#sadge i hope not

[nccoy]

Personal shader project

I've been really struggling with motivation over the summer. When the uni year finished I really wanted to spend a lot of time over the summer working on personal projects and exploring what I really want to do in years 2 and 3 and beyond.

But it's now July and I haven't done anything. So I've been trying to figure out what it was that was stopping me and I kind of realised it was actually something very simple. Trying to start a project with no plan feels like staring at an insurmountable wall, where the only thing you can see is the top and the rest, the lower steps that get you there are clouded and misty.

So I've set up a plan, and I've decided to document my project. I don't really have any followers I know personally so this feels like a safe space to explore my projects in a private-public format.

So first off I did something I've never actually done before, and usually scoffed at in the past. I made a calendar of my availability.

I have a pretty awkward work schedule that changes every week because I balance two jobs at the moment. It gets even more hectic when it's actually term time so I think this summer could be good practice for next term starting, since last term I really struggled balancing it all and suffered with burnout a couple of time through the year.

I've set a limit for myself that I will not do work after 18:00. I think it's going to be healthy to get a decent amount of time to decompress after each day.

After this I decided to try using a Gantt chart for the project.

I'd used Gantt charts before in my first round at uni but I basically just ignored them after week 1 lol. I'm really hoping that this time round I'll actually stick to it a little more.

So the plan is for the project to be a 6 week(ish) project, with the deadline I'm setting for myself being Sunday 13th August. However, this is fairly flexible. It's just a personal deadline so there's no real reason for me to stress myself out by trying to finish before this time.

However, if I can complete the project in this time, it means I will have enough time to have a 1 week break and then fit in another 6 week project before uni starts back up again at the end of September/beginning of October.

As for the project itself, it's something I'm really excited to be doing! I'm going to be exploring shader creation in Unreal engine. I've actually never used Unreal before, and never created a shader, so the learning curve is going to be steep if I want to create something of a standard of quality I can be proud of, within the time I've set for myself. But I'm really keen to learn. On a personal note, I'm sick of wasting the precious little time I have to be alive on scrolling twitter, instagram, tiktok, watching YT videos I'm only vaguely insterested in, playing games I'm completely bored of... so I'm very eager to spend my time doing something that's actually going to expand my knowledge.

Time to actually put my autism to work instead of squandering the gift lol.

[twildflower]

[archersartcorner]

I think the Bad Kids deserve to cry a lil. As a treat. IT’S CATHARTIC!!!!!!!!!!!

[employee052]

sorry for the lack of activity today! me and @mrthenarrator went to our first ever convention!!!!

i got a hat, some keychains and some stickers. while he got some elf ears, a new leather bag, a custom real life bag of holding, and his first ever d20! (we both got one they were on sale for 2 dollars each but they are our first so were hyped either way!!!)

also. Narry was totally composed the entire time it was amazing /sar /lh /aff

[deus-ex-mona]

real talk: lxl should continue to explore romance fantasy concepts in their songs. it’s clearly working for them~

[dailydemonspotlight]

Will you do Beelzebub? One of my all-time favorite demons!

Beelzebub - Day 50!!!

Race: Tyrant

Alignment: Dark-Chaos

June 7th, 2024

This was a long time coming. I mean, come on, he's literally in my header! Beelzebub and SMT go hand in creepy pincer, the lord of flies appearing in nearly every Megaten game to date and having major roles in several, including an infamous boss fight in Nocturne. While not the king of demons, Beelzebub is among the most powerful, often contending with Satan himself! Today's Demon of the Day needs no introduction- the Demon of Gluttony, Lord of the Flies, Beelzebub. One of the most prevalent and powerful demons in demonology, this diseased despot represents not only a bastardization of Baal but also insects, envy, and excess, all of which make the lord of the flies a powerful figure in demonic circles. Without any further ado, let's dig in!

