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restlessmaknae · 2 years ago

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fragile red roses [leedo]

The opera house might seem all glamour and glitter, but not when it’s overtaken by a mysterious phantom who’s also trying to keep you away from Gunhak.

➳ Characters: Leedo x female!reader/you (as Raoul and Christine)

➳ Genre: romance, angst, mystery, the phantom of the opera au (based on the 2004 movie)

➳ Words: 5.1k

➳ Warning: due to the happenings in The Phantom of the Opera movie, there will be mentions of bodily deformation, strangling a person, childhood abuse and swords

➳ A/N: dedicated to @dat-town! 💖💖💖 Wishing you the happiest bday with many more Leedo gym selfies!

When Gunhak saw you again for the first time, you were in a beautiful white dress, your voice brighter than the diamonds around your neck, mesmerising everyone in the opera house including himself.

He had never thought that he would see you again, not after your father had died, and you had disappeared along the first breeze of the spring, making him wonder where you had gone. He couldn’t have known that you had ended up as an orphan, being taken in by a dance teacher who had given you a home and a purpose in the ballet dormitory. Since then, you had kept on singing like your father had wanted you to, taught by the Angel of Music, and you had been doing ballet like your saviour had taught you.

You might have been childhood sweethearts, but for anyone as young as Gunhak, you had appeared to be an angel; a wide-eyed, curiosity-filled, quiet-voiced little girl who had always been so kind to him. You had played together by the beach, building sand castles and running away from the waves when they had come close to the shore, and time had gone by so fast. Too fast for Gunhak’s liking as you had gone in a blink of an eye, left without an explanation, so had your father.

He couldn’t have known at that time, but it had come to light later on that your father had died, and you had moved away. Rumours had gone around town where you had gone, to whom you had gone and why your father had died, but only your lack of presence had been on Gunhak’s mind, nothing else. He might have been young, but you had left such a lasting impact on him that he had found himself wondering about you on sleepless nights and the tranquil moments of dawn even years down the road.

So for him to see you after all these years at the opera house his family was supporting, it felt like a miracle. He could have never mistaken you for someone else; you with your bright, firefly-like eyes, heart-shaped face and oh that beautiful voice, too! He had been mesmerised even when he had heard you sing all those years ago, but now, he was totally speechless, his heart hammering rapidly while his body was totally stiff, frozen in time.

When your solo performance came to an end, he was one of the firsts to stand up and clap, and his bewitched state didn’t leave him for the rest of the play. After it finished, he was quick to get to his feet, trying to reach your dressing room in peace, hoping that you would remember him, but he was constantly stopped by spectators of well-off families who asked about him and his parents, not to mention the buzzing opera house managers who couldn’t stop thanking him for funding their work.

“It’s the talent of the performers that should matter, not the rumours surrounding the opera house,” Gunhak replied diplomatically, referring to the story of the opera ghost ruining plays, threatening people and making everyone fear coming to work. He was rumoured to be living in the catacombs under the opera house, and he was said to be the reason the previous lead actress had thrown in the towel, making you the star of the show. Not that Gunhak minded, honestly.

After manoeuvring himself through the crowd of people, he finally managed to get to the backstage area, and was led the way to your dressing room by one of the assistants. He hesitated for only a brief moment before knocking on your door, seconds seeming like an eternity before you gave him the green light to come in.

You were staring at a single red rose in your hand when he walked in, only looking up to meet his eyes when he spoke up.

“Oh, little y/n, just how much you have grown!” Gunhak exclaimed with a nostalgic smile, and for the smile that spread on your lips, it was already so worth it to make this visit. For he knew very well that you remembered him.

“Gunhak!” You called him immediately, and oh, how sweet it sounded rolling off your lips. He was kind of hypnotised, just staring at you with a smile plastered on his face while you were listing off all the things you had done as children from the picnics in the attic to the time he had secretly taken a box of chocolate from his family’s kitchen, your enthusiasm making him believe that you remembered him just as well as you did so.

However, when you brought up the Angel of Music, and how your father had said that it would visit you when he would be gone, he was brought back to reality, to the here and now, to the fact that you reunited again, so he couldn’t miss his chance this time.

“You really do sound like angels,” he confessed, triggering a pink hue on your cheeks, but gosh, wasn’t it the most beautiful sight? He didn’t know you could have this effect on him even more than a decade later, but it’s probably because you had never even left his mind ever since. “Should we go out for dinner tonight?” he asked tentatively, knowing all too well that you might have needed some time to recharge after the show.

You smiled though, letting him know that you would be ready in a few minutes, and he reassured you that he would wait patiently, and wait for you in his carriage when you were done.

Little did he know, you would go missing that night, visited by the Angel of Music; the one he thought was just a metaphor for your father staying with you in his afterlife, not the actual opera ghost coming to take you to his underground lair.

Gunhak didn’t think too much into your words of being visited by the Angel of Music until the time the opera ghost demanded you to be the lead actress in the next play, and that came after you had gone missing. He was convinced then that the Angel of Music had to do something with the ghost, and Gunhak kept you close for that reason, wanting to protect you from all the bad just like he wished he could have done so all those years ago.

How could he have not done so? You were so precious to him, and finally, the old childhood memories were replaced by present memories, constantly being created in tranquil walks in the nearby park, heartfelt conversations in your dressing room, sunset watching by the river and listening to you sing whenever you felt like it. He loved the passion in your eyes whenever you were singing, he loved that he felt like your hearts connected and he could see a new side of you each and every time. He didn’t even miss a single play of yours afterwards.

However, as the opera ghost became more and more demanding and violent, Gunhak felt the need to protect you more and more, offering a place in his accommodation instead of letting you stay in the dormitory, too close to the ghost for his liking. He wanted to keep you safe and sound because he loved you, and when you confirmed that you did too, he didn’t need much thinking when he asked for your hand.

He might have been afraid you would think that it would be so fast, so out of the blue, but the days and nights you spent together were proof that you loved him just as much, and time seemed to go at a different pace when you were around him. So he plucked up his courage, and asked the question, hands slightly trembling but still very much sincere, and when you said yes and hugged him, he felt like he could take on the world.

Little did he know, the opera ghost had a saying in this, too.

When the masquerade ball took place where he would have liked to announce your engagement, and the lights went out, the atmosphere completely shifted. Confused, people looked at each other until a man in a burgundy coat showed up at the top of the stairs. Gunhak squinted his eyes to see better who it was, but when he noticed the white mask covering half of his face, his blood ran cold.

“It is true then…” He breathed out, watching acknowledgement flash across your face. It was him, the opera ghost, coming to ruin the masquerade ball. It was him, the Angel of Music, or the one you thought to be the one, the one whose control under you shattered. “I’ll call for help,” he whispered to you immediately, running away to look for security guards nearby or anyone who wasn’t too shocked by the revelation and the appearance of the ghost to actually help out.

His heart was in his throat as he was looking around, glancing at the grande scene in the ballroom to follow the events from time to time. He gave up when he saw that the ghost was walking straight to you with his sword in his hands. Even though you always pleaded that the Angel of Music would never hurt you, he wasn’t so sure about that. Not after the ghost had strangled a person in broad daylight, in the middle of an opera play.

Gunhak fled to the scene, ready to disarm the ghost when the phantom grabbed the engagement ring on your necklace and ripped it off. It happened so quickly, he couldn’t even take a step forward before the ghost had already evaporated, leaving only a single red rose behind to prove that he had ever been there.

Gunhak stepped over the red rose, scurrying to your side, gently touching your shoulders to shake you out of the trans you were in.

“Are you okay?” He asked, making sure that you hadn’t been harmed while he had been looking around for help. You nodded, albeit a bit uncertain, and he covered you in his coat immediately, taking you outside, taking you away from the ball and all the remains of the Angel of Voice.

Little did he know, you already had multiple of those red roses in your dressing room that had been delivered by the opera ghost himself because he had never stopped coming by, he had never stopped hoping that you would might love him back, and he had been all too jealous that you had been engaged to Gunhak. You had a feeling that he wouldn’t stop until you gave him what he wanted, but how could you have told your fiancé?

So you just smiled, thanking him for his attentiveness, and kept the words to yourself.

Gunhak saw the torment you were in, and it broke his heart. The way you spoke so gently about the Angel of Music, the way you adored and idolised him with so much awe, the way you clinged onto the hope that he was really the one your father had sent you after his death… He wished he could have understood it, but all he saw was the man who had vandalised the opera house, who had killed a staff member in cold blood and who had manipulated you, taking you into his lair time and time again, asking you to love him and be his, even making wedding dresses for you and dolls that looked like you. How could he have just stayed still after everything? He wanted to protect you. No, he needed to protect you.

So he had a plan. After you had begged him not to take the phantom’s life when he had engaged in a duel with Gunhak, he knew that killing the opera ghost was out of the question. Hence, capturing him and locking him up to keep him away from you and others he might be able to hurt would be the best. He had connections, so gathering policemen wasn't that difficult, but guessing when the ghost would show up again was more difficult. At least until the phantom made a request to have one of the plays he had written performed with you as the lead singer no less.

Gunhak had this deep, eerie feeling that the phantom would arrive, but he tried not to show it when you were so delighted that you could be the lead singer, and you had practised so hard for the night of the play.

He was cheering you on while you were practising hard for the night of the performance, yet he couldn't help but be wary of the upcoming day. He wasn't sure if the opera ghost would show, and if he did, what would he do? It seemed that man was capable of anything wicked until he got what he wanted. In this case, it seemed that he wanted you to be the star of the opera house - which wasn't the problem itself - and to be his for the rest of your life while letting you be deluded into thinking that he was the Angel of Music - which was the problem.

Gunhak tried to be patient and understanding because he saw how the phantom had kept you safe so far, but at the same time, so much chaos erupted since the phantom had showed up and became notorious for ruining the lives of the staff and the relationship you two had. Gunhak could have understood if the phantom had loved you and cherished you from afar, but to want to make you his despite being someone else's fiancée already? That was beyond him.

Nevertheless, the young man tried his very best to be as supportive to the very end as possible because that's what the man who loved you would do instead of tormenting you. Hence, with a bouquet of flowers, he showed up at your dressing room before the big show, and tried to cheer you on.

“You will do great! I’m sure of it,” he reassured you after asking about how you were feeling, reciprocating your excited smile albeit a bit forced. How could you smile so bright and unaffected when the opera ghost had been more and more violent lately? Did you think that he would be so lenient with you this time as well? He wasn't so sure, that's why he was so worked up, but he trusted you. He wanted to trust you.

Nevertheless, Gunhak tried his best not to show how his nerves were acting up. Instead, he embraced you tight and didn’t let you go until you chuckled.

“I think you can let go of me now, Gunhak,” you mentioned lightly, but his heart was anything but light. He let you go either way, letting his arms fall back to his sides, suddenly feeling empty

and soulless. If anything happened to you that night, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Never…

"Good luck, little y/n!" He called you by your childhood nickname to ease his nerves and to create a somewhat lighter atmosphere, and it seemed to work for you laughed and blushed, shushing him away before he could ruin your make-up even more with the way he oh so smoothly talked to you (and how well he masked his anxiety!).

However, the show must go on as they said, and the performance had to be displayed despite the obvious tension in the air. Gunhak had policemen stationed around the opera house, and there were a few more guards inside to oversee the performance and whatever disruption might actually happen. He and the managers worked hard to ensure everyone's safety, but what no one could have expected was for the opera ghost to sing a duet with you in place of the lead tenor sometime around the middle of the performance. Gunhak rose from his seat indignantly the moment the masked man showed up and immediately stood close to you as if he just wanted to grab this chance to be with you.

You appeared so unaffected and so honoured, Gunhak had no idea whether it was your acting that was excellent or whether you actually didn't mind singing a duet with someone like the phantom of the opera. He was truly speechless, and while the men waited for him to give a signal, he didn't actually know what to do because if the phantom only wanted a duet, then what was he supposed to do? On the other hand, what if he actually became violent while being interrupted? He couldn't risk your safety, not when the phantom was so close to you.

So he signalled the men to stay alert without actually interfering, and waited for the end of the performance. He had to be honest that you and the phantom did a good job, it was an excellent performance, but he was so jittery throughout the whole song that he couldn't quite enjoy it. It was beautiful yet also quite grotesque.

When the duet came to an end, Gunhak was even more on alert than before, but before he could realise what was going on, it was already too late.

You unmasked the phantom, and taking the guests' surprise to his advantage, the phantom then grabbed you and abducted you through the hole in the floor. Before he did that though, he cut a string of the grand chandelier's chains to make sure that no one followed him.

No one really could because the chandelier fell from the ceiling right onto the guests, and then somewhere along the way, even fire broke out. Gunhak knew that the best way he could keep you safe was by following the phantom even if it meant risking his life. What would his life be without you though? Also, how could he let you live with the phantom or even be abducted by him just like that? He couldn't do it, he just couldn't sit still.

"Hurry, help evacuate the people!" Gunhak exclaimed as guards rushed by. It was truly horrifying what a sight the phantom left behind, what pain and destruction, but if he didn't go after you, the phantom might do the same to you.

So while the guards helped evacuate the people, the young man and a few policemen set out to hunt the phantom down; they formed smaller groups until eventually Gunhak was left alone, trying to find the phantom and you... Of course, you!

"Damn it!" He punched into the wall furiously, truly hopeless as to where you could have gone. The fire had already spread, so it was bad enough, and people were screaming and bawling - both guests and performers crying over what could be lost if it couldn't be contained -, so he was feeling indigenous already. All kinds of scenarios ran through his head as to how it could end, but he tried to stay hopeful even if it seemed almost impossible at that moment.

He attempted to map out the layout of the opera house, raring his brain to guess what could be under the main stage and how he could get there. He was honestly clueless, but he couldn't stop despite police men leaving him already to help evacuate others.

That's when a strict female voice called, startling Gunhak. The young man immediately turned, facing your ballet instructor and once saviour.

"He has a lair in the catacombs. It's not impossible to get there, but it's dangerous," Miss Park warned him, and there was so much he wanted to ask, he didn't even know where to start. Instead of wasting time and asking how she knew about it and how she had found Gunhak, he got straight to the point. Staying cool-headed until the very end would only do him good.

"Where should I go?"

"This way," she motioned to the dark corner on the left. "You will find the canal down there, but keep on swimming, and you will get to his chamber," she said so nonchalantly that he wondered how she kept so calm and in control when Gunhak himself felt that the world had turned upside down. His world definitely did so.

"Thank you!" He exclaimed in a hurry, already making his way down the way Miss Park had told him. The woman watched him leave with a bittersweet smile, reminiscing of the time he had met the phantom when he had been a mere child, displayed in a circus for the way he had looked. His keeper had called him the devil's child, but Miss Park had seen the fear and the longing for love in his eyes. Too bad people only saw him as the terrifying phantom, not the once beaten and loveless child.

While Miss Park was making her way upstairs, Gunhak was doing the opposite. He thrust himself into the canal's water, swimming as quickly as he could, the hope of rescuing you numbing the ache in his muscles. He swam and swam, and it seemed like an endless route, and he almost felt like he should give up, the opera house was in an uproar and on fire after all... But then, he saw your face and heard your voice, the memories of your time spent together as clear in his head as never before, and moved forward.

Eventually, he reached some old bars and saw you on the other side. It seemed like a lair really, rocks used as chairs, mirrors, masks and silks covering every surface. There was a boat by the rocks, the one which the phantom had probably used to travel down the canal, and there you were, sitting on one of the rocks with the phantom singing to you, and if that wasn't enough, you were in a vividly white dress with a long gown. Was it a wedding dress?

"Y/n!" Gunhak called desperately, but instead of you calling out his name, it was the phantom who spoke up.

"Dare you come closer, you will regret it!" His harsh voice reverberated from the walls, making Gunhak shiver in fear. You, on the other hand, seemed bitter, almost resigned. What could he have missed?

"Please... What do you want from her? I can give you anything, just not y/n!" Gunhak pleaded, trying to appear more composed than he actually was. The phantom snickered, and it sounded like a wicked threat as his voice bounced off the walls.

"I only need her, and now that you're here, I can make my suggestion. If you want to live," he began as he pointed his fingers at Gunhak. "She has to marry me."

Gunhak's blood ran cold. He couldn't believe his ears. She would need to give up her freedom for his safety? No. Never. He couldn't allow that. You were his whole world, he couldn't let it happen. He would rather die than to see you suffer or to be chained to a monster like him for the rest of your life.

"No! Y/n, please, don't do it! I would rather die," the young man pleaded, but then you called him by his name again and again, and he lost it. He began swimming towards you, trying to make his way around the bars, but it was difficult to get through. However, Gunhak was determined, and he couldn't be stopped.

"No, Gunhak, please, it's not worth it!" You asked of him, practically begging, but it only amused the phantom further.

Not having any fear for his life, only yours, Gunhak kept going and going, almost reaching the shore of the rocks when you quickly closed the distance between you and the phantom and kissed him. Gunhak froze, unable to comprehend what had just happened, why had it happened. Did you make your choice of wedding the phantom? But how could you do that?

"Y/n..." He whispered, bewildered, but he wasn't the only one who was flabbergasted. The phantom himself was also taken aback, wide eyed and almost touched - if he could do such a thing -, blinking at you in surprise.

"I've only feared your malicious acts, not your appearance. Especially not your voice," you started, voice barely above the whisper. Even though Gunhak feared where this was going, he stayed quiet for you seemed so determined. "But please... Understand that I can't love you like that, I can't be yours the way you want me to."

You were so understanding even to the very end, your kind heart shining through the darkness in the lair, your voice carrying a certain amount of hope. You looked the phantom straight into the eyes, lips curled up gently, and Gunhak's heart broke seeing you in such a state. You were practically pleading to a man who had endangered you and many others so many times before as if you had done anything wrong.

The phantom didn't say anything for the next few moments. In fact, it seemed that he was even more angered by your words than before, so when he exclaimed, Gunhak wasn't sure he had heard it right.

"Go!" The phantom bellowed, yet seeing the way you and Gunhak both remained frozen, he raised his voice. "Go! Get away from me!"

After that, you didn't need to be told twice, neither did Gunhak. He reached the rocks, grabbing your arms and took you away with him, not looking back for a second. You, on the other hand, glanced back from time to time, watching as the phantom turned away, covering his face with his arms.

Maybe the phantom did have a heart after all, he just wasn't good at showing it.

Gunhak didn’t know what exactly changed the phantom’s mind that night. Maybe it was the fact that you were ever so willing to kiss him if it meant that you could save Gunhak, or maybe he realised that if he were to hurt your husband, you wouldn’t look at him the same way ever again.

Whatever the case might be, you two could finally move on. From the horror stories, the grasp of the opera ghost and all the consequences his obsession came with. Even though Gunhak had always been careful and cautious and it didn’t waver after the incident in the underground lair, peace finally seemed to fall over the opera house, the city and you two as well.

You and Gunhak continued to have a long and beautiful marriage filled with many wonderful moments, moments that felt like magic, like eternity and tasted like happiness. The man often wondered if he had left his heart with you when you had been young because he could be himself only when he was beside you, but then, he was the happiest man on Earth. He wanted to reciprocate that too, making you feel like the happiest and luckiest woman on Earth, let it be with his protective actions, thoughtful behaviour or words that felt even more special coming from him because you knew that he wasn’t the man of words most of the time.

He was sometimes a bit too overprotective, but after what you had been through, you could understand him. He also worked out a lot to be able to protect you physically as well, and so that he wouldn’t need to rely on anyone else, and while managing the opera house’s affairs, he could keep an eye on you, so it put his mind at ease. You never failed to amaze him with your passion and dedication for music, and he never failed to amaze you with how quickly he picked up on your feelings, even if you tried your best to hide what you were feeling. You complemented each other well, no wonder it was a harmonious, loving relationship, one where arguments were scarce yet very much needed to deepen empathy and strengthen your relationship.

You had an admirable career as well, and after you retired from playing yourself, you started teaching the juniors who came to the opera house. You gave vocal and dance lessons, and you enjoyed it thoroughly - your smile after every single day triggered a gentle one on Gunhak’s lips, too. He continued working in business, but he couldn’t deny that his favourite client was the opera house you worked at, the place where he had met you again.

Eventually, however, your bright light faded out, and Gunhak was devastated by your loss despite knowing that you lived a long and fulfilling life, one that you wouldn’t have exchanged for anything else. In the loving arms of your long-time husband, you were smiling when you closed your eyes for the last time, and that was the sight that was buried into his mind despite it being some time already.

He never failed to visit you time and time again though, standing on his cane beside your grave and telling you about how life was without you, what happened in the city, and what the weather was like. Things that an old man would find extraordinary about his rather ordinary days.

That day was no different, at least, not until he noticed a freshly laid rose on your grave with a ring attached to it.

