#saying she's grooming a 30 year old grown ass adult.

[pinkhysteria]

bbtwitter be normal about rubina challenge: failed over and over and over and over again

[chaifootsteps]

I’m so glad people are finally pointing out just how creepy Gabriel and Claire’s whole relationship actually is. I remember stumbling across a wedding Video some of his friends made for him and thinking “Aww, he’s married? How sweet!” Then I looked up Claire’s age in tangent to his, and the happiness turned into apprehension. Sure, a 10+ year age difference is kinda weird, especially when it’s with someone in their early 20s in tangent to mid 30s, but it wasn’t illegal. Then I remembered that he knew her and Michelle Creber since the early airing days of MLP G4. Which meant that he knew her since she was a teenager, and he was in his mid 20s. Yeah, fucking ew. I think we can all agree any relationship that starts with a grown ass adult meeting their lover as a high school freshman is a particularly healthy one, no matter what people say about legality.

Remember kids, just because the adult held off until the younger person was 18 to make a move, doesn’t make it morally okay. Coming from a victim of grooming.

I think that even if they'd just happened to meet when she was a kid, even if they'd just sort of existed on and off in the same pony spaces, it might have been okay. It would have still been extremely fucking weird, but okay, she asked him out when she was 20 and he said yes, fair enough.

Only that's not what happened. She was a 15 year old baby and this grown ass man was flirting outrageously with her. Disgusting.

[teeth-cable]

Im the CSA victim from UniformedArtists blog and I agree with you 1000% dropping everything Vivziepop.

Like I only watch Helluva even after the shit she's done to see how far it would sink but jesus christ.

You know her just saying the counselor is 18-19 isn't fucking good enough because the show says a different thing.

Like before people bring up the argument counselors can be adults... Most TV shows in media actually have minor counselors and we know Vivziepop doesn't research shit about hell or actual royalty so why the fuck am I supposed to believe Adam or her researched counselor age ranges.

Also nobody should have a twitter to figure out if you did or didn't make a grooming subplot.

You know in Curse of Strahd there's a controversial character Gertruda who 50 (500) year old Strahd is implied to planning take as another bride because of where you find her and in the book it states she's recently a teenager. However as much as I hate this plot line due to trauma I understand why it was added because WOTC portrays Strahd as a piece of shit. Like his goal is to chase down the reincarnation of his brother's fiance throughout time until he catches her, makes her a vampire and possibly brainwash/assault her to make her love him. Strahd is meant to be a gross creep. I as a DM and many other age Gertruda up to 18 because we don't want a pedo plot line and it keeps the predatory nature of Strahd intact.

Barbie seems to be portrayed in a significantly more positive light and her grooming behavior is never called out as a bad thing. Like Moxxie should say something at god damn least since he has morals.

There are so many things wrong with the EP. What gets me is writing has multiple stages, first the person needs to come up with the EP pitch, get the directer or network's approval, finish the first draft, then revisit it for grammar mistakes and continuity, then revise it a few more times for a stronger script, and send it to the directer or network again to approve of filming the finish script and that's not even counting how long animation takes too. So during the process of writing to animating, did no one at SpindleHorse see how weird and problematic the script was? The camp for pre-teens is called, "IWannaKumMore"(Their logo being a cum splat), Millie and Moxxie's human backstories of being siblings then making out at the end was unnecessary because they could have just been good friends whose mothers sent them to the same camp, Moxxie this grown ass adult who pretending to be a pre-teen is acting sexual and wants the kids attention, Millie who everyone else thinks is a young boy is getting sent nudes from kids and adults, and Barbie saying how easy teenagers are to manipulate then flash her ass to a boy is implying she grooms kids.

To be clear, I don't have a problem when a dark comedy make these types of jokes as all as they portray the topics and groomers as bad and show they understand that. SpindleHorse did not, like you mentioned they portrayed Barbie in the positive light and Moxxie never calls out her behavior despite being the voice of reason. In fact the tone of the Barbie's scene was supposed to funny but not in a dark ironic way. I don't understand why the camp couldn't be for college students and the consolers are stated and look like actual adults. Everything about the canon camp is childish and filled with teenagers, it's very uncomfortable to see them in sexual situations. In America the youngest a camp counselor can be is 15 y/o but that changes from states to states so no body has a clue, also with the camp counselor having a pitch voice, Barbie referring to him as kid and teenager and him, not once trying to correct her about his actual age, I'm convinced he was kid but Viv had to age him up for damage control.

