#run Mr. Bigglesworth RUN

[gleafer]

Them: Have you been watching the Olympics?

Me: KINDA?

[scourge-lover]

Loyal to a Fault

One of many of Arthas's minor punishments placed upon him by the new Lich King. Help arrives with teenage sass.

Stacks of letters, ink bottles, and empty parchment obscured Arthas's elegant desk. While Arthas didn't mind doing some research about necromancy and strategy, this was not it. The letters described mining operations, supply runs, and unit distribution. Most of them contained nothing but spreads of numbers and quotas. Nothing within the pages even remotely demanded Arthas's full attention.

"I miss Kel'thuzad," Arthas muttered as he painfully and laboriously scratched numbers across blank sheets of parchment, trying to make sense of everything and make a coherent report for every single letter.

Mr Bigglesworth was curled up on a cushion in the chair facing Arthas's desk. Every itch of fur was under scrutiny as he licked himself clean. Somewhere out of sight, his two kittens were probably causing mayhem, or passed out asleep. 

Arthas glared at the cat. “You don’t seem to miss him, you disloyal little cretin. Do you?”

The cat stopped licking. He glanced over at Arthas with half slit eyes. After a moment, the cat meowed and resumed his bath. 

Arthas looked down at his work. Numbers scrawled across the parchment haphazardly. That brief moment of distraction had pulled him away from his work and now none of it made sense. Arthas snatched up the paper and tore it into shreds. Ink smeared over his hands. 

A knock on the door only added to his frustration. After he called out, another cultist came in with a handful of letters. 

“Forgive me, Your High-...” The cultist trailed off, unsure of how to address Arthas. 

He gripped the side of his desk in irritation. “The Lich King has gracefully allowed me the title of Lord.”

“Of course, Lord Arthas. More letters, these are from the Eastern Kingdoms.”

More frustration. Arthas reached up with one to rub his temples. The other hand, he held out. The cultist handed over the papers. Arthas dumped them on top of the pile. Arthas waved the cultist away, who unfortunately did not close the door on her way out. That was a minor annoyance compared to the rest of the trouble Arthas was dealing with. 

What looked like a pale ghost peered into the room. Sapphire looked at the door curiously then at Arthas, then back at the door. She started to raise a closed fist.

“If the door is open, you don’t have to knock,” Arthas said. That was all the encouragement Sapphire needed. She pranced inside. Mr. Bigglesworth hissed angrily when she yanked him into her arms and she flopped down into the chair opposite her father.

“You’ve been in here awhile.”

Arthas grunted noncommittally. He finished one thing and went immediately to another paper, slowly skimming the information. Bolvar knew Arthas's literary deficiencies well enough to know how singularly miserable this task was.

Nothing was needed for this paper; it was just an update. He tossed the paper aside.

Sapphire looked at the stacks, and back at the busy Arthas. She reached over to one stack and pulled a paper off to read herself.

“Bolvar’s making you do all of these?” She asked with audible concddn.

Arthas grunted. “It was this, or torture. I should have chosen torture.”

Silence blessed the room for a moment. Briefly Arthas went back to his work writing out numbers on a spreadsheet. Out of the corner of his eye, he suddenly saw papers moving. Being put into different stacks and rearranged.

No patience resided in him today. He looked up and snarled. "Don't mess them up or I'll have to start over!"

His daughter bared her teeth. Nothing about her was remotely threatening but she tried her best to look intimidating.

"Don't get your hair in a twist! I'm organizing them! This is stuff you need to do, and this is stuff I'm gonna do!"

He froze. The ink on his pen dripped onto the paper before him. Sapphire crossed her arms insolently, daring him to argue. He put the pen down and sighed.

"You don't need to do that. I'm the problem. Not you," His voice softened.

Rather than leave, his daughter grabbed her stack and then proceeded to wiggle into the chair to get more comfortable. To his dismay, she propped up her feet onto his beautiful desk. Still, he didn't bother to reprimand her.

After a minute of reading, she didn't even bother to look at him to respond. "He didn't say you weren't allowed to have help. I would have ignored him anyway."

Before he could say anything, Sapphire suddenly look straight up at the metal ceiling, as if looking through it at something far far above the room.

"I'm not undead yet so you can suck it, Fireblood!"

Arthas tried and failed to not laugh at her little outburst. The girl's use of Arthas's own condescending nickname for Bolvar really sealed the deal.

He finished his task early that day.

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Pokémon Reborn Screenshot Let's Play: Chapter 35

Y’know, it’s a bit weird being in September and not being in any sort of school by this time. I mean, I guess that makes sense, it’s a weird feeling to just…stop being in something you’ve been in for over half your life. I’m not gonna think about it too hard, especially since I’m sure that void will be filled once I get a job, although the flipside to that is updates of his Let’s Play will probably start being a bit more irregular again. 

But hey, that’s not an issue right now- if anything, by now I’ve figured out a pretty steady workflow for play sessions, writing, and Tumblr post-making. I think it shows in the frequency of updates, they’re nearly weekly at this point. Needless to say, I don’t have a specific schedule for these, it’s generally just “they’re ready when they’re ready”, but I’m sure no one’s complaining about new chapters going up more often than not.

But that’s enough of personal stuff, I know what y’all are actually here for: more Reborn action! And I get the feeling this chapter is going to really deliver, about as much as the last one did! And speaking of that previous chapter, let’s recap what happened there, because it was definitely…interesting, in a variety of ways.

While preparing to challenge Gym Leader Aya, Xera returns to Onyx Ward and is granted access to a certain rooftop garden. There, she catches a Pichu, who she names Jolt.

Rather than catch a wild Magcargo in Pyrous Mountain, Xera evolves Caldera the Slugma into one.

Xera briefly returns to Azurine Island and catches one of the many Foongus masquerading as items, who she names Chanterelle. 

After activating several chemical vats scattered around the Byxbysion Wasteland, Xera finds a hidden door now unlocked, leading into a series of caves underneath the wasteland. 

While exploring these caves, Xera finds the elusive PULSE prototype Ace told her about, a mutated Garbodor calling himself Mr. Bigglesworth. Despite the shock of the situation, Xera is able to defeat the inactive PULSE and the horde of Trubbish living around it. 

Further exploring the caves, Xera finds a crumbling rock spire of some sort. An Odd Keystone in her Bag reacts to it, summoning a Spiritomb; she catches the Spiritomb, naming it Karma.

Further preparing for Aya, Xera trains up Selene the Nidorina and Wulfrum the Lairon, evolving them into Nidoqueen and Aggron respectively.

With her team prepared, Xera returns to properly challenge Aya. Aya is less than pleased about having to do another battle, expressing doubts about her abilities as a Gym Leader, a position she was suddenly thrust into. Hardy attempts to encourage her, Fern does not, and the battle begins. 

Despite the oddities of the Wasteland, Xera wins the battle. Fern is disappointed on at least two levels and leaves shortly afterwards while Hardy tries to cheer up Aya. Aya, however, remains apathetic to his words.

Aya explains how it was her younger brother, Cain, who actually earned the Gym Leader title before suddenly running away one day. He left no word to his family, and he left his Pokémon behind as well, thus forcing Aya to be the Gym Leader in his place.

Hardy decides to stay behind to help Aya and her family with some things, starting with reminding her to give Xera her rightful Badge. Aya coldly obliges, and thus Xera receives the Blight Badge. With Hardy giving her a much warmer farewell, Xera departs the Hideout.

At the gates leading back to Reborn City, Xera finds Cain. He apologizes for running off like he did and explains more about his reluctance to see his family again. Taking on the League was seemingly just a means to avoid his problems, but he realized the challenge would require him to battle Aya eventually. 

Cain remarks that he still has copies of the Blight Badge from his time as a Gym Leader, meaning he could pretend to have earned it from Aya. He then reasons that, since Xera defeated Aya and earned the Badge too, him beating her would technically count for defeating Aya. With this, Cain swiftly engages Xera in a battle.

Xera is able to defeat Cain, who acknowledges the battle was probably a bad idea anyways. The two agree to return to Reborn City and investigate the Railnet to try and get to the kidnapped children, Cain only asking that they keep the excursion to the Wasteland between them.

Upon reentering the city, Xera quickly encounters Cal. Though he knows Xera likely still hates him, he wishes to explain some things anyways. Cal says he attended Apophyll Academy genuinely, not to infiltrate it for Team Meteor- at least until Team Meteor found him and ordered him to set up the PULSE at Pyrous Mountain. However, Cal did not want anything to happen to the Academy, so he secretly sabotaged the machine before Xera and the others even arrived- in other words, they did not need to intervene, and Kiki and Medicham truly did not need to die. 

Cal also gives Xera the TMX for Strength. Indeed, he was the one who stole it under Team Meteor’s orders- another action he regretted. He explains he needs to learn to be better than his impulses and plans to go into hiding, pleading with Xera to rescue Shelly and make things right in his place. Cal remarks that they may meet again someday, and he leaves for parts unknown.

So yeah! All in all, I’ve got the Machine for Strength, the Badge to be allowed to use it, and a few extra aneurysms from Cal! In other words, everything we need to go down to the Railnet and finally rescue Heather and the other kids! So I believe this chapter will be the thrilling conclusion to that particular story arc, but I’m feeling mostly confident about it. After all, I was able to beat a Double Battle Gym on my first try- a better performance from when I fought Shelly- so it seems like my battling skills are kinda sorta improving!

Of course, talking only goes so far- it’s actions that really show whether someone’s skills have improved or not! So let’s get started- I know two evil guys who would make great target practice.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Part 14

Part 15

Part 16

Part 17

Part 18

Part 19

Part 20

[arranart]

Finally finished the painting commission I started almost a full two years ago. Holy crap, that repeat client is more patient than I could ever hope to be.

