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magireco · 4 years ago

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Would love to hear more thoughts on how these girls have understandable teenage motivations (A+ tag analysis by the way)

1. Thank you!!!!!!

2. ALRIGHT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (shuffles my papers). i’ve gone off about homura’s motivations in depth before but i think it was only in dms/groupchats? anyways i’ll go in order with All the girls bc i think about this all the time as a teenager who grew up mentally ill and had their perceptions skewed because of it, and also i don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough for the others, at least on my blog... so, buckle up!!! this is REALLY LONG!!!!

3. i tried writing like, an individual thing for every member of the quintet all together in this one ask, but i ended up talking a little too much about homura and now i’m going to split up all the different analysis stuff for each character into the reblogs and work on it every so often! you’re free to kinda skim of course because i really did write a whole novel but here we go!! read under the cut. :3 this is literally essay length btw. i did NOT expect it to get this long but if you want to read it all i’d recommend it but i don’t expect most people to

First: Homura Akemi

okay so i’m going to kind of summarize everything but from the perspective of empathizing with her so if you don’t want to reread a whole recap you can skip to the ending few paragraphs

Summary

first of all, in episode 10, homura’s past is explained for the viewer. she was a shy, unsure girl who had been bedridden for a long time. she was clearly unsocialized, not to mention she went to a catholic school and those can be brutal, esp in japan... that’s all we know about her in that episode, but it’s revealed in one of the drama cds that she was bullied as a child(& further at mitakihara middle), her parents never were mentioned ever (i assume them to either be dead or neglectful, considering she lives alone and unchecked), and in magia record, homura says to natsuki that she’s never had friends before, she hasn’t been on vacation before until the beachside bonds event, hasn’t ever celebrated valentine’s day, has never celebrated new years, etc...

clearly, she’s missed out on a lot not only because of her sickness and hospitalization, but because of her isolation as a child at school. judging by her demeanor and the way she reacts when madoka comes up to her without being asked to, something like that had never happened to her before. it’s clear to me that madoka was many of homura’s ��first’s”, her first friend, the first person who reached out to her, the first person to compliment her name honestly(validating her, disproving her dislike of her name), the first person to regard her so kindly rather than judging her based off of her appearance and demeanor (like other students had apparently done, this is also shown when the other students at mitakihara middle make fun of her for being tired after only being able to run one lap). AND, madoka (and mami, but homura knew madoka better at that time) saved her life, even though homura was so willing to die, just in that moment... i’d assume it made homura feel like someone believed in her even when she was at her worst. it’s really clear by the glimmer in her eyes that these are nice people that made her feel happy and welcome... and then walpurgisnacht came. she didn’t know much about magical girls and just believed in madoka and mami to be able to defeat the witch because she saw them as strong and saw the witch as defeatable, despite its size. and then mami died, right in front of her and madoka...

this kinda seems headcanon-y when i phrase it this way but it’s practically proven in her actions but i really think homura is scared to be abandoned, especially by someone who was as overtly kind and nonjudgemental to her as madoka... it’s in the way she cries her name and says “don’t go” before madoka runs away to fight walpurgisnacht. OH ALSO, i need to address this one thing really quick because people like to assume that homura didn’t care about mami from the beginning and only liked madoka. it’s not that she wasn’t sad when mami died, she was clearly terrified and didn’t want the same to happen to madoka, also mami LITERALLY WASN’T IN HER CLASS OR HER GRADE so i assume she spent most of her time with madoka considering they were in the same grade and class and probably shared most of their periods with each other... but also, once again, mami is older than both of them and homura probably saw her as more of a mentor/teacher that she needed to impress rather than madoka who was more on her level, i guess?

anyways, moving on... homura had to see madoka die (& experience the crushing guilt she felt for “letting madoka go” even though there was nothing she could’ve done) and literally says “i’d rather you had lived than saved someone like me” ... her self worth is below zero. she makes her wish to be strong enough to protect madoka(because she sees madoka, her first friend, who saved her life which she felt had no worth, as so strong and noble) which causes her to go back in time, etc. etc., you know the deal. okay before i move on to talk a little more abt the timelines and the personality change i’m going to address why it’s reasonable that she’d be attached to madoka.

i mentioned before that homura said herself that she had never had a friend before. just like, put yourself into her shoes for a second. this girl has no idea how to make friends; it was never taught to her. it’s literally rational that she’d get attached to her first ever friendship. it’s not “normal” the way she views madoka, but how could it be? this is her first time having a friend, she’s afraid of being abandoned by her, but she’s had to see her die over and over again anyway. she doesn’t want to lose madoka. even if she doesn’t go about it in the right way, there’s no way she would’ve actually known how to Do relationships. no one taught her. i think that needs to be empathized with more...

i kinda feel like i need to summarize all this just bc if i word it right it kinda reminds you & puts into perspective just how terrible and scary all of this was.

anyway Again, i would skip straight to the end of timeline 3 (where a New Flavor of trauma is given to homura) but i need to first address timeline 2 for a second. it was homura’s first time repeating the timeline, she trained with madoka and mami again, she was still hopeful despite what happened, etc. kinda just bonding further with madoka Again... and then it’s at the end of this timeline that she watches madoka turn into a witch, just in front of her very eyes... and realizes the true fate of magical girls. when she resets the timeline again, it’s up to her to start anew and break the truth to the group when she sees them again. when she tries telling the truth, sayaka immediately shoves this aside, claiming homura was just trying to split everyone up. it’s clear that that hurts homura. (also the little shinies in her eyes were wavering which is anime-code for sad) her feelings were immediately disregarded by sayaka and she couldn’t defend herself, but madoka did for her, and mami tried to diffuse the situation.

after they all find out homura was right when sayaka turns into a witch, mami kills kyoko and ties up homura in her ribbons and aims a gun at her, and this, rightfully, ignited a fear within homura... madoka is forced to kill mami in order to save homura, leaving only the two of them to fight together. then, when walpurgisnacht comes that time, The Promise is made... madoka tells homura to go back in time and save her from becoming a witch (because she doesn’t want to curse the world that way, she still sees beauty in it) and homura agrees, saying she’ll never stop until she saves madoka, and then... homura has to mercy kill madoka before she becomes a witch. she cries loudly and shoots madoka’s soul gem... it’s literally so heartwrenching and (usually) brings the viewer to tears, or puts something into perspective for them...

then we assume the personality change happens in the timeline right after. this personality change causes a lot of discourse because sometimes it’s seen as kind of irrational, but personally, i think even moemura had at least SOME resent for the world around her considering what she’d been through. it’s madoka’s repeated deaths that finally push her over that edge. i could get further into the coolmura arc but that’d take a WHILE, so i’ll just kind of explain something briefly though -- why homura ended up becoming even MORE focused on madoka. and i’m also going to debunk the claim that homura doesn’t care about her other friends as fast as i can before moving on.

