#s12 they really are just like. so married and not even hiding it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

artificialqueens · 4 years ago

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And Everyday: When Life Gives You Lemons, Put Some Vodka in Your Lemonade (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode, Jaida Essence Hall/Jan Sport) - Campvanjie

AN: This was originally written for a fic exchange, and posted to AO3 under my now deleted account there on May 1st, 2020. Reposting here, because I’m proud of it, and am clearing old S12 fics from my Google drive. I’m the original author of this work, and there’s absolutely no plagiarism going on!

Summary: Gigi needs a soft place to land after her quarter-life meltdown, and Crystal realizes the happily every after she gave up on, might not be totally out of reach. Meanwhile, Jaida and Jan work on restoring an old barnhouse; because marriage begets home improvement.Prompts: Parenthood AU, Enemies to Lovers, Idiots in Love, and Angst all used to varying degrees.

CW: conversations around divorce/child custody and (past) bullying behavior, character mentions (non-specific) mental health issues as the reason for a past breakup.

“- Ugh, anyway, it’s like 3:30, he’s almost an hour late and I don’t know why the fuck I even got all dressed up just to sit at court being looked at like I’m some cheap bitch-”, Gigi grumbled into her phone. It was pressed against her cheek as she tried her best to juggle her purse and a extra-large coffee held in her other hand, her livid glare captured perfectly in the harsh, white light of the bathroom mirror across from her.

“I dunno, maybe because you have to be there? Kind of the mom thing to do.”, Crystal told her, static edging into her voice.

It was a long-distance call after all, and Gigi had fought against her fingers dialing the number almost by muscle memory. She had only relented once she had gotten through the packed hallway of the courts complex, and almost collapsed into what seemed like the only empty bathroom.

Call Crystal, had been the only thing she could think of do, in between beating her palms against the cool, brick walls, and shaking with sobs she refused to shed for fear of ruining her makeup.

Without missing a beat; Crystal had picked up, her voice always high and slowed, syllables enunciated in a way that had trained Gigi into asking for coffee, like it was spelled with a K, calling her son’s name, with the E in the middle a sharp, upward spike.

Crystal, Gigi realized with a start; was who had taught her to gulp in her breaths to hide herself crying, and shove her fist into her front pocket, to keep herself from shaking so much.

“I know. I know you’re right. I just- God, I’m so sick of it. It just want this all to be over so I can go back to what’s important, and stop feeling like my entire world is crashing down around me."

Crystal laughed, a little too dry for it to be genuine. "Hey, Gigi?"

"Hm?"

"If you- if you wanted, maybe you and the little munchkin could visit? Come see me in Missouri, maybe it’ll get your mind off things."

Gigi’s hands stopped underneath the stream of lukewarm water flowing from the faucet, her eyes meeting her reflection in the mirror. She looked like shit, no matter how much her carefully applied façade remained in place, her gaze jittered around the small room and she had never felt so truly tired in her entire life.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean, me of all people should know something about everything falling apart."

Less than an hour later, Gigi found herself dialing Crystal’s number again. She stood outside the courthouse, her glasses misted from the early- evening rain shower as she waited for her car.

Relinquished. She didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry, or take her parents up on their offer to live in their Florida timeshare and disappear off the face of the planet, too.

"He’s not coming because he filed paperwork to relinquish parental rights two weeks ago. In the eyes of the law, it’s just the two of you.”, her lawyer had told her, after finding Gigi just outside the bathroom. Jackie Cox was always dressed in tweed, pastel, pantsuits, dark hair coiffed in buttery smooth curls at the top of her head, her lips pursed in a thin, straight line, as though she was perpetually exhausted.

Gigi supposed that, being one of the city’s longest-serving family court attorneys would do that to you.

“I don’t know how I missed it on the dockets, but I should have told you first.”, Jackie apologized; her hand warm and steady at the small of Gigi’s back as she walked her client back up the hallway.

Gigi grunted, shrugging her shoulders underneath her jacket. “It’s fin- It wouldn’t have changed anything, Jackie. Really, thanks for everything."

She let herself lean against Jackie, letting one of her oldest friends wrap her arms around her, breathing in the scent of Jackie’s honeysuckle perfume on the courthouse steps.

"I’m sorry this happened-”, Jackie started, and Gigi could feel her heart sink to her stomach.

She had never done well with pity, least of all when she truly deserved it.

“Don’t be. Please, just don’t.”

“What are you going to do now?”, Jackie asked, as Gigi stepped out of her embrace, surveying the street before them that was quickly filling with cars and bikes and buses as the work day finished and school let out for the day.

“Right now? Get in an Uber and hope they don’t charge me triple for being late at daycare again.”

Crystal picked up on the fourth ring, and Gigi could hear the sound of a sink running in the background. Water splashed against metal, and the distinct sound of another woman’s voice, screeching with laughter, buzzed through the speakers of Gigi’s phone.

“Whoo- chile, I’m telling you if you come any closer with that flour, I’m gonna-"

"Shit. Sorry.”, Crystal had muffled the phone against her chest, the static only cutting out when Gigi was sure she had ducked into another room.

“How quickly can you get that guest room set up? I’m pretty sure we can make it for tomorrow if I drive through the night.”

“Mom- Mom it’s twelve-thirty-five. It’s way, way, way past your bedtime!”, Destiny crowed from his carseat, kicking at Gigi’s back. His blonde curls were plastered to the side of his face, lips dusted with salt from the bag of chips that Gigi had let him pick out form himself at their last rest stop.

Their entire lives had fit neatly into the sickeningly suburban five-seater that his father had insisted on, the largest luggage case filled with her son’s clothes and bedsheets still having enough room to jostle under his bare feet.

She knew it was impulsive, and stupid, and half-expected the police to pull them over several states away, but as the highways emptied to nothing bur a ribbon of white lines that kept them on the right side of the road, Gigi became more and more convinced she was doing the right thing.

“My bedtime is five-thirty, kiddo. Yours is eight, so you get to stay up so much later.”, she joked easily, never having had Destiny for so many hours, all by herself in the years since he had started preschool.

“Wait, that doesn’t make sense! It’s eight at night and right now it’s morning! Nobody goes to sleep at five in the morning!”, he shrieked, and giggled at his own reflection in the rearview mirror.

“That’s when the garbage truck wakes up!”, he added. Gigi didn’t remember, if he had ever talked so much, his voice jarring and so different from the toddler babbles she had recorded, and kept on her phone to watch on her worst days.

Her textile studio had taken up her days, until her partners had grown tired of Gigi stumbling in at eleven in the morning, unable to force herself to care very much about their bottom line, and the grey, dull world outside until Destiny had come to kick her out of bed.

Afterwards, his father would take her nights, the pressure incessant that they be exactly what they looked like- a family that belonged in a catalog, with a perfectly dressed, perfectly quiet child, money to burn and success in spades; drinking from matching flutes of champagne while Destiny was left alone in his basement bedroom with a baby monitor and his collection of stuffed animals.

Gigi faltered in a sea of plastic smiles and shallow conversations, and at the end of the day, all of her friends who had warned her off marrying her senior-year rebound, giving her life over to the promise of a bright, empty future, had been right.

He wanted to live in a dream, where she was only ever a sidekick; their son nothing more to him than a prop to parade, an filled-in item on a checklist that he had given up without a second thought.

Gigi had named him Destiny, because she liked it first, but second, because it had sounded so good with his last name; that she had never even considered having to change it.

Destiny Goode was a name that sounded like a motivational quote from a caveman, and she briefly wondered, merging on to the next interstate her GPS system highlighted- if a six-year-old would remember his name if she changed it right now.

He could be a Garret, or a Jaden, just like every other boy at school.

A fresh slate with no more questions to be asked, and nothing left to tie her perfect boy to Gigi’s worst mistake.

“-So, she’ll be here at nine-thirty, and we’re all going to be nice as fuck and not make it weird, okay?"

Crystal smoothed down the pleats of her skirt with her palms, her legs crossed in front of her at the breakfast table, as her eyes flitted between Jaida and Jan, who both had forks in hand as they enjoyed the chilaquilles that Crystal had set out for their meal, knowing this was going to be a big conversation.

"Chile-”

“Okay, go back to the part where she broke up with you and then ended up married to darksided Warner-"

"Guys!”, Crystal protested, glaring down at her friends.

Jaida and Jan had bought the barn on her family’s property not even weeks after Crystal had agreed to put it on the market, the decrepit, white-washed wood tower an eyesore along the country highway.

They were the closest thing she had to neighbors, in the wide acres of rolling plains that separated everyone by miles along the road, and it hadn’t taken long for the three of them to grow close.

