#roomie watches 911

[cringefaildiaz]

so casual-911-watcher roomie has gone full tilt buddie in the last 12 hours since I filled her in on all the promos. Some insightful comments from her after watching 3 episodes and being filled in on some past storylines (with as little bias from me as possible):

"So they're lowkey raising a kid together but they don't live together? It gives divorced parents" after I told her about the will. I proceeded to tell her about the grocery store fight and she lost her goddamn mind

"He sounds gay to me. Like they wouldn't have to work that hard to make anyone believe he's gay" after I told her about Hot Dad #1 (Eddie)'s romantic history

"wait I'm sorry he dumped her because other Hot Dad TOLD HIM TO???" about Ana

"if they get married, there needs to be a thunderstorm at the wedding. I don't make the rules. There can be a cool disaster sequence and then everything is sorted out by the time they say 'I do'" about the buddie wedding she is now convinced we will get

"how long do you think they'll draw out the slowburn? I say they have another 2, 3 seasons at least" again she has seen 3 episodes

"I think Hot Dad #2 should relapse into his slutty ways after he realizes he's gay at the end of this season. What a good cliff hanger, if the audience knows they're in love with each other but slutty dad freaks out and downloads grindr instead of talking about his feelings"

"oooo I hope the kid tells the one who's in a coma that his dad risked his life to save him. He'd get sooooo mad" she's right! he would! How she has such a solid grasp on their characters is a mystery to me

Also she doesn't know any of their names.

[c1knight]

Hello Surgy Buddies,

Yes, it's been so long. In the least amount of words let's catch up. I hope everyone had a wonderful summer, you made it through your procedures and are happily home healing.

I planned on going on a wonderful vacation, looking forward to it. I had a Dr.s appointment. I hadn't seen this Dr. in 6 months.

Rushing down the stairs I slipped. The stairs were humid and I slid down. When I landed I looked like I was proposing to someone, no joke. Tried to stand and my foot was flapping back and forth. I couldn't understand why. I managed to get up once but that was only because I was standing on my tibia and fibula bones. I quickly called the Dr.s office, my friend and 911. After that I don't remember anything. Except an ambulance ride. I was in the Hospital for 2 days, don't remember. Except the back of a Dr's scrubs. My leg over his leg. 5 others in the room. I see him lift my leg and twist. He then pushed the leg back towards me. I remember screaming but not hearing it. I was out again. Never accept what a person says under pain killers. Apparently I was pretty angry and down right cruel. Again I don't remember.

I woke at a rehab center with a cast on. A roomie without her teeth, that I could hardly understand. A TV that was fuzzy and a constant beeping noise. OK, here's the good stuff. My phone was broken. It had locked up, for trying too many passwords. That password was completely different from my others. I was so angry. I put my pass in and it wouldn't go through. In this place you had to rent your personal wi-fi line. WTF??? I could use a laptop (not mine) to watch the Olympics.

Folks i could go on but you'd fall over.

The reason I had to stay 2 1/2 months in the facility was because I'd broken my weight bearing leg. There are 6 steps to get into my house. I couldn't do it. YUP I was there because I couldn't get up those stairs....I wore 3 different sizes of casts. Miserable. I got a visit from one of the fuzzy baby's. It made me feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I received a wonderful wedgie from a PT tech. He was afraid I would fall. I surprised my family at the progress I made. Progress my a$$.

DESPERATION is more like it. My Surgeon was surprised. I'm glad my body decided to work with me. There's so many more hilarious moments.. For instance at exactly 9am a patient across the hall, Pat, would scream for her meds. Which triggered everyone else.

I missed my summer and vacation. Next year might be the ticket.

I hope you'll hang on with me. Halloween is right around the corner. I'm not sure if I have seen goblins and ghosts. I sure hope not.

Werewolves and Vampires are my kinda thing. Welcome to my page. Stick around...it gets better.

Always,

Chris

🌹🤎🙃

[bisasterbuckley]

✨Get To Know Me!✨

Since I have been making my return to Tumblr and diving headfirst into the 911 community, I wanted to give you all an introduction to me!

So for all my new mutuals, new followers, and people newly stumbling upon my account:

★ My name is Megan (she/her/hers). Some call me Meg, but I'm open to pretty much any nickname!

★ I'm 23! Birthday: July 24th.

★ I am ADHD and bisexual (which basically my entire identity is centered around 😂).

★ Main Fandom: 911

★ Ships: Buddie, Madney, Henren, Bathena (To add: I don't necessarily ship BuckTommy but have no problem with it and enjoy it as queer representation!)

★ Blog tags: #bisastermeg 911 text posts - for all my 911 as text posts edits! #bisastermeg edits - where you can find all of my video edits (crack and serious)! #bisastermeg talks - any of my random thoughts, text posts, etc. #bisastermeg asks - answered asks #bisastermeg live posts - for when i live post watching shows/movies! (will be doing so for 911 s8 - filter 911 spoilers to avoid) #bisastermeg & roomies - what I and my chronically online roommates get up to in our apartment!

★ All Fandoms (Current or Previous): 911, Station 19, Teen Wolf, Heartstopper, RWRB, Boy Meets World, Percy Jackson, Julie and the Phantoms, Marvel, The Hunger Games, Big Time Rush, Dan & Phil, HTGAWM - and even more!

★ I've been involved in fandoms in various ways for as long as I can remember. I started with fanfic, moved to video editing, then operated a suggestion blog, moved back to video editing, and probably even more! Currently I am specializing in "911 as text posts" but may open myself to more later on.

★ My fandoms can vary based on my hyperfixations, so I am most involved with 911 currently.

★ Disclaimer: I am not interested in drama. I am, however, more than open to having respectful, nuanced discussions about differing opinions in the fandom! Not all of us will agree, and that's okay. Let's just be respectful about it, and hear everyone's opinions out!

If you resonate with me at all, I'd love to gain more mutuals and friends here, so please, feel free to follow and interact, send asks, send messages, you name it! <3

[agent-bash]

Just question is the clip your roomie sent about about 911 the one with the frozen person ? because I just saw that one and I've never watched the show but the random clips I catch on twitter shock me every time.

Yup!

[jtownraindancer]

Three ships: ...I am always reminded that I don't really do non-canon ships anymore. ^_^; uh... newmann, hunnihawk, henren? are the last three i read anything for so~

First ship: I don't actually remember? i do vaguely remember writing a dramione fic about 17 years ago that died with my old PC. ^_^;

Last song: I already dug your grave- Alemeda (Colors just dropped it about an hour ago, and I've been listening to it just as long lol)

Last movie: Nosferatu :)

Currently reading: Making my way through Plato's Five Dialogues because our science teacher wants to have a debate with me about it (this is how i bond with my coworkers ^_^;; )

Current watching: atm i'm technically on hiatus until sept. 26, but the roomie is rewatching MASH & 911 again so here and there catching a few episodes~ i've been too busy writing and trying to prep for my work conference next month x.x

Currently eating: nothing :( i tried some graham cracker bears earlier but they tasted weird and i've been sad ever since. i have half of a leftover chicken cheesesteak waiting for me at home though :)

Currently craving:

open tags because i'm just lazy today but really wanted to get some stuff out of my drafts. if you see this y'all're tagged~ 🤎

9 people you want to know better!

tagged by: @howlingmoonrise @alxina and @lonelylonelyghost (so sorry this took me so long T.T)