I'm sorry if this response is all over the place because I'm having trouble describing my thoughts but the writers are in their 30s, and they saw nothing wrong? The writing for HB has been going down for a while now and it was fun to see how the writing could get worse but never in my years of watching awful shows did the writing get so bad, the writers had to resort to terrible jokes about sexualizing teenagers, making an incest joke, and a minor getting groomed unironically. I can't support a person or company that are fine making content like that.

"Unhappy Teenagers" was the first time, I have watched a show and felt a sinking feeling in my gut so much so it still lingers even a day later. I never felt so sick from watching a show and I'm sorry writers and companies think making this type of content and jokes of your trauma and abused experience is okay to do.

[0zzysaurus]

Jerma fans are fucking insane.

Imagine saying Jerma is "grooming" his girlfriend when they are both in their damn thirties. GOD FORBID two people who work closely on projects and have known each other for some time develop their relationship!! GOD FOR-FUCKING-BID??

This isn't like, oh she was a teenager when she started being a fan like SOME relationships I see popular streamers having - or they were talking when she was really young - BITCH SHE IS 30 YEARS OLD!! HE IS 36!! THEY ARE BOTH GROWN ASS ADULTS. THEY WERE ADULTS WHEN THEY STARTED TALKNG AND WORKING TOGETHER!! IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS WHAT TWO GROWN ASS PEOPLE CHOOSE TO DO WITH THEIR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS??

Like oh my god the Jerma fanbase really showing it's true colours right now. Some of you are so insanely obsessed with him and utterly jealous and angry at his girlfriend for simply EXISTING that you're going to go so far as to accuse Jerma of grooming her so you can feel better about yourself. And then you have the gall to turn around and call her parasocial? Get a fucking grip and grow up.

[retphienix]

I suppose this is a moment of truth of sorts.

As some random blogger who doesn't push any following, I'm growing exhausted both dancing around the subject of- and confronting the truth of the taboo relationships in the game, I won't lie.

Because I want to shout about disliking it, but what payoff is there to that shoutin' beyond skeeving myself out at emphasizing a part of this story I dislike?

So here's lip service: I'm not under the impression that what's along these paths is somehow the most dis-tasteful stuff possible. I never really suspected that much, and having sat down to watch Takemi and Kawakami's romance highlights (mostly just K's ferris wheel and both their bedroom talks) it's very clearly "trying" to be wholesome.

It's just that that doesn't agree with me, be it my own social bias or the concepts of grooming / what makes a healthy relationship that I've built for myself from those influencing forces around me.

At the end of the day, things like Kawakami's ferris wheel scene are so bog standard that you could interchange any characters and it'd play the same, it's more or less "I've never shown someone this part of myself, I love you, oh you love me too? I'm happy!" with sprinkled references to past events or quirks (like she slips and almost calls you master yet again).

It's, in itself, not the worst out there. But, for me, that doesn't really matter. It doesn't have to be the worst because I am still stuck looking at a 17 year old kid falling into a relationship with someone who has twice his life experience- half of which as an adult.

Like really that's it, and because it's so simple and there's no budging from my views on relationships, it's exhausting.

This kid relies on adults to survive, goes to school, and is still figuring out their childhood life before they can begin fully forming as an adult. This is a kid.

See what I mean by this topic's exhausting? It's just one point really with all the annoyance of societal standards vs personal ones and all that jazz.

Age gets less important the older the younger of the two people gets, IE if Joker was 30 then I don't give a fuck if he's dating skeletor that's two adults being two adults because he'd have acquired enough maturity and life experience to make those decisions by then.

17 ain't it, chief. I'm glad the scenes aren't like make-out sessions or alluding to adult content even as a joke- but it's still off-putting to see it presented as all hearts and flowers because a grown ass adult can date the child.

Ah well. As I said- I'm just a blogger rambling about games, ain't no influence or impact behind this beyond the potential to vent my own frustrations, and I'd say that has outstayed it's welcome as it's just exhausting to talk about now. So let's talk about THIS scene instead- a much happier topic I promise-

I was curious if the base Kawakami story would be tainted by the romance path, and beyond the "Please god stop putting this in here for the player's benefit- this is a child" moments earlier in her story, it's been pretty nice tbh.

