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ugh-supersoldiers · 6 years ago

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Under Oath - Part Eleven

Under Oath Masterlist

Characters: Bucky x reader, Natasha Romanoff

Summary: The people called for justice, the state answered. The trial of State v. Barnes is set to begin, and the odds are most certainly not in favor of the not so beloved ex Winter Soldier. That’s where you come in, the quick, smart, and all too brave lawyer set on defending and saving one Bucky Barnes from legal prosecution. The only problem? He’s not so sure he’s worth saving at all.

Warnings: none actually wow

Words: 2800

A/N: Please reblog and leave comments ty ily

“The defense calls Natasha Romanoff to the stand.”

Bucky watched Natasha slink her way up to the witness stand. She captivated an audience with the subtlties of even her gate. He didn’t question why you would have asked her to testify aside from only her knowledge of the red room.

“Ms. Romanoff, thank you for being here today.” You said with a genuine but small smile and a nod of your head as you walked towards her slowly.

She responded with only a curt nod of her head, but it was enough of an acknowledgement for you to continue.

“I understand that the first time you and Sergeant Barnes met was long before the fall of Hydra. Is that correct?”

“Yes, we met when I was much younger.” She replied.

“In the red room.”

“Yes, in the red room.” Natasha confirmed.

“Could you explain to the jury what the red room was?”

Bucky wasn’t exactly sure of your angle, speaking about the acts done in the red room and his involvement with the KGB was probably exactly what the prosecution was hoping for.

“The red room,” Natasha began, “Was run by the KGB. They took young girls. They trained us. Masterful spies. Calcuated killers. We were machines.”

“And it was Sergeant Barnes that helped in that training, yes?”

“Yes. Hydra and the KGB had close ties, he was the clear choice to train us.”

Bucky shifted in his seat in discomfort.

“Ms Romanoff, how well would you say you know the Sergeant Barnes you see in front of you?” You asked.

“I’ve gotten to know him quite well over the last few years since the fall.”

“Does he in any way resemble the man who trained you? The man who enforced horrible policies and brutal training to make you become what the KGB wanted you to be, is he the man sitting in front of you.”

“No.” She said, looking at Bucky with a small smile of reassurance.

“It’s my understanding that you were present during one of the many electroshock memory wipes.” You paced.

“Yes that’s correct.”

“I know this is difficult to speak about, but could you describe Sergeant Barnes’ behaviour during this procedure.”

“I’d caught wind that he’d started to remember who he was. Too much time out of cryo can do that. It was during our solo training session that week that I noticed he was disstressed. I didn’t know the solider very well, no one did, but something was different about him.” Natasha’s eyes narrowed slightly, bringing the memory forward in her mind.

“What was that?”

“He was holding back, he even apologized when my back hit the mat too hard during sparring.”

“And how did you respond?”

“I asked him if he knew his name.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Everyone was always curious, but most people were too scared to ask. He didn’t scare me when he was like this.”

“And what did he tell you his name was?”

“He said he thought it was James.” She said with a fondness.

“And then what happened.” You pursued her point further. The jury needed more than a name.

“Two KGB agents rushed in and grabbed us both, moved us into a different room, one I’d never seen before.”

“And it was in this new room that you witnessed the memory wiping process.” You held back as shudder as you imagined the horror of witnesses such a thing.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Ms. Romanoff, did it appear that Sergeant Barnes was in any way compliant or willing with his memory being erased?”

“No, absolutely not. He was fighting like his life depended on it.”

“A man as strong as him must have been difficult to subdue. How did they manage to get him to comply?”

“The only reason he agreed to do what they said is because they caught me off guard and held a gun to my head.” She said.

“Thus insinuating that they would kill you if he didn’t do what they asked.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, even in a mentally compromised state where only the smallest fragment of the real Bucky Barnes shone through the exterior of the Winter Soldier, the moral obligations are evident. Bucky Barnes complied to have his memory wiped not because he was on Hydra’s side, not because he wanted to be a murderer, but because he didn’t want blood on his hands.” You nodded as you spoke, preaching out to the jury just how noble Bucky was even in the face of pain.

Bucky watched the way your lips moved as the captivating speech you gave flowed confidently from them.

“Ms. Romanoff can you describe what the electrocution process was like to witness?”

He could see that Natasha was visibly shaken, and he knew exactly what was on her mind. He had hoped desperately that their shared secret would not ever resurface. He only remembered fragments of her, but he knew what had ensued between them, and he knew it could compromise the entire case.

“I was trained to be ruthless from an early age. I’d tortured and been tortured myself, I’d watched men die right in front of me, but nothing could compare to the pain of seeing Sergeant Barnes’ sanity slip away and leave only a shell behind.”

“Thank you Ms. Romanoff. No further questions.”

“Thank you for your time, Ms. Romanoff I know some of this might not be easy to speak about.”

Natasha gave a small but curt nod. It was obvious that she didn’t want anything to do with Smith.

“You said that you weren’t afraid of the Winter Soldier during training.” Smith said, reading through his notes briefly.

“Yes.”

“And that it was the most painful thing that you’d ever witnessed, watching him have his memory wiped.”

“Yes would you like me to give the statement again or are you going to be adding some original content to the script.” Natasha replied smugly, earning a small amount of laughter from the jury members much to Smith’s dismay.

“I find it funny that you are the only survivor of the red room to ever share that opinion.” Smith mused.

“Perhaps that’s because I’m the only survivor of the red room at all.” There was an undertone of darkness in her voice, one that made you wince.

“And that got me thinking. What makes you so much more special than any of the other girls in that program. Why you?”

“Couldn’t tell you.” Natasha shrugged.

“Was it perhaps because of your romantic involvement with Sergeant Barnes during the time you both spent in the red room?”

Your eyes were wide as saucers, mouth slightly ajar. Bucky had never seen you blow your cool before. He’d never seen you less than mostly composed, but he could tell you were losing it. It was vital information that he hadn’t mentioned to you in fear of hurting your feeling - of losing the way you looked at him because he’d been in love with someone close to him. And now he might as well have entirely derailed the entire credibility of the case you’d built.

The courtroom had errupted into chatter, cameras flashing.

“Order!” The judge yelled.

“W-well I wouldn’t say-” She stammered

“Ms. Romanoff, did you or did you not engage in an exclusive romantic relationship with the defendant at the time he was under the so called mental manipulation of Hydra?”

“There was no exclusivity-”

“Answer the question Ms. Romanoff.”

“I hardly see what this has to do with his compliance.” An attempt to turn the questioning in to a logical debate, but it soon backfired.

“His compliance was hinged upon and manipulated by you. He agreed to be wiped because he loved you, he stayed with Hydra to be with you, he killed people under Hydra’s command because he didn’t want to leave you.”

“No-”

“And you knew that, you knew and you still know. If you were willing to hide this from the jury, you’d no doubt be willing to lie under oath for the sake of your love.”

It was all wrong, it was so wrong. The relationship Bucky had shared with Natasha was mostly one of companionship at the time. Romance was involved, sure, but Bucky needed her mostly because it seemed she understood him. He just wanted to be understood.

“Objection your honour, badgering the witness and leading the jury.”

“Overruled. Witness will answer.” The judge said firmly.

“Ms. Romanoff, I ask once more. Were you, or were you not romantically involved with Sergeant Barnes in the red room.”

“Yes,” Natasha sighed, defeated, “I was.”

“No further questions.” Smith sat down all too happily in his seat.

“Your honour in light of new evidence, the defense requests a two hour recess.” Your words were harsh at the fault of your clenched jaw. Bucky couldn’t even bare to look at you.

“Granted.”

With the bang of the gavel, Bucky stood up. His ears were ringing. He fucking hated that feeling. But what he hated more was the blank and no doubt absolutely livid look on your face. You stared straight ahead as the sound of feet shuffling out of the court room was muffled in the background.

“(Y/N)-”

“Not here.” You said through gritted teeth.

After the jurors and viewers had exited the courtroom, Bucky watched you briskly walk into the same conference room you’d been in before the trial. Bucky almost wanted to stay where he was, but he knew he would need to speak to you. It was unfair what he’d done to you.

When he finally grew a pair and walked to the door, he felt a hand of his shoulder. When he turned around he saw Natasha.

“Natalia.” He whispered.

“I’m sorry, Barnes.” She said, “It was the last thing I thought they would know about.”

“It’s not your fault, I should have been honest with (Y/N) from the beginning.”

