#scotty's silly little accent

[clown-alchemist]

We all know Scotty's accent is a little silly, a little messy, a little off base...but at least he's trying. Picard is allegedly French.

[maxybabyy]

They came down from the mountain yesterday.

Max leaves tomorrow, would’ve left this morning if Christian hadn’t convinced him to wait for the car that comes in the morning with a new round of supplies.

“I can of course walk to the town myself, always it will be not a problem,” he had said as they came down, the horses close behind them. Their rucksacks light on their backs, weary and tired with the signs of a hard summer.

“Nonsense, kid. Seb won’t mind giving you a ride,” Christian said with his arm around Max’s shoulders. “And I mean, with everything you’ve done for us, we best send you off right. Don’t we, Daniel?”

Daniel had barely look at Max as he laughed, agreed with whatever Christian was telling him.

His heart had felt heavy as he walked towards the chicken pen, but it was better like this. One day and Max would be gone, would be a year before he came back, if even that. Maybe he would find a real job in town, something more than the silly convenience store his dad had him working in.

“But what do you wanna do, Maxy?” Daniel had asked, the rain coming down hard around them.

A rare rainpour had taken them by surprise, and by the time Daniel had come into the tent, he had been soaked to the bone. His spare set of clothing had helped little, and it wasn’t until Max had scooted forward, movements slow but confident as he invited him into his space, into his warmth and heat, that Daniel could breathe again.

“I want, I think, to work with horses,” Max had told him, lips pressed against Daniel’s chest. They hadn’t been naked then, but they would be. Soon. “Always, I have liked the farm. But my father, it did not make enough money, and he would rather sell than make it work.”

Daniel has known nothing but farm work.

He used to dream of the big city, of the stories Scotty would tell when he came to visit, of the freedom and lack of responsibility. But he’s in his thirties now.

Christian may have kids, but none that could take over the farm, or at least not now. Not like Daniel could.

“Did something happen between you and Max?” Christian asks when he doesn’t come in for lunch. “I was going to ask him to come back next year but –“

Daniel shakes his head, “Nah, he was fine. Just, a hard run, you know? Lost a few sheep, long nights, that kind of stuff.”

“Because if something did,” Christian continues, hard set in his ways. “You can tell me.”

Daniel licks his lips, looks up from Laurie the cow, tries to look less miserable than he feels. “He can come back. Good effort for the pay, I’d say. A shame we can’t hire him full-time, he would do well around here.”

It’s Max’s second year on the mountain. He hadn’t come last year, but the year before that he did.

A lanky lad with softened hands but a better attitude than most Daniel has worked with. He spoke still with an accent, the lisp even more pronounced than it is now. Daniel hadn’t known what to do with him then; doesn’t know what to do now that he has to leave.

“He came with good recommendations,” Christian says, nods along as they walk through the pasture. “Too bad about last year, yeah? Would have saved us a lot of trouble, I reckon.”

Sergio had been alright. Fine on a horse, experienced, but in a way that hadn’t come to fruition on the mountain. Max had been the better choice, even back before they had started to –

Daniel shrugs, turns to look at the sun. It’s going to be cold soon, the wind will pick up and the leaves will fall, autumn nothing but a wink before winter will be here.

“It’s hard to know what will happen up there, can’t really prepare yourself before you’re in it,” he says. Every year is different, he knows that now.

He’s done eight summers now, and only once has he dreaded the descent.

“If you say so,” Christian says, claps him on the back and leaves. He had been with Daniel for his first two years, just enough time to show him the rope and make sure he wouldn’t have to do it again.            

The sun has gone down before he comes inside. Food waits for him in the oven, but Daniel isn’t hungry. The house is quiet as he sneaks upstairs for a shower. It’s his second of the day, but it’s fine, Christian would understand.

He scrubs himself raw, a never-ending itching underneath skin that doesn’t stop; worsens when he thinks of tomorrow ��� of Max. He misses the cold water of the creek, the two of them drying on the shore, Max’s eyes heavy on his body.

Max had made the move then, knee-deep in water and still only a few feet apart.

Daniel had watched him move with his breath caught in his throat, Max’s hand on his arm, on his waist, his hip and then finally, on his dick. He hadn’t stopped looking at him, eyes steady even as Daniel had started to shake, closer than he’d been before with only a few strokes.

“Will you come?” Max had asked, hoarse but confident. Daniel had known then that he wasn’t Max’s first. Not in this, at least. “For me, Daniel?”

Daniel had, but so would everyone, he thinks. If they had been where Daniel had been.

Max waits for him when he comes back to his room. He hasn’t been there before, not before they left for the mountain, but he looks at home in the bed. 

Max reaches for him, and Daniel goes, crawls between his legs, and kisses him like he did the first time: desperate and frantic, unsure if it will happen again.

Sex, he finds, is easier if you aren’t stuck on a mountain, but it isn’t necessarily better.

Max is still just as sweet for him as he opens him up, quicker like this, with something other than repurposed lubricants taken from other scarce supplies. His sounds are the same, quieter now that they share a house with their boss, but still Max falls into the same ecstatic state when he’s close to coming. Begs Daniel for more until he does with a hoarse shout.

Daniel follows quick, a quiet prayer that this won’t be the last time.

“Will you be here next year?” Daniel asks, watches Max as he readies himself to leave. Seb will come by in only a handful of hours, and Max must be back in his room by then. “Will you come back to me?” He doesn’t say.

Max breathes softly as he pulls on his sweater. It isn’t the one he came with, but the one Daniel had worn on the mountain. Soft and knitted by his mother, loose enough in the shoulders that it fits him well.

“I will of course try, but always I have to make sure it is right for me also, for my family.”

Daniel nods sharply, bites his tongue so he doesn’t ask what he shouldn’t.

“Will you go back to the Netherlands this time?”

“I will see after the winter. If I can find good work, maybe. It would be lovely, I think,” Max says, smiles when he meets his stare.

Max had told him about how his sister had given birth to a new son this spring, that he hasn’t been home since he was seventeen when his father brought him overseas to find new work. He knows Max sends part of his salary back home to them, to his mother, knows there’s more to it than just what Max wants. That if Max could, he would of course come back to him.

But life doesn’t always work out like that. Not for guys like them anyway.

“If you do, or like, even if you don’t. You could give me a call sometime,” Daniel says and gets up to follow him to the door. “Let me know how you’re doing, if the tulips are still there.”

“The tulips are there of course every year, Daniel.” Max says, but even he sounds sad, voice soft. “Always they come in spring.”

Daniel laughs, but it comes out hollow. He squeezes Max’s hands that hang between them. “Yeah, well. You go off see the tulips, see your family, Maxy. And when summer comes, then – then you come back to me, yeah? Back to the mountain with me.”

Max kisses him.

It isn’t a yes, but it isn’t a no, and Daniel knows it’s all he can give.

“Goodbye, Daniel.”

[sailingesme]

Finally off the dock

4/11/25

We were planning on leaving the dock at YTC two days ago, but you know, sailing. Left Friday instead, my dad came bright and early with some coffee and popcorn chicken. So grateful he was able to host us for so long. Tolerate us really. That day we got out in the gulf and actually got all 3 sails up. Once we finally got the motor off, about 7 dolphins bee lined it right towards us, played in the waves on the bow and basically high fived us for finally being quiet in the water. Good job guys! No motor!! That was an exhilarating and exciting day and we sustained 7.5 knots most of time we were sailing. We made it to Venice to meet up with my dad’s neighbors, John and Laura Bokencamp. Ran aground (time number 5), and they helped us out. Took a silly amount of time to set the anchor, but finally we did. Exhausted, we went to bed only to wake up at 1am to a little squall. , boat blew all over, scared anchor was gonna drag and we’d smash into the rock jetty. Lighting, wind, couldn’t go to bed for at least an hour. Finally settled down, but Jimi and I still woke up every other hour checking the anchor holding. Will I ever get used to this unsettled feeling?

4/12/25

Mom and cat’s birthday. Cats are doing better, not freaking out as much, starting to get brave. Tried to go in the gulf but it was too choppy and windy for us, plus we had broken two sail slides the previous day and were feeling nervous. The look on Jimi’s face and said it all. So we turned back in towards land to cruise the ICW. Other than running aground (#6), it was pretty uneventful and frankly kinda boring. Kids finally knocked out some school work. Running aground this time enabled me to use my new BoatUS membership, worth its weight in gold. Scottie, the tow boat guy from Boston called and warned me there would be no chit chat and it would be straight to the point and no nonsense. “Get the line and go!” He explained to me over the phone. “I may be a little delayed because there’s a sharks tooth festival here in Venice.” if the word ‘tooth’ hadn’t followed ‘shark’ I would have thought he said there is a shack festival here in Venice. So as you imagine the next bit, keep that beautiful, thick Boston accent in your head. He got to us, and though I had relayed the message of Scottie’s urgency to Jimi, he had not taken me very seriously because he was stuffing his face with granola bars and peeling an orange, and strolled over to the bow of the boat asking Scottie which cleat he thought we should use. To which Scottie said, “doesn’t matter! Just throw it on and let’s go!!” In his thick Boston accent. I may have seen Jimi jump a little, as he finally got the message. Scottie waved his hands around at the weekend pontoon boaters and their faces appeared downright scared of Scottie, his furious arm flailing and his fire engine red boat. We had a clear path in seconds. After pulling us out, Scottie informed us that he pulls at least a few boats out a week from that spot alone. “That spot is sending my kid to college!!” He laughed before giving us some tips on the upcoming hazards and speeding away in a red blaze. The rest of the 5 hours, we cruised on the ICW, went under 6 bridges, and both realized I’ll need to be the VFW radio person while jimi drives so we don’t have another incident. So I’m working on my radio voice. Anchored in a little neighborhood, heading to Boca grande tomorrow to have a chill day.

4/13/25

Waking up late, and gonna motor down to Boca grande, about an hour or two away to go to the beach and get the kids ice cream at the pink pony. 

Chill day, went to the pink elephant and the pink pony. Why is everything so pink in Boca Grande?

4/14/25

Stayed near Boca grande in a rocky roll windy exposed anchorage. I kept getting up, checking the anchor. Even though we do have an anchor alarm on it. The boat was rolling around so much, even my sweatshirts hanging on the door were making an obnoxious noise. Every ten minutes I got up to see tie something down. Now what’s that noise? Really? A cat leash! Oh for heavens sake, I just want to go to sleep! It’s a strange feeling of wanting to maintain some awareness at night so you can pop out of bed and respond if something does go wrong, and desperately wanting sleep so you can be able to respond the next day. 

4/15/25 Pulled into the very busy little town of Ft Meyers beach (no Big Carlos) and caught a mooring ball on my first attempt! No getting dragged off the deck this time, yay! These mooring balls all have a little spliced loop on the end that you’re supposed to grab with a boat hook, and all the YouTube instructional videos make it look soooo much easier. One of the nice things about a mooring ball, is that they’re usual in a protected little space and you can finally get some sleep! Dinghy paddle in to the shore to get showers and do a bit of laundry. Our dinghy motor is 15hp which is perfect for a family of 4, but is absolutely a huge pain in the arse for jimi and I to lift on to the dinghy. Jimi’s rigging skills for tree work have translated to this new sailboat life in more ways than one. So we used the boom for the main sail to lower the motor onto the dinghy. Works, but still a huge pain in the butt and we’d rather paddle if it’s not all that far. Ft meyers beach is happening!! So many people, all the Jimi Buffet bars and Pirate restaurants were packed. Random floating tiki bars with crowds of people singing Tom Petty go by every 30 minutes. For a town that got absolutely clobbered in Hurricane Ian a few years ago, it’s heartening to see the recovery. It gives me hope for areas like St Pete and our home area in North Carolina and their recovery.