The only negative I can potentially say is the very clear attempt to imply something raunchy through her rank 10 perk- I have yet to use the massage (obviously, posting this after just unlocking it) and a massage isn't inherently sexual- but there's no denying it was a decision made by the devs to tie up this social link of innuendos with yet another.

All told- I really really like Kawakami :)

Enough to the point where I could forgive the fanservice angles of some earlier dialogue because I like her character and the story's resolution.

It's still tainted by the same muck the other adult women have via the adult x high schooler romance path, but that wasn't present in my playthrough so it's easier to lampshade at the moment.

I dig her growth as she overcomes an intensely stifling experience; I dig seeing her excited to teach and truly flourishing in the role; I laughed multiple times in this final conversation- like holy shit that was funny to me.

The build up as if she's found us out- only to rant about us slacking off. And then to casually drop "Oh yeah you're a PT I know it." just so nonchalant.

ACE stuff, loved this conversation.

Now if only the devs didn't think it was funny or romantic or alluring or whatever they thought when they dropped like all the adults into these overly saccharine ferris wheel and bedroom scenes where grown ass adults my age tell a kid in high school they love him, that'd be cool, lmao.

[genuinerosequartz]

TW!!!! INCEST, PEDOPHILIA, AND GROOMING.

Friendly reminder that you can be normal and you can be a disgusting Rivamika shipper like these people 💞

But whats wrong with Rivamika you might ask? Well let me be the one to inform you that EVERYTHING is wrong with it 🥰

Levi and Mikasa are relatives! Not 60th cousins 50 times removed! Cousins you would probably see at a cookout! 3rd cousins at most! Disgusting!!!

Additionally, Levi is around 30-40 years old! Although Mikasa is 19 years old (which by the way would still mean Levi is predatory for dating a 19 year old at his old ass age, however a grown ass adult cannot understand that because they probably like teens; however for the sake of argument, lets say that it is okay, as it is legal); she was 15 when they met? What does this mean? That means that Levi, who was around 30 years old when they met, would've had to groom Mikasa in their relationship! While Levi did not take the traditional creepy "i cant wait until you're 18 so we can fuck" approach, this ship indicates that he started dating her once she hit the legal age of consent; which is still absolutely disgusting!

Before deciding you would ship this, would you begin dating your 15 year old cousin you met at the family reunion? Would you beging dating your 19 year old cousin? Your 30 year old cousin? Your 40 year old cousin? If you had a teacher, and that teacher began dating you as soon as you entered college, would that feel okay? If you were a teacher, would you wait for one of your *students* to turn 18/19 to fuck them?

Our lovely individuals in the screenshot above here dont seem to understand that Rivamika is incredibly disgusting, and cant answer those questions.

I'd love to understand their views on incest and grooming but they unfortunately blocked me for asking difficult questions 🥰

[khiphop-discussions]

Oh your last line hit the nail on the head about how he's finding these women they're definitely predators & it sucks bc it keeps happening bc they probably feel like no one's gonna call them out bc women who prey on boys typically dont get called out bc a lot of these boys think it's a badge of honor to be with an older girl which is fine if she still a girl THIS WENCH A GROWN ASS WOMAN! It's not a badge of honor like he's literally a victim.. and yes on top of being morally fucked it's also very illegal he is literally in his 1st year of high school he's 18 Korean age she is 30.. 30 years old dating a 1st year high schooler like literally how do you sleep at night... I'm 26 & I couldnt go any lower than 21 & even thas pushin it for me like I'd have to reaaally know & reaaally like him so a teenager? That woman needs to face consequences like deadass..

Apparently she's only 25 but still???? Like ewwwwww

It's a very unfortunate and gross situation and he literally has fans (who are probably and HOPEFULLY) as young as he is, ENCOURAGING him and saying he's right if you look at his IG story. So no matter how many fans who know better trying to get through to him, he has people who think this shit is ok.