also, ONE LAST side tangent, for those that think homura really did do a 360 degree personality turn are wrong. it’s shown explicitly in homulilly’s labyrinth that there’s this... “core” homura, a shadowy purple silhouette with braids. every time the series depicts homura’s internal self, it’s always glasses+braids, symbolizing her “child” self, who she truly is. she never stopped being that person. she doesn’t want to kill. ...but i can get into that in a rebellion analysis later! this is also shown in wraith arc bc the person inside her soul gem has glasses+braids. anyway let’s get to the next part i’m going to rant about

Homura’s Love for Madoka, but Otherwise Apathy

homura has seen many different, yet all similar, versions of her friends. the first claim i’m going to talk about which i saw brought up quite a few times before is in regards to homura and mami. first of all, homura absolutely still cares for mami, and not just in the “i only care about your life if it affects madoka’s” way. one part that always gets me is when mami ties her up in the series timeline after homura frantically warns her that this witch isn’t normal, to which mami IMMEDIATELY brushes this off, without even giving homura a chance. then, when mami’s ribbons fade away, homura looks horrified and just goes “oh no...” and it’s kind of obvious to me that it was in response to mami’s death rather than madoka’s reaction. this is arguably up for debate i guess because i’ve seen different takes on that reaction and it’s ambiguous, i guess? but i’m about to get into something extremely similar and that’s the sayaka situation, where madoka throws sayaka’s soul gem onto a moving car. homura gasps and immediately pauses time and disappears, running in literal open traffic and climbing on top of a moving car to retrieve sayaka’s soul gem. one could argue that this is ALSO only just because homura wants to save madoka (and kyoko) the fear, but don’t you think her expression would be different? if homura truly didn’t care for sayaka’s wellbeing, wouldn’t she be making an expression more similar to like, “oh, this shit again...” instead of the frantic one she was making in the scene? this kind of thing Also happens when kyoko asks homura to leave while kyoko’s about to sacrifice herself in oktavia’s labyrinth, and homura looks up sadly at kyoko and then back down at madoka, and once she knew kyoko was dead, she just quietly said “kyoko...” to herself. she usually refers to them as [last name, first name], but she dropped that during that moment... it otherwise sounds like a bare minimum thing to do, but keep in mind the timeline we’re shown in the series is implied to be like, the 110th timeline, i think? like, this is the last timeline, she’s worn down, but she still does have empathy -- or at least sympathy -- for the others. she still loves them.

homura promised to be madoka’s protector, she dedicated her life to her, and also she doesn’t have a choice not to dedicate her life to her anymore, even though that’s not fair to her... homura is in a really hopeless situation and madoka is her hope, and madoka is the one that judges her the least out of the quintet (like saying “i’m sure homura is good” to herself) upon first impression. also okay i mentioned this already in my last post (which you saw) but i’m going to bring it up one more time, homura is not mentally 26!!!!!! she is still 14 mentally!! in order to be 26, you have to have experienced 26 years of new life experience. maybe you acquire that through school, maybe you aquire that through friends, whatever it takes. but homura just repeated the same month over and over, and it’s not like her body (canonically) ages ever. she just kind of gets transported back into her body in the hospital again considering she’s back wearing her braids and pajamas... so, yeah. no mental development there. i also mentioned this here but i’m gonna say it again, that just makes it even harder for her to actually age correctly... it stunts her to 14. imagine being 14 for 10-11 years...

In Defense Of My Own Claims

btw before you think i’m just going full-on radical homura apologist, i’m not explaining all of this to be like “homura made ALL THE RIGHT DECISIONS because her trauma gave her an excuse!!” because like, Obviously, she did a lot of bad things, she killed people, did a lot of callous things, a lot of thoughtless things, a lot of things that make her seem emotionless, etc. but i just have trouble blaming her considering how things ended up, and it’s not like she enjoys killing people. she’s not sadistic... she ends up becoming short with all the others not only because of her (extremely) weakened trust in them, but also because the amount of times she repeated the timeline. i’d imagine it makes her feel like the others can’t truly die because she can just go back and see them again. (this is also why wraith arc/post-tv series must’ve been hard for her because she can no longer turn back time, things are permanent now, deaths are forever) she’s become so worn down that she’ll do anything to escape the loops... also considering she has no choice but to continue? although it shouldn’t be, it’s technically her job as a magical girl to defeat all witches and walpurgisnacht counts. it kills magical girls and tears up the whole city and she’s usually the only magical girl left... her choices, when defeated, are either to give up and die or to go back and try again, and she made a promise to her first ever friend to do just the latter... i just don’t understand how this isn’t easier for people to comprehend, that all of this trauma and stress and responsibility on top of an already traumatized 14 year old does not mix well. ever. she had to figure out all of this by herself.

TL;DR:

homura was a previously traumatized, unsocialized 14 year old with (very)low self esteem & self worth whose first friend (and first love, really, let’s be honest) died in front of her in horrific ways and she watched as she (and the other friends she came to make) drifted slowly apart from her in her endless and futile attempt in saving her from what proved to be an inescapable fate. also she’s 14 and also she’s (canonically) mentally ill and a lesbian. not a monster, not evil, not “psycho”. and that’s that!

#asks #luna-mistrunner #homura akemi #analysis #THIS MAY HABE TAKEN ME LIKE 2 DAYS ON AND OFF

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omegawolverine · 4 years ago

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I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

#shit self #asks #boku no hero academia #long post #bakugou katsuki #yes i am a bakugou kinnie shut the fuck up /lh #this is all /nm btw its just so much easier to make my long posts aggressive yk #this is just how i talk irl but Better Formatted #info dump #kinz #anti mitsuki #discourse #bangerz

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wokestraightpuffy · 4 years ago

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Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

#captain puffy #tea speaks #god this is so long the brainrot is concerning ANYWAY #clownon