Satan almighty, where do I even begin with Beelzebub? As one of the many Kings of Hell, the amount of lore in Beelzebub's story paints a fascinating picture of not only the demon itself, but also Christianity, demonology, and how religious concepts change and are passed from area to area over time, corrupting into different forms to fit differing agendas. I guess, to start, we should look into the earliest ever mention of the Lord of the Flies, an offhand comment in the Books of Kings, a pair of books in the old testament that serve as a bedrock to the history of ancient Israel. In one of these books, King Ahaziah of the Northern Kingdom of Israel had been hurt. Bad.

After a severe injury from a fall, he sent several of his messengers to inquire about the god of a nearby kingdom, Ekron, a city ruled by the Philistines. This god, of course, was none other than Beelzebub, given the epithet 'Baʿal-zəvuv.' Terrified for his life, the king sent his people to ask that god as to if he would recover... which made a wandering prophet, Elijah, rather furious. After an angel of God visited the prophet, basically calling the king an idiot for not recognizing the fact that Israel is the holy ground for the big man upstairs, Elijah went to visit the king and delivered the message that he would die before the servants sent to inquire about Baʿal-zəvuv could return. Unsurprisingly, the king ended up dying after putting his faith in a false prophet.

This tale has several aspects to it which are curious- if you'll remember our Baal DDS, Beelzebub effectively takes the role of Baal in one of the stories outlined, wherein the faith of a man is tested against a god of another religion. Combine that with the fact that Beelzebub's name in this tale, Baʿal-zəvuv, quite literally has the term Ba'al in it, and it becomes somewhat suspect- it can easily be intuited that Beelzebub was, in effect, a different name or interpretation of Baal. This theory is confirmed later on in the text, however- the name for Beelzebub given also has a translation, roughly meaning "Lord of [the] Flies," and an earlier text by a cult which worshipped Ba'al also states that he was capable of summoning flies to cause illness. Curious! Another theory as to Baʿal-zəvuv's name actually originates as a pun- some people speculate that the deity's original name to this hitherto unmentioned cult of Philistines could have been "Baʿal zəvul," a name translating roughly to 'Lord of the Heavenly Dwelling.' Possibly after a bit of transliteration and puns, that name could've been shifted derogatorily into being Baʿal-zəvuv. It would explain why the term is so specific, as it could've originated as a pun and a twist on Ba'al's powers according to Canaanite myth, but this is debated somewhat.

Nomenclature aside, however, there's still more to this demon- while Beelzebub is believed to be based on Ba'al, it quickly spun off into its own figure in the Testament of Solomon, a non-canonical book related to the story of King Solomon, the first demon summoner. Yep, it's Solomon again! Almost every capital-D-Demon has something to do with his majesty, given that most of them originate from texts regarding him. And yet he still hasn't appeared in the SMT series. Cowards. Appearing again, though with a different name this time, far closer to the now common reading, Beelzebul appears as a demonic prince representing the planet Venus. However, another knot is thrown into this tale as, this time, Beelzebub is synonymous with Lucifer! The things Beelzebul is described as doing are things that, in almost any other Christian text, would have been done by Lucifer- whether it be through depositing despots into positions of power or inciting demonic worship, the text describes Beelzebul as being one and the same with the Prince of Hell.

While this is the origin of the common conflation of Lucifer and Beelzebub, we need to jump forward a bit more to get the canonical texts related to this buzzing bastard- Beelzebub is one of the very few Demons actually mentioned in the Bible by name. Appearing first in Mark 3:22, a group of scribes accuse our boy Jeezy-C of using the power of Beelzebul to drive out demons. In future expansions of the text, he is also brought up in several Matthew verses. To quote Matthew 12:25-28,

Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand. If Satan drives out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then can his kingdom stand? And if I drive out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your people drive them out? So then, they will be your judges. But if I drive out demons by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God has come upon you."

Yes, I am reciting scripture, but look, it comes with the territory. While in the original translation, Beelzebub is referred to as Beelzebul, later translations take a few liberties; in the Syriac translation, per instance, Beelzeboul is the new name. This fly has way too many names. Jesus Christ. While this translation mistake was repeated in the King James version of the Bible, most current day translations simply refer to Beelzebub as, well, Beelzebub. Thank god. Or Satan. Or King James. In everyone's favorite first apocalypse story, the New Testament, Beelzebub finally makes a formal debut! I told you there was a lot to dig into with this guy.

