#rly made so much pile up :'( im so sorry ]

[magnoliamyrrh]

Hey, sorry, just adding on to the pile of stories from the Balkans. I also grew up with family groping me and being uncomfortable with it, but never being allowed to say anything against it. My mother and father often made sexual comments about me, or when I went through puberty they would occasionally grab at my breasts and butt and comment on them. It's mostly stopped now, thankfully. It always felt so invasive and in general I hated how much focus there was on if I was growing up beautiful or not. My grandparents often did so as well. Whenever I would try to make any of them stop, show discomfort, or have a negative reaction I would get treated as if there was something wrong with me and I was being rude. Looking back I can't believe just how much we have made this sort of behavior normal. Ugh. Family members should not be calling children sexy under any circumstances. There is no possible reason for there to be discussion around a kids genitals. This should not be normal and so many of us shouldn't have stories like this. I'm glad to hear other's speak of it but it has made me so disgusted. We really are taught to ignore any bounderies

heyo anon <3 no need to apologize. yea its.. jfc. this whole thing has left me disgusted too. and frankly, baffled. i just feel so baffled. i keep trying to wrap my head around all of it, try to make some damn sense of how and why, and yet all it leads me too is just.... bafflement and being grossed out. when i asked on here if anyone knew what i was talking about i was not expecting this many ppl to get it. i wasnt sure if anyone would get it

im sorry u went through this, it really is a fucked up way to grow up. and the gaslighting that goes on - bc i rly do think thats what it is - tends to rly mess with your head. its immensely messed up that somehow in all this its children who keep being blamed and made to feel bad for.. v much having normal reactions to things. its a very jarring feeling to know something is just.. wrong. and not be allowed to feel that way. im sorry again that you were put through this, tho i am glad its no longer going on; i hope eventually you'll be able to heal from it all <3

and youre right. were very much taught to not have any sort of bounderies with our bodies. weather its this shit or the beatings or generally being treated as if were property, were really raised to not have much of a say.... it sets a very bad precedent and teaches a very bad and dangerous lesson

i was thinking abt this last night actually. when i was around seven or eight i would spend a lot of time with my cousin at my uncles house. he was some years older than me, by five i think. we used to get along well because i was a tomboy and he didn't make fun of me for it, he liked it. but i remember this one time he started showing me sexual games on the computer they had, some game in which you would give virtual money to a woman to see more of her naked, and it just made me feel so gross. i never looked at him the same, i felt he thought women were just pieces of meat. other times i remember laying in bed with him and he would want me to show him what's under my clothes, though he never took it further than that i don't think. he would occasionally grope at me but basically everyone did that anyway. i remember being upset with him, and him taking me to the candy shop down the street to make up for it

i always wondered if he had been abused first because i found out later his dad had molested another family member of mine. but looking back maybe it was the things he saw on the internet or from other boys. anyway, i tried to tell my mother and grandmother about it but they never took it seriously. never even scolded him. "boys will be boys" mentality and i was told i was being dramatic and shouldn't take it to heart because it's normal for boys to do things like that sometimes. it was normal to be felt up by family in general i guess bc. idk this culture is a fucking nightmare sometimes. now when i see him we just pretend it never happened i guess. it really is fucked up how much this sort of behavior is normalized, excused, and frankly defended at the expense of the saftey and comfort of kids... like what lesson does this teach other than, its ok to let people do whatever they may please with you, regardless of how much you dont like it? it must be some form of grooming i swear to god

[deadlockled]

oh my god....i have 125 things in my inbox w-would anyone be angry with me if i deleted very old stuff that i cant figure out what they’re even from or have no muse for ??

oh gosh....i feel terrible but pls don’t hesitate to send new things in for me if i didn’t end up answering things before i rly didn’t mean to let things pile so much but that depressive episode i had dragged on for so long n then i was sick n hh im so sorry im rly sorry !!

[medieval-canadian]

Hello :) would you happen to have any tips/resources for people with adhd who are behind on work and NEED to get stuff done? It's the holidays but I have a big research paper due in 2 weeks and I haven't done a thing, it's making my life miserable worrying 24/7 about it 😭

oh man. oh babe. im so sorry you’re in this situation, and also i have no idea when you sent this and therefore no clue if im responding in a timely manner or not, but i totally 100% feel you because i was doing the same (worse) with the grading i dragged forEVER and also now im in a very very similar boat with my special fields prep. so this may end up being a useful exercise for me, too.

i guess my top tips would be:

1. take one day fully off. not off by virtue of the fact that i made no progress even though i tried (no matter if “tried” looks nothing like trying from an outside perspective, we know it’s not that simple). just. off. you are not supposed to do any work on the thing today. today you are going to wash your piled up dirty clothes (and if you’re feeling ambitious maybe even FOLD IT and PUT IT AWAY!!) (i have literally never done those things all on the same day though so like. no pressure). or whatever other thing is staring at you from its pile of filth. have a meal. take some naps. rest a bit, guilt-free.

2. once you’ve had your day off, sit down and make a list. making that list may start with looking up other lists (WITH A TIME LIMIT I.E., A LOUD OBNOXIOUS TIMER. if u have a mac look up the nag timer app). basically every time i have to write a research paper, i have to look up a step-by-step on how to write a research paper. that’s (for me) often the first obstacle--i can’t start because i don’t remember how to write a research paper, so how the fuck would i know where to start? now that you’ve got a step-by-step guide (or four), combine/customize them into your own list. my version of the list often has way more detailed steps than any of the ones i looked up.

2b. that list may look like: -turn on computer -open word doc -set up MLA formatting -pull out syllabus/assignment description -choose prompt/topic/text (30 mins) -open google & search basic terms (15 mins) -open library website and search terms (20 mins) -open google scholar and search terms (15 mins) -etc.

***N.B. i don’t know what discipline you’re working in so like, keep in mind i’ve only ever written literature research essays.

***also, it’s pretty important to try to set those time limits; use timers. if you really need more time, you can set the timer again, but having the buzzer go off helps you to pause and evaluate: do i really need to go down this rabbithole? do i need to spend more time searching for a source to support my claim that Irish independence happened in 1923 when i just wasted like 3 hours on that? or can i just assume that that’s common knowledge in the course on the Irish Literary Revival? (true story) (why that was so hard for me to find i cannot say but it was and i couldn’t get my brain unstuck from it until i got really pissed off and was like “FUCK THIS” and then thought, wait why am i bothering)

3. take a break--go for a walk, play with your pet, slice an apple for a snack. REFILL YOUR WATER (if you haven’t been drinking up till now, drain the bottle THEN refill it) (i always forget to drink and it’s WILD how much that will mess up your workflow)

4. consider playing pretend--it may sound silly/stupid/i haven’t done that since grade school, kat, what the fuck are you talking about, but honestly sometimes it works! pretend you’re your fave character lost in a research binge (i rly like stiles from teen wolf, okay, and it’s the perfect vibe for getting into it). pretend you’re a big important researcher whose findings could change the field forever and they are desperately needed PRONTO. etc.

5. if all else fails, ask for an extension if you can!

[strangeradventuresofp]

must have been the wind (five x reader)

A/N : this is HEAVILY inspired by alec benjamin’s song lol if u havent listened to it i suggest u do its so good also five is aged up, 18 as always unless otherwise specified !! hope u enjoy loves<3

Five often roamed the halls of the Umbrella Academy mansion. Probably to remind himself that it wasn’t going to collapse anymore, after him and his siblings managed to stop the apocalypse. It was still so surreal to him, and he really didn’t have much of a clue of what to do with his life, so, he just moped around the various, decked out corridors, unsure of what his purpose was. Mostly, he spent his time in the kitchen or at Griddy’s, either drinking coffee or alcohol. Not so much alcohol anymore; after you shared your dismay with him he -mostly- cut it all out. And, of course, Five spent a fair amount of time with you. He had taken a special liking to you after his brothers, Klaus and Diego, had found you trying to run away from someone in your past. They had brought you here to look after you and keep you safe. This obviously led to you being very close with the two men, and evidently, the rest of the Hargreeves as well. They acted as if they were your big siblings, which you were incredibly appreciative of, as you had never really had a strong bond with your own family. 

