#satire kinktober

[thecrazyphantom]

They're so precious, I need to microwave them

Day 7/15: Bathing (ft. A rare pair :3c)

Sato and Kazuichi, they'll date in my cruise ship au,I just need to update the relationship chart

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Feeling Unwell

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her pronouns)

WC: 1740

CW: Angst, illness, mentions of hospitals, satirical hatred of children, fluff, spencer being the best

a/n: Some fluff to bring you a brief intermission to your Kinktober readings.

Spencer Masterlist

The worst feeling in the world is waking up with a headache. 

Your head felt like a dance floor where ballerinas were doing their petit allegro warm ups, and there was no mercy. Every single sound filled your unopened eyes with fluff from a stuffed animal. 

The second worst feeling in the world was realizing that you couldn’t breathe through your nose, almost suffocating yourself from trying. 

“Maybe a tissue would help.” 

Not even opening your eyes, you use your hand to shove some part of your husband, playful, but grumpily. 

“Thanks, genius.” You grumbled, and curled further into yourself, yanking the blanket over with you. 

The man next to you let out a small, unserious, exclamation as the blanket that was once covering him was single-handedly yanked from his body. 

“Well good morning to you too.” 

You felt as he sat up, and properly woke up; most likely running his hands through his hair and putting on his glasses. 

Spencer then placed a hand on your hip, leaning over and kissing your head. “Morning baby.”

But before he could pull away, the heat coming off of your forehead was alarming, even to him. 

The feeling of his lips on your head was momentary bliss, even if it was psychosomatic. Anything Spencer did for you (or to you, if you know what I mean…) always felt good. Being cared for in a genuine way was a true testament to how much people can benefit from love: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and yes, even physically. 

Spencer gently brushed aside some of the hair covering your temple, and kissed it again, this time with the full intent of taking your temperature. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Does your head hurt?” 

You snorted, but winced as you did, since you didn’t actually cause any sound. Your sinuses were so blocked up, that you ended up making your headache ten times worse.

And that was when the coughing started. 

Not being able to breathe through your nose meant that your chest already ached, but then all of a sudden you couldn’t breathe at all. Your ears both popped, and you could have sworn there was a constant ringing in your right ear. The coughing got worse before it got better, and it only got better because Spencer had jumped out of bed, run into the kitchen in just his briefs, and grabbed a glass of water for you to try and force down your throat. 

“Alright. We’re going to the doctors.” 

A moan of protest left your lips and as you moved to lay back down in the warmth of your own bed, where you could be unbothered by this random man who was insisting that you needed to get up, and go in public. 

“I know, I know baby.” He was now sitting on the edge of your side of the bed, and was running his thumb along your forehead. Your body involuntarily curled itself around his, and you sighed. 

“It’s like you hate me, and you want—”

A cough ripped through your sentence and your throat. 

If someone was walking by, they might have guessed that you were a chainsmoker of thirty years; a chimney of a woman. 

But, unfortunately, you had your guesses about where this mystery illness had come from. 

“Spence.” You managed to croak out. 

He hadn’t left your side, still rubbing his thumb across your head. “Yeah baby.” 

“I think that stupid twerp gave me his illness.” 

Spencer chuckled. “Who are you talking about?” 

“Remember…” You scooted impossibly closer to him, now able to rest your head on his thigh. “Remember that kid from the last case, the one who ended up having to go into the doctors because he was sick. I’d fucking…”

You paused, trying to catch your breath as you spoke. 

If you had to bet money, you’d place your entire net worth–plus your home and all your earthly possessions– that Spencer Reid was some sort of god from beyond comprehension since he was just sitting here, patiently waiting for you to finish your thought, even though it was taking you minutes to spit out one sentence. 

“He must’ve had some sort of stupid…stupid sickness. And I blame Hotch for making me be the one to sit with the kid.” 

Spencer hummed, a sign of support for your theory. 

“If that fucking kid gave me pneumonia or some shit—I’m gonna find him—”

“Alright there trigger happy.” He cut you off and kissed your head again. “I know it’s going to suck so much ass, but we need to go to urgent care because your cough and fever are really starting to worry me.”

