#roxas will never let sora live this down

[turnupswritessometimes]

Hi, can I ask your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Oh, it's Hanging Tough. It honestly feels like I peaked with it.

I just feel like it has a really nice flow. I love how Ash and Eiji's conversations came out. I love how it captures the 80s New York summer. I love how they are with each other.

I had absolutely no plan for it. It was just oneshots that kept joining together into something more. I love this moment:

"I never want you to act with me, Eiji." His voice was quiet.

"Really?" Eiji's lips quirked upwards. "So, I can hold your hand in front of Bones and Kong?"

"Is that all you want to do? Hold my hand?"

Eiji laughed, his fingers twitching in Ash's. "Maybe. What would you want to do?"

He stubbed out the rest of the cigarette on the balcony and let out the last breath of smoke.

"You don't want to know."

But that only made Eiji laugh again. "I just asked, didn't I?"

Ash gave him a sideways glance. He was smiling with slightly pink cheeks and sparkling eyes.

"It's too early for this."

"Let's go inside," Eiji said.

So, they did. And left the balcony doors open, putting on a pot of coffee then coming back to sit on the sofa with mugs filled to the brim.

A fun behind the scenes tidbit is that I started writing some of the earlier oneshots whilst I was at work. Only the only thing I could write with whilst on the floor was quill and ink, and as I wore regency dress, I didn't have pockets. Cue me stuffing pages of queer fanfiction down the front of my dress for safekeeping. Truly living the Austen heroine dream!

I also come back to We Don't Need Another Hero a lot - I enjoyed writing a young Ash. I really enjoyed giving young Ash a home; and really exploring that. Ash and Max's relationship is so special to me (as is probably evident in my other Banana Fish works). I actually have even more scenes for that one that I haven't uploaded.

I could probably fill the whole list with Banana Fish, lol - Bed of Roses I'm very proud of (inspired by Young Guns) too!

I also really loved Worth Running To. It's such a love letter to the first Kingdom Hearts game for me. I really loved the piracy hijinks, and weaving in the other characters and the story. I loved both Riku and Sora's backstories in it. It was really fun to have overarching story threads through the whole fic - Namine, but also the medallion. The Montague sibling books were definitely a big inspiration, but I was also surrounded by regency history at the time. I've considered making it into it's own novel many times, but it's just too entrenched in Kingdom Hearts, and I think that makes it very special.

I also loved their first kiss. I was so eager to write it:

“Riku!” He tried to fight his way forward, even as he was dragged away.

Riku started onward, panic in his eyes. “Sora!”

He dug his heels into the deck. He could only see those sea coloured eyes and he knew that he had to keep them in sight. No matter what.

But the men were stronger, and he stumbled.

Just as men grabbed hold of Riku, trying to tug his arms back.

But he had closed the gap. His mouth smashed into Sora’s.

For a moment, that was the whole world. The whole world was Riku’s lips on his and there was supernova exploding in his chest.

He was kissing Riku. Riku was kissing him.

Then he remembered the hands pulling him away. They were yanked apart and someone was yelling. People were yelling, but Sora couldn’t hear them. His out breath was a sigh.

The only thing he could see were those eyes.

And his lips were still tingling.

I also loved writing Roxas' story in the same universe, but it wasn't as big a hit on Ao3. (Very much inspired by Byron's schooldays, though.)

I also have a soft spot for Confession; I like exploring religion and it's been really cool to see it hit home with others, and I was very proud of An Impression in Bread Dough; it came out very poetic.

I feel like that's the main ones that I would say are my very favourites. I've loved writing all my fics, I think, but these are the ones I often come back to re-read and am proud of.

Generally, with my oneshots, I'm inspired by little moments or throwaway lines that mean something more. (My Fruits Basket fics usually come from there.) My Banana Fish fics are certainly inspired by watching movies with my dad, and me inserting Ash and Eiji into them. (He doesn't know this!)

[isan0rt]

I keep Xehanort posting on account of how Dark Road made him so extra fascinating and I keep turning him over in my brain like a rotisserie chicken but today I'm thinking about how DDD and KH3 for Young Xehanort really was like, Kingdom Hearts: Re:Traumatization; Distorted Cognition.

(Side bar I really do think, for him, those games happen in that year between his two meetings with Master of Masters. It's the most obvious explanation for his radicalization, and like. I know he's often referred to as Young Master Xehanort but I think that's as in, he's the young version of Master Xehanort, but he's not actually a Master himself yet. If he was, he wouldn't be condescendingly talking down to Xigbar in Re:Coded about how he will get No Name; he would already have been granted it. He's still on his world tour, and will take the test after all this.)

Really though from the first world he appears in, shit is fucked for him. This dude is like 19, only four years out from watching all but one of his classmates get murdered, and now he's going through This Shit while on his 'stew alone in your own feelings with no emotional support' study abroad.

The first world he appears in is Traverse Town where the fucking Reaper's Game is going on. Four dead teenagers who all really want to live, two boys and two girls, and the younger girl, the little blonde, the baby sister is visibly younger than the others, and her older brother loves her so much and wants to save her so badly but he can't, can he? They're already dead. Xehanort's there watching these four split up from each other and having to manipulate them but it doesn't matter, they're all already dead.

Prankster's Paradise. It's fine, this is just a dream, and besides, Pinocchio is just a doll. His feelings aren't real (no matter what you feel coming from him) and they don't matter.

The Grid. Just programs, and for that matter just copies of programs. Their feelings aren't real (don't worry about what you're perceiving) and they don't matter.

Quasimodo is an outsider, lonely and isolated, and he'll never be accepted. Watch how he's treated for it. Think about whether you (Xehanort) were ever really accepted in Scala, or if you'll also always be second fiddle even with no one else left. You can only rely on yourself, and the future your older self has laid out for you.

Sora, in The World that Never Was. He's a walking time bomb; an empath with no control over his abilities, and totally unable to stop taking other people's pain into himself. He has already imprisoned three other hearts inside himself because he can't let go, and he is already cracking under the strain (Anti Form. Rage Form. Even Data Roxas tells Data Sora he'll destroy himself if he can't learn to let go). Sora is going to break, and Xehanort has seen what happens when an empath who can't handle the burden of other people's emotions catastrophically shatters under the strain. Get Sora under their control, before he goes critical.

Toy Box. They're just toys; spilt them up from each other and watch how they fall apart. They aren't strong enough to handle things without dragging on each other. Their feelings aren't real and they don't matter. You can reproduce the conditions of your own trauma and see that the outcome will be the same, that Baldr could never have been prevented and there was no way to save him (See, Angelic Amber just needed to be stopped by force. But then Buzz...). They're just toys. It doesn't matter.

