#sam & dean + the smart choice and the heart choice

[zepskies]

Hey loved your Sam having a crush on Dean's gf! I was wondering if I could request the flipped version where Dean has a crush on Sam's gf 😏😏

Oh my God, hun! 🫢

The way I didn't even contemplate this!! But it's so delicious...

(And thank you for reading that Dean imagine! It was angsty, but oh so fun. 😘)

See this imagine for context: You are Dean's one exception.

Word Count: 1,300

Imagine: Dean gives you an impossible choice.

Dean hates this. He hates it more than anything.

He hates the look of you, all soft curves and smiles that brighten your eyes. Your hair looks even softer.

(He wants to tangle his fingers in it, tight, until your voice echoes in his ear.)

He hates that you bake cookies on Saturdays. (He also hates that you're learning how to make pies, just because he mentioned off-handedly that you should try. If your snickerdoodles are this good, he can only imagine what you could do with some cherry filling.)

He hates that you greet him, every morning, without fail, with a hand on his shoulder and asking how he's slept. (Even better if you'd joined me, he thinks.)

And then his mind gets truly creative, imagining all the ways he could make you lose sleep. All the ways his hands and tongue could get creative, tracing the contours of your body.

He hates all of that too.

But what he hates most of all?

That you're Sammy's girl.

Sam's known you longer, since college. The two of you reconnected after the second apocalypse diverted. Or was it the third one? Dean's lost count at this point.

So you're smart. Sam studied Latin, but you studied Greek and Spanish, and even symbology. You consider yourself a linguist -- a fact that had Dean grinning from the moment he met you...

But as many times as he made you blush and smile with his charm and a well-placed joke, it was Sam who hooked you with one of his dimpled smiles and asking you for help on a case.

You'd agreed, for him. The two of you bonded over your nerddom, with heads bowed over ancient texts and shared personal history, and Dean tried not to feel like an outsider.

And yet, even when you fell for his brother. Even when you moved into the bunker, taking up his counter space with your ridiculous baking appliances. Even when you doted and touched and kissed and promised Sam more with your eyes, Dean couldn't shake the feeling that he'd missed his chance.

So Dean backed off. He made excuses not to be around you and Sam when it got too much for him. Had to ignore the way his stomach churned (and maybe his heart clenched too).

...Until his chance comes. He sees it.

He's also a bit drunk.

"Aw, Dean. You okay?" you ask, picking up a large, empty bottle of whiskey by his hand, which still holds a fifth of a glass.

"Oh, I'm good," he replies, raising his brows with a smile. "I'm real good."

You snort with a laugh. He smirks at the sound; he would never admit it, but a small part inside him always swells with warmth when he makes you laugh.

You bring him a glass of water with just a few cubes of ice. You know he doesn't like it packed to the top. "Drink this."

"What's the magic word?" Dean teases, even as you take the glass tumbler out of his hand.

You then sit next to him at the kitchen table and offer him a wry smile, resting your chin in your hand while your elbow rests on the table. "Please, will you hydrate yourself?"

"Already did," Dean remarks.

"Dean," you say, more seriously gesturing to the water. "Please."

He hesitates. But seeing your face, he finally rolls his eyes and dutifully sips at the tall glass of water.

You reach out for his shoulder. His inebriated gaze is drawn to your hand, the smooth skin of your arm, and back to your face that shows soft concern.

"You don't drink like this unless something's on your mind," you say.

Dean falters. When did you get to know him so well?

"What, a man can't drink alone anymore?" he says wryly.

"He can, but he's gonna have to spill his guts sooner or later," you smirk. Dean grimaces at the image. Suddenly the Jameson sloshing around in his gut doesn't feel all that nice. But the longer he looks at you, the worse he feels.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know," he says. He gestures, with the hand that holds his glass, up at his head. "'S not for newcomers."

"Yeah, but I'm not a newcomer, am I?" you quip.

Dean can't help it. He stares at your face. Your damn perfect face. Perfect for him.

His heart clenches with the pain of guilt. With thoughts he shouldn't have. How he'd rather slit his own wrists than hurt his little brother. Not like this, for fuck's sake.

But Dean's got a problem. It's eating him down to the bone.

He wants you. He really wants you. More than he's wanted anything in so long...

"You really wanna know?" Dean asks. His voice is both a rumble and a coarse whisper. His green-eyed gaze falls to your lips.

For your part, you suck in a subtle breath. Your eyes widen, and your body's frozen, suspended in time.

You stare back at Dean's handsome face, overgrown with stubble, like he’s forgotten to shave. And you finally know what he's been hiding for the past few months. Why he sometimes ducks out when it's supposed to be the three of you, hanging out, watching a movie, sharing a pizza, being friends and family all at once.

You sometimes thought Dean had something against you, no matter how many times Sam has said, "That's not it." With one of those pensive looks on his face.

Like he knows something you don't, and just doesn't want to speak it into existence.

But then, Sam would distract you with his hand stroking your cheek. A kiss to your lips, sweet, but with urgency. You like that about Sam. You even love that about him -- how he can be both kind and considerate, but passionate in his affections.

But now, you stare at the eldest Winchester's face. You don't even know what you're thinking.

Dean sees you fidget, and has a feeling that you’re blushing.

He leans in, slowly. He’s mere inches away from finding out how sweet you really are.

He hears your shallow breath. His eyes flick up to yours, briefly capturing you again. You smell whiskey on him, but it doesn't completely drown out his cologne. His Deanness.

You can feel your face heating up further, down to your neck. What the fuck is happening right now?

"Tell me no," Dean says. Tell me to stop, or I swear to God...

"Dean, what..." you whisper. But that's not a no.

Still, he can't. He just can't do it. Not to Sam.

Dean just reaches out with a hand to soothe a gentle thumb across your cheek. He realizes then that he loves you. He loves you enough to let you go, if he has to.

"It comes down to this," Dean says. His voice is deep, full of grit and desire. You can see it in his eyes. He sees the conflict in yours.

He swallows. His heart is pounding against his ribcage, but he uses every ounce of self-restraint he has left, forcing his hand to fall away from your cheek.

"You've got two choices, sweetheart," he says. And he pulls away, leaving you there at the table.

Dean doesn't know it, but your heart is about to burst just like his. What the hell! How could he do that? Why...

But you realize then, holding a hand to your wildly beating, guilt-ridden, confused heart.

You never told him no.

AN: I love Sam, don't get me wrong. But because I'm unequivocally a Dean girl, I had to leave it a bit ambiguous. 😏

Read the Sequel!

Here's the requested sequel to this, in which you have to make a choice (contains both Sam and Dean endings):

Imagine: Choosing him.

Dean Winchester Imagines

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

DW Tag List:

@hobby27 @this-is-me19 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesdeanvessel @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @ades106 @emily-winchester @deans-baby-momma @melancholictearz @luvs4dria @nic-kolas @katherineann83 @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @tipthejar @ajjustice @thewritersaddictions @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @adoringanakin

@theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @mrshalverson2021 @iprobablyshipit91 @agalliasi @venicesem @waters-2567 @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @mimaria420 @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @ultrahviolentart @beskarfilms @skyesthebomb @deans-spinster-witch @tmb510 @iamsapphine @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @chernayawidow @syrma-sensei @fabimaou @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373

[gilverrwrites]

Their Perfect Date [Human Edition]

Rating: General

Angel Edition | Demon Edition

Please remember: good days are ahead of you.

Adam

Brings you a small bouquet of flowers.

He’s paying for the date (at least the first date), it's just how his mom raised him.

Defo the movie and a meal type.

Some kind of historical drama or action comedy.

Slushy with 2 straws, and the classic yawn and stretch into putting his arm around you.

If all else goes to crap, you can at least talk about the movie during dinner.

Dinner being pizza/burgers from the closest table service fast food place.

Charlie

No gift, actually, it's your job to bring a selection of snacks. (She will also be providing a selection of her own favourite goodies.)

Chips/crisps, candy, pizza.

Bring caffeine too because it's gonna be an all-nighter.

It’s a gaming sleepover – think RE6, overcooked, Mario Kart, Wolfenstein ET, or whatever multiplayer games you’re into.

All on her couch in your hand-made blanket fort, until you both crash, or find another, more intimate activity.

Dean

Won't bring you a gift but will pay for at least the first round of drinks.

Gotta be some unknown dive bar with 50 beers on tap, barrels for tables, greasy food, and a classic rock tribute band that goes hard.

Tasty food, good music, stunning company, what more could a man want.

Also, a pool/foos/hockey tables are a must.

Spend the night drinking, dancing, and kicking his ass at your game of choice.

Bonus points if cook him breakfast in the morning.

Ketch

Would gift you wine(/some kind of alcohol), the fancy kind that’s hard to pronounce. Or if you’re not a drinker, probably a box of chocolate (Fortnum & Mason or a similarly high-end brand).

The date itself, something active but competitive.

Axe throwing, paintball, maybe even go-karting or dirt biking.

Wants to show off for you.