Three ships: it’s a bitter battle between nanqiu tiesanjiao and raetabby from m:fs i cannot rank them sorry </3

First ship: the first one i wrote anything for was firesand i think? but the first thing i posted online was locklyle (which i don’t care about anymore)

Last song: the break of dawn from the merciless ost because i’ve been listening to it constantly lately

Last movie: the merciless :) i did a rewatch of it recently, it’s still so good. i’m planning on buying a hard copy of it sometime

Currently reading: so many things :’) but mainly my princess has been reborn, misvil, sci (do NOT. learn from my suffering and avoid this novel like the plague), the shuang jing manhua, and these burning stars (plus also like fifteen other things very very slowly)

Currently watching: NOTHING because i’m too goddamn busy trying to finish my class and study for my final at the same time as i study to pass the hsk

Currently eating: nothing :( i could use some chocolate but there isn’t any to be had

Currently craving: RAIN because i like laying in bed reading during thunderstorms :) also i would KILL for some ice cream yuebing or a mango right now

open tag because i’ve fried my memory tagging for the last couple of tag memes sorry all. if you see this you’re tagged

[tirednotflirting]

SCREAM !!! SAM PLS !!!!! hhahahaaaa join me in the brain rot 😌 911 is a comedy actually 😌🫶

BETH alsjdlsdj ! LISTEN roomie and i are between shows and have been stuck for like a week on what to start and i Will be suggesting this when i get home lol

the characters sweet and Funny and i want to watch their adventures

[literally-magnus-bane]

I am continuing to make my roomies watch 911, we got Bobby's back story and got chim with some rebar in his head, so shits going great, I'm trying to get up too season two so they can meet Eddie

[cringefaildiaz]

alright casual 911 viewer roomie was traveling this week so we had to rewatch 6x11 last night, her thoughts below:

"This child (Jee)'s sleep schedule is a plot device"

when Buck get's rolled into the hospital "too many sad dads. and one very sad husband"

"HIS KIDS????????" shouted so loudly and for so long that she missed the teacher reveal and we had to rewind

Thunder by Imagine Dragons playing when coma!Buck shows up at Chimney's apartment had us both dying laughing

"No one's tchotchkes are safe" about the train in Chimney's apartment

"I hope the sister and the guy (Madney) get married at the firehouse and then gay dads (Buddie) decide to get married too in a Mamma Mia-esque 'everyone lives happily ever after' way"

Athena saying "Buck is going to be fine. He has to be" roomie responded "because this is a TV show. And he's hot. And he's one of the only single characters left"

"Awwww dream Chimney called him Buck"

"Which one is that one. They all look so similar" this is baffling to me. She got Buck, Eddie, and Doug confused all episode.

Hen saying "you'd be angry too if you lost your kid" roomie goes "THEY KILLED THE KID?????????" once again so loudly that she missed the context of how Eddie lost Christopher

"How are they not making a consistently bigger deal out of them co-raising this child. I mean I guess it's not that weird. We might have a kid together" apparently we might have a kid together, this was news to me

When Chris tells Buck he has to "come back" and coma!Buck echoes it with "I think maybe I'm supposed to come back to where it all started" she fully started sobbing. She had never seen Chris before watching this episode

"I thought she was handing him a head of cauliflower" when May is forcing a sandwich on Bobby outside the hospital. "Don't tell the people on the internet I said that!!!!" I am telling them

Had to pause for a good 15 minutes to explain the 118 extended family tree. She did not get it. To be fair the Buckley and Han parents being around does make it REALLY confusing

"ANOTHER OMINOUS TCHOTCHKE!!!!" She loved the trauma tchotchkes

"Love snarky dead drug addict dad. Wish he could stick around"

"Love how this guy floated no other alternatives beyond being in a coma dream. Like it couldn't just be a regular dream. He hasn't entertained the option that he like accidentally took a hallucinogenic drug or something" I informed her he has in fact been accidentally drugged before "Okay so I'm hearing that there were multiple other conclusions he could've come to. But he just knew it was a coma dream. okay."

"oh he knew he was in a coma dream but he was SHOCKED to see his body in a coma"

"This show is so corny"

Buck telling his parents "I know you did the best you could" roomie says "NO THEY DID NOT. They My Sister's Keeper'd you dude"

"Oop...okay. I guess" at evil!Buck

"Okay now hurry up and fix your self esteem so you can take a breath"

"through the power of self love he has summoned a magical dream ax"

Bobby asking what he was like in the dream she goes "you were like a.....spooky jokester"

"What the fuck is up with the couch metaphor"

[lakesbian]

hmm not that i recall unfortunately because i straight up did not give a shit about him like, right up until the moment he died, so my memories of what he gets up to in early worm (where what undersiders-sans-taylor dynamics are like is more prevalent) are spottier. which is a shame because undersiders-sans-taylor dynamics are rlly interesting to me. like, they were a team for a year and a half prior to her joining, there's a lot of history to dig into beyond the three-ish months she spends dragging them out of their peaceful irrelevancy and into the plot.

the only things that come to mind are the fact that literally the first thing she clocks about him upon meeting him is that he's extremely depressed and emotionally repressed + that they were roomies for a year and a half until the loft got kersploded. the undersiders are for real on "brian calling lisa 'lise'" levels of "whoops, my coworkers are the only family i have left" levels of bonding prior 2 taylor joining. plus the whole thing where alec trips and hits all of taylor's trauma buttons in an attempt to be nice and lisa is like. WHAT HE MEANS IS. and translates for him so taylor doesn't (metaphorically) run out of the room sobbing.

i'd like to hear yr thoughts abt their dynamic and also the thoughts of anyone who. actually remembers what it's like because until i go back and reread the book i'm sort of just saying shit. but i think the dynamic there is like.

alec is aware lisa isn't really, like, his Friend-Friend or even his Friend at all but they're Buddies. they're teammates. the undersiders are literally the only people in the world who give a single shit about him, so there's this repeated pattern of him indicating that despite not being very close with any of them (except 4 eventually aisha) on a personal level he still effectively centers them as the closest thing he has to a family & the most--and only--important ppl in his life. which goes both ways for a lot of the other undersiders tbh. he wouldn't hang out with lisa over brunch if you paid him (she's a know-it-all, which is useful and cool and funny when he's watching her turn it on their opponents, and fucking insufferable when it's just the 2 of them and she starts using it on him) but if he started randomly puking up blood or some shit he'd be dialing good ole reliable TT instead of 911.

and on lisa's end i think she has the very funny experience of seeing brian (fucked up and traumatized) alec (fucked up and traumatized) and rachel (fucked up and traumatized) and not Meddling beyond the bare amount of social manipulation necessary 2 keep things running smoothly and in the direction she considers most favorable. but then taylor (fucked up and traumatized) shows up and she's like THAT ONE. THAT ONE IS MY FAVORITE FUCKED UP AND TRAUMATIZED PERSON. I'M GOING TO MANIPULATE-FIX HER SPECIFICALLY. i think you could get a funny little worm au out of making it so she decides 2 make literally any of the other undersiders her surrogate brother instead of taylor. or, like, universe where she tries to multi-track drift fixing all of them at once.

but this is not that universe. so instead pre-taylor i think she just sort of. Watches him. could absolutely pick apart his psyche the way she could pick apart brian or rachel's psyches after spending so long around them. like she definitely understands how he works better than he understands how he works, because she had to understand 2 deal with him back when he first joined the team and was Even More Insufferable. but she's not doing anything with this information beyond keeping things smooth socially and occasionally going "damn that sucks for him" in her head.

oh and to answer your question in the tags of the clarithpost u rb'd from me he uses his power on sophia, shatterbird, and aisha. he technically also used it on cherish but the fact that this is an off-screen irrelevant thing and not a lengthy plot detail and also, like, His Sister, means it doesn't rlly detract from the point of 'wildbow makes him only use his power on WoC for some reason'

Hey, @lakesbian, do you remember any major Tattletale-Alec interactions? Or any at all, really. I’m chewing on some thoughts.

