#sakunoske oda

[causenessus]

comforting you. | bungou stray dogs

inc. chuuya, dazai, ranpo, odasaku

written is second pov (no gendered pronouns used)

"you deserve this." by men i trust

word count: 4.6k words

notes/warnings: separate scenarios for each bsd man and how they comfort you when you’re feeling down, giving you both love and realistic advice. i feel like i bounced between writing generalized headcanons and hyperspecific scenarios, so i’m sorry but i hope you enjoy this <3 each of you is deserving of so much love and patience <3 you deserve to be here <3 each pairing is in an established relationship. also (relevant for odasku’s scenario), the orphans are still alive. my writing my universe. i'm actually beastzai in another au where everyone lives and is happy and everything is okay. use of pet names "sweetheart" (chuuya scenario) "angel" (dazai scenario) and "love" (oda). general hurt/comfort drabbles :) lmk if I should add anything! i would NOT consider this proofread because I read it half-asleep at midnight trying to edit it so forgive me for any mistakes 🙏

special shoutouts to @dorotheasdiary + @aouzi for hyping me up/listening to my rambles abt this work!! sorry for the tag </3

chuuya.

sometimes the urge to give up became too strong. 

was it too much to ask time to stop for just one day? it seemed all your pleas to the sky were falling on deaf ears.

still, as all things do, you eventually lost the motivation to keep pushing forward on your own.

like a runner who trips upon a small pebble and can’t get back into their pace, slowly, slowly falling behind the others.

the one difference was that you had come to a complete stop. you'd never allowed yourself a break until you were completely burnt out; unable to move even a muscle.

you haven’t even made it out of bed the whole day. 

the room was starting to feel sick and stuffy with how long you’d laid in those sheets that no longer seemed to provide any comfort. rather, you felt like you were simply dirtying the sheets by continuing to lie there, purposeless, useless.

you barely had it in you to call out of work before drifting back into a mundane sleep that you continued to wake up and fall back into for the better half of the day. you hadn’t looked at your phone after sending a quick text to your manager, unprepared for whatever kind of passive-aggressive response they'd messaged back with because of your late notice. the unknown was too much right now, you couldn't focus on anyone you couldn't read but yourself. you didn’t want to be around friends, family, or people out on the street, where your mind would run rapid laps around itself, trying to figure out what everyone thought of you.

at work, it was the same; sizing yourself up to your coworkers, figuring out how well-liked you were— how replaceable you would be if one day you suddenly up and dropped, or, more likely in your mind, you annoyed everyone enough that they let you go. 

never really knowing what others thought terrified you. obviously it wasn't the norm despite living in a world filled with those gifted with abilities to be able to read another's mind but that didn’t mean your mind could simply let the anxieties go. your head always seemed to be buzzing, preoccupied with concerns about something.

which is why you had tried to block everything out, the moment you woke up this morning and every rustle of your legs tumbled in the sheets was too loud for your ears; a playlist of music on shuffle played softly from your phone nearby, giving your brain something mindless to focus on while you had your head pressed between pillows to deafen out the rest of the world.

you didn’t feel any better or any energized despite how much you had slept today, but at the very least, sleep often took you away from constantly having to listen to whatever your mind wanted to rave and overthink next.

'what time is it? have i even gotten up once today? i should at least walk around. clean up. i'll never be motivated to get out of bed like this—' there your head went, taking one simple question and turning it into spindles of chains to wrap around your throat.

but when you feel the mattress sink beside you, suddenly everything goes quiet. the sheets become just sheets again–not something you’re sinking into or dirtying. someone has opened the curtains, revealing an orange sunset outside, and something nice is playing from the speaker of your phone, you realize.

he is the only one who doesn’t make your head spin. he is your grounding anchor, the gravitational force keeping your feet planted on this earth, opening your eyes to the beauty of the world you couldn’t otherwise see due your own anxieties.

“you been here all day?” he must have snuck in without you even hearing him (which isn’t hard to believe, considering the cushions you’d just been pressing to both of your ears), even giving him enough time to change. chuuya’s hair is still in a loose ponytail and he wears that black choker around his neck as always, but he’s dressed in a white shirt and some sweatpants, his gloveless hands reaching out to rub circles in your back.

he’s bare with you, and that’s what you love most about him.

you’ve had you’re insecurities about not being good enough for him and anything else typical within a relationship, but he never leaves you wondering. he grabs your hand to keep you from floating away too far, getting lost in your own thoughts, often pulling you back into the moment, when you’re lying in bed with him on quiet nights, the sides of your faces only lit by a nearby warm bedside lamp. he’ll trace the side of your face, searching your eyes, asking, “where did you go?”

and you can’t always answer, but you know, every time he asks you this question, that at least you can tell him where you are now. you’re at home with him. 

and this moment is no different, with his calloused hands gliding up and down your back, and you only let out a small whine, shuffling closer to him as best as you can with how tangled you are up in his sheets.

