#ryder x raeka

[vampcubus]

I did the meme

[omegastation]

polymolly replied to your post “What are your MEA rare pairings? I feel like with the trilogy I have...”

I'm here for broRyder/Avitus Rix. Lemme cuddle that turian pls. He needs it.

Aaaaw he really does

raniwrites replied to your post “What are your MEA rare pairings? I feel like with the trilogy I have...”

I like Kallo/Ryder, Raeka/Ryder and Kandros/Ryder. I'm also a fan of Jaal/Vetra actually lol

I like them all. SisRyder/Raeka would be really great :)

[prioritysurkesh]

More than Gratitude

Pairing: Pathfinder Raeka/Sis!Ryder

Rating: MA

Warnings: Xenophilia, graphic sex, and inapproriate use of the Dalatrass title.

Summary: A sequel to A Pathfinder’s Gratitude. A PWP with a Part II, but get this: it’s longer than the last one and has some feels in it. It also features some speculative headcanons about sex taboos in salarian culture, which I swing backwards and forwards between but wanted to include for Raeka’s character.

If you enjoyed this and have an idea for a short story or PWP about any salarian character, or just want to talk about salarians tbh, then drop me a line.

Word count: 5609

-----------------------

Sara fidgeted nervously outside the door to Pathfinder Raeka’s quarters. Naturally, considering the unexpected events of the pairs last meeting, she’d been ecstatic to receive the summons to Ark Paarchero. Now that she was here, however, she felt more bashful than a school girl; shifting her weight from foot to foot, adjusting and re-adjusting her hair, taking calming breath after calming breath.

Should I have dressed up?

Giving herself a once over, she pulled the zip of her leather jacket up… and then down again.

Down. Casual? Up. Smart casual? Down-

The decision was made for her when the doors to Raeka’s apartment suddenly whirred open.

“Pathfinder Ryder.”

Zevin Raeka appeared in the doorway, a welcoming smile on her face, “Don’t look so surprised, you are here to see me after all.”

“Pathfinder Raeka…”, Sara managed, her slight embarrassment at being caught dithering in the corridor was nothing compared to how taken aback she was by the salarian’s outfit.

Her hostess was wearing what, at first glance, seemed to be an ornate ceremonial gown. It was dark red, sleeveless, with an intricate golden trim around the seams; it fell just past her knees, with deep slits that ran the length of her thighs. A hood was also attached to the back, though Raeka didn’t have it up, and her exposed arms were clad in golden bangles.

Sara had seen enough salarians on the Citadel modelling full dress-robes to know they weren’t a people who did fancy in half measures. Still, it was a surprise to see her friend in cultural dress… she supposed Zevin might regard her own attire with a similar curiosity.

“How did you know I was there?”

“My scanner detected human life-signs in the corridor. I thought you might have gotten lost”,

Turning back into the apartment Raeka beckoned her guest to follow, crossing the room to a small seating area, and sitting down in one of the firm backed chairs.

Sara took a moment to glance around the rest of the room, it was large, spacious, and extensively decorated. Her eye was drawn to a large tapestry hanging above the bed; it had an unfamiliar symbol embroidered in the centre.

Raeka tracked Ryder’s gaze, “It’s my Clan sigil.”

“Hmm… it’s pretty.”

“Thank you. Please-”, the salarian gestured to the seat next to her, “-make yourself comfortable.”

Noting the human’s hesitation Zevin continued, trying to put her at ease, “I’d be happy to tell you more about my Clan ornaments if you’d like, though that wasn’t exactly my intention when I invited you here.”

 Sara rounded on her, raising an eyebrow, “And what were your intentions?”

“For us to have a chance to talk, away from prying eyes and ears”, Raeka leant back in her chair. Her body language at first glance seemed open, relaxed, but Ryder knew better.

“You look nice”, Sara mentally kicked herself as soon as the word ‘nice’ escaped her lips.

The salarian didn’t seem to mind, a distinct greenish colour rising in her cheeks, “Thank you, again. It’s nothing special, you should see my old Dalatrass robes.”

Tired of the distance between them, Sara dropped into the proffered chair; fiddling with the cuffs on her jacket to stop her hands shaking, “Wait, you were a Dalatrass?”

“Yes, briefly”, Raeka pulled a face, “I was suited to the bureaucratic manoeuvring, but my conscience is lighter now knowing that those who follow me do so out of choice. Plus, I have the freedom to pick my own battles, such as the effort to restore Erinle’s biodiversity.”

Ryder frowned, it struck her how little she had ever been told about salarian culture, “What do you mean they ‘do so out of choice’?”

“When a salarian hatches, we imprint on the first person we see. Regulations ensure that person is always the Clan Dalatrass, or Dalatrasses in the case of females. Imprinting lasts a lifetime, and we can be… cultish in our devotion to family.”

“The same could be said of humans, but that… surprises me”, Sara took a moment to process the information she’d been given, “You- salarians, I mean -always seem so logical. Considered.”

“You aren’t the first to assume that and, for the most part, it’s true”, she laughed, “We’re pragmatic, let’s say. What else can you be when you live forty years.”

 “Hey, you only need an hour of sleep per day”, Ryder smirked, “You’re getting more bang for your buck on an hourly basis.”

Zevin giggled, “That’s very true.”

Ryder resisted the urge to ask her hostess how old she was. Part of her was afraid of the answer. She did note that her hostess seemed to be squinting, and blinking in a slow, almost deliberate manner. Maybe this was the salarian equivalent of a human batting their eyelashes. She hoped so, and continued her questioning.

“So, you have children, right?”, she cringed internally. Real smooth, real smooth.

“Oh yes, many.”

“How many is many?”

“Hundreds.”

Sara tried, with some difficulty, to prevent the shock from registering on her face, “Oh, cool."

She was incredibly grateful when Raeka changed the subject.

“Perhaps you would like some wine?”  

“Hell yes.”

Raeka grinned, rising gracefully to her feet, she crossed the room to a tall bureau with dark metallic panelling.

Ryder watched on as the salarian returned with a bottle and two glasses, drinking in the view of her toned legs, quite visible beneath the scanty dress.

“I��m kind of surprised we’re drinking wine…” Sara queried, taking the offered glass.

“You don’t make a habit of drinking with salarians, do you?”

Ryder shrugged, “Usually in mixed company, where neither party is providing the liquor. This is your poison of choice?”

“Have you ever tried coort?”

“No.”

“Well”, Raeka smirked, “Let’s just say I’d opt for this any day of the week.”

Sara took a sip, though she didn’t know much about wine – let alone port – she’d venture this was expensive, “Have your tastes always been so cosmopolitan?”

“More so in recent years. My Dalatrass training exposed me to a myriad of xeno-culture, but it came with strings. Responsibilities.”

If Sara hadn’t been watching so closely she would have missed slight twitch at the inner corners of the salarian’s eyes. The momentary stiffening of her shoulders, and the tensing of her lips.

“What kind of strings?”

“I was given a chance to sample a great deal of what the galaxy had to offer. The catch was, first and foremost, that I had to prospect each and every new experience for its political utility.”

“The way you talk about it, it’s so clinical. Don’t you ever miss it?”  

“Not at all”, Zevin shook her head vehemently, before taking a gulp of her drink.

Sara followed suit, continuing to press her host playfully, “Come on, not even a little?”

The salarian bit her lip, leaning forward conspiratorially, “Only the title.”

Ryder burst out laughing, “Really? Dalatrass Raeka does has a nice ring to it. Though you didn’t strike me as the type for titles.”

“A fact which doesn’t leave this room, Pathfinder.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Dalatrass.” 

They sat in silence for a moment, staring at each other. Sara could have sworn Zevin’s expression was expectant, and perhaps a little uncertain.

Ryder’s cheeks felt hot, her body reacting to the wine and the sudden shift in the intensity of their conversation, “And what opportunity are you looking for after serving this wine tonight?”

Raeka brought a hand to her heart, her tone mock offended, “None. Fine company deserves fine wine.”

“Good, because your wiles won’t work on me…” Ryder paused, gauging her reaction.

The salarian’s large eyes grew wider still and Sara realised, for the first time, she couldn’t distinguish the colour of the pupil from the iris. She could, however, say two things about them with certainty: that they held a thousand secrets she would never be privy to, and that she was utterly enthralled by their beauty.

“It’s not because I don’t think you’re charming, or that you’re not a most gracious hostess…”

As Ryder approached Raeka found herself rising to her feet, almost instinctively, to meet her halfway.

The salarian was used to picking up on the cues of mental arousal, all of which she was feeling, but that didn’t account for the bodily sensations she was also experiencing.

Elevated heartrate, mild increase in adrenaline, substantial increase in blood flow around horns and… She faltered in listing her symptoms. Unexpected. 

The way the human was eyeing her up, like she was about to pounce on her, caused a shiver to cascade down her spine. She couldn’t deny that she liked it. No more than she could deny that she had been anxiously awaiting Sara’s arrival all afternoon. So much so that she’d programmed a scanner specifically to alert her when she was outside the door.

Despite all that, she hadn’t been expecting this kind of bodily reaction, Maybe it’s just the wine…

“… but because I know what you want…”

Right, yes, Ryder, still talking. Zevin schooled her face into an expression she hoped did not reveal she’d been caught up in her own thoughts. Wait, what?

“Oh?”

“… and I’m more than willing to give it to you.”

“Ah, I see.”

Sara was so close now, all Raeka need do was lean in and their lips would meet. Yet she held back. Uncertainty bubbling inside her, despite the liquid courage, and despite Ryder’s explicit signalling she was clear to proceed.

The salarian even jumped a little when she felt the human’s hands settle on her waist.

She suddenly felt shy, this was a greater indiscretion than their last encounter. She’d sought out this woman’s company not once, but twice now; a fact as inescapable as the blood rushing to her...

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Dalatrass”, Sara’s grip tightened on the salarian’s waist as she spoke, her fingers twisting into the material of the dress.

Raeka nodded, coyly averting her gaze, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot too…”

You want this. She wants this. Those traditions are from a galaxy over six shrelling centuries in the past. Get on with it.

Sara was surprised by the force with which Zevin pressed herself into her arms, and eagerly matched the salarian’s frantic movements when their lips finally met. Gripping her lover tightly, she steered them in the direction of the bed.

Raeka staggered backwards, steadied by the human’s hands on her hips.

The pair parted only momentarily to tear off their outer clothes, and in Zevin’s case jewellery; all of which were quickly discarded as they tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of limbs.

Sara relished the feeling of having the lithe alien pinned beneath her. Grinding her hips against her, she felt some satisfaction from the friction generated by the salarian’s knickers. Even greater was the satisfaction she gained from the noises her lover made when she grazed her teeth against her neck. Spurred on by the need to have the more experienced Pathfinder writhing beneath her, Ryder managed - with a little resistance - to flip the salarian onto her front.

Raeka whined as Sara pressed her down into the sheets. Clawing at the pillow, she felt Sara’s hand snake underneath her stomach. With what little movement she had, Zevin lifted her hips obligingly, allowing her lover access between her legs.

Raeka adored the fact that her lover’s fingers found their way to her cloaca with no questions asked. The fact that she didn’t have to explain her burning desire to be touched there, or why Sara’s insistent biting of her neck made her hot around her horns. She could let go and enjoy the moment without needing a reason.

“This is what you want, isn’t it?”, Sara purred, rubbing her lover’s entrance through her silk undergarments.

The salarian let out a shuddering breath, rocking her hips against Sara’s hand. She could barely think, the feeling of being beholden to her lover’s desire like this was intoxicating.

“Uh”, Zevin tried to compose herself, but even through fabric the human’s touch made her head spin. Her mind was racing, the memory of having Ryder’s fingers inside her only heightening her anticipation of what was to come, “Sara, please…”

Ryder hooked her fingers around the elastic of Raeka’s panties and pulled them down to her knees; she allowed the salarian to lift each leg in turn to shimmy them off, but kept a firm had on her lower back to indicate she shouldn’t move any more. She scratched her nails up her lover’s back, running her left hand over her ass and down her outer thigh.

“You’re so sensitive…”, she murmured as the salarian trembled in response to her touch.

Zevin felt very exposed with her bottom elevated and underwear off, “Is that a good thing?”

“Mhm”, Ryder ran her fingers round the edges of Raeka’s cloaca, marvelling once more at the intricate tattoos that framed her thighs, lower back, and abdomen.

Wetting her fingers, Sara traced the outline of the salarian’s entrance, rubbing up and down the length of the slit, “You like that?”

Raeka’s body felt electrified by the human’s touch, “Yes, I want your fingers inside me.”

Sara laughed softly, and when she spoke her voice held mischief, “So, do salarians get wet or…?”

“Um, we-”, as Zevin began to formulate an answer Ryder gently pressed a finger into her, causing her to choke on her words, “we don’t- uh- don’t exhibit- uh- arousal in so-”

With the human sliding her finger in and out of her, even at a slow pace, it took all of Raeka’s willpower to continue. Her cloaca ached from the all too familiar sensation, but determined as ever she answered her lover’s question, “…in so visceral a way.”

Sara withdrew her finger to examine it, and was highly amused by the disappointed groan her lover made at the loss of contact. She drew her free hand up to caress the salarian’s thigh, marvelling at how smooth her skin was.

Not quite soft as human skin, though it seems to hold more moisture, she mused, before sharply bringing the palm of her hand down across Raeka’s ass.

Raeka yelped, pulling her head out of the pillow and twisting round to stare up at Ryder pleadingly. It had dawned on her what a compromising position she was in, the acknowledgement of which only increased her arousal.

If anyone found us like this… She moaned as she felt the human’s fingers begin massaging her entrance again. To be caught indulging such base desires would, in many salarian social circles, be an instant character assassination.

But with Sara, she felt safe; making no attempt to stifle a cry of pleasure when the human spanked her again.

Ryder could feel the tell-tale signs of her own arousal, from the wetness pooling between her legs to the heightened sensitivity in her clit. If what Zevin said was true, there would be no similar signs demonstrated by her body… and yet…

From this position, she could examine the salarian’s cloaca more closely. There were little ridges around the top and bottom that seemed slightly swollen, and the sharp hitches in breath when she touched those folds confirmed her suspicions as to what their purpose was.

Keeping two fingers stroking the sides of Raeka’s entrance, Sara pressed the flat of her tongue against the slit, licking up and down its length with firm, considered strokes. To ensure the salarian’s attentiveness, she slapped her hand across her ass every now and then.

Zevin hummed her pleasure, propping herself up on her elbows and arching her back so she could better rock her hips against the human’s mouth.

If Raeka had considered this before, she would have assumed that an alien with a longer, rougher tongue would be better suited to pleasing her this way. She was all too glad to discover this exercise was about more than just the tongue. The softness of the human’s lips, kissing and sucking at her sensitive skin, was enough to make her squirm. Soon the salarian was answering the subtle vibrations of her lover’s slightly muffled moans with her own. Whenever Sara’s tongue flicked over a particularly tender area, or better still intruded inside, Zevin made sure to reward her effort with gentle non-verbal encouragements.  

Sara couldn’t quite place the taste in her mouth, it was sticky, but didn’t have a particularly strong scent - Probably owing to a lack of sexual hormones – yet it cloyed around her lips and tongue in the most delicious way. Sara gripped the salarian’s ass with both hands to better expose her lover and drive her tongue further inside. She smacked her palms down on Raeka’s soft skin once more, relishing the squeals her more aggressive attentions brought forth.

