#safe to say i am still sorta obsessed with that movie
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hear me out: spirealm but make it tron legacy au except it's also sorta canon divergence
everything is pretty much the same except everything is pretty fucking real and not some fever-induced hallucination from getting hit by a car
jiushi's friend did create the game for him and lanzhu was created in the image of the protagonist that jiushi had envisioned during their years in university
i imagine how jiushi gets into the game is still through the hard drive that was sent to him (presumably by his old/ex-friend) and the plot remains unchanged
the ending also stays pretty much the same, but here's where the canon divergence comes in: jiushi doesn't wake up from the accident (because there was no accident!) but is instead pushed out of the game because they've done the whole resetting the game shebang except the game is destroyed instead
jiushi does manage to scrape enough data from the drive to rebuild the game and the ending can go one of two ways: they both decide to stay in the game or, much like in tron legacy, they decide to bring lanzhu out of the game and into the "real" world (which, if you squint hard enough, is also exactly what happens in the novel with the exception it was all thanks to nanzhu's door god powers)
anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk 😌
(i don't know why it took me so long to merge these two franchises together considering how unhealthily obsessed i was with tron legacy in my childhood)
#i may write this in the future but who knows#i couldnt sleep last night so instead i rewatched tron legacy#safe to say i am still sorta obsessed with that movie#the spirealm#ling jiushi#ruan lanzhu#kaleidoscope of death#死亡万花筒#kod#lin qiushi#ruan nanzhu
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ooh i love coming up with questions! feel free to ignore any of these you dont want to do tho
1- werewolves or vampires? and why
2- what fictional character has impacted your life the most?
3- similar to that, was there one movie you were obsessed with and watched over and over as a kid?
4- hat's your "type" and does it vary between theory and reality?
5- re you a good cook or baker? if so, what's the best thing you've ever made?
6- f you could teleport anywhere in the world but you had to stay there for a year, where would you go?
7- where do you see yourself in 5 years? Not in a job interview way
8- what height would you want to be if you could choose?
9- is there anything you really want to do this year that you've never done before?
10- what's something your followers might be surprised to learn about you?
these are so thorough and fun oh my GOSH !!!!
1– werewolves 100%. vampires are sexy in their own right but as a monster fucker i cant resist a big ole fuckin creature, and werewolves are the perfect combination of human intelligence and monstrous otherworldliness. they can be basically just a human with more hair and a tail or they can lose all semblance of humanity and be giant hulking beasts. they're perfect. 10/10
2– sans the skeleton, absolutely. i know he's been sorta transfigured into a meme and hes a silly little guy to me, too, but like also, really and truthfully, he (and undertale itself) came into my life during a time i deeply and desperately needed something to help me feel safe, and sans was that thing for me.
3– there were two, actually!! rise of the guardians and a monster in paris !! i still to this day absolutely adore a monster in paris, it's such a charming film and the soundtrack is phenomenal
4– my "type"..... man thats a hard question. i dont really have a 'type', per say? or at least i dont think so, but there are some qualities that i basically always find consistently attractive! here's a list of em
being tall and/or physically imposing
shoulder length dark hair
low/deep, soft, smooth voice
humor/being able to make me laugh
passion/being hard working/loving the things they do
being a good dancer
good natured cockiness
5– i dont know how good of cook/baker i am but i do love to cook/bake ! i think my favorite thing ive ever made would have to be these orange creamsicle cupcakes i made w a friend years ago for a baking competition. we won ! (*๑˘◡˘)
6– oooh probably either.... wales or japan! ive always wanted to visit
7– honestly i have no idea... but hopefully somewhere, u know? maybe in a little apartment with a cat . that would be nice
8– maybe like, 5'6" to 5'8"? that way i could still be a short king™ but tall enough so that people dont immediately assume im still in high school
9– i wanna travel by myself! and im actually gonna do that in july, because im flying to england to visit a friend :]
10– uhhhhhh hmmmm i dunno! i'm adopted? people are sometimes surprised to learn that
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The first time is an accident.
Dean’s had a shit week, so when Cas comes over to watch a movie, Dean pulls out more booze than normal. By the time one am rolls around, they’re both lying in Dean’s bed, with Cas’ feet propped up against the wall, drunker than a pair of skunks while they argue about seventies music.
When Dean wakes up the next morning, it’s to the heavy weight of Cas halfway on top of him. There’s something stuck in his throat at the sight of his best friend, hair everywhere, breathing against his collarbone. Dean decides to act like it’s not a big deal, because it’s not, right? It’s Cas, and hanging out with Cas is easier than breathing.
The second time is an invitation.
Cas comes over to watch the season premiere of NCIS with Dean, and, as they’re wont to do, they stay up too late and maybe have one beer too many, and Cas isn’t safe to drive home. He tries to sleep on the couch, but Dean’s nerves are loosened by the alcohol and he offers Cas the other side of his bed, no sweat.
This time when Dean wakes up, they’re spooning, with Cas tucked up against Dean, his nose on Dean’s neck. Even with the weight of the blankets, hot and thick, it’s kind of perfect, so Dean decides to act like it’s nothing again. After all, it’s still Cas.
The third time is an assumption, and it is a big deal, but not because of Dean.
Their whole friend group does rotating game night, and this time it’s at Dean’s apartment. Dean’s starting to notice a theme--his friends come over, everyone gets drunk, it’s not safe to drive home, they spend the night. What’s different is that he and Cas have shared a bed now, and when their friend Charlie starts assigning everyone sleeping spaces, because she just does stuff like that, takes charge, she throws out that Cas and Dean can sleep in Dean’s bed.
And they can, they have before, except now their whole friend group is watching, and Dean’s stomach clenches, but then everyone scatters, so Dean just grabs Cas by the hoodie sleeve and pulls him to his bedroom.
Normally Cas is an animated chatterbox, even when he’s drunk or deliriously sleepy (especially then, and it’s maybe-kinda-sorta adorable), but tonight he’s dead silent and even turns away from Dean as he puts his pajamas on. He lays next to Dean in the bed, stiff as a board.
Dean lasts about three and a half minutes before he rolls over to face Cas, reaching out a hand to touch Cas’ wrist. Cas startles.
“What’s wrong?” Dean asks.
“Nothing.”
“Liar.” Dean frowns, even though he knows Cas can barely see him in the dark.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re--what? Dude, you haven’t done anything wrong.” Dean moves his fingers from touching Cas’ wrist to holding it loosely.
“I’ve made you uncomfortable.”
“You have?” Dean cocks an eyebrow.
“I haven’t?” Cas’ brow is furrowed, Dean can tell, despite the inky blackness of his room.
“I would tell you if you made me uncomfortable. Why would you think that?” “I dunno, maybe in front of our friends it looked like...something’s going on?”
“Do you want something to be going on?” Dean asks.
“Do you?” Cas counters.
And, well, yeah.
The answer to that is yeah, Dean does. And has for a while. But Cas is one: his best friend and two: one of kind. There aren’t a ton of Castiel Miltons just lying around. Dean’s pretty sure Cas is the only person anything like himself: a bumblebee-obsessed librarian who holds his liquor better than anyone Dean’s met, who also likes to kickbox and has a cat named Merlin and can’t cook for shit. Who gets the ugliest and most threadbare sweaters at the thrift store because no one else will buy them, Dean, who pretends to like Led Zeppelin for Dean’s benefit, who drives the most fuck-ugly gold vintage car on the planet, who never, ever, ever brushes his hair, who likes tea over coffee, who--
“Dean?”
Dean’s half-drunk brain is still attempting to track the conversation, so he decides it’ll be a genius idea to try and kiss Cas, except it’s dark, and Dean misses by...a lot, hitting Cas’ jawline sideways. For some reason, that sends him into a fit of gut-splitting laughter, and--
“Shhhh, Dean, everyone else is trying to sleep!”
“S-sorry,” Dean says, fighting past his delirium, and he starts laughing again, and then Cas is kissing him, properly, with a good amount of force. They break apart after a moment and Dean brings a hand up to Cas’ cheek. “Trying to shut me up?”
“Usually, yeah.”
“Asshole.”
“Uh-huh.” And then Cas is kissing him again, and that’s that.
(The fourth time they share a bed, it’s routine.)
#destiel#writing friends to lovers fic is how I produce my serotonin sorry y'all#usersheya#userstarry#cillabee#offbeatwrites
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So like. Time fugitive young avengers
TRYING to find the only time traveler they know and the one who prolly sorta likes them???
So like eli and Billy and teddy appear during Sylvie and Loki's sword fight to yoink Kang
Which is the real reason he disappears
Kang legit crying because??? His friends??? Who he had to keep pruning from the timeline???
ABOUT THAT.
So none of them are the same ages because it's funny
I want Billy and teddy to be a middle aged married couple who are just SO DONE and Kate's like I was literally JUST at your wedding, WHY DOES THIS SHIT KEEP HAPPENING TO ME AT WEDDINGS????
Kate refers to kang as "my good bitch" and nothing else
They have nate which allows them to grab loki. The post saakar killed by thanos but not quite Loki
Also. This is a verse where when loki fell off the bifrost he got younger and then wound up with the YA. Endverse!kid!loki is a variant of that time
Kang also cries when he sees Cassie
They expect kang to be this hardass and really hes just SO TIRED, YOU GUYS, and he's so glad to have help
Which is not what they were expecting
Tommy keeps holding up rope all "so no tying him to a chair?"
He gets berated for trying to bring bondage into everything
thATS NOT WHAT THIS IS
At some point they're like you let steve do WHAT. the home of phobia.
Also theres a variant peggy that shows up. Kate and America keep ooo.ooo ing at her
The gay vibes are impeccable
Nate calls Kate "my solid ho"
I kind if want Kate to be the "youngest". Like she's the first one they nabbed but they got her earlier in her timeline than the rest of the team. Shes still like mid late 20s and everyone is weeping emoji at her shes such a BABY and Kate growling no goddamnit I'm a small business owner I pay taxes I am NOT baby
But ONLY if it's funny if Kate being the youngest for once isn't funny then no go hoes
Kate, Nate, and Loki doing obnoxious sprawling all over each other as the youngest oldests
Why is Kang unhinged? That is why. "The floor is lava and the only safe place is UR LAP"
Also have I mentioned agent mobius is noh? I have? Great. Because he is.
And that Casey is Jonas?
Awesome.
So that vibe the gotg had in their first movie..."them?" and "those dipshits?" that's the vibe of this young avengers. With the bonus that they were once competent and organized etc etc but not with these versions of each other
At some point "shhh come on this is Kate's funeral be quiet."
"Yeah don't turn it into a roast this time."
"Shut up ur dead u dont get a say."
but also like. maybe.
so when the timeline exploded all of those timelines existed fully at that moment
which is how they can pluck people at different ages etc.
so Nate Knows about the Young Avengers and a Good Nate comes and Grabs Loki, and they “go to the leader of the young avengers”
which to nate either means another him, or maybe jonas, or eli?
and it’s KATE. who he, like, sort of knows? but why is she the one they got taken to--
“I’m the leader of the young avengers, that’s why, jerk. Also hi Loki.”
“I’m sorry who are you?”
Kate is OFFEND.
Nate is just confused as to HOW. She wasn’t even??? On the roster???
“Yeah well i guess you’re just lucky.”
the fact that loki gets the team together the second time but he doesn’t even know her is irritating, meanwhile loki is making fun of “young avengers” what was there a BABY THOR, a MINI HULK
Nate has to implement a “no stabby no shooty” rule after he’s done laughing
Loki is CONSTANTLY unnerved by how much Kate seems to know about him
some things he didn’t even know about himself? like a breakfast obsession???
Kate being with them helps the other grabs go easier
at some point they’re talking about the TVA and they have pictures for some reason.
“wait wait go back”
“yeah ok we need to grab those two”
she’s only KIND of offended when Noh has no idea who she is but seems to have a crush on Loki. Rude, but ok.
Jonas is all “took you long enough, hang on let me grab some infinity stones”
“fucking WHAT.”
for some reason they wind up at the End, surrounded by Lokis.
and then it’s an argument about which Loki is better for the team. Which variant!loki is VERY offended by
this is just a group of people who MUST offend one another
Kate is. um. VERY adamant about the Loki she wants.
“My vote is for the lizard.”
cue kid!loki peering from behind something: “Kate?”
“LOKI??”
“CHCANGED MY MIND We’re taking the Kid.”
“no, we’re not, I vote for me” variant!loki says this and gets blasted by vote loki loki
Kate nixes vote loki loki because she ALREADY DEALT WITH THAT. vote loki loki is trying SO HARD. c’mon kate. i know you LOVED trolling me on twitter. pick me!
“No, we’re taking the Kid.”
Nate tries to argue this point.
“We’re. Taking. The. KID.”
no one agrees with her
“Saying it slower doesn’t make it a reason.”
“Oh you want reasons? Reason one: i know this lil shit.” a secret handshake of sorts ensues.
“Reason two: I can manhandle him” Loki gets tossed over her shoulder. he is very unimpressed
(”he is easier to punt that way,” America points out. She currently has another Loki in a headlock.)
“Reason three: i know how he lies.”
“Reason four: we’re bros.”
These reasons impress NO ONE.
but it is how they wind up with a gaggle of lokis.
Kate and Kid!Loki are very mean to each other. i just want to point that out. but like a dipshit mean sibling energy. they make fun of each other’s ages all the time.
the vibe of the young avengers is “we WILL save the multiverse but we’re going to be as chaotic as possible while doing it”
#loki#loki show#kate bishop#hawkeye#young avengers#nate richards#kang the conqueror#kid!loki#billy kaplan#teddy altman#noh varr#the team constantly roasting nate for his history choices
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Can you please talk more about valerie red huntress symbiote au ? Just general thoughts on how it would work ? I know barely anything about Venom but imagine valerie would get the symbiote from Axion Labs.
OH GOD OH NO OH GOD OH NO I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO BE AN AU I JUST WANTED TO DUNK ON BUTCH HARTMAN AND HIS PLAGIARIZING HABIT AND MY VENOM OBSESSION
First of all: I will be referring to the symbiote as Venom, a la movie canon, because I have a deep and passionate loathing for the past three years of Venom comic canon, do not get me started on this because I will not be able to stop.
Okay firstly: YES Venom totally comes from Axion Labs. I have not watched Danny Phantom since it was actually airing so I'm definitely checking the ole wiki as I write this but apparently Axion Labs was its own thing and then VladCo bought it? Idk how Venom got to Axion Labs, but it got there and the scientists were like "idk wtf to do with this" and just sorta. Put it in a drawer with a label that says "weird space goo" and forgot about it. (That is VERY MUCH a thing that happens in science labs you would not BELIEVE the shit you can run into if you start poking around old storage objects in labs.) And then VladCo buys Axion, and Intern Valerie is helping organize things and she finds the jar of lost space goo. Idk what happens after that; maybe she determines it's some flavor of alive and passes it to Vlad under the assumption that it's a Weird Space Ghost, maybe she drops it and Venom escapes and bonds with her. I don't know, the details of how they get together aren't important IMO, the important part is the interactions between symbiote and host.
Valerie is still in high school and this is very important to me. Depending on what you do and don't consider canon, Venom is between several thousand and six hundred million years old. Depending on what you do and don't consider canon, Venom has BEEN TO EARTH BEFORE! I am of the opinion that Venom is actually extremely knowledgeable about physics and chemistry and other like, not-Earth-specific things, because they're old as balls. So imagine you're in high school and you're in AP World learning about the Vikings, and you hear this bass-ass voice in your head go actually it wasn't like that at all and suddenly you're RELIVING some other creature's memories of fighting Vikings. Or you're in high school and you're in biology watching a video about octopus camouflage and this voice in your head goes we can do that too and your arm turns "invisible". Imagine you're on your period and you ran out of Advil and you think to yourself "I swear to god if this lunch line doesn't move faster I'm gonna eat the kid in front of me" and the voice in your head goes no, eat the one behind you, he looks juicier LIKE WHAT THE FUCK
Valerie and Venom get together way after Danny becomes Phantom. So Valerie has this huge crush on Danny, but then she also hates Phantom's guts. Venom has senses that humans don't so they can tell that Fenton is Phantom, and Venom regrets their life choices re:bonding with a human, because oh no, these bald apes are so fucking stupid. Every day Venom considers informing Valerie about the secret identity thing. Every day Venom remembers that Phantom's ghostly wail is extremely deadly to them specifically. Every day Venom does not tell Valerie about the secret identity thing.
Most of town is probably at least a little convinced that the huntress is some sort of weirdass ghost, because humans aren't that big. I headcanon Valerie as being short but muscular as hell, around 5'4". Venomized Valerie? Pushing 7' and built like Athena. People assuming she's a weirdass ghost pisses Valerie off SO MUCH, and it pisses Venom off too though for different reasons (I AM TAKING VERY GOOD CARE OF MY HOST SHE IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ALIVE I AM INSULTED BY YOUR INSINUATIONS THAT SHE IS IN ANY WAY DECEASED)
Oh hey wait, if Venom can tell the Dannys are the same person, Venom can also tell that the Vlads are the same person. Vlad has never demonstrated anything along the lines of a ghostly wail, so his secret identity is NOT safe and Venom tells Valerie what's what. Valerie is so disturbed, but then she decides to give Vlad the Homophobic Rich Grandpa treatment and pretends to go along with what he wants so she can get that sweet sweet tech, then she turns right around and does whatever she wants when he's not looking. Maybe Venom (as in the big lady) and Red Huntress are assumed to be two different people because Valerie works for Vlad as Red but then does her own stuff as Venom?
Carnage. Oh god, Carnage. So, the Carnage symbiote (often referred to as Red, I love a coinkydink) is Venom's offspring. In the comics, it is possible for a host to experience sympathetic morning sickness and shit in advance of the symbiote spawning. Please imagine you're in high school in a small town, and you are nauseous as fuck and having weird dreams and cannot eat enough chocolate (chocolate is a good source of phenylthylamine, which is a neurotransmitter that symbiotes need to eat) and one of your shitty high school friends goes "omg are you PREGNANT" and you know that whatever you say, everybody in the universe is gonna hear it. You've never had sex in your life but you still have a moment of panic like OH GOD AM I THE NEXT VIRGIN MARY SHIT and then your body roommate is like actually, this one's on me. DO YOU LOSE YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN MIND OR DO YOU LOSE YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN MIND. "wait Venom I thought you were a guy" "why would you think that i have a concept of gender" "...your voice is deep?" "humans are so fucking stupid"
The big weaknesses of symbiotes are fire and certain frequencies of sound. Venom is scared shitless of Ember McClain, send tweet.
There's a re-appearing ghost who hosted Venom when they were alive. This could be a canon character or an OC. Either way, the interactions maximally play up the "awkward ex" thing.
A better source of the phenylthylamine Venom needs to live is BRAINS. This is now a ghost hunger AU also and Valerie catches Phantom noshing on like, a ghost deer or something. Cue Venom SEE IF HE CAN DO IT WHY CAN'T WE
Hey Venom's an alien who is old as balls, it's called the INFINITE REALMS, there's probably LOTS of alien ghosts with opinions about symbiotes
One day Phantom gets hurt really badly and Valerie feels bad enough to go save his ass (if only because the only person that gets to kill Phantom is HER tyvm). Venom is very Exasperated Parent about all of these fool human children so they just. Pick him up by the scruff like a disgruntled kitten and drag him to safety.