Your bond with Five, however, was different. You liked him, and he liked you. Various flirty comments had been made between the two of you, but neither of you ever admitted you liked each other. In fact, you both acted as if you had absolutely zero interest in ever being with each other, but everyone knew that wasn’t true. You had taught him how to make coffee just how he liked it, after he begged you six times a day to brew him some more. You liked to think it was just so he could hang out with you, but you knew that black coffee was his one true love. It wasn’t terribly unlikely though, Five did everything he could to hang out with you.

It was a particularly stormy Monday, and it wasn’t unusual that you and Five were the only two in the house. Luther had accompanied Allison on her shopping trip. Diego was probably trying to fight crime again. Vanya was at violin rehearsal, and nobody ever knew where Klaus was unless he was present in the house. Five was messing with the things on the table in the lobby before he heard a glass smash in one of the bedrooms above him. His brows furrowed in concern and curiousness. He quietly made his way up the stairs, meanwhile hearing gentle sobs coming from your bedroom.

You quickly wiped your face, and turned around to face the open door, with Five stood in the space.

“Y/N? I heard some noises when I was downstairs, I was just wondering if you’re okay?” As you smiled, Five studied your face, noticing how puffy your eyes were, and how red your face was, frowning.

“I think your ears are playing tricks on you. Thanks for caring, Five, it’s really nice of you. I wish I could tell you about the noise, but I.. I didn’t hear a thing. It must have been the wind.” Five didn’t believe a word of what you said, and frowned, eyebrows knitted together in an attempt to figure you out. “Sorry, Five, but I would really like to be on my own right now.” You smiled apologetically before closing your door, leaving him stood outside it, taken aback. Suddenly, a blue flash appeared and Five was stood back in your bedroom.

“Y/N-”

“Are you kidding me? I just told you I wanted to be alone.”

“I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong.”

“What’s your problem, Five?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because I want to be alone, like I said!” You knew his intentions were good, but it made you upset that he didn’t respect your wishes first time around. He opened his mouth to speak as you pushed him out of your bedroom and closed the door once again. He sighed, and decided he wouldn’t try again, even though he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you so upset, on your own.

A few moments later you heard the front door open and close, looking out of your window to see him leaving, presumably to get himself a coffee. Even though you had taught him months ago, he still insisted that you make it, because ‘yours just tastes better’. 

It wasn’t long before Five found himself inside the doughnut shop, wanting a black coffee, as always. He was surprised to see his brother, Number Four, already sat at the counter.

“Hey, hey. Ben’s sat there.” Five sighed and took the seat the other side of Klaus and put his head in his hands. “What’s up, brother?”

“Y/N’s upset, and I don’t know why. And I don’t know how to help. And she won’t let me talk to her because she wants to be alone,”

“You gotta respect that she wants some alone time. Try talking to her later.”

“But she’s partly upset with me. I made her mad earlier and I just-” Five sighed, trying to find the right words. “It makes my heart ache to know that she’s upset. It’s like the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And I don’t know how to make her feel better.”

“Just buy her flowers or.. Or a doughnut or something, I don’t know. Just do something that she’ll like.”

“But how am I supposed to-”  As Klaus looked to the side, he saw a quick blue flash and noticed his brother was no longer sat beside him.

“Thanks, Klaus. No problem, Five!” He sighed and looked at Ben. “I don’t get enough credit form you people.”

~~~

A few hours and a hundred tears later, you heard gentle knocking on the wooden door. You mumbled a ‘Come in’ and opened your eyes to see Five stood by your bed, which you were curled up in, holding a cup in one hand and a bag in the other. He noticed your eyes hadn’t gotten any less puffy, and suspected that you had continued crying after he had left your room.

“What do you want, Five?”

“I brought you doughnuts. And some hot cocoa, with marshmallows. I tried to make it how you like it, but you’re always better at that sort of stuff.” He grinned sheepishly as he put them down on your bedside table, and you felt the bed dip as he took a seat beside you. You sat up to face him, frowning.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I also bought a few movies I know you really like. I thought we could watch them.”

“We? You don’t like any of the movies I like.”

“I know but.. I thought you might want some company. And I want to apologize for, you know, earlier. I overstepped and I shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry.” As you looked at him, you noticed a shy smile on his face, that brought out his dimple. You smiled, pulling him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around gently, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Five.” You placed a gentle kiss to cheek, causing both you and him to gain red cheeks. Five pressed his lips to yours almost immediately, unable to hold his feelings for you any longer. Your mouths moved with each other rhythmically, and as you smiled against his lips, his hand reached up to cup your cheek. The kiss lasted a few minutes before the two of you pulled away from each other, your forehead leaning against his.

“Put the damn movie on.” Smiling, you pushed him away, making room for him on your bed while he started the movie up. He sat beside you, his arm gently rested on your shoulders. You hugged around his waist, listening to his heartbeat. Kissing your forehead, he moved the hair out of your face.

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be crying so much. I won’t ask what’s wrong, but I’m always here for you, Y/N. You can tell me anything. Nothing could ever make me think any less of you.” Once again, your lips collided, moving with each other in sync, huffing when he pulled away from you, earning a quiet chuckle from his parted lips.

“Five?” He hummed in response. “What are we?” Your eyes met his as his brows furrowed.

“I don’t know.” You sighed, hoping for a better answer, before he opened his mouth once again. “I like you.”

“I like you too.”

“Be my girlfriend.”

“Okay.” Snuggling more into him, you felt him plant a kiss to your temple and you grinned. 

~~~

“Hey! Guys, you gotta see this! Five and Y/N are spooning!” Klaus shouted to the rest of the house, stood in the doorway of your door.

“Klaus, what are you doing?” Five rubbed his eyes, propping himself up on his elbow, feeling you stir in his sleep beside him. Other footsteps could be heard coming down the corridor as the other siblings piled into the doorway.

“Little Number Five and Y/N.. Who would’ve thought?” Klaus placed his hands on his heart, grinning at you and the boy.

“Um.. Everybody?” Allison giggled as the others in the doorway laughed. Five shushed his siblings, gesturing to you. “Okay, okay. Let’s leave them alone.” Very quickly, the doorway became empty, and the door became closed again, and Five lay back down, facing you, smiling at how adorable you looked.

“Mm.. Five, what are you doing?” Your heavy eyelids pulled themselves open to look at your boyfriend, watching him smile at you.

“You’re just beautiful.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.” The ends of his lips turned up into a smirk and he kissed you quickly, before pulling away and grinning cheekily. “Make me a coffee?”

my masterlist

A/N : hiihi thanks 4 reading ! i actually rly like this and im proud of it so i hope u guys like it too and i hope u all have a lovely day<3

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

[unproduciblesmackdown]

The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly. 

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

[shiggycore]

im going 2 rewrite my two quirk ideas so i have them down somewhere. ive talked about them b4 a lot in the past so if you have been following me 4 a while u might remember these???? anyways the two quirk ideas are internal rapturing and purpose manipulation. putting it under read more bc shes a long one lol

edit: i removed read more bc i realized my blog isnt user freindly nd its hard to read on there sry for long post ahead 

if u read this pls give me ur thoughts nd criticisms !! i wanna improve these quirks i just dont know how to! 

I was thinking internal rapturing could be a villian quirk? since its a pretty gorey one and i doubt UA would allow students with partularily deadly quirks to join since well, people could die. Plus the enterance exams wouldnt even allow someone with that type of quirk to even pass, or even if they do pass because of pure strength, they will never get the chance to show off their quirk since its so deadly and gorey.

