#s art still has me on a chokehold to this day

[ghduck]

The Art of Shit Stirring: The Story of My Life

by Troglodyte

CHAPTER 3

It had been apperent that by second grade, there were a few concerns about my behavior; negatively speaking. Second grade had been an interesting ride I'll say. It was around this time that I had got a new music teacher.

Whos name was Mr. AdCOCK (Laugh all you want)

My new friends and I, as well as other students in my grade at that point would normally make fun of him for his bald spot, horrid singing voice, and his teeth, which were extremely yellow.

I don't care if he sees this writing someday. He can fucking kick it.

I had a massive obsession with video games around this age, usually gushing over Mario and Sonic games whenever I could. That's how I found my best friend at that point, who had the name of Knowledge.

There was also I girl in which we hated each other, and I would casually attempt to start a fight or argument with her for no reason. This happened almost every single day. Somehow my parents never got called over this, and I'm still in shock.

Anyway, our teacher at the time, is still one of my all time favorites, mostly because she got hilariously angry to the point of breaking her own possessions.

FUNNIEST. SHIT. EVER.

I believe the only real time I got in trouble in second grade, was when I said something inappropriate in the school bathroom (which I will not repeat). My teacher ended up calling my Dad over the situation, which I don't remember how it ended.

When third grade hit around, this is when I had my first "crush".

Oh christ.

At the time, I was in the third grade, while she was in the second. I recall getting playfully bullied for this interest, to the point of my cousin telling her herself. Later in the year, we became closer friends, but we were too young for relationship s anyway. I haven't seen her since 4th grade.

Throughout third grade, I also had many mental meltdowns, to the point of destroying school property (Which leads to question myself on having an anxiety disorder mostly later on in life). This was the last time my crying phase stopped, as well as temper tantrums.

My brother had revisited the popular game "Alien Hominid" on the Xbox 360 at this time. I remember being around 3 to 4 years old watching my brother play the bloodiest, most vulgar flash games on newgrounds.com, and alien Hominid was one of them. Although it was mildly gory, it was helly fun to come back too. Even nowadays, I still come back to this game.

That's how I aslo discovered the game Castle Crashers.

Third grade was also when I learned about sexual content on the internet. (We won't talk about that)

Then when fourth grade spun around, this was when I started switching classes. My math/science teacher was very cool though. She had a great sense of humor, and we often had a great relationship. It has become known to me that my behavioral issues also stopped in this grade.

During the middle of the year, I struggled with a few things mentally, constantly thinking I was a failure, due to me don't ng quite poorly in my grades. But, that got sorted out within a month. My friends at this time were very "show offy" I'll say. They often got in more trouble than I ever had at any time before hand.

Then things all went to shite months later.

When the month of March came around, BOOM. Pandemic takes a chokehold of our life's and we are all stuck at home.

Here are some artifacts from 2018-2020

[khickuwa]

My thoughts on “A Dream of Benji” - Luke’s Fluffy Fuzzy Time Card

so I had the privilege (or the misfortune, depends on how you’d view it lmao /lh) of getting and reading Luke’s new FFT card. I haven't seen anyone talking about it yet, and I have many thoughts about it so.... To anyone who hasn’t read it yet, beware I’ll be discussing spoilers (come back when you’ve read it please I promise you you won’t regret it) and as everyone else probably mention it’s probably best to read this after the FFT event (or at least after completing Benji’s route) 

BUT I MUST SAY, this card has surprisingly became one of my favorite Luke cards (in  terms of the art as well I mean look at THEM(tm) LAYING DOWN IN A MEADOW OF FLOWER... MISS ROSA LOOKS SO ESPECIALLY PRETTY HERE LIKE) right up there with Luke’s 1st anniversary card “Under the Milky Way” and Luke’s “Shape of You” card. I know everyone is probably saving up for the second anniversary (I really need to save up to I haven’t been playing as much last month) but if you do have the s-chips to get the card like... *grabs you in a chokehold* it’s so good. I promise you it’s really worth it.

Though disclaimer!  These are just my thoughts (I’ve been up all night thinking about a virtual dog... Please I Am Not Okay) feel free to disagree! I’ll be discussing about character death and Luke’s illness, so if you ain’t good with that feel free to skip this!

Okay, moving on.

Hoyoverse. What the actual fuck. (YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A CUTE CARD? CUTE EVENT? TAKING CARE OF VIRTUAL ANIMALS?  A FLUFFY FUZZY FUN TIME!?!? WRONG. ABSOLUTELY WRONG.) This whole card was so incredibly devastating and yet it’s so hopeful at the same time. They really hammered in the idea of “inevitability” and “hopeful anticipation”  irt actualbird's journal of NXX Investigation Team Behavioral Studies. To me at least, this card is like everything that makes Luke... Luke... condensed into a card.

About Benji  (you sweet sweet boy):

Immediately right in the first story, Benji is admitted into hospital and it’s very much obvious that... Benji, a retired 9-year old military dog, doesn’t have much time left.

Benji, obviously, is very much a parallel to Luke Pearce... As I was reading the card, Benji’s situation almost feels like a peek into of what could be Luke’s Future... what could become of Luke. Once great and majestic dog plowing through a vast field of snow, saving hostages along side other agent... now so frail, the wear and tear of old injuries, old age and illness is finally getting to Benji. 

...and in Luke’s own words: “Is he still the same Benji from my memories.”

Luke and Rosa decides to take Benji into a dog park, where they hope to give Benji some sort of “freedom”... for Benji to finally some semblance of living life as a normal dog. It still had to be catered in a way that was familiar to Benji... and this is sort of scattered around through out between the event stories and the card. eg. making custom training dumbbells, planning training regiments, recreating a hostage situation. Even when Benji is retired, he's still yearning to go back... eg looking back to the direction of military base. Because in the end of the day, that’s all Benji Knows. His Whole Life has Always Been a Mission to Benji.

Then Mr. Henderson, a man in the dog park who's also grieving about his late dog, who's also a retired military dog. And while Luke was able to open up to this man, as both have/are going through the same grief. But MAN did that interaction cause Luke to spiral downwards.

Even in what I would say Benji’s last moments with Luke and Rosa, the way that Luke had to dismiss Benji of his “duty” this way. (I’m not okay, I’m not okay, THIS DIALOGUE WRECKED ME)

About Luke (ah here we go again):

After being subsequently punched multiple times in the face by “LOOK BENJI/LUKE PARALLELS, LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT!!!”

As I’m going “NO BENJI UWAH QAQ” every second through this card... I also can’t help but fear for Luke. It really made me think that... let’s say even if NSB drops Luke the moment he was diagnosed with the illness and three years left to live, I really do wonder if he would’ve been able to cope with it... or otherwise live with himself? 

Luke as we know it, has this whole self deprecating deal of avoiding and hesitating happiness. The way I see it, he often times try to make himself seem "small" in a way, that he prioritizes other people's needs first before his own. And I would imagine the last thing he'd want for himself is to become a burden/useless. If one day Luke does retire from NSB, one would think that he'd be free... but not really either. I can imagine him being sort of like "what now?" (i can sort imagine luke entering this phase of adjusting back to normal life when he's back in Stellis. this brings me to the headcanon of luke's... questionable lifestyle is a product of Luke having to readjust to normal life /i’m sorry i made fun of your kitchen and my boy, you probably had to make do what with what you had.)

If think about Luke lying in a hospital bed, nearing the end of his life. I'm Going To Lose It (tm). But looking at Benji all old and sickly... I really can’t help imagine that IF it were to happen, it would probably go down the same way it did for Benji. (I Am Going To Cry)

Anyways, after the conversation with Mr. Henderson, Luke spirals down into thoughts of "if I didn't left you, would things have been different?", “we could’ve been happier, if only I had made the “right” choice. (and I wanna grab him by the shoulders and then scream at him “LUKE STOP BAD >:C”)

About Rosa (YOU GO GIRL SLAY):

NOW, HONESTLY. ROSA REALLY DO SHINE IN THIS CARD. HER RESPONSE TO BENJI. HER RESPONSE TO HER SAD LITTLE BOYFRIEND GRIEFING AN SPIRALING DOWN. THIS IS WHY SHE IS THE MC(TM) AAA

but more than that, this card somehow not only showcase her strengths but also how this somehow becomes a weakness as well (at least to me). 

Rosa to me, comes off someone who really looks on straight ahead and her focus on what she can do in the present, in contrast to Luke’s tendency to focus on past regrets and uncertain tomorrows. I would argue that she also has this like- perseverance/stubbornness against adversities and I would say that her solutions also come off as very head on?. (could you imagine having to argue with your lawyer girlfriend, like nah... you ain’t winning for sure.)

(”But that’s for dogs” I’m laughing through TEARS OMG - Luke is Dog-Coded FR) But Rosa in here is really ain’t letting Luke go, forcing Luke to Actually Look into her Eyes and tell her What’s Wrong. (LukeRosa nose booping omg...this is how they comfort each other in my head from now on) Which yes, sometimes I think Luke does need someone who can hold him back before he retreats, but also at the same time... after this exchange, Rosa realizes that it’s not really quite enough to erase his worries. And I think this is also the exact moment Rosa realizes that not all problems could be solved immediately... sometimes you have to let time do its thing and just.. sit with it. 

(Rosa calling in an animal psychologist... like did she just searched on up in the internet for consultation like pls Rosa) In Story 5 (I’d put in every screenshot from this part if I could), we go on the Benji’s “rescue mission”, I kinda enjoyed how Rosa does fumble a bit here and there... though with good intentions, perhaps the overly familiar environment was over-stimulating to Benji? which caused him to attack Luke somehow... But anyways... It seems that Benji still thinks that he’s on service and it’s not when Luke “dismissed” him of his “duties does Benji stop and Luke, just so full of grief, wondering why Benji couldn’t just forget the past. And Rosa really isn’t holding back with her words when she says:

“Why does Benji have to forget the past?” “

Have you ever thought that perhaps Benji is proud of himself for being a military dog?” 

“You said before if Benji wasn’t a military dog, he could probably lead a happier life.”

“But Luke, you and I are not Benji, We can never understand Benji’s true feelings.”

“And we can’t just make wild guesses about whether Benji would have ended in a better situation if he had made a different choice...

“Because it will never happen”

Because it will never happen....

MISS ROSA I-

“But how are you sure a “perfect and flawless” choice exists in this world”

“Luke, are you sure that if one makes a different choice, one’s ending will be better?”

I just really love Rosa for this because she just so... incredibly focused in the present and taking one’s autonomy. And this is probably so reassuring to Luke (and to me) cause she’s basically saying “regardless of what happens, we will be fine.” 

