#safe & sound is one of my all time top Taylor songs but

[papaya-queen]

So high school – Ollie Bearman x Y/N

An Ollie Bearman x reader One shot inspired by the song So High School by Taylor Swift.

Wordcount: 1710

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Truth, dare, spin bottles

It was way past midnight, and all the teenagers were sat in a circle playing truth or dare. Some were drivers, others were friends from school. The bottle was spinning in the center, everyone wanted to see where it would land. After a few seconds, the bottle slowed down in front of Ollie. He swallowed hard, he knew Paul or Kimi would try to embarrass him. Paul smirked:

“So, Ollie, truth or dare?”  He had in mind something, he wanted to make things move.

Ollie took some time to choose. Truth was way too risky; Paul and Kimi knew too much to play safe with those questions. He concluded on dare. Paul eyed Kimi and smiled, that was not a good sign.

“Kiss the most attractive person in the room”

Ollie wanted to kill him. Silence filled the room: everyone was observing Ollie’s moves. His eyes were wandering around the room, until they found hers. Y/N, sitting opposite him. Their gaze met, a question in the boy’s eyes. She nodded, understanding the silent message he tried to communicate. He walked over to her, stood next to his best friend, placing his hand on her cheek, their lips only centimeters apart. She looked at him as he closed the gap between them. All their friends were screaming, laughing; Paul and Kimi high fived each other, proud of their plan. Ollie and Y/N were in their little bubble; they knew the kiss was going to haunt them for a long time but that didn’t stop them. A crimson red blush flashed across their cheeks as they parted from the kiss. Ollie went back to his seat and Y/N sat back on her chair.

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You know how to ball (race fast cars)

Y/n was on the edge of her seat, crossing fingers hoping that Ollie would finally overtake Isack. It was the last lap, Ollie still had pretty fresh tires and was only 0.4 seconds behind the race leader. He attacked in a turn, diving in the interior.  He passed Isack, he was leading the race. He pushed the car to it limits, assuring that the French wouldn’t overtake him before the end. He finally crossed the finish line as the winner, he was screaming on the radio and Y/N was screaming in the Prema garage. She ran to the barricade with all the engineers, tears streaming down her face. Her best friend had just parked his car behind the P1 sign, he was jumping out of the car, lifting his fist in the air celebrating like all his racing idols before him. He ran to her, pulling her over the barricade and hugging her. Y/N escaped for a few seconds, placing her hands on each side of Ollie’s helmet, resting her forehead against it.

“I’m so proud of you, Ollie”

He tried to respond but the helmet blocked the sound. He hugged her again before someone told Ollie to head to the podium. As he stood on the top step, he was glowing. Looking like a prince, he couldn’t be prouder when the British anthem started playing. Y/N was clapping for him, watching him do the champagne pop with stars in her eyes. When he got back to the Prema garage after all his media duties, Y/N tugged him in a big hug without the helmet, the crowd and the throttle.

“You were amazing Ollie!”

“It’s because you were here, my lucky charm”

They started to pack their things and headed to the hotel, a brand-new winning trophy with them.

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I know Aristotle (engineering)

Oh, she was stressed. What if she tripped on her foot? Or stutter during her speech? She was thinking of all the worst-case scenarios that could happen. The president of the university called her name, Y/N stoop up carefully, watching her step to the big scene. She was handed her diploma and a mic to do her speech.

“Hi! I’m Y/N. I’m now a mechanical engineer. Valedictorian even better. I want to thank my family and my best friend because they were the one who taught the little girl I once was about science, cars, motors. They supported me in my studies in this male dominated field. If there’s any little girls here today, I have one advice for you: dream big! Discover things! Try science, physics, chemistry, economics, anything! Never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something! If you want, you can!

Applause filled the room as she walked out of the stage. After the ceremony, Y/N went to see her family and Ollie who attended it.

“You were amazing, sweetie!” said her mom, hugging her the second she saw her.

“Yeah, your speech was brilliant” added Ollie, holding his best friend close just after.

“Thank you so much!” Her smile was growing more and more as she hugged all her family.

“Y/N, I have a surprise for you.” Ollie said. Y/N looked at him and everyone, they all seemed to have that knowing smile that made you feel out of an inside joke.

“Wait…what?” She grabbed the phone Ollie handed to her and started reading:

Welcome to the PREMA team Y/N Y/L/N…

“Ollie! You didn’t just get me a job!”

“Of course I did! I knew you always wanted to work there so I asked if they needed someone.”

“There is no way they actually said yes!”

“Turns out they needed someone in the F2 team for the end of the season, so you start next week!”

“I love you so much Ollie” She jumped in his arms, lacing hers around his neck. Ollie grabbed her waist to turn her in the air.

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You knew what you wanted and boy you got her.

He hated this. That thing between her and Zak. Ever since Y/N started to work in paddock in the middle of the season, Zak started talking more and more to her. It started rather friendly; Ollie and she went to eat to some stand in the paddock in Spa rather than in garage with the Prema team. Zak just asked Ollie to introduce him to his friend. But now he was openly flirting with Y/N and Ollie couldn’t be madder. Everyone knew Y/N was out of reach. She was Ollie’s. Ollie’s what? God knows, everyone thought they were dating, they said they were best friend, but Ollie was definitely in love with her. As he walked through the paddock on this Thursday afternoon, he was determined to get a talk with Zak. He found him only a few minutes after his arrival, in front of the Prema garage. If he was here, it was probably for Y/N and that realization messed up a little Ollie’s mind. He grabbed him by the arm and got him away from the entrance.

“Oy Ollie, how are you?” He asked, surprise could be felt in his voice.

“Don’t play that game with me now Zak! God what are you doing?!” Ollie was mad. Eyes killing Zak with a simple gaze.

“What are you talking about mate, I don’t understand…” Zak was panicking a little. He tried to look around for someone that would help him but all the sudden, the entire paddock was empty.

“I’m talking about Y/N! Why would you go around and start flirting with her, you bloody idiot! You know that she’s not for you. She’s not for anyone! She’s my girl, my best friend and my crush. You don’t get to flirt with her like that!”

“Mate, I really didn’t know, you never told me, and no one warned me” Zak, clearly panicking, kept looking behind Ollie but the boy was too heated to notice it.

“Of course you didn’t know! Maybe open your fucking eyes and see, I love her since the beginning, it’s painfully obvious and I know it! So now you’re going to stop that shit you’re doing and step back a little, is it clear Sullivan?” Ollie pinched the bridge of his nose, fed up with the guy.

“Ollie…”

Oh

Oh

That’s what Zak was looking at.

Y/N, standing right behind him, in front of the garage.

Y/n, who heard what he just said.

Y/N, who just learned her best friend was in love with her.

Ollis wanted to disappear right now. Out of all the possible scenarios he imagined for his confession, he never thought of that. So unromantic, rushed, not planned. Zak used the bit of time that the two lovebirds spend at looking at each other to escape. Ollie faced Y/N completely, looking at her like a child who just did a mistake.

“Y/N…I…” He was cut short; he didn’t even know what he wanted to say in the first place.

“You love me?” She seemed so calm saying this, as if there wasn’t a tornado of thought in her head.

“Yes…” He confessed, there was not point in denying it, she heard him say it.

“But since when?” She stepped forward, placing her hand on Ollie’s cheek, trying to meet his eyes.

“Since we were 14…” He lifted his gaze from his shoes to Y/N’s face. She was smiling.

Smiling.

“I’m so sorry, I just ruined 7 years of friendship. I’ll understand if you don’t want to be best friend after that…”

“Ollie…” She cut him again

Y/N got on her tippy toes and pressed her lips against Ollie’s.

Oh

Oh

Ollie melt into the kiss, arms lacing around the girl’s waist. It was tender, simple, romantic. Their lips were slightly touching. Sparks and butterfly were flying in Ollie’s stomach. His heart was racing but he was pretty sure he could hear Y/N heartbeat that was as fast as his. She pulled away first, her hands still on Ollie’s cheek:

“I’m in love with you since we were 14 too”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I mean, it was so obvious, I’m pretty sure everyone knew”

“So, we’re both oblivious idiots?”

“Yes, love, we’re both oblivious idiots”

He kissed her again, bending down to her level. Still all tender and cute, like the teenagers they were. He picked her up in his arm, like a princess, as he walked them back to the garage. What a start for the weekend.

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Hi guys! Hoped you liked the fic. I might do a part 2 if you’re interested. Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated.

Bye Bye Babes!

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swifts Song

THE WAY I LOVED YOU

synopsis: they said in our life, there will be that one love that is so intense and passionate. the type of love that has good and bad days on it, but still feel home for you. the type of love that makes you crazy. so many emotions but for only one person. that’s park sunghoon for you.

pairings: park sunghoon x reader

word count: 12k.

warnings: toxic relationship, angst, sunghoon being a redflag. (let me know if i missed some)

note: i got totally carried away with this one and honestly i’m totally satisfied on how i wrote this. i’m currently on my psh phase so i’m totally crazy for him lol anyway, i hope you enjoy this fic and please please please leave your thoughts on replies or send me some ask. it helps so much to keep me writing more. ily & stay safe!

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

“Where are you going?” you asked while pulling the sheet up to your chest, watching your boyfriend scurrying to gather his things as he put his clothes on.

He threw you a short glance, hair still disheveled from the heated session you two just shared and went back on to what he was doing.

“Band practice.” he shortly replied.

You gulped, spacing out after his response. Its not that this is the first time he did this. Having sex with you and leave once his bandmates calls him out for practice. You always think that it was his priority over his relationship with you.

His steps are quick when he approach and kissed the top of your head like as if it will do any better.

“I'll see you later, okay?” and then turned his back to go on his way without sending you another look.

After hearing the sound of the door closing and locks clicking, you laid back on your shared bed and stared right at the ceiling. Mind occupied by a lot of thoughts and slowly feeling the energy finally draining out of you.

You have been dating Park Sunghoon for exactly three years now. He's the hot drummer of the band called PARADOX. Handsome, talented and very passionate man. He sure love what he does the most, music.

People who knows the two of you may say that your relationship with him is pretty sturdy. Despite the scruffles and misunderstanding along the side, the memories and bond you built together was not easy to break.

They'll also probably mention how the two of you are an odd combination. You, being someone who finished college to have a righteous degree and works as a fine finance manager in a big company and Sunghoon, being the drummer of a said band.

Its not that being in a band and making music is a bad occupation, its just compared to yours, his is just more unstable. Yes, he is good. His band is really good and somehow makes it to places to share their music, but at some point it just doesn't fit.

Sometimes, they still wonder how the two of you works it out. How you can handle the mess and the outgoing side of Park Sunghoon, notwithstanding the fact of being someone who loves peace and have a priggish personality.

“Are you still playing in that band?” this are the common question your Father loves to throw during dinners whenever you take Sunghoon home with you.

You've always know how things ends up so you are expeditious on getting in between.

“Dad.” you looked at him with a pleading eyes, hoping he'll cooperate tonight and let you guys have a peaceful dinner just for once.

Sunghoon tensed beside you as his hold over his utensils tighten, as well as his jaw. It was already hard to swallow food now that he's inside your home having dinner with your parents and now your Dad is again belittling him.

“Yes, sir.” he answered.

The usual disappointing and downgrading look on his face makes Sunghoon feels awful. During this time is when he'll surely never get used to. It makes him realize that no matter how good he do, no matter how great his band became, he will never be someone so worthy in the eyes of your Father.

“And for how long will you plan to do this nonsense?” he was not holding back at all. His wife, your Mom, beside him gently reaches for his arm, trying to stop him from saying more.

Sunghoon clenched his jaw, “Making music is not nonsense. We are doing well right now, sir.”

The way he says those words just makes your Father even more pissed at him. He always hates how he was so confident and prideful. The way he stands whenever he greets him after arriving at your home is giving off as someone imperious.

He scoffed humorless, “And for how long? I've already told you that there's no future in that dream of yours.”

“Dad!” your voice raised because you couldn't handle what he's saying right now.

Sunghoon stands abruptly, making a dragging sound from the chair he was occupying. He balled his fist and just stormed outside of your house. You stood and stared at your Dad with a look of dispair in your eyes. He didn't back down and just gave you this knowing look.

“I asked you to stop doing that.”

“And I already told you to leave that boy countless times, y/n. Stop wasting your time with him!” he strictly said.

“Never.” and with that you turned your feet to start coming after your boyfriend.

You saw him a few blocks away walking towards where he parked his motorcycle. With quick steps, you try to catch up on him.

“Sunghoon!” you screamed, but he didn't even looked back on you.

With gritted teeth, you hurried your steps even more and right on time that he ride his motorcycle, you grabbed him by his arm.

“Why are you not stopping!” you yelled, tears brimming your eyes.

He glanced at you and that's when you saw his bloodshot eyes. Your boyfriend never cries. His playful demeanor never showed his weak side, even with you. Maybe your father was right. He is someone full of pride and sometimes arrogant, but you love him. And he loves you.

“I told you already that I don't want to come! But you forced me anyway!” he yelled, making you flinch a little.

It was really your fault because you are so persistent on making the things between your Dad and him to work despite knowing the outcome of this visit to your parent's house.

“He will never see me worthy of you. You are always so hard to reach for me...” his tone low that made your heart crack. You've never seen him like this before.

His eyes darken as he teared his gaze away, shoving your hold off from his arm. You started to panic and watch how he grabs the handle of his vehicle then started the engine.

“W-What are you doing? Are you leaving m-me?” you asked in a broken tone that made him falter a bit, but the pain from the scene of how your father belittled him was stronger.

Rain starts pouring, but you stood your ground. Didn't even bothered that you are starting to get soaked by the now pouring rain.

“P-Please, don't do this.” you begged and Sunghoon stared at you and maybe it was the rain? Or the cold breeze surrounding you two, but he seems so cold and distant. It breaks you slowly.

“I l-love you so much.” you gulped getting rid of the lump on your throat. “P-Please.”

But he starts droving off. Your heart sank and quickly tries to run after him. Its stupid because there's no way to catch up just by running, but your mind was too clouded to even think straight.

The rain poured even harder and your knees felt weak from running too much. You stopped and cries even harder, heart feeling so broken. You don't feel bothered by the cold at all and all you can think of is how your chest is hurting so bad. You felt slightly suffocated from crying so hard, giving you a hard time to breath.

A roaring sound of an engine makes you lift your head and a string of hope ignites when you saw lights emitting from a vehicle that is driving near you.

Your lips shakes when you saw the familiar motorcycle stopping beside you, Sunghoon's all drenched like you when he turned his head at your side.

“Your father,” he starts and you shake your head sideways trying to stop him, but he continued. “he may hate me to his bones. He may resent me and never want me for you.” one of his hand lets go from the handle and reach over your hand.

“But I love you.” he said firmly that made you tear up even more. “I love you so fucking much that it hurts.” he pursed his lips hardly, jaw clenching hard as he tries to hide his emotions.

You cried and lets go from his hand to cup his face. Both feeling so cold from the nonstop rain but the warmth you two are giving each were enough for you. You leaned in connecting your lips before pulling away to stare at his eyes.

“I don't care about what he thinks. I only want you and no one else.”

He smirks then starts handing you a helmet.

“Then hop on, pretty. We're going to get sick if we stay here longer.”

And without a hint of hesitation, you wore the helmet and hopped on his motorbike. Sunghoon pulls your arm so you can hug him from behind.

“Hold on tight and don't let go.”

“Never.”

“Sunghoon, I told you already I'm still at the office. I can't be out until before 9pm.” your elbow rests over your desk as you try and massage your temple to ease your aching head.

“But our gig will start at eight pm, y/n. You said you'll watch.” he sounded so upset.

