#schizoid narcissism traits

[mooncruiser]

Everything's bloody, mom doesn't care, dissociative and uhh I'm eepy

[weemietime]

There isn't a whole lot of content on Tumblr about schizoid personality disorder so I thought I would make a little informational post. SZPD is a cluster A personality disorder, of the odd/eccentric cluster alongside schizotypal and paranoid. It is on the schizophrenia spectrum, and comprises the negative rather than positive symptoms of schizophrenia.

This primarily means we have avolition, catatonia, flat/blunted affect (demeanor), limited interoception (emotional sensations), lack of bonds to others including primary family members, and indifference to the opinions of others.

Whilst this isn't a diagnostic criteria, many of us are also asexual and aromantic, meaning we don't want to have sex with other humans (but usually do masturbate) and have no interest in romantic companionship.

My most disabling symptom is avolition, because I have comorbid ADHD. This means when I don't have my medication (dextromethorphan 120mg) I just sit there and zone out and can't even hold a conversation or move my body, nor even do things like feed myself. It is genuinely crippling and I am unemployed because of this, even though my meds help, they don't cure me and I need a lot of time alone.

Schizoid is something of an "anti-human" disorder, because we fail to form basic social bonds with others including primary caregivers. As a child I got diagnosed with inhibited RAD because I could not tolerate human contact. This differs from autism because autistic people generally want to socialize, they just lack the skills. I don't want to socialize and it takes tremendous effort for me to do so.

To even make this post I had to wait for my meds to click in as I was just sitting there mindlessly beforehand. While we have low internal sensations of emotions like caring, love, happiness, trust, sadness, etc. we aren't typically antisocial/dissocial and don't have a pattern of exploiting others or dishonesty. This requires too much effort.

There is a schizoid version of narcissism but it is separate to narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is characterized by a very fragile ego. You can't contradict or disagree with NPD because they are unable to regulate the emotions caused by conflict. Conversely, SZPD does not care about the opinions of others at all and places little value on them.

Our sense of superiority is legitimate, meaning we just do genuinely believe we are smarter than other people. So your mileage may vary on how insufferable you find that. I recognize this trait in myself and work to actively challenge it since it is illogical for me to think I am more special than anyone else. But, my ego is very stable, so criticism doesn't bother me the way it would in NPD.

Interoception means the sensations you feel inside your body. We lack this, so even stuff like hunger and tiredness don't impact us until we are very hungry or extremely exhausted. I don't have the feeling you would to look at a family member and get a sense of love or trust. I have a logical sense of obligation that I developed through choosing what I value based on reason. I describe this as care, and I place importance on my friendships, but there is no emotional component to this, it is all cognitive.

Tangentially: I'm somewhat of an optimistic nihilist, believing that there is no grand purpose to existence. Yes, even as a religious person. I don't think G-d ultimately has a purpose either, as an agent of the universe. (I don't believe G-d created the universe.) We have a human nervous system, so we base our rubric for morality on suffering and decide what is meaningful both collectively and individually.

I don't believe in true freedom of will (but I do believe we have agency), because we know that Bereitschaftspotential or reaction potentials occur in the brain up to two seconds before we become conscious of a volitional desire. Our consciousness occurs because of quantum synchronicity in the brain, so our free will is in a bit of an in-between state rather than fully determined or fully free.

So, we are not born deciding "I'm going to be an abuser," that happens because of brain abnormalities. It's no different than the forces of creation and destruction at work like a virus infecting a host cell. I don't place much importance on concepts of self-hood, I view myself as the electrical and chemical processes that occur in my brain, which happen without my choosing, that I can influence and impact through my own agency.

Anyway, these are just some basic schizoid meanderings for you all and I hope that this was informative or interesting in some way. Peace.

[schizoidvision]

Unveiling Schizoid Dynamics: 9 Core Traits -The Essence of Being a Primary Schizoid

The inner world of individuals with schizoid dynamics is a realm marked by unique experiences and intricate defense mechanisms. To understand this world, it's crucial to distinguish between primary schizoids, also referred to as schizoid individuals or those with a schizoid personality, and secondary schizoids. Primary schizoids experience the inner subjective experience of being schizoid in alignment with Guntrip's nine core schizoid traits.

In contrast, secondary schizoids exhibit behaviours aligning with the DSM-5 descriptors of Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) but do not strongly resonate with the inner subjective experience of being schizoid. This distinction offers a deeper insight into schizoid phenomenology. In this article, we'll explore the inner world of primary schizoids through the lens of these nine core traits.

9 Core Schizoid Traits:

1. Introversion

Primary schizoids exhibit an inherent focus on their internal thoughts and emotions, often prioritizing them over external stimuli. Their inner world takes precedence, and they often find solace in the realm of abstract concepts and ideas.

2. Withdrawal

This withdrawal goes beyond mere social avoidance. It represents a profound detachment from the physical world, starting in infancy and intensifying with the development of their defense mechanisms. It's a transcendental journey into their inner thoughts and ideas.

3. Loneliness

Primary schizoids experience an existential isolation that goes beyond the absence of social interactions. Their fundamental separation from the external world, amplified by defense mechanisms such as the anti-libidinal ego, results in a unique sense of isolation, distinct from what many others describe as emotional loneliness.

4. Narcissism

Heightened self-focus characterizes primary schizoids. Their true selves attach greater importance to personal inner perceptions, thoughts, and ideas rather than seeking external validation or attention.

5. Sense of Superiority

Their sense of superiority is rooted in their emotional distance and early-developed defense mechanisms. They may perceive themselves as inherently superior, particularly in intellectual understanding. It's not about believing they are better than others but knowing they are apart from others and emotionally distant.

6. Self-Sufficiency

Primary schizoids embrace self-sufficiency as a mechanism for emotional safety and a defense against potential emotional threats. Their profound detachment and quest for safety make them highly adept at operating independently, relying less on external assistance.

7. Regression

Early defense mechanisms shape the way primary schizoids occasionally revert to earlier, more secure stages of psychological development. This serves as a shield against potential emotional harm and is cultivated from a very young age.

8. Loss of Affect

Emotional detachment, a hallmark of the schizoid true self, is especially pronounced when connecting with the external world. Although they may present an engaging and emotional facade externally, their inner emotional range is often restricted, muted, or even non-existent.

9. Depersonalization

The intense withdrawal and emotional disengagement typical of primary schizoids can magnify feelings of depersonalization. They may feel estranged from themselves, as if observing their thoughts and actions from a distance. This sensation reinforces their status as outsiders, even to themselves.

Conclusion

Exploring the inner subjective world of primary schizoids, also known as schizoid individuals or those with a schizoid personality, through the lens of these nine core traits unveils the underlying experiences and defense mechanisms that shape their lives.

The distinction between primary and secondary schizoids sheds light on the early development of these traits, offering a more comprehensive understanding of their phenomenology. By delving into this unique journey, we can cultivate greater empathy and support for individuals with primary schizoid dynamics as they navigate their complex inner world, embracing both their true selves and the defense mechanisms they've developed along the way.

Schizoid Vision YouTube Video: Harry Guntrip's 9 Schizoid Traits

[phlve]

Subtype Trait Structures: sx7

Talkative

The sexual E7 is a particular form of quackery. He tends to talk a lot, even more than the other subtypes of the E7. He is a loquacious and talkative character, who does not stop occupying the space with the word. It really does have a lot of struggles, you could almost say an inability to be quiet, in a chatter that is defined by its superficiality, thematic dispersal, and inability to go deeper.

Verbal incontinence, together with the speed and mental effervescence that it possesses, turn the talk of a sexual E7 into a bombardment of words that ends up devastating in an almost hypnotic chain of light ideas that, one after another, end up being heavy.

The underlying motivation is to release anxiety, and fill the inner void and the interpersonal space with words. It is also a way to control one's own and others' emotions. What is important is not so much what is said but the expression itself (language in phatic function). It's pure oral incontinence. If a sexual E7 is asked about what he just said, he may have a hard time repeating it, because he doesn't even listen to himself.

Grandiose and Exaggerated

He is a character with delusions of grandeur, who looks at life in a big way, who makes excessive plans that he later cannot achieve... But that grandiloquence and exaggeration hides the need for a look that will rescue him from his low self-esteem. He confuses being admired with cultivating his self-love; hence, he measures his personal worth based on how dazzled others are.

His narcissistic self-inflation attempts to compensate for his schizoid inner emptiness and less admissible feelings of unworthiness, insecurity, and guilt, of which he is often unaware. Deep down, he reassures himself and self-indulgences so much, through the recognition of others, that it is not surprising that he is defined as an “enchanted charmer.”

Exhibitionist

By exhibitionism we understand here that particular way of constantly attracting attention practiced by the sexual E7. Both his attire (garishly colored, sometimes with feathers or exotic accessories and, in general, not very discreet) as well as his way of moving and speaking denote an intense activity aimed at becoming the center of attention. It is like a peacock, only with a peculiar way of understanding elegance, which is not exactly what the canons command, but rather that of a mountebank or a buffoon.

Invasive

His verbal incontinence and his exhibitionism make the E7 sexually invasive. With words and gestures, he occupies the mental and even physical space of the other. Is capable of diverting attention or the focus of the conversation by making parallel comments, introducing new distracting incepts, with jokes that change the mood or simply blurting out some superficiality out of context. Interrupts conversations, either directly or with encouragement sideways as a whisper. He is an expert destabilizer of meetings or conversations that do not interest him or in which he is not the center of attention.

He sneaks into parties where he hasn't been invited, shows up unannounced, takes places or privileges he hasn't earned... Of course, once he manages to be attended to, he doesn't easily let go of the place of centrality, food of his narcissism.

Impertinent and Cheekiness

It combines freshness with a shamelessness that reaches rudeness. He is capable of approaching and confronting the source of power so equally, with such daring, that it borders on irreverence. In his approaches, he is usually very direct and self-assured, even limiting the unpleasant effects of his impudence with jokes and various complications, putting vaseline on at every step.

However, under his apparent friendliness and sense of humor, he has scathing and corrosive words. In the irony he hides his competitiveness and even contempt and, aggressively, he exhibits his dialectical skills to ridicule his opponents with devastating weapons. His impudence comes from the incontinence of his desires, which they do impulsively, straight to what they want immediately. It is a staging of their rebellion and indiscipline. Either by A or by B, the focus is directed both at destabilizing the other and at attracting attention. Depending on the fear that he has of the situation, and depending on the strength that he grants to the other, he will use the style of covert rebellion, guerrilla warfare type, or the most open and daring, sniper type. It is common that, in a conference or meeting, he interrupts the speaker, asking some incisive and far-fetched question that nobody understands. It is possible that the subject does not interest him too much, but he will abuse the word as a way to show off to the group.

The impudence of the sexual E7 can be such that he dares to preach what he lacks so much, that is, being ethical and honest. It is not uncommon to hear him giving advice or moralizing, from idealization, about what is correct. To remember here that the E7 suffers a direct influence of the moralism, rigidity, and perfection of the E1. As the preacher Groucho Marx teaches: “The secret of life is honesty and fair play; if you can simulate that, you've done it."