“what’s wrong?” he asks softly, head tilting towards you slightly as you shimmy closer. “how can i help, sweetheart?”

you like how clear he is. how he always tells you what he’s thinking. he never leaves anything up to interpretation, always silencing your thoughts before they can make an assumption and run far with it.

while in the beginning of your relationship, it was hard to always voice what you needed, you came to realize with time that when chuuya asked you what he could do to help, it wasn’t him pressuring you to tell him what was wrong. it was simply how his head worked; he wanted you to be clear about what you needed. if that meant talking out your problems, he would listen. if that meant leaving you alone, he’d give you as much time as you needed (albeit probably checking in at some points just to make sure you didn’t need anything, it was just his nature to care for you). but all in all, he just needed you to talk to him. he would talk to you, you would talk to him. that's how miscommunication was prevented. your mind always felt so clear when you were around him because of how rationally he seemed to think of everything—all you had to do was follow his lead, and everything else came easily. things were never sugar-coated between the two of you, they were said plain and simple. (and with how charming he was, chuuya’s words often ended up being just as sweet as sugar anyway, not even needing to be wrapped up in some false front. when he said “i love you,” it was something clear. a fact, not something said just to appease you or mellow things out, he said it because he meant it).

and how refreshing it was, being lost in a sea of your own murky, unclear thoughts based off of assumptions upon assumptions, to be pulled from that ocean to the shoreline and be promised that the sun would rise again.

eventually, opening up to him became easier. even thought it sometimes took a few hours, you always ended up telling him what was on your mind and he waited patiently every time. he only ever listened unless you asked for more, and he never invalidated your feelings. trusting that he was just going to listen to you, it began to take even less time to prepare yourself to open up. it became as easy as taking a sip of water; something you had to do voluntarily, but was still needed, healing, and often refreshing.

the pitch of your voice slightly heightens as you hum a “yes” in response to his question, curling up closer to him, and his fingers have found their way into your hair, combing through it. “got tired of everything,” you whisper softly, resting your forehead against the side of his thigh, thankful for his contact.

“yeah? i’m sure you did, baby. you’re doing a lot. it’s good to take a break every now and then. anything in particular spur you to take the day off? there’s no shame in just deciding to take a rest day for the hell of it either, though,” he speaks as gently as his actions, shifting slightly on the bed so that you can rest more comfortably, your head now laying in his lap, and he brushes your hair out of your face as you look up at him and his pretty bangs framing his face as he leans down towards you.

you hum in thought at the question, searching your brain for the answer. was there something that had triggered you to break today? or was it just the build-up of it all? “not really anything in particular,” you shrug slightly, still admiring his golden-brown eyes, hooded and soft, gazing into your own, “just felt like everything came toppling down today. i’ve just been thinking too much about what others think of me. i don’t feel that important to the world, or my job. i’m easily replaceable–nothing special–and yet i have to keep fighting for this job. i have to fight to occupy space for myself in the world when i never even asked to be here in the first place. —and of course you make everything better but i mean–you know me. you’re good to me. you’re too good to me. and sometimes i can’t understand why you waste all of that goodness in you on me.” by the time you’re finished, he’s gently lifted your head out of his lap to lay down on his side next to you, continuing to face you the entire time. 

you finish your long-winded explanation of unreasonable worries, and he only stares into your face, and you begin to shift under his eyes uncomfortably. his head his propped up in his hands, and he wears a small smile on his face, eyes flicking every few moments to focus on a different part of your face. “...chuu?” you whisper his name quietly, and his smile only grows.