“Who the hell even gets pneumonia in the summer anyways.” You grumbled to yourself, and you rolled onto your back, and slowly sat up; Spencer’s hand on your thigh the entire time. 

An anchor as your head sloshed around with illness. 

“I bet I look like a biblical depiction of famine.” 

That made Spencer crack a smile. 

“Glad you feel good enough to joke around about it.” 

“I actually feel like death. That kid’s made worms’ meat of me.” 

Spencer stood up, face filled with amusement. “Alright Shakespeare.”

You took his hand and slowly stood up. Eyes closed as the slight change in altitude made your eardrums pulse, and your head starts to spin. 

“Tomorrow you’ll find me a grave man.” You grumbled, leaning up against Spencer as the world decided to speed up its rotation by about a million. 

“I cannot believe you’re quoting Shakespeare at me while you can’t even stand up right now.” 

You cracked a smile, eyes still closed. “I’ve always liked Mercutio—a man making puns even as he’s dying—that’s my kinda guys.” 

After standing still, in silence, for the next two minutes, you were able to open your eyes and look over at Spencer. “I love you.” 

It was soft, but earnest. 

How lucky were you to have someone who just spent the past fifteen minutes patiently waiting by your side, to get you out of bed so he could take you to the doctors office because you weren’t feeling well. He could have just let you stew in bed, and take the day to be ill at your home. But instead, he sat with you, got you water when you almost died first thing in the morning, and now is your literal crutch as you move to the bathroom, so you could at least brush your teeth. 

You’ll be damned if you don’t at least brush your teeth before going out in public. 

The thought of it almost made you feel worse than what you were feeling now. 

You were awake enough that your body was starting to fight the illness in real time, meaning Spencer had left your side to quickly get dressed. 

He was back by your side a few minutes later, letting you take your time in the bathroom with your morning routine. In his hands was one of your favorite crewnecks to lounge around the house in, and the matching sweatpants. Snoopy around the ankle, and Snoopy and Woodstock across your chest. Something about the Peanuts characters being there made them a little bit comfier. 

“You’re going to deck me out in Snoopy to go to Urgent Care?” 

Spencer nodded and placed them on the counter. “If we end up being there for a while, you’d die in a pair of jeans. Don’t even try to pretend like you were going to put a bra on either” 

“How did a girl get so lucky?” You hummed, and leaned against him again. His arms wrapping around you as your body relaxed every so slightly.

“I have several degrees, including three Phds. That makes me a doctor, and as such, I’m educated well enough to know the perfect woman when I see her. Anyone who doesn’t agree with me, clearly doesn’t have the degree to back up their points.” 

You squeezed him briefly, before pulling away slightly, still encircled in his arms. “We;; Doctor Reid, I can’t argue with a professional. But I must say, your professional opinion is skewed.” 

Spencer kissed your head and shrugged. He went to say some sort of snarky rebuttal, but you interrupted him with yet another coughing fit. 

You had never been to the Sahara desert before, but you could assume this is what it felt like if you were in the middle of it and had accidentally swallowed gallons of sand while the driest wind passed through you. 

Spence just rubbed his hand along your back, waiting for the fit to end. 

Once it had, your body had started to lose some of the initial fervor you had managed to gain from waking up. “Spence, I think I need to just lay down for a while…”

“No.” He shook his head. “You have to put those clothes on and then we’re going to the doctor. I know you want to lay down babygirl, but the sooner we get you medicated, the better.” 

Then he started to talk about breakfast, and your stomach lurched. “The thought of food makes me want to die. It’s not happening right now.” 

Spencer went to speak but you cut him off. “Babe. I will get dressed, and we can go to the hospital, but I’m not hungry. I’m not going to eat, and you’re not going to force me because the thought makes me feel even worse. Deal?” 

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Deal Spence?” 

Spencer just looked at you, and his resolve crumbled a bit. This was your best effort as a compromise. Every single atom you were comprised of made you want to collapse to the ground and enjoy the feeling of no longer being upright. But you were trying for him. He just had to compromise. 

“Deal.” He sighed. “We’re leaving in five okay?” 

