#scheduling for while I'm at work teehee

[lonely-north-star]

"Empty without you"

Imagine getting thrown into the past and feeling like you lost your soulmate. There's an empty feeling inside your chest that you're afraid will never go away, because what if this is forever? At least you have your necklace... But it's as much of a reminder as it is a comfort item.

BIG THANK YOU TO @/BUMIBABES ON TWITTER FOR CREATING THIS !!! PAULA DEMON FORM/DISGUISE LET'S FUCKING GOO !! Third piece for Humanity's Hope collection!

This was so much fun to design, I'm glad I finally have a reference for her demon form. Most of her outfit is pulled from Mammon, as he's the demon she's closest to (lovers). But pieces like her arm sleeves and waist- both mesh- are pulled from Levi, and the fact that she has a tail. Tattoo and waist chain are pulled from Beel, despite the tattoo being Mammon inspired.

The caption is from Flu Game by FOB, because I feel like it really relates to Paula. You can read the lyric ramble I did on it here.

But yeah. I imagine she spends a lot of time on the roof of cocytus hall alone, hurting Solomon in the process as she isolates herself. Sometimes he'll walk up to the window she climbed out of, and he can hear her crying. I'd like to think he finally has enough and climbs out onto the roof with her, and they have a long talk. He's been hurting just as much as she has, he misses Mammon as well.

[3igbootyl0ver]

A New Face

pairing: Tara Carpenter x Reader

summary: where the group of friends meet Chad's new roommate.

word count: 1737

Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4

a/n: heyyyyy this is my first ever fic I've written, don't mind it being cringy and I'm open to feedback teehee hope ya'll enjoy (p.s I'm new to this whole Tumblr thing cut me some slack 😭)

Chad has been trying to convince the core four to hangout at his apartment. He had been feeling lonely recently since Mindy and Anika had recently moved in together. 

It took him a few weeks to finally convince them into hanging out at his apartment. With Sam’s paranoia and busy work schedule, and the heavy workload for Tara,Mindy, and Anika in college, they were finally able to make the time and hangout. Plus, they could use a new scenery besides the Carpenter’s apartment, right?

That particular day they were supposed to meet up at Chad’s apartment, Tara was feeling under the weather, her finals for her college exam was killing her; And all she wanted to do was eat some greasy dough with sauce and meat while watching scary movies. 

“Hey guys! Come in, the pizza is getting delivered soon.” Chad exclaimed while hopping on his toes, feeling ecstatic since he hadn’t met them for a while. 

“What’s with you? you’re acting like a kid, dude.” Mindy commented, noticing her twin brothers’ gleamed faced and excitement. 

“Sorry, I’ve been lonely and I’m just glad we’re all together again. THE CORE FOUR! And Anika, of course.” 

“Didn’t you put up an online ad for a roommate? Where are they?”

“You don’t learn, do you?” Sam added, frowning with Chad’s method of calling in someone to fill in the extra room. 

Chad abashedly chuckled, and lowered his head, his cheeks burning up from embarrassment. It was Sam, who wouldn’t be scared?

“My roommate is cool! They’re out for work and should be here soon. They’re not a psychotic serial killer, I promise.”

Sam was skeptical, rightfully so. Meanwhile, Tara was sat on the couch, with her legs on the coffee table while scrolling through the tv to find a movie to watch. She couldn’t bother joining in on the conversation. She felt mentally exhausted from her exams and just wanted a day’s rest. 

After a while, the group was playing card games while eating their pizzas and watching movies. 

“That’s not fair Mindy! Stop giving me all the +4 cards!” Tara shrieked, feeling frustrated after getting the card that made her double the number of cards she had at least 4 times, making her chances of winning low.

“Whatever you big baby. Just admit that you suck in uno,” Mindy responded, smirking triumphantly while raising her voice

Tara rolled her eyes, not accepting her defeat and continued arguing with Mindy, with the rest watching amused by the entertainment. Unsurprisingly , Tara lost after Mindy getting rid of her cards before her. She couldn’t get rid of her cards with the suspicious amounts of +4 cards Mindy had. 

“Uno! Looks like I win, LOSER!”

“How about I shove this uno cards up your a-“

Tara’s reply was interrupted by the front door opening, revealing you carrying your backpack on your shoulders and your motorcycle helmet hanging off your hand (which peaked Tara’s interest, of course.) You looked tired, with dark circles under your eye, wearing your hoodie and sweatpants. 

Even so, Tara still thought you were the most beautiful human being she had ever seen. She was practically having heart eyes and drooling at this point, with Mindy noticing her stare and grinning cheekily. 

“What’s up dude. Tough day at work?” Chad commented, trying to create a conversation. 

“You know it, man” you softly chuckled while locking the door. 

“Anyways, my friends are gonna be here for a while. I hope you don’t mind,”

“Not at all, I’m probably just going to take a nap anyways,” you replied, finally looking at the group of people staring you. 

Mindy gave you a nod, already knowing who you were from her brother. Anika smiled and waved at you, which you responded by giving a soft smile back. Sam was staring you down, which made you uncomfortable and creeped out but ignored her action. Tara was well, staring at you? But not how Sam stared at you, she had a blank look on her face. 

Once you left and went into the hallway to your room, Mindy decided make a certain Carpenter’s life a living hell. 

“Tara, are you blushing right now? I didn’t know you had a type” she teased

“Shut up, Mindy. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You guys don’t find her suspicious? Seriously?” Sam commented, wondering why they weren’t skeptical like they usually were when there was new people around. 

It wasn’t new, after the incident of Ghostface, they all had their guards up, scared to open up to new people, to new faces. 

“They’re nice, I promise. How about I call them out so you guys can get to know them? They’re Y/N, by the way” Chad suggested, trying to convince them (especially Sam) to get to know you better before jumping into conclusions that you were a serial killer. 

All of them collectively agreed, with Tara nodding with a slight tint on her cheeks. Chad went up to your room and called you out, suggesting that you should hang out with them. Tara assumed it went well, as Chad grinned toothily and walked away. 

You’ve really peaked her interest. She didn’t know she had a type. The people she had dated before didn’t really cast a spark on her.  She didn’t feel happy or enjoyed her time during those relationships. It felt like she was the problem, however the thought was down the drain after going to a few therapy sessions with Sam after the Ghostface incident. Through the sessions, Tara found out that she didn’t feel happy through the lack of trust and being paranoid that her partner would be a killer. That’s understandable, it’s not everyday that your (ex) girlfriend tries to murder you. 

However after seeing you for 10 seconds, her mind was clouded by you. She noticed that you were as tall as Chad and probably plays sports too, based on your physique. All she thought of was finding out more about you.  Do you study in Blackmore? What bike do you own? Do you prefer cats or dogs? Did you find her cute?

‘Come on, Tara. Get it together.’ She reminded herself  after that embarrassing thought. 

When she saw you come out with the same sweatpants, but with a black t-shirt that showed off your arm sleeve tattoo on your left arm, she was practically drooling. You looked hot as fuck. 

“Hey guys, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Y/N”

“I’m Tara,” she quickly replied, seeing Mindy and Anika grinning at each other with a knowing look from her peripheral vision. 

You gave a smile. You looked cute. You had that cute ass dimples no one could ever resist, Tara thought. You might be the death of her. 

The group settled down and decided to watch a movie, you sat the end of the couch while waiting for the movie to start. Mindy, being an (alleged) amazing wingman she is, literally forced Tara into sitting beside you by pushing her. She sat on the couch with a sigh, annoyed at Mindy’s antics and rolled her eyes. Sam was just giggling at the other side of the couch. 

As much as Sam didn’t trust you, she was glad that Tara could act like a normal teenager again. After multiple therapy sessions, she gave Tara a little bit of more freedom and let her make her own decisions, even if it’s distasteful to her. That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t tase someone in the balls again, though. 

You mistakenly thought the sigh Tara gave out was because she had to sit beside you. You had known about what happened to their group from Chad, after he poured his heart out when he was blackout drunk. You understood the group of friends can be lack trust and be suspicious of new people. 

“Sorry, did you want to sit with someone else? I can sit on the floor if you want-“

“No! I mean it’s okay, I don’t mind sitting with you,” Tara replied with a heavy tint on her cheeks, embarrassed at her sudden reaction. 

Throughout the movie, you were munching on your pizza, oblivious to the amount of times Tara took glances at you while trying to think of topics to create a conversation with you. 

“So..How do you find the movie?” Tara questioned you, trying to get to know you a little bit better. 

“It’s alright, though I prefer other scary movies. I definitely do have favourites.”

“Oh, what’s your favourite horror film?”

“I absolutely love The Babadook, it’s amazing because I..” Any words that you uttered out of that beautiful mouth of yours disappeared. The universe must be sending a sign, she needs you badly. There’s no way Chad’s super cute, hot roommate would coincidentally like The Babadook, Tara thought 

“Blah, blah, blah, proper name, place name, backstory stuff..” was all she could hear. 

You on the other hand, only saw Tara staring at you blankly while she had her own inner turmoil and crisis.

“Uh, Tara..? You alright there?” you chuckled awkwardly.

“What? Oh, yeah sorry. I love The Babadook too! What’s your favourite scene?” Tara smoothly taught of a way to continue the conversation, silently cheering for herself. 

It took you both 2 horror films and a shared bag of popcorn to exchange numbers. Tara was secretly cheering in ecstasy of course. She would’ve jumped around and start dancing if she could. It was already close to midnight, and Sam decided that they should go back home before it’s too late to catch the last train.  Tara was devastated, she wished that she could’ve spent more time with you. 

“Soo, I’ll see you next time then? It was nice seeing you.” You initiated a conversation, seeing that Tara was pouting at Sam while trying to convince her into staying a little while longer

“Y-Yeah, see you. We should continue our horror fanatic activities again,” She chuckled, trying to prolong the moment. You nodded your head, giving her a soft smile while leading her, Sam, and the couple out of the apartment, since Chad was knocked out and asleep.

You took your last goodbyes with the group, even giving Sam a small wave, before closing the door. 

In the elevator, all Anika, Mindy and even Sam did was tease her on how red and lovestruck she looked. She didn’t pay any mind to it, all she could ever think of was you. 

[lil-elle]

I loved your boynextdoor as classmates headcanon !! can u request boynextdoor as your literal neighbour's?? tyty

YESSS of coursee heheh

BOYNEXTDOOR as your Neighbour

pairs: neighbour!bnd x gn!reader

genre: boy next door (fitting), neighbours au, fluff

word count: 632

content: fluffy bestie neighbour behaviour

a/n: it is nice having a lil break from xikers even if they are my ult group ♡

Jaehyun:

The friendly one, brought you home made pastries when you first moved in

Talks to you whenever he sees you on the street and invites you over to hang out a lot

Leaves little notes in your mailbox despite the fact he lives right next door (and probably has your phone number)

House sits when you're gone, sending you pics of your cat/dog with the caption “He/she misses you :(”

If your bedroom windows face each other he'd paste pieces of paper to his window saying “Good Morning!” every morning

-

Sungho:

Mows his lawn at 6am (I'm sorry sungho stans 💀)

He's always out early in the morning to go to the gym or run errands

Would be outside washing his car one day and he- um he uh- um- he 😳😳 let's just hope he wouldn't do it in a crop top (he would)

Hosts any neighbourhood gatherings like a potluck or a new year's party we'd he'd set off fireworks

Would accidentally walk in front of his bedroom window in just a towel and you'd see him from your window, eyes wide until he quickly pulls the curtain shut in embarrassment 

-

Riwoo:

The neighbour that always gets noise complaints like crazy

Has parties in his backyard on the weekend and invited anyone and everyone (including you as his neighbour)

Throws pebbles at your window when he wants your attention even if he knows it annoys you

Always forgets to put his rubbish bins out so his trash piles up until you just do it for him

A ding-dong ditcher, leaves a note on your door asking you to hang out, rings the doorbell and runs away because he's scared to see your reaction

-

Taesan:

Not a very sociable neighbour, you'd only see him every so often at the grocery store or getting his mail

You'd hear loud cursing coming from on his house and be very concerned but it's actually just because he stubbed his toe or something 

You'd knock on his door to bring him gift or something like a house-warming gift and he'd answer in his pyjamas and slippers with messy hair

The type to always be in pyjamas at home no matter what time it is, only gets dressed up to go out because he just wants to be comfortable

Would drive kids on Halloween away from his house with scary decorations and if they still come up to the door, he'd put a scary mask on and scare them away

-

Leehan:

Timidly introduces himself to you when you first move in

If he goes away, he'd ask you to take care of his fish while he's gone, giving you a super long list of all the things you need to do with strict schedules and instructions

The type to leave flowers on your doorstep as a birthday gift or house-warming gift or just because he wants to (teehee he has a crush on youuu)

Would have pretty flower beds and prune his garden really nice, he'd end up showing up everyone else in the neighbourhood

Gets really into decorating for Halloween and Christmas, having the best decorations every year

-

Woonhak:

Your classmate who you always knew lived right next to you because you walked the same way home everyday and watched him enter his house

Once he noticed you lived next to each other, he'd always want to walk to and from school with you everyday

Would always want to work with you for group projects or study together just because you live so close

You two would end up using the others house as much as you use your own, being in his house all day one day, and yours all day the next

Basically you'd be inseparable best friends

-

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

TAGLIST:

@hyunromi @minjaezed @ihyeokzu @cake1box

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 3, Episode 13- Dear Emily and Richard-Part 2

Lorelai receives a call at the inn from some old fogey who wants them to host his retirement party, but he can't settle on a theme for the party. Michel, much like Jess moments earlier, is triggered by a minor work inconvenience and unveils a detailed plot to first hobble his knees then bury the man alive in what is turning out to be a dark, dark timeline. And we haven't even gotten to Crusty yet. It's a pre Halloween horror fest!

Lane is just hanging out at the inn for some unknown reason, helping Lorelai make decorations? And listening to Michel's gruesome murder plans and not saying a word. Meanwhile Lorelai has sent Rory on a mission to fetch Dean. Oh, here they are now!

Get it? It's a Big Red Flag! Teehee! Rory shows up with an invitation to Creepy Sherry's Scheduled C Section Extravaganza.

February 7th! Hey, that's my birthday! Welcome to this cruel cruel world, Gigi, my fellow Aquarius. Your mother is Absent Sherry and your father is Absent Crusty and Rory is your Completely Uninterested Absent Sister. Oh boy are you fucked! Good luck!