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gayroytheory · 4 years ago

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im sorry i don't want to turn this blog into an fma 03 rant blog but i saw you all talking about winry and i couldn't stop myself bc i really like her. ok so i genuinely hate how fma 03 fans claim that ed doesn't treat her well in mangahood and that he's better to her in 2003 when it's literally the excat opposite? in both versions at the beginning he tries to push her away and keep secrets from her for the sake of her safety and because he doesn't want to make her sad which is understandable despite it being a bad thing considering ed's over protective nature and his guilt complex. but the thing is, in mangahood, after learning that this only makes her more frustrated and angrier with him because no one wants to be kept in the dark, ed tries to become more honest with her. he asks for her input after he came back from xerxes, in the manga he gets so mad at himself when winry found out abt hughes' death and he feels bad for telling her abt it when he first learned the news. he tells her about how the military are using her as a hostage, and he trusts her and doesn't try to stop her when she plans the whole escape plan with scar. he goes through this whole arc and learns to not push her away and stop hiding things from her (at least most of the time). when he told her to leave the country she got upset with him bc it seemed like he didn't learn his lesson and that he wants to push her away again but he only did that because he's worried that she might die if he loses to father. in 03, he doesn't ask winry for her input at all, nor does he care. the only time he asked her was when al was going through his identity crisis (i do like that ed was the one who talked to al in 03 tho), winry literally tags along for the rest of their journey, they go to dublith and i forgot where else and YET they don't bother to explain anything to her at all? she's just tagging along without understanding what the hell is going on, and she literally doesn't do anything to move the plot. the only reason the writers made her tag along was to make her talk to ishvallans and find out that mustang killed her parents and that's it. and then she meets sheska and they go on this little journey that contributes nothing to the plot, and winry sees a monster who looks exactly like her best friends' fucking mom whom they sacrificed their fucking bodies to bring back and she recognizes and then forgets about it and doesn't think about telling ed about it? also in ed and winry's last encounter, the one where he dyes his hair the ugliest shade of green ever, he doesn't even tell her what he's planning to do. at least in mangahood, ed told her that the country is in danger. yeah he didn't tell her all the details, but i don't think it would makena difference bc winry is not interested in alchemy. OH also about her crying a lot, there's this scene in fma 03 where ed and al and winry were staying in this inn, and i forgot the exact details but winry just fell on her knees and started crying and told him that she wants to improve at automail just to help him carry on in his journey? it felts really weird to me bc it just happened after the blue. in mangahood something similar happened, but it was after finding out about the pocket watch and the memories of the brothers burning down their home just to carry on was what made her emotional and it's what inspired her to move forward to and become a great automail engineer. i love how they're both inspiring each other which i don't really see in 03. anyway this got so long i'm so sorry. i just needed someone to share this with and i agree with a lot of your opinions concerning fma. have a good day!

i love all of this, thank you for this good winry discussion. i dont have a lot to say because its very late here but you are right

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selfcareparker · 4 years ago

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(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag????#aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘#love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop.#my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me???#or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘#imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so)#i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀#sentencessss*

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neo-shitty · 3 years ago

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reading drown made me remember how much music personally means to me. i used to have a hard time sleeping back in 6th grade to the point that it badly affected my studies bc for some reason im wide awake at night, felt tired but still fully awake which made me unable to focus in school. so of course i researched what i can do since i didnt want to tell my parents (nasa google kaya lahat 😌) long story short, try listening to music daw 😭 so i did bUT since listening to music wasnt really my hobby, i didnt know what type i should start off and at that time, kpop just recently became big LMAO it was like around 2017 i think. so i liSTENED TO EXO since it was the group that i have been hearing around school AHAHAHAHA the song was baby, dont cry btw. it worked surprisingly, music does calm one's nerves. i didnt understand the lyrics ofc but just by the melody, it made everything around me peaceful. whenever i feel anxious, sad, or stressed, music is the way to go :"> SO EON STORY KO PANO AKO NAGING KPOP FAN 😭😭😭 parinig aq ng iyo po 🙇

pero ofc there were times when it was pointless. there were times na listening to music just made everything worse, it would just be another noise that would frustrate me more. kAYA ANG NEED DITO IS ANO TALAGA U KNOW OO ung pwede mong sandalan hahahaha kaso wala ako non :"> so while reading napapa "sige chan ahhaha sana ol sige sana ol may y/n ng buhay nila hahaha" pero real talk, it would be nice to have someone you can share all your worries with without feeling guilty of wasting their time kaya stray kids hopefully you wont be afraid to love someone freely 😌

uy pati nakakaqiqil si jae dito >:( pero no, bias ko pa den siya sa day6 <3 and the scene where chan was guiding reader along while she was riding his skateboard is so cute huhu ,,, lia is the mc in checkmate, correct?

para akong ewan kc you posted this 11 pm right? i always like reading/watching while lying down sO humiga ako kaso pagkahiga ko, inaantok ako agad :"> enjoying something while youre at your most comfortable position feels so ✨heavenly✨ but it makes me too comfy that it drowns me in sleepiness. like i need to sleep muna bago ako maka focus 100% sa ginagawa ko lmao eh since end of the day eon, pagod aq :"< SMALL RANT LNGS KC BIGLA KO NAPANSIN KAGABI HAHAHAHAHA actually pati this afternoon, manonood sana ako hometown chachacha kaso pagkabagsak ko, tulog. kaya tinuloy ko na lang after an hour of sleep huhu

speaking of hometown, im on ep 10 and its the first ep where seungmin's ost was showcased ! im really excited marinig siya later pag finish ko nung ep na eon. BY THIS TIME EP 12 KA NA NOH?? HOPEFULLY EHE EHE and yes justice para sa mga nababastos >:( daming cases here in our school last f2f tbh. ewan like kadalasan, based on my experience, sinisisi nila sa pananamit ng mga babae 👁️👄👁️ i watched a video/show wherein a boy got caught sexualizing ung kaklase niyang girl tas he defended himself by saying na ang ikli ng skirt ni ate girl but thats literally their uniform , scary honestly

pati ify sa ipis, idk why but im more scared sa ipis than mga daga kc naman ang ipis parang gagamba, bigla biglaan na lang mawawala :"> AH SO UN NGA DI AKO NAKAPUYAT AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH PERO WANT KO NA ULE 😭 anong oras ka natulog?

i just realized then, almost all my feedbacks (?) rants abt your works, may included back story ko HAHAHAH like sa obliviate, harry potter kemene. sa on the ride home, yung untog series q. tas dito sa drown -> ^^^ syempre sa checkmate di ako relate kc di pa naman aq pumapanaw Y^Y

btw how was your day? pag gising ko sa umaga dumeretso aq proj, sipag i2. advance happy eating for dinner !

HAPPY CHANNN DAYYY ,, ayos na daw kurtina nila di ko pa nakikita pero inayos daw ni chan 😌👌

- 👻

glad i came home to a whole ass diary entry today omg owo

6TH GRADE HELP ISNT THAT LIKE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE AMNESIA ;n; hala baka magfalse diagnosis ka sa gogol ha, tell your parents next time kung may ano. oh yeah, mas better talaga kung di mo naiintindihan yung lyrics? bc you don't have to think of the lyrics too. music stopped working as a lullaby for me when quarantine started so i resorted to yt vids. but i still go for music whenever my self-esteem is low. noise music really boosts it *u* exo-l ka pa ba now? or you didn't stan? sinu-sino nga pala stinastan mo omg?

dude my story started in g2 when i heard fire by 2ne1 on the MIT top 20 of myx. i was quite a casual kpop fan up until late g10 when i started memorizing members (which i didn't do bc i was really just in it for the music not the groups).

