#saying im ugly or smth bc i dared to make them think about this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

igbylicious · 7 months ago

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it’s a tradition i treasure DEEPLY asdkjasdkdjdasjkdas!!!! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

The sweater metaphor 🥺 it’s so good. weaters are warm and comforting.

aw i’m glad hehe i really wanted those cosy vibes for them!! (〃▽〃 )

God. it’s difficult to see others living your dream u_u pfff <3

sometimes living vicariously through fanfic is a joy, sometimes it’s a cruelty! ( ╯□╰ )

“so little” yeah sooo little, like having a loving, mutually beneficial relationship with two adonis-like men who are fun, kinky, and genuinely care about you. Barely anything at all 💅

well when you put it like that… they do bring just a lil smth to the table i guess uwu

uh oh simp alert!! (<- said as if i have not spent the last 6 months screaming into the void about ateez)

pffff hahaha at least San balances it all out by being just as bad of a simp right back! (╹◡╹✿)

i may be in love with him. you cant prove anything though.

sus 👀

i kinda really wanna see this, at the very least to satiate my desire to see Wooyoung beg, sob, whimper, and lose his actual mind

‘begging, sobbing, whimpering and losing his actual mind’, you say? noted ____〆(ⓛωⓛ)

hnjdfhjh Woo coming without any more help ;;;; i wanna pet him and tell him he did so good ;;;;;;;;;;;;;

saaaaaame ;;;;;;; San was stronger than i could ever be for reigning back his reaction asdsjkadsjkdsajk

Oh shes just like me fr fr

ASKDJASDKJ OK SEEING THOSE TWO QUOTES SIDE-BY-SIDE MADE ME SNORT-LAUGH SO UGLY god i wish i could say that was intentional xD but yeah reader at her most relatable LOL

how DARE you make me have emotions in the middle of this !!!!!! (affectionate) one moment im having thoughts none of which are in the bible, the next im all… all,

he’s their Sannie!!! ;;;; true story i actually had to take a short break here from writing bc i needed a good think on how to pivot back into the hard smut after that asdkjadskjkjs 〒▽〒

ASDKJASDKJKADSJJKADSJSDJKASKDJ

i will never get enough of how you write sub wooyoung, especially when he’s in this state - wrecked and pliant.

ngl he is easily my favourite sub to write EVER 〒▽〒 if that favouritism is showing in the fic, well, good! he deserves it!!! i always get all giggly & happy abt all your reactions, but the reactions to sub Wooyoung have an extra extra special place in my heart asjkasdjkdaskj ♡

need dick from a guy who whines /gen

FOR REAL!!!!!!!!! ಥ_ಥ

im no dom nor a switch, but i can imagine it’s such a nice change of pace after he’s been the one with most of the responsibility so far. (maybe i just assume it takes more out of a person to dom than it actually does? who knows lol xo)

i think that’s a fair assumption! obv it depends on the dom how much a scene wears them out and what kindof aftercare they need; but considering San had to look after TWO tied-up subs, making sure they’re both satisfied and safe during a pretty intense session? yeah i think that would take a lot out of most doms; that man is TIRED and absolutely deserves to get spoiled in return! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

endlessly amusing to me that San is the dom™ most of the time, but also the most shy out of the bunch xD woo and reader are being menaces and he’s just spluttering and trying to keep up with their shenanigans<3

asldjkasldksja i was lowkey hoping someone would point that out lol!!! yeah San is comfortable and confident abt sex within like, very specific parameters, but take one tiny step outside of them and he’s an instant blushy mess („• ᴗ •„)

By the way i'm keeping a doc of all this yelling im doing because i document EVERYTHING, and bc it's under a read-more and i don't want to risk losing it when i inevitably change my tumblr url, or tumblr fuckin... burns and dies. and i thought you might like to have access to it as well! so heres a link :)

omg we both have must-document-brain I LOVE IT, i keep backups of feedback ppl leave on this fic so it’s 1) all nicely gathered in one place & 2) in case smth ever gets messed up BUT THIS IS SO NICE AND STRUCTURED AHHHHHHHHH (♡°▽°♡) (i got the documenting part down, i do *not* got the organisational part down lol!)

ALSO!!! IN CASE YOU THOGUHT I WAS KIDDING ABT PRINTING IT OUT!!!!!!!

they keep me company when i’m making foodies hehe ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

whichever way [woosan x reader] pt10

pairing: woosan x f reader

rating: 18+

genre: smut, fluff-ish, neighbours au, friends with benefits

ch. summary: You and Wooyoung get tied up again, under slightly different circumstances than last time.

wc: 9.3k

ch. warnings: dom San, sub Wooyoung, sub reader, San gets a lil mean here and there but he’s such a huge softie underneath it all, threesome, objectification, praise kink, degradation kink (@ Wooyoung, ‘slut’ is used 1x) & degradation as praise, blowjob, light choking on cock, orgasm denial, subspace, vaginal / anal fingering, cockwarming sorta, vibrator, DP (vaginal / anal), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, a few spanks, biting & bruises, pain kink, dacryphilia, squirting, creampies, condomless sex w/ IUD, aftercare, nicknames for reader (‘baby’, ‘good girl’, ‘cocksleeve’, ‘(fuck)toy’, ‘cockslut’ & ‘rope bunny’ 1x) (+ a 5 sec mention of shower sex (handjob) w/ lowkey subby San at the very end)

a/n: features a soft-bodied, aromantic reader who uses she/her pronouns.

additional warning: reader is referred to as ‘little’ 1x, but it’s strictly meant as ‘calling you cute in a lowkey demeaning way’, not a reflection on physical size

masterlist. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

After your heart-to-heart with San and Wooyoung, nothing changes immediately. Not on the surface, at least.

Like a beloved warm sweater which has its seams reinforced by all your care and effort; it still looks the same on the outside, but less liable to tear or fray. The same patterns are intertwined through your shared lives, but strengthened, solidified.

Of course, the details of how the three of you fit together will need to be figured out in the long run — but for now, you are perfectly happy where you are.

(Especially when ‘where you are’ is, once again, the familiar space of San’s bedroom.)

“That’s it, baby, doing so well,” San hums, enveloping you in sweet encouragement.

He has you on your knees and bent over, your mouth stuffed full with Wooyoung’s cock. One of San’s large hands runs up and down your back, the other rests on your waist. Strong fingers dig into the soft meat of your hip, keeping your ass pressed against his clothed crotch.

“Get Wooyoungie real close for me, won’t you?” San says, his sweats doing little to hide the growing bulge that he’s rocking into the cleft of your ass. “Want him hard and squirming before he gets anywhere near your sweet cunt.”

You whine a muffled moan around Wooyoung, eager to obey San’s demands, and even more eager to get to the next part.

It’s finally time to revisit a certain bondage experiment; to have you and Wooyoung tied up together — only this time, there won’t be any clothes in the way. There won’t be any heartfelt, quiet conversations either; you and Wooyoung had both asked San to push you tonight, and San’s eyes had lit up with a bright gleam that promised you’d get exactly what you asked for, and perhaps even a little more.

Already San delivers on his promise; using you to push Wooyoung right to the edge before San has tied even a single rope around either of you.

It won’t take much longer now. Wooyoung shudders with a choked groan when you take him a little deeper, his chest heaving as he lays on the bed, an arm slung over his flushed face. Your hands rest on his hips, holding him down while you get him riled up to San’s liking.

San’s hand slides all the way up your spine, between your shoulder blades to the nape of your neck, where he guides your head down with firm pressure. You make a gurgled wet noise when Wooyoung hits the back of your throat, but San takes it slow, gives you time to relax and control your breathing.

“There you go, that’s my good girl,” he says, voice smooth as silk. The petname hits harder than ever before, wrapped securely in the knowledge that you’ll stay his good girl for a long time to come. “What a messy thing you are, drooling on Wooyoung’s dick exactly like you’re told. Our obedient cocksleeve, gonna fill up all your pretty holes just like you deserve.”

Anticipation sears through you at San’s praise, soaking your untouched cunt as you whimper. They will test your limits today, just like your patience is being tested right now, needing them both inside you already. The weight of Wooyoung’s cock on your tongue is pleasing — but it is not enough, not when you know what is to come.

