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[acorncarechesapeake]

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[psychoticwillgraham]

‘AS SOON as you get your period, come back to the office and we’ll get your IUD in’

*gets it NOW at 7pm on a Sunday night*

welp. gotta go right after work tomorrow i guess. and she guessed it’d be another week but not even five minutes after i told mom ‘oh it’s coming NOW’, boom, i got it. damn im good at this lmao

[stdexpressclinic]

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[divinesolas]

Not a one time thing

r.q: being friends with benefits, with jace where you both end up drunk at a party and end up having sx and the next day you guys laugh it off and forget abt it. but jace starts to crave you more and first you’re hesitant about it, but then you guys agree on friends with benefits. now you guys js randomly whenever you’re stressed or in the mood and calling eachother in the middle of the night. jace starts to catch feelings and like fights the urge to say ily while they’re doing it. and then they js like end up together idk. but you’re like my fav jace writer rn

w.c: 1k

c.w: slight nsfw, sweet jace, mutual pining, fwb to lovers, cute little drabble, not proofread, written with f!reader in mind but is basically gn!reader

You thought your slip up with Jace would be a one time thing, that after the two of you walk out of the party laughing about it that that would be it. Yet not even two nights later you’re staring down at a “are you up?” text from him. You don’t answer him, texting him back in the morning and saying you had been asleep and asking him what he needed, he had said it was nothing and he ‘figured it out’ but that just left you way too curious.

Yet when he shows up at your house at two am with his puppy dog eyes and a rock between his legs you let him push you on the couch and let him have you once again. When you wake up and he’s making breakfast in your kitchen shirtless you decide to lay down some ground rules to quell the pounding of your heart.

Strictly friends with benefits. No feelings attached. exclusively one another, definitely a rule in place just to avoid stds, no other reason. Arrangement must be broken off is one of you begins to like someone else.

Sounds easy enough. Its a good stress reliever for you, whenever you have a test or your studying is not going as well as expected you give him a ring and he’s quick to show up to take your mind off of it and you do the same for him. It works well, at least for you, but Jace seems to be struggling a lot more then you are.

You can’t tell he is of course. He is good at hiding it, but it begins to grow more and more daunting as he’s thrusting into you, staring at your with heart eyes that you can’t see since your eyes are closed, his thumb rubs affectionally on your jaw as he watches you climax, it’s gotten to the point he has no care for his own pleasure, he gets his fill from watching your eyes rolls in the back of your head.

Four times. It was a new record for him. Four times he almost told you that he loved you. He watches you as you scroll through your phone, oblivious to the internal battle he’s having. You are so beautiful. You haven’t even bothered to put back on any of your clothes, he admires you fully, he had no clue how long he was until you look at him with a raised brow, “You like what you see big guy?”

He loves you.

He simply reaches over and places a kiss on your lips before he lays back down. “What’s that for?” Because i love you. “To shut you up.” You roll your eyes and smack him on the chest. “Says you while staring at my bare chest you perv.”

He thinks he can keep it in for awhile, let his feelings pass. Yet he ends up blowing up. You have been spending a lot more time with cregan. Cregan fucking stark his best friend yet he has never wanted to murder a man more. Why are you walking around and smiling with him? Why did you fucking bail on him one night to hang out with cregan?

“Is this over?”

You turn to him confused, setting down the pizza you had ordered for the two of you down on the table and shake your head, “What are you talking about?”

His posture is rigid, he’s fiddling around with his fingers, he would normally be shirtless but you take notice of the fact he’s wearing a plain white shirt. “Are we over?”

“No? Why would,” You attempt to put it in the words, we seems to intimate despite the fact that's how he worded it, “our arrangement,, end? You like someone?”

“What about cregan? You like him don’t you?” You tilt your head at him and let out a confused laugh. “You mean your best friend cregan? what the fuck are you on about?”

“You said our arrangement ends if one of us starts to like someone else.” “Yes i did, so what you think i like cregan?” “Yes.” This is what breaks you and you laugh, you cover your face in your hands as you turn away and you laugh. “what the are you talking about? No i don’t like cregan. Why would it matter if i did?”

“Because i love you.” You freeze. You turn around quickly to stare at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“I love you. I don’t want to be some stupid arrangement. I want there to be us, we. Together.”

You gulp, you feel your feelings you’ve kept locked down bubbling up to the surface. You have to be rational, he is clearly not thinking straight you know him. “Jace. This is coming from you being jealous you shouldn’t say stuff like that. Hey ill stop hanging out with cregan without you-”

“No. I’m in love with you. This is not because I’m fucking jealous, sure maybe i am but i am so madly in love with you everyday i have to stop myself from professing my love to you from the highest mountain. If I'm saying this because I'm jealous then why do i feel the urge to tell you i love you while you’re withering underneath me. I love you.”

He had made his way over to you. He stands in front of you looking like a kicked puppy. “If you don’t feel the same we should end this. Never speak again, maybe that would kill me but i can’t just keep ignoring how i feel for you any longer.” He tenses in your silence, “Please answer me.”

“I never wanted to get into this arrangement with you because i knew one day i would crack. I ignored your calls and texts because i was so nervous to begin this dangerous game with you because i am so madly in love with you Jace.”

He rushes to cup your cheeks and he pulls you into a kiss. You can feel him grinning against your lips and he must feel the way you’re smiling back.

“Does boyfriend Jace fuck anything different than friend Jace?”

“You’re about to find out.”

perm jacaerys taglist <3

@tyronesien @itsbookworm987 @cruelworldlana @smurfelle @ireneispunk @hxtd @venmondiese @urmomsgirlfriend1 @aegonswife

[badgirlmaymay]

CALL, AND ILL RUSH OUT

Mason Thames x Y/n

IN WHICH….y/n and Mason supposedly hate each other, but they’ve been hooking up on the down low. When her ex shows up to her door when she has friends over, who does she want to call?

WARNING… arguing, mentions of sex/hooking up, slut shaming, mentions of STD’s, coarse language.

Y/N

BANG BANG BANG

I practically fall off the couch, groaning as I sit up in alert. I look around, to see Madeleine, Brady, Jacob, Tristan and Miguel all doing the same. We’d decided to have a sleepover, since according to them, I still couldn’t be trusted alone ever since I’d broken up with my ex, Louis.

“What the fuck?” Brady groans from the mattress on the floor. We were all home alone at my house, so I’m even more confused.

BANG BANG BANG

Through my disorientated mind, I realise that the banging is coming from the front door, and I stumble to a stand, nearly stepping on a few hands as I do so, but eventually everyone is up as well.

“Y/n/n, I know you’re in there!” The familiar voice is Louis shouts. I gulp. I can tell he’s drunk from the way his words slur. I feel eyes on me, then Brady surges forward towards the front door, and for a second I think he’s going to open it, but instead he bangs back.

“Y/n’s asleep. Call tomorrow like a sane person!” Brady shouts, but I know Louis. I know he isn’t going to just give up. He’ll sit there for days if he has to.

“I know my girlfriend, and I know she’s standing right behind that door!” Louis shouts back. Ex girlfriend I want to shout out and correct him, but I stop myself. I hesitate for a moment as Louis bangs on the door again.

“Let him in.” I mutter.

“What? No. Y/n, he’s drunk.” Miguel protests.

“He won’t hurt me. I know him.” I insist, and after a second of silence, Brady unlocks the door. I sort of expect Louis to do a cartwheel inside and land like an animal, but instead he slowly walks in. And he’s definitely drunk. I can tell by the look on his face.

“Leave us alone for a sec.” I find myself saying.

“Fuck no.” Tristan shakes his head. All the guys are stood to attention, as if they’re ready to fight Louis on the spot. And Louis seems to sense it as well.

“It’s okay. We’re just gonna talk, right?.” I say, and Louis nods.

“If you so much as look at her the wrong way, the only thing you’ll be talking to is my fist.” Brady says threateningly, and Louis nods. Maddy gives my arm a quick squeeze, before they all go and sit in the lounge room, leaving Louis and I in the entrance hall.

I watch as he slumps against the wall, knees locking so he doesn’t fall down.

“Mason Thames?” Louis groans, sounding like he’s either about to cry or punch something. My gut twists itself into a not. I really hope he won’t do either.

“We’re not dating.” I attempt to reassure him.

“You’re just fucking him.” Louis concludes. I can’t deny it. I used to hate Mason, ever since I got that role in the black phone, but after me and Louis broke up a month ago, I somehow always find myself in his bed.

“He’s such a slut, Y/n, cmon.” Louis continues, and I run a hand through my messy hair. I stay silent. “You’re not one for casual hookups. I know you. It took us four months to have sex.”

Louis isn’t wrong. I know he isn’t. But somethings different with Mason.

“It’s complicated, okay? And it’s none of your business.” I conclude, and Louis pushes himself off the wall, and for a second I think he’s gonna come at me, but he starts pacing back and forth before coming to a halt in front of me, only inches apart.

“Were you fucking him when we were together?” He asks, but before I can answer, he’s spitting out more words of anger. “He practically lives at the health centre. Jesus Christ!” I know the group can hear us now, because he’s raising his voice. I also know that Louis is completely wrong, but my words are caught in my throat. “Am I gonna have to get tested now? Do you have std’s?”

“Stop it, Louis.” I state. “You’re being rude. You need to leave.”

“God, I can’t believe I ever wanted to get back with you.” Louis takes a step closer, and I try to back away, but he grabs both of my arms and pulls me closer so he’s yelling in my face. His iron grips makes me wince, and I blink back tears. “God, you’re such a slut. I can’t believe you’re fucking him! You’re a disease ridden whore-“

“That’s enough!” Brady roars as the group re enters the hall, and I watch as Brady grabs Louis by the collar of his shirt, and hauls him out my front door. Miguel follows after them, shutting the door behind them.

“Babe?” Maddy asks, but I can’t see her face over the sea of tears pooling in my eyes. Her hands are gentle as they caress my arms. I can see Tristan and Jacob as well, all three of them staring at me with worry.

I let out a choked sob as I rush past them, racing up the stairs and to my room, but they follow me.

“Y/n?” I hear Tristan say, as I reach for my phone, but to my dismay, it’s dead.

“Can you call Mason?” I ask, as I slump onto my bed. All three of my friends stare at me in shock and silence.

“Mason thames?” Jacob asks. I nod.

“As in our costar Mason Thames?” Tristan asks. I nod again.

“Mason Thames, as in the guy you hate?” Maddy asks.