It was the thought of Ryder’s tongue lapping at her as much as the raw sensation itself that was driving the salarian wild. Whilst Sara’s mouth was otherwise engaged, Raeka let her imagination supply mental stimulation.

She let her mind wander, picturing a lake and the splashing of a waterfall onto rocks, with the human pressing her down into damp grass by the water’s edge. Her horns were burning from base to tip, and it was all the salarian could do to grip the sheets and stop herself tipping to one side. Squeezing her eyes shut tighter still, she envisioned Sara marked by tattoos of a rival clan, dragging her back into the water to mate with her. As the human’s teeth began to tease at the sensitive glands around her entrance she felt completely undone. Any resistance to her more animalistic side was overrun by the need for release.

Ryder on the other hand was enjoying taking her time. Especially now that she could feel the salarian’s cloaca becoming stickier, with some of the liquid spilling over and running down her chin.

So much for salarians not getting wet.

Abruptly, she became aware that her lover’s weight had shifted downwards, and a noise that sounded like she was… scratching?

Bringing a thumb up to maintain some stimulation, Sara reluctantly removed her lips from her lovers leaking entrance and was amused, if a little taken aback, by the sight that greeted her.

Raeka had her face inches from the sheets, twisting her neck from side to side, viciously rubbing her horns against the pillow.

It took the salarian a few seconds to register the human had ceased her ministrations. She could feel her stare without looking. She opened one eye to meet the human’s inquisitive stare.

“Sara… you’re teasing me…”, she whined, indignantly.

Sara didn’t respond immediately, taking a moment to admire her handiwork. She caressed two fingers over Raeka’s entrance and, when she withdrew, the salarian’s arousal clung to them.

“Seems like you’re pretty wet to me…”

Zevin had time to do little more than blush as Ryder leant in and pressed her lips against her cloaca once more, spreading it open with her fingers and spitting into the slit to add a bit more lube; though she hoped it wouldn’t be necessary.  

Straightening into a seated position Ryder wrapped her arms around the salarian’s waist and yanked her into her lap, “Sit.”

Sara traced her fingers down the slightly outward curve of Zevin’s taught stomach, steering her lover to lean into her left shoulder.

Raeka sighed contentedly as the human’s fingers tended to her needs once more and obediently leant back against her. She was careful not to press too hard on the woman’s breasts, which she still had no idea what to do with yet.  

She also kept thinking about Sara’s comment on her being wet, which was compounded by the fact she could now really appreciate the truth of her statement.

She didn’t want to look at her cloaca. It felt hot and sticky, and her inner thighs were also slick with arousal. It was so carnal. For her body to react to so…

Her train of thought was interrupted as Sara’s fingers slid inside her. Two of them. Without warning. Almost all the way to the knuckle.

Raeka squealed, her hips jerking away involuntarily only to find herself held fast by the human’s other arm. Though the action was met with little physical resistance, it was only natural for the salarian to recoil from such a sudden intrusion.

“Shhh…”, Sara murmured, kissing her throat, “I know you can take it, just relax.”

Zevin groaned, her legs trembling and she forced them open to stay open; she snaked an arm around Ryder’s neck. The human was right, she could take it, and the dull ache in her cloaca as her lover pulled out seemed to indicate she wanted more, not less.

“You won’t be able to walk after I’m finished with you.”

Emphasising her point Ryder worked her fingers deeper on the second thrust; massaging the sensitive folds of skin around the outside with her thumb.

Raeka was panting, the sudden intensity of stimulation was dizzying. She turned and to look up at the human, batting her lower eyelids, “Fighting talk, Ryder…”, she paused to take a shuddering breath, “Do your worst.”

Their lips met with fiery intensity, kisses becoming sloppy as Sara’s hand found a rhythm between the salarian’s thighs.

Raeka’s moans were lost in Sara’s mouth, her eyes squeezed shut against the onslaught of sensation. The urgency of her lover’s kisses set a tempo her unpractised mouth could barely keep up with, and thankfully Ryder seemed content to lavish her cheeks with attention in the moments when Raeka couldn’t match it. Her involuntary vocalisations of pleasure, which were coming hard and fast now, were echoed by her lover, and Zevin could feel the human’s arousal, hot and wet, against her lower back.

Sara was desperate to bring Raeka to release whilst holding her in her arms. Whilst they barely knew each other, and this was only their second ‘encounter’, it felt intimate, right. Besides, the noises the salarian was making were driving her wild. She would have thought Zevin would have tried to stay quiet, they were on Ark Paarchero after all, and she had made it clear that this wasn’t something she was comfortable with others knowing about. Maybe she’s too far gone to care.

“You’ll wake half the Ark, making noises like that…”, Ryder drawled, “Maybe that’s what you really want.”

The salarian tried to respond, but the only thing she could focus on was the throbbing of her cloaca and the way pleasure rippled in waves throughout her lower abdomen as it was forced to accommodate her lover. She opened her mouth, a strangled whine was about all she could manage.

“Perhaps you want to be caught. What would your Clan have to say if they knew you liked to be fucked rough like a mindless animal, Dalatrass?”

“I- I- I don’t, I-”, the salarian feebly protested. Being called by that title whilst being defiled like this was disrespectful, wrong… and she loved it.

“Yes, you do”, Sara growled, nipping at her lover’s cheek. She’d had an inkling that Raeka got off on the taboo nature of their coupling, and the more she thought about it, the more she realised she did too. There were hardly any taboos in human culture surrounding sex anymore, even if the consequences were just pretend – for her at least – the forbidden was always exhilarating.

“Not mindless. N-not like an- an animal”, Zevin hissed. Though her protestations were entirely futile as every movement of Sara’s fingers made her rut and moan.

“No? Then I suppose I’m not fucking you hard enough yet…”

Withdrawing her hand, Ryder slid her ring finger into her lover to wet it, before using all three to massage the sides of her cloaca.

Raeka could feel three fingers tentatively probing her entrance, a stream of untranslatable profanity gushing from her lips.

She wanted to watch. Opening her eyes, the salarian looked down and was shocked to see how much she had leaked over Sara’s hand, her own thighs, the sheets. She barely had time to contemplate the implications before Ryder pushed inside her once more. She found herself transfixed on the sight of the human’s fingers disappearing into her.

Ryder noticed the salarian turning away from her kisses, and the direction of her attention. She grinned wolfishly, “Is that enough for you, salarian? Are you full yet? Are you satisfied?” Punctuating each question with a wet kiss to her cheek.

Zevin could barely catch her breath, let alone answer. She was unsure how much more her body could handle before it gave way to sensory overload. She could not tear her eyes away from Ryder’s fingers; she was shocked to see her hips rolling to meet the human’s hand, and the clear liquid spilling out of her and coating Sara’s palm. By Shrell, the sounds that accompanied every thrust were obscene…

“If you want more, you’re going to have to beg for it.”

Raeka closed her eyes again, tilting her head back to rest on the woman’s shoulder. The human continued to whisper all manner of filth, interwoven with fervent kisses.

“P-please, Sara… I’ll do anything, just, please…”

“Yes, you will.”

Ryder slowed the pace of her hand to a more sensual rhythm, pressing deeper into her lover with little resistance, “But first I’m going to make you scream, Dalatrass. You’re going to cum with my fingers stuffed in your tight cloaca.”

Raeka braced a hand on Sara’s thigh, clinging hard to the woman as her muscles contracted. She shuddered as her pleasure reached its climax, spreading outward across her lower stomach and down her inner thighs, and causing more hot liquid to spill out from between her legs.

With the salarian gripping her so tightly, Sara clamped her free hand across Zevin’s mouth, stifling her lover’s cries as her orgasm hit. Role play aside, it would be hard to explain this to anyone who might come and check to see if the Pathfinder was being murdered.

When Zevin had stopped quivering, Sara thought it safe to remove her hand from her mouth… after watching her lover cum with such intensity, the throbbing in her clit had reached fever pitch. She needed to be touched.  

Raeka gripped Ryder’s wrist, groaning at the wet popping noise her cloaca made when she tugged the human’s fingers out.

“Zevin, are you alright?”, Sara studied her lover’s face, her eyes were still squeezed shut.

The salarian dragged Ryder’s sticky hand to her mouth, slipping them past her lips and sighing as she tasted herself. She blinked up at Sara, sucking on the human’s fingers hungrily.

“More than. Though I think it’s my turn to make you scream.”

Sara cradled her lover in her arms for a moment before setting her down onto her back. She straddled her, edging forwards so her knees were either side of Raeka’s head.

The salarian’s long tongue could easily reach her without having to lower herself all that much.

Zevin relished both the taste and the noise Sara made when she licked her. The human’s arousal dripped down her tongue and onto her lips. It tasted much more distinctive than her own, and she preferred it. She wanted more. Wrapping her arms around Sara’s thighs she encouraged her to come closer, and the human was all too happy to oblige.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”, Ryder gritted her teeth as Raeka’s dexterous tongue lapped from her entrance to her clit in firm, unfaltering strokes.

Looking down at her lover’s big, black eyes, Sara had to brace an arm against the wall, “How are you so good at that?”

Of course, Raeka didn’t reply, her mouth was somewhat engaged, instead swirling the tip of her tongue in circular motions around her lover’s clit.

Ryder whimpered, arching her back and trying to resist the urge not to bear down on her lover and start fucking her face. She’d cum too quickly like that and she wanted to savour every second of this.

The salarian gripped Sara’s ass, pulling her hips forward to meet her tongue as she pressed it against her entrance.

It was the first-time Ryder really considered how perfect salarian faces were for sitting on, without the sometimes-awkward nose squashing that could occur with humans. And, as Raeka’s tongue slid inside, she also contemplated how perfect other parts of salarian anatomy were.

Just as she felt her climax building, Zevin shoved her back, and Sara had to steady herself so she didn’t fall onto the alien beneath her.

Her lover was one step ahead of her, wriggling out from between Ryder’s legs and pouncing on her with agility that took the human by surprise.

“It’s my turn to be on top”, Raeka’s eyes were lit up with glee as she leant over Sara, who was propped up into a near seated position by her elbows. Zevin knelt between Ryder’s legs, pressing a finger against the human’s lips to hush her protests, and using her other hand to keep rubbing the woman’s clit.

“Now, what am I supposed to do with these?”, the salarian removed her finger from Ryder’s mouth and poked it into the soft tissue of her breast.

Sara yelped, “Hey-”, once more her protests were cut off, as Raeka soothingly teased at her cunt with her other hand.

It didn’t help Ryder’s concentration that she could see her arousal shining around the salarian’s lips.

“You suck on them, here”, Sara traced her the outline of her nipples with her index fingers, “And squeeze- gently.” She demonstrated the soft massaging movement she wanted on the swell of her breast. It was hardly the best explanation, but it was the best she could manage under the current circumstances.

Zevin nodded solemnly, “Lie back.”

Ryder complied without hesitation, all her thoughts overrun by a desperate need for Raeka’s touch.

Sara soon realised, however, that there was in fact something that salarians were not suited to. Sucking.

Encouragingly Ryder placed a hand behind her lover’s head, affectionately scratching at her horns, she instructed her, “Close your mouth around it- yes, just like that- now with your tongue…”

The pair retained near constant eye contact, only broken in moments when Sara stretched her neck back, pushing her chest out to help Raeka gain traction on her skin.

Zevin let go of Ryder’s nipple, and exhaled sharply, clearly frustrated, “I’m not good at this.” Her tone was apologetic, “I don’t think my people evolved with this in mind.”

“It’s okay”, Sara stroked the salarian’s cheek, “Your beautiful smile more than makes up for it.”

Raeka stared at her, blinking slowly.

“You’re too kind”, she muttered, before closing the gap between their lips. Kissing, she had decided, was an art she intended to gain full mastery of.

“And your tongue…”, Ryder murmured between kisses, “Your tongue also makes up for it.”

“Well-”, Zevin shoved Sara back on the bed, “I better start putting it to good use then.”

With her lover’s wicked tongue at work between her legs once more Ryder knew she was close to finishing. She took Raeka’s hands as they snaked around her thighs and gave them an affectionate squeeze every time her lover hit a particularly good spot.

She cried out the salarian’s name when she climaxed, arching her back off the bed, she felt like the only thing that mattered in the galaxy was the two of them.

Raeka crawled up and straddled her, going in for another kiss, her mouth coated in her lover’s cum.

The human kissed her, only briefly, before shakily sitting up, swallowing, and trying to catch her breath.

“Is something wrong, you did finish-”

Sara nodded reassuringly, and offered her a weak smile, biting her lip, “Zevin… I… I think if we keep doing this I’m going to fall for you.”

The salarian licked her lips, “Fall for me? I don’t understand…”

Ryder took her lover’s hands again, “As in catch feelings.”

Raeka looked taken aback, “I can assure you, Sara, you won’t catch anything from me. We all had mandatory medical examinations before we were cleared for-”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean that I’d catch something from you, rather that I react to you in a certain way… a way that I’m not sure is healthy for me if it’s not reciprocated.”

This statement was met with another blank expression, “We’re both levi-amino acid species. Any reactions you’re having can, I’m sure, be fixed with a simple antihistamine.”

Sara shook her head, exasperated, “Romantic feelings, Raeka.”

“Oh”, the salarian blinked rapidly, not meeting the human’s gaze, “That’s… very sweet of you to, um, think of me in that way.”

Ryder also looked away defeated; staring resolutely at her hands, “But you don’t feel the same.”

“It’s not that”, Raeka quickly countered, “I just wasn’t expecting… You’re the first person to tell me that and… I don’t really know what to say.”

“So, there is something more here, it’s not all in my head?”

“I think so…”

“You think so?”

Raeka sighed, “This is new territory for me, Ryder. I’d never even considered romantic love a possibility, but maybe that’s more to do with opportunity than inclination… You have to know, this isn’t usual for my kind.”

“There’s nothing usual about you, Zevin”, Sara lifted a hand to cup the salarian’s cheek.

Raeka’s hand clasped her wrist, cementing the intimacy of the moment by kissing the human’s palm, “We still have half a bottle of wine to finish, why don’t you stay a while and we can talk about it.”

“I’d like that.”

[little-blue-tiefling]

If you are still taking prompts: 16. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” SaraxRaeka

16. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” from this prompt list.

I am always down to take prompts, especially when it comes to my favourite super rare-pair in Andromeda

This one’s kinda short (I mean its still like a thousand words so tbh not sure why I think its short) but yeah, my favourite chicks in Andromeda

————————————————————————–

Time was ticking slowly, crowds of people surrounding heroes bathing in an atmosphere of happiness and celebration and hope. Another outpost, another set of colonists woken from their centuries of slumber, and Sara. Sara, standing so strong and straight in the centre of it all. Sara, respectful and smiling and shining, shining as though she were the one light on a darkened sea, guiding the ships to safety. The people regarded her as a saviour - an icon - and Raeka had to agree. She had watched amazed time and time again as she did the impossible, overcome odds and hurdles and a million other obstacles that had been launched at her.

Though Raeka had not been there to see it, she had heard that Sara had cried when they made the outpost on Voeld, the final place for an outpost. It was something she couldn’t imagine, but also something that made complete sense. Usually, she played her emotions off with a quick joke, a witty one liner used to dissolve tension and move focus off of her feelings, but here while standing for new colonists, a hope-inducing speech, much like her father’s used to be, fell effortlessly from her lips instead.

And Raeka admitted to being entranced with her again. Entranced at the sound of her voice weaving around her, and the sincerity and passion behind every single word that caused her heart to swell in pride and adoration. Raeka looked on, a smile on her lips and awe in her eyes as she watched the inspiration to a new generation, the woman she loved, talk.

