#sam's greatest sin is letting dean down

[funkytownwinchester]

S08E23 - Sam's believes his greatest sin is all the times he's let Dean down

I can't get over how quickly Dean's face changes. The way he visibly softens his face and lowers his voice - even smiling, just to give Sam reassurance that he truly believes they'll be okay.

[according2thelore]

Thanks Lizzy for the ask!

Here is a Late wincest Weds ask from me!

What is one scene or conversation Sam and Dean had that was especially wincest flavored that you want to rewrite to make it be EXPLICITLY wincest instead of weirdcest?

Muah! Ty again!

- Cassi

hi, cassi!! happy wincest wednesday!

thank YOU so much for the ask!!!

AGH! this one is so hard! my immediate reach for this one is of course the church scene. nothing like gently bandaging wounds/handfasting in a church while proclaiming your love:

DEAN: [...] But I can't do it without you. SAM: You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember? DEAN: Come on, man. That's not what I meant. SAM: No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again. DEAN: Sam -- SAM: [beginning to cry] What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another -- another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just – DEAN: Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you. SAM: How do I stop? [SAM squeezes his hand as blood drips out onto the floor the orange glow is a little brighter but then starts to fade.] DEAN: Just let it go. SAM: I can't. It's in me, Dean. You don't know what this feels like. [DEAN wraps a bandanna around Sam’s cut.] DEAN: Hey, listen, we will figure it out, okay, just like we always do. Come on. [DEAN grabs SAM and pulls him in for a tight hug.] DEAN: Come on. Let it go, okay? Let it go, brother.

i needed sam to make his jealousy over benny more overt, and i would probably rewrite it to make it even more codependent and offputting if that's possible.

my mind also goes to dean's final monologue in s15e20, but...like...that's already borderline textual. it could stand to have just a touch more wincest:

SAM: P-Please. DEAN: I'm fading pretty...I'm fading pretty quick, so... there's a few things that I need you to hear. Come here. (Sam moves closer and Dean puts his hand on the side of Sam's neck) Let me look at you. Yeah, there he is. I'm so proud of you, Sam (Dean's hand is on Sam's shoulder and Sam is holding onto Dean wrist) DEAN: You know that? I've always looked up to you. (Sam is getting emotional, trying not to cry) Man, when we were kids, you were so damn smar... smart. You never...You never took any of dad's crap. I never knew how you did that. And you're stronger than me. You always have been. Hey, did I ever tell you... Did I ever tell you that night that, uh... that I ca... That I came for you when you were at school? You know, when dad hadn't come back from his hunting trip? SAM: Yeah, um.. Uh, the Woman in White. DEAN: The Woman in White. That's right. I must have stood outside your dorm for hours... because I didn't... I didn't know what... What you would say. (Sam is visibly crying) I thought you'd tell me to... to get lost or get dead. And I don't know what I would've done... if I didn't have you. 'Cause I was so scared. I was scared, 'cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It's always been you... and me. SAM (crying): Then don't leave me. Don't leave me. I can't do this alone. DEAN: Yes, you can. SAM: Well, I don't want to. DEAN: Hey. I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna be with you... (Dean is crying as he places his fist over Sam's heart) Right here... every day. Every day you're out there and you're Li... And you're living and you're fighting, 'cause you...You always keep fighting. You hear me? I'll be there every step. I love you so much. My baby brother.

like...c'mon.

i also think i would rewrite dean in croatoan to say "you know what it's about" with his patent sam-smitten-eyes, before he gets cut off:

SAM: Dean, don't do this. Just get the hell out of here. DEAN: No way. SAM: Give me my gun, and leave. DEAN: For the last time, Sam. No. SAM: (slamming the table) This is the dumbest thing you've ever done. DEAN: Oh, I don't know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa? (shudders) SAM: Dean, I'm sick. It's over for me. It doesn't have to be for you. DEAN: No? SAM: No, you can keep going. DEAN: Who says I want to? SAM: What? DEAN crosses to the other wall and pulls a handgun out of his waistband before sitting on the file cabinet. DEAN: I'm tired, Sam. I'm tired of this job, this life . . . this weight on my shoulders, man. I'm tired of it. SAM: So what, so you're just going to give up? You're just gonna lay down and die? Look, Dean, I know this stuff with Dad has — DEAN: You're wrong. It's not about Dad. I mean, part of it is, sure, but . . . SAM: What is it about? [my addition] DEAN: You know what it's about-- (They hear a noise outside.)

small one, and not "romantic," but definitely wincest, i think it would have been lovely if they changed s4e21 from

DEAN: No. I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it. BOBBY: And if he dies? DEAN: Then at least he dies human!

to:

DEAN: Then at least he dies mine!

because i think a lot of the ruby/dean conflict is about control, about who owns sam, and over who has guardianship over sam's decisions. plus, i think it reflects a lot of dean's control issues he has this season.

another small thing that could've been a joke, is during "mystery spot," sam should've tried kissing dean to see if that changed anything. dean could die immediately after, and it could've been played as a gag. i'm actually shocked he didn't try to kiss him. if it works, it works, right?

but i think my final choice has to be not a specific line of dialogue, but a scene. my ultimate choice for tweaking is the final montage in s15.

i'm talking domestic!chesters. i think it's perfect that they end up basically married in the bunker, and i would've loved to see just little hints that it's more than meets the eye. "dean's" room has the other side of the bed perfectly made. sam's jacket hangs on the other chair. dean reaches for someone on the other side of the bed before he realizes they're already up. later, dean rests a casual hand on sam's hip when he passes him in the kitchen.

at the pie festival, someone makes a comment that they're such a cute couple, and sam demurs but dean just winks. sam wipes the whipped cream off of dean's nose and puts his finger in his own mouth. dean kisses him and now they've both got shit on their face.

one of the witnesses flirts with sam and dean makes a weird face. sam steps closer to him and smiles awkwardly.