Anyways, internal rupturing is exactly what it sounds like????  its kind of like shigaraki quirk in that you cannot turn it off, and there isnt a way to reverse it once its been put to use. basically, if you have this quirk, anything you touch (Assuming its a living thing with like flesh and bones nd stuff) (it doesnt work on nonliving things or plants) will like basically melt. BUT like, only on the inside. so like if your fighting this dude nd they touch u, almost instantly ur insides turn to mush and you die and all thats left is a pile of skin and hair with melted human goo everywhere. its so gross. i love it. its literally disgusting. despite the fact you cant turn it off or reverse it, you can focus it to a certain part of someones body. so like if you get touched by the quirkholder of this quirk, you are not always going to be a dead man. if you have this quirk and you just focus your thinking to a certain part of someones body, you can only mess them up in that body part. however if you dont focus your mind, then like they just die. its so gruesome nd icky nd i love it. 

the next quirk,purpose manipulation. that could be either a hero or a villain quirk ngl. its pretty versatile nd it mostly depends on the quirk holder themselves and not so much the quirk. 

basically this quirk gives the quirkholder the ability to change what something is meant to do. this could mean you can change what organic or inorganic matter can do or was originally made to do. in my case, its either or. like you can either change organic matter only or change only inorganic matter. but like TECHNICALLY this quirk could work for both at once but then thats just going to be too OP imo....

the best way 2 explain this quirk is like how my man edward elric was change his automail into like anything he wants rly ? thats basically this. like if you touch yourself or someone else, you can change what that body part is supposed to do. you can change it in minor ways, like making yourself stronger by adding more muslce or making someone weaker by taking away muscle. but you can also shape shift parts of your body or other parts of other peoples bodies. 

this could also would on quirks, though maybe for the sake of this character it wouldnt be like dang...op much? but IF it could work on quirks, it would give the quirkholder the ability to change how someone elses quirk would work. of course it would be hard to do this on people whos quirks have long range attacks because in order for this quirk to even work you have to be able to touch the other person. 

this quirk could ALSO work in a more...abstract way? in which instead of phsycial changes or changes to inorganic things, you can have the ability to change someones outcome. its like if nighteye had a second part of this quirk, one where he can see future outcomes and one part where he could change it. though this would be a hard quirk to write if this was the case because then the character would have to know premptively how something will work and then change it before. becuse you cant change the past unless it has time traveling properties????? but thats....too much....nd its hurting my head.

anyways i think this is all i have for these quirks right now. sorry for long post lol im jsut rly bnha on main rn 

[birdy-babe]

Burned Out Chapter 3

Summary: Roman makes some changes...Patton’s emotions finally explode

Warnings: UHHH nothing rly, crying? angst?

Pairings: Platonic Royality (Or romantic if you want it), Platonic LAMP! Maybe eventual Logince or something idk

Word count: 2116 (Sorry its short!)

Note: Lmao I wanna say that im 100% not gonna make Logan and Virgil seem evil and I apologize if I have. Logan I find is very...self centered in a way that he isnt aware of other peoples feelings and he thinks he is always correct. Virgil however...he more, doesn’t know how to deal with it? And he doesn’t understand the capacity of his words/actions bc he thinks Roman can handle it. They aren’t terrible- they will start to be nicer :)

ALso thank you for all the positive feedback!! It makes me suppper happy!!

anyway, here you go!

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

Chapter 3

Roman fell onto his couch as he resided back to his room.

He let out a sigh and stared at his ceiling, watching the bubbles float by. He reached up and played with them as he thought to himself.

"Why don't you trust me more?" He asked himself in an empty, quiet room, "All I do is fight for you..fight for your hopes and dreams. Create all you're imagination. I want to create happiness for you, not destroy everything you’ve ever wanted" he tells the silence in his room. Roman let out a loud sigh as he sat up.

"Maybe I should just duck out... It seems all I am doing is hurting you" he tells himself and glanced around his room. "I'm nothing but childish imagination, and you're an adult now. You have no time for silly things like me" he stood up in frustration. He looked around the room. It was covered in Disney posters, colorful paintings, and family photos of the sides. Roman looked down at his transparent hands.

He sucked in a breath- he knew exactly what this meant. The creative side raised his hand so it was in front of his face. Roman could faintly see through his hand. The bubbles floated by and provided a glow that just drifted through what used to be solid.

He focused on what was behind his hand, spotting a photo across the room. He let his hand slowly fall as he stared at it. Roman let out a breath, taking one foot after the other until he stood in front of the photo.

The photo showed Roman surrounded by all the people he loved. His right arm was slung around Virgil's shoulders as Virgil let a small smile appear on his face. His left arm was wrapped around Patton; the moral side hugged Roman around the neck while laughing. Logan stood next to Patton, a hand on Patton's back as he subtly smiled at the camera. Deceit stood too the side, beside Virgil with a small grin and a wave- he didn't like to be touched often. Remy was even in this one- he peaked above Roman and Patton giving a peace-sign to the camera. Thomas was the one who took the photo, so he was absent but he was there in thought.

Roman felt a knot in his throat and a rock in his stomach. He came to a realization. He ran his hand over the photo nostalgically.

"Maybe I don't need to leave...maybe if I just change I wont disappear" he whispered to himself, his voice low and cracking, "I don't want to leave them.." He tells himself and glanced around the room.

He was suddenly set on a different mission. He needed to reinvent himself or else he would disappear. He didn't need to sit, wallowed up in his room until he poofed into nothingness. He didn't want to leave the people he loved the most- and if he changed so they accepted him, maybe he wouldn't have too.

He started with the posters. Roman moved around the room and took down all his Disney posters. He pulled down Mulan, Aladdin, Lion King, Beauty and The Beast, The Little Mermaid, Pinocchio, all of them. He folded them nicely and set them in a pile.

He tapped his chin as he thought about what else he needed to get rid of. He pulled down all his meaningless paintings- which was most of them. He left up a few that were simple and fit the room well. He piled the paintings up next to the posters.

Roman bit his lip and thought for a moment, closing his eyes and raising his hand. He breathed heavily as he concentrated- using his mind to change the structure of his room. His brain started to go on overdrive.

Roman suddenly gasped, opening his eyes as he felt himself fall over out of mental exhaustion. He scrambled to catch himself, grabbing onto the arm of a chair to stop himself from completely falling on his face.

He breathed heavily, his limbs felt weak and his eyes felt tired. He shook his head to try to wake himself up a bit more. He knew he needed to stop doing that so much; he knew it was bad for him. Yet he was satisfied with the result.

The walls were no longer red and gold and instead was a nice coffee color. The floor was no longer covered in paint and other stains. It was a soft, comfortable white carpet. He looked at the furniture. Instead of having it all red and royalty-like, the couches and chairs were a simple black and the tables were sleek white with glass on stop. It still looked nice and expensive- yet just more simple. More calming.

The place where his unfinished paintings were stacked next to his easel and paints was now replaced with a desk with papers instead of canvases and pencils instead of brushes. A laptop sat on the desk.

Roman smiled at it. It was so incredibly simple and not creative at all but Roman knew it would be a good change. Sure it made him uncomfortable, it was no where near his style, and he hated it but...if it kept him from disappearing he would do anything.

Roman decided he wanted to show the other sides, despite how tired he was. He was suddenly so excited about them seeings it- seeing how much he has matured. He let out a small squeal, "They are going to love it!" He clapped his hands.

Roman was about to sink out when he glanced into the mirror. He immediately stopped and looked down at his outfit. He couldn’t wear this silly thing anymore. He needed something less...extra.

Roman thought for a moment before letting out a small gasp. He excitedly spun in a circle. Suddenly his prince outfit disappeared and in its spot was a white button up with his logo on the shoulders. His pants were now all red and his shirt was tucked into them. To top it off, a pair of golden suspenders went around his shoulders.

He grinned at himself, "Now I'm ready!"