Sora again. See, he's broken. He couldn't handle the strain. But... What's he doing? He can't save his friends, they're already dead. It can't be done; it shouldn't be done. How dare he; what's so different about him? What gives him the right to have them back? But Sora can't really have his friends returned without consequences, surely-

See? It destroyed him. Sora couldn't let go of his attachments and accept his grief and it destroyed him. Just as Xehanort warned. Just like it destroyed Baldr. Attachments only cause suffering; Xehanort won't let himself be ruled by them. He simply won't get attached to anyone else, ever again (but what about Eraqus- what about his dream friends- what about-).

And all while surrounded by Nobodies, hollowed out of all but the tiniest seed of the potential of a heart, and Replicas, only copies. Their feelings aren't real, and they don't matter. All that matters is the goal. Don't worry about the negative emotions other people are feeling about what you're doing. It's for the good of the worlds, they simply are too shortsighted to understand. A cat will also fight you when you try to pill it, but you are bigger and stronger and know better, and this is what you have to do.

It's fine. It's fine. Their feelings aren't real, and they don't matter.

Do what has to be done.

[rosie-kairi]

Other possibility of the Lauriam and Ven travel together AU so like a different branch if you will.

I personally love the theory that Kairi's grandma is master ava (I also make Lea Kairi's older brother and a keyblade wielder already I love tragic siblings what can I say) so when Lauriam gets blasted off he ends up in Radiant Garden and meets up with his old master.

Ava has tried to live a peaceful quiet life and so when she has a daughter she purposely didn't make her a keyblade wielder, teach her about light and darkness or the keyblade war. She wanted her daughter and by extension grandson to live in peace. However things go wrong when she's pregnant with Kairi and goes into labor. Her pure light attracts all sorts or heartless and darkness trying to snuff Kairi's light before she's born. Ava has no choice but to fend off the attack leaving a 12 year old Lea to be midwife and deliver his sister. Unfortunately the strain of the attack and darkness trying to extinguish light means his moms light get taken instead. Her heart passes moments later. Ava blames herself, had she not let fear take hold in her heart perhaps her daughter would have been able to fend off the darkness and not leave her children orphaned. After checking over kairi Ava realizes she's one of the 7 pure lights and realizes in despair she'll be hunted down by darkness. With little choice she tells Lea about her past and begins training him do he can protect his sister.

Lauriam shows up not long after. He fills Ava in on what's happened and the two start piecing things together. Ava realizes MoM orchestrated all this and she was too blind to see the red flags. She promises to help find Ven and properly train Lauriam.

Lauriam becomes a master in those 4 years and looks high and low for Strelitzia and Ven as well as any of the fore tellers and Xehanort but they all seem to be hidden well. He starts hearing rumors of 3 keyblade wielders traveling the worlds and tries to track them down but he's just one step behind.

Lea is getting ready to take his own mark of mastery, he and Lauriam have formed a close friendship, he remind him of Ven and watching Lea take care of Kairi reminds him of being his own sisters caretaker.

By the time Lauriam makes it to the keyblade graveyard the battle is over. Frustration builds he doesn't understand why all his loved ones are out of his reach.

Over the next year he hears Lea and Isa talk about a girl and hope flares that maybe it's skuld. But before he can properly investigate xehanort plunges the world into darkness. Ava teller Lauriam to take the kids and run while she holds off the heartless but even he knows she'll be overwhelmed. He tells Lea and Isa to take Kairi (sadly their 3 fates are sealed) and run but he ends up running into Luxu, same thing happens as before Luxu has been keeping an eye on Lauriam waiting for the right moment and now here it is. He doesn't beat him in a fight Lauriam is much stronger here but he leads Lauriam to think Ven is tied up in the basement. He desperately goes to find him but it's a trap and gets attacked by terranort. As he's becoming a nobody all he can think about is how no matter how strong he gets it's never enough.

Marluxia has only one name in his head that he can remember, Ventus. He doesn't know why being around Roxas is familiar and painful. Being at CO however ironically stirs up his forgotten memories and while he can't find Ven hidden in the chamber he just knows he's there and suddenly understands why Xemnas sent half of them here. So Marluxia purposely plays the villain he doesn't trust himself to protect Ven this time and thinks being killed will be the better option. Sleeping away Ven's heart inside Sora responds to Marluxia making Sora very confused because he hates Marluxia but he also has a deep longing to be with the lord of the castle. Marluxia's final moments are praying Ven and the others are safe and silently apologizes for all his failures.

He has zero memories at the keyblade graveyard it's not until his second death does he remember and thanks sora for "protecting him when he could not" once again confusing sora.

MoM is watching all this and is like hmmmm that Ven and Lauriam maaaaaay be of use to the next phase of my plans. (He's such an asshole).

Basically what if Lauriam went to RG met up with Ava and even though he gets stronger it's still not enough and he's still chasing ghosts and being a step behind just a minute too late to make a difference.

Anon, if you're going to hurt me like this, I'd much prefer you come to my house and shoot me directly rather than torture me psychologically over tumblr asks.

(That is to say, this is great keep it coming)

[greetings-inferiors]

Roxas is the most tragic character in any piece of media I’ve ever consumed. His story is honestly so well written and so well executed in a series that is so batshit off the walls insane and I marvel that they managed it. If anything could convince you to play kingdom hearts it’s Roxas.

Nobodies are such an interesting concept from a character concept, ESPECIALLY Roxas’ case where his somebody still exists. With Axel, for example, he wants to become a somebody because he wants a heart, then even when he does become a somebody he realises that his time as a nobody was more meaningful than his time as a somebody, and continues to use his nobody name. But there’s no moral dilemma here, he can be either a nobody or a somebody, and both are the same person.

But Roxas and Sora AREN’T the same person. They’re distinct. They are two souls, two hearts, that are separate. Sora’s heartless never was destroyed, it just became Sora, so now there are two separate people that belong in Sora’s body. Who deserves it? Sora, as the ��true” somebody? Or Roxas, who is a living feeling person?

From birth, Roxas has no memories (unlike other nobodies) and is constantly told that he is incapable of feeling and his emotions aren’t real. He’s brainwashed into thinking that the friendships he has are fake, so he rationalises his friendship as “people he eats ice cream with”. When one of only two friends he has, one of only two people who have ever truly known or loved him, dies in his arms, he can’t process the grief of her passing or the fact that his friendship is over, so he asks her who he would have ice cream with. Out of context that’s a hilarious line yes, but in context it’s a confused, emotionally stunted child who hasn’t been given the time or space to become a person.

When he finds out why one of his friends has to die and the other is complicit, it’s all about this “sora” person. He learns that his existence is stopping this sora person and he has to die to let this person he’s never met before live. One of his only friends died just to help someone neither he nor she ever knew or even saw. Later, when his memories are wiped AGAIN and his only friends are ripped from him AGAIN and he learns he has to die to let this sora person live AGAIN, he resigns himself to death, and he can’t blame the guy, he did nothing wrong, all he can think about is how lucky sora is. How lucky he gets to wake up, and see his friends, and LIVE. How lucky that his summer vacation is only just about to start (Roxas’ summer vacation line is my favourite line in the whole franchise and it isn’t even close. I tear up just READING it).