[weekendwarriorblog]

Sundance 2022 DAY 1 & 2: Emergency, FRESH, When You Finish Saving the World, After Yang

The 2022 Sundance Film Festival kicked off on Thursday, January 20 with a bunch of Day One films in different categories, and I tried to watch a cross-section of films, although I have to spread my viewing out, and still have to watch movies for next week’s column. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a full-time paying job right now, huh?

EMERGENCY

Directed by Carey Williams, Emergency stars RJ Cyler (Power Rangers, Me and Earl and the Dying Girl) as Shaun and Donald Elise Watkins (Black Box) as Kunle, two college students going to Buchanan, best friends and roommates who are looking forward to a night of partying by doing aLegendary Tour, essentially attending seven frat and club parties in one night. Kunle and Shaun are very different, Kunle being a studious science student whose doctor parents put a lot of pressure on him to do well scholastically, while Shaun comes more from the streets. They’ve become friends as roommates, along with their even nerdier roomie Carlos (Sebastian Chacon). Before heading out to do the tour, Shaun and Kunle go home to find a comatose girl (Maddie Nichols) in their living room, and they have to figure out what to do with her. Kunle wants to take her to a hospital, but Shaun warns that if they call 911, as black men, they’re likely to be blamed or even get shot. As the three roomies try to figure out what to do with the girl, her older sister (Gillian Rabin) tries to track her phone with her friends, leading to a night of escalating events.

This is the second feature for WIlliams after last year’s R#J, also starring Cyler, which I had not seen. There’s more than a little bit of Superbad (and ergo Booksmart) in the plot, as it follows the events of a single night. It’s great to see Cyler having such a great role after playing the middle role in one of my favorite Sundance movies ever (Me and Earl and the Dying Girl). He really drives most of the laughs in this one, although there’s also a bit of situational humor in how these three college guys get caught up in an ever-worsening situation. The movie features a particularly sharp script by KD Davila that allows Williams and his talent to play with the ever-changing tone but maintaining a brisk pace that keeps the viewer invested.

Emergency was pre-bought by Amazon Studios before the movie premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and when you watch it, you can tell why. I’s such a rousing film that’s both funny and moving, and Williams’ movie would have absolutely killed at the Eccles, so it’s a shame the filmmaker won’t have that experience.

Emergency works better as a comedy than it does as social commentary, and it might start to get a little too serious in its last act after setting itself up as a raunchy comedy. Still, there’s a lot of great talent on display here, and I imagine it should play well on Amazon.

Rating: 7.5/10

WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD

The next film is Jesse Eisenberg’s directorial debut after appearing in a number of Sundance premieres over his career. I’ve interviewed Jesse many times since first talking to him for The Squid and the Whale, and I’ve been to a few of his sets, as well, so I’m both excited and proud that he was able to make this movie and have it premiere on Day 1 of this year’s Sundance. It already has distribution planned from A24, to be released later this year, and it’s even produced by his Zombieland co-star Emma Stone with her husband David McCary, as well!

Set in Indiana, Finn Wolfhard – who apparently recorded an audiobook written by Eisenberg, which he in turn adapted into this film – plays Ziggy, a livestreaming social media singer/influencer who performs songs for global fans who tip him generaously. Julianne Moore plays his mother Evelyn, a social worker at a rehab shelter, who gives advice to parents having issues with their own kids. The two of them have not been getting along, and Eleanor takes a shine to the son of one of her patients named Kyle (Billy Bryk). Presumably seeing more in Kyle she��d like from her son Ziggy, she ends up spending more time with Kyle and interfering with his future against his real mother’s wishes.

Oddly, this actually reminded me of Squid and the Whale, although with different characters and situations and presumably not as autobiographical as Noah Baumbach’s earlier film. In some ways, it’s an interesting look and commentary on young people today, especially with how they want to be social media influences. Ziggy acts very self-important and narcissist about this own achievements getting followers, but to the other kids his age, he comes off as pretentious, making it all about himself while there’s so many bigger and more important concerns in the world. Ziggy likes a girl named Lila (Alisha Boe), who performs angry beat poetry, and he strives to sound more intelligent and political, which makes his mother mad at how he “takes shortcuts” rather than really trying to learn about global issues.

The movie feels very episodic in its storytelling as it slowly introduces these two characters who seem rather awkward in their own skins, lacking confidence when it comes to dealing with others, as much as they exude confidence in making some of their own bad decisions. As Eleanor bonds with Kyle, she lies to her husband and son about her activities, but it also seems like Ziggy pushes his mother away, pushing her to want to help Kyle, who actually has his own mother, who is in Eleanor’s care. It’s obviously a conflict of interests, but it’s just one of many things that she does that makes one question her motives.

In general, these are both generally unlikable characters at times, especially as Eleanor sometimes acts more childish than Kyle when they get into one of their fights. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of Wolfhard, and Ziggy is more than a little annoying – maybe it’s just ‘cause I’m a crotchety old adult. At times, you may wonder if Eisenberg is following Woody Allen into the world of having younger actors playing iterations of himself. (Not that I’m saying Eisenberg himself is annoying, far from it, but he definitely has his strengths and tics, which Wolfhard, at times, seems to be emulating.)

The film also offers some interesting music and quite a varied score from Emile Mosseri, who did the music for Minari (and whom I interviewed a year ago.)

When You Finish Saving the World is a semi-decent character study with some funny moments in terms of its sociopolitical commentary, but it also feels very much like a Sundance movie, similar to many others we’ve seen before.

Rating: 7/10

FRESH

My first “Midnight” screening of this year’s Sundance is this horror film directed by music video director Mimi Cave, making her feature debut with a film that stars Daisy Edgar-Jones as Noa, a young woman who we follow on a series of bad dates until she meets a good-looking guy, played by Sebastian Stan, at a supermarket, and they hit it off. After a few dates, she goes off with him to a house in the middle of nowhere, and that’s where things get dark. That’s also when we get the film’s title credits, an odd new trend I first noticed in the acclaimed Drive My Car. Her best friend Mollie, played by comedian Jojo T. Gibbs, gets suspicious about whether her friend is okay and starts to investigate Noa’s disappearance.

I can’t really relate to the awful dating scene, because I haven’t really dated in many, many years (by choice!), but I guess it can be important in many a young person’s life.That part of the film starts out a little too cutesy and Millennial for this old man, but then the film’s tonal shift is also when it becomes the type of horror I’m not a big fan of either, when there’s women being preyed upon or tortured for entertainment. Noa ends up communicating with two other women who were also tricked into her situation, but the film just drags as Noa begins interacting with her charming kidnapper with no forward movement on the story until the last act, which mostly makes up for it.