“Aye Aye captain.” You placed a kiss on his cheek, not wanting to spread whatever you had to his lungs, and grabbed your clothes. 

Eventually, when you later found out that the kid witness from the previous case had given you viral pneumonia, your resentment for the little twerp grew even more, even resulting in a statement that you were 

“Never going to fucking have kids ever.” 

The statement made Spencer laugh as the two of you drove back home, meds in hand, and fresh hatred of ‘snot nosed children’ in the air. 

[tsukimefuku]

𝑺𝑷𝑶𝑶𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑲𝒀, 𝐀 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 !

SPOOKINKY 🎃 HERE WE ARE…

This event took a while, but finally, the SPOOKINKY EVENT is up to properly celebrate Halloween.

🔮 WHAT IS THE SPOOKINKY EVENT?

Why do we love Halloween and October? Because of the spookies and kinktober. So in the vein of joining both, the Spookinky event is born, my own lil’ Frankenstein monster.

This event will be divided into two fronts, which you may have already guessed: the SPOOKY front and the KINKY front.

🔮 WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY SPOOKY AND KINKY?

For the SPOOKY part of the event, writers and artists can make any piece of work related to horror, terror, suspense, satire related to these genres and/or homage works to classic horror media like movies, games, series, animes, etc.

For the KINKY part of the event, in the vein of kinktober, you can let your imagination run wild with those kinky thoughts and submit NSFW pieces featuring any kink you’d like.

🔮 WHAT IF I WANT TO MAKE A KINKY PIECE WITH THE SPOOKIES IN IT?

I haven’t forgotten about our monsterf friends <3 It shall be featured under SPOOKINKY submissions.

🔮 WHAT CAN BE SUBMITTED?

Fanfiction or original fiction; Fanart or original art; all of them as original tumblr posts tagged as explained below.

🔮 WHAT FANDOMS ARE COVERED?

Jujutsu Kaisen, My Hero Academia, and Heaven Official’s Blessings.

🔮 HOW DO I PARTICIPATE AND SUBMIT MY WORKS?

This is a Tumblr-only event.

For writers: send me a DM or Ask informing what you intend to write (provisional title, fandom for fanfiction pieces, characters and/or pairing). Ex.

Witchy business - Jujutsu Kaisen (Momo x Mai)

Good night - Original work (Vampire x Reader)

All writers works will get provisionally listed down below. When you post it, don’t forget to tag me (@tsukimefuku) and add the tag #Spookinky2024.

For artists: just submit your piece of artwork with a title until the deadline. Also don’t forget to tag me (@tsukimefuku) and add the tag #Spookinky2024.

🔮 WHEN IS THE DEADLINE?

October 31st. November 30th

🔮 WHAT HAPPENS AFTER THE EVENT ENDS?

This event will generate a MASTERLIST with all the fanfiction/original fiction and artwork submitted.

🔮 BASIC RULES

1. You have to be +18 to participate;

2. This deadline is not fatal but once I post the final masterlist, I won’t be changing/updating it;

3. Gore, blood, guts and everything spooky is allowed, however, tag your work accordingly. For writers, do it at the beginning of your post. For artists, do it in the post’s tags.

That’s it, my ghosties. Let’s have some treats and trickeries. ✨

SPOOKY 👻

Deadly Deals and First Dates - Jujutsu Kaisen (Shiu Kong x Fem!Reader) by @lazyjellyfish300

Penny Dreadful Series - Jujutsu Kaisen (gothic!jjk men x Reader) by @dreamingkitsunewrites

Mise En Place - Yandere!Nanami x Reader (Jujutsu Kaisen) by @sandsorghum

That's spooky af, honey - multi character x Reader (Jujutsu Kaisen) by @tsukimefuku

KINKY 🌶️

Whipped - Sub!Higuruma x Dominatrix!Reader (Jujutsu Kaisen) by @tsukimefuku

SPOOKINKY 🔮

Don’t cry. It’ll kill the mood. - Kenjaku x Reader x Sukuna (Jujutsu Kaisen) by @quinnyundertow