*SIGH* *opens Googs* Laura Mercier is apparently a brand of makeup. It still exists today, and now that I've made the connection, it does sound vaguely familiar. Demerol is a painkiller.

Yah, that's the spirit, Rory. Much enthusiasm. Gigi would be 21 this year. Maybe Gigi also pulled a Jess, booked a good therapist in her late teens, threw off the shackles of her childhood trauma, and made millions with some kind of art at a young age so she could shrug "She's sort of my sister" about Rory while rolling around on a waterbed covered with 8 million dollars. Jess:"Rory is sort of my cousin."

Crossing off "Delicious Looking Fake Food" and "Millennial Pop Culture Reference" From my Bingo Card. Actually, we have a rapid fire 4x MCPR (Millennial Pop Culture Reference) blitz in under a minute. As always, there is likely some underlying context to these jokes that are going over my head so feel free to correct me. Let's go girls. Beanie babies-#1.

Oh stop, Lorelai. We know Rory doesn't do anything to earn money.

MCPR #2. Adrian Zmed is (was?) an actor and she is implying that he'll "do ridiculous things for money, including his whole career" which I don't get because he had just won a crapton of Oscars that year for The Pianist. Did she mean "Milo Ventimiglia"?

MCPR #3. I'm counting "another reference to a time when Amazon was only selling books" as a MPCR (Millennial Pop Culture Reference). Turns out the boxes were filled with a bunch of travel books from Emily.

MPCR #4. Paris and Nicky Hilton. The Simple Life had just come out that year. So is the joke is that like Emily & RIchard, Paris and Nicky Hilton are also Rich People Who Go To Europe? That's about where the similarities end as far as I'm concerned. Meh. I'm saying that AmyShermanPalladino could have come up with a better pair of Rich Snoots to compare E&R to. Boo! Write better jokes! Anyway, as L&R are perusing the travel books from the 80's, Lorelai starts to reminisce about her childhood while I go take a nap.

SUCH bad casting. Bleh.

Heh heh.

The big problem with Teen Crusty's actor is that besides the physical resemblance to David Sutcliffe being phoned in long distance, this geek is way too sincere and not nearly slimy enough to make me believe he's a Young Crusty/Sutcliffe. He's not some devil may care walking red flag wrecking Porsches on purpose and impregnating dopey girls on freezing cold balconies. Boo! Bad casting! BOO! He looks and sounds like he's late for a meeting to preside over the algebra club. As for the actress playing Lorelai, B for effort. She's trying. It's just that no one is really going to pull it off. You're not going to get some random young bubbly brunette actress to fill Lauren Graham's shoes and call it a day. Big shoes to fill, in my opinion. Young Crusty is shown to be the one who has to convince Lorelai to break off the shackles of rich people prison, ditch college, give a big middle finger to their parents, and run away to Europe. The only time he's shown some kind of initiative or vision for his life is when he was 16. Perhaps Lorelai is having some kind of false memory here.

They said the name of the episode in the episode, time to cross off another space on the ol Bingo Board. Cutting back to Reality, reading Rich People travel guides has made Lorelai dreamy about traveling like a rich person now, and she no longer wishes to explore Europe living like a squirrel, so hoity toity hotels it is. But she has no money. Womp womp. Cut to Chilton where Madelyn and Louise are needling Rory about Paris' boyfriend Jamie. Then another meeting of the ol Franklin. You know what that means. Time to skip skip skip to my loo!

I'll just assume "Paris and Rory sexual tension" occurs and knock that one off my bingo board too. During said sexually tense school newspaper meeting, Rory gets a call on her ancient cellphone from Creepy Sherry's work colleague to inform her that Sherry went into a labor a week ahead of her planned c section. This ride or die friend repeatedly calls Sherry's slightly early natural labor "a screw up". Creepy Sherry's psychopath colleague wants Rory to leave school, find transportation and accompany her father's girlfriend that she barely knows during her childbirth at a hospital miles away from her home.

Come on Rory. Say no to somebody's completely ridiculous, unrealistic, borderline psychopathic demands. I believe in you. You can do this...

As as personal aside, Rory accompanying Creepy Sherry during labor was one of those things I became convinced was a false memory in the long time periods between rewatches. I was certain I had dreamed it and it never really happened. This happened with a few scenes tbh. When that happens, I feel a slight sense of self-vindication. See, me? You were right me!

[sugarpasteltmnt]

I just discovered your neon void fic and I swear it fascinated me! I'm not lying when I say that I read it in one night and I woke up reading chapter 20, which by the way hurt my heart 😭. When will you upload the next chapter? I'm dying to see the kids' reaction when they discover that the yokai they've been hating lately turns out to be none other than Leo! By the way, I'm also a writer (amateur writing hehe) so if you ever get stuck or need ideas or just someone to talk to, I'm here! I love your work ❤️🧡💜💙

teehee thank you! i love writing angst and i'm glad you're having fun with it 🩵 (there will be more heart-aching stuff mehehe). and thank you for the offer that's very sweet of you

and while i appreciate everyone's enthusiasm, a few people have asked me the same thing-- but please be patient a bit longer! i do my best to stick to my 2-3 week posting schedule, but i also have a lot going on with work (as my company's project is ramping up and oof ya girl is runnin around like crazy lately) but i promise. it'll be worth the wait 🩵

[vasito-de-leche]

;NSR EVE - Love Languages (giving)

Headcanons and analysis on Eve, her love languages and the way she shows and expresses her appreciation.

I'm itching to write, so might as well continue the love languages series <3 this one was meant to go with Zuke and Mayday cause I LOVE to think about how their dynamic might've been if they ever became friends, but I don't have enough energy to do three characters all at once aheme aheem

bUT there are tiny bits of Zuke and Mayday sprinkled in, just for fun and because I had no clue how to take them out from the ideas I wrote down teehee

1010 (giving) | Eve (you're here!)

Giving: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation

[Quality Time]

Eve might present herself as extremely complex and misunderstood to the public, but there is an endearing simplicity in the way she shows affection - she wants to offer all the things she lacked while growing up and while building her career as an artist and musician.

This is most obvious in her art, which Zuke often states to be meant for the people: the statue covered with eyes created to repay all the attention she received, no matter how small, when she began her career. The artistic fountains that filter and redirect water to help people, and so on and so forth.

There is something to be said about Eve and loneliness: how she's unable to separate herself from it, and the way she weaponizes it in an attempt to retain her individuality and uniqueness, while also being hurt by it as she continues to essentially ruin any attempts at making genuine connections with people outside of her craft. It's similar to her relationship with the concept of eyes and being perceived! There is the action of staring and the action of being stared at. There is an inside and an outside. There is Eve and there is Nadia. (Duality just keeps influencing many, many aspects of her life, too)

This is why quality time is her priority when showing her affections, whether romantic or platonic. She will not ask her loved ones for their time, because she will always be there should they choose to seek her out - but when it comes to making time for others?

Eve is relentless in finding ways to be there for them, even if it's at the cost of her own health and schedule. It would be unfair to describe her as extremely emotional or overbearing - she is sensible, yes, but Eve is best described as intense. She resembles Mayday in this aspect, it's all or nothing for them. Both of them are at their best when they connect with their community, those with similar views or traits, anything they share that can help them realize they're not alone.

Eve makes a point to set weekly dates just so she can catch up with those she cherishes, putting all of her work aside. And this alone should tell you how much she values quality time, since she's a literally built a brand on being DEFINED by her work and art. Whereas Zuke is the type to let his loved ones pick the activity and setting, and Mayday is the type to pick new things herself, Eve likes to settle for a middle ground. Something that's familiar but not tedius nor repetitive.

Initially, I can see her struggling with this - she would feel inadequate choosing or doing anything less than grand and perfect for her loved ones (especially if we're talking about someone she greatly respects and admires), and she would feel horrible doing anything that only she enjoys, as she'd feel like stealing the spotlight and making the outing all about herself. But overtime, she would grow out of this mindset and settle for a nice middle ground, yeah!

With even more time, I could see Eve getting used to the idea of casual outings, like getting lunch together, staying at home and watching a movie, going for a walk etc. But this might be a little trickier? Intimacy is something that she will gladly offer, but struggle with accepting. Eve will gladly give her undivided attention to her loved ones, but she needs their partner to have something else to focus on that isn't exclusively herself.

She's always been in the spotlight for better or for worse, so naturally, she deflects.

This habit of hers can make her come across as distant, unwilling to drop her guard even for those closest to her, but it's far from the truth. I feel like Eve is the type of person who would also cultivate very, very few but extremely close relationships and friendships - if she's making time for you, it's absolutely because you've proved to her that you understand her limits, boundaries and efforts. That you can actually see her, both Nadia and Eve. Both her bright and darkest sides. Her ways might be unorthodox or hard to comprehend, but they're genuine and she's always willing to try harder and find ways of making things work if asked.

[Words of Affirmation]

Okay, let's get this out of the way - Eve is an artist before she is an individual (at least in her eyes) and she has a very unique vision of the world that she's a little desperate to share with like-minded people, we all know that. She has a very unique way of expressing herself verbally as well, as seen during her cutscenes. She might even be the boss with the most dialogue in the game, not counting Tatiana.

And I love to think that this is another endearing side to her. Eve is chatty, very chatty. She has opinions and a very strong sense of self. The aesthetic she surrounds herself with and that sense of aloofness that often follows her mitigates the overall cuteness of just how talkative Eve can be - again, she comes across as distant, very etheral, poetic and whatnot.

But when it comes to talking to her loved ones? Or about them? I can't stress enough how passionate, endearing and stubborn she is.

Words of affirmation is Eve's second love language because it's something she actively chooses to do and offer, as opposed to something that comes out naturally like quality time.

It's not uncommon for Eve's loved ones to receive constructive criticism from her in whatever hobbies and projects they might be working in. Again, Eve is at her best when she's being helpful, this comes out naturally. She is confident in her artistic abilities and her keen eye, knowing that she can help improve their craft with a few pointers here and there. And she can get carried away with this, maybe even take over a little or become really involved with their thought and creative process - again, intense. again, she bonds through art - but she will back off if asked.

I want to talk about specifically about Eve and the way she offers words of affirmation when she notices that someone she cherishes might feel awful about themself. Maybe you're having a bad day, maybe it's seasonal depression, maybe you're beating yourself up over a mistake.

And she knows what it's like to be in that mindset. And she knows how hard it is to get out of it, and how easy it is to stay there.

No matter the case, Eve notices the second she sees you. And from that point forward, it's fucking OVER for you.

She's attentive, so she will sit there and listen for as long as you need her to, to get everything off your chest. But the SECOND you give her time to speak? Eve will start to talk about all the things she admires about you, the things you do that inspire her, all the ways in which you've helped her change, all the small details that you've rubbed off on her - either in your gestures or way of speech - and how you've influenced her life in ways she could never dream of. Romantic or platonic, you can hear just how desperate she is to remind you how much you and your existence matters - maybe not in the whole scheme of things, but to the people you've managed to touch and reach out to, like her.

And sure, she might start to project a little halfway through her speech, and she might say very flowery metaphors that go right over your head, and her voice might start to shake and tremble, and it might be the most embarrassing thing to hear - but you can see how passionate and genuine she is. It's almost like she's talking about her favorite work of art, about whatever artistic movement she's gotten obsessed with lately.

At some point, you realize this isn't Eve trying to make you see yourself the way she sees you, but Nadia struggling to communicate how much you mean to her in a way that makes sense.

Because Nadia wants to know there's people like her out there in the world - but she would never want this loneliness that follows and defines her to ever reach you or any of her loved ones.

[pisspope]

cat ive got couple coming right up

🐶💕(this one esp)💚💤🌟💋🛡

and the last but not least✅whos the housewife of the household (aka does all the cooking and cleaning and will look stunning in a backless apron)

speak i listen 🎤🎤🎤

oh for u mae? anything

🐶: If you and your f/o were to get a pet, what would it be?

Okay so in canonverse we have two rats that are retirees from a marleyan science experiment. one of ems got a piece of ear missing and the other is mostly blind but zeke likes to set them on his shoulders while he reads the paper. Sees them as kindred spirits (Beast being used for science experiments and all), also jokes about them having the same amount of time left (rats only live about two years). Which... jeez zeke. Hilarious but jeez.

In modern aus we have a kid named Xavier and until she's able to speak we call her our pet but otherwise?? Too busy. Might get a cat in our later years though.

💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?

it's zeke he's soooooo whiny. like once ur his person u r His Person and he will not let you forget it for a second. gets out of work or some activity early and is calling you up like "why aren't you homeeeeee I wanna watch tvvvvvv". Not physically clingy but verbally and emotionally clingy. Sends u a text and then sends "🥺" every five minutes until you respond.

💚: Who gets jealous?

BOTH. we both act like we're hot shit but also secretly think the other person is settling. I keep it on the dl then get a little buzzed and say "do u like [person] better than me be honest 👉👈🥺" and he has to reassure me that no, now and forever everyone but me can suck eggs. zeke will get fake jealous because I think it's sexy ("saw u waving at the mailman today. fucking tart." then we [redacted][redacted][redacted]), but also gets actually jealous specifically when I talk about my thing for older men. Def have a come-to-ymir moment in the idol au after I flirt too much with label director Zachary if u catch my drift.

💤: Do you sleep together? If so, describe your sleeping positions and patterns (E.g. who steals the blankets, are either of you insomniacs, etc.)

So we do sleep in the same bed but,,,,,, our sleep schedules are insanely fucked. Like it's been known to happen on occasion that I go to bed before midnight and he doesn't wake up at 4 AM to eat a cheese stick and crash on the couch watching markiplier but it's rare. actually a boon in aus where we have a kid or two because one of us is usually up at any point during the day or night to answer inane requests. both sleep in fetal position backs to each other asses touching bc if I see his bits or he sees mine it's on sight ://// horn dogs :///

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

Me :) although he stone faces his way through it in public. second we're home though teehee I'm in danger (affectionate). 100% a pants wearer so the second I walk out of the bathroom in a skirt he knows I'm gonna be flirty and obnoxious all fucking day. eyes rolling into the back of his head but he secretly enjoys it.

💋: Where are your favorite places to kiss your f/o/where are their favorite places to kiss you?

