#saw another post about this and thought id add some thoughts

[candyskiez]

Thinks about how Jinx struggles with hallucinations and in the very first scene of the show, the same scribbles used to indicate hallucinations are over the enforcers. Thinks about how Powder doesn't blink at Ekko throwing shit at her or feeling like nothings real until he says shit about Vi. "Feels like I woke up in the wrong universe" which is exactly what delusions feel like for me sometimes. Do you think she thought he was having one? Everyone is so so patient with Ekko that episode. Maybe they're used to it from being around Powder and know how to handle it. I mean delusions where nobody feels real aren't uncommon by any means, there's a solid chance Powders had to ask if they're real many many times. And Ekko was probably pretty fucked up by Vis death and the enforcers, so him lashing out hugely or seeming not to recognize anyone wouldn't be "wow wheres that coming from", he's a guy who has life altering trauma of course he's gonna have days where he's not acting like himself. Anyways check out how hard I can cry.

[jolalibrary]

the yearly round up

so, i am not someone who tends to toot their own horn a lot, but i thought i could be forgiven since it's my birthday. if there were a party, i'd maybe give a speech, right? so, instead of talking about myself, i thought id talk about my work and some of my fave things I've written this year and a little bit as to why. for this list, i have not included late night texts purely because i gave it a lot of love on my last secret birthday. and equally, as do me yourself comes to a close during this one, i feel it's having such a hot moment in the sun, i didn't want to bore everyone. also because if you ask me anything about dmy i won't shut the fuck up. to ask anything about these just add an 🍊.

anytime javier p x f!reader

best friends who go to a wedding only to realise they're in love? sounds like jo. this story fell out of me upon seeing a moodboard by /wildemaven and god i love them. i think about them so often and it makes me want to write him like this again. just fun, easy. it helped me find my nerve to tackle him again after a break when LNT finished, so it was nice to hang with him again.

in my room javier p x f!reader

this idea lived in my head for so long, it went through so many variations until we landed on this. i loved writing it because i hadn't written him like this, and how closed off they both were was so much fun. not having a resolved ending was tough to, but it was also really nice?

i like the way you frankie m x f!reader

would it even be a list if i don't include this? it's a work that on the surface might just feel like a lot of fun. and it is, for sure. but also this fic really taught me a lot and helped create a new relationship with sex. i won't bore or dwell on sad things, but even with therapy, a solid and healthy relationship, this fic helped heal some lasting wounds with my relationship with sex. all through the eyes of two friends who were just trying not to confess they loved one another. so very jo.

up sky, low high frankie m x f!reader

im not sure why this man makes me write some incredible smut (IMO, ofc) but he does??? this one wouldn't exist without @morallyinept urging me on, because honestly i wouldn't have had the guts without her convincing me. but, god i think about this fic a lot? i write a lot of lovely romance, but the romance in this with the smut? i never EVER thought id find that balance. and i did, have, yay!

be good, be you joel miller x f!reader

never in a million years did i think this would have been so popular. and that's not why it's on this list. it's on this list because i lived with this fic for weeks. every bit of rain the UK we had, i thought of this. anyone who knows me, knows how much i love bill + frank joel, so this was like giving into an idea that i thought would only live in my head. and now, it's there, and I'm not ashamed to say i re-read it a lot.

meet you once, saw you thrice lucien flores x f!reader

who'd have thought this would make this list? not me. but it has, and god. i really tested myself with this one. creating him was days of churning over interviews of other actors, of finding who he is in the centre of fucking nothing. and then pouring my heart into it for lovely @pedgito and god am i grateful that's the moodboard i was given. i was terrified (ali will attest) but now i am so proud of it. i love it, and him. I'm almost terrified now to see the movie and watch this version die and wilt hahaha.

din and the travelling of planets din djarin x f!reader

not a one shot, but a collection, because i spent longer trying to choose than i did dwelling on choosing the rest and writing this post. i never thought id step back into star wars, but i'm so glad i did. din and his girl, seeing different planets together, letting us see the world through her eyes. there's a lot of my writing I'm proud of, but I'm most proud of the lines in this. because i get to describe in a way where i don't feel its redundant. because we're seeing it at the same time as she is. i also have so much fun each time i get to write him, and that, makes me happy.

[firefly--bright]

unplanned (unruled).

jean kirstein x reader!

summary ; jean liked to plan things out, and you liked to make rules. maybe you stray jeans plans away and maybe jean doesnt follow your rules.

warnings ; mentions of character death (marco), grief.

a/n ; something canon-compliant for ONCE lmao. i dont really know if i like this one as much as i like some of my other fics, but it was raining and i just. had to write something or else id perish.

taglist ; @holding-infinity-and-a-book , @mrsnobodynobody , @hopeless-anti-romantic , @jeanscremebrulee , @berrijam , @happxme , @cherrypieyourface , @imgayandshesanime , @moonmalice , @kivernova , @potaho3frog , @xakilicious , @katestrophes .

masterlist is in pinned post! ✿ join my taglist ✿ requests are open!

Jean Kirstein liked to plan. Meticulously, people might say, and his friends definitely agreed that he was a bit of a perfectionist when it came to things. He always went into every situation with a clear-cut goal and a way to get there.

However, his plans didn’t like him.

It had happened one too many times. He planned to be a trainee, yes, but he never planned to join the survey corps. He planned to be alone, yes, but he never planned on people actually liking him. He planned on a small life in the interiors but with the way things were going, he didn’t think that that plan would come to any fruition. He had planned on his life going normally – on him not seeing death at every moment, on him not having to break the news to his dead best friend’s mother on the outskirts of the city, on him not having to mourn the deaths and betrayals of his comrades over and over and over again. So naturally, jean hated everything that led him astray of his plans, which meant he hated the rain, fevers, and, most of all, you.

“are you done brooding, or do I have to hit you over the head like last time?” you asked, perching yourself beside him without permission, entering jean’s space as you had done time and time again. He was sitting on some rocks near the newly discovered beach as the sun met the ocean gently and slowly, settling down into it’s sleep for the night. You could see the moon in the distance, covered by heavy clouds, and you knew it was going to rain just by the smell of the air. You also knew how much jean hated the rain, and how much he hated getting sick after it, and you also knew about the fact that he disliked you.

You didn’t know why – you always made a set of rules in your head for everyone, thick pages bound with strings, left unlabelled but you knew what it meant. You knew the but’s and why’s and how to’s and knew what to avoid, knew how to not overstep on whatever line you had made in your head. With sasha it meant never to take her food, with connie it meant never to touch the back of his neck because he was ticklish and his only defense was to grab and throw whatever was next to him straight at you. With armin you knew to not touch his books and notes without permission, with Mikasa you knew what not to pry out of her and with eren you knew to listen and not engage with him while he talked about his mother or got lost in thought. That was always mikasa’s field, you had learnt and noted in your book. But you never knew what you did wrong with jean, what rules you had to follow or what line you had to make. He just didn’t like you, for some reason you couldn’t pinpoint, and you wouldn’t let it affect you as much as it did if not for the fact that you kept seeing him.

With each time you were near your friends, you were also near him, and you couldn’t let yourself know someone without knowing them, selfishly, so you could write another line in your rulebook, but jean didn’t let you. you saw him everywhere and yet didn’t know which line to pull, which circle to add and which number he’d be on your page.

You watched as he rolled his eyes but shifted his arm a bit to make room for you on the other rock. “I wasn’t brooding.” He muttered, loud enough for you to hear. You scoffed with a smile, “yes you were. You were sitting at the bonfire like a kid who lost his favourite toy.”

“I was not,” he said, in no mood to tease you back. His mind whirred as did his heart and he tried not to let his hand mingle with yours as much as he wanted it to. He planned on sitting here until he saw the sun fully submerging into the water, even if the clouds were cloaking its move and the wind was picking up, making his hair ruffle against it.

The slight pause in the conversation concerned you. tilting your head, you asked, “what’s up?” in a tone that made jean shiver under his uniform’s coat. He shook his head, turning his face away from you, but it was you, so of course nothing would slip away from your mind, from your book. He didn’t plan on his heart skipping a beat as you laid your hand on top of his hesitantly, softly. They were a little cold, but warmed him up anyway. “come on,” you coaxed him, “I know we aren’t…. the best of friends. Walls, we don’t even like each other, but if you let your bad mood fester up, it’ll eventually burst out and hurt the people you love most.”

He snorted, “and you’re trying to fix it?”

“well you aren’t going to. May I remind you that the people you love are also my friends?” you replied, and jean stayed silent in the fact that you always seemed to have an answer to retaliate. you stayed silent in the fact that you didn’t know where the reply came from. You always spoke to your friends freely, but you were also always scared of accidentally stepping out of line. You stayed silent because jean wasn’t your friend, and there were no rules to follow with him like the chant you kept repeating to yourself when talking to everyone else.

and you kind of liked it.

He sighed, taking his other hand and dragging it down his face. “I miss him.”