She drove herself to madness with a silver spoon. - Werewolf!Kusakabe x Witch!Reader (Jujutsu Kaisen) by @tsukimefuku

Heaven sent - Jujutsu Kaisen (Demon!Nanami x Angel!Reader) by @mysteria157

By the Gnashing of my Teeth - Jujutsu Kaisen (Wendigo! inspired Reader x Nanami Kento) by @rahuratna Part 1 | Part 2 (soon)

Hey Wolfmoon - My Hero Academia (Werewolf!Toshinori x Werewolf!Fem!Reader) by @actuallysaiyan

Crimson vows - Jujutsu Kaisen (Nanami x Reader vampire AU) by @pmpmyread

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[celestiamour]

ft. edmund pevensie x f! reader — the chronicles of narnia

╰₊✧ messing around in the carriage on the way home┊0.8k words

kinktober 2024: oct 2. carriage sex

setting: the golden age contains: smut!! dom edmund & sub reader┊carriage sex, slight exhibitionism & jealousy, fingering, edmund is such a tease & little freak, established relationship

➤ author's note: skander isn’t really my type (criminal, i know), but on god, his attitude when playing as edmund is so attractive

“was it just me, or was that ball more boring than the ones they usually host?” you ask with a sigh, swishing your head around to loosen the elaborate style your hair was pulled into that tugged at your scalp and enjoying the little artificial breeze from the motions of your fan.

“yeah, not sure what all that was about,” he responded, situating himself next to you instead of across from you like usual. it made you raise an eyebrow at the irregularity, but you knew what he was trying to get up to the second his eyes raked over the form of your body. the dress you wore tonight (which would quickly become all the rage with young women in all of the neighboring kingdoms after seeing you) was beautifully simple with just a little bit of cleavage showing in the dip of the neckline and hugged your curves in all the right places, driving him absolutely mad this entire time. he simply couldn’t stop staring at you from across the room when you were both socializing with other royals and nobles. “your gown, on the other hand, is much more interesting…”

you tutted in disapproval and put your hands up in mock surrender in slight hopes of stomping out his dirty thoughts before they started, feeling your face get hot at how forward your lover was being. “edmund, i just got this dress tailored, i would like to wear it more than once. also, the coachman is going to hear us— the poor man is just trying to do his job! you can wait until we get home.”

“first of all, no bride of mine will ever need to wear the same outfit twice. second, i didn’t like how he looked at you when trying to be the one to escort you off instead of me. third,” he leaned in to whisper in your ear, ignoring the poor attempt of a barricade you had put up for him, “don’t act like the thought of him hearing us doesn’t turn you on too.”

“edmund,” you had intended to chastise him, but his name ended up coming out in a slightly desperate-sounding whine. “... we’ll have to be careful…”

“oh please, i’m nothing if not careful,” he insisted, more so with the intent of putting your concerns at ease rather than actually promising to practice caution, pulling you into his lap and having you sitting pretty while facing the window. he admired how your makeup accentuated your beauty and how your jewelry made you sparkle brighter than the stars in the sky, something he could only see from afar among the sea of people earlier.  “i’ve been waiting for this moment all night.”

“have you now?” your breath was caught in your throat, feeling his fingers bunch up the fabric of your gown before trailing over the bare skin, closer and closer to your aching core.

he hummed in response, brushing over your heat and gently massaging it with his knuckles, thoroughly enjoying the cute little noises you were trying to suppress and the wet patch on your undergarments quickly growing. “you know, judging by how soaked you are already, i’m starting to think i wasn’t the only one…” he pushed the lace aside and slipped in his middle finger followed by his index, earning a soft gasp which makes him grin cheekily. 