Normally, you will hurry yourself to go attend his gig but today was a rough day for you as well. Too many office works are lined up for you, workload piled up that you don't even know where to start. You know how much it means for Sunghoon having you to be there for him. But today's just so draining. And sometimes you kind of feel like you were always there for him but when will he be there for you?

“Sunghoon,” you draw in a heavy breath, calming yourself down to prevent saying anything that can spoil his mood. That’s the last thing you want to do if he have a gig.

“It’s just unexpctedly a very busy day. I need to finish all these works on time—” he cuts you even before you can finish your sentence.

“Just say it if you want to spend time with that co-worker and stop making lame excuses, y/n.” the sarcasm that lurks over his tone caught you dumbfounded.

Your mouth hanged open, unable to even utter your response to this nonsense he’s trying to imply. He’s very unbelievable. You are very tired already, the workload’s too heavy and here he is doubting you. He still have the audacity of accusing you over things when all you want is for this day to be over so you can see him and rest.

Sunghoon’s naturally a jealous boyfriend. He’s very possessive of you to the point that sometimes it can be out of hand. His bad temper and jealous demeanor is not a good combo because he always ends up fucking up things and telling you things he didn’t mean at all.

“Baby, no. Of course not! I really want to watch your gig, you know that right? It’s just—”

“You will really choose that over me, aren’t you? Like as if people doesn’t think I was unworthy of you already. You just really need to prove more...” his monotonous tone are like knives straight to your heart.

“Don’t even go there. You know its not that.” your lips tremble along with your hands as the conversations starts to get more intense.

“Yeah, right. Have fun with your co-worker.” he mumbled with a bitter tone and ended the call right away.

You shut your eyes as you drop your phone to your desk wrecklessly before running your hand through your hair, messing it a bit. The silence occupying the almost empty building floor didn’t help from the aching of your head. He’s really just unbelievable.

And it’s even more unbelievable that you are still so in love with him despite the red flags he’s obviously showing you. It was too late for you to even realize that you are already packing your things to go and see your boyfriend’s gig. The mountain-like paperworks that were on your table caught your eyes and made you halt for a bit, but in the end you chose to turn the lights off and head out of your office. Off to see your sulking boyfriend.

When you arrived, it was their last song for the night. The traffic on the way made the suppose to be 20 minute travel an hour long drive. A relieved sigh made it to your lips while you walk towards their manager, your feet starts to stings from your high-heel.

“Y/n! I thought you couldn’t make it tonight? Sunghoon said.” he smiled warmly before giving you a friendly hug.

You tried your best to return his smile as your eyes roamed and trailed over to the stage. The spotlight that pointed over your boyfriend gave you the chance to have the perfect view of him playing passionately. A small string tugs inside your heart while watching him, eyes closed and letting himself be drawn by music.

When people ask you why you fell so hard for him, they probably won’t understand you unless they’ll be in your shoes themselves. These are the moment he shines the most. The moment you can clearly see the real him. His love for his passion and his smiles melts you from the inside and out. It was unexplainable. You love Sunghoon. You love him so dearly to the point your heart aches.

When he opens his eyes like as if he felt an intense eyes are watching him, he met yours. Those pretty eyes that looks at him with so much affection. The eyes that pretty much made him feel things no one else can. The eyes that can comfort him. His safe place, his solace and his other half. For Sunghoon, if music is his passion then you are the life that pushes him to chase it. His inspiration.

His eyes fixated over you and lips pursed into a pout, still sulking. That made you chuckle and mouthed, ‘I love you.’

Sunghoon’s lips lifts up before responding, ‘I love you too.’ that made your stomach churns and heart thumping like crazy. Somehow it made you feel at ease. Despite all the worries and trials, as long as you have him, you will manage.

Only you and him will understand the type of love you share with each other.

“Thank you so much for tonight everyone! And we are...” Heeseung, their lead vocalists stalls his words and glanced at his band-mates and in unison they leaned over the mics near them and said, “PARADOX.”

The crowd cheers and you can see how they truly enjoyed the whole show. A small, but proud smile made its way towards your lips. The boys did a short fan service while you stay at the side with their manager. Girls swarms around them, but you didn’t mind it. This isn’t new for you anymore and if you want a partner in this line of job, you should prepare yourself for crazy fangirls.

“I’m really glad you made it, y/n” your head snaps over to the side when their manager spoke. He gave you this sincere look on his face and some other kind of gaze you couldn’t identify.

He sports this plain white shirt and some jeans. Hair styled in a pretty basic style any boy could pull and then he stood there a little stiff. You gave him a smile and a clap over his shoulder.

“Of course, I want my boyfriend to know I’m always here for him.” you stated that made his smile falter for a bit. He was quick to pull it back up, nodding his head slowly like as if he was reminded of something.

“Right... Sunghoon.” he mumbled.

Your gaze remained at him, a little confused of his reaction. It bothered you a bit so you’re about to ask him what’s wrong when a pair of strong arms wrapped around your waist.

“Hi hotstuff.” Sunghoon’s voice sounded so seductive as he quickly leans for a heated kiss.

You squeals lightly and tries to pull off from him, but ends up giving in and showing everyone how you two devours each other’s faces. One of Sunghoon’s hand moved down to slightly grope your butt that made you moan a little over his lips. He smirks, mission accomplished for him.

He was greeted by your blushing cheeks once he pulled away, one hand still possessively resting over your waist to keep you close to him.

“H-Hello,” the impact of your latest stunt dawning you, making you feel so shy.

He smirks, fangs showing and good Lord, does he look even hotter.

“You came.” his tone indicates the joy to see you here and that just makes you feel so much better. He may not vocally thank you or tell you he appreciates it so much, but the way his eyes twinkle and shines was enough for you to know how he feels.

“Of course. My boyfriend is being sulky so I have no other choice.” the corner of your lips lifts up, taunting him.

He stares at your eyes before grinning even wider, “I’m not sulky.” he leans in again, couldn’t resist your lips after glancing at it for a second. After he placed a loving kiss, he leans away and went back on facing his friends.

You watch how he threw a short glance at their manager as well and it remained for a while before he direct his attention to some acquaintances that are greeting his band.

The night was long, as usual. This is pretty much what happens whenever he have gigs. You feel so tired, feet feels so painful that you are sure you grew blisters over it. Your eyelids felt so heavy as well, the long day finally kicking in. The boys are still loud and celebrating, but finally one called it a night.

All of you starts heading outside the bar they performed in. Sunghoon’s walking a few steps ahead of you, talking and goofing with his friends. You are silent, too tired to even listen or join on their conversation.

You were almost hit by the door when Sunghoon didn’t even remember to hold it for you. He was too busy talking to his band-mates and didn’t even noticed that the door almost slapped you on the face. Thankfully, an arm held it for you.

“Thank you, Riki.” you gave him a small smile.

You’ve been together with Sunghoon for a while now so that only means you’ve hanged out with his band countless times causing you to grew closer towards them. But for some reasons, Riki is the only one who is somehow felt awkward to be with. You cannot explain why, but there’s just something about him that leaves you nothing to say.

He didn’t smile or anything, just stared down to you using his intimidating eyes.

“No problem.” shivers ran to your spines because of his low voice. His eyes then moved from looking at your eyes towards your things you’re trying to juggle with your arms.

“Let me help you.” it was not a question and even before you can say something to politely reject his offer, his hands reaches over to help you carry your things.

“U-Uhm, thanks.” and your eyes drifted over him as he didn't spoke any words after that.

Riki walks you up to where your boyfriend’s car was parked. Sunghoon’s eyes finally caught you and you don’t even know what to tell him while you approach closer.

His strict eyes caught to your things being carried by Riki. When you are steps away from him, he approaches trying to keep a cool smile.

“Baby, you disappeared from behind me.” and he said that while eyes fixed at his bandmate.

“Well if you keep a close eye to your girlfriend, you might’ve noticed how she’s struggling carrying her stuff, hyung.” Riki didn’t even hesitate to say those words at him.

Sunghoon wasn’t happy about it and you can clearly see anger slowly rising through his face. He clicked his tongue at the side of his cheeks and was about to advance towards Riki, but you stopped him.

“Can we just go? It’s already late and I have work tomorrow.” you stared straight at his eyes.

They were arrogantly looking at you, but eventually softening in surrender. He sighs and grabbed your hand to intertwin your fingers before he nods silently. His head snapped over to his friend and he gave him this knowing look before opening the car’s door for you.

He retrieved your things from Riki and placed it neatly behind your car. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything anymore and just went inside his car afterwards. Riki went on his way as well, riding his motorbike that was parked not too far away.

Sunghoon starts his engine and both of you are silent. It was like that for the first few minutes of the drive, until he decides to break it.

“When did you even got close to Riki?” his tone sounds confused and at the same time implicating something.

You furrowed your brows and glanced at him, “He just helped me to carry my things—”

“Exactly! He doesn’t do that at all, y/n.” the way he said your name was with emphasis. Like telling you that its a serious matter for him. A big deal. But again, when did it never became a big deal when other boys gets involve with you?

“And? I’m his bandmate’s girlfriend. Isn’t it okay for him to help me?!” now, you can’t help but to feel upset about this because you are tired already and he’s making an argument just because Riki helped you.

“You’re just really clueless with your surroundings. You will never understand.” the way his grip tightens at the steering wheel and his jaw clenches caught your attention.

You wanted to just yell at him and point out how he’s being unreasonable and plain childish about this, but you are too drained. Its late already, you’re tired from the office, your feet hurts with this dumb heels and you feel sticky from all the travel you did just to get to their gig. Having an argument with him was the last thing you expected to have.

“Its not my fault that my boyfriend forgot about me and walks off.” you sighed and he was silent after hearing that from you.

“Can’t you just be thankful that he helped me and I didn’t broke an arm from carrying all those stuff?” this time, you tried to soften your tone as a sign of time-out from this nonsense argument he was trying to put up with.

You saw his grip softens and he released a heavy sigh. “Fine.” he glanced at you and his brows are not hardly furrowed anymore. His eyes softens as well. “I’m sorry, baby. Its not my intention to make you feel like I forgot you, I was just really excited.”

With pursed lips, you nodded your head and leaned in for a quick peck over his lips.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t spoil the mood. You were really great from a while ago.” you complimented him, finishing it with your warm smile.

Something warm caress his heart. This is one of the reasons why he can never let you go. Most people would’ve walked out on him or hate at him, but not you. Never.

You will always find a way to find the goodness in him. Even if 99 problematic things about him are presented in front of you, you’ll still find that 1 good thing about him.

You always know the perfect words to calm him down or make him feel better.

He reached over your hand that was resting over your thighs and took it over his lips for a soft kiss. His gaze never left your eyes.

“Thank you for today, really.” he sighs, trying to supply himself more oxygen as he feels like you’re taking his breaths away once again.

“I love you.”

A smile spreads across your face and your free hand stretched out towards him to cup his face. “I love you, Hoon.”

These are the moments you wanted to keep no matter what. Reasons why despite the hardships you go through with Sunghoon, you always manages to find a reason to stay.

But of course, there’s not always good times in your relationship. What else gives it spice other than petty arguments and very random fights with each other?

Months after, the band had another big gig and of course you went to support him like usual. To your surprise, they had a guest singer. Female singer to be exact. And the way she interacts with your boyfriend just can’t leave your mind. It’s bothering you.

“You two seems close.” the comment was short and your eyes watch how your boyfriend load his things inside his car while you rest your back beside it.

Sunghoon threw you a short glance and narrowed his brows.

“What do you mean?”

“You and that girl.” the way you pronounced the word ‘girl’ with so much emphasis gave off hints towards him that you’re implying something.

His shoulder fell as he stared at you for a while, like unconsciously asking if you’re being serious with the choice of tone you decided to use at him. He sighs, when he realized you aren’t budging, but instead crossed your arms at him.

He’s already too tired to even explain things that you won’t listen to. So he struts closer you, held you over your hips and planted a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Let’s just go home, hot stuff. I’m tired.” and he walks over to the driver’s seat not even bothering to open the door for you.

But it seems like you are in the mood to be petty. So even after you made it to the passenger seat and he started driving on your way home, you bring up that topic once again.

“I saw the way she looks at you. I bet she’s undressing you in her mind.”

It made him sigh and roll his eyes. “Seriously? Are you going to talk about that until we makes it to the apartment?”

“Why? You irritated already?” you tilt your head and he glanced at you with piercing gaze. It didn’t bother you at all. If he’s pissed, then you are too.

“You didn’t even introduce me to her.”

His fingers taps his steering wheel more frequently and bit his lips. He sighs, calming himself.

“I did. I even told her your name.”

“But you didn’t told her that I’m your girlfriend!” it was so petty. Even you, you also think that this is such a nonsense thing to argue off. It’s just seeing her look at your boyfriend that way while you’re there doesn’t sit right for you.

Sunghoon scoffed loudly and even if he have a smirk on his face, there was no humor on it. He’s slowly losing his patience.

The wiper of his car moves when it suddenly started raining. It’s the last thing you care about. Your focus is on the hot drummer that’s currently driving you home in your shared apartment. The hot drummer that’s clenching his jaw hardly while trying his best not to argue with you. The hot drummer whose lips so red after you kissed him multiple times to make that bitch know her place. The hot drummer that is clenching his jaw hardly because you keep pushing his buttons at the moment.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” he couldn’t help, but curse.

“Be honest with me. Are you two close? Because with the way she linked her arms, it seems like so.”

He rolled his eyes as he teared his gaze off of you and back to the road. The rain are still pouring hard that its a little difficult to drive.

“You really aren’t going to stop unless I answer your questions, are you?” he surrenders. You didn’t answer and just crossed your arms while looking at him. Waiting for what he’s about to say.

He gave you another short glance as he shook his head. Like he couldn’t believe what situation you just put him into.

Honestly, you don’t know what exactly it is that you wanted to hear from him. If he answers that he doesn’t know her that long, you will still feel pissed because why the hell does she acts like they’ve been best friends ever since they were born? And if he answers, yes they know each other for a long time, you will feel really bad because you will feel jealous.

“We’ve known each other since highschool. Even before the band started playing in other places.” he says.

Your shoulder fell and he saw it from his peripheral view. He knew you won’t feel so good about it, but he also know that lying about it will only make the situation worse. The car fell silent right after he said it.

“Is she your ex-girlfriend?” that question doesn’t sound like you are asking him. Its more like you already know and just expecting an answer from him.

“No, okay? So calm your dumbass.” he’s starting to lose his patience for you.

You’ll be honest, you kind of thought he would say yes. That actually made you feel better. But not enough to let her slip away from your mind. Those eyes. The way she looks at you just boils something inside you.

“Did you two kissed before?” you fired him that question with more suspicion.

When you saw the look on his face, you felt something in your heart cracks. It definitely stab something in you when his expression confirmed that.

With slightly teary eyed, you raised your chin up to ask him your last question.

“Did you have sex with her?” bitterness latched through your voice and you bit your lower lip when he stayed silent again. Confirmed.

“Pull over.” you command and harshly wiped the tears that escaped.

He sighs, “Baby, come on...” he pursed his lips and even tried to reach over you.

“I said pull over!”

He clenched his jaw tighter then obliged, knowing well you will just fall into a much worse mood if he don’t do as you say. He’s expecting you to hit him by his arm or shout at him again, but he surely didn’t expect you storming out from his car. He didn’t see that one coming.

Between you two, he’s the jealous one. There are rare times that you get jealous and when it happens, its so hard to calm you down. Sunghoon’s heart is thumping hard, slightly thrilled to watch you acting like this. The oh so perfect, y/n. Shouting and acting crazy out of jealousy. He bet he’s the only one who made you feel like this.