He didn’t have to say his name for you to know. Marco was close to everyone in the 104th, but especially to you and jean despite the both of you having not spent too much time together. Jean would constantly hear about you through marco and you’d constantly hear about jean as well, but that’s where the similarities ended. Where you wanted to reach out to jean through marco after hearing so much about him, jean wanted to do the exact opposite. jean planned on not being your friend and he was persistent in keeping it that way.

“me too,” you confessed, going back to looking at the rapid waves crashing into the shore. Your pants were rolled up to your knees, your toes grazing the water. “you remember when you made him spill soup all over himself?”

That got him to smirk. “yeah, I was proud of that-“

“I wasn’t.”

“-I mean, I apologized, of course. But it was fun. We laughed so hard, I almost choked on my bread.”

You breathed out a laugh. “and then he complained to me about it.” There was a silence after that sentence, and usually you would wonder if you did something wrong or overstepped. But for some reason, with jean, you didn’t feel like you did, you didn’t break any rules or have to keep repeating that chant and you liked it.

and that scared you.

“do you regret not being there for him during his last moments?” he asked, exhaling. “I do.” He says.

You nod. “I do too. I don’t know what exactly happened or if I could’ve even stopped it, but if I was there atleast I’d have –“

“-been there. I know. Me too.” He completes. “we lost so many people,”

the way he says ‘we’ like youre a team and not two separate beings makes your heart warm, but you hum in sombre agreement, “and all for what?”

There’s yet another silence after that. There aren’t many moments in which you found yourself similar to jean; after all, you didn’t know him, but right now was rare even if it wasn’t known – you and jean silently surprised by how well you could read each other despite not knowing much at all. Jean hadn’t planned on having to share a space with you during the sunset, but here you were.

You weren’t following any rules when you decided to speak up, “he would’ve like this.”

Jean smirked. “what? Us talking?” you laughed. “no. I mean, yeah, that too, but he would’ve liked seeing the sunset on the beach.” You said.

“I was just thinking about that.” Jean said. He looked at you to find you already looking at him and this time jean didn’t think about his godforsaken plans when you asked him another question. You weren’t thinking of all the possible other safer things you could’ve said. “why don’t you like me?”

He blew air out of his mouth as if you’d asked him for a large favour, and you might as well have. Jean planned on not being your friend since the moment marco had started talking to him about you, animatedly, excitedly, adoringly just as marco had done about jean to you. jean had planned on subtly shooting down all of your peace offerings, jean had planned on you being stubborn about it because it was one of the many things marco told him about, and jean planned on not getting close to you because he knew he’d fall in love with you.

But here you were. Stubborn and hesitant and beautiful against the dying light of the setting sun and the cloudy, grey skies that went unnoticed by jean but not by you, slowly scooting closer to him, trying to find some heat against the slowly falling raindrops on your hair.

“I don’t… hate you,” he answered, also shifting closer to you until your shoulders were brushing. You snorted, “I didn’t think you hated me.”

“I just…I’m scared of… knowing you. when marco used to tell me about you, I kind of planned how you’d act towards me and I acted according to it, even though you didn’t do anything in reality, I guess?” he said. His hand that was under yours was still there, though fidgeting, and he waved his other hand around, trying to make sense of it to you. you didnt say anything and jean thought he’d messed up. You were an anomaly, a wrench in his plans and now he was freefalling without any support or scaffoldings.

and he liked it.

But then you laughed. “that’s stupid.” You said, continuing to laugh as you made yet another revelation – you wouldn’t say this to someone without regretting it. But here you were.

You could forget about that thick rulebook you had flipped through since you were little in order to not step on anyone’s feelings, in order to stay in your own safety net, but now you were freefalling and you liked it. Jean was an exception to your rules, refusing to follow any of the lines you had made for yourself, because it was stupid that he’d go into anything with a plan of how people would react, and it was stupid that you’d go into anything with rules and calculations of what they’d say.

You were both stupid. And jean realised it too after hearing you laugh, and he joined in your laughter as well. His hair was now completely drenched, as was yours, and he could feel you shivering beside him despite how warm you were making him.

Shrugging his coat off and placing it on your shoulders was something he hadn’t planned. You didn’t need to follow any rules as you accepted it and leaned against him as he supported you.

Jean was a terrible planner, and rules were only meant to be broken after following them for so long.

[clockwayswrites]

I saw that you had some very in depth organization methods when planning your fics. I am working on one now and realized how much I need something like that. Could you give an explanation and tips on how you organize your ideas?

Oh, sure! I can try my best.

For me, the desire to actually write it usually comes with a scene (or few scenes) I need to bring into existence. I don't care if it's the first scene or last or in the middle, I let myself write it! I know some people don't like writing out of order because they feel it's a 'waste' if they have to change it when they get there, but for me it's never a waste because it helped me find a mood!

I put those scenes down and then try to build a fic around them. If it's a short fic (>15K) I just start working. Medium to long I outline! I like to write the scenes I have and want out on cut up post it notes and this allows me to physically move things around, find the plot gaps, and write down the scene that I wan to go there!

(image id: post it notes cut into thirds with a scene summary written on each one. Some are grouped together as chapters and there are holes where I feel there needs to be more).

3. I take each of those scenes and make a placeholder file in my writing program! I use Scrivener so this is really easy to do because they have an outline function. Before I used scrivener, I would write them out in a doc and then also copy and past it around the parts I had written.

In Scrivener, I can also color code them and/or use the status to say if it's started, written, edited, etc! You could do this in another program by highlighting the outline different colors.

4. As you are writing, remember your outline might change! You might have scenes that no longer work (Ex lbfd I had a whole Tim & Danny bonding bit where Danny revealed he knew about the Bats I cut cause it seemed clunky) or you might need to add bits for a better flow! (Ex one chapter of lbfd split into three, but then other things got cut). And this is okay! Some things you can't know until it's written.

The more you do this the better you'll get! My first big fic (150+K) doubled in chapters and tripled in length! I needed a lot more time on the slow parts than I thought and added some things based on reader comments. For lbfd, even though things changed, chapter 22(?) was still chapter 22 when I got to it!

Hopefully this helps!

[stusbunker]

Spotless: Pizzicato

Chapter Nineteen

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela, Dean/Cas (unrequited)

Other characters: Miriam Talbot (OFC Bela's mother)

Word Count: 2567

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, putting out other people's fires, and old baggage, unbeta'd

A/N: Castiel and Trouble's friendship is something I didn't realize she had been missing until he was in front of her. There are a couple of big truth bombs in this chapter and I hope I handled them respectfully. This is an AU and it is not indicative of this author's feelings on canon or any other fandom shipping practices.

Series Masterlist

Posting on Dean’s instagram account was par for the course as the band’s publicist. You bothered to know what a hashtag was, for one. For another it also allowed you to check traffic on posts and actively moderate things to help the comment section look best for Dean’s image. Afterall, Dean trusted you, you weren’t going to leak anything or make him look like an idiot.

You were a goddamn professional and this wasn’t the hardest thing you’d done in the last year, but Jesus fuck were you pissed.

Dean hated tattoos. Really, he hated needles. He was black out drunk when he and Sam got their matching flaming pentagrams. He actually had a panic attack the next morning after realizing he let someone “sew ink” into his skin. By sheer force of will and through the bond of shared grief, you got him to go with you for Jo’s memorial tattoo on the tenth anniversary of her death. It was in your all-time top five ultimate Dean-Y/N memories.

And now it meant jack shit.

You edited and cropped the photos, sent two back to Bela to post on her account and then posted the lion’s share onto Dean’s, making him look like the diligent boyfriend while Bela was busy in the chair. You thanked Billie for taking care of “his girl” and made sure the shop was the location and tagged. You wanted to punch something, it looked so good. Then you sat back and let the interwebs do its job.

Okay, in actuality, you emailed about twenty different people, had a conference call with the tour management marketing team, scheduled radio station drop ins and followed up with Meg on the expected release of Dean’s photoshoot and interview. These days it may just end up online, but you hoped she was able to score him real physical print space.

It was just as you were winding down for the night, when your phone rang. It was past any reasonable business hours and you were already done with your skin care routine, but then you saw the caller id.

“Miriam! Hi!” You tried to sound pleasantly surprised.

“Don’t Miriam me, young lady. What is going on out there? Is it drugs? I thought we missed this stage when she quit acting for college. You’d tell me if this hoodlum was pressuring her into risky behavior wouldn’t you?”

Which was a lot to unpack right off the bat like that, luckily you had experience dealing with Bela’s mother.

“It’s just a tattoo. She’s not on drugs, I promise.”

“And what about this Dean? I knew they were seeing each other, but this seemed a bit more intimate— not exactly in the public eye.”

Oh, she was good.

“He’s not on drugs either. And—- he actually isn’t thrilled with tattoos. This might be all Bela, if I’m being honest.”

“Have you seen the things they’re saying? The things they’re calling her, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes and heaved yourself out of bed, you needed your laptop if you were going to continue this conversation rationally. 

“Let me look into it— what site were you on?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. Olivette, one of the boardmember’s wives, told me she read about it online during dinner.”