He sunk out

"Greetings, friendos!" Roman greeted as he appeared in the shared mindpalace.

Logan looked up from the book he had his nose in, Virgil continued to nod his head as he listened to music on the couch, and Patton was too engrossed in Steven Universe.

Logan cringed a little bit, “Please not so loud, I do have a headache from today and I’m trying to focus my attention to my book” He requested.

Roman took a moment to wonder how Logan- an imaginary figment inside someones head- had a headache. He decided not to think about it too much to refrain from also- giving himself a headache.

“Sorry to interrupt, Siri. I just wish to show you all something I have fabulously done!” He tells the group just as proudly but with less volume this time.

Logan’s nose was already back in his book, so he just let out a hum. Virgil glanced at him but didn’t respond as his headphones covered his ears.

Roman’s prideful attitude plummeted, “Hello? Greetings? Yes I am talking to all of you commoners!” He called out playfully, stepping into the living room. He waved to Virgil who just glared and visibly showed Roman that he had turned up his music. Roman crossed his arms and glared back.

He turned to Logan with a huff, waving his hand in front of his face, “Hello? Alexa? I am speaking to you!” He calls out.

Logan slowly looked up at him and calmly set his book down on his lap, “Roman as excited as you are, I simply do not have the emotions to...give attention to whatever project you have completed now. It is later in the evening and I wish to continue to relax by reading. Perhaps you can show Patton” Logan explained and suggested. Roman frowned.

“But I want to show all of youuu!” He whined.

Logan was getting visibly irritated, “As I explained before, Roman” Logan said his name harshly, “I lack the interest you do in giving attention to you’re newest creation. Maybe later”

Roman grabbed Logan’s hand and started to attempt to pull him off the couch, “Pleaaassee Logan-!”

“Roman I do not have the time-” He raised his voice.

“But Logan I-”

“Roman! Enough!” Logan yelled and ripped his hand away. Roman let his hands drop as he went silent.

Roman felt his heart plummet as he stared at Logan. He felt anger boil in his chest.

“Whatever. Continue being an emotionless freak then” Roman spat the words at him. He saw the hurt flash across Logan’s eyes.

Roman knew his words hurt. He remembered the nights he stayed up to comfort Logan. He knew how insecure Logan was about his lack of emotions and his selfishness. He knew it all yet he spit the words anyway- just to hurt him.

Roman turned around before Logan could see the guilt in his expression.

Roman shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking out of the living room in a hurt, dreadful rage back to his room. He stopped in his tracks when he suddenly heard a voice that broke silence.

“I’ll come see it” Patton’s soft voice rang through the room.

Roman turned around slowly. Sometime in the midst of fighting with Logan, Virgil had turned down his music and taken off his headphones and Patton paused his show. Virgil was now looking back and forth from Logan to Roman with an unreadable expression. Patton stared up from where he was on the ground with a soft, sad expression.

Roman let out a sigh, “No Patton it’s fine, it is nothing impressive or-”

Patton stood up, interrupting Roman, “I don't care! I wanna see it...everything you make is impressive! No one tells you that enough!” Patton told him, a pained expression on his face.

Roman froze, confusion written all over his face. He was usually so good at reading emotions and how people felt but now he couldn’t. He didn’t know why Patton was starting to yell compliments at him while he wore a pained expression. He didn’t know why Patton was saying anything positive to him in the first place. Roman knew he had done nothing right lately.

“Patton you don’t have to say that, its hardly true and-”

Patton voice cracked, “Roman stop!” he yelled.

The room went silent.

All you could hear was the soft breaths coming from Patton as he stared at the creative side. Roman stood, shocked and confused, staring back at him. Virgil and Logan watched in confusion and surprise from their spots.

“It is true! Roman you are so valued! You make Thomas so incredibly happy. You allow him to see a brighter future and to find fun in life. You create wonderful things and everything you make is impressive and gorgeous! You are so important to Thomas and you are so important to us! We can’t be without you, Roman!” Patton’s voice was slowly becoming strained as it became obvious that he was holding back tears.

“We don’t tell you that enough..or at all! You deserve to hear how much we appreciate you because we do! And you always show us how much you value us and how much you care about us and we never return the favor!” Patton had tears in his eyes by now.

All the sides watched in awe- Patton had only gotten like this a few times before. He only did when he was feeling overwhelmed by different emotions or when he felt ignored.

Roman felt a knot in his throat as he felt like he was also going to cry hearing these things. He finally spoke up.

“Patton why-” He started to speak but Patton wasn't done.

“Because your mug is gone! I noticed that your mug is gone...and your paintings! The paintings you made and we hung in the living room have disappeared!” Patton gestured to the walls.

The three other sides looked around them and found it to be true- the paintings Roman had hung had now disappeared, leaving the walls blank and empty.

“Plus!” Patton continued, holding his tears down, “You weren’t at breakfast! Or lunch! Or dinner! You didn’t show up today when Thomas called you...you-” Patton’s tears finally over flowed.

Roman ran forward so he was in front of Patton, looking around him- trying to figure out how to comfort the boy. Roman felt terrible, he made Patton sad like this. He didn’t mean too, he just figured the other sides didn’t want him around. Roman placed a hand Patton's shoulder and looked at him. Patton hung his head.

“Patton that's hardly any reason to assume that-”

“You’re disappearing Roman…” Patton told him as he grabbed Roman’s hand and looked down at it, “Roman you’re transparent...you’re disappearing”

Note: ur welcome

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[flerpdederp]

EVERYONE'S DOING ONE SO IM GONNA DO ONE TOO I GUESS (End of year post)

HOOOOO BOY.

2018 has been ROUGH

From becoming a high schooler, to leaving my 2 best friends for good because of very veey upsetting reasons, I think it's about time I yell at the people who helped me get through this godforsaken year, and give me hope for the future.

STARTING OFF WITH:

@rogue-of-broken-time YOU BEAUTIFUL CLOCK PERSON, I LOVE YOU. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU MANAGED TO CREATE A SERVER THAT BECAME MY FAMILY. I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL THAT ONE DAY, A COUPLE MONTHS AGO YOU PRESSED THE "Create Server" BUTTON ON DISCORD IM SO FUCKING GLAD-

@isa-ghost MUM YOU PILE OF SHIT, YOUR THEORIES AND SHITPOSTS AND ART WERE SOME OF THE GREATEST INSPIRATIONS IVE HAD THIS YEAR, YOU DIPSHIT ILY, YOU ABSOLUTE G O D. ikNOW IVE BEEN A LIL BIT OF A BITCH LATELY BUT YOU'VE BEEN MORE OF A MOM THAN MY ACTUAL MUM TBH.

@lostinegomayhem DAMN YOU HYDROVERLORD, BECAUSE OF YOU IVE BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH MY WATER ABSORBING DEATH SACKS IN MY TORSO. YOU MADE ME RESPONSIBLE

ME

I CRIED LAUGHING AT YOUR GODDAMN KIDNEY THREATS/CALL OUTS AND IM SUPER HELLA GLAD TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO'S HERE FOR ME IN THAT DEPARTMENT (idk what im saying anymore rIp i just woke up)

@astralie (oh god im hoping i got the right tumblr if this aint Yin im sorry) YIIIIIIINNNN ILY ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

@here-be-becquerel BATBEC!!! YOU ABSOLUTELY AMAZING PERSON!!!!!