“Y/n!” he shouts and went after you.

The rain starts to pour harder, but it didn’t bothered you at all. You marched away from his car, towards the nearest bus stop. With just a few steps, he managed to catch up on you and grabbed your arm then yanked you towards him.

“Let me go!” you screamed at him.

Sunghoon’s clenching his jaw as he stares at your face carefully. It was hard to tell if you’re crying or not due to the rain that’s slowly soaking you both. Despite your attempts to free yourself, Sunghoon just tightens his grip and kept his stares over you.

“Stop being a brat and let’s go back inside the car! We’re both drenched because of you!”

You clenched your jaw and hands into fists. People who passes by will probably think that you’re both losing your minds. Going out in the middle of the rain and fighting at 2 am. Thankfully, there are fewer cars driving through.

“I cannot believe you fuck that bitch!” it was rare enough to see you shouting, but much more rare to hear you cursing like this.

“It was a long time ago!” he renew his hold and this time reached for the other arm. The wetness of your skin kind of makes it slippery, but he knew he won’t let go of you.

“That happened before you, y/n! And it means nothing for me.”

“Clearly isn’t the same for her?!” you stopped resisting and just stay still, glaring at him.

“The way she links her arms and flirts with you drives me insane! Like I want to pull you away and kiss you in front of her type of insane!”

Sunghoon’s dumbfounded. He knows he should not feel so happy about what he heard, but he is. Just by thinking of you going crazy to the point you’ll insist public affection is making his heart race. To think you are crazy for him as he is to you, is driving him even more crazier. He just couldn’t get enough of you.

“Then why didn’t you?” this time he seems more calmer that made your narrowed brows falter. He was just screaming at you too, now he’s a lot calmer.

“I’m yours, y/n. I belong to you so claiming me in front of anybody is no problem at all.” he says and took another step closer. Your bodies pressed together and when he noticed that you aren’t trying to escape his hold anymore, he raised his hand to cup your face.

“I don’t fucking care if she tries to flirt with me. I don’t care about her. All I care about is you.” his eyes slowly roams his eyes to your pretty face.

“Yes, we did kissed and fucked before,” he sighs and your lips pursed into a pout but let him finish what he wants to say.

“But she never made me feel like this.” he held one of your hand then rest it above his chest, enough for you to feel his racing heartbeat.

“She doesn’t make me nervous whenever she stares at my eyes. She doesn’t give me butterflies whenever she smiles at me or melt my heart whenever she hold me.” your eyes water from his sincere words as he licked his lower lip, gaze not leaving you.

Both of you are soaked, but it didn’t bother you at all. Sunghoon’s bangs covers his forehead, some beads of rains falling from it over to your face as he stare down at you.

“That’s all you, love. Only you can make me feel madly in love. Like I will go crazy because I love you too much.” a tear fell from his eyes along with the raindrops from his hair. He looked ethereal staring at you lovingly, with so much emotions that makes your heart burst because of exceptional happiness.

“That’s the way I love you.” he murmured near your lips before you leaned to press a hot kiss for him.

“I love you so much, Hoon.” and this time, it was his turn to lean and kiss you passionately.

Disregarding the fact that you are under the hard pouring rain, sharing probably one of the most memorable kisses of your relationship, you’re mind is clouded by how intense your feelings are for the man that holding you right now. It’s funny how moments ago you’re just screaming at each other and now, your lips feels so hot connected together.

But it seems like, love is not enough to keep the relationship steady. And just like what older people used to say, everything is bad when its too much.

Being with Sunghoon felt like a dream with nightmares, clear blue oceans with big dangerous waves and a freaking roller coaster ride. Sometimes you’re so happy that you feel like your heart will burst with so much emotions and sometimes you feel like everything’s too much. That its tiring and draining you.

It somehow toxicating. And this toxic relationship with Sunghoon is honestly tiring you.

“And now you are giving me the silent treatment? Wow!” his sarcasm rubs on you, making your heart feel more heavy.

“I have nothing to say to you after what you just did, Sunghoon.”

“What? You’re mad because I embarrassed him? He’s clearly hitting on you!” your head snaps at him with glaring eyes.

“He’s just being nice and he’s my head supervisor!” your tone raised and he didn’t liked it in one bit.

Sunghoon’s always the jealous boyfriend. You actually couldn’t understand why he’s being like this when you already made it so clear that he’s the only one for you. That there’s no man that can ever steal you away from him.

“Oh, okay. I see...” he clenched his jaw before laughing with no humor. He faced the road and tried hard to focus on driving.

“If you want to impress your supervisor so much, why bring me with you?!” his statement made you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Because you’re my boyfriend and I want you to be there for me! Will it hurt so much to be supportive or know something about what your girlfriend loves to do?! It’s not always going to be about you, Sunghoon! I need you to be there for me too!”

Your words may had come out wrongly, but all you wanted is for him to be for you. It was a thrilling day since employees should make good impressions to the supervisors to show how fit and reliable they are for the company, but your bofriend just made a scene and now you have no idea how you will show up to work on Monday.

“I told you already that these type of events are not for me! People are clearly looking down on me for having such a wonderful girl like you! They will always rub it on my face how perfect you are and that you deserve so much better!” his tone raised and it made you jolt a bit.

“And it seems like you just don’t get it! You kept on forcing me to go and I hated it! You are just determined to prove me that they’re so right!”

Your heart cracks and his words are like knives straight to your heart. You know him. Whenever he’s mad, he ought to say words he doesn’t mean. That’s his way of avoiding to show what he truly feels. You can tell by his blood-shot eyes and clenching jaw. But you are tired. You are tired of understanding him.

“Is that how you really see me? Do you really think that that’s what I’m doing?”

He clenches his jaw, being stubborn. “Maybe you are really ambitious and I’m just the stupid boyfriend who knows nothing but to enjoy music.” he says emotionless.

A tear left your eye. You can’t take this anymore. You had enough.

“Stop the car.” it was almost audible, but thanks to the deafening silence after what he said made it clear and loud. He furrowed his brows and looked at you, checking if you’re being serious.

You two have been arguing about you and this job for a week. And the event is today and Sunghoon just ruined it for you. Honestly you’re getting enough of it. With all the stress from your work and family, he suppose to be your resting place. But that’s not the case anymore.

He did stop the car and even before you open it, he said something. “The moment you leave, we’re done.” he said coldly.

You halted from stepping outside and felt your heart crack, but you knew you needed it and so you did. You left him.

“Jake’s so sweet, y/n! I truly envy you for having him as your boyfriend!” one of your friends exclaimed right after Jake left your table to go order some food.

You gave them a small smile. They’re right. Jake is really the best boyfriend. He treats you very well. He’s everything you’ve asked for before. A caring and loving boyfriend. He’s working in the corporate world, which matches yours. He’s very gentle towards you, always got the doors for you, he never makes you wait, he cares for what you want and a man of his words. He felt like so warm to be with, someone you can be comfortable with easily.

“Yeah,” you replied short with a small smile on your lips. They giggle, truly happy for you.

“Thank God you snapped out of it and finally got the man you deserve.” one of them says that made your smile falter.

She didn’t mention anything or any name, but you knew who she’s referring to and what she means by that sentence.

An awkward laugh from another friend broke the silence and just diverted the topic. You tried to pull up your smile once again, especially after seeing from a distance that Jake’s already on his way back to your table.

He sets himself at the chair beside you and smoothly made a conversation with your friends. He’s very friendly too. He gets along with people with no sweat. Such a pure man.

You’re about to put a straw to your drink, but he beats you out of it. He reached for it and carefully slid it towards you while still talking to your friends. It made you smile. Being treated like this sure feels right, feels okay. But why does your heart feel a little heavy?

Jake threw his arm and placed it behind your chair, hand caressing your arm gently. You pushed whatever that feeling is behind your mind and tries to join their conversation as well.

The day went smoothly and now Jake dropped you at your place. As you unclasped your seatbelt, he went out of the car then walked around so he can open your door for you. He even offered a hand with that warm smile of his.

A chuckle slips off from you before you accepted it and went out. His other hand rests over your hip as he slightly pins you to his car to place a kiss over your lips. He smiles after a couple of pecks then leans away to stare at your eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” he says sincerely that made you smile widely. Jake and his words.

“You’ve been saying that all day, Jake.”

He chuckles, biting his lips feeling a little shy. “Just so you wouldn’t forget.”

“Thank you.” you said while looking straight to his eyes.

He might take it as a thank you for today, but there’s more to it. Jake’s the next serious relationship after Sunghoon and it can’t be helped to compare the two of them. Even if you know its not good to do that, you just can’t stop yourself from doing so. They’re very different from each other.

“No problem.” he leans again to give you another peck.

“See you tomorrow, baby.” Jake said with a soft smile. You nodded and waved before going inside your apartment and called it a day.

It’s been almost a year ever since that night and yet its still fresh from your memory like it was just yesterday. You resigned from your previous job. You wanted so bad to convince everybody that it was because you’re embarrassed by what happened prior to it, but no. It was mainly because you kind of blamed it for losing your relationship. Kind of dumb, but maybe you are really insane when it comes to him.

Sunghoon never contacted you after that. You didn’t hear from him ever since and honestly it pissed and got you butt hurt. Well, you did change your number and blocked him from all your social media but you kind of hoped he will try to reach out for you.

Seems like it was meant to end that way.

Some people from your life kept telling you that you did the right thing, that it was the best decision you’ve ever made. You got a new job, got a new boyfriend that your parents approved. They adore Jake so much. He’s so close to your Mother and to your Dad as they’re both into business.

You should be happy about it. You are happy. But a part of you aches for someone. A bitter feeling lingers inside you because they never tried to open their heart for Sunghoon before. It makes you think that if they did, maybe things went a little more okay.

You threw your head back and stared at the ceiling. A slight guilt crept inside your heart. You got the perfect boyfriend you’ve been praying for and he’s treating you right. He barely even fight with you as he was always understanding.

But as stupid as it sounds, you missed screaming and fighting with Sunghoon. Those instense moments that just brings out much more emotions within you that makes you act insane.

These thoughts are making you crazy so you decided to take a quick shower and just call it a day. You went to bed with eyes brimmed with tears, aching and missing him so bad. It frustrates you because you feel helpless, unable to do anything about it. You’re scared to think that you are still thinking of him right now while he’s happy with someone else.

The next thing you know, it was morning already. Your eyes hurts a bit for crying to sleep last night so you’re slightly out of it when you went to your office.

“Do you want some coffee? Looks like you need one.” one of your officemates offered that you returned with a small pout.

“Please.” and she nods before going to the pantry for a while to get you your coffee.

“Here you go.” and she gently placed it on your working table. You mumbled a small ‘thanks’ as she settles at her chair beside yours.

“Oh!” your head craned to glance at her. “We will be meeting the new potential investors to our company later. I heard one of them is really good looking.” she giggles that made you smirk.

“You know its not always just by the looks, right?”

She rolled her eyes, “Easy for you to say because you have a gorgeous boyfriend!”

You laughed, “That is right.”

You joked around for a while before you’re asked to prepare for the arrival of the vip guests. Soon after, your head supervisor walks in and behind her are men wearing suits and tie. Looking like some young bachelors. Tall and handsome men.

As your eyes shifted to the last one who walks inside, your heart dropped. His familiar fair skin, charcoal black hair, noise pointy with a pretty mole at the side of it, eyes blank surrounded with thick and pretty eyelashes, topping it with his thick eyebrows that makes his skin color glow even more. His lips naturally red and luscious. Your knees weakened at the sight and heart started to race.

“Oh my god, Y/n!” she whispered beside you and even wiggled a little like as if she was got electicuted.

“He's so handsome!”

Oh hell yes he is. And your eyes watered at the sight of him. The familiar feeling of longing occupies your whole system. Park Sunghoon stood there looking so breathtaking. You missed everything in him and you hate how he looked so okay.

He unconsciously roamed his eyes around and accidentally met yours. It grew slightly, clearly not expecting seeing you. His lips parted a bit and didn’t glanced away.

“Y/n?” she snapped you out of your thoughts and you quickly teared your gaze away, feeling ashamed for staring too long. He probably saw you looking like a loser for being affected too much.

Sooner, they guided you inside to start the meeting and you kept on shifting from your seat. Having meeting like this is normal for you already, but now that you have your ex boyfriend sat at the other end of the table makes you really conscious.

“You okay?” your office mate might’ve noticed your weird demeanor so she looked concern.

You flashed her a shy smile and nodded then tried to focus on the person talking. But a minute after, your mind is drifting somewhere else once again. Even before you know it, your eyes shifts to where he was sat and to your surprise, he’s looking at you already.

You glanced away and cleared your throat. Embarrased that he caught you stealing glances at him.

When you couldn’t take it anymore, you turned over your supervisor and tried excusing yourself. Making up a lie that you’re not feeling well. She seemed to buy it and asked you to take a rest. Without wasting anytime, you stood up and politely excused yourself from the meeting.

A few steps out from the conference room and you heard it opened again. You ignored it and tried calming yourself, but the memory of Sunghoon’s eyes flashed before your eyes. Your eyes got teary. Seeing him just awoke your sleeping feelings for him that you tried to bury deep inside your heart.

“Y/n.” and a hand halted you from making another step.

You glanced at the person who stopped you and your heart thumped even faster. His brows narrowed and eyes looked concern.

“Are you okay? Why did you leave the meeting?” his tone sounded so soft and it makes you want to cry on the spot.

Now that you’re face to face and this close to each other, you can see how much he grown. He slightly changed. Good change, mostly. He looked even more mature and manly. His familiar manly scent invaded your nose that draws in so many memories of you two.

“Y-Yes,” and you flashed him a fake smile. “How are you, Sunghoon? It’s b-been a while.”

His shoulder relaxed after hearing that you’re okay. His eyes dropped to his hand holding your arm and slowly, he lets go of it.

“I’m good.” he responded briefly before roaming his eyes on your face. His heart aches.

“It looks like you’ve been doing well.” there's a hint of sadness looming over his tone, but you tried to ignore it thinking that you’re just mishearing it.

“Yeah.”

“Good to know.” it sounded a little sarcastic.

“Why are you here? Did you stop playing with your band?” the question you wanted to ask so bad. It was odd enough to see him here and much weirder because you know how much he hates wearing suit and ties. Tho you must admit that he looks so good on it.

He smirks, bitterness over his eyes.

“I still do, but not as often as before.”

“Ohh,�� you sounded sad because you are. You know how much he loves doing that.

You’re about to say something else when your phone rang. You fished it from your pocket and when you saw your boyfriend’s caller id, you felt like someone slapped you back to reality. You want to hurt yourself for starting to act crazy once again just after seeing your ex boyfriend.

When you glance back at him, you saw his eyes darted at your phone with a cold expression on his face. You gulped, feeling nervous before you answered it.

“Baby!” the cheerfulness over Jake’s voice spreads guilt on your chest pretty fast. A tsunami on the shore, coming unexpected.

“H-hey, babe.” you murmured and steal a glance over at Sunghoon.

His expression fell cold as he straighten his back, not leaning anymore so he can slightly match your height. His hands slid inside his pocket as he stared at you intensely. His eyes are piercing right at you, like a cop catching you red-handed. To why he is still standing there and not leaving is slightly a mystery for you.

“Hi sweetheart. I called just to remind you about later tonight.” he says, accent coming a little strong.

Now you’re attention had been snatched away from the beautiful man standing right in front of you. With a confused face, you wondered what he is talking about. Trying to remember if you missed any plans he had made for the two of you tonight.

