#sad in my everything
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Did I ever tell you this?
It’s been 20 years today. This was my 10 week sonogram. I never met them. I never held them. Today I s my fucking birthday and I’ve maybe drank too much, but why did it have to be my birthday? I’d love to forget one year. Just once would be a relief. The grief is horrific. It changed my very core. I miss them. I wish I had known them, raised them. I felt them. They were there. Little hearts beating and then…they were gone.
#personal photo#personal#so very very personal#me#Elliott James and Malcolm Wayne#we call it baby love#over share because I really like scotch#sad in my everything#fuck#July 19th can be an unforgiving whore.#miscarriage#never the same
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I think one of the kindest things you can do for people with various mental health struggles is just... let people back into your life after they've been absent for a while.
Making friends as an adult is so fucking hard already and isolating yourself from other people is a very common symptom of depression, anxiety, burnout, ocd, trauma, grief, etc. Which means that someone will do the hard work of recovery/healing and resurface back into a world where their previous friends have written them off because they stopped showing up.
So if you know someone where you're like "yeah we could have been better friends but they fell off the map a bit" and that person suddenly reaches out, or starts showing up to events even though you kind of forgot they were still in the group chat... well they may have been Going Through It and you don't actually have to punish them for their absence you can just be glad that they're back.
#forever grateful for friends that let me disappear for a bit because I was too sad for everything and just held space for me to come back#so I'm trying to pay it forward by holding that space for other people#my nonsense
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#does this make sense#webweave#webweaving#web weaving#web weave#like they want the type of victim who has lost everything and is just so so sad. by staying happy and living free you are rebelling.#you are winning through the power of love and acceptance my guy
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here is the life i've always longed for.....!!
#idk i just like this picture#sometimes when i'm sad i try to look at the city thru the eyes of my 13 year old self and everything becomes magical again#personal#nyc#op
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Does the grief and loneliness ever disappear?
#friendly reminder they lost everything and then some more :'(#my art#one piece#opfanart#whitebeard pirates#marco the phoenix#portgas d. ace#thatch one piece#izou one piece#one piece fanart#feeling sad abt the whitebeard crew these days. i might draw a comic eventually
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Casanova sketches!
#casanova#giacomo casanova#david tennant#my art#bbc casanova 2005#this series is SO FUN and so sad it's great#alright!! all 3 winners of last poll drawn!! I have to make a new poll#drawing him is a great form of stress relief for me rn and I have a lot of it lately#a client company ghosting without paying me after I've done and turned in everything after a million revisions and over a month of work#another company rushing me into and making me spend 400€ on travelling only to tell me they made a mistake and I could have stayed#🙃 please all I ask for is a little respect for my time and finances#anyway sorry for the rant I'm normal again#hope you enjoy these slutty Davids#tw blood
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Zelda goes mushroom girl
#tloz#a link to the past#zelda#link#my art#I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one...#I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea#I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat.#it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd#if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl......#I'm falling back into my old ways rn though#anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends#like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder#they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it#in a proper way that might make sense....#if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth#and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh
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reading up on argenti’s lore
#I lost the 50/50 the first time but THIS TIME FOR SURE HE WILL COME HOME#big fan of the hc that he originally had white hair#I hope we get an event or quest or something that tells us more abt him…#why does he have such a harrowing backstory and why does no one talk about it#actually in fact there are so many other characters who’s got a crazy ass backstory yet I see no one mentioning it ????#hanya and xueyi r big ones for me their story is so sad 😔#argenti is one of those characters that you feel like you know everything yet nothing about them at the same time#honkai star rail#argenti#hsr argenti#my art#art#digital art#fanart#illustration#procreate#sketch#haliai art#sketchier than normal cause I was trying out a new brush pack
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I‘m a burden for everyone. I’m even a burden to myself.
#tw depressing thoughts#alone with my thoughts#depressing shit#feeling alone#sad thoughts#mentally exhausted#mentally tired#sadnees#overthinking#self h@te#i dont want to be here#self h@rm#i hate everything#overthinker#tw selfhate#i am useless#im not feeling good
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trying out human things. its boring
#i actually can't think about chainsaw man too much without getting incredibly sad#specifically about them#but also everything else#csm#chainsaw man#angel devil#aki hayakawa#akiangel#out of touch#out of time#blah blah#my art#digital art#digital illustration#sketch dump
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Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!