Side note: but the amount of grooming going on in society? Like so many adults think this type of shit is ok as soon as the person is "legal". The amount of adults who will fight tooth and nail for people to be able to date/fuck teenagers just cause they are "legal". It's like...really? THAT'S the hill you'll die on? And I know it's because a lot of them have been groomed to think it's ok either personally or by society (a lot of the times both). And also because a lot of them have been either the older or the younger one in a dynamic like this.

It's just crazy to me cause it's like...do you not fucking remember how underdeveloped you were at that age? Like this is the reason I'm still iffy about even dating someone 21. Cause even just THREE short years later, I can recognize how much growth happened. 17-19? Oh man, FORGET about it! Those years COUNT at 25 or so and younger. Like your BRAIN isn't even fully there yet.

[horrorempathya]

Let me preface this whole entire meta with a background because y’all need life stories to respect people on tumblr dot fucking com apparently. When I was 22 I was dating someone that was 24. About the same age. The thing is, I let myself be a rebound. I fell in love with this chick, head over heels in love with this chick. One day I took her home from work in MY car and she broke up with me AFTER I took her home in MY car. Anyway, we tried to stay friends, but she kept telling me, a lesbian, repeatedly that I was bisexual. She tried assigning MY sexuality to ME and I was just absolutely played with and manipulated while she tried to get over her last relationship. I had just finished a 2 year college and was trying to get my bachelor’s degree. I didn’t like what I was going for. I spent the next 3 years bouncing job to job, living with a cousin and just genuinely depressed. I needed to do something. I joined the military. After boot  camp, while in technical school I met this 19 year old. We’re the same rank, same actual timeline in the military, both in technical school. Age gap, but career wise, we’re on EXACTLY the same page. We dated for a total of a week before I caught her making out with a dude on the playground. Heart broken, AGAIN. But now I have a whole ass career to think about.

Anyway, I understood her mental capacity. Age difference, but career wise and mentally, we’re on the same page. Relationship wise? We absolutely were not. All I want out of life is to fucking love someone or maybe two because I might be poly. Who knows, you never have your whole entire life figured out before 30, at least. People that tell you that you should are WRONG. You might still be trying to find a career, you might still be trying to publish a book, you might have just gotten out of severe depression. Whatever. There’s no timeline.

I am now taking a class at a time for sociology with a minor in psychology. This is shit I absolutely love studying, so let me pull out a few articles, reference them from actual peer reviewed journals from researchers. “ “[i]n most cases, except those involving abuse by a stranger, the perpetrator involves children in sexual abuse through a grooming process in which a combination of kindness, attention, material enticement, special privilege, and coercion are expertly applied” (Dietz, 2018) We’re ignoring, of course, that Freud is used frequently. 

“ A process by which a person prepares a child, significant others, and the environment for the abuse of this child. Specific goals include gaining access to the child, gaining the child’s compliance, and maintaining the child’s secrecy to avoid disclosure. This process serves to strengthen the offender’s abusive pattern, as it may be used as a means of justifying or denying their actions.” ( Molly, et al, 2018) In this pattern, adult grooming can also be possible.

Anyway, by saying that I’m perpetrating grooming because I ship Burtonfield is highly offensive. Claire Redfield may have known Moira at younger stages, but it was purely a friendship. Claire wanted nothing out of the relationship, she didn’t set out to abuse Moira, she didn’t want sex from Moira. So to ship them after the island incident in which Moira SAVED CLAIRE’S LIFE is more of a newer developed co-dependency. They now understand each other’s trauma because they both lived through it, their marriage and relationship is based upon two grown ass adults who decided they can’t live without each other. There are no other ultimatums. 

Here’s your long ass explanation because Tumblr can’t chill the fuck out and just write. Grooming is the process that leads into pedophilia or abuse. Pardon me if I referenced wrong in quotes, I didn’t make sure I was doing APA style correctly. Anyway, I would suggest using critical thinking more often and stop just rushing to believe what someone told you at face value.

References:

 Dietz, P. (2018). Grooming and Seduction. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 33(1), 28–36. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260517742060

Molly R. Wolf, Braden K. Linn, Doyle K. Pruitt. (2018) Grooming child victims into sexual abuse: a psychometric analysis of survivors’ experiences. Journal of Sexual Aggression 24:2, pages 215-224.