“T-Tonight? What’s up tonight?” and you slightly turned away from Sunghoon for some privacy. But you can still feel his heated gaze, burning holes at the back of your head.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?” he asks, slightly taunting. You didn’t respond and just wait for him to reveal about it.

“We’re having dinner at your parents tonight, baby.”

You draws in a sigh and hand raised to massage your temple.

“Oh, that was today.”

He chuckles, “Yes. Don’t worry, I got your Mom’s favorite flower and your Dad’s wine.”

You bit your lower lip for another perfect boyfriend scenario he just pulled.

“Thank you, babe. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Hmm, i love you.”

You stood cold on your feet. The words are at your tongue, you just have to say it but for some reasons, something’s stopping you.

“Babe?” Jake’s voice snapped you back to reality and you cleared your throat then chuckles.

“S-Sorry, spaced out a little. I l-love you too, Jake. See you later.”

He chuckles, “Okay, cutie. Have a nice day.” and then he ended the call.

The silence and heavy atmosphere enveloping you and Sunghoon are undescribable. You’ve never had something like this with him. Even during your biggest fights, its never been like this.

Slowly, you glanced at him and his eyes looked cold. For a brief moment, it seemed like you saw sadness on it but when he saw you looking he switched it right in. His jaw clenches as he stares right at you, like waiting for you to say something to him.

“U-Uhm, nice seeing you again. See y-you around, Sunghoon.” and you turn your heels, ready to leave him when he said something.

“So it was that easy for you to find someone else, huh? Glad to finally know it.” his words are filled with nothing but slight anger and bitterness.

“Excuse me?” you whipped your head to look at him with furrowed brows.

“You left me and find someone new. It was easy for you.”

“You. Made. Me. Leave. You.” each words was emphasize so you can make your point.

“And what do you know about what I feel? It was not easy for me!” your tone raised because of how he just made you upset with what he said.

“Doesn’t seem like it for me.”

You thought he changed, but clearly he didn’t. You are dumb enough to be shaken by him.

“I’m not having this conversation with you right now.” and you turned around, having the firm decision of leaving and getting him out of your sight.

Two steps and he managed to grab your wrist once again. He sighs, heavy sighs.

“O-Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” he licked his lips and gently made you face his way.

When he saw through your eyes how he hurt you again with his words, he almost want to hit himself. He already knew what went wrong before. How he fucking messed everything up. How selfish he is. And he doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes once again.

He was always someone whose hard to read. Yes, you are one of the very few people who can understand him right away, who can read through him from time to time and definitely one of the top people who can deal with his shits. Sunghoon’s not really good at showing how he cares to people. He have his own ways of showing them, and he thought that was enough. But he was wrong.

Sunghoon loves you. He loves you so much that he changed a lot ever since you left. He changes his way of thinking and even exerted effort to become someone better for you. It's such a shame that it took him to lose you to realize things.

The thing is no matter how confident he is to a lot of things back then, a part of him was secretly insecure. Insecurities that built up through the journey of having you as his partner. You’re a wonderful person and he always think that he was very lucky to have you. And so the insecurity and fear of losing you gets the best of him.

Being someone whose not expressive and overthinks a lot isn’t a very good combo. Makes him do a lot of stupid things that hurts you so much. He was so regretful of those times and if he can do anything just to go back to fix everything, he will. But he can’t go back. There’s no such thing as time machine.

What he can do is try. Try to make you feel how sorry he was. Try to make you see a different him, a better version of him. The better version that he strive to be just for you. And try to make you feel how much he loves you.

“I’m really sorry for what I did back then.” he started and licked his lips. He kept sighing heavily to ease his nervous feelings, calming his racing heart.

He had rehearsed the words he wants to tell you once he saw you again, but they all became pointless as his mind went blank just by having you standing in front of him.

“Not just the last night we are together,” he felt his heart break by the mention of it. One of the nights he regretted the most. “but I’m sorry for everything. I was so dumb to realize things much faster. I was an idiot for not treating you better.” he licked his lips and stared right to your eyes.

“I love you, y/n. I still do.” the tears pooling your eyes starts to stream down your face.

“The same type of love I feel for you back then. I love you so much that it hurts. It didn’t change at all. It was always you for me.”

Right now, you felt like your heart is being squeezed so hard. These words you wanted to hear from him back then are finally happening. But things are a lot more complicated as it is. Jake’s face flashes through your mind and you can’t take hurting him.

And also because you still feel so hurt he didn’t do anything just to make you stay. Why now? Why now when you’re a little okay already?

Your lips trembles as you open them to speak.

“You know if you only went after me that night, I would’ve stayed. I would not leave you.” you says in your low voice.

His eyes softens and tighten his grip on you. Your eyes dropped at his hand and it took everything in you to unclasp his hold.

“I’m sorry, Sunghoon. A lot of things changed already, but,” your words halted. ‘But I still love you.’ were the words you wanted to say.

You shut your eyes and opens them, trying to hide your real feelings for him.

“I do kind of wish you tried to fix it after we ended. I waited for you.”

You saw him broke and it was so much harder for you. To see him like this is your weakness. You’ve always had a soft spot for him and it will always remain like that.

“Y/n I—” he was cut off when the conference room’s door bursts open.

You quickly wiped off your tears. Thankfully, Sunghoon’s built was enough to cover you from whoever that is.

“I have to go. Good bye.” and without sparing him another glance, you stormed out of the scene. Leaving the place. Leaving Sunghoon and leaving your heart with him.

The encounter with your ex boyfriend just made you disoriented. You spaced out most of the day and you’re thankful that the people in your workplace just thought you are not feeling well. They didn’t asked much about it and just gives you space.

When Jake came to pick you up, you felt so much worse. His sweet smiles makes you so guilty. It felt so bad. You feel horrible for still having feelings for your ex when he was there with you. Treating you good like how you wanted.

“Jake! My boy!” your Dad’s cheerful voice errupted the whole room as he went to give him a hug.

You watch how he connected with your parents and it made you think about the times with Sunghoon. They’ve never been like that towards him. Your mother’s a little nicer than your Dad, but she never really tries to know Sunghoon as he is a little intimidating for her. That’s what she said.

Your Dad on the other hand just flat out shut his doors for him. After knowing what he does, he straight up dislikes him without even trying to get to know him more.

It made you feel bad for Sunghoon. Just by thinking of how would he react if he saw this scene of your parents warmly welcoming Jake to your home will hurt him like hell. And that’s what you did to him before. You kept on forcing him into this when you knew it was a low case already. You kept rubbing salt to the open wounds your parents had created to him.

“Honey, you all right?” your Mom took notice of your silence. The two guys looked at your way with concerns in their eyes.

You quickly pulled a small smile for them.

“I just don’t feel so well today, Mom.” she coos and cupped your face.

“Oh my cupcake. Let’s go eat already, I’m sure it will be gone once you have your favorite soup.” and she even gave you a hug.

Your Dad caress your arms and asked you two to follow them so you can start eating dinner already. Jake’s hands settles on the small of your back, eyes looking at you with so much concern.

“You okay, baby?”

You nodded with a small smile before he guided you towards the dining area. The dinner started and the three of them were the ones talking most of the time. You tries to join and forcedly laugh from time to time while eating so little. Just to avoid suspicion from them.

“I’m really glad you found Jake, y/n! He’s such a great match for you. Unlike that boy...” the scowl on his face appears for the first time tonight.

Your smile falters and you quickly fell on a foul mood. Your father always hated him. He never saw his efforts.

You lowered your head, doesn’t really want to hear more about it.

“He has a thick face for showing up here in our home multiple times months ago to look for y/n!” he added, sounding so upset about it.

Your hand halted from playing with your food after his words slowly sink into your system. You lift your head and stared at your Dad with furrowed brows.

“Sunghoon went here? When?” you asked in a speed of light. Doesn’t want them to bury this topic.

Your Mom and Jake was surprised to how you reacted.

“A week after you left his sorry ass. You know I was so pissed at him for coming back over and over again even after I told him you don’t want him anymore and that he should just leave you alone. You are better off without him. Maybe he is really just that stupid—”

“Why didn’t you told me this before?” your tone sounded so accusing. The look of betrayal on your eyes burns towards your Father.

“I don’t see the need of mentioning that to you. He’s already out of the picture. I really hate that boy. He’s bad for you. I never understand why you loved someone like him?”

“You never really tried to get to know him so how would you understand?”

“Pardon?” your Father’s expression looked offended by how you said the last sentence.

You stood up abruptly, making a dragging sound from your chair. They all looked at you with confusion on their faces.

“I should’ve known you can do something like that, Dad. I should’ve known Sunghoon will come here to look for me despite knowing that he will get nothing but mistreatment. I should’ve known.” you started marching out from the room and you can hear Jake calling out for you, but you couldn’t care more.

All you can think of was how hard must it been for Sunghoon. Now all his words from a while ago hits you differently. The way his eyes flashes sadness and how he looked so broken just made your heart crack into a million pieces.

He maybe a mess, but he is your mess. He is your person, your other half.

“Y/n hold on,” your steps halted right when you are at the front porch of your house.

Jake went after you and when you saw how scared his eyes and how he looked so broken, it hurts you. But you knew it will just break him more if you continue being with him when your heart clearly belongs to someone else.

“Where are you going?” he asks, even if he knew the answer already.

“I’m really sorry Jake. I love you, really.” you licked your lips and tears pooled the corner of your eyes.

“But I still love him. It’s still him.”

You’ve never seen Jake like this before. You are so used at seeing him smile that seeing him this broken, hurts you so much.

“Are you serious? No...” he chuckles with no humor, blinking rapidly to push those tears back inside his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jake. You deserve someone who will love you with all their heart and that person is not me.” and you removed his hand from your arm.

A tear left his eyes, but you turned away. You are being selfish again and choosing what will make you truly happy.

After calling a cab, you told the driver the address of your old apartment you shared with Sunghoon. Hoping that he’s still staying in that place, otherwise you will have to go ask his friends.

On the way to him, you realized a lot of things. You realized his little efforts that kept you going through the relationship. You started seeing how he’s imperfectly perfect for you. That despite his flaws, he’s always been the only one who loves you genuinely. The person who will love you even if you fail. The person who you can show your vulnerable side and still think you’re the most wonderful person.

You went out of the cab and just right in time, the rain poured. It reminded you that same night where you ended things with Sunghoon. Starting to get drenched, you walked towards the apartment building that you used to stay in with him. The same apartment that holds so much memories.

On the other hand, inside the apartment, Sunghoon’s brows were hardly furrowed while he head over his door after hearing a doorbell. He's a little confuse as he expects nobody for tonight.

He opens it and quickly, the annoyed expression over his face was replaced with a surprised one.

“Y/n?” he uttered seeing you standing in front of his unit, all drenched.

Your eyes softens at the sight of him. Seeing him in his white plain shirt and black shorts that he always use to wear whenever you two stays inside. You felt so happy seeing him. Your mouth opens to say something but eyes shifted at the back of him.

The relief you felt washes away at the sight of a girl coming out from the comfort room.

“Who is it, oppa?” she asked and you felt so dumb.

You are stoned at your position for a while before starting to step away. You probably looked like a freaking loser being all drenched and crashing to his apartment. Your heart broke again if its possible as it was already broken, then you cleared your throat. Tears streaming nonstop.

“I-I’m sorry. I should’ve not come here...” and you stormed off.

You heard him calling out for you, but you didn’t stop. Trying to save some dignity left in you. The rain is still pouring hard when you arrived outside but you didn’t care. You walked like a lifeless being with no direction to go to. People stared, but you just ignored them. You are hurting so bad and you wished that the rain will wash it away.

“Y/n!” a scream halt your step.

His familiar voice echoes inside your mind and you heard rummaging steps approaching you. You wanted to run and save a face, but you didn’t. Your heart felt so heavy.

Two shoes came into your view and slowly you lift your head up. Sunghoon’s starting to get drenched by the rain too, but like you he seems to not care. His chest rises up and down, trying to catch his breath after running after you. He’s wearing a jacket now on top of his white t-shirt which is useless as its slowly getting wet as well.

You looked at him with broken stares.

“Why are you here?” he asks, hoping that you came here to tell him that you want him back. That you want him as much as he wants you.

Your lips tremble and hot tears brimmed your eyes. It made it a little harder to see his face clearly because of the rain, but you tried hard. Sunghoon notices and stepped closer, head slightly covering your face from the pouring rain as he stares down on you.

“I c-came to tell you that a lot of things already changed,” you started and tried to push away your pride. This time, you wanted to do it right.

“but my feelings for you remained the same. I love you, Sunghoon. I love you so much that my heart felt like it stopped beating when I left you. I love you so much that I knew I will never be the same again after we broke up. I love you so much that I ended things with Jake just so I can be happy again. It’s making me lose my mind, making me act insane. And that’s the way I love you.”

Sunghoon licked his lower lip and the rain was cold, but his heart was warm. God, how he missed feeling this way.

“And I know I hurt you before. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for leaving that night and for thinking you didn’t try to fix it. I’m really sorry—” your words were cut off when he smashed his lips on yous.

Your hand reached over his clothes, holding it tightly for support system. His kisses started aggressive, like he wanted to do that for so long. Like he’s been deprived of it. The kiss lasted for a while until he leans away to catch his breath, you followed his lips for a few more pecks then his forehead rests on yours.

He cupped your face, warming it using his warm hands. While staring at his eyes, your loving gaze suddenly changed with a glaring eyes.

“What?”

“Who’s that girl at your apartment?” your question are like an interogation.

He smirks and chuckles. He even tries to kiss you, but you leaned away making him whine a little.

“She’s my cousin. She stayed overnight at our apartment after going out with her friends. She’s about to leave now.” you quickly melt when he addressed the apartment as yours and his.

You pout and calmed down. He chuckles and made your noses touch, staring at your eyes loving.

“I love you.” he says, placing another hot kiss on your lips. Your heart aches, but this time in a good way. You felt like you are finally where you should be. Inside his arms.

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[wavesoutbeingtossed]

You've surely answered this many times, but what would you say are your favorite Taylor songs? It's impossible to say, considering her catalogue, but which came to mind first? (I love hearing you talk about her music!!!)

Oh fun!

I don’t think I have actually answered anything like this! The short answer would be: almost all of her music lol.

There are too many to choose from so let me go album by album to pick out my faves (which I am not committing to because my faves can change at any given moment). The ones in bold are like my extra top tier, elite, would have loved to be in the room to listen to it live and/or has spent many hours on many playlists of mine over the years:

Tim McGraw

Picture to Burn

Should’ve Said No

Stay Beautiful

Hey Stephen

You All Over Me

We Were Happy

That’s When

Don’t You

Speak Now

Dear John

Mean

The Story of Us

Last Kiss

I Can See You

State of Grace

All Too Well

The Last Time

Holy Ground

Better Man

Run

Safe and Sound

Style

Out of the Woods

This Love

Clean

You Are In Love

Say Don’t Go

Now That We Don’t Talk

Is It Over Now?

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Getaway Car

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

New Year’s Day

Cruel Summer

Lover

The Archer

Paper Rings

Cornelia Street

Death By A Thousand Cuts

It’s Nice To Have A Friend

The 1

Exile

Mirrorball

August

Invisible String

Betty

Peace

The Lakes

Champagne Problems

‘‘Tis The Damn Season

No Body, No Crime

Ivy

Marjorie

Evermore

It’s Time To Go

Right Where You Left Me

Carolina

Renegade

Lavender Haze

Anti-Hero

Sweet Nothing

Bigger Than The Whole Sky

Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve

Hits Different

You’re Losing Me

So Long, London

Guilty As Sin?

Loml

Clara Bow

The Black Dog

Imgonnagetyouback

Peter

The Bolter

Robin

The Manuscript

I’m sure I’m missing some but anyway!