(and maybe at the very end of dean's death, a kiss he has to gasp his way through because he can barely breathe at this point.)

i just LOVE domestic!chesters. 🥺 and would have loved to see them living their domestic bliss.

thank you so much for this ask, cassi! i am so sorry it's 37 miles long, lol! this was such a fun ask! happy wincest wednesday! <3

-lizzy

[winfreak]

Prompt

Sam catches Dean jerking off to gay incest porn that looks kind of like him

Heck yeah. Here's a short little diddle for now. Maybe I'll expand on it and make a full fic at some point.

---

What confused Sam was that Dean had never really been the shy type when it came to that kind of stuff. At motels he'd flick on the porn channels without blinking, laying back on his bed like he turned on a Hallmark movie.

Never in a million years would he get shy about using Sam's laptop for porn. So, naturally, Sam conducted an investigation.

He handed his laptop over to Dean and pretended he was going to take a shower.

He set the water running and cracked open the bathroom door open just enough to peak out. Sure enough, Dean hand his pants undone, one hand wrapped around his cock and the other holding the computer screen.

The angle Sam had wasn't the greatest, he only really had a side profile of Dean and the screen. He strained his ears for any indication of what exactly Dean was watching.

Dean groaned, tipping his head back. In the movement the laptop turned just enough to the side for Sam to make out what he was watching.

Oh.

Gay porn. That's why Dean had been embarrassed. Sam stifled a laugh, shoving his hand over his mouth. Dean, the man who was known for being a lady-killer, was also into men.

Sam was about to shut the bathroom door, satisfied with what he found, when one of the men on the screen let out a moan.

"B-brother!"

Dean groaned in unison with the other man in the video, hand reaching down to grasp his balls.

Sam's jaw dropped. Dean was watching gay, incest porn? No way.

Sam pushed the door open the tiniest bit more, straining to listen for more context clues. The men on the screen were moaning, the bottom specifically calling out for his 'big brother'.

Sam knew he should feel sick. His own big brother was watching incest porn. Sam could only assume why. Yet, his cock stirred in his pants.

Sam reached a tentative hand down, pressing the heel of his hand into his dick and holding in a soft moan. He pressed his head to the door frame, eyes moving from the screen to Dean.

Dean's brow was scrunched up, his eyes shut in pleasure. He had one hand on his dick, the other fisting the sheet as he bucked his hips up.

"Fuck, Sammy." Dean groaned out, his head tilted back and exposing the line of his neck.

Sam's knees buckled as he creamed himself like a damn teenager. He bit down on his free arm, desperately holding in his moans.

He blinked back to himself after a few moments, just in time to watch Dean finish all over his hand.

Slowly, quietly, Sam shut the bathroom door and stripped down, stepping into the shower to try and wash off the sin.

[monstermoviedean]

it's so frustrating though because sam thinks his greatest sin is letting dean down and yet he portrays it as dean's expectations being too high. when he says "what happens when you've decided i can't be trusted again?" he's putting the blame on dean. it's dean's decision that he can't be trusted, and in sam's mind his actions are inconsequential to that trust. in sam's mind dean's trust in him is completely unpredictable and subject to dean's whims. it's not. it's absolutely fucking not. dean almost always trusts sam but the extent to which he trusts sam with sensitive and personal matters depends on how sam reacts - and historically, sam has not taken great care and not shown himself to be working to deserve that trust. the rare occasions when dean can be said to not trust sam are when sam is making decisions that are questionable and/or withdrawing his trust from dean. sam says he let dean down but doesn't give a single example or show remorse for any of his actions. he blames dean for feeling let down by sam.

[sweetpapercroissant]

but i can’t get over the fact that sam was ready to die to restore dean’s trust in him, to prove himself worthy of dean’s loyalty, his love. and i don’t mean to take away from sam’s trials arc and all that it meant for him but. he really stood there in that church and confessed that his greatest sin was letting his brother down, breaking his trust. and then he proceeded to pay penance for it by completing the trials. having holy fire course through his veins burning him from the inside out just to repent to his god!!!! do you understand that?? he doesn’t believe in capital-g god anymore his devotion is to his brother his religion is their bond and nothing is more sacred. he will be martyred only for this.

[keen-eye]

Penny

D: Mistakes? Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits. Drinking demon blood, check. Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you're doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes, Sam. Those are choices!

D: Look, man, I don't even remember what I said, but, uh –

S: But what? But you didn't mean it? Oh, please. You and I both know you didn't need that penny to say those things.

D: Come on, Sam.

S: Own up to your crap, Dean. I told you from the jump where I was coming from, why I didn't look for you. But you? You had secrets. You had Benny. And you got on your high and mighty, and you've been kicking me ever since you got back. But that's over. So move on, or I will.