“what can i say, you look very dashing in your new royal robes.” despite your satirical tone, there was truth in your words, he really did look handsome in the navy blue suit adorned with golden decals and badges of past achievements, usually dark messy locks thoughtfully slicked with gel to style it in a way that flatters his features best. 

your sarcasm was quickly shut up when curled his fingers into your sweet spot, replacing your words with a sharp moan which made you cover your mouth with your hand. the coachman definitely heard that, and you felt your face getting hot, although you weren’t sure if it was from embarrassment or lust. either way, edmund was highly amused and continued to bully your sweet spot while rubbing your clit with his thumb until you gushed all over his hand and soaked the inside of your dress. thank god, it was multiple layers and wasn’t visible on the outermost fabric when you fixed yourself up to look as presentable as possible considering what just happened.

the carriage came to a slow stop along with the hoof steps, the sound of the coachman pulling on the reins with a soft “woah” followed by the whinnies of the horses reaching your ears. this time, the just king was quick to open the door first to escort you out after adjusting his suit to better hide his erection, keeping your slightly wobbly legs steady by holding you arm in arm all while shooting a certain look to the other man who was beet red to send a reminder that you were taken.

[hanasnx]

Kinktober: House of Amateurs - S1E20

MINORS DNI 18+

SUMMARY: october 20th | behind the scenes | the daring interviewer, zena daren, isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and advertise krayt house’s first full-length pornographic series. the new frontier of breaking through this industry’s stigma is a challenge she’s up to face. joined by any member of the cast that’ll lend their mouth to the microphone, zena wants to know the answers to questions the people are too afraid to ask. WC: 0.4k | CHARACTERS: anakin skywalker, zena daren (oc) WARNINGS: no reader | adult film au | spoilers: october 19th | mentioned: sexual content, adult film industry

KRAYT HOUSE M.LIST | NAVI | INBOX | @KRAYTHOUSE

“Have you ever been a homewrecker, Anakin?”

Anakin Skywalker bats an eye, but his countenance is more or less unperturbed. Knees spread, arms crossed, his unwavering gaze set on Zena and her candid question. She’s fearless, he’ll give her that.

He flashes a downturn of his lips. “Not to my knowledge.” A casual pinch of his shoulder to shrug makes Zena narrow her eyes at him, giving him a once-over. Why hasn’t he cracked? Interviews are supposed to be formulaic. Yet he seizes every chance to turn it upside down. It’s much like how his coworkers describe his presence on camera during work, how he’s able to suck them into a scene and keep them there. For a moment, you can’t think of anything other than him.

“You played it pretty well on screen.”

“Thank you. My acting skills are rusty.” his response is prompt, but nonchalant. She keeps up the banter.

“I don’t think so. You’re very good at playing the villain.”

A glint of interest in his gaze tightens her chest, she’s getting to him, shown in the way he raises his brows at her. “You are fearless.” he remarks in quiet surprise, mixed with the tone of satire scandal as well as convey how she’s impressed him.

“Thank you. Have to be when I’m having a conversation with you.”

“Have something to say?”

“You don’t make it easy to talk to you, you like to keep it mysterious.”

“Well,” He leans forward, engaging her, and her heart rate quickens. “if I made it too easy for you, you’d lose interest, wouldn’t you?”

The swift repartee is broken by her silence, and a scoff escapes his nose, curling the corner of his mouth. She couldn’t be mistaken, surely he couldn’t be trying anything on her. Slowly, he’s been opening up to her— at least, she thought he was. Now it’s more likely he using his attractive tool set to distract her instead. What exactly is he keeping from her? “Mr. Skywalker, let’s get back to the interview.”

“Alright, let me ask you a question.”

She sighs deeply in an attempt to calm her flaring nerves. “If you must.”

“Ever shot a porn?”

[woundlingus]

Kinktober Day 15 - Nipple play/Narratophilia/Nyataimori

Rating: Explicit ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Fandom: Supernatural ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Relationship: Chuck Shurley/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Original Female, Dean & Sam⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Tags: Narratophilia × sexual fetish in which words and stories are sexually arousing × Consensual Sex × Rape/Non-con Elements × It’s both × Chuck’s Psychosexual Obsession With Dean × Possession × The Winchester Gospels (Supernatural) × Satire × Comedic

‘Dude, I’m Full Frontal’

Bathed in the dim laptop backlight glow, Chuck curls around his umpteeth bottle of whiskey and sinks the Holy Spirit into his prophetic vision. Deeper, closer, his breath mingles with Dean’s as he fucks his lay of the night, and his own moans filter through the mouth of the pretty girl of the week. Dean utters her name, and Chuck hits backspace on the keyboard. Dean won’t remember her, neither will the audience. Dean moans, oh sweet muse, don’t ever stop singing.