HAJSHJAH truly tho it's nice to have someone around :'( namimiss ko na rin yung time na may 'y/n' ako but it's been so long that i'm fine on my own na HAJHAJ JAE IS MY BIAS TOO BUT ANTAGONIZING HIM WAS FUN. t'was bc of this vid (around the 28:18 to 29:20 mark; literally the inspo for the whole fic). yep, lia's checkmate's mc! the part abt guiding sa skateboard happened to me irl HIHIH #kilig #reminiscing kakamiss f2f

yeah at 11pm. i think i posted it too late bc it's not doing too well notes wise but whatever, it's chan day. HAHAH glad you slept easily though! MY BIGGEST SANA ALL. i slept at 3 na kanina bc i was either too hot or too cold.

how long is the kdrama? also i'm really proud of seungmin for scoring that ost :'( go get it, vocal king. NAUR I DIDNT GET TO FINISH THE ANIME BC I WENT AND WATCHED BSD KDJSKLJ i'll try and finish it tonight (bc i was out the whole day + i might be writing later) i fucking hate men. icb i'm at the point where i'm torn abt having a bf bc i kinda want a man but they're disgusting as hell???? it's hard to find the good ones nowadays.

mga ipis kasi feeling butterfly jsdhjfh at least yung daga aware ka kung asan ;n; IM SCARED OF SPIDERS TOO JDSKFJ wag ka magpuyat l8r kasi monday pero eh depends pa rin sau

oo nga pansin ko din yung back stories but they're interesting to read naman so i don't mind !! SANA DI KA TALAGA MAKARELATE SA CHECKMATE JUSQ do not claim the negative energy from that fic

we went to my mom's office earlier bc she wasn't feeling great and she couldn't come home yet kasi nakabubble siya doon. we just go thome tapos yown diretso answer sa ask HAHAH magtstsaa palang aq mamaya pa ata dinner namin mga 7 pero yeah advance happy eating din sayo!

AND YES HAPPY CHAN DAY <333 lol narealize ko lang both my ults had sunday birthdays this year o.O and OO HAJSHJAH i watched the chan's vlog last night (partly the reason why napuyat ako) and inayos niya yung curtain sa bandang huli <//3 can't tease them anymore HMP

#toff.asks #👻 anon

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one-abuse-survivor · 5 years ago

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Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken.

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl.

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't.

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph!

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

#Anonymous #Vent #Ask #Abuse tw #Abuse #Abusive parents #Emotional abuse #Long post #Threats #Guilt tripping #guilt tripping tw #Threats tw #therapy mention #christianity mention #neglect mention #(I'm nonbinary btw but it's not like my grandfather knows or would care 🙃)

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bluesfm · 5 years ago

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( park chaeyoung , twenty two , & cisfemale ) who ? these days , it’s all about blue hyong, who comes from los angeles & ca and is making headlines as a singer . she currently has a fan count of 42k , no thanks to the rumors of them being inflexible ! but , on the other hand , their most devout fans say they’re actually imaginative . last i heard , they caused quite a buzz when she publicly dissed her new record label and the misogynistic treatment she was receiving from their reps ! it’s no wonder they remind me of long rants in the notes app being posted to her twitter account , empty bottles of wine laying at recording studios’ floors & notebooks upon notebooks filled with lyrics she might never use but refuses to let go of .

well hello human friends !! n also hello to the non human friends too , wassup . i’m angie a dumb noodle from the middle of the south american jungle , and i’m here to introduce yall to this mess i call blue who’s a muse i have had for yrs now n carry w/ me wherever i go , with some minimal changes but she’s still the same messy bitch on the inside don’t worry folks ! so i will provide u w/ some background info on her n some possible connections under the cut . issa lil messy but we’ve been away for a while pls bear w me

blue is the only daughter to a couple of south korean immigrants that came to america when they were in their very early 20s n already expecting blue in order to chase the american dream n create a better life for themselves n their family . their life was pretty hard for a big part of blue’s childhood , while they were both studying n working odd jobs to pay for their education all the while taking care of a child . so blue didnt have the best childhood , not that her parents were bad or anything they just didnt have time for her . nowadays , they are a lot more comfortable in life , since her dad became a lawyer n her mom is a nurse , but they definitely didnt have an easy beginning .

ok so maybe bc they werent present durant most of her childhood they didnt notice a lol of signs that might have made things a lot easier for them , bc by the time they were available to emotionally be there , during her early teenage years , blue was already kinda a mess . she had grown up w very lil structure n refused the rules they tried to instill on her n was already used to doing things her own way . that lead to a lot of conflict between them , since they expected her to study hard n do well for herself in a nine to fiver when she was already sure art was the only way to go n while she did ok , she definitely wasn’t as good as her parents expected her to be .

so ... u know her teenage yrs were basic girl angsty she fought a lot w her parents n rebelled frequently n ran away from home like ... weekly , but she never rly had any real hardships . life was reasonably good but she always had something to complain abt ... just as she liked

[ MENTAL ILLNESS TW ]

but then she reached her late teens they all realized there was something going on other than the usual teenage angst she displayed all the time when she had her first manic episode . her parents thought it was a “ blue thing “ at first bc she was usually a very impulsive person n she rly didn’t have a habit of thinking before acting on her impulses , but her mom quickly noticed the signs of a manic episode when she realized how aggitated n restless she was , specially when blue described an hallucination she seemed to be having . they took her to a psychiatrist , she was admitted to a hospital n diagnosed w type 1 bipolar disorder n very quickly medicated . while the medication brought her out of her episode ,�� n she was allowed to go home after her mood seemed to stabilize , blue also noticed it stunted her severely emotionally n decided ( against medical n parental advice [ pls dont do it fam !! take ur meds ] ) to quit her medication , falling into her first major depressive episode a few weeks afterwards . n for abt four years she’s been living w her disorder , n she doesn’t medicate at all . she’s super open abt her struggles n she has a Lot of them , specially w how much drugs n alcohol she consumes . i never said she was smart yall .

[ END OF TW ]

ok so as u probably assume , blue is an emotional mess . she has a very chaotic personality , n most of it isnt even from her illness or anything she just is a very chaotic person in general ? she is one of those artsy ppl who forgets to wash her own clothes so she ends up wearing the same dress for like , 3 days . she’s super outspoken n outgoing n rly easy at making friends if u can get past the dumbass energy she exudes 24/7 ? but yes just a very outgoing person n a outright mess most of the time . she is also soooo stubborn u will never get her to change her mind abt smth she believes to be right about in any way . u just cant . she loves a good time n loves partying n is the lack of impulse Queen soo if u got any bad ideas she is the one u should go for if u need any company . also .... so dramatic . she makes a big deal of everything n has 0 apologies abt that . just catch her crying over high school musical 3 or smth like that .

but yea on the bad side tho , blue takes up n gives up on projects so easily n she can be super fickle abt things in general . like , she will defend an idea for 7 hours but 2 days later she’s already onto smth else n doesnt even remember being so obsessive abt that other thing ? a mess . is also Quite abrasive ? if she thinks ur acting dumb shes not gonna be scared to call u out on it . can also have a Reaally explosive temper . not usually but specially during manic episodes she can be quite easy to annoy ngl . is very unreliable , especially if ur not too close .. tbh that is something connected to her disorder . when she’s on a manic episode , she will be too busy planning things she will never get around to doing or painting her entire house or spending 3 days awake n drunk writing 17 songs by herself . n during her depression is very hard to get her to do anything n even if she feels terrible , she rly cant be an available friend .