Together, they had carved a guest house out of the front entryway, laying water pipes and television cable; and were working on renovations to turn the barn’s hall into an event space, with glass lanterns hanging high along the rafters that Crystal remembered walking across like a tightrope when she was a child.

Jan drilled in heavy wood planks to form a catwalk that overlooked the barn floor, which you could reach from the outside fire escape, and Crystal had been thrilled to finally put her years of following behind her father to use, toolbox in hand as she sanded down the reinforced beams holding up the roof.

If Gigi hadn’t called her, Crystal and Jan had a day ahead of them of hauling the shingles from a pallet left by the side of the road, in Crystal’s truck up to the barn, while Jaida had her camera, and a full calendar of Senior Portraits to finish before the end of the school year.

“I know it sounds like a lot, but please, please, don’t make it weird. Gigi always…- She always needed everything to go perfectly, and I hate to say it but… I might be her only real friend. Like, ever.”, Crystal told them, biting down on the inside of her cheek.

Gigi, who for the past few years, had been nothing but a collection of memories that would fire in her brain occasionally, like a slight twinge from an old injury, would be back in the flesh at her doorstep, at any minute. Crystal barely had the time to recruit Jaida’s help in clearing out her guest rooms for Gigi and her son, much less process how she truly felt about offering up her home as their refuge.

Gigi had never responded to the birthday cards she sent for Destiny after his third birthday; barely ever logging into her Facebook page that had been filled with photos of the two of them through college; and seemed to abruptly be cut off after she had gotten married. Occasionally, something would trickle through, a vacation photo of her little family, and anniversary note, a first day at school and a post that asked everyone to go and follow her business page.

For all of the refreshing Crystal did, Gigi’s studio seemed to never upload anything beyond its logo and business hours.

“Nah, listen, I get it, babe.”, said Jaida, a tortilla chip hanging from the corner of her mouth. “People grow and change and we gotta meet them where they’re at."

She nodded towards Jan, who was gulping down her orange juice, with a fond grin. "If you would have told my queen bitch ass when I was in high school, that I would end up married to Miss Team Too Much, I would have stole your man and told the whole school some dirty secret.”, Jaida laughed. “Everybody’s dealing with something, and I was so closeted and angry I was acting a fool for free."

"You were never closeted.”, Jan piped up, her voice rising an octave from normal, making Crystal widen her eyes as she looked to her side.

“Glass closet, honey. Besides, my point is, it’s water under a bridge, whatever we do when we’re young. I love you now.”, she said, pressing a kiss to Jan’s temple as she rose to go take their dishes to the sink. “You ended up turning out to be an amazing woman. I’m sure Gigi’s just the same."

The sun was high over the horizon line when Gigi’s car rumbled up the range road, rocks spraying into the grass as her wheels skipped over the pockmarked dirt.

She had taken Destiny to a hotel waterpark with a free breakfast, the absolute joy and shock on his face more than worth being several hours off of the arrival time she had texted Crystal. He was asleep now, only dressed in a pair of shorts and his sneakers, the buckles of his carseat starting to chafe red against his skin.

Gigi turned left at the barn, towards the yellow-shuttered house she remembered visiting over so many spring breaks and reading weeks, surprised to see two workers, stacking pallets of shingles by the barn door. One was a gorgeous, darker-skinned woman, the sun glittering from the highlights in her hair as she waved over to Gigi, making her grin despite herself.

Crystal’s tiny town had always been welcoming, the huge open expanses of space seeming to make everyone all the more willing to seek a connection- though Gigi would have never guessed that Crystal and her family would ever do anything with the barn, which looked just a little less decrepit than she remembered, so many years later.

She parked by the balcony, just in front of Crystal’s truck, and shook Destiny awake, helping him into the first shirt which she could reach from his bag.

"C'mon, Des. We’re here. Are you excited to say hi to Mom’s friend? She stayed up all night to make you new room!”, she asked, watching as he took in the word around them.

“You have friends?”, he blurted out, so plainly that Gigi couldn’t keep a smile off her face, even if he had probably heard that from a TV show she probably shouldn’t have been letting him see.

“That’s not very nice."

Still, she kissed the top of his head, and helped him out of the car, his tiny hand feeling heavy in hers as they made their way up the stairs to Crystal’s door.

The balcony creaked under their feet, as Gigi raised her hand to press against the doorbell, Destiny tugging against her shirt, pointing up at the colorful strips of cut paper that still adorned the windows, the sun cutting what must have been a stained-glass glow inside the house.

"Snowflakes, like at school!”, he called to her, pressing his face against the windowsill before Gigi pulled him back.

“No, it’s called papel picado.”, Gigi corrected, remembering how Crystal had spent hours at her paper press in the basement of the art rooms in college, a mess of stencils spread across the desk, a chisel and mallet in hand as she studied the pictures her grandmother would send her.

Crystal’s tongue would poke out of her mouth, her pupils blown wide in concentration, oblivious to the darkening sky above her until Gigi would find her, at half-past midnight, standing still wide awake in the middle of confetti slices of cut paper piling around her.

They would kiss, exhilarated and young and alone together, and Gigi would never think anything was wrong until-

“Gigi! Geegs! Look who’s late to their own party!”, Crystal squealed, the door swinging wide open to reveal her; red-brown hair still as wild as ever, piled into a messy ponytail atop her head, and a smile so wide Gigi could see nearly all her teeth. Crystal sparkled with the same craft glitter that had always hung from her fingertips, her cheeks flush as though she’d run from one end of the house to the other.

Her eyes looked bright again, the memory of which was so foreign to Gigi that she took a moment to take it all in, Crystal’s bright skirt and her tight, sleeveless top looking all the more like relics of the summers they had spent together.

“Ahoy.”, she greeted, raising a hand to her forehead in a mock salute.

Crystal giggled.

Giggled, like she always had, and waved them inside with a flourish of her hand.

“Are you mad at me?”, Jaida asked, kicking open the toolbox that she and Jan shared.

They had watched Crystal let the storied Gigi into the house, and decided to occupy themselves with bolting down the side light fixtures in the barn, until whatever was probably going on between their neighbor and ex calmed down enough for Crystal to invite them in.

But, Jan’s temper had grown increasingly short through their day, her drill now clenched in a white-knuckled grip as Jaida held the ladder she was on steady below her, digging in the tool box for the next drill bit she would need.

“Why- the fuck- would I be mad at you?”, she said through gritted teeth, over the sound of the power tool in her hand.

“‘Cause you just said fuck, for one.”, Jaida muttered, her eyes rolling skyward. Her wife had always been a little dramatic, but there was nothing Jaida hated more than the silent treatment, far preferring a knock-down, drag-out, screaming fight to being frozen out for hours with little more than a sharp glance or a silent nodded sent her way.

Jan shrugged her shoulders, her favorite blue and red flannel shirt stretching deliciously tight across her back.

Was Jan teasing her? Was it all some kind of elaborate game that was intended to be finished in their bedroom?

“Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s killing the mood, babe.”, Jaida teased, hoping that Jan would get the hint.

Instead, she dropped the drill from her grip, clattering down the ladder as it bounced on the hard-packed ground. The battery pack popped from the tool’s back, not that Jan could be bothered as she stalked away, ignoring Jaida’s raised eyebrows.

“Hey- hey- you can’t just wreck stuff because you’re having a bad day!”, Jaida called after her wife, looking down at the mess of wires at her feet. “And I don’t know how to fix this shit so-"

She fell silent, as Jan’s steps echoed up the outdoor fire escape, her body disappearing until Jaida could only see the outline of her long, blonde hair, blowing in the wind from the balcony.

"Jan?”, she shouted, following her up the steps. “Hey, I know I fucked up, but you gotta tell me how otherwise I’m not gonna know how to fix it."

"Right.”, Jan scoffed as Jaida rounded the corner, the two of them facing towards Crystal’s house, where a second-floor light flickered on and off several times. “I forgot that everything’s so easy for you, I just have to spell it all out."

"Okay, what does that even mean?"

Jan glowered at her wife, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Why did you tell Crystal the reason you were a bully in high school was because you weren’t out?"

"That’s what this about? Baby-”, Jaida reached forward, her hand only barely touching Jan’s shoulder before her wife flinched away. “I was just trying to make her feel a little better about the whole thing, everything going on with Gigi. I don’t even remember if I was a bully in high school."

"Maybe I do.”, Jan snapped, her eyes flashing up in anger for a split second.

Jaida sighed, looking back over the horizon; where the sun was starting to dip at the back of scattered farmhouses and cottage homes littered accross the plains. “Look- I- I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have brought it up-”

“You’ve never apologized."

"You want me to say sorry?"

It had been years since Jan and Jaida had reconnected, long separated from the people that they had been as children.