Goal today is to sail over to Marco Island. Here is where we say goodbye to the option of the ICW and have to take on the Gulf of..? Amexico?

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches tos: bread and circuses

seeking out a destroyed ship, can’t wait for this to go south

looks like earth

it’s exactly like earth. wonder what the chances of that one are

do. do they not have tv in the 23rd century

oh christ it’s an evil slaver planet

with gladiators

oh so the crash-landed survivors were dubbed barbarians?

now they’re doing a silly little jog down a mountain. someone get me that tumblr post about it

there’s a bit of schmutz on the camera and I just wiped my screen bc I thought it was on my computer lmao

if the prime directive is in effect is it really a good idea to bring an obvious alien along with you

why are they always comparing spock to satan I really don’t see the resemblance

convenient english-speaking human-looking aliens, as always

“I call them ears” I love Spock

alright so it’s weird modern-ish english-speaking rome

“our way is peace” isn’t there slavery

ohhh ok these people are the slaves, or at least were

and they worship the sun?

prime directive: violated

oh nvm he’s telling them it’s a water ship lmao

and now it’s violated

so worshipping the sun is illegal or something

ohhh ok so the people who crashed here violated the prime directive first

romans had no sun worship? I’ll take Bones’s word for that

ig it does seem strange for that to be the only difference between them and actual rome

return of the spock hats!!!

and off comes the hat

alright so they’re being taken as gladiators?

I love the guard seeing this random ass prisoner asking to see the emperor

“Medical men are trained in logic” “I assumed it was trial and error” I love these two so much

they have a very talkative sun

bones took to faking sick very quickly for someone who wasn’t informed of it beforehand

good for him

and now spock has a sword

and there’s a lot more guards waiting for them, so much for that

oh and here’s merik

or merikus as he’s dubbed himself

I can’t think of any facts that’ll make this less judgable

spock world wars are bad but that doesn’t exactly make this situation better

christ now they want enterprise personnel in the game

why does this guy have a southern accent

kirk does not summon the personnel down and he has No Regrets

ohhhh it’s a code! good move having one of those

so now scotty’s gonna terrorize the romans

good for him

these are the fakest fucking weapons and shields my god I love this show

ohhh all the audience reactions are faked

it’s also the fakest fucking fight but that one makes sense

jim pretending he won’t do anything to fix a no-win scenario

bones is doing very Not Good

and spock has broken the Rules

jimothy you self-sacrificing bastard

ooh hot lady in weird clothes

jim do not fuck the slave

spock’s out here trying to just physically bend the bars

isn’t it illogical to keep trying when it isn’t working?

thanking spock is the hardest thing bones has ever done

dammit spock just take the thanks

bones really just psychoanalyzed spock and laid him bare

ok I can see why people ship them this scene is kinda intimate

dammit jim I said DON’T fuck the slave

getting some last-meal vibes though

ah yep it was a last-meal thing

and now he dies

ofc he won’t actually die bc he’s james tiberius kirk but that’s not the point

time for his execution, but the power’s gonna go out and ofc they’re not gonna do it without an audience so kirk will have time to do a grand escape

oh nope flavius saved him lmao

that’s one way of opening a lock

merik was like “fuck this shit I’m out” but it did not work

ohhh they weren’t sun-worshippers they were christians

but for some reason christianity happened much later than it did in reality

this certainly was an episode! nothing like a planet inexplicably identical to earth

[qt-caity]

Star Trek Secret Santa 2020

A fic for @saritaadam for @startreksecretsanta for the prompt of “TOS Sulu, Chekov, and Uhura on their own adventures.” Thanks to @that-one-curly-haired-chick and @wreckx for looking it over for me.

“I’m still not sure I get it, “Chekov whispered under the latest round of applause and laughter.

Sulu was already prying the Russian’s communicator out of his hand and sliding it towards the middle of the table. “Not much to ‘get’ here, pal. Just hope you aren’t unlucky.”

Moments ago, when Chekov had been hovering in the doorway of the recreation room to see a group of senior officers huddled around a ring of communicators on a table, his first impressions were those of a cult. The deck officer who glanced up and immediately asked “You in?” did little to assuage that. Yet Chekov was smart enough to know that you could hardly afford to alienate other crewmembers in the early days of your first assignment. If the four hundred something people on this ship were all members of some secret cult, well, it was time for him to learn its laws.

Luckily, Lieutenant Sulu had recognized him and immediately waved him over to sit by him, persuading the others to let him have one round to watch before joining in the fun.

Unfortunately, Chekov was still confused as to what this fun was.

“Is this something for all in Starfleet? A game everyone plays?”

Sulu smiled and shook his head. “Only we’ve got Uhura. It’s basically a free show, Pavel. The price is just—” His words faded as the bosun whistle on the wall panel sounded.

“Kirk to Sulu.”

“Shit.” Sulu groaned.

Uhura rose gracefully to a chorus of cheers and groans, which quieted as she reached the panel.

“Kirk to Sulu.”

“Nyota, be kind,” Sulu begged before he was promptly shushed by the rest of the table.

Uhura gave a wink before extending a graceful finger to the comm. “Sulu here.”

Chekov blinked. The last round that he’d witnessed, he’d assumed Uhura was just answering comms in silly voices for fun. Knowing that her voice was now a perfect impersonation of Sulu’s. . . well, apparently that was the price of the show.

“Sulu, regarding our course to Agaron PrimeI. If we were to make a stop at the Canopus  first, how much would that delay our arrival?”

The table exploded into a muted explosion of giggles as every eye turned expectantly towards Sulu, who had sprung into action. Two fingers, then six, then four. A jabbing finger. Eight fingers. His hands held close together, then spread far apart.

Chekov looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. Uhura kept her cool gaze. “Did you say Canopus, Captain?”

Two, six, then four fingers. Three jabbing motions. Eight fingers, A decidedly frustrated and sarcastic spreading of the arms.

“Yes, Canopus. How long, Sulu?”

A pause. “I’m sorry sir…I’ll need time to work that out.”

“Hmmm. I see. See that it doesn’t take you too long to find a calculator, Lieutenant. Kirk out.”

“TWENTY SIX SOLAR DAYS,” Sulu burst out as soon as the red light on the wall dimmed. “IT’S FOUR POINT 8 LIGHTYEARS, AVERAGING 5.4 WARP, CALCULATED IN THEIR LOCAL TIME, THAT’S TWENTY SIX SOLAR—”

“Don’t tell her, laddie,” chuckled Scotty as the rest of the table burst into laughter. “Sounds to me like you’ve got a call to make.”

Sulu slumped in his chair and dejectedly sipped his drink. “One more round. The captain already thinks I can’t do warp equations at the ready. Five more minutes won’t damage my reputation any further.”

“I’d spend that time practicing your charades,” Uhura added lightly as she came behind Sulu’s chair. “No sun? No days? I’m not a mind reader, you know.”

“Just a life ruiner,” Sulu muttered darkly, but his mouth twitched as he brought his glass to his lips again.

“I do think that I’ve only one more round left in me, so before you all—" Uhura frowned as one of the communicators on the table buzzed with its whistle. “Is that…Pavel’s?”

Chekov’s heart sunk. “Da.” His shiny communicator stood out in the ring of dingy dull devices. “Yes, it’s mine.”

Everyone else reached out to pocket their device, murmuring in surprise as Uhura stayed put behind Sulu.

“That’s not fair to me, he’s only just got here!”

“You’ve had seven days, Nyota! You mastered Klingon barroom slang in half that time.”

“We do tell everyone you’re the best at this, you know.”

Uhura crossed her arms. “I’ll have you know Klingon barroom slang is quite easy to pick up once you’ve mastered one particular expletive. I’ve hardly gotten to spend any time with Pavel so far!”

“Yes, give the lady a break, please. It’s not like I have any noticeable accent to copy,” Chekov added helpfully, wondering why so many people broke out into snickers again.

“Sorry, Nyota. Your own rules, after all,” said Sulu firmly, gracefully reaching across and holding the communicator over his head towards Uhura.

“Sore loser,” Uhura muttered, but opened the communicator anyway and took a deep breath. “Chekov here.”

A mutter of approval circled the table at the reveal of Uhura’s first Russian accent. Not half bad, Chekov admitted to himself. She did sound like she came from St. Petersburg instead of Moscow, but he could take that up with her later.

“Ensign Chekov, this is Mister Spock.”

Whispers of excitement now. Sulu glanced over in time to see Chekov’s mouth beginning to open, and quickly slapped his hand across it. “Rules, Pavel.”

“Yes, Mister Spock.”

“Ensign, I am calling regarding our latest discussion that we had about the—”

Uhura’s eyes met Chekov’s, which were widened in shock. Hurriedly, she cut Spock off. “Da.”

“You know to what I’m referring?”

“Yes.”

“And you are prepared?

“…Da.”

A muffled scream came from behind Sulu’s hand, and other officers had to lean forward to keep Chekov from thrashing out of his chair. Uhura grimaced. “Vell, actually…”

“All can be arranged in more detail the next time we meet, Ensign. I look forward to seeing you at 1900 hours. Spock out.”

Sulu quickly withdrew his hand before it could be bitten off as the Russian threw himself out of his chair and gestured wildly towards the whole table. “CRAZY, ALL OF YOU. INSANE!”

“I tried to keep it neutral! I said ‘Da!” Uhura offered defensively.

“A WERY IMPORTANT ‘DA.’” Chekov broke down into a string of Russian which, if Uhura’s face was any clue, followed a drastic line of thought.

“Pavel, Pavel…” Sulu awkwardly stood next to the frantic ensign and grabbed his shoulder. “I know you just got here, and Mister Spock can seem…well, he’s a lot at first. But whatever you promised, Uhura can help you with it.” He looked up to meet Nyota’s glare. “Uhura and I can help you with it.”

********************************************************************************************************

    Sulu broke into what he hoped looked like a nonchalant jog as he followed Chekov down the hall. Uhura was keeping a much more leisurely pace behind, taking the time to greet every crewmember they passed. 

    “Pavel,” Sulu hissed after having to apologize to the fourth redshirt that Chekov nearly plowed into. “You said that you--Uhura--agreed to present your research to Mr. Spock tonight. We can help you finish, you’ve got plenty of time!”

    Chekov slowed in front of a laboratory door, nervously looking up and down the corridor, and even taking a peek into an adjacent Jeffries Tube. Uhura gracefully ducked her head to hide her smile. “Research is done, only....too much.”

    “Pavel, I don’t--” the door whooshed open and behind him, Sulu heard a particular Klingon expletive.

    “Pavel, you’ve only been here a few days!” Uhura cried in dismay, looking at the parts spread across the floor. “This looks like you spent months dismantling this!”

    “Well, I guess I can’t make fun of Riley for his lab accident anymore,” Sulu said lazily, picking up a piece of circuitry to inspect. “Remind me to never introduce you to him.”