[kay-elle-cee]

@jilymicrofics July Prompt 8: Hazy || 500 Words || NSFW || Canon Divergent MICROFIC MASTERLIST

Note: Look. I was going to try and wait until tomorrow, (especially since I dropped a oneshot today) but it's tomorrow somewhere, and Taylor (and specifically I Can See You, a Jily song if I've EVER heard one) has absolutely invaded my brain.

Smut below the cut.

Red hair falls in waves down her back, collarbone exposed to the warm summer air as his lips descend on the smooth pale skin, kissing each freckle in a trail down the slope of her breasts, hands moving up to gently work them until a soft moan escapes from between swollen lips.

Feet fumble as they blindly make their way back, back, back against the stone exterior of the cottage, lips traveling up her neck to meet her own, mouths parting and breath mingling, sharp little gasps escaping her as his fingers roll over piqued pink peaks.

The scene swims and suddenly the garden, the gentle sunlight is gone. Instead there’s a storm raging outside and the power is out in that Order safe house they shared in Portsmouth. A handful of candles light the room and she’s on top of him, flushed skin aglow in the candlelight, head thrown back in ecstasy as her hips move faster and faster, his glasses skewed on his face as he looks up with awe, hands gripped so tightly into her hips his fingers will surely leave marks.

A groan rips out as he rolls her until her back is against the mattress, red halo hair strewn over the pillows, and he continues her pace, leaning over and capturing her lips hungrily as she shudders around him with a delicious cry.

Another change, this time on a couch he vaguely recognizes as hers. There’s a warm glow from the lamps, and judging from the kitchen window it’s around dusk. They’re upright, arms slung around on another, knees and thighs touching, lips lazily moving together as hands move from hair to face to chest to arms—lightly touching, tentatively exploring their fully-clothed bodies. His lips trail to where her neck and shoulder meet and she lets out a breathy sigh of his name, “James…”

Something about that, about his name in her mouth like that sends him reeling back and he blinks rapidly as the library of the Order’s Headquarters comes into focus, a flushed and fuming Lily Evans sitting before him.

“Have your fun?” She bites, her voice strained.

“I don’t—Evans—what?” His mind has trouble focusing, hazy thoughts of gardens and candlelight and swollen lips and the way she bloody sounded crying out in that safe house scrambling his mind and affecting all of his senses. He’s confused. “Those…weren’t memories…”

She glares, and James notices the heaviness of her breathing. “No. Seems like you dug a little further.”

”Further?”

“Dreams, Potter.” She tears her eyes away, crossing her arms and muttering, "Fucking Moody’s fucking Legilimency practice."

“Dreams?” James breathes, and the blood in his veins hums. “You have drea—those kind of dreams? About me?”

Her simmering gaze flickers back to him, and he’s not sure if he imagines the way it briefly drops to his lips or if it’s just the memories of her dreams playing tricks on him.

“You’ve seen for yourself.” She breathes. “Happy, Potter? Or would you like to see more?”

Read on Ao3

[joesalw]

I sent these quotes to another blog a while ago and thought it would be a good time to bring them back here. Because a lot of people say they don't understand how or why people like Joe and that we don't know him and only like the person Taylor painted in her songs. A big reason for this is that these people never really saw him as much more than a pawn and Taylor's boyfriend or tried to get to get to know him beyond that. You're not required to do that ofc, but once you make up lies to fit your story that's other thing. My point is these are just a few things people who actually interacted with Joe up close and personal have said about him. Mostly all different people, because everyone who works with him has something good to say about him. Even people who randomly meet him seem to get enrupted right away. So this is to show what people who know him (co-workers, directors, his school teachers) say as opposed to the shitty stuff swifties say without even being in the same room with this man for 5 minutes to make people believe he's some kind of monster. I would even say there's a few things being said that are not very common for people to compliment in a man.

"He's just so gentle and sincere. I felt very safe with him."

"Joe isn't nearly as reserved as Nick, but it's a tendency to let others have the floor. He just tends to be more interested in everyone else, what they're saying, which is a lovely quality"

"he's so sensitive and thoughtful"

"there's something very soulful about Joe as a person. He's very introspective. He's exceptionally kind, as a person. There’s just something gorgeous about him, as a person, and that goes into the acting. He can do uncertainty brilliantly and he can do vulnerability brilliantly."

"Joe’s instinct as an actor is always to push away from the obvious and into ambiguity. He’s very quietly spoken. He’s not brash at all. He’s a gentle, intelligent guy. "

"Joe is such a naturally kind and warm and welcoming human being,”

"I don’t think people will be surprised by just how much everyone loves Joe Alwyn, how much everyone fell in love with Joe Alwyn… he’s a true English gent. I completely owe my heart to Joe Alwyn.”

“Yeah Joe Alwyn does come in and steal the hearts of everyone around. He’s just like the most genuine, kind, present human. Funny too! Real funny.”

"I know Joe a little and like him an enormous amount. Such a phenomenal talent and wonderful human

"He has to be one of the nicest people I have ever met and I know it might sound like I'm saying it to ease everyone's mind, but no genuinely he was the sweetest and he was super worried about me all the time"

"I really liked acting with him. He's really a gentleman. A sweet guy. He's really focused and cares a lot about his work"

"Joe is tremendously warm and winning"

"There was just something very subtle about his reading. You could feel the tenderness inside of him. He just felt real."

"I'll say he is perhaps the top notch talent I ever witness in a reading. He was so directable, so talented, and ofc the look is gorgeous. Like a gift dropped from heaven"

"He has a disarming humility which appears both on and off screen. I spoke to Joe recently and found that the experience of starring in a Hollywood movie had not changed him at all. He will continue to be the person he is."

"Very cool impressive actor. After meeting him I had the opposite thought: Can she keep him?" (This came from a movie director who seems to be a Taylor fan, after meeting him once)

“He’s really nice. Really, really friendly, really good dude.”

When Joe first arrived at the school… “He brought a maturity and intelligence that was of immense benefit to the group. He also had a passion for the work and a conviction within his own artistry that was an inspiration to some of his younger colleagues.” By the time Joe was approaching his final year, he had become… “completely fearless.”

"A brilliant natural actor, especially gifted at quiet emotion"

"He's an absolute pleasure to work with. I became very close to him. I think everybody did"

“He can carry a movie on his shoulders—he has the height, the looks, obviously, the voice, the ability with accents; he is versatile,”

“Joe was gentle and he wasn’t overly pushy, because he knew I’m not good at mushy stuff,” she says. “Boys age differently, they’re f—ing idiots until they get older. But he’s a kind man with good manners.”

“When you’re speaking to him you feel like he’s only listening to you,”

“He’s got…the greatest head on his shoulders,”

‘That very first scene between the tree, he was worried the entire time like, “Are you OK? I don’t want to hurt you. Shall we do it like that? Is this easier for you?” The entire time trying to find out if I was OK, he was so sweet, so gentle, that I knew that I would be safe with him"

'He's very hardworking, very down to earth, very diligent and very gregarious. A very nice spirit to be around.

'Joe was always deeply committed to his craft. He was often very moved by the massiveness of his vocation. 'He saw acting as a necessity. He was serious about it, very committed. He was exceptional in that regard. He's a thoughtful man who cares beyond the frivolity of putting on a show. 'He sees performance as a powerful gift that he has, and that he hopes can change things for good.'We always hoped that this poetic soul would find a place for his vision.'

wow this was such a precious thing to read, he's really such a nice individual it makes my heart warm 🥺

[youknowwhoiamperiod]

hello sweet ariel,

do you have any playlists for your self ships? if you do, are there any artists you keep coming back to for each of them? what are your top three songs for mermaidghost and jariel?

xoxo sunnie (@fic-over-cannon)

hiiii sunnie angel!!! i'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this uni has been after my ass :(( hope you've been doing okay <333

yessss i do have playlists for my self ships!!! the jariel one is much much much more prominent than my other ones and i've only recently made my mermaidghost one but!!! they're literally everything to me!!!

there are some artists that are basically tone setters for the ships. for jariel it's taylor swift (act shocked everyone), technically her music is so versatile and explores so many themes that it's is in literally all my playlists but. i dedicate almost all her songs (especially the reputation and lover album) to jason. i think just outside of selfshipping i relate to a lot of her lyrics and i find that a lot of them could apply to jason too. likeeeee listen to the evermore album and tell me you don't think of him. literally. also she's just my favourite artist and white woman of all time, jason is my favourite fic character and white man of all time, the correlation is obvious. another artist i think makes peak jariel songs is sabrina carpenter. idk something about them blue eyed blondies and their love songs just tick all the jariel criteria.

i'm gonna cheat a little bit and give you my top 3 taylor jariel songs, then some random songs.

for taylor:

this is not just my favourite taylor song but also just my favourite song ever ever ever ever. i could go on and on about how important to me and artistically perfect it is but to to keep it short it literally embodies the very essence of jariel. it just paints a sweet and beautiful picture of love all while still being self aware of your character and how secure you feel in this relationship that you don't care what anyone has to say about it. the way the melody just blends so well with the lyrics and makes the meaning stand out even more. it's just such a comfort song that i dedicate to jason because he's my everything <3

this song is pretty self explanatory. like. idk you can just listen to it and figure out why it's so jariel. we just started it off with pissing each other so much but in reality we were just fighting the underlying feelings we had for each other. and it's infuriating. the bridge was literally inspired by us i know it taylor told me.

this song takes a deeper dive on the struggles we both went through before finally making it out and realizing that maybe we should give this a chance lol (we were meant to be together). this song is literally gorjus and it kind of describes our headspace and entourage instead of just focusing on our little selves.

for others i'd pick:

• feels like by gracie abrams

• bed chem by sabrina carpenter

• like lovers do by hey violet

• nonsense by sabrina carpenter

• margaret by lana del rey

• safe and sound tv by taylor swift

• the louvre by lorde

• thoroughfare by ethel cain

now for mermaidghost, i've only recently got into my simon brainrot but i've slowly started fleshing it out and!!! thanks to aurore i figured out that the artist who describes us the best is lana del rey. like i mean she's queen of singing about older men and their controversially young girlfriend so. everytime i think of simon while listening to her music i get so 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 another artist i think embodies us so so well is gracie abrams. another case of sad girl music because him and i are tragic in that way </3

so for lana we have:

it's always her unreleased songs.... self explanatory. like sorry but going around all grumpy and broody isn't gonna get me off your back love <333 if being aggressive is his go to attitude then let's do it baby You're Just Turning Me On.

this was suggested by aurore as part of our stripper au but even outside of that it's just so.... us... like i'm literally his midnight answer. he goes wandering around all day but the moment it gets dark everyone knows where he'll be (in my bed). also i just think he'd always have to sit through my dancing sessions so.

i giggled a little bit when i thought of this because he's a british army man so naturally overboard patriotic but. baby that's not gonna work with me <333 i'm your home country now pledge allegiance to me.

and for others i'd pick:

• i know it won't work/full machine/us. all by gracie abrams

• dial drunk by noah kahan

• how did it end? by taylor swift

• don't tell me i'm pretty by faouzia

• loml by taylor swift

• get him back! by olivia rodrigo (great contrast to the jariel one lol)

• miss me too by griff

• casual by chappell roan

funny little thing but there’s this unreleased gracie abrams song called tuesday/denial which is soooo mermaidghost but she changed the lyrics then released the official one titled let it happen and it’s very jariel coded… i just thought it was super funny lol

this was so long and i went so overboard with it i'm so sorry omfg 😭😭😭 this was such a good question and it combined two of my favourite things in the whole world couldn't just settle for 3 songs each... anyway as always sunnie you're amazing i'm sending you loads of kisses mwaaaah

[pumpkin-cake]

Taylor Swift Songs - U.A. Boys

(includes - izuku midoriya, katsuki bakugou, shoto todoroki, tenya iida, eijirou kirishima, denki kaminari, mirio togata, tamaki amajiki)

summary - what taylor swift song are you two?

warnings - mention of self-unaliving (none actually)

midoriya is baby

we all know this

yes, he becomes the top hero in the world, even surpassing all might, but he still has a sweet sensitivity and kindness to him

you love that childlike innocence he’s kept for so long, despite the fact he’s gone through so much pain and hardship

you like to tease him with this song

he always protests, claiming he definitely is not little

it all has to do with his sweet demeanor, and how you wish you could protect him the way that he protects you

i know this song doesn’t immediately yell ‘Katsuki Bakugou’

but listen

hear me out okay

i can absolutely see katsuki and his childhood friend reader sort of separating after he gets a partner that isn’t you

the issue is that the partner isn’t really understanding of katsuki’s way of expressing love but doesn’t want to break it off for their own selfish reasons

so katsuki ends up confiding in that childhood friend reader

you both have loved each other for such a long time but he realized it WAY after you did

damn i wanna write a fic abt this

such a pure type of love

you both are absolutely smitten with one another, and everybody knows it

it’s like the love you see in movies or fairy tales

shoto is also a very attractive

like it’s canon that he’s considered hot

and especially as a pro-hero, people would be really really jealous and judge

but they don’t know you two

your all’s love is yours and yours alone

tenya absolutely strikes me as the protective type of guy

he takes so many things seriously

your relationship would be no different

your safety and health is his top priority

he doesn’t want anything to happen to you

just imagine him holding you in his arms after a villain attack, having you close your eyes and focus on him

he’ll always keep you safe no matter what it takes

i still think eijirou is and can be super insecure

you’re one of the only ones who can actually help him with that

if he ever needs help, you’re there

i don’t think kiri would think of unaliving himself like the song suggests

but i do think you would always have that concern for him

especially after the bakugou getting kidnapped incident

and the shie hissaikai incident

you just love him and don’t know what you’d do without him

KAMINARI IS JUST A SIMP

i feel like he’d be so cocky

i mean he fell in love with you instantly

y’all are soulmates, right??

as goofy and clueless as he can be

you love him very very much

you guys feel like you can rule the whole damn world together

you make each other so happy and confident

mirio to me is just like

that perfect guy

yes he’s a little goofy

but everything about him is just so genuine and pure

everything about him is perfect to you

he’s such a gentleman but never fails to make you laugh

it feels unreal to have mirio togata in your life

almost like magic

you and tamaki are gentle lovers

you both don’t care about flashy dates or physical affection in public

your reputation doesn’t matter

you like things private

this relationship belongs to you two

no one else has to know how deep your love goes for each other

just as long as you both know

then that’s enough

[maimingaffairs]

a fellow swiftie and darkling enthusiast!!! i love your writing so much and i fw your top 5 songs >:)<3

i can't wait to read the rest of 'grieving for the living', it is already so amazing... MY HEARTTTTT. though i do want to know, will you follow the general story beats of both sab seasons or only season 1? and if you were to make a playlist for it, what songs would you include in it? ok, have a nice day!

ok purr now we’re asking some good questions. first of all, ur such a sweet angel. second, im going to be following through seasons one and two. i’ll put together a little baby playlist for u below the cut, but please be warned its likely only taylor swift. i operate on a 24/7 backtrack of taylor swift. what can i say im just a girl

castles crumbling

tolerate it

you all over me

state of grace BUT the acoustic version. it HAS to be the acoustic version. i’m a strong believer that the regular version of state of grace and the acoustic have two very different meanings

FALSE GOD

you’re losing me. don’t ask questions

hoax hoax hoax hoax

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

safe and sound

no body, no crime, and ur just gonna have to trust the process with this one

it’s time to go

clean

you’re on your own, kid

ivy, if you squint. i’ll only add this because the line “grieving for the living” is the title… nothing about this song pertains to this story

my tears ricochet

ur probs thinking omg where are the happy songs. there aren’t any. don’t read too much into it rn <3 trust the process (and don’t hate me later!)