Jaida had remembered Jan as an easy target from their first day in kindergarten, a tiny, loud girl who fell into a pattern that followed until Jan had left for college on a musical theatre scholarship, and Jaida had gone to play basketball for a small, comfortable liberal arts college in the heartland. When she had met Jan again; she was another person who shared the same name, at an alumni event where both of them had been invited to promote their respective colleges.

Where Jan had always worn her heart on her sleeve, the woman Jaida had married was confident, and passionate, witty and driven beyond belief.

She hadn’t had a second thought proposing to her, in the middle of the butterfly sanctuary at the zoo in the springtime, kissing her passionately without question at their Central Park wedding, their families both swaying together underneath the canopy of a white tent, to the music of the very first DJ they had found on Google.

"I just want you to- admit that it happened.”

“You’re acting like this was a big deal.”, Jaida groaned. “Baby, we were kids."

"It was a big deal. I thought about the stupid shit you and your friends said, for years after- and you don’t know what that was like."

"Okay- I-”

Jaida sighed, laying her hands on the railing that rounded the balcony, squeezing the metal rung tightly against her palms, the fight seeping out of her as she studied her wife, who looked on the verge of tears.

“Jan- baby, hey, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

Silence fell between them, the sound of the crickets the only thing that cut in between their breaths. Jan buried her face in her hands, elbows resting against the railing beside her wife.

“I know. It’s just, that stuff adds up sometimes.”

She pressed herself into her wife’s shoulder, letting her head rest against Jaida’s arm.

“It adds up the other way around, too. Don’t think it doesn’t.”, Jan whispered, and Jaida finally let go of a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding in, her arm snaking around to rest around her wife’s waist. “It’s just a lot of work.”

“Then I’ll work on it, baby. Just tell me what you need.”

Gigi was surprised, at how instantly familiar Crystals kitchen was, breakfast leftovers heaped on top of Destiny’s plate while she quietly accepted a Diet Coke, sipping at the flat beverage as she finally began to relax. Gigi could tell her son was starting to feel sleepy, his eyes losing focus even as he kept lifting his fork to his mouth.

“Cielito.”, Crystal cooed, as she ruffled his curls, passing by the two of them as she moved to shutter the blinds in the kitchen. Destiny clearly thrived under the attention, and Gigi wondered if he had always craved touch, or if he was only a child who was excited by all of the new things around him. The heat was sticky, and Crystal’s brightly painted walls made the whole house look even more like an eternal birthday party, the fridge covered with photos and magnets.

Crystal had never learned to speak Spanish, at least as far as Gigi knew, having begged Crystal to help her pass her class for months when they had been roommates, but she supposed, she must have picked up more of it, with all the time she must have spent with her family afterwards.

“Where are you Mom and Dad?”, Gigi asked, swirling her straw in her Diet Coke. “I should say hi, right?"

Crystal shrugged. "We could Facetime? They were back in Mexico for a while after my Dad got sick, but right now they’re travelling Europe, living the old people dream. I’m sure my Mom still misses you."

Gigi took a deeper breath, her lips pursed as she watched Crystal dump dirty dishes in the sink.

"Is um- are you getting the barn demolished? I saw a couple people working on it outside."

"Oh, that’s just Jan and Jaida. They live there. I sold it a few months ago, and they’re trying to turn it into, like, a wedding hall. You’d love them- they’re the gayes-”, she paused, looking down at Destiny as he tipped his glass of orange juice into his mouth. “They’re super, super in love, and so gross."

Gigi could feel herself start to blush, even though she had started having that conversation with her son almost as soon as he had started to learn to talk.

"I usually have them over for dinner, so you can say hi."

Gigi coughed, swallowing the question that had been at the tip of her tongue since she had spoken to Crystal the day before.

"So? are you seeing anyone?”, she asked.

Crystal shook her head. “I’m not really looking.”, she said. “Still putting the cry in Crystal!”, she laughed. “And you were right, I wouldn’t want to put that on anyone else."

"I- ”, Gigi bit back her reply, not quite knowing if this was a talk she wanted to have, with her son arranging chips on his plate not two feet in front of her.

“Hey- buddy”, Crystal tapped on Destiny’s shoulder, nudging him with her hip. “Go wash your hands in the bathroom. It’s the one with the fish on the door and Star Wars on the curtain."

He looked back up at his mother, Gigi giving him a curt nod of approval as he skittered up the hallway.

"He’s a cute kid, you know? You’re doing a good job.”, she told Gigi, pushing the boy’s chair back in.

“Yeah… mostly not my job, but I’ll pass it on to our last nanny."

Gigi had stood with their plates, following Crystal to the sink where she happily plunged her arms into the hot, soapy bubbles, not caring very much for how her shirtsleeves got soaked in the water, navy fabric clinging to her wrists.

"Seriously. Gigi- look at me.”, Crystal reached around her, shutting off the faucet with a decisive clicking noise. “I don’t blame you for being twenty-one and not sticking around after I flipped out because I didn’t know how to deal with college, and real life and everything. It’s a day by day thing.”, she shrugged, reaching to open a cabinet and put the glasses in the drying rack away.

Crystal’s body was almost uncomfortably close, pressing into Gigi’s side like she remembered them being like, when they had shared their first apartment, having barely enough room for two people in between the fridge and the stove.

“Some days are better than others. But it’s-”, she paused, and smirked, her lips curling into the same wicked grin that Gigi could never shake from her memories, no matter how hard she tried. “No offense, but you’re not important enough for it to have been your fault."

"Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”, Gigi couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head. “Kick a girl when she’s down?"

"Or, some people just have shitty brain chemistry, and other people are assholes. Stop thinking it’s all on you all the time, you absolute flaming fuck-up.”, Crystal told her, her words softening behind her smile.

“Maybe don’t say flaming, but I did fu-"

Destiny padded back into the room, rubbing at his eyes. "Is it adult time yet?”, he asked, his tiny mouth yawning open. “Everyone’s saying all the bad words."

Crystal snickered, turning her undivided attention back to rinsing out the sink, her back turned to the both of them as if to say Gigi was on her own with that one.

"Good night, I guess.”, she muttered, shuffling across the tile towards him.

“See you tomorrow, Geegs. Just don’t forget, there’s always that.”

Gigi laid in bed with Destiny resting half on her chest, her son not wanting to leave her side, once the novelty of their adventure had worn off, and he had started to realize that there was a certain kind of permanence, to Crystal’s rainbow-colored walls, to the laughter from the kitchen that came from Jan and Jaida, who had eyed Gigi with enough suspicion to let it be known to her that she was absolutely not welcome in whatever little world they had built.

Okay, maybe the last bit was just in her head, and she could just introduce herself properly at breakfast the next morning- but she had still jumped at the chance to lock herself in Destiny’s appointed bedroom, pretending that he would need her to fall asleep, even though he had only wanted to cuddle before passing out completely the second that she dimmed the lights.

She scrolled through her phone, mindlessly as her son shifted in her arms, the message bubble beside his father’s name still lit up red with unread texts, that she skipped through to flick past her Instagram feed, landing on Crystal’s profile at the very bottom of her following list. The very first account which she had followed, years ago, and the very last that she kept up with, the creeping intimacy of being under Crystal’s roof, trying to piece together the life she had dropped out of, thicker than the heat of the air around her.

Crystal’s photos were all filtered through something that made them look brighter, more vibrant than the rainy afternoons and damp wetlands that they featured in the background, the captions all long, effusive essays about the importance of showing up to vote, or the beauty of the creek behind her house in the summertime. The most recent photo, featured her lying in a bed of sunflowers, grinning up at the sky, eyes half-shut against the sunlight.

Don’t look right into a solar eclipse!, the caption started, followed by at least a dozen laughing emoji faces, alternating with bright pink flowers. Sometimes life just punches you in the face, dummy! And you just gotta deal with it anyway. Don’t waste a second!

Gigi chuckled, locking the phone and laying it back on the bedside table, trying to move as little as possible as she turned off what was left of the light in the bedroom, and drew herself closer to her son in her arms.

His breathing was steady, his hands reaching for her hair in his sleep.

“Okay, kiddo. I got you.”, she said to nobody in particular, sinking lower in the sheets so she could tuck them tighter around him.

There’s always tomorrow, she could hear Crystal telling her, her voice clear as the dream Gigi was starting to slip into.

The next morning, she would start putting everything back together again.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jaida essence hall #jan sport #crygi #jaida x jan #lesbian au #hurt/comfort #parenting au #s12 #angst #fluff #campvanjie #tw mentions of divorce #tw mention of mental illness

16 notes · View notes

prosopopeya · 4 years ago

Note

For the ask: 11, 16, 18, 20!