So, this is “Bella”.

It’s the last in a series of four (though there might be more later?), and Bella loves her raccoon plushies and plastic bottle caps. Michigan is in the back and the pattern on it is meant to look like petrosky, the state rock.

The one just previous was “Bunny”, whom they wanted portrayed with Easter eggs and clouds that look like Texas and Michigan. They were moving from one state to the other at the time.

Before that was “Mr. Bigglesworth in Majesty”, for Mr. Bigglesworth. He wears a bow tie on his collar. I don’t recall the deal about a parody of Lone Star beer, but it might have something to do with using beer caps as toys, much like Bella does with plastic bottle caps. They lived in Texas at the time and wanted Texas as the Background.

And the series started with Fiona’s “Princess Fiona”. She’s gone now, sadly, but she loved water so much that she would hold her head under a running faucet. So, they wanted a water drop 💧 in the background, and I turned some of her tiara jewels into little water droplets, too.

I would give just about anything to get my hands on “Fiona” again, because I would love to redo those boots and the texture of her fur. 😬

All of these are 11x14 inch oils on stretched canvas and have painted edges, so they can be hung without a frame.

[squadron-of-damned]

So do you have a headcanon on how KT and his cat met. And was it me or was it that KT kind of likes dragons since he had a frost wyrm and nursed a baby whelp once right? Also how do you think Arthas would react if he sees a lil KT running around

I sort of always thought that Mr. Bigglesworth is one of those Cats That Get Everywhere. The cultists of course tried to keep him a secret, but Kel’thuzad found out and decided to keep the cat, because it is such a de-stress ball. Bigglesworth purrs and likes Kel’thuzad, of course the lich keeps him!

As to dragons… we as the players and Adventures might have a pretty screwed idea about dragons. Dragons are those majestic rare beings and usually appear to Heroes and so on. Nothing for common people. Put yourself in Kel’thuzad’s shoes for a while. He gets to keep not one dragon but two dragons, one he can even rise from a little whelp! Not only they are cool and also good guard, but you can also study them.

Bold of you to assume Arthas would notice little KT. That man wouldn’t tolerate Mr. Bigglesworth, had he known about him. But then, Arthas isn’t known for being observant.

[wowheadquarters]

Interview with Kel’thuzad (pt. 2)

Q: Favorite type of cat?

Kel’thuzad: I love all cats equally. But I suppose… I suppose I favor Siamese.

Q: Opinions on the Ebon Blade?

Kel’thuzad: Ungrateful bastards. After we’ve put so much effort and time in training and raising them, they just… Decide to run away? And now when there is Bolvar in charge, they think we are going to accept them back just like that? Kel’thuzad: I can’t go against King Bolvar, who did accept them just like that. But hell damn, am I displeased.

Q: What’s your hobby?

Kel’thuzad: I mainly do research. Never enough of research. Kel’thuzad: Given that hobbies are something one does in his free time, I can’t afford to have one either way.

Q: Opinion the player Deathlord?

Kel’thuzad: (Heavy sigh) The same as the Ebon Blade.

Q: How does it feel to be a Lich? Would you recommend it?

Kel’thuzad: It beats being alive. I think. Kel’thuzad: On one hand, you don’t have to sleep, eat, drink. You are constantly levitating, at least as long as you want to. There aren’t any stupid feelings getting in your way, you are more or less immortal. Plus a lo of people thinks you look cool. Kel’thuzad: On the other hand, you have a migraine from the horns, at least I do, you are always cold and… Kel’thuzad: And it feels very empty. There is this terrible hunger deep inside you. A craving. But we don’t know what it is you are after.

Q: Has Bolvar reached out to you yet? What’s your thoughts on the guy? Cool or not cool?

Kel’thuzad: Well, yes, he had. It wasn’t his initiative, true, but we talk…Kind of. He still doesn’t have the grasp on all the Lich King stuff. And he doesn’t really want to. But I still can help out here and there. It is… Well, since he has the policy of “everyone should be in cryostasis,” it isn’t anything hard. But also nothing exciting. Kel’thuzad: My thoughts about it, well, who am I to criticize the Master? Krl’thuzad: Bolvar is very… Kind. Especially compared to Arthas and Ner’zhul. It isn’t as I am complaining but it is hard to get used to. For years every failure was punished with persihment or pain beyond imagination. And now the Lich King is all “Don’t stress yourself over that, nothing happened, try to be more careful the next time.” This kind of treatment can confuse the hell out of you, let me tell you. 

Q: Where do you buy your robes? They are absolutely, incomprehensably fabolous. An Icon, my lich, you are an icon.

Kel’thuzad: Really? You think so? If there was any blood left in me, I’d blush. Kel’thuzad: All sewing is work of a few small group of our cultists. We have smiths, tailors, leather-workers… The Cult attracted a lot of various people, you know? and most of them were common people. Bakers, farmers, workers. Not, as people like to think, power-obsessed mage maniacs. Kel’thuzad: Everyone is contributing to the Scourge with what they know and what they can give. Kel’thuzad: Eh, I got distracted. I was trying to say that my robes, as all robes in Naxxramas, come from hands of Fergus Coldheart, Naxxramas tailor. And his assistants, of course

Q: You must have been annoyed at the Lich King at least once?

Kel’thuzad: Well… Yes. But when you serve a being who reads your mind like an open book and is keen using telepathy, you learn to push this kind of thoughts at the back of your mind. You learn to think in a certain way.

Q: Biggest mistake the Lich King made in your opinion?

Kel’thuzad: Hm… Losing. Choosing Arthas. A lot of those mistakes were my fault, I admit. Kel’thuzad: I never really wanted the Scourge to take over the world. I rejoiced the mistakes. Quietly. Because telepathy, you know. Kel’thuzad: It is far easier to say and think these things out loud when Bolvar is in charge. It still feels like a treason and that is… Dangerous.

Q: If you could give the Scourge an overhaul, what would you change?

Kel’thuzad: Less spikes. Less effects, more efficiency. Definitely.

Q: Do you think you would’ve made the better Lich King?

Kel’thuzad: Maybe. I haven’t really thought about being the Lich King because… Those are treacherous thoughts and those are not something you want to think out loud. Kel’thuzad: Surely there are two or three things I am sure I could improve, but… You know. I don’t really want to be the Lich King anyway. Eternal servitude is good enough for me.

Q: How does it feel to get your arse handed to you by the heroes … how many times did they do that now? Twice?

Kel’thuzad: Ooooh, many, many times. We have heroes bursting thorough Naxxramas, like every week. Kel’thuzad: I encourage that. A good way to get rid of discarded weapons, armor, trinkets, fur scraps… You know, the stuff we’d throw out anyway and this way we don’t have to care about the impact on the environment, economy, no need to fill in papers… Kel’thuzad: And we are a group of skilled necromancers. Since when would getting killed or at least beaten out of tangible shape had stopped us? And we keep ourselves entertained.

Q: Are you one of the most beloved bosses of hearthstone, do you like the game? Thoughts about the final bosses who followed you?

Kel’thuzad: You kidding? I love Hearthstone. Kel’thuzad: But to be honest, the bosses following after me were… How to put it lightly. Lame. Kel’thuad: Although, I have to say I don’t really like my card in the game. It is powerful like me, sure. But it feels… Kind of… Too strong to be played. You get me, right?

Q: How many cats do you have? And what is your favorite?

Kel���thuzad: My favorite is, of course, Mr. Bigglesworth. However, I don’t know how many cats are in the Naxxramas at the moment. Our catkeeper is a bit… Indisposed. Dead. Permanently. Kel’thuzad: But there are at least twenty-seven, counting the fur on my robes. Oh and one of them is snow leopard.

Q: Sorry not to be more than meat or is your current appearance better?

Kel’thuzad: I think my current form is, while less attractive, better since it requires less maintenance. The only thing I don’t like are the horns. Such a migraine. I can’t get used to it, even after all the years.

Q: Same question i asked Garrosh and Gul'dan, how’s it feel like to be in Heroes of the Storm?

Kel’thuzad: (Evil laughter as he spams Death and Decay all over the map)

Q: Can I pet your kitty?

Kel’thuzad: No. Kel’thuzad: … Kel’thuzad: Alright, alright. But please, be careful. Canines are delicate and fragile creatures.

Q: Did you ever have a thing for Arthas?

Kel’thuzad: Hell. No. I always had a hing for magic and science and magic and science only.

Q: Is Hearthstone fun to play?

Ke’zhuzad: Yes. But you need a good opponent. They don’t even have to have an awesome or strong pack. It is always about the people playing it, the cards are just secondary.

Q: Who introduced you to the game?

Kel’thuzad: That was so long ago, back in Dalaran when I was young and still learning. I remember playing a lot with Antonidas, but I am not sure who got whom into it. Kel’thuzad: If it wasn’t Antonidas, it had to be one of my classmates from Alchemy. Ah, good times, good times. Maybe I still could find that Murloc pack I used if I searched hard enough. I am sure it is still somewhere in Dalaran.

Q: What is the most stupid thing that the Cultists (and Death Knights) have ever done?

Kel’thuzad: Honestly, I am going to disappoint you here. They poured water in acid. Every single one in the laboratories. Water. In. Acid. even through they had seen what happens many times before and I explicitly told them not to do so. Water in acid. Natural selection at its finest, really.

Q: What is your favourite kind of tea?

Kel’thuzad: Here in Northrend, all you get is honeymint. So I say whatever isn’t honeymint tea is good with me. Kel’thuzad: I used to drink a lot of swiftthistle tea. Always filled me with energy. Good when I needed to work. But since I am dead, it just doesn’t have the effect.