And I don’t think Rosa has ever blamed Luke for leaving, for having a dangerous job, nor for getting diagnosed with only 3-years left to live. SHE JUST LOVES HIM SO MUCH OUEUEUEUEUOOO!!! Even. EVEN. if Luke’s condition does turn for the worse, I really do think that Luke is in very VERY capable hands. AND THAT’S SO REASSURING TO ME? As much as I Really Don’t Want Luke to Die (Please Find A Cure For Him), but just the thought that Rosa is going to be there for him (just as he will be there for her) regardless of whatever happens to the both of them, it will always be the “best ending”.

I’m just so happy that Rosa’s answer to Benji’s case is really just to ensure that Benji lives the last few days of his life... happy. and IT’S SUCH A ROSA ANSWER PLS... Even with Luke as well, even with knowing all the risks of staying with Luke, she’d rather make the most out of the remaining time they have. But even so, she’s still so full of hope! “As long as we’re not at the end of the path, there’ll be boundless possibilities” 

Luke is the Definition of Devotion, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT ROSA? It’s so subtle, but I really can’t deny that Rosa does really really really love Luke too, in a way that she’s going to be there for him... for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. (HOLDS THEM BOTH IN THE PALM OF MY HANDS UUUUUOEOEOOEOE)

When Benji finally passes away peacefully in a quiet afternoon, with Luke and Rosa at his side, I really do think that this is the best ending for him. RIP Benji, you were the goodest boy. 

[oswlld]

oswlld's monthly wrap up: february

note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb

--

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, Taylor Jenkins Reid [started 02/04, finished 02/13] I recall an article calling out TJR as one of many authors that are pro-israel and haven’t seen anything that disputes the claim. I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation anyways, so I’ll pass on leaving a review. — After Dark, Haruki Murakami [started 02/06, finished 02/21] What I admire about what Murakami accomplished with After Dark was achieving the right level of simplicity to bring out the tense undertones in the magical realism. I also really enjoyed being invited to float with the story, almost breaking a fourth wall and interacting with the spaces. 4⭐️ in storygraph. — When We Cease to Understand the World, Benjamín Labatut [started 02/24, still in prog] I am only about 50 pages in and I am already ill. Too early to form an opinion, thus I’ll offer a snippet of the book description: “A fictional examination of the lives of real-life scientists and thinkers whose discoveries resulted in moral consequences beyond their imagining. When We Cease to Understand the World is a book about the complicated links between scientific and mathematical discovery, madness, and destruction.” Feels very timely reading this at the same time as watching Three-Body and then Oppenheimer in the next week or so.

High on the Hog: How African American Cuisine Transformed America, Netflix [started: 02/02, finished 02/07] WOW!! Wowowowowow. Wow. This needs to be a mandatory watch, even though we are at the end of Black History Month. It’s a well curated journey through the slave era to present day, from shores of Africa to all areas of the US. It’s so empowering and inspiring. Don’t wait until June or next year, please educate yourselves and open your heart to this show. — African Folktales Reimagined, Netflix [started 02/02, finished 02/08] I heard about this show through an article posted on Short of the Week last year and immediately put it on my watchlist. What a wonderful choice of directors for this series. Such strong visionaries and visuals. My favorites out of the six stories were Enmity Djinn and MaMlambo. MaMlambo still has a chokehold on me. MAJOR trigger warnings for this series is under the cut. — Three-Body, Viki (also avail on YT) [started 02/19, paused on 02/26] Trigger warnings for this series is also under the cut. With that said, I have a very personal connection with Three-Body Problem, both the novel and the physics problem, so taking this show on has been my entire world. When it comes to tackling my watchlist, shows that have a substantial number of eps/seasons gets split into chunks, so that I can tackle them over a number of months. For this series, I divided the 30-epsiode series into three ten-episode parts that will take me from February to June. I’ll post an official review when I finish over the summer, but for now I will say I very much enjoy having my brain turn into goo after every ep. What an explosive first outing. I will be resuming this show in April for eps 11-20, where I’ll be reunited with my beloved war criminal.

Over the Moon, Netflix [watched on 2/10, DNF] So unfortunate that I started this and could not finish. I hope to get back into it in May, so I can talk about how beautiful it is. Gotta do it for Glen Keane. — Sky Ladder: The Art of Cai Guo-Qiang, Netflix [watched on 2/11] I…. I think I am going to let this quote from the film speak for me: “In the 60’s, when American astronauts landed on the moon, that was really good news, even in China. But I was sad because I thought I would never make it to space myself. But later on, I realized that art could be my space-time tunnel connecting me to the universe. If there was an opportunity, I would like to make a ladder into the clouds. But the purpose of this ladder wouldn’t be for me to go to space, it would be to encourage a back-and-forth, a dialogue.” I MEANN!!!! Yes, I did go into this film already aware of some of his works but I didn’t really know a lot about him. What I admired most was his joy and child-like wonder when he’s interacting with his art. I loved witnessing him act like he’s 7 yrs old again, especially in that air balloon scene. There’s also a moment when he’s become complacent in his projects, settling on the bare minimum to get a job done. When the art of creating is stripped of the art, what is left of Cai is very clear to the viewer: he is frustrated, he feels suffocated, he’s used. Alternately, towards the end of the film, he brings it back with “Yes, a lot of artists do things that are too commercial. It lacks some compulsive and sincere emotion that should exist in all art. Collaborating with [unknown artists] will always remind me of the pleasure I felt and my original purpose for doing art.” (Fascinating to compare his turmoil with the govt whilst working with Netflix.) All in all, this film did a great job telling a story about the magic in enduring passion projects over time. In this case, his Sky Ladder being a fourth attempt at a impossibly large scale dream project. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place with this film, but I’m still finding new things that really speak to me as an artist. — Your Name Engraved Herein, Netflix [watched on 2/18] I thought I had this gifset on my blog but it turns out I may have just DM’d @forcebook about this and didn’t rb, but anyways I saw this and thought hey this has the potential to ruin me lemme put it on my watchlist. And now over a year later, I finally got around to it. Well… it’s exactly what I ordered, it definitely ruined me. I mean, when they come at me with “Maybe more people would understand me in hell. Make it easy for me and help me go to hell,” what else am I supposed to be but ruined. I want a sequel, I need their reset.

There are more to add to the movies category, due to Oscar season, but I’ll save them for a separate post, with all my thoughts on the films/shorts I was able to catch, for Oscar weekend.

Ella Sings Gershwin, Ella Fitzgerald with Ellis Larkins at the piano [first time listening] One hobby I picked up during the pandemic was growing my vinyl collection. I found this vinyl in 2022 with the intention of finding more from this era/genre. Not much movement since then, since vinyl purchases only happens once or twice a year. Suffice to say, I am so happy that the quality is still in tact and it makes me want to get back into vinyls soon. Current top 3: My One and Only (What Am I Gonna Do), But Not For Me, and Soon — Wicked [relistening] One thing you need to understand about me is that Wicked was my first musical hyperfixation. I used to spend summers on the train to the city to catch the raffle drawings and when my name was picked, it would be the best $25 well spent to be seated front row. And when I was not in the city, the CD would be on repeat in the car on my long drives going to and from home and college. My introduction to YT was watching all of the bootleg clips of every casting. All the Eden Espenozas and Stephanie J Blocks and Kerry Ellis’. All the Kendra Kassenbaums, Megan Hiltys, and Annaleigh Ashfords. And yes, all the Aaron Tveits don’t look at me. I’ve seen almost all facets of this show enough times to start frankenstein-ing together my version of Wicked. All this to say that my love for this show remained dormant for over a decade, until the movie trailer for part one came out. And then *SPLASH* I immediately jump in head first into a slime tutorial just like that. Long ago, I watched Kara Lindsay’s broadway vlogs without having seen her Galinda and now I can say I have seen the light, she’s just as immaculate as I imagined she’d be.

Welcome to Night Vale [recurring/catching up] I typically catch up on this podcast seasonally, since I find that this show is more enjoyable when I binge it. This time around, I have fallen more behind and needed to catch up on 11 episodes. My favorite eps: A Car Crash on Buellton Avenue (Ep 232), Sister Cities: Vermillion Falls (Ep 239), and He is Holding a Knife (Ep 240). I will admit that there was a period of time, maybe four or five years ago, when I dropped the show for reasons I cannot recall now but I am glad that I stuck around.

And now here are some tw to keep in mind:

AFRICAN FOLKTALES trigger warnings: domestic violence/abuse, child abuse, attempt(s) of suicide, drowning, and miscarriage.

THREE-BODY trigger warnings: The plot centers around solving the mystery behind scientists committing suicide on an international scale. Scenes ranging from allusions, thoughts of suicide, to moderate depictions of suicide.

[takusan-no-ai]

Thieves Gold

PAIRING: Arsene x Female Reader (Romantic) (Fluff)

SUMMARY: (Y/N), Holmes’ assistant, unintentionally sparks a romance with the phantom thief.

It was any other day in London when Holmes got a letter from some rich noblemen; apparently Arsene was planning on stealing their luxurious, once every one hundred years, gem. Passed down from generation to generation only to be taken by a low life thief.

Sadly, it wasn’t the end of it. Countless nobles were being targeted by Arsene in one night. All of them got letters and the police were on high alert everywhere throughout London. For once, Holmes and Watson were actually frustrated at a case. Of course, they didn’t give up.

And thats where she came in, (Y/N), their assistant. A junior in training to Holmes and Watson, as well as a quick learner. She rose up in the ranks at the police department which earned her the attention of the greatest detective duo known in London.

“(Y/N), pardon the sudden invitation, but I’m afraid we have a mountain of work to do and require your assistance.” Holmes said, offering her tea.

“It is quite alright Mr. Holmes. I look forward to working with you again. Now, I’ve heard from gossip that this has something to do with that gentlemanly thief?” She asked. Holmes nodded, motioning for Watson to continue the conversation.

“He is targeting multiple high ranking officials and intends to steal an extremely rare family heirloom from each in one night. And he claims he’ll do it all within one hour.” (Y/N)’s mouth dropped. The shock of such an absurd statement clear as day on her face.

Holmes chuckled, saying, “This is where you come in (Y/N). With the cooperation of the police, we were able to determine routes Arsene would have to take in order to succeed his mission; there are only two, and one of them leads to a dead end.”

“And you want me to—” she was quickly cut off by Holmes.

“I’ll go one way and Watson goes the other.” (Y/N) was confused once again. “Arsene could have any number of people working alongside him to achieve this goal. He has excellent charisma and is a professional at espionage. We want you to travel to every manor and keep an eye on all individuals. Your skills will be needed here.”

She nodded, understanding the situation; Arsene has them in a chokehold where any choice could still leave him with an absolute victory. “Every move must be calculated to a tee.” She thought. His plan was so outrageous yet masterful she couldn’t help but smile, feeling an ounce of respect to the mad man.

Hours passed and it was time for Arsene’s famed high risk robbery. (Y/N) was currently stationed at a noblewoman’s manor, where a crossroads split between Arsene’s hypothesized route.