11. Which episode do you wish we had gotten (ex. beach episode, body swap episode, human!impala episode, etc)?

a body swap could’ve been fun! or like maybe one of those ones where for some reason dean’s riding along in cas’s body or vice versa, one of those episodes where they can only communicate with each other. (maybe i am thinking of what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie?) but that would mean dean and cas can only hang out together for an episode, and dean has to tag along with cas on a Day in the Life of Cas for once.

WAIT TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT ALL BACK. musical episode. like actual musical episode. full on buffy style where they are compelled to sing their inner feelings. dean gets an angsty solo. cas subtly sings about how much he loves dean while supposedly helping someone else with something. in the big number later on they have some significant verses that go over the heads of other people in the room (except charlie). at the end of the episode they kiss. still under the magic or not?? idk!! but that’s what it should’ve been.

16. Which fanfic trope would you force onto Dean and Cas in a canon episode?

i feel like i don’t really read a lot of these fics? but maybe a nice fake dating, where dean’s weird about it at first, and eventually they do start bickering like they’re married and sam’s like lol really committing to the bit, huh? insert here bedsharing. i also love a good huddling for warmth so add that in too somehow. you can really pack ‘em all in here.

18. Ideally, what season would have Dean and Cas gotten together?

this is so hard bc i’m only as far as s12, but listen. i like the tragedy of dean and cas both realizing over the course of s7-8 that they have Feelings for one another and then once cas becomes human, he fully gets it. and i just perpetually want to change s9-10 into something better than they were. so maybe then. imagine it: dean can’t let human!cas stay at the bunker so he boots him, but then in the steve episode, they DO wind up getting together and then part of dean’s drama is hiding himself and cas from sam while hiding gadreel from sam and cas.

then you still get the (dumb) tragedy of the mark of cain, and if it’s still a new and fragile thing, then cas can still be like, tagging along with hannah, and he EXPLICITLY has to choose his human lover (but maybe not? they haven’t talked in a while?) over his place in heaven.

and soon after that is the rest of the mark and cain (I GUESS) and then during the amara thing, dean’s struggling with wanting to be with cas, but then cas goes and becomes lucifer’s vessel, and it makes their goodbye at the end of s11 and subsequent reunion hug in s12 even more emotional for me, personally.

20. What is THE destiel song?

GOD i have so many feelings about this but usually i ascribe a song too heavily to one person’s pov that it doesn’t feel exactly destiel you know. like right now The Dean Song for me is i know the end by phoebe bridgers. i have so many cas songs depending on the flavor of cas. s6? hoax. s7? evermore. s8? coney island. s9? the 1. seasons after that: strawberry blond.

maybe a song that i feel like encapsulates dean and cas as a whole thing could be peace. would it be enough if i could never give you peace? i’m also currently vibing hard with papa was a rodeo!

ask meme!

#ask meme #supernatural #a more profound bond #marbleflan

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ambrosedeans · 8 years ago

Note

#2 with macdennis bc it's Too Perfect for them omg

2. “We were just pretending to be lovers, but I’m not pretending anymore. I need to know if you feel the same way.” AN: Bless you Arin, this really is perfect for them, and I’m such a sucker for the fake dating trope. This was meant to short thing to break me out of writers block but it ended up being just over 2K. I’m not even sorry. What a way to get into writing for this fandom.This fic is set at a nondescript time after Mac has come out for good. I haven’t seen S12 yet, so it might not fit perfectly into canon events but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯prompt meme + AO3 mirror

It’s not the first time that they’ve pretended to be a couple. It should have been familiar; they’ve done it before, it’s practiced and safe and proven to work. Only, in their excitement to execute their latest scheme, they’d ignored one very important thing: Mac wasn’t in denial any more.Mac’s openness about his sexuality and feelings was such a relief to everyone, and since they’d seen it coming a mile off, it was by no means a surprise when he admitted to being gay. There was no adjustment period, because they’d all known for so long. As far as most of the gang were concerned, nothing had changed. Mac was still the same, only now there was much less denial and self-hatred about him. Maybe that was why it was so easy for Dennis to overlook the possibility that Mac might read too much into this whole act they had planned.

They’d gone to a wedding fayre pretending to be engaged in order to take advantage of the free food samples. It had seemed like a fool proof idea, and to give both Mac and Dennis credit, it only really fell apart after they had left, stuffed with cake and burdened with business cards they had only taken out of courtesy. They had successfully convinced everyone they were an actual couple, that they were engaged and excited to be married.It was so convincing, Mac himself had started to question just how much acting they had been doing. Whereas before, Mac may have ignored these thoughts, pushed them away and vehemently denied ever having them, he was different now.

