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pascals-doll · 7 months

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like a virgin

joel miller x reader

🫧 inspired by madonnas like a virgin MY MADONNA CONCERT IS COMING UP I-

🫧 i always make my writings for joel so long but i love this man smm i could write all day for him it dont even b on purpose 😩

🫧 description: pre-outbreak!joel, babysitter!reader, reader babysits sarah, semi-fluff, DILF JOEL DILFFF, age gap (joel is 36 and reader is early 20s), smut smut, SMUT SMUTTT, dom!joel, softdom!joel(ugh i need so bad),sub!reader, hella praise kink, reader and joel are obessesed w each other tbh, secret crushing, body worship (reader reciving/ slight joel), pussy eating, possessive!joel, unprotected sex, p in v sex, hair pulling (j recieving), tommy is a teasing p.o.s 😭, no use of y/n, use of nicknames (sweetheart, darlin, and sweet girl).

you stepped into the miller’s residence weekly to babysit his daughter Sarah, she was the sweetest teen girl. she reminded you a bit of yourself when you were her age which was probably the cause of the instant connection.

you had been baby-sitting for almost 8 months now, leading to getting closer to Joel; Sarah’s dad.

Joel was more than a hunk of a man, he towered over you even with your heeled mary-janes at times, his broad build engulfing all his clothing making him look like a slutty construction worker with his roughed up baggy-blue jeans thats sinched around his waist perfectly.

you would be lying if you wouldn’t oogle the man while his attention was pulled onto something else. you would watch the way he talked so sweetly to Sarah, yet when it came to a phone call, his neighbor, a stranger or his brother, Tommy that would occasionally stop by.

Joel would have this assertive and unruly tone underneath that thick southern accent. he was a man that paid close attention in his life which is why he has allowed you to take care of his daughter with so much trust.

you would never know it but Joel cherished you and the things you do.

Joel would show it in very discreet ways, today was a prime a example.

“m’havin a famiy cookout later t’night, why don’t you head on home to rest, so you can come back to enjoy with us.” Joel invitied you with ease as you began to grab your belongings from his coat-rack near his front door.

you grabbed your purse, walking towards the sound of his voice which was right around the corner. Joel was standing in his wide living room.

“it would be more than my pleasure. thank you for everything again. im always very appreciative for sarah and you” you thanked him sweetly, eyes meeting his.

he stood next to his large bookcase that had an assortment of different books, personal objects, some cds/dvds, and his vinyls.

joel picked up a vinyl, sliding out of the slot in the shelving of his bookcase, pulling it out of the envelope, and placing it on the record player.

yet another instance, where you accidentally ogle him.

“the real thank you should be t’ya. im adjustin’ to single parentin’ and ya’ been very accommodatin’, thank you.”

your kind demeanor was the sweetner to his coffee.

you were now home, getting dressed to return to the Miller’s residence.

usually when you’re babysitting, you dressed lazily. you would put on a random shirt and jeans or sweats.

you wanted to cleanup a bit more, knowing it wasnt just going to be you and sarah most of the day; Joel would be there.

you threw on this cute blue floral sundress that was mid-length, it stopped right below your cross necklace.

you finished up by pairing it with white frilly socks with mid-heeled black flats.

you didn’t put much makeup on, only putting the basics before doing any last touch-ups and grabbing your black mini-purse.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

once you arrived, opening the gate and greeting a few of the people that were sitting on the porch before entering through the front door.

the sound of chatter got louder as you walked through his home. you turned around to the corner and his living room was empty but his kitchen was cluttered with different food and grill necessities.

you thought to yourself how they must be outside, you began to walk farther into his home till the back where the sliding door to his backyard was.

you began to slide the door open “oh my!! you came!” sarah squealed out of excitement, she came from restroom door next to the side of his sliding door.

you immediately engulfed the excited girl that ran into your arms “i wouldn’t miss it for the world, girl!” you exclaim while smiling.

“c’mon! my dad is outside grilling!” sarah spoke excitedly. she grabbed your hand as you opened the door and walked outside together.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

“d’ya invite that sweet babysitter of yours?” Tommy asks joel while seasoning the steak “i did, i hope she comes-you know, for sarah and all” Joel tries to play off with his words.

“oh my brother fancy’s someone, i see” Tommy chuckles out, putting his beer bottle up in the air slightly.

“i do not fuckin’fancy that young lady. she’s gone above and beyond for my daughter and i just wanted her to feel welcome” Joel explains himself, his tone laced with angry yet getting his explaination a across a bit hastily. Tommy’s eyebrow quirks.

“don’t say nothin’ else” Joel utters out in a stern tone, grabbing his cold corona as Tommy puts his hands up in defence.

Tommy turned his head, not the best decision as it made his amusement grow fonder. he turns back to Joel.

“well, ya’look at that brother” Tommy slys out, throwing a wink at his older brother before making his way back to his wife Maria.

It was you and sarah approaching, Joel actually choked on his sip of beer.

you were beautiful, Joel wasn’t an oblivious man.

Joel, himself even thought it was impressive how easily you cleaned yourself up by just some jeans and sweatshirt; at times just a shirt.

tonight was different, very different.

Joel finally has seen you outside of your different hoodies and pants.

he couldn’t begin to comprehend as you and sarah got closer and closer “Dad! she made it” sarah calls him out in excitement.

you finally approached him next to his griller which caused him to immediately snap out of his gaze.

Joel gave you his hand to shake “thank you so much for having me” you thank him, sweetly accepting as you began to shake pulling you in for a soft side hug.

you were right beside him, feeling the heat of the fire from the grill on both of you.

in Joel’s eyes, up close, your beauty was now beyond otherworldly. your light blue sundress bringing out the color of your eyes, the way your hair fell on your shoulders, and your jewlery sparkiling the tone of your skin.

you looked so elegant, yet you still managed to keep it simple. your winged liner making you look more mature than just the light mascara you would rush onto your lashes before getting out of your car on babysitting days.

Joel couldn’t begin to wrap it around his mind how you could possibly look so pure yet you were a woman. a hard-working one at that.

he knew that. it was something that made him desire you which felt so wrong.

“anytime, ya deserve to be apart of the family-shit! ya’already are” Joel goes off a bit nervously after ogling you. you gave him a soft smile.

“did’ya need help with the grill?” you quickly perk in as the fire began to sizzle a tad bit louder than usual “ah shit!” Joel exclaims, flipping each of the steak.

“careful now, brother! dont burn ‘em!” Tommy calls out, laughing with a devious smirk as he approaches again with cooler in hand.

Joel grumbled something under his under his breath as he focused on the grill.

“nice to meet you, i’ve heard s’much about you! I’m Joel’s brother, Tommy.” the younger brother introduces himself.

you give him your hand to shake “It is nice to meet the uncle tommy” you joke out causing sarah to giggle with you.

Joel couldn’t begin to explain the beauty you carried within you.

he was sure that if a god made you, it was Hestia and Aphrodite.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

the evening was pleasantly spent by you getting to meet maria and her pregnant belly, congratulating her.

then once it was time to serve the dinner, you helped Joel and Tommy by moving the grilled food off of the grill.

this consisted of Tommy making jokes that had slight insinuating under-tones that you were too naive to pick up but laugh everytime Joel would punch Tommy’s shoulder roughly, not being playful at all.

you helped bring in the food as sarah set up the dining table. once everything was set up and everyone sat down to eat, Joel’s grilling being beyond splendid.

when dinner was over while everyone cleaned up, you went to use the restroom.

you finished using up the restroom which is how you were now in Joel’s living room.

you began to admire his large bookcase from where he stood earlier to invite you.

you skimmed through, your hands softly going over the objects as you observed his books, framed pictures, his collection of dvds, and then his vinyls.

you had a record player of your own, sometimes sarah would ask you to play bon jovi and tell you where the record was.

Joel had an impressive collection, ranging to every genre of music. he had some legends on vinyls like Bob Marley, Johnny Cash, Lionel Richie, and Madonna.

you immediately picked up the Madonna vinyl, it was her second album ‘Like a Virgin’.

you grew up with your mom adoring Madonna more than anything which explains your adoration for her music.

“I was in highschool when i first heard Madonna” a deep voice spoke through the room, behind you.

you automatically knew it was Joel, turning around still looking at the tracklist on the back of his vinyl “this is my favorite album besides Like a Prayer” you say as you walk up to him, smiling.

“you weren’t even born yet” Joel laughs out causing you to jokingly get offended.

“excuse me, i know my Madonna” you joke back, giving him a playful wink which he just gave you a slight chuckle too.

“she say she know she Madonna, ay?” he gives you a slight smile, opening up his record player before inserting the vinyl.

soon enough the record player began to ring a classic 80s pop beat through the room.

you automatically felt yourself slightly popping your leg with the beat and snapling your fingers slightly.

“go ahead, Mr.80s” you state smiling, inviting him to dance “oh no, i-don’t dance” Joel quirks out awkwardly, now standing nervous.

Joel admired your confidence and comfortabilty in your skin, you were so young and full of life while also being so sophisticated and methodical.

you grab Joels hands and began to playfully sway with him.

Oh, like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats next to mine

🫧

you sang the melodious lyrics under your breath. you felt your breath hitch as you locked eyes with joel, being in his grasp.

you could feel your body burn up in his strong hold, his heavy hand on the small of your waist.

your breath hitched causing your chest to push up against his chest. this felt so right, the way his hands held your body and each of your curves.

🫧

You're so fine, and you're mine

Make me strong, yeah, you make me bold

Oh, your love thawed out

Yeah, your love thawed out

What was scared and cold

Joel made you feel more than a woman, you were so polish and refined, yet so sophisticated and mature while all-looking ever so young and full of life.

he felt a bit of confidence which made him twirl you around, engulfing you into his embrace again with one arm; your back to his chest now.

you swore the sound of the song was slowly drowning out and now the sexual tension was ringing through the both of you.

you could feel his heartbeat thump against your back as his hands rubbed both sides of your waist to the rythem of your delicate sways.

you leaned your head back against his chest, his scent being the only thing on your mind.

you felt him begin to caress your hair with one hand as it left your waist.

“you’re s’beautiful, hope y’know that” Joel could blame it on his 5 beers but 5 beers wasn’t shit for Joel, he was very conscious of his choices.

the compliment sent shivers down your spine as you swore your knees grew limp momentarily.

you turned around, your thigh now inbetween one of his legs, chests pressed against each other, his hands gripping your hips now, and faces inches away from each other.

your lips were parted, you really were debating on kissing the beautiful hunk of a dad infront of you.

fuck it

just like that, within no time your lips were moving like you both had never kissed anyone before.

the song continuing to play as the both of you makeout in his living room while everyone was outside.

the way his hands ran through all of your body like he had never touched anyone, your lips pulling away to catch your breathe momentarily like you had never been kissed like that before.

Joel completely ravished you.

hell…now that he had you, he wasn’t gonna let go now.

“m’room darlin’” he mutters against your lips, before completely scooping you up bridal style. it caught you slightly off guard, gasping which made Joel smack your ass playfully.

“oh, aren’t you a gentleman?” you joke, your arms were wrapped around his neck.

“oh, don’t’cha worry sweetheart” Joel smirks out as you arrived to his room.

he laid you on his bed, going down with you while on top of you. he began to move his lips from kissing you to your neck, pulling down the small straps that held your dress.

each kiss that Joel placed on your body felt like a burning sensation, making your insides erupt with giddiness.

you felt like this was your first time all over again. your mind was racing, heart was nervous, and body was clamy.

and it was all because of Joel.

you weren’t sexually active at all recently, you were so busy with work, about to graduate with your masters, and even babysitting sarah; spending more time at the Millers than on dates.

you did go out but lord were the guys of this generation a bunch of sluts.

“what’s on your mind? am i doin’ somethin’ wrong?” Joel’s rushes out accidentally, not wanting to sound nervous but he did.

you weren’t only one feeling like a bad teenager doing this for the first time.

Joel smelled your perfume and that was all it took to get his mind racing. he couldn’t begin to fathom how he finally got to have you.

the way his big frame craddled yours sent him into overdrive, his heart going a million miles per minute as he tries to figure out where to even begin.

for you, it might’ve been a year but for him, it was almost like ages with the years he’s gone.

all Joel’s mind could do was think of all the things he could do to you.

“Joel-hmph” you couldnt help but whine out as his hands massaged closer and closer to your arousal.

“there there sweet girl, you ever been with a man?” Joel asks, lifting your dress up, exposing your angelic white panties.

Joel was damned forsure for the filthy thoughts you provoked out of him.

“n-no, i have never—they were idiots.” you felt so small under him, feeling overwhelmed like it was your first time all again.

at this point, you could’ve considered yourself a virgin with how Joel had you and how much of a man he was.