“We’d better go in there, we have to rework the strategy.”

Bucky nodded, although he was less than happy about opening the door. Because he saw you when he did, and he saw how undeniably hurt you were. He would so much rather that you were angry, that you would slap him clean across the face. You sat in the chair behind the large table, arms crossed and when your eyes met he was afraid you just might snap his neck. At least it was better than seeing you sad.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“(Y/N) it was a long time ago-”

“I don’t give a flying fuck how long ago it was. Did you think I just didn’t need to know that?”

“It was a relationship based on survival. It wasn’t really overly romantic I promise you don’t need to worry about Natasha.”

There was silence now as your head snapped over to look at him in disbelief.

“Wait a second you don’t think- You can’t possibly think that I’m jealous.” You laughed dryly, “I don’t give a shit about your history when it comes to us, Barnes but what I do care about is the information - or lackthereof - that I am given in order to not be thrown and curveballs mid trial.”

Bucky’s head sunk low. He couldn’t tell, but you were lying through your teeth. Of course you had a tinge of jealously in your blood. Bucky was yours, he was yours. When you won this fucking case he would be with you exclusively, without the fear of persecuation.

“Do you understand what we’re facing now because of this? You handed Smith exactly what he wanted. He’s going to attack your credibility as soon as you get up there on the stand. He will try and destroy you.”

“(Y/N) I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing you can say now. It’s far too late for you to say anything. The jury was ours, they were on our side. I had them. And now we’re screwed.”

Bucky watched as you paced the floor, pinching the bridge of your nose. You looked up at him, that same hurt that made him want to crawl under a rock returning to your eyes.

“Buck, I just wish you had told me.”

He couldn’t tell if you meant for the sake of the case or for your relationship.

“Fuck it, what does it matter what’s happened. I need to focus on how to fix this mess,” You said as you promptly got up, straightened your jacket and exited the room, “Murdock! Do we have any idea whatsoever who the next witness is?”

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat as you marched over to Matt. He was terrified that he might have just ruined everything he’d built up with you over the last several months in about 5 minutes.

“Still up in the air.” Murdock said with a sigh.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. We bomb with our last witness and now we don’t even know who they’re putting up there? How long is he gonna keep us on our toes for?”

“Knowing Smith? As long as he possibly can… and then some.”

“Dammit!” You screamed and slammed your hands against the table with a loud crack, “Fucking shit!”

Your outburst shocked everyone in the room, including you. Bucky watched as you straightened your shoulders and composed yourself.

“Murdock, can you give us a minute?”

Matt left the room without a word, closing it behind him.

A less than comfortable silence enveloped Bucky as the room you were in all of the sudden felt much too large for only two people.

“(Y/N)-”

“Don’t.”

Bucky snapped his mouth shut just as quickly as he had opened it. You were facing the door still, back turned to him. He could tell you were angry by your harsh breathing - your shoulders rose and fell with a subtle yet aggressive tension.

“You just jeopardized everything.” You whispered, turning your head just slightly so he could hear you.

He stayed silent. There was nothing he could offer, no form of apology so great that he could earn your forgiveness, but he still muttered one quietly nonetheless.

“You’re sorry? Bucky this is your damn life not mine you don’t owe me an apology. You risked your freedom- you risked your whole future by omitting a past relationship because you thought that I would be mad at you.”

Bucky could hear the hurt in your voice and he hated himself for being the cause. He wanted to take it all back, to go back a couple of months and breathe out a single sentence that would fix it all. But he couldn’t, no matter how much he wanted to.

“It was stupid.”

“It was more than fucking stupid, Bucky.” You choked out, “It was idiotic and barbaric and completely insulting to every shred of legal strategy that I’ve worked on for the last I don’t know how long. But beyond that it’s thrown you entirely under the bus.”

He was silent again for a moment. He hated you being so angry, but most of all he hated how your back was facing him.

“Please look at me.”

Slowly, you turned to him. There were tears hanging on your waterline and he knew you were trying to keep them in.

“I didn’t say anything because it hardly even seemed relevant. The time that Natasha was talking about up there was long before anything happened between us. I had no idea who she was. My memories of her are scattered and at best unreliable, I honestly didn’t think they could be used against me like that. They used to hold guns to those girls’ heads all the time when I wouldn’t do what they wanted. That particular day was nothing special.”

He watched a tear slip down your cheek as he spoke. He wasn’t sure if it was one of anger or not.

“I’m sorry they did that to you.” You said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“I know.”

“Okay.”

“It’s not me you need to apologize to, it’s yourself.”

Bucky nodded his head slowly, “How are you going to fix this?”

“I have no fucking idea.”

A knock on the door shook you both out of your conversation.

“(Y/N).” Murdock said through the closed door, “The prosecution is just about to announced their last witness. I got a bad feeling about this one.”

“Last witness? I thought they had two left?”

“Guess they thought this one was a real showstopper.”

“Great. Tell Dr. Cho we won’t be needing her then. I’ll ask for another recess as soon as they’re announced.”

“Good luck getting that, you just asked for one.”

“Might as well push my luck, I somehow doubt it could get a whole lot worse.”

“Trust me,” He paused with a sigh, “If any case can get worse, it’s this one.”

#Bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #winter solider #winter soldier x reader #steve rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel #marvel fic

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hobtea · 8 years ago

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a night reimagined

Summary: After getting stood up by his blind date, Phil decides to give up on the endless chase for romance. That is, until he encounters a crying boy on the bus ride home. Somehow, they end up spending the night together.

Word Count: 11.5k

Genre: fluff, v. mild hurt/comfort

a/n: hey i wrote smth and actually finished it wtf! anyways dedicated to @glitterdan ily buddy and @jilliancares ty for being dope <3

or read on ao3!!!

From the very beginning, Phil knew that going on a blind date wouldn’t be the best way to spend his last night in London. Unfortunately, Phil also knew that he’d never been very good at saying no to his friends.

To be fair, Phil’s housemates just so happened to be very convincing when it came to most things. To make things worse, each of them also happened to be in happy, committed relationships while Phil was the only one who was still single. Honestly, how could he possibly have declined being set up on a blind date when he was so tired of feeling left out? The answer is that he couldn’t, so he didn’t, and now he completely regretted it.

Basically, Phil’s mystery date never showed up to the actual date. He had waited in front of the average restaurant for fifteen minutes, then half an hour, then forty-five minutes. By the hour mark, he had come to a decision on two things. Firstly, he hated his friends for convincing him to do this. Secondly, he’d just been stood up by a complete stranger and it sucked.

That was essentially how he ended up taking the bus back to where he lived with his no-good housemates. But as disappointed as he was, Phil also had to admit that he was the slightest bit relieved to have been stood up. He had never been the greatest at dealing with strangers, especially strangers that he was meant to entertain. And the more that he thought about it, the more that he began to wonder if his mystery date had felt the same way and thus decided not to show up at all.

Did that reasoning still make them an asshole? Of course it did, but Phil could totally relate to what they might’ve been feeling. Regardless of their reasons, it didn’t change the fact that they’d wasted his time and now he would return to Rossendale feeling twice as lonesome as he had before.

As the bus came to a temporary stop to let more passengers on board, Phil checked his phone for what had to be the millionth time. There were no new messages, no voicemails, and no apologies either. He had expected as much, but it still hurt a little.

In that exact moment, Phil glanced up from his phone and briefly locked eyes with the only person who had boarded the vehicle. Normally he disliked moments such as this and would immediately look away to avoid the awkwardness, but this time was… different, in a way. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the young brown-eyed boy with the too-long fringe had fresh tears streaming down his reddened face.

The strange moment came to an end when the boy plopped down in the empty seat a few rows in front of where Phil sat, the weight of his tall, gangly body making a soft thud sound as he did so. As the bus began to move again, the boy buried his face in his hands and resumed his crying session, his broad shoulders trembling all the while.

Clearly, he was incredibly upset about something. Since Phil often rode the bus to get to various places around the city, witnessing a random boy crying his eyes out in the middle of the night on public transport was actually quite low on the list of strange things that Phil had encountered while living in London. Even so, he found himself intrigued by the event and perhaps a bit concerned as well. After all, most people didn’t cry like that for absolutely no reason.

Phil noticed a small object lying on the floor in between the rows of seats, one that looked like an oyster card and that hadn’t been there a few minutes prior. He instantly concluded that the boy must have dropped it when he dramatically threw himself into his seat, and like any good citizen and polite person, Phil knew that he should point it out or pick it up and personally hand it over to its owner.

