#same age line
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I saw this tweet about burgers and wanted to draw same age line shenanigans (❁´◡`❁) I drew them with shipping in mind but this can also be read as platonic (excluding omake below ^^)
Non-tweet format here ^^
At the dorm:
🐰: Recently, Bae Sejin-hyung keeps muttering how Moondae-hyung and Lee Sejin-hyung are foxes
🐯: It's because of the sandwiches! They keep having picnics with Ahyeon-hyung and making him eat sandwiches, idiot Raebin :3
🐰: You...! Wait, why do you have so many sandwiches?
🐯: A bribe
🐰: ????
🐺: (Ahem) Moondae was kind enough to make some for everyone before they went out, Raebin have some as well
🐹: (staring at his own sandwich)
#dod#debut or die#demotjuk#데못죽#rey's doodles#동갑즈#데뷔 못 하면 죽는 병 걸림#선 아현#박문대#니세진#same age line#TeStar#baese is judging them#but he is also fascinated#lee sejin#park moondae#seon ahyeon#i called it tweet by habit but i dont really know what they call it now...?#TeStar cameo!!
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if u haven't noticed half of these contain a certain red cat
#debut or die#데못죽#demotjuk#dmj#데뷔 못 하면 죽는 병 걸림#debut or die textposts#demotjuk textposts#dmj textposts#park moondae#seon ahyeon#keun sejin#ryu chungwoo#bae sejin#cha eugene#kim raebin#cheongryeo#shin jaehyun#yujraeb#keunmoonah#same age line#chungbae#eotmoon#testar#debut or die textpost#demotjuk textpost
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🐶🐻🦌
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DEBUT OR DIE EPISODE 45 IS OUT!!!
TEAM MOON RABBIT PERFORMANCE THE ART IS SO GOOD SO CHECK IT OUT
No seriously go check it out it looks so good
#debut or die#데못죽#데뷔 못 하면 죽는 병 걸림#park moondae#seon ahyeon#keunse#lee sejin b#keun sejin#dmj#dod#demotjuk#same age line
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you are as beautiful as the day I lost you
#thinking about their reunion has me frothing at the mouth#something something about how lavellan has visibly aged and solas stays looking the same....#what did he say? “people are always dying it's what they do” HOW'S HE GONNA REACT WHEN SHE DIES????? 😭 I AM ON THE FLOORRRRRRRRRR#also! it's lavellan saying this line to dear old solas#emrys lavellan#inquisitor lavellan#female inquisitor#dragon age#dai#dragon age inquisition#dragon age dreadwolf#dragon age the veilguard#da dreadwolf#da4#solavellan#solas#solas dragon age#dragon age fanart#da fanart#digital art#my art#bishiart
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the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh
#lucanis is being SO cringe with that line right out there in public and I would die for him. it's just such a weird thing to say#tbf if anyone in the world is used to the insane things lucanis says and would go 'yes yes lucanis waxing poetic about coffee#in ways normal people reserve for trying to get in someone's pants (the roast won't fuck you lucanis)#we've all heard it' like it's all normal I suppose it would be illario. and also he's too busy with the 'shit fuck shit he's not dead#he's not dead of the family members 'supposed' to be dead we're at two definite failures out of two and woe me if the twain should meet#if that IS a demon in there it sure talks exactly in the same bizarre way only my cousin does#does that mean anything what the fuck do I do who do I kill about this' internal monologue I guess#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#illario dellamorte#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I mean he does very much say that to a non-romancing rook too which only makes it all the more delightfully odd#is it a very lucaniscore way of testing the waters. is it just how he always talks about coffee. many plausible approaches here#no one forced him to bring up kisses and 'you should try it' out of the blue like that is all I'm saying. he could have acted normal#(theoretically)#i feel there are reasons to read some stuff into it lol#lucanis when rye says he prefers tea: it's so over cautious overture I don't quite understand myself yet gently rebuffed#lucanis when rye takes him up on the 'so what should a first kiss be' theme: oh we're so back!!!! wait. what. what do I do now#what is this#it's kind of really sweet that rook answers with their own playfully florid beverage based barely hidden metaphor at the end too#matching freaks and having fun with it#as far as lucanis is concerned rye's only true flaws are 1) prefers tea to coffee (oh well. no one can be perfect. cross-cultural love#can conquer all even in this) and 2) weird taste in interior design (did we really HAVE to bring your 15 foot tall corpse statues#with us home rook. I can understand a tasteful skull here and there but this seems excessive. well if it makes you happy I guess)
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When Solas says
"I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me."
and
"For now, the best gift I can offer is the truth."
it makes me cry SO MUCH because that "for now" really implies he was planning ahead, that he was hoping Lavellan would accept his full identity, and they would stay together.