I like to smooch him right underneath his jaw where his beard is sparse so I can kiss and then pull at the longer stubble so he yelps. also kissing his stomach and pulling at his chest hairs, a little mean and a little sweet at the same time.

hes an inner thigh kisser and biter no doubt in my damn mind. also likes pressing kisses to the lips down there idk idk idk

🛡: Who’s the more protective one?

hmm see this is a tough call because it's kind of neither? we're pretty independent of one another so we end up holding our own a lot. I do have a tendency to just lay down and take it when someone's mean though so if zekes in the room when that happens? oh I pity whoever spoke ill of me. but this is only if I'm in the room and its more of him defending me because I didn't stick up for myself, like if someone were to talk shit and I weren't there? He'd probably just shrug it off or even chuckle and agree. So yeah. Cake is not winning a chivalry contest any time soon.

✅️: Who does the housework?

Trick question because Zeke does the chores to the best of his ability in a little "May the Forks Be With You" Star Wars apron but his best is my half-assed. so he does the chores and I thank him soooo much then while he sleeps or does work I pick up the detail work. type to glass clean all the windows but not dust all the surfaces ynow. neither of us can cook tho :/ zeke boils hot dogs and expects a compliment for using the stove

[meistoshi]

Share with dash something you're currently into, and tell us about it! It can be a movie, a song, a book, a project you're working on, anything that comes to your mind!

other than the obvious of my rp related brainrots like pkmn & tmnt, me & a group of friends recently started a new dnd campaign, & i've been teeheeing over my pc since the dm (aka God) proposed a sequel campaign to our very first campaign together that he also ran, a spin on the sunless citadel campaign.

hi i started rambling so heres a cut :)

so that campaign ended with my pc, a firbolg ranger, entering a tree into the feywild to find a vampire that we were meant to kill, that the tree told me to get rid of, & the search lasted 40 years, only to find the fuck waiting for me in a cottage at the bottom of a dead volcano, & the trip back lasted 30min, during which i let him monologue his life's story to me. then i tried to kill him & he asked me if i really had to, & i admitted that nah i kinda don't give a fuck???? but if i let him go he might kill my fam along the way so :/// & he said nah idgaf abt a dozen firbolg in some forest i'm chill. so i let him go. & exited from my companions' pov 5min after entering. & lost 11 levels worth of experience points coz i rolled too low to remember everything from my time there, left only with the sense that home is safe. &, as per the campaign quest, we went back to town to like. report back on the sibling sitch, & found out the mayor got beheaded & drained of blood while we were getting back. my guy parted ways on the way to waterdeep because uh. he didnt wanna be there anymore, & the other two got celebration drinks at the yawning portal. cool.

SO. THE SEQUEL. PROLOGUE. ENTER NERVA FERRO, A TIEFLING FIGHTER BOUNTY HUNTER. has been tasked with figuring out hey uhhh whom the fuck killed the mayor & axing 'em. takes a while to find someone with connection to the thing, to find clues, but eventually he finds my previous pc :) no hesitation, no questions, kills him. the remaining clue is of the other two pcs, so he learns where they are, finds them in waterdeep, scopes em out, but they've got important positions in the city, can't just drag em out of the picture. & there's still the question of how involved they actually are & what of the killer??

we're five years later now, & we have a clue to the killer, they've been killing more in the same way, it's a big deal by now, there's an expedition beyond faerun to find the fucker, & i'm part of it. i've been spying on the two pcs this entire time, i know their schedules & routes. & that's sort of where we are right now, & we have 2 more players joining for this campaign, the same two that were along for the campaign i ran, & i am so hype about it :)

we've only had one session of this so far, so it's been set-up for now, but tomorrow is session 2 & ehehehehehehehe

also here is the man (one eye looks Normal coz it's en ersatz eye i got handed at sesh0 & needed to figure out how to incorporate into Character Relevance)

bonus The Concepts (im keepin the colors from the 2nd one smile)

[keijoikawa]

💭🎤☺️ for the ask game <3

yumeee~ thank chu 4 asking !! hehe dis might get a liiiil longgg... oopsie !!

what do you think your f/o thinks about you when you're not around?

all of them probably instantly wonder if i'm safe... i'm very clumsy, unlucky and prone to trouble !! but they'll also have their own individual thoughts too !!

avenlexi... ♡ i'm not usually separated from him for too long.. unless he's off on some ipc mission i can't tag along for :c he most likely worries that gross men are gonna hit on me while he's gone ! but it's okay becuz i wear a pretty aventurine choker all the time as his lil piece of ownership teehee !

aletio... ♡ usually wondering if i've eaten today :c i tend to get lost in my own world within my books and research... i guess you could say i overwork a lot ! if he's not able to check n' remind me, he probably worries a lot abt that even if he denies it !

sunexi... ♡ if i'm not with him, chances are i'm working n' being an idol ! maybe wonders when the next time our schedules will permit us seeing each other again :c whether my fans are being too much, if i'm eating and resting enough between schedules... oopsie... i better text him c:

lexipaz... ♡ miss topaz probably wonders if i'm done with my reports :c despite knowin' i'll be in her office with them when they are done !! also probaaaably wondering if i want my usual drink order, sometimes she likes to surprise me since i'm the one who always comes to work with the drinks c:

does your f/o sing or play music? if so, how are they at their craft, and what's your favourite thing about it?

sunexi... ♡ sunday plays violin !! it's one of my fave things eveeeeer !! he's so good at playing i try to convince him to play solos with me at my performances :c but he says no ! i'll have to settle for him performing duets with me in his study... my fave thing abt it is how peaceful n' elegant he looks while he plays !! being the leader of penacony isn't easy... me thinks playing violin is a lil stress relief!

what about your f/o makes you smile every single time? furthermore, what's something you do that makes your f/o smile every time?

avenlexi... ♡ i have little habits of kissing his brand whenever i'm seated on his lap during poker games :c i'll bury my head into his neck n' place little kisses over the brand n' me thinks it makes him smile a lil bit that he has to hide it ! whereas i always get smiley n' giggly when he's tossing poker chips in his hands... i like seeing all the tricks he can do c:

aletio... ♡ veritas is very observant... he notices that when i read, i trace my nails on my skin :c whether it's on my thighs or shoulders, i like to trail my nails on the skin for comfort - that is until he situates himself beside me n' takes over so i can put both hands on my book c: meanwhile i lovelovelove when he gets all focus-y when he's sculpting... his eyebrows will furrow n' he purses his lips in concentration. it makes me smile bc he's sososo passionate abt his work !!

sunexi... ♡ whenever someone speaks to me while i'm playing the piano regardless of whether it's sunday or maids, etc. i'll always stop playing ! i'm not too great at multitasking and i think sunday gets amused by that... on the other hand i loooove watching sunday's wings when he focuses !! he catches me smiling a lot bc i'm sat watching the way his wings move when he's reading over documents. his eyes will focus n' his lips will go into a thin line but i can always tell from the way his wings move first !!

lexipaz... ♡ miss topaz always smiles when i start daydreaming... whether we're at work or at home, if i'm typing away n' then look out of the window, i usually get distracted n' disappear into my own world !! she'll clear her throat so i snap outta it but she's always got a lil smile on her face that makes me all flustered n' shy for gettin' caught in the act :c n' everyone knows miss topaz talks to numby but nobody sees the way she talks to them behind closed doors c: it's so cute !! how can you not smile when she uses a lil baby voice with them- oops i think i said too much !!

[rawr-team]

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* Meet the RAWRXD team!*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*   ✦ KOMO ✦

KOMO (He/They)

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* ZOMGGGGGOOODNESS ITS A ME, KOMO!! DERP XD! ( @komoroshiart ) Howzit going? I'm just a self indulgent dude that loves ocs and drawing funny creatures. I tend to hyperfixate on OCs and will draw them till my arm falls off. All my friends are so cool and creative and I'll simp and stan them till the end of time. When im not drawing I like to play a lot of fortnite or FFXIV, more than I like to admit teehee uwu. Also I rp my ocs on the weekends with my friends! I tend to do some pretty laid back streams, so feel free to pop by and chillax with me while I work and hang! I'm usually around Tues/Wed/Fri/Sat! Scheduling can be some times sporadic ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I'm just a cat, bro. Ya know like, nya?

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💗

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[effielumiere]

All I Want - Kim Namjoon x Reader

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Reader, OC x Reader

Genre: Romance? Idol AU, Drama, Angst?, Best Friends to (???)

Warning(s): Cursing/Language. Angsty angst? Get your tissues... i think... or not. Two shoes being thrown at Joonie .UNEDITED!

Word count: 12k (I'm so sorry, I got too carried awaaayyy~)

Summary: Kim Namjoon has been in love with his high school best friend ever since he first laid eyes on her. Nearly fifteen years later, he's known all around the globe as BTS's leader RM, but none of that matters to him personally, because all he ever wanted aside to live his dreams was to be with Y/n. However, it seems it's too late. She's about to get married in the following day and he's too afraid to watch her be forever in the arms of someone else that isn't him and for the first time since he's debuted, he wants to try and confess again, even though he knows that this time it's going to be different. He knows you're not going to stay. No amount of pleading and begging will make him yours. So, this time he's going to do that right thing and confess, not to make Y/n changer her mind, but to say goodbye. It's right thing to do anyway... Nothing could possibly go wrong .... right?

Author's Note: I *legit* forgot that this song existed until i read This Chapter of House of the Omegaverse by @sopejinsunflower and remembered it. Without giving much away, the scene goes with Namjoon and the reader looking at each other while the reader was singing it, and I remember how I felt like someone abruptly pulled my heartstrings leaving in a tiny angst mood. And that was moooonths ago btw lol. That story was an inspiration for this and this baby has been sitting on my drafts since House of the Omegaverse ended (please go check out @sopejinsunflower 's work 🥺) I'm a bit behind schedule but I'm pretty sure it's still September 30 in California ... Hopefully lmao. This was originally for Namjoon's birthday, but I got busy so here I am lol. Please leave your feed back in the comments or send me an ask teehee don't be shy😄 And btw, this is completely unedited most parts were written while I was half asleep and tired on the shuttle headed home lol. ENJOOOOYYY!

Armand (OC [Korean Englishmen/JOLLY]) is none other than this young man right here.

< main masterlist >

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon closed his eyes as the cool wind blew past his face, relished the last night he was going to spend with his long time best friend who was getting married when the morning comes. 6 hours. That's all he needed and that was all the time he got. The sun was already starting to set when he opened his eyes to gaze at the sight before him.

Her. She was wearing a pastel blue dress with small white polkadots, light make-up on her face that accentuated her eyes and enhanced her best features. Her eyes he thought Her eyes are the most beautiful set of eyes he's ever seen. She was looking around the floor watching happily as waiters walked past our table with food on the trays they were balancing elegantly with one hand.

"Oh, Joon," she smiles as she brings the wine glass to her lips to take a sip "I'm so excited for tomorrow, everything went as planned and tomorrow, I'm finally going to be a married woman and have my dream wedding"

"I'm happy for you," he gave her a smile "Truly?" she asks. Namjoon cocks his head to the side, a habit he's that shows his disappointment and sometimes, his disapproval of a certain situation.

"What is it?" she asks, her smile slowly fading, concerned for her best friend "Is everything alright?" Instead of answering, he picks up his glass of whiskey and downs it in one go, slightly wincing at the burn as he contemplates on whether or not he should spill his emotions and tell her how he truly feels, or hold back, let her be happy and never see her again as long as he lives.

"Namjoon" she calls him, making him slowly look up at her "I'm excited about tomorrow, but I'm also nervous"

"Don't be," he tells her in a low voice as he controls himself from talking more than he should.

"Joonie, remember when we went to the beach?" Y/n asks "You know, the place where we met up because I needed your help with my math homework" he simply nods at her not trusting his voice. He's drank enough whiskey for tonight to last a lifetime, he thinks. He motions for the bill at their waiter who was patient waiting for them to leave as they were the last customer of the restaurant for the night.

Namjoon planned everything for this particular evening, he planned of making sure that she had a relaxed night where she wasn't going to worry about anything, including the wedding but what he didn't plan was to entertain the nagging thought he had to tell her how he's really felt for the past 15 years of his life, but at the same time he was scared. Scared to lose her, he decided to shut his mouth and let her, watch her meet someone else, fall for someone else... love someone else.

The night of the engagement, Namjoon watched as videos and pictures of Y/n and her now soon to be husband to be all smiles and happiness on the timeline of his social media accounts, the comments filled with happy wishes and he felt... numb... and angry. No. Not angry. Furious. Furious at himself for being a coward and not trying hard enough, and not expressing what he really felt about her all these years.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

He waited, until 5 years ago when he thought he'd visit her college campus to pick her up and take her out on a date, hoping she wouldn't say no. But he was too late, so there she was, walking out of the college building, laughing and smiling as she ran into the arms of a man he didn't know, and surprised him the most, they two kissed. And it definitely didn't look friendly. Namjoon unknowingly clenched his jaw and fists at the sight, crushing the poor stems of the bouquet of peonies and sunflowers that he brought for Y/n especially for this occasion.

"Are you okay, Mon-ah?" Jin asks from the driver's seat, looking at the rare view mirror.

"I don't think so, hyung," Yoongi answers for him from the passengers side, nodding his head at the direction Y/n was still smiling and laughing, then they're holding hands as they walked away from the building.

Jin didn't need words to start driving back to their dorm, and when they arrived the maknaes were outside waiting for them with an expectant gaze in their eyes. Parking the car, Namjoon quickly got out, slamming the car door with a bit too much force. Roughly throwing the bouquet on the nearby bin, he walks like a man on a mission to the end of the street.

"Let's go after him," Hobi says and they all nod as the maknaes look at their hyungs in confusion.

"What happened?" Taehyung asks

"Did she turn hyung down?" Jimin questions

"Is Rap Mon-hyung okay?" Jungkook asks in a small voice, his lips curling inward as he bites them nervously.

Jin sighs as he leads the younger boys to walk in the direction where Namjoon was headed. Wrapping an arm around Jungkook's shoulder he looks at them and simply says" Don't say anything alright? It didn't end the way we thought it would," he says in a quiet voice" And I think it would be best not to ask him anything related to Y/n for now. "

"What happened then?" Jimin asks him, still walking. Hobi and Yoongi were already ahead, trying to catch up with Namjoon's fast paced, angry stomps on the pavement. As Jin told the stories to the maknaes and watched the sadness and pity in their eyes grow, Namjoon was already at the park and was being to climb the big tree.

"Uhh... Namjoon-ah, please be careful," Hobi says nervously as he looks at Yoongi who also had no idea how to stop the brokenhearted boy from climbing the tree.