The car ride back to their apartment is uncharacteristically silent, with Mac having a personal crisis in the passenger seat as he realises he might have feeling for his best friend. Dennis doesn’t question it—Mac’s had gay panics before which looked exactly like this. But Mac’s gay panics don’t involve a confrontation, and that’s exactly what happens when they get inside.“What was all that about?” Asks Mac, trying to keep his tone light. Dennis sees right through it, knows Mac has been worrying and planning what to say. And that’s the best he could come up with? Really?“All what? The wedding crap? It was about getting free stuff, Mac,” Dennis says dismissively, toeing off his shoes. Mac rolls his eyes.“I know why we did it, that’s not what I’m talking about. I meant you, with all the touching and the nice things. You never say nice things about me.”“Well I had to make it believable, didn’t I?”“So you didn’t mean any of it?” Mac asks, a little sceptical.“Well, some if it was true, obviously. We have lived together for years, and that stuff about you having a problem with food wasn’t a lie, we both know that.” Dennis is avoiding the question, is trying to start a different argument about Mac’s weight, but Mac won’t let him talk his way around this one.“Dennis,” Mac sighs, shoulders slumping “Don’t do that. I need to know.”“Need to know what?” Dennis replies, frustration making his voice climb higher and his eyes get slightly wider, more manic. Mac huffs, knows that Dennis isn’t that stupid.“If any of that was real!” snaps Mac. “If you were just acting the whole time when you said all that stuff to me, or if you really meant it.”“We were pretending, Mac!” He shouts in response. “Why would you think I meant any of that shit?”“Because I did!” Mac yells, unable to keep his silence any longer. He’s spent his whole life hiding from his feelings, and he’s tired. He’s tired of denying this, of pretending he’s never thought of or wanted Dennis as more than a friend. Mac’s pretty sure Dennis knows exactly how Mac feels—how could he not? He knows everything. Mac thinks he just needed to hear it, to be sure.Although, Dennis does look shocked. Maybe he just never expected Mac to admit to this, after the years of refusing to do so. Mac’s a little surprised himself, truth be told, but he can’t back out now. Dennis’s silence and confused look makes Mac worry, and he’s driven on by the need to fill the tense silence between them.“At first, I thought, y’know, it’s just pretending again, like we did before. And we got all that free shit, and it was great, but…” Mac trails off, sighs again. “All that shit you said about seeing me happy and not wanting me to be with anyone else? That was, like, really gay, Dennis.”“You are gay! We were pretending to be a gay couple!” Dennis shouts, completely exasperated.“Yeah, we were and that’s the problem! We were pretending, and then you said all this stuff that made me feel things, and then I didn’t know if I was pretending anymore,” Mac explains whilst flailing his hands around, just as frustrated with this whole situation. Only, in a surprising turn of events, he seems much calmer than Dennis is. “So I need to know if you feel the same way, or if you were making all that up just to get people to think that you like me.”“Jesus Christ,” Dennis groans, rubs his eyes and then pinches the bridge of his nose. “You’re asking me if I like you now, come on, Mac,” he says in that patronising voice, like Mac is the one being unreasonable here.“Don’t do that, dude! You know exactly what I’m asking you!”“You are asking me stupid questions that I, quite frankly, don’t need to answer, because they’re so stupid.”“No, I’m doing what you wanted,” Mac says defensively. “I’m admitting that I have feelings and now you’re the one being weird and not talking about shit!”“Oh you want to talk now?” Dennis goads. “You want to talk, Mac? Sure, let’s talk about our feelings. Shall we start with you and how you’ve been clearly in love with me for years, Mac?” Dennis says venomously, attacking with his words, and it’s not a bad strategy. Before it would’ve worked, Mac would have taken the bait and lashed out in response, but not now. Mac knows Dennis’s defence tactics, knows that he’s deflecting because Dennis doesn’t like showing that he cares about anyone.“Fucking—Jesus Christ, man, yes! That’s exactly what I’m trying to talk about!” Dennis blanches at Mac’s lack of resistance. He fumbles for words, hadn’t expected Mac to just to admit to the accusation.“You are?” Asks Dennis. His voice is uncharacteristically soft, his brow furrowed in confusion.“Yes,” sighs Mac. “I just told you bro, I wasn’t pretending to be in love with you earlier. Now will you answer the damn question and tell me if you meant any of that shit, because I’ve seen Charlie do that unrequited thing for fuck knows how long, and I’m not going through that, dude.”“You’re serious,” Dennis says flatly. Mac raises his eyebrows and gives Dennis an impatient look, prompting Dennis to groan dramatically. “Unbelievable,” he mutters to himself before looking back up. He looks too composed, his eyes dead and his face deliberately devoid of emotion. Mac braces himself for news he doesn’t want to hear. “Yes, I meant it,” he admits finally. “Happy?”“I…” Mac starts, but he doesn’t know what he wants to say. He’s a little stunned, and the initial shock is suppressing the joy that he expected. “All of it?” He asks, needs to be sure.“Yes, all of it, Mac,” Dennis huffs. It’s almost like this whole conversation is one big inconvenience to him, but for Mac the reality is starting to sink in. He thinks over all of the things Dennis had said earlier, his mixture of pride and possessiveness for Mac, and it makes him grin. “Don’t smile like that,” scolds Dennis, but Mac pays him no attention.“You love me,” he laughs, a little delirious. Dennis is immediately starting to regret being honest with him.“Yeah, well, you love me too asshole,” he quips. He appears to be nowhere near as thrilled as Mac is.“I do! I love you, Dennis,” Mac says, his stupid grin even wider. It’s such a relief to admit it, to finally say that out loud to Dennis and know that his feelings are reciprocated. “Hey, does this mean we’re like, dating, bro?”“What? Why would this mean that we’re dating?”“Well, y’know, if we like, love each other, then we should date right? That makes sense.”Dennis mulls this proposal over for a short time whilst Mac looks at him like an excited puppy awaiting attention. He wasn’t exaggerating earlier when he’d told those women at the ice cream catering stall that he couldn’t stand the thought of Mac being with someone else. Following that line of thinking, then, it made sense to do what fake-engaged Dennis had claimed to have done, and snatch Mac up for himself.“Sure,” Dennis nods, after concluding that there were a long list pros and practically no cons to officially dating Mac.“Yeah?” Mac says, his face all hopeful. Dennis rolls his eyes.“Yeah, Mac. We’re dating.”“Sweet!” Mac exclaims, and before Dennis has a chance to say anything else, Mac is there, in his personal space, his arms wrapping around Dennis and pulling him into a hug. Dennis blinks and stares over Mac’s shoulder for a few seconds before slowly raising his arms from his sides, tentatively returning the hug. He hears Mac let out a contented sigh and Dennis lets himself smile a little. Mac’s arms feel nice around him, his hold strong and comforting.“Hey, Mac,” Dennis mumbles after a little while, and Mac pulls back with a worried look on his face, wonders if he’s done something wrong, if Dennis is going to tell him this whole thing was a joke and he doesn’t really love him. But Dennis gives him a small, genuine smile and Mac relaxes as one of Dennis’s hands come up to cup his cheek.This feels familiar too; Mac knows he’s been here before, Dennis’s hand on his face, calming him down. It’s so much different now though, means so much more when they’re on the same page, when they’re actually a couple and not just pretending to be one.“If we’re dating, then that means I can kiss you, right?” Dennis asks, his lips curving into a smirk. Mac looks stunned, but nods eagerly. That’s all Dennis needs. He’s still smirking as he leans in and kisses him, presses against Mac’s soft lips.Honestly, it’s a little underwhelming; there’s no spark of fiery passion from desperation, no fireworks and no grand realisations. They’re both at ease with where they are and how feel. The kiss is slow and tender. It’s not like anything that Dennis has ever wanted, but it’s nice. It’s effortless and relieving, like getting home and putting on comfortable clothes after a long day. Dennis feels the way he does when he takes off his makeup at night and relaxes, content in his own skin. When they part they stay close, breathing against each other’s mouths, and Dennis lets out a soft sigh. He thinks he could get used to this.They spend the rest of the night on the sofa, with Mac pressed against Dennis’s side, reluctant to have any distance between them. They put on a movie they’ve seen too many times before, and eat popcorn out of a small bowl, their hands brushing frequently. That’s how they fall asleep, and in the morning, they don’t talk about it, they just fall into a domestic rhythm, like they’ve always been a couple, like it’s normal for Dennis to kiss Mac on the temple and touch his hip when he comes up behind him in the kitchen.Dennis doesn’t throw away the business cards they brought back from the wedding fayre. He tries to be discreet about keeping them, stuffs them in a drawer and thinks Mac doesn’t notice. Mac does notice, but he doesn’t question it. He trusts that next time, Dennis will be the one to start the conversation about developing their relationship, whenever he’s ready to do so.

#(idk tagging customs so tell me if i eff up)#macdennis #always sunny #iasip #getting together #conflict #mutual pining #(kinda?)#fluff #angst #my writing #long post #read more #tw: food #iatethelastpieceofpizza

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daughters-and-winsisters · 8 years ago

Text

Huntress- Part 9: Listen

Sam x Daughter!Reader, takes place in S12 E9 so warning: SPOILERS

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

In one clean hit you slammed your turned fist into the punching bag. It echoed throughout the empty halls of the bunker. You didn’t wear headphones when there was no one else around. If alone, you had to be all of your senses. There was no one else to rely on. You kept your thumbs out of your curled fists and your guard high enough to cover your face. On your toes and dodging a non-existent partner you swung another punch, a sidekick following the first blow. After almost an hour of training you stopped and leaned against the cold brick wall, taking a swig of your water whilst staring at the open space. You still hadn’t moved your Dad’s towels ready for his own session. You left them, a reminder that there was always hope.

Three days had passed. Four if you count the day Cas stayed with you. He took you home that day- Uncle Dean’s orders. Only, they never came back to the bunker.

You hadn’t done much except call up your Dad and Uncle a few hundred times. Not one time did they answer. You’d turned to research and training, if anything you needed to be stronger at this moment. You’d considered calling Mary, but you weren’t sure what she’d be able to do that would help much. Of course you liked her, she was family after all, but if she wanted out of the Hunting life you weren’t going to be responsible for dragging her back into it. No one has the right to do that.

After changing back into your usual checked shirt, jeans and combats you boiled the kettle for a brew and slumped down in the library. Tea in hands, a book on the table and a bright lamp lighting up the pages for you were interrupted by a shadow. You mumbled a “Hey Cas.” but didn’t bring your head up. The stiff shadow was enough of a giveaway.

“Y/N, how are you?” He sounded genuinely concerned which made you look up. “I’m okay, just trying to figure out what happened...I guess.” Your eyes glanced down to the Mythological Law book. “As am I.” He nodded seriously before adding “Have you contacted Mary?”

You took in a deep breath and leaned back in your chair “No...”

“Should we?” You were almost annoyed Cas was asking you all the questions. How on Earth were you supposed to know?!

“I don’t know, go find out.” You snapped. Cas left without asking twice, making you feel guilty. You didn’t mean to come across as harsh as it had sounded. Truthfully, you missed your Dad and your Uncle Dean.

They’d welcomed you into the family, even with the knowledge of you being part of the British Men Of Letters. You were immensely grateful to them and now you couldn’t help them in return. You were useless. “I’m useless...” You mumbled to yourself, resting your elbows on the table and holding your head in your hands. Strands of your hair sunk between your fingers as you stared blankly at the book.

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Mary’s angry tone filled the room. It took you a moment to realise she was asking you and not Cas. “Um...” You stumbled, lost for words “I-” “I’m their Mother, your Grandmother!” She threw her hands in the air and back down by her sides in frustration. “I know...I just...I didn’t want to bring you back into Hunting.” “These are my boys. I’ll Hunt till I die to save them.”

“Y/N, it’s me. I know you’re a little cross with me, but I don’t want us to lose contact, yeah? I’ve known you a long time now, squirt. Don’t make me track you down.” The man chuckled “You know I never didn’t like you? It’s hard coming into a family where the Misses already has a kid. You were too grown up when I married your Mum to pay attention to me, and I get that,” a few crashes sounded on the other line “Look I’ve got to head off. Give us a ring would you?” He hung up.

*Message deleted*

“Y/N, love. It’s me again. I know you’ll listen to these, you’re too curious not to. Just like your Dad, eh? Have you told him about me...about, this. It’s a difficult situation to be in for me too and I want you to understand that. Sam Winchester has a right to you, after all he’s your Dad. But, you’re still my family. Maybe not by blood, but in some ways you’re my daughter...You both were... Please Y/N, call me back.”

*Message deleted*

“Y/N, this is the last message I’m leaving, alright? I’m sorry. I’m sorry to put you through what I did. But it was only ever to get the best out of you. I changed quickly, didn’t I? I’ve always picked your side....I only wish that there weren’t any sides. Maybe you could try and get in a good word for us with them American Hunters, yeah? We’re not the bad guys, Y/N. The buggers that you Hunt are. Have a good one.”