San reaches a hand between your thighs and groans in appreciation at what he finds, greeted by wet slick when he parts your folds.

“Is that just from taking Woo’s cock down your throat, baby? Didn’t even need my fingers to get you nice and wet, did you?” San asks, but his hand is still firm on the back of your head, refusing to let you off Wooyoung’s dick for an actual answer.

Salty precum leaks onto your tongue while San still slowly guides you up and down, and your eyes tear up at the insistent prodding at the back of your throat. Without warning, San starts rubbing rough circles around your clit, and he chuckles with obvious delight at your muffled noise, convulsing against his harsh touch.

“Fuck, Woo, look at that. Takes so little to get her worked up, she wants to be used so bad.”

(Yes, yes, you want to moan at him. Want them to use you, to take you for themselves; your body, your pleasure, your all.)

Wooyoung breath hitches at the way you whine around him, but he lifts his arm off his face and looks at you, just like San told him to. A shudder runs through him at the sight of your lips around his cock, plump and glossy, moving with San’s steady but unrelenting pace. Wooyoung’s eyes are watery already, like his body senses what will soon happen to him.

“Shit…” he rasps, his gaze fixated on where he disappears inside your mouth. “Hmnh, making me f-feel so good… Getting close, Sannie…”

“You can hold out a bit longer,” San tells him, almost dismissively. “Need to prep our sweet girl at least a little bit, if we want her to take us both tonight. Wouldn’t want to break her, would you Woo?”

“N-no— ngh—!”

Wooyoung chokes up when you let out another loud, garbled moan around him. You can’t help yourself; your head is starting to feel fuzzy, intoxicated by San’s rough fingers on your clit and the way he talks about you, like you’re his plaything to take care of. He hasn’t even tied a single rope around you yet, and already you’re bound to his will.

San chuckles fondly at how noisy you are, but there is a condescending edge to the sound. His hand tightens just slightly around the nape of your neck, holding you in place on Wooyoung’s cock. The tip teases right at the back of your throat this way, your nose nearly touching his pelvis, and you whine as San presses harder into your clit.

“Hey, hey, quiet down, baby,” San gently chides you, like he isn’t the very one making it impossible for you to do so. “Are you trying to make it even harder on Woo not to cum? Later, when he’s stuffed in your wet cunt; then you get to be as loud as you want. Fuck, you won’t be able to help yourself, not with I’ve got in store for you. But for now… Don’t let him waste his load on your throat, alright?”

You can barely fight back the next moan, a few stray tears escaping down your cheeks. You hear San’s voice from somewhere far away, reminding you to take steady breaths. You do just so, feeling slightly less light-headed and overwhelmed, but Wooyoung is still throbbing in your mouth, so deep that every tiny quiver of his hips causes you to spasm around him. You push down on Wooyoung’s waist a little harder, trying to keep him in place.

“That’s it, deep breaths, just like that. Good girl, listening so well,” San praises you — only to instantly abandon your clit and bury two fingers deep inside you.

The sudden intrusion has you keening, a jolt searing through your body as San forces you to accommodate his thick fingers. Wooyoung jerks against your grip, hissing broken curses as his veiny hands scramble for purchase in the sheets. Your hold on Wooyoung slips for just a second, leaving his hips free to buck up and make you gag on his cock with a wet gurgle, tears and drool spilling down your face.

“Easy, easy…” San’s grip on your head relents, and his thumb finds the crook of your shoulder, firmly kneading your tensed muscles. His cock presses half-hard against your ass, twitching with growing interest as you shudder under his touch, his fingers curling inside you. “Just need you to keep Wooyoungie’s dick warm while I get this tight cunt ready for him. You’ve been doing so well, just a little more.”

The need to please San ripples through you like a warm, soothing wave, but it’s hard to stay relaxed when a deep pressure has been building between your thighs. San is thorough as he scissors you open, and Wooyoung whimpers, instinctively trying to thrust into your mouth, to take pleasure into his own hands. You try to keep Wooyoung down, but your grip on his hips is not strong, and grows weaker as San continues to stretch your cunt.

At first you think the brush of his thumb against your clit is accidental.

Then it happens again, and again, and San’s thumb quickly becomes clear in its intent; to make you squirm just as much as Wooyoung. And when San sets his mind on something, there is very little he can’t achieve.

Sure enough, he pushes you further with every wet squelch of his fingers, and you quickly feel light-headed again. Mindlessly you rock into his hand, your moans sending shockwaves through Wooyoung’s body as he whines and jerks his hips again — but San slips his hand down from your head to Wooyoung’s waist, helping you to keep his boyfriend pinned.

“Careful, Woo. Don’t break our girl before we get to the fun part.”

“S-San, I don’t know if I can— hmgh, ah, fuck—”

Wooyoung twitches dangerously on your tongue and you are not much better off, a sharp heat swelling in your belly with every thrust of San’s fingers until you feel close to bursting, unsteady on your shaky knees.

San makes a noise of gentle disapproval when he realises how close you both are. “Tch. No, my pretty playthings, I can’t have you cum; not yet,” he purrs smoothly, the sweetness in his voice a cruel contrast to his next actions.

His fingers suddenly disappear from your cunt, right as he pulls your lips off Wooyoung’s cock. Freed from obstruction, your lungs pull in air with wheezy, choked up sobs — but your orgasm fades out of reach no matter how much you whine and twist against San’s hold, rubbing your slick thighs together in a poor attempt at finding friction.

But Wooyoung is even farther gone than you; his cock, glossy with saliva, leaks precum from the angrily flushed tip, his abdominal muscles twitching. Wooyoung whines with a pitiful cry, bucking his hips uselessly at the loss of your mouth. The veins in his forearms pop as his hands tremble in desperation, and he instinctively reaches for his cock to get himself off.

San reacts immediately, the flat of his hand connecting against Wooyoung’s outer thigh with a sharp, warning smack. Wooyoung sobs out a strangled wail at the impact, but he obediently withdraws his hands and is rewarded when San rubs soothingly over the reddened mark on Wooyoung’s thigh, easing him through the denial.

San uses his other hand to give you the same attentive care, reverence and desire in his touch as he squeezes at the plush love handle of your waist, sweet kisses on your shoulder. “There,” he murmurs when your and Wooyoung’s breathing has steadied, “now you’re ready. Let’s go have some real fun, hm?”

He does not even need to provide further instruction; as soon as San backs away to clean his fingers with a wet wipe, Wooyoung sluggishly turns onto his side and you sidle down next to him.

Wooyoung groans with a shuddery breath when his hard cock presses against your soft stomach, smearing you with spit and precum. He burrows his face into the crook of your shoulder, his lips hot on your skin while his arms wrap around you. Your body whines in need at the feel of him, and you return his embrace to bring him as close as possible.

Even just a clumsy brush against your clit is enough to send sparks through your body. It takes every ounce of willpower to stop yourself from grinding against Wooyoung until he’s trembling in your arms, until you find the release that San denied you.

Would it break Wooyoung if you went against San’s instructions? Would Wooyoung try to be good and not cum on your stomach, or would he join your rule-breaking and hump back against your thigh, heedless of the consequences? You think that you know the answer, but you sure are tempted to have it confirmed.

But before your curiosity grows beyond control, San returns.

He makes a pleased sound at the sight of you and Wooyoung already in position, clueless of the disobedient thoughts on your mind. “Look at you two,” he says fondly. “I’m so lucky with such a pretty pair of rope bunnies to play with. Won’t know where one of you begins and the other ends by the time I got you all tied up.”

The back of San’s fingers brush over your cheek in approval, dimples poking at his cheeks as he smiles down at you and Wooyoung; and like a fucking simp, you feel every trace of brattiness melt away at the touch. Nothing remains except a longing to be taken care of by San, to surrender yourself to the safety of his control.

(San may have a huge soft spot for you, but fuck if it isn’t mutual.)