"Namjoon-ah, careful!" Yoongi yells "Please! I have no fucking idea how I'm going to explain to your parents why you're doing what you're doing right now if you get hurt climbing a damn tree because of a broken heart!"

"Oh shit," Jin yells as he heards the last bit of Yoongi's sentence "Namjoon-ah, get back down here!" he yells his neck and ear turning red from the fear and the anger he was feeling for the most clumsy person he's ever known his entire life climbing said tree.

"What is hyung doing?" Jungkook asks

"Don't you dare ever follow his footsteps kid, you could, but don't do reckless shit he does," Yoongi warns the youngest.

"I'm calling Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim" Jin announces as he pulls out his phone to call their producer, but his actions were stopped when the loudest sound he's heard in his life made him drop his phone on the sand, startled.

"YAAAAAAHH!!! FUCKING BASTARD!!!" Namjoon yelled from the highest point of the tree that he was able to cry. He was breathing heavily, on the verge of crying "YOU JUST HAD TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING SWEET TIME, HUH?!" He yelled at the open air at himself "THERE YOU GOD DAMN GO, YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKING LOST YOUR CHANCE TO DATE THE GIRL YOU WANTED FOR SO DAMN LONG"

Without giving it much thought, Jungkook started climbing the other side of the tree making sure his brothers didn't see him. Namjoon stared at the maknae once he was leaning on the branch in front of him.

"What are you doing here, Jungkook-ah?" Namjoon asks him softly after he was done yelling about, looking away from him wiping a tear discreetly but Jungkook saw it "I felt bad for you, hyung, so I followed you up here instead even though Yoongi hyung told me not to." he shrugged.

Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim arrived "Mon-ah, get down from there," Sejin-nim said "You're gonna get hurt!"

"What's the maknae doing there with him?" Bang PD-nim ask Hobi and Yoongi who suddenly look around them only to find the maknae missing.

"You little brat!" Yoongi yelled "I told you not to climb the tree,"

"Don't worry, hyung," Jungkook called back, "I'd do the same for all of you," then turned towards Namjoon "What happened with Y/n, hyung? I thought you'd be happier when you returned."

Namjoon took another deep breath "She uh..." he cleared his throat before continuing, he felt like he was running out of air to breathe because of what he had witnessed earlier "She was with another guy, they're probably dating. She never told me that she was seeing someone else."

Jungkook bit on his lip as he listened to his hyung explain what happened when he was about to leave the car, go up to her and ask her out on a date but was rudely interrupted by a man who seemed to have already taken his place. After a few more minutes talking to Jungkook, thanks to his distraction, Bang PD-nim and Sejin-nim were up to date on what was going on and decided to make him face the music so to speak. Y/n arrived at the park, she was on a date with Armand, the exchange student who she's been seeing for months in secret, when she got a call from the boys' manager and cut the date short when they said that Namjoon was on a tree. It was enough to send her in a panicked frenzy to leave the date abruptly to somewhat save her best friend.

"Namjoon-ah," she called from where the other men were standing. Namjoon's dragon shaped eyes widened and his lips slightly pursed as his gaze shifted from Jungkook slowly to looking below him where Y/n stood, a panic-stricken look on her face and sadness in her eyes.

"Namjoon-ah, please get down here before you hurt yourself," she half begged half demanded

"Don't worry about me, I'm okay," Namjoon tries to reassure her

"Joonie-ya," she calls out to him, so far she's the only one who calls him that and he's allowed it because he has feels for her "I don't know what exactly happened, but you didn't have to climb a tree because you're mad that the girl you like didn't go out with you," behind her, Namjoon saw Yoongi was mouthing that she doesn't know it's her and Jin was giving him a thumbs up that all was well.

"Just get down here and let's talk about it if you wanna," she offers "if not, well... just write a song about it and rip it off like a band aid. You'll move on, Joonie, you'll love someone else, and I promise they'll love you back"

"That's not what I want, Y/n-ssi" he tells her "I don't want anyone else, all I want in this world is y-"

"Ya, Namjoon-ah" Hobi yells out to him, enough to cut his sentence before he said something he wasn't ready to say yet and Hobi's voice was loud enough for Y/n not to hear the end of what Namjoon said "Get down here before we call the firefighters to get you back down here!"

"Joonie-ya," Y/n called out to him one last time "We don't always get what we want, some of us just happen to be lucky. I just left my date alone because they said you're up, stuck on a tree like a stubborn cat."

"Y-you did that? W-why?" Namjoon stuttered "Because you're important to me Namjoon-ah!" she yells back at him, "And right now, I'm pissed because I didn't get to eat! Now get down here so we could go back to your dorm so I can cook Jjajjangmyeon for all of us, or you could just stay there are starve. You look like a dumb dragon perched on a small tree, you punk. I can't believe I'm yelling at an Idol who's stuck on a damn tree like a cat," she stomps her foot on the ground. The men around them watching the interaction found it funny that Hobi was taking a video for future purposes, mainly friendly blackmail. What made Hobi laugh was the way Y/n walked out of the park and headed for the grocery, maknae's (minus Jungkook) following her. When they were out of earshot Bang PD-nim chuckled at the sight before turning to Jin "Guess you only needed her help, get the receipt from the grocery and let me know her bank account to give her a refund. Get your groceries too," he says pulling out a couple of bills and handing it to him "Just in case." then he turned to the man on the tree "Namjoon-ah, get down there and take your girl's advice," he calls out to him grinning and he walks back to his car with Sejin-nim. That evening, Y/n cooked dinner with the help of Jin, Yoongi and Hobi. Despite the cramped space, they were able to walk back and forth in circles and prepare dinner. Namjoon was sitting in front of Y/n, he watched her with sad eyes as he ate. He didn't know whether he was supposed to break everything in his path or just cry, and it wasn't until she left the dorm that Namjoon went back to the nearest convenience store with notebook and ballpen on hand. After two cups on coffee, he wrote about how he felt into two songs, one of them later down the line gave them their first award and a gave them a lot of recognition, the other one... was something that he wanted tell her. But told himself that when they record the song he wanted it to sound almost like haunting accusation.

"I need you and run." he says to himself, cocking his head to the side sighing, he mutters "Please get the message," only to be disappointed that she didn't know it was about her.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

"Hey, earth to Namjoon," you called out to him smiling "you still there?"

"Yeah, sorry," Namjoon shook the memory from his head a d chuckled "Sorry, I had a mini flashback that's all,"

"Ooh," she leans forward, elbows on the desk and a hand on her cheek "What's it about?"

"Remember when I went up a tree? After this girl didn't go out with me."

She thought about it for a second before she laughs "Is that the one where I cooked Jjajjangmyeon for us and you looked like you were gonna cry on your food?"

"Wait," his eyes widened slightly "You saw that?"

"It's hard not to see it, Joonie," she smiles sympathetically "Your aura screamed that you were heartbroken that's why I cooked, because if I remember it right, it's your comfort food in some sort of way"

Namjoon nods, he felt the exact same thing when your engagement was announced, and he went up the same tree again. To his surprise, the other members followed him and the maknae did exactly what he did that day, he went up the tree. But he didn't scream out his frustrations and their stay didn't last long because this time he came down without your help, and this time he cried in front of his brothers. Telling them that he's lost his chance with you.

"I still am," he admits "Not being loved in return by someone who you've loved for all those years is heart breaking." She nodded. Namjoon asks for the bill and as they get into Namjoon's car, he asks the driver to drop off Y/n first.

They were in front of the villa she was renting with her family and friends, including him and the other members, when Namjoon decided to end his pain. Ripping off a band aid, like she said.

"There's something I have to say, but there are two promises I need to know you'll keep as I tell you this story. The first promise is that you let me say everything on one go and ask me questions later,"

"Alright..." she trailed off hesitant "Go ahead?"

Taking a deep breath, Namjoon had a moment where he thought about letting it go and never letting her know, but there was also that selfish part of him that was begging to be let out. And he liked listening to that part of him.

"I was gonna ask this girl out years ago," he stared at her "I was ready to go out with her after knowing her for years. I've been... In love with her for the past fifteen years; that's from the moment I met her until today." he stopped gaging her reaction and so far so good, she was intently listening, so he continued.

"I met her in English classes." he bites his lip, knowing she's going to finally know how he's felt after all these years, and he didn't know what else to do other than let his mouth run, so he looked away from her. Watching the light of the room that she's staying in, the room that was joined with his, only to be divided by a large bathroom.

"She was wearing her uniform, with a lavander and gray hoodie on top, which made it easier for me to find her. You see I had a crush on her, she's really smart and well spoken, gentle and kind, full of light and laughter, and most of all she had kindness I could never compare to anybody else. When I finally walked up to her, I pretended not to know what our homework was to have an excuse to have her look at me past the glasses and the awful haircut, and you did, " he smiles at the memory before quickly glancing at her. She was slightly wide eyed with his last statement making him look at his hands, suddenly they were very interested to look at.

"I never asked you back then because... do you even remember how I looked like?! I had a bowl cut, it wasn't really hot or cool. So, I told myself, once we get into college I'll ask you out. But it took a while before college was something that I really had to do. I had to work first, we debuted and had to work even harder, I did everything I could to keep you. But that day, I had a bouquet of your favorites, peonies and sunflowers. I was in Jin-hyung's car with him, Yoongi and Hoseok, we showed up at the university. We came home from tour that day and I was really excited to see you, but instead I met you in a different circumstance. You kissed Armand right before I could even get out of the car, and I felt my heart shatter. Jin-hyung drove back to the dorm and we all walked to the park where you saw all of us. I ate dinner with a broken heart because I took too long to ask you out. I wrote songs about you. I need you and run were written that evening. Serendipity, Trivia: Love, Home, The truth untold, they're all about you and for you.

"I've been in love with you for these past fifteen years and I'm such a coward that I never told you in person and now you're going to get married to somebody else" he bit his lip as tears pooled in his eyes "It's so cliché for someone to fall in love with their best friend but what can I do, I'm just a human being who happens to be in love with you and now I'm losing you,

"I lost you to him," he looks out the window, he refuses to look at her not knowing that she too was crying at the secret that he's kept for so long. She's never seen him harshly wipe his tears away in frustration before except for time when the group was deciding on breaking up which never happened.

"I don't expect you to feel the same way or to back out of the wedding, but I wanted to let you know."

"Why now?" she asks in a small voice, Namjoon barely heard her if it wasn't for the silence ringing out in the car "Because the feeling has been eating me up. It's selfish of me do this because you're getting married in less than 12 hours, I know that. But you know me better than I know myself, baby." he whispers the endearment, not knowing she heard him.

Y/n turned to open the door, before she could get a foot out the door Namjoon speaks behind her "I might not stay for the entire ceremony tomorrow, I can't stand there in the aisle behind your husband to be and watch the two of you seal your marriage and your vows with a kiss, wishing it was me instead. I just can't,

"And I'm staying out of your lives, you'll never hear from me again in person. Consider it a wedding present." he states as Y/n finally gets out of the car, but not without closing the door with a bit more force than the usual. Namjoon flinched as his heart breaks, watching his security guard hold out an umbrella for her as it started raining heavily, quietly he lets his tears fall.

"Sir?" his driver asks hesitantly. Namjoon's driver has been around for 7 years now, so he has seen how madly in love Namjoon was with Y/n. Everyone saw it but never said a word to Y/n about it, the would even talk about how lucky she was to have caught the attention of Namjoon even before debut day. Some of them evwn assumed at one point that they were dating because of how Namjoon would look at her lovingly whenever she wasn't looking, "She'll come around, sir" he tries to lift the mood by giving Namjoon positive thoughts, but the only thing that would make Namjoon happy was to have her, but this was his reality and he knew that.

"Not everyone gets a happy ending," he says sad

"But destiny gives it to those who deserve it," his driver tells him

"I..." Namjoon started "I don't think I believe in destiny anymore... she... seems cruel to those she abandons..." his driver simply nodded as they drove back to the hotel.

Falling onto the bed, Namjoon stared at the ceiling letting everything he had just done marinade into his reality. Pick up his phone he quickly sends a text to his group chat with the other members before turning off his phone as notifications started coming in.

Namjoon: She knows everything. I asked the driver to leave the drive in her room earlier.

Back the house where Y/n in preparation for her wedding, everyone was fast asleep except for her mother who was waiting for her in yer room a paper bag on the table next to her.

"Oh good, you're back," she says smiling "Let's get ready for bed, you need enough rest for tomorrow,"

Nodding at her mom then at the paper bag beside her she asks, "What's that?"

"Oh, right," she lightly exclaimed "Namjoon's driver left it for you, he says it's a wedding gift." Y/n slowly opens the bag that her mom hands out before sitting beside her at the end of the bed.

Pulling out a heavy item that was as the side of a DVD but thicker.

"What is it?" her mom asks alout of curiosity, but she knew well what it was and what it possibly consisted.

With tears pooling in her eyes, she looks at her mother finally letting everything she learned tonight sink in.

"Do you think I'm making the right decision? Marrying Armand?" I ask her

"While you're very much in love with Namjoon?" she asks sighing "No. But if you're asking me for the sake of the feeling of because you just want to be married, then it's also a no.

"I love Armand, he's a great kid. Treats you right and all, but I don't think he's really ready to settle down. I have a feeling that you're just going to be an unhappy trophy wife when you get older. I even see you two probably getting divorced because I think you're only together for the sake of convenience, but I don't see you too completely in love with each other."

Y/n pulls her in for a hug, rubbing her back as she sobbed in her mother's arms, "You're the only one who knows the right answer, no one is forcing you to choose someone. It's your decision to follow your heart by following what you know in your head is right." Slowly her mom leaves her alone to rest once she's calmed down.

Picking up the hard drive she noticed two invisible sticky note on it, sitting on the chair in front of her laptop which was on a coffee table she reads the note that says,

Condition two: Before you plug this in to your laptop, promise me that you will forgive me for everything. For not telling you that I love you sooner.

I wish I did, it's something I'll regret until my dying breath. So please, humor this clumsy, old soul. Forgive me.

x. NJ.

Carefully taking them off of the surface of the drive and placing them on the empty pads of the laptop, she plugs it in only to be greeted by a password screen.

Your color of your favorite ice-cream that I'll never eat / Nature.

