#scared to reblog anything for some reason so. you get my actual thoughts for once lol

[igoto-bed]

forgot how awful tumblr when you first join is

[lottesreads]

Why Me? - Part 12

Pairing: Bob Floyd x Mitchell! Female Reader (Callsign Mantis)

Warnings: Forbidden relationship, some angst, mentions of nightmares, mentions of PTSD, swearing, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, therapy (we love), mentions of death/being sick, mentions of limb loss (it'll all make sense),

Word Count: 9500

Summary: Everyone prepares for the storm, and you're left with a lot to think about as some forgotten feelings come back.

A/N: Hiiii guys, I am so sorry this took SO LONG. For some reason it was so hard to write and school started so ya know how that goes. But hopefully this makes up for it?? I love all of you and as always I hope you enjoy. Reblogs and comments feed my life force just btw

p.s. you know I love to hear what you think, so fire away

Masterlist

Bob knows he messed up. He knows that, and as much as he wishes he never put you in this situation to begin with, he can’t undo what he said. Things have just gone completely downhill since he told you how he felt and it just…. feels like it’s all his fault. You’re quiet, secluding yourself, and almost scared at work now. But there’s not much he can do if you refuse to open up to him. He can’t help but worry for you, but it’s up to you now. If you want to talk to him, great. If not, he just hopes you talk to someone else.

The wind has slowly been gaining speed since early this morning when he took Sylvia out for a run. It was his last chance to get her out of the house before the shit hit the fan and he wasn’t gonna keep her cooped up anymore than she had to be. He’s been in a daze since yesterday. Can’t quite seem to focus on anything he puts before him, including the several garden gnomes and pieces of porch furniture belonging to his neighbors.

“You sure all of this will fit in the garage?”, he asks while carrying a chair down from the front steps.

“Oh I’m sure”, Rich replies. His eyes have been more focused on placing their gnome collection inside the house, but he’s been making room for everything else in the garage. He’s skeptical as he eyes the rest of the room, they’ve still got to fit their cars inside, too. He’s sure if he moved a couple of those storage bins to a higher shelf he’d be able to-

“You’ve already done enough for us, why don’t you come inside for some sweet tea, huh?”

“I’m ok”, he tries to brush him off.

“I’m not taking no for an answer Bob”, Rich offers with a raise of his thick eyebrow. Bob gives in, like he does most of the time with these two, and follows Rich inside. Harry sits at the table as he wraps up the rest of their pointy-hat clad lawn ornaments, but pauses at the sight of his husband.

“How’s everything going out there?”

“We’re just about done”, Rich responds from behind the fridge door, “I thought we deserved a water break.” Bob laughs to himself, he really hasn’t done much except move a couple pieces of furniture. He probably could have been finished by now if they didn’t keep offering him water or tea.

“Oh that reminds me”, Harry turns to his husband, “We need to bring the hose from the side of the house in. I forgot when I finished watering the garden yesterday.” Bob isn’t able to take one step in the direction of the door before Rich urges him into the seat across from Harry.

“Don’t you worry about that one young man, I got it.”

“It’s really no trouble-”

“I insist, you take a seat and drink your tea. You can take a turn listening to Harry complain for once.” Rich slides a glass of sweet tea in front of Bob before patting Harry on the shoulder and stepping outside.

“I just wish I could help you boys more”, Harry starts. “But ya know the leg starts acting up whenever a storm is coming.” He emphasizes his point by tapping his metal prosthetic onto the side of the table, shaking it the slightest bit. Bob’s never sure if he’s talking about the actual prosthetic hurting, or what’s left of his leg, but at this point he’s too scared to ask. All he knows is that whenever he gets a call from Harry early in the morning, there’s bound to be a storm before the day’s over. This time however, he got his weather from the news, like a normal person.

“So-”, Harry starts as Bob takes a swig from his glass, “Are we going to be seeing Miss Mitchell anytime soon?” The sweet tea halts in Bob’s throat, sliding down the wrong tube and causing him to choke on the beverage. He does his best to not drop the glass onto the table in order to stop himself from spraying the drink everywhere, but Harry looks like he could care less as his brow raises. Bob clearly was not expecting him to bring you up, and Harry’s squint gives into the fact he’s happy to catch him off guard.

“I’d make an assumption, but I’m not quite sure how to make one out of that kind of reaction.” Bob continues trying to clear his throat by coughing, but Harry waits.

“No”, he chokes, “She uh- she won’t be coming by anytime.” Harry hums to himself as he turns back to the bubble wrap.

“That’s too bad. She was quick, I liked her.” Me too, Bob thinks to himself. He just gives him a slight frown at the news. “Seemed like you were pretty fond of her, too.” Bob’s cheeks heat up at his insinuation, and he tries to make a run for it.

“Ok! I should probably go help-”

“Sit back down”, Harry groans. Bob begrudgingly does as the man says as he begins to toy with the condensation forming on his glass. “All I’m saying is, you both obviously like each other. What gives?” All he can do is shake his head at the thought. There’s too much, but maybe he’ll understand.

“There’s just a lot of other stuff involved.”

“Oh yeah, like what?”

“Well, for starters her title isn’t ‘Miss’... it’s Lieutenant.” Bob’s gaze flicks over to watch Harry’s eyes widen in realization.

“Shit. Is she a WSO, too?”

“Nah, she’s a pilot”, he smiles, “A damn good one.” Harry chuckles as he crosses his arms.

“I shoulda known.” Bob furrows his brows, silently asking him to explain. “She just had this look in her eye…Can’t really explain it.” Bob knows the one. The silent determination he sees whenever you climb into the cockpit. No matter what happens on the ground, once you ascend that ladder… you’re focused. And no one can take that away from you.

“So that’s it then? You're just gonna let her go?” Harry probes as Bob shakes his head. He focuses on a grain of wood in the table, avoiding the man’s gaze.

“It’s against strict rules”, Bob shrugs, “I don’t want to be the reason she gets into trouble. It’s better if we just leave it.”

“Is it?” Bob grabs his glass of sweet tea and takes a sip before Harry leans forward in his seat, “If I know anything about you Bob, it’s that you’ve got a level head on those shoulders. And from what I can tell about Lieutenant Mitchell, it’s that she does, too. But you can’t forget underneath all of that, you have hearts. You can’t leave that out of the equation.” Bob stills as he taps his finger on the rim of his glass. Yeah, Bob has a heart, but you do, too. And who knows if deep down this is what you really want? If he’s what you really want.

His thoughts are interrupted by Harry once again, this time as he finishes wrapping up the last gnome.

“Mitchell, huh?” Bob mindlessly nods. “You don’t happen to know if she’s got any family who served, do ya?”

“Yeah, actually. Her dad just happens to be our captain. Pete Mitchell-”

“Maverick?!”, Harry all but yells. “That cocky motherfucker’s still in service?” The front door slams shut as Rich makes his way back inside.

“What cocky motherfucker are we talking about?”, he asks as if this is a normal topic of conversation for the two of them.

“Pete Mitchell”, Harry tells him as he stares at Bob in awe.

“Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a long time”, Rich replies as he grabs himself and Harry their own drinks. Bob pivots in his seat as Rich brings both glasses to the counter, eyes wide in shock. “Don’t tell me-” He’s obviously already made the connection as Harry nods at him. He simply shrugs and continues to pour their drinks, brushing off the fact that Harry seems to be stuck on. Something he thought Rich of all people would want to talk about.

“Did you fly with him?” Bob directs the question at Harry. He rolls his eyes.

“For a very brief time. He’s a few years younger than me, but always acted like he was the best of the best. Didn’t even win the goddamn Top Gun trophy.”

“Well”, Rich chimes in as he sets the glass in front of Harry, “That wasn’t entirely his fault.” Bob’s eyes unintentionally squint as he tries to think back on what he actually knows about your dad. There’s very limited information he sought after Hangman revealed he flew with Rooster’s dad, and- then it hits him.

“Wait”, he stops the two men, “Were you guys here when they had the accident?”

“I wasn’t”, Harry responds, “But Rich was. He was actually one of the-” Rich’s hand claps down on his husband’s shoulder, effectively stopping him from finishing the story. He grants Bob a forced smile.

“I was. It was a… a very sad day.” Rich keeps moving, leaving his glass of tea untouched as he moves the box of packed up gnomes to the living room. Bob leaves it at that. If there was more to the story he wouldn’t want to probe where he’s not welcome to.

After helping move the small outdoor coffee table into the garage, he insists on parking their cars himself. Just to make sure he did leave enough room for everything to fit. And with his many years experience with Tetris, he’s able to pack anything that the wind might sweep away into safe hiding spaces for the night.

-----------------------

If the puffy eyes that greet you in the mirror are any indication that you’d been crying, the wad of tissues scattered around your trash can would certainly do the trick. It was an ugly cry, one that you realized was futile to resist against the snot dripping down your nose. You’d cried more in the past couple months than you had in the past five years. Not to mention you haven’t cried to the point where you kept a roll of toilet paper to use as tissues next to your bed since you were a teenager. But even then you had mastered to cry in silence, to not alert anyone or “bother” someone with the noise of your anguish.

It wasn’t a question that was the reason for your headache. You even forgot you got hit in the face until you tried wiping the sleep from your eyes, only to pull your hand away as soon as it brushed near the red and purple bruise.

“Son of a bitch”, you muttered as you made your way to the bathroom. The wind howls outside your room as you splash your face with cold water, hoping to reduce the swelling before inevitably seeing your father. Gently, you wipe your face with a towel, taking a good hard look at the aftermath from the night before. You huff out a breath before tearing your gaze away from the mirror, gathering the tissues you’d thrown half-heartedly in the direction of the trash can the night before.

Your father is already up and moving as you descend the stairs. Granted, you did allow yourself to sleep in today. He’s sitting on the couch, slipping his shoes on when you make eye contact. He immediately smiles with a grimace upon seeing your face.

“Hey sweetheart”, he greets you, “How you feeling this morning?” You simply scoff and turn to the kitchen. The coffee machine is still warm, your dad already having at least his second cup of the day.

“Like I got hit in the face”, you respond. The machine hums while you let it work, and you grab an emblazoned Navy mug from the cabinet. You turn to lean on the counter, watching him finish lacing up his boots. “Where are you going?”

“Well, Penny’s moving everything at the bar and I figured since I took care of our stuff yesterday, I’d go help out. Plus it’ll be my last chance to take the bike for a spin this weekend.”

“And they say chivalry is dead”, you comment as the coffee seeps into your cup. He chuckles and makes his way over to you. You turn, mug in hand as he walks up. He grimaces again at your face, but his shoulders slump as he notes your puffy eyelids. “How’d you sleep”

“Alright”, you mumble.

“I can stay here if-”

“Dad”, you groan as you roll your eyes, “What am I, five?”

“No- but I’m just saying, if you need me I’ll be here for you.”

“I know, but I’ll be fine.” He seems unsure as he glances between you and the front door. “Go”, you urge him, “Be a knight in shining armor.” He laughs again as he bids you goodbye and leaves. The rumble of his motorcycle tapering off as he exits the neighborhood.

Truly, you are fine. You’re not great, but you’ve been worse. In fact, this is probably the most down time you’ve had in a while. If you were still talking to Bob you would probably text him and see what he was up to, but alas. There’s not much to do except waste away for the rest of the day. Which is exactly what you do. You turn the t.v. on and throw your feet up. They almost hit the large box Bradley left yesterday. You guess you could see what’s in there for you, but you’re already so comfortable and it's just so… far away. And soon enough, your eyes are drooping shut again.

-----------------------

The day passes by painlessly as you switch from folding laundry, to eating whatever is left in the fridge. Your headache slowly dissipates with every bite of food and drink of water, but as it gets closer to evening, the noises from outside get louder and louder. A leaf from a palm tree being ripped from its home and hitting the side of the house, ran pattering, and thunder booming in the distance.

Deciding you’ve had enough of scrolling aimlessly through your phone, you move back to the living room and turn on something you can watch without much thought. The cardboard box Bradley brought over still sits on the coffee table, and huffing out a breath you decide to take the lid off. There’s a bundle of old photos, a couple of dirtied up baseballs, and an old envelope you move to look at, but your phone rings before you can inspect it further. Your dad’s face appears on the screen and you swipe to answer.

“Hey dad, what’s up?”

“Hey kiddo, listen, there was a lot that needed to be boarded up and taken care of at the bar, I just barely got back to Penny’s. I know everything’s taken care of at the house, but the wind and rain are picking up. I don’t want to leave you alone, but it might be safer just to spend the night here. Are you gonna be ok?”

“Dad, I'll be fine. I’d feel better knowing you’re at Penny’s rather than driving your bike in the storm.” You can hear him sigh on the other end. Even with your permission you know he still feels guilty leaving you.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“I swear. I’ll be fine.”

“Ok sweetheart. Promise you’ll call me if anything happens or you need me, ok?”

“I promise”, you can’t help but smile through your words at his protectiveness.

“Alright, well I love you, and hopefully things will slow down and I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Love you, too, dad. Bye.” He bids you goodnight, even if it isn’t 8 o’clock yet, it feels like much later with the storm clouds covering up any chance of dying sunlight.

Turning back to the box you pick up the envelope, there’s an unexpected weight to it and you hold your breath at the sight of Carole’s handwriting. There’s one word on the front and it’s simply labeled “Bug”. Your once steady hands shake as you trace the folded edge that has been sealed for almost two decades. You can’t open it fast enough, but at the same time you’re hesitant to see quite possibly what her last words to you could be. Slipping your finger under the seal, you try to minimize the damage as it rips open. As if it were an extension of the woman herself.

Inside sits a lined piece of journal paper, folded neatly into thirds. But your eyes linger on the item weighing it down as you huff out a breath in disbelief. Your fingers reach inside, and once completely taken out of its hiding place, a silver chain with a butterfly pendant hangs from your hand. 

 With the necklace still wrapped around your fingers, your eyes water as you reach for the note, unfolding it. The paper shakes as your heartbeat quickens. And her voice fills your head while you trace the all familiar cursive with a featherlight touch.

My Darling Bug,

Did you really think I wasn’t going to notice this found its way back into my possession? I don’t know why or when you did this, but I thought I told you it wasn’t mine anymore. I gave this to you for a reason, Bug. I wanted you to know that Bradley, your dad, and I will always be with you. I think you might need it now more than ever. It might be a little different, but I don’t want you to look at it and be sad I’m not with you. I want you to look at it and be happy that I still am, no matter what.

I know I made you promise me to be brave. And you have kept that promise, so if you think you haven’t, you’re wrong. But maybe I should have worded it differently, because you don’t need to be brave like anybody else. I want you to continue being brave like you. Because I know you are. Even so, I want you to remember how I got this necklace in the first place. It all happened because Goose was brave enough to ask. He taught me that being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared anymore. It means that even though you are scared, you do it anyway. You don’t run from it, you face it head on. He always told me I wasn’t born with the fear part of my brain intact, but he was wrong. When we lost him, I knew for a fact that part of my brain was there. I was so scared, but I knew I had to keep going. If not for me, then for Bradley and your dad. Heaven knows your dad was scared out of his mind, but that’s what makes him one of the bravest people I know. He kept flying, and then soon enough, you came along and changed our lives completely. And I know I’m rambling, but I just need you to know how much you mean to me- to all of us.

So I don’t want you to live your life in fear or with regrets, wondering the same things, so please; continue to be the brave girl I know you are. It’s hard to take those first steps. But it is so worth the risk, because you deserve everything good this world has to offer.

And this may or may not make it easier, but I just ask that you take this back and wear it with pride. I will always be with you, bug. And I can’t stand another moment having this sitting in my jewelry box, collecting dust when you can wear it and put it to much better use. You deserve it. I love you very much, don’t forget that.

P.S. I know Bradley’s a big boy and he acts like he can take care of himself, but I know he’ll need you just as much as you need him. Same with your dad. Be there for each other.

-Love, Carole

You move the letter away from under your face as you feel the tears start to fall. You’re just quick enough as they hit your lap instead. The necklace is now safely encased in your grip as you take in a ragged breath. All this time- You can’t stomach the thought. This entire time, these past 16 years you’ve been separated from this last piece of Carole you never even knew existed. And the necklace you thought was lost to time now sits in your palm. You hold on to it. Tight.

You still don’t let go as you gingerly place the letter back in the envelope. Deciding you need to put these two things in a safer spot than your living room, you walk up to your room and go to the shoebox above your closet. Inside, you move the velvet box with your Academy ring to the side, making room for the letter. You almost place the necklace in with it, but you’re not going to disobey Carole by not putting it on the next chance you get.

With the silver chain still wrapped in your hand, you put the shoebox back, just about tripping over your flight suit in the process. In everything that happened yesterday after therapy you must have forgotten to put it in your laundry basket, or hang it up at least. As you pick the jumbled green fabric up, your ears prick up at the sound of something hitting the floor. The gleam of a copper coin catches your eye and you drop your uniform altogether, opting to pick it up instead.

Carole’s words swirl through your head as your heart rate picks up. You stare at the penny in one hand, and open your other to reveal the silver butterfly. The memory of Bob’s crooked smile fills your senses and your heart beats faster again. There’s a phantom ache of his hand cradling yours, gently placing that first penny into your palm on the tiled floor of the locker room. Even before you kissed there was this urge to want to get to know him from deep inside the dark recesses of your heart. From places you thought you blocked off and boarded up after your last boyfriend. You left no room for weakness, no room for anyone to have the upper hand, but yet, you feel safe around Bob. You still do, even after it tore you to shreds resisting that same urge to talk to him, to look at him. It scares you, how after only meeting him a few months ago, it feels like he knows the darkest parts of you, and still wants to learn more. To care for you in a way that you haven’t let someone in a long time. And you want to do the same for him.

That urge sends chills up your spine as thunder booms in the distance, the once small patter of rain picking up as it hails on your roof. Clenching the penny in your fist, you delicately hold the necklace in the other, and you swear the lightning reflects off the silver butterfly, almost winking at you. In the glint, you hear Carole’s voice from when she first gave it to you, and again through her writing. “Be brave”, her whisper echoes. And in that moment, your heart beats louder, anticipating what you know you’re going to do next before your brain has the time to catch up. Placing the necklace on your side table next to your bed, your feet sprint down the stairs the moment the chain leaves your fingers.

You can hardly differentiate the thud of your feet  from the thunder that is somehow getting closer by the second. Throwing on the nearest jacket and lacing up your shoes, you grab your keys and head to the garage. Your old faithful Toyota lays dormant as you jump in, and start the engine. Or at least try to. It sputters a couple times as you turn the key again, and again.

“No, no, no. Please”, you plead as you take a deep breath, holding out hope as you try one last time, “C’mon!” With a final twist, the engine roars to life. “Yes! Thank you!” The garage opens and closes with the click of a button as you peel out of the driveway, probably a little too fast, but who would be crazy enough to be on the streets in these conditions?

The rain doesn’t stop on your account, and both hands are white knuckling the steering wheel as you attempt to maintain the little control you have of your vehicle over mother nature. Your windshield wipers are moving as fast as they can, but it’s little to no good as you traverse the streets. You might have been better off with a canoe.

Nonetheless, you’re so close. Your destination is only a couple blocks away, practically in sight as your car lurches forward, sputtering, before ultimately slowing as you pull to the side of the road.

“No, no, no, are you kidding me?!”, you scream as you hit the steering wheel. She was doing so good! What happened? Placing the car in park, you remove the key and try again, but nothing. Squinting through the rain pattered window, you make out the street sign up ahead as it sways in the wind. This is ok. You can do this. Clenching your jaw and ensuring your phone is buried deep in one of your pockets along with your keys, you push against the gusts of wind and open the car door.

Your face is immediately pelted with ice-like bullets, raining down on you without mercy. Even with the hood of your jacket on, it does no good as you run across the sidewalk and turn down the street. A few house lights are on, but you can barely see as the rain washes over you in sheets. A gust of wind almost gets the better of you as you try your hardest to hold the hood to your head, creating any kind of cover you can. You are so close to throwing in the towel. So close to going back to your car and hiding away until the storm is over. But you didn’t come this far just to turn back. You will not give up.

Shining just a bit brighter than every other house on the street, your destination is in sight. Just one block and your feet make the decision for you to move faster. To run like you never have before, because this time you’re not running from anything. You’re running towards something. The rain hits you quicker, but it’s hard to feel it soak through your clothes as your feet pound against the pavement. 

Your shoes slip on the step to the front door, and your fist meets the entrance much sooner than you were expecting. It creates a loud knock, but there’s no sign of life behind the door. Gaining your footing back, you knock once more. Nothing. You knock twice again. Damn it. He must not be able to hear you through the storm’s havoc. You don’t care anymore, you weren’t thinking when you hopped in your car, and you aren’t trying to stay out in the rain all night. Your knuckles are knocking repeatedly on the door, and that’s when you hear Sylvia bark. She’s getting louder as she moves closer to the door and you continue your knocking, hoping he’ll hear you over her.

“Please, c’mon”, you mutter to yourself as your teeth chatter against the words. Your knuckles are going raw from the sheer cold and the fact that you’ve been hitting them against the door for what feels like 20 minutes. The door opens with a rush of warm air and you’re greeted with the halo wrapped face of someone who only feels like warmness and comfort. The light shines around his features as they contort at what stands in front of him.

“Mantis, what the hell?!”, he yells through the wind while reaching forward to pull you inside. “Oh my god, are you crazy?!”, he exclaims as he holds your arms in place. Your teeth are chattering as he tells you to stay put before coming back with a towel that he promptly throws over your shoulders. It doesn’t do much good as you’re soaked to the bone, but he’s frantically looking for more before you reach out for him.

“Bob-”

“What are you doing here?!”

“I- I’m being brave”, you explain through the pounding rain and thunder. He pauses just for a moment, then shakes his head as he stares at you in utter confusion.

“Did you.. run here? Mantis, are you ok?”

“Bob I’m fine-”

“Do you know where you are? How did you get here?”

“Bob!”, you finally raise your voice and he meets your gaze instead of your rain-drenched form. “I will explain everything, but please just let me say what I came here to say”, you breathlessly supply. He looks back to you, hesitant, but nodding to let you continue.

“Ok”, he whispers. You can barely feel your fingers, or your toes for that matter, but your shaky hand reaches into your pocket and grasps onto the single penny you came here with. The only thing that you made sure to bring.

“What did you mean by this?”, you ask as you hold it out in front of him. “When you gave this to Phoenix, what did you want me to make of this?” His eyelashes flutter in a series of blinks as he silently takes in a breath. Without meaning to, the coin shakes in your hand, and he rushes an answer before you have to stand there any longer.

“It means what it’s always meant. I know I messed everything up, but I still want you to feel like you can trust me, and talk to me. Because you can. I know how scary it can be, and it’s…rare to find someone you feel so comfortable to be around and talk to about the nitty gritty parts of your life. And I like to believe I was that for you for a little bit, ‘cause… you were that for me.” Your heart melts at his sentiment as you continue to drench the walkway of his home.

“Now can you please tell me why you drove here in the middle of a hurricane?” You swallow, hoping whatever fears you have fall to the back of your throat to make room for what you need to tell him. Because, here you are: Soaking wet, standing in Bob’s home, with nothing but a penny and the knowledge that even if you’re scared, you can do this anyway.

“Bob”, you sigh, “You have not messed anything up. In fact, you did something I was too afraid to do.” Taking another deep breath, you ignore the lines riddled in his forehead and continue.

“I have been scared for most of my life. I know sometimes I act like I’m invincible, but I’m not. But I am also sick of being scared. I am sick of pretending. Life is too damn short, and for once instead of just acting like I am, I am trying to be brave. I can’t let this be another ‘what if’. I won’t let you be that. You deserve to at least know how I feel.”

“Mantis, you don’t have to-”

“No, but I want to”, you nod with authority, solidifying to Bob that this is a risk you want to take. You take in another deep breath as it fills you with courage. “Bob, it’s hard to explain, but- you make me feel brave. But at the same time you also scare the shit out of me”, you can’t help but laugh as the crease in his forward melts a little bit. “You scare me because you care so deeply for the people around you, and you’re so generous, and kind, and I can’t help but want to be around you all the time. And- and I’m rambling aren’t I?”, you ask as he breathes out a miniscule laugh. And then you’re gifted with the slightest uptick of his mouth. Just enough for you to know that he’s still listening. But when is he not?

“Anyway. I just- it kills me that you think so lowly of yourself, and I need you to know that I care about you. A lot. And if it hasn’t been blatantly obvious by how I’ve kissed you”, he blushes and looks down at his feet as if he didn’t kiss you with just as much passion, “I like you beyond the point of being friends. And- I feel like you see me. Not just as an aviator, not just as a woman, but as a person. But that’s also scary in itself because you’ve seen my flaws, and each time you didn’t look away. You stayed. You stayed and made sure I didn’t stay down.”

“You didn’t need me for that”, he shakes his head. And you smile through your shaky breath. “You don’t stay down long.”

“Maybe not, but it’s easier to get up when someone lends you a hand.” He stills at your words and your mind tracks back to find the courage you came here with. It’s not hard when Bob’s standing right in front of you with Carole’s voice running through the back of your mind.

 “I’ve tried brushing these feelings off, and staying away from you, thinking I was doing what was best for the both of us. And… I don’t know about you, but it’s only been like two days without talking to you- and I miss being around you.” The tell you’re about to cry starts with your throat straining, and at this point you’re trying everything to talk through it. “I don’t want to mourn you while you’re still here-”, you choke out as you clench your jaw to stop your teeth from chattering any louder than they already are.