    “This is serious!” Chekov was practically vibrating between the different corners of the room. “I was finishing my research and the machine was slow, so I try to improve it, but then it jammed, and I thought if I took it apart I could find problem--”

    “You know who would be best equipped to fix this?” Sulu murmured to Uhura. “One Mister Spock.”

    “Oh, hush,” Uhura scolded over Chekov’s wounded cry. “There’s always Mr. Scott. He was just with us, I can go--”

    “No, no, no!” Chekov pleaded, his eyes wide. “No senior officers. Nobody important. I cannot risk having the first thing on my record be a demerit!”

    “Or an invoice,” Uhura added lightly.

    “Thanks for the compliment, Pavel. But neither of us are engineers.”

    “Speak for yourself.” Uhura plucked the circuit out of Sulu’s hands. “I’ve done emergency surgery on my array to at least hide most of the damage here.”

    “Fix it enough so that some other poor soul will come and break it next. Sneaky.”

    Chekov looked as though he were about to faint. “It’s not my intention to--”

    “We’re just kidding, Pavel. Grab a hyperspanner. If we’re going to let Mr. Spock in here in time, we’d better hustle.”

********************************************************************************************************

    When Mr. Spock entered the environmental sciences lab at 18:58, he found a more sociable scene than he was anticipating. 

    “Lieutenant Uhura. Mr. Sulu,” he nodded. “What brings you to this part of the ship?”

    “Just getting to know the new Ensign, sir. We’ll be out of your way now. Uhura, would you like to join me for dinner?”

    “Of course, Hikaru.” Uhura grasped Chekov’s hand for a moment, before placing it firmly on the center of the console plate, giving it an extra press before leaving to follow Sulu. “STAY confident, Pavel, and good luck.”

    Sulu waited until they were a whole corridor away before letting his head roll back with a sigh. “He’s going to be trouble.”

    “All the good ones are.” Uhura and Sulu reentered the same rec room as before just as a bosun whistle sounded from the wall panel. 

    “Uhura! I’ll wager my Enolian spice wine that you can’t fool whoever’s on the other end of that one!”

    Uhura only paused for a moment before shrugging and making her way over. Sulu shook his head, dumbfounded. “You never learn, do you?”

    “Be a dear and fetch my dinner and I’ll share some of the wine with you.”

    “Yes, ma’am” Sulu saluted and made his way over to the replicators. He was about to punch in his order when he saw a figure duck behind a receptacle. Curious, he peeked around.

    Captain Kirk was hunched over his communicator. “Ensign, you sound unwell. Should I call Sickbay?” 

    Kirk looked up to glance across the room and immediately met Sulu’s gaze. He smirked, put a finger to his lips, and winked before speaking again. “You really sound congested, Ensign. Don’t make me make this an order.” He then leaned away from the communicator to whisper to Sulu, “Keep quiet about this and I’ll keep quiet about the spice wine.”

    “Aye, sir,” Sulu whispered back and turned back to the replicator. The new Ensign might be a handful, but he would fit right in on this captain’s ship.

[rawiswhore]

Raven x Fem Reader- “That’s So Raven”

Believe it or not, I think there's nothing wrong with men, guys and boys who don't watch women's wrestling or even professional wrestling in general to get their dicks hard, but I was watching this segment during ECW's heyday in the 90's where Sandman's wife was writhing on Raven, sliding her hands down his body and looking like she's giving him a blowjob, and I thought that was hot/sexy.

Although, it wasn't just hot because of her, and she wasn't really a wrestler, neither was her husband (no offence to Sandman)...

________________________________________________________________

Breaking out from playing that corny Pauly Shore lookalike named Scotty Flamingo he played in WCW and that dorky but unique Johnny Polo gimmick he played in the WWF, Scott Levy has now entered a wrestling company that was the polar opposite of the WWF and WCW during the mid 1990's: ECW, and he now is known as something he'll always be remembered for, an angst ridden, whiny, depressed, and sometimes even sociopathic grunge kid named Raven.

Raven and ECW are perfect for the 90's, not only was grunge immensly popular during that decade, but ECW was edgy, dark, nihilistic, "extreeeeem" and badass, much like the 90's.

Even though he did get hotter and sexier when he joined WCW, Raven was probably one of the few wrestlers in ECW who was pretty sexy and nice to look at, even though his curly hair is hiding his face most of the time.

During his time in ECW, before he joined WCW, there was a segment where he was sitting down in the corner of the ring, his usual and even signature pose.   Several people in the audience were watching him, and this was even being filmed and broadcast on television.   You were on the opposite side of Raven across from him.  

The lids of your eyes had dark colored eyeshadow covering them, you were dressed in a skimpy outfit; a black tube top and black pleather short shorts, your outfit blended perfectly with ECW's fight club atmosphere, especially considering most of the women in ECW were just there to be eye candy fap material.

You slowly began crawling towards Raven, crawling to him like you were Shakira in the "Whenever Wherever" music video when she's crawling in the mud, crawling to him like Britney Spears in the "I Love Rock n Roll" video when she's crawling on the floor.

You looked like a black panther, cheetah or leopard on the prowl, and you were looking at him like you wanted him, smiling from ear to ear wickedly.

As you crawled up to him, the males in the audience were getting a massive kick out of you sexually crawling up to him, standing up out of their seats and filling the room up with roars and cheers,  some of them even making those silly "wolf whistles" at you.

"Mmmmm, mmmmmmmm, y/n!" Joey Styles exclaimed. "Gives new meaning to 'Come Out and Play'!"

Get it?

Because Raven's entrance theme when he was in ECW was the Offspring's "Come Out and Play", and you were coming out and about to play with him.

Raven, meanwhile, didn't seem all that amused.

He still had that little scowl on his face and didn't seem to be mildly interested in you.

Some people in the audience are probably thinking Raven is a homosexual for not being sexually aroused by a beautiful half naked woman crawling up to him like Lady Gaga in the "Bad Romance" video when she's crawling on the floor.

Joey Styles is the commentator in ECW, and even though he wasn't being filmed, he joked that it's a good thing Raven wears those flannels tied around his waist to hide something, try to guess what that joke is.

Joey figures you're trying to seduce Raven with the way you're dressed.

When you had approached Raven, close enough to touch him, you lifted one of your hands from the ring and moved a few strands of his curls out of the way so you could look at his handsome face he's hiding behind those Ramen Noodle-like curls.

He still had no emotion on his face, if anything, his face looked really depressed, grouchy and unamused.

Well, maybe this might tickle his fancy, literally.

That same hand that brushed his curls out of his face grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him closer to you, until your lips locked with his, your eyes closing when your lips collided with his.

Even his eyes shut when his lips locked with yours.

This got a massive pop from the audience, the audience roaring and cheering even louder than before, including some males making those same corny wolf whistles at you.

Though, the audience was probably expecting you to do something like this, considering you were crawling up to him sexually and dressed like you wanted to seduce him.

"Oh my God!" Joey shrieked off camera, sounding like a mixture of Jerry Lawler during his commentary days and Rowdy Roddy Piper, his eyes bugging out and pretending to be shocked, though isn't it obvious you were gonna make out with Raven?

You started making out and kissing Raven, your lips were sucking in between his lips and eventually separating from his mouth by an inch, only to join again by your lips nudging his lips.

He isn't putting his hands on you and pushing you away, and that's a good thing.

The camera filming this is zooming in on your face and his making out with each other.

You were making out with him like Cardi B at the beginning of her "Press" music video when she's making out with some other woman, his top lip in between your lips.

Sometimes, you kissed him long and not let your lips separate from his, having his lips in between yours and sucking that long kiss (and you don't mean suck as in something is terrible).

You even managed to slip him the tongue, your tongue lolling out of your mouth and licking up his tongue.

Some people in the audience could even see that you were French kissing him.

"I saw some tongue!" Joey Styles exclaimed and shrieked.

Raven, however, isn't really licking your tongue back.

The audience, meanwhile, is enjoying this, some of them were even chanting "Raven's got a wood-y!" over and over again, like when Stevie Richards made out with Missy Hyatt.

Raven does have an erection deep down, but he's playing a moody, angst ridden, depressed grunge kid who wants to be left alone.

Could even you, a sexually attractive half naked woman sexually crawling up to him give a cynical, nihilistic grunge brat an erection?

He can't be that depressed, can he?

Hey, y'know, sex can cure depression, can't it?

Your tongue moved from his mouth to under his chin, where your tongue stroked and licked his facial hair, his stubble short, rough and bristly, like sandpaper.

This got a shock and surprise from the men in the audience, seeing you lick his slight little beard.

But the crowd still seemingly loved it, cheering for you and even wolf whistling at you.

Joey Styles was pretending to be shocked and surprised, since this was all rehearsed, his eyes growing wide at you licking his facial hair and his voice shrill and high pitched.

"Oh mah Gawd!" Joey shrieked, his voice the same shrill, annoying Southern accent "Is she licking him?!"

No duh. What else are you doing?

You could nearly roll your eyes every time Joey shrieked out his "oh mah Gawd!" catchphrase.

Raven though, still wasn't all that amused, his eyes were staring at you licking the facial stubble under his chin.

Thank goodness you weren't wearing lipstick because then Raven would end up getting lipstick on his lips.

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Overwhelmed

I was originally going to make you guys wait till tomorrow for this, but I figured I may as well post it now! Team whump, because I'm starting to get the hang of writing it, and caretaker!Thane because the world needs more of that tbh. Poor Av having yet another panic attack.

Avanda hurried to apply pressure to the slash on Thane's forearm. It was a deep gash, and her hand only covered the middle third of it. She scowled as she used her other hand to scramble around in the drawer next to her, fingers searching fruitlessly for the tool she needed. 

"Jalev!" She snapped, "Where's the Consarcino?"

"Uh, I have it." Avanda looked up at her assistant. They were holding the tool in their hands, and using it on one of the many deep slashes that covered Caelum's upper body. A quick count gave Avanda a total of five. One ran diagonally across his whole torso, the rest littering his arms and chest. Jalev was not in real great shape themself. Their eyes were unfocused and blinking hard. Avanda couldn't tell if the blinking was an attempt to keep the blood out of their eyes, or if it was a result of the concussion they must have sustained. Avanda let out an angry growl. 

"Carina, take over from Jay."

"Ok, just a minute." 

Avanda's head swung around, glaring at Carina. Carina had a bloody nose, a black eye, and was struggling to help Jadè over to a table, the younger girl limping and crying from what Avamda could only assume was a broken ankle, based on that angle. 

"What the hell happened out there?" She snapped, "This was supposed to be a simple escort mission!"

Thane shrugged. "There was an attack."

"Nothing the ol' Doc can't handle though!" Caelum said cheerfully from his perch on the exam table. 

"Don't be so sure." Avanda mumbled, her voice betraying her exhaustion as she struggled to keep her old accent in check.

Carina rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Av. It isn't that bad. It's just been a busy week, that's all. No reason to start using that silly, fake accent."

Avanda let out a noise that was somewhere in between a growl and a sigh as she began to wrap Thane's arm tightly with gauze. 

"Damn it, Jim, she's a doctor, not a machine!" Caelum teased from across the room, his impression of Dr. McCoy sounding suspiciously more like Scotty.