That "for now" means he already had more gifts in mind, more ways to show her what she meant to him. In that moment, in that glade, under those circumstances, he could only give her the truth she deserved - so words, knowledge, love and respect in the form of a spoken revelation -, but what about later? What was his next gift to her going to be? Something tangible, like a love memento, something precious to wear and show everyone? More knowledge and wisdom to share with her? Memories and scenes from his old life?
Weekes said Solas was ready to tell her the truth, forget about his duty, and lose himself in Lavellan, but chickened out at the last second. So I'm really curious to know what kind of future he envisioned in those blissful last moments before he lost his courage - what other presents and displays of love he was ready to give to her.
#dragon age#da:i#solas#solavellan#also i wonder how he planned that whole conversation#probably repeating his lines over and over again#hoping she would understand and accept him#and then what?#forget about the orb and the veil and apologize for everything?#or hoping she would agree with his goals?#and then bam#he realizes he can't do that to her#“then you would carry the same burden i do”#“i cannot do that to you vhenan”#AAAAAAH THE WAIT...... IT'S KILLING ME
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Vivienne's fear being 'becoming irrelevant' isn't something that's linked explicitly to her pride, no matter what Solas says about her (and the irony of Mr.Pride himself saying that should not be lost on you), it reveals what and who Vivienne truly is.
She's a survivalist.
Because we don't spend as much time in the Free Marches or Orlesian circles, we don't get to experience what being a mage is in these cultures. In Ferelden and Kirkwall, a mage is a lesser being without freedom no matter what they do--but in the Free Marches and Orlais specifically, mages are commodities that are given freedom so long as they play an entertaining enough role. They can explore the world if they have a noble patron, if they catch the right person's eye. They are, in a way, two sides of the same coin--refusing mages agency and forcing them to relay on higher powers. Vivienne lucked out, as sad as it is, when Bastion fell in love with her; she found someone who was contrarian enough to recognize her as a full person and also someone with power that could help her rise through the ranks. This is not to say that Vivienne on her own wasn't an exceedingly talented and intelligent individual--by nineteen she was already the youngest full fledged mage in Circle history and she was skilled enough to make herself an enchanter. But, I can not emphasize this enough, none of that matters if she didn't also play the Game and impress enough people.
Vivienne could have been the most brilliant mage in the history of Thedas and it means nothing if she was overlooked by nobility.
So when Bastion made her his mistress, she gained not just a lover but also a means to an end. Now she can use her magic to protect herself. Now she can roam where she wants and not be question for it because she's Madame Vivienne. Now, she can walk into the Orlasian court and belong there.
And what happens? Celene notices her and makes her the Court Enchanter, a position that has always been the equivalent of a jester. Vivienne took that title, ignored that it was essentially a glorified insult to who she is, and made it a position of power. She made the Court Enchanter into an advisor, a political rank. She had done the impossible and made mages an actual political entity in the Orlasian Court, something that wasn't seen outside of Tervinter (not counting what players can do under very specific conditions if they made mages in DAO and DA2).
All that, however, only continues as long as the court recognizes her as something worth their attention. Vivienne needs to maintain her act as Madame De Fer, The Lady of Iron, the Court Enchanter, The Jewel of the High Court, because the second she just becomes Vivienne, it's over for her. The assassins coming raining in, her name gets devoured by rumors and gossip, and she'll be found dead at bottom of the stair case with a dagger in her back if she's lucky.
So of course when the Circles fall apart during the Rebellion, she clings to that Loyalist Mages to maintain that structure--of course she moves her pieces to the Inquisition, knowing that if the Circle DOES fall, she at least as another place for herself and mages latch onto--of course when she hears that Celene replaced her with a new Court Enchanter that appeared out of no where, she grows to resent Morrigan.