Sometimes, in moments like these, Raeka was amazed that Sara could love her. She seemed so distant and untouchable, yet so close to everyone at the same time. It was as though she were like some sort of celebrity, someone you could touch for only a second before she was whisked away somewhere else to see a thousand more people just like you.

Sara like this was always so different from the Sara over the comms, or the Sara who laid spread out on the sofa in her cabin, still in her work-out gear, well past the time she should have gone to sleep talking about why she loved the third Blasto movie the most for the fourth time in the space of a month.

“I couldn’t have done this alone though, of course without my squad and my crew I’d be nowhere right now. We all may be dead. So I may have lead this team, but they really did share the effort here. And the other pathfinders. Sarissa, Avitus and Macen… Raeka,” she shot her a smile, lingering for an instant before turning back to the crowd. “They have been working as hard as I have to make sure the Heleus cluster is perfect and survivable for us all. When you go today, leave to start your new life in this new galaxy, remember them. And should you need help, remember that our first priority is keeping you safe.”

The newly awakened colonists cheered, laughed and clapped and grinned and there was an air of celebration to their being awake, unlike the original colonists back when being woken early was a negative event. Back when being woken early was something to be fearful of because it meant probable death at the hands of a dangerous environment.

Sara stepped down from the podium, quickly managing to dodge people trying to talk to her and weaving through the waves of people crashing together as they moved against her, until finally she reached Raeka. “Good speech, as always pathfinder,” Raeka complimented once her girlfriend was directly before her, an easy smile on her face.

Visibly relaxed by those words, Sara exhaled. "Oh, good. I never know what to say up there.”

Raeka found that hard to believe. After all, Sara always seemed to know exactly what to say and do. But then, she was also very good at ‘winging it’, something Raeka had witnessed far too often to feel content with but had to admit was an impressive skill.

“You were amazing, Sara, you always are…” Raeka trailed off for a minute, eyes drawn to her face and lips and for a second, she could have leant down to kiss her, but the moment was broken with another nudge from the impatient colonists, shaking Raeka out of her daze and making her wonder whether Sara was really in the mood to be so affectionate right now. So instead of leaning down to kiss her, she just reached out to grab Sara’s hand.

“Let’s get a drink?” she suggested, gesturing towards the Vortex. “You know, I can’t believe that I want to go to the vortex so we can go somewhere quieter. Usually it’s the other way around.”

Taking the lead, Sara chuckled and pulled Raeka along to the one bar where she actually trusted what she was drinking - for the most part, anyway.They ended up sitting at a booth, two drinks on the table but never actually touched as they talked and laughed and reminisced. About missions that went awry, about squad mates and the crazy things that had happened since they’d last had the chance to properly catch up with one another and about their progression, how they were getting on in their never-ending quest.

Words flowed easily and freely. Here, they were Sara Ryder and Zevin Raeka. They were normal here, like everyone else. Not Pathfinders, nor saviours of the cluster, because titles didn’t matter. This- this here was when they were most relaxed. Trading tales and sharing adventures, laughing about the smallest things because they weren’t sure how long it would be until they got to laugh again.

A poet cut off their conversation for a time, and Raeka could have groaned. Slam poetry night, she’d completely forgotten about it. Though, at least this poet wasn’t all that bad - A Turian male talking about defending a colony from an attack. Far more interesting than some of the poets they’d had in the past.

No more than halfway through the poem, Sara stood with the stealth of a trained infiltrator and made her way around the table to Raeka’s side of the booth without drawing an eye. Well, aside from Raeka’s

“Sara?”

“Raeka…” She knelt down on the seat, making herself as tall as Raeka so that she was able to gain perfectly equal eye contact, peering into Raeka’s eyes with a soft intensity. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?” she whispered softly, the small look that sometimes fell over her - one of concern - painted deep within her eyes.

“You’ve been so busy… I wasn’t sure you wanted me too…”

“Raeka, I always want you too,” Sara chuckled with a tender, reassuring smile.

Without another word, Raeka raised her hand up to rest on Sara’s cheek, pulling her in swiftly and kissing her with fervent passion. Falling into Raeka, softly breathing as Raeka traced gentle caresses along her hip and her cheek, Sara’s arms wrapped around her slender body as they fell into their own personal rhythm, drowning out the entire club around them. Everything fazing into nothing but Sara and Raeka in a peaceful moment of perfection.

[tali-zorahs]

title: so just tell me today and take my hand

pairing: raeka/ryder

also on ao3

The human Pathfinder had a curious habit of turning colors around people.

Raeka had noticed it especially when Ryder was talking to her - it was hard not to. And it wasn’t really “colors” so much as a single color - a brilliant, bright red. During her relatively miniscule amount of free time she’d taken the time to check if that was a common human thing. She was incredibly relieved to find out that it was, in fact, very common, but her research into this only made her more curious. There were a number of reasons why humans did this, and it wasn’t on purpose when they did - it was an involuntary reaction to an external stimuli. Sometimes they do it because they’re angry, or cold, or embarrassed, or any number of reasons - the list had gone on and on.

But this only brought her back to the question of why Ryder was doing it in the first place.

Raeka was fairly certain it wasn’t because Ryder was angry at her. Not that she couldn’t imagine the other Pathfinder being angry at her for some reason or another - for one, she’d seen Ryder go off once or twice after a particularly trying meeting with Tann. But the rapport she and Ryder always seemed to Raeka to be quite friendly, and Ryder was rarely shy at telling people how she felt about something. She had, more than once, been a little more honest with Nexus authority than they’d seemed prepared to deal with. If she weren’t so effective Raeka imagined Tann would have tossed her off the Nexus by now. So Raeka had to assume that if Ryder was angry with Raeka she would just tell her so, possibly with a fair amount of interesting language that the translator might take the time to translate.

And all of their conversations took place on the Nexus, which was temperature controlled; she was fairly sure the temperature was comfortable for humans, since they did tend to make up a large portion of the Nexus staff. So it seemed unlikely that Ryder was cold - especially since she mostly seemed to do it when she talked to Raeka, which would, of course, have no relation to the temperature.

Embarrassment had also been mentioned as one of the reasons why humans would turn red, but again she couldn’t quite figure out what reason she’d have to be embarrassed, especially since that would imply Ryder was embarrassed a lot, which seemed… wrong, somehow? Ryder was many things, but Raeka hardly would have categorized her as “easily flustered.” Remembering her calm when she’d come back for Raeka on the Archon’s ship, as though Raeka hadn’t just inadvertently forced her to choose between herself and her friend’s scouts, Raeka wasn’t certain the human could be ruffled at all.

Then again, Raeka had seen her plenty emotive around her crew, so it wasn’t that she was robotic; she was logical, yes, but she felt just as strongly as any human, and her actions continually made it clear how much she cared for others.

Which only brought her to her own preoccupation with Ryder, something she had already processed and compartmentalized.

It wasn’t something that needed much thought - Raeka had always been a particularly bad salarian, so it came as no surprise that she might be bucking another salarian custom by falling for the human. She wasn’t even surprised that Ryder was the one who’d caught her attention. She was magnetic, that couldn’t be argued. It wasn’t that Ryder never made mistakes, but rather that she stood by them and made the most of the situations that resulted. Raeka can’t help but think that Ryder had miscalculated by coming back to rescue her, but she will forever be grateful for it, regardless of the wisdom behind the choice.

No, Raeka was well aware of her feelings, but she was also well aware that it was unlikely to work out in her favor. For one, humans tend to prefer their partners to be of a romantic and a sexual nature, which is something Raeka certainly couldn’t be. Additionally, there was the issue of their life spans - the asari might have plenty of experience with outliving their partners by centuries, but the humans most certainly did not. But most importantly, it was unlikely that Ryder had any interest in Raeka. While their relationship so far was certainly friendly, and Raeka felt sure she could count Ryder among her friends, there was a difference in desires between a platonic and romantic relationship. While she knew of plenty of asari/human relationships and at least a few turian/human relationships, she couldn’t think of a single salarian/human one. Which largely had to do with the general salarian disinterest in all of that but also, salarians were hardly considered conventionally attractive by human st-

“Raeka?”

Oh.

“Hello, Ryder. You’re doing well, I take it?” Raeka asked the woman standing in front of her. She looked like she’d just gotten off the Tempest, which, odds are, she had.

“Great, considering,” Ryder told her, pushing some of the stray bits of hair behind her ear. The holder she had for it at the back of her head never seemed to keep it in control, as she always had some hair escaping in front of her face. “You looked like you were spacing a bit. Thinking?”

“Yes, just musing. I must have gotten caught up in my own thoughts,” Raeka responded with a smile, and there it was again. The red tinge, blooming across Ryder’s cheek. It wasn’t much, but Raeka had gotten better at noticing it over time; it was, to tell the truth, endearing.

“You should call me Sara, by the way,” Ryder - Sara - told her. “I know us Pathfinders play at professionalism but I figure it’s only fair,”

“Then I suppose you should call me Zevin,” Raeka responded immediately, and the red on Sara’s face grew.

“You don’t have to - I’m fine calling you Raeka, really,” Sara responded.

“Well, if I’m calling you Sara it’s only fair,” Raeka told her, “Plus, I don’t mind. The formalities do seem a bit forced much of the time.”

At this point, the red on Sara’s face was such that Raeka couldn’t help it; she’d been pondering it for so long she figured it made more sense to just ask.

“I’ve been wondering,” Raeka started, “I noticed that you sometimes turn red when we talk. I looked up the reasons why humans do that but none of the information I found really seemed conclusive, and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing some sort of human social cue.”

If Raeka thought that the human had been red before, mentioning the increasing reddening of her face had only intensified the effect such that Raeka wondered if maybe humans did have some control over it. Sara opened and closed her mouth several times as if she was unsure what to say, and Raeka was suddenly worried she’d stepped on some sort of unspoken social cue.

“If I offended-” Raeka started as Sara put up her hand, effectively stopping her apology.

“No, it’s - it’s only fair, really,” Sara said, looking away from Raeka. “I dunno what you looked up or what it said, but I assume - well, I assume it’s because I’m nervous around you.”

“Nervous?” Raeka responded, “I don’t remember seeing that meaning.”

“Well, more like that I’m embarrassed, preemptively, about making a fool of myself in front of you. Like I am now,” Sara responded, continuing to look at everything but Raeka.

“You hardly seem the type to be flustered, I’ve seen you in tenser situations than talking to me,” Raeka responded, a bit of confusion evident in her voice, which even Sara seemed to pick up on.

“That’s not entirely true,” Sara told her, trailing off for a moment. At this point, she actually looks Raeka in the eyes, and Raeka is taken aback by how expressive her eyes are. They’re pretty, in an aesthetic sense, but the real beauty was in how they didn’t really hide what Sara was thinking.

Sara let out a deep sigh. “The truth is that you, particularly you, make me nervous because I really like you and want to impress you, and I- well, I hope this doesn’t bother you but you have the right to know that I sortakinda have feelings for you that are romantic and I definitely did not know what I was getting into when I started this conversation.”

Raeka parsed all of these words quickly, cocking her head to the side in minor amusement and a growing sense of affection. “You know I’m a salarian, right?”

Even through her nerves Sara laughed heartily at this, covering her mouth with her hands as though she hadn’t expected it either.

“I am well aware of that fact, actually,” Sara responded, some of her wits still about her, “Honestly, I don’t expect anything from it but Kallo told me I should say something to you just in case because he said that not all salarians are ‘adverse to the idea’ and I should say something while I can. Plus, like I said, you have a right to know.”

“I take it I should thank Kallo, then?” Raeka responded, smile growing on her face.

“What.”

It was Raeka’s turn to laugh now, as Sara looked at her incredulously, clearly not sure how to take the statement.

“I don’t know what you expect but I can’t - I’m not interested in sex -”

“Neither am I!” Sara blurted out, then immediately slammed her hands over her mouth like she hadn’t meant to say that. “That came out wrong. What I meant is that I wasn’t trying to make a pass at you. That’s not exactly high on my priorities, at all. Sex, that is, not you. Oh god, please save me from myself, I’m making such a fool of myself.”

“Well, in that case,” Raeka told her, approaching Sara and putting a stop to her nervous rambling, “I’d be lying if I said wasn’t interested. In fact, I am very much so interested. In you, that is.”

“That’s - great.” Sara said, staring straight into Raeka’s eyes like she wasn’t sure what to do next.

“Just great?” Raeka teased.

“Fantastic!” Sara responded immediately, bounding forward a bit until they were centimeters apart. Again, she seemed unsure about what to do. “Can I, uh, can I kiss you? I don’t know if that’s actually something you’re interested in and if not that’s fine, we don’t have to but if not I would really, really like to kiss you.”

“I’m curious, if you’d like to humor me,” Raeka said with an edge of humor, continuing, “Though I must say we’ll definitely be all over the news, you know. ‘Human Pathfinder caught snogging the salarian Pathfinder in the docking area,’ they’ll say,” Raeka responded, leaning down enough that Sara could more comfortably reach her.

“That’s a horrible newsline and if they can’t come up with any better then I can’t be bothered with what they think,” Sara responded, her arms looping around the back of Raeka’s neck as she crossed the distance between them, gently pressing her mouth against Raeka’s.

Raeka figured if she had a mouth like a human the experience would be different. For one, she might be able to better respond to whatever Sara was doing with her mouth. Since she didn’t, and also didn’t know exactly how she was supposed to react, Raeka just allowed Sara take the lead; it was an odd sensation, but Raeka had to admit it wasn’t an unpleasant one. Raeka particularly liked the little noise Sara made in the back of her throat when Raeka put her arms around Sara’s waist. The kiss didn’t last too long, as Sara pulled back enough to speak.

“I’m sorry, I hope that wasn’t awful,” Sara told her, “I really don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You would hardly make me uncomfortable,” Raeka told her, “I told you, I’m interested in this as well. I found it rather pleasant.”

“Pleasant is certainly what I aim for,” Sara responded with a grin. Raeka leaned forward, touching their foreheads in a gesture she’d seen turians do.

“I must admit, I’m at quite the disadvantage here. You’re going to have to lead the path on this,” Raeka told her with an edge of apology in her voice.

“Well, I’ve been told I’m quite good at pathfi-” Sara started, her face making an expression that Raeka had started to understand was intended to imply a joke.

“I take it back, I don’t know about this.” Raeka joked back.

“Raeka!” Sara whined, looking like she was half joking and half serious.

“It’s Zevin, remember?” Raeka responded gently.

Sara beamed at her, “Ah, right. Kills the joke a bit, though.”

“It was very funny,” Raeka assures her, leaning down for another kiss that Sara takes no time in returning.

[asketchbookthing]

Matching - My art half of a collab with my amazing Raeder shipper in crime @198cm-of-vetra-nyx Go read the awesome story she wrote to go with it here! 

[reyfinnpoebb8]

I’m back in the game. We’ll be ready, Ryder.

[antibioware]

My final thoughts on Mass Effect: Andromeda (a 3 years late review)

So I spent the past week and a half playing a game I paid 13€ for, one that I promised myself I wouldn't touch but that in the end I gave a solid try to anyway, because I was willing to give Andromeda the benefit of the doubt. Because I'm aware that sometimes I'm a bitch, and that the Mass Effect trilogy had its own problems too, but I still regard it as one of the best gaming experiences of my life.

