#s: alejandra

[whimhaven]

san myshuno natives who run the local skate park 💥

[kwebtv]

Castlevania - Netflix - July 7, 2016 - May 13, 2020

Animated / Supernatural (32 episodes)

Running Time: 30 minutes

Voice Stars:

Richard Armitage as Trevor Belmont

James Callis as Adrian "Alucard" Țepeș

Graham McTavish as Vlad Dracula Țepeș (seasons 1–2, 4)

Alejandra Reynoso as Sypha Belnades

Matt Frewer as The Bishop (seasons 1–2)

Emily Swallow as Lisa Țepeș (seasons 1–2, 4)

Tony Amendola as The Elder (season 1)

Theo James as Hector (seasons 2–4)

Adetokumboh M'Cormack as Isaac (seasons 2–4)

Jaime Murray as Carmilla (seasons 2–4)

Peter Stormare as Godbrand (season 2)

Jessica Brown Findlay as Lenore (seasons 3–4)

Rila Fukushima as Sumi (season 3)

Jason Isaacs as The Judge (season 3)

Yasmine Al Massri as Morana (seasons 3–4)

Ivana Miličević as Striga (seasons 3–4)

Navid Negahban as Sala (season 3)

Bill Nighy as Saint Germain (seasons 3–4)

Toru Uchikado as Taka (season 3)

Gildart Jackson as Flyseyes (seasons 3–4)

Lance Reddick as The Captain (season 3)

Barbara Steele as Miranda (season 3)

Malcolm McDowell as Varney (season 4)

Toks Olagundoye as Zamfir (season 4)

Marsha Thomason as Greta of Danesti (season 4)

Titus Welliver as Ratko (season 4)

Christine Adams as The Alchemist (season 4)

Matthew Waterson as Dragan (season 4)

[caeric-arclight]

The Warning's new song is S!CK

[s-ad-ness]

Ojalá enloquezca o muera pronto.

Estoy segura de que pronto va a suceder algo.

No es posible continuar así,

tan sola, viviendo y llorando.

Y en resumen, ¿qué quiero? Ah, no sé, no sé.

Tal vez no quiero nada.

Pero un gran vacío, un bicho que es vacío, me muerde.

Siento que me duele el corazón,

y no hay solución para mí.

-Alejandra Pizarnik

[cgclarkphoto]

The Warning - S!CK

[milliondollarbaby87]

A Million Miles Away (2023) Review

A biopic about the life of Jose Hernandez and his path from being a farm worker and then training as an engineer, using that to work towards his ultimate goal of being an astronaut. ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Continue reading Untitled

[bob-the-movie-man-film-reviews]

Argentina, 1985 (15): Gripping Courtroom drama, on getting justice for "The Missing".

#onemannsmovies review of "Argentina, 1985" (2022). #argentina1985. A fabulous courtroom drama, Oscar and BAFTA nominated. 4/5.

A One Mann’s Movies review of “Argentina, 1985” (2022). So, with the Oscar nominations out, the mission has begun to try to fill in as many of the ‘gaps’ in my personal BAFTA and Oscar lists. And “Argentina, 1985”, nominated in both awards for “Best International Film” and a winner at the Golden Globes, is the first of those catch-up watches. And what a cracking and engrossing watch it is! Bob…

[autolenaphilia]

God, this is so weak. Sarah McBride just caving immediately to Republican transmisogyny with this bathroom law. Like we knew she was pro-Israel, but that didn't surprise me, most democrats elected to congress are, but i expected her at least to defend her own human dignity. Like, to paraphrase The Big Lebowski, "I mean, say what you want about the tenets of zionism, at least it's an ethos.", this is just spineless cowardice.

To be fair, I doubt this was entirely McBride's decision, i'm sure she spoke with the Democratic Party bigwigs and got told to just cave, because they wouldn't back her in resisting this. But that just further implicates the Democratic Party.

Like someone with a backbone would see this as an opportunity to do some civil disobedience and disobey this rule. Make a statement, resist. But, no, the Democratic Party is so tied to law and order that they see no room for even peaceful civil disobedience.

At least not in the case of trans women's rights. The Democratic Party elite already has been talking this past november that the reason Harris lost the election was because she wasn't transphobic enough. So the democrats might have decided to just let this outrage slide in the hopes of getting more votes.

Violating transmisogynistic bathroom laws is something ordinary trans women do everyday to survive, entirely without the privileges Sarah Mcbride has as a congresswoman.

In fact, that's exactly the women she is screwing over by not using that privilege to fight. As quoted in Erin Reed's article linked above: "Transgender advocate and Harvard Clinical Instructor Alejandra Caraballo emphasized the broader implications: “This isn't just about her. These rules apply to trans staffers and interns who do not have the protections and privilege that she has.”

Women who unlike Mcbride, don't have a private toilet connected to their office to use (every congressperson has their own office with its own toilet).

And as Erin Reed quotes in her article:

"Ash Orr, a transgender organizer in West Virginia, was equally critical: “Rep. McBride’s messaging essentially suggests that if a federal ban is enacted, trans people should simply comply. While I understand the difficult position she is in, she holds a position of immense power and privilege. She should be using that power to defend and protect her community, not falling in line. Trans lives are at stake.”

Clearly the #resistance against the coming second Trump adminstration is off to a great start /s

[vilaneeve]

I hate my job, it's hot, I'm sweating, I cannot tend to 46 people at once and I hate gringos* erupoeans tourists can suck it as well ❌

[aesthetic-bbyg]

SMOOTH OPERATOR- TOM K.