“you ain’t gon’go lookin’ f’someone to take care of that pretty lil’mind, not after im done with’ya.” Joel claims to you.

you believe every single word laced in his southern accent; making your cunt pulsate wantingly.

“is that what you want to do, Joel? take care of me?” you ask him, lifting your leg to spread yourself open more as you wrap it around his lower waist; basically resting on his thick thigh.

the way you looked at him through your lashes, batting them softly. it was a genuine question, laced with purity and hope.

“if you’ll allow me too-” Joel began, pulling down your panties. you expected him to unbuckle his belt next but no; he got on his knees.

your chest weighed up and down heavily, each of his touch making your body hot.

“it’s my only wish for taking care of me and sarah” Joel finishes before hooking both of your legs up onto his shoulders, his tongue wasting no time.

you didn’t even get a chance to respond, a moan erupting out of you being the only thing.

the way he ate your pussy like he didn’t just eat a whole meal downstairs had your back already arching.

Joel’s tongue swiped along all of your cunt, fucking your sweethole “jesus, ya’taste fuckin’ delicious” Joel mumbles against your pussy as his tongue quickens all along your juiced cunt.

“ahmph!” your shriek sounding like music to his ears, if he didnt have his family downstairs, he’d have you screaming.

“quiet fa’me, doll” he says, taking a hand to cover your mouth as before diving back in.

joel’s tongue fucks into your hole this time causing you to let out a muffled moan against his big hand.

the way that man was eating your pussy, tainting your pussy with his spit, marking it all as his drove you insane. there wasnt nothing this man couldn’t do.

“god! j-joel!” you muffle out, your hands go to his roughed up brown hair, pulling on it causing him to groan into your dripping pussy.

you felt yourself getting closer and closer, your pussyhole squeezing around the tip of his tongue.

“this pussy s’perfect- s’all fuckin’ mine.” Joel spits out once he pulled away from your pussy, denying you of your orgasm.

your mouth was agape in pleasure but then quickly falling into a pout “don’t worry darlin’, my baby will cum…on my dick” Joel’s voice is sweet like honey now as he leaned down to connect your lips together.

you taste yourself on his lips, mixture of his spit along his lips causing you to moan at the mix of both of your filth fogging your mind.

the way both of your lips moved in sync perfectly was beyond intoxicating for joel. he swore he could get addicted to just at the look of you but at this point, both of your lips had him drunk.

he had shimmied and kicked off his pants while making-out with you. he was completely taking over you once again, your body turning small under his big one.

“are you ready, sweetheart?” joel asks delicately, pulling away from your lips to look at your eyes.

you told him yes, leaning up to take his shirt off which he happily obliged.

you had only seen his toned arms but it was obvious he had a strong build. he might’ve not had a six-pack but lord were his muscles chiseled like a greek god.

“you gon’ drool over an old man?” joel utters out, his hand going in to caress your hair.

“oh baby, you’re beyond fine wine.” you whisper. your forehead’s connected, lips away from kissing, and looking him deep in his chocolate eyes.

Joel could feel his breath hitch at what you said, you already had him wrapped around your finger as he worshipped you.

Joel thrusted himself into you, he couldn’t even fucking believe how tight you were.

“jesus- god, this pussy s-ah fuck!” joel’s groan was almost animalistic as your mouth fell as if you wanted to scream but nothing came out.

Joel’s cock was a size you’ve never had before, it didnt hurt but oh, did it stretch.

“s’big-oh my!” you moan out loudly, eyes rolling back at the feeling of him delectably stretching your pussy out.

“you got it baby, you got it” he praises you although he was too busy trying not too pass-out because of your cunt.

after a small moment of adjusting for the both of you, he began to thrust into you at a slow pace.

you arch into him as your whimpers and soft moans turn slowly work their way up to louder and heavier moans.

joel worked himself into you, his mind not being able to get enough of all of you. he still had to process that he really had a young beautiful woman with the heart of a home in his bed.

joel completely held your body with one hand, eventually putting a hand over your mouth again once his sweet thrusts turned into pounds.

your body shaking against his with each of his rough and hard thrusts, fucking your name out of your mind and replacing it wirh his.

your muffled little cries of his name “Joel! joel-ah! j-j! j-joel!” sounding like a sweet lullaby to him. he couldn’t help but smirk at your teary eyed-self.

you werent even worried about ruining that pretty liner of yours as he fucked into you.

“shh my baby, you’re taking me so well” joel coos out, caressing you hair before leaning down to plant kisses and suck on your chest.

your hands grip his bed sheets as your body begins to shake in pure sensual bliss that joel brought you, making your mind fog up as the build up of your orgasm is almost virginal.

“ya’look so beautiful like this-” praises left joel’s lips left and right, loving and indulging in every single one of his praises as he fucked you to your orgasm so sickeningly good; leaving the both of you intoxicated.

“you was made fa’me, not no one else.” Joel’s eyes were shut now, completely lost in the pleasure you were giving him.

it was almost like a prayer, a hopeful chant, almost a possessive plead.

joel had wanted you just as much as you wanted him “yes! god yes! m’close! it’s y-yours! all yours!” your pleasure-filled babbles as your mind gets drunk of joels cock and overwhelming orgasm.

“let go, darlin’ ” Joel works you through your orgasm, hips going from pistoling into you to the delicate pace he started off with.

your entire body shook as both of your sweaty hot bodies embraced each other through both of your orgasms.

the room filled with heavy pants and moans as his hand left your mouth and began to massage your hair.

you both held each other, not wanting to let go of each other.

“i understand what madonna meant by ‘like a virgin’ now” you giggle out causing a playfully scoff to come from him.

“alright alright, we need t’get dressed and head back down. would ya’ want to stop by tomorrow after i drop sarah off at school?” joel asks, his chocolate eyes now ridden of lust and replaced with soft hope.

you were about to tell him yes but another voice spoke before you.

“are you fucking done?! fuck! i can’t keep stalling Sarah and Maria!” it was Tommy.

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unrefinedmusings · 2 years

Text

sweet, sweet sugar

pairing: no outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

summary: meeting a man in a bar and trying to determine what about him is so damn alluring. it doesn't really matter though, it ends well for the both of you. part 2: snooze

warnings: smut, explicit sex, explicit language, age gap (reader is mid 20s, Joel is 36) riding, truck sex, nasty talk, MDNI, 18+

a/n: i love him, your honor. i will protect this tired dilf with my life. might expand on this, if so it'll be fluffy/smutty (no angst because the show is already enough pain for me)

---

It was his voice, you think. You had just relocated to Texas and were new enough to be drawn in by that deep Southern accent when he introduced himself.

Hi, uh, I’m Joel. Mind if I buy ya’ a drink?

Maybe it was the age difference. It wouldn’t be a first for you and the few strands of gray in his hair did make you a little weak in the knees.

It could’ve been his arms. Bumping against the hard muscles of his bicep as the bar stools you two were sitting on inevitably wobbled while you talked. Placing a light touch on his forearm when the liquid courage of your second drink kicked in, before your fingers made their way to his indecently thick ones to intertwine. Just the rough touch of his hands was enough to make you shiver.

His eyes were definitely a factor. Puppy brown orbs that sparkled brighter than starlight when he laughed, even under the dim lights of the bar. How they grew dark, almost black, when you leaned in close enough for him to catch a whiff of your perfume, the faintest hint of sweet vanilla lingering in the space between you two.

Or maybe it was just him. All of him. The way he hummed along to the country western songs playing through the bar’s speakers. The way he spoke to you with affection in his voice despite his gruff exterior. The way he talked about his Sarah: the pride while mentioning an A plus social studies paper followed by the anxiety while asking if he was talking about her too often.

As if loving his daughter too much could scare you away.

His scruffy beard and charm, his bad humor, his dad humor, his smile.

And the way he called you sugar, like that’s what you were to him. Nothing but sweetness and all too appetizing. Like he’d drink you up with his coffee every morning if you let him.

Your wandering hand made its way down to his thigh, resting just above his knee. He paused mid sentence and for a moment you worried you were being too forward. Your eyes meet his in a heated stare.

“You tryna’ misbehave there, sugar?”

You were and it landed you in Joel’s backseat, laid down with his body pinning yours. He’s kissing you. He’s still kissing you, hasn’t stopped since he pressed you up against his truck in the dark and nearly empty parking lot. He’s on your lips, until you have to pull away for air when he moves down the expanse of your neck, nipping and sucking along the way.

Your legs part for him, wrapping around his hips to dig your heels into the backs of his firm thighs. His hands find their way under your shirt, calloused fingertips forming gooseflesh across your skin before pulling the material up and over your head. He palms your heaving breasts, letting out a low groan at the feel of your soft flesh in his hands, before working his hands around to the clasp. Any restraint he might have had was tossed into the front seat with your bra.

Now he’s desperate, he’s hungry.

His mouth is on you, all over. His tongue licking at the marks he left on your neck and chest, his teeth making more down your torso. Lips wrap around your nipple and you arch into his suckling, letting him consume even more of you. Every one of his filthy, reverent kisses is more fuel for the fire growing in you. You tug on his dark locks when he reaches the top of your skirt, running his tongue along the line where fabric meets skin.

“J-Joel, please,” you beg, surprising yourself at how wrecked you sound already.

“I wanna taste ya’, sweet thing,” he teases, looking up at you with mischief in his eyes.

Moving his head down between your legs, Joel places sloppy kisses up the inside of your thighs. You watch him with heavy eyes, shuddering as the coarse hair of his beard grazes your sensitive skin. He brings his face to the crotch of your panties, nose nudging your clit, before taking a deep inhale. He licks at you through the soft lace before pulling it off entirely.

“Fuckin’ gorgeous,” he rasps, the heat of his breath against your cunt enough to make your hips buck. Unbothered by your writhing, Joel wraps his arms around your thighs to keep you open for him before licking a stripe through your slick folds.

He groans at the taste of you. “Such a sweet pussy, so goddamn wet for me too.”

He dives in, circling your clit with his tongue before plunging inside you. Your thighs try to shut at the sensations, but his hands tighten their grip to hold you in place. You’re melting into his mouth and onto the seats, the fogged up windows an indicator of just how hot everything is right now.

Then his thick fingers are inside you, thrusting deep and hitting that spot you always have trouble reaching dead on. His mouth wraps around your clit, sucking on it like hard candy.

“Gon’ get a cavity from all this sugar,” he mumbles into your pussy, and the rumble of his laugh vibrates through you.

He thinks he’s so goddamn funny…

“Oh fuck,” you cry out.

It hits you like a rocket. He curls his fingers just right and you’re seeing stars, being pulled up and away into the atmosphere. He doesn’t stop drinking you in until you’ve floated back down to Earth.

Insatiable.

Your eyes are closed, but you feel his soft lips kissing your neck. He nibbles at your earlobe before whispering, “Did so good for me, such a good girl.”

Good girl. Good girl. Good girl.

It’s like a trigger. All the satisfaction from your climax faded and was replaced by a deep need to be full of him, to take him in and again until you fell into the night sky together.

“Fuck me p-please, please Joel, I need it,” you whine, hands clinging to his broad shoulders.

“Oh sugar,” he coos, “I’ve got you.”

Joel uses one hand to pull you into his lap and straddle his thighs, while the other unbuckles his belt. You scramble to undo his zipper, tug his pants and boxers down, and unveil his—

Oh fuck.

Whatever it was before, it’s definitely his huge dick now. You let out a whine when your fingers wrap around the base without being able to fully encircle it. He rolls a condom down over himself before gripping your hips and guiding you to hover over the flushed red tip. Your forehead is pressed against his as you sink down, gasping at the stretch.

“Good girl, that’s it. It’s big, ain’t it?”

You huff against his cheek, “S’ big.”

“You can take it. Gonna take all of my cock, sugar.”

You do. Your toes curl and you feel like he’s splitting you open, but you take all of him. He rubs circles on your clit, making you gush around him and relax enough to move. With your hands braced on his shoulders, you start rocking your hips and slowly finding a rhythm. Every thrust is electric and the sweet sounds of how wet you are fill the car.

You’re clamped around him, raising and falling harder, faster. Whimpers spilling out of your lips as Joel thrusts into you, meeting your hips with his. You were close, your climax was racing towards you when his thumb found your clit again. Just a few touches to the bundle of nerves and you were toppling over the edge, head thrown back then falling limp into his neck. You shake in his arms as he continues to fuck you in his lap, quickly reaching his own release.

“Fuckin’ goddamnit, sugar,” he pants into your ear as he finishes.

He keeps you like that, strong arms holding your body close against his as you both catch your breath. You have no objections, nuzzling further into him and gently carding your fingers through his hair. It’s been a few minutes before he breaks the silence.

“Sugar?”

You hum and smile into his skin as a response.

“Could I get your number and, uh, maybe we do this again? Dinner too?”

He had the audacity to sound bashful while his cock was still inside you. You look up to see a pink tint to his cheeks, and you have to answer with a kiss. Slow and sweet.

