#sailormouth

[live-laugh-loverpool]

Sgt. Klopp’s Broken Hearts—Part 3

Tags: @millythegoat @rubybecker-rb2 @alissonbecksfan234 @moomin279

Feat. Jesse being the best boss friend and Harvey Elliott the sailormouth

Fabinho stared at Elliott as if he’d just called himself a Ballon D’Or winner. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m serious! You’ve got to help us,” Elliott pleaded. “What if he’s in trouble?”

“You had us at the word trouble. Let’s go,” Firmino urged, jumping off the counter and following Elliott to the door. “You can tell us what happened as we go.”

Alisson nodded, pulling Fabinho by the hand. “Lead the way. We’ll see you later, Vini.”

Vinicius nodded, waving the group away. “See you in March.”

As they made their way through the halls, Elliott told the whole story. After the Brazilians had left, the others had decided to go look for Klopp. They’d checked the office and press conference rooms, but the team still couldn’t find their manager.

“And so we checked the broom closets,” Elliott went on, turning the corner. “We found him in there looking…numb. Really numb—like something had stolen all that emotion from him. He didn’t even speak to us—Milly asked if he was okay and the boss ran off.”

The three Brazilians exchanged glances—this was indeed strange. Klopp wasn’t one to pass up the chance of speaking—in fact, sometimes he talked a little too much. “We’re splitting up to go look for him, right?”

“Indeed.” Henderson appeared with the rest of the group. They all looked as confused and worried as their little group. “I want all of Anfield combed from top to bottom. Leave no room checked, no crevice unswept, no piece of garden stone unturned. We will find him.” He drew a deep breath and swallowed hard, a flash of pure fear breaking through his steely blue eyes. “Or may Stevie Gerrard himself rip this armband off my arm.”

*

He had no excuses anymore. They’d lost humiliatingly, at home, with few injuries and with a two-goal lead. He’d been there, they’d had a chance and they’d completely blown it into the water.

He remembered his days as a player, when they’d lost 6-0 to some team he couldn’t even remember. He’d just joined Mainz 05 then as a young right back, their newest hope for that position. But in a game of that magnitude, he’d let nerves get the best of him, paralyzing him on the pitch while opposition attackers marveled at how easy this was.

There had been one 6-0. Two 6-1 defeats, and two 2-5 defeats.

As a player, he could’ve yelled at his fellow defenders for them not being cohesive. But he didn’t. Not because he didn’t want to—he’d been too shy to say anything. So he’d watched as the others brawled and yelled at each other, blaming everybody but themselves.

Their goalkeeper, Stephan Kuhnert, often got trapped at the center of the scuffles. Klopp had felt sorry for the keeper, always getting blamed for things even though sometimes it wasn’t his fault at all. That was how he’d used his size to shield Kupert, allowing his teammate to escape while he dealt with the other defenders. He’d received a black eye and a bruised rib—but in his opinion it was all worth it.

That was why, both as a player and a manager, he never threw blame onto his players or the staff. Instead, he blamed himself—because he was the only one to blame.

After all, he was the one in charge. His players would only play the way he wanted them to play, no other way. If they won, it was because his boys had done well in their positions. If they lost—like today—there was only one person to blame.

A small vibration in his pocket signaled that he had a message. Klopp paused his aimless wandering to lean against a tree, clicking on the phone notification.

Jessethe🐐: Yo Normal One!!! No need to ghost us, man

TheNormalOne: I’m here

Jessethe🐐: where’s here

Klopp took in his surroundings, searching for a landmark to find his way—a rock, a tree, anything. He found nothing familiar.

TheNormalOne: I don’t know

Jessethe🐐: No wonder 😑 you say I need therapy but have you ever tried looking in the mirror

TheNormalOne: why are you texting me

Jessethe🐐: They say that you’re sort of prickly after a loss, but this? This is insane 😆😆😆

Jessethe🐐: srsly, your players texted me saying that they couldn’t find you anywhere

Jessethe🐐: they’re worried as heck about you

Klopp froze at the last text. Of course the boys worried about him. He’d run off with no explanation why, in front of them. His boys needed him more than ever, and he’d left the building.

Just like Tite did in the World Cup.

TheNormalOne: I don’t deserve them

TheNormalOne: They need me more than ever and I ditched them

Jessethe🐐: Do you remember what I told you that night when I crashed at your house?