•••••••••••••••••���••••••••••••••••••••••

D: Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it? You ever, uh -- you ever done the "forgive me, father" before?

Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.

All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh... Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory, for starters. Or, hey, h-how about what you did to, uh, Penny Markle in the sixth grade? Why don't you lead with that?

S: Well, that was you.

D: Carry on.

S: You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?

D: Come on, man. That's not what I meant.

S: No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.

D: You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

sam’s faults

purgatory

[winchesterish]

BROTHERS. @luminescent-chorus

DEAN:

Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can't do it without you.

SAM:

You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?

DEAN:

Come on, man. That's not what I meant.

SAM:

No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.

DEAN:

Sam—

SAM:

[beginning to cry] What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another— another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just—

DEAN:

Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

"A Brother Named Gethsemane" by Natalie Diaz / Supernatural

[emiliosandozsequence]

Your choice of SPN character has been hit with a curse of Endless Chatter. Write one run-on sentence of dialogue for them (until your own stream-of-consciousness runs out!).

Sam Winchester - s8 finale

A confession. I have a lot to confess, don't I. More than most anyway. I mean, how many people can say they started the apocalypse. Granted, I guess I stopped it too, but not before a lot of people had already lost their lives, lost loved ones. And that's on me; that's something I can't ever take back. I'm the one that chose to trust a demon and drink her blood. It doesn't matter the rest of the details that led up to the final decision to open the gates of Hell. If I'd just been smarter, it wouldn't have happened.

And that's what matters.

If I'd been smarter, I would've known Ruby was planning to free Lucifer. Hell, if I'd been smarter, I would've listened to Dean in the first place and not trusted her at all. I would've shot her with the Colt in that motel room in the first time she showed her black eyes to me in Cicero. But I didn't, and, again, that's what matters.

That isn't even all I've done.

I've failed the world and, indeed, those I love most more times than I can count. I might be able to forgive myself if they were able to forgive me, but it's evident from how things always get brought up that they haven't and, at this point, probably won't. I can hardly blame them because I understand where they're coming from. I can't say I would be too forgiving myself in their position. I mean...would I really have been able to forgive Dean if he'd gone off to college at eighteen and left me alone with Dad? Maybe that's why Dean's still so mad about that: not becaus I left for college, but because I left for college and he was still with Dad. He'd never admit it, though. He'd never say outloud that Dad was anything but a saint to him. He forgets I was there. He forgets I know differently. He forgets I experienced it too. And maybe that's why I can't forgive myself either. Why everything else I've ever done to wrong him - or that he's perceived as me wronging him - has hit both of us so hard: because I know what I did by leaving him behind with Dad. So that's my greatest sin, I guess. Every time I let Dean down. Every time I ran from him when I should have stayed. Every time I chose myself instead of him when he's chosen me every time he's ever had to make any choice ever. And, really, how can I forgive myself? How can I look myself in the mirror and grin at my reflection knowing all that? Knowing that it effects Dean enough that he still brings it up to this day? Could you? If I'm honest with myself, I don't know if I ever will. I don't know if I even can. But I suppose this can be a start. I can make this confession and finish these trials and do better every day to show Dean how sorry I am. How much I won't let this happen again. Maybe then he can heal. Maybe then he can forgive me too. And if I can't forgive myself, then, well, this is the next best thing.

[thismustbefakeminespn]

8x23 Sacrifice

44/?

SAM

You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.

DEAN

Sam --

SAM

What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another -- another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just –

DEAN

Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.

[quietwingsinthesky]

If you are still taking prompts how about a scene with lucifer worshipping sam like hes heavenly gift - basically just luci giving sam a self-esteem boost (because tbh sam really needs one)

hello anon! i think this one got a little... weird? but i hope it's what you were looking for :3

When Sam says that he is unholy, it’s resigned. 

Deaths around me since I was born, he presents as evidence, without Dean or Dad vouching for me, I think I would’ve been shot before I turned eighteen. Always knew there was something wrong, deep down. Demon blood rotting my veins.

He doesn’t list Lucifer as one of the reasons he’s damned. Not to his face, if he does believe it, but Lucifer doesn’t think so. They’ve spent too long entangled. Sam knows his sins as well as his punishment, his part in the grand play and how few scenes he was written to be in before curtain call. Blame grows like vines up a wall, reaching higher and higher for who was actually at fault. Sam was going to be Lucifer’s from the moment he fell, but Lucifer was always going to fall. Placing the onus on God is harder for someone who never met him. (Lucifer speaks as someone who can’t despite that. Even closing his vessel's eyes can make him feel trapped, and he still loves the God who caged him.)

So, the vines reach nowhere before they’re torn down by Sam himself beside the tall stone. He takes their straining bodies and wraps them around himself to mimic chains when no one else will bind him. He leads himself to the gallows to choke for betrayals he had no control over. He thinks he’s to blame for being a baby who smiled at a stranger over his crib before the sour taste of sulfur splashed on his tongue. Someone has to be punished for it. 

If a stay in Hell couldn’t make him feel pure, how does he think tearing himself apart will?

Sam is stubborn, but he was made in Lucifer’s image and they both learned from hardheaded older brothers how to stand their ground. As many times as Sam tries to tie his own noose, Lucifer will sit beside him and undo the knots without judgment. 

After all, Sam threw him back into Hell, and Lucifer still loves him. He can’t blame Sam for anything.