It wasn't as bad as I had expected it would be, but that doesn't make it good. Above all else, Mass Effect: Andromeda is a game that could have been interesting, had the creators actually cared to make something out of it outside of just “Dragon Age Inquisition in the Mass Effect universe”.

I wanted to write a more coherent post about what I didn’t like about it, aside from just shitting all over it like I’ve been feeling like doing since the canonical bury your gays in the game slapped me in the face. So here it is, an overlong post about a 3 years old game.

Before getting into the main elements that I disliked, I wanna preface this post by saying that I enjoyed parts of the game. The main characters, while not as well characterized as they could have been (no Bioware character ever is), grew on me the more I played the game, and by the end were the main reason why I kept playing. Unlike DA:I, the writers did a really good job building up the found family trope in this game, and while it turns corny at times, it’s very heartwarming. I think many of the planetary settings in Heleus were stunning to look at, to the point that I didn’t even mind all that much having to drive from point A to point B.

I didn’t hate the game, and I’m speaking from the point of view of someone who enjoyed it, but not enough to simply accept its many flaws.

The problems with the gameplay itself

There are three main things that I don’t think work well and are up in your face since the first seconds of the game: the game interface, the fight mechanics, and the open world aspect of the game.

◦ The first impact I had on Andromeda, right from the first 2/3 hours of playing it, was that it was very cluttered and very, very confusing. I had just finished playing ME3 and I had issues understanding how to move without having a proper map onscreen, how to read throught the thousand tutorials for the 100 new, useless elements they added to the game that are either reused from ME1 or taken directly from DA:I. The game didn’t need a crafting system, especially not one DIVIDED IN TWO DIFFERENT SECTIONS, it didn’t need an inventory system, and especially it didn't need to have the sheer amount of sidequest it had.

◦ The fight mechanics + leveling up/classes system is a hot mess. I understand they wanted to try something new, and in part they did make the fighting feel more fluid, but not being able to rely on teammates for necessary stuff like overloads/specific powers that you need during fights severely impaired the strategic element of the game. Now it’s just a third person shooter with teammates dying left and right because you have 0 control on how they fight, aside from putting them in one place or another.

The fact that you can only use 3 powers at the time is a consequence of the confusing leveling up system. Because you can have an endless amount of powers you can give your character, they needed to find a way to make them not too overpowered. The problem is…. You had more powers to use in-game in ME1. It doesn’t work so well.

When the fighting mechanics in ME3, a game that came out in 2012, feel way fluider and more enjoyable than the ones from the game that came out in 2017, something is very wrong.

◦ Open world games are a challenge, because too many developers don’t understand that turning a game into an open world doesn’t make it good, it just makes it bigger and slower. It was a problem with Dragon Age Inquisition, and it’s a problem here with Andromeda - with the only good aspect being that at least Andromeda gives you a decent car to explore the planets.

ME1 had some level of open world-ness, and there was a valid reason why ME2 and ME3 got rid of the concept: the maps you’re given are a big, cluttered mess of nothing. You have several thousands sidequests, many of which incredibly similar to each other, and nothing fucking else. Sometimes you will accidentally stumble upon something interesting, and then return to a 6 hours drive into the nothingness that keeps repeating over and over again.

It got to the point I almost stumbled upon the endgame because I got exhausted of running around doing errands, and I tried continuing the main plot, only to realize I was almost done with it. That was it.

Empty self-referencing

This is the term I used to describe my girlfriend why the way the game made call backs to the previous games bothered me so much. Call backs aren’t new to the concept of the game (the Mass Effect trilogy literally lived on characters returning from previous games, referencing things that had previously happened, etc.), but because this game wanted to be a separate thing from the ME trilogy, it couldn’t use this sort of material. And that’s completely fine! The game wanted to be its own thing, I was happy about it at first, because the trilogy was over and done for. If Mass Effect was indeed gonna continue, it needed a fresh start.

The problem is, it also needed to remind players that it’s a Mass Effect game, the game from which Commander Shepard came.

So, how to solve this matter? Well, instead of referencing stuff that actually happened in the trilogy, it solves the referencing aspect by putting a bunch of relatives of characters from the trilogy in the game. You get Conrad Verner’s sister, Nyreen Kandros’s cousin, a lost illegitimate son of Zaeed Massani, a brief cameo of Garrus Vakarian’s dad, a krogan on New Tuchanka being from clan Urdnot, and so on. And it was funny the first time or so, maybe even the second, but at some point it just turned awkward, and I started asking myself, “is this it? Is this all that’s left of the trilogy, just a bunch of big name characters to remind the player you belong from the same universe?”. The brief way they referenced back to Shepard was also very awkward and felt... out of place, with the rest of the game.

A couple call backs I really liked were:

Liara being acknowledged for her work as a Prothean researcher and being in contant with Ryder Senior, without much reference being done to her time in Shepard’s crew. It was good, seeing her from an outsider perspective.

The fact that Avitus Rix, being a turian ex-Spectre, knew Saren and was in fact his disciple.

Both these elements are things that make sense and tie the game back to the trilogy beyond just going “hey, this x character is the relative of this other x character, isn’t it crazy!”

The plot, and the problem with binary choices

It’s easy to make fun or critique the game struggling to find its own plot after something as big as the ME trilogy was. But Bioware isn’t an indie developer, it’s a huge fucking company, and they could have done better.

While I liked the design of the Remnants architecture and enemies, putting a plot point revolving around an ancient, long lost alien civilization who was much more technologically advanced, sounds a lot like a bad repeat of the Protheans.

I liked the Angara conceptually, but I didn’t like their design all that much and I often found it hysterically funny that angara are supposed to be a deeply emotional race, when the animators left them stuck with those mono expressive faces and unemotional eyes.

And on top of all of this, the kett are boring villains. The exaltation progress is really just a bad repeat of how Reaper indoctrination worked, and the way they talk reminds me of the big bad templars from the Dragon Age universe. It’s literally nothing new, and because of it, it’s boring.

When I was playing the endgame, all I kept thinking was “this is it? this is all they came up with? for real?”. I liked the twins aspect of the endgame, but aside from that, it didn’t feel satisfying.

And now comes the reason why it didn’t feel satisfying: the game got rid of the Paragon/Renegade system from the trilogy, and because of that, they also got rid of the possibility of additional problem-solving solutions during big choices. 

In Andromeda, almost every major quest has a binary choice attached to it: choose this or that. Burn the facility or save all the angara but leave the facility standing. Save the krogans or Raeka. Pick Sloane or Reyes. Keep Sarissa as the Pathfinder or not. Etc.

in the trilogy, complete, important binary choices were rare (choosing Ashley or Kaidan is probably the biggest one) and the consequences had long lasting effects. Not all of them did (saving or killing the rachni in ME1 and rewriting or destroying the geth in ME2 didn’t have so many long term consequences in ME3, for example), but a great deal meant big changes in the following games.

The issues with these choices in Andromeda? None of them matter. Characters will get angry at you for going against their will in a single dialogue line, and then never mention it again. The opinion on the Nexus won’t change if you expose Spender, Addison’s connections to the Exiles, or Nexus people targeting the angara. None of your companions will betray you or leave you for going against their will during their loyalty missions.

A Mass Effect game with choices that don’t influence the final result of the game feels like a joke, and while I know in many ways the trilogy also had a problem on this matter on some parts, dead characters stayed dead and betraying a friend’s trust meant losing them in the near future

The unavoidable part where I mention the issue with LGBT rep in this game because I’m a nonbinary lesbian and I can’t detach that aspect of myself from how I consume media

Endless gays and trans folks out there have already written this sort of matter so as my last point of critique, I’ll make it quick. Bioware has a long story with homophobia and transphobia in its character writing - this without mentioning the huge problems with racism in the character writing, too. Many gay/bi women in Bioware games are written by the same homophobic straight cis man with a lesbo fetish, AKA Lukas Kristjanson, and that alone gives a really good feeling on why such issues exist.

The original Mass Effect trilogy had very little gay romance options, out of the amount of romance options: as of ME3, there are two main gay romance options for fShepard (Liara and Traynor, without counting the mini-romances that were put in the previous games for pure fetish fuel) and two for mShepard (Kaidan and Cortez, both only added in the last game).

Andromeda wasn’t... the big breath of fresh air in the representation department they tried to pass it as. There are more romance options, but for once, there add to add another m/m romance option later on because the only gay romance available were with minor NPCs, and there’s an issue with the amount of content gay romances get compared to main het romances.

There’s a single trans NPC, and it's a random person you meet who tells you her deadname and the reason she transitioned right away. Ugh.

And now we come to the bury your gays mission that made me almost uninstall the game: the mission to find the turian Pathfinder with the help of his partner, the previously mentioned Avitus Rix,  who also happens to be the first gay male turian character in the game (the first gay female turian being Nyreen Kandros, who dies btw). You invest time to trace back to the turian arc, while listening to Avitus talk about how important the turian Pathfinder is to him, you realize pretty fast they’re lovers, and when you find out the turian arc, it’s all to discover that the Pathfinder is already dead. Not a choice in the game that could accidentally kill him, like with Raeka, or an active choice you make to keep him in his role, like Sarissa. He’s already dead, and you’re left with Avitus alone and mourning.

The game is from 2017. This sort of bullshit is unacceptable, and I will keep screaming it until Bioware manages to pretend like they care about their LGBT fans.

To end this mess of a post - Mass Effect: Andromeda lasted me a total of 50 hours of game, and in a way, I’m glad I got it out of my system. It was a delusion, but at least now I can cross it off my list and go back to playing other stuff. I understand that this is a game many ended up liking, and I’m sad I can’t say I’m among them, and that I couldn’t even fully enjoy the game at times. Also I promised myself I wouldn’t mention this but goddamn the facial animations of the game were so ugly.

DESPITE THIS, I really loved the characters, and I very much enjoyed Vetra’s romance, which was the main reason why I bought the game. 

[qupshalfempty]

Mass Effect Rules & Characters List

*Please specify if the reader is Shepard! Or Ryder!*

Who I Will Write

✓ Tali'Zorah

✓ Garrus Vakarian

✓ Liara T'Soni

✓ Urdnot Wrex

✓ Mordin Solus

✓ Thane Krios

✓ Captain Kirrahe

✓ Sha'ira

✓ Shiala

ME:A

✓ Vetra Nyx

✓ Liam Kosta

✓ Jaal Ama Darav

✓ Peebee

✓ Dr. Suvi Anwar

✓ Kallo Jath

✓ Dr. Lexi T'Perro

✓ Avitus Rix

✓ Nakmor Kesh

✓ Avela Kjar

✓ Zevin Raeka

✓ Vederia Damali

Who I Won't Write

X Ashley Willians

X Kaidan Alenko

X Miranda Lawson

X Jacob Taylor

X James Vega

X Steve Cortez

X Morinth

X Aria T'Loak

X Jeff "Joker" Moreau

X Dr. Chakwas

X Kelly Chambers

X Samantha Traynor

X Kai Leng

X Jack

X Samara

ME:A

X Cora Harper

X Nakmor Drack

X Reyes Vidal

X Keri T'Vessa

X Moshae Sjefa

[sopheronipepperoni]

Breathe

A/N: wasn’t really satisfied with the post-mission interaction between Sara and Liam after “Hunting the Archon,” esp. if he’s romanced and in your squad.  Also wanted to explore the Pathfinder dealing with insecurities the game only briefly touches on.  Hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Liam x Ryder.  Minor spoilers for “Hunting the Archon”.

How did it all go so…wrong?

Sure, finding the salarian ark had been a success.  Finding Pathfinder Raeka alive had been a bonus, all things considered.  And finding Meridian’s location would invariably help, even if right now she wasn’t exactly sure how…

So why did she feel so dreadful?  


Sara prided herself on usually being a logical thinker.  Sure, she could be impulsive in the heat of the moment, but she usually wasn’t one for self-pity.  After returning from the Archon’s flagship, she had tried to hold it together, feeling particularly unsteady, emotionally.  It had seemed like as soon as she had stripped her armor off and stowed her guns that the enormity of what had just happened —of what she had allowed to happen— sunk in.  

With a smile pasted on her face, she had made the usual rounds, desiring to project a sense of normalcy to the rest of the crew.  Kallo was ecstatic and relieved, understandably.  The rest of the crew had largely positive reactions to the latest mission, with the notable exception being Drack.  Sara could certainly understand the old krogan’s ire and pain at losing the scouts —especially with the recent discovery of krogan exaltation.  She knew that, had she been in his place, she’d feel the same, wanting to shut the offending party out with the patented Ryder Cold Shoulder.  

But it still hurt.  After everything on Elaaden…

She just hoped that time would heal her bond with the cantankerous krogan.

Her door swished open, and she jumped from the bed, jarred from her thoughts.  SAM hadn’t alerted her to anyone approaching, and her features failed to rally into her usual cheery expression as she registered Liam walking into her room.  

As usual, he had that goofy grin on his face; when he saw her drawn features, however, his breath rushed out in a sigh, nearly drowned out by the sound of the door closing.  He stopped in front of her, searching her face; Sara ducked her head before he could see the already-drying tear tracks lining her cheeks.  

A warm hand found her chin, and suddenly he was crouching in front of her, his warm eyes searching hers.  “I meant what I said, earlier.  About filing ‘emotional abuse’ with HR.”  His voice was pitched low, to soothe.  She wondered if he’d picked that trick up in HUS-T1, or if he had always been a natural comforter.

Even though she’d heard the line before, a sound somewhere between a choke, a sob, and a laugh escaped from her, and his thumb smoothed across her cheek.  “That’s a terrible joke.”

He shrugged, moving to sit next to her on the bed.  “Doesn’t seem so much like a joke, now.”  His hand brushed against hers, letting her set the boundaries.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

Something about the quiet gentleness in his voice undid her, and she scrubbed a hand against her eyes, her face screwing up again.  She felt more warm tears run down her cheeks, and she made a frustrated sound in her throat.  Her neck felt blotchy and hot.  

“Hey, hey —take it easy, Sara.”  His arm settled around her shoulders, a warm weight anchoring her to his side.  “Breathe.  There you go.”

A hiccough left her throat, and her face burned another shade darker, but after a few minutes she felt calmer.  She let out a quick, watery laugh that tapered off into a sigh.  “Sorry.  I’m a mess.”

His hand moved to rub circles across her back.  “Don’t apologize.  You went through some crazy stuff.  Hell, everything since waking up has been crazy.  You just died, and had to decide between two shit options.  Let it out, Sara.”

She exhaled, her breath sounding shaky.  Liam’s words brought up that uncomfortable reminder, and she sat there, counting her heartbeats, reveling in the feeling of being alive, even though everything felt within her felt so raw, so painful.  A few more tears leaked out, and she sniffed.  What would her father say, if he could see her right now?  SAM, blessedly, was silent.

“I don’t feel qualified for this.”  Liam was quiet next to her, so she continued.  “I’m the youngest on the crew, and I’m supposed to lead humanity to our new ‘home’.  People expect me to make these huge life-and-death decisions, and then walk away and move on to the next mission.  But I can’t do that.  I can’t do this.”  She shook her head.  “I can’t.”

“I hear that, Sara.  But I don’t agree with you.  Sure, you’re young.  But look at what we’ve been able to accomplish?  The angara, uniting the krogan, activating all of those Remnant vaults and terraforming our supposed ‘golden worlds’?  All happened because of you.”  His free hand wrapped around hers, and she leaned against him.  “Might be too recent of a reminder, but the Archon’s logs mentioned your unpredictability and passion.  You’re human, Sara.  It’s alright.”