Tom Kaulitz x chola!reader

in which you and a group of friends walk into a convince store in LA only for you to end up crushing on the German boy buying beer and candy.

Nattie speaks: I came up with this while listening to music hehehehe. I was also torn between braids or dreads but ultimately I chose braids🤞

TOM SHUFFLED ACROSS the aisle of the gas station, eyes wandering across the variety of candy and occasionally glancing down at the crumpled up paper in his hand, scribbles of what everyone wanted hardly readable. He wasn’t familiar of the area, only being in LA for a few days for the tour but he was still sent off to find all the necessity’s to survive in the hotel a little longer. His black glasses were shoved up onto his hat, braids swinging down his back with each step while also pulling his baggy pants up. His hands were full of chips, candy, cookies, now his vision was directed towards the back freezers were the beer was stored.

Off in the distance he could hear a faint buzz, a booming sound of music being heard from a mile away and it only got closer. The lyrics of a Tupac song echoed into the store, a mixture of boys and girls stumbling in loudly. The one holding stereo grinned innocently, lowering down the music as the clerk behind the counter glared at him. Two girls trailed in after, you and your best friend, Alejandra, pinkies interlocked as you whispered about some teen pregnancy that happened downtown.

“Hurry up, or I ain’t getting you nothin’.” Your brother, Manuel, demanded, heading towards the food. His hair was slicked back, far too much gel layed on his dark locks to stick it in place.

The two of you headed down to the back, immediately searching for the cold drinks, you sharp eyes looked around the glass doors of different beverages. You gasped suddenly, wrapping your fingers around the metal handle of the door and pulling it open. A fresh breeze blew onto your body, contrasting against the hot sun that beamed brightly just outside. “Damn, Jandra!” Your friend jogged by you with curious eyes. “They released a sandía version of the Arizona Teas!” A big grin filled your face, grabbing the red tin can.

“Shiit.” Alejandra smiled, “Alright, you get the sandía and I get the mango, just so we got options.” You nodded, closing the door as someone walked behind you. You looked over your shoulder instinctively, catching sight of a tall boy, adorned in baggy clothing, a bandana wrapped along his hairline and long cornrows.

Tom had also taken notice of you the moment you stepped into the store, he turned to catch a better look but was met with your own eyes. For a moment, time slowed, both of gazed kept on each other, waiting for the other to look away. In the end, his eyes were lost behind a shelf, but you could see the way his lips quirked up into a smirk before he walked into the chip aisle.

You nudged Alejandra, removing her attention from the kids juice box section. You subtly nodded over to the boy who stood a few feet away, grabbing a bag of salty snacks. “He’s cute.” You whispered, Alejandra nodded in agreement smiling over at you knowingly. “Should ask I for his number?”

“Do it.” The girl giggled, revealing her pearly teeth that were caged behind a pair of braces. But, before you could walk over he began to make his way to the front, breezing past your brother and his group of friends who were going ham on the condiments. You huffed, walking by your brother to get a better look at him but still keeping it nonchalant. Your hands were inching towards a bag of Hot Cheetos, you brother loudly chewed on his hotdog, you stared over at him with a disgusted face. Alejandra opened up a bag of hot Cheetos, filling it up with cheese from the nacho section. You joined her, doing the same till your ear picked up a brewing commotion.

“In the United States you need to be 21 to buy beer.” The old clerk lectured, angrily glaring at the boy in front of him, a ID slipped on the counter that showed all of the mysterious cute boys information.

“But I am 19,” He pointed at the date of birth stated on the card, “that’s legal everywhere else, just let me have them.” The boy argued back, a thick accent in the back of his throat while he flailed his arms angrily.

“But we’re not anywhere else, we’re in the United States, it’s the law, kid.” The braid-haired boy groaned, taking back his ID and leaving behind the pack of beers, cursing under his breath in german. At that point the commotion had caught the attention of all the group. You stared as he stomped out the store, bag full of other snacks in his hands. Your brother and his friends snickered amongst eachother, you shoved his shoulder with a stern look.

“Yo, do him a solid and get them.” You muttered, your brother stared down at you, expression laid back and careless like usual, but he raised a brow.

“You gon’ pay for it o que?” (Or what) He questioned, “Cuz, I’m already payin’ for whatever you and Jandra got there, I ain’t spending my money on nothin’ more.”

You rolled your eyes, stuffing your hands into your pocket and pulling out the last bit of cash you had on you, placing it in his open palm. He smirked smugly, walking to get a pack before making his way upfront, the things got paid for, the cashier asking the same questions of did you find everything okay? as always, though his miserable tone was pitiful. As soon as you and the group stepped out the store, your brothers friend cranked up the volume on the stereo again, the song blasting from the speaker. From a distance you could see the same boy, leaned up against the ice machine, his snacks still in hand while the other held a cigarette between his fingers. His dark glasses protecting his eyes from the lowering sun.

Alejandra smiled at you, passing the pack of cold beers before cheering you on silently. You looked back at her before jogging over to the tall boy. “Yo, got these for you.” For a moment he just stared at you confusingly, cigarette burning down as the seconds ticked by. “I saw what happened in there, but don’t worry, we always got each others backs here in LA.”

You’d begun to think that maybe he didn’t understand you, he did have a thick, foreign accent while speaking earlier which made you assume that he may have a limited English vocabulary. You weren’t sure, but it made you nervous and awkwardly shuffle from side to side. But finally, he dropped the cigarette, crushing it under his shoes and lifting his sunglasses from his enchanting irises. He grabbed the pack, a smirk on forming on his pierced lips. “Thank you, beautiful, what’s your name?”

