#sam & rachel’s fuckery

[dannystattoo]

My deepest apologies to @90smallaesthetic for the sleep deprived stream of consciousness texts they’re receiving at 3:15AM after my steam of SCWT texts, thank u for still being my friend for some reason

[its-moopoint]

I can't keep up

I'm sorry guys, I'm trying to eat while checking Tumblr but I can't reply to all the anons starting to dislike Cait, speculating on her tv watcher, both she and Sam almost live posting all their moves the last few hours or being spotted, Chandler and Monica are having a baby (or two), Ross and Rachel are making out, there are chicks and ducks in the world again (yes I'm watching The Last One)... it's way too much but I'm still zen. I mean holidays in different locations (apparently), were any of us really expecting a different thing? Sam's tweet to Graham seemed to plant the LA seed already burt we will see where he turns up at (whether true or not and actually the whole time or for a few days it's up for debate) then Cait going home (IF she is really there and again the whole time. Australia must be meant for Easter or summer break). We'll see if there's fuckery to add to this or not. Keep your cool people, Gunther just declared his feelings for Rachel but she is not on that page, so chill. For now.

[insidesamevans]

I'm Coming Back To Finish The Series...

…but Imma rant first. So bear with me.

I hate Glee writers. Seriously, speaking exclusively from the standpoint of a Samcedian, these hoes suck. Honestly, I cannot for the life of me, figure out why anyone would wanna fuck with our ship. I wouldn't complain if the act of severing Samcedes helped to further plot points or something like that… but at this point I'm pretty sure the writers do it just because they can. I really can’t think of any fucking reason for Samcedes ending the series the way it did. No reason whatsoever. And the worst part is that I believe the writers only did that shit out of habit.

Stay with me here; I’m about to take you on a trip.

So who here remembers back when Season two ended with Samcedes holding hands surreptitiously in The Lima Bean?

Anybody?

Okay, so that shit rubbed me wrong a little at the time, mostly because I didn’t like Mercedes having to make do with a secret Boo, while everybody else was deep in true, public love. Plus Sam had just survived this truly God-awful year, so in my mind they deserved a little classroom PDA together. It bothered me, but still, the couple was cute. And I was fascinated by the ship, giving me a reason to do two things: a) go back thru S2 episodes and look for ninja moments of Samcedes together. And b) discover fanfic.

It was pretty much the end of my life as I knew it then.

I spent that summer (I remember being laid off work and doing the summer children chauffeur tour while collecting my pennies and doing intermittent temp work) discovering AUs. So many AUs… I read stories about how Samcedes got together as a couple. I pored over many authors’ rendition of their magical first summer together, I looked over my shoulder while reading smutty first-time narration, and I got my life. Which meant that the anger I SHOULD have felt over the fucking writers flinging Samcedes at us in the last minute? It never truly materialized.

So Season 3 starts and Mercedes is real quick to shit all over Samcedes, so of course I died a little inside. Intellectually I knew the reason behind the whole Tinsley-Gate thing had to do with Chord not being there. But my shit was wrecked! All the time I wasted getting hooked on a ship that was dead in the water? I wanted it back! So you can imagine my joy when Sam returned and spent the whole season chasing Mercedes.

This is where watching Glee became my sweetest form of torture. Because even though our couple had many and plenty scenes together and it was marvelous, they were never an ACTUAL COUPLE. So they had no right to all the stolen kisses and sweet moments together. And by the time the season ended and they were in the clear to be the Samcedes I needed to see… like, Promosaurus Samcedes for the win!

The shit fizzled out for no discernible reason whatsoever.

Why, tho? For what point? Why was it okay to display Kurt and Blaine’s relationship dashing itself on the rocks of a long distance relationship, Finchel dissolving in angst, Brittana hopelessly divided… but not Samcedes? Once again, they were broken up offscreen like stepchildren, and once again we had to rely on fanfic to provide the whole story. I knew in my heart that Samcedes could have been the one couple to survive the whole “c/o 2012 going off to college” thing. Cuz it wasn’t their first time at the long distance rodeo, but whatever. The people wanted to experience Bram in all its glory. So be it and all that shit.

Here’s where the fuckery resumes tho. The writers made it a point to put quote marks around Samcedes after Cory passed away. Bram took its last breath when Heather got pregnant, so that was no longer an issue. That Stevie Wonder episode was all about Mercedes, and Sam had a small role in boosting her up. Then the back half of Season 5 was pretty much their show. The grownup Samcedes Saga. They weren’t in puppy love anymore and shit was for real. So why split them up?

Go on, I’ll wait.

Why?

I’ll tell you why… the show runners didn’t give a shit about anybody other than Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine.

Tina and Artie might have gotten their happily ever after and Quick may have worked through all their shit, but for all we know Mike is married to Matt now. Like Rory and Sugar or Artie and Kitty, Samcedes wasn’t important enough waste a finale love story on. And it sucked because Samcedes put in the work; they deserved a wedding and a baby. Sam wanted it, Mercedes wanted it. Season 5 set it up for us to see; ergo it should have happened.

Instead we got a whole season of Mercedes relinquishing Sam to Rachel for only God knows what reason, and heavy innuendo suggesting that they will always be in love.