Letting out a chuckle and a quiet sob, she quickly types in 'green' then she had access. She was greeted with three folders each named 'Part 1- Start here', 'Part 2 - Dream of me.' and 'Part 3 - Farewell'. Deciding to respect his wishes, she opens the first folder, inside was one video entitled 'Open me' that she ended up playing. As the player loaded up, she was greeted by Namjoon's tired appearance. Chin on the palm of his hand that rested on the arm rest of his chair.

I guess this is gonna be the first video? he mutters to himself as she sighs heavily, sitting up to look straight into the camera

Okay... Hi? I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. I just finished a whole bottle of whiskey with Yoongi hyung. He didn't exactly stop me so... I kept drinking. Today is... he pauses to look at the screen of his phone

December 28th. Y/n's breath was caught on her throat, it was the night of she announced her engagement to Armand.

Actually it's the 29th, it's past midnight. You probably know what today is - or yesterday, but I'll remind you because I'm good ol' pal of yours. he took a deep breath as he rubbed his temples You got engaged a couple of hours ago he sings sadly to himself Hence, whiskeeeyyyy. My best friend.. aside from the members... and you.

Namjoon pours the amber liquid on to a glass that had one ice, swirled it around a couple of times before drinking it in one go as if it was a shot of Soju.

I'm doing this... thing, he motions a hand to the camera as a farewell. Because you're going to belong to someone else, and that someone ain't me, baby, he takes another swig before continuing I'm gonna send you a copy of all of these, he grabs the camera from where it was placed and pointed it to the screen of his computer monitor that was showing organized folders dated by year.

I'm gonna turn this into a huge ass movie and give you a copy. Just to show you how much... I love you, he mutters the last part to himsepf probably knowing by now that the microphone picked it up. Namjoon puts the camera back to where it originally was then he looks directly at it, I'll always love you. But I wanna show you how I fell in love with you and why. I can do it in two ways: write you a song or pile all these up into a movie... or both.

He lazily grins at the camera before saying I've already done the first part, so now imma do this. Originally, I planned making this for you so that one day when I confessed my love for you and I proposed, I would play this as a proposal video or when ended up getting married, this was gonna be my wedding present. But since, neither of those are gonna happen this is gonna be my wedding and parting present for you.

He eventually stops talking and after a minute or two of spacing out he suddenly says Keep your end of the promise. Please. The second one is important. At least send me a text or tell someone to relay it to me if you don't want to talk to me directly. Just let me know you forgive me for my cowardice and for me never seeing you again.

The video ends and Y/n moves on to the enxt folder where she found a scanned file that she opens and finds a handwritten letter from Namjoon.

"You used to say you like romantic stuff like keeping pictures, handwritten notes, late night dates, random short dates, text messages about your day and sweet boba tea with snacks whenever you were sad. I gave you all that, I hope he does that and if he does hope he'll continue to do that for you even when you're old and gray, you deserve that. You deserve it."

Closing the image file, she moves on to the video and when her video player launched and the video was playing she was greeted by pictures of her with Namjoon from when they met from the first time when she transferred to Seoul. Pictures kept moving back and forth from the screen, even a few video clips played, including ones she's never seen before. The first one that surprised her was a video clip from her college orientation, the boys were already quite known around the country and they were already making a name for themselves abroad, and Namjoon surprised her by traveling back home to South Korea even just for a day to see her, months before he had to be convinced to get down from a tree. In the video, the college seniors made the freshmen perform and she was singing Dream a little dream of me, a song Namjoon knew but a talent he never knew she had. He was with Hobi when they sneaked in the auditorium and while she was performing Hobi took a video of the whole performance backstage with her on one side and Namjoon's side profile on the other. He was staring, jaw dropped at the sight before him. He was in love with her, that was the moment he fell and Hobi pointed it out as everyone applauded when Y/n performance ended.

"Holy shit, Hoba," he gapes

"Is that your girl, Namjoon-ah?" Hobi asked only to catch Namjoon's reaction on camera as he slowly nods and mutters "yeah... that's my girl right there... " Y/n heart dropped when she heard his words. The had to go back a few times when he said it, she wanted to believe it... so bad. Every picture was now a pulling at her heart strings and it was past midnight when she got to the last folder containing a video entitled 'Farewell.', and not having any other choice, she played it. Recognizing the background of the the hotel in Las Vegas when they had their concert for Permission to dance, she knew the video was fairly recent.

Hey, me again. Probably for the last time by the time you watch this. I'm not sure if I wanna watch you exchange vows with him tomorrow. I don't have the heart or the guts to face that, call me a coward all you want. Call me all the names you want to. I'm pretty sure I deserve it. he sighs, leaning back on his chair and stretching his largs arms out. I'm tired, but you came today to surprise us. He doesn't know you're here, and I love you for that, breaking all your rules for me, and it's taking everything in me to stop myself from knocking at your door that's across mine; to kiss you senseless and make you forget he ever existed but I have to stop myself he chuckles, shaking his head slightly so for tonight, before you join me in my museum hopping adventure across the country, I'll stay up wishing, hoping, praying even, that you will come knocking at my door asking if you could sleep over because your room feels weird. You used to do that when you joined us on tour for Love Yourself, you spent your entire summer vacation with us and I loved every minute of your presence. Even as you slept next to me in my hoodie.

He stops talking for a good second as he reminisces and he before he continued, he looked directly at the camera as if looking directly at Y/n and says I want to see you grow old beside me like that. But if I ever get the guts to see you one last time, may it be on the day of your wedding or the night before as long as you know how I feel about you. Whether you accept it or not, return it or, most likely, not. I'll live the rest of my days knowing that I never find anyone else who will make me feel the way you did, and I'll never look at another woman the way I look at you. If I were to be selfish, I want you. You. You are all I'll ever want to live in this world, fuck air... fuck water... fuck food, man. You. Are. All. I. Want. And. Need. You're my everything, from the day I laid eyes on you I knew you were the one, all it took was for you to sing Dream a little dream for me to realize I was in love with you. But I was too late. And here we are. Me, watching you be another man's wife. You, watching me do all of this, just to ask for your forgiveness and to never get mad me for being a coward and not telling you all this sooner. I love you, Y/n. I don't understand why you can't see that... Namjoon' places his head in his hands as he starts crying, Y/n started crying wondering herself if she was making the right decision marrying Armand just to be an unhappy trophy wife in the future. I love you so much, I don't want you to marry him but I love you too much to disrespect your wishes and stop you from marrying him. That should be me, jagiya... you know that I don't exactly like him but I know you know what's best for you. So I'll let you go. Your happiness is all I want to see.

Harshly wiping his tears away, he says his goodbye I'll always be here when you need me, you know where to find me. And I'll still welcome you with open arms, as if all of this never happened. I'll wait. I'll always wait for you to come back home. But for now... farewell, baby. Namjoon blows a kiss at the camera before turning it off.

Y/n did go to his room that night complaining that the bed was uncomfortable whuch was true and that it was too cold, that was a white lie to steal a hoodie and he let her willingly. When she asked why his eyes were glassy, he waived it off saying he was really sleepy and tired, and she bought it. Y/n cried harder, muffling her loud sobs with the throw pillow that she was hugging while she was watching their videos.

She didn't cry because she because she knew deep down tonight was the last time she saw Namjoon, but she cried because for the first time since she met Armand, she knew she didn't fully love him.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Bright light greeted Y/n when her mother and the bridesmaids pulled the curtains open letting the sunlight pour in, she spent the whole night crying as she rewatched all of the videos until she fell asleep at past 4am.And it wasn't even 5 hours since she was lulled to sleep.

"Good morning sunshine!!!" her maid of honor and best friend yelled, but stopped in their tracks when they saw her puffy face and reddish eyes "What in the world happened to you? You're not sick are you?!" she exclamed. Y/n shook her head saying that she just couldn't sleep, but the other ladies in the room knew otherwise. However, they decided not to comment on it.

Getting up to bathe, she tried her best to depuff her face specifically her eyes which felt very warm. While her make up was done and most of the swelling went down, Y/n eyes started tearing up and her lips started to quiver making the make-up artist stop to look at her mother and best friends for help, and help they did. Every one was rushed out of the room, once the door was shut Y/n couldn't help but cry harder than she did in the early morning. No words of comfort helped until her dad arrived, "I thought you had a wedding to prepare for, what's going on?" he asked concerned, as he closed the door and made his way to his daughter to pull her in a hug one her best friend asks "Is this about Namjoon?"

Y/n's head shot up as she looked up at her, "W-why would you ask that?" Y/n asks

"I saw him drop you off last night, I'm guessing the dinner didn't go because of the way I woke up past midnight and heard you crying in your room," she holds Y/n hand "When are you both going to stop being idiots?" Y/n mom asks

"Hey," he chuckles at his wife, arms still wrapped around his daughter in a hug "we're still idiots even at this age, the correct question is 'when are they going to stop being blind to what they really feel'."

Y/n stood up and walked towards her laptop bringing it to where her parents were sitting. Playing the videos her parents and best friend's reaction didn't change. Y/n kept her eyes on the floor, thanking God that they had enough time to spare before they did the first look of the bride and groom an hour before the wedding. Y/n parents looked at each other with a knowing look before looking at their daughter who was now quietly letting her tears stain the bathrobe and camisole she was wearing.

"Do you forgive him like he asked?" her mom asks to which she nods

"Do you love him back?" her dad asks to which she nods her head repeatedly and cries some more this time her sobs were heard throughout the room as her parents pull her in for a hug.

Back at the hotel, the rest of the boys were trying to convince Namjoon to get dressed but he just sat on the couch refusing to move, and none of them made an effort to make him stand up , not even Jungkook.

"Come on, man," Hobi says "You have to be there, call it a last glimpse or a last look at her. You'll never see her again after today,"

"I already said goodbye, Hoba," Namjoon said in a low whisper like voice "I don't need to do it in person,"

"Hyung," Jimin started "You told her she can ask questions right, then let her ask today, you might even get a chance to know if she forgave you,"

"Think about it, Namjoon-ah," Jin says as he fixes his neck tie "You'll get to keep the image of her walking down the aisle towards you forever embedded in your memory," Taehyung was able to tell off the eldest for being to mean but Jimin stops him before he could. Jin had a plan, and it was definitely worked the way Namjoon stayed silent before he slowly got up to head back into his room and they heard the shower running.

When they made it to the church, everyone was chatting about how beautiful the wedding was and how they couldn't wait to see the bride and groom. Namjoon sighs heavily for what felt like the hundredth time and it was just the afternoon. Namjoon sat down with the rest of Y/n friends and family, he didn't want to be there, but Jin somehow convinced him to. For an unknown reason, he wanted that. He wanted the image of Y/n walking down the aisle looking like a blooming bride in his memory until his dying breath.

Back in the villa where the first look was about to take place, Armand stood facing a tree covered with sheer golden ribbons and fairy lights reminding him of Christmas ribbons put on trees for decoration. Y/n was in the hallway having a word with one of production staff filming the wedding and the photographer, though her parents managed to get her in the wedding dress she didn't look quite happy as she wanted to be.

"It doesn't feel right," she comments when her mom was right in front of her fixing her dress

Her mom hummed "That's because you've been in love with your best friend and didn't even know it until last night," she smiles "You know the right thing to do, your dad and I raised you well to know what's right and to choose what makes you happy. You're a smart woman, you'll figure it out,"

And now, staring at her fiance's back she knew what to do.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Namjoon was on his third glass of champagne when they announced that the wedding was about to begin. With the glass being snatched away from him by Jimin, who drank it all in one go before returning it to the waiter that walked by.

"That was mine," he slightly glared at Jimin "Well, it's in my stomach now having a party with the hors d'oeuvres," he smiles at him smugly. Namjoon decided to drop the topic trying his best not to get too pissed or he was going to lose his mind and temper.

As soft music starts playing, everyone turns around to watch the entourage except for Namjoon, he stares straight ahead and when the groom finally takes his place their eyes meet. Armand nods at him and Namjoon returns it. When the maid of honor, your best friend was finally done walking the aisle, everine was patiently waiting for Y/n, but the modernized wedding march didn't play making the six members look at each other confused when Jungkook tells them she's at the door of the ceremony area. He even pointed it out, making them turn around discreetly and he was right, ends of your wedding dress was peeking at the foggy glass near the base of the door. It would appear for a second then it would disappear only to appear a few seconds later, Jungkook felt nervous for the groom but a part of him was happy. He knew you were pacing. Biting his lip to stop himself from disrespectfully smirking at the groom, he looks down to close his eyes from anyone seeing his hopefulness, but the other members except for Namjoon knew what he was thinking as the look each other with smiling eyes. Namjoon's farewell and last appearance did more than just evoke emotions that she's buried years ago. It was, at mere moments before her wedding, making her choose what she knew was right.

Behind the closed door, Y/n paced as she thought about what she was going to say. Her dad was relaxed but concerned with her pacing. It was a good ten minutes before she looked at her dad and finally nodded. He didn't know what was going on inside her head but he trusted her and her decisions. He just prayed she had known earlier so they didn't have to worry too much about spending on a wedding like this. Taking her dad's arm, the wedding planner and production team already knew what was about to happen but they weren't too worried.

As the wedding march played, Namjoon and Armand's eyes meet one last time, and Armand mouths something at him that he didn't quite understand, it made Armand chuckle and instead pointed at him mouthing you followed by a thumbs up. Still not understanding he turns around to look at Y/n who was a few feet away from him. The sight of her made him gasp quietly, Jin was right and he was glad he listened. It was worth it to see her in white walking down the aisle and remember it for the rest of his life. She looked beautiful it was painful to look at her, he wanted to tear his eyes away from her gaze, but didn't have the heart to look at the love of his life be a vision in white and ignore it.

Y/n was surprised when she spotted Namjoon standing with the rest of the members and her family. She kept her eyes on him until he turned to look at her and for the first time since she turned away from what she felt for him, she finally realized why she fell in love with him all those years ago. When Y/n finally reached the end the aisle, she and Armand smiled at each other before facing the pastor and before he could even get a eord out Armand beat him to it, "Give us a second please," he whispered which surprised the pastor but none the less respected it, turning to Y/n who was staring in space he gently calls her name making her turn to him slowly. Giving her a kind, small smile and nod he says "Go ahead, I'll take care of everything. You don't need to worry about it. I was the one who dragged you into this in the first place."

Y/n looked up at him with teary eyes, "But..."

"Remember what I said an hour ago?" he asks to which she nods in response "Do it."

Turning around, he faces their guests lightly touching her elbow as a way of letting her know she can go, and when he chuckles and tells her to go without making a second thought she grabs the however many yards of tulle of her wedding dress and runs for the exit.