And then

AND THEN

He has to watch through someone else’s eyes, their own adventure.

He has to see his friends NOT KNOW WHO HE IS, say “I’ve never known a Roxas in my life”, and he fully realises that the hayner pence and olette he knew were never real to begin with. And he cries. He cries hard enough for Sora to shed a tear.

He then sees his best friend Axel sacrifice himself for Sora. Both of his best friends died for this boy. He gets ANGRY. He tries taking sora over by FORCE.

The Roxas fight is the best fight in the series hands down. I CANNOT BELIEVE it wasn’t in the original and was just a cutscene.

When Roxas is attacking sora and just repeatedly slamming his keyblades on sora’s it’s genuinely the most visceral and brutal moment in the series. All the fight he’s been so skilful and elegant yet here he is just letting out all his anger in one primal bout of RAGE. But the look in sora’s eyes isn’t contempt, but confusion.

Roxas realises that this isn’t sora’s fault. Sora didn’t ask for another person to exist and vie for control.

And sure, all of Roxas’ friends had to die or be forgotten, but Roxas saw firsthand just how many people Sora helped. He understands why Sora’s so special. He knows what could happen if Xemnas isn’t stopped. Whether Roxas likes it or not, he and his friends had to die. For Sora to save everyone else.

Sora is a good other.

Anyway yeah I go between Roxas and Axel being my favourite character in the whole series. They both mean so much to me and are so interesting compelling and utterly tragic.

Even if Kingdom hearts’ story isn’t all that “good”, ROXAS’ story ABSOLUTELY deserves to be known by as many people as possible. It’s a story about identity, coming to terms with who you are, the ethics of two people sharing a body, whose lives are more valuable than others, and what it means to be a person. And it’s the greatest story Nomura has EVER told, and probably will ever be.

[gaast]

What do you find most attractive in fictional characters? Give one physical trait and one personality trait if possible!

"If possible."

It really all depends, but you know that, on a basic level, I'm a sucker for blond anime boys for some reason. If they're the type to just smile mysteriously instead of answering a question about themselves, so much the better.

But I think my favorite characters in general are the ones who are determined to do what they think is right regardless of how painful or self-destructive it might be to do so, or how futile it might be overall (Hikigaya Hachiman, Lightning Farron, Siffrin). As you can see, I also really like characters who have to learn how to be vulnerable and learn how to (let themselves) express their feelings, especially with people they come to consider family.

I LOVE when characters are cheerful and never fully lose their optimism but have to acknowledge that they have been wrong wrong wrong and hurting people who they care about and let their friends help pick them up and learn and grow (Rex, and, in a way, Luke fon Fabre). But I also really love when characters just let themselves descend into their worst tendencies, acknowledging their own flaws while refusing to change them, just becoming a poisonous wreck incapable of forming meaningful comnections in favor of idolizing the self (Isamu Nitta, Albedo Piazzolla).

Of course, I also adore supremely cheerful characters whose lives are so fucking tough and to whom the world is almost nightmarish and who absolutely refuse to let that stop them from being happy and kind and helpful and naive (Marona, Sora). I love when characters who dont deserve that nightmare world decide to take revenge on it and then find the people they love and calm down and find peace and forgiveness in their hearts (Roxas, Axel, Walnut, Godot). But I also love when characters who wanted so desperately to do good end up so broken that they decide to become the villain (Big Boss, Lusamine, Guzma, Egil, Sprout).

Of course, I also adore characters who INSIST that they are evil but only if you frame it the right way (Laharl, Rozalin). I mean, characters who know they're evil but have a pathos about them get me too (Sigma, Metallia). But I think better than even those is when a nightmarishly powerful, truly deadful, overhwelmingly evil character decides to allow themself to change and be changed and become better people (Killia, Lambda).

But shoutouts to idealists who fall and never comfortably fit into villainy (Jin), idiots with ahoges who Blue Screen over something truly devastating happening to them only to decide their own new identities and throw off the reigns of the patrons who had for so long been manipulating them (Yumihiko Ichiyanagi, Shulk), and the characters who the developers didn't even realize they were queercoding (or maybe they did) who let us read so much pining into them it hurts (Reyn, Neku Sakuraba).

Also I love love love love LOVE when a character will sacrifice themself to protect someone, even if it's fucking STUPID of them and all they need to do is TRUST PEOPLE (Simon Blackquill), and characters who trust the protagonist but who the protagonist just can't trust implicitly (Klavier Gavin), and those very protagonists (Apollo Justice), and, yeah, I love a lot of characters and types.

I just love complexity and messiness and idealism in the face of despair (Makoto Naegi) and despair in the face of hope (Nagito Komaeda). I love bastards who know they're bastards, I love good people who fought long and hard to be good people and who will never acknowledge it (Solid Snake), I love good brothers (Gladion), I love cute friends (Hau), I love happiness and joy and I love sadness and despair. I love a lot. I have a lot of love.

[twewycrim3s]

Absolutely Terra, also just lay down all the info you can give me

Well here's a copy paste of the story I wrote up for it

The battle of 7 Lights and 13 Darknesses approaches. The battle to keep Kingdom Hearts safe and sound or overcome by darkness. The journey at the current time seems to flow with the path of Light. However, one hero of Light decided to risk their lives for another's. This light being Sora. All to protect Kairi from being kidnapped instead, the boy still risking his all to keep his friends safe.

Sora didn't want time to repeat. He didn't want his friends to die, not again. So if he just altered everything, instead of letting things play the same. Then just maybe the fates will truly alter, even though he knows of his own consequence. He'd never be able to speak about what he saw in passing before this action. So he shoved Kairi before she could be grabbed in that barbed cage and disappeared himself.

The sacrifice gave Xehanort another guardian to tinker with, similar to Ventus. The trial to see if the boy could form the X-blade with his heart. However, that trial proved nothing to Xehanort. So once again he took the choice to force the pure dark and light from none other than Sora.

Yet with much regret Sora's heart didn't belong to only him at the time. Causing his heart to fracture while remaining in his body. The end result left Sora in a strange mental state and left a nasty mark on his chest.

These trials went on for 2 years before he found his escape, the one day his restraints were loose he took advantage of it. He didn't even care he had no top on and his scar showed. He ran no destination in mind, only ran to where he thought the exit was and hoped his friends would feel his calling heart. When he felt outside's warmth on his exposed torso, even if night he felt such relief. Quickly making his way further away from where he was held captive.