TheNormalOne: You told me a lot of things

Jessethe🐐: But I told you one thing before you went to sleep

Jessethe🐐: Look, your boys will always have your back. They’re good boys and they’ll catch you when you’re falling. Just like you do for them

TheNormalOne: not so sure, I abandoned them

Jessethe🐐: Well, even the healers need to take time for themselves. Take as much time as you need, I'll tell them that you're OK

TheNormalOne: how?

Jessethe🐐: Same way as we're talking, through chat

TheNormalOne: right, I forgot that I put you as an emergency contact in my office

Jessethe🐐: You trust me that much? 😊 I’m honored

TheNormalOne: Can I call you?

TheNormalOne: Not now, but just in case

TheNormalOne: I know it sounds kind of selfish but…

Jessethe🐐: Of course you can man 👍

Jessethe🐐: And you’re NOT selfish to ask for help

TheNormalOne: 🙌. Thanks Jesse, you’re a lifesaver

TheNormalOne: Virtual hug?

Jessethe🐐:🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗 All you needed to do was ask

*

“We searched the entire stadium and not one sign of him!” Henderson threw his hands in the air, glancing at Milner. “Did Marsch respond yet?”

“Not yet. I told you Americans take forever to answer the phone,” Milner grumbled, stuffing his cellphone in his pocket. “How did we even get his number anyways?”

“Dunno,” said Van Dijk. “I was talking to Pascal, and we exchanged phone numbers. I guess we exchanged our managerial contacts as well.”

Firmino glanced at Van Dijk. “You two get along well, don’t you?”

“Sort of,” the Dutchman admitted with a shy grin. “It’s kind of like when Gonco was here—another Dutchman. Well, there’s Cody but—”

Firmino gripped Van Dijk’s shoulder, stopping him from ranting. “I get it.”

While Van Dijk and Firmino were relatively calm despite the circumstances, Alisson was the total opposite. He paced back and forth across the hall, nervously muttering to himself.

“Ele está bem? Onde ele está? What if something awful happened and he’s never coming back again? E se os torcedores do Real Madrid o pegassem e…”

“Don’t panic!” Kelleher took Alisson’s hand in an effort to calm him down. “We’re going to find the boss, okay? Nothing bad’s going to happen.”

Alisson didn’t seem any calmer. Rather, he regarded the younger goalkeeper with a slight surprise. “How do you know Portuguese?”

“I don’t, but I can tell when you’re anxious. I’ve seen it enough times.” Kelleher perched upon a bench, taking Alisson with him. “I know you and the gaffer are close, but I don’t get it. You almost seem panicked at the thought of not finding him.”

“That’s because I am,” Alisson confessed, leaning against the wall. “Look Caoimh, I already lost my father to a freak accident. Somehow, I got a second chance.” He gazed into the Irishman’s gray eyes, holding his hands tighter. “And I’m not going to ruin it. A lot of people don’t get two father figures in life.”

Fabinho hummed in understanding, taking a seat next to the two goalkeepers. “You’re right. I got another chance as well. It’s important that we take our chances and appreciate them. And that’s why we’re going to find him, você entende?”

Alisson nodded, staring down at the floor. “Entendi.”

The room was silent for a while after that. Silent…until Milner’s phone rang.

“Finally! Took him long enough to respond,” said Milner. He showed them his screen, confirming that Marsch had called back. “I’m going to talk to him now. No swarming Marsch with questions, okay guys?”

Before anybody could answer, Milner was already on the phone. “Hello? Yes, this is him…yep, we’re all here in one hall. Mmm…well, then! Why didn’t he just tell us! We would’ve been fine…yes, we will. Keep tabs on him, okay? Thanks.”

“What’s the news?” everybody asked almost before Milner could hang up the phone.

The Yorkshireman set the phone on the table, facing his expectant teammates. “The boss went for a walk to clear his head. He needs some time alone. Yes, he’s physically okay,” he clarified, gazing at Alisson. “Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about his mental health.”

“When will he be back?” Van Dijk questioned, taking a glance at his watch. “I don’t want to rush him but…it’s almost midnight. After a loss like this, it’s not safe for him to be wandering about like that.”

“The gaffer could send a five-man gang six feet under if he wanted to. Look.” Milner pointed towards the clock hanging on the wall, then his own stopwatch. “If he’s not back by one-thirty, then we go look for him. For now, let’s go back to Kirkby and get some sleep. It’s what he’d want us to do.”

*

When the Liverpudlians told Lijnders what happened, he silently drove the bus home. Not a single word was exchanged on the bus, although the team was wide awake.

Their insomnia continued even after they climbed into their beds. Nobody could go a second without thinking about Klopp’s whereabouts.