“Please just call him.”

~~~~~~ MASON

My blood roars in my eyes as I push open the front door of Y/n’s house, to see Brady, Tristan, Jacob, Mikey, and Maddy all standing in the entrance hall. It’s one in the morning, and I’d gotten a call from Tristan telling me to come over to Y/n’s place, where they’d all been hanging out. No explaining, he just told me Y/n’s upset and wants to see me.

“Where is she?” I ask, trying to shove past them, but Brady places a firm hand on my chest, holding me back.

“Mason, man, just calm down okay? She’s a bit upset.” Brady explains, making me even more confused.

“What happened? What did you guys do to her?” I ask. I have so many questions.

“None of us did anything, Mason.” Maddy pipes up, and I run a hand through my hair in exasperation. “Louis showed up, she told us to let him in-“

“You let him in?!” I shout, and Maddy sighs. I know all about Louis. And I think I hate him more than Y/n does.

“She told us to.” Jacob says.

“Where is she?” I demand.

“She’s in her room, but Mason, Louis said some things-“ Tristan starts, but I don’t let him finish. I barge past my friends and race up the stairs to Y/n’s room, and when I open the door, I’m met with a sight for sore eyes.

“Baby..” I say, and I hear a gasp from behind me, and I turn around to see all of our friends. I slam the door in their face.

Y/n’s sobbing on her bed, eyes puffy and swollen. She looks up at me through her tears, and i reacted immediately. I sat down on the bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her smaller figure and bringing her head down to my chest.

”What happened, baby?” I ask gently.

“Louis showed up.” She managed through sobs. “He called me…He called me a disease ridden whore because I’m sleeping with you.”

“What?” Anger bubbles in my throat. “Y/n, we’ve only ever been safe. And you’re the only person I’ve ever-“

“I know. I know.” Y/n says, sitting up and wiping her eyes. But I’m willing to get tested to squash any bit of doubt anyone has. Hell, I’m willing to get tested to prove that fucker wrong. “I just really needed you to be here with me.

“I know.”

[kurooh]

★ 00. PROLOGUE !

☆ synopsis: you meet your new agent, shinsou hitoshi, for an informational tour around the studio, and talk about your costars.

☆ warnings: 18+ content, mdni please

soft music plays in the lobby as you clutch a folder, waiting for a shinsou hitoshi. the invitation to join and work for UA studios had been sent to you in an email, and after briefly debating with yourself, you finally accepted the invitation with joy. shinsou, a managing agent responsible for some of UA’s stars, had sent you an email with thanks and instructions.

you were to head to the studio a few days later at noon, for an official tour, and to hand in your papers. an elevator door opens further away from where you’re sitting and you stand, making eye contact with a tired looking man in a suit. a smile appears on his lips as he strides towards you, offering his hand.

“it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he shakes your hand and smiles lightly, his eyes creasing; you notice the dark eye bags sitting beneath his violet eyes. however, he doesn’t sound tired at all. “shinsou hitoshi, one of UA’s agents for the actors and actresses. that means i’m your new agent.”

you introduce yourself shyly, your heart pounding as you remind yourself you are standing in the UA studios — japan’s leading pornography company, where some of the biggest stars in the world are from; a prestigious place where only the best actors and actresses are invited.

“i’ll show you around, alright?” you nod, offering shinsou your folder full of signed contracts and then a packet containing your fully negative std test results.

“thank you for the invitation,” you say offhandedly, attempting to make conversation. “it’s quite the honor.”

“we’ve had our eyes on you for a while,” shinsou chuckles, pressing the button to call the elevator down for the two of you. he looks over you discreetly. “shiketsu snatched you up before we could.”

“is that so?” you’re stunned to hear that UA had been scouting you during your 4 years at shiketsu; no wonder you’d received an invitation from them in less than a week of shiketsu studios closing. if UA had been scouting you, other companies certainly had been doing the same.

“it’s so.” you step into the elevator together, and he practically reads your mind. “i’m sure other companies had been getting ready to send offers, but UA wasn’t about to make the same mistake they made four years ago.”

your face warms and you have to look towards the ground to speak evenly. “i know it’s early to ask, since i don’t start filming for a little while, but will i be doing the more basic content?”

shinsou sputters out a laugh, and the elevator stops, doors opening. “oh god, no. you’ll be filming with UA’s top stars.”

your mouth closes and you’re shocked into silence. why could UA want a previous shiketsu actress with their top stars? the absolute best of the best, known internationally and loved by many were going to be filming with you — well, you’d be filming with them.

UA’s impeccable reputation is maintained by the sexy six — midoriya izuku / deku, bakugō katsuki / dynamight, todoroki shōto / shōto, kirishima eijirou / red riot, kaminari denki / chargebolt, and takami keigo / hawks. some people favor other stars, such as amajiki tamaki, better known as suneater — depending on the person, he replaces one of the six stars or isn’t counted.

“this is our showering area, and the bathroom is on the other side,” shinsou gestures towards a door on your right as you both walk past. he notices your silence and exhales quietly. “you can ask questions, or we can walk silently.”

“oh, i’m sorry. just lost in thought,” you pull your eyes from the ground and look ahead, “as my ‘agent’, what are you meant to do?”

“you didn’t have an agent at shiketsu?”

“no, i did not.” should you have had one? shinsou sounds incredulous, and you feel embarrassed.

“i’m one of 5 different agents at the studio, and, well, i manage your paperwork, schedule, and social media accounts. that sort of thing, you know?”

“that’s really helpful, actually. back at shiketsu, i did all that on my own. thank you so much.”

he turns away, but not before you detect a flush appearing on his cheeks. “no need to thank me, it’s my job.”

“when do i meet my costars?” you question, hearing talking in a room you’ve just passed by.

“you’ll meet them on your own, when you start filming soon. i’ll arrange it all, so don’t worry.”

“well, what are they like?” you persist, excitement and deathly anxiety swirling in your stomach at the same time.

“they’re all very different,” shinsou says, “for example, deku is very talkative, as opposed to shōto, who is rather quiet.”

“who’s your favorite of the six stars?”

“i think chargebolt is fun, never a dull moment with him around or when he’s talking to you..” his voice drifts off and so does his focus, but then he snaps back to reality. “okay, i can’t really talk about them unless you’ve met them. do you want me to get fired?”

“i doubt you’ll get fired,” you huff at his overdramatized words. “but alright, i get it. by the way, thank you for making me feel less nervous.”

“of course,” he gently touches your shoulder in reassurance, “everyone starts out somewhere, so there’s no need to be intimidated here. i think you’ll find that everyone is overall pleasant.”

you step into an elevator beside shinsou, and head back down to the lobby. his shoulder brushes against you as the two of you exit, and he stands still once he’s out. “i’m afraid this is the end of our tour. i’ve enjoyed talking with you,” he smiles gently, “most importantly, welcome to UA studios!”

[percynorthwest]

Jegulus microfic - doctor

2/5-2024 @jegulus-microfic words:~1060

cw:medical inaccuracies, pregnancy scare (ig?), complications, ectopic pregnancy

"And how long has the pain been going on for?"

"It started maybe two days ago. But it got so much worse this morning." Regulus replied. "And my shoulders started hurting too, at the same time," Regulus shrugged, "I don't know."

James could see that tried his best to keep his composure, but he could see the pain Regulus was in by his stiff posture and the constant frown on his face.

"And since then, it feels like I'm constantly on the brink of fainting."

The doctor typed quickly on her computer. She too had a quaint frown on her face. James held Regulus' hand, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand. Regulus hand was cold, more so than usual, and he was looking a tad to pale, all furthering James' worry.

James looked up to Regulus' face, and saw how he took deep, rhythmical, breaths, once again indicating of how much pain he was in. His eyes were closed tightly, and when he opened them, he blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. James understood how much he hated this; being so in the centre of attention; being vulnerable; in pain. James raised Regulus' hand to give it a soft kiss.

"And how long ago since your last period?" the doctor asked.

Regulus stiffened further where he sat on the plastic bed. This wasn't a topic Regulus was particularly comfortable with.

"Ehm, two years ago, maybe." He replied, still looking uncomfortable, "It kinda stopped once I got on hormones."

The doctor swirled away from the computer screen, now instead facing Regulus on her chair.

"Are you sexually active?"

James could see Regulus getting immediately red, before he answered with a nod. Then Regulus' frown deepened further.

"But I have an IUD, since like three years ago. And I'm at no risk of STDs or anything" He explained quickly with a now really worried look on his face, looking even more pale.

"It's still highly unlikely, but not impossible." The doctor explained, following Regulus' line of thinking. "I want to be on the safe side though, so I'm going to order some blood test, that will not only screen for pregnancy, and then I'd also like to order an ultrasound."

Regulus was certainly looking a lot more pale now, but he nodded along.

"Both the blood test and the ultrasound could indicate what's going on, not only whether or not it's a pregnancy."

Regulus looked just as worried, but he nodded again, maybe just a tad relieved after the doctor's reassurance.

When the doctor left the room, Regulus dropped his head back on the plastic bed, groaning out loud. James dragged his chair closer to the bed, wanting to support Regulus in any way he could. Regulus dragged his legs up, folding himself up like a ball. James placed a hand on Regulus' knee. He could hear Regulus' uneven breathing, making his heart break further. He stood up, bringing his hands to Regulus' face, cupping slightly and wiping away the few tears that had started falling down his chin.

A nurse or something akin to one, maybe a midwife, entered the room. Both James and Regulus startled slightly, and Regulus immediately wiped away any of the tears James had missed. James didn't sit back down again, wanting to be as close as possible.

"If you could just come with me," she said softly.

They followed her into another room, in the same part of the hospital. The room had stirrups, which made Regulus grip James' hand more tightly. Another nurse sat in the room already, and he seemed to be preparing blood tests.

Regulus was asked to sit down, and the male nurse took two vials of blood, while the other nurse prepared the ultrasound. After the vials were filled with crimson red blood, the male nurse left -thankfully, as Regulus probably didnt want more people in the room than necessary.

The whole procedure was quite quick. Regulus was asked to take his pants off and place his legs in those uncomfortable stirrups, and the nurse could quite quickly confirm that Regulus had a ectopic pregnancy, letting Regulus get down and get dressed again.

"What does that mean?" James asked after Regulus didn't say anything.

"The egg has been fertilized outside of the uterus," she explained. "In your case on your left fallopian tube. It happens to about one in 90 pregnancy, and if one is to get pregnant while using an IUD, the risk increases." Regulus nodded, seeming to be listening in. "I'll have to confer with the doctor, but either you will have to wait it out, under observation, or you'll be given medicines to stop furthering growth. There's also a surgery, if necessary."

She left in order to get the doctor.

Regulus turned to James, with a stern look on his face.

"We are never having sex again."

James immediately burst out in laughter, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, so stunned by the exclamation. Regulus was looking straight ahead, but James could see a smirk creeping on his face.

Once James had managed to stop, he turned to Regulus again;

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly, looking intently at his boyfriend's face, trying to gauge his emotions.

"Pretty fucking bad." he said, laughing slightly, but James could see the look of anxiety on his face, as well as a few tears escaping his eyes.

Regulus closed his eyes tightly, and groaned loudly as he pressed the heel of his hands into his face.

"I mean what the actual fuck? This is barley supposed to be possible!"

James didn't know what to say, instead just stroking Regulus' hair, tucking a lock behind his ear.

"I don't know, baby," he murmured, placing a kiss on top of his hair.

"This is your fault, you know." Regulus said, dropping his hands in order to glare at James. "You're sleeping on the couch indefinitely."

"Sure," he replied warmly. He would probably sleep on the street if Regulus so asked.

Regulus turned on the bed, dropping his legs of the side, now sitting turned to James. His face was still slightly crunched up in pain, and tears framed his eyes. He leaned towards James, who immediately engulfed him in a tight hug. Reg sobbed quietly into James' chest. James stroked his back.

"Everything will be okay," He murmured, once again into the top of his hair.

a/n:

i don't have a medical degree or anything, this is from what i've been taught in school and what i've researched online, so this could possibly be incredibly inaccurate, probably most so regarding procedure etc.

[acorncarechesapeake]

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[quickstdlabs]

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[sageworld]

The Christmas Kids • Rafe Cameron. (part II)

“the christmas kids were nothing but a gift,

and love is a tower where all of us can live.”

he was really sweet in the beginning but then something changed

WARNINGS • Cheating, mentions of sex work, reader catches an STD, overall just a upsetting chapter

christmas kids masterlist; here

06/13/2021

it had been hours and you couldn’t stop the tears. you laid yours’ & rafe’s half full bed in your pajamas sobbing your eyes out.

1:34am

your bed side clock read, rafe still wasn’t home he had texted you saying he was going out with top & kelce to watch the football game at the local bar around 7:30 & that was the last you heard from him.

you ponder back onto the events that had happened before that. you had walked into your local planned parenthood, complaints of vaginal pain, slime like discharge & a overall smell that you’d been insecure about for about two days now.

“hi mrs. cameron, im maddy & i’ll be your nurse today. i see on file that you want to get STD tested today.” your nurse greets you while closing the door behind her.

“yes, i’ve been having some issues and i just wanna make sure.” the small talk continues on for some time before she gives you the small green lidded cup & you head to the bathroom.

as you finish your business you leave it in the small metal box in the bathroom, going back to wait in the nurses office like directed. the nerves running through you.

bing

your phone buzzed.

rafey💍🧿: hey babe, just checked your location. wyd?

y/n: just been having some cramp issues is all.

you put your phone down when the nurse comes back in, your phone binging as you do so but you choose to ignore it.

“hi again, so we got your results back & unfortunately you’ve tested positive for chlamydia.” you don’t hear much past that. trying to swallow down the lump in your throat, focusing on trying not to cry in her office.

“mrs.cameron?” she tries to gain your attention to which you look up to her from your chair, teary eyed. “you will have to alert all partners you’ve been with-.” “i’ve only been with my fiancé, they’re must be some mistake.” the tears start to fall.

“i know this is hard, you should recommend your fiancé come in for some testing as well.” she rubs your back. “i want to be tested again, there must’ve been a mistake.” you sob, feeling the headache coming.

“mrs. cameron, we can test again but i can assure you that you’re positive for it, im gonna prescribe you some antibiotic that you can pick up at any local pharmacy.”

fast forward back to now, over pondering on the events of the day. your heart aches, you knew rafe. you knew of his infidelities but the thought never crossed your mind that he wasn’t using protection.

a nervous rumble fills your belly as you hear the roar of his trucks engine pulling up in your drive way.

2:57am

your clock now reads, football game my ass.

you knew he was never really watching football, rafe had more than a few addictions. somewhere in between the cocaine and money, strippers had fell into it. there was a club about 30 minutes away on the mainland that you’d seen rafe’s location at a few times. and after a few text searches you knew top & kelce had always gone with him.

at first you didn’t think it was bad, you’d looked at other guys before while in the relationship, hell for your eighteenth girls sleepover your friends got you a male stripper as a joke. that was until you woke up and saw nearly 2900 had been withdrawn from your & rafe’s account. it didn’t say what on but you could only assume he had taken out cash.

as time went on & it got worse, you could only wonder. why them?

he was engaged to you but he always found his way back to them. why couldn’t you be good enough? it felt like no matter how many hours you spent in the gym, no matter how clean and lean you ate it wasn’t enough. you always wondered if he was bored of your body, seeing the same things over and over again. but, that’s not much of a topic you should be thinking about.

you try and contain your sobs as he opens your bed room door, stumbling over to you. it’s clear he thinks your asleep. “mm sweet kitty.” he slurs, liquor taken over him as he bends over the bed to plant a kiss on your forehead.

you don’t move or dare open your eyes even after you hear the door to your master bathroom shut & the shower water turn on.

you shove your face into the pillow and quietly sob, the pillow nearly soaked from the hours you’d spent crying, salivating & snot running onto it.

3:26 am

you quickly open your eyes to see the time as the bathroom door opens again, he turns off the light before hopping into his side of the bed, cuddling you under the covers. even though your backs faced to him you can now smell rafe and not some cheap whoreish perfume.

you debating for a bit, should i tell him or wait till tomorrow

but as soon as you get ready to turn you hear his soft snores.

6:24 am

despite the lack of sleep you’re up early & cannot stand the idea of staying cuddled up with rafe. you quietly get up and sneak away, grabbing a cute gym two piece set.

after doing a few hygiene things and grabbing the essentials, gym bag, pre work out, stanley, airpods & a small protein bar for the road you’re off.

working out was always a good way to clear your mind, just put your airpods in and focus on you.

your body drips in sweat as you’re 30 flights into your stair master. you’d done a few other things and had been here for god knows how long.

buzz buzz buzz

your airpods ring in your ears.

FaceTime call: Rafey🧿💍

you hesitate to answer but decide to anyways.

“mm kitty, why’d you run off so early?” rafe answers, sleepy voice and still in bed.