Venom has a very, very low opinion of the Doctors Fenton. Venom knows one (1) thing about humans and that is Protecc The Children and these morons are continuously shooting at their own child. The only reason Venom has not eaten them is because a) Valerie insists that humans are off menu and b) Danny's ghostly wail is scary. Also the only competent ghost hunters in this town seem to be Sam, Tucker, Danny, Jazz, and Valerie. Valerie why are the only competent people in this town children. "i wish i FUCKIN KNEW"
I'm now headcanoning that Valerie has a Very Southern grandma or auntie just to have an excuse for Venom to learn Very Southern expressions. Please imagine doing something stupid and the alien that lives in your brain stem just goes "oh bless your heart". Please imagine that some asshole yoinked the whole town into the Ghost Zone again and the alien that lives in your brain stem is like "dear jesus give me patience" I just think that would be funny.
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It’s week three of my Global-Pandemic-Induced decision to rewatch all of Supernatural, and so I’m still attempting to make this watch more productive than the last show that I binged.
So I’m on disc two now - that’s episodes 5 - 8 for those of you watching on Netflix. By the time we get to this disc, we know the basic formula for Supernatural as a series - Two Hunks + Fighting Evil to the Power of Acceptable Levels of Gore x Missing Dad = Ratings Gold. Or at the very least, good enough ratings that we’ll give you a season (or fourteen). And then...well...then.
Episode five is “Bloody Mary”, easily the scariest episode of this first season and, based on the nose dive that the formula takes after season 1, probably the entire series. Maybe it’s that the Bloody Mary legend was one that really got me as a kid, maybe it’s just that I don’t do so hot with ghosts, but guys this episode still made me turn on all the lights and avoid all my mirrors. I accidentally turned this episode on at 9pm and regretted it immediately. I walked away at one point to go clean my kitchen to strategically miss some of the spookier points and I walked back in during an even spookier point. I was mad that there were no commercials at the commercial break cut-to-black! The first time I watched this episode, I’m pretty sure I watched it through my fingers. This most recent viewing, I ALSO watched it through my fingers. Guys, THIS EPISODE.
I will say it a-hecking-gain: This episode scared the SHIT out of me.
AND THEN, THEN! Then this show has the gall to go ahead and drop a major season/character plot point right there in the middle of all this content that I am actively trying not to look at: SURPRISE! Sam has premonition powers and sorta kinda knew that his girlfriend was gonna die a terrible death weeks before she dies. Because sure, why not?
Ohmiglob the DRAMA.
I’m gonna take a moment to say that, yes, technically this piece of plot gets dropped within our first six episodes, so we can still safely say that, you know, they’re still setting up the story for the rest of the series. It’s not like a sudden twist they drop half way through the season, it’s being laid down as ground work. And I know that this turns out to be a MAJOR issue for the next four seasons at least, but can I just say: Kripke, you’re really throwing a lot at us. I mean, OK. here’s what we’ve got -
The Winchester’s lost their mom at a young age to some evil thing. Cool, got it.
THEN they have daddy issues with C-minus Single Dad John Winchester. Alright, that seems logical.
The brothers hunt bad guys looking for the thing that killed their mom. Ok still on board.
There’s family drama, relatable.
Dad’s gone missing and we gotta find, ok ok ok.
Also Sam’s girlfriend dies in a fire, alright, so we’re looking for that thing now too.
OH! And now Sam has magic powers.
I mean, it’s a lot, right? We got a lot of layers here. That’s all I’m sayin.
So “Bloody Mary”, right? Big episode, big bad guy, they kinda loophole their way into defeating her but I’m not mad. Big reveal at the end, so kind of an important lore episode. And then...well...then we get the following episodes:
“Skinwalker” - gross-out fx, establishes Dean as a lonely asshole with a lot of APB’s out on him
“The Hook Man” - takes the Urban Legend angle of the show and dials it up to 11
“Bugs” - Does what it says on the tin.
Now to be fair: all three of these episodes have at least ONE shining moment that reveals a little more about the characters we’re working with, and that character development plays out in important ways in the rest of the season/series. But all three of them are arguably---
FILLER EPISODES-ODES-ODES-ODESSssssssss.
Alright, maybe that’s unkind. Maybe we should call them standalones or self-contained. A Filler is an episode designed to “fill out” your season. It doesn’t necessarily move the overarching story of the season forward, although it may contain some concepts or revelations that are important later. I’d argue that Supernatural has only ever had two kinds of episodes - Series Arc and Filler. Not that that’s a bad thing - I like a filler episode now and again. Depending on how heavy your season gets (and by all accounts Supernatural gets pretty heavy), they can be a nice breath of fresh air - also known as a Breather Episode. Or they can be just for fun. I’mma reference “Once More with Feeling” again because sure, why not throw in a musical episode in season 6 of a show about vampire slaying, that’s fine. I wanna reference something from Community here too, but honestly anything after season 2 could probably be called filler or self contained, so who even knows. I’ll point at the Voltron episode where they spend a day in the mall to gather some unobtainium for the ship and wacky shenanigans ensue. Point being, they can be times to break the mold and experiment and have fun with what you’re writing. Or they can be ridiculous nonsense. Mileage may vary.
The crazy thing about these episodes is that they most closely resemble what Kripke intended the show to be in the first place. Kripke wanted a show that revolved around characters investigating American urban legends. What is more quintessentially urban legend than Bloody Mary, the Hook Man and curses from ancient Native American burial grounds? These were stories that I as the viewer was already sort of familiar with because I’d heard of all of them before. What I appreciated, specifically about the Bloody Mary episode, was that they a) acknowledge the fact that these are Urban Legends (capital letters and all) and then b) acknowledge that the legends vary wildly so a part of their job is figuring out what is true and what is rumor. I guess you could also call that a cop out but when I was a kid, I was told that Bloody Mary was the ghost of Queen Mary of England who was sister to Elizabeth I and was also violently anti-protestant. WHERE did I get this story? I have no idea. But I also have no idea where Sam got the “mutilated bride” story from either.
In an old article I found circa season 2, Kripke actually talks about preferring standalone content to mythology/lore episodes in television. Both as a creator and as a viewer, he wants a show where people can jump in at any time and “join the party” wherever they are. That’s the beauty of procedurals - you don’t need to start from the beginning to enjoy them.
But what really got me personally hooked on the show was the mythology, was the season long arc to find John Winchester and whatever killed their mom. Those mythos episodes were where the meat of the show was for me - it usually involved a lot of feelings and a lot of character development which is still mostly my jam. If I’m obsessively watching a show, it’s because I’m connected to the characters and watching them struggle through the challenges in their path, not because I want to see what monster they kill next.
And again, I’ll reiterate that each of these episodes contains an important nugget of character. In “Bloody Mary”, easily the least likely to be called Filler, we find out that Sam has weird magic powers that are the real source of his guilt over Jessica’s death.
In “Skin”, we find out a lot about Dean’s inner landscape from the DopppleDeaner, who reveals that Dean is probably most afraid of people leaving him (be still my 19-year-old heart).
Wasn’t mad about this bit...
Coulda done without this bit tho...
In “Hookman”...alright, you kinda got me on “Hookman”, but we do get the first appearance of the rocksalt shotgun and Sam talks with a girl about her dad issues which is really Sam talking about his own dad issues in the language of tv shows. Also, he maybe starts to move on from Jessica???? It’s unclear, and also a little weird but I guess he’s only 22 and that’s not that far off from 18/19.
Really, WB?? Sneaking into sorority houses?
And then in “Bugs”, yes, even in “Bugs”, we get juicy little bit of tension between the brothers as they advise some teen boy about family dynamics. The fight shows a lot about what each character feels about their own experiences growing up the way they did, how they manage the expectations from their own father, and how they believe those family dynamics should exist. I mean I guess you could also argue this is the episode that plants the seed for Wincest, but I don’t really want to go there, let’s not talk about it.
This kid’s like, “This is...not a conversation about me and MY dad, is it?”
So they could be worse. I mean the last two definitely aren’t great, and we’ll see how they measure up to the Monster Truck episode later in the season, but they’re not bad episodes.
So let’s flash forward to Now again - have we seen the end of Filler Episodes?
As I have mentioned in previous posts and will probably continue mentioning in future posts, the 22 episode season is not the norm anymore. A lot of articles I’ve read point to Breaking Bad as the first American show to really break that mold. Breaking Bad released only 7 episodes in it’s first season in 2007. When you’ve cut your story down that much, there’s no room for filler - you’re basically producing a 7 hour movie.
Now notice I said American TV show. I’m pretty sure for most of the rest of the world, 22 episodes is way outside the norm, but really I can only speak to UK TV. Seasons in the UK do not last as long as seasons in America. Doctor Who, one of, if not the, longest running show on BBC, aired its first season with 42 episodes, which is mind boggling. But since the series revived in 2005, it hasn’t had more than 13 episodes in a season. Spooks/MI5 never had more than 10 episodes. The IT Crowd only aired 6 episodes per season. Broadchurch had only 8. And because I must complete the Superwholock trifecta, Sherlock seasons were only 3 episodes a piece. These are the shows that spring to mind while I’m writing this, but you get the idea.
So why does American broadcast TV have such long seasons? Well, the answer is: moneymoneymoney.
We live in an age of “prestige” TV. Some throw around “Golden Era”, but there’s been like, a Golden Era of television every 10 years since tv’s became household commodities, so that phrase basically means nothing. TV today is more similar to long-form film making than it was a decade ago. We associate terms like “film” with other terms like “art”, and sometimes we forget that television is, and always was, a business. It’s a business that’s making a lot of money entertaining you for hours on end, but a business nonetheless. I’d argue that it doesn’t mean it’s not art, but I don’t think we can separate the art and entertainment value of tv from its actual monetary value.
Strategically, the 22-episode season was to get a show to a magical number of total episodes - 100. Once you hit the 100th episode, somewhere around season 5 (thanks math), then you can sell the show in syndicated reruns. This is also referred to as second-run syndication or off-network syndication. When a show is syndicated, that means the production company that produces the show can now sell the right to air episodes to other channels. Think channels like TBS or TNT or even USA Network - they don’t really dabble in producing their own content, they just repackage content from other networks to plug in to empty slots in their programming. And because these channels can air episodes 5 days a week, 365 days a year, that means the production company can actually make more money by selling the show in syndication than when they sold the show to the primary network. The more episodes you have in a season, the faster you get to syndication, and sometimes that means a show that’s on the brink of cancellation due to poor numbers may still get greenlit for another season or two if they’re closer to that magic 100th episode. For a show like Supernatural, that has a very procedural, not-super-heavy-mythos, structure, you can do very well in syndication. Just cuz another network agreed to air your show doesn’t mean they agreed to air it in order, so procedurals work better in syndication than your season-arc shows do. And that’s why we have episodes like Bugs, that have nothing to do with the overarching plot of the season and also phone in some questionable CGI.
Apparently they DID use real bugs to shoot this scene and everyone got bit to hell but the bugs didn’t show up good and they went with CG anyway?!?
But these days, you don’t have to hit 100 episodes. Sometimes only 80 episodes will do. Sometimes, you run a streaming site and you don’t have to worry about reruns at all because your revenue isn’t generated from air time or even ads, but from subscription prices. Honestly, when you think of it that way, it makes way more sense to greenlight shorter seasons so that you have the budget to buy more and more diverse shows that will appeal to a broader audience of viewers.
So if Supernatural was produced today, would we get these off-shoot, self-contained episodes that have little to do with the plot of finding Sam and Dean’s dad? It’s hard to say. Knowing what I do about Kripke’s original plans for the show and his thoughts on procedural standalone episodes in general, its possible that he’d still try for a traditional season aired on a traditional TV network. But in that same interview I quoted above, he also mentions that the only way to get into a show with a heavy mythos is to buy the DVDs. We don’t need DVDs anymore - we have Netflix. And Hulu and Prime and any number of other streaming services that pick up any show they can get just to have a larger library of content and attract new viewers. I think a good indicator of what Supernatural would look like if it aired today is Hulu’s Helstrom - a show about two siblings with a childhood marked by strange and terrible happenings, who spend the season trying to defeat an evil demon. This show is a Hulu original that dropped all 10 episodes on October 16, 2020, and damn if that doesn’t sound familiar. I told a friend, “it’s like Supernatural but more emotions.” (Her response was, MORE emotions?!?!?) And before you dive down the rabbit hole, the characters in Helstrom made their debut in a Marvel comic back in the 70’s, so you can just chalk it up to nothing new under the sun.
Big Mood, guys. Big Mood.
I’ll close this one by reiterating I don’t mind a filler episode. Some fillers can be weird and great and wonderful. I’d say “Tales of Ba Sing Se” (Avatar the Last Air Bender, Season 2) is a great example - with the possible exception of Appa, the vignettes presented in “Tales” are basically side quests that have nothing to do with the main quest of season 2 and only serve to develop characters. The stories are sweet and touching and also light and fun.
I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying! It’s ok, I’m also crying.
And the longer a show runs, the more likely you are to run into these fillers - episodes that take a break from the main action to bring something that’s new and out of the box and possibly/probably writers getting bored with the every-day formula of the show. I think season 1 of Supernatural does a decent job of balancing the two styles of episode so that neither gets boring. In fact, I’m pretty Supernatural was what taught me the difference between the two episode styles in the first place. And the first time around, I was hyped for those season arc episodes, because back in the late 2000’s, I hadn’t seen a lot of TV content like that. Now, 15 years on and mired in a sea of seasons that stick mainly to a season arc story with little to no room for breathing, I think that if all TV became nothing but season arc episodes...well, it’d get pretty boring.
#Supernatural#Supernatural Season 1#Bloody Mary#Hookman#Bugs#Skin#Jensen Ackles#jared padalecki#kripke#helstrom#Filler episodes#TV#TV history#Supernatural Rewatch#CW#Sam#Dean#Winchesters
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Not-so-quick guide to my OCs that I sometimes talk about here! xD So... Echo and Meredith, really. Plus a bonus one! Plus new art! :D
Warning, this is gonna be long so I put it under a cut :)
Anyway, because he’s the one that will definitely be mentioned most here, let’s start with..
Echo~
(I didn’t say anything about the quality of the new art xD)
Echo is my persona/self insert character..... he’s really just an alternate version of me (I like to think he’s my Alola form :3)
And like me he’s lonely so he has imaginary friends to keep him going, his current one being Loki ‘cause my current obsession is Loki
Echo is kinda hard to explain because everything about him fluctuates depending on my mood.. there are different versions of him and he doesn’t exactly have a set story or universe.. (For instance I didn’t create him specifically to hang out with Loki, but when I needed a friend I gave him Loki as an imaginary one)
Anyway! Some basic facts! He’s ace/aro, and agenderfluid (questioning?), with he/him pronouns (they/them is safe too though)
Kinda short, 5′2″ ish
Around my age, 17-20, but the mental age of anywhere from 8-17 ish.... he’s always kind of childish but how extreme varies from moment to moment
He’s AFAB but I usually draw him flat-chested because I use him as a way to combat dysphoria so, should anyone else want to draw him, best to draw him flat-chested
Loves trying on clothes! (Mainly because I like a lot of clothes but pretty much exclusively wear pajamas so... yeah I use my OCs as models)
Quiet, non-verbal in some versions (in which case he’ll write in a notepad to communicate), very shy
Sometimes makes clicking noises to calm himself
Daydreams a lot, also sleeps a lot
Gets upset over dumb things... and he’s scared of everything
Doesn’t really like being touched but sometimes snuggles Loki when he’s upset
He’s probably autistic
Probably also has borderline personality disorder.. but I’m unsure about giving him the disorders I think I have, because I don’t actually have a diagnosis (scared of doctors).. nonetheless, a lot of the symptoms that come with those disorders, he has
Likes to draw and his muse is Loki
Likes bugs, especially butterflies
Collects rocks
Eats goldfish crackers
Has really bad posture
Okay at this point I’m just adding random facts about me which is probably weird idk xD I don’t know what more to say about him soo yeah... this is my weird persona
aand next up-
Meredith~
(I liked how this art turned out tbh and I might repost it on my other blog..)
Meredith is an OC insert specifically for Marvel Cinematic Universe
She’s dating Loki, and you’ll find a lot more about her and Loki at @cuddly-loki! (It’s my blog specifically for them! :D)
Buuuut I do mention her here occasionally because I love her (and there are definitely traces of her from when this blog was cuddly-loki), so I’m including her in this :3
She’s not really into labels but she is kinda gendermeh, I think of her as a nonbinary woman (...or soft butch, but I call her that mostly when Loki happens to swap genders), but she just uses she/her pronouns
Again, meh about labels but she has dated both feminine and masculine people, and she doesn’t really experience physical attraction the same as most people
Kinda goth, dresses mostly in greyscale colours and in kind of goth/punk clothes I guess (also, she prefers androgynous clothes)
Really affectionate with people close to her, close friends and her boyfriend of course :3 (mild PDA does not make her uncomfortable but it sure does irritate Loki)
Quiet, but not shy- she’ll talk to anyone probably but she’d rather watch them until it makes them uncomfortable xD
Once you get past the being weird or goth to creep you out though, she’s very soft and pretty nice (even if still a little dark)
She’s an aspiring musician.. sorta. She plays violin and loves music.. but also has a weird relationship with music, we’ll just leave it at that for now
Works night shift as a bartender
Likes horror movies
Favourite food is pizza
Loves birds
Doesn’t like technology very much
She has a lineup of mental disorders too I’m sure, she’s an ex junkie for one and likes to feel numb to things..
Also has persistent insomnia, either related to her depression or depression meds, who knows
Lives in her apartment with a couple plants and Loki, who is still adjusting to Earth life
Like mentioned above you can find more of Meredith at my blog @cuddly-loki and if you ask questions about her or her and Loki I will probably be very happy :)
Side note: Meredith is not meant to be a self insert but we do have things in common, and I’d probably get along with her. She’s pretty chill and gets along with most people though haha
A little bonus one, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned her here before but just in case
Gwyneth~
(Okay this turned out a little messy but ehh. It was kind of just from memory, I might have still had references for her but I lost them when my jumpdrive quit so meh)
She’s a dead character that I don’t use anymore and won’t be using anymore but on the off chance I’ve mentioned her or do mention her, I’ll go ahead and add her to this as a little bonus
I created her when I first started obsessing over Loki, and she was a self insert I used to selfship romantically with him... it was okay for a brief time but in the end I hated it. It’s hard to explain, kind of personal.. but for one thing, I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic. I love soft romance stuff but I don’t really want to be part of it.
...And that’s why I killed Gwyneth and created Meredith ehehe
I’m gonna talk about her a little anyway, for one, she was an artist/painter
She liked to take pictures of strangers to paint them and I’m pretty sure that’s how she met Loki (AKA the weirdo on the sidewalk in the all black suit)
I honestly don’t remember what her actual income came from, maybe she was on disability, Idk
Anyway she was a mess. Severely depressed. Couldn’t really keep herself together.
She hid behind jokes and sarcasm though, so no one really knew how bad she was (even Loki, for a time)
She would climb trees which annoyed Loki a little bit, turns out trickster gods don’t enjoy having to climb trees just to talk to their girlfriends
Wore a trench coat as kind of a comfort item (because that’s what I did at that time)
Often got lost in daydreams...
Scared of most things...