Mentioning an unfamiliar name
yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..
I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.
#null rot#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#midori306#YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE YANDERE QUESTION MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER#uwaa and i recently checked back on their designs.. THEY HAVE LONG SLANTED EARS DUDE WHAT THE FUCKKK THATS LIKE THE CUTEST EVER#i tend to shitpost and focus on the dere than the yan but thats my mistake!! im sorry cult members.. I'll need scarousal#when calling sekdio. he pretends to ignore you but you can tell he heard you when his ear twitches#He's flabbergasted that you met someone else to begin with. who let you go out without one of them?!#hes too shocked and angry to even properly get upset!!#Karaku loves everything you have to say. less so if its positive abt someone else. still listens tho. listening carefully for details..#he doesnt mind others eyeing you. youre perfect in his eyes. who wouldnt? still.. thats not gonna fly well.#Urogi loves when you seek him out but mentioning someone else... is bc you want to feed him right? ofc! you want to benefit him!#its cause hes your favorite! yeah! youre so sweet!!! ofc he'll get rid of someone for you both!!#Aizetsu's bashful. he feels put on the spot when calling him but hes always hoping you give him affection of some kind. always ready for yo#mentioning someone else was NOT what he wanted and now hes sad.. youre making him sad.. whats so important you had to bring that up?#The thought of anyone else makes him feel so exhausted already.. wont you comfort him instead? he needs you now.. atone for your mistakes#uwaa expressions.. uwaaa aizetsu releasing some of the tension in his brows when hes feeling upset towards you uWAA#i CANT RAMBLE ENOUGH IN THE TAGS SO WAIT FOR THE POST I HAVE IN THE BACK BURNER FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO ASKED FOR SOMETHING SIMILAR!!!!!!!
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 5: Flip Slip.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 4.5)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mdzs au#Yungmang Jiang Training Arc AU#lan wangji#wei wuxian#digital art#Trying out some digital techniques to see if I can get closer to feel/style of my traditional comics.#So far the biggest difference is *colouring* Digital colouring feels...not good. I have complained about this before and I'll complain agai#Before we get into the sad stuff with Yungmeng Jiang in the PD-MDZS comics lets have some lighthearted fun!#Remember that if anything bad happens to these Jiang disciples in the canon comic - they are happy in this AU B'*)#I think one of the funniest things about the teenxian dynamic is how WWX accidently finds things that get LWJ to feel flustered.#My guy wwx goes 'I'm going to lightly bully/tease this nerd 'cause his reactions are funny.' and LWJ goes “My god. He's everything to me.”#Part two of the fun part of this dynamic is that LWJ is ever so lightly self aware enough to LOATHE THIS CRUSH.#Hence why I have been marinating on this 'Accidental Lan headband miscommunication' concept.#This is how LWJ assumes that WWX knows what the band means in this AU. This will be relevant later.#And YES! I am still going to be making comics for this AU. I have so many ideas I simply can't hold onto forever.
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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#im tryin so hard#im trying#im sad as fuck#im useless#im crying#and heartbreak image#heartbreak#depressing quotes#tw depressing stuff#depressing shit#sadcore#depressing life#sad thoughts#im tryin my best#want you back#come back to me#tell me#everything is fine#sad aesthetic#sad af#i need therapy#i need heeeeelp#life is unfair#life suuuuucks#life sukcs
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I'm feelin soft 🥲
(Please click for better quality!!)
#drag's art#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel husk#huskerdust#been a minute since I did a cute doodle of these two so ✨✨#I've done several neatly lined/coloured things in the past couple days#and it's putting me back in the 'everything Must Be Perfect' mode#so I'm forcing my hand into messier doodles again lmao 😭#w the compromise of letting myself colour. cause that's my fave part and I get sad if I can't render things for a while 💀#1k
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I want to draw. I want to paint. I want to sew. I want to quilt. I want to program. I want write. I want to decorate. I want to converse. I want to love. I want to make art. I want everything that humanity can give me. I want to swallow the world whole. I want to love.
#yearning#hopecore#love#what do i even want to do in life#i do nothing with my ability to do everything#look where its got me#a sad blog on tumblr where i pour my soul out#i hope the ones and zeros like my words#maybe theyll shed a tear for me...
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