[honkhonkrichard]

Id love to hear about the reddie wedding

WORM OKAY THIS IS LONG BUT FUCK I LOVE IT

so after IT Eddie lost his arm, and Stan lost his leg saving eddie’s life (stans still alive n well and he had a baby with Patty dw) and Eddie went to live with Richie in Beverly Hills after his recovery in Maine and properly divorcing/leaving Myra (with the assistance of Patty, who is a family lawyer, conveniently.)

After 2 months of the excruciating tension of living with Richie, because when he was knocked out in the hospital in Maine, Richie confessed how he had an infatuation with Eddie that didn’t seem like it was going away, Richie finally asked Eddie if he’d like to go on a date. 

They dated for 12 beautiful, sexy months before Richie popped the question. It was on the drive back from a trip to see Beverly and Ben, to meet their newborn girl. Richie pulled up to a beach in California, and they walked along it. Eddie got caught up in the way the sky looked, and when he turned to look at Richie’s reaction, Richie was on one knee.

“Eddie, you are the bravest person, I’ve ever met.” He said. “You’ve taught me how to take care of myself, you’ve taught me how to be strong and how to clean my dick properly. I love you and I love your eyes and your ass- I should’ve written this down-” 

Eddie’s crying be now. “I love yours too” 

“Gross.” 

they both laugh. they’re crying. Richie’s crying. Openly, on this beach in California with Eddie.

“Edward Christopher Kaspbrak. You’ve taught me that being in love shouldn’t be hidden, or feared. You’ve shown me what it’s like to feel loved and to love someone else and for the rest of my living days I want that feeling for both of us. Will you marry me?” 

“Richard James Tozier I will marry you.” 

The wedding happened in October. The two of them giggled with delight as they decided to get married on Halloween. There were flowers of all kinds everywhere, with lots of natural lighting. 

Richie had a red suit, covered in yellow, orange and purple flowers. He had his big orange glasses, hair slicked back was shaking intensely. Stan was his best man, and Richie’s father walked him down the aisle, reminding him of how proud he was, and how he loved and supported him. 

(in Richie’s heart, he knew if poor Maggie Margret Tozier were still alive, she’d be in tears)

Bill, of course, walked Eddie down the aisle. He wasn’t crying but his eyes were shining. 

Richie’s heart was caught in his throat when he saw Eddie. Eddie had a simple, silk baby blue suit with one arm gone so his new bionic arm Richie got him for his birthday that year was on full display. His hair was very curly, and blond, with one green ring pierced through his right ear. 

As soon as Eddie’s at the altar, he breathes out a hi, and Richie responds in the same tone, you look amazing, Stan, from behind Richie, choked out a sob. 

(Beverly, who was Eddie’s best man, was also crying.) 

As for vows, either I copy Brooklyn Nine Nine (as Jake is Richie and Amy is Eddie, x or script x) or it would go something like this:

Richie: “Okay, uhm. Eds. Holy shit. Uh.. Here we are. If you told me at 14 I’d be marrying a man at the ripe old age of 41, I’d laugh at you and call you names. But here we are. I’ve never met someone who challenges me so much, but lets me win anyway so as to not hurt me or break my disturbingly fragile heart. You’ve made me do things I’ve never thought about trying. You made me want to be a better person, and you’ve turned me gay. It’s no joke its true I guarantee it. And even though I talk for a living and everything I’ve ever done has relied on me talking or joking around. I love you too much to try and put it into words. You’ve officially left me speechless Eddie, and I love you for that.” 

Eddie: “When I married Myra, there was something in my bones that told me I shouldn’t. Like someone was trying to convince me it was a bad idea - it was. It was probably intuition, but the more I think about it, the more I begin to think it was your voice. When we were kids, I hated your voice but now.. It’s all I hear. I almost left Myra at the altar. And I thought marriages were supposed to be dull. But you’ve showed me more colour than I could describe. And I know that when I’m with you, Richie, I’ll be smiling and laughing for the rest of my life. I love you. 

Eddie: “But I have some bad news. There is a bomb at this wedding.” 

Richie: “what?”

Eddie: “Your butt. Your butt is the bomb, there will be no survivors.”

Richie tries to hide the tears that to stream down his face. The dam is broken. Richie is crying. 

“I love you so much.. You’re the love of my life.”