Stan is really good, though it’s really hard accepting him as such an awful character, especially as he’s singing and prancing around. I also just don’t feel very comfortable with casual conversations about cannibalism, since as a long-time vegetarian, I can get queasy just thinking about eating ANY kind of meat. And watching lots of scenes of people eating human? Just not for me either. It’s one of the reasons I walked out of Julia Corournau’s after 20 minutes and have never seen the rest of it.

That said, FRESH is a very well-made and also a fantastic looking genre flick – Cave is a talent on par with Promising Young Woman’s Emerald Fennell, for sure – but it takes such drastic shifts in tone, it reminded me very much of American Psycho, which I really didn’t like the first time I saw it either. It also reminded me a bit of Misery, but with genders reversed, it comes off more sensationalistic and in the vein of Eli Roth’s Hostel (and other horror movies he’s made). Maybe FRESH is similarly an acquired taste. As with a few of the other movies reviewed above, FRESH premiered at Sundance with distribution already in place via Searchlight Studios and will stream on Hulu on March 4.

Rating: 6/10

AFTER YANG

So many critics went gaga over Kogonada’s previous movie, Columbus, which premiered at Sundance maybe five years ago. I was mixed on it, so I’m going into his latest movie with a bit more trepidation, even though apparently it premiered way back in July 2021 at Cannes. And of course, the critics went gaga for it as well. Plus it already has distribution from A24, since this is definitely their kind of thing.

Based on a short story by Alexander Weinstein called “Saying Goodbye to Yang,” it’s a sci-fi tinged drama, starring Colin Farrell and Jodie Turner-Smith as parents Jake and Kyra with a young daughter named Mika (Malea Emma Tjandrawidjaja). It shows how this family has to deal with the malfunction of their “techno-sapien” Yang (Justin Min). Mika is particularly upset, but there are complications in reviving Yang, since he has things in his memory bank that might be good to preserve in a museum. One of the things Jake discovers is a girl within Yang’s memories (played by Columbus returnee Haley Lu Richardson), which may have been a romantic connection, which would prove Yang to have feelings.

Honestly, the best part of this movie is the opening titles with families of four synchronized dancing in a global competition, but it’s a sequence that gives off the false impression that this will be a movie with any sort of kinetic movement whatsoever. Instead, we follow Farrell’s character as he goes around meeting with different people trying to figure out how to save Yang, talking to various people including a mechanic named Russ.

The results are another contemplative piece that is at least slightly more interesting than Columbus, because it’s a far more interesting premise and story in the vein of Kubrickian science-fiction with beautiful production design across the board.

I did feel somewhat bad for poor Justin Min who has a few scenes including the opening and title, but other than a few flashback moments, he’s just lying there while everyone else talks about his character. Beyond that, the movie is just lots of philosophical and metaphysical blather about things like tea and about what it means to be human, and boy, I just did not have the patience for this at all.

Along with the production design, the score is quite pretty and adds a lot to the many nearly dialogue-free scenes, but probably my favorite part of the whole movie was the song that ran over the end credits. Because that meant it was over.

Honestly, this is not the kind of movie I would ever need to watch again, nor would it be something I’d recommend whole-heartedly to just anyone. In other words, it’s another yawner that doesn’t care if it keeps the viewer invested or entertained for long, as long as it can appeal to those who are more concerned with auteurism than anything resembling entertainment.

Rating: 6/10

I should have a few more reviews from Sundance tomorrow or Sunday.

[pepperful-qt]

You work in a surgery research place??? That's so cool ! I would love to hear your story about fainting , it seems fun :) and yeah , I am sort of an adrenaline junky but not to the extent that I will put me or my loved ones in danger ~😏

specifically research!! i'm not in the lab unless i'm delivering stuff & I mainly deal with organizing patient cases and data entry/filing, literally at a cubicle, & I only work on my school breaks

& OK AHAHAH this happened to me my freshman year of college, a roommate and I were watching the princess diaries while doing hw while another roomie was in her room doing hw. I go to the bathroom area to brush my teeth (our sink was separate from the actual bathroom and the living area) and the drawer with all my stuff is open. we're having a convo while I do this. I forget exactly what we are talking about, but I had this revelation and started to walk into the other room, then ramming my knee into the corner of the drawer, just missing the kneecap but right where a bunch of nerves are. I obv curse & stuff bc OWWW and they're like "are u ok" and I go "YEAH im fine" bc I have a walk it off mentality 🤷🏼‍♀️ so then I lean on the sink while I recover and the next thing ik I'm floating through nothingness while I figure out where my body is bc I was SLUMPED ON THE GROUND & one of my roommates was FREAKING OUT on the phone with 911 and banging down our RA's door. so the ambulance comes (we're on the 4th floor in the building furthest from the entrance to the dorms) and I STILL have toothpaste in my mouth and princess diaries is STILL ON WHILE THEYRE GIVJNG ME A CHECKUP & I'm totally fine I think I just hit a nerve or passed out from pain but apparently I hit the sink counter on the way down just below my nose and above my teeth bc it swelled so bad 😭😭😭😭 so I became infamous on my floor for this 🙃🙃🙃

[savethepinecones]

thanks for the tag bee!!

last song: a walk in the forest by brian crain. ive had my piano playlist on in the background a lot lately

favorite color: dark green

currently reading: fanfic. i want to start reading published stuff again but i dont really know where to start lol. i actually posted something the other day asking for recommendations because theres just so many options and i get overwhelmed lol

currently watching: 911 and psych. i just finished season 5 of 911 so im on track to finish my rewatch before the new season comes out! im on like episode five of psych but my roomie has the weekend off and weve been watching it together so were probs gonna watch a solid chunk of them over the next couple days

last movie: this is a total guess because tbh i cant remember the last time i watched a movie but were gonna go with spirit stallion of the cimarron. if you havent seen it you should check it out immediately ive been obsessed with it since i was a kid and i wasnt even a horse girl

sweet spicy or savory: sweet! my spice tolerance is honestly ridiculously low and im trying to work on it but its a process lol. not surprising considering i grew up on mostly boxed pasta and what my grandma calls "dump recipes" which are just a bunch of different cans of things thrown into a pot and heated up

relationship status: so so single. id love a qpr but i have no idea how to talk to people send help

current obsessions: 911 and dan and phil. ive also started listening to the adventure zone again. i picked up where i left off which was steeplechase and im like five episodes into versus dracula now. i also started relistening to balance when im high cuz im not gonna listen to something new when i know ill forget half of it lol

tea or coffee: coffee! i dont drink it very often but im a big fan of chai lattes

last thing i googled: i have no idea tbh. i use duck duck go so i cant check through my history to find out

im tagging @mooseinmoss @sadlittleratboy @dnptheinfinity with my standard no pressure disclaimer

Q&A :-)

rules: answer and tag people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with

last song: Tsunami (11:11) by Bambie Thug, me and my bestie are going to see her next week so she's been on repeat

favorite color: Purple!! So much of my stuff is either black or purple, but purple is for sure my favourite!!

currently reading: buddie fanfiction, it's basically all I've been able to read lately, but for published works I've been rereading The Foxhole Court because Oli started reading it and I needed to remember what actually happens in the first book since the events kinda blur together for me after all these years 😂

currently watching: Markiplier's Resident Evil 7 playthrough on Youtube idk why but it helps me sleep, but apart from that rewatching 911 and Leverage

last movie: it's been a while since I've watched a movie but the last one was Red White and Royal Blue

sweet, spicy or savory: savoury

relationship status: happily single lmao

current obsessions: 911. it has taken over my life, 911 is all I've been able to think about for months lmao

tea or coffee: I don't really do hot drinks so iced coffee

last thing i googled: season 8 supernatural release date, I was trying to figure out when I bought the boxset of dvds I have 😂

tagged by: @bloodsoakedbuckley 🖤

tagging: @speaknowbuckley @cowboy-babygirl-eddiediaz @jackwhiteprophetic @autisticjoshrusso @eddieisinlove @pinkponydiaz

[agent-bash]

Since you don't mind questions about 911 what would an FD have done in the Jonah situation, were the other's right to be mad at Taylor?