“Hey”, Bob whispers as he moves closer to you, “It’s ok-”

“I don’t want to lose you when I’ve never even had you”, you breathe a shaky breath as he places his hands on your shoulders, the warmth permeating through your jacket and towel.

“Whoa, where is all this coming from?” Your breathing is rapidly increasing, as he stares down into your eyes, concern painted through the way he looks at you. That and something else you’re too hyped up on adrenaline to identify at this moment. 

“It’s ok, just breathe for me. Can you do that?” You nod as you stare back at him, his hands reaching out to grasp your own, placing one on his chest. Just like he did in the locker room. God, it feels like it was ages ago.

“Jesus Christ, you’re freezing”, he mutters as he puts both of his hands atop your own. Your fingers thrum over the soft cotton of his shirt, and you’re almost certain his heart is beating just as fast as your own.

“Your heart’s beating really fast”, you comment as you watch your fingers underneath his.

“Are you sure that’s not your own?” You exhale a laugh, but continue to feel that familiar thump from his chest.

“No, that’s definitely you.”

“Yeah”, he manages a nervous smile, “That usually happens when I’m around you.” Your hand is slowly gaining feeling back under the protection of his own, and your eyes meet his. He whispers your name softly, and this time you don’t flinch. You don’t break away, you don’t blink. Your teeth are still chattering, the noise distracting him from whatever he was going to say.

“Let’s get you into some dry clothes, yeah?” Silently you nod as he gives you a brief smile. He’s seemingly already accustomed to the idea of you staying the night, something you didn’t think of before running out of your own house. Taking your hand in his own, he leads you to the bottom of his stairs before jogging up to what you presume to be his bedroom. You wait as you attempt to clench your jaw to stop chattering your teeth, but that’s when you spot a shiny black nose poking out from the corner of the living room. 

“Hey Syl”, you whisper while bending down. She retreats almost immediately at the sight of you, but reappears at the familiar voice. You realize you must look kind of scary with your jacket hood plastered to your face. In an attempt to get her to come closer, you peel your hood off of your head and tempt her again with your outreached hand. “It’s just me sweet girl”, you whisper as she moves forward to sniff your hand. Her tail starts a wag at the appearance of your face and you smile as she gets close enough for you to pet her head. 

You’re scratching her ears as Bob returns from upstairs, now carrying clothes for you to change into.

“Ok, I’ve got some sweat pants and a t-shirt”, he explains as he sorts through them, “But I do have a sweatshirt in case you’re still cold.” He shifts his attention back to you as you stand and accept the clothes with a quiet ‘thank you’. Without the hood obstructing his view of your entire face, his brow immediately furrows at the shadow just to the side of your eye. He doesn’t get a good look at it before you’re turning to change in the bathroom. He must be seeing things. A shadow from your hair, the dim lighting, it just can’t be what he thinks it is.

Peeling your wet clothes off your body was something you didn’t think about while sprinting full speed down Bob’s street. But here you are, in his downstairs bathroom, admiring the softness of both the shirt and sweatpants he’s offered you. You’re soaked right down to your underwear, and rather than sitting uncomfortably in a wet bra and underpants, you decide to go commando. If you get cold enough Bob did offer you a sweatshirt. Tossing your wet clothes over the shower curtain, you slowly walk out of the bathroom. It’s quiet. Other than the occasional rumble of thunder, or whip of wind and rain against the windows, the only thing you’re aware of is your own breathing. Until you get into the living room and find Bob picking at his thumbs on the couch. He doesn’t notice you, and for the first time tonight, you hesitate. You run your fingers over the bottom of Bob’s shirt, holding it out slightly in front of your body. Just admiring how quickly he offered his own clothes to you. Your hair is slightly damp, but not dripping like it was moments ago, thanks to the towel he gave you when you first came in.

He must hear you shift on your feet, because soon enough his eyes follow your form in his clothes, the pants tight in some places, loose in others, but the large t-shirt does its job. He stops on your face as you give him a nervous smile and make your way over to the other end of the couch.

“Oh my god, what happened?”, he all but rushes out as you sit. His eyes are frantic with worry as you trace his concerned gaze to your cheek.

“Oh that”, you try to laugh, “It was an accident.” He swallows while he stiffens in his seat. Bridging the gap you left between the two of you, he catches your gaze as you look down at his hand.

“Mantis”, his voice darkens, “I need you to be completely honest with me.” He’s staring so intently into your eyes you feel like you’re center stage in a show you weren’t given the lines to. A kind of intensity you’ve never seen directed toward you from the man. “Did somebody hurt you?” You’re stuck in your spot, and without hesitating you answer him.

“No”, you breathe as you softly shake your head, “Bob, I promise you it was a complete accident. I was playing catch and wasn’t paying attention.” He eyes it one more time, and you see his hand twitch in his lap before it slowly makes its way to cup your face, turning it to take a better look. You hold your breath at the movement, but once his thumb strokes lightly over your skin you melt into his warmth.

“Well whoever you were playing catch with knows how to throw a pretty wicked fastball”, he mutters as he takes in the bruising along with the indent of the stitching.

“Yeah”, you sigh, not able to say much as he holds the weight of your face and much more in his gentle hand. “Rooster was a pitcher on his high school team.”

“You were playing catch with Rooster?” You let out a breathy laugh, knowing how confusing this must be.

“It’s a long story”, you tell him. “I just wasn’t paying attention.”

“And he still threw it at you?”

“I try not to make sense of Rooster’s actions anymore.”

“Next time you wanna play catch, you come to me. Ok?” His eyes are still on the bruise, analyzing it from every angle.

“Are you saying you won’t throw the ball at my face?”

“No. I’ll make sure you’re ready first.” His smile fades the tiniest bit, but his hand has yet to move. It’s quiet again until a particularly loud burst of thunder has him dropping his hold on you.

“Um, let me get you some ice.”

“I’m fine. My face, feet, and hands are pretty much still numb.”

“May I?”, he asks, reaching for your hands. You’re facing him now, and he turns to mirror your own crossed legs as his hands clasp your own. Slowly, without looking back at you, he brings them closer to his face and before you have the good sense to realize what’s going on, his warm breath fans over your dead fingers. Something flips in your stomach as he starts rubbing his thumbs over the back of your palms after each slow and agonizing breath.

The contrast in temperature hurts your fingers down to the bone, but you can’t seem to take them away from Bob. He stops the breaths just for a second as he rubs your hands in contemplation.

“Mantis… Why are you here?” You’re almost certain your swallow is audible as you stare down at your joint hands. He doesn’t push you when you don’t immediately answer. He only continues to soothe your aching extremities. But when he starts breathing on them again and his glasses fog up slightly, that’s when you truly start to feel the discomfort seep from your fingers. And that’s when you know you have your answer for him. Because he will truly put your needs before his own. His clothes on your back, his sight for your warmth, his happiness for your own. But he doesn’t quite know the true extent of your own unhappiness without him in your every day.

Your answer sits on the tip of your tongue, but truly, your brain speaks before you can formulate the words you need him to hear.

“I went to therapy”, you blurt out as you stare at him. God, why can’t your mouth just say what it needs to? Why is this so hard? Bob looks at your face at your admission, blinking away his shock at the volume at which you spoke them.

“That’s- that’s great.” He goes back to rubbing your fingers, ruminating on your words, then stopping suddenly. “It wasn’t ‘cause of me, was it?”

“No!”, you’re quick to correct him. “Not at all.. I mean it wasn’t your fault, but I did talk about you a little bit”, you admit bashfully. He nods, seemingly drawing his own conclusions. “It wasn’t anything bad. Just-”. You’re hesitant to tell him about your dreams, about why your dad called him that day. Why you were so fidgety and couldn’t even look him in the eye. But then you look back at him, and you know everything will be ok. He won’t run, or look at you with pity. He might be concerned, sure, but he’ll still be there for you.

“After Nat’s party, I had a nightmare. I haven’t had one in years, and it kind of rattled me. And then I had another one. They usually happen after I feel like I’ve done something I shouldn’t have. Something that would- make my mother mad at me.” He stiffens at your words, brows drawing up once more. He knows. And you don’t want him to blame himself. “But yeah, I got back in touch with my therapist. Gonna make it a regular thing now… but after my session she asked me to list three people who make me feel wanted. And it was very clear to me you’re on that list. And I hope I make you feel important, too. I know I haven’t this past week- and I’m sorry-”

“Hey”, he tugs your hands toward him just enough to get your attention, “You had enough going on, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“But I do. I can’t help it.” He whispers your name and averts his gaze from your face like he can't even bear to look at you right now. You didn’t think this was news, last time you were here he told you essentially the same thing.

“What?”, you whisper back.

-----------------------

Bob did not imagine even in his wildest dreams you would run to him in the middle of a storm. But here you are, pouring your heart out to him, your hands in his, his old t-shirt draped over your shivering body, but there’s still that tiny part of his brain telling him it’s too good to be true. And in reality, it is. Because what is he supposed to do now? What did you hope to achieve by coming over here? Your feelings don’t change the fact that this is still wildly against rules in place.

It might have been easier for him to deal with it on his own not knowing exactly how you felt, but now? He can’t put you in a position for someone to take your dream away from you. Especially after how much you’ve had to sacrifice to get to where you are. And there’s still so much for you to do.

“What do you want me to do with these feelings?” He finally asks and you’re caught off guard.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean- a few days ago when you came to me you were so sure this wasn’t a good idea. And now?” He searches your face for an answer in your silence. “What changed?”

“I found a letter from Carole. It was meant for 12-year-old me, " you can’t help but release a watery laugh, “but she just reminded me that some things are worth the risk.” You pause for a moment, squeezing his hands for reassurance before continuing.

“Our jobs are dangerous, and even if they weren’t, life is so precious. And I don’t want to continue breathing if I’m only half-living. I already did that, and I refuse to do it again. And I’m not asking you to do anything with what I’ve told you, I just had to let you know. And that might be selfish, but I know running from what I’m feeling isn’t fair. To you or me.”

It’s quiet again, you’re not sure if Bob is looking at you anymore, but your eyes are drawn back to his hands. One of the single greatest comforts you can’t help but indulge yourself in. A flash of lighting pierces the corner of your eye and the boom of thunder follows shortly after. It almost bleeds into the rasp in his voice as he speaks.

“Is it selfish if we both want it?”. Your eyes snap to meet his and you’re hit with that intensity again. It’s slightly masked by insecurity, but you can see how much this means to him. You’re so sure he can hear you release a sharp breath.

“What do you want-” Your thought is cut off by a deep rumble of thunder, almost shaking the structure of the house. You flinch as if the roof were about to collapse on the two of you, but you’re not catching a break as the remaining kitchen lights click off.

“Damn it”, he mutters under his breath. Bathing you and Bob in total darkness, you instinctively squeeze his hands and he squeezes right back.

“It’s ok”, his voice echoes as he tries to see anything around the darkened room. Sylvia whines from beneath her hiding spot as he blindly searches the coffee table for his phone, petting her in the process to calm her nerves. With his phone located, he turns the flashlight on and you wince at the harsh white light. Sylvia continues to whine even as she scurries out from under the table and runs up the stairs. He runs a hand through his hair as he stands and you’re left in his absence. Goosebumps crawling up your arms and legs force you to shiver and Bob sees it out of the corner of his eye.

“Here- you can take my bed. It’ll be way too cold down here.”

“Bob, no. I’ll crash on the couch”, his mouth opens to protest but you stop him before he even starts, “Plus, I think your daughter might need you up there.” He moves his hands to his hips, deliberating his choices until he eyes you.

“I mean- we could always, ya know…”

“What?”

“We could share my bed. It’s not like we haven’t already slept in the same bed together- Not that I’m assuming you want to! But it’ll keep you extra warm if we’re both there, and that way we’re in the same room and-” With a soft smile you cut off his rambling.

“I think that’s a great idea.” That crooked smile graces his face for the first time in what feels like forever, and your nerves are put at ease. You want to be the reason he smiles like that for as long as you’re able.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He silently leads you up the stairs and offers to let you use the bathroom first while he tries to tidy up the mess you hopefully didn’t see through the lens of your phone’s flashlight.

There’s not much, just a couple of dirty shirts he didn’t have the time or energy to throw into his laundry basket. And then there’s the laundry basket of clothes he was going to fold today, but got distracted at Rich and Harry’s. Shoving the basket in the corner of the room, his eyes catch on the rain-pattered window. Palm trees sway in the wind, and thanks to a flash of lightning, he watches the street run like a river. He squints, trying to find where you parked your car, hoping the damage won’t be too bad.

The click of the door opening has him turning to you, brows still furrowed.

“Hey, where’d you park your car?”

“Oh, that. Funny story”, you laugh, “It stopped running about a block that way-”, you point up the street, “And I kinda ran the rest of the way.” His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as you stand there chuckling.

“Mantis”, he sighs, “Why did you think any of this was a good idea?”

“I wasn’t really thinking, I just knew I had to talk to you”, you bashfully admit. A flash of lightning reflects in his glasses, and you’re brought back to your conversation downstairs. Your unfinished conversation. The hairs on your arms raise before Sylvia whines from underneath Bob’s bed.

The two of you glance back and spot her nose peeking out from under the frame. You’re on your knees, petting her head as Bob stands at the window.

“It’s ok sweet girl”, you coo. With the two of you distracted, he takes a minute to finish getting ready for bed. God, he just can’t believe you’re actually here. Granted, he wishes it was under better circumstances, but still. Stepping back into his bedroom, he’s pleased to find you already underneath the covers, your back facing him. His heart speeds up at you already so comfortable in his bed, but he gathers himself quickly before turning to close the door to the room. The bedroom the two of you are currently sharing… with his dog lying on his side of the bed.

“Before you say anything”, you rush out as you sit up, “She got up here all by herself, and I don’t have the heart to tell her to get down. So you’re just gonna have to look into those big brown eyes and be the bad guy here.” He bites down a smile as he pretends to deliberate on what he should do. Not giving in and telling you that she normally sleeps on the bed with him.

“Plus, I don’t think she’ll be as scared if she’s up here with us”, you add. With us. Yes, that word just came out of your mouth. And it might not be a big deal, but you just used that word and Bob is having a hard time not pinching himself to make sure this is all real and not another dream. Clearing his throat, he manages to cough out a “yeah”. Or something akin to agreement.

He starts to settle onto his side of the bed, and you scooch as far away from the middle as you can. Sylvia moves down the bed in between the two of you and you finally lie back on your respective pillows. You can hear his glasses hit his bedside table as his hand falls to Sylvia. There’s an unspoken tension in the room, and you’re not sure if you can wait until morning to break through it. But neither of you say anything. You just lie there like a lifeless body whose heart is also about to burst through her chest.

Another flash of lightning slices through the curtain, followed almost immediately by a horribly loud boom. Sylvia whines again and your hand falls to her. You knew his hand was there, but it doesn’t stop the shock at the feeling of your fingers brushing his. As your hand swoops over Sylvia’s fur he almost moves back as you stop. But that single touch in the dark makes you want more. So with a clear mission, you bring your hand back over her fur and start to slowly trace his knuckles and fingers. His hand turns over, inviting you to do the same to his palm before he halts your motions and instead intertwines your fingers. He’s still so much warmer than you are, and your hand melts in his. It makes you feel safe.

You don’t say anything as his thumb rubs your hand. The two of you lay in the backdrop of rain and thunder, staring at the ceiling as if it had some kind of hidden message you have to decode. Bob must find what his side says because he clears his throat before speaking.

“What you asked earlier, about what I want- I want you to be happy. Above anything else.” Your heart turns over as you face him.

“I want that for you, too… But you should know you make me really happy”, you whisper into the night. His hand flexes as his pillow rustles to your right.

“You mean that?”, his voice is clearer as he turns his head, and although you’re having a hard time seeing through the dark, you can imagine the look of fear and insecurity in his eyes.

“Of course I do.”

“Cause you make me happy, too”, he rasps, his voice somehow even deeper. And you just can’t help the way you move closer to him. Reaching with your free hand, you hold onto his bicep and rest your head on his shoulder. He welcomes it with a relaxed sigh as you get comfortable. Sylvia doesn’t seem to mind being squished in between your legs, and you’re happy for the warmth these two provide you.

There’s still a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out as to what happens next, but right now? You can’t seem to care what happens tomorrow because you’re content to hold onto Bob tonight. And as you feel him kiss the top of your head, you get that deep butterfly feeling in your stomach. The good kind this time. No overwhelming urge of anxiety or doom washes over you and you know everything is going to be ok. It has to be.

-----------------------

Hey Siri, play Fearless by Taylor Swift

Taglist:

@lemmons1998

@itsmytimetoodream

@theamuz

@harrysgothicbitch

@mygyn

@luckyladycreator2

@marve2014

@wretchedmo

@callsignwidow

@finnydraws

@melsunshine

@jostan456

@okiegirl24

@beebeechaos

@eclecticfashionbookszipper

@hunbomb

@nerdgirljen

@knight-of-the-doctor

@smoothdogsgirl

@planetaryempire-blog

@dumblani

[runningupthatvecna]

night drive | part 1

joseph quinn x fem!reader

masterlist

story summary: you're just out there working your job when you encounter a special (and very familiar) client that is going to change your life. for the better, obviously. but should you really entertain personal relations with a client of yours?

general tags/warnings: rpf (don't like, don't read), strangers to lovers, mutual pining, fluff and eventual spice, slow burn, this will be just a small fluffy happy story tbh :)

chapter summary: it's just another day at work. at least that's what you think to yourself when you leave your flat in berlin one morning, yet unknowing that this day – or more like the client you have to drive to his destination – is being surprisingly gentle and kind to you, his personal driver. and the best part about it? he doesn't seem too scared of you wanting to get your daily dose of adrenaline.

cw/tw: fluff! just the overwhelming smol bean sweetness that is joseph quinn really, mentions of driving at high speeds on a highway, very brief mention of throwing up and usage of drugs, y/n mentioned once (1) at the end

word count: 3,9k

a/n: this idea has been engraved in my brain for literal months and i'm being reminded of it every goddamn time i am at work. so i had to get it out, right? jesus, yeah this is gonna be incredibly self-indulgent since i am german (stereotypes apply), but i tried to keep this as non-german as possible so more of you can relate in some way. hope that's alright and not too underwhelming in general. also, please leave me feedback/reblogs if you've enjoyed this so far! thank you and i love you :)

-----

Let's see who's gonna be flying in today, you thought to yourself as you shoved the last bite of your toasted bread slice into your mouth. Always have to have some form of breakfast at least.

Early signs of sunrise were making an entrance across the sky as you downed the last sips of your orange juice, leaving a tickling sour-sweet taste on your tongue.

Thankfully, your work uniform could easily be changed into something lighter and more casual during the summer months, which is why you only had to throw on a linen blouse and a pair of pants of the same fabric, supporting the flow of air around your skin to help keep your body at a reasonable temperature.

Berlin summers could be brutal, mainly regarding temperature, which is why the air conditioned environment you found yourself working in was the main reason for you to feel grateful these days.

Earning the bread while driving people around? And not in a oh god this guy is so drunk he's going to spill the insides of his stomach in my uber kind of way, but being the exclusive chauffeur for important people? Yeah, it could definitely be worse.

Especially in Berlin, where you can be anything you want.

Most people here get lost in the consumption of intoxicating substances while spending their entire weekends at Sisyphos; they have epiphanies about starting a career in dj-ing, before abandoning that idea again two weeks later just to start a food blog or become a yoga teacher. Long forgotten be the actual reason they once moved here in the first place. For studying or something.

There was a time when you used to think that this specific culture was cool, the same thought a lot of countryside kids think before they wave goodbye to their boring stuck-in-1982 German village life, trying to escape the impending doom of getting tied down to the soils of their direct ancestors, and decide to move here.

But the years of seeing what you had seen here had changed your mindset. A lot.

You loved the morning. The peaceful silence and quietness, empty streets when you could still hear the chirping of the birds, before the rush and heat of the hectic city would cast its overlay over East and West, before most people would start their day, trying to make it to everlasting work, meetings, important business corporate tralala on time.

It was something you had learned to appreciate early on after moving here.

Lighter shades of blue creeped upon the sky now, a sign for you to get ready to leave for your first client of the day.

Airport runs, all day long.

The morning shift, yeah.

You wondered how many people with sticks up their ass you would encounter today, since Germans were usually more of the awkward silence type. Some proved themselves to be quite bearable though, engaging in friendly small talk you would always try to initiate, just to break the tension in the air which sitting in close proximity to total strangers could evoke.

Plus, you never knew who else you would have to transfer. Could it be some important sheikh from Dubai today? A South African basketball player? Maybe the ambassador of Canada, though that would require a police escort.

Ever since you got your license, you had always enjoyed driving. You kinda have to get one if you grow up in small town Germany, where there is a bus service going, but only once per decade or so. Driving had to essentially be part of your DNA at this point.

Grabbing your keys and handbag filled with a water bottle, tissues, really good smelling deodorant, some chocolate you hoped wouldn't melt in the heat of late-ish May, and other small and useful things, you headed outside.

A shiny pearly white Audi A6 was sitting in your street elegantly, a bit further down from your building. Not your own, sadly. It was owned by the agency you worked for; however, with the frequency you found yourself driving it, it could be considered your property anyway.

You really couldn't complain. It was the latest model, seat and steering wheel heating, Apple carplay, a grade A sound system, cruise control, lane assist and all sorts of other nice features a modern car had these days.

From time to time the astonishment about being trusted enough to steer this four-wheeled beast in Berlin traffic was getting to your head.

The click of the lock was like music to your ears and you threw your bag on the passenger seat, since the clients you were supposed to transfer usually sat in the back.

Like a cab, but more personal and exclusive.

The warmth of the previous day had stayed inside the car overnight, which made you lightly turn up the A/C.

You had driven the route to the airport enough times to have figured out alternatives when the main roads would be too full with traffic during rush hours, so you were never really late for work. A true German virtue.

The first client of the day was some journalist working for the German broadcasting service ARD and it was your job to deliver them to the headquarters.

As per usual you asked them a few questions, from where they were flying in, how long they'd be staying, if they'd been to the city or even the country before, etc.

Right after drop off in the center, waving the journalist goodbye and wishing them a great time, your work phone received the message with further info for your next commission.

It was always like this. You'd receive a text message with pick up and drop off address, name of the client and their time of arrival at the airport. Sometimes additional instructions.

And yes, you needed to hurry.

You needed to hurry so much in fact, that your brain completely overlooked the name of the client next on your agenda. Your sole focus was on the time, and it became clear to you that you only had thirty minutes to make the distance.

The time aspect was always but thankfully the only stressful part of your job, still you loved it nonetheless.

You could be on the road twentyfour-seven, if one would let you.

Exceeding the speed limit on the A113 only slightly by 19km/h, you made your way back out to the airport before sliding out of the driver's seat. And yes, you had to get into the building with one of those cringy signs that spelled out the name of the person you'd be awaiting.

As you locked the car out front, parked between two cabs not too far away from the huge sliding doors of the immense window front underneath the massive concrete roof of terminal 1, your entire system flooded with the tingling sensation of nervousness.

You felt your heart make five million jumps, heat rising to your cheeks, and it wasn't because the early morning sun was already casting its heat down onto earth.

It was because of the name next to the arrival time info that you only now had to pay attention to.

It was half past seven, ten minutes after his estimated landing time, and you wondered how long it would take for him to make his way through the maze that BER could be and waltz through those sliding doors in the arrival hall.

The thoughts in your head went faster than what you'd just been going on the highway to get here.

You were about to pick up Joseph Quinn.

British actor, one of your absolute favourites. You knew about all the roles he had been working on, before his international breakthrough on Stranger Things' latest season, which is exactly why now, internally, you were screaming.

Your nervousness only got worse with every opening slide of the doors, built into the wall that kept the arrival hall and baggage claim separate, revealing behind it another random person that wasn't him.

The feeling of impatience grew with each passing second, mixing into the blood you felt getting pumped through you at increasing intensity, mingling with the rushes of euphoria and thrill caused by the thoughts of meeting someone you had so much admiration for.

And yet, a yawn escaped you just in the right moment, just when the doors opened for what felt like the millionth time within the fifteen minutes of you waiting behind the little gate.

He was wearing a dark blue cap, flattening down his light brown curls and making them stick to his (fore)head, brown sunglasses sitting on the brim, a white button down with chest pockets paired with light blue jeans and two rather thin silver chains around his neck. The sleeves of the button down folded right below the elbows. A black leather jacket hung over his forearm, his phone in the hand. A small dark blue suitcase on wheels was following behind him pulled by his free hand, alongside a middle-aged woman you guessed was his manager, because she stuck by his side, holding onto her own phone and own suitcase for dear life.

Didn't seem too fond of airports, you guessed.

With the way he was dressing it almost looked like he was here for much more casual reasons, but you were mostly to never driving people around just for leisure.

You could see him scanning the gathering of people awaiting someone, in search for a sign with an all too familiar name on it.

When his eyes fell on you, he smiled, warmly. Approached you, in fact, and with the way this man maintained eye contact, you felt your knees go weaker with each step he took in your direction.

You now understood what everyone that had met him was going on about.

Your breath hitched in your throat, forcing you to clear it to avoid your voice coming out as a squeak.

