#screaming into the pillows on the couch

[lavenderedhoney]

Put my fingers in her and made her cum so hard she was absolutely flailing. Could not figure out where to put her hands at all, just grabbing at anything she could reach. When she could breathe again she said that it was by far the most intense g-spot orgasm she'd ever had. Then I put a vibrating dildo in her and made her fucking scream and cum even harder 3 times in a row. 😊

(DNI if you: are a cishet man, are under 18, do not have your age on your blog, or host ageplay or rape kink content on your blog)

[raapija]

Where were you when Fernando Alonso announced his marriage to Lance Stroll on his instagram on Thursday, 25th of April, 2024?

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

i remember someone asking you for the second years favorite out of itafushikugi but who do you think the trio’s favorite senpais are?

& who do you think the adults (nanami gojo shoko yaga) favorite students are?

I'm assuming we're talking about the sea glass gardens universe for this and not canon.

Megumi: Yuuta. No competition. I'm pretty sure this is straight up canon with his comment that Yuuta was the only one of his senpais that he actually respected. He and Yuuta have a special relationship, even if Megumi isn't aware of his Boyhood.

Barring Yuuta, Maki would be his favorite. They have identical bitch instincts and are always on the same wavelength. They wander the world as these beautiful judgmental assholes and it's their ideal existences. Soul siblings.

I see Maki as sort of slowly growing into her place as Megumi's family. At the start, neither of them were exactly looking to forge blood family ties, what with their history, but I think they both understand what it's like to have the Zenin lurking on your periphery in a way no one else does. They look out for each other.

Nobara: Maki. I also can't debate canon on this one. Nobara simply adores Maki. And has a crush on her the size of Jupiter. She doesn't know Yuuta and has sworn revenge on him for winning the last Goodwill event, so Yuuta's out of the running, and Panda and Inumaki are her constant torments.

Still, were it not for her appreciation for Maki as her senpai (re: rampant Homosexual Desire), I think Panda would be her favorite. They have identical asshole instincts, not that Nobara would ever admit it. Remember them teaming up during the Goodwill event? Nobara secretly has a soft spot for Panda, except for all the moments where she wants to beat him with a hammer.

Yuuji: I think it's actually Inumaki. Maki and him get on great because they both can compete athletically, but Maki's disposition is more suited to Megumi. She's harder for him to connect with for him on a personality level. Inumaki's also very athletically inclined, and I see them becoming jogging buddies now that Yuuta's in Africa.

I see Inumaki looking out for him a little when he first arrived, the way he did for Yuuta. Yuuji's not the sort to be phased by the difficulty communicating, and I think he respects the hell out of Inumaki as a jujutsu sorcerer.

If we count the Kyoto students in this, his favorite is Todo, but that may or may not be Stockholm Syndrome. He. He got swept up in it. It happened so fast. He doesn't know how this happened or if he's allowed to leave. It kind of scares him.

Yuuta is not even in the running for Yuuji's favorite. The thought of Yuuta torments him. He's just all sparkling and perfect in Africa, what with his curse-free existence and unstoppable power and having Megumi as his boy and what not. Just. Fuck off.

Adults

Nanami: He has no favorites. He cannot play favorites. He has raised one of these children, as adopted another, and has played a very large role in teaching a third. It would be wrong to select favorites out of them.

But also it's Yuuji.

It's not that he actually likes Yuuji better than Megumi or Yuuta or any of the others; it's more that Yuuji's his student. Megumi's practically a son to him, but Gojo was the one who took the lead on raising him and training him. And while he will always do his best to support Yuuta, by the time he met Yuuta, Gojo had already become the sort of adult pillar of support in his life.

Yuuji's the one he took the lead on training. He was there when Yuuji first had someone die, first had to kill. And Yuuji reminds him so much of Haibara that it hurts sometimes. He has a soft spot for him.

Gojo: Gojo will play favorites. It's Megumi.

Sue him. His kid is his favorite. That's his little boy. He watched him grow up from the angriest first grader he ever met to the angriest high schooler he ever met. He's always gonna have a bit of a soft spot for his Megs.

If he couldn't pick Megumi, it would be Yuuta.

Again, sue him for playing favorites, but Yuuta's someone he's just endlessly proud of. He watched Yuuta go from being curled up on the floor of an execution chamber to being the most promising sorcerer of the modern age. Yuuta really gives him hope for the future and the next generation. He just adores the kid.