*Message deleted*

“Y/N, we know where they are.” Cas declared, not bothering to say hello before storming into your room. You were just finishing up another training session when he did. “Really?” Your eyes grew wide. It had been over six weeks since you’d seen your Dad or Uncle Dean. Mary and Cas had done there best to keep you company but you spent most of the time in your room with your thumb hovering between the “replay message” and the “delete message” buttons.

You grabbed your gun, checked the ammo status and slipped an extra knife into your pocket for security before racing out to where Mary and Cas were waiting. “Let’s go. Seatbelt on, I drive fast.” Mary stated. You’d barely closed the car door when she started the engine and drove off.

The journey seemed to take forever with so much at stake, only with Mary’s fast driving and the help of headphones it was over quick enough. The moment the car slowed to a halt you scowled at what was in front.

Mr K and Ketch were stood leaning up against their car bonnet and soon you Mary and Cas were doing the same. Mr K gave you a nod of acknowledgement and Mick offered a sort of half smile. You cocked an eyebrow and crossed your arms. “Any idea where Sam and Dean are?” Mick asked, getting straight to the point.

“They’ve been taken away by the Government...Lucifer was possessing the President and they-” “You’re telling me that gadget we gave you was for you taking on the bleeding Devil himself?” Mick scoffed and appeared to be aiming the question at you. “You trained me well.” You were trying to sound sarcastic but it seemed to sound more like a compliment.

“Sounds like they went to Her Majesty’s Pleasure- site 94 to be specific.” Mr K spoke proudly and held himself very seriously. “Let’s go find Site 94 then.” Mary declared, not bothering to spend any more time talking. “Of course, we’ll put a satellite on it right away.” “You can do that?” Cas squinted, becoming more and more suspicious.

“’Course, it’s our job. We collect information.” Mick nodded.

“So that’s it, you’re just going to help us?”

“There ain’t a catch?” You questioned, agreeing with Mary- it seemed to easy.

“Miss Winchester...Mary, we came over to this land for one with only, to make friends. ‘Course we’ll help you.” Mick had a way with words that made you want to question everything he said.

“Yeah okay. Let’s just go.” You rolled your eyes and got back in the car.

“We’ll lead the way.” Mr K smiled.

Once Mick and Mr K had left things had quietened down, you Mary and Cas were slowly wading through the woodlands hoping to come across your Dad and Uncle Dean. You were at the back, you had a handgun and knife in your jacket in case and also an extra blade tucked into your shoe. Thankfully the extra training you had put in meant that you weren’t at all tired even after hiking for quite some time.

When you reached a point where you had no where to turn, you all stopped and waited. Patience had bee something you’d always had, so waiting wasn’t an issue for you. However, it didn’t seem to run in pure Winchester genes as Mary would not stop pacing back and forth. Sighing, you got up from where you were resting against a tree branch and cleared your throat “You’re gonna have dug a trench in a minute, stop moving and I’m sure they’ll be here soon.” You half joked half scolded.

Mary paused as if having only just become aware she was doing so. “Sorry, I’ll stop.”

“It’s okay,I get that your nervous. It was just making me nervous.” You chuckled. She smiled and looked as though she was about to say something when Cas’ voice made you turn around.

“Sam...Dean!” Cas jumped into action and immediately wrapped his arms around your Dad, only letting go so that he could hug Uncle Dean.

Your Dad went on to hug his Mum, you tried to avoid anyone’s gaze and focused on watching the trees behind everyone. “Y/N.” Your Dad’s relieved voice made you glance up at him, he was smiling and before you knew it stood directly in front of you. His arms wrapped around you and almost took you off the ground. You relaxed in his grip and hugged back tightly, his hand moved so it was holding your head close to his chest and he pressed a kiss to the top of your forehead.

“Hi Dad.” You smiled, not wanting to let go.

“Does Uncle Dean get a hug?” You chuckled and when your Dad let go he hugged you close. “Hate to admit it, but I missed you, kid.” He winked.

“I’m sorry, you left...survivors?” Mr K clearly had a hard time saying the word. It was a taboo in his vocabulary.

“Well yeah, they were soldiers, they were just doing their job.” Your Dad explained. You knew what Mr K was thinking when he looked at you, he thought your Dad and Uncle were corrupting you. They were ‘Americanising’ you or something. You didn’t care what he thought.

“Well uh, I guess this is where you want us to say thank you..?” Uncle Dean reluctantly spoke.

“No need gents, happy to be of service.” Mick nodded appreciatively. You snorted at this, not bothering to hide it. “Sorry, do you think otherwise? You really think I’ve got some other reason, please share with the rest of us if you do.”

“I’ll let your pathetic brain try and figure it out.” You remarked, having had enough of them bossing you around.

“Brooks!” Mr K shouted, your name echoing throughout.

“Sir.” You tilted your head a little.

“We do not speak to others with such rude language.” He lectured.

You laughed bitterly “Watch me. You’re not in charge any more so get used to it.” Your Dad watched, ready to step in and defend you but well aware you were capable of doing it thus far.

“Have you forgotten everything? Everyone?” Mr K stepped forward, trying to show his dominance.

“Believe you and me I’ve been trying.”

“What about Max? Have you forgotten Max?” Mr K smirked, knowing he’d hit a nerve. Mick stepped forward “That’s enough, Arthur.”

You closed your mouth and stepped forward so you were almost eye level with him. Your eyes narrowed as you prepared to hit him. “And your Mother, dearest Rebecca, have you forgotten her too?”

“Mr Ketch,” Mick spoke up, putting his hand on Mr K’s shoulder “I suggest you step down.” He shot you a glance, warning you not to say anything.

Mr K nodded. “I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Finish the job...I know you will.” You dared before turning on your heel and getting into the Impala, ignoring your family’s stares. Your Dad and Mary watched, curiosity and concern in their eyes, Uncle Dean looked more impressed than anything and Cas was worried, there was more to you than he first thought.

The car ride wasn’t silent like you were expecting it to be. Sam and Mary spoke, Cas and Dean spoke, you did not. You listened to them and to your music-one headphone in. “Hey Y/N.” Mary looked back slightly from the steering wheel. You glanced up as if to say yes. “What did you mean by finish the job?” It surprised you she’d asked about that and nothing else. “He’ll kill those survivors you left.” You made sure to put emphasis on “survivors”.

“What?” Your Dad swiveled in his seat to face you. “It’s Mr K’s job to finish the job.”

Everyone looked at you, clearly confused. The way American hunting went wasn’t much like how it did back home.

“It’s his job, he erases evidence. They were training me to do the same.” You admitted “Only I had a tendency to refuse.” “Good for you.” Mary encouraged, proud to know. “I stopped refusing not that long ago when I realised Mr K would just do it anyway...I thought I could make it less painful for them. Normally I just sent them to sleep with a serum dart....” “So that’s why you’re better with snipers.” You Dad noted. “Yeah...I’m not proud of it. I’ve given up trying to come up with excuses to why it was an okay thing to do.”

“You were just doing what you’d always done.” Cas assured you however you shook your head. “No...I was just too scared to do anything else.”

Before anyone else had a chance to say something the radio switched between channels, staccato voices jumping with the stations while the car slowed to a halt. You frowned when Your Dad shared a look with Uncle Dean. “What’s happening?” Mary questioned as you all slowly got out of Baby.

“Yeah Dean,” a familiar voice answered for your Uncle “sup?” Billy, the reaper, tilted her head and smirked.

“Look, Mom,” Dean stepped in front of you all “That place...I’ve been to hell and this was worse. There was only one way of getting out, and that wasn’t by staying alive.” Uncle Dean explained. “At least this way one of us gets to keep on fighting.” Your Dad agreed.

“By Midnight, a Winchester goes bye bye...for good.” Billy smiled “Believe me that’s something I’ve wanted for a long time.” You glanced at the gun Mary was reaching for and thought about getting your own one out. “Before you think about it,” Billy looked at you “You might owe me, but not your life. Besides, I don’t want half-Winchesters.” You glared at her.

“Then why not me.” Mary raised a gun to her head, immediately Uncle Dean and Dad stepped forward in protest, however their bodies were thrown back. “Works for me.” Billy explained, her eyes wide and readying.

Mary’s voice was shaking when she spoke “I love you, all of you.” Her eyes were glistening with tears. You were frozen on the spot, maybe because of Billy yet maybe because of your own fear. “Mary-” You tried to think of something to say. “No, Y/N. This is the right thing to do.”

“It sure is, if you break this pact then there are consequences on a cosmic scale,” Billy explained “this is the right thing-”

Suddenly Castiel appeared behind the Reaper and dug a blade into her chest, her body lit up from the inside and cries of pain replaced her smile. Her body fell limp to the floor. Mary put the gun at her side, Uncle Dean and Dad lifted themselves from the floor and Cas stood in front, ready to defend his choices.