[daughter-of-melpomene]

I heard you'd like some asks? What about 7, 19, 23, 40, 51, 63, 79 and 90 from your Spotify Wrapped for the OC association thingy? Giving you lots of numbers to think about, hope that's what you're looking for. Get well soon <3

Evie, I know I say this pretty regularly, but I absolutely love you, thank you so much for this!! <3

So, number seven on my Spotify Wrapped is "You Should Probably Leave" by Chris Stapleton, and I definitely associate this with Wyatt Friedman and his relationship with Kelly Severide during their hookup phase! The repressed longing in the lyrics, the wanting to push the other person away a bit so you don't catch feelings but also wanting them to stay with you... it all just screams this phase of Wyatt and Severide's relationship to me!

Number nineteen is "Wendy" by Maisie Peters, and to me this song is definitely one of my new Ted Lasso babies, Day Harvington! For most of her romantic relationships before falling in love with Roy and Keeley, Day has been content to just stay in the background and let her partner be the main character in their story, even when it meant she just wound up getting hurt. After her most recent breakup before her story starts and she and her two friends move to Richmond, though, she makes a promise to herself that she is never going to play a background character in her love story again, if she ever manages to fall in love again, and I think this song is a really good showcase of that.

Number twenty-three is "Somebody To Love" by Queen, and you just know I have to give this to my Good Omens girl Luci Evans! Not only is Queen's music a big part of Good Omens and therefore part of Luci's story, but she's a pretty big fan of the band herself, and "Somebody To Love" is definitely one of her favorite songs from them.

Number forty is "First Burn" by Ari Afsar, and while this one was a little bit harder to figure out, I think I'll have to give this one to Ivy Kekoa, seeing as she's my resident show tunes girl! I can definitely see her singing this with some of the other Glee girls when she first finds out Sam has sort-of kind-of cheated on her by kissing Quinn, because even though they're not married and this isn't even on the scale of Alexander Hamilton's cheating she is just that dramatic. She would definitely sound amazing singing it, though!

Number fifty-one is "Cell Block Tango" from the musical Chicago, and honestly I'm going to have to give this one to my boy Will Welton, purely because I think it would be funny if he convinced Rebecca and Keeley to join him in a performance of this number to try and help Rebecca get over her feelings about Rupert.

Number sixty-three is "ocean eyes" by Billie Eilish, and I definitely associate this with Ivana Morozova and her reluctance to fall in love with Dick Grayson! Dick really does have those beautiful blue eyes, and as much as Ivana would like to resist them and resist falling for him (for many reasons, not the least of which being that the whole reason she came to Gotham was that she was sent there to kill his brother), she always winds up staring deeply into those ocean eyes and getting herself even further in!

Number seventy-nine is "Born This Way" by the Glee Cast, and maybe this is cheating, but I'm gonna go ahead and say my girl Bailey Taylor for this one! This would definitely be one of her favorite performances with the New Directions, and it's also a song she resonates with, having struggled with her sexuality and self-worth before. So on top of being a fun song to sing, it's really helped her and made her feel good about herself!

And finally, number ninety is another Queen song, "Another One Bites the Dust," and I figured we'd stick to the Good Omens OCs theme and go with Zazzadon! I can totally picture this being her intro song the first time she struts up to Earth to help out Aziraphale and Crowley, and it would definitely be playing during the fight in Aziraphale's bookshop in season two while she tries to keep Muriel safe and kick the asses of the lesser demons who are part of the raiding party!

send me a number 1-100 and I’ll tell you the song it corresponds with on my top 100 spotify wrapped playlist, and the oc/ship it reminds me of!!

[astro-tag-9]

Taylor Swift lyrics for various Astro placements Part ✌🏼🖐🏼

“Some wanna-be Z-Lister” (Paris) - Gemini Lilith

“I can’t talk to you when you’re like this” (False God) - Aries Mercury

“When Emma Falls In Love she paces the floor, closes all the blinds and locks the door” (When Emma Falls In Love) - Virgo Venus

“Home is where the heart is” (London Boy) - Leo/Sag Mars

“Put my name at the top of your list” (The Last Time) - Libra Venus/Lilith

“And when I fell hard, you took a step back” (I Knew You Were Trouble) -Gemini moon/Lilith

“I can see you up against the wall with me” (I Can See You) - Sagittarius/Scorpio Rising/Sun/Venus

“Let’s get out of this town” (Wildest Dreams) - Gemini Moon

“Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him” (…Ready for It?) - Aquarius Rising

“When Emma falls apart it’s when she’s alone. She takes all the pain and bears it on her own” (When Emma Falls In Love) - 12th house Moon/Mercury/Lilith

“They whisper in the hallway she’s a bad bad girl” (Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince) - Leo/Sagittarius Lilith

“You were Romeo I was a scarlet letter” (Love Story) - Cancer/Leo moon

“You always knew how to push my buttons” (I Wish You Would” - Aries Moon/Lilith

“Back when we had all night” (We Were Happy) - Pisces Rising

“And something’s you just can’t speak about” (Epiphany) - Scorpio/Sagittarius/Capricorn Mercury

“Met someone at the club and he kissed her” (Paris) - Taurus Sun

“Sneakin out late tapping on your window” (Our Song) - Venus in the 3/4/5/9 house

“I just wanna know you better” (Everything Has Changed) - Cancer Sun/Moon

“Right before your eyes, I’m breaking” (The Last Time) - Sagittarius Moon

“Little miss sunshine always thinks it’s gonna rain” - Libra/Taurus Lilith/Venus

“Remember how I said I would die for you” (False God) - Scorpio rising/sun/lilith

“I left my scarf there, at your sisters house and you still got it, in your drawer, even now” (All Too Well) - Aries moon

“Breaking all my rules to see you” (Superstar) - Cancer/Libra Venus

“I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that” (I Knew You Were Trouble) - Virgo/Aquarius Lilith

“Your picket fence is sharpe as knives I was dancing around, dancing around it” (High Infidelity) - Aquarius/Taurus Rising

“When I was drowning that’s when I could finally breathe” (Clean) - Pisces Venus/Lilith

“I hate the crowds you know that” (Betty) - Virgo Rising/Moon

“When all those shadows almost killed your light” (Safe & Sound) - Cancer/Taurus Moon/Lilith

“Take a deep breathe in the mirror” (Begin Again) - Sun in 2/5/10 House

“There’s nothing I hate more than what I can’t have” (Gorgeous) - Leo/Taurus Sun/Rising/Lilith

“No past. No reasons why” (The Last Time) - Capricorn Moon/Lilith

“Once I had an empire” (Castles Crumbling) - Sagittarius Sun

“Big mistake” (Babe) - Taurus Mars

“Try and catch me now” (White Horse) - Aries Venus

“You need to hear me out” (Speak Now) - Mercury in 1/2/3/11 house

“I am no one’s exception, this I had previously learned” ( Girl at Home) - Sun in 3/4/5 house

“I looked at you like the stars that shine” (Mary’s Song) - Taurus/Leo moon

“That’s a lie” (Tim McGraw) - Scorpio/Capricorn Sun

[locklylemybeloved]

what songs do u associate with ships

ooooh ok this is a rlly hard one bcs my brain is not as good at analyses as other ppl on here (*cough @sleepless-crows cough*)

but recently ive been thinking Two by Sleeping At Last is kind of Locklyle coded?

the song is about caring deeply for like a broken or hurt partner and then not really giving much thought to your own problems, which i think is suuuper lockwood @ lucy

there are also SO many taylor songs that fit them, and im not gonna get super into it cause that would take a ton of time, but a few of the top of my head are uhhh

safe and sound, the great war, the archer, and then there are a couple that are kind of post-THB, like all you had to do was stay, i dont want to live forever, and OBVIOUSLY haunted, both bcs of the title and the lyrics

anyways yeah i could go into the taylor anlysis deeper if anyone wanted but that would be QUITE the long post :)

[taylorthrift]

Hi, SwiftiePride anon again, hope you're having a great Tuesday! I'm glad to be getting to know you. 😊 I'd love to hear more about some of your favorite songs on 1989 and folklore! What are some of the most meaningful lyrics to you? What are your top 5 (or 10 or 13 or whatever number you want haha) Taylor songs of all time? They don't need to be from those two albums. 😊 Have a good week!!!!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜💖

I am so sorry I haven't responded to this yet. It's been a very busy week for me which is 'new' to me having been in a deep depressive slump for 6 years.

I'm not sure you want an essay on this so i'll try not to be as BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH as I normally am!

I was tangentially a Taylor Swift fan pre 1989. I liked singles, sang along to them. When Red came out was when I really started to pay attention (the pop sounds are more my taste certainly) but it wasn't just the pop that got me it was the riveting storytelling. WANEGBT is such a fun romp of a music video-which leads me to 1989.

Shake it Off: I was in my 30s when Shake it Off came out and it was such a great time, watching it take over and be played EVERYWHERE. It was not just an earworm, but (along with the video) made Taylor into a fool for herself. She was so totally self effacing that it made everyone fall in love with her and the music. She recognized herself as a clown-and the media's obsession with her was the circus. I have a whole essay that I came to tumblr to write about initially about how as a result of learning how to do this myself my job title literally got to be "Rockstar" (I worked as an IT Director at a national non profit)

Welcome to New York: An underrated song of the experience of moving to new york (something I too had done in my early 20s)

Blank Space: A brilliant satire and feminist critique of the narrative the world had built around her. A banger to boot. (And more making fun of her self) For years this was my favorite Taylor Swift song.

Style: Probably the sexiest song I know. The lines alone don't do it justice, but the way she sings "He said what you heard is true but I, can't stop thinking about you, and I, I say i been there too a few times" Is some deeply passionate relatable real romance. This wasn't the fairytale romance of "love story" this was people with chemistry who keep trying other things and keep being drawn back to each other. This wasn't just sex, this was magnetism and the tone she incants with it is so evocative.

Clean: Catharsis. A song that relates to addiction of any kind. "so i punched a hole in the roof" was more powerful than the climax any show or series i'd watched or read. It breaks me every time. It is the perfect end to the album.

(weird coincidence time: Wonderland was what I called the world that my boyfriend and I had built together as a safe retreat from the world. I have always had an Alice in Wonderland obsession, i have a whole spot in my house filled with Alice dolls and books. I bought this house because it had a cool display cabinet built into the front hall. I joined this fandom (april 14th) after breaking up with my boyfriend (on april 8th a few hours before the rumors about taylor and joe breaking up reached me) and losing my 'Wonderland'...I did not know literally, honestly till april 20th of this year that Taylor had a Wonderland on 1989. And then-as i was reeling from this information-the next night Taylor did Wonderland as her secret song.)

Wait I think I have failed at not writing an essay somehow.

Folklore is ...really raw for me right now? I have trouble thinking about it or talking about it because so much of my relationship is bound up in me using those songs to communicate how i was feeling with my ex.

Mirrorball was our love song though. A sad tragedy of me always spinning for him-desperate to keep his attention. It's beautiful but it's a terrible fate to always be working for the attention of one person and they're not working to get yours.

... :(

which is i guess where Hoax comes in. he never cheated on me-just, had lots of other stuff going on and didn't have as much time for me as I had for him? I was everything to him by words-but by actions and where he spent his time and how he spent his time....it was a faithless love and i desperately was begging him for a reason to stay in the relationship.

and Peace: I am a tormented woman. I have incredible gifts and love and sincerity in abundance, but my depression takes and takes and takes. There is no happy ending with me-there is little comfort to be found. And I could give love forever and never love myself.

i um

[shinycollarboneapologist]

omg illicit affairs anon here and happy to report how I feel on every taylor song!!! my fav album is evermore so I would die for any song on there and will defend it to my death.

matty is literally who taylor wrote all this songs for wdym?? Harry Styles? never heard of him... style is clearly for Mr. Matthew Timothy Healy and I won't here shit otherwise! I love to live in my delusion and pretend peace is ab me and matty bc he's so famous... no I am not mentally well thanks for asking!!!!

mirrorball? I think it's safe to say I'm a mirrorball stan considering I have a tattoo for it on my ribs... FOLKLORE IS POETRY I LOVE IT (I also rated the whole of folklore and mirrorball is no.3)

my tears ricochet? I CAN GO ANYWHERE I WANT, ANYWHERE I WANT JUST NOT HOME!!! proud owner of an og folklore cardigan here I love my tears ricochet!!!! it's number 6 on my overall folklore rating which sounds low but folklore just has too many bangers you know??

tis the damn season? seeing this on the eras tour set list did send me into cardiac arrest, thank you!!! this is one of those sad bangers that gets me HYPE to feel depressed but slightly jam at the same time. I was prepped to have 0 evermore songs but to have THIS?? I cried watching the live stream at 3am (International swiftie grind)

false god? unlike any other taylor song but it BANGS!!! I want her to play it and john from the 1975 to play all the sax bits ty!! lover is my 3rd favourite album and I haven't been able to listen to it since... the news :(((

I also am a debut stan I am happy to say, people give it wayyyy to much hate!! picture to burn?? should've said no?? I'm only me when I'm with you?? our song?? it's a no skip album and I'll take that to my grave.

overall miss taylor swift deserves every award and I want her and the '75 to stand there and preform their entire discography to me and you in our cottage ty, as payment we will name some cats after them!!

love you bestie <33333

EVERMORE AND SPEAK NOW ARE MY TOP TWO (WITH 1989 and FOLKORE TIED FOR A THIRD). evermore has the worlds best song (champagne problems) and the deluxe tracks???? right where you left me? its time to go? like okay ms. swift...

PLEJDGLDF as a h*rry stan and a 75 stan, my delusional brain goes back and forth through periods of daydreaming about 1989 being the harry album and the matthew Timothy healy love letter. ALSO i am right with you with the whole daydreaming thing. maybe mine is champagne problems being about me and matty and me not being ready for a relationship with him bc i love angst and drama. (i am the drama. also the rumor that went around when it first came out that champagne problems was about justin and selena? that broke me..)

MIRRORBALLLLLLLLLLL SENDS MEEEEEEE FOR A LOOP. its the song i lay in bed to and just stare at the ceiling, literally on my disassociation playlist. (i wish i was joking). and omg.. the tattoo.. its literally on my list of ones i want to get. (besties and twinsies)

me adding u to my rob list bc i longed for a folklore cardigan. ALSO. I GET TTTT IT SO MUCH. folklore is a banging album.

the way i literally threw my phone when she started playing it. i was in SHOCK. its literally top tier from the album. i was so ready for her to disrespect evermore completely, so i was very much satisfied that it was on the setlist.

FALSE GOD IS SO SEXY TO ME. the sax ... the soulfulness. i sway when it comes on bc its just so good?!?!? also ur so right for wanting john to play the sax on it. i think i would keel over and die. (Also just wanted to update you that i listened to lover on the way home from work ln and it .... it wounded me but i was BRAVE)

debut is soooooooooo chef's kiss. i am not a country fan at ALL. but i will get down and dirty to her old music idc. our song <3 im an our song STAN. i loved the music video.

me and you inviting only miss swift and the 1975 (plus their touring band) to our little cottage with our cats. it sounds like heaven to me. (matty is only allowed in when he's performing though, we have to humble him somehow)

love you SO MUCH. i hope ur having a wonderful day <3

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

So I’m stealing this from @tayloralisonswift and you should definitely check out their version, but I’m going to listen to and rank all of Taylor’s songs album by album (and then maybe her non album songs at the end). You can also see my debut rankings and what I’ve changed here + my Fearless, Speak Now, RED, 1989, Reputation, Lover, Folklore, Evermore, Midnights and TTPD:TA rankings here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.