---

💕💕💕 Thank you for reading 💕💕💕

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #the last of us #hbo the last of us #hbo tlou #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fic #joel miller imagine

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https-florals · 2 years

Text

banana pancakes - j.m.

word count: 2,347

summary: soft slow morning sex with JJ.

warnings: smut under the cut, minors dni!!! really soft fluffy smut, very slight dacryphilia (literally just mentioned in dialogue)

a/n: would have never guessed that outer banks would be the hyperfixation to pull me out of my smut writing block but here we are!!! likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

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You could never wake up in a bad mood at the Chateau. Even on the mornings after partying hard, the hangover always seemed a little weaker; not as rough and it would have been anywhere else. It’s like the place was laced with dopamine, a bubbly warmth spreading through your body the second you walked in. It was a similar feeling creeping through your veins right now, waking up with JJ’s face buried in your neck.

Laughter and the sound of cookware clashing together come from the kitchen. Somebody is blaring Jack Johnson, and you hum to the song as you try to extract yourself from JJ’s grasp.

He groans, shifting so most of his body weight is on top of you.

“J!” you manage to choke out, trying to squeeze out from under him.

“S’too early,” he grumbles, pushing his face into your chest. You can practically feel him grin against your boobs, and you roll your eyes as you finally push him off.

“You’re such a perv,” you joke as JJ rolls onto his back, hands behind his head. He’s so pretty in mid-morning light, you think as you watch the soft shift of muscle in his bicep. The ends of his dirty-blonde hair are so sun-bleached that they glow in the sun like pure gold, and you card your fingers through it like it’s an involuntary reflex.

JJ is still grinning as he takes your wrist and presses a kiss to the palm of your hand. “Morning, sweetheart.” He pulls you back on top of him, like he’s stuck to your skin with superglue. With his chest bare underneath your fingertips, you think that JJ Maybank is the prettiest boy on the cut. You kiss him, hoping to get the point across. It’s like pure heaven when his hands smooth up your thighs to rest on your hips, playing with the band of your underwear as he pushes your shirt- his shirt- up. You could never get tired of mornings like this.

JJ’s tongue has just slipped over yours when there’s a loud clanging somewhere in the back of the house, then someone shouting, “Pancakes are done!”

You practically jump off him, much to his disappointment, and yank on a pair of his boxers that’s resting on the dresser.

“Hey!” JJ whines as you slip through the doorway.

“I’m gonna bring you some!” you promise. Everybody except you and JJ are in the kitchen, you realize as you step into the room. The little galley- style kitchen is a little too packed, with Kiara flipping pancakes on one side, Sarah cutting up strawberries and bananas on the other. Pope is sat at the table with all his textbooks spread out, and John B is rolling joints across from him. It’s such a mismatched little group, but you couldn’t love it more. You snatch a strawberry from Sarah’s cutting board, yelping when she tries to pinch you in return.

“Look who’s up,” Kiara says, smiling as she flips two pancakes onto a plate. “If you’re trying to take these to JJ, I’m not letting you. He can come get them himself.”

You roll your eyes, grabbing the plate. “Do you wanna deal with a hungry JJ? Cause I don’t wanna deal with a hungry JJ.”

Kie sighs, but nods and puts two more pancakes on your plate nevertheless. You utter a thank you, then Sarah is piling fruit on top of your stack. “It’s sweet, how you act all motherly.”

“Freud would be so proud,” Pope comments, not even looking up at you.

You fake gag, Sarah bumping against you as she laughs.

Kie calls him out, saying, “Don’t make it gross, Pope.”

Maple syrup is your last pancake topping, and with two forks and some napkins in hand, you’re all set. You’re focusing on balancing the plate in one hand and your metal water bottle in the other, when John B shouts after you, “Remind J we’ve got a surfing date.” He holds up one of the joints, adding, “I’m even packing us a picnic.”

“I gotta get this study guide done,” Pope states. “Take your time.” He waves you off, and with that you slip back into the bedroom, just to find JJ sound asleep again. You set the plate on the nightstand, and crawl over him, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “J,” you whisper, rolling your hips into his without even realizing what you’re doing. His eyes fly open, hands clamping onto your hips. “And I’m the perv?”

You sit up, frowning, but JJ keeps you where you are, hands like a vise. “I was trying to give you breakfast in bed, but of course all you think about is sex,” you scold, like a liar.

His expression hasn’t changed from that punchdrunk grin. “What kind of breakfast are we talkin’ here?” He’s proving your point and he knows it, but you can’t say much. You’d let him do whatever he wanted to you at any time, but the pancakes are warm, and you don’t want them soggy. You climb off him as he leans up, and set the plate in his lap. “You need like, real nourishment.”

“I could live off you and be the healthiest man on earth.” JJ’s grin is cocky, his hand not leaving your hip.

You roll your eyes, ignoring the little twist in your stomach, and take a bite of the pancakes. They’re perfect, and you force a bite into JJ’s mouth before he can protest.

“Isn’t that so good!” you exclaim, taking a few more bites before you give him the fork.

“Bet it doesn’t taste good as you, though.” He sets the plate on the bedside table, pulling you onto his lap again. JJ kisses you soundly, tasting like bananas and syrup.

“You’re supposed to go surfing with the boys,” you remind him as he trails kisses down your neck, and he pauses.

“Baby.”

“Yeah?”

“I got all the time in the world. Now do you want me to fuck you or not?”

You wrinkled your nose, answering with a “Fuck is such a harsh word.” But you’re pulling the blanket up around you and wiggling out of your underwear.

“Fine. Make love,” he laughs, and you can feel him twitch through his boxers. He’s already hard and it makes you smile.

“That’s just a little cringe,” you reply, taking his hand and pushing it between your legs.

JJ kisses you as his fingers dip into you, forever loving the way you gasp against his lips. “Whatever you want, I’m your man.”

“My man needs to touch me,” you state, grinding into his palm, desperate for a little friction.

His eyebrows quirk up, and two fingers slip into you quick, working you open. “Then who the hell’s fingers are in you right now?”

You slump against him as his thumb begins to circle your clit.

“You’re soaked, baby,” he groans.

Of course you’re still wet. It’s a little bit leftover form last night, from JJ fucking you hard like you were dying tomorrow. It’s also partly from the sun bouncing off his hair, the slope of his abdomen, the gravel in his voice as he sweet-talks you. “Think you can take it?”

You nod fervently, pushing his boxers down and positioning yourself over him. You’re still a little achy from last night, but the tiny discomfort is worth it.

That first push is always heaven. Your foreheads are pressed together as you sink down onto him, breathing in tandem. It’s slow and soft like a Saturday morning, all smiles and gentle touches.

“All mine,” is the only thing tumbling past JJ’s lips as he fucks up into you, his pupils blown.

You’re both quiet, all too aware of your friends still in the house, but the sex isn’t rushed. His hands creep under your tshirt, thumb grazing your nipple and staying there. You could never get tired at the way he smiles at each of your little noises. His head is tilted back against the stack of pillows, the muscles in his abdomen tensing as he fucks you gently.

“J,” you exhale, hands flat on the plane of his stomach. “You’re so fucking pretty.” You can’t help but babble on, practically drunk on his taste, his smell.

“Shut up. I’m gonna come in two seconds if you keep talkin’ like that.

You smile, and fall quiet for a moment as you kiss him. It’s open-mouthed and messy, sharing breath.

His eyes are wider than the moon and bluer than the aquamarine stone in your necklace.

He slips his hand between you, finger just grazing your clit. A almost pornographic moan slips past his lips as you clench around him at that first touch, and you do the same in quick succession as he rubs that little bundle of nerves again. His rhythym stays slow, and though it stutters a bit, it doesn’t falter. You like rough sex as much as the next girl, but something about this lazy morning intimacy drives you wild. You swear you can feel every vein and ridge of his cock, the gentle speed making everything so heightened. JJ feels the same. He takes his time with you, rough palms smoothing over every curve of your body. There isn’t a square centimeter if your skin that JJ hasn’t touched.

He deepens the pressure on your clit little by little, but still keeping the slow pace.

You’re a mess, whining and writhing above him.

“Come on, sugar. You need to come, pretty girl?”

You slump against him, with your mouth on his collarbone, and whine.

He tilts your head up so his eyes meet yours, and he shushes you softly. “Lemme hear you ask.”

“Please, J.”

“Fuck.” His eyes roll back as he bounces you a little quicker, rubs your clit a little harder. His touch slips away for just a second, and you groan, brows furrowed. “What the fuck, J?” It’s a little rude, and he smacks your ass as a little rebuke.

“You’re being mean,” he shushes as he sits up and pulls your legs around him. The slight shift lets him hit a little deeper, and your head rolls back. JJ has a cocky grin plastered on his face, and it just gets wider when his fingers return to your clit. “Feel good, darlin’?”

You can only get out two coherent words in between your stifled moans, babbling, “S’good. S’good.”

A knot begins to tighten in your abdomen, hot and heavy. JJ knows your signs all too well, and keeps pressing on.

“You close?”

Like he doesn’t know the answer. You nod, and he presses his forehead against yours.

“I want you kissing me when you come, pretty. Think you can do that?”

The task seems simple enough, but as JJ pushes you closer to the edge, your head keeps falling back, causing him to remove his fingers and use that same hand to push your face back to his. “I had one request, baby. C’mon.” His tone is playful, but it’s frustrating nonetheless. You’re determined to keep your lips on his.

You can feel him twitch inside you, and the knot in your stomach begins to unravel. Your mouth is open against his, breath hitching in little sobs, tongues meeting then parting then meeting again.

Your orgasm hits you like a truck, and JJ kisses you hard, just in time to at least muffle your moans. He stutters inside you as he fucks you through your high, and it takes seconds for him to come crashing down with you. JJ has always been noisy, almost more than you at times, and you have to clamp you hand over his mouth as he groans a string of curse words randomly interjected with your name. There’s a lull to the movement of both your hips, but he doesn’t pull out immediately. You can feel the mix of you two slipping out, and you move off of him, grinning at his annoyed whine. “Just wanna have you sit on me for a while, babe,” he pleads.

“You have a surf date,” you remind him, kissing his cheek.

“Surf date, smursh date,” he mutters, swinging his legs off the bed and pushing himself up.

You drink in the view as you crawl under the covers and grab the plate of pancakes. His back muscles bunch and smooth as he pulls on his trunks and a cutoff tee. “Y’know, we could have slow sex for the rest of our lives and I’d never get bored,” you muse, taking a bite of pancake. They’re a little cold and soggy now, but you don’t mind that much.

“Yeah, but you’re so pretty when you cry.”

“Don’t be gross. You’re not changing my mind on this, Maybank.”

He kisses you on the forehead, soft and sweet. “Let’s go out tonight,” he proposes, switching the subject seamlessly.

“And do what?”

JJ pushes the baby hairs out of your face, answering, “Let’s go out on the boat! I’ll bring some weed and snacks, and you just bring your pretty little self. We’ll figure out something to do.”

You give him a dubious look, but your excitement peeks through. “Why do I feel like that something is gonna be sex?”

“Well, I was thinking we could stargaze, but I’m cool with sex if you are.”

You punch him in the arm and he laughs, pinching your sides in return.

“J!”

“C’mon, baby, it’ll be fun!”

You finally grab his hands in an effort to keep him from tickling you. “We can’t have sex on the boat. Sound carries so bad out on the water. The whole island would hear.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “Maybe I want the whole island to know that I, JJ Maybank, am fucking the hottest girl in Kildare.”

You push his head away and press your lips together, trying to feign disgust, but you’re blushing.

JJ kisses you and wipes the look off your face. “So, 8?”

“You’re such a freak,” you laugh.

He opens the door and starts to slip out. “Only for you.”

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #obx #obx3 #obx fanfiction #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rudy pankow #jj obx fic

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nottsangel · 2 years

Note

Heyy had this random thought of JJ and reader doin the spicy tango but then the reader gets a call and JJ just keeps on fucking them throughout the call

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

warnings: smut, vaginal sex

nav. // m.list // taglist

not my gif. credits to owner.

“Oh my god, J!” you moaned with your mouth agape as JJ continuously rammed into you. Your shaking legs were hooked around his torso and your nails dragged down his muscular back. “Gonna make you cum so hard, baby. Oh fuck, you feel so fucking good” He groaned as he eagerly kissed your neck, which was covered in hickeys. “God, right th-“ you were cut off mid-sentence by your phone that started ringing from beside you. You paid it no attention since you figured you would call the person back later. JJ continued pounding into you, not slowing down whatsoever as he peeked at your phone to see who it was.

“It’s Sarah” he said before moving his head closer to yours. “Pick it up” he whispered, causing your eyes to widen. “W-what?” you stuttered. “You heard me. You wanna cum, sweet girl? Then pick up the phone while I fuck you” you hesitated for a moment, unsure if he was being serious, but the look on his face said it all as he continued mercilessly pounding into you.