His greatest crime, Sam always claims, was freedom. He knows this, taught to him by Heaven’s sifted memories and his brother’s scowl at his happiest moments. Lucifer is hungry for every minute of Sam’s life that he missed, and though most scars are ones Sam will tell stories about in detail, (“-two of them coming at me, with claws as long as my forearm, and one got lucky-“) Lucifer had an easier time wrangling the horsemen than he does getting Sam to tell him about Stanford. 

It’s strangely easier for Sam when Lucifer wears another face. With long blonde hair falling around his shoulders and soft brown eyes and a mole between his brows that Sam will press a kiss to, he’s allowed to hear about that secret life. Sam doesn’t call him Jessica anymore, but when he tells Lucifer about her, he holds him like he's half-memory, half-dream. He talks about his other friends, faces that, if he’s lucky, he hasn’t seen in years, and if he’s not… Lucifer still has yet to drag that out of him, even though he knows already about the devils on Sam’s shoulder before him. 

Lucifer kept track of exactly how long he was locked away, on Earth and in Hell. On Earth, he measure it against the rise of man’s empires. As for Hell, humans haven’t bothered to invent a number that high. Most of the stars he watched be created and grew alongside are now younger than him by millennia. 

So it is not lightly that Lucifer tells Sam that freedom is never a sin.

He’s not sure Sam believes him. 

Sam will take on every burden tossed his way. Most people seem happy to let him. Lucifer will not see him crushed. He’s too lovely for that. Too important. (After all, he’s Lucifer’s entire world. That must mean he’s the center of the universe, more gravitational pull that the sun.)

It has to be like this: in the shade of the Bunker’s main building, where the grass grows a deeper shade of green than the other side because the soil is better for reasons Lucifer is still puzzling out, Lucifer pushes Sam into a wall and kisses him. Sam makes a noise, surprise, but he came out on Lucifer’s invitation for some fresh air and he doesn’t push him away. There are dandelions growing in the crack between the cement and the ground it sticks out of. Lucifer nudges Sam’s feet gently to the side so that he doesn’t accidentally step on one. 

“If you wanted somewhere we could make out in private, my door has a lock,” Sam says as Lucifer breaks the kiss to let him breathe. His lungs expand and deflate in a strong, steady rhythm. His heart beats calmly. Lucifer listens to it. He’d gotten used to spending entire nights keeping track of Sam’s heart, fear gripping him every time it would skip a beat or weaken. The trials would have taken everything from Lucifer. He is sick of his Father’s ultimate sacrifices or how Sam always seems to be the one who must lie down on the altar. 

“That’s not it,” he says. He kisses Sam again for the easy joy of it. Sam melts into him. He has mostly recovered thanks to Lucifer’s attention, but sometimes, the weakness will strike back again. Sam’s gotten very used to leaning on Lucifer. “I want you to understand something.” Sam’s mouth curves into a smile. Lucifer lifts a finger to trace the dimple that forms. 

“What?” he asks. 

“How good you are,” Lucifer says. He can feel the words rip through Sam worse than any barb, and that hurts. He’s more used to insults than praise, no matter how Lucifer tries to make up the difference. 

“Lucifer, that’s not-“ Sam tries for the first time to push him away, and though Lucifer allows distance between them, he doesn’t let Sam run from this. Not when he needs it. Instead, he runs his fingertips gently over Sam’s skin while he’s kept at arm’s length. Sam relaxes under his touch, never fully, but Lucifer is still reintroducing him to all the love he’s allowed to have. He trails his touch up Sam’s arm to the hand keeping him at bay, firmly clasping Lucifer’s shoulder. Lucifer wraps his hand around it.

“This world doesn’t deserve you as its savior,” he tells Sam. Sam shakes his head, and Lucifer wonders which part he’s denying more, that he’s too good for the world or that he ever even saved it. They were both there in Stull, two parts of one whole, but somehow it’s only Lucifer who remembers it for the victory it was. “It’s lucky that you don’t care. That all it would take is one decent soul to convince you it’s worth it. They don’t even have to be pure. They just have to be trying to do better, and you’ll walk into fire for them.”

“That’s just my job,” Sam downplays. 

“No, your job is to hunt. No one makes you care. You’ve chosen to do that all on your own, no matter how hard it is.” Because it is hard, even for Sam. He’s as human as the rest of them. He gets frustrated and angry and hurt. He extends kindness anyway. 

Lucifer should know. Who else would find the devil half-dead on their doorstep while trying to close Hell and still bring him in from the cold? Who else would have given him a second chance he never earned?

Sam’s grip on his shoulder falters. Lucifer leans back in until his mouth meets Sam’s again. 

“I wish I could share how I see you, Sam,” Lucifer says. “You shine so bright.” Sam laughs bitterly like Lucifer’s told a poor joke.

“I went to Hell,” he argues. “I couldn’t even finish the final trial. There’s nothing pure, nothing bright, about me.”

“Hell tried to snuff you out. The trials tried to burn you until there was nothing left. You are so much more beautiful for having survived them.” And beautiful makes Sam flinch. Something Lucifer knows for certain: before him, no one had ever called Sam that, except maybe as a joke. Handsome, sure, and he is, but he’s beautiful, too, and Lucifer needs him to believe that. He will, one day. Lucifer is nothing if not persistent.

“Why do you care so much about what I think?” Sam whispers. Lucifer bumps his forehead to Sam’s, and Sam’s hand comes up to rest on the back of his neck and hold him close.