An Oblivious Clown

He can approach social situations with ease, aided by his low sense of the ridiculous as well as the courage to use himself as a caricature. He is especially witty at making fun of himself. He has little shame and makes fun of his own faults or defects as a way of taking iron from them. He is adept at parodying his own life.

It would seem that the sexual E7 does not know how to be anywhere other than the joke. Always sharpening everything, the sweetener, useful in so many moments, ends up cloying. The abuse of humor makes him invasive, impertinent, and inadequate in many moments in which that attitude does not apply.

Self-referenced

He is admiring himself through the fascination he provokes in others as a springboard to feel above others, with aggressive and haughty attitudes. The more admiration you receive, the more you come down and feed the belief that you are “special,” unique, and superior.

Such is the degree of self-referentiality that is the center of attention, and denies the value of others, reduced to mere providers of admiration, a silent public that gives him the egoic pleasure of capturing your interest.

Dreamer With Magic Thinking

It is usual for him to practice various esotericisms, parapsychology, or exotic religions, and to surround himself with an aura of accentuated new age spirituality or practice healthy lifestyles, or anything else designed to attract attention while giving himself airs of transcendental maturity.

Ultimately, he does not stop being a dreamer. Someone who needs to spend a good part of his time in the fantasy worlds he cultivates, disconnected from reality, is oblivious to problems.

Pseudo-empathetic

Although he does not lack empathy to identify with others, and tends to be kind, humane, and even emotional, his difficulty in connecting with a genuine interest in others is enormous. The sexual E7 is a person with great affective disconnection towards those who return to him, an aspect that, although he is not very aware of it, is one of the most painful for him. In the long run, he feels alone and isolated, since he does not establish real contact but through his self-image. And although he is inflamed by his abilities and triumphs, deep down he himself is aware that he has no real achievements and feels internally fraudulent, quite insecure, and fragile.

Selfish

Like all E7, the sexual subtype can also be defined as selfish. The priority is the satisfaction of one's desires, everything else is left behind in the order of priorities. He does not see the other; only his own navel. And, of course, he believes that he doesn't need anyone to be well, that he can only handle the vicissitudes of life... Without being the most tricky of the sweet tooth (title held by the conservation E7), he is also a slave to his own desire and shows no scruples when it comes to going for what he wants. Once he succeeds, there is also no remorse for the forms employed, like the child who, unable to contain his frustration, went for the candy at all costs.

Fraudulent

Self-indulgence serves as a justification for fraud. The sexual E7 can tell himself and others any kind of story, with the most unlikely alibis to justify his dubious behaviors. He lives in a kind of chronic fiction, entertainment, and permanent comedy that ultimately allows him to do what you want and when you want. And, unlike the conservation E7, he tends to believe his own lies, self-suggesting them.

Explosive and Hypersensitive

A mental character but with an emotional tendency denied in the background. In his day to day, hysterical tantrums are not uncommon, moments in which his understanding is clouded, and he behaves like a small child who, not being attended to, explodes.

This feature also has to do with the general susceptibility of the E7. These are people with such a high sense of their personal importance that anything offends them, and in the case of sexuality, this jeopardy reaches the point of hypersensitivity.

Anti-hierarchical Escapist

They tend to establish non-hierarchical, horizontal relationships, either with the subordinate or with the boss. It establishes a colleague, a closeness, a complicity that, apparently, facilitates camaraderie and trust. Their managerial style is condescending, giving permission for everyone to say and do what they want, but delegating much of the responsibility for tasks to the subordinate. Ultimately, he tends to hang himself, both procrastinating on his tasks and abusively relying on his co-workers. Something similar usually happens in their personal relationships.

Head in the Clouds

In addition to escaping from his responsibilities, he is absent-minded, a “freak” who usually lacks grounding and the ability to get organized in the practical things of life. It is not very well known where his head is or his existential priorities; what is clear is that his thoughts are not of this world.

Childish Optimism

He is an optimistic, lively, fun person... at least on the surface. He has already been designated “the clown of the enneagram” for his immense ability to laugh and make a joke out of any situation. In fact, most of the great comedians are sexual E7s.

Optimism and humor are not only at the service of highlighting the humorous side of situations, but also affect the cheerful spirit of the sexual E7, in its liveliness and joy. Optimistic ingenuity is the lubricant that allows the sexual E7 to glide through existence without the friction of living.

The sexual E7 has remained in that early stage in which the child laughs at anything. There is still no broader understanding that anticipates the sufferings of life and, in the face of any face or stimulus from the environment, the child returns a smile. The hope and joy of living is such that it is only possible to smile with dedication and enthusiasm.

Impatient, Impulsive, and Intolerant of Frustration

Although he anticipates a lot and acts from the mind, he is often carried away by his impulses. The sexual E7 has a low tolerance for frustration and wants to be one step ahead of reality itself, like a capricious child who, when he wants something, wants it now.

In permanent movement, jumping from one space to another both physically and mentally, he is usually nervous and quiet, with a lot of physical agitation and difficulty staying in one place for a long time. Internally it is also changeable and variable, easily alternating ideas and arguments. Corporally, they are jumpy people, with zigzag, sharp, run over movements. They find it difficult to sit or stay in the same position for a long time, they have difficulty stopping, being at rest. This constant mobility even makes him frequently change his profession, address, partner... Restless agitation is a mechanism to avoid contact with the inner world, where he could connect with discomfort. It's like surfing the waves of life's discomfort, tiptoeing through situations.

Behind the impatience and speed is not wanting to get lost or give up anything. The sexual E7 believes that if it stays in one place (external or internal), or simply slows down, it will have to give up fantastic possibilities in the world's great market. Stopping would also imply attenuating the initial excitement that the new arouses and sustaining the boredom that the stability of the known entails.

Hypochondriac

Avoiding suffering and repressing pain leads to hypersensitivity to any sign of physical discomfort, which soon turns into constant worry. The sexual E7 has not received attentive and adequate care, and has not found an attentive listening on the part of the adults who had to protect him. Let's say that, also in this sense, he has experienced abandonment.

Furthermore, by taking on a minstrel role to alleviate his mother's sorrows, he had to hide his own. This lack of care and the fear of death itself cause, in the event of any physical symptom, to enter a state of diffuse anxiety that can turn into hypochondria. This indeterminate form of care on one hand reveals his deep fear and on the other, an attempt to take care of himself.

Hypochondriasis increases at the moment when, not having the ability to work through their anxiety, it produces psychosomatic symptoms and a vicious circle is entered.

Source: PDB Wiki

[pageofheartdj]

Honestly I think part of the problem with the whole narcissistic abuse thing is that npd was named after the trait of narcissism rather than being given it's own word.

Like before autism was autism, autistic, etc a word with it's own loaded definition? Was borderline a word with it's own definition? All the other personality disorders (other than schizoid personality disorder I guess) are either loosely based on other words or given new words as their name.

Other than narcissistic personality disorder. Theres the tale of narcisa (however you spell it) and what happens because of her narcissism. Narcissism is a trait given to bad guys in movies and books long before narcissistic personality disorder became known.

So like part of the problem is that narcissism already had a definition and then narcissistic personality disorder came in and "took" it to mean another thing. Narcissistic abuse refers to the first definition of narcissism before it was a diagnosable personality disorder, but that doesnt make it any less harmful to people who are diagnosed.

Since it's so entrenched in the cultural zeitgeist honestly I think the easiest way to get rid of some of the stereotypes and bad view would be just to rename narcissistic personality disorder. That would get rid of most of the issues and help make the people diagnosed without not jump to all the things they've seen or heard where people talk badly about narcissism.

Idk those are my thoughts.

What is weird is that whatever legend I am googling is always sad and unfair? The only person Narcissus hurts is himself.

In one version his twin sister dies so he goes to see his reflection and he grieves and eventually dies. That's super sad. The other more common? one is just when this one dude loved his relfection too much that he never left and eventually? turned into a flower? And the other one is when he was so pretty, everyone loved him but he never loved anyone back(hi aromantics). And for that Aphrodita decided to punish him and made him fall in love with his own reflection. And the guy didn't want to, but couldn't leave and couldn't eat or drink, and so he died. Like, in all these versions he is either hurting himself or was hurt for just minding his own business(unless there is some version where he was shitty to everyone? but greek myths are often just cruel and unfair).

I don't know, think people should know better than that and understand that a disorder has nothing to do with narcissism. But it is convenient to them, they have this enemy they can openly hate and mistreat and be praised for it.

Also I don't think changing the name will help much. 'Psychopath' is still used to negatively describe people who have antisocial personality disorder traits(being named psychopathy in the past, which also is its own word?)

[cheap-jumpscare]

"are u ok" idk i hope not

hi none of yall have seen me at my worst yet

i actively want to get so much worse. infinitely worse. i need to get as mentally awful as possible. please be mean to me please traumatize me i deserve it. but please dont hate me. if anyone hated me id actually kms. maybe.

does anyone take IDRlabs seriously? is it legitamate? bc

i guess im just kind of fucked up in general. im gonna go through each one and what they mean ordered by highest to lowest score.

SCHIZOTYPAL - a personality disorder. to quote a website i think is pretty smart; '(they are) often described as odd or eccentric, and they usually have few, if any, close relationships. They generally don't know how relationships form or how their behavior affects others. They also tend to misinterpret others' motivations and behaviors and greatly distrust others.' TL;DR abnormal and distrusting of others.

HYPOMANIA - 'hypo' means the opposite of 'excessive' or 'a lot'- so this just means 'under mania' or 'less than mania' if literal, iirc. Quoting wikipedia; 'Characteristic behaviors of people experiencing hypomania are a notable decrease in the need for sleep, an overall increase in energy, unusual behaviors and actions, and a markedly distinctive increase in talkativeness and confidence, commonly exhibited with a flight of creative ideas.' TL;DR weird, energetic, and not sleeping a lot

PARANOIA - we should all know this one. being irrationally afraid of something(s) to an obsessive degree. that's my own definition, anyways.

DEPENDENT - I'd assume this refers to 'how dependent you are on others' whether that be emotionally or in general.

SADISM - finding pleasure from hurting others. often misconstrued as immediately sexual, but not exactly! sadism can also manifest as just feeling better about yourself when harming those around you. this one's score feels a bit inaccurate in my own opinion.

ANTISOCIAL - not being social. simple!

NARCISSISTIC - daily reminder that people with npd are not immediately evil just because they have npd; ive known many narcissists who were actually very cool people! give your local narcissist some support. anyways, narcissism outside of the personality disorder is defined as 'a self–centered personality style characterized as having an excessive preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs, often at the expense of others.' the double-edged sword is that, usually, people who happen to act narcissistic or have npd can also be immensely insecure. again, give your local narcissist some support :(

NEGATIVISTIC - wikipedia says it is 'characterized by procrastination, covert obstructionism, inefficiency and stubbornness.' to be entirely transparent, this one is no longer on the DSM-V. also reffered to as passive-aggresive personality disorder.

DEPRESSIVE - assumedly reffering to either the mental health condition or general depressive symptoms. I'm unsure myself.