You liked his confidence, the nickname immediately making your smile and lean your head to the side flirtatiously. “Y/n, and you?”

“Tom.” He replied swiftly, eyes examining your body. The tight white tank top that hugged your skin, the baggy Dickies that belong to your brother hung low on your waist being kept up by a black belt, your ears gleaming with large silver hoops. You had a few tattoos scattered across the exposed skin he could see, your eyebrows were thinly drawn on, lips lined with a dark shade of brown. He liked you, adored your style. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Thanks.” You bit your lip, looking up at him through your lashes. “You fine as hell too, that’s why I wanted to ask for your number.”

“Yeah?” Tom lowly questioned, his shit-eating smirk only getting bigger. “Well you’ve got it, gorgeous.” He set down the beers, reaching for his phone in his deep pockets. You exchanged numbers, conversing a little longer, pulling all the flirty comments you could think of. You got him to chuckle a few times before he revealed that he was in town with his band.

“I like your glasses.” You hands reached forward, grabbing them from his head and placing them on your face. “Damn, these nice as fuck.”

He chuckled softly, staring at you. “Keep them.” You looked over at him, lowering the glasses to make sure that he meant it and wasn’t playing with you. “Gives me a reason to see your pretty face again.”

“Damn.” You stared at him happily before a loud horn blasted from behind you, you rolled your eyes, glancing back to see your brother looking back at you from red the low-rider car seat. “I gotta go, but call me guapo.” You smirked, waving your hand before walking towards the car. Alejandra smirked as she saw your happy express when you hopped in the open-roofed car. Tom eyes never left you as the car pulled away from the gas station and sped down the road, the whole vehicle vibrating as a rap song shrieked out the speakers.

“Who was that vato you were talkin’ to?” Manuel questioned, looking back at you from the rear-view mirror with a raised brow.

“None of ya’ business, mitotero.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms, head turning to stare out into the road, the harsh wind whipping through your hair. Alejandra smirked, leaning in closer to your ear.

“So, did you get it?” Your friend watched as your lips twitched, teeth coming out to bite back the grin that threatened to show. She giggled, shaking your body lightly. “Ohh, girl, you got that look of looove.”

“He fine as hell but love is a little much.” You replied, looking over at her with a mischievous smile. “He gave him his glasses, though.” You pull them from your head and passed them to her as she gawked at them.

“A la madre, this is some of that nice shit.” She examined it closely, staring at the Ray-ban logo printed on the side. Just then you felt a buzz on your thigh, you looked down at the phone as it lit up with a notification, an unknown number texted you. Immediately you opened it and smiled, Tom had texted you, a flirty greeting topped with a winky face. “I assume it your man textin’?”

“Cállate.” You turn your phone off, stuffing it in the side pocket of your pants. The text was only the first of many, Tom taking more interest in you the longer you talked, it wasn’t long till he’d taken you to his hotel room.

“Shit, fool.” You mumbled, tightening the belt around your waist as Tom chuckled, being the only audience member of your fashion show, aka you trying on his stupidly baggy clothes. “How so you wear this stuff everyday.”

He shrugged, throwing his hands up slightly. “I am a big man, I need big clothes.”

“No shit.” You scoffed, turning towards the mirror and staring at the huge shirt that looked more like a dress. “Should I wear this to the carne asada?”

“I think you should wear nothing, you’re sexier that way.” The Kaulitz boy smirked, doing that thing where he fiddled with the black piercing on his lip. You rolled your eyes and walked back into the closet, ignoring his comments as you dug through more of his clothes. In a few hours you and Tom would have to arrive at your tíos carne asada, Tom being requested to join by non other then your mother.

Tom was already dressed and splayed out on the seat, just watching as you struggled to find something, which why you ended digging through his clothes. It took an half hour before you came out satisfied, grinning widely as you put on your silver hoops.

The real problem came the moment you stepped in the backyard, your tíos home full of guest that you knew and some you didn’t. Either way a handful of them came up to with same comments how old you looked and how big you’ve gotten. Manuel came up with his little gang that constantly followed him around, it took him the longest to get sue to Tom. Though, it wasn’t long before your brother and Tom became friends.

“Wassup, ese.” Manuel he held a corona beer in his hand, using his free one to grab clap against Tom’s and bring him in for a swift chest bump. Then you ran into your mother, her expression going from a stern glare to a huge smile. Everything had went smooth so far, you were happy to be there, until a familiar voice squealed from behind you.

“Tomas! Mi Niño, mira que guapo té vez!” Your mother chanted, bringing him into a tight hug and planting her calloused hands on his cheek, he smiled shyly at her affection. The boy had grown to be a favorite, his charisma and cute looks making him popular with the tías.

“Mama, he just got here from Germany a couple days ago, está cansado, we just gonna sit and chill.” You attempted to reason with the woman, staring at your boyfriend apologetically. But you’d only made the situation worse, she gasped dramatically, looking back at the boy and ushering him to a table. She’s explained everything to all of the tías, which lead to him being taken care of for most of the night. He was constantly being checked up on, being handed plates of food, being talked to about the latest scandal of the neighborhood, it left you sitting with Alejandra, on the other side of the backyard.

“Que tienes, amiga?” The dark haired girl questioned, staring at your frowning face and squinted eyes. She could practically feel the heat of annoyance radiating of you.

“They took my fucking man!”

heheheheh, this just a short little thang I decided to write bc why not,🤷‍♀️y’all already know that Tom would have the aunties in a CHOKEHOLD!! I also had to rewrite the last half of this bc I forgot to save it so sorry if any parts of it seem rushed or short!

[savebylou]

Louis & Louies' messages on the Live Album.