She walked around, calming down the agitated rich folk, locking most entry points, and doing background checks on everyone in the building. As she’s on lookout, a strange feeling began to seep into her stomach. And a chill ran up her spine; her instincts were telling her to check the ruby. Her instincts got her to where she was today, and she wasn’t about to doubt them.

She ran towards the vault, careful not to alert a panic with the civilians. She looked inside, and there was the ruby, safe and sound. She sighed, “Thank goodness.”

“Indeed. Thank you.” A pistol was held to the back of her head, with a ragged voice speaking to her.

(Y/N) was practically leaning over the vault, and so she slowly turned around, a nervous smile on her face. “Hello…Arsene.”

The man laughed and proceeded to pull off his face, only to reveal a much younger, and more attractive one; the one and only. “(Y/N). I don’t intend to hurt such a sweet young lady, so move aside.” He commanded.

She didn’t budge. She looked him right in the eyes. Thinking back on her training with Holmes, she quickly disarms Arsene and pins him to the ground, leaving the man flabbergasted. “Since when did you know martial arts?” He asked.

“You may know your fair share about Mr. Holmes, but he didn’t let you know everything.”

Arsene kicks her off, his overwhelming strength nearly knocking her out cold. He grabs the ruby from the vault and looks back at (Y/N). Immediate guilt comes over him. “A gentleman should never hit a lady, especially when she’s just doing her job.” He smacks himself on the head and helps her up.

“Sorry dear, but I’ve got a fortune to make.” Before he can leave (Y/N) grips his wrist. She looks at him, smiling, with her eyes gazing at him so brightly it was blinding.

“It was a pleasure to finally meet you face-to-face, Mr. Lupin.” He blushed and ran off, continuing to rob every other nobles house. (Y/N) sat on the ground, thinking back to her conversation with Holmes and Watson.

“Before night tolls we’ll cover every window, and without the police or nobles knowledge, swap every valuable with a fake. That is why we really brought you here (Y/N); after all, you’re our famed underground forger.”

After Arsene’s robbery was complete Holmes, Watson, and (Y/N) discreetly returned all the real valuables to the nobles. However, word still got around that Arsene had failed to take the real deals, and it reached his ears.

“Ughhahhhha!” He screamed, punching the wall on his boat. His entire face was red from anger. “Damn you (Y/N)!” He shouted one last time before slumping on his bed. “I’ll get my revenge…and when I do…,”—he smiled, a blush forming on his face—“I’ll just have to try harder.”

In the end, despite how frustrated he was, Arsene finally met his match. Certainly, his robbing sprees were going to be much more interesting.

- Fin

[azmaarts]

Petition to Unalive Backgrounds.

The title says it.

ORIGIN STORY TIME!!

Thanks to the recent hype, I'm being reabsorbed into the Blue Lock franchise/fandom. My sleep schedule has shifted back from 12:00AM to 3:00AM. I've been high off of endorphins reading the official paperbacks, and now hangovers are whooping my gluteus maximus. ;-;

Anyway, it all starts with my love for ma boi, Nagi. I read this series back in 2020 or 2021, and to this day, one of my favorite scenes is the one where he scores the first goal at the U-20 match. So, naturally, I wanted to set my new phone wallpaper as that!

30 minutes of Googling, Binging, and Pinteresting... nothing.

How?

IDK.

With no satisfactory wallpaper, I looked at my drawing tablet and thought, Well, fak it. Imma do it myself. *inserts Thanos meme*

And that's how the nightmare started. :D

I find my references, and BAM. Sketch done. Pretty EZ cuz I had a solid vision in mind already.

A quick greyscale filling and dramatic eye color.... and I was done!

But on hon hon! YOU FOOL!

Curled like a shrimp, I stared at my new lockscreen. (Maybe this is a lesson for me to never stare at my art for more than 5 minutes.) Strangely, I felt a churn of dissatisfaction (or midnight hunger).

Maybe I should add some more saturation.

Maybe I should try...

Adding the background?

And so, after two days of trying to draw grass and people instead of seeing their 3D counterparts (JK, I still had to go to work and utilize my vernacular amongst those fleshy beings)... I finally finished.

OK. Maybe not finished finished...

Who am I kidding? Give me another three minutes to stare at my new lock screen and I'll probably start learning Blender to 3D animate my wallpaper or background or smth.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. UwU

*Yoinks you into a chokehold*

Who's your favorite Blue Lock character(s)? :D

[dearlolitaa]

Dear beloved,

The evidences of your existence are still lying here and there in my life. It might be that movie you suggested for us to see, that band you really wanted us to go to, that art exhibition you really liked, no day goes by without thinking if we would've been able to achieve our make believe plans if things would've been just a little different. My life in it's entirety felt yours. Not in the way that you owned me, in a way that I belonged. Some place I could always return to when the world seemed too repulsive. I still feel that belonging even though you're not there anymore. I still feel that we had a space we could call ours regardless of us being us or not. Your voice still puts me to sleep at times like these as it always has before many a times, it's really funny I haven't heard it lately and might not be able to in the future but I kept a piece for myself to always savour. But it has gotten stale. Only if I kept consuming it, it'll kill me probably. I'm already dying a little each day, it feels so heavy under the impression of my residual love for you. Pushing it takes away all my willingness to even look at myself in the mirror because then I get reminders of how worthy you made me feel then and how worthless you left me feeling. The synchronised wave of that voice note seems to have a chokehold on me. I want to keep decoding it like Braille yet I know there's nothing more with those voice notes, Just you and the love you felt for me back in the days. I feel this desperate and heavy longing in my heart that you might return but my conscience keeps stabbing me for betraying myself while still trying to survive after being betrayed by you. Maybe there will be a time when I won't need to listen to your voicenotes or re read the poems you've penned for me to make sense of our story. But I wonder if some pages have gone missing and I will never be able to rewrite them again. Find them again. And put them back to their original place, with us in the space I used to call home. I miss you.

Regards

S

[seijorhi]

👁️👄👁️

I'm alive, sorry I fell off the face of the earth for a few days there (I was unwell - new anxiety meds and all that jazz)

BUT!! I have much to say, both about your new fic and obviously one of the older ones, so here's an extremely belated / extended ART&RCSW <33

Firstly, Maelstrom was incredible, it changed the way I live my life

I don't even watch Trigun Stampede but good lord did you get me hooked on the characters - not to mention, a good poly fic is always the way to my heart

The twist of the secret bastard brothers?? Incredible. Delicious. Amazing. And the not so subtle hatred they have for their father?? The fact that the only good thing to come from him was their darling sister?? My gosh, you've got me wrapped around your finger Rhi

Though I must admit, the whole reveal and the part where reader is being lead to the throne room gave me anxiety - you always manage to surprise me with the way you set things up, and I mean that in the best way possible

I can't say anything about the characterisation of Vash and Knives because I don't watch the show, but I imagine that as with everyone else, you've done an amazing job

Also the sense of hopelessness at the end?? Because like, there's literally no escape - the best type of ending in my professional opinion

Next up on the agenda, we have a fic (series??) that I know you're not particularly fond of, but I absolutely love

Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you, your Hawks / Dabi soulmate fic - it has me in a fucking chokehold

It's literally everything I love in a fic - soulmates, poly relationship, yandere, it's just amazing

The slight sprinkle of angst kinda feels like a punch to the gut, but in a satisfying way - not to mention, the fact that Natsuo still keeps in touch with the reader even though they don't really have a connection aside from Touya kills me, he's so sweet

And poor Keigo (he's insane but I do not care <33)

The way my stomach drops when the reader realises that she has another soulmate will never not be a great feeling, but the way she knows instinctively that something is missing because Dabi isn't there really is painful

Like I said, I know you've said you don't really like the series, but I'm here to reassure you, I loved it, so rest assured, the hard work didn't go down the drain <33

I'm also really sorry for disappearing for like two or three weeks :// But I'm back now (??)

Anyway, I hope you've been well, drinking water and sleeping and whatnot <33

See you next week Rhi (I hope??) Lol :))

BBY I MISSED YOU <33

i hope ur doing okay, i am sending you all the forehead smooches and love!!

ahh but this ask is so nice!! honestly i was so worried about posting maelstrom cuz it's a new fandom for both me and sort of in general – i know the manga and old anime have been around for a while, but for most people it's new – and i wasn't sure if people were actually going to read it

turns out you did anyway, not knowing any of the characters vhgfjdksjdhfjdks it's always such a huge compliment when that happens. it's actually how i found my way first to bnha and then to haikyuu so, yeah, it makes me happy to see it's the same for you guys

as for through the cold... hoo boy. i did have big plans for that one, and every month or so there's a part of me that wants to either delete part 2 and start again, or delete the entire thing and start again, with better execution this time. i may not be as in love with bnha as i used to be, but hawks and touya, and that particular storyline (i am if nothing else a sucker from the soulmate trope gone wrong)

but also... the part i hate about series, and one of my biggest gripes as a writer is when there's a demand for part 2's and 3's but then it's crickets in the notes. part 2 kinda flopped and idk if it was because it wasn't great or if people just couldn't be bothered to leave a response, so while i do occasionally have the motivation to continue it i don't know if it's actually worth while or if anyone (aside from you haha) would be into it. but then i think about all that delicious angst and keigo and touya being jealous assholes and... hmmmm.... vghfjdkjhvfjdks

in any case, i'm glad you liked it and it was very sweet of you to send this ask and i adore you.

also, pls take care of yourself, and don't apologise for taking the time you need. i, of course, live for these asks and seeing you in my notes, but it's never a necessity. your mental/physical health always comes first <33

[starrypawz]

Tagged by @moonisthedoor

tagging if you want @kruk-art @mihqorio @impossible-rat-babies @myrkulyte @beholdme

𖦹°‧★ Favourite song(s): Oh man this is always a hard one I'll give you a few that seem to have had me in a chokehold for various reasons

Twin Skeletons Fall Out Boy (this one just came back and hit me like a truck a while ago as I was so obsessed with that song when the album came out)

The Funeral Yungblud (Just ough also Gerry coded af)

King Florence + the Machine (It's been over a year and it's still got me good)

Psychopomp Hozier (I think it's my song off the new album but also I haven't had the emotional strength to listen to the album again as i listened to it beginning to end and it wrecked me)

Don't Fear the Reaper Blue Oyster Cult (my forever number one, my ride or die, my rotten solider my good time boy the fact i got obsessed with this song at age 11 is probably a good sign i'd eventually become a goth yes i am aware it is not a goth song ok but the vibes ok it's THE VIBES)

Black Me Out Against Me! (This song came and kicked me in the face and I went thank you)

Big Bad Wolf In This Moment (How did I not know this band existed until recently I have no idea but it's so my vibe I'm almost mad about it I also want to steal all Maria Brinks makeup looks)

Flesh babychaos (can't describe what it is it, just vibes good and it legit made me get tingles)