BORDERLINE - wikipedia kind of called me out so im not quoting it this time but TL;DR probably refers to symptoms of BPD/EUPD. only some of these symptoms resonate for me (i dont particularly experience the flipping between hating and adoring those close to me, or much dissociation to my knowledge). other than that, I would've expected it to be higher.

SCHIZOID - wikipedia says this is characterized by 'a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency toward a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy.' I myself am quite open about being low-/no-empathy so that makes sense why it's around this level.

HISTRIONIC - attention seeking.... which i experience a lot. the other listed traits, ('said to be lively, dramatic, vivacious, enthusiastic, extraverted and flirtatious.') don't quite line up, though.. unless we count how I sort of pretend to be more high energy than i ever really am? shrugs

MASOCHISTIC - the inverse of sadism; finding pleasure from being hurt. once again, often interpreted as sexual though this isn't always the case. like with me, some people just hate themselves.

COMPULSIVE - "The main idea of compulsive behavior is that the likely excessive activity is not connected to the purpose to which it appears directed." I have some form of trichotillomania (hair-pulling) so im actually surprised this is at ZERO. though, my trichotillomania mainly manifested for sensory reasons....... stimming by twirling hairs around my fingers.

.. i didnt need to list all of that, but i was worried some of you wouldnt know what words meant. anyways, I took some other quizzes.

This was the likability test. It's not the most accurate in my opinion, but eh. It still sort of works.

.. Wow okay. This is a narcissism test- they only gave 2 options for each question and every single one was two extremes. I wish they'd give a third in-between answer.

the Dark Core Faces test. you pick a face you think is more likely to be one 'negative' thing or another. apparently im pretty good- though im not surprised. I've always sort of been better than others at predicting or guessing things about people and characters.

Anyways I am considering being one of my OCs. sighs.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

There was 1 more q that I remembered:

Q38. I have enough work that I can't even do my other works: True

*Not diagnosed, but this is what I told my psychiatrist:

• I've had psychosis (auditory hallucination) for more than 2.5 years.

• Unstable self-image. (This question wasn't in the IPDE, but they'll take my MCMI test in the next session, so probably it'll come in that, and I am expecting other questions as well).

• I've had nightmares, flashbacks and avoid things that can remind me of traumatic events. I've relived those experiences multiple times.

• Lack of empathy. I have empathy for kids and babies, if I could relate to it. My reasoning is that I was abused as a kid; therefore, I can understand the pain emotionally.

All the above things have been happening to me for more than 5 years, except for the for the detachment of emotions.

When I told my psychiatrist about me re-living those traumatic moments, my psychiatrist said, "chronic."

Would you agree with my perception? If you're open to it, I'd love to hear what results you get and if I was right!

I don't know much more about Schizoid PD than I do about BPD & ASPD. I agree that there are other traits present like you said. And I'll share my results and diagnosis. I'm kind of excited. But I'd like to add something about narcissism.

Narcissism:

I may not like the attention all the time, but sure, I like it when people praise me, and then I get the attention. For me, both are okay. But I get pissed when people don't praise me when I deserve it.

Did you say you have autism before? What about other diagnosis?

This is the first time I have been to a counselor.

Ah ok. Well you prob know this already but obviously PTSD and C-PTSD are most likely then, my condolences.

Having an unstable self image is common in PDs, as well as just people who have been abused.

You dont have to answer this if you dont want to, but why did you decide to see a counselor now? Did some event occur recently that prompted you to seek mental health help? Also, how old are you now? How long ago did the "detachment of emotions" start? Have you noticed any increase or worsening of overall symptoms during the last two years?

I think your reasoning about having empathy for kids and babies makes sense, I agree. When did you first notice that you had a lack of empathy for others, what age? Do you ever feel guilt, remorse?

[helpwheneveryoucan]

I really don’t think there’s any problem inherently with self dxing (it’s how I found out I had some disorders before getting officially diagnosed) however I think sometimes when people get their diagnostic info from social media, then inject their own experiences back into social media, creating a misinfo feedback loop. There are definitely some ways to combat it though:

1. Do not rely on one source for self dxing. I’m not saying never listen to social media or only use the symptomology of the DSM-V; you should always cross reference with multiple sources. That includes new, emergent research on your suspected disorder. That includes forum posts by people with your suspected disorder. That includes reading/listening to books by those who experience your suspected disorder. All of these will contribute to a more well-rounded understanding of your disorder. The DSM - though updated frequently - still relies on foundational knowledge gained when psychs were primarily interested in studying cis white people. Many disorders are diagnosed along gender and race lines (oppositional defiant and histrionic are hotly debated because of their diagnostic biases) . And what might be considered a disorder in the west can be considered something else entirely outside of the US and Europe. Psychiatry is highly subjective and everything we have labeled “disorder” is based on our current culture. This is important to keep in mind when trying to figure out what symptoms you have that may fit neatly into this disorder and which ones may look topographically different but may apply due to your specific set of circumstances.

2. Contrast with comorbid disorders, disorders with similar traits/of similar class, and physiological causes that mimic disorders. Many MANY disorders look exactly like eachother to an untrained eye. Schizotypal and schizoid disorders are often differentially diagnosed by how one arrives at asocial behavior - through partial or complete lack of desire. Personality clusters are a bitch to differentiate and so many mimic eachother. It’s incredibly important when seeking answers for your symptoms to not become set on one “desired disorder” and instead approach the situation as clinical as possible. Think about what makes sense and is a logical disorder with your situation - not just what would be more comforting. What might be narcissism could be bipolar, what could be schizophrenia might be major depressive disorder. All mental illness falls into some sort of spectrum, and thankfully in that way many treatments are universal fits. But if you want to self dx, keep the logic of your disorder cocktail at the forefront of your mind.

3. Think about if your disorder of interest is popular right now and how that could be influencing your concept of it. Many researchers have published papers regarding how social media influences mental health symptoms or how we research mental health (one article talking about the TikTok phenomenon and a Colombian study about how often individuals use social media to research mental illness, what sites they use, and general demographics in order to promote more targeted mental health information and aid). Take time to self examine and meta think about your symptoms. Are you displaying more of a specific symptom because of something you read that resonated with you? Were you scared of a particular symptom, began to fixate, and now are exhibiting traits of the symptom? These are extremely common issues (I’ve faced it myself, so I thought this would be important to comment on) so it’s highly important to separate what symptoms occur organically and which may be influenced by what we see others do or say.

4. Seek the opinion of someone who’s studied or a professional. This doesn’t mean you need to signup for a psych or therapy - just reach out online, to a friend of colleague, or even call for one time consultation. Even the professionals do this, because so often we are caught up in the anxieties, what if’s, and our biased opinions of what we’re dealing with to see the full picture, so an outside perspective can elucidate details we never considered. After talking to someone who knows exactly what questions to ask and who can lead you to more thought on what you might have, you can completely change your mind on what disorder you have.

I’m mostly speaking from my own journey and experiences, so I don’t doubt others disagree with some of my points, but I do think these steps should be in your path towards gaining better mental health and productive self diagnosis

[cracknoir]

ive spent the morning i’ve managed to skive off work trying to diagnose jimmy hopkins so here’s an extended medical review of James Anthony Hopkins 

so i’ve done some some research and i think these personality disorders apply to jimmy 

Paranoid personality disorder

Pervasive distrust and suspicion of others and their motives

Unjustified belief that others are trying to harm or deceive you

Unjustified suspicion of the loyalty or trustworthiness of others

Hesitancy to confide in others due to unreasonable fear that others will use the information against you

Perception of innocent remarks or nonthreatening situations as personal insults or attacks

Angry or hostile reaction to perceived slights or insults

Tendency to hold grudges

Unjustified, recurrent suspicion that spouse or sexual partner is unfaithful

Schizoid personality disorder

Lack of interest in social or personal relationships, preferring to be alone

Limited range of emotional expression

Inability to take pleasure in most activities

Inability to pick up normal social cues

Appearance of being cold or indifferent to others

Little or no interest in having sex with another personi

i’ve intentionally left narcissism out - i don’t really think jimmy’s a narcissist, just can be a narcissist sometimes, i think his schizoid personality traits fade and resurface. i’m not trying to retroactively insert these disorders, im tryna like, apply it to stuff i’ve written, so I’d say the SPD stuff applies to teenage jim and post-zoe jim, that sweet spot where he was on top of the world he was a total narcissist. 

Also I guess i should also write down i think jimmy’s been hospitalized bc of drug use a few times. he’s had mini-strokes from mdma use, had to have veins in his hands fixed because of cocaine use and he MIGHT have had plastic surgery to fix his nose??? idk tho one nostrils deffo bigger than the other. i once seen a guy put his pinky through the middle of his nose so idk maybe jimmy can do that. i ain’t gonna go into injuries here, feel like i’ve been over his fucked up body a million times

[eroticcannibal]

i used to be like that until the other schizoid traits developed/became more prominent and i just detached from giving a shit about relationships besides a couple anymore and now when i get the need for any kind of attention i just poke people i'm following on anon or talk to them if it seems like they need support or something and i don't need any closer relationship than that with most people. anyhow i don't know what to do about it because i just got different mental illness but it sucks

Alas, the narcissism is too strong for that to work for me 😔 like in many aspects I kinda dont give a shit? And yet I need it. It's like my relationship with food shhdhdjsjj

[the-courage-to-heal]

Why does the narcissist conjure up another Self? Why not simply transform his True Self into a False one?

We often marvel at the discrepancy between the private and public lives of our idols: celebrities, statesmen, stars, writers, and other accomplished figures. It is as though they have two personalities, two selves: the "true" one which they reserve for their nearest and dearest and the "fake" or "false" or "concocted" one which they flaunt in public.

In contrast, the narcissist has no private life, no true self, no domain reserved exclusively for his nearest and dearest. His life is a spectacle, with free access to all, constantly on display, garnering narcissistic supply from his audience. In the theatre that is the narcissist's life, the actor is irrelevant. Only the show goes on. The False Self is everything the narcissist would like to be but, alas, cannot: omnipotent, omniscient, invulnerable, impregnable, brilliant, perfect, in short: godlike. Its most important role is to elicit narcissistic supply from others: admiration, adulation, awe, obedience, and, in general: unceasing attention. In Freud’s tripartite model, the False Self supplants the Ego and conforms to the narcissist’s unattainable, grandiose, and fantastic Ego Ideal.

The narcissist constructs a narrative of his life that is partly confabulated and whose purpose is to buttress, demonstrate, and prove the veracity of the fantastically grandiose and often impossible claims made by the False Self. This narrative allocates roles to significant others in the narcissist’s personal history. Inevitably, such a narrative is hard to credibly sustain for long: reality intrudes and a yawning abyss opens between the narcissist’s self-imputed divinity and his drab, pedestrian existence and attributes. I call it the Grandiosity Gap. Additionally, meaningful figures around the narcissist often refuse to play the parts allotted to them, rebel, and abandon the narcissist.

The narcissist copes with this painful and ineluctable realization of the divorce between his self-perception and this less than stellar state of affairs by first denying reality, delusionally ignoring and filtering out all inconvenient truths. Then, if this coping strategy fails, the narcissist invents a new narrative, which accommodates and incorporates the very intrusive data that served to undermine the previous, now discarded narrative. He even goes to the extent of denying that he ever had another narrative, except the current, modified one.