“Cas what have you done?” Uncle Dean gasped.

Cas looked up, his breathing heavy and his eyes serious: “What had to be done...This world, this sad doomed little world, it needs you, it needs every last Winchester it can get and I will not let you die I won’t let any of you die.” He looked at you “And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves you mean too much to me. To everything.”

Everyone was silent, all eyes were on the Angel.

“Yeah you made a deal,” He continued “You made a stupid deal and I broke it. You’re welcome.”

Let me paint you a picture.

Of a world without monsters or demons, or any of those little buggers that go bump in the night. Of a world where no one has to die because of the supernatural. A new world. A better world.

Are you listening?

Part 10- Patience

I do not own these gifs

Aye look at me I wrote a thing. Sorry it’s a little late but I really enjoyed writing this part so I ope that comes across when you read it. Thanks for reading!

(Tags after cut)

@barbygrozna @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @chelseypaigeake @impala-hunter @msdooos @starswirlblitz @fanboyswhereare-you @amorluzymelodia @d-willem @adidabach @blackjack-the-sword @spazzstiel @booksarecoolio @winchesters-favorite-girl @squirels-angels-and-moose @27bmm @practicallyawinchester @demonic-meatball @xsecretrejectx @bea789 @sarahthewriter55 @trashforwinchesters @snazzyjazzyh @diesintheshower @intoomuchfandoms @the-chick-with-the-best-fandom @kbarnett1089 @riversong-sam @intoomuchfandoms @teamfreewill-67 @revwinchester @jensen-jarpad @itseverythingilike @avalon821 @miss-miep @lovelouisbabe @wcmanwcnder @graceless-dragon @sofy7012 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @oneshotsdeanshort @caroldanversinatardis @soulfiretheobsessed @whovianayesha @fandomsstolemylife00 @straightasdeanwinchester

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mittensmorgul · 8 years ago

Note

Between the promo and the interview with Dabb. It's important to see the love professed between persons they are not blood family but they are Family. I will only say that love is different but not least. I love that Dean says "Cas is my best friend" because a friend can be a brother, confidant, ally, encompasses a lot of things. And I Iike Dabb to say "Everybody looking for their place" Because they are all important. Castiel is one of a kind and he has to find his own place in the universe.

Yeah.

(And just for the record, Mr. Mittens is my best friend.)

(we’ve been married for almost 20 years)

(but he’s definitely my best friend)

And really, the whole “Everybody looking for their place” thing is something we’ve been flailing over FOR YEARS. ACTUAL MULTIPLE YEARS.

*note to say that I would provide ALL the quotes, but the superwiki’s been down all day, so this is literally entirely off the top of my head. All receipts can be found buried in my blog, but for the purposes of answering this in a timely fashion, *boom* you get the stuff I can remember without looking it up… :D*

*second note to say I’m putting this under a cut because damn… I wrote over 3k on the subject and whoa it’s long*

Let’s start with Dean (because really this show, for me, starts and ends with Dean)

Dean, in 10.16, with his whole confessional scene. Thinking about the things… people he wants to experience differently. Maybe even for the first time.

But this isn’t even really a new notion for Dean. At the beginning of the series we were first introduced to this cocky dude who had this whole loner/rebel thing going on… but that image got turned on its head by the end of the second episode (the third episode drowned that perception of Dean in a lake). He spent most of s2 feeling like he wasn’t even supposed to be ALIVE, let alone deserve anything more than he already had.

By s3, he’d sold his soul for Sam’s, and he was content with the trade… until near the end of the season when his time was running out and he was forced to confront his fate… (I don’t deserve it! FINALLY! at the end of 3.10 confronting the dream-demon-dean)

Resurrected in 4.01, Cas points out that Dean doesn’t believe he deserved to be saved… and he’s forced to confront this fate apparently laid on him by God– who he didn’t even believe existed, and certainly didn’t care about. Heaven was conspiring against Dean to make him into their pawn, all the while he fought against that fate. At that point in the story, back during the Apocalypse, he didn’t really get much time to stop and think about what “place” he’d choose for himself, he just knew he wasn’t gonna let destiny choose for him. Back then, he was fighting for the right to choose at all.

Apocalypse dusted, he trudged off to look for a white picket fence and a little peace and quiet. As far as he knew, the world wasn’t trying to end anymore, and without any sort of direction for himself, for the first time in his life he was sort of free to explore something different for himself. For reasons I’ve talked about plenty of times before, it didn’t work out for him. He tried to find a balance there, but it was too much, and suddenly he was adrift again.

He’d lost his faith again. Cas was gone, Sam was broken, and the world was definitely falling apart again. S7 stripped away everything that Dean had ever known. Forget about having choices, by the end of the season he was even running out of last-ditch refuges. Then he and Cas ended up in the last-ditch refuge to beat all other last-ditch refuges: Purgatory.

Coming back from Purgatory seemed to give Dean a new lease on life. ESPECIALLY after Cas came back… at least for a little while. Even after Cas came back to him, he still ditched him again…

(yes it was because he was being controlled by Naomi, no neither dean nor cas knew that at the time, yes it left everyone feeling terrible)

Then they discovered the Bunker. Things really began to change for him. He had a place that he felt was actually THEIRS. A solid, steady home base that grounded him in the world like nothing had since he’d been 4 years old and had a family home. It was his heritage, a part of his personal history that had been stolen from him long before he was even born. And that was HUGE for Dean.

The thing he was best at, the thing he took most pride in– his abilities as a hunter– was validated by this creepy old vault in a hillside.

Suddenly he had a home, a sense of legitimacy, a sense that he wasn’t some outcast on the fringes of society. Granted, living in a secret underground bunker still technically puts one on the fringes of society, but more in a Batman sort of way instead of in a Spiders Georg sort of way…

Right from the start, Dean had this sense of BELONGING there. He felt at home. He LIKES living there. He has privacy and comfort and his own room and a cozy robe and slippers, not to mention all the tools and resources he could ever hope to have to do the job he’s always loved (well, for the most part he’s loved it…).

But there’s always been that responsibility his father instilled in him from the moment he told him to carry Sam outside as fast as he can. His one real job, even above the hunting, has been to watch out for Sam. He still feels responsible for Sam, even though they’re both in their 30′s (and Dean’s pushing 40 now…). Is that REALLY his primary responsibility in life? I mean, of course he loves his brother, but should he forever put Sam’s needs and wishes BEFORE his own? Or, conversely, override Sam’s own wishes in service to that old “watch out for Sammy, you have to save him” mantra that John burdened him with in 2.01? That’s something he’s beginning to learn, beginning back in s11, and continuing into s12.

I think Dean realizes that hunting is where he belongs. Going back to 11.04, Sam asking him if he ever thought about settling down with someone in the life. Like, finding a romantic partner to share the life with. I.e., hunting with someone other than Sam. Implying that SAM had thought about this, too, for himself.

Conveniently, Sam meets a really lovely female hunter who he has a lot of instant chemistry with just seven episodes later (hello, Eileen!). But at the time in 11.04, Dean denies having considered it a real possibility for him. Despite having said something along those exact same lines in 10.16.

How much have I written about 11.11 and Dean’s heart-to-heart with Mildred about sunsets, and pining for someone, and… right. Okay. (there’s nearly 200 posts in that episode tag fyi. I’m not even gonna CONSIDER diving in there to pull references, or I’ll be there all night :P).

In 11.17 he gets the lesson hammered home that he can’t just throw away his own life in exchange for Sam’s. For the first time in his life, he’s confronted with the absolute fact that Sam’s life is not cosmically more important than his own. He doesn’t want Sam to suffer or die or to have to carry undue burdens on his soul (like the Mark of Cain… >.>), but that’s a reasonable thing to feel. It’s NOT reasonable to try to spend the rest of his life standing as that human shield between Sam and the rest of the world either, though, and he’s finally starting to understand that.

Then in 11.19 Dean makes a real breakthrough and FINALLY admits out loud and in front of Sam that he’s curious about what it’s like settling down with another hunter. He asks this of two men who are married to each other. Again, in front of Sam.

The s11 finale was ALL ABOUT CHUCK AND AMARA FINDING THEIR PLACE in a strange way. Not Chuck hiding out on Earth pretending to be something he’s not (a Dean mirror…), not Amara locked away somewhere like a prisoner, nor destroying all of creation in retaliation. It was all about balance, brought about by Dean Winchester.

So, that leaves us in Dean’s current situation. Mary’s suddenly alive again after all these years, Sam’s been hurt and taken by ??? and Cas was true to his word and stuck around.