Yeah you’ll notice she’s a lot like Echo (even the hair- pbbt). I’ve had a lot of self inserts over the years, killed off when my anxiety convinced me I was being cringey or when they didn’t feel like me anymore.. with Gwyneth it was maybe a tiny bit those things but also other stuff, like being aromantic questioning. Creating Echo was a new start for me because it was more of an exploration of where I’m comfy gender-wise... and, unlike most of my other self inserts, I don’t really age him up. But most importantly... he’s very emotionally messy but he doesn’t hide it (or else he doesn’t hide it well) because one of my things is I need to at least pretend that people would still love me if they knew how sad and broken I am. So.. yes, Echo is a sensitive character, he upsets easily and he’s usually pretty sad.. but that’s kind of the point, because he’s still loved.
.....Anyway sorry for going back to Echo. I don’t have a lot more to say about Gwyneth - she’s dead and not coming back - but she was a stepping stone to where I’m currently comfortable so, RIP Gwyneth I suppose :)
On the page I drew them on it’s kinda funny because it looks like Meredith and Echo are very uncomfortable that Gwyneth is there (which was only semi-intentional ehehe)
Echo looks cautiously curious but Meredith looks very awkward like “Oh.. so you’re back...” ..she’s hiding something... And Gwyneth’s like “So... how’s Loki been?” xD
All these characters are obviously kinda similar which is part of why I put them all here (....clearly I have an obsession with blue hair but shhh), also their connections to Loki, haha.... Meredith is definitely the most connected, Echo’s Loki isn’t real and Gwyneth is dead, so... yeah.
Anyway hopefully this was a little helpful. I might make better guides for Meredith and Echo sometime but for now this works. Also, always feel free to ask questions about them!! :)
#I had to keep adding stuff for echo to make up for the fact that I CANNOT stop myself from rambling about meredith xD#oh you wanna hear about echo? LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MEREDITH#pffft#but seeing as how echo will be on this blog a lot more I tried to give him the longest description thing#also I think I'll make a proper profile/reference thing for meredith sometime so I'm not gonna worry about putting this on cuddly-loki#...maybe the meredith drawing though :3#giraffe rambles#long post#my ocs#echo#meredith#gwyneth
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98 that’s a lot of questions I wonder if you could answer them all 🤔🙃
*Deep sigh and putting my hands together* BOI IF YOU DON’T THINK I CAN ANSWER ALL THESE BITCHES!! YOU COME INTO MY ASK BOX AND TELL ME “i WONDER” HOE DON’T WONDER ANYMORE.
don’t come for me like this anon.....here ya go.
smh
i answered all of these and it took forever so yall better read this shit
enjoy bitch
--
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
-Mugs
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
-both im a sugar addict
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
-bubblegum
4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?
-prob either really quiet or really loud
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
-I hate soda
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
-I really like pastel and goth styles
7. earbuds or headphones?
-earbuds
8. movies or tv shows?
-Both
9. favorite smell in the summer?
-Vanilla
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
-Flag Football (stealing the flags) and badminton
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
-dont really eat in the mornings but prob granola bar or left overs
12. name of your favorite playlist?
-Shower lol
13. lanyard or key ring?
-lanyard
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
-Sour gummi worms..that shit is CRACK
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
-Great Gatsby
16. most comfortable position to sit in?
-apple sauce or on one leg
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
-all black converse
18. ideal weather?
-warm and sunny
19. sleeping position?
-stomach, side, in a ball
20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?
-Laptop or phone
21. obsession from childhood?
-My little pony, littlest pet shop, Disney, elephants, Chinese food
22. role model?
-Tara Strong, Walt Disney, Francis Dominic
23. strange habits?
-tugging my hair, biting my nails, wiggling on my heels like a penguin and going up stairs on all fours (when im home)
24. favorite crystal?
-answered
25. first song you remember hearing?
-American idiot- Green Day
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
-Eat
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
-Eat
28. five songs to describe you?
-idk Cartoon theme songs lol
29. best way to bond with you?
-make me laugh or talk about disney
30. places that you find sacred?
-Flower gardens
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
-anything with my high heel boots
32. top five favorite vines?
-Road Work Ahead, Oh my god he on X Game mode, What the Fuck Richard, This house is fucking nightmare!, Happy one year babe! Im 27.
33. most used phrase in your phone?
-YEET, Yall and bitch
34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?
-Stanley Steamer, The First5California.com song
35. average time you fall asleep?
-now its 12 am -1 am... use to be like 10pm
36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?
-oh god that was so long ago i dont even know but it was one of the first ones like pepe or some some
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
-suitcase
38. lemonade or tea?
-raspberry ice tea
39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?
-dont like lemon in my desserts
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
-A condom was thrown on my desk in french class (it was unopened thank god)
41. last person you texted?
-my mom
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
-Jacket pockets
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
-HOODIE
44. favorite scent for soap?
-Vanilla or tropical
45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
-Superhero
46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
-Big shirt and no shorts (underwear obvi)
47. favorite type of cheese?
-I fucking hate cheese
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
-Strawberry or Lemon
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
-Its always fun to do the impossible- Walt Disney
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
-For my birthday my friend got my a “Sorry for your loss” card and i cried for 30 mins
51. current stresses?
-um everything..college and being the only snacc in my household
52. favorite font?
-comic sans
53. what is the current state of your hands?
-Still have both of them
54. what did you learn from your first job?
-That people are assholes
55. favorite fairy tale?
-Disneys Rapunzel
56. favorite tradition?
- My grandma got all the grandkids pjs on Christmas eve every year and we would wear them to sleep
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
-Anxiety, Depression (sorta), Dropping my churro on the ground at Disneyland
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
-Quick Wit, Art abilities?, Standing on my head and making weird ass noises
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
-Already answered
60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?
-A really cool and cute magical one!!
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
-From Once Upon A Time, honestly they ave the best quotes. “So when I win your heart, Emma- and i will win it-it will not be because of any trickery, but because you want me”- Killian orrrrrrr He smells like forest”- Regina
62. seven characters you relate to?
-Juvia (FairyTail), Star (SVTFOE), Mabel (Gravity Falls), Maybec (Kingdom Keepers, sassy and artistic), Bubbles and Blossom (PPG) and Belle (beauty and the beast)
63. five songs that would play in your club?
-Boyfriend: BTR, Dancings not a crime: Panic!, Bang bang: Jessie, Ari and Nicki, Read you, wrote you: Drag race lol and Busted from Phineas and Ferb because I can
64. favorite website from your childhood?
-Webkinz, PetPetPark (STILL SALTY ABOUT IT) Club Penguin, Build a bear, Poptropica, i played every game yall
65. any permanent scars?
-only emotionally
66. favorite flower(s)?
-Roses and water lilies..and every flower cause they pretty.. oh Dahlias too
67. good luck charms?
-petting my dogs.
68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?
-Mango anything or Cherry. I hate cherry flavoring.
69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
-I have a great memory so i usually remember how i learned it, but.. Did you know that the water on the Jungle Cruise in Disneyland is 3 feet deep and dyed brown? Plus the water in all the parks is a special mix that doesn't contain chlorine because alot of people are allergic so its safe to touch? (learn from a disney doc)
70. left or right handed?
-right
71. least favorite pattern?
-those ugly ones on leggings.
72. worst subject?
-Math or english (haha and i like to write)
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
-Grapes and teriyaki sauce. if they on the plate. ill just dip them in. I have an addiction to teriyaki sauce.
74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?
-I dont take any unless I have my period and my cramps are usually at a 10 so i try and take it when they at a 5
75. when did you lose your first tooth?
-when i was young
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
-I LOVE potatos: Fries and mash are best plus baked. I HATE chips thou
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
-Any bright flower or ivy
78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?
-coffee, dont like sushi
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
-AHHHH my license is soooooo bad. I had strips of red in my hair (got it when i was 15-16) and i didnt know they took your pic at your permit test. Its awful. School is def better and my senior photo pops.
80. earth tones or jewel tones?
-Jewel
81. fireflies or lightning bugs?
-Fireflys (arent they the same?)
82. pc or console?
-Console
83. writing or drawing?
-Both but im better at writing
84. podcasts or talk radio?
-Podcasts but I dont listen to alot.
84. barbie or polly pocket?
-I played more with Littlest Pet Shop and My Little Pony lol (i have 400) prob Barbie thou
85. fairy tales or mythology?
-oooooooofffff cant decide
86. cookies or cupcakes?
-oooooff i love both but cupcakes
87. your greatest fear?
-wasting my life away.....or heights...certain bugs
88. your greatest wish?
-to be happy and have all my dreams (life, job, romance,etc) happen. Plus going to every Disney Park in the world.
89. who would you put before everyone else?
-Depends on the situation but sometimes you need to take care of yourself before others. If you arent doing good, how the hell you suppose to take care of others.
90. luckiest mistake?
-hmmm idk being born
91. boxes or bags?
-depends on what im carrying but prob bags
92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
-I love fairy lights
93. nicknames?
-any mispronunciation of my name, Dean, Big D (yes people call me this), Star, Sassafras and some more that yall dont get to know :) You can give me a nickname if ya want
94. favorite season?
-Spring and Summer
95. favorite app on your phone?
-Tumblr, Snapchat, Tsum Tsum
96. desktop background?
- Its items from super mario and mario kart
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
- Eight
98. favorite historical era?
-oof im a history buff but I do love Greek and Roman because I love mythology...Maybe even 1800s.
hi if you got to the end of this then I love you and for proof leave me a 🐰
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A continuation of NYU!AU
After their trip to Jamaica, getting back into school mode is hard. Santana feels like she missed a lot of time that she could be writing papers and she spends a lot of time holed up in the library. When she comes back to their dorm at night, she’s exhausted and more often than not collapses right into bed while Brittany is still working on math stuff at her computer. The days ticking down to summer vacation make her feel dizzy and anxious but she knows that she can’t just abandon her school work to spend every possible second with Brittany.
When they finally think they’re going to have a Saturday off together, Brittany ends up having to go to some math conference at Brooklyn College and Santana is mopey when she leaves. She knows that she could use the time to get ahead on her work, but instead, she texts Marley to see if she wants to meet downtown. When Marley agrees to do brunch with her, she takes a shower and gets ready, figuring she’ll be back by mid-afternoon when Brittany should be done.
“Santana!” Marley calls out from a table in the restaurant and Santana goes over to her quickly and shimmies into the booth. “Who would have thought we’d be in the same city and have so little time to see each other?”
“It’s been nuts! I live with Brittany and I hardly ever see her.”
“Where is she? I thought you might bring her.”
“She’s at a math conference in Brooklyn. We’ll hopefully get to have dinner together for the first time since we were in Jamaica.”
“You don’t even know how jealous I am of your trip. My mom couldn’t afford to fly me home for break, so I pretty much sat in my dorm and did homework.”
“As amazing as my trip was, I could have really used the extra homework time.” Santana shakes her head. “Jeeze, I’ve hardly even been on Tumblr.”
“I noticed. Everyone sends me asks when they don’t hear from you.”
“Let’s make a post now.” Santana turns on her selfie camera and leans over the table, snapping the shot and posting the photo with the caption Don’t worry guys, Marley found me.
They have a really nice brunch and Santana tells Marley all about her drunken escapade in Jamaica while Marley tells Santana about the girl she kinda sorta met. When they’re finished, Marley tells Santana she has a paper to write and that she can’t stick around and Santana goes back to her dorm. She lays on the bed reading Henry James’ Washington Square while she waits for Brittany to get home. When she hears the key in the door she tries to finish the chapter she’s working on as quickly as possible.
“Babes.” Brittany smiles, looking really sexy in the blazer she wore for her conference. “I thought you might still be out.”
“Marley’s swamped with work too, I’m glad I at least didn’t have to spend the morning feeling bad for myself that you weren’t here. How was the conference?”
“Very mathy.” She laughs and crawls on the bed and over Santana to kiss her. “But good. Do you have to read all day?”
“Nope, this is actually for two weeks from now, so I have some time. Does this mean we actually get to hang out?”
“Miracle of miracles.” Brittany shrugs off her blazer and pulls her bra out of her sleeve. “Actually, I need to take off these pants too.”
“So I assume we’re staying in?” Santana chuckles.
“Totally. It’s like, torrentially raining out there now and I really don’t feel like wearing a bra anymore, so I say we order Chinese, watch a movie and make out.”
“Have I told you that you’re the best roommate ever?”
“Um, obviously.” Brittany stands up, unbuttons her blouse and looks entirely too sexy topless for Santana to even handle. “You have to change into your pajamas too.”
“One of us has to go downstairs to get the food.”
“I don’t care, I’ll go braless. It’s just the lobby.”
Brittany changes into boxers and an NYU sweatshirt and finally convinced Santana to get her pajamas on despite the fact that it’s only four o’clock in the afternoon. They get into bed together and Santana rests her head on Brittany’s chest, listening to her heart. She feels so at peace like that, just cuddled up in her girlfriend’s arms and she sighs contentedly, leaning up to kiss the bottom of Brittany’s chin. She barely notices the movie on in the background, she’s just so wrapped up in Brittany.
“Are you getting hungry?” Santana asks after the movie is over.
“I should eat.” Brittany nods, looking off in the distance.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, I just think that I might have forgotten to eat yesterday.”
“Britt.”
“It’s not a big deal.” She shakes her head. “I just got so wrapped up in math stuff and didn’t have any snacks on me and...I honestly shouldn’t be making excuses.”
“I know the stress of school is getting to you and I have a lot going on, but we should get up five minutes earlier in the morning and pack snacks. We have a ton in the closet...”
“I don’t want you to worry about me.”
“I know and I’m not going to make a big deal out of this because I can tell that it’s not a thing you need a big deal made out of, but I want you to know that you can talk to me if it becomes a thing.”
“I never want to go through hospitalization for anorexia again, I promise. I’ve been really good.” Brittany holds her breath and Santana watches her.
“Trust me, Britt, I know. And I know that you wouldn’t bring this up if you were trying to hide something from me.”
“I wouldn’t. You’ve been so good about it and I want to be honest with you.”
“I want you to always know that you can be honest with me.” Santana kisses her gently. “I’m not going to judge you if you’re going through something, but I’ll always make sure you get the help you need.”
“I know and I love you for that. But right now I just need some dinner.”
Santana pulls up the DoorDash menu and they add their items to the cart quickly. Brittany insists on paying because she said she’d really wanted to take Santana out for a nice dinner but weather and her unwillingness to put on pants prevented that. Letting Brittany stay pantsless even though she’d said she’d go downstairs, Santana pulls a sweatshirt over her shirt and goes to get the food. Though Santana is usually a little bit opposed to it, they spread the food out on the bed and Santana smiles a little watching Brittany take a big bite of her egg roll.
“Can we go to the Met tomorrow, or is your life too overwhelming?” Brittany asks mid-bite.
“I should honestly work on this paper, but I think it can wait. We haven’t had a museum date in awhile and I feel like looking at the period rooms will just give me inspiration.”
“You’re obsessed with the period rooms.” Brittany laughs.
“Well they’re obviously the best part. If I wasn’t gay...or brown...or a woman, I’d want to live in one of those colonial rooms.”
“I personally like running water and not wearing corsets. Also you hate wearing dresses.”
“Like I said, if I wasn’t a woman. I bet I could totally rock those tights and britches.”
“I’m not going to argue with that.” Brittany shook her head. “But then again, I think you could rock anything.”
“I also would love to sleep in tomorrow. I feel like I’ve been getting up at the crack of dawn to sneak off to the library and today I was up early because you were up. I just want to stay cuddled up with you until we absolutely have to get out of bed.”
“I could totally be down with that.” Brittany agrees and then the lights flicker in their room before they go out completely.
“Oh my God, did we just lose power?” Santana’s eyes widen and she looks around, realizing that she can’t see anything.
“I’ll find the candles with the flashlight on my phone, just stay put.”
“How romantic.” Santana laughs as the glow of Brittany’s phone alights the room and before she knows it, there are candles lit all over. “Actually, this is really romantic.”
“Candle light dinner, the sounds of college students screaming in the hallway.”
“Are we the only ones not freaking out?”
“It sure sounds like it. I think it’s kind of cozy. Much better than this happening in the summer like it always used to when I was a kid. Not having air conditioning was always torture.” Brittany laments. “Very much like your Colonial fantasy.”
“Shut up. Let’s just finish eating so we can take full advantage of cuddling by candlelight.”
After they finish up their dinner, Santana gets rid of the trash and washes her hands before she crawls under the covers with Brittany. The sound of the rain and the flicker of the candles makes curling up in Brittany’s arms an even safer place than it usually is and Santana slips off her glasses, letting the glow of the candles blur before her eyes.
“I can’t believe we lost power.” Santana murmurs.
“I listened to this podcast about how all of the New York City powerlines are underground, I don’t even know how this happened.”
“Flooding, maybe. It’s really coming down out there.”
“I’m very happy that we’re not outside and I get to hold you close.” Brittany affirms. “This is my happy place.”
“You don’t think we should go down and check with security, do you?” Santana starts to worry, reaching for her glasses again before Brittany stills her hand.
“There are probably a zillion people down there fighting for space at the desk. I think we’re good right here.”
“Okay...” Santana hesitates a little. “You know I get nervous about things.”
“I do.” Brittany nods. “But I’ll obviously keep you safe.”
“I know you will. And it is nice and warm in your arms.”
“Yeah, see. If you go downstairs it’s going to be freezing and wet and smelly.”
“You smell nice.” Santana inhales Brittany and she grins in the low light.
“Thank you for talking to me before, Santana. It’s just nice to know that someone takes me seriously.”
“I think a lot of people take you seriously.”
“Maybe now, about math stuff, but I just...remember in high school how people thought I had an eating disorder for attention. Even after I got out of the hospital, there were all of these terrible whispers about me. It wasn’t something I could ever trust anyone enough to talk about.”
“Isn’t it important for you to be able to talk about it?”
“That’s what the doctors told me, but I felt weird talking to my mom and I never had anyone else to really go to. Even Kitty, who I guess was my closest friend...I just never felt safe telling her anything serious.”
“I don’t think that’s fair. You deserve people in your life who you can trust.” Santana furrows her brow.
“I’m like...the party girl I guess, people stick by me because I’m a good time. When anything real is going on with me, they aren’t real friends.”
“I always thought it was easy to be popular. When I was sitting by myself at lunch, I’d stare longingly at everyone surrounded by people and wish I had friends like that.”
“So much of it is fake. You’re the first person I’ve ever known who sees the real me.”
“That makes me sad.” Santana sighs. “You deserve better.”
“I found better. You’re not just my girlfriend, Santana. You’re my best friend in the world.”
“You’re my best friend too, Britt. I know I have Marley, but it’s different with you. You know me inside and out.”
Brittany doesn’t say anything else. She just kisses Santana and before either of them know it, their clothes are off and they lay completely bared to each other on the comforter of their bed. Santana crawls on top of Brittany and she admires her body in the soft glow of the candlelight. She watches the way Brittany’s throat moves when she kisses the top of her breasts, she watches the way her fingers open and close before she weaves them through Santana’s hair. She watches the way her chest rises and falls as she takes a pale nipple between her lips. She watches the way her lips part as she kisses lower and lower. She watches the way Brittany glistens between her thighs as she spreads her legs apart.
“You’re beautiful.” Santana whispers. “Every bit of you.”