The narcissist’s (and the codependent’s) introjects and inner voices (assimilated representations of parents, role models, and significant peers) are mostly negative and sadistic. Rather than provide succour, motivation, and direction, they enhance his underlying ego-dystony (discontent with who he is) and the lability of his sense of self-worth. They induce in the child shame, blame, pain, guilt, rage, and a panoply of other negative emotions.

As Lidija Rangelovska notes, the paradox is that the child’s ego-dystonic shame and guilt emanate from the very primitive defenses that later comprise and underlie his False Self. Having been told repeatedly how “bad”, “worthless”, “disappointing”, and injurious he is, the child comes to believe in his self-imputed delusional ability to hurt and damage family members, for instance.

Such imaginary capacity is the logical extension of both the child’s grandiosity (omnipotence, “I have the power to hurt mommy”) and his magical thinking (“I think, I wish, I hate, I rage and, thereby, with the unlimited power of my mind, I cause real calamities out there, in the real world”). So, it is the child’s natural primary narcissistic defenses that enable him to feel so miserable! These defenses allow him to construct a narrative which corresponds to and justifies the judgemental, hateful appraisals and taunts of his abusers. In his young mind, he accepts that he is bad because he is all-powerful and magical and because he leverages his godlike attributes to act with malice or, at the very least, to bring misfortune on significant others.

To skirt this inner overwhelming negativity, the child “appropriates” precisely these defenses and bundles them into a protective shield, thus sequestering his vulnerable, fragile self. Occupied by the ongoing project of his budding pathological narcissism, the child’s defenses are no longer available to construct and buttress the narratives offered by the abusive voices of his tormentors. Moreover, by owning his fantastic grandiosity and harnessing it, the child feels as empowered as his abusers and no longer a victim.

Gradually, the disharmony between one’s perception of the universe and of oneself and reality becomes unbearable and engenders, maladaptive, and dysfunctional attempts to either deny the hurtful discrepancy away (delusions and fantasies); grandiosely compensate for it by eliciting positive external voices to counter the negative, inner ones (narcissism via the False Self and its narcissistic supply); attack it (antisocial/psychopathy); withdraw from the world altogether (schizoid solution); or disappear by merging and fusing with another person (codependence.)

Once formed and functioning, the False Self stifles the growth of the True Self and paralyses it. Henceforth, the ossified True Self is virtually non-existent and plays no role (active or passive) in the conscious life of the narcissist. It is difficult to "resuscitate" it, even with psychotherapy. The False Self sometimes parades the child-like, vulnerable, needy, and innocent True Self in order to capture, manipulate, and attract empathic sources of narcissistic supply. When supply is low, the False Self is emaciated and dilapidated. It is unable to contain and repress the True Self which then emerges as a petulant, self-destructive, spoiled, and codependent entity. But the True Self’s moments in the sun are very brief and, usually, inconsequential.

This substitution is not only a question of despair and alienation, as Kirkegaard and Horney observed, respectively. Following on the footsteps of the Danish proto-existentialist philosopher, Horney said that because the Idealised (=False) Self sets impossible goals to the narcissist, the results are frustration and self hate which grow with every setback or failure. But the constant sadistic judgement, the self-berating, the suicidal ideation emanate from the narcissist's idealised, sadistic, Superego regardless of the existence or functioning of a False Self.

The False Self is a kind of positive projection: the narcissist’s attributes to it all the positive and desired aspects of himself, thereby endowing it with a quasi-separate existence. The False Self fulfils the role of a divinity in the narcissist’s obsessive-compulsive private religion: the narcissist worships it and adheres to ceremonies and rituals via which he interacts with it. The True Self, on the other hand, is ignored at best and usually denigrated. This process is akin to projective splitting: when parents project onto the golden child positive traits and talents even as they attribute to the scapegoat child negative, undesirable qualities. In this sense, the narcissist a parent with two offspring: his two selves.

There is no conflict between the True Self and the False Self. First, the True Self is much too weak to do battle with the overbearing False. Second, the False Self is adaptive (though maladaptive). It helps the True Self to cope with the world. Without the False Self, the True Self would be subjected to so much hurt that it will disintegrate. This happens to narcissists who go through a life crisis: their False Ego becomes dysfunctional and they experience a harrowing feeling of annulment.

The False Self has many functions. The two most important are:

1.    It serves as a decoy, it "attracts the fire". It is a proxy for the True Self. It is tough as nails and can absorb any amount of pain, hurt and negative emotions. By inventing it, the child develops immunity to the indifference, manipulation, sadism, smothering, or exploitation – in short: to the abuse – inflicted on him by his parents (or by other Primary Objects in his life). It is a cloak, protecting him, rendering him invisible and omnipotent at the same time.

2.    The False Self is misrepresented by the narcissist as his True Self. The narcissist is saying, in effect: "I am not who you think I am. I am someone else. I am this (False) Self. Therefore, I deserve a better, painless, more considerate treatment." The False Self, thus, is a contraption intended to alter other people's behaviour and attitude towards the narcissist.

These roles are crucial to survival and to the proper psychological functioning of the narcissist. The False Self is by far more important to the narcissist than his dilapidated, dysfunctional, True Self. The two Selves are not part of a continuum, as the neo-Freudians postulated. Healthy people do not have a False Self which differs from its pathological equivalent in that it is more realistic and closer to the True Self.

It is true that even healthy people have a mask [Guffman], or a persona [Jung] which they consciously present to the world. But these are a far cry from the False Self, which is mostly subconscious, depends on outside feedback, and is compulsive. The False Self is an adaptive reaction to pathological circumstances. But its dynamics make it predominate, devour the psyche and prey upon the True Self. Thus, it prevents the efficient, flexible functioning of the personality as a whole.

source

[bandbacktogether]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Resources

New Post has been published on https://www.bandbacktogether.com/master-resource-links-2/mental-illness-resources/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd-resources/

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) Resources

What Is A Personality Disorder?

Personality is the way of thinking, feeling and behaving that makes a person different from another. An person’s personality is influenced by experiences, environment (surroundings, life situations), and inherited characteristics. A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress, or problems functioning, and lasts over time.

There are 10 specific types of personality disorders, including Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Common to all personality disorders is a long-term pattern of behavior and inner experience that differs significantly from what is expected. This pattern of experience and behavior begins by late adolescence or early adulthood, and causes distress and/or problems in the way a person functions. Without treatment, these behaviors and experiences becomes inflexible and usually long-lasting.

The pattern of behaviors is seen in at least two of these areas:

Way of thinking about themselves and others

Way of responding emotionally

Way of relating to other people

Way of controlling one’s behavior

The 10 specific personality disorders are grouped into three categories called “clusters.”

Cluster A: Odd or Eccentric Behaviors

Paranoid personality disorder: a pattern of distrust and suspiciousness where others’ motives are seen as mean or spiteful. People with paranoid personality disorder often assume people will harm or deceive them and are reluctant to confide in others, and/or become close to them.

Schizoid personality disorder: a pattern of detachment from social relationships and a limited range of emotional expression. A person with schizoid personality disorder typically doesn’t seek close relationships, chooses solitary activities, and appears indifferent to praise or criticism from others.

Schizotypal personality disorder: a pattern of acute discomfort in close relationships, distortions in thinking or perception, and eccentric behavior. A person with schizotypal personality disorder may have odd beliefs or magical thinking, odd or peculiar behavior or speech, or may incorrectly attribute meanings to events.

Cluster B: Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Behavior

Antisocial personality disorder: a pattern of disregarding or violating the rights of others. A person with antisocial personality disorder may not conform to social norms, may repeatedly lie or deceive others, and/or may act impulsively.

Borderline personality disorder: a pattern of instability in personal relationships, emotional response, self-image and impulsivity. A person with borderline personality disorder may go to great lengths to avoid abandonment (real or perceived), have recurrent suicidal behavior, display inappropriate intense anger, and/or have chronic feelings of emptiness.

Histrionic personality disorder: a pattern of excessive emotion and attention seeking. A person with histrionic personality disorder may be uncomfortable when he/she is not the center of attention, consistently use their physical appearance to draw attention, or show rapidly shifting or exaggerated emotions.

Narcissistic personality disorder: a pattern of need for admiration and lack of empathy for others. A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, take advantage of others, and/or lack empathy.

Cluster C: Anxious or Fearful Behavior

Avoidant personality disorder: a pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and extreme sensitivity to criticism. A person with avoidant personality disorder may be unwilling to get involved with people unless he/she is certain of being liked, be preoccupied with being criticized or rejected, and/or may view himself/herself as being inferior or socially inept.,

Dependent personality disorder: a pattern of needing to be taken care of and submissive and clingy behavior. A person with dependent personality disorder may have difficulty making daily decisions without reassurance from others or may feel uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of fear of inability to take care of himself or herself.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder: a pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism and control. A person with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder may be preoccupied with details or schedules, may work excessively to the exclusion of leisure or friendships, and/or may be inflexible in morality and values. (This is NOT the same as obsessive compulsive disorder)

Diagnosis of a personality disorder requires a mental health professional looking at long-term patterns of functioning and symptoms. For a person under 18 years old to be diagnosed, the symptoms must have been present for at least a year. Some people with personality disorders may not recognize a problem. Also, people often have more than one personality disorder. An estimated 9 percent of U.S. adults have at least one personality disorder.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a person’s self-directed focus and inflated self-admiration.

While everyone likes to feel important and receive positive attention from those around them, people who have NPD take this to the next level. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding.

The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatments and rewards. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.

Note: Having high self-confidence (a strong sense of self) is far different from narcissistic personality disorder; people with NPD typically value themselves over others to the extent that they openly disregard the feelings and wishes of others, and expect to be treated as superior, regardless of their actual status or achievements.

Moreover, the person with narcissistic personality disorder usually exhibits a fragile ego (self-concept), an intolerance of criticism, and a tendency to belittle others in order to validate their own superiority.

50 to 75 percent of the people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are male; it’s been approximated that 1-2% of people have narcissistic personality disorder. The actual number of people who have NPD is likely to be far higher, as many who have this personality disorder don’t ever seek treatments.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way. This association enhances their self-esteem, which is typically quite fragile underneath the surface. Individuals with NPD seek excessive admiration and attention in order to know that others think highly of them. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat, and may be left feeling humiliated or empty when they experience an “injury” in the form of criticism or rejection.

What Is The Prevalence of Narcissistic Behavior?

According to a study covered by US News and World Report, rates of narcissism are on the rise.

In the summer of 2018, [a study of] a nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6 percent of Americans, or 1 out of 16, had experienced [clinical narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)] at some point in their lives.

And there was a big generational effect. You’d expect that people who are older would have a higher percentage of having experienced this because they’ve lived so many more years. But only 3 percent of people over 65 had had any experience with NPD, compared with almost 10 percent of people in their 20s. Given that you can only diagnose this when someone is 18, that’s a pretty short number of years in which to have this experience.

That’s a pretty big indication that this is an out-of-control epidemic.