He kept running and running til his body collapsed from exhaustion. Then weakly moved to hide in a small cave like structure and only sit and wait. Things will be ok could hear water and saw bushes with fruit as he got here. Just wait…

After a few days of being a free man, dazed and confused he heard the sound of Riku and Kairi. Their voices echoing in his ears as he fought to wake up and go to them. They grew closer and closer…then soon he heard their startled sounds, unable to see their faces as he turned to look at them, vision blurry. He couldn't talk to them, but he wished to. Yet, truly before he even could say anything he was wrapped in a blanket and scooped up into Riku's arms. Truly rescued and back home once and for all. Back with his friends, but due to his condition begged to not be near his mom. Not yet. And Riku decided to let him stay at his place.

The guardian of light wasn't the same bubbly happy go lucky self. He seemed more drained and grumpy. His keyblade was broken and worn down. It seemed his very self was broken and in need of major repair. Is it truly possible to repair something so fractured?

Roxas and Ventus went back to where they needed to go, but who would help patch Sora? Only time will tell.

Extra Info:

Sora is too weak to summon his keyblade back if he loses it, he has massive nightmares and is being tracked by Xehanort while he sleeps if too stressed. This server is Dark theme filled due to Sora's damaged heart do keep that in mind. There is SoRiku so if against the ship it is not advised either. In KH3 Sora spoke to a chirithy and got sent back in time to try and fix what he lost. however, in this AU it uses the same concept but makes it worse. He begs to go back in time to save where it truly all seemed to be an issue. Be able to truly intervene and not be a figment ghost. So the CHirithy agrees, but gives Sora a major consequence if he tells anybody what he's done. Else SPOILER FOR SERVER CANT SAY!! So he keeps a major secret with him while he decides to protect Kairi from being snagged by Xemnas. For himself to be snagged himself and held captive for 2 years before he was found via his dreams with Riku.

[gilly-moon]

[5 Characters & 5 Tags]

Tagged by @harleyshahas (thank you ♡!!!!)

Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts) - KH is the game that got me into video games, and inspired me all the way to getting my current job in game dev, and Riku is at the heart of why I love the games so much. But I had to put Sora too, because one without the other just doesn't work. Without Riku, Sora couldn't have his arc of "I want to be better than Riku" to "I want to be better with Riku". And for Riku, his transition from dark & edgy to chosen keyblade weilder all ties back to how he looked down on Sora, then tried to make up for his mistakes, and finally trusted and loved Sora completely. They complete each other and challenge each other to grow and become better at every turn. Also their reunion in 2 absolutely ruins me every time. Sora crying on his knees will be burned in my brain forever.

Zack Fair (FFVII) - Crisis Core was at one point the only game that would work on my PSP lol. But I didn't need any other games because Zack the puppy was everything to me. Watching him struggle with the morality of being a SOLDIER, all while desperately trying to protect his friends and failing at every turn...that shit hurts, and yet he keeps his smile and honor right up til the end. He is THE sunshine boy of sunshine boys and I could gush about him all day long. His scenes in Advent Children destroy me.

Oikawa Tooru (Haikyuu) - the real blorbo of my heart, the bitch I latched onto and will love to the end of my days. His ability to take even a team of strangers and lead them flawlessly within just a few minutes is so admirable. He knows exactly how to bring out the best in everyone on the court. It hurts me to this day that he never got to wreck Shiratorizawa before he graduated (also that moment where he falls and slips in season 2 uggghhhhh) but jokes on them because he's the one who got an honorable position on an irl team!! I get some people call him an insufferable asshole but thats exactly why I like him! Let characters be insufferable!!!!! Its fun!!!!! And besides, when it comes down to it, he's genuinely a good person who wants everyone on his team to be involved and be their best. Love of my life. No Oikawa haters allowed on my blog.

Pitch Black/Kozmotis Pitchiner (RoTG) - basically since the movie came out I have been ready with a "Pitch did nothing wrong" speech at all times. I feel like I don't even really have to explain this one, I mean....yall get it. You know why we're all still here, loving him and the Guardians to the end of our days. I will say, though - idc if it's book version or movie version, my love for this asshole remains the same.

Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson) - ah, the original blorbo. The queer awakening for so many people even before he was out in the books. This is another "I love him because he's kinda rude" character. His hatred towards other characters is always warranted tbh, because they ostracize him for?? No good reason at all???? No one wants to or tries to be his friend in heros of olympus for the first four books (except Hazel, who practically has to force others to talk to him) and it pisses me off to no end. Percy spent battle of the labyrinth hunting him down, but would he have been so dedicated if he wasn't getting the iris messages??? Doubt it. Anyway. I adore Nico, he deserved better, and I'm so glad he's got a wonderful bf and his own book now. I will never get tired of him and I really hope the tv series goes well so he can finally come to life in live action ♡

Honorable Mentions: Ronan Lynch, Cloud Strife, Roxas, Hiccup Haddock, Sasuke Uchiha, Portgas D. Ace, Killua Zoldyck, Allen Walker, Vlad Masters

I don't rlly talk to many people on here so...if one of my picks was also yours, consider yourself tagged!

[damagedh3art]

Lore

Despite being on my main blog already and reblogged here. Here is a separate post. Includes story and some additional info. Post is long so do be sure to expand!

Story

The battle of 7 Lights and 13 Darknesses approaches. The battle to keep Kingdom Hearts safe and sound or overcome by darkness. The journey at the current time seems to flow with the path of Light. However, one hero of Light decided to risk their lives for another's. This light being Sora. All to protect Kairi from being kidnapped instead, the boy still risking his all to keep his friends safe.

Sora didn't want time to repeat. He didn't want his friends to die, not again. So if he just altered everything, instead of letting things play the same. Then just maybe the fates will truly alter, even though he knows of his own consequence. He'd never be able to speak about what he saw in passing before this action. So he shoved Kairi before she could be grabbed in that barbed cage and disappeared himself.

The sacrifice gave Xehanort another guardian to tinker with, similar to Ventus. The trial to see if the boy could form the X-blade with his heart. However, that trial proved nothing to Xehanort. So once again he took the choice to force the pure dark and light from none other than Sora.

Yet with much regret Sora's heart didn't belong to only him at the time. Causing his heart to fracture while remaining in his body. The end result left Sora in a strange mental state and left a nasty mark on his chest.

These trials went on for 2 years before he found his escape, the one day his restraints were loose he took advantage of it. He didn't even care he had no top on and his scar showed. He ran no destination in mind, only ran to where he thought the exit was and hoped his friends would feel his calling heart. When he felt outside's warmth on his exposed torso, even if night he felt such relief. Quickly making his way further away from where he was held captive.