Beelzebub finally appears, not in the form of an Ekronite god nor an offhand mention, as the Prince of Demons, appearing in the place of the Devil. Yes, again. This is getting frustrating. In older texts, from what I can tell, this was never truly the case- the melding together of the King of the Flies and the King of Hell was a later addition by the authors of the New Testament, who were probably just having a laugh at future demonologists. As mentioned earlier, Beelzebub was mentioned as simply a powerful demon by some scribes who were cussing out Jesus, so this sudden ascension to the throne is... strange. Thankfully for my purposes, this role of his is hotly debated, but it's still frustrating that I can't trace his later characterization to any one source!

Finally, though, we have a point of reference. At long, long last. A 16th century occultist named Johann Weyer. As given in the book 'The Devil in Legend and Literature' by Rudwin Maximilian, a set of stories written by Weyer describe Beelzebub as the chief lieutenant of Lucifer's forces, having led a secondary revolution against Heaven and later retreating to Hell to follow after Lucifer's orders. This would only be a prelude to the main star story, however- none other than Paradise Lost. As described in the infamous epic, Beelzebub, finally, gets a solid role outside of being a stand-in for Lucifer or a bastardization of Ba'al- yes, we finally get Beelzebub being a King of Hell in a text! Described as being only beaten out by Satan himself in terms of strength, Beelzebub was part of the Unholy Trinity, consisting of it, Lucifer, and Astaroth. (No Malphas, unfortunately. Gary had to sit this one out.)

In Paradise Lost, Beelzebub is an incredibly powerful and influential character who serves as a driving force for the invasion of the Human world. As Satan's closest ally and proxy, Beelzebub also is representative of the deadly sin of Envy in the story. As an observation by Bradley J. Irish states, there are obvious connections drawn between Beelzebub and envy throughout the poem, and though the main focus of envy is on Satan throughout, Beelzebub himself serves an important role in going into and speaking about envy. However, this leads into a big point of contention with Beelzebub as a whole- what deadly sin he even represents.

In the book 'The Lanterne of Light' by an anonymous Lollard, a classification of the princes of hell is given, attributing Beelzebub to Envy. This book, notably, was released before Paradise Lost, which likely influenced Milton's writing of the story. However, Sébastien Michaelis, yet another demonic scholar (and one maybe familiar if you read the Asmodeus episode) described him as representative of the deadly sin of Pride. Yay! Pride Month, headed by this oversized fruit fly! However, yet again, another person argued for Beelzebub being a different sin- Peter Binsfeld's 1589 'Treatise on Confessions by Evildoers and Witches' describes Beelzebub as the demon of gluttony, and lastly, at least according to Wikipedia, another Demonologist purported that he represented idolatry.

Later on in history, once Beelzebub was a bit more solidified as a demon outside of Satan's reign, he got up to a lot of mischief- during the Salem Witch Trials, he was typically and repeatedly used as the demon possessing or being used by several of the accused witches. Nowadays, however, Beelzebub reached his biggest height not even through his own name, but rather his epithet- the infamous book by William Golding, the Lord of the Flies, which invoked Beelzebub's name in the title. In the story, which is a tale going into the inherently destructive nature of humanity, the Lord of the Flies is invoked as a false religious figure a group of kids begin to worship, being a decapitated and rotting pig's head representing the gluttony of humanity. Admittedly, I haven't read Lord of the Flies yet, but the story and its general themes had a lot to do with shaping the cultural consciousness surrounding Beelzebub.

Which, well... what is that? The common consensus on Beelzebub is that of him being the King of Gluttony, second only to Satan in terms of power- combining several themes and ideas from the past into one composite figure, Beelzebub himself.

Generally, Beelzebub seems to be primarily based on a composite mixture of his appearance in Paradise Lost, the studies of several demonologists, and the ideas presented in Lord of the Flies, shaping this marvelous menace into what we see him as today. Or he can also just be Satan again... but that's boringggg.... However, in terms of culture, SMT takes notes. A lot of notes. So how is Beelzebub represented in the series?