What Are The Subtypes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

  Subtype Description Personality traits

Unprincipled narcissist Including antisocial features: These people have a deficient conscience; unscrupulous, amoral, disloyal, fraudulent, deceptive, arrogant, exploitive; a con artist and charlatan; dominating, contemptuous, vindictive.

Amorous narcissist Including histrionic features:. These people are sexually seductive, enticing, beguiling, tantalizing; glib and clever; disinclined to real intimacy; indulges hedonistic desires; bewitches and inveigles others; pathological lying and swindling. Tends to have many affairs, often with exotic partners.

Compensatory narcissist Including negativistic and avoidant features: These people cancel out deep feelings of inferiority and lack of self-esteem; offsets deficits by creating illusions of being superior, exceptional, admirable, noteworthy; self-worth results from self-enhancement.

Elitist narcissist, Variant of pure pattern: These people feel privileged and empowered by virtue of special childhood status and pseudo-achievements; entitled façade bears little relation to reality; seeks favored and good life; is upwardly mobile; cultivates special status and advantages by association.

Normal narcissist: Absent of the traits of the other four, this is the least severe and most interpersonally concerned and empathetic, still entitled and deficient in reciprocity; bold in environments, self-confident, competitive, seeks high targets, feels unique; talent in leadership positions; expecting of recognition from others.

Possible additional categories (not cited by the current theory of Millon might include):

Fanatic narcissist: Including paranoid features. Grandiose delusions are irrational and flimsy; pretentious, expensive supercilious contempt and arrogance toward others; lost pride reestablished with extravagant claims and fantasies. Reclassified under paranoid personality disorder.

Hedonistic narcissist: Mix of Millon’s initial four subtypes Hedonistic and self-deceptive, avoidant of responsibility and blame, shifted onto others; idiosyncratic, often self-biographical, proud of minor quirks and achievements, conflict-averse and sensitive to rejection; procrastinative, self-undoing, avolitive, ruminantly introspective; the most prone to fantastic inner worlds that replace social life.

Malignant narcissist Including antisocial, sadistic and paranoid features. Fearless, guiltless, remorseless, calculating, ruthless, inhumane, callous, brutal, rancorous, aggressive, biting, merciless, vicious, cruel, spiteful; hateful and jealous; anticipates betrayal and seeks punishment; desires revenge; has been isolated, and is potentially suicidal or homicidal.

Will Titshaw also suggested three subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder. These are not officially recognized in any editions of the DSM or the ICD-10.

Pure Narcissist: Mainly just NPD characteristics. Someone who has narcissistic features described in the DSM and ICD and lacks features from other personality disorders.

Attention Narcissist Including histrionic (HPD) features. They display the traditional NPD characteristics described in the ICD & DSM along with histrionic features due to the fact that they think they are superior and therefore they should have everyone’s attention, and when they do not have everyone’s attention they go out of their way to capture the attention of as many people as possible.

Beyond The Rules Narcissist :Including antisocial (ASPD) features. This type of narcissist thinks that because they are so superior to everyone they do not have to follow the rules like most people and therefore show behavior included in the ICD for dissocial personality disorder and behavior, included in the DSM for antisocial personality disorder.

Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

The exact cause of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is unknown; however, many psychologists believe that this shame-based disorder derives from a combination of biological, genetic, and social factors. It’s likely that the narcissist grew up in an extreme environment: living with neglect and abuse, pushed toward perfection or being praised for “having special talents.”

The causes of narcissistic personality disorder are unknown,The causes of narcissistic personality disorder are unknown. Experts tend to apply a biopsychosocial model of causation, meaning that a combination of environmental, social, genetic and neurobiological factors are likely to play a role in formulating a narcissistic personality.

Genetic Factors

There is evidence that narcissistic personality disorder is inheritable, and people are much more likely to develop NPD if there is a family history of the disorder. Studies on the occurrence of personality disorders in twins determined that there is a moderate to high inheritability for narcissistic personality disorder.

However, the specific genes and gene interactions that contribute to its cause – and how they may influence the developmental and physiological processes underlying this condition – have yet to be determined.

Environment

Environmental and social factors are also thought to have a significant influence on the onset of NPD. In some people, pathological narcissism may develop from an impaired attachment to their primary caregivers, usually their parents. This can result in the child’s perception of himself/herself as unimportant and unconnected to others. The child typically comes to believe they have some personality defect that makes them unvalued and unwanted. Overindulgent, permissive parenting as well as insensitive, over-controlling parenting, are believed to be contributing factors.

According to Leonard Groopman and Arnold Cooper, the following have been identified by various researchers as possible factors that promote the development of NPD:

An oversensitive temperament (personality traits) at birth.

Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback.

Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for bad behaviors in childhood.

Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents, other family members, or peers.

Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or abilities by adults.

Severe emotional abuse in childhood.

Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents.

Learning manipulative behaviors from parents or peers.

Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem.

Cultural elements are believed to influence the prevalence of NPD as well since NPD traits have been found to be more common in modern societies than in traditional ones.

What Are The Co-morbid Conditions Associated With NPD?

NPD has a high rate of comorbidity with other mental disorders. People with NPD are prone to bouts of depression, often meeting criteria for co-occurring depressive disorders.

In addition, NPD is associated with bipolar disorder, anorexia, and substance use disorders, especially cocaine. As far as other personality disorders, NPD may be associated with histrionic, borderline, antisocial, and paranoid personality disorders.

Symptoms Of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Narcissistic personality disorder usually develops in adolescence or early adulthood. It is not uncommon for children and adolescents to display traits similar to those of NPD, but such occurrences are usually transient, so it’s important to get an actual diagnosis before assuming their teen has NPD.

True symptoms of NPD are pervasive, apparent in various situations, and rigid, remaining consistent over time. The NPD symptoms must be sufficiently severe that they significantly impair the person’s capabilities to develop meaningful human relationships. Generally, the symptoms of NPD also impair the person’s psychological abilities to function, either at work, or school, or important social settings. The DSM-5 indicates that the traits shown by the person must substantially differ from cultural norms, in order to qualify as symptoms of NPD.

According to the DSM-5: “Many highly successful individuals display personality traits that might be considered narcissistic. Only when these traits are inflexible, maladaptive, and persisting and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress do they constitute narcissistic personality disorder.” Due to the high-functionality associated with narcissism, some people may not view it as an impairment in their lives.

Although overconfidence tends to make individuals with NPD ambitious, it does not necessarily lead to success and high achievement professionally.

These people can be unwilling to compete or may refuse to take any risks in order to avoid appearing like a failure. In addition, their inability to tolerate setbacks, disagreements, or criticism, along with lack of empathy, make it difficult for these people to work cooperatively with others or to maintain long-term professional relationships with superiors and colleagues.

The DSM-5 indicates that persons with NPD usually display some or all of the following symptoms (most often without the qualities or accomplishments they believe to have):

Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from other people

Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness

Self-perception of being unique, superior, and associated with high-status people and institutions

Needing continual admiration from others

Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others

Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain

Unwilling to empathize with the feelings, wishes, and needs of other people

Intensely envious of others, and the belief that others are equally envious of them

Pompous and arrogant demeanor

People with NPD tend to exaggerate their skills, accomplishments, and their level of intimacy with people they consider high-status. This sense of superiority may cause them to monopolize conversations or to become impatient or disdainful when others talk about themselves. When their own ego is wounded by a real or perceived criticism (triggering narcissistic rage); narcissistic rage and anger is usually disproportionate to the situation, but generally, their actions and responses are deliberate and calculated.

Narcissistic people can be controlling, blaming, self-absorbed, intolerant of others’ views, unaware of others’ needs and the effects of their behavior on others, and insist that others see them as they wish to be seen. Narcissistic individuals use various strategies to protect themselves and their beliefs at the expense of others. They tend to devalue, derogate, insult, and blame others, and they often respond to threatening feedback with anger and hostility.

Since the fragile ego of individuals with NPD is hypersensitive to perceived criticism or defeat, they are prone to feelings of shame, humiliation, and worthlessness over minor or even imagined incidents. They usually mask these feelings from others with feigned humility or by isolating themselves socially, or they may react with outbursts of rage, defiance, or by revenge seeking.

The merging of the “inflated self-concept” and the “actual self” is seen in the inherent grandiosity of narcissistic personality disorder. Also at the heart of this process are the defense mechanisms of denial, idealization, and devaluation.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Are self-centered and boastful

Seek constant attention and admiration

Consider themselves better than others

Exaggerate their talents and achievements

Believe that they are entitled to special treatment

Are easily hurt but might not show it

Might take advantage of others to achieve their goals

Exaggerates his or her own importance

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance

Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions

Requires constant attention and admiration from others

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals

Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy

Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her

Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes

A narcissist often exhibits intense and unstable emotions when their self-concept is challenged.

Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include:

Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love

Belief that he or she is “special” and unique, and can only be understood by other special people

Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants

Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others

Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her

Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat; possibly reacting with rage, shame, and humiliation

Arrogant behavior and/or attitude

The narcissistic individual’s sense of self is extremely distorted. A narcissist feels they must demonstrate feelings of superiority to compensate for a severe lack of self-esteem.

Treatment For Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder rarely seek treatment, as they genuinely believe that everyone else is the problem.

Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities. Individual and group psychotherapy may be useful in helping people with narcissistic personality disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way.

Mentalization-based therapy, transference-focused psychotherapy, and schema-focused psychotherapy have all been suggested as effective ways of treating narcissistic personality disorder.

If the individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is extremely impulsive, tests reality, or is self-destructive, they may end up in a medical facility to treat those fall-outs and receive a diagnosis there.

Psychotherapy can be helpful for Depression and difficulties within the narcissist’s interpersonal relationships.

Group therapy can be especially helpful for those with NPD, as they are put into a situation where a group (without an authority figure) challenges their psychological beliefs.

The Children Of Those Who Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

Read more about ACONs, Adult Children of Narcissists.

It’s clear that there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world who were raised by at least one narcissist, and it wreaked havoc on our self-esteem, feelings of well-being and safety, and confidence and courage.

Being raised by a narcissist makes us believe that throughout our lives, we are just not “good enough” despite everything we try and bending over backwards to please others.

Children of narcissists who don’t become one themselves often have a common coping mechanism to deal with this: capitulation and sublimation (perhaps not the healthiest but effective). Give the narcissist what they want and then move on. It’s the path of least resistance, right? Except that by doing so, there are greater implications.

Ultimately, it prevents these adult children of narcissists (ACON) from developing certain relationship and emotional boundaries as we get older. It’s not easy to do when you’re used to giving someone they “love” free reign to walk all over them. Narcissistic parents do not just disempower their us, they rob us entirely of our power, often leading us to seek extremely codependent relationships.

The unhealed wound of the child of a narcissist can also create a vacuum easily filled by adding another narcissist in our lives, often in our friendships and romantic relationships. Since we’ve learned not to be bothered by their parents’ narcissistic and self-absorbed behaviors, we subconsciously draw narcissists to us.

And narcissists, who are so adept at recognizing pressure points and how far to push boundaries, will engage in the same kind of push/pull dynamic we’ve had been normalized during our childhood.

These behaviors that seem disrespectful might very well be excused in a friend because like the parent, “that’s just how they are.”