He kept running and running til his body collapsed from exhaustion. Then weakly moved to hide in a small cave like structure and only sit and wait. Things will be ok could hear water and saw bushes with fruit as he got here. Just wait…

After a few days of being a free man, dazed and confused he heard the sound of Riku and Kairi. Their voices echoing in his ears as he fought to wake up and go to them. They grew closer and closer…then soon he heard their startled sounds, unable to see their faces as he turned to look at them, vision blurry. He couldn't talk to them, but he wished to. Yet, truly before he even could say anything he was wrapped in a blanket and scooped up into Riku's arms. Truly rescued and back home once and for all. Back with his friends, but due to his condition begged to not be near his mom. Not yet. And Riku decided to let him stay at his place.

The guardian of light wasn't the same bubbly happy go lucky self. He seemed more drained and grumpy. His keyblade was broken and worn down. It seemed his very self was broken and in need of major repair. Is it truly possible to repair something so fractured?

Roxas and Ventus went back to where they needed to go, but who would help patch Sora? Only time will tell.

Additional Info

Sora is too weak to summon his keyblade back if he loses it, he has massive nightmares and is being tracked by Xehanort while he sleeps if too stressed.

In KH3 Sora spoke to a Chirithy and got sent back in time to try and fix what he lost. However, in this AU it uses the same concept but makes it worse. He begs to go back in time to save where it truly all seemed to be an issue. Be able to truly intervene and not be a figment ghost. So the Chirithy agrees, but gives Sora a major consequence if he tells anybody what he's done.

He keeps a major secret with him while he decides to protect Kairi from being snagged by Xemnas. For himself to be snagged himself and held captive for 2 years before he was found via his dreams with Riku.

Sora only managed to escape by using his Keyblade at the last second, truly risking death. He hits his own heart, spliting it into pieces himself rather than letting Xehanort do such an action. Which in turn combined his crown charm, his keyblade, and something else to his heart. Which as a result lead to him being tainted with darkness in a few places, have bits of white and darker bits of hair, have a cracked crown symbol on his chest, and trouble showing the emotions he used to always feel. He has saved the trio's and the few past members of the organization! There was no final battle with Xehanort, Xemnas, Ansem, or Young Xehanort yet. Sora is aware they are all alive and hates how he delayed something they could have finished once and for all. Feels regret for being so reckless and a risk for almost giving Xehanort what he wanted to unlock Kingdom Hearts.

[talyns-fanfics]

Kingdom Hearts TNG

When I first saw KH2 I thought it was a “Next Generation” thing and Sora’s story was done. This was mostly because I didn’t know Chain of Memories was a thing. What you see here is how the cutscenes might have changed if Chain of Memories never happened, and if Sora and Riku return to the islands with Kairi to live their normal lives.

Sora had given up the keyblade after defeating Ansem; the Seeker of Darkness and it is passed down to Roxas.

Mostly KH2 would start roughly the same. We meet Roxas, a kid from Twilight Town who can wield Kingdom Key and is stuck in a computer simulation. The reason for being in the computer has changed, though.

Things start to slightly change on the fourth day, when we see Kairi out in the real world. This lets us know how much time has past since Sora saved the worlds from Ansem; the Seeker of Darkness. She’s all grown up and is living back at the Destiny Islands. Riku is with her, showing he’s also living a normal life.

Riku offers to take Kairi out to the island where they and Sora used to play together when they were kids, noticing how sad she’s been lately. She tells Riku that she doesn’t plan on going back until Sora and their daughter return to the Destiny Islands, letting us know that the two have been missing for a while. Roxas falls off the tower at Twilight Town and his heart connects with Kairi’s.

“Naminé?” His voice echo’s. “What’s happening to me?” She responds to him. “Who are you? I’m not Naminé. I’m her mother, Kairi.” The two talk as Roxas continues falling. “Kairi? I know you. You’re that girl he likes.” “You know Sora? Please, do you know where he is?” “I’m sorry, I don’t…” BUT ROXAS NEVER REACHES THE BOTTOM.

Kairi sends the letter after her conversation with Roxas. We are then showed that Ansem and DiZ are trying to keep Roxas contained in the simulation of Twilight Town, away from anyone looking for Sora.

The nobodies are now just heartless, but more futuristic heartless. Some are pure heartless while others are artificial heartless.

Axel is convinced that he and Roxas are “best friends”, but they actually have never met until Axel shows up in the false Twilight Town, trying to bring Roxas “back” to the Organization.

In the fifth day, Ansem and DiZ meet up in the dinning room of the mansion. They discuss how Naminé being in the false Twilight Town is interfering with their plan.

They are trying to keep Naminé from finding Sora. Naminé thought that by looking for Roxas and helping him use the keyblade could help her find Sora. DiZ tells Ansem to take Naminé out of the false Twilight Town.

On the sixth day, Roxas returns to the mansion and finds Naminé in the white room. She tells him about Sora and how she’s looking for him. Before he could ask anymore, she disappears, showing it was just a Data-Naminé.

DiZ and Ansem tell Roxas that he needs to stay in the simulation, but Roxas practically demands a way out. The real Naminé shows up through a dark corridor and explains everything.

“Roxas. He gave you the keyblade.” She’s referring to Sora. “I need you to find him.” Before she’s able to explain anymore, Ansem takes a hold of her, pulls her back through the corridor, then and DiZ disappearing.

Roxas hacks the computer and finds a way out of the simulation of Twilight Town. By that same time, Donald and Goofy show up in Twilight Town. Roxas meets up with them and explains that Sora passed the keyblade to him and that he needs to find him along with Naminé. The three team up and head out of Twilight Town.

Roxas takes a long look at Twlight Town before muttering to himself; “It looks like my Summer Vacation is over…”

That’s all I have so far. If anyone wants information on Roxas’ journey into the Disney Worlds with Donald and Goofy, I will gladly go into it.

If anyone wants to know where Sora is, DiZ and Ansem’s intentions, anything about the secret 13th member of the organization, or something else, I’ll dive deeper into that as well. I’m interested in what I could do with a story this different.

[therealterriblelizard]

Shaky-Mayhemm’s Au

Sora: *Looking around in a panic state* Riku, have you seen it?!

Riku: Seen what?

Sora: You know the it!

Riku: *Turning around holding Ripan* Sora, what is the it?

Sora: Oh, there it is.

Riku:

Riku: DID YOU MEAN OUR CHILD?!!!

[naho-monogatari]

Sora has always been a touchy person.

He constantly has an arm around Roxas’ shoulders, a hand on Kairi’s arm, or his head on Ventus’ shoulder. Touch is his love language and has been forever.

He used to be the same with Riku, but as they grew and became teenagers, Riku seemed to appreciate his touch less and less.

It started with a small grimace -

then he started to flinch if sora came near him with his hand outstretched -

and now if sora puts his hand on riku’s shoulder, Riku almost recoils away.

Sora let it slide for a year, he thought it was a byproduct of Riku’s emo phase - a grumpy echo that he’ll hopefully grow out of.