Q: Can lichs whistle?

Kel’thuzad: Anatomically speaking, we shouldn’t be able to. But in the same way, we shouldn’t be able to breath or sigh, since we don’t have lungs, lips and so on. Kel’thuzad: But here we go. Kel’thuzad: (Whistles Don’t Worry Be Happy)

[faustium-a]

so my corgi is really sick and the vet bills are running over $9k.... if you could share or donate that would be great! 

[dokkaebiking]

Riddle Me This

No actual riddles/riddlers were harmed in the making of this ask meme.

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new questions and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

Thanks to the ever so amazing @rayadraws for the tag!

1. What’s your favourite type of candy?

Hmmm...I like sour stuff, so sour ropes are usually my go-to, though I love green apple rings as well. Red Vines are a classic fav of mine though too.

2. Are you a morning or night person?

Considering it’s past 3am, it’s quiet and I’m at work, I’d say it’s safe to assume I’m a night person lol~♥

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Right now it’d either be Sweden so I could see both Raya and @callmekairi or New Zealand because it’s gorgeous.

4. When was the last time you laughed really hard?

I’m assuming we’re talking about REALLY really hard, and I hate to say it but I can’t remember...I’ve laughed hard enough to tear up recently, but let’s be real, I tear up very very easily when I feel emotions. I have no idea what this says about me.

5. If you cook, what do your consider your best/favourite recipe?

Japanese Curry, surprisingly. It’s the one thing I regularly can make and not screw up. I tried making Korokke the other day, just your normal potato ones, and fail the first four, but did okay the last four; still wouldn’t call them a success but they were edible at least.

6. Do you like rainy days?

Love them! I’d move to Seattle if I could.

7. How did you first find out about OPM?

I want to say Tumblr suggested it to me, but I think I just saw it randomly on Hulu, watched a few episodes, like up to four were out (the original Japanese subbed run, not the dub) and binged them, then went on tumblr and fell into a pit I never crawled out of.

8. What is your favourite colour to wear?

Black, grey, or a black and red combo.

9. What colour are the socks you’re wearing right now?

White. I’m boring as fuck today. I was wearing some sleek, sporty, black socks yesterday though so I promise I’m not all boring all the time.

10. Do you sleep on your back, side or belly?

Usually on my side. I’ve been perpetually congested since I started taking T injections, which isn’t so bad until I lie down, so if I lie on my back there’s a chance I’ll snore and wake myself up; I should really invest in nasal strips. But yes, on my side, in what I refer to as the Sailor Moon pose (one leg straight and the other bent like I’m leaping up to pose in front of the moon all majestic-like), is what I usually do. Gotta keep my head properly supported though or I’ll drool thanks to useless lips and gravity. I’m a mess, I assure you.

11. Someone introduces you to their new pet cat and you have 5 seconds to think up a good name for it GO.

Oh this one is hard! It would depend on the pet really, but the first name that sprang to mind was Mr. Bigglesworth.

I’m sleep deprived and sorta light headed so I’m not gonna tag anyone or make up my own questions, but thanks again for tagging me!

[scourge-lover]

Winter Rousing

Arthas expects to suffer the rest of Winter’s Veil in his bedroom surrounded by isolation...and drink. Instead, worrying news rouses him from his torpor.

Of all the holiday celebrations through the year, Winter's Veil drew the harshest blow against Arthas. For Lordaeron, it had always been the height of the year. During the harsh winter months, Winter's Veil drew everyone closer together. Which meant the best and worst feelings came to the surface.

As Prince of Lordaeron, Arthas had a duty to his people to do everything he could to make the season wonderful. Arthas loved talking to people and attending parties, but that was when the worst came under scrutiny. He could not make any moves without the gossip running wild. If he paid too much attention to any women, it was seen as special interest. Jealously and desire ran hot despite the chill. Men would take offense at special attention given to wives or offended at lack of enough attention.

If it wasn't the nobles criticizing him, it would be Terenas. His father criticized everything. Why would you speak to Lord Barov for so long? Have you not heard of the disquieting rumors? Don't eat too much dessert, you're not a child anymore. Stand up straighter, you look like a farmer.

The voices of the past overwhelmed Arthas as he tried to block it out. Embalming fluid helped. Lying in bed, in the darkness, helped even more. Only a few more weeks, and the holiday would end. It's not like anyone needed him anymore. The Scourge had a new leader. Sapphire, Ethan, and Chompers were taken care of by Falric and Marwyn.

Who needed him anyway?

He drank enough to fall asleep, then he'd sober up, have these dark memories surface, and find more to drink before falling asleep once more. Day and night seemed to blur together.

One time of wakefulness, Arthas felt something warm and furry press up against him. Mr. Bigglesworth rubbed himself against Arthas's face.

"What do you want?" He groaned. Two other little mounds of fur hopped up and started clawing and mewling at him. These cats didn't even need him. Sapphire had taken Jasper away from him and given him to some mortal boy she met. Ms. Wigglesworth and Johnny could find new homes just as easily.

Mr. Bigglesworth raised one paw and pressed it against Arthas's cheek. He looked at him with those glowing blue eyes.

"I suppose you're hungry?" Arthas muttered, before heaving himself up. The whole room smelled of formaldehyde.

He managed to drag himself to the kitchen and found a few cans of potted meat. He popped the tab and ripped the lid off. Spooning the meat onto the plates was the most normal thing Arthas had done in a while.

The three cats clawed at him while he portioned the food out. Arthas bent down to put the plates on the floor. Mr Bigglesworth immediately dug into his while the kittens fought over one plate before Arthas yanked Johnny away to his own plate.

Arthas looked around the sparse kitchen. Dirty plates and cups filled the sink. Someone was neglecting their duties. Arthas sighed. He turned the sink on and reached for the soap. At least he knew how to do this.

Once done, Mr. Bigglesworth hopped onto the counter and watched Arthas dive elbow deep into the foamy sink water. Arthas scrubbed old food scraps off of plates. Such a simple menial task seemed to do wonders for Arthas. Instead of thinking about the past, he focused on cleaning congealed fat and unidentified crusts off the tines of fork.

Erratic footsteps echoed out in the hallway. Ethan came rushing in.

"Hey, have you seen Sapphire?"

Arthas shrugged. "A couple of hours ago, why?"

Worry spread over Ethan's face. Arthas scowled at that.

"Just ask Marwn to ask Bolvar. He knows where Sapphire is due to that damn necklace."

The young boy bit his lip and clenched his fists. "Bolvar went to sleep shortly after Sapphire disappeared."

Arthas stopped cleaning the dishes, suspicion aroused. Now that was a concern. Instead of a deep hibernation like Arthas did when he donned the Helm, Bolvar preferred to stay away but bound in the ice. This meant he required shorter "naps," mostly at night as if it were normal sleep. The longest one Arthas experienced had been an entire week. Falling asleep at midday with no warning? And now Sapphire was unaccounted for.

After drying his hands, Arthas left the kitchen with a hasty stride, with Ethan following like a frantic hound.

"She's not in the Citadel then?" Arthas asked.

"One of the necromancers used magic to look over the entire Citadel for life signs," Ethan explained.

Alarm bells rang in Arthas's mind. This was something serious. Before he could even begin telling Ethan what to do, they got to Sword's Rest, where Marwyn met them with disturbing news.

"Your Frostwrym, Glacier, is gone."

Rage filled Arthas. Bolvar sleeping? Sapphire gone, now his own frostwyrm? Something was wrong. He did not stop walking, forcing both Ethan and Marwyn to keep up with him.

"Do we have any other frostwyrms here in the Citadel?" He demanded.

Marwyn hesitated, then responded. "Yes, my dragon Spinestalker. Why?"

Arthas did not answer, he just continued out of the Halls of Reflection. He made his way to the teleportation runes and activated them. He arrived in the Frostwing Halls with the two following him still.

"You can't leave! Bolvar forbade it!"

Arthas turned to face Marwyn before letting out a hiss. "Are you going to stop me, Marwyn? Remember the last time you and I fought?"

Marwyn immediately backed down, cowed. Then a brief wave of confusion seemed to overcome him. 

He sighed. "Take my wyrm then. Falric and I will send out ghouls to look around the glacier."

"Be my guest!" Arthas snapped.

He kept going into the hallwways to where Marwyn kept Spinestalker. The frostwyrm slept in its stable, curled up in a ball.

"Spine! Do you know where Glacier is?" Arthas demanded.

The frostwyrm lifted its head. At first, it did not respond. Then, it snorted and nodded slowly. Arthas could not speak to it telepathically because he was not a member of the Scourge so communicating was going to be limited.

"Great. Take me to her."

Spinestalker only grunted when Arthas started to saddle it up. Ethan watched him.

"Should I come?"

Arthas tightened the straps without pause. "No, stay here. Go start melting Bolvar so when I get back, I can kick him in his balls."

With the saddle ready, Spinestalker roused himself finally. The dragon shook like a dog, then stretched while yawning. Arthas stepped his foot into the stirrup and hoisted himself up. He snatched up the pommel of the saddle and lifted one leg to sit down.

The frostwyrm trudged to the landing. Without warning, he spread his wings and leapt into the sky.

[cerastes]

So this ask is probs gonna be the polar opposite of the Garrosh ask but why do people love Kel'Thuzad so much? I remember back then in December when I started playing that this one was of the most requested characters from the Warcraft universe (along with DeathWing). Also wasn't Arthas the Lich King?