You inhaled deeply and started your usual rotation of sites, you’d have to add some new tags to follow Bela’s buzz more closely going forward. 

“And you’re sure this wasn’t just bad blood from Olivia? I’m not finding much besides general surprise.”

“It’s Olivette. And yes, I’m certain. She wouldn’t make me worry without a reason.”

And then you realized what you were missing, it wasn’t just People or TMZ you had to worry about. You went to Hello!’s twitter and you found what had Miriam Talbot’s friend in a huff. 

You started scanning the comments, gathering the most common complaints and judging their amount of influence via cursory glances. You did not know a lot of the news personalities or celebrity bloggers in the UK. You were going to have to meet with Bela and figure out a better approach going forward.

“Okay, Miriam, it’s almost eleven here. I know you probably called me as soon as you woke up, but consider me on the case. Alright? Bela’s fine and this is just a minor hiccup.”

“If you’re sure, Y/N, dear.”

You sighed. “Of course. I would warn you if there was anything to worry about. But please just let this run its course. You know how the tabloids are.”

“Unfortunately I do, that’s why I called. Please keep me updated if anything else comes up?”

“Will do. You have a good ni-day!”

“Goodnight dear— and thank you.”

You smiled at your lap. “Anytime.”

You let her hang up. Then you promptly pulled up your contacts list and warned Bela that her mother was sniffing about online and to call her at a decent hour. And finally, you spent the next four hours (or so) online until you had swam to the bottom of the cesspool and decided it wasn’t worth your time. At least not right then, not so exhausted.

Three days passed since the snobby UK gossip rags’ judgment rained down and, as expected, it had already just about fizzled out. You sat in a cafe with a quad shot flat white, waiting for your lunch date to arrive. Not truly a date, though it wasn’t a meeting either.

It was a diplomatic mission.

Then you spotted him and your stomach swooped, feeling the loss of his presence in your life all over again.

“Hey, Cas.” You stood and held your arms open for a hug, which he accepted with a timid smile.

“It’s good to see you, Trouble,” his gravelly voice murmured in your ear. He still smelled the same.

You pulled back and looked him in the eye, searching for anything but the sincere blue reality in front of you. He held no grudges, not with you, without even discussing it you knew he was still your friend. 

You then punched him squarely in the shoulder. “That’s for ghosting us all for the last nine months, assbutt!”

He grunted, and rolled his eyes. “I can accept that.”

“Good. Because I missed you. We all miss you.”

He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows in challenge.

“So— heard you have a kid, huh. That’s —- weird.”

Castiel exhaled and shook his head. “Who told you?”

“What? Nobody. I have eyes. And spend enough time online to draw some conclusions.”

“Kelly told you.”

“She didn’t have to. She’s amazing by the way— are you a thing now, now that you know he exists?”

Castiel looked affronted. “Me and Kelly? Oh, no. That was a teenage mistake. We were young. And we’ve both matured into vastly different people. But I respect her and I think— I hope I’ve earned her trust.”

“Tell me about him—- he’s what? Twenty-twenty one?”

“He’s twenty three and very talented. Kind, impossibly optimistic even.”

“Yikes, tough combo out here.”

“Tell me about it.”

You shared a look and he smiled at you like he knew what you were thinking about. Like you were reliving the same joke.

You blinked away the sting in your eyes.

“Go get your dark roast and get back over here, we’ve got things to discuss.”

His eyes softened, but Cas didn’t argue with you.

You sipped your drink and tried not to let all of the questions that had been building for months run away from you. He was back both too quickly and too slowly. You cleared your throat, the awkwardness you had been fighting back rushed to the surface.

“So— I presume there is more to you calling to get lunch. Not just asking about Jack and goading me about my latest tattoo?” Cas wasn’t one for small talk.

You nodded and swallowed around another perfect mouthful of milk and espresso.

Castiel’s face went through a journey when you didn’t quickly reply. “He doesn’t want to see me—- he made that quite clear.”

“And what about since everything?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know Dean’s called you. He might not have been big enough to actually apologize in a voicemail, but I know he wants to fix things— he misses you as his friend, too.”

“Then he should be able to suck up his pride and make the effort,” Cas snipped, the first sign of the lingering anger from his and Dean’s fight.

“I haven’t exactly seen much of your effort. Do you not want to fix things?--- And I’m not talking about coming back to the band— that ship has sailed. I’m talking about twenty years of friendships you just walked out on.”

Cas stared at his coffee, his eyebrow ring arched with his bitchy expression. He hated being corrected, you knew that. But this had gone on long enough.

“I’ve spoken with everyone but Dean,” Cas explained. “It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.”

“You never spoke to me,” you spat.

Cas’ eyes softened again. “I always knew where your loyalties lie, you took your time, too.”

“Wait— even SAM?!”

“Sam and I haven’t lost contact this whole time.”

You sucked in air. “Oh, he is so dead.”

“Y/N. It wasn’t like we were plotting or anything. He was worried about me, I was worried about Dean.”

“Yeah, but if Dean knew—”

“Ask Sam, but I don’t think he could hide anything from Dean if he wanted to.”

You knew he was right. Ever since Sam got sober, transparency had been something Sam put into his closest relationships anyway. Beside Dean being ruthless and stubborn, well, you supposed Cas was right. 

“Why do I feel like this band just doesn’t want me to be able to do my job?”

“Your position as group therapist is fairly tenuous. Especially with Pamela involved.”

“I meant my real job. If I had known you were on decent terms with, well, everyone but Dean, it would have made things a lot easier, young man.” You couldn’t help but smile now. Sure you were hurt, but the eggshells you had been stepping over for so long really only took up a single corner of the floor.

It was freeing.

“I never meant to cause you any distress.”

“That doesn’t make it go away, Cas.”

He bowed his head, but popped back up to meet your gaze. “I know. I apologize. I didn’t want you to think that I was done— with any of you.”

You pinched your eyes closed quickly and then reached over the table to squeeze his forearm. “Okay. So— you’ll come to Dean’s birthday party, then?”

Cas patted your hand with his left and sat back, breaking the contact and sat with the invitation for a heavy moment.

“What makes you think he’d want me there?”

You glared at him, all tattooed and handsome and absolutely clueless about how much his absence has affected Dean. Sure, Dean got to keep the band, but it wasn’t the same without Cas. Cas has had to start over entirely, become a dad and rebuild his career all without any of the support Dean has had around him through his own troubles.

“Look— I know you’re Mister Independent and I don’t want to set back any of the progress you’ve made without him needing you around. But he still looks for you whenever we all go out. And hanging out with Kevin, made it abundantly clear to him that you were available— you just weren’t interested.”

“Why do you always make it sound like we were an item?”

You rolled your eyes. “Look, we all know Dean has attachment issues. I’m not saying anything was kinky between you guys— that’s not my business. But, as friends, you guys deserve to at least get some answers— closure or forgiveness can come later, if you get there.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that to get me off your case?”

“Yes, really.”

You smirked and Cas’ smiled with his eyes, fidgeting his lip ring with his tongue.

Cas cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee before changing gears. “So, your friend Bela and, uh, Dean?”

You groaned and hid your eyes in your hand. When you looked up he was laughing at you.

“What?!”

“Stop— we both know what it’s all about.”

“Kevin seems to think Dean’s whipped.” Mischief continued to dance in Cas’ eyes.

“Well, it’s about time.”

“I told him, the only one who has had Dean whipped in over a decade is you.”

You choked on your spit, sputtering at Cas’ bluntness.

“They don’t know it’s for show do they?”

You inhaled deeply. “Sam knows. Dean and Bela have their own private agreement about it all. But, uh, yeah, you pretty much guessed right.”

Cas watched you thoughtfully, futzing with his lip ring with his top teeth now. 

“How are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m fine, why?”

Cas nudged your ankle under the table with his combat boot.

“As someone who was definitely in love with him for most of my life— I know the symptoms.”

You sighed and shivered at being seen and having your long held suspicions confirmed. You rubbed your upper arm, trying to fight the goosebumps. “I’m fine. Nothing has changed. He’s just been working on himself and that is— distracting.”

Cas hummed, head cocking to the side as if looking at you with a different angle would give him more insight.

“I mean it. He’s in therapy and everything. Sam and him are working out. He’s been insanely focused on the latest album—”

“He’s doing penance.”

“Maybe. But he wants to be better. It’s not just guilt. I don’t know how to explain it. But, you’ll see what I mean.”

Cas eyebrow popped up again.

“You will,” you insisted.

“You always were able to read me weren’t you?”

You chuckled at the back of your mouth, short and knowing. “Guess it comes with being stuck with each other for so long.”

“Shared trauma response,” Cas teased.

“Or that.”

You finished the last of your drink and looked around the cafe.

“So, where we going to eat? I think we’ve had enough heavy— sushi?”

“You buying?”

“Phantom Traveler is covering this as a business lunch.”

Cas stood and pushed in his chair. “Okay, well then, bring on the seafood.”

You stood and let Cas walk you outside, his hand on the small of your back until he could offer you his elbow on the sidewalk. You smiled up at him and pulled him tight to your side.