But,

Sora began to notice something.

When Hayner patted Riku on the back, he didn’t react. Nor did he when kairi gave him a one-armed hug.

After a couple of weeks Sora realised it was only HIM who Riku flinched away from.

Did he do something wrong? Was he being too annoying or clingy?

…

should he give riku space?

———-

Riku was pacing around namines bedroom, kairi and xion were trying to calm him down.

‘I’m sure it’s fine! Sora’s not acting weird, he can’t be bouncing with happiness all the time’ xion said.

Riku paused,

‘You didn’t see his face, He came up to me and just stopped, for some reason he looked so sad then just walked away’

Riku ran his hand through his hair, he didn’t sleep much last night. It suddenly felt like sora was worlds away, and Riku couldn’t stand the thought.

He’d tried so hard to squash his feelings, to make sure that he wouldn’t make Sora feel uncomfortable. Riku knew that if he let sora hug him, he’d never let go.

It was wrong, they were best friends! They have been their entire lives. Sora would never be able to forgive him if he found out Riku thought of him in that way.

So Riku tried to stay away, a comfortable distance - to maintain their friendship.

But it backfired so badly.

[last-flight-of-fancy]

(Character) KH

Sora ‘if i push the sadness and self loathing down hard enough surely it will stop existing’ kingdom hearts

Riku ‘there are two wolves inside you and they’re both gay. you are gay’ kingdom hearts

Kairi ‘if i pretend nothing has changed then everything will be fine :)’ kingdom hearts

Lea ‘don’t let the badass exterior fool you i’m a massive dork (who’s also committed murder)’ kingdom hearts

Isa ‘acts of service and intense jealousy are my love language’ kingdom hearts

Xion ‘walking red herring and also blatant trans allegory’ kingdom hearts

Roxas ‘my early 2000′s edgelord vibe belies the ray of sunshine i actually am’ kingdom hearts

Ventus ‘my ray of sunshine vibe does a great job hiding The Many Trauma’s’ kingdom hearts

Vanitas ‘help i’m a blatant allegory for ugly trauma and abuse (non)survivor but my complexity is constantly overlooked in favour of ‘darkness bad’ by the fanbase’ kingdom hearts

Aqua ‘Stressed out, anxious mom friend who’s holding it together (barely)’ kingdom hearts

Terra ‘not stupid ya’ll’re just mean’ kingdom hearts

Namine ‘should never hold a weapon and i’ll die on that hill’ kingdom hearts

Repliku ‘NOT RIKU’ kingdom hearts

Strelitzia ‘MY PERFECT DAUGHTER LIVES (sort of)’ kingdom hearts

[daylighteclipsed]

may i add to the discussion? i do wonder if it's fair to refer to sora's choice to put his memories back the way they were as cowardice (as i read from someone's tags) riku made poor choices in his past and had the willpower to try to fix his wrongdoings; sora's predicament was not at all caused by his own doings. he was manipulated by a force he had no knowledge of until the end. why would casting aside his true memories to be put back the way he was a bad thing?

It really comes down to interpretation. I don’t think CoM by itself overtly frames Sora’s choice as good or bad. If you don’t pick up on the arguable subtext that Sora is reliving his trauma from KH1, then Sora choosing to lose his memories of Castle Oblivion to regain his old ones in the end probably feels fine. Though you’re kind of left wondering, what’s the point? What’s the point of this journey if Sora doesn’t remember it, learns nothing from it, gains nothing from it?

Coded arguably re-contextualizes CoM when it comes out and says, hey, Castle Oblivion is about dealing with emotional pain! It’s not a coincidence that Data Sora goes through a similar journey and faces the same predicament that Sora does in CoM: “Are you okay with letting go of the folks that you’ve forgotten?” It’s not a coincidence that Data Sora accepts this pain and learns something from it, unlike Sora in CoM.

Now, if you’re saying what happens to Sora in CoM isn’t his fault so he shouldn’t have to live with his pain like Riku does… my friend, that’s what trauma is. It’s something bad that happens to you, that changes you, that you have to deal with, regardless of who’s to blame. It’s often outside of your control, and it’s unfair.

Continuing to read CoM as Sora processing his KH1 trauma, I have to acknowledge that Sora chooses to stab himself just as he chooses to venture through Castle Oblivion knowing the stakes — he knows his heart will fall to darkness just as he knows he will lose his memories the more illusions he meets. Each time he risks self-destruction, it’s for a good reason, to save a friend, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt him, that it’s not a bad experience he has to deal with the repercussions of.

And there are repercussions for KH1. Roxas. Anti-form. Rage form. You don’t die and come back the same just like you don’t go through trauma and come out the same, which is why coming back to life in fiction is often used as an allegory for living through a traumatic experience.

Coded shows us that when we experience tragedy, loss, trauma, we control how we respond to it… whether we let that pain drag us down into the darkness, take it out on others, or use it to become wiser, kinder — to others or, most relevant for Sora, to ourselves. We determine how our pain affects us and what, if anything, we learn from it.

So, the problem’s not Sora wanting his old memories back so much as Sora choosing to not process or learn anything from CoM because he forgets/represses his memories of Castle Oblivion. It’s the fact that the end of CoM, for Sora and Riku, is presented as a decision to go backwards (try to be who they were before) or forwards (accept the new person they are, for better or worse).

And who can blame Sora, right? I think I would’ve made the same choice in his position. I think most people would have. If you have the chance to forget all that pain and be your old self again, why wouldn’t you? Except… you can’t erase memories. Locking them up is a temporary fix — even if they’re not easy to recall, they’re still inside you, shaping you, so you’re never going to be your old self again. There’s no “old self” to get back to, and you have to accept that. Sora has to accept that.

There’s no way to go backwards… unless, you know, you break the laws of nature and get kicked out of your reality. But even then, it doesn’t erase what happened before and how that changed you. Those memories are still inside you, affecting who you are, no matter how deep you push them down. They’re still determining the trajectory of your life; they’re the reason you wake up a year later in a strange place unable to remember how you got there. You’re not really “back,” and you’re never going to be… To change and grow is to be alive. The only time you stop is when you die… I digress.

CoM also tells us that none of the memories Namine tampers with are gone, an idea reaffirmed by Coded, with Data Sora confident that he will remember all the people he forgot one day, even without a magic fix… So it’s likely that the restoration pod is not Sora’s only option for getting his old memories back in CoM, that Sora could’ve retained his new memories of Castle Oblivion and remembered his old memories eventually, over time.

It would’ve been a pretty different story if Sora had opted out of the restoration pod, huh? Especially since Riku — the whole reason Sora entered Castle Oblivion in the first place — is right behind him. By reuniting with Riku, Sora would’ve accomplished his goal in the end, and they could’ve helped each other with their pain. Sora would’ve actually gained something from CoM, learned something. Grown.

