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perpetual-fool · 2 months ago

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Assorted disorganized feelings.

Was considering my life in terms of continuity, like it's supposed to go a certain way or that I'm here for something. It makes things seem like more of a waste, even more pointless.

Aside, the thought was inspired by clips of Doctor Who, which the algorithm decided to show me. Not really a fan. I vaguely recall liking nine and ten well enough as low-effort sci-fi. Then eleven started leaning heavily into the quirky angle and playing the "I'm the doctor!" card wayy too often. But mostly I'm annoyed that the character development never caught up with the setting. Like, awhile back I saw a clip where one of the companions was feeling distress over the idea that in the future she was already dead. And she was saying that the doctor must think of everyone as if they're already dead. And that's actually an interesting point, someone who can move freely through time must have an entirely different conception of causality. Like, sure you could save this little baby, but they're just going to grow up and die in a hundred years or so anyway, so what's the difference? And to be fair, I stopped watching so maybe they addressed this. But as far as I know, they didn't. The doctor never grew to fit his setting, and remained forever wibbly-wobbly on exactly what the rules are making for uninteresting sci-fi. Also the writing isn't great, but whatever.

So if I were here for a reason, it's because there's a handful of stuff that needs fixing. My story started in fourth grade music class. Four representatives from the sixth grade orchestra class came in to give a demonstration of the instruments, then the music teacher encouraged us to pick one and the join the orchestra. That seemed like a good idea. It was mildly interesting and I was bored out of my skull, though it wouldn't have described it that way. The instruction has always been so far below my abilities that I never recognized it as teaching at all, I view it either as torture or attempted brainwashing. So being less torturous, I chose one. I liked how the cello sounded but thought it'd be a hassle to carry home, so I chose viola instead. So that put me on a path bent towards music.

The problems began right away. The way music is taught in abstract is wrong, having you just memorize 'C D E F G A B C', (maybe Do-Re-Mi if you were lured into choir). I ended up translating the position of notes on the page to finger positions on the instrument. That led to a dead end for my personal progress but is suited to the education system's goal of turning kids into glorified robots. Maybe you've run across jokes about how classically trained musicians can't improvise or play without sheet music, that's because they were conditioned to essentially be a player piano. Actual teaching would've started with intervals, maybe touching on the harmonic series. The root note serves as a reference point, the other notes sound like something relative to that. Basic intervals offer basic moods, like 'tense' or 'bright', and combining them or moving from one to the other suggests feelings, like 'dark and tense' to 'bright and resolved' might suggest 'hope'. That creates the basic melodic alphabet/vocabulary.

There are a lot of 'wrong' things, it's probably not worth going through all the details. Viola itself got the short end of the stick when the baroque 'viola da braccio' got divided into two different instruments in the classical period, far as I can gather. There should be two forms of the instrument today, they do exist but they're very unpopular, judging by how difficult it is to find information about them. There should be a five-string shoulder instrument that's in between the ideal sizes of violin and viola, splitting the difference. (It's available enough, I just wouldn't have seen them anywhere.) And there should be a larger version played like a small cello, actually fulfilling it's 'classical' role. The whole family of instruments is built inefficiently, the soundpost design really doesn't make sense. The shape of the neck having a rounded back is wrong, for that family and others. The neck should be approximately flat for indexing the thumb. The chin rest arrangement is obviously bad, causing spine and TMJ problems. And there are a handful of less specific things I'm annoyed with and/or wistful about. Like, a vocal music performance broadly has three parts: singing, pronunciation, and expression (or acting, if you like). So like, there are professional singers who kind of just miss the words leaving you guessing as to what they're supposed to be saying. There are Youtube famous musicians who are reasonably competent but have a flat expression or apply their same expression regardless. Like, some songs don't thematically fit 'angry metal voice'. And there are a couple people/groups that have songs in conlangs or Latin or something, and the pronunciation is solid but they clearly don't know how to sing well. And there's a couple things I don't have a solution/explanation for. Melodramatic songs about breakups, it seems like there ought to be a mature version of that. Like, the first bad relationship feels like the end of the world, like your soul got ripped out of your chest and your broken husk is freezing over. But after a dozen it's just a tuesday. Surely there's a version of that story that does justice to the heartbreak but doesn't sound silly in retrospect. "I will wander till the end of time half alive without you" yeah no I'll get over it. Well, hmm. That's not really what happened. That's a whole topic on its own though. You'll get over it, probably. Lastly, this could be more about me, once in a while I get a feeling from a song. It varies, and I may not like the song as a whole. For instance, I get a feeling that's almost like nostalgia from 'Red Like Roses'. I don't know what's going on. Maybe some songs are more earnest about the feeling they intend to convey, maybe songs usually don't convey a coherent feeling in the first place, maybe some things just do or don't resonate with me. For instance, 'We All Lift Together' makes me cry, does that just happen to work on me, or is there something they're doing differently? Seems like there's a there there.

And if I had a purpose, it would be to make those things better. But others not only don't want that, not only despise the very concept that anything should be different, they are unable or unwilling to communicate even the simplest concepts. I've confirmed 'contradictory' behavior at this point. Apparently, the vast majority of the time, people are 'reacting' rather than processing what's being said. Like, by trial and error or rote instruction (or whatever, I don't know) people learn "when someone says X, I should say Y". That's how you get errors like swapping which definition of a word they're referring to from one sentence to the next. Don't have the energy to get deeper into it, doesn't matter anyway. People aren't even beginning to process what I say. They could, but they won't.

So theoretically, my purpose is to find all these little problems and make them better. But I am universally hated for my mere existence, and no one will ever hear even a single word I have to say. What a horrid, pointless story that is.

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sakura-cheesecake · 6 years ago

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Todomomo Head Canons ii !

More TDMM stuff !!!

OMG, the last one received so much lovee. I think I’ll turn to write head canons and turn them into fan fics would be a cool idea. lmao.

Shoto is a dork. He wouldn’t notice anything like dirty jokes, puns or teasings. When the girls accidently teased Momo of her admiration for Soto as a crush, the entire class thought she had a thing for him, which is true since she blushed so red like his hair. Yet, to him, he just thinks that Momo doesn’t being in the spotlight and likes him as a friend.

When Izuku and Ochako became an item, he was curious how they got together and would ask them how. Even when Izuku went into details, he would still be confused. So you two are.. getting married? ( No, dating doesn’t meant immediate engagement, Shoto. )

He has always been afraid of thinking about his future family. His father hasn’t been the exact good figure and his mother wasn’t around when he was a teen. He just thinks that maybe his father will put him in a quirk marriage but he’s sure he’ll say no to it.

Momo, despite being rich and all, doesn’t want much. When it was her birthday, his sister told him to get her flowers. Being naive, he bought a hundred red roses to her and gave it in class. Aizawa was like, “ Well, should I declare Yaoyorozu as a Todoroki? ” in his bean bag.

Kyouka had everything recorded. Denki did too, incase Mineta came to destroy it.

Momo used it to decorate her dorm, some in her bedstand, some on her study, some in the bathroom, and some, pressed and kept it in her diary.

The girls were very excited about it. Tsuyu even said it looked like a proposal. Ochako disagreed, saying that, it was their pre-wedding debut.

During their second year, the Yaoyorozu family had some crisis financially, they had to sell some of their other estates in the country, one of them was where Momo grew to love. She sadly had to let go of it and promised to buy it back one day.

The only person she told this was Kyouka, who tried to cheer her up by joking that ‘ what a rich problem ’ it was.

Since, it was a change, her parents decided to ask Momo to create some large cash for them. Momo hates the idea but she had to. She decided to cut her hair as she started to see the world more now that she’s not being shelthered.

It got shorter when they had hero training and Katsuki grabbed her hair, she created a knife to cut it off. The girls helped her trim and comb it later but it was shorter than her shoulder.

Shoto commented that it makes her looks more mature. She thanked him but she’s annoyed by her hair since she couldn’t tie it anymore except for pig tails which looks silly.

Aizawa had a scolding for Katsuki later.

When they had their midterms again, Shoto started to fail since his father was badly hurt in a fight. Momo asked him to comeover to her study group and his grades got better.

In return, he got her a chocolate box since she loves sweets.

Momo learned to make her objects half done. She tried to make Wolverine claws from her fists and had them poking from her skin for fights. Tsuyu and Shoto thought it was cool but the others find it scary. Having blades and spiky things poking from your body isn’t very attractive, apparently.

They began to work with each other more. By the second Semester, they had gotten closer so much that Momo doesn’t feel flustered with him anymore.

Aizawa had a crazy talk with All might and Nezu. Since his class is rather destructive. Damn you Bakugou. He thougt of a co-parenting project of a baby. He let them choose partners but all girls must be pair with a boy ( Since they have less girls than boys ). TDMM paired up.

This is no ordinary baby robot. It’s a robot that the school someone made it to look like a mix of the students. Yes, even the boys’ pair like Katsuki and Eijiro. When Momo went to get hers, it was twins since she got the top grade and Shoto was a top student, why not make it harder for them.

The twins were a boy and a girl, one with half red and black hair and grey eyes. The other had black, white and red with blue eyes. The boy doll suddeny brethe out fire and they class was SHOOK.

“ I think the teachers had too much fun in this ”, Momo said. “ Agreed ”, Kyouka cried. Hers and Pikachu was a girl with Denki’s hair and Jirou’s ears. The doll suddenly created a volt and shocked Kyouka. They had too much money and free time.

They had to make arragements. Every night they would switch babies but the boy ( They call him Red ) was mostly at Shoto since he’s flammable and the girl doesn’t do much but needs a lot of attention or else would cry.

Katsuki had the worst. His is heavy as a rock and would scream 24/7.

Ochako’s would float around and cry and Tenya’s had an engine to it to blast tapes.

One day, Aoyama’s baby stopped crying and it made a signal sound, It was dead so he and his partner, Shoji, fail 1/4 of their health class.

Momo was so scared that one of her dolls would die. She made sure to feed it( with its fake bottles ), pat it, and took it everywhere. She noticed that she and Shoto had to stay together often or else the twins will cry.

Momo accidently called her mama and called Shoto papa when they were in his room.

It made him think about having a future family with his future wife lookign somewhat like Momo.

When it was time. Aizawa took all the babies’ memories and showed their scores on the projector. For TDMM, he trolled them and choose one of the babies instead of both.

“ That’s not fair! ” Mina protested. He failed her and now he’s trolling Momo. That’s just unfair.

Momo made a teddybear, half red and white for Shoto for his birthday. It wears his hero costume too and he keeps it in his bookself.

Shoto starts to talk more of Momo to his sister and mother. He even bought the bear back home to place it in his bedroom.

His sister told him to ask her out but he told her he liked her as a friend. Fuyumi thinks other wise. “ I taught at least 60 students for the past few years, ofc I know what this is! ”. “ Fuyumi, you teach elementary kids. ”

When they got to third year, Shoto couldn’t stand not thinking what his sister told him anymore. So he just texted her before the beginning of year 3, She said yes.

Momo was still dazed, she texted him back asking if they were dating and he said ‘ I think ? ’

When they met each other they were so awkward with each other and blushed.

“ Do we have to hold hands? ”

“ Shoto, I don’t think it’s how that works but.. sure? ”

They walked in class hand-in-hand. Shoto made Momo’s hand had frost and her hand went to sleep for a few minutes. He had to heat it by holding her hand and they talked and joked.

By the second semester, the became the power couple. Todoroki is part of the big three along with Midoriya and Bakugou, but he’s also a power couple. And Katsuki is somewhat jealous that the damn Icy-hot has two titles.

On the sports day, they had a lot of screen time and they even had a fandom since Shoto had been so protective of her during the festival.

One the first trial of running, he held her hand and ran with her to the finish line. His mom was so proud.

“ SHOTOMOMO ! ”

During the second round, he teamed up with the old team again, using their same tactics as the first year but this time, he start to fly around with his fire and ice like what Katsuki did in their first year. Momo had to make ropes to pull him back for so many close calls.

“ Yaomomo, make an air gun to blast them off ”

“ Isn’t that cheating, Ilda?! ”

“ It’s your quirk, it’s not cheating ”

Shoto abused it by blasting a lot of teams off.

When they got the first place, Momo hugged him and he hold her, bridal style. // Le fandom faints.

Nezu is f-ing cruel. He put them against each other as the very first match.

The fans booed.

Shoto only uses his ice on her and tried not to get too close while Momo got so serious with it, she cut him with her blades near his scar. Shoto won by creating an ice wall and she was pushed off the boundaries.

She got knocked off pretty badly and he came running to her and apologies.

They patched each other up and went to watch the other matched together.

In the end, he won first place this year and he ran down the podium to Momo who created plastic flowers for him. ( Since, she can’t make life )

#Todomomo #Bnha #Bnha headcanon #todomomo headcanons #tdmm #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha todoroki #todoroki shouto #shotomomo #Shoto x Momo #Shoto todoroki #momo yaoyorozu #yaoyoruzu momo #bnha yaoyorozu #Yaomomo

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tsuki-kirigakure · 6 years ago

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My Top 10 Voltage Men

I had a really hard time in doing this I can't choose. 😥 I'm probably gonna shuffle this again next time I do this because there are still tons of guys I haven’t added. 😅 I also took hours in making this because Tumblr is being a btxh and won’t let me save nor post this. 😒

Thanks for the tag @mandyinwonderland ♥

10th: Riki Yanase ♡ [Love Letter from Thief X]

Riki is one of the guys I've been very addicted to. I would spend my days (if I'm not at school) and nights reading his stories. He kinds of come out as an arrogant guy but he's really sweet and loving and passionate about the people he loves. He would always make them happy and safe and would put them and their happiness first.

9th: Huedhaut ♡ [Star Crossed Myth]

When I first saw the summary or the preview for Hue’s story, I knew that I had to read it and I wasn’t wrong. This guy is a snarky hot and smart guy which rules the Zodiac sign Aquarius. He makes the best wines and all but he’s broken and refused to acknowledge love again after losing you, the previous goddess of fate, the love of his life. He sacrificed one of the stars in his life to make sure that you live. His sarcastic and funny comments would make you laugh, his painful past with the goddess of fate would make you cry, but his sweet and flowery words and gestures would definitely make you swoon. I swear.