“He said those things about all humans, not just me.”

“Doesn’t make it invalid, though.  You’re giving him hell, for sure.”  A pause.  “If you’re worried about Drack, I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sure.  But I do know that whenever you go on missions together, he comes back less grumpy than when you left.  And after all that business on Elaaden, you two are tight, for sure.  Trust it.  Losing the scouts is a blow for him, yeah, and you can honor his feelings.  But you also have a friendship that runs underneath things.”

She still felt fragile, her voice small.  “We’ll see.  I wouldn’t blame him, though.”  Her shoulders slumped a little more.  Part of her hated that she had chosen the salarians over Drack’s scouts.  She knew she’d always carry that with her.  How many choices had Dad made, and regretted?

She shook her head.  “Let’s talk about something else.  I need a distraction.”

“Sara-“

“Please, Liam.”  He sighed, capitulating, and she pressed closer to his side.  “How are you holding up?”  They hadn’t really had a private moment to talk about SAM…well, killing her.

A shaky laugh; he ran his hand ran through his hair.  “We’re doing this, yeah?  Okay.  Total honesty: I feel like shit.”  She couldn’t come up with a witty response.  “Did a number on me to see everything we did on that ship.  But watching SAM stop your heart took the cake.”   It was her turn to comfort him, running her thumb across the back of his hand.  “Cora kept talking, and it’s okay, she’s your friend, but I was silent, and I’m your—“

“I’m here, Liam.”  

“I know you are, I know.  I haven’t felt that angry in a long time.  Or that helpless.”  He raised his voice, directing it towards the other end of the room.  “Hey, SAM?  No more killing Sara and then resuscitating her, alright?”

“Your concern is noted, Mr. Kosta.  I will only stop Sara’s heart if there is no other alternate solution.“

“Not helping, SAM,” Sara cut in with a gentle rejoinder.  SAM fell silent, no doubt processing something from the exchange.  

“I did what needed to be done.”  Sara gave Liam’s hand a squeeze, and he squeezed her shoulder in return.  “I’m not keen on having a repeat performance, either.”

“Sounded like a Pathfinder just now, no doubt.  Just…try to take it a little easier from now on, yeah?  Take care of yourself, give yourself space to heal.  I’ll help, if you want.”  His voice sounded firmer by the time he finished.

Sara let out another sigh.  “Lexi emailed me about that exact thing.  Relaxing and taking care of myself.  She recommended journaling.  Taking out Kett is pretty relaxing, too, though.”

It startled a bark of a laugh from Liam.  “Pretty sure it’s the opposite, but alright.  Just take me along when you do; I could use some relief, too.”

“You got it.”  They fell quiet, the hum of the ship surrounding them.  Sara felt ensconced in a cathartic bubble, warm against Liam and all cried out. She’d probably have what Scott called “an emotional hangover" in the morning. “Liam?  Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.  Happy to help, Sara, with whatever you need.  I mean it.”

“I know it.”  

She felt Liam smile against her hair as he placed a kiss on the crown of her head.“No need to get cheeky.”

Sure she did, to help herself feel normal.  But she let her eyes drift shut as she leaned against Liam’s shoulder, content for the moment to let herself be and feel and heal.  It wouldn’t come over night, but lasting strength rarely did.  

It would be a miracle if destroying the Archon didn’t destroy her first.

[fanfoolishness]

Asystole (Vetra x Ryder)

Spoilers for Mass Effect: Andromeda up unto the Archon’s ship.  5,200 words.  Angst, fluff, romance - the holy trifecta.  Zelda Ryder has a difficult time coping after a harrowing experience.  Vetra Nyx is there to lend a shoulder.  Or an ear.  Or whatever.

Zelda Ryder leaned back against her seat in the shuttle, closing her eyes, the breath burning in her chest.  Dammit, she was tired.  Unconsciously she rubbed at her chestpiece with a trembling hand, trying to massage away the burn.  

She’d died.  Again.  

Two Pathfinders had met their death on that ship.  How come she was the one walking away?

Liam made a joke, something with a thin veneer of normalcy that rang in her ears.  She could tell he felt lost underneath the glibness; so did she.  Jaal’s cool huff of acknowledgement weighed the joke down, killing it quickly.  

She didn’t blame him.  She didn’t feel much like laughing either.

***

Lexi’s face was a study.  If Ryder hadn’t been so tired she almost might have found it funny.  

“SAM killed you,” she spat, her normally composed features a mess of horror and dismay.  Her hands were cool against Ryder’s cheeks, as she checked the whites of her eyes, the lymph nodes along her jawline.  Her omnitool flashed, recording her findings.

Ryder had thought about being a doctor, once; it had been that or xenoarchaeology, and she’d taken the initial courses for both.  She’d been in her first year of medical school when she heard the Alliance was establishing archeology units, and she’d never looked back.  But every once in a while things would trickle in, bits of memory that reminded her of the fresh-faced biology nerd she’d been at nineteen.  Lymph nodes.  She remembered humans had tons of the things.

Lexi’s stern look of disapproval snapped her out of her wandering thoughts.  She felt oddly defensive.  “He brought me back,” Ryder pointed out   “And he asked first.”

“Pathfinder Ryder is correct,” SAM concurred, using their public channel.  “It was the only way to disable the Archon’s biological shackles.  We both agreed.”

“That is entirely too much power to hand over to an AI,” said Lexi, eyes narrowed.  Ryder had never seen her so angry, her mouth a thin tight line.  “And look at the state of you!”

“I’m fine,” said Ryder, even though she felt she’d been hit with a krogan war hammer.  She tried to muster up a winning smile.  It came out something like a grimace.

“You’re experiencing profound adrenal fatigue,” said Lexi.  “It’s a miracle your cardiac rhythms reestablished as well as they did.  Even with SAM’s adjustments of your system -- which admittedly have left you in a far better state than anyone who has experienced a natural heart attack -- you’re still quite fragile right now.  You were utterly without oxygen for more than sixty seconds, and it’s showing.  I want you to rest up strictly for the next three days, and we can reassess then.  We can discuss SAM then, too.”  

She sat down next to Ryder, and put a hand on her shoulder.  The worried wrinkles in her forehead shifted subtly into sadness.  “You scared me, Ryder.”

“Yeah,” said Ryder after a moment.  “Scared me too.”

***

Ryder stared at her bed.  It looked stark, somehow.  Usually she charged into her room and flopped down, grateful to have somewhere soft to sleep that wasn’t a cryo pod.  Tonight the bed seemed somehow ominous.

I could go to sleep, and not wake up.

The realization made her heart stutter, and she hissed out a breath, willing herself to settle down.  She’d tried to take Lexi’s advice to take it easy.  There was so much more she wanted, needed to do, but she’d restrained herself to a few conversations.  She’d done the minimum in communicating with Drack and the Nexus about his scouts.  She’d taken Kallo aside and told him, hollow-voiced, that she was sorry about Raeka.  She’d eaten a dinner of protein pastes mechanically, sticking to something easy to digest.

But her heart still felt like a stranger in her own body, and she sat down on the edge of the bed, staring balefully at the pillows.

“SAM,” Ryder said, subvocalizing; SAM could pick up the half-words she could form under her breath.  It felt strange to talk to him more loudly when it was only the two of them.  “Is there anything… am I okay?”

Zelda, I understand you must be concerned, said SAM, as soothingly as he could.  I remember how I became disoriented when I encountered that virus in SAM node.  I felt as if I could not trust my own code.  It took some time to reassure myself that I was, in fact, myself.  Is that an adequate analogy?

“It’s something like that,” said Ryder.  “My heart… you’re sure it’s all right?”  She bit her lip.  “Argh, I feel stupid even asking.  Even worrying about it.”

Between my own readings, and Dr. T’Perro’s, I judge you have suffered no permanent injury.  However, I agree with her assessment that rest would be ideal.

“I’ll try, SAM.”  She tried to believe his assessment, telling herself it would make her feel better.

But it wasn’t easy to believe when she remembered that pressure, crushing, all-consuming, all-encompassing, bearing on her chest; nor the way black particles danced in at the edges of her vision; nor the sudden air hunger  that had roared, if only for a few seconds, in every cell of her body.

She thought of being a little kid, up on the top bunk back when she and Scotty had still shared a room.  They’d been tiny then, five or six, and usually she’d tried to lord it over him as the oldest, pretending nothing ever scared her.  But when it had, there was nothing better than crawling down into the lower bunk and hiding under the covers with him.  He’d try to make fun of her about it sometimes, but sometimes he crawled up to the top bunk with her, too; fair was only fair.

Tears pricked her eyes.  Scotty was still in the cryo-bay, no more responsive than the bed he lay on.  She hadn’t even had the courage to tell him about Dad yet, even though he couldn’t hear her.  She didn’t know which of them could use the biggest hug.

Great.  Now she was thinking about Dad again, too.  She pressed the heels of her hands against her closed eyes, and hoped that she could rest.

***

She gave sleep a chance, she really did.

She tried a number of positions.  On her side, the classic fetal position.  Normally a beloved go-to.  Failed after thirty minutes of wondering if she might choke on her own saliva laying like that.

Lying on her back wasn’t any better.  She remembered that old movie, one her mom had liked.  The Elephant Man.  The man had choked to death because of his profound deformities and suffocated in his sleep.  It was enough to make her roll over to her stomach, but then she wondered if she would have trouble expanding her lungs while laying on her chest, and she was back at square one.

She wondered about asking Lexi for something to help her sleep.  Yet what if a sedative suppressed her respiratory reflex to a point it was dangerous -- no, she figured, she’d better not.

Someone telling her she was fine sounded nice in theory, but was not working in practice.  SAM had tried, but SAM had also made her not-fine, and while she trusted him, cared for him, it was still more complicated than she liked.  Lexi had tried too, but Lexi was probably sleeping comfortably by now, and Ryder didn’t want to wake her when part of her knew she was simply being anxious.

What she wanted was for someone to stay with her and really make sure she would be fine.

She sat up in bed, resting her arms on her knees and her chin on her forearms.  After a few minutes she rolled out from the covers and pulled on her pants and sweatshirt, working her toes into the comfy shoes she wore around the ship.  Maybe a walk would help.

She thought vaguely of the bio lab.  Plants, Andromedan, Terran, heck, there was even a spindly little metallic succulent from Palaven.  The air did feel fresher there, despite the fact it was recycled throughout the ship, and maybe the greenery would help anchor her in a way the stars did not tonight.

Deep in thought she scarcely noticed Vetra coming around the bend, and ran straight into her, bouncing off the light armor Vetra wore on the ship.  “Shit!” Ryder spat, rubbing her aching nose.  She didn’t usually mind having a larger than average nose, but hitting it on a turian breastplate was simply embarrassing.  Especially this turian’s.  Her cheeks felt hot.

“Uh, hey, Ryder,” said Vetra, clearly trying not to laugh.  Ryder supposed she ought to be grateful for that, at least.

“What are you still doing up?” she asked, letting her hand drop back to her side.  Her nose didn’t seem to be broken, at least.

“Winding down for the night,” said Vetra.  “Had a few calls to take.  Trying to get things sorted for Drack’s scouts; I told him I’d pull some favors.  Some of them are going back to the Nexus, but a few want to get to Kadara, or Elaaden.”  She tilted her head to one side, studying Ryder’s face.  “Look.  About what happened back there… you made a hard choice.”

Ryder swallowed past the lump in her throat.  “I couldn’t…”  She tried to sort out the words in her head, figure out how to say it.  “-- the idea of exaltation -- I didn’t want them to go through that.”  She twisted her hands together.  “I knew I was going to lose Raeka, too.  There wasn’t enough time.”

“Hey,” said Vetra.  She reached out, touching Ryder’s shoulder for a moment.  Her hand was solid there, even though the shape was different, new.  Ryder wished she could lean into it, could take that hand in her own, but she tried to shake the feeling away.  

“You did the best you could,” said Vetra.  “I know you’re gonna blame yourself.  I would too.  But that doesn’t change that you had a hard choice, and you did what you could with it.”  She folded her arms against her chest.  “Is that why you’re still up?”

“Partly,” admitted Ryder.  Vetra’s words settled on her, a bit of balm against her anxious, jittering mind.  She tried to fix them in memory.  She suspected she might need to hear them again in the coming days.

“You look worried,” said Vetra.  “I can tell.”  A faint smile stole over her face, but it was kind.  That was one thing Ryder liked so much about her.  She talked straight, and she didn’t pull punches.  A human might have been tempted not to say anything at all.  Vetra said it plainly, and she meant it, every time.

“So,” she said.  “You’re an expert on humans now?”  She’d been… noticing Vetra for some time now.  She’d made some comments, here and there, and Vetra hadn’t refuted them.  But she was still unsure of where she stood.

“Didn’t say I was,” said Vetra smoothly.  “But I like to think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well.”

If Ryder hadn’t been blushing earlier from the nose debacle, she was now.  “Yeah, I guess you have.”  She rubbed at the back of her neck, suddenly self-conscious.  “You promise you won’t  think I’m overreacting?”

“I don’t know.  Depends on what you tell me,” Vetra answered, leaning against the wall as if settling in.

Ryder hesitated.  It was going to sound so damn childish out loud.  But it was the middle of the night, and nobody else was around, and she trusted Vetra.  

“I’m scared,” she said simply.  Her hand clutched at the front of her shirt, over her chest.  “There’s a part of me that worries if I go to sleep tonight, I won’t wake up.”

Vetra was quiet for a moment.  “Shit, Ryder.”  

“I know.  It’s stupid --”

“No, it isn’t.”  She stepped forward, the distance between them narrowing.  This close Ryder could see the fine texture of her skin on her throat, like supple leather; she wondered what it would feel like beneath her fingertips.  Her eyes behind her ever-present visor were keen, and Ryder gazed into them, unable to look away.

“You died?  That’s what it sounded like over the comms,” said Vetra quietly.  “And Jaal and Liam said that’s what happened.  But I didn’t want to believe it.”

Ryder nodded.  “SAM stopped my heart.  It was the only way.  I’m not upset with him.  SAM did what he had to, and it worked, but I’m scared it could happen on its own.  I’ve already died twice now in Andromeda.  I’m scared the third time will be the charm.”  She shivered.  “I know I”m worrying over nothing --”

“You aren’t.”  Her voice was rich, subharmonics thrumming beneath her words.  “I won’t tell you not to worry.  That never worked for me.  I still worry way too damn much no matter how much I tell myself it doesn’t help.  But I didn’t have any other plans tonight besides sleeping, so if talking might help… well… I’m here.”  Vetra spread her hands in front of her, the three fingers on each long palm splayed wide.  “If you need a shoulder.  Or an ear.  Or whatever.”

“I’d like that.”  She grinned suddenly.  Flirting… now, there was a distraction she could work with.  “If I could even reach your shoulder, that is.”

Vetra let out a sharp peal of laughter.  “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re so short.  It’s kind of cute, though.”

Ryder’s smile hitched to one side, and she swallowed.  Oh, what the hell.  “So you think I’m cute?”

Vetra’s mandibles flared outward, as if she was lost for words.  Her eyes widened slightly.  “I -- uh -- sure.”

“That’s it?  Sure?”  She hoped desperately that SAM was sitting back, twiddling his virtual thumbs and whistling to himself instead of hearing her strike out so miserably.

Vetra, normally so unflappable, so calm, so her-shit-together, shifted uneasily from side to side, averting her gaze.  “What do you want me to say?”