Live on ao3 :)

List maker @masoena

[christinescupofcoffee]

master list of most things i’ve written

🔥 — nsfw 🩸 — violent *** — not on ao3/not online (yet) italics are wip/incomplete as of writing

fanfiction

metallica

have your cake and eat it 🔥

the girls next door 🔥

anthrax

now it’s dark 🩸🔥 | who cares wins 🔥 | be all, end all 🩸🔥 | time is coming

black diamonds 🩸

dreaming of you | up all night

amped and wired 🩸 | comic 🩸🔥

six feet under | buried alive

burning sacramento 🩸

thalassaphobia 🩸

testament

fever in, fever out | sunburn 🔥 | vapor trails 🔥

cold embrace 🔥🩸 | eerie inhabitants 🔥🩸

xenon dreams 🔥

love is not enough 🔥

flowers for alexander

chave do mar 🔥

blood & chocolate 🩸🔥 | blood & wine 🔥

porcelain 🔥

as the seasons grey 🔥 | dark roots of earth 🔥 | alone in the dark | the roaring forties

pearl jam

nothing as it seems

top gear + the grand tour

throughout the dark months of april and may 🩸

i’m afraid of americans***

figure skating

rain (complete on my thumb drive, just haven’t been able to post all of it 😅) 🩸

crossovers

painted in a corner (soundgarden, stone temple pilots, alice in chains, metallica) 🔥

the artist (metallica, anthrax, alice in chains, foo fighters, pearl jam, soundgarden) 🔥

the dead of night (anthrax, rush)

the contest (soundgarden, alice in chains, metallica) 🔥

gray ghost (testament/savatage, deftones, korn)

without a paddle (foo fighters, green day, a series of unfortunate events)

dead man walking (testament, trans-siberian orchestra, anthrax, type o negative) 🩸

like blood from a stone (testament, death, anthrax, metallica, death angel) 🩸🔥

the skeleton key (testament/metal allegiance, jerry cantrell) 🔥

the confectioner’s tale (testament, type o negative, soundgarden)

kink events

kinktober 2022 “eclipse” 🔥

kinkmas 2022 “black moon” 🔥

fuckuary 2023 “paraselenae” 🔥

kinktober 2024 “tijuana sunrise” 🔥 | “the hungry lion throws itself on the antelope” 🔥 | “paradise” 🔥

high holidays into hanukkah 2024 “midnight oil” 🔥 | iron & incense

short stories from other fandoms

roots bloody roots (skinwalker ranch)

original fiction

short stories

earth’s new clothes

pretty boy fille

the suicide of kelly baker

just one fix

i’m a baker (poem)

lie to me (poem)

in another life (poem)

vermouth (poem)

just desserts (blood) (poem)

marigold (poem)

thwaites glacier (poem)

the scorpion ladies chronicles

highly venomous sex goddesses straight out of a pulp fiction!

bikini atoll merfolk

after the radioactive cloud of the 40s and 50s has settled, evolution kicks in. sci-fi fantasy.

the lagoon***

house of ill-repute

two half-brothers embroiled in family drama. black comedy, emphasis on comedy—began life as short stories written in my dorm way back in 2012, then came back two years later as a class project.

the idiots*** 🩸

novel length stories

black rain (science fiction, coming of age, courtroom drama) 🩸

quarter after twelve (science fiction, satire) 🔥🩸

[ghulehvous]

Master list of works

I feel a bit of an imposter having a master list with such a small number of works, but I tend to post them entirely on Ao3 since they're so long... and maybe this'll also encourage me to get my arse in gear and write more!

In progress

104 days of summer vacation: Primo is Papa and sends Secondo and Terzo - and their teenage brother Copia - on a road trip during the summer before their last year of Seminary to connect with "real people". Mayhem ensures. It's basically a sitcom-y excuse to put the brothers into all sorts of unlikely situations.