San wastes no time to begin his ropework, starting with tying Wooyoung’s hands behind your back. No chest harnesses today, favouring simplicity for a speedier process. San’s dominant exterior softens a little as he works; he is more thorough than usual with his checks, mindful of the fact that you and Wooyoung are already worked up and antsy.

Wooyoung is definitely still affected by the denial, struggling to stop himself from wiggling around; but San does not reprimand except in the gentlest of ways, just enough to keep Wooyoung in line. Meanwhile, San treats you with murmured assurances and calming touches, already luring you into the edges of that fuzzy subspace; sharp arousal blunted by a pleasant hazy cloud that coats your thoughts.

Soon enough you and Wooyoung both have your arms incapacitated, trapped together into your embrace. San moves down to bind your legs, but pauses when he catches sight of Wooyoung’s cock still pressed against your stomach. His eyebrow raises in disapproval.

“What are you waiting for, Woo?” he asks sharply, pinching Wooyoung’s hip. “Thought you were excited to fuck our pretty girl, but I can always do this without you. You two aren’t my only playthings, I don’t need your cock to plug that wet cunt. There are plenty of other options if you’re not up to it.”

(True; San had asked you to bring a few of your favourite vibrators, just so he’ll have his pick from your own personal collection, if the mood strikes him.)

“No, no fuck, wanna fuck her, wanna fuck you so bad,” Wooyoung babbles, nuzzling deeper into your shoulder.

You moan at his desperation, rolling your hips in an attempt to guide Wooyoung inside you. But the angle is awkward and Wooyoung struggles without use of his hands, his cock uselessly sliding against your sodden folds without finding entrance.

“Oh Wooyoungie,” San croons as he watches Wooyoung’s pitiful attempt at filling your cunt. He runs a hand through Wooyoung’s hair in a cruel imitation of comfort. “You poor clumsy thing, need some help with that?”

San does not wait for an answer; instead he taps your thigh, signalling you to lift your leg to give some space. Wooyoung hisses when San firmly grabs him by the base, and finally his cock sinks into your wet heat, stretching pliantly around him. You sigh blissfully at the easy, snug fit of Wooyoung inside your cunt; San’s fingers prepped you well.

“There, that’s better isn’t it?” San pushes your hips forward to press flush against Wooyoung’s, just for good measure. “Now… can you be good for me a little longer?”

He gives a loving squeeze to your ass, then gently cups Wooyoung’s cheek to lift his face up from your shoulder.

This time, the comforting touch is genuine. San knows he is asking a lot; especially from Wooyoung.

You feel on a cloud already and just hum at San in confirmation, ready to descend deeper into this foggy frame of mind. Your thoughts are slowly melting into a sweet syrupy goo, swirling with nothing but pleasure.

But Wooyoung whines, rocking into you unevenly. His eyebrow piercing glints in the dim lamplight as he wiggles, a hypnotising shine. Wooyoung barely seems aware of his movements, a glaze drawn across his eyes, his jaw slack. You can’t help a giggle from bubbling up at his desperation; there is just something so adorable about how badly he needs to cum, and how ineffective his attempts are at getting there.

San, however, is less amused.

“Woo,” he says, sharply smacking his ass to snap him out of it. “Can you be good, or do we leave it here with the rope? Can’t tie you up any further if you can’t behave.”

It sounds like a scolding, but you have been with San and Wooyoung for long enough to know better than that. You can see the intent hidden underneath; San’s honest question of whether he can safely continue with the bondage or has to stop, asked in the only way Wooyoung can hear him right now.

“Hm, y-yeah,” Wooyoung slurs, his hips going still. The sharp sting has cut through his desperation, clearing a path for just enough lucidity to answer. “’M good. Want it… wanna get tied up together even more…”

“Good. Then let’s go on.” San moves his hand to squeeze your hip. “Still with us, baby?”

“Not going anywhere,” you sigh, the warmth of San’s palm infusing a soft glow into your skin.

Wooyoung grins at you with heavy lidded eyes. “You better not,” he mumbles, giving you a pointed look. “You promised to stick around, right?”

“Woo, don’t tell me you’re still worried about that,” you giggle, feeling floaty from the way his cock is filling you up, from San’s warm hand running over your thigh.

“Right now? Not even a little bit,” Wooyoung says, leaving a light bite on your shoulder that he quickly soothes with a light dart of his tongue. “You’re not exactly a flight risk like this.”

“You know what? Fair point,” you manage to breathe out as Wooyoung starts on sucking and nibbling at your bottom lip, while San pecks your and Wooyoung’s cheeks before he picks up a new piece of rope.

Wooyoung only breaks away from your lips to give San feedback on rope tension, or to let you to do so. His newfound composure hangs on by a bare thread, cock twitching in your sensitive cunt at even the lightest shift. You moan into his mouth, the threads of your own composure fraying with every brush of Wooyoung’s tongue.

Thankfully, San only needs a few more simple but effective ties. He binds each one of your legs to one of Wooyoung’s, using a few lines of cord to wrap snugly around your thighs, calves and ankles, all laid carefully to avoid pinching any knees.

By the time he’s done, you are pressed together so tightly that Wooyoung couldn’t slip out of your cunt if he tried.

“There,” San says, looking over his work with a pleased, slightly smug curve to his lips. “Now you can cum.”

Wooyoung’s mouth latches onto your shoulder before you can even fully process San’s permission. You whimper at the bite of his teeth, the rough bucks of his hips, but the ropes dig into your skin, denying you any satisfying range of motion. Wooyoung’s frantic thrusts do nothing but jostle the both of you in place, making you groan in frustration.

You cast a desperate glance at San, but he is content to simply watch his helpless subs in a sweaty, gyrating tangle of limbs while he palms himself through his sweats, flushed tip peaking up above his waistband. The corner of San’s lip twitches when he catches your eyes, but perhaps you overestimated his softness for you; San is utterly unswayed by the silent plea in your teary eyes, only stroking himself a little quicker as he enjoys the show.

“W-Woo, a little slo— Wait, I can’t— I can’t cum—” you whimper, but all restraint is lost to Wooyoung. He groans against your neck and tries to slow down, turn the roll of his hips into something more purposeful, but you can’t find friction, can’t find the right angle, no matter how much you shift and wriggle against him.

It feels good, being filled up by Wooyoung’s cock; but he can barely move, never hitting that toe-curling spot inside you, giving your clit little more than an awkward grind. Faint sparks prickle across your skin and through your cunt, only a weak echo of your earlier build towards orgasm. San had cruelly denied you release then, but now an ominous feeling sits in your stomach; that you and Wooyoung could lay here struggling for hours to no avail, never finding release no matter how you try.

Your head is still fuzzy with submission, but despair creeps into the sweet surrender to your restraints.

“Sannie…” you whine, pouting at how he continues to touch only himself. His sweats are pulled down low on his hips, allowing him to lazily fist the head of his cock, thumbing at the precum that oozes from the slit. “Please, San…”

It’s a pitiful attempt at appealing to San’s softer side and you both know it. He gives you a crooked grin, his hand coming to a slow stop. “What’s wrong, baby? Didn’t I say you’re allowed to cum now? Go for it.”

Wooyoung groans in shared frustration, panting hard into your shoulder, littered with his bites. Again you wiggle and try to find that angle, whining with the knowledge it’s no use.

“P-please, Sannie, need your help…”

San’s cocky facial expression shifts to fake sympathy, his lips set in a mocking pout. “Aw poor thing, Wooyoungie can’t get you off by himself?”

Wooyoung starts to grunt in protest, but you shake your head. “N-no but, hmm, I— I can’t get him off either.”

San’s eyes widen in surprise, the mocking sympathy knocked right off his face. (There is that soft spot.) “Shit, baby…” he murmurs, shifting in closer to run a soothing hand over your arm. His fingers leave a glistening trail of precum. “Not even thinking about yourself?”

“Wanna make him feel good too,” you whine and clench around Wooyoung’s cock, drawing a rough moan from him; but doubtlessly he is in the exact same predicament as you, unable to cum from just this.

“Hm, you know what I think?” San says, with an affectionate smile that crinkles his eyes. “Think that deserves a reward. Let me see if I can help where Wooyoung can’t.”