If you struggle to keep up, he’ll give you pointers, help you improve, but won’t pretend to be bad/let you win.

If you’re genuinely good, even good enough to beat him… *heart-eyes*

Sam

I actually think he would really enjoy going to a museum or gallery.

He’s a smart guy, and he loves to learn, but so often it's under s time constraint, or it's specific. 

But on a date, he gets to not only spend time with the person he loves

But he’s able to slowly, casually explore the museum, observing, and learning about each piece without it being for a case.

If you’re the kinda person that always carries a bag, he’d hold it for you all the way through, and hold your hand.

You’re gonna stop and look at everything he wants to look at, and he’s gonna do the same for you.

Heart eyes when you start dragging his mammoth height through the crowds when you get excited to see something.

Debrief and refresh afterwards at the closest café, where you can both gush about your favourite parts.

[apocalypseornaw]

Love You Better (Pt 4/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Dean finally sees what him pulling away has done to you.

Warnings: cursing, mention of sex?

A/N : next part is the finale and nothing but smut and fluff. Just FYI

You'd already talked to Sam and to Charlie, whatever was going on with Dean wasn't anything to do with the poison from the Djinn. With no other option you decided to call Jax.

You were in the library, your feet pulled under you in a chair as you talked to him on the phone. "Did anything else happen? He's still acting off and it's worrying me. If something happens to him...I don't know what I'd do Jax" "Nothing besides the Djinn, what's going on if you don't mind me asking?" You let out a breath unsure if you should be talking to your ex about your relationship problems. "He's just not acting like Dean should"

Jax as always seemed to know when to stop pushing because he simply said "Y/N, you love Dean don't you?" You closed your eyes because Dean didn't even know that yet and you didn't want to admit it to Jax. At your silence he chuckled "The way you look at him is your tell honey" you laughed lightly "Ok so you already know the answer to the question so why ask it?"

He tsk tsked then said "Easy killer. I'm just saying I've known you for years. You love Dean and from the way he looks at you he loves you. Do what you do best, dig your heels in and fight. Tell him how you feel and maybe then when your cards are out and on the table he'll let you in about whatever he's dealing with" you laughed more from shock of Jax saying something so deep than anything before asking "When did you get so smart" you could hear the grin in his voice before he said "Oh come on now we all have our moments"

He had to go after that because Alicia and Max got to his place so he had to help them. You sat staring at the phone, trying to form a gameplan on how to talk to Dean.

Dean stood under the hot water feeling it beat his sore muscles into submission. Every inch of his body was tense. He wasn't sleeping well and days weren't better. A flash of the sounds you made with Jax went through his mind but this time it was replaced by an image you under him instead. He could nearly feel your fingernails cutting into his shoulders, hear you moan his name.

What was he doing letting some Djinn dream come between you? Yeah he was worried that maybe you'd end up deciding you wanted more than him, that you'd tuck tail and run but he was also taking that choice away from you by not talking to you.

He may not have the business like Jax or the house or even halfway mental stability but he loved you. With every ounce of his being he fucking loved you. He'd fight heaven and hell to earn you another day living. He knew every inch of your body better than any other man you'd ever been with. He knew how to make you fall apart time and again, how to bring you higher than any other lover ever had. You were his dammit and if he lost you it wouldn't be because he hadn't tried to keep you.

--------------

Once he was dried he just slipped on boxers and sleep pants before going in search of you. Enough was enough he could concentrate on the real world, who's name you were really moaning and who you were really underneath. He could show you that he could love you better and he could prove it.

When he got to your shared bedroom he expected to find you waiting on him, maybe reading or listening to music but when he opened the door instead he found the room empty. Shit.

His heart dropped to his stomach. Where were you? You'd said you were going to bed. He knew your favorites rooms were the library, the TV room or the shooting range. Your gun was on the dresser and your favorite blanket was on the bed so that marked off the TV room or the shooting range. Library it was.

When he started to walk past the kitchen he saw the light was on so he stopped wondering if it was you or Sam then he heard a sound that shattered his heart, you sniffling. He eased to the door and found you sitting at the table, your favorite mug that had little black cats all over it in front of you.

You were staring blankly into the cup and apparently hadn't heard him come in. God, had he done this? Had he gotten so lost in his own head he hadn't realized what it was going to you? "Sweetheart?"

-------------

You'd been laying in bed, thinking about how to start the conversation with Dean but no matter how it went in your head that little voice always managed to interfere. The little voice that said "Lisa never made him doubt his feelings" "He's never had no problems fucking one night stands" "Dean's a man who knows what he wants and apparently that's not you"

When tears threatened to come you threw the blankets off and quickly left the room. Your feet found you in the kitchen in front of the cabinet that held the bourbon. You knew that wasn't a good idea so instead you went for some tea Alicia had sent you. It was supposed to help you calm down.

----------

You'd tried to fight off the what ifs the entire time you made the cup but once you sat down at the table they all came crashing down. This wasn't like you, you didn't cry easy but this distance with Dean? It was slowly ripping your heart out. You'd never felt about anyone the way you felt about Dean.

You saw tears hit the surface of the tea and hadn't even realized you were crying yet. You sniffled, trying to remain as quiet as possible in case Sam got up. You hadn't heard anyone in the hall so when Dean's voice hit your ears you jumped hard enough you nearly spilled the tea "Dean?"

----------

Dean walked over to the table, standing about a foot from you so you turned to look up at him "What's wrong Y/N?" You let out a watery laugh as more tears started to fall "You tell me Dean. What is wrong? I've tried now for two weeks to get you to talk to me, to kiss me, to touch me but I keep getting turned down. I love you and I don't even feel like that's enough"

His heart flipped hearing those words come from you. You loved him? Your eyes were cast downward refusing to meet his "I've never felt like this for someone Dean" he crossed the space between you kneeling in front of where you sat. He reached out to touch your face gently, tilting it up so you had to meet his eyes. He used his thumb to wipe the tears away "Y/N..." he trailed off at the look in your eyes. Every word he had was swallowed by the overwhelming urge to kiss you, to show you just how much he craved you, needed you.

---------

The moment his lips met yours you melted against him. A small sob escaped you and he swallowed it hungrily as your hands slid up around his neck, fingers tangling in the short hair there. One hand was at your neck holding your head in place while the other found your hip pulling you almost off the chair and into his lap, when you pulled away to catch your breath he moved to your neck kissing every inch of flesh his mouth could find "I love you" he spoke against your skin repeating it like a prayer.

You pulled back to look at him and god that look, he'd do anything you asked of him as long as you looked at him like that. "You do?" You asked and the uncertainty in your voice hurt him to his core. He nodded pulling you back into another kiss before saying "We'll talk later but for now please sweetheart let me make it up to you, let me show you just how much I want you. Please"

You couldn't help the whimper that escaped you. Dean Winchester was on his knees telling you that he loved you and begging you to let him show you just how much. "Take me to our room Dean" was all it took and he was pulling you to your feet, crashing his lips against yours in a kiss that made your head swim and heat flood between your thighs. Fuck, you'd missed him.

@marimarvelfan @suckitands33 @sushiumex @janineb86 @nix-rose @ladysparkles78 @globetrotter28 @holdingontil-may @freewastelandstrawberry @jackles010378 @stillhere197 @cat-loves-music @marvelfanfn2187a113 @that1nerd-20 @foxyjwls007 @5tud10-54r4h @tas898

[wellofdean]

Today’s debate going on in your asks is really making me feel validated. I have always read Dean as bisexual, even the very first time I watched the show in 2011? 12? It was so important to me as a, at that time, closeted bisexual myself. Because as you said, bisexuals can “play it straight.” We often need to so that we’re not attacked by straights and the LGBT+ community alike for “pretending” to “actually” swing one way or the other. Dean, of course, felt attacked by a completely different community, the straight, heavily macho hunter community, but both the text and subtext was clearly there.

Coming from a family that does not accept queerness of any kind, I completely identified with Dean and his, as Sam called out, over-compensating, his overwhelming demonstration of masculinity, his softness with children and women who did not display matching overwhelming femininity, his blustering when teased about such things. Dean also had to constantly defend himself in other respects. In his here-and-there school days, for example, he fought with others about how his dad was a hero, how he wasn’t a freak. Additionally, Sam was and always would be his first priority. His happiness and personal feelings were never not on the back burner. Sam came first. The mission came second. The victims third. His own health and wellness was so buried on the ladder of priorities it may as well have been the unnoticed rusty nail on a random rung.

All of which coincides with my high school experience. School came first. Then my part-time job. Then building friendships and pursuing that teenage “normalcy.” Then maintaining/appeasing family… Who cared about my personal inclinations? I certainly didn’t haven’t time to. Besides, that’s what your twenties are for, when you have the time, freedom, and maturity to explore while making smart, cautious choices while entering new communities and relationships.

