#river is here today maybe leo tomorrow

[hold-him-down]

"He won't tell me what's wrong." - for the dialogue prompt thingy

“He won’t tell me what’s wrong,” Lincoln grumbles into his hands. A volunteer sits on the opposite side of the large metal desk, once occupied by Director Jones, who now sits behind bars awaiting trial. Link has gutted the office, save for all the files, which live in the safe, and this desk, mostly because sitting on the floor day after day felt like he was asking too much of his body. This desk, though, and everything else about this place, is covered in the blood of hundreds and hundreds of workers, and Link longs for the day that it can be burned to the ground. For now, though, he’s at its mercy.

“He won’t tell anyone much of anything,” the volunteer responds. “I tried last night, every time I got within five feet of him I feared for my life.”

Hyperbolic as it is, Lincoln can relate to the frustration.

“He hasn’t eaten,” Link says. The volunteer nods. “He didn’t sleep at all last night?” 

“Not that I noticed.”

He nods again. The options with River are incredibly limited. He is extremely resistant to any sort of help, and each time Lincoln has tried, he’s been met with open hostility that has, in some cases, led to physical altercations. He’s tired, and he’s scared, and he has to be fucking hungry. And, moreover, he’s in pain, although so far he has refused to offer any insight as to why.

Lincoln pulls out his file, printed only for the benefit of having something tangible to look at when he’s at a loss, and opens to the first page. A picture of River, several years earlier, greets him. He looked angry then, too, Lincoln thinks.

“Do you think he’d talk to any of the other residents?” Lincoln asks then. “Has he shown any interest in any of them?”

It’s a dark horse suggestion, but he’s low on ideas. Short of forcing River into an x-ray machine or into an ambulance or drugging him again, he doesn’t see a way around this. 

“No,” the volunteer replies. “He spent all night in his room, refused breakfast, and hasn’t spoken to a soul.”

[mamimiou]

ITS OKAY!! It’s not mine either and your English is so good 😭 AND YEAH ME TOO I ALSO FELT LIKE THAT MEME.

Finalmente!!!

Yeahhh, I was unfortunately there for that guys live and he’s not here anymore so I wish the things that he did wouldn’t impact his character as he’s just completely ignored and out of the picture, yk? And I absolutely hated how he treated Richarlyson those streams when they were Tallulah, it was the worst :/

And yeah! A LOT of eggs have been impacted by losing parents and being alone, and yet they carry it differently. I am not sure about the lore that much because I main Roier, Foolish, and Cellbit; but Pomme and Tallulah have been in similar situations to him no? And they have such a different approach to how they are. A lot of people use his mental health for excuses, but everyone has it bad on the island :/ and I feel like if they were in the receiving end of what his actions ended up causing, they wouldn’t be using it as en excuse. I wish someone would talk to him about it, but for now, it probably won’t happens and I’ve seen a lot of people say that it’s because “BBH is dead” , and when he comes back and continues to act like this what will be the new excuse?

I feel so heard right now because he used to be my favorite egg after leo,, and it’s actually been so horrible to watch him just act this way.

You mention Mariana, and I agree, he was the only other person besides Roier that had experience with an egg and I actually did want him to become a bit more attached to him. But I had my doubts since Roier and Cellbit had created that nightmare mariana meme for Richarlyson, which undoubtedly, gave him a path to be there for when Pepito was meeting him.

I kinda wish he had gotten one of the morning people as his parents as well, maybe like Luzu or Willy (EVEN HIM) just something, since the ADM 07 is rarely even on at that time, but who knows since they practically live on the server. Or even a mom besides rivers because I also follow her content separately and she just isn’t going to do RP or take care of him since she’s not that MC focused yk? Even pol would be great since he used to live on the server before purgatory.

They didn’t really take his parents into consideration and now it’s going to end of affecting him since he won’t be able to make any bonds with other creators like the one he has with foolish and leo jsjcjsjf and a lot of people want pepitobit today but I doubt he’ll show up as Pepito is very timid (also after the last time he tried to hang out with them, it would be a miracle).