NPD damages your boundaries; the invisible barriers between you and your outside systems that regulate the flow of information and input between you and these systems. These damaged boundaries may thwart your ability to communicate authentically and powerfully, and taint your own self-concept, which in turn damages your relationships and your capability to thrive personally and professionally in the world.

Most adult children of narcissists (ACONs) never get the help they need to recover and heal, because we have no idea that what we’ve experienced as children is unhealthy and destructive.

Often, we, as children of narcissists, are overly-sensitive, deeply insecure, unable to see ourselves as good, worthy, and lovable. What’s worse is that we’re so familiar with narcissism (because we’ve dealt with it all their lives) that we unconsciously attract it into their lives, through our adult relationships, and in our work cultures, and careers.

Feeling like we are never, ever good enough or valuable enough

We can be deeply afraid to speak up confidently or challenge others

We are quite attuned (to an almost uncanny degree) to what everyone around us is feeling, as we have a hyper-sensitivity to what others are experiencing. This is the way we survived living with a narcissistic parent, which can lead to our inability to protect themselves from others’ emotions.

We may feel chronically unsure of ourselves, and overly-concerned about what others think of us

We are very insecure, because we’ve never experienced unconditional love. Any love or care that we got through out childhood was only under certain challenging conditions that made ues feel inauthentic and fake.

We may discover that the relationships we form (either at work or in personal life) are deeply challenging and unsatisfying (and even toxic and frightening). When we step back and look at these relationships honestly, we see narcissism all around them and they have no idea how to deal with this.

Finally, we feel used and beaten up by our work, by our bosses. and our colleagues, and can’t understand why our careers are so challenged and difficult.

If the above experiences resonate with you, it’s time to gain greater awareness of what you’ve experienced in childhood, so you can have greater choice over your thoughts, mindsets and behaviors in order to heal.

We don’t just “get over” being raised by a narcissist. It takes strong therapeutic support to “peel back the onion” and heal the wounds — to have the courage to look at the specific brand of narcissism you experienced (it’s different in every family), how this has impacted you, and the way you operate, and learn new behaviors that will allow you to heal the child within and become the adult you long to be.

Romantic Relationships And The Narcissist: 

Relationships with a narcissist are never about partnership because the nature of narcissistic love is a one-sided, mental, and/or physical connection that dictates the terms of the relationship. In romantic relationships, narcissists use scripted “romantic” gestures or words to express their “love.”

Sex will often dominate in a relationship with a narcissist. They will “do” more than “feel” in a relationship because they have an extremely limited emotional range.

If you choose a narcissist as a lover (although really they’re the ones choosing you), you may find your entire reality turned upside down. It’s easy to fall in love with a narcissist and not realize what hit you. They charm you, come off responsible, and in control.

On the surface, they seem like the whole package.

We’ve been socialized to look for a lot of attributes that narcissists possess in a partner. Romance books are filled with narcissistic men who are beautiful, possessive, jealous, and financially successful. Like every fairy tale or vapid romantic comedy, these books prop up this fantasy male who wants only the female character and will stop at nothing until he has her.

His love will make her feel special, chosen; even saved.

And, in turn, she will surrender her entire self to him, allowing obsession to become possession.

We’ve been programmed to love the narcissist and forsake our self-respect, our identities, and our power in the process. Nothing matters besides to serving and placating this person to whom we are indebted for their “love,” even if their love comes from a dark, twisted place. It’s very rare that we are able to notice how dark and bad things have become. A narcissist is excellent at getting us to put up with more than we should, get us to ignore their instincts, as well as control it so that we only see what they want us to see.

You can get a real high or rush from getting the love from a narcissist. This love makes feel great about ourselves; if someone held in such high esteem (whether that esteem matches reality is part of the narcissist’s game). Then, we reflect back what they ultimately want to see and believe about themselves, which is that they’re a really — fill in the blank — amazing, wonderful, incredible, generous, all around ideal person. It’s a real ego boost to appear so cared for (it’s all about appearances) to be with someone who has it “together” and provides for you.

It’s a cycle, and once you’re in it, it feels really good.

Until it doesn’t.

Inevitably, as with any relationship, there will be opportunities for growth as well as challenges. If you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, they’re rarely bumps in the relationship, – they’re landmines, and before you know it you may find yourself in a a field of these landmines. Things you didn’t see until they’re too late.

One misstep (or perceived misstep) and they go into a narcissistic rage.

Narcissistic rage is the response to narcissistic injury. Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissistic individual perceives to be criticized so deeply that it creates severe emotional pain or scarring. It throws them from the invisible throne of superiority down into the masses.

Some narcissists can be very nasty and say mean, horrible, awful things that can cut us to our core if and when we challenge them. Other narcissists may be overly critical, spouting out criticisms about co-workers or family members –  things we easily excuse or dismiss. The narcissist acting this way because he or she is  tired, hungry, stressed out, or having a really bad day.

They will eventually turn on you and you will become the source of their narcissistic rage.

The longer we’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the worse it becomes. We may internalize the criticism so much that we honestly everything that bothers or upsets him or her is our fault.

We may not have much room for our friends because dealing with a narcissist can be so time and energy-consuming, or they may not want to share us with our friends.

Whatever the reason, it’s the shame/guilt cycle that we don’t realize until much later, as it’s now accepted it as a normal relationship dynamic. 

Over time, we may find ourselves walking on eggshells around them, ensuring we don’t say or do the wrong thing to trigger them.

That’s always the rub with narcissists: we hurt them; it’s never the other way around unless we deserved it – but we always end up feeling we really deserved it. That’s the guilt. We are made to feel we perpetrated the wrong, and we are thereby doomed to feel shame over it.

One of the most difficult things about dealing with the guilt of being in relationship with a narcissist is realizing that if we want to save ourselves from the relationship, we have to let it go. 

Am I Dating Someone With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

How do you know when you’re dealing with a narcissist?

While most of us are guilty of some of the following behaviors at one time or another, a pathological narcissist tends to exhibit habitually several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how his or her actions affect others.

Charming: Narcissists can be very charismatic and persuasive. When they’re interested in you (for their own gratification), they make you feel very special and wanted. However, once they lose interest in you (most likely after they’ve gotten what they want, or became bored), they may drop you without a second thought. A narcissist can be very engaging and sociable, as long as you’re fulfilling what she desires, and giving her all of your attention.

Breaks the Rules: The narcissist enjoys getting away with violating rules and social norms, such as cutting in line, chronic under-tipping (some will overtip to show off), stealing office supplies, breaking multiple appointments, or disobeying traffic laws.

Conversation Stealer: The narcissist loves to talk about him or herself, and doesn’t give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. You struggle to have your views and feelings heard. When you do get a word in, if it’s not in agreement with the narcissist, your comments are likely to be corrected, dismissed, or ignored.

Violates Your Boundaries: he or she shows wanton disregard for other people’s thoughts, feelings, possessions, and physical space. Oversteps and uses others without consideration or sensitivity. Borrows items or money without returning. Breaks promises and obligations repeatedly. Shows little remorse and blames the victim for his or her personal lack of respect

Conversation Interrupter: While many people have the poor communication habit of interrupting others, the narcissist interrupts and quickly switches the focus back to herself. He or she shows little genuine interest in you.

Pretending To Be They’re Something They’re Not: Many narcissists like to do things to impress others by making themselves look good externally. This “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally.

In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the perceived, inadequate “real” self.

These grandstanding “merit badges” are often exaggerated.

The underlying message of this type of display is: “I’m better than you!” or “Look at how special I am—I’m worthy of everyone’s love, admiration, and acceptance!”

In a big way, these external symbols become pivotal parts of the narcissist’s false identity, replacing the real and injured self.

Psychological Manipulator: They think of others as extensions of themselves, making decisions for others to suit one’s own needs. The narcissist may use his or her romantic partner, child, friend, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws.

They’re Owed: Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from others. They expect others to cater (often instantly) to their needs, without being considerate in return. In their firmly held beliefs, the world genuinely revolves around them. Grandiose, Over-The-Top Personality: narcissists think of themselves as a hero or heroine, a prince or princess, and one of a kind special person. Some narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, believing that others cannot live or survive without his or her magnificent contributions.

Negative Emotions. Many narcissists enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions to gain attention, feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They are easily upset at any real or perceived slights or inattentiveness. They may throw a tantrum if you disagree with their views, or fail to meet their expectations.

They are extremely sensitive to criticism, and typically respond with heated argument (fight) or cold detachment (flight). Narcissists are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule, and blame you.

Some narcissists are emotionally abusive. By making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel better about themselves.

Am I A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse?

See also: Emotional abuse

See also: Psychological Manipulation

Imagine this: your entire reality has been warped and distorted. You have been mercilessly violated, manipulated, lied to, ridiculed, demeaned, and gaslighted into believing that you are imagining things. The person you thought you knew and the life you built together have been shattered into a million little pieces.

Your sense of self has been eroded, diminished. You were idealized, devalued, then shoved off the pedestal. Perhaps you were even replaced and discarded multiple times, only to be lured back into an abuse cycle that’s more torturous than it was before. Maybe you were relentlessly stalked, harassed, and bullied to stay with your abuser.

This was no normal break-up or relationship: this was a set-up for covert and insidious murder of your psyche and sense of safety in the world. There may not be visible scars to tell the tale; all you have are broken pieces, fractured memories, and internal battle wounds.

This Is What Narcissistic Abuse Looks Like:

Psychological violence by malignant narcissists can include verbal and emotional abuse, toxic projection, stonewalling, sabotage, smear campaigns, triangulation, along with a plethora of other forms of coercion and control. The narcissist is someone who lacks empathy, demonstrates an excessive sense of entitlement, and uses interpersonal exploitation to meet his or her needs at the expense of the rights of others.

As a result of chronic abuse, you may struggle with symptoms of PTSD, Complex PTSD if they had additional traumas like being abused by narcissistic parents or even what is known as “Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.” The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress you back to the abusive incidents, as well as overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.

When we are in the midst of an ongoing abuse cycle, it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly what we are experiencing because abusers are able to twist and turn reality to suit their own needs, engage in intense love-bombing after abusive incidents, and convince us that we are the abusers.

If you find yourself experiencing any of the symptoms below and you are (or have been) in a toxic relationship with a partner that disrespects, invalidates and mistreats you, you may just have been terrorized by an emotional predator:

You Isolate Yourself:

Many abusers isolate you as a power play, but you also isolate themselves because you feel ashamed about the abuse you’re experiencing. Given the victim-blaming and misconceptions about emotional and psychological violence in society, you may even be re-traumatized by law enforcement, family members, friends, and the harem members of the narcissist who might invalidate their perceptions of the abuse.

You fear no one will understand or believe you, so instead of reaching out for help, you withdraw from others as a way to avoid judgment and retaliation from your narcissistic abuser.

Dissociation Is How You Survive:

You feel emotionally and/or physically detached from your environment, experiencing disruptions in your memory, perceptions, consciousness and sense of self. As Dr. Van der Kolk (2015) writes in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, “Dissociation is the essence of trauma. The overwhelming experience is split off and fragmented, so that the emotions, sounds, images, thoughts, and physical sensations take on a life of their own.”