Shoko: If we're talking sea glass gardens, I think Megumi would win by default just because she has less face time with the kids and Megumi is the one she helped raise. She's his wine aunt. She's always gonna wanna pinch his cheeks and harass him about his hair. But if he's out of the running, it's Nobara. She reminds her of her at that age. Mostly in the fact that she's endlessly suffering from her two idiot best friends's mutual homosexuality. Shoko relates to Nobara on a spiritual level.

Yaga: Panda. That's his little boy. I'm pretty sure this is canon too--Maki explicitly states that the principal plays favorites with Panda in JJK0. He raised Panda and thinks of him as his own son. He adores the kid.

If Panda's out of the running, it's Megumi.

This is also because he remembers when Megumi was a little kid. He didn't help raise Megumi the way the rest of them did--he got cut out after the Zenin incident--but he remembers before, when he was trusted with Megumi. A part of him is always going to remember Megumi as the quiet little boy who used to hide under his desk to read.

I also just see him as keeping more distance from the kids. he's not as actively involved in their teaching. it's partially an act of self protection to have distance--a lot of kids don't make it to graduation. So his favorites are going to be the one he spent the most time with--namely panda and Megumi, just by pure default.

[corrodedcoughin]

A selection of pick up lines that Steve has used on Eddie and have unfortunately worked with resounding success

Are you Smaug? Because it looks like you have treasure in your cave (Eddie decided to not think about this one before acting on it)

Are you from Mordor? Because you are melting my precious (met with a confused eyebrow raise and a sigh but still got the job done)

Your lack of nudity disturbs me (definitely Steves favourite and the one he is most proud of which made it even more deadly with his ‘ehh??? Ehh?? Good right???’ After he said it)

Steves pick up lines: 3

Eddie’s composure: 0

[kaerinio]

thinking about modern!dany, who is an international human rights attorney with plenty of enemies. thinking about modern!dany, who receives death threats (which she typically deletes or just balls up and throws into the fireplace . . . some she keeps because they are a badge of honor in her mind bc if she's pissing people off with her advocacy, she's doing the right thing). thinking about modern!dany, who throws herself so deeply into her work because it provides the steadiest path forward and doesn't let her stop to look at the past that desperately wants to be reckoned with. thinking about modern!dany, who still has a couple boxes left unpacked in her home, even though she's been there for years, because it's an instinct left over from a childhood and adolescence filled with running, instability, and uncertainty.

[akaikami-cherryblossom]

The random awful naps I take during my free period>>>>>

[the-kipsabian]

how do i explain to a bunch of guys that my insides are in such fucking knots today that i can barely sit up without being in pain or wanting to throw up that im not capable of focusing on activities today when i feel like the void inside me is being peeled from the inside with a rusty butter knife against my will without them telling me "it cant be that bad" 💀

[waywardtrek]

All i’m saying is: to my knowledge, there’s now a officially a metric shit-ton of Sunny promo spanning all the eps EXCEPT for ‘Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day’ like what the heck

…i am so ready to see whatever the hell we have in store for it... come what may, straight or gay (gay.)

[missingn000]

What’s your favorite haikyuu arc? I personally really enjoyed the summer camp one and Brazil arc (Oikawa… my beloved 🥹). Have you seen the panels of oikawa eating shit while he plays beach volleyball but also remembering that he loves vball?

On that note, do you have a favorite match? Personally a big fan of nekoma v karasuno and MSBY v adlers.

ohh man tough to say since i haven't finished my rewatch/read yet! i'm in the middle of season 2 rn. LOVE the tokyo training camp arc, it's def one of my comfort episode(s). i also remember crying like a baby at karasuno vs shiratorizawa when i first watched it, so i'm sure itll kill me again the second time around

[linh-cindy]

spoilers 🤭

HSHDKSKFBRMSKC

*flips couch angrily*

I

*flips a thousand more couches*

*scream*

AM DISAPPOINTED

FURIOUS

RAGE-FILLED

AND

*deep breath*

MURDER-INDUCED.