Avanda's frown deepened, and her throat tightened. 

"You guys need to be more careful." She warned. 

"And you need to lighten up a bit!" Thane teased, patting his sister's hand with his free hand.

*******

Nyar looked up as Avanda stormed into his quarters. 

"Come in," he said dryly, motioning to the chair in front of his desk. "Something on your mind, Av?"

Avanda gripped the back of the chair with both hands, her jaw clenched tightly. Her eyes stormed like a raging sea, and her hair was only barely held back from her face. 

"Talk to your crew, Captain." She snarled, "Talk to your crew, and tell them to be more careful on missions."

Nyar set his pen down, folding his hands a little as he shifted, leaning his head towards Avanda a little. "If I may be so forward, Doctor ….isn't that your job?"

Avanda scoffed. "Yeah. Yeah it is. And trust me, I've been telling them that." Her voice wavered a little before she continued. "I tell them that over and over, until I'm blue in the face. But they don't...they won't listen to me, Ny." She finally moved around the chair, sinking into it and resting her elbows on her knees, then placing her face in her hands. "There are three of them spending the night in the MedBay tonight. That's 43% of the crew, Nyar. 57% if you count me."

"You voluntarily did math?"

"No, I asked the computer to do it for me so I could prove a point." Avanda took her hands away from her face and leaned back in her seat. "Nyar, I haven't slept longer than two hours in….three weeks. I'm exhausted. I can't- I can't keep doing this. I need you to talk to them. They won't listen to me. But you're their captain, maybe they'll listen to you."

Nyar nodded thoughtfully. "I'll talk to them, Av. Go get some rest."

Avanda stood up, her jaw clenching as she left.  

"Bold of you to assume I have the time for that." She muttered under her breath. 

Nyar waited until the door had clicked shut, then pressed a button on his desk. 

"Archie, set a training drill for tomorrow, 02:00 hours." He said, watching his computer screen. 

"Should I inform the crew, Captain?"

"No, thank you."

******

Thane jolted awake at 02:00, the Archangel's alarms blaring loudly, and Nyar shouting orders. 

"LET'S GO LADIES!" Nyar bellowed, "TIMER'S RUNNING! BATTLE STATIONS!" 

Thane dropped out of his bunk, wincing a little as his ankle reminded him that it had gotten twisted a few days earlier. He pulled on his uniform jacket and snatched up his sidearm, then opened the door and started down the hallway to the bridge. 

Carina winked at him as she emerged from her quarters and quickly passed him. Jadè stumbled out of the MedBay door, Jalev hot on her tail as she let out an excited woop. 

"C'mon Avi!" She shouted over her shoulder, "Let's kick some ass!" She followed the rest of the crew down the hall, and Thane frowned as Avanda emerged as well, trailing behind Caelum. 

"Av?" Caelum stopped, turning to face the door.

The alarms kept their screaming as Thane and Caelum stood watching the medic. Her eyes were bleary and unfocused, and her breathing was labored. 

"Av, are you ok?" Thane stepped a little closer, his gun dropping as he went. 

Avanda's teeth chattered and she shook her head, eyes closed. 

"Can't-" she hissed, "Can't-can't Brea-" her hand flew up to the collar of her uniform, pulling on it. Her other hand gripped the wall in an attempt to hold herself up as her legs folded and she dropped like a stone to the floor. 

Thane and Caelum were on the floor next to her in a heartbeat, Thane's gun dropping to the ground as he took his sister's shoulders. She was hyperventilating, her body shaking violently as she struggled to breathe. 

"What's happening?" Caelum asked, his voice pitched up in panic, "JAY, GET DOWN HERE!" He shot Thane a look. "Is she having a seizure?"

Thane shook his head as the rest of the crew looped back to them. "Panic attack." He answered quickly. "Back up a bit, yeah? I've got this."

Caelum sat back, shaking a little as well now, watching as Thane took Avanda's hand away from her neck. 

"Av, it's ok, you're ok." Thane said, one hand sliding up to support her head. "I'm here, ok? Ok, breathe...breathe with me, Av." He took her hand and placed it against his chest, forcing the fingers of her first to uncurl. "There you go….come on Av…."

The rest of the crew had gathered now, standing behind him and watching in shocked silence. 

Avanda still wasn't breathing normally, her head pushing back against Thane's hand.

"Nyar, do something about those damn alarms." Thane snapped, half looking over his shoulder at the young captain. "Av, it's ok. It was just a drill, we're safe."

"Archie, end drill." Nyar said quickly. 

"Av. Av, breathe hun. Breathe," 

Avanda gasped, her eyes opening and fixing on Thane. He felt her hand press into his chest a little firmer as she centered herself, struggling to slow her breathing so that it matched his. After several agonizing moments, her body relaxed, and Thane wrapped her in a tight hug as the medic started weeping. 

Nyar turned to his crew, his eyes stone cold. 

"This is why you guys need to be more careful on missions." He said, voice low and angry. "What if this had been real? If you guys have worn her so thin on little missions that she has nothing left to give on big missions, how can we expect to keep going?"

Thane helped Avanda stand, leading her back to her bunk, trying to chase away the last of the panic. 

"I'm sorry," she whimpered as he pulled the covers up over her shoulders. "I'm so sorry, I should be better than this."

Thane shook his head, placing a hand on her hair. Her accent was thick now, almost as thick as it had been when they were children, before the teachers at the Academy had beaten it out of her.

"We should be the ones apologizing to you, Avocado. You've been busting your ass, and we shouldn't have been pushing you that hard. Get some rest, ok? I'll keep an eye on them all while you sleep."

Avanda nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, Thane."

[gothicwidowsworld]

Lewis Capaldi #18

Requested - can you do a lewis imagine where you go to visit him on tour for like 2 weeks and when you get there the band is like oh thank god he’s gonna be so happy and y'all are just cute on the tour bus and shit

I kinda changed it a little bit but I hope you enjoy it @megandonaldson. I might make a 3rd part with all the cute shit lol x 

Y/N sighed heavily to herself as she scrolled through the hundreds of pictures and videos in her phone, each one making her heart break a little more. The memories seemed to taunt her almost comically. Readjusting her chin on the plain pillow the girl couldn’t help but sigh again brushing her y/h/c hair that had the audacity to block her view out of her eyes. The low rumbling of the tour bus reminding her how many miles there where between her and Lewis, Tours were nothing new to the girl but this time it seemed to last forever. Don’t get me wrong Y/N appreciated and loved every single one of the bands loyal radioheads but Lewis was home and everyone can get a little homesick now and then. At first Jack would mock his bandmate along with Scotty and Archie but the girl simply stayed quiet before slinking off to call the Glaswegian man she’d grown to love. “Alright this is getting ridiculous!” Scotty stated to his fellow band members who had collected around the faux oak table from his digital drum kit. “She can’t help missing him” Archie argued softly “But she’ll let me go crazy?” Scotty retaliated rolling his eyes. Ripping open the thin blackout curtain Y/N poked her head out “Will you shut up Scotty!” tears pooling at her y/e/c eyes before returning to snuggle back into her cave like bunk. Jack huffed slapping the blonde on the head at his insensitivity “No we’ll just have to deal with it like a family.” his Irish accent seeping through “unless..” he continued signalling for the other two men to follow him to the front of the bus. 

Psyching herself up Y/N did her usual pre show ritual of brushing her teeth while jumping around to get the energy pumping. Soon it was time for another evening of playing to a large crowd who were all dying to bask in the heavenly music (well heavenly for some but that’s a matter of opinion.) they created. “HELLO SAN FRANCISCO!!!” the girl screamed to the sea of endless faces and almost for a microsecond you could have heard a pin drop before a thundering echo of excited screams returned her welcome. With a smile plastered on her face Y/N introduced her bandmates before the familiar chords of Circles pulled her into autopilot. Finally came time for the break in which the band would answer a few questions in an attempt to regain their breath. The questions  were mostly the same as they were at every location along with the occasional cheer interrupting an answer. “Oh okay this ones interesting” Archie started eagerly from the bar stool that had been brought on stage “All it says is Did you miss me?” a knowing smirk working its way across his tanned features “What the fuck” Y/N whispered into the mic from her stretched out position on the floor the coldness of the front stage embracing the y/h girl “Moriarty is that you…” pulling a distorted face mocking Jack’s accent creepily repeating ‘did you miss me’  before realising everyone including the hyped crowd had gone deadly silent “Jeez okay guys I know my impression is bad but damn” the girl chuckled lightly trailing off as she sat up. Out of nowhere a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her tightly “Well did you? I definitely missed you” the familiar scent of Old Spice flooded her nostrils “Lew” the girl managed to squeak out before throwing herself at the man eyes flickering over him to reassure herself he was really there. “Why ya crying eh” Lewis whispered to her wiping away the salty tears that had made their way down from her y/e/c eyes “nah need for tears silly.” the brunet stated cuddling her securely into his side. For those few seconds it seemed as though the young couple were in their own little world neither of them caring about the thousands of people watching the small intimate moment. “Now that you have your boy toy can you be normal now?” Scotty questioned dramatically behind his drum kit sipping at his lukewarm water.  

[rubismoviediaries]

Why Him? Movie Review

So in regard of the fact that I was stoned when I watched it the first time, I'm going to write this while I rewatch the movie "Why him?". My impression of the movie after I first watched it was that it's one of those silly comedies, except they take the jokes to the next level. And since I don't remember any joke, let's see if that is still accurate when I'm sober. This is my first post like this and I doubt that anyone will read it at this point, but if you disagree, feel free to let me know why respectfully :) here we go.

We meet James Franco in his role as the shameless and unreliable Laird, who is Stephanie's boyfriend. Even though she seems like a preppy, typical good girl, she is very comfortable with Laird's wild lifestyle and behaviour. The premise in this movie is to make her family accept his weird character and possibly come to like it.

And to add to the comedic effect, the estate manager Gustav is played by Keegan-Michael Key with a pretty decent German accent with a little bit of an Indian accent as well. His exaggerated character makes him questionable but nonetheless hella funny. During the scenes between Steph and her dad, it becomes clear that they are very close and he tries his best to give her boyfriend a chance. Laird seems makes inappropriate comments throughout the entire movie, while making it clear that he has the best intentions with Stephanie. I personally think they have great chemistry.

More things I loved about the movie: - the facial expressions (mainly Bryan Cranston and Keegan-Michael Key) - awkward silences -continuous disasters while Laird tries to make a good impression -the absurtity of it all -Bryan Cranston being just such a typical dad -also Bryan Cranston and James Franco talking about bukkake -the moose teabagging scotty

Though, of course, I do enjoy a comedy, but I can be fairly picky about the humour. This particular movie can be considered a standard doofy trash comedy. But I think the dialogues and every scene are surprising in many ways and they really did take the jokes to another level.

Rating: ★★★★☆

[harrisonstories]

George Harrison performing at the Royal Albert Hall (1992)

Guitar World Interviews George Harrison (released Jan. 2001 - original interview from 1992)

George Harrison looks back at the days when he played lead guitar in The Beatles, the greatest rock and roll band the world has ever known.

By Vic Garbarini

“So, you’re a real loony too,” laughs George Harrison, with the familiar droll, nasal Scouse (as they call it in Liverpool) accent. “Remember lying in that room all day, needle in your arm, feeling dazed, staring up at that ugly lime green ceiling?”