While dragging in one long inhale, you tried to gather every last ounce of your confidence, praying to whatever higher power there was that neither of them would catch a whiff of your tense nerves.

Okay, okay. Oh god. Okay, be professional.

He's just another client.

"Good morning, welcome to Berlin!" A smile appeared on your lips as you were met with Joe's warm reaction before you went on with your usual routine as your brain defaulted to that, telling them your name, mentioning that you'd be here to drive them to their destination.

"Hey darling, pleasure to meet you", he shot you another warm smile, lightly touching your upper arm right above your elbow to emphasize what he had just said. You just couldn't help but chuckle lightly at his Britishness and his subtle yet intentional touch made your arm almost twitch. And the skin underneath your linen blouse warm up.

Darling.

You knew well enough that it was more of a casual thing for a British person to say and that there wasn't anything to read into, buuuuuut you just couldn't help the way you found yourself attracted to him. It was melting you. You felt warmth spread on your cheeks at his words.

All of a sudden, it became so much clearer as to why everyone's brain chemistry seemed to be altered in a good way after an encounter of this kind.

And to your surprise, your nervousness was slowly vanishing into thin air. His presence, the way he was looking at you all soft and gentle, his entire aura was calming you in a way you just didn't expect to happen at all while being around him for the first time.

The realisation that he was indeed real and just a human being was doing its part, you guessed.

As you lead them out of the building, straight to your car as discreetly as possible, trying not to evoke the attention of any potential fan, you felt his eyes on you.

Okay, let's stay professional.

Sure you had met all sorts of interesting people through your job, and yes, there also had been moments you had gotten a bit starstruck before. For example when you'd met Dave Grohl while driving him to an appointment at Universal the other day.

However, nothing you had experienced at your job had you feeling quite like Mr Joseph Quinn was making you feel.

You were internally dying to ask him a million questions. And you were going to be surprised at how many he was going to direct towards you.

"So, what brings you to Berlin?", you asked after the carry-on's got safely tucked away in the trunk and all of you had settled into your seats. His manager behind you, him behind the seat your handbag was still occupying.

From the address that was given to you, you could already tell what his answer was going to be, yet you wanted to hear it from him and avoid making assumptions.

You set the car into motion, leaving the parking bay to make your way towards the highway, and while you asked your question number one, you briefly stole a few glances at him through the rear view mirror, awaiting his response.

And yes, he noticed.

His smile appeared back on his face, before he started explaining how this trip was going to be the start of him being on the move back and forth between London and Berlin for the coming weeks since he got cast in something and was now set to film said something here.

"I am quite excited to be part of it, actually. It's gonna be directed by one of my favourite directors and I honestly have had my eyes on working with him ever since I went to drama school years ago", he explained further with a nod, another look at him through the rear revealing the small spark in his eye.

You were getting excited for him.

"You must be quite nervous then, meeting him and the cast and all for the first time?"

You were also almost stunned at yourself for how many words you were able to put into a cohesive sentence in his presence.

A light chuckle escaped his chest, "oh yeah definitely. It's always a bit nerve-wrecking meeting everyone. But the excitement about being somewhere new and being surrounded by new people and getting to experience new things kind of balances it out quite bearably."

His deep brown eyes found yours again through the mirror. The eye contact this man was able to hold, even without being face to face with his person opposite, was honestly impressive.

You wanted to tell him. About how you'd seen all of his previous work, how all of his performances always left you completely stunned out of your mind since you were unable to wrap your head around how anyone could be this good at acting and portraying characters the way he always managed to. About how proud you were of him, seeing him succeed and receive things he'd been dreaming of, getting the things in life he'd always seemed to want and work towards. About how you had nothing but utter admiration for him. But you couldn't, because that would mean overstepping your boundaries.

Maybe, just maybe you would say that at the end of the week, when you were scheduled to shuttle him back to the airport.

"That sounds .. bearable", you quipped before continuing on a more serious note, "is this your first time here then?"

"Yes and no, I think I was here one time with school, but that was ages ago. We went and saw a few places, as part of history class, but I didn't pay enough attention back then to remember details, if I'm honest."

He let out another one of his deep chuckles.

Delightful how he was elaborating on his answers instead of keeping them one or two-worded.

"Oh, that doesn't count then", you answered while putting the car in cruise control as you switched back onto the A113. Speed limit was at 120km/h and you intended to stay there this time.

"Yeah, I definitely need a refresher I think, maybe I'll have some time on my days off during the next weeks. What about you, are you from here?"

Why, need a tour guide, Mr Quinn?

Just now, the A/C brought a whiff of his scent around to you, which you hadn't really taken note of before when he had stood close enough while greeting you at the terminal. Sandalwood, bergamot, a slight note of lingering cigarette smoke.

Once again you shot him a little glance through the mirror, which is when you noticed that his manager had passed out with her head resting against the window.

Sleep deprived, aren't we all?

"Yes and no", you mirrored him, "I grew up the South, in an insignificantly small town somewhere between Stuttgart and Munich, if you happen to know where that is?"

Joseph nodded, still with a curious expression decorating his facial features.

A bit impressed at his geography knowledge, you continued.

"I was born in the West, my family's from there originally. But I've been living in Berlin for a solid five years now, so I do consider myself somewhat of a local."

"That sounds sweet. So you know all the good spots then, hm?"

"Oh, for sure", you replied quirking up an eyebrow and then paused when you took the exit onto the A10, just to ask him, "ever been on a German highway before?"

"Not that I can recall", his voice changed into one of a slightly worried tone and you had a feeling that he was raising an eyebrow at you, "um, why?"

"You're about to see, just let me know in case the speed is making you uncomfortable or anything, I can go slower."

You could tell from the expression on his face that he wasn't sure if he should laugh or be terrified about what you just said to him, but he ended up giving you the green light anyway.

You thanked him mentally for the trust he was instilling in you.

No speed limit for at least 12km, aka getting paid to play Formula 1 in real life. Unfortunately, morning traffic crossed your plans of mildly and humbly impressing him (and his still asleep manager), so the top speed for today stayed at a cozy 173km/h. And maybe it was a good thing, getting speedblocked by traffic and keeping you from exposing yourself as a douchey sucker for speeds above two hundred kilometers per hour.

"You must really enjoy driving", you heard him almost mumble, a smile playing on his plush pink lips, almost making the colour in them disappear as it grew wider. He looked as if something in his head just clicked into place and he had come to a realization.

"Oh, what gave me away?"

"I think it's the way you stay so calm and collected while switching lanes at light speed."

His conclusion made you snort a little, the way he said it with such British seriousness.

"It's actually my German genes, you know?", you quipped back at him, without taking your eyes off what was happening in front of you.

You figured Joe would be appreciative of that.

Throughout the whole rest of the thirty minute ride to Babelsberg, a part of the town of Potsdam, with Babelsberg itself being a prestigious area with all sorts of different film sets and a bunch of production companies located at, there was not a single second in which you felt uncomfortable. No awkward silence whatsoever. And you hadn't even have to be the one breaking the ice this time.

Because there wasn't any to break in the first place. It was almost like the two of you had met before.

However, you kept the topics of your conversation on a strict small talk level. Your own level of professionalism was nagging at your brain in the back of your head continuously. You shouldn't be engaging in sharing personal info. You weren't supposed to make and entertain any sort of deep(er) connection with clients.

They were just clients and you were just their designated driver.

So you kept the convo at a strictly friendly brief small talk level.

Eventually you reached the hotel your two passengers were going to be staying at for the time being, and after you had gotten their suitcases out of the trunk for them in the hotel entry way, you actually worked up the courage to ask Joseph for a picture.

You knew yourself well enough that if you didn't, you'd regret it for the rest of your time on earth. And surely this was a once in a time-on-earth encounter, right?

-----

Another few airport calls were awaiting you silently through single respective vibrations of your work phone.

The outlook on the rest of the day was making a rather dull impression on you, not surprising after the morning you just had.

Pick up a medium known German actress and transfer her to the set of a talk show. Some athlete needing to get to the olympic stadium for some training camp. Another journalist scheduled to attend a convention. Another random rich person able to afford private shuttle service asking you to drive them to some hotel in the center.

Your thoughts kept drifting to your (by far) favourite encounter of the day. Over and over and over again.

During your lonely lunch break on the parking lot of the airport's closest gas station, you couldn't stop yourself from grinning at your private phone screen, the few selfies Joseph had taken of the both of you being reproduced on the display and being swiped back and forth by your thumb.

He had swung an arm around your half a head smaller figure, pulled you surprisingly tight into his white button up covering his side, cap still forcing this light brown curls to stick to his forehead, the arm not surrounding you stretched out, holding your phone into the warm early summer air, spinning the both of you around to find the best angle and background with one of his silly little giggles filling your ears.

In one of the photos, a toothy smile spread across both of your faces; another was slightly blurred because his focus was lying on taking you in instead of bothering to hold the phone steady.

Yeah, just a client.

The rest of the shift went the utmost ordinary and usual way. Time flew, which you were thankful for, since the only thing you wanted to do at this point was go home, refresh yourself through showering your warmed up skin in cool water, and keep staring at those photos juuust a little more.

For what would be the last time today your work phone vibrated once more, and the reason appeared entirely clueless to you as you were already on your way home.

A direct message from your boss.

Hey y/n, special commission for you this coming week. You're going to be assigned to Mr Quinn exclusively for the entirety of his stay. He will need transfer between hotel and film set twice daily until his ADT on May 27. I know I can count on you. Cheers and enjoy the rest of your evening.

– Laurenz

The letters of the words became a blur in your periphery.

Oh dear lord.

-----

taglist is empty and open

[velvet-gloom]

Persona Ships and a Moment in a Thunderstorm

These are just some ships I like, no hate to your favorite if I leave it out. This unedited textpost was getting pretty long anyway so I’ll probably just do another one eventually

Ren and Makoto: The storm hits in the evening while Makoto is at Leblanc with Ren, and it’s bad enough that he absolutely refuses to let her walk home (the call to Sae is awkward, but she does agree it’s better for Makoto to stay put). They throw on some old kung-fu movies in Ren’s room and she grabs him for safety every time there’s an especially loud crack of thunder (she’s totally not scared though, how dare he think that). Then the power briefly goes out and she clings to him so tight he’s convinced he broke a rib. The next morning, Makoto wakes up early and puts her time as Ren’s kitchen assistant on their roadtrip to use, making him coffee and breakfast as a thank-you and a reminder that it’s okay to have his friends do nice things for him for a change.

Aigis and Makoto (P3 Makoto, obviously): The storm wakes Makoto up sometime around 2 or 3 in the morning, and he goes downstairs to stretch his legs a little, even if it’s just to walk around the first floor. Aigis is down there, looking out the window at the storm and thinking to herself. Makoto doesn’t say anything, he just sits next to her and shares the moment until she asks what the sensation of rain falling on you is like. He racks his brain for a good answer before giving up and just saying “wet” with a shrug. Aigis talks about how that’s another thing she never would have wondered about before meeting everyone in SEES, never pausing to give rain a second thought. Makoto asks if she wants to go outside and just spend time in the rain, enjoy it even if she can’t feel it, but she says she has a much better reason to stay inside as she holds Makoto’s hand (Makoto of course being completely willing to go outside with her for a casual walk, unphased by the pouring rain, strong wind, extremely poor visibility, and deafening thunder because he’s just built different). They don’t say much after that, but it’s more than enough to have a little bit of extra time together as they watch the lightning dance in the sky.

Chie and Yukiko: Not together at the time of the storm, but immediately after Chie texts Yukiko asking if she wants to walk around town and see how much damage it did. Yukiko loses it when they see a tree branch thrown through an empty car and Chie makes a joke about it looking like a giant steak skewer. It really doesn’t look like one and Chie knows it’s not funny, but she’s too busy staring at Yukiko and smiling to point that out.

Kanji and Naoto: Post-P4G where they’re both living together, Kanji digs out a bunch of old board games and they take some time to heal their inner children. Kanji doesn’t even remember where half of them came from, they were just in one of the boxes when he moved. He found the box and started reminiscing about being a kid and getting them but never having anyone to play with, and Naoto half-jokingly suggests they play to pass the time. He’s embarrassed, but does actually take her up on it, and she decides she’s all in when they make it a competition to see who can win more. They play all the ones that work with two players and it’s actually pretty close, but Naoto still ends up winning. Then they probably start making out once they run out of board games

Sumire and Akechi: They’re curled up on the couch watching Featherman together when the storm starts (credit to @maze-of-my-design’s reblog of my incorrect quote for that putting that image in my head) and keep watching together until the power goes out right in the middle of a big climactic episode at the worst possible time. Sumire has candles so they light a few for visibility and spend some time talking about random stuff and enjoying the atmosphere. Eventually Akechi complains about feeling sore and Sumire realizes how much he physically carries his stress and insists that he let her give him a back massage. She’s not a professional by any means, but she knows the importance of taking care of your muscles and this human angst pit has knots in his back that have probably been there since birth. Even with Sumire just kinda winging it, Akechi almost leaves his body from how much it helps, which lets her know she should definitely do it again. Then they just keep cuddling until the power comes back on while talking about Featherman plot holes.

Yu and Marie: If it’s during P4G, Marie definitely decides it would be fun to run around in the rain and Yu has to sprint after her to make sure she doesn’t get swept away by a flood. It’s exhausting, it’s stressful, and he’s smiling and laughing by the end of it because he got to spend time with Marie. They end up seeking shelter in the Shiroku Pub until the storm ends while Marie bombards the patrons with questions. If it’s after P4G, the thunderstorm is happening because Marie and Yu were too comfortable during sleepy morning cuddles so Marie summoned the storm to prevent them from having to go to work (that one might be less in character but it’s also hilarious so it’s going here).

[graylinesspam]

Okay, there's been a lot of hot topic discussions about participating in fandom and the rules and expectations there in. Great discussions, I am loving the active shift to move back to a more traditional fandom etiquette. Being kinder, more supportive, more encouraging, ect, of creators is great. BUT lets be honest. It's not always easy. One of the biggest challenges we are facing right now is an environmental one. The worlds on fucking fire, we're all exhausted and scared and using our fandoms as escapism from everything else. That still doesn't give anyone the right to become entitled to fandom made media or to behave poorly in those spaces. But the tired and well meaning consumers of fandom who are just too burnt out to do much more than doomscroll are probably wondering how they can help to create a better environment without putting themselves out. I say this as someone who has been there, is there, and will be there again.

Structuring your fandom engagement can be immensely helpful for the fandom and your enjoyment of it. If you are suffering in any way and are just too exhausted to even think enough words to leave a comment on a fic. If your running on fumes and using a constant flow of fics, edits, ect to keep going. But you genuinely don't have the time to stop and engage with the media. If you are suffering from social anxiety and it's just too much to even try to shout into the void. Then this is my advice for you. Put it off.

Seriously.

As a fic writer myself I know how much writers sit on ao3 refreshing and waiting for hits and comments. I know how much I love receiving notifs on here for headcannon posts. And it is absolutely fact that creators must be interacted with and encouraged to make more content. But it is equally true that the media they make is meant to be enjoyed for the long term, not just the moment it comes out. And there are ways you can accommodate yourself.

starting with the things it doesn't actually take effort to do. The things you really should be doing right away. Like posts. leave kudos. use repost and reblog features of whatever platform you are using.

I know that in the past I have been held back from reblogging a post because I know that I will have thoughts on it. So I want to put it off until i have the time to get to it. But the truth of it is that there is no actual reason not to give the creator an empty reblog once or even more than once. Notifications feel good. The only thing that's discouraging you is that little social anxiety voice. I promise you it isn't embarrassing to reblog something more than once.

Creators won't think anything negative about you for doing so. If it's as easy as pushing a button. DO IT. Push the damn button.

And this goes well beyond just posted works too. If there's a discord chat you don't have the energy to way in on but your enjoying reading. Hit them with a reaction. If there's a post in the making with multiple creators discussing something, reblog it. Engage, hit that button baby

Now for the less demanding tasks, You feeling demand avoidant to engagement. You feeling nonverbal to a mental degree. Head empty no words? BUT your absolutely digging the content your consuming? Great. You can literally save it for later. Your allowed. If you need some kind of authoritative permission to be late to things, This is me granting it to you. There is no such equivalent to liking an old Instagram post (or whatever it is the youths stress about socially). You want to say something in the notes of a post you liked? there's a fun feature of this here blog site that lets you save posts as drafts. You would not believe the amount of drafts that I have saved. Some are years old. Some are kept as permanent references for other works that I come back to.

Your ever find yourself adding to a post just to lose steam half way through? don't delete that response. Save to draft.

You want to leave something nice in the notes of some fan art but can't for the life of you think any words? (There's always emojis) save to drafts. Come back to it later when you feel more up to it.

You're allowed to put thing off. You are not obligated to jump at all fandom engagement as tax for being in the fandom.

Now, that being said, you should still actually come back to that saved content. You want to know a secret about me? I am terrible at leaving comments.

I know as a fic write, I should be better at it, but I'm just not. I came to conclusion very quickly that feeling guilty about that only made me do it less. Less engagement is not the answer. So here are some easily employable tips for being better at leaving comments.

#1 don't...I mean, don't worry about it right away. You just finished a fic, you feel like you should leave a comment in appreciation. You are allowed to wait.

Personally I use my reading history on ao3 to keep track of my reading. I rarely leave a comment after having just finished a fic. Usually I wait for a good mental health day, (or a day where I have to urge to write but my brain won't let me actually work on a fic) and I go through my history and leave comments on all the fics I've read since the last time I did this. I usually do this between every month and every other month.

I gave this advice to a friend of mine a couple years ago and she has decided to make a personal tag in her bookmarks that she uses to keep track of fics she plans on commenting on later.

I have also personally used the PRIVATE bookmark feature as a way to take notes on fics while reading them so I remember what I wanted to comment on later. Since these notes are nearly ineligible to anyone but me. And since they're invisable to the author, this feels private and organized enough for my brain to handle.

I find that this method not only make me feel good for spreading joy across the fandom in bursts but also sometimes lets me make more well thought out and articulate comments. It also allows me to go back and leave a comment on each chapter of a long fic with my thoughts, without disrupting my rhythm during reading. Which we know authors love getting a stream of new comments, so there's no need to feel bad about it.

#2 But wait, maybe you do want to leave a comment right away but don't have the words. Then you can leave an emoji or keyboard smash and just come back later to leave a better comment. Fun fact, you can, should, and are encouraged to leave multiple comments on the same fic/post. You are more than welcome to leave a string of emojis now and come back later. I personally just went back to a fic I read almost seven years ago just to leave a better comment. And while it's awesome to reread fics when you do this. You don't have to. I didn't this time. I just found myself thinking about the fic in question and wanted to say something that, at the time of reading, i just wasn't mature or educated enough to have put into words.

#3 Or maybe you just won't ever have the words to say exactly what you want. That's okay too. Sometimes concepts are just too big to get from you brain to your mouth. I hate it when it happens to me. And in the past it has felt very discouraging. But I promise you it's okay. There are about a million posts on this site giving you advice on how to word your comments so I won't use too much space up on that, but i will say, It's okay if all you can manage is an ok comment. Fanfiction comments are not something you need to have a good grade in. You are allowed to be dry. You are allowed to just say "I liked__ and __ and the way that you___", without elaborating. You do not have to explain yourself and all your thoughts in a comment. A compliment as simple as "I love the way you write." Is perfectly fine.

#4 Head empty, only blorbo? telling people you love the trope they're writing, or a headcannon you like about the character that they included is great to. Or something included in a drawing. As fun as it is to receive an annotated analysis on something, it's actually not mandatory for you to talk to someone about their actual writing or drawing skills. Sometimes all your brain wants is to think about the character or the headcannon or the scenario. And that's ok. Clearly the creator wants to as well, if they wrote about it.

The core of all of this advice is not to put too much pressure on yourself. Fandom is being consumed too fast and left behind to quickly. It's okay to take your time with things, Yes even if you also find yourself chasing the dopamine. You can like the latest trendy fandom, and also use any of the above methods to keep track of the whirlwind of content your eating through, and come back to it later. You can also use que features to space out your reblogs of some fandom content to spread out the appreciation.

If you are for some reason embarrassed to blow through someone's blog or fics, use the que feature. Making comments in a private bookmark and then add them to the fic later.

You are allowed to take things at your own pace. Fandom isn't just for right now. It's for the long term, but only if you continue to engage with it.

[purrplegyuu]

Cold | Choi Beomgyu

Index

Chapter two

Warnings: smut, hard dom!beomgyu, toxic relationship, penetrative sex, orgasm interruption, orgasm denial, sex with no protection.

Word count: 1.4k

English is not my first language, so you'll probably find maaaany mistakes. Feel free to let me know if you dislike something or if you find a mistake.

Reblogs will be appreciated (*^_^*).

◄ Last chapter | Next chapter ►

I knock the door exactly three times −my hand shaking as I feel myself full of fear, almost as if I am getting in a haunted house, or a very dangerous alley. 

I wait for his voice to invite me to get in, but even after some minutes, he doesn’t. Scared of knocking again because I know him and I know he will get mad at me −I still try to knock once more, but the door abruptly opens. A hand taking mine, pushing me in and closing the door, making a high noise I startle at. 

It is really dark there, I could hardly manage to see some of the old canvas made by him and his art instruments −he has done almost all of the best pieces over there, some of his works have even ranked first place in some national art competitions.

“Beomgyu?” I say, looking for him with my hands. I can barely see some tables just when I have already accidentally hit them with my knees. His hand takes my neck strongly, almost letting me out of air.

“Thought you were so mad at me that you wouldn’t want to see me again, pretty?” he says right in my ear. Shivers running down my spine as I feel his chest against my back. “You scared now? Uh, baby, you looked so firm last night” he makes fun of me, taking my face and turning my body to his.

Now that we are chest against chest, I can see his face almost clearly. Pretty lips parted as he breaths all over my face. His essency filling me up so much, so good. 

“Fuck, I fucking hate so much how you are always quiet” but he lies −I now he always go harder on me everytime I talk to him, almost as if, for any reason, he hates me. Is that kind of pleasure I enjoy, until I have come more than six times and he doesn’t seem like wanting to stop yet. 

I want to say I don’t want to; I want to say that it is time to stop; I want to yell at him how humiliated I feel every time it’s about him. But, in fact, I do actually want to, and I can’t lie to myself.

“Tell me what happened last time baby” he says. Talking so nice, almost like he is someone I should trust because he will help me. His right hand is still holding my face as the other one caresses my thin cheek. Then, it goes down, touching my neck, outlining my small breast, and holding firmly my hip −so hard I can almost feel the mark his fingers will leave.

“To be honest, I got really really mad last night, and almost thought of punishing you harder this time, but you know what? I am in a good mood today… won’t go hard, I swear” pretty smile on his lips as his hand goes down my scholar skirt, smiling when he feels I am not wearing security shorts. His fingers taking my panties and taking it down really slowly, giving me goosebumps. 

Not even caring to take it completely off, his fingers run all over my slit, making me close my eyes because of this pleasure. “Already wet, baby?” his index and middle finger go right to my clit, not losing time on stimulating it. Doesn’t go soft at the beginning, of course he doesn’t; not going harder on me doesn’t mean going easy. 

He massages it hard, fast, firmly −still holding my face tightly, not letting me see anything but him. That dark aura gives him an almost yandere glow; so precious, yet so hurtful. 

That’s where I realize I don’t understand him, why does he look so hot and yet so cold?

One of my hands goes to his shoulder to find some stability, as the other one holds the table behind me so tightly it almost hurts. 

And then, I need it. I really really need it, and even if I try not to, I can’t as another smile appears on his face when I moan his name. 

My hand on his shoulders goes up to his cheek, and I stand on tiptoe in order to chase his lips to kiss him −however, his hand holding my face makes me stop by putting more force on his grip, and I complain about his strength.

“Uh-uh” he says mockingly. “Don’t deserve it”.

His fingers move even faster every second, stronger −I can feel the weakness all over my knees, almost falling to the ground but his strong arm supports me. My panties falling from my knees to the floor, as my head goes blank the moment I feel my orgasm forming so fast it even hurts so so much. 

I let out many sighs, trying as hard as I can to prepare for cumming, but it is too much. It’s always too much. 

I cannot manage to hold to his arm with both of my hands, trying to pull him away because of the overwhelming pleasure. 

Then, I see him smirk darkly as his hand pushes apart from my cunt, leaving me a bit confused since the other times we’ve fucked, no matter how hard did I try to make him stop after many orgasms, he never did it.

“What? Why you look so disappointed, pretty?” he asks mockingly. “Thought you wanted me to stop” his fake confusion making my blood burn as I feel my body so hot and cold at the same time. Heavy breaths getting out of my mouth as I hardly try to recover, but then, I see his hands going to his scholar pants, unbuttoning them fastly. 

Hand taking one of my knees, raising it until it’s around his hips. He takes his dick out of his boxers −I see his angry tip, all red and even if I am not touching it, I know it’s very hot. He is large and thick, that’s why he should always make sure to prep me well in order to not hurt me, however, he doesn’t really care about that shit. Sometimes I feel like he enjoys going raw, he enjoys hurting me.

His tip kisses my slit harshly, making my head fall back. Then, his cock falls over my lower abdomen heavily. My eyes fall down as I admire it −almost as one of his art works, so sexual yet so lovingly. Dick too big for me, almost touching my belly button. I see him smirking adorably and almost fall for him again −he has always liked our size difference.