Nonny I'm gonna link you to a post that my friend Cíara (@fighterkimburgess) reblogged earlier that sums things up pretty well.

Just like cops have the blue wall that needs to fall, we have the red, and it needs to be obliterated as well. But building that red wall up high, fortifying it, is all that Buck's (as well as Chimney's and I think Hen's) reaction to Taylor's reporting said to me.

I watched this episode with Roomie last night. And I was pissed off pretty much the entire time. It's hard when things like this happen. You trust paramedics and firefighters implicitly. Without question. Your life is in their hands and you know that, so you respect it. More than that you believe in it. So when someone, a perfect stranger, who you're supposed to trust so fully and so easily, takes advantage of that, betrays that, it shakes you. And I don't mean 'you' in a strictly general sense. I don't mean it to be just the public who we swore to protect, I mean it as in me and my co-workers as well. Our lives are in each other's hands just as much, if not more than yours are. If I'm hurt on the job, and I have been, then I'm rescued by my team. I'm treated by the same paramedics I work with day in and day out. Just like everyone else. And to abuse that...it's honestly rage-inducing to me.

The FD would have done an Olympic-level gymnastics routine to deflect this situation. Blame would have been placed on any and all FDs that Jonah cycled through before coming to LA. Make no mistake in LA's eyes, they're the victim. Not the person we know Jonah killed, not all the others he put in danger, not the others he likely killed, but them. The institution. And they would have said and done anything to make the people see that. And a part of me gets it. They don't want the stink of this to linger on the department, not just because it's a bad look, but because it makes the public question us. It makes them wonder, even if just for a second if they can trust the firefighter or paramedic who comes to rescue them. And that makes our job harder.

But Taylor has a job too, and an important one. And truthfully, they all should have been happy that she was the one who broke the story, and not some reporter that maybe isn't as inclined to see things from their point of view. Nothing from what we saw of Taylor's reports put any blame on the FD. As Roomie pointed out/filled me not only has she been saved by firefighters, not only was she dating one, but there's also her experience with her dad. She knows how easily killers can hide in plain sight. And the turmoil they can leave in their wake. She knows that intimately. So of course she isn't going to blame the FD, any of them for this oversite, nor is she going to blame any one firefighter, as others might and have in the past. But she is also not wrong in saying that the public deserves to know that this happened, without the hoop jumping spin the FD would put on it. That someone like this was able to get through the psych evals. That this was not a one-off, that there could be more victims out there. And not just in LA.

TL;DR: Bobby was the only one talking sense to me last night. I think he's the best reflection of what they all should have been feeling. I'm hoping that maybe this was some deflecting going on on the other's parts because we all do that. We've all shifted blame at one point or another. We all take our complicated feelings out on people who usually don't deserve it. But a) that doesn't make this right and b) given my (albeit very limited) experience with this show, that's way too much to ask.

[crazy4tank]

Hoonigans Go Deep On A Heretical 993-Swapped Porsche 911 Restomod

New Post has been published on https://coolcarsnews.com/hoonigans-go-deep-on-a-heretical-993-swapped-porsche-911-restomod/

Hoonigans Go Deep On A Heretical 993-Swapped Porsche 911 Restomod

For some reason, Porsche purists often hate everything their beloved organization does. These days, they're horrified by using two different fonts on the 992-generation 911's rear decklid, plus the use of turbochargers in non-Turbo vehicles . But the trend goes completely back to the original 911, which was considered too angular compared to the 356 in order to debuted as the 901. Today, nevertheless , a Porsche counterculture appears to be expanding, with safari builds increasing and plenty of engine swaps in abundance . Perhaps the groundswell explains exactly why Hoonigan AutoFocus host Larry Chen branched out from the usual crop associated with JDM tuners to check out a 993-swapped 911 restomod in Louisiana.

[embed]https://youtube.com/watch?v=557-n0P_gE0[/embed]

The vehicle comes courtesy of NolaSport , the Porsche shop operating out of Metairie, and looks downright mean within Viper Green paint. Chen has been invited to drive this 911 simply by Dylan Scheurich of NolaSport. However the paint job and front essential oil cooler scream out that some thing serious might lurk under the engine, and as soon as Chen plus Scheurich fire the engine as much as go for a spin, the growling exhaust system gives away all the work beneath the skin.

RELATED: Check Out This Beautiful RB25-Swapped S13 240SX

Dangling off the rear axle lurks the 993-generation 911's 3. 6-liter VarioRam flat-six, which benefits from a 2016 GT3 RS's center muffler within the exhaust system but remains largely share and fits fairly well in to the rear engine bay. Given that NolaSport didn't really upgrade the powerplant, it should be producing somewhere around 272 hp and 243 lb-ft of torque, however in a car that weighs far less than the usual 993.

RELATED: Check Out This Audi-Swapped Porsche 924 BOSS Tribute Racecar

The particular quick footage of Chen generating the car reveals how small the particular steering wheel is, but the rest of the inner surface looks relatively roomy and he arrives away especially happy with the chairs, which were shipped in from European countries and feature classic houndstooth inserts. The particular shifter also stands out, offering a lot more precise throws that Chen could pick up quite easily—or at least, easier than on the standard factory change mechanisms that Porsche shipped initially and collectors prize so much these days. Impressively, all the gauges still functionality and there's no way to miss just how much Chen loves driving the car, showing that sometimes, these heretical develops can turn out even better than old and newer cars alike.

Sources: youtube. com plus nolasport. net.

NEXT: This Toyota MR2 Packs A Mid-Mounted Minivan Motor

[godtier-rose]

healing is hard

I’ve recently went through something so unreal to me that I’m still honestly pretty emotional and still working through it.  I kept a little measly journal while I was in a psych ward, and I have now been home for almost a week and have typed up all six days I had spent there. This is going to be such a LONG post, but if you are struggling, or just curious about what a psych ward was like from my point of view, go on and read this. 

I want others to know that they aren't alone with their suicidal thoughts. I feel shy and a little embarrassed talking about mine, and my depression, but thats what landed me in there. I didn't ask for help. 

My sister gave me “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” while I was in there, and it just felt nice to read something that someone else went through that I was then going through. Thats why I wrote every day in my little booklet while I was in there.

I was given a second chance that others do not get. People have already denied my experience. I don’t care. People who try to tell you that what happened to you wasn’t real, literally don’t matter. I didn’t try to kill myself to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t plan on surviving. But I lived. 