Well, yes, actually I do. And no, we weren’t shooting dope together in some dive. The lead guitarist of the most important group in rock history is reminding me of when we met a few years back in Dr. Sharma’s clinic in London. Sharma is an M.D. who is also an internationally recognized expert in alternative medicine - in particular, homeopathic and Indian Ayurvedic medicines - and it was these treatments that appealed to Harrison’s Eastern philosophic bent. Her waiting room looked like backstage Live Aid: Tina Turner and members of the Police, Pink Floyd - and of course an occasional Beatle - were drifting in and out. Through Sharma, I’d been promised an interview with George Harrison, and now 10 years later - we were finally sitting down to talk. It was late 1992, and George was promoting Live in Japan (Warner Bros.), the concert album of his 1991 tour with Eric Clapton and the last album he released to date.

So why is this interview finally finding its way to print eight years after the fact? Simple: it was lost. Parts had appeared in Guitar World and other places, but the body of the tape disappeared when the famous 1994 L.A. earthquake turned my apartment into a cosmic Cuisinart. Recently, while I was cleaning out a closet, the long-lost tape literally fell into my lap. The timing couldn’t have been better: All Things Must Pass, Harrison’s superb 1970 solo album, had just recently been issued in a remastered and expanded format. What’s more, the massive Beatles Anthology (Chronicle Books) has once again put the Fabs back in the limelight; but while the book is crammed with minutiae that will fascinate anyone with any interest in the Beatles, it contains little information on how the group created its music, the source of its internal conflicts or how those two elements interacted over the years.

I found that Harrison needed a little prodding before he would discuss the band’s inner turmoil. Once he opened up, though, he gave a most revealing and candid interview in which he expressed his true feelings for his fellow bandmates. Although Harrison was the first lead guitarist to become an equal in a major band (pre-Beatles guitarists like Scotty Moore, from Elvis Presley’s band, were clearly hired guns), he was sandwiched between the two most towering songwriters in rock history - and they often wanted to control his playing - or even do it for him. And of course, getting a decent hearing of his songs was no picnic either.

Perhaps it is for these reasons that Harrison has a reputation as the most dour of Beatles; yet he was witty and upbeat during our talk. He forgave Paul McCartney’s controlling tendencies and John Lennon’s indifference - but, it was clear, he hasn’t forgotten. He seemed emotionally evenhanded, even when angry, balancing the good with the bad and always seeing the positive dimension to all his struggles.

“I’m a Pisces, you know,” he joked. “One half always going back where the other half has been.”

George was also surprisingly willing to talk about the Beatles from the unique perspective of a guitarist as well as that of a composer. He told how he developed a guitar style that combined the music of the Mississippi Delta with that of India’s Ganges Delta, thereby creating his distinctive sound. He spoke of his relationships with Lennon and McCartney: who was more stimulating - and difficult - to work with, and why. He also described how he sneaked Eric Clapton into the studio to rescue one of Harrison’s greatest songs, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.” And he answered the long-standing questions about whether he was bored during the making of Sgt. Pepper’s.

This may well be the most comprehensive, free-ranging discussion Harrison has ever granted on his years with the Beatles. So, now, here’s the man from the band you’ve known for all these years: Mr. George Harrison.

Guitar World: John Lennon said, “I grew up in Hamburg - not Liverpool.” Is that also true of the Beatles as a group?

George Harrison: Oh, yeah. Before Hamburg, we didn’t have a clue. [laughs] We’d never really done any gigs. We’d play a few parties, but we’d never had a drummer longer than one night at a time. So we were very ropy, just young kids. I was actually the youngest - I was only 17, and you had to be 18 to play in the clubs - and we had no visas. They wound up deporting me after our second year there. Then Paul and Pete Best [the Beatles’ first permanent drummer GW Ed.] got deported for some silly reason, and John just figured he might as well come home. But when we went there, we weren’t a unit as a band yet. When we arrived in Hamburg, we started playing eight hours a day - like a full workday. We did that for a total of 11 or 12 months, on and off over a two year period. It was pretty intense.

GW: Paul McCartney told me that playing for those drunken German sailors, trying to lure them in to buy a couple of beers so you could keep your gig, was what galvanized the band into a musical form.

HARRISON: That’s true, because we were forced to learn to play everything. At first, we played music of all our heroes - Little Richard, Fats Domino, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, the Everly Brothers, Ray Charles, Carl Perkins - anything we’d ever liked. But we still needed more to fill those eight-hour sets. Eventually we had to stretch and play a lot of stuff that we didn’t know particulary well. Suddenly, we were even playing movie themes, like “A Taste of Honey” or “Moonglow,” learning new chords, jazz voicings, the whole bit. Eventually, it all combined together to make something new, and we found our own voice as a band.

GW: I can see how all this musical stretching gave you the tools to eventually create your own unique sound. But it’s hard to believe drunken sailors would want to hear movie ballads.

HARRISON: No, we played those things because we got drunk! If you’re coming in at three or four in the afternoon with a massive hangover from playing all night on beer and uppers, and there’s hardly anybody in the club, you’re not going to feel like jumping up and down and playing “Roll Over Beethoven.” You’re going to sit down and playing something like “Moonglow.” And we learned a lot from doing that.

GW: Did those tight, Beatles vocal harmonies also come out of Hamburg?

HARRISON: We always loved those American girls groups, like the Shirelles and the Ronettes. So yeah, we developed our harmonies from trying to come up with an English, male version of their vocal feel. We discovered the option of having three-part harmonies, or lead vocal and two-part backup, from doing that old girl-goup material. We even covered some of those songs, like “Baby, It’s You,” on our first album.

GW: When you broke through in America, Carl Perkins and Scotty Moore, Elvis’ guitarists, were clearly your main influences as a guitarist. And, like them, you were using a Gretsch guitar. What was it about that rocka-billy style that captivated you?

HARRISON: Carl was playing that simple, amazing blend of country, blues and early rock, with these brilliant chordal solos that were very sophisticated. I heard his version of “Blue Suede Shoes” on the radio the other day, and I’ll tell you, they don’t come more perfect than that. Later, when we met Carl, he was such a sweet fellow, a lovely man. I did a TV special with him a couple of years ago and I used the Gretsch Tennessean again for that, the one I like to call the Eddie Cochran/Duane Eddy model. And you have to understand how radical that sound was at the time. Nowadays, we have all this digital stuff, but the records of that period had a certain atmosphere. Part of it was technical: the engineer would have to pot the guitar [adjust its level and tone] up and down or whatever. It was a blend that was affected by the live “slap echo” they were using. I loved that slap bass feel - the combination between the bass, the drum and the slap, and how they would all come together to make that amazing sound. We used to think that the drummer must be drumming on the double bass’ strings to get that slap back - we just couldn’t figure it out.

GW: The other major factor in your playing was Chuck Berry. I remember being a kid and hearing you do “Roll Over Beethoven” and thinking it was a Beatles song. We never heard black artists on the radio in those days.

HARRISON: Oh, that’s still happening. We did a press conference in Japan when I played live there with Eric Clapton [in 1991], and the first question was, “Mr. Harrison, are you going to play ‘Roll Over Beethoven’ in concert?” And when I said yes, the whole hall stood up and applauded! It was such a big thing for them, which seemed so funny. Then I realized they must still think I wrote it.

GW: Going back to the Beatles’ early touring days, Ringo Starr told me that you all gave up on playing live because you literally couldn’t hear each other, due to all the screaming and the primitive amplification.

HARRISON: We couldn’t hear a thing. We were using these 30-watt amps until we played Shea Stadium, at which point we got those really big 100-watt amps. [laughs] And nothing was even miked up through a P.A. system. They had to listen to us just through those tiny amplifiers and the vocal mikes.

GW: Did you ever give up and just mime?

HARRISON: Yeah, sometimes we used to play absolute rubbish. At Shea Stadium, [during “I’m Down,”] John was playing a little Vox organ with his elbow. He and I were howling with laughter when we were supposed to be doing the background vocals. I really couldn’t hear a thing. Nowadays, if you can get a good balance on your monitors, it’s so much easier to hear your vocals and stay in pitch. When you can’t hear your own voice onstage, you tend to go over the top and sing sharp - which we often did back then.

GW: The Beatles stopped touring in 1966 around the time of Revolver. That album was a quantum leap in terms of the band’s playing and songwriting. Rock could now deal with our inner lives, alienation, spirituality and frustration, things which it had never dealt so directly with before. And the guitars and music warped into a new dimension. What kicked that off? Was it Dylan, the Byrds, Indian music and philosophy?

HARRISON: Well, all of those things came together. And I think you’re right, around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver we just became more conscious of so many things. We even listened deeper, somehow. That’s when I really enjoyed getting creative with the music - not just with my guitar playing and songwriting but with everything we did as a band, including the songs that the others wrote. It all deepened and became more meaningful.

GW: Dylan inspired you guys lyrically to explore deeper subjects, while the Beatles inspired him to expand musically, and to go electric. His first reaction on hearing the Beatles was supposedly, “Those chords!” Did you ever talk to him about the way you influenced each other?

HARRISON: Yes, and it was just like you were saying. I was at Bob’s house and we were trying to write a tune. And I remember saying, “How did you write all those amazing words?” And he shrugged and said, “Well, how about all those chords you use?” So I started playing and said it was just all these funny chords people showed me when I was a kid. Then I played two major sevenths in a row to demonstrate, and I suddenly thought, Ah, this sounds like a tune here. Then we finished the song together. It was called “I’d Have You Anytime,” and it was the first track on All Things Must Pass.

GW: Paul told me that Rubber Soul was just “John doing Dylan.” Do you think Dylan felt that?

HARRISON: Dylan once wrote a song called “Fourth Time Around.” to my mind, it was about how John and Paul, from listening to Bob’s early stuff, had written “Norwegian Wood.” Judging from the title, it seemed as though Bob had listened to that and wrote the same basic song again, calling it “Fourth Time Around.” The title suggests that the same basic tune kept bouncing around over and over again.

GW: The same cross-fertillization seemed to be going on between the Beatles and the Byrds around that time. Your song “If I Needed Someone” has got to be a tip of the hat to Roger McGuinn, right?

HARRISON: We were friends with the Byrds and we certainly liked their records. Roger himself said that the first time he saw a Rickenbacker 12-string was in A Hard Day’s Night, and he certainly stamped his personality onto that sound later. Wait - I’ll tell you what it was. Now that I’m thinking about it, that song actually was inspired by a Byrds song, “The Bells of Rhymney.” Any guitar player knows that, with that open-position D chord, you just move your fingers around and you get all these little maladies…I mean melodies! Well, sometimes maladies [laughs] And that became a thrill, to see how many more tunes you could write around that open D, like “Here Comes the Sun.”

GW: When you did that tour with Eric Clapton in Japan, you opened with “I Want to Tell You,” from Revolver. The song marked a turning point in your playing, and in the history of rock music writing. There’s a weird, jarring chord at the end of every line that mirrors the disturbed feeling of the song. Everybody does that today, but that was the first time we’d heard that in a rock song.