“just wanted to get out the house.” you simply answers,looking down to focus on the stairs. “should’ve woken me up i would’ve come.” rafe frowns. you shrug on the camera, “what’s wrong?” rafe asks, your attitude upsetting him.

“nothing just have somethings i need to talk to you about when i get home.” you can tell what you said make rafe anxious as his eyes open a bit.

“really kitty? about what?” his voice holds excitement. ok so maybe not nervous.

“im finishing up here and i’ll tell you when i get home.” the conversation goes on for a bit longer with rafe just wanting you to tell him but untimely he agrees for you to tell him at home, after saying your goodbyes and love yous, you make your descend off the machine.

you don’t wanna go but decide it’s for the best, packing your stuff into your gym bag & making your way out the door.

it feels all too soon as you walk into the front door of your house, the tv playing loudly. it’s a saturday so rafe’s off today, the sound off last nights football games highlights playing.

“hi kitty.” rafe smiles, man spread on the couch still in his pajama pants and no shirt. “hey rafe.” you say blandly, the sight of him disgusting you. “c’mere kitty, what’d you wanna talk to me about.” he pats his lap for you to sit. “i-i think i’m gonna shower first.” the definitely wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have with rafe.

you were sure, rafe knew you knew he was cheating. yet the one or two times you had even slightly brought it up he shut it down saying he didn’t know what you were talking about. you knew he saw your face when you once saw a hickey left on his neck that wasn’t from you. when you can smell another woman on him, when he comes home at the late hours of the night/early hours of the morning.

“no, no. i have to shower too but let’s talk first.” rafe’s voice is soft, inviting it usually is when rafe thinks he gonna get home kind of good news from you. what does he think i wanna talk about?

“rafe, have you been using protection like when you’re having sex?” the lump in your throat forms as rafe sits his body up completely, nervous look on his face. “well uh-kitty we don’t use condoms but you’re on your birth control.” he runs his hand through his hair, a tall tale sign he’s nervous or feels like he’s been caught.

“not with me rafe and, i swear to god if you’re not honest with me i will walk right back out that door and i will not come back.” you’re frustration only grows.

“i-i usually do but just sometimes i don’t but i promise when i don’t i pull out or-or-or i make them take a plan b in front of me i swear.” rafe stands fidgeting with his hands as he steps closer to you. “whyre you asking me this?” rafe stops in front of you, voice shaking.

“i went to planned parenthood yesterday & turns out i have chlamydia. we both know you’re the only one i’ve ever been with so, yeah.” you nod your head, a tear falling as you bite your lip.

“so you’re not pregnant?” rafe’s head hangs low as he reaches for you, making you step back. “why the actual fuck would i be pregnant?” is that what he thought?

“well i saw you went there yesterday and you said cramps but i knew you weren’t on your period because we’ve been having sex like everyday, so i just thought.” rafe explains, grabbing his hair in both hands before letting out a breath of air & before you know it he’s hyperventilating.

“r-rafe, calm down.” you wanna tell him it’s okay just to get him out of this state but it’s not okay, it’s not fair to you. you walk up to him and he begins to slowly place himself on the ground, one hand on his chest and one still in his hair and he tries to find his rhythm to breath. “rafe you need to calm down, now.” your tone more stern as you get down next to him.

“i’m so sorry my kitty, im so fucking sorry.” he sobs into your stomach. “rafe, stop fucking cry please and let’s talk.” you’re over it at this point. you’ve been cheated on, embarrassed & given an std by the man who’s supposed to love you the most & he’s here crying.

he looks up to you, shocked by your tone. “o-okay.” he sniffles, sitting his back up against the side of the couch.

“i’m just going to keep it simple rafe. i want you to go to planned parenthood for antibiotics, i want you to stop fucking these bitches, i expect you home by no later than 10:00pm and if you can’t do that then the weddings off.” you shrug and let out a sigh at the last part. “o-okay, i-i promise.” he stutters out when suddenly it hits him, “please don’t take away the weddding.” his sobs almost remind you of a child who’s favorite toy has been taken as he goes back to crying into your stomach.

“rafe, we’re still getting married as long as you get your shit together.” you sigh, scratching his scalp with your acrylic nails which you know he loves.

“i swear baby, im gonna ma-make this right.”

god i hope so.

[wintaerbaer]

things we don’t say: part 4 (kth)

banner credit: @itaeewon

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (minors dni)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 11.5k

chapter warnings: swearing as usual, jin is sad and precious, alcohol consumption, one (1) instance of mild violence, suspension of disbelief as to the legal consequences of said violence, jungkook still has zero filter, feelings and bed sharing

a/n: this was a fun one >:) shout out to everyone who brainstormed, sprinted, or otherwise shouted about this fic with me and gave me the motivation to power through this (y’all know who you are, and i love each and every one of you <3)! and a massive shoutout to @jeonqkooks for the beautiful new banner!!

PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST // MASTERLIST

Read on ao3

“And Tae encouraged you to do this?”

“Yeah. Kind of made up my mind for me actually.”

You toss down a few potential dresses on Maya’s bed after spending the past several minutes raiding her closet. With the bulk of your wardrobe still at your old apartment, she’d invited you to borrow something of hers for your date with Seokjin.

You may also be sharing a couple glasses of wine to calm your nerves.

“Hm.”

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“No, but I can see you thinking.”

“It’s nothing.” She holds a sparkling gold number up to your shoulders, then frowns and throws it back down. “Or at least nothing you want to hear, anyway.”

“Don’t tell me you’re on about Tae and I again.”

She shrugs. “I think you’d be great together. Sue me.”

“I could say the same about you and Kook.”

A snort rasps from the back of her throat as she coughs on her wine. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

“The two of you are more alike than you think,” you say. “And I don’t think you give him enough credit. He’s a good guy.”

She purses her lips, watching clouds go by out the window. “He’s…frustrating.” Her eyelids drop, coming together in a slow blink as her focus turns back to you razor-sharp. “And weren’t you against us together in the first place?”

“Yeah, because it was just sex.”

“It is just sex.”

“Well, I changed my mind.” You take a sip of your drink, let the acidic taste roll around and coat your tongue before it slides down your throat. “If there’s a possibility you two can make each other happy, then you should have that. I think maybe love is rarer than it seems.”

“He and I are far from love.”

“For now,” you say. “But maybe someday?”

She only grimaces like she’s swallowed a bitter pill, giving the tiniest shake of her head before rushing to change the subject. “Tell me about this Seokjin guy.”

“Not much to tell,” you explain. “Joon knows him from the hospital. He’s been very pleasant when we’ve texted. Polite. I’m definitely not getting creep vibes from him.”

“Always a plus. But still, text me the address of the restaurant and a physical description once you’re there.” She pauses, tapping a finger against her chin. “Also, I have some condoms if you want to take a couple.”

“Um, no?”

“Why not? Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

“See, that sounds like something Jungkook would say.”

“Well a dumbass clock is right twice a day, or whatever the saying is.”

“I don’t think that’s quite right.”

“Close enough in his case.” Her voice lowers suddenly—delicately—as if to share something confidential even though you’re the only two in the room. “But speaking of protection, did you hear back from the clinic?”

Maya had delicately suggested a couple weeks ago that you should probably get tested for STDs given that you don’t really know how many women Jace had been with and if they were being safe. It was a fair point, as humiliating as it was to consider that he may have found yet another way to rip apart your life, and so you’d gone for an appointment last week, trying not to cry as you provided the necessary samples.

“Negative,” you murmur, feeling embarrassed even though you know you shouldn’t be and that your friend would never judge you. But the fact that you even have to have this conversation at all gnaws at your own sense of self-doubt. “I’m clean.”

She presses her mouth into a line, an acknowledgment of the misfortune of the situation, while simultaneously tilting her chin in approval. “Good.”

You pick at a loose thread hanging off the hem of the dress you’re holding, a dog barking somewhere outside the window as you grasp for literally anything else to talk about. “So where are you guys heading tonight?”

“Who knows?” Maya says with a sigh, leaning back on the bed. “You know it’s like herding cats with them sometimes. I’m supposed to go over there after this, and we’re going to wing it then.”

“So one of our usual clubs?”

“I’d bet my left tit on it.”

You let out a soft laugh, feeling that maybe you’d rather be spending time with your friends tonight instead of going on a half-hearted date. But Seokjin seems nice, and you’ve already committed so you’re stuck. “Could you please just try to make sure Tae has some fun?” You chew at your bottom lip. “He’s been so focused on cheering me up, I want to be sure he still has time for himself.”

“Worry not. I’ll help him pick someone up,” Maya says nonchalantly.

“That’s not what I meant.”

Her entire body perks up, eager that you’ve taken the bait. “Why, does that bother you?”

“Also not what I meant,” you say, crushing down the tiny flip in your stomach at the thought of Taehyung taking someone home as Maya pouts. “I just want him to enjoy himself. I don’t think he’s been doing enough of that lately.”

“Without his other half there with him?” Maya mumbles. “Fat chance.”

You ignore it, knowing she’s baiting you yet again.

But your heart warms all the same.

Seokjin is the embodiment of a perfect gentleman.

He’s handsome—you can’t help but notice as he stands at your approach, introducing himself and coming around the table to pull out your chair for you with a slight bow. When the waiter appears to take your drink order, Seokjin (or “Jin,” as he says to call him) offers to let you pick the wine, so you go with a nice-looking pinot grigio (you haven’t even been able to look at reds since that night). Typical first date conversation flows as you browse the menu, order, and wait for your food, and you find that Jin is soft-spoken without being shy, confident without being arrogant. He tells you about his job as a physical therapist and how he likes to spend his weekends fishing with his brother on his parents’ boat. As you likewise share anecdotes about your publishing job and college shenanigans, Jin listens attentively with kind eyes, asks thoughtful questions, and chuckles at all the right bits.

He’s nice.

But there’s no spark.

You can sense it in his posture, too. His eyes are kind, but there’s pain behind them. He asks questions, but there’s an uncertainty lingering under the surface. He laughs at your jokes but subtly deflates each time like he’s guilty of something.

By the time your meals arrive, you’re ready to chalk it up as a loss.

“Jin,” you begin, tone aiming for the gentleness of “it’s not you, it’s me” proportions. “You seem like a wonderful guy, but for the sake of honesty, it doesn’t feel like either of us sees this going further, does it?”

Jin’s shoulders sag, the mask of obligatory cheerfulness falling away in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” you say quickly, not wanting him to feel bad when he was clearly trying his best to have a good time with you. “I think we both knew going into this that we were each coming to the table with…baggage.”

Jin nods, his eyes now tinged red as he murmurs, “It’s been tough.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Ah.” He smiles sadly. “We’ve only just met, and you’re clearly a very sweet woman. I’d feel bad dumping it all out on you when I’ve already wasted your time.”

“Maybe it would be good for both of us?” you suggest. “Obviously we’re both not feeling this from a date standpoint, but maybe what we need is just a friend who understands.”

A slow tip of his chin downwards as he considers. “I think I can do that.”

“And you’re not wasting my time, for the record. I just appreciate the company.”

Jin visibly relaxes at that, his posture easing with the pressure of the date now gone.

“So Namjoon told me you also just got out of a long-term relationship?” you ask, poking at your ravioli.

His chin dips in acknowledgment, voice rough as he states, “Aera.”

“How long were the two of you together?”

“Since high school.” He twists the fabric of his napkin in his hands. “She was my first…everything. Truly. I’ve never loved anyone or anything like her.” A stray thread absentmindedly twines around his finger, the blood darkening under the skin. “We made it all the way through college and my physical therapy schooling doing long distance. Spent the past couple years finally living together. We were happy.” The thread snaps, and he shakes his head. “At least I thought we were.”

You’d swear you can feel your heart literally ache with how forlorn he looks across the table as you gently ask, “I’m guessing she left?”

“I proposed, and she said no.” A strand of dark hair falls in front of his eyes, and he rakes a hand across his head one, two, three times in frustration. “She told me she thinks she’s missing out. That she already lost most of her youth to me, waiting to finish school, when she could’ve been enjoying herself and seeing what else is out there.” He slumps forward, leaning his forearms on the table and lacing his fingers together. “But I can’t understand. I spent just as much time with her, and I never doubted it. To me, she was always the one.”

A quiet settles at the table, the conversational white noise of your fellow diners taking over for the moment as you soak in the sudden sense of kinship with the man in front of you—both blindsided by the partners you thought you’d spend the rest of your lives with.

“I get it,” you tell him, feeling the need to give something in return after he opened his heart to a stranger. “My ex—I thought we were about to get engaged too. I was making all of these plans in my head only to find out that we definitely weren’t on the same page.”

Gentle eyes appraise your face. “He broke up with you?”

“He cheated.”

The words taste bitter as they drop from your lips.

“I’m so sorry,” Jin says, and you can tell by his tone and the look on his face that he genuinely means it.

You chew the inside of your cheek until a canine catches the soft corner of your lip and you taste blood. “I found a ring in his desk and then found him in bed with someone else two weeks later.”

“Wow, Y/N.” He bends in as if he’s going to take your hand before seeming to think better of it and sighing. “I can’t even imagine if I had…” A shake of his head like he’s trying to clear an intrusive thought. “Puts my situation into perspective. I feel awful even comparing the two.”

“Oh, please don’t,” you quickly say. “Your hurt is just as valid as mine. But I can tell that you’re a really great guy, Jin. And if Aera can’t see it, I’m sure there’s someone out there who will cherish that.” You smile to yourself, remembering a night not too long ago with tanned skin and old photographs. “That’s the advice Taehyung gave me, at least.”

“Taehyung?”

“Oh, sorry, he’s my best friend.”

There’s an agreeable hiss as Jin sucks his teeth with a nod. “Well, he sounds like a smart man.”

“He’s my favorite person in the whole world.”

“He must be pretty great, then.”

You can’t help but to nod your head eagerly, words rushing out of you. “He cares so deeply. And he’s so, so talented, but he has a tendency to underestimate himself sometimes,” you gush. “But he’s incredible at everything he does. And just…so resilient. I’ve seen him go through things that no person should ever have to endure, and he’s never let it make him resentful. He could be having the worst day of his life, and he’d still give you the shirt off his back. I admire him more than anyone I’ve ever met.”

“You’ve known each other a while then?”

“Since we were kids,” you explain. “It was lonely growing up in my house—my parents weren’t around a lot—so we’d hang out every day. He always knew how to cheer me up, how to make me smile, even by simply being there. Some days, we’d literally sit in my room doing homework silently for hours, and it just felt nice to share space with somebody else. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have him.”

Jin watches you closely. It reminds you of Namjoon’s typical evaluative expression, and you can instantly understand why they’re friends. Heat rises to your cheeks as you realize you’ve been jabbering on, though Jin doesn’t look too bothered, asking, “And the two of you have never…?”

You sheepishly poke at your food again, red as a tomato now based on how hot your cheeks feel. “No, he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“But you feel that way about him?”

Something strange churns low in your belly. You’re not sure why your usual denials catch on the back of your throat, but they stick there, holding your tongue hostage. It should come easily, the words, “No, just friends” a habit by now.

Why do they suddenly feel like a lie?

Thankfully, you’re saved as your phone flashes in the low light of the restaurant with an incoming call, Jimin’s face appearing on the screen.

You furrow your eyebrows at the smiling photo, Jin still watching you curiously. Jimin knows you’re on a date right now, and he’s supposed to be out clubbing with Taehyung, Maya, and Jungkook. Why would he be calling you? Could it be a case of butt dialing? Then again, maybe he’s just drunk.

Or maybe something is wrong.

Your anxiety wins out, and you make a quick apology to Jin, who kindly waves you off, before swiping to accept the call.

“What’s up? I’m on a date.”

“I know, Y/N, and I’m so sorry, but I think we need you at the apartment. Something’s happened.” Jimin’s voice is frazzled on the other end of the line, the discomfort in your stomach slipping straight to full-on nausea as your fingers tighten around the phone, skin stretching taut around your knuckles when he speaks again.

“It’s Tae.”

The club is loud, music pounding an earthquake into the walls and floors as a tangle of sweaty bodies surges around the dance floor. Jimin thinks to himself that maybe, just maybe, he's starting to get a little too old for this when the image of the writhing mob does more to set off feelings of claustrophobia than set him at ease. Still, once he and the others have made camp at a more secluded table in the back of the room, drinks in hand, he's still appreciative of the time out with his friends—even with Jungkook immediately scurrying off with a glint in his eye, target already in his sights.

"Ugh, look at him," Maya sneers, watching him chat up a blonde woman at the bar. "Shameless. Absolutely shameless."

Jimin can't resist a smirk. "Careful there, Maya, you sound jealous."

"Oh, fuck no!" she shrieks, punctuating this with a sip of her drink. "On the contrary, I hope this works out for him, and they get married and have a million babies and move far, far away. Get him out of my hair."