Then, his hips move back, so the head of his cock could be against my entrance. He wastes no time, pushing himself in my cunt. I cry out his name in a very high tone. His hips go back again and push even harder. Everytime his hips go back, is very soft and slow, and everytime he pushes in, it is even harder than the last time. Making my knees go weak, leaving bruises all over my thighs because of his hands holding me tightly, hips against hips until it hurts so good. 

I scream highly when I feel his tip kissing my cervix so hurtingly yet so heavenly. I cry out, and ask for more multiple times, and he goes even harder.

Until I scream I am so close, waiting for him to go faster so it could be easier for me to chase my orgasm −instead, he stops.

I look at him confused as I feel his hot cum filling me up to the brim. He never comes before I do. His hand resting on my tummy, the outline of his dick buried on all over my cunt. Then, he slips out of me, putting his boxers and pants correctly once again as I try to breathe.

“I-I havent” he interrupts me with a burst of laughter. 

“I know. Didn’t think you would not have a punishment, right?” he walks away from me.

My hand goes directly to my clit, trying to make myself cum as fast as possible. He turns around fastly. “Such a slut” he says. “, better not try to touch yourself to finish. We both know you are not that good for that.” getting out of the classroom, leaving me alone, completely frustrated, almost crying as a drop of his semen slides down my thigh.  He is right −no matter how hard I try, I’m always too weak and dumb to make absolutely anything. That is why he’s there for me to help me. Always.

Taglist: @arianap23e

◄ Last chapter | Next chapter ►

[inktheory3]

Post Patch Thoughts:

Hey all, after playing this patch, getting every new weapon to 1 star and playing the 2 new maps in every ranked mode, I felt it appropriate to revise some of the comments I made on this patch.

~

On the topic of the Inkopolis DLC, a thing that really feels awful is that Shelly and Donny, when explaining a weapon to you, re-use Sheldon's dialogue. It's a minor nitpick, but them instantly flickering between their stuttering childish dialogue to Sheldon's trademark pedantic speeches is really tragic and immersion breaking.

Otherwise, I'd like to dedicate this reblog to talk about the maps and the weapons.

Maps:

Manta Maria is a fine addition. It was one of the better maps in Splatoon 2, but the changes they made to it feel a little bit worse to play on, as is the norm with Splatoon 3's map reworks. Despite this, it its still one of the better maps in Splatoon 3, because it really doesn't have any competition.

Um'ami Ruins feels a bit rushed. The middle of Um'ami is far more open than most maps in the game, but a lower section around mid would have suited the map so well and the boundaries of the map just feel off. A tweet from Yaga (@a_bog_hag on twitter) better illustrates this point.

A lower section would really let the map breathe, give players more options and give a reason to exit mid from the lower pit to the left of spawn that as of now is a death trap.

Um'ami is a fine map, it's not on the level of Mincemeat Metalworks and Scorch Gorge where I actively avoid rotations that they're present in, but it still has its problems, which is disappointing.

Finally for maps, lets talk about the changes to existing stages. To be blunt, they're garbage. Most of these changes don't really do much of anything, and other changes actively enforce the playstyles they were trying to nerf. The Splat Zones stages that got smaller zones are now easier to contest with even a single special like Triple Inkstrike, making it much harder to defend the zone itself. The stages that got a pole in the middle of their zones are actually cover for chargers! They allow E-Liters and Splat Chargers to be completely defended while being able to fight back while in the zone!

I'm still hopeful that these smaller map changes will open the doors to big changes that actually impact the game healthily, but I'm still scared for the future of this game.

Weapons:

My guesses before the patch dropped were correct. All of these weapons have synergistic kits and are fun to play! It's a huge step up from Chill Season 2022's kits.

I think my problem lies in the 2 new specials.

First off, Super Chump is a god awful special. It feels clunky to use and it's difficult to aim it where you want it to be. In 12 hours of gameplay I didn't see a single splat or assist from Super Chumps. It tries to be a displacement special like Booyah Bomb, Triple Inkstrike and Tenta Missiles, but it miserably fails.

The former 3 specials threaten displacement. Once they are used effectively, you cannot stop them covering up your ink, and if they're used on you, you have to move or die. They all threaten lethal damage. Booyah Bomb and Triple Inkstrike also have dynamic counterplay. You have to think about when and where you use them to stop yourself from getting splatted while using them.

Super Chump cannot threaten lethal damage. If you aim it at someone, they can literally walk and shoot in a random direction and be completely safe from its damage. Even if you stand still you likely won't die to them. It doesn't paint enemy ink, because even weapons like the Luna Blaster and Carbon Roller are capable of breaking 90% of the bombs before they can explode. And finally, there's little to no combo potential with it. You have to cast them far away from you. By the time you can get to the spots they landed, they've landed in such spread out spots that the only ones that could possibly threaten enemies and paint important ground are already destroyed. It's essentially a worse Tenta Missiles, but instead of reworking Tenta Missiles to be healthy for the game, they made a completely inferior version of it AND kept Tenta Missiles in its broken state.

Finally, Kraken Royale has me worried about the future of this game, specifically surrounding power creep. Kraken is fundamentally broken. It completely outclasses Ultra Stamp and Reefslider. In fact it's laughable that Ultra Stamp and Reefslider could possibly exist in their sad state next to Kraken Royale. It oneshots Crab Tank, it is capable of reaching Booyah Bomb and Inkjet, and 3 shots both. It oneshots Big Bubbler. It completely breaks Tower Control; with enough Kraken Royale users you can control the tower forever with no way to push them off. When this special gets on a mobile shooter, it will be overwhelmingly strong. With how they've treated nerfing Crab Tank, I'm scared for the future of how Kraken Royale will be balanced.

This patch was amazing mechanically, everything thats new feels and looks great to play. The problem, like always, is that the balancing of this game is very concerning.

My thoughts on the Fresh Season 2023 update!

Hey all, this is a different kind of post, where I'll be going over every new addition to the game, serving as an update post and my thoughts on the new content!

So lets just jump right into it!

Splatoon Fresh Season 2023: 3.0.0

Inkopolis DLC:

This update introduced the first wave of paid DLC! DLC owners can now travel to Inkopolis, essentially serving as a new hub world skin. (note the wording used, "Travel to this city?" perhaps more hub worlds are coming?)

Inkopolis is functionally identical to Splatsville, which is disappointing but understandable. There's no Squid Jump, the former arcade machine is now a terminal to order items from Hotlantis, and all shop owners share the same stock as the Splatsville shops. Some people hate these choices, but they make sense as parity decisions between the 2 hub worlds. What I am disappointed about is the Grizzco and pvp lobbies being identical to Splatsville's. Even the graffiti is identical!

The new and returning characters and settings have phenomenal designs, as expected for the series, and I appreciate the compact and sleek hub design as opposed to how spread out and chaotic Splatsville is. I will forever cherish Shelly & Donny's designs and mannerisms (Donny calls the lobby the WOBBY!) and Fred Crumbs is a new favourite character of mine.

Overall, Wave 1 of the DLC is great, it's essentially an entrée. You don't pay for reservations at a restaurant to eat breadsticks, but its important to serve them to keep us busy while the real meat and potatoes of the DLC, Side Order, is in production.

The Catalog:

As per usual, a new Catalog is coming. There really aren't critiques to be said. Flipping through it, all the new clothing, decorations, stickers, splashtag title parts, banners and emotes look wonderful.

Thanks to datamining, I've already seen all the new emotes. Every season the emotes get more and more expressive! Rootin' Tootin' is going to be permanently equipped as soon as I hit level 73. Again, there is 1 disappointment for me. The Reppin' Inkopolis emote (which is completely free, you don't need the DLC for, which I appreciate incredibly) doesn't have new Splatoon 1 style animations for the 6 weapon classes introduced since then. (Dualies, Brellas, Stringers and Splatanas; including Brushes and Blasters which were distinguished from Rollers and Shooters respectively in Splatoon 3) The emote is a nostalgia trip for me but having it play the default win animation for new weapon classes is really disappointing.

Related to the catalog, we have a new gear brand, Z+F. It's a collaboration between Zekko and Firefin and the name is a real mouthful. I don't like it at all. There were so many good ideas for mashups of Zekko and Firefin; Zekkofin, Finko, Z-Fire and so on! Z+F isn't a bad name per say, but it is disappointing to be included among all the other amazing brand names.

There are 2 more incredibly welcome changes to the catalog system though! From now on, in mystery boxes and shell-out capsules, you have a small chance of receiving catalog exclusive items. Previously, if you didn't get a catalog exclusive item during the season it introduced, it would never appear in your shops, and the exclusive emotes, banners and title parts were gone forever. Now you still have a chance, which is really great!

Finally, in the last week of every season, you'll get a 1.2x closeout bonus for catalog points, helping you finish out your catalog before the new season starts. These are 2 amazing changes to help players with less time on their hands to get their hands on content without making players who earned it the old way feel cheapened.

New Stages:

Um'ami Ruins and Manta Maria have been added to the game! As of now I can't speak on them, as they aren't playable, but from datamined screenshots they seem to follow the unfortunate Splatoon 3 trend of reworking older maps to be cramped and creating 1 dimensional new maps.

New Special Weapons:

2 new special weapons have been released!

The Kraken Royale is a transformation, turning you into a Kraken for 8 seconds. (up to 10 with special power up) You can squid roll and surge during it, and colliding with an enemy deals 60 damage, while a charged attack deals 100 piercing damage.

This weapon is a complete counter to Crab Tank, it oneshots the Crab Tank user with a single charge attack. Other than that, I'm a bit concerned about the invincibility of the special weapon, despite the start and end vulnerability, invincibility was a problematic part of Splatoon 1 and 2's special design.

It also steps on Ultra Stamp and Reefsliders toes a little too much for my liking. These other 2 specials are simply outclassed by Kraken! In addition to being buggy and under-tuned, Krakens invincibility and mobility outclasses them both on a mechanical level, which is a shame.

A new special weapon, the Super Chump, was introduced. Horrible name aside, this weapon allows you to pick a spot on the map to deploy a barrage of bombs! Once you pick a location, a dozen Super Chumps create fake super jump landings and stick to the ground, exploding 4 seconds later. Enemies won't die to a single Super Chump, as they only deal 30-60 damage on their lonesome, but they are excellent displacement tools.

Similar to Kraken Royale, this weapon steps on a lot of toes. It is essentially another variation of "random bullshit go!" where you pick a spot to throw a bomb(s) to force enemies to move. It didn't need to be this similar to Booyah Bomb, Triple Inkstrike AND Tenta Missiles! In fact it is essentially a replacement for Tenta Missiles, seeing that the 2 weapons that have it also have identical sub weapons to their Splatoon 2 kits, without the Missiles!

There really was an obvious way to make Super Chump unique. The super jump landings are an interesting idea, but they're very useless. They don't function any differently to other special indicators, as no one will believe 12 super jumps at once all in their own ink. Rather, Super Chump could have been a unique engagement special, where you are also shot forwards alongside the Super Chumps, forcing the enemy to either run and and concede the space to you, or try to guess which super jump landing is the real one and try to splat you.

Overall, these specials are cool and well designed, but their similarities to existing specials puts a sour taste in my mouth.

New Main Weapons:

Of course we can't have new specials without new main weapons.

Here they are:

Neo Sploosh-o-matic: Squid Beakon/ Killer Wail 5.1

Neo Splash-o-matic: Suction Bomb/ Triple Inkstrike

N-ZAP '89: Autobomb/ Super Chump

.96 Gal Deco: Splash Wall/ Kraken Royale

Custom Jet Squelcher: Toxic Mist/ Ink Storm

L-3 Nozzlenose D: Burst Bomb/ Ultra Stamp

Rapid Blaster Deco: Torpedo/ Inkjet

Clash Blaster Neo: Curling Bomb/ Super Chump

Krak-On Splat Roller: Squid Beakon/Kraken Royale

Z+F Splat Charger/ Splatterscope: Splash Wall/ Triple Inkstrike

Tri-Slosher Nouveau: Fizzy Bomb/ Tacticooler

Now all of these kits are phenomenal. Ignoring the viability of certain subs and specials, all of these kits work and look fun. In the last season we got a couple of stinkers like Snipewriter 5H with Sprinkler/ Tacticooler. This time every kit makes sense. There's a valid playstyle and a weapon for everyone here which I really respect. In a perfect world where all of these main, sub and special weapons are balanced well, all of these kits would have their time in the spotlight.

My only issue is the obvious preferences the Splatoon Devs have for kits. Only FOUR shooters are yet to get a second kit, while Brellas, Stringers and Splatanas remain completely unrepresented. Every other class has only 1 or 2 secondary kits! This is a shame because Splatoon promotes inclusivity and that needs to be apparent in the game and its updates. The new kits need to give something new to play with for every type of player, and they simply aren't.

Online Functions:

Pools have been added! They're essentially the same as Mario Kart 8 lobbies, or arenas in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. You can create a pool, choose whether its open or password protected, and people can join and play! This is amazing. It allows for so much versatility in playing with friends, playing with chatters on stream, new people on discord or with people in tournaments and LAN meetups! Really, a phenomenal addition.

Tableturf Battle can now be played online! You can even spectate regular battles, not just in private lobbies. This also comes with 23 new cards! This is a welcome addition, and I understand why it wasn't packaged in the base game, but I'm happy it's here either way.

Salmon Run:

A new King Salmonid has been added! Horrorboros, the flying serpent, charges and shoots Booyah Bombs at workers. A new Big Run event is also happening right away which is really promising for the future of events in Splatoon.

New Scale rewards have been added! Splatoon 2 Grizzco gear has been added in a new tab of the Scale Shop, and Splatoon 2's "Gloopsuits" have been added, as a counterpart to the Slopsuits, if you'd like a different work look. All good additions!

In addition, Eggstra Work has been added, making use of the Salmon Run scenario feature. In this 2 day event, you must assemble a team with your friends and run through 5 preset waves to get as many eggs as possible, getting rewards for what percentile of eggs you collected in 1 shift. This is also a welcome addition, more modes are always great, but it's a bit troublesome.

First of all, it steps on Big Runs toes. The addition of Big Run already lowered how many Splatfests we get, and now theres a 3rd weekend event! They could of course have every event happen 2-3 times a season, but I'm concerned about the Devs tuning down the amount of events every month.

Secondly, it doesn't feel like a weekend event in the same way Big Run and Splatfests are. There are elements of surprise in the former 2 events, but in Eggstra Work, once you've played it once, you've played it a million times. Unlike Big Run there is a maximum amount of eggs you can get. It will get boring over the course of 2 days, and you need friends to play it, it can't be played in freelance.

I really wish they didn't make Eggstra Work a limited event. It would've been great as a permanent game mode that rotates monthly! A sort of counterpart to freelance the same way that League Battles were a counterpart to X Battles. at the turn of every month a new map, weapons and scenarios are selected for the Eggstra Work shift, and teams of 4 compete for top leaderboard spots throughout the month.

People tend to grind out weekend events, and I feel that Eggstra Works repetitiveness will lead to burnout if it gets condensed to a 2 day period.

Balance Changes:

I am disappointed with the Devs fear of making big changes to Splatoon 3's meta. They only changed 1 main weapon, the Big Swig, this patch. They didn't directly nerf Crab Tank, only giving Inkjet, Trizooka and Ultra Stamp damage multipliers against the Crab Tank's armor. They buffed underused weapons by decreasing their special gauge by 10p, which really doesn't fix their problems, as for weapons like Ballpoint Splatling, Aerospray MG and N-ZAP '85, their problems aren't that their specials are too hard to get, its that their specials aren't particularly good when you get them.

Finally, they changed maps, which is promising. I don't mind small changes to maps, despite my feelings about the above small balance changes. I appreciate them understanding that they went wrong with their maps and small changes are a gateway to big changes, but as of now, the small changes they've added feel like bandaid solutions to an underlying problem with the map design.

The Jukebox:

Every song in Splatoon 3 has been given a name! The Jukebox is a great addition to Splatoon, allowing you to pick what songs play in the lobby. Again, I have a small gripe. It is annoying that you have to pay every time you want to use the Jukebox, when in Splatoon 2 you could listen to every song for free.

Badges:

There are a whole slew of new Badges and I really appreciate the direction they're going in.

Of course there are new badges for the special weapons, Horrorboros, Eggstra Work and Z+F. They also added badges for the Inkopolis shop keepers, adding another incentive to swap between hub worlds, which I really like!

Finally, they added Level and X rank badges. There are 12 Level badges, for reaching level 30/50/100/200/300/400/500/600/700/800/900/999, and X rank badges for reaching top 3000/500/10 on the leaderboards. This expands on the direction I like, but also highlights a glaring flaw.

It's impossible to 100% Splatoon 3's badge system, it's meant to a system to let you show off the way you play Splatoon! But I don't really like the design of the badges themselves.

In the case of most badges, the colors have inherent symbolism. Bronze means 3rd place, Silver means 2nd place and Gold means 1st. Once you get a gold badge variant, the rest are inferior. If you use the bronze or silver badges, its implying to other players that you aren't the best at this milestone you're showing off. Even if you dedicate all your time to Salmon Run, if you don't put thousands of hours in, your badges will always look worse than what you could have. This is especially in the Level badges, the level 999 badge is stunning, and other impressive milestone badges, like the level 100 badge, looks horrible. You have players putting in so much time and effort for badges that are a downgrade to others.

Even if you do put in a lot of time into the game, unless you specialise in a specific game mode, your badges won't look good. I have over 1k hours in Splatoon 3, but my playstyle's given me 90+ mediocre badges and 1 or 2 impressive badges. I have the 5 star Hydra Splatling badges, acquired 300 hours in, and fifteen 4 star weapon badges, a couple silver Salmon Run and Special weapon badges and so on. I put a lot of time into this game but I have nothing cool to show off, my current badge layout on my Splashtag doesn't have an identity to it, it looks just like a Splashtag someone with a couple hundred hours in Splatoon 3. It doesn't speak to my achievements, my playstyle, it conveys that my milestones aren't the peak, that my Silver Booyah Bomb badge isn't impressive because there are people with Gold Booyah Bomb badges.

1 thing I'd do to remedy this is make badges for getting badges. This would help players who don't specialise in anything and instead are good at everything. I don't know what this badge would look like, but badges for getting 10, 30 or 100 badges would be cool.

I'd also like Sheldon badges! You get badges for getting stars on your gear, why not badges of Sheldon for getting stars on weapons. I've counted, I have over 200 combined stars on my weapons, and nothing to show for it.

Finally, I'd like every badge to be more unique, and not just be recolored variations of eachother. What if the Gold Maws badge wasn't gold, and instead it was stylised art of Maws lunging at the screen. What if the N-ZAP '85's 5 star badge was pixelated. What if the Hydra Splatling's 5 star badge was on fire. What I'm saying is, instead of making the tiers of badges just recolors of the lower tiers, they should look visually different, to make them stand out more and give lower tiered badges purpose for existing and remove the negative connotations with their coloring.

Minor Changes:

There are quite a few small additions in this update! of course there's new gear. But there's a lot more coming!

Lockers can now be wiped clean with the - (minus) button if you want to start over. The amount of items on display in shops has been increased to 9 from 6. You can preview Scale reward items at Grizzco, similar to Hotlantis! Color Lock was adjusted during Tricolor Battles to accommodate for colorblind players. Winners of 10, 100 and 333x battles will be broadcast to your friends and on the Anarchy Splatcast!

Connection Errors are now dealt with player-side. Instead of the match grinding to a halt, laggy players will be notified and have their controls removed if the lag persists. Terrific!

Closing Thoughts:

Overall, despite my complaints, I really like this update. The team over at Splatoon is doing a good job and I'm excited. With these changes they're heading in the right direction and we can only hope they keep on this trend with bigger and better changes. I'll see you all on the battlefield! Stay fresh!

[ry0chann]

AFTERMATH || Doppo Kunikida

彡 SUMMARY: Kunikida surprisingly shows his face at your dorm once more to repay you for the favor you did for him last night.

彡 WARNINGS: college au, smut, afab!reader, virgin!Kunikida, loss of virginity, ooc Kunikida probably, some nipple play (f), oral (f), fingering, some orgasm denial/edging, quick handjob, vaginal penetration, technical creampie, literally not proofread at all

彡 WORD COUNT: 5.0k (oops)

. . . this is technically a sequel to “seven” minutes in heaven btw. you don’t have to read that for this fic to make sense, but it does give a bit of plot in regards to the reader’s relationship with Kunikida & sort of sets up the plot for this one. i'm also entering this piece into my young & in love collab :)

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED, MINORS DNI!

It may not have been a promise, but Dazai did in fact, manage to convince Kunikida to pay you a visit today. The blonde was reluctant, which was to be expected. He was worried he’d appear desperate, showing up to your dorm the day after you two fooled around. Unbeknownst to him, though, you were hoping to see him.

Dazai’s statement last night had you anticipating Kunikida’s arrival. Not because you actually expected anything to happen, but because you genuinely enjoyed being around him. Still, after the events of yesterday, you couldn’t help but feel anxious at the thought of seeing him again.

Your roommate was out with some friends, leaving you alone in the silence of your dorm. A sudden knock at your door startles you just a bit, getting your heart to beat a little faster. It wasn’t certain that Kunikida would be the one on the other side, though part of you hoped it would be. Yet, for whatever reason, you were nervous.

Maybe it was because you liked the man, and simply being in his presence made you giddy. Or maybe it was the fact that the night prior, you were trapped in a closet and difiling him. Regardless, you push your thoughts aside and open the door, only to be greeted by the sight of a blushing Kunikida.

He appeared tense, as though he didn’t want to be here. You step out of his way, letting him enter then shutting the door behind him. The air in the room now was thick enough to cut with a knife. Why did things feel so awkward? It wasn’t normally like this, so why now? Had last night’s affair actually ruined things between you? Trying not to stress yourself out, you sit on your bed with a sigh, patting the spot beside you to invite Kunikida over. 

“You don’t have to stand there like a stranger, y’know. Come sit.”

His ears grow red with embarrassment, but he sits down. If anything, he looked more stiff now than he did two minutes ago. Did you really make him that uneasy? He’s always been the reserved type, perhaps that was the reason he was so closed off around you.

You wanted to avoid small talk, afraid that it would only strengthen the awkward atmosphere in the room. At the same time, it felt impossible to start a conversation. There was a sudden feeling of worry washing over you as well. Worry that last night may have been a mistake, or that Kunikida only came here today to tell you he wants to remain friends. 

“Um, Kunikida?” You turn your head towards him, keeping your voice low. “Was there something you needed? Or um, something you wanted to talk about?”

He takes a deep breath, in attempts to calm his nerves. What did he want? He couldn’t have possibly come here just because Dazai told him to. He definitely wasn’t complaining about having the alone time with you, he just needed to figure out how he wanted to use this time. Kunikida shifts in his seat, sighing once more.

“I remember telling you I had a favor to return… Though I suppose it’s too soon for me to be pushing it.” His words come out as a near whisper, like he was scared to hear your response.

You blush darkly at his comment, not expecting him to say what he said. Sure, he said he’d eventually “return the favor,” to which you agreed. And yes, Dazai may have told you he’d get Kunikida to come over today, but you didn’t expect any of that to actually happen. You weren’t necessarily against the idea, it was just a lot to take in all at once. 

You chuckle sheepishly, “O-oh, um, you know you don’t actually have to, right? N-not that I don’t want you to, I just, um…”

Flustered, you trample over your own words. You didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, though this entire situation felt like the repercussion of miscommunication.

“I do want to.” he speaks, keeping his eyes in front of him rather than on you. 

The sound of his voice snaps you out of your scrambled thoughts, only flustering you more.

“Y-you do?” you ask, still trying to figure out if he was pulling your leg or not.

Kunikida nods, pushing up his glasses with a finger as he finally gives you his attention. 

“Forgive me for being so forward, but I wanted to bring it up before I lost the courage to.”

You’re left speechless, unsure of how to continue the conversation. There were too many thoughts bouncing around in your head for you to think straight. You genuinely didn’t think this would be happening today, yet here he was, offering it. You swallow hard, poorly keeping your composure as you find the words to say.

“Kunikida… A-are you sure?”

He nods once more, “I am…” Kunikida falls silent for a moment, still blushing like crazy.

That awkwardness hadn’t faded, especially now. You wondered where to go from here; if you should jump right into things or build up to it. If all he was here for was that, then was there really any problem with jumping into things? Well, yes. Kunikida had absolutely no experience, aside from last night’s affair with you. And he very obviously liked you— you liked him too— so you didn’t want him to feel like you were using him, or that this would turn into some sort of “friends with benefits” type of situation. You scoot a little closer to him, letting your shoulder brush against his. His eyes seem fixated on yours, as if  he were caught in a trance. 

“Let’s just, um, start slow, okay?” you state, still worried that rushing into this wasn’t the right move.

Kunikida hums in agreement, and not even two seconds later, is he cupping your cheek and leaning in for a kiss. You’re too stunned to pull away, or stop him. Feeling his lips on yours again triggers the memory of all that happened yesterday. You were reminded of what it felt like to kiss him, and how surprised you were by how good it was.

His boldness had you taken aback, you almost didn’t know how to react. Last night must’ve changed something in him. It doesn’t take you too long to find your confidence, though. You’re soon moving to sit on his lap, your tongue languidly slipping into his mouth all the while.