Here are my days, as best recalled and sloppily written as I can manage, not being the best writer: 

day 0 - last day

the walk to publix is simple. after spending an hour or so browsing the web for lethal doses of drugs, I settle on tylenol pm. 8 is dangerous. I can do that, I tell myself. I buy a bottle and a lunchable ( I have beer at home right? I think so), last meal goals? I almost run home, i’m grossly excited to die. sickening. but I was told one that I would never be remembered. I feel at peace. I won’t have to think about living after i’m gone, not about my depression, not about my feelings, money, stress, no consequences. living is so hard and dying is so easy.

no one else is home, I planned this perfectly. one handful, one beer. repeat. repeat. feel dizzy. fall around the room. knock shit over. people come home. I babble nonsense and say i’m going to bed. my note has been written. I tell no one what i’m doing, I don’t want to be stopped. I don’t want to survive this. no texts and no tweets, people will find out eventually. who cares, not my problem anymore.

drink. swallow more pills. drink. swallow. I stopped counting at 9 beers and 20 something tylenol. I hadn’t eaten all day, my lunchable is long forgotten. i’m a 5’1”, 98 pounds, this should do it. I don’t remember how much I ingest after that.

I black out, finally. i’m ready to die.

day 0 part 2 - not yet

and then???????

I wake up. mouth dry. vision so blurry I panic. I can barely stand. I think i’m going to be sick but nothing comes out. breathing hurts. everything hurts, everything is heavy, wavy,confusing.

i didn’t die. I was given another chance. panic, my body is shutting down, I text my sister, I call poison control, i’m too scared to dial 911. i’m not important or worth it.

I decide to get a fucking uber.(someone told me an ambulance ride is $1,000, fuck that) he pulls up and goes “...hospital???” and i’m standing there, swaying. Yes. please. he freaks out and seems confused, but drives fast and rushes me in. a man has me fill out paperwork and then he asks what’s wrong. I tell him I swallowed more than 20 tylenol to kill myself. I don’t remember how many I  swallowed after 20, I don’t know how much I drank after that. he calls out a stretcher and i’m rushed away. all of my things are taken from me. i’m changed into a hospital gown (butt cheeks OUT, hospital gowns are embarrassing ) they take my blood, they put an IV into me (I almost pass out when I feel the cold go inside my vein, what the fuck) I don’t know what they pump into me but it feels weird and i’m freaked out. tabs are placed all over my body, i’m hooked up to an EKG machine. charcoal tablets( I think ? something for my stomach or liver they say? I'm not a doctor I don't know ) are taken. the nurse asks “honey why would you do this? why are you sad? what is there to be sad about?” a lot. she says i’m lucky that i’m still alive, the amount of alcohol and acetaminophen I consumed and still had in my body should have killed me or shut down my liver. I wanted to say “that was the goal” but I shut up as she took my vitals.

hours pass, I ask for my phone and they say I can look at it once...only once, and make it just a few minutes. then they put it in a bag with my clothes and purse. nurses and doctors walk past my room and peek in and whisper. one finally goes “is this her? the suicide ?” a woman from another room yells back “Yeah that’s the baker act”. i’m embarrassed. nurses and doctors keep stopping by my room to look in and I keep trying to avoid their eyes. I ask to use the restroom and I have to pee with the door open in the middle of the hospital, i’m not allowed to close it (suicide means 24 hour watch).I hate this. I ask my nurse if i’m going home tonight, she says “no baby, we can’t let you go home” I start crying. I call my sister from the nurses flip phone and tell her i’m not coming home.

it’s almost midnight now, hospital food is awful and i’m watching chopped on the tv above my bed. another nurse told me god saved my life. another tells me i’m “too young to be sad”.

“the baker act is being transferred” that’s what i’m called, i’m the suicide. the baker act. another stretcher comes, i’m loaded on. another hospital. I get to ride in an ambulance for the first time, the paramedics think it’s funny when I tell them that I took an uber to the hospital. “I bet it was cheaper, that’s for sure.”

they take me 10 minutes away, to a place that has a mental health unit. I have to sit downstairs in a room to wait for a bed. I go to the bathroom and a nurse yells at me and he slams the door open, saying “you can’t close this, you have to go with the door open!” i’m given a turkey sandwich and a little fruit cup, sitting in a reclining chair, it’s 2 am when they say I can go upstairs now. a screaming man was brought in when I was leaving, the nurses yelling at him saying he’s here because he was found naked in the bushes waving a samurai sword. I laugh and a nurse asks me what’s so funny.

I meet someone up on the 6th floor, the psych ward floor. She takes me to a room and I have to strip down. she marks a body chart with my tattoos, my burns, my cuts. i’m asked for the millionth time why i’m there. she gives me a new gown and brings me to my room. it’s a plain as it gets, and my roommate is asleep. it’s 2:30am.

I lay down in the most basic bed with this pillow that’s literally filled with something paper like. I sleep like shit.

day 1 in the psych ward

i am woken up again at 6am for vitals. I fall back to sleep until my roommate and I wake up to an announcement at 8:30. we stay in bed and talk a little. she’s here for swallowing 50 xanax, I say “shit, you beat me, I blacked out at 20 something tylenol” she’s impressed. she’s a 46 year old mother. kara. a doctor comes to see us and talks about the severity of what we both have done, tells us what meds they will be putting us on. we leave our room and look around, a nurse tells us we missed breakfast, but she gets us some cereal and juice. this place is full of interesting people, I watch in awe. a woman (marlene)keeps saying she’s frank sinatras daughter and that someone keeps burning her with cigarettes (no smoking allowed and she just yelled that it was happening just then, when no one was around her) another woman (isabelle) claims she works for the phone company, and takes one of the hospitals phones and takes it apart (breaks it) and says she got the bug out. a man (joe) won’t stop yelling for nurses. another woman (mary) keeps petting everyone’s hair. me and kara stick close to each other that morning. I speak with a case manager, who tells me i’ll be here a few days because of how severe my case is. whatever. I call my sister on the cord phone they have on the wall, ask her to bring me some books and clothes. I feel embarrassed to be walking around in the hospital gown. I tell her “it says we have arts and crafts today at 1:45”, she can’t stop laughing, “are you fucking serious???” it literally says Arts and Crafts on the daily events whiteboard.

I ask a nurse if I can shower, she gives me a towel and unlocks the shower door, where an open shower with no cover or curtain is, but I can lock the door.a broken soap dispenser holds a shampoo/bodywash combo (LAME), and there’s a few bandaids on the shower floor. I have to stand on my tiptoes to get close to the water. this sucks. after my shower it’s “process group” time, where kara and i get to meet some of the others, talk about our feelings, the works. kristie, sherri, carl, natalie, andrew, and myself and kara are the most sane and coherent. we all sit near each other at lunch. kristie is here for cutting herself, sherri for OD’ing, carl for suicidal thoughts, andrew for trying to slit his throat on drugs. I️ get mystery meatloaf for lunch. kara asks the nurse where to get a toothbrush after lunch, the nurse goes “maybe if you left your room and ask, you’d get one earlier.” I get defensive of my roomie and say “well ma’am i’m sorry we didn’t exactly pack for this, the plan wasn’t to make it here alive” kara, kristie, carrie, and andrew lose it, they can’t stop laughing. the nurse walks away.

someone tells me that after lunch a woman comes around with a menu, and you can order your lunch for the next day. I order chicken parm and mac n cheese and breakfast for others and cereal for myself. I order dinner for kara because she’s napping and I don’t want her to be cursed with the mystery meatloaf again.