“It can’t be…” He mumbled to himself, his voice coming out raspy as he was leaning towards the grave. It was a burgundy rose, one that could have been given by anyone, but Gunhak knew exactly who it was from, especially because of the ring attached to it.

He looked around, eyes searching for a distinctive figure somewhere around, but he was welcomed by the hostile breeze only and a few rustling leaves that were carried by the early autumn wind. The phantom was nowhere to be found, but the rose indicated that he was still alive and loving you.

Right then and right there, he didn’t even mind because the phantom let you love each other without interfering for decades after that fateful night, so letting him love you in the afterlife seemed like what he deserved. He knew that you would have wanted him to feel this way too, without hatred towards the creature under the opera house, so he did just that, walking away from your grave with a lighter heart.

A/N: Thank you for reading my story! If you’re interested in other fics of mine in the future, consider signing up for my taglist here. ❤️

A few words about the story. This story isn’t 100% like the 2004 movie. The movie has quite a few plot holes that I’ve tried to fill here, plus this is told mostly from Gunhak’s (aka Raoul’s) POV whereas the movie is mainly based on Christine’s storytelling. Also, when I had the idea for this (because of ONEUS’ Road To Kingdom intro stage), I initially wanted to write this as phantom!Gunhak, but as I rewatched the movie, I realised that I would feel uncomfortable writing it like that; by implying that Leedo is in any way grotesque. On top of that, I felt like the protective character of Raoul’s fit him more.

Again, this isn’t the movie, and I had a bit of a hard time trying to write this based on a musical where dialogues are scarce, so the dialogues in here aren’t actually the ones from the movie. I’ve also changed some plot lines, but I’ve tried to do justice to the original story in some way nevertheless.

Either way, I hope you’ve enjoyed it! (Kathy, I don’t know if you were team Raoul or team Erik, I just knew that you like the movie, so I hope you enjoy my little gift!) 💖

Hope you have a lovely day/night! ❤️

#oneus scenarios #oneus imagines #ficscafe #oneus x reader #oneus x you #leedo scenarios #leedo imagines #leedo x reader #leedo x you #oneus fanfiction #oneus angst #leedo fanfiction #leedo angst

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ameliora-j · 3 years ago

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twin flame iv // gw x reader

words: 1.5k

warnings: smut (finally), fingering, size kink, tummy bulge, light degradation, creampie (all acts are consensual!)

an: this is seriously so short i apologize. but alas it is here :) one more part after this and twin flame will be finished ahhh

part one | part two | part three

you and george had been sitting on the floor of your old treehouse for nearly an hour now. the silence consumed you as you stared into his brown eyes and he stared right back into your own yec one’s. no one spoke a word. no one moved an inch. the silence was all-consuming. deafening.

“yn?” he finally breathed in a whisper.

“hi georgie…” you murmured nervously.

“what are you doing here?” he asked.

“i came to get you,” you shrugged one shoulder. “fred told me you weren’t in contact with anyone and i knew where you’d be. so i came. be… because i wanna talk to you,” you told him.

george nodded and you slowly shuffled forward on your knees. “george i’m sorry. for a lot of things actually, but to sum it up, i’m sorry for not being open about my feelings for you. i was too scared to tell you that i’m in love with you because… i-i didn’t wanna ruin us. what we have is so so good. and i wouldn’t trade it for the world georgie. you mean absolutely everything to me. and if i lost you then i’d lose myself. but i guess i just didn’t realize that by not telling you… then in the long run, i was losing you anyway,” you told him. george bit his lip and you shuffled even closer.

“i wish you would’ve just ruined it,” he told you. “because fuck, yn. i’m so in love with you that it’s absolutely unbelievable. you consume me. you live in my head rent free. you’re everything and more to me. i’m so fucking in love with you that i’m at a loss for words. you wouldn’t believe the things you do to me. i want you to make you mine forever,” he told you.

“i want to be your’s forever georgie,” by now your knees were touching with as you both continuously inched towards each other. your lips were a hair’s breadth away from his. you could feel his breath fanning over your face. george was the first to break, lurching forward and finally connecting your lips.

passion burned and fireworks exploded as you moaned into his mouth, allowing him to shove his tongue into your mouth and go on an adventure. your hands roamed from his sunset orange locks down to his broad shoulders and finally to the buttons on his shirt, fumbling around with them. he pulled away as you got to the last button. “been waiting so long to do that,” he murmured as you pushed his shirt off his shoulders and he pulled your’s over your head.

“do it again,” you whispered breathlessly. he didn’t waste a second, gripping you by your bottom and pulling you on top of his lap as you began to heavily make out again. your hands roamed his broad chest and accentuated abdomen before finally tangling in his hair as his hands found home on your ass, kneading and squeezing. “want you georgie,” you whimpered as he moved to press open mouthed kisses down your neck, leaving hickies in his wake.

“you can have me, butterfly,” the nickname made you outright moan as you ground yourself down against his hardening member. he fumbled around with the button of your jeans before unbuttoning and unzipping them, dipping his hand into your panties. you moaned as he ran two fingers through your slit and you bucked into his hand.

his kisses moved to your covered chest as he dipped two fingers into your heat, curling them and instantly finding your gspot. “more,” you moaned.

“take it off,” he motioned towards your bra and you quickly obeyed, reaching behind you and unclipping it. immediately, his lips attached to your nipple as his thumb came up to toy at your clit. you whimpered again and he chuckled as he gently teased your nipple with his teeth.

“wanna cum georgie,” you whimpered.

“go ahead, butterfly. not stoppin’ you,” he muttered as he pulled off your right nipple before turning and giving the left the same attention. one drag of his teeth over the sensitive bud and you were done for, making a mess of your pants as your cum gushed out onto george’s hand. he fucked you through it before pulling his hand out and sucking his fingers clean. “fuckin heaven,” he moaned as he pulled them out with a pop. “better than i ever imagined.”

“wanna suck your cock georgie please,” you whimpered.

“next time princess,” you couldn’t hide the smile at hearing there’d be a next time. “need to feel your sweet little cunt wrapped around me. take the rest off,” you nodded, quickly ridding yourself of your jeans and panties as george did the same. he gently laid you on the makeshift bed he’d set up, climbing on top of you and positioning himself at your entrance. “ready butterfly?” he asked.

“give it t’me george,” you murmured, wiggling your hips for emphasis. he slowly pushed into you, and you squeezed your eyes shut, moaning at the stretch. you reached your arms up and squeezed his biceps tightly as he bottomed out. “need a second. s’big,” you murmured softly.

“take your time butterfly,” he whispered as he leant down and placed gentle kisses on any and all inches of skin he could find.

you nodded finally after a few seconds of preparation. “okay… okay go,” you told him. george slowly pulled out before thrusting back in, effectively hitting your gspot. “there,” you moaned. he smirked slightly as he slowly fucked into you. “fuck georgie it’s so big,” you moaned.

“yeah butterfly?” he mocked slightly. he ran his hand down your left leg before lifting it, placing it over his hip for a better angle. your back arched into him and you bit your lip. “fuck baby, so little. see myself in y’little tummy,” he marveled as he pushed down on the imprint of his cock in your lower abdomen.

“want more georgie. more please,” you begged.

“greedy little thing,” he hummed as his hand made contact with your clit, rubbing in tandem with his slow, rough thrusts. “love you so much butterfly,” he murmured into your neck.

“love you too georgie,” you moaned softly as your eyes rolled back into your head. “wanna cum please,” you whimpered.

“look at me when you cum butterfly. cum with my,” you nodded rapidly, opening your eyes as he pressed his forehead against your’s. “cum butterfly, now.” with his explicit permission, you let go. moaning out his name loudly as you slipped over the edge, cumming on his cock as he bottomed out, and pumped you full of his cum.

he stayed inside of you as you both came down. it was a few minutes before he slowly pulled out. you hissed slightly at the burn as you felt his warm cum dripping from your overworked hole. he fell on the pile of blankets next to you as he pulled you into his chest. you rested your head against his pectoral as you played with the chain around his neck. after a few minutes of silence, you began giggling. “what’s so funny over there, butterfly?” george asked with a smile.

“we just fucked in the treehouse our dad’s built for us when we were kids,” you giggled. he began to laugh with you as he kissed your head.

“you’re more than just a good fuck, butterfly. you’re the love of my life,” he told you.

“your twin flame,” you smiled as you kissed his jaw.

“my twin flame indeed,” he smiled down at you.

two weeks had passed since you and george’s endeavor in your childhood treehouse, and you were now both back in the apartment above the shop. you had even gotten your job back as cashier and manager. you were in george’s room, readying yourself for the day. you brushed through your hair and buttoned up your shirt, tucking it into your skirt before walking downstairs. “morning yn!” fred greeted.

“morning freddie,” you smiled as you poured yourself a cup of coffee.

george snuck up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your cheek. “morning butterfly,” he smiled as he kissed your cheek.

“morning georgie,” you giggled.

fred mocked a gagging noise. “you guys are even more insufferable now than you were when you were arguing,” he joked with a playful eyeroll.

“oh you love us, freddie,” you teased with a smile.

“loving you less and less the more i hear your noises. the walls are thin!” he called as he made his way downstairs to the shop.

“so… date tonight?” george asked. “after work. we’ll leave early,” he told you.

“and leave freddie all alone?” you asked with a small pout.

“oh he’s got angelina butterfly. he’ll be perfectly fine,” george waved you off.

“okay fine, date tonight then mr. weasley. don’t be late,” you winked over the brim of your coffee mug.

everything was perfect. back in place. back how it should be. you were back at the shop, living with fred and george. you called the younger twin your boyfriend, and you were happy.

the cosmos were aligned. and the universe was on your side. in the end, love won. the universe decided to pour gasoline onto your twin flame. she expanded it and it was now exploding and bringing upon a future for you and george that was even brighter than your flame.

and you couldn’t wait for that future to begin. it sure as hell was bright.

add yourself to the taglist

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years ago

Text

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Two: Reference Guide

A quick guide for everything I intentionally referenced in The Six Siblings, Part Two: This Tale is All Sorrows and Woes.

{ao3} {tumblr} {part one reference guide}

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING - the plot twists from this section of the fanfiction will be discussed at length.

Without further ado…

Chapter One / Prologue - in which Lilac has to Older Sister

“Release Nick, you fiend!” Violet tackled Klaus to the ground, as both of her brothers burst into giggles. “Never! Nick’s my prisoner of war!” Klaus said, trying (and failing) to push her off.

Nick being the “captive” in the childrens’ game throughout the chapter is a bit of an obvious foreshadow to his captivity from Chapters 12-20... which meant it was really fun when none of you noticed until then and then tried to kill me. XD

A full reference of the books namedropped in the childrens’ game:

Violet and Nick’s kingdom, Terabithia, is from Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson. Their original characters, either Susan/Lucy and Peter/Edmund, are a reference to The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis.

Lilac and Klaus’s kingdom, Gwyntystorm, and their characters, Irene and Curdie, are from The Princess and the Goblin and its sequel, The Princess and Curdie, by George MacDonald.

Lilac says she thought Nick was Eragon, from The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini, and Klaus says he was Aragorn, from The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien. Nick’s suggestion for a new name, Glaedr, is also a character from The Inheritance Cycle. Nick finally decides to be Peter Pan, obviously from Peter Pan by JM Barrie.

“Naw, they definitely are.” Nick nodded. “When a new baby is born, one of the other children has to die. Everyone knows it.” [...] “Now, since it’s a girl maybe, they could take out one of them,” he gestured towards Violet and Lilac, “But you’re the most useless, Klaus, so-” [...] “But yeah. Babies suck and we should totally throw our sister off the roof.”

Direct reference to Addams Family Values (1993)

“Watch me.” Nick’s eyes lit up. “Wait, no, better plan. You guys remember Moses-”

Reference to the story of Moses, who was placed in a basket in a river as an infant.

Lilac quickly answered the phone, saying, “Baudelaire residence. This is Lilac Emily. To whom am I presently speaking?”

Lilac’s middle name is taken from her actress, Emily Browning.

“We’re sensible and proper!” Nick added.

A reference to S Theodora Markson’s catchphrase in All the Wrong Questions.

“What was that, Dad? No, no real ropes. Yeah, promise. We’ll go to bed on time, too. But you’ll all be back in the morning? Yeah, I know. Don’t open the windows.”

The Baudelaire parents don’t want to risk their children getting recruited.

“He said we have a new sister.” Lilac reported. “Solitude Theodora Baudelaire.”

A direct reference to S Theodora Markson.

“Can we make a blanket fort?” Klaus asked. “Like we used to?”

Much like the last prologue, this is a reference to the scene from the 2004 film.

Rest of the fic under the cut.

Chapter Two - in which the Baudelaires move into a nice Shack

As he stood, Nick turned to look at his brother, and after a second, he realized something. “Wait a minute.” he said. “Are you… taller than me?”

A reference to Louis Hynes’s growth spurt inbetween TMM and TAA in the Netflix series. (Though, fun fact, at this moment in time, Liam Aiken is currently taller than Louis Hynes, so I guess Nick eventually does end up taller.)

Violet groaned and stood, and Solitude said, “Winnie,” which meant, “We could have Babbitt judge; they’re good with numbers!”

A reference to the main character of Babbitt’s namesake, Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt.

After a moment, Nick said, “I’ll give you a tip.” “Yes?” Nick smiled slightly. “There’s a book, about the mother of a girl who reminds me a lot of you, in that everyone thinks she is adorable and perfect. The mother gets scared when the girl’s classmate drowns on a field trip and her daughter steals something shiny off of him, and she then finds out that she has a very suspicious genealogy.”

Nick giving tips in the form of book recommendations is a reference to Lemony’s habit of doing the same thing to Pip and Squeak in All the Wrong Questions. This is a double reference, as Liam Aiken, Nick’s actor, read the audiobooks for ATWQ.

The book he is referencing is The Bad Seed by William March.

“Gah-ahc.” said Solitude, which meant, “Let’s sleep outside.”

One of Soli’s lines in the 2004 film.

Chapter Three - in which the Baudelaires make new friends

Sunny narrowed her eyes. “Armoracia,” she muttered, which meant something like, “That doesn’t sound right. Apples and Horseradish taste very differently.”

Early foreshadowing for Sunny’s cooking interest.

“I can get the windows,” Lilac said, “Should be an ordinary-enough pin-tumbler lock.”

The phase “ordinary enough pin-tumbler lock” is repeated a lot, as a reference to the second All the Wrong Questions book, When Did You See Her Last?

“Yeah, there’s no locks.” Duncan said. “Bonnie said that they fell off a few years ago and never got replaced.”

A reference to a main character from The Wolves of Willoughby Chase by Joan Aiken.

Chapter Four - in which Duncan and Isadora break into a Library

“See? Researcher. Like Klaus.” Nick said. Klaus narrowed his eyes at his twin, trying to figure out what Nick was on about. “Is that… really important?” “Yes.” Nick said, and failed to elaborate. [...] “I think Klaus and Duncan should take the fungus.” Violet said, sharing a look with Nick. “The rest of us can keep an eye out for that book.” “Why should we take the fungus?” Violet held back a smile and shrugged, but Klaus quickly figured out what was going on. His face went red, and he glared at her, but Duncan said, “I’m fine with that,” so all he could do was shrug and keep shooting his siblings dark looks.

Violet and Nick are trying to set Duncan and Klaus up, much to Lilac’s horror.

“Like a little cat.” Duncan said. “One of those feral ones that are super tiny.”

A reference to the world’s smallest cat, the Rusty-spotted cat.

“That doesn’t sound right, but I really don’t give a shit.” Nick shrugged. “We’ll find it, won’t we, Soli?”

A reference to a line from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode 5x03, “The Great Recession”, which later became a meme - “That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.”

Chapter Five - in which the children run amok at Prufrock Prep

“You’re lucky.” Isadora said, sitting on the edge of the roof and kicking her legs as she looked down at the dying grass fields. “Our parents’ estate’s executor doesn’t give a fuck until orphans are ‘in’, whatever the hell that means.”

As revealed in The Slippery Slope book, Esme was left in charge of the Quagmires’ estate.

Lilac giggled. “Yeah. Mom used to have [a necklace] just like it, except instead of these gear patterns, it had her initials. I always thought it was pretty, but she never let me wear it, so I learned how to make my own. She was… so proud.”

2004 Film Violet does indeed have a necklace throughout the entire film; I just added a backstory.

“Nick Liam Baudelaire, what the hell is that?” Lilac shouted.

Nick’s middle name is in reference to his actor, Liam Aiken.

“Marbeau,” said Sunny, meaning, “Maybe they’ve finally opened a daycare or toddler school.”

A reference to Firmin Marbeau, who pioneered a forerunner of modern daycare.

Chapter Six - in which the Baudelaires have Gym Class

“Tik,” said Sunny, meaning, “No! Typing and stapling is so hard when we’re tired!”

“Tik” spelled backwards is “Kit”, which, no, is not a reference to Kit Snicket, but Kit Kittredge, who famously carries a typewriter.

“Say goodbye to Nick, Solitude.” Lilac said, grabbing the toddler’s hand and dragging her to her feet.

Another bit of foreshadowing for Nick’s capture.

“Olil.” Sunny groaned. “Leave me alone to die.”

“Olil” spelled backwards is “Lilo”, as Sunny is directly quoting a line from Lilo & Stitch (2002).

“Speaking of which,” Carmelita said, “As this is the second message I gave you, I really deserve a tip at this point.” “There’s a book about what happens when you let a bunch of schoolchildren run around unsupervised,” Klaus said, “And it features a pig’s head on a stick.”

Once again, the book recommendation instead of a tip is an All the Wrong Questions reference.

Klaus is recommending Lord of the Flies by William Golding.

Chapter Seven - in which Nick gets them all in Even More Trouble

“I’m just telling you what I was told to tell you.” Carmelita giggled. “And since this is my eleventh message, you’re overdue eleven tips.” “We gave you our tips.” Nick said, glaring at her. “But here’s today’s; there’s a book that was made into a popular film that is about a hound dog and a fox. In the book, at the end, the hound kills the fox.”

Once again, ATWQ reference with the tips.

The book he’s recommending is The Fox and the Hound by Daniel P Mannix; and, yes, that IS how the book ends. The Hound dies, too. You’re welcome for ruining your childhood.

“Klaus?” he sounded very uncharacteristically terrified. “Klaus? Are you okay?” Klaus, startled, quickly stumbled out, “Y-yeah, I’m fine…” as Lilac and Violet also jumped up, grabbing the infants, and the Quagmires hurried to their feet. “Did your glasses break?” “No, I’m-” “Are you hurt?” Nick pulled away from his slightly, his eyes moving fast as he scanned his brother.

While Nick’s PTSD worsens much later, the first signs of it start showing here; he’s still traumatized from Klaus’s hypnotism, which was always kicked off with him getting tripped and his glasses breaking.

“I wouldn’t say that.” said Nick, glaring down at the floor. He hadn’t looked anybody in the eye since he’d attacked Carmelita.

Nick isn’t ashamed of attacking Carmelita; he’s ashamed that he “overreacted” to something so minor. He doesn’t like admitting he needs help, which becomes a problem after his capture.

“We know what homeschooling is.” Violet said. “We were-”

In this continuity, the Baudelaires were homeschooled before the fire.

“Halloween, age nine,” Isadora said, “Was when we wanted to go as a certain family of six children. The problem being that there’re only three of us.”

A reference to The Brady Bunch.

“We know you’re not asking.” Isadora said, smiling. “We’re volunteering.”

whelp.

Chapter Eight - in which Lilac Snaps

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Nine - in which the Baudelaires are given Fashion Lessons

They fell silent again, and then quietly, Lilac started to sing. She sang a song that was normally played very loud and energetic, but she gave it a slower melody, quietly soothing Sunny as they walked up and up the large staircase. It was a song about how everybody’s looking for something, and as they walked, listening to Lilac’s soft voice, they all really hoped that whoever was looking for the Quagmires would find them quickly.

A reference to “Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)” by Eurythmics, but more specifically, a reference to Emily Browning’s cover version.

“Ah, you’re very adventurous!” Jerome said. “Just like your mother. We were friends a ways back. We hiked up Mount Fraught with some friends- gosh, it must have been twenty years ago-” [...] “Hmm? Oh, no, just the Snickets and that Markson boy.” Lilac narrowed her eyes. “Who?”

“That Markson boy” is a reference to the theory that Bertrand Baudelaire was adopted by S Theodora Markson’s family. Lilac’s recognition is not of her father’s maiden name, but of “Snicket”, which she vaguely remembers from her childhood.

Chapter Ten - in which the In Auction is planned

Currently, the Baudelaires were spread out in the living room. Nick and Klaus were trying to read through a book on Emily Dickinson that they’d bought the other day, while Violet and Lilac were going through the newspaper, trying to find something interesting, or some news on the search for Count Olaf.