At the same time, doing so was the last thing that Phil wanted to do in that moment. If there was one thing that he feared more than awkward encounters with strangers, it was awkward encounters with crying strangers. For all that he knew, interacting with the crying boy might’ve made things a thousand times worst and then the driver would stop the bus and he’d be arrested for harassment, sent to prison, and never allowed to see his family again.

Or something like that. Life in the city was unpredictable, okay, and Phil wasn’t taking any chances.

Ironically, the crying boy and the oyster card were the only things that Phil could think about for the next several minutes. Aside from the driver and the old guy sleeping at the back of the bus, they were the only two people on board and therefore no one would be around to judge him if things went wrong; but no matter what Phil told himself, he just couldn’t work up the courage to pick up the oyster card and interrupt the boy’s nonstop crying. Phil also couldn’t stop himself from wondering why the boy was crying so much in the first place, if there was anyone who would be able to comfort him when he arrived wherever he was traveling to, and whether or not he’d be okay in the end. Phil thought about all of these things and more, which only frustrated him even further.

Eventually, the bus came to a stop and the crying boy abruptly stood up from his seat, sniffling pathetically as he quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. Phil could only watch as he walked down the aisle and exited the bus a few seconds later. He never did notice the oyster card lying on the floor.

Damning all of his previous worries to hell, Phil made the decision to follow the crying boy off the bus at the last possible second, making sure to swipe the card up from the floor as he walked past it. The tired bus driver gave him the subtlest dirty look for wanting to get off the bus after the doors had already been closed, but Phil ignored it and kept his gaze on the retreating figure along the pavement.

“Hey! Excuse me!”

Thankfully, the boy stopped walking and turned around, although he eyed Phil suspiciously as he approached. It made sense; having a stranger follow you off the bus was certainly a frightening thing.

“What?” the boy demanded, crossing his skinny arms over his chest. He probably meant to look intimidating just in case Phil really was some sort of creep, but in reality it just made him look smaller and even more pathetic, if that was possible.

Phil suddenly felt excruciatingly awkward as he presented the card.

“Um. Sorry, it’s just—well, you dropped this. At least I think that you did? Oh, god, if this isn’t yours then I’ve just made the most awkward presumption imaginable.”

He laughed at himself as a final effort to make things more bearable, only to fail miserably when the other boy didn’t react. Without a word, he glanced down at the card in Phil’s hands and stared at it for a moment before reaching into his pockets, presumably to check and see if he really had lost it. Discovering that he had, the boy gasped and quickly reached out to take the card.

“Fuck, I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled. When their hands briefly touched, Phil almost flinched at how cold the boy’s fingers were. “Thanks so much. You didn’t have to do that, but… thank you.”

Phil opened his mouth to say that it was no problem at all, despite how much he had internally agonized over the simple action for the past several minutes, when the sound of the bus pulling away from the curb caught his attention.

Now, he was most certainly screwed.

“Shit,” Phil cursed, watching as the bus drove down the street and disappeared into the night. This wasn’t his stop and he didn’t even know where he was, at least not really. To put it simply, this was one more unfortunate event that he could add to the list of his shitty night.

“Did you just miss the bus because of me?” asked the boy, and when Phil turned to face him again, he looked incredibly guilty. “Oh my god, I’m really, really sorry and—fuck, it’s all my fault and I’m always doing stupid shit like that and I just—”

“Hey, hey, it’s not your fault at all!” Phil insisted, interrupting the boy’s nonsensical tangent. “It’s not a big deal, trust me. I mean, I can always catch the next bus, yeah? Er, whenever that is…”

Because it seemed that the boy wasn’t too convinced of that, Phil continued.

“Besides, I could’ve given the card back to you much earlier when I first noticed it on the floor, but I guess I was too nervous because you seemed really upset and… and I know that it’s none of my business whatsoever, but, like, are you okay?”

Phil half expected his concern to be met with hostility or simply waved off because, well, it really wasn’t any of his business at all. However, the last thing that he expected to happen was the look of surprise on the other boy’s face, which then crumbled into pure sorrow as he suddenly began to cry once more. The strange reaction caught Phil completely off-guard, to the point where he could only stand there in shock before panicking a few seconds later as he tried to think of what to do or say that would make the crying stop once and for all.

“Ah! I’m sorry! Please don’t cry, um—” Phil glanced at their surroundings as if the streetlamps or the shadows contained the answers to his prayers. When it became clear that they didn’t, he resorted to the first thing that came to mind. “H-Hey, look at me!”

When the crying boy slowly lowered his hands in order to see, Phil stuck out his tongue and made a silly face. He didn’t stop there, either. He continued rearranging his facial features into the silliest expressions that he could think of, once it became clear that his method was working and the boy was no longer sobbing his heart out.

Instead, the boy was now staring at Phil as if he’d gone completely insane.

“What the fuck are you doing?” the boy finally asked, his own expression twisted in confusion.

“I’m making a silly face, obviously!” Phil answered. He used both of his index fingers to stretch his mouth open really wide and stuck his tongue out again, crossing his eyes at the same time.

The boy continued silently staring at Phil for a handful of seconds, just before bursting into laughter because he couldn’t contain himself anymore. At long last, Phil’s efforts seemed to be paying off.

“Jesus Christ, could you get any weirder? Stop that!” said the boy, and the obvious joy in his tone meant that he was only teasing.

Best of all, he wasn’t crying anymore. It didn’t take long for Phil to decide that he much preferred the crinkles by those pretty brown eyes and the pearly white teeth over the big streams of tears. After all, most people looked much better when they were genuinely smiling, but the smile on this boy’s face was almost breathtaking.

“Hey, I was just trying to cheer you up,” said Phil, who was smiling just as big now.

The boy teasingly rolled his eyes. “By making silly faces? Really? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not five years old, for god’s sake.”

“True. But it still worked, didn’t it?”

Despite all of his teasing, the boy really couldn’t argue against that, so he didn’t even try to. Phil was beginning to feel twice as accomplished now, having made the other boy temporarily speechless.

Finally, he asked in an unusually soft tone, “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Philip, but I go by Phil. And yours?”

“Daniel,” he replied with a smile. “You can call me Dan.”

Somehow, it was the most perfect name for a crying boy who smiled like a prince and looked like one, too. Now that Phil was looking him, like, really looking at him, he came to the conclusion that Dan was quite pretty. Soft, too. Very soft and very pretty, with his puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. Not to mention those dimples, which had to be one of Phil’s greatest weaknesses of all.

Realizing that he’d just been staring this whole time, Phil attempted to salvage the situation by clearing his throat and returning the friendly smile as smoothly as he could manage.

“Yeah, okay. You certainly look like a Dan.”

Without a doubt, that had to be the lamest thing that Phil had uttered all night, but it brought another laugh out of Dan anyway.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, brows raised in amusement.

Phil shrugged, his grin becoming sheepish. “Nothing. I just think it suits you. Your name, that is. Um—yeah, I like it.”

“Thanks,” said Dan, “so do I.”

Now came the point where Phil was running out of things to say, but he didn’t want the conversation to end, either. Realistically, they should have parted ways by now since the initial deed had been done. Realistically, Phil would have never worked up the courage to return the item to the stranger who dropped it, and by now he probably would have been stepping off the bus and dragging himself to the front door of the house that he shared with five other people, his heart filled with disappointment.

Instead of any of that happening, Phil was currently stood in front of a very pretty boy with a beautiful smile and a name that fit him like a lock and a key. It might not have been realistic, but Phil thought that anything could happen at this point.

“So, I’ve never really done this before and I know that it might be a really weird thing to ask so you can totally just say no, but…” Phil paused and took a deep breath. “I’d like to buy you a cup of coffee? Or something. I don’t know, just—looks like there’s a Starbucks up the street and since I don’t have anything better to do… ah, not to imply that you don’t! I guess I should’ve asked that first?”

“Oh,” was all that Dan said at first, his cheeks growing noticeably darker. Then, he nodded. “Okay.”

There should’ve been no way that it could be so easy, but Phil didn’t question it. Not even for a second. He was smiling like some overeager fool before he even realized it.

“Wow, really?”

“Sure,” Dan confirmed, but he wasn’t making eye contact anymore. Even though he sounded rather sure of himself, he resorted to staring down at his feet as his hands nervously played with the hem of his thinly knitted sweater. “I mean, I don’t see why not. And since you don’t really give off any axe murderer vibes, I guess it’ll be okay.”

