#sad? antibiotics

[creechur-docx]

being sick away from home is proof that there is no kind god watching over us because tell me why i have to spend hours hunched over my laptop eating what cant even charitably be described as food all while my stomach is trying its absolute best to become non euclidean

[emeryhall]

Thank you to @bookish-bogwitch and @monbons for the tags! And thank you to everyone who tagged me on Sunday.

The last few chapters of Only Creatures are beasts. BEASTS! And I can only complete one a week if all of the stars align. The stars did not align for chapter 11. Instead, I was bitten by a dog on my run Friday. Plus side, if Simon is bitten in this fic, I now have descriptors at the ready and a new appreciation of puncture wounds.

Point being, chapter 11 will come out NEXT week, and, in the meantime, here is an excerpt:

I sit at a small round table in my hotel room, legs propped next to a notebook on its surface, tapping a pencil against my teeth. I feel full of words again. It’s just, the words are different now.  With the curtains peeled back, I can see the black, cut paper silhouette of the mountain where Simon and I kissed. It cups the city in its palm, and the words turn gold and bronze. They’re the color of Simon’s skin and hair. They’re the pattern of his moles and the curve of his curls. They’re red and ropey, pointy and spiked. They’re the sun through his wings, the nondescript blue of his eyes, his heat, his smell, the rough, slick stick of him against me. They’re all the facets of my heart: the smooth tissue, the moving muscle, the sharp edges, the heavy stone, the areas prickly and protected, coarse as sandpaper, the spots where I’ve melted like a red lollipop beneath Simon’s tongue.  From somewhere deep in the bowels of the hotel, a jack hammer rattles through the walls and I thunk the front legs of my chair back to the ground. The Bellagio is a fucking terrible place to write poetry.

Tags and hellos below!

@you-remind-me-of-the-babe @cutestkilla @artsyunderstudy @thewholelemon @raenestee

@mooncello @nightimedreamersworld @larkral @rimeswithpurple @shrekgogurt

@supercutedinosaurs @orange-peony @alexalexinii @facewithoutheart @best--dress

@noblecorgi @messofthejess @hushed-chorus @aristocratic-otter @roomwithanopenfire

@iamamythologicalcreature @fiend-for-culture

[puppybong]

i need to fall asleep next to somebody while they stay awake doing their own thang

[subparcarrion]

I'm sick rn, fucking sucks. It's pneumonia tho, and my blood oxygen levels aren't ideal. So I am very silly rn.

[gin-juice-tonic]

sorry gang i just havent been up to drawing lately

[blackwaxidol]

Uncomfortable infection.

[acethos]

sometimes in this life. it’s just you and your mild medication-induced nausea. against the world

[honkceasar]

I am horrifically ill and can’t even draw currently, so ive been getting big into jrwi as it’s something I can actually do BUT NOW I WANT TO DRAW JRWI CHARACTERS AND I CANT!!!!! I JUST WANT TO DRAW GILLION TIDESTRIDER’S KIND EYES!!!!!!

(He might not have kind eyes actually he might have fish eyes I really do not remember his character description)

(I can’t even look at fanart to figure it out because I don’t want to get spoiled)

Anyways I am on episode 35 and having a good time

[mobtism]

god i am just so thankful im going out w/ my coworkers tomorrow. i think i'd lose it otherwise

[hatake]

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[zouisexo]

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[petitgalaxy]

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[xycuro-illuminati]

My mother asked me to buy her cigarettes the other day so I think, to return the favor, she should buy me a Warren Archangel figure. She gets a smoke break. I get a smoke break. We both win.

[thediaryofakafkaesquegirl]

November 3rd, 2024, Sunday:

Normally Sundays come with an inherited sadness, but today was a pretty calm day. I miss drinking wine, but I'm trying my best to drink less. Had an excellent and warm coffee this morning.

[addictivepsychology]

Day 61

I had a fucking panic attack earlier

The stupid medication is making my tongue feel like sandpaper and I can feel every movement against my throat

And I’ve been peeing a lot

Like 12 times today

And I’m starving like all day

I guess I’m dehydrated

It’s so fucking scary and annoying

I’m on my last fucking dose in the morning

Then I’m hopefully done

I just want this to all go away

I instantly calmed down when I got into my room and stared at my unfinished painting

I’ll paint and sing and be calm

And I haven’t really thought about the scary symptoms

Two advice nurse phone calls and a lot of annoying texts to the besties later

And I’m calm

Things in the world are okay again

I just wish I had someone to turn to

To actually turn to

Someone’s bed to get into to calm my anxiety

Someone to rub my head and say it’ll be okay

But for now I have myself

I’ve thought about everyone and everything as I’ve calmed down

I don’t know what I want my life to look like

Ever

I don’t know what kind of connection I want or life I want to live or where I want to be

I just want feelings and distractions

But my clock isn’t turning around

And my skin is only coming loose

California 30 is something else

I can’t wait to sleep and be away from here

From everywhere really

Sometimes I think it would be easy for everything to be over

But there are so many goods

And too many desserts and Disney trips and road trips and sunsets and beaches and love

I have so much love, too much

Who is it for

I wish I knew who I’d end up with

I just want to cook and drink and sing so loud

That you would love me through it all

I want to cry and sleep and sob

And you would still love me through it

But i don’t know why we would want to keep people who wouldn’t love us through it, but we are scared to show and be vulnerable

For the fear of loss

Of someone who would’ve never loved us anyways

I think I forgot how to paint, but it’s coming back

I can’t wait for it to be finished, there’s so many parts to it , and it’s not very good . I’ll post a picture soon.

My next trip will be coming up in a month, just hoping to find something to look forward to

The endless Monday blues

[inceledwardcullen]

Got a sinus infection once again :/

fuck them kids I work with!!!!!!