I call bullshit so if you aren’t ready to be inundated with MY version of events through the lens of this die-hard Samcedian, unfollow quickly.

Cuz it’s going DOWN!

[dannystattoo]

@90smallaesthetic is absolutely correct, but they didn’t have to say it 🤣😂

[dannystattoo]

You can pick any tattoo artist to tattoo you RIGHT NOW! Who’s the artist, what are you getting, and where?

Sooo I think the next tattoo I want is a GVF piece and I kinda have an idea, but not entirely? I’d like to add to the piece i already have (adding the symbol for Caravel because Strange Horizons and the symbol for Weight of Dreams because Dreams in Gold) and then somehow turn it into a sleeve to incorporate “your mind is a steam of colors extending behind our sky” - I’d probably like to have Kelsey do it for me because she is also a fan and would get it (we’ve actually discussed this piece, but are obviously finishing on my Zero one first)or the guy who did my My Way, Soon one because his dark line work is phenomenal!! I also decided I may want the Light My Love symbol in rainbow ink, but I’m like…fam 4 hyper fixation tattoos is A Lot ™️ 😂

[dannystattoo]

If you could be on any reality show/game show (regardless of whether or not it’s still on TV now), what would you pick?

I would want to do a Nickelodeon Game show for SURE. There’s so many good ones, but I think Legends of the Hidden Temple would probably be my choice - I definitely don’t have the physical skills for GUTS and I’ve never had a desire to get slimed because it’s gross and messy…so that eliminates most other options 😂

I would also like to be on Queer Eye because I need five gay men to come into my life and tell me everything I’m doing wrong in life, but they do it with love lmao

[dannystattoo]

okay, we have an unlimited budget and we both have unlimited PTO. Plan a trip for us. Where are we going and what are we going to do? You can pick more than one place if needed since we have unlimited PTO.

This is hard, we should travel everywhere!!! I still wanna do our HHN world tour, which I know we’ve been saying for years, but its still a dream trip. Maybe we do the hhn world tour, but build in a stop on Minneapolis so that you can visit mall of America

Alternatively, road trip through the US, but is just the kitschy-est places we can find 🤔

[dannystattoo]

Who would win in a fight - Buoy and Gritty vs. GVF

OK SO while I love GVF with my whole heart, I don’t think they could take Buoy and Gritty, but then again, WHO COULD????

I think Josh and Sam would give a very valiant effort though!! Actually, Josh would probably befriend Buoy because like exact same energy

[dannystattoo]

@90smallaesthetic and I are debating whether or not Minions are Republicans, please discuss

[dannystattoo]

@90smallaesthetic Joe Keery has a great ass and we don’t talk about it enough, I said what I said 😂

[dannystattoo]

Sure me and @90smallaesthetic had all of our flights to New York got cancelled because of the snow, but at least our alternative is getting drunk at Disney for two to three days

[dannystattoo]

Not me and @90smallaesthetic having an absolute Moment™️ having a moment about a Kermit the Frog Sweater 🤣🤣

[dannystattoo]

1, 5, 22, 31, 35

1. Animated character that was your gay awakening?

Ok, so the thing is, I can pinpoint the EXACT live action character who made me sit there and go "do I...do I? Yes?" was. (you didn't ask, but it was Allison Cameron from House)

Even though I can't think of one animated character who, at the time, made me sit there and think "hmm yeah, might be gay", the animated characters I was obsessed with a child make sense now though, if that makes sense. I'm gonna sound like every god damn gay who is a product of the 90s, but I blame Scooby Doo. It was either the Hex Girls or Daphne, not sure which.

5. What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own?

Aesthetic wise, probably my holo sneakers. Overall though, my purple/rainbow/whatever Docs. They're comfy and I could kick someone's ass in them while looking cool.

22. What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc)

Oh god, I went through like a...skater phase?...in the year of our lord 2006 (even though I've never touched a skateboard), and then of course I did the Theater Kid phase. Idk there's a lot more, but those are the two that lasted.

31. What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?

Definitely that fancy dress I bought at Goodwill that reminds me of Folklore (I'm gonna wear that to HHN this season, I don't care if I look stupid overdressed). I also have a zombie wedding dress and zombie prom dress that I've worn exactly once each, and I'd like an excuse to wear those again.

35. You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go?

Ok, but hear me out. Why have one meme tattooed on you, when you could have a sleeve or two of Kermit memes.

Thanks for asking, buddy! Yo-da best!!

Ask me some of these weird, but interesting asks

[dannystattoo]

I really appreciate that @90smallaesthetic and I had what i would consider our first brunch outing since the pandemic began and like the true gays that we are, we both showed up in bright colored , obnoxious pattern button up shirts 😂

[dannystattoo]

Two Floridians decided to go hiking today and surprisingly we made it there and back...let me emphasize SURPRISINGLY 😂 also, I had to wear my GVF shirt because Washington has given me the biggest From the Fires vibes

(📸: @90smallaesthetic )

[dannystattoo]

Not to brag, but honestly I think @90smallaesthetic and I achieved peak friendship goals today by not only going to get our vaccines together, but being able to sit together and talk while getting our vaccines so we can do fun things in 2 weeks