8th: Ryota Mochizuki ♡ [Our Private Homeroom]

Before I played this story I had reservations about playing this game. Since I wasn't fond of teacher-student relationships and only went for student-student and teacher-teacher types, but boy did this story proved me wrong. I was practically smitten with him for being such a cutie and A MATH TEACHER. HE LOVES MATH AND SO DO I. We instantly clicked y’know? What’s better is that he’s kind to all of his students and cheers them on and just shows how damn good of a teach he is. Then he can like see and recognize your hard work and would totally cheer you on when you’re losing faith on yourself. He would also prioritize you, your dreams and your happiness above anything and would sacrifice his job that he loves and fight for you.

7th: Kyohei Rikudoh ♡ [Scandal in the Spotlight]

BBY KYO ❤ THIS GUY MAKES THE ABSOLUTE BEST FRIED RICE APPARENTLY HEHE JUST A FUN FACT. It was love at first sight with this guy. He’s the sexiest man alive I think? Well that’s true for me at least hihi. Kyohei loves to tease you and do sweet things for you. He would sacrifice everything for you and always put you and your happiness first. He loves seeing you blush and smile and make all those “cute expressions”. He would protect, care, love and cherish those important to him. He’s strict with work but that’s because Revance is really important to him. He’s hot and he knows it. He loves spending time with you especially alone times hihi 😉 He may come off as arrogant to other people but really, he’s just a handsome and easily jealous cutie pie. ❤

6th: Toma Kiriya ♡ [Irresistible Mistakes]

HERE COMES ONE OF MY SNARKIEST MOST SARCASTIC BUT LOVING AND SWEET AND UNDERSTANDING AND SUPPORTIVE CUTIE. He loves sugary drinks tbh he says it gives his brain the energy it needs. He loves to work and he’s good at what he does, usually handpicked for big projects. He’s unstoppable with MC beside him hihi. He’s so cute when he blush like he’s such a cutie pie. He’s probably the best guy to have a conversation with, like literally he cracks me up every time and makes me happy every time I see his face. I’m in love hihi. WHY CAN’T TOMA EXIST IN REAL LIFE?! HE’S JUST SO PERFECT.

5th: Tsumugu Kido ♡ [Our Two Bedroom Story]

Here comes my awkwardly cute, blushes easily when he says or does something sweet or bold or when MC does the same, king of tightwads. He’s what you would call stingy but it’s just because of how hard it was for them in the past. He’s good with his work and has a “split-personality” hehe when he’s at work and at home. He loves the MC so much and knows how hard she works as well as how good she is at work but would never openly admit it in normal times. He’s such a cutie pie who loves strawberries and HIS SIBLINGS ARE SO CUTE AND PRETTY, sazuku being the cute and sakura and mizuki being the pretty ones. I love his puns and jokes. He loves seeing you happy and would be happy knowing that you are. HE’S SUCH A CUTIE I SWEAR BRO.

4th: Izaac Martin ♥ [Gossip Girl Party]

YOU GUYS, DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN KNOW OR REMEMBER GOSSIP GIRL PARTY? BECAUSE I CERTAINLY DO. THIS GAME IS STILL AND WILL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART AND MIND AND NOTHING CAN EVER MAKE ME FORGET THIS ESPECIALLY MY BABY IZAAC. Y’KNOW SEEING THE FAREWELL MESSAGES THEY GAVE US WAS DEFINITELY HEARTBREAKING. I WAS FREAKING CRYING THE WHOLE ASJAKDDGDSNVKDJBVUD TIMES I READ THAT MESSAGE. WHY DID VOLTAGE HAVE TO REMOVE IT FROM GOOGLE PLAY? WHY CAN’T WE JUST KEEP THEM EVEN IF THEY WON’T UPDATE IT ANYMORE? 😭💔 But okay let me just say that Izaac is my forever babe even if I hated one of his stories that led me to uninstalling the app and reinstalling it again right away hehe. He’s like perfect. He would tease you with his words but would also say and do the sweetest things. He loves you so much and knows you so well. He’ll support you in the things you wanna do and he’d be really proud of you. I love this guy so much you know and I miss him so bad 😭💔

3rd: My Forevs Inspiration and Smexiest Cool Baby, Kiyohito Shirakami ♥ [Kings of Paradise]

OMG BABY KIYO OKAY HERE IT GOES WE’RE DOWN TO MY TOP 3. Kiyo is what would seem to be cold and indifferent. He would also be considered as strict and is like a robot who constantly works and doesn’t feel or show feelings at all. That’s what I thought at first too but his harsh words are actually very sweet in his own ways because he believes in you. He doesn’t want you to be sad and wants you to regain the confidence you lost. His story has inspired me to overcome my anxiety and do my best in the things I thought I couldn’t do. He would tell MC to decide on her own and he would grade her as well as to go beyond because she can. The story doesn’t just revolve around sweet stuffs tbh it also includes growth in both Kiyo and MC and it’s one of the best y’know. Kiyo also loves it when MC is being honest with him and is greedy with him as well. His ways have truly changed MC and you guys his story is really meaningful. And bro age doesn’t really matter here. I even forgot that Kiyo is younger than MC. hihi.

2nd: My Precious Hot Ninja, Saizo Kirigakure ♥ [Samurai Love Ballad Party]

OKAY LAST TWO WOHOO HERE COMES MY BABE SAIZO!!!!! Okay so this guy is one of the best. He freaking write smuts HAHAHAHAHAHA kidding aside you guys saizo would seem like a cold, heartless killing machine but that’s because he was trained to be like that. He was trained in Iga to be a fearless killing machine that would carry out missions without feeling anything. But HAVE YOU GUYS EVER READ HIS POVS?!?!?!?! BRO THAT IS NOT HOW AN EMOTIONLESS KILLING MACHINE IS BRO HE’S SO SWEET AND PRECIOUS AND WOULD GIVE AWAY HIS LIFE FOR MC EVEN IF OFC WE DON’T WANT THAT! I WOULD NEVER WANT TO SEE MY BABY DIE LIKE I WOULD CRY AND MY WORLD WOULD STOP SPINNING AGAIN @voltageparty pls don’t do anything stupid. And so Saizo loves his little lady so much even if he doesn’t say it often but he would let you feel it. Your smile would brighten up his day and maybe even his life. You’re the only reason he wants to live because he wants to go home to you. He always wants you to be safe and happy. Baby ninja, always remember that the moon is beautiful. ❤

1st and would probably be always my first, the King, Eisuke Ichinomiya ♥ [Kissed by The Baddest Bidder]

AND HERE WE ARE TO MY FOREVER BABE EVER SINCE IT WAS RELEASED. Yes you read it right, I just fell in love with him before the game was released because at that time I thought that game was too mature for my age when I based it off their trailer. But I still tried it hehe Eisuke is known as the “King”. He owns the Tres Spades Hotel and the head of the Ichinomiya Group. He’s aloof, bossy and isn’t the type to be full on honest but he has a kind heart. He’s DEFINITELY HANDSOME and is a great leader and businessman. Despite his heartless facade, women would always surround him and beg for his attention even if he wouldn’t pay attention to them. He’s easy to misunderstand for being cruel and ruthless, but don’t be fooled, he’s doing things for a good reason.During his first season tho, he thought of you as a pawn, just something that he owns to be used, but the character development after passing through that phase was definitely tear-jerking and heart melting, all in a good way of course. Another thing that I love about Eisuke is how his stories understands and helps solving one of the social problems in the world, shaming people, both physically, emotionally and also mentally. It has helped not only me, but many other people out there to love and accept who they are and that they don’t need to change and just be themselves. I’m really glad that I got to meet and fall in love with Eisuke for this long. He has and will always have a special place in my heart. The moon is beautiful, Eisuke and it will always be. ❤

I'm still wondering why people hate Eisuke like why

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charmyngene · 2 years ago

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a touch of education

Charmyn Gene Pantin Acala is my name. I am a girl who was born in Javier Leyte, on 31st October 1991, the second daughter of three children namely Crystal the oldest and Cheryl our youngest. My father's name is Higino Maballo Acala, who just passed away last June 23, 2020 and my mother's name is Elsa Arribas Pantin an OFW in Athens, Greece. Since both my parents worked abroad at that time, we were taken good care of my grandparents who are both elementary teachers namely Butch V. Padagdag an EPP teacher as well as a library custodian and Beatrice Mabalo Acala-Padagdag a Home Economics teacher. I started my study in Baptist, and finished my kindergarten in Angelicum. My Elementary years, started in Javier Central School from grades 1-4 and then transferred to B.V. Closa until I graduated.

My life in high school started in East Visayan Adventist Academy (EVAA), but wasn't able to finish because it was hard for me to stay in a new place and I feel aloof. I was transferred to Javier National Highschool in the middle of the school year.

The next year, I started living in the city of Tacloban together with my sisters, under the care of Msgr. Bernie Pantin who happened to be a parish priest at that time before he was assigned to a new place. While we are in the city, our lives changed. We used to go to the church and spent time with the priest who acted as our second fathers. Every time the church conducted some celebration I and my younger sister are always invited. So, I boost my self-confidence and it started with singing which I love the most. Hang out with some new faces in the church, traveling in and outside the city, and eating together with the priests, we had this feeling of attachment to the church as well as the people inside.

My mama, rented an apartment for us to stay in while we are in the city. As a result, I was transferred again to Holy Infant College until I graduated. Living away from our parents lead us into responsible ladies. I was awarded as a quiz bee champion in our school, I had also experienced being a cartoonist, and had given the chance to join the contest for the battle of the brains where I earned the silver medal in the said school.

In pursuing higher studies, I enrolled myself in System Technology Institute in (STI) Tacloban, I chose Computer Science at first believing that I can make a robot of my own. But this didn't happen because I shifted to a Diploma of Office Skills and Management (DOSM). I had experience being a receptionist in Pag-ibig Fund during our On-the-Job Training or OJT. Time flies by so fast, and I landed a job with the help of my father at the Municipality of Javier, under the Department of Agriculture headed by Mr. Raul De Paz.

After years of working, I had a baby. Now it’s already two baby boys. Then I felt like there's a need for me to address the call for teaching. So, I decided to enroll in the year 2019, in Bachelor of Secondary Education with a major in English. Now, I am already in my third year of college.

Life is a matter of choice and challenge; you might have found a happy life but there's always something that haunting you back that needs to be address.

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folkstudies · 7 years ago

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College Personalities Masterpost

[This is supposed to be tongue-in-cheek, and I get that everyone will have a different opinion. No offense intended!]

***

Universities

Harvard: The Stanford of the East. They go to Harvard, sweaty :))), and will make sure you know it. Senator’s sons: brash, smart, and never loved enough as children. Marxists who will graduate only to become CEOs. High School Salutatorians.

Yale: Power gays and hyperfocused law students. Secret societies, a housing system like Hogwarts’s, and a fistful of adderall in every pocket. High School Valedictorians.

Dartmouth: Frat guys, athletic stoners, and upper middle class mountaineers. Imagine a Penn student who spends their summer semester at Brown, vaping their way through business school.

Penn: Future opioid abusing bankers, who party hard but have enough connections to compensate for their academic performance. Like Dartmouth but not as chill; like Princeton but not as prissy.

Brown: They would have went to Berkeley, but Mother insisted on an Ivy. Blue hair, red flannel, white skin. They’ve got universal pass fail but it’s taboo to take advantage of the system. The creative version of every subject–their CompSci students go to Pixar and their Biomed students go to Calico.

Cornell: Engineers from old money families and Conrad Hilton fanboys. Are they depressed because they live in Ithaca or because of their crushing workloads? Teenage Kurt Vonneguts. Wealthy, but it’s not always obvious.

Columbia: In a one sided dick measuring contest with Yale. Heavy workloads, heavy drinking. Erudite, ambitious (and they know it). The angel to NYU’s devil. A fast track to the New York Times and Wall Street Journal.

Princeton: Secretly thinks Harvard is for the impoverished. Eating clubs. Well developed Econ and Math departments, but UChicago is catching up. Great undergraduate teaching, especially if you fit in with the culture.

Stanford: They’d have gone to Harvard, but California is the closest thing Earth’s got to Eden and Massachusetts is…clammy. Massive startup culture. Duck syndrome and stress culture. Elitist, especially about class and status, but somehow gets a pass.

Caltech: “Hey MIT, we’re you but stronger.” Pretends that test scores trump all other metrics of success, because they’re *Number One at the SAT, baby.* Something of a male dominated culture, lighthearted.

MIT: Robotics, engineering, business, and math. 90s computer nerd aesthetic but in an ironic way. Sunlight averse. 1) study hard 2) ??? 3) profit

Duke: Beautifully gothic. Has successfully implemented a caste system, albeit informally. Intelligent, southern socialites. United by basketball, divided by highschool-esque cliques.

UChicago: Will fight the Ivies on sight. Very good at Econ and Law with an intense classical “core” curriculum. Have your weekly panic attack in a stunning glass egg-inspired library. “If you study hard enough you can become God.”

Vanderbilt: The scent of Tennessee honey in the trees. Frat culture. Los Angeles’s beauty standards, Mississippi’s snark.

Johns Hopkins: Students are required to duel you if you call it “John Hopkin’s.” People who have been premed since third grade. Academically intense without being prestige obsessed–I’d cautiously call it “well balanced.” They’re there to become doctors and medical researchers, period.

Berkeley: Study while a riot between Trump Supporters and Antifa rages outside. If Calculus III has you down and depressed, pick up a can of mace and assault somebody. Competes with Stanford, is the champion of Public Universities. Insanely expensive area to live in. Most students are too absorbed in their academics (read: 3.3 GPA CompSci qualifier) to worry about much else.

UMich: Berkeley but with snow. Ann Arbor is as good as college towns get, but has almost dangerous levels of school spirit. International students with $4k apartments and $850 winter coats. “Harvard waitlisted me but I’m not even mad.”

UCLA: Everyone is a former premed. Valley girls and the Asian students they make problematic comments about. Frat guys lost in a scary world where you can’t pass a midterm with a hangover. Cal’s politically stable cousin.

USC: “The University of Spoiled Children” still rings true sometimes, but not as much anymore. There are some seriously competitive academic programs hidden behind Los Angeles’s gauzy party culture. Loyal alumni.