Like, Morrigan literally pops up out of thin air, makes herself invaluable to Celene, and then plants herself in the place Vivienne had to claw her way up to and create so she could survive. Would you not be resentful when your life's work is usurped by some random witch of the wilds because she happened to charm the Empress? Everything Vivienne strived for all whisked away because the court find a gem who glimmers ever so slightly more than Vivienne.
So yes, Vivienne fears becoming irrelevant because the world has made it so that irrelevance for an Orlesian mage means death.
#vivienne making herself into the most beautiful shining gem of the court#making herself razor sharp and blindingly glittering and audacious so everyone HAS to look at her whether she likes it or not#and then when she thinks she can step away and focus on the Inquisition to help her fellow mages here comes Morrigan#who may be just as glittering just as sharp just as beautiful but she does it in a more wild way that the court snaps its head to look at h#and Vivienne fears that she's about to lost everything#and she white knuckles her alliance to the Inquisition like a life line and hope this gamble sees her through#because the alternative is far too horrifying for her to entertain#and do not confuse all of that with Vivienne being selfish because she's NOT Vivienne is not pulling the ladder from other mages#she wants them to have her power but she's aware that if Morrigan pulls HER ladder than it's all over#and really why the fuck are we holding all that against Vivienne when this is how the world made her (a world that is canonically colorist)#so she could live and breath and be seen as equal in some measurement?#I mean if you can sympathize with SOME OTHER MAGES for how they navigate an hostile world I wonder why you can't do the same for Vivienne#unless there's a glaring reason why you wouldn't dare get to know her#writing#vivienne de fer#dragon age#vivienne#dragon age inquisition
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Draco is THE antagonist of the story and I'm lowkey sick of people diminishing his character's importance in the story and to Harry's character development. so I'm writing an essay about how Draco as a character is fucking important especially his antagonistic arc
💅
1. The crumbs:
First of all, and this doesn't get mentioned often, Draco is the first magical kid Harry meets his age.
Not only that, he is our first glimpse at two major upcoming conflicts in the series: Blood Supremacy, and Hogwarts houses.
Draco plays the important role of the narrative foil to Harry. (even wikipedia references them in the "foil" page)
Draco's main function as a character is to showcase Harry's best traits, through being his most worst. Unlike, Snape and Voldemort, Draco is more concerned with creating internal conflicts for Harry than external ones.
He is the character that says mudblood the most, with the frequency decreasing every book. He is the character that plays with/teases/bullies the psychological vulnerabilities of the trio (specifically Ron and Harry). He is one of the few characters that give rational criticism (against Hagrid, calling out the trio dynamic..) that, taken outside the keyframe imposed by the author, can showcase the flaws in Harry's views and his bias. He is also the only character that shows moral self-reflection that isn't motivated by either a reward or "love", which not only serves as character development for Draco but for Harry too who grows to sympathize with Draco, a small breakup from his fixed binary morality.
Draco is also a very active character. His actions and choices affect the plot. The majority of the first book literally happens because of his dumbass. In the second book, he is our first introduction to the word mudblood, he's also the main suspect to the two main mysteries. If Draco wasn't such a bitchass, would buckbeak gave been in said place for Harry to use him to save Sirius?
He is important narratively but what interests me is his importance to Harry's arc.
What separates Draco from other antagonists is that he creates internal conflicts that stem from his personal conflicts with Harry, because of Harry as a person. Not because Harry's the chosen one standing in his way, not because Harry's lily or James's son. Because Harry's Harry. and this exchange is mutual.
Their personal dynamic is set up in their first meeting. Harry, upon hearing two sentences from Draco, reacts negatively because of deeply personal issues (Dudley). I don't think Harry reacts personally to any other characters the way he did with Draco? Considering that Draco wasn't even hostile in his first sentences.
While Draco targets both Harry and Ron, there's a clear difference in how Draco bullies them both but also how Harry and Ron perceive Draco.
Draco is crueler on Ron. And his bullying doesn't feel personal, just apathetic, humiliating and mean. It feels like Draco is more cruel on Ron because Harry chose Ron over him and it shows by Draco coming back every now and then searching for Harry's compartment, trying to egg him, to look for a way that will make Harry regret rejecting Draco.