“Someone should,” Lucifer says. He shuts his eyes and thinks for ways to make Sam understand how much this matters. It goes beyond simple pride. 

And maybe that’s how to show Sam he’s serious. 

Lucifer presses one more kiss to his lips to steel himself. His grace recoils at the vulnerability of what he wants to give Sam, but he wrestles it into obedience. Sam is blinking back tears, mostly succeeding but for one or two that glance off his cheek as they escape the tip of an eyelash. Lucifer kisses the wet spots they leave. 

Arduously, he forces himself to his knees. The very concept of him rebels against it. He sits at Sam’s feet like the dandelions beside his heels. It takes everything in him to gaze upwards at Sam and see his expression. Sam’s mouth is agape. His hair falls forward into his eyes as he looks back down at Lucifer. He can’t seem to remember how to speak, and that’s just as well because Lucifer can’t either. He reaches up for Sam’s hands and manages to capture both of them in his own.

Sam is leaning back against the wall. Lucifer tips into him. His thighs lift off of his heels as he pushes himself forward. He rests his head against Sam’s stomach.

It’s peaceful. Lucifer won’t go as far as to say that he feels like he belongs there, but it’s nostalgic, in a way. He forces the air out of his vessel’s lungs. It makes the bottom of Sam’s shirt ruffle. 

One of Sam’s hands escapes Lucifer’s. It finds its way to the back of Lucifer’s head, and the uncertain scratch of nails over his scalp settles him enough that he can speak again.

“You are good,” he tells Sam. “You are good. You are good.” He repeats himself. He’s out of practice with prayer. He hopes the mantra will do. Maybe Sam can teach him a thing or two later.

Sam listens, and maybe, Lucifer hopes, he starts to believe it.

[prowl-autism-extraordinaire]

the thing about wincest is that, like. its not even a little bit sexual to me? like idc if people make it sexual, thats fine, some of those fics are pretty good but. its an intense, toxic codependency that nobody who knows them looks at too close but they cant look away either. "irrationally, psychotically, erotically codependent", like zachariah said. by god nobody can have dean if sam cant have him and god help you if you land a hand on sam. theres something WRONG with them and you cant tell me "there aint no me if there aint no you" and "my greatest sin was letting you down" is like. normal sibling behaviors. sam let the devil out like buddy i think thats a little more pressing!!!!

[archangelsammy]

ooo how about sam for the ask game!

sin!!!! hi!!! hello!!!!!

sammy...

1. sexuality headcanon:

that boy is bisexual!!!

2. otp:

samifer 👉👈

3. brotp:

lately it's sam and cas!!! they deserve to be unhinged and do experiments together! also. lesser known sammichael besties doing a book club but the club is them reading in the same room right beside each other and not speaking

4. notp:

idk if I have a notp with sammy?? like there's stuff I don't personally read but. it's not a notp you know??

5. first headcanon that pops into my head:

he knows enochian fluently. he reads six languages and speaks five because he can't stand not knowing things. he always has to know, and it used to annoy dean so much because he'd keep asking and asking about things, especially if he got really drunk and he'd pester dean or whoever he was drinking with until they recounted every single thing he did

6. favourite line from this character:

“You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again.”

or:

"In the vision, Lucifer touches me and I feel calm... like things will be alright."

7. one way in which I relate to this character:

two words: catholic guilt

8. thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character:

you know those little awkward waves he does??? gives me sooo much second hand embarrassment bc I do it too 😔

9. cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

um he is literally baby. cinnamon roll

[wickedanddeadly]

Sam Winchester's Bio

" You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again. "

Sam is usually kind, empathetic, intelligent, and independent. He is often the exasperated voice of reason in his relationship with Dean, who in turn sees him as a geek or prude, and teasingly calls him "Bitch," to which Sam usually responds with "Jerk." He doesn’t drink alcohol as much as Dean does and has a much healthier diet than his brother. Sam also has a phobia of clowns, due to his brother often leaving him at Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie when they were children. This is not helped by the fact that every time they have encountered a clown, it has tried to kill them.

Because of his intelligence, Sam is usually assigned the role of researching information for hunts - he is the "brain," whilst Dean is the "muscle." He normally remembers details that Dean overlooks and is prone to make connections quicker than his brother. He also knows a great deal of information that causes Dean to label him a "walking encyclopedia of weirdness." In college, Sam scored a 174 out of 180 on his LSAT. Sam has looked up to Dean since they were children and knows him better than anyone else. He tries to get Dean to open up about his emotions and problems, encouraging him to take care of himself - on several occasions, he has even been frustrated by his brother's fixation on placing Sam's well-being above his own. However, Sam shows similar protective tendencies towards Dean, particularly after Dean makes his deal and returns from Hell as a shadow of who he used to be, to the point that Sam's memories of Dean allowed him to regain control of his body while possessed by Lucifer. Sam tends to be driven by feelings of anger and vengeance.

As a teenager and even as a young man, he argued with his father constantly whenever they were together. Sam wanted to live a normal "apple pie" life instead of continuing to hunt, which led to most of his arguments with John and his estrangement from his family. However, Dean once stated that despite his own best efforts to be like John - liking the same music, clothes, and cars - being the good son, the soldier, and the Hunter - Sam always has been and always will be more like John than he is. Sam and John clash and argue so much because they are so similar. Sam does not take this as a compliment, and it is clear that while Dean truly idolized his father, both boys are not always overly fond of their father due to his secrets, mysterious actions, and his strict treatment and upbringing of his sons.