You hastily reached for your phone beside you while your ringtone blasted throughout the room mixed with the sounds of your moans. You took another glance at him in anticipation of him telling you that he was joking, but he didn’t. So you tried to keep your composure by softly biting your lip while he jammed into you ruthlessly.

“Y-yes?” you stammered as you answered the phone. JJ smirked down at you proudly as he thrusted even deeper into your dripping cunt. “Y/n! I’m calling because of the party tomorrow. I searched through my entire closet but I can’t find anything to wear. Can I maybe borrow some clothes from you? Please?” Sarah asked in a sweet voice, oblivious to the fact that JJ was buried balls-deep inside of you, repeatedly hitting the one spot that made your toes curl. You felt lightheaded, drowning in pleasure. JJ’s cock slid in and out of you with ease, given how wet you were. But you calmly closed your eyes to switch your focus to Sarah.

“Uhh, yeah… god! Yeah… sure” was all you could manage to say, one hand holding the phone and the other one clutching onto JJ’s strong arm for support, your nails digging into his skin as he maintained eye contact with you.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked, her voice laced with concern. You were about to respond when JJ, with a mischievous grin on his face, moved one hand to your core and rubbed slow circles on your clit. Your entire body tensed at the feeling, causing you to only bite your swollen lip harder.

You took a big gulp before answering Sarah, “Yeah! Yeah, totally. You can…” God, it was so difficult to concentrate. You felt your release nearing as JJ sunk deeper into you and his fingers quickened their pace on your clit. “You can come by tomorrow!” you said in one quick breath before biting your lip again instantly to contain the moans that were about to escape your mouth.

“Uhm… ok-okay. See you tomorrow” Sarah stammered, sounding confused as she ended the phone call. Thank fucking god. You felt your body relax the moment the call ended and loud moans were leaving your mouth immediately. JJ moved closer to you with a content smile before passionately kissing you.

“Hmm, such a good girl. You deserve to cum now, princess.”

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated since they keep me motivated to write more!!

🏷 tags (join here): @tpwkweasley7 @hthej @vxntxque @goingbackt0505 @hybridluv @uhhhidk9 @heroftbiggestfan

#❥ ari’s works #jj maybank #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x fem!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #outer banks smut #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank fanfic #obx smut #jj maybank fanfiction #outer banks #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #obx #jj maybank drabbles #jj maybank drabble

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alimaybankkk · 1 year

Text

𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲

summary: jj’s super clingy, making u very nervous. but when he pulls a stunt while surfing, everything goes downhill.

warnings: mega incredible sobbing blade licking angst. hints to smut. hints to sex. suggestiveness. so sad. actually so sad so sad sobbing angst most angstiest angst i’ve ever angsted

pairing: clingy asf jj maybank x sorta clingy reader

“wake up, baby,” i hear. the tickle of my boy’s hair rubs against my arm, making me squirm ever so slightly. “come on.”

i shake my head and lean my head into his neck, leaving a kiss. “there’s no point in waking up early. go back to sleep.”

“no, yes, i mean…” jj splutters. “yes. there’s a reason to get up. wanna go surfing?”

my eyes open widely, looking into his. he smirks and grabs my hand, pulling me up. once i’m up, he wraps his arms around my waist and stands there.

i cup his face in my hands, wondering what i did to be so lucky to have a boy like him.

“kiss me, please,” he mumbles, tracing circles on my back.

i grin and lean into him, capturing his lips with mine delicately. he melts into the kiss, hands roaming around my waist.

when i finally pull away for air, he tugs me into him for a hug. something about jj’s behavior was unusual. “j?”

“yeah, baby?”

“you okay?”

he hums into my hair, planting a kiss. “just love you so much.”

“you love surfing, too, right?” i ask.

he shrugs. “not more than you.”

“what about a combo of me and surfing?”

he giggles into my hair and i feel him nod. “yes, please.”

“then let me get a damn swimsuit on.”

he chuckles but finally lets go, placing one last small kiss to my lips. i grin at him and push him onto the bed. then i make my way to the dresser and find a bathing suit.

i look back and notice his eyes are trained on me. “j. go get changed.”

“i wanna—”

“please, baby, we need to go soon?”

he looks as if he were about to resist, but instead he groans. “damnit. love you.”

“love you more,” i tell him and watch him disappear out the door.

i pick out a hot pink bathing suit and a mid thigh length crotchet skirt. once i’m dressed, i grab my water bottle and head out of my room.

before i could even make it out, i see jj sitting on the floor. i sigh. “jj, are y’kidding me?”

he hums and stands, picking me up and carrying me bridal style. “let’s go!”

“jj, put me down. right now. not joking.”

he chuckles, bringing me into the living room of the chateau. i squeal as he throws me onto the couch (gently.)

“where is everyone?” i ask.

“d’you think we were going with them?” jj asks.

i can’t help but feel disappointed. sure—i love my boy—but i also kind of wanted to hang out with my friends too.

“yes, to be honest.” i smile. he shrugs.

“yeah, they’re coming. i just don’t know where they are.”

i nod and he sits down next to me, hand on my thigh. he grins. “in the meantime…”

i send him a smirk as his hands trail upwards and he leans in for a kiss. he starts leaving kisses going down my neck, causing me to moan until—

“eww,” john b shields his eyes from his vision.

i look up to see john b, sarah, kie, pope, and cleo all staring at us. i cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.

“no way they were trying to fuck on jb’ s couch…” kie whispers to sarah who lets a giggle leave her lips at this.

jj rolls his eyes. “what? not like it hasn’t happened before.”

before i could even think, i slap him across the face. “jj!”

he chuckles as the group stands in awe. john b lets out a fake gag and pops screams.

“you gotta clean that, man. john b doesn’t play,” cleo suggests.

“true. clean it when we get home. everyone get your surfboards.”

jj gave me a smirk before helping me up off the couch and taking me outside to grab the surfboards.

as i reached to grab mine, he simply smacked my hand away and nodded. “go get us a seat in the car. i’ve got it, mama.”

i nodded, giving him a kiss on the cheek and making my way to the twinkie.

i fiddled with your fingers impatiently as john b climbed into the car. he leaned over to pope who was sat in the passenger seat and whispered, “they’re obsessed.”

pope didn’t say anything. he only leaned back and looked at me, then nodded.

“fuck you guys…” i mumbled.

kiara giggled as cleo and sarah slid in next to her. “you are obsessed, y’know.”

i shook your head. “i love jj and when he’s clingy, but it’s mostly him.”

“oh, so you’re not clingy?” john b teased.

“i mean.. i am… like i love being close to him, but you know how jj is. he always wants to be with me. if i’m changing, bathing, studying, eating…”

john b turned around, suddenly looking shocked. “wait… do you not like it?”

“i love that he’s like that. but sometimes it makes me worry. we’re not always together. sure, i hate that. but what happens when he’s home alone or hanging out with you guys? i can’t imagine what happens to him.”

john b and pope looked at each other. “he fidgets a lot. a lot like you’re doing.” said pope.

i looked down at my hands, realizing i was picking at my fingers and seperated them.

“he always talks about you,” john b agreed.

kiara simply looked down at her lap, deep in thought. “the dude’s got it bad.”

i frowned. “honestly, so what? does it have to be a bad thing?”

“not when he’s with you, but when he’s without you, he’s a wreck.” pope sighed.

we all stopped talking when jj hopped into the car. everyone cleared their throats and i just stared at jj.

he beamed, seeing me and immediately rushed to touch me.

our friends watched us worriedly as we kissed. i turned to the front as he wrapped his arm around my waist. i felt hopeless.

“john b, didn’t you check the weather before hand?” sarah asked as the rain started pouring on us.

john b looked up at the sky, raindrops on his skin. “well of course i did, sarah cameron. storms are the best waves to surf on!”

i looked up at the dark gray sky as a boom of thunder and lightning added to the atmosphere, causing a pit in my stomach.

looking over at jj nervously, i noticed he was grinning excitedly, gripping his surfboard tighter.

he looked over at me, practically jumping with anticipation. “ready to hit those waves, mama?”

i stepped back. “j, i think we should stay back.”

“no way, bro. look at them! that’s the rush of your lifetime right there, sweetheart.”

i looked at the life in his eyes and i knew. i knew he would surf the waves no matter what i told him. but i still wanted to try. “baby, please. look how dangerous they are.”

he shook his head. “come on, pretty girl. let’s go before they die down.”

“jj, no. i’m not risking getting hurt. do you see them?”

“‘course i see them! they’re beautiful. come on, baby, please.”

the pogues were watching us intently. kiara finally spoke up, “it’s not a big deal. jj surfs waves like these all the time.”

i gave her an incredulous look. “fine. then if jj wants to ride those waves, then he can do it without me.”

“n—no, baby, please come surf with me. ‘t’s what we came here to do!” he begged.

i ripped my hands out of his hood and walked back toward the twinkie, shaking my head. “no way i’m going to get hurt.”

sarah sighed and looked at our friends apologetically. “me… me too. those look dangerous.”

kie rolled her eyes. “come on, guys. p4l? what happened to that?”

i shrugged. “there was never a rule about having to surf deadly tides.”

sarah agreed and followed me to the twinkie.

for the twenty minutes, i’d been watching our friends nervously. cleo and pope had backed out at the last minute and climbed into the twinkie with us, flinching at every lightning strike.

i had to admit, i felt pretty shaken up by the storm, too, but i was more concerned about jj. i watched as he tiptoed on the surfboard and held my breath.

“what the hell is wrong with him?” sarah asked. “he’s going to kill himself.”

“stop, shut up, sarah,” i couldn’t help but say. she frowned and leaned back in her seat.

obviously jj looked hot right now. the wind from the storm blowing in his hair, the curve of his abs as he positioned himself on his surfboard…

i watched as he jumped. a wave came in between him and the surfboard at that exact moment, knocking him into the air and being pulled under a wave.

“holy shit!” pope screamed. i didn’t even think before i sat up and opened the door of the car, running into the pouring rain.

“jj!” i screamed.

he was so far out that i feared i wouldn’t get to him in time. the waves pounded my face over and over again, pulling me down. i fell to my knees at the shore but i stood immediately, jumping over the waves that took my breath.

there was a wave that pulled me under water, but when it happened, i resorted to swimming. he was still so far way. my baby.

“jj!” i sobbed through the saltwater.

i somehow realized john b and kiara were still surfing. they hadn’t noticed jj and i knew surfers get pulled down all the time. i knew it. i was a surfer myself. but jj was surfing storming rides. he was in an area away from john b and kie where the waves pounded harder.

he was still under the water. i lost where he was, but i paddled to where i remembered he was.

once i got there, i coughed the water out of my lungs as i cried, “J!”

“ahh!” i screamed as a wave came down on me.

i was pulled underwater. i felt sand and rocks and seashells make their way under my bathing suit. i kicked and screamed, but i had to remain calm until the wave let me out.

finally, it did.

i saw him. he was floating helplessly on a wave as they were starting to calm down. “jj!”

his board was somehow still attached to his feet. water gushed from his mouth. i forced him onto the surfboard and tried my best to get him onto the shore.

the waves crashed over us, and i let out multiple cries, praying they wouldn’t hurt him.

“jj, please…” i said as i finally made it to the shore. i pulled his surfboard up the beach and tried my best to press down on his chest.

i looked down at his stomach and saw a huge red gash that was now starting to fill with sand. i looked back at his surfboard and saw blood on the surface.

“shit… jj!” i sobbed. he didn’t even wake up. i reached up to his neck and felt for a pulse, but i felt nothing under my fingertips.

“jj, wake the fuck up, now.” i cried.

i didn’t know how to do cpr, but i still tried my best. i blew into his mouth and continued to pump his chest. nothing happened.

tears rolled down my cheeks, staining his face and chest.

suddenly, it felt like everything was in slow-mo when sarah and pope came to help me.

pope slapped him across the face over and over again.

“j…” i sobbed. “jj, please, please wake up.”

more shouting was heard when john b and kiara made their way up the shore.

cleo came with a wash cloth and held it over jj’s cut, wiping a little bit of blood. “shit, man.”

“jj, please wake up… i love you so much.” i cried. i leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

“what the fuck happened?” john b asked, trying to shake jj awake.

“cough it up, j, please!” i sobbed. “i wish you didn’t do all this damn weed.”

“shit!” kiara screamed as she started pacing. “how… how do i help?”

“JJ WAKE UP!” i screamed. i let my voice drop to a whisper. “please baby.”

“these damn sensitive lungs,” cleo joked, but her smile was weak.

“kie, call an ambulance, hurry!” sarah cried.

“ambulance, okay. i can do that,” kie replied, pulling out her phone. “yup. i can call an ambulance.”