“You remind me of that.” Brittany breathes. “Even when I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see.”
“I’ll always be here to remind you.” She presses a soft kiss to Brittany’s sex and feels the way her hips arch up, aching for more.
Santana makes love to Brittany in the slowest, most reverent way. She can’t imagine ever doing this without feelings because every touch of skin on skin, every hitch of Brittany’s breath, every soft caress of her face reminds her that she is cherished. When Brittany falls apart, Santana finds her hand and she meets her eyes, making Brittany see the love in her own as she pleasures her with her mouth. She knows Brittany has had others besides her and sometimes she’s uncertain if she’s skilled enough but in this moment, she knows that she’s giving Brittany something that she only has with her.
After Brittany rolls Santana onto her back and makes her every nerve ending buzz, they lay side by side in silence, hearts still pounding, toes still tingling. Their fingers are woven together and Santana has her head on Brittany’s chest, listening to the sound of her heart. There’s noise outside the door as people still panic about the lack of electricity, but for Santana, the world has stopped and she’s just in a state of bliss with the love of her life.
“I don’t want to leave you for the summer.” She murmurs. “I’m going to miss you every day.”
“We did okay last summer. We’ll visit each other as much as we possibly can.”
“It makes my heart hurt thinking about it. I know my mom is counting down the days until I come home, but all I do is dread that the days are passing so quickly. I feel like I’m home with you, here.”
“We’re going to build a home together once we graduate.” Brittany promises. “I’ll go with you wherever you decide to get your PhD. We’ll live in a tiny, crappy apartment and we’ll love every second of it.”
“Why do you think my dreams are bigger than yours?”
“Because they are. Math isn’t my dream, it’s just something I’m good at. I’ll find a place to do that wherever you are. I think you’re my biggest dream.”
“I want to help you find a dream as big as mine.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever find that. You’ve known what you wanted to do for almost all of your life. I spent most of mine thinking I’d just work at a chicken factory or something.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t find one now.” Santana shakes her head.
“I don’t mind doing math forever. As long as I get to dance for fun and be with you. I don’t have to have some big dream, I just want to be happy.”
“You sound like Blair from The Facts of Life.”
“I can honestly say I’ve never seen that show.”
“Oh my God Britt, really? It’s like the gayest show ever.”
“Isn’t it super old?”
“Yeah and super gay. We’re totally going to watch it.”
“Not right now though. I mean, we don’t have electricity anyway, but also I don’t want to move.”
“I’m good with not moving ever again.” Santana smiles. “I love when you hold me like this.”
“You’re such a tiny spoon. I love that I get to cuddle with you.”
“Sometimes I can’t believe that I was scared us living together wasn’t going to work out.”
“Because you’re silly.” Brittany laughs. “Also, this is your first relationship so I get it.”
“I just don’t want anything to ever mess us up. You mean too much to me.”
“You mean that much to me too.”
“It’s really storming out there.” Santana turns her head to the window. “If it’s still raining like this tomorrow, I think we should stay naked in bed all day.”
“I’m suddenly regretting that we planned to go to the Met. I didn’t know naked all day was an option.”
“Well considering I’m not sure if I’ll be able to walk tomorrow...”
“Was I too rough with you?” Worry crosses Brittany’s face and Santana kisses her chin.
“You always make sure you’re not. It was just really good.”
“We’re good together.”
“We seriously are though.”
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i love the idea of dean high and fuzzy while watching shitty movies and kinda jerking off but not really committed enough to call it that, just sorta there but also not
(read on AO3)
Sam grinds the heel of his hand into his eye, trying to concentrate.His essay on Marbury v. Madison isn't going to write itself, even if they alreadywent over judicial review at his last school, but he's read the relevant sectionsin his government textbook about five times and it's not really inspiring him. Hisstudy environment isn't exactly helping.
"Come on, dork," Dean says, plopping back onto hishalf of the couch. He kicks his socked feet up onto the egg-crate coffee tableand cracks open his next beer. "Aren't you done with your homework yet?You're supposed to be good at this stuff."
"I am," Samsays, sliding a leg over to kick Dean in the thigh. Dean just grins and pincheshis Achilles tendon, eyes still on the TV. Sam yanks his foot back, irritated.It's late, and he's tired, and the Seagal movie on the free channels is likeextra-stupid right now, and this essay isn't even due until Friday. There's notmuch else to do, though. Their little studio apartment doesn't have anywhere tobe alone except the bathroom, and if he spends too long in there Dean alwaysgets that stupid grin on his face and asks Sam if he's getting friction burns,and even if Sam's well-used to Dean's jerky big brother crap he still blushes,and then—
So, no privacy in the studio. Dad's been gone for a week,and isn't going to be back for at least one more—which probably means a month,but that's okay with Sam. At least he might actually get to finish out the semesterat this school. He turns back to the beginning of the chapter while a bunch ofpeople die on TV, and Dean snorts and mutters, "Yeah, real nice trigger discipline,idiot," and Sam rolls his eyes and sticks his pencil into the book as amarker.
"Why do you bother watching these movies if they're so dumb?"he says, and drops the book the floor next to the couch.
Dean actually looks at him, surprised. "Are you kidding?"he says. On screen, Seagal does some kind of goofy karate chop move and the extrahe's fighting goes down like a lead weight. "This is great!"
Sam sighs and grabs his backpack, and decamps to the queenbed shoved into the corner, where he can't see the TV. He can't believe they'restuck in Butte of all places in December. Three days of snow and it's way toocold to go outside, and the channels suck, and he's just tired of this crap. Hepulls out the battered copy of EthanFrome they're reading for English and props it open against his knees, witha sigh.
"Hey," Dean says. Sam looks up to find Dean watchinghim, frowning a little.
"What?" he says.
Dean opens his mouth, and then closes it again. Sam raiseshis eyebrows and Dean hesitates, and then just shakes his head and takes aswallow from the beer can. "Don't hog all the covers," he says,spreading out on the couch now that he's got the whole thing. "I don'twant to have to drop you into the snowdrift outside."
"Like you even could," Sam says, but under hisbreath. He finds where he left off reading and settles more firmly into theirtwo stolen pillows, trying to get comfortable. If Dean comes to bed, he's goingto have to wrestle Sam for them.
*
Sam comes awake all at once, interrupted from a weird dreamabout snow and sledding and his English teacher being his dad and Dean with a ruinedleg. He blinks into the pillow and wipes his mouth, disoriented and too-warm. There'sa bunch of noise—oh, the TV. Still on, and playing a too-loud commercial. Theblankets are pulled over him, somehow, his book tucked safely to the side, buthe's still wearing all his clothes. The little bedside alarm clock says it'sonly one in the morning, but still—
"Dean," he mumbles, and drags up onto one elbow.He knuckles some grit out of his eye, groggy. "Are you seriously stillwatching that crap?"
The lights are all off, but the TV's still bright and blue-white,flickery over the bare wall and couch and where Dean's slumped back, sprawledand shadowy. "You're supposed to be sleeping," he says, barelyaudible under the commercial chattering about dishsoap, or whatever it is.
"Well, I was,"Sam mutters, and sits up fully, pushing away the too-warm blankets. He pullsoff his socks and jeans and overshirt, so he's just in boxers and t-shirt, sweatclinging in his pits and the back of his neck. The apartment building hasreally good heating, which is—well, better than freezing, at least. His mouthis fuzzy, too-dry, and he stands up, stretching slowly, and takes a deep breathbefore he wrinkles his nose. "Dude," he says, "it reeks inhere."
He shuffles over to the tiny kitchenette on the far wall andfills a glass of water, while Dean softly laughs. A few gulps sink icy-colddown to his belly and he leans against the counter, wiping his eye again andchecking out the TV. Dean's practically horizontal, one leg up on the egg-crateand the other splayed wide on the floor, body half-hidden by the couch arm. Hedoesn't recognize the movie that's on now, although the acting's really bad.Par for the course with most movies Dean watches, really. He sniffs again."Seriously, what is that,"he says, "did you eat super bad Chinese while I was asleep orsomething?"
Dean lets out a low chuckle. "Sammy, you're not exactlya party kid, are you," he says, lazy, and then he picks up—oh. A red glow betweenhis fingers as he takes a drag and holds it, and then a slow plume of smoke ashe exhales, and Sam knows what cigarettes smell like and this isn't it.
He licks his lips. "Is that—um." He feels off-balance,suddenly, and weird. "Is that marijuana?"
Dean laughs, again, and Sam feels the blush rushing up tohis cheeks again. He's sixteen, damn it, but sometimes Dean makes him feelabout five years old. "Weed, Sammy," he says, and tips his head backagainst the couch. In the blue flicker of the TV Sam can see he's smiling, hiseyes closed, and it doesn't look like he's teasing.
"Dad's gonna kill you," Sam says, after a minute,and then when Dean just laughs again: "Where did you even get it?"
"Miranda, from work," Dean says, over-enunciating sothe k comes out all hard.
Sam rolls his eyes. He's had to hear a lot about the wonderful and hot Miranda, the checkout girl at thehardware store where Dean's picking up some hours. He comes closer, says,"You better not burn the apartment down, jerk," and Dean's grin justgets wider and then Sam blinks, standing right next to the couch, because—becauseDean's jeans are open, and he's got his hand tucked into them, and he's—he's touching himself, with Sam right here.
The blood floods into Sam's face and the awkward twist in hisbelly nearly doubles him over. They don't—do this. "Dude," Sam says,faintly, horribly aware of his own skin, goosebumps rippling weirdly under hisboxers and thin t-shirt, and Dean just hums, takes another drag off of thejoint held careful between two fingers and drops it onto the plate next to himon the couch, a makeshift ashtray. His right hand moves, a slow rub, and Sam'slips part, dry.
"Oh, this part's hilarious," Dean says, liftinghis head up with some effort, and apparently the movie's still playing, something'shappening on the screen. The colors flicker to yellow and green and Dean's litup, smiling, his eyes heavy, his hand still rubbing down below. Like Sam's noteven standing there, like they're in some strange alternate dimension where thesethings don't matter. The smell's so strong, skunky and thick in the back ofSam's throat, and he swallows.
When he sits down on the other side of the couch, Dean tipshis head to one side and smiles at him. "Not gonna narc on me, right?"he says.
His eyes are half-lidded, dark and unreadable, but he looks—purelyrelaxed. The thing Sam hates most about their life is the edge of it. Neverknowing if Dad's going to come home, if there's going to be some bloody finalaccident. Dean puts on a good show, most of the time, but Sam was eight when helearned better and every year it's just gotten more clear. The way Dean keepsan eye on the phone, on the door. The way he looks after the guns almostobsessively, the way he rides Sam on PT even when Dad's not around. Right now, he'sjust… loose. Open and easy and fine,no tension in his body even with a shotgun hidden under the couch. "No,"Sam says, finally. "No, I won't say anything."
Dean's eyes crinkle when his grin gets that wide."That's my boy," he says, not half-mocking like he usually is, and spreadshis knees wider, his one foot dropping down from the egg-crate so he's spreadout, open, thighs wide so Sam can see everything.
Sam takes a deep breath. He's almost used to the smell, now.The TV switches to commercial, again, and it's one of those gross Girls GoneWild ads, drunk chicks who probably aren’t even as old as Dean, flashing theirboobs at the camera. His lip curls, reflexively, but Dean groans next to him,and his eyes snap to his left to see Dean shift his hips, lifting up againsthis hand briefly with a flex of his ass and thighs, his forearm working. Oh,god. "God," Dean says, with a sigh, and licks his lips so they shine."There's a dream-job."
His left hand slides down, too, slipping down into hisboxers, and Sam realizes he's just breathing open-mouthed and staring, like aweirdo. He swallows, and says, "You think they've got a big ghost problemin Miami?" Dean frowns, looks at him. "You could do both—big herohunter and boob-wrangler."
That gets a bark of real laughter, Dean flat-out gigglingall high and breathy. "Boob-wrangler!" he repeats, voice juddering,and Sam can't help but grin. "Oh, man." His eyes lock back onto theTV—this is one of those long commercials, little fake interviews and squealinganswers, goofy censor bars so no nipples show. There's plenty of bounce, though.
Dean groans, again, and his hand slides in a slow twist, andthat's a real jerk-off motion, that's actually happening, right next to Sam onthe couch. He bites his lip and watches Dean do it again, hips languorouslyshifting, and finally he drops his hand down to his own crotch where his dick'swell past half-mast, rising up against the thin fabric of his boxers. Heflattens his palm and presses himself down against his own thigh, trying tohide it, but even high Dean catches the motion out of the corner of his eye. Helaughs, again, soft, and Sam closes his eyes in mortification. "Thoughtyou were too much of a prude for this stuff," Dean says, and Sam shakeshis head, can't say anything.
More squealing, from the TV, and it really, truly doesn't doanything for Sam. Maybe if it were muted. There's a rustle, the couch's deepsprings popping as Dean shifts, and then a long sigh and Dean says, "Oh,better," and Sam forces his eyes open to see—oh, fuck. Dean's shoved his jeansand boxers down to his knees, and it's just the stretch of bare white thighs,muscled and smooth since he's barely got any hair, and now Sam can see—god, everything,his dick standing up and his balls cupped in his left hand while he reaches forthe joint, still smoldering on the plate between them. "Want to try?"Dean says, waving it vaguely, and Sam shakes his head, mutely. Dean grins athim, nothing but fond. "Good," he says, and takes a last long drag,holding it and huffing little sips of choked air before the smoke purls outfrom his nose like a cartoon dragon. "Just say no, Sammy."
Sam huffs. "Idiot," he mumbles, and Dean drops theburned up end down to the plate and flips him off, cheerful and lazy. He lickshis hand and drops it back to his dick, massaging himself at the base. There'sa bit of shine at the head, gleaming in the TV-light, and Sam's mouth floodswith spit. God. His own dick throbs, warm and stiff through the cotton underhis palm, and he swallows and licks the corner of his mouth and slips his handunder the too-big leg of his shorts, takes himself in his sweaty grip. Fuck—he hitchesa noise, deep in his chest, but Dean doesn't seem to notice. The commercial'sover, finally, and they're back to the movie. Some big blond guy and a dark-hairedwoman arguing about something, and Dean sighs, licking his lips again anddragging his thumb up the back of his dick, rubbing. Sam can't believe this ishappening. He has fucking school in—god,like six hours, but he's not stopping, can't stop. Dean's dick is… big. Samdoesn't know if it's bigger than his, but he thinks so, maybe. His ballsdefinitely are, from what he can see while Dean rolls them idly, eyes on thetelevision. Sam bites his lips between his teeth and drags his left leg up,blocking himself a little in case Dean looks over, and then pulls himself outthrough the slit in his boxers, bolsters his dick up in his palm so it'ssitting high, just like Dean's is. He's not even looking out of the corner ofhis eye, now, just staring, while Dean squeezes himself at the base again andthen drags up, slow, not even trying to get himself off—and Sam copies it,hot-eyed, breathing too fast. Dean shifts his legs, spreads them a little more,and presses—lower, makes a low pleased hum deep in his chest, and Sam copiesthat, too, slipping his fingers down below his balls and pushing two against themuscle there, a deep thrum of pleasure surging right up to the head of hisdick.
"Oh, god," he breathes, squeezing himself too-tightaround the base, and Dean tips his head over again and blinks at him. Samstares back, mouth open, his stomach churning. "Oh, god."
"Hey," Dean says, smiling, and shifts a little,pulls his hand away from his dick to lean his elbow on the back of the couch.It twists his body a little, his dick falling to land heavy on the muscle ofhis thigh, his t-shirt pulling up so Sam can see flat golden belly. "Nobig deal, huh? It's hot, right?"
Hot—Dean nods at the TV, and oh, the muscle dude and thestarlet are making out, now, transitioning to one of those awkward soft-coresex scenes, saxophone and soft drums, and Sam nods, wordless, eyes jumping backto Dean's face and then to his crotch, where he hasn't softened, not at all.Sam wants—fuck, he wants to lean over there and touch it. He wants that… badly,to get his hand around Dean and feel how he's different, or maybe how he's thesame, to cup his balls and test the weight, to feel the heat of his skin, tastehim. Dean's attention is caught as the actress sighs out a little moan, and hishand drifts back to his dick, and instantly Sam imagines it on him—big andcapable, a little rough like Dean can be sometimes when he claps Sam on theshoulder or smacks the back of his head, heavy and warm like he is when theyspar, and Sam's jerking himself for real, now, tension coiling up in the baseof his belly, watching Dean sigh and squeeze himself and melt into the couch, andSam scrunches his eyes closed and imagines, imagines crawling over there and gettingbetween Dean's sprawled-apart legs and shoving their dicks up together, and maybeDean would grin at him again, would say something like want to try something, Sammy? with his voice all slow and lazy, andmaybe, maybe Sam would say shut upand maybe then he'd lean in, and Dean would smile, and Sam would kiss him—
Oh, fuck, that's—Sam jerks, hips surging up in tight littlemotions, coming and spilling all over his boxers, his thighs. He cups his lefthand over so he doesn't mess the couch and his chest heaves with it, his lips bittentight between his teeth with the long habit of keeping absolutely silent. God.His balls pulse and he drops his head back on his shoulders, letting theripples shudder through him. He hasn't come that hard in… ever. He licks hislips, runs his tongue over the teeth-dents, and when he opens his eyes Dean is…
His hand's still cupped loose around his dick, his head slumpedand tipped against the couch back, his eyes closed. His mouth, a little shinystill, parted and loose, his chest rising slow and steady under the blackt-shirt, the amulet he never takes off. Asleep. Sam wipes his hands off on hisboxers, as best he can so his hands aren't totally disgusting, and moves theashtray-plate over to the eggcrate next to the empty beer cans. Finds the remoteand turns the volume way, way down, but leaves the TV on for the light. Somedaylight scene, now, so white spills out into the room, leaves a pool of brightand shadow that highlights Dean's cheekbone, his mouth, the dark of his eyelashes.The fine golden hair on his arm, sparse on his thigh. The pink rounded head ofhis dick. Sam swallows, and reaches out—and closes his hand on empty air, andpulls his fist back to his chest. Puts his hand over his eyes.
There's two blankets on the bed and the heater's workingovertime. He pulls the top one off, the nice one without any stains, and drapesit carefully over Dean's body, covering where he's bare. There's a soft noise, barelya sound at all, and Dean rubs his face gently against the back of the couch,snuggling in. He's going to have corduroy-stripes on his cheek, when he wakes up.Sam stands there and stares at him, for a second, and for no reason at all hiseyes heat up and the room goes blurry. He turns away. Strips off his gross wetboxers and stuffs them deep in the laundry bag, pulls on a fresh-ish pair.Folds himself into the empty bed. He wonders if Dean will remember this—but hesqueezes his eyes shut tight and pushes his face into the pillow and breathesdeep. It doesn't matter. The alarm's set to go off in like five hours, and he'sgot school to get to, in the morning.