“I’m glad you’re back, Cas.”

“Well, we’ll see if everyone agrees with you, won’t we?”

The afternoon passed quickly, catching up and sharing memories that were now tinted with the grief of the last lost year. Things made more sense the longer you thought about how the band had been acting, especially way back at the Animal Shelter where Cas’ niece had been more than willing to put in her two cents. You texted Sam while you waited for your meals, warning him where you were and what you knew.

‘Have fun.’

His only response. Asshole.

But everything kept from you, kept from Dean, wouldn’t last forever. It couldn’t. Now you at least could control the narrative a bit more by being in on it all. Or most of it at least.

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

Chapter Twenty: Arpeggio

[mediocreanomaly]

Heya! Same patchwork anon here >:]

Im so glad you like the idea! And id definitely see Vash being so protective of it, but sir we need to clean that omg 😩

But i did wanna shoot another reply cause i had another thought (Its 3am, so its the perfect time for thoughts) but imagine instead of white solid thread for Nai's janky ass milk puzzle blanket, its instead stitched with colored thread to at least give it some more life :0

I do like the idea that Nai just keeps it hidden, but imagine Nai's mate finding it and wanting to improve on it more, so little by little theyve been hand-embroiddering stuff on each patch to give it more life, and Nai doesnt notice cause he doesnt really lay it out often, and one day he just has this urge to look at it again, maybe give it a chance and add it to the nest, afterall its the thought that counts right? but then he spreads it out and sees the different embroiderry, like hearts or flowers that Nai's mate saw in books~ Theres even an ongoing embroiderry that makes it clear that his mate has been stitching this behind his back lol

(okay thats all sorry for the ramble im just so weak for them huhu)

Authors Note: Oh my gosh??? I'm so sorry for being away everyone work is busy busy busy rn, gotta serve up some of my drafts fr...anyways! Patchwork anon strikes again! You know nesting hc's are my weakness I had to indulge, R.I.P. Knives milk puzzle.

In reference to both of these post: Nesting Hc's, Patchwork Anon

A Blanket of Many Colors, Knives x Reader

You run your fingers over the blanket you had gifted Nai, the patchwork of white making the blanket look more like a haphazard ghost costume rather than a gift you'd painstakingly sown together. You sigh, you didn't really blame Nai for hiding it away in fact you'd been a be relived when you found out your mate kept the scraggly piece of fabric at all. While the vision had been there the end result had ended up lack luster at best.

You groan, about to tuck it back away in its hiding spot for good when you pause over one of the squares. Although by itself it wasn't much...it'd be the perfect base for something else. You think of what you could fill the tiles with, you had more than enough colored thread to add a bit of life to it, you mull over a couple options before remembering the book of flowers Nai had shown you once, his expression had soften as he explained the differences between each species. Inspired, you quickly grab the blanket and march over to the large bookcase in the corner of Nai's room, running your fingers over the spines of the books trying to find the correct one.

"c'mon...it's gotta be here somewh- ah!" you say triumphantly, pulling out the book containing pictures hundreds of different flowers. You'd been amazed when Nai first showed you, plants like this didn't bloom on Gunsmoke, so the idea of their soft petals were all you had to go off of. You quickly flip through the book picking out one of the flowers and grab some red thread and a needle, ready to go to work.

Some where along the way this little practice had become routine for you. Every time Nai was away or you were bored you'd sneak over to the cabinet your mate had stored the blanket and add a small embroidery. Adding a different flower every time until the blanket was becoming a colorful tapestry of your own making. You weren't sure if Nai even knew what you were doing, if he did he didn't say anything about it. So you continued the harmless pass time figuring he had just forgotten about the gift to collect dust.

He hadn't. Nai was, admittedly, particular when it came to his nest and he knew it. He'd mull over the sheets over and over making sure they were the same shade of white and that they were both soft and large enough. When you had presented him with the hand made blanket...it wasn't that he didn't apricate a gift from his beloved mate, it's just that he cringed internally anytime he thought about it in his nest. He couldn't bring himself to throw away something made by your hands though, so he had stored it away for safe keeping, not wanting anyone else to get their filthy hands on something made specifically for him.

It wasn't until a couple months and one tedious day later that he found himself marching towards his quarters. His instincts where screaming to wind down and drag you into the nest with him but you were out in Ja'Lai, escorted by Legato. He huffs, thinking of grabbing some of your clothes to add to the nest for your scent but then grimaces at the idea of all that disorganized fabric against the white sheets and pillows. He pauses looking at the cabinet that contained the gift you had made all that time ago. Although he still bristles slightly at the idea of it sprawled out in his nest...maybe it's the thought that counts? No. Absolutely not. But he could at least drag it out for a little while, maybe it wasn't as bad as he remembered.

Nai opens the cabinet and reaches in for the blanket but when he pulls it out...his eyes go wide. He holds it up so that he had a better view of what he's seeing, flowers he had only seen as a child blossom against the white fabric painting a scene of an intricate garden that only his memories and dreams could recreate. Had his mate been doing this the whole time? He tilts his head and gently traces the patters of the petals and whining stems that adorns the blanket now, then...he glances up towards his nest.

"Nai? You you here?" you call walking towards your shared room. The others had informed you of your mates arrival while you were out in town and you were eager to welcome him with open arms. You pad in, cold floor beneath you feet. He must be curled up in the nest it's where he liked to recharge after being gone. You walk towards the bed where you know a heap of white blankets and pillows is waiting as you quietly peek in the room. Your mate is in the nest alright, but...instead of the usual stark white, a myriad of color litters the top. Your blanket, you realize, is now the main center piece of the nest, curled securely around your sleeping mate as he purrs in his sleep, plant marking glowing softly. It seems...he liked the gift after all.

[on-partiality]

Hi, I’ve been curious about Hercules Mulligan’s inclusion in the Rev Set ever since I have seen posts saying that one of the other aids like Meade and Tilgman or Tallmadge (if Herc was added solely for spy stuff) would have been a better choice. Id love to hear your thoughts on this.

Also, (terribly sorry if this insults any Mullette shippers) but do you know why people ship Mullette? (Correct me if I’m wrong) but these two have had zero historical relations. In addition, I don’t remember from the last time I saw musical but if you do, what was Laf and Herc’s relationship onstage?

So sorry about this super long ask. I just felt like you would be the best person to ask. Tysm and I hope you have a wonderful day!😊

Aw, this is such a cool question! And you're really nice, anon! I wish you the best! I would also like to make it very clear right now to anyone else who wants to send me a long ask. I love long asks. They give me more to ramble about!

When I was first getting into studying the real history behind the musical two years ago, this same thing confused me heaps. Mainly because we have no proof that Lafayette or Laurens ever even met Mulligan, let alone became good friends with him and he wasn't particularly close to Hamilton either for most of the war (I mean, in the continental army, he would've barely seen Hamilton, and the other aides would have been around him all day). Hamilton lived with him when he was in college, and they got along really well, had fun late-night conversations, just overall were great friends who influenced eachother in positive ways and Mulligan's chats with him definitely made young Hamilton more enthusiastic about the revolutionary cause. Additionally, Hercules Mulligan was part of his artillery company, The Hearts Of Oak or the Corsicans - Mulligan's the whole reason why we know the story of 18 year old Hamilton stealing British cannons with his volunteers is because of the recount of that night that Mulligan later wrote - however, for the rest of the war they just didn't interact with one another much.

They had their separate jobs, and they did them well. Hamilton was confined to his own quaters and the aide-de-camp tent, Mulligan was hanging around British camps and the battlefield doing exactly what Hamilton wanted to do. The relationship between the two was completely different from how Hamilton, Laurens, and Lafayette were through most of the war. Working together, seeing each other just about every other day, creating the same drafts and plans; Especially Laurens and Hamilton as Lafayette got some more 'exciting' jobs because of his rank as a Major General. But out of the bunch, Mulligan really sticks out like a sore thumb, historically the group was called the gay trio and for a good 3 quaters of the war it was just them all together. So why on earth would Lin Manuel Miranda add a fourth to the trio? It very well could be that like you said, he wanted everyone in the main group to have a different role that was integral to how the Continental army ran (Lafayette commanding, Hamilton writing, Laurens battling (?) and Mulligan spying) but I ended up reaching the conclusion that because the musical starts in 1776 while Hamilton was still in college - in the musical at least, presumably, but because of the way events are swapped around with eachother and happen at all the wrong times it's a bit difficult to tell what time things happened in the musical like I believe that when it starts Hamilton's meant to be in college and not yet a soldier however Hamilton left college to make his militia thing in 1775 and he stole the cannons in 1775 however the musical shows this happening after Aaron Burr, Sir and at the start if that song they make it very clear that it's meant to be 1776 which also means that Hamilton and Mulligan should've already known each other, I digress, I could ramble about how the way the musical timeline is makes no sense for years - , they wanted to show someone who was really important to him at that age, and they just kept him with the group for the rest of the show to avoid confusion as to why he disappeared or so that they wouldn't have to introduce another character (like why they used Jefferson instead of Monroe for the Reynolds pamphlet).