Phil had to laugh at that. “Gee, thanks. But just so you know… all of my victims have said that in the past.”

He was glad when Dan picked up on the teasing and simply rolled his eyes at those words, another smile playing at his lips. Most people didn’t understand Phil’s rather dark sense of humor, so this was a rare and beautiful occasion.

“Just shut up and get me a coffee, will you?” he whined. “It’s freezing out here.”

Phil could definitely agree with the latter notion, despite wearing three layers on his torso. So without further ado, he gladly led the way to the nearby Starbucks, his overall mood improving with every step.

***

Several minutes and one purchase later, Phil found himself sitting in a comfortable chair while drinking a warm caramel macchiato and sharing a big cookie with the sad boy from the bus stop, only now that sad boy seemed much happier as he slurped down his own drink. In fact, he was enjoying it so much that he let out the occasional satisfied moan, and each time that he did, Phil couldn’t help but smile.

“I got dumped tonight.”

Since it came out of nowhere, Phil was caught off-guard for the second time that night. He paused in the middle of shoving another piece of the cookie into his mouth, now giving his full attention to the boy sat across from him. But unlike before, Dan didn’t look as if he would burst into tears again. Strangely enough, his calm expression didn’t change as he took another sip of his drink, then spoke up again.

“Earlier you asked me what was wrong,” he began to explain. “Well, my girlfriend broke up with me, so that’s how my night has been going so far.”

“Oh.” Phil truly didn’t know what he was supposed to say, though he did feel a bit bad. “I’m sorry, I had no idea…”

“Of course you didn’t, that’s why I’m telling you,” Dan said, and just like before, he playfully rolled his eyes. There was a moment of silence where Phil thought that the conversation had ended already, but then Dan added, “What’s weird is that I’m actually not that upset about it? I mean, obviously I’m upset, but like… it’s not because I still wanted to be with her, because I didn’t. And I still don’t. Not sure when that happened, either.”

Pausing, Dan slowly exhaled the deepest of sighs as if he was officially letting go of every emotion that he’d previously felt about the situation. Even the rest of his body seemed to gradually relax. For a moment, Phil wondered if he had ever been around someone who was this expressive and open about how they truly felt.

Dan continued by saying, “I guess what I’m most upset about is that after three whole years, it’s over. And… it kind of feels like I’ve lost a really good friend, you know?”

Phil nodded in understanding, even though he couldn’t really relate. The longest relationship that he’d ever been in only lasted for eleven months, and that was back in high school. He hadn’t been in a serious relationship since then, and he was mostly okay with that, except for the fact that everyone else made a huge deal of it. If it weren’t for their prying and convincing, he never would have agreed to that stupid blind date.

Then again, he also might have never met Dan.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” said Dan, who was suddenly laughing for some reason. “I swear that I don’t usually rant about my dumb personal problems with complete strangers.”

Phil shook his head, hoping to be reassuring. “It’s okay, honestly. I don’t mind at all.”

“Still, that was kind of rude of me. I have no idea where it even came from, but… you’re really easy to talk to, I guess.”

That same bashful look from earlier reappeared on Dan’s face, making him look twice as cute as he already was. Although he kept his eyes on the table instead of on Phil, Phil could tell that he genuinely meant those words and was quite flattered by them.

“Anyway,” Dan blurted, a little louder than necessarily and most likely out of embarrassment, “I hope that your night has been going a lot better than mine. Um, aside from me making you miss your bus earlier. Sorry about that… again.”

Phil chuckled softly. “Like I said, Dan, it wasn’t your fault. But as for my night, can’t really say that I’ve had better luck than you.”

“Uh-oh. How come?”

“Well…” He sighed, thinking of how ridiculous the whole thing was. “I was supposed to go on this blind date that my friend set up for me without my consent. Then as the night finally approached I thought that, hey, this might actually be fun.”

“And?”

“I got stood up.”

The way that Dan gasped would convince anyone that he felt personally offended by this, which was both hilarious and a surprise, considering that they were just two strangers swapping stories about their mediocre life problems.

“What an asshole,” Dan declared, almost as if he had a personal vendetta against this mystery person that Phil might never meet. It was hard not to laugh at just how adorable he was, even when angry. “Whatever, it’s their loss. I mean, they’re the one who’s missing out on a nice person who isn’t an axe murderer, and also this really good caramel macchiato.”

To prove his point, Dan took a really big gulp of his drink and followed it up with a satisfied sigh. By now, Phil had completely given up on trying not to laugh at the other boy’s antics. Dan began to laugh as well, neither of them caring if anyone else was looking at them right then.

After they had calmed down again, Dan nudged him in the foot beneath the table as if to get his attention once more. Truth is, Phil hadn’t stopped paying attention to Dan since the moment that he saw him.

“Tell me more,” he said.

“About?”

“Yourself, obviously.”

Though he was a little surprised at first, Phil immediately decided to be a tease.

“What, are you volunteering to be my blind date now?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” Dan retorted, and then he had the nerve to wink. “Come on, just tell me something interesting.”

To be quite honest, it was hard to think of anything after being put on the spot like this. Phil could handle small talk and he excelled at conversations when the topic was about something that he enjoyed just as much as the other person, but talking about himself was a whole different story. It was especially difficult with those big brown eyes staring at him from across the table as if he held all the secrets to the world, so in the end, Phil just went for whatever came to mind.

“Um… well, my middle name is Michael, I’m currently twenty-two years old, and… I’m originally from Rossendale, but I go to school here in London. Actually, I’m going home tomorrow afternoon for the winter break, so I was really hoping that my last night in town would be awesome. Instead, it started out pretty crappy, but...” He paused only briefly to smile at the other boy. “I think it’s starting to get a lot better.”

It was obvious that Dan must’ve understood the implication of those last few words, since he attempted to hide his smile and blush by snatching the last bit of the cookie for himself and shoving it into his mouth. What made it even sillier was that Phil had purposely let him have the last bite, but perhaps he knew that as well.

“Now it’s your turn,” Phil said, and just because he could, he nudged Dan beneath the table just like what had been done to him. “Tell me something interesting.”

Dan snorted, a sarcastic type of laugh that likely meant something else entirely, as he dusted the cookie crumbs from the tips of his fingers onto his skinny jeans.

“Sorry to break it to you, but I’m not all that interesting.”

“You’re also not a very good liar, apparently,” Phil teased. It was worth it to see the hilarious expression on Dan’s face, who then nudged his foot a lot harder than before but not enough to hurt, per se. So, Phil continued to insist. “C’mon, it isn’t that hard. Look, I’ll even be satisfied with you copying what I said. Like, just your middle name, age, where you’re from and what you do.”

“Fine,” Dan said, finally giving in. He then listed the answers off his fingers in a single go. “James, eighteen, in Reading with my parents, and currently nothing because I’m taking a gap year since I have no idea what I want to do with my future and I’m not particularly good at anything.”

Phil gave himself a short moment to process all of that before replying. Even then, he simply stated the first thing that came to mind.

“Wow, so you’re younger than you look.”

“Hey!” Dan gasped, though he was only pretending to be offended as he nudged Phil’s foot again. At this point, it wouldn’t be far off to say that they were practically playing footsie. “Are you saying that I look old?”

Phil laughed and shook his head. “No, no! I just kind of assumed that you were already in university.”

“Nope.”

“Well, it’s fine if you don’t know what you want to do yet, since there’s still plenty of time to figure it out.”

Dan hummed to show that he was listening, but it almost seemed as if the topic of university and the future instantly deflated him. This was something that Phil could actually relate to, since he felt the same way when he had been eighteen and lost—not that he had all the answers now, either.

“What do you study, then?”

“Filmmaking, at the moment.”

Dan actually perked up at that. “Oh, yeah? Is it any fun?”

“Loads! Well, the projects are fun, but everything else can be a bit of a drag.”

“Hah, yeah. My girlfr—” Dan abruptly stopped before finishing that sentence, realizing his mistake and then correcting it. “I mean… my ex said something similar once.”

Just like that, the good mood that they’d built up had basically been killed. Even if he pretended otherwise, it was more than a little obvious that Dan was still hurting. And why wouldn’t he be? Three years was a very long time to be with another person, regardless of whether or not you fell out of love with them somewhere along the way. What he needed right now was a good enough distraction to take his mind off things for a while, and Phil knew just the remedy.