Dean, however, didn’t have that time, freedom, or maturity. Yes, he grew up too hard too fast, but in a way that skipped over the development of interpersonal skills. He went straight from 5 to 45 under the ever-present, threatening and abusive command of his homophobic father. There was no other possible outcome for him other than a deeply closeted bisexual. And it’s always present, in his flirting with cops like the “Blue Steel” mugshot, in his dynamic with Victor Henriksen, in his flirting for Charlie, in his “gay thing” with Aaron (was that his name? It’s been a while).

Jensen plays Dean so, so well with so much depth and understanding and nuance. And at this point, the fandom at large just frustrates me (rather than infuriates as it did ten years ago when I was far more invested) in its denial and/or debate regarding his bisexuality because to me it’s perfectly clear.

Thanks for this ask, and from one invisible bisexual to another, I feel you. The story means a lot to me, too, and for similar reasons. I really relate to Dean in a lot of ways, and it makes me so sad when people say it's queerbaiting and homophobic, because I think not understanding your own heart, living for years outside of your own truth, and not getting over your bullshit until it's too late and having to live with the grief of that are quintessential bi experiences for A LOT of people. Dean makes me feel seen, and I wish such huge swathes of the fandom would just...watch it again and see that it's deeply queer -- it's just not the story they told themselves in their own heads.

[monstermoviedean]

"the heart choice" vs. "the smart choice" feels like a really appropriate dichotomy for sam. it's a false dichotomy, of course. heart choices can be smart choices. smart choices can be bad choices. but yeah, i can see how sam thinks that he can always make the smart choice if he tries to be as logical and unemotional as possible. i can also see how this makes him think about dean.

[ananke-xiii]

Another dream, always mine (and yes it's still spn s13 related because i have a bone to pick with dabb over that season specifically)

So here it goes. (Part 1)

Spn s13 but kelly doesn't die, cas doesn't die, crowley doesn't die. Lucifer dies for *reasons* but mary, dean and sam are stuck in the AU.

It's still spn so we just have to have mirrors and parallels, okay? Like, this show doesn't care about continuity but damn! They will stick to mirrors and parallels like it's a religion and so we do too.

The thing is that the AU is not the lame-ass AU Dabb or whoever came up with, it's at least an attempt at being an interesting place. So basically the AU is as boring and dumb as our earth, nothing has really changed, people are still trapped in the rat race that capitalism is (see, we have a little bit of critique here too, there is no escape from the capitalist-fascist-heteronormative narrative or isn't it?), the frigging white picket fences are still everywhere like a fucking nightmare BUT! This is an earth without monsters, angels, demons, nothing goes bump in the night but depression, paranoia and suicidal thoughts (now these are the real monsters) and YET this is THE chance for our heroes, this is the promised land, no past, only freedom, the american dream is theirs to grab (but don't worry this place hides a secret, this is still spn everything must be queer, you'll see). Sam, dean and mary are kinda lost cause, surprise surprise! It turns out that's not the things you want that you can't have but that you didn't know what you wanted so how could you have it in the first place? Mary is restless, this was supposed to be her dream, she died for it and now she doesn't want it and she goes through another deep existential crisis (and, really, we all just get mary because seriously? any character named mary who's also a mother has too much fucking weight on her shoulder, just let the woman be). Sam is kinda okay with it, he once again refuses to get in touch with his emotions and flees from them like the plague: they're gonna make it work, they will find a way (i want to convey ross from friends vibes when he's like *in a squeaky voice* i'm fine! Here, that's sam in the AU). The guy lives in his delusion, this is his chance at being normal (and oh boy is he wrong, you'll see). Dean feels just bad, he's supposed to feel happy with his mother and his brother/son (the weird implications of this situation will be explored) but he keeps thinking about that little house by the sea (or was it a lake?) that cas bought as fucking jimmy novak and how the angel spent months there with kelly playing daddy and how the fucking angel played him and dean just went along and repaired his stupid truck as if to thank him for breaking his heart but also, also, dean will never admit it to anyone ever but deep down he knows, he knows, that that was his place, his angel, his chance (we will also have an explorations into the complex theme of mpreg with the due "Junior" references we all deserve and insights into dean's maternal insticts).

Now back to earth.

Kelly gives birth to a baby jack, cas lives with them to protect them from the angels and demons that will sure come for a visit (but once again he will end up being a total agent of chaos, you'll see), the angel is a bit of a mess, though, and his obsession with saving dean winchester is finally making kelly feel quite concerned with her life choices, maybe trusting this guy was a little bit insane, was he always this deranged? (We'll soon see why she thinks that, she might have a point). Meanwhile crowley goes back to hell and we once again have a cheap game of thrones situation (because why not? i can't come up with infinite original ideas to fix this plot, okay? Also this is still spn, i can condone SOME cheap storylines on the side, and anyway mark sheppard makes anything work so we're good) where his varys-like smart brain cells will put him on the throne again (who's this asmodeus guy anyway, prince of hell or not, fuck him, he will not stick around here for a second season while dagon died like after 2 episodes she was in, not gonna happened in my narrative). But, you see, the demon has his own issues, and goes visiting kelly and the angel because why not? He likes kelly she seems interesting enough for a person who birthed satan's son, escaped from a fucking angel of the lord, was kidnapped by a goddamn prince of hell, managed to baby trap said angel of the lord, stole the frigging impala and escaped that menace that the winchesters are. She then proceeded to give birth knowing she might have died. She is something. Something a bit unhinged maybe but crowley digs her, okay? He still also has varys-like smart brain cells so he needs to visit to make sure that baby lucifer is, like, not plotting to take over hell or whatever newborn babies half-made from cosmic entities do these days. Also, also, watching castiel putting baby jack to sleep with those big strong angel gym-bro arms did something to him, his daddy fetish and his mommy issues raised their head and something else too, and he foolishly promises to keep jack safe from hellish attacks and indulges castiel in his winchester obsession. What? He misses the brothers too, those handsome, tall, cruel white boys (we are reminded that, visually, the whole cas/kelly/jack situation is quite similar to the weird crowley/dean/amara thing of s11, mirrors and parallels need to keep happening people, this is spn, we gott have 'em). Castiel is living his tragic destiny yet again, he's seen the AU, has been there, technically knows that dean, sam and mary are safe but he just has to see it for himself, right? Like he has to make sure, it's not like dean not being there is eating him from the inside, it's not like he starts feeling the pang of guilt over the huge betrayal he's forced onto dean,leaving him left behind again and again and playing him that way, no. He copes by sitting in his stupid truck that dean had repaired listening to that damn tape (every time he does that we have a close-up of kelly watching the pathetic scene from her window and sighing as if in "fuck, FUCK, my life"). And oh, yes he also starts researching about archangel resurrection because i may or may not bring back my girls, aka raphael and uriel but this is for part 2, you'll see.

[angelsdean]

So like i said before, Dean is working through his own conflict regarding John's dying words throughout 2x09 Croatoan. Dean is all talk when it comes to killing Duane. He's callous with Sam, telling him they can't take a chance when Sam protests that they don't know for sure if Duane is infected. Dean's again trying not to let his bleeding heart get involved in the decision. Don't make the heart choice, make the smart choice. That's what Dean's trying to get himself to do, what he knows John expects him to do eventually when it comes down to Sam.

But the thing is, when it comes down to it, when he has his gun pointed at Duane ready to shoot, he can't go through with it. His heart wins out. He cares too much! And he can't in good conscience kill the guy when he could be innocent. It's what he would want others to do for Sam and we immediately see that when Sam gets attacked by the nurse and is assumed to be infected. Dean lays down the law that nobody is going to be shooting Sam and he's hoping for a miracle, trying to buy time, before eventually sending the others off so that he can stay with Sam.

And this is Dean's worst nightmare come to life, the thing he's been hoping he'd never have to face, ever since John whispered those words in his ear. Dean's been trying to protect Sam, believing that he'll find a way to make sure Sam never "goes darkside" so he'll never have to be put in this situation. But he never contended for a virus. And now his brother may turn and no matter how much he tried following John's code, no matter how much he talked about killing the monsters, shoot first, keep your heart out of it, etc etc he still couldn't do it when it was a stranger and he definitely can't do it to his brother.

And when they're locked in the room together he tells Sam how tired he is of this job and this life and specifically the weight on his shoulders. Sam assumes he's talking about John, about the grief, but Dean is quick to correct him, it's not about that, at least not all of it. They get interrupted but then come back to this thread at the end of the episode and the weight on his shoulders, the thing that for 9 episodes now has been an undercurrent eating at him, is what John told him before he died. That's what all his behavior lately has been about, all the stuff Sam thinks is him "not acting like himself" comes down to the fact that Dean's been struggling with this impossible task. Save or kill your brother? How could John ask that of him?

He's also now casting doubt on John and everything he was taught, everything he's ever known. He questions John's ethics. He starts to become more vocal in his criticism of his father throughout the season. John asking him to potentially kill his brother, who Dean was tasked to protect from a young age essentially fusing his own sense of self and worth with the idea of being his brother's caretaker and protector, to then be told you may have to kill him completely shatters Dean. And we see him try to think in John's black and white callous ways in this episode. But ultimately when put in the exact situation John warned--Sam on the brink of "turning" and either find a way to save him or kill him--Dean couldn't bear to kill him. Couldn't even kill a stranger in a similar limbo-state. The heart choice will always prevail.