I STG TALKING WITH YOU MAKES ME WANT TO STAND MY ASS OUTSIDE AND TAKE ON THE FUCKING WORLD. tHANks FOR BELIEVING IN A SMOL PANDS CHILD WITH RLY BIG DREAMS, SHE APPRECIATES IT

@hypercat360

FUNFACT SIS UR NAME IS IN BIG BC YOU'VE BEEN SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE. Yelling about gay lawyer with you HAS GIVEN ME HOPE GODDAMN IT. YOU MADE ME BREAK MY EDGY AESTHETIC. I CANT WORD HOW MUHC YOU MEAN TO ME, I CANT EVEN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

IF I FORGET TO INCLUDE YOU BLAME TUMBLR I PROBABLY HAD A REALLY BIG YELL ABOUT YOU IM SORRY

I POSTED THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND IT DELETED HALF OF WHAT I WROTE FUCK

[wooahaes]

I kept wanting to message you again and again but aaah life keeps taking over >_< Anyway, as you might have guessed: it's layton anon here Did you manage to do your discussion board post or are you still on it? Hope it goes well<3 My essay is... uhm... yeah let's just say I'm working on it haha

OMG THE HAND HOLDING THING Y/N AND CHAN ARE LITERAL OTTERS THAT'S SO CUTE T-T (also istg UtS gives me so much cuddle envy I too want to sleep in a comfy cuddle pile)

same with jakob as a unit, he's just not it. But his quotes are superbe~ also yess the short, sassy quotes are so good fjdhfjh

I think you're really writing cheol so well. You found a good way to describe the dynamics between the members in general, it feels very on point to me. Sometimes it's super tiny things that make me go "oh!! that's so like them!!"

........... why did you have to say that about cheol always being in love with reader in every route why must you break my heart in this way (but also him putting her happiness first is so hfjshckejjhfj-- i' m fI nE)

reminds me i have to catch up with vernon and seungkwan's parts I'm so excited to read them!! I'll let you know when I did hehe~ Also I really get what you said about 10 wreckers at all times like. same. I'd say my biases are cheol and hao (tho chan has been dangerously close to join their circle one too many times hdjhfdj) but I literally love all of them sm T-T

i hope you're doing okay and are taking care of yourself! ily<3

hiii lovely <3 i hope things are going well for you tho!! sometimes life gets busy! no biggie, take care of urself <3 ur wellbeing comes first! also yeah ive got discussion board posts done hehe i have a paper due sunday but i think i'm gonna start working on it tomorrow unless we get confirmation that game nights gonna be tomorrow? good luck on the essay tho!!

god... mood tho i ALSO want a cuddle pile with ppl i love and trust. but yeah they're otters <3 he literally holds yn's hand all the time like. bestie just wants to hold a hand!! its for the comfort <3

i talked abt this with a friend btw abt jakob and felicia i think is who u get if u play as a guy? i never understood that. like im guessing its for romance stuff but if you can/will get both anyway??? why not give the player someone they'd realistically have as a butler/maid to watch after them???

aaa thank u!! the tiny things might literally just be me pulling from actual things they've said/done hehe but im glad i can capture things well!! i usually second guess myself sometimes but its reassuring to hear things like this :3 i love writing cheol tho. if i dont get whiny cheol in UtS at least somewhere tho i s2g ill delete /j

this only makes it worse but cheol is Not the only one who is always in love w reader in every route <3 like there's always at least two ppl who are in love w reader in every single route (cheol being one), maybe three. its all a matter of them all wanting to see yn happy instead of keeping them for themself <3

aaa thank u ill look forward to hearing ur thoughts then!! sorry in advance for seungkwan and all the fighting his has /j

i have started appreciating cheol a Lot more over this past year tbh? like i only got into svt last october-ish (whenever attacca dropped, i dont remember right offhand) and he wasnt rly high on my list. i just appreciate him and all he does for the group while also being like... the POUTIEST man sometimes. seungkwan doesnt say he loves him back and cheol is just like >:( carats would never treat me like this smh. get u a man who can do both.

hao truly is an artist and i can deeply appreciate that aspect of him even if he's not like. high on my list? like i love svt as a whole but i full yknow tht i love other members more (even if they arent my biases). i think i really appreciate how much of himself hao puts into what he does. he's so passionate about what he does. also hai cheng made me cry so ill never forgive him for tht /hj

(no but rly i did break down crying the first & only time i listened/watched the mv and i cannot bring myself to listen again bc i think i'll cry again if i do. beautiful song tho, i just do not want to cry lmao)

im doing fine! i had an eye appointment yesterday and had my eyes dilated so that was a bit of a pain to deal with, but im getting new glasses! my prescription has changed Slightly so thankfully no headaches or anything lol only thing fucking w me now is allergies since pollen is UP rn and i hate it </3 summer class is almost over tho!! im going to enjoy my less than a month of chilling lol i dont even have a proper final for this class, i just have to edit my papers and resubmit them <3

i hope you're doing well, though! take care of yourself <3 get ur essay done when u can!! i believe in u <3 its always lovely to hear from you!!

[meteora-writes]

sry im anon but i came to req a trick fic heheheheheheehe (im dying of thirst there is not enough trick content in this world!!!!) anyway!!! can u do a fic where troy is really nervous about getting w nick and nick tries to guide him thru whatever’s troubling him? it can be smut or fluff or both or hell it can be angst idc!!! i just need nervous virgin troy who doesnt know how to deal w positive emotions in my life (rly love ur writing btw ive read like everything uve wrote for these boys)

I got you, sweetie! And I’m gonna go ahead and set this at the Bazaar because Troy was so cute while he was high and freaking out.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Nerves