“sorry, got too caught up admiring your pretty face,” he apologizes, and there he goes again, being so honest it makes your heart squeeze sometimes. he shifts his position slightly, reaching out his free hand to intertwine his slender fingers with yours, gently pressing the pads of his fingertips against your own, playing with them. “well, first of all, don’t think of your life through the lens that you are now. you can’t control or read anyone else’s mind, and that’s okay. people make a lot of irrational decisions anyway, it’s impossible to predict what someone will do, so don’t worry about what they think. what makes how they perceive you or what they think more correct than what you feel? they could be totally wrong about something, and they are if they think you’re replaceable, or bad, or whatever. don’t make yourself smaller for anyone else. you’re so smart and thoughtful and if anyone makes you feel bad about who you are, i’ll talk shit back to them, alright?”

you nod at his words but don’t meet his attempt to lighten the mood, only shifting closer again, hiding your face in his chest, breathing in his scent. his hand is back on your head, keeping you close while combing through your hair. “i think you're perfect as you are, [y/n]. i wouldn't want you any other way. you're the only thing on my mind all the time and you’re all i think about—if you're worried about what goes through my mind. i'll always be here for you, i'll be right behind you even if the world is against you. all you need is me, i’d burn everything to the ground for you in a heartbeat."

dazai.

as a kid, you quickly learned not to fight back. 

others were allowed to be angry and lash out, but when you did the same, it was wrong wrong wrong.

when you were young, you learned that love was conditional.

there was no understanding when it came to your emotions. no matter the kind of day that you had you were still expected to always be kind and patient, and never yell back.

to be loved–or rather, to simply survive in this world, you had to be the smaller person; never expect someone to love you for who you are, but because they like that you’re agreeable, quiet, and passive. never expect anyone to care about how you feel, no matter how close of a friend they are.

and surely, you couldn’t expect any kind of empathy from a coworker.

but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and you could feel the way your chest contracted, suffocating with you, every time you were the brunt of kunikida’s critiques. there was no middle between letting the man belittle you to a husk of your former self or the scariest option of all: say something and risk your dynamic with him worsening even more.

setting boundaries and speaking your mind had never been things that came easy to you, as admitting that something was wrong in your relationship with someone always seemed to leave a gaping hole in the relationship that would always be prevalent, at least to you. telling someone who seemed to be unaware of how unkind their words were “you’re hurting me” seemed to always make things awkward between you and the other party. they realized they could no longer throw you around and every time they left, you couldn't help but think you should've dealt with it and kept your mouth shut. 

so you smile and nod along to whatever kunikida’s ordering you to do next, fake laughing when he says something about how important the job is and to make sure you don’t fail, as if such an option was even possible. you had never messed up anything he asked you to do, and with how long he went on about the importance of the job, you never planned to. but his ending words always reminded you of how little your efforts seemed to matter to him. he would never trust you or see you as anything better than just a little office worker to dump work on.

your face drops as soon as the man turns his back to you, and you let out a quiet sigh before returning to the laptop in front of you before hands upon your shoulders scare you.

“caught you!” a voice pops up from behind you, making you exclaim, jumping in your seat, whipping your head around to see a familiar brown-haired man. he was always causing problems for kunikida and getting scolded, and yet he seemed to be able to take everything as a light-hearted joke. he came into work every day with a smile on his face and new ways to irritate kunikida, while you couldn’t see yourself ever returning to this office if that man yelled at you the way he yelled at the boy in front of you even once.

“dazai! you scared me,” your eyes follow him as he slides into the chair next to you, slightly rolling away from you with how he’d launched himself into the seat. “what did you…catch?” you ask, watching as he scoots closer back to you again, resting his cheek on a bandaged arm atop of the oak desk you both sit at.

“now, now. let's not try and act all innocent. why are you letting him talk to you like that if it hurts you?” he asks with a smile, while your face only pales, your heart completely freezing up the moment you hear the question you fear most. you have to tear your eyes away before he sees through you anymore, and you look down into your lap, where you’re picking at your fingers. if dazai noticed it, surely others did. had kunikida been able to read your face? had you offended him because you refused to communicate your true feelings with him? maybe you seemed like a stuck-up individual in his eyes if he could tell that you were faking with him, and you weren’t sure if him believing that lie or finding out the truth would be worse.

“well i…” you trail off when his fingers come into your line of sight, intertwining them with yours, stopping you from the bad habit.

“have i ever gotten upset with you for very understandably getting annoyed at my endless antics? have we ever disagreed on something we absolutely refused to resolve? no to both. but are humans creatures of imperfection by nature? have we all made mistakes? yes, and that’s why they’re able to forgive each other unless they’re insufferably stuck up. but don’t let your head turn kunikida into a monster he’s not. he’ll understand if you ask him to speak to you less directly, or with more belief in you. he’s giving you these jobs because he trusts you, you know. he just rambles on about the importance of them because that’s who he is. you know that, and you know him. you know he’ll work to treat others with the respect they deserve, you just have to tell him so first. but he’s not going to get mad at you,” your eyes flick up from where he’s running a thumb along your knuckles up to him, only to find him already looking at you with those warm hazel brown eyes of his. he’s right, and it feels nice to be seen and not bashed for your true feelings. instead, you're being understood. under his gaze, you no longer feel weak for how sensitive or emotional you may feel. he’s looking at you like you’re worth something, worth enough that you can fight for yourself, worth enough to deserve to be comfortable in your relationships, rather than used by those near you.