Haeresis Heiress: Secondo is six months into his papacy when the universe, via social services, drops an earth-shattering revelation in his lap. Not only does he have a teenaged daughter he knew nothing about, he is now her only living parent. Luckily (or not) his brothers are on hand to help as she starts her new life at the Ministry. (Dramedy)

Letters from the Ministry: A series of satirical letters from the people with the real power - the Ministry's Department of (In)Human Resources. (Comedy/satire)

One shots

A Kinktober Unholy Trinity

An accidental offering: Some plant-based bondage when a young Primo accidentally summons a notorious succubus.

Black candle: Secondo calls on a Sister of Sin for a late-night ritual. (wax play)

Open plan: Copia is restless in his humdrum meeting until Dew calls and offers to ease his boredom.

[veggiehotdog1]

Time to promote my fanfic on AO3!

I mostly write TLOU2 fics, but have recently delved into a few short stories based on the HBO series.

I have also written two Colin/Penelope (Polin) Bridgerton poems dedicated to my partner who is a fanfic writer herself.

TLOU2 Fics:

**When the Smoke Clears (aka Story 1)**

My first (and ongoing) fic and my one true love. If you read any, read this one 😊

It's been six years since Ellie and Dina last saw each other. They reconnect as they remember their close childhood friendship and get to know each other again as adults.

Ellie is out of the military and still adjusting to life back in Jackson. She and Abby, who served with her, work on the Miller family cattle ranch. Dina has just moved back to the small town and is eager to reignite old friendships.

Ellie harbors secrets from family and friends as she struggles with addiction and trauma from combat. Dina struggles with her own trauma and how to navigate a relationship with Ellie.

**The Birthday**

JJ and Ellie bond on his birthday

**Allium**

Short poem imagined as Ellie's journal entry. Two images plus descriptor

**The Feast**

Maria nurtures Ellie back to health upon her return from California

**Good Advice Left in Santa Barbara**

Ellie is almost there, she can just feel how close Abby is. It all goes off course when she is taken prisoner by a group who wants something from her. She needs to escape and fast.

** Você é tudo o que eu quero (You are all I want)**

This was supposed to be a relaxing trip, but can Abby and Ellie quell the urge to compete or will it ruin the vacation?

**Kinktober 2022**

Very short, quickly written stories each day of Kinktober. Some stories are erotica, some are straight up smut. Most of them have a bit of plot too. Specific tags in beginning notes of each chapter.

**Mild and Spicy**

A mysterious stranger has been frequenting a food truck where a worker has caught her eye.

**Light My Cigarette and Engulf Me in Flames**

Two strangers meet at a lesbian bar in 1950s Seattle and share a dance.

**My Heart Longs for Home: Part 1**

A home is a person, a place, a sense of belonging and love.

The couple navigates their relationship after Ellie's return from Santa Barbara.

A push for deeper intimacy, and a pull away. Dina's persistence finally breaks through Ellie's powerful intrusive thoughts and avoidance.

**My Heart Longs for Home: Part 2**

The couple returns to the farmhouse to revisit memories and build trust. Plot continuation from part 1, but can stand alone if only want to read this part. Starts out with plot and ends with just pure smut.

HBO's TLOU fics:

**Princess**

Riley tells Ellie about a horse she rode after sneaking out of the military school. Combines both the events of the tv show and and game DLC Left Behind.

**First Impressions**

We were shown Ellie's first impressions of Dina. But what did Dina think of Ellie and Joel?

**Dangerous Infection**

The reason for the slo-mo (Episode 5: Endure and Survive) was because two lost souls found each other, drawn like moth to flame in the heat of the moment. Pure gonzo style satire.

Bridgerton Fics:

**How to Say It Best**

A poem about how Colin wants to profess his love for Penelope��until he quickly gets distracted by other thoughts. Inspired by, and poking fun at, how sex is sometimes described in fanfic.

**The Moth and The Light**

Brief poem about Colin's evolving attraction to, and relationship with, Penelope.