Kel’Thuzad is a well beloved character among Warcraft fans because of a number of reasons. He debuted in Warcraft III first as a pushover “boss” in one of the very first levels, just an old man necromancer getting killed by Arthas and Jaina, and you think that’s it. Kel’s dying words are “My dead is meaningless in the long run”, and you don’t really think about him again. Then, much later, when Arthas goes Bad, one of the first things the Lich King tells Arthas (this is all before he becomes the Lich King himself) is to use the ashes in the Sunwell of the elf city to complete a certain ritual. Arthas does so (killing and raising Sylvanas in the process, turning her in to the ANGRY banshee she is today), and BOOM, the ashes were Kel’Thuzad’s, and you just revived him as a powerful Lich. His first words? “I told you my dead was gonna be meaningless” in the smuggest tone. That’s his big establishing moment as a character. He serves as one of the two protagonists of the Undead Campaign alongside Arthas, and is in general a pretty funny guy. And, you know, hardcore as hell, seeing as he set up his own death knowing Arthas would eventually succumb to the Lich King and revive him himself.

The other thing with Kel’Thuzad is that he’s extremely plot relevant: He’s the one that started spreading the undead plague in the first place. The orders were the Lich King’s, but it was Kel that created the Cult of the Damned, contaminated TONS of grain, and had it sent out to major human settlements as if it was regular grain, effectively, successfully starting the zombie apocalypse that almost killed the Warcraft universe like twice now. He’s also the Necromancer that basically all the Necromancers try to emulate, and even though he’s a terrifyingly effective, intelligent villain, he’s always been rather chill (pun absolutely intended), making small chat with Arthas and his enemies alike, never raising his voice, and joking around 35% of the time. He’s like this BIG SCARY FROST SKELETON DUDE, but a funny and charming one, is the thing. He’s also the only person Arthas, even after going fully rotten, considers a friend, and Kel himself is violently, extremely loyal to Arthas. Even Anub’Arak is heavily implied to be serving Arthas against his will, due to the curse he is under, Kel’Thuzad does it entirely out of his free will.

Later on, when he became a raid boss in WoW, we meet his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth. It’s not an undead cat or anything, it’s a perfectly regular cat that Kel loves. It hangs out outside his boss room, and if you kill him, Kel gets PISSED and yells at you. WoW also delved into his backstory as a former human, but that’s longer. Also, in terms of gameplay, being a Lich Hero, he had command of THE strongest single target regular spell in the game, Frost Nova. A well placed Frost Nova in a fight turned tides and allowed to take out high priority targets really fast. He also had the VERY USEFUL/ANNOYING Frost Armor buff to give allies, which gave them increased defense AND made enemies close to them Slow (basically, what Arthas has in HotS? Kel gave it to others), and finally, he also had his ultimate, the VERY trollish “Death and Decay”, which was an absolute base wrecker. All in all, he was extremely powerful in gameplay too. Fragile, but his damage output and utility was immense.

All in all, Kel’s just a really cool dude, and to go like in even more detail would make this already lengthy post even longer, but basically, as I’ve said times before, Kel’Thuzad is my favorite male character Blizzard has ever made (and one of my favorites, period), he’s like a childhood inspiration for me, hahaha. I used to use “Kelthuzad” as my forums username and have Kel signatures and shit, that kind of love. And regarding Arthas being the Lich King, yep, that’s the case! And he needs Liches to command as the King of Liches. Kel’Thuzad is his most prominent and important one of those Liches: The Archlich.

[textales]

“A Curious Cat”

The Egyptians had a thing for cats. They even had a religion where they worshiped the feline gods. And If any one of those elusive feline gods had been even remotely as bewitching as my childhood cat I totally understand why.

She was a Seal Point Siamese…with deep blue eyes and a shimmering coat with blonde and brown fur, and even a strand or two of blue and silver mixed in. She was unlike any “normal” cat you’d see loitering in back yards or on front porches – this cat was downright exotic and stuck-out like a fine French restaurant in a trailer park. Great Falls was a simple “all American” blue-collar town, best suited for plain cats like Morris, the fat orange thing from the TV commercials for 9 Lives. Weird cats belonged in places like Missoula or Seattle with hippies and tie-dye and lesbians. She was clearly an outsider and a total anomaly. She might have been imported from Egypt or the land of Siam - wherever that was.

We lived on the right side of the tracks….but only by a few feet.  As a matter of fact, old railroad tracks remained in our back alley, abandoned since the 1950s when trucks replaced rail cars for local delivery of freight. We were on the last street where the old residential area met the industrial zone, with a giant three-story warehouse and tire repair shop on one end of the block, and a family-owned lumber yard across the alley. Our teeny home was built in 1916 when Great Falls was a thriving metropolis.  I’m guessing it was originally occupied by workers from the copper smelter or one of the many hydroelectric dams that were built in the era. Another set of tracks, about a half-mile away between our street and the Missouri River, carried the Burlington Northern freight trains which rumbled by a couple times a day.

Sometime in the mid-1970s my dad remodeled and we got all fancy with expensive Masonite paneling and a velvety couch and love-seat combo purchased from the House of Furniture for $499. We had multi-level shag carpeting and recessed lighting on dimmers, and the cottage-cheese ceiling had shiny silver sparkling bits.  

Ours may have been one of the nicer homes on the block - but just barely. I’m pretty sure the only reason it looked as good as it did was because my dad was always trying to out-do his sister who lived across the river in a double-wide. Hers was a very nice, color-coordinated double-wide, with full skirting and tip-outs. But according to my father it was still a “goddamned trailer.”      

My dad worked at a glass shop a block away. There was a vacant gravel lot between the shop and that three-story tire store/warehouse, and two tiny old houses between the warehouse and our place. His commute was better than that of a modern day “telecommuter” – his 30-second walk provided a little exercise and just enough separation between work and home to give him a decent “work-life” balance.

The glass shop was essentially our “second garage.”  We spent tons of time there when we needed to do big projects that required more space and the big air compressor. I have fond memories of that place. We painted our old Ford pickup in that shop…twice.  We did multiple overhauls on multiple engines for motorcycles, snowmobiles and lawnmowers, and we rebuilt at least one transmission in that space - all on nights and weekends after my dad had spent a solid 40 hours working. Who knew a glass shop would be such a good place for honing cylinders and grinding valves?  

I was in that shop with my dad and friends Lloyd and Wes the day Elvis died. And it was there where my dad and I had a big one sentence talk about “the birds and the bees” after my teacher sent me home with a note to advise the class had viewed the sex education film that day.  “Well, if you need to know anything about any of that shit, you just let me know.”  Thanks, Dad. 6th grade was so awkward.

Nobody seems to remember exactly when, but a Siamese cat showed up at the shop and didn’t want to leave. She didn’t need a new pane of glass for her cathouse - she was lost. My father took a liking to this adorable thing and offered up a little food and some attention.  

An exotic animal like this must certainly be someone’s pet. Perhaps it crawled from the back of a station wagon when its human came to get a makeup mirror fixed?  “Someone will come to get her” my dad explained as he poured Friskies into a makeshift serving dish fashioned from a decorative glass block.

After a couple days and no reports of a missing cat, Red decided he’d take this thing home. It would be easy to retrieve her should the owners come looking, and it couldn’t live at the shop anymore because the manager was allergic.

I was maybe five or six years old and hardly qualified to name a pet, but for whatever reason my parents gave me the opportunity so I decided her name should be Susie.  Where that came from I have no idea…it’s not like Susie was the name of a famous movie star, super model or even a family friend. In retrospect, and knowing her personality, that name was way too plain and simple for this enigmatic feline who had few characteristics typical of a domestic house cat. Susie was my spirit animal, and honestly I think she belonged in a circus.

She was a curious cat. Susie didn’t like milk, refused to eat Tuna, and loved the vacuum cleaner.  At least once a week my dad would spend an hour grooming her with the old Filter Queen, a beige-colored canister unit the size of a modern day shop vac. She’d come running the second it was brought out of the closet and would lie down in front of him, letting him suck her tail into the tube before extending her legs spread-eagle style waiting for the suction to take away whatever excess hair she would otherwise shed onto the carpet.  

Susie didn’t use a litter box. She’d hang by the back door and would announce with a polite meow when it was time for her to do her business.  Even if it was ten below zero she’d go outside.  The smell of her fur when returning from the frozen outdoors was something I wish I could bottle – I know I’d make millions on that magic scent.

We had a clothes hamper at the bottom of the stairs where she’d hide until we walked by. Then like a Jack-in-the-Box she’d pounce and start gnawing on your Achilles tendon. You’d think we’d have gotten used to it but it was always somehow a surprise.

My father would tease Susie by wagging a finger until she exploded and jumped from the floor into his arms.  She’d purr like the engine of a freshly rebuilt Mercury Cougar until she decided she was done with it, then without warning those beautiful blue eyes turned into fire, the fangs came out and she swiped with a vengeance.  Felines are so fickle.  

Canine Kryptonite.

Susie was like one of the guys. Far from being feminine, she wanted nothing to do with girlie things and could outfox and outrun any of the dogs in the neighborhood. She was far more masculine than Lloyd’s dog, Velvet, who played with rocks. She was far fiercer than Grandma’s Chihuahua, Cubby, and she had bigger balls than Aunt Kathy’s French gay male poodle, Shante.   

Neighbor Doug had a police dog, a German shepherd that looked like Rin Tin Tin. Susie scared the shit out of him – he knew to steer clear when she was on patrol.  

Susie and our cock-a-poo Peanuts loved to watch my dad and I work in the garage. They had a favorite spot on a 4-foot-high wooden ladder. The dog would sit on the top rung while Susie hung out on the tray intended for the paint can. Peanuts usually slept. Susie, on the other hand, paid close attention.  She was probably taking notes on how to operate the equipment and would be preparing a report for her alien overlords on the mother ship.