The Baudelaires miss the Quagmires so much they’ve accidentally picked up their habits; Emily Dickinson is a famous poet, and Violet and Lilac are reading the newspaper.

“She seems like the kind of person who’d try to set me up with some rich kid.” Nick said. “And I’m never getting married, not even when I’m older. I’m gonna live alone in the woods, and the only one who can come visit me is Soli.”

Nick is aromantic.

“Ihering!” Soli said, which meant something like, “I’ll live with you and we can raise reptiles in the woods!”

A reference to Hermann von Ihering, a zoologist.

The waiter nodded. “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” [...] “Did you say-?” Lilac began.

The waiter is a VFD agent; once again, Lilac vaguely recognizes the code phrase.

Chapter Eleven - in which Klaus finds an Ersatz Elevator

“I’m not going to let us chase red herrings!” Lilac shouted back, hurt.

Dark foreshadowing to the red herring statue.

“Solitude is,” Nick said, moving past him to find a pencil and paper, “Sunny is the albatross that curses us.” “Doom!” Sunny cheered.

A reference to The Rime of the Ancient Mariner by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

“It worked.” Violet smiled. “We never expected otherwise.” Klaus said.

A reference to the line from “The Bad Beginning: Part One” in the Netflix series.

Chapter Twelve - in which the Baudelaires fall

“Not so bad.” Solitude muttered. Then, she said, “Radec,” which meant, “Just think of it as a ride, instead of an actual fall.”

“Radec” spelled backwards is “Cedar”; a lowkey reference to Cedar Point.

“No, we’re going to make a lockpick.” Lilac said. “Flamethrower’s too volatile. Besides, I don’t trust you with it.”

“Too volatile” is a reference to the phrase being used in The Grim Grotto.

She spun on her heel, exiting out a door behind them. As she did, Nick said, “Should I go after her and tell her the kitchen was out the other door?”

Esme went to call Olaf and the henchpeople, instead of going to the kitchen.

“Yeet Babbitt.” Solitude suggested.

A reference to the vine/meme.

They had to walk through a parlor to get to the door, and as they did, Nick stopped a moment, glancing at the phone. It didn’t look broken. “Hey, guys?” he called, but they didn’t hear him, so he started to run to catch up.

Nick started to run to catch up; he never did, because that’s when one of Olaf’s henchpeople grabs him.

And then, with a swish, there was a thump, thump, thump, and the Baudelaires stopped falling.

Only three thumps- because Klaus and Lilac were carrying the toddlers, and Nick didn’t fall, only three kids hit the net.

“Nhojnod!” Sunny shouted. “You bastard!”

“Njohnod” is “Don John” spelled backwards, a reference to the character from Much Ado About Nothing, who is a bastard in both the legal and ethical use of the term.

Chapter Thirteen - in which Sunny crawls up an elevator shaft

“Sunday Theodora Baudelaire!” Lilac shouted. “You get back down here right now!”

Sunny’s middle name, “Theodora”, is once again a reference to S Theodora Markson; even after her death, she’s still confusing people about what the S stood for.

Sunny sighed and turned slightly towards them, calling out, “Salvo!” which probably meant something like, “I’m going to go get us some rope and see if I can find Nick! I’ll be back soon!”

“Salvo” is a Latin verb, meaning “to save.”

Sunny bit her lip and shook her head. “Appentier,” she said, meaning, “He’s not in the penthouse, at least from what I saw.”

“Appentier” is a french word from which “penthouse apartment” is derived.

“Kim?” Sunny asked, meaning, “Wait, we get leeway for being kidnapped?”

“Kim” is the name of the girl who is kidnapped in the film Taken (2008).

Solitude glanced at her in confusion. “Greywater?” “Yes, Soli,” Violet said, “A word which here means, ‘basically piss and shit.’”

A reference to a line from IT: Chapter One (2017).

Chapter Fourteen - in which Some Children are sold at auction

“You’d be surprised what’s legal and what’s not, actually.” Esme said. “For instance, in our society, cannibalism is legal, but religiously frowned upon-”

A reference to the only ASOUE canon that matters, the Real-Time Fandub. (part one, part two)

“Very interesting.” Olaf said. “And I suppose you think that your dear sister Lilac will take care of you then?”

Olaf is taunting Nick here, as he’s about to drop quite a lot of secrets to him, but mainly that Lilac is his half-sister.

Notably, Nick is the only Baudelaire not present in this header image.

Chapter Fifteen - in which Nobody’s having a good time

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Sixteen - in which Lilac has a bad plan

For sapphires and fortunes we are held in here. Only you can end our fear.

Isadora’s poems are ever-so-slightly different in this AU, due to Nick’s presence.

The addition of and fortunes indicates that Nick is still with them.

Until dawn comes, we cannot speak speak. No voices come from this sad beak.

“voices” is more specific than “words can”; Nick has already started to go nonverbal due to his trauma, and Duncan and Isadora are unable to yell through the statue.

Chapter Seventeen - in which the Village makes a Big Mistake

But as she passed the Baudelaires, her hand slipped, and the man turned and met Lilac’s eyes. He stared for a moment, as if he realized with a shock he recognized her from somewhere. Then, he said, very quietly, “The world is quiet here.”

Jacques is realizing that Lilac has Lemony’s eyes; if he hadn’t realized before she was his niece, he does now. He tries to signal her with a VFD codephrase.

“Now,” Lilac said, “We will need full access to all your inventing materials.” “And I’ll need blueprints of the uptown jail.” Klaus said. “Dead fly.” said Solitude.

While this is an obvious reference to Soli wanting to feed Babbitt, it is also a reference to a similar request made by Wednesday Addams in the 1964 sitcom The Addams Family, episode 1x10, “Wednesday Leaves Home.”

The first thing you read contains our clues: An initial way to speak to you.

“Our clues”, once again, signals that Nick is still with the Quagmires.

Chapter Eighteen - in which Count Olaf was not murdered

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Nineteen - in which the Twins get a Birthday Present

“You won’t keep Nick.” Lilac added. “He’ll get away from you, and the Quagmires, too! We’re never going to give up, and neither are they!” “Baudelaires don’t give up!” Solitude shouted. Olaf just smiled. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

Nick’s trauma has already caused him to shut down completely, and Olaf knows this.

Inside these letters the eye will see Nearby are your loved ones and the VFD

Nick and the Quagmires are still together.

Chapter Twenty - in which Sunny drives a Firetruck

“Nick, hey.” Isadora slowly pulled away from Violet and Lilac and stepped closer to the fountain, her voice very soft. “Your siblings found us. We were right. They found us.”

The Quagmires aren’t as traumatized as Nick; they’ve learned how to avoid the wrath of their captors, and have complete faith that the Baudelaires will save them. Nick’s been tortured and told quite a lot of things that temporarily broke him.

Duncan and Isadora shared a glance, and to the Baudelaires’ surprise, Nick flinched and also shared the triplets’ look. “Well, that’s not a surprise.” Duncan said. “He was the brother of a man who-”

Duncan, Isadora and Nick all know about Jacques Snicket, his relationship to Lemony, and Lemony’s relationship to Lilac.

Nick was backing away from the fence, eyes wide, gripping onto Solitude so hard his knuckles were white. Isadora ran forwards, and Lilac realized then that he was shaking uncontrollably. “Nick, Nick, it’s okay!” Isadora said. She reached forwards, grabbing his face. “Look at me! Look at me! Duncan-” Duncan ran over, putting a hand on Nick’s shoulder, as Nick said, “They’re going to find us. They’re going to catch us. They’re going to find us-”

A lot of Nick’s trauma came from punishments after he attempted to escape, so he goes into a panic whenever they’re about to be caught.

At that moment, Solitude pushed Babbitt onto Nick’s shoulder and said, “Hold this!” She immediately started running, jumping over Lilac and crawling through the window and onto the seat beside Sunny. Then she slid to the floor and jumped on the gas pedal, causing them to take off again.

A reference to Pip and Squeak from All the Wrong Questions, who drove their taxi in a similar way.

Klaus stared back, and then his gaze hardened, and his siblings had never seen him look so furious. “I’m going to kill them.” Klaus vowed, and he meant it. “I’m going to kill them, Nick.” Nick’s eyes widened, and for several seconds, he looked like he physically could not process what his brother had just said.

A running joke up to this point was that Nick would suggest murder and Klaus would remind him that was illegal; after seeing his brother in such a state of shock and fear, this gag drops as Klaus decides Olaf and his troupe have to die.

Chapter Twenty-One - in which Nick is not feeling great

Meanwhile, Klaus was leaning against the wall, with Nick leaning onto his shoulder, curled up so he could be as close to his brother as possible. He had his eyes shut, but Lilac knew he wasn’t asleep; she didn’t think he’d slept at all.

A symptom of severe trauma is the loss of sleep, either because of nightmares, or fear of what could happen while in such a defenseless position. This will be explored in Part Three.

Nick bit his lip, and then nodded and said, “I-I’m sorry-”

Nick’s gotten over the initial shock of his rescue, and he’s starting to regret breaking down and starting to hate being so obviously traumatized.

“Wait, Li…” Nick paused. “Can I… can I talk to you?” “Of course.” Lilac said softly. Nick glanced from Klaus to Violet to the toddlers. “Alone?”

Nick has decided it’s Lilac’s right to know she has a different (possibly living?) biological dad than the rest of them, but he also knows it’s her decision who else she wants to know, hence why he wants to tell her alone.

Nick looked up at Klaus, and said, “I-I…” he shut his eyes. “I thought I heard… no, no, I must’ve… I thought I heard her, but… I had to… she wouldn’t… have found us this fast…”

Esme and Olaf were Nick’s main tormentors; they trigger his panic attacks more than the presence of the rest of the troupe.

“No! No, don’t leave!” Nick shouted, leaping forwards and grabbing Klaus’s arm.

Nick is absolutely terrified of isolation/abandonment, especially in enclosed spaces.

“Never!” Klaus pushed Nick farther, incredibly terrified by just how quiet his brother was.

Nick was punished a lot for “backtalking” his captors, so when he’s around Olaf and Esme, he almost never speaks.

Chapter Twenty-Two - in which the Baudelaires break into a Hospital

“Dimidium,” Sunny said, which meant, “Well, it’s only half a hospital.”

“Dimidium” is a Latin noun, meaning “half.”

“We could kick down the door.” Lilac suggested. Then, she gave Nick a small smile. “Remember, Nick? When you were locked in the closet and wanted Mom to kick down the door?”

A reference to a previous one-shot for the Six Baudelaires AU.

“Do you think that’ll have the information we need?” Violet asked. Nick flinched again, and then he said, “Um-”

Nick heard the word “Snicket”, and immediately assumes the worst- that it’ll out Lilac to the rest of their siblings.

Chapter Twenty-Three - in which Solitude steals some shit

Nick still didn’t respond, and Violet’s voice broke. “You have to remember. You couldn’t have been younger than… six or seven. Mother and Father were so mad, when they found us I thought they were going to explode… but you weren’t even upset, I cried but you just said you’d… you’d heard some kind of animal cry, and you thought it might need help, and I was the only one awake to help you… they got even madder, told you you should’ve stayed with them, but you didn’t see anything wrong, and… Nick, please tell me you remember that…”

An animal cry is a signal from VFD recruiters to prompt the children to say the codephrase that begins recruitment. The Baudelaire parents don’t want their children recruited, and were terrified to wake up and find their children gone on a night that they could have been kidnapped.

Violet carefully pulled the scraps from her pocket, spreading them out in front of her, while Klaus turned to Nick. “Did they tell you anything?” he asked. “While you were… with them? About VFD, or this whole ‘Snicket’ thing, or Olaf?” Nick didn’t look anyone in the eye. “There wasn’t… much time to chat. I only… Lilac, can we talk?”

Pretty much all of Nick’s pleas for Lilac to talk to her are brought on when Snicket is mentioned.

Nick pulled away, scratching at his arm, “That’s not…”

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: IMPLIED SELF HARM

Nick’s arm scratches are a tic he picked up during his captivity; he starts to scratch whenever his captors are mentioned, to keep himself alert. This will be discussed and resolved in Part Three.

Nick looked sharply up at her and said, “Mom stole from Esme. She wouldn’t give a shit.”

Nick knows about the theft of the sugar bowl, as well as the Opera Night. (which are separate incidents, fuck you Netflix.) He’s very pissed at his parents for keeping vital information from them.

Chapter Twenty-Four - in which Violet makes a decision

They went to the Js. Then, quietly, Nick said, “Can we go to the L cabinets?” “Why?” Lilac asked. Nick glanced towards his siblings, and then away. “Just a guess.” Lilac shrugged directed them to the Ls, and Nick flipped through one drawer, eyes narrowed. Then he shook his head. “Nothing here.”

He’s looking under both “Lemony” and “Lilac.”

Nick paused. “I mean… we don’t have to- to watch it right away.” [...] “Li, please,” he said, “Can we talk? Just outside, just the two of us, there’s something-”

Nick wants to be able to tell Lilac about the whole “Lemony Snicket” thing before they can risk having her find out from the file.

“I did.” Jacques nodded. “I managed to contact-”

He managed to contact Quigley.

“We’ll find them.” Lilac swore. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Are you scared?” “I’m scared you won’t let me make a flamethrower and turn it on that bitch.”

A reference to this incorrect quote, which is, of itself, a reference to a line from the television show Brooklyn Nine-Nine, episode 3x10, “Yippie Kayak.”

Still no response. Lilac looked around in terror, her hand flying to her necklace. “Violet Malina Baudelaire! You get the fuck out here!”

Violet’s middle name is taken from her actress, Malina Weissman.

Chapter Twenty-Five - in which Lilac breaks down

“I’m not…” Lilac sniffled. “I’m not like you.” Nick froze. “What does that mean?” “You all are so close.” Lilac shut her eyes. “You and Solitude, you and Klaus, you and Violet, Violet and Klaus, Klaus and Sunny, Solitude and Sunny… all of you. You’re all each others’ best friends. None of you care about me like that. [...] I just… feel like… like there’s this wall between us. That we can’t see, but we can’t cross. And I can see you all… you all together. And I just… can’t be like that. Cause I have to be responsible? Cause I’m the oldest? Cause… cause I just can’t be loved?” “Li!” Nick put a hand on her cheek, turning her towards him. “Li, we do love you. You’re our big sister! You’re our sister! You are our family! Sure, we pick on you, but not because we hate you! We all love you, too!”

This is why Nick doesn’t take the opportunity to tell her about her heritage; he wants to wait for a moment where the information won’t give her more anxiety, or make her think she’s somehow less family.

Nick paused a moment, and then he leaned his head on her shoulder, shut his eyes, and said, “They fuck you up, your Mom and Dad. [...] They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, then add some extra, just for you.” Lilac stiffened for a second, and then carefully put an arm around Nick. “Where… where’d you learn that?” “The Library.” Nick lied.

Nick is quoting “This Be the Verse” by Philip Larkin, which is later quoted by Olaf in “The End.” He learned the poem during his captivity.

“Nick.” Lilac wiped her eyes, and then put her hands on his. “It’s okay to… to talk about what happened to you.” Nick bit his lip. “That’s…” “I’ve been busy, yes, but I’ve also been scared. Scared that I’ll… I’ll hear something that makes everything worse.” Lilac’s eyes darted to the ground a moment, before going back up to Nick. “But I’ll listen. I want to hear you. I want you to tell me.”

TRIGGER WARNING: CSA MENTION

Lilac has been avoiding Nick in fear that he’ll explain what he suffered under Olaf. While she knows learning the details can help her better protect her brother, she is terrified that she won’t be able to handle it, and she’s completely terrified he might have been sexually assaulted, seeing as Olaf threatened to do that to Violet specifically to punish Lilac, and he had Nick under his control for a while.

Nick smiled at her. “You can do anything, sis.”

Nick knows she’s biologically his half-sister, but he wants to make completely sure she knows he will always consider her his sister and his family, and nothing can change that.

Chapter Twenty-Six - in which Klaus impersonates a Doctor

Nick flinched. “You want to be like him?”

Something to note: After his capture, Nick never refers to Olaf or Esme by their names; just him or her.

Nick took a deep breath. “These vents are a lot bigger than I thought, but, um… they’re still pretty cramped.” Solitude shrugged. Of course it didn’t seem cramped to her, she was only a little over two feet tall. “I was just… I’m not sure I like how small it is.”

Nick’s claustrophobia, gained from being trapped in a red herring, a statue, and possibly other small spaces inbetween, is starting up.

“Doctor Howser.” Lilac said in an austrailian accent, thinking very fast. “We’re going to perform surgery soon.”

A reference to Doogie Howser, MD, which starred a young Neil Patrick Harris, who played Olaf in the Netflix series.

“Since when could you do an Austrailian accent?” “You don’t know everything about me.” Lilac scanned the list.

Lilac’s actress, Emily Browning, is Australian.

Chapter Twenty-Seven - in which the Baudelaires jump out a window

Nick had placed Solitude onto the ground and now held Violet by the shoulders, shaking her slightly as he shouted. “What did they do to you, Vi? Vi, what did they do?”

Nick knows exactly what could have happened to Violet in captivity, so he’s completely and utterly panicked.

“I’m with Klaus.” Nick said shakily. “We go together or not at all.”

A reference to the track “Together or Not at All” from Doctor Who, by Murray Gold.

Chapter Twenty-Eight - in which the Baudelaires visit a Carnival

No major references in this chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Nine - in which Solitude finally morphs into a reptile

“Well, if they…” Nick shut his eyes. “We just… better get there before they drink too much, that’s all.”

Nick has had experience with the troupe while drunk, and would rather attempt to speak with them before it goes too far.

“Well, then,” Lulu said, stepping forwards and looking a bit confused, “What exactly are you, please?” “You can call me Babydoll.” Lilac said.

A very clear reference to the character that Emily Browning played in Sucker Punch (2011).

Surprisingly, the henchpeople looked a little startled at that, as did Lulu, but Esme laughed. “Sounds like my kind of girl!” she said. “I drowned an ex once. So did you, dear, right?” Olaf was taking another swig of wine, so they couldn’t exactly see his reaction.

Olaf “drowning an ex” is a reference to the Netflix show canon, where he left Georgina Orwell under a bridge to drown.

His reaction being hidden is because, for obvious reasons, he doesn’t quite want to talk about murdered parents.

“Well, I’m Elliot,” Klaus said, “And this is my other head, Janus.”

Janus was a Roman god with two faces.

“And that down there,” Lilac said, pointing her thumb at Solitude, “Is our little pet gorgon. We call ‘er Euryale, cause her actual name is just a buncha hisses.”

Euryale was one of Medusa’s sisters in Greek Mythology.

Chapter Thirty - in which the Baudelaires put on a show

But as they started to leave, they heard a low rumble, and Nick immediately grabbed onto Klaus’s arm and let out a nervous gasp that was, thankfully, missed in the noise.

Nick recognizes the sound of Olaf’s car.

Chapter Thirty-One - in which the Baudelaires play fortune teller

“Or maybe,” Nick said, very quietly, keeping his eyes shut tight, “They were told not to find us.”

Nick learned a lot about VFD during his captivity, including their recruitment. He’s worried that their surviving parent may be ready to give them up to the organization.

Nick grabbed a selection of paper, staring curiously, and then he quickly tried to shove it back, but Klaus’s eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of it, and he grabbed it from his brother.

Nick, once again, sees the name “Snicket” and assumes the worst.

Chapter Thirty-Two - in which the Baudelaires are asked to murder

“No, thank you.” Esme said, looking down a Sunny and frowning. “I’m afraid I don’t like cinnamon in chocolate anymore, the woman who introduced it to me recently perished in a fire. But it’s very kind of you to offer.”

The Baudelaires received their taste for cinnamon in hot chocolate from their mother.

“Sounds good.” Kevin said. “I’ve committed crimes before. Why, when I was no older than Elliot and Janus-”

A reference to the theory that Kevin from ASOUE is the same as Kevin Old from File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, who committed vandalism and thievery.

Chapter Thirty-Three - in which someone is pushed to the lions

“I’m sure you are.” Olaf smirked, and he reached forwards and put a cold hand on Nick’s cheek. Nick tried very hard not to cry, but he wasn’t succeeding very well. “Now go jump into that pit. We want to see you devoured by lions.”

Olaf, who knows that the freaks are the Baudelaires, specifically picked Klaus and Nick to sacrifice to the lions specifically to torment Nick more; he knows what effect he has on him, and is relishing it. Once the boys are gone, they can grab the rest of the Baudelaires and escape.

“I wish we had a cartographer with us.” Violet sighed.

A reference to the next book, where Violet will have a relationship with Quigley, a cartographer.

Chapter Thirty-Four / Epilogue - in which they should have said something

“Come on.” Bertrand said, taking Violet’s hands and spinning her as she giggled. “It’s Duke Ellington. That’s your fav, Li.”

A reference to All the Wrong Questions.