after lunch is arts and crafts, where I make my sister a bracelet and then help a man from the other wing make a bracelet for his daughter.

after arts and crafts is a bit of free time, me and kara sit together and talk with a few of the others. the days feel so long here. my sister brings me clothes, makeup, toiletries and books, but i’m not allowed to see her. she gave me “Its kind of a funny story” and said that I️ had to read it because the kid gets baker acted. she brought me the extra clothes and stuff I asked for, I wander around and give clothes to some of my friends who aren’t able to have someone bring them any. I get conditioner, face wash, shampoo, body wash, and lotion, and become the toiletry mom who hands out and shares it with everyone who wants to use it in the shower.

eventually it’s dinner, and since we only got to order for the next day, kara and I are stuck with meatloaf again. I call elspeth after dinner and tell her about my day, tell her not to tell anybody i’m here, not even my parents, tell her to tell them my phone is dead and i’m at a friends, I don’t want anyone to know yet. i’ll y’all when i’m out and ready. she says she got mad and told some people what I did, but they didn’t believe her. that’s fine, I tell her they can never contact me ever again because they don’t care. I have nothing to prove. I lived and am now locked in a god damn mental ward. I have more important things in my life besides caring about people acting like they know what I did and why I did it. my goal was to be dead and not have to deal with this, but I got another shot so let me fucking be. i tell her there is visitation tomorrow from 6pm-8pm. I tell her that one of my friends was going to hang out with me, and that I can’t make it. also that I was messaging another friend and that she can tell him what happened, he will be understanding and caring. (shoutout to my sister for holding everything together while I could only contact the outside world through her via a phone with a cord)

after that I lie in bed and read my toradora manga elspeth also brought me. vitals are checked. a doctor ask me how i’m feeling, etc.

eventually we get snack time? which is juice, popcorn, bananas, and bread with PB&J.

finally it’s bedtime, my first day is complete. this all feels surreal. I write everything in the back of a booklet I was given earlier. I sleep like shit again.

day two, the days are still so long

6 am, vitals again. back to sleep. an announcement at 8 am gets me and Kara awake, it says there’s “grooming” taking place, where you’re allowed to shave your facial hair or armpits in front of the nurses, in a sink, and also they have mouth wash. great.

8:30, breakfast. the board says that there’s pet therapy today, and visitation tonight!!!!

process group again. I shower. lunch. my food isn’t as awful as the meatloaf but it’s still hospital food. carl tells me I have to go to the meds window to ask for my meds, but warns me they will have me sign a paper. they don’t tell you, but the paper is a voluntary admission form that once you sign, your baker act is no longer valid and you can only leave if a doctor says you can. I say that’s BS because I wanna go home after my 72 hours. he says if I don’t sign, they just re-baker act you. no way. I go to the window and ask for my meds, and the nurse gives me a paper and says “sign this to get your medication”. it’s the voluntary admission form. I ask her if I sign this, what happens. she said it’s the “first step towards getting better”. I said “if I sign this my baker act is removed and i’m becoming a voluntary patient right?” she says “well....yes, but it’s the first step towards getting better.” I ask her what happens if I don’t sign it. she goes “....well then you will probably be here a longer time :(“ I end up signing the papers, i’m fucked either way. I didn’t even want to take prozac or be i’m this place.

pet therapy gives us a golden retriever named JR who is so cute and licks my face. I love him. it brightened a lot of people’s days. after dinner we get visitation, everyone eats fast and me and kara stay behind to help the nurses clean up.

i’m so excited for visitation. i️ told my sister she can bring someone with her. kara’s family and daughter are coming too, I get to meet them. elspeth comes and brings an old friend, I hug her and him for so long, it feels so good. you find out who is really there for you. I tell them all about my crazy day and how there was a bra left on the floor in the public room and how people keep acting out. I give elspeth the bracelet I made her in arts and crafts, I meet kara’s family. it made my day. after visitation is snacks, a young girl comes in and I feel instantly protective of her. I ask her if she has clothes and she says no, so after I sneak extra snacks for her, I run to my room and gather up a shirt and pants, lotion, and some of the graham crackers packs i snuck from snack time, I run back and give them all to her, tell her that i’m in room 604 and she can ask me for anything. I tell her how this place runs, as if i’m a pro even though i’ve been here for 2 days. she’s so thankful, her name is Destinee.

eventually, it’s bedtime again. I journal and fall into another shitty sleep.

day threeeeee...get me out of here

once again, 6 am vitals. back to sleep until 8 am announcements. I decide to get my butt up and shave my armpits in a sink during grooming time. we aren’t allowed to shave our legs, but whatever i’ll take what I can get.

my day follows a constant schedule. always breakfast at 8:30, process group, I shower, the board tells me today is more arts and crafts and bingo tonight. kara, kristie and I sit in our room and talk about cam girls and people who buy feet pictures. kara is fascinated that kristie and I know so much about the dirty web.

I start reading “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” and it’s so similar to my situation. Craig is baker acted and he’s taken to the 6th floor (i’m on the 6th floor, are all psych wards there??). he talks about the food, the people, even the shape of the ward (shaped like an H), which is what my psych ward is shaped like ! it’s a good book, I feel like the author right now, as I type up my experiences. being here is honestly so crazy I just had to write about it.

there’s another group and this time it’s a mix of all the wings, (I am in the East Wing, the west wing is the violent or dangerous patients.) one guy from the west wing tries to start a fight with Cheryl, the rec therapist. he leaves angry.

in arts and crafts I become notorious for being able to find any letter bead asked of me, maria from the west wing says any letter and I dig through the bead box and find it for her. I help another guy make a ring. I make a bracelet for someone who cares about me.

lunch is late because the guy who got mad during group, started a fight in the dining hall and all of us from the east wing watched from the window. he threw his tray and food was everywhere. we see him on the floor and find out he was probably sedated.

we eat, continue our day. I read my book and hang in my bed. kara’s family brought magazines for us, so we share those and read about the outside world. I miss my phone and the internet. I talk to a doctor who says I won’t be going home this weekend. (it’s friday today, so she says maybe monday because of how severe my case is.) kara gets the same news. the doctors all say “well imagine how bad it would look if we release you now and you kill yourself, you were in our care, that would be on our hands.” what a lame excuse.

later is dinner, our table always consists of the same group of people, a nurse says “why do you all sit together always???” we love it. we laugh and all share what we have witch each other.  

bingo is next, where carl says you can win prizes, and he’s gonna try to win some deodorant because the nurses keep refusing to give anyone any. that’s so sad. I win a game and give carl the deodorant, he says I didn’t have to do that.

snacks. then bed.

day four!!!!!

same basic schedule, except today it says game day for our activity.  

we get to the dining hall and it’s decked out with a wii, basket ball hoops, a ping pong table, and a bunch of other board games. andrew and I play wii bowling, and then I play jenga with kara.

kristie and carl have gone home, I miss them already but I hope they are doing okay. a new guy named paul joins us all, we tell him what’s up. me, destinee, sherri, and paul all sit on the hallway floor and talk about crazy shit. a new woman named virgina walks around and spills her tea everywhere, talking about being american and carrying a stack of 8 books that she occasionally reads out loud to nobody in particular.

we have a different night nurse, his name is richard and he’s literally the best. he tells us at snack time that he’s opened the “patio” (a gated in balcony connected to the dining hall that none of the nurses ever feel like opening because they don’t want to watch us) I literally run and andrew makes fun of the faces i’m making because i’m so excited to breathe outside air.

after that, richard pulls out a box full of movies and say we can all have a movie night in the community tv living room. everyone decides on jeepers creepers 2. it was a great night.