“thank you,” you mumble, and he’s pulled you close by the wheels of your own chair, your knees knocking as one of his hands reach up to caress the back of your neck, soothing you further as you continue to look at him.

his lips are still curved into a smile, not the trickster one he wears as he comes up with his next plot to harass kunikida, but a soft, genuine one, like he loves and cares about you, without you even asking anything of him. maybe this is what love is; being looked at and known, without even having to open your mouth.

“of course, angel,” he murmurs, fingers brushing against the back of your scalp, “bring it up while atsuhi or i are around if you want, we’ll help you explain how you feel. you’re not alone, you never were and you never have to be."

ranpo.

ranpo’s heightened abilities to observe, infer, and understand go far past anything related to his detective work. 

the first time he found you feeling down and wanted to comfort you, he defaulted to what he knows helps him feel better (i.e. sweet treats, dim lights, warm, quiet environments). the entire time, while his hand is on your back, rubbing it soothingly as you lean against him, soft cries muffled by the blanket he’s placed over you, his brain is running the entire time with what he can do best to support you; did you like what he brung you? do you prefer to isolate yourself or do you like the company when you’re feeling down? blankets or no blankets? do you want him to talk to you and try to provide a distraction or is just being there for you what you need? touch, or no touch?

ranpo is so attentive to your needs. whatever you want and is best for you, he will get you and do for you. he gives all thanks to fukuzawa, for helping him realize not everyone sees the world the way he does, all those years ago. since then, he’s learned to be more responsive, emotionally thoughtful, and soft-hearted in his responses if that’s that what you need. but if you want to hear logic and how he’s rationalizing out your situation, he can do that, too. again, he is completely willing to bend and shape himself to your needs. the only thing he will always push for is to be in a room with you when you’re feeling down, even if you don’t want company </3

he knows when you really need to be alone, but he doesn’t like to let you be on your own for too long. he’ll always be in the next room over if you need anything, quietly pacing the room, only worried and thinking of you and if he can do anything more for you. if you’re curled up in bed all night, he’ll eventually knock on the door to ask if he can sleep with you and keep you company. he wholeheartedly believes letting other people help you and be there for you helps, especially to prevent you from spiraling down any pits of despair or insecurity. he wants you to know how much he cares about you and your wellbeing, he wants to be there to hold you close, press gentle kisses to your head, and murmur promises that he’ll never ever leave you alone.

but if you say no to company, he is happy to sleep on the couch and will be up the moment you call his name if you need something or decide you do want company. he is there completely for you always and whenever, and all of it comes from a place of love. he’ll never push you to do anything or tell him anything you don’t want to, and he’ll try not to infer anything even if he knows he could use context clues to find out exactly what’s upsetting you. he knows you’ll tell him when you’re ready if you want to, and it’s never his job to be in your business. his only responsibility is to love you and make sure you know it <3

oda.

you’ve never been great at facing your own problems, and you’re even worse at facing others in your time of struggle. it feels impossible to rely upon anyone, no matter how close they are to you.

sakunosuke oda is a selfless man, always taking care of others, putting their wellbeing above his own. he took in five orphans despite knowing the increased risk to his own safety that would come with taking care of them, and he still chose to do it despite not having a place of his own to take care of them at. he gives half of his wage as one of the lowest-ranking members of the port mafia to the kids every time he receives his salary and he’s never once deviated from the habit.

you know he’d drop everything for you if you told him what was wrong, but you couldn’t do that to him. it didn’t feel that serious. and worst of all, telling him how you were feeling would only cause him to cut his job short and then he’d be standing there with you while you continued to wallow in misery; of course his presence would help you feel better, but it wouldn’t immediately solve everything.

it wasn’t worth it. was your justification as you slipped out of your shared apartment. it wasn’t worth telling someone else how you were feeling, because they couldn’t solve it. you couldn’t solve it. you couldn’t even figure out for yourself what was wrong. you had to make your existence worth it instead, then. the best way you found, to distract yourself from your feelings and make sure they remained pushed down, was by helping others. no one whose in need of help often asks how others are truly doing, and you like that about them.

you don’t tell him where you’re going. you have nothing to hide; you just don’t want to worry him. you’ll tell him if he asks, but for now, you’re on your own.