HARRISON: I’m really pleased that you noticed that. That’s an E7th with an F on the top, played on the piano. I’m really proud of that, because I literally invented that chord. The song was about the frustration we all feel about trying to communicate certain things with just words. I realized the chords I knew at the time just didn’t capture that feeling. So after I got the guitar riff, I experimented until I came up with this dissonant chord that really echoed that sense of frustration. John later borrowed it on Abbey Road. If you listen to “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” it’s right after John sings “it’s driving me mad!” To my knowledge, there’s only been one other song where somebody copped that chord - “Back on the Chain Gang” by the Pretenders.

GW: Around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver, you met Ravi Shankar and went to India to study Indian classical music, which is full of microtonal slurs and blends. When you came back, your guitar playing became more elastic, yet very precise. You were finding more notes between the cracks, like you can in Indian music - especially on your slide work. Is there a connection there?

HARRISON: Sure, because whatever you listen to has to come out in some way or other. I think Indian music influenced the inflection of how I played, and certain things I play certainly have a feel similar to the Indian style. As for slide, I think most people - Keith Richards for example - play block chords and all those blues fills, which are based on open tunings. My solos are actually like melodic runs, or counter melodies, and sometimes I’ll add a harmony line to it as well.

GW: Like on “My Sweet Lord” and the songs on your first solo album [All Things Must Pass].

HARRISON: Exactly. Actually, now that you’ve got me thinking about my guitar playing Indian music, I remember Ravi Shankar brought an Indian musician to my house who played classical Indian music on a slide guitar. It’s played like a lap steel and set up like a regular guitar, but the nut and bridges are cranked up, and it even has sympathetic drone strings, like a sitar. He played runs that were so precise and in perfect pitch, but so quick! When he was rocking along, doing these really fast runs, it was unbelievable how much precision was involved. So there were various influences. But it would be precocious to compare myself with incredible musicians like that.

GW: When you came back from India, did you intentionally copy on guitar any of the techniques you learned there?

HARRISON: When I got back from this incredible journey to India, we were about to do Sgt. Pepper’s, which I don’t remember much at all. I was into my own little world, and my ears were just all filled up with all this Indian music. So I wasn’t really into sitting there, thrashing through [sings nasally] “I’m fixing a hole…” Not that song, anyway. But if you listen to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” you’ll hear me try and play the melody on guitar with John’s voice, which is what the instrumentalist does in Hindustani vocal music.

GW: Paul told me you wanted to do a similar thing on “Hey Jude,” to echo his vocal phrases on the guitar, and that he wouldn’t let you. He admitted that incidents like that were one of the causes of the band’s breakup. And Ringo said you had the toughest job, because Paul in particular and George Martin as well would sometimes try and dictate what you should play, even on your solos.

HARRISON: Well, you know, that’s okay. I don’t remember the specifics on that song. [pauses] Look, the thing is, so much has been said about our disagreements. It’s like…so much time has lapsed, it doesn’t really matter anymore.

GW: Was Paul trying to just hold the band together, or was he just becoming a control freak? Or was it a little of both?

HARRISON: Well…sometimes Paul “dictated” for the better of a song, but at the same time he also pre-empted some good stuff that could have gone in a different direction. George Martin did that too. But they’ve all apologized to me for all that over the years.

GW: But you were pissed off enough about all this to leave the band for a short time during the Let It Be sessions. Reportedly, this problem had been brewing for a while. What was it that upset you about what Paul was doing?

HARRISON: At that point in time, Paul couldn’t see beyond himself. He was so on a roll - but it was a roll encompassing his own self. And in his mind, everything that was going on around him was just there to accompany him. He wasn’t sensitive to stepping on other people’s egos or feelings. Having said that, when it came time to do the occasional song of mine - although it was usually difficult to get to that point - Paul would always be really creative with what he’d contribute. For instance, that galloping piano part on “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” was Paul’s, and it’s brilliant right to this day. On the Live in Japan album, I got our keyboardist to play it note for note. And you just have to listen to the bass line on “Something” to know that, when he wanted to, Paul could give a lot. But, you know, there was a time there when…

GW: I think it’s called being human - and young.

HARRISON: It is…[sighs] It really is.

GW: How difficult was it to squeeze your songs in between the two most famous writers in rock?

HARRISON: To get it straight, if I hadn’t been with John and Paul I probably wouldn’t have thought about writing a song, at least not until much later. They were writing all these songs, many of which I thought were great. Some were just average, but, obviously, a high percentage were quality material. I thought to myself, If they can do it, I’m going to have a go. But it’s true: it wasn’t easy in those days getting up enthusiasm for my songs. We’d be in a recording situation, churning through all this Lennon/McCartney, Lennon/McCartney, Lennon,/McCartney! Then I’d say [meekly] can we do one of these?

GW: Was that true even with an obviously great song like “My..uh.”

HARRISON: "Piggies”? You mean “While My Piggies Gently Weep”? [laughs] When we actually started recording “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” it was just me playing the acoustic guitar and singing it [This solo version appears on the Anthology 3 CD-GW Ed.] and nobody was interested. Well, Ringo probably was, but John and Paul weren’t. When I went home that night, I was really disappointed, because I thought, Well, this is really quite a good song, it’s not as if it’s shitty! The next day, I happened to drive back into London with Eric Clapton, and while we were in the car I suddenly said, “Why don’t you come and play on this track?” And he said, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. The others wouldn’t like it.”

GW: Was that a verboten thing with the Beatles?

HARRISON: Well, it wasn’t so much verboten; it’s just that nobody had ever done it before. We’d had oboe and string players and other session people in for overdubbing, but there hadn’t really been other prominent musicians on our records. So Eric was reluctant, and I finally said, "Well, sod them! It’s my song and I’d like you to come down to the studio.”

GW: So did that cause more tension with the others? How did they treat him?

HARRISON: The same thing occurred that happened during “Get Back,” while we were filming the movie [Let It Be, (Apple Films) 1970]. Billy Preston came into our office and I pulled him into the studio and got him on electric piano. And suddenly, everybody started behaving and not fooling around so much. Same thing happened with Eric, and the song came together nicely.

GW: Yet, rumor has it you weren’t satisfied with your performance on the record. Why?

HARRISON: Actually, what I was really disappointed with was take number one [i.e., the solo version]. I later realized what a shitty job I did singing it. Toilet singing! And that early version has been bootlegged, because Abbey Road Studios used to play it when people took the studio tour. [laughs] But over the years I learned to get more confidence. It wasn’t so much learning the technique of singing as it was just learning not to worry. And my voice has improved. I was happy with the final version with Eric.

GW: Did you give Eric any sense of what you wanted on the solo? He almost sounds as if he’s imitating your style a lot.

HARRISON: You think so? I didn’t feel like he was copying me. To me, the only reason it sounds Beatle-ish is because of the effects we used. We put the “wobbler” on it, as we called ADT. [Invented by a Beatles recording engineer. ADT, or artificial double tracking, was a tape recording technique that made vocals and intruments sound as if they had been double tracked (i.e., recorded twice) to create a fuller sound. The technique also served as the basis for flanging.-GW Ed.] As for my direction I may have given him, it was just, “Play, me boy!” In the rehearsals for the Japanese tour, he did make a conscious effort to recap the solo that was on the original Beatles album. And although the original version in embedded in Beatles’ fans memories, I think the version we captured on the live album is more outstanding.

GW: Want to play rock critic for us and critique his playing?

HARRISON: Ah, well, he started out playing the first couple of fills like the original, and the first solo is kind of similar. But by the end of the solo he just goes off! Which is why I think guitar players like to do that song. It’s got nice chords, but it’s also structured in a way that gives a guitar the greatest excuse just to wail away. Even Eric played it differently every night of the tour. Some nights he played licks that almost sounded like flamenco. But he always played exceptionally well on that song.

GW: You talked about the pluses and minuses of working with Paul. What about John? He was a much looser, more intuitive musician and composer. Did you help him flesh things out?

HARRISON: Basically, most of John’s songs, like Paul’s, were written in the studio. Ringo and me were there all the time. So as the songs were being written, they were being given ideas and structures, particularly by John. As you say, John had a flair for “feel.” But he was very bad at knowing exactly what he wanted to get across. He could play a song and say, “It goes like this.” Then he’d play it again and ask, “How does that go?” Then he’d play it again - totally differently! Also his rhythm was very fluid. He’d miss a beat, or maybe jump a beat…

GW: Like a lot of old blues players.

HARRISON: Exactly like that. And he’d often do something really interesting in an early version of a song. After a while, I used to make an effort to learn exactly what he was doing the very first time he showed a song to me, so if the next time he’d say, “How did that go?” we’d still have the option of trying what he’d originally played.

GW: The melody on side two of Abbey Road is a seamless masterpiece. It would probably take a modern band ages to put together, even with digital technology. How did you manage all that with just four - and eight - track recorders?

HARRISON: We worked it all out carefully in advance. All those mini songs were partly completed tunes; some were written while we were in India a year before. So there was just a bit of chorus here and a verse there. We welded them all together into a routine. Then we actually learned to play that whole thing live. Obviously there were overdubs. Later, when we added the voices, we basically did the same thing. From the best of my memory, we learned all the backing tracks, and as each piece came up on tape, like “Golden Slumbers,” we’d jump in with the vocal parts. Because when you’re working with only four or eight tracks, you have to get as much as possible on each track.

GW: With digital recording today you can also do an infinite number of guitar solos. Back then, did taking another pass at a solo require redoing almost the entire song?

HARRISON: Almost. I remember doing the solo to “Something” and it was dark in the studio and everyone was stoned. But Ringo, I think, was doing a drum overdub on the same track, and I seem to remember the others were all busy playing. And every time I said, “Alright, let’s try another take” - because I was working it out and trying to make it better - they all had to come back and redo whatever they’d just played on the last overdub. It all had to be squeezed onto that one track, because we’d used up the other seven. That’s why, after laying down the basic track, we’d work out the whole routine in advance and get the sound and balance. You’d try and add as much as possible to each track before you ran out of room. On one track we might go, “Okay, here the tambourine comes in, then Paul, you come in at the bridge with the piano and then I’ll add the guitar riff.” And that’s the way we used to work.

GW: “Something” was your most successful song. I think every guitar player wonders, did you get that riff first?

HARRISON: No, I wrote the song on the piano. I don’t really play the piano, which is why certain chords sound brilliant to me - then I translate them onto the guitar, and it’s only C. [laughs] I was playing three-finger chords with my right hand and bass notes with my left hand. And on the piano, it’s easy to hold down one chord and mostly the bass note down. If you did that on the guitar, the note change wouldn’t come in the bass section; it would come somewhere more in the middle of the chord.

GW: But you did play that Beatles-sounding bridge riff in “Badge” on Cream’s Goodbye album, didn’t you?

HARRISON: No, Eric played that! He doesn’t even play on the song before that. We recorded that track in L.A.: it was Eric, plus Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce, and I think the producer, Felix Pappalardi, played the piano part. I was just playing chops on the guitar chords and we went right through the second verse and into the bridge, which is where Eric comes in. Again, it sounds Beatle-ish because we ran it through a Leslie speaker.

GW: Any contemporary bands that strike you as having a bit of the same spark that your early heroes had?