You’ve already died today, you aren’t allowed to die of embarrassment now.  “I was hoping that you might be interested,” said Ryder, steeling herself.  “Because I sure as hell am.”  She shrugged helplessly, fully aware that her cheeks blazed a radioactive red.  “I like you, Vetra, and I care about you, more than a friend or a crewmate.  If you still want to lend me a spiky shoulder to lean on, I’d really like that.”  She faltered.  “But if you aren’t interested in that --”

“No -- I mean, yes.  I am.”  Were Vetra’s cheeks darker than before?  They held a pretty bluish hue that Ryder couldn’t remember seeing on her in the past.  “I have been for… a while.  I just didn’t want to be wrong.”

Ryder closed the distance between them.  She could feel the heat of the other woman against her bare arms.  She tilted her head back.  “Um.  Could you bend down a little?”

Vetra laughed.  “For you, yes.”  Her breath was soft on Ryder’s cheeks, and before Ryder could worry about how exactly one was supposed to kiss a turian, Vetra’s mouth was on hers, firm smooth edges surprisingly muscular and dynamic against Ryder’s lips.  Ah.  This was different: Vetra’s tongue rougher and shorter than she’d expected, the way the flexible plates of her cheeks and nose and forehead pressed against Ryder’s face.  

Vetra pulled back, nearly as violet as the tattoos on her cheeks.  “Was that okay?  I’ve never tried kissing a human before.”  She looked sheepish, somehow, but pleased.  “I liked it.”

Ryder ran a trembling hand through her hair.  “That was awesome.”  She sank against Vetra, giggling madly.  “Vetra, this has been one hell of a day.”

Vetra squeezed her shoulder.  “My original offer still stands, you know.  This wasn’t a ploy to seduce you.”  

“Not even a little?”

“That would be wrong,” said Vetra, quite nobly.

Ryder sighed, slipping her arms around the turian’s narrow waist.  “All right.  If it still stands, I would owe you one heck of a favor if you kept me company for a little bit.  At least until my head’s back on straight again.  We could chat in my quarters?”

“Of course.  And it’d probably be best to keep it to chatting instead of… other activities.  I think I overheard Lexi telling you you needed to take it easy the next few days.”

“As intriguing as other activities sound, I think I’d pass out in the middle from sheer exhaustion,” said Ryder, letting her arms fall from Vetra’s waist as they walked towards her quarters.  “But let’s keep that in mind for another day, yeah?”

“We’ll see how it goes, then,” said Vetra.  Ryder had never realized before a turian could look so sly.

Vetra whistled when Ryder opened the door into her quarters.  She’d not had occasion to invite anyone in before, usually preferring to find her crewmates in the common areas to talk.  “I saw these quarters back when the Tempest was drydocked, but it looks a hell of a lot better with the view.”

“Well… you want to come check it out sometimes, all you have to do is ask.”  The doors slid closed behind them and Ryder kicked her boots off.  “Do you want to make yourself, er, comfortable?  Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you in civilian clothes, just your armor.”  She clapped a hand over her mouth.  “Wait, are you wearing anything under there?”

Vetra laughed.  “Are you crazy?  Turians aren’t nearly as squishy as you humans, but we still wear underclothes under our armor.  We aren’t barbarians, Ryder.”

“It was an honest question,” she protested.  

Vetra grinned.  “Don’t worry, I know.”  She stretched, raising her arms above her, extending her already considerable height until her knuckles brushed the ceiling.  “Actually, it’s been a long day.  Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer.  I am decent under here.”  She reached up and dismantled part of her armor around her neck, unclicking it.  A few more quick, efficient movements and she was pulling off her arm pieces, laying them in a neat stack by the door.  Her chestplate and boots followed.  Underneath the armor she indeed wore a thin cloth garment with long sleeves, similar to what Sid always wore but plainer.  The skin of her cowl peeked out around the edge of her overshirt, with a faint silvery sheen beneath the overhead lights.  

She padded over to the couch on long, slightly curved toes and narrow feet, then plopped down as if she was perfectly comfortable.  “That does feel better.”

Ryder pulled off her sweatshirt, exposing the thin camisole she wore underneath.  She took the other end of the couch, sitting curled up with her feet on the cushions.  “It’s like a slumber party.”  

“Is that what I think it is?” Vetra asked with a tilted head and a grin.

Ryder chuckled.  “Well, it can be.  But it’s also something we used to do as kids.  Scotty and I didn’t have a lot of friends on the Citadel, since we traveled a lot, but we still sometimes had friends spend the night.  I always hated it when it was his turn to have friends over.  The boys would always try to play tricks on me… at least until I punched one of them in the nose.  After that they thought I could do no wrong.”

Vetra looked skeptical.  “That’s a thing?  Kids staying at each other’s houses?  Did they have parents?”

“Of course.  Usually the parents would be glad to get the kids out of their hair.  Figuratively speaking, I guess.  I had a few asari friends.  Scott was friends with a salarian boy for a while.  Not a lot of hair going on there.”

“It is strange how you humans have so much of it.  And all of you do something different with it,” said Vetra.  “Always thought that was kind of weird.”  She gave Ryder a long, appraising look.  “I like yours.  It’s shiny, and it always looks soft, even when you’ve stuffed it into a helmet.  It’s kind of impressive.”

“Helmet hair is no laughing matter,” said Ryder, pleased at the compliment.  “But I do miss having slumber parties sometimes; they really were fun.  The conversations were the best.”

“In my experience, kids aren’t the best conversationalists.  With Sid it was a lot of asking for food, throwing tantrums, making butt jokes...”

“Good to know those are universal,” Ryder giggled.  “Well, I was a kid too at the time.”  She ruffled her hair with one hand.  She supposed it was soft.  “But you’ve had that feeling before, right?  Night does funny things to most people.  You get sillier.  You talk about scarier stuff.  You share things.”  Ryder leaned back, tilting her head back so she could see the stars swirling past the window.  “I always loved that.”

Vetra stretched out her long legs, curling and uncurling her toes in the thin rug under the couch.  “There’s a little truth in that, I think.”  She reached out, taking Ryder’s hand, and sighed.  It took them a second to figure out the best configuration of three and five.  “Feels good.  I’ve wondered what that would feel like for a while now.”

“Likewise,” Ryder said, squeezing her hand.  She edged closer to Vetra on the couch until her toes nudged Vetra’s thigh.  “Something about you being impossibly tall and willowy and asskicking appealed to me right from the start.”

“Willowy?” Vetra snorted.  “Isn’t that a tree?”

“Well, yes.  It’s a compliment.  And you are super tall, if you haven’t noticed.  Which I like.”

“I’m not tall,” said Vetra dismissively.  “Everyone else is ridiculously short.  Anyway, I think the first time you flirted with me I thought you were joking.  And the second.  And the third.”

“Oh god.”  Ryder hung her head.  “That is embarrassing.  For both of us.”  They laughed, and for a moment, she let herself luxuriate in butterflies and silliness, in that heady feeling of electricity in their grip.  Maybe there was a lot of scary shit out there, but here, with Vetra, she felt a little safer.

She squeezed Vetra’s hand.  “Glad you’re here, Vetra.  Heleus is a crazy place, but you help me make sense out of it.”

“I just show up and shoot things,” said Vetra mildly.  But she squeezed back, and impulsively leaned forward, brushing a kiss against Ryder’s cheek.  “Glad you’re here, too.”  She settled herself back against the couch.  “Especially on days like today.  When the weight of everything that’s out there makes itself known again.”

“I keep wondering,” Ryder said slowly.

“Keep wondering what?”

“Why the kett want what they want.  Why they’re so convinced of their superiority.  Trying to exalt krogan… I thought learning about the angara was bad.  But the krogan… the salarians… those were our people they were experimenting on.”  Ryder felt ill, remembering the bodies, the tanks.

“It’s bullshit.  I can’t imagine what they’d do with a turian.  If a kett ever even so much as looked at Sid….”  Her grip on Ryder’s hand tightened.

“I’m not gonna let that happen.  I’m not.”  She leaned her head back against the couch, closing her eyes.  “But I don’t know everything, either.  Maybe there was another way I could’ve helped Raeka.  And the Archon had us, Vetra.  Until SAM --”  Her other hand scrabbled, reflexively, against the front of her shirt.  

“Hey, hey.”  Vetra’s voice was a soft, layered murmur.  “Lexi said you were okay.”

Zelda, said SAM into her private channel.  Your heartbeat is still regular.  I detect no arrhythmias or lasting damage from my actions.  I apologize for the distress you now feel.

“SAM says I’m okay, too,” Ryder said, her eyes still closed.  She slowly lowered her hand from her chest.  “But it’s disquieting.  To remember, again, that I could be only a minute away from death.”

“I only heard rumors about before,” said Vetra, looking concerned.  “Habitat seven.  That was where they lost the human Pa-- your dad, right?”

“It was him or me,” she said simply.  “I’d damaged my helmet too badly in a fall.  Atmo was toxic.  Dad gave me his helmet instead, and told SAM to start the upload.  He picked me.”  Her mouth twisted.

“You never talk about him.”

“He was a hard man to get along with,” said Ryder.  “A hard man in general.  He didn’t really have a grip on the whole emotions thing.  He didn’t understand why I’d get so upset about things.  Being a teenager with him around was fun.”  She laughed, but it wasn’t really funny.

“Why did you come to Andromeda?  You ask everyone else, but you keep your own reasons close to the chest.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“You notice a lot of things, Vetra.”  

“I’m sneaky like that.”

“He wanted to explore, I knew that much.  And there was a lot that went wrong in the Milky Way.  His work on SAM got him blacklisted from everything humanity was doing in Citadel space, and some of that backlash hit Scotty and me, too.”  The way her fieldwork dried up; the transfers; the steady, persistent, faceless pressure brought on her to move on.  Scotty had dealt with the same.  “And after Mom died, there was something powerful about looking forward to getting away, as far as we possibly could.  It didn’t feel like we could move forward back home,” she said, faltering.

“I didn’t know about your mom,” said Vetra.  “You look sad, talking about her.  You were close, weren’t you?”

“Much more than with Dad.  But she got sick a few years ago.”  Ryder let out a long breath.  “She would have liked a lot of this place.  She would have loved meeting the angara.  She was passionate, like Jaal.”

“I’m always impressed by people who were close with their mothers,” said Vetra quietly  “I know ours didn’t want us.  She put up with us for a while, but even so, I barely remember her.”

“You want to know something funny?”

“Shoot.”

“Every now and then, I catch myself thinking, Dad would love this,” said Ryder.  Her face scrunched, nose wrinkling.  “And then it catches up to me.  I realize, I don’t really know what he would have liked.  You know?”  She shrugged, inching closer to Vetra.  “I can guess.  Part of me can extrapolate the things he would probably like from the things I know he cared about.  Exploration.  SAM.  Family.  In that order.”  She sighed.  “But when I think of what he would like, I realize I’m thinking of my projection of him; the man I used to wish he would be, the man nostalgia makes him out to be.  It’s like that with everyone we’ve lost, isn’t it?  The best parts of them -- or the worst -- they’re all our biology lets us remember eventually, and we build up these visions of them as a way to comfort ourselves.  It’s like we still have a relationship with them, just a little, if we can imagine who they’d be now and what they’d do.  Love, but at a remove.”

“I think I know what you mean,” said Vetra after a moment.  “I never wasted time worrying about my mother, after she left.  But I like to tell myself my dad died a hero, a good man, back in the Milky Way.  That he would have come back for Sid and me if he could have.”  Her mandibles flared open in a long, trembling pause before folding against her cheeks again.

“Do you think that really happened?” Ryder asked quietly.  “A hero’s death?”

“No,” Vetra said flatly.  “I think --”  She bowed her head.  “I think he was good enough that he might have wanted to come back to us.  But I don’t think he was good enough to do it, in the end.”  

“I think Dad would have wanted to love Andromeda,” said Ryder.  “And yet, each new outpost, each new secret… it’d never be enough.  He could never be happy with what he had.  He was only ever happy in the striving for it, I think.”

A wise, if painful, observation, said SAM into her private channel.  His voice was especially reserved.  I miss your father.  My experience of him was different than your own, but you did understand him, Zelda.

“Thank you, SAM,” she subvocalized.  She leaned back against the pillows, digging her shoulders into them, her heart steady in her chest.  Not dead yet.  Not again.

“Do we ever leave the old shit behind?” mused Vetra.  She gazed up at the stars drifting on the other side of the window, gold and silver pinpricks against the black.  “Or does it always come back like this to punch you in the gut?”

“Sometimes it hits hard, like it all happened yesterday.  Sometimes I almost forget for a day or two that Dad died.  I can never tell which it’s going to be until it comes.  That’s life all over, isn’t it?  You can guess and worry and wonder all you want about it, but it still does what it’s going to do, and you can’t always change that.”  The stars blurred.

“We can change some things,” said Vetra.  She reached out, pulling Ryder against her, draping an arm around her shoulders.  “The two of us against the world?  I don’t know.  I kinda like those odds, personally.”

Ryder curled up beside her, laying her head against Vetra’s chest.  She could hear a steady beat, a slightly different rhythm than she was used to, but familiar all the same.  She listened to the sound, closing her eyes.  Funny, but it made her think of a safe port in the storm.  An anchor.

“You do know how to play the odds,” she laughed.  She could feel Vetra’s chuckle through her chest, and that was an anchor too.

***

“Morning, you,” said Vetra, and Ryder yawned.

The first thing she noticed was how stiff she was.  The second thing she noticed was that she was sprawled on the couch, her head and shoulders in Vetra’s lap.

“Morning,” she said, acutely aware that Vetra’s lap was surprisingly comfortable.  “How long was I asleep?”

“Long enough,” said Vetra, leaning down to meet her in a kiss.  It was an extraordinarily better way to wake up than the alarm tone SAM usually played.  “You made it through the night, you know.”

Ryder sat up, stretching, and let out a shaky laugh.  “You’re right.”  She nudged Vetra hard in the shoulder.  “Thanks to you.”

“Nah,” said Vetra.  “You had it under control.”  But something in her face softened.  “Glad you’re feeling better.”

Ryder pulled her into a clumsy hug, showering her in a flurry of kisses.  When she pulled back Vetra looked flabbergasted.  She also looked intensely pleased.

“So it wasn’t bad for our first slumber party?” Ryder asked.

“Well,” Vetra said, regaining her ability to speak, “I can’t really compare it to any others.  So we’ll obviously have to do this again.”

Ryder laughed.  It might have been a hell of a day yesterday.  But there was another one today, and hopefully another tomorrow, and one after that.  Moving forward was all any of them could do.  Moving forward with Vetra was even better.

Good morning, Zelda.  Your heart rate and rhythm remain normal.  

“Thanks, SAM.”  A deep breath.  “I know.”

[cousinslavellan-archive]

A. Ryder Log #10

They find the Archon, the Map to Meridian... and Aria dies for the second time. This time is different, though, and she locks herself away, hiding from her crew.

Jaal draws her out, and has a request - meet his family - and Aria’s happy to focus on something good.

Also on AO3 under The Misadventures of Aria Ryder

Jaal x Ryder, Early Relationship, Spoilers for Jaal’s romance. We’re getting into the actual romance now, guys!

Every time Aria closes her eyes, attempts to sleep, she sees the Archon and jolts awake, chest heaving desperately for breath as the memories fade.

So many things have happened - so many accomplishments, victories, - and yet all she see's is the Archon staring her down, deeming her unworthy, and then-

Death.