Dissociation can lead to emotional numbing in the face of horrific circumstances. Mind-numbing activities, obsessions, addictions, and repression may become your way of life because they give you an escape from your current reality. Your brain finds ways to emotionally block out the impact of your pain so you do not have to deal with the full terror of your circumstances.

You may also develop traumatized inner parts that become disjointed from the personality you inhabit with your abuser or loved ones. These inner parts may include the inner child parts of you never nurtured, the true anger and disgust you feel towards your abuser and parts of yourselves you feel you cannot express around them.

According to therapist Rev. Sheri Heller (2015), “Integrating and reclaiming dissociated and disowned aspects of the personality is largely dependent on constructing a cohesive narrative, which allows for the assimilation of emotional, cognitive, and physiological realities.” This inner integration is best done with the help of a trauma-based therapist.

You Become Distrustful Of All People:

The longer the abuse persists, the more you believe each person now represents a threat; you find yourself becoming anxious about the intentions of others, especially having experienced the malicious actions of someone you once trusted.

Your usual caution becomes hypervigilance.

Since the narcissistic abuser has worked hard to gaslight you into believing that your experiences are invalid, you have a hard time trusting anyone, including yourself.

You Walk On Constant Eggshells: 

A common symptom of trauma is avoiding anything that represents reliving the trauma – whether it be people, places, or activities that pose that threat. Whether it be your friend, your partner, your family member, co-worker or boss, you find yourself constantly watching what you say or do around this person lest you incur their wrath, punishment, or become the object of their envy.

However, you realize that this does not work and you’re still the abuser’s target whenever he or she feels entitled to use you as an emotional punching bag.

You become perpetually anxious about ‘provoking’ your abuser in any way and may avoid confrontation or setting boundaries as a result.

You may also extend your people-pleasing behavior outside of the abusive relationship, losing your ability to be spontaneous or assertive while navigating the outside world, especially with people who resemble or are associated with your abuser and the abuse.

You’ve Stopped Being You:

You may have once been full of life, goal-driven, and dream-oriented. Now, you feel as if you are living just to fulfill the needs of another person. Once, the narcissist’s entire life seemed to revolve around you; now your entire life revolves around them.

You may have placed your goals, hobbies, friendships and personal safety on the back burner just to ensure that your abuser feels ‘satisfied’ in the relationship.

Of course, you soon realize that he or she will never truly be satisfied regardless of what you do or don’t do. You are struggling with health issues and somatic symptoms that represent your psychological turmoil.

Health Issues Begin To Arise That Represent Your Inner Psychological Turmoil:

You may have gained or lost a significant amount of weight, developed serious health issues that did not exist prior and experienced physical symptoms of premature aging. The stress of chronic abuse has sent your cortisol levels into overdrive and your immune system has taken a severe hit, leaving you vulnerable to physical ailments and disease.

You find yourself unable to sleep or experiencing terrifying nightmares when you do, reliving the trauma through emotional or visual flashbacks that bring you back to the site of the original wounds.

You Experience Suicidal Thoughts And Engage In Self-Harming Behaviors:

Along with depression and anxiety may come an increased sense of hopelessness pervading your life.

Your circumstances feel unbearable, as if you cannot escape, even if you wanted to. You develop a sense of learned helplessness that makes you feel as if you don’t wish to survive another day. You may even engage in self-harm as a way to cope. As Dr. McKeon, chief of the suicide prevention branch at SAMHSA notes, victims of intimate partner violence are twice as likely to attempt suicide multiple times. This is the way abusers essentially commit murder without a trace.

You Compare Yourself To Others, And Blame Yourself For The Abuse:

A narcissistic abuser is highly skilled at manufacturing love triangles or bringing another person into the dynamic of the relationship to further terrorize the you. As a result, you internalize the fear that you are not enough and may constantly strive to ‘compete’ for the abuser’s attention and approval.

You may also compare yourself to others in happier, healthier relationships or find themselves wondering why your abuser appears to treat complete strangers with more respect. This can send you down the trapdoor of wondering, “why me?” and stuck in an abyss of self-blame.

The truth is, the abuser is the person who should be blamed – you are in no way responsible for being abused.

You Sabotage Yourself And Self-Destruct:

You may often find yourself ruminating over the abuse and hearing the abuser’s voice in your minds, amplifying your negative self-talk and tendency towards self-sabotage.

Malignant narcissists ‘program’ and condition their victims to self-destruct – sometimes even to the point of driving them to suicide.

Due to the narcissist’s covert and overt put-downs, verbal abuse and hypercriticism, you may develop a tendency to punish yourself because you carry such toxic shame. The abuser may sabotage you goals, dreams, and academic pursuits. The abuser has instilled in you a sense of worthlessness and you begin to believe that you are undeserving of good things.

You’re Afraid To Do What You Love, Are Afraid of Success:

As many pathological predators are envious of their victims, they punish their victims for succeeding. This conditions you to associate their joys, interests, talents, and areas of success with cruel and callous treatment. This conditioning gets you to fear success lest you be met with reprisal and reprimand.

As a result, you may become depressed, anxious, lack confidence and you may hide from the spotlight to allow your abusers to ‘steal’ the show again and again. Realize that your abuser is not undercutting your gifts because they truly believe you are inferior; it is because those gifts threaten their control over you.

You Protect Your Narcissist And Rationalize The Abuse:

Rationalizing, minimizing and denying the abuse are often survival mechanisms for people in an abusive relationship. In order to reduce the confusion that erupts when the person who claims to love you mistreats you, victims of abuse convince themselves that the abuser is really not ‘all that bad’ or that they must have done something to ‘provoke’ the abuse.

It is important to reduce this cognitive dissonance by reading up on the narcissistic personality and abuse tactics; this way, you are able to reconcile your current reality with the narcissist’s false self by recognizing that the abusive personality, not the charming facade, is really who they are underneath it all..

Remember that an intense trauma bond is often formed between the victim and abuser because the victim is ‘trained’ to rely on the abuser for his or her survival. You may protect your abusers from legal consequences, portray a happy image of the relationship on social media or overcompensate by ‘sharing the blame’ of the abuse.

Leaving A Narcissist:

See also Domestic Abuse

See also Estrangement

Narcissists are hard nuts to crack. Don’t fall in love with a narcissist or entertain illusions they’re capable of the give and take necessary for intimacy. In such relationships, you’ll always be emotionally alone to some degree. If you have a withholding narcissist spouse, beware of trying to win the nurturing you never got from your parents; it’s not going to happen. Also, don’t expect to have your sensitivity honored. These people sour love with all the hoops you must jump through to please them.

Here are some suggestions for leaving a narcissist (or becoming estranged from them):

Don’t Fall For Their Manipulations

They will use every trick in the book to get you back so be prepared. Narcissists are really convincing. When you are ready to leave, stick to your convictions and move on to a more positive future filled with real love.

Set Limits and Boundaries 

Since narcissists have no empathy, and cannot really love, you must leave them cold turkey and endure the pain. Set limits and say “no” to them and in your heart.

Then gather all your strength and keep walking into the unknown towards something better.

Enforce a “no contact” rule with your girl or boyfriend in order to take the time to heal, assess the situation and regain your emotional strength.

Focus on the Future

Once detached from a narcissist it is extremely important than you focus all your positive energy and thoughts on doing good things for yourself and the world. Don’t let your mind wander to the past or to what he is doing.

Be Kind to Yourself

Treasure yourself. Be very kind to yourself and know that you deserve a loving relationship with someone who can reciprocate that love.

Regain Your Self-Esteem

Regain your self-confidence and self love.  It is paramount that you regain your own sense of self worth and reject people that abuse, control or lie to you in your life.

It is self preservation and  right to all of us.

Be Safe

Leave the relationship in a safe manner. If you feel threatened by your spouse, enlist friends or family to assist you in your exit. Always be safe, and be smart.

Talk It Out

Find a friend to confide in. You may feel you have lost your support system due to the relationship demands of a narcissistic spouse, but chances are you have not. You need someone to confide in that you can trust.

Support Groups

Join a support group. Codependents Anonymous, or CODA, is a place to share your feelings and provides support and insight into healing from a traumatic relationship.

Why It’s Hard For You To Leave A Narcissist:

See also estrangement resources

See also: codependency resources

Giving Up Control to Your Partner

Often, you will find yourself giving up control in your life to keep your partner happy. Your trips to see your family and friends may shorten and become farther apart in time. You may give up your finances to keep the peace, or maybe you feel like a stranger redecorated your house because there is nothing of you in it. Although it is disturbing, it may be better than the continuous “bad mood” and incessant bickering of your partner if you don’t comply. Eventually, the narcissist may have taken over your life and you feel as though you have become helpless without him.

Treating the Narcissistic Behavior as Normal

As a good person, you may believe that eventually the narcissist will come around and love you back with the same compassion that you provide them. The idea of give and take in a relationship is a valued component of a love match that the narcissist is not capable of in the long term. If they promise not to treat you as they have in the past, they cannot not sustain the facade for very long.

They Know How To Push Your Buttons

It is common to leave a narcissist spouse or partner several times before the final breakup. They know what you want to hear and will promise to become the person that will treat you better, not abuse you, not lie to you, not control you, be more flexible, give you your space, trust you, etc. But a true narcissist cannot sustain those ideals and eventually return to their former behavior.

Narcissists Keep Returning to Win You Back

A narcissistic spouse will ask you to come back at intervals and will lie and promise anything if you to return. When you agree to “loving them” you feed the narcissistic supply of admiration and adoration in your narcissistic spouse. Usually, just when you feel you are healing and ready to move on, the narcissist returns with gifts and promises of showing you how they love you. Eventually, you find that nothing has changed in the relationship.

Steps to Leave a Narcissist 

Recognize the Symptoms

Take Action

Reclaim Your Life

Your partner takes up all of your time

Find friends and family for support and help leaving

Leave the relationship very carefully and be safe

Your partner has control over all the finances

Open a new account and try to keep your money separate

Restore your financial control and regain your independence

Your partner acts out in anger or violence against you when you mention leaving

Call the police and have it documented that this person has violent tendencies. Verbal threats are as violent as physical assault

Have your partner removed and file a restraining order to keep them away

Take a “no contact” break from the relationship

The hardest part of leaving is staying apart, making a no contact rule will give you time to live on your own terms

Living alone will be hard, but reclaiming your life will give you back much of your confidence

Take a look at yourself before you start dating again

Before dating again, investigate why you were attracted to this relationship to begin with

Join support groups or engage in therapy if needed. A healthy individual attracts healthy people.

Additional Narcissistic Personality Disorder Resources:

Codependents Anonymous, or CODA, is a place to share your feelings and provides support and insight into healing from a traumatic relationship.

[kendrixtermina]

More on this Szondi thing

Again, it is recommended that you use a jungian function of your choice (eg Ti) to extract the observations and theory why filtering out 1900s ableism and gender essentialism, and trigger warning for both those things. 

Also, I believe the man was holographic-panoramic, perhaps even outright INTP. He tried to come up with an “unifying theory” and aimed not to contradict his contemporaries (Jung or Freud) but to “complement and unify” their approaches. 