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Are there any characters that think would've improved the show by being included in TFW or TFW 2.0?

Rowena is a character I would have loved to see interact more with TFW/2.0. I agree with Mark S. that the character arc with Crowley was not well set up. I think they would have been more fun as ex-lovers. She has a great... I don't know how to describe it, sensual energy? The way she flirts with all of TFW, but it's not serious, and it's clear she's also doing it as a power move.

Some of my all-time favorite scenes in Supernatural involve her. I love it when she has the heart to heart with Dean in Regarding Dean. It's a scene where she reveals a lot of herself, but we also see more of Dean. It's a great episode where the characters are peeled back and we see into the heart of who they would be without the world of hunting making them so cold. Both she and Dean are stripped of their defenses. Dean not by his choice, but the fact that Dean has his guard down, allows her to put hers down.

In Various and Sundry, she has that amazing scene with Sam where they talk about Lucifer, and later they have that scene where she's asking for the page, and Sam's hesitating to give it to her before he finally gives it to her.

As with the Dean scene, she's revealing herself to be vulnerable in a way she hadn't before. How she connects to Sam and Sam's trauma in that scene is just so powerful. There was a lot of debate in the fandom at the time if she was lying or not. Dean thought that Sam was being played by Rowena, and a lot of people in the fandom felt the same. Maybe it's just because I love her character so much, but I really, really believed her in that moment when I was watching the show. It was just so well acted, executed, and it's one of the reasons why S13 is one of my favorite seasons.

That scene where he gives her the page is a scene of Sam believing in people, trusting in people that, based on past history, he really ought not to trust, but Rowena came through for him because he came through for her.

There's so many great other scenes I could give as examples, but those two are just some of my favorite all-time scenes in the show.

It's not exactly the same as with the Sam and Dean scenes, but I love how much Rowena flirts with Castiel, especially when she's talking by phone. According to Ruth, she ad-libbed a lot of the flirting, and I would have loved to see Castiel and Rowena solve the case together.

She had a way to knock Castiel off his guard, I think that was one of the fun things about their relationship.

I think one of the things that Supernatural does really well is to take these powerful characters and show their vulnerability. It's one of the things that attracts me to the show, especially seeing these strong, capable, smart, characters struggle with their fears and insecurities.

I love how feminine she is while being strong, and I think it's just so fun to put her in situations where she's using her femininity to be powerful.

[thegoldfinchhh]

it’s dean insisting on saving cas’ vessel and finding lucifer a new one for me

followed closely by sam saying ‘dean this is exactly how we always screw ourselves, making the HEART CHOICE instead of the smart one’

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 22

We're at the Season 1 penultimate episode for both of these series (and I guess the next Sherlock episode I watch is ALSO the Season 1 penultimate episode, but like...that's a three episode season. We won't even SEE Jim til almost March :( )

"Salvation"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: If the first five minutes are just sitting through a recap of the last 20 episodes? I can survive sitting through that (but I won't be happy about it). Nevermind, seems like we're getting a real first five minutes. Know what? I'd let Meg kill me. If she's gonna do it anyway, might as well make it my choice or something.

I relish Winchester infighting. There's been so much of it this season and it's so good even if a little pointless. And now there's three to fight with each other??

What a wonderful name for a midwest town to wrap this season up in: Salvation, Iowa. Damn.

So, I think I'd be more...invested in this whole "Pastor Jim is dead and that's hitting too close to home for the Winchesters" if, you know, the first time we met him it wasn't when Meg slashed his throat open.

It's kind of convenient that Sam has psychic visions at just the right times.

I'm. No. SIR! NO. Disrespectfully, no. You fucking DISAPPEARED, you don't get to tell Dean that if something weird starts happening with Sam, that you need to be told IMMEDIATELY. Fuck that noise. Stop it. Do not make me laugh. I'll fucking do it.

I paused before Dean got his say in, and OH MAN. YES, Dean!!! Nah, bitch, you don't get to abandon your kids and OCCASIONALLY leave cryptic messages, but then tell them you don't like the tone they're taking with you. Nu uh.

Oh. Okay. Her picking off John's friends one by one is, frankly, delicious. I should not be this attracted to her right now. I really do just love when villains

I...am truly heartbroken over what John wants for his sons. He wants Sam to be able to go back to school, which is nice and fine. He should get to follow his dreams. But then he says "I want Dean to have a home." And that's one of those moments you realize how much Dean has lacked for so much of his life. Sam had Stanford for all the time he was there, and he would have likely had a settled life, but DEAN? (I'm shifting into my "Being Broken Hearted Dean and Touya At the Same Time For Similar Reasons" mode)

I *DON'T* like the boys (*coughsamcough*) trying to say good bye "in case something happens," even if I do get it.

John IS smart though. Smart even if he's reckless. The boys, a little less so. Or the father of the family they're trying to protect is also...very protective, as he should be. Two guys in their mid-twenties just broke into their house in the middle of the night. Usually, they build a better rapport with whomever they're trying to save. Guess they didn't really have the time today.

Oh shit. Dean got that baby out not a moment too soon.

I mean, we had to know they weren't going to get the demon tonight.

Dean just doesn't want to lose the only two people he has, and those two people seem to be a-okay with just throwing their lives away, sacrificing themselves for this cause. I'm distraught.

"Been On My Mind...": No. And I didn't expect to with all plot that's happening

"Bad Wolf"

This is such a fun and weird way to enter the episode: the Doctor being sucked into some future form of the show Big Brother. And Rose is on The Weakest Link (does that even exist anymore?? Does it have actual new episodes on the Game Show Network or is it just reruns? Do they even have reruns of it anymore?)

You gotta love Jack's confidence "Ladies, your viewing figures just went up"

I think this bit would have been maybe funnier back in '06? Now it's just...I dunno. It's not hitting like it's probably supposed to. It's probably supposed to be a mix of funny and horrifying? But the whole Weakest Link part is now just horrifying....seventeen years later.

Don't tell me she gets vaporized too...wtf.

Finally. Some development.

(I feel bad because I remember liking this episode a lot more in the past.)

I shouldn't laugh because it's not actually funny (or it is in a grim way). But the actual news getting shut down and then governments collapsing because of that and the rise of all of these inane yet extremely dangerous game shows and reality tv shows...feels poignant for some reason.

Rose's disintegration doesn't hit as hard when you know she's not actually dead. Or at least she comes back.

I even SAW the daleks in the preview the other day and forgot they were coming back for this episode.

This episode was what would have been a lot of confusion in the first half (if this weren't a rewatch) and set up in the second half, so there wasn't a lot to say, sadly.

[scripted-downfall]

Season 11 anon here, I saw your ask post and take all the time you need, I understand people have lives away from the keyboard. This should be my last attack of thoughts for a minute, I just finished the imaginary friend episode and need a break, but I have thoughts that tie into my morals/values theory. More specifically, how Sam's apology to Sully came after Weems called him out on breaking Sully's heart, so bring up thoughts of only after he's confronted with the shame/guilt associated with others knowing. But another thing that struck me (and personally, I think Dean would hate this take) is how similar Dean and Sully are in how they interact with Sam (and possibly in general). Such as, taking blame on things that are Sam's fault and excusing Sam's behavior. Sully is constantly checking in on Sam's emotional state, Dean checks in on Sam a lot, after Jess, when he was seeing Lucifer every where etc. Sully's willingness to die if its what is "best for" the child. I'm also having conflicting feelings about Reese just getting away with murder, like on one hand it's "monster" murder and technically killing monsters is a positive for hunters, but also calling Zanna "monsters" seems like a stretch and the lack of consequence made the episode feel unresolved. Final thought, Sam's lack of suspicion about these visions is ridiculously stupid for the "smart" one. He is always on hell's side, not always by choice but still. If the visions were from God or heaven, it makes more sense for them to reach out to Dean (the righteous man, they sieged hell for him, Michael's sword, etc) vs Sam (one of Azazel's "children", referred to by heaven as an abomination, Lucifer's vessel). But also we know (and I think they know) that Lucifer can speak from the cage, as he did to Azazel. I'm mean I could be wrong and Sam is finally on the side of good, but the amount of time he mentioned visons and Lucifer together at he end of the episode like that can't be for nothing.

Hello again! And thanks for the ask!

I do think that your point about Sully --- and, specifically, Sam apologizing to Sully only after Weems pointed out Sam's bad behavior --- is a good one. I remember having a similar feeling, honestly, when I first watched it. And it ties back into the idea that Sam needs someone to point out good vs bad because he doesn't quite... get that. He needs the judgement of others as a benchmark for how far he's overstepped, a lot of the time.