𖦹°‧★ Favourite colour(s): black, grey, purple, silver, turquoise

𖦹°‧★ Currently Watching: (Go watch Emily she's a great youtuber to watch if you like casual chatty alternative subculture themed videos)

𖦹°‧★ Last Movie: In terms of cinema movies The Barbie Movie it was very good, I don't think I've actually really watched any movies on streaming lately

𖦹°‧★ Sweet, spicy or savory: Sweet tbh but also the best combo is sweet + savoury and you can fight me on that (salted caramel though)

𖦹°‧★ Relationship Status: single, and likely to stay that way and i'm good with it

𖦹°‧★ Current Obsession: fandom wise still mostly TMA, FHR and The Passenger, although apparently Eddie and Elio are coming to the surface again. and then apparently my brain has been going on a bit of a philosophical/spiritual kick currently you're all getting subjected to I guess it's what happens when you finally get medicated for adhd and your brain goes OH GOOD I CAN THINK THE BIG THOUGHTS NOW AND NOT GET DISTRACTED and the autistic part of my brain is like 'I have control now >:3'

Also after playing the demo a while back I'm like 👀 at what's wrong with sunny day jack (I can't believe i've essentially gone a bit googly eyed over a big buff clown man but also)

𖦹°‧★ Last thing I googled: killstar top with mask so i could show a friend a shirt i own

this is the shirt btw

[alittle-annihilation]

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG • 20 OCT 2024

finally got to do warped 2004 😭 this weekend was beyond incredible and i am so glad i was able to go! acknowledging that wanting a band to keep putting out the same album is Bad, i really did love the concept of celebrating a particular album, especially those that came out at an approximate time period. how many of these were in the same rotation on my fucking ipod shuffle clip in 2007?! i’ve said this before but this era has always been a fave musically to live through initially as an angsty pre/teen and now finally getting to see live as an adult has been such an experience. it really felt like a rare treat

anyway, every year from 2002 to 2012 was shouted out during the say, the number of “who had this on your myspace” or “who ripped it off limewire” was hilarious. i got to see so many bands that i didnt think i’d get the chance to see and even if i hadnt listen to them in literal decades, it was a nice reminder of why i did like it back in the day. even if everything was crap as a teen, the music was always a highlight and i’m glad we got to come together to celebrate that

highlights / thoughts

pierce the veil ft kellin quinn king for a day LIVE 😭😭😭 the way it was on my soccer pre-game playlist. the way i BLOGGED about that song on THIS blog

i always forget simple plan was early emo exposure to me. i had no business listening to no pads no helmets just balls in the year when when i was 7, but i did, and i sure was a kid whose life is a nightmare. i sure was writing lyrics to welcome to my life in my history notebook in 6th grade. like damn those are roots! ANYWAY THEY PLAYED MY ALIEN!!!!

unfortunately unironically the entirety of 3OH!3’s set was So Good. i listened to want so hard late middle school / early high school and it was like a sleeper agent was activated inside of me and i remembered every word perfectly. yes this shit was absolutely cringey as hell to watch, but i still got down

TRAVIS MCCOY OF GYM CLASS HEROS CUPID’S CHOKEHOLD ‼️

i really liked fob’s different background nods to their different ~eras. i would love to see an extended set for these bc the attention to detail was BEAUTIFUL (patricks hat changes, album art rendering, call backs, etc) for just 2 songs per section

but also lets talk about folie a deux. and las vegas. and how the CD was a christmas present for me 2008 when we were there visiting family and how i spent every night in the desert with my walkman listening to that album and hanging on to every word. and how fob played SO MANY FOLIE SONGS!!!!!! including my love headfirst slide. anyway all that said she’s my winona is the ultimate folie/vegas song for me and i would have Died if they dragged her out

also taking a moment to be grateful that they did not bring out brendon urie. like that could have been a reality. i had the thought that it could happen for a 20 dollar nose bleed sitch and did NOT speak that into existence. thank u emo gods

my chemical romance literally puts on a good performance every single time. THE CHILLS

also seeing the moment gerard sits down, looks up, and smiles into the camera (u know what im talking abt) in real time made me cry

it was so interesting seeing the different bands interpretation of “play this album” the ones who faithfully did it front to back by tracklisting. those who changed up the order but stuck to the album. to sneaking a few other crowd favourites in here and there. to just playing what the fuck ever

not band related but i was pretty impressed with accessibility & visibility at the festival. it’s likely i simply wasn’t paying attn at other fests, but so many ADA sections, so many ASL interpreters, kulture city, and lots of water/med tents every few steps. i was glad to see everyone getting to enjoy what has been one of the best music experiences i’ve been to in a while

that said holy fuck my joints, my wrists are still not ok, and im completely sleep deprived. i am feeling 30 babey

bands seen (*denotes full set)

neck deep

mayday parade*

underoath

we the kings

3OH!3*

the story so far

coheed and cambria

cobra starship*

simple plan*

taking back sunday

the starting line

motion city soundtrack*

bayside

pierce the veil

jimmy eat world*

a day to remember

boys like girls*

fall out boy*

my chemical romance*

[magimimkymomo]

[doomedandstoned]

Swedish Sludge Masters GLOSON Issue Harrowing New EP, ‘Mara’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

In the summer of 2012 in Sweden, a group of individuals came together with a solitary goal in mind: to create dark music offset with the smallest glimmer of hope. Instead of being inspired by political and religious themes, the band turned to their own personal and internal wastelands to see what would manifest from their subconscious, writing within this very cruel world.

GLOSON has always represented one of the finest names in progressive sludge metal, on par with Sumac, Intronaut, and Bible Black Tyrant. The band graciously appeared on last year's Doomed & Stoned in Sweden compilation and has long been a favorite of mine, going back to the Yearwalker days.

On Friday, April 8th, the foursome from Halmstad take the leash off of this 15-minute two-tracker, 'Mara' (2019). I do believe mara is Swedish for nightmare. The band confirms this:

"The concept of our new EP 'Mara' is about our subconsciousness while being asleep; being stuck between the realm of dreams and reality. Portraying personal demons has usually been the agenda of Gloson, and the most graphic and terrifying ones occur during such states."

Lyrically and musically, "Usurper" sets the mood quite effectively, enveloping the listener in the fog of somnambulance, with all the tense feelings of helplessness that accompany a bad dream (that eerie synth, just subtle enough to be sensed, is largely responsible for discomfort we feel). According to the band, this song "is about when you are the protagonist of a dream and have to wade through oceans of unreal horror that dwells within."

Some of the words remind me more of the waking nightmare this world finds itself in, where at times it feels like we've somehow been spirited away into a surreal alternate dimension where everything is rapidly digressing. "Is this the world we were given?" Gloson asks rhetorically. "Is this the world we would flee?" Certainly the answer to the first question is "yes," and increasingly many of us are giving a reluctant "yes" to the second question, too. If it's a world we no longer feel at home in, it begs a third question still: "What are you going to do to change it?"

On the flip side is "Equinox," which the band describes as a different kind of nightmare, "when you yourself are the antagonist and the chokehold of everything that is real and unreal." The last song hinted at the cultural, spiritual, and political manipulation that has us all turning against one another ("Ravens randomly strike through the shadow, 'til the end they're striking through me"). This often leads to majority populations looking for a scapegoat to their economic and social problems. I'm not sure if that's what Gloson are alluding to with a line like "the blaze of a thousand souls will purge us," but the song is nonetheless compelling.

Look for Mara on Black Lion Records this weekend, who is issuing the record on compact disc, in addition to giving it a digital release (pre-order here). In the meanwhile, Doomed & Stoned is providing you entrance into Gloson's stimulating, if disturbing, dream life.

Give ear...

Mara by Gloson

Lyrics

USURPER

World embezzler The walker of voids Shed light, summoning mist Creature within

Stubbornness won't give insight Clairvoyant redeemer Inured to face thy hollow Unearth the willows in my dreams

Is this the world we were given Is this the world we would flee Ravens randomly strike through the shadow 'Til the end they're striking through me Is this the world we were given Upon this world we will see Whatever my world has forbidden Is forever what I will be

Planets align Planets align Critters lies dormant And withers in bliss

Planets align Planets align Shielding the bulwark Of realities unseen

EQUINOX

Light does seem to break these walls Seeping mist, veils of smog

Breaching the gateway Repent, repent The blaze of a thousand souls will purge us Coming salvation Repent, repent Whitening necrotic tint fulfills us

Billows of fumes, figurines appears Spiritual rape from origins unknown

Poster by Prakash Khatri Chhetri

Some Buzz

Hailing from Halmstad, Sweden, GLOSON was formed in the summer of 2012 by a group of individuals with a solitary goal to create dark music offset with the smallest glimmer of hope. Instead of being inspired by political or religious themes, the band turned to their own personal and internal wastelands — to see what would manifest from their subconscious, writing within this very cruel world.

Yearwalker by Gloson

Their 2014’s self-released EP, Yearwalker, was well-received by the listeners and the critics alike, and it was re-released on LP format in the following year by two labels: Catatonic State (Sweden) and Art of Propaganda (Germany). After several live performances, the debut album, Grimen, with a stronger production, mastered by Magnus Lindberg of Cult of Luna, arrived in the early-2017.

Grimen by Gloson

Now, Gloson is poised to exhibit another storm of dreary heaviness with their impending EP, 'Mara' (2019). The EP, striding into an eccentric terrain, offers a soul-stirring trip throughout its well-crafted two numbers. 'Mara" comes out this April 5th on CD (and digitally) via Black Lion Records.

Follow The Band

Get Their Music

[wests-wow-gang]

Seratoph is Asked Questions by a Disembodied Voice

Art did by me but I’ll make some better stuff in the future i swear

BASICS

► Name ➔ “Seratoph. Just Seratoph. There are nicknames, but that’s basically it.”

► Are you single ➔ “Uh, y-yeah! I mean, I joke here and there, and I like thinking about it, but it’s nothing I actively search for. Maybe I’ll run into it some day.”

► Are you happy ➔ “It’s a weird mix. I’m dealing w-with a lot right now, but at the same time, I feel like my friends have my back. Emotionally and physically, th-that is.”

► Are you angry ➔ “Alright. Again, it’s a weird mix. Old gang showing up? P-Pisses me the hell off. And scares me. But again, friends help.”

► Are your parents still married ➔ “My birth parents? I don’t know, they can die in a hole in all h-honesty. My. . “ A deep, regretful sigh. “Old dad, Harph, was never married while I-I was with him.”

SEVEN FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “Darkshore. Don’t remember it much. I-I probably am not going back.” 

► Hair Color ➔ “Purple, kinda. All natural.”

► Birthday ➔ “I remember it was in February! It was. . . O-Oh. Oh shit. . . Aww fuck when is my exact birthda--” A few moments pass. Probably just him going through a foolish panic. He eventually comes around. “Twenty-seventh. Let’s just say the twenty seventh.”