So with that in mind, it’s time for the non album songs. I will note that I've limited down to songs I feel Taylor is more than I backup singer for/has at least one actual verse for + is not a cover (sorry Macavity + Santa Baby, you are loved by me though) and tbh I'm a CD listener so there's probably ones I've forgotten about. Also a content warning about sexual violence - it's only a mention, but still read at your own discretion. After this I'm going to make one final post with all the scores and then we'll be done.

Christmases When You Were Mine: Still my favourite Christmas song she's done by far. Like I am not usually a Christmas music person, but this (and Last Christmas by Wham) are my exceptions. I love it dearly. 9.5/10.

Christmas Must Be Something More: I'm sorry even as a Christian kid, I was not into this song. I do find it interesting in the theme of Taylor talking about religion and how that changed over the years, but yeah apart from that, I'm not a fan. 3/10.

Christmas Tree Farm: So admittedly I like the old timey version of this over the original, but in general it's pretty meh. Like it's cute and definitely her most Christmas sounding song, but again, I don't like Christmas music lmao. 4/10.

Only The Young: Listen I appreciate the sentiment and time frame when Taylor (outwardly/publicly) did more than just endorsing for politics, but I have never liked this song. 3/10.

Beautiful Ghosts: I'm gonna be bold and call this Taylor's most underrated song ever. It's top 10 overall Taylor songs for me and I feel like so many people saw 'Cats' and didn't give it a chance. 10/10.

I Don't Wanna Live Forever: This song is so good. Like I had never even considered a Zayn/Taylor collab before this song, but it works so well. 9.5/10.

Crazier: I did not have pay TV growing up so unfortunately Hannah Montana means nothing to me and I've only very rarely heard this song before (because again, I am a CD listener). It reminds me of A Perfectly Good Heart in the way of I think if she rerecords it, it'll grow a lot for me because I do not like her vocals on it but for now it's grating, sorry. 3/10.

Renegade: Amazing. Nothing more to be said. 9/10.

The Alcott: One of my favourites. Still yearning for it to be mashed up with Labyrinth. 9/10.

Birch: I'm gonna be real, this song really shows me how important Taylor's songwriting to me because it just does not appeal to me despite their other collabs being loved by me. 4/10.

The Joker and The Queen: I am an Ed fan, but admittedly this song came out when I had fallen off (before coming back to him recently) so I don't listen to it much. But it is very cute and I will never complain about Ed/Taylor collaborations. 7/10.

Eyes Open: I know I should have put these next two on the RED rankings but tbh I forgot that she retroactively added them to RED TV lmao. Anyway I love this song. 8/10.

Safe And Sound: Still one of my favourite songs from her overall. 10/10.

Two Is Better Than One: Listen, in theory this should have been my favourite collab she's ever done. I loved boyslikegirls at the time and I loved her. And yet I really do not like this collab. It's a damn tragedy lmao. 3/10.

Highway Don't Care: Underrated. I need Keith Urban to get on that god damn Eras stage and do a mashup of this, We Were Happy and That's When lmao. 9/10.

Carolina: So controversy about this song/the movie it was in aside, this is one of those songs that just sound fake deep to me. Like one of those songs that people just chuck sentences together for to make it seem like it's saying something and is deep in its vagueness when really it's just vague and confusing (in this case obviously if you know Taylor's life it's less so but still). I also don't like the production and feel it should be darker/sadder. In saying this, the outro does speak to me as a sexual violence survivor. 4/10.

Three Sad Virgins: Obviously I cannot judge these last two songs on the same merits as the above songs because they're not meant to be serious songs. In saying that, this one is... fine I guess. Like she sounds good but content wise, I just would never go back to it. 5/10.

The Monologue Song: I have a lot of nostalgia for this song and feel it is very Kate Miller-Heidke like which is always a plus so it gets a solid 8/10.

Final score 118/180 - 65.6%

[sonotpattismith]

out of my box | just say when (chapter four)

chapter 3.

playlist | masterlist

song inspo for chapter: my boy only breaks his favorite toys by taylor swift

warnings: this story contains explicit mentions of depression and suicide. if these are topic that are triggering for you, please refrain from reading. I will be putting a warning on the chapters that may be particularly triggering. please enjoy otherwise xo <3

There were rules, of course. After all, they were responsible, right? This wasn’t just some fever dream, rebellious escapade they happened to be pulling off together in joint retaliation of their shared parental figure. Right? No, of course not. They had a plan, one they each had been conjuring up in the privacy of their own free time.

Still, the time had come, and Megumi was really right in front of her as they casually bid ado to the man they had since lovingly, albeit secretly, coined ‘public enemy number one’, who seemingly hadn’t noticed that the boy donned jeans in place of his usual joggers. If he squinted those six eyes hard enough, he would have also noticed the boy’s headphones that usually adorned his neck were instead tucked safely into the confines of his weekend bag. Maybe this would be easier to get away with than either of them presumed. 

There he was, the boy Zumi had been thinking of all week, standing with his hands shoved into his pockets, staring expectantly at her as she emerged from her room. As soon as Satoru had left, she fled into her room, excitedly mentioning that she had to get ready before they left. It made him scoff a breathy laugh, shaking his head before sitting down to wait for her, unassuming of what was awaiting him when she emerged. 

Here she was though, spinning with a giddy smile as the ends of her sun dress danced with the movement. The fitted, corset-style bodice clung to the parts of her that had since been hidden from him under her typical, loose fitting sweaters and shirts. Her shoulders, delicate and feminine in the way they glistened with remnants of the perfume she’d presumably just applied, were also a new addition of her he’d just discovered, and they made his lips part just a centimeter. The white, floral accented dress stopped just above her knees, a signal for his eyes to drag right back up to meet her now anxious gaze. 

She picked unsurely at her fingernails, suddenly feeling small under his intense scrutiny. It was a dress she’d only had the opportunity to wear once before to a birthday dinner Satoru had taken her to. 

If only she knew the wind had been knocked out of him, and he was trying to catch up with his lungs before he embarrassed himself. 

“We’re just going to the movies.” He finally muttered pathetically, feeling stupidly under dressed in his casual fitting, dark wash jeans and gray sweatshirt. Selfishly, he didn’t want her to step out in that god-forsaken dress. No, because if Megumi could see how the fabric clung to the delicate curve of her hips, or how the top of her chest poked out from the bodice just enough to make him watch the area with bated breath— then surely everyone else would see it as well. “It’ll be cold.” The desperate sorcerer added just for good measure. 

“Oh.” She sounded dejected, and paired with the dramatic way her shoulders fell, he was once again scrambling to pick up the pieces of her confidence that he seemed to be an expert at carelessly knocking down. 

“Just—” he wracked his brain, trying to think this time before spewing whatever came to mind first. His nervous gaze fluttered across her pensively before he settled on the fact that he couldn’t take it back. “Take a sweater with you.” 

A small smile reappeared on her face, as if nothing could possibly sour her mood tonight. She disappeared into her room, rummaging through her closet before emerging with a black, thick knit cardigan.

“Before we leave—” They both began at the same time as they faced each other. The pair snapped their mouths shut quickly, a sheepish grin adorning Zumi’s face. Megumi nodded as if telling her to go first. A serious look suddenly befell her.

“Your friends can’t know that I’m Satoru’s sister.” She demanded with a deep breath and furrowed brows, as if she thought it may make her look more intimidating. 

Already having anticipated this, the boy pulled something from his back pocket. Her face scrunched up in question at the black beanie in his hand. 

“Put your hair up.” He demanded bluntly. A scoff fell from her lips at his brash order.

“Have any more input on my appearance, Fushiguro? Do I need to pluck my brows while I’m at it too?” 

He swatted her gently across the head with the soft beanie. 

“No, dumbass.” He grumbled lowly, making her glower as she slowly began tying her long hair into a bun. “We only know one other idiot with white hair like that. They’ll know right when they look at you. You two look too much alike, it’s creepy.”

With her hair secured in the bun, he stepped forward to pull his beanie over her head. She fought back a shiver as his fingers gently and meticulously tucked a few stray pieces of her curtain bangs under the fabric. If he noticed her sudden onslaught of nerves, he didn’t mention it, his blank face revealing nothing. Humming approvingly, his hands fell down to her shoulders as he gave her a quick once over. They still bore a striking resemblance, but for anyone who didn’t know, it wasn’t as obvious without the snowy hair to pair with those familiar blue eyes. 

Too caught up in the way his hand kept a firm grip on the nape of her neck as they made their way to the station, she had no chance to be worried about the concerns of her older brother. Zumi had an inkling that reassuring hand meant that nothing would touch her. 

Megumi couldn’t have been more relieved when Zumi shrugged on her cardigan upon stepping into the cool train, finally feeling as though he’d be able to focus on anything more important that night. The black knit fabric hung lazily off her right shoulder, pairing surprisingly well with her dainty, white dress. Despite this newfound clarity though, his mind still exploded into a million ‘what ifs’ as he heard an excited shout of his name. 

“Fushiguro!” Itadori hollered out in spite of their close proximity. Nobara quickly smacked the boy across the head for yelling in her ear. His fingers tightened subconsciously around the back of Zumi’s neck as his friend’s eyes fell upon her in question. 

What if she slipped up? What if they saw right through her? Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe—

“You must be Itadori and Kugisaki,” Zumi dove straight in with a polite, albeit giddy, bow, making his hand fall from its place. Megumi could swear that if he looked close enough that she was practically vibrating in anticipation. “Megumi’s told me so much about you.” 

The pair suddenly stole a glance at each other, barely containing their excitement as they hid their smirks behind their hands. Fushiguro suddenly looked around the ground for a shadow that could swallow him whole. If his two idiot friends had tails, he was sure they’d be wagging.

“Who—” Kugisaki attempted, but she was cut off by her own chortle as Itadori giddily introduced himself to the stranger. “Who’s your girlfriend, Fushiguro?”

“This is Zumi,” he glowered, slamming a fist into Yuji’s over-enthusiastic form as he began asking the girl in question how they met. The pink-haired boy quickly straightened up. “She's my friend from grade school.”

“Ohhh…” the pair responded in synch before Nobara chimed in with a devilish grin. “So you knew our dear little Megumi when he used to beat the—”

Quickly yanking Zumi by the elbow, Megumi made his way into the theater with his two friends following in quiet hysterics at his uncharacteristic embarrassment. “We’re gonna be late for the damn movie, idiots.”

Once inside, they waited in line at the ticket booth. Fushiguro watched with soft eyes as the girl stared gleefully up at the film options on the pinboard. Sweeping his gaze cautiously around them, he didn’t miss the way Nobara stared at her with squinted eyes in the now better lit area. 

“You look familiar…” she trailed off as her brown eyes studied each of the girl’s features carefully. 

Megumi could swear he felt his heart skip a beat for a moment, watching the exchange in suspense. His white-haired counterpart appeared cool as ever though despite his internal turmoil. Flashing a toothy grin at the red-head (which, Megumi noted, did not help at all to dispel the uncanny resemblance to their sensei), she covered smoothly. 

“I’ve been told I look like an actress from that one movie.” Snapping her fingers as she tried to recall the name, she looked to Megumi for assistance. “You know, that weird one with the worm guy?”

As if on cue, Nobara slapped a hand over Itadori’s mouth, which was armed and ready to go into a full-blown meltdown regarding said movie. He mumbled dejectedly behind her palm. Now with her attention drawn closer to him, Zumi noticed the obvious slits under his eyes. Unconsciously, she found herself leaning closer to get a better look at the strange, scar-like marks on his face. 

She suddenly remembered her brother telling her about the mysterious boy who seemed to have sprung up— one that would be the vessel for a once powerful being. Satoru typically didn’t go into too much detail when recounting the current events of the jujutsu world, not wanting to worry her unnecessarily, so she didn’t really know more than that. Still, she was able to put two and two together that something dark was hidden within this outwardly chipper boy. It made a shiver run down her spine. 

A familiar hand suddenly curled around elbow, and she looked up at Megumi who gave her a reassuring look as the vessel stepped up to buy his ticket. Leaning down, his lips brushed against her ear that was tucked securely under his beanie. “Don’t be so obvious.” He quietly reminded. 

Truthfully, Yuji did find her unwavering gaze a bit unsettling, and it showed in the way he looked curiously at her. Out of the blue, she moved her arm from Megumi’s grip to run her fingers through the startled boy’s hair.

“You’ve got pink hair!” Zumi exclaimed in wonder as if it was the first time she was noticing it that night. Yuji’s expression of apprehension soon melted away into one of bashful amusement. 

“Yeah, pretty weird, huh?” He retorted with a wide smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

They suddenly broke off into an excited conversation, each talking so fast that Fushiguro wasn’t even sure how they could understand one another, only catching bits and pieces such as, ‘so cool!’, or, ‘It’s natural!’. The aura around them was ablaze with energy from the enthusiastic pair. The raven haired boy watched silently as they walked ahead of him, seemingly in their own little world. Yuji’s spirited personality meshed perfectly with Zumi’s fiery one. It was surprising that he hadn’t caught on to the similarities between her and his beloved mentor. Megumi chalked up the churning in his stomach upon seeing her laugh effortlessly up at his friend, who kept up with her spit-fire conversation better than his antisocial self ever could, to his concern of him figuring it out. 

“It’s a good thing you’re holding onto the drinks, Fushiguro.” Nobara quipped as she slowed to walk alongside the silent boy. Peering at her from the corner of his eye, he noted the shit-eating smirk she was failing to suppress. “If your hands were free, I’m worried you might have summoned something unpleasant to ruin the night.”

Sighing in annoyance, he followed the group into the dimly lit theater, less than impressed when Itadori quickly sank into the seat beside Zumi to continue their now hushed conversation. Settling in the other seat beside her, he tried to listen in on what they were saying. Coming as no surprise to him, they discovered that they both share the common interest of low-budget horror movies that no one else willingly pays to see. 

“Grab her hand, you idiot.” Nobara hissed from the seat beside him. His head snapped to meet her fiery gaze with a glare of his own. “You boys are so useless!”

“It’s not like that.” He growled back lowly, suddenly glad that she was too wrapped up in his friend to overhear. Even through the dark lighting, he could see the way she rolled her eyes at his response. 

“Then stop looking like someone killed your dog.” If she noticed her poor-taste joke, she didn’t show it. “And where did she even come from anyway? Is this why you haven’t been hanging out with us?”

By the grace of god, the lights dimmed fully, signaling the beginning of the movie. He used it as a fateful opportunity to ignore her interrogation. With the movie rolling loudly on the surround sound, Megumi was partially relieved that he didn’t have to listen to Itadori charm Zumi endlessly with his mindless rambling. Still, he could hardly focus on the surprisingly intriguing plot, for each time he would see them lean in to each other to whisper and giggle and gasp at the scenes before them, he felt his mind fog more and more. 

Had she just been putting up with his reserved personality all this time because he was the only one around? After all, he could hardly blame her for being swooned by the pink-haired boy; what with his every present, boyish grin and seemingly effortless humor when, half the time, he wasn’t even trying to be funny at all. No, it just radiated from him. It was a trait that Megumi always admired from afar, never allowing himself to show how endearing he actually found his carefree personality in contrast to the gloom that typically followed their lifestyles. He wanted to be grateful that Zumi was able to experience it too, but, in that dark theater, all he could feel was an inexplicable burning in his chest. 

Just before the climax of the film, Yuji popped up from his seat, whispering loudly about needing to ‘piss so bad he could explode’ as he stepped hurriedly past the seats, leaving Zumi with none other than Megumi for company. 

God, say something, say anything. 