“What song is this?” Violet asked. Beatrice smiled over at Soli, who was curled up on Nick’s lap, biting his sweater. “It’s got a very special name, isn’t that right, dear?” Solitude giggled.

“Solitude”, by Duke Ellington, likely Ellington’s song in All the Wrong Questions.

“Dashiell if it’s a boy,” Bertrand replied, “Sunny if it’s a girl.”

“Dashiell” after Dashiell Qwerty from All the Wrong Questions.

“We could adopt one of the outdoors animals.” Nick suggested. Beatrice and Bertrand turned to look at him. “The what?” Bertrand asked. “I keep hearing animals outside my window, every now and again.” Nick shrugged. “Howling or yipping or sometimes breaking a branch. Maybe if we brought them into the house, they wouldn’t get in so much trouble.”

Recruitment attempts that have not been working, because Beatrice and Bertrand refuse to let their children join VFD.

She turned to a selection of beach photos, slowly pulling out a small picture of baby Lilac, sitting on Briny Beach. It hadn’t been the first time she’d seen the ocean, but she’d still been so excited to splash in the water.

Since Lilac was born eleven months before Violet, it’s likely she was born on the island.

#asoue #asoue netflix #asoue movie #a series of unfortunate events #six baudelaires au #six baudelaires bonus #six baudelaires official fic #six baudelaires reference guide #mine

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televinita · 5 years ago

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Books Read in 2019: The Why

In a tradition I accidentally started for myself and now quite enjoy, at the end of the year I look back at my reading list and answer the question, why did you read this particular book?

Below, the books are split into groups by target readership age, plus nonfiction at the end. This year I have added the category “how I heard of it” as well, because I just think that info is neat.

FICTION

The Visitor - K.L. Slater. 2018. Read because: Ten episodes of The Good Cop weren't enough, so I tried to find something w/ similar characters, and this looked kinda like "TJ as a slightly more withdrawn weirdo." By the time I realized it wouldn't work due to being British, I was too excited by the prospect of a thriller to stop.

How I heard of it: Googling keywords

Like the Red Panda - Andrea Seigel. 2004. The back cover and first few pages reminded me of a friend I had once.

How I heard of it: Library

The Lost Vintage - Ann Mah. 2018. What's that? You've got some secret family history/a mystery from the past to be solved using old personal papers, including a diary? My jams.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls (4th ed.) - Emilie Autumn. 2017. I googled for books that promised unique formatting/art design, and Emilie Autumn has always been an intriguing enigma to me.

I Heard the Owl Call My Name - Margaret Craven. 1967. I know this title, but not why -- when I tripped over it in the teen* section and saw how tiny it was, I decided to find out what it was about. (*it's there because it's often taught in schools. It's here because its intended audience is adult.)

Escape - Barbara Delinsky. 2011. Went looking for an audiobook -- the cover with a woman standing on a small bridge amidst the woods drew me in (I can't find that cover on the internet though), and the idea of abandoning responsibility and driving off to a small town sounded like my dream.

How I heard of it: Library

Saul and Patsy - Charles Baxter. 2003. Another search result from my attempt to cast Josh Groban in a novel -- Midwestern-set and a man very much in love with his wife, no worries about the relationship being wrecked? Sweet! (though ultimately, I had to mentally recast)

How I heard of it: Googling

California - Edan Lepucki. 2014. Needed an audiobook. The title and green forest cover caught my eye, and the off-the-grid life + promise of a mysterious and possibly suspicious settler community described in the plot appealed to me.

How I heard of it: Library

The Lost Queen of Crocker County - Elizabeth Leiknes. 2018. Woman moves back home to rural Iowa in a book described as a "love letter to the Midwest"? Look at all these good choices.

How I heard of it: Library

All The Things You Are - Declan Hughs. 2014. Was looking for a different book w/ this title, but saw Spooky Dark House cover + wild summary and wanted to know how that could possibly happen / what the explanation was.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

Tumbledown Manor - Helen Brown. 2016. Cover love. A book about restoring a historic family manor?? BRING ME THERE.

How I heard of it: Library

The War Bride's Scrapbook - Caroline Preston. 2017. IT'S LITERALLY A SCRAPBOOK. I loved her other one like this.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - Winifred Watson. 1938. Rewatched the movie and needed to relive an alternate take immediately (especially for more Michael).

How I heard of it: special features on the DVD

April & Oliver - Tess Callahan. 2009. This just screamed "(slightly less storybook) Ned/Chuck AU!!" [Pushing Daisies] at me. There was semi-platonic comfort-spooning in the second chapter, COME ON.

How I heard of it: Half Price Books

A Short Walk to the Bookshop - Aleksandra Drake. 2019. This looked like an even more solid Ned/Chuck AU, missing only the childhood connection/age similarity, with bonus fave keywords anxiety, widower, bookshop and dog.

How I heard of it: Googling

Girl Last Seen - Nina Laurin. 2017. Recently watched "Captive" and wanted a story of the aftermath from the captive's perspective.

How I heard of it: Goodreads (specifically, I looked up an older book by this title intending to check out related recs, but this came up first)

The Road to Enchantment - Kaya McLaren. 2017. Gorgeous cover/title + "single [pregnant] woman inherits late mother's ranch" = an alternate life I want to try on.

How I heard of it: Library

From Sand and Ash - Amy Harmon. 2016. Love between childhood best friends who can’t (well, aren’t supposed to) touch? Sounds like a Ned/Chuck AU to me!

How I heard of it: a book blog post

My Oxford Year - Julia Whelan. 2018. Always here for age-appropriate student/teacher romances -- I had this one saved for a while -- but read now specifically to cast David Tennant.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Reckoning at Gossamer Pond - Jaime Jo Wright. 2018. There's a mystery from the past being solved in the present. Also, "inherited hoarder's trailer" made me v. curious about what was inside.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

My Husband the Stranger - Rebecca Done. 2017. It's Find Books That Remind Me Of David Tennant's Roles Month, and this was my crack at "Recovery."

How I heard of it: Googling

The House on Foster Hill - Jaime Jo Wright. 2017. Fixing up a spooky abandoned historic house + solving a mystery from the past in the present!

How I heard of it: a book blog post

Broadchurch - Erin Kelly. 2014. Fell in love with the show, had to immediately relive it in text form.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Vanishing - Wendy Webb. 2014. Spooky historic mansion from a reliable author for the spookening season.

How I heard of it: looking up the author’s back catalog

The Scholar - Dervla McTiernan. 2019. The Ruin - Dervla McTiernan. 2018. "Hmmm looks kind of like (Irish) Broadchurch but where the detective character has a girlfriend to fuss over and worry about. Nice." Read out of order because the second one had more girlfriend content, and enjoyed it enough to go back for book 1.

How I heard of it: Googling

The Day She Died - Catriona McPherson. 2014. The cover looked perfect for the Spook Season/gloomy weather. Sign me up for insta-families and murder mysteries w/ MCs in possible danger any day.

How I heard of it: library (literally because it was right next to McTiernan)

Still Missing - Chevy Stevens. 2010. Collecting base material for when I play this scenario (abduction/prolonged captivity and its aftermath) out w/ TV characters I like.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

This Is How You Lose The Time War - Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone. 2019. It sounded EXACTLY like a (genderbent) Doctor/Master or Crowley/Aziraphale relationship.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

The Tale of Halcyon Crane - Wendy Webb. 2010. Wanted an audiobook and I like this author (esp. for spook season).

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

The Child Garden - Catriona McPherson. 2015. I liked her previous book and this setting looked even spookier and more atmospheric.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Quiet Neighbors - Catriona McPherson. 2016. One last dip into this author...because what part of "woman gets a job organizing the books in 'the oldest bookshop in a town full of bookshops' + an old cottage to stay in" does not sound like my dream life?

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Doctor Who: The Nightmare of Black Island - Mike Tucker. 2006. After 2.5 months in a Ten/Rose spiral, the time was nigh to pluck one of their novels I didn’t get around to reading back in my original fandom heyday.

How I heard of it: can't remember

Misery - Stephen King. 1987. I just woke up one day and decided I was in the mood to try this infamous mother of all literary whumps.

How I heard of it: can’t remember

The Whisper Man - Alex North. 2019. Went looking for books that would remind me of the father/son dynamic in "The Escape Artist."

How I heard of it: Googling

Open Your Eyes - Paula Daly. 2018. Second crack at a "Recovery"-shaped novel (it failed instantly because I didn’t take the possibility of diversity into account, but suspense is still a good genre regardless).

How I heard of it: Googling

The Last - Hanna Jameson. 2019. "Dystopian psychological thriller" + the gorgeous hotel on the cover.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

------------------

YOUNG ADULT

Blood Wounds - Susan Beth Pfeffer. 2011. Established quality author + (what I thought was a) thriller premise.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Beware That Girl - Teresa Totten. 2016. I wanted an audiobook, and contemporary YA options are limited at the library. The mystery/thriller aspect sounded good enough to spend 8+ hours with.

How I heard of it: library

Trafficked - Kim Purcell. 2012. I am mystified/intrigued by domestic/non-sexual slavery, and have not seen the topic covered in YA.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Wild Bird - Wendelin Van Draanen. 2017. I have long been fascinated by teen reform camps for girls in the wilderness.

How I heard of it: library

The Year of Luminous Love - Lurlene McDaniel. 2013. The Year of Chasing Dreams - Lurlene McDaniel. 2014.

The library didn't have Girl With the Broken Heart, but it did have a fat duology featuring similar elements of horses + tragic illness, and a trio of friends that called to mind Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

The Pull of Gravity - Gae Polisner. 2011. I was looking for quality male friendships, but the male/female friendship + road trip in this search result sounded like I could cast them as teen versions of Survivor contestants. I forget which ones.

How I heard of it: Googling

The Summer of Jordi Perez (and the Best Burger in Los Angeles) - Amy Spalding. 2018. Established quality author + bright cover, cool title, burger quest, MC's love of fashion and job in a clothing store, and summer in L.A. setting

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Tiger Eyes - Judy Blume. 1981. Found out Amy Jo Johnson was the mom in the movie version, decided to read the book as prep since once again, I knew the title, but not why I knew it.

Darius the Great Is Not Okay - Adib Khorram. 2018. I turned the internet upside down in search of books with quality male friendships, and was pointed here.

How I heard of it: Googling

Big Doc's Girl - Mary Medearis. 1941. Went looking for vintage stories of simple country girls who reminded me of Katharine McPhee's character in The House Bunny. (spoiler alert: this was not it even a little bit, why did I think it was)

How I heard of it: Googling

With Malice - Eileen Cook. 2016. Always here for random teen thrillers, including a fictionalized version of Amanda Knox.

How I heard of it: library

The Girls of No Return - Erin Saldin. 2012. Like I said, I'm big on girls reform camps in the wilderness.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Hope Was Here - Joan Bauer. 2000. Needed an audiobook. This one was short and by a proven quality author.

How I heard of it: library

Rules of the Road - Joan Bauer. 1998. Best Foot Forward - Joan Bauer. 2006. Bought the first super-cheap a while ago because of the cover/road trip aspect/fascinating first few pages; read NOW to keep the Bauer train rolling, followed immediately by its sequel.

How I heard of it: Goodwill/Goodreads

Now Is Everything - Amy Giles. 2017. Interesting format, sympathetic-sounding main character (edit: What Makes You Beautiful - Ha Ha Ha version.mp3), potential for a sweet and protective romance.

How I heard of it: library

Radical - E.M. Kokie. 2016. Survivalist/prepper teen? Intriguing and underrepresented concept in YA.

How I heard of it: library

Hit the Road - Caroline B. Cooney. 2006. “It's spring, which means it's time to think about road trips.” Plus I just read a fun teen + old lady on the road book (Rules of the Road). It's thematic.

How I heard of it: library

I Am Still Alive - Kate Alice Marshall. 2018. I dig survival stories, especially in the wilderness, and this one was well recced.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Caged Graves - Dianne K. Salerni. 2013. Spook cover!! I MUST KNOW WHY THERE ARE CAGES OVER THESE GRAVES.

How I heard of it: library

Fancy Free - Betty Cavanna. 1961. Found cheap and will read this author always.

How I heard of it: antique store

Once And For All - Sarah Dessen. 2017. Stubborn determination to complete this author's canon and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Wired Man and Other Freaks of Nature - Sashi Kaufman. 2016. People in the Goodreads reviews were mad that the guys were so close yet not gay for each other. That's the very specific male friendship wheelhouse I've been looking for! Plus I know this author can write teen boys in a way I can tolerate.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Field Notes on Love - Jennifer E. Smith. 2019. Needed an audiobook and this was on display at the library; it looked cute and fluffy and I was ready for an antidote to the Dessen book.

How I heard of it: library

Midnight Sun - Trish Cook. 2017. Needed an audiobook and sick!lit seemed the most reliable of my options, given that previews for the movie had looked okay and it was real short.

How I heard of it: library

9 Days and 9 Nights - Katie Cotugno. 2018. Sequel to a book that drove me insane, but where I loved the writing style and was frustratingly fond of the characters so I Had 2 Know what happened next.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Your Destination Is On The Left - Lauren Spieller. 2018. Attractive cover + keywords like "nomadic RV lifestyle," Santa Fe, post-high-school YA, and internship

How I heard of it: library

Weird Girl and What's His Name - Meagan Brothers. 2015. X-Philes?? In MY modern-day YA fiction?? (with a side of inappropriate age-mismatched relationship?) My interest is more likely than you'd think!

How I heard of it: library

All Out of Pretty - Ingrid Palmer. 2018. Attractive design + arresting first page piqued my curiosity

How I heard of it: library

Hitchhike - Isabelle Holland. 1977. Vintage book w/ a puppy on the cover, by an author I like.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Send No Blessings - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 1990. Reread from high school after it came up on the What's The Name of That Book? discussion group; felt a strong pull of positive feelings but couldn't remember much.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Year of the Gopher - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 1987 Wanted better understanding of the source material before reading an essay about this book and the above in Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature.

How I heard of it: another book

Up In Seth's Room - Norma Fox Mazer. 1979 There was an essay about this in Lost Masterworks too. I had read it a long time ago and remembered NOT liking it, but figured I might as well revisit it to review on Goodreads.

How I heard of it: library

Blizzard's Wake - Phyllis Reynolds Naylor. 2002. Happened to be on the shelf when I checked to see what non-Alice books of hers the library had in stock, and figured as long I'm on a Naylor kick, this might as well happen. Mainly ‘cause I saw "deadly blizzard" on the back and was like "WOW this seems useful for my hurt/comfort scenario stockpile."

How I heard of it: library

A Whole New World - Liz Braswell. 2015. Seeing the new Aladdin trailer blew up my heart with FEELINGS for the original, so I went looking for a YA retelling. Can't believe I found an actual Disney-based retelling.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

After the Dancing Days - Margaret I. Rostkowski. 1986. The connection between Roy and the little girl in The Fall reminded me of this book, so I reread it specifically to visualize Andrew as Lee Pace.

How I heard of it: Library

There's Someone Inside Your House - Stephanie Perkins. 2017. I'll read most any teen thriller you throw at me. The more murders the better.

How I heard of it: Library

All the Forever Things - Jolene Perry. 2017. Loved the author's writing style on a previous book, but couldn't stomach the love triangle. Wanted to give her another chance.

How I heard of it: Library

Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire Saenz. 2012. Been on my TBR for a while because quality male friendship; read it now to see if I should keep or get rid of the dollar store copy I bought. (answer: get rid of. it's good but not amazing to me personally)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

The Hollow Girl - Hillary Monahan. 2017. Violent revenge fantasy against rapists? Especially to save the life of a guy you like who was brutally beaten during your assault? Heck yeah.

How I heard of it: Library

The Opposite of Love - Sarah Lynn Scheerger. 2014. The hurt/comfort potential was off the charts and it vaguely reminded me of Ryan/Marissa (the O.C.).

How I heard of it: Library

Sophomore Year is Greek to Me - Meredith Zeitlin. 2015. It just looked light and cute, like summer.

How I heard of it: Library

Girl Online On Tour - Zoe Sugg. 2015. Girl Online Going Solo - Zoe Sugg. 2016. Two sequels to a book I enjoyed.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Plague Land - Alex Scarrow. 2017. Plague Land Reborn - Alex Scarrow. 2018. Always here for illness-based apocalypse/dystopia. Would have finished the trilogy but library doesn’t have book 3 yet.

How I heard of it: Library

Pretty Fierce - Kieran Scott. 2017. Spy daughter of spies running for her life along w/ doting boyfriend (named Oliver, a name that has never let me down in fiction)? The ship radar is sounding OFF.

How I heard of it: Library

The Leaving - Lynn Hall. 1980. Will read any LH book, but this one was small and easy to take on an overnight trip plus everything about the summary and first couple of pages drew me in.

How I heard of it: author’s back catalog

Speed of Life - J.M. Kelly. 2016. Beautiful cover, blue collar family, unusual premise (twin sisters co-parenting the baby one of them had, no dad in sight), and I love stories where teens are (essentially) head of household.

How I heard of it: Thrift Books

Freshman Year and Other Unnatural Disasters - Meredith Zeitlin. 2012. Looked light and cute, because it's back-to-school time and lately I've been enjoying study blogs from people just starting high school.

How I heard of it: Library

The Land of 10,000 Madonnas - Kate Hattemer. 2016. Unsupervised teens a-wanderin' through Europe? Sign me up for that vicarious wanderlust.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

A Thousand Boy Kisses - Tillie Cole. 2016. A romance w/ astronomical hurt/comfort potential. (spoiler alert it’s too sickly saccharine even for me)

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Hooked - Catherine Greenman. 2011. Random reread of a book I had come to believe should have been 4 stars rather than 3, but couldn’t remember well enough to feel confident in changing the rating without checking first.

How I heard of it: Library

Appaloosa Summer - Tudor Robins. 2014. Horsey YA + after years of it being on my TBR, the author saw me post about this fact and offered to send me a free paperback copy for review.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I Stop Somewhere - T.E. Carter. 2018. I too identified as a girl my classmates would never notice was missing (moreso in college, but still). Plus it's getting close to Halloween, so time for spooky/true-crime-esque reads.

How I heard of it: library

What Waits in the Woods - Kieran Scott. 2015. An ideal spook setting for the spook season!

How I heard of it: Library

Illuminae - Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff. 2015. The formatting/art design just sounded cool and unique.

How I heard of it: a book blog post

Boot Camp - Todd Strasser. 2006. I went to the library to check out a different book of his, but this caught my eye because WHUMPITY WHUMP (with a side of pining for the teacher he had previously been in a relationship with).

The Last Trip of the Magi - Michael Lorinser. 2012. Picked up cheap at a book sale for the struggling-to-survive-a-winter-night-outside aspect.

A List of Cages - Robin Roe. 2017. Male friendship loaded with hurt/comfort.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

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MIDDLE GRADE

Sparrow Road - Sheila O'Connor. 2011. The setting -- an artist's retreat at an old mansion on sprawling estate grounds formerly used as an orphanage -- captivated me.

How I heard of it: a Little Free Library (outside of a mansion repurposed as an art council's center, actually)

Annie's Life in Lists - Kristin Mahoney. 2018. I LOVE LISTS.

How I heard of it: library

Hope is a Ferris Wheel - Robin Herrera. 2014. Still grinding my teeth over Dessen's Once and For All, I was desperate for a sweet middle grade story to refresh my palate. Gimme that bright cover. Ooh, and a trailer park kid?

How I heard of it: Library

The Education of Ivy Blake - Ellen Airgood. 2015. Prairie Evers - Ellen Airgood. 2012. Also intended as a Dessen antidote, I picked up the sequel first due to the incredibly charming excerpt on the back, and then fell so in love with the character and writing style I needed more of her world.

How I heard of it: Library

When You Reach Me - Rebecca Stead. 2009. Rave reviews from friends; mystery aspect sounded intriguing.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Counting By 7s - Holly Goldberg Sloan. 2013. Picked up cheap at a fundraiser garage sale I wanted to support; seemed easily readable.

Summerlost - Ally Condie. 2016. Young!Ned/Chuck AU?? (spoiler alert: maybe if it wasn't so boring)

How I heard of it: Googling

Where The Heart Is - Jo Knowles. 2019. "Country girl taking care of the animals at a hobby farm across the road" = the childhood dream and also I wanted to ignore the summary and hope I could still get a Young!Ned/Chuck AU. How I heard of it: Library

The Wizards of Once - Cressida Cowell. 2017. Twice Magic - Cressida Cowell. 2018. First one: David Tennant reads the audiobook, and literally no other reasons.