Wooyoung twists against the ropes, his breathing laboured. “H-hey,” he gasps, “what about me?”

“Hm? What about you, Woo?” San says, like he’s just making casual conversation. He kicks off his sweats and makes himself comfortable on the bed behind you, pressing a few kisses on the shiny trail he left on your arm. “You got that juicy cunt keeping you warm, don’t you? That not enough for you?”

“Hngh,” Wooyoung groans out, though you suspect he has a whole lot more to say. But instead he goes in for a rough kiss, tongue delving past your lips with a frustrated vigour, like he’s trying to use your mouth to keep his own shut.

San makes a soft noise of approval. “That’s better,” he says, patting Wooyoung’s thigh. “Appreciate what you’re given, hm?”

He slides his hand down, just barely fitting between your and Wooyoung’s squirming bodies. His palm runs over the junction of your thigh and hip, until his fingertips brush against your clit and press down. You keen at the added stimulation, body instinctively trying to convulse; but between San and Wooyoung, one pressed against your back, the other tied up in tight embrace, you can barely move an inch, completely pinned between them.

The angle is still awkward, but San rubs sparks into your clit all the same. Wooyoung groans as you clench around him, his roving mouth chasing after your every single gasp and whine. San keeps up his steady pace, grinding into your ass with low breaths. He slowly kisses his way up your neck, your jawline, then props himself up on his elbow and leans over to brush his lips against yours, introducing his own tongue to the sloppy tangle of you and Wooyoung.

Your head is spinning, lost in the heady, uncoordinated mess of hungry lips. You shudder at the glide of their tongues against yours, jaw slackening to grant them easier access, a mingle of your saliva and theirs spilling onto your chin.

Again, Wooyoung tries to rut into you — and it causes San’s fingers shift slightly, right into a spot that cuts sharply through the dizzying heat of their mouths. It happens fast, so fast you barely see it coming despite the long-build up, and suddenly your entire body stiffens up as your muscles pull taut, cumming on San’s fingers with a choked up cry.

San breaks away from the kiss, murmuring gentle praises as he roughly keeps at your clit, wresting every ounce of pleasure that he can from you. You clamp around Wooyoung’s cock, twitching with every aftershock, your slick smeared against his pelvis and San’s fingers. Wooyoung gasps for harsh breaths, his eyes squeezing shut when it becomes too much.

An unintelligible string of curses falls past his lips as his hips stutter and his hot seed spills inside you. You moan contently at the feeling, sagging in relief when San’s hand finally stills, letting you come down from your release.

San blinks at Wooyoung in surprise as he processes what just happened. “Woo, did you just—?”

For a split second, San’s face brightens up with genuine delight — but quickly the mask slips back into place. He chuckles in amused derision and pulls his hand away from your cunt, up to pat Wooyoung’s cheek with slicked-up fingers, spreading your mess on his face.

“Couldn’t even wait your turn, huh? That desperate for it.” San turns to you next, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. “Look at him, baby, that sweet pussy is just too much for him to handle. Such a perfect, well-behaved cocksleeve you are for us, and it’s wasted on that brat. What are we supposed to do now? His dick must be going soft and I haven’t even started to fuck you.”

San rolls his hips, pushing his hard cock against your ass.

“K-keep going,” Wooyoung rasps, his chest heaving with strenuous breaths. (He is softening inside you, but unable to pull out.) “I can— I can take it.”

His words are shaky but filled with resolve, and San looks him over with a pleased smile.

“Hm. What a well-behaved toy you suddenly are,” he hums. “The brat got what he wanted so now he’s willing to play along? Alright, then we’ll play.” San’s voice is sweet — yet you can’t shake the feeling there is a warning hidden underneath.

Wooyoung seems to sense it as well, wiggling against you. “Please, please San, I’ll behave,” he says in a low whine. “Ju— just couldn’t help it, felt so good, she’s so good…”

“I know, I know…” San soothes him, running his sticky fingers through Wooyoung’s hair. “Poor Wooyoungie, you just wanted to cum, right?” he says, his sympathy towards Wooyoung carrying the same edge of mockery as it had for you.

“Y-yeah,” Wooyoung sniffs, but there is a hesitation in his answer, like he’s trying to figure out if there’s a trap hidden inside the question.

San chuckles. “That’s what I thought,” he says, then turns to you again. “What do you say, baby? Can you relax that tight cunt and give him a break while I prep your pretty, plump ass?”

You nod, taking a few deep breaths — but relaxing is a challenge when San’s palm slides over the curve of your rear. He groans lowly at the feel of you, letting his fingers dig hard into the soft meat.

“Fuck, I don’t take advantage of this ass nearly enough,” San rasps, giving another roll of his hips. “Gotta take it slow but damn, it’s been a while… Don’t know if I can hold back once I’m fucking that tight hole…”

You moan weakly, trying to push back into him, but San lets out another groan and holds you in place.

“Can’t rush this, baby, gotta loosen you up for me first.” He nips at your ear, breath hot on your skin, then goes to reach for a small bottle of lube. “Don’t worry, gonna make you feel so good taking my cock, taking our cocks. Can’t believe it took us this long to do this, finally stuffing our sweet cockslut just the way she needs… Just wait a little longer, alright?”

“Want you, Sannie…” You tilt your head to glance back at him, and San can’t help a fond smile at the needy look in your eyes.

“Yeah, I know you do,” he says quietly, unable to fight back the dimples poking into his cheeks. The earnestness in his voice catches you off-guard. “But that’s not enough, is it? You want Wooyoungie too, greedy thing.”

Huh.

Despite having personally provided some evidence to the contrary, you are not an idiot; you understand fully well what San is getting at.

He is just tugging lightly the seams of your still ambiguous relationship, playfully testing its strength, baiting you to reassure Wooyoung. San probably thinks he’s being subtle about it too, hiding the bait in his dirty ramblings. It’d be fucking adorable if he hadn’t just spread your asscheeks, a lubed-up finger teasingly circling around the tight muscle of your rim.

You try not to get distracted by San’s actions and focus on his question instead. You look back at Wooyoung, his hair matted with sweat and a faint glimmer of tears in his eyes. His cock is still nested deep inside your cunt, sensitive and twitching.

“So much… Want you so much…” you sigh, closing the tiny space between you and Wooyoung to press your forehead against his. “Feels so good, filling me up so good…”

Wooyoung shudders at the praise with a tight groan, and his nose clumsily bumps into yours as he finds the angle for a kiss. It’s slower than before, sluggish in the aftermath of your orgasms, but still intense, especially when San pushes his finger inside and sets an unhurried pace.

You whimper into Wooyoung’s mouth, gasping for breath when he breaks away to put his mouth on your neck instead, languidly sucking the sweat off your feverish skin. “Shit, Wooyoung…” you whine at a graze of teeth, involuntarily clenching around him.

He’s getting hard again, his ridiculously fast recovery time never ceasing to amaze you, slowly rocking into you with the limited movement allowed to him. Meanwhile, San picks up his speed when he feels you relax, going pliant as he stretches you out.

“More?” he asks, lips brushing against your ear.

“Hm, yeah…” you mumble, surprised San even bothered to ask — and even more surprised when his finger slips out. “Wha—?”

You turn your head back to look at him, and blink when San holds up one of your vibrators; long, sleek and tapered at the base, with a nice range of intensity settings. Slim, but definitely thicker than just one of San’s fingers.

“You— you’re not gonna?” You frown at San; not opposed but… confused. The drawn-out, slowly building intensity of the scene is definitely getting to you. It’s like you’re wading through a thick fog, only a few strings of nebulous thoughts crystallising into words. It’s a great toy, one that has done you great service in the past, but… But what about his cock?

The thought slips out of your mouth before it can consult your brain on the matter. Immediately, San bursts out in a short laugh, and even Wooyoung’s shoulders shake, his giggled cackle muffled by your neck.

“That’s my eager little cockslut right there,” San grins. “Knows exactly what she wants. Don’t worry, baby, we’ll get there soon. Just want to ease you into it, remember?”

‘Ease’?