But that’s in hindsight. Like I said, CoM doesn’t really paint Sora’s choice as good or bad in the moment. It’s not until you’re looking back 5, 6 games later that you realize maybe Sora made a poor choice. Maybe Sora repressing his memories of Castle Oblivion did more harm than good for him in the long-run, and maybe this is a reoccurring issue with him. And that’s okay! Sora’s allowed to have flaws and things that scare him. He’s a better character for it.

[kh-endless-days-unravel]

Wild Jungle Plot 2

He explains that one of his monkeys spotted not only a man cub, but a tall man who could make fire with his hands, gesturing to Mowgli and then Axel. Louie explains that he’s in a bit of a rut, he’s been on top for so long but finds he’s still not satisfied. He wants to know man’s secret for making fire so that he too can be human. Axel says there’s no way he would ever tell him how his fire works. Louie gets mad as he commands his monkeys to catch Mowgli, which they do with ease before bringing him to the king. Louie explains that if they refuse to help than he’ll hurt the man cub. RAX all summon their keyblades as Louie and the captive Mowgli ascend to the top of the ruins. A battle ensues and afterwards RAX, Bagheera, and Baloo escape into the jungle. They then realize that Mowgli is missing. Baloo says that he thinks he saw a monkey taking Mowgli away from the ruins. They search the jungle and after a while they happen upon Mowgli in the clutches of Kaa the snake. They confront Kaa and demand that he let Mowgli go. Kaa says this is all a big misunderstanding and that he never meant to hurt the man cub. Kaa then somewhat uncoils himself to look at Xion, before saying that they can trust in him. His eyes begin to swirl with color, as do Xion’s. Kaa then tells Xion that the others are trying to hurt Mowgli, and asks if she’s gonna let that happen. Xion replies no, before raising her kingdom key to her friends. A battle with Xion plays out and after it’s finished Xion snaps out of Kaa’s control. Xion asks what happened as Roxas explains the situation. Hearing that she was forced to fight her friends, she begins to cry. She explains that after reuniting with her friends during the keyblade war, she promised herself she would never again be somebody's puppet. Roxas and Axel comfort her before they are cut off by Bagheera. Apparently during the commotion, Mowgli was able to escape further into the Jungle. At this point Shere Khan enters the scene. He muses about how the man cub is all alone in the jungle. With a wicked laugh he takes off into the jungle. RAX and the others quickly follow in pursuit. They soon find Mowgli face to face with the homicidal tiger. They rush in between them and brace for the battle. Suddenly Shere Khan begins to emanate a dark aura. The trio are confused but still face off against him. After Shere Khan is defeated, Mowgli finally reunites with Bagheera and Baloo. Mowgli admits that maybe the man village is what’s best for him. Roxas is confused and asks why Mowgli would give up the life he wants to go live with people he doesn’t know, even after Shere Khan was defeated. Mowgli says that while the Jungle will always be his home, it’s better for everyone if he goes to the village. With that Mowgli is brought back to his people. We then cut to some time after with RAX contemplating on the limb of a tree. Axel explains that nobody they knew was at the village, but at least Mowgli is safe and sound. Roxas seems deep in thought until Axel snaps him out of it, asking if he sees a bit of himself in Mowgli. Roxas nods, admitting that he relates to what he was going through. Though he also ponders about how Mowgli could just give up a life in the jungle he called home just like that. He remembers out loud that back when he was in the data Twilight Town, he fought as hard as he could to keep his happy life with his friends. He wonders if it was right to fight so hard , even if it was the best for everyone for him to return to Sora. Axel butts in, telling him that nobody should feel ashamed for fighting for their existence, and that anybody else would have done the same. Roxas nods as he hops down to the ground, saying they better keep going if they wanna finish their exam. The others agree as they portal to the next world. We cut to Radiant Garden as we see Aeleus and Dilan patrolling the castle. We then get a close up of Aeleus’s hand. His hand suddenly clenches into a fist as the scene fades to black

[hobie-brown]

thinking of kh characters just....settling down for once. having peaceful rests of their lives.

the sea salt trio maybe try to spruce up the abandoned mansion, their mission for the summer and then just...their house. trying to make better memories of that dusty mess than what they got; they tear down the white room, completely remodel the basement. its especially therapeutic for roxas to dig his keyblade into the wood of the mansion floors that rest above where Diz kept Sora. what used to be broken down and uninviting becomes a home big enough for all of their friends to camp over in, whenever they need. The only room that stays mostly unchanged outside of its floor is the library, since Xion loves to read.

roxas still does odd jobs around town, with a growing collection of decks and skateboards to boot. many a neighbor has entrusted him with watering their plants, delivering their mail, generally just being of help where he can. maybe he even ropes xion into some of his dogwalking jobs. he is especially loved by the young kids who learned how to do kickflips and ollies from him, who ask him to play ball in the street when he has the freetime. his most steady job is helping that sweet old shopkeep lady keep up on stocking and cleaning/making sure her cat doesn't run off again. (He learned he's not cut out for customer service the hard way)

xion takes the train to the beach most days. she likes the ride itself and the destination. one gives her time to think and the other gives her space to breathe. her room is filled with little seashells, seashells that sometimes spill over into the boys' rooms or the kitchen or the closet. They find shells everywhere-she's just got a knack for picking out ones with the most intricate swirls and colors. it's gotten to the point where Olette helps her make something out of them. Plenty of twilight town locals can be seen dawning thoughtful bracelets all with their own personal touch and the destiny trio all have necklaces unlike any other shells on their original island. and most importantly: she finally gets a dog.

lea is the lazybones of the group, spending most of his time just relaxing in the forest, napping on the clocktower, bothering Isa at his job, or being the most obnoxious/loudest spectator at struggle matches. the original tournament hoster eventually gets just fed up enough with his backseat driver that he promotes Lea to a coach. And he's good at it: something about teaching kids the sport clicks for him the same way mentoring Roxas and Xion back in the org did. even if some of his advice is a little underhanded/sly. he's learning to love the little things and to live for himself, no strings attached.

isa doesn't live with them, maybe still a little too guilt-ridden about his treatment of them all to ever be ready for that, but he does visit. often. very often. even if the trek from across twilight town and into the sewers does disgust him theres not a day that goes by where he doesnt come around with prepped meals. after all, he picked up a job at the Bistro w/little chef-so he's learned some things and he makes sure Lea and Roxas and Xion are eating. More than just sea salt ice cream, anyway. Hayner, Pence and Olette take care of him in turn. Its nice having coworkers who couldn't potentially stab him in the back at any moment for a change. Scrooge hounds him all the same and it amuses Lea to no end that Isa lets himself get picked on by a literal duck.

namine cant force herself to live where Diz still haunts her and sometimes Lea and Isa still make her uneasy but she stays close by, renting out an apartment in the center of twilight town. all her days are spent making art and drawing from life: there is so much beauty to pull from. The kids running around the outside theatre, the elderly couple who invite her over for tea on their little rooftop balcony, the people, the buildings, the trains and the roads, the light that is everywhere in their world. things she never got to look at properly when she first lived there. shes teaching roxas how to draw but her friend's sketchbook is filled mostly with chicken scratch. for all his weapon coordination he never got a chance to develop strong writing/penmanship skills in the org. they're all working on filling those sort of gaps, together.

they still talk about keyblades and divided worlds and heartless. they have to. but most of their old wounds are truly old-and they're trying to find out what life is meant to be like for normal people.