“we’re on the damn beach, sarah, how i’ll an ambulance get down here?” pope yelled.

“um… okay…. ask for life flight,” john b yelled. “hurry!”

“jj! please, please, jj…” i sobbed. pressing down on his chest, i cursed over and over again.

“hi… hi, yes, my name’s kie… um. i need a life flight immediately to the beach. uh, yeah track the location. there’s been a major surfing accident and you need to hurry because he’s dying and i don’t know if he’s dead already or not!”

“j, please…”

“come on, rude boy, pull through, you got it!” cleo yelled.

“jj, please hang on, okay?” i whispered in his ear, hoping he could hear me.

i held his hand and listened to the heartbeat monitor. it was beeping slowly. they were lines that were very close to straight lines.

“my baby. you’re gonna be okay, j,” i whispered.

kie put her hand on my shoulder. “the doctor’s coming.”

“okay.”

i didn’t move, though. she smiled. “he’s going to make it.”

happy tears rushed down my face. i looked around at my friends and we all immediately rushed to each other. we all were crying. i hugged everyone individually before returning to the chair i was sitting on.

“but there are a few problems,” the doctor clarified, tapping her clipboard. “he has a concussion and a broken wrist. he has to get surgery and stitches on his stomach.”

my heart clenched. my poor baby. i leaned down and kissed his forehead. “i’ll sign paperwork for everything.”

“you are going to sign paperwork?” the doctor asked. “i’m afraid only legal guardians may sign any paperwork.”

i looked at my friends solemnly. “ma’am i’m afraid his father won’t be able to sign it.”

“then his mother?”

“his mother is gone, miss.” i bit my lip.

“oh. well i don’t know what to say. why can’t his father sign it for him?” she asked.

tears rushed to my eyes. “his father wouldn’t want to sign anything that makes sure his son id healthy and safe. he’d probably just scold him and hurt him for pulling a stunt like that.”

the doctor pursed her lips. “i see.”

“so can i sign the paperwork?” i begged.

“i suppose so.”

i stayed up all night to make sure jj was okay. he slept pretty well. he hasn’t woken up last night, but the doctor said he would wake up in the morning.

i reached over to brush his hair out of his face. i traced circles and patterns on his cheek, peppered kisses on his bare skin, but he still slept soundly. i frowned and rolled over, going to let myself close my eyes for a little bit.

twenty minutes later, i felt an arm snake around my waist. as i was pulled closer to my boy, i turned over and grinned happily.

i was bent with the most beautiful eyes ever, grinning back at me. i immediately kissed him passionately, drowning myself in his lips. when i finally pulled away, i brushed the hair out of his eyes. “jj, oh my gosh.”

“hey, pretty girl,” he grinned. he kissed my cheek and i tightened my arms around his neck.

“i am so mad at you right now, you have no clue.”

“why?” jj asked.

“you know why…”

“i do…”

he smirked. “perhaps i should make up for it?”

“perhaps you should.”

a/n: sobbing banging my head off the wall

i was gonna make it so jj died but i decided not to.

this is so sad tbh

#jj x reader #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #jj mayback imagine #jj obx #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x routledge!reader #obx imagine #obx fic #outerbanks #obx #outerbanks fic #outer banks

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lidiasloca · 1 year

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azriel is so drunk he finally speaks his mind

azriel x reader

fluff

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

azriel would be very drunk at this Illyrian celebration at the camps.

and if his constant hiccuping wouldn’t have been proof enough of how much he had drunk, then the way he would cling to you was

“let’s get you to bed, youngling,” you’d tell him.

and you would move the arm he had over your waist and place it over your shoulders, guiding him outside as he staggered constantly.

he would give you a wide smile, his eyes almost disappearing within the motion

“younling? i’m older than you.”

“that doesn’t change the fact that you are young.”

he’d give it a though, as if it was an important subject.

“i guess yo-” hiccup. “you are sort of right,” he’d murmur, more to himself

“gods, you are so drunk,” you’d laugh

“i am not.”

“oh, you so are.”

“i am not.”

“liar.”

“drunk youngling.”

and when you wouldn’t hear his reply, you would turn your head to find him staring at you

and you’d realize you had stopped moving; now in the middle of somewhere, mid-path to Rhys’ tent.

“azriel, come on. it’s freezing here.”

but he would keep silent, regarding you as if he had never seen you before.

“the moon is so beautiful tonight,” he’d eventually whisper.

and you… you’d chuckle - drunk azriel was always fun, so unpredictable and unbothered.

“it is, azriel, but can we now go to the tent; i’m freezing.”

“i wasn’t looking at the moon when I said that.”

You’d frown - because, what?

“huh?”

“it’s not the moon that I think is beautiful,” he’d mumble.

“oh?”

“you are s-” and he’d hiccup again, which would make you grin. “so beautiful.”

and you’d be sure of how bad you were blushing in front of him.

“az, you’re drunk,” you’d laugh.

“that doesn’t change the fact that you are beautiful.”

you would smile even wider, and blush even redder.

“this is the part where you tell me i’m right, and that i’m smart,” he’d explain, moving his arm back to your waist, urging you closer.

“you - you are drunk.”

you’d watch as he looked down with a sweet smirk on his face.

but you would want to keep playing. “a drunk youngling.”

and he would finally look up, meeting your eyes with a chuckle.

“shut up,” he’d whisper smiling broadly.

-Characters by Sarah J. Maas

HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3

my first drabble! yeeeey. mmm, so i'm still trying to figure out what format of drabble I like the most. and gosh - I even wrote this whole thing without capital letters. adieu :))

#azriel drabble #azriel x reader #azriel fluff #azriel #azriel x female!reader #azriel x you #azriel acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x y/n #acotar fic #azriel fanfic #azriel fic

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scary-monsters · 3 months

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Rules: answer + tag 9 people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with

Tagged by @crown-of-winterthorne 🧡 thank you friend!!

Favorite Color: burnt orange is everything to me.. pair that with a deep avocado green and my eyes are very very very happy. special shoutout to mustard yellow and maroon as well.

Last Song: so cold by balu brigada, it's their newest song and i'm a big fan 🕺🏻 highly recommend these guys

Currently Reading: i'm such a fake reader.. i have a stack of books on my nightstand that i keep promising i'll dig into but i end up passing out every night before i get there 😭 i'm like mid-way through a little life by hanya yanagihara (had to stop because it was soul-crushing). i keep red, white & royal blue by casey mcquiston there because it's a comfort read for me, it's just very cute. and the two that i've been meaning to start are jurassic park by michael crichton and tin man by sarah winman. there's also a few fics i've been meaning to catch up on/start reading but tbh i've had a very difficult time reading in general lately so i'm not sure when i'll get to them.

Currently Watching: nothingggg... i rarely watch anything, omg this post makes me sound so BORING... the last thing i watched was challengers (which i really enjoyed) but that was a couple weeks ago, i think. when they finally animate SBR i'll watch that LOL

Currently Craving: diego brando... a vacation... a concert (/j /j /j) UHH IDK, i tried those new goldfish crisps a couple days ago and they were GOOD, i'd love more of those rn. that or these calamari chips my sister had me try the other day, those were delicious too

Coffee or Tea? tea, my stomach can't take coffee LOL. i don't drink tea much at all but good GOD i would die for boba right now

No Pressure Tagging: @phidont @luxario @unintent @reclusiveunicorn @homicidal-lingonberry @jojo-lane @his-body-and-blood @spacejasontodd @verystrongblimp UHH IDK normally i don't tag bc i don't wanna be annoying LOL, living without fear today i guess 💀 anyone else who reads this: consider yourself tagged too

edit: PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS 😭😭😭

#tbh i've had that balu brigada track on repeat lately it's so so so good and groovy #also idk why the last half of those tags aren't working HJFKDSG i tried to edit the post but tumblr sucks ig

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thetriumphantpanda · 1 year

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I Was Enchanted To Meet You | J. Miller Drabble

Summary | Literally just a Drabble about Joel being an era's tour dad, meeting a pretty girl in cowboy boots and flirting. That's it. It's dumb. This goes out to my girl Doni @morning-star-joy who is going to see Tay-Tay tonight and can now be delulu about meeting Joel Miller there. And also therapy for me because I'm in the UK and got waitlisted for tickets, so CRIES. I wrote this in like an hour so excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

Joel Miller didn't exactly understand when he'd signed up to take Sarah to her first concert. When she'd asked to use his credit card to buy the tickets, he'd just nodded and handed it over. When his bill came through the next month, he almost passed out from the cost. But stood here now, in seats that might very well give him a nosebleed, watching Sarah almost lose her mind over the fact that Taylor Swift was about to appear on stage, it was all forgotten. All Joel ever wanted was for his little girl to be happy.

He'd spent weeks listening to the songs, learning the lyrics so he might be able to sing along with Sarah. He watched her sit in front of the television each night making bracelets to trade, and he squirrelled away as much money as possible so he could buy her a t-shirt or something on the night too.

Joel was watching as Sarah swapped friendship bracelets with two girls to her right when something else caught his eye. Two people shuffling into the two seats that had been vacant in front of Joel and Sarah for most of the night. One of them, around Sarah's age, was almost as excited as his girl, bouncing up and down, looking around the stadium with eyes as wide as saucers, taking it all in, but you? You were something else entirely. You had a white cowboy hat sat on top of your head, not dissimilar to his own apart from the colour and the fact yours was covered in sparkly rhinestones. You had a white dress on, falling to your mid-thigh, made of lace and scalloped edges, and a pair of beat-up old brown leather cowboy boots. The literal picture of heaven on earth as far as he was concerned.

He watched as you pointed to the two seats in front of him and Sarah, motioning for the other girl to sit down so you could hand her the soda you were carrying. He noticed your wrists were covered in the same type of bracelets his daughter had been going wild for all evening. Almost on cue, Sarah leans over, tapping your shoulder.

"You wanna trade?" She asks, holding up her own plastic-laden wrist to show you.

"Hell yeah," You smile, nudging the girl with you, "Why don't you give this little superstar one of yours too?"

Joel watches intently as you let Sarah scan your wrists for the specific bracelet she wants, picking one made of pink beads, swapping it with one of hers that was made of black and gold. Joel had no idea what any of them meant, all he knew was that the bill for friendship bracelet materials on his credit card nearly rivalled the bill for the tickets.

"You want one as well, mister?" Your voice cuts through his thoughts, "Can't come and see Taylor and leave with empty wrists I'm afraid."

"Well, I ain't got anything to trade ya with." Joel shrugs.

"That's okay," you smile, "I'll forgive you, this time."

Joel keeps an eye trained on you as you search your wrists, obviously having something incredibly specific in mind for him. You find it, eyes lighting up as you pull it from your wrist and hand it over to him. He takes the delicate thing in his big palm - red, white and blue beads with letters in hearts that spell out 'Cowboy Like Me'. Very fitting.

"Thanks, Darlin'," He smiles, slipping it over his hand, "You been waiting to find the perfect man to give that to all night?"

You let your head fall back in a laugh and Joel thinks you might just be the prettiest goddamned girl he's ever seen in his life. Sarah is pulling at his wrist so she can see exactly what bracelet you've given her dad, laughing and then leaning forward.

"I made him wear the hat!" She exclaims, "Told him he had to fit in."

"Well, you made a good choice," You grin, "He looks mighty fine in his cowboy hat."

You finally turn your attention back to your companion - judging by your likeness he assumes it must be your little sister. You're pointing out things around the stadium for her to look at, and he can't help but find it endearing how she's bouncing in her seat at every little thing, much like Sarah had done when they'd taken their seats.

Joel feels a nudge to his side, Sarah is looking up at him with that glint he knows and loves so much - she's got an idea.

"She's really pretty, dad."

"Sarah!" He chastises, eye flickering to you to make sure you didn't hear what she'd said, but you look completely oblivious.

"She is though!" She retorts in a hushed whisper, "I think she likes you."

Joel brings a finger to his lips to try and get this devil of a girl to be quiet, but he can't help but indulge her - Sarah was right, you are really pretty, "She don't know the first thing about me," He finishes the conversation, "Now you sit tight, I'm going to find you a soda."

When Joel returns, to drinks in hand, he can see Sarah leant over the seats speaking to you. He dreads to think what she's been trying to cook up, seemingly obsessed with making sure he's not so lonely in life anymore.

"Move over," He asks, Sarah shifting to the seat he was in before he left, "Don't drink it all at once, you'll need it for all the screaming you're gonna do." He says, handing the soda to her.

Once he sits back down, you turn in your chair to speak to him.

"Sarah says you're a builder?" She asks, clearly just trying to make polite conversation with him whilst your sister speaks to Sarah.

"Contractor actually," He shrugs, as if it matters, "But yeah, I build stuff, what do you do?"