but what kind of partner would he be if he didn’t know you? if he hadn’t memorized and kissed every mole, freckle, and blemish adorning your body? he knew you better than you realized, although you could never fully accept the fact that he paid attention to you, remembered your likes and dislikes, and knew your habits and routines like the back of his hand, all just because he loves you.

and when he comes home from work to an empty house, searching for any traces of you, he’s not worried. he has an idea of where you are and he knows that all he needs to do is text you, if he's curious. and he doesn’t immediately push his assumptions onto you about why you might be out and where; he knows you can take care of yourself and that you’ll communicate your needs to him. so when he texts you, it's not that he's demanding that you come home or ot tell him your whereabouts. rather, his texts are just to let you know he cares and is waiting for you at home.

sakunosuke ♡ : i’m home, just wanted to let you know

sakunosuke ♡ : text me if you need anything. and be safe

if he sees that you haven’t at least read his message within an hour or if he just can't wait to see you when you get home, whenever that may be, he already knows where to find you nine times out of 10. he’ll text the owner of his favorite curry shop, asking him if he’s seen you while already on his way down to the restaurant.

it's usually where he can find you there when you’re feeling down; braiding sakura’s hair, folding their laundry, coloring with one of the boys, helping out downstairs in the kitchen, or wherever else you can find a place to keep yourself busy. he knows that you’re always like this when you’re upset, and if you won’t take the day off to take care of yourself, then he will do it for you happily and well. he won’t even try to pull you away from what you’re doing–he’ll simply sit down with you, grabbing his own colored pencil while making small talk with the kids, giving you a small smile when you realize he's come into the room. or suddenly he’s next to you, helping you carry and hang up laundry, or drying off the dishes you’re washing.

and then before you know it, you’re walking home with him, hand in hand, a plastic bag rustling in his free one. you’ve both stopped to get food on the way home, and once you make it there, he’s immediately sitting you down, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “let me do everything, love.” he’ll help you out of your clothes into something more comfortable, holding your hair back while you wash your face and clean up, he’ll pull your chair out for you as you sit back down, and run a hand through your hair, keeping any stray strands out of your face as you eat. 

outside of the house, you can bury your feelings as much as you want to and work to please others, but at home with him, you’re the focus. you’re the one who’s honored and worshipped in the house. sakunosuke’s not letting you lift a finger if he can help it, and you can’t get away with continuing to ignore your feelings when his only desire is to help you.

and you’ll tell him what’s bothering you when you’re ready. he knows that after how long you both have been together. and so in the meantime, he’ll wait patiently, showering you with all the love in the world. ♡

[chuuyaszn]

new fav subcategory is godawful unlicensed bsd redbubble merch

[j11nko]

sadge

[cawslew]

I'm wondering—do we know if Dazai meets Oda in every universe? Beast Dazai says that Oda dies in every universe, but wouldn't that only apply to the ones where they actually meet? If that's the case, then for all we know, Oda might still be alive in some Universes, and Dazai is just, unfortunately, his death flag.

[ant0nnettex]

a silly art dump/reposts that i’m proud of

[sad-emo-dip-dye]

Oda ‘I shouldn’t smoke in front of a kid but yeah I’ll take him to a bar’ Sakunoske

[deadguydeathmatch]

Dead Guy Death Match Quarterfinals Poll: 3

[someones-here-for-sure]

dazai drabble

(Canon divergent, what if Dazai didn’t get to Oda in time, WIP, no beta we die like Dazai in this little 300 word thingy.)

Tw, Dazai typical suicidal shit, sadness in general, death

Dazai isn't human.

He never will be. 

He doesn't know for sure if he ever was.

Even before the blood. The cold. The pain.

The pain that hurt so bad he stopped feeling it. The pain that hurt so bad he had to forget what it felt. 

Honestly. He always thought it to be pointless, to let the pain hurt. It didn't need to. It never did. So, he went blank. Anything he felt he covered under a thick coating of dissociation and numbness. That's when he started losing his humanity, he thinks. That's when he stopped caring if he ever had it all. 

When he was 13, he met Oda sakunoske He gave him a reason to feel. To feel anything at all. 

He thinks that made it worse. 

When he was 15, he met Chuuya Nakahara. He gave him a feeling to feel. To feel anything at all. 

He knows that made it worse.

Chuuya Nakahara. The single most annoying person in the world. Dare he say the universe. He's loud, he's angry, he dumb, he doesn't listen, he is naive, and he is easily manipulated. But somehow, his strength- his loyalty, his true care for people he connects to. It was something that Dazai missed. So he stayed. 