I also will forever cherish those months that he was with Foolish and Leo, I actually felt like he was very loved by both of them those few months and Foolish did a great job on focusing on both of them. But that’s just the way foolish is. I kinda wish he’d log in when Foolish or leo pop in tomorrow or today to finish her tasks since I’d rather not watch more of Pepito being the third wheel and being unacknowledged by them, bc I swear each time he’s ignored I feel like a year is taken off my life.

He’s super timid, you’re right! Like imagine if someone you’re following around is complaining about experiencing lag and also feeling sick, I would also not be able to bring up the cookies. He just doesn’t want to pressure Roier.

I did not know about him being mean to Pac or Ramon at all besides the recent one from this week :( oh man that’s horrible. I feel like instead of being upset with his parents or lashing out he should be trying to have a good time with them, because if something happens again they’ll just have a bad memory to hold onto (like the Bbh furniture thing and Cellbit).

I kinda hope that in the future this dynamic changes, or he kinda just steps away from Pepito when he’s with parents because they barely log in anyways, just give him that. And I know someone commented saying, “oh well they’re new, the ADM for 07 is there to make people feel welcome, or the ADM has more power, etc” but everyone added has had experience with Minecraft, he keeps on interrupting meetings with the ones that already have an egg, and I’m pretty sure the ADM for Pepito has the same commands as him but he doesn’t abuse them (like 07 has before to the point where he’s restricted).

It kinda makes me miss the silent rule that we had in the first few weeks of the QSMP where the eggs did NOT log in at all unless they were with their parents. I think that’s why I like leo the most, she only logs on when she’s on the brink of death. And you’d never see Bobby with anyone else besides Roier or Jaiden.

But who knows what will happen in the future, I’m just glad I’m not the only one feeling this way omg ☹️

Does anyone else’s heart break a little for Pepito or is it just me? I really thought he would be closer to Richarlyson because they’re siblings but apparently not. I sometimes get tired of the moments he gets jealous over sharing time with his parents and pepito, it kinda makes him a hypocrite to me.

For each of Pepitos meetings with his parents he has come in and made the attention split between the two, if not even, focus it on himself. I think Q!Carre has been the only one to not give into it and even went on to say that Richarlyson was being a big hater when they talked about the plushies Pepito had. I absolutely mean no hate, but it’s just so boring to see all the time. I guess it just hits more because it’s a sibling dynamic (I also get this way with Tallulah and Chayanne), but I think that is unfair because he also pops on and gets in when Q!Roier is alone with Pepito. Even though it would upset him if it was the other way around and Pepito was invading his space with Q!Cell. It just makes me sad for Pepito because he has to deal with the only active parent he has already having multiple dead kids, and now it’s this constant sharing and there’s not enough building between them. Like last night, Pepito tried to get his attention for the daily routine they have before he logs out but Richarlyson just started spam clicking to get his attention. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one that feels this way lol.

I think I just got so used to how Q!Foolish was with both Pepito and Leonarda the same time that it kinda just made me idk.

It also honestly makes me sad for Empanada a little too, she has to share her mother. And sometimes, Q!Bagi focuses on Richarlyson more.

He’s been so off lately, like how he acted with Q!Pac over Hideduo, now I’m just wondering if there’s any reasoning behind all of it?

As well as the recent event of him destroying Sunny and Leonarda’s Farm. I just don’t understand, even if I saw his explanation. I think I understood Tallulahs approach more. There was no need to use Leonarda’s farm as a lesson. There would’ve been so much hate for Sunny if she had done something like to Richarlyson.

As someone who’s favorite egg was Bobby, I can see that there are some similarities, because Bobby used to upset others and even burned things down, but he’d get in trouble for it and no one puts a stop to Richarlyson.

I just wonder if there is some lore context that I am missing to understand why he is acting this way.

At the end of the day, there’s no reason to even be upset about it because Pepito is probably not even making it to March, and nothing will even change in this dynamic, but it is still upsetting to see.