"I'm a teacher," You smile, "Teach 4th grade." He's about to ask you another question when every single person in the stadium starts screaming, he thinks by the end of tonight he might actually be deaf, "Well, you enjoy the show, mister, hope you learnt some lyrics."

Contrary to what he'd thought, Joel actually does enjoy the show. He sings along to some of the songs he remembers, dances with Sarah for most of the night and keeps a close eye on you during it all. You know every single word to every single song, just like your little sister and he has to admit that when you're throwing your hands in the air and screaming to the lyrics, he finds you prettier than he had done all night.

When all is said and done at the end of the night, you say a polite goodbye to him and Sarah. When he finally sits in his truck, waiting for the scores of traffic to clear so he can get them home, he kicks himself for not asking for your number, but resigns himself to the fact that it was fate. Meant to meet once and that was it. It's not until he's finally carried Sarah up to bed, fast asleep in his arms and settled down to unwind in front of the TV that he pulls his phone from his pocket and sees a message from an unknown number.

I was enchanted to meet you, Joel. Drinks? Saturday @ 6pm?

#pedro pascal #joel miller #the last of us #Joel Miller drabble #joel miller fluff #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fanfic #joel miller fan fiction #Joel Miller x you #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller x female reader #Joel Miller x f!reader #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #Sarah Miller #Joel and sarah

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youwouldntdownloadapizza · 8 months

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The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 3 - The Cabin

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

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pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.1k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: canon-typical violence, violence towards children, nightmares

Chapter 3 - The Cabin

By the time you descended the ladder, Joel had everything set up. A clean, if dusty and threadbare, blanket was spread before the fireplace. He’d managed to get the fire going, and while it hadn’t reached a roar, it was plenty hot enough to heat some cans for dinner.

“What are you in the mood for?” Joel asked, gesturing between two cans with a pilfered can opener. “I’ve got alphabet soup or beefy ravioli.”

“Ravioli, please,” you said decisively, taking a seat beside him on the blanket. It took a second of him staring at you expectantly for you to realize he was holding out your selection. You took it and dug in.

“Holy shit,” you nearly moaned, the zing of 20-year-old marinara a delight to tired taste buds.

“That good, huh?” Joel asked.

You nodded–yeah, it was really that good.

“Maybe Ellie’s onto something,” he chuckled, digging into his own dinner. You cocked an eyebrow. He elaborated, “She’s big on Chef Boyardee, too. Who knew he’d have so many fans in the apocalypse?”

“I don’t know,” you joked. “Fungal pandemics come and go, but pasta is forever.”

He laughed mid-chew, snorting so effusively a J-shaped piece of pasta landed at your feet.

“Huh,” you said. “J for Joel.”

You ate the rest of your food in relative silence, the levity of the first few bites subsiding once you realized how hungry you truly were.

A few minutes later, you set your empty can on the hearth with a clatter. “I’m gonna turn in.”

Joel nodded. “I’ll take first watch. Good night, Doe.”

“Night, Joel.”

Upon further inspection, the puke-covered couch appeared to convert into a mostly unscathed bed. It felt almost wrong to tuck yourself beneath such cozy bedding in your filthy patrol clothes. Especially since you had to be ready to spring into action at any moment, which meant your shoes stayed on too. But it’s not like there were other options. You lay your head atop the impossibly fluffy pillow, and let your eyes fall shut. Before you knew it, you were asleep.

* * *

You only ever saw Steffy in your dreams anymore. Your baby sister had been there for the collapse of the Salt Lake City QZ, escaping alongside you. But somewhere between fleeing and finding yourself at the gates of Jackson, you’d lost her. You’re not sure what happened exactly, but the dread in the pit of your stomach left no room for wondering: Steffy was dead.

She was alive right now, though. You were little again, sitting on the terracotta tiles of your Aunt Suzie’s back porch. It was summer, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the magnolia tree above you.

While the adults grilled, you and Steffy had a tea party. All the best dolls were invited, teddy bears too. Even Steffy’s favorite, a bedraggled rat plushie named Ratty.

“Ratty wants Earl Grey,” Steffy said, holding out a tiny teacup and saucer.

“Why, of course,” you replied in a bad British accent, pretending to pour him a cup.

Steffy made Ratty drink the whole cup in one gulp. “Dee-licious.”

You giggled. She giggled. It was contagious, the two of you devolving into downright guffaws when you noticed the adults’ chatter had stopped. Looking over your sister’s shoulder, your face fell.

“What’s wrong?” Steffy asked with a tilt of her head.

You wanted to tell her to run. You wanted to tell her to get behind you, that something was wrong. But you were frozen.

That’s when the clicker sunk its teeth into her neck.

You woke with a start, flailing wildly, arm connecting with something hard, something that let out an ‘oof’ in response. Joel. You had hit Joel. Based on the proximity, you guessed he was trying to wake you.

“Sorry,” you panted, heart still racing from your dream. “Time for my watch?”

“No,” you could barely make out the shake of his head against what was left of the dying firelight. “It’s only been a couple hours. You were flailin’ about, looked like you were having a nightmare.”

“Oh,” you said. “Thank you. I’m fine now.”

“If you’re sure,” he said. “I’m here, y’know. If you want to… talk about it, or anything.”

You were still shaky. Your heart was still going so fast. But you weren’t about to discuss your dead sister with Joel Miller.

“I’m fine.” You doubled down, softer than you meant to.

“Okay,” he backed off, returning to his spot leaned up against the fireplace, eyes on the door.

Minutes passed, and your heart was still racing. Your hand throbbed, and you wondered how hard you’d hit Joel. Hopefully not hard enough to leave a mark.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” you said softly through the darkness.

“It’s fine, Doe. You were dreaming.”

You hated the way he brushed away your concerns, the way he gave you grace. In your experience, people rarely let others off the hook, not really. There was always some resentment that lingered.

If you were going to owe him, you might as well really owe him.

“Joel?” you asked.

“Hm?”

“I can’t sleep,” you confessed.

“I don’t know what you expect me to do about that.”

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself to ask for what you wanted. “Will you cuddle with me? It’s not you, it’s just…I need another person. We’re safe here, we don’t need a watch, not really. And I need you.”

“Thought you said it wasn’t personal.”

“It’s not,” you bristled. “But I thought it would be nice.”

“Never said it wouldn’t be, sweetheart.”

You lay there expectantly for what felt like ages. Then, finally, you heard the squeak of old floorboards under his boots, and felt the squish of the mattress as he climbed onto it beside you. You found a position easily, one arm beneath your head, his other loosely draped across your waist.

Your heart slowed marginally, but your breathing remained fast and light.

“Relax, sweetheart. You gotta breathe.”

“I can’t–” you started. He cut you off with a hand to your stomach.

“You can.” He pulled you back against him gently, not so tight you were crushed, but just enough for you to feel the expanding and contracting of his own breath against your back. “Breathe with me, alright?”

You nodded with a shuddering breath. He tapped your stomach lightly with his thumb. You matched his inhale, breathing deeply and resenting the fact that this shit works every goddamn time. Within a few minutes, you were calm. Or as calm as you were going to get, anyway.

“I get them too, you know,” Joel admitted.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You were still pulled close against him, neither of you having made a move to scramble apart once your breathing returned to normal. At his admission, you relaxed into him fully, taking his free hand in yours.

Before you knew it, you were asleep once more, dreamless and deep, held safe and secure in the warmth of Joel’s embrace.

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller fic #the last of us #tlou #joel x reader #joel x you #no use of y/n #joel miller x f!reader #jackson era #joel lives #ao3 #fanfic #fanfiction

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tieronecrush · 1 year

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hot & heavy

chapter twelve: sunshine baby

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 6.7k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), feeling familial and self-pressure, established relationship, spanish cause joel is latino, oral (m receiving), dirty talkkk king joel miller, soft joel, possessive joel, mentions of depression and symptoms, struggling with self, discussion of parenting, angst, arguing, i'm sorry </3

a/n: everyone go give @northernbluess all the love for always helping me with beta-ing AND cause we are gonna be writing a fic together :)))) more info on her monthly recap posted the other day xx love ya bestie! y'all enjoy this chapter (i have a feeling it will be RIP to my notifs)

Mid-week, your usual nanny family lets you know that they won’t need you for the day and to take the day off. With no other plans, you decide to visit Joel at his work site for the day to bring him lunch. You throw something together and head out from the neighborhood, calling him on speakerphone. It rings a few times before the line clicks and his voice projects from the small speakers on your cell phone.

“Hi, Mari baby. What’s going on? Is something wrong? You never call when you’re working.” Joel’s side of the line is filled with background noise, men shouting, and construction sounds of hammers, saws, and machinery.

“Hey, J. Nothing’s wrong, I actually have the day off. Kristie called this morning after you left to say she was staying home for the day so I’ve got nothing to do,” you hold up your phone as you come to a stoplight, “So I thought I would come to visit you for a little bit. I made you some lunch. Where are you at today?”

Joel’s smile is evident throughout his response, his voice getting louder to be heard over all the noise, “We’re at the Maple Avenue site. Right at the corner of Lake St. Not too far from home, so I guess I’ll see you soon?”

“I will see you in, like, ten minutes. Already on my way.” The two of you make a bit more conversation before Joel has to hang up, saying that he has to go tell someone ‘how to correctly install a support beam’.

“Alright, gotta go, sweetheart. Love you.”

“Love you too, J. See you soon.”

Exactly ten minutes later, you’re pulling up outside of the work site, confronted with the vague shape of a house with the framing up. You grab the cooler bag from your passenger side and climb out of the car, crossing the road and walking up to the younger of the two Miller brothers that you see standing in front of a table of plans and chatting with an employee.

Tommy looks up and grins when he sees you, clapping the other guy on the back to grab his attention, “Look who it is! Y’know, George, you better tell the guys that they better thank this woman right here — she’s the one who’s made Joel less insufferable.”

With a roll of your eyes, you stride up to Tommy and give him a hug in greeting before stretching out your hand to introduce yourself to George. He excuses himself to get back to his task at hand, leaving you with Tommy and waiting for Joel.

“So what d’ya bring me, sis? If you bring a treat, better have enough to share with the class.” He grins mischievously and reaches for the cooler in your hand.

“Eh, none of that, Tommy! If you ask nicely, I’ll give you the food I so graciously brought for you.” You smile and set the bag on the makeshift table of folding saw horses and a plank of composite. Unzipping the bag, you pull out the extra food you made for Tommy and pass it over, laughing when he pulls you in for a squeezing hug.

“God bless you, Posey, I was gonna have to have a gas station lunch today with the amount of shit we have to get done.”

“Quit squeezin’ the shit out of my girl, Tommy.” Joel’s voice fills your ears and you laugh when Tommy pulls away, happily picking up his sandwich and unwrapping it to take a large bite out of it.

“Hey, just thanking her for feeding me, too. Also, this is good as fuck.” He points to the food in his hand while Joel sidles up next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head.

“You’re welcome, Tommy,” you reply, grinning before turning to your side while Joel gently squeezes your shoulder. “Do you have some time for lunch now? Or should I wait around for a bit?”

Joel shakes his head and smiles, leaning down to press a chaste kiss on your lips, “I’ll make time for you whenever, darlin’. Think everyone can survive for a bit without me.”

“Y’all are too much. I’ve never seen my brother like this, Posey. Please continue to keep him happy cause he’s a much better boss these days.” Tommy laughs loudly when Joel shoots him a look of annoyance, the younger Miller turning to head into the framed home to check in on the rest of the work being done. Joel picks up the cooler bag from the table and takes your hand, nodding toward the street.

“C’mon, Mari, we can eat in the truck bed. Probably better than a construction site.”

The two of you sit on the edge of the truck bed, eat, and chat about the day. Joel mentions how much work he has left for the day, clearly stressed about getting enough done before he has to leave to get Sarah. You offer to pick her up from camp and bring her home, planning to make dinner so Joel can stay longer to get some extra tasks checked off his to-do list before the weekend.

After finishing up your meal, the two of you walk back up to the site, Joel taking you on a tour through the bones of the house. He explains the vision for each room and the finishes he’s going to propose to the family building it. You follow along with him, smiling at his enthusiasm as he gestures about bay windows and oak flooring.

When the two of you are standing alone in what will at one point become a bedroom with a view of the tree-lined backyard, Joel pauses and turns to you. Taking your hands in his, he looks down at them as he laces your fingers together before meeting your eyes with a tender smile.

“Y’know, I could build somethin’ like this for us one day. We could find a piece of land we love, maybe a little bit further out of the city to get some more space. Really make it our own…”

A squeeze of his hands reassures him in the moment, matching his sweet smile with your own, “That sounds wonderful, J. But I have to say, I like our house now.”

Your smile grows wider when Joel’s does, his brown eyes catching the midday sunlight and creases at their outer corners deepening along with his dimple. He pulls you into a tighter embrace, kissing you gently before nudging his nose against yours.