I transcribed all the messages of the album that Louies wrote as well as the message of Louis so is easier to read it. All of them are organized by photo.

The birmingham show will stay in my mind for a long time as one of the happiest nights of my life, it was really special, thank you louis <3 - Lucy H

You motivate me to have faith in the future that despite the moments we can move foward - Alejandra D

You are the greatest I love you so much lots of love and support from Pakistan - Alina K

Being able to hear "Chicago" in Chicago was an amazing experience as someone who grew up in Chicago. It made the song feel unique - Amy S

Thank you Louis for sharing this live album with us, for including us fans. It means the absolute world to us. WE LOVE YOU!!! - Archisha D

Thank you for coming to Greece, it means the world to us greek fans <3 - Efi C

Louis' live shows are truly my happy place- so grateful to have experienced them as they've helped me through so much! - Julia S

The Brisbane show was unlike anything I've experienced. The crowd was a wall of sound, support and strength for Louis. Amazing! - Karly O

Is super special for me to be involved in all these moments. I feel like I'm part of a family :) - Lais C

This album means everything to me! Hearing it live was one of the best experiences in my life! - Lovis W

Louis Tomlinson's tour just made everything better ❤️ ❤️- Megan I

This album moved me in many ways and was even better to hear live at concert. To go through the emotions, us together, was mighty, a gift. - Merel VP

Thank you for doing these live versions, now I feel part of the concert even if I couldn't go. Love you so much! - Milena M

This tour has given me SO much! It's awesome to connect with other people that enjoy and love the same music as you do. Love from Costa Rica - Priscilla A

Dear Louis. Your world tour rocked! Thanks for sharing your passion and talent with us all. Can't wait for what's next! #LouisTomlinsonTour - Mitali J

So happy that I was born in an era in which Louis Tomlinson exist :))))) - Niayesh N

Louis being at your shows is the definition of happiness and joy. You gave your all at the shows and we couldn't ask for more - Nora Z

Louis tour was amazing and will always hold a special place in my heart. Being able to experience the shows again through LIVE is a gift - Olivia R

Seeing you and listening to your music was the best feeling ever. All the love x - Daria O

This tour has been an unfforgettable tour that'll undoubtedly remain in the memory of all of us who have attended. We love you Louis - Paulina E

My favorite memory of the tour is when he played the greatest. The atmosphere made goosebumps run through my body. Hope to see you soon - Payton N

It was amazing to see you on tour in London and I had the best night! The atmosphere in the o2 was incredible! Thank you for the memories! - Rebekah J

Thank you for making me feel seen! So proud of you and everything you've achieved! - Rhiannon J

Thank you for this. Thank you for making me feel included. Thank you for making me feel home <3- Saida N

Ir al concierto de tu artista favorito es un sentimiento completamente inefable, y con LIVE, es posible recordar esos lindos momentos -Brida H [translation: Going to a show of your favorite artist is a sentiment that words can't explain and with LIVE is possible to remember those beautiful moments]

Thank you for the chance to make so many amazing, lovely, talented and kind new friends <3 - Sam W

Listen to this album feels like a celebration to all that Louis has achieved in his solo career! He make us fans feel so proud!! - Smital P

It's crazy that I'm from the other side of the world to you but still listen to your music!! You have come so far! I love you !! - Sienna MB

Louie, Melbourne Concert was perfection - nearly lost my voice from singing every song. Your music brings pure happiness. Thank you forever - Stacey K

Louis your music resonates deeply, touching hearts with its autenticity. Thank you for sharing your talent and being an inspiration - Tae M

Louis is the reason I've got myself surrounded by people whom I can call family. Forever proud of you and your accomplishments. - Navya P

Genuinely the best experience of my life! I've never had so much fun and it was just the best atmosphere and the loveliest people!! - Tiggy S

Thank you for being your autentic self, and allowing us to do the same - Vera S

Thanks for the memories of a lifetime you gave us with these 2 tours. I had the BEST time. Always by your side. - Victoria V

My first concert experience was yours and to be honest, it couldn't be more amazing! - Doğa B

memories, relationships, the opportunity to live my best life is something that I will always associate with this tour, thank you for that - Wiktoria P

I'll never forget the feeling and the love of the crowd in Bilbao - Daniela M

Louis came to my home country and I went alone to the concert. I met so many amazing people. I didn't feel alone for a second :) - Yoana I

You will always be the person i adore the most <3 - Sofia R

love you louis, very proud of you x x - Kayley N

i'm so proud of you <3- Abi R

louis thank you for making life easier <3 -Aina J

you are incredible I saw you three times live and I loved each time. Thanks to you I met the most special people in the world. Ti amo -Gulia A

Experiencing both tour alongside Louis is something us fans we will never forget. Thank you Louis for the environment you've created for us -Aleena H

I'm in love with the way you think faith in the future is such a great concept as well as an album <3 - Alex H

Be your fan, see all that you've made its incredible, im truly thankfull for being able to see all of this- even miles away -Ana Clara

Seeing what Louis has done these last few years is incredible, and it makes me proud to be part of it :) - Anna J

So much love from Australia and I love FITF - Annalise D

Faith in the future for ever - Anya M

He knows how to connect with people through his music, you dance or cry but you FEEL every song. Louis makes you feel alive with every song. - Melany A

I flew from NZ to his Aussie show in Brisbane. It was one of the best nights of my life. I think that sentence speak for itself. - Ariah C

Hi louis, I just wanted to say thank you everything. Love you so much and we are very proud of you. You make us feel so safe ❤️ - Arina Y