Both Jimin and Taehyung chuckle at that. "You do know you have the option of not sleeping with him, right?" Jimin asks.

"I take what I can get, and he's good at his craft. I'll give him that." Jimin chokes on his drink, while Taehyung only smiles, amused. "Speaking of getting, anyone catching the eye of either of you gentlemen? I'm happy to take on wing-woman duties tonight."

"No," Taehyung says, shaking his head. "I'm just here to make sure none of you do something stupid."

Maya rolls her eyes. "Translation: the love of my life is out on a date, and I'm trying not to think about it. How about you, Chim?"

"I don't know." Jimin shrugs. "Let me get a couple drinks in me and then see how I feel."

"Suit yourselves. But just remember that I offered when I ask one of you two to help a girl out." She tosses her hair over her shoulder. "Especially you, Tae. I know your heart is taken with your endless 'will-they-won't-they' thing with Y/N, but you could always sell the fake ex play better than Jimin here…Tae?"

But Taehyung is no longer paying attention, eyes now intensely locked on the crowd like a hawk zeroing in on prey. Maya follows his line of sight to a couple grinding on the edge of the dance floor, a dark-haired woman and a man with a distinct, bright green jacket—

"Oh my God, is that Jace?!"

Jimin's head snaps around, and even from a distance, there's no denying it. Jace tosses his head back, laughing at something the woman says, before he presses into her further, leaning back down to whisper something in her ear. Jimin quickly turns towards Taehyung, who sits terrifyingly still, eyes still zoned in on Jace and his date.

"Tae, I know you're angry. We all are," he begins, gripping Taehyung's forearm in an attempt to grab his attention. "But you cannot confront him. Not here, not now. Y/N is doing great—she's finally starting to move on. Don't undo that by poking the bear."

"He's right," Maya says, leaning in. "You're not going to accomplish anything here. It's loud, there's too many people—he'll just brush you off. And I know you care about her, Tae, but really? Not your battle to fight. Let it go."

Taehyung continues to sit in silence until Jace and the woman disappear into the crowd, and it's like a spell is suddenly lifted as he blinks rapidly at his friends. "No, you're right." He rubs a finger at the space between his eyes. "Y/N is a grown woman. She doesn't need me to protect her."

"See? A man of sense," Maya lilts. "Not like Mr. Don Juan over here about to stick his tongue into yet another college girl who thinks his immature ass counts as an ‘older man’." She nods her head towards the bar where the blonde woman has positioned herself closer to Jungkook, his hands now encircling her waist.

Taehyung quirks an eyebrow, teasing, "You’re not in college though."

Maya's jaw drops, and she puts a hand to her heart in feigned offense. "Wow! Someone's feisty tonight."

"Don't underestimate Tae when he's in one of his moods," Jimin laughs. "And don't overestimate Kook. I bet you twenty bucks he doesn't take her home."

"I'll take that action. He's got her wrapped around him already. Easy money." They shake on it, and the conversation devolves into trying to find someone in the crowd for Maya to shoot her shot with. However, in spite of her previous claim that she "takes what she can get," she finds an excuse to brush off every potential candidate ("Too short…too tall…too rich-looking?").

(Jimin suspects it may have something to do with the man who is now kissing the blonde at the bar.)

An hour later, and they're still parked at the table and on their third round of drinks. Jace has not resurfaced since they first spotted him, much to Jimin's relief, and he hopes he snuck out to a different club somewhere across town or maybe even a different country. Taehyung sports an easy smile now, alcohol loosening up his body as he laughs at a story Maya is telling about two guys who once had a fist-fight over her in this very club during college. Still, Jimin keeps an eye on their surroundings, likewise wary about what might happen if Jace spots them.

"And thankfully, the cops didn't wind up getting called, but oh God, can you imagine?" Maya howls, her and Taehyung in near-hysterics as she finishes up her story.

"Geez," Taehyung gasps, wiping at his eyes. "You're gonna make me piss my pants. I need the bathroom."

He stands from the table and wanders off in the direction of the restrooms, Maya staring at his back the whole way.

"We need to get that guy laid," she dramatically sighs.

"While he's still in crisis mode over Y/N’s breakup?" Jimin scoffs. "Good luck with that one."

"I don't get those two—I really don't." Maya rattles her perfectly-manicured nails against the table. "She's single for the first time in four years. He's been helplessly in love with her for so much longer. I don't know what he's waiting for."

"I mean it's only been what, a month?" Jimin muses. "He probably feels like it's too soon to make a move. Which is fair."

"Jimin. You're a man. You have eyes. Not only is Y/N pretty, but she has that whole—" She waves a hand in front of her face. "—'take me home to meet your parents’ energy to her. She won't be on the market for long, and you know it. She's already got this date with this Seokjin guy—and Tae told her to do it! It's like he's trying to sabotage himself! And then you have Y/N being smitten with him as always, too. I mentioned helping Tae find a hook-up earlier, and she looked like she was going to hurl."

He shrugs, tapping the side of his glass in thought. “I think they’re just scared. Imagine knowing someone for as long as they have and having to take that leap and risk losing it all.”

“You are out of your mind if you think either of them would reject each other,” Maya snorts.

“You don’t think Y/N might not want to take the chance that they fall apart? Especially after what she’s going through?”

“Tae wouldn’t do that to her,” she frigidly says, as if to challenge the very audacity of the thought.

“I’m not saying he would; I’m just saying she might be guarded.”

“So the solution is for him to help set her up with other guys at his own expense? That’s not fair to him either.”

He tilts his head in subtle agreement but adds, "Look, I want to see the two of them together as much as the next person. But maybe we need to just…let them come to it on their own? I mean, we've tried nudging them in the past, and it clearly hasn't worked. But I have faith they'll get there. Tae can be an idiot, but not that much of an id—"

His thought is cut off by screams and the sound of a commotion out on the dance floor. Hairs standing up on the back of his neck, Jimin bolts from his chair and darts into the crowd, Maya close on his heels. They shove their way through the surge of bodies—pressing back and away from the source of the disturbance—until they reach the spot where a small space has cleared out, and Jimin hears Maya swear loudly behind him.

Taehyung is knelt over Jace on the floor, his fists connecting with the latter's face and head over and over in a frenzy. Jace lies there, face bloodied and clearly dazed, his hands weakly raised in front of him in a futile attempt to shield himself from the blows, but Taehyung is relentless. His arm swings down on a repeated loop as if powered by a motor, and even though the music continues to pound above them, Jimin would swear he can hear the sound of knuckles cracking against flesh and bone. He rushes forward with Maya, both of them grabbing ahold of Taehyung's shoulders to pull him back, but he struggles against them, still trying desperately to connect his punches.

Jungkook suddenly materializes out of nowhere, a halfway-finished beer in his hand that he promptly empties over Jace’s head before grabbing Taehyung around the waist and dragging him back through the crowd. The three of them are able to muscle Taehyung towards the door, Jungkook breaking off to intercept the two bouncers who are stalking their way over as Jimin shoves Taehyung out onto the sidewalk.

"What the fuck, man!"

Taehyung's eyes are wild, his gray hoodie dotted with blood. "I wasn't finished," he says, deep voice chillingly calm.

"Are you out of your mind?!" Maya screams. "Are you trying to get yourself arrested?! Over that piece of shit?!”

“You said you were going to the fucking bathroom,” Jimin angrily adds. “How the hell did you wind up in a fistfight?!”

“I saw him. I hit him. I’m going to do it again,” Taehyung bluntly states. “Let me back in there.”

“The hell we are!” Maya exclaims, and Taehyung may have a few good inches on her, but she steps toe-to-toe with him to block his way. “He's not worth it, Tae, he's not!"

"She is!" Taehyung snaps, and Jimin notices his hands start to shake as the adrenaline begins to wear off. "She…you guys saw her that night. You saw her. In all this time, I have never seen her that broken. Never." His voice cracks, and a sheen appears behind his eyes, tears threatening to spill. "So get out of my way because I am going to make that motherfucker feel every tear I've had to wipe from her face because of him!"

"You're not." The door of the club swings shut as Jungkook joins them outside. "We're leaving now."

Taehyung takes a step forward, pleading, "Jungkook, I—"

"No, Tae, you're done." Jungkook moves to grab his arm, but Taehyung recognizes defeat and shakes him off, pulling his hood over his head and tramping off in the direction of their apartment. The others follow behind, close enough to keep a watchful eye out but with enough distance to give him space to cool down.

"How did it go inside?" Jimin asks quietly.

Jungkook pushes a hand through his hair. “We lucked out. I've worked with those guys before, and we're friendly. Gave them a quick rundown of the situation, and they're going to try and contain it, but…you know…" He shrugs. "That was technically assault."

"What that was was idiotic," Maya hisses.

"It was awesome."

"Kook!"

"What?! It was. Would've thought about taking care of it myself if Tae hadn't beaten me to it. Guy deserved it."

"At the cost of possible jail?" Jimin chimes in. "We all hate the guy, but I don't think it's doing Y/N a favor if she has to bail us out of—" He slaps a hand to his forehead. "Oh, fuck, Y/N."

The other two look at him in question, and he hesitates. "Do we…do we tell her?" he asks slowly. "She's on that date. What if it's going well?"

The three of them fall into silence, looking uneasily at Taehyung's back. He walks with his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunched and heels digging into the sidewalk. Jimin watches as he takes a kick at an empty can, sending it flying into the gutter.

"It's Tae," Maya murmurs suddenly from his left. "She'd want to know."

"Shit, yeah." Jimin presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to rub away the headache that is quickly developing. "I'll call her—see if she can meet us back at the apartment."

"I'm going to call Hobi too," Jungkook says, phone already out. "I've punched someone before and can guarantee—his hand is fucked up."

Jimin nods, slowing his steps so he can fall behind the others for a bit of privacy. He doesn't know how the night spiraled so out of control, but he can't shake the existential feeling that something in the cosmos has changed.

Sliding his phone out of his pocket, he takes a deep breath of the night air and dials your number.

Your hands shake as you fumble with your keys outside the guys' apartment, struggling to grasp the spare that Taehyung lent you when you decided to stay with them. Jimin had said to take your time if you had to, but the thought of something being wrong with Taehyung had you in a panic. He hadn’t given you any details either, saying that they’d explain it all once you were there.

Jin had hurried you out at the distressed look on your face after you hung up, telling you that he’d take care of dinner and to go take care of your friend (you’ll later try to have Namjoon pass along some money for your meal that Jin will steadfastly refuse). Not wanting to stand and wait for an Uber, you had half-run the twelve blocks from the restaurant instead.

Out of breath, you gasp out a, "What happened?!" when Jungkook opens the door at the sound of your scrambling, not even giving him a chance to answer before you're pushing past him inside.

Taehyung sits on the edge of the couch with Hoseok kneeling in front of him, first aid kit at his feet. From here, you can see that his right hand is littered with cuts, purple bruises already forming across his swollen knuckles even as Hoseok tends to the wounds. Taehyung doesn't look up when you walk in, his eyes hooded and fixed on his hand.

"What the fuck happened?!" You repeat, but the room is quiet for a moment more as Jungkook, Jimin, and Maya all look at each other as if they don't know what to say.

Jimin breaks first. "We, ah…" he begins from his armchair seat. "We ran into your ex."

Your heart drops into your stomach, and you immediately feel dizzy. Images of Jace flood your mind: his smile, his hands, his voice—him tangled up in your bed when you got back from the beach house.

"He was at the club," Jimin continues. "And Tae…he, um—"

"He kicked his ass!" Jungkook chirps, an unmistakable hint of delight in his voice.

A tornado of feelings rips through your insides, a blend of confusion and anxiety that has you momentarily reeling. You'd be lying if you said you didn't have any residual feelings for Jace, the tiniest part of your brain in a worry over the state he might be in right now. But it all melts away when you look down at the man who still won't meet your eyes, his purpling hand making your heart twist even harder.

"Are you okay?" you ask softly, and Taehyung finally lifts his head to look at you. His gaze is stoic, but there's a haze of emotion behind his eyes that you can't place.

"I'm fine," he says, but his voice is tight and gravelly.

Hoseok tuts, dabbing a spot of ointment across Taehyung's knuckles. "Let's hope you stay that way. I don't think you'll need any stitches, and nothing seems to be broken, but we'll have to keep an eye on this to make sure nothing gets infected." He pulls bandages out of the first aid kit and begins wrapping Taehyung's hand.

You're afraid to ask this next question, but the words fall out anyway. "Did the police come?"

Jimin shakes his head. "We got out of there quick, and Kook talked to the bouncers that were friends of his—" Jungkook gives a two-finger salute from his perch by the kitchen. "—they said they'd try to take care of it, but who knows." He pauses before asking, "Do you think Jace would press charges?"

"I don't know," you answer honestly. You've known Jace to be proud, but you're not sure if that means he'll brush this off as a simple scrap or want to save face in some way.

"If he does, I know a lawyer who might be able to help," Maya pipes up at the opposite end of the couch. "He's a…friend. Owes me a favor."

"A lawyer friend?" Jungkook asks, eyes narrowing. "Do we know him? What's his name?"

"Last name: Out. First name: Butt."

Jungkook scoffs at that, but you also hear him mutter under his breath, "He sounds like a butt."

"Well as much as I would like to stay and chat about fights and butts," Hoseok says, bandaging the last of Tae's hand and closing his kit, "Sunny and I have a meeting with the wedding coordinator in the morning so I’ve gotta go. Keep that clean, and text me immediately if anything looks or feels wrong or if the swelling doesn’t go down. I can swing by in a couple days to look at it again."

Taehyung nods silently, and Hoseok heads for the door, waving as Jungkook shouts, "Thanks, doc!"

An awkward silence sweeps the room as the door swings shut, the only sound being that of Jimin anxiously tapping his heels against the floor. Maya reads the room, looking around at each person and eventually settling on you and Taehyung. Your posture is tense as you stiffly hover by the side of the couch, shifting your feet, while Taehyung is back to avoiding eye contact.

"I think I'm going to head out too," she says, standing up and shooting Jimin a pointed look.

"Do you need a ride home?" Jungkook asks. His tone says that he's trying to be nonchalant, but his eyes betray his eagerness.

"I'm a big girl, Kook," Maya drawls. "I can get myself home."

"Would you let lawyer friend drive you home?"

She rolls her eyes dramatically, her whole head tilting back in exasperation. "Oh my God, you're insufferable. Fine."

Jungkook moves for his keys, a certain spring in his step, while Maya addresses the rest of you. "I'll stop by tomorrow. Please, please try to stay out of trouble until then. Looking at you, Tae." And then she and Jungkook exit the apartment, Maya slipping money into Jimin’s hand as she goes.

Jimin lets out a heavy sigh. "Well he's not coming home tonight." He stands and stretches his arms above his head. "I'm gonna turn in. Let me know if either of you needs something, yeah?" He shuffles away to his bedroom, leaving you and Taehyung alone.

Taehyung continues to sit still as a statue, staring at the wall, and so you take a careful seat next to him, slowly so as to not jostle the cushions too much. When he keeps his eyes straight ahead, you gently take his injured hand between both of yours. His body visibly softens as you graze your fingers back and forth across his palm.

"Tae…"

He looks at you then, and you take the time to examine his face. There's no guilt or shame in his expression, but you see a pain there that has you reaching up to rub at the creases between his eyes.

His eyelids droop down at your touch. “I’m sorry about your date.”

“It’s fine,” you say. “It wasn’t going that well anyway.”

You see a muscle jump in his jaw, concern tightening the corners of his mouth. “Did he do something?”

“Easy.” You resume your tracing of his palm. “He was very kind and respectful, and we had an oddly sweet conversation. Just realized that neither of us is in the proper mindset for it to be anything more than maybe a friendship.”

A hum comes from deep in his throat. “Alright.”

“Certainly no need for you to fight any other men on my behalf,” you say, and he shoots you an uneasy look before staring down your reflections in the dark of the TV screen.

You take it in with him, observing the shadowy duplicates who feel like they’re sitting across from you. The linked arms, the soothing press of your knee to his—your current situation may feel anxiety-inducing, but the figures mirrored in the screen look comfortable. Unified.

"Are you mad?" he whispers after a moment.

The question catches you off guard. "Why would I be?"

"I know you still care about him." Taehyung swallows, glancing down at your intertwined hands. "You wouldn't still be this upset over him if you didn't."

You let his words sink in, not altogether untrue but certainly not at the forefront of your mind right now. "I'm not worried about him—I'm worried about you." Taehyung's eyes flash at that with something akin to confusion, and you chew at your lower lip. "I've never seen you like this."

It's true. Taehyung, in spite of his mild nature, has always had a protective streak in him. One time, when the two of you were twelve, a few boys in your class had spent a week bullying you about your clothes—calling you a “spoiled, pretentious bitch”—only to come back from gym class one day to find their shirts in the garbage, cut to bits. But never—in all of your years together—have you ever known him to get violent.

"I tried to let it go. I did," Taehyung insists. He picks at his bandages, and you cover his hand with your own to still him. "I just…" His voice cracks, eyes suddenly glassy. "I couldn't stop seeing you on the bathroom floor that night."

The tears spill over, and you pull him into you, his arms wrapping around your waist as he gasps into your shoulder. He's trying to force the emotion down—you can feel it in the way his body trembles—and so you tangle your fingers in the spot where his hairline meets the back of his neck. You know it's always been a soothing spot for him, and his breathing slowly evens out as you coast your fingers back and forth, a rogue piece of your brain taking pleasure in the feel of his soft hair under your hands.