WUSTL: Cooperative with a competitive biology program. Low school spirit, largely because their last star athlete graduated in 1943. Prominent STEM culture, but not exactly nerdy. A midwestern fusion of Brown and Columbia.

Carnegie Mellon: UPitt’s smaller, bourgeois sister. Cliquey nerds–a Drama student would rather die than speak with an Engineer, and visa versa. CompSci champions.

Northwestern: Nerdwestern and Northwasted. They went to private high schools and it’s obvious. Show up to your Art History final drunk on rosé. A version of UChicago where you won’t get mugged on campus.

UWash: Architecture designed by Athena herself. The premed children of Microsoft engineers. White boys wearing colored socks and Nike sandals. Washington rains endlessly with the tears of tormented Amazon employees.

Rice: A refreshing dose of New England in the depths of Texas. “Hmm, Rice? I’ve never heard of it!” Spanish architecture, conquistador vibes. You’ve got a fair chance of finding the library packed at 1am, depending on what week it is. The MIT of the South.

Penn State: Drinking school with a football problem. Parties harder than Miami U. Not really bothered that they get confused with UPenn. Mild frat culture.

Boston University: Rich girls and self centered frat bros. Hipsters and hipster engineers. Athletes in the CGS (“Crayons, Glue, and Scissors”) school. Wealthy slackers who will regale you with tales of Martha’s Vineyard over break.

UVA: Preppy but not on purpose. Public school snobs. Southern-ish and definitely conservative. DC kids with a seemingly endless flow of money from home. The wealthiest, whitest school that’s not called Harvard.

LACs

Williams: Oxford and Harvard’s laid back son. Amherst can suck a dick. The bourgeois version of outdoorsy. Sports culture despite not being in a major division.

Amherst: Prelaw or business. Pastel polos, party drugs, and a general Gilded Age aesthetic. General distaste for the hoi polloi.

Swarthmore: “Swatkward.” Highly academic atmosphere, no time for social skills. Beautiful leafy campus. UPenn students aren’t shit compared to us. Stress culture so intense it would make a UChicago student weep.

Tufts: Don’t ask us if we got denied at the Ivies. Friendly, midsize school that maintains the atmosphere of an LAC. Very good International Relations and Philosophy (Dr. Daniel Dennett!) programs.

Reed: Swarthmore but with a lot of LSD. Atheism, communism, and free love. No one here knows a goddamn thing about sex ed. Nuclear reactor that students can train to work at.

Grinnell: Brown’s midwestern cousin. Concrete, glass, and corn. Well developed STEM programs, especially for an LAC. Close knit community, extreme hookup culture. Quirky. Emphasis on writing skill. Gigantic per-student endowment.

Carleton: Trimester system that intensifies the academic culture. Cold winters, warm hearts. Parties more than a typical LAC but there’s still a sense of awkwardness. The smart version of eccentric. Mini Northwestern.

Bowdoin: Not a single person here has ever known a moment of hardship. Dining hall food that could earn a Michelin star. Rich, white, and cliquey. A pretty significant “old sport” culture. Everyone pays full tuition.

Pomona: Like a university packaged as an LAC. All the benefits of California, located next to the Greatest American City—Los Angeles. Large endowment, lots of opportunities. Flagship of the Claremont colleges. Mini Stanford.

Harvey Mudd: A tiny population of quirky engineers. The one true STEM LAC. Mini MIT. Male dominated, socially awkward, highly academic.

Middlebury: Bourgeoisie teenagers in the wilderness. Has a reputation for excellent language programs despite that fame stemming largely from summer specific programs. Quirky, in a reserved way. An amalgam of Dartmouth and Columbia.

Oberlin: What conservatives think liberals are like. A dot of blue in a sea of red. Theatre, music, and dance. “My parents are making me double major in Econ.”

#appblr #college #studyblr #masterpost #mine #ivy league

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imaginative-heroes · 7 years ago

Text

All about me!

I felt bored so I decided to fill these out :)

Source:@leafdapple18

1. What is your middle name?

Don't wanna say, sorry 2. How old are you?

17 3. When is your birthday?

Not telling 4. What is your zodiac sign?

I honestly don’t know, I need to look that up 5. What is your favorite color?

Green 6. What’s your lucky number?

14 7. Do you have any pets?

3, two dogs (Sue Sue and Dutch), and a snake (Ivar the serpent) 8. Where are you from?

I was born in Georgia, but have lived my entire life in Tennesse, USA 9. How tall are you?

5,4 10. What shoe size are you?

8.5

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Like 4

12. What was your last dream about?

I can never seem to remember my dreams honestly 13. What talents do you have?

Volleyball Af, I’m also pretty good at organization and designing 14. Are you psychic in any way?

No 15. Favorite song?

I can’t choose 16. Favorite movies?

Moonrise Kingdom, The Babadook, Mean girls, and Revenge of the bridesmaids to name a few 17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I’m not sure, I find a lot of different things attractive honestly 18. Do you want children?

Yes, but I’m thinking of adopting 19. Do you want a church wedding?

No, probably not 20. Are you religious?

No 21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yeeesss 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

No, but I’ve gotten close multiple times (nothing serious) 23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I’ve met Usher but that’s it 24. Baths or showers?

Showers 25. What color socks are you wearing?

Not wearing any , but usually just white 26. Have you ever been famous?

Idk, No 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Not really, No 28. What type of music do you like?

Indie, Hip hop, Rap, Indie Rock 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nah, I’m too nervous 30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

As many as possible, but usually 2 31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Sprawled out as far as I know 32. How big is your house?

Medium sized I guess, 2 bedroom 33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Cereal or Eggos 34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Does a Bi-Bi gun count? 35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, with a friend 36. Favorite clean word?

Spike 37. Favorite swear word?

Shit 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Probably like 20 hours 39. Do you have any scars?

Not that I know of 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Apparently, my now boyfriend, had a huge crush on me before we were dating 41. Are you a good liar?

Not really 42. Are you a good judge of character?

I think so, I’ve been told that before 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

English (I think) 44. Do you have a strong accent?

No, actually I have been mistaken for a northerner before. My southern accent does come out every once in a while though 45. What is your favorite accent?

English or British 46. What is your personality type?

Not really sure, I’m pretty quick to judge but overall I think I’m a pretty friendly person 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

This absolutely beautiful designer jacket 48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes 49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie 50. Left or right handed?

Right Handed 51. Are you scared of spiders?

Yes, dear lord yes 52. Favorite food?

Meatloaf 53. Favorite foreign food?

Kajan Chicken 54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy AF 55. Most used phrased?

“No shit Sherlock” 56. Most used word?

Yeah 57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

An hour if you include a shower 58. Do you have much of an ego?

Not really 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck 60. Do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes if I’m really focusing 61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes 62. Are you a good singer?

I think so, I’ve been told that alot 63. Biggest Fear?

Spiders honestly 64. Are you a gossip?

Sometimes 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Train to Busan 66. Do you like long or short hair?

Longer hair honestly, but short hair girls can always get it 67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Maybe, Idk 68. Favorite school subject?

History 69. Extrovert or Introvert?

A mix I think 70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No 71. What makes you nervous?

Being alone in dark places 72. Are you scared of the dark?

It depends 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Half and half 74. Are you ticklish?

Yes 75. Have you ever started a rumor?

I don’t think so, not on purpose anyway 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

No 77. Have you ever drank underage?

I’m sadly guilty of this 78. Have you ever done drugs?

No, I’m waiting until I’m at least 18 to even try marijuana (The only drug I’d take) 79. Who was your first real crush?

This kid name Kyson back In 6th grade 80. How many piercings do you have?

None, I’m such a wimp I haven’t even gotten my ears pierced 81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Actually, No 82. How fast can you type?

70 words per minute 83. How fast can you run?

Idk, I’m a good sprinter but not very much stamina 84. What color is your hair?

Dirty blonde 85. What color is your eyes?

Dull greenish blue 86. What are you allergic to?

Yellow Jackets 87. Do you keep a journal?

No 88. What do your parents do?

My mom teaches Yoga and my dad is an archeologist 89. Do you like your age?

Yes, very much 90. What makes you angry?

Lot’s of things, ignorance mostly 91. Do you like your own name?

It’s alright I guess (Allie) 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

If it’s a boy I like Roman, for a girl I’m thinking Sylvia 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I can’t decide honestly 94. What are your strengths?

Puzzle solving, analyzation, remembering names

95. What are your weaknesses?

Math and robotics

96. How did you get your name?

Never asked 97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I know I’m related to King Alfred The Great and a few more 98. Do you have any scars?

Answered above 99. The color of your bedspread?

Blue 100. The color of your room?

Green and Blue

#All about me #shit post #admin allie #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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kapanbenernya · 5 years ago

Text

DiRT Rally -- DORIFUTO NO NO NO

I've never been a believer in superstitions, magics, or the occult. But if one day I happen to come across a shooting star, I would like to make a wish so that a time machine can be a real thing that's functional within my lifetime so I can go back in time, punch past me in the face, and ask myself "What the fuck were you thinking? Why did you buy this game?". Granted, it was my friend that invited me to buy DiRT Rally on the basis that it can be played together for shits and giggles to tide us over until the next MHW updates. But really, what was I thinking? The last racing game I touched within years was Need for Speed: Most Wanted, and the most recent game that fits the bill is Euro Truck Simulator 2. And comparing ETS2 to DiRT Rally is like comparing me to Mick Jagger. One's big, slow, and mundane, while the other is flashy, popular, and probably involves cocaine at some point.

Oh but whatever, you don't come to me to listen about my story, you come here for my assessments about games, so here we go. Consider this to be what happens when a rally scouting agent got so piss-drunk that he thinks signing up a truck driver as a rally driver is a good idea. Hmm, actually let's roll with that, let's do up with some role-play to keep things interesting.

So let me present you the story of how a truck driver's world went upside down after being signed up as a rally driver, starring Mr. Johnny Tanktop

Hello there, my name is Johnny Tanktop. I am a truck driver and part-time wifebeater. I was doing my usual round of stout at the local drinking hole when I noticed a guy had been eyeing me for a while. Finally after his fourth pint, he brisked his way over and sat on the empty stool beside me. My first thought was "there goes my bum's virginity". He spoke to me, and I soon find out that he's a rally team manager. Phew! I guess my bum will stay unsullied for a while. He's been going around scouting for fresh talent and I seem to fit the bill. Actually about half the fucking country would fit it too, since all he said he needed was ”a good pair of both limbs and a driving license”. Since he promised me good earnings with skills I'm already familiarized for a long time, I decided to take up his offer.

The next day, I went to the place he promised he’d meet me. It’s a run-down old garage next door to a grocery store. “This does not seem promising”, I thought to myself. I knocked on the door a few times, and he came to the door to let me in. To my surprise, he had nothing in his garage but an old computer hooked up to an even older monitor on a desk. He told me that he's about to teach me on how to be the best rally driver ever. When I pointed out to him the lack of automobile, he just laughs and pointed to the computer. Turns out it's filled with video clips of rally tutorials. You what? Are you really expecting me to be able to drive rough terrain at breakneck speeds after watching 5 videos? By that logic I should've been crowned king of the world from all the YouTube videos I've watched, along with everyone else! But whatever, no use whining now, might as well try to absorb whatever knowledge I can before I inevitably crash and burn, literally.

The videos are helpful in the same way as showing a presentation about genetic splicing to grade-schoolers. It's advanced shit with mumbo jumbo up the ass that you can't help but think that it was meant for people with way more knowledge than you, but you're supposed to nod your head and pretend that you know about the subject matter anyway. I mean you can tell me all about weight distribution, traction, pitch, yaw, but they're very much useless unless I feel it myself while driving. Like for example, what the hell is a "Scandinavian Flick"?

Personally, that's what I call "finger-banging a nordic woman"

These videos does not help me in any way whatsoever because these are all theories. You know what would help me? A practice track. A real one, the one with cones, the one with courses focused on certain aspects of driving, the one with an automobile instead of a 14-inch CRT monitor. I believe a practice track is super important, and not having one is going against common sense. I mean what? Are rally drivers born with a stick shift in hand and starts drifting in their baby strollers by the age of 4? But after all has been said, I noticed that the manager has already fallen asleep about halfway through my rant. I woke him up, and somehow all he took from it is that I'm ready to race. Seeing how there's nothing else to do, I begrudgingly agreed on it anyway.

It's on to professional career it is

So the boss man gave me a set amount of cash. I used the majority of it to buy the shittiest car from 1960 from a nearby dealer. I notice that there are loads of varieties of cars, just teasing me with cutting-edge technology, 6 gears, and a chassis not made out of repurposed biscuit tin. I think this is a tactic to tempt me into working hard so one day I can afford those hot rides, but I don't care. I then meet up with the manager and turns out he's already enlisted me into a rally in Greece. He told me to get ready, but all I can hear is "I've chosen this lovely countryside road as your grave spot. Don't forget to sign the insurance papers, also can you tell me your next of kin?". But you know what? I'm in too deep this time. I've gone and bought a car, I watched all the videos, might as well pretend I'm professional now. Hearts and minds, right?

Well few days later and I'm actually in Greece. As far as I can tell, this is some real shit that's going on. They got tents, officials, I even got a faceless stranger to fill in as my co-driver. Hang on now, shouldn't my co-driver be someone I know? Shouldn't one of my friends that I've trained and bonded with be the co-driver? Also shouldn't you teach me what the fuck his signals fucking meant? What the fuck is '90 turn left actual'? What the hell is a 'joker'? Why do we have to take it? I'm not in a fucking bat-mobile, am I? Is rally driving just a part of the Batman training program?