in regards to her sexuality , she’s an open bisexual and also is a crazy romantic n falls so hard for literally no reason . but like ... doesnt have the healthiest mentality for relationships ? not like in a toxic way but she will usually give 145% of herself at all times n honestly believes all of the ppl she falls for are the one (1) just wants to make things work no matter what . she’s v impulsive w/ meeting n falling for ppl tho so things dont rly end up working n she always ends up heartbroken over it . Well . At least she’s trying right ?

in regards to her career n art , she’s posted youtube covers n original songs for a couple years and gathered a decent following ? she wasnt huge or anything but she did get a record deal w an actual big label out of it a few months ago . blue was pretty happy abt it but then when the recording process started she realized they werent treating her as she thought she deserved at all ? which resulted on her taking her thoughts to some reps of the label n when she didn’t feel any difference in the way she was being treated she took it to the public ? which definitely caused quite a sitr bc she wasn’t a huge name but she was big enough ? so now she’s in some considerable trouble w her label but Also more famous than ever so they are choosing not to bury her for now ? she’s in some definite trouble though so it’ll be fun to see what happens next n what her moves will be ? spoiler alert : it’ll prob be smth dumb.

i still have so much to say but i’m so lazy wow . dont start ur intros so close to opening time folks thats my tip as an old internet auntie . OK SO ONTO SOME CONNECTIONS NOW

some label mates who she may or may not get along with ?

hookups !! she prob has a few she regrets too bc who doesnt am i right

best friends !! ppl who actually support her n she loves w no restrictions just love all around friends

exes </3 not gonna lie i have some sad ideas abt this one

good influence bc blue is a mess she needs one of those pls someone slap her head n make her drink some water

a fling she has feelings for but may not be requited ... i like my romantic connections to be angsty did yall notice

artistic soulmate !! someone her artistic bitch side just vibes with ? could be a songwriter or singer or anything tbh

some indecisive romantic shit where blue rly knows sh’s too messy n this person is too amazing ? but they still have feels so ... now what ?

this is p mcuh it ?? it has taken so long to finish this i hate myself but HEY if u like blue or dislike her u should hit me up so we can come up w some plot ideas ? i wish i had a quirky goodbye idea but my brain has just quit working guys so u get nothing from me other than a good old fashioned goodbye thanks for ur attention i love u

#cala.intro #sometimes i surprise even myself w how unorganized i can be #i am sorry this is so messy im trying to keep it on brand tm #also i cant believe i actually finished this

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allexche · 6 years ago

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I actually wrote a whole superlong essay about characters’ weird behaviour after S7 and it was just to rant, I can’t hold it(( And I miss Keith tbh. Everything is just my personal opinion and I don’t try to convince anyone, etc etc

There are many things I didn’t like in S7, and the plot holes (as usual) or putting too much action and new characters not having actual screentime to introduce them are one of them. And to be honest I’d be glad to say that VLD is about the plot, the story is important but can’t say it genuinely bc the plot didn’t surprise me in general but made me confused with the ways it was executed, like... basic why what & how are still there lol

But the thing which I’m frustrated the most with is the characters who act as if they weren’t themselves. We were given enough in previous first seasons to get an idea about their behavior and potential actions and this is why I feel deceived.

Keith made me confused by his sudden step back to S1-2 and S3 when he was that edgy and kind of rude to the others. Here we’re supposed to see 2 y older than the other paladins Keith who was taught by his Mom to become a good leader. And then we see that he actually makes a very sarcastic line towards Allura about her dead father who she’s very proud of and misses as hell. And who’s known as a great warrior btw. I mean, look, it’s Keith and he fought with James back at the Garrison for a bad bully joke related to his passed parents. No way Keith actually thought Alfor was bad. So, do I have to take it like he just knew it would hurt her and did it just because he was as stressed as the others, not that supposedly mature? No way he wanted to hurt her. So, they can tell us it was because of becoming mad in the outer space but sorry. He lost his composure and just made it up at that moment? Is he really that bad in nature? We were shown him being nice, gentle and caring inside and so grown up. What was that? And I really hope that Lance taking Allura’s side wasn’t meant to be romantically coded, otherwise, the idea of defending a person only being romantically interested in them makes me sick.

Next. Hunk & Lance being close friends? I guess I remember that somewhere in S2 where I could actually see and feel it. Last season I watched Hunk making fun of Lance and getting distanced at the moment he needed some friends support. This season I see that Lance, this selfless and caring sweet boy who knows pretty well how bad it feels to be separated from his family doesn’t even flinch and never shows any sign of just feeling some sympathy to his supposedly close friend. What? And it’s suddenly Keith who finds his kind words and supports Hunk helping him. Wow.

Pidge, oh my. I have a lot of questions about her behaving like this last season. Shiro felt pretty bad and sick in front of her eyes and the only thing she did was creating a programme to prevent potential damage from him because “she had some feeling it could happen”. Shiro, her brother and Dad’s close friend, a person who was kind to her and moreover, “legend” as she said. Yes, it was Kuron but she had no idea. And this season she was like “hey Dad, is Matt with you?” Because we were told that we spent 3 years outside of this reality and didn’t find him (or tried?) in the coalition, maybe he just managed it himself lol. Without and lions or other things. Yes, thanks, she even recalled of having her brother who she was so desperately searching for over the seasons. Nice.

Allura! She’s so kind, always ready to sacrifice herself (Balmera arc, saving Shiro in S2, ready to die in Oriende), and so serious most of the time, obviously not having a habit to crush on every handsome man she meets. And trying to be a better friend (admitting being wrong abt Keith etc), she actually was sad learning abt Lance’s feeling. And chose Lotor with this knowledge. And also just crying on Lance’s shoulder after being heartbroken. It’s kind of cruel towards him and yet she’d done it herself, he wasn’t the first who initiated this hug. And yes! She’s over Lotor so fast. There were 3 years in the Universe which paladins hadn’t actually lived, for her it was not that long ago. Woah. It’s so Allura.

Shiro, well. We were told he loved Adam back but wasn’t capable of the romantic relationship (yet Adam still 100% ready to be by his side until the very last end. Okay, the fact he had no any memory about him is really clear that the writers made up Adam rather late, but this time we see that he didn’t think of him coming back and the only moment he expresses his emotions about his death takes 1-2 seconds. And it’s just like I’m sorry, okay I have a lot of errands for today, I gotta go. Really? No single thought about him in the battle with Sendak who actually killed Adam. Like, he didn’t really care and according to the info we were given from the crew Adam was actually a good person and tried to support his bf as he could. So, this indifferent Shiro is suddenly portrayed as not that saint and good as we were shown all the time and it makes me uncomfortable too. Well, Shiro was attacked as usual and didn’t win, and was rescued by Keith again (can’t recall what time it was).