My brother and his wife were school teachers in the far-away lands of the Tri-Cities in Washington state. Just like the Egyptians, my brother’s wife had a thing for cats.

I recall one trip when they came thru town with a bizarre hairless cat like Mr. Bigglesworth from the Austin Powers movie. This cat and Susie had a lot in common (both being exotic and suitable for the circus) and Gloria fawned over Susie.  I can only imagine how pissed-off she had to have been, having spent thousands on exotic cats imported from breeders.  And we got ours for free because she was essentially a homeless drifter, rescued at the glass shop.

“Turn Me Loose, Set Me Free…Somewhere in the Middle of Montana.”

It made little difference where we were going, but on the weekends we just had to get out of town. In the summers we’d pack-up the pickup, hook on the travel trailer and head to a campsite somewhere. Whether a forest service campground or a gravel parking lot in a town 20 miles away it didn’t really matter - my dad just had to escape. Maybe something about the glass shop and our house being so close together didn’t provide the separation from home and work that he had hoped for? Hell, I don’t know…

Susie and my dog knew the routine: they’d wait patiently near the back door at 5:15 PM every Friday after work as we prepared to embark on another adventure. Peanuts knew instantly where he would sit in the cab of the truck between my mother and I on the bench seat. Susie usually jumped up onto the dashboard where she could sun herself and enjoy the view.

Susie was a swimmer - not to be left on the sidelines when the guys went fishing, she would jump in the water, “cat paddling” to the rubber raft floating out in the lake.  A cat that swims? Yes. And she would jump in the bathtub every so often.  This cat was crazy.

Once on a trip to Canada with my Aunt Ruby we met an Australian woman who really took a liking to Susie. When we went to leave the cat was nowhere to be found and my dad was convinced that the Australian chick had stolen her. She insisted she hadn’t, and joined our search party.  After an hour of panic and calling her name we’d almost given up. All the while she was in the tree directly above us, sprawled out with her legs hanging over the tree limbs. Immediately upon hearing the truck start she started meowing. Twenty-seven seconds later she returned to the dashboard and international peace was restored.

“Too many motors.”

My mom had reached a breaking point. “We have too many motors,” she exclaimed, slamming down the glass of “Chillable Red” she just filled from the box.  She then took a drag from a Newport menthol and promptly called the Tribune to place an ad in the classifieds.  We’d be having a big garage sale that weekend, to offload some excess items with engines that included at least one lawnmower, a go-kart, and the Honda 50 mini-bike I’d outgrown.  

Other goodies for sale included a collection of my mother’s hand-made doilies - you know those round frilly things that go underneath lamps or get used as an emergency potholder just once until you burn the shit out of your hands?  And we’d be offing a ceramic cookie jar, a creation of “Kathy’s Busy Bee Ceramics,” the studio for which was in a trailer next to the one my Aunt Kathy lived in across the river. This cookie jar was in the shape of a Christmas tree.  I hated that effing thing, especially when it sat on the counter well after the season was over.  I thought, but didn’t dare say out loud: “It’s not Christmas in July for Christ’s sake – so let’s get rid of this goddamn thing.”

The Garage Sale attracted all kinds of bargain shoppers including one family who arrived in a 1971 Plymouth Satellite Sebring station wagon plucked right from a Brady Bunch episode, complete with wood grain paneling, driven by a woman with a black bouffant hairdo and looking a lot like the country singer Loretta Lynn.

Susie got bored hanging out on the paint tray on the ladder and decided she’d explore the mysterious world of the Plymouth. It was warm, with strange smells and plush carpeting.  Its humans were different, and there were “stink sticks” (incense) from the Import Depot. A leftover wrapper from Burger Master smelled interesting, but after wondering “Where’s the Beef” she quickly went to sleep in the Sebring.  Nobody took notice and Susie went for a ride for a while, cruising the Garage Sale Circuit all over town.  

Of course she woke-up and started howling. She was not for sale. The kids wanted to keep her, but she wanted nothing to do with them now. She was agitated, and wanted to get back to her native habitat where she could guard the roost - even if it had too many motors. Those motors belonged to her and she needed to watch over them.

They had to back-track, returning to all the garage sales in reverse order until they found us. “Is this your cat?” asked the Loretta Lynn look-alike.  Susie was returned annoyed and unharmed.  Like a wayward teenager busted drinking at a party and retrieved by her parents, she was reluctant to show any emotion and quietly leapt from the tailgate of the Plymouth and returned to the paint tray on the ladder in the garage.

“Houston Means that I’m One Day Closer to You.”

In my junior year of high school I took my first trip on an airplane to see my sister who lived in the northern suburbs of Houston.  It was around Christmas of 1982 and I’d finally go inside a real building taller than ten stories.  I’d go to NASA where astronauts would say they had a problem if there were one, and I’d shop at a fancy shopping mall with an ice rink inside. Everything was fascinating and I tried not to stare, but I’m sure I made a quite a spectacle and an embarrassment of myself.

When I left Montana there was snow on the ground and it was maybe in the 10s. Since I was in the blistering hot warmth of Texas, I could get a little tan before returning to the frozen tundra up north. The neighbors had to wonder WTF as they looked through the shutters at some albino kid wearing shorts and laying out on the side lawn in the middle of winter.  It was maybe in the low 60s the day I tried to tan.

At the mall with the ice rink I remember looking for stuff you just couldn’t get in Montana.  I was kind of bummed I couldn’t find the platform tennis shoes like those worn by Stewart Copeland of the Police, but I did buy a cool, slightly “off color” dark-comedy cartoon book from one of the novelty stores there. I’m not sure what motivated me to buy it other than wanting at least one souvenir from Texas, and the book was easy enough.

Later that night I called home to check-in.  I was having a great time, and I told the parents I’d see them in a week. This town was fascinating and it was fantastic to be in a “real city” with 8-lane freeways and tall buildings and radio stations that played more than classic rock or country.  

“Your cat’s been moping around, so we’re going to take her to the vet.”  This message didn’t really alarm me.  Susie was getting old, but she was bullet proof. 

When I got back to Great Falls a week later I was greeted at the door by Peanuts but no Susie. “She was sick so we had to put her down” said my father as he fought back the tears. “She had feline leukemia” my mother said.

It was a bit of a shock, but really….Susie was no spring chicken (I think she was at least ten years old at that point) and it’s not like it was devastating.  Cats die. We all die.  And it’s not like I hadn’t thought about it.

Oh, and what was the name of that book I bought at the shopping mall with the ice rink?

“101 Uses for a Dead Cat.”

Maybe I shouldn’t have bought the book?

[punsandfuturekingsmen]

talesofnovembria​:

It wasn’t necessary for him to be there when she pulled herself back out of her own gate, but appreciated having him there to help steady her. Leaning over a headstone was probably not going to be the best in terms of posture. She leaned against him, letting him mess with the contents of the chicken while she focused on getting her body back to a stable setting.

She had raised an eyebrow with all the preparation he was doing. That was likely something she didn’t know about, not having cats, nor were there being any in the army. He seemed to know what he was doing, and when he made not of it to her, she gave a nod of her head. Made sense to get rid of that if it wasn’t any good for the cat.

Once the cat started digging into its meal, Salena pushed herself off Arthur, standing up straight again.

Ears suddenly flicked when the voice rang out behind them. Her head turned, eyes narrowing as they followed the old woman’s movements. It wasn’t hard to tell that she was undead of some kind, and given her human look, it probably wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume she was some kind of spirit. Her tail began to raise behind her, just as a precaution. Looks could always be deceiving.

She blinked at the cat’s name, though she found her eyelid’s falling down, giving off a look of disappointment, “That is about as ridiculous as ‘Stinky’, ‘Princess’, and ‘Mr. Bigglesworth’.”

She paused for a moment, contemplating what else the woman said, “Yes, I’d imagine it would be pretty difficult walking everywhere, though nevermind the face that you could probably get around another way.” Then again, there was still a lot about the nature of spirits in this world that she didn’t know about. If this woman was anything like Lewis, she may still believe certain aspects of morality.

“?” Arthur shot a quizzical glance at Salena when she spoke, but the woman laughed and it stole his attention. “I suppose you’re right, young lady. But I’m not oft to do that. Floating feels so terribly rude when everyone else is walking, you know.”

Arthur blinked, gaze flicking between the two of them. “Oh-- you’re--.” He paused, searching for better words, but the woman picked up the slack in his pause.

“Dead. As a doornail, sweetie.” She beamed with a remarkable casualness to her voice, that only left him blinking more. “Much nicer than arthritis. Though it is lonely too. You two are the first who haven’t run screaming on sight, besides Missus Sophie.” The woman stooped, to pat the head of the cat, who was still aggressively inhaling every morsel in the bowl. “Knew you had to be good kids when you fed my darling. So I thought I’d say hello.” With a lightness befitting a spirit, she leapt up, to rest like a perching sparrow on the stone of her grave. “Can I do anything for you two, now?”

[purrcraze]

Sphynx Cat Personality – 18 Facts You Must Know!

Have you ever come across the “E.T.” of the cat world? Well, you are going to learn a lot about this special creature today!

Yes, the hairless Sphynx cat is known as E.T or more specifically the naked aliens of the cat world, and this is for the obvious fact that Sphynx cats are the odd one out of the several breeds that are usually defined by their beautiful and shiny, long or short fur coats.

Although Sphynx cats may seem to be moody and unfriendly, they are actually quite intelligent, inquisitive and unusually people-oriented.