I continue to sleep like shit, and I have a dream about my ex.

day 5! when can I leave???

it’s sunday and kara has to miss her mothers surprise party. we want to go home! there aren’t even any case managers here today, so we can’t even talk to anyone. we MIGHT go home tomorrow, we are told. not for sure. sherri goes home tomorrow!!! I give her one of my sweaters to keep and we exchange numbers for when we are on the outside.

football is on the community tv and I call my friend and say “watch this, your team is gonna win and this other team is gonna lose.” his team wins and I can’t stop laughing, I was just kidding but it somehow worked.

my day still follows the basic schedule.

day 6: FALSE HOPE

i’m not going home today! lame!!!!! a doctor tells me there’s no discharge order for me today, but there’s one for tomorrow! i’ll take it.

the board says today is music and drum therapy. also there will be games tonight in the dining hall.

the loud guy who yells constantly, joe, is leaving today. we all secretly cheer when he leaves, because he just yelled at people to make his bed and to come to his room. now i can read without having to here someone yelling “NURSEEEEEEE” down the hall every 3 minutes.

drum therapy is fun, we all get to sit and bang in drums to describe how we are feeling.

music therapy is just “pick one song on youtube and toni the rec therapist will play it on the TV” I pick human by the killers.

kara and I play jenga for games night, it’s our thing now. richard is here again and we are so happy, that means patio and movie night. my last night is spent surrounded by my support group as we laugh on the patio, sharing a blanket with kara as we watch Disturbia, and drawing pictures for destinee until it’s time for bed. I make sure I have everyone’s numbers written in the back of my booklet. I ask the meds window for something to help me sleep, i’m too anxious and know I won’t fall asleep tonight. they give me ativan ? and I go to bed. I finally don’t sleep like shit.

Day 7: Freedom

IM GOINNNG HOMEEEE!!!!! 

I wake up excited and make sure I get together my belongings. I’m visited by doctors and case managers, nurses give me plastic bags to put stuff in. I make sure I give nurse millie a big hug. kara isnt leaving until tomorrow, so i give her a big hug too. the community board says tonight is karaoke night, and I feel bad that I have to miss it, but I leave before lunch. the hospital drives me home in a van, and i’m so excited when I step outside. I start crying and the driver brings me home. I cry again. I take the worlds longest shower and I go get some chick fil a. I sit outside for hours. I hold baby kitty and start crying. I check all my social media. I reply to texts. I sit my mom down and tell her what happened. I do not tell my dad or my brother. my stepdad is in germany and I will tell him when he’s home. ———- afterthoughts:

    the mental health system is fucked. not one doctor or therapist or psychiatrist really helped anyone in that psych ward. if you asked for underwear or deodorant the nurses wouldn’t want to give you any, they said “well you have one pair of underwear already.” some nurses and doctors were kind, but not one of them had any type of sensitivity or empathy. my first three days there, half the nurses assumed I was one of the drug addicts and kept trying to give me nicotine patches and tried having me go to AA meetings. in group “therapy” we were asked how we felt and that was it. the doctors asked us from 1-10 our depression and anxiety, and then gave us meds. we were told if we tried to leave after our 72 hour baker act, that we would just be re-baker acted and be there longer. asking questions was like a game of “which nurse do we ask so that they don’t say no or ignore us” I was not given any type of one on one sessions with a therapist. I was just repeatedly asked “why would you do this? what do you have to be sad about?” they made an appointment for 7 days after I left, never contacted my sister, and let me leave. I swore every night when I prayed (I feel cheesy but I also feel like I owe god my life at this point) that when i’m out, I will put together a box of clothes and books and stuff for arts and crafts and game nights. they have six books and hardly any crafts, and almost no clothes for people who come in with nothing and have to wear the hospital robes. people deserve better. everyone in there survived something that others don’t get to, people need help. this felt like the hospital just wanted our money for keeping us there longer. it’s not fair. I felt like a prisoner. everyone did. a man raped his roommate in our wing and all they did was move him to the west wing. kara and I had to ask to have our room locked from the outside so that we didn’t have to keep going to bed scared.

it felt surreal, but now i’m home and want to help in any way I can. i’m blessed to have met my roommate, we just went to church together and had a fake thanksgiving with my family and her daughter. we call each other every day. i’ve only been home 6 days, but every day I remind myself that i’m alive for a reason. I take my meds. I text my friends. I do my makeup and eat every day. i’m finally 102 pounds and not 94 pounds. I have grand openings for work lined up. i’m going to puerto rico with my church for a missions trip in a few months, to help with hurricane relief. i’m going to help as many people as I can.

I hope that writing all of this just kinda helps. I don’t want people to think they are alone. I did not plan to live, I planned to die. I didn’t die. there are people who literally said i’m faking it. but those people don’t matter. I didn’t get drunk and swallow over 20 tylenol pm and survive, and spend 6 days in the hell that was that psych ward, to have anyone tell me my experience didn’t happen or was for attention. I don’t care if you are trying to die or if you commit and survive, you’re important and deserve care, attention, and help. I deserved every hug and kiss and call and text from people when I was out of there. I have such an amazing support system. I have friends who aren’t judging me, who say “i’m so happy you’re alive emily, let’s hang out. i’m so glad you failed, I love having you in my life.”

I have only told hardly a few people, this is my public account of as much as I can remember. I don’t want any pity. I lived.

 I’m going to keep living. I’m going to work hard, I’m going to buy nice clothes and makeup, i’m going to travel and open new stores for my job, I’m going to pour myself out and connect and train my teams, I’m going to stay up late watching anime and cartoons, and eat junk food and party with my friends, i’m going to get tattoos, pet every cat, make art and finish school, i’m going to hang with my sister and my family, and i’m going to heal and find love and care for myself and for another person again. i’m gonna give as much as I can and love and be kind. I’m not perfect but neither are you. We all have flaws so just damn love and embrace and smile at each other. Help each other.

Thank you to everyone who has been so patient and caring and supportive. I love you all so much and I can’t wait to continue my life with a new passion and outlook. 💘

[ragsweas]

Awwie thanks for the tag @sunnyrosewritesstuff !!

Last Song: edge of night (are we surprised?)

Last TV show: 911 since @howardhans my roomie has gotten me hooked

Currently watching: Started Supernatural lmao!! It's been interesting to say the least

Currently Reading: except the 100 fanfics? Umm, I started Six of Crows yesterday!

Tagging: @dimdiamond @kelly6ridge @howardhans @thesadboisguidetolife @lathalea

Rules: Tag 9 people you’d like to know better/catch up with

thanks to @lonelyheartsmotel for the tag!!

last song: “what do it mean” by lord huron

last TV show: the strain

currently watching: under the banner of heaven

currently reading: the locked tomb series by tamsyn muir (a reread because my brain was tired), the perfect storm by sebastian junger (also a reread), if not for this by pete fromm, and morgoth’s ring by jrr tolkien

tagging (sans pressure or obligation) @sixwildswans @allegoriesinmediasres @palmviolet @mysandwichranaway @mikaverleth @queencharybdis