Needless to say that this 3 years thing and shoving Adam to the show (with such a HYPE) just for killing him as fast as it was possible were confusing. And yes, I can’t recall anyone who hadn’t snapped or being rude with Lance by this moment. And he was still the one who tried to protect Pidge (called hideous by her the episode before) despite the handcuffs and being weaker than galran generals. TV show called him DUMB tons of times, Shiro mocked him, Krolia snapped at him, Allura yelled, and even his sister called him an idiot casually (which would be okay between some siblings but summing up all these things it was the last straw for me). Accidentally Sam Holt’s well written arc and Romelle’s cuteness, as well as two Keith & Lance’s really good interactions didn’t cover it for me ((

P.S. animation is stunning and amazing! and the characters I was shown in S1-3 are so so dear to me <3

#voltron #season 7 spoilers #vld

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dalish-empress · 3 years ago

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i wish my parents understood boundaries. my mom is a lot better bur my dad still sucks. like I have promised them that if I spiral or my mental health gets too bad I reach out n let them know n ask them to check up on me ect. but outside of that I am an adult w my own life n I cannot reply to them all the time or tell them everything bcs I simply don't want to. I am 23 n I have my own life. I share big things in my life w them n when I see them ill talk to them abt al kinds of stuff. but being spammed by calls n messages bcs I don't pick up or reply instantly is honestly so exhausting n makes me withdraw even further from them. like if it was just a little "hey how's it going" or asking if I have time to chat it would be fine. but it's several times weekly n they give so much unsolicited advice n don't respect when I need space n then get upset when im "rude" bcs I sit a firm boundary. I rlly want to have a decent relationship w my parents n its getting better now that I'm older but they make it so hard... especially my dad bcs he will ficking guilt trip me over everything. n also if I do actually go to them for advice or support they just dismiss it or act like I'm overreacting lmao. like when my bf was having fucking brain surgery on the other side of the planet n when he went home after spending Christmas here n my dad's like "why r u sad lol" like idk maybe bcs I won't see my bf for a year, maybe 6months if I'm rlly lucky n can see him this summer. like they never listen!!! anyway rant over lmao

#personal

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wannawrite · 7 years ago

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All You Would Ever Be

Wanna One's Kang Daniel X Reader [ fem ver ] Fluff bullet point ver. wanna one masterlist produce 101 masterlist • you, Seongwoo and Daniel are the Trio™, a sub unit from your actual clique of like idk a lot of friends ??? there are different units like jinhwi • Jinyoung isn't the only one in his unit who has fallen for someone else. You have too • and Seongwoo is going to get you together hello, @collecting-smiley-taehyung welcome to your scenario okay i need to stop it's the stress of exams, really anyways, I hope you like your scenario and THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING US SO OPENLY IM IN TEARS 💕 thanks for the request beb. hope you don't mind I did it in bulletpoint style, I'm working on requests in the midst of exams so my scenarios aren't the best right now 😭 maybe scenario ver ? but that will take me a longer time - Admin L

• okay • so • you are Daniel and Seongwoo's best friend • like best best best friend out of the people in the 101 clique™ • since there are so many people, subunits are bound to form and Ongniel has their own Ongniel is science!™ but • you + Ongniel = Trio™ • Daehwi + Jinyoung = Jinhwi™ • Woojin + Jihoon + Sungwoon = pink sausages™ • Taehyun + Kenta + Hyunbin + Sanggyun + Donghan + Longguo + Taedong = JBJ • but the 101 clique members loves and supports each other regardless of the number of subunits that formed • anyways • everyone is super close and loving it isn't rare for people to fall in love • Taehyun fell for Daehwi but otter is in love with Sungwoon • sometimes its messy but that's okay • but for you • it's REALLY messy • you like Daniel • simple right? • but Daniel is your best friend and literally, you've known him all your life • he treats you like his little sister • and as much as you love him, you don't want that • you want to be his girlfriend • luckily, you're amazing at suppressing feelings • like you went to a haunted house with the W1 unit™ and didn't scream the whole time but Jisung ended up crying • later though, you collapsed on the floor and screamed your lungs out • delayed reaction basically • but no • conceal, don't feel • don't let Daniel know • it's hard work because you two grew up together and still live in the same neighbourhood so naturally • wherever you go • there's a Kang Daniel • supermarket? • he's there buying eggs for his mother • gas station? • he's there sending his uncle's car for washing • the park? • he's there jogging in a thin tank top that makes your eyes pop out • and your heart explodes • he should have found out by now but you pray that daniel's oblivious • jokes • he's known you all your life he knows everything about you • like how your ears turn red before your face does • or how you hide under your blankets • how you under the bed when it's storming • how you stole one of Daniel's cats once • he didn't know for a good hour or so • you just took the nearest cat and ran so you weren't exactly sure what its name was • ring ring • 'hello?' • 'y/n, did you take Peter?' • 'who tf is Peter? idk them? no? I just left your house wdym' • 'bye felicia i'm on my way to yours' • yeah but that's a story for another time • Daniel is like a part of your family man • your parents adore him so much and bonus! they're super super close with Kang family • your mother was best friends with his mum in college it's cute • you and Daniel spend time around each other's houses so much you leave a bag of your things there and vice versa • lately, Ong has become so close to both of you, he's there too • oh my god • Seongwoo knows everything • e v e r y t h i n g • no one even told him ??? how did does he find out • so Seongwoo kind of becomes the middleman • wingman • since he knows that you are practically in love with Daniel you might as well rant your ass off to him • 3 am Facetime with him bc you want to talk about how handsome Daniel looked today • Seongwoo is surprisingly a good listener and offers advice sometimes • 'i just want to kiss him! ugh!' • 'uh-huh. me too sis.' - Ong Seongwoo, about Kang Daniel,2017 • little do you know • Daniel calls Seongwoo for exactly the same things • he whines about how adorable you are to Ong for hours • honestly it's driving Ong madddd • he just wants ya'll to get together • partially because it'll be super frickin' cute • partially because you two would stop whining to him • also partially because the 101 clique would expand its number of couples • imagine the amount of • 'i'm a man but my heart is pounding' • instances • many indeed and everyone is happy :") • so one day • Ongniel is over at your house and Daniel goes downstairs to grab another packet of jellies for your movie night and Ong just • 'yo Y/N, Daniel likes you too' while stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth • you nearly choke on your soda • Ong doesn't help you but smirks when you stare at him in disbelief • he nods in confirmation when you ask • 'omgomgomgomgomg' • 'AOMG' stan AOMG • now the two of you conspire to form a plan to confess, Daniel has absolutely no clue • during the movie, you just casually lounge your head on his shoulder • in his lap • sometimes your legs intertwine with his • then again, this isn't anything unusual because you guys are too close man it's hard • and Daniel seems to be keeping a straight face :( • you are sad • maybe he doesn't like me anymore ??? • nah sis you thought • Daniel's sweating so badly and his insides have turned to mush • what is a normal, regular heart rate? he swears he needs to be sent into the ER asap • basically, Daniel dies every single time you're around him • he's trying so hard to hide his feelings it hurts • Ong is abt to give up • you tell Ong your worries abt confessing • 'what if he never speaks to me again!' • 'idw to break our friendship' • '(ง •̀_•́)ง' • 'if Daniel rejects you, he can fite me' • your other best friend rubs your shoulder encouragingly, smiling • 'don't worry, Daniel whines about you a lot. he definitely likes you too. go for it, Y/N' • 'how long has he stayed on the phone talking about me?' • 'hmmm, the record was 4 hours just talking about how cute you looked with your new hair' • get you a man who hypes you like that • the whole 101 squad pretty much knows you two are in love with each other • but no one actl wants to tell ??? you ??? two ??? • okay sis • but this carries on for about a month before you suck it up and decide to tell Daniel • Ong is like • 'YASS' • he's running and jumping around your living room throwing glitter and rejoicing • next thing you know, Jisung is on the phone and Ong is screaming the details at him • yeah • so Ong schedules really cute day for you to get pampered. • spa day. get your nails done etc etc • he even books a table at some fancy restaurant even though he knows you two might get kicked out • but he hopes you two will control yourselves because it's a date and not a 'hang out' • he tells Daniel he set up a blind date for him • Daniel is like 'hell no, why?' • Seongwoo just smiles and pushes him more • so he ends up getting all dressed up and makes sure to steal Ong's credit card • you're slipping on your cute kitten heels and freaking out while Ong and Jisung try to fan your face so your makeup doesn't melt off • 'I spent two hours on that face, don't mess it up!' - Sungwoon, about your makeup, 2017 • Seongwoo drives you down to the venue and escorts you to that restaurant • Daniel is late lol • you face the other way so he doesn't see your face when he walks in • he's flustered asf, apologies spilling out of his mouth • silently curses in fear he messed up when you still won't face him • you look familiar ?? then again, he's never seen you so dressed up • Ong went all out and booked a table at the most prestigious restaurant in the city • 'My name is-' • 'Kang Daniel.' • his jaw drops open when you finally speak and turn to face him • hE'S LIKE SODISOHXIS SEONGWOO • 'oh my god. y/n? did Ong trick you into something?' • you shake your head and smile, reaching over the table and grabbing his hand • here goes nothing • 'Daniel, I want to date you.' • woAH DANIEL LOOKS LIKE THE HEAVENS HAVE OPENED AND AN ANGEL HAS COME DOWN TO B L E S S HIM • he's a blushing mess and stammers out the first few words which makes you giggle • there's this satisfied, boyish grin on his face and he dreamily says • 'okay sure' • for the duration of the whole meal, there's skinship • hands touching in between bites, your heels meet his Louboutin's and he promises to buy you a pair someday • ya'll cute • you realise how much you love him, there's so much conversation and you realise you're in love with such a wholesome, real man • :") • at the end of your dinner, Daniel drives you home in the car you've been in a hundred times • but it's the first time as his girlfriend • and it feels different • he admits to liking you for a long time now which makes you blush • he walks you to your door as usual but unlike the normal goodnight hugs he gives you • you lean in and peck his lips, thanking him for the date even though you initiated it • Daniel drives home with the silliest, dreamiest look on his face • Ong and 2Sung are celebrating and he's lowkey sad he'll be third-wheeling in the trio • but that's okay bc he loves you both and wants ya'll to marry • you guys actl do • besides, he'll have his hands full working on how to get 2Sung together