Without stalling further, here are 18 things that you should know about a Sphynx cat’s personality:

1. They are stunning animals

Not everyone will agree to this since Sphynx cats are hairless, and the thought of a hairless feline is usually not as appealing to some people looking to adopt a furry pal. The Sphynx cat is ‘the example’ of fascinating morphology of a feline.

If the hairless features of this breed put you off, their runway model cheekbones, big bat-like ears, and the beautiful skin folds will captivate you. You may have noticed that their skin often appears to be wrinkled, and the ripples create a beautiful shape on their body.

They usually do not have any eyelashes or whiskers, which allows you to pay more attention to their highly expressive, almond-shaped eyes, and whisker pads. For this very reason, a majority of non-cat owners and even cat owners find this breed unappealing or referring to it on a more extreme level as ugly.

However, these unique features of a Sphynx are what set them apart from the other cat breeds and distinguish their personality.

2. They are also referred to as the “Velcro Lap Cats”

They are not into being petted vigorously, or even being carried, which is why you may want to leave them on the ground to “walk the walk”, and not carry them forcefully or pet them when they are not in the mood.

However, they do love the human laps that provide them with a warm and comfortable surface to cuddle in. This has earned them the name “Velcro Lap Cats”.

They prefer to lay on a surface that is warm and soft rather than on the floor. You may also commonly find them on the top of a television or computer monitors, tucked underneath the blankets or basking in the warm rays of the sun near the window panels.

3. They are fast learners

Do you remember the movie, Austin Powers and the Sphynx that played “Mr. Bigglesworth”? Well, that Sphynx, Ted Nudegent, was specifically trained to sit still for up to 45 min in a scene while the actors surrounding him screamed and Mike Myers petted him.

Since he was a show cat, he was used to having several people around him, but your Sphynx is not a show cat, i.e., until you train him to do so.

Sphynx cats are fast learners. They are less moody unlike other cats, and once you get them engaged, they will be by your side 24 / 7. So, if you are planning to teach them a game of fetch, you are in luck since Sphynx cats tend to learn at a very fast pace.

This is because they are very people-oriented and do not like to be left alone. If you are big on teaching tricks to your pet friend, Sphynx can be your most reliable pet pal.

They do not just respond to your cues but participate actively, making you more interested in teaching them. This is also one of the reasons why they make for amazing show cats and look adorable in any outfit you dress them in.

4. They are extremely friendly

They may share the name ‘the Great Sphinx of Giza’ but they are nothing like the statue. As mentioned earlier, they are sociable, playful and loving animals.

Once you start playing with them, you may get tired after a while, but your pet friend will make sure that you are on your toes and not slacking somewhere.

One of the reasons Sphynx are so friendly is that they rely on their owners to keep them warm and since friendlier cats may be selected for breeding.

In fact, a recent study published in the Journal of Veterinary Behavior ranked Sphynx cats as one of the most affectionate cat breeds in the world.

They are also very friendly to other pets. You will not see them making loud, ear-scratching noises when you take them with you to the park or invite a friend with a feline companion.

This makes them less territorial and a fun pet to live with. You cannot imagine the fun and amazing snaps you can upload on Snapchat once you see they have made friends!

5. They are a living chatterbox

Sphynx cats are well known for being noisy. Since they are known to be people-oriented, they communicate to their owners using a repertoire of squeaks, chirps, and whines.

You will be amazed to know that the Sphynx cat responds to you in an annoyed tone if you disturb her while she is resting. You can actually make out from her squeaks and chirps that she is talking back to you, saying “why do you not let me sleep, Hooman?”

6. They have a hearty appetite

These chatterboxes are not just for talking or complaining to you. When they are not expressing themselves, they are filling up their tummies. Sphynx cats have heavy appetites, or you may say an enviable metabolism.

So, if you want to keep your pet healthy, you need to have a budget that meets your cat’s needs. This means you need to buy quality cat food, and plenty of it to make sure it does not go to bed hungry.

The eyes are probably photoshopped

7. They do not like to be alone

Unlike most cats that will not mind if you go out on a date and leave them behind, Sphynx cats want your attention all the time. Even if you have been planning for that isolated hot shower after a sweaty routine at the gym, you will find your Sphynx clinging to the edge of the tub.

So, if you think you can have a few minutes alone in your bathroom… Think again! You may also notice their unblinking, piercing eyes responding to you, “I don’t think so”. The amazing part is that they can even open doors.

On the other hand, if you are not home most of the time, you can have a pair so that they can give each other company.

8. They do not like to go out

Sphynx cats are classified as indoor pets. While we recommend that cats should not go out unsupervised, you need to be extra careful when it comes to hairless cats like the Sphynx breed.

Apart from the fact that they can get dirty easily since their body oil forms a thick greasy layer over their coat because of the lack of a thick, protective coat, they can also get a sunburn.

Most cat owners use a cat-friendly sunblock when they want to take out their Sphynx cat, however, we recommend that you better keep your Sphynx occupied indoors rather than taking them for a walk.

9. They are curious by nature

Sphynx cats are known to live by their curiosity. Since they are quick learners, they tend to understand every situation by exploring it.

Their curiosity can put them into potentially dangerous situations, which is why it is a good idea to keep your Sphynx close to you even if you have decided to take them out for a walk.

10. They are very active and playful

Sphynx cats are known to be alert and highly active pets. Having an acrobatic structure, they make for sporty pets and do not get tired easily. They are capable of entertaining themselves, but if you are as active as them, they do enjoy a good game of chase or fetch.

Most owners regard them as a constant source of entertainment and refer to them as “elf-like”. You will even find them to be adventurous since they love challenging activities like climbing to higher surfaces or chasing bugs (It is adventurous for them!)

11. They have a strong temperament

In addition to the distinctive features, Sphynx cats also hate changes. This means that they like to be on a schedule and do not like any deviations. So, you need to feed them on time every day.

You also need to make sure that you keep your furniture movements to a minimum since they dislike new surroundings. In fact, changes around Sphynx can cause anxiety, so it is best to establish a routine and stick to it to avoid stressing your Sphynx.

12. They are high maintenance pets

One thing about your Sphynx may amaze you is that they are high maintenance. While most cats do not like to be bathed or groomed, taking care of your Sphynx is more of their need rather than something you will have to force them into.

You are wrong if you think they will not need a frequent bath since they do not have fur. As mentioned earlier, while they do not have fur, their coat still produces oil which forms a thick, greasy layer if not taken care of – We, like most vets, recommend weekly baths.

The best part is that they enjoy baths and look adorable wrapped in a towel. You will even have to give proper attention to their ears and wipe them with a cotton ball or washcloth since they do not have any hairs to block dead skin cells or dirt.

13. They are well-behaved

Sphynx cats are well-behaved pets. They might run to you or call you once they hear that you are at the doorstep, but after this, you will see them quietly waiting to be taken care of or spoiled.

You will hear the cry for food occasionally, but even that will not trouble you a lot. Since they are friendly, they do not create a fuss when new people come and go, and behave as if they were the host, and not you!

14. They do have cat allergies

Although there are several rumors that Sphynx cats are immune to allergies, THEY ARE NOT! They do produce D1, a protein that causes allergic reactions in humans.

15. They are loveable, adorable and the most exotic cats you’ll ever own!

The 14 points above must be enough to convince you that the Sphynx cat is an adorable creature. Once you bring one home, you will feel that your life is so much fuller since the Sphynx cats do not give you time to wander in your loneliness.

They will win you over with their affectionate dispositions, exotic looks, and playful personalities!

16. They are NOT hairless

Do you know that Sphynx cats are not actually bald? Yes, we heard your “Whaaat”…

Most of the breeds of Sphynx have little to no hair, but you will spot not even one that is hairless. They are actually covered by soft, downy-like, fuzzy suede that is not a fun experience at first but it grows on you.

It will feel like stroking the softest leather you have ever felt. You will also be surprised to know that Sphynx do have patterns and color on their skin, similar to other breeds of cats, just without the hair, which gives them their unique appearance.

17. They do not cover their …

Another fun fact about Sphynx cats is that they do not like to cover their poop in the litter box. It is indeed gross, but imagine the time you’ll have to spend cleaning their litter box, considering they have a huge appetite.

Now, does that sound funny to you? Good luck with this task, though!

18. They are pretty healthy

They are also very healthy pets and live for about 13 to 15 years on average if given the right attention and care, and also meeting their dietary needs.

One disease they are prone to is Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, which results in shortness of breath, reduces blood flow, causes lethargy, and also increases swelling in the legs.

Breeders are well aware of the health conditions of the Sphynx cat and so, they keep them warm from a very young age to protect their respiratory functions.

[hockeyytrash]

Alaska - Chapter Twenty Three

-2600 words-

Every Wednesday night is trivia night back home at my dad and my favorite sports bar. The two of us would make the ten-minute drive every week religiously, sitting in the same booth, ordering the same meal, and picking the same team name.

So as I sit here in a high-end restaurant with Auston, ready to play a low-end game of trivia, I am reminded of home. Luckily, the amount of Wednesdays I've spent answering trivia questions helped me get good at it and hopefully prepared me for tonight.

The waitress had already brought out our food, as well as the tablet we would using for trivia. Another waitress came over the sound system to announce the start of the game and explain the trivia. Basically, you have twenty seconds to answer each question and can't use your phones. The questions would span over a wide variety of categories like history, sports, and geography.

"For those of you playing trivia, please choose a team name, before we start," the waitress/announcer says. I glance at Auston who, like me, was digging into his meal. He looks up at me and gives a shrug.

"What should our name be?" I ask after finish chewing my food. He shrugs again and wipes off his mouth with a napkin.