I JUST FINISHED THE SELECTION BOOK 2 (The Elite) AND I AM DISAPPOINTED FURIOUS RAGEFILLED AND MURDERINDUCED WITH MAXON’S DAD

WHAT

KIND

OF

MORON

WOULD DO THAT TO HIS OWN SON

MUCH LESS HIS ONLY CHILD

KING CLARKSON IS A FAILURE

*throws down slipper*

HAIYA

USELESS

LIKE UM

SIR YOU DONT GET TO DO THAT TO AMERICA AND MAXON

AMERICA WAS RIGHTTTT

KING CLARKSON IS A TYRANT

*screaming intensifies*

thank you 😊

[heavenbarnes]

in an alternate universe, you meet older bf!simon through a friend- well, a friend’s brother.

your friend’s brother, johnny. he overhears you whinging to his sister about how fucking hard it is to find a place to live. so he tells you about this guy he serves with.

‘L.t’ he calls him.

since he and L.t are on deployment so often, there’s a tidy re-purposed council flat that’s often empty. johnny says he’ll chat L.t about your predicament and see what he thinks.

L.t allows you to live in his home- problem is he’s leaving on deployment literally tomorrow so you have to exchange agreements by text.

you’ve got money going into his account, some basic agreements about no parties, no partners, no smoking, and no mucking about.

L.t gives the key to johnny, who gives it to his sister, who gives it to you- opening the door to an almost pristine little home. not a thing out of place.

military precision.

so you move in and you’re shocked to find more than a flat pillow and plaid duvet cover. there’s 3-in-1 in the shower but easily replaced with your own products.

the pantry and fridge are bare but soon filled with your favourites. your undies are drying over the dining chairs and your blanket is draped across the couch.

you’ve got your own profile on the netflix and your toothbrush is in the holder. you’ve done what you were told.

“make yourself at home”

so much so that you almost forget deployment will end at some point, hard to remember when you don’t even have the faintest idea when that’ll be.

johnny said it could be weeks, maybe months. he didn’t tell you that it could be at any moment.

you think you hear the door in the deep of your sleep but your brain reassures you it’s in the back of your dream- you don’t even wake.

it’s actually the weight dropping beside you on the mattress and shuffling up to your back that gets you. it’s a miracle you don’t scream.

L.t lands a rough hand on your back, something about “calm down, s’only me”

only him? he who’s name you don’t even know?

as if he can read your mind, he’s following up with a grumbled “simon”

simon ‘sans-last name.’

before his breathing begins to even out.

your heart is beating out your chest- perfect stranger climbing into bed with you?

the voice in your head that always wants you to be polite reminds you that this is actually his house, after all.

he was also kind enough to let you stay, charging a rent way below going rate.

he had just been away serving this country, duty to protect and all.

and johnny knows him, vouched for him- sure johnny can be a bit of a perv but he’s harmless.

simon must be too, right?

you decide to settle back under the duvet, telling yourself it’s you that’s being weird. you need to be more grateful!

mans tired, if he wasn’t absolutely shattered he would’ve taken the couch.

right?

you’re almost entirely convinced until you feel a strong arm loop around your waist, pulling you back into something unbelievably hard.

harmless.

right.

[angelxcz]

“𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐨𝐧.”

ᥫ᭡. jjk men making you cum through your panties

characters; gojo, toji, geto, nanami, choso

content; smut, daddy kink, thigh riding, vibrator use, pussy eating, needy choso, petnames, praise

gojo finds it so cute how wet your are for him. when he crawls in between your legs to see the wet spot on your panties he smirks. his hands gripping both your legs and spreading them apart. “i think we can have some fun like this.” licking a stripe up your clothed pussy.

you became a moaning mess when he kept licking hungrily at the soaked fabric. groaning into you as he let his tongue taste your sweetness, occasionally stopping to suck at your sensitive clit with a hum. you mewled, your back arching off the bed as you reached down to grip his hair. “f-fuck, satoru.”

gojo grunted, placing a small kiss to your clit before lifting his head slightly to smirk up at you. “wonder if i can make that pretty pussy squirt just from this.” wasting no time before getting back to sloppily licking and sucking.