"And she finally lives her Julia Roberts moment," he shakes his head in disbelief as he laughs while everyone gasps at Y/n's actions.

"Everyone calm down, it's okay," Armand reasures them. The seven boys including Namjoon who felt a chill down his spine looks back and forth between the groom and the door that Y/n just disappeared off to. While the entire guests were speaking amongst each other in loud volumes, Armand makes his way towards Namjoon grinning like a fool, "Go after her," he says making Namjoon stare it him as if he's lost his mind

"What?!" Namjoon says in disbelief that is sounded as if he squeaked "What the fuck are you going on about?"

"Just go. Go find her, you know where. Tell her hiw you really feel," Armand says

"I have no clue what you're talking about, man," he denies

"Stop lying to me and to everyone including yourself, Namjoon," Armand exclaimed with a chuckle "We all know you love her, and she's in love with you,"

"That-... that is not true," Namjoon denies once more "She's supposed to be marrying you,"

"Out of convenience because I needed to get married for my father to pass the business on to me and she knew that from the beginning!" he interrupts Namjoon "We fell in love but I she stayed because she was heartbroken after seeing you with somebody else!" The other six boys who were listening were finding the story entertaining and they listened intently with wide eyes and jaws dropped.

"Y/n has been in love with you even before I met her, she's told me that but when she saw all of you in a club and you were with another girl, she got jealous and told me she doesn't love you anymore. But, brother, I know the look she gives you and the looks you give her when no body else is looking, now go. You know exactly where to find her, "

" Go! " the other members start yelling at him and start pushing him towards the exit

"Hey bro," Y/n best friend yells out "Bring her back here and get married or I'm marrying Jungkook,"

"Hurry back, please," Jungkook whispers at him before pushing him to the exit, all the members behind him. Namjoon's driver was already waiting for him in the car at the valet and as soon as he sits his driver gives him a loud laugh as he drives to the main road yelling "I told you so!" as they sped away, not knowing the other members were all packed up like sardines in a car following them.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

Y/n walked the halls of high school that he and Namjoon attended back when they were teenagers. It was pouring outside and she didn't bring a jacket or change out of her dress when she ran away. The students who saw her asked her if she was okay and why she was crying, explaining that they were tears of joy they waited on the roof of the school's entrance until their parents picked them up. Not being able to enter the school she walked around the building until she reached a nearby gazebo, the exact spot where she and Namjoon first locked eyes and exchanged awkward smiles at each other. The ends of her dress were turning brown with all the rainwater and mud she ran into, she was thankful that even though she was wearing heels they were closed shoes protecting most of her feet from rain.

Sitting on the gazebo bench, she leans down to take off her shoes, massaging her feet as she places both of it on the bench as she sat sideways. She was quite thankful that she was able to grab a taxi that took her halfway to the school with a small amount of money her best friend put in the pockets of her dress. Yes, she had her dress customized to have pockets and she was glad that it came in handy. Gazing out into the football field, she thought about how her body and her mind dragged her there. It was an unconscious thing that she did. Whenever she fought with Namjoon or Armand, or anyone for that matter, they would always find her here sitting on the gazebo. It was what Hobi called a Safe Zone, somewhere no one could get mad or attack her. It was her second safe zone anyway, first being Namjoon, but she stopped running to Namjoon unless she was devastated. He was the only one who was able to comfort her in ways Armand couldn't and he knew that.

That's why when he heard the faint footsteps of Y/n behind her, he had an inkling that the wedding wasn't going to happen from the way he saw her crying as she ran up the stairs and how devastated Namjoon looked as the car drove away. He knew that she finally found out that Namjoon was in love with her and he was okay with that, he accepted it. He even went up to her room hours after she arrived, he was about to knock on the door when he heard a loud sob and her quiet cries. He knew from that moment that the time he feared arrived but he wasn't angry, he was sad not for himself but for the both of them. For a precious friendship possibly broken.

"Armand?" she quietly calls for him making turn around and seeing her in her dress he thought she'd make a beautiful bride but not for him. Shaking her head with tears in her eyes, she starts apologizing to him.To her surprise, Armands steps forward and wraps his arms around her, rubbing her back gently "I know, I know. It's okay," he tries to soothe her "You can cry, it's okay. It's just us." And he let her. For a good few minutes he let her cry, tears staining his suit but he didn't mind.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked when finally got the chance to breathe

"I'm not really sure what to tell you, Y/n, because as much as I want to marry you 'cause I love you and I can't force you to marry me when we both know that you're really in love with him."

"How come every one knows that?"

"Because we've all seen signs but chose to ignore it or shrug it off, simply because of the fact that we're dating. But every one could see right through the two of you, even I did.

"I'm not mad at you for being in love with him while you were with me, I just wished you realized sooner. It would've been less miserable and less painful for you both." he admitted, taking her hand he kisses her knuckles "I accept if you don't want to go through with the wedding anymore, but please do me a favor and walk down the aisle so they wouldn't think you just bailed on the wedding. You can run away right before everyone sits down. Just look around for a bit, you put a lot of hard work planning what you wanted,

"It just so happens that it's with the wrong guy," he smiles "Go be happy, love." he leans forward to kiss her forehead "You deserve happiness with the man you truly love,"

Namjoon asked to be dropped off at Y/n apartment thinking she would be there but tye receptionist mentioned that she didn't see Y/n enter the building making Namjoon runnto his building that was next door to see if she was waiting by his front door only to be disappointed. Walking back to the car he finally spots the car behind his driver and walks up to it, only to find his brothers squeezed in between the two rows of the Starex.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asks eyebrows pulling together

"Did you really think we were going to let run out to look for her on your own?!" Yoongi shot back at him "How in the world were you going to look for her?"

"You went to the most obvious places she would never go" Jin pointed out "She would never go back to her place or yours, it's not a great idea to wind down in a closed off area,"

"Well where do you think she went if you all think you're damned geniuses?" Namjoon exclaimed out of frustration "She's out in the middle of Seoul all alone in a fucking wedding gown and it's raining!"

"Watch your language, Namjoon-ah," Jin said in a stern voice that he rarely uses on his younger brothers "You don't have to be mad at us when all we're trying to do is help," Namjoon immediately backed down not wanting the eldest to be upset with him.

"I just..." he started "I need to find her, she gets sick easily and I don't want her to get hurt, she's out there all alone-"

"You're not kids anymore, Namjoon-ah," Yoongi tells him "She could handle herself, but I know what you mean about her being alonenand needing to find her asap. So start using that brain of yours to think about where she could go, somewhere only the two of you would know.

"There are so many places we went to over the past fifteen years, how am I supposed to remember all of them?" he says in a panic as a thunder rumbles above them

"Do you think she'd go to hyung's parents?" Jimin asks them

"To Ilsan?" Namjoon asks "It's too far away, and she wouldn't go there knowing my parents aren't..." he stops mid-sentence, looking at the road seeing that there wasn't too much traffic ahead, he was mentally calculating time