Second one: Ah heck turns out I kind of loved how David Tennant read that audiobook and want more.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

My Sister Lives on the Mantelpiece - Annabel Pitcher. 2011. David Tennant reads the audiobook, and literally no other reasons.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

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NONFICTION

Seinology: The Sociology of Seinfeld - Tim Delaney. 2006. It's sociology, it's Seinfeld, what's not to love?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Survivor: The Ultimate Game - Mark Burnett. 2000. At the beginning of the year I was obsessed w/ this show like never before, so a detailed recap of one of its seasons seemed like the ticket to complement that.

How I heard of it: Googling

Jungle: A Harrowing True Story of Survival - Yossi Ghinsberg. 1985. Loved the movie, wanted to relive it in text form.

How I heard of it: special features on the DVD

Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature - ed. Connie Zitlow. 2002. There was an essay about Send No Blessings in here. If that's the kind of book this book is about, I wanna hear all about it.

How I heard of it: Library catalog

Animals in Young Adult Fiction - Walter Hogan. 2009. From the same publishing line as the above, which I loved, I figured this was even MORE my specialized reading niche.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Phantoms of the Hudson Valley - Monica Randall. 1996. When I have I ever NOT wanted to read about grand mansions of yesteryear -- especially if some are abandoned ruins?

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Seven Cats and the Art of Living - Jo Coudert. 1996. Picked up cheap at a library sale because cats (and the cute author-illustrated cover painting).

Psychic Pets and Spirit Animals: True Stories From The Files of Fate Magazine. 1996. Random reread of a childhood favorite.

How I heard of it: B. Dalton's (THAT’S how long I’ve had this book, y’all).

Extreme Couponing - Joni Meyer-Crothers with Beth Adelman. 2013. Who doesn't love saving money? But I am not very coupon-savvy and wanted to learn.

How I heard of it: Library

Cabin Lessons: A Tale of 2x4s, Blisters and Love - Spike Carlsen. 2015. Having the money/skill to build my own cabin on MN's north shore is a fun daydream.

How I heard of it: Library

The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap: A Memoir of Friendship, Community, and the Uncommon Pleasure of a Good Book - Wendy Welch. 2012. Opening a used bookstore is my impractical dream too.

How I heard of it: Library

Belonging: A German Reckons With History and Home - Nora Krug. 2018. Illustrated memoirs are always awesome.

How I heard of it: Library

The Astor Orphan: A Memoir - Alexandra Aldrich. 2013.

Rokeby was one of the estates that fascinated me in Phantoms of the Hudson Valley, and the content of this one took place around the same era that book was written.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

I'll Be There For You: The One About Friends - Kelsey Miller. 2018. Am I going to turn down "a retrospective" about one of my favorite shows?? I am not.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Season Finale: The Unexpected Rise and Fall of the WB & UPN. 2007. Recommended after the above because I love hearing how network TV stations are built in terms of programming decisions.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

Paperback Crush: The Totally Radical History of 80s and 90s Teen Fiction - Gabrielle Moss. 2018. Take how I reacted to Lost Masterworks of Young Adult Literature, and multiply it by "fully illustrated with brightly colored pages." These are the kind of books I’m familiar with and always down to talk/hear about, but hardly anyone else is.

How I heard of it: Goodreads

#why i read #queued

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uncannygoat · 2 years ago

Text

The winter season has been thriving, so I drew my interpretation of Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer.

Don’t mind the fact that he’s a man-eating psychopath. Just remember that it’s always the innocent looking creatures that turn out to be horrific monsters.

#rudolph #rudolph the red nosed reindeer #winter #christmas #xmas #Christmas art #traditional art #pencil art #art dump #december #Rudolph fanart #ruining your childhood since 2004 #cartoon #horror #christmas Rudolph #rtrnr

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thewadapan · 5 years ago

Photo

I rewrote the most infamous Transformers comic of all time.

I wanna give fair warning here. See, when I started working on this comic, I wasn’t really expecting it to turn out quite as dark as it did, and I suspect neither are you. After all, this is The Beast Within, right? The story where Grimlock goes crazy and talks in Comic Sans? How bad can things get? It turns out that - with just a few decisions made in poor taste - the answer is “very”, to the point where I feel the need to stick some kinda content warning at the top of this post. Unfortunately, I also feel like I’ve got a responsibility to the story, and there’s no way for me to do so without ruining it, so this is the best you’re gonna get.

This isn’t the first time I’ve made a comic like this. All the way back in 2016, I made “its christmas... so what??”, a kinda-bad re-lettering of a four-page ‘80s Marvel comic called “The Night the Transformers Saved Christmas”. I wasn’t too happy with the result, so half a year later I tried again - producing “PASS”, a re-lettered version of an obscure six-page UK-exclusive Marvel comic originally titled “Peace”.

“The Beast Within (My Pants)” is quite a different, uh, beast.

Each of the three comics I’ve produced was intended to be the last of its kind - standalone, yet fitting into the same overarching continuity. You can read any one of them alone, or you can read all of them in the order I made them. They’re individually available as albums on Imgur at the following links:

“its christmas... so what??”

“PASS”

“The Beast Within (My Pants)”

Alternatively, you can download the whole set as .cbz files - renamed .zip archives of images which you can open with a standard comic book reader.

It’s not too late to turn back.

Still with me? All caught up? Good. You’re probably wondering what the hell I was thinking...

I. I Have Summoned You Here For A Reason

Our story begins all the way back in 2004. The UK company Metrodome, looking to spice up their DVD box-set releases of the original ‘80s The Transformers cartoon, hired some local talent in the form of Mr. Jamieson (owner of a then-notable fansite) to write up some bonus features. They also commissioned him to write a mini-comic to be packed in with the set - with art by Mr. Gibson, a self-proclaimed fan since childhood with seemingly no other ties to the franchise.

The comic wound up being published in two parts (the second being subtitled “Consequences”) across the “Season 2 Part 2″ and “Seasons 3 and 4″ box sets. As a kid, I actually owned the latter of those box sets, and would watch it almost religiously - to what I can only assume must’ve been great annoyance from my poor parents - but I have no memory of it including a comic of any kind. Maybe it did, but it got separated at some point, and is lying around in some forgotten folder. A damn shame, that is. No, seriously.

I’m sure some record of the fan response at the time exists out there, in the doldrums of one of the many hard-to-search often-defunct forums which existed back then. I can’t really be bothered looking for it, sorry. You’ll have to content yourself with this TFWiki talk page for “The Beast Within” from mid-2007, which speaks of “Consequences” in hushed tones - as though it is a fabled artifact, prophesied to bring about Armageddon.

Another record - this one from 2009 - comes in the form of an eight-page TFW2005 thread ominously titled “Anyone afraid of the Dinobot combiner?” If you’re reading this commentary, you’re already strapped in for the long run; I recommend reading the thread in full. Well, okay, I don’t: it made me wince throughout, and I’ll be explaining the salient bits here, so there’s really no point subjecting yourself to it.

User “Razorrider”, after reading the TFWiki article on the Beast, opened the thread, noting “I don’t feel afraid of him myself.” The reactions soon started to pour in - some agreeing that the design was in fact “awesome”, others describing it as “hideous”.

Just going off my own personal opinion here, I think it’s fair to say that effectively nobody on the first page of the thread had any idea what they were talking about - and the pages that follow fared little better.

I think the main issue stemmed from the fact that a lot of those users didn’t think to explain the metrics by which they judged a “good” design (or, indeed, a “bad” story). When one person says “I think Optimus Prime has a good design”, they might just mean “I think he looks cool”, or they might mean “I think his proportions and colours give him a heroic stature which reflects his personality”. In that sense, a “good design” is one that communicates aspects of a character visually, even if it’s ugly. The Beast is hideous, yes, misshapen, yes, and it looks like the result of a teleportation accident, fine - but those are all intentional design decisions that perfectly reflect the nature of the character. In the foreword to the first part, Mr. Gibson notes the following (you’ll have to imagine that it’s written in Comic Sans for yourself):

Creating ‘The Beast’ was probably the most interesting aspect of the project. I wanted him to be a grotesque, twisted character that contained the design elements of the Dinobots he is created from.

People proclaim that the Beast “should never have existed” - a line from the comic’s narration, note - but somehow fail to realise that this is the comic’s own intent.

(Compare the Beast’s design to that posted by one user on the second page of the thread, which - minus an admittedly-inspired Triceratops-fist - just looks like an upscaled version of Grimlock.)

Okay, the alarm bells should be ringing in your head now. This is all starting to sound disturbingly like I’m some sort of The Beast Within apologist, isn’t it? How slippery is the slope that leads from “the Beast is a good design” to “The Beast Within is a good comic?” Have the hours spent poring over this thing in MS Paint turned my brain to mush, capable of only vague all-caps-Comic-Sans-penned ponderings?

...Well, yes, but- look, just stick with me!

The most accurate recurring statement in the thread - though perhaps not in the way it is intended - is that The Beast Within reads like a work of “fanfiction”. See, Transformers is a franchise with an ever-growing history, and many of those who work on it now have been lifelong fans themselves. This is true of many franchises which have stumbled into the new millennium, finding themselves seemingly unable to die. We live in an age of fanfiction - yet some fanfictions are fanfiction-ier than others.

When compared to the likes of Star Wars and Star Trek and Marvel’s comics, one sees a marked difference in Transformers. Throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s, every story Hasbro put out seemed to fit vaguely into a single guiding narrative - each distinct strand of their multimedia barrage falling into contradiction with one another, yet still seeking to adapt some underlying premise. The 2001 series Robots in Disguise - in the West at least - saw a complete departure from that narrative. The ramifications of that strange borderline-afterthought cartoon cannot be understated, yet in retrospect feel like they’ve been a part of the franchise for as long as anyone can remember.

Almost every year since, Hasbro has effectively wiped the slate clean. Each new series tries to be its own thing. Continuity between series - if it exists - is understated, ignored, or overwritten. To date, this is still something that confuses us geeks; so used are we to the mired pits that are the canons of Star Wars and its ilk. This can be frustrating - there are only so many times one can retread the same story - but so too has this rare cycle allowed authors to really explore the concepts and themes presented by the premise of “car robots” to a level of depth which I believe is simply unattainable in franchises which adhere stringently to a single narrative.

That’s the bright side.

In practise, many Transformers stories have become increasingly myopic - existing only in service of themselves, or (more often) in service of older (better?) stories. The single most influential of these stories is almost certainly 1986′s The Transformers: The Movie, and it’s that influence which is felt most strongly in The Beast Within.

Of the countless insights offered by Terry van Feleday - if you don’t know who that is, don’t worry, I’ll explain later - I find that this one rings most true:

When Optimus Prime du jour mouths off “One shall stand, one shall fall” for the twentieth time, there is simply no longer that understanding that he will not be the one who stands.

Where so many modern Transformers stories are misguided recreations of the animated movie, The Beast Within is a reaction to it. But we’ll get to that. First, let’s talk a little about the story’s artwork.

Mr. Gibson himself, I believe, deserves almost none of the criticism he’s received over the years for his work on this comic. Though his layouts are occasionally cluttered, and he does seem to have been trying a little too hard to emulate the style of Pat Lee (the man behind Dreamwave Productions; license holder for Transformers comics at the time) in the first part, his panels have a strong sense of energy and tone.

Though he didn’t exactly get to explore a broad range of emotions over the course of the comic, he managed to keep the characters expressive - always a challenge, when dealing with visors and mouthplates - and, crucially for a cast of this size, on-model. Look at the fury on Razorclaw’s face! The way Prime’s fist flies out of the panel! Menasor, torn in two! Predaking’s sundered legs! The mishmash of heads inside the Beast! The sickly colours of the second half! While it lacks the practised ease seen from some fans-turned-creators on more recent books, it’s still impressive work.

Regardless, Mr. Gibson’s first outing with Transformers proved to be his last. He didn’t end up getting paid work from Dreamwave Productions as he’d perhaps hoped (though in retrospect, neither did most of the people who illustrated for that company, so that was probably for the best). There’s no mention of The Beast Within on his personal website, which bills him as a “children’s picture book illustrator”, amongst other things. To put it simply, the guy’s always been a talented illustrator, and his style’s come a long way since this comic - the portfolio work on his website is very impressive.

(On a whim, I went back to late 2004 on the internet archive, and did in fact find the comic’s first spread buried at the back end of his portfolio. The entire website is a product of the early-2000s - there’s a link labelled “Go to Flash site” in the sidebar, though the page it takes you to sadly seems to have been lost to time. It all seems like it was borne of another age entirely.)

Anyway, let’s get back to that TFW2005 thread. The thing that makes it particularly notable is that, on the fourth page, Mr. Jamieson himself wades in to try and set the record straight. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

For a lot of people, I think, the idea of interacting with an author might seem strange. They’re aware of J.K. Rowling’s online antics, and are becoming increasingly comfortable with celebrity interactions on Twitter, sure. But there’s a difference between those kinds of interactions and the kind that take place on forums or in chatrooms - places where everyone’s on a level playing field. I come from those corners of the internet, and am lucky enough to have had conversations with lots of people who’ve made things I like, and have seen almost the full range of approaches those people take when dealing with their audiences. It’s safe to say that Mr. Jamieson’s approach in that decade-old thread is just about the worse one there is: over the course of just five posts, he smugly lashed out at the people in the thread, whipping them into a fervour that lasted for three more pages after his departure.

Regardless of whether or not Mr. Jamieson was correct - in the attacks he levelled at the other users, in the defence he offered for his work - there can be no question that this kind of behaviour is grossly inappropriate.

(Whether it is more or less appropriate than digging up old threads and archived web pages in an attempt to justify a bastardisation of a much-maligned comic book remains to be seen, I suppose.)

The key point that Mr. Jamieson kept returning to is that he sought to avoid the dreaded “info dump” (a hallmark of early Transformers stories), and didn’t want his readers to be “spoon fed”. A recurring criticism of the story is that it seems to begin halfway through, with little explanation for what’s going on - but I, like Mr. Jamieson, don’t think that complaint holds water. The Beast Within begins “in medias res” because we already have the context: eighty issues of a comic, ninety-eight episodes of a cartoon, and - crucially - a movie. Everyone knows the story of the Transformers, because the story of the Transformers - ironically enough - never really changes. “Is it ever really over, Jetfire?”

(That’s the last line of the original version of The Beast Within, by the way. I had to add the comma in myself.)

Like the impact of Robots in Disguise, the impact of The Transformers: The Movie is kinda hard to see unless you were there at the time - and I wasn’t - but in 1986, it did something which was profoundly shocking to thousands of children: it introduced them to death.

That’s about all I’m going to say about the movie itself, because much more experienced critics than me have already mined it for every ounce of subtext. I’ve already quoted the work of Terry van Feleday, who did some excellent scene-by-scene analysis of the film in a thread all the way back in 2010 - and I’ll come back to her writings a few times in this post. This very year, sorta-famous YouTuber hbomberguy released his own long-form take on the movie - what I find interesting when comparing the two interpretations is that van Feleday struggles to find much merit in the movie outside of its opening, while hbomberguy employs a reading that allows him to be much more optimistic and charitable even towards the end of the movie.

In a way, I think Mr. Jamieson had an intuitive subconscious understanding of the subtext which both of those critics later brought to light, an understanding which directly informed the premise of The Beast Within. In the same way one can read the monster planet Unicron as a physical manifestation of death, so too can one view the Beast - and Mr. Jamieson (almost certainly unconsciously) posits that, although death does not belong in a children’s cartoon, it is an inevitability that all children must eventually face. It is the dark spectre that lurks beneath the surface of every childish thing made by an adult.

An author places some of themselves in a book - but the reader withdraws something of their own perception as well. I wondered what I might see in the book: a child believes a lie because they know no better; a grown adult sees the lie because it fails to line up with experience. In this way, a child’s story could be so many different experiences. With enough subtext, a thing made for a child becomes an entirely different world to an adult. [...] There’s no telling when subtext will defeat the facade of a thing.

(I’ll tell you what that quote’s from later.)

I wonder, perhaps, if the endless swathes of edgy reimaginings of children’s stories are something of a mass outcry from those who grew up being told - every Saturday morning - that when people got blown apart, they’d be put back together by the next week’s end. What was it like for those children, in December of ‘86, to learn that some people could never be rebuilt?

II. It Pleases Me To Be The First

It occurs to me that I never did really do a commentary on “its christmas... so what??”, although I did talk about it a little in the commentary for “PASS”. Its title is a reference to the famous (well, you know what I mean) cover of “Stargazing” (issue #145 of the original UK run), which featured a banner reading “IT’S CHRISTMAS!” over an image of Starscream, arms out, yelling “SO WHAT?”

(Side note: at first I thought that I hadn’t read that particular story, but it occurs to me that as a kid I used to borrow a lot of Titan Books’ reprints from my local library - and I do in fact have distinct memories of reading Transformers: Second Generation, which did collect “Stargazing” amongst other Christmas stories - so I guess I probably did read it, even if I don’t remember doing so.)

The Women’s Day comic is something of a curio, as explained in this excellent article (which reprints the comic - with its original text - in full). It’s basically the only US strip which was published outside of the eighty issues of the run proper. This rare, standalone nature is something I have sought across every re-lettering I’ve done - from the UK annual-exclusive not-by-the-usual-author set-in-the-future “Peace” to the UK DVD-box-set-exclusive set-in-an-ambiguous-cartoon-inspired-continuity The Beast Within. These works feel like they’ve been lost to time - and corrupting them feels like unearthing buried treasure (and smearing it in turds). But I’ll get to that.

Back to “its christmas”. As I explained last time, I just went through the comic panel-by-panel and changed stuff to whatever I thought would be funny. I didn’t edit the two-line introductory blurb (which ended up informing the backstory detailed in the new set of AtoZ profiles). I barely paid attention to established portrayals of the characters beyond Soundwave’s association with music. I had no large-scale plans.

There’s a lazy (and poorly-conceived) gag where the little girl calls Bumblebee “gay” (also note that at the time, I misinterpreted the art in the third panel of the third page - I thought it was the girl speaking, when in fact it was her mother - leading to some erroneous dialogue), which in retrospect feels like a less-drawn-out version of the excruciating opening scene from Freddery McMahon’s Combiner Wars abridged special. That spoof somehow manages to be less funny than its source material, and I sometimes think that the same holds for my own creations.

Still, that’s not to say that “its christmas” doesn’t do anything that I like. I’ll admit that lines like “lol without mustard christmas will be CANCEL suck it nerds”, “toot toot here come some flutes”, and “help me drag it to the hospital” still kinda make me laugh. I like the way Bumblebee drowns out the little girl’s insults by tooting loudly at her. The final panels - wherein the humans steal Bumblebee’s blood as the other Transformers watch impassively - have an offbeat intensity to them, and when it came to writing Bumblebee’s AtoZ profile it was those which I chose to call back to.

If I had to sum up “its christmas” in a single word, I’d pick “childish”. The jokes, the characters themselves, the entire concept behind the comic - all feel kinda immature, and that was kinda by design. Summer Meme Sundae was a terrible piece of work, but - if I had to ascribe a theme to it - that theme would be growing up; realising that you’re running out of summer holidays. “PASS” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)” kept that atmosphere, but became increasingly cynical and obscene. That was just the natural direction they had to go in.

III. Every Place Reminds You Of Some Place Else

I’ve long had an idle fascination with abridged series, and have toyed with the thought of making an abridged series of my own. Most notably, I’ve long fancied the idea of abridging Machinima’s Prime Wars Trilogy of Transformers cartoons. Here’s an extract from a message I posted in Allspark Chat (the Discord server associated with the Allspark Forums):

I'd probably try and keep Megatron mostly the same as he is in the show as it is. Optimus'd be kinda murderous - you can tell he can't wait for Rodimus and the rest of the Council to kick the bucket so he can retake unilateral control over Cybertron. I'd maybe try to go for something of a more sympathetic Starscream - he wouldn't actually have any plan, he just has Cybertron's interests at heart and ends up trying to use the Enigma solely to rid the world of Megatron and Optimus forever. Windblade'd maybe be trying to force some hero's journey stuff - picking fights with progressively bigger opponents in a misguided attempt to prove her narrative worth

As pitches go, it’s not much. It doesn’t help that, as I previously mentioned, Freddery McMahon himself - pretty much the only name in Transformers abridging - has already tackled the series; his style of parody isn’t really to my taste, but his production value is fairly impressive and would largely overshadow any improvements I made on a script level. I feel like the Prime Wars Trilogy has potential, because it’s a fascinating piece of media, but I find myself unable to answer the question of how to parody something that already feels so much like self-parody. Sound familiar?