HARRISON: I can’t say I’ve really heard anything that gives me a buzz like some of that stuff we did in the Fifties and Sixties. The last band I really enjoyed was Dire Straits on the Brothers in Arms album. To me, that was good music played well, without any of the bullshit. Now I’m starting to get influenced by my teenage son, who’s into everything and has the attitude. He loves some of the old stuff, like Hendrix, and he’s got a leather jacket with Cream’s Disraeli Gearsalbum painted on the back. As for recent groups, he played me the Black Crowes, and they really sounded okay.

GW: You made music that awoke and changed the world. Could you sense that special dimension of it all while it was happening, or were you lost in the middle of it?

HARRISON: A combination of both, I think. Lost in the middle of it - not knowing a thing - and at the same time somehow knowing everything. Around the time of Rubber Soul and Revolver it was like I had a sudden flash, and it all seemed to be happening for some real purpose. The main thing for me was having the realization that there was definitely some reason for being here. And now the rest of my life as a person and a musician is about finding out what that reason is, and how to build upon it.

GW: Finally, any recent acid flashbacks you care to share?

HARRISON: [laughs] No, no, that doesn’t happen to me anymore. I’ve got my own cosmic lighting conductor now. Nature supports me.

[luck-over-logic]

FULL NAME.       James Tiberius Kirk NICKNAME(RANK).      Jim (Captain)  GENDER.            Male HEIGHT.              5′9″ AGE.                  Verse dependent. Mid-thirties during the Five Year Mission.  LANGUAGES.     Standard, little bits of Vulcan, Klingon, Spanish. 

HAIR COLOR.   Light brown EYE COLOR.        Hazel SKIN TONE.          Tan BODY TYPE.       Muscular, stocky ACCENT.       American Midwest VOICE.       ...stilted DOMINANT HAND.    Right. POSTURE.   Confident, friendly SCARS.         Too many to count. Big scratch on his forearm from a nasty cat years ago. A dip behind his ear from taking a tumble on an away-mission. His knees are almost perpetually bruised for one reason or another.  TATTOOS.   Jim’s gotten a few over his lifetime. A silly, mistranslated Klingon tattoo from his first mission as a young Starfleet recruit (since-removed). The name Carol in a loopy font on his chest (also removed). He has a 1701 put on his ankle at the conclusion of the Five-Year Mission, along with a small memorial to Spock on his back after the events of Wrath of Khan BIRTHMARKS.  Couple of freckles from lots of time in the sun.  MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).    Smile

PLACE OF BIRTH.      Riverside, Iowa, USA

OCCUPATION.     Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise CURRENT RESIDENCE.       Verse dependent- primarily on-board the U.S.S. Enterprise CLOSE FRIENDS.        Spock, McCoy, Scotty, Gary Mitchell Benjamin Finney, and many more RELATIONSHIP STATUS.       Verse-Dependent  FINANCIAL STATUS.        Grew up in a rural area with not a lot of opportunities, but later became fairly privileged, due to his rank in Starfleet DRIVER’S LICENSE.        Sure-  but that doens’t mean he can drive well.  CRIMINAL RECORD.        ...on 12 planets. 

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG.    "Heart of Gold” by Johnny Cash HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.      Collecting old paper books, playing chess, outdoors activities (fishing, camping, hiking, climbing), sparring MENTAL ILLNESSES.     Generalized Anxiety PHYSICAL ILLNESSES.  Back pain, stiff joints as he ages, farsighted as he ages LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.   Probably fairly in the middle FEARS. Watching someone die and not being able to do anything to help, losing a friend, losing his crew, losing his ship SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. 100/100 on the outside, 30/100 on the inside NEGATIVE TRAITS.  Abrasive, jumps the gun, a bit of a temper POSITIVE TRAITS. Kind, gentle, judicious, a good leader

TAGGED BY.      @shipwhisperer (thank you!! <3) TAGGING.       @cheryl1967 @engineertilly @bastardswxrd @oldcountrydoctor

[kevoreally]

#BuffyAt20 - S03E04 “Beauty and the Beasts”

This is specifically is an episode I do not like, which I think is understandable. But it was trying to do something brave, and I respect that. Season 3, Episode 4, “Beauty and the Beasts.”

> Gonna be upfront: I don’t love this episode for a couple of different reasons. But at least it's not “Inca Mummy Girl.”

> Also worth noting: Hulu lists this episode as "The Beauty and the Beasts." Which. NO. Also: Beauty And The Beast was one of my favorite Disney Renaissance films. Okay. Now go.

> All of the “Call of the Wild” stuff felt very pertinent to my life at the time, because we were covering it in English then.

> Xander’s pants are way too red to be believed.

> “Aren’t we reading the Cliff’s Notes for this in English?” Psh, Xander, if you were a real slacker, you wouldn’t be reading anything at all. 😎

> That leather-bound edition of “Call” is intense. Clearly not school-issued.

> Xander’s arms look great in this scene. 😍

> “Half? Which half?” Does Xander think they went pantsless first?

> Xander immediately lying down after Willow leaves is supremely unfunny. Can’t you create conflict without making these demon-fighters behave irresponsibly?

> “Smooch spot.” Edgy lingo. Love it.

> Eliza’s still working through that Southie accent.

> Oh wow, I really love Buffy and Faith being WAY more friendly this episode.

> “All men are beasts, Buffy.” Classic.

> “I was hoping not to get that cynical until I was at least 40.” That’s only a year-plus away! WHAT! 😯

> Faith isn’t wrong, though. I mean, they’re not all JUST in it for the chase. But yeah. Men are messed up, yo.

> Gosh, it was such a pleasure to watch this show evolve live. This was such a different era of television production. Not to knock the one we’re in now, it’s great in a different way. But pre-streaming feels like a wild trip now.

> Ooh, there’s a really great shot of the awning opposite the courtyard fountain that we don’t normally see. It’s clearest in “Graduation Day” when the cavalry arrives. I do love this set.

> Unf, I had the biggest crush on John Patrick White as a kid. AJ’s Time Travelers. Tassel Guy from Can’t Hardly Wait. (He’s a lawyer now!)

> “He’s just bein’ Oz.” “Pretty much full-time.” Hero. 🤩

> “Are we up to flowers?” Hasn’t it been, like, one week? Barely longer, if at all? What is with these kids?

> “Jeff? He was - I knew him.” Seriously, Oz is so underrated, I can’t stop gushing about him. Couldn’t Willow still have been a lesbian even if we kept Oz?

> Xander is like a TGIF Sitcom Character on this horror dramedy sometimes. Like, he has no place here.

> “I rested my eyes now and then.” You LITERALLY CLIMBED ON THE TABLE and used Willow’s book AS A PILLOW, you LITTLE LIAR.

> “When I…” “WOKE UP??” I used to think Giles was a little too harsh here. Not 20 years later.

> I don’t see how they could’ve ever thought it was Oz, though. He went out, had a snack, and came back to his cage? Unlikely.

> It’s Mr. Moseby!! I’ve always loved this actor. Especially as Chandler’s boss on Friends. (And now he won’t stop saying the word “friends,” haha.)

> This guy would’ve been a great recurring character for Buffy to interact with. Way better than a murder victim.

> “Everybody has demons, right?” “Gotta say, I’m with you on that.” Oh, okay. 🤭

> Like, I get the metaphor they were always going for with Angel, him “changing” and all that, but he literally did lose his actual soul.

> “Oz ate someone last night.” Welcome to Cordelia Shouldn’t Speak Theater. Never been more grateful for Lydia Martin.

> This shot of the Scooby Gang sitting on the Library steps was used in a lot of promo stuff.

> “What, you’re having a Slayer watch me? Oh, good, we’re not overreacting.” Dude, I know you’re upset, but they literally just said she’s the only person available.

> “Get away from me.” Oz, you’re being such a dramatic little pupper.

> I love the implication that Angel has been running naked and feral around the woods for as long as Buffy has been dating Scott.

> OH, HE FOUND PANTS, DID HE? 🤣🤣🤣

> Is Willow examining a maued corpse when she’s probably not yet 18 funny or horrifying? Maybe both. They are all portrayed as horrified. So there’s that.

> “Let me just get a few stray hairs from the body, they could be from the attacker.” And - what will you do with them, Willow?

> Haaa, I love Buffy tossing Drusilla’s dolls aside.

> The giant ash outline of Angel on the floor is deeply silly.

> I mean, it’s kind of irresponsible that Faith was listening to music so loud that Buffy snuck up on her. But. I also get wanting to drown out the wolf? And she did react very quickly, so, she was fine.

> Buffy romanticized the idea of staying up all night for me.

> Buffy ALSO FELL ASLEEP on watch, but no one is screaming at her, just saying. Sidenote: why isn’t Giles pulling more shifts as the adult? (Reasonably also the only one with a job.)

> Pretending she dreamt Angel came back was a pretty clever way to talk about it, what with her prophetic dreams and all.

> “There’s no record of anyone returning from a demon dimension” - that feels like a lie, we just saw Buffy do it for one thing.

> "In my experience, there are two types of monster. The first can be redeemed or, more importantly, wants to be redeemed." "And the second type?" "The second is void of humanity. Cannot respond to reason... or love."

> Willow, if you were actively awake, why wouldn’t you come help keep watch? These kids, I swear…

> There’s a recurring musical motif in this episode that will later be used in “Amends,” FYI, and I am loving it.

> Omigod, I know this is bad to say because of the episode’s plot, but Scott’s friends are kind of terrible. Debbie is rude and Pete makes an ugly gay joke. Forget these kids.

> “Actually, I think he makes his own drums.” Heh.

> Scott is a weirdly sweet and attentive boyfriend. Buffy actually does sort of push him away. (I know, who am I to talk? 🤣🤭)

> “Check out Scotty, liking the manic-depressive chick.” Were we EVER supposed to root for Pete??

> WHOA, Angel lashing out at Buffy actually did jump-scare me, lol.

> “So you’ll be late but happy.” I really doubt whatever you’re delaying this girl for would be satisfying, Pete, even if it wasn’t hardcore abuse.

> So, Pete kept his Jekyll-and-Hyde serum in a janitor’s closet? What?

> This scene where Buffy goes to Platt is really beautifully acted but, like. What did Buffy think this man could do for her? And then he’s dead. Sigh.

> “You know how you get.” These kids sort of talk like they’re in the 50s.

> Ugh, this scene is so uncomfortable, because you could lift out the supernatural stuff and it could still play 100% the same on a regular drama. Like, too real.

> We weren’t ever supposed to feel like Pete was a good guy and that this was something being done to him, right? Like, he’s 0% victim.  

> Fun fact that I just learned: thanks to Daylight Savings, the only time of year when sunset can really be at 5:30pm is end of January / beginning of February.

> “They used to mess around.” “They were screwing?” “...I don’t think so.” Faith was too real for these kids.

> As the Scoobs dole out assignments, I find myself wondering, where are Xander and Cordelia? And I go on to wonder, if it’s maybe best that they aren’t around. Sigh.

> Buffy is way too aggressive on an abuse victim. It’s pretty fair for Willow to say they “broke her.” Kind of insensitive language tho, lol.

> This episode had a special message attached to it, right? It must have.

> I love how completely unconcerned Oz is for his safety when it comes to Pete. He knows his wolf can easily take this dude, even when he transforms.

> “Did you kiss that whore? Did she like it?” Goodness gracious.

> “Time’s up, rules change” is a little dramatic but whatever. Seth Green sells it.