"I don't care, you pick," he says, taking a sip of his water. I smirk and begin tapping away on the tablet. He did tell me to pick...

Satisfied with the name, I clicked enter and sat back with a satisfied smile. I go back to clearing out my food until the announcer announces that the game is starting.

"First question! Where was the first Hard Rock Café opened?"

I immediately turn to Auston who finally tears his focus away from his food. I think I know the answer, but I want to see if he has an idea first. I give him a questioning look as I take a sip of my champagne.

"Definitely New York or Las Vegas," he says, followed by a confident bite of steak. I shake my head in disagreement.

"I'm almost positive it was London," I say, running over any other possibilities in my head. He frowns and gives me a wary look.

"Are you sure? It kinda seems like an American thing," he says.

"Ten seconds!" the announcer hollers, sending me into a small panic. Ignoring Auston, I type London into the answer box and hit submit. Auston gives me a worried look as we wait for the results to appear on the big screen.

"The answer is... London!"

I smirk and look back over at Auston with a smug expression. He rolls his eyes, acknowledging that I was right. I down the rest of the champagne in my glass then place it back on the table with a smile. The announcer clears her throat before moving onto the next question.

"What color hair was associated with prostitution in ancient Greece?"

The announcer repeats the question as I look at Auston expectingly. My mind started going over all the possibilities, and I could tell Auston was doing the same.

"It's definitely either red or blonde," he says, resting his forearms on the table. I nod in agreement, independently debating between red or blonde hair. Auston suggested we use blonde for our answer, so I quickly type it on the tablet and hit submit.

"And the answer to our second trivia question of the night is... blonde!"

The announcer continues to rattle off questions, most of them proving to be easy for Auston and me. Most of the questions were centered around either history or entertainment with some asking for actors in various movies. However, the announcer did say that the questions may begin to grow in difficulty towards the end.

Maybe an hour after the game had started, the announcer pauses to gather everyone's attention.

"This concludes the preliminary round of trivia. Only the top three teams will continue on for a chance at the prize. If you hear your team name called, you are in the finals, which will consist of four questions," she says through a smile, "Your finalists are: CC & Frank, the Hotshots, and the... uh, Pens Fanatics?"

The smile on my face widens, and Auston groans, holding his head in his hands. Somehow he isn't nearly as pleased with our team name as I am. I can't imagine why!

"You told me to pick," I say, shrugging with an amused smirk. He rolls his eyes and pushes his now empty plate towards the end of the table. I stack my plate, rid of all traces of food, on top of Auston's for our waitress to collect before straightening in my seat.

"For the first question of the finals, what author created Middle-Earth?"

Auston and I turn to each other and nod, unanimously agreeing that we know the answer. He grabs the tablet and begins typing. He stops after a few seconds, flipping the device around so that I can see it.

"I think there are two Rs," I suggest, wracking my brain for a visualization of the correct spelling. I never read the Lord of the Rings books, but I have seen all of the movies. My dad used to love watching them.

"I thought it was one!" Auston says frantically, eyeing the countdown on the TV. I look up to the lights strung from the ceiling as if they would tell me the answer.

"10 seconds left," the announcer booms, obviously too close to the mic. My eyes widen at Auston, hoping he would remember something.

"Should I submit it?" he asks, but I shake my head.

"No! Add another R," I say, trusting my gut instinct. Thankfully Auston obeys and adds the extra letter. We wait in suspenseful silence for the correct answer to be announced.

"The answer is... J. R. R. Tolkien!"

Auston releases a breath of relief, as I do the same. However, we still had two more questions to answer before we could celebrate.

"Next question! What is the name of Dr. Evil's cat in the Austin Powers movie?" the announcer says, causing my heart to drop a little. I had absolutely no clue what the answer is. For all the other questions, I at least had a general idea what the answer was.

"Please tell me you know this one," I say, turning back to Auston with a worried expression on my face.

"Already submitted it," he says with a proud smirk. I raise my eyebrows at the speed of which he answered with and allow myself to crack a smile. A minute later, the announcer reads off the answer.

"And the name of Dr. Evil's cat is... Mr. Bigglesworth!"

Auston begins to beam, obviously proud of his answer. I shake my head, still wondering how that came to him so quickly.

"How did you get that so quickly?" I ask him, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"The Austin Powers movies are my favorite," he shrugs after taking a sip of water.

"There's more than one movie?" I ask him, causing a twisted expression to appear on his face.

"You haven't seen them?" he asks, holding his chest as though I had just seriously harmed him. I shake my head, not expecting what his reaction will be.

"That's it! We have to watch them sometime," he says with a smile that makes his cheeks look chubby. I would be lying if I said he didn't look cute like that.

"Sounds like a plan," I reply, genuinely excited by the idea of having a movie night with Auston. I just hope he was being serious. Jesus, what is happening to me? I used to hate the guy and now I'm wanting to watch movies with him? I really am turning soft.

My eyes linger on Auston's for a moment longer until our waitress diverts my attention away when she sets another glass of champagne down on the table for me. I glance at her, confused at the refill of bubbly because I don't recall ordering it. She smiles and points at a blonde seated across the room.

I follow her outstretched arm to see Steph sitting with an older lady that looked like an older version of Steph, obviously her mom. Steph turns, probably sensing all of our eyes on her, and winks at me while taking a sip of her drink. I roll my eyes and thank the waitress, causing her to hurry away.

Of course, Steph is here, why wouldn't she be? Might as well have invited the whole Leafs roster because Lord knows that word of our date will be making its way around to everyone we know now that  Steph has spotted us. I'm sure I'll be getting a swarm of texts from her with questions about the date. However, I'll worry about that later.

"Your next question deals with a bit of geography... what U.S. city is located on the Allegheny, Ohio, and Monongahela rivers?"

Smiling immediately, I snatch the tablet from Auston and type the answer in record time. He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly questioning either speed or confidence or both. I take a big sip of the champagne, courtesy of Steph because I'm obviously not going to waste it. As I continue to sip the bubbly alcohol, I hold up my index finger as a way to tell Auston to wait.

"Alright, the answer is... Pittsburgh," the announcer reads off the card. Auston shakes his head, realizing why I answered so quickly. I smile and shrug, taking a final sip of champagne.

"Do you miss home?" Auston asks, catching me slightly off guard. I piece together my response in my head before speaking.

"So much," I answer, "and it's not that I don't like Toronto because I do. It's just that I miss my old friends and my extended family. Not to mention my dad. I miss him the most."

"I take it you and your dad are close?" he asks, looking like he truly wants to know the answer. It's a trait of Auston's I've started to notice. He's very observant and is a good listener. He makes talking to him so easy.

"Yeah, we are. As lame as it sounds, he's  like my best friend. We have all these inside jokes and rituals. For example, every Monday was sit-com and Chinese day, while Thursdays were pizza and Star Wars day. However, every day was always hockey day. My dad was a hockey fanatic, so naturally, he got me hooked as well. He would go insane if he knew I'm friends with the Maple Leafs," I ramble, hoping I wasn't putting him to sleep with my sappy nostalgia.

"It's not lame at all, Alaska. I think it's awesome that you're so close with your dad," he says, smiling to show his white teeth. I return the grin, a warm feeling forming inside of me all because of this short, personal talk. My eyes focus on Auston's face whose features appear softer, due to the dim lighting. And in this moment I could kiss this confusing boy.

However, the giddy announcer seems anxious to keep this trivia game going, judging by the speed with which she moves onto the final question.

"And now, the final question asks for the music group that has received the most Grammy awards," she says with a tight smile.

"Any ideas?" Auston asks me with a concerned look on his face. I run over a list of possible answers, none sticking out to me.

"I don't know, you?" I ask, hoping he has at least one good guess. He shakes his head, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Maybe the Beatles?" I suggest, not very confident in my own answer.

"That doesn't seem right," he says, looking around the room for a sudden burst of inspiration. I do the same, allowing my eyes to rake the room for a clue. We didn't sit here for two hours just to go home empty handed.

"10-second warning!"

"Okay, what about U2?" Auston suggests with a hesitant expression. I mull over the idea for a moment before deciding that it's probably our best bet.

"Yeah, go for it," I say, gesturing for him to enter it in. He does, pressing submit a second before time is up.

"Alright folks, the answer to our final trivia question is... U2!"

Auston stands up and lets out a cheer while I throw my arms in the air and celebrate in my head. Other customers look at us like we're crazy, but we don't mind at all. Hell, we just won trivia!

However, just before I get a chance to congratulate Auston, the announcer interrupts, once again.

"There seems to be a tie between CC & Frank and the Pens Fanatics. That means we are going into overtime! That means the first group to answer correctly wins! We'll start in one minute," she says excitedly. This must be the most interesting part of her job.

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaim, but only loud enough for Auston to hear. I can't believe we didn't win, or at least not yet.

"It's alright, Laska," he says calmly, "Do you want to type or should I?"

"You should probably do it. Knowing me, I'll mess it up," I say truthfully, suddenly nervous. Auston nods and slides the tablet over to his side of the table.

"Your tie-breaker question asks... how many designated faceoff spots are there on a hockey rink?" the announcer booms, causing me to immediately whisper yell 'nine' to Auston.

He frantically taps a few buttons on the tablet and looks back up to the announcer, waiting for her to announce the winner. I do the same, saying a silent prayer and pleading for a victory with my eyes. We both hold our breath when the announcer picks up the microphone again.

"And the winner is the Pens Fanatics! You've won a free night in the penthouse at the hotel! Congratulations!"

Auston and I immediately stand and awkwardly hug each other from across the table. A moment passes before we realize what's happening and pull away. However, we both can't stop smiling for some reason.