"Tae," you whisper again once he's calmed, and he pulls back to look at you, face entirely too close. Your heart stutters at the sheer amount of raw affection in his expression, and the words you were about to say catch in your throat along with your breath. Since when does being around him make you so nervous?

"I'm sorry," Taehyung murmurs, entirely oblivious to your current internal struggle. "I know this isn't about me—"

"No," you quickly say, snapping out of your inner turmoil. "Tae, you're allowed to have feelings, you know?" Your fingers absentmindedly run along his neck again. "And like you told me that night, I will be fine. I will be. It just…takes a bit of time. And I appreciate everything you've done to try and help get me there."

You try to convey just how much you mean this in your tone, lacing your words with every bit of gratitude you've built up over the past month (over the past years). Taehyung seems to understand, his thumb coming up to gently brush against your chin.

A glimpse of white bandages turns you sullen, raising your hands to delicately graze against their soft edges and chart the way they wrap around his knuckles. He winces as you touch them, and frustration crests like a wave in your chest; you hate that he’s hurting, hate that your own troubles are the cause of it.

“You didn’t have to do this for me,” you sigh, dripping with guilt.

“I’d do anything for you.”

His words are firm, and he cants forward as he says them until his forehead rests against yours, a single shared breath haunting the space between your lips.

"I just don't ever want to see you like that again," he whispers.

And it's all too much: your pulse spikes, the blood pounding through your veins at his nearness and the honey-sweet words rolling off his tongue. This time, you're the one who can't look him in the eye as you put some distance between your bodies, abruptly shifting away from him on the couch.

"You won't."

The tension settles in thick, and Taehyung gazes at you, undoubtedly perplexed by your sudden withdrawal. Just as he opens his mouth to say something, you nod at his hand. "You had an eventful day. I'm fine out here if you want to sleep?"

He slowly shakes his head. "No, uh…I don't think I'll be able to sleep. Might just stay up and watch some TV. You can take my bed, though, if you're tired."

The charged atmosphere still has you slightly shaken—your scrambled brain trying to make sense of the tingling in your stomach—but concern for Taehyung ultimately wins out, and you tell him that you'll stay up to keep him company. He doesn't argue with that, simply flips on your favorite cooking channel and drags your legs into his lap as you stretch out.

It's how Jungkook finds you as he slinks back in the next morning, smiling to himself as he drapes a blanket over your sleeping forms.

July is beginning its descent into August, stifling clouds of heat stuffing themselves into roads and alleyways, when your sign to move back into your own apartment comes in the form of Jeon Jungkook almost getting a full look at your bare ass one Saturday morning.

He immediately flips his back to you, frantically covering his face with his arms and bellowing, "I'M NOT LOOKING!" at the top of his lungs.

"Jeon, you'd better keep your eyes covered or I swear to God I'll put your nuts in a vise!"

"Is that like a kink thi—"

"Do NOT." You rush to dress yourself, giving him the signal when it's safe to turn around.

He doesn't look the least bit ashamed, the bastard.

"Not that it's necessarily unwelcome, but why were you almost naked in my living room?"

You glare at him. "Jimin is taking one of his long ass showers."

"And Tae's at work. Just use his room."

You'd thought about it, but the idea of getting naked in your best friend's bedroom had made you blush, like you'd be crossing some sort of line.

"I thought I could change fast enough," you say, not wanting to have to explain your reasoning to Jungkook of all people.

"Well you obviously thought wrong." He smirks, and you already know what's coming. "Nice bra, by the way."

You pick up a throw pillow off the couch and fling it at him. You'd been shooting for his head, wanting to smack the smug grin right off his face, but your aim is about two feet off and he catches it effortlessly anyway.

What an ass.

“No wonder Maya is always pissed at you,” you jab. “Constantly flirting with other girls.”

His demeanor shifts ever so slightly—his shoulders lower, and you can tell by the way his cockiness subtly but immediately deflates that you’ve wounded him. A pang of regret for your words hits at the sight of wide doe eyes.

“She talks about me to you?”

You wouldn’t have believed it to be possible, but you don’t think that you’ve ever seen him look so innocent, tentative hopefulness coloring his face.

“Not, like, regularly, but sometimes, sure,” you say, not quite certain how to handle this new edition of Jungkook.

“What does she say?”

Wow, those big, round Bambi eyes are really doing work.

“Just that, you know.” You scratch at your ear, not wanting to accidentally throw Maya under any buses while also honoring your friendship with Jungkook. “You’re kind of annoying sometimes.”

That clearly doesn’t make him happy, his jaw tightening with discontent as he grimaces. “Right.”

“I mean think about it, Kook,” you say, compelled to defend Maya. “You hook up with her, and then flirt and pick up other girls right in front of her face.”

“We’re not exclusive!” he exclaims.

“Maybe she wants to be?”

“But that was her idea!”

That stops you. Not once since you found out the two of them were hooking up did it cross your mind that Jungkook would ever be the one unhappy with their arrangement. He’s never had a serious girlfriend in the entire time you’ve known him. Up until this moment, you were sure he’d be a perpetual bachelor. “What?”

“She wanted to be non-exclusive.”

“And you…don’t?”

He looks away from you, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know.”

No. It can’t be.

“Wait a second.”

You move to stand in front of him, taking his face in your hands so you can turn him every which way, inspecting his face. Pink cheeks, a creased brow, jawline so hard you could probably cut yourself on it.

“You’re flustered!” you shriek. Jungkook quickly uncrosses his arms to bat your hands away, reeling back to put some distance between the two of you.

“I’m not!”

“You are!” you shout, following him as he roams around the room. “Jeon Jungkook is flustered!”

“Bah, you’re insane, woman.” He swings a dismissive hand even as the two of you settle in at the kitchen island.

“You’d be cute together!”

“She’s too stubborn.”

“I can totally see it!”

“It would never work.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Hey, worry about your own love life.”

He means it to be teasing, obviously not thinking too hard about his words because the second he realizes what he’s just said, he pales. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” you say, sobered. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Still—“

“You’re right. I’m avoiding things.” You peer over at the pull-out couch, still in bed-mode with your blankets and pillows messily strewn across it. Your suitcase, meanwhile, sits off to the side with the contents tangled and half-overflowing.

In short, you’re a mess.

The guys have never made you feel unwelcome, have only ever made it clear that you are free to stay as long as you’d like, but you’d be lying if you said you haven’t felt your time here beginning to weigh on your shoulders, knowing you’re only putting off the inevitable.

You feel like you’ve been (slowly, but surely) making emotional progress, but going back to the apartment might threaten to undo all of that. Although it may have felt like it at times growing up, you’ve technically never lived alone, and you’ve grown accustomed to having your people around. In fact, you thrive on it. Being around your friends is the only reason why you’ve been doing as well as you have.

You love having someone to come home to.

“I need to move back soon,” you tell Jungkook. “But returning to the apartment is actually terrifying.”

He considers you for a moment, leaning his weight back on the granite countertop. “Do you know what helps me when I’m not confident about something?”

“Getting a stranger to moan your name?”

“Well, yes, but aside from that.” You shrug, and he grins. “I just do it.”

“Wow, Jeon,” you say, with the appropriate amount of eye roll. “Reaching real deep on that one.”

“I mean it!” he urges. “Just need to rip off the band-aid. The longer you dwell on it, the harder it will be in the end.”

That’s…oddly decent advice.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you might have a point,” you say, somewhat thrown off by this flustered, good-advice-giving version of your friend.

“And speaking of things being harder, that last bit of advice also goes for forepl—“

“Aaaaaaand it’s ruined.”

“I’m just saying it has multiple applications!”

“Yeah, it’s time for me to move back out,” you say. “I can’t live with you anymore.”

Jungkook chuckles, rubbing at his jaw. “Tae is going to be devastated though.”

Your head jerks around. “What? Why?”

“Because he likes having you here,” he says, looking at you like you just asked him what color the sky is. “The guy punched out your ex for you. I think it’s safe to say he enjoys having you around.”

You wince at the mention of the club, a nerve jumping in your chest every time you’re reminded that Taehyung almost got arrested defending your honor. Nothing had ever come of the fight, so you’re assuming Jace has chosen to just let it go, and for that, you’re thankful. You never would have been able to live with it if Taehyung had suffered serious consequences over your own personal crisis.

You’d do the same thing for him, sure. But that’s different.

“Jimin and I will miss you too, of course,” Jungkook continues. “And I’m still kind of sad I didn’t get my own shot in on that asshole that night. Dumped a beer on him though.” He smiles at you like he’d be wagging his tail if he had one.

“My hero.”

“Yeah, the mayor said I’m getting a medal.”

“Oh, really? When’s the ceremony.”

“Sunday afternoon.”

You snap your fingers. “Ah, I can’t make it. I have a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, a super important thing. Way more important than your thing.”

“You’re a heart-breaker, Y/N. My ego will never recover.” He grins again, playfully rapping his fingers against the counter as he stands to grab a drink.

“Yep,” he says, voice muffled on the other side of the fridge door. “Definitely going to miss you around here.”

As Jungkook predicted, Taehyung frowns when he gets home from work and you tell him about your plans to move back into your apartment at the end of the week, perhaps sensing your apprehension about returning to the scene of the crime. He insists he’ll come with you and sleep over the first night for support and to make sure you’re okay being back there.

“Whatever you need,” he says. “You’re not going to face it alone.”

Your apartment is pitch black when you swing the door open, the quietness hovering in the air making you feel like you're suffocating. You flick on the light, and you're struck by how much emptier the space is. Jace definitely came by at some point as all of his things are no longer present: his gaming system, his turntable, the tiny rhino statue he had picked out on your last vacation together. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot a glint of a key on the kitchen counter.

Taehyung tries to give you space by busying himself—turning on lights and opening cabinets in a seeming attempt to take inventory of what Jace left behind. He steals glances at you every now and then as you slowly move through the living room, hands reaching out to lightly brush at the furniture with no real goal in mind. This is supposed to be your home, but you feel like a stranger—the ghosts of late nights binging TV shows, giggling wildly at inside jokes, promising forever lurk around every corner.

When you take a hesitant step inside the bedroom, your breath catches in your throat and you choke on a sob. The bedsheets are still in a tangle, a relic of that night seven weeks ago when your whole world fell apart.

Taehyung senses something is wrong and bolts to your side in an instant, hands steadying you where you slump against the doorframe. He turns you in his arms, and his fingers come up to cradle your face in his direction.

"Don't look at that, look at me," he murmurs, thumbs rubbing away the tears that have begun to fall. "What do you need?"

To run, to hide, to crawl into the deepest hole you can find and scream your lungs out until the pain subsides. But you can't. Instead you focus on the brown of Taehyung's eyes, let it ease you back down until your breathing steadies and your heart rate levels.

"A shower," you finally choke out. "I need a shower."

He takes a final swipe at your tear-stained cheeks and offers up a small smile. "Okay. Where are the towels?"

You nod in the direction of the closet as Taehyung ushers you out towards the bathroom. It feels empty in here too, the single toothbrush staring you down from its holder and counter notably absent of shaving cream and hair gel. You tear your eyes away from the vanity to start the water running, and Taehyung pops up a moment later with a towel in hand and a fresh pair of pajamas he must've found in your dresser.

"Take your time," he says. "And if you need anything, anything at all, just give a shout. I'll be right out here." His cheeks take on a hint of pink when you quirk an eyebrow at him. "I'll close my eyes. Promise."

You thank him as he steps out so you can strip and get into the tub. The water is set to a near-scalding temperature and you welcome the sting, scrubbing away at your skin as if trying to erase all of the memories that are once again flooding back.

Your first date at the art museum, where he pointed to a painting of an extravagant rose garden and said it reminded him of you.

Your first kiss under the stars, the two of you losing track of time as he pulled you in again and again.

Endless Saturdays wandering around the city, not caring where you wound up as long as his hand was in yours.

Planning your someday wedding, his whispered promises of, Soon, beautiful, soon, sealed with a signature wink.

Picking out names for children who would never be born.

The tears are pouring out of you now, but you let them. One cry, you promise yourself. One final, good cry to wash it all away, and then it'll be time to let go for good.

You don't know how long you spend in the shower, but by the time you step back out into the living room, Taehyung has already set himself up with a makeshift bed on the couch. He lifts his head when he sees you and, taking note of your red-rimmed eyes, gets up to pull you into a hug.

For a moment he just holds you, arms banding tight around your shoulders before he says, "I cleaned out your fridge. Most of it was spoiled." He hesitates, pulling back to look at you. "And I changed the bedsheets." A hand rubs at the back of his neck. "I actually ran downstairs and threw them straight in the dumpster, I hope that's okay."

His thoughtfulness overwhelms you, and you'd probably start crying again if not for the fact that you don't think you have a single tear left in your body. As you gape at him, Taehyung interprets your silence for disapproval and quickly adds, "I'll buy you new ones."

You respond by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him back into you, sinking your face into the crook of his neck as you whisper a, "Thank you."

He seems to falter for a second before returning the hug, and as you give him one last squeeze he steps back, scrutinizing you more closely. "You look like you could use some sleep."

"Yeah," you admit, eyeing the cramped set-up on the couch. "Is that going to be okay for you though?"

"Absolutely," he chimes, bounding over to the couch to settle back in. He has to bend his long legs to fit, toes pressing into the fabric of the arm. "See? Comfy." When he catches the uneasy look on your face, he says, "Honestly. Y/N. Nowhere else I'd rather be."

You give him a hesitant nod—you know it'd be useless to try to convince him otherwise. "Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight!" He flips onto his back, popping an arm behind his head and closing his eyes.

You cross the room slowly and, just like last time, find yourself pausing at the threshold of your bedroom. The bed is no longer a mess, fresh sheets now stretched neatly across the mattress, but as you look at it, it strikes you that you have never slept here alone. And while you may have committed yourself to moving on from this moment forward, you know this has the power to break you. Tomorrow, maybe, but right now, you're nowhere near ready for this.

You look back and forth between your bed and where Taehyung is lying, his legs now half-draped over the couch's arm, and you make up your mind.

"Tae?"

"Hmm?" He opens his eyes and turns his head to look at you.

"Can you sleep in here with me?"

He blinks, jaw dropping in surprise. "Uhh…are you sure?"

His hesitancy has you losing some of your nerve, and you have to look away. "I just don't think I can…" You purse your lips and shake your head. "You don't have to. I just—"

"No, it's okay. We can—yeah," he blurts, already standing up.

He sidesteps you in the doorway, taking your hand and pulling you into the room after him with a soft smile. "C'mon. Like I said, whatever you need."

Taehyung pulls back the covers so the two of you can crawl in. It's awkward at first, both of your bodies lying stiff across from each other. Physical affection has never been altogether uncommon for the two of you, but this—lying in the bed you used to share with your ex—feels like crossing a line of intimacy that you've never experienced with him before.

But then Taehyung laughs, reaching over to take your hand in his. "I know we’re a long way from high school, but we can do this, yeah? Not like we haven’t shared a bed before."

It breaks the tension, and you giggle back, looking down at where he's laced your fingers together. His knuckles are still lightly bruised with touches of yellow and green, and you run your free hand over the marks, smile drooping.

"I'm really sorry about this," you murmur.

"I'm not." Taehyung's forehead creases. "I'd do it again."

"Please don't," you say quickly. "If you see him again, just let it go."

He frowns and opens his mouth to respond, but you cut in. "Not because I care about him. I just don't want you getting into any trouble on his account. He's not worth it."

Taehyung briefly clenches his jaw but eventually gives you a slow nod. "Well I think my point was made anyway."

"Thank you," you say, pulling his hand up to brush a light kiss to his bruises. "I know I keep saying that, but I really can't tell you enough."

"You don't need to thank me. I know you'd do the same." His face breaks out into one of his boxy smiles. "Remember when Luna broke up with me, and I barely left the apartment for two weeks? You stopped by every day to make sure I was still eating."

You hum at the memory. It had been two weeks of dropping off take-out and commandeering the boys' kitchen to make large batch meals, even harassing Jimin to give you regular updates on whether or not Taehyung had eaten lunch. Jace had given you grief about it at the time, whining that Taehyung was a grown man who could take care of himself, especially when the two of you had just moved in and were still working on unpacking.

“And my birthday junior year of high school.” He’s quiet as he remembers, eyes fixed on some spot over your shoulder as if he’s rewatching the moments on film. “You got me those shoes I’d been absolutely enamored with.”