[ireadyabooks]

Books to Read in 2021

It’s a NEW YEAR, everyone! 

We made it through 2020, and whether or not you hit your reading goal this past year, don’t worry! 2021 is a new year for your TBR, and we have an AMAZING line-up of books you should add to your reading list ASAP.

THE LIFE I’M IN 

This story of the power of forgiveness and second chances presents the unflinching story of a young woman trapped in the underworld of human trafficking. In Sharon G. Flake's latest and unflinching novel, we follow Charlese Jones, who, with her raw, blistering voice speaks the truths many girls face, offering insight to some of the causes and conditions that make a bully. Turned out of the only home she has known, Char boards a bus to nowhere where she is lured into the dangerous web of human trafficking.

HOLD BACK THE TIDE

A darkly seductive story of murder, betrayal, love, and family secrets in a small town in the Scottish Highlands. Alva knows that her father killed her mother, but she can’t prove it. The more she investigates though, the more she realizes that the truth can be more monstrous than lies/ And while you might be able to outrun anything that emerges from the dark water, you can never escape your past . . .

MUTED 

Denver is more than ready on the day she and her best friends Dali and Shak sing their way into the orbit of the biggest R&B star in the world, Sean "Mercury" Ellis. Merc gives them everything: parties, perks, wild nights -- plus hours and hours in the recording studio. Even the painful sacrifices and the lies the girls have to tell are all worth it. Until they're not. Denver begins to realize that she's trapped in Merc's world, struggling to hold on to her own voice. As the dream turns into a nightmare, she must make a choice: lose her big break, or get broken.

THE POETRY OF SECRETS

A lyrical portrait of hidden identities and forbidden love set against the harrowing backdrop of the Spanish Inquisition. Isabel’s dreams to pursue poetry and a partner of her own choosing are thrown into jeopardy when the Spanish Inquisition reaches her small town. 

SHURI #2: THE VANISHED 

Shuri, the Princess of Wakanda (and sister to the Black Panther), sets out to save a group of kidnapped girls in this all-new, original novel by New York Times bestselling author Nic Stone!

BRIDGE OF SOULS

Where there are ghosts, Cassidy Blake follows . . .unless it's the other way around? Cass thinks she might have this ghost-hunting thing down. But nothing can prepare Cass for New Orleans, which wears all of its hauntings on its sleeve. And the city's biggest surprise is a foe Cass never expected to face: a servant of Death itself.

FOLLOW YOUR ARROW

When bisexual influencer CeCe breaks up with her girlfriend, Silvie, she’s devastated. But then she starts falling for a new guy who has no idea she’s internet famous...and CeCe wants to keep it that way. But as her secrets catch up to her, she finds herself in the middle of an online storm, where she'll have to confront the blurriness of public vs. private life, and figure out what it really means to speak her truth.   

MIRROR’S EDGE

The danger rises and the deception grows in the heart-stopping third book in the New York Times bestselling Impostors series! Are twins Frey and Rafi on the same side . . . or are they playing to their own agendas? If their father is deposed from Shreve, who will take control? And what other forces may be waiting in the wings?

ZARA HOSSAIN IS HERE

Zara's family has waited years for their visa process to be finalized so that they can officially become US citizens. While dealing with the Islamophobia that she faces at school, Zara has to lay low. But when her tormentor vandalizes her house with racist graffiti, a violent crime puts Zara’s entire future at risk. Now she must pay the ultimate price and choose between fighting to stay in the only place she's ever called home or losing the life she loves and everyone in it.

REMEDY

It's a mystery - why is Cara so sick? It feels like she's been sick all her life . . . but she and her mom have never stayed in one place long enough for doctors to really understand what's happening to her. Now, at fourteen, Cara is tired of being tired, and sick of being sick. Unable to afford the care she needs, Cara's mom starts a Caring for Cara campaign online. The money starts pouring in. But something's not right to Cara. And the harder she looks, the less she understands.