About Harry & Ron perception about Draco, it's showcased in the second book by the two main major events Draco was suspected in
1. Opening CoS. It was Ron who suspected Draco for this, not Harry. Ron suspects Draco for an action that affects everyone in the school.
2. Sending Dobby. Harry suspects that it was Draco that sent Dobby to prevent Harry from coming to school. Harry suspects Draco of an action that targets him specifically, and his reason of suspect? "because Malfoy hates me". It's personal.
Another instance of Harry making every issue personal with Draco: In the fifth book, after the sorting hat's song about houses unity
'And it wants all the houses to be friends?' said Harry, looking over at the Slytherin table,where Draco Malfoy was holding court. 'Fat chance. '
I'm also pretty sure the reason why Harry chooses not to be in Slytherin was 50% because Draco got sorted into Slytherin. the other 50% being Hagrid telling him that Slythering are eviiil. Btw a conversation that wouldn't have happened if Draco hadn't brought up houses in their first meeting.
Like I said, most of the plot in the first book goes back to Draco.
My main point is that the relationship between Harry and Draco as characters is beyond goals, motives, obstacles, moral causes bla bal bla, and is on the spectrum of "I took that personally".
2. the main plate:
Draco transitioned in the sixth book from an antagonist to a "side character" with a life. His role as character no longer functioned by his connection to Harry.
and this is where a flip of dynamic happened, where Harry became the antagonist to Draco's arc.
He's the one following him. He's the one egging him on (in the first 5 books,it was always Draco starting conversations with Harry, but in the sixth book, it's mostly Harry who started conversations with Draco) He's the one hurting him (Sectumsempra) (even on accident). He's the one trying to create obstacles to Draco's goal.
and why is that? why was Harry so obsessed with Draco?
If it were because of a moral righteousness, then why not focusing on Snape who's probably more suspicious? like who cares about Draco.. yeah he's sus but Dumbledore says it's not important..
This line of thought is more Ron and Hermione because they don't share the kind of deep personal issues towards Draco like Harry does.
so why is harry so obsessed?
"Harry, knowing and loathing Malfoy, was sure the reason could not be innocent."
This line in the sixth book explains it. Harry knows and loathes Draco with more emphasis on *knowing*.
Harry admits that he knows Malfoy, of course the fruit of labor of staring at Draco for five years, but why does he even stare in the first place? Because Harry is curious about Draco.
In comparison with Snape and Voldemort, our other antagonists, Harry doesn't show the same enthusiastic curiosity for them. At least not the same way he does with Draco. Most of what we know about Snape and Voldemort are shown through external ways. Either their memories of memories of other people about them. Their character arcs happen outside Harry's vision, either in the past or in a memory. It's not Harry who seeks those information. They come to him.
Draco, on the hand, most if not all of his character development happens in front of Harry. From his bullshit in the five years to him crying in the bathroom, him lowering his wand, him lying in the Manor. even the visions that Harry sees through Voldemort about Draco torturing Rowle, are happening in the present. Draco's character development is laid bare in front of Harry.
but back to his obsession in the sixth book, it's because Harry knows Draco so well that not only he's right about him being a DE, but "Malfoy being up to something" is not something new to Harry, it's actually a normal thing that kept happening for 5 years of his life. Malfoy was always up to smtg. It's this idea of a normality that fuels like a new purpose in life for Harry after being wrecked by Sirius' death. Not only the mystery tingles his detective neurons, he knows he's right about Draco which only fuels his persistence. Draco being a person he hates also downplays the guilt/shame Harry could feel while stalking him. like I'm sorry but Harry was shameless and embarassing the whole year. The way Hermione and Ron looked at him sometimes so funny, also Hermione distancing herself from Harry when he talked to McG about Draco like "idk this person". Harry was kinda giving pre-HBP Draco vibes lowkey.
This shows that Harry himself is motivated by personal feelings (though negative) as an antagonist to Draco's arc himself.
And the important point here is the flip of dynamics. Draco is not just a mere side character in Harry's life. If anything, the moment he tries to become a side character with his is own arc, Harry is forcing himself in it. Because they're both foils to each other. It doesn't work on just one side.