After Jessica's death, Sam became fixated on vengeance but still held out hope for eventually returning to Stanford. Sam was more focused on finding Jessica's killer than he was on following John's instructions on which hunts to take, something that often put him at odds with Dean. He was obsessed with revenge and was even willing to sacrifice his life to kill Azazel, although he ultimately proved that he valued Dean's life over the demon's death.

After John's death, Sam focused all his attention on hunting instead of returning to a normal life. He felt guilt for angrily confronting his father in his final moments and for not realizing that he had been planning on sacrificing himself. Sam put all his energy into doing what he thought John would want him to and kept trying to get Dean to deal with their father's death in a healthy way. After the reveal of John's ultimatum to Dean and the discovery of the other "special children," Sam became terrified that he would somehow turn evil. He made Dean promise to kill him if anything were to happen. Sam was killed (metaphorically and literally stabbed in the back) because he refused to murder another human being, but when Dean brought him back to life by selling his soul, Sam killed his murderer without hesitation. Azazel implied to Dean that since he was resurrected by a demon deal, he may not truly be "100 percent pure Sam," which Dean would also come to question himself when Sam killed Casey when Dean told him to stop, as he wanted her alive. After finding out Dean had made the demon deal, Sam declared that he would save his brother no matter what.

Following Dean's death and condemnation to Hell, Sam became so fixated on avenging his brother and killing Lilith that he almost turned himself into a monster. Due to his grief at Dean's death, the demon Ruby was able to manipulate Sam into a sexual relationship and convinced him to start drinking demon blood, claiming it was the only way he would be able to avenge his brother. Sam drank so much that he became an addict. Even after Dean returned, Sam was unwilling to let the desire for vengeance go and he continued the affair in secret. Sam was repeatedly warned by Dean that he was making mistakes, but he disregarded their advice, believing that he was the only one who could stop Lilith from releasing Lucifer.

Sam felt extremely guilty over his role in freeing and spent a large portion of his time trying to make amends. He also took responsibility in his part of starting the apocalypse. Sam confessed that he always felt angry and he didn't know why - as well as the fact that he tended to blame other people for his anger , instead of accepting it as a personal flaw. Sam's desire to set things right finally culminated in him sacrificing himself to save the rest of the world, throwing himself into the Cage with Lucifer and Michael in order to protect his brother. It was thought that Sam would be trapped in the Cage forever, but Sam didn’t remain in the Cage for long before he was pulled out by and Angel and placed back on earth, alive… but without his soul.

Sam reveals himself to Dean, and they begin hunting again. However, Sam's behavior markedly deviated from what was typical for him - he leaves Dean to live with the Braeden’s while he hunts with Samuel Campbell for a year, letting Dean think he's still in Hell, spends the night with a prostitute, and most peculiarly, lets Dean get turned into a vampire to find a nest. Even his overall demeanor is different, being much calmer and more collected than before, even when greeting Dean after being separated for a year, he did so as if he just saw his brother the previous day. This leads Dean to momentarily believe Sam was still possessed by Lucifer. It’s then found out that whilst Sam’s body and mind are not in the Cage, his soul is. During the time that Sam was soulless he lacked empathy and behaved like a sociopath. Without any emotions or sense of morality, he was often willing to overlook the deaths of civilians as collateral damage, such as urging Dean to snipe the Skinwalker pack leader despite there being innocent people in the way and killing all the Arachne victims with the rationale that it would take too long to get them to hospital, which was an extreme departure from Sam's normal desire to help people and protect the innocent. He was also much ruder and snarkier than. He was reckless and impulsive, and in turn being more seductive than before, sleeping with a lot more women than he typically would, as well as being more aggressive, killing a demon aiding them solely on suspicion of his possible betrayal and beating Sheriff Atkins upon being caught out for impersonating FBI. Sam also felt nothing for any of his loved ones, telling Dean point blank that he didn't care about him, he even tried to murder Bobby in an attempt to prevent his soul from being returned to his body. After his soul was reunited with him, Sam again felt great remorse for his actions and spent the rest of the time struggling to make up for what his soulless self-had done.

Sam decides to pray to God for guidance. When struck by visions of the Cage and of his dead father Sam becomes heavily determined to seek Lucifer out, against Dean's better judgment. He even goes to Hell without waiting for Dean to join him. Sam briefly expresses horror when Lucifer reveals that he was the origin of the visions, not God. Lucifer goes so far to point out that from the time they fought at Stull Cemetery, Sam has grown increasingly weak, citing his decision not to seek Dean out when the latter was trapped in Purgatory. Lucifer reveals that Sam's guilt over abandoning Dean in Purgatory for a regular life with Amelia Richardson has filled Sam with such guilt that he can't bring himself to lose Dean again which is why he allowed Dean to talk him out of "boarding up Hell." Sam later admits to Dean that he agrees how he should have searched for him and is surprised to learn that Dean has long ago forgiven him for his actions.

Sam is unable to brush aside Lucifer's various lies and not say "yes." Sam’s guilt over him constantly disappointing his brother was eating him alive him the inside out. He couldn’t live with the thought that his stupid actions and mistakes were going to end up getting Dean killed that he could no longer live with himself. No matter how much shit he got himself into Dean was always there to pull him out of it and that was the very thing that was going to get Dean killed – cleaning up after Sam’s messes. Behind Dean’s back Sam went back to the Cage and struck a deal with Lucifer. Sam agreed to say yes and let Lucifer jump back a board as long as he promised Dean’s safety – that Dean would be able to go on and live a normal life without the worry of his little brother getting him killed and Lucifer happily agreed because once again freed from his cage.

As of December 2021: Sam has fallen back to his demon blood drinking ways, but tries to keep it underwraps from everyone, while trying to balance a "normal" life for himself and his loved ones. He's also cut loose and indulged in more dangerous types of activites due to hanging out with the Lost Boys.

Powers and Abilities

Master Hunting Skills Master Hand-to-Hand Combatant Master Marksman Master Swordsman High Level Intelligence Intimidation Leadership Qualities Multilingualism High Pain Tolerance Exorcism Archangel Containment Top Physical Conditioning Weaknesses

Teleportation Mortality Magic Basic stats

Height: 6'5" Hair: Dark Brown Eyes: Hazel Relations

Marie Morningstar-Winchester ( Wife ) Luke Mendoza ( Stepson ) Zoe Bryce ( Sister In Law ) Tatum Bryce ( Niece ) Leon Hawthorne ( Future Nephew In Law / Hunting Partner) Zoey Dolan ( Sister In Law ) Colin Mason Bryce ( Brother In Law ) Sonya Alexander Logan ( Mother In Law ) Gunner Logan ( Father In Law ) Judas Logan ( Brother In Law) Drake Alexander ( Grandfather ) Dean Winchester ( Brother ) Face Claim: Jared Padalecki

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

THE SEASON EIGHT FINALE EATS ME ALIVE EVERY TIME!!!!

Sam is literally on his last legs but keeps going through with the final trial because he wants to badly to right his wrongs and do some good. And when Dean says that completing the trial will kill him, Sam’s response is “so?”

He says he went into the confessional and confessed his greatest sins- he confessed all the times that he let Dean down.

And Dean tells him he’ll choose Sam every time, that there is nothing he would ever put before Sam, that he would rather let Crowley and all the other demons walk if it means that Sam lives.

AND THE WAY HE TELLS SAM TO LET IT GO

This entire scene is so heartbreaking and desperate- it’s the perfect Broment.

AND this is one of my very very favorite Sam & Dean hugs of all time

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Peace of Mind (14x15)

It's a good thing Dean didn't go with Sam to investigate right away because I think that Charming Acres really could have gotten it's hooks in him, because you know that he wouldn't have turned down a milkshake, especially a free milkshake. And if it had gotten both of them...whew boy!

As it is, Cas is wonderful in this episode! "No, I don't eat." HILARIOUS!

And ugh, Jared is so good!

Sam: Fine! Sir, using language like, uh, "H-E-double hockey sticks" You should have your mouth washed out with soap. Castiel: Sam... Sam: It's Justin. [slams door in Castiel's face]

Meanwhile... Dean is so awkward about Jack and the snake, it's fucking adorable. Not knowing, or caring, what snakes eat, "Have you tried bacon?" And then watching to see if Jack chose the angel or devils food cake? Like, babe, that's not... you know what, nevermind.

Castiel: [pinned on the floor under Sam] Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it's like to lose your army. I know what it's like to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can't lose yourself. You have to keep fighting. You can't lose yourself, because if you do, you fail us. You fail all of those that we've lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean.

"Sam, you fail Dean."

And that was what did it. Always. Sam's greatest sin (according to himself) has always been letting down his big brother, and the thought of doing that again snaps him out of it.

And now Cas has had both Winchester brothers stab an angel blade into the floor next to his head, and really, just good for him. They both have had the opportunity to stab him in his face and yet chose not to.

Dean: Hey! How was Arkansas? Sam: Arkansas was, uh... It was weird. Dean: Heard you wore a cardigan. [Sam shoots a look at Castiel] Castiel: Yeah, I told him about the cardigan. Sam: Great. Thanks. Dean: And the wife. [Sam shoots another look at Castiel] He said you were, uh, really happy. Sam: Thanks. Castiel: Yeah. Where's Jack? Dean: His room. [to Sam, after Castiel leaves] Really happy, huh? Sam: I mean, I guess I was happy, but... It wasn't real, you know? Just... Dean: Well, not a lot of happy goin' on around here. Sam: I hate this place right now. I hate it. Everywhere I look, I see them. I see Maggie.I guess that's why, uh -- why I was so desperate to get out of here, why I kept running us ragged. But I got to stop that. I-I can't keep running. I -- This is my home. This is our home. Dean, I think I just need some time. Dean: Okay. [Dean gives Sam a double pat on his shoulder before leaving the room. Sam looks on the verge of tears but exhales a steadying breath]

Why are they *gestures vaguely at the Winchesterness of them* like this?

[supernatural-firstwatch]

Season 8 Episode 23: Sacrifice

SEASON FINALE AT LAST!!! Season 8 took me forever it feels like!!! So, how is Sam going to die at the end of this season only to come back the next one? It’s his turn. Dean died/went to purgatory in the last season. And since they’ve been alternating since Season 1...

- Roderick? Why is this Jody person calling Crowley Roderick? And who is his Jody person? They’ve closed down the bar! WAIT! This is Sheriff Jody?? I can never recognize her. And there goes Crowley, prepping a hex bag for her... Oooh, what are the brothers plotting? There is no way they’re going to be going along with this. So what’s the plan???

- Ok, so they got the whole tablet back together. And Kevin is in on the plan. And Cass is still going on with the trials to close Heaven’s gates. Maybe he should check in with the brothers...? Cause, you know, closing up Heaven while Hell is still wide open may not be the best idea.

- Awh, Sam and Dean are back at Bobby’s :( Man, Crowley is really letting Dean get that close to him? Hahahahahaha. Demonic handcuffs! They used the tablets as bait to get Crowley!!! Nice. Now they just need to “cure” Crowley.

- Oh Cass. You are still SO BAD at this!!! And the angels have Metatron.

- Oh, NOW they put up devil traps. Also, where are they getting the purified blood? HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!! Now I want to know what happened to Penny Markle in the sixth grade and what Dean did!!! 

- This is a bad idea. I wouldn’t leave Sam by himself with Crowley for 8 hours... Oooooo!!!! Sam injected Crowley with his blood post-confession and his arms glowed! That means he’s on the right path. Also, is he going to be able to keep this up for 8 hours? I mean... That’s a long way to go and his body is hurtling toward the cliff face. 

- You know, forcing Kevin to translate the tablet is going to blow up in your face. You’re acting a lot like the demons.

- URGH! WHAT IS CROWLEY UP TO BITING SAM??? And then not saying anything!!! Oooh, he’s gonna use his blood to communicate. Smart. Dean better get back to Sam cause he’s gonna need help.

- GAIL IS CUPID!!! AND IS SETTING THE TWO GUYS UP!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! LOVE IT!!!!! DEAN’S FACE!!!! 

- Oh, Sam looks so bad. He should call Dean. He won’t, but he should. I don’t know that Sam can physically do this by himself. And there’s Abbadon!!! I had a feeling we’d be seeing her again soon. HAHAHA!!! Crowley is hilarious if he thinks Abbadon is going to help him. She was horrified when she learned he was the King of Hell. Pretty sure she might just try to kill him instead. And Sam’s unconscious. HAHAHAHA!!! “You and I are going to talk about a little regime change.” Yep. Saw that one coming a mile away. 

- WOAH! Sam just set her one FIRE!! There she goes!!! Bye bye Abbadon! Go forth and find yourself a new host! And then come back to kick some more ass? HAHAHAH!!! “You did good back there, Moose. I’ll deny it if you ever quote me, but I’m a proud man. I’m proud of you.” You’re so full of shit, Crowley. You’re just glad Abbadon didn’t kill you. Except that Sam wants to cure you. HAHAHAHA!!!!!! “We just shared a fox hole, you and I!” WHAT??? “I deserve to be loved!” WHAT??? I love how Sam has the same expression we’re all sporting right now. Clearly it’s working. 

- Man, Sam looks like shit. Crowley wants to know where does he start with a confession? “Where do I start to even look for forgiveness?”

- I KNEW METATRON WAS A LYING LITTLE BASTARD!!! What is he trying to pull??? He’s trying to cast out the angels from Heaven?? “Our mission was to protect what God created. I don’t know when we forgot that.” You failed at your mission. You did a bang-up job at trying to destroy it.

- Wah wah!!! Is Dean going to stop the trial??? 

- MEEEEEP!!!!! Naomi got her needle jammed into the back of her head. Bye Amanda Tapping! I’ve loved seeing you again! Naomi would be in Slythering. Actually, most of the angels would be in Slytherin. Except Cass. Cass... That’s a good question. I’m not sure. Maybe Gryffindor? And now Metatron is holding a knife to Cass’s throat. 

- Oh, Sam. “You finish these trials, you’re dead Sam.”’ “So?” ARE YOU SERIOUS, SAM??? What about your whole speech of you wanting to live because you see a light at the end of the tunnel and you’re going to take Dean with you??? You can’t just be like “So?” !!!!!!

- And Cass is back on the chair. OH MAN!!! METATRON TOOK HIS GRACE!!! AND SENT HIM BACK TO EARTH!!! 

- OMG I’m going to cry... Sam. Sammy. THESE TWO!!! “We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But I can’t do it without you.” “You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?” “Come on, man. That’s not what I meant,” “No, it’s exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again.” “Sam--” “What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? Another angel, another-- Another vampire? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother just---” “Hold on, hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it-- None of it-- is true. Listen man I know we’ve had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I’ve said some junk that set you back on your heels. But Sammy... Come on. I killed  Benny to save you. I’m willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you. It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I’m begging you.”  

I CAN’T EVEN WITH THESE BOYS!!!!!And now Sam is likely dying anyway because of these trials!!!! And Sam can’t breathe!! And Cass doesn’t have his essence anymore!!! And it’s not like he could save Sam anyway. He said that a long time ago, that Sam was damaged in ways he couldn’t save him. 

- WHY IS EVERYTHING IN THE MEN OF LETTERS BUNKER SUDDENLY TURNING ON??? OH SHIT!!!! OH SHIT!!! THOSE ARE ALL THE ANGELS BEING CAST OUT OF HEAVEN!!!!

Well.... shit.... Is it all the angels that have fallen?? And have to live as humans?