Perfectly. Beelzebub is iconic, and it's not hard to see why- his design is menacing, conveys his role as Lord of the Flies extremely well, and is frankly as badass as someone can make a fly look. The scepter and the necklace of skulls make him look terrifying, especially given how imposing he tends to be in gameplay- Beelzebub is, historically, one of the most powerful demons in the series, making perfect sense given his role as the right hand man of Satan himself. I cannot stress enough how much I utterly adore this design and how it manages to mix the idea of a fly into something twisted, demonic, terrifying, and badass. Even his human disguise looks cool to me, even though it's a bit bland in comparison to the masterpiece that is his fruit fly design.

I can't find much reason why he has a human disguise, but it's likely just due to the fact that a demonic prince like himself would need to hide away. If anyone has an exact reason why, though, please tell me!

One also can't mention Beelzebub without bringing up his boss fight in Nocturne, one of the most challenging and fun slugfests in the game. With his signature skill instantly killing any demon who isn't immune to dark, massive healthpool, and insane bursts of damage, Beelzebub makes for a formidable foe if there ever was one- and besides, even if Metatron is more difficult, Beelzebub's boss theme goes way harder than Metatron's own, so he wins in that department as well. The battle is important narratively as well, due to it being the final test of Lucifer's to see if you're truly worthy of becoming his demonic general- it shows a lot of trust in Beelzebub that Lucifer would send out the fly to battle the Demi-Fiend.

Overall, though, Beelzebub is a demon of many names, many titles, and many fans, and it's easy to see why. Both fascinating historically and in the series itself, Beelzebub may be one of the best demons in the whole series, period. Now, with that over with... where did I put that bottle of bug spray?

Oh, there it is. Sorry, Beelzebub.

[justanechoflower]

She pets the flower as he hugs her, smiling at his attempt at comfort.

The tears disappear now. Mostly because she made them to.

"..Thanks, Flowey." She says softly.

It's better that the flower boy doesn't know. He doesn't need to. and also

YAYAYAYA HUGSSSSSSSS-

Flowey: You all seriously have a problem.

[udon-udon]

You ever afraid that you flirted too hard with someone and you scared them away?

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

[silverlininghills]

okay but why only josh in the top listeners message?????

[reticent-fate]

part 13/26ish

stupid late at night is always the best time for you to send voice notes to your friend

i can't imagine it would be fun having tech act up around you any time you have a flare up. imagine not being able to read fanfiction when you feel like wet garbo. scary.

from the beginning

[harapeveco]

I think it was supposed to be either a surprise or or to have a premier timer but he’s actually a dumbass (affectionate) and posted the whole thing instead so he had to make it private go king

[shutupandkrisme]

since i mentioned my art earlier... have a couple of things i did in the heat of my genshin days 🤡

Ganyu & Abyss Lumine

[deus-ex-mona]

i never moved on from this tbh

[rvby]

do you see? by the stars...

i remember... i know, it's so rare for us to remember anything nowadays. but the stars...

`sometimes it's just nice to look up and watch them. bright stars against a dark, moonless night. filling the sky to the point where it doesn't seem so dark anymore, does it.`

she was still learning english. `a pause.` we had to teach her, when we first took her in. it was a lot of motioning to get points across back then. we figured... just enough to get by.

`a small laugh.` you know, soldiers aren't great role models. it wasn't long before she was swearing like it was normal to say. i guess it was, for us. trying to tell her not to swear was its own challenge. she didn't get it. it was all just words to her.

so i tried to get her things to study in her off time. requesting supplies for her while she was out there with me. she was always bright. caught onto things real quick.

she would- `he almost stutters it out, as if shy. sheepish.` she would- i wasn't all that good at it. the whole teaching thing. never went to school myself. took some lessons eventually but... you know, i- `he opts to sit up now.` i'm not all that smart. so it'd become a group thing for the whole unit. helping her out. answering questions. they all loved her. if they didn't, i'd've killed 'em, but, `well. he can neither confirm nor deny if he has. memory loss is funny like that.`