I don't know about using Tallmadge as a substitute though, given that I haven't read of any interactions between him and Hamilton or him and Laurens historically, I haven't read of any between him and Lafayette either, but it seems more likely that they would've spoken given Lafayette's position as a major general. It's entirely possible that the trio had heard of him but never actually met him given that I believe that I read somewhere that the whole trio knew of the Culper Spy Ring and a lot of what they would've heard to do with the Culper Spy Ring would have related to Benjamin Tallmadge in some way or other because he was the co-founder of the group. Meade and Tilghman would be good to swap Mulligan for, but then it doesn't make sense that he was talking to them in college (although Laurens and Lafayette didn't meet Hamilton when he was 19 either and like I mentioned earlier, Mulligan should have already known him so with the logic of the Hamilton musical they could be in the main group, yes). If my theory is correct then it would make sense why none of the more historically accurate quadrios were chosen, if they wanted someone who was close to Hamilton in his college years who still fought in the revolutionary war; then Mulligan would've been a great fit.

I'm going to guess that Mullette is one of those ships where people went, 'Hmm, I have ships for every other character but these too, and they seem close enough (in the musical that is), so I'll pair them together!'. Y'know, one of those pair-the-spares kind of things that people who are really into shipping do. Additionally. I believe you're correct; it has to have been an 100% musical fandom ship originally because if there was even just a little bit of historical evidence to back it up, then we'd know for a fact that Lafayette and Mulligan knew each other. Oh, and as someone who has seen the musical rather recently (late may last year) in the show, Lafayette and Mulligan didn't interact much, but they did come across as good friends and for some very creative people, those crumbs of interactions are enough to develop whole stories and relationships and I applaud those people, the way they create so much out of so little is amazing. Personally, I don't like any ships that don't have even a semblance of historical backing because I'm definitely an amrev fan before I'm a Hamilton musical fan (I still love the musical, I just value the real history more). People can like what they like though; I won't judge.

I'll always think Mullette's funny because here in Australia recently it's become a trend again for young boys and men to get mullets and I can't read the name without thinking of some crazy looking mullets that I've seen. Thanks for the ask, Anon! It was super fun to answer :D

Sincerely,

O-P/Milly

(I apologise if I come across as rude, I've struggled with tones my whole life)

[wcamino-confessions]

i saw sometime a long time ago a person posting about how weird the creator of bleames was and i just wanted to put my story out there.

in 2016-17 when i was 12-13 jake aka periwinkletotem was a popular artist and designer on warrior cats that i was inspired by and really looked up to. i was just a beginner in the amino trying to make a name for myself (i still havent lmfao) but i would take a lot of requests and even draw gift artwork for people i admired. pwt was one of those people that recieved a lot of artwork from me and we would often have short lived conversations on their wall or in comment sections. eventually we became acquaintances but still not on the level of friends.

a couple weeks later i noticed that he opened up a roleplay called 'tribe of clovers' in which you had to audition for and i managed to get in. this skyrocketed my relationship with pwt as his and my character ended up developing a relationship. i was quick to ask them about lore in dms and we ended up developing a good friendship and i even had gotten invited to his private groupchat where there was multiple "popular artists" and even members of the LT. in this groupchat people were extremely rude to one another. there was constant drama and bigotry to one another and despite sometimes removing someone that the group deemed "weird" there was never any actions taken against those who were instigating or starting problems. most of the people who had power/good art would banned together and bully other people out of the groupchat too.

as the memories are a bit hazy and i couldnt tell you exactly which LT members were in this private group i can say that they are no longer on the leadership team.

as i got more comfortable with pwt i started to flirt with them, even if i was 13 and they were about adult age i believe. i asked if my flirting was uncomfortable and they said no and even would do it back at some points. i forgot my account password so i cannot gather screenshots and even if i did they were banned so the chat messages would no longer be there but i can try.

at one point they did admit to me in dms when i bought a myo bleame, that the bleames were not even a well thought out species and he just wanted to hop on the band wagon of species (ex. sugar mews) that were going on at the time as a cash grab.

i eventually left amino due to personal reasons and when i came back pwt was banned and a lot of popular artists were gone. i never knew what happened exactly and i still dont and this isnt really a major post i just thought id share my two cents because i was reminded about it when i saw a poster say they wondered if anyone remembered bleames.

just wanted to add on to the weird allegations 👍

[just-call-mefr1es]

i finally got this pride special done akdmekdmsm>_<

u can enjoy this as it is, but just incase anyone’s up for a read, my journey with gender and how it ripped my soul out is under the cut 😋

so, at a kinda young age, i knew that i liked to be feminine, but i knew that i never really wanted to be a girl, if that made sense. id call myself a girl, and sometimes itd feel right, sometimes it wouldnt, but i never payed attention to why. i would wear dresses n be feminine and cutesy stuff but something felt weird whenever a relative said i was such a beautiful girl. i was eight.

then boom, pandemic happened. i personally think the pandemic was a gay awakening for a lot of people, since we all had to stay home and got access to the internet and shit. by then, i figured i was a lesbian, and went with that for a while. girls were pretty, and lil 2020 me wanted to kiss one (i did actually and didnt like it but thsts for another post). i vibed like that for a while; i had a couple of older friends (just by a year nothing much) who were also gay so i thank most of the first things i learned abt lgbt on them.

but, this aijt anout that, this is about gender. so, it was the summer of ‘21, and i was like- ‘hold on a stinkin minute.’ theh had my first ever real gender crisis💗 awh how time flies😽 anygays, i had a meltdown over that, and then came to the conclusion that i was non binary, sicne being a girl was so not me, and i shitting loved how it felt calling myself non binary! adn to add, part of me died a little whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me so i went with they/them; i was so scared of being misgendered back then:(

then, the internet started taking over and i got my grubby lil hands on gaytok (i just watched comps on yt bcus i didnt have tiktok) which was a blessing and a mistake at the same time. watching people like me just be themselves unapologetically was such a moment for me, and i was overjoyed. but unfortunately, some of the not so great caught up.

i saw a shiton of stereotypes abt what each person SHOULD feel, act, dress etc based on their sexuality and gender orientation. i, unfortunately got sucked into the ‘non-binary people have short fluffy hair and hoodies and frogs’ and me, being the dumbass i was, just tagged along with it. at first i thought it was cool, and i still do dont get me wrong! non binary with short fluffy hair who wears hoodies and frogs all day are swagger! my mistake was thinking that all non binary people were like that. and ‘all’ included me.

i thought that if i just had everything that nonbinary people were ‘supposed’ to have, then id finally be happy with my gender and could stop playing this stupid game, and it was like that for a while. 2022 me actually really vibed with that, though! i stocked up on all the oversized hoodies i could scour, stuffed all my hair in a beanie when i cojld and just tried to hide any feminine aspect as fucking much as i could. and it sorta kinda worked! this one time when i was in soccer, this kid asked me what gender i was cause he coukdnt tell and i just💥

that was kinda the end of that tho. 2023 was a school year with ups and downs lmao. i had to leave my kids behind; it was a whole thing. from what i can recall this was rhe year when i started to really get questioning. did i do anything tho? nah. i kept my title as non-binary and moved on, ignoring the confusion that welled up in my gut. by then, it was really hard for me to actually question my gender full-on because it made me super nervous.

some more time later, i finally start sucking it up and taking a good look at what the hell i was feeling. sometimes, i didnt feel like ripping my hair out and chokijg myself slowly whenever someone used she/her pronouns for me, but i still did feel like it sometimes- it confused the hell outta me. i kept thinking on, but made sure i didnt press on it too much because someone finally learned about taking their damn time !! good job me, one thing you can do right that isnt art /sarc

i kept my non binary title for a lil while more as i fugured things out befor my mind said ‘fuck it we ball’ and i just rid the thought entirely. i had a good time existing being unlabled with my gender, but it still felt weird inside. i tried out trans demiboy for a good second, before scrapping that idea as well. i looked into myself a lil more and realized that: hey, being feminine is fun!

all that time from 2020-23 i was deadset and focused on being as far away from being perceived as feminine for a while, from fear of bein misgendered. i had totally missed out how fun doing your hair is, and twirling sround in dresses and just being feminine was. so, i did that. im pretty sure i went back to my non binary title for a bit (this time being smart and taking into account that stereotypes were stupid as fuck) and continued on with being casual wit femininity.

then my head hit the wall- no.. gender? my head hit the gender and on one faithful day it hit me: genderfluid. i might be genderfluid. i thought about it for a while, trying to see how it would feel and oh my holy shit- it fit perfectly. i literally almost cried fr.

no, because i felt like ive been punched in the gut but in a good way- this is it! i finally figured it out!!! i always wanted to have one or the other, and no way i was ginna switch my identity every five seconds; genderfluid was a title that made me feel better. with how i present myself, with how i feel, with how i everything!

and- i shitting loved how free it felt, when i could proudly say im genderfluid. because its literalky me! im fluid with my gender! some days, i dont mind being called a girl- some days i even love it!! but other times its just not for me, and i when i realize that i can just feel like that without feeling like some sort of fraud, i just get all giddy its wonderful>_<

and thats it i guess. my story. huh. im not sure if there should be a moral, but i feel bad if i dont give something to the people, so,, never be afraid to figure out yourself. take your time, and who knows where you’ll end up? who knows, it might be somewhere you might have never thought about.