“Te amo, mi Mariposa.”

“I love you too, J.”

Music is playing from the CD player when Joel walks through the door later than he usually does. His shoulders are tense, his back is aching, and all he wants to do is sink down onto the couch and relax with you and Sarah. Toeing off his work boots and tossing his keys onto the entryway table, he bites back a smile hearing the slight commotion that is you cooking — some of that noise contributed by Sarah messing around with everything, too.

The next song clicks over on the tracklist, the beginning notes of ‘Sara’ by Fleetwood Mac, a favorite in the Miller home since his little girl was born. He remembers singing it to her when she was an infant, letting her dance on his toes when she was younger. It’s been a while since he heard it, and walking to the doorway into the kitchen, a wide grin stretches across his face. The deep, dull ache in his muscles lightens at the sight of you dancing with Sarah, singing all of the words to her and her singing along with what she knows.

“Said Sara, you're the poet in my heart…Never change, never stop…” your voice carries over the stereo, Sarah’s popping in on the last two lines. Joel stands to the side, crossing his arms over his chest as he watches the two of you twirl around the island. At one moment, you catch his eyes and beam brightly at him, waving him closer and reaching out a hand for him to join.

He does just that, scooping up Sarah with a grunt to hold her in his arms while you rest a hand on his shoulder and one on Sarah’s back. The three of you move and sing together, the butterfly in Joel’s chest rapidly pounding its wings and bouncing against his rib cage.

This is all that matters, this is what he envisions for his future. Small moments like this, altogether, his girls — and maybe another baby or two.

A simple life.

The next couple of weeks are packed with nights spent between all three of you, weaving your unit tighter together. Board game night with Sorry and Monopoly, and a sore loser Joel who insisted that the official rules be read aloud, even in the instance that his own daughter was the game winner — only just pushing him out of the top spot.

There was another evening spent at the arcade and bowling alley, a rainy day that washed beyond sunset. All of you ran from the truck into the building, shaking off the droplets before weaving your way through the games until the bag of quarters you and Sarah had gathered dwindled completely. A round of bowling was played, Joel being ‘generous’ (his words) to allow the bumpers to be put up for Sarah…and you.

The latest evening, Friday night, was spent alone with Joel while Sarah was at a sleepover. Your parents were out of town with friends for the weekend, and Chris was out with some college buddies who were visiting Austin, leaving the house free for you. Joel came over, crawling into bed with you after another long day at work, and the two of you languidly spent the evening shifting between random conversations, lying together quietly, running ghostly touches over each other until the tension snapped. Intermittently, the air between the two of you would heat up, leading gentle touches to be filled with more pressure and building up until the room was filled with breathy moans and begging.

Joel unravels you once with his hands, another with his mouth; the third time he reaches for you, soft and low pleadings to fill you up, you flip him around onto his back. Trailing kisses down his bare torso, you stop at his waistband and peel away the cotton of his boxers from his sweat-sheened skin. A long sigh deflates his chest when you take him into your mouth, his precum and your saliva mixing in slick as you work your head up and down at a steady pace. He’s propped against your headboard, pillows shifted behind him, and a mesmerized, open-mouthed, and heavy-breathed look on his face as he watches you. His voice hits your ears in your focus on his pleasure, the things he’s compelled to say flooding between your legs all over again.

“Fuck, Mari…”

“Tu puta boca perfecta…(Your perfect fucking mouth…)”

“Such a good girl, a perfect fucking girl. Bet you love this, don’t you, mi zorrita? Love sucking my cock and makin’ me feel so good.”

“Gonna come — oh fuck, sweet girl, gonna let me come down your throat? Let me see you swallow it all, Mari baby?”

Your name leaves his lips in a breathless moan, his come shooting in thick ropes and spilling onto your tongue as he finishes. Lifting your head off of him, you show off the pool of it on your tongue before swallowing it and giggling as he quickly pulls you up for a sloppy kiss.

At the stroke of midnight, the two of you are treading water in your pool, only illuminated by the bulb string lights running across the pool deck. The water is warm from the sunlight simmering over it all day, the perfect bath temperature surrounding your bare bodies as you mess around. Evading Joel’s arms, teasing him as you swim away before he corners you, a satisfied smirk on his face when he stalks up to you and towers over you, tilting your head back with a dripping wet hand. He leans down to kiss you deeply, stealing the air from your lungs with its delicate intensity.

The light bounces off the surface of the water, reflecting in his eyes as you hold his gaze and silence falls over the two of you for a handful of heartbeats.

He speaks in a hushed voice as if any louder would shatter the moment, “M’gonna marry you. Gonna give you whatever kind of life you want — a house, babies, I’d move across the world with you if you wanted. Middle of nowhere. Whatever you want, Mari.”

A smile grows on your face, droplets littering your face as you match his volume, “The only life I want is one with yours.”

It’s morning on a Saturday and you’re rushing around the kitchen, sloshing coffee in your half-full mug and waiting for your toast to pop out. You have only about twenty minutes until you had promised to meet Joel and Sarah at his truck in his driveway, the time counting pressuring you, especially considering you’re still wearing your pajamas and have a bad case of bedhead.

There’s a brief moment to breathe as you take your finished toast out of the toaster and stand in front of the island to butter it, reaching for the jam as your mom walks in from the living room. You glance up at her before continuing your task, passing her a greeting that she returns while refilling her coffee mug.

“Oh, sweetie, I’ve been meaning to ask you about something.” Your mom turns toward you, leaning back against the counter. Your stomach flips at the statement, nerves at the ready to start to hear something along the lines of ‘So you and Joel…’ But that doesn’t come; instead, your mom continues with a different line of questioning. “You know Sherri’s son that was about a year older than you all throughout school?”

“Um, yeah, I think so. Isn’t his name Ollie?”

“Well, he goes by Oliver now, according to his mother, but yeah that’s him.”

Another look is exchanged when you glance up at her, picking up a piece of your quick breakfast and taking a bite. You speak with a mouthful, “Okay, so what about Oliver?”

There’s a look that your mother has given you over the years of being her daughter. It’s a smile, but not any old smile that she gives out willy-nilly. No, this is a smile for specific situations. When she really wants you to hear her out, to do what she’s suggesting — if you can even call it that. Most of the times she’s used it on you, it’s left you no choice but to follow through on what she wanted.

The look on her face is exactly that right now.

Along with that persuasive face, she stands from her place at the counter, striding over to you and resting a hand on your shoulder while she looks you in the eyes.

“Well, sweetie, you have been home for nearly the entire summer and I haven’t seen you with anyone but your college friends a couple of times or Joel and Sarah. And I mean, they’re lovely people, but you probably shouldn’t be spending your entire free time with a nearly ten-year-old girl and her dad…”

Inside, you find yourself flipping straight to anger, ready to defend those two with your life, to defend your actions by telling your mother everything. How Joel isn’t only Sarah’s dad, how he’s the man you’re in love with and have been in love with for the last few years. How Sarah isn’t your ten-year-old next-door neighbor, how she isn’t only a little girl you nannied for a summer. She’s a light in your life, a wonderful addition that you’ve received on top of your love for Joel. Sarah’s become like — like a daughter to you.

All of these words die in your throat, fearing the outcome — disappointment, possibly resentment from Joel, and confusion and likely anger from your parents for keeping such a secret. Instead, you continue to listen to your mother’s request.

“I was talking to Sherri about you, and she said that Oliver moved back from Chicago to Austin this summer, about a month ago, and he’s been looking for some people his age to hang out with — is that what y’all young people call it now? Basically, she said he’s been looking for a girlfriend. I thought, knowing he’s a sweet boy, that maybe you would be interested in meeting up with him?”

“Uh—um, I don’t—” you ramble, feeling your cheeks heat up in the scramble for a legitimate excuse.

“I mean, you don’t have to say anything now. But I got his number from Sherri so I’ve got it if you want to reach out to him. She said she chatted to Ollie—I mean, Oliver, and he said he remembered you and would absolutely be interested in gettin’ reacquainted.”

That same smile paints your mom’s face, tilting you in the direction of simply agreeing to get her to stop. But then your mind flashes you an image of Joel, laying next to him a few nights ago in bed with his boyish grin, giddy like a schoolgirl when you casually said ‘I love you’ to him before going to sleep. That is what you’re thinking of when you address your mother again, a smile of your own on your face from imagining your man.

“I’ll think about it, Mom,” you say, a flat out lie to appease her. You finish up your breakfast and down the rest of your now lukewarm coffee, rushing around her to the basement door leading to your studio. The answer is enough to satiate your mother, her returning with her filled coffee mug to the living room and leaving you to finish your mad dash to get ready for the day.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry! I woke up late and then I was trying to eat breakfast quick and my mom came in and was trying to talk to me and I still had to get ready—” you ramble as you rush across your yard to Joel’s driveway where he is awaiting next to his truck with Sarah already seatbelted in the back row. Joel holds his hands up and laughs, interrupting your train of explanation.

“Woah, woah, slow down, Mariposa. You’re like a minute late, we’ll still make it on time.” He nods to the truck, leading you around to the passenger side and opening the door for you, lending a hand for you to get up. While Joel rounds the front of the car again, you turn around in your seat after belting yourself in, smiling at Sarah.

“Hey, sweet pea. Excited about your softball game?”

“Hi, Posey! I’m excited, but also I know that Daddy’s gonna get annoyed about something the umpire does or the other team, so I’m sure he’ll get yelled at again.” Your head snaps to Joel when he climbs in, guilt all over his face as he cringes. The engine rumbles to life as it turns over, and the three of you start the drive across town to the tournament fields.

You shake your head and roll your eyes, turning back to Sarah. “Don’t worry about him today, I’ll keep him in line so y’all can have one game without him gettin’ too competitive for you all. You just have fun with your teammates and do your best.”

“Hey, I always want her to jus’ do her best. And I want the other team and the umps to do their best and not make poor calls or crappy plays.”

Sarah laughs at your playful back and forth, the two of you resigning the conversation to listen to the radio. Joel reaches across to take your hand in his, resting them both in your lap while the breeze from the open windows blows your hair around.

Before you know it, Joel is pulling into a parking spot at a park district site, the screams and laughter of children melding with the clink of metal bats and soft thuds of softballs landing in leather gloves. It pulls you back to your childhood, endless summer weekends spent across the state of Texas for your younger brother’s baseball tournaments.

Sarah whips off her seatbelt and scurries out of the car, running across the grass to meet her teammates at the dugout of their assigned field. Joel chuckles to himself and shakes his head, cutting the engine and turning to you.

“Ready to witness some riveting sportsmanship?”

“Well, from what Sarah said, I think I’ll have to keep an eye on you for your sportsmanship. Are you really one of those dads?” You lift an eyebrow, a smirk held back on your face.

“Maybe…”

With a shake of your head, you reach over and pat his thigh, warning him, “Be a good boy, and we’ll get some ice cream after. Deal?”

His thigh tenses under your touch, a quiet puff of a sigh leaving his parted lips. He shakes himself out of the daze, licking his lips and holding your eyes, “Do I get something else if I’m a good boy?”

“Maybe…” You throw his response back at him, peeling your hand from his leg with a satisfied smirk, and climb out of the truck to follow him toward the bleachers. Joel makes a detour to drop Sarah’s bag at the dugout, wishing her luck while you send her a wave from the seating area.

Climbing up a few rows, you shoot a friendly smile to the other parents there, all of them giving you a curious look. Settling on the bench, you rest your hands on either side of you, gripping the bleacher out of anxiety. The sun is beating down on you this afternoon, but it is nothing compared to the scorching stares you can feel from everyone around you, especially the mothers. A cool relief only comes when Joel makes his way over, stopping halfway up to you to chat with a couple that greet him cheerfully. You watch the umpires prepare the field, popping the rubber bases into place. The next moment, you hear your name called, following the sound to see Joel waving you over with a grin.

Carefully climbing down, Joel reaches out a hand when you’re close, helping you down to stand on the aluminum beam in front of him.

Introducing you to the couple seated in front of you, you share a smile with them while Joel’s hand rests on your waist, “This is Adam and Maria, they’re the parents of Sarah’s friend, Katie. Adam and Maria, this is my partner…”

You tune out the rest of the quick introduction when Joel uses your name, feeling a flip of your stomach when he drops the title so nonchalantly. You haven’t heard him say anything but ‘girlfriend’ in a lighthearted manner to Sarah or Tommy, and this feels way different. The word is definite, solid, and much more committed than the flippant terminology.

Getting out of your distraction, you make light small talk with Adam and Maria before Joel excuses the two of you as the game is about to start. He follows you up to the same spot you were holding before, sitting down next to you and tuning into the game immediately. Nothing more is said about how he introduced you, the tiny, one-word difference saying much more to you than any explanation could.