#wincest#weecest#wetsammywinchester#baronsamediswife#anotherwinchesterfangirl#my writing#i didn't beta this at all#like--at all#so please let me know if there are typos or whatever#this is me converting my deep irritation into creativity#and also... only kinda responding to the spirit of the prompt#but i hope you like it anyway anon#Anonymous
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Alot of people draw parallels between Kurama and Kurapika, Hiei and Killua, Yusuke and Gon, Kuwabara and Leorio But no one comments on how Karasu is this weird hybrid of Ilumi and Hisoka. ( Also Sensui and Chrollo)
Wish I could help you there, but I only saw I think two seasons? Maybe one season. *shrugs* I could never get into Hunter x Hunter. I have a few theories for why, I think, but it’s all super subjective. One of my friends is the exact opposite, obsessed with HxH and unable to enjoy Yu Yu Hakusho.
If you are a fan of HxH, I strongly advise you don’t read this. These are my personal opinions on why I cannot stand the show, not a detailed analysis of the show itself or objective view of its merit. Will be under cut.
Also I am sleep deprived and potentially tipsy so this will likely not be coherent. *finger guns*
Anyway, for me, HxH always felt… too on the nose? Too Naruto-like, in a way? Here, meet Gon, he’s a super nice and friendly dude, but oh no, he has a tragic past because his dad is missing… And now he wants to be just like his dad, who is missing, so why is he emulating a dude he doesn’t know? And here, meet Killua, he’s a psychopath and he’s like 10. Instead of getting this kid a therapist the older characters around him are going to encourage him to go kill people. Oh yes, these children are also murderers. Meet Kurapika, the Kurama of the group, who is also a bishie, is low-key scary, intelligent, caring, and also has a tragic past! Yay… And Leorio… I confess I don’t know shit about him. But he probably has a tragic past.
Okay, I am probably being too harsh on this show. I know it’s beloved by many people. But the constant pushing of “tragic!! So sad!!” and “child murder! Yay!” Is just not my cup of tea.
YYH did this way better, in my opinion. The tragedy is there, but it’s layered on slowly. Hiei, who arguably has one of the most tragic childhoods a shonen character ever experienced, doesn’t actually tell us what happened to him until the show is almost over. We get to learn who he is, what makes him tick, we get to love him, ponder about his past, get invested. Then we are given the sad. But HxH is like Naruto in the fact that it just shoves it into our face, as if to say, “hey, this character had a bad childhood, you should feel sorry for them and love them.” I just hate that.
And Gon… that friendly optimism is just… weird? He feels 2-d to me, not like a real child. Whereas the imperfect Yusuke acts exactly as you’d expect a child in his position to act. He has daddy issues because he never had a father. He has issues with authority because his mother was awful and he never felt safe or comforted by the adults around him. He gravitates towards male role models and at the same time rejects them. He respects only one authority, Genkai, because she is the first adult who taught him what he found useful. His kindness, his empathy, all that is earned. When Yusuke tells Genkai he cares about her, when he cries over her death, we believe it and we feel it, because we saw what he was like when he didn’t care, when he didn’t have an adult to turn to. It’s like a child that had been neglected all his life who was suddenly thrust into a foster home or an orphanage where one cranky lady is done with life, so she’s honest and raw and doesn’t throw platitudes into his face, and he respects that. He gravitates to it the same way 9th grade students do to the teacher who uses swear words in class and isn’t afraid to show the Romeo and Juliet movie that has the *gasp* boobie in it. His relationship with Genkai is realistic and earned, and genuine like crazy, and when he mourns her, the first and only adult he respected, loved, and felt safe with, we all mourn with him…
But Gon? I don’t know. He just put me off from the start. He doesn’t seem to have a reason for being so damn friendly. He doesn’t seem to act like a normal human being at all. He’s just this weird 2-d cartoon that tries to kill with kindness and be just like his missing dad instead of, ya know, doing the realistic thing and having a complicated relationship with him. Like, Yusuke doesn’t hate Atsuko. But he sure does blame her for lots of things. I can interject my own childhood here, because my feelings toward family are also complicated. I know the “missing parent” thing really well because my parents lived in a different county for half of my childhood, and I can tell you, while I understood why they did it, and loved them, and appreciated with all my heart the sacrifices they made… I still did, and still do, blame them for robbing me of a normal childhood. Of robbing me of a relationship with them. Of robbing me of that mother-daughter best friend dynamic, of being able to tell them all my secrets and feel like they’re part of my life and not just distant parental figures I respect and love the way the religious love and respect their gods. And Yusuke is the same. His relationships with all the adults in his life, even some of the other kids, are complicated and layered and realistic. He knows his mother had a raw dealing having him at what, 15? But he also blames her for not doing more… Hiei, how does he feel, knowing that his mother died, instead of leaving the Glacier Village during her pregnancy or right after birth to go look for him? How does he feel knowing she stayed there, and died there? It wasn’t her fault. She was heartbroken, she was exhausted from giving birth, and she was weak and scared and alone… it’s even implied she committed suicide. And if she did, don’t you think Hiei might still feel complicated about it? Don’t you think he might feel like she should have been stronger, for him, for this small child that didn’t deserve his fate? She should have lived and left the village and searched for him! She should have looked even if she knew he was dead, if nothing else then to bury him! That’s the sort of thoughts I bet once ran through his mind…
But Gon? Nothing. Just… love for mom and idealizing dad. It’s boring, unrealistic, and I hate it.
Killua, my friend’s favorite shonen character (if not favorite anime character) of all time is literally one of my least favorite, and the only character I might have liked, Kurapika, was clearly ripping off of Kurama, whip and all included. So I just could never finish the show.
As for the Karasu question, technically, he came first, so those other characters are based on him. But from what I did actually see of Hisoka… he’s like an evil pedo (right?? I heard something like that??) clown. That’s what he is. How is he threatening? This isn’t even a rhetorical question. Creepy, maybe. But I’d just feel slightly uneased by him and then call the police if he came near me. If Karasu had his eyes on me like he did on Kurama, I’d probably shit my pants, let’s be real.
Karasu was a sadist. He was thrilled by the “intimacy between murderer and victim.” And the scariest shit of all? You can sorta understand him. When you murder someone, you are the only person in the world to see what happens to them. You have complete control over that person. You are their god, deciding if they are worthy of life or death. It’s an urge you can theorize about, can talk about, can even understand to a degree. But Hisoka? He uh, wears clown clothes and chases Gon? Or something? He makes scary faces? Karasu doesn’t have to even show his face to be terrifying. He just has to talk about his hobbies and his beliefs. Hell, the moment she shows up you feel something is up. I saw Hisoka like, at least 10 times and I still don’t know shit bout him. Karasu had like, 3-4 speaking scenes and they all made him fucking scarier with each one. I felt like each scene with Hisoka added absolutely zero to the show. Not to mention how fucking slow it was…
I feel like having a character target your young protagonist and make creepy faces at them is just lazy. Dude is, and I know Naruto came after, but that’s the show I saw first and actually know a thing or two about (till whenever shippuden started). So dude is just like Orochimaru. Now I was never scared of that guy, I just thought he was a total creeper. To me, there were way scarier moments. Hell, even Gaara’s brother, when he like, trapped a guy inside a puppet and then blood dripped out? Was that him? Anyway, that moment was way freakier than anything Orochimaru did. Karasu’s like 3 scenes were way more psychologically scary than all of Orochimaru’s scenes put together. And I got the same vibe from Hisoka as Orochimaru. The, he’s creepy and these kids should definitely find an adult asap, and not “holy fuck that’s a mass kidnapper/rapist/torturer/murderer and holy hell I am fascinated and also terrified and holy shit Kurama run run run!”
*shrugs* Karasu is honestly probably the scariest villain in YYH, too. Only because he enjoys torture and murder, and he explains why. And the explanation makes fucking sense and its so terrifying that I can’t
and he also doesn’t look like a clown. That’s a major plus. I’m not and never will be scared of clowns. Like… its a clown. Its colorful and does weird shit. How is that scary? No, demonic looking motherfuckers with long ass ink black hair and eyes that glow purple with glee at the thought of ripping blood curling screams out of someone in front of a giant ass audience, and lamenting that they wish they could fucking keep him and I dont know fucking fuck his corpse is that what he meant cause holy fuck!??!
Anyway, Karasu gives me nightmares and I love him and I don’t care for HxH and I need sleep and love you all very much please don’t hate me for disliking this show I really did give it like, three separate chances. *shrugs*
- Mod Lola
#ask#anon#mod talk#analysis#please dont hate me#karasu#yusuke#mod needs to sleep and not answer asks#direct all anger toward sleepy mod#or tipsy mod#theyre both jerks#sober and rested mod is not responsible for them#hhd
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Cutie Reviews: Tokyo Treat May 18
Ahhhh, I took a bit longer than I would have liked to. But with good reason.
Sorta.
Basically, I spent the past few days going through all of the old crates to sort the items and dispose of the boxes/crates. They take up a lot of space when you order so many, and I bought some cute little boxes to sort the items by type and take them to my room.
I still have some to go through, but I made a lot of progress. I think I threw away about 20 boxes. But I did keep a handful of them either because I had use for them, or someone I know did. It’s actually been kind of fun going through them :3 and oddly therapeutic.
Anyway, let’s get on with it! If you like anime, manga, and video games, this box is perfect for you!

Theme: ANIME SNACK ATTACK
So, as you can see, we’re having an anime (and manga and video game) theme. Three things I adore!
LUCKY TREAT

The Lucky Treat is full of anime inspired items, and Pokemon! One of the most popular merchandising brands you find in these boxes lately. Like literally, nearly each box I've gotten recently seems to have some form of Pokemon item in it (not counting the makeups. But I know they have pokemon beauty products.)
MINUTE MAID CRAFTZ CHERRY & PEACH
I'm putting this here because the image of this is the very first one in the post. You can see it on the right-hand side there. Anyway, this is a drink by Minute Maid, a very popular juice brand that I like x3 It combines the sweet, flowery tastes of cherry and peach- I think this would perfect for spring time!
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
If you like Peach then you'd like this drink, basically. The Peach is overwhelmingly strong, and there is a faint cherry-ness to it, but it mostly blends into the peach. It was refreshing~
Sriracha Rice Chips & Don Taro Udon Snack

First up we got some delicious looking Sriracha chips made from brown rice and soy beans. As you can see on the bag in the pic. These are gluten free and flavored with a spicy kick! Perfect for those intense scenes; or when you start feeling yourself getting tired and need a wake-me-up.
Although, there was one little problem with mine...

Seeing this nice, big clean slice in the bag had me worried a teensy-bit. It came like that out of the box and it wasn't tampered with as far as I know- so I can only assume it was a last-second manufacturing thing that went unnoticed. It happens.They seemed fine, so I just put them in another bag.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Besides a tiny bit of staleness they tasted really good x3 They had a "deep crunch" to them, being sorta soft (which was either staleness or due to being made out of bean and rice) but still crispy. Oddly they reminded me of chicken-flavored ramen.
They are spicy, but it has to build up. It sort of lingers on the tongue for a few minutes but otherwise you won't notice it just eating a couple. It wasn’t really hot though for being made with sriracha. But I really like eating it so maybe I just didn’t notice?
Our next item in the pic is a snacking noodle dagashi, flavored after a real udon bowl.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥
Honestly they tasted a lot like those chips did. Minus the rice-bean texture. They're not bad or anything, but I'm not super-obsessed with snacking noodles; or noodles as a whole. I have to be in the mood for them. But they didn't taste bad, as I said, and if you really like crunchy snacks (or ramen) you would probably like these.
MENTAIKO UMAIBO & SENZU BEAN EDAMAME

Oh, our usual Umaibo and share pack snacks! How I love and sometimes detest you~
Depending on the flavors that is.
Our Umaibo is one I've had, maybe two other times by now. Mentaiko is "salted, creamy pollock roe", or fish eggs if you're not familiar with the term.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥
Not being a fish person, I've never tried fish eggs before. They haven't appealed to me. So I can't say if this tastes accurately or not- to me it reminds me of their cheese-flavored ones. I’m not a big fan of this, but it’s not bad either. It's not as strange to me as it originally was the first time I tried it.
Now, I've already given my opinions of these "share packs" so I won't waste time doing it again. For this month we get packs of this edamame themed snack with a light flavoring on them. First of all, each bag is 64 calories, making this a nice snack for those who worry over their weight or just want something a little healthier.
Apparently chosen to represent the "Senzou Bean" from Dragonball. Each bag also has a cute design, made to look like a mesh bag or pouch filled with edamame!
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
If they reminded me of anything on smell alone, I'd say "cheez-its and some green vegetable". Their taste and texture is about the same too, but I do get an edamame vibe. I think its adorable how they look like them too x3 and they have a light saltiness to them that is pleasant.
Besides the snacking noodles, I’d say these were the top in crunchiness.
DRAGON BALL CHEESE PUFFS

You read that right: Dragonball Cheese Puffs. These are 91.9 calories for the bag, and include a fun card as part of a game series. I know they've made these, but I'm used to seeing the gummy ones; but because I only buy those types, it was neat to try another kind.
So... as you can see, I got Vegeta! He's my favorite x3 I can't ever use the card for its intended purpose- but I'm happy regardless.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
They're basically like any other cheese puff-based snack. However, the flavoring was actually very light on the cheese and tasted more like the corn its made out of. But it didn't taste bad, and the crispy texture is nice. These are good as long as you're not expecting a huge, cheesy flavor.
ALMOND TOFU CHOCOBI & CHOCOPIE

I think I'll swap things around and start with the Chocobi; it hasn't been in the box for a while. This time, rather than a fruit it's flavored after a specific dish: Almond Tofu, a smooth and healthy Japanese dessert. I've never tried it before but I assume it's like yogurt or pudding with a jelly texture.
The box is 139.4 calories, and was made in celebration of yet-another Crayon Shin-chan movie. This one features stickers from different regions in Japan, the one I got says Aichi. But to be honest, the only one of these I recognized was Hokkaido. I kinda wish I got that one~
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥
As usual Chocobi as a texture is pretty nice. It's crispy, and they come in such a cute shape!
However... as usual, they also go stale VERY quickly.... So I've never been a fan of them.
Now these, the flavor isn't as odd as past ones I received. It's kind of like sweet, very light coconut, maybe a tiny bit almond x vanilla-ish. I really like almonds and tofu, but I didn't come to this snack knowing what to expect so I can’t say I’m being picky.
Our other item here I was a lot more excited for, meanwhile. The Petite Chocopie by LOTTE! It's basically chocolate covered cake and marshmallow cream- but since when has that ever been a bad thing??
Per each cake/pie its 74 calories, which isn't that bad if you want something sweet. According to the back they also have a type that features a chocolate drizzle rather than coating, and has chocolate and marshmallow cream inside~
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Right off, if you don't like dark chocolate then you probably won't like these. I don't think they're made with it, but they certainly tasted like it. My mom thought so too, and she hates dark chocolate- which is a shame because I really like it. But at least I know it'll be safe from her ;3
These were pretty good, but I did have one complaint. As you can see in the picture I took they don't really sync up with the photo on the package. Which is common, I know, but what the actual item lacks in thickness it also lacks in taste unfortunately. With the rich chocolate and cake/cookies under it, the marshmallow cream is too thin- you barely taste it, if at all.
SHIN-CHAN GUMMY, SPLATOON GUMMIES, AND THOMAS THE TRAIN CHEWY CANDY

This single piece of Shin-chan Gummy is available in soda/ramune, and cola flavors. As much as I enjoy soda/ramune, I really, REALLY wish I got cola. Or maybe one of each. The image in the booklet is a tiny bit misleading because you only get 1.
I kinda had to leave it in the package because by the time I got to it (a week ago, just about) it had like... melted into the plastic. At least I assume. I tried to remove it and it was not coming. I took the picture, then I mangled it to get as much as I could out.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥
I LOVED how this tasted. Exactly like the soda/ramune flavor I like. However, I couldn't necessarily judge the quality of the gummy due to unforeseen issues. As noted above...
The next item I got was another one I was excited for cus who doesn't love Splatoon, am I right?
I only have the first game for now, but I'll be getting the Switch VERY SOON, so I'm excited to get the second on x3 I also have a cute pink water-filled squid I got from the toy store like a year or so ago.
Anyway, these gummies are available in Orange and Melon. There's also a very rare gummy shaped like an octopus that can be found in certain bags. Mine wasn't one of them. One bag is 155 calories, which is kind of lame due to how small it is. BUT at the same time, I've seen worse.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Not only are the gummies really cute, but they taste very good too. I was also happy to see that the bag is zip-lock style and they lasted for 4 months with no sign of aging!
I was so excited when I got them back in May that I couldn't resist trying them then (=´3`=)
The gummy texture... I can’t really describe. It's chewy, but not hard, and they don't take five minutes to eat either. More like a few seconds.
Our last item in this picture is the Thomas the Tank Engine Chewy Candy!
The inner-child in me was really excited to see this. Not only because the candy itself sounded good, but I grew up on the Thomas the Tank Engine stop-motion cartoons x3 Ironically, now that I'm older he seems a lot more popular. That or I just never noticed it before. There's also another sense of irony here though. Back in August, I was re-watching the super old original stop-motions I grew up on; not for any real reason, I was just bored and like the background noise.
Okay, so anyway the candy is a grape chewy candy by Lotte. It looks a lot like gum but it's kind of thicker, and what's fun is that each piece has a little puzzle on it, or you can fold the wrapper in certain ways to make shapes or "toys". Each stick, or the whole pack is 85 calories. I can't actually tell.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
It pretty much tastes exactly like grape hi-chew, the only difference is the texture. So if you like Hi-chew or grape candy you'd like this. If you don't then... you probably won't.
(Oh, and if you're curious my favorite is/was James~)
BORUTO GUMMY & BORUTO PINEAPPLE JELLIES

Our last items of the box are these two "Boruto" snacks! Boruto, if you never heard of the series is essentially a sequel to "Naruto". A series I was very fond of. However, I don't like Boruto. It's not because of the characters or anything, but because of some "decisions" they made I just didn't agree with. Besides the cute packaging and decorative detail on the bag, the jellies each feature a decorative lid design based on various Boruto characters. Each Jelly is 19 calories, and are pineapple flavored, with real pineapple juice!
This box was essentially full of nostalgia for me x3 when I was younger I loved eating little jellies. They became pretty scarce as I got older though, and one day they kind of just stopped showing up. It's a bit disappointing.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
They taste really good, it's not an overwhelming Pineapple flavor. I love the slippery, soft, squishy texture~
Our final item is this Boruto energy-drink flavored Hand Gummy :3 Hand Gummies are popular and fun, being based on the game Rock-Paper-Scissors. I've gotten one or two other gummies like this before, but if I recall they were much smaller- but I got scissors both times, including this one!
That's usually my go-to gesture and always has been ;D But you can also look at is as "peace sign" too if you wanted. Anyway, these are energy-drink flavored, but the booklet assures us that no energy drink ingredients were actually used in making this. It's simply BASED on a fizzy, sweet-and-sour pineapple energy drink.
That rested any concerns I had, because I'm one of those who people who avoids energy drinks at all cost. If I want energy I'll just eat sugar.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
It pretty much tastes like the jelly, but the flavor was stronger. I also really liked its super-soft texture x3
♥ Cutie Ranking ♥
Quality - 4 out of 5. The only real reason why I marked it down was because of that slice in the rice chips bag. I'm sure this was an extremely rare thing though, I usually don't have any problems with any of the items I get in this box.
Content - 3 out of 5. I didn't hate anything at all this time around- which is almost as rare as the above mention. Usually I find one item I detest, and I pretty much only disliked one item, and even then it wasn't that bad...