[xoxoxoogoinimsane]

BACK ON TAKS GODDMANIT NOT ALLOWING ME TO POST UNTIL I FIND AN ACTUAL SONG.. so shinobu. if we're specifically talking about his mind control, id say something like "something super sweet" - rory webley would work.

iwishhe'dkissmeonthecheek though the message of the song is about a fading relationship, so you'd have to stretch it a bit. ill introduce another one: "schadenfreude" -guchiry

this does capture the bystander, twisted outlook on others/life that im looking for.. "ended up broken" (somebody dead) "how unfair and absurd it is" (i feel like somewhere along the line in his life, he has grown apathetic to the death around him, he has to be to be a serial killer, im wondering if there was a possible incident that changed his point of view to the worst. or maybe he finds it interesting? in that case,) "Now! Give me your hand, and show me what you look like when you beg for help" (when he controls them to commit the murder out of their emotions he influences. i wonder if he finds it interesting or entertaining somehow, and if he finds that part beautiful, there's too much we don't know to make a certain statement. but id like to say i absolutely believe he doesn't feel any guilt for what he does, and instead sees it as a game.) so *cough cough*

"Ladies and gentlemen of the cold-blooded jury" - Scarlet Room just another little ont i think has a possible chance of fitting him if thats the case,, i like to image this is him speaking to nanashi and misane, as those two seem to be special, the only ones with memories attached "who would believe you" and the only ones he saw worthy enough as a "challenge". the song has an upbeat sort of ring to it, twirling around and around, and i wanna capture that ahh i reallyt need to learn more songs. i cant find an exact one that seems to be what im looking for. OH BUT!

"virus" -bjork i think this also fits because you could also label the chain of killings as some sort of virus. im a sucker for awful comparisons to relationships. the song is very addicting, with bells ringing in the background constantly, making it dreamlike. since he clouds your reason wehn talking to him, as well as slips you into a state of comfort, and also reminds me of plants, yes. ALRIGHT IM JUST LABELLING SONGS AT THIS POINT. BUT UGH RIPS OUT MY HAIR. on another note i hope the 1bithehart cretaor is ok.. they havent rlly updated any of their games in a while? as much as i wanna know more abt this guy i hopoe theyre good

"inside of you, in spite of you" -thoushaltnot this song has a bit of a repetivie beat but i find it good for what it is. in fact id say it adds to the song. the lines "i am the fury and fate" (emotion) "i am each beat within your heart from first to last" "i am your action without thought" (murder) "i am the instinct born inside you" (instinct to cover it up). "ill carry you now from this bitter place" i do think he has a liiiittle bit of a righteousness to what he chooses.

[omgpoindexter]

Hey!! saw some people talking to you about this and i thought id add my piece as someone who got diagnosed with adhd in college. I completely relate to your experiences with trying not to procrastinate things but doing it anyway and then feeling crippling guilt bc of it. i got away with it through high school but as soon as i hit college and nearly failed a class bc i only did half the content i knew something had to change. I’m diagnosed w adhd inattentive type, on meds, and in therapy now and while it’s not perfect i have hope and seen signs of improvement and the hope is rlly what matters i think.

i know you’re not american so i cant directly help you information-wise, but i went through both university resource and a private online psychiatry org so if you have anything like that available then it will probably help. another thing that helped me was having a friend sit with me while i wrote emails/made phone calls.

i guess all this goes to say that i absolutely feel your pain and there are ways to make it better for yourself. maybe an adhd diagnosis isn’t what you get, but if you think there’s anything that can help you deserve to get it and not just suffer in silence. i believe in you and i hope you find answers

hiii!! <3 i do relate to that, and it is really hard! i think these instances have been far enough apart for me so far that i have been able to forget how it made me feel at the time, or, like - in my head if i feel like this for a few weeks every year or so then it’s okay. if i were to go back into academia now and have regular deadlines i would certainly see a difference.

the thing i was procrastinating that i just finished, the one i posted about; i was avoiding it for so long and it became so last minute that i felt sick with guilt every time i went to sleep at night. i’ve finished it now and it’s done, but that feeling doesn’t go away instantly, i still feel like that every time i do something like read or play a game. or SLEEP!!!

i also have this feeling of, like - i am relatively smart, i always worked hard and i was always SO well behaved (i fucking loved rules as a kid, like my mum told me i should care a little bit less about rules) and that’s not the kind of thing i always associated with adhd. that also adds to the thought that maybe somebody wouldn’t take me seriously if i went and asked for help, because i don’t look like somebody that could have adhd. that’s total bullshit i know, like absolute nonsense, but those feelings are still deep down somewhere.

i’m so glad you’re seeing a difference with the help you recieved, that’s amazing! hearing these stories does give me more confidence & challenges that idea that if i went for help i wouldn’t get turned away, so thank you very much for reaching out and taking the time to write me a message! it’s so lovely of you <3

[nohiketoosmall]

By complete coincidence I was flipping through a book I thrifted called "Birds: Their Life, Their Ways, Their World" from 1979 (originally published 1976) right before I saw this post, so though this isn't adding much new information I thought it'd be interesting to add some excerpts from this book in this post, to give specific context for the knowledge in that time period.

In the Introduction:

[ID: Drawing of a lizard skeleton with parts labeled 1-6 as well as a smaller detailed drawing labeled B and 7-8] p8

"Birds evolved from a group of reptiles closely related to the dinosaurs about 150 million years ago. The skeleton of a reptile such as a lizard (A) is still similar to that of a bird...." The passage goes on to detail these similarities based on the labeled numbers. (p8)

"Our knowledge of the history of evolution of birds begins in Germany, where an animal the size of a crow called Archaeopteryx lived in a fauna dominated by reptiles.... [it] resembled a reptile in having a long , bony tail. But in one respect Archaeopteryx was unique, for it possessed feathers." (p9)

[ID: Drawing of a fossilized skeleton of an Archaeopteryx. Reptilian features and feathers are clearly visible. The drawing is labeled 1.] p163

[ID: Two drawings labeled 2 and 3. 2 is of a skeleton with the outline of a bird-like body. 3 is a feathered, brown and red animal similar to both a bird and a dinosaur. The caption reads "The Berlin specimen of Archaeopteryx lithographica (1). A fairly complete restoration of its skeleton is possible (2) but its colours (3) must always remain a subject for speculation.] p163

"Archaeopteryx lithographica, the earliest recognized bird, is the only representative of its family and displays a mixture of features that are typical of both reptiles and birds... Two things are certain however; it is a bird, but it closely resembles extinct reptiles called coelurosaurs which were carnivorous, bipedal dinosaurs. ...Many of the scientists who have studied this bird agree that it is very fortunate that its feathers were preserved, for without them it would have been difficult to identify the remains as belonging to a bird at all. (p163)

[ID: Two lifelike drawings of an Archaeopterx fully in color, labeled 1 and 2, performing behaviors potentially similar to birds. The caption reads "Restoration of Archaeopterx (1) Feeding on insects, which are known to have evolved 150 million years ago, and (2) in an aggressive posture. The posture is hypothetical; there is no fossil evidence for such displays.] p164

"The pelvic girdle is distinctly dinosaurian in appearance, however there is at present some controversy concerning the wawy in which two bones of the girdle... are joined to one another" More research needs to be undertaken before it is known for certain how flight originated and whether Archaeopteryx was an efficient flier. My personal view is that Archaeopteryx was capable of powered flight over short distances." p164

I think things like this are a really interesting look into previous scientific consensus, or lack thereof in some instances. Since within my generation birds have been rather consistently labeled dinosaurs (at least within my life) I'd not heard that anyone had considered Archaeopteryx a bird but not a dinosaur.

My interpretation of the book is that the author is trying very hard not to lean one way or another, and although they put their personal opinion in sometimes, the full page/passages are full of qualifiers that more information has to be found. But it is very evident that the strong link between dinosaurs and birds was known in 1976.

A Timeline

1850s: Some scientists notice the connection between dinosaurs & birds and think birds might have evolved from dinosaurs, given similarity between Archaeopteryx and many dinosaurs, as well as between dinosaurs and living birds  

1960s: Deinonychus is discovered. Scientists starting to realize birds did evolve from dinosaurs; other ideas become fringe hypotheses 

1970s: More dinosaurs are discovered that point to dinosaur behavior being more like birds than reptiles 

1980s: Scientists begin using evolutionary relationships (ie, cladistics) to classify life, rather than Linnean Taxonomy (Kingdom-Phylum-Class etc.), especially for extinct creatures, because it really doesn’t apply to extinct life like, at all. Coelophysis, an early dinosaur, is speculatively depicted with feathers. Some very bird-like dinosaurs are debated on whether they are birds or dinosaurs. 