`he waves his hand dismissively.` and i'd try to listen. we'd- `he shakes his head.` yeah. i'd try to listen. learn something. `he looks down at the snow.` not that i'd remember much of that either.

but there was one thing. and i remember this because she took us outside one night, when i wasn't sleeping and she- we'd try to sleep, because she needed to, and she always had a hard time sleeping without us around. but both of us that night, we couldn't sleep at all.

so she took us outside with one of the books we'd gotten for her and she sat us down. she sat us down, and instead of reading out of it like she liked to do with all her other books, she started pointing up at the stars.

there was... we knew some things. but when she started, `he smiles, amused in equal parts at the memory itself.` we had no idea what she was talking about. she'd point at one star and then another and she'd tell us to connect them but none of it made any sense to me. because what we knew was different.

and we'd- it was hard not to want to correct her. half of the ones she mentioned weren't ones we ever paid attention to. because we didn't need to. and i'll tell you, it took us... she had to have been doing that for a while. just pointing at stars and naming them before we realized there wasn't a point to it at all. we didn't get that at first. she didn't usually read things like that. things she couldn't learn or study from. there wasn't a point to it. she just wanted to show me what the book said was up there. and the book said it all for fun.

by then, we were... she really wanted to push the limits of what we could get for her. she was- she's a genius, you know. you'd think it, watching her read everything and learn it front to back and repeat it back like she knew what it was all about. i sure didn't, and most of us didn't, so it was something impressive from a kid who was learning everything on the fly.

she must've been working hard on it too. like she knew even then that she had to learn everything she could if she wanted to make it out of there. makes sense she'd end up in health and all that.

but this- this didn't have to do with any of that. it was just... nonsense. we didn't get that. names and stories. she never liked make-believe growing up. all the things other kids her age should read, she didn't care about. but this was different, i think. because it was real too. she could point at it and it'd be out there, even if all the stuff connecting it wasn't real.

i don't, no i don't remember any of the things she was telling me. we were all worked up about how learning the wrong things could get her killed and trying to figure out what she was talking about and arguing about it. not- you know. with us. she just kept on reading while we watched. and when she got tired of looking up she laid back on the dirt and pulled us back down with her. so we were laying on the ground while she kept going, squinting at the pictures and words in her little book in the dark while pointing at the stars she could connect.

i think the only thing that stuck out, though. which i remember because it was the only sense she made, was connecting two of the stars she saw up there. `and he points to them, where they're at in the sky.` and then she called them spoons. i thought she was crazy, but if you look, you can see 'em. right up there all the time. spoons. `he traces the constellations, connecting them at the ends of their handles.`

and i mean, i laughed. i did. because whoever came up with the spoons must have been even crazier. but i couldn't look at them afterward without thinking about the spoons and finding them. it'd- `he stops himself. shakes his head again.` yeah. spoons.

`he lies back down, now, his story having been told.` i don't even know if she remembers. i don't think she's needed to. you know, after school and everything. but she was a tough kid. she's always been. i just wish she could have had more of that. `a sigh.` more time to get to think about nonsense things and not have to worry about learning everything there is to know. but i don't know if she would've liked that either. that's just the kind of kid she is. was.

...all grown up now. time really does fly. `he turns to shove his helmet in the body of the husky he'd been talking to all this time. careful, as always, aware acutely of the cold metal, but the dog hardly seems to care. it just rolls over happily in its late night laziness.` all grown up and taking care of herself. `he's accepted for himself by now that she wasn't getting out of the war industry, having made her choice to get into it herself, but he can still wish, in the quiet hours that he's left to wonder how she's doing all the way across the country. he's left her countless times for work, but suddenly, the space between feels different. it's hard, being on the other side of it. he groans into the dog's fur. maybe it'll stop being his problem in the morning. maybe. hopefully. it'd better. god, it'd better.`

[house-of-the-lustrous]

love it when I've got a spare moment to just grab my tablet and draw whatever