A sudden blackout, a gap in her memories, and then her chest burning as she gasped for breath, coming back to life.

SAM had brought her back, but then SAM had also killed her.

Aria had never truly hated anyone, before their 600 year trip through dark space. Now she can firmly say she hates the Kett, especially the Archon, and she'd have put a bullet straight through his head if she'd had the chance.

But you didn't.

They'd been strung up, rendered helpless, unable to do anything but try to stay calm as the Archon stole something from her, leaving them to deal with the Salarian Pathfinder.

There had been no other way, SAM had said - so long as it detected life, the barrier would not release them.

And so, for a second time, she'd died - a much quicker fall then the first time, a quick snip of her lifeline and sudden blackness, barely hearing her companions curses before she was gone.

Once SAM had brought her back, there'd been no time to dwell on it; they had a mission to finish, and a map to find.

Despite everything, they'd managed; found and taken a copy of the map to Meridian, rescued Dracks scouts, and freed the Salarian Ark.

It wasn't enough.

We lost Raeka, all those Salarians and humans and... damned Kett, they'll pay for every life they've sacrificed.

Right now, Aria isn't up to facing her own crew, never mind the Kett.

They need to go to the Nexus to debrief the council and she knows it, but can't find the will to give the order.

She doesn't want to talk to anyone, or pretend to be okay, or act like she knows what she's doing.

She just wants to hide.

"You are having a breakdown." SAM comments quietly, the module on her desk glowing faint blue, "It is to be expected after your recent trials. I am partially to blame, and I apologize."

Aria says nothing, only wrapping her arms around her knees and sucking in a shaky breath as the tears begin to fall.

It's been just over 24 hours since the ordeal with the Archon, and she's been locked in her quarters ever since seeing Hayjer off to the Nexus.

She's not hungry, can't sleep, and doesn't want her crew seeing her like this; a miserable wreck, weary and exhausted and so very, very overwhelmed.

"I miss Dad." Aria whispers miserably, eyes shut tight, "And Mom, and Scott... I can't..."

"You can." SAM argues gently, "You have your crew, and they believe in your abilities. In fact they have all sent you several emails, which may make you feel better."

He pauses, then "Especially the one from Jaal."

That makes her lift her head, eyes going to her computer in the corner, "O-oh?"

"You will see."

Aria's still sniffling slightly as she forces herself from the bed and over to the desk, slumping into the chair and opening her email.

She goes through the messages from everyone else first, managing a tiny smile at the words from her crew.

Then she opens the one from Jaal and her breath catches a little, reading it over twice to make sure she's caught the entirety of it.

Dearest Aria,

Know that if I could take your sorrow from you I would, and I will endeavor to keep you from it from now on. I am here, should you desire company, a mere call away.

I would also ask a favor. My true mother, Sahuna, would like to meet you, and I would like to show you where I grew up. There is of course no rush, please take your time to rest, and let me know when - and if - you are amenable to such an outing.

Jaal.

 Warmth blooms in her chest, chasing away the aching sorrow, and Aria's smiling slightly as she types out a response.

"I need a shower," she mumbles, hitting send and then standing, stretching her arms out, "SAM, is anyone...?"

"I do not detect anyone in the bathroom at this time," SAM answers immediately, "And do recall, Pathfinder, that no one can override a lock you have set."

"Thank you, SAM." Aria grabs her bathrobe from her closet and heads immediately for the bathroom, steps a little lighter than before.

Hopefully, Jaal will note the sincerity in her email.

Jaal nearly topples from his seat when the bing of an email goes off, ignoring Liam's knowing look as he hurries to open it up.

He'd felt useless, trapped in the Archon's web, watching helplessly as Aria fell to the ground before them, eerily still, before jolting up as her heart restarted.

She had died, and he'd been unable to stop it - so, then, what good was he, if he could not protect his beloved Pathfinder? If, even in the hours after their victory, he could not comfort her or shoulder any of her burden?

Aria had requested space - from everyone - and locked herself in her quarters, and so Jaal had been left, sending the email and awaiting a response, understanding her need for solitude but also feeling as though he had failed her, somehow, if she did not want to lay her worries on him.

So, then, this simple email - barely a paragraph, simple and straightforward - banished those worries, and had him striding swiftly towards the Bridge.

Jaal,

You do more then you know. I'd love to meet your mother; tell Kallo to set course for Havarl. I'll be ready when we get there.

Aria.

 Aria had dressed quickly once she was done her shower, the beautiful view from her room telling her Jaal had gotten her email; Havarl spread out before her windows, purple and glowing and so, so beautiful.

She suits up before leaving her room, feeling more comfortable in armor, then heads down to the loading bay, the wafting smell of alien flora telling her the landing pad is open.

Lexi's voice echoes briefly overhead, requesting she come speak to me once you're back, before Aria steps out into the space and spots Jaal.

He'd been fiddling with his Omni-tool just ahead, expression shifting to one of affectionate concern once she comes into view.

"Aria." Jaal greets, and his tone asks the question he seems hesitant to ask.

So Aria smiles, hoping her shower has helped the dark circles she'd been sporting earlier, stepping up beside him, "Hey, Jaal. I'm okay. Shall we go?"

He smiles back, "Of course. Follow me."

Jaal leads her down over the newly rebuilt ramp and up to the research station, Aria taking the chance to really look at the planet as they walk, for once able to appreciate the beauty.

They're silent, but it's a comfortable, familiar silence, and Aria accepts Jaal's hand up into the shuttle that's taking them onwards, settling easily on the bench beside him.

His family home is somewhat hidden, he explains quietly, away from the main outposts, and it makes sense; if he's never known a world without Kett, then keeping their homes hidden has likely been the safest strategy.

They arrive shortly, and Jaal leads her inside what looks like a compound, making Aria wonder just how many siblings and cousins live within.

That thought is brushed aside when an unfamiliar Angara comes jogging towards them, her bright smile and the way Jaal moves to meet her telling Aria this is someone close to him.

"Jaal! Jaal!" the woman is laughing, sighing happily as she hugs Jaal, pulling back after a moment with a worried look, "Wait, is there bad news?"

"No," Jaal is quick to reassure her, stepping back to give Aria a clear view, "The Pathfinder is interested in where I grew up."

"Ryder, this is my true mother, Sahuna Ama Darav."

I can see the resemblance, she thinks, briefly, before stepping forwards at nearly the same time as Sahuna, hugging the Angaran woman much more easily then she might have not so long ago.

"Nice to meet you." Aria pulls away after a moment, noting how pleased Sahuna looks, "I, ah, know Angara like the hugging..."

Sahuna's pleased expression almost seems to change to a mischievous one, "Jaal's told me how much he admires you."

Aria's brows lift, gaze darting to Jaal - who grins shyly and looks away - before returning to Sahuna when she continues, undeterred.

"He's my favorite. Smart, loyal, kind. A great shot! Writes poetry, sews..."

Aria's doing her best not to start laughing when Jaal coughs and interrupts her with a simple Mother, that warmth building in her chest again.

Mother's are the same no matter which Galaxy, it seems...

Sahuna does chuckle, clearly enjoying her sons reaction.

"I'm late for a Resistance meeting," she steps forwards, placing a hand on both she and Jaal's shoulders, giving them each a fond look, "Stay Clear."

Aria waits until Sahuna has slipped out through the doors to turn back to Jaal, grinning, "Your mother's in the Resistance?"

Jaal chuckles, grin a little cheeky, "Yes. And, every child, is her favorite."

That just makes her laugh more, feeling ever lighter as she follows him further in, the sorrow of the past days drifting away.

Jaal leads her through another door and Aria has no time to prepare herself before he's calling out "Everyone! This is Ryder!"

"Hi?" she manages to squeak, a little startled by just how many people are beyond the door.

I knew they had big families, but-!

"Look who the Kaerkyn dragged in!"

"Welcome back!"

There's at least twelve Angara milling about the main space, voices calling from all over, and Aria's sure she's missing a few in her headcount even as she does her best to pay attention to Jaal.

"This is where I spent most of my days growing up," he's explaining, leading her slowly through the room, "Me, my sister, Koana, our cousin, Etta, and brother, Finn. Then, Bavsil, Rollu-"

"So wonderful to have you back!"

"Hey Jaal! Hey Human!"

"Jaal!" one particularly loud female voice calls as they move further in, "You bringing someone special to meet us?"

Jaal pauses for a moment, looking surprised, but Aria chooses not to comment on it, instead murmuring "Wow, cozy."

"We like to live like this," Jaal says, continuing his stride forwards, looking rather smug all of a sudden as they pass a trio of faces Aria does recognize.

"Gonna give your friend some real food?" Teviint comments as they pass, giving the barest of grins.

Lathoul waves from beside her, "Good to see you!"

Aria smiles and waves back before following Jaal through another door, stepping inside and pausing to look around.

"And here's my room. My... tiny sanctuary."

The quiet of the room settles Aria some, the door blocking out the noise of the main area, but even though it had been a bit overwhelming... she's enjoying herself. Her own family has always been small - is now just herself and Scott - and she likes that Jaal is so close to his, so comfortable with them.

I like it here.

"We have a saying that I like," she says, still looking around as Jaal crosses the room, "'Home is where the heart is'."

Jaal chuckles, lifting something from the ground to set it on a dresser, "I like that." He turns towards the bed and stops, frowning, "Oh, no, who put this here?"

Aria's instantly curious, crossing over to sit beside him as he settles the package in his lap, leaning closer to get a good look, "Schematics? Of..."

"When I was seven, my Aunt stole a Kett weapon for me. So I took it apart. To learn."

She leans closer, squinting, "And that is - was - a kaerkyn."

"Pet kaerkyn," Jaal corrects, seeming almost embarrassed, "Alfit. He died. So I... also, took him apart."

"To... learn?"

"Why not?"

Aria scrunches her nose on reflex, though she's not really bothered; tinkering, learning about things by taking them apart... it was part of Jaal's nature, and she would never change him.

"I don't show people these things." he mumbles, quickly setting the box aside while Aria grins and scoots further back on the bed, bracing herself on her arms.

Then his focus is on her again, and her breath catches at the determined, hesitant expression on his face, eyes shining with more emotion then any human could ever manage.

"You make my heart sing," Jaal says, and Aria can't breathe, "I want us to be together."

Yes! her mind screams, though it takes a moment longer for her to remember how to breathe, and thus, speak.

"Yeah," she finally manages, feeling vulnerable and terrified but so very happy, "I'd like that."

The tension snaps, then, Jaal letting out a happy laugh and exuberant "Yes!" that has Aria laughing right along with him, feeling lighter then she has in weeks.

Jaal's shifting closer, suddenly, lifting one big hand to cup her face, the warmth he exudes drawing her in even as he grins, softly, "I adore you."

He's leaning in before she can even think to reply, and Aria shifts to meet him, eyes closing and heart pounding as his lips meet hers.

She's never been kissed before - had never met anyone she wanted to kiss, truly - and so this, her first kiss with a man she loves, deeply, is thrilling, and amazing, and so gentle she wonders if he's afraid of pushing her.

Little chance of that. Aria thinks, chasing the warmth of his mouth when he pulls away, eyes opening half way to meet his pleased grin and lips tilting up at the affection in his gaze.

"Ah, let me show you one more thing you might like." Jaal jumps up suddenly, seeming antsy, holding his hands out to pull her up from the bed, as well, "Lie down."

Aria's insanely curious, letting him turn her around and loving the excitement in his expression, "Okay, sure."

She does as asked while he crosses to the dresser and turns something on, and suddenly the universe is above her, swirling blues and purples and stars, everywhere-

"Beautiful." Aria breathes, staring at the lights as he crosses back over to lay beside her, "You made that?"

"Long ago." he answers quietly, "It's not... accurate. More of a dream, really. Just one more thing I want to take apart, and... figure out."

"Ah, Jaal..."

"And now..."Jaal continues, and Aria feels his hand slip under hers, lacing her fingers with his as best she can and turning her head to meet his gaze, "I have someone to do it with."

"Yes." Aria squeezes his hand, a thought popping up that makes her laugh, "I hope your mother likes me, Jaal."

His grin widens, "My mother is going to love you, Aria."

"I like your family." she mumbles, feeling suddenly sleepy - comfortable and safe, laying beneath the galaxy with her love - I'd like to... get to know them."

"Are you alright, Darling One?"

Aria's heart thumps at the name, but all she can do is nod, ready to drift off, "Just very, very tired..."

She feels Jaal shift beside her, though he doesn't release her hand, "Have you slept, since...?"

"No." it's easier to admit now, somehow, "Kept seeing... nightmares."

"Darling One," Jaal says again, though now he's released her hand to slip his arm instead beneath her shoulders, lifting her into a sitting position, "We should return to the Tempest, so you can rest."

"But-"

Whatever she'd meant to say is cut off by his lips on hers, and she's immediately more awake, flushing when he pulls away and gives her a look.

"Come, Aria," he urges her up, keeping an arm around her waist to steady her, "We can visit again, once you are properly rested. I am sure my True Mother would like if we came again another day, as well."

"Alright, Jaal." she sighs, allowing him to lead her back out through the main rooms of the compound, not at all bothered by the knowing whispers of his family, grateful for his help back to the shuttle.

Jaal says something to the driver that she doesn't quite catch, but she figures it out when they're let out right at the Tempest, thanking him quietly.

Jaal escorts her all the way to the doors of her room, bending to steal one last slow, gentle kiss before running his thumb over her cheek and giving her a soft grin.

"Get some rest, Darling One." he urges, "I am but a call away, should you need me."

"Okay." Aria steps reluctantly through the door, managing a tiny smile, "Good night, Jaal."

"Good night, Aria."

The door whooshes shut, and Aria strips off her armor and crawls into bed in just a tank top and her panties, feeling happy, warm, and - amazingly - loved.

There are no Kett when she closes her eyes, now - just a swirling galaxy and the man who'd taken her there.

[niorah]

Ryder Appreciation Week Meme

Courtesy of @omegastation ! Great idea. :)

Can be reblogged and filled or used as answers to asks! :)

1. Does your Ryder like their father? Nope. 2. How does your Ryder feel about their sibling? Same. Not really a family person. 3. If given the chance, do you think your Ryder would be a good Nexus Director? Oh good lord NO. 4. What’s your Ryder’s favorite weapon? Sidewinder! I made a level X one that I called “I Am the Law”. Hellooo Clint Eastwood wannabe. :D 5. What’s your Ryder’s fighting style/class? Half Vanguard, half gunslinger. 6. Does your Ryder get along well with Tann, Addison, Kandros or Kesh? Yes, all of them. It just takes a little bit of diplomacy. 7. Is your Ryder good at driving the Nomad? Incredibly, yes. 8. What is the one Pathfinder task that your Ryder hates? Anything along the lines of: “Oh, Pathfinder! Since you have absolutely nothing to do, of any importance, could bring this little locket/necklace/trinket that my brother/great-grandmother/third cousin five times removed loved so much to this very remote place, you know, to celebrate their memory or something?” Seriously…? 9. What does your Ryder enjoy about being a Pathfinder? Travelling, discovering new planets, interacting with the Angara, studying whatever the Remnants left behind, getting to know the new Galaxy. 10. How does your Ryder feel about the memories they unlocked? Some are sappy, some are interesting, some are downright disturbing. 11. Does your Ryder consider SAM a friend/sibling/…? I’d say a friend, after a short trial as a “tool”. 12. What’s your Ryder’s favorite location in Andromeda? Kadara! 13. If your Ryder could give one gift to their LI (if there is one!), what would they give? A romantic candle-lit dinner to my beautiful, spiky girlfriend (Vetra). Pretty sure she never had one. :) 14. How does your Ryder feel about the fight between Kallo and Gil? Kallo was right, not because what Gil did is wrong, but because the -way- he went about it was wrong. He should have talked to Kallo -beforehand-. Or in case of split moment decisions, he should have talked to Kallo about it afterwards, explaining his actions/changes to the Tempest. Communication is key to getting along, especially in close quarters. 15. What does your Ryder think about Shepard? There is probably some kind of interest, maybe even a bit of admiration, albeit somehow hesitant, due to the fact that the only other N7 she has ever known was her father, and she never liked him much. 16. Does your Ryder like the other Pathfinders? Oh yes! Raeka, Rix and Sarissa are awesome. 17. What is the one lesson your Ryder learned in Andromeda? Be cautious. Very, very cautious. Bring a loaded gun. Do. Not. Lick the rocks. OK, it’s three, but they’re all important! 18. What is the hardest thing your Ryder had to do in their life? Leaving behind Drack’s scouts to save the Salarian Pathfinder. That one was a hard choice. :( 19. Does your Ryder like memes? The funny ones… 20. Which song would represent your Ryder well? Mmmhhh… maybe “I want it all” by Queen.