Also, to be honest, I feel like the fact that Dean wouldn't appreciate the comparison to Sully --- which I feel is very on point, just btw --- might actually make that connection more convincing. After all, there's the fact that it's often the actions we carry out ourselves that annoy us most in others; additionally, Sam's shown a trend of leaving Dean behind, so having someone who treats Sam similarly --- I point out the... what was it, marshmallow nachos? are very similar to the story Dean tells about marshmallow macaroni and cheese --- is much more concerning to him than it would be in other situations. But you're definitely right; the way Dean checks in the Sam is very similar to the way Sully stays in-tune with him, the sacrificial side of their interactions is unfortunately similar, etc.

I get what you're saying about the Zanna and lack of consequences too... Like, I know that the episode itself --- and most if not all of the characters --- sat firmly in the territory of "the Zanna might be supernatural but they're not evil, don't deserve death, etc.", but Reese mostly getting away fine is still a bit iffy, to me. It was kind of an episode about forgiveness, though, so I supposed that was the point?

I don't know, btw, whether they know that Lucifer was speaking to Azazel from within the cage --- I think that was a flashback that only we saw? but I could be wrong --- but, regardless, I definitely agree. I remember having the same thoughts when I watched, and this time I have proof! I've reblogged the initial post with additions twice, but the third one is from s12, so it's got spoilers; the second, though, was after s11e09, which, I can see from your new ask, you've seen... the post + first reblog can be found here :)

Thank you again for the ask; until next time!

[liopleurodean]

Season 8, Episode 22: Clip Show

Seems nice

Whoa! That dude! Wendigo guy!

Not cool, lady

Poor guy

What's wrong with him?

Freaky

There's no way

Wow.

Meg! Obvious answer!

Yeah, Jager will do it

Cas!

Me too

Pfft, yeah

Dean cave!

Mm. Yeah

Demon-ness

Yeah, sure

Supply run!

I don't think Dean is pro-Cas right now

Right...

Ah. That'll do it

That's what you said with the Leviathans

Probably

Right

THX!!!!!! THATS A LUCASFILM REFERENCE ASDFGHJKL

Really?

Even for them?

Is this the dungeon?

IT IS

Kinky

A hidden dungeon

Dean.

An old film reel

A priest?

That's reassuring

Is this the night everything went wrong?

Whack

Cas is confused™

Okay, pretty normal...

That's different

I can kind of understand some of the Latin...

Weird indeed

Huh. Trials

Worth a shot

Yikes

It makes sense

Great question

Maybe only someone in the trials can do it

Abbadon?

Sam.

Not even close

Yeah...

Aw, Dean...

Cas.

Stock up on toilet paper

Cas!

Cas!! That's just rude!

Cas, no!

Did he have to call the dude out like that?

Marv?

Yeah

I always forget that Misha is actually pretty tall, because he's a midget compared to the boys

Eat food, Cas. Have a little chat

You have no idea

Oh boy

You're part of the problem

Oh, Cas

Extremely. Dysfunctional

Right...

Pow-wow

Subject change

Yikes

Poor guy

Demon blood. They're setting up the season 10 arc

How many doses?

It's working

There it is

Poor guy

Yup!

I'm willing to bet that the bunker dungeon is "consecrated ground"

Probably

Weird

Indeed

Cas.

That can happen?

Maybe

I don't think he can

Oh boy

Who is she?

What??? She's a nephilim?????

They also pronounce nephilim differently than I do

Hard choice

Right

Oh. Bad idea. Really bad idea

I feel like that wouldn't work?

Oh, that's weird

They are pretty, aren't they?

Probably not

Kinky

That's what went wrong.

Pfft. Crowley

You have no clue

Nope!

Absolutely not

Oh no

That's just weird

Thanks for that image

Thing!

Is she gonna?

Oh, ewwww

And crap

Nearly eight seasons ago!

Not exactly

I said it was a bad idea

Paints a nasty picture, doesn't it?

Prosperity? Which one was that?

Previous cases? But not in order

Oh yeah, the heart cupcakes!

Whoa!

He's reading the books

That's just horrible

I mean. True

They don't need the tablet

Yeah...

Who this time?

Sarah? Sarah Blake? The Sam love interest I actually liked from start to finish???

Great question

So she knows what she is

Cas...

The thing is, nephilim are powerful. Sometimes more so than angels

Does that work?

I guess

Nice place

In spray paint? Really?

She knows

T-minus two minutes

She's married.

Yeah, I guess

Aw

It's been years, Sam

Not much

Not even close

Really?

Yes! Thank you!

Hex bag?

Hex bag.

I hate to say it, but that's smart

That's the clue

Well, duh

You think this is getting to them?

More Firefly

Oh no...

Sam...

It was in the cell phone?

It's not the end

[shallowseeker]

I think we could also characterize this whole standoff i...as a choice between the HEAD/SMART choice (Chuck, DARK chess pieces, Sam side, left mantel), and the HEART choice (Becky side, LIGHT pieces, Dean side right mantel)

Becky Rosen-Baron, MIA.

Becky's "death" + Dean's side of the fireplace mantel

Becky loses her husband, then her "junior" and daughter...and then she herself dies. Just like Dean.

///

The two sides of the mantel:

Ahh, the mantel, nestled as the hearth of home. Hearths are associated with home and family because the hearth was historically the main source of heat in the home, as well as where the cooking was done.

The left side is Chuck's side, black chess pieces. Sam is driving the car with TFW safely confined to the roadhouse at the end. The monster hand is pointed away from Sam.

The right is Becky's side: white pieces, glass half-fall.

It's also Dean's side, with Dean driving the car and heading towards Cas and "mini Cas," plus a family portrait showing what Cas and "mini Cas" are to Dean. The monster's hand is reaching for Dean's side, as Dean-action-hero figure frantically fights against it.

Awww. the cute little family picture with Rod Baron, Rod Jr, their daughter, and Becky Rosen, which also foreshadows the order of the losses (hub dies first in the form of Cas and finale-dad).

This is right next to...Dean in a car, Cas, and a "mini Cas." (Becky doesn't know about Jack.)

///

Other suspicious details: Dean prime is in the car driving towards Cas in front of a reddish Hellscape.

Alternatively, the photo behind Cas bears some resemblance to a blossom, like the Leviathan blossom he was searching for, crazed, as he rushed through the lands of Purgatory on the verge of losing Cas. They even look like they could be two blossoms straining towards one another. Who knows? It could be a famous fanart I'm just not familiar with.

Anyhoo, both Cas and "junior/little" Cas are turned away from Dean.

This is a nod to Dean...without? Bereft. A la The Winchesters companion series. Here's Dean's ending. Limbo. Wandering. Searching for a happy family he doesn't have.

///

If the more-discussed left side was Sam's ending, then the less-discussed right side is Dean in The Winchesters. It's the head side versus the heart side.

And the heart ending, which we sort of get from The Winchesters is a wandering, driving Dean, looking for this nebulous happiness he can't seem to find without Cas and..."mini Cas/Cas junior" Jack.

///

Becky was "doing great"

But Becky's life is so cute, y'all. That hub is adorbs.

ROD: "We'll be fine, babe...it's just Lake Michigan. Hardly any chop!"

Famous last words, Rod. You don't know that it's you who is going to mishandle that "Michigan chop."

Becky/Rod - But OMG can we just take a minute? They LIKE each other. They tease each other. They know the motion sickness comes from him, probably. And he knows she's gonna be nerding out during her relaxing weekend (that's part of the point of getting away--to let her have that time).

AAaaaaaahhhhhHHHHhhhhh.

Rod knows about Becky's writing and her superfan status (hard to miss in her office hehe) and loves her for it. And it's just so damn cute.

BECKY: Four hours in a boat? Rod, Junior gets seasick in the tub. ROD: Where would I be without you? BECKY: Covered in puke. [BECKY taps on the window.] Have fun, sweeties! JUNIOR: Thanks, Mom, we will. [ROD and BECKY kiss.] ROD: (fondly)Wow. Felt that. You can’t wait to have the house to yourself. BECKY: (flirtatiously) Oh, you have no idea.

///

Along comes Chuck, the metaphorical stop sign to Becky's life; her "off-screen murderer"

Chuck sees her big house and her van and her fam and notes sees that she's doing "great" for herself. She doesn't know it yet but he is the end of her life--he even appears in front of a stop sign!

BONUS: Becky's wearing the gray duster/caretaker warrior/hearth of house/"dead guy robe!"

Instinctively, she runs. See, even with their baggage, Becky's already got a bad feeling, "Well I don't need or want to see you."

So naturally, he worms his way in.

CHUCK: I’m sorry, I… I know we’re not together anymore, and it seems like you’re doing great. I just – I… I wanted to talk. Catch up. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. BECKY: That’s not my problem. [She turns to walk into the house.] CHUCK: Wait, Becky, please. I don’t have anywhere else to go.

So then, after denigrating her POV:

BECKY: I’m a writer, too, Chuck. CHUCK: Oh. I mean, fanfic… it’s not really the same thing… BECKY: Writing’s writing. The self-sabotage, the doubts, the struggle against time. So, whenever I have a spare minute, I write.

He steals.