Theme - 5 out of 5. Besides a couple of items, it was pretty much covered in anime stuff!
Total Rank: 12 out of 15 Cuties. I genuinely LOVED this box in comparison to the April box. It had a couple of faults but nothing serious that I couldn't overlook. Considering how excited I was for this, I feel like they could have done better- but they did really good! Maybe like a... B+
♥ Cutie’s Scale of Yummy ♥
1. Cherry x Peach Drink - It was so refreshing~
2. Splatoon Gummies - I can't say I prefer orange or melon flavors in comparison to ramune, grape, or cola- but they tasted so good and looked adorable!
3. Thomas Grape Chewy Candy - Loved. Loved. Loved!
4. Hand Gummy - I liked this just a little bit better than the jelly. It's very soft and chewy, I'd recommend these if you can find them, they come in many flavors.
5. Pineapple Jellies - I loved their soft, wiggly-jiggly texture~
6. Chocopie - I loved the soft, cakey texture and its dark chocolate-esque taste~
7. Rice Chips - Delicious!
8. Shin-chan Gummy - I was disappointed with this because it was delicious! I just wish it hadn't stuck to its packaging. Well, that and I wish we got maybe one or two more~
9. Edamame snack - They tasted good but I just liked other stuff better.
10. Dragonball Cheese Puffs - I liked how they tasted, but I felt like it might have been a tiny bit misleading cause it didn't taste like cheese to me. I don't know if its because the information in the booklet was wrong, or... I’m very happy with the card I got though!
11. Mentaiko Umaibo - It tastes better than when I first tried it. But I can't say it's in my top 5 Umaibo list...
12. Udon Snacking Noodles - As I mentioned, these I have to be in the mood for. They don't taste bad but it's not something I'd probably reach for.
13. Almond Tofu snack - I really am not just a fan of Chocobi...
Alrighty, here we are at the end of another review. I'm sorry if it seemed like the quality started lowering so far down. I'm feeling kinda tired and my head hurts suddenly, and after trying to write these twice I really didn't want to have to try again you know?
Anyway, I hope you'll stay tuned for the next review :3 it'll be May's Doki Doki crate, then we'll be moving onto June stuff!
Until then, stay cute!
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Episode 4: “Tua supremacy babey” - Lily O
I GET TO REUNITE WITH JINX YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
me waking up to see that im in the new tribe: https://media.tenor.com/images/93212119a4887f9fa0ad945c7ae2a5d0/tenor.gif
tbh i expected the swap since like we have 14 rn so its a reasonable number to do a swap before the merge.. but like this swap sucks not only me being the only one from og eener but its also me having to be with these 4 whites ppl. you know i don't trust white ppl except mikki SDFSDFSDFSDF so this absolutely SUCKS. and geekoffilm is on another tribe too.
URGH i hope i can team up with jinx and jude. and joey and i used to play together in CoW so hopefully, i am able to make him want to work with me again.. but monty... monty is very skeptical cause like they could just vote me off now. BUT THEN, i know that either jinx or raffy has the idol for sure, so maybe i need to ask jinx for that. or i just ask the person who i'll be up against with in the tic tac toe to throw a challenge if they are the og eener too.
much to think about bestie booth. i wanna trust these ppl so bad but i have trust issues
https://youtu.be/JrXnnD5KU0I
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naur this is the plan if we go to council
imma be like joey
you are the only cis white man on the team
you have to go.
you wanna be an ally?
THIS IS HOW!!!
so im pushing for u FEWEJFEEFJEFEIFEFIJW
heS ALWAYS SAYING HE WANTS TO BE A BETTER ALLY
ALWAYS CALLING ME LIKE JINX IM SO SORRY
ILL BE LIKE FOR WHAT??
HE'S LIKE FOR BEING A WHITE CIS STRAIGHT MAN.
IF UR REALLY SORRY ULL LEAVE!
I have to start this out by saying Giraffez, I’m so sorry! I tried my best but too many people wanted to keep us comp strong and wanted Lily O to stay. I really wish we would have had the chance to play longer together but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.
As far as swap goes, I’m really happy about my team. We have a majority from my original group which is pretty wild. I wish Chips was here and I really hope he makes it work somehow but I’m ngl I’m a little worried about him.
I was so so thrilled to see Jinx on Tua with me. I also have started talking with Captain and Jude. They both seem super nice so as always I’m hoping to avoid tribal once again.
I’d like to the think that original Llih (was that how you spelled it?) will stay together but Giraffez told me that Lily O told her that she was voting for me. Now obviously we all voted Giraffez but I think Lily O knows I was plotting. So. I hope we can stick together. But. Yeah. Your girl is worried. And excited. She is excited cause this group seems cool. But nervous because yeah I’m not ready for another vote out. Mkay. Bye.
This swap went pretty well for me all things considered. I still have a bunch of people from my OG Tribe, and the new people seem active and really nice! So, I like my tribe. Blake offered to me today to work together closely in the game which I am down for. The semi-inactive people need to stick together and all that lmao. Other than that, I am straight Vibing
Swap time! honestly its time to kick it into high gear and win this immunity challenge! make some real allies!
HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD!!!!!! So I have arrived in a swapped team with 3 of my old members! SOOO happy Mikki is here firstly since we can discuss basically anything. Blake and Raffy im also cool with but not like as close with them. Maybe a bit more with Blake. Of the new people my fav is Chris !! Already liking our chats and hope it can turn more strategic later maybe!! Ricky is also cool and funny and chips I was allies with him in Kili which is cool but probably the weakest connection of the new people so far!! It looks like we are gonna lose and if so its kinda hard like on one hand we have easy majority to vote off idk probably chips or maybe ricky or we could go against tribal linesI think Blake truly does wanna work with me tho but is just busy. Like going against tribal lines is kinda fun but maybe dumb. And chips being the 1 in a 4-2-1 swap sucks too!! Idk kind of evaluating the vibe with Mikki and will see what we think later if we lose… we would probs be safe regardless being protected by tribal lines on one side and having developed sorta good vibes with Chris and Ricky from the other side so probs wouldn’t be targeted from that angle either?? Hopefully… I did have kind of a delayed start with the new people cuz of irl stuff but yah we will see!
My opinion on swap was initially sad because I was missing out on Jinx/Jude/Joey/Captain BUT then I realize I like this tribe?? Im with Ricky still, Mikki probably is sitting at the cookout as we spesk, Chips is lowkey goody but I got my eye on him, Benj and I bond over Agatha Christie <3, Blake I knew from TDI so we have been goofin like a Goofy movie, Raffy I actually enjoy that we chat of the most mundane things, and that's everybody! I think I have a chance to survive on this tribe
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My thoughts are that I've got Ricky and Mikki at minimum. I know Mikki/Raffy got beef but I doubt they go for each other. Chips is like a level-headed Joey but I reckon one of him/Blake/Benj will be targeted if I had to guess. Nevertheless me and Captain talked during our matchup and exchanged info. My hope is me or Ricky are in Outhouse but I also hope not so we have higher odds to keep the goodies all goodie and safe
https://voca.ro/18WSqZznajDx
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I LOVE JUDE
so idk where my last confessional left off but i think it was before tribal. so after tribal, jinx’s manifestations came true, we swapped, i ended up on a tribe with no one i knew except chris, so that was kind of…nnng. but hey, gotta roll with the punches. me and jinx were paired up for the challenge which game me a bit of time to talk with them, and they gave me some insight on ppl i didn’t really know on my tribe, and also they gave me a tarot reading, and it basically said that while i’m probably gonna have to deal with some bullshit, i just have to use everything i’ve learned to get over any obstacles, and stay calm and collected through it all. i’m really really praying for this one, since we just lost immunity, and now chris is going to the outhouse, i’m afraid that i’m truly all alone now. and if there’s one thing that scares me it’s being alone. i really like mikki tho, and i heard benj was good ppl. maybe if i let them know that raffy might have the half idol then maybe they’d be more inclined to work with me, but i also really enjoy raffy’s presence, so i don’t really want him to be a target. blake and i have had a good amount of dialogue so i’m hoping that he’d be willing to work with me, to be honest. ughhhhh why why why tribal. WHY TRIBAL. in all my years of playing tumble survivor i’ve never been sent to like…and exile or redemption island ONCE. not once….ever…. please god let me get to the outhouse just one time.
First of all, lemme just say I'm so amused by how quickly my chances of no-votes went RIGHT out the door. But also thank god that it went off without a hitch! And right before a swap, no less New tribe is definitely iconic. LOVE Jinx, Captain and Jude are cool too, and then my Llih buddies are also v nice to have (shoutouts monty and joey)
Tua supremacy babey
https://youtu.be/oP7DWOnmt40
https://youtu.be/Z3_pyWTdRh8
https://youtu.be/UFshPYJ98z0
hello confessional booth... i'm here to give you um. something i hope!!!!
well since the swap, i feel like i've managed to fit in better than i expected cause ive been feeling under the weather and i don't rlly have energy to talk to anyone (which is so great that our tribe won this IC) but i rlly need to work on that more for sure..
joey wants to work with me.. like a lot. we worked together for a bit in CoW before he was voted out and he was a great ally to me back then so i think i can trust joey a little bit? and he rlly wants the pocs to go far so i think this is a good sign.
with jinx, we've been wanting to talk about the outhouse thing but jinx wants to call and i've been feeling sick so we haven't called but hopefully we can do that soon. i trust jinx a lot and i know they're gonna take care of me.
jude.. you know i like her since i saw her intro vid so yup gonna need to talk to her more!!!
lily c.. my fellow teacher pls SFSFSDFSD i enjoy our chat a lot like idt its much but every time we talk, with her, it just feels great and nice and like we just get to know each other so far so i hope we can talk game a bit more but we'll see
lily o.. we haven't talked since the day the swap happened. idk why. maybe she's busy or maybe i should dm her first so i think i'm gonna do that tmr my time if i have the energy.
and monty... PLEASE idk if i can trust monty or not. like he's a good friend of mine but my experience in orgs with them is that they tried to break the swp apart (which was smart but then mikki and i are both playing so gotta keep an eyes on them)
i'm just trying to feel good and hopefully recover soon cause i hate being sick. idk i'm scared of covid!!!!! but i haven't gone outside for a week or two methinks so we're gonna pray and see.
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missing mikki and hope she will be fine
Blake suggested starting an OG Eneer alliance to Mikki and Benj. They took them up on the offer so I guess I am in my first alliance of the game based on arbitrary reasons. In any case, they seem to want to vote out Chips which is a RIP. But whatever keeps me safe for one more round.
I don’t have an obsession with the Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood sketch from SNL... No I clearly don’t... https://youtu.be/whfQf3Pd5bU
It’s my chronic overthinking in this swap that is going to do me in, I feel. It’s the pressure of having to actually think differently, and coming off of EVERYTHING I’ve seen in this community over the past 6 months, oh good Lord have mercy, I feel as though its so hard for me to want to not sacrifice my game, but at the same time... I feel all the pressure in the world to flip. I did have a lucid dream that if I got to a point where I consistently voted only white people at every Council, it would make my game look REALLY good by comparison, since I literally did everything I could, and no, I don’t want to hear anyone post season say this was rigged for Jinx, it’s not, we’re only going to go against each other down the road because of how this season has been set up, and it breaks my heart
https://photos.app.goo.gl/eSvSGkc4zmBfnYVP7
So here's some tea I suppose. I was a pretty big fan of the tribe swap because people talked more in general. This was particularly interesting considering their different timezones but continued ability to keep up conversation. It was pretty apparent that I was at a numbers deficit from my original tribe but my hope was that people didn't want to play like "that" and then if they did that my former tribe would throw it to keep the numbers. Apparently that is not true as Lily C went as hard as possible to win a challenge she could have convincingly thrown as an "accident" multiple times. At any rate, based on the total lack of communication with me concerning who I am voting it is evident that either the plan is to vote someone without telling me or that it is to vote me. This means that regardless of the situation I am in a terrible position and will be leaving sooner rather than later. I don't know that I've been swap screwed in the past (perhaps, I've been playing for too long) but it really stinks.
For the TL;DR watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzftXB28gBE
http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-no-sir.gif
As I'm writing this, I have a big gulp from... you guessed it... 7/11. I need to flip on one of the three of Monty, Lily O, and Lily C. My best option is going to vote for Lily O, I need Monty and Lily C to know I'm only doing this because yanno, things look awfully awful, and the pressure of making the right move and yet making sure I don't lose relationships is starting to get to me.
I also need them as shields because theyre the only winners in this game, and I need them here as shields for down the road heading into a merge.
I can't even believe I found TWOA IDOLS! I had to think a lot about who to give it too but I decided to do what felt like the smartest thing to do. Jinx and Captain already trust me and I enjoy Ricky but he gives semi chaotic energy. With that in mind, I had to give it to Jude as a sign of faith. Not only am I wanting her to do well, but I want to prove to her I legit want to work with her come merge 😊
https://youtu.be/vOn8Zsi0njA
https://youtu.be/UWTB-LYjbu0
for Chips: https://youtu.be/lSeDZdSEl4o
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Halfway Through: Reflections on Family Med
So as I mentioned before, last Wednesday was the halfway point of my family medicine clerkship. I have so many thoughts so far on what I’ve been doing that I honestly don’t even know how to organize them so buckle up everybody this might get bumpy...
POST NOTE REFLECTION: Holy shit this is long. Ima put a break in so I don’t scare anyone
The short end of it is - some things are AWESOME, some things are less awesome but overall I really really love this rotation.
I guess I’ll start with the basics...without trying to give too much away: my school has opportunities for us to do some of our third year clerkships at hospitals and clinics that are not in med school town. So this summer I have actually been living in *undisclosed small town in New England* and working at a clinic there. I have been here for three weeks, I have two weeks left and then I go back to med school town for wrap up and shelf.
Since I’m in a new location a little bit about how that has been - well in one word: amazing. I am so in love with this town. I have actually always kinda pictured myself settling in small town New England, but being here these past few weeks has just made that feeling stronger. I love the people, I love the scenery, I love running down the main strip in the morning and watching the old guy set up the marque for the local movie theater. I love the coffee shop with the workers who already know my name (mostly from kicking me out when they close...) I LOVE the old grandma that I’m living with who has been keeping me company. I just love it.
And I love practicing medicine here too. I love the clinic and all of the doctors who work here (not just my preceptor). They are always coming to grab me to show me a cool physical exam finding or practice a procedure. They stop me in the hallway to ask me questions (an MA once said - “Omg I don’t know how you can handle that.” and it’s weird because when I was a second year I totally thought I would hate being pimped and just be horrible at it. I mean there are certainly times when I get something wrong and then kick myself two seconds later because I knew that BUT here - I’ve never felt truly pimped. I’ve felt probed for answers, but all truly for the sake of my learning. One time I didn’t know and I just said “Well I’ll go look it up” and two hours later I was back in that physician’s office with an answer - and of course more follow up questions. It’s a new kind of learning, but I’m just reveling in it.) and they are some of the friendliest doctors ever. And they love and know their patients. These are their neighbors and they treat them like family. That is the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted with my patients and I love watching it in action while also being given the privilege of taking part in the exchange as well.
And my preceptor himself is a really amazing doc and teacher. He gives me a lot of autonomy and I feel like I’m actually contributing to the care of his patients instead of just getting in the way. I also have been casually practically adopted by his family at this point...I’m literally living with his grandmother (you read that right), last weekend I went to his nephew’s birthday party, and I spent this whole past weekend away at his uncle’s lake house. Like literally part of the family. We have a good rapport as well and I feel very comfortable taking risks and getting things wrong with him. His MA is just a gem of a person and I’m obsessed with her and her baby (who is also one of his patients - did I mention this was small town medicine?) and she’s the one who told me I should come back to work at the clinic after I graduated (see previous post) and like - I would.
So overall it’s safe to say - this is a pretty amazing place with pretty amazing doctors and this clerkship has been pretty amazing.
But what I am struggling with, what I have been struggling with since the beginning, is separating my feelings about this office and this practice and these people from my feelings about family medicine as a practice and life pursuit. Ima try - we will see.
So things I like about family medicine: I like the diversity of the practice. I like that I get to do a little bit of everything. That in one day we might see a couple people with long term issues, a couple healthy people in for a check up, a couple people with acute problems and then a couple kiddies and OB’s to round out the day. It’s exciting that each patient has something very different that is bothering them and that you never quite know how an appointment is going to go. I’ve had plenty of people with diabetes who have been struggling and then all of a sudden they come in and they are like “I’ve turned my life around” and their A1C is 5.7 and I’m like Umm yes you have let’s celebrate and that is the appointment. I’ve had people come in with weird symptoms that end up being nothing big. I’ve had one person come in with a pretty serious ectopic pregnancy scare. I feel like I’m constantly on my toes and I love it.
Sorta on a similar note - I am really liking the OB and pediatric stuff, more than I thought I would. I got to deliver a baby in my second week and on Friday I scrubbed in for a C-section and it was exhilarating. I also have always loved kids and getting to do well child visits has been so so fun for me during this clerkship. Both of these aspects of family medicine have kept things fresh for me constantly and also given me some insight as to how these other rotations will go in the future.
I like the hours - so sue me. I really like getting done by 5 pm and getting to spend some time at night studying and reading and watching TV. I like that I can go to bed early and then wake up early for my runs and still have time to get to clinic an hour before the first patient. I like that I can spend my weekends exploring and hiking and relaxing and grocery shopping. I like that my preceptor can invite me over for a campfire on a Monday night and I have the time to meet his kids and eat s’mores and talk.
I like the longitudinal care - I feel like I’m on the ground with these patients. Working next to them day to day in their care. I’m not some guy high up in the sky shouting orders and expecting them to be done. I’m here in the trenches following the A1C, the blood pressure, the weight, the level of anxiety, the amount of times they couldn’t leave the house because of their depression. I love that my preceptor ends each appointment asking a personal question - so how are the kids? So hold old is Jane now? Have you been up to the lake at all? Is your wife feeling better after leaving her job? He doesn’t need to be prompted. He knows them.
I like how much my words have an impact on someone - maybe this is because I am still at the very beginning of third year, but sometimes I feel so helpless with the amount I don’t know still. I struggle a lot with pharmacology. I often see something and think it’s one thing, but really it’s something else. I still don’t feel confident on many aspects of the physical exam. But also some times when patients come in and there aren’t any drugs that will fix them and there isn’t any specialist they can see - they just need someone to look them in the eye and say “I’m here with you.” And being able to do that and see a patient respond positively to me - it means the world. It’s so powerful. I feel so powerful. I love it.
Some things I don’t like as much: Well as much as my preceptor’s schedule is mixed up sometimes I do get bored dealing with diabetes and hypertension. I mean, yes, there are always other things going on, but about two days almost every patient that had walked in was a 4 month follow up for one of those problems and I was scared that was all this was. I actually had a moment in that first week when things felt boring when I thought to myself - oh shit is this what the rest of my life is? Then I remembered like noooo this is what the next five weeks is and then things change again and then you’re life can be whatever you want. But some days when I get tired of writing notes or just seeing basically the same thing over and over I go back to that moment and I try to think if this - sitting in clinic day in and day out - is really want I want the rest of my life to be.
And well...I feel terrible for saying this, but it does hold me back mentally - sometimes the prestige factor gets into my head and freaks me out. Sometimes I think, wait do I really just want to do primary care after spending all this time at med school and working so hard and blah blah blah...ahhh I hate myself for thinking it, but it gets in there and that’s the cold honest truth and I need to address it to fully appreciate all the choices I have this year in front of me.