It sounds stupid. But Chuuya gave Dazai something to feel. And Dazai was young. He needed it. Even if it only made things worse. 

It only ever made things worse. 

When Dazai was 18, Odasaku died. And Dazai wasn't there to save him. He could never even say goodbye. 

When Dazai was 18, he wrote a letter to Chuuya. Saying things he would never would have.

When Dazai was 18, he found a building. And he climbed to the top. This isn't the first time he's done it. 

When Dazai turned 19, on June 19th, at exactly 12:01am, he hit the ground. 

[writing-blocked-me]

A Lost Chance

CW: Angst, betrayal, PM!Dazai, Dark Era Spoilers!, Mafia stuff ig?

Pairings: Akutagawa x reader, Platonic!Oda x reader

Author's note: A little OOC sorry! I don’t think I’ve really got Akutagawa down yet in terms of character.  Trying to expand beyond writing just for Dazai and Chuuya - though I have loads more fic ideas for them! 

Anyway hope you enjoy :)

You had been with the Port Mafia ever since you could remember.  Kouyou had recruited you at a young age, seeming seeing, as she put it, “a darkness in you akin to the flower of darkness being nurtured in me.”  She trained you and showed you how to flourish in the darkness.  You’d never questioned it; never asked why.

You took it all in stride, stayed in the darkness and even became comfortable there.  Making friends in the mafia was easier than it sounded.  Despite it being a criminal organisation, there were surprisingly many people your age.  The Akutagawa siblings were surprisingly who you’d grown closest to over the years.  Although each of you trained under different executives, in different factions of the organisation,  you became really close.  

Ryunosuke in particuar you felt you gravitated to.  He was angry and brash, so desperate to prove himself to Dazai as strong that he was often blinded to things around him.  However, you  admired how driven he was and how hard he worked.  Though, he wasn’t always so rage-fuelled.  Sometimes he could be gentle and sweet, especially when it came to Gin.  He was always soft and considerate of his sister and protective of her as well.  It was incredibly sweet.  

He was also soft with you, and just as protective of you as he was of Gin.  He had grown fond of you, as you’d pretty much grown up together.  You always stuck by him and seen his worth even when Dazai did not.  You were one of the few people he completely trusted and allowed himself to open up to.  It was not until his early teens when he realised he was falling for you, or rather, until Gin realised and told him.  He was never good with his emotions, often acting on whims, usually in violence or anger.

However, unknown to the Black-Fanged Hellhound of the Port Mafia, you were just as smitten with him.  Though, on your side you were aware of his short temper and inability to confront any emotions outside of the negative.  So, you were content to wait until he was ready for the next step in your relationship.  You had always been content within the darkness of the mafia’s walls.

Until you weren’t. 

When you met Oda Sakunoske, it was supposed to be a simple job.  You were there as extra muscle and firepower during what was later called the Dragon’s Head Conflict.  You were only 14 at the time and so had been kept out of the main action.  Though the mafia was desperate, so still they sent you in.  That’s where you first saw him.  Picking up any stragglers he could find, rescuing children and protecting them from the conflict.  He seemed determined to keep the kids out of the darkness - a concept completely mysterious to you.  At first you had been confused, but curious.

The second time you met him was when you sought him out.  He had sparked your curiosity and you wanted to know more.  You hung around with him; you asked him questions.  He always gave you the same blunt answers about wanting to help the kids.  He showed them kindness, a kindness that stemmed from light.  You had never been exposed to light before Oda; it was then that he opened the door for you, leading to light.

From then on, you had decided to help him, to be more kind.  You would look after the orphans when he was gone too long on mafia jobs and contribute to their living costs.  Eventually, they began to see you as an older sibling and, eventually, you became very attached to them.

Regardless of how kind you were when it came to the kids, you never forgot where you worked, where you believed you belonged.  In the darkness.  You continued to work as a member of the mafia, alongside your friends.  You still cared for the Akutagawa siblings, still infatuated with Akutagawa, though you now attempted to prevent any excessive violence he attempted.  Life went on with only a few changes.

It was when you were 16 that Akutagawa finally told you he loved you.  He had just had an intense training session with his mentor and he returned to his and Gin’s shared abode battered and bruised, coughing and spluttering.  You had already been there, waiting for one or both of the siblings to show up to hang out, when he walked through the door.  You stood up to help him, only for him to fall on top of you, sending you both to the floor with a thud.  You gently rolled him off of you and rushed to get the med kit before tending to his injuries.  