"What's wrong, hyung?" Taehyung asks him, looking at where he was looking

"Home," Namjoon finally says in a quiet voice "Home. I know where she is," he says in a firmer voice before running back to his car and tells the driver where to go and his brothers follow right behind him.

~~~~~^^~~~~~~~~^^^^

"I swear we're gonna get arrested, Namjoon-ah," Y/n says in a panic holding his hand in a death grip, but he didn't mind. They're both usually paired up together with a senior back in high school because of how clumsy and heavy-handed, but Y/n was naturally clumsier than heavy-handed, that talent was something that Namjoon excelled in. But what they're doing was completely reckless.

"It's not breaking and entering, babe," he teases, Y/n blushed at the endearment hiding her face on his shoulder "The gazebo is outside and the place isn't even gated, it's practically part of the park's property if you follow the invisible line"

"I don't care, out school thinks it theirs I'm not disrespecting their decisions considering the fact that I need to graduate and not get expelled or arrested for trespassing,"

"Let them try," he mutters as they walk nearer to the gazebo

"You're an idiot," she sighs "We both are..."

"Welcome home, baby," he jokes as they step into the gazebo, their surroundings were only lit by the moonlight and a street lamp "The baby's all tucked in bed and fast asleep,"

"Keep joking around like that and you just might have to marry me,"

"Don't dare me," he chuckles "It's gonna be your problem, I'm not Jin hyung or Yoongi hyung. I won't be able to cook for you,"

"Or keep the place clean," you laugh

"Ya!" he exclaimed too loudly making him cover his mouth and Y/n silently laughs "You're lucky you don't live with us,"

"What are you going to do?" she dared "Vacuum the place in the early morning? You must have forgotten that I'm a heavy sleeper,"

"You sleep like Jungkook, nothing can wake you up except for food," he smiles as he comfortably places his arm on the bench behind her. Behind them was a fence that separated the school from the park where there was a couple by the swing set.

"You know we could just get married and not tell anyone," he tries to dare her "The city hall isn't that far all we gotta do is wait for the next available date,"

"You're crazy," she chuckled "Focus on your debut and your dream, not to mention you have to finish school and all. When you're done with all of that, let's talk weddings and marriage, and every thing in between,"

"How about we live together till then?" he proposed "We'll have a little house, maybe two bedrooms one for us, the other for an office and maybe in the future it will turn into a nursery,"

"You're too drunk," she laughs off his offer nit knowing how serious he was "We should have stayed with soju instead of shifting gears to whiskey,"

"I'm serious," he protests eyes wide as he gently places another hand on the table, leaning closer to her "We could get married when I've saved up for a wedding you want once the debut becomes a success,"

"Namjoon-ah," she started "Listen to what you're saying. This isn't a joke, we have our own dreams to make come true. Are you absolutely sure you want to start family before you could even stand on your own two feet? Bangtan's debut is next week and you're thinking about getting married,

"If does become a success, you won't have time for a relationship let alone a family of your own until the dust has settled," she watches Namjoon's reaction as he looks away from her, he knew he should have confessed earlier before Bang PD-nim announced their upcoming debut. But deep down, he knew she was right. However, he was persistent he wanted to be with her before someone else could step in. He had a feeling he was going to lose her once his focus fully shifts to being the leader of Bangtan.

"For now, we can enjoy this friendship," she says smiling as she was rubbing his shoulder, but Namjoon thinks that it was his heart that needed to be in your touch to heal from this rejection "and we could call this little gazebo 'home' if you want. Our 'little home', a place only we know and the only place we can truly be ourselves and be comfortable."

"This gazebo is home if you're here," he partially agrees with her "If you're not here, this is just another gazebo. You're my home, Y/n,"

"Ditto, nerd," she sighs resting her head on the shoulder she was rubbing. Placing a small kiss on his shoulder she whispers "Go win their hearts, Namjoon-ah. I know the seven of you guys are gonna make it big. You have something others don't,"

"Hmm... And what would that be?"

"Passion, patience, determination, one dream and the best part, you have each other." Y/n smiles to herself, "But the biggest flex your team has is that they have you as their leader, it takes a great team to succeed, but a great leader will make a great team succeed be even better,

So, believe me when I say you'll make it big. And I'm gonna be right behind you, watching all of you reach your dreams and live it" she said proudly.

Namjoon let the tears flooding his eyes fall as he kisses the top of her head. He knew that he had to succeed to make her proud, he finally compromised with himself that he should make her proud and come back to her when the right time comes.

"Just don't forget about me, Joonie," she teases "I'll forever be your number one fan,"

"Don't be ridiculous, Y/n-ssi. You're going to be right next to me the whole ride, you gonna be with me all the time. I'll make sure of it."

That early morning, Namjoon walked her back to her dorm before going back home to his dorm. Not completely happy about being rejected by Y/n, but feeling more determined. It was like adding wood to a campfire, add more and the fire becomes bigger, that fire was his determination. Little did he know, she was gonna end up moving om with her life without him as he focused more and more on his job.

"YA! I've been looking everywhere for you," a voice says behind Y/n making her turn around quickly as she snaps out of her thoughts. Namjoon always thought that she never remembered that night because of how drunk she was, but that was the evening that Y/n found out that she had a pretty high tolerance with alcohol that over the years whenever the boys got drunk, Yoongi and Y/n would be the last ones standing. A secret that Yoongi kept, knowing that it would be a useful talent of hers in the future, and, man was he right .

"Do you know how fucking worried I was about you?!" he asks her his tone indicating a hint of anger with the concern laced in his voice "You could get sick with how reckless you are. Can't you see it's pouring and you're in a fucking dress?!" Standing in the rain, Namjoon's chopped blonde hair was wet and so was his dress shirt and coat. Y/n couldn't place the look he had in his face, no doubt he looked worried and mad, but there was something else. Longing, she decided, and hope. Both a very dangerous combination.

"Go home, Namjoon-ah," she says through the the noise of the rain splattering on the roof of the gazebo and the pavement "You don't have to worry about me, I'll just grab a bus home."

"Like hell you are," he scoffed "And I'm not done talking"

Y/n wanted to take her shoes and throw it at him, and she was seconds from doing so. Not like it was the first time she threw a shoe at him.

"What the hell happened?" he asks and she rolled her eyes "Why did you run away from the wedding? People are getting more and more worried about you, you should go back and get dried up. Armand sent me to get you."

"He didn't send you, dad did." Y/n says "Dad was the last person to talk to Armand before I walked down the aisle. So, it's most likely dad.

And don't fucking ask me what happened when you were the one who sent a hard drive filled of videos of you getting trashed," she started fuming "Stop pretending like you didn't say the things you said last night to put me where I am right now, you little piece of shit!" she grabbed her shoe and hurled it at his direction aiming for his head only to surprise her when he ducked to the side and dodged it like a pro making the boys in the car who were watching the entire thing happening with Jungkook and Hobi taking videos, howl at how impressive it was.

"Oooh!," Hobi chuckled "Oh he's gonna be in trouble for dodging that one!" all of them laughed as Jimin asked "We're such bad friends for filming this,"

"Hey, now," Jin said from the passenger seat "At least we came to support him, and we're not just his friends, we're family too,"

"You measly little fucker," Y/N gritted as she threw another one this time the show landed on his muscled bicep "You dare," she threw a bracelet she was wearing "fucking" she struggled with taking the viel from her head before bundling it into a ball and throwing it at him "dodge me. You asshole!" From the car, Hobi snort-laughed as they continued filming "Told you," making Jimin lightly hit his arm as they all chuckled.

"Call me whatever you want, Y/n, if it's going to make you sleep better tonight," Namjoon said to her his tone returning to how he started when he arrived "If it makes you fucking happier do it,"

"Why did you show up?" Y/n demanded as she walked up to him not caring about getting rained on, a part of Namjoon wanted to pull her back in the gazebo but he was frozen at the sight before him, just like how frozen he was in his place when she walked the aisle not less than 2 hours ago, "What made you think you could just show up?! Didn't you say you weren't going to be there? Did you finally muster up the courage to stop being god damned coward? You fucking bastard!" she yelled and cried, she was pushing him away from her over and over again, and Namjoon let her slam her fists on his chest repeatedly, but to his surprise she didn't hit him as hard as he thought she would. Gently grabbing her wrists, he wraps her arms around his torso pulling her close in a hug as he placed a hand behind her head and another one around her back. Y/n stiffened under his touch before she relaxed and quietly sobbed with her face on his coat, soaked in the rain and her tears.

Without any hesitation he places a kiss on the top of her head before gently holding her face with both hands and leaning down just so his lips were near hers, but he didn't move. Instead he waited for her, and when she finally understood why he didn't move and longingly stared at her lips, she did the one thing they've both been waiting for since they fell in love with each other in high school and finally, her lips met his. When Namjoon pulled away, resting his forehead on hers, he whispers to her "I'm never letting you go again. You're not going to get rid me that easily this time around," Y/n giggled as she leans up again for another kiss and Namjoon gladly kissed her back, finally tasting the lips he's been craving for so long.

Back in the car, the boys were giggling and smiling like high schoolers. Jungkook was still filming the entire thing and the audio surely caught all of their side comments and the noises they all made when they finally kissed for the first time.

"Now that," Jin pointed out his window, "Is better than any existing and upcoming dramas on TV,"

"Definitely," Yoongi smiled

"We finally don't have to deal with a grumpy Namjoon hyung," Taehyung sighed happily "Our world is finally at peace"

"You can't say that," Jungkook objected chuckling, "Now they're gonna get married and have kids, hyung. We're ginna have little Namjoons running around the office," Hobi laughed out loud, clapping as he did. Jimin stared at him with wide puppy eyes, "W-wait... But they're both clumsy," he pointed out, then he muttered to himself "that means their kids are gonna be... Aiiishh-"

Opening the window next to Hobi and pushing out most of his upper body out, not caring about the rain he yells out to the couple who we're smiling at each other through their tears that were getting mixed with the rain that was falling on them, "YA! YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING KIDS SOON, YOU IDIOTS!" this time tue other members laughter reached their ears, the car no longer soundproof because of the opened window. Namjoon looked back at his friend and he tightened his arms around Y/n, "I got bad news for you, Jimin-ah," he smiles "You might see them sooner than you think," this time along with the sound of laughter mainly Hobi's due to his reaction to Jimin's wide eyed look at the couple, joined a few sounds of complaints mainly from Yoongi and Jin who knew immediately that they can't say no if the time comes for them to be babysitters for Y/n's kids, but decided to give complaining a try if it means it will buy them time to mentally prepare for mini-me's of the middle child of Bangtan.

Namjoon ignores the other members and turns back around to the gazebo walking towards it with his hand still holding Y/n as they sit.

"You ruined my wedding," she muttered lamely while they were seated inside the gazebo, arms still around each other.

"We'll have a better one," he promised her "that's if you want one. I mean it, what I said; I'm not letting you go again. It was the biggest mistake I made, I'm not going to make that mistake again."

"A wedding with you? And if I don't want to be with you?" she says almost in a daring manner, her chin resting on his chest as she looks up at his face

"Move in with me or start a family with me, either way, be with me; be mine and I'll be yours" He says, and at that moment Y/n recalls the early morning they got drunk and how he called the gazebo their home "I just want to be with you, that's all I want. Stay with me, please" Y/n watched Namjoon's every move and if back then he was recklessly discussing marriage with her with no clue about what the future holds for them both. Now, he knows exactly what he wants and it's to marry her, spend his life with her.

After a beat, she smiles and pulls him in to press a kiss on his cheek.

"Is that a yes?"

"Only one way to find out, Namjoon-ah" she grinned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Epilogue anyone?🤣) Thank you for reading, please leave you feedback in the comments or send me an ask and please reblog if you enjoyed it.

Permanent taglist (always open) :

@lovergirl1316 @buttvi @borahae-reads @lemonadecandycandy @misshale21 @damn-u-min-yoongi @tattoomom11 @chimchimmarie @katskeigo

[crsinclair]

so here's the scoop

Actually before that, I wanna say that I've participated in the Erasermic Omegaverses Zine this year, can't remember if I yelled about that on here? I was a fic writer for that - if you like Erasermic and like ABO, here's the link to the collection on Ao3! Mind the tags on the individual fics, please! ANYWAY. I've had. A fucking. Time. Kinda a rant and also an explanation for why I've been absent and also why I linked my kofi at the bottom of this. A lot of shit happened!🙃 This summer, my Papa passed away. I loved him. I really did. He was funny, kind, and he took shit from absolutely no one. If it hadn't been him I would have said I wasn't going to go help out and I was just going to go to the funeral. But it was him, so I told my friends that I was going back to the city, and I was going to help settle everything, pack his things, etc, because I loved him. I should have stayed home. First of all, my family treated me like free labor and like shit while I was there to help out. Second of all, I got into a car accident on the way to the funeral and the guy who hit me tried to intimidate me into not calling the police before driving off - and yes, I was injured. Third, my family "expressed concern" over my injury and then proceeded to have me write the obituary, decorate the funeral room alone, and asked me to be a pallbearer while injured. I could go into so much more detail but I'll spare you the horror of My Family™️. I'm honestly surprised I made it home without collapsing. AND ON THAT NOTE: A week later, I did collapse. Dramatically, and with flair. I was recovering from both whiplash, grief, and having to spend time with My Family™️ and over at my friend's grandmother's house when suddenly I didn't feel well. I stood up to splash some water on my face, got into the restroom, realized, "Hm, this is more serious than Not Feeling Well, I should tell someone Right Fucking Now," wobbled back into the other room, told the grandmother that something was wrong, and then proceeded to collapse to the ground and have a heart attack. After that, my heart rate would not calm the fuck down and I had wild heart palpitations for the next seven hours! Yes, I went to the hospital. I have been to the hospital twice more after that, had several more doctor appointments, have had several tests done (including a Tilt Table test, which 0/10, do not recommend), and there's plenty more that I could talk about (like the Tilt Table test, though I might just make a TikTok account for just to rant about that akdhfa it's both not funny and FUNNY), but what it all boils down to is this: I have a very, very severe case POTS all of a sudden and my doctor is still trying to figure out what the hell caused it. Currently I'm trying for disability benefits because I legitimately cannot work - my sleep schedule is fucked, my energy levels are all over the place, I can't stand for long at all without fainting and I can't sit for varying length of time without the same. I hate to even do this, but I'm a broke bitch who has medical bills for tests and operations (god I have one in just a few days and I am NOT looking forward to it) that I can't pay for because I don't have insurance, so: Here's my kofi page if you'd like to buy me a coffee or help me not stress about the multiple doctors visits I have every month!

I do have, like, actual things I want to talk about other than "Oh this is what I've been up to - BEING SICK" - like the cute EMic fics I have in the works, the Cheeky Brat fic I've been working on and haven't been talking about on here because it's 🤭 e x p l i c i t (teehee) and even my DnD shit that is mostly entirely self indulgent but I don't care I'm going to shove it in your faces anyway.

Anyways, that's what I've been up to. I've posted about a good portion of this on Twitter, so I know some of you guys know about this, but I wanted to give Tumblr a heads up that I am bed ridden and Doing My Best.😫

[dottores]

CRIES ITS OKAY IF YOU TAKE LONG TO RESPOND TO ME I KNOW I WRITE A LOT I'M TYNA SPOIL YOU AND ABSOLUTELY I WRITE THE SANZU FICS FOR YOU TO SELF SHIP SO <333

MORE SANZU HCs BECAUSE I LUV U MWAH MWAH but the childhood friends to lovers trope teehee

childhoodfriend!sanzu who might've fallen a little bit in love when you approach him when he's alone at the park and tell him how pretty he is, even while his scars are healing

childhoodfriend!sanzu who follows you around like a lost puppy after that, even transferring schools

childhoodfriend!sanzu who watches as you tell the people who gossip behind his back about how he looks to fuck off and that he's prettier than they'll ever be (he tears up a little and refuses to let go of your hand for the rest of the day and he decides then that you will be best friends forever)

bestfriend!sanzu who goes to the same middle school as you and watches as you grow, but also notices other boys watching you grow and hates when they leer at you behind your back, so he might pick a fight or two (also so you can fuss at his wounds later)

bestfriend!sanzu who gets his schedule changed to match yours, and is actually really smart so he catches up easily (the only reason he was in the regular classes was because he never tried but he'll try if it's for you)

bestfriend!sanzu who gets so irrationally angry when you agree to take another boy to the dance and doesn't talk to you for the rest of the day, but when he catches you crying about it he apologizes and bashfully admits that he wanted to go with you to which you admit that you wanted to go with him too

bestfriend!sanzu who becomes boyfriend!sanzu when you childishly declare that you're getting married and you'd never want anyone else anyways

boyfriend!sanzu who scares off any gross high school boys that think they can get near you by just standing menacingly behind you

boyfriend!sanzu who will sneak into your window in the middle of the night just to pout and whine about the fact that you didn't give him a goodbye kiss when he dropped you off at home earlier

boyfriend!sanzu who walks you to every class and will even leave his class early to get to yours before it ends to make sure he's on time for you (what teacher is dumb enough to think they can stop him???)

boyfriend!sanzu who proposes to you right after high school graduation, to which everyone says you're both insane but you wouldn't have it any other way <3

fiance!sanzu who waits until you're finished with schooling to properly marry you because he can wait forever and he wants you to prioritize your career first

fiance!sanzu who picks you up from work one day, but when you hear your co-workers gossip about the man in the expensive suit and maserati who's rumored to be in bonten, you decide that that job isn't for you anymore because who were they to judge? (when he asks later you just tell him that it wasn't the right fit and you have to pinky swear because he was about to go in and threaten some people)