“I get that the boss needs some space, but dios…” Fabinho passed a hand over his face, flipping the pillow for what seemed like the hundredth time. “Did he have to wander randomly about the neighborhood?”

“What worries me,” said Elliott, leaning over his bunk, “is that he ran off like that. Just because he needs some time to himself doesn’t mean that he needs to run off. Right?”

“Wrong.” Kelleher propped himself up on one elbow in his hammock, glaring at Elliott. “What about the time you ran off after you read that article about your injury? You needed time then. So does the gaffer. Our job isn’t to prosecute him—it’s to let him think and make sure it’s safe.”

“Speaking of which…” Alisson gestured towards the window, which framed a moonless, cloudy sky. “Should we go after the boss? It feels like it’s been hours.”

Milner frowned, glancing at his watch. “It’s only twelve forty-five, Ali.”

“Feels like longer.”

The door opened very slightly, ever so quietly. At first the players thought that it was Lijnders, coming to check on them. Then they realized how tall the shadow was.

“GAFFA!” Robertson leapt from his bed, pouncing onto Klopp. Alexander-Arnold followed suit, and the two tackled their manager to the ground. “We were all so worried!”

Alisson said nothing, but he buried himself in Klopp’s puffy coat. Firmino followed, then Van Dijk. Soon all the players had surrounded Klopp in a thirty-person group hug.

“Marsch told us where you were,” Elliott piped up, loud and clear. “Why’d you have to run away? We would’ve given you some time if you asked for it. If you asked for ten minutes, we would’ve given you exactly ten minutes! No less, no more! I’d stand by the door with a stopwatch and—”

“Sorry. The human definition of logorrhea has been on fire today,” Milner apologized, clapping a hand over Elliott’s mouth. “But he does make a point, though. Why didn’t you tell us you were suffering?”

Klopp shook his head, avoiding eye contact—rather hard, considering the thirty players surrounding him. “It’s not that important.”

Fabinho raised an eyebrow at that statement. “I don’t think so, chefe. With all these rumors of you getting sacked, you can’t be fine.”

Klopp gave up, taking a seat on a nearby chair. The manager seemed older and…lifeless, if that could be applied to somebody with Klopp’s charisma. “They already think that I need to take a break from you boys. If anything, I need to stay by you more than ever, because this is my fault.”

Everybody was quite taken aback by this. They hadn’t expected Klopp to blame himself for their bad form, much less in front of them.

“Give him some space, lads.” Henderson, unsurprisingly, was the first to speak. He made his way to the front of the crowd of players, kneeling so that he was within Klopp’s line of vision. “Alright gaffa, could you listen to me? Focus on my voice.”

A small nod told Henderson that Klopp was indeed listening.

“Gaffa.” Henderson took a deep breath, trying not to choke on his own words. “Do you remember after the World Cup, when England got beaten by Croatia? I kept blaming myself for our elimination. I thought I could do more—especially since I was already vice-captain to Harry at the time. You told me not to blame myself, because football is a team sport.”

Alexander-Arnold nodded in agreement, taking a seat on the rug next to Henderson. “He’s right. You always tell us not to blame ourselves for a loss because we’re eleven on the pitch. You may be the manager, but you’re far from the only one to blame for things.”

“Say it again now!” Elliott had managed to wrestle free from Milner’s grasp. “We’ve underperformed at some point or another. You give the instructions, but individual mistakes are our fault. Anybody who blames you for every single thing on the pitch is a filthy bast—I mean, mustard seed who just sits around and spews sh—I mean crap, who can go to fu—I mean freaking hell.”

“Minus the lame censoring, he’s got a point.” Milner didn’t even drag Elliott away this time. “You know the routine, gaffer. The fans or press bother one of us, we kick butt. You’re no exception to the rule, and it is perfectly valid.”

“Enough about the sappy speeches!” Robertson shouted, despite it being well past midnight. “Let’s hug!”

Finally, Klopp looked up from whatever he’d been staring at. “I can’t say no to that.”

Before he could say anymore, he was trapped again in a thirty-person group hug. This time, he hugged them back, a silent thank you.

They were Liverpool.

And not even utter embarrassment could affect the love they felt for each other.