It was then that he realised he did not want to lose you, you who treated him with respect and love, who showed him his worth was not just based on Dazai’s opinion of him, who reassured him of his strength when he believed himself weak.  He had been aware of his feelings for you before, but now he had no choice but to act on them and let you know of his feelings.  So he told you.  He communicated exactly how he felt, as he placed a soft kiss on top of your forehead, thanking you for loving him andf taking care of him. That was the beginnign of your wonderful and short-lived relationship as lovers.

The two of you remained professional as ever within the realm of the mafia, but outside you were much less hard and cold.  Akutagawa was warm and loving, though he showed it in his own way, and you in turn took care of him.  He had never been taken care of before, not like the way you did - intimately and without any sign of disgust or regret.  You loved him and he loved you, and, though you had been exposed to the light, you were content to live in this realm of darkness if it meant the two of you could keep on loving one another.

And then everything fell apart.

Akutagawa had stormed into the room furious one day, frustrated at the new enemy, Mimic, and his lack of usefullness to his mentor, the Demon Prodigy.  He had ranted about Dazai and how he had reprimanded him for botching the trap he had set up.  He went on and on about how Dazai’s friend was so much better than him.  Placing your hands around his, you attempted to calm him down, to no avail, as he shook your hands off and got even more worked up.  This time, however, his anger turned towards you.  He had never been angry at you before, not seriously anyway, not like he was then, with fiery rage burning in his eyes, brows scrunched together and lips tightly pursed together.  He had yelled at you, blamed you for making him weak, for allowing him to be soft, to let down his guard.  He screamed and shouted about how without you he would finally be strong, Dazai would finally recognise him as strong. 

Eyes full of tears and withou response, you sidestepped the mafioso and stormed past him.  You would not hear him say those things, although you knew that his anger was not truly directed at you, but it still hurt to listen to the boy you loved berating you.  You were aware of his lack of control over his emotions from the start, you just needed some time to cool down, and to let him cool down.

It was a couple days since your fight with Akutagawa when it happened.  You had thought he was going to visit you, but he simply still needed time.  Ryunosuke regretted lashing out and losing control, but he didn’t know how to make it right, so he opted to leave you alone, deciding until he could figure out how to fix it, he would let you have your space.

That was his mistake.

The news of the mafia’s success defeating mimic, whilst also attaining a permit allowing the mafia to legally operate with Gifted individuals.  However, few knew how it had been done.  You had been celebrating on with Gin in your apartment after hearing the news.  It was only when they left, late that night, that you started asking youself the questions of “who”, “what”, “where”, “when” and “why”.  That’s when you heard a knock at the door.  There stood the Demon Prodigy himself, Dazai Osamu, eyes slightly puffy, though his attempts to conceal it was commendable.  

You had met him a few times throughout your time in the mafia, through missions and jobs.  However, your interactions grew slightly more after meeting Oda.  You were aware of their odd friendship and that Oda trusted him, considering him a true, genuine friend.  That said, your respect for him was only for him as a superior, given your relationship to his pupil.  You were wary of the man at the door, unsure of why he would seek you of all people out, why he would come at such a late hour. 

“Odasaku is gone.”

It was the only thing he said before he dragged himself into your apartment, plonking himself down on your couch.  

Your ears rang with the words, your face displaying obvious disbelief.  He couldn’t be gone, that couldn’t be true, right? But you knew that Dazai would not be in your presence if it was fake. Your mind raced, what would you do without your mentor of light? What would the kids do? You hadn’t even thought about them yet, how would you break the news...

“They’re gone too.” 

As if reading your mind, Dazai lifted his head.  He recounted the events of Oda’s death to you and the death of the orphans.  As he spoke, he stared at the wall, it was apparent how desperate he was not to cry.  He looked almost innocent as the sorrow crossed his face. He turned to you.

“I’m leaving the mafia.  His last wish was for me to do something good, to live in the light and help people.  He asked if I could bring you with me.”

The former Demon Prodigy extended his hand to you, an invitation.  

And, without looking back, to honour the person you most looked up to, you took it.

Akutagawa knocked on your door.  One. Two. Three times.  No response.  You hadn’t been seen in days, he came to check on you.  The rest of the mafia was busying themselves with finding the former executive, now suspected traitor, but all he could think of was you.  He was finally ready to patch things up, ready to tell you how sorry he was.  Another knock.  No response again, so he busted down your door.  He’d apologise later but he had to talk to you first.  

Your apartment was empty, blank and cold - nothing like the warm environment it had been while you lived there.  Akutagawa tore through the apartment, room by room, still no sign.  You were gone.  