A faint flash of scepticism briefly crosses your cloudy mind; a vague nagging there might be some inherent contradiction between ‘ease’ and ‘vibrator’ — and San seems to be in a bit of a mood today. But the thought fails to catch hold, and you nod your assent.

Pleased, San lightly kisses your cheek, and you wiggle impatiently at the squelch of more lube. All this business about your toy is getting Wooyoung is impatient too, restless from what he clearly perceives as an unnecessary delay. He expresses his discontent with bitey kisses, tugging your bottom lip between his teeth.

Wooyoung sucks in a sharp breath when you squeeze around him, an involuntary response to San carefully pushing the vibrator into your hole, still turned off for now. You hiss at the increased stretch, but San starts off with a few shallow thrusts, easing you into it just like he promised. Gradually he takes the vibrator further, until he finally pushes it in completely and leaves it there, nested deep inside you.

Wooyoung suddenly goes very quiet, freezing into the kiss. “San…” he breaths shallowy; is it a plea? A warning? You can’t tell at all, sunk too deeply into your daze to read his tone.

But San is wilfully deaf to whatever Wooyoung is trying to communicate, keeping his focus on you instead. “Gonna turn it on now, alright baby?”

The toy whirrs to life, a pleasant hum against your tense muscles — and only separated from Wooyoung’s sensitive, half-hard cock by the thin barrier of your inner walls.

Wooyoung reacts at once, jerking violently against the ropes as the vibrations send brutal jolts of pleasure through his body. He lets out a strangled cry that borders on anguished, fresh tears springing in his eyes. Jostled by his writhing, you moan as your clit drags against his cock.

“S-San—” Wooyoung tries again, desperately. “Fuck, I— I don’t—”

From the corner of your eyes, you can just barely see how San’s lips curve into an aloof smile. “What’s wrong, Wooyoungie? You said you wanted to cum, didn’t you?”

Wooyoung groans, eyes rolling into the back of his head. He grinds out a swear through gritted teeth, his hips bucking uselessly against the ropes, giving him no escape.

San slowly tilts his head, raising an eyebrow. “Changed your mind? You can stop this any time, remember.”

“Ngh, ah, I—” Wooyoung hisses tightly, and his eyes snap up to meet San’s. A volatile heat burns behind them, a thick tear trickling down his flushed skin. He looks a mess, but still Wooyoung stubbornly shakes his head, like it’s below his pride to cave in now. “T-told you before, right? Keep going.”

San holds his gaze for a long moment, but then he nods; trusting Wooyoung’s judgement.

“Fuck,” San swears lowly. “Could put you through anything and you’d just take it for me, wouldn’t you, Woo? Just wanna cum over and over again, what’s it gonna take to wear out a greedy slut like you?”

He takes the vibrator up a notch and the increased intensity hits you hard, your body trying to bow in on itself as you gasp and tremble, a sharpness coiling between your thighs. You’re clenching down on Wooyoung hard, and you whimper when San suddenly licks a broad stripe up your neck, wet tongue dragging heavily against your skin.

“Gonna need you to help me to ruin this one here, baby,” San murmurs, his voice gravelly. “Think you can do that?”

You shudder as his tongue flickers against your ear; but looking at Wooyoung, it honestly doesn’t seem like San needs your help. Wooyoung looks plenty ruined already; his eyes squeezed shut, face contorted in agonising pleasure. More tears escape his lashes, trailing down his temple into the sheets. Still… it’s a request you’d hardly refuse.

“Y-yeah, yeah I can help,” you say, hoping it’s true. You’re pretty far gone yourself; pressure is building rapidly from the toy’s persistent buzzing. The base of Wooyoung’s cock presses against your clit, indirect vibrations pulsing through the swollen nub. Even if Wooyoung does not cum soon, you will.

“That’s my girl,” San hums, and leans over again to capture you in a short, searing kiss. You moan in surprise, your sluggish body too slow to respond before his lips are gone again. “Then… how about you suck some pretty bruises into that pretty neck for me? Remind him he belongs to us.”

“‘Us’?”

You blink, your mind as sluggish as your body. Sunken too deep into a submissive state to process the concept of someone belonging to you.

“He is our Wooyoungie, isn’t he?” San says, smiling down at you. “Just like you’re our sweet girl.”

“A-and you?”

For a moment, San goes quiet. He nods slowly, eyes intent as he looks from you to Wooyoung.

“Yeah,” he says softly, “I’m your Sannie.”

The moment is so gentle, you would almost forget that San has the two of you tied up in rope, subjecting you to the vibrator with no escape.

San’s soft gaze lingers a little longer, until he seems to remember the truth of the situation himself and snaps out of it with an abashed chuckle. He recovers with a quick wink, his smile gaining a toothy edge. “Now, take care of Wooyoung for me, will you?”

Wooyoung’s breath gets even more pitchy, his eyes fluttering open. They shimmer with tears, pleading at you. “Please…”

Shakily, you let your head fall forward into the crook of Wooyoung’s neck, wired so tight that you can do little more than press open-mouthed kisses on his skin, tasting the thin sheen of sweat gathered there. He whimpers, shuddering under your mouth, and slowly you relax into him, lapping at him with growing enthusiasm as you get used to the vibration’s intensity.

San flicks the toy to a higher level.

“Fuck—!”

Wooyoung snaps, his back arching sharply. Your body bows forward with him, teeth sinking into his shoulder as you spasm around his cock. With calm, amused interest, San watches the outcome of his actions, how you and Wooyoung twist and convulse, ropes digging into your skin as you squirm.

He chuckles at the ruined mess before him, and decides to just leave the vibrator buried inside you to free up his hand. San roughly grabs at your ass, plying your neck with kisses. You’re panting, sweat beading on your forehead as hazy overstimulation takes control, burning through your nerve endings and fogging up your mind.

Wooyoung’s cock is hard and throbbing in your twitching cunt, his moans high and whiny right by your ear. You can feel yourself melting away into his desperation, like you are nothing but a conduit for San to mercilessly drive Wooyoung to the edge again. San keeps you grounded but only barely, his lips sweet against your shoulder while he kneads harshly at your asscheek, like he means for his fingers to leave a permanent indentation into the thick meat.

The vibrations turn up again.

Your orgasm hits you before you even realise what is happening, tearing through you like lightning. Heat pulses through your abdomen and static fills your ears. You barely even register Wooyoung’s pathetic mewl as he cums, or how some of his seed trickles past his trapped cock, mingling with the fresh gush of arousal from your fluttering cunt.

San turns the vibrator off when Wooyoung lets out a broken sob, and his trembling body sags against yours with a loud groan as the buzzing finally stops. You draw breath in sharp gasps, still coming down from the aftershocks while San runs a soothing hand over your arm and asks how you’re feeling. You moan tiredly, turning your head to try and find him in a kiss. He indulges, briefly but sweet.

“Such a good girl, fucking amazing. Doing so well for me,” San murmurs against your lips, a strain to his voice. Then his eyes flicker to Wooyoung, and San gently cradles his head to lift him up from your shoulder. “Woo, are you alright?”

Wooyoung groans, limply going along with San’s hold on him. “Give— give me a minute,” he says hoarsely. “Just… give me a minute. I—”

San gently shushes Wooyoung, bringing him in for a kiss. “Fuck, you really just take it all, no matter what I put you through, don’t you?” San says, but there is not a trace of derision this time, only full-blown awe and adoration. “Relax, Woo, there’s no rush.”

Wooyoung sighs at the reprieve, then glances at you with a fatigued grin.

“He sure takes it real damn serious when we ask him to push us, huh? What a fiend.” Wooyoung’s tone leaves no mistake it’s intended as the highest of praise.

“That’s our Sannie, alright,” you giggle, and peck the tip of San’s nose. “Personal demon at our beck-and-call.”

An adorable rose blush dusts across San’s cheekbones. “Okay, that’s enough out of you two,” he admonishes almost bashfully, leaning over you to kiss Wooyoung again.

As San shifts, you can feel his hard cock against the small of your back, the tip smearing precum on your skin. San might’ve said there is no rush — but his dick clearly has a different opinion on the matter. Still, he does not hurry anything, lazily kissing Wooyoung until he switches back to you. He stays like that for a while, caressing one with soothing touches while he kisses the other.

It does not take long before you start to fidget again; impatience roused by the combination of San’s gentle stimulation while the toy and Wooyoung’s dick are still inside you. Your hips start to move in time with San’s fingers brushing across your thigh, unable to suppress your body’s urges like he is.

Wooyoung moans at your slight rocking, responding in kind. You can only image how sore he is, but his dick still twitches back to life.

“Oh? Everyone’s ready to go again?” San asks with a fond chuckle, and he reaches for the lube again when you and Wooyoung confirm with an emphatic yes.

You hiss as San slides out the vibrator, trying not to stiffen up at the prospect of finally having his cock fill your tight hole. It won’t be your first time taking San like this — but it is your first time while Wooyoung is already stuffed in your cunt.

San notices the way you tense, giving you a few passes with two freshly lubed-up fingers first. “Relax, baby, relax,” he murmurs. “You trust me?”

“Y-yeah, yeah I do.” Your voice is shaky, but resolved. You want this too much to back out now, eager to have your fantasy fulfilled at last. So you take deep breaths, tension seeping out of your body with every exhale.

You whine when San’s fingers disappear, replaced by his slick cockhead pressed against your rim. For a moment he just waits there, his hand resting on your ass and uneven breaths falling on your neck — just long enough to make you shudder in anticipation, until San pushes forward with a shallow thrust, breaching your walls.

Instantly the stretch threatens to overwhelm you, your nails digging into Wooyoung’s back as you let out a strangled whimper. “Sh-shit, San—” you gasp as he gradually presses deeper. “It’s— hmgh, ah— So tight—”

San slowly rocks into you, his lips catching a lone tear on your cheek. You can’t remember it falling. “Stay with me, baby, you can do this” he soothes, squeezing firmly at your ass when you whine in response. “You can do this. Who knows your body best, hm? Who knows what you can take?”

“Y-you do,” you pant. “It’s you, Sannie.”

“That’s right,” San says, his voice raspy but warm, “and I know you can take me, baby. A pretty cocksleeve like you can handle the both of us just fine.”

“Fuck, San,” Wooyoung groans, his head falling back. “I can fucking feel you, feels so good…”

“Getting hard again already, Woo?” He chuckles when Wooyoung whines in confirmation. “Then help our good girl out, alright? Distract her for me until that tight hole is ready to get fucked fast and hard by my cock, just how she deserves.”

Wooyoung nods eagerly and leans in to kiss you, but you shake your head. Just a simple kiss won’t be enough to distract you, not with your body straining to accommodate San’s thick length as well. “N-no,” you moan, tongue-tied from the overwhelming pressure in your lower abdomen. “No, n-need you to bite me, please.”

He sucks in a sharp breath, eyes gleaming darkly. “Fuck, baby, since you asked so nicely…”

Without hesitation, Wooyoung bites down on the top of your shoulder, getting a solid mouthful of muscle. He suckles and gnaws at the skin, surprisingly gentle at first, but he slowly clamps down as you whine at the sharp pressure. Pain blooms beautifully under his teeth, perfectly masking the discomfort elsewhere by demanding your full attention.

Wooyoung groans as your cunt reflexively tightens around him, his jaw twitching. He stays on you for a while, but then breaks away with a whine, leaving an indentation that you just know is going to bruise like a fucker.

You don’t know if the release is a relief or a loss, but it got the job done; the slide of San’s cock has gotten much easier without you even realising. The feel of them both still borders on overwhelming, but it feels good, so good, stuffed so full that it’s like your mind is getting pushed out of your body, drifting hazily between them. Wooyoung laps sweetly at your shoulder and San joins him, angling his head so their lips can meet against your marred skin.

San’s self-control is fraying at the edges, the smooth roll of his hips becoming rougher by the second. You let your head fall back against his chest, moaning in encouragement.

“Please, San, please,” you whimper, unable to keep still. Awkwardly you rut against him and Wooyoung, using every inch of your limited movement to try and fuck yourself on their cocks.

Wooyoung shudders with a loud moan, twisting against the rope to match your rhythm. He is unravelling quickly, while San holds himself together just long enough to give himself a fresh coat of lube. He ignores the combined protests of you and Wooyoung when he pulls out almost completely — protests that are silenced when he slams back in.

The hard snap of San’s hips jostles you forward, almost knocking your chin into Wooyoung’s. San buries himself with a low groan, and sets a punishing pace as he humps against your ass. His energy is frenetic, agitated, like he’s the one now frustrated by how tightly bound you and Wooyoung are, the position limiting the force of his thrusts.

You manage to turn your head just enough to see the wild look in his eyes, teeth gritted and sweat on his brow. Both of his hands grab at your ass now, spreading your cheeks and pushing at you like he wants to push you on top of Wooyoung, his mind gone haywire from the mindless need to fuck into you at full strength.

Wooyoung is fully gone at this point, whiny “ah”s falling past his lips; drunk on how he can feel the outline of San’s dick against his own, through your throbbing walls. He doesn’t even try to move anymore, at the mercy of San’s ruthless pace. Arousal leaks freely from your wet heat, so slippery around Wooyoung’s cock that you’re sure San would be pushing him out your soaked cunt if the ropes didn’t keep you forced together.

The pressure against your g-spot is immense, and you’re so wound so tight that a flare shoots through your spin with every awkward brush of Wooyoung’s cock against your clit.

It’s all too much, the decadent onslaught of sensations that comes with taking San and Wooyoung at once, something coiling deep inside your stomach. You try to warn them, but only a silent, choked up sob escapes your throat when you topple over, writhing wantonly between their heated, sweaty bodies as you cum with sharp jolts, clear fluid spewing from your fluttering cunt as you squirt on Wooyoung’s sore cock.

Wooyoung mewls and spasms as your cunt constricts around him, but somehow it’s not enough to push him over the edge — or perhaps it is too much, too overstimulated to find release. “Oh fuck, fuck,” he babbles, cursing under his breath as San fucks you through your orgasm, wresting as many pulsing aftershocks from your spent body as he can.

“There you go, good girl,” San rasps in your ear. “Give it all to us, every fucking drop.”

He tries to be gentler as your orgasm subsides, knowing you and Wooyoung must be at your limits, but his self-control hangs on by a frail tether. He grinds against your ass, murmuring sweet praises and even sweeter whines as he chases release. San noses at the column of your neck, and you surprise him with a sloppy kiss, sucking at his tongue until finally he gasps and shudders, spilling deep inside you. A few more thrusts, then he stills with a low groan.

San breaths hard, giving himself a moment to come down before he pulls out, his seed leaking out of your stretched hole. He makes a faint noise of disapproval, gently rubbing a finger around your rim and pushing his cum back inside you, almost absent-mindedly.

You moan weakly, the finger helping you to adjust to the absence of San’s cock, but Wooyoung is still hard inside you.

Wooyoung whimpers quietly, drawing hitched, snivelling breaths. “S-Sannie…” he begs, pushed to the very edges of what he can take. “Please, I gotta… gotta…”

San’s eyes widen with a start. “Shit, Woo, you didn’t—? Fuck.”

Immediately San comes into motion, his finger leaving your sensitive hole. He expertly loosens up the ropes that bind your thighs together, letting the tension fall away and allowing Wooyoung to slip out, cum now also dribbling from your sopping cunt.

With utmost care, San gently palms at Wooyoung’s aching cock, carefully jerking him off. “There, that’s better isn’t it?” San says, the words wrapped in tenderness. “You can cum now, Wooyoungie, fuck, you deserve it after all that. You can let go now.”

You watch, enraptured by the slow shift from agony to bliss on Wooyoung’s face. He bites his lip, cheeks shiny with tears and sweat as San brings him to one last high, trembling with every pass of San’s hand until he spills on San’s fingers and your stomach, nothing but translucent fluids at this point.

From there on out, San engulfs you and Wooyoung in the softest of aftercare.

He undoes the ropes with his usual practised swiftness, then thoroughly checks your bodies for abrasions. There are a few spots of light rope burn; nothing severe, but San still smears a soothing salve over any patches of even slightly chafed skin. There are some drinks and snacks at the ready, and you are just sipping on some water when San takes a washcloth to the crusted remains of cum on your thighs — but you ask him to leave it for a little longer, and relish the faint blush that blooms across his cheeks at the request.

“Dirty,” Wooyoung grins at you, and neither of you miss the way San has to take a grounding breath.

“Yeah,” you grin back at him. “Maybe we could take a shower later, get all of that taken care of,” you say, nudging your head meaningfully towards San. “…Once my legs don’t feel like rubber anymore.”

San’s cheeks burn even hotter, and he shoots you and Wooyoung a vaguely cautious look — but he has no reason to be wary, not tonight.

Once everyone is steady enough on their feet, the three of you somehow manage to (not quite) fit behind the shower curtain. It’s not an easy feat to get clean in the crowded space, but it is easy for you and Wooyoung to tiredly lavish San with some well-earned attention. Sluggish hands run across the soap-sudded expanse of his soft skin and firm muscles, languidly jerking him off as he whines and sighs between you.

Safe to say, everyone is fully satisfied by the time that the three of you are settled on the couch in San’s living room.

Wooyoung has wiggled himself in the middle, so you’ve curled up against him. You’re still pretty damn sore; maybe you pushed it too much with the shower, but damn if it isn’t worth the tired, pleased smile on San’s face. He has an arm slung around Wooyoung, his hand resting on your shoulder, carefully avoiding the indentations that Wooyoung’s teeth left on your skin.

You’re bundled up in comfy clothes and a cosy blanket, with leftover pizza in front of you and some old Pucca cartoon playing on the TV. Nobody is really watching, just background noise while you chat quietly, re-balancing your emotional equilibrium after what easily is one of the more intense scenes you’ve done with San and Wooyoung.

“Still can’t believe I forgot to take a picture,” San pouts, shaking his head in disbelief. “You looked so hot tied up together like that.”

“We could just do it again, you know,” Wooyoung says. He stretches out his arms with a big yawn, then resettles by lying down across you and San, his head in your lap as he grins up at San. “And then you could fuck me next time around.”

The thought mulls slowly in your exhausted head, but it does ping a definite interest. To watch and feel how San rails a helpless Wooyoung into oblivion, fucking Wooyoung’s cock into you with every thrust? Yeah. Yeah, you’re pretty on board with that idea.

“I could be persuaded,” you say coyly, playing with the damp strands of Wooyoung’s hair. “Just give me like, I don’t know, a month to recuperate first.”

San chuckles self-consciously, but there’s a little gleam in his eyes that tells you he’s pretty damn pleased with himself too.

“Sure, we can let you take it easy for a while,” San teases, but then he sighs, a wistful look in his eyes. “Just too bad I can’t fuck you both at once. Only thing that could’ve made tonight even better.”

“I mean, I feel like there’s options for that,” Wooyoung says, tapping his bottom lip. “Take turns or something, and there’s plenty of toys to play with.”

“Yeah, maybe we can get San one of those clone-a-willy kits,” you suggest casually.

“Clone a what now??” San chokes on a cough, his eyes widened in shock as his face goes bright red again.

“Good thinking! We can add a fourth to the mix, strap San’s dick-clone on them, problem solved.”

“You’re a problem,” San says, pouting at you and Wooyoung. “You guys are missing the point, then it wouldn’t be me—”

“Okay, so we find a Choi San lookalike to impersonate you,” you shrug. “Problem solved now?”

San groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Seriously? Can someone please remind me why I put up with you two?”

You giggle at his exasperation. “Because you’re our Sannie, remember? You promised me.” You do reach up to gently squeeze his wrist, his warm hand still resting on your shoulder.

“Yeah, I am,” San says with a long-suffering sigh. “Guess I’m stuck with you.”

But his actions belie his words as he rubs your shoulder affectionately and pulls Wooyoung closer into his lap. Wooyoung winks up at you, and you grin back, shuffling a little closer so you can lean against San.

The three of you recover from the scene in the emotional safety of each others’ company, finding yourselves bound together all the more closely for it; even after the ropes have come off.

#whiway

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ilygsd · 6 years ago

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odfidk: 140818 - 2

im suicidal and i low key want everyone to unfollow and block so i can write my psycho rants in peace i honestly think i got bpd or smth. ive also checked ptsd multiple times but i dont remember my trauma and i dont have any dreams abt it since in fkn adopted. my whole life had been a trauma.

im so fucking tired of my dad. i dont think ive gotten a single fucking apology in my whole life from him.

when we were younger my little sister got scared and never dared to tell him when she broke or lost something cus he always made her cry. he always got soooo angry but always pretended he wasnt angry at us, but he obviously was. i used to cry too but instead i got angry because i’ve always been the problematic kid so i always started to scream at him instead. i still do cus im still problematic

one time when i was 16 i was on my way to the first party at my upper high school. i was looking forward to it so much because i suffered through junior high because of all the white rich racist snobs. i was happy bc i had finally been able to make some friends and after my parents divorce, friends were the only place i felt sade. but then dad suddenly calls me and starts to yell at me, accusing me of stealing his money (aka $2). ive never felt so betrayed and humiliated. my own dad didnt believe me. ”well your sister said she didnt, so it must be one of you two”.

turns out it was my sister and she was too afraid to say something so my ugly fucking dad decided to ruin my whole fucking night and i embarrassed myself because i cried in public because i was so frustrated of not being believed. she admitted to mom. i never got an apology from any of them but i didnt say anything because i knew my sister was too scared. she never blamed it on me, she just said she didnt do and. and dad did the rest

one time a classmate of mine told me about her abusive dad and how he used to grab her by the neck when she did something ”wrong” and chase after her, maybe even hitting her. our dad never got physical with us but this is obviously emotional abuse. yesterday was the night i finally admitted it to myself. our dad is abusive and he’s one the reasons im so abusive myself. ive known for long, but i love him and i tried for so long. i kept fighting him cus i wanted to believe he was able to change but he’s not. he doesnt even understand. i hate him for that, i hate him for making me the monster i am today.

his first instinct is always to accuse. like yesterday evening for example where he helps me with my phone (he’s not the most technical one). something he thinks will work doesn’t work but an ”error” pops up and he immediately mutters ”what have you done now...” i get furious because i’m tired of all these microaggressions and he agitated me earlier this evening with his ignorance and refusal to change aka ”there will always be injustice and classism, why dont you become a poltician instead”. i tell him to apologize and he guilt trips me, accusing me of being sensitive, always mistunderstanding his words and now he’s ”not going to talk to me anymore” ”since he cant say anything”. i get even more angry and he tells me to shut up. it sounds harsher in swedish, so i’d probably translate it to ”shut the fuck up” instead. i walk away, obviously done with his bullshit

emotional abuse. i could never tell him that though. i mean i could and i’ fucking did but his dumb ass never listens. not even after mom divorced him he listens. he never does. hes so ruined that he always blames it on everyone else for being sensitive. he thinks hes kind and understanding when he says ”im sorry YOU FEEL that way” because he doesnt understand its not ME or MY feelings. its me, my mom, and my sister. its a fucking fact that hes emotionally abusive, its not something we just FEEL. but theres no idea arguing with him because he will only get angry. as usual.

its gotten better through the years. not because he has learnt anything, but because we are older, not little children anymore. he’s never like this with adults. mom said it was different techniques on her, because she’s an adult and was his wife. he would probably get sad reading all of this but he wouldnt show it and i wouldnt care because he wouldnt apologize and he wouldnt understand. thats his weakness and that will be his doom.

nothing ever changes in this family. my dad keeps being an emotional abuser while im the only one saying something. my older brothers left me and my little sister during our parentes divorvve. my little sister is always the quiet one while im always the annoying aggressive one. im always on my own fighting. but i never get any appreciation. no one asks me how i am feeling. my sister never asks me, never hugs me. i know she loves me and i hope shes thankful for always standing up against our dad, always protecting her ever since we were kids. i know she doesnt like my ways all the time, that she dislikes when im fighting and yelling but at least i do something. the only one listening is mom but we fight too sometimes. i just wish i wasnt so lonely. me and my closest to age brother could maybe talk, could maybe be closer if he didnt betray us, betray ME like that. ffs he was 21 when they divirced. a grown ass man. i was 11, i was going through another abandonment. i lost everything. the money, my parents, my family. everything i was proud of and thought was safe. we could maybe talk if he wasnt so uncomfortable and unserious. i know he talks to mom and i know mom, me and him are the only one thinking in this god damn family. but he left me. i wish my sister could give me some love. i know she cares but she never shows me. i love her the most in our family. we’re the only chinese adoptees and i feel like i need to protect her. i try not to cry in front of her but i just wish she could give me something. i know theres nothing i can do about it. i tried to pressure her when we were younger but she only withdrew even more. i was always the one trying. im always the one trying, speaking up. im always painted as the problematic unstable one but i’ve gone through the most shit in this family. i came as a crying and screaming baby. i was afraid of everything, always crying. and thats what i’ve always been. always the crying one, the one who cant control her feelings. always the lazy one because ive been to scared to try things. no one appreciates me. im not perfect and i hate myself for it. im paranoid and i have abusive tendencies. i got major abandonment issues and i used to text people a lot. i dont do that anymore. i never answer anymore because no one cares and im too scared of making new friends.

i know im not perfect but i also know my bf would miss me if i stopped texting him. i know my sister will miss me when i move away. she will never stand up against dad and a part of me wants to stay protecting her but im tired. i dont get anything. never a thank you. never a nod. i dont know how she feels. i only from what mom tells me. she never joins me or helps me. only when its herself. ONLY when its about her. she never takes my side. i never blamed her for it. i always blamed dad. i hated my vrothers for leaving me, but not her because shes my baby sister. but im tired. im exhausted and i never get anything. my family abandoned me so i invested in friends instead. they could be my third family. but they abandoned me too. my issues got in the way and they abandoned me. at the same time i went through an abortion at age 17. my mom abandoned me because of her own mental illbess and my boyfriend abandoned me because of his cowardness. at the same time i had the biggest indentity crises and i started to miss my own mom, my actual mom, like crazy. no one was there for me. maybe my adoptive mom tried her hardest but she’s white, she suffered from PTSD for 7 years herself, she wasnt like dad, but she wasnt enough. no ones enough. no one can save me. no one can save me. not even my beautiful boyfriend who loves me so much and who i’ve been a total fkn abuser to. no one can save me. my mom got surprised when we watched a documwntary about killers and i said i think like that. i feel like that. i feel like that could be me. she said ”not could you have killed anyone” but ive wanted to. ive dreamt about it. ive wanted to kill everyone on this earth. ive wanted to kill myself and everyone i hold dear. and when people say ”those abusers and nasty murderers deserve no love. they’re lost” i feel like murderering them extra slow. no one ever loved me. i was never loved. i came here only to serve as a child to a middle class white western couple. no one cares about my mother. no one cares about me. my trauma was only me being difficult and me being difficumt was only bc of what happened in china, never bc of what they did. white people are never weong. the damage adoptees go through is only BEFORE the adoption. never after. white people are perfect. so perfect people want more to adopt us. cus we’re only dolls to you. we’re just children you can send back and forth. no one cared that i was all alone my 2 first years. that i was shipped back and forth like a toy. no one cared about me when they placed me in sweden, the whitest country next to our neighbors, denmark, norwat and finland. no one cared about me when they placed me in a family that would divorce. where the mom would get ptsd for 7 year, not work and no money. dad is emotionally abusive and emotionelly inaccessible. no one cared about me when i missed my mom. when i started to read about racism and sexism and colonialism and classism. no ones ever cared about me and im tired. no one can save me. ive been fighting my whole life. ive been fighting for basic things like love and safety. im never loved. im never safe. im always fighting, always chasing something i’ll never get

i remember when this was everday. when i felt like this everydsy and thought i would die everyday. the only one by my side my boyfriend who i am incapable givning the love and appreciation he deserves. i dont want this to come back. tomorrow i’ll be fine. tomorrow everything will be forgotten. my dad will never ever applogoze for anything. my sister will never ever give me any kind of love. everything will be normal tomorrow but nothing will be solved. im cursed. im cursed. im cursed. im cursed. im doomed. i will never escape these thoughts and feelings. im doomed to suffer. no matter what i do, no matter how much i try its always weong. no one cares. im so lonely. i miss my mom. i wish i was aborted or that i could stat with her. even if i was unhapoy with her she’s at least be my real mom. at least i’d commit suicidw like a normal person. i dont feel like a normal person. i feel like a demon. i feel like a monster.

im very very suicidal right now. i always feel like i have to threaten with suicide but i know no one would care. and that sucks. ive thought about faking my death but my dad is so abusive he’d just get mad at me. so i just couldnt help myself cus i had a big ass anxiety attack so i straight up told him he he wouldnt care if i died. he didnt. he shut the balcony door. so i panicked even more and screamed when i commit suicide he will regret himself, he will regtet. when i commit suicide it will be his fault. no reaction. he was embarrassed. he said ”i dont want the neighbors to hear when youre so sad and angry” so i literally throw a pillow over the tanke and break something and i automatically get scared and then to my room to call mom and i scream so much. i feel like im dying.

i guess i feel better now or whatever cus i was able to talk to my mom but wow our dad is really fucked up. i hate that i cant get people to live me in a healthy why though. i always have to do smth dramatic like killing them or treathening with suicide. but the very fact that i had to go that far for my dad to come and give me a weak hug and after another 5 minutes arguing say ”sorry” cus he just ekot saying ”i usually apologize” and ”i already said that was dumb of me” but literally cant say s-o-r-r-y makes me SO ANGRY. i shouldnt have to commit suicide for my family to care

after everything ive done for my sister and show never gives me any love. after everything ive been through. im standing up against our dad for her too. ive always done. because ove always been the angry kid. always always, and she’s always been te quiet kid. ive done so much for her, ive protected her so much because i know she’s scared of him. i know she’s scared of me too. but she never asks me how im feeling. she never says she loves me or qppreciates me. no one does. she can tell our mom she appreciates that i stand up but never tell me. and NEVER side with me against dad. im always aloen and im so weak and tired. im only doing this because i already have the label as an angry kid.

i was angry when i was adopted. i was screaming all the time. i was angry and anxious because ive been abandoned multiple times’ and had to deal with these white foreigners i didnt understand. and my mom left me for dad to take care of. she felt like a bad parent and let dad raise me like the unstable psychopath i am today. he always seemed to blame me. theres a reason i feel like the angry annoying kid and that i have no self esteem. it must be from him. probably my whole family, but mainly from him. i was angry when i was adopted, i was angry when my orents divirced, i was angry when i reqlized what a horrible colonial practice international transracial adoption is. all for both me and my sister. because i love her the most in this fucked up family. cus we’re the only chinese adoptees

i hate that i want to revenge through suicide. i hate that im so unhealthy and that i had to go through all of this. i hate all those fucking ”good ppl will not let themselves get broken, they will be kind” fuck you ive been fighting my whole fucking life. these are the quotes that triggers me enogh to kill somebody. ”youre just as bad as your emotionellt abusive dad, as the white pol, the rich, the men who exploited you and separates you from your mother and left you with mental illness and issues that make you uncapable of being loved”

the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of one day going back to china. the only thing keeping me aliev is the thought of being able to avtually help people with my story or knowlege. to help other adoptees or fight for chinese womens rights or smth. thats the only thing. if my life turns out like nothing i’ve been suffering in vain. no one ever needed me. no one ever wanted me. ive always been the only one needing them. the only way for me to heal would be to help others so i can forgive myself. i hate my dad for fuxking me up even more than necessary. i was boound to get these issues sooner or later but the manipulation and absue he gave me will i always hate him for. why did i turn out like this but not my sister? why didnt my sister become a monster like this? and what hurts the most is that i was once proud of my family and my dad. i love him and he took care of me the most. the reason he gave me these fkn issues

#diary #odfidk

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