The movie had been long since forgotten, his attention instead bouncing haphazardly from the screen to the girl beside him as his mind raced. How did Itadori do it so effortlessly? How did he know the right things to say to make her laugh at him with those glossy, star struck eyes? When he started overthinking the demeanor he’s held onto his entire life, he wasn’t quite sure. He had always been content watching from the sidelines, never needing to be the main character— not when everyone else did it better than he could. What changed? Why had his mind declared a sudden war against itself?

“Thanks for telling me to bring a sweater, Fushiguro.” Zumi whispered, interrupting his inner conflict. Her arms came up to wrap around themselves to shield herself further from the frigid air of the theater. He hummed in acknowledgement, reaching over to pull the cardigan that had drooped back over her shoulder, allowing his fingers to linger just a hair too long before returning to his crossed arms. 

“So, you’ll talk anyone’s ear off. I was starting to think I was special.” Megumi finally leaned in to whisper lowly to her.

A quiet gasp escaped her and she looked up at him with a dropped jaw, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Elbowing him gently, she shook her head indignantly.

“You know I haven’t talked to anyone else my age in months.” She defended.

“No worries, I can tell.” 

And there it was, that glittering smile lit up her face in the dim theater, but this time it was directed at him. She tried to stifle her laugh behind one fist, the other grasping his elbow as he shushed her dramatically. From his peripheral vision, he saw Itadori making his way back over to them. Like hell he was about to let the idiot bulldoze him again. As the boy in question moved to step over Megumi’s seat, he stuck his foot in the middle of the aisle, effectively tripping him backward. As he was falling back, Nobara grabbed Yuji by the belt loops of his jeans and yanked him into the chair next to her instead. 

Zumi didn’t seem to notice the quiet altercation, already having returned her attention to the film, not paying any mind to how her delicate fingers remained curled around his arm for the remainder of the movie. He tried to forget, too— tried. 

Beside him, he could hear Itadori’s dumbfounded whispering trying to figure out why he was just manhandled by his friends. In a hushed yet furious response, Nobara used some colorful words, however Megumi couldn’t make out her explanation before a drawn out ‘ohhh…’ came from the clueless Yuji. 

“Well how was I supposed to know it was like that?!”

Following the theater debacle, Fushiguro was sure their little escapade went smoothly. They’d go back to the apartment where he didn’t have to worry about them getting caught, or if he appeared horribly boring in comparison to his lively friends. Maybe they’d change into more comfortable clothes and play a game or two before she’d retreat to her room for the night with that stupid, contented smile on her face. It sounded good enough to be true. So, Megumi wasn’t sure how he ended up sat in a corner booth of an overwhelmingly crowded karaoke bar, watching in equal parts amusement and horror as Yuji and Zumi stumbled upon the stage to perform a duet. 

Well, he partially knew how he got there. They were so close to making it back to the train station when she pressed her hands and forehead eagerly to the glass door of the brightly lit bar. When she looked back at him with those wide, awestruck eyes and excited smile, he knew they wouldn’t be having an early night like he had anticipated. He shook his head silently, as if to say please don’t make me go in there. Kugisaki and Itadori, of course, didn’t help his case at all when they joined her in her longing gaze inside. 

“I’d blow all you losers out of the park.” Nobara declared with bright eyes, smiling devilishly as Zumi met her challenging gaze. 

With a heavy sigh, he had no choice but to rush in after them, trying not to lose sight of her in the sea of drunken bar goers. They miraculously found an empty booth where Zumi grabbed onto Megumi’s hands as if preparing to beg. Already anticipating where this was going, he didn’t give her a chance to ask before he deadpanned a firm ‘absolutely not’. 

“Please!” She begged dramatically, bowing her head to further her pleas. “I can’t go up by myself!”

“No way.”

“I’ll do it!” Itadori chimed in excitedly as he reappeared at the booth with drinks in his hand. Fushiguro almost opened his mouth to protest before he watched Zumi down hers in one go, mentioning something about liquid courage. He declined the drink Yuji tried to pass him. Nobara claimed she’d go up to ‘show them how it’s done’ after her drink hits her. 

Oh, yeah, that’s how he ended up here, the self-designated sober friend watching as Yuji and Zumi huddled over the song choice screen together, appearing to bicker back and forth about which to pick. It seemed they finally decided on one, both of them bowing dramatically while the drunken crowd cheered them on, and Yuji helped her up on the small, platform stage.

Even from where he sat, Megumi could see the way her cheeks and nose were flushed, likely a combination of her drink and his that she finished when he declined it as well the heat radiating off of all the people in the crowded room. If he knew one thing, it was that she sure as hell wasn’t blushing because she was shy. She just wasn’t the type. With both microphones in his hands, Itadori waited as she shed her cardigan, the heat finally catching up to her. This action earned a few low whistles from the crowd, which were mainly drowned out by the incoherent cheers, but one boy surely heard them. 

Megumi thought his throat might close up. 

“Close your mouth, Fushiguro, she’s way out of your league.” Nobara quipped as she took a swig from her drink and settled back eagerly to watch the performance. 

It seemed that the two settled on some 90s pop song that had the entire bar chanting along. Their stage presence was nothing less than thoroughly entertaining, even if it was thanks to the alcohol coursing through them. It was evident by the way they clung onto one another that they were already, at the very least, a bit tipsy. 

Zumi was having the time of her life, even if Itadori was having to keep a tight arm around her shoulders, but she couldn’t tell if it was for his sake or her own. Despite the twinge of fear that struck her upon initially realizing who the boy was, his eccentric, boyish personality quickly dispelled any apprehension she may have held toward him. Truthfully, he reminded her a bit of Satoru back before he’d become a teacher. It was a point of their lives Zumi wished they could have experienced alongside one another. So, joking around and bouncing off one another’s energy was sort of like experiencing that time taken from them by their wide age gap. 

She felt her cheeks flush under the warm lighting hanging above them, but she was enjoying herself far too much to mind. Her mind wandered to Megumi and how grateful she was that he had pried her from her apprehension to come with him tonight. The blobs of people surrounding the bar began to blur as the song was coming to an end, but she still found herself searching for him. He was right where she’d left him, his brooding figure still sat in the corner booth. When she met his gaze, she stuttered a bit on the lyrics, because for the first time since she’d met him, he was actually smiling. Albeit, a small smile that he likely wasn’t even aware he was wearing, but it was present as he watched her belt her little heart out. 

At some point, that uncomfortable feeling in his chest melted away while he watched her. For a little bit, he was selfishly regretting his decision to bring her out. If they had stayed in the apartment, she could have remained a secret, a piece of normalcy only he was privy to in the midst of the sinister lifestyle they were accustomed to. Still, as she belted off-tune to this upbeat song he’d never be caught dead listening to, he couldn’t help but smile. A corner of his heart warmed at the thought that she was finally experiencing a little slice of life. 

Catching his eye, she smiled lazily at him, her blue orbs gleaming as they took in the rare sight of actual joy on Megumi Fushiguro’s face. He was brooding, and mysterious, and stubborn, and  prideful, and guarded— but he was so beautiful to her in that moment with his pensive smile and cool demeanor that she was sure was hiding something deep within him. It was the shochu, she convinced herself as Yuji had to step in to solo the final note. 

The sloppy applause and cheers of encouragement from the crowd pulled her from her haze as she looked down to Itadori who had already stepped off and was theatrically bowed with his hand held out to help her down. He was yelling in her ear, something about how cool they must have looked up there and how he knew that song was the right choice. She wasn’t listening to him though, instead working to push through the crowd to get to Megumi, who had stood up from his seat to watch her moving through the sea of people around them, Itadori trailing haphazardly beside her. 

Nobara was still clapping as the duo approached the table, and they both, once again, bowed theatrically at the praise. 

“You sounded like shit!” She announced enthusiastically over the loud drumming of the next song. Although Yuji seemed dejected at this statement, glowering in his seat as he took a small sip of his nearly empty drink, Zumi fell right into the booth beside Megumi, who steadied her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Did I sound like shit?” She questioned loudly into the boy’s ear, making him cringe away and rub his ear. The tipsy girl beside him muttered an apology. 

“I certainly don’t think you should drop out anytime soon.” 

Her boisterous laughter filled the air around him, making that small smile he had been trying to push down make a reappearance. 

“Hey!” She giggled as she reached up to grab his cheeks to face her. So close now, he could smell the alcohol on her breath. Warmth spread across his cheeks, and he only hoped she was too inebriated to notice as her eyes wandered about his face. “You’re smiling, Megumi.” 

“No, you’re just drunk.” 

“Nooo, you’re definitely cheesin’, Fushiguro!” Itadori chimed in with a gushy voice. 

“Quick, look over here!” Before he had time to react, multiple flashes of Nobara’s cell phone camera blinded him. Zumi pressed her cheek against his and flashed a toothy grin for the picture. “Gojo-Sensei is gonna get a kick out of this!” 

No other sentence could have possibly sobered her up faster. The pair quickly jumped over the table to wrangle the phone out of her hands— which proved to be difficult with the death grip she had on it. After a minute of back and forth, vicious shouts across the booth that had onlookers concerned, Megumi was able to hold her arms down as Zumi snatched the phone from her fingers. Breathing heavily, she quickly deleted the photo— not before sending it to herself though.

“Hey, what gives!” The red haired snapped once Fushiguro released her from his grip. “What happened to girls sticking together, huh?”

“Sorry,” Zumi said sheepishly as she slid the phone back over to her. Beside her, Megumi slumped back into his seat with a quiet sigh of relief. Under the table, she swiped her phone unlocked upon feeling it buzz, smiling softly at the sight of the photo that filled her screen. The offensive light from the flash in contrast with the dark atmosphere of the bar emphasized his flushed cheekbones, making him appear less intimidating than usual. His lips had been slightly smushed together, but the ghost of his smile was still present. Zumi noted that although she looked directly at the camera, his eyes were cast to the side where her face had pressed against his. Her stomach fluttered as she quickly locked her phone once again, shaking her head to look up at the trio with a smirk. “God knows what will happen if the world finds out Fushiguro has a soul.”

In the end, Nobara was right. She really did blow Itadori and Zumi out of the park with her solo performance. They roared from their little corner of the bar till their voices were raw. After a drink or two more, Megumi decided to be the one to announce their departure, given he had already had to stop Zumi three different times from ripping the beanie off her head so she could ‘hear and appreciate the artists better’. By artists, she of course meant her fellow, shit-faced karaoke contestants. 

They departed from the trio shortly thereafter, but not before they dramatically clung onto each other with overly-tragic goodbyes. Zumi grabbed onto Nobara’s face, and Fushiguro swore he saw tears in her eyes as she told the red head how beautiful her makeup looked and that she would have to show her how to do it one day. He had to pry her off of Itadori’s chest as they thanked each other for their performances. 

“You’re going to be miserable when you wake up.” Megumi announced as she sprinted into the apartment, making a beeline for the restroom while singing ‘gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee’. Shaking his head in exasperation, he turned to the kitchen to fill a glass with water and search for painkillers that may be of use in the morning. Finally pulling open a cabinet with a few medication bottles behind it, he began rummaging through before finding what he was looking for. He cursed quietly as a few bottles came tumbling out onto the counter, clacking obnoxiously against the marble. As he began placing them back, his hands paused on one in particular. Rotating it in his palm, it was different from the rest in that it was the only prescription bottle in there— and it had Zumi’s name printed in bold across it. 

          DULOXETINE

Peering behind him at the still closed bathroom door, he pulled his phone out to quickly type up the name, blinking down a few times at the search results.

Effective in treating symptoms of clinical depression, drug class SSRI—

Hearing the bathroom door open behind him, he gave it one last glance before quickly placing it back with the other bottles on the shelf and sliding his phone back into his pocket. 

Her hurried footsteps across the apartment startled him a bit as he gathered the water and painkillers. Turning around, he found that she wasn’t there, and the balcony door was wide open. Sighing softly, he made his way outside to find her sprawled out on one of the yoga mats, staring up at the sky with a dumb smile. She craned her head to the side to look up at him. 

“Come sit with me.” Zumi demanded, patting the mat next to her. 

Already kneeling down to join her, he began negotiating, “If I do, will you drink some water?”

Without a word, she snatched the glass out of his hands and took three big gulps. Leaning back on his elbows, he watched as she took in a dramatic gulp of air and set the now empty cup down beside her. A wide smile was shot his way as if to say ‘all done’. 

She still had that dress on, the one that had been wreaking havoc in his mind all night. It wasn’t plausible, he thought, how a little piece of fabric could have made his years of calm and collected demeanor shatter with one sway of its floral printed skirt. He reached up to pull the beanie off her head that was already slipping off, allowing the hair that had fallen from her loose bun to cascade around her face. 

“What are you thinking about?” Zumi asked, laying her head back down while maintaining eye contact. 

“Thinking about how much you’re going to hate yourself in the morning.” 

“Stop doing that.” She insisted with furrowed brows, shoving at his shoulder. 

“Doing what?” Megumi shifted on his elbows to face her better, wondering what could possibly be irritating her when she’s practically in another world at the moment. 

“Making everything about everyone else so no one has the chance to make it about you.”

A silence fell over them as she glared halfheartedly at him. It irritated him how strong her ability was to crawl under his skin. What was she trying to say? There wasn’t any point that he saw to bleed himself out for others. He had gone so far in his life without needing a shoulder to cry on or a willing ear to listen to him drone on about his struggles, ones that little to know one would even understand the complexities of. When she asked him what he was thinking, what would have been the point to tell her that she was driving his every thought to the brink of exhaustion. The overthinking, the prying, the longing. What would that have done? He was always better off allowing anyone else to take the ticket to his pity party off his hands. He’d figure it out on his own— he always had.

In fact, he’d never had to talk about himself before. No, when he was young he spoke with his fists. When that no longer served him, he allowed his moral judgements to speak for him. Would he even know how? How would he pick out each feeling and its attributing cause and turn his internal rambling and riddles into soliloquies that could be understood by anyone not in his gloomy mind? Would they understand if he made it about himself? 

“Just give me one.” Zumi compromised, leaning her cheek against her arm and closing her eyes tiredly. “One singular thought from the brain of Megumi.” 

He watched her fall into a drunken slumber, pondering her request. There was so much about her he didn’t know— so many questions he had for her. It infuriated him how shrouded in secrecy her and Gojo kept their lives. Still, he had yet to reveal anything on his own volition either. 

“I—” He tried to begin, but his words got caught in his throat as he saw the soft rise and fall of her chest. 

“I’m listening.”

“I thought…” Her bright eyes peaked open to look at him, only making his impromptu confession that much more difficult. A thick gulp forced its way down his throat. His mind wandered back to the antidepressants he’d found in the kitchen, and how he would have never guessed that the lively girl in front of him was struggling so much, yet still had the nerve to ask him what was going on in his head. “I thought about how happy you looked tonight, and… how I always want you to look like that.”

For a moment, she appeared shocked. Bloodshot eyes wide and unwavering. After a minute though, she sat up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her face burrowing into his neck. His arms remained awkwardly stiff below him, unsure of how to respond to the sudden display of affection, but her arms tightened around his neck as if to encourage him. Slowly lowering his back against the mat, he hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

Zumi thought back to the story her brother told her about the little boy whose parents abandoned him. She thought about what it must have taught him about love if he believed his only worth to those meant to love him unconditionally was as a weapon— a pawn. The thoughts poured in, breaking through even her inebriated state. When was the last time a hand had reached out to him that didn’t mean him harm? That didn’t have other intentions than to simply show him the warmth every human needed— craved?

Suddenly, his meek, unsure arm placed haphazardly across her back was enough for her.

chapter five.