Since the other boy had spaced out, Phil gently nudged his foot again and smiled with confidence when Dan looked at him.

“I have an idea, if you’re up for it.”

***

Phil led the way down the dark concrete steps that led to the entrance of the building. It had become quite late into the night, but places like these usually didn’t close until around sunrise, which was still far off into the distance. He knew that he’d been correct when the energy of the place grew louder and louder, the closer that he drew near.

Noticing that he wasn’t being followed anymore, Phil stopped in the middle of the staircase and turned his head to see that Dan still stood at the very top, his pale hand gripping the railing but his feet unmoving. A look of uncertainty graced his facial features.

“Coming?” asked Phil.

“You said that we were going to a pub…”

“Yeah. This is it.”

Dan narrowed his eyes and said, “Then why does it look like some sort of secret underground dungeon?”

“Well…” Phil glanced back at the old wooden door, then turned to face Dan again, grinning sheepishly. “Aesthetic reasons?”

The younger boy didn’t appear to be too convinced, and Phil supposed that he shouldn’t have been too surprised by the sudden apprehension, especially given how vague he’d been when proposing the idea. After all, it was one thing to accept a stranger’s invitation to get coffee together, and an entirely different thing to follow them all the way across town to a pub that you’ve never heard of before, one that was located underground and looked sketchy as hell. Realistically speaking, any other person probably would have never agreed to come this far.

Dan was unlike any other person, but he was still capable of being sensible. Phil sought to ease his worries.

“There’s this local band that plays here sometimes,” he explained, slowly climbing the steps to reduce the distance between them. “They have a really unique sound that you kind of have to get used to, but they’re really fucking awesome once you get into the mood.”

“A band, huh?” Dan pursed his lips in thought. “What’s their name?”

“Swallow the Goldfish.”

It was unsurprising when Dan began to laugh at the sheer amount of ridiculousness behind such a name. To be fair, even Phil never stopped wondering why the band had chosen to call themselves that, of all things. Surely there had to be a story behind it, but none of that mattered at the moment.

“Yeah, so the name is ridiculous—but I swear that they’re amazing!” he insisted, but he found himself laughing just as much.

“Sure, Phil, whatever you say.” Dan shook his head in disbelief. “And what genre are they, hm? Mermaid dubstep? Underwater symphonies? Wait, wait—I bet it’s lobster rap.”

“Okay, now you’re just being mean.”

In response to that, Dan stuck his tongue out like the little brat that he was. But despite how difficult he was being, Phil would be lying if he said that he wasn’t enjoying the nonstop banter between the two of them.

“Admit that I’m right.”

“Nope,” Phil teased back, “You’ll just have to come inside and see for yourself.”

Without another word, Phil offered his hand and waited patiently while Dan came to a decision. He watched as Dan glanced down at the empty hand, then back up into Phil’s eyes, then at the hand once more. Dan’s fate was sealed when he finally took the hand into his own and allowed himself to be led down the steps, no further questions asked.

From the moment that they stepped into the old pub, the new atmosphere that surrounded them made it a little harder to breathe. Although the room was filled with people, it was a lot different from being in a nightclub with pulsing neon lights and sweaty bodies moving against each other. Here, the experience was more like becoming a single body as everyone jumped to the music at the same time, screaming their lungs out and losing themselves in the incoherent lyrics.

The latter had to be Phil’s favorite part of all, and since they’d arrived in the middle of a song where the leader singer screamed his heart out into the mic, he felt that he was already beginning to lose himself a little. The only thing that kept him grounded was the feeling of a soft hand squeezing his own, and when Phil looked backed, he saw that Dan’s eyes had become wider than the moon itself.

“Is it too much?” Phil asked, yelling as loudly as he could despite how close they were standing. Even so, it was nearly impossible to hear himself speak over the crowd and the music. “We can leave, if you want.”

Dan immediately shook his head at the offer.

“No!” he yelled back, and then surfaced the most excited grin that Phil had ever seen before. “I… I love it! They’re actually not that bad!”

Phil laughed and replied, “Told you so!”

He pretended not to notice Dan’s subsequent eye roll.

They remained standing in the back of the pub for the first three songs. In between each of them, Dan asked questions such as how and when did Phil discover them, how long they’d been active as a band and why weren’t they famous yet. Phil didn’t have the answer to the last question, but even if he did, he could tell that Dan was so absorbed in the music and the atmosphere that he probably wouldn’t have listened, anyway.

“We should try to get closer,” Dan suggested after the third song had ended.

Phil stood on the tips of his toes and squinted at the front of the crowd near the small stage, which had essentially become a mosh pit. Memories of his last mosh pit experience made him shiver a little; those bruises hadn’t disappeared for weeks. When he turned to look at Dan again, whose eyes were twinkling with excitement, he almost wanted to laugh. Sure, they’d only known each other for a couple of hours, maybe even less than that, but it was difficult to imagine someone like Dan in the middle of a mosh pit.

Leaning forward, Phil spoke into the other boy’s ear.

“Are you sure you want to do that? It could be dangerous.”

When he pulled back again, Dan took one look at the smirk on his face and instantly saw it as a challenge. Little did he know that that had been Phil’s plan all along.

“Hey, I’m a lot tougher than I look!” Dan proclaimed.

Hardly a second later, he was pushing through the dense crowd to make his way to the front. Not wanting to be left behind, Phil quickly followed suit.

Time became irrelevant in the middle of the pit. One moment they were right next to each other, and the next moment Phil couldn’t find Dan anywhere that he looked. However, as soon as he stopped looking, Dan would magically reappear as if he’d never been gone at all. Then they’d laugh hysterically and try not to be separated again, yet fail miserably at doing so.

During the cool down when the crowd went back to jumping in unison and head-banging along to the music, Phil looked at the boy next to him and saw that Dan had finally become free—as in, he had reached the point where only the music and the adrenaline pulsing through his veins seemed to matter. Every worry and negative emotion from the night had melted away, leaving nothing but this moment in time where everything felt unreal.

Phil knew this because he felt the exact same way.

At some point near the end of the performance, Phil’s attention was drawn away from the stage when Dan leaned against him, looking quite exhausted.

“Are you alright?” Phil asked, helping the other boy regain his balance. He must’ve sounded far more concerned than necessary, because Dan laughed it off and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah, just—I think I just need a bit of fresh air, you know?”

“Okay,” Phil said, though he kept a firm grip on Dan’s waist just in case. He repeated, “Okay, yeah, we can do that. Um—hey, where did your sweater go?”

Dan stared back at him in confusion before glancing down to see that he was only wearing a plain t-shirt now, the thin sweater that he’d been wearing over it nowhere to be seen. Again, he began to laugh at the situation, most likely a result of the euphoria that would wear off soon enough.

“Oh, I took it off!” he explained. “It got really hot in here and it was suffocating me to death. I didn’t feel like dying, so I got rid of it.”

Phil chuckled at the silly explanation, though he had to agree that he was also sweating more than he wished to be right then.

“That’s okay. Let’s find it so we can get out of here, yeah?”

“Yeah!”

***

They never did find the lost sweater, but surprisingly enough, its owner didn’t seem to mind.

Dan was all smiles by the time that they left the pub, even as the cold winds of winter were merciless towards his exposed skin. He merely wrapped his arms around himself and didn’t complain about the weather, his mind entirely occupied with the amazing experience that they had just shared.

“I-I can’t believe that I’ve n-never heard of those guys before,” he said, speaking through chattering teeth. “They’re, like, r-really awesome!”

“Right? They aren’t that big yet, but I think that someday they will be.” Phil paused before adding meekly, “Also, I’m really sorry about your sweater… I was only hoping to get your mind off of things by bringing you here, but I guess I should’ve warned you beforehand that things can get pretty wild.”

“Are you kidding?” Dan scoffed. “This was the most fun I’ve ever had. Besides, I never really liked that sweater too much, anyway.”

Though he was flattered to hear that Dan had had such a great time, Phil still felt a little bad about the incident.

“Maybe, but…”

“No buts.” Dan took the opportunity to bump their shoulders together, grinning proudly when the action took Phil by surprise. In a much gentler tone, he said, “I had a lot of fun with you tonight, s-so… so thanks.”

Unlike earlier in the night, Dan did nothing to hide the prominent blush on his rosy cheeks, which was nice because he looked so beautiful standing beneath the moonlight with that enticing grin on his face. Once again, Phil felt a little breathless, until he realized that most of the redness on Dan’s face must’ve been caused by his exposed flesh.