///

He will wind up taking everything

First, he steals her rosy little laptop with her cute little rose decal-skin and the rose keyboard cover and he even puts on HER GLASSES:

///

Then, clever girl that she is, she fakes liking it to try to get him to leave! The LYING motif. "It's so good! I loved it....it's so good I'd love to get back to my own work."

CHUCK: "No...no no. You're shining me on. ...Come on, one note."

Then Becky makes her fatal misstep

She gives concrit, which is what Chuck said he wanted but not what he actually wanted. Just look at this face. Becky's starting to feel that...wrongness.

Something's off.

It's the same subtle change--that same whiplash we saw when he cruelly turned on Metatron in the diner.

After he writes his hopeless ending on her computer, and she lets her criticism rip. He sadistically enjoys her discomfort. He's sticking it to her, with her love of laundry and conversations and banter, which will appear in the terrible finale. Then, he says this:

[BECKY walks but turns to CHUCK.] BECKY: You have to leave. CHUCK: Nah, I kinda like it here.

He took a crap on her computer, wore her glasses, sat in her seat...now he's taking her office. Her house.

///

Chuck takes all

[ROD enters the living room.] ROD: Babe, you wouldn’t believe what happened.

JJLKgj! Aw, Rod. He cannot wait to tell her that he's the one that wound up puking. KJALGJAGH get you a man like that!

Then he kills Rod right in front of her.

[BECKY looks at CHUCK.] BECKY: Please. ROD: Junior was fine, but I puked everywhere. [ROD walks in and sees CHUCK. He looks at BECKY, confused.] ROD: Babe? CHUCK: Hey. [CHUCK snaps his fingers. ROD disappears in a puff of dust.] BECKY: (screams) Rod?! What happened? Where is he? CHUCK: He’s gone. BECKY: What?!

Her children enter next; we can only hear them off-screen. Rod Jr. can't wait to tell her about the puke incident either. They just know she'll love it.

Chuck will take Rod right in front of Becky's eyes, but her children will die off-screen. "Away."

[ROD JR. enters.] ROD JR.: Hey, mom! We’re back! Dad got sick! He threw up all over the side – [CHUCK snaps his fingers again. The kids disappear.] BECKY: (gasping for air, on a whisper) No! (shudders) The kids. CHUCK: Oh, don’t worry. They’re not dead. They’re just away. [BECKY turns back to CHUCK.] CHUCK: Oh, yeah. I’m God. [BECKY looks horrified.] BECKY: What are you… No. You bring them back. You bring them back! [CHUCK smiles.] BECKY: Please…you can’t do this.

It echoes both Dean pleading with God in 13x01, "Now, you're gonna bring them back," and his 15x18 "Don't do this, Cas." Yeup. Becky is now bereft. Without. Rod's gone, like Cas will soon be gone.

CHUCK: Oh, Becky. I can do anything. [CHUCK steps closer to BECKY. He snaps his fingers. She disappears in a puff of dust.]

Becky faces him defiantly but quickly unravels into grief. "You bring them back...please."

And then he kills Becky.

And here we have these "withouts" culminating. The fun motifs about having the house to yourself end with a cheeky disappearance of the things Becky loves the most. It's cruel. She'd been trying to help Chuck, and he did not show the slightest glimmer of gratitude once her "fluffing" ceased.

And then she herself is gone.

///

It makes you think of this too from 15x18:

DEAN: "She's gonna kill you. And then she's gonna kill me."

///

Girls named Becky take things and break things?

In 13x01, the angel Miram ranted and raved about the specter-like example of a "super bitch named Becky."

This Becky would "take things and break things."

But the funny thing is...here? As Chuck settles into her office and takes her house…

He's the one taking and breaking. He stole everything from her the same way he tried to wrap himself up in Dean's gray MoL robe.

Just 'cause he can.

[dean-mikaelson]

Hello, Dean. [Silver stake through the heart, that ought to do the trick. And that's love? Actually, love can get crazier than that.] I'm not exactly a believer. You will be son, you will be. [Part of me always believed that you'd come back.] Angels are watching over you. [I'll watch over you.] I'm not gonna believe this thing is an angel just because it said so. [It's not an it Sam, it's Cas.] I'm not one for praying, because in my book it's the same as begging. [I prayed to you Cas, every night.] Follow your heart. [We make the heart choice instead of the smart choice.] Don’t ever change. [You changed me, Dean.] You think I came because you called? [I always come when you call.] She only asked for one thing. [Dean, stop.] I left but you didn't stop me. [I should have stopped you.] Don't you think we owe him the benefit of a doubt? [You used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt.] You don't think you deserve to be saved. [He saved me.] We've lost everything, and now you're gonna bring him back. [You got to put everything back the way it was. The people, the birds, Cas. You got to bring him back.] I'd rather have you, cursed or not. [Ever since I took that burden, that curse.] We dated. Sort of. More like we watched a lot of old movies together. [The movie. With Curt Russell. I made you watch it.] Why do you love this world enough to risk your own life? [I cared about the whole world because of you.] Dean smiles, for the first time all season, he is happy. [Eyes open, heart full-- somehow happier than we've ever seen him.] Why do you only want what you can't have. [The one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have.] I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it's cloaked in shame. [There's things, people, feelings I want to experience differently than I have before. Or maybe even for the first time.] I know who you love. There's nothing for you to come back to. [You're hoping Castiel will return to you.] Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being, it's in just saying it. [I need to say something.] Still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester. [My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here.] The angels, they don't care. It seems like when they try, it just breaks them apart. [I cared about the whole world because of you.] You know what's real? People. Families. That's real. [You asked what about all of this is real. We are.] I need you. [I love you.] Well, last night on earth. What are your plans? [I'll go with you, Dean] Is Cas still here? I don't think Cas is going anywhere. [Everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long gone. Everyone except me.] I won't hurt Dean. You will. [Goodbye, Dean.]

xxxx

[holylulusworld]

Little angel

Title: Little angel

Square filled for @anyfandomangstbingo​: Too late to save them

Square filled for @heavenandhellbingo​: "Should you not return to me, there is no force in heaven or hell that will keep me away from you.”

Summary: Michael has a new vessel. Now he’s looking for his little angel.

Pairing: Michael!Dean x FallenAngel!Reader

Characters: Castiel, Jack Kline, Sam Winchester, Kaia Nieves (mentioned)

Warnings: angst, language, mentions of abandonment, the reader is a fallen angel, mentions of a past relationship, implied character's death, threats

Words: 2,4 k

A/N: It’s been a while since I wrote Michael!Dean. Missed ya, angelic bastard. :)

AFG ANGST BINGO masterlist

2022 Heaven & Hell Bingo masterlist

“I see you adapted well, little angel,” you don’t have to feel his hand on your shoulder to recognize your former leader, archangel, and lover. 

You are frozen in time as you stare down at the bodies of your colleagues at the library. Michael burned their eyes out without batting an eyelash. You knew that one day angels will come for you.

“Why did you kill them? They had nothing to do with my past.”

“Too late to save them, Y/N,” he casually says, stepping over your dead colleagues’ body. “How long since we saw each other?”

“Not long enough,” voice cracking you shake his hand off your shoulder. “What are you doing here? I thought you are up in heaven and rule alongside the other archangels since God is gone…”

“Heaven is…heaven, ” the archangel casually says using his grace to force you to face him. Once upon a time, he didn’t stand a chance against you and your powers. Now you are only a puppet on a string and he’s the one pulling the strings. “It’s not the same since you’ve been gone. How have you been?”

He lifts your chin with his index finger, staring down at you with the eyes of a stranger. 

“Your new meat suit is different from the others,” you look Michael up and down, frowning as it seems if only for a split second, someone else is looking back at you. “He’s your sword.”

“I see, you are as smart as ever,” he muses, fingertips running over your cheek. “Father created a nice body for your soul.”

You huff at his words. “He didn’t give me choice. It was becoming human or ending up in hell; locked away with Lucifer. I didn’t want your brother to be on my cell.”

“You broke all the rules, little angel,” he tuts as you glare at him. It was Michael pushing you out of heaven. He’s responsible for your fall.

“I broke them for you…for us,” you spat. “I didn’t want you to fight Lucifer and die. All I wanted was for you to be safe, my love…my angel.” Voice cracking you glance at his polished shoes. “I didn’t expect you to be the one banning me from heaven. I was always loyal.”

“You were loyal until you weren’t. I had to make sure no one follows your lead and rebels against God and the archangels.”

“I didn’t rebel against anyone. I wanted to save your life,” hot tears run down your face as you feel his hold on you loosen. “It was you telling father about my intentions. You ripped my grace out of my body.”

“I had to do it, little angel.”

“No. You didn’t have to do it,” he cups your chin roughly as you glare up at him. You purse your lips, ignoring your racing heart. Michael could easily snap your neck or burn your eyes out. You’re a mere human, an insect for him to squish. 

“Don’t anger me, Y/N,” his voice makes the room shake and brings you back to reality. You are a human being and Michael is an angel possessing the poor guy’s body whose face he wears. 