► Mood ➔ “Skeptical. I’m s-still on the lookout. I’m planning a strike against the Abandoned Moonlight. Making sure we weren’t followed from the first mission. B-But yeah. I’m just keeping an eye out.”

► Gender ➔ “I’m a boy. A very, very boy. . . B-Boy. I’m boy. Yeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh boooooyyyyyy. . .”

► Summer or winter ➔ “Winter. The wilds are beautiful, animals become more inclined t-to cuddle, and nights come sooner.”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ “Afternoon, p-probably. I like the night, but the sun’s out, just soaking on your skin. . . It’s the best.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “Not at the moment, but hey, a-again, still open to it if I happen on it.”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “I-I don’t know. Maybe at the moment, because I’m younger, yeah. But maybe when I’m a thousand or something, it’ll t-take more than just a look. But I do see some people sometimes, and I-I’m just thinking. . . Damn. You’d be nice t-to be held by next to a campfire. That’s very specific, b-but next question.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “I-I’ve never had one before. I mean, non-romantic ones? The one with Harph ended because h-he thought I would be better off as an assassin and thief than as a kid!” A moment passes. “Okay. . . Deep breaths. . . Deep breaths. . .”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “Well, to bring up Harph again, yeah. He seemed pretty sad when me and my friends ditched him through a portal. I also broke his hand. With a blade. Wrist down. Th-Thought he’d be more pissed about that. . .”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “I don’t know. So far, with all my problems, I just ran away. But I think the keg taught me th-that I need to face them sometimes. So I think that might’ve indirectly helped me w-warm up to that idea.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “Yeah. Friends, family, friends-that-became-family. It feels good to be able to say that I’ve hugged someone. I-It makes me feel. . . Wanted? Which is great after going it solo for so long.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “No. But I’ve secret admired. Not like, intensely o-or with anyone I talk to. But as I have said earlier, once in a blue moon I-I’ll see someone who treats me and everyone nicely, and they look amazing, and they are amazing, and I’m j-just. . . Wow. How do y-you exist.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “I mean, I guess so. S-Set my expectations high, thought something was going to go my way. Then. . . Plop. Just a hard slap on th-the ground.”

FIVE CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Love, probably. I mean, while I wouldn’t mind, y-you know. . . Having a special n-night some day. . . I think love takes priority.”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “C-Cats. I love dogs as well, but cats have always been a comfort zone of mine. Both as an animal and as for my druid form.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “A few best friends. Basically wh-what I have now, with a few familiar faces thrown in. I like my friends circle small. I feel closer t-to them, and more connected. And I know for a fact that th-they’re safe.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “While the latter has it’s appeal. . . Wild night out. It’s a-always guaranteed fun.”

► Day or night ➔ “D-Do. . . Do I really need to answer this?”

FOUR HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Well, with my old parents, no. The only time I snuck out w-was the one time they would never see me again. Then with Harph, no. Not only did he teach me how to sneak, b-but I never needed to sneak out. As long as I didn’t lead anyone back t-to where we were sleeping, I could leave whenever I wanted.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Like, once in a while? But I’m used to rough terrain, s-so not too often.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Food, yeah. That’s when I st-started eating tree bark, which is consumable alongside meals, by the way, and i-it isn’t just me being a weird outsider! Other than that. . . Uhh. . . Friends. Th-That hurt. But I have that now.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “Well, yes. And t-technically, I did. For six years, before I eventually gutted up a-and walked up to the keg.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “Uhhhh. . . Smile? I-I mean, I can read a smile more. And they usually mean someone’s happy. So when I see someone smile at me, I-I feel a bit better.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “If I had t-to choose, then taller. I don’t really mind, but something about someone wh-who’s just towering, but in a non-threatening way, m-makes me feel a bit safer. Like they’d be able to beat back anyone who tried to start something nearby.”

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “I g-guess. . . Intelligence? But not like, how long they were in school, or how many techniques they know by heart to put me in a ch-chokehold. More l-like, how well they know how to navigate life. And what they do with their experiences.”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “Probably relationship. I-I mean, I guess the former has their place, but. . . Yeah. I think I’ve become more accustomed to relationships.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “The keg? Y-Yeah. My birth parents? No. Last th-thing I did to them was left them a note saying ‘fuck you, from Mr. Seratoph’ and smashing a window. Then with Harph. . . Well, last time I saw him before that m-mission, I cut off his hand. I have. . . Complicated relationships.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “I mean, people have it worse, and it’s getting better. If my life only w-went until I was about thirty? Probably yeah, then. But I have thousands upon th-thousands of years ahead of me. The rest could treat me l-like royalty for all I know.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “. . . No. Never did. Why would I ever run away from-- By Elune yes I ran from home!”

► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “I mean, unless if being kicked out after you ran away counts, th-then no. Also, I-I think I should use ‘fuck you, from Mr. Seratoph’ more often. Th-That was the coolest thing a twelve year old could have ever said.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “N-No. I’d bring it up to them before it g-got to that level. And if I did hate them, th-they’d know.”

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “Y-Yeah! I really feel better when I’m around them, even if I was feeling good before.”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “Hmmmm. . . I-I mean, the other day, I was on a sugar high, and i-it was almost against my will about how much I thought Jax was a great friend. Pryn hired me as a bodyguard when I was low on jobs a-and just first getting into Stormwind. Ash and Jiira reluctantly took me in despite their better judgement, a-and basically helped kick off my new, better life. A-And they’re helping me now. Cel has b-been a great friend overall and I think sh-she’s really comforting to talk to and hang around.” He sighs, and rubs his face in frustration while trying to think. “G-Get back to me on that, one of these centuries.”

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “Cel, surprisingly. Sh-She’s really easy to vent to whenever sh-she’s willing to take it. Jax and Ash are also big players for th-that field. Kae as well, especially since she’s helped me get testosterone. Pryn was the one who recommended I talk to her about th-that.” 

I got tagged by @actionjaxkol who held me at gunpoint while asking me these questions and forced me to answer them in character.

I tag @engineermermaid, and @riizendraconis if they’d like to answer! (I’d tag more but Jax got’em. RIP)

[miscolliding-planets]

Chapter 5: Another Galaxy

Eight(8) months later...

"Which shoots are booked for this next couple of weeks?" I asked the staff as I entered the meeting room.

"We have Bodie, of the KPop group GRITZ, flying in 2 days from now for his solo interview and photoshoot," Monica, my secretary relayed. "The next day, he will be coming back for another shoot and interview but for a different magazine, this time with Iain Yoon of Paradigm along with Blake Harithai. Oh, it will also be a street shoot," she continued. "Three days after that, Taylor Thanee booked a studio while Iain Yoon will also come for a music video shoot in one of our other studios," she fired again.

"About that..." I interrupted Melanie, "Which studios will they be using?" I asked.

"Mr.  Vajarodaya only requested for a small studio so we decided to place him on studio 1. Mr. Yoon asked for a large space where 'a greenhouse-like set' can be set up, that's why we gave him studio 3," Melanie instantly responded as she looks through her planner. "Mr. Vajarodaya also said that he will be bringing his own crew," she continued.

"How many people is on his crew?" I asked as I also checked schedule on my calendar.

"He said there will only be 10 people that will be working with him," she answered after checking.

"Right. Please make sure that they properly go through admitting procedures and keep to the guidelines," Melanie noted it on her page as she hums her acknowledgement. "What about equipment? Do we have to provide any?" I also checked with Melanie.

"We'll be providing his lighting equipment and the basic props for his set," Melanie relayed as she hands me the shoot briefs.

"Did he specify any specific light he requires? What props are needed for his set?" I asked, genuinely curious as I check the list that is on the brief.

"He wanted lamps, a wooden chair, a large wooden crate box, and a wooden ladder. As for studio lights, he needs four, with 2 of them being colored. He said he will also need a set of reflectors," she read off the list that she is also holding.

"What about the backdrop? Did he not require specific colors or textures?" I asked as I need more elaborate details since I did not see it on the brief.

Melanie checked only on her copy and was appalled that this bit was not included. "I will ask his side for more details," she assured me as she goes through her planner for the contact detail she needs.

"Get their reply, ASAP," I told Melanie as she started composing a message. I turned to the other people on the room," Danny and Gene, please make sure that all props, lighting, monitors and all other equipment are ready the day before the shoot," I addressed my tech team.

"Yes, Ma'am," they nodded their head as they go over each of the briefs for the list of needed equipments.

"Please make sure that each of the props are in place at least a few hours before the shoot begins, if not a day early," I addressed the art team next. "I need every detail of the set to be ready so we can start the shoots without a hitch. If you need anything--some help or whatnot--tell me as soon as it comes up, okay?" I demanded for their affirmation.

"Yes, ma'am," both Ares and Collette answered.

"Melanie, please also check the dressing rooms and see if they had been clean at least a few hours before the shoot starts," I interrupted Melanie's typing again.

"Sure, ma'am," she affirmed and went back to composing her message.

Remembering that the main dressing room for studio 3 is being renovated, I paused. "We're half-way through renovations on studio 3's dressing room, right?" I asked, "and, studios 1 and 3 connected by a single dressing room?" I added, not waiting for any of their responses.

"Yes, Ma'am," Melanie absent-mindedly answered.

Putting the shoot brief down, I turned to all of them. "When will the renovations end? Is there still a long way to go?"

"They had just started gutting the walls and floors after tearing down most of the existing walls. There is still a few weeks left before it can be finished according to Manny," Ares relayed.

"Is the shared dressing room big enough for the two teams to work?" I wondered.

"I heard that Paradigm will also only be working with a small team that is why we also asked if they don't mind sharing the dressing room and they agreed," Colette reassured me.

I nodded in satisfaction and began going through the shoot briefs for the main shoots as Melanie finishes composing the messages that she needs to send out, needing to go over the briefs and check each detail. Finding some key points that seem vague, I encircled some of the details that I needed to clarify. Melanie finished composing her drafts and picked up the shoot briefs that need to be gone over. I finished going over the various papers in my hand and went back to the brief for Bodie's solo shoot.

"I see that Christina's going to be Bodie's make-up artist," I pointed as I looked at the paper in my hand. I deemed it most important to address as she did not have a great track record when working with our projects, "Just please make sure that she's not gonna act up and will actually follow the concept and plan," I instructed. "Collette, please explain the concept of styling for the shoots," I started the discussion.

For Bodie's shoot, the styling puts emphasis on everyday men's fashion. So, most of the pieces are versatile, fashionable pieces that can be worn day-to-day. The outer wear ranges from colorful, artsy pieces with bold prints and designs to structured coats and blazers with unique details that can be worn in corporate settings. On the other hand, the group shoot's styling will be centered around grunge-y, street fashion. The pieces of clothing that will be used are also trendy and versatile that everything can be worn day-to-day.  I only had to interrupt a few times since I needed clarification on the points that I encircled.