“Here, take this.” Phil removed his jacket without a second thought, placing it on Dan’s shoulders instead. “I’m warm enough with two layers, but you look like you’re about to catch hypothermia or something.”

“Wow. Such a gentleman for not wanting me to die out here,” Dan teased; but the way that he couldn’t stop smiling while avoiding eye contact hinted at how he must’ve really felt.

At that moment, Phil suddenly decided that he wanted nothing more than to be able to kiss Dan. The desire grew stronger and stronger with each second that passed, and he wondered if there was any possibility that Dan felt the same way. He thought that there just might be, once the other boy finally looked at him again.

Instead, Dan announced, “All of that moshing made me really fuckin’ hungry. Do you wanna, like, get something to eat?”

Getting food was not the same thing as getting kissed, but Phil’s confidence was given a dramatic boost when he picked up on just how hopeful Dan sounded, even if he was trying to remain casual about it. He obviously didn’t want their night to end so soon, and he hoped that Phil would accept the offer. Yet, little did he know that the feeling was mutual.

“Sure,” Phil answered at last, and he was grinning from ear to ear. “What did you have in mind?”

Dan hummed and shut his eyes as he imagined all of the wonderful possibilities.

“Wherever my stomach leads me, I guess,” he said with a laugh. “Also, it’ll be my treat this time, so don’t go trying to steal the spotlight.”

A second later, Dan spun on his heels and began to lead the way, giving Phil no other choice but to follow close behind. He couldn’t help rolling his eyes at that last bit, either.

“Whatever you say, Daniel.”

***

The place that Dan ended up taking him to served the yummiest chips that Phil had ever tasted, even though they had to go out of their way just to get there. In other words, they had to take two different buses all because Dan insisted that this specific food joint was greater than all others, and well, Phil could admit that he’d been right.

They didn’t stay there for long, though, instead choosing to wander around the area until they came upon a large fountain that, in the words of Dan, was just begging to be sat on. So that was exactly what they did. They sat close together on the fountain, hopping from one topic to the next while sharing the last of their food and not particularly caring about the chilly weather. In fact, it was hardly noticeable with the warm food in Phil’s tummy and the warm boy sitting next to him.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I get the feeling that you’re a bit obsessed with aliens,” said Dan, his voice laced with sarcasm since it was entirely true. Phil had been rambling on about their possible existence for the past several minutes.

Phil rolled his eyes and said, “Okay, true, but not in a conspiracy theorist type of way. Like, I don’t think that they secretly live among us and that the royal family is run by lizard people, no. I just think it’s highly unlikely that we’re the only source of life out there, you know? And that… that the way in which we define life is the same across all galaxies. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah, yeah, I get what you mean. Because, like…” Dan briefly paused to compose his thoughts, his wild hand gestures putting a permanent smile on Phil’s face. “I just can’t imagine humans being the only sapient form of life within the entire universe? Especially since, you know, we’re really fucking stupid. Seriously, we’re the worst.”

“I don’t think we’re that bad,” Phil argued, but then he had to laugh at himself. “Okay, so maybe we are that bad sometimes, but there are tons of good people, too. So, you don’t have to be such a Cynical Cindy about it.”

Just because he could, he teasingly poked Dan in the cheek and smiled even wider when the other boy whined about it, yet did nothing to stop it.

“I’m not cynical, I’m just realistic,” he grumbled.

“Mhm, if you insist. Anyway, now you know that I’m a total alien nerd, so what’s something that you’re obsessed with?”

Dan shrugged. “Nothing, really.”

“You’re lying again,” Phil pointed out, and so he poked him a second time. “Tell me or I’ll bite you.”

Whether Dan believed in the petty threat or not was uncertain, but he eventually gave in after three more pokes and a bit of light tickling.

“Fine, fine!” Dan squealed, once Phil had discovered that his neck was his weak point. “I like… space, I guess.”

Phil raised a brow. “What, like, personal space?”

“Shut up,” he retorted, but it was obvious that he tried not to laugh. “I meant outer space, duh.”

Phil hummed and looked up at the dark night sky. Sadly, the stars weren’t really visible, given the thick blanket of clouds that loomed over the city. Instinct told him that it would begin raining soon. For now, he turned his attention back to the boy sat next to him.

“What do you like about space, then?”

The way that Dan’s eyes lit up at the question told Phil that it was probably rare that he received the chance to talk about his interests to someone who was willing to listen. Or, maybe he talked about them anyway, but no one else really cared.

“Everything, maybe—which is kind of funny, because space is so ridiculous? Like, we can study it for centuries, but we’ll probably never understand everything about it. It’s just too big and we’re too small. If I’m being honest, I guess part of me sort of hates it, too.”

“Yeah?” Phil tilted his head to the side, expressing curiosity. “How come?”

Dan shrugged. “I think because… it really puts things into perspective, like how we like to think that we’re the center of everything when in reality we’re just… a speck of dust, compared to the rest of the universe. Like, we’re basically nothing. Kind of sucks to know that no matter what I do, I’m not really important in the grand scheme of things.”

When he was finished, Dan ran his fingers through his fringe and quietly laughed at himself, seemingly out of nervousness. When he spoke again, his tone was a lot less serious than before.

“Sorry. I know I’m being cynical again, but… it’s just something that I think about a lot, which is really dumb, but yeah.”

Since Dan had gone back to staring down at his shoes, a habit that was simultaneously cute and a nuance, Phil decided to get his attention by gently bumping their shoulders again. Only, this time he didn’t pull away, at least not completely.

“I don’t know if I can agree with that,” he began, tone unchanging from the soft way that he’d spoken before their conversation had turned down a more serious route. “I mean, I kind of like not being that important.”

Dan looked at him as if he’d spoken an entirely different language just then.

“Uh… why?”

Phil actually giggled as he shook his head.

“Well, because it means that I can do practically whatever I want, yeah? Like, could you even imagine how stressful it’d be to actually have a purpose in life, like some superhero? Honestly, it’s a whole lot easier being a ‘nobody’ if you ask me.”

He paused a moment to wait for Dan’s brain to catch up with his words, since it honestly looked as if he was struggling to grasp such a basic concept.

“Plus, even if the universe doesn’t think that I’m important, I know that I’m important to at least one person out there. For now, I guess that’s more than enough for me.”

“I… guess I never really thought of it like that before,” Dan mumbled.

“Hey, same here. I came up with all of that just now, so.”

Phil wasn’t too surprised when just a second later, Dan attempted to shove him off the fountain while calling him out on being a phony. All that Phil could do was laugh and swear that he meant every word of it, even if he’d only said what he thought that he should have. He also pointed out that the ultimate goal was to cheer Dan up, which seemed to have worked wonderfully, so nothing else really mattered. As expected, Dan couldn’t argue against that.

“You know what? You’re really something else, Phil… whatever your last name is.”

“Lester,” he offered with a grin. “It’s Phil Lester, at your service.”

Dan repeated the name twice as if testing it out on his tongue. He must have decided that he liked it, if his eventual smile was anything to go by.

“Dan Howell,” he said in return. “I know it’s a bit late for introductions, but… it’s really nice to meet you, anyway.”

Phil smiled impossibly wider.

“Likewise, Dan Howell. Your surname suits you just as much.”

“Thanks. I think so, too.”

Just like before, as Phil gazed into the big, pretty eyes before him, he became overwhelmed by the desire to lean forward and kiss Dan on the lips. Perhaps the thought should have worried him, because deep down he knew that he was beginning to like the other boy—really like him, even though they’d just met and Dan was barely recovering from a three-year long relationship. It should have worried him, the amount of fun that he was having with the stranger that he’d met by chance, and how hard he may have been falling.

Realistically, Phil would be worried about all of that. Instead, he thought about how London was a place where anything could happen at any moment and if he blinked, he’d miss the opportunity to have something good, even if it only lasted for a single night.

Phil would not let himself blink. He wouldn’t.

Something cold and wet splashed on the bridge of Phil’s nose before he could work up the courage to go through with the kiss. The same feeling hit him on the head, then his cheek and his bottom lip when he realized that the rain had come much sooner than he thought that it would.

“Fuck, seriously?!” Dan cursed up at the sky as if it would understand him and as if it would care. “It’s cold enough already, asshole!”