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #produce 101 #produce 101 scenarios #kang daniel #ong seongwoo #yoon jisung #hwang minhyun #lee daehwi #ha sungwoon #park woojin #park jihoon #lai guanlin #bae jinyoung #kim jaehwan

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jiminies-ahmee · 5 years ago

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i literally have not stopped thinking abt this all day and it’s bugging me so much bc the anger i’m feeling towards the situation is being taken out on people who aren’t even involved in it...

i don’t really rant on here, but i honestly need to get it off my chest. last night i wasn’t feeling so great, i felt hella lonely and i was really upset and crying abt it (lmao sounding like a whole ass sook but pls, i was sad okay). and by the time i’d calmed down a bit i got a message from a really close friend of mine (we don’t go to the same school anymore but we hangout all the time) at about 1am.

she was asking if she could ask me something and i thought something was wrong so i told her to ask away but she didn’t read it for some time. i waited till she replied though, bc i didn’t want to leave her hanging if it was something really important and when she did reply she told me to not worry about it and that she was going to give “the benefit of the doubt”. i was really confused at this point so i told her to tell me anyway and she asked if i had told anyone about her younger sister dating this guy we both know. my ethnic community is really small in my city so everyone knows everyone. but i hadn’t said anything about her sister - hell i’d forgotten she’d even told me about it. and she said okay and that she trusts me. but then she went on to say that it was kind of “annoying” that her parents had found out about her other sister dating through a friend of both our dad’s and that my dad and this other guy are fairly close and that was “dodgy”.

honestly at this point i was so goddamn offended and shocked that she’d even talk about my dad in that way. my dad and i are extremely close, we’re literally best friends so we do talk a lot. but i hadn’t said anything about this whole situation she was talking about. and honestly everyone already knew her sister was dating so i didn’t get her point. she then went on to tell me that that was the reason why she’d distanced herself from me for some time. this is true, but i thought she was busy as we’re both in our last year of school and she had a part time job. every time i’d message her to facetime or talk she’d tell me she was at work or at the library. but now i see there was another reason...

honestly what hurt the most is that she was avoiding me bc she didn’t trust me. during that time i was always checking in on her, asking how she was coping with school and if she was okay. but i never got that in return. even way before in our friendship. im always the one that’s leant on but i’ve got nothing and no one to lean on.

all this also explains why she didn’t invite me to her 18th just a week ago. the day before her party i’d messaged her asking if she was busy bc i wanted to go out w her and she told me she was cleaning the house for her birthday party the following night. she kept talking about it even to the next day (the day of the party), even facetiming me that morning as she was preparing everything to snap chatting me the decorations. i even saw her at the supermarket a few hours before the party and she was talking about how nervous she was.

i’m just really confused and hurt and angry all at the same time. i don’t know if anyone will read this and it honestly doesn’t matter but i just needed to let it out

finished watching my first first love on netflix and then started listening to with u by ateez on loop and then i started crying bc wow how lonely am i and then i got a really upsetting message from a friend and cried some more... not to mention the fact that it’s now 2 am and i’m hungry :(

#amee speaks #dramatic shit right here

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wearethegladiators · 6 years ago

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this rant was a fail but i am still going strong

few things i wanted to say include:

WHY IS IT ALWAYS 7 YEARS

why is everyone so serious this is SAD

ok kids, so today we’ll be ranting about......... *crowd cheering* YES, WYNONA!! (why. am. i. like. this. j’ai des pics d’excitation d’enfants de 3 ans ptn)

(if you’re asking “is this the new wynona?” hm. HM. i mean............)