“nngh- ahh, satoru—” you whimpered, your toes curling as your head fell deeper into the pillow. yes. yes he could make you cum just from this. “o-oh- cumming! ‘m cumming.” you cried, your body shaking as your pussy gushed. squirting streams of your sweetness into gojo’s awaiting mouth.

you breathed heavily in an attempt to catch your breath. your body jerking when your boyfriend teasingly slapped your sensitive cunt. “shit. didn’t think it’d work.” he mused.

toji makes you squirm for the entire day before allowing you to get yourself off. kissing you softly with a smirk as he watched you desperately rut your hips back and forth on his thigh. the huge wet spot on your panties rubbing off onto his skin as you moaned and whimpered. “t-toji, nngh- daddy.” you mewled, gripping onto his shoulders in an attempt to speed up your pace.

“that’s it doll. that’s a good fucking girl” he groaned, “ya look so hot when you’re all desperate to cum.”

you could only let out a cry, your pussy clenching around nothing when your eyes met his. a string of shaky high pitched whimpers falling past your parted lips as you neared your high. “o-oh f-uckk— ahh, ‘m cumming. daddy ‘m cumming.”

“s-shit, go ahead doll. make a mess f’ me.” he breathed, his cock straining against his pants as he watched you fall apart. your head falling back as your body trembled, your back arched and your moans broken as you messily squirted in your panties.

the liquid drenching your boyfriend’s thigh as you continued to grind onto him. you let out a satisfied breath, your puffy folds sticky and wet with your slick as you cane down from your high. “t-thank you daddy.” you bit your lip, toji grinning before taking hold of your waist and pinning you roughly onto the couch. “my turn.”

geto loves fucking you. but he also loves seeing you fall apart under a vibrator. holding you against his chest, your legs held up in the air by one of his hands while the other pressed the toy to your clothed clit. the loud whirring filling the room as pleasure shot through you.

“nngh- o-oh shit— suguru.” you mewled, attempting to arch your hips as the strong vibrations were sent directly into your clit. “f-fuck.”

geto watched with a smirk as you moaned loudly, your eyes filling with pleasurable tears when he pressed it even further onto the sensitive bud. your breathing sped up, head falling onto his chest as the wet spot on your panties grew bigger.

your eyes rolling back and your whimpers becoming shaky as you neared your orgasm.

“there we go. look at that. look so pretty like this.” geto cooed, bringing his lips down to neck as your body began to tremble. your eyes rolling back and your mouth hanging open in a silent scream.

“that’s it- give it to me.” your pussy clenching around nothing at his words before you were cumming uncontrollably, your back arched as your squirts seeped through the fabric and onto his thighs. geto only groaning as he kept the vibrator in place. “good girl, now give me another one.”

nanami sometimes likes to make you cum with his fingers on your clothed clit. laying you down on your bed and pressing his lips to yours while his two fingers rubbed small circles on the bud. the blond man swallowing your moans and whimpers as your back arched.

you let out a small cry when nanami started to kiss down your chest. settling his mouth on your breasts with a groan of his own. sucking one of your nipples into his mouth while he twisted the other with his free hand.

“ahh- kento,” you moaned softly, letting out a string of pretty whines as you grew closer and closer.

“that’s it sweetheart, cum for me when you’re ready.”

you could only mewl, your lips parted in heavy breaths as his skilled fingers worked you off the edge. your body jerking slightly as you shakily breathed his name. letting out another moan when his teeth grazed your nipple.

nanami smiled as you came, feeling you wet your panties with your slick as your body quivered shortly. you panted, nanami coming back up to press his lips onto yours. “gonna fuck you so good now sweetheart.”

choso is needy. so when you tell him he can’t stick it in for reasons he didn’t bother understanding, he finds another way. thrusting needily into the fabric of your panties as he moaned, his precum adding to the wetness of the fabric.

“nngh— f-fuck, so good.” choso whimpered, his hips moving rhythmlessly in attempt to make himself cum. something that he could do even without contact. “b-baby- ahh, does it feel good baby?”

you nodded with a mewl, feeling your boyfriend’s tip bumping into your clit with each of his thrusts. his parted lips and teary eyes making your pussy clench as you moaned out. “feels good baby- nngh— really g-good.”

choso smiled down at you, his hands growing weak as he came closer to spilling. his body laying flat onto yours before he buried his face into your neck. his drool coating your skin as his cock desperately rubbed against you.

“baby,” choso breathed, “i’m so close- are you close too?”

“mhm!”

“f-fuck, ‘m gonna cum- let’s cum to- ahh— together okay?” he let out a high pitched mewl.

you nodded with a cry, your back arching as you made a mess in your panties. drenching the fabric in your wetness making choso groan. his eyes rolling back and his body trembling as he came, the sticky substance spurting onto your clothed cunt as you both panted. “again, please.”