I was very satisfied with the presentation and just had to emphasize on the importance of communicating with the artists' respective styling teams. This is to prevent getting clashes of various kinds. Communication is imperative since some of these artists are in exclusive endorsement contracts which prevents them from wearing certain brands. I don't want to face disputes and lawsuits regarding breach of contracts or whatnots. The meeting ended with a reminder to everyone to thoroughly check on their respective tasks so that we can proceed with the projects smoothly. I also asked Monica to send me the message drafts she composed so I can check on them.

Everyone exit the room as soon as the meeting ended to rush to their respective departments and get started on their tasks. I gathered all the papers and briefing notes and placed them inside my notebook for safe keeping. I walked out of the meeting room and went back to my office. Rebooting my laptop from its sleep, I went on to put down the schedules. I also jotted down the most important tasks that needs to be double checked on sticky notes. It's so that I will be reminded of each task regularly. I also checked my emails and made sure that Monica has sent the drafts I was asking for. After seeing her email and name at the top of the list, I immediately opened the documents attached and get to working on editing and polishing the letters. It only took me a while to edit the pieces since Monica already did a great job on composing them. I immediately sent them back to Monica before standing up and going to the various departments to check on their progress.

3 days later...

I arrived on the set a few hours earlier than scheduled to make sure the sets are properly set up. I brought Apollo with me since I was sure that I will be staying at the studio the whole day. He also boosts the staff morale, relieving their stress in between outfit changes and shoot breaks. Right now, he's resting on a corner to avoid the crowd and be out of the way of all the movement that's happening. I watch as Gene's team setup the spotlights that are on the ceiling while Danny and his assistant, Carl, setup the studio lights. I had Gene test out the spotlights and see if all the colors work. The colored setting will be used for some of the frames. Gene next went on to setting up the monitor screens that will be used.

After making sure that there is no problem with the lights, I went to the dressing room to check on the clothes that Bodie will be wearing for the shoot. I saw Colette's team arranging the various types of clothes on racks that line one wall of the room. It has been arranged by category and color while the shoes are lined on the floor on top of their boxes. I also saw Christina setting up various kinds of makeup and tools on top of the dressing table. I also checked the changing booth to make sure that it is clean and no unwanted, miscellaneous item got lost in there. After the satisfying inspection, I came out to check if Gene was done setting up the monitoring screens. For Bodie's shoot today, he will be working with the up-and-coming photographer Todd Wasart. He's already setting up his camera and laptop, hooking it up onto the monitors with Gene.

I was about to approach Todd when I heard pounding footsteps coming my way. I had turned in time to see Bodie's lanky-yet-muscular body catapulting on me. I put my hands up to soften the blow, if not completely stop Bodie from throwing himself at me. Aside from he's quite heavy though he's thin, there is a discrepancy in height; at least from my part. You see, the man's 178cm in height, he's 5,10". On the other hand, I'm only at a whopping 153cm tall--which is equivalent to 5'0 feet. In other words, I will be smothered by him. Though I tried, my efforts are yet again proven unsuccessful since he managed to put me on a chokehold of a bear-hug.

"Oh, how I miss you, Noona!" he shouted as he laughingly lifts me off the floor.

"BODIE!! PUT. ME. DOWN!" I screeched between labored breath as he continues to hold me so tightly, tapping his shoulder. I looked behind him and saw his manager shoot me an apologetic look, like always. I waved a hello from wherever my hand is trapped and went back to tapping his shoulder, trying to do it harder.

"Nope! You have to tell me that you also miss me," he naughtily taunted as I continued to struggle and try to push myself off him. He smiled at me mischievously and proceeded to tighten his already suffocating chokehold.

"Oh gosh, Bodie! Just let me down. I can't breathe," I screeched again.

He laughed at me but still proceeded to release me from his hold. I punched him on his arm which made him exclaim in pain. "That's what you get for messing with me," I huffed as I fixed my clothes and my hair. Bodie laughed as he soothes the spot I punched. "You better not do that again, jacka**," I tutted.

Apollo came up to us and happily sniffed at Bodie before nudging him to ask for some pets. Bodie happily squatted down to give Apollo pets and hugs as he tells him, "Hey, bud! I missed you, too! Seems like the feeling's not mutual with your mama, though," he laughs.

"Shut up!" I protested as I fixed my hair and my clothes. Bodie just laughed as he continued to pet and play with Apollo. I leaned on the table behind me as I observe them rough house. Apollo is pretty close with Bodie and his group members since he had been around them ever since he was a puppy. I smiled at the sight of them and just let him mess with Apollo a little bit more. I'm certain that they've missed each other.

Apollo walked away from Bodie a few moments later, as if having enough of the rough housing and just wanting to go back to sleep. I laughed at Bodie's bewildered expression. "He says you're no fun anymore," I teased him which made him give me a fake hurt expression, causing me to laugh louder. Bodie stood up and started brushing dust off his knees. "So, you guys did decide not to re-sign with the company..." I opened the topic.

Bodie paused from dusting off his clothes. He looked at me and smiled, albeit sadly. "We had to decide which is a better option for us at the moment," he shrugged as he responded. "It's all good now. We just have to make more time and expend more effort. But, it's a nice start," he proclaimed as he went back to dusting his clothes again. He gave his shoulder one last pat before facing me again. "I'll say hello to the staff and go get my makeup done, now. I'll see you later," he hugged me and strutted to the people scattered all over the studio.

Bodie started going to each staff, giving them his greetings with a bright smile on his face. He came to each and every person he saw and politely said his 'hello's. I  pushed myself off the table and walked out of the studio to the dressing room. Bodie came in a moment later, heading straight to the makeup chair. Christina immediately worked on Bodie as I supervised her work. I just wanted to make sure that she does not overdo anything nor overstep her boundaries by coming up with her own styling plan apart from what we required of her. I'm glad to see that she stuck with what we required of her and styled Bodie the way we want. Colette gave Bodie the first outfit he'll he be wearing and Bodie went on to change. They made a few adjustments and added on accessories to complete the outfit. Bodie gave me one last smile along with a wink--as if telling me that he knows I find him fine--before walking out of the dressing room. I shook my head and strutted out of the room after him.

[this-darkness-light]

For That Special Someone

Pairing: Samifer, Destiel Rating: Teen and up Summary: The angels get their humans very…interesting gifts. Word count: 1,242 Prompts: inappropriate holiday gifts; rock paper scissors Tags: crack, humor, clueless angels are the best thing ever, my first crack fic, I hope it’s funny D:

Read on AO3!

Written for @webcricket‘s 2017 Supernatural Advent Calendar Challenge.

Tagging @brieflymaximumprincess 

-.-.-.-.-

Dean glares at Sam.

Sam glares at Dean.

Dean cracks his knuckles and juts out his jaw. “You ready, bitch?”

In response, Sam rolls his shoulders and twists the kinks out of his neck. “Ready, jerk.”

“On three?”

Sam gives a curt nod.

“One…two…three!”

They pound their fists into their palms and throw a sign. With an evil cackle that would make Lucifer himself proud, Sam bashes his rock on top of Dean’s scissors. “That’s one-zero, me,” he says, bouncing his eyebrows and grinning.

Dean’s brow furrows and he clenches his jaw so hard the tendons in his neck jut out. “This ain’t over yet.”

As the Winchesters gear up for round two, Castiel scoots closer on the sofa next to Lucifer himself, who’s wearing an ugly green sweater covered in pictures of gamboling orange kittens and puffing up with pride at Sam’s boy king cackle. The Santa hat perched jauntily on his head almost falls off at the jostling movements from the other angel, but he catches it and adjusts it before it does.

“One…two…three!”

“What is this arcane ritual?” Castiel whispers loudly into Lucifer’s ear as Sam points and laughs and Dean stomps his foot and angrily demands the best three out of five.

Lucifer, who’s munching on a bowl of popcorn, has the courtesy to swallow his mouthful before answering. “It’s how humans decide important things.” Grabbing another large handful, he stuffs his mouth full. Cruncha-cruncha-crunch. Castiel scrunches up his nose at the distasteful lack of manners. Catching that thought on angel radio, Lucifer grunts and offers the bowl to Castiel, who declines on the basis that butter flavored molecules are still molecules.

“One…two…three!”

Dean claps and aims a gun-shaped hand at Sam. “Oooh! Take that, bitch!”

Sam snorts and rolls his eyes. “Dude. There’s two more rounds. Or one, if I win the next one.”

“Yeah, dream on.”

Sam just smirks and raises his fist.

Castiel squints at the humans. “Humans decide important matters by chanting numbers and making odd hand gestures?” Still chewing, Lucifer makes a broad, expansive gesture at Sam and Dean as if saying, see for yourself. Blinking, Castiel tilts his head to the side and absently scratches at the stubble on his chin as the Winchesters start the next countdown. “It seems very inefficient.”

Before Lucifer can respond, Sam crows in victory and smacks his open hand on top of Dean’s fist. Dean swears and kicks at the ground, almost upsetting the sorry excuse of a Christmas tree they managed to find in the nearby woods. It’s more of a Christmas bush than anything, but it’s got lights blinking and twinkling from the flimsy little branches and red and green ball glass ball things and an angel perched on top, so in Dean’s own words, “whatever. It works.”

“C’mon, man. How do you always win?” Dean grouses as he sits down and slides Sam’s small pile of presents to him from under the tree. Sam gleefully rubs his hands together and gathers them to himself, eager to see what’s inside.

“I’ve told you, Dean. You’ve got a tell,” he says as he tears blue paper covered in smiling snowmen off a box and opens it to reveal a new hunting knife from Mom.

“It’s friggin’ rock paper scissors. How do I have a tell?”

Sam shrugs as he carefully sets the knife aside and grabs his present from Dean, which is wrapped in what looks like brown paper grocery bags covered in twine with his name scrawled on the top in Sharpie. “You just do,” he says, then tosses his brother a bitch face as he pulls out a wadded up pair of bright red flannel pajamas with happy cartoon moose frolicking on them. “Really, Dean?”

Dean returns Sam’s bitch face with a shit-eating green. “Merry Christmas, Sammy. And hey, maybe you’ll even get to wear ‘em a couple days a week,” he adds with a lascivious wink. Sam’s face turns the color of the pajamas. Chuckling in a self-satisfied sort of way, Dean reaches over and yanks the bowl of popcorn off of Lucifer’s lap, ignoring the archangel’s indignant squawk.

“That was mine!”

“Yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it?”

While Lucifer and Dean fight over the popcorn, Castiel leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “Please open the present from me next, Sam,” he says loudly over the sounds of World War III. A few pieces of popcorn land in his hair, but Castiel absently brushes them onto the couch.