“Do you have the slightest idea how it felt to fall? My wings got ripped off my body and my soul, it just…vanished. One moment I was an angel, and the next all that was left of me was dust.”

“Father made sure your soul survives and that you’ll be reborn,” Michael tuts as he cups the back of your neck. He just looks down at you for a moment, humming as you struggle to hold his gaze.

“You left me alone for centuries, Michael,” he dips his head to press his lips to yours. You gasp. This isn’t how you imagined your reunion with your former lover. “I didn’t know who I was until a few years ago when one of your fine friends tried to kill me. I grew up human and forgot about my true nature.”

“Y/N, you are a mere human now,” you narrow your eyes at his comment. Michael acts as if he’s not the reason for your downfall. “No wings. No grace. No beauty.”

“Well, then,” pulling away from Michael you give him a cold glare, “you should be on your way and look for someone more…gracefully. Maybe Rafael wants to get his fill.”

“Careful now, little angel,” the archangel warns. He’s so unlike the angel you fell in love with. Michael always was a little arrogant but loving when it came to you. Now all that’s left is arrogance and cruelty. “I came here to get you. You’ll come with me.”

“Why would I want to go with you? You just killed my colleagues out of spite only as I refused to follow you outside. As you said, I’m a mere human,” the archangel doesn’t care about your worries, or that you are shaking in fear as he reaches out for you to cup your cheek. 

“Do you remember what I told you when father send you to earth for yet another battle?” his eyes darken as you try to remember his exact words. “Do you, little angel?”

"You said that” you swallow thickly, feeling the lump in your throat grow. “You said…I don’t remember, Michael. It’s like there is a wall I can’t break down when it comes to you.”

“I said - should you not return to me, there is no force in heaven or hell that will keep me away from you,”  he whispers lowly. “You must remember my words, little angel.”

“Maybe I don’t remember right,” it’s hard to have Michael so close after years of waiting for a chance to get back at him. He betrayed you in the worst way possible. While you tried to save his life, he took yours away from you. Along with your wings. 

“You’ll come with me on free terms or not,” he won’t take no for an answer. Not half an hour ago he proved that he’ll kill anyone getting in between you and him. “I’ve got plans for you.”

“I miss my wings,” you close your eyes, as he caresses your cheek. “Can you give me back my wings? Do you still have my grace?”

“Why would I, little angel?” your eyes snap open and you step away from him. He chuckles darkly, even dares to look at you with pity. “Your grace is long gone. Father decided you are not worth walking among angels. I simply want your memories. I need to find a few…stray angels.”

“Stray angels,” choking on your tears you realize Michael didn’t come to your aid. He doesn’t want you back or to help you get your wings back. “You want to find and punish them.”

“Come now. We have work to do,” he holds out his hand, flashing his eyes blue again. His wings fill the library, and you start to shake in anger. “Y/N, don’t let me wait!”

“No,” your hand trembles when you get the lighter you hid in your pocket out. You glance at Michael one last time before lighting the lighter and dropping it to the ground.

He frowns as you clutch your hands to your chest the moment the lighter ignites the holy oil.

“Y/N! What did you do?” he growls in your direction. “You know this won’t kill me!”

“I know,” you take another step back. “But it will hurt like a bitch if you try to leave the circle and it will banish you long enough to make sure Sam Winchester will get his brother back.”

“You don’t want me to become an enemy,” Michael warns. “Little angel, free me. NOW! I will hunt you down.”

“Try hunting me down with your sword gone,” getting your phone out you dial Sam Winchester’s number. You swallow thickly as Michael glares at you.

“Let me out!!”

“Sam Winchester, my name is Y/N. You don’t know me, but Castiel asked me for help a few weeks ago. I’m at the public library in Great Bend. I captured Michael. He’s currently banished by holy oil. Just hurry and get him…”

“Y/N, let me go,” Michael watches you crouch down to cover your colleague with your jacket. “I’m sorry about those…humans.” He makes a face as you wipe your eyes. “Little angel, come here.” 

“No, you’re not,” you get back up as the door slams open. Castiel, followed by two men you don’t know storms into the library, accompanied by a girl carrying a spear. “Goodbye, Michael.”

“Y/N,” Castiel wraps his hand around your wrist to drag you away. He brings you behind his back, ready to defend you. “Thank you.”

“Castiel,” you huff. “I didn’t have much of a choice. He came to use me as a weapon against our brothers and sisters. I’m not an angel anymore, but this doesn’t mean I’ll help him bring them down. You got what you wanted. I’m out of this…”

You turn to leave the room, not wanting to watch the group kill your former lover.

When you close the door behind you, screams fill your ears. There’s commotion in the room as you press your forehead against the wall, letting the tears finally fall.

“He didn’t come for me. Michael never loved me,” admitting your defeat, you sink to your knees and start crying. “I should’ve helped Lucifer to kill you…”

“Why am I here?” you glance at Michael’s vessel. The archangel left the hunter’s body, but not without breaking a few bones and leaving bruises all over the hunter’s body. Dean looks like he lost a battle and got under the bus at the same time. 

“Dean is back,” Sam clears his throat, “but Michael escaped. We don’t know where he is, Y/N. You’re not an angel anymore.” You huff. “Sorry. It’s just, that he will kill you for helping us.”

“He won’t show mercy and kill me, Sam Winchester,” you chuckle humorlessly. “I betrayed Michael in the worst way possible. He will come for me to inflict as much pain as possible. He will keep me alive to do it all over again. I’m better off dead.”

“She saved me Sammy,” Dean croaks. It feels odd to have his voice back to the hunter. “We should take her in. Michael will kill her if we let her go. I got a glimpse of his thoughts. He wanted to kill her after he got what he wanted.”

“He took my grace and my wings,” getting up from the chair at the library you slide your fingertips over the table. “Michael took his love away from me too. What else can he take? A life I never wanted. I was reborn human after existing for thousands of years. I’m already dead.”

“Sweetheart, there are worse things than being human,” the elder brother huffs. He slowly gets up from his chair to hobble toward the first aid kit on the table. “Being dead, or cake instead of pie.”

“Pie?” sighing deeply you watch Dean try to patch the wound at his shoulder up. The one the mysterious girl gave him to ban Michael from the hunter’s body. “Let me do this.”

“I can patch myself up,” the hunter grumbles as you snatch the first aid kit out of his hands. “Girl, can you just not…”

“My colleague taught me how to do this,” Dean watches a stray tear roll down your cheek. “They were good people, you know. Michael killed them as I refused to follow him. I was scared and tried to escape so he burned their eyes out right in front of me to prove a point. He’ll do the same to you, your brother, and everyone you love if you try to protect me.”

“We won’t let him hurt you, Y/N,” Castiel states. He always had a weak spot for you. “You should’ve never followed his lead.”

“Really?” head-snapping toward Castiel you growl at the angel. “I lost everything, and you want to make me feel even worse? I loved him! Do you have the slightest idea how it feels to get your life ripped away by the one you love the most?” you sniffle. 

“Cas, leave her be. Michael just killed her friends. She needs a rest. All of us need a rest. The bunker will keep her safe.”

“No one will be able to protect me,” you rip the old band-aid off Dean’s shoulder to clean his wound. “Now hold still. I’ll try to fix this.”

“The bunker is safe. Warded,” Sam tries to calm you. “You are safe with us.”

“Sure,” putting a new band-aid on Dean’s wound, you ignore Sam trying to make you feel safe. “Nothing and no one will stop Michael from killing me. It’s fine. I accepted death a long time ago.”

“You won’t die, sweetheart. I will return the favor and keep you safe,” Dean offers as you slam the first aid kit shut.

“Save your breath, Winchester,” you pat his cheek. “I died the moment Michael ripped my grace out of my body. I felt every feather I lost when I fell…and then I landed on the cold, hard ground. Torn apart, shattered, and slowly turning into dust.”

“Guys, we should focus on finding and killing Michael. For now, he’s weakened. Michael must find a new vessel after he lost his true vessel. It will take him some time to get another yes,” Sam says.

“I remember every vessel of Michael,” you snatch the notebook out of Sam’s hand. “It won’t do you any good to go after Michael but, if you want to try, I can give you the names.”

“Does he have yours too?” Dean asks. “He could go after them.”

“I’m not an angel anymore, Dean. This body is mine,” you point at your chest, “I was reborn like Anna. You remember Anna, right?” 

“How could we not?” the younger Winchester grumbles while Dean scratches the back of his neck. “So—you are completely human.”

“I got most of my memories back around three years ago after an angel tried to eliminate me. Until then, I was a normal human, just like Anna,” you explain. “I got no wings or grace hidden in the back of my closet.”

“Welcome to team free will in that case,” Dean holds out his hand, flashing you a smile. “Come on, sweetheart. I know you want to rip that bastard’s ass open.”

“I—” you glance at Dean’s offered hand, wondering if you’ll be of any use to the hunters. “I don’t know if you should keep me around, but fine.” You shake Dean’s hand, silently agreeing to hunt Michael down with team free will. “Let me give you a list of Michael’s vessels first. We should make sure they won’t say yes…”

Tags in reblog.