Kunikida groans, gripping your waist with more force than you expected. His grip was quite strong, as if he wanted to ensure you’d remain on top of him. It honestly shocked you how easily you both gave in to one another. Initially, you were worried about moving too fast, blushing and stuttering like high schoolers. Yet here you were now, caught in a steamy makeout session without a second thought. His fingers slip under your shirt, their warmth closing around your waist.

Even though it was only a few hours ago that the two of you were doing this for the first time, it felt different now. Maybe it was because you knew you would be receiving some type of pleasure this time. However, there was also the possibility of the two of you taking things a little further than that. You weren’t stuck in a closet this time, after all, which meant you had the freedom to do as you pleased. You weren’t sure if Kunikida would want that, though. If he did, then maybe he’d bring it up later.

The taste of his lips were distracting you from your thoughts, making it difficult for you to stress over anything in the first place. You fit together like puzzle pieces— so perfectly, you swore you’ve never felt this comfortable with someone before. He was still nervous, despite how effortlessly he kissed you. You could feel his hands shaking ever so slightly as they ran up and down your sides. His breaths were already labored, and you could feel his rapid pulse beneath your palms, which rest at the slope of his neck. Reluctantly, you pull away, smirking a bit when you see how flushed his face is.

“One second.” you murmur, getting off his lap.

Hurriedly, you place a little sign outside on the doorknob. A subtle indicator to your absent roommate that you were “busy.” Just as quickly, you shut and lock the door, making your way back over to him. Poor Kunikida was sitting there stressing. He was excited, sure, but god he was nervous as hell.

He had no idea what was in store, even though he was the one who came here with intentions. To be honest, he was a bit embarrassed to think you’d be the one taking the lead. Not that he’d object, he just assumed he should be the one calling all the shots, knowing this was his idea in the first place.

You kiss him with no warning, assuming that would calm him down, even though it definitely did the opposite. Kunikida isn’t one to ignore your efforts, though. He kisses back desperately, growing eager from tasting your lips again. You loved how he kept trying to take control, impatiently pulling you back onto his lap. A tiny gasp gets caught in his mouth when you feel his bulge beneath you. He was harder than you thought he’d be at this point, and feeling it right against your sex only flooded your stomach with butterflies. 

It was dark the first time you were exposed to it. Knowing you’d be seeing it again in perfect light made you antsy. You knew it was big, you remember how it felt in your hand, and the way it throbbed in your mouth. To say you were excited to see it again would be an understatement. 

You separate from Kunikida’s needy kiss to remove your shirt, biting your lip when you see his eyes fall to your chest. They linger there a moment, admirably.

“Undress me.” you whisper, taking hold of his wrists to drag his hands across your now bare stomach.

He licks his lips, bringing his attention to your eyes as his palms trail up your back. The eye contact made you blush. It was so intimate you barely realize he had already unclasped your bra and begun slipping it off your shoulders. It falls to the floor, leaving you bare on his lap. You felt a bit uneasy from being so exposed, instinctively turning your head. Kunikida places a kiss on your chest, trailing said kisses along your collarbones up to your jaw.

“You’re beautiful.” he whispers, still littering kisses on your neck.

He appeared to be getting more comfortable, no longer waiting for your guidance and making his own moves. You drape your arms around his neck, trying to bring yourself closer to him while he boldly starts to bruise your skin. It shocked you how worked up you had gotten, and how quickly it seemed to happen. You could feel the tiny wet patch on your panties, bucking your hips forward just a bit to create friction. Kunikida holds onto you, muffling your soft whimper with a kiss.

Your confidence kept faltering, rising and falling in intensity every time he didn’t do something bashfully. You couldn’t blame him for being hesitant in the beginning, still, it excited you to have him in control, even if only for a little. Lost in the trance that was his kiss, you don’t even bat an eye when he swiftly flips you onto your back.

It impressed you, definitely, but you were too focused on his tongue exploring your mouth to be taken aback by it. Kunikida stands at the edge of the bed and quickly removes his shirt. His cheeks remain a bright red as he locks his lips onto your nipple. You moan, arching your back into him. His name falls from your lips sweetly, the sound going straight to his cock, which strains beneath his slacks. 

Kunikida stares up at you with a glimmer in his eyes. The sight of him suckling your breast was one you didn’t expect would get you so riled up. He makes sure to give each of your puffy nipples attention before kissing down your stomach.

Things escalated surprisingly fast, you fully expected him to be a nervous wreck, to be too anxious to do anything on his own. It’s not that you had no faith in him, you just remember the way he was last night. Maybe things were different now, knowing you weren’t at risk of getting caught this time.

Kunikida suddenly stops right below your belly button, reluctantly tracing the waistband of your shorts.

“Is this okay? I-I can stop if you want me to.” he mumbles.

You sit up, propping yourself up on your elbows. “N-no, it’s okay. Please keep going…”

Intently, you watch him slide your shorts down, kneeling between your legs as he discards them to the floor. He sets one of your legs over his shoulder, kissing your knee, up your inner thigh. Your heart is nearly pounding out of your chest, your excitement difficult to contain.

Kunikida pauses when he reaches your panties, giving you a stare that you were surprised to see. You thought he’d be nervous and blushing crazy, yet he wasn’t. His cheeks couldn’t have been a darker crimson, but his eyes were dark. Lustful, even. 

“May I?” he asks, his breath brushing against your heat.

You nod, chewing your lip in anticipation. Kunikida smiles, removing his glasses and setting them on the desk by your bed. The man was gorgeous, you thought so even before he took them off. But to see his eyes unframed was somehow a whole new look that gave you an entirely new feeling.

He situates himself between your legs again, leaving kisses on your stomach as he tugs your panties off. Kunikida stares at you in awe, parting your thighs farther apart to get a better look at you. He hums, grabbing under your knees and pushing your legs up. 

“Tell me what feels good. Teach me how to please you.” he says, lowering his head but keeping his eyes on you.

Tenderly, Kunikida’s lips press against your clit. His tongue darts out, curling around your hardened nub. You gasp, lacing your fingers through his hair and attempting to close your legs but failing. Both his hands were gripping your thighs, holding them open to give him access to what he wanted. He smirks against your sex, flattening his tongue against your folds.

“Do you like that?” he murmurs.

Your back arches when he does it again, “Y-yes.”

Kunikida grins, wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking it softly. The man had your entire body feeling hot. For his first time, he wasn’t too bad. He was taking things slow, paying attention to the way you’d gasp and whine in response to his actions. You couldn’t help but buck your hips a little, pushing his head into you so he’d quicken his pace. He catches the hint almost immediately, lapping at your slick faster with a moan. 

This moment was everything he could’ve imagined it to be. It wasn’t often that Kunikida ever had lewd thoughts, he tried to ignore their intrusiveness, actually. Yet, when it came to you, especially after last night, he couldn’t get them out of his mind. It was only a few hours since you saw each other last, still, pleasuring you was all he thought about in that time you spent apart. 

“Just like that, Kida~” you moan, giving his hair a tug.

Kunikida was relishing your taste, moaning as he runs his tongue all over your sensitive pussy. You struggle to sit still for him, squirming and whining while he eats you out. It amazed you how good it felt, knowing he’s never done this before. Kunikida must’ve been a fast learner, picking up on every little move he needed to make to ensure you’d feel good.

Your breaths grow heavier, your orgasm nearing. You didn’t want to finish so soon but he had you feeling so much more sensitive than usual. With a gentle tug, you pull his hair, non-verbally telling him to stop. He does, lifting his head concerned.

“Does it not feel good?” he asks genuinely, licking his lips clean.

“I-it does, I’m just… I’m getting close…” Your words escape you quietly, like you were embarrassed. 

Kunikida cocks an eyebrow, releasing his hold on your legs so you can sit up straight. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

“It is, but… I don’t know, I just, want this to last longer…” you murmur, turning your head from him.

He chuckles, bringing himself up just enough to kiss your cheek. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

Kunikida keeps his face close to yours, kissing you when you finally look at him. He was so kind, so considerate. It made you feel things you’ve never felt with anyone. No one’s ever treated you this sweetly before, it made your heart flutter. Kissing him now only added to the feeling. You could taste yourself on his lips, the subtle flavor making you moan. 

He needily leans in after you as you briefly separate from the kiss to speak, “Touch me, Kunikida. Please.”

Kunikida bites his lip, setting his hands on your thighs. He kisses you once more, groaning into your mouth. His calloused palms drag up your legs, across your inner thighs. He opens your legs, pushing you down on the bed. He hovers you now, kissing along your jaw down to your neck. You feel his fingers sneak towards your heat, gently brushing your clit and running through your folds. 

Kunikida was quite confident now, nonchalantly taking advantage of the fact that you were sensitive. He was fixated on your neck, nipping at your skin while his fingers toyed with your wetness. You lie there letting him do as he pleased, doing nothing but mewling from his touch.

Your hips rut up into his hand, and you moan a quiet “please” in hopes that he’d stop teasing. He wasn’t teasing you on purpose, but you had become impatient. Kunikida kisses your temple, pushing a finger into your warm cunt with ease.

“F-fuck, one more, p-please.” you whine.

Kunikida does as he’s told, slipping another finger past your slit before curling them both. Your back arches and you whimper his name, gripping the sheets beneath you. Slowly, he starts pumping them in and out of your tight hole, causing your entire body to quiver under his. It didn’t matter how many times you did it yourself, it would never feel as good as this. Having someone else touch you this way, after quite some time of no intimacy, was indescribably sensational. 

“S-so good Kida. Fuck, don’t stop.”

“You sound so pretty moaning for me like that.” he coos, starting to finger you faster.

Swears continue to blend with your moans, your cunt clenching around his digits every time they’d slide back in. Kunikida was honestly surprised he hadn’t cum in his pants yet with how turned on he was. To know he was the reason you were feeling so good was a huge boost to his ego. Hearing such sweet sounds come out of your mouth because of something he was doing had his cock aching in his briefs.

He latches onto one of your breasts, pumping his slender fingers quicker than before. At this point, you weren’t even concerned about holding off any longer. Your stomach had gotten tight minutes ago and you were nearly torturing yourself by denying yourself the release. 

“M’gonna cum, m’gonna cum~!!” you warn, writhing beneath the blonde.

Kunikida smirks, removing his fingers and running them along the length of your pussy. You whine at the absence of feeling full, grabbing his wrist.

“P-please Kunikida… I was so close…”

Without saying anything, he kisses you, rubbing small slow circles into your swollen clit. You whine, arching your back and moaning into his kiss. He smiles against your lips, feeling the confidence from pleasuring you wash over him. Your hips buck up, chasing that high that was so close you could taste it, but he pulls away before you’re able to reach it. He suddenly appeared withdrawn, as if his focus had been shifted. 

“I-is everything alright?” you ask, worried that he may want to stop.

He nods, giving you a quick reassuring peck. 

“I wanted to ask you something…” 

Kunikida steps back, briefly glancing at his fingers which glisten with your essence. His cheeks burn red, eyes falling from your concerned stare while his mind races. He wondered what you’d say if he asked what he wanted, wondered if that was something you’d want too. There was no point standing around like he was, it’d just waste time. 

With a deep breath, he makes eye contact with you, pursing his lips.

“I wanted to ask if you would like to take this a step further…” he pauses, “But, of course, we can stop if you’d prefer to.”

The fact that he even bothered to ask had you struggling to hide your smile. You sit up, letting your eyes not-so-nonchalantly scan his body. They immediately fall to the tent in his slacks, noticing how tight his pants looked due to the bulge beneath them. With a tiny grin, you offer him your hand, gesturing for him to come closer. He takes it, nibbling on his lower lip anxiously.

“I would love to continue this, Kunikida.” you say, tugging him towards you. 

He stands between your legs, respectfully keeping his eyes above your shoulders. His fingers fidget with yours, his nerves starting to get to him again. Gently, you caress his hips, dragging your palms down his sides until your fingers catch his belt loops.

“We’ll take it slow, okay?” you reassure.

This was new territory for him, it was expected that he’d be nervous moving forward. You start to mess with his belt, unbuckling it then undoing his pants, letting them fall to his ankles. Kunikida stands there unsure of what to do, willingly letting you take control but still wondering if he should be doing something. His thoughts are immediately shifted when you grope him, a choked moan escaping him.

You giggle at his sensitivity, giving him another soft squeeze just to hear him moan. Your fingers dip into the waistband of his briefs, tugging them to the floor. His erection springs free, twitching when it touches the cold air.

There was pre dribbling from his slit, the sight making your mouth water. Just seeing him hard in front of you reminded you of last night — the way he filled your throat, the way he tasted, the way all of those things combined gave you something to fantasize about when he went home.

The pad of your thumb swipes across his tip delicately, the action making the blonde gasp. Kunikida stares down at you with blown out pupils, watching as your hand wraps around his length, languidly stroking him.

“Y/n,” he breathes, bucking his hips forward just enough to indicate he was getting impatient. 

You spit on his cock, pumping him a little faster. He throws his head back, moaning your name again. You could feel him throbbing under your touch, your own arousal aching simply from feeling the way he was as well.

Your pace slows once more just to tease him, and he impulsively takes hold of your wrist, stopping you entirely.

“Do you want me to stop?” you question, worried he might’ve changed his mind about all this.

“I want you,” he says with sincerity in his eyes.

A smile creeps onto your face and you rise to your feet. You kiss him tenderly, nibbling his lower lip just to drive him crazy, before quickly rummaging through your bedside table. Kunikida patiently sits on your bed, shamelessly staring at your naked body before diverting his attention when you finally turn around. 

Eagerly, you open the condom you grabbed, kindly putting it on for him just as an excuse to touch him. You lube him up really quick then straddle his lap, locking lips with him almost immediately. His hands find your waist, pulling you closer to feel some type of friction. 

“Mm, lie down for me,” you whisper against his lips.

He does as he’s told, and as soon as his back hits the mattress, you’re lining him up at your entrance. You both suck in a breath when his tip slips in. Slowly, you lower yourself onto him, pausing when every inch is buried.

“A-are you okay?” Kunikida asks, already blissed out but trying to check in through the fuzziness.

“Mhm,” you nod, “Y-you’re a little bigger than I expected…”

It’s not like this was the first time you saw it — you already knew he was above average with everything that’s happened prior to this — but actually having him inside you was a bit of a wake up call.

His thumbs rub circles into your waist, non-verbally letting you know to take as long as you need. In all honesty, he didn’t mind having you sit here. Kunikida worried that he’d finish too soon if you started moving, though the action of you doing so didn’t give him any more time to think about it.

Your palms rest flat against his chest, thighs framing his body as you roll your hips. He sucks in a shaky breath, squeezing your waist in attempts to hold himself together. You do him no favors though, beginning to bounce on top of him with a whimper.

Kunikida shuts his eyes, groaning in response to your movements. He’s never felt anything like this before. He thought having your mouth on him last night was overwhelming, this was an entirely new experience. The way your body moved against his had his head spinning. He could feel the way your cunt convulsed around him, seeing the way your body shivered on top of his because of him. It did wonders for his ego, giving back some of his confidence. He mutters out some praise, pressing his fingers into your waist to push you down.

“K-Kunikida,” you whine, “s’good- fuck.”

You bounce a little faster, fighting through his tight grasp to move how you wanted. He squirms beneath you, growing restless.

“Mmm, switch- switch with me,” he rasps, “Please.”

As quick as possible, you get off of him, lying on your back. Just as quickly, he readjusts, slipping back into your warmth with ease. You both moan, satisfied to be so close again. You hook your legs around his waist and he grabs your hands, entwining his fingers with yours to pin them above your head. The position changes ever so slightly and you can feel him much deeper. Your back arches, a little yelp escaping you.

Kunikida leans down to kiss your neck, grunting in your ear. His thrusts were shockingly steady for a first-timer, each one a bit rougher than the last. You thought he’d be more easy-going, yet again, you had the man extremely worked up it was no surprise he was eager. His thrusts were desperate, hips stuttering each time his cock dragged along your gummy walls. 

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he says in one breath, squeezing your hands and pressing his forehead to yours, “‘M’getting close.”

Having him grunt and pant above you triggered that familiar feeling in your tummy. The intimacy of holding hands, having his face so close to yours, hearing such deep moans ringing in your ears — every little thing made you swoon. 

“M-me too,” you mewl, your words barely coming out due to the moan you let out instead.

Kunikida finally seems to lose it, bucking his hips fervently. He sighs, cursing under breath. Your body trembles under him, legs squeezing his form to bring him closer as if he wasn’t already glued to you. Having your hands pinned prevented you from touching him — keeping you from feeling his hot skin against your palms or his silky hair between your fingers. You enjoyed it though, the restraint turned you on somehow.

You’re incapable of keeping still, arching your back or attempting to rut your hips up as your orgasm inches closer. All it took to send you over was hearing Kunikida tell you he was at the edge too.

“Shit, I- m’cumming, fuck-” he grunts, stopping in place as his orgasm rips through him.

You feel his hot cum pooling inside you and into the condom, the feeling making you moan out his name as you release around him. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he pants, letting go of your hands to bury his face in the crook of your neck.

You’re both riding out your highs, chests heaving and hearts beating rapidly. Tiredly, you drape your arms over his shoulders, holding him close.

“You don’t have to apologize,” you chuckle, worn, “You wore a condom for a reason.”

You can’t see the blush that appears on his face but you know it’s there. Embarrassed, he kisses your neck, pulling out to lie beside you. He takes the condom off his softening erection and ties it closed, tossing it into the trash beside your bed. You sigh unanimously, grinning like idiots as today’s event starts to settle in.

“You were really good, y’know,” you turn to look at him, flushed.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers, grabbing your hand and kissing your knuckles.

The two of you fall silent, basking in the afterglow. When your breaths finally steady, you move over, shifting to rest your head on Kunikida’s chest. He freezes, taken aback by the suddenness of it.

“I really like you Kunikida,” you mumble, tracing circles on his skin, “I regret not telling you sooner.”

“I like you too,” he responds, gently placing a hand on your head.

You smile, happy with the way things played out. You’ve always had a feeling he had a crush on you, though it was nice to hear him actually say it. What this meant for you both should’ve been obvious, though you’d take things slow from here.

You obviously wanted to be with each other, to put a label on this spontaneous relationship you fell into. Still, you’d enjoy this moment before anything, quietly appreciating the comfortable silence and leaving the discussion of your relationship for another time.

taglist! [ @leviamere @thepyroarchon @yuuotosaka3 @alice0blog @sev0-0 @soaringmirror @snake-titan @jolynesstepmom @your-fave-jewish-magical-girl ]

[metalbuckaroo]

Hi! So from the prompt list, could you do the 44th dialogue prompt where reader and roommate!Bucky are talking and bucky just keeps falling in love with her more and more but reader is oblivious to his flirting bc she doesn't think anybody wants her and while they are talking and bonding one evening they fall into the category of relationships as the topic of the conversation (sorry if it doesn't make sense, english isn't my first language)

Bad Night

Summary: After a bad date, Bucky offers his help.

Warnings: Some angst, lil fluffy, pretty cheesy, mentions of sex,

AU: Roommate!Bucky x reader

AN: After 3 days I'm finally letting this go. Not very sure how this got so long, but part of me wants to make a part 2 if that would interest anyone.

Prompt from this list. Requests are always open, reblogs and feedback are appreciated.

MASTERLIST

"Hey, dollface, can you look at something for me?" You heard Bucky call, his footsteps getting closer to your room. "If it has to do with your testicles, then no. I will not."

He stopped in your doorway, eyes wide as he looked you over. "Oh, wow. Where you going? Got a hot date you didn't tell me about?" He teased, walking further into the room.

"Yeah, hopefully this one actually goes decent. Now what do you need?"

He turned so his back was to you and pulled his shirt off. "This place on my scar is all itchy. Does it look irritated?"

Until that day you had came home early from work to Bucky standing in the kitchen shirtless. He had expected you to immediately look at the cluster of scar tissue on his shoulder and never see him the same. Instead, you had just greeted him like any other day; a warm smile that made his heart melt before blabbering about your day and asking him about his.

This hadn't been the first time he'd asked for you to inspect a spot on his jagged scar. Although for the first month he'd make it a point to cover it, not wanting to freak you out.

That's when he got more comfortable, walking around without a shirt or just in a towel after a shower. When your smile started making his heart melt even more than before.

You touched your fingers to a small red blotch on the spot where dark metal met skin and he shivered slightly, goosebumps forming on his skin. "Yeah, it is a little. Try putting lotion on it."

He sighed and turned to face you, looking down at your dress. "Who is this guy? Do I know him?" He said cocking an eyebrow at you. "I tried that stupid dating app you suggested." You exhaled, shrugging your shoulders.

Narrowing his eyes at you, he shook his head. "You're not going." He said folding his arms across his chest. You raised your eyebrows and copied his actions. "And whys that?"

"Because, I should've never told you to try it. Dating apps are full of weird people." He muttered, going over to your dresser. "Murderers, stalkers, creepy cat people."

He opened the drawer and pulled out some clothes to stuff into your hands. "Which is why, you're staying in with me." He smiled, sparkling white teeth flashing at you.

Rolling your eyes you put the clothes back in their spots. "If I don't go on a decent date for once, I'm going to end up a creepy cat person. Besides, not all cat people are creepy. Mrs. Lawrey is really nice."

"She's an exception." He nodded, following you towards your bedroom door and down the hall. "If it makes you feel better, I'll text you if he starts acting creepy."

He huffed a breath and grabbed your shoulders, spinning you around to look at him. "Fine, but, that means I get to come rescue my girl if he does."

You felt a slight blush creep your neck and moved away from him to slip your shoes on. "You're just saying that, because I pay half of the bills." You said, opening the front door.

"And you cook pretty good. Now, go on. Be safe." He teased, swatting at your backside as you walked out into the hallway. "Try not to break anything, please." You told him on your way down the hallway.

"Not making a promise I might break."

_____

The date had went horrible, one slip up and he said a few choice words to you before calling a cab to leave.

You swiped your fingertips under your eyes to erase any sign of crying before you got to your front door, wanting to avoid Bucky at all costs.

"Hey, dollface. Back already?" He said from the living room. "Yeah..." You mumbled back, trying to make a break for your bedroom to change.

Bucky could tell something was wrong by how you weren't rambling about everything that happened. "Oh, no you don't. Get back in here."

You exhaled and turned back around to look at him. "What, James?" You sighed, walking closer to where he was sat in a recliner. "What'd he do?" He said, narrowing his eyes at you. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"You're crying, I wanna know why. What'd he do?" You rolled your eyes at his stern voice and shook your head. "Just didn't go very well." You said, sucking in a deep breath.

They never did. As soon as you let one little fact slip, they'd high tail. You would've been better off staying home like Bucky had suggested.

Bucky's voice broke you from your self pity. "C'mere." His hand reached out to grab your wrist and tug you closer. "I'm not sitting on your lap, that's weird."

He scrunched his nose up and shook his head. "Doesn't have to be. Stop being a brat and let me comfort you."

Once you were sat on his right thigh with your side against him, he wrapped his arms around you and leaned his head back against the chair. "This should be our new bonding method. Feels like we're getting closer by the second."

You teetered your head back and forth, pressing your lips into a thin line. "Maybe because, I'm on your lap. That's pretty close."

A soft pat to your thigh and he was looking directly at you, blue eyes dancing back and forth in curiosity.

He wanted to know what made you so sad and torn up about one stupid date. "Tell me about it?"

You took another deep breath and he lifted his head so you could slip your arm behind his neck. "Every single time I go on a date, they mention sex. As soon as I tell them I'm a virgin they're gone. Tonight's was just extra rude about it."

His eyebrows creased together, hand moving to your knee. "You're a virgin? How?"

You looked at the ceiling, tapping a finger to your chin as if you were thinking. "Hm, could be from never having sex." You said the most obvious answer.

"No, I mean-" he huffed a laugh and gestured a hand over you. "Look at you."

You pinched his side and he narrowed his eyes at you. "I thought we told each other everything?" He mumbled, his lips turning down into a frown.

"No, James. You tell me everything. I don't tell you near as much." You said patting his chest, the chain of his dog tags cool on your palm. "You don't have to, I know a lot just by paying attention." He said, giving a nonchalant shrug.

"Now, explain, miss goody-two-shoes. Why hasn't anyone popped your cherry?"

You looked to your lap and pursed your lips. "When I was younger I never felt the need to lose it. Now, I can't seem to find a guy who doesn't want to have sex on the first date. I'm not losing it to someone I barely know."

When Bucky stayed silent you looked at him, he was chewing on the inside of his cheek and you could see the gears turning as he looked at you.

He wanted to offer his help, but didn't want to scare you away. That was the whole reason he hadn't said how he felt over the past couple of months.

Although, he wasn't sure how you never noticed. How you hadn't noticed the lingering touches and looks, everything he'd say.

You had waved it off as mindless flirting because that's how he played it off; as him being a flirt without any serious intentions.

"You're being quiet and it's weird. Say something." You said flicking the tip of his nose. "I'll do it. If you wanna lose it, I'll do it. I know a lot about you."

"Buck-" you shook your head, trying to wrap your head around what he was saying. "You can't be serious." You said breathing a soft laugh.

He nodded and his hand on your knee moved to the back of your thigh.

You felt heat rush to your cheeks as you looked at him, his strong features completely serious. "I'm gonna go to bed. Its late."

Just like Bucky thought would happen, he was scaring you away. "Wait- no, come back." He said as you pulled out of his grip and stood.