> “Oh, right, bloody priceless.” Classic Giles.

> Buffy just wailing on this aggro abusive boyfriend is hella cathartic atm.

> I think Willow and Faith have better potential as friends than Willow and Cordelia, seriously.

> Okay, I try to support Buffy’s fashion decisions, but sometimes - like when she’s jumping from a roof - the heels are a little bit not great.

> I do not love that Angel is the one to get Pete. Like, on a couple of levels? I get that it couldn’t have been Buffy. But Pete had to die if Debbie did. Ugh. Just an awkward episode.

> This vampire-to-human transition shot of Angel got used in a lot of stuff.

> Hmm. I’m going to be doing some deep examining of how I feel about the Buffy/Angel relationship this year, I think.

> Someone thought it only took two eight iced cafe mochas to make Pete a murderer? That’s some strange understanding of caffeine.

> This is a lot of expo-logue (exposition dialogue) to cap off the episode.

> “Great, now I’m going to be stuck with serious thoughts all day.” Cordelia is literally Amber from Clueless. That’s such a weird archetype to include in this show, and make such a major character. And then pivot into what she becomes on Angel! Oy.

> Dude, poor Scott Hope. I’m pretty hard on him most of the time, but his friends’ deaths would’ve hella messed him up, no wonder he dumped his super-secretive girlfriend. (But he spread rumors about her so Faith doing that about him is fair game.)

> There’s a lot less “Call of the Wild” in this episode than I remember there being 20 years ago, lol.

> Okay, parts of that weren’t as bad as I usually remember. It’s definitely very real, which makes a lot of sense from the co-creator of #Unreal. Marti Noxon does not shy away from hard topics. Respect.

One more left!

[grapsandclaps]

GRAPS & CLAPS - THE GRIMSBY EDITION PART 2! (IT'S GRIM IN GRIMSBY).

Hello again. I am Chris Wilson, the official #GrimsbyGraps correspondent for Graps and Claps. Grimsby is quite a random place for dedicated coverage but until I can coax our Andy to visit the town with the third best football team in Lincolnshire (out of 3), someone needs to tell you how #GrimsbyGraps is taking over the world. Yes, really. Well, maybe.

It all started when some brilliant, creative genius invented the #GrimsbyGraps hashtag and-- Okay, fine, let's skip forward.

Since the last time we were here for BWR's Ignition, British Wrestling Revolution put tickets on sale for their next show, 'No Gods, No Masters'. It sold out in ten hours! This was for a bigger venue too: the first card at the prestigious - if a place for record, job and craft fairs counts as that - Cleethorpes Memorial Hall in 24 years. Unbelievable stuff. BWR then put tickets on sale for their April event also at the Memorial Hall, 'Dive and Kicking', possibly in hope of starting PROGRESS-style immediate sell-outs from now until the end of time. They have sold half their allocation so far. Pretty impressive for #GrimsbyGraps, but the difference between the two shows is one man alone. As discussed before on this blog, having the WWE UK champion Pete Dunne on the card guarantees an extra 80 to 100 ticket sales. He is a rare draw in the age of strongly-branded promotions themselves being the main attraction. 

BWR stacked the card for 'No Gods, No Masters'. Suddenly, a snowstorm in March. BWR came out relatively unscathed considering OTT and Discovery Wrestling have cancelled their plans for this weekend. However, BWR announced the morning of the show that Kay Lee Ray, Big T, Big Grizzly, and Tel Banham couldn't make it. And later in the afternoon, the weather had held down and choked Bram in Birmingham, meaning five matches would not go ahead as scheduled. The good news, though: the two big contests remained in tact.

So, let's get on with the report.

Firstly, you can tell I'm not Andy Ogden as my pre-show drinking involved a bottle of water to keep myself hydrated, followed by a severely-diluted protein shake due to my next shipment of powder being stuck in a van somewhere on the motorway (wouldn't have happened if Amazon used Simon Morris Transport). Yes, instead of pub crawling, I was in the gym until 30 minutes before bell-time. And that's why I'm only allowed to report on #GrimsbyGraps. 

'No Gods, No Masters' began with the ring announcer's opening spiel. Apparently "we're not jobbing to a snow storm" (actual words), and he used a variation of "the weather's cold outside but the action inside is RRREEEDDD HOT". Pop.

Out came Reese Ryan, doing his Nathan Cruz circa 2012 'Hollywood-with-a-thick-northern-accent' shtick. His advertised Blockbuster Announcement was in two parts: not only has he released Big T from his security detail and replaced him with evil choir boy Will Kroos, but he introduced the Real Wrestling VIP Championship. In wrestling, it seems you can bring your own title and it's legitimate. Jonny Storm appeared unannounced and challenged Ryan for the belt. What followed was a ten-minute bout in which Storm outclassed Ryan in between the referee somehow failing to notice the large evil choir boy attacking Storm. Kroos entered the ring and planted Storm with a DDT to ensure Ryan retained his "title".

Next, the Korn-dubstep antics of Guilty By Habit transcended Southside Wrestling as Robbie X and SUUUUUUUUPERTWAT Kip Sabian (replacing Big Grizzly) defeated The Proven's Caz Crash and Sam Wilder. This was a top-notch contest. I love how X and Sabian don't get along, as though they're only in GBH together because their mates are mates. An added bonus too: the match ended with a CHEEKY ROLL-UP and a CHEEKY HOLDING ONTO THE TIGHTS. #MyGraps.

Lana Austin was up next, accompanied by Eliza Roux and Jami Sparx. With Kay Lee Ray "too scared" to show up, Roux offered an open challenge on "her best friend Lana's" behalf. Little Miss Roxxy made her BWR debut by accepting. Although the crowd took a while to get into it, Austin and Roxxy put in quite a shift until everyone was emotionally invested. Roxxy finally gained momentum once Roux and Sparx were kicked out for their extra-curricular activities and hit a springboard knee-faceplant for the win. Roux and Sparx reappeared and left Roxxy laying on the canvas.

Before intermission, we saw the much-hyped hardcore match between Jimmy Havoc and local hero/silly boy Tyler Devlin. There were no pretences here: both men introduced every weapon they were planning to use from under the ring before the bell rung. Devlin's antics were mercifully less of his own doing this time, but he still managed to get thrown onto a ladder, bounce off a guardrail he had balanced from the ring, eat pins, get curb stomped onto pins, and falling after Havoc's rainmaker onto, yup, pins. Silly boy. Rewind a bit: the ultimate silly boy-ness came moments before when he executed a Jeff Hardy-style senton bomb from a ladder through a table outside the ring... and missed. It was the sickest spot I've seen in person since Death House. Silly boy. Havoc won with that aforementioned rainmaker. After the match, he got on the mic, said he was impressed with Devlin, "but you're just a Jimmy Havoc knock-off". Cue a kick to the nads. Bit harsh from Havoc. I'd say he's more a Clint Margera knock-off. 

Intermission. £1.10 for a can of Fanta Lemon went down very well considering I didn't know Fanta Lemon was still a thing. Meanwhile, the raffle was £1 PER NUMBER. Related note: Cleethorpes voted Tory.

After a forty minute break for some reason, we returned with Tyson T-Bone coming out. Originally he was meant to face Bram. His new opponent was... Gabriel Kidd. Every time I go to a show where someone pulls out, Kidd is the replacement. 3CW in November, PROGRESS Sheffield in December, now this. Never mind "Life Boat Man", he should be called "Answers The Phone Man".

Tyson T-Bone versus Gabriel Kidd sounded terrible on paper. Already in my head, I was going to dismiss the match. So, obviously, they fucked with me by having a blistering, hard-hitting brawl that went around the ring - including a sweet knee drop by Kidd onto T-Bone as he hung over the guardrail - and delivered more chops than a vegan's nightmare. It helped how the crowd were RRREEEDDD-HOT for this (take note, Sheffield Southside). T-Bone hit Kidd with a piledriver for the victory and both men were applauded. If it wasn't for the main event, this would've been my match of the night. Strange times indeed.

Next: Scotty Rawk, Cole Quinzel, Matt Myers, and Kelvin Kayton defeated Jimmy Mcilwee, Harry the Hammer Winston, evil choir boy Will Kroos, and (despite being fired in November) Simon Lancaster in a "Get the Lads on the Card" match. The crowd love Mcilwee's homeless, can't-get-a-BWR-contract-even-though-he's-on-every-card gimmick but there was nothing else noteworthy here.

El Ligero versus Tom Weaver versus Robbie X doing double-duty in place of Tel Banham. In a confusing series of events: the ring announcer said the following was a triple-threat match, Robbie X attacked Tom Weaver during his entrance, and he interjected himself into the match to make it... a triple threat match? The announcer tried back-tracking by saying he "suddenly understood" the original third participant couldn't be there, but it was a bit contrived (sorry, readers). This was another excellent contest. Weaver hit a shooting star press on X for the victory before Ligero approvingly shook his hand. I hope they find something substantial for Weaver - as a local lad, he deserves more high-profile fights at these bigger shows than winning throwaway - albeit great - triple threat matches.

In the main event, WWE UK champion Pete Dunne faced the World #GrimsbyGraps Champion Joseph Conners for the latter's title. With this being the third high-profile match between the two in seven weeks (PROGRESS, TNT, here), a friend joked they are this generation's Jonny Storm versus Jody Fleisch. And you can't help but admit they work really well together, telling a well-told story of the cocky AF Dunne stretching Conners as the World #GrimsbyGraps Champion got the crowd (who were evenly split) behind him to make his comeback. I admire how Dunne never half-arses a match, pulling out the same flips and top-rope stomps and high-octane brawling as seen in Fight Club Pro. Together they brought out a big match feel likely never seen in Grimsby/Cleethorpes. It's a massive credit to both men. But...

...let's quickly talk about Dunne's WWE UK title. I can't believe this has never been angrily discussed on Twitter. Can you name me one time other than PROGRESS Ally Pally where the current UK champion has taken a pinfall or submission loss at a non-WWE show? It's as though there's a contractual obligation or something. To be fair, I believed for a couple of near falls that Dunne would become the World #GrimsbyGraps Champion, even if I never believed Conners would cleanly retain the title. Here came the bullshit finish: Tyson T-Bone ran in and attacked both men. No contest. Conners and Dunne chased off T-Bone. Then Conners challenged Dunne to continue the match, only for Dunne to kick him in the nads and leave. Conners got on the mic again and teased a rematch between the two down the line to end the show. Finish aside, this was easily the best match in the era of #GrimsbyGraps to date. 

'No Gods, No Masters' as a whole, putting aside my local pride, was a top-shelf show. They overcame the weather and delivered one of the stronger cards I've been to for some time. The crowd was well up for the action, while the wrestlers brought their A-game. Cleethorpes Memorial Hall is a cracking venue for the graps too. Definitely worth the visit if you're coming from out of town. Just, you know, avoid going out in Cleethorpes afterwards if you enjoy your health and wellbeing. 

Here's hoping the momentum continues into 'Dive and Kicking' on April 20th. This event will feature a tournament to crown the first-ever BWR Cruiserweight champion - an odd choice for a division given all but three guys are cruiserweights, but there we go. Of course, your #GrimsbyGraps correspondent will be there in person, so I'll see you back on Graps and Claps on the 21st. 

Until next time!