[ritnaro]

kinktober day 3: kyoutani kentaro + incest/step-cest

cw. nsfw, mdni, f!reader, step-cest [step brother kyoutani], masturbation, fingering, vaginal penetration, degradation

wc. 600

masterlist | join the taglist

+ @hqintheclub

maybe it was bad to think about him this way, but before you could stop and think about the satirity of it all, your hands are already slipping into your panties. another night, another lewd thought of your step brother.

except this time you’re ignorant to the eyes that peek through the gap in the door.

“you really thought, all these nights, you were being quiet?” no. you thought you were being quiet enough, there’s no denying that soft moans would occasionally slip out of your mouth, but you didn’t think anyone heard.

now, you’re sure anyone could hear you, even through the thick walls of your room. thank god your parents are out for vacation, it would be so shameful to hear how their daughter gets fingered by her step brother.

“fuck, stop” you moan, crying against him as you grab his wrist and try to pull him away from you.

“you don’t like it?” he scoffs and laughs at you. “this hole down here says something else” it’s true, you’re practically dripping like a faucet around his fingers.

“i like it, f-feels so good” you can barely get out the right words when his fingers purposefully press against that special spot inside your walls, just enough to make you stutter and trip over your words. “but… i want m-more- mhhh!”

“more? i’m already fucking you with my fingers, isn’t that enough for you, filthy whore?” he asks in a condescending tone, his warm breath shuddering against your neck, making you tremble in anticipation, because you know despite all the teasing he wants the same thing you do, and won’t take long to fall into his desire.

“you’re so dirty, you’re not even satisfied with my fingers, you want your big brother to fuck you with his cock, make you feel so full, ‘s that what you want?” even if he’s not really your big brother, the title still makes your pussy flutter around his fingers. “you really like that?” it’s almost maddening how he effortlessly leaves you a mess beside him when he pulls out his fingers and uses them to slide down his sweatpants, revealing his hard cock.

“turn around” you quickly do what he said, too excited to tell him otherwise. you’ve already had a small taste of what his fingers can do, it’s only natural you’re eager for him to use his cock. you’re laying on your side, his chest pressed against your back and one of his hands keeping balance with your body while his other hand guides his cock into your cunt.

“you’re so filthy” he says, slowly sinking into you while his fingers tighten around your hips and your needy hole drips down your thighs and onto the sheets beneath you.

“i’m not the only one,” you say, catching him off guard. he wasn’t expecting to hear anything from you when you were panting and drooling into the pillow a second ago. “you’re just as filthy as me, bet you were waiting for them to leave just so you could fuck me”

his nails dig into the skin beneath, so much it almost draws blood, so instead he moves it to the back of your thigh. there, he spreads your legs open, giving him better access to start moving into you. his other hand slips around your throat and chokes you, making it so hard to breath when you most needed to.

“what about you?” he asks, his thrusts knock the air out of your lungs, and his hand makes it so hard to get it back. “at least i waited, but you? you didn’t even wait until they were gone, you would touch yourself… while they were sleeping downstairs, and you still have the courage to talk back” you start to regret ever saying anything, you should’ve just kept quiet and maybe he wouldn’t be so hard on you. “don’t worry, i’ll teach you some manners”.

[glitchthedemon]

I personally find it hilarious that all year fandoms are chill but suddenly October comes around and there’s like 19 events happening at once. Here’s a list of the ones I’ve seen so far

Inktobertale (Ink Sans)

Inktober (Random prompts)

Kinktober (NSFW Event)

Octobmare (Nightmare Sans)

Notober (Draw nothing) I’m p sure this was satire tho

Dresstober (Dress ur OC in different styles)

Sanstober(?) (Draw a different sans each day)

Riptober/Reapertober (Reaper Sans)

And probably more, feel free to add to the list

[thecrazyphantom]

Felt crazy, did 2 days in one.

Here's day 6/15

I saw that was next and instantly drew this

(Original under cut)

[undercoverweeeb]

Kinktober is coming up so while making your schedules I’d like to remind everyone that my birthday is October 4th 🤣🤣🤣 (this is satire post whatever whenever you want )

[thecrazyphantom]

Kinktober only i don't actually draw naked people so it's half satirical

Also I'm only doing 15 days bc id forget to do all 31 days

Day 1/15: Stripping ft Pekozono