fiance!sanzu who's more into wedding planning than you are, but realizes one day that all he wants is you, so he plans a small wedding with all of your important people and host it in your penthouse (this may or may not have been the first time bonten!mikey has ever been caught smiling and it's sure as hell going to be the last, but you're both just happy you got to witness it)

fiance!sanzu who tells you how pretty you are at the stand, which may sound insignificant to everyone else but you recall your first words to him and immediately burst into tears and he starts panicking

fiance!sanzu who promises that he will build you the life you want, no matter what the cost is

I love you sm and you deserve all the kithes and sanzu love <333

i’m so mentally and physically ill over this it’s not even funny, i was literally punching the bed on the verge of tears haruchiyo just following me around like a lost puppy i’m crying so hard, kids are so mean they would have been so mean to him at school cuz of his scars i just wanna pick him up n hug him i’m so upset AND HIM THROWING A TANTRUM OVER ME GOING TO DANCE W SOMEONE ELSE IM SO ILL HE SO WOULD IM GONNA THROE UP HE WOUKD BE SO MAD AND UPSET AND MOSTLY CUZ HE COULDNT GATHER THE NERVES TO ASK ME HIMSELF BEFORR SOMEONE ELSE DID i’m so ill sneaking into my bedroom for a goodnivht kiss and walking me to and from class and proposing after graduation my heart hurts so bad i want him so bad i’m so upset

[pjsk-tts-transcripts]

Chapter 4. Saki's room, daytime. Saki: Teehee♪ Hehe♪ Which one should I wear? Tsukasa knocks on the door. Tsukasa: Saki, can I come in? Saki: Sure♪ Tsukasa: I just wanted to ask… Whoa, why are your clothes all over the place? Are you going to start a fashion show? Saki: No, I'm just picking out what to wear for a date. Tsukasa: A…date?! D-D-Date?! I shouldn't be so shocked… You're not a little girl any more. Whatever you choose, you have my full support. Follow your heart! Saki: What? Tsukasa, why are you giving me a dad speech? Besides, it's just a date with my girlfriends! Tsukasa: Ah, you're just going out with your bandmates? Saki: So, you wanted to ask me something? Tsukasa: Yes, about your plans for the next weekend. Our parents are going to be away on a trip. I'm doing a show then, so I won't be home either. I was worried about leaving you home alone, in case something happened. Saki: Well, you don't have to worry, because I'm going out with my bandmates on Saturday. Tsukasa: Great, so you'll have company. Saki: And anyway, you worry too much! The doctor said I was fine. Tsukasa: Well, yes but… Saki: I am fine! You can go out and enjoy your weekend without being so concerned about me. Tsukasa: Okay, if you're sure. Just… Remember to look both ways before you cross the road! Saki: I will! The door creaks as Tsukasa leaves. Saki: Tsukasa is such a worrywart. Hmm… It would be terrible if I did end up feeling unwell on the day of our outing, though. As much as I enjoy the sports club and my job, I should take it easy. I'll go to bed early today.

Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy - the courtyard. The sun is setting, casting the pavilion and trees with warm light. Soft Tennis Captain: Okay, team. Time to go home! Saki: See you later! Honami: Hi, Saki. Did you have soft tennis? Saki: Yeah. And you had home ec club? Let's walk home together! Honami: Sure!

Miyamasuzaka. A wide brick sidewalk next to a street, lined with shops and trees. Saki: So in the end, I decided I'll wear the shorts I bought the other day, and I'll pair them with… Honami: Huh? Your face looks really flushed. Saki: What? Really? I don't feel like I'm running a fever. Maybe I applied too much blush? Honami: I don't think that's it... Just to be safe, maybe you should check your temperature when you get back home. Saki: Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks. I'm sure it's nothing, though! My base temperature's naturally a little higher than average. (What if I do have a fever? I've been feeling kind of spacey, now that I think about it. No matter. A good night's sleep will make it go away.)

Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy - Class 1-C. Saki: Oof... (Hona was right, I had a temperature. I better head back home early and make sure I get plenty of rest.) Saki gets a notification on her phone. Saki: Hmm? It's from my boss? Can anyone cover these shifts? I thought the next month's schedule wouldn't be up for a while. Why are they already looking to cover shifts? "Ms. Yamada's kid has caught the flu, and she had to urgently take a week off from work." Whaaat?! "Please let me know ASAP if you can take any of her shifts." It looks like they're struggling with finding someone to cover Saturday, but that's the day we're going to the observatory. Well, I'm busy on that day... Saki's phone buzzes. H-Hello, it's Saki speaking. Manager: I'm sorry about the sudden call. Have you seen my message? Ms. Yamada's not coming in this week. Could you cover her shift on Saturday? Saki: I'm sorry, but I can't do Saturday... Manager: What about today? I've got someone who can take the Saturday shift if you can swap with them today. Saki: Um... (I'll probably be okay if I make sure to pace myself. They really need my help.) Saki: Yes, I think I can make it today! Manager: Really?! Thank you! You're a life-saver! Saki: I'll head over now! Ichika: Hey, Saki. You don't have your sports club today, right? Are you going home now? Saki: Sorry, Ichi! I have to cover someone's shift at the cafe. I've got to run, or I won't make it. Bye! Ichika: Oh, okay... The door slides open as Saki walks out.

Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy - the hallway. Saki: I have to hurry! Saki's footsteps echo in the hallway. Shiho: Saki? Where was she running off to? I'll have to remind her again to take it easy.

Scramble Crossing. An intersection in an urban area. Saki: Sigh... I really have no luck today. Why did it have to be so busy at work? It feels like my temperature's gotten a little higher, too... Maybe I should cancel band practice tomorrow... Saki thinks back to her conversation with Shiho: There's one condition, though. Don't start slacking off with band practice because of this trip. If I see you start to get lazy, I'm out. Got it? Saki: If I don't go, our day trip to the observatory may be canceled, too... I have to buckle down and somehow make it to Saturday.

Stella After the Rain: Episode 1

Set in a hospital room. There are 2 beds, each with a curtain and a personal side-table with TV. One of the beds is next to a large window, and outside it is dark and raining.

Saki wakes up. "Ngh… Huh? I didn't realize I fell asleep. Ugh, my neck hurts. I must have slept in a weird position. It's raining again. I'm fed up with rain. I hope the weather's nice when my family comes to visit." Saki pauses. "If it doesn't clear up, I won't see the stars tonight, either."

Image description: The 4 star "Rainy Distance" Saki card. Saki sitting up in a hospital bed, staring at her reflection in the dark window.

Saki. "I wonder how everyone's doing. Are they having fun with their classmates? I…miss them so much."

Set in Saki's bedroom. She has orange and pink walls, with floor to ceiling windows next to her bed. She has an end table, a desk, bookshelf, and a vanity. She has photos above her desk and bed, and stars dotted along her ceiling. On the floor, she has a pink, purple, blue and yellow area rug made of circles.

Saki: "Ngh… Wait a second… This isn't a hospital bed…" "Oh, that's right. I'm not ill anymore. I can see everyone again."

There's a knock at her door, and Tsukasa calls in. "Saki! Are you not ready yet? It's good to take care getting ready for the day, but if you take too long, you'll be late!" Saki: What? It's morning? Wh-What time is it?! Oh no… I overslept!

Set in Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy - Class 1-C. The room is filled with wooden desks, and has white walls with large floor to ceiling windows on one side. There is a chalkboard and desk at the front of the room. Saki: Huff… Huff… I… I made it… That was close. If Tsukasa didn't wake me up, I'd definitely be late for classes.

Ichika: Morning, Saki. Glad you made it. You're not the type to oversleep in the mornings, so I was surprised when you messaged me. Did you stay up late?

Saki: No, but I guess I was so caught up in my dream I couldn't wake up. Ichika: What sort of dream? Saki: Well… It was, um… Classmate: Guys, the teacher's coming. Saki: Ah, thanks for the warning! Come on, Ichi! We should return to our seats! Ichika: Yeah, right. Saki: (She'd feel bad if I told her I was dreaming about when I was in the hospital. The hospital was too far for her to visit me often, and she seemed to feel guilty because of that. I don't want to cause my friends any more worries now that I've gotten better. Let's make the most of this day!)

Saki and Ichika start talking after the school bell rings, ending the day's classes.

Saki: Yay, time to close the textbooks and head off to practice! Ichika: Yeah. You're really hyped today, Saki. Saki: I guess so! I almost started the day on the wrong foot, but it's all good now! Besides, today we have a date you-know-where! Ichika: That's right. It's been a while since we last went. I'm looking forward to it too.

They move out to the hallway. The hall has wide windows on one side, with doors and windows into each classroom on the other. The floor is shiny, yellow tile.

Honami: Hi Saki. Hi Ichika. Saki: Honami! It's been a long day at school, huh? Lemme give you a hug! Saki tackles Honami. Honami: Aaah! Careful, Saki. You almost made me fall over! Shiho: Don't cause a scene in the corridor. Saki: Shiho! Don't you worry, I've got a hug for you too! Ugh! Shiho pinches Saki. Shiho: I asked you to cut it out. We've got important plans today, so let's find somewhere out of public sight. Shiho pinches Saki again. Honami: Shiho, maybe you shouldn't be pinching Saki's cheeks. Her face is looking hilarious though… Hehe. Ichika: Haha! Saki, you should see yourself! Saki: I pwomise I won't twy to hug you anymowe, fo let go of my sheeks!

The girls make their way out to the courtyard. It is bright, with manicured trees and flowers. There is a circular bench around a central tree. Ichika: Looks like no one's around. Are you all ready? Saki: Yeah! Ichika: Okay… Here we go!

Set in the School Sekai. The Sekai looks like a classroom, with a chalkboard at the front, and windows on the side. The windows are open, letting in bright light, and the desks and chairs are stacked and pushed to the corners and front, creating an open space. The chalkboard is covered with a handdrawn star chart.

Miku: Welcome back! Luka: Hehe. We've been waiting for you. Saki: Miku! Luka! Thanks for having us! Miku: Always happy to. I see you're full of pep as always, Saki. Ichika: And yet, this morning she almost turned up late for classes. I was surprised. Shiho: What, really? That's unusual for Saki. Honami: You're always at school so early. What happened this time? Saki: Heehee… I fell asleep again right after waking up. Shiho: Okay, that checks out. Saki: Enough about that. I can't wait to show the fruits of our hard work to Miku and Luka! Ichika: Okay, let's get ready to play. Honami and Shiho: Yeah! Saki: (That dream made me break a cold sweat, but I'm fine now. I'm no longer all alone. I'm with my friends. I have to make up for lost time!)

[keyboard-smashed]

The Storm That's Brewing

Summary: they just kinda speak

Warnings: mention of snek

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Chapter 4- The Day Gets Longer

“You’re afraid of snakes.” Virgil said when they got home, flopping onto the leather couch that he hated peeling himself off of. Seriously, why did Roman have to bring a leather couch? Who even owned spare black leather couches?

Across the apartment, Patton was quietly chatting with Logan about their experience at the vet.

“What? I most certainly am not. What ever gave you that idea?” Roman spluttered.

“Its okay if you’re afraid of snakes, Roman.” Virgil said.

“Sure it is, but I’m not. So...” Roman replied, unconvincingly.

“Hey Pat,” Virgil sing-songed, smiling mischievously at Roman, “Can you bring Raman over here?”

Patton looked at Logan, and the pair walked- well Logan walked, Patton pretty much skipped- to meet their other roommates in the lounge.

“Raman?” Patton asked.

The thing with animals is, usually they don’t have names. It’s a very human thing. Some more advanced species, did in fact use names when speaking to each other, like dolphins used unique whistles to identify each other, but Patton was the only one that could pronounce them (Patton could do a very good dolphin whistle, as everyone found out when Patton and Virgil last went to the zoo, that was a very stressful day). So, the first thing Patton did with animals that would be sticking around- like Margaret or Michael or the hundreds others that Patton somehow remembered- was find a suitable name for them that humans could pronounce too.

The animals liked it most of the time. Virgil prayed this was one of those times. The snake wouldn’t bite him with Patton around, surely, anyway. But what if Patton hated it too?

Virgil shrugged, as best as he could while lying down, “Dunno, seemed pretty fitting, ‘cause he looks like a noodle.” And it will drive Roman insane, Virgil thought.

“Aw, I love it!” Patton clapped, Raman looked annoyed at the sound.

Logan sighed sadly, “I don’t think it is wise to get attached to this snake- you said we must take him to the shelter in a week.”

Patton’s face fell, “Well, the shelter said we should but what if-”

“We cannot have pets in the apartment, Patton. Plus we have already spent a lot of money on it-“ Everybody avoided eye contact with Logan, “-and I do not think that you will very happy with the snake’s feeding habits.”

“What do snakes eat...?” Patton frowned.

Logan opened his mouth to answer but Virgil spoke first, “It doesn’t matter Pat. Anyway I was wondering if I could hold Raman?”

Roman glared at Virgil. Patton, on the other hand, seemed delighted, “Of course! I’m sure you two will get along great.”

The snake hissed something. Virgil’s nerves shot up. Patton wouldn’t reply, right? Right. Patton simply nodded subtly and handed the snake over to Virgil, who sat up and offered his arm.

The snake happily (as far as Virgil could tell) coiled around his arm.

Patton leaned in close and whispered quietly to Virgil, “He likes his name.” Virgil smiled softly, then made eye contact with the snake. They regarded each other curiously, but neither attacked, so they were both content.

Their calm moment ended quickly when an idea struck Patton, “Since we’re all here, why don’t we watch a film or something?”

Virgil nodded and adjusted himself so that Roman could sit on his left, next to Raman. Virgil looked innocently up at Roman. He eyed the snake cautiously.

“Sorry Pat, I’ve got to leave for work.” He lied, only checking his phone for the time afterwards. 7:30. He didn’t actually need to leave for another hour, maybe he could go to a coffee shop or something.

Logan fidgeted, “You don’t have to be at work for another ninety minutes.” He stated.

Virgil looked quizzically at Logan. Logan even looked surprised himself. Honestly, not even Virgil knew Roman’s schedule. Perhaps, Virgil considered, Roman’s spy theory had some credit after all. He quickly waved the ridiculous idea out of his head before he could start panicking about what a spy could learn while living with them.

Roman laughed nervously, “Yeah, sometimes I come in early to help set up.”

“Lie.” Logan said. His eyes widened and he brought his hand to his mouth- not quite covering it, but looking like he wanted to. Virgil wondered what was up with Logan today.

Roman looked extremely uncomfortable, “Yeah, uh, well there’s never a bad time to start?” He said, his statement more of a question than anything else.

Everybody visibly relaxed when Patton chimed in, “Oh I think that’s a lovely idea, Roman,” He said, “We could help if you’d like? Or we could just watch you perform. From what I’ve heard around the house, you’re great.”

Roman didn’t particularly want to go and help set up, but flattery sure was the way to his heart, “Sure Pat. Hey, I might even be able to get you guys a discount. My boss is pretty cool.”

“Great! Logan, Virgil?” Patton asked.

“I can’t think of a reason why not.” Logan replied.

Virgil’s day had already been stupidly long and tiring: he’d opened up the shop at nine, then walked all the way to three, then the whole thing with the snake and the vet... Still, he didn’t want to be rude. Well, not properly a rude- a little teasing should be fine he reckoned.

“Listening to Roman sing for a whole three hours? I don’t know if I can deal with it for that long. I already hear the whole show through my wall.” He teased.

"Hey! I'm great! And plus, I only have to sing so loud to compete with your emo music. You know MyChemicalRomance broke up right?" Roman argued.

Virgil pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, "Don't remind me."

Logan coughed in the clear 'Are you two done yet?' way that he did very often. It probably wasn't very good for his throat.

"...But yeah. Okay, fine I'll come." Virgil said, sparing Logan's throat any further pain. He stood up, ready to leave, then remembered the snake on his arm, "Uh... What about Raman?"

Roman took a step back, "He absolutely cannot come to the restaurant."

"Yeah, someone might mistake him for an actual noodle and eat him." Virgil joked.

Patton looked horrified.

"I'm sure he can stay alone in the apartment for a few hours. He may stay in my room as it is the least hazardous, and I will leave the space heater on a low setting so that he is warm but there is low risk of fire." Logan stuck a hand out to take the snake, who simply stated at him. He didn't move until Patton reassured him (in English) that it was fine.

Logan carefully placed the injured snake on his bed, and placed the space heater- as promised- nearby. The snake quickly settled near his pillows (close to the heater). Content with this, Logan left the room, closing the door behind him.

During his short trip to his room, Roman and Virgil had left for the car. Patton waited behind, apartment keys and Logan's favourite Milford coat in hand. Logan loved the coat as it made him feel like his favourite book character: Sherlock Holmes. Patton, who was rather short with dirty blond hair, looked rather like Watson too.

Watson offered Sherlock his coat, which he graciously accepted; despite the trip to and from the car being short, it was still very chilly. Logan assumed it was for that reason that Patton took Logan's hand once they stepped out into the brisk evening air.

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Taglist: teehee

Chapter 1:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 5:

[novakidds]

I don’t feel particularly strongly about whether or not you end up taking T, but I am curious looking in as someone who once had dysphoria and now no longer experiences it. I hope this doesn’t come off as combative! Mostly, I’m wondering - if you claim that you don’t see T as some ‘magic cure’ to get you to be perceived exactly how you fantasize, what’s the point in taking it? How do you know this won’t send you down a rabbit hole of waiting for the ‘next’ step that will finally make you ‘you’?

this isn't combative, no worries! :] if i didn't want to have this discussion, i wouldn't have posted it. this is a good question.

i know the specific side effects that testosterone is pretty much guaranteed to give a patient, and i want them. (hair growth, deepening of the voice, potentially muscle mass as well)

the reason that testosterone is the route instead of minoxidil or vocal training, is that while i'm not despairing over my body, my goals for how i present and operate are beyond what my default female body is capable of, even with an idyllic routine of applying, exercising, etc.

now, what safeguards are in place so that testosterone is enough?

body neutrality. i'm not despairing, as i said. double mastectomies & hysterectomies are very unnecessary, permanent procedures, (not to allege T effects are easily reversed) and the healthiest thing to do is make peace with your body in its natural state before altering it in literally any way. it saves a lot of heartache, and a lot of money. that's the philosophy i had for something as mild as a new piercing, to a sliding scale of a large tattoo up to....... synthetic hormones lolol

i am being VERY conscious in my actions, i will never allow anything that is done with my body to be a "teehee i just wasn't thinking about it much life happens" thing. it took too much work for me to be present in these bones and fucked up joints for me to act like those sorts of transitioners who are like "oopsies i scheduled a top surgery"