Louis Tomlinson is a genius. Incredible experience with this live album. Lots of love ❤️ - Arshi K

I love Louis from Mexico Guadalajara some tequila shots in your honor legend - Noemí F

I still remember the electric magic the second I saw you. We've never felt more loved and honoured that we shared our greatest night w/ you. - Arushi R

thank you Louis!! Being able to hear this album live was the greatest day of my life and it will always be one of my favorite memories!! - Ashley H

I really loved the show in Greece, thank you so much for coming, i can't wait to see again live on stage. - Athina K

The FITF tour is one of, if I say the best tour and atmosphere in the whole universe. It feels like home to most of us Louies, proud of you Lou! - Ava MW

singing walls live was the most magical moment of my life n im lucky enough to have it inmortalize in a live album, i'll thank u forever - Aylen D

I speak for a lot of people when I say that this tour gave us happiness and a reason to wake up in the morning. We love you so much Louis - Bailey F

Your concert changed my life and I watch the videos every single day - Bella K

By far the best show I've ever experienced!!! I really miss the feeling of watching Louis perform!!! - Joelina W

Louis has created more then just music. He's created an environment where friends are family and love is unconditional - Bess L

You are us and we are you. There will be a never-ending collaboration between us. Because together we're the greatest!!!! - Beyza E

Faith in the future tour has showed me that eventually you will be rewarded for everything you worked for and Louis is the best example - Saul B

Give Louis Tomlinson a listen, you'll become a fan. Listen to him live and he'll own your heart and soul. The most beautiful voice!- Laura B

This tour was the best concert of my life thank you for creating the most amazing bond between you and your fans! - Brianna W

Faith in the Future, but also Faith in Louis - Camila R

You are extraordinary thank you for simply being you, I love you from Chile - Camila F

i went to 4 cities on FITFWT and people asked, isn't the same each night? no, louis made it special, each show was an adrenaline rush - Angel C

Together, over the last 3 years we have created memories that will live with me forever. Thank you for making it all possible - Louis T x

FITFWT, Brought fans from all ages and countries together. It is an experience you need to experience once in your life. - Cassie I

Heart warming and breath taking tour. Louis always out does himself, and his love for the fans is forever spectacular, we love you Louis! - Catarina B

Louis' music has helped me through my worst. He told me to not let it break your heart, and that time takes time to heal, I believed him - Chaitali M

I'm so proud of you Louis, both this album and Walls are masterpieces and I hope to see more music from you in the future! -Cynergy HK

this tour meant the world to me, i was feeling really lonely during my first semester of uni and getting to attend tour gave me comfort <3 - Chloe B

i loved every second of this thank you Louis for making many dreams come true <3 - Berra O

So excited to be part of this amazing project. Proud of what Louis has done over time. Here 4 u since 2011, mate. Thanks for everything. - Daniela L

Your presence in my life is priceless. Your music guides me through tough times, and I'm incredibly proud of your success as an artist - Danna G

You and your songs are my safe place. You are the best I love you :) - Dayana S

Well done Louis you are amazing. Love the album. Xo - Donna M

I can't even tell you how much I enjoyed the show! Thank you so so much Louis for this amazing experience <3 - Déníca B

[Note: the t-shirt of the last photo says "Gracias" that is thank you in Spanish. I wrote the messages as it's written, if they wrote a mistake I didn't fix it, I did my best but if I made a mistake on the transcription or how I wrote a name please let me know so I can fix it]. x

[dearorpheus]

Are there any non-fiction you can recommend for people who are fascinated by your blog (especially the elements of dark eroticism, morbidity and horror)?

🖤 love that you are loving!

i will try to stick to non-fic (also refraining as best i can from re-recommending texts from previous asks but there is of course bound to be some overlap): - The Severed Head: Capital Visions, Julia Kristeva -> read about Aubrey Beardsley's illustrations for Salomé (x, x)

and supplement w Baudelaire's Une Martyre "in which the narrator lovingly contemplates the beauty of a woman's severed head at rest upon a nightstand"

- Masochism: Coldness and Cruelty & Venus in Furs, Deleuze - The Sadeian Woman: And the Ideology of Pornography, Angela Carter - Aesthetic Sexuality: A Literary History of Sadomasochism, Romana Byrne - Perverse Desire and the Ambiguous Icon, Allen S. Weiss - "Must We Burn Sade?", Simone de Beauvoir -> read also about Erzsébet Báthory, the Bloody Countess. supplement your readings with Borowcyzk's Immoral Tales (1973), Julie Delpy's The Countess (2009), Alejandra Pizarnik's La Condesa Sangrienta and/or, if you have the stomach for it:

Lorna's death in Hostel Pt II (2007), inspired by the Countess^

- Anaïs Nin's diaries + Henry and June - Abject Eroticism in Northern Renaissance Art, Yvonne Owens

Hans Baldung Grien "gave powerful visual expression to late medieval tropes and stereotypes, such as the poison maiden, venomous virgin, the Fall of Man, 'death and the maiden' and other motifs and eschatological themes, which mingled abject and erotic qualities in the female body"

- Satanic Feminism: Lucifer as the Liberator of Woman in Nineteenth-Century Culture, Per Faxneld - The Library of Esoterica's Witchcraft - the biographical Taschen on H.R. Giger's oeuvre—biomechanical, Lovecraftian-tentacular fused limbs, bodies, systems, overtly phallic/yonic symbology, darkly psychedelic... very much fantastically erotic; I have my eye on the 40th Anniversary Edition

Giger, as we know, having designed the xenomorph from the Alien (1979) series to have an intensely sexual evolution:

- DEFINITELY read about+explore ero guro (see also: Bataille's L'histoire de l'œil / Story of the Eye! though it is fiction)

brief introductory articles here and here but it's truly so rich and decadent... delve into it!! film, lit, manga, history, so on... -> watch Nagisa Ōshima's In The Realm Of The Senses (1976) too

- if you can read French by any chance, Le Corps Souillé (The Soiled Body) by Eric Falardeau looks incredible; if not, this excerpt alone is delightfully provocative even in isolation - similarly, L'espirit de plaisir: Une histoire de la sexualité et de l’érotisme au Japon (The Spirit of Pleasure: A History of Sexuality and Eroticism in Japan) by Philippe Pons and Pierre-François Souyri is something I'm hoping might see an English translation

^an excerpt from an interview with the authors

- The Art of Cruelty + The Red Parts, Maggie Nelson - Crucial Interventions: An Illustrated Treatise on the Principles & Practice of Nineteenth-Century Surgery, Richard Barnett - The Butchering Art, Lindsey Fitzharris - Death, Disease and Dissection, Suzie Grogan - The Theatre and Its Double, Antonin Artaud - Men, Women, and Chainsaws, Carol J. Clover - House of Psychotic Women, Kier-La Janisse - The Monstrous-Feminine, Barbara Creed - Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers, Sady Doyle - The Lady From The Black Lagoon, Mallory O'Meara

[baul-de-frases]

Lo único que me haría bien ahora es reírme muchas horas y con muchas ganas, pero no tengo con quién reír ni tampoco de qué. Ojalá pudiera llamar a S. y bromear.

Alejandra Pizarnik; Diarios.

[dancingtotuyo]

Scathed 9 (Javier Peña)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: anxiety, trauma, self worth, smoking, idiot(s) in love?, references to the drug war and colombia, Narcos season 3 spoilers

Notes: shoutout to my forever beta reader @janaispunk for looking this bad boy over!

Words: 2923

Series Master List | Author Master List

Journal Entry August 4, 1994  Dear Javi,

There are things I can’t bring myself to say. Even out on the back patio under the safety of the stars, I can’t tell you how scared I am that you won’t come back. It terrifies me. I did life without you for so long, but I’m not sure how to go back to life without you in it. We’re going to miss you alot. 

You won’t ever see this, but please come back. 

This time would be different. It ran on repeat in Javier’s head as he stared out the large windows that overlooked the buzzing city. New position, new apartment, new drug cartel. This time had to be different; he couldn’t get lost in it like last time. He took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself to start back at the DEA in the morning.

He unpacked his last suit case, having put it off since his arrival Friday night, the one that contained his few treasures in life. Framed photos from Chucho: the ranch, the two of them, an old family photo with his mom. A crayon drawing from Alejandra: both of them on horses. A bottle of whiskey from Jaime. A journal from Emily. 

“To write down all those thoughts racing through your mind. Even the ugly ones,” she had told him.

He set it on the end table next to the family photo with his mom. This time would be different. A silent oath. 

Alejandra’s drawing went on the fridge, the bottle of whisky on the counter, and the other pictures on the bookshelf. He looked around. It all felt scattered, empty, nothing like the apartment he’d made for himself last time. 

The familiar urge to go out, drink a couple of fingers of whiskey, and take a warm body home crept in. He fought against it. He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. This time had to be different. He’s promised himself over and over again it would be. He promised his dad he would call and write. He told Emily the same… 

Could he be here and not let it consume him? Could he be soaked in it all and still talk to her? Be worthy of her friendship? Being here, he felt the sins of his past marring his hands, so real and tangible. The same hands Emily allowed to touch her, what a privilege that was. The same hands she felt safe in. 

Javier thought about all the things he used to do when these thoughts raced through his mind when he couldn’t handle the big emotions: bars, cigarettes, sex. Too many times to count. His fingers itched at his side to grab his leather jacket and go. 

He paced the length of his apartment running a hand through his messy hair. Then it caught his eye: something sticking out of the journal. He pulled it out. 

A crisp envelope with his name written neatly in the middle: Emily’s handwriting. He popped it open. Polaroid pictures. He shook his head thinking about the grief he gave her for carrying that thing everywhere, but a smile appeared on his lips. There was one of him standing in the riding rink as Ale trotted around him on Hurricane. Another taken on the patio just last week: he and the kids eagerly chowing down on popsicles before they could melt in the Texas sun. He could see the red ring around Mateo’s mouth and drip down his chin as the sun beat him. One on the small dock next to the boys and his dad, lines cast into the pond Chucho stocked on the ranch. Javier smiled. Miguelito caught the biggest bass that day. Chucho had been dumbfounded. 

He sucked in as he flipped to the last one. It was the picture Alejandra had taken at the park just after he told her he was returning to Colombia. She leaned into him, an ease rarely seen in her. He’d caught a whiff of her shampoo, followed her lead, and leaned in. His thumb rubbed over the picture. He’d put an arm over her shoulder, her hand on his knee it all looked so… peaceful, domestic even, like they were- He cut the thought off, letting the picture fall to his coffee table. 

For so many reasons, that was a bad idea. 

He padded his pockets, finding the Nicorette gum. He popped the last piece into his mouth. He should grab more on his way to work in the morning. 

The Polaroid stared back at him. He looked happy, wrinkles cutting deep around his eyes. He picked the photo back up. He had been happy that day. Happier than he could remember even as he grappled with his decision to return to Colombia. Black ink on the back grabbed his attention. Don’t forget about us, okay? Her handwriting again. Her words to him that day.