[stalkerkyoko]

haven’t seen big city greens in while first ep is curse word blort

 like  sailormouth from spongebob - dolophin nosies

  in real life it was probaly fuck

[coolchevistianofficialsite]

Look what i found on @hottopic while looking for personal birthday gifts! Expensive tho 🐬🐬🐬🐬 🧽🤬 #SpongebobSquarepants #Spongebob #EelsAndEscalators #Nick #Nickelodeon #Number11 #NumberEleven #SailorMouth (en Hot Topic) https://www.instagram.com/p/CWkL6QwsvW9/?utm_medium=tumblr

[paraphraze615]

(@leonardodicaprio in The Wolf Of Wall Street voice) Absolutely fucking not! #Cursing #Cussing #Cuss #Cussin #CussWords #CurseWords #Profanity #FoulLanguage #PottyMouth #SailorMouth #CursingLikeASailor #CussingLikeASailor #WatchYourProfanity #WatchYourMouth #AbsolutelyFuckingNot #24HoursWithoutCursing

[kendal-hammond-blr]

What's next they gonna bann the episode with spongebob and Patrick "dolphin noises" ?!! #Sailormouth #MidlifeCrusteacean (at Bikini Bottom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNByROkH_Wy/?igshid=8w8r7kr713j3

[jonasgirl622]

Happy Birthday Daddy! Thanks for being my number one cheerleader, always loving me, and belly laughing with me because I’m being a crackhead. There’s definitely no denying that I’m your child. 😂 I love you Silver Fox! #DaddysGirl. #SailorMouth. https://www.instagram.com/p/CFQhkuhhpYs/?igshid=y7h2jqyz7mws

[shanaflawsome]

“I DONT have time for that right now.”⁣ ⁣ ⁣ “Karen I get where you are coming from.” -me⁣ ⁣ “Maybe in the future I will be able to.”⁣ ⁣ “Karen I used to tell myself that as well girl. And month after month I couldn’t do it.” -me⁣ ⁣ “Yeah but right now isn’t a good time. I just have so much going on.”⁣ ⁣ “Karen can I be honest with you right now?”⁣ ⁣ “Sure.”⁣ ⁣ “We all DONT have time. We MAKE time. I’m a mom of 3 busy kids who need my time. I have MS which sucks the life out of me some days and I work a full time business while also taking care of my home and all of our errands. Trust me I get NO time. Because my health has value to me.”⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Sound familiar to you??⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Life is always going to be busy. Something is always going to come up. And unless we want our health to go to shit, then we gotta make the time. ⁣ ⁣ I don’t wake up @ 5am because I WANT to to workout. I do it because I NEED to. Future me depends on that. ⁣ ⁣ What does your future YOU depend on you to do!? • • • #spoonielife #maketime #valentinespecial #loveyourselfie #selflovejourney #doyouboo #ifyoudontwhowill #valueyourself #healthiswealth🌳💰💯 #masonjars #smoothielover #healthyicecream #nicecream #hippiemom #sailormouth #pottymouth (at Raleigh, North Carolina) https://www.instagram.com/p/B8jPMonl4Yd/?igshid=12tpk2trez7xw

[coachjazzelowe]

🤦🏽‍♀️ I'm trying to do better I swear 🤞🏾😂 #itiswhatitis #thisisme #takeitorleaveit #unapologeticallyme #sailormouth #bossbabe (at Bergen County, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0g25HklYet/?igshid=1ksap6lx74wuf

[sgdunster]

Arrr. #bulkmothering #creativity #writermom #kids #sailormouth https://www.instagram.com/p/BuP9YxsnJeo/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12zt3w9fp8ckj

[icespur]

Novelwise needs more love

Don’t get me wrong. I ADORE Bill’s Pennywise. He’s my 6 foot child eating shapeshifting baby that I shall love forever and ever. He is my squishy and he shall be mine 💖

But as I started reading the IT novel in preparation for the first IT movie I can’t help but love Book Pennywise and I don’t think he gets enough love.

Book Pennywise is like a fusion of 1990 Penny, and 2017/19 Penny. Book Pennywise has that older clown guy vibe that MiniseriesWise has. That old clown that would probably be smoking in costume when he’s not entertaining. Giving absolutely zero fucks. But at the same time he can be chaotic like FilmWise. Book Pennywise talks a bit closer to MiniseriesWise but also has moments where he does ITs twisted version of the “peperment twist” by having what I can only describe as the most terrifying 100% purposeful seizure. Book Pennywise is SINISTER! You wanna know one of the events that almost made Mike call the losers? Pennywise broke a toddlers BACK and the mother found the bathroom in shambles and the toddler’s body sticking out of the toilet. The mother claims she heard laughing....LAUGHING!

But that’s not even the best part, no my simple little fellow IT fans.. the reason Novelwise has to be my 2nd favorite Pennywise is......

He’s a fucking sailor....

Pennywise curses in the book.... And I don’t think you understand how much I fucking love this....