{from here}

“Do you, Richie Tozier, take Eddie to be your lawfully wedded husband?”“I do.”Richie turns to the crowd. “Or do I?”

“Richie..”

“I do. I definitely do.”

“Do you, Eddie Kaspbrak, take Richie to be your lawfully wedded husband.”

“I absolutely do.” (Apple-solutely)

“You may kiss the groom.” 

Contrary to popular assumption, Eddie grabs Richie by the collar and dips him to kiss him, and the crowd goes wild. 

They run down the aisle, hand in hand before eddie stops and looks at the bouquet in his hands. He and Richie share a wild grin before throwing it behind him and Mike and Bill both catch it at the same time.

Stan gives a best man speech at the dinner (choice of two meals, both grooms chose one. Eddie chose chicken nuggets and fries and Richie chose spaghetti and meatballs). 

He stands. “I’d like to say a few words.” He says, leaning on his bionic leg. His daughter Daisy is in his arm, she was born on May 28th, exactly a year after the 6 phone calls. She’s holding her sippy cup of apple juice out like her father is. She gets some awwwws from the crowd. 

“I’ve known Richie since he was six years old. He’s been my best friend for over 35 years. When we were 12, I was convinced that I’d watch this boy get older, but never grow up. […] the day he called me and told me he was getting married, that he wanted me to be his best man and wanted my help with the wedding, I cried. Because it was that day when I realized that my barely-functioning childish best friend had grown up. Into a barely function childish adult. I’ve known all my life things that are real, And what is beyond our control. I know time is beyond our control. I know the things that shape us, physically and mentally, are out of our control. I know that flight is real, that marriage and law is real. And a vend diagram of Real and Uncontrollable only has one thing between them. The love of Eddie and Richie. Uncontrollable, and totally, helplessly real. [to Richie and Eddie] I’m proud of you. And I love you both.”

Richie breaks down, collapsing into Stan’s arms and hugging him and crying so much.

When they have their first dance, Richie trips and falls onto Eddie, and the room laughs. Richie and Eddie kiss. 

Richie sings a song, and sings it to Eddie. It’s probably something like this or maybe this

And Eddie cries

When Ben finds them, and congratulates them, he’s smiling so much it hurts. “Much fancier than mine.” he says. He and Beverly eloped. They didn’t have a wedding. “I’m a bit jealous.” 

Beverly is crying. “I can’t believe it took you mother fuckers 30 god damn years. I hate you both. Hug me.” She gives them both a kiss on the cheek. 

“Should’ve known your wedding was gonna be the best.” Mike laughs at them. “Chicken nuggets, floral suits and rockin’ music. Only the finest.”

Bill sort of sits, in the back of the room. He came alone. Audra left him in the summer of last year. He’s not one for romance, anymore. 

“I’m proud of you two.” he says. “You guys are great together. Really.”

He doesn’t stutter once. 

Richie cries again in Stan’s shoulder. He’s so happy. Stan’s also crying. 

“You would’ve said something better at my wedding. I know it.” Stan says. “You would’ve brought the church to tears.” 

“You didn’t get married in a church.” Eddie frowns.

“We didn’t get married. We just put a ring on eachother and said fuck it.”

Richie, through his tears, looks at Stan. “You’ve been wearing a cockring for 20 years?” 

“You’ll be doing it too, I’m sure.” 

Richie and Eddie’s honeymoon is marking things off their bucketlist. They go visit Richie’s dad in Italy. They go see Frank Kaspbrak’s grave. They go see the northern lights. They go through all of Europe and some places in Asia. Richie takes him to the Golden Globes and every time Eddie is introduced Richie says “This is my husband, Eddie.” 

When they get back, they sit in Richie’s big, Beverly Hill’s house, and they sigh.

“Eds?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re married.”

“We’re an old married couple.” 

Richie gasps. “We are!”

They laugh and cuddle next to each other. 

“I love you.” “I love you too.”