He smiled to himself. That was his friend. He wasn’t sure he’d had one of those for a long time. Sure, he and Steve got along, but Steve was back in Miami. They still talked about once a month, but the bond he felt toward this woman was different. He and Steve had been forced together. They had to trust each other. Their lives had depended on it. Javier’s life sure didn’t depend on trusting Emily, but he did. She didn’t judge him. There were still things he hadn’t told her, and vice versa, but he knew when he was ready, he could. 

Javier slipped the photo of them into his wallet. This time was different.

He grabbed the phone off the end table and called his dad. The conversation was brief. The last thing he wanted to do was run up anyone’s phone bill, but he could tell his dad was happy to hear from him. He’d rarely received communications from Javier when he was in Colombia the first time. 

His fingers hovered over the buttons as he contemplated the second call. He told her he’d call. She told him to call. He pushed past the anxiety, pressing the buttons succinctly. He had it memorized. He checked his watch. It was bath night in the Kuykendall house. He knew that, but usually, the kids were bathed and in bed by now. 

Javier smiled as he thought about the few times he’d stumbled into bath night. It was true chaos and an event, but every single person wore larger-than-life grins. It was one of the times Javier felt like he was a part of something bigger than himself, like he’d been brought into something sacred. 

“Hello?” Anna answered. He could clearly hear the laughter of children and adults in the background. 

“Hey, it’s Javier… I can call back if this is-“

“Not at all.” He felt Anna’s welcoming presence through the phone. “Emily just came out of the bathroom.”

“Bath night.” Javier chuckled. 

“Exactly,” Anna called for her stepdaughter. Javier couldn’t hear their exchange over the shouts coming from the living room. 

“Javier?”

An ache in his chest eased. “Hey, sounds like a madhouse there.”

Emily laughed and the sounds muted as if she’d shut them behind a door. “Dad seems to have extra energy to chase the kids down tonight. How is it to be back?”

“Strange.” Javier glanced out the window. The city flowed like it always did, people rushing from place to place. “I’ve got a nicer apartment this time.”

“Of course you do, Mr. DEA attaché.”

Javier chuckled. “That sounds too fancy for me.”

“You said the same thing when you bought those suits and I gave you that snazzy new haircut.”

Javier grinned, resting against the countertop. His eyes fluttered shut as he remembered the feeling of her fingers through his hair. His shirt stretched and pulled across his chest as he inhaled. “Still sounds too fancy for me.”

“You ready for your first day?”

“No.”

Her laugh crackled through the line. “Then why’d you go back.”

At that moment, Javier wondered the same thing. He’d much rather be back in Laredo chasing the kids around the living room. “I’m askin myself that same thing.”

“Then do it. Tell the DEA where to shove it and come home.”

He smiled, low chuckle pulling from his chest. “You and I both know I have unfinished business here.”

“Yeah…” Silence sat between them. He could still hear the kids in the background. Javier wracked his brain for the right things to say, but everything he wanted to say he couldn’t. “Finish it quick, okay?”

“That’s the plan.”

“And stay safe. I can’t lose one of my only friends.”

“Oh?” Javier said. He felt an easiness take over him. “What about Lorraine? I thought she was your friend.”

“I said one of, and you’re my best friend anyway.” He can hear her eyes roll. “I mean it though, we all miss you already.”

“Tell the kids I said hi, okay? I’ll call another night when there’s time to talk to them.”

“Will do.”

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I should be saying that to you.”

“Em.”

“I will. I promise,” she said. “You too, Javi.”

Journal Entry August 8, 1994 Dear Javi,

I bet you spend all day behind a desk and hate every moment of it. It makes me laugh each time I think about it. It assures me that you’re okay too. Fancier job means a safer job, right?

As his first day back came to a close, Javier felt like he’d been there for a year. When he found the sticky note with the name of a nearby bar on his desk presumably left by Neil, he told himself one drink wouldn’t hurt. This time would be different. The mantra felt almost meaningless already. Similar things had been echoed in his meetings all day. This wouldn’t be like Escobar. There would be law and order and protocol. Politics were more important than ever. The world was watching now. 

One drink and then home. That was what he told himself as he sat down at the bar, ignoring his coworkers at the corner table. Pulling off his suit coat, he motioned the bartender ordering a whiskey. He turned down Neil’s invite to join the group. The guy was too eager to kiss his ass for Javier’s liking, put him up on a pedestal for taking down Escobar as if he hadn’t been suspended at the time. 

He swallowed the whiskey as soon as the glass was set in front of him. Then, he ordered another. Javier wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but it was too long. He rubbed his thumb over the crease of his forehead trying to talk himself out of the opportunity for stress relief sitting in front of him. The group in the corner had dwindled to two. A blonde he hadn’t met and the brunette he met at the beginning. Neil had introduced her. Karen? Katherine? Katie?… Katie sounded right. 

His staring wasn’t subtle, wasn’t flirtatious like he’d used to do it. If anything, it was creepy, staring at her while thoughts raced through his head. The mantra shortened until it was only a couple words as he tried to talk himself out of it. Different. Be different. It echoed over and over in his head. 

The bar was practically empty by now. She looked up and smiled at him like he wasn’t being a creep. He didn’t return it, still deep within his own mind. 

“Pretty girl.” Javier’s head snapped around to find fucking Bill Stechner of the CIA at his side. He slid onto the stool beside him. “Displays some shaky judgment in men though.” He looked at Javier.

Javier glanced away from Bill, looking over his shoulder as if to convey his annoyance with his whole body before turning back to him. He forced the briefest tip of his lips, the closest thing to pleasantries he could summon for the man. 