Paring: Troy Otto x Nick Clark

Warnings: Recreational Drug Use, Angst, Anxiety, First Kisses

~~~~~~~~~~~

Troy felt like his heart was pounding out of his chest. Like he was dying but also more alive than he’d ever been in his entire life.

The herd of walkers had long since passed, but he was still standing in the middle of the abandoned street clinging to Nick for dear life. The other man had his face pressed into Troy’s shoulder now, his arms just as tight around Troy’s body as Troy’s were around his.

“Nick… Nick, we can’t stay here… We gotta go..” He finally managed to say, voice just above a whisper as he looked around wide eyed.  

Nick just turned his face so he was speaking against Troy’s throat. “I can’t go back.. Please don’t make me.” He begged, lips brushing against the sensitive skin above Troy’s pulse point.

A shiver ran through Troy’s body at the feel of Nick’s lips. The drugs in his system made him feel everything more intensely, and that scared him almost as much as being high did. “We can’t stay out here, the dead…” He trailed off when Nick’s lips suddenly brushed his neck again, but this time in a line of sloppy kisses.

Suddenly Nick was holding his face between his hands and placing a kiss on Troy’s shock parted lips. When Troy didn’t react Nick pulled away, blinking in confusion. “I’m sorry, Troy… I thought.. Never mind, let’s just go..” He said, carefully starting to pull away from Troy.

Troy didn’t let Nick go, still holding onto him tightly. “You kissed me…” He said, voice awe struck as he stared at Nick like a deer caught in headlights. His head was spinning now. Nick had really kissed him.

“Yeah, I did. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” Nick rambled, looking around a bit wildly before locking eyes with Troy again.

“I’ve never…” Troy mumbled, not sure what to do now but look down at Nick’s lips. He didn’t want Nick to feel sorry, and he didn’t want to forget it. If anything, he wanted more, and that thought scared the hell out of him.

“Never what?” Nick asked, blinking at Troy in confusion before looking at where Troy still had one arm around his shoulders and a hand on his neck. When he looked up again Troy was no longer looking down but looking into his eyes. “Was that your first kiss?”

Swallowing hard, Troy nodded. He grew up on a ranch with people that were either family, or close enough to be called family regardless of relations. There was literally no dating pool for him. So yeah, he’d never been kissed, or anything else for that matter.

Troy felt his heart rate skyrocket with the smile Nick gave him then. His stomach twisted into knots when Nick pulled him close so their bodies were flush against one another.

“You want me to show you how?” Nick asked, tone playful as he tilted his head to bring their lips about an inch apart.

Troy’s breath hitched in his throat at Nick’s words. Not trusting his voice to cooperate, he gave a small nod.

Nick just grinned and with that he was kissing Troy again.

Now that Troy had known it was coming, he hesitantly returned the kiss. He tried to mirror Nick’s movements, but his nerves were running so high he couldn’t quite focus.

Eventually Nick pulled away, blinking at Troy. “You really have never done this before, have you?”

“Never.” Troy managed to say after clearing his throat and licking his lips. “Sorry..”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. We can take this slow, okay? Maybe try again when we’re not out of our minds?” He suggested with another grin.

Troy found himself nodding, because hell yes he wanted that. “You seriously wanna do this with me?” He asked before he could think otherwise.

A chuckle escaped Nick’s lips and he started to pull Troy in the direction of the Bazaar. “Yes, seriously. Now come on, let’s sneak back into the Bazaar and find a place to crash. We’ll talk about this when you’re sober.”

Now Troy was laughing. “Yeah, and you’ll have changed your mind by then.” He said cynically.

Nick stopped and turned to face Troy. “You really think I’d do that to you, after everything we’ve been through?” He asked

“Maybe…” Troy said, nerves making him look anywhere but at Nick.

Nick huffed a breath before grabbing Troy’s face between his hands and kissing him again. When he pulled away he let his forehead rest against Troy’s as he spoke again. “Troy, I want to be with you. But not when we’re both high out of our minds and you’re too nervous to enjoy it. So, we’ll pick this up later, alright?”

Troy nodded, smiling before giving Nick a quick kiss on the lips. “Yeah, alright.” He said, nerves settling a little.

They made their way back to the bazaar, and even though he was scared out of his mind, he curled up on a pile of blankets with Nick as they both came down from their high. The two of them stayed like that until they fell asleep in the early morning light.

[phantomrubies]

Dancing for Infidget prompts? Infinite would have to stand on his toes and Gadget might start bending down to meet him half-way. Also, while waltzing, Infinite would always looks floaty and graceful, but Gadget would keep slipping into a polka waltz. They'd keep standing on one-another's toes, but Infinite can't help but smile a little when seeing Gadget look so energetic and happy. (THIS WAS GONNA BE THE ONE SENTENCE AND I GOT CARRIED AWAY SORRY)

AYEEE THIS IS A RLY CUTE PROMPT THANK Ui think i didnt entirely nail this bc im v rusty w my writing rn, but hopefully what ended up tumbling out suffices sdfghjgf i’ll dump it under a read more!! didnt have much of a proper direction so what happened just kinda happened lmao

There’s flour everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. Coating the wooden countertops, clinging to their fur, the substance spreads from area to area with seemingly no end amidst all the other kitchen chaos. Pots and pans also clutter the sink in disorderly piles, sugar spills from a packet left open and slumped over on its side, used utensils are strewn around, there’s a small puddle of milk on the tiled floor… the list could go on.But Infinite and Gadget are having the time of their lives. Caring not for the disarray, the two banter back and forth as they finish putting their cookies into the toasty oven at long last. While not the most professional looking lumps of dough, the wolf insists it’s perfectly fine; they’re made with love.“Well, so long as neither of us get food poisoning. Love won’t save us from that.”The teasing comment prompts said wolf to playfully swat at his arm with a checkered print tea-towel in protest. “Hey, I may be a sloppy baker, but I’m not that careless!”“…I guess I’ll take your word for it.”Due to the heat in the room gradually rising what with the cooking, the long-haired mobian reaches over to unlatch and open the window. The light summer breeze that flows in is instantly gratifying, fluttering the curtains and ruffling said hair somewhat, and it carries the scent of flowers. He can now hear faint, distant sounds of small children frolicking in the park nearby to their flat, almost drowned out entirely by the soft, mildly static hum of their old radio. Despite being past its prime, Gadget had insisted on keeping it, claiming the slightly warbled sound gave it an odd kind of charm. Naturally, Infinite had tuned the aged thing into a rock station.He soaks in all the elements of the homely atmosphere as, speak of the devil, Gadget slides up behind him and buries his snout into the crook of Infinite’s neck. Long white locks are delicately brushed aside. As the wolf speaks, his warm breath tickles against obsidian fur, and there’s that distinct, little hint of giddiness in his tone that weaves its way in whenever he’s close to his partner. They only made things official just recently, so it’s understandable, really.“You hungry..?”“Hm?”“Aw, c'mon, don’t say you still don’t have an appetite after all this work. They won’t take long!”“Oh, don’t worry, I’m definitely not letting these go to waste.” Infinite can practically feel his boyfriend’s familiar, beaming grin, and chuckles.For a moment they merely stand there enjoying one another’s company, until Gadget abruptly shifts, taking hold of one of Infinite’s hands. He then leans over with the other to turn the volume dial of the radio propped on the windowsill, cranking it up higher with a gleeful sparkle in his amber eyes. The words that follow the gesture are spoken more akin to an affectionate demand than a means of invitation.“Dance with me.”“..Dance?” Infinite blinks, cocking his head with one comically raised brow. A slight smirk graces his features. “You’re�� not kidding, are you?”Feeling the wolf interlock their fingers together more securely, he supposes he has his answer, but if that wasn’t enough of a giveaway, Gadget nods enthusiastically. As what he can vaguely identify as the intro to some early 2000’s hit starts up, he finds himself dragged into……a waltz?“What makes you think I’d joke with you like that?”Infinite is clearly struggling to hold back his amusement, trying to ease into the unsteady flow - if their awkward shuffling could even be considered as such - of movements.“You know, Gadget, this choice of dance and the music don’t exactly match. In fact, they clash horribly.”“Who cares?! Having fun is what’s important. We may be terrible,” the statement is unintentionally emphasised as Gadget steps on his foot, “but we’re terrible together.”