By the time the last entry in that series - Power of the Primes - was wrapping up, I'd been posting semi-frequently in the Allspark’s threads with a borderline-apologetic tone. Takes included:

The emptiness of Cybertron lends it a Beast Machines-esque tone

The Mistress of Flame’s death is cathartic

You can see right through the script

I want to get off Machinima’s wild ride

Wow, Windblade sure screams a lot, doesn’t she

The finale of Titans Return is good, actually

Hearing Megatron say “piss me off” is an unpleasant surprise

Hey, this soundtrack’s pretty good

Wait, no it’s not, but Galvatron’s implied reversion to Megatron is

Narrative emergence gives rise to Buddhist allegories in TFTM

Grimlock acts like his cartoon self - but only around friends

Okay, for realsies, the soundtrack’s good now

They’re right to kill Sludge; he’s the least toyetic Dinobot

I’d probably describe a lot of what I saw in the Prime Wars Trilogy as a kind of narrative pareidolia - only instead of seeing faces in inanimate objects, I was seeing value and meaning in an indefensible web series.

The problem with abridged series is that they require a ridiculous amount of effort. You need to be a good writer in the traditional sense, but you need to be able to work around the visual material available - you’re gonna have to edit everything yourself, you’re probably gonna need to do custom animation, and you’re certainly gonna need to wrangle a cast of voice actors. All of that for ten minutes of animation that’s probably gonna get taken off YouTube within ten minutes of upload. It’s just not feasible - and yet there’s part of me that loves the idea: commentary and content, all rolled into one.

To pretend that it was Combiner Wars that led me to create “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a little misleading, however. The real answer - I’m sorry to say - has more to do with ponies.

See, every now and again I get very acute nostalgia for My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, which was perhaps my first brush with fandom - or at least, proper fandom. It’s heard to measure these things, y’know? Anyway, when that happens, I realise that I don’t really want to sit and watch a cartoon for little girls, so I usually just listen to some fan-made music or - as was the case last time - rewatch one of the abridged series based on the show. I use the word “series” here in plural because there were in fact two (well, two that matter): Friendship is Witchcraft and The Mentally Advanced Series. There’s long been quiet debate over which of the two is the (soundwave) superior series, and I’ve historically believed that they’re (buy some) apples and oranges. The latter is a more thoughtful parody of the source material, while the former is more polished and standalone.

However, after blitzing through Friendship is Witchcraft once more in its entirety over the course of a couple of days, something about it clicked for me - a bigger-picture thesis - and I realised that it had much more to say about its source material than I (or, well, most people) had given it credit for. It was at that moment that I felt the awful urge to create a My Little Pony fanwork of my own.

(The quote I used earlier, about subtext in children’s stories, was spoken by Princess Celestia in Rainbow Dash Presents: The Star in Yellow, a Mentally Advanced Series special inspired by a fanfiction which, fittingly enough, was written by Matt Marshall (AKA Blueshift/blue/Yartek/RockLordsRock), who was also the man behind the infamous “JaAm” relettering which effectively inspired all of these projects of mine. It’s like poetry.)

As we’ve already established, making a fancy-schmancy animation was out of the question - but a crudely-edited-in-MS-Paint comic was the next best thing, clearly. I started glancing through IDW Publishing’s official My Little Pony comics - having purchased a few in a Humble Bundle many years ago - but, aside from a couple of promising stories, quickly realised I didn’t have much hope. The comics are just, to put it frankly, not as good or as interesting as the show, and the fact that I’d need to adapt at least two issues at once (over forty pages) to tell any complete story made doing so an unappetising prospect. Furthermore, IDW’s comics are still very much in print, and (as the abridged series show) any such parody would stand on shaky legal ground.

Seeing as I wasn’t about to delve into the dark realm of prose any time soon, and the idea of messing with some other fan’s work rubbed me the wrong way, I decided to give up on my equine dreams and instead turned back to more familiar territory. I glanced over the list of old Transformers Marvel comics, but nothing like those I’d previously relettered stood out to me. I perused the short stories included in Dreamwave’s 20th Anniversary Transformers Summer Special. I even looked into some Fun Publications stuff. Nothing sparked my interest.

Perhaps my most promising lead was “An Arcee Sort of Day”, a vaguely-maligned (as in, “meh”) three-page standalone comic released mere months ago by IDW as part of an anthology - but the poor resolution of the available scan (the comic had been released in its entirety as part of the free preview for the anthology) meant that editing it would be a nightmare, and there was very little in the way of dialogue for me to mess with besides. More than that, the idea of directly mocking a comic from a compilation designed to showcase female creators (particularly one featuring Arcee, who’s been a controversial character in recent years) struck me as tasteless in the extreme. If only I had an easier target!

Oh wait, I did.

IV. Let The Slaughter Begin

If I actually ever read both parts of The Beast Within before starting work on this project, I don’t remember doing so. I do remember reading the Beast’s TFWiki page when I was much younger, and remember feeling like the wiki’s take on the concept seemed disproportionately harsh. To be honest, it was quite vindicating to read the source material and discover that I still agreed with my younger self’s assessment - the problems with the story are not on a conceptual level, but in the execution.

I barely gave myself time to digest the story before diving in and working out how exactly I could mess it up. I knew from my previous comics that the Autobots would all be unrepentant shitheads, so the natural choice was to portray the Decepticons as favourably as possible. Where the Autobots are callous, poorly-spoken, stupid, and divided, the Decepticons would be caring, articulate, intelligent, and united. In the story’s context, these traits would be weaknesses: remember, only the Beast has the killing instinct needed for decisive victory in this endless children’s story. I also knew that everybody in the story would hate Grimlock, and that - unlike with Roadbuster in “PASS” - they’d be right to do so.

That was pretty much the extent of my planning. I gathered up all the pages and started clearing out the text from the speech bubbles. Already, I had something of a problem: the use of the infamous Comic Sans MS font in the first part of The Beast Within was one of its most iconic features, and I wanted to retain that, but my own previous reletterings had canonically established Times New Roman as the “voice” of the Autobots. In fact, as far as those older comics were concerned, Times New Roman was the voice not just of the whole Cybertronian race, but also of the narrator.

The only lines which used a different font were those where I’d chosen to retain the comic’s original lettering, and with Roadbuster’s dialogue. It’s hard to articulate what exactly the joke with Roadbuster was - he seemed like the odd-one-out in the opening panels of the story, so I ran with that by having him be persistently ostracised by the other Autobots. The twist, as you find out when he finally speaks, is that he seems to be the only Autobot who’s unambiguously a good person; the rest bully him for effectively no reason.

In the commentary for “PASS” I released earlier this year, I explicitly ask:

If these are the Autobots… then what were the Decepticons like?

My own gut feeling was, I think, that they were people like Roadbuster - genuinely good individuals who never wanted a fight - and so for this comic I knew I had to give them Roadbuster’s Arial voice. I also knew that I’d have to keep the Autobots’ Times New Roman voice for the most part. The only question, then, was what to do about Grimlock, the combiners, Jetfire, and the narration.

(It’s worth noting that Soundwave and Triton were both Decepticons too, yet they both spoke in Times New Roman. The Doylist reason for this is simply that, at the time, I was happy to have everyone share a voice. In Triton’s case, the Watsonian reason is that he’s trying to mimic the Autobots’ “accent” to better fit in. If I had to make up a reason for Soundwave, I’d say that he’s only recently defected from the Autobots, as a reference to van Feleday’s insane Soundwave-as-an-ex-prisoner-of-war theory. Had Soundwave had a speaking role in the comic, I’m sure I would’ve explored that backstory in his AtoZ profile - but alas, it wasn’t to be.)

In fact, there was initially some ambiguity over who the comic’s narrator would be - if I used Times New Roman, would I have to keep the voice of the same narrator as in the previous two comics? In the end, I decided to draw from my source material: the on-panel narration would be Grimlock’s inner monologue, rendered in full Comic Sans glory, while the "Interlude” would employ a more omniscient third-person voice. That third-person voice is, I think, distinct from the narrator of the previous comics, and feels like a more solemn version of the narrator of the AtoZ profiles I released alongside the commentary for “PASS” (or, indeed, the latest batch included here). Remember, I wrote the first two comics years before all of this recent material. More on the text-only pages later.

When he speaks out loud, Grimlock uses the regular Times New Roman of the other Autobots. In fact, the only dialogue which uses Comic Sans is that of the Beast, which I view as the true externalisation of Grimlock’s feelings. You can also view it as the “real world” (as depicted in the text-only pages) leaking through into the comic’s reality, in much the same way that an aware-of-death adult perspective seeps through into a seemingly-innocent children’s cartoon. The other combiners simply use a slightly bigger font than the individual Decepticons. Oh, and all of the combiners use red text.

In the original toyline, Jetfire was something of an odd-one-out, as he was really a Macross “VF-1S Super Valkyrie” toy licensed by Hasbro from Bandai (who had in turn purchased the molds from the recently-bankrupted Takatoku toys). Both Whirl and Roadbuster have similar origins. I was under no obligation to do anything special with Jetfire’s dialogue, but because of the way he’s introduced in the comic - and as a nod to his shared real-world history with Roadbuster - it felt right to give him his own voice. Though he still uses Times New Roman, the font is scaled up and he speaks entirely in capital letters. His dialogue was a challenge to write, as most of his speech bubbles are very small, but I think this worked out in my favour: his speech often ended up butting up against the bubbles’ outlines, giving the impression that he’s always speaking just a little bit too loudly.

The lettering in the first part of the original comic - aside from being technically legible - is generally shoddy on every level. For emphasis, it alternately uses italics or inconsistent font size. Occasionally, the dialogue switches to lowercase, which kinda gives the impression that everyone’s been shouting the whole time. Most of the text is left-aligned. Some bits of text seem to have been squashed. Most of the narration boxes are parallelograms, but some are plain rectangles. Red hand-lettered text is mostly limited to the combiners’ speech, but also sees use a couple of times for Megatron and Optimus Prime. Some of the combiners’ speech just uses normal red Comic Sans MS text. Meanwhile, the second part switches entirely to black hand-lettered text - presumably from Mr. Gibson - which is a marked improvement in terms of tone and consistency, if a step down in legibility.

It’s interesting to me that, despite my version of the comic sharing the dearth of commas and full stops which plagues the original, it reads very differently. For all its stylisation, it’s my hope that each line I write for these comics comes across realistically - not in the sense that it’s something you’d hear someone say, but perhaps in the sense that it’s something you’d maybe read on the internet. More on that later - first, some miscellaneous notes on the comic’s text:

When I first wrote it, I used the style of self-censorship from “PASS” (and, by extension, the rest of Summer Meme Sundae) wherein the first letter of any curse is replaced by an asterisk. It was one of my prereaders, Tindalos, who noted that “the censoring kinda takes a bit from it”, and I decided that I agreed with him - it felt like I was holding back. You can decide for yourself; I’ve collected the pages with lines that were revised between drafts in an album.

Through pure coincidence, it’s Springer (well, Bulkhead) who gets the first line of dialogue in the comic - just like in “PASS”. In case it’s not clear, the joke is that he thinks he’s safe on the floor and berates Jazz for not doing the same thing, seconds before getting stomped by Megatron. I think this sequence perfectly encapsulates a big part of what I wanted to show about the Autobots: they all criticise one another relentlessly, despite being deeply flawed themselves. It’s a dynamic that, to me at least, actually evokes that of the Autobots in Michael Bay’s movies.

The line “thats me grimlock in the corner losing my religion” is, of course, a reference to R.E.M.’s song “Losing My Religion”, which was itself included as part of writer James Roberts’ “soundtrack” for More Than Meets The Eye. Though he did not appear in the issue for which Roberts selected the song, Grimlock was a recurring character in that series. Hopefully my depiction of the character surpasses that one - though if you ask the people I usually talk to, I wouldn’t be setting the bar particularly high with that comparison.

Optimus uses the insult “grimdick” shortly after Grimlock’s narration provides the example “grimcock”. I intended this to show that, while the dynamic between the two’s been cemented for a good while, Grimlock is always a step behind and still can’t predict Prime’s actions.

Snarl’s line was originally “hey speak for yourself swoop me and grimlock are tight as *hit”, which expresses effectively the opposite sentiment to his final line. The idea that Snarl was okay with becoming part of the Beast was intended to add a bit of brevity to the sequence - but I decided it was better to keep as much emotional impact as possible in the moment.

A more minor change a couple of pages later is Grimlock’s line “how do they do it”, which replaced “love is stupid”. I wanted to expressly draw a parallel between the Beast’s combination and Predaking’s.

The line I’m happiest with is “eat shit megatron this is what you get for being such a fucking weapon”. One of my friends occasionally cracks out the word “weapon” to describe someone - and what better application for it is there than a guy who literally turns into a gun?

Megatron’s line about the “black hole” in Optimus Prime’s spark is a twist on Megatron’s own canonical link to a black hole - an aspect of his original bio which was revisited by Roberts.

I struggled to think of Menasor’s final words. The longer I stared at the panel where he gets torn in half - from which I’d already cleared the speech bubble - the more I was struck by the emptiness of the scene. If one considers Menasor to be a symbol for the Decepticons as a whole, then his silence in that panel is my way of showing that - from this point forth - the Decepticons no longer have a voice; the second part of the comic shows naught but their corpses. Death exists, and nothing is good any more.

None of the text on the final page of the first half remained unchanged between drafts. I wan’t happy with Optimus Prime’s original line at all, and the internal monologue “don’t you deserve happiness” felt a little too serious. The phrase “no u” is the archetypical low-effort comeback, and seemed like the perfect beat to end the first part with.

Prime’s line “gotta jettison some dead weight” is a nod to Astrotrain’s iconic line in The Transformers: The Movie: “Jettison some weight, or I’ll never make it to Cybertron.” I had to check for the exact quote just now and found “jettison transformers the movie” in my search history, so obviously I’d done the same when writing the panel. More than just being a trite reference, I was hoping to draw an obvious parallel and to contrast the unilateral decision Optimus Prime makes on the following page against the more shall-we-call-it-democratic process the Decepticons used in the movie.

I’m probably a little too proud of “big red irredeemable fucking monster of a robot semi fuck”, which is a line that could absolutely only exist in this travesty of a comic.

Jetfire’s use of the phrase “GOTTA BLAST” is a reference to a line spoken by the titular character of the early-2000s CGI cartoon Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, one which has turned into something of a meme. When I wrote the panel, I intended to imply that Jetfire was aiming to crash into the city - but I think it ended up doubling as foreshadowing for the fact that Jetfire flies his passengers into the sun. Additionally, the meme often sees use as innuendo, which shines through in the following panel: Jetfire expels propellant into the Beast’s face while Bumblebee remarks “gah okay i did not want to see that”. The less said about the sound effect “CHOOOM!”, the better.

Remember how all the text in the first part of the original comic was left-aligned? So’s the text in my version! MS Paint simply doesn’t have the option to change the alignment of your text - I actually had to throw in extra spaces at the start of each new line, eyeballing things until I had an approximation of centre alignment. This is something I never did with “PASS”, and I found that doing so gave me more freedom to squeeze more stuff into the speech bubbles.

As immortalised by countless memes, you can’t rotate text in MS Paint either. I tried to use this to my advantage on the comic’s first page, where the steps between the words in Grimlock’s narration give them a faltering quality.

Grimlock’s narration actually ended up being one of the most challenging parts of the comic to write. I wrote a draft of the first page pretty quickly, but decided I wasn’t happy with it and that I’d have to replace it later - which I did, but only after having written pretty much every single other bit of dialogue.

I think the central conceit of “PASS” - that somebody’s farted and the Autobots are trying to find out who dealt it - didn’t solidify until I reached the second page and looked at Rodimus Prime’s body language. In much the same way, the crux of “The Beast Within (My Pants)” didn’t solidify until it came to writing Swoop’s line.

V. Me Grimlock Not Nice Dino

At some point during the creation of “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, I started thinking a lot about incels.

(To be clear, this is the part of the commentary where things get a bit weird, and I start talking about storytelling decisions which I think were made in poor taste but which I don’t think come across overtly in the comic itself. Feel free to skip ahead to the next section. Or, y’know, stop reading entirely.)

Grimlock is childish, despite his age, and is desperate to be liked - no, respected - at any cost. His only asset is his BRUTE STRENGTH. He hates Prime, but wishes he was Prime. He has trouble treating any of the other Autobots like people. He rages against an outgroup whose ideals are - at least ostensibly - rooted in empathy.

I wouldn’t say “I wrote a comic where Grimlock is an incel”, because that’d be a pretty stupid thing to write and I’d feel pretty stupid saying it.

Looking back at a lot of my previous work on this blog, some things do crop up again and again. In abstract, I’d say that the idea of a character seeking friendship and/or respect - and failing to understand why they can’t find those things - is one that I’ve revisited a couple of times. This was a strong theme in the latter half of Another Son - a story which dealt heavily in misanthropy - which featured a character inspired by Sam Witwicky from Michael Bay’s Transformers. The protagonist of Retrace Steps spent the whole story unable to even ask the question “why am I alone”. Many of the characters in Are You Happy - particularly Mr. Hernandez - deal with similar problems to varying extents.

So this makes, what, practically four stories in a row? I didn’t set out to approach things this way again with this comic, but from the moment I wrote Swoop’s line I knew I didn’t have a choice. When people talk about the Beast’s combination sequence, they talk about how violative it appears. Metal tentacles spring from Grimlock like one of Alien’s chestbursters, penetrating or melding with the other Dinobots’ bodies. After that, the resulting monstrosity ambles around, horrifically murdering its former peers. As much as I can have the characters in the story play this stuff off for laughs, I’ll never be able to erase the undercurrent.

This isn’t supposed to be a direct mapping - a perfect metaphor - and by the time this commentary’s done I hope I’ll have pointed in the direction of some alternate perspectives. It just seems important to put my cards on the table and say that, when I was working on this comic, this is the kinda thing I was thinking about. We thought children were safe with Transformers, and then a gun came and shot people they cared about, and for some reason we were surprised to see that they got upset.

With all of that in mind, I take some solace in the fact that I actually found getting into Grimlock’s head to be extremely difficult. His dialogue was a breeze to write, sure - that’s the outsider’s perspective - but actually trying to construct his thoughts in anything approximating a convincing manner was very difficult. The first draft of his narration literally included the phrase “we live in a society”.

VI. Such Heroic Nonsense

I’ve already touched on Terry van Feleday’s opus a couple of times, but I think it’s worth delving a little deeper into how exactly her analysis influenced this comic. For some reason the idea that nearly five-hundred pages of borderline-conspiracy-theorist-level ramblings about perhaps the most maligned movie franchise of the 21st century might be a tough sell is one which I can’t quite wrap my head around. I’d say that it’s because I’ve read the thing and already know that it’s good, but in truth I was pretty much sold from the moment I found out it existed.

Anyway, I frequently get into not-quite-arguments with internet strangers about Transformers, and during those discussions I frequently find myself saying “a good Transformers story should do X”, and then I have to resist the urge to add “like Michael Bay’s movies” because doing so would completely delegitimise the point I’m trying to make. The problem is that, because I’m deliberately omitting the context of my opinions, they come across as being even more bizarre.

I think that same problem exists in some capacity with this comic, where I’m drawing on sources which are intuitive to me but completely alien even to a typical Transformers fan. I’ve yet to even mention the other primary inspiration for this story, which is even more arcane.

Perhaps it’s important to stress that van Feleday doesn’t offer a typical "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron" take. Rather - and I realise I’m about to butcher this - she shows how the humans in Bay’s movies give increasing amounts of power to an alien cult leader because their only alternative is to get wiped out by an alien warlord. So in terms of this comic, “Autobots bad” is very much rooted in her reading of those movies, while “Decepticons good” is just something I thought would be funny.

Well, not exactly. I’ve already mentioned Combiner Wars; something that continues to baffle pretty much everyone who watched that show (and its sequels) is that, while it seems to have no idea what it’s doing most of the time, its portrayal of Megatron is an absolute riot. He is absolutely the protagonist of that series, the Only Sane Man in a world of bizarre psychotic caricatures. I think the same kinda holds in the continuity of my comic, only he’s had more time to bring the people he takes in around to his way of thinking.

Let’s not forget the official “good-is-bad” continuity of Shattered Glass, which - while heavily compromised - was the source of many interesting reinterpretations of popular characters. Effective reinterpretations require you to forget what you know about a character and strip them back to the core signifiers, which you can then put to different use. One of the posters in Terry van Feleday’s thread, “Lobok”, observes:

I like the idea that Bay or the writers looked at Optimus Prime and thought "What would a guy who calls himself that really act like?" Imagine you knew or heard of someone, a human, who called themselves the equivalent of "The #1 Bestest Superior" or "King Supreme Ultimate" - do you not picture either a 7-year old boy or a mentally deficient oo-rah alpha male? Maybe the two combined? Seems much more apt than a wise, noble father figure.

Of the course, I don’t for a second think that Michael Bay had any such thought - but the connection still exists for the audience to make. Therein lies one of the greatest unspoken strengths of Transformers storytelling: the sheer breadth and depth of the signifiers at play. Much of what van Feleday did in her thread was to boil down the concepts found in Transformers stories to reveal those core signifiers.

(Almost a year ago, I wrote a piece for the Refined Robot Co. blog which explored some of her findings by delving into the subtextual meanings of the countless alternate modes worn by Megatron over the years.)