His old ones had been falling apart entirely, soles curling away from the fabric like orange peels in the sun. Barely even looking away from the bottle at that point, there was virtually no chance that Taehyung’s father would give him enough money to buy him new ones at the thrift store, let alone the high-end sneakers you’d always catch him subtly staring at every time the two of you wandered around the mall after school.

So of course, you’d done the only logical thing and surprised him with them for his birthday, the look of complete elation on his face making your heart leap in ways you didn’t even know it could.

A touch of joy slips into his expression too now as he picks another recollection out of his brain. "Or that time in college when I got stuck in that bathroom across campus with no toilet paper and you left class to break into the men's room and bring me some."

You scrunch your nose at that, saying, "We swore never to talk about that again!"

Taehyung laughs. "I know, but what I'm trying to say is that that's what we do. We take care of each other."

The truth of the statement hits you like a truck as you're suddenly anchoring yourself in Taehyung's eyes again.

It's as though every moment of the last seventeen years comes rushing back to you all at once—every joy, every celebration, every tear, every heartbreak. And at your side in each memory are the same brown eyes you're staring into right now.

A feeling that you're too scared to place stirs in your chest and has you panicking, and you can see that Taehyung isn't unaffected by the moment either as his lips part and he studies you with a newfound softness. When he reaches up to brush your hair behind your ear, the feeling in your chest swells and snaps, and you bury your face in his chest, tears starting afresh, as he wraps his arms around you.

"I'm here," he whispers. "I'm right here."

You press your hands into his back, clinging to him, and hope the pressure conveys what your words can't—what you don't even have a name for yet.

Your sobs subside after a while, but you stay wrapped up in each other. Right before you fall asleep, one final flashback of Jace leaks into your mind—words he had spit at you before leaving this place that night.

I've never been your priority. No one can be. Not when he's around.

It's hard work dragging yourself awake the next morning, your eyelids heavy and begging you to close them for just five more minutes.

But you realize that the side of the bed next to you is not only empty—it's cold. Reaching out to your nightstand, you flip your phone over to check the time. 10:42. The morning is practically gone.

You pull yourself out of bed and shuffle into the living room where you spot a figure standing in the kitchen. Taehyung is busy at the stove, white t-shirt tight across his shoulders as he works, humming to himself, and you stop for a moment to take him in (was he always this broad?).

"Good mood today?" you say. He turns, flashing you a smile over his shoulder.

"Morning, sleepyhead!" He catches himself, realizing he might sound a little too chipper for the occasion and quietly asks, "How are you feeling?"

"Alright," you shrug, and it's the truth. The seemingly endless crying the night before had been exhausting, but it also provided you with something of a catharsis, leaving you feeling almost refreshed today.

"Good," Taehyung says. He nods to the plate on the counter next to him. "I made pancakes."

"The chocolate chip ones?"

He places a hand over his heart and looks at you in mock offense. “Of course. What do you take me for?”

You laugh and wander over to the dining room table where a bright bouquet of lilies now sits in a vase. Pinching one of the delicate, silky petals between your fingers, you ask, "What's this?"

Taehyung glances over his shoulder again, blushing slightly when he sees what you're looking at. "Oh, I um—" He fumbles for his words. "I ran out to get you some groceries and saw the florist next door. Figured they could, you know, brighten things up in here a little."

"You didn't have to do that," you tell him softly, but he brushes you off with a shrug.

"I wanted to."

You reach for the petals again, the bright orange seeming to cast a glow on your skin like a sunset. “You know these look like—“

“The ones you used to collect on our walks growing up?” He chuckles at your stunned silence. “Yeah, I know.”

It still surprises you sometimes—the depth of his thoughtfulness and how well he knows you—and before you can stop yourself, you’re stepping up behind him at the stove. You wind your arms around his middle, pressing your forehead to the space between his shoulder blades and allowing your breath to warm the cotton of his t-shirt. It’s soft—intimate—and you feel Taehyung tighten up under your touch, his entire body going rigid.

“Y/N—“

“You know you mean the world to me, right?”

It’s a near-whisper—you sound like you’re on the brink of tears—and maybe that’s why Taehyung’s hard lines soften at the sound of your voice, turning in your arms so he can reciprocate the embrace and press a cheek to your temple. He doesn’t say a word, just holds you tight as you lean your face into his chest and inhale the comforting scent of pancake batter, laundry detergent, and honey-scented soap.

You think you could stay here forever.

Last night’s mood seems to linger in the air like little beams of light that warm your skin in the best way. You recall falling asleep in these same arms, this same scent wrapped around you—how it was easily the best sleep you’ve had in weeks.

It's different, this space between you now. Has been since the night in the bathroom. You and Taehyung may have gone through a metric fuck ton of pain over the course of your lives, but there's no denying that this breakup is pushing your friendship into a new form, molding it into a new shape.

You're too nervous to dwell on it, but damn, if you aren't going to take advantage of how good it feels to cling to him right now. You want to wrap yourself around him like a koala—draw your legs around his waist and bury your nose into the hollow space at his collarbone.

What a great way to scare him off too, your brain says, even as your heart argues, He's stuck with you through worse.

You're tempted—seriously considering dragging him over to the couch so you can snuggle him properly—when the fire alarm goes off, the pancake on the stove burnt and blackened.

Taehyung releases you in a flash, spinning to shut off the burner and pull the pan off the stove as you rush to the hallway closet for a broom. You swing it underneath the alarm until the smoke clears, and the device stops its blaring shrieks. As silence filters back in, Taehyung tips the burnt pancake into the trash, the previous moment ruined.

"That'd be our luck to burn this place down your first day back," he jokes.

You tip your head up, already thinking this may have been a bad idea and wishing you were back at the guys' place. "Maybe not the worst thing in the world."

He approaches you slowly but deliberately, raising a long finger to press at your chin until you've lowered your gaze enough to look him in the eyes. Taking your hands in his—gently, so gently—he says, "We're going to breathe life back into this place. I'll be here every day if you want me to be."

"You d—"

"I will. Or Maya or Jimin or Kook." He moves his head so you're forced to look at him even as you try to look away, confronted with the raw sincerity in his eyes. "We'll drown out the bad memories with new good ones."

His voice is CPR, pressing warmth into your chest, and just like that, the suffocating walls around you open up a bit. You can see it, the two of you sitting on the couch watching TV—or maybe you watching him play one of his games—your other friends occasionally dipping in and out as they please.

More orange lilies on the table.

You pull your hands from his and drift to the kitchen counter, picking up the glinting silver key sitting on its surface. Turning back to Taehyung, you press it into his palm, and he stares at you, eyes wide with wonder.

"You're sure?"

You nod, and he curls his fingers around the key like it's something delicate—handling it with the same care you once saw him give a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest in the park when you were thirteen.

"Every day," he promises, pinky wrapping around yours and squeezing. "Just say the word."

NEXT

a/n: likes, reblogs, and feedback are always appreciated! <3

taglist is open!

[my-wee-hughie]

Annie spent the entire season going through an identity crisis.

She wanted to help people as Annie January, not Starlight.

People got hurt because they followed her.

An incredibly private decision between her and Hughie was broadcast to the city.

People were accusing her of being a murderer for having an abortion.

She lost her reputation, the Starlight House and eventually her powers.

She was feeling incredibly depressed.

She watched her boyfriend go through traumatic experiences. His father and the Tek Cave. She was there for him.

She was abducted and held for 10 days, with her replacement gloating to her about having sex and getting engaged to Hughie.

She had been surviving on junk food and water for 10 days, she was weak and tired but still found the strength to escape.

She killed The Shifter and afterwards, she was furious at Hughie for having sex with her and then proposing.

She refused to listen to his side of the story.

She made a joke about him potentially contracting STD's.

Now, let's look at what Hughie went through in the same amount of time:

His dad had a stroke, and he was feeling incredible guilty about not answering his phone call.

His mum returned out of the blue after 25+ years and just expected Hughie to accept her back into his life.

He nearly died trying to get Compound V for his dad, just so he had a chance to tell him how much he loved him.

He watched his dad kill innocent people as a result of the Compound V and had to mercy kill him.

On the same day as his dad's funeral and his mum leaving, he was put in a terrible situation in the Tek Cave, where he had to play along with Ashley and Tek Knight or be found out. He was desperately trying to find the safe word to get the torment to stop. He failed.

He was discovered by Tek Knight, and after being threatened with rape, he ended up bound and gagged and very nearly cut open by his self-admitted childhood hero.

He had an emotional breakdown in front of Annie as everything he's been through finally sunk in.

He was deceived into having sex with the Shapeshifter multiple times, with her initiating the sex almost all the time.

He proposed to The Shifter, fully believing it was Annie.

He found out Annie was replaced by the Shapeshifter and had flashbacks of everything he's done with her.

Shifter Annie taunted him with the "peg the patriarchy" line, and Hughie had a realistically panicked reaction when he realised what he let her do to him.

After The Shifter died, he went to check on Annie to see how she was after everything. He obviously felt slightly guilty with the way he approached her.

He tried to defend himself about how he thought he was with Annie, but it fell on deaf ears.

TL;DR

Annie had a shit season, she was depressed and lost her reputation and her powers because of a mental block, likely linked to her identity crisis. She was then kidnapped and held for 10 days when no one knew.

Hughie had a shit season, he was feeling immense guilt over his dad and ended up euthanising him, he got sexually assaulted by Ashley and Tek Knight, he got raped multiple times by The Shifter.

Both characters had a terrible time, but the writers decided to treat what Hughie went through with The Shifter as a joke. With MM giving him THAT look when he knew Annie was going to shout at him, to Annie making a joke about him getting tested before they had sex.

[concreteburialplot]

VIRALITY // 09

-> 09 - Lavender Haze

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!oc (vallie)

masterlist/intro: here | crossposted: ao3

word count: 7.1k

warnings: mention of alcohol/dependency, weed, arguing, angry/jealous/dom ruffilo, business talk, oral (f receiving), p n v (unprotected), dirty talk, cream pie, fingering, d/s dynamics if you squint, almost getting caught, kinda messy ?, mention of std testing/birth control, fluff ?????????¿ cuddling, important plot stuff, 18+ ONLY MDNI

a/n: don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

VALLIE

When we get to their house, I’m grateful for the empty driveway, which means no Jolly and no Folio. Nobody else to know about this.

I round Nicholas’ car to open the passenger door for Noah.

“Hey, hey.” I pat his cheek to wake him up.

The singer looks up at me with glazed over, sleepy eyes. His drinks finally caught up to him, especially the last ones before we left which he claimed, “helped with the pain”.

The whole bar fight was quite sobering for me, but a small bit of alcohol is still running through me, and that tiny bit is not helping me with this 6’3 drunken baby. His slim face is so beat up and while my patience is waning, I still feel guilty. While he’s paper thin, when I pull on his skinny arm, he feels so heavy.

“C’mon Sebastian let’s go.” Nicholas finally makes his way around, snapping at Noah to get up. I’m glad Nick is here but he wasn’t much fun on the way home either. He kind of reminded me of a father having to pick up his drunken teenager. It makes me wonder how many times he’s done this song and dance with Noah.

Nicholas dips into the car and pulls the long-haired boy out easily. He comes to just a bit, enough to notice who’s holding him and seems to relax. I notice how sleepy Noah leans into Nick and nudges his head into the crook of his neck. I can tell Nicholas isn’t happy with the situation but even still, he wraps an arm tight around Noah’s waist. The scene is so delicate considering the circumstances of how we got here.

Nick gestures to me to sling his right arm around my shoulders to help carry a mumbling and incoherent Noah inside. We hobble him through the front door of the empty house and by a miracle we got him upstairs to his room in one piece.

The actions of babying a drunk Noah and throwing him into bed felt all too much like déjà vu. His room was the same, if not worse, than from that night of the party. There are so many clothes and so much trash on the ground that I can barely see the floor. Nicholas and I basically used our feet to push a path through to his bed. There was only a tiny sliver of mattress even visible, the rest was piled up with just… garbage. At least, it looks like garbage. We plop him on the bit of mattress just like last time and try to navigate our way out. Just as we reach the door, there’s a stir behind us followed by a sleepy groan.

“Nicky?” Noah’s voice cracks.

Nicky

Nicky?

Nicholas tenses up immediately, I can’t tell if it’s because he doesn’t like the name or if he doesn’t like me hearing it.

“Nicky.” He whines again, calling him over.

Nick sighs and looks at me gesturing me to go on without him. I make my way to the door and watch from behind the doorframe while he makes his way back over to the boy.

When Nicholas reaches the bed, Noah’s tattooed arms swing around his waist, pressing the side of his face into Nick’s tummy while he’s still laying down. I squint my eyes to see what Nicholas is doing to find that he’s brushing Noah’s hair out of his face.

“Thank you.” Noah mumbles against his shirt.

“I know.” Nick replies softly.

I step out of the doorway before Nicholas turns to leave to make it seem like I hadn’t just witnessed that.

Once I’m alone with Nicholas, I sense that he’s fuming which is a much different vibe that the one that was just stroking Noah’s hair.

“Why the fuck would you take him out drinking in the middle of the day?” He asks through grinding teeth. The way he poses the question implies that it was my idea, like it was my fault. Which I guess it half was.

“I don’t know? He made me go to this meeting with Bryan and-”

“He took you to meet Bryan?” He interrupts.

“Yeah? To brainstorm for the music video?” I answer as if it was obvious.

“Music video?” He sucks at his teeth, taking an aggravated step back. “Funny how this is the first time I’m hearing about a fucking music video.” He drags his fingers across his forehead in a pinch. “I need a drink, or a blunt or… something.” He sighs then turns away from me heading towards his room down the hall.

I decide to follow him, “Why is a music video bad?” I ask, confused.

He glares at me from his open bedroom door, “If you’re gonna pry you might as well help me with this blunt.”

I tug at my bottom lip in thought. I shouldn’t stay here with him, and I definitely shouldn’t be smoking with him while still a bit tipsy, but curiosity gets the best of me. “Fine.”

His room is dark and lit with LED, neon, and decorative lights on almost every surface. Opposed to Noah’s, his room is neat, tidy, and spotless. His bed is pressed against the wall and perfectly made with grey sheets, a black duvet and coordinating pillows. I set my bag down on the ground in front of his bedside table and sit on the end of the bed right behind his desk chair. He has a similar gaming set up to Noah’s, two monitors, a long light-up mousepad, and some other neon lights. There’s even some plushies in the corner of his desk that I recognize to be some animals from video games. He sits on his gaming chair which is black and blue opposed to Noah’s black and red. Reaching across the desk, he grabs a jar, a lighter and part of a wrapping leaf.

“I thought you said you can’t roll?” I ask as he starts filling the brown wrapper with ground weed.

It isn’t until the smell of green hits my nose that I realize there’s also a sweet smell filling the room, something like butterscotch. I track the smell to find a burning candle sitting on a bookshelf across the small room.

“I can’t. But Folio’s been trying to teach me.” His focus is on evening out the grounds across the leaf. His tongue begins to carefully dampen the edges of the wrap and the sight of it sends a buzzing down between my legs. He was so good with just his cock… I can’t imagine what his tongue would do to me.

I press my thighs together and shift in my seat then clear my throat, “So, what’s so bad about Noah wanting to make a music video?”

He sighs harshly, “It’s not about the music video, it’s about him making decisions without us.” His tongue does one last swipe before sealing the roll completely. “And because of,” Gesturing towards Noah’s room with the blunt between his fingers, “That.”

I furrow my brows, “Because of what?”

The lighter sizzles the end of the roll and burns a cherry red when he inhales. “The drinking.”

The words flash me back when I overheard them in the kitchen when Nicholas asked him about meetings. Guilt swells in my chest knowing I contributed to it today. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault he’s a fucking drunk.” He exhales thick smoke above us. “He gets like this then does a bunch of shit without talking to us first. That’s how Just Pretend got released as a single before we even have an album finished.”

He’s getting riled up but seems to stop himself from continuing, choosing to take another hit, maybe in the hopes of it calming him down.

I take the blunt from his offering hand and put it to my glossy lips, leaving a rim of light pink when I pull away to exhale. “He really did that?”

“Vallie, our album is barely halfway done. We haven’t even chosen a title yet.” He says watching me inhale again. “That is who you wanna put the focus of the band on, that is who you wanna draw people in with: a drunken fucking mess.” He hisses and snatches the roll the second I offer it back. His tone and actions are getting increasingly more aggressive, in a way I’ve never seen him before – not that I’ve really known him for that long, but it makes me nervous either way.

“I mean… he is the lead singer.” I counter, even though I know he’s not going to like it.