[sirensongster]

consider: aziraphale putting a flower crown on crowley and like- arranging his hair so it falls perfectly that night he spent hours reading flower books so that he could choose the prettiest flowers to put on his demon boyfriend's head

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my god. oh my god. i love this. fuck yes. flower crown crowley. upgrade to this: its the night of their wedding. so instead of a veil crowley gets a FLOWER CROWN.yes he is the bride. anathema helped him pick out the dress and its just lovely. its got long sleeves and it’s white like a traditional wedding dress. aziraphales in black. they wanted to wear eachothers colours for this and their wings are out the whole ceremony. crowleys in heels. this is off the rails quite a lot but FUCK IT THAT DOESNT MATTER. its wedding time bitches. oh yeah no one really “officiates” the wedding, the papers are done before hand. they just wanted a party but are they going to bring in a priest? no. fuck that. anathema is where the priest normally is because they dont actually know more than four humans! like who the fuck else was going to do it, shadwell???? no! oh yeah and the them (excluding pepper) are the flower boys and pepper gets to be the ring bearer, because who trusts an 11 year old boy with two blessed/cursed rings? oh yeah ring time bitch. aziraphales ring is a black snake with yellow eyes thats cursed to tighten every time crowleys scared/hurt/in trouble, and crowleys is a set of wings, blessed to tighten whenever aziraphale is scared/hurt/in trouble. and the fact that theyre blessed/cursed just makes it better because theyre immune to blessings/curses/holy water/hell fire respectively, while those who are actually a threat to them arent. its like a tiny reminder of “hey. come closer and you’re probably going to die. fuck off gabriel.” when they kiss at the whatever the fuck its called (altar?? podium??? stand???????? help.) they put their wings in the way. aziraphale ends up with a feather in his hair but thats ok. the reception is fucking incredible, they end up just all going to crowleys flat bc its sure as hell big enough and what would they even rent out?? theres nothing *in* tadfield. and its not like they want to miracle everyone somewhere, they dont want to attract the attention of heaven OR hell. especially not during their wedding, while crowleys in a long fuck off dress that he probably wont be able to run in very well. ANYWAYS. when they get to crowleys flat theres just. so much liquor. and punch for the kiddos. the thems parents dont exactly approve of the fact that theres literally a barrels worth of vodka while theres children but ok i guess. its not like the kids are going to drink any or the adults are going to do more than a shot or two before the kids leave. the kids do end up leaving at like 7, and most of the party time was just old stories that humans dont have anymore, odd stories of shenanigans they got up to in rome (not anything dirty, hell most of the stories theyre not even together in. theres about 30 minutes of aziraphale just talking about what he did while crowley was hibernating for a century.) after the them are gone everyone just goes fuckin BONKERS. everyone who was at armageddon was invited because they all definitely kept in touch, but thats it. again, these two are the top hermits in all of history. they just fucked around most of history not bothering much with befriending humans. crowley did pay more attention in the human relations part of things but does he ever talk to them again after a temptation? no. no he does not. so theres only like 6 adults. and god are they all hammered. all but madame tracy are light weights. the humans anyways, these two have been heavy drinkers for millennia. aziraphale and crowley drank at least 10x what a human could possibly drink before getting alcohol poisoning and dying. that does not mean they have a tolerance at all. they just get really funny between the 3rd drink and whenever they decide to stop. and cuddly. crowley doesnt stop touching aziraphale the whole time. not even in a sexual way at all hes just like. sitting in his lap. or being carried. or playing with ziras wing bc GOD ARE HIS FEATHERS SOFT. zira doesnt take care of them well though so crowley ends up just silently sitting behind zira and putting all the feathers where they should be an all that while zira goes off about cake or something. anathema finds this adorable. probably because she cant stop laughing her ass off at everything. [newt brought weed brownies. anathema ate like 4. the new husbands arent gonna let her die or end up in the hospital though. shell bee fine.] I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE CAKE. its really cheesy. it does have white icing like a traditional wedding cake, but the inside is pink. like its just pink from food colouring. its just a vanilla cake dyed pink. now you may be thinking, whos idea was it to make the cake PINK? crowleys. crowley wanted a pink cake. no one but aziraphale knows this. aziraphale finds it really really cute. everyone else thinks it was aziraphales doing but NOPE. its also got lil angel and demon cake toppers but its not of them, no. theyre store bought. crowley thought it would be funny and aziraphale went with it. (he secretly also found it funny, but also found it inappropriate to laugh at it.) theres no professional photographer, aziraphale didnt really want to involve more humans in this than their friends, and its not like most of their memories together have been documented at all. photos have only been around like 200ish years, thats nothing in the face of 6 millennia. this does not however, stop anathema and newt from taking a million pictures on their phones. at least they have the sense to not take pictures when crowley starts crying. though its not like thye could get a good picture of that anyways, wings are really easy to hide behind when theyre that big. oh shit i really went off the rails on this one but thats ok. ive a feeling no one really minds. oh yeah the actual fuckin wedding is in crowleys greenhouse. its impossibly big. and logically should not fit in the flat at all. that one was somewhat hard to explain to beelzebub, but its not like they really care that much. they were just curious as to what the FUCK one demon could do with a greenhouse of all things. they did not get an answer. just a flower pot to the face and a run away demon. beelz wasnt even all that mad just suprised like the audacity of that mother fucker. anyways. the (altar?? podium?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING CALLED I STILL HAVENT FIGURED IT OUT AND ITS BEEN 5 MINUTES) was literally grown. its like a flower bush (more like two) that were grown in an arc. crowley did not clear much space for this at all, just the isle and enough chairs for everyone. not that he moved plants for those. just put chairs on top of short plants. the thems parents were really really fuckin confused as to “what the hell?? how did they do this. what.” but stayed because no one else seemed to be bothered much by it, the kids were like ‘same shit as always’ and the grooms seemed happy about this. it was a hassle to actually get to the chairs without stepping on the plants though. and didrie (is that how its spelled??? adams mom.) swears she saw some of the plants trembling when the petals were thrown. she also swears that the bride has snake eyes?? crowley doesnt wear his sunglasses the whole time so all the lights are a bit dimmed, not quite to the point that the humans cant see but if they were any lower it might have been a bit of a problem. especially with all of the mother fucking VINES. why are there vines all over the place crowley?? he does not have an answer. he may have gone over board a few years ago and just. leaves them there. theyre not hurting anybody. SPEAKING OF CROWLEYS SNAKE FEATURES! crowley ends up stammering and hissing through his vows. aziraphale finds this adorable. look at my hissy idiot. i love him. thats all that goes through ziras head. eventually he just lifts his wing so no one can see and kisses him because they both know crowley isnt goign to be able to say it in the next ten minutes. oh yeah their vows are done in latin. because what else would they do it in? also they bless/curse one another in their vows. because it cant hurt them, and its like the rings from earlier. no one with intent to harm them can touch them now without being burned by the blessing/curse. anyone. it can bee beelzebub or gabriel or some human, theyre getting burned. zira lets crowley finish the curse before kissing him obviously. all humans but anathema are confused by this, anathema learned latin as a teenager to better be able to understand occult books. she regrets the fact that she can understand them because theyre being very very lovey dovey and she thinks they did it in latin so no one would be able to understand them. so she just stands there and ends up with her face red as a tomato by the time they’re done. newt is kinda concerned and very confused because “what just happened??? i know that was vows. i think.”