1993: Birds are straight-up called dinosaurs in the famous film “Jurassic Park,” which is one of the first pieces of media to depict dinosaurs as extremely birdlike; changes public perception of dinosaurs dramatically  

1996: Sinosauropteryx, the first feathered non-avian dinosaur, is revealed to the public. Birds determined to have evolved from dinosaurs, full stop; BANDits (birds-are-not-dinosaurs scientists) now a backwards, on-par-with creationists group. Since we classify dinosaurs based on their evolutionary relationships, we start calling birds dinosaurs, because they evolved from dinosaurs. 

1999: Sinornithosaurus, the first raptor (ie, cousin of Velociraptor) dinosaur found with feathers, is described. Many other feathered dinosaurs are described as well, from all over the group closely related to birds. The Walking With Dinosaurs landmark documentary series calls birds dinosaurs. 

2000: Microraptor, a raptor dinosaur with full wings on its arms and legs, is described 

2001: Velociraptor is given… “feathers” in Jurassic Park III. Velociraptor also portrayed as more bird-like than ever. When Dinosaurs Roamed America, another groundbreaking dinosaur documentary, shows all members of the group closely related to birds (except T. rex) with feathers, including Deinonychus, all over their bodies. Also calls birds dinosaurs. 

2002: A specimen of Psittacosaurus, a dinosaur about as far away from birds as you can get, is described with quills on its tail very similar to feathers 

2004: Dilong, a small relative of T. rex, is found with feathers and display structures like modern birds 

2007: Many feathered dinosaurs are now known from the group most closely related to birds. A specimen of Velociraptor with feather attachment sites on the arms for wing feathers is now known. Velociraptor now known to be definitely, no question, feathered 

2009: Tianyulong, another dinosaur from a group very far from birds, is found with fluffy quills covering all over its back 

2012: Feathered dinosaurs now coming out many times a year. Yutyrannus, a large and closer relative to T. rex, found with shaggy feathers all over its body 

2014: Kulindadromeus, another dinosaur from the group very far from birds, is named. It has fluffy covering like that of Sinosauropteryx all over its body, rather than quills. Feathers determined to be mostly likely ancestral to all dinosaurs and lost secondarily in larger species (especially if fluff known on closest relatives, pterosaurs, is also feathers - see below). 

2015: Zhenyuanlong, a close relative of Velociraptor the same size as Velociraptor, is found with extremely large wings. Raptor dinosaurs inferred to have large wing feathers unless anatomy indicates otherwise (such as having short wings). Jurassic World comes out, making dinosaurs less bird-like than in the original Jurassic Park - with lizard-like tails and behavior, and no feathers at all. Essentially, a huge step backwards. 

2018: Branched fluffy covering very similar to feathers described now on multiple pterosaurs, the group most closely related to dinosaurs (think Pterodactyls). Fluffy covering considered ancestral to all members of the Pterosaur-Dinosaur group, if not all animals more closely related to birds than to crocodilians. 

We have known birds are dinosaurs since before many people reading this were born - since before I was born. We have known dinosaurs had feathers since the mid-1990s. We have known Velociraptor was fluffy and had wings since the mid-2000s. This isn’t news. This isn’t up for debate. Please grow up. Thank you! 

[m1ckeyb3rry]

DHSHSH sorry if it seems like I’m blowing up your inbox I fr just have shit memory…the way that I forget to add my anti-forgetting measure smh…I always end up leaving my notes open and then when I go back to use it to jot down something else it’s left on what I last wrote and I saw the ask and was like “wait a minute….” LMAO but omg the Mira rizz at it again…I’m glad you’re okay though??? That sounds really crazy LMAO DHSJSH bfb Karasu would’ve come in clutch but hope you’re feeling better now!! Manifesting some better party moments for you….bfb Karasu moment soon….

I’m not that into it either but I remember my feed being FLOODED at some point and all I could think was “god these guys have such atrocious haircuts…!!”

Omg wait snuffy getting aiku a girl…knowing snuffy I can imagine her being almost aikus opposite in terms of dating scene personality (?? I wish I could describe this better) and aikus like haha no way I’d ever actually like her…and then he gets the “oh shit” moment LMAO

SHDHSJS OHHHHH ok thank you for telling me I’ve only ever seen it used within goat LOL some abbreviations/acronyms also just fly over my head…I remember when I first saw you use “icl” I had to look it up LMAOOO but agreed though!!! HAHA RIN STEALING THE IDEA so real…Karasu and Otoya pull up to a reunion/friend meetup and see Hiori looking at a house blueprint and ask why he needs another house and he’s like “I’m trying to profess my undying love”

No because him being in all the nerdy classes is so real…him not realizing his own potential reminds me of the part in the egoist bible where he got confessed to with whiskey bon bons and he can’t tell if it was a prank or not (I wanna know more about that story too omg)

FR id never really thought about aiku period before your idea like…he was kinda just there playing a role in Ubers and the u20 match but tbh i didn’t really pay much attention to him before LOL

- Karasu anon

HAHA NO IT’S OKAY i love when my inbox is full it makes me feel very acknowledged 🤩 so never fear it’s like impossible for me to get annoyed by stuff like that…HAHA mira rizz back at it again but unintentional as always 😓 no fr it was lowkey scary looking back 😳 like in the moment we were way too drunk to be anything but like vaguely confused about why this guy had like flipped a switch and started threatening to call the cops on us (??) but in hindsight we’re probably lucky it didn’t escalate further 😭 it was so stupid too because he was genuinely mad at nothing but yeah what can you do 😫 no because i went to sleep in my makeup too and i woke up the next day like “wow karasu would NEVER let that slide” LMAOAO luckily i am much improved and will try to make up for my lack of writing now 😵 tbh it will probably take a lot for my friends to convince me to go out w them again i honestly don’t enjoy it THAT much i just feel bad always saying no yk plus then i get lowkey emo sitting at home while everyone is out and about

LMAOO no i agree they def have some interesting hairdos in bsd JFKSKS somebody tell kaiser and ness to pack it up and move fandoms 😭 their calling is clearly in whatever is going on in bsd…tbh i have no idea what the plot is because every time someone posts abt it it’s completely different but i’m sure kaiser will find his niche and thrive 💖

NO LITERALLY like snuffy introduces aiku to this quiet girl who’s never had a bf because she’s focusing on herself and wants to wait for “the right person” and aiku is like “LMAOOO LOSER ALERT 😂” and then one day he’s lying in bed about to fall asleep and he’s like “oh shit 😰”…calls an emergency conference with barou lorenzo aryu and sendou (the dream team) and is all “guys what do i do i feel all nervous around her and i don’t think other girls are hot anymore and i think about her before bed and and and—” and barou’s just like “you fucking donkey you have a crush on her 😒😐” HAHAH cue like a month of confused pining on aiku’s part meanwhile the dream team is just like done w his bullshit and snuffy is secretly cackling because it’s all going according to plan…meanwhile the reader is only dating aiku as a favor to snuffy so she doesn’t gaf but slowly he starts winning her over 🤔⁉️ maybe this will be the final entry in oliver aiku’s guide to getting girls like now HE’S the one getting the girl ykwim and there’s just random advice from various blue lockers thrown in there every now and again that mirrors how he helped them in their own universe (like he facetimes sae at one point and sae is like “STFU bro you’re in love w her” and hangs up w zero explanation or he meets up w tabieita and otoya is like “yo if you want to keep her maybe you should try to match her energy” HAHAHA) honestly i’m seeing the vision…i don’t even care about aiku like that he truly was a background character to me but it would be such a good way to wrap up the series even though all of the chapters take place in different universes (the OAEU — oliver aiku extended universe)

i am an abbreviation warrior but if you ever need me to explain one then lmk 😫 i find all of mine on tik tok/by being chronically online but there’s def a lot of times when i need urban dictionary assistance in explaining what i’m looking at LMAO 😭 and YESSSS hiori has like architectural plans laid out in front of him which makes tabieita be like WTF…and technically white butterfly could take place in the cherry tree/seabird universe so theoretically rin and hiori could’ve plotted together on how to “most efficiently” pine for their respective girls 😰 can you imagine like “okay i’m going to hang out on her university campus for an entire week until i see her again” “that COOKS bro i’m going to build her dream house in our hometown and hope she hears about it and comes to visit” “fire idea man 🔥”

omg yeahhh didn’t he get like six diff valentines that were just whiskey bonbons?? lowkey i would consider that a prank too especially as a teenage boy 😭 it’s like confusing to me which characters are and aren’t good looking in canon…like isagi pulled zero bitches pre-bllk and same with bachira and nagi BUT according to nagi’s ln girls do think he’s cute/attractive he’s just REALLY fucking weird so they stay away?? so whenever people are like “nagi’s canonically ugly” i’m like nooo he’s good looking just a freak 💔 and then i think rin is supposed to have gotten a lot of valentines but he rejected all of them…and fucking RAICHI got like 10 valentines ⁉️ wdym raichi got more than KARASU 🤔