You had left and taken with you the last part of his soul that was not rage and despair.

[downbad4fyodor]

Welcome to my 2023 Christmas event! As the name suggests, there are 25 days of Christmas, which means 25 days of just wholesome winter-themed fics and free therapy for the Holidays

Reblogs, likes, comments, and general interactions are very much appreciated!

Rules & More Information ❅ All fics are SFW, however this blog is generally made for NSFW and dark content, so minors do not interact please!!! ❅ If you would like NSFW content, I will not be taking requests while the event is still going, but my inbox is still open for thirsts that I'd be more than happy to answer! ❅ The reader is going to be afab in all of these fics because it's easier for me to write it that way. ❅ Requests are closed because I have most of the fics in the queue. December is going to be a little bit hectic due to me being a full-time university student with a job, so I won't have much time for requests. I also ask for your patience, too because there will be a lot going on. ❅ All fics will be BSD ❅ Some will be longer than others depending on how much time I have to write them. ❅ Everything will be linked here when it's posted!

Fic List ↓

Tree Decorating -> Sigma

Mantel Decorating -> Ango Sakaguchi

Watching Christmas Lights -> Fyodor Dostoevsky

Christmas Caroling -> Dazai Osamu & Chuuya Nakahara

Building a Snowman -> Arthur Rimbaud

Ice Skating -> Atsushi Nakajima

Sledding -> Nikolai Gogol

Hallmark Movies -> Paul Verlaine

Matching Sweaters -> Oda Sakunoske

Gift Wrapping -> Ryunosuke Akutagawa

Putting Up Christmas Lights -> Arthur Rimbaud

Setting Up the Nativity -> Kunikida Doppo

Building a Gingerbread House -> Dazai Osamu

Baking -> Ranpo Edogawa

Cuddling by the Fire -> Sigma

Christmas Dinner -> Tetchou Suehiro

Seeing Santa -> Chuuya Nakahara

Christmas Cards -> Edgar Allen Poe

Letters to Santa -> Paul Verlaine

Reading -> Akutagawa Ryunosuke

Snowball Fight -> Oda Sakunosuke

Christmas Shopping -> Edgar Allen Poe

Cookie Decorating -> Ranpo Edogawa

Putting Presents Away -> Nikolai Gogol

Celebrating with family and friends -> Fyodor Dostoevsky

[fuk0]

Oda Sakunoske 🥺💕

Let yourself feel comfy with them

[heaven-s-black-box]

Lovesick Fool- Soukoku

Return to File

Recovery date: July 23, 2019

Description: inspired by lovesick fool by the cab and an instagram post saying "take me laser tagging and then push me into a corner and kiss me. then shoot me and walk away"

Notes: N/A

Word count: 289

Back to directory

It had been a week since Oda Sakunoske’s death. The whole week Chuuya had noticed something was wrong with Dazai. They had just finished a mission, and on there way back Dazai stopped. He was staring at an alley adjacent to him when Chuuya turned around and ask, "What’s wrong?”

It had none of his usual bite, being exhausted and all.  There was no answer, just a tight hold on his wrist, and a yank towards the alley. The next thing he knew was his back was against a brick wall, and Dazai was in front of him; almost too close. 

“I’m sorry, but please hate me,” was all Dazai said before he kissed him.

    It was in no way sweet, but neither was their relationship. It felt urgent and Chuuya got lost in it. He thought maybe… just maybe Dazai loved him too. Since the Sheep Chuuya had found it hard to trust anyone, much less love someone. Then it hit him, Dazai said “please hate me” and “I’m sorry”. Why would he-

    The sound of a gunshot, followed by a warmth spreading from his side. “If you hate me, this will be so much easier,” Dazai said before letting Chuuya fall. 

    Almost 4 years later, and Chuuya still hates himself. For trusting Dazai, for loving Dazai, and even worse was he still loved him. Even four years later, with a scar to prove that love is dangerous; he still loves him. Whenever he sees the scar he’s reminded what happened; he always finds himself wondering the same thing, was it a game or did he really love me. Well, he knows one thing for sure, he would rather use corruption without Dazai, then go through that again.

[chuuyaszn]

explodes they’re so cute

[j11nko]

another batch of designs for my hadestown au!!

[chaotic-trash-cat]

i cant believe no one in the bsd fandom has made or marketed an odasaku man plushie. i would pay good money to own one of those.

[ninja-crybaby]

For all those people like me who love both Bungo Stray Dogs and Bungo To Alchemist, these two share a voice actor 🌸