Between the jumbled mess of paper and tape that looks like a kindergartner’s art project and the rectangular box with the perfectly seamless wrapping paper and perfectly placed ribbons and perfectly arranged bows, Sam instantly knows which of the last two presents is from Castiel. Tugging the art project in front of him, Sam puts his chiseled upper body to work tearing through the mass of paper and tape to find —

“Dude, is that lube?” Dean, who’s struggling to escape a chokehold from Lucifer, barks out a laugh.

Sam clears his throat a few times and stares down at the bottle of Anal Ease. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah it is.” He coughs and then fixes his gaze firmly on Castiel’s chin. “Uh, thanks man.”

Castiel beams back at him. Sam kind of wants to melt into the floor.

Unlatching his arm from around Dean’s neck, Lucifer shoves him aside (along with the popcorn bowl, though most of the popcorn is on the floor by now) and perches on the very edge of the couch, eyes shiny and bright. “Now mine!” he says. “Best for last!”

Castiel nods. “We bought them to coordinate.”

Sam is kind of scared to open Lucifer’s present. At this point he’d almost rather face a hoard of murderous clowns.

Almost.

Avoiding eye contact with the other three, he meticulously unsticks each bow from the top of the box, carefully slices each ribbon with his pocket knife, and then peels off the paper. Cold chills race down his spine as he pulls out —

Dean is rolling around on the floor now, tears streaming down his face as Sam holds up a package of blue silicone anal beads. Except the beads are shaped like little hearts.

“I remember you said you wanted to experiment,” Lucifer says, all bubbles and joy, wide eyes aglow and hands clasped in front of his chest.

Sam doesn’t have the heart to berate him for choosing Christmas morning to remember an off-handed off-color comment. “Uh. Thanks, babe.”

The smile on Lucifer’s face is worth the embarrassment. “They’re water safe too,” he adds helpfully above Dean’s howls of laughter.

“Dude!” he says, swiping away the tears streaming down his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Where the hell did you two go shopping?”

“A place called Extreme Fun Zone,” Castiel says.

Now it’s Sam’s turn to snicker as all the color drains from Dean’s face. Bypassing the presents from Mary and Sam, he lunges at the other two and tears them open in record time.

Seconds later he’s holding up a sexy, lacy black negligee and a pair of silky apple green thong panties.

“But Dean,” Cas says as he tries to coax the eldest Winchester out of the sobbing little ball he’s rolled himself into, “the sign on the rack said ‘for that special someone.’ You are my special someone.”

Sam has never laughed so hard in his life.

-.-.-.-.-

[its-just-like-the-movies]

Date Night!: Death Note (17, F)

I think part of the reason it’s so much harder to really analyze a perfect film than a perfectly shitty one is that a great film leaves you wondering how they did it. What geniuses had the decision to write that score, to edit in this style, to write that character in such a way, to interpret them so fully? I can’t imagine how much time I’ve spent wringing my hands at Annette Bening in 20th Century Women, trying to understand Dorothea Fields as a creation, as a conscious work of art by way of multiple collaborators as well as the actress playing her, amidst a film that feels utterly human and alive, and without seams in any way. I bring up this film here because I had this thought watching Adam Wingard’s disgusting, dull take on Death Note only a few nights ago. You may be asking “Why is it that both of your Date Night pieces have been centered around demonstrably monstrous acts of garbage?” and I say wait a minute, we’ve seen good things. One day I’ll talk about Shin Godzilla. But that’s just me postponing the inevitable. Tommy and I, and our very good friend David, sat down on the first of September and decided to watch a train wreck that was even worse than we could have imagined. It hasn’t just been whitewashed, but striped of all the source material’s morality and mythology, about as far removed as one could be from anything in the original series while vaguely needing to use certain character names and still actually having a death note, and Americanized in the worst possible way. But it steals baldly from other films and makes it central character completely unbearable while everyone else is vaguely more interesting and doomed to the sidelines of the story. No one wanted this film, necessarily, but is it too much to ask that it be good?

The first immediate example we get of the film’s selective pilfering of its Japanese source material is that our central character is named Light Turner. It’s not in any way a typical American name, especially for white boys with dye-blond hair, but because the source material starred a dude named Light, why not? They couldn’t let that central character stay Japanese, though, because this is America, so it has to be about a white dude and his white girlfriend trying to dodge the world’s greatest detective, a young black man who is still called “L”. The white soon-to-be girlfriend is named Mia, and we know that she is Serious and Not Like Other Girls Or Whatever because we see her looking Hardcore and Bored and Over It during cheerleading practice, a brunette in a sea of blondes, who finally just starts smoking rather than letting the Other Girls catapult her in the air. This is probably because they wouldn’t hurl her into the sun itself, which is the only thing Hardcore enough for her to join. And we know Light is Hardcore and Over It but Still Has Morals because we see him doing another student’s homework and later trying to save another student from the most college-graduate-looking motherfuckers who ever decided to teleport from the 90’s to now and bully someone.

It’s almost too easy to tear down this shambling mess of a film. Wingard shoots Ryuk as though the filmmakers either couldn’t afford to make him look presentable or were just embarrassed to look at him. Light is a terribly bland protagonist, made even blander by the far more interesting sociopathic tendencies of said soon-to-be girlfriend Mia and the truly bizarre spectacle of Wingard’s remodeled L. This version of L is at least someone interesting to watch, even if it’s in such a conventional way as to have almost no resemblance to the original version of the character. Mia, on the other hand, is only altered insofar as her obsession with Light is really just an obsession with the death note itself, and a desire to kill off people more indiscriminately than he does. There’s something deeply uncomfortable about how Mia and Ryuk are eventually aligned as the villains of the piece for lacking a moral compass, especially when Light’s feels superficially arbitrary and utterly dull, and even moreso given that Mia’s eventual betrayal of Light feels like some version of “bitches be crazy”, but both are still the most captivating characters on the screen. If Ryuk has almost no real reason to be there after his introduction, Willem Dafoe’s self-satisfied line readings make the character a welcome presence. That this character egs on Light to commit his first killings was perhaps the biggest sticking point to David early on, given the manga version’s role as an excited but impartial audience surrogate more than anything else, but his presence is still entertaining. Dafoe’s reading of the line “Humans are so interesting!”, one of the few moments where Ryuk got an actual close-up, was also the only actual chill I got during the whole 100 minutes, though credit must partially be given to my shock that any line from the manga - let alone one of its best, in the early going - even made it into the film.

My previous interactions with the Death Note media empire is having gotten partway through the manga and the anime dub in early high school, losing interest a little while after the death of a major character, though not necessarily because that character died. Maybe it felt like the end of the series, or maybe I just straight up lost interest, or moved on to a different property. That being said, I still remember Death Note and its characters fairly well, and certainly well enough to know how butchered this abominable film was. It’s astonishing how much Wingard tries to alter these characters away from any resemblance to their source material, but it brings up what strikes me as the largest question I have about this film, and all the grossest politics and connotations I can think of surrounding the terms “whitewashing” and “Americanizing”. Of course America’s version of Death Note had to star a white boy in the lead role, because Hollywood can’t just have a leading character of color for no reason at all. Of course he had to be saddled with a faux, crummy version of “morals” with a faux-tragic backstory behind his killings while his girlfriend is giving the depravity that made the original so noteworthy and framed as the eventual Big Bad for it. Mia Sutton is perhaps the only character Death Note has going for itself, a genuine female sociopath on film who barely seems motivated by her hubby-in-crime and is more than willing to ditch him once he gets cold feet. Apparently Wingard credits Mia as having more of Original Light’s traits instead of Misa Amane’s, which makes sense to think about but speaks plenty about Wingard’s seeming disinterest in actually adapting his source material. I kept thinking about The Hateful Eight’s Daisy Domergue, featuring another case of villainous characters whose only point of agreement is that the lone lady of the bunch is the worst of them all, though there her crimes are left mainly vague, her threats treated like bluffs once she has the room to say them rather than getting smacked around by her walrus-moustached captor. It’s the film’s most toxic element, one that I’m not convinced Jennifer Jason Leigh’s performance makes the right decisions about in portraying her. The Hateful Eight is also a much better film than Death Note - what film isn’t? - albeit with its own, significant flaws, but in Death Note Mia’s crimes and the crimes of her allies and enemies are all equally defined, because the film is so awful it needs her amorality if only to give the viewer someone compelling to root for, as my squad saw it, because Margaret Qualley commits to her character and makes us sad to see her go. I don’t mean to imply that Qualley is a better actress than Leigh, nor is her performance necessarily stronger in these respective films. But sometimes mere competence in a shitty film is easier to like than a commendable misfire in an uneven one, and Qualley’s work is one of the few umbrellas we can run under in this heaving shitstorm of a film.

I truly don’t know how to engage with L, who seems like the most conspicuous victim of Wingard’s rewrites. LaKeith Stanfield is clearly giving his all to the performance, and if you told me he was the only person on set who’d ever read the manga I’d believe you in a heartbeat. But all the intrigue of his work, the intensity it achieves in certain moments, is drowned out in how overly mannered this character is. Repeatedly L is seen sloppily eating gummy bears ascribed with ingredients that enhance thinking capabilities, rather than strawberry shortcake because it’s fucking delicious, that’s why. Twitchy behaviors are augmented by the character’s complete lack of chill, rather than the naturally super-intelligent, laid-back L the manga gave us, one in terrible physical shape and complete physically incompetence. Here, L gets a chase scene by car and by foot, and brandishes a firearm. Here, L gets a traveling Victorian set to be imported into the middle of the San Diego Police Department’s office area. At least he still gets to keep his own brand of amorality, perfectly content as he is to use some criminals as bait to see where “Kira” is based, but he’s not the savvy liar and manipulator detective of yore. This character is conventionally compelling, but perhaps the most emblematic case of Wingard’s seeming desire to write a Death Note film that doesn’t actually resemble any previous Death Note property. Who knows why this character was cast with a black actor in a shocking white version of San Diego - or even if there was a “reason”, and Wingard just liked Stanfield’s ideas about the character - but the spectacle of him being placed in a chokehold by SDPD chief Light’s Dad was easily the grossest thing Death Note had in store. I can’t help but wonder what Stanfield really saw in this opportunity, how much he got out of it, and what the disparity is for having highlight roles in the best and worst horror films of 2017.