(the hairstyle. the outfit. the environment. WE STAN.) i’m not entirely convinced by older!raven as incendio3!wynona. but i guess WE’LL SEE, that’s not the focal point.

the important thing to remember about wyn (bc it’s tragic and we all love a good drama) is that she didn’t want to be part of this war. she didn’t want to fight. she was neutral with even a possible tendency to work with the deatheaters to protect her family. it’s always been family first with the blackbirds.

now, what happened to wynona during the war?

well she did surprisingly good for a while. she joined the rebellion “temporarily” (mdr) to help rescue sacha. and.... caught up by her wish to make the world a better place + the need to stay close to sacha + the whole edan storyline + (eurm) (nathan)...... she pretty much got stuck/stuck herself.

she’s a warrior, she’s spirited, she’s hella smart and has an impressive réseau (always thought she may have coerced kyran into giving her plans of the ministry, and then would have proceeded to show up to the rebellion with those - allowing them to attack). so she’d be a valuable element, and she’d fit in well i guess? she’s a bit of the stereotype of the rebel imo. and she would def like it even though she wouldn’t say it.

she’d go back and forth between the domain and the headquarters of the rebellion. becoming good friends with carmen i guess? (i also love to fantasize about a weirdass friendship between carmen and lily. started from rivalry to mutual respect/companionship. ofc this would be more complicated now but... WAIT WHAT IF CARMEN BECOMES SORT OF A MEDIATOR BETWEEN NATHAN AND LILY??? i’m sorry. i’ll go back to this later hihi)

WYNONA. she got involved gradually, taking part in fights and bigger events involving explosions :’))

BUT

on one of those missions, one day, she’d be super badly injured. it would happen during a sort of “7 potters” thing? like she’d be flying on a broom (DRAGON) and she’d get hit by a deatheater. fell pretty hard, lost one (or both) of her legs.

(i like how i’m illustrating this like it’s some kind of nice little story)

wynona always had two nightmares throughout her life: losing a kid and losing her legs.

she’s an athlete. she hungs out with athletes. she’s a duellist. she has a super physical job which includes taking care and controlling among the deadliest magical creatures out there. she’s a “mother” of 8. she’s a control-freak that FREAKING hates relying on someone else. she is passionate about flying. and now what?? she can’t do any of these things without her leg(s). it’s like her whole life is losing purpose.

you sad already?

well she certainly is. more than that - she’s destroyed by it. she can’t see why she should keep on living (remember that wynona is a very utilitarian character - if she has no purpose/utility then she’s just as good as dead in her opinion).

so that’s depression, edgy behavior, pushing away the people she loves (sorry sachou :’()

btw, about her relationship with nathan: well, some stuff happened. to what extent is a good question. i’m pretty confident she’d have developed actual feelings for him by now (but would never say it ofc mdr). anyway, he’d be important in that moment.

wynona is an engineer. she was working on two PHDs AT THE SAME TIME before she got involved with the rebellion. ofc she’d be trying to build something to get better, even if magic can’t save her, even if she’s so damn low. i could see nathan helping her with that? eventually they’d find something that’d help her gain some mobility back. she’d be BEYOND excited. way too much tbh.

(also i have this absolute headcanon that - ELO PLS SAY YES - nathan is helping her with the kids too)

(i actually have a way too precise scene in mind. one night, wynona is working on her thesis at the rebellion’s headquarters. nathan walks by and sees DRAGOOOONS. she ends up explain she’s doing her thesis in magizoologie bc she wants more dragons for her domain. he’s excited. she eventually brings him to the domain. he sees dragons and is beyond excited. byeeeee c’est tout pour moi)

ANYWAY

she’d insist on going back to the battlefield. quickly. too quickly. would be upset because people are overprotecting her because of her legs; could get captured or something but that wouldn’t last.

THE BIG DRAMA IS YET TO COME

hmhm. here we are.

remember wynona’s worst nightmares? hmhm.

with wynona being more and more involved in the rebellion, she may have rapatrié the kids from hogwarts. they may be living permanently at the domain, or coming once in a while at the rebellion’s headsquarters. anyway, they would have been in touch with the rebels

and one of the kids (i don’t know which one yet) would manage to make it to the battlefield. guess what? ofc he/she gets killed. and wyn cannot do anything because of her leg

here we areeee, she just reached her personal hell

remember the blackbird dynamic of “blood must have blood”, “there’s honor in revenge”, “revenge and justice are the same thing”, “judge, jury, executioner” and so on and so forth?

she’d track down the murderers. show up to their houses to kill them. she had a plan: torture and kill the parents. she didn’t plan on hurting children. wynona is the Biggest Savior of Child™ there is. except that.... she would??? she’s beyond fucked-up at that point. so yeah, she slaughters the children as well.

i have pictured multiple times in my mind her coming back to the QG covered in blood and everyone going silent. everyone knowing.

she would go to nathan but even he couldn’t forgive her ofc?? their bond would be broken because he can’t understand, he can’t forgive (i guess??? or is it just me wanting angst??)

i don’t even know if she’d be able to maintain a relationship with carmen. like this is some kind of terrible violence right here

so i guess she’d be marginalized/ejected from the rebellion. she’d go on a personal vendetta for a while, not being able to stop the killing spree, before joining a rogue/extremist movement. totallyyyyy fucked-up.

and this is pretty much what would have happened up until the end of the virus: rogue!wynona, with still some distant connections to some people (sacha, nathan, lily...? helping her with the kids. i mean, she can’t make it without them hihi)

btw, i’m working on the relationship between wynona and lily. as odd as it can sound, i think lily could understand. especially now. they’d still have a connection, maybe stronger now. like i can see lily calling wynona when burning the bodies of her family and having a breakdown. alright now i’m excited abt it

after the virus: wyn is getting tired of this shit just like everyone else. she’s feeling f*cking guilty bc YES SHE HAS FEELINGS TOO

i mean, she pretty much did all this horror for love, for her kids

and she’s lonelier than ever. wynona isn’t into loneliness. she likes being alone when chosen, or being surrounded by her creatures, or being independent. but not freaking loneliness.

btw: she’d only be calm/soft around her creatures. yeah. and potentially her kids, but even that would be hard. the kids would be scared of her and this would break her even more

edan coming back would be a HUGE gamechanger. she’d rush to sacha of course. having someone to support and coming back to this old role of “good protector” would give her old vibes. that’s the opening of her resilience arc

i really really really want a resilience arc for wynona. she’s done horrible, unspeakable things and now she will always be about fire and destruction and blood. but she’s not a bad person. she deserved better.

doesn’t mean she will be a hero, especially if she ends up snapping on edan

this would be the trigger that she went too far and that she’s got to stop

she’d go back to the rebellion

try to let go of her “murder” and “absolute chaos” habits

reconnect with nathan?? that would be very very very important for her. if he can forgive her then maybe she can forgive herself and move forward

she was only a mother who wanted to save the world. she’ll be forever haunted by what she did. she deserves B E T T E R

also this may be interesting to work on her relationship with carmen, esp. since they both went down a rogue path

also i’m so happy about sacha having his dragon !!!!! jealous too tho cause i wish wynona could have one and ride it :’(

“question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monstrous?

you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing. you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.

you wipe the blood from her hands. you say her name, over and over, like an absolution.

you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.”

alright that’s all for me kiddos!! let me now cry tears of despair over my tragic babies, thanks. i’ll be back for a small thread about the environnement and lily/nathan relationship?? (ANGST there will be) love u elo :’)

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