100% aiku was just there to show up say random bullshit and then leave 😭 but he may have just made his mark on the miraverse LFGNDKSK honestly top ten greatest comebacks of all time if i end up writing the series

[gougarpaw]

Since it’s been brought up again, here are some statements made by Indigenous people about warrior cats, feathers, and other issues

Warrior Cats and Anti-Indigenous Writing doc by Several Indigenous writers (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nnCCD4TfR-5MZie9hQgpDfEE4mYpCtjNXQpD9VqOkxs/edit)

The Feather Issue Doc by Kit (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Ll3Gfo7d5kD2GLT1F1t4fUcP9LkLRHWBQ197XffU_Os/edit)

Regarding the Feather Issue by Yoka (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Lg7gpwM5_K7DiT4X6eaPo2jdmBdg2h2fedCEzQd7bMc/edit)

Explaining why the tribe is racist by Mouse (https://volepaw.tumblr.com/post/182546899759/this-is-probably-a-long-time-ago-but-i-just-saw-it)

The Bone/Teeth issue. by Yeen (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QztMskvFK_ksneiDb67u6TF8MQkQWF6XztHnSj2SasE/edit)

Horse/Lion/Cat guide for feathers by Maplewozapi (https://maplewozapi.tumblr.com/post/737098869991669760/i-should-have-known-if-i-brought-up-wc-id-have-to)

Another take on the feather issue and the fandom at large by Ńoakka (https://cat-soap-opera.tumblr.com/post/678715926987866112/regardless-of-how-harmful-the-feather-thing-is-to)

Disagreeing by Alex (https://alex-fa-ch.tumblr.com/post/632742972997435392/alex-fa-ch-sigh-so-okay-i-saw-the-discourse)

It's More Of An Ableism thing by Window (https://nmirah.tumblr.com/post/659609615122694144)

The Siamese cats from Firestar's Quest by pippastrelle (https://pippastrelle.tumblr.com/post/686149398523199488/how-have-i-not-seen-people-talk-about) (unclear if they are a poc or not, still a good point.)

Indigenous people feel free to add your own thoughts. (If you want me to add your statement to this post, or have me remove your statement from this post, send me an ask and I will do so. Thank you.)

Kit's suggestions for WC OCs/Fanstories, What they are asking the fandom to do, and what they are not asking for (https://twitter.com/kitnesis/status/1441780596146008084)

[p0is0nvalz]

i can shut him up.

summary: you are the only one who knows the 3 ways to shut Eddie up <3

100th post special!

warnings: reader with big boobs, big thighs, chubby!reader, reader has tongue piercing, poc!friendly, reader is supposed to be in college but is living in eddies trailer instead, reader sits on eddies face, very suggestive but super fluff!

vals notes: to be honest i started working on this and just completely stopped. But then i found a reason to post it so i just did🤷‍♀️

 1. kiss!

“im just saying, that little shit is a liar and it just seems unrealistic! i believe he has a girlfriend but superpowers?” you rolled your eyes for what felt like the hundredth time, watching Eddie pace around his room and listening to his rants about some boys “girlfriend”, playing with the bead of the piercing on your tongue.

With a sigh you got up “so, instead of coming home and having sex with your super sexy girlfriend in may i add a lace bra which might snap at any second and boxers, you come home to your super sexy girlfriend and have a talk with her about some 14 year old boy his superhero girlfriend?” you tilted your head in fake innocence, batting your eyelashes

“yes, and i will continue to talk to my super sexy girlfriend all about my day because she loves me very much and i’m the bes- mph!” you cut him off with a kiss as he slowly melted into it, the mixture of your tongue piercing scraping his mouth and his ringed fingers crawling down the plush of your body sending your body aflame. When you pulled away he leaned in further “i do love you and id love to hear this story another time but i’m soo wet” you whined, bringing his hand down to your clothed cunt making him feel how wet you were

“well shit, how am i supposed to turn down my girl?”

“i’m not paying for new boxers by the way”

“me neither”

2. boobies!

when Eddie “the freak” Munson claimed he has a girlfriend, who just seemed to somehow never leave his trailer and was hotter than any person he’d ever seen, it was pretty extremely unconvincing for everyone, so when he came home from school with a pouty look on his face, you, his girlfriend, was determined to find a way help him.

a few days later, you were all alone due to Eddie being at hellfire and had a “cartoon lightbulb on your head” moment, you decided you wanted to go to hellfire. and maybe make cookies while you are at it.

"so it was thought my friends-" "Eddie ohmygosh finally I found you i saw like 6 couples having sex in classes, closets or bathrooms did we do that when i was a senior??" "hi y/n. oo cookies, and i beleive we were doing piercings in the bathroom, but we did have sex. Like. Alot " Eddie grinned at your sudden appearance and everyones shocked faces, giving you a big kiss, sparking the confusion and shock further in the room "WHAT!?!?!?!?" they all screeched as if they were birds going through puberty

"thats right, boys. I get this pretty lady aaaalll to myself. not you, but me. im honestly shocked and betrayed that you-" he immediately shut up as you grabbed him by his hair and smushed him between the plush of your breasts "sorry, he just needed to be shut up. i brought cookies! snickerdoodles and chocolate chip”

yeah, screw Eddie you were the hellfire leader now.

3.thighs!

“Eddieeeeeeee i NEED to tell you about all the drama that happened today!” You slammed the trailer door open and ran into his arms, laying on the bed with him, straddling his hips “Soo you know jason, right? The bitchy one who i always have to pick you up from fights with?” “Yes i do remember, and he sucks. A least favorite of mine” “jason dumped vals food on the floor then boom. Guess what? She fucked Jasons girlfriend!” You were sat on his chest, slowly inching up and hoping he wouldnt notice.

You plopped your clothed cunt on his mouth, having him lick at the fabric as you told him more about your day “honestly, im so glad val did that because shes been crushing on chrissy for years. She was always complaining about how ‘straight’ chrissy was like. Are you fucking blind?” You kept rambling until you felt him push the fabric of your panties to the side “hey. Dont get too close there, munson” “says the one whose soaking wet” “y’sure thats not from you drooling all over me like a damn horndog?”

“shut it”

[yanaequa]

I would love to read your review of the entire drama when you finish it! As a Korean autistic person, I think it would be a valuable perspective for most :)

Hi fellow Korean autistic! How did you end up in here?! Feel free to ask & offer a different perspective with my post!

Hmm, I will briefly write how it was so far (I watched till episode 13, then decided to binge-watch remaining episode this weekend!) then repost and add further after I finish all the drama!

Initally when I heard about drama, I did not have good impression because I thought it was another savant cliché drama. Then I saw the capture of episode 3 and thought that this might be different, and start watching it & fell in love in this show. some of the plot points were introduced abruptly, but overall, the representation was good, I could see why character was behaving in such way, in my opinion.

Episode 9 was the one I cringed initially, but when I realized what writer wanted to talk about & watched again, it felt much better. it was strange experience I ever had with any media, because the impression I have rarely changes.

When I saw the teaser of episode 10, I was nervous how it would be handled, but it really turned out nicely (@kay-tf-volution's review pointed out how love with ID should be handled really well, then I had something similar to Young-Woo's whale breaching moment. It was absolutely amazing. Before reading the review, I was like "Man this is difficult question. to what extent it is okay or not?")

Episode 11 and 12 was good as well, but I could feel that things started to get wonky in episode 13. too many random plot points suddenly being introduced, too many seemingly OOC moments (I did not think it was OOC; just some different side of person, but if it is media, writer has an obligation to convince the audience why such side is showing up.) At this point I was relating myself to Young-Woo so much, so it hurt to read negative comments towards drama (I am aware that their opinion is valid and I should not take it personally, but... it is not easy to do so), Some even commented how Young-Woo's autism looks fake & inconsistent (while her behavior totally made sense in my autistic viewpoint), and brought up "the reality of being family member of autistic person" (ensue painful and dreadful life of a family who used up all the resources to autistic family member who behaves in incomprehensible & uncontrollable way, then ends up sending him to facilities, and bunch of comments that invalidates the existence of autistic people like Young-Woo(which is almost equivalent of invalidating my existence)).

I had a shutdown on that day.

It damaged me so much. Not because of the show, but because of the comments of the people made.

Since I was nervous how the show would end - because if it fails to convince the audience, people will think autistic person like Young-Woo is not real, and they would call me "don't look autistic"... I decided to abstain from watching the show until it ends.

I did read comments & reactions on episodes tho. I got really nervous when it was not good. I was scared if I won't be able to present this as good autism representation show. I was seen by this drama and I don't want it to go away because of the bad ending.

THEN I just read the comments of the episode 16, then just found out that it ended in really nice, convincing way. Oh, I am more than relieved. I am happy that it would be able to be remembered as show with good start & ending. That I could use this show to explain myself. That I could possibly proudly say to others to overlook some wonky parts and focus on good things & messages in the show. Thank god.

Now I will be able to sleep in peace. I will decide if episode 14-16 is good or not, on my own. and make a comment about it.