Phil laughed a lot louder than he’d meant to, but after the amazing yet unpredictable night that they’d spent with each other so far, nothing could ruin his mood at this point. Not even the bit of rain that was quickly turning into a downpour.

“Come on,” he said, hopping up from the fountain and extending his hand for Dan to take. “We should get some place dry!”

Dan, who remained sitting with both of his hands hovering above his head as if that would stop his fringe from getting soaked, easily came to the decision that Phil’s plan was a lot better than his own. Sighing, he accepted the hand and didn’t let go as they abandoned the area and ran for cover.

Unfortunately for them, what they didn’t take into consideration was the fact that it was now past two in the morning and just about every nearby shop and restaurant had long since closed. Phil thought about suggesting that they wait in the underground until the rain had stopped, but thought better of it when he considered the possible dangers of such a place in the middle of the night. By the time that they both ran out of ideas, they were almost completely soaked.

“I hope you know that this is all your fault,” Dan said.

They had temporarily taken shelter beneath the doorstep of a random person’s home along the main road. It was quite the narrow squeeze, meaning that they stood impossibly close in order to avoid the rain as much as they could, but it was incredibly difficult with the wind blowing water in every direction.

Phil gasped at the unfair accusation.

“What? My fault? Since when do I control the weather?”

Dan shrugged, feigning innocence. “Who knows. I just find it funny that the clouds decided to piss on us as soon as you spouted that bullshit about the universe. Do you deny it, then?”

Catching on to the other boy’s game, Phil narrowed his eyes and carefully considered his response. While Dan could maintain quite the poker face, it wasn’t at all difficult to get a reaction out of him if you knew just what made him tick. In the short amount of time that they’d spent together, Phil could safely say that he had an idea on what that thing was.

“Yes, I do deny it,” he finally replied. Just to be a tease, he leaned in so closely that only a few inches separated his mouth from Dan’s. Then he added in a whisper, “Wholeheartedly.”

Just as Phil had anticipated, the complete and utter lack of personal space between them caused Dan’s entire face to go red. He was smiling now, too, and Phil couldn’t help mirroring that smile as he glanced down at Dan’s lips.

Suddenly, one of the cars along the road sped by so fast that it sprayed them with water as it drove over a particularly deep puddle. While Phil hadn’t been too offended by the weather before, he certainly was now as he squeaked in surprise at the unwanted facial. Could the universe really be punishing him? It was starting to feel like that was the case.

Dan, on the other hand, was overcome by a fit of giggles that he could hardly contain despite their current predicament.

“That settles it, Phil—the universe wants to drown us because of you!”

“Not true! I’m a good luck charm, not a bad luck charm.”

“Mhm, sure. We’ll just have to see about that.”

Without explaining what he meant by those words, Dan took off from the doorway and began running down the pavement once more, leaving Phil behind even as he called out to the younger boy. Being ditched like some bad omen was certainly not on the night’s agenda, so Phil pushed away from the door and chased after him. It was then that Dan looked over his shoulder to see that he was being followed, and even on a night as dark as this one, his bright smile shone through.

Never in a million years did Phil imagine that he could have so much fun, running around in the rain so late into the night and chasing a boy that he’d just met, the both of them laughing the entire time. Yet against all odds, here he was. The lonely boy who had waited in front of the restaurant for over an hour felt like a distant memory, even though it had only been a handful of hours since then.

After countless minutes of chasing and laughing and close calls, Phil had finally managed to catch up to the other boy. When he saw his chance, he leapt forward and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist, clinging to him as tightly as their soaked outfits.

“I got you!” he declared, feeling as proud as ever.

Phil half expected Dan to try and escape his clutches or accuse him of somehow cheating, but surprisingly, all that Dan responded with was a breathless laugh before admitting defeat. What was even more surprising was when he turned around, Phil’s arms still around him and the dopiest smile on his face.

Then, Dan kissed him.

It was a quick but powerful kiss, their mouths pressed together so firmly that Phil nearly lost his balance. It was over much sooner than he would have liked for it to be, and then Dan was staring back at him with wide, vulnerable eyes as he waited for a reaction. Or, in other words, waiting for rejection.

Well, rejection was certainly not on the night’s agenda, either. Phil made sure of that when he leaned forward to capture those lips again, one of his hands moving up to rest behind Dan’s neck. He couldn’t help smiling into the kiss when Dan quietly moaned, his own hands desperately gripping at the front of Phil’s shirt.

Once again, Phil never imagined that he would have so much fun while kissing in the rain.

***

“Ow—quit stepping on my foot!”

“Don’t blame me, it’s far too dark in here to see anything.”

“Fine, I blame you and the dark.”

All of a sudden, a pair of teeth clamped down on Phil’s shoulder. He wasn’t bitten hard enough to be in any real pain, but he yelped in surprise nonetheless.

“Dan, I’m warning you.”

The laughter that followed most likely meant that Dan didn’t care for his threats, but if he did, then he simply found them to be quite funny. Recognizing that it was a lost cause, Phil rolled his eyes even though they were currently engulfed in pitch black. Miraculously, he managed to locate the light switch on the wall just a few seconds later.

Dan stood shivering with his back against the front door, eyes squinting up at the bright ceiling light before he lowered them to meet Phil’s gaze. He immediately covered his face with his hands then, an embarrassed laugh escaping him at the same time.

“Oh my god, don’t look at me,” he said. “I probably look like a wet rat with curly fur.”

Phil couldn’t stop himself from laughing at the mental image that he received just then.

“I’m sure that I look much worse. Besides, even if you did look like a rat, you’d be a very cute one.”

“Shut up,” Dan grumbled, but he was obviously trying not to laugh as well. “I hate you.”

Because of the fact that his unbearably soft tone betrayed those words, Phil took no offense. In fact, his smile only widened.

“I’ll be back in a second with a few towels, okay?”

Once Dan had nodded, Phil kicked off his shoes and disappeared down the hallway.

After literally making out on the pavement with cold rain pouring down onto their backs, Dan and Phil had eventually decided that there was a time and a place for everything. Since they weren’t too far from where Phil lived with his housemates and there wasn’t any place else for them to go, that was where they headed. The merciless weather turned their journey into a long and cold walk, but given the fact that they’d held hands the entire time, Phil hardly noticed a thing.

The majority of Phil’s housemates had already gone back home for the winter break, but even if someone else happened to be there, he knew that they wouldn’t bother him until after his guest had left. Even so, Phil tried to move around as quietly as possible, just because it was exciting to pretend that he was trying to keep a secret.

Speaking of his “secret,” Phil noticed that Dan was shivering twice as much by the time that he returned with the promised items. Feeling sympathetic, he took one of the towels that he had been saving for himself and draped it over Dan’s shoulders instead, then used the second towel to dry Dan’s head. As he went about the task in comfortable silence, he noticed that Dan was smiling the whole time. That made Phil smile, too.

“Are you okay?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down Dan’s arms. Although he had stopped shivering, he still looked quite cold.

“Yeah. Just a bit chilly,” Dan replied. He took on a more suggestive tone when he lowered his voice to say, “Maybe you could warm me up?”

“Wow. So smooth,” Phil said, laughing softly.

“Thanks, I try.”

The urge to kiss him had once again become unbearable. This time, there was nothing stopping Phil from doing exactly that. Savoring the moment as best as he could, he softly stroked Dan’s cheek with the back of his hand before gently pressing their lips together. In just an instant, Dan was completely absorbed into the kiss, his arms wrapped around Phil’s neck in an effort to pull him even closer despite the lack of space between them already. The towel that had been placed on his head eventually dropped to the floor, but he didn’t seem to care at all.

Dan was a really, really great kisser, Phil decided. There was nothing timid about the way that he licked into Phil’s mouth and bit down on his bottom lip; he didn’t try to hide the soft noises that he made, nor did he hold anything back when gripping Phil’s hair as the older boy placed kisses all down his neck. Dan was just as expressive as he’d been earlier in the night, perhaps even twice as much.

For instance, one way that Dan expressed himself was by suddenly reaching down and squeezing Phil’s ass. It was so unexpected that Phil paused in his task of leaving a nice sized hickey along Dan’s throat, just to laugh and pull back as he wondered how far Dan was willing to take things.

“Let’s have sex,” Dan blurted out. His eyes were wide and filled with ecstasy.

Well, that certainly answered Phil’s question before he even had the chance to ask it in the first place. He had to admit that he was taken off-guard once again by how direct the other boy had been, leaving him temporarily speechless. Dan, however, mistook his brief silence as a negative reaction and hurried to explain himself.