[luvsupa]

a/n two posts in one day… ruh roh… (I miss gojo </3)

ex!satoru who doesn’t really understand the concept of being an ex. he just thinks you want a break from him. but permanently separated? hell no, he could never understand that.

“‘toru… things aren’t gonna work out between us,” you begin as he sits in front of you at your dinner table in your shared apartment. he looks at you with no emotion, as if you didn’t just end things. “we’re growing in separate ways, and i feel i would only—satoru.”

you could scream at him—he’s not paying attention, scrolling on his phone instead. he shows you the order he placed for dinner, coming in twenty minutes. of course, he bought your favorite.

“satoru, can you please be serious for one minute?” you huff, clearly annoyed that he’s not listening while he’s purchasing things he knows will make you swoon.

“i am serious,” he says, placing his phone down to observe your breathtaking features.

“you weren’t even listening,” you say, crossing your arms as you slouch in the seat.

“baby, of course i’m listening—you’re crazy if you think i’m leaving you,” he coos condescendingly, and you roll your eyes.

ex!satoru who, in fact, respected your decision and gave you your personal space, not exactly broken up in his eyes, just a temporary break.

ex!satoru who stays over at suguru’s place for a few months, whining every day and night about how he missed being in your arms.

���i miss her,” gojo says as he pets geto’s cat, miyu, while geto himself groans as he cleans his apartment.

“can you at least help out and stop whining like a bitch,” geto says, adjusting the pillows neatly on his couch. this only causes gojo to frown and embrace miyu in a tight hug, nuzzling his face in her soft fur as she tries to get away from his grasp.

“and let go of miyu, she doesn’t want you holding her.”

ex!satoru who continues to send you money, always sending you hundreds and hundreds of dollars for food, shopping, and especially paying for your necessities. he doesn’t care that you work for yourself—you’re still his baby, and he loves spoiling you. his money is your money.

unknown number sent $500! —go get some food, baby~ ♡

unknown number sent $600! —please unblock me on insta

unknown number sent $300! —i love u, mama

ex!satoru who chokes on his breakfast when shoko says you’re going on a date. gojo, never in his life, was speechless, and that really creeped out shoko and geto.

“satoru… are you good?” geto asks concernedly—even miyu jumps on gojo’s lap, sensing a difference in his character.

“yeah, i’m good…” he says calmly, placing down his utensils to pet miyu’s soft fur.

ex!satoru who does a little investigating of who this mysterious man is, finding his identity within ten minutes. he scoffs when he finds his social media—he’s nowhere near as handsome as he is. what do you see in him?

ex!satoru who sits comfortably in the luxurious restaurant where you and the mysterious man planned to go. little did you know, gojo texted the man, telling him that you’re married.

“aiko?” gojo hears a soft voice call as he turns to look at you. your eyes widen when you see gojo. this has to be some kind of joke—he is fucking crazy. you turn around, going back to the entrance, but gojo grabs your wrist.

“no, no, no, baby, please let me talk,” he pleads, and you fold from the way he calls you baby. oh, how you loved and missed the way he called you baby and claimed you as his own.

he guides you to the chair in front of him as he holds your hand, your pretty acrylics grazing his hands. he loved the way you looked well put together, his baby doll.

“my love, i promise to leave you,” he says, rubbing small circles on your hand. your heart pangs at his confession. “i just want to know how you’re doing.”

“i-i miss you so much,” you say. gojo feels like he’s hallucinating at what you just said. “shoko told me you were having a date today, and i felt so jealous—” you stammer, and gojo blinks multiple times, stunned at what you’re saying.

“this guy aiko asked me on a date, and i wanted to make you jealous,” you continue, frowning at being confused with your emotions. but gojo, on the other hand, is putting two and two together.

“give me your phone,” he sternly says. you stare at him in confusion, but you oblige, taking out your phone from your purse and handing it to him. gojo smiles as your lockscreen is still a baby photo of him. he unlocks your phone—the password still the same, his birthday.

“i was meaning to change the lockscreen,” you quickly state, not trying to look like a weirdo in front of him.

gojo goes into your contacts and clicks aiko’s contact information, calling the number. multiple rings go by, and the man on the other line picks up.