…He can’t argue with that. A grin graces his muzzle, and Infinite laughs, admiring his energetic companion with a gentle and humoured gaze. The two allow themselves to get lost in the music, and quite frankly, most certainly each other as well. They sometimes slip into completely different styles of dance, swaying back and forth and always entirely off-beat to the rhythm of the song, but lack a care in the world. Infinite swears his heart is drumming far harder than bassline of this track, and as it draws to a close, in an attempt to end with a flourish, Gadget for once makes a rather bold move and dips the other mobian. This would have worked out…If it wasn’t for the milk on the floor.Infinite’s bare foot slips on the spillage and he falls down without even time to register it, pulling his poor boyfriend with him until they’re left in an unceremonious, tangled heap on the chill tiles. Gadget is on top of him gaping down in surprise and embarrassment, the radio continues to blare obnoxiously, their prides are down the drain……and then they break into laughter harder than they have in weeks. Who could possibly keep a straight face? The sheer hilarity of the situation hits and both can barely just wheeze out words of apology to one another after the tumble they took. It requires a solid few minutes to calm down enough for them to meet gazes again without it inducing another chuckle fit, but once they do, Infinite is left breathless not simply because of the amount of giggles they’ve shared by this point or having the wind knocked out of him, but by the sheer happiness in Gadget’s eyes. The wolf is absolutely radiating joy, and to know that he had a part in bringing him that joy? It makes his heart soar to indescribable heights. He lacks a cheesy enough metaphor to truly express the way his love’s presence makes him feel, in fact.Gadget tilts his head with a curious smile as though silently questioning the unwavering, awestruck stare, and that’s when Infinite kisses him. Hands find themselves running through unkempt, but wonderfully soft auburn fur.He’s too adorable, damn it. It’s spontaneous and brief, but lingering; the two are reluctant to withdraw. Infinite finds he tastes of all things sweet and sugary, like strawberries and cream, or his favourite candy, and Gadget’s smooth lips ghost over his admittedly more chapped own, feather-light but with a deeply resonating fondness. It remains like this for… well, he isn’t sure how long. What, you expect a guy to be able to focus enough to count the seconds at a time like this?“As much as I love kissing you,” Gadget finally mumbles between each tiny peck, his cheeks heavily flushed, “The floor isn’t exactly comfy, Infi. Plus, the cookies are gonna burn…”Infinite smiles and rolls his eyes. He laughs in deep huffs, and strays to pepper a few final smooches over the other’s freckled muzzle, before ceasing in his affections entirely. “It hasn’t been that long. I do agree with you about the floor, though…”That being said, Gadget manoeuvres off of him and within a moment, they’re both back on their feet and rummaging around for a pair of misplaced oven-gloves. Suffice to say, while Infinite’s rear might be a bit sore the next day, he deems the fall worth it. Entirely.…“Have you been eating the icing, by the way?”…“How’d you know?”

[asakurahaos]

ive been trying to keep it to myself but i cant take it anymore i have to vent sorry guys. negativity ahead.

so this monday mom and i have had a session w my psychologist, and we continued talking abt things we did last time, which is my problems w studying and how it affected me and my family

the thing is ive always had problems w studying, but my parents helped me a lot during elementary and middle school and i was always at the top of my class. then in highschool, we had a deal that i would study and do everything on my own.

only that worked out horribly and, no matter how hard i tried and told myself i could do it, i still had as much problems studying as i had before. my grades dropped and i was amongst the worst students in class and almost failed a few subjects.

my mom... didnt take that very well. we always argued, even before, because both of us are easily riled up, but it reached new levels. we would shout at each other and it was horrible. she would tell me i was lazy, i wasnt trying hard enough, i was wasting my potential, compared me to my classmates and friends from elementary/middle school, and it. really angered me and hurt me. because i knew i was trying, and i knew that i was different from them.

but what hurt me the most was that. i told her my problems multiple times, and i felt like she put fingers in her ears and didnt listen to me at all, only to say the things she said to me anyways.

she kept telling me those were all the usual teenage problems and that everyone else was dealing with the same things, and that they all just sucked it up and got over it.

and that ended up in me thinking i was stupid. because obviously thats what i was? i couldnt learn one lesson in weeks and some people did it in hours? and because obviously they had a hard time focusing too because thats completely normal, they just werent lazy or complaining like i was.

and the fact that i was feeling worse and worse every day until i started planning out ways i could commit suicide was also normal. because its just a part of teen angst, and everyone else felt like that. everyone else felt relieved when they scratched things like 'stupid' 'bitch' and 'i hate you/myself' on their arms and thighs. because everyone had passed through a phase when the only things they could feel were sadness or anger, and everyone else fought tears in the bus on their return home from school.

everyone else had to remind themselves they were happy and not depressed because they cant be depressed if they have a home and a family and were safe

i convinced myself that all of this was completely normal. its just how life worked, and i was a stupid, spoiled, lazy brat who just liked complaining and doing things i enjoy.

and tbh i still feel like this. like none of my feelings are valid, bc im just too sensitive and this is all perfectly normal.

anyways, we were talking abt my feelings and the entire situation this monday in much more depth and i cried and idk when was the last time i felt that upset and i had no idea it still hurt just as much as it did then. and it hurts because this is the first time my mom completely believed in all ive been telling her, over and over, all those years. but i also feel guilty for ever mentioning any of this

because mom finally believed me and i can see how upset she is that she didnt believe me and how she handled it all. and the worst part is, because im not someone who cant lie easily, when my psychologist asked me whether or not there was something she could do to make me feel better about it now, i immediately said no. because there isnt. and i saw how it broke her, and on one hand i cant lie and i dont want to lie, because this is important to me, to get it all out, but its hurting her and i dont want to see her hurt

she, my dad and grandma are my everything and i hate the thought of anything hurting them, and now im being the one hurting mom and thats fucking me up so bad

shes been rly quiet and every conversation weve had since has been awkward i hate it so much i wanna go back and make these sessions unhappen

and i guess digging up that stuff made me dig up other stuff id like to forget from back then and i feel like its all piling up on me at once and like its pulling me back to that mindset from back then and i really dont want to go back to that

[desertfragments]

I want to get to know my new mutuals [ and better get to know the old ones! ] Please repost this, tag this, and anyone else you want to see the answers for. Tagged by: @ivakir

A fact about you that is not on your “about the mun” page: Okay well, I don’t /have/ an about me page bc I think those are dumb and I never actually read them. Its mostly bc I don’t wanna be an ass and judge them before I rp with them. I like to form my own opinions. Mmmm im v hungry and I keep forgetting to eat dinner. I'm in college rn and I have a lot of wips that I should be working on. Also im v much a cat person and I like baking. Also im behind on a piece that I was supposed to do for halloween bc I forgot rip

A fact about your muse that is not on their “about the muse” page: I have four muses. That happened bc I wanted to write all my muses and I also love them a lot. I don’t rly post hcs v much sorry yall;; most of it happens in private chat so :/ Kai was a bit of an asshole when he was younger; he picks up personality traits from the people he makes friends with very easily and that makes him worried now bc he doesn't really know whats actually his personality and what's been picked up from other people. In the various hero aus ive made, Jay is someone with fire powers. I think, normally, she'd be someone with superspeed bc of her adhd, but that’s more cliché and fire matches her personality. But even though that’s her power, I try to make a point of the fact that her fire is mostly showy as opposed to harmful. Like you can pass your hand through a flame without hurting yourself, but you cant touch a pile of embers without burning yourself, and Jay has the flame bit of it. Red is someone who cooks almost entirely with fresh food. He has a garden that he tends to, plus Nicole has connections/the money to get fresh ingredients. You can find him in the kitchen prepping food before he cooks them a lot. Red also eats a lot of rice and he does almost all the grocery shopping for his sister and him. Nicole very intensely dislikes the Disney rendition of Alice in Wonderland and she really dislikes the characters and the story because it's nonsensical. She likes applying logic to the world and if it doesn't make sense, she dislikes it. Also, even though she's a logical person, Nicole is far more empathetic and kind then, I think, most people with the 'genius' trope.

A way that you and your muse are literally the same person: Kai and I are both creative people who are very passionate about their craft; Jay and I are both very opinionated and we're dfab, ace, and mixed; Red and I both enjoy cooking and baking, and we're both half Filipino; Nicole and I are both the older sibling and care very much for our family.

A way that you and your muse are complete polar opposites: Kai is someone who has a generally shaky grasp on his sense of self and I know myself fairly well. I think I'm more confident. He's also pan and I'm ace, which is a bit funny to me. Nicole is quite a bit more logical than I am and she's someone who would do quite well in school. She's smart and she has a lot of money for someone of her age. Jay is impulsive and she's the 'act first, think later' type, which isn't me; I like to think before I do something. Jay also knows how to fight and she's pretty healthy and fit. Red knows how to sew and he likes gardening and is very good with animals. That's really not me. Red's also more connected to his culture than I am, having more exposure than I have.

One major pet peeve of yours (doesn’t have to be RP related): When people look at my art, they generally go: "I can't even draw a stick figure!" That's all well and good, but they can and it's annoying when that's what everyone said. And drawing stick figures isn't bad! That's how I started drawing! I also dislike when people bump the table when I'm trying to draw or tell me not to be on my phone…. But then don't criticize me when I start drawing. Okay, the moral of the story here is that I'm easily annoyed and people shouldn't ask me about my pet peeves.