Of course they knew as little about curing mental diseases as Galen knew about physical disease or as Aristotle knew about physsics and biology; They were the ones who started the field, of course they got much wrong. 

With those caveats, lets have a look at this: . 

1. The (h) factor. Generally speaking, this factor is an expression of the need for tenderness, femininity, motherliness, and passivity. The object is usually a definite person, family, religion, or other institutions. On a higher level, it expresses itself in "collective tenderness," the object being all of humanity. Ordinary occupational interests are in personal services-barber, cosmetician, valet, hotel keeper, dancer, and so on. On a higher level-gynecologist, sex pathologist, and so on. The extremely pathological disorders manifested in this factor may be placed under the general heading of Hermaphroditism. Spying, prostitution, and fraudulent dealings are among the criminal forms of expression this drive may take.

I scored “open”/ no particular preference at this. 

Filter out the 20th century gendered  crap and this is basically about Soft Feelings, bonding and identity, perhaps akin to Fi or oldham’s “Self-Sacrificing” drive. 

2. The (s) factor. This factor expresses the need for masculinity, aggression, sadism, activity, and virility. It is the masculine drive, the need to be a man, a father, and the dominant (leading) partner. On a higher level of extreme sublimation, the need expresses itself in chivalry, ability of self sacrifice for the common good, and "drive for civilization." Usual occupational interests of individuals with such a drive are farming, animal taming, butchering, prize fighting, and so on. On a higher, more sublimated level, occupations such as surgeon, dentist, anatomist, and operating room nurse, may be expected. Pathologically, this drive may appear in the various forms of sadism, sodomy, pederasty, and the like. Murder (often with a sexual conation. lb) is the common form of criminality.

Again, strip out the gendered crap and it’s basically your aggressive drive. 

This says I have this in a negative expression, basically saying I’m a bottom. I’m actually pretty indifferent to sub/bottom dynamics. 

Maybe liking grotesque stuff (knives, blood etc) could be a manifestation of this?

3. The (e) factor. Here, the damming up of "raw" affect is indicated. There is a need to suppress such emotions as rage, hate, revenge, and anger. A "surprise" reaction via explosive discharge, intolerance of others, may be expected. On a higher level, "collective" righteousness, charity, piousness, and tolerance, may be the expression. Occupational interests are in jobs as foreman, baker, sailor, flyer, and stoker. On a higher level are priest, Monk, missionary, nurse, and others.

ZOMG, its pheelings. Probably the main drive on tumblr. 

4. The (hy) factor. The major drive of this factor is the need for exhibitionism-to be "on the stage." Szondi calls this factor "the class of latent exhibitionism." The socially positive form of expression of this factor is seen in modesty. However, basically, the need is for showing off and for suddenness (surprise) in behavior. Higher-level expressions of this need are found in acting and in politics. As may be inferred from the abbreviation of the name of this factor- the pathological manifestations are revealed in hysteria, tics and phobias.

Fe? 2?

5. The (k) factor. "Ego systole" is the descriptive phrase used by Szondi in the exposition of the k-factor (catatonia being spelled with a k in German). lt is the need for "self-compression" or self-limitation. The native, basic form of the need is "to seal oneself off hermetically from the world and to spend the selfish life in the enclosure of the ego." However, since submission to the extreme form of this drive is not feasible, emergency outlets such as narcissism and depersonalization are utilized. Pathologically, the need becomes manifest through catatonic and a variety of other schizoid reactions. At a high level of social adjustment, there is a suppression of these extreme egoistic and narcissistic trends and adaptation to collectivity takes place. Occupations such as logician, philosopher, and mathematical physicist are manifestations of such an adjustment.

Probably the most pronounced one for me, both in positive and negative expressions.. Sounds like 5. 

6. The (p) factor. In contradistinction to the (k) factor, there is the (p)factor, which represents the need for "self-extension," or what is termed "ego diastole". It is a need aroused from the unsatisfied self-expansion desire for power: megalomania. There is a constant need for self-realization, for recognition of one's unknown capacities and, generally speaking, for furthering the self.

The socially positive and sublimated form of this need is through the furthering of humane needs, creativity, renunciation of the self, and the like. Obviously, the extreme pathological manifestations of this need are in the several forms of paranoia and related conditions.

Te? Se? I got nuthin’. 

7. The (d) factor. Here, the basic need is that of seeking and retaining objects. It is most closely related to what the psychoanalysts term anal characteristics. A pressure for rivalry is also related to this general drive. There is a seeking of objects that may, in reality, have been lost, or that it is feared might be lost. Related self-depreciation and feelings of guilt are present. Depression and melancholia are the more extreme pathological manifestations of this drive. lts socialization at the higher positive level may occur in art or literary criticism, supervision of a museum, and so forth.

Oddly enough I didn’t score high at this?

8. The (m) factor. In this factor of the "Contact-Vector," the need is for clinging to objects. It is an unquenchable need. Even when the object is possessed there is uncertainty about its possession. Thus the trait is that of the oral character, or as Szondi terms it, "the eternal suckling." Oral needs, therefore, are characteristic of this drive. Manic and hypomanic reactions, alcoholism, nymphomania, and satyriasis are some of the extreme pathological expressions of this need. A trend toward speech disorders is in the same category.

The socially positive expression of the drive appears through separation from objects in favor of the "collectivity." Politics and the art of speech are among the occupational areas into which this drive may be channeled.

I got 0 one time and + another. 

[parts-of-me-ego]

Tell her via EIP BOOK - connecting the dots - definition- unable to love psych today! And HD TUDOR and

psycology today article Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., CGP, is an internationally renowned Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations in a lively and practical way. She has trained psychotherapists in her approach in the US, Norway, Sweden, Wales, England, Russia, and Mexico

. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Acknowledging the feelings of others

Many people believe “narcissism” equals “no empathy.” While people with narcissistic tendencies often find it difficult to consider the feelings and perspectives of other people, research from 2014 suggests that empathy, while often low, isn’t always absent.

People with narcissism can develop greater empathy when motivated to do so, most notably when taking on the perspective of a person they see as similar to themselves or when considering the experiences of their children or others who idealize or value them.

Someone who shows affection or concern for certain people may be ready to explore further change in therapy.

Article 2 pro for change by HEALTHLINE

Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., CRNP Psychologist, Psychiatric/Mental Health Nurse Practitioner— Written by Crystal Raypole on January 17, 2020

Willingness to self-reflect

Self-reflection can be a challenge for people dealing with narcissism because it damages their protective shell of perfection.

A key characteristic of narcissism is the inability to see the mix of positive and negative characteristics that all people possess (known as whole object relations).

Ex. I sense Ross is no longer useful as a sponsor because - 9th step isn’t complete - will feel pressure from him because of that.

Instead, most people with narcissistic traits tend to see people, themselves included, as entirely good (perfect) or entirely bad (worthless). If their assumption of their own perfection is challenged, they might lash out or become trapped in a spiral of shame and self-hatred.

Those who can examine and reflect on negative behaviors — without responding by devaluing the person offering criticism or themselves — may be ready for more extensive exploration.

Interest in their behavior

Someone who wonders why they act the way they do may be open to exploring their behavior in therapy. This interest might come about after reading articles or books on narcissism, or when someone points out their narcissistic tendencies.

It’s possible for people with narcissistic traits to function fairly well in daily life. Intelligence and a drive to succeed can fuel an interest in not only their own behavior, but the behavior of others. This can lead to progress toward viewing other people as equals rather than inferiors. IN MY CASE - low self esteem I’m just in my head thinking about me- my needs. I don’t necessarily think your inferior. I’m imagining I’m just narrow minded trying to stay in a state of control or harmony... ovoiding overwhelming feelings.

Dual diagnosis - my story 2016!

It’s not uncommon for people with narcissistic tendencies to experience other mental health concerns, including depression, anxiety, anorexia nervosa, and substance misuse.

These other issues, rather than narcissistic traits, often encourage people to seek therapy. The desire to relieve existing emotional pain and prevent future distress may be a strong motivator to work toward change.

[grin-and-fox-it]

I think I’m in one of my especially self doubting modes tonight. One of my partner’s tried reassuring me earlier, saying he wouldn’t judge me but all I could think was, ‘I mean, I would judge me for some of this, to be frank.’ Yet I don’t experience the envy / jealousy I’ve read NPD bloggers share. I don’t... If I’m not in a downward / depressive mood swing it’s actually pretty difficult for me to feel envy? And that can freak me out too because shouldn’t I have that is narcissism is something I’m dealing with? In fact, when I see selfies of others I tend to feel next to nothing, no envy, no attraction, zilch. There is this sense of, “Who cares???” when I see it but I would always chalk that up to my schizoid symptoms. But I’m.... questioning if perhaps that’s a misdiagnosis? Because I don’t think borderline symptoms carry this degree of arrogance.

I keep having to tone it down too in order to keep other people comfortable. I’ll be honest? I feel like I legitimately have to fight with myself to be a “”good person””. Sure, most people have their internal struggles to make better choices but mine can often be on a more frequent scale than just ‘should I steal that chocolate bar or not?’ And even right now I want to type about how it’s scaring me but I’m....... Not experiencing fear? However I am excessively fidgety, my legs won’t stop shaking, I keep tic shaking my arms? I guess you could classify it as stress? I don’t know. I want to be a decent person, at the very least, to keep improving as an individual. But the identity confusion is very pronounced recently to the point I swear it feels as if I’m acting like different people sometimes. (Again, I clarify that I am 99% sure I do not have DID / OSDD. I remain aware and “”myself””- whoever that is- through it.)

I am worried though. I’m worried when I feel the gut kicking impulse to tell people I care about, “Oh, I see you as this color but I also associate it with all of these annoying / bad traits.” Like... That’s seriously messed up? I had to yank my hands back to stop myself before I said something regrettable. I find myself feeling as if I’m some sort of more powerful entity than others? As if I’m above them? Yet I have no right to be, logically I recognize I’m no better than anyone else I talk to or the people I care about. But my friends tell me, “you remind me of sunshine” and part of me wants to cry because it feels as if they’re wrong? That they’re wrong about me? I want to take care of them, I want to protect them, but sometimes I get so caught up in my head in these waves of arrogance that’s it... I’ll feel inherently better than others, worth more somehow, even while logically disagreeing with those sentiments?

I doubt I’m... always in a manic state. There’s no way I could function if that were the case. Yet I’ll have day after day where it’s.. I don’t fucking know? It’s my destiny to be great, powerful, and admired? And I recognize this is something I’ve experienced as far back as middle school? Anything before that I don’t really recall clear enough to say. I know I’m not the smartest, the strongest, the fastest yet there’s this swelling of power where I feel like I am? Again, logically being able to admit that isn’t true. I’ve gotten into fights where I think I’m way more powerful or excelling at fighting than I really am which resulted.... painfully. I’m not sure what of this is normal or what’s explained by my current diagnoses. I wonder if maybe SzPD is wrong, if this is something else? But I’m also not really ready to face that. I just get seriously worried about hurting someone during these mindsets to the point I’m debating seeking a professional out about it.