Nicholas’ thick brow hangs low over his eye, “He’s a liability. Since you’re so concerned with money and numbers, that should be very clear to you.”

He’s right.

If Noah can get as unhinged and unpredictable as he’s saying and as I saw today, he is a liability.

I’m a fool for not realizing it sooner, but maybe the glimmer of hope from his small cooperation blinded me.

Regardless, Noah’s reckless behavior is something to think about… when I’m not cross faded with the band member I already fucked.

“It doesn’t really matter if he’s a drunk, Nicholas.” I steal the blunt back and perch it between my index and middle fingers. “If we do this correctly the girls will be flocking to him.” I take in a short puff and let it out. “And to you, to the band as a whole.”

He rolls his eyes so hard I think they might fall out. “Oh, cut the business jargon Vallie. We get it, everyone wants to fuck Noah fucking Sebastian.” He shoots up from his seat in aggravation.

So much for the weed calming him down.

My brows knit together confused at the inherent jealousy. If I was more foolish, I’d think this jealousy was over just me, but it seems much more complex than that. It’s murky and conflicted and I feel a piece or two missing in the puzzle.

It’s not uncommon for band members to be jealous of their frontman and to an extent, I feel this is true for them as well. But there’s still something more than that.

Something more complicated.

More confusing.

Could it be…

No, of course not. Right?

Perhaps it’s not just me he’s jealous over.

I shake the thoughts from my head, today is not the day to unpack any of that. Maybe it’s the weed that’s making me overanalyze things.

The smoke over filling my nose reminds me that I’m in possession of the still lit blunt, so I take it and smash its sizzling end into the ashtray.

“This isn’t about whether or not people want to fuck Noah, this is about the success of the band Nick.” I stand to meet his face, so he’ll actually listen to me. Well, look up at his face anyway.

Never in my entire career have I ever had to convince anyone this much to make more money.

“The band is already successful.” He snaps back, his eyes stone cold grey looking down at me.

I’m not about to insult his band again so I shift the topic, “As I said before, fangirls don’t mean just for Noah. Sure, he’ll get the most, that’s natural. But they’ll be there for you too. Don’t you want that?”

“No.” He says shortly.

“You don’t want your own group of girls that you get to pick and choose from at every show?” I say, leaning heavy on the clichés of it all. “Girls that are begging to be backstage and are willing to give you anything you want?”

But it’s not until then, as it’s coming out of my mouth, that I realize the idea of it settles a weird pit in my own stomach. It’s something also reminiscent of jealousy but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Odd.

“No, I don’t want fucking fangirls Vallie.” He says through gritted teeth.

“What kind of fucking rockstar doesn’t want fangirls?” I can tell he’s being purposely difficult and it’s making me begin to lose my composure.

“Oh my god, are you really this fucking dense? This isn’t about fucking groupies.” He nearly spits the word.

I’m trying to put puzzle pieces together in my head but they’re not fitting. I don’t understand his anger, where it’s coming from or the reason.

“Then what the fuck is this about then? Because I called him hot at our meeting the other day? Because we went out drinking today?”

Bingo.

His eyes narrow down at me and I’m suddenly extremely aware of his height. He’s not as tall as Noah, but he still towers over me. “I just think it’s funny that you’re trying to make a sex symbol out of a man who couldn’t make you cum if he tried.” He hisses, his steel eyes warn me not to push.

But I do, I always push.

“Oh yeah? What makes you so sure?”

He gives a breathy chuckle and brings his hand to hold my chin up by the tips of his fingers. “If he wasn’t a passed out drunken mess right now, I’d drag him in here to prove me right.”

My eyes widen not just at his words but at his deep voice that shifted into something sinister. He has to be joking right? He wouldn’t actually bring Noah in here to do…that, would he? And why is the thought of it… of both of them causing a throbbing between my legs.

Regardless, fear creeps up my chest one rib at a time and gets lodged in my throat. My mind can’t comprehend how Nicholas can go from his normal sweetness to something that scares the shit out of me.

“Why do you care if he couldn’t make me cum?” I ask for some stupid reason. “And you only made me come once, how do I know it wasn’t just some miracle? I was drunk after all.” I pop a brow and cross my arms over my chest.

I never was one for cooperation.

His hand seamlessly slides down from my chin to around my throat. There’s no pressure beneath his fingertips but they’re taunting a good squeeze.

“If you don’t keep your mouth shut, I’ll have to prove you wrong.” I swallow hard under his grip and squeeze my thighs together. I shouldn’t be this turned on by him talking to me like this. “Did it feel like a miracle? Did it feel like I don’t know how to make you feel good?”

My eyes glance at the barely cracked open door nervous that someone would see, and he catches me. “Noah is passed out. Nobody else is home, nobody to help you out of this.” He growls and presses a tad on the sides of my neck. My eyes widen at him, at how easily he can control me from just one hand on my body. The rest of my body is begging to bow to him. “Answer the question.”

I gulp slightly and question my options. I could take the safe route, the route I should be taking, and tell him what he wants to hear so I can leave. However, that’s not what the pooling in my panties is telling me to do. I readjust under his grasp with still crossed arms and a straightened back. “I’ve had plenty of guys who’ve only been able to make me cum maybe once. You’re probably the same.”

I didn’t think his brows could lower any further and his eyes turn a dark stormy gray. Long, messy strands of black hair shadow across his face menacingly and there’s a tinge of true terror in my stomach. In one fell swoop, he slams me onto the bed with his hand still stapled around my neck. He nestles his head by my ear while his hand trails down my body, “I know you’re used to talking to the others like that, but you’ll learn not to talk to me that way.” He whispers lowly and the grip on my throat tightens ever so slightly. His hand lingers around the waistband of my skirt and somehow already found the hidden zipper. He roughly tugs it down past my ankles and forcefully spreads my thighs open with his leg. His hand moves up from my throat to grip my jaw hard and looks straight into my eyes, “I can fuck you better than that pathetic mess ever could.”

I’m melting under his touch; he looks nearly angelic despite his devilish demeanor. His raven hair is long, wild, and framing his face perfectly. His necklace with the thorny circular band symbol hangs just above my face and it takes every ounce of self-control not to pull it into my mouth. I want all of him, every part.

 Though everything right now is really intense, all I want to do is kiss him. So, I do just that. Quickly, before he has a chance to stop me, I gently take his face into my hands and meet his lips with mine. He gives in immediately and matches my energy making the kiss soft and tender even though he’s about to tear me apart. I really enjoy this about him, this duality he contains, and I can’t tell which side of it I like more.

It doesn’t take long for the kiss to escalate and for our tongues to be fighting for dominance, but his hand never leaves my jaw. He draws a finger up my drenched covered slit then circles around my swollen nub. A small whimper escapes me into the kiss and a smirk tugs across his face. “I’ve barely touched you and you’re already making a mess.”

I squeeze my eyes shut trying my best not to fall apart in his hands already. My hands are burning for him and all I want to do is touch him. I feebly go to palm the visible strain in his sweatpants, but his hand leaves my throat and snatches my wrist, pinning it to the bed. “You’ll touch me when I want you to touch me.” He growls. My eyes widen at his words and renders me speechless. “Is that understood?” He demands and I nod quickly.

His hands rake down my body until he’s on his knees between my legs, his fingers hook into the band of my panties and rip them down. Fingertips ghost-trail up my inner thigh which only worsens the pulsing in my clit begging for him. He then gently runs two fingers up my folds using my arousal to easily glide up and down slowly, from my bud to my entrance. I’ve never had any other man take his time like this, it’s almost like he’s taking the time to learn my body and how I react to anything he does. Like a predator learns its prey. His fingers spread me apart, causing every muscle in my body to tense up from being so exposed to him.

“So pretty.” He mutters. The sides of his fingertips begin to slowly scissoring around my clit and I unintentionally let out a small whine. I feel him smirk into a kiss he presses onto my inner thigh. “Maybe making you cum will fix your little attitude problem.”

The comment pisses me off, but it’s not enough to risk not getting his mouth on me, so I let it slide. I’m nearly vibrating under any touch he gives me and I’m so desperate for more.

He leaves a trail of kisses up my thigh until he reaches my core, each kiss reminds me how much my lips miss his. Time is moving too slow for my growing impatience. The second his tongue meets where I need him most, pleasure blooms across my body. He then slides two fingers inside, curling them directly into my sweet spot. I bite down on my bottom lip to contain my noises. In delicious unison, his tongue and fingers work together perfectly. His tongue is circling and rolling against my sensitivity and making me feel a knot in my stomach begin to grow already. There’s so much pleasure and tension built up in my body that all it wants to do is let it out in noises. I bring a hand to cover my mouth to stifle any moans that threaten to escape.

He rolls his tongue flat against me and pulls away just a bit. “Nobody’s home and Noah’s passed out.” He reminds me. “You can be as loud as you want for me.” He says before going to lightly kitten lick at my clit. “I wanna hear how I good I make you feel.” I look down to see him giving me a prideful smirk that makes me want to ravage him back.

That’s all the invitation I need to let my moans pour out with every roll of his tongue or curve of his fingers. My hand flies down to grip his hair, raking it through and gripping the root. “Fuck!”

“C’mon baby let it out,” He says against my core. “I know you can be louder than that.”

A loud moan rips out of my chest and my hips roll up into his mouth, “Fuck Nick!”

I’m so close already it’s embarrassing. Goosebumps erupt all over my skin and I’m tingly all over, down to my toes. My body is overwhelmed with his tongue rolling and swiping at my sensitive clit and his fingers knowing exactly where my g-spot is. I’m so needy and so desperate, I feel like I could just explode.

I grip on tight to his locks and rut my pussy into his mouth. He is the only thing in my head. In this moment, my mind belongs wholly to him. He lets me know that he loves the way I’m reacting to him by using his free hand to grip onto my thigh tug me closer. The louder I get the harder he works and the harder his fingers dig into my thigh.

The tight knot in my stomach feels like it’s about to snap. “Fuck, Fuck!” I cry, my legs involuntarily closing in around his head.

“Give in to me baby, cum for me, will you?” He says between licks. “Be a good girl and cum for me.”

I’m nearly blinded by his words. I’ve never been called anything like that before nor have I ever thought I’d like it. But that was it, that tipped me over the edge.

My back arched violently from the bed and my fingers curled tightly into his hair. Euphoria washes over my entire body and I’m seeing only fuzzy white. I can’t control the noises that leave my mouth but I’m sure if anybody heard them, they’d assume this was an exorcism.

He doesn’t stop until I fall limp under him and twitch at every tiny flick of his tongue. He finishes by cleaning all my juices up with one fat stripe up my slit. He looks up and chuckles at me, “You did such a good job for me.” He presses a kiss on my knee. For some reason his words make me feel warm all over.

He pulls his fingers from me and the emptiness they leave behind makes me crave his cock even more. He brings them to his lips, taking each tattooed finger into his mouth, sucking them clean. He smirks at the taste and at how I’m looking at him like I could devour him whole. The violet glow from the lights around us illuminate his features beautifully. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear there’s starlight draped across his skin, sprinkled above his brow, across his cheek bone and down the perfect slope of his nose. The purple reflects into his silver eyes making them look as though they encapsulate some lavender cosmos. Everything about him is so delicious, it’s hard to focus on just one part of him. He’s gorgeous.

He tethers me back to earth when runs his hands up and down my thighs as if to soothe me. “Are you okay?” The front of his brows tilted up.

“Yeah, yeah.” I nod my head.

“Do you want to continue?” He asks.

I inadvertently smile at the question. “Yeah, I do.”

The ends of his lips curl into a happy grin then leans down to gently cup my cheek and presses a soft kiss to my lips. He feels like ice water on a scorching summer day. I know I’m going to regret this when it’s over, but right now, it feels too good to pass up.

“Hold on let me get a condom.” He goes to reach behind him into his nightstand.

“Oh um, we don’t need one. I’m on birth control.” I say shyly. “If you want to that is, of course.”

He gives me a skeptical look, maybe surprised that I even said anything. “Are you sure?”

I stare at him just for a second contemplating if it’s a smart idea but the insatiable need for him convinces me it’s fine. I nod.

He pats my outer thigh telling me to make room for him. I scooch backwards in the bed as he slides his sweats down, letting his cock spring free. My mouth waters at the sight of it – the first time on the couch I only felt it in the darkness, but now I see it, every ridge and vein. I’m throbbing at the mere idea of him inside me. “Please fuck me.” I ask desperately, looking up at him.

He grips my cheeks and looks directly into my eyes. “It’s cute that you think you can tell me what to do.” He hisses and I’m suddenly once again afraid of what he could do to me.

He teases my entrance with his tip rolling it up and down my slit excruciatingly slow. While he is deliberately taking his time, the lustful glint in his eyes tell me that he’s just as needy as me. Finally, he slides in, stretching me out a bit painfully. I don’t remember him being so thick, but it was probably the alcohol that helped me to adjust to his size.

He lets out a deep groan once he’s bottomed out. “Fuck you’re so tight.”

Heat fills my cheeks at his comment and I’m putty in his hands again. I go to grab his face but quickly pull away remembering his instruction to not touch without permission. He looks at me confused with knitted brows.

“I just um, I just,” My stomach is suddenly filled with butterflies with razor wings, “Could you kiss me again?” I ask with a timid, almost embarrassed voice.

A smile tugs at his lips like it’s the easiest task he’s ever been asked to do. He leans down, cups my cheek in his hand and meets our lips once more. It’s gentle and sweet while he rubs his thumb across my cheekbone tenderly. “You were so good for me.” He says quietly within a small gap between our lips.

The praise makes my heart swell, only making me want to be better for him. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer into the kiss and wrap my legs around his hips pulling him deeper inside me. Slowly he begins rolling his hips into me, his length filling me over and over.

“Fuck.” I breathe out as he speeds up, “Fuck you feel so good.”

His head falls into my neck and begins peppering open mouth kisses into it while he buries himself into me. He kisses on all my sweet spots only increases the buzzing in my clit. His cock is so big that it fills me up completely and then some. He stretches me more than I thought was possible – it stings, but in the best way. I blink the tears from eyes from the pain.

“So good baby, taking fucking all of it.” He grunts as he thrusts into me hard and fast.

I’m so fucked out, my body has basically gone limp below him as he fucks me senseless. I’m on a pink fluffy cloud of building pleasure and my eyesight blurs everything around me. I can’t think about anything other than him. Right now, I am his, wholly, completely, entirely.

I let out a strangled moan as my hands reach around him to his back, digging my nails into it. He hisses at the pain of it.

“What did I tell you about touching?” He asks in a low whisper beneath my ear and fear climbs up my spine.

“I’m sorry.” I squeak.

His thrusts increase when he pulls back. I whine at the loss of contact on my neck. His hands roughly grab each of my wrists and pin them above my head while his length drives into my sweet spot.

His grip tightens around my wrists while the other slithers down my body. His fingers ever so lightly graze my skin and leaves a trail of goosebumps behind. The pads of his fingers find my aching clit and begins kneading slow circles into it. I wriggle beneath him from the sudden stimulation and let out a whimper.

“What did I say about touching?” He repeats and I dare not stay silent again.

“I’m not allowed to touch you.” I struggle to say past the noises threatening to leave me.

In contrast to earlier, his face now is angular and sharp. His thick, dark brows are low and menacing.

“Why can’t I touch you?” I ask meekly, although perhaps not the smartest idea.

He dips his head into the crook of my neck while his hips continue to crash against mine like waves to sand. “Because when you touch me, I can’t be responsible for what I’ll do.” He whispers low and raspy. “It makes me want to fuck you like that pussy is all mine. It makes me want to fuck you until you’re so sore that you can’t stop thinking about my cock, not even for a second.”

My eyes widen flutter closed and roll my hips up into him. His words are driving a rampant pulsing in my clit that he’s so deliciously helping with his fingers.

I blink up at him, “Maybe I want that.”

His face his twisted in concentration and now confusion. “What?”

“Well, I… maybe I want those things. Maybe I want you to take my pussy as yours. Maybe I don’t want to stop thinking about your big fucking cock. “I straighten out my shoulders. “Maybe I want to feel empty without you inside me.”

“Fuck.” He breathes out and speeds up, both in his thrusts but his fingers on my nub.

My body fills with tingling, budding excitement. He rails into me mercilessl, and I love every second, every inch of him – no matter how much it hurts.

His face falls into the crook of my neck and fills my ears with raspy breaths. “Fuck I’m close.”

“Me too.” I breathe out. “Cum inside me, please.”

He lets out a deep groan below my ear. “Fuck.” His thrusts become quick and hasty, but still precise and deliberate. The added speed to his momentum tips me over the edge.

“Fuck!” I yell out as my orgasm crashes into me like tidal wave. I feel the need to anchor myself to something, anything. One arm hooks around his neck, holding on for dear life. My other arm is tangled in the duvet and yanks on it so hard that it rips the sheet off the corner. My eyes roll back in bliss as he drills into me ruthlessly. Moans, curses and his name all tumble from my mouth.