You shook your head and cleared your throat. "Nope, not coming back. I know you don't mean it because... You're Bucky and you say shit like that all the time, so..." You inhaled deeply and started towards the hallway. "I'm gonna go get ready for bed."

Bucky stood from the chair and followed after you. "Sugar, wait." He grabbed your wrist gently and tugged you towards him, nearly crashing you into his chest.

In a sudden movement, his hands held your cheeks and his lips engulfed yours, the abrupt motion causing you to stumble a step back; your hands flying up to grip the sides of his shirt.

The kiss was slow and deep, the taste of his minty toothpast flooding your tastebuds when he slipped his tongue pass your lips.

He pulled away after a moment, looking at your shocked expression. "I mean it."

[babyboiboyega]

I can explain (Shangqi x f!reader)

Shangqi x f!reader

Prompt: “When everything’s going wrong, the mere thought of you makes it right.” + never wanting to pull away kiss

Content: a little angst, but more fluff

Word Count: 1.6k

Babyboiboyega’s Marvel Masterlist

A/N: this is my first ever time writing for Shangqi (or Shang-Chi), and I already have a lot of other ideas for this incredibly loveable character.

I hope you all enjoyed this!

A heavy sigh left Y/N’s mouth as she unceremoniously dropped onto her couch. The feeling of her limbs relaxing into the cushions almost prompted a moan of relief to follow the heavy sigh. It did, however, make her eyes flutter closed as she leaned her head back.

Y/N had been thinking of this moment the entire day. The moment when her week ended and her weekend began; a weekend of not having to deal with rude, angry-at-the-world customers who decide to yell at her because a privately owned publishing warehouse doesn’t print the book that they want. Or the customers who don’t check their emails for their tracking information and then get mad at her, for some absurd reason.

Another sigh leaves her mouth, and this time with the sigh goes her thoughts of work, entering the empty air for the weekend. 

But being off on the weekend didn’t exactly mean being absolved of texts and calls from fellow coworkers, ranting about customers, or even management. So when her phone’s ringer went off, signaling a new incoming text, she simply kept her eyes closed. She certainly had enough time to read and reply...but maybe later.

The text had already migrated to the back of her mind in the span of a few seconds...and then her phone went off again. This time, two quick “dings” sounded through her apartment. 

Her eyes opened before she slowly sat up, her phone coming into view. Before she could spare another though about her phone and it’s notifications, her hand quickly reached for the remote and pressed the power button.

She managed to flip through a few channels before her phone rang once more, and this time it was accompanied by a few knocks on her door.

Completely disregarding the fact that it was almost 11 at night and she hadn’t been expecting anyone, and being fueled by her now very obvious annoyance, it only took her a few strides to reach her door. In all honesty, she’d had no idea what she was going to say to whoever was on the other side of her door; but whatever had been ready to leave her lips died as soon as she opened the door.

“Shaun?”

She hadn’t been able to control the volume and surprise in her voice, and she saw his grimace in response. She couldn’t find it in herself to care if he didn’t like the volume in her voice; the very next emotions she felt surge through her body was...well, it was a cross between worry and anger. 

“Y/N...hey.” He had a sheepish smile on his face; one that showed off his dimple. One that she had to restrain from returning. But then she remembered the last time she had seen that same smile and the last time she had even heard from him. Her eyebrows raised incredulously.

“‘Hey?’ ‘Hey’?? That’s all...that’s all you have to say to me after being gone for...a month? And some weeks?” 

She could hear the hurt in her own voice, and it made her want to cringe at herself.

‘He could have been doing more important things than worrying about you’ is all that went through her mind.

Her arms crossed self-consciously in front of her.

“Please, let me explain. It’s… it’s actually crazier than you think.”

The hesitance on her part came from her nagging thoughts that flipped between “he was genuinely busy” and “he’s about to make up some absurd excuse for why he hasn’t spoken to you while also letting you down gently”.

“May I come in?” His eyebrows were raised as he gently asked for her permission. Y/N quickly nodded and stepped to the side before her thoughts could scare her too much.

His eyes stayed on her as he stepped past her, entering her apartment. She took a second to take a deep breath before closing the door behind him. 

She briefly wondered how her face looked as she turned to face him. Did she look as hurt and worried as she felt? Could he see her feelings on her face?

“I’m sorry for disappearing for...as long as I did. And I’m sorry for not reaching out at all during that time. But I can explain why.”

His eyes followed her figure as she walked slowly around her kitchen counter. He made no effort to hide the pleading look in his eyes, and he only began talking when Y/N raised her eyebrows from across the counter. 

“Okay. Just...bare with me.” Y/N’s eyes narrowed and more questions filled her mind as she watched him take a breath as if he were bracing himself. 

Y/N hadn’t known what to expect when he had started talking, but she definitely wasn’t expecting a story filled with martial arts, trained assassins, ancient organizations, soul-sucking demons, and dragons. 

Even after he had explained everything, his eyes watching and waiting for her reaction, she still couldn’t find the words to express herself.

Her body was frozen in its same position, and her eyes were wide and staring right at him. As the silence stretched between them, he couldn’t help grimacing slightly once again.

“Also, my name isn’t really Shaun. It’s Shangqi.”

That last piece of information seemed to finally shake Y/N out of her stupor, as she blinked quickly and let out a quick breath. 

“I...I don’t know what to say.” In all honesty, all of this was kind of making her head spin, and it was evident in the way her breathing picked in just the slightest. 

“W-What exactly do you say to someone who’s just saved the world? ‘Thank you’? ‘I owe you my life’- because, I guess, technically, I do owe you my life. Because of you, I still have my life- or my soul.”

At her rambling, Shangqi’s expression shifted from one of wariness to relief to a little worried. It had only just crossed his mind that he was worried that she wouldn’t believe him, and not worried about how she would receive the information.

She believed every word that had just come from his mouth, simply because she knew that he wouldn’t lie about something like this. She knew that he wouldn’t lie to her… at least she hoped he wouldn’t.

“You don’t have to say anything. I...I just needed you to know why I was gone. The thought of letting you go one more second thinking I just...left you was driving me crazy.”

A humorless laugh forced its way through Y/N’s lips. 

“Yeah, thinking I had driven you away was driving me crazy too.”

Before she could even regret her words, her eyes were drawn to Shangqi, whose head was shaking quickly. In a few steps, he had walked around the counter, coming to a stop a few feet from her. 

“That was never the case, I swear. You could never drive me away, not even if you tried.”

At the minuscule smile that appeared on her face, he risked taking another step forward. 

From where he stood, he could smell faint traces of her favorite perfume that had slowly worn off during her day. Her favorite perfume had quickly become his favorite scent, simply because it reminded him of her. 

From where she stood, she could easily see the faint signs of exhaustion on his face. No doubt from the strains of the last month and a half. It made her want to reach out to him. 

“Every second, from the moment we left, all I could think about was coming back to you. Even while staring into the face of a-”

“A mega soul-sucking demon?”

The quiet laugh that left his mouth seemed to weigh on her body, but not with pressure. Instead, all she felt was warmth, and it coursed through her veins with the power of 11 suns.

“Yes,” there was laughter in his voice as he responded, “even while staring into the face of a mega soul-sucking demon.”

As he spoke, he had gradually moved forward until taking a deep breath would easily have their chests brushing against each other.

Y/N couldn’t keep the tremor out of her voice as she spoke, her eyes flickering between Shangqi’s.

“You...you really thought of me when you were saving the world?”

Her eyes fluttered closed as his hand raised and gently cupped her cheek. Soon after, she felt pressure from his forehead connecting with hers. Without hesitation, her own hands lifted, coming to grasp at his sides, desperate to pull him closer.

His breath fanned across her face as he spoke, and it made her hands tighten.

“When everything’s going wrong, the mere thought of you always makes it right.”

His words were quickly swallowed by Y/N’s lips pressing against his with fervor. The hand that was on her cheek gently titled her head back as he kissed her back with just as much passion, while his other hand wound around her waist. They both pulled at the other, as if they couldn’t get close enough. 

The warmth that had been coursing through her veins quickly turned into leg-numbing electricity the longer their lips were connected. Her eyes were closed, and so were his, but they could both see the other’s face behind their lids, surrounded by the stars their presence created. 

The only thing that could pull them apart was the need for air, and even then, as their foreheads connected and their lips stayed hovering over each other’s, they breathed the same air.

Shangqi’s words were shaky as he spoke, his thumb rubbing circles into her skin.

“You make everything right.”

**********

Once again, I hope you all enjoyed this! I would take requests for this character, but I still have a ton of requests for LOK....

But maybe sometime in the near future!

In the meantime, I would appreciate it if y’all would interact in any way with this! Comments, criticism, questions, etc would be amazing, as would reblogs, but even just liking this helps!

Stay safe, y’all!

[kkat-astrophic]

fr!!! I just noted the main ones. But the thing is they can be mischaracterised in more ways than one it makes me want to cry-

(Also, I never realised how much I had to say about certain characters until I genuinely started ranking them, and I'm only up to the 7th opinion bro- I'll post it later.)

Danganronpa needed more TIME, especially for characters like Leon "Junko" or even Chihiro whom we didn't get to know properly before they died because they weren't a big part of the plot beforehand. If Leon had some more time in the game or even onscreen it would've made the game so much better, because his fanon is: "11037 joke, killed Sayaka for no reason, used her." If we got time to develop Leon more as a character and see that he's actually a chill nice fella, the fanon would be different, and I know Leon isn't at the top of your list ranking at all but he's just an example, and him not getting enough time and dying too early is a factor in that opinion

I'm going to ramble some more about canon v fanon stuff for certain characters who were genuinely butchered.

Sayaka:

Fanon: "Snake, betrayed Makoto, dumb for trying to kill a star athlete"

She needed more time for us to see WHY she was so scared, we can't just immediately know that the world "forgot about her" we need more of a concrete understanding to her motives other than "snake".

More on Sayaka and Leon specifically here because me and my amazing moot rambled about them for like... AGES! (Reblog 3 is about Sayaka canon v fanon and reblog 9 is about Leon canon v fanon.)

Chihiro:

Fanon: Cutie patootie amazing pure wholesome baby sweetheart sugar plum bunny rabbit would never do anything wrong golden child amazing sweetest thing in the world pure angelic angel masterpiece.

Fanon 2: Weak femboy, one of the weakest in the whole franchise.

Fanon 3: T R A N S

Canon: Chihiro is a complex character that I'll be reviewing next in my canon v fanon discussion. Fanon one is... just..... even though Chihiro didn't do anything wrong in the game, that doesn't mean that he is perfect guys!

Genuinely the exact same for Kiyotaka because GODDAM they may not have had any wrongdoings in the kg, but I'm sure if they had time and survived longer they would slip up somewhere. In fact I even have a list of things Ishimaru did wrong in his short time in the KG, which can be found here. (this took me SO LONG to find please check it out guys-) If the ult. Moral Compass/Hall Monitor can slip up, then so can the Programmer.

CHIHIRO ISN'T WEAK HE IS LITERALLY STRONGER IN MONDO IN THE SENSE WHERE HE CAN ADMIT WHERE HE IS WRONG AND TRY TO OVERCOME HIS FEARS AND TRAUMA AND STUFF. I saw a ranking where Chihiro was ranked #10 weakest out of all Danganronpa characters (the ranking was based off physicals, mental, and psychological strength) and I was spewing. I had to like take a minute to just stop and breathe.

NUMBER THREE: We don't know Chihiros gender 14 years later, I don't really have much to say about this head canon because a lot of people do say that Chihiro is transgender, and I have no hate to them as it's their personal thoughts on a character that was warped and butchered into so many different versions of fanon. I think of Chihiro as a demi-boy (he/they pref.) as that was what I used in my LOVELY *coughs cries* Wattpad fanfiction once upon a time (September last year...) but like... you do you. I'm goin to let somebody else rant about the Chihiro gender discourse in the fandom and hope for the best for them because it's a very hard thing to get into and there are so many theories I don't even know what to believe.

anyways yea :0

I'm feeling like being controversial today. Here, take some DR character opinions. Clutch your pearls besties

17- Makoto. I feel nothing for this character, in any positive or negative direction. To me, he's only ever been the vessel for which THH takes place for the player. That's kind of it. Bro is just chilling. (Note: these opinions are exclusive to the THH game.)

16- Leon. He suffers from what I like to call chapter 1 syndrome. Not only was he killed extremely early, but he had no plot or character significance before or after the fact in-game. I think the idea of a character that hates their talent is really interesting, and his design slaps, but he just didn't have any sticking power for me.

15- Yasuhiro. He's got funny moments here and there (the ghost bit in the ch 5 trial never fails to make me laugh) but he has no story. They don't do anything with him besides 'stupid occult man' jokes, and I can't help but feel like there was wasted potential to do something with his fortune-telling talent that was only ever used as another gag of his stupidity. Disappointing as a character, but at least he was around longer than Leon.

14- Byakuya. Asshole characters are always hit-or-miss for me, and Byakuya missed by a ton. I know he *technically* got showed up during the chapter 4 trial, but getting upstaged once and acting like nothing happened afterwards isn't enough of a character arc for me to find him surviving over so many others in the cast worth it. He's also just pretty weak as an antagonist in comparison to the others in the series(not to mention there was an objectively better option for antag in this very cast). He's the type of character I'd probably like way more in like, Ace Attorney, but here I just got so sick of hearing him speak.

13- Hifumi. I can appreciate the attempt to make a subversion of the 'perverted nerd' character, but they failed the second they actually made him a perverted nerd, even if they gave him that bare minimum ideal of rape being bad. Fanon interpretations of what could've been prop him up for me a good bit, too.

12- Mukuro. Similar to Makoto, she feels like a character that exists to serve a narrative purpose, and we never really meet her as herself in-game. Unlike Makoto, we actually got FTEs playable in the post-game that allude to a greater story with her and her doubt in despair that makes her retroactively more tragic and adds both to herself and her sister.

11- Toko. They just didn't do enough with her in THH to warrant me placing her any higher than this. I think the differences between her and Genocider are interesting, and I wish they'd been given more growth in the game instead of spending the entire game post-chapter 2 pining over and stalking Byakuya. Toko gets ranked lower because she wasn't as fun to have onscreen and I got sick of her insisting people disliked her for being ugly, even though she's pretty conventionally attractive beyond having glasses.

10- Junko. She was an incredible mastermind twist and had a ton of charisma and presence in the final trial, from her sprites to the VA's performance, but they just didn't use her enough to warrant putting her any higher than the characters above.

9- Mondo. I like the characters he's attached to more than I do Mondo himself. I like the 2-sided coin of toxic masculinity they write between him and Chihiro, and I love his relationship with Taka, but I just don't care much for him outside of what he provides for those characters. He's fine.

8- Genocider. Basically everything I said with Toko, but she's way more entertaining from her cheery and violent personality and is just more expressive and fun. I got excited whenever she came onscreen because I knew I was about to have a good time.

7- I don't think you could change Kyoko's role in the story much at all without drastically altering the game as a whole. Makoto may be the POV, but Kyoko is undoubtedly the main character of THH and not only is she the most capable member of the class, but her growth as she opens up to Y/N Makoto and puts her faith not only in the absolute truth, but also hope is beautiful to watch, especially as we get to learn the mystery of who she is and where she came from. In another world, she'd be my #1, but I've never actually shed tears for her so she ends up as low as 7th.

6- I'd say from an objective standpoint, Sakura is probably the most well-written character in THH. Her internal conflict as she's forced to play the role of spy paired with her rapidly growing relationship with Hina as she finally, finally finds someone that sees her as the woman she so desperately wants to be acknowledged as, growing past her greatest weakness- her fear- to stand up to Monokuma, and having to take the role of a fighter on for a class of people that hated her to be both victim and killer, freeing her classmates from having to become either- I think I've made my point. I still wish we'd gotten that 3rd-person fighter about Sakura.

5- When I went into THH, I fully expected Hina to be a dumb blonde character for the entire game, with no substance beyond her character design. Maybe that low expectation was what made her shoot so high up my list. She wasn't the smartest character, sure, and the game definitely focuses on her body an uncomfortable amount, but she still has an incredible arc in her relationship with Sakura. Her depiction of grief is so deeply emotional, and her sense of justice, which up until then had been alluded to but never put into her hands, became a weapon that almost took down the entire class with her tears. Not only does she lose her best friend, but she's then manipulated by Monokuma to make that pain so much worse by pinning the blame for her loss on everyone around her and herself. Her attempt of a murder-suicide of the entire class followed by the reading of Sakura's real will and her guilt and regret afterwards is one of the strongest moments of the series. I've always thought if Makoto didn't exist, Hina would've been a great choice for a protagonist for this game, since she starts with that same optimism and easygoing ability to make friends that Makoto does, but is a strong character in her dedication to her sports and fierce love of those closest to her.

4- As a trans man, Chihiro's story was a lot like looking in a mirror, especially when I was playing the game as someone who'd only just started opening the closet door. His insecurities due to his body and his attempts to forcibly feminize himself to receive acceptance and masquerade as something he wasn't was something I was intensely familiar with, and the tragedy of his finally gaining enough confidence to open up to a close friend and seek out help to try and become his true self, only to be betrayed by said friend and killed before he ever got the chance, was one of the best personal gut punches I've gotten from this series. Regardless of the transphobia and misogyny written into said storyline, he's a character I'll never not relate to. There's a ton to dive into with Chihiro's character writing, and he's one of those characters I can tear into like a raw steak and go not only into how he's treated by the show, but also by how many ways there are to write him better than the game actually did and all the different ways different corners of the fandom have treated him. (Also, to be clear, I'm not opposed to transfem Chihiros hcs, I'm using he/him bc that's what's canon.)

3- Taka. My beloved boy, underrated outside of his relationship with Mondo. I'll defend this man until the day I die, and will always believe he should've been a member of the surviving cast over Hiro. His constant uphill battle with trying to connect with and protect his classmates only to fail at every turn from his lack of understanding of social norms, going as far as to rationalize hobbies as a form of studying in his first FTE, and his pure joy in finally connecting with someone being decimated by the reality that that man went on to be a killer is so powerful. Watching him completely snap and go near comatose, only being pulled out of stasis by the news that an AI of Chihiro still exists and begging for forgiveness for not being able to prevent his death was shattering, and his fusion with his perception of Mondo pushing him over the edge only to be killed unceremoniously in the background of Celeste's plan was infuriating. This man struggled and clawed his way through the first half of the game for whatever scraps of screentime the creators would leave him, and then they tossed him out when they couldn't think of anything better to do. Justice for my man!!!

2- Celeste. Remember when I said there was a character more well-suited for the role of antagonist than Byakuya in this game? Well, this is she. Not only would she have worked as a narrative foil to the player, as Makoto and Celeste are both in the class for their luck-based talent, but she would've had a much more powerful and thematic rivalry with Kyoko, the girl who seeks out absolute truth, as the girl who wraps herself in a veil of lies. I already found her fascinating as she was, having a character that's unashamedly a bad person and follows her own ideals with no regard for the effects on the rest of the class beyond how easy it'd be to manipulate them, but her lack of regard for the class trials and refusal to cooperate could've been how she functioned as an antagonist, refusing to help the group when it didn't immediately serve her or intentionally leaving out details that put her in a bad position. Essentially, she'd function as an antagonist in a way inverse to how Kokichi functioned, which not only would've been phenomenal for THH, but for the parallel storytelling V3 later goes on to employ. That said, that's all hypothetical, but even without all of that, she's still an intriguing character that I can't stop thinking about.

1- Sayaka. I hated Sayaka when I first started playing, not because of anything she was doing, but because I didn't like how the game was seemingly gluing her to Makoto's hip. I didn't like having to slough my way through tutorial after tutorial going through her to talk to the entire rest of the class, and I didn't like being forced to burn my first FTE on her when there were other characters I wanted to learn about. I cheered when I found her body because it meant I wouldn't have to jump through hoops to speak to the other characters anymore. All that hatred dissipated as the first trial took place. Taking the cutesy sidekick girl and making her not only the first victim (something that was huge for the genre at the time) but also going on to reveal that she was actively betraying us and plotting to frame us for murder to save herself and her fellow idols was a genius move. Since then, Sayaka has become a stronger presence in my mind for this series, and her impact on the series as a whole can't be overstated. She put the first killing game into motion. She carried with her the first despair, and inspired the first hope from Makoto. Her desperation for a dream she had to fight tooth and nail for, that desire to hang onto her dream that'd kept her going for so long pushes forward everything. 11037 became a staple point for the series and the fandom, not just because of the poor western translation, but also because that was her point of regret, the guilt that stopped her from killing Leon successfully and ultimately saved everyone, her final moments being to save Makoto and the others. Every moment spent with her at the beginning is designed not just to make her seem like the desirable sidekick girl, but also to weave into your perception of her the darkness she carries on the inside, the dedication and determination to remain liked and retain her fame by any means necessary, feigning being agreeable yet still unwittingly developing genuine feelings for someone who's nothing but genuine. The money I'd pay for a prequel anime about Sayaka's rise to the title of SHSL Idol is unreasonably high.

[dollslayer]

By Its Cover

Dark!Librarian!Steve Rogers x Shy!Reader, College AU

Summary: Your late nights at the university library spark a chain of events. Will they lead to your undoing? To anyone else's?

W/C: 8,890 (oops, sorry)

Warnings: DARK themes, NO MINORS, stalking, murder, minor character death, smut, angst, unprotected sex, oral sex, alcohol consumption, swearing

A/N: FINALLY, I wrote this for @darkficsyouneveraskedfor's 2 Years of Darkness challenge! This fic kicked my ass but after some months I'm so excited about it! This is my first truly dark fic so please don't read if any of these topics upset you but I do want to make a note that the sex is consensual. If I missed any warnings please DM me immediately and I will add them. Reblog/comment if you liked it! Maybe even check out some of my other fics 👀 Cheers!

Main Masterlist

You stumbled slightly on the uneven pavement as you made the final steps towards the graduate school library. It was always so much quieter than the undergrad library and at this hour there’d be a good chance it was just you and the poor person stuck working the overnight help desk. You didn’t mind that though, you were never an overly sociable person and you preferred to work alone anyways.

You swiped your student ID through the sensor and the little green light granted you entry as you opened the door. Looking around there wasn’t even someone at the desk, just the sound of the always-on A/C rattling the leaves of the fake plants in the lobby.

You moved to put your ID away when it slipped from your fingers and plapped onto the floor, your own face staring back up to you from the plastic. You sighed and swung your bag further back over your shoulder as you bent to pick it up when a pair of legs edged their way into your vision. Caught off guard by the man attached to them, you watched him bend to pick up the piece of plastic.

You both straightened back up to your full heights and you found yourself looking up at him. He had clear blue eyes and sandy blond hair that was swept back. He looked like he could be a model, he was so handsome and you felt like a deer in headlights.

You realized that he had your ID in his hand and was waiting patiently for you to take it. You smiled awkwardly and took it from him. He looked back to your card and read your name out loud and snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you” you said more in surprise than gratitude “Sorry, I just, I could’ve sworn no one was here you came out of nowhere” You laughed nervously, hoping to hide your embarrassment. You were never good with talking to people and once a situation got awkward you just got yourself deeper in it.

“I was just coming around the corner when I noticed you dropped your ID. I actually work the late shift at the desk. Serves me right for applying last minute for work through the university, right?” He asked with a small laugh.

“Late night cram session? You look like your back’s about to snap from holding all those books” He pointed to your bag, the stitches of it’s straps were frayed and had been sewn over a couple of times.

“Yeah, I like coming here late, hardly anyone’s here, I don’t have to deal with people and I can just focus” You explained

“Right, well, sorry to keep you. If you need anything I’m Steve, and I’ll be bored out of my mind at the desk” he smirked and walked back towards reception.

You turned down the hall and thought how strange it was that you’d never seen him here before. It was the middle of the semester so he couldn’t have just started but you were in here all the time and you’d never run into him once. You brushed the thought off and continued on your way.

____

Over the next few weeks you and Steve developed a routine. You’d come in around 10 or 11, you’d stop at the desk and chat a bit and then you’d head up to your spot on the second floor to study. Occasionally Steve would see you when he returned books and you’d joke around a bit before he’d leave you to your work. You were building a good rapport with each other and he was pleased.

Sometimes he’d been too shy to approach you. It made him feel like the scrawny, helpless kid he was before the growth spurt. Beautiful girls like you never looked twice at him but he knows that you’re different, he knows that if you had met him then that you’d never treat him like those girls did. He knows that in time you two could really have something special.

Steve understood that building a relationship with you would take time and balance. He didn’t want to seem too eager but ever since he saw you he knew he’d do anything to just talk to you.

It started some months ago when he was visiting Bucky on campus. They had been hanging out in the quad right by a group of buildings when you tripped on the pavement and your books fell at his feet. He helped you up and even collected your books for you but you were too flustered and embarrassed to meet his eye. You eked out a thank you and scurried into the graduate library.

That moment sparked a blooming obsession within him. The following night he was still in town but he went out without Bucky and staked out where he’d been the previous night and watched you go to the library at the same time you had. The next two nights he did this and quickly pieced together your nightly routine.

Within a month's time he was set to transfer for the next semester and when he did he got a job working night shifts at the library. Bucky had asked him why on Earth he’d want that and Steve had shrugged him off, claiming that he wanted to be paid and didn’t want to deal with anyone. Seemed like a good enough reason to anyone else.