“Sorry, I-I meant… do you want to have sex? Um, because I get it if you don’t and—obviously you don’t have to, I just thought… um, yeah.”

Honestly, could he get any cuter? You couldn’t blame Phil for laughing at just how adorable a flustered Dan was, and just when Dan started to whine about being laughed at, Phil kissed him again to shut him up. Afterwards, when Dan had been reduced to a breathless, blushing mess of a boy, Phil finally gave his reply.

“Race you to the top of the stairs?”

Although it took a moment, the dazed out expression on Dan’s face eventually shifted to one of pure excitement.

“Okay… but the loser has to go down on the other one first!”

And because he would always be a little shit, Dan gave himself a head start.

***

Phil didn’t think that he could ever stop kissing Dan, even if he wanted to.

After getting each other off—twice—they laid naked in the too-small bed, cuddling and kissing lazily just for the sake of physical contact. Phil could honestly say that he had never been so exhausted, yet simultaneously warm, happy, and content. It was almost as if his mind had slipped into some sort of dream world, one where soft boys with brown eyes had the ability to make his own eyes roll to the back of his head.

“I have to—” Dan was cut off by the soft moan that escaped him, his body trembling slightly with every kiss that Phil pressed into the bruises along his collarbones. “I… I have to tell you something.”

His tone hadn’t come off as urgent, but out of politeness, Phil stopped posing as a distraction and decided to listen.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing bad,” Dan quickly reassured him, “But I thought you should know that, um… well, you’re only the second person that I’ve ever had sex with. Oh, and you’re the first boy that I’ve ever done it with, so…”

“Oh,” Phil responded, mainly because he didn’t know what he was expected to say in this situation. Still, he found it cute that Dan felt the need to tell him this. “Well, for what it’s worth, I thought that you were amazing.”

Even in the dark room, he could tell that Dan was blushing.

“Really?”

“Mhm, really amazing. Loud, too. Very, very loud.”

Hearing that particular feedback, Dan groaned and attempted to hide his face in the pillows out of embarrassment. It had to be the cutest reaction ever, though Phil felt a tad guilty since it hadn’t been his intention to tease Dan about his lack of volume control.

“Aww, don’t be shy!” Phil cooed, and he nuzzled his face against Dan’s neck. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I actually liked it—loved it, even. It was really… sexy. You’re sexy.”

At last, Dan ceased trying to hide behind the pillows and made eye contact again. When Phil smiled down at the other boy, he expected a smile in return. Instead, he received a light punch to the shoulder.

“Ow! What was that for?”

Dan laughed, shrugging. “Dunno, I just felt like it. Now stop being nice or I’ll be tempted to suck your dick again, and my jaw is already sore enough, thank you very much.”

As tired as he was, Phil wouldn’t refuse another blowjob from those lips. But regardless of how he felt on the matter, he simply stuck out his tongue and then rolled onto his back. A moment later, the mattress shifted as Dan rested his head on Phil’s chest, his hand coming up to idly play with the small hairs that were there.

They stayed just like that for the longest time. Dan traced circles in his skin while Phil entangled his fingers within Dan’s curls. When Phil yawned, so did Dan. When he yawned again, Dan followed suit and they both ended up giggling about it until they fell into that comfortable silence once more. By the time that Phil was finally beginning to drift between the lands of sleep and wakefulness, he was brought back down to earth when Dan murmured:

“I never want this night to end.”

Phil hummed in agreement since actual words failed to come to him right then. Unfortunately for him, Dan wasn’t just being sentimental and he really meant what he said. That’s why just a moment later, he was shaking Phil in order to wake him again.

“Hey, get up. It stopped raining and I want to do something fun again.”

He then proceeded to repeatedly poke Phil along his torso and neck until he got what he wanted when Phil sat up.

“But what’s more fun than sleeping?” Phil whined. Rubbing his tired eyes, he took one glance at the alarm clock on his nightstand and thought that he just might die. “And what could we possibly do at five in the morning?”

Dan tapped his index finger to his chin in thought. It didn’t take long at all for him to come up with a plan, much to Phil’s dismay.

“Ever watched the sunrise from Primrose Hill?”

Phil shook his head because he had not. That brought a genuine smile to Dan’s face, and at this point, Phil began to wonder if there was anything that he wouldn’t do for that smile. The answer was already quite obvious.

“Think I’ll have a shower first,” Dan announced, his nose wrinkled in distaste. “I’m all sticky and I smell like I’ve been bathing in cherry juice.”

Phil chuckled at the recent memory that they now shared. As messy as it was, it had been a great experience and he didn’t care that he’d probably have to wash his sheets twice to remove the stains.

“Whoops. Sorry about that,” he said. In truth, he wasn’t actually that sorry at all.

Dan easily picked up on the lie and rolled his eyes, but even he was smiling again. As he stood up from the bed in all his glory, he glanced over his shoulder and said:

“Pick out something cozy for me to borrow, then meet me in the shower. ‘Kay?”

“So bossy,” Phil replied, just loud enough for Dan to hear him as he exited the room.

Nevertheless, he did exactly as he was told.

***

Later on, Phil decided that Dan had been right about Primrose Hill. Watching as the bright sun gradually emerged over the hills and looking out at the London skyline had to be one of the most beautiful views that Phil had ever been given the privilege of seeing. The fact that it was Dan who sat next to him on that bench, head resting on Phil’s shoulder and their hands linked together, made it a thousand times better than it would have been alone.

Overall, he could admit that this was a lot more fun than sleeping.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, breaking the silence that had stretched on between them for some time now.

Dan answered sleepily, “Geography.”

“Geography?” Having not expected that answer, Phil laughed. “Okay, what about geography?”

“Well, you know.” Dan ended that sentence with a shrug and didn’t elaborate until Phil gently squeezed his hand. “I was just thinking that Rossendale and Reading aren’t too close on the map.”

“Oh.” In an instant, Phil’s amused grin had been replaced by a subtle frown. “Yeah…”

They were silent again for several minutes, only now it wasn’t as comfortable as it had been before. For the first time since the previous night, Phil was reminded that he would have to board the train to return home later that day. He wouldn’t return to London until sometime in January, when he’d begin his last semester before earning his degree. The realization that he wouldn’t be able to see Dan for several weeks left a bad feeling in the center of his tummy.

This is ridiculous, Phil told himself. Realistically, it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since the moment that they met. Despite knowing this, it felt as if time had slowed down drastically since then. Like Dan, Phil didn’t want for this to end, either.

“Give me your phone.”

Dan lifted his head from Phil’s shoulder and gave him a curious look. Then, he did as he was told and reached into the pocket of the hoodie that was borrowing for the time being, since his own clothes had been soaked. Once he handed the small device over, Phil typed in his own number and sent a text message to himself that consisted of a single smiley face.

“There,” he said, smiling as he handed the phone back to Dan. “Now you can text me whenever you want. I also have MSN and a skype account, if you prefer to talk on one of those instead.”

Dan stared down at the phone as if it had suddenly become something sacred, something that had to be cherished above all else. When he got over whatever emotions he must have been feeling in that moment, he turned his head and immediately went in for a kiss. Phil gave him exactly what he wanted and more, up until both of them were breathless and had no choice but to pull away.

Then Phil began to giggle.

“What’s funny?” Dan asked, sounding rather amused.

“Nothing, but…” Phil sighed and leaned his forehead against Dan’s, where he wished to remain for as long as time would let him. “Would it be terrible if I said that… I’m actually glad that your girlfriend broke up with you? You know, just because that’s what led us to meeting in the first place.”

“No, I don’t think it’s terrible at all,” Dan answered without hesitation. Teasingly, he added, “Corny, maybe. But not terrible.”

Phil couldn’t keep himself from giggling again. He really was a lot happier than he’d been for quite some time.

“Also…” Dan continued, “I guess I’m kind of glad that your date stood you up.”

Phil gasped at those words, then pretended that he was greatly offended.

“Only kind of? You hurt me, Dan Howell.”

“Fine,” he laughed, “I’m very glad. Happy now?”

Because Phil knew that he was very happy in that moment, along with the fact that he was probably going to continue being this happy in the near future, he smiled just as wide as before and decided that another kiss would only make him even happier. Just before connecting their lips, he whispered:

“Very.”

#phanfiction #phan #phanfic #my fic #ashdfbivcujdfvn #ok it's all good

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