“hello—”

“shoko, i know this is you.”

you look at him and your phone in horror. shoko set you guys up by making a fake number to make you go on a date with ‘aiko’ but really you’d be with gojo.

“ahh, did my plan work? both of you kept whining about each other—it was infuriating. i had to do something,” she says on the other line, gojo clearly hearing geto’s giggles in the background.

“don’t ever do this again,” gojo says as he hangs up the phone. the two of you burst out in laughter, but for you, it’s more embarrassing that you were flirting with shoko through texts!

fiancé!satoru who proposed to you a few weeks later, he’s beyond happy to be in the arms of his baby again <3

[bunbunlovestowrite]

How Sylus fucks you when he overstimulates you

A/N: I couldn't resist turning a cold mean man into a slight softie for us :'). If you prefer colder/meaner Sylus then please ignore this post and block me! <3

Tags: Stylus x Reader, reader is not Mc, Fem!Reader, creampie, clit rubbing, praise, use of "sweetie", slight dumbification, sloppy kisses, overstim, slight belly bulge

It was rare for Sylus to be very gentle in bed. Not saying he was aggressive and manhandled you every time, but he wasn't exactly mother Theresa. He usually had a bruising grip on your hips while pounding into you, one hand making it's way to your face, forcing you to watch his face or watch as his cock slid into you.

But then there were the nights where you begged for more, your eyes teary and hips bucking up to antagonize him. He'd give you what you want, slamming his hips back into yours until you fell apart on his cock and your mind practically snapped. He'd be gentle if you asked any night, but it was when you couldn't ask that he did it unprompted.

"There we go, sweetie." He pulled your body against his chest, hand rubbing your back as his thrusts slowed down and he fucked his cum deeper in. He came three times already, his cum dripping down the base of his cock after it leaked from your cunt.

His right hand slid up your back and he rubbed your hair, kissing your head. "A-ah...Sylus..." You buried your face in his chest, legs wrapping around his waist. He groaned slightly when your nails weakly dug into his back, hitting the scratch marks you left the night prior.

"So needy.." he rolled his hips up into you, smirking at your gasp. His cock hit all the right spots like it was made for you. He sped up slightly, watching as your hips bounced up slightly.

You lean back slightly, putting a little space between your chests. "So hot..." Your voice came out as a small whine, your body slick with sweat. Sylus held onto your waist with one hand as the other slid down from your neck, cupping a breast.

Sylus leaned in and blew cold air onto your neck, making you shiver. He smirked and kissed your neck softly, licking the slick skin. His hips moved slightly faster, his skin slapping against yours.

"Fuck...oh God.." you cry out slightly as he pressed your back against the bed, his hand on your waist holding onto the headboard. "Damn it.." he huffed slightly when you squeezed around him, his eyebrows knitting down.

He bottomed out and went all the way to the hilt, his tip kissing your cervix. You cry out and turn your head to the side, clawing at a pillow. His balls slapped against your ass with each thrust, the sound mixed in with the already lewd noises of your moans and wet slapping.

You desperately slid your hand down to rub your neglected clit, which earned Sylus slapping your hand away. He pressed his thumb to your clit and rubbed it weakly, his gentle touch making you yearn for more.

"Sylus-"

"You can handle it."

He rubbed harder and your toes curled. Your head fell back and a silent scream left you as you came. Sylus groaned when you squirt on his cock, hips squirming like crazy. He grabbed your hips and forced you as close as possible when he came. His balls tightened and you felt his seed pump into you for the third time that night, making your stomach bulge ever so slightly.

A minute later he pulled out with a wet 'shulp', his cock limp and covered with cum and slick. Your eyes were barely open and your whole body trembled. Sylus picked you up and cradled you to his chest, walking over to the large couch in his room.

"You got the bed dirty. Not like I mind. But I need to fix it first." He sat you down on the couch and covered you up with his coat, smiling when you curled up under it. He kissed your head and put on a robe.

You fell asleep before he could even start.

--

Requests are open! :3

[mytortoisegotstuckinatupperware]

alright fuckers let me tell you about how the founding fathers are responsible for me ruining a couch cushion

not like that get your head out of the gutter ya nasty

so its the fourth of july today, which i only like because it's my dog's birthday (so everyone say happy fifth birthday to maij). It also happens to be the day a bunch of fuckers in the 1700s decided they weren't getting enough attention from daddy britain and wanted to do their own thing

yada yada, war and shit and now a rednecks in my city like to set off explosives that scare both maij and I, leaving us to play the age-old american game of "fireworks or gunshots?"

anyway in typical adhd fashion, i waited until the last possible day to pick up my ritalin. because its the fourth, all the pharmacies in my area are closed, but I didn't KNOW THAT so I drove all the way to my pharmacy and braved downtown traffic (i'm a martyr, yes) only for them to tell me I couldn't get my normal pills and to come back tomorrow. well, that sucks, but no biggie. work's gonna be a bitch-and-a-half, but I've dealt with it before.

AU CONTRAIRE DEAR READER

because I don't have my meds, I've been chewing gm like I'm a crack addict. it helps me focus, but I also tend to forget about it and put it weird places because I can't fuckign remember to throw it away. keep that in your back pocket, friends

I was finally in a groove, gettin' my shit done, when i needed to get up (distracted, yet again) and then I realized there was a streak of fucking GUM on my PANTS and also now on my COUCH CUSHION.

If it were just me, I wouldn't be panicking as much, but my partner and I JUST BOUGHT THIS GODDAMN COUCH, so I'm like, shit. And my partner works night shifts, so ze was still sleeping (thank god) but income crisis mode.

I tried the ice method to get the gum up, it didn't work. I tried regular soap and water, also didn't work, and now the couch is damp. I finally decided to bring out the artillery and try goo gone. It worked great! except because I was distracted, I set the open bottle on the upholstered ottoman, and spilled it everywhere. All over the fabric, and the floor.

For those uninitiated, goo gone is OIL BASED. so now I'm like, shitting bricks, because my partner will be up in like half an hour. (There's no major consequences, I'm just out here acting a damn fool and don't want my partner to see lmaooo)

I speed clean like my life depends on it with a sponge and some dish soap, but the SOAP IS NOT WASHING AWAY. Like I just keep trying to dab at it and nothing is happening.

So I apologize to the couch before stripping it of its dignity, and hand wash the damn fabric in the sink. I'm sitting next to the foam carcass as I write this, the poor lad.

Anyway, I'm hoping the dryer is done soon so my partner doesn't have to see the mutilated corpse of our new couch when ze wakes up.

tl;dr because its the fourth, I couldn't get my adhd meds, forgot about my gum, sat on said gum and stained my new couch, made a fucking mess, and now must live with my shame, all because of good ole George, hammy, Jeff, and the rest of those bastards

[end scene]

[cloudzoro]

Getting Caught | One Piece ♡

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Getting caught having sex with your man by one of his friends.

reaction/headcanon requests for jjk, one piece, haikyuu, fmab & death note (male & female characters) are OPEN!

masterlist | request rules

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genre: smut (minors dni)

characters included: ace, crocodile, zoro

cw: dirty talk, pet names, threesome, size kink, public sex, voyeurism, big dick!zoro, possessive behaviour, Zoros one kinda made me 💦🤭🥵💫 while I was writing it

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Ace

Ace has been visiting your home a lot recently. Since the two of you started dating, he promised not to be gone too long. When you do finally get him back, you're all over him.

He's sitting on your couch while you're on his lap. You grind down against his cock, which he had pulled out of his shorts. The brim of his hat presses against the back of the sofa and prevents him from getting comfortable, so he takes it off of himself and places it on your head. The sight of you stripped naked in just his hat has him bucking his hips up into you.

“sit on my cock, pretty girl,” he says. “Let me fuck you, baby.”

You reach down and guide his cock into your hole. He helps you sink all the way down onto him, and when he finally bottoms out, you moan in his ear. He holds you still as you clench around him. He knows if you start moving now, he'll cum almost immediately.

“Please fuck me, Ace”, you whine before kissing him. He hums into your mouth and slowly ruts upwards. As soon as he moves, the door swings open. Ace is quick enough to grab a nearby blanket and wrap it around you while pulling you to his chest, blocking any possibility of whoever just walked in seeing you naked.

You look to the doorway to see Marco standing there. He seems embarrassed and as if he's trying not to laugh.

“I was just coming by to see how your reunion is going”, he says, a smug grin plastered on his face.

“It's doing fine; now beat it!” yells Ace, throwing a pillow in his direction. Marco runs, but not before yelling through the now-closed door.