And so that’s how Steve found himself invading your personal space to hand you your ID. He enjoyed the way you trembled slightly in surprise. You looked so small next to him, looking up at him. He nearly forgot what he was going to say, feeling suddenly shy himself. You were so close to him and you were just as beautiful as he remembered.

Take it slow, he reminded himself.

____

Your apartment door slammed behind you as you stormed out of the building. You left in only what you were wearing which was a light hoodie and some leggings. You had thought to grab your book bag before you left and it kept knocking into your side with each angry step you took. Tears streaked your face but you tried your best to brush them off and continued on your brisk walk to the library.

You and your boyfriend had gotten into a fight and things got heated pretty fast, they always did with Sean. You had confronted Sean about being gone so often and so late, you’d missed him and wanted to spend time with you. That’s when he started getting defensive and turning your late nights at the library right around on you.

Things escalated to shouting and Sean had gotten so angry that he’d knocked over a pile of your books from the table. It had scared you and that’s when you left. You knew that you’d be getting nowhere with him when he was so angry. You wanted to be alone and needed a distraction so you grabbed your bag and headed for the library.

You secretly hoped Steve was working, it’d be nice to see a friendly face. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have the tiniest crush on him. He’s handsome and funny and kind and he always knows when to give you space. You wish you’d met him at a different point in your life, you could really see yourself with him in another timeline. Maybe it was just easier to think that having just had a fight with Sean.

You swiped your card and waited patiently for the door to open. You could tell Steve had already spotted you and was looking at you as you passed through the glass doors. He was smiling his same boyish charm smile that made you feel even shier than you already were. You must’ve looked a mess but it was comforting to see him there waiting for you.

“There she is,” Steve said with a smile as he got up from his chair to greet you. His face immediately fell though as he took in the tracks of your tears and your puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Steve looked upset and angry for you. You were touched, but you’d rather leave it.

“I’d rather not talk about it, if it’s okay. It’s nice to see you though, Steve. How’s your night?”

Steve’s jaw ticked but he swallowed and nodded and you were grateful he didn’t push it further.

“Uneventful as usual, it’s good to see you too, doll.”

You felt your cheeks heat at the nickname. If you were on better terms with Sean you’d feel bad but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do anything but giggle.

You said your goodbye to Steve and made your way to the second floor to study.

Hours passed and you had your nose buried in a book when you felt a sudden presence. You looked up slowly behind you and shrieked when you found Steve just inches from you. He held his hands out defensively and tried to catch your breathing.

“Steve, oh my God, I didn’t see you there, you scared me!” You laughed as you caught your breath.

“Yeah, sorry, I uh, have a habit of doing that.” He said as he ducked his head sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. Was he blushing? Why did he look nervous?

“I, um. I was uh, I was hoping to maybe ah, ask you something, actually.” Steve swallowed thickly. He is nervous. You smiled at him and motioned for him to go on.

“I was thinking… maybe, when you’re free if um, would you maybe want to go to dinner? With me?” He stammered out.

You smiled and felt heat flood your cheeks all over again, Steve was gorgeous and you were flattered that someone like him would want to go out with you. Just as quickly as that flattery came dread had instantly replaced it. You had a boyfriend, you couldn’t do that to Sean. Oh God, now I have to turn him down. What if he hates me?

“Wow… I uh, Steve,” you started, “I’m. You’re so sweet, I don’t know what to say. But, I have a boyfriend, I’m really sorry”

“But- but don’t think I wouldn’t say yes, if I could. You’re such a nice guy and I’m really happy for our friendship. I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us, I’m. I’m sorry,” You quickly led up with. You felt so awkward and bad that you had to turn him down.

Steve’s jaw ticked and he looked away. A blush of embarrassment had made its way up his neck and into his cheeks. His fists clenched at his sides and he took a deep breath.

“It’s… It’s fine, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I don’t want things to be weird between us either. You know what? Why don’t we just forget the whole thing? Sorry again.” He finished with a tight lipped smile

You sent an uneasy smile back and nodded.

“Of course, no damage done, Steve.”

With that he left you and you went back to your book. You tried not to overthink the entire situation but couldn’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable.

____

“Boyfriend” the word echoed in his head on a never ending loop with deafening reverb. He nodded curtly at you and smiled. You had your awkward exchange of apologies and excuses. Wordlessly, he made his way back to the information desk. He felt angry but also humiliated, he had spent at least a week building himself up to say something to you and you just turned him down so wholly?

He saw the way you looked at him, the way you laughed at his jokes. Steve knew that he meant more to you than you were letting on. There was attraction there, you were just in denial because you had a boyfriend.

Who even was this schmuck? You couldn’t have liked him that much because if you did then you would’ve mentioned him before but you hadn’t. If you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn’t have smiled at Steve the way you did or stopped to say hello every night. He needed to see for himself whom exactly it was that was so undeserving of your attention.

Steve checked the cameras and saw that you were packing up your things. He had maybe a few minutes to gather his own things and wait for you. There was someone else coming to cover the library in 20 minutes, it would be fine if he left it alone until then. He decided to make himself scarce from the desk so you wouldn’t have to see him again before you left and you wouldn’t notice he’d be following you.

Waiting for the sound of the double doors to click shut he turned the corner and waited for just a minute. He slunk down the mainways of campus towards the student apartments and stopped just 20 yards away from you up against a wall. You looked so cold all alone in the dark as you buzzed in one of the numbers.

“1B, what the fuck could you possibly want at this hour?” a gruff voice answered over the comm.

“Baby, it’s me, sorry I forgot my keys but you weren’t responding to my texts so” You trailed off as you shivered in the night. No reply came, just the buzzer sounding off. You hurried inside and Steve tried his best to scope out external windows.

Finally the light came on in one of them and to his luck the blinds were mostly open. Through the vertical slats he could make out your entrance and an impeding figure from the hall. It was him, the boyfriend. The guy that was apparently so much better than Steve.

He saw your body language was tense and you opened your mouth to speak but before you could get a word in, your boyfriend was grabbing your face in his hands and kissing you. You looked surprised maybe, but you just let him grab you like that. You just fucking let him.

He watched from his spot against a pillar from the building across the walkway. He clenched his jaw and tried to control his breathing watching this guy, this boy manhandle you like you weren’t something special, something precious. He was disgusted but he couldn’t look away as your clothes were shirked off and you two fucked right there on the couch.

He couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore and stormed off. As he walked back to his place a plan began to form in the back of his mind.

____

Things with Sean were smoothed over. You didn’t really talk, so much as he just fucked you before you could even talk about it. He had kissed you on the cheek after and said he was sorry. So you figured that he was. You didn’t really feel like pushing it anyways.

You made for the library once again, anticipating a long night ahead of you with midterms around the corner.

You let out a shriek as you realized someone was standing over you. Steve was hovering right above you, looking even taller than he already was. You pushed your chair back to get some distance between yourself and him while you caught your breath from the momentary scare.

“Steve, I uh, sorry I didn’t hear you coming, again.”

He leaned himself against the edge of the table and crossed his arms. How had you not realized he was so muscular before? You flushed and scolded yourself for thinking about him like that. You had a boyfriend and Steve was just the nice guy at the library.

He ducked his head shyly and waved your apology off.

“Sorry, guess I’m just sneaky.” He chuckled in amusement but the feeling wasn’t mutual, “I was just up here returning some books when I realized I missed you coming in, thought I’d come say hi.”

“Right,” you replied, “Guess we just missed each other. How’s the desk tonight?”

“Bored to tears as usual, just glad you’re here tonight”

Steve winked at you and you felt your cheeks get hot again and you looked away with a small laugh.

“You always know just what to say, don’t you?”

“Ah that’s not true.” He paused, “I get nervous all the time around pretty girls like you”

You were really in it now. Your cheeks heated instantly and you had to look away from him again. For someone that just got rejected he doesn’t stay down for long. How the hell were you going to talk your way out of this one? He knows you have a boyfriend, why would he say that?

“Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” Oh, thank God.

He begins to walk back to his cart before spinning on his heel one last time.

“Hey, I forgot to ask. You’re pretty good with art history, right?”

You nod cautiously, afraid that you know where this is going.

“Well, as of right now I’ve got a C. I was wondering if you’d be willing to meet on one of my nights off here and help me out?”

“O-oh. Yeah, of course. No problem. I’m sure Sean wouldn’t mind.”

You were too nice for your own good, saying yes before really thinking it all through. You only realized you had after the words left your mouth so you mentioned Sean to save yourself a bit.

Steve’s eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at you.

“Awesome, you’re the best. Maybe we can get together at that cafe on 3rd next Tuesday around noon?”

“Of course, I’ll be there” You confirm.

____

Tuesday couldn’t come soon enough for Steve. He didn’t need any help in art history, he was averaging about an 87, actually. But when you turned him down he knew he had to find another way to get closer to you and he knew that you’d say yes out of pressure.

All in all things were going pretty well for Steve. Despite your shy nature he’d managed to get closer to you much quicker than he expected. He loved watching you get flustered whenever he was close, finding it hard not to get flustered himself. He was impatient for things to move forward but he knew it would all pan out. There was only one wrench in the plan; your boyfriend Sean.

The other night when Steve had followed you home and witnessed Sean manhandle you in your apartment he began thinking of how to remove him from the picture. Steve did his research on Sean and found it suspicious he couldn’t find anything on him. Usually after a little digging you can find something off about anyone, but not him. Steve knew it would take a little more effort, but for you he’d make it.

So that’s how Steve wound up spending his night off in the corner of the dive bar that was just off campus. Off campus enough that you’d need to drive there. He had tailed Sean’s Jeep there after his club soccer game in hopes of finding something he could actually use to justify getting rid of him for you. He groused as he pulled into the parking garage across the street and pocketed his parking stub. He waited a few beats and watched Sean leave his car.

He slinked in the door and grabbed a dimly lit corner booth. The residue of whatever cleaner this place used was causing his forearms to stick to the table at his booth and the air stunk of vape smoke. He was surrounded by other 20-somethings, awkward Tinder hookups and frat bros meeting up to blow off steam.

On the opposite side of the room he spotted Sean, watched him as he approached the bar for another pint. He’d followed him here in hopes of getting some sort of information on him that he could use. After an hour of nursing one beer and absolutely nothing happening with Sean Steve had been ready to give up.

Just as he was getting ready to down the rest of his drink the door had opened and in walked a girl around his age. She looked nervous but excited as she looked around the place. She nearly squealed as she rushed over when she found who she was looking for. A smile slowly crawled across Steve’s face as the girl rushed into Sean’s arms and embraced him with a kiss. This is exactly what Steve needed to get him out of the picture.

Steve discreetly took out his phone and snapped a few photos, even got a video of them kissing again. He figured this would be enough to blackmail Sean into leaving you. Getting what he needed, he grabbed his jacket and left the bar. He felt light as a feather walking home, his plan was finally setting into motion and it wouldn’t be long until you were together.

Tuesday had finally come and Steve’s good mood only carried over. He practically skipped to the coffee shop you two had agreed to meet at. He grabbed a table and waited for you. When he saw you open the door he was grinning ear to ear but his expression quickly changed taking in your appearance. You looked exhausted, like you’d been crying again. This wouldn’t do.

“What’s wrong? Is it your boyfriend again?” Steve asked.

You nodded silently and set down your bag with a huff.

“He’s just been out really late lately, I feel like he’s never home. Then again I’m always out late.”

“Well I’m glad you’re a night owl, otherwise we wouldn’t have met” Steve tried to turn the conversation back to them and to keep it positive.

“I guess you’re right. You didn’t order anything?” You frowned, noticing his empty hands.

“I was waiting for you, it’s my treat.” You opened your mouth to protest but Steve was quick to add, “Don’t even try to argue with me on this one.”

You sighed but ultimately relented, following him to the counter. He let you order first.

“Um, just a small hot chocolate please, thank you so much”

Steve thought it was cute that you didn’t drink caffeine, he knew hot chocolate was your drink of choice. He knew this of course from hours of pouring over every profile of yours he could find on the internet. He even found your tumblr you were just sure nobody knew about. Turns out you’ve got quite the dirty mind. But that was a thought for another day. Steve turned back to the counter and ordered black coffee and paid the bill.

With drinks in hand you made your way back to your table and settled in for an afternoon of art history. It went smoothly overall and Steve even got you to laugh a few times. He’d perfectly played his balance of pretending not to know about the subject while seeming to be learning what you were teaching. He could tell you felt proud of yourself for accomplishing something and he was happy he could make you feel that way. He was sure he was the only one that could.

You called it a day and said your goodbyes, you went in for an awkward hug which Steve accepted wholeheartedly. He’d even managed to finally snag your number so you two could work out more study times. Maybe you were coming around much easier than he anticipated. He smiled to himself and on the walk home began to devise a plan to get rid of Sean. It’d only be a matter of days if everything went accordingly.

____

You were basking in the rare day off, taking every moment to enjoy doing absolutely nothing. You’d felt drained lately from your class workload, late nights at the library, and your elevating fights with Sean. He was at work today followed by an evening class so you had uninterrupted alone time. Around 10pm it took every ounce of your free will to get off the couch and get the mail.

You milled over to your box and jammed the key in. Pulling the mail out your head titled in curiosity at the large unmarked manila folder. No return address written, only yours but there was nothing indicating whether it was for you or Sean. You’d open it when you got back upstairs.

Finally back to your spot on the couch your fingers slowly undid the folder’s metal clasp and you reached inside for its contents. Out came several photos and a hastily written note. You held the grainy photos closer to your face to make out what they were. When you did your heart plummeted and you went into emotional shock.

Though the photos were grainy it was very clear what they were of. Shots of Sean and some mystery brunette making out in a bar. Sean with his arm around her waist, Sean with his hand on her ass. All the photos were timestamped for only a few days ago when he claimed his soccer game was running late. You dropped them instantly and they scattered to the floor.

Your heart was hammering in your ears, you didn’t know what to think. Sean was the only boyfriend you’d ever really had, Sean loved you, you loved him. Somewhere in the back of your mind you remembered there was a note. You searched for it and tried to read it through the tears that were beginning to blur your vision.

‘I know what you did. You tell her or I will. You have three days’

You didn’t recognize the handwriting. Who would send this? Why would they send it? You and Sean didn’t have many friends and you couldn’t picture them doing this. Maybe this is some prank? Maybe the timestamp is wrong and this is before you were together.

Sean was all you’d ever known and you shared an apartment, it’s not like you’d have anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. Should you confront him with these? It’s not like you two were exactly good at solving your problems. Would he leave you if you showed him these? What then?

Your mind was spinning, unsure of what to do with this new information. Maybe you could keep quiet about this, try to spend some more time with Sean, make him see what the two of you have. Maybe you can ask him to be home more, maybe you could be home more too.

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears before you gathered the photos and put them back into the envelope. You decided you’d hold onto them for now, tucking them away in your drawer of the dresser. Deciding you’d just work yourself up if you stayed up you shot Sean a text goodnight and went to bed.

Morning came and he was snuggled into your side, the comfort you felt had you feeling like everything might be okay for a moment. You stayed in bed just a little longer and turned so he could hold you in his arms. Your heart felt so unsure and scared, but you didn’t know what else you could do.

The week passed by and you decided to shift more of your energy towards your relationship with Sean, pushing your nights at the library to the backburner. You still hadn’t told him about the envelope but you did tell him you missed him and wished he was home more. He relented and was home four nights this week instead of his usual two.

The time together was uncomfortable but you kept telling yourself that things were getting a little better over time, even if your studies were suffering for it. As the week went on you were able to suppress your doubts about your relationship a bit more. Sean loved you and you loved him.

You couldn’t ignore the oncoming threat of midterms forever, though. The last thing you wanted was to be alone because you knew that your thoughts would just spiral but you needed to do well this semester so you grabbed your bag and headed out.

You swipe through the doors, almost looking forward to seeing Steve. You’d blown off your study session with a profuse apology so you could be with Sean. You were eager to apologize in person but found the reference desk to be completely abandoned. You frowned, maybe Steve was putting away books or something. You’d see him eventually though, for now you had an essay to write.

Hours could have gone by and you wouldn’t have known. You were getting so much done though, it felt good to be focused on something other than your own thoughts.

“Where’ve you been?”

You jump in your seat. You turn around to find Steve emerging from the shelves that were just out of your view. He wore a neutral expression but you could cut the tension with a knife. He stepped forward and you debated on what to say.

“Sorry, I had to cancel with you this week. How are you getting along?”

“Nothing another tutoring session couldn’t fix, I’m sure. Were you sick? I feel like you haven’t been here in forever. The nights get awful lonely without ya here”

Why did Steve keep making statements like that when he knew you had a boyfriend? It was driving you insane and getting harder to ignore them.

“Um, no, I was with Sean, actually. But y’know, can’t avoid midterms forever” You gave a half-hearted laugh hoping to lighten things up.

Steve’s neutral expression is slipping, but you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. But his face broke out into a small smile, putting you at ease instantly. He clapped you on the shoulder and took a step back.

“Yeah, guess you’re right. We still on for Tuesday?”

You gave him an easy smile and nodded.

“I’ll be counting the days” With that Steve disappeared back between the shelves.

____

The moment Steve placed the envelope in the mail he felt a confidence he hadn’t felt before. All he had to do was wait for you to open the envelope and everything would take its course. He knew Sean was at work and you’d be the one to get the mail that day. From his spot he’d peered in your windows all those weeks ago he watched you open the photos. You dropped them to the ground and held a hand to your mouth to cover what looked like a sob. Steve smiled to himself, now all you had to do was leave him.

The week went on and Steve figured you might need a little time to break it off and he’d be there at the library, waiting to comfort you. It’s not like you had any other friends in your life to turn to. But then you cancelled your study session with no explanation. Steve figured maybe you were still in shock, needed to cry it out alone. Then two days turned to four turned to seven.

Steve was confused, he was infuriated even. Why hadn’t you come to the library yet? Why hadn’t you texted him? There’s no way that you were actually going to stay with him after you saw him with another woman. Except that’s exactly what he did.

Looking back on it Steve recognized his mistakes. He knew you were shy and meek, sweet, it’s what he loved about you. But he should’ve accounted for this to happen. You were too sweet for your own good, wanting to make it work with Sean. It was an obstacle he hadn’t seen but this is just a slight bump in the plan. He can work around it.

When he saw you coming up the steps on the security camera he made himself scarce, not ready to face you just yet. He gave you some hours to study before he made himself known to you. He could tell just by the way you talked that you were in complete denial about what was happening. You weren’t strong enough to leave him but that’s okay, Steve is strong enough for the both of you right now, he’ll help you get there.

____

Just when you thought things were getting better Sean was back to becoming distant, going out with his teammates and coming home still a little drunk. The more you thought about those photos and thought about how he slipped back into old habits so easily the more you were working up the courage to confront him. You weren’t sure if you’d leave him, but maybe it would make him change.

Then the second envelope came. More photos of them kissing and leaving the bar together. They were time stamped just two nights ago. Your heart fell through the floor as you tried to make sense of things. How much of this could you put up with? When was enough? You needed to confront him when he got home.

You texted him to try to come home early tonight, saying it was important. You spent the rest of the evening planning out your words and trying to quell the oncoming panic attacks. Time passed by in a blur and before you knew it it was midnight and you still had no word from Sean. You couldn’t spend one more minute alone, you needed to get out. You needed a friend.

Your body was on autopilot as your feet carried you up the steps of the library. Steve wasn’t at the desk and you felt almost distressed. You knew he’d be a good third party to talk all this out to and you didn’t know what to think when he wasn’t there. You decided to shoot him a text.

‘Hey, I know you usually work Thursdays, I’ll be at my usual spot, I could really use a friend if you’re not too busy’ Did that sound too desperate? At this point you didn’t care.

You sunk down into your chair on the second floor with a huff. You hadn’t brought your bag so it’s not like you could study to distract yourself. As it turned out you didn’t need to.

“I’m never too busy for you, doll. ‘Specially not at this job” Steve’s voice carried as he rounded a corner into your sight.

You felt instantly better before you realized you were crying. It was hard to be vulnerable but if you could trust anyone with this it was Steve. You gave him a weak smile as he pulled up a chair beside you.

“What’s wrong? Do you need tissues?”

“No, sorry, I just.” You were struggling to find the words. “Sean is cheating on me”

Steve’s hands clenched into fists, he looked absolutely furious for you.

“Are you serious? That bastard! Doll, I’m so sorry. Have you confronted him?” His hand reached for yours and his thumb rubbed light circles.

“I-I, I haven’t said...anything. I just. He loves me y’know? Why would he do that? He’s all I have? What happens if he leaves me where will I stay I’ll be completely alone, I’ll-”

You had worked yourself into a panic attack as you desperately tried to take gulps of air while tears streamed down your face. You were losing touch with your surroundings and spiraling into a place you couldn’t get yourself out of. Steve moved his chair closer to you and brought you into his lap. He held your back to his chest and wrapped his arms around you. You could just make out what he was saying.

“Doll, it’s okay, I need you to breathe with me, can you do that? Take a deep breath in with me. Hold it and count to five with me,” You do but you’re still struggling. “Now exhale, count again for me. You’re doing so well, you can do this.”

Eventually Steve is able to bring you back down to Earth and you slumped back into his arms. You don’t care that Steve is holding you, it feels safe. You shifted so you could lean your head against his chest and let out a heavy sigh. He holds you to himself and lets you sit there for a while.

You don’t know how much time passes but you sit up slowly and he’s reluctant to let you go. You wipe your eyes as you go back to your own chair.

“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your job. Sorry I just totally came here and freaked out” You were starting to feel embarrassed, oversharing your life and emotions with him. You really liked him, you didn’t want to think you’d ruined the friendship.

“Don’t even apologize. You can always come to me.” He gave you a warm smile and you felt reassured. “So what are you going to do about Sean?”

Another hour had gone by with Steve and you could see the sun starting to come through the windows. You had decided you would confront him and go from there. You weren’t ready to fully commit to leaving him but this needed to end one way or another. For the first time in two weeks you felt like things were maybe going to be okay. The next time you saw Sean you were going to confront him.

____

Clearly seeing that you weren’t going to do anything after he sent the photos, he had to go to plan B. Steve waited outside the practice field and followed him to the parking structure once again. He jammed the parking stub in his jacket pocket along with the others and repeated his previous trips here. It was astounding how unaware Sean was of his surroundings, Steve had followed him and that girl from the bar back to her place at least twice now.

Getting what he needed he put another envelope in the mail the next day, this time with no note but the photos were more upsetting. It hurt Steve to hurt you but it’s what needed to be done. You were never going to confront him with things as they were so he had to push the envelope, literally and metaphorically. The hurt would be worth it though, because you came crying to him just like he’d hoped you would. Seeing your text warmed his heart, you needed him and he’d be there. Every time.

He knew he’d be comforting you but he didn’t think that he’d get to hold you. He was hiding his smile as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you down from your panic attack. You did so well listening to him and calming down. He was convinced he was the only one that could help you, you just needed to see that.

Steve abandoned his cart of books that needed to be shelved but he couldn’t care less. He’d stay up all night with you every night if that’s what it took. As dawn broke the two of you devised a plan and he built you up to say something. You weren’t committed to leaving him, which Steve wasn’t happy about, but you were committed to confronting him, if only you’d get the chance.

Based on what Steve knew of both yours and Sean's schedules you’d just miss each other between classes during the day and Sean had a game tonight, which would inevitably lead to a night at the bar. All Steve had to do was wait. He had to contain his excitement, things were finally finally falling right into place, they just needed a final push.

Nightfall came and this time Steve beat Sean to the structure. Steve parked on the top level and stuck the parking stub in his pocket. He didn’t feel like he was taking a risk by counting on Sean to follow routine, he was a good boy, he’d park in his same spot he always did and proceed to get wasted across the street.

A slow smile creeped across Steve’s face as Sean and his teammates stumbled into the bar, probably already drunk from pre-gaming. Sean’s sidepiece wouldn’t come to the bar tonight, her sorority having some dumb mixer or another. Steve reminded himself of his mantra to wait. His phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from you. You two had been texting after you came to him in the library.

‘He’s not responding to my texts. I know he had a game tonight but I really thought he’d be here’

He’d have to text you back another time, Steve needed to be on his toes tonight. He sat at what was becoming his usual booth for nearly two hours, barely touching his pint. Finally Sean paid his tab and said goodnight to his friends. Steve pulled down the brim of his hat and pursued him towards the parking structure. Drunken and fumbling up through the stairwell, Steve entered behind him quietly while taking out a knife he’d stolen from Bucky. He always knew his friend’s strange obsession with them would come in handy someday.

Just as Sean was about to take the final step Steve grabbed him from behind. Sean’s reactions may have been slowed but it hadn’t stopped him trying to thrash out of the grip. His efforts stopped immediately as Steve held the blade to his throat. He spoke clearly and in a low voice.

“Keep walking up the stairs or I will slit your fucking throat, do you hear me?” He brought the knife closer to his neck to drive home the threat.

“E-easy man, please, please don’t do this”

“Keep moving. Up.”

Steve pushed him all the way towards his car at the edge of the top level. He flipped Sean around so his back was to the ledge, the knife still trained closely on him. Pleads for mercy fell on deaf ears.

“What do you wan’!? You wan’ money!? Take, take my wallet man I don’t need it, jus’ please don’t kill me please!”

Steve pushed him slightly, though his grip on him remained tight. Sean struggled against him as his body weight wavered over the ledge. He must have realised how far up they were because he started crying at this point, begging even harder as he teetered and trying desperately to get his bearings against the wall.