[ananke-xiii]

Yes, sometimes even Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming can write interesting dialogues. Anything can happen in life so I'm not exactly surprised. I'm referring to Sam and Dean's "it's not an "it"" dialogue from "Hell's Angel" (s11e18).

Sam: Dean's right. Priority is to put the Horn in Lucifer's hands and set him loose on Amara. Dean: After we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel. Sam: What? Really? Dean: Yes, really. We're not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn't make it? Sam: Dean, it's a strong vessel. It's held Cas for years, and we know what he's been through. I'm guessing it can hold Lucifer. Dean: "It"? It's not an "it," Sam. It's Cas. Sam: And Cas wanted to do this. Dean: Yeah, well, there's times I want to get slapped during sex by a girl wearing a Zorro mask. That don't make it a good idea. Sam: Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. W-We make the... the heart choice instead of the smart choice. Dean: Oh, okay. Thank you, Dr. Phil. Cas is family. Sam: Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected. Dean: Even if it kills him?

I think this is a very interesting dialogue for two reasons: 1. it shows how Dean is very good at winning arguments :P and 2. it shows how both brothers' planning is 100% morally dubious. I don't really like putting on the morality lenses, it's not something very appealing to me because I like analyzing characters rather than judging them. Having said that, it's still worth noticing how none of the brothers comes out of this scene exceptionally well.

Sam and Dean argue because they are making a deal with Crowley and they have different priorities: Sam's is to put the Horn in Lucifer's hand and set him loose on Amara ASAP; Dean's is leaving Cas (currently possessed by Lucifer) out of the equation. This places the brothers on two different sides: Dean is "the heart choice" and Sam is "the smart choice". Dean wins because a. he's better at defending his thesis and b. in a season focused on the heart's desires there really is no place for smart choices. The heart wants what it wants, people.

A new vessel.

Dean is ready to put Lucifer into "a new vessel" (aka another human being and good luck finding one what with the whole issue of consent etc) because he doesn't want to send Lucifer into battle inside Cas (brrr, the phrasing is so crude, buckleming don't beat around the bush for sure). So, you know, I'm not judging him for that, love can get crazier than that etc, but the morality lenses are detecting some problems here. Very cunning of Dean to use the impersonal word "vessel" instead of his usual "angel condom" or, you know, "human being". He's worried that Cas will not make it. And this is actually problematic because it implies that Dean is fine with sacrificing another random person as long as it's not Cas.

Sam picks up on Dean's careful selection of word and does an interesting shift between it-he-it. It's a strong vessel, it's held Cas, he (Cas) has gone through a lot, it can hold Lucifer.

While Dean thinks of Cas as Cas, Cas is Lucifer's vessel, it's not "vessel + Cas" (sorry to put it this horribly but I can't come up with something better right now LOL) and he's techinically right because Jimmy Novak is permadead, I find very interesting that Sam still separates Cas' vessel from Cas himself. I think this might be where Sam's trauma for being Lucifer's true vessel and all that entailed shows. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism but this might tell us that Sam, too, considers himself both and "it" and a "he". Anyway, personally not judging, but the morality lenses are detecting problems here, too. Pragmatism is a virtue but, as all things taken to extremes, it can also be a vice. I remember that once Sam rightly told Dean that he was fine with the sacrifice as long as he wasn't the one doing the sacrifice (or something along these lines). Well, right back at you, Sam. Moreover, Sam is avoiding the problem here: they know Cas' vessel can hold Lucifer, it's been holding him in that precise moment. Dean wants to know what happens if Cas doesn't make it. They're two different things. Sam will lose this argument because he's avoiding the subject. He's not factoring in the very real possibility that Cas might die.

Dean's rebuke at Sam that it's not an "it" but "it's Cas" is a bit unfair. He was the first who mentioned a new vessel, thus implicitly saying that, while Cas might not be an "it", another "it" (vessel being a neutral noun) needs to contain Lucifer. And Sam did refer to Cas as "he" and "Cas" while referring to the vessel as "it". But Dean is smart and definitely knows how to win an argument.

Wants and good ideas.

Sam defends his thesis pulling the "he wanted this" card. But how do you know Sam? It's a weak defence and Sam of all people should know. Coming to the conclusion that saying YES to Lucifer is the best solution and then acting on that does NOT equal to actually wanting to do THAT. Then, there are two other points to be made. The first is that Dean is, again very very clever, and he immediately shows another fallacy in Sam's defence: wanting something doesn't mean it's a good idea. This would be a strong argument if Dean's alternative "good idea" wasn't to put Lucifer inside another human being vessel. The second is that Cas did say yes to Lucifer, but he's not the one making the deal with Crowley. Sam and Dean are, they are making the choice for Cas while he's incapacited. The end result may be the same (Cas probably considered when he said yest to Lucifer that he was not gonna make it), but the modality is quite different.

Heart choice, smart choice and Cas' choice.

Sam's final plea is the old "brain vs heart" conundrum. The heart choices are what screw you in the end and they're about to make the same mistake again. I don't know if "leaving things as they are" (aka leaving Lucifer inside Cas) can qualitfy as a smart choice but Sam seems to think so. Dean simply steamrolls Sam's argument with a plain but strong "Cas is family". Which, you know, fair. However, family is exactly the thing that screws them in the end that Sam was talking about. We've reached a stall.

Finally, Sam plays the part of Cas' lawyer and says that his choice must be respected but he totally loses the argument. Because, as I said, the point was NOT if the vessel could hold Lucifer or whether Cas should've said yes or no to him. The problem is USING Lucifer and set him loose on Amara. No, actually no, the problem is USING Cas as bait with the possibility of his consequent death. And Dean is not okay with that. So much so, he's willing to sacrifice another human being to save part of his family. Yes, Cas' choice should be respected but they are planning to use him as bait. Was that Cas' choice, too? How could they know? Dean is ultimately right because he's addressing a painful point: they are using a member of their family as a pawn and he might not make it. This is their choice, not Cas'.

So what about Cas' choice? Dean wins the argument but was he right? Yes, it seems so.

Castiel: Oh, Crowley. What are you doing here? Crowley: Is this the Winchesters' kitchen? Castiel: Sort of. I come here in my mind to pass the time. For some reason, it has excellent reception. Crowley: What's wrong with you? What has Lucifer done to you? Castiel: Well, he mostly just leaves me alone. I'm just waiting here, you know, for the battle with the Darkness. Crowley: He's really got his hooks in you. Snap out of it. Do you know what's happening out there? The Winchesters have trapped the abomination so that you can expel him so that they can put him back in the Cage... Castiel: Well, that doesn't sound like a very good idea. Crowley: In your current state, you're in no position to judge. Castiel: Wait. That was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn't it? Crowley: Yes. Castiel: And he wants me to expel Lucifer? Crowley: Yes! Castiel [laughing]: Ha, ha, ha! Well... he may have a more objective view of the situation. Maybe I should.

At first Cas seems to share Sam's pov. He's just there waiting to be used in the final battle against Amara. However, he's clearly not okay. Lucifer has got his hooks on him, as Crowley points out. He also tells Cas about the Winchesters' plan to expel Lucifer from him. Cas, again, shares Sam's opinion: this is not a very good idea. But one little look at Dean and all of a sudden he's like "well, if Dean says so I guess he's right". He trusts Dean to the point that he thinks that he may have "a more objective view" implying that he doesn't have an objective view, so therefore Sam's advocating for his choices and wants was null. It's not a choice if the person making the choice doesn't have all the info necessary to make the choice in the first place.

I think this dialogue is well done because it shows us both the Winchesters' hypocrisy and moral ambiguity and the lenghts people would go to save the ones they love. Although my morality lenses have detected bullshit on both sides, Sam's argument is the weaker and not because he thinks Cas is an "it" (I think I've proved by now that's a bit unfair to call out Sam on that), but because he's making excuses and playing righteous while he's not being that.

(And, I think, he's not being that because he's a deeply traumatized character who's been projecting onto Cas his trauma the whole time. Back in s5 the priority was saving the world, he was the strong true vessel, he wanted to do it, his choice had to be respected. And that actually worked out. For the world, for sure. For him? Not so much. Advocating for Cas' choice meant advocating for his own choices, proving he was right. But he was not).

Ultimately the plan to exorcise Lucifer out of Cas doesn't work so we'll never know exactly what would've happened. But I think it's interesting to notice how Dean, who's usually portrayed as right by the narrative and as its heart, is actually way more cunning than he's given credit for. He manages to make Sam sound callous for calling Cas an "it" while he was the one who brought the subject of vessels up. He counteracts all of Sam's points quickly and effectively. And he was rewarded by the narrative because we see and hear Cas saying that Dean does have a more objective view than he does (and he had just two seconds before basically agreed to everything that Sam had said). I kinda liked it. Making the heart choice doesn't negate the possibility of making the smart choice, Sam. And Dean was actually smarter. Good scene y'all.