By the same token, I think there’s something to be said for the way Grimlock’s alternate mode ties into his portrayal in my take on The Beast Within. He turns into a dinosaur - something which is rooted in the past, extinct, unable to develop - while most of the other Autobots turn into modern vehicles. Kids may love dinosaurs, but they’ll likely grow up to have a stronger interest in cars or tanks. Grimlock is immature almost to the point of childishness; his beast mode is the lizard king, and he doesn’t understand why you won’t bow.

(Obviously I’m making some big generalisations here for the sake of a point - the other Dinobots have their own prehistoric disguises, and kids’ interests develop in varied enough ways that perhaps this link is only noticeable to those who experienced the transition I describe. When I was much younger, I was obsessed with dinosaurs, and would consume all the dinosaur-related media I could get my hands on. Eventually, however, my crippling fear of sea monsters led me to stop reading books about them - I'd turn the page, see a full-spread painting of a pliosaur taking a bite out of a pterodactyl, and shit my pants. Okay, no, that’s a huge exaggeration: more likely it just got to the point where I knew basically all of the cool dinosaur facts already, and suddenly the deep lore of the grim darkness of the 41st millennium or whatever seemed way cooler. I just find it funnier to imagine that my prosperous future in paleontology was averted for fear that I’d discover the last living specimen of a plesiosaur.)

VII. Where’d You Learn To Talk Like That

Back in “PASS”, I think there was some question as to who exactly was the coolest dude; the biggest guy. Rodimus was in charge, but the others didn’t really respect his authority in the end. Although Triton was an underdog in that story, he wasn’t at the bottom of the pack - no, that role went to Roadbuster. Everyone seems to like Ultra Magnus, but it’s never really made clear as to why that is.

Grimlock’s personality and role within the Autobots was pretty much the first thing I solidified when it came to writing “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. I knew that he was the lowest of the low; the nail in every Autobot’s tyre. As Grimlock evolved, so too did Optimus Prime - the second-most-prominent character in the comic. "The #1 Bestest Superior" became a murderous jock, and the Autobots became his cult of personality.

Speaking of cults of personality, I’ve been posting regularly in the Homestuck Discord server since November of last year. There’s no other place like it on the internet, and - truth be told - I’m not sure any explanation of it I could provide would suffice. The server was created by some guy called Makin - at least, we're pretty sure he’s a guy - who nobody’s ever met but who seems to have an uncanny knack for managing online communities.

Major events in that server have been comprehensively catalogued since July of 2017 by long-standing moderator “Drew Linky” in his journal Several People Are Typing. Between the entries and the related materials, it’s probably around half a million words in length. There’s no other document like it on the internet.

For the first fifty or so pages, Drew had no intention of making his document public. Apparently, one of the reasons he wrote it in the first place was as a way of holding Makin accountable - the guy used to be (and sometimes still is) a bit of an ass. Now, I wasn’t around in 2017, so I can’t really comment on the accuracy of the document’s early entries - but as a newcomer I was struck by how different Drew’s depiction of the server was to my own experience there. If I had to guess, I’d say his style of prose and the cherry-picked nature of the document make it seem like a much more hostile place than it actually is.

In particular, Makin effectively starts out as journal’s main villain (alongside various problem users and Homestuck creators) - a capricious and unknowable entity with absolute power over the server - and many of the entries deal in some way with what users jokingly refer to as his “redemption arc”. Of course, in reality, he’s just some guy, and everyone knows that real people don’t have character arcs.

I still haven’t finished reading SPAT, but I was doing so around the time when I was working on the comic. At some point I started to draw parallels between my bizarro version of Optimus Prime and the journal’s bizarro version of Makin, and I decided to play them up. Much of Prime’s dialogue is inspired by Makin’s style of speech, using phrases like “shut the fuck up”, “nobody cares”, “holy shit”, “get fucked”, “lmao”, “literally”, “literally [...] who”, “guys”, “rational” and “you’re welcome”. I just checked and at the time of writing, with the exception of “literally who” and “you’re welcome”, he’s used every one of those phrases within the last week. Oh, and while the word “suckers” isn’t really a Makin quote, in Homestuck it’s associated with the not-quite-biggest-bad evil empress. It bears mentioning again that the complete lack of punctuation in the comic’s dialogue mirrors the most common style of typing I see online, where people drop their capital letters and full stops.

(In fairness, a lot of us kinda talk the same way in that server. I remember one time Makin said “I also need to worry about lmao becoming some kind of anime catchphrase for me”, which cut pretty deep as I’ve been overusing that phrase instead of “lol” or “haha” or whatever for ages. Look, it’s just a funny word to me: in my head I pronounce it “luh-mayo” instead of “el-em-ay-oh”. Like “I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes / saying aaay-oh / I ordered maaayo...”)

In the comic, the self-aggrandising Optimus Prime is hostile and dismissive to those around him. It might all be a front, but it might not. Even though Grimlock hates Optimus, the Dinobot seems to agree with him a lot of the time, and the narrative itself never really manages to conclusively condemn his actions. The name “Optimus” echoes the word “optimise”; so frequently thrown around in rationalist circles. One could even go so far as to say that Optimus Prime’s ultimate goal in the comic is to kill death-in-the-form-of-a-shitposter.

In seriousness, I’m drawing these comparisons in a pretty tongue-in-cheek way. I don’t actually think that the Homestuck Discord server is a cult of personality - even if, to check the user-contributed “SPAT Epilogues”, some of its populace seem determined to behave like it is. Even if this section of this commentary exists. At the end of the day, I’m gonna write what I know, and I like to think that I know a little about online communities and what happens when they go wrong. I wish I could say that “The Beast Within (My Pants)” is a cautionary tale to that effect, but in truth I don’t think it offers any conclusive answers in the same way that “PASS” perhaps did. “Only worry about the opinions of people who actually care about you,” maybe? “Death is an abomination and we shouldn’t let it anywhere near our kids”, perhaps? “You can’t force other people to like you”?

“You can’t force other people to like the things you made”?

VIII. Burnt-Out Toaster Ovens

In the re-released version of “PASS”, it seemed right to throw in something in the way of extra content. I had fond memories of the Seacon profiles published alongside the original “Peace”, and lifted the format to create short bios for all sixteen characters who appeared in the comic. These fitted neatly on a four-by-four spread (though I ended up merging Topspin and Twin Twist’s profiles and throwing in an extra one for Computron, who did not appear in the comic proper).

From the start, I knew I wanted to do something similar for “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. In fact, I already had two text-only pages to work with; each part of the original comic was prefaced with a prose introduction and a note from Mr. Gibson. I decided that I could rework the text-only pages and add another spread of profiles, using the freedom granted by prose to explain away many of the comic’s oddities.

It took me some time to carefully erase the existing text from the scans that I had, using nothing but the brush tool in MS Paint. It took me even more time to work out some potential approaches to take with the text itself. Eventually, I came up with the following ideas:

A flashback depicting Grimlock and Swoop’s breakup.

A conversation between Grimlock and Jazz (or, perhaps, Slash).

“How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, the interlude which I ended up using.

A synopsis of events between “its christmas... so what??” and “The Beast Within (My Pants)”, which ended up being my first stab at the introduction.

Some in-character commentary as Mr. Gibson, which I did end up including.

From the moment I conceived it, I was pretty set on “How Ratchet Got His Head Back”, and it ended up being a breeze to write. I didn’t end up getting a chance to squeeze in the title - a reference to an issue of More than Meets the Eye - as it didn’t really fit the original format of the page. The introduction, on the other hand, proved much more challenging. My main problem was that, were I to preface the story with a text page, I’d be asking them to read a bunch of probably-mostly-serious words before allowing them to read the comic proper. Not the best first impression!

Nonetheless, I gave it a go - you can read my first attempt in the album of the draft pages. It mostly served to lay out the continuity between my three comics. Rodimus Prime’s crew were abandoned on Cybertron by Optimus Prime (presumably Hot Rod changed his name in Optimus’ absence). Megatron, Optimus and their crews crash-landed on Earth, and millions of years later the events of “its christmas... so what??” occurred. Meanwhile on Cybertron, it took a few million years for the other Autobots to wipe out the remaining Decepticons, as seen in “PASS”. Humanity was wiped out by Optimus in retribution for their transgression (a nod to Mr. Gibson’s depiction of Earth as an empty wasteland), prompting the conflict seen in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. Much of this timeline remains implicit in the final version of the comic.

When I wrote it, I was pretty happy with the way this information was conveyed in the first draft. It was the ever-ardent Gitaxian - one of my long-time prereaders - who made me realise just what a mistake I’d made:

Something was rubbing me the wrong way about that first prose page and I finally realized what it is / Expositing that Optimus is horrible right off the bat takes away a good chunk of the impact the comic had before you added it

He was right. My prereaders’ initial response to the comic was that Optimus Prime’s motivations were completely opaque, and I overcorrected, not realising that his inscrutability was one of the things that made him interesting. You kinda want him to behave like the Optimus Prime you know and love, but he keeps doing weird things and you never really find out why.

Suddenly, I was back at square one - no closer to having a clear idea of how to introduce the comic. Another of my prereaders, gearshift, had the solution:

It's Transformers or some shit. You've seen the cartoon right? The one with the tape guy? Yeah, the tape guy is barely in this one. What do you mean no sale? Look, fuck, it's got the dinosaur guy. He's right on the goddamn cover, you like the dinosaur guy right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Bitch.

I liked her pitch because it seemed like it’d do a good job of filtering out readers who wouldn’t enjoy the comic. To quote Alexander Wales, author of Worth the Candle:

I kind of hate blurbs and taglines, especially for something so large and varied as Worth the Candle / My ideal synopsis would tell people what kind of story it was without actually telling them that much about the story; it would select for all the people who would fall in love with the story, and select against all the people who would find it a waste of time. / How to actually write that ... I've got no idea.

(Side note: I’m one of the people who fell in love with that story, to the point where I’ll use any opportunity to recommend it to others. It’s maybe my favourite thing written by anyone ever.)

A closely-related issue is that of content warnings: so far as I’ve been able to work out, there is no warning which I can give for “The Beast Within (My Pants)” which adequately selects against people who won’t like it while also preserving its conceptual twists and avoiding colouring the audience’s interpretation.

Getting back to the actual content of the introduction - I wound up writing less than I would’ve liked, leaving the page looking a little sparse, but hopefully making things easier for the reader. There’s relatively little to talk about in the way of trivia here. When I wrote the phrase “cut right to the spectacles” I was probably thinking of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut To The Feeling”. When I mentioned “moist towelettes” I was probably thinking of Hawthorne Wipes. The phrase “truth time” was an iconic - to me, and literally no-one else in existence - line spoken by the trolling narrator of a crack story written by a high school friend of mine, the energy of which I feel like I’ve always been channelling with these comics.

The interlude, on the other hand, is crammed full of references and was a breeze to write. It was the first piece of prose I completed for the project. In general, I was trying to write in a verbose style that would be simultaneously at odds with the bulk of the issue and reminiscent of the prose of veteran Transformers scribe Simon Furman. He was known for using certain distinctive phrases repeatedly in his writing - one such phrase being “like some vast, predatory bird”. The phrase “neither sufficient inclination nor wingspan” is supposed to subtly evoke another Furmanism: “CANNOT, WILL NOT”.

In all likelihood, the interlude would not have existed had I not noticed that Ratchet’s head was in its cartoon colours in the first part of the story, but in its Marvel colours for the second. I had the idea to explain that error away in story - tying into the general schtick of “correcting” the comic - and did so by way of a reference to Ratchet’s original toy, which had a sticker with a face on it behind the windshield rather than a proper head. I was also determined to highlight the fact that Predaking’s legs remain standing for like three pages; I think this minor detail in the artwork is pretty indicative of the fact that Mr. Gibson did a good job.

The way Swoop’s contribution to the combiner is described as “puny” ties nicely to the history established between him and Grimlock in his profile. I like the way the Beast tries to hit Optimus Prime with a “truck-sized fist”. The “antimemetic shielding” was my attempt to explain the recurring disappearances of Optimus Prime’s trailer in a novel way - I did so by namedropping the key phrase from qntm’s There Is No Antimemetics Division; the trailer’s there, you just can’t perceive it and forget that it exists. Finally, “dull surprise” refers to the vague expressions that characterised Dreamwave’s house style.

For the most part, I was able to retain the ordering of the pages as in the original comic, to keep things print-friendly. The one exception to this is the prose page for the second part, which I unfortunately had to move forward so that its cover could fall across a spread. The original comics must’ve included something in the way of backmatter - art cards, perhaps, or adverts - which made up the space.

The huge cast of The Beast Within made creating a profile for every character an impossible task (especially when so many are just crowd-fillers like some of the Technobots were in “PASS”) - but it was perfectly possible to provide one for each non-combiner character with a speaking role.

(If you’ll indulge me in one last barely-relevant tangent as we head into the final stretch of this commentary, there are some rather odd inclusions/omissions in The Beast Within. On the Autobot side, pretty much every 1984-1985 character appears, with the exceptions of Trailbreaker, Hoist, Tracks, Smokescreen, Grapple, Beachcomber, Seaspray, Perceptor and Omega Supreme. The Autobot combiner teams are absent with the odd exception of Silverbolt. Twin Twist - who had been pretty much entirely absent from the original US fiction - makes an odd appearance without his partner Topspin. Steeljaw is the only one of the four 1986 Autobot cassettes to appear. Meanwhile, on the Decepticon side, oddities include the toy-inspired versions of Viewfinder and Spectro (most of the rest of the cast use cartoon-inspired character models) and the omissions of Spyglass and Buzzsaw. Some Decepticon combiner team members - Motormaster, Wildrider, Breakdown, Blast Off and Swindle - only appear in combined form. Just two of the four 1986 triple changers - Springer and Octane - appear in the comic, looking slightly out-of-place in a cast consisting mostly of characters present in the first two seasons of the cartoon. Oh, and the Deluxe Vehicles and Deluxe Insecticons are absent, but that’s to be expected in a cartoon-inspired setting.)

Here’s the first draft of Optimus Prime’s profile:

Unpredictable. Unstoppable. Unrepentant. Many words have been used to describe OPTIMUS PRIME, yet the abrasive leader of the Autobots remains something of an enigma even amongst his followers. He has ruled Cybertron for many millenia, by dint of the fact that he's apparently the only Cybertronian with a shred of competence.

It’s a product of the time where I wanted to really flesh out Optimus Prime and communicate his thoughts clearly to the audience, and as such is pretty blunt with how it characterises him. The final version is a little more subtle, drawing in elements of the scrapped introduction. I figure I may as well go through the other profiles one-by-one to give a sense for what I was thinking:

Megatron initially had a much more personal bio - which seems to have been lost to time - but I wound up cutting much of it to make space for elements of the story’s scrapped introduction.

Starscream draws inspiration from van Feleday’s interpretation of the character - she posited that Michael Bay’s version of the character was actually the Decepticon most loyal to Megatron. The contrast between that interpretation and pretty much every other in the franchise’s history (excluding Shattered Glass Starscream, of course) is pretty funny to me. I tried to use the phrase “fools errands” in as benign a way as possible, which I felt evoked a more traditional relationship between him and Megatron. “Starscream, you fool!”

Razorclaw has little in the way of characterisation in the comic beyond “noble warrior”, and his profile is a wholesale reference to The Chronicles of Narnia: he stands in for Aslan; the rest of the Predacons for the Pevensie siblings. So yes, this version of Razorclaw is a Christ-like figure. As for the witch... maybe Blackarachnia? Eh, who cares. Oh, and the idea of combining with a dead bot was one which cropped up a few times in IDW’s comics, most notably with the Combaticons in Mairghread Scott’s Till All Are One.

Onslaught was in a similar boat to Razorclaw. I found myself drawing from Till All Are One once more, hinting at a (complicated?) romance between him and another teammate.

Blitzwing has only one speaking role in the comic - a shared line with Megatron and Starscream - but I decided to count it for the sake of having a nice set of sixteen characters once more. In Transformers Animated, Blitzwing had multiple personalities, and would change forms depending on which was in control. This interpretation of the character has seen plenty of criticism, so I deliberately tried to come up with something new. I quickly settled upon the idea of tying his vehicle forms to his mood, a metaphor which seemed to dovetail nicely with the way aerial alternate forms were treated in “PASS” and which also allowed me to cement the Decepticons’ supportiveness.

Bulkhead was borne of the realisation that Springer appears prominently in both “Peace” and The Beast Within. This inconsistency is entirely the product of my decision to place my versions of those comics in the same continuity, and I decided to correct it in the tradition of “Bluster” and “Firster Aid” by having them be two separate (but related) characters. I named the new Springer after Energon Bulkhead, who was inspired by “Generation 1″ Springer - the name’s since been used more prominently by an Animated-original character and variations thereof, and is effectively fair game for “Generation 1″ stories. His actual characterisation was inspired by Springer’s behaviour in “PASS” - I liked the idea that Bulkhead bullied Springer, and Springer bullied everyone else in turn. Oh, and I wanted to tie their helicopter modes back to Blitzwing’s profile on a thematic level.

Bumblebee is the only character from “its christmas... so what??” to recur with a speaking role in “The Beast Within (My Pants)”. After scrapping the original introduction I’d planned for the comic, I was left with a single profile to bridge the gap between the two stories. My original idea was that, for their negligence in allowing the humans to steal Bumblebee’s blood, Prowl, Tracks, and Hoist would have been executed by Optimus Prime - though I’m sure he didn’t pull the trigger himself, it’s safe to assume that he didn’t warn them before setting off the nukes.

Ratchet has a characterisation inspired by something “Jonny Angel” posted in van Feleday’s thread: “Ratchet is an ambulance who practices no medicine”.

Jazz is an extremely prominent character in the comic, despite the fact that his only line is a scream in the opening panel. The comic relies on the wider context of the brand to let the audience be invested in him, but in a vacuum it’s kinda funny to see the Autobots fret so much over an effective nobody. Pretty much the entire joke in my version is just a reference to Ryan Gosling’s misguided quest to “save jazz” in La La Land - some of his character’s lines are lifted wholesale to comprise Jazz’s profile, which takes pains to avoid using any kind of pronouns (thereby maintaining the confusion over whether or not “Jazz” refers to the character or the music genre). His profile was the first I wrote.

Ironhide has a role amongst the Autobots loosely inspired by that of Drew Linky (or at least, the version of Drew Linky presented by SPAT) in the Homestuck Discord. I thought there was some symmetry there with Ironhide’s history in IDW Publishing’s comics.

Skids was a tricky character to portray, but ultimately his profile turned out to be one of the ones I’m happiest with. It’s kind of a loose riff on his portrayal towards the back end of James Roberts’ stories, where much of his arc revolved around his relationship with Nautica. According to Word of God, he had unrequited feelings for her - I decided to amp this up by giving him unrequited feelings for everyone. To tie this back to Homestuck, think Eridan/Cronus. Oh, and in terms of the Homestuck Discord server, think your typical hornyposter (and then follow the implications through in terms of Optimus Prime/Makin). The actual name “Skids Maximus” is a play on the way the suffix “Maximus” has historically been used for some combiners, “Optimus Maximus” in particular. I’m convinced I’m not the first person to do a joke like that, but nobody I asked could think of any older examples.

Grimlock was fleshed out pretty well by the comic itself, so I took his profile as an opportunity to expand upon the history of the Dinobots. I saw them as being akin to a group of friends who stuck together throughout school, winding up as an impenetrably toxic and incestuous mess with a ton of deep lore. In a way, there was a time when I was the Grimlock of my group of friends... but we all grew up.

Swoop is Grimlock’s ex-partner, a concept inspired by the other Dinobot combiner we all wish we could forget about. I’m pretty happy with the use of the word “bottom” in this context.

Snarl is based on a combination of various people I’ve known in real life - people who are perfectly nice and reasonable but have zero patience around certain other individuals. From the outside, it’s behaviour that comes across as pretty damn harsh, but - and please note that this is not an endorsement of such behaviour - it’s usually the product of a long period of aggravations.

Jetfire was the last character introduced in the comic, so it felt fitting to save his profile until last. His biography is effectively a mashup of his portrayals in the original cartoon (where he gets frozen in the Arctic Circle) and in Revenge of the Fallen (where he was a Seeker who wound up on Earth), a combination which neatly parallels Bay’s Megatron’s origins. It also references J.J. Abram’s infamous “mystery box” storytelling device, which I intended to mirror the offbeat lack of closure in the comic itself.

The final challenge I faced - one which had hounded me throughout the development of the comic - was what exactly to title it. Titles considered included:

“The BEE” (Tindalos’ suggestion)

“The BEE Within”

“The REEEE Within”

“SHIT” (Gitaxian’s suggestion)

“IM THE BEAST”

“AWWW SHIT” (Fear or Courage’s suggestion)

“AW SHIT ITS THE BEAST”

None of these resonated. Then, almost a whole month later, out of nowhere:

This was the entirety of Daniel111111222222’s contribution to the story - and what a contribution it was.