Anyway, I know there are more cons and I have a lot more to say but I’ve been writing this now for almost two hours and I need to go home and eat.
General gist is - things are good. I am having a great third year so far. We will see what this week brings. I am still undecided on what the fuck to do with the rest of my life.
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Not So Straight Golden Boy (2/2)
Part One: here Word count: ~7,000 Rating: T+ Summary: Corbin Harvey has always had a small manageable crush on Kent Parson. Unfortunately for him, that crush remains neither small nor manageable once he stumbles upon Kent naked in the locker room. A/N: Thanks for reading/liking/commenting! A03
The next morning Harvey woke up with a painful thudding headache just behind his eyes. He groaned and buried his head back into his pillow. Harvey had spent the rest of the evening subtly avoiding being alone with Kent until Tara finally took pity on him and they left. Just thinking back to the feel of Kent’s warm toned body pressed tightly up against his set his blood coursing downward.
Harvey groaned again and rolled out of bed, heading to the bathroom for some much needed advil. He had only just dry swallowed the pills and made a half assed attempt at brushing his teeth when Tara bombarded him at the door to the hall.
“Oh my god,” she said, far too loud for Harvey’s hangover. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a thing with Kent fucking Parson?”
Harvey pushed past her into the living room and plopped down onto the couch. “I have no clue what you’re talking about and my head feels like it’s about to explode.”
Tara leapt up onto the couch beside him as though she were a cat. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and held it up to him. Harvey glanced at it to humor her and his gaze got caught on the photo. It was of him and Kent dancing and god he looked about two seconds away from kissing the man.
Their heads were bent together and a mischievous smile played at Kent’s lips, head tilted back to meet Harvey’s gaze, arms wrapped loosely around Harvey’s neck. Harvey’s hands were low enough on Kent’s waist that they were out of frame and from the angle, it could be argued they rested on Kent’s ass. The pure lust on his own face was as plain to see as the logo on his shirt.
“When did you take this?”
Tara took her phone back and bit her lip. “I didn’t.” She clicked a couple of times before handing it back to him.
The picture was small at the top of the screen, Harvey scanned down the page and bit back a groan. It was a TMZ article. The picture of him and Kent was a fucking TMZ article. He was too hungover for this shit. “Fuck,” he murmured, handing the phone back to Tara. “I can’t look. How bad is it.” He hung his head in his hands.
Tara nudged him gently until he looked up and met her gaze. “It’s not bad, don’t worry. You aren’t even front page worthy.”
Harvey stared at her in bewilderment - how were there not hundreds of articles speculating about Kent’s sexuality after such a compromising picture of the two of them together? As if sensing his thoughts, Tara shot him a sympathetic smile.
“The article basically just talks about Kent Parson, leading scorer and captain of the Las Vegas Aces,” Tara said with what he supposed was her imitation of a sports reporter voice, “spent the night clubbing with friends. They didn’t even bother to look you up. The caption of the photo is literally, Kent Parson with friend at High Tops night club.”
Harvey breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t hide his sexuality - he didn’t broadcast it either, but still he would’ve felt like complete and utter shit if he had caused problems for Kent.
“I’ve got to give him a heads up.” He grabbed his phone off the coffee table where he’d left it the night before and shot off a quick text to Kent.
10:21 am: Hey, don’t know if you saw this but I’m so sorry man.
His phone buzzed less than a minute later.
10:21 am: Dude why tho?
Before Harvey could obsess over what that meant, three texts pinged his phone, one after the other.
10:21 am: If anything i should be apologizing to u. like this is all my fault that you got caught up in the pappparazzi shit
10:21 am: paparazzi*
10:22 am:lemme take u out to dinner tonight to make up for it
Harvey stared at his phone wordlessly.
“What’d he say?” Tara asked, leaning over his shoulder to read his screen. She whistled. “Damn. Boy is smooth.”
Harvey tapped out a quick affirmative response before looking at Tara. “Sorry, what’d you say?”
“Nothing.” Tara shook her head and ruffled his hair before getting up off the couch in search of food.
With no indication of where they were going for the evening, other than the instructions to “dress sorta fancy but not like overdone” whatever that meant, Harvey surveyed his closet. He’d tried on three different shirts before chastising himself with the reminder that he was not a preteen about to go on his first date. He was just going to have dinner with a friend.
When he walked out into the living room Tara wolf whistled at him and he felt good about his choice of dark wash skinny jeans and light blue button down. Harvey rolled his eyes at Tara’s teasing about his hot date, before hustling out the door. When he got down to the lobby of his building Kent was waiting there with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and missing his almost ever present snapback. His eyes lit up when he spotted Harvey and he waved him over.
“Nice place,” Kent said, as he led Harvey out of the building. He’d insisted on picking Harvey up as opposed to meeting there since that would reveal their mystery location.
Harvey scoffed. “Sure and I’m the queen of Egypt.”
Kent cracked a smile and ran his fingers through his hair as they approached his car. His cowlick was standing straight on end and Harvey couldn’t fight the urge to reach out and attempt to brush it down. His finger ran gently over the lock, brushing lightly across his forehead in an effort to keep it down. Kent froze beneath his fingers, but the second Harvey lifted his hand the cowlick sprung back up.
“Okay that did absolutely nothing,” Harvey said, eyeing the stubborn hair.
Kent shrugged and turned away, face flushed bright. Harvey felt bad for bringing up what was apparently a sore subject. He slid into the front seat as Kent walked around the car and climbed in.
“So where are we going?” Harvey asked as Kent pulled out onto the street.
Kent huffed out a laugh and glanced at him with a smile that made his heart skip. “It’s a surprise Harvard.”
Twenty minutes later they pulled up to a sort of dingy looking building far from the strip and anything else other than highway. The brick was old and weathered, and not in the intentional way that the designers on Tara’s (and Harvey’s) favorite HGTV show liked to do. A couple of windows on the first floor had boards over them, while the glass of the second story was completely, unnaturally dark. Kent got out of the car and was around to Harvey’s side, opening his door while Harvey tried to see through the dingy exterior.
“Is this the part where you murder me and sell my kidney?”
Kent laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him out of the seat with strength that still managed to surprise him. He released Harvey’s hand as soon as he was standing and bumped their shoulders together.
“Nah,” he said. “It might not look like it, but this place is the best kept secret of Vegas.” Kent led them up to the door and swung it open revealing what looked like an ordinary hallway, perhaps a bit more upkept than Harvey would’ve expected judging by the exterior. Without missing a beat Kent walked down the hall and turned the corner to a staircase, with Harvey close behind him. Up the stairs there was yet another door.
Before they even reached it, the door opened for them and a young man wearing all black glanced at the pair of them. “Mr. Parson? West corner table for two?”
Kent smiled at the kid and nodded.
“Right this way.”
Stepping through the door was like entering an alternate universe. The ceiling was spotted with dark wooden beams and hanging lanterns. The floor was white marble and there were only a half dozen tables, all spaced widely apart. A waterfall decorated the far wall and a piano was in the corner, with a woman dressed in a red cocktail dress at its keys. Harvey felt suddenly underdressed.
They were led to a table next to a huge window that overlooked the city. A menu was already waiting at each of the seats and the host pulled out the chair for each of them before disappearing back to the door.
“Okay,” Kent said, gaze flitting away from Harvey down to his menu before back up again. “This restaurant is pretty exclusive. So you won’t find this place on any website or Vegas guide map. I figured we’d be safe from the paparazzi here. And since I’m apologizing for them it’d be sorta shitty of me to invite you out someplace where there might be paparazzi again.”
Paparazzi, right. Harvey had to remind himself that this wasn’t a date. Kent Parson was straight and just a friend. He could not be crushing on him. If he repeated himself often enough maybe it’d be true.
It seemed like Kent was waiting for him to say something so he stopped silently reprimanding himself and smiled at Kent. “It looks perfect.”
Harvey glanced down at the menu and the lack of prices made his stomach twist. “Uh, should I be worried about how much this place costs?”
Kent waved a dismissive hand. “I got it man.”
“Kent Parson,” Harvey said, reprimanding.
“Corbin Harvey.” Kent smirked at him.
“Ugh fine,” Harvey threw his hands up in the air. “But you have to let me treat next time.”
Kent’s smirk melted into a smile. “Deal.”
It seemed like the instant they both figured out what they wanted a waitress appeared. She took their orders and their menus before disappearing once more. Other than the soft murmurs coming from the other patrons and the tinkling keys of the piano the restaurant was quieter than any other he’d ever been in.
“So how’d you find this place?” Harvey asked, taking a sip of his water.
“My ex’s dad actually added me to the approved patrons list.”
Harvey raised his brows. “What is he like a movie star or something?”
“Or something,” Kent said with a small smile.
“Wow,” Harvey said, not pressing further, “I can’t imagine rubbing elbows with the rich and famous like that.”
“You do realize who you’re out to dinner with, right?”
Harvey laughed, “Wow and humble too.”
Kent laughed and tilted his glass towards Harvey in a silent toast. “Touché.”
They chatted for a few minutes before the waitress came by with their food, and Harvey had to marvel at how quick the service was. He took a bite of his steak and had to choke back a moan. From the look on Kent’s face he was in a similar state of ecstasy.
“So,” Harvey said after a moment, pushing the food around on his fork. “Sorry again if you’re getting any grief about that picture.”
“Hey,” Kent said, wrapping his fingers around Harvey’s wrist to stay his movements. “Don’t even worry about it. Heteronormativity man,” Kent shook his head, fingers brushing absentmindedly across Harvey’s wrist. “I could kiss you and they’d be like Kent and friend goofing off at five star restaurant alone together.”
Harvey’s breath caught. I could kiss you. The words were running on a constant loop and he knew that Kent didn’t mean anything by it but his stomach erupted in butterflies anyway. Harvey met his gaze and smiled.
“Yeah,” he said, “It’s pretty fucked.”
“Take me for instance,” Kent continued with a shrug before shoveling in another bite.
It took a minute for Harvey to figure out what he was talking about. But then one of the first conversations they’d shared came back to him. He smiled, remembering Kent’s confusion when Harvey had told him Audrey was having a kid. He nodded at Kent, Harvey still sometimes looked at the world with his heteronormative goggles on too.
The sun set and the city stretched out before them, all that light and glitz nothing more than pinpricks in the distance. By the time dessert arrived Harvey could honestly say he couldn’t remember ever having a more pleasant evening. And that was before he bit into the almost orgasmic Amedei Porcelana chocolate sundae.
“So uh,” Kent said, taking a bite from his gross vanilla cake thing. “I feel like I still owe you an apology, not just for the paparazzi thing, but because I sort of freaked out on you when I first saw you at the club.”
Harvey waved a dismissive hand. “Forget about it,” he said taking another bite of literal chocolate heaven. “You were forgiven before you bought me the best fucking sundae in the world and now I feel like I should be apologizing to you again for not being a good enough human being to deserve this.”
Kent barked out a laugh and shoveled a bite into his mouth. “Well at least let me explain why I was already on edge when we got to the club.”
Harvey nodded at him to continue, trying in vain to slow down so he wouldn’t get brain freeze.
“Playing the Falconers is always kinda shitty for me, since they drafted Zimms - er Jack Zimmerman.” Harvey could vaguely remember reading something about the two of them before, but he’d honestly only been a casual hockey fan when he was growing up and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to presume from what Kent was saying. Luckily Kent seemed to take pity on him. “We were in the Q together and supposed to be drafted together. A bunch of shitty dominoes led to me being drafted by the Aces and him spending years finding his footing before eventually ending up with the Falconers.”
Kent looked uncomfortable and Harvey ached to reach out for him but held back, unsure if the touch would be welcome or not.
“Anyway, we didn’t leave things well and it’s just gotten worse and more toxic over the years. I’d just botched up another apology when I met you actually.” Kent’s eyes were wide and his bottom lip started twitching. He dug his teeth into his lip.
Fuck it, Harvey thought, reaching across the table to clasp Kent’s hand. Kent glanced up at him in surprise and Harvey smiled at him.
“Try again.”
“What?”
“Try apologizing again,” Harvey said, maybe he shouldn’t get involved, but he never was good at keeping quiet when people he cared about were in pain. “You’re not going to be able to let it go and move on completely until you two clear the air.”
Kent pulled his hand away and took a large bite of his dessert, chewing methodically before speaking. “I’ve tried apologizing before. It doesn’t end well. I’m pretty sure there’s no way Jack would forgive me now.”
“My Nan used to say apologize and don’t make the same mistake again. If they forgive you is up to them, but at least you’ll sleep knowing you did everything you could to make things right.”
Kent was quiet for a moment mulling over his words. “I’ll try. I want to make things right. It’s just they’ve been wrong between us for so long I think we’ve forgotten how to be friends.”
“Start with that,” Harvey said. “Be sincere and he’ll have to listen.”
The next day Harvey watched the game streaming live onto his laptop as much as he could while working, wondering if Kent had already taken his advice or if he was waiting until after the game. He wanted to try to call Kent after press, but a drunken parent with a laundry list of complaints followed by the peewee manager needing to discuss next month’s schedule right now kept him busy long enough that he worried Kent was already to bed with the time difference.
Harvey sighed as he grabbed his briefcase from beside his desk and shut off his light. He stepped out into the hall and nearly collided into a woman on the cleaning crew. He apologized quickly and started heading towards the exit. His phone chimed in his pocket. A smile lit up his face as he saw the caller id.
“Harvard!” Kent said, before Harvey could say much more than hello. “I was hoping to catch you.”
“Well you caught me. Sorry about the game tonight by the way.”
“I don’t care about that.” Kent said dismissively. “I called to tell you that I took your advice and actually made it all the way through an apology to Jack and he apologized to me too! We even have plans to grab lunch before I have to fly back to Vegas tomorrow.”
Harvey could hear the wide, uninhibited smile in Kent’s voice and he was struck by the wayward thought that he might be getting addicted to Kent’s happiness.“I like seeing you happy,” he said before he could stop himself.
“Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.”
Harvey pulled his phone away from his ear for a second, wondering if he was losing his mind.
“It’s from Legally Blonde,” Kent said, when Harvey still hadn’t responded. “You’ve seen it haven’t you?”
“Uh, no.” At least it was only a missed reference and he wasn’t going crazy.
“It’s a classic,” Kent said, outraged. “Oh my god what are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Nothing really.” Harvey shrugged, he was probably just going to be at home and chill with Tara.
“Okay well we have to watch it as soon as I get back to Vegas. I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.” Kent gasped. “Oh that means you’ll get to meet Kit.”
Harvey smiled fondly. “I can’t wait.”
Kent’s apartment wasn’t as extravagant as Harvey had expected. It was nice, cozy even, but not excessively huge or ultra modern. His couch was sleek gray and huge, yet somehow they managed to sit close enough that their shoulders were touching less than halfway through the movie and Harvey had to admit it was a pretty good movie.
Harvey had sunk back into the pillows and Kent’s head had lolled onto his shoulder less than ten minutes later. Harvey’s heart fluttered. He was in so much trouble. He should’ve roused Kent or left, or shifted over so Kent wasn’t leaning on him but he didn’t and now he only had himself to blame for the situation he was in.
He must’ve fallen asleep at some point after the movie and subsequent late night tv marathon because he woke up laying on the couch with a warm pressure on his chest. Cracking an eye open revealed Kent was nestled into his side, head tucked under his chin, legs tangled together. Harvey’s arms were wrapped tightly around him.
He tried to slowly extract himself, but before he’d gotten himself out of the compromising situation Kent was shifting away and shooting him a shy smile.
“Sorry I passed out on you,” he said, rubbing his eyes.
Harvey was suddenly flooded with emotions he’d been trying hard to ignore. He couldn’t deny it any longer.
He was in love with Kent.
“What time is it?” Kent mumbled, blissfully unaware of Harvey’s revelation.
Harvey glanced down at his watch and tried to act normal. “Quarter past seven.”
Kent groaned and flopped back down, tugging Harvey with him until they were cuddled up again. “It’s too early. Go back to sleep.”
“I could - I should probably be getting home.”
Kent cracked an eye open and peered at him. “If you want to,” he said, wrapping his arms around Harvey as though he were a giant teddy bear. “But I’ve got nothing better to do until a charity thing at noon so you’re welcome to stay.”
Against his better judgement Harvey relaxed in Kent’s embrace and fell back asleep. He was too tall for the couch really, and his neck was at a sort of odd angle with Kent’s boney elbow pressed up into his side. He’d never slept better.
A couple days later he was trying to catch up on his emails when he heard the door to his office creak open. Harvey looked up and smiled when he saw Jeff standing in the doorway.
“Hey, you busy man?”
“No,” Harvey said, turning away from the computer. “I could use a distraction.”
Jeff smiled and plopped down in the chair across from his desk.
“What’s up? I hear you’ve been texting Tara.”
A brilliant flush crept up Jeff’s cheeks and Harvey had to fight the urge to laugh.
“Yeah,” he said, running a hand through his hair before turning his sharp gaze on Harvey. “But I didn’t come here to talk about that.”
“What did you come here to talk about?”
A cheshire smile broke out on his face. “Kent told me all about your dinner the other day,” he said, voice teasing.
Harvey sighed contentedly and smiled. “It was nice.”
The grin on Jeff’s face was far too pleased and Harvey schooled his expression. He had to remind himself that Jeff lived to chirp Kent, and Harvey by extension.
“You jealous bro?” Harvey asked, before Jeff got a chance to tease him.
Jeff laughed. “Nah man, I don’t mind sharing. I just figured Parser has been in too good of a mood lately for me not to chirp him. And the best way to do that is definitely through you. So tell him I told you some embarrassing shit when you guys talk later, would you?”
Harvey huffed out a laugh. “Alright.”
Jeff winked as he stood. “Thanks Harvard.”
As Harvey was leaving the rink that evening he shot a text to Kent before pocketing his phone with a mischievous smile.
Jeff came by earlier to talk about our dinner.
He’d only just sat down in his car when his phone buzzed a moment later. Kent was calling him. Harvey had barely said hello before Kent was speaking.
“OH MY GOD. What did that fucker say now? I swear I’m going to murder him - ”
“Relax,” Harvey said, “Kent man chill. Jeff was just trying to mess with you. What would there be to be embarrassed about anyway.”
“Right,” Kent said sighing, “Right sorry, I just thought - well it’s not like Jeff would do anything to hurt me - just embarrass me.”
“Exactly,” Harvey said, “Hey speaking of dinner, you want to come over to my place tonight? Tara and I were planning on making tacos.”
Harvey could practically hear the smile in Kent’s voice as he responded. “Definitely.”
Kent was a tactile person, Harvey decided, when Kent swung an arm around his shoulder as he stood beside him in the kitchen. It was the fourth time he touched Harvey that evening - not that he was counting - even if Tara kept wiggling her eyebrows at him when Kent was distracted.
Harvey was cutting up tomato for the tacos when he felt a hand on his ass. He whipped his head around to see Kent pickpocketing him.
“What are you doing?” Harvey asked, voice an octave higher than normal.
Kent slipped the phone from Harvey’s pocket and held it up in triumph. “Putting on music.”
Harvey tried to ignore the look Tara was giving him and watched as Kent typed in his password and pulled up spotify, putting on a pop playlist.