[hellsbellschime]

so people are mad about yet another age gap relationship. this time between lucy hale and skeet ulrich which honestly good for them both and also i’m jealous imo my bi ass thinks they’re both fine as hell. but imo also there’s a huge difference between their age diff between 20 years (he’s 50 and she’s 30) and leonardo dicaprio dating 18-23 year olds or whatever his cutoff age limit is. like there’s clearly a very different dynamic with whatever they have going on because she’s a literal grown ass woman. as i said leo’s relationships feel very much rooted in power dynamics and ageism. idk i can’t see where people are getting the idea that lucy hale was groomed by skeet ulrich lol.

Yeah that’s a reach on that one, like yeah that’s a big age gap but Lucy Hale is 30, she can decide to date a 50-year-old if she wants, I think that’s hardly comparable to Leonardo DiCaprio dating teenagers. Not to mention, Lucy and Skeet are not outrageously more famous or more successful than one another? She’s a fully formed adult and he’s not really in a position to take advantage of her (at least on paper, i.e. like how Leo always dates 20-year-old nobodies despite the fact that he’s insanely rich and famous, obviously anyone can be manipulative or abusive but he’s not already in a position of power over her). If that kind of age differential isn’t for anyone that’s fine, but to say that she’s being taken advantage of is ridiculously infantalizing.