[heartinhands]

"I'm happy you exist too. I'm happy I met you too." Roxas's reply is immediate -- sick to death of being told one way or another that he isn't meant for life. It's cruel. He knows what the sun feels like on his face when it's setting, even though his memories come and go he can still feel the wind on his legs where he sat with Axel and -- and -- where he sat with Axel on the edge of the clock tower. He can taste sea-salt ice cream, he can cry equally-salty tears, he can scrape his knuckles on broken computer screens and bits of glass, he can tear his throat raw from screaming. Now that that's not him, Roxas can understand that pain a bit better now though: mere proof he so badly wanted to live. Even if no one wanted to see it. Nobody this, Nobody that / Falling or not. Roxas wants to remind Naminé of that, too. Even if he can't fully understand the depth of her--he'd had the pleasure of a life, if only brief, the other lived out a sketchbook-colored lie, doomed to hand back what had never been hers, never offered a replacement in exchange. He places his forehead to the back of her head. I'm sorry, he thinks, that it took anyone so long. And, somewhere else, deeper in his mind: thank naminé! Me? Or him?

"I came for you, you know," he comments -- in saying this he hears Sora's voice before he hears his own -- and he almost cringes at it. Roxas's arm releases itself from Naminé's small frame, standing straight, slowly turning her to she can face him properly. No more hiding for the both of them. A witch or not, Roxas will see Naminé, and he refuses to let her trade herself off. That had already happened, hadn't it? With -- when? Who? There's an invisible vector between the two of them, another ghost in their midst.

And It's difficult to tell where Sora ends and Roxas begins, difficult to parse what Sora had been made to forget and Roxas remembered on his behalf. Him or me? Ah, hell - does it matter? "Have you had sea salt ice cream before? Come on--," he grins suddenly, reaching down for her wrist to tug her out of the sterile room of the mansion, ( he hates this place, he hates it, doesn't understand how she can stand it ) "--I'll treat you!"

a corpse of a place / a ghost of a girl —— there is no certainty nor reason nor certain reason, she is simply here and present and cast in golden light that feels too warm against her skin, like sunlight filtering through paper-thin white curtains, like sunlight peaking through dusty window panes, as if she were fading —— away ——

the wall is high and not so high, after all, easily reachable yet so very far. the woods are safe, now, no nobodies to linger and lurk in its shadows. they are simply dark and cool and seemingly endless but a lighthearted schoolboy and his companions could wander through them / even the ghost-girl could traverse them well enough. there is no reason why she remains within ( or rather, atop ) the towering walls of twilight town except that —— except that ——

difficult to conceptualize. difficult to put to thought. difficult to perceive wholly and fully. this, or you?

she : who is nothing and shall become nothing and will always be ——

circular thoughts. tangential thoughts. there is that rotting roof and those creaking walls and she can imagine it with ease, how the third step always whined, how the doors could do nothing but shriek. that room / her sham of a room / pure white and covered and papered in shattered fragments that she had pieced together, bit by bit. that room, that place, where the pitiable non-hero ( but he had been, but he is, he's just —— ) sat before her and who she told, voice soft and carrying and trying to be gentle, that he was never supposed to exist.

unkind words / she had tried / but had she, truly? always, always she had been guiding him towards oblivion, towards a lack of existence separate from the lightened hero trapped in the dark / she had not hesitated for all that, to her, @heartinhands seemed like a falling star. ephemeral, entrancing, never meant to last, but deep inside there had been that quiet hope : that he would carry on, still.

that he would : appear, real and whole and individual, as if out of nowhere at all. as if she had pulled him from memories and made him real once more, as if by mere thought she could bring him forth, as if she had been hoping and lonely and WHEN HAD SHE NOT BEEN LONLEY, AFTER ALL?

it takes a moment to register. and then another. warmth around her shoulders, a steadiness near her / against her / a touch that makes her shoulders tighten for all of a moment / a presence that registers as NON-THREATENING with such immediacy that for a moment she finds herself confused with the instinct. as if pulled out of her memories, ❝ —— roxas, ❞ surprise lilts her tone. she feels somehow caught, something twisting in her chest, strange and ill-shapen and odd. she hadn't expected / hadn't known to foresee / but then : roxas loves twilight town, doesn't he?

she wonders what he's thinking about, to touch her so casually, to look over the towering walls of twilight town and over and over and over to that haunted place. haunted, still, because while the wraith no longer wandered those halls, there were still ghosts that lingered in every corner. every room. every last place they had touched.

for a moment, she doesn't know what to say. can't offer heartening words, eternally incapable of such a paradoxical thing. she wonders if roxas recalls what she does with such clarity. supposes that he does, surely / but he's too kind to her to hold it against her, isn't he? he's bright in her vision / everyone is / a falling star in the dead of night. ❝ i was thinking... ❞ she looks back to that barely visible roof and wonders over physicality and existence.

roxas existed, and it had been mournfully wondrous to see, and she —— had not, had NOT, had not in any sense of the word and he had been —— a falling star —— and NOW there is his arm and there is him and there is her / a ghost / and a house full of ghosts, weeping and screaming in sorrow.

a ghost of a place / a corpse of a girl.

❝ that... even though you weren't meant to exist, ❞ can a ghost learn kindness? is it still unkind, to repeat those words? WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT... EVEN IF IT WAS TRUE? a star, a world, a meteor falling and burning. roxas, roxas, who looks at her with a face that is a mirror / isn't a mirror / who looks at her and is that something pensive, on his face?

everything would be easier, would everyone just hate her.

❝ ... i'm happy you exist, ❞ can something such as happiness exist within her? ( yes / no / certainly ... not : but hadn't it been happiness when he had come for her, when the hero had come for her? ) his arm is warm against her shoulders / and it's a wonder he can touch her / can reach her / that there's anything to touch at all, and he's so —— perhaps a falling star cannot encompass it all. perhaps it is more apt to say that he is simply a boy who wants to exist. WHO DOES EXIST.

and isn't that more profound than a falling star?

❝ i'm... happy to have met you. ❞

[ wrap ]  –  for the sender’s muse to casually wrap their arms around the receiver’s neck and lean on their shoulder from behind.