Pennywise turns into a giant during his encounter with Adult Richie in the book and instead of taunting his sexuality or singing. This Pennywise pokes Richie point blank in the EYE. Cheerfully threatens to point as his “pecker” and give him prostate cancer, and threatens to “Eat him right the fuck up”

During the Mrs Kersh scene Pennywise turns into this Mrs Kersh Alvin Marsh fusion and goes on this very vile monologue as Alvin reavealing that Alvin physically abused Beverly in her childhood cause he wanted to “Fuck her” and goes really into detail. Then once it turns back into Its clown form IT tells Beverly ITs the last of a dying race and came to earth to “Rape the men and rob the women....and to learn the peppermint twist!” Cue seizure dance..

And probably my favorite moment...The library scene....

We all remember the Miniseries version of that scene.... right?

Well in the book Pennywise “Gleefully” announces to Ben to “Come on up you fat little fuck!” Then turns into Dracula and taunts Ben about Stan’s death....

In short, Pennywise in the book is a sinister sadistic old man with a humongous god complex and is lazy as fuck, yet also very childish when he finds out he got beat by a bunch of kids. And he swears like no tomorrow and someone read the book just to experience this crazy clown for yourself and MAKE SOME FANFICS AND IMAGINES AND FANART WITH BOOK PENNYWISE!

(Note: I originally thought he swore both when the losers were kids and adults but looking back he seems to only really swear at them when they are adults which makes it even better cause it just shows how pissed he is that they beat him as little eleven year olds and now he has to wake up to kill them as adults)

2017/19 Pennywise is my chaotic baby but I also can’t help but love Book Pennywise and you should too! Read the book, make some Imagines and fanfics with Book Pennywise cause he needs more attention, he’s the original after all! Show some respect!

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk....

[aidaronan]

Steve, finally arriving in heaven: Hey ma. Hey Buck.

Bucky: Oh good, you're here. I was just telling your mom you never stopped being a fucking punk.

Steve: Can... Can you say that here?

Bucky: What? Punk?

[thetrendyurbanista]

Tee hee hee....yep 😂 my son said he would be a millionaire if we had a swear jar for me!! #sailormouth ⛵ #whereismy18wheeler ⛟ #pottymouth 💩 #badmoms 😉💋

[heart-star]

I didn't made Inktober but i made something i like more: Spongetober. For all the accultured classic spongebob fans. 🎃🌈🐌🌊. #ignotectorverse #spongetober #spongetober2022 #spongebob #spongebobsquarepants #patrickstar #squidqardtentacles #mrkrabs #sandycheecks #garythesnail #plankton #doodlebob #october #halloween2022 #spongebobhalloween #mermaidmanandbarnacleboy #evil #everyvillianislemons #theflyingdutchman #ghost #annoysquidwardday #chocolateguy #spongebobnosferatu #dyingforpie #eelsandescalators #sailormouth #truefan #goofygoober #krabborg #notthenavy #itsawonderfulsponge https://www.instagram.com/p/CkX6pxWon-H/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[coolchevistianofficialsite]

Of Course I Bought It.... 🤬🐬🐬🐬 🧽 #Spongebob #SpongebobSquarepants #Nick #Nickelodeon #EelsAndEscalators #SailorMouth #HotTopic #BoardGames #Swears #Number11 #NumberEleven https://www.instagram.com/p/CWlrTVhLMZn/?utm_medium=tumblr

[phantom-howl]

So, my brother and I have a habit of watching and making fun of PAW Patrol every morning before school (overprotective parents and the only other option is QVC)

Well we had a joke saying Ryder is actually evil, Chase is a Disney Princess™, Rocky was a sailormouth klepto, so on and so forth. We had random things for most of the reoccurring characters.

We watched the movie recently. We were prepared to make fun of it and be brutal. We were at the beginning. Towards the end we were getting tired.

But one thing made us both crack up laughing.

Liberty, the movie's extra dog, called Ryder and said she didn't think he'd pick up.

My brother and I laugh at this, because we had a joke saying Ryder has a long missed calls list. The dog saying she didn't think he'd pick up means he DOES HAVE A MISSED CALLS LIST.

OUR JOKE IS UNINTENTIONALLY CANON.

Okay I'll stop being cringe now.

[d34d-r0s3]

Deimos.

Deimos liking spongebob.

spingbing.

ABSOLUTELY, YES. NO FURTHER COMMENT IM JUST SFSDFSGHJJSHBVDFGHJK YES SPINGBING HELL YEAH

his favorite episodes are probably sailormouth and the hash slinging slasher one