[little-blue-tiefling]

Pathfound

Pair: Zevin Raeka/Sara Ryder

Small sucky description: Sara's feelings for Pathfinder Zevin Raeka are more than platonic and she'd been having a hard time dealing with them.

Words: 2750~

AO3

I saw this art by @asketchbookthing and died. So. Yeah. This has been in the works. Raeka’s characterisation is probably way off (its been a while since I last saw her and we see so little of her so I kinda winged it)

Also I suck at blurbs. Like a lot.

________________________________________________________________

The Nexus seemed busy today. More Salarians were around than the last time she was here. A few more Asari too. She'd just recovered the Asari ark, the Salarian ark had been back for a short while. Of course the Turian Ark was still out there, but things were looking up. Slowly but surely it seemed everything was slotting into place. People seemed joyous. Happy. Excited, even. The Asari were grateful. Some Angara were standing around amazed. A few people stopped her on her way to operations, to thank her or ask her a question about the world, her job, anything. Some people just wanted a way to make it all seem real. Sara was happy to comply, for she understood completely the shock of waking up to a disaster, even if the disaster was slowly but surely getting better. Well, they still had a long way to go yet. The Archon was still a threat and the cluster still not perfect for settlement. They'd get there though, eventually. She and Pathfinder Raeka had been working hard to ensure that this galaxy would be inhabitable. And now Sarissa had been added into the mix, too. They would all fight to their last breath if they had too. Whatever the cost. The thought of Pathfinder Raeka brought Sara to another problem she was facing: She was undeniably falling for her. Despite the fact that she knew it was pointless, despite the fact that she knew Salarian's had a short lifespan and she wouldn't get that long with Raeka even if the feelings were returned (which she found no evidence of them being so) she couldn't help it. Stepping onto the tram that'd lead her to operations, Sara felt herself sigh and sink into a seat. Her thoughts, once again, were filled with Raeka. Raeka was strong, confident and brave. The way she cared about her people, the way she fought so passionately for them had made Sara respect her and see her with such awe that she hadn't even noticed when her respect started changing. That is, until the nightmares she used to have started to be replaced with little snippets of dreams featuring her and Raeka. A stolen kiss, a stroll down a street she vaguely remembered from a visit to Earth, eating dinner in her Quarters. Small romantic gestures played through her mind constantly. And once Sara had noticed her growing affections, they became very hard to ignore. She'd spot something and wonder if Raeka would like it. She'd see the colour orange and think of Raeka's armour. Hell, at one point she'd coloured her own armour orange and blue mindlessly. It wasn't until Cora pointed out how she looked like Raeka with those colours that she'd realised what she'd done. So yes, Sara was definitely falling for her. Hard.

Raeka was rarely around Pathfinder quarters when Sara was. Both were often rather busy, and rarely got the chance to just chat. Though, before she'd realised the extent of her feelings for Raeka, Sara had snagged quite a few conversations with her when her timing was right. Quite often they spoke over comms too. Mostly about work, though sometimes those conversations could slip into personal life. Those little chats had started to fuel Sara. Then she'd realised how much she liked her, and slowly their interactions had changed. Sure, they still talked, but Sara got more awkward and nervous when not talking about work. It was also a lot easier to talk to her over comms than in person. Still, Sara was going just a little bit crazy over the Salarian pathfinder. Getting more distracted, more lost in her thoughts. The first one who'd noticed Sara's distraction, aside from SAM, had been Gil. Apparently, his poker abilities had another purpose too.  Lexi had noticed once she'd managed to drag Sara in to talk with her - something Sara constantly tried to avoid. Soon they had all been wondering why the pathfinder was so distracted - and when Cora finally put it all into place they had teased her for a solid two weeks. Gil had made a joke, something about Sara being a pathfinder so she should 'Pathfind a way to her heart'. Sara didn't speak to him until the next time she set the Nomad on fire (which in her defence had been because of a Kett ambush and not her driving skills). Though, everyone else quickly picked up on the joke after too. While impractical, Sara did consider just ignoring them all. Sadly, her duties required her to talk to them. Didn't mean that she'd act happy when she did. So no, Sara hadn't been thrilled when her team had found out. Especially not after Kallo came and gave her the Salarian 'talk'. (Sara had to quickly assure him that her feelings were purely romantic and she honestly wasn't looking for something sexual.) In the end, everyone had toned the teasing down and told her to simply tell the Salarian pathfinder how she felt. As if that'd be easy. Even Kallo, who said that he'd support her whether Raeka returned the feelings or not, was encouraging it. As he'd said, Salarian society just never really considered romantic love, mostly due to their population differences, but it was possible. Since then, every time Sara spoke to Raeka she'd been more awkward or stand-offish. The human pathfinder, the woman who spent the better part of her days murdering hordes of Kett and facing fiends one on one, was terrified and nervous of speaking to a colleague. She'd practically been avoiding her in a way, avoiding talk of anything personal and sticking to the basic work talk, cutting short their talks over the comms and practically running away whenever she physically saw her. Her team finding out had probably been the worst thing that could have happened because now Sara felt vulnerable and far worse about the situation. The tram finally came to a stop and Sara sucked in a breath of strength, hoping Raeka wouldn’t be around. But also, secretly, hoping she would be. Stepping off, she walked into Operations. As it often was, operations was bustling and everyone there seemed frantically busy. There were people rushing about, reports coming in, updates and missions and information seemed to be flying everywhere. Reports on outposts, on the Kett, on the Roekaar and the exiles, the collective and the outcasts and the scavengers, and the resistance, and the remnant. Apex teams going off on missions or just coming back from them. Police shouting at a turian who was clearly drunk. Sara noticed Kandros, busy with talking with an agent. He caught her eye, gave her a small nod of acknowledgment which she returned, before he moved his attention back to his conversation. Glancing around, Sara noticed a group of scientists who, if their body language was anything to go by, were definitely arguing with one another about something. Sid, Vetra's sister, was around too. It was always nice to see her. Sara made a quick mental note to check in on her when her business with Kesh was finished. She turned, and was about to head up the steps towards Kesh’s office, when she heard someone call out "Pathfinder!" Sara was about to turn back to see who had called when the person, a Salarian, darted straight past her and towards someone else. Another Salarian. Raeka. If it wasn't for the shock and sudden panic of seeing the exact person she had hoped to avoid, Sara would've sworn loudly and cursed her luck. Instead, she froze. Standing still like a dear caught in headlights. She was lucky in a way though, since Raeka hadn't noticed her. And she'd worn her hoodie instead of her jacket today - she could pull the hood up, run over to Tiran and hide out there until it was safe. Though, she wasn't entirely sure what 'safe' was exactly. Especially since she still definitely needed to see Kesh and leaving before that wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe she could get Tiran to distract Raeka long enough for her to sneak past? Just as she moved to pull her hood up to cover herself, she heard the one voice she really didn't want to hear shouting the one thing she hadn't wanted to hear from it. "Ryder!" She could pretend she didn't hear anything and sprint to the trams as fast as possible, but that wasn't something she could bring herself to do now. Raeka knew she was here, she had called out to her, and Sara had to go. With every ounce of strength she had, she walked towards the Salarian pathfinder. The woman whom she had grown to be good friends with, whom she had fallen for so quickly and gotten so caught up in. Sara could have screamed, but it didn't seem to be an appropriate response. Not a strong enough way to really let her feelings out right now. "H-hey Raeka," she greeted meekly as she crossed the space between them, looking up into her big, gentle eyes. It was a mistake, of course, since Sara's heart started beating even faster than it already was. In fact, it could have stopped. She'd died twice already, she wasn't putting it past herself to die again. This was definitely a situation she could see herself dying in, too. "I haven't seen you for a while. How are you? Is your job going well?" Raeka asked her in her quick yet gentle voice: the voice that made her knees turn to jelly. "Yeah... yeah it is. Just... doing stuff. Pathfinder stuff, you know? Of course you know, you're a pathfinder! What am I talking about?" Sara quickly shut up before she started rambling even more, cursing herself for being so awkward around people she liked. If Raeka was confused, or put off, she didn't show it. "Oh, well that's good. It's just been unusual not talking with you, but you must've been busy. Congratulations on getting the Asari ark back, by the way. I met Sarissa and she's... interesting. I'll need to talk to her a bit more to formulate an opinion, but she seems to be good at her job." "She is, it's why I kept her as pathfinder," Sara agreed. This was good. Easy. It was work talk and she could do work talk. "How have you been otherwise? How's your crew?" Raeka asked and Sara felt worried again. This wasn't work talk and Sara felt herself freeze a little, seizing up in panic. She could do this, she could do this. "Oh good, good. Really good. Bringing back the Asari ark has them more hopeful. Everyone more hopeful." Nailed it. "Sometimes all you need is a little hope," Raeka muttered, and Sara felt her heart squeeze. This wasn't good for her health at all. She could already hear Lexi complaining at her to stop getting herself into stressful situations. Then again, Lexi had also told her that she needed to tell Raeka how she felt. This was pretty much a lose-lose situation. "Ha-ha yeah, that’s true. Really true. It'll really help someone out. You know, talking about hope, I need to speak to Kesh about a mission. Spread some hope over on that way." She pointed behind herself, to where she vaguely assumed Kesh's office was, but she was a bit too distracted to know for sure. "Nice talking to you Raeka!" Just as Sara started to turn around, ready to retreat with her tail between her legs and cry her eyes out in the privacy of Kesh's office, Raeka caught her shoulder. "Are you okay, Ryder?" she inquired, her voice so damn gentle and tender and worried. Sara paused. "ME? Oh, I'm completely okay. Better than okay, actually. I should just really, y'know, go see Kesh." She made no effort to move though, Raeka's large eyes had captured her own and there was a look in them that froze her in place. Fear? Concern? Sara couldn't place it, but it seemed almost vulnerable and she knew that she didn't want to see that look on Raeka anymore. "You've been brushing me off pretty quickly lately, I haven't done something have I?" Raeka's voice grew a little quieter, a little hurt and scared and it made any other excuses die before they'd had time to come to Sara. Raeka thought she'd done something wrong; that she was the problem. Ryder felt her heart swell again - it really needed to stop doing that - and held her arms out towards her, placing them on her shoulders. She wouldn't run away, her crew were right. She needed to tell Raeka before she ruined any chance they had of at least being friends. "No, no Raeka. It... I... I-kinda-really-like-you-and-it's-hard-talking-to-you-because-it's-silly-to-think-you'd-like-me-too," she rushed, getting it all out in the open and for a second hoping maybe Raeka wouldn't catch all of it. That was a stupid hope of course, Raeka was a Salarian so of course she'd catch all of it. A look of realisation passed over Raeka. "Wait. Ryder, your unusual behaviour is because you like me?" Sara could hardly breathe, and no longer trusted her voice, so simply nodded quickly. She wasn't sure exactly what she'd expected. Maybe for her to lightly turn her down, a 'thanks but I don't like you that way' or maybe for her to get annoyed, though Raeka didn't seem the type. Instead she laughed. But it wasn't a cruel laugh, no, more a relieved one. "Sara… that was the problem? Really? You could have said something sooner, Salarian lives aren't exactly the longest." "Wait, what-" Raeka placed a hand on either side of Sara's face, holding her there so that their eyes interlocked. "I like you too, Sara," she murmured, loud enough so that Sara could hear over the noise of operations but soft enough to contain the utmost honesty and truth in her words. Disbelief washed over her at Raeka's words. "R-really? But… you're a Salarian!" she exclaimed, incredulous. Sure, Kallo had said it was possible. But he'd also mentioned the possibility was slim. Sara's luck usually didn't last outside the field, outside the mission. This was... strange. Raeka laughed again. A beautiful, joyful laugh that made Sara's stomach feel fluttery. "I've never been a very good Salarian. If I was, I wouldn't be the Salarian pathfinder in the first place." Sara couldn't argue with that fact at all, and in her utter joy, she pulled Raeka down, an arm around her neck and a hand hooked on her armour, to plant a gentle kiss on her lips. It was only quick, nothing over the top. Sara didn't want over the top. She wanted love, support and a woman who was as caring as she was dangerous. She just wanted to be with Raeka. Sara was pretty sure she'd be content just wrapped up in Raeka’s arms forever. "So, will you stop brushing me off now?" Raeka asked, amused, as Sara held onto her; their foreheads pressed together. Raeka's arms had come to rest around Sara's waist. It was comfortable. It was perfect. Sara chuckled, an elated noise. "Maybe. I really do need to speak to Kesh though." Even if she didn't want to, she had important information about Spender she had to go over with her. "Already leaving me for another woman?" Raeka asked her, making Sara laugh a little louder. She kissed her again, planting a soft peck to her cheek this time. Any nerves that had been there before vanished now, chased out by her pure joy. "I'll come by the pathfinder quarters when I'm done, okay? Maybe we can go for a drink and catch up on what's happened since I started pretty much avoiding you." Raeka wrapped her arms around Sara even tighter, strong enough to let Sara know how happy she was too. "You'd better, pathfinder." "Don't worry, I certainly will, Pathfinder," Sara replied, the biggest grin on her face as she reluctantly pulled away and headed towards Kesh's office. Raeka watched her go, she could feel those beautiful eyes on her as she walked away. Sara was overjoyed, even if she was a little embarrassed at how it had all gone down. Though overall, it definitely could have gone worse. She smiled to herself, thinking of that joke everyone had made. '’Pathfind’ a way to her heart'. Well, Sara thought to herself as she shot a quick look back towards where Raeka stood smiling at her, Pathfound.

[asketchbookthing]

Digital art is on a standstill, as I broke the cord to my cintiq last week and still am waiting on getting that fixed. SO HAVE PENCIL SKETCHES of Ryder pulling the tol girlfriend down for kisses.

I went from having a small crush on Raeka to a rather large one. If only I could write fanfic for this :P   

[little-blue-tiefling]

Is the Sara x Raeka story a one shot or do you plan on doing more?

Technically its a one shot but you can bet that I’m going to be writing more with them in. In fact I have an almost finished fic of the two of them ready now, and have more planned.

(I just haven’t been writing fanfiction this week, been in a slump so I’ve been writing personal stories instead)

I created that tag on AO3 and rest assured I am going to keep it going.