And then there’s Light, remixed from a type-A, grade A model student into an angsty loner who has literally nothing going for him but a wonky dye job and being lucky enough to get a handheld killing machine. Putting a hat on the guy makes him instantly the blandest man alive, and he as much as anyone else is shorn of the traits that made the character such an interesting protagonist. Yes, Mia gets so many of Light Yagami’s traits, but can Light Turner have anything going for him? Can he not nearly shit himself once Ryuk (in such a bitchy spectacle of an arrival) storms onto the scene? Can he not have a motivation so forgettably stitched on the film all but abandons it twenty minutes in, and can his morals actually be interestingly complicated instead of bland, Americanly contrived? Nat Wolff’s Light, possibly the worst performance of the year, is such a guileless goon that his last-act transformation into a criminal who’s actually capable of planning out a long con to save his own life and kill one of his enemies is easily the least believable part of the film. It’s astonishing how much the want of having Evan Peters and Emma Roberts in the lead roles is present in how Light is styled and in how much Margaret Qualley just fucking looks like a less actively bitchy version of Emma Roberts. There’s even a little card that says “Normal People Scare Me” in the American Horror Story font in Light’s locker, like some emo kid in 2011, which gets to the heart of this character’s deep mischaracterization. Why make this kid into a Tate Langdon-type who’s so blatantly angry at the world it’s honestly shocking his father takes as long as he does to realize his son is a fucking mass murderer? How is it in any way a bold, difficult statement that the valedictorian can be a sociopath, that kids with ostensibly no real problems can also want to end the world themselves? There’s a lot I didn’t like about the fourth season of AHS but at least it gave us an emblem of corrupted white, heterosexual male privilege and prejudice that this film just can’t recognize, or won’t.

A funny, somewhat poignant, and very quick moment in Okja sees a character flash a newly made tattoo on his arm that says “Translation is Sacred”. Death Note is not just an abominable act of translation, but of adaptation, of fidelity to a source material’s characters and themes. Outside of its vaguely compelling supporting cast, a lot of Death Note feels haphazardly cobbled together from a multitude of sources and bad ideas all meant on making the film more palatable to an audience that only wanted this film because the source material was so rich, most notably that killings in the Death Note seem to be primarily carried out by Final Destination, Rube Goldberg spectacle-type accidents, rather than simple, mundane accidents. Why make a Death Note film if you’re not going to make it resemble Death Note at all? It feels late in the game to say that I’m not fundamentally against molding source material to suit an adaptation, especially with something as dense as Death Note into a feature film under two hours. But there’s not a single alteration that this film makes to the material that helps it in any conceivable way, no small high point worth the heaps of garbage you have to sift through to get it. It’s not so much a misfire as a willful rejection of any sharp edges or idiosyncrasies that made the original property the hit that it became. It’s also, hopefully, the kind of misfire that kills a hoped-for sequel dead in its tracks. If there’s one thing we can do to reckon with the fact that this shambling corpse of a film exists, the best thing we as a viewing audience and as people who want adaptations of ambitious, international properties can shout from the rooftops that hypnotized FBI agents are leaping off of like synchronized divers. We liked them for a reason, and if you shear off that reason to be more appealing, all you’re left with is a boring white boy nattering on about his schemes in a hospital bed, outshone by a demon barely in focus, and failing in every way to live up to that demon’s last, great line. In the world of Adam Wingard’s Death Note, humans aren’t interesting. They’re cardboard cutouts of characters that aren’t tarnished by association, but shine a little brighter in comparison. You couldn’t ask for a less ambitious take on this property, no one did, but we got in anyways, and if no one will bother to learn from it, then all we can do with this maddening pile of shit is heave it straight into the sun and hope it burns into an even greater state of nothingness than the film has achieved just by existing in this neutered state.

[ladystylestores]

The ‘Defund’ Conundrum – The New York Times

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Good morning. Some white voters are souring on President Trump. Global health officials are worried about virus counts. Let’s start with the debate over “defund the police.”

Advocates for police reform are making the case that the phrase “defund the police” doesn’t mean what many people think it means. “Be not afraid,” Christy E. Lopez, a Georgetown University law professor, wrote in The Washington Post. “‘Defunding the police’ is not as scary (or even as radical) as it sounds.”

What it actually means, these advocates say, is reducing police budgets and no longer asking officers to do many jobs that they often don’t even want to do: resolving family and school disputes, moving homeless people into shelters and so on. Instead, funding for education, health care and other social services would increase. (For more detail on the movement’s agenda, you can read this Times explainer.)

The challenge for advocates is that many people equate “defunding” with a major reduction in policing — and they don’t like that idea. Reducing police budgets is arguably the only high-profile reform idea that’s not popular:

This situation reminds me of several other political issues in the Trump era, like health care and immigration. On all of them, progressives are pushing for multiple policy changes that are popular with voters (like expanded Medicare, the end of migrant-family separation and more police accountability). These changes are typically much more popular than President Trump’s positions on the same issues.

But many progressives have also adopted one big idea in each area that is decidedly unpopular with voters: Get rid of private health insurance. Abolish ICE. Defund the police.

The combination explains much of the political response you’ve seen in recent days. Joe Biden, Cory Booker and other Democrats have distanced themselves from the phrase “defund the police,” while Trump has highlighted it. “They’re saying defund the police,” he said last week. “Defund. Think of it.”

At the same time, some Republicans have begun signaling their openness to other parts of police reform, which is a big change. John Cornyn, a conservative senator facing a tough re-election campaign in Texas, yesterday tweeted the following: “I’m dedicated to rooting out racial injustices so no other family has to experience what George Floyd’s family has. It will require bipartisan commitment across the country & listening to the voices of those who have been most affected is the first step — we must not fail to act.”

A shift: A majority of Americans (57 percent) now believe the police are more likely to use excessive force against African-Americans. In 2014, the share was only 33 percent. “In my 35 years of polling, I’ve never seen opinion shift this fast or deeply,” Frank Luntz, a Republican pollster, said.

THREE MORE BIG STORIES

1. Trump’s base is fraying

Polls have also been shifting on Trump in recent weeks and show him to have fallen about 10 percentage points behind Biden. Why? Partly because some white working-class voters have soured — at least for now — on the president, according to Nate Cohn, a Times polling expert. Trump’s lead among white voters is down to around five percentage points, compared with his 13-point margin among whites in 2016.

“Incumbent presidents usually have an advantage in seeking re-election and that makes his deficit all the more striking,” Nate says. Past candidates have made up big deficits from the summer before the election, but the last incumbent to mount such a comeback was Harry Truman in 1948.

2. The policy debate on policing

Lawmakers around the country continued to consider new policies on policing. New York legislators defied police unions and began to approve a package of bills targeting police misconduct, including a ban on chokeholds. In Congress, Democrats unveiled legislation that would make it easier to prosecute police officers for misconduct, and require law enforcement agencies to report data on the use of force.

Trump denied that systemic problems existed, declaring that as many as 99.9 percent of police officers are “great, great people.”

Differing accounts: Attorney General William Barr contradicted Trump on Monday and confirmed that the president was taken to an underground bunker last month because of security concerns over street demonstrations outside the White House.

3. How to be safe in a pandemic

By now, many of the key rules for reducing your coronavirus risk are familiar: Wash your hands frequently when you leave the house. Wear a mask. Avoid close conversations. Minimize your time in indoor spaces.

But there’s one rule that probably deserves more attention: Adjust your behavior based on where you live. Virus rates vary significantly by state.

Our colleague Tara Parker-Pope has published a list of five rules to live by during a pandemic. Rule No. 1 is “Check the health of your state and community.”

In other virus developments:

Here’s what else is happening

The S&P 500 has recovered all of its losses on the year. But stocks opened down in Europe this morning, suggesting American markets may fall as well.

Reports of child abuse in New York City have dropped sharply since the pandemic began, which could be a sign that the system to protect children has fallen apart.

Adam Rapoport, the editor of Bon Appétit magazine, resigned after a 2004 photo of him resurfaced on social media, drawing condemnations for a stereotypical depiction of Puerto Ricans.

Lives lived: He was known as Brother Ah (born Robert Northern), a master French horn player (and Washington D.J.) who hopscotched between jazz and classical music before embarking on a solo career making music that defied categorization. He has died at 86.

BACK STORY: New York awakens

Christina Goldbaum, a Metro reporter, reflected on New York City’s first day of eased restrictions:

On Monday morning, New York seemed to be slowly waking up from its 100-day hibernation. The streets were still absent the usual crowds and cacophony of car horns. But the return of around 400,000 people to some urban routines offered some sense of normalcy.

Commuters wearing face masks hopped onto freshly scrubbed trains that smelled like lemon-scented cleaning supplies. Even the more crowded train cars still carried only a dozen or so riders.

By midday, local shops had unlocked their doors for curbside pickup. In the East Village, a half-dozen construction workers who had been home for months chatted and laughed as they lined up to have their temperatures checked.

Other parts of the city remained at a standstill: In SoHo and on Fifth Avenue, where many stores were looted last week, marquee shops were still boarded up. But graffiti on the plywood offered encouragement: “LOVE NYC” was a common motif and, at one store, “STAY STRONG.”

PLAY, WATCH, EAT, HUNT

Embrace tiny fish

Seafood from a can gets a bad rap — dismissed as survival fare that gathers dust in the back of many people’s pantries. But you can do a lot with tinned fish, says the cookbook author David Tanis.

You can make anchovy crostini, tuna-stuffed peppers or a big plate of spicy pasta, spruced up with canned baby clams, bacon and peas. Tanis suggests splurging for high-quality anchovies and tuna if you can. If not, work with what you have.

Finding the virtual action

With real-life sports mostly on hiatus, gamblers are flocking to the competitive video-game matches known as e-sports. Since early March, half of all sports betting in Europe has reportedly been on video games.

Bettors can wager on players trying to shoot each other in games like Call of Duty, or facing off in sports games like FIFA 20 or Madden NFL 20. Some sports books even offer betting on completely automated matches — that is, computer versus computer.

At least someone’s having a good day

It sounds like a plot lifted straight from Hollywood. A decade ago, a New Mexico art collector named Forrest Fenn buried treasure in the Rocky Mountains and self-published a book challenging people to find it. According to Fenn, the chest — filled with gold, gems and artifacts — is worth around $2 million. Over the weekend, he said, someone found it.

“I do not know the person who found it, but the poem in my book led him to the precise spot,” Fenn wrote on his website. He created the treasure hunt after recovering from kidney cancer.

At least two people died trying to find the treasure, and Fenn still refused to retrieve the chest. “If someone drowns in the swimming pool we shouldn’t drain the pool,” he said in 2017. “We should teach people to swim.”

Diversions

Games

Here’s today’s Mini Crossword, and a clue: Netflix selection (four letters).

You can find all of our puzzles here.

Thanks for spending part of your morning with The Times. See you tomorrow. — David

P.S. The word “fancams” — videos by K-pop fans featuring their favorite singers, recently used in support of the Black Lives Matter movement — appeared for the first time in The Times yesterday, as noted by the Twitter bot @NYT_first_said.

You can see today’s print front page here.

Today’s episode of “The Daily” is about proposals to defund police departments in the U.S. And in the latest episode of “Popcast,” two former editors of The Source, a hip-hop magazine, retell how the publication covered the 1992 uprisings over the beating of Rodney King in Los Angeles.

The Times is providing free access to much of our coronavirus coverage. Please consider supporting our journalism with a subscription.

Ian Prasad Philbrick and Sanam Yar contributed to The Morning. You can reach the team at themorning@nytimes.com.

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