One thing that always makes you happy (doesn’t have to be RP related): CATS. Also: baking shows, baking, talking with my partners about ocs, drawing, (young) adult books with interesting plots. And sleeping. I like sleeping.

[youmeanlove]

💖 YOU AND KAITO PLS...

THANK YOUUU power is coursing through my veins. blue bitch #2 it took me like forever to write this reply bc i was too busy jamming to one of his songskjfs 💖💖

one time i gave him flowers after a show and he got so excited he overheated and powered off!! accidentally kills my boyfriend asmr

kaito really really loves hugs so any time im around he’s just clinging to me and its very sweet even if its uncomfortably warm because he’s yknow whirring

sometimes we break into impromptu singing lessons where kaito hits every note perfectly and then expects me to do the same and its really funnyKKF every time i have to be like kaito are u aware youre made to do this and hes like O Yea!!

it is still so funny to me that its canon vocaloids can eat and have favorite foods because how tf does that work but anyway. ice cream dates except we blindly choose flavors for the other person and just go ham! kaito probably knows all the flavors anyway bc half his fanon personality is that hes an ice cream connoisseur but he’ll pretend he doesnt

kaito is 100% the most optimistic one and while he doesnt always know what the best thing to say is its really the fact that he gives cheering me up his all that brings my mood back up : ) i love yyhyh 

the intimacy of giving your boyfriend the robot version of a cranial nerve exam. 

i dont live with him sadly bc all the vocaloids gotta like hang together but im over there a lot of the time because im like the on call ‘miku popped her eye out again’ guy so im either fixing something or just like hangin with a bunch of robots and i think thats very swaggy of me. when kaitos not doing the whole idol thing we just like to talk and talk and talk!! he really likes learning about the whole human thing and i like talking about the whole human thing! we also watch a lot of nature shows because he’s enamored with sea life. wait so is yusuke i think i love boys that love aquariums

HES SO STRONG mr fucking vocaloid likes to pick me up out of nowhere and scare the shit out of me!! not just for me but because i dont want him tripping and breaking his whole self!!! he hasnt done it yet because hes robojacked but its still stressful

i like to squinch his cheeks a lot bc they were made to be squinched...very soft very good.

ok this isnt relationshippy but one time i had to help program kaito simply to be better at not constantly tripping on his muffler bc god that thing is long and gets in the way of literally everything. he was very appreciative of thatKJHFKJ

kaitos little sp...oon 

we are both very into the idea of aliens and spend a lot of time coming up with fake alien stories and looking at the stars! kaito was not made to be a genius computer so its rly nice to have something we can both learn about!

kaitos always triple confident when im on the job backstage during video shoots or concerts and stuff so i kinda hang out even if im not on call or anything! morale boost for the boy!!

im always piling coats on kaito if we ever go out at night bc im scared of something freezing over! then he leans on me because hes worried about the same thing uwu

IM GOING TO GIVE HIM A LOT OF CHEEK KISSES 

thank you

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i have an au within this ship thats slightly more um..i guess its just the result of me thinking wayyy too hard about vocaloid lmao. its pretty much kaito waking up like “oh shit i can think and im a slave to the industry. i can feel so many things but im still seen as an entertainment piece what the fuaAAAA” and thats like. a whole thing i havent worked out yet but its still there. thats slightly mixed with another?? au i have where vocaloids are actually cyborgs but thats like double fucked up so..those are out there... that feel when your vocaloid boyfriend realizes the general public doesnt treat him like a human but he doesnt know if they should and then he has a sick flipout moment

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER  i have a lot to say about vocaloidsKJFHSF

[chaerismatic]

“SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER” TAG 📜

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 a couple people [im too nyervous n bad at tagging :C]

i was tagged by @moonbebe , @monbeboo and @monbabi~ tysm ily guys w my whoooole heart ♡♡

THE LAST Drink: water wow already off to a rly interesting start,, great job angie Phone call: my mumma  Text message: “still full from the chicken, don't know if i want dindin” [asldkfjs i still talk to my mum like a four-year-old ok yep moving on] Song i’ve listened to: from zero,, aka the bop of the century that probably wont ever be released ;; v ;; Time you cried: i basically spent all of last weekend in the foetal position cos of the p101 final and shine forever

HAVE YOU 6. Dated someone twice: nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yep 10. Been depressed: i guess 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope,, im?? an egg 12-14. List three favorite colours: green, yellow, cream

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. Made new friends: yess, especially here !! i don't rly deserve any of them and i love n admire every single person thats talked to me. ty ty ty ♡ 16. Fallen out of love: maybe, but idk if you could call whatever that was ‘love’ 17. Laughed until you cried: we had karaoke at my school today,, i nearly choked from screaming n dancing to the pokemon theme song 18. Found out someone was talking about you: don't think so eep 19. Met someone who changed you: for sure 20. Found out who your friends are: i think so 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: uhh yes

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of ‘em 23. Do you have any pets: OK ASDLKFJA I LVOE MY BABIES; so u’ve got miffy my v bouncy dog n best pal, my two rly chirpy but rly sweet birbs toro and newbert, and my two goldfish who are,,, both named huat,,, because that means prosperity n i need that $$$ 24. Do you want to change your name: hmm nope i like it, esp my full name even though i don't rly like it when people call me by it just cos it feels too formal 25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably ate a lot of mexican food and played the sims 4 for like 10hrs straight 26. What time do you wake up: 7am on school days n like 11pm on weekends 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: having a v mild panic attack about my history exam but also watching my babies sewoon/gwanghyun in their first vlive 28. Name something you can’t wait for: jung sewoon to debut jfc 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: maybe like an hour ago when i was washing the dishes 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: feeling more fulfilled and optimistic cos tbh ive got it really good compared to others n i hate when i forget that 31. What are you listening right now: why don't you know - chungha 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yep, a guy in my bio class that i barely know, he just asked for help w a question 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my academic incompetency  34. Most visited website: youtube or tumblr 35. Moles: none 36. Marks: two lil dots under my right eye, one on my upper lip n a whole bunch on my arms 38. Hair color: black  39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: huygnown jks sorry 41. What do you like about yourself: my ??softness tbh 42. Piercings: nope 43. Bloodtype: idk but i really wanna find out !!! ;;  44. Nickname: angie is a nickname i guess, but a lot of my school friends call me angle 45. Relationship status: dating a pretty cool guy (who is not hw but its fine i still kinda like him asldfjsal that was a rly weird n kinda messed up joke im sorry) 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: orange is the new black, brooklyn nine nine, rick and forty, and a whooole lot of japanese dramas 49. Tattoos: nope 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: none 52. Hair dyed in different color: not currently but i had green ombre for a while last year 53. Sport: not really my thing if yknow what i mean hah im as active as an actual pile of garbage   55. Vacation: ive only ever had an extensive stay in malaysia but its like a second home n i love it so much c: 56. Pair of trainers: uhhhh one ? yes ? idrk what this is asking ;v;

MORE GENERAL 57. Eating: i had kfc for dinner mmmm 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: pass out im so tired 61. Waiting for: monsta x’s first win !1!! 62. Want: to hug wonho,,, idk i feel extra protective of him today 63. Get married: for sure 64. Career: nursing/midwifery

WHICH IS BETTER 65.Hugs or kisses: hugs !!! warm n friendly or romantic n gentle,, you can't go wrong !! 66. Lips or eyes: both are v good, especially as a combination when someone smiles,,, smiling is rly rly nice 67. Shorter or taller: taller  68. Older or younger: older for now 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: asdfhasl both again !! both are SO good !!! esp soft tummies w comfy arms in hugs !! ;; - ;; 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive  72. Hookup or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER 74.Kissed a stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no but thats honestly my worst nightmare,, id be completely vulnerable 77. Turned someone down: yeah but in like the 5th grade 78. Sex on the first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: maybe ,,, 80. Had your heart broken: probably fractured, not quite entirely shattered 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: yessir 83. Fallen for a friend: way too many fkscifn times

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 84. Yourself: uhh probably not 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: eh not really 87. Santa Claus: i rly want to cos i love christmas so much :cc but no 88. Kiss on the first date: mmm probably not 89. Angels: have u seen the all-white shine forever stage outfits amirite

OTHER 
90. Current best friend’s name: i have two bestest friends named annie and charlie 
91. Eye color: dark brown
 92. Favorite movie: WHY END WITH THE HARDEST QUESTION YOU COULD POSSIBLY ASK ME ??? ok um lets go w back to the future as one of many favourites

❀ tagging: @monbibi @peachminhyuk @cngkyns @chaesprincess @kukungie @bamethyst @omgxiaoch ! ❀ but feel free to ignore, this does take a really long time so i totally understand :)