The dessert:
The dynamic completely evolves again with the end of HBP as Draco gains a moral sense and Harry watching Draco's character development unfolding gains a more nuanced view than his old black/white one.
In DH, Draco and Harry are not antagonists anymore to each other. Draco and Harry are kind of heroes to each other?? as they both try to save each other like two times.
A lot of people downplay Draco's lie in the Manor, comparing it to Dudley's "You're not a waste of space" as "character development" moment.
bruh.
Dudley said that after Harry saved him. Draco literally was the one who took the initiative to lie, expecting no reward, literally had more to lose by lying, he was literally acting against his own interests, his family's life was in danger!!! Harry saved Draco after Draco saved him.
also Draco's character development started with him lowering his wand.
but back to being each other heroes. Our other comparison is Ron who is in both situations where Harry saves Draco but he's the one reacting negatively and complainig about them saving Draco, not Harry. Which is funny because Ron says "we saved you" but in both cases it's Harry who's doing the saving and Ron is just there witnessing, and again I don't think he still realizes what was happening since the sixth year. He thinks his hostile feelings towards Draco are the same ones Harry has. That they're similar. Ron.. Harry literally almost risked your life to save Draco.
It also speaks of character development from Harry that he's not reacting negatively anymore towards Draco. He grew out of it. Like Draco also was starting to grow out of his toxic ideologies.
They're both growing up simultaneously.
And Draco was The first wizard kid Harry talked to (with no precognition or insidious motive)
Draco was the first character who he flew with
Draco was the first character who he dueled with
and so in DH,
Draco was the first character who tried to help Harry with no selfish motive
Draco was the first character that flew with Harry on the same broom (at least I think so?)
Draco was the first and only character whose wand Harry dueled with against Voldemort and won.
I wish I could write more. About Sectumsempra. About wand connection. but I'm tired.
#Draco doesn't need a redemption arc#and Harry is more interesting than people think he is#I wanted to say more but I lost my line of thought#my whole point is Drarry is a coming of age relationship lmao#no really#jokes aside this is for the fics#that try to rewrite Draco a friend to Harry#but then end up making a new antagonist for Harry like either Theo or Pansy#um no fuck u#like why???#Draco cannot be replaced narrative wise#the story exists because of who he is as a character#you cannot just replace him with just nobody#also it wouldn't be with the same “I took that personally” like Drarry have#like it takes a Draco for Harry to forget his morality and start taking it personally#like im just saying though#drarry#draco malfoy#harry potter
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Alas, so long as the music plays, we dance.
(Cole's cryptic comments + The Song)
#dragon age#dai gifs#flemeth#solas#cole#my gifs#you know.. isn't it interesting how DA4 seems to be going for a purple color scheme now?#....and if you mix blue and red you get WHAT?? 👀👀#EXACTLY#coincidence?? I think NOT lmao#if the ''song is sundered''... then what'll happen when everything sings the same again? 👀#then there's that one line from Solas in Haven..#''harmonizing with new magic in an unending symphony'' that's also a very interesting way of phrasing#there's that musical connotation again#but let me tell you..#listening to super eerie soundtracks while making this was certainly an experience 😶#I'm just happy I managed to make a gif set after 84 years....#and it only took me [insert unhealthy amount of hours]#hahaha 💀#at least I still remember how the flycam works lol
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Some drawing practices I did with a new face drawing technique I'm trying out!
#same age line#dod#debut or die#demotjuk#데못죽#데뷔 못 하면 죽는 병 걸림#동갑즈#박문데#이세진#큰새진#선아현#park moondae#lee sejin#keunse#seon ahyeon#rey's doodles
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lol i just remembered in trespasser when varric tricks cassandra into thinking the inquisitor was getting married (which is true for cullen and sera romancers!) and how solas romancing lavellan can answer with “i’d like to get married”
which is SO SAD because god damn it she probably imagined a life with solas after inquisition and then she thinks she won’t ever get married now
only for 8 years later to literally tie the knot in the most emotional ass fucking way possible by literally reciting wedding vows to solas as they embrace their future in the black city together
no im not okay
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#veilguard spoilers#solas#inquisitor lavellan#solavellan#weekes took that one line of dialogue from trespasser and was like yeah sure i can work with this#they r married now ur honor#and their rings are literally her missing arm and his scar on the same hand binding him to the veil#the fastest wedding in thedas
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This might be a half-baked theory, but I wonder how much of the "think of the children!!" ideals that are almost... aimed at women rely on the idea of women as Forever Children.