"So are we actually actually staying in the suite tonight?" I ask him, a little curious about how this was all going to pan out. His face lights up and his smile quickly forms a smirk. He only breaks the smirk to answer my question with yet another question.

"Why would I pass up a free night with you?"

[dstrachan]

‘VIEWS FROM THE EDGE’ - w/c 2nd March 2020

The Doobie Brothers 'Evil Woman'

Santana 'Evil Ways'

Generation X 'King Rocker'  

Richard Thompson 'Blackleg Miner'  

Uriah Heep 'Salisbury'

Penetration 'Don't Dictate'  

Johnny Wakelin 'In Zaire'

Common & John Legend 'Glory'  from OST Selma

Yello 'The Race'  

Lesbian Bed Death 'Evil Never Dies'

Angelica Infante 'Te Estoy Provocando'

3 Days Later 'Guinea Pig Dreams'

Faithless 'Flyin' High'

Jerry Hull 'Tally Ho Mrs. Bigglesworth'

Robert Severin 'Crimson Burned In The Night'

Not Now Norman 'Little Frankenstein'

The Warehouse Announcement 'Sound Of Drums'

Le Woodsmen 'Keep On Running'

Roy's Iron DNA 'Get You Off'

Stillhound 'Dreamed Up'

Samantha Mumba 'Body II Body'

Fred Neil 'Green Rocky Road'

Riding The Low 'Meet Skanker'

Joy Division 'Digital'

Happy Mondays '24 Hour Party People'

Buzzcocks 'Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)'

[adrianjenkins952wblr]

The Ten Most Ridiculous Things “On the Blockchain”

The Ten Most Ridiculous Things “On the Blockchain”

By Ben Munster Technology•9 min read•Feb 1, 2019Feb 1, 2019

When you put a thing “on the blockchain,” you’re not actually putting it “on the blockchain.” Nothing is “on the blockchain.” The “blockchain” doesn’t exist. Instead, what you’re really  doing is “notarizing information about a thing using a database distributed across a network of nodes, which is sometimes called a blockchain.” Or perhaps you’re “fragmenting data about a thing into non-fungible digital assets that can be traded, via a distributed network called a blockchain, for ERC20 tokens.” But those are far less catchy, so everybody just says “on the blockchain” instead.

So here we go—”The Ten Most Ridiculous Things On the Blockchain.”  

For this list, we’ll explain a) what each thing is, b) whether the thing is actually  “on the blockchain,” and c) how ridiculous it is. We chose them by scrolling endlessly through Google and through our own hearts. We also asked internationally reviled blockchain hater David Gerard what he thought.

We had one rule: the phrase “on the blockchain” needs to have been associated with the thing listed. (Except the many items where we broke that rule. Sorry.)

The items are ranked from least to most “on the blockchain.” (Most of the scores are all very low, obviously.) We hope you like it.

1: “Democracy on the blockchain”

What is it?  Swiss Blockchain startup Agora said it put the Sierra Leone voting system on the blockchain.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  No. Agora “observed” as voters at 280 polling stations submitted paper ballots. Agora then recorded those results independently on a distributed database. So it’s actually…”a copy of the election results from a small minority of polling stations stored on somebody else’s blockchain ledger.”

How ridiculous is it?  Not ridiculous, just an abject lie.

“On the blockchain” level:  0

2: “Estonia on the blockchain”

What is it?  Estonia’s digital infrastructure, called the “X-road,” is on the blockchain! It distributes the country’s vast data troves across regional lines, which makes it more efficient.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  No. And not only is it not literally “on the blockchain,” it’s not even in anyway tangentially  “on the blockchain.” In fact, blockchain isn’t involved at all. X-road runs through a distributed system—not a blockchain—developed by software firm Guardtime. Perhaps the confusion stems from Guardtime also producing “enterprise blockchain solutions” among the other many things it does which do not involve blockchain.

(Meanwhile “e-Estonia,” a metonym for Estonia’s tech scene but also somehow a website, claims to have put “national health, judicial, legislative, security and commercial code systems” on the blockchain. Not much evidence for this, though.)

How ridiculous is it?  X-road has been working pretty well for a while. But it’s not on the blockchain.

“On the blockchain” level:  0 

3: “Babies on the blockchain”

What is it?  It’s the “first blockchain baby,” of course! A firm called AID:tech tracked an unborn baby’s progress during its gestation period using blockchain.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”? No. “Anonymous, unique identifiers” about the baby are held partially  on a “blockchain ledger,” but also partially on a “traditional Structured Query Language (SQL) database that is encrypted and not accessible by the blockchain,” and is not itself a blockchain.

How ridiculous is it?  The data harvested is used to flag up vulnerable women for charitable donations—which can be misallocated or stolen when the books are centralized. Not necessarily a good idea, but not a ridiculous one.

“On the blockchain” level:  2

4: “Cryonics on the blockchain”

What is it?  If you’re already immutably preserved in ice, why not immutably preserve yourself on a blockchain, too?

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  Sadly, “cryonics company” KrioRus is (was) actually just selling digital tokens to raise funds for its cryogenics research which it believes will one day be applicable in, er, space.

How ridiculous is it?  Chillingly.

See also:  Russian startup Synthestech put (but also didn’t) “cold fusion”—i.e. alchemy—on the blockchain.

“On the blockchain” level:  2 

5: “A bit of a Picasso painting on the blockchain”

What is it?  Startup Maecenas has put a “Picasso painting on the blockchain!”

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  No. What’s really happened: investors have bought shares of the painting that have been distributed digitally and stored on the Ethereum network. It’s the difference between owning a Picasso, and owning a receipt for a Picasso.

How ridiculous is it?  John McAfee endorsed it.

“On the blockchain” level:  3

6: “Literal oranges on the blockchain”

What is it?  The geniuses at IBM did it again! A “literal orange” now resides sur le blockchain.  Look, there it is! The literal orange, sat astride a Chain of Blocks.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  All oranges—unless otherwise stated—are “literal oranges.” And in this case it should  have been otherwise stated, because there are no “literal oranges” on the blockchain here. There is rather a receipt of facts about the oranges’ route from China to Singapore, each representing a point on oranges’ supply chain, written onto a distributed ledger.

How ridiculous is it?  Not very. Apparently it reduced the time needed to transfer “critical shipping documents” from seven days to just “a second.” But someone get a journalist to double check.

“On the blockchain” level:  3.5

7: “Scott Scheper’s cat on the blockchain”

What is it?  XYO founder Scott Scheper says his “cat” is on the blockchain.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  Not really. The cat, Mr Bigglesworth, wears a bluetooth brooch around his neck, which transmits data to the Ethereum blockchain. At best, he’s wearing  the blockchain. But he’s certainly not “on” it.

How ridiculous is it?  Bigglesworth receives “XYO” tokens in exchange for the data transmitted to the blockchain. Scheper believes the funds raised should be used to support animal-based charities.

“On the blockchain” level:  4

8: “Roomba on the blockchain”

What is it?  Spineless crypto rag Decrypt  recently blared that somebody had put a “Roomba on the blockchain.” A blockchain USB device plugged into the Roomba allows it to “pay” its docking station for electricity. This could plausibly be useful for electric cars, and stuff.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  No. Closest would be “the Roomba is fitted with a USB device that supports various distributed ledger technologies and smart contracts.” But who would click on that?

How ridiculous is it?  Not ridiculous. Just morally indefensible.

“On the blockchain” level:  4.27899

9: “Society on the blockchain”

What is it?  Bitnation is reportedly putting “society” on the blockchain. Specifically, new societies formed from people with aligning interests who may be otherwise marginalized by the rest of us. So Kurds, LGBT people, bollard enthusiasts—and indeed any under-represented group—are given the tools to create and administer their own opt-in online dominion. Blockchain supposedly makes these resistant to censorship.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  Inasmuch as “society” is a giant filing system, it is plausible that Bitnation could  put society on the blockchain. If all birth certificates, credentials, administration, constitutions, etc. were uploaded to a blockchain, and then legal and administrative processes were then automated  by that blockchain, you could  say,  technically, that society is on the blockchain. But that leaves out culture and love and life and music and swimming against the swelling tide of hot sunlight that hits you as a get off the plane at LAX on an unseasonably warm winter’s day and…you get the idea.

How ridiculous is it?  It’s only ridiculous if you think libertarians shouldn’t be able to self-organize into censorship-resistant enclaves.

See also:  Bitnation putting “love and marriage” on the blockchain. (But actually just uploading a digitized marriage certificate to the Ethereum network.)

“On the blockchain” level:  8

10: “Your last will and testament on the blockchain”

What is it?  “DigiPulse” tracks your social media accounts, and if you stop using them for a set period, it assumes you’re dead and passes on your assets to your next of kin.

Is it actually “on the blockchain”?  Yes. And because  the system is truly “on a blockchain,” it requires an “oracle” to feed it information about meatspace. Hilariously, this “oracle” is DigiPulse chief Norm Kvilif, who emails you to double-check that you’re dead.

How ridiculous is it?  Deadeningly so.

“On the blockchain” level:  10 but that’s not a good thing.

Ugh.

Who knows, though? Maybe we’re just being pernickety and the preposition “on” is far more malleable than we’re giving it credit for. Do we take issue with “on the internet?” Nobody is literally standing on top of “the Internet.” But it still makes sense.

Yet we remain convinced that there is a difference. There is semantic trickery at play. One would never say “oranges are on the Internet,” or “Estonia is on the Internet.” It would be something like, “you can buy oranges on the Internet,” or “Estonians are using the Internet to….WHATEVER.”

Nothing—besides DigiPulse, which is now defunct—is on the blockchain. Use words properly.

The end.

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