I think I know where this is going

I mean the 2 minute tutorial is unfair enough, but withholding some information is just fucking with us. You know what? Fuck. This. I'm gonna drive anyway. Whatever happens, happens. So off I go to the starting line in my car. Helmets on, seat-belts buckled, next-of-kin notified, light turns green, and pedal to the metal. I was in control for a while until my robotic co-driver spouts more of his nonsense. All I can do is try to comprehend his speech and wing it. Three more turns and there I was; face down, ass up, and holding on to dear life. Although the officials might've been fucking Merlin and Gandalf because my flipped car got teleported back into the upright position and neither me or my co-driver suffered any damage. I got out of the car, about to see my manager and give him a piece of my mind, but soon I found out that he's nowhere to be found. All I can find is a ticket back home and word that he's took off to find newer talent. With a heavy heart, I decide to retire immediately, fly back home, and do what I do best: trucking and occasional spouse-beating

Well, that about summarizes my experience with the single player content, now let's talk about the reason I bought the game: multiplayer

So here we are, me and my 2 friends, about to have a race together. I asked them about how the game's been treating them so far, and turns out it's the first time they launched the game and that I'm the one with the most experience. Ho ho ho! I can already imagine how this night will turn out! Instead of one inexperienced driver crashing his car, there will be THREE inexperienced driver crashing their cars. But whatever, we tried it anyway... With the expected results. Turns out we are all terrible and have none the slightest knowledge on how to drive rally. It was madness! If this was a real rally event, I could already imagine the people watching this bursting into tears with laughter at this amateur hour. I'm sure we just became the three biggest idiots on the race track. There's one guy who always gets a time penalty over 30 seconds, another guy that always has one of his tires flew off no matter what cars he used, and then there's me: going as slow as chauffeuring an old lady with a heart condition through a crowded school zone. But the funniest thing is that I still win because the others fuck up more. At least that was the case until they find the brilliant strategy of ramming me off the goddamn road, those wonderful human beings.

Aside from fucking around on the track however, there is nothing else entertaining we could find. I mean there's only like 2 tracks available, and crashing ourselves silly can only carry so much gameplay. There are actually more tracks that we can unlock, but unfortunately, to unlock it, we have to progress through the campaign, which means doing that sign reading type of rally that we can't do. And that means we can't progress any further because we aren't actually interested in the gameplay to begin with. So we all said "what the hell" and promptly forget about the game and never speak of it again.

In Brief

It only takes 2 hours of gameplay for me to know what kind of game this is. This is a game for enthusiasts (and by enthusiasts, I mean maniacs). The kind of guy that owns steering wheel controllers they welded into a deck while sitting on a repurposed leather seat from a Mercedes. The kind of guy that wanks to pictures of cars, all the while praising the angle in which it opens its doors. The kind of guy that knows all about your engine problem but lacks the mechanical skill to actually fix it. The kind of guy that brags about his fastest lap times in the game but has to bribe the DMV after the 22nd failed attempt on his driving license.

Slamming aside, that's really all I can say about the game, because this game simply isn't for me. I do not own the necessary knowledge or passion to pass judgement to this game. So take my words as mere winds passing through a valley. I really should've ended it with a race-themed metaphor, but I don't care.

27/11/2019

#dirt rally #pc games #steam

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bolbianddolanhouse · 6 years ago

Text

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 9: Jealousy is a Disease, Get Better Bitch

It’s 3 weeks into term 2 and Mirio and I are the main talk of the school. Iida is still feeling the regret of not speaking up. Muffin 2.0 has an attachment to me and is my assistant and security robot. Important exams are coming up for the intelligence program and more training is required.

-Wednesday in Weaponry-

“Ok let’s review class! When I say a weapon, you present it.” commanded Diya sensei.

“YES SIR!”

“Ok, present straight blade.”

Class presents the correct blade.

“Present brass knuckles”

Everyone but me gets it wrong.

“Really? its literally the only one that has finger holes!” said sensei rubbing his temples “everyone but Palma take a lap!”

“YES SIR!” everyone runs off to do their punishment.

“Palma, come here.”

I get sweaty “yes sir.”

“Now you are doing amazingly well into this term, I was wondering if you could do more training with the hero 1-A class since you need the copy practice.”

“More practice as in, scheduled training?”

“Yes, if you accept I can talk it over with Aizawa on which days so you can have the full schedule of things.”

“I accept!”

“Great! Another thing, you are a strong contender along with Oleshin and Matsui to take the labyrinth and pro-take down practice tests.”

“Oh? I thought only third years take those tests to get into branch academies?”

“Yes but you 3 as a squadron can take the practice tests so in third year you can take the actual test and get into top academies, like at country level agency.”

“That’s quite the honor! I will train my hardest to bring honor to our program.”

“That’s what I like to hear!”

The rest of class continues as usual and Diya tells Mimi and Jin about the practice tests. They also accept the challenge and we get excited about special moves and combos we could do. The rest of the class gets envious of us but we don’t care.

-Meanwhile in the hero 1-A classroom, before I arrive-

“Gah! did you guys hear what Mirio said in the hall in the morning when that one guy was pestering Palma-san?!” said Hagakure.

“I’m getting sick of hearing about this Mirio, unless Palma-san talks about the steamy details about their dates and sessions.” said Bakugo

“Seeing them walk to school holding hands makes me want to have that too” swooned Uraraka.

“Have you seen them training?! He can bench press her!” fanboy’d Kirishima “So manly! Palma-san picked the manliest one of them all!”

Iida was just sitting there, getting jealous that she chose such a person when he knows her secrets. He felt guilty but he wished they would break up so he can swoop in and take his chance. I teleported in.

“Hello everyone!” I said with a warm smile.

“Palma-san! You seem happier than earlier~ did Mirio do something?” asked Aoyama.

“Not this time! I have to give sensei this and I can train more with you guys!”

“Yay! I love our training sessions! You make them fun!” said Mina as she jumped.

“I’m less excited” shivered Mineta “I’m getting flashbacks to when she donkey kicked me into Sato’s ass.”

“DON’T REMIND ME!” screamed Sato, clenching his buttcheeks “I’ll never be the same again.”

“I remember that! My best work yet” I said proudly “my dad taught me how to donkey kick.”

“Why is it every time you show us a useful skill, your father was the one that taught you?” questioned Iida.

“I was the favorite of my siblings because I was so easy to teach and had the patience to perfect these skills” I said remembering my dad “I love my dad and him showing me these skills was his way of showing me he cares for me.”

“Your dad sounds so manly!” said Kirishima “only the manliest men in Palma-san’s life!”

“I’m jealous!” spoke up Midoriya “wish my dad was around to show me useful skills.”

“yo that’s so fucking sad, you ok?” I said as the door opened.

“We’ll get started soon so take your seats” said Aizawa with a stack of papers.

“Oh sensei here, Diya sensei is putting in my request for non-grade training.” said as I handed in a manila folder with my name and program on the flap.

“Thank you Miss Palma, I’ll give these back to Diya by the end of the day.”

Class starts and the rest of the day follows as usual. It’s after school and Mirio is walking me to the dorms.

“Can I ask you something?” asked Mirio.

“Sure, ask away.”

“Why did you come over here?”

Oh boy he wants answers to that part of my file, gotta think fast “To make things short of a whole tragic story, I came over here to protect my family because there’s no hero culture in America. My school was attacked and tried to take my friends to safety but I took a bullet for a beloved teacher instead. Fearing for my family and life, I separated from them and got them relocated while I came over here. It’s was best for everyone this way.”

“That’s incredible! You’re a hero Palma-san!” exclaimed Mirio “You’re so self-less, caring and brave... true qualities of a great hero. I’m honored to be in the presence of such a heroic person.”

Oof I’m going to literally vomit “Thanks but I’m not a hero, I never wanted to be one. I was planning on being a musician or quirk researcher for medicine, that attack ruined my life.”

“But why? You clearly have the power and knowledge to be in the Top 10! Along with All Might! and myself when I finish school! Don’t you want to protect others from the evil of the world?”

I’m about to end this conversation “No, I don’t want to protect everyone because I know I can’t.”

“Well yea but-”

“Mirio, if you’re busy protecting me....then who’s protecting you? Who’s protecting your family? Who’s protecting your home? I want to be the person that protects those people because I know first hand how it is to be ripped away from your family. I know how it is to see your home get torn down with everyone still inside. I know how it is to see your role model get injured.” I started to cry “I don’t wish that on anybody! I’m not a hero, I’m some dead teenager that didn’t save the school or crime. I everyone that once knew me thinks I’m dead and the person that took the shot got the satisfaction of putting me in ground. Is that the hero you’re praising me to be! HUH MIRIO!?”

Mirio just looked at me with wide eyes, he knew he messed up and this whole convince her to be a hero ploy was not going to work.

“I’m sorry- I, don’t know what to say... I never thought-”

“save it Mirio” I said through my angry tears “I need to be alone right now, excuse me.” I teleport out before he could reach out to stop me. He ran to the dorms to see if I was there and apologize properly.

“Um hello! Sorry for the intrusion, but did Palma-san teleport in?” asked Mirio at the entrance of the dorms to Midoriya and Todoroki.

“I didn’t see her before I came down here.” said Midoriya

“Me neither, I thought she was with you Mirio-kun” answered Todoroki “what happened?”

“I asked her a question and I guess it hit a nerve with her and she started to get upset and cry. Before I could apologize she said she needed to be alone and teleported off” explained Mirio “I feel so awful and I don’t know where else could she be!”

“Hmm, I think Iida-kun might know! Lets go ask him, come.” said Todoroki

The boys go up to the boys side and found Iida in the commons room.

“Iida-kun we need help!” said Midoriya in a panic “Palma-san ran off”

“Ran off? I thought she was with-” Iida started then stopped when he saw Mirio with a gulity expression on “with you- WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?! YOU MADE HER CRY DIDN’T YOU!?”

Mirio flinched “I did and I feel absolutely terrible! I didn’t know my question was going to get her upset and cry! Can you please help me find her?”

Iida was trying his hardest not to blow up in Mirio’s face “I have an idea where she might of ran off to, the intelligence dorms and probably in her friends’ dorm to vent” he said as he walked toward the stairs “come on! we have a small window before she goes on a mini adventure with those 2!” The boys follow him to the 4 story dorms thats right next to the hero dorms.

“Hey I’ve seen that car before in the school parking lot! I didn’t know their sensei had an American model car.” said Midoriya as he pointed at the tan colored Jeep that was parked on the west side of the dorms.

Iida panics and said “oh right? hehe imports are so expensive! Lets hurry!”

They go up to the 2nd floor and get greeted by Jin “WELL! if it isn’t a broccoli, robot, thermostat and naked man! Here to make baby girl cry some more?! Or did you come to surrender your asses to Mimi for a Russian beeting?!”

“Please! Mirio just wanted to-”

“SAVE IT ROBOT! I know what happened and I’m about to use my moves on yall if you take one. more. step.” Jin menaced as he struck a pose.

“This is ridiculous! I just want to see her real quick, excuse me” Mirio said as he scooted past Jin.

“MAYDAY MAYDAY! PALMA TAKE ESCAPE MEASURES!” Jin screamed into his earpiece.

The boys stood confused for a second then heard a car honk.

“Gotta go boys! Babygirl doesn’t wanna talk to yall” he said summoning a portal “bye bye!”

Iida’s eyes widen as he realizes whats going on “SHE WOULDN’T!” as he sped off with the other boys followed

“she wouldn’t do what Iida-kun?!” asked Todoroki as they got to the front of the dorms. They catch her with Mimi and Jin in that tan Jeep, speeding off the property.

“That, Mirio you just-” he said turning to Mirio but gets cut off by Midoriya.

“SHE STOLE A CAR! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! SHE’S GOING TO GET HURT IIDA-KUN! I’M REPORTING THIS TO AIZAWA IMMEDIATELY.”

“There is no way she’s getting out of this one” Todoroki said shocked “she violated school rules and committed a felony!”

Cut to hours later when I returned to my dorm, Mirio went home and blew up my phone and everyone in the hero dorm knows what I did. I teleported in my room and got out of my emergency outing clothes that I keep in my car and into lounge wear. My plan was to walk out of my room and act like I didn’t just go to the arcade and messed with people at the town plaza with Mimi and Jin. I walk out and see everyone in the commons room; along with Aizawa, Midnight and All Might... oh n e p t u n e I am in danger of getting exposed.

“Oh Miss Palma! There you are, you gave your classmates quite a scare” said Aizawa “mind telling us the details of your latest heist?”

I sweat but feel bold “Oh hehehe NOPE!” I said as I tried to teleport but get swindled by Aizawa’s Erasure and I fall on my face.

“You’re not in trouble but your classmates need to know why what you did isn’t terms to get you in trouble.” coaxed Midnight as she helped me up.

Deep breath in “Ok yall so you heard about me speeding off in a Jeep that was parked near the intelligence dorms. Truth is, I didn’t steal the car nor did I borrow it, that Jeep belongs to me.” I say as I take out my car key “I was issued a Japan drivers license a month before school started and the Jeep was imported from my home in the America. The only person in the hero 1-A class that knew about this secret was Tenya because I trusted him with this secret among some others I don’t want to get into. I’m sorry for all the worry and distress I’ve caused over this, please forgive me for my carelessness.”

“Young lady I don’t know how they do it in America but these impulses need to stop! It’s not the hero way.” scolded All Might

“No All Might, she’s allowed to do all that, she’s intel and I won’t hear the end of it from Agent 99 if we provoke her!” Midnight said already feeling the stress of the backlash.

“You’re not my dad American Stereotype Man! I do what I want, I’m not stupid!” I sassed.

“This whole time you had a car and couldn’t give us rides anywhere?!” spoke up Sero “do you know how many Mcdonalds runs we could’ve had?!”

“We could’ve gone shopping at the nicer malls! Or went to the arcade after school!” Kaminari chimed in.

Everyone was abuzz with this new information and I had enough, I wasn’t having fun anymore. “SHUT UP! This is exactly why I didn’t tell anyone, yall would just use me for my car instead of treating me like a true friend. I’ve had it with today!” I yelled as I walked back to my dorm to cry out my frustration. I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up puffy from all the crying. I felt and looked like garbage and no amount of makeup could’ve helped it. I get a text while I waited for my coffee to finish brewing, it was from Mirio

[Good morning, I know you’re still upset but please let me right my wrongs. I want to talk and I promise I won’t bring up the past.]

I should respond or I’ll look like the bitch [ok, lets talk at lunch then]

[Great! see you then, have a good 1st half of school]

I get guilty that I did a whole spectacle in my wanting to be alone. I dread going to the hero wing for class, I wanted everyone to just not look at me, I was getting lost in my dread then I realized somebody was talking to me.

“Ita, what happened yesterday?” asked Iida softly

“Oh?! sorry I was getting lost in my thoughts. Mirio asked me why was I here and gave me false praise for my past.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Rather not, I don’t want to lash out on you too. I really lost control yesterday and everything else was a mess afterwards.”

While class was in session, the big 3 was getting filled in on what happened.

“I told you it was a bad idea! It’s a traumatic event Mirio!” scolded Amajiki.

“So what now? Do we just stop pursuing her now that we know the truth?” pondered Nejire “such a shame, she was a promising candidate for top hero.”

“Guys forget all that! I messed up BIG time with her and worst of all she doesn’t even want to be here” said Mirio as he flipped through his phone “I even looked up the school she went to and it’s true what she said, everyone believes she’s dead and she didn’t actually stop that gang leader. She’s not a hero back home, and she’s not at liberty to switch over to be one.”

The other two looked at each other and Amajiki asked “Are you going to break up with her?”

“I don’t want to but I can’t lie to myself that what I did was forgivable, I looked at her personal information and just assumed she was this hometown hero that’s studying abroad to help everyone back home” said Mirio solemnly “She’s a bright young lady that was taken away from her family and home to live her life in hiding here. I’ve never been so wrong in my life guys, it’s best if I break things off.”

“We’re with you on this Mirio!” said Nejire hugging Mirio.

“Then is today the day you’re going to-” started Amajiki.

“No, I’m going to wait until we get into our exams so I don’t put blame on them but on my seriousness to be a hero. She’ll understand and it’s less hurtful.”

Lunch started and I was sweating with anxiety, I was down with breaking up but not with delving into the reasons I ended up here. It went better than I thought, he apologized and I apologized for the whole dramatics of the car thing. I was relieved that he didn’t want to break up because I wanted to practice his quirk some more, I was almost at mastery with it. Fast forward to stats and strats with Jin, an upperclassman works with us on classwork.

“Say, are you guys part of the top first years that are taking the practice exams?” asked the upperclassman.

“We are! I guess rumor of it is spreading among the program.” said Jin

“Congrats! Are you guys excited about the pro-take down? Because we all are!”

“Why? What’s so cool about it for the hype?” I questioned.

“Because it’s broadcasted for the school and agencies to watch! Plus the whole set up is made to defeat or detain all the 3rd years that are becoming pro heroes.”

“Wait does that also-”

“Yup, including the Big Three! They’re usually the reason why the test has a high fail rate. I personally haven’t seen anybody made it past the river section.”

I look at Jin and we exchange the same ‘bitch we have the upper hand’ look. Class ends and we rush over to Mimi to tell her the news.

“We do have the upper hand! Ita you have to say as long as possible with naked man and his friends.”

“Thats the plan but we need a special formation for at least detaining the other 2 and somehow stunning naked man-” I start and get interrupted with a text, it’s Mirio.

[Hey is it ok if today we don’t walk home together? I have to study with Amajiki and Nejire]

[It’s alright, work hard! see you tomorrow!]

I teleport to the dorms and I try not to bring attention to myself. I was doing my homework in my room and I get a bunch of knocks on my door

“who is it?”

“it’s the boys”

Why tho? “ok come in”

It was all the boys in 1-A pile in my room. I get a weird feeling in my stomach that they want something from me.

“We know another one of your dirty little secrets.” said Mineta

I start sweating because it could be literally anything “Oh yeah? what did you discover?”

“You’re familiar with the game League of Legends? Aren’t you Tsaxyphone420?!” confronted Kaminari.

Oh what a relief! It’s a non serious secret. “Oh you caught me! Yes I am Tsaxyphone420.”

The boys gasped “I can’t believe it! How are you playing the game without a console or TV?” asked Sero.

I walk over to my closet and show them a 2 by 3ft flat screen and a game console with my pink controller and matching headset. “My buddy Jin fixed the tv and console that we found at a thrift store while trying to find parts for our project. I’ve had my account for years before I came here and I’d just play when I get invited to the 3rd year kickbacks.”

The boys were floored and envious of my well kept secrets but I was curious “How did you guys know it was me?”

“Alot of the moves and strategies the character does mimics your pattern of strategy minus the wrestling moves” said Midoriya holding his notebook “I noticed when I was watching Kaminari and Mineta try to raid your fortress a month ago.”

“At the same time you were in your allegedly in your room doing your online homework” Iida said fixing his glasses “your giggling and murmuring was suspicious and we connected the dots.”

“And we’re here to make a wager Palma-san! Your clan v our clan! If we win, you have to cook us dinner for a month” proclaimed Sato “dessert included!”

“Ok and if I win, yall have to cook breakfast for the girls and I for a month.”

“DEAL! WE WON’T LOSE!” said Mineta, Sero, Sato, Kaminari and Tokoyami in unison “SUMMON THINE CLAN FOR WAR!”

“Palma to Matsui, do you copy?”

“Matsui here, what’s the situation?”

“We’ve been challenged, order to summon the clan!”

“-gasp- I am contacting the others immediately!”

“Roger that”

We played on the commons room TV and everyone came down to see. Victory to my clan and the uproar from the boys was so rewarding.

“AHHHH! Mineta you fuckin cost us the game!” yelled Sato.

“nuh! Denki when full dumb mode when he started attacking us instead!”

“We lost, now we must uphold our end of the deal” Tokoyami said trying to hide his rage.

“Good job clan! You just earned me breakfast for a whole month.”

“Our pleasure Palma! See you later!”

“no fair! you have all the talent!” said Kaminari “seriously what can’t you do?!”

“I keep telling yall it’s math! Something about numbers makes my brain shut off.”

“Didn’t you test out of 1st year math?” Iida slid in with the facts.

“Yea, BARELY! I was one point away from having to take it anyways! But also if I didn’t test out, I wouldn’t be in your class.” I said as I took my headset off “would anyone else be as fun as me?!”

Fast forward to Saturday, Mimi and Jin summoned me for a training session. We work on formations in the shared field and it caught the attention of the Baku-squad.

“Hey! mind if we have a go at you three?” said Kirishima “those formations are looking a bit easy to evade.”

“Ok, the goal is to detain, get in formation heroes!” said Jin “Mr. Muffins start timer.”

We start and as expected, they’re trying to take down Mimi when the real threat is Jin. We them in the center of our formation and Jin gives the signal to get out of the center to deploy endless loop portals (point A portal is directly under portal B so the object falls indefinitely). The Baku-squad gets in the loop and we shoot our net guns to detain them and get them out of the endless falling.

“TIME! How long was that Mr Muffins?” asked Jin.

“that was 2 minutes and 45 seconds.”

“Fuck! we didn’t shave off our goal” I said as I untangled Mina out of the net “yall want another go to see if we can shave another 15 seconds off to our goal time?”

“What the hell was that?!” growled Bakugo “That was so quick I didn’t even realize I got captured!”

“I think I’m gonna be sick” groaned Sero.

“So is that a no?” asked Mimi.

“You three are so potent, its a little scary how silent and quick you captured us” said Kirishima trying to gnaw himself out of the net.

“You should see us when we have weapon combat!” I said starting to untangle Kirishima “Mimi shot a rubber bullet into somebody’s asshole during the licensing, poor dude regretted teasing us with his exposed ass out. And Jin! oof you better not get too close or he’ll cut you so quick with his squat and stab combo!”

“But that’s not as impressive as your boomerang timer gun combo! I shat myself when I saw the flying gun at the licensing, that poor West side school didn’t see it coming and they all failed.” said Jin untying Bakugo.

They saw us like we were psychopaths and didn’t want to train with us anymore. I go about the rest of my day and Mirio asks me to an impromptu date. We walk to downtown and spend quality time together but I could tell he did it to make himself not feel guilty about the next few days of slowly detaching himself to break up with me. I this isn’t my first rodeo, I know the beginning of the end when I see it. I ask the difficult questions

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yea, what is it?” he said as he stopped his sip.

“I know you’re older and its a different culture here, but what number am I on your list?”

“On my list of what?”

“List of people you’ve dated, what number am I?”

“I don’t see you as a number! But you are my second.”

“...really?”

“yes....wait, what number am I?”

“Fourth, and if you’re counting random kissing encounters, tenth.”

Mirio spits out his drink “WHAT?! You’ve kissed random dudes?”

“Band parties and Intel parties are fucking wild dude, I don’t get around, I’m picky about the boys I want to involved myself with.”

“You were my first kiss and longest relationship, I guess I wasn’t the experienced one in this one huh?” he said nervously.

“You didn’t kiss your first one?”

“no... I was like 11 when we ‘dated’ and broke up a week later because I accidentally got naked while we were holding hands.”

“Thats both hysterical and cute at once!” I said laughing.

Mirio starts to run his hand on my side, I know where this is going “Well I haven’t had much practice, I’m always training and studying.”

“Well if it’s practice you want” I said before looking around and whispered in his ear “you can test my skills in the back of my Jeep.”

He spits out his drink again and vigorously nods his head. I saw his eyes, they screamed ‘yes please holy shit thats hot’. We briskly walked to the street corner and I teleported us to my car. We didn’t waste time, the moment I opened the back he tossed me in and dove right in. While we didn’t have sex or anything lewd, things still got really hot and heavy. When we had enough, I drove him home and he was still dazed from our little session. I went back to the dorms thinking I was so sly that I added a couple more days to my relationship. I teleport in and went to drink some water because a bitch thirsty. I was just standing in the kitchen chugging water and Bakugo flips the light on and sees how disheveled I was.

“Nice! Me too” he said as he took off his shirt and I saw his love marks and scratch marks.

“Bitch you don’t even know the full story!” I said as I took off my shirt and my marks ran down my chest and sides plus deeper scratch marks on my back. We shared details and he kinda slipped that it was Kirishima. “It’s cool fam, secrets safe with me.”

“thanks, gotta go give him some water before he whines.” he said running off with a bottle of water in hand.

I walk to my room with my shirt off and Tokoyami walks out and just stares longingly.

“I miss that, Ita. How much longer do I have to wait to have another session with you?”

“I don’t know, from the way things went in my car. I just added at least another week, be patient~”

I wake up in the morning feeling so smug with myself that I didn’t even try to hide my love marks. There was talk in the bathroom after I left.

“Yo! Mirio is really claiming her” whispered Sero to Kaminari “not gonna lie bro, I hope they stay together.”

“ugh right! Seeing them makes me want to fall in love too” whispered Midoriya “wonder if Iida-kun has moved on from her?”

The whispers still made it through the roar of the shower head Iida was under. He’s still hurt and refuses to move on because he swears she’s THE one. Meanwhile, the big three are at Amajiki’s house, studying but it was really just to check in with Mirio.

“Helloooo! Earth to Mirio!” Nejire waved a hand in front of a still dazed Mirio.

“Mirio did you do it?” asked Amajiki.

“No...we didn’t have any protection, it wouldn’t be fair~” Mirio said spacing out.

Nejire and Amajiki looked at each other “Mirio...he meant did you break up with her.”

Mirio snapped out of it “Oh...OH! uhhh no...” he put his head in his hands “I was on track to the break up part but she got me with the ‘wanna test me in the back of my Jeep’ and now I want to make-out while the sun sets.”

“It’s like she’s luring you in for something.” said Amajiki

“Yeah, commitment! Mirio you can’t just stay with her because she lets you suck face in her car, kiss her goodbye before it goes too far.”

“That’s my problem Nejire! I think I love her~!” He said slamming his head down on the table “I don’t even want to change her to be a hero, I want to be domestic and have kids with her! Maybe some dogs and with flower bushes everywhere and....” Mirio was going off in his tangent while the other two came up with a plan. The new plan was to give Palma-san a break up note before going to an off-campus training. That will give time for Mirio to forget about her and for Palma to move on.

-One week later: Wednesday, in the hallway of the hero wing-

“Ok Mirio, you’ve dodged this moment for too long!” said Nejire “Here’s the note, just give it to her and then you don’t have to talk to her for 3 days about it.”

“You have to do it buddy” said Amajiki patting Mirio on the back “This wasn’t going to last and you know it.”

“I know” Mirio said sadly, rubbing his thumb over the small square with her full name on it “You guys are the best friends anybody could ask for!” He exclaimed as he hugged them. The other two scatter when they hear my foot steps and coffee slurping.

“Hey love! funny running into you here!”

“Hahaha I have class here silly! I thought you left already for the training?”

“We leave during lunch so I wanted to give you this!” he said trying not to sound sad as he handed the note “Just a little bit of my ramblings that I thought would be romantic for you to have while I’m gone!”

“Oh how sweet, you’re making it sound like you’re going to war!” I said as I looked at the name on the note, Itati Palma? Full names are for people in trouble, I see what this is “I’ll still miss you though, stay safe sweetheart” I said trying not to vomit at my fake sentiment.

Mirio was having a dilema, he wanted to leave it at that but he really wanted to kiss her. “Come close love, let me walk you to class” he said as he put his arm around me. When we got to the class, I turned around to say bye and he kissed me hard and everyone in class saw. “One for the road! See you later love~”

“Bye~ sweetheart~” I say as he walked down the hall. I turn to walk to my desk and everyone was in shock at what they just witnessed. “Hahaha hello everyone! I-”

“AH PALMA-SAN THAT WAS SO ROMANTIC!” squealed the girls and Aoyama.

Midoriya was glancing over to Iida, he had his head in his crossed arms, looking defeated.

“Iida-kun?” Midoriya asked gently

“she’s so sweet and lovely, of course Mirio expresses his affection so boldly to her” he said muffled into his arms “they deserve each other.”

Class starts and goes as usual, then lunch time comes.

“Where are you going to eat Palma-san now that Mirio is away?” asked Momo.

“Oh uhhhh with my intel friends and Tenya of course!” I said trying not to sound like I have an ulterior motive.

Iida perks up “Huh? We are?” then he reads my face and I give the ‘i have a secret to share’ face “Oh right! we planned this on Monday! let’s go meet up with those 2!” he said as we briskly walked down the hall, out of earshot.

‘Palma to Matsui and Oleshin, do you copy?’

‘Matsui here/Oleshin here’

‘We are in the midst of the Doomsday event fellas’

‘-gasp-/-gasp-’

‘I am heading to the rendevou point with one Robot’

‘Roger that/ Roger that’

“Robot? is that my code name?!”

“Yea, its better than the other names we’ve been calling you”

“Ok but what is going on Ita?!”

“Mirio gave me a note and I know exactly what it is but I want to fill you in on why Jin and Mimi are involved in this too.”

We get to the intelligence wing and I check if we got anyone following us. Coast is clear, I pull Iida into the workshops.

“Why is it so dark? and smells like...omelette?”

“HEY! I MADE THIS BITCHES FRESH!” Jin yelled offendedly in the dark.

I flip on the light “oof yall, it’s finally happened” I said as I take the note out of my pocket for the others to look at.

“First full name? Oh honey its like they think it’s slick but you don’t even need to open it to know!” said Mimi with sass.

“What is going on? it’s just a note for Ita, from Mirio I presume.” said Iida oblivious to what is actually going on.

I explained everything and Iida’s jaw dropped. “YOU INVOLVED YOURSELF WITH THE NUMBER 1 OF THE SCHOOL JUST TO USE HIM AS A STEPPING STOOL?!”

“To be fair, I wanted to out of affection but he wanted to CONVERT ME TENYA!”

“So now that they’re broken up” said Jin with a mouthful of omelette “we have the upper hand in our practice exam but the one person we need a bit more time to prefect the plan is the pointy eared boi.”

“The plan now is to get her close to him, disguise it as ‘Mirio blocked my number and won’t talk to me’ and have her copy the quirk to prefect the transformations we need.” said Mimi.

“If he wants to get it with me, I wouldn’t mind but it’s going to get super awkward trying to explain that I knew the whole time what they wanted with me.”

“I’m at a loss for words” said Iida slinking into his chair “all those dates and affection before class today, none of it matters? You don’t feel bad about it?”

“Both sides had alterior motives, thats not love Tenya! Love is when you look at someone and you don’t want to change a single thing about them nor care who doesn’t want them to be together. I’ll get the most satisfactory out of looking at his face when I defeat him with his own quirk, he really thought he had me figured out.”

“huh, the note was written by 3 different people” Mimi said examining the note “and from the choice of words, it looks like Mirio didn’t want to break up.”

I read over the note “You’re right! This was group decision break up, just like how they targeted me.”

I don’t know how to go about this complication but the pro-take down practice test is in 2 weeks. Time to cause some drama between the boys.

-End Chapter 9-

#bnha #mha #not canon #self insert au #chapter 9 #will update regularly #ask me anything

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kcaruth · 6 years ago

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Movie Mania: Top 10 of 2018

This one was difficult. Those who have followed this blog for a while will know that for the past two years I have done a top 15 list of favorite films. That is largely because 2016 and 2017 cranked out so many great films, and I could not restrict myself to 10. However, 2018 turned out to be a rather lackluster year for film, in my opinion. Sure, there were some high points, but overall it was disappointing. It was actually easy to stick to a list of 10 this time, and those 10 films are all deserving of praise. I just wish they had some tougher competition to go up against. I digress, though. I now give you my spoiler-free list of favorite films of 2018.

Honorable Mention: Bumblebee

A collaboration between Travis Knight, the director of Kubo and the Two Strings, and Hailee Steinfeld? Count me in!

I stopped following the Transformers franchise after 2011′s Transformers: Dark of the Moon. One can only endure so many mind-numbing Michael Bay explosions before all of his or her brain cells die out. Here is a fun exercise that one of my college professors taught me; try it next time a Michael Bay Transformers movie comes on. Every time there is a cut, tap a pen or pencil or clap your hands. Frankly, it is quite overwhelming and hard to keep up with, and it is difficult not to notice every single unnecessary, jarring cut after becoming conscious of them through this exercise.

Contrast that with 2018′s Bumblebee. At Knight’s direction, the film forgoes most of those flashy explosions in favor of a more intimate approach to actual character development. Knight wisely chooses to keep the audience grounded and focused on the human characters, namely Steinfeld’s Charlie Watson, a teenage girl who is still struggling to come to terms with the death of her father while harboring resentment of her mother for remarrying. As far as the robots go, while the other Transformers movies went overboard with filling the screen with as many Decepticons and Autobots as they could, Knight really only has the titular Bumblebee and a couple of Decepticons hunting him down, ensuring that the action scenes and the film itself do not feel too bloated. Bumblebee is the course correction that this franchise so desperately needed.

#10: Eighth Grade

I was cringing throughout the run time of Eighth Grade, but somehow that is a compliment to this film. Uncompromising in its excruciating honesty, Eighth Grade hits the bullseye when it targets the audience’s empathy for an anxious 13-year-old during her last week of eighth grade named Kayla Day, played by Elsie Fisher. As his debut feature film, writer-director Bo Burnham has stated that he drew inspiration from his own struggles with social anxiety, so the script feels genuine and absent of any Hollywood edits. While Kayla is certainly the main focus of the film, Burnham provides a surprisingly touching character arc for her single father, Mark, played by Josh Hamilton. Mark desperately attempts to connect with his teenage daughter, but it seems like all she cares about having a connection with is her phone and social media. With themes of mental health, heavy use of social media, and sexuality, Burnham delivers one of the most uncomfortable scenes I have ever sat through in a movie theater, which is most likely exactly how he intended it to feel.

I cannot help but compare Eighth Grade to 2016′s Edge of Seventeen, another coming-of-age comedy-drama about a teenage girl by a debut director. If I was given the choice between the two films, I would pick Edge of Seventeen, which I believe is much more re-watchable, garnering that intended empathetic response from the audience with half the cringe. Both are brilliant, but those who have not seen Edge of Seventeen should do themselves a favor and give it a watch.

#9: Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

With so much hate and negativity in the world today, Morgan Neville’s documentary about Fred Rogers is a shining beacon of hope that restores one’s faith in humanity. Using archival footage as well as interviews with those closest to Rogers, Neville paints an intimate portrait of the man who welcomed audiences into his neighborhood through his pioneering television program. Without deifying Rogers, Neville shows how this American treasure dedicated every fiber of his being to teaching children how to be upstanding human beings who care deeply for one another, despite our differences. This documentary proves that Rogers’ lessons were not just for children, though. In fact, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? often feels like a one-on-one session with Rogers, encouraging audience members that they are all capable of good through simple acts of kindness.

#8: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Unfortunately, this American western is sure to fly under most people’s radar because it was a Netflix release that I do not recall having much fanfare and advertising. Written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, this film is an anthology of six different vignettes set in the American West. Sporting a stellar cast with the likes of Liam Neeson, Tim Blake Nelson, James Franco, Zoe Kazan, Brendan Gleeson, and more, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs flexes the Coen’s signature style of dark drama and black humor while impressively tackling all of the sub-genres within the greater Western genre.

Each of the vignettes are tied together by death in some form or fashion. While my ranking of them changes from day to day, my favorite and least favorite remain consistent. It is virtually impossible to not fall in love with the first vignette, “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs,” which is about a cheerful outlaw known just as widely for his singing as his gunslinging. The final vignette featuring a handful of characters cramped together on a stagecoach ride called “The Mortal Remains,” on the other hand, feels somewhat out of place and ends the film with a bit of a dud. Along the way between these two vignettes, however, viewers encounter enchanting tales of a bank robber, an impresario and his artist, a prospector, and a wagon train on the Oregon Trail.

As the Coen’s first film to be shot digitally, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs boasts some impressive cinematography, especially when it comes to wide sweeping shots, like any decent Western should. It also features a wonderfully delightful score that I desperately hope gets an Oscar nod. Not a week has gone by since I have watched this film where I do not find myself humming one of the songs or music from it. The acting throughout the different vignettes of the film is topnotch, and the actors look like they are having a blast in their roles.The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is a fun time that leaves viewers longing for more time in the American West. For those who cannot find the time to sit down for the whole film, I must urge them to at least watch the first vignette about Buster Scruggs, which is worth the price of admission on its own.

#7: Isle of Dogs

Set in a dystopian Japan, Wes Anderson’s stop-motion animated Isle of Dogs tells the story of a boy searching for his dog on Trash Island after an outbreak of canine flu. Voiced by an all-star cast including Bryan Cranston, Jeff Goldblum, Scarlett Johansson, and Bill Murray, Isle of Dogs is an epic adventure with its fair share of plot twists along the way. Alexandre Desplat provides a brilliant score for the film that matches Anderson’s comedic quirkiness and thematic choices. I would not consider myself a fan of Anderson’s distinct film style, but I do consider myself a huge fan of dogs and enjoyed Isle of Dogs. (Get the title of the film? Pronounce it out loud quickly. I Love Dogs.)

#6: Game Night

Game Night made me laugh out loud like I have not done in a long time at the movie theater. Starring Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams, the film follows the hilariously ridiculous premise of a group of friends whose game night gets wrapped up in a criminal escapade. In addition to Bateman and McAdams’ great, fun chemistry as the husband and wife duo of Max and Annie Davis, Jesse Plemons’ portrayal of Gary Kingsbury, Max and Annie’s weird neighbor, delivers some moments of pure laughter. For a film that is high on laughs, Game Night manages to string the audience along with its surprisingly competent mystery, complete with reveals and twists that both shock and amuse viewers. Be sure to stick around for the credits and post-credits.

#5: A Quiet Place

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a big baby when it comes to horror movies. I absolutely loathe jump scares and will watch horror movies through my fingers if I am forced to watch one. However, I had heard so much positive buzz about John Krasinski’s A Quiet Place that I could not allow myself to make this list without seeing it first, and boy am I glad I summoned the courage to see it. A Quiet Place is a masterclass in tension, tone, pacing, sound design, and character development.

The plot centers around the Abbott family in a post-apocalyptic world inhabited by blind monsters that attack any source of sound with their heightened sense of hearing. Nothing is known about the origins of these monsters, only that they have wiped out most human and animal life on Earth. In this hopeless world, Lee and Evelyn Abbott struggle to fill their children with hope for the future.

The performances in A Quiet Place are some of the best of the year. The actors have an added degree of difficulty of having very minimal to no dialogue during the entire film, so their facial expressions and body language have to do most of the talking. One of the more impressive feats of A Quiet Place is the characters communicate in American Sign Language, and the actors actually learned ASL for the film. Millicent Simmonds, who plays Regan Abbott, is deaf and knows ASL, so she was able to help her co-stars with ASL, make corrections, and suggest improvements.

Krasinski has said that A Quiet Place is all about parenthood. Along with this theme, the film contains many Christian images and themes that are fascinating to pick apart and ponder. With so much depth, A Quiet Place delivers an original story that grips audiences. Although I did not see it in theaters, I am sure that people could hear a pen drop in their viewings.

#4: Bohemian Rhapsody

For all of its inaccuracies, creative liberties, and unevenness, Bohemian Rhapsody took the world by storm as the highest grossing music biopic and reinvigorated a love of Queen and its leading man, Freddie Mercury. Rami Malek runs away with the film as he disappears into his role as Mercury, so much so that audience members might have to pinch themselves to remember that they are not watching the real Freddie Mercury. Seriously, Malek has to be a surefire Oscar contender for this performance. Not only does he masterfully recreate Mercury’s mannerisms and moves onstage, he also channels his pain and feelings of isolation to bring audiences a fully realized depiction of the superstar. The supporting cast is good too, although Malek’s stellar performance does overshadow them, through no fault of their own.

For its finale, Bohemian Rhapsody gifts audiences with one of the most moving, memorable set pieces in all of film for 2018, the 1985 Live Aid concert. In a word, it is epic. Bohemian Rhapsody teaches lessons of acceptance, love, individuality, and the power of music and leaves viewers wishing they could have had a few more years with the amazing Freddie Mercury. This is one of those instances where the majority of critics should be ignored. Even if viewers are new to Queen, they should not miss this film.

#3: Green Book

Bolstered by fantastic performances by Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali, Peter Farrelly’s Green Book takes a relatively unknown true story about a concert tour to the Deep South in the 1960s with African-American pianist Dr. Don Shirley (Ali) and his driver/bodyguard, Italian-American Tony Vallelonga (Mortensen), and tackles its subject matter without being too heavy-handed and maintaining respect for its characters. The script treats Vallelonga and Shirley as real human beings. Contrary to most film tropes, neither completely changes his character after a single event or incident. Instead, that change occurs slowly over the course of their road trip. Both men learn from one another, despite their disparate backgrounds. Mortensen and Ali are both worthy of Oscar nominations, though I think I would give the edge to Mortensen.

For a film about racism, identity, and the dangerous Jim Crow South, Green Book remains accessible to all audiences. It is full of heart and is brimming with that feel-good aura. As Mick LaSalle wrote in The San Francisco Chronicle, Green Book is “so big in its spirit, that the movie acquires a glow. It achieves that glow slowly, but by the middle and certainly by the end, it's there, the sense of something magical happening, on screen and within the audience.”

#2: Annihilation

I have not stopped thinking about Alex Garland’s Annihilation since it came out way back in February. Garland, the director of one of my favorite films released in 2015 Ex Machina, puts together an impressive cast starring Natalie Portman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Gina Rodriguez, Tessa Thompson, Tuva Novotny, and Oscar Isaac to deliver a truly intoxicating film that leaves audiences deep in thought well after the credits roll. Based on Jeff VanderMeer’s novel of the same name, Annihilation follows a group of scientists who enter a mysterious quarantined area known as the Shimmer. Inside the Shimmer, flora and fauna undergo uncontrollable mutations. The scientists explore the Shimmer in an attempt to learn its secrets and discover what happened to the military team that was sent in before them.

The atmospheric, bone-chilling score sticks in viewers’ memories and adds to the intense tone of the film. Speaking of tone, Annihilation might bring audiences to the verge of suffocation because of how breathtaking it is. It has possibly the scariest, most dreadful scene of any film from this decade that comes from the stuff of nightmares and leaves audiences haunted. For all of its terrifying elements, however, this sci-fi film also showcases some downright gorgeous scenes that let the imagination run wild. Unlike many sci-fi films these days, Annihilation is not afraid to slow down and let scenes marinate in viewers’ minds. With so many avenues to explore as far as themes go, from ethics to grief to depression to humanity’s propensity for its own self-destruction, Annihilation is a film that should be talked about for a long time to come.

#1: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

This was the easiest decision on my whole list. No other film came close to the number one spot after I saw Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. I remember seeing trailers for this film throughout 2018, but I did not have high expectations for it and almost blew it off. After all, with all of the Spider-Man films we have had in recent years, how could this one stand out apart from its animation?

The hype is real. Spider-Man is one of the most well-rounded films of 2018. It expertly balances its genuinely funny comedic moments with its emotionally moving dramatic ones. It takes risks that pay off with its bold storytelling, which is full of charm and satisfying superhero action. There is obvious care and attention to detail poured into every frame of this film, a work of art that is a love letter to superhero comic books. The creators of the film wanted it to feel like "you walked inside a comic book," and they hit it out of the park. The computer-generated animation works in concert with line drawings, paintings, dots, and various comic book art styles to make the film look like it was created by hand. It even has word boxes and bubbles that somehow are not too obstructive or distracting. As Todd Howard, the director and executive producer at Bethesda Game Studios, is famous for saying, “all of this just works.”

For such a large ensemble of characters voiced by ingenious choices like Mahershala Ali, Hailee Steinfeld, and Nicolas Cage, Spider-Man gives each of them equal footing while keeping the spotlight squarely on Miles Morales (Shameik Moore), the new Spider-Man. Lily Tomlin voices what may be my favorite version of Aunt May, and many other Spider-Man staple characters make great appearances.

The soundtrack is catchy and fits the bill for what a kid Miles’ age would listen to. There are tons of Easter eggs for hardcore Spider-Man fans to uncover, and there are pop culture winks and nods that most people familiar with the Spider-Man franchise will understand and enjoy. Of course, the late, great Stan Lee has a touching cameo, one of his best yet.

Every part of this stand-alone story feels fresh, and the characters have so much depth to them. It is hard to come up with an original concept that reinvents the superhero genre, but Spider-Man has done just that and more. This revolutionary, culturally important film was a joy to watch, and it may go down as the best Spider-Man film yet. Certainly, it has to be a serious contender for the best film of 2018.

The following are a list of all of the films I saw from 2018, in no particular order:

· Green Book

· The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

· Pope Francis: A Man of His Word

· My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

· Black Panther

· Annihilation

· Game Night

· Ready Player One

· Isle of Dogs

· A Quiet Place

· Avengers: infinity War

· Deadpool 2

· Solo: A Star Wars Story

· Incredibles 2

· Ant-Man and the Wasp

· BlacKkKlansman

· Bad Times at the El Royale

· Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle

· First Man

· Ralph Breaks the Internet

· Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

· Aquaman

· Bumblebee

· Bohemian Rhapsody

· Bird Box

· Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

· Eighth Grade

My 2017 film list: http://kcaruth.tumblr.com/post/171040800751/movie-mania-top-15-of-2017

My 2016 film list: http://kcaruth.tumblr.com/post/156340406236/movie-mania-top-15-of-2016

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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What We’re Still Not Teaching Kids About Consent

If I’m remembering correctly, sex ed in the ’80s consisted of the following lessons:

— First grade: Tell someone if a grownup (who isn’t a doctor) touches your private parts

— Fifth grade: You’re going to bleed from your private parts one day, catch these free diaper-sized maxi pads as we lob them at your head

— Tenth grade: You know what sex is, right? Don’t do that unless you like making babies. And if you’re going to have sex, wear a condom because of AIDS. Good luck!

If you’re wondering where the big lessons on consent were, so am I. If I’m being generous, I can conjure up a fuzzy memory of a tenth-grade coach/teacher in belted short shorts telling the boys in the room, “Guys, no means no. I mean it.” And that would have been the final word on the subject, because we all thought we were using the same language when it came to consent. Yes was yes, no was no, where’s the confusion?

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The confusion, as we’ve mentioned before, is in how pop culture tells men that no really means “maybe, try again,” and tells women that if you didn’t say no hard enough, you probably didn’t mean it in the first place. Maybe work on your communication skills, body language, and drinking schedule for next time, girly. The confusion comes in real-world situations in which body parts are already slippery and engorged and you want this but not that, and you aren’t sure how to say you want this but not that. The confusion comes when no one teaches that “maybe,” “not yet,” “let’s just kiss” and *gentle push to create distance* should be treated as “no,” full stop.

Consent is sticky and confusing not just because sex itself can be sticky and confusing, but also because we haven’t given future sexual beings the language, tools, or authority to communicate what they want out of sex. And yes, when I say “future sexual beings,” I mean kids. This is a column about kids and sex.

I’m sorry.

No, I’m not.

Parents, it’s on us to do better by our kids. Because lessons about consent start on Day One.

Teach Your Kids That They Don’t Owe Anyone Hugs And Kisses

Day One of Parenthood: So you’ve got a floppy-headed baby who can’t see straight, can’t do anything but sleep, cry, poop, and latch (if you’re lucky), and is basically a hair scrunchie in human form. Day One isn’t the best day to start teaching consent, I guess. Whatever, let’s fast-forward.

Skip ahead to Day 730ish. Now you’ve got a toddler, and this toddler is so effing cute that you’re considering renaming them “Pixar.” We’re talking about chipmunk cheeks, 20 perfect square teeth that aren’t crowded or decayed in any way, a big fat Buddha belly accentuated by a onesie that this child has no shame in wearing, turkey drum limbs, and a Frankenstein gait that only makes them more squeezable. I just LOVE TODDLERS SO MUCH. Parents, I want to hug your squishy toddlers.

Also, I’m your problem.

Your job as a parent is to teach your child that that they own their adorable squishy bodies, and that grandmas, aunts, uncles, fun cute adult friends who seem to pose zero harm (like me!) aren’t deserving of their hugs just because they’re big and nice and want the hugs.

Let’s put it this way: When you’re a toddler, every other human is a Mountain. Not necessarily the Mountain who gave birth to the Mountain who gave birth to you, just a huge mass of someone who isn’t your mom or your dad. For some babies, that distinction is wiped away quickly, and hugs and kisses are as naturally forthcoming as the poop that defies gravity to land mid-back while their parents are trying to enjoy a night at Olive Garden. That’s why you, the parent, have to start giving your child options about hugs and kisses as soon as they’re big enough to understand “yes” and “no.”

Here’s a dramatic reenactment of a conversation that’s happening somewhere in the world at this very second:

Mom: Give Grandma a hug.

Child: *Frozen, suspicious and belligerent*

Grandma: Awww, can I have a hug? I flew across the country to see you! *Holds flabby arms out*

Mom: Give Grandma a hug or you can go to your room until you’re ready to be nice.

Grandma: No, it’s OK. *Mimes wiping away fake tears for dramatic effect*

Child: *Gives robot hug*

When I was a little kid, the consequences of disappointing an adult by not giving them physical affection could have ended with a guilt trip, an earlier bedtime, or worst-case scenario, a spanking. When my parents were kids, I’m guessing they were sent to the coal mines if they let down their older relatives in the hugging department.

The point is that we’ve trained children to think that when it comes to something innocent like hugs or tickling (when the whole point is how much the kid doesn’t want it), an adult’s feelings are more important than a child’s personal space. If you want your kid to say “no” with authority and confidence in the backseat of a driverless car ten years from now, they have to get practice saying no in general. More importantly, they have to know that hurting Grandma or Miss Kristi’s (that’s what kids call me sometimes) feelings is much less important than listening to their own gut.

By the way, I’m not advocating for adults to glue their arms to their sides and bow in deep respect every time they encounter a toddler. If I get to meet your toddler, I’m going to do what I always do: Sit on the floor and play with them and ask for a hug at the end of the visit. And if they say no or hesitate, I’ll back off and maybe ask for a high five instead. I’ll be fine. Your job as a parent is to give your kids lots of practice at turning people like me down so that they’re really good at saying no when the stakes are way higher.

Grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, cherished friends of children, the same message goes to you. Do not make a child feel guilty for not wanting to give you a hug, even if you gave them a really cool present.

Teach Your Kids That No One Can Hit Them (Not Even You)

Oh, we’re going there.

When my kids were little, we had a Biblical(ish) approach to parenting, and discipline included spankings. Back then, my husband and I agreed that spankings (or pops on the bottom, as we called them) were a good tool for teaching a lesson when a child did something that could get them hurt. Running out into the street, for example, would get a pop on the bottom. (And we were usually talking about a weak slap on a diapered booty.) The logic was that the fear of getting a spanking combined with the pain of the spanking would create a memory that would make them never ever want to run into the street again.

Unfortunately, once you’ve allowed yourself to hit someone as a form of discipline or instruction, you don’t always follow your own rules, because you’re also human. Did we also give reactionary “spankings” in anger? Yes, once or twice because we’d opened the door to spankings and didn’t manage ourselves as well as we should have. Did we give “spankings” on non-diapered bottoms to kids who weren’t running out into the street but were mouthing off? Sadly, yes.

I regret allowing spanking in my home because A) spankings allowed my kids to see the very worst version of me, and B) research is revealing that spanking is tied to aggressive behavior, lower self-esteem, and increased mental health problems. I know the Bible says that kids who don’t get spanked grow up to be spoiled, but if your best tool for raising nice children is to hit them when they’re bad, you maybe shouldn’t be raising kids? And maybe stay away from dogs too while we’re at it.

Actually, let’s drop the word “spank” altogether for a minute, because it’s a euphemism for hitting, and we should be honest with ourselves when we hit another person, especially a child. As a child, you’re told that hitting other kids is bad and that kids who hit are bullies. But if you’ve been bad, your parents, grandparents, and sometimes your principal can hit you, and that’s OK because they’re big and old and in charge. The most basic, fundamental standard of human decency we’ve come up with throughout human history — do unto others as you’d have done to you — doesn’t apply to children.

So how do childhood spankings tie into consent in sexual situations? A kid who received spankings goes into adolescence and adulthood with the memory of being physically punished for being disobedient. They know what it’s like to get hurt for disappointing someone they love and trust. They know that it’s possible for people they care about to hurt them if they do something wrong. Ultimately, they were raised to believe that no one should hurt them unless it’s someone they love.

How does that lesson not make its way into the bedroom?

If we want our kids to walk into their first sexual experiences with the confidence to say no if they want to say no, we should start by practicing what we preach in the decades before the moment happens. “No one is allowed to hit you, not even me. You are in charge of your body, all the time, even when you’ve done something wrong. There is nothing you can do that will make me hurt your body, because that’s now how we treat each other.”

If you take spankings off the table, your child never gets taught that authority figures are allowed to hurt them if the conditions are right. Or that big people are authorized to apply their own internal logic of when it’s OK to hit and when it’s not OK to hurt their bodies.

Speaking of authority figures …

Teach Your Kids That Authority Figures And Heroes Can Be Bad

As of this writing, Larry Nassar, the doctor who used his position to sexually assault at least 120 young gymnasts, has been sentenced to 40-75 years in prison for his crimes. He won’t have the opportunity to serve those years until he finishes his 60-year sentence for the child porn charges that came before. I know. I hate him too.

It’s important to note here that this Nassar monster doesn’t fit neatly in an article about consent, but I’m dragging his sorry name in here anyway because we’re talking about parenting, and every parent should know what this man did. Consent is something that happens between two adults who are trying to hash out how far they want to go together. Consent is not a thing when a child is involved, ever. I bring Nassar up because during his trial, his victims weren’t only pointing their fingers at him; they shed light on the dozens of moments when the system that was supposed to protect them protected him instead. We’re talking about a man who sexually abused little girls while their parents were in the room.

And these weren’t regular parents like you and me. These were the kind of parents who would change jobs, move across the country, and invest thousands of dollars into making their children’s athletic dreams come true. They reworked their entire lives around their kids. They were like, super parents. But they couldn’t tell when a doctor was molesting their babies. Why? Because the very first rule they learned in their sexual education, and the first rule they taught their own kids, was that doctors are allowed to touch private parts.

I bring up Nassar because I can imagine the thought processes of both the victims and the parents in the room when he was committing his crimes. At the heart of their misgivings about his actions was self-doubt, feeling that they were wrong for feeling uncomfortable. This man is a doctor. Self-doubt is also at the heart of every adult encounter in which one person isn’t sure of how far they want to go but they don’t know how to express themselves. For example, when a woman is on a date with a guy she’s liked for a long time and second-guesses herself when he wants to move too fast because he’s well-liked and kind.

Self-doubt doesn’t emerge fully formed in someone’s head out of nowhere. It comes from the stories you tell yourself about yourself, and how much you trust your own feelings. Nassar lasted as a predator for multiple decades because most of us are freaking little kids when it comes to submitting to authority, and Nassar was a doctor, so he was an authority. He lasted because we will do mental gymnastics to avoid confrontation with people who hurt us, and we’d rather suffer than trust our own instincts.

So give your kids some room to doubt authority figures every now and then. Let them explore the concept that grownups can be bad, because yeah, some of them are monsters. Let your kids practice saying “no,” like, all the time. You think I’m kidding, but it’s shockingly hard to say “no” as an adult, especially to someone you like.

Teach Your Kids To Read And Respect The People Around Them

I can’t speak for every other woman out there, but the Aziz Ansari date night story hit me harder than the James Franco stories or accounts of Louis C.K. masturbating in front of female comedians, even though their actions were objectively more disgusting in every way. The Ansari account was painful because his date tied herself into knots as she tried to come up with ways to say “no” without hurting his feelings, but every clue she dropped was met with “yes, but,” as if their whole date was an improv game. A woman left his apartment in tears, and he thought they had a great night 24 hours later.

Unfortunately, the story was the best illustration of a consent problem that I’ve ever seen. One person struggled to say no, and the other person didn’t read, see, or hear her struggle at all, or read it and didn’t care. While every other entry on the list is a way to help your kid not become a victim, this one is to help your kid not become a person who tries to have sex with someone who’s not into it. That’s a matter of empathy, and it can be taught.

This starts with modeling empathy over and over and over again. Read your kids’ faces and bodies, and show them that they can read their friends’ faces as bodies as well. Literally say “Your face looks sad. Are you OK?” Or “Why did your friend go hide under the slide and start crying when you were playing? What happened?” Or “I can tell you’re mad at me because I ate all of the Goldfish while you were at school. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

If the idea of acknowledging a child’s facial expressions and body language out loud over and over again is exhausting, that’s because it is. And that’s not including the times you’re calling them out for the wrong reasons. “Wipe that face off your face” is a favorite expression in my house, because everybody hates grumpy faces. But I can’t think of another way to teach kids how to check in with the emotional states of the people around them than to just … do that. Like, all the time.

Despite what pop culture has taught us, we want boys (and girls) who want to read faces and body language and want to land on the same place as their partners. We want future adults to pride themselves on how attuned they are to the person in front of them, especially when we’re talking about sex. We want guys (and girls) who ask “Is this OK?” before they get handsy because that’s how much they respect the person they’re with, even if they just met.