What I notice is that a lot of these ideas of corruption in youth are feminized in a way that evokes motherhood, but I also notice that many people blur the lines between women or anybody forced into or expected to be women and children so that they are as one.
#politics#feminism#the idea of women being essentially children with the bodies of adult is something that's age-old#but i notice it still as something that's... subtler sometimes#such as the 'think of the children!' for the ~case~ of trans people existing i sometimes notice that people...#...subtly start including women in that 'think of the children!!!!!!!' line and it makes me wonder...#...if people see women and children as functionally the same...#again maybe this is half-baked or i think too much about this but. hm. yknow.#alright i guess... back to doing my crochet project and playing video games instead of studying 👍
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Moondae x Keun/Lee Sejin x Ahyeon headcannons part 3 *HEAVY 230-234 SPOILERS*
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 (you're here)
please don't click read more if you haven't read the daydream arc in chapters 230-234 these are headcannons that are based after that event :(
Even though Moondae woke up, Keunse & Ahyeon has nightmares of 'what ifs' or bad things happening to Moondae.
^After waking up from said nightmares, they go check up on Moondae who is sleeping peacefully.
^Keunse comforting crying Ahyeon before they go check up on Moondae.
They end up sleeping in the same bed together specifically Moondae's bed.
When Keunse and/or Ahyeon wakes up in the middle of the night (possibly from the nightmares) they check Moondae's rising chest to see if he's still breathing.
^Keunse and Ahyeon ends up sleeping on Moondae's chest to feel his chest rising or heartbeat.
Moondae waking up earlier than them and gives them head/forehead/cheek kisses before getting out of bed and making breakfast.
^Sometime's he'll pet/stroke/play with their hair a bit before getting out.
^Specifically Moondae brushing away Ahyeon's or Keunse bangs so he can kiss their foreheads.
While Moondae is cooking in the kitchen, Keunse goes over and hugs him from behind wrapping his arms around Moondae's waist.
They try not to hug Moondae's chest too tight.
^Keunse and Ahyeon doesn't believe that Moondae is 100% back to full health that's why their being careful.
^Them trying to make Moondae rest more and not let him overdo things/cut down his monitoring time so he can sleep more.
#debut or die#dod#dmj#데못죽#park moondae#seon ahyeon#lee sejin b#keunmoonah#keunse#keun sejin#moondaeznuts dmj/dod hcs#same age line#testar#데뷔 못 하면 죽는 병 걸림#동갑즈
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You just know that Alistair absolutely agonized over asking a Warden Cousland about if they've ever lost anyone, only to be hit with the reminder that yes their entire family and pretty much everyone else living within Castle Cousland was effectively massacred.
Alistair - "Have you...had someone close to you die? Not that I mean to pry, I'm just..." Cousland - "My entire family was murdered just recently." Alistair - "Oh, of…of course. How stupid of me to forget. Here I am going on about Duncan and you…I'm so sorry."
If you're any other origin then it's the first time you've brought up something like this - while Alistair is aware from the get go about Cousland's loss. Likely because it's big news - Loghain even comments on it (as he should!) - and because the Warden can press to try and find Fergus as soon as you leave Ostagar. Not to mention that of all your companions Alistair is easily the most emotionally intelligent imo.
This is the kind of shit that would have me lying awake in bed at night - unable to fall asleep, smothering my face with a pillow. No shade to Alistair, he was in the middle of his grief, but I can 100% picture him lying in bed at night one month, five years, a decade later being like...fuck.
#Alistair is really emotionally intelligent so I can imagine this haunting the shit out of him - man knows what up and clocks onto people#Cousland *wakes up* - “Alistair we've talked about this honey.”#Alistair with a pillow over his face - “why did you marry me?"#the ghost of one (understandable) brain cells past#Cullen also does the same thing for that 'mages are not people' line okay - that's way more haunting and deserved#dragon age#dragon age origins#alistair theirin#warden cousland
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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