Not only that, but Cas seems just as fierce and determined as Dean to get Sam back. Aah, brotherly feelings! Because THAT’S how Cas has learned (from Dean) that you take care of your brother. And really, I think that’s how Cas does see Sam. As a brother. It’s been a long time since he’s referred to Sam as the Boy with the Demon Blood, or “an abomination.” And Cas’s journey since borrowing Jimmy’s body and popping into that barn to say hi to Dean has also been about his friendship (and kinship) with Sam.

(I mean, just look at 9.11, THEY BOND OVER HOW SIMILAR THEY ARE! THEY TALK ABOUT HOW BOTH ANGELS AND WINCHESTERS CAN GROW AND CHANGE!)

I know this has largely been about Dean to this point, but when I started writing, I had no idea how much I really had to say on the subject. I was going to do a similar “this is your life” sort of segment for Sam, but It’s almost impossible to talk about Dean without pulling in relevant tidbits about Sam. So I’m gonna spend a (hopefully!) shorter amount of time talking about Sam here, specifically.

When Sam first met Cas, he was in awe of angels. Unlike Dean, he’d always had faith in a higher power. (He’d also always had Dean as a human shield against some of the worst of their young lives, which probably contributed to his ability to maintain that faith in what otherwise could’ve been a completely faith-destroying life… I mean, see Dean himself for the obvious compare/contrast here).

Sam had always felt “other.” The freak. Not even really all human. Living on the fringes of society yet wanting desperately to fit in and just be normal. He hated his life, hated hunting, hated not being normal. And then his powers kicked online and amped that feeling up to 11.

Poor Sam has spent so much of the series being the object of the supernatural that the only times he ever even tried to run away from the life he just got pulled right back in. He tried to run once during the Apocalypse, but that didn’t even last more than a few days before he was forced back in (in 5.03/5.04). The closest he got to escaping into normalcy was during early s8 while Dean was in Purgatory.

Nothing says family like the whole family being dead.

He drifted around the country aimlessly until he hit a dog.

He seemed to settle in for a brief time, but then suddenly Dean was back, reminding him that he had a duty to protect Kevin, and he’d failed. He’d never told Amelia ANYTHING about his life before he’d met her. Well, nothing REAL, anyway. Not the truth. Nothing about hunting or monsters or anything. So when his history finally caught up with him, his choice was an either/or. He couldn’t have both (not even like Dean had tried to do with Lisa, since she did know the truth about him. Sam wouldn’t burden Amelia with it, despite having demanded as his dying wish that Dean burden Lisa with it all…)

So Sam was adrift again, even though he had Dean by his side. Even though he had the bunker as a home base. It WASN’T a proper home by his standards. It wasn’t enough.

Enter the trials, enter Gadreel, enter the fight against the Mark, enter the Darkness… and finally Enter God.

(also enter Dean spending a month or so pining away and driving himself bonkers trying to save Cas from Lucifer)

And then… God couldn’t just snap his fingers and make this better. In fact, God was kind of a jerk. Or, at least, God was really freaking limited in his own ability to change. That’s one of the drawbacks of being absolute.

Free will is not included in the kit.

But Sam? Sam’s got it. And he chooses to exercise it LIKE A BOSS. SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER. CAN I GET AN AMEN!

Sam’s chosen all through s12 to stand up and defend what he believes in. Even in 12.01/12.02 when he felt like he had really nothing left to lose (with Dean gone, Cas banished, the Darkness vanquished), he still didn’t give in to his captors. He kept fighting for himself.

Because he does see the bunker as his home now. He’s also got this weird second chance to get to know his mother in a blank slate sort of way. He’s accepted her terms for how their relationship will proceed, because getting to know her AT ALL had never even been a possibility for him.

And we know he’s spent some time thinking about his future (his little retirement brochure and his box of memories). He’s spent time wondering what it might be like settling down with a hunter. He’s begun archiving the MoL records to make them accessible. He’s got a way to keep one foot in hunting and still have a relatively settled life. And he finally got Lucifer locked back up in the cage. He’s got hope for the future.

(well, he did until they got arrested by the secret service and tossed into some sort of black site)

Now on to Cas.

Castiel, Angel of the Lord. Arguably the most fascinating character progression in the history of television. He began as a completely alien being who was just rebellious enough and empathetic enough and curious enough to be swayed by humanity. Yes, he had a history of defying orders going back millennia, but he’s also been labeled as having “too much heart.” What a wonderful problem for an angel to have.

From wrathful soldier of heaven to homeless human struggling to survive, he’s experienced so much. And he’s been open to every last experience. He’s let humanity touch him and change him, all the while fighting to do the right thing for Heaven and Earth. He’s made some catastrophic mistakes along the way, and the weight of that guilt has affected him even more.

I saw a post earlier today about the line from the See Evil promo, where Dean says Cas is his best friend. Below that is an image of the “Friends to Lovers” tag from AO3. Because yeah, I mean, isn’t that the next logical step here? Their entire story has been a Strangers to Associates to Enemies to Associates to Friends to Associates to Enemies to Associates to Friends to whateverthefuck they were in Purgatory to Friends to Close Really Close Friends to Awkwardly Asking Out And Getting Rejected But Staying Heartbroken Friends to Bitter Exes to Friends to Brothers to “everyone you love will be long dead except for me” to ~Brothers~ to Old Married People Having A Spat Over How Much Cas Travels For Work With Dean’s Ex.

It’s ridiculous.

*glances up at this ridiculous post trying to determine if I’ve addressed your question even a little bit and realizes this is gonna have to go under a cut. WTF, self?*

Cas’s ENTIRE HISTORY ON THE SERIES, ALL OF IT, HAS BEEN A JOURNEY OF “FINDING HIS PLACE.”

I just watched 4.20 yesterday. That’s where I am in my current rewatch. He’s been struggling with what’s right, with what he should do, with where he should entrust his loyalty. Heaven’s orders don’t feel right. There’s something fishy going on up there, and his loyalty was wavering. After getting pulled back to Boot Camp for reprogramming, he tells Dean that he serves Heaven, not humanity, and CERTAINLY not Dean…

Well, it only takes him two more episodes to turn that around and tear up the script. For Dean.

THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN CAS’S JOURNEY.

As much as Sam has been manipulated by the universe, Cas has too. (remember what I said about Sam and Cas in 9.11? Yeah, that.)

Well as much as Sam and Cas have in common, the relationship between Cas and Dean has NEVER looked like that. There’s always been a distinct difference between how Cas and Sam relate to one another, and how Cas and Dean relate to one another.

But Dean being Dean, who doesn’t feel like he deserved to be saved, doesn’t have any clue what to do with an Angel of the Lord who put his faith in Dean. And Cas doesn’t have any clue what to do with this man who has called him brother and best friend, both of which taste a little bit like a lie, or at least not entirely like the truth.

(see previous comment about Old Married Couple, yet with neither of them realizing it)

I realized a few minutes ago that I’ve already written something about Cas’s entire journey (as it stood over the summer hiatus after s11), and how he’s always been headed toward this huge choice: Do you want to live as an angel, or as a man? I’d go digging for it, but *scrolls up through this entirely too long already post* I think I’ve spent enough time on this.

Cas has struggled with these HUGE questions. He’s tried to do what was right. He’s tried to reconcile his duty to heaven with the original mission God set for the angels to protect humanity. He’s met God himself and seen the entire story of creation resolve itself. And now? Now where does he belong? His story’s been paralleled to Mary’s this season. Mary who feels out of place and time and disconnected from the world, yet is tied to it by blood and family and humanity. Cas feels out of place because of WHAT he is, because he’s not human or blood (even if he is family… or whatever he reads into Dean’s assertions that he has a place with them, in their home, with the Winchesters).

It’s all about family, what makes family, and finding out how they all fit into each others’ lives. If given the choice, what would each of them decide to do?

TL/DR? Basically my point is this is nothing new. This has always been the story, no matter what the “bigger problems” they’ve faced over the years have been. It’s just become a much more tangible and dynamic part of the story in the last season or so. Meaning it’s become more important, if anything. For Dean, for Sam, and for Cas.

Take any of those three out of the story, and the whole structure collapses. They’re all equally important here. I don’t think anyone who says different has a leg to stand on. I don’t know what the fuck show they’re watching, but it’s definitely not Supernatural.

Not sure if I even really addressed the original message here, but I’ve been typing this for a couple of hours now, so I guess I’ve officially typed myself out. :P

#m-sherezade #winchester family dynamics #oh dean #sam fucking winchester #castiel winchester #mary f. winchester #too many episodes to tag them all #spn s12 speculation #this is an andrew dabb appreciation blog (except when it comes to car stuff)#here have my belated thoughts on the whole love... and love #the scheherazade of supernatural #dabb vs cars

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