As Sarah’s team takes the field, Joel raises his hands and claps loudly, calling out encouragement, “Let’s go, Comets! Y’all got this!”

Sarah’s positioned at third base, with an ideal view of her from where you’re at on the bleachers. The game’s start is delayed from a change in the other team’s lineup being sorted, the pause in the fanfare causing Joel to turn to you and wrap his arm around your lower back. Wordlessly, he leans in for a chaste kiss, smiling sweetly when he pulls away and pushes his sunglasses back down on his nose.

“Didn’t get to give you a kiss when I first saw you.”

Instead of responding, you lean into his side when the umps break from the circle with the two head coaches and both of your focuses turn to the field with the first batter up.

It’s a fairly standard game until the top of the fifth inning. The field umpire called a batter safe at third after Sarah tagged her first, Joel standing up immediately and gesturing wildly as he yelled toward the field.

“What are you blind, ump? She clearly landed the tag before number twelve’s foot was on the bag. I could see it clear as day from here and I’m way older than you are, kid!”

The umpire crosses his arms, giving Joel a warning look as he strides over. Sarah stands at her base, shifting her weight back and forth uncomfortably as the girl running the bases gives her a glare. You can tell Sarah’s turning into herself, the unwanted attention making her second-guess in the moment. Every young girl has been there before, and it makes your stomach turn knowing the feeling she’s having.

“Sir, I’d appreciate it if you keep your thoughts to yourself and take them up with the head coach at the end of the game. We’re all trying to play a fun and fair game, and I’m calling everything how I see it.” The umpire stands at the fence in front of the bleachers, projecting his voice up to Joel. He can’t be any older than nineteen years old, likely a college kid with a summer job. And definitely not one that pays enough to fight with a man like Joel.

“Calling ‘em how you ‘em? You really must not have great eyesight then, son, ‘cause that was a horrible call. I’ve got reading glasses in my car, d’you think you need ‘em?” The last line gets a few laughs from surrounding parents, and one glance over to Sarah again and you see her talking to her coach, shoulders slumped and arms limp. Her face tells you she’s asking for something, a gesture toward her father standing on the bleachers.

“Sir, if you keep this up, I’m going to have to eject you from the field area.”

Reaching up next to you, you wrap your fingers around Joel’s wrist and tug harshly enough to draw his attention. One look into his eyes with a subtle glare — invisible to most bystanders but communicating everything it needs to in the moment to Joel. He resigns with a sigh, waving his hand up in understanding as he takes his seat again.

Speaking only loud enough for him to hear, you give him a playful pinch and roll your eyes, “We’re leavin’ if you pull shit like that again, ‘cause you’re mortifying your daughter and it’s not a good look to be kicked out of your kid’s little league softball game, J.”

He rolls his eyes in return, the reprimand getting him riled up again, “But that was such a bullshit call, Mari. I couldn’t let the ump—“

“You can and you will. Sarah’s here to have fun, and you’re here to watch her have fun. If she gets serious about wanting to play softball and wants to join a league outside of the park district, have at it arguing with umpires and coaches. Cause you’ll be surrounded with other parents doin’ the same shit.”

“And how d’you know that?”

“I was a witness to the dramas of travel baseball for, like, seven years of my life. Dragged to tournaments for Chris every weekend over the summer. And saw plenty of dads like you.”

Joel laughs and shakes his head, leaning closer to speak low in your ear, “Sweetheart, I don’t think there’s a dad out there who’s like me…At least I hope there isn’t, ‘cause then what’s my appeal to you?”

You snort out a quiet laugh, shoving him away lightly before jesting, “Convenience. Barely had to walk fifty feet to find a hot dad. Didn’t need to prowl the baseball games anymore.”

“Convenience? Is that all it was?” He fakes shock and disappointment, a slow shake of his head until he breaks out into a cheeky grin, “Should’ve moved sooner.”

“Well, not that much earlier, manther.”

“Manther? Enlighten me, Mari.” Joel gives you a curious stare while his arm makes its way around your back again, resting at your lower side next to your ass.

“The male equivalent of a cougar. You’re a manther.” Beaming up at him, you laugh as he pinches your side, acting offended all the while he presses a kiss to the side of your head.

“Only for you, Mari baby, only for you.”

The Comets, Sarah’s team, won the game 6-4. To celebrate, the team agreed to meet at the Tastee-Freez nearby to hang out and get some ice cream. The drive there was filled with Sarah and Joel recapping her plays, and a strong scold from the younger Miller about the older’s argument. You kept to yourself, smiling along with the jokes shot between them, sitting back to admire the two of them.

You never could have expected this kind of life with them when you saw their small family moving in from your front living room window.

Joel reaches over, takes your hand, and links your fingers together with a soft squeeze. When you turn to him, attention focusing away the road in front of you while the truck rolls to a stop at the red light, Joel meets your eyes with a tender look. His mouth lifts at the corners, pursing his lips as he brings your hands up to kiss the back of yours. The small gesture and the glint in his eyes fill your chest with a warm rush of syrupy ooze, enough heat to spread to the rest of your body and between your ribs, and leave you with tingling nerves.

The parking lot is packed when you arrive, Joel opting to park along the side of the road in the mix of grass and gravel. Hopping out of the car, Joel is quick to get around and take your hand again, pressing his lips to the top of your head as the pair of you walk behind Sarah up to the snaking line filled with her teammates and their families.

“Remember our first date here?” Joel inquires, tilting his head with a growing smile.

Chuckling, you nod and reciprocate his smile, “How could I forget? You got a butterscotch-dipped cone, weirdo.”

“Hey, if I remember correctly, you’re the one who polished off my cone and I took yours. So quit knockin’ the butterscotch dip, Mari,” Joel’s voice is dripping with nostalgia, the date you two had two years ago feeling like a lifetime ago. While the line moves forward, you lean back against his chest, and his hands find your sides, skating up and down along the fabric of your sundress. In front of you, you reach out and rest your hands on Sarah’s shoulders, smiling when she leans back into your touch. Her tiny frame sways drowsily in your arms, one of your hands reaching up to play with her curls gently.

“Feelin’ tired, Sare Bear?” Your chin tucks into your neck to look down at her and she looks up, nodding slowly and stretching her arms in front of her. Reaching your arms around her shoulders, you hold her comfortably against her chest, the three of you in a tight-knit row in line. “Well, you’ll get a sugar high from the ice cream and then you can crash at home after you hang with your friends. You just give us the word and we’ll head home, yeah?”

Joel orders for the three of you at the front of the line, refusing your offer to pay and shooing you off to find a spot to sit. Sarah eyes a table of her friends and you nudge her side, nodding and telling her to go sit with them, “I’ll survive with your dad myself, I promise.”

Sarah giggles and jogs off, leaving you to find a spot at a small table for you and Joel. He drops off Sarah’s sundae to her before he makes his way over to you, handing off your chocolate-dipped twist while he keeps his butterscotch cone. It’s always easy conversation for the two of you, discussing plans for the next morning about when to leave to take Sarah to the aquarium and what to do for dinner when you’re home.

Things are simple. Reminiscing on old memories while making new ones, watching Sarah laugh and smile with her friends.

“So, what are you gonna do when she’s a teenager?” You inquire, taking your attention away from Sarah’s posse and focusing back on Joel.

“What am I gonna do? I think you mean what are we gonna do? I’m gonna need all the help I can get, and well, you’re the one who’s been a teenage girl before.” He gestures to your cone with his, and you reach it out to switch with him. Continuing to snack on his vanilla and butterscotch, the two of you talk about what you were like as a teenager and what you think Sarah will be like.

Before you know it, your cones are completely gone and you’re left with a pile of sticky paper napkins. Sarah walks over, plopping down next to Joel on the bench of the picnic table. The three of you chat for a bit longer before heading back to the car, en route to home for the evening.

Sarah’s tucked upstairs in bed, Joel’s sock-covered feet bouncing down the stairs that you hear from your place in the kitchen, finishing up your wipe-down from cleaning up dinner. Joel plops down on the couch as you walk back into the living room, greeting you with a sleepy smile and an arm-lifted to invite you in.

Happily, you cuddle into his side, giggling quietly as he pepper kisses across your profile while you flick on the TV. Mindlessly channel searching, you’re reminded of the conversation with your mother from this morning, and remember how you wanted to tell Joel all about it.

Sitting up and turning to him, you laugh quietly as you start to recollect, “Guess what I forgot to tell you this morning?”

“Hm, what, baby?” Joel answers, trailing his fingers along the bare skin exposed from your camisole.

“My mom came into the kitchen as I was makin’ breakfast and she told me about this kid, well, I guess he’s not a kid anymore, but anyways, this kid from high school that was a year older than me and is my mom’s friend’s son. And she was saying how good he’s doing, how he just moved back here from Chicago and is looking for people to hang out with, and then she gave me this look — oh my god, if you could see this look she does, it’s like she’ll completely shatter if you don’t do what she’s asking of you — and she tells me that she got his number. For me,” you guffaw, shaking your head before continuing, “And I mean, that look, I just couldn’t say no and so I told her I would think about it—”

“You would think about it?” Joel interrupts, sitting up straighter and brow knitting together as his voice grows half a decibel louder.

You squirm in your seat, cringing at the harshness in his voice and inching away to look him in the eyes, “Um, yeah. I mean I couldn’t just come right out and say ‘no’, she would ask me a million questions why.”

“Okay? And?” Joel removes his arm from around your shoulder and tilts his head in disbelief, exhaling out a laugh as he shakes his head.

“And what, Joel? Was I just supposed to tell my mother about us?”

“Well, no, but you could have said somethin’, Mari. That’s not very fair to me—”

“What would you have wanted me to say? You aren’t ready, Joel, or at least that’s what you said, and I have been more than willing to wait but I know my mom and I know she would have picked up on something if I said no.”

“What am I supposed to think when you’re telling me this, too? Like it’s some joke, ‘Ha ha. Isn’t so great and funny my mom tried to set me up with some other guy?’ That’s not funny to me.”

“Oh my god, are you serious right now? It’s not like we’re a joke to me, I just thought it would have been a little bit of a chuckle for us. I don’t want anyone else, Joel, and I thought you would have known that by now. If anything, I should be the one feeling some type of way about having to lie to my mom about my relationship status cause you don’t want to tell them yet.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have the capacity to deal with your parents right now, I’ve got my own business to run and my daughter to take care of and you've got your own shit—”

“Don’t. Don’t even start with that, Joel. You’ve had the same business and daughter for the last two years and you’re still not ready when I’ve fully committed myself to you and been as vulnerable as I possibly can with you. I am trying really fucking hard to get better for you, going to therapy and possibly starting medication. I don’t know what else would make you feel ready. Us being married? We kind of need to tell them before that point. And also, you seem more than ready to tell everyone else in the world. Your daughter knows, your brother knows, random parents at Sarah’s softball game know. Why can’t I share you with the people in my life?”

Joel groans and leans his head back, reaching his hands up to press the heels of his palms against his eyes. You can’t help but roll your eyes, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest as you look down at him on the couch. After a moment of silence, he drops his hands and opens his eyes, looking up at you with a dead stare.

“I can’t do this anymore. Not right now.”

“And when are we supposed to do it?”

“I don’t know, Mari! I. Don’t. Know. But I do know that I can’t do it right now, and I don’t want to do all this right now.”

“Oh, so everything in our relationship is operating on the basis of ‘when you’re ready’.”

“Quit bein’ ugly, this isn’t like us.”

“It doesn’t feel like it right now. I don’t know what else you need to be ready to be fully a part of my life, Joel. We're always going to have shit going on, life is never going to get to a perfect place.”

“Mariposa, I love you, but I don’t want to do this right now. I’m going to bed.” Joel shakes his head to himself again, pushing up from the couch and rounding the coffee table. He brushes against you, hand bracing on your side while he gets past you and heads up the stairs, leaving you in the dark.

Only the glow of the television illuminates the room, tightness in your chest as you glance around the otherwise empty room. Tears fill your eyes, a trembling hand reaching for the remote to turn off the screen and the sound, punishing yourself in the lonely silence for a few minutes before tiptoeing up the stairs. At his open doorway, you tentatively linger within the threshold, Joel’s form slumped on his side but adjusting its position and breathing unsteady — still awake.

Without a sound, he sees you standing there before he lifts the covers, a normally welcoming invitation with a smile and a ‘C’mere, Mari baby.’ Instead, you walk on eggshells to the bed, slipping under the covers before he drops them on top of you, his arm tucking against his side. When you open your mouth to speak, he rolls over, back facing you. As you fall asleep, you study his broad shoulders and the curls at the nape of his neck, itching to reach out and touch him, show him your care, tell him about your love. Apologize for everything, promise to continue the seemingly endless wait until he’s ready. But you tell yourself you have to stand your ground on this and just discuss everything later like he wants.

Later. Always later.

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