It seems that enough to push him over the edge too. “Fuck. Fuck I’m gonna cum.” He grunts just before he stills for a moment, and I feel his cock twitch and spill his seed deep inside me. He lets out a long groan as he continues to rut into me through his orgasm.

When we come down from our high, Nick pulls from me and lands next to me in bed. He leaves me with an emptiness between my legs that apparently only his cock can satiate. But being filled to the brim with his cum definitely helps with that.

My eyelids are heavy as they slow blink up at the ceiling where the glow of his lights illuminate the edges of the room. Our mutual heavy breathing is the only noise filling up the room.

“You alright?” He asks, looking at me in the dimness.

“Mhm.” I turn my head slowly towards him, he’s glistening in sweat, the baby hairs that frame his face are stuck against his skin. He looks beautiful like this.

I never really thought a man could be beautiful. Handsome? Sure.

Cute? Yeah.

Hot? Of course.

But he supersedes them all. He’s stunning, angelic, nearly ethereal.

Of course, this gorgeous man has to be my client. I shouldn’t even be in his bed right now.

The warmth of his body next to me isn’t doing me any favors. After the whole Noah/bar situation earlier and all of me and Nicholas’ … activities, I’m drained completely. I can’t help but nuzzle into him, laying a bit on his arm.

I half expect him to pull away or make some snappy remark, but he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls his arm out from under me and wraps it around my shoulders.

My first instinct was to run but my exhausted body refuses. I cuddle onto his chest sleepily. My arm stretches across his front.

I am far too tired to be worried about the consequences. Through in my half-awake state I mumble, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“We shouldn’t be doing any of this.” He clarifies while raking though my hair gently. “But I can’t help it, I don’t know. I can’t help what you do to me.”

My cheeks burn hot at the compliment. “Shut up.”

I think about it for a moment longer and it sets an odd, confused, sad pit in my stomach. “No but really we shouldn’t be doing this.”

He’s silent. “I know.”

I gulp staring at the wall.

I don’t even really know what “this” is, but I don’t want to think about it now. And I certainly don’t want to ask. I’m not even sure if it is anything or if it’s anything I want more of.

“If the others find out…”

“I know.” He stops me.

Another factor slips into my mind. “If they find out, they won’t take me seriously.”

I see his face twist in thought, maybe trying to calculate if that’s true. “Yeah, maybe… I guess.”

I don’t have the energy to explain the implications of it all, so I leave it. I sigh and hide my face in his chest.

Suddenly there’s a stir from outside the room that disrupts the calm peace between us.

A door opens from down the hall.

Nicholas’ eyes shoot open, “Fuck it’s Noah.” He whispers urgently. “Get under the covers.” He directs and I listen.

I quickly flip the duvet over the top of both of us and lay as flat as possible beside him. He places an extra pillow on top of me.

There’s a soft knuckle knock at the bedroom door that’s been cracked open this entire time.

“Uh, come in!” Nick calls.

The door creaks open. “Hey.” Croaks a still somewhat drunk Noah.

“Hey dude… what’s up?” Nick asks.

Discreetly, he slips his hand beneath the covers and taps his finger gently against the bed. I take the hint and intertwine the tips of our fingers together. My tummy flips at the way he gives my fingers a little squeeze. It’s a small gesture, but it’s one that says some version of ‘partners in crime’.

“Were you… were you watching porn or something?” He asks, no doubt with a propped brow.

“What?” Nicks voice cracks. “No, no, I’ve just been watching…” He takes note of whatever’s on the TV. “Bob’s Burgers.”

“Oh…” Noah trails off unconvinced. “I just heard loud… noises coming from your room.”

My cheeks flush cherry red in embarrassment that I had been that loud. Nicholas gives my fingers another tiny reassuring squeeze.

“Nope, nope.” Nick shakes his head. “Nope, just Bob’s Burgers.”

“Right…” Noah replies. “Also, um, I just wanted to say thank you for rescuing me… us, from our mess.”

Us.

Our.

Nicholas nods, “Yeah of course, no problem.” He says hurriedly.

There’s an awkward silence between them. I can only assume it’s Noah giving Nick an odd look.

“Okay well… I’ll let you get back to… Bob’s Burgers then I guess.” Noah tapers out.

As the door begins to keep closed Nicholas blurts out, “Drink water!”

Noah pauses at the door, “I will. Thanks.” Before closing it behind him.

Both Nicholas and I are frozen in place until we hear Noah’s door close. I pop my head out from the duvet and the moment our eyes meet we bust out laughing. I press my forehead against my arm flat on the mattress laughing probably the hardest I have in a while.

Nick hits my shoulder playfully. “Shhh!” He whispers between his own giggles. “He’s gonna hear us!”

I swat his arm, “You’re laughing too you asshole!”

My chest hurts from both how hard I’m laughing and how much I’m trying to stop.

“’Were you watching porn?’” I imitate Noah which causes another fit of laughter.

“God.” Nick shakes his head. “That was pretty bad.”

I sigh and drag my hands down my face. “God I’m so fucking embarrassed.” I whine and land my face down into my folded arms.

“Yeah, I guess that’s kinda my fault. I thought he was knocked out.” Nicholas rakes through my hair softly. “I would say I’m sorry… but I’m not. I loved making you sound like that.”

I prop my head on my arm to scowl at him. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended to be compared to a pornstar. Jesus.”

He chuckles and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear then trails his fingertips across my jaw, tilting my chin up. “I’ve never heard a pornstar sound as good as you did with my tongue in your-“

I reach up and cover his mouth before he can finish because I know if he does, I won’t be able to leave without having him again. “Shush!”

He rolls his eyes with a smile tugging at the corner of his lip.

Quiet falls over us before panic courses through me and I perk straight up. Oh my god I’m such a fucking idiot.

Nick wiggles his brows at me, “You good?”

“Jesus I’m so stupid. I was only concerned about the birth control but I didn’t even fucking ask if you’re clean?” I ask, the reality of my horny decisions hit me all at once.

Truthfully, I was selfish, and I wanted to feel him fully. Though it didn’t occur to me until just now that he is a musician after all.

“Yeah?” He answers without hesitation. “Are you?”

“Yes. Of course.” I reply like it’s obvious. “But are you sure? Because I know, like, being in a band and everything…”

“Yeah, I got tested recently. I’m clean.” He leans over and pulls out a folded paper from somewhere in his bedside table, and hands it to me. “Here. Proof.”

I unfold the paper to reveal exactly what he said, negative test results. But then I notice the date. “Recently? This is over a year old?” I flip the page towards him.

“Yeah,” He clears his throat. “I haven’t slept with anyone since then.”

I scoff, “You? Haven’t slept with anyone in over a year?”

“Except you? No.” He shakes his head.

I squint at him skeptically and cautiously hand he paper back to him. “I find that hard to believe. I mean you’re…well you.”

“I’m not quite sure what that’s supposed to mean but,” He sighs and sits up a bit, “My ex and I broke up just before that.”

“Got it.” I nod. I wonder if that’s the ex Noah mentioned in the kitchen weeks ago, Alice. But I’m certainly not going to ask and then have to explain how I know that.

I lay back down and reclaim my spot from earlier, cuddling into him with my head on his chest — even though I definitely should be trying to escape before the rest of them get home. It’s been a long while since I’ve had someone to cuddle like this, it’s nice and warm. I probably shouldn’t feel safe with someone I barely know, but I do, and I can already feel it starting to lull me to sleep. Sleep is not something that comes easy to me, most nights I only get about 4 hours of it.

His fingers begin to play with my hair and my heart swells. I can’t help but nuzzle into him further, he makes a small comfortable noise. The pads of his fingers start to massage my scalp.

I’m not sure if he just assumed I fell asleep, but a quiet hummed melody comes from his chest. It’s familiar and comforting but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I know this song

What is it

Without lifting my head, “Is that twinkle twinkle little star?”

He chuckles, sounding a bit embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was cute.” I dig my teeth into my bottom lip to hold back a smile even though he can’t see me. “I liked it. Keep going?”

He’s quiet.

“Do you ever sing? I don’t hear a lot of other vocals on your tracks besides backups.”

He laughs, “No, no. I can’t sing. Not really anyway. The only thing I think I’m half decent is twinkle twinkle little star, that’s why I hum it. I don’t really know why. Maybe I sang it a lot as kid or something? But I hum it sometimes if I’m stressed or nervous.”

I stay silent for a bit. “Are you nervous right now?”

Quiet.

“Yeah, I guess a bit. But mostly I thought it’d help you sleep.” His finger tucks a hit of hair behind my ear.

“Why are you nervous?”

“I don’t know.”

But I know.

“Me too.” I reply quietly.

He seems to understand as I do.

I hear his heart rate pick up under my head. My own heartbeat matches his and suddenly I feel like I’m in high school hanging out with a crush for the first time. I’m so grateful that I’m not facing him because my face is burning hot.

“Can you sing it to me?” I ask.

He chuckles anxiously, “No, no, no. My voice isn’t that good, and the song is so lame.”

“C’mon,” I search for his hand and hesitantly intertwine our fingers. “Please I wanna hear it?”

He lets out a small, flustered groan, “Fine. But you can’t make fun of me. And this doesn’t,” He gives my fingers a tight squeeze. “This does not leave this room. Ever. Got it?”

I giggle. “Got it.”

He timidly begins singing and his voice is light, soft, and smooth. Which isn’t really what I expected from his deep, grainy voice. It’s beautiful and soothing, nonetheless.

Between his voice and his fingers massaging my head, I don’t last long enough to even hear the second verse.

Next Chapter -> 10 - Maybe Both, Maybe Neither

tag list; @ladyveronikawrites @kingdomof-omens @persuasivus @strawberryruffilo @thebadchic @the-hell-i-overcame @sinkingteethinwhitenoise @cncohshit [comment if you'd like to be tagged?]

A/N: The love for this story has honestly been so overwhelming (in a good way obv) and I couldn't be more grateful. I really thought this would flop lol so, thank you so much for every like, reblog, ask, or comment. It means the world to me truly. Thank you.

i love hearing your thoughts so feel free to share! (i'm really bad at responding to comments/asks but i still love them 😅 i'm so sorry)

ALSO! Thank you so much for the love on my new series, Intertwined 💗 New chapter coming soon! 💗

[rangercorpstherapy]

ok weird question, but like, virginity in these books?? it's the medieval period so it was customary and expected (and scandalous if you don't) to save yourself till marriage but like, Commandant Crowley Meratyn gives off major 'guy who fucks' energy so I supposed that it's just irrelevant??

also Halt and Pauline had sexual tension for 15 fuckin years, and Will and Alyss dated for 7 years, and Gilan and Jenny dated for-- my god they're STILL dating.

someone explain

the view on virginity and sexuality differs between the Early Middle Ages and Late Middle Ages, it also depends on if the subject is nobility or not.

At the start of the Middle Ages, there wasn't as much sexual freedom as nowadays but there was certainly much less taboo on the topic. People were still connected with their old traditions and ways even though they were introduced to/and or practising Christianity. There wasn't as much of a pearl-clutching 'oh no an ankle' sex fear in the Middle Ages as people think. Yes, clergy swore oaths of celibacy and nobility were expected to stay chaste (although this expectation rested more on women than on men). For noble families, it was important to be absolutely sure that that was your baby because you couldn't just do a DNA test. Kinda important if you want to keep the family in power and make sure the bloodline continues undisputed.

Back to the pearl-clutching, it was not sex people were afraid of. There was no taboo on nudity (partly because one didn't have much privacy back then) and sex was even a source of public entertainment, for example in plays or on fairs. It was more pregnancy that was the issue. Bastards weren't treated very well along with their mothers (many choosing to leave their children in orphanages), noble bastards were dealt better cards, they could inherit and would often be seen as valuable enough that they could be used in marriage pacts. This period of vague sex is ok just be careful came to a very abrupt end because of reformations in the Church. Remember what I said about clergy having to be celibate...yeah let's just say they were not doing that. To the point of having 'wives' and kids, not even sneakily, they lived with them in a house, like a family. This was an issue from average priest to bishop. One of the many reforms was meant to make sure that calibates were calibating and put stricter measurements in place. Nuns were forced to live more secluded (before they took a very active role in the life around the convent), and convents became closed off for outsiders. Through efforts from the Pope, sex became demonized and women were presented as evil seductresses and the root of all evil evil desire. I don't think it was the same reforms but around the same time all bastards were stripped of any claim to inheritance and even if fathers claimed them they could not be legitimized. Making having bastards/being one even more taboo.

But even with all that were the Middle Ages not the most anti sex period in western history. The idea of "having sex before marriage is the end of the world and God will strike you down and dance upon your remains we are scared to hold hands with the opposite sex" came during the 16th century with the rise of STDS and would continue well into the Victorian era.

Back to the question.

It's hard to say when RA takes place, having some more modern technology but still having many characteristics of the High Middle Ages (lack of agricultural reforms, strong feudal system and a lack of cities). I am guessing that when RA took place it was around the same time the reforms were spreading (give or take a few decades maybe).

So to finally answer the question:

Crowley is saving himself for nobody, fucked till his heart gave out that's why he died with a smile on his face. Front-row seats to those sex plays at fairs. Always complaining about the good ol' days when you could get laid without some guy in robes and a hat having an opinion about it. Also, he's gay so it's not like he has to worry about populating Araluen with many handsome redhead babies (although he is a bit disappointed he can't be of service in that aspect of course).

Alyss and Will (all the ward kids for that matter) are sooo bastards to me. Bullied by the other kids you say??? Needing special protection or else they would have no one in the world you say??? People knowing they fornicated in the vineyard would not make their reps worse. Those bitches did NOT care, they fucked around day and night and would just get shotgun married if it was necessary. What is anyone going to do? How dare you and your scary wizard boyfriend part of an elite scary people group whom we are all collectively deeply afraid of have sex!

Halt was heir to the throne and probably had some speeches about how not to waste his royal seed on just anyone, to be careful and was so culture-shocked meeting Crowley and Pauline that he needed 15 years to recover.

[radioactivewisdom]

I have the feeling that anon who's talking about womanhood being sex and masculinity and feminity being dualistic and compatible is really deep in the whole "divine masculine/femenine" type of new age thinking and she (he?) got her feelings hurt when faced with the possibility of all that being a lie (though I do get the feeling they might be a troll enjoying the attention lol)

In the case they aren't trolling I really wish anon would think about all the crap she's being fed about women and men being compatible. Is this something that's reflected in reality? Because at the end of the day, all the "men and women are meant to be together and work alongside each other" is simply based in the fact that women have vaginas and men penises and the penis goes inside the vagina so obviously that translates to men and women being each others complement. I wish it was deeper than that but it always goes back to "stick goes in hole" = made for each other.

I'd invite anon to read more about biology, anatomy and even zoology and see for herself if males and females really are made for each other. It has been found that women's vaginas have evolved to make penetration more difficult while men's penises have evolved to make penetration easier. This would suggest that rape has been a part of humanity for so long and so often it ended up changing the way our genitalia is shaped (even going back to early humans, so no patriarchy to blame). Does this sound like the genitalia of two compatible, literally made for each othersexes?

And this extends to other species, specially the ones where males have phalluses. The most extreme case would be the male waterfowls with their messed up phallus in a clockwise coil that helps him inseminate females without their consent. Female waterfowls have evolved as a response vaginal "dead ends" and clockwise coils to protect themselves from forceful intromission.

And all of this is very common in the animal kingdom; sexual coercion also exists in males with no phalluses too, as the reason this happens is simply that males prefer to have a higher number of matings (and mates) to maximize the chance of passing his genes, while females prefer a fewer number of matings since they're the ones getting pregnant and having to take care of the offsping. Thus, there are always more males willing to mate than females. Again, this doesn't scream to me duality in any way, it's pretty unequal and uncompatible and the female gets the worse part.

In fact, even the whole "penis goes in vagina" thing that supposedly is proof of males and females being made to be together already doesn't make sense. Penis-in-vagina (piv) is probably the most unequal sex act of them all. The man gets a guaranteed orgasm while most women don't (for some it isn't even pleasurable at all), and women are at risk of getting pregnant and catching an std or an uti. And yes, men can get std's too but usually their symptoms/consequences are less dire than women's and they're usually the ones spreading (most people that test for std's are women, ask any medical personel that works in this area and they'll tell you that men only get tested when their dicks are almost falling off lol they don't care about what happens to their partners)

I wanted to say more since there's a lot of info out there that shows that men and women are actually not very compatible at all, but this ask is getting too long already. But anon, like I said, I invite you to research these things yourself.

Thank you for this comment. It’s a minefield of information that will be of help to many others. I have the exact same mindset as you. If anything, biology is only more proof of the sexes incompatibility. However, one’s mindset will determine their beliefs, and those obsessed with physicality will see piv as “proof” of men and women’s belonging. Biological urges and buying into cultural messaging makes it seem impossible for some women to escape. Again, super grateful for your detailed message :)