There were several reasons why I loved his idea. Firstly, it was easy to edit: most of the other suggestions would’ve required me to move lots of letters around, while this one would simply require me to append a few. More importantly, it felt like the title of a Chuck Tingle novel.

The subtitle for the second part - “No Pants” - seemed like a natural choice after that, the idea being that it evokes Grimlock’s inhibitions falling away with his transformation into the Beast. It narrowly edged out “Pants Off”, which I managed to squeeze into the final version of the introduction.

The parentheses in the comic’s title were my own addition, and in retrospect I kinda regret them. They seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m not sure why. I was wrong to try and improve upon perfection.

IX. Why Throw Away Your Life So Recklessly

So far, the bulk of this commentary has mostly focused on the aspects of this project which I think went pretty well. In a way, that's probably fair enough, because - on balance - I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

At the same time, I can't help feeling that “PASS” - a comic which I probably threw together in the space of one day two years ago - is both funnier and more meaningful than the one which I spent a couple of weeks on.

When I started working on “The Beast Within (My Pants)” towards the beginning of May, I expected to have the project finished and out of the door by the end of the month. If you glance at the release dates of the various things I made, you'll see that I like to put out major projects on the last day of a month - it's a way of setting myself a deadline and it lets me associate a given project with a given period of time.

My first draft of the dialogue was released to prereaders on the 11th of May; my second on the 13th. Around that point, exam season started to kick in and I decided to prioritise to other projects - the Retrace Steps commentary and the Are You Happy retrospective - which both ballooned out into much longer pieces than I'd planned. I successfully met my self-imposed deadline for those projects and pushed back the release date for the comic to the end of June. I released the first drafts of the text-only pages on the 9th, but the profiles didn't follow until the 24th. By the time you read this, I'll have been working on the project on-and-off for over three months; despite the fact that I was ostensibly on vacation for most of that time, I was somehow busier than I tend to be at university.

For context, it took me just four months to adapt Retrace Steps from a short film script to a webcomic (well, “webcomic”), and that was a process which actually required original artwork. At the time I noted that I needed to re-evaluate the way I approached commentaries, as the amount of time required to produce one of a high standard seemed only to increase - they're extremely valuable to me, and seem to be well-received by the few who read them, but are they justifiable if they take longer to create than the things they comment on?

All of this is my long-winded way of saying that I've probably spent more time thinking about The Beast Within than the vast majority of people who know about it, and that I kinda regret that. See, in the sense that The Beast Within provokes a visceral emotional reaction, it’s a “good comic” - but so too does a punch to the face. The Beast Within is not a good comic. It’s mean and deconstructive and poorly-done. My version is borne of contrarianism and hubris, and softens the blow not one bit.

At the time when I was writing Grimlock's dialogue, I found that my own typing style was becoming increasingly acidic.

The truth is that “PASS” is probably the most successful thing I have ever made, and I wanted to make a comic which would put it to shame, and I failed miserably. In fact, I feel like I’ve made something which only I could ever enjoy. It’s derivative in the extreme. As my deadline for this project drew closer, I resorted to drafting bits of the commentary on my phone in public, and at one point somebody idly asked me what I was writing, and - after failing to think of a convincing lie - I said something along the lines of “it’s kinda a long story, and I wouldn’t enjoy telling it, and you wouldn’t enjoy hearing about it”. They seemed perfectly satisfied by that answer, but I wasn’t.

Must we justify the things we create? Mr. Jamieson’s attitude seemed to be to say “screw you, I don’t have to justify myself to stupid people” (while pointing at everybody else in the room). My attitude, as evinced by this commentary, has been to justify every aspect of everything I make in excruciating detail, so that if you tell me “I don’t like X” I can say “I already explained why I thought X was a good idea” and you can say “well you were wrong” and I can say “maybe”.

You’ve probably twigged that, throughout this commentary, I’ve referred to the creators of The Beast Within only by second name. At first, perhaps, it came across as some mark of mocking respect - like citing a scientific source - but the real reason is cowardice, not confidence. Some people occasionally put their own names into Google. There’s a couple of people to whom I really don’t want to have to justify myself.

Over a decade after the release of the The Beast Within, Hasbro released a brand new set of Dinobot toys which combined to form Volcanicus. The creators of the Prime Wars Trilogy and of the Earth Wars mobile game gleefully included the new combiner in their stories, and the fandom at large embraced it wholeheartedly.

As her thread drew to a close, Terry van Feleday wrote something which I think about often:

Of course [...] let’s not forget that no matter the amount of earnest work put into something, sometimes it just turns out shit. There’s a strange perception I noticed in critical response where people seem to find it difficult to consider something both earnest or satirical and, well, not very well made. Sucker Punch can’t be an honest indictment of cinematic objectification and a somewhat poorly conceived, almost hypocritical attempt at being more clever than you should. Transformers can’t be an inversion of the traditional hero/villain narrative showcasing the effects of authoritarian propaganda and a meandering, under-focused, often poorly communicated, destructive mess. Maybe it’s a strange entertainment-version of the Just World Fallacy where lacking results must necessarily result from lacking effort, or maybe it’s modern audiences’ strange worship of subversiveness, where a work critical of old tropes must by default be better than the works it’s commenting on throwing to the dustbin of history, but either way, people are extremely resistant to the idea that films they found emotionally dissatisfying could express depth and meaning and tend to dismiss them as another ‘genre film’.

Mr. Gibson is a children’s picture book illustrator. The Beast has no place on his website.

X. Proceed On Your Way To Oblivion

TFNation - the UK’s biggest Transformers convention - has become something of an annual pilgrimage for me, and (as of the time of writing) I’ll be making that pilgrimage in a matter of days. If you see me there, feel free to come over and punch me. Or, y’know, just say hi. I’ll have some limited-edition printed copies of “PASS” to give out. For more information on that - and for infrequent Transformers-related musings and updates on future projects - wander on over to my twitter!

What are those future projects? Well, after the convention I’m planning to release an original short story. It’s not very good, but it’s got a few stylistic similarities to this comic (read: lots of swearing). I might have a little bit in the way of Transformers prose coming out down the line, but can’t really elaborate further on the form that’ll take. I’ve been planning to get back to Huskyquest for ages, and hopefully I’ll finally be able to do so once I settle back down at university. After that, I plan to focus my efforts on prose, so you may as well expect more radio silence from me.

If you’ve made it to the end of this almost-fifteen-thousand-word monstrosity, you, uhh... win all my internet points? Sorry, that’s all I have.

Remind me never to do this again.

#Transformers #comics #The Beast Within #The Beast Within (My Pants)#The Wadapan #14/08/2019

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thearkhound · 5 years ago

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CGWorld: Metal Gear Survive interview

The following is a translation of an interview with Konami developers Mineshi Kimura and Noriaki Yamamoto that was published by the Japanese website CG World Entry on February 21, 2018. While this article mainly serves as a promotional piece for Metal Gear Survive, it actually covers quite bit of Metal Gear Solid V too and even briefly touches upon on Mr. Yamamoto’s work as a pixel artist for the Castlevania games released on the Nintendo DS. This was actually the fourth in a series of articles published by CG World aimed at CGI artists hoping to join the video game industry, with previous entries focusing other games and companies such as Dark Souls III by FromSoftware and Monster Hunter World by Capcom. I might translate those too in the future.

The original Japanese article can be read at the following page:

https://entry.cgworld.jp/column/post/201802-c-konami.html

Profiles

Mineshi Kimura - Project Manager. Joined Konami in 1997 after graduating in graphic designs from the Tama University. He has been involved in the mecha and graphic production of the Metal Gear franchise from the original Metal Gear Solid (1998) up to Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015). He served as project manager in Metal Gear Survive (2018).

Noriaki Yamamoto - Graduated from the Department of Mechanical Engineering in the Tokyo University of Science in 1997. Joined the Konami School in 1999. He was involved with the Castlevania series, creating pixel art for characters, weapons and icons, up until Castlevania: Order of Ecclessia (2008). He was involved in the modelling and designing of weapons and mecha in titles such as Neo Contra (2004), Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes (2014), Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015) and Metal Gear Survive (2018).

Konami Digital Entertainment - The digital entertainment subsidiary of Konami Holdings (itself, originally established in 1973 as Konami Industry) which branched off in 2006. They are involved in the planning, production, manufacturing and sales of console games, mobile games and card games. Currently headquartered in Minato, Tokyo.

Metal Gear Survive - The latest installment of the Metal Gear series, released on February 21, 2018. A spinoff of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015) that reconstructs it as a survival game while retaining its high sense of action. We’ll be covering the designs and modelling of the mechas and weapons that appear in the game during the latter half of this article.

Determining the Designs and Coloring of a Character

First of all, can you please tell us about your career up to this point and your current employment

Kimura: I’ve learned graphic design from the Tama Art University and then I’ve joined Konami in 1997. Since then I’ve been involved with the making of the mechs and scenery for the Metal Gear series. From Metal Gear Survive and onward I’ve been mostly in charge of project management, leaving the creative process to other people, starting with Yamamoto. My job is to support everyone else on their work.

Yamamoto: After studying mechanical engineering at the Tokyo University of Science, I studied 3D CGI and game development at the Konami School, joining the company in 1999. I was in charge of drawing pixel art for the characters, weapons and icons in the Castlevania series until 2008 and I was also in charge of designing and modelling the mecha in Neo Contra, which was released in 2004. I’ve been in charged of modelling and designing the weapons and mecha of the Metal Gear series after being assigned to the Metal Gear Solid V project. There are also many setups that I use myself. The tools that I use include Maya, SoftImage, ZBrush, Substance Painter and Photoshop.

Kimura: Since Yamamoto’s specialty is mecha, I think the content of what we will be talking will fall out of the scope of this article series. Nevertheless, Yamamoto was in charge of the modelling of Metal Gear Sahelanthropus, the leading mecha of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. He started with the idea of wanting to transform it. Therefore, we have many stories that could be helpful to those who want to create a robot.

We’ll look forward to it. It’s pretty unusual for an artist to had majored in mechanical engineering, but it seems to be advantageous when it comes to designing mechas. But before you tell us about Sahelanthropus, can you talk about your involvement with the Castlevania series? We would like to cover your work, from the past to the present, in chronological order.

Yamamoto: I did the pixel art for characters, weapons and icons featured in Dawn of Sorrow (2005), Portrait of Ruin (2006) and Order of Ecclesia (2008). In this case, we would designed the characters in pixel art first and then we would ask the illustrators to draw detailed designs and artwork for the characters.

You mean the pixel art was done before the official art?

Yamamoto: That’s right. Since these are video game characters, we prioritize their visibility while moving on-screen when it comes to deciding their designs and color schemes. We actually implemented the pixel art in the actual game, refining it to perfection while checking out its visibility while moving.

Pixel art for various Castlevania protagonists. From left to right: Soma Cruz from Dawn of Sorrow, Jonathan Morris and Charlotte Aulin from Portrait of Ruin, and Shanoa from Order of Ecclesia. Each character has a design and a color scheme that helped emphasize its visibility on-screen. In the case of Soma for example, white was chosen due to how it’s easy to view on the dark LCD screen used by the portable game machines at the time. Jonathan and Charlotte appear and fight on-screen as a pair, so they were color-coded to make them distinguishable.

Official art of the same characters from the 2010 gameCastlevania: Harmony of Despair. The official art was based on the existing pixel art.

Designing Mecha Like It’s A Toy

Can you tell us the circumstances that led you to propose a transformation gimmick to Sahelanthropus?

Yamamoto: I was assigned to the Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance (2013) project during the middle of its development. Because of that I wasn’t assigned on any of the large mechas, but I was devising mechanisms for even the smallest things with the aim of high quality. After that I was assigned to the Metal Gear Solid V project and was put in charge of modelling the Sahelanthropus, and I think that’s when the opporunity presented itself.

So the evaluation of your previous work had a great impact on your next one.

Yamamoto: Not only that, but it also helped in clarifying what I like to work on everyday. If you keep going on and on, you will eventually find work that you will want to do. I think everyone likes to leave the most important work to someone who likes it and knows it well.

Kimura: Yamamoto’s specialty is plastic models. He’s always building one. Moreover, since he majored in mechanical engineering in college, his love for mecha and engineering oozes in his work.

Yamamoto: I’ve been building models since childhood and I like transforming mecha, so I often thought about their gimmicks. When I started drawing in 3D CGI, I started making such gimmicks myself and began appreciating mecha even more. I was pretty glad when they put me in charge of Sahelanthropus. Because it was the most prominent mecha, I did my best without holding back.

Design illustration of the Sahelanthropus drawn for Metal Gear Solid V.

The 3DCGI model of the Sahelanthropus. Initially it only had the upright bipedal form on the left, but the ability to transform into the Rex-like form on the right was added thanks to Yamamoto’s proposal.

Yamamoto: Ever since I first saw the design of Sahelanthropus, I wanted it to transform into a shape similar to Metal Gear Rex (the mecha from the original Metal Gear Solid). I have a personal passion for Rex and I’m sure many fans of the series feel the same way. While Sahelanthropus was almost unchanged from its original design, we thought of adding a gimmick that allowed it to transform into Rex forum and experimented with a rough a 3D model. The transformation gimmick was well-received, so we were able to adopt it without any issue.

That specifcation change must have had a significant effect on the game.

Yamamoto: We were able to get such proposal accepted since we were involved with the Metal Gear Solid V project from the very beginning. When it gets to the stage of having to come up with the details, we designed it under the assumption that it will be turned into a toy such as a figure or a plastic model, so we make sure that the individual parts will operate without interfering with each other. As a result, the transformation can now occur within the game without the individual 3DCG parts having to overlap with each other. My experience with plastic models helped me in this regard. Because the gimmick with knee is quite complex, I thought it would’ve been impossible to reproduce without metal parts, so I was surprised when the official toy ended up using actual metal parts.

Kimura: I think it’s a great benefit to have the intuition of knowing how to adapt it into a toy. Moreover, I think it’s wonderful that we could add our own original ideas such as wanting a transformation gimmick and not just do what we’re told to do.

The transformation process of Sahelanthropus. “I thought a transformation might be possible if you can somehow manage with the dexterity of its upright form, but I what I actually struggled with was the transformation of its feet.” says Yamamoto. “The actual Metal Gear Rex has so-called ‘reverse joints’ for its feet and I was asked to reproduce in Sahelanthropus’ second form. But if we reproduce it too closely, we cannot used the same rig as its standard form, so we solved this issue by making the knees double-jointed.” Kimura added “Using the same rig consistently will make it easier for the animator to work with. When making a character during game development in this matter, it is necessary to consider points such as whether the thing will collapse if another rig is added or if there will be any issue if more animation is added.”

Sahelanthropus, as it appears in the game.

Making Things Without The Knowledge

Can you tell us about other things that Mr. Yamamoto was assigned to while working on Metal Gear Solid V?

Kimura: From Metal Gear Solid V and onward, we’ve been designing all the mechas that appear in the game. Yamamoto in particular was in charge of designinf the tanks and jets, as well as modelling the Walker Gears. Although the Walker Gears are an original design, we aimed for a sense of a realism that wouldn’t make them stand out too much from real weapons, so we came up with a design that matches the historical background of the 1970′s and 1980′s by researching weapons used by actual military during that period. We followed that same process when designing the wardrobe and props used by characters. If someone without the knowledge ended up coming up with the designs, they might look cool at a glance, but they’ll lack sense of realism, so it’s not a job you could just give to anyone.

Yamamoto: Since weapons are industrial product, each part has its significance and its purpose. It’s essential for the manufacturing to have good productivity. You design while thinking whether this part will be designed by pressing, welding or minting. Good maintainability, such as whether they can be easily removed with bolts, is also important.

It seems that the setting verification and investigation during the prior stage takes a lot more work than the actual designing and modelling.

Yamamoto: The work itself is not all that time consuming. Given that we model each part one by one, research how the paint scrapes off and how it gets dirtied, and then try to reproduce that, that’s what actually takes our time. (laughs)

How long does it take to build just one mecha?

Yamamoto: It depends on the model. Some will take around two weeks, while others will take more than a month. If there are elements that affect the gameplay, then further validation and adjustments might be required. For example, if someone order us to have a vehicle that shoots long-range missiles, then a 3D model will be implemented in-game, actually move it, verify it, and make any necessary adjustments.’’

Many of the vehicles shown here were designed by Mr. Yamamoto.

A couple of tanks designed by Mr. Yamamoto.

A fighter jet that Yamamoto was in charge of designing. “One of the methods of designing an aircraft is called the ‘area rule’.” says Mr. Yamamoto. “It states that shortening the cross-sectional area reduces air resistance. Many real-life fighter jets are designed based on this rule. By applying the same rule to the fighter jets we design for the game, our sense of realism is improved.” The jet’s design follows the area rule such as the main wings having a small fuselage in order to enlarge the cross-sectional area or shifting the position of the vertical and horizontal tails. Such attention to detail reinforces the sense of realism in the game.

D-Walker, a Walker Gear used specifically by Snake.

D-Walker, as it appears in the game.

Working With Partner Companies

What kind of work did you do in Metal Gear Survive?

Yamamoto: In addition to designing and modelling the weapons and mecha, several 3D models were also outsourced to partner companies. In past, when we outsourced some models for another project, parts of my instructions were unclear and the resulting 3D model was very different from what I’ve conceived in my mind. Based on that reflection, this time we started by making a rough 3D model, implemented into the game, and verify if it doesn’t feel out of place even while moving. After that, we create a design sketch and sent it to our partner company along with the previously-created 3D model.

Concept drawings of the JET Hammer designed by Yamamoto. “We render the outline only as a rough 3D model and then we draw over it using Photoshop” says Yamamoto. “I was conscious of how mechanism would actually work and the realism in the composition of parts. I think we came up with a unique item thanks to that.”

A CGI model of the JET Hammer developed by an external company based on the prior image.

Kimura: Our work is practically done when creating the design drawing. (bitter smile) I think Yamamoto’s responsibilities were pretty large, since the instructions I gave him were quite detailed. But it was because of that we’ve been able to come up with 3D models with a higher degree of perfection than ever before. Some of them were approved the first time, which was quite surprising. Prior to that, we usually redid the models at least twice.

Yamamoto: I believe our partners were able to concentrate on improving the quality thanks to the fact that they were not lost when it came to the shapes, sizes and structures. It might seem done at that point, but there’s actually a lot more work to be done afterward such as making the vertices of the polygons suitable for the game, creating various textures and adjusting the shaders.

Does the number of polygons change from the rough shape?

Yamamoto: It depends on the game’s specifications. Sometimes the number of polygons remains almost the same, but sometimes the number might increase or reduce greatly.

Concept art of the wormhole transporter constructed by Yamamoto. “I’ve ordered a design from somebody else, but it wouldn’t hold up together completely, so I’ve decided to redid the design myself” says Yamamoto. “The final design matches the game’s specifications, such as attaching an energy unit that shows its working status or having pole-shaped lights that can be seen from a distance.”

CGI model of the wormhole transporter outsourced to a partner company.

Kimura: While implementing a 3D model into the game, Yamamoto can talk to the directors and planners of game to find out whether it’s fun or not for the game, or whether they have a good feeling or not. I think that’s his strength.

Yamamoto: There are many things that must be said such as “I made this kind of gimmick, so this is how I want it to be used in the game”, “I want you to add this kind of sound” or “I made this kind of weapon, so I want it to be used properly.” Just passing data around will not get you everything, so we verify things after we implement it and try to explain it afterward.

The JET Hammer and the Wormhole Transporter, as they appeared in the game.

All Actions Will Change When You’re Aware of The Users

Finally, can you tell us about your future aspirations?

Yamamoto: It might be fun if I could be focus entirely on creating 3D models all the time, I can’t actually say that. In the future, I feel it might be necessary to take on a management role and bearing the burden in allowing the younger employees to nurture. You need good developers and a good team in order to make a good game. With that in mind, I’ve been mentoring rookie modellers lately.

In what order would you teach them things?

Yamamoto: First I would teach them how to use the basic tools and how we do things in our company. We cannot proceed if the basic tools are not suitable enough. There are many other things that must be taught, but the most difficulty thing that newcomers must learn is to understand a game’s specification. When it comes to game development, a modeller’s goal isn’t just to model things, but to create a game. You need to create a 3D model while considering how it will make a game fun and whether it will work without failure. If you can understand the setup, the animation and even the players themselves, everything can be changed such as how to deal with things, how you will schedule things and how you create data.

Mr. Yamamoto (left) and Mr. Kimura.

#CGWorld #Konami #Castlevania #Metal Gear #Metal Gear Solid V #Metal Gear Survive

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