As most conversations with the CIA agent do, Javier was left with a sour taste in his mouth, the innate craving for a cigarette, and his failures thrown in his face. Then, Stechner laid it all out for him, the way things would go whether Javier liked it or not. Cali’s surrender. The facade of justice for the Cali Cartel. He didn’t like it, any of it, and he wasn’t sure why he came back in the first place, or why they even needed him. The DEA didn’t. He was just a pawn in Stechner’s game. 

“Cali will serve some time,” Bill said. He doesn’t look at Javier, keeping his eyes pinned to the bartop. “Technically speaking.”

“And that’s enough for you?” 

The look that crossed Stechner’s face is something akin to a blend of annoyance and patronizing as he met Javier’s eyes. “If there were any justice in this world, Javier, you’d be in jail.”

It was only half a second before Javier averted his eyes, the shame of what he did flooding him. He wasn’t the hero everyone acted like he was. Stechner knew that. Javier kept quiet. 

“I know your guys are running an operation on Cali tonight.” Bill stood, putting enough cash on the bar to cover his and Javier’s tabs. “I can tell you this, it’ll come up double zeros.” More silence. “These guys don’t make mistakes. You try and go after the Cali bosses, all you’ll get is more bodies.” 

Stechner finished off his drink, patted Javier’s shoulder, and walked out without another word, leaving Javier with a bigger stress headache than he came in with. Try as he might, Javier couldn’t push it out of his head. He needed something, a distraction. He wouldn’t survive without one. 

Javier finished off the whiskey in front of him. He rubbed his forehead, searching for any relief. Different. It seemed quieter now, further away like his resolve was slipping. He needed to be anywhere that wasn’t here, shut off his brain.

He stared straight ahead, eyes glazing over, shining in the dim bar light as he pinched his top lip between his thumb and forefinger. Different. It felt useless, like he was bound to fail. A whisper of an oath. Maybe there was no different for him.  

It was almost instinctual, the way he glanced over, eyes meeting hers. She offered him a soft small now sitting alone at the table, cigarette held between her middle and pointer finger, like she had been waiting for him.  

“This is Peña. Leave a message.” BEEP.

“Hi Mr. Javi! It’s me, Ale. I miss you already. You should call me soon.” 

“Alejandra, who are you on the phone with?”

“Mr. Javi’s voicemail.”

“Ale, it’s expensive to call Colombia. Hand me the phone.”

“Oops.” She giggled.

A long sigh crackled over the line followed by a pause. “Hey Jav… I guess I’ve paid for the next couple of minutes, I might as well use it. I suppose you’re already working late since it’s after eight. Don’t let them work you too hard, okay? And you should still return my call.” More dead air. “It feels silly to miss you as much as I do. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in days… Oh! I got into that class I was waitlisted for. Anne is willing to work with my school schedule so I still get my hours in at work.”

“Mommy!” A voice calls out in the background as a crashing sound follows it. 

“Shit” The machine clicked off. 

Javier woke up tangled in his navy sheets with the same stress headache and a greater hankering for a cigarette than he’d had in months. Katie slept soundly on her side next to him, back facing him. Her brown hair spread out over the pillow. She hadn’t tried to cuddle, and thank god she understood what last night had been. 

Without a second though, he reached for her purse, careful not to wake the naked woman next to him as he eased into a sitting position. Relief flooded him when his fingers glided over the pack of cigarettes and lighter. 

There was no hesitation as he put the cigarette to his lips and flicked the lighter to life. The nicotine flooded his body for the first time in months. Finally, he found some relief. 

Journal Entry  August 13th, 1994 Dear Javi,

I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sure you’re okay. Dad said there were no reports of anything happening. You’re just busy, with your first week back and all… 

Alejandra asks every morning if you called her back. Mateo asks too. I think he’s hoping for stories of chasing down bad guys. Even Miguelito asked about you. 

We all miss you so much. 

Javier played the voicemail over and over, but he couldn’t bring himself to call back. He hadn’t lasted a day into the job without reverting to old habits. He’d fooled himself into thinking things could be different, into thinking if he did this the right way, if he brought down Cali the right way, he could be worthy of her one day. 

The whiskey burned on its way down. 

Journal Entry August 15th, 1994 Javier, 

I swear if you went and got yourself killed on your first week back, I’ll never forgive you. I won’t even say any nice words at your funeral. Imagine that, your best friend holding back all the nice things about you. The world can just remember you to be the asshole you showed them.

Seriously though, signs of life would be appreciated.

…………………………………………………………………..

Taglist: @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @burntheedges @southernbe @fanyyoouu @greengirlwurld

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @weho2kcmo

[bebemoon]

official nyfw s/s '25 schedule

o6 sept | area, brandon maxwell, grace ling, libertine, collina strada, willy chavarria

o7 sept | campillo, simkhai, prabal gurung, who decides war, tibi, monse, sergio hudson, khaite, kim shui

o8 sept | ulla johnson, ph5, off-white, jason wu, sandy liang, bach mai, 3.1 phillip lim, eckhaus latta, tommy hilfiger

o9 sept | kobi halperin, carolina herrera, naeem khan, dennis basso, twp, aknvas, tory burch, anna sui, coach, laquan smith

1o sept | meruert tolegen, toteme, 5000, rachel comey, cos, patbo, kate barton, loveshackfancy, wiederhoeft, michael kors, elena velez, cynthia rowley, luar

11 sept | kallmeyer, alejandra alonso rojas, ronald van der kemp, jane wade, sebastien ami, frederick anderson, presley oldham, melitta baumeister

[thestudioattic]

Alejandra

S. Cartwright, 2024

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