“Why are you doing this!?” He wailed, “I’ll do anything, please! Please, I have a girlfriend, I have a family”

That was all that it took. Steve was feeling a high like he’d never felt. He knew at this moment he was doing the right thing for both of you. With a rush of adrenaline and in a flash of certainty he pushed Sean’s body over the edge. He didn’t watch him fall the seven stories down to the ground, but he did wait to hear the sickening crack and thud of his body hitting the ground. There was no way he’d survived.

Blood rushing through his ears, he felt euphoric, so powerful, so in love with you. He climbed back into his car and headed for his apartment. His plan wasn’t quite complete yet though, but everything he needed to do was done. He could watch the rest unfold from the sidelines. He knows you’ll be heartbroken all over again when you find out, but he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

____

You’d been in mourning for nearly two months. The shock you’d felt wasn’t comparable to any other feeling you’d felt. The police ultimately ruled his death an accident, they performed an autopsy and found dangerous amounts of alcohol in his system. They weren’t able to pinpoint an exact time of death but estimated 2-3 AM, as he’d been found in the morning. They figured he’d just gotten piss drunk and came too close to the edge. And he was gone just like that.

His death weighed heavy on you, you blamed yourself for a long time. He wouldn’t have stayed out if you hadn’t pushed him so far away from you. The last thing you ever said to him was nagging and whiny, no wonder he didn’t want to come home. To think that you were possibly going to leave him. You felt so much self-contempt but slowly you were learning to forgive yourself.

You don’t know what you’d have done without Steve by your side. He was there for you every step of the way. He held you at the funeral, he helped you pack up Sean’s things in the apartment, he took your late night phone calls and came over at the drop of a hat to help you through your grief. You were eternally grateful for his selflessness and his willingness to help you heal.

Guilt loomed over you once again as the old feelings you’d had for Steve in the early days of your friendship started to flare up again. It felt natural to feel them, with him being closer to you than he ever was, but it didn’t stop you from feeling shame over it. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t culpable for anything that happened, that Sean himself was interested in someone else when he’d died. You had to forgive yourself for these feelings for Steve. Maybe even pursue them.

‘Can you come over tonight? I think we should talk’ Your nerves were on fire from the rush you got sending him that text.

‘How about you come to my place? 7? We can go for something to eat if you want.’ Your heart was fluttering, was this a date?

‘Sounds good :)’

Checking the time you saw it was 4, you spent the next few hours obsessing over what to say. No matter what you were determined to tell him your feelings for him. You were debating whether or not you should kiss him. Would he even want you back? What if he only sees you as a friend now? The hours whiled away and you took a deep breath before setting out.

You’d been to Steve’s apartment only once before, you knew he lived alone but he’d managed to make the place feel homey. You were buzzed in and before you had the chance to knock on the door Steve had it open and was waiting for you. His smile was all teeth and it was contagious, you smiled back looking up at him and he let you in.

You sat down on the couch and waited for Steve. No turning back now. Deep breath. He sat down and turned to face you.

“What did you want to talk about?”

No words were coming to you. Your mouth opened but you could only sputter. Oh God, where were the words? Do something!

So you did. Before you could think about it you put a shaky hand up to Steve’s jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. You didn’t know what you were feeling, you were just waiting for Steve to respond. You began to pull back but before you could he took your face in his hands and kissed you back tenderly but with purpose. Your arms were around him and he pulled you closer into his lap to kiss you more passionately.

You finally pulled apart to catch your breath. You snuck a look up to his face and you were nervous but you felt like you were floating.

“You have… no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” He said between breaths.

You two smiled like idiots and he brought his lips to yours again. The kiss deepened and a moan slipped from your mouth. This seemed to spark something in Steve and his hands shakily moved over your body. He was feeling every curve of you and you ground down into his lap and his hips bucked up in response. You have no idea where this confidence came from but you’d never felt more sure of yourself. You broke apart again and Steve was breathing heavily.

“Is this what you want?” He asked. You could only nod before he was on you again. He pulled you up from the couch and led you to his bed. This time he laid you back and was hovering over you, slowly undoing the buttons of your jeans. You helped him get yourself out of them and pulled your shirt over your head, leaving you in just your bra and panties. How was this happening? Who cares?

He sat back and took the sight of you in, he was looking at you like you were the most precious thing. He slowly removed his clothes and moved back over you, kissing his way up your thighs before pulling your panties down your legs. He continued laving away at your skin, making you nervous but excited. His fingers brushed your core and he brought them up to his face.

“Sweetheart, you are dripping.” Your cheeks heated instantly as he chuckled. Not giving you the chance to respond he dove right in. Two fingers entered you and you arched your back, his tongue lapped up your wetness and then at your clit. You’d really never known pleasure like this, no one had ever done this for you before. His fingers pumped in and out of you and your hands flew to his hair and pulled. He continued on and curved his fingers just slightly and you clenched down around him, you were so close.

“Please, I’m so close” you whimpered.

Steve doubled his efforts and before you knew it the tension he had been building up was released in a white hot flash of ecstasy. You writhed against his fingers as he kept pumping them into you. Finally he relented, pulling them out and licking them clean. You’d never seen something that made you feel so filthy but so so good.

He took off his boxers and encased you in his arms. He kissed your neck and you moaned again at the feeling. You spread yourself for him and he lined himself up and groaned. The stretch was something you weren’t ready for. It burned almost, you cried out as he put his whole length in you. He waited all of two seconds before he began thrusting into you. You weren’t ready but you were adjusting quickly with the way his cock hit that spot inside of you over and over.

You were holding onto his shoulders, nails digging in deep as he started to go harder and faster.

“I’m close” He panted into your ear.

Reaching down his fingers found your clit and started moving back and forth quickly, trying to match his thrusts. The tension was building again to a breaking point and you were getting close again. He worked you even harder until you broke, cumming for a second time. Your eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy as you cried again.

“Steve!”

That was all it took before he slammed into you a final time, you could feel his release and you’d never felt closer to him. His movements stopped and your noses touched. He kissed you hard before rolling off of you.

“That was… oh my god” you breathed.

“I know, me too” Steve chuckled. “So can I take you to dinner?”

“Nothing would make me happier,” You grinned wide and nodded.

You cleaned yourself up and redressed. You were taking in Steve’s room and found yourself smiling at the photos of him and Bucky, little knick-knacks on his dresser. You found a sticky note on the calendar at his desk. You squinted. Had you seen his handwriting before?

You shrugged and flopped yourself back on the bed. You checked the weather on your phone and frowned at the temperature, you let out a small groan.

“What is it?” Steve called from the bathroom as he cleaned up.

“It’s so coooold and I forgot my jacket” You pouted.

“Just take mine, it’s the brown leather one hanging in the living room” He was so sweet.

Gingerly, you made your way into the living room and found the jacket, slipping it on. You don’t know what was taking Steve so long but you shoved your hands in the pockets and waited for him. You felt something in the right pocket. Is this trash? You pulled out little wadded up pieces of paper and unfolded them.

They were parking stubs. They were from the same structure that Sean had fallen from. Your heart was pounding, upset just thinking of him. Looking closer one of them was stamped for 2:15 AM, 2/1, the night that he died. Okay...

1 AM 1/15, 11:57PM 1/28, They matched the timestamp on the photos that had been sent to you. Two others were from nights when Sean had games and had stayed out late. Your heart was in your throat and tears were forming in your eyes, trying to find some explanation. You thought again of the first time you’d received an envelope, those photos, that note. It had dawned on you why the note looked so familiar… The handwriting! Oh, God... Your whole world slowed down as you heard footsteps bound into the room. Slowly you turned, the stubs still in your shaking hands.

“Oh, Sweetheart,” Steve took a step further, “You weren’t supposed to see those.”

[dawnanddorisqna]

Have either of you heard about the recent dealings with HBOMax? And if so what are your thoughts about it?

Thank you so much for this question. Anything animation is my favorite topic so this may become a rant. but here we go.

I think everyone in the industry has heard of what's happened. It's devastating and disrespectful. Warner Bros. has a special place in animation history with legacy characters and a collection of classics. They helped move the medium forward and at one point celebrated their place in film by creating an entire network dedicated to new shows, looney tunes, Hanna Barbera and more. They also helped introduce a generation to anime.

Unfortunately, as Warner changed leadership from one company to another, the focus became more on how to make the most income and for whatever reason money people don't see animation as something that can earn. History proves this idea wrong, especially with most animated films typically performing well in theaters, but in the industry animation is always seen as something only for kids. Something that doesn't need to be noticed. Something that people "graduate" from watching. This is old thinking and the new people in charge of Warner have shown almost aggressively that they can only think this way and want to move things way back (saying women don't like genre or written stories? @#$% You!!).

They think these characters can be erased and that no one will care because as they see it the only people saying anything are kids and will grow out of it. It's a cruel and disrespectful way to run a company. It's also, unfortunately, the way most places see this medium. To want to tell an adult leaning story in animation will still garner comments from execs of "Well you don't want to scare away kids" or "Kids don't want heavy stories, don't say anything about grief" "This is too dark" "just make it a comedy" and more. After all that they want live action celebrities attached because "How else will we get adults to watch this?" Imagine spending years perfecting your voice, only to be dubbed over with Chris Pratt because people know his face. (It's not like his face is on the #%$% Poster!). There are films that tell unique stories and don't follow the studio exec kid's gloves requirement. But I guarantee that these films and shows were an absolute struggle to get made, and once they were the studios usually work hard to bury them. (Tron Uprising, Infinity Train)

We always said "Animation is Cinema" and that's true. It's an artform that's now in nearly every film. But that term means nothing if you're still going to treat animation the same way. If you're still going to add fart jokes, only aim it at kids and feel like the only adults watching are parents and you still need to trick them into seeing it. I hear this phrase said so much, but now it feels like it's simply crossed into buzzwords territory to help trick some audience members into giving the studio money. Warner Bros. at one point was one of the studios that seemed like they wanted to treat animation like a real artform. It looks like now they don't even want to remember it exists.

But it's not all doom and gloom. There are people working outside the studio system to actually create some amazing work (Hazbin Hotel for example). Artists want to create. To tell stories and connect to people in ways that studios are too afraid to do. When you find an artist or a group working to tell these stories, I'd ask that you help them by telling as many people as you can about their work, reblogging it on the interwebs, and donating to them when you can.

I think the fans can really help in giving this medium the respect that places like Warner Bros. Discovery refuses to.

Thank you for the question,

Sincerely,

Doris

[marvelsbanner]

Just this once

Summary: Reader has nightmares and finds comfort with a fellow avenger. Hurt/Comfort type thing. Short and sweet <3

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: slight angst but not between characters

Word count: ~1100

A/N: Likes, reblogs, and comments are much appreciated <3 All mistakes are my own!

You woke with a jolt, night shirt soaked with sweat and chest pounding as you took in your surroundings.

Sheets, bed, clock, room- you were in your room, you were safe.

Safe- it sometimes felt like a foreign concept to you.

Sleep was never something that had come easy to you, night terrors controlling your body and mind and keeping you awake late at night into the early hours of the morning.

The price of being an Avenger? None of you come with a clean past.

You closed your eyes and took five deep breaths, thinking back to the countless exercises your therapist had taught you as you brought your restless mind back into your body.

You opened your eyes, grabbing the glass of water on the night stand beside you and downing the rest as you sipped out of the bed.

You peeled the dampened night shirt from your body and put on a different one, an oversized ACDC shirt you had stolen from Tony.

Grabbing your empty water cup, you slipped from your room and moved towards the kitchen to fill it up and make some tea to calm your nerves.

You made your way through the darkened halls of the tower seamlessly, having memorized the way from all the restless nights since you’ve been here.

You find your way to the kitchen, filling the kettle with water and putting it on as you run your hands through your unruly hair. You lay your head down on the countertop, waiting for the water to boil.

“Rough night?” Says a soft voice from behind you, startling you and making your bones jump out of your skin.

“Jesus Nat, you scared the shit out of me!” You whisper-yelled at her, but you had a smile on your face as you turned to face the woman. She returned it, mouth quirking into an unapologetic smirk.

“Sorry, quiet steps. Life of an ex assassin and all..” she teases, moving to pour what looked to be a now-cold cup of coffee into the sink.

You looked at the clock- it was 2:24 am, was she still drinking coffee?

You supposed you couldn’t blame her, your sleep schedule was no better than hers. Thats how your friendship came to be, unlikely as it was. You were both up late into the night, meeting so often in this very kitchen that you decided it would be nicer time spent keeping each other company.

It became almost a routine, though you were relieved when occasionally the other wouldn’t show up- because that meant they were actually getting some rest.

The sleep-deprived conversations brought you two closer, telling each other stories and secrets that the rest of the team members might never know.

“You seem extra tense tonight” she remarks, a slight frown on her face as she leans against the counter.

“I guess you could say that” you reply, giving her a tight lipped almost-smile and shrug of your shoulders that held more words than what you actually said.

She nodded her head in understanding, “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“Not really” you respond, sighing as the kettle squeals and you move to take it off of the heat.

Her eyes follow you as she seems to think over her next response carefully.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asks, eyes sincere and full of an emotion you couldn’t quite name.

You paused for a moment, this is usually when you would say no and you would make tea and sit in silence or make small talk about everything and nothing- but tonight you didn’t want that. Tonight you felt alone and anxious and so tired and you just wanted- needed even the smallest semblance of comfort.

You would blame it on the exhaustion, you would blame it on the nightmares, you would find some excuse for it in the morning but all you could think of right now was how comforting it would feel to be held by someone- no, not someone, held by her.

Your feet moved before your brain, taking two long strides before your arms wrapped around her shoulders and your face was buried in the crook of her neck.

She took a sharp intake of breath and you felt her tense up- this was new territory for the both of you and you realize you must have surprised her. Before you could go to move away her strong arms slowly came up to wrap around you, holding you gently. You stay there like that for a while, seeking comfort in another through touch in a way you never had before. You were interested in her, of course you were- god how could you not be? Gorgeous, strong, protective over you during missions and you never let yourself hope that she could feel the same way, but now..

But that wasn’t what this was about, this was about so much more than feelings bubbling at the surface and you both knew it.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed there, wrapped up in each others touch- it could have been a minute, it could have been 10. Much too soon for your liking Nat hesitantly moved away, her hands trailing from your back and down your arms to hold your own hands gently. Her eyes searched your face, trying to find an answer to an unspoken question before she seemingly made up her mind. She dropped one of your hands and tugged the other with her as she walked the two of you back to her room.

“Nat- what..?” you weren’t sure what exactly she was wanting from you.

The hand not holding yours came to brush a knuckle lightly over the dark purple circle under your eye, a reminder of all your tossing and turning through sleepless nights.

“You need sleep. Just this once, come lay down with me,” she walked over to the bed and pulled the comforter back and to slide in before opening up her arms for you to join. You hesitate for just a moment, but you were too tired to think of all the reasons this was a bad idea. You made your way across the room, sliding into the bed and curling up next to the woman. Her arms slip around you, holding you gently as your head rests against her chest, listening to her heart beat. You try to take steady breaths to calm your own rapidly beating heart, the close proximity something you never let yourself imagine before.

Her hand runs through strands of your hair, her warm breath against your forehead as you feel the steady rise and fall of her chest.

You let the even sound lull you to sleep, sweet thoughts in your head of the sweet woman holding you through. In the morning you could figure out what all of this meant, for now there was just the two of you in this moment.

Natasha Taglist: @tothisfeeling @pnsteblnme @ladyeliot @lovemarvelcast0105 @stephanieromanoff @romeo-the-cactus @simpforwandanat @natasharomanoffismywife @wandavixen @kawaiiusagichansan @wandafiction @stupendouscowboyhairdolover @stephanieromanoff @lazypeachsoul

[pens-swords-stuff]

Just dumping some of my thoughts here because I don't have anywhere else to put them. Not looking for advice, just looking to vent, scream into the void and maybe some support if anyone is willing.

Trigger warnings: Death of a family member, grief, hospitals, COVID, proceed with caution.

Reblogs are disabled to keep this on my blog, but comments are welcome.

I actually found out that my grandmother was dying yesterday. It went very quickly from "she's going to stay in the hospital for a bit" to "she only has about 5-6 hours left before her death."

As a lot of you know, my family is in Japan whereas me, my parents, and one of my uncles live in America so we weren't able to be there. My aunt and her family were there though, so they video chatted me and my parents so that we could see her again and talk for one last time. It was a pretty weird sight to see multiple people holding up phones to her while she was in the hospital bed. She looked so frail and weak, and she must've been in a lot of pain — they were holding off on giving her painkillers for a bit because she probably wouldn't wake up afterwards.

My aunt had to really encourage her to open her eyes to see us, but when she finally managed to, she saw me and the first thing she immediately said was how pretty I was. And that might be the very last thing she ever says to me.

The entire family was able to be there, half in-person and half virtually. At one point I was video chatting another family member and holding up my phone to my mom's phone so she could also be with my grandmother through two layers of videochat.

It turns out that my grandmother had cancer, and she didn't tell anyone that she wasn't feeling well because she didn't want to bother or worry anyone.

We were told at the time that once they gave her painkillers, she wouldn't wake up. She'd pass peacefully in her sleep, without being in pain. They didn't know when, but estimated it to be around 5 to 6 hours, depending on how much strength she had left.

Well, apparently she had a lot of strength left because she made it through the night and woke up. Her blood pressure was back to normal levels, and she's awake and alert and she pulled through.

I can't emphasize enough how amazing of a woman my grandmother is. She's in her mid-nineties, and she's never experienced any of the typical aches and pains of aging. She's never experienced hip or back pain, she kept really active as much as she could (she lived on the 4th floor of an apartment building that she owned well into her 70s. The stairs were ridiculously steep and there was no railing and it's enough to make any adult wheeze!), and she was always finding ways of stimulating her brain so that she could stay mentally sharp. She's also dainty and elegant like a princess, and loves dressing nicely.

This actually happened just yesterday — the day before my licensing exam. And I was so fucking scared of failing because I couldn't make my grandmother the reason I failed.

And I passed! I actually scored amazingly well despite the circumstances, but it's really hard to be happy about it when so much going on. Moving on with being licensed, transitioning into a new job... It feels really weird with everything happening right now. I've always been avoidant and anxious about it, but this is making it ten times worse and all I want to do is hide in my bed to keep everything away. Because if I don't leave my bed, the day can't start, and if the day doesn't start, nothing bad can happen.

(Despite what I might sound like right now, I am actually very functional and am handling this well, don't worry. Staying in bed past noon when I don't have anything to do that day is one of my indicators that I'm feeling really anxious. And these days my internal clock wakes me up really early, so even after procrastinating leaving my bed I actually get on with my day around 11 or sometimes 12, and I'm currently unemployed so it's not like I'm missing anything important. I'm doing fine. This is just my rambly thought dump so everything sounds much more dysfunctional than it actually is.)

Right now we're in a very weird stasis of grandma is still alive, but we don't know what's actually happening. Because of COVID, no one is allowed to visit her, and the hospital is apparently short staffed so we're not getting a ton of updates. My cousin managed to talk to a nurse by chance when she was delivering some clothes and toothbrushes for my grandma, and as far as we know right now, she's alert and she's stable. But it also doesn't seem like there's a huge chance for recovery? I don't know the details but they're giving her painkillers, and are draining... something periodically, but it doesn't sound like there's any treatment happening.

I guess we're just waiting to see how long she holds on before she's ready to pass?

Part of me thinks that she'll be okay in the end. I really, truly thought that she would easily live past 100. Other part of me is already grieving.

It's so frustrating, because there's literally no point for me and my parents to go to Japan right now. Even if we did get there, we wouldn't be able to visit. My aunt, uncle and cousin were only allowed in yesterday because they really thought that this was going to be the end.

And what's even more frustrating is that I haven't seen my family in Japan for five years. We had tickets to go to Japan in May of 2020. COVID stole away at least two summers that we would've been able to spend with my grandmother. And what makes it worse is that these were my last summer breaks. I was in grad school. I had the summer off; I wasn't working or taking classes, I was legitimately on summer break and goofing around doing nothing productive.

But now, I'm about to start my career! I accepted a job that I was really excited about and I'm going to start really soon. And it's going to be really hard to take extended time off! (I'm already negotiating a couple weeks off in August for a nonrefundable trip, which will make it even more difficult to ask for more time off in the first 3 months of my employment if something happens). It was my last chance to easily spend a month or three in Japan, and the pandemic took that away. Even if I hopped onto a plane right now and went to Japan, I still might never see my grandmother again because visitors aren't allowed due to COVID.

Also it's a busy time for flights to Japan right now because everyone goes in the summer; there are almost no seats left and the ones that are, are ridiculously expensive. My family doesn't have a ton of money; it would be worth it, but it would also be really difficult to make ends meet if we bought tickets. One ticket would be tight but manageable, but not three — and if we're sending anyone, it would be my father, since it's his mother.

it just really, seriously sucks right now and the timing of everything going down just makes it worse on multiple levels because it's giving me a lot of "what ifs" and "if onlys".

The emotional roller coaster has been wild over the past 36 hours, and I just want to get off.

[mintelepathy]

"Let me take care of you.."

idol!namjoon x reader/oc

established relationship

word count: +1.0k

genre: this is just pure fluff

warning: mentions of body insecurities

summary: oc needs to take a bath but her dizziness is making things difficult, lucky she, namjoon is there to help her.

mlist

You felt like a bus ran over you, your head ached, your eyes ached, your body ached, everything ached, you can’t even remember when was the last time you felt so weak.

It’s not usual of you to get sick but it happens sometimes, and you hate it, it makes you feel useless, you weren’t even able to get up today to drink water without using the walls of your apartment as support due to the dizziness you constantly feel.

It’s been two days since you started feeling unwell and instead of getting better, it just got worse. You didn’t want to worry Namjoon and that’s the reason he had no idea about your current health state, he’s been really busy lately and the last thing on your list was to bother him with this.

You’ve been texting him this morning and it seems like he made some time to hang out with you this weekend, so if you are lucky enough you’d feel like new by then.

You didn’t notice the moment you fell asleep, but what you did notice were the knocks on your door letting you know that someone was outside.

You got up from the bed with all the strength you had left and you slowly headed to see who was calling at your door.

“What happened to you?” that was the first thing your boyfriend said the moment he saw you.

“Do I really look so shitty?” you tried to smile but even that hurt.

He got inside the walls of your place never taking his eyes off you as he entered. You could notice how worried he was.

“Let me take you to bed” you wanted to stop him because you didn’t want him to get sick as well, but before you even got the chance to open the mouth he was already carrying you back to bed. “Why didn’t you tell me this?” he asked as he gently placed you on top of the bed before sitting next to you.

“I thought you were coming over this weekend so I guessed I was going to feel alright by then” he sighed.

“I wanted to surprise you, why didn’t you tell me anyways? I would have come sooner if I knew you were sick babe” his eyes looked so apologetic as if he knew you needed help and it was his fault he wasn’t there, when it wasn't like that because he actually didn’t have idea you weren’t feeling well.

“That’s exactly the reason I didn’t tell you, you’d have come right away despite you being busy, and you know I don’t like to bother you when you have work to do” the expression on his face after listened what you just said to him said it all.

“I don’t care if my schedule is packed, I can always make some time for you and that’s not going to affect my work ok?” you nodded. “Is there anything I can help you with now that I’m here?” you were so glad for the question.

“I really, really need a shower, I’ve been feeling so dizzy that I was scared to fall or something and get hurt, so I really need to take a bath before the flies start to fly around me” thanks god he was there to help you because you couldn't resist to spend a single more day without showering.

“I’ll fill the bathtub, wait right here” he leaned forward to leave a kiss on your forehead and went to prepare your bath.

Once he came back, he helped you to sit up and then slowly carried you to the bathroom.

There was something in the way he gently and carefully removed your clothes that made you realize how much he actually wanted to take care of you. You were so glad to have found something like him, he was nothing but the best person you could have.

You were now completely naked but you were far from feeling uncomfortable. Your body has always been one of your biggest insecurities, he was aware of that and he knew he couldn’t change the way you feel, but if there was something he always does is reminding you how beautiful you are to him, and he may think his words don’t have an influence but somehow they do, you knew he would never judge your feelings, and that’s the reason you felt so safe around him.

You could feel your whole body relaxing the moment you got inside the bathtub, the water’s temperature was perfect, just as warm as you like.

He softly started to caress your hair causing you to unconsciously close your eyes, it was so relaxing that if he kept doing it there was no way you could stay awake. You used to hate it when people touched your hair, but it was so different with him, you actually loved it and enjoyed so bad.

He then proceeded to wash your hair as you took your time to wash your body, and by time the water started to cool down you were already done with the bath.

He took you back to the bedroom and helped you to dress yourself up with the same gentleness and carefulness as previously, and once you were completely dressed you went back to bed and waited for him to bring you your hair brush.

“Let me do it” he said as he sat behind you.

“Are you sure? You’ve already helped me more than enough Joon” you turned your body to face him.

“Let me take care of you for the rest of the day babe, I’ll cook something for you after this okay?” he left a sweet peck on your lips and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay” you turned around again and let him brush your hair.

His presence definitely lifted your mood up, of course you still felt like a bus ran over you but it didn’t matter. Those past two days without him felt eternal, but now he was there with you.

And he will always be.

♡

a like or reblog is always appreciated 🤍