“How do you know my password?” Harvey asked, as Kent walked over to the cupboard and pulled out a glass, dropping the phone into it to amplify the sound.
“Your birthday isn’t all that original of a password.” Kent turned back to Harvey with a smirk before sharing a commiserating look with Tara.
Tara laughed and passed Kent a red pepper to chop before setting a pan on the stove for the chicken. “He’s got you there Harvey.”
While not a particularly impressive chef, Kent was good at following orders, and the tacos came out delicious. The three of them ate perched at the rickety dining room table that was squished in the corner of their kitchen. And rather than marvel over the fact that Kent had somehow managed to worm his way into Harvey’s life and his heart, he decided to just sit back and enjoy it.
Later that evening after talking, laughing and half watching a dozen reruns of Seinfeld, Harvey was trying to stall Kent’s inevitable departure. Not only did he not want the particularly pleasant evening to end, but he didn’t want to be left alone with Tara either, not with that speculative - almost predatory look on her face. But all too soon Kent was yawning loudly, and shifting away from his position slumped at Harvey’s side to head to the door.
Harvey walked him out and took a deep breath before returning to what he knew would be an interrogation.
Tara was perched on the arm of the couch when he returned and patted the seat beside her invitingly. Harvey sighed as he walked over and plopped down, throwing his arm across his face dramatically.
“Okay, go ahead. I know you’re dying to.”
Tara pried his arm away from his face and squished down into the seat next to him. “You two are so cute!”
Harvey rolled his eyes.
“I’m serious,” Tara said, squeezing his arm. “He’s definitely into you - I’m pretty sure he spent less than ten minutes the entire time he was here not touching you.”
“He’s straight Tara,” Harvey said. There was no point in getting his hopes up for someone unattainable - not again.
She put her hand on her hip and stared down at him in a scary imitation of her mother. “What makes you say that?”
“Um A. because I like him,” Harvey said, ticking off the points on his fingers. “B. he plays hockey, C. I’m pretty sure he was dating some reality star a couple years ago.”
“Yeah some real rock solid evidence you have there,” Tara said with an eyeroll. “As opposed to oh I don’t know, the fact that he can’t take his eyes off you, he was hella pissed when we were dancing together, he took you out to a five star restaur-”
“Okay okay enough,” Harvey said covering his ears until Tara took pity on him and turned the T.V back on.
Harvey and Kent hung out often over the following two weeks, grabbing a bite to eat together, watching a movie, or the occasional drink. On one memorable occasion Kent and Harvey were watching a movie at Kent’s place when he put his feet in Harvey’s lap. Harvey tried to breath normally and lasted all of five minutes before he had to leap up to avoid Kent noticing his raging hard on.
One evening they had been making waffles for dinner together when Harvey almost kissed him. Kent was standing with his back to the waffle iron, eyes alight with mirth as he gazed up at Harvey. Harvey inched closer and his head tilted down of his own accord, lips parting. The sound of Tara opening the front door had him jolting out of his stupor and jumping back from Kent. He couldn’t look the other man in the eye the rest of the evening.
Harvey needed to get a handle on his wayward emotions, before he made a fool of himself. He blamed it on being overworked with Audrey out, so the day she came back he breathed a sigh of relief.
It was the first home game in months that he could actually attend instead of work, and he fully intended to enjoy himself - even if Tara couldn’t come with him. He probably should’ve felt embarrassed about slipping into his Kent Parson Jersey before heading down to the rink, but he was too full of giddy anticipation to feel anything else.
Harvey cheered along with the rest of the Aces fans when the team skated out onto the ice for warmups. The thrill of the crowd was electric - he’d missed this. It wasn’t the same from behind the scenes.
Harvey couldn’t lose himself in the crowd for too long though, because before he knew it his face was up on the jumbotron. Harvey smiled. Of course Leo would seek him out in the crowd after he let slip he’d actually be attending this game. He waved gamely and twisted around in his seat to show whose jersey he was wearing.
A moment later there were shocked gasps skittering through the crowd. He whipped back around to face the ice and saw Kent skating towards the edge of the rink with blood dripping down his face. Harvey stood, before realizing the futility of the action. What had happened? Someone met Kent at the edge of the rink with a cloth which he immediately pressed up to his nose. He lifted his gaze and sent the crowd a thumbs up.
Luckily Kent’s nose stopped bleeding a moment later and Harvey could breathe a sigh of relief. The game was fast paced and intense. Kent was stunning on the ice, bloody nose quickly forgotten. He moved with unrivaled grace and speed, scoring three times before the game was over.
Harvey waited outside of the press room after the game, hoping to catch Kent. A couple of players filed out and clapped Harvey on the back as they passed. The past few weeks he’d noticed more players acknowledging the rest of the rink’s staff as well. It was a stark contrast from the atmosphere prior to his friendship with Kent. Harvey smiled to himself as he watched some of the press filed out before Kent finally emerged. Kent shot Harvey a shy, sheepish smile when he waved him over.
“Hey,” Harvey said, pulling Kent into a quick hug to stop himself from doing something infinitely worse, like stroke his fingers gently across the purple bruise blooming on his face. “Nice hatty.”
He felt Kent bury his smile in his shoulder before clapping him on the back and pulling out of the hug. “Thanks man,” he said. “I’ve got to go shower, but maybe we can hang tomorrow?”
Harvey nodded, unable to bite back his smile all the way home.
Tara was already home when Harvey walked in and she ushered him over to the couch the instant he walked through the door.
“Oh my god,” she said, shifting her laptop so Harvey could see what was on the screen. “Did you see this while you were at the game?”
Harvey peered at the screen where a gif was looping of Kent skating forward with his head tilted back, eyes on something above him before crashing face first directly into Corey Motts’ helmet. Harvey shook his head.
“I had my back to the rink when that happened,” he cringed as gif-Kent smacked into the helmet again and again.
Tara turned to him. “Um why would you have your back to the rink?”
“It was just warm ups,” Harvey said defensively. “Plus I was showing off my jersey on the jumbotron.”
A giddy laugh escaped Tara. “You were not. Oh my god. We have to go on tumblr.” She pulled the computer more firmly into her lap and typed Kent’s name into the tumblr search bar.
A bunch of videos and gifs popped up, the most popular of which was a zoomed out video of the other gif, where it was clear that Kent’s gaze was trained on the jumbotron when he crashed into Mottler.
“He was watching you.”
Even though that was obviously what was happening in the video, it was as if Harvey’s brain couldn’t compute the information. Tara kept scrolling, stopping at a shot by shot analysis of what went down.
“Wow,” Tara said as she read the post. “This person put two and two together and realized you’re the same person who was dancing with Kent a while back.”
“What?” Harvey said, grabbing the laptop from Tara’s hands.
The post had slow motion gifs of the exact moment Kent noticed who was up on the jumbotron. He smiled up at the screen while Harvey was waving, and it was an instant after Harvey turned around that Kent stumbled and crashed into Mottler. After that was the photo of them dancing with a caption asserting Kent must be crushing on the mystery guy.
“Uhh,” Harvey said, unable to form words.
Tara took pity on him, patting his shoulder before gently prying the laptop from his hands. “Okay, enough tumblr for you for one day. Don’t worry, tumblr isn’t like the rest of the internet - I’m sure no other site has even realized you’re the same guy.”
Tara’s words soothed him, but he couldn’t erase the the glance he’d seen of the text from the post below that from his mind. People were shipping them together. They thought Kent looked happier recently and attributed it to him. Huh.
Kent called him the following afternoon and invited him over for some takeout and a movie, and Harvey was helpless to refuse. He was smiling when he knocked on Kent’s door. He’d come to look forward to their movie nights and with the Aces away all last week they hadn’t hung out in far too long.
The door swung open and Jeff Troy was there instead of Kent. Harvey’s face fell before he plastered on his smile. Jeff ushered him in, explaining that Kent was getting the movie set up and that he hoped Harvey didn’t mind him crashing. Harvey smiled and said it was fine, since what else was he supposed to say?
Harvey followed Swoops into the living room where Kent was fiddling with his DVD player because he somehow didn’t have a smart TV even though he definitely could’ve afforded one. Kent turned towards them when they entered and beamed at Harvey.
“Hey,” Kent said, standing and crossing the room towards them quickly before stopping short just a foot away. “I hope it’s cool I invited Swoops along.”
“Oh yeah, of course.” Harvey smiled and hoped they couldn’t tell how forced it was. He shouldn’t be upset that it wasn’t just the two of them - Kent had no obligation to him.
The three of them sat on the couch with Kent in the middle. Harvey was sitting ramrod straight and couldn’t get himself to relax - it felt like Jeff was watching him. Kent’s hand came down on the back of his neck and rubbed gently.
“Dude, you okay?” he asked, voice quiet, though they were all so close together there was no point.
Harvey nodded, relaxing into the touch. “I’m good,” he said, turning a little towards Kent and jolting slightly at how close their faces were. He cleared his throat and faced the T.V.
Kent withdrew his hand and Harvey tried to seem unaffected. This was going to be a long night.
Fifteen minutes or so into the movie Harvey noticed Jeff watching him from the corner of his eye and stiffened. Kent lifted his head off Harvey’s shoulder and peered at him mutely before turning back to the T.V. And when had that happened? He couldn’t remember when his arm had draped around Kent’s shoulder, or when the man tilted into him, snuggled into his side.
Harvey took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth to try to calm himself. He repeated the action several times until his pulse returned to normal. Kent was just a tactile person, Jeff had to know that - and it wasn’t as though he was trapping Kent against his side. If the man felt uncomfortable he could pull back at any time.
Harvey returned his attention to the screen and they were watching Neighbors? He’d thought they were watching 21 Jump Street, had that movie been on the screen the whole time? Harvey needed to pull himself together.
He shifted slightly, gently maneuvering his shoulder out from underneath Kent before standing. He mumbled something about the bathroom and fled as they paused the movie. Though there was really no use for that since he had no clue what was going on anyway.
Harvey locked the door behind him and splashed his face with cool water. He stared at himself at the mirror. Relax, fucking relax man. He thought to himself, meeting his reflection’s stoney gaze. God he was going to embarrass himself if he didn’t get it under control.
Harvey took another couple deep breaths before opening the door and walking back towards Kent’s living room. He was going to get through this evening without revealing his feelings for Kent. He had to.
“Dude, he’s definitely hella into you.” Jeff’s voice drifted into the hallway and Harvey froze. So much for no one figuring out his crush today.
“I don’t know,” Kent said, defending him. “You saw him leap up when he realized I was leaning on his shoulder.”
Harvey’s feet were glued to the floor and he couldn’t get his traitorous body to do anything other than listen.
“Kent, I’m telling you this as your best friend. He likes you.”
Harvey finally jolted himself out of his stupor and stumbled forward into the living room before Kent could answer and break his fucking heart. Both men were standing in front of the couch, and Jeff’s hands dropped from Kent’s shoulder’s as the man whipped around to face Harvey, face flushed a brilliant red.
“How much of that did you hear?” Kent asked, voice high and reedy.
Harvey ignored his question and stepped closer to the pair of them. “I am so sorry Kent.”
Kent’s shoulders sagged and his gaze dropped from Harvey’s face. Harvey spared a glance towards Jeff who looked exceedingly uncomfortable but he plowed on nonetheless.
“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I know you don’t feel the same way about me as I do you and I’m totally good with being just friends,” Harvey said, tripping over his words.
“How do you feel about me?” Kent asked, eyes wide as he took a step closer to Harvey.
“Are you really going to make me say it?” Harvey was distantly aware of Jeff slipping out of the apartment as he fought his own urge to flee.
Kent gazed up at Harvey, brown eyes piercing, seemingly content to wait for Harvey to answer.
This is it, Harvey thought, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m in love with you.”
“Oh thank god.”
Harvey’s eyes flew open just in time to see Kent lunge towards him, crashing their mouths together. While Harvey’s mind was still three moves behind, his body caught up. He wrapped his arms around Kent and pulled him as close as physically possible. Kent’s lips were firm, insistent, demanding against Harvey’s as he kissed the ever loving shit out of him.
Kent pressed his tongue against the seam of his lips and Harvey opened for him, soft and pliant. Kent’s fingers were tangled in the short strands of Harvey’s hair, hips thrusting ever so slightly against Harvey’s. Harvey skimmed his hands down Kent’s waist to rest on the soft curve of his ass, squeezing lightly. Kent moaned into the kiss and it was enough to jolt Harvey’s brain back into action.
He broke their kiss, watching with amazement as Kent swayed forward chasing his lips for a moment before opening his eyes and pulling back slightly, dropping down off his tiptoes.
“Not that I’m not enjoying this, because I’m really fucking enjoying this,” Harvey said, voice rough and breathless. “But I am so confused. I thought you were straight.”
Kent rested his head against Harvey’s shoulder and let out a breathy laugh before shifting to face him. “Oh my god no. I’ve been flirting with you since we met. Did you seriously not notice?”
Harvey shook his head. He’d been so sure Kent was straight that he justified anything between them as Kent being friendly. God he was so oblivious. Kent had been so pissed when he thought Harvey and Tara were dating, he didn’t shift away when Harvey wrapped an arm around his shoulder - he snuggled in to the touch, they went out to dinner at what was probably the fanciest restaurant in all of Vegas, and he’d even tripped into one of his own teammates and nearly broken his nose when he saw Harvey wearing his jersey for godsakes.
“I thought you were straight,” Harvey repeated weakly.
“Let me be perfectly clear,” Kent said, stroking a finger down Harvey’s cheek. “I am not at all straight.” He punctuated his words with a brief press of his lips to the the scruffy line of Harvey’s jaw. “And I am desperately in love with you.”
Harvey kissed the words from Kent’s lips. He wrapped his arms around Kent and lifted, smiling into the kiss as Kent wrapped his legs around Harvey’s waist and moaned.
Harvey had never been so happy to be wrong in his life.
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My Kinda Sorta “Poem” about NRI
Find the video at: https://t.co/clhxDXpEWb
So I’m sorry I’m bad with poetry, the way words mingle together does not come easily to this little bee. But I would like to say what NyxRisingIndustries means to me.
I think a bit of backstory is necessary for this tale before I get too sappy. I was a pre-teen who was seldom happy, keeping emotions bottled inside until they exploded in a fit of tears and isolation. I’d spend many of my younger days locked in the bathroom, covering my mouth to keep the sound of my tears silent, silent, don’t let them hear. They can’t know you’re unhappy, so many kids have it worse than you.
I self harmed in ways that weren’t obvious to my family, keeping things hidden under a good pair of jeans or a couple lies, the illusion of having eaten at school. I’m ill, I can’t have dinner right now or it’ll just come back up, feigning sleep for days until I felt like my body wasn’t mine but somebody else’s and I had just been told to navigate it.
I did just enough to stay alive but never to really live. That is until I found Nyx, I was 16. Wow, that doesn’t seem like so long ago when I think about it now, but the process of change for me has felt like years, and I still don’t think I’m quite done yet.
It had been simple, almost too simple.
Forget that my meals were anything but regular and don’t listen to the sounds I made, whispering my secrets to porcelain diaries for only they could keep these things silent,
Nevermind that little limp of mine, I twisted my ankle climbing down the steps and ignore my flinch when you all press in a little too close, a little too fast,
Lying became something I did with every other breath because I couldn’t tell people that I was upset, I didn’t deserve their sympathy because I was selfish,
A pampered prince who’d didn’t know real hardship.
So instead I’d keep it down, locked up tight and out of sight, only showing the smallest bit of true emotion when I’d step under a much too cold spray of h2o,
I’d release a small hiss as the icy rivulets traveled down my thighs, helping bright red twirl twirl twirl down the drain hiding my sins as it traveled through the pipes
That is until I had stumbled upon a video on YouTube, and I know that sounds silly but please, just let me explain,
A rag-tag group of pals, proudly parading through a con, costumes on and smiles seemingly instinctual.
It was peculiar to say the least, I’d never paid much attention others grins but these ones seemed so bright they almost made me blind and I couldnt even remember the last time I’d smiled with such wild abandon.
Cameras up a few inches high and an arm’s length away but providing a small glimpse, a window, into a world I didn’t believe I was privy too but oooh boy did I want to be.
To me, this had seemed like a movie, something on a big screen showing a younger me that, yes, that is what you could be
Fast forward a week, after the obsessive watching of all of their videos,
I’d felt more like a…friend than I would normally be comfortable saying,
But hey, I’m here to be honest aren’t I?
And while I’m being honest, heres just a few things I’ve decided I’d like to say to you:
So I think I’ve brought you up to speed, there’s no more to tell really. Except how I was…saved? Is that the right phrase?
I sound so sappy, so dreadfully dull when I phrase it like that I can’t think of another term to correctly say it. I was saved.
When I think of Nyx, Bee, Sasha, Jack, I think of a family. A community of comrades armed to the teeth with love and compassion. A passion that burns inside to be your true you, put yourself out there in an honest way.
Nyx, when I think of you I see a starry eyed goddess who’s pouring her heart and soul into making others laugh, a path most others couldn’t walk. And still she pushes on, a warrior at heart who can’t seem to be apart from her newfound family, struggling to keep this boat from sinking on a stormy sea and my God, are you doing an incredible job,
Becki, when I think of you I think of someone who loves deeply, truly hard and isn’t afraid of falling because you know how to fly. A lovely individual with a heart of gold (almost as deep as her hair), who holds people so tenderly, oh so close to her soul despite how frightening it may seem because she’s seen too much love to be afraid of so little hate,
Sasha, when I think of you I see a strong huntress with hair of flames walking alongside the rising sun. She’s always prepared, slinking, creeping, silently stalking until she’s ready to strike, but not in a horrific way, certainly never gory. A loving, living, breathing soul who seems eager to put herself out there and doesn’t care for the negativity because the light of love surrounding her is bigger than any shadow and she uses her strength to make others strong.
Jack, when I think of you I see a sassy, saucy, splendid gentlemen who lives in the moment and enjoys the written word. A love for tales while unknowingly, unwittingly you are writing you own, and you good sir, are playing the protagonist with characteristics young adults aspire to while reading late at night when the shadows press in just a little too tight. And there are so many people listening and loving, and learning right along with you.
When I think of NyxRisingIndustries, I see a community I am proud to be a part of, a loving breathing, tender being of affection who’s embraced a lost child like me with open arms. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for them and I’m afraid of who I was before I came to be a part of this. I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve still got a long way to go. I still don’t get as much sleep as I should, still skip a meal or two but every day you’re helping me be who I want to be. I smile more, I finish most of my meals and it’s been almost a full year since I’ve taken a blade to my flesh.
I know this may seem a little weird, perhaps a bit obsessy or even kinda scary and I’m sorry!
I don’t mean to frighten, certainly not to offend, but I just wanted to say…thank you.
Thank you Nyx for being a goddess, whose light defends me from my own nightmares, shining so bright and chasing off the shadows.
Thank you Sasha for being such a fiery eyed huntress always there, even if unintentionally, keeping young rabbits like me safe from the big, bad things in this bigger, badder forest,
Thank you Becki for your heart of gold which has helped me go to sleep knowing I’m cared for, even if just a little, by someone a world away.
Thank you Jack, for your sass and soft attitude that have helped me through my tears and a mannerism that could even help me beat my loneliest days.
Thank you all, for being you.
@nyxrising
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