HEARTSTOPPER VOLUME 3

The third volume in the poignant and sweet Heartstopper series, featuring beautiful two-color artwork! Charlie didn't think Nick could ever like him back, but now they're officially boyfriends. Nick has even found the courage to come out to his mom. But coming out isn't something that happens just once, and Nick and Charlie try to figure out when to tell their friends that they're dating. Not being out to their classmates gets even harder during a school trip to Paris. As Nick and Charlie's feelings get more serious, they'll need each other more than ever.

THE BLOCK

In the second book of The Loop trilogy, Luka is trapped in a fate worse than death. But now that he knows the truth about what he and his fellow inmates are being used for, it's more important than ever that he not only escapes, but that he builds an army.

ON THE HOOK

Hector has always minded his own business while he works towards a better life. Until Joey, whose older brother, Chavo, is head of the Discípulos gang, tells Hector that he's going to kill him: maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday. And Hector, frozen with fear, does nothing. From that day forward, Hector's death is hanging over his head every time he leaves the house. But when a fight between Chavo and Hector's brother escalates, Hector is left with no choice but to take a stand. It's up to Hector to choose whether he's going to lose himself to revenge or get back to the hard work of living.

MISTER IMPOSSIBLE

Do the dreamers need the ley lines to save the world . . . or will their actions end up dooming the world? As Ronan, Hennessy, and Bryde try to make dreamers more powerful, the Moderators are closing in, sure that this power will bring about disaster. In the remarkable second book of The Dreamer Trilogy, Maggie Stiefvater pushes her characters to their limits – and shows what happens to them and others when they start to break.

THE GHOSTS WE KEEP 

Everything happens for a reason.At least that's what everyone keeps telling Liam Cooper after his older brother Ethan is killed suddenly in a hit-and-run. Feeling more alone and isolated than ever, Liam has to not only learn to face the world without one of the people he loved the most, but also face the fading relationships of his two best friends in the process. Soon, Liam finds themself spending time with Ethan's best friend, Marcus, who might just be the only person that seems to know exactly what they're going through - for better and for worse.

SIMONE BREAKS ALL THE RULES

Simone is shaking things up by making a bucket list of everything she hasn’t been able to do thanks to her strict Haitian immigrant parents. But as the list takes on a life of its own, things get much more complicated than Simone expected. She'll have to discover which rules are worth breaking, and which might save her from heartbreak.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

Skylar is ready to show everyone that her latest app is brilliant by winning an academic competition. To do that, she's going to use it to win State at the Scholastic Exposition, the nerdiest academic competition around. But when she falls for one of her team members and things get complicated, is her path to greatness over before it begins?

THE GIRL FROM THE SEA

A graphic novel about family, romance, and first love! Morgan's biggest secret is that she has a lot of secrets, including the one about wanting to kiss another girl. Then one night, Morgan is saved from drowning by a mysterious girl named Keltie. The two become friends and suddenly life on the island doesn't seem so stifling anymore. But Keltie has some secrets of her own. And as the girls start to fall in love, everything they're each trying to hide will find its way to the surface...whether Morgan is ready or not.

RISE TO THE SUN

Three days. Two girls. One life-changing music festival. Toni is reeling in the wake of the loss of her roadie father and desperate to figure out where her life will go from here. Olivia is a hopeless romantic whose heart has just taken a beating (again). When the two collide at the Farmland Music and Arts Festival, it feels like kismet. But when something goes wrong and the festival is sent into a panic, Toni and Olivia find that they need each other, and the music, more than they ever imagined.

YOU & ME AT THE END OF THE WORLD

Hannah Ashton wakes up to silence. The entire city around her is empty, except for one other person: Leo Sterling. Leo might be the hottest boy ever (and not just because he's the only one left), but he's also too charming, too selfish, and too devastating for his own good, let alone Hannah's. Together, they search for answers amid crushing isolation. But while their empty world may appear harmless . . . it's not. Because nothing is quite as it seems, and if Hannah and Leo don't figure out what's going on, they might just be torn apart forever.

IN THE SAME BOAT 

Sadie is ready for the race of a lifetime: The Texas River Odyssey. But then her brother ditches her and she has to pair up with her former best friend, Cully. It's irritating enough that he grew up to be so attractive, but once they're on the river it turns out he's ill-prepared for such a dangerous race. But as the miles pass, the pain of the race builds, they uncover the truth about their feuding families, and Sadie's feelings for Cully begin to shift. Could this race change her life more than she ever could have imagined?

THE GREAT DESTROYERS 

In this alternate-history novel, Jo joins the Pax Games: an Olympics-style competition that pits pilots of mechas against each other. But when fighters start dying in the arena, Jo is drawn into a deadly political plot. In a global arms race between superpowers, playing out in violent games that only humanity could create, comes a chilling story of clashing titans, ruthless competition, freedom, and the girl caught in the middle of it all.

[talkingsong]

Whatever ideas or inspiration you have right now is crucial to your success.

“Wisdom from my oracle cards

Song you should be listening to, Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) by Florence and the Machine- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF6kBNLTvaU

This is the general reading for everyone who comes across this post. Scroll down after this to get a more specific general reading grouped by your zodiac sign.

You are far more capable than you realize, and skilled and smart enough to achieve, let alone survive whatever it is that you may be facing. Obstacles are just tests from heaven questioning how bad you want something. Fight wisely. 

Link to youtube playlist with all songs (in order)-  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4HUIPD1LcE&list=PLPhtmIPBX6Lt4VlVePYVmULkMWiaPyWUS

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ARIES.

The quote that you guys have from my oracle cards says, “Your emotions know the way. Follow them.” Whatever it is that you feel magnetically pulled to is impecable for you to follow at this point. There’s several different situations that this can apply to, though; for those inquiring about love, follow the one your heart belongs to and stop fighting your feelings. Listen especially to the message and the lyrics of the song recommended. For others of you, this really has to do with whatever it is that you’re drawn to regarding self-love. Accept yourself for whatever it is that you’re drawn to! It’s okay! For an Aries rising in particular this has to do with sexuality. It’s important, too, for you to be making some sort of imprint and impact, Aries, so make sure that you are doing that in your everyday life. Keep in mind that whatever it is that your feelings are telling you to follow will cause a lot of inner growth in you. Good luck is on your side, either way. 

Song recommendation: I Found by Amber Run, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj6V_a1-EUA

LEO.

It is the right time for you to be vulnerable and use your words to make a change. Romanticize the small things in life in order to enjoy it more fully. If you’re a dancer or have anything to do with physical movement (maybe fitness? idk) know that the timing is aligning for you and it’s your time to make a difference. Let go of any worry you have by talking about it openly with the people you least want to know you are nervous.

Song recommendation: Forest by Twenty One Pilots, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm5kiVEklGA

SAGGITARIUS.

Be more real- I promise you will be loved. Your habit of feeling or being fake externally is born out of an honest need for approval that needs to be addressed and acknowledged by you. I really feel like the song I recommended will really have some sort of effect on you (and if not it’s just a lit song PERIOD) so more than the other groups I really suggest you listen to it. You might feel the need to change yourself to fit in- or more so, because you feel a need to stand out. Understand that you are not a perfect human being and that you can make mistakes. Open up to the world, and it will open up to you. Stay safe. 

For others of you, you need to face your fears of.. whatever it is that you're afraid of. It could have something to do with social anxiety. But open yourself up and expose yourself to what you’re afraid of with an open mind. It will expand it even further. 

Song you should be listening to: Why by Lily Allen, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNwYRhO8_Dk

GEMINI.

Your purpose lies within whatever makes you feel alive. You aren’t needing what you’re thinking you’re needing right now so go without whatever it is that you’ve been dependent on 

your whole life. No one can make you happy but yourself. The thing that will make you happy is within what makes you feel alive, the thing that is your purpose. Find it. Go down the unforsaken road. Rely on only yourself on your journey. I wish you the best. 

Song recommendation: Wait By The River by Lord Huron, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY50XnGKvRE

LIBRA.

Self improvement, Libra. It’s what you need. But self-improvement does not mean giving yourself up to anyone else. Don’t let outside influences distract you from guiding yourself towards the person that you really want to be inside. Go down the weird path in regards to getting what you want, and just in life in general. Don’t let anyone tell you how you want to live your life. Don’t be afraid to stumble into things, too- sometimes you should go into something without any idea of how it’ll end up. That’s what your life is supposed to be, Libra, so stop fearing fucking up. 

Song recommendation: Dreamers by K.Flay, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4HUIPD1LcE

AQUARIUS.

Break out of anything that binds you. Someone in this group stutters and whoever here has a stutter needs to know that your perspective is unlike any other person on earth’s and your energy is just weird and jumbled enough to make a difference. That message also applies to anyone who lives right next or near to train tracks or a train station. For most of you, the message is that you need to break away from a current friend you have or a current friend group that you’re in and find someone better by putting yourself out there and talking to people that you’ve never talked to before. Release and repeat. Listen to your intuition and release self-doubt. It’s stopping the revolution in your soul.

song recommendation: Shut Eye by Stealing Sheep, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7Kx4d1ihhs

VIRGO.

Allow yourself to grieve and to feel sad and heavy. It’s okay. It’s time for it now. It’s safe for you to do so, and no, being sad today does not mean that you will be sad tomorrow, I promise you, feel your feelings- they are here to help you and they are not dangerous. You will understand your way out of them easier once you allow yourself to drown in them. The more you find yourself dipped underneath the ocean and the waves, the easier it will be over time to break towards the surface. Become the master of this within your own mind. You are safe. So prove it to yourself. 

You are what this world needs, so become what this world needs through this process. I promise you, you’re already exactly where you need to be. Enjoy yourself and enjoy the sadness and pain understanding that it is a temporary state designed to aid you in your process of transformation into the person younger you would have looked up to and admired whole-heartedly. 

Someone loves you, Virgo, so take it as it comes.

Song you should be listening to - Riptide, Vance Joy, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdsdgL4_wuY

TAURUS.

Keep in mind that your problems are not caused by you but by the world at large and yes, you have permission to blame the universe. Anger will not tear it in half. It fucked you over! God fucked you over! Anger is essential to any relationship with any religion and is perhaps the most important step in spirituality- FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS. And watch how the thing that you dedicated your life to and then turned on doesn’t react to your frustration. It is stable. You are stable. You’re okay. You’re okay! For right now, though, understand that life sucks. Don’t be afraid to care about things that you really care about too, taurus. Be sincere!

Don’t feel like you need to be the person responsible for every little thing going wrong in your life. Sometimes it’s healthy to blame something else until you move past the problem and then gain hindsight which teaches you what it is that you’re supposed to know from going through this situation. You can’t understand the meaning of a lesson when you’re right in the middle of it. Take some pressure off your back and understand that it isn’t your fault, therefore, the only thing you’re responsible for is your own happiness. For the person here that is a parent, please reach out and get another to help you take care of your child and do not be afraid to take time to take more care of yourself. 

Song you should be listening to: Everything’s Just Wonderful by Lily Allen, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMDqZalQ56c

CAPRICORN.

Well. Capricorn. We... We meet.. again....

Your dreams need to be bigger. Whatever you’re going towards needs to be so huge that it borders unimaginable. Because anything you can dream you can do, because as much as I hate to admit it because y’all are capricorns and I’m a cancer and I fucking hate capricorns oh my god earth signs suck, (I’m kidding,) you have a fantastic work ethic and approach to life that BEGS success. Understand that even if you make a shot in the dark you will make it, for people applying to jobs you will get it. And if you don’t get it that means that there’s something better waiting for you. 

I also feel like you need to balance work and play because you need to be stimulating every aspect of your personality (if that makes sense) in order to pull this off. For example, during your day and your daily routine, make sure that you have a time set aside for you to play with different aspects of yourself. Say you have a strong inner child. Put aside some time in your daily schedule to do a puzzle or eat ice cream- just anything that makes that part of you light up. Say you have a stronger sexual side. