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wintersoldiersoul · 1 year ago

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Hi.

Saw you are taking requests.

I got shingles the weekend close to my birthday, i confuse it with allergy because i am allergic to basically anything and then on my 24th birthday i got that it was actually shingles, doctor told me that my immune system went down and that is why i got it. Before that i was under so much stress because of work that i developed burn out and had to quit my job (literally spent months, weeks of my life visiting the emergency ward because i kept getting sick due to stress and burn out) probably that Triggered the shingles.

Could you write something with Bucky in which the reader suffers similar sh**? I just need comfort from my fave character 😭

If you dont feel comfortable is fine, i understand 😁

KUDOS!

I'm so sorry you went through that! I hope you are much better now. I tried to make this as medically accurate as possible (I texted my friend in med school LOL) but I am definitely not a doctor so if some stuff isn't accurate, just pretend it is.

You threw your hair up into a ponytail to get it out of your face. Hours slumped over at your desk weren't doing any favors. You grabbed the energy drink and chugged it to prevent your eyes from closing. You were almost done with this assignment. Just a little bit longer, you told yourself.

Working full time and being a grad student was taking a toll on you. You spent every day from 9-5 in your office and every night from 6-10 in classes. You crammed homework in anywhere you could, which often meant staying up most of the night. It was approaching 4am, now.

The office door creaked open and Bucky strolled in, sleep still filling his eyes. “Baby,” he sighed. “Come to bed.” He had woken up and the bed was cold without you beside him. He walked over to you, kissing your forehead.

“Can’t,” you mumbled without looking up from your computer.

“You gotta get some sleep, darlin’.”

You sneezed, still typing away. “I’m fi-” your words were interrupted by another sneeze.

Bucky stood, looking at you with a stern expression. “Well look at that. You’re getting sick.”

You waved your hand. “No, I’m not. It’s just allergies,” you said, sniffling. “You know this time of year is bad.” The past few months, you had been sick on and off multiple times. A cold, a small fever, you were sick more than you weren’t.

“Honey, please just get some sleep. You haven’t slept in days.” He was practically begging. He knew how much stress you were under and getting no sleep wasn’t going to help. He was extremely worried about you.

“Just give me 10 more minutes, okay?” You compromised.

“Fine. But I’m sitting right here and setting a timer. The second it goes off, I’m carrying you to bed.”

He did exactly that, throwing you over his shoulder when you didn’t get up immediately at the ring of his phone. Despite the intense amounts of caffeine you had consumed, you fell asleep the second your head hit the pillow.

Bucky woke up before you the next morning, smiling at your sleeping form. Your hair was sprawled over your face and he gently pushed it away to kiss your cheek. But as soon as he moved the strands, he noticed that your cheeks were flushed. He put the back of his flesh hand on your skin. Heat radiated off of your face before he even touched you. You were definitely sick.

He got up, being careful not to wake you. He left the bedroom returning a few minutes later with water, Advil, and a thermometer. You groaned as your alarm rang, sending shooting pains into your skull. You groaned, opening your eyes. You felt like absolute shit. Your whole body ached, your throat was on fire, and even your skin hurt.

“You’re sick.” Bucky stated, as if he was informing you.

“Yeah, I can tell,” you retorted, wincing at the pain in every cell of your body. He smiled softly, brushing your hair behind your ears.

“I got you some water and Advil. Can I take your temperature, doll?”

You nodded and he put the thermometer under your tongue. He looked it, eyes widening. “Shit baby, that’s not good. Your temp is 102.8. How do you feel?”

“Horrible,” you pouted.

He sighed. “I’m not surprised. That’s a really high fever, baby. I think we should go to the doctor.”

You groaned, not wanting to move. You felt so horrible that the thought of having to get up and out of bed was a nightmare. You felt like you couldn’t stay awake, eyes closing no matter how hard you tried to keep them open. “Can’t move,” you whispered, coughing slightly. “My whole body hurts so much. Just wanna sleep.”

Bucky didn’t know what to do. In his mind, sickness meant calling a doctor. He had spent so many years worrying about Steve back in the 40s, sitting with him while he got looked at. He still wasn’t used to how things were today. The google search he did on his phone told him that if your fever went above 103, to take you to the hospital. In his opinion, you were close enough that he wanted to rush you there right now, but he could see how exhausted you were.

“Alright, rest for now. But if it gets worse we’re going to the hospital.” You didn’t even hear him as you had already fallen back to sleep.

You woke up in a daze, cold sweat clinging to your body. You were shivering aggressively, shaking the entire bed. “Babe?” Bucky said, noticing you were awake. “You cold?”

You nodded, teeth chattering. He quickly grabbed you another blanket, wrapping you up like a burrito. He wrapped his arms around you, hoping that his body heat would help, too. One of the major perks of dating a super soldier was that the chances of getting him sick were very slim. He held you as close as possible, trying to keep you warm. “Oh, honey,” he whispered, voice dripping with sympathy.

“Can you take your temperature again for me?” He asked after your shivering had subsided a little bit. You put the thermometer back in your mouth, waiting for the beep. Bucky took it from you, heart stopping as he looked. “I know you don’t wanna move, but we gotta go to the ER. You’re at 103.6. That’s really really bad.”

You groaned. You felt so horrible, his words barely even registered in your mind. He picked you up and carried you to the car, whispering words of encouragement along the way. You closed your eyes again, finding it physically impossible to stay awake. Bucky held your hand the entire car ride before picking you up and carrying you into the ER. He let you sleep as you waited, positioning your head on his shoulder. He constantly watched you to make sure you were still breathing. He didn’t wanna wake you until he absolutely had to.

When you were finally called in, he shook you gently. “Can you walk?” He asked. You weakly nodded and he helped you to your feet letting you lean on his body as you went to the exam room.

The doctor hooked you up to an IV immediately to hydrate your sick body as they examined you.

“How have you been sleeping?” She asked you.

“Um, not great,” you answered, voice sounding raspy. “I’ve been under a lot of stress.”

“She hasn’t slept in a week,” Bucky interjected. “She’s been getting sick a lot these past few months since she started grad school.”

The doctor nodded. “Okay that’s very good to know.” She proceeded to ask you a few more questions and then said, “Did you have chicken-pox as a kid?”

You nodded. “Yeah. When I was 5.”

She carefully rolled up your shirt, revealing a rash on your side. “It looks like you have shingles. The stress you’ve been under seems to have weakened your immune system which is why you’ve been getting sick so much. It makes sense that with all of that the virus would come back now.”

Bucky held your hand. He was relieved that you had a diagnosis but of course he was terrified. Back in his time, that would have been a death sentence. “Is she gonna be okay?”

“I’ll be fine, Buck,” you answered.

“Yes,” the doctor agreed. “We’re gonna keep her here for at least tonight because your fever is so high. But you will be okay.”

Bucky exhaled. “Oh, thank god.”

“Can I go to sleep now?” You asked the doctor. You were so exhausted.

“Yes. I’ll let you rest,” she smiled before leaving the room.

“I’m so sorry you feel so shitty,” Bucky said, holding your hand. “Will this make you take it easy?”

“I don’t know what I can do to change anything,” you said with tear filled eyes. “Literally the only time I have to get things done is in the middle of the night.”

He looked into your eyes. He wanted to help you so badly that his heart ached. He wanted you to be happy and healthy. “What if you quit your job?” He suggested. “You only took this as a temporary thing anyway. I know you don’t wanna stay there when you’re done with school.”

“I can’t not have a job, Bucky,” you argued.

“Baby,” he looked in your eyes. “Do you have any clue how much the Avengers pay me?” He smirked. “Trust me, you don’t need a job.” You opened your mouth to argue, ready to tell him that you didn’t need his money. “I know you’re your own person and you can make your own money. And one day, with that brain, you will make so much all on your own. But baby, you’re drowning. You’ve been sick more days than not the past few months. Please, let me take care of you. Just for a bit. I’d never tell you what to do and if you really wanna stay, you can. But you’re killing yourself, darling. And I can’t just sit back and watch as it happens. Just think about it. Please.”

You lazily smiled. “Okay. I’ll think about it. But not right now. Right now, I need to sleep.”

He stroked your hair and kissed your forehead. “Go to sleep, my love. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

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thatdeadaquarius · 2 years ago

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Hallo! You know who is someone I don’t see many people appreciating? Ganyu! Imagine a neurodivergent creator reader who is the one that finds her when she’s going through one of her crises when she doesn’t know if she belongs with the humans or Adepti and reader can understand her because that’s how they feel as well about life?? And about their old world and sometimes this one??

I feel that they could potentially bond over that and maybe even realize Ganyu is also somewhat neurodivergent in some way?? Or she’s very socially inept in some ways and reader can relate and share in those worries so the two just sometimes sit together shoulder to shoulder and just not say anything and just relax and everyone is confused??? Anyways that’s all for me, keep up the great work! :D

-Bonk anon

GOD, NEURODIVERGENT ASKS, JUST HAVE MY WHOLE HEART IN YOUR HANDS 😭😭🤲🤲💙💙

JUST TAKE IT I DONT NEED IT-

ALSO LESSER ASKED FOR/LESS POPULAR CHARACTERS??

SIGN ME TF UP-

Ahhh, look at her... I would die for her, kill for her... either way, what bliss ✨️

also fuCK mihoyo, she’s fat and beautiful and so thats how she gonna be written. 😤

saw this in my mailbox forever ago and as i was workng thru them, was just like, “damn that Ganyu ask is so close im so excited to write abt her <33”

☆

Sun: Neurodivergent!Reader, Gender Neutral (they/them)

Orbit: tiny scenario +headcanons

Stars: Ganyu, my dearest.

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: talk of low self-esteem & Trigger Warnings: talk of low self-esteem, neurodivergent struggles, talk of missing meals (ganyu wants to schedule out her lunch-breaks).

when you’d initially explained to the (actually scarily strong irl) genshin characters who’d been claiming all kinds of wild stuff about you (”The Last Descender! The World Player!”)

you’d been in Liyue at the time, and out of everyone, the first you could see believed you were a mortal on Earth before (and not ruling it 💀) was Ganyu.

She’d looked shocked, like the others, but you could quickly see her get more and mire visibly twitchy and excited as you explained further

(rlly unlike the just,, utter confusion on Xiao’s, Zhongli’s, Shenhe’s, and Cloud Retainer’s faces, so convinced of your divinity there’s no way you could be human- even just acting like one-)

but you did, and Ganyu loved it.

you actually didn’t interact much for the first month you were stuck in a gacha video game (the other alloegenes, gods, adepti, and citizens, including international, pulling you around for opinions on this and that)

But one night you couldn’t sleep (the Qixing provided amble spacious housing in a temple already apparently dedicated to you, one you’d never seen in game)

It’d been… a rough day.

Everywhere you went, miscommunications followed, and you still didn’t really know how to mask properly around these just- well, since they were real, aliens

sure, they mimicked stuff about humans, but not the people/culture you’d mostly been around, (and the adepti had their own code of behavior, which was so complex you’re sure they should’ve made an actual social behavior manual by now)

but you just couldn’t escape the endless cycle, not only that, but your executive function had apparently forgotten to keep up with some important appointments or otherwise things you had needed to get done earlier, so you were scrambling to send a late letter to Fontaine inventors who needed to get the project started in 3 days, which is how long the letter takes to get there, oh gods, and you needed to check on Inazuma, apparently Seirai island is getting lightningy again and the Raiden Shogun wants you in person as soon as possible to aid her with it, but you need to attend a Knights of Favonius meeting in 2 days-

Yeah. You were stressed, and honestly? crumbling under the pressure.

So you’d snuck out of your rooms (dodging the patrolling guards) and went to the office of the one person who knew who’d understand

Ganyu. Scribbling and mumbling in her office to herself, late into the night

She’d jumped at you slipping in without knocking (avoid the Milieth at all costs, even tho ur literally god and you’ve been told you can do whatever you want mostly)

and knocked a whooooollleee stack of papers to the floor, scattering it everywhere 😭

you’d scrambled to start picking them up,, but then she stops you frantically saying “No, no, it’s okay, it’s not a big deal I promise, there’s no need to cry over these silly papers, heaven-sent!”

what??

oh.

oh no.

it’d just been one more thing you’d messed up on top of all of today (and tbh this whole month whirlwind of becoming some kind of god of the continent)

and Ganyu was, Ganyu <3

she was sweet and kind and so overwhelmingly helpful, how could you make a mess of her life too-

“Emperor? Huangdi?”

you’re just sitting on the floor now, but you startle when she gently holds your upper arms, calling your name very softly, so soft if she wasn’t saying you actual name you’d think she was talking to something else, something precious to her

the qilin guides you up, easily supporting your weight, she directs you to her couch, and manuvers you into laying your head across her plush thighs, the half-adepti’s pants aren’t as skin-tight like in-game, they’re actually the cosiest fabric you’ve ever laid on (or maybe that’s just a combination of your fragileness and her thick thighs)

she rubs your shoulder and back, offering a tissue (when did she get that-)

and that’s when you know you’ve chosen your first friend in Teyvat perfectly :)

◇

you sneak out nearly every night for those first few months in Liyue (not including travel, which you tried to limit or you’d both make an excuse why she needed to come with lol)

just to sneak into her office, and you’d nearly cried a second time on her when she offered some notes about both standard human and adepti behaviors (after all, she’s had to study them both to fit into both)

Ganyu learns to do your hair and you do hers 🥺 she can’t bring herself to trust anyone to cut her hair but you, and you always try to do styles that don’t get in her way <3

like buns with a braid wrapped around it, or two space buns (Keqing didn’t say anything but Ganyu gossiped to you about how she could see a little smile on her face whenever she ran into Ganyu that week, obviously cutely thinking how they matched)

While of course the first thing Ganyu did was propose to help you schedule/manage your time so you wouldn’t have to rely on your non-existent executive function-

you’d also made sure to literally plop ur chin over her shoulder to make sure you saw “break” AT LEAST once a day, now that she was incorporating herself a little into ur schedule too (Ganyu fought tooth and nail to get rid of that lunch-break, but then you threatened to also not eat, and she caved so fast LMAO)

(bc she’s a die-hard workaholic ofc she wants this, after you heard abt her schedule in-game you’d thought it was lucky she was not fully human or she would’ve dropped dead, but now even moreso watching that horror in real time 💀)

which!! she!! is so!! (at this point you usually just squeeze her round cheeks a little too hard before then wrapping your arms as far as they can go around her torso and squeezing even harder-)

After a couple of “your trauma 🤝 my trauma” nights, she honestly understood really well where your limits were so to speak, what you could and simply couldn’t do

and was the first one willing to explain to people you have executive dysfunction (and was quick to cut off any “just try harder/pull yourself up by your bootstraps/just believe in yourself” nonsense when if came to your disabilities, even tho those were few and far between moments if any)

afterall, people had expected the same from her, and she frequently fell into that thinking herself (it also didn’t help that as you tried to give her a normal schedule at first, which benefitted her human side more, it felt like the Qixing was stumbling to keep up with the supernatural workload now being distributed)

Ganyu knew it had been your influence originally that helped her when she’d had her workload lightened/then followed by the traveler when she ran off

(and regardless of the truth too, when you’d finally gotten the courage to tell her how you actually interacted with Teyvat, unable to steer actions from what the plot dictated)

she’d still attributed it to you, (”well, you could’ve always just picked up your things and left, yes? But even if it was ‘pre-planned’ like you say, you still wanted to follow through and were… ahem, h-happy for m-me, right?” you’d smacked right into her you stimmed so relieved)

You didn’t exactly know how to explain it, bc everyone was really accepting,

from citizens to nobles, officials and guards, to vision-users, gods and other supernatural beings that inhabited Teyvat

no one judged you for unmasking/stimming, but in that way that meant they didn’t really understand what was different about you, they just knew you were and they’d still decided to treat you with the same adoration anyway

but Ganyu,

she treated you the same but knew what stims you did when you were happy or excited, what ones comforted you, what your latest verbal stims were, and what your “classics” were (u never had to tell her, she just learned them quick and all on her own, bless this woman 🛐 )

Ganyu understood all the good and all the bad and saw you unmasked and still laughed so hard at your jokes she fell into your side and always asked another question about your hyperfixations/interests

you’d quickly realized there were a lot of neurodivergent overlaps between stuff Ganyu did and what you did

(whether or not she herself was, you just assumed yes based on what you researched, but there wasn’t any official testing in teyvat)

it makes more sense to you after applying the neurospicy filter to all her actions why she’s so obsessed with work (she hyperfixates on certain projects the Qixing has going, and has a long-term passive fixation on scheduling/stationary/related office work stuff)

but this also meant you understood why she was always asking for more about you, your mortal world, your time here, where you wanted to go in teyvat, what you wanted to do, how’d you feel when the game did this to someone, what about-?

needless to say you couldn’t (and didn’t have to 🥲) contain your stims at knowing you became a slight hyperfixation for her

she got all embarassed and blushy about it!!! <333😩 (and did that cute thing where she just kinda sways in place holding her hands together when bashful or nervous ✨💔✨)

unrelated to above, but your favorite thing (besides sightseeing or eating at yet another new restaurant in liyue) to do together is go do something childish

like playing children’s games (hopscotch, or hill sliding in ganyus case) from both ur childhoods

u thought itd be a good idea to get Ganyu to relax a little more and have more fun outside her job!

(again, unrelated bc idk im scattered with these headcanons, the cryo user loves when you help her pick new outfits at stores not bc she wants to impress u what)

ok last unrelated headcanon i promise,

Ganyu wasn’t overly affectionate before, honestly she was always going too fast to stop for those kind of casual touches (and when was there time in her old scedule)

but after a month of getting comfortable around each other, she subconciously gets up from her desk (mid-reading a file/carrying it with her lmao)

and sits on her office couch, making room for you to lay on her (and she is the perfect pillow)

(you dont point it out, you know she’ll get too embarassed, and you refuse to lose Ganyu cuddles <3)

☆

im so glad im not the only one who took one look at Ganyu’s problems in life and was like, “damn im neurospicy, ur so right, blue-frosty-magical-half-deer-secretary-woman”

btw it’s on the masterlist “turn on the background music?” but here’s really long playlist I made for sagau stuff!

mostly game music but also other fun songs i hope fit, mostly based of my blog so it’s not dark (as the other playlists under SAGAU search on spotify looked dark too lmao)

Safe Travels Bonk Anon,

💀♒

I mentioned making a kofi before, but I think I’ll start including it in posts too if u guys dont mind!

An iced coffee? For me?? :O

☆

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks

#tis slow going over here at deadaqua.com #i wanna write a bunch then post it all at once #idc if that makes me a menace #i am free #genshin sagau #sagau #genshin isekai #genshin imagines #my asks #ganyu x reader #sagau ganyu #self aware genshin au #gender neutral reader #genshin impact sagau #could be platonic but i implied romantic #but ill tag anyway #sagau platonic #genshin x reader

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muikitoo · 1 year ago

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Sooooooooooooo...

so...

Are you still taking requests?...

Idk what you are comfortable with doing or not... But if you are ok with it, could you do a Rise Leo x Reader anxiety attack?

*Nervous anime sweat drops 👉👈*

Like, maybe the Reader has been masking emotions all day and when Leo comes over they break down or catches them mid break down... Or something like that...?

Thank you!

*Runs away-*

Anxiety attack

Leo x gn! s/o who is having an anxiety attack.

Warnings

Anxiety attack, but the rest is fluff and comfort.

A/N:

I was actually pretty excited to write this. I hope it turned out well enough

- When he finds u in the middle of an anxiety attack, he panics. A lot.

- Quickly goes and gets you some water.

- He tries to calm you down, without necessary touching you or doing anything that could possibly trigger you more.

- breathing exercises/techniques

- after youve calmed down a little he tries to use reassuring words and hugs u gently(only if u let him).

- "Its okay. Youre safe now, i promise."

- it rally hurts him to see you like that, he loves you more than anything.

- After some time he'll ask to talk to you about what happened, if you dont wana talk abt it then he'll try and distract u/make u feel better (movies, games, cuddles, ect) and then talk about it whenever you need

Leo decided to visit you, worried. You hadn't texted or called him in a while. He thought you were just busy bc of school and that you'd visit the lair after your classes ended, but you never did.

Once he entered your apartment/house - it was awfully quiet. He felt his heart start to race, thinking about everything that couldve possibly happened. "Y/n? Hermosa? You home?" He said nervously. He was afraid, which he usually masks well, but this time he couldnt even think of that. He needed to make sure youre okay. The more he got closer to your room, the more he could hear faint sobs. He entered your room and saw you on the floor, shaking.

"Y/n!" He was quick to be by your side. He was confused and didnt want to touch you or do anything triggering. He quickly ran to the kitchen to grab you some water. He helped you drink some and then set the cup down somewhere and then turned his attention back to you. "Breathe, love. Breathe." He made you look at him as he told you to follow his instructions, breathing slowly - in and out.

"hey, do you mind if i hold you for a little while?" He asked after youve calmed down a bit. After getting your approval, he slightly scooted towards you and gently layed your head on his plastron, wrapping his arms around you. "Do you mind telling me what happened? Or do you want to talk about it later? As you amazing and handsome boyfriend i want to be here for you through this and help you anyway i can!" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little and wanting to earn atleast a small smile from you. You let out a shaky giggle, telling him about your stressful day and everything that happened during the classes. He listened carefully, petting your hair and humming every once in a while to let you know he's listening.

After having a talk and making sure youre okay, you decided to watch a movie. "You know what? Ill be generous today and let my amazing s/o pick whatever movie you want." He smirked as he pecked your head, getting comfortable in the sheets as he handed you the remote.

A/N: i wrote this in school so it was rushed. Im not that educated in stuff like this so if i got something wrong please correct me without being rude.

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orchidbreezefc · 1 month ago

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some notes on tumblr tagging for tiktok refugees (i know the ban was short lived but we hope you consider staying here instead!!)

tags are different from terms. tags are the things at the bottom of a post with a #hashtag, terms are just... words anywhere in a post. tags are the thing you deliberately put on a post to categorize it.

like on tiktok, tumblr tags are used for optimizing searchability on a post--you can look up a tag on tumblr and see every post someone has made with it.

tags are also organization tools on one's own blog--i tag all my cheerful/positive posts with '#smiles' so i can go through the tag if i have a bad day, or see every post ive tagged with '#cats'.

tag trigger warnings and do not censor them. using "glitter" as a stand-in trigger, you NEED to tag as "#glitter", not '#gl1tt3r'. you dont have to worry about an algorithm blocking your triggering glitterposts, but individual people will blacklist "#glitter", and that won't work if you spell it differently!

when setting up a blacklist you can use asterisks before and/or after a term to broaden it. blocking "#*glitter*" should (if tumblr does its job) cover tags like '#glitter cw' and '#cw glitter', which someone might use so that their post doesnt get categorized in the '#glitter' tag for others to look up.

there's also a field for blacklisting terms rather than tags, which will block every post with "glitter" anywhere in the text, including usernames!

when you use the tumblr search function the 'search' tab will show you every post that contains that term somewhere--the 'tagged' tab shows you posts deliberately tagged with that term!

both types of searches are pretty busted tbh--desktop url searches are a bit more reliable but not perfect. you can search individual blogs with tumblr.com/[blogname]/tagged/glitter to look through a tag. adding /chrono sorts them oldest to newest.

the original post is the only one that shows up in the main tumblr tag. you can tag "#glitter" on your reblog of a post not originally tagged as such, and that post won't show up in the "#glitter" tag.

blacklists will pick up the tags on the original post even if a reblog doesn't have them! this is useful for blocking e.g. stuff with terfy origins that the person reblogging it didn't know about. if you blacklist "#radfems please interact" and OP tagged the post with that, you won't see it even if the person you saw reblog it tagged it with nothing at all.

it's considered rude to tag an original post with something the post speaks of negatively. that's why one might tag an original post as "#glitter cw" rather than just "#glitter"--if the post shit-talks glitter, don't put it in the "#glitter" tag where glitter fans go to see glitter content!

fandoms at least will usually have a "#[fandom] negative", '#[fandom] neg', or "#[fandom] critical" tag for this. put it there instead.

tags are also used for plain ol' yapping. tag chatter is the low intensity version of a comment or reply. it doesn't prompt a response, it's mostly just for you and your followers. only the OP and the person you reblogged from will see your tags in their notifications.

HOWEVER people can find your tags by looking through the notes, and it's not uncommon to drag tags into the main post by quoting or screenshotting them. they might say "how dare you leave this in the tags" or 'these tags passed peer review' if they really liked them and wanted to share what you said. or they may properly respond!

if you go for a screenshot please put the text in the alt or as an ID below for screenreaders!

it's also nice to link to the person whose tags you're showing off or addressing, but if you reblog from them directly you can indicate this by calling them "prev".

tags can be edited on desktop but on mobile you have to delete them and start again.

there's a 280 character limit per tag and a limit of i think 20 tags per post?

the most important rule of tagging is to have fun and be yourself! <3 and also to provide trigger warnings, because seriously.

#tiktok #tumblr #<main tags so you'll see them if you search those #psa #ref #sage speaks #sage original post #tagging #<tags for my own organization #hopefully these colors are effective for moderately colorblind people? let me know #<chatter tag!#actually this demonstration here may have been better than making a whole post explaining it. oh well

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cyberrgirlsblog · 1 year ago

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Candle ligth Pt4

trigger warning: cussing, smoking, not proof read, erm idk. kinda rushed revolation erm yea i hope this is ok, lm if i should change anything, some inacurate use of drugs and names for them like more modern names for stuff. spelling

Your pov

—--------------

I woke up in the morning to the semblance of sunlight shining in my eyes. I groaned and turned over trying to fall back asleep but soon started to cough after I inhaled smoke in my lungs. I sat up and looked around the room only to see ash sitting on his bed smoking a cig.

“Ash what the fuck, its like 9:00am or some shit why the fuck are you smoking” i groaned in irritation, looked at me and rolled his eyes. I was surprised since he rarely ever did smoke anything that wasn't weed

“Yea well too bad, pol said it was ok too before you ask.” he said rather bluntly but i could swear i saw a slight smirk at the edge of his lips.

“Yea well good for you, also when did you even start smoking anything but weed .” I said confused, he inhaled the smoke from his cigarette and blew it out. Before he could respond i herd a nock on the door.

“Hello?” i said not knowing if it was pol or one of her maids who was knocking on the door.

“It's me” I heard pol's distinct voice say, she opened the door and saw me and ash looking at her with curious eyes. She breathed in before speaking “Tommy is having a ballet and he wants you two to come to supply stuff we don't have. You need to leave by the time the ballet starts. Please while there do not say anything you would usually say.” Me and ash shared a look before looking back at Pol

“What type of drugs do you need and what do you mean don't say what we usually say are there gonna be some high class shits there or something.” Ash said, I nodded as I continued to stare at pol. I was suspicious about why she seemed somewhat uneasy.

“That's what I mean, don't talk like that when you're there, there will be some important people there try not to talk to them. If they talk to you first, that's different.” she said with a serious tone. She took a puff of her own cigarette. The room slowly started to smell more and more of smoke making me cough slightly.

“What should we wear there and do you have a notepad so i can write down what we need to bring pol.” I said while getting up from my bed and going over to the desk.

“If they are in the 2nd there should be a pen in there as well, we need some cannabis and morphine. The money will be there when you arrive one of the maids will show you where it is” she said, i wrote down what and how much that was needed.

“Also it's formal so I expect you two to look nice and not like you just walked out of a pub. It's this friday” she said, i chuckled a little bit.

“We will make sure to look presentable for those rich fucks dont worry.”i said and looked over at Ash to make sure he heard me. I turned around as I stood up from the chair and folded the note.

“And if anyone asks why you're here say you make art and that's why you're here so (y/n) i need you to paint a picture of anything really just to cover you two. How far along are you with the painting of Tommy and lizzy” she said, I looked at her and nodded. The way we often covered up drug sails was by smuggling it in through art.

“I'm almost done with just some touch ups I need to do to the background but it should be done. But if i want it to be done by this friday i need to get back home know” i said with urgency in my voice.

Pol looks at me and nods her head “ok well i'll get the car started don't take too long to pack up anything you brought.” she said as she left the room

“Thank you Mrs. Gray "I yelled out, I started to pack the few things I brought and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and make myself look presentable. I stuck my head out the bathroom and looked at ash

“Yo are you gonna come with me or stay here?” I asked him as I walked back into the room while grabbing my bag. Ash looked at me and shook his head.

“Nah i think ima stay here for a bit try to get in contact with fez.” he said looking at me and smiling slightly.

‘’Ok well stay safe ash and don't get yourself into anything stupid okay i got people that will tell me if you do.” i said while lightly punching him in his shoulder

“Aye what? (Y/n) the fuck do you mean you got people?” he said confused, as i walked out the door i turned and sent a playful grin towards him before leaving the room and closing the door behind me. As I walked down stares I could hear people talking. When I got down I saw it was Aberham Gold and Polly.

“Toms got a fucking trues with them Pol-” he stopped once he saw me. The thing was he didnt know who I was but I knew of him. I knew his son had been killed by the billy boys and that he was a good shooter.

“Sorry if i'm interrupting anything.” I said to them I shifted my eyes to the floor to put up a nervous front. “Pol, ash said he's gonna stay here for a bit. I thought I should let you know.” I heard footsteps come over to me. I looked up from the ground and saw Pol looking at me.

“That's fine but are you fine being by yourself at home?” she asked like a concerned mother or maybe she was just asking to be kind either way it confused me somehow.

“Well at home there are weapons so if anyone tries anything I'll shoot them.” i said a bit quieter compared to my normal tone. Pol looked at me and nodded her head. I noticed Aberham looking at me with an unreadable look on his face. I felt a smirk appeared on my face, i shifted my eyes between the two of them

“ This is your boyfriend Pol?” I asked with a giggle. I could see both of them roll their eyes and pol pushed me to the front door.

“Get in the car (Y/n) I'll meet you there in a minute.” she said with a playfully annoyed voice. I laughed and waved to Abraham and walked out to the car. I opened the door and set my things down next to me in the other seat. I took out a cigarette and lit it, but not before opening the door of the car and getting out. I observed the neighborhood, it was a higher class neighborhood compared to the others in Birmingham, the skys were clearer and it was more quiet. I noticed a car parked outside of a house with someone in it. It appeared to be a man but it was hard to tell. But what I could tell is that they were looking at Pol's house. I blew out some smoke from my cigarette and threw it on the ground and snuffed it out. I looked back up at the car and noticed they were looking at me now. I stared back squinting my eyes for some hope to see through the tinted glass of the car windows but before I could get a good look I heard the door open.

“Well let's go (Y/n), Oh and this is Abraham gold, Abraham this is (Y/n).” she said as she got in the car Abraham followed and sat next to her. I got into the seat behind them. As the driver got in the car I took note of abraham. He was wearing working class clothes. He had gray hair that looked like it was just cut.

It seemed that he sensed my eyes on him as he turned his head to look back at me, i smiled “Nice to meet you Mr. Gold sorry for intruding on your conversation with Ms.Gray”

“Nice to meet you (y/n), you have a last name don't you?” he asked, smiling back at me.

“If I did , you would know it. I was adopted and given my name by my grandmother.” i said looking at him, it wasn't a lie necessarily i was given a name by my grandma but i changed it to (Y/n) after a while i mean Ash might of kept his but no one calls him ashtray. I changed my name to (y/n) after we moved out of the states, there's no document of it though. There's no documents of my old name either, But I like it that way because it makes it easier for me to keep a low profile and harder for people to research me beyond what I do on a daily basis.

I turned and looked at the window and watched as the houses passed by, my eyes looking around anytime we made a stop. To try to find anything that would interest me, I could hear the voices of pol and abraham but i didn't listen to what they were saying. I didn't care, I just wanted to get home.

Time jump

The car stopped outside of my house, it was a small house but bigger than the ones in small heath, it was an old farmhouse but not like tommys it was more of a mansion. We didn't grow anything, though maybe some flowers or corn but that was all.

“Thank you for taking me here Ms. Gray, I do appreciate it a lot” I said before getting out of the car and grabbing my things. I closed the door behind me and waved before walking up to the house.

Silently, I turned the doorknob and entered the room. Gently, I slipped off my shoes and ascended the staircase. Crossing the hallway, I peered into my grandmother's room through the slightly ajar door. A serene sight met my eyes – she slumbered peacefully, the weight of her worries visibly lifted. A smile crept across my lips, reassured by her newfound tranquility.

I went down to living room and there I carefully unfolded the drape that veiled my work-in-progress, a depiction of Tommy and Lizzie. With deliberate steps, I placed the cloth on the floor, clearing a space for me to start painting.

Fetching my watercolor brushes and selecting the appropriate hues, and started to paint. The canvas came alive under the caress of my brushstrokes, I blended the colors, giving life to the background. The trees that graced my window became the cornerstone of this painting, their forms and shades guiding my vision.

While engrossed in my painting, a knock at the door jolted me from my concentration. Puzzled by the unexpected interruption, I put down my brushes and retrieved my gun from the side table. With the weapon discreetly concealed on my person, my senses heightened.

"Hello," I greeted, cracking the door open just enough to peer out. The persons identity remained hidden, and I wasn't gonna take any risks.

"Is this (y/n)'s house?" the voice inquired. Though familiar, I struggled to place it.

"Who's asking?" I responded skeptically, slightly widening the door's opening.

"Duke," came the reply. The moment that name escaped his lips, the door swung fully open, and a rush of emotions flooded me as I looked at the figure infront of me. He looked every bit of the Duke I remembered, and a genuine smile graced my lips. Although part of me wanted to hug him and share how much I'd missed him, I held back, mindful of our past boundaries.

"Hey. How did you…. find me?" I asked, a blend of happiness and confusion evident in my tone.

"I remembered where your house was from our 1st encounter, to be honest." he explained, his gaze steady and direct.

"Want to come in then, or is this just a brief visit?" I asked, maintaining our eye contact.

"Um... sure," he agreed. I widened the doorway, and he entered. Barely a few steps inside, I intervened by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"yo, hold on. take off your shoes. I dont want to have any mud or dirt tracked in," I said. Once he complied, I withdrew my hand and he turned to the wall and took off his shoes. The phone rang.

As Duke stepped inside and I discreetly answered the phone, a sense of unease settled over me. The voice on the other end sounded unfamiliar, and the mention of Fezco, me, and Ashtray raised an internal alarm.

"Hello?" I responded cautiously, trying to maintain a composed demeanor.

"Is this the residence of Fezco, (y/n), and Ashtray?" The calm mellow voice of an American female was heard on the other end held a calculated tone, sending a chill down my spine.

"Who's asking?" I repeated, my voice tinged with a mix of wariness and curosity.

The voice on the phone grew slightly colder, a hint of menace lacing its words. "we're concerned about the company they've been keeping. Working with the Peaky Blinders."

My heart raced, realizing that this was no ordinary call. The implications of this conversation began to sink in – our connections, our allegiances were being scrutinized, and our safety was hanging in the balance.

"Look, whoever you are, I don't know what your talking about." I retorted, my voice firm, a shield of defiance against the mounting threat.

The voice remained unfazed, its threat now more explicit. "Fezco, (y/n), and Ashtray might want to reconsider their loyalties if they value their well-being. The Peaky Blinders' enemies have a long reach, and are not afraid to take drastic measures."

My mind raced, assessing the situation. It was clear that the caller was well-informed, aware of our affiliations, and determined to exploit our vulnerability.

"I don't take kindly to threats, also why threaten them?" I responded, my voice now in a whisper and edged with a steely resolve. "If you think we'll be intimidated, you're mistaken."

The line went silent for a moment before the voice spoke again, its tone measured. "Remember, (y/n), everyone has weaknesses, even those who walk in the shadow of the Peaky Blinders. Make your choice wisely."

With that chilling finality, the call ended. I stood there, phone in hand, the weight of the threat sinking in. As I turned back to rejoin Duke, the gravity of our situation became all too clear – the world we were entangled in was more rife with danger than I knew, and the safety of Fezco, Ashtray, and myself. I huffed in frustration, before turning back to a confused duke.

"Make yourself comfortable," I offered while trying to make it seem like it was a normal phone call that had just happened. leading the way into the cozy space filled with the gentle glow of natural light filtering through the windows. The unfinished painting of Tommy and Lizzie stood prompt up.

Duke's eyes wandered around the room, his gaze eventually settling on the painting. "You paint?" he remarked, a hint of admiration in his voice. It seemed like he has not paid to much mind to the call

"Yea i do, Thanks," I replied, i felt my face heat up. "It's a work in progress."

“"Who are those people in the painting?" Duke's voice carried a note of genuine curiosity as his gaze remained fixed on the canvas.

I turned to face the artwork, my own smile reflecting the fondness I held for the depicted characters. "That's Tommy Shelby and his wife, Lizzie Shelby, or formerly Lizzie Stark," I explained. My attention lingered on the painting as I recalled the intricate details I had carefully woven into the canvas.

"Shelby?" Duke's reaction was unmistakable – a mix of surprise and disbelief.

I met his astonished gaze with a subtle smile. "I've been creating art for the Shelbys for a while now. This isn't the first time I've 'painted' for them. I suppose they appreciate my work, do you know them?" I responded. Before Duke could ask further, I cut him off.

"Would you like something to drink?" I offered, listing the available options – whisky, rum, wine, and water. His prompt choice of water made it clear he wasn't in the mood for alcohol.

As I fetched the water and poured two glasses, “you don't drink?” the duke asked, "I drink whatever my guests prefer," I clarified, the corners of my lips curling into a knowing smile. Sipping from my own glass, I maintained a relaxed posture, ready to address his deeper concerns.

His next inquiry, laden with curiosity and a touch of worry, cut to the core of the matter. "is it true what people sayabout them (Y/n)?"

I sighed softly, the sound of my foot bouncing nervously on the ground filled the room "Duke, I dont know how much i can share but to answer your question, yes. In fact, they've reached out to me and my brothers before. When we first came to England, they extended an offer to… collaborate."

Duke's reaction was a dance of surprise and restraint, his attempts to speak yielding to a quiet contemplation. in a impulsive moment i decide to reveal a half truth. Retrieving my concealed gun and placing it on the table, I leaned in slightly, locking eyes with him.

"Duke, I'm sharing this with you because in some weird way I trust you. My brothers and I, well, our hands are dirty. We deal…. things. the shelbys have helped us out. I need you to understand the trust I'm putting in you. That call i had was a threat to me and my brothers and it's not the first either.``

Leaning back, I continued, a mischievous glint in my eye. "If you were to betray this trust, the consequences would be shitty. But I believe you won't. For some odd reason I trust you with this, and I don't know why."

Duke's expression was a blend of confusion and composed acceptance, his gaze steady as he processed my revelations. As the last drop of water quenched my thirst, I held his gaze, waiting for his response, aware that connection had just been tested and solidified in a single moment.

Duke's contemplative silence hung in the air, showing the weight of the information he had just been entrusted with. His eyes held a mixture of uncertainty and understanding of the complexities that lay beneath the surface of our interaction.

Duke finally spoke, he reached and put a hand on my sholder sligthly pulling me closer to him, leaving me to stare into his sligthly wide hazel eyes. his voice carrying a sense of respect. "I won't betray your trust (Y/n)”

I acknowledged his words with a nod, my demeanor calm and collected. Duke let go of my shoulder removing any warmth i had felt, he leaned back, his gaze shifting from the gun to my eyes. "why do you trust me? you dont know anything about me so why tell me this."

I leaned forward, a thoughtful smile playing on my lips. "im still tryna figure that out Duke. i just do thought, i dont trust easly but for you i will."

Duke's brow furrowed as he contemplated my words, in some odd way he liked that you trusted him so easily, he like how his name rolled off your tung . "So, you trust me, just like that?"

"yea, Duke," I replied rather bluntly.

He took a moment to absorb my response before speaking again. "Um well i wont betray your trust (Y/n)”

I leaned back, mirroring his posture. "So know that you know that about me why don't you tell me about yourself."

Duke's gaze was thoughtful, and I could tell he was processing the layers of meaning behind my words. "Alright, (Y/n)."

As the evening unfolded, Duke and I got deeper into conversation, discussing our aspirations, dreams, and the intricacies of life that had shaped us. The unfinished painting of Tommy and Lizzie stood as a silent witness to our burgeoning connection, a symbol of the artistry and authenticity that had revealed so much in such a short amount of time. I only told duke the top of the iceberg when it came to me and my family but so far thats all he would need to know.

—------------------ 3hrs laters

"Man, some people just do weird ass shit," I remarked with a laugh.

Duke nodded, a grin forming on his face. " You wouldn't believe the things I've seen and heard working at those fairgrounds. Once, I was walking towards one of the tents, and I heard these two folks figthing" I chuckled, intrigued. "why?"

Duke's smile widened as he clarified, "dont know, 'parently they both after the same girl, she had been with both of em" He gestured with his hands, leaving the rest to imagination.

I took a bite of the food I had brought along and smirked. "good on her i guess, not many men would figth for a girl like that.”

Duke let out a laugh. "well i dont know (y/n) more men would figth for a woman's love thani think you realize.”

I couldn't help but shake my head in amusement. "thats hard for me to beileve, from what ive seen with men in small heath. they'll fight over things like a glass of beer."

Duke leaned back, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "I guess some people figth over shit as stupid as that, others though have more respect than to figth over beer."

“thats true,anyways speaking of small heith. one time i was there and i went into a betting shop to delivery some goods and well i shouldve knocked cause i walked in on some random guy and girl just on one of the tables fucking. I don't think they saw me so I just left.” I said while chuckling and cringing at the memory.

As I was laughing I heard the phone ring, I had no idea who it could be. A pit of anxiety built up in my stomach as I looked at duke.

As I picked up the phone, a mixture of relief and curiosity filled me. It was Tommy Shelby on the other end.

"Hello Mr. Shelby, can I help you with anything?" I inquired, my tone respectful but tinged with curiosity.

"Good evening," his voice carried its usual air of authority. "I thought I should give you a heads-up about something. You're delivering the painting and the merchandise to my party tomorrow, correct?"

A sense of intrigue settled over me as I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yea, that's correct."

"Good. Now, I'm aware that certain... elements will be present at the party. Oswald Mosley, for one," he continued, his voice measured.

My curiosity deepened as he mentioned Mosley's name. Oswald Mosley – a man with a reputation and connections that sent shivers down the spines of many. "Yes, I've heard of him." my tone grim

Tommy's tone turned more serious. "I suggest you keep your distance from him, (Y/n). Mosley's got a way of getting into people's heads, and I wouldn't want you caught up in any of his schemes."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. "I appreciate the warning, Mr. Shelby. I'll be sure to be cautious."

"Good," he replied. "Remember, we've got business to attend to, and Mosley's not someone you want to involve yourself with."

His words held a weight that wasn't lost on me. "I understand, Mr. Shelby. I'll keep my focus on the task at hand."

"Very well. See you at there" he said, his tone returning to its usual directness.

"Thank you, Mr. Shelby. Looking forward to it," I replied before hanging up.

As I walked back to where Duke was sitting, he looked at me expectantly. "Everything alright?"

I nodded, a mixture of thoughts and emotions swirling within me. "Yeah, just a call related to the party tomorrow."

Duke raised an eyebrow. "Party? Anything exciting?"

I chuckled softly, aware of the secrecy that often surrounded the Shelby family's affairs. "You could say that. But it seems like it might be more eventful than I expected."

Duke's gaze was curious. "In a good way or a bad way?"

I met his eyes, a mixture of determination and curiosity in my expression. "Only one way to find out."

I looked at my watch to check the time, 12:00 am shit.

“Damn its late you gotta be anywhere early tomorrow?” i asked duke

“Yea but they won't notice if I'm late, they'll probably be late because a lot of fair workers went to the pub, one of them invited me but I said no.” i smirked at what Duke just said

“Aw you decided to give up the pub to come visit me how sweet.” I said with a giggle, duke rolled his eyes, his cheeks brightening slightly with blush. I went and sat down this time next to him not to close though.

“Shut up” duke said, i just looked over at him, my eyes roaming over his face. They lingered on his lips a bit longer than they should have, I hit him on the shoulder slightly.

“Calm down man, was just joking.” i said, I giggled a bit looking ahead at the painting, my smile dimmed a bit, the eyes of Thomas Shelby were all I could see in that moment. His cold unmoving eyes that I depicted so perfectly in the painting. Lizzies eyes were light and while they had a closed off look they weren't as threatening as tommys.

“Hey duke.” i said finally turning away from the painting

“Thanks for coming to visit. I appreciate it a lot.” I said to him with a smile.

“Really? He asked if his face was hard to read but he seemed almost confused, so I smiled at him.

“Yea I missed you. I mean it duke, i know its corny as fuck but like i dont know i cant explain it.” i said my voice lowered a bit from shynes. Maybe it was because I was tired but I swear I could see him smile, not a smug smile or a mean one but a genuine smile.

“Are you always so… honest about how you feel about people (y/n)?” he asked me.

“Only with people I'm comfortable with. Anyways, do you want to stay the night or do you have somewhere to stay? "I asked him. I made sure my tone only had hospitality in it and nothing else. Duke thinks for a little,

“I have a place to stay dont worry” he said, i nodded my head and got up and went to the kitchen to grab him some extra food, i came back and gave him it.

“Um well ill see you when i see you i guess?” i said awkwardly while he got up. We walked to the front door. I opened it and he walked outside.

“Oh also Duke, I got a place in small heath. Here's the address, i can't promise that ill always be there thought.'' I said as I handed him a note with the address. He took it and pretended to read it before placing it in his coat pocket, not wanting to revile he couldnt read.

“Thanks (Y/n), ill uh see you later and remember you can always stop by the fair its gonna be here in the area for a little.” he said, he looked away and coughed after he said that.

“Ill try it depend on how things pan out for me thought, thanks for stopping by again duke, bye.” i said before i closed the door. I slid down the door until I hit the floor, I listened till I couldn't hear his footsteps anymore.

“Shit” I said before getting up and walking upstairs. I went to bed knowing tomorrow will be something i don't think I'm prepared for.

#duke shelby x reader #peaky blinder headcanon #tommy shelby #dukeshelby #polly gray #john shelby #peaky blinder fanfic #ashtray #euphoria #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x you #finn shelby #finn shelby x reader

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mapsofnonexistentplaces · 11 months ago

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Character thang: mithrun! And falin:3 if u want

GRINS just doing mithrun for now might rb this later and add on falin thoughts....

favorite thing about them

honestly just his whole arc being a pretty blatant abuse/depression metaphor combined with like. some of the most realistic disabled writing ive seen in fantasy. like i remember reading dunmeshi for the first time and pogging about seeing a character with ptosis because i NEVER see that shit outside of my own ocs and also some of the stuff discussed about him like. having a weird sense of direction (which is partially bc of dungeon lord business but also iirc he is stated to have weird walking/gesture patterns so!) and not really being aware of his own energy or triggers.... like it hits very close to home for me as a chronically fatigued guy with bad balance and bad eyesight and its just really nice to see someone like me portrayed in like. a way which doesnt exaggerate mithrun's disability as laughable or tragic in a very unsympathetic way. like the way the canaries accommodate him and the way his arc finishes up (+ the little chats he has with marcille....) i think its very sweet very comforting. ive just been very into him recently after like. coming to terms with being abused by an ex and going through the whole rollercoaster of emotions that comes with that. like. ughhh. i saw this thread recently and it keeps swimming around in my mind. its good

least favorite thing about them

i guess like the dude's bigotry but considering other chapters in the adventurer's bibble he seems to be self aware of it? its kind of an unexplored facet of him altogether.... and at the same time i think it informs a lot of like. the inherent supremacist ideas elf culture harbors.

favorite line

brOTP

reiterating what i said when i answered these qs with kabru. i think they both have a very funny dynamic that i wouldnt even necessarily describe as platonic or friendly theyre just very good inverse masks of one another.... makes for entertaining scenes in a way i really respect

also as i mentioned i think him and marcille getting to know one another post-story and talking out dungeon lord feelings is nice....

OTP

i think he has more important things to worry about

nOTP

him and kabru. as i said i think its funnier if theyre just two blokes forced to talk to each other. they wouldve never conversed willingly and that makes so many of their discussions interesting....

random headcanon

i think im just too picky about the anime LOL but im not too fond of the voice hes been given based on the previews. they did that breathy anime twink shit to him. i think he sounds like he smokes 20 cigarettes a day personally

unpopular opinion

i think the fact i dont like yaoi with him in it is unpopular enough i feel. oh uh i also think like. the few scenes where he shows off like. genuine bursts of aggression and violence are really fucking interesting and everyones far too keen on dismissing him as like. A Numb Mindless Boytoy like hey. think about this dude for a second as like an individual please.

song i associate with them

SIGH i have so much to say about this one. thats for another day though

favorite picture of them

sketches here are forever lodged in my mind theyre cutes. i like his shitty little ponytail here LOL

#ask

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 1 year ago

Text

OK HEY soooo sort of an update under the cut regarding sharing / other tangentially related selfship stuff !!

feel free to not read , i put it under the cut cuz its long/not super important but yea ;3

so idrk how to word this but basically since iv started hangin out on tumblr my views on selfshipping have changed a lot!!! i honestly was not expecting everyone on here to be so lovely and accepting and im so happy to be in a community i feel so comfortable in :'3

but!!! basically: with the nature of me not being open abt f/o on here things have gotten lowk really complicated LMFSJDFJHSF long story short i ended up having to sb a moot today bc i didn't realize we shared a main </3 i feel really bad abt letting that slip thru the cracks, but i just honestly did not know until i saw smth they reblogged today; and i wanted 2 respect their "dni if we share" !

however at the same time as this my views have also changed on sharing !! one week on selfship tumblr and im much more relaxed about it,,, crazy. tbh youre ALL canon and real to me even if we share cuz different versions n multiverse theory n all that. ;p SO

i realized that im comfortable interacting w/ people that i share w if it's not one of their mains, and if they state that theyre comfortable sharing on their profile bc ofc i wanna respect their boundaries!! so from now on i think thats prolly gonna be how i go about things bc it honestly just doesnt trigger me anymore yippee yahoo.

i know tht might be worrisome tho for some who dont wanna view content potentially centered around a character they *also* are dating so if that concerns you, feel free to reach out to me and ask me if we share, ill tell u!!!

or u can just block my #. 🔮 tag entirely bc that covers anything posted w The Blorbo in mind. i will never explicitly post a character tho so dont worry about being triggered either way! (yeah im prob never publicly revealing sorry)

sorry this is so long and probably WAY deeper than it actually is but im so new here and idrk the ettiquette so i just wanna make sure i dont unintentionally hurt anyone! tbh i never expected anyone to see or interact w this blog in the first place (my policy at first was . "i dont feel comfortable naming my f/o but if we share i wont interact w u!!" not accounting for the fact that ppl could interact w ME first... LMAO i just didnt expect everyone to be so nice and welcoming 😭) and im so grateful to have virtually met all u guys and ur lovely f/os ;3

anyway x o x o SORRY THAT IS SO FUCKING LONG oh my god anyways. back to ur regularly scheduled programming

#.info #f/o #self ship

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asiogie · 2 years ago

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do uhh you think its a good idea to trend the doc the twt users are trying to rn? 😬 cause I don't think it's gonna do anything but cause more problems tbh like it has nothing really to do with us anymore man idk

u don't have to answer if you think you'll get jumped I know its sensitive stuff just curious cause I'm getting tummy aches from it

i wont lie and say im not extremely worried for her. i saw her tweet and i know she said she doesn't care about the harassment but she's only a child :( i really hope she has some adults in her life who are helping her

personally i won't be posting about it/tweeting any hashtags on my twitter as i'm a victim of csa and this is an extremely triggering topic for me. i dont know the extent of this situation because i can't even open the document (please understand)

i only wish the best for her

#im not gonna answer anything else about this btw the topic makes me feel Not Good #tw grooming #ask

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chaotic-archaeologist · 2 years ago

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hello it is the anon from yesterday who was losing their mind in their trench ahaha i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts & experiences. it was a really hard day from start to finish but those did provide me some comfort and they still do even today. i keep reading through them to feel less bad

i also just did wanna ask what might seem like a stupid common sense question but like. do you think people will understand if i slow down a lot today? cos honestly my anxiety is still really bad and at this point i feel like my trench is literally triggering me lmao. i was fine during breakfast then as soon as i saw my trench i had to hold myself back from another panic attack lol :( but obviously i can’t just take today off or anything but i really do feel extremely incapacitated so i’m just moving so slow. and i keep needing to step away and breathe because i dont wanna break down again today.

i guess i just wanted to ask if you (or anyone else who wants to chime in) think that people will understand if i keep having to rest because of how bad im doing mentally? it’s easy to look at someone who’s sick or injured and understand that they need to take frequent breaks but my anxiety is all invisible and i’m worried they’ll think i’m just freeloading

I am so, so glad to hear that everything everyone said on that post was about to help you.

The answer to this question really varies depending on who your supervisor is. I've had the privilege to work under supervisors who would absolutely understand, and I've worked with some that would've been less receptive.

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and I think you should ask to take a step back if you need it. While results my vary, I think on the whole archaeologists are pretty chill about stuff like this.

Don't hesitate to advocate for yourself. You don't need to give them all the details about why you need a mental health break if you don't want to. Just say something like "hey working in the trench is causing me a lot of anxiety right now, and I need to take a step back for a day to regroup."

If you can, offer to do something else that's a little less intensive/triggering. Volunteer to take notes/photos, to work the screens or label bags. There are tons of other things to do besides digging, and you can still make a valuable contribution even if you're not working in the literal trenches.

You've got this.

-Reid

#he speaks #archaeology #archaeology advice #life advice #internet brother

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ebdanon · 10 months ago

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ask pt 2 slight trigger warning for deaths (yes multiple): my husband was being treated like a little kid, in some instances my fil went into the doc appointment and started talking to the doc himself like parents do to small kids. it was insane. so we schedule an appointment with an infectious disease specialist at the most expensive hospital in the country, with a doctor my aunt knows and trusts, because she said she didnt want to drop us with unreliable care, and this way, we could get a recommendation to the right hospital wing. we saw that doctor, who parroted what my aunt and that one other doc said about seeing a specialist in the gastrointestinal wing, and made the recommendation. it was a few weeks away. now, what you need to know is this is private healthcare, which is super expensive, and all the best doctors that are left in the country work there (less stress higher pay after the pandemic shitstorm), unless they made like my aunt and moved abroad for an even better quality of life. she said if we continue being stuck in this situation, we should get on a plane and go to her, she would make sure he gets the right docs and exams in 48 hours as is the law there (she lives in a country 2h away by plane).

i dont want to go into all the symptoms because those were a whole different kind of scary to see him experience and not know why. and finally, we got an appointment with the right doc, who sees my husband and immediately orders the exams my aunt has been saying he should get for the last two months. they're scheduled a couple of weeks after that appointment (because prep time is mandatory) and are definitely pricey but it's not a big deal because having a freelance salary (me) in a low cost of living country means we can afford it. we also have plenty saved up. he had to do the exam under anesthesia bc they had to take a sample from his gut for further testing just in case, and when he woke up, he started speaking in english instead of our native language. it was the funniest thing that had happened in months, and like andrea after taylor's lasik, i filmed a part of it lmao he kept asking the nurse for some of the meds to take home because those 30min he was out were the best sleep he had in months (the symptoms kept him up) and she was like that's impossible you cant have this outside the hospital, it's what got michael jackson kileld, and my husband went "mj was a smart guy to ask for strong stuff like this" lmaoooo (its true btw its on mj's wiki) and then when his head cleared the doc came in, explained his diagnosis, prescribed meds to ease everything. he has to take them continuously until he starts doing at least a bit better, and he can get checkups with that doc any time. at that point, my client had missed one invoice but i didn't give it much thought with all the other chaos, and it sometimes slipped his mind but he always made sure there wasnt anything too overdue. and then he missed another invoice. and the meds were expensive. my husband also started a limited diet, another expense on top, to check what food triggers symptoms.

we went to our hometown for the easter holidays, armed with the new diagnosis and meds, and diet. stayed with the in laws where my mil did all the cooking. the shit talking continued, now, including my parents - all they care about is themselves, they never called my mil to ask how her son is doing (like i said, treated like a kid, they called me every day to ask for updates as they were worried), all they do is waste money on traveling. now some backstory on that last bit- when they were young, my parents wanted to leave this country, but they never got an opportunity to do so, and instead of mourning that, they figured the next best way to get away is travel. they take trips at least one weekend and each month. even if it's just out of town. both their kids are grown up with their own incomes, they have the ability to spend on that instead of their kids, even though we took at least one vacation abroad per year when i was young. they just love to travel and can finally do it more than ever. idk how my mil feels about traveling, she doesnt generally broach the subject unless its to talk shit about my parents or my fil's brother and his wife who also travel frequently. thats the woman my mil accuses of being a witch lmao. my mil took care of her aging and ill parents for the last decade or so so she hasn't even gone out of town for more than a few hours in that time. and take care in the sense of administer meds to her mom because "she's the medical expert" as we've covered. her dad had a complex issue that she looked after but that was two decades ago when it started, it stabilized in the last decade before he passed. and that meant taking him to appointments, giving food and meds according to schedule. i never met him because he was in hospice when my husband and i started dating. anyway, my mil kept going off about how she was the only one who cared and that's because my husband made her suffer through labor for hours. weird logic there but okay. she went on about how the doctors were all wrong and how she knows best and she's gonna make sure he gets better during the holidays while we're there. instead of boiling his food, she started baking it, but it didnt seem to be doing too much good. when we went back home, i asked her about the baked recipes and she told me all the ingredients. but she added a couple of things that were strictly forbidden according to the doc. and i told her. and she said "well ive been adding them the whole time and he seems to be handling them well". i hung up and immediately told my husband, and all the symptoms still being present suddenly made sense. she was practically poisoning him because shes the expert that knows best. i was pissed, but he told me he'd take care of it and i should let it go.

a few weeks later my fil's mother passed away. she had been suffering with health issues for the last couple of months, begging both her sons to take her to get them checked out, which they both ignored. she and her husband lived with the other son and his family. the sons took her to doctors when she couldn't stand on her feet anymore which was too late. thats when i got to hear my mil scream about how shitty that family treated her the entire time she's known them, when i learned her sister in law is a witch, their horrible treatment of everyone (my husbands family lived in that house too, its common here for brothers to live with their parents and bring their wives in the house, people stopped doing that only in the last few years, but my husband's family had to move out after family drama) and more. idk this woman was basically cursing out her husband for the family he came from and blaming him for it. we went back in town for the funeral so i got to hear all this in person.

a couple of weeks later, my sister in law with her family were coming in town (they live abroad, a town over from my aunt actually) for a week so we went to our home town to see them. on the drive there, we came across a traffic accident between a bike and a van, that ended tragically. ill spare you the details of what i saw. a few hours later i got a call from my best friend. turns out the person that passed away in it was her long term boyfriend, he was coming in town for a conference. they were making wedding plans. picking out home decor. what do you mean?! thats when i wrote 2023 off as the worst year and it wasnt even halfway done. forgot to mention, my other best friend was going through a divorce at the time. she lives halfway across the world but we make sure to give each other the big life events even if we dont talk regularly. it felt like everyone i cared about was suddenly suffering and the only thing i could do was offer support. i couldn't even be properly there for anyone else but my husband. summer came, my husband and i were barely functioning, between his symptoms, his family, and a terrible tragedy (my husband and my bff's boyfriend had been childhood friends). the summer turned worse as my client kept missing payments and ghosting me. family members kept asking to borrow money to make ends meet because they know we're fine and we can't really say no. with the bank account running on fumes, we spent august in our hometown to save up on daily expenses by staying with my in laws. my sister in law and her family were in town again and for a couple of weeks there before my niece started kindergarten, and things were a bit peaceful. except it was all a front, because my mil cant shit talk in front of her son in law.

we went back home at the end of the month, to an apartment infested with cockroaches. appliances started breaking down. i mentioned this bit of the story in another ask i think? it was 8 months of constant hell and without the option to look for another apartment because of missed payments and the plan to move abroad as soon as possible (we were already looking for jobs), we figured we could move with my in laws. that way, we could get everything we own in their huge house which definitely has space, and once we move abroad they can ship all the stuff to us. my parents cant do that because they live in an apartment, not a lot of room there. this is a three story house, with a yard and a big brick shed on top, housing two people. over 3000 sqft of space. my husband asked if it was possible, they said of course, this is your home, you're always welcome to live here.

im gonna break up this story in yet another ask

once again i am deeply terrified of where this is going

also im so sorry for your loss thats terrible :(

#asks #lore anon #you did mention the apartment stuff btw!!!

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montyxtrike · 2 years ago

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as i mentioned in a post before i think, i have a friend who has some struggles with eating and body image and stuff. and i think i accidentally triggered her today, i feel horrible. i shouldve known it would trigger her too, im not usually that stupid. as i said in the post before i love running and have been running alot lately and also especially today. i was very proud of myself earlier because i beat my record in how fast could run a kilometer, and i told her about it, and i wrote about how much i loved running, but i was just so proud of myself i wanted to tell her about it, u know? anyways, and then later when i went on my evening run i sent a video to the groupchat while running, and obviously she saw it and realised i was out running again. when she asked me if i was running again i told her yes but then i also said a few voice messages just explaining that theres nothing disorder-y going on and nothing to worry about just incase she was worried about how much i was going out running, cause i realise it might seem like im going it to loose weight or something from her perspective since she thinks alot about that stuff. but then her vibe totally changed and i asked her what i did and she said she got triggered. i dont know from what part, if it was jsut because i was running, or if it was when i explained there wasnt anything to worry about, or if it was just the whole situation all together, but she got triggered. i dont really know what to do now, i feel so bad becasue i shouldve known better, i shouldve kept it secret and just not used snapchat on my run and snapped her later when i got back home, that probably would have been a way more efficient option, but done is done. i dont know what to do since i dont really feel like i should be apologizing either. i was proud of myself and wanted to share that, and then i snapped the groupchat while running because i was in the mood for going on a run but still wanted to answer my friends, and then i tried to make sure she wouldnt worry so i explained nothing was wrong. i didnt really DO anything wrong, but i still made her feel bad, and that totally sucks because i want her to be happy becasue shes my best friend and she deserves to never feel bad, and knowing that i was the reason for it? that feels horrible, but at the same time i cant apologize for it because i didnt do anything wrong. AHH.

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woolywoofs · 2 years ago

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I wanted to post a little update. And ask for a little help, again (paypal posted below, please dont feel pressured! you and your needs come first always).

Moppa and I are still grieving Skvetta, but we are managing now. She can be left alone now without panicking and she no longer searched for her in the yard.

I had my tonsils taken out last friday, on my birthday lol. Surgery itself went well, but beforehand did not. My IV infiltrated and all of the meds to calm me down and put me to sleep just went into my soft tissue. It was extremely painful and I started to have a panic attack on the table because of it + the oxygen mask makes me feel like im suffocating (i know it doesnt make sense haha). All hands on deck after that and I had 3 people on me at once sticking me trying to get IVs in me but my veins just kept breaking. It was actual hell and felt like forever.

Recovery has been a hot mess honestly. The first 3 days were fine and since then its been reaaal bad. The ear, throat and tongue pain is unreal. I am drugged out of my mind because pain/stress is a huge seizure trigger for me, but at this point it is not really working. I did have 1 bad seizure, to a point where i had broken capillaries in my face. But thankfully it didnt create any issues with my surgery recovery. Im hoping things will start improving soon.

Generally my epilepsy has fucked up a lot. My short term memory is messed up and I have lost some skill sets after the bad seizures. I have been re-learning how to draw and paint! It is a very tedious process but i really feel like im making progress.

My autoimmune disease has been lowkey out of control and I saw my rheumo and I am going back on a low dose chemo drug. It really did help last time, it just made me so sick. But we will be looking into every option to control my nausea etc! So im trying to be hopeful. Ill start once im completely healed from my tonsillectomy, since the meds make you more likely to get infections and slows healing.

My uterus has also been absolutely fucked, once again. We were really hoping that removing the mass, scraping my uterus and putting the IUD would stop the bleeding, and it did, for 6 months. But im having issues again and I saw a specialist and we decided that the only option left for me is a hysterectomy. There is a year long wait though. This wasnt exactly on my list of things to do at 27.. but i suppose it is what it is.

Now for some good. Moppa is healthy and happy. She was attacked by a dog in september and got a bad gash but shes completely healed! She loves the fenced yard. We have been working on nosework stuff when im feeling okay enough for it! She is honestly such a light in the dark and I love her.

I get to renew my lease next year so i dont have to worry about housing!! Rent will be increasing bc inflation but im okay with swapping some meals with ramen to make things work, when I cant make extra money. I have been learning how to quilt!! My grandma does it a lot and i asked her to teach me so I am working on a project with her.

While things are generally a hot mess right now, i am mostly okay. And i feel like thats a big improvement for me, im not sure I would have handled all this a year ago. And im proud of myself.

With everything going on, I have obviously been unable to do commissions, or taking in dogsitting clients or anything i typically do to make money. If anyone is able to help, it is really appreciated. *This is my PayPal*, im afraid its my only way to receive anything. *any* amount helps. I really hope this is the last time i ever have to ask for anything. I feel like things are going to turn around now that we have solid plans to help with my health issues. The hope is that once my uterus is out and the low dose chemo has gotten my overall pain under control, that my epilepsy will chill out. It seems to be easily triggered via pain and hormones.

Thanks to anyone who had the patience to read this thing. I just havent posted an update in so long that there was a lot to say 😅 i am going to start being more active on here as ai really miss it. I will include the 2 art pieces I managed to make and finish. It took forever to figure everything out but im proud of myself. Quality may be a little destroyed bc tumblr likes to do that... i really hope i can offer commissions again soon. I might choose a person or two at random that donates and do a ghost commission like below for them? I can at least try. But youd have to message me on here after donating so i know who you are, i think i can attempt dog, cat or rabbit. But i cant promise anything.

I talked forever, im so sorry lol. Here is the paypal again because its definitely lost up there in the babble

Just to end this.. Has anyone here had a tonsillectomy as an adult and can tell me at what point it got better?

#personal babble #lord sorry for going off forever #my art

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stargazer-balladeer · 4 years ago

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Them reacting to walking in on their s/o self-harming [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Diluc Ragnvindr & Childe

Notes: i cried while making this- 😢 sorry if some makes no sense- hshsh- hope ya’ll like this.

Reader’s Gender: Neutral

Warning: trigger warning for self-harm and depressing stuff.

“... [Y/N]..?”

he honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do, whether or not to comfort you. Seeing you pressing a blade on your wrist, right where your vein is made Diluc freeze. His eyes were wide and blank, staring at the sight of blood pouring out of the freshly-made cuts on your arm and on the pristine white floor. How was he supposed to react to that?

When he finally caught up with his mind, his first instinct is to remove the blade in your hands. He won’t say anything as he gently tries to comfort you by placing his other hand on your cheeks and rubbing it with his thumb. When you stare at his ruby-red eyes, you can see all of the emotions inside them, afterall the eyes are the windows to the soul, right? You can see sadness, shock, disappointment, anger and confusion all jumbled together. It was a mess, he was a mess and so are you.

You couldn’t help but cry in front of him, spouting out apologies after apologies. You couldn’t even understand what you’re trying to say, all you know is that you’re talking nonsense. Diluc stares at you sadly as he shush you gently, he doesn’t need your apologies, he just needs to bandage your wounds.

As he starts to treat your wounds, he notices some old ones as well, scars from your previous attempts. The mere thought of you suffering way before he met you made him wished he met you sooner to prevent this, but alas, even now when both of you are dating, he couldn’t tell you were aching inside. A failure of a boyfriend, he thinks. He didn’t realize how broken you are, despite all of your smiles and laughs, he should’ve seen the hint of sadness behind your smiles. He didn’t realize how you wore thick and long clothing, even on hottest days. Mentally cursing himself as frustrated tears began building up in his eyes.

“Why...? Why didn’t you tell me about this..? Don’t... don’t you trust me..?” Diluc’s voice soft yet so broken, his voice breaking up a few times with how much emotions he’s feeling in the moment. He was lost again, what can he do to make you feel better? Why didn’t you tell him that you’re going through so much pain? Don’t you trust him at all? Tears began leaking out of his eyes at the thought, you also crying at his question, mouth spewing out more apologies. But Diluc doesn’t want your apologies, he’s just wondering why would you do that to yourself?

When you explain to him the reason, Diluc wouldn’t utter another word as he just hugs you after dressing your wounds and bandaging it. His face on the crook of your neck as he sniffles, tears long dried. His hold around you is tight yet not so much, as if afraid that he’ll break you if he holds you too tight. In his eyes, you were fragile like a glass wine. He takes a deep breath, pulling away, putting your foreheads together and staring straight into your eyes filled with love-

“First of, I’m sorry for not being able to see through your smiles and see the pain behind them. I’m sorry for not being there when you’re at your lowest. I’m really sorry that you went through all that. I-.. I can’t erase all your pain and worry. But I can try. Lean on me, trust me, I’ll take care of you, your heart, your soul and your trust. Let me feel your pain and worries, let me in your heart. I promise I’ll try my best to ease the voices of your mind. Because I love you, and I’ll prove it to you over and over again. Don’t ever question my love for you.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You can feel it, his eyes bore through your skull as you held the blade close to your chest, about to plunge it inside you. You can feel the heat his eyes are giving you, silently commanding you to put down the blade. Near the doorway, there he stood with crossed arms and narrowed eyes. The mirror reflecting his figure perfectly behind you, your hands started to shake, the blade slipping out of your grasp and onto the tiled floor.

Childe stares at the blade before turning his attention to you, his gaze sharp and his usual coy smile-smirk in a frown, almost a scowl. His bangs covering his eyes slightly, making his blue eyes glow and effectively making him look scary. You can tell that he’s angry, not at you but at what you did.

Mentally, he wished he didn’t witness what he just saw. He wished he could turn back time. But nothing can change what he saw. Why? When? How? Who? So many questions filled his head. Childe knew, a long time ago before he started dating you, that you have scars, scars from your previous self-harming. He thought you stopped. But it seems like his own judgement failed him, he now sees his mistake. He didn’t confront you about it. Now, he suffers the consequence on almost losing you.

He sighed as he starts to walk towards you, his hand reaching out to you. Instinctively, you flinched. His hand stopped before slowly wrapping around your neck, the other wrapping around your waist, hugging you from behind as he kisses your temples. If you look closely, his eyes are glassy. His heart thumping widely in his chest, you could almost hear and feel it, but this thumping isn’t what he wanted to feel. The pit of worry and fear deep in his guts made him anxious and even more scared. His hands began visibly shaking a little, as he chokes back a sob. Since when did he let his guard down? Doesn’t matter as he cries. His thumb rubbing your shoulder part and the other thumb rubbing your waist.

Hearing him struggle to contain his tears, you slowly started to cry as you spew out apologies after apologies. Your hands covering your eyes as you sob your eyes out. He could feel his heart break at the sound of your cries, his arms around you tightened as he squeezed his eyes shut. He shushes you gently as he lets out words that are incoherent and almost random. His mind jumbled so he couldn’t really think straight as he just spews out whatever comes out of his mouth- “hey, you’re okay, right?” “dont cry shhh” “zhongli would kill me if he sees you crying” “he might make me eat with chopsticks for the rest of my life” “I’m a fatui harbinger, the eleventh of the ranks, so why am I crying so pitifully here-“ (yeah,, even i couldn’t understand what he’s trying to say here-)

Childe would stay like that before letting you go and picking you up, bridal-style and bringing you to the bedroom. He lets you sit on edge of the bed before going back to the bathroom. After throwing the blade away (mentally taking note to hide all the knives from your sight-), he came back with a first-aid kit and started cleaning the wounds you inflict on the arms. Yes, you have wounds in your arms, which honestly scared him a little.

He doesn’t speak, neither did you. Silence surrounded you two as he continued to dress your wounds, eyes eyeing the previous scars. He can feel his heart dropping even more when he sees more scars in your thighs and such. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he bandages your arms. After he did all that, you were about to explain to him and apologize when he pulled you in a tight hug. His left hand behind your head and the other around your back, squeezing you slightly.

“I won’t ask why you did that, but I want to know who. Who did this to you? Was it your parents? Was it the people around you? Was it.. me? or... was it... yourself..?” Childe shakily lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry for not helping you through it when its my responsibility as your partner. I’m sorry for not talking you through it when I already knew it from the start and when I see the signs. I won’t promise that I’ll be able to take away all of your pain. But you can lean on me right? I might be a Fatui Harbinger, might’ve killed plenty of people and might’ve started a couple of fights, but I am your lover first and foremost. Above all else, your happiness and safety is what I cater the most. Well, you know, except for my family because well.. their my family. Anyways the point is, lean on me, believe me when I say that I’ll love and take care of you. Through the rest of our years, I’ll be your stone, I’ll be your shield, I’ll be your everything. Tell me all your worries and woes, I’ll listen to every thing. I do love and adore you, my [Y/N].”

[x] Main Page

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact diluc x reader #diluc #diluc x reader #diluc ragvindr #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin impact childe #genshin impact childe x reader #childe #childe x reader #self req❣️

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poppywrites41 · 4 years ago

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Captive Love Chapter 1

Prince!Yoongi x Maid!Reader

AN: this MIGHT turn into an ot7 fic. honestly depends on my mood, i dont rlly have a plan for this so it might not even be completed itself. Here is the first chapter for it. lmk what y’all think!!

If y’all like it, i will keep posting, but I will be busy until May with university assignments.

WARNING: Implied death, cursing, sexual references. There will be more smut and violence to come in future chapters. If anyone is triggered by smut, non-con, death or violence, DO NOT INTERACT ANY FURTHER IN THIS BOOK.

The man watched with cold eyes as the young female body fell from his hold to the floor with a thud. He kneeled down and places his hand on her neck to check for a pulse. When he found no signs of life, he sighed in annoyance, “Fuck...I didn’t even get to try her out yet.” What was her name again? He didn’t know. Well, he didn’t really care. If he is feeling frustrated, there is usually one in his vicinity doing her chores where he can just grab them and do as he pleases. They don’t fight and he likes that, but it has started to get boring. This girl was different. She was probably new and didn’t know what to do, so she had a tiny bit of fight to her. But, she apparently didn’t know how to clean his desk properly, so she got herself a little too hard of a squeeze to the neck.

The prince huffed and went down the hall to let the guards know to remove the body that was in his chambers. They immediately took action, rushing with haste to remove the inconvenience from their majesty’s room. The man walked into the banquet hall where his parents and 6 brothers were eating their dinner.

“Yoongi my daring!” his mother called him over to her, taking his hand, “you must try the elk! Jungkook killed it today and it’s the biggest one anyone has ever shot! It is absolutely delicious!” Yoongi looked over at his youngest brother who had two servant girls on either side of him, begging for his attention. It annoyed Yoongi that Jungkook could just bat an eyelash and would have 5 women at his feet ready to suck his cock. Why the fuck was he so popular? “Nice kill.” he said to the youngest as he sat down next to his second younger brother, Namjoon. Namjoon was one of the brothers he tolerated well. He was a smart man and handsome at that. If he had been born first, he would have been a good king. He also had good luck when it came to fucking.

“Mother,” Yoongi said as he was served a piece of elk with roasted vegetables, “I need a new bedchamber maid.” His mother sighed, “Did you dispose of another one already?! Didn’t she just start last week? Yoongi, this is the 4th one in the past month and a half!” “She couldn’t do her job properly. I did what I had to.” The second eldest prince huffed.

“Mother,” Jimin, the third youngest spoke up, “where are you finding these women? What’s their status?” “I think this last batch came from Hearthfield. A few of the girls were daughters of the noblemen whom we paid handsomely for.” she recalled. Jimin laughed, “That’s your problem! You’ve been getting girls who don’t do that stuff. You need to go to Seaport to find the best girls. That’s were I get my bedchamber maids from. They know how to work, and they know how to properly serve a man.” The queen smiled warmly at her third youngest, “Thank you Jimin. Yoongi, I will send out the guards to Seaport to find more women to work at the castle. You may come down to the courtyard and inspect them. Though you may not pick yet, for they need to be trained.” “Thank you mother,” Yoongi said as he dug into his meal.

“Y/N!” an older male voice called to the girl staring at the sea, “Go help your brother with the crab traps. Remember, females with eggs-“ “get thrown back, males as big as the palm can stay. Got it!” the young girl finished for him, jogging along the dirt path to their dock.

Y/N and her family are fishermen. Well, her stepfather and stepbrother are. Her mother passed away 3 years ago when she was 18 and she never really could recall her own father. Her stepfather wasn’t a bad person. He treated her like a human being, but there was always a wall that she felt he put up around himself. She and her stepbrother tolerated each other when it came to working. He wasn’t the worst person in the world, but he always made it known that he was superior to her. Sometimes she felt like she didn’t belong in her own home, but she enjoys working by the sea. She walked onto the dock where her stepbrother was already going through one of their crab traps. “Hey,” he said, not looking up at her, “you know what to do. Better go fast so we make it back before dark.” Y/N nodded and went to the next crab trap, opening it up and sorting their catch. The sun had begun to set when they finished. Y/N and her stepbrother loaded the wagon with buckets of crab. Her brother got on and started the horse towards the village where the best crabs will be picked to be taken to the royal family. “You go on back. I’ll take them.” her stepbrother said. She nodded and began walking back home. Y/N never thought much of the royal family other than being jealous that they get the best of what they caught. She sometimes wonders what they are like. As she walks back, she closes her eyes and feels the sea wind on her face. She can practically taste the salt in the wind. She’s happy here. She doesn’t need to worry about some royal family. Her life is good.

When Y/N was finally able to spot her home, she saw a group of men in armor with horses in front of her home, conversing with her step dad. She thinks nothing of it and continues her walk. She then notices the head guard hand over a sack of what looked like money to her stepfather. Y/N got excited thinking that maybe the royals were paying their subjects extra money for their good food and ran toward her stepfather. When she arrived, all of the men looked at her. “Is this her?” the guard asked her stepfather. “Yes sir,” he replied, “she does not have much to pack that she would really need there, so she is ready to go whenever.” Y/N looked at her stepfather in confusion, “Where am I going? What do I need to get?” Before he could answer, the guard spoke, “The king and queen sent us out to find young women to serve them in the castle. We seem to have had a drop in servants recently and are paying families to hand over their daughters.” “But you surly must have enough!” she said, sending a pleading look to her father, “we are happy here! I wouldn’t be much help! I only know how to fish!” “Y/N!” her stepfather’s voice increased, “You must go. We have barely had enough money to feed three mouths since your mother died. She would have agreed to this.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her family was giving her up? After all she had done for them? Tears began to well up in her eyes. The guard was the next to speak, “I will give you three minutes. Grab what you can carry, come back out and get into the wagon. We leave for the castle.” Y/N barley nodded and slowly walked into her home to her room. She got a small crossbody satchel and put her small stuffed bear her mom made her in it, her favorite shell and her notebook. She found her mom’s necklace and put it on. It was a simple necklace; a silver pendant that had the words “my love for you is as great as the sea” etched into it. When she came out, her brother had just returned. She looked at him and he avoided her gaze which broke her heart. “Come girl,” the captain said, “We haven’t got all day. We must return this evening.” Y/N nodded and followed his horse to the wagon. When she hopped on, there were only 6 other women. They were very pretty so she felt left out. Granted, Y/N didn’t really have the luxury of having a mirror so she never really knew if she was pretty, not that she cared anyways. She looked back at her home as it slowly disappeared from view, already missing her life on the sea. After what seemed to be a few hours, the group arrived at the gate of a great stone castle. Y/N thought the castle came straight from a fairy tale book.

The wagon was brought into the courtyard where there was an older woman waiting. The girls were lined up in front of her. She walked down the line of young girls, inspecting them. She sighed and turned around to face them all. “Welcome, ladies, to the castle of Bangtan. My name is Lilith and I am your head maid. You all have been chosen to be servants of the royal family. These duties include cleaning the interior of castle, serving food to the royal family at meals or guests during balls, doing their laundry or fetching anything they ask for. There are a few rules you MUST follow; NEVER look a royal in the eye unless told to by one, NEVER speak informally to a royal, only speak when spoken to and NEVER refuse service to a royal. Do what you are told and life will be easy. Now, your training will begin at 7 AM, I will take you to your quarters. I will show you where to meet me in the morning. Come along and do not fall behind.” The girls looked at each other in confusion as they followed the head maid into the castle. Y/N felt someone staring at her but when she looked back, she saw nothing. She quickly followed the group into the doors so that she won’t be left behind.

“So my darling,” the queen said to her second oldest son, “what do you think?” Yoongi huffed as he watched the girl with h/c hair rush to catch up to the group. “She looks like work,” the queen sighed, “hopefully she will last longer than the one who was disposed of three days after arriving.” Yoongi on the other hand was intrigued by the young girl. He couldn’t get a good look at her face, but her posture was different from the other girls. They were making themselves small while she stood tall. She seemed strong, like she had some fight in her. Yoongi is intrigued by that. The queen could see the wheels turning in his head, “Has one already caught your attention my dear?” “There is one that is particularly interesting,” he said folding his arms, “but we will have to see.” “Do not mess with them immediately,” the queen warned, “they need to train and get used to their new environment. Give them a week.” With that she pressed a kiss to his cheek and walked back inside. Yoongi went back to his room and lay down on his bed. He couldn’t get that h/c out of his head. He knew he was not supposed to interact with the new servants until they are properly trained, but what’s training without an actual royal? A smirk played on the prince’s lips as he thought about the next day until he fell asleep.

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