“Nice hat, y/n!”

Crocodile

He has you on your back, legs pushed up to your chest as he fucks you. He's so deep inside you and so big that he attacks all your senses. You couldn't focus on anything else if you tried. You can feel his palm pressing against the tiny bulge in your stomach.

“Can you feel that baby? Feel me deep in your pussy?” his voice has you clenching around him. The room smells of smoke and sex, and it makes you so dizzy that you can barely respond to him. You let out a long whine and nod. Crocodile laughs from above you. “Can I flip you over?” he asks. You whine a yes, and he flips you onto your hands and knees.

A large, heavy hand pushes you down against the sheets. He pushes back into you and the new angle makes you scream into the fabric beneath you. Every thrust sends you forward into the mattress, and Crocodile does absolutely nothing to hide your moaning.

A few minutes later, you hear a loud banging at the door, and before either of you can move, Mihawk swings the door open as if he's completely unaware of what you are doing.

Your husband pulls you upwards so your back is against his chest and wraps his big arms around you, covering your most intimate parts. There's a beat of silence before Mihawk launches into a flustered tirade.

“You two are completely inconsiderate. Do you ever fucking shut up?” While he continues ranting, Crocodile leans down to speak in your ear.

“Look at him; he wants us so bad,” he whispers. He's not wrong if the flushed skin and raging boner are anything to go by. “Do you wanna invite him in?” he asks, paying no mind to Mihawk's scolding. When you nod, your husband drops his hands away from your chest and between your legs. Mihawk goes silent now that your body is exposed to him. “She has another hole for you,” says Crocodile, pressing his fingers against your lips. You obey his silent command and open your mouth to suck on his fingers. “y'know if you want help with that,” smirks your husband, gesturing to the tent pitched in Mihawk's trousers.

Mihawk considers the offer for a minute before approaching the bed. Crocodile lets go of your body and pushes you back down as Mihawk pulls his cock free from his trousers. You lick up the underside of his cock and then take him into your mouth, relaxing into taking as much of him as you can. You can hear verbal encouragement from both men, but you're not focusing on the words at all; you're too busy being stuffed with cock.

Zoro

Zoro can't keep his hands off of you, you've been at a bar for all of ten minutes and he's itching to pull into the nearest bathroom and fuck you stupid.

“Baby, come on,” Zoro says, pulling your back against his chest as you stand at the bar. “No one will even notice we're gone.”

Your boyfriend is impossible to resist and you let him drag you to the bathroom. He pins you against the wall, kissing you as he pulls his cock free. He holds his hand in front of your face, instructing you to spit in his palm. He uses your saliva to lube up his cock before lining himself up with your cunt and pushing in. You pull Zoro into another kiss, much nastier and messier than the last. His hips rock into you, cock dragging against your sensitive walls.

“Hold on to me, pretty girl”, he groans as you cling to his shoulders. He fuckss you harder, intending to make you cum as quickly as possible so he can get you home and really take his time with you. Neither of you realise that you didn't lock the door until you notice a blonde man with a familiar pair of eyebrows staring at you in shock.

“Zoro, Sanji's here,” You whine, slightly embarrassed. He knows; he heard Sanji coming in. He just doesn't care. At this point, almost nothing could stop him from making you cum.

“Let him watch. Let that shitty cook see what he'll never have” The cocky smile on his face makes your pussy drool. Zoro isn't jealous; he has no reason to be, but he has one of the nastiest possessive streaks you've ever seen in your life. “This pretty pussy is all mine, right baby?”

“uh-huh” is the only pair of syllables you can form as he fucks you so hard you fear you might crack the wall. You're not lying, though. Every part of your mind, body, and soul belongs to Zoro and vice versa. Sanji tries to focus on glaring at the swordsman, but he keeps getting distracted by your exposed skin and pretty noises.

“Cum for me” He emphasises the word ‘me’ reminding both you and Sanji that every drop of cum that leaks from your sweet pussy is his. Your body follows through on the command, shaking in his grasp as you cum. Both men stare at you in awe. Zoro cums soon after, unable to stand the way your cunt pulses around his sensitive cock any longer. “Get out of here,” Zoro growls, voice startling Sanji back to reality and he hurries off so you and Zoro can clean up in privacy.

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thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed :)

comments and reblogs are massively appreciated ♡