Parents, don’t wait for pop culture to catch up on teaching consent. It’s not going to happen any time soon. By the time the next generation of screenwriters figures out how to write sexy scenes that handle consent really well, your kids are already going to be grown.

Feel free to check in on Kristi’s emotional state whenever you want over on Twitter.

If you have children yourself and need some help with this, authors are writing children’s books geared towards teaching them these very things. Check them out!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-were-still-not-teaching-kids-about-consent/

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jodiwalker · 8 years ago

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A Bachelorette Bio Breakdown: They Would Do Anything for Love (And They Will Do THAT)

There comes a time in every 20-something's life…when they must take a season off from The Bachelor franchise. For me, that season was Nick. Not because I don't like Nick—I find him no better or worse than any Bachelor(ette) who has come before him. (Actually I find him better because, uh, I'm pretty sure Prince Farming recently killed a guy).

I just needed a break. Yes I know about Corrinne. Yes, I stand in awe and fear of her. Yes, she has a perfectly round head-shape like a peanut M&M when they forget to put the peanut in that I don't trust, but do tend to admire, a la Stassi from Vanderpump Rules. Though it left a gaping hole in my heart—as if I was forgetting to eat breakfast every single day, and that missing breakfast was made of thigh gaps and man-tears—it was good for me. I return refreshed, and more importantly, completely clueless about what to expect from Rachel, or as I have taken to calling her: the Rachelorette (pronounced R8chelorette).

The only thing I can remember about Rachel from the brief glimpses I caught of Nick's season is that she got the First Impression Rose of Doom and I once saw her in a full-out sprint and not a single part of her body jiggled. From what I understand, she remained charming throughout and some issues of race were (not awfully) addressed in her hometown visit. I have to imagine that conversation went something like this:

Rachel's parents, in unison: Nick, we can't help but notice that you're white. And also, that our daughter is way out of your league.

Nick: But—

Rachel's parents, alternating back and forth every other word: Yes, even now that you're two percent body fat and there's something different about your face that we can't quite put our finger on.

Rachel: Ha, you right, fam. See ya, Nick, I'm about to be the first black Bachelorette!

Nick: And I…I will take my last titular stand in Dancing With the Stars where I will wear more sequins and bronzer than any Bachelorette could ever dream of.

Since I clearly know very little about Rachel, I also expect very little out of her, which is kind of nice. Rachel can be a robot and it won't really matter—in fact, since she's from Dallas, a place solely populated by gallerias that smell like fancy fountains and hot young women that also smell like fancy fountains (lookin’ at you, JoJo), it will make perfect sense if she's just an average, smart, attractive woman. But she's also the first black lead in the Bachelor franchise, so y’know, the producers will probably run this entire freight train into the ground trying to be cool about that.

Unfortunately, unlike the contestant bios which are full of enlightening questions like "What fruit would you be if you could be any fruit?" and "What brand of high-end blender would you be I you could be any brand of high-end blender?" the Bachelorette's bio is just four paragraphs of excruciating prose. And since Rachel is an attorney, hers is 80 percent lawyer puns, 15 percent conjunctions, 5 percent her own name, and exactly 0 percent concentrated power of will. What I learned is that. 1.) Rachel went to the University of Texas, which checks out because it's almost easier to imagine her with a tiny temporary tattoo of a burnt orange longhorn on her cheek than without, and 2.) "Winning in court has never been a problem, but finding love is a case that unfortunately remains open." Yeesh.

So, let's, uh, call this court to order by meeting all 31 of the, uh, romantic prosecutors who have been, uh, subpoenaed in this case of, uh, LOVE IN THE FIRST DEGREE. Nailed it.

This isn’t necessarily the all-around hottest group of suitors we've ever had. But it is the most diverse. And that's because Rachel is a minority, so ABC will let her date another minority: a black guy, an Asian guy, a Latino guy…hell, she could even choose a white guy if she wants (but they will withhold her daily allotment of Snackwells if she tries to pull any of that shit). They're so open-minded this season, you guys. Honestly! They're very cool with what Caitlyn Jenner is up to; they retweet DeRay sometimes; some of their best friends went to the Women's March.

And while they may have curiously kept Rachel a blank slate in the marketing leading up to her season, all the jacked dudes trying to woo her come pre-packaged with a whole slew of questions by which to judge them. Pretty much every single one of them says they're 6'2 or taller, they're all obsessed with the Rock, Denzel Washington and Matthew McConaughey, like, six of them have inner-lip tattoos, and I don't know if Rachel requested that they all be sexual deviants, or if this is just the Freak House that Kaitlyn Bristowe Built, but everyone has gotten up to some real weird shit in the bedroom. So without further ado…

Rachel's Top 12 Most Interesting Men (according to a questionnaire completed under a distorting blanket of warm Jägermeister served in a plastic cup by producers who lured you out of a food court Sbarro with promises of love and more deli meat than one could ever imagine, plus, if you mention Elon Musk in your questionnaire, everyone will think you're smart, and also, if you say no to doing this, you're probably at least a little subconsciously racist, just something to think about—alright, see ya in Calabasas, buddy!) in no particular order:

Adam—Real Estate Agent, 27

When asked what his typical Saturday night looks like, Adam responded, "Well if it's not with my couch, then I would go out with some friends for dinner and go out to a bar or club for drinks, maybe late night tacos." Dude…you know that sounds like you're fucking your couch. You know that. Adam also said the most romantic gift he's ever received is a threesome for his birthday. Just him, his little lady, and that sweet, sweet couch.

DeMario—Executive Recruiter, 30

Excuse me as I half claim DeMario as my 2017 boyfriend, and half assess him as my 2017 nemesis because he might be the person I wish I was. DeMario's description of himself during social outings is like if a Kanye tweet (RIP) had an exclamation point baby with a Cher tweet: "100% the party starter… always blowing my whistle and making NOISE!!! Let's fire it up, put on some Prince and party like it's 1999!!!!" It could only be better if he threw a little Jaden-existentialism in the mix. And if those are all references you understand, you will also appreciate DeMario's thoughts on being the center of attention: "I won't lie, I love attention… not like '07 B. Spears attention or 2011 Sheen. Natural attention like when Justin and Brit wore those incredible denim outfits." Oh, you mean MY PERMANENT TWITTER THEME?

DeMario has a real Michael B. Jordan thing going for him, he chose a crew neck t-shirt instead of a v-neck, and he seems to choose to capitalize words or abbreviate them completely at random. I love him and I will make him mine. And who does DeMario hope to make his? His ideal mate is, "Outgoing, people person, funny, crazy, calm, cool, loud, funny, geeky but cool like The Fonz." Who has two thumbs, is standing near a jukebox, and is exactly like that? (Hint: It me.)

Anthony—Education Software Manager, 26

Anthony is too young for Rachel, but he also seems like the smartest one in the bunch. He got a Fulbright Scholarship to teach on the Ivory Coast, he name checks that weird carnivorous island in Life of Pi, his favorite movies are the very well-rounded trio of The Iron Giant, Moonlight and The Matrix, and his ideal mate is intellectual. Also he says he has "virtually no limits" in the bedroom"…so he will let you do butt stuff.

Diggy—Senior Inventory Analyst, 31

Homboy wore Warby Parkers to the beach. And they look good! Homeboy also took us on a wild ride via his questionnaire answers—and that makes sense. I don't think you come by the name Diggy because of your mild demeanor. (However, that this is not a grown-up Diggy Simmons is a disappointment that cannot be overcome.) Diggy begins a lot of his sentences with "Now," and it's hard to tell if he's marking the time or speaking like an elderly southern woman: "Now [chile], I'm trying to recover from the day drinking!" But once you get past that, I find his most embarrassing moment hilarious: "When I was stranded on a toilet for hours in 5th grade." Tell me everything, I'm dying for more Dig-Diggy-deets!

Now, where I could have used less information is in his "fun story about a one night stand" answer. Diggy explains that he spent all day with a young lady, then she came home with him and they had sex. Then she got a text that her brother was missing, "so I played asleep so I didn't have to help!" Hey Digs, wtf? That girl just gave you her special wonder gift and waited for you during your hours of patented Diggy Toilet Time—help her find her damn brother! [Ed. Note: They better fucking put that one-night-stand question in the next women's questionnaire or I swear…I have no threat. I will watch this show until the day it kills me. But I WILL make a note of it!]

Bryan—Chiropractor, 37

Thirty-seven?! Get it, Bryan! Bryan is cute and a little shifty, and not just because he's a chiropractor (ed. note: sick chiropractor burn from someone who has never, not once, been to a chiropractor). For example, when asked to list his three best attributes, Bryan replies, "Affectionate/passionate, personable/charming/funny, kind/good heart." Bryan. You can't just use slashes and act like that isn't seven attributes! Affectionate and passionate are not even remotely synonyms, and if they were, you could just say one. But Bry-Guy fits in all those great attributes, and then one more: Bryan's favorite flower…is an orchid. Haaaaave ya met Bryan? He loves vaginas!

Bryce—Firefighter, 30

We're all on the same page that Bryce is an animated character of some kind, right? Like…he's that thing where a cartoon Easter Bunny turns into a human man and is debatably hot, right? Also, "a fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightening" is an incredible way to describe yourself as a lover, right? In return, Bryce only asks that his mate have "eyes you could drown in and a smile that insults the sun." I'm gonna be so mad when Bryce is totally boring and gets eliminated the first night, because describing handwritten letters as "one of the purest forms of materialized emotion" is just really not a diction rollercoaster I expected to take in the Bachelorette Bio Breakdown.

Fred—Executive Assistant, 27

"My greatest achievement is attending two graduate school program from two different universities simultaneously and graduating from both in the same weekend." Fred says he wants to be Ellen for a day, but he is, in fact, living the life of Hermoine with a Time-Turner. Fred also has the single most question-inducing answer of all the 31 men. When asked if he's ever been turned on at the wrong time, he responds, "Yes, there are times that I get aroused at work and I have to go back to my desk to avoid being noticed." Fred, "times?" How frequently this happening? And why is it always happening away from your desk? Where are you going in your office as an executive assistant that's constantly giving you boners? Are you the executive assistant at PornHub? Is everyone at PornHub constantly having to watch you erection-dash back to your desk: "Uh oh, looks like Fred angled his dangle by the fish tank again." I got my eye on your, Fred.

Kenny—Professional Wrestler, 35

I have it on good authority that Kenny is actually a fairly well-known wrestler, and it is my own personal opinion that Kenny contains multitudes. He has a daughter who he speaks of very sweetly, his favorite book is The New Jim Crow, and he once sent a woman a different edible arrangement for a week. Please don't be a dick, Kenny.

He also thinks he and The Rock are "very much alike," which, I get it—I want to think I'm the most charming, beloved man in the world too. But I'm not the Rock, and neither is Kenny. If he's anywhere close though, I demand he be the next Bachelor. And if not, I propose Kenny be cross-network drafted into The Challenge in what I am calling a "reverse-Miz."

Lucas—Whaboom, 30

Hey Lucas, real quick, what the hell. I don't know if you noticed, but everybody this season has 1950s jobs: doctor, lawyer…professional wrestler. You can't just make a made-up word your profession. You also can't say that your ideal mate would be four different animated characters—Belle, Cinderella, Little Mermaid, and Jessica Rabbit—three of whom I'm pretty sure are teenagers. In the very weird Facebook Live Chris Harrison did, he described Whaboom for the confused listener: "It's a lifestyle. It's an essence. It's who he is. It's a noun, it's a verb, it's an adverb. You can be Whaboom, you can be Whaboomed, and you can Whaboom." Hey Chris Harrison, you know what else is a lifestyle? Zippin' it.

Jonathan—Tickle Monster, 31

Which brings us to Jonathan and his stab at being the person with a weird job—sorry bro, who could have known Lucas was going to swoop in with Whaboom, spawning, like, 100 Bustle posts. Like "Twins" and "Dog Lover" before him, Jonathan has given himself an occupation that is not a thing, but my assumption is he's a pediatrician or something. Either that, or he, a.) plays the Cookie Monster on Sesame Street and auto correct really did a number on him, b.) is a real creep. Jonathan does go on to specify that he usually lasts a long time in the bedroom…"in a good way." But when your profession is Tickle Monster, "a good way" really starts to feel relative.

I truly could not have made this joke better myself than this person on The Bachelorette Facebook page:

Blake K—U.S. Marine Veteran, 29

Blake K is very cute and very basic, and Rachel should marry him and have very beautiful children together. The man would want Chipotle on the desert island that exists only in these questionnaires; he loves The Rock and Shark Week; he admires his mom more than anyone else in the world, and his ideal mate has a great smile. Blake K will get voted off the first night or he will win, there is no in between.

Jack Stone—Attorney, 32

Finally, Jack Stone. Jack Stone gives exactly no explanation for why he is going by Jack Stone, and his job is listed as "attorney," not "super-secret antihero agent played by Matt Damon and/or Liam Neeson," so I'm at a loss. There are no other Jacks. No one else lists a last name. Is it a double name? If he gets eliminated before we find out, I will never forgive Rachel…and neither will Jack Stone. Jack Stone has a very particular set of skills, Rachel. Skills he's acquired over a long career. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like the Rachelorette. If you let him stay until the second cocktail party, that'll be the end of it. He will not look for you, he will not pursue you, but if you don't, he will look for you…he will find you and he will kill you.

Best of luck to you, Rachel. I hope none of these weirdos try to wear you like a coat or have a threesome with a couch or make you bounce with them in a moonwalk castle, or whatever. See you back here, friends, for intermittent recaps that will absolutely never be posted in a timely manner. Because I would do anything for you, dear reader—but I won't do that.

#the bachelorette #the bachelorette recap

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trendingnewsb · 7 years ago

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What We’re Still Not Teaching Kids About Consent

If I’m remembering correctly, sex ed in the ’80s consisted of the following lessons:

— First grade: Tell someone if a grownup (who isn’t a doctor) touches your private parts

— Fifth grade: You’re going to bleed from your private parts one day, catch these free diaper-sized maxi pads as we lob them at your head

— Tenth grade: You know what sex is, right? Don’t do that unless you like making babies. And if you’re going to have sex, wear a condom because of AIDS. Good luck!