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aparticularbandit · 2 months ago

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Hands Off The Merchandise

Summary: Miu inherits her father's mansion. Complete with a maid who refuses to be fired. Unfortunately.

For DR WLWeek 2024: Prompt Two: Trapped.

Rating: M because Miu comes with an M rating just by nature of her character.

AO3

“Hey, Kirumi?”

“Yes, Ms.Iruma.”

“Ugh, how many times do I have to fucking tell you? Call me Miu. You don’t have to be so fucking formal!”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma.”

“!!!!”

Her father told her to keep her hands off the merchandise.

Miu thought that was a stupid thing to say the first time she heard it, because she’s never once been concerned about people keeping their hands off of her merchandise, but it was the last thing he ever said to her, so that means it was important.

Probably.

She didn’t even need his crappy ass mansion, or his butlers and maids and what all the fuck he had, because he’d basically thrown her and her mom out of the house a gazillion years ago. The only reason he’d gotten in contact with her again was because she’d made a name for herself, and somehow that made her fucking worthy of his fucking attention, like she gave a single flying fuck.

But he’d named her his heir, which meant she had to take care of all his fucking bullshit, like he couldn’t have fucking taken care of that himself before popping off, or he couldn’t have his best maid ever TM take care of it for him, or something that meant that she didn’t personally have to manhandle all of his fucking wank—

She trashed the mansion before she sold it.

And then the sale fell through because she fucking trashed it.

So she tore the shitty ass tribute to his fucking everything down to the ground and built her own dream on top of it. It’s not like the location itself was shit. There was a lake over there with a pretty cool cave behind its waterfall (just like in every video game ever), and sometimes it was nice to just sit and think there while the water pounded her—

It’d be better if there was a hot spring so she could get all hot and—

She fired the butlers. And the maids. And everyone her father thought was necessary to keep his fucking domain going. Because she could just make her own creatures or whatever to keep the grounds nice, if she wanted, and she definitely didn’t need all those fucking people around all the fucking time. They would fuck with her vibes!

Except that was really fucking lonely.

So she kept one of them around.

….

More like she wouldn’t fucking leave when Miu fired her, like she couldn’t be fired or whatever the fuck, so.

….

Keep your hands off the merchandise.

Like anybody other than Miu would want to be called that.

Fucking asshole.

“Why are you even fucking here?”

“Your father requested my service.”

“Yeah, well he’s fucking dead, and I don’t need it, so—”

“He paid me well in advance.”

“So take the money and fucking run! I don’t want you here!”

At first, Miu thought Kirumi was specifically attached to the mansion. Destroying the mansion proved that idea wrong.

Then, Miu thought Kirumi was attached to the land. She couldn’t sell it anymore, not without selling her new laboratory and the whole set-up, but she took off and roamed the world for a bit. Said something about needing new ideas and did that thing you do with pet dogs sometimes – told her not to follow her. But it didn’t fucking matter what she said – Kirumi was already there. Ahead of her. Like she knew just where Miu was going to be.

It was so fucking frustrating!

Miu made a robomaid once just to piss her off.

It didn’t work. Both because it didn’t piss Kirumi off and also because it didn’t actually work. Broke down in, like, five minutes. Something about all the shit she has all over the lab making it unsuitable for cleaning. Which is total bullshit. The lab’s not supposed to be clean! The robomaid should know better than that! UGH.

Maybe being a good maid is harder than she thought.

But it’s just keeping stuff clean, isn’t it?

And doing the laundry, which Miu could totally do by herself. Or make something to do for her; it’s not like modifying an existing machine is hard – she could do it in her sleep! …once she finishes the invention that lets her invent stuff in her sleep. Look, it’s harder than it looks!

And cooking, but Miu could just use a microwave, so that’s fine. And tea, but they make good kettles for that, and she’s smart enough to not burn her tongue anymore. And hot chocolate, which, fine, Kirumi makes the really good homemade stuff on the stovetop, but if she left a recipe, Miu could totally invent something that would do it just as good!

….

Probably!

…okay, so maybe having Kirumi around doesn’t suck ass. Also, she’s kind of pretty. She’s not the gorgeous girl genius by any means, but. She’s not. horrible. to look at.

And if Miu is completely honest with herself, there are moments where she’s spent way too long in the laboratory where gorgeous shouldn’t apply to her by any stretch of the imagination. She will never admit that. But it’s true.

The nice thing about Kirumi is that she never acts like she smells bad. She treats her like a normal person! Which! She is!

….

Miu hates it here.

“Kirumi….”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma?”

“…why don’t you ever call me Miu? I’ve told you a thousand times! Do you just, what, not like calling people by the names they want to be called? That’s real shitty of you, Kirumi. You should be a better—”

“It provides professional distance, Ms. Iruma.”

“...oh.”

Keep your hands off the merchandise, like Kirumi was just some thing to be bought!

You can’t just buy people!

That’s a whole other kind of service, and Miu’s pretty sure Kirumi’s not into that sort of thing.

….

She should ask, right? She should totally ask.

Not because she’ll do anything, but—

“You didn’t fuck my dad, did you?”

“Excuse me?”

“I-I-I m-m-mean. Um. I didn’t—”

“….”

“S-s-sorry for asking, you don’t have to look at me like that, I didn’t mean it, I just—”

It’s so….

It feels like she’s tied up.

And not in the good way.

Not in the way she likes.

Or, at least, she assumes she likes. She’s never actually tried it. But it looks like something she might like if she did try it. If she found someone worth trying it with.

Not the point.

Get on track, Miu! Get it together!

“Kirumi?”

“Yes, Ms. Iruma?”

“Do you…like me?”

“As much as I’ve liked any of my masters.”

“….”

“You don’t have to flush every time I call you that.”

“I-I-I know that! See, this is why I want you to call me Miu! Then it wouldn’t be a distraction!”

“Am I a distraction, Ms. Iruma?”

“Um.”

Miu’s trapped, really. It’s not like she can tell Kirumi she likes her! Because what if she only likes Kirumi because she’s her maid? That’s kind of gross. Unless Kirumi likes that. In which case, it’s not gross.

But she can’t tell if Kirumi likes her either! Maybe she’s just another master!

So!

So she needs to fire her.

That’s the only way to fix this, right? To approach each other as equals?

How can she make Kirumi believe that, though? It’s never worked before!

Maybe if—

“Ms. Iruma.”

“Huh?”

“It would be to your benefit to put clothes on.”

“What? Is this gorgeous bod bothering you?”

“No. I simply believe that engaging in your projects in the nude will not end the way you want.”

“And what way would that— OW. OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.”

She gives up.

She’s the most gorgeous girl genius in the entire fucking world, but she’s an inventor, she’s not a people person, and she can’t fucking get Kirumi Tojo to fucking quit. Or be fired! She won’t even be fired!

This is so un—

“Ms. Iruma.”

“Huh?”

“Do you really want me to leave?”

“Yeah. I think you’re a shit maid, and I could do all of this just fine on my own. You’re fucking useless.”

“Do you really?”

No.

“Y-y-yeah.”

Kirumi leaves.

Which Miu didn’t want, but she did, but she didn’t.

There’s so much trash in the lab by the end of the first day that she determines to make a better robomaid who can actually clean the lab.

No better time like the present, yeah?

Three weeks later, with a cup of noodles in one hand and a fork halfway to her mouth (and an untold amount of empty ones scattered across her desk and the floor and…a lot of other places), there comes a knock at the front door. Notably, Miu can’t hear the knock, because she’s deep in her lap inventing something, but the camera at the front takes a quick snapshot and blows it up big all over her screen, which makes her stop. Blink twice. And then race to the front door without even putting the fork in her mouth or putting the cup of noodles down.

(She sniffs her armpits before she opens the door and winces. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.)

“Kirumi!”

Miu opens the door and leans up against the frame before realizing how rancid she smells and immediately putting her arm down. “Missed me, did you?”

Kirumi’s gaze lands on the cup of noodles.

Miu throws the cup of noodles and the fork over her shoulder.

Kirumi’s gaze follows the cup and the fork.

“I’ll, uh. I’ll just pick that up….” Miu walks away, brushing her sticky – why is it sticky – hair out of her face. She takes a deep breath, her shoulders collapsing. She didn’t think Kirumi would actually come back. She can’t ask her out like this! >.>;;;;;;;

Kirumi places a hand on Miu’s shoulder and bends down next to her. “Let me.”

“No, no, no, no, no!” Miu slaps Kirumi’s hand away. “Nope, nuh-uh! You finally left! You’re not gonna be my maid again! Even if…even if I’m shit at this, I don’t want you to do it for me!”

“Miu.”

Miu flushes a bright red.

“Let me. do it. for you.”

“O…okay.” Miu glances up but avoids meeting Kirumi’s eyes.

“And go take a shower. Then we can discuss our continuing arrangement.”

“Our what?”

Kirumi reaches out, takes Miu’s chin in her hands, and lifts it so that their eyes meet. “Our continuing arrangement.”

Miu swallows. Nods. “Okay,” she whispers.

Miu learns, eventually, that she does, in fact, like being tied up.

As long as she knows she can get out of the knots whenever she wants.

At least her hands aren't the ones on the merchandise.

#bandit fic #danganwlweek2024 #danganronpa #drv3 #irumi #miu iruma #kirumi tojo #this is /not/ the way i saw it in my head #and i'm /not/ particularly happy with how it's turned out #but it's /done/ and that's the /point/#i actually visualized a bit of it more from kirumi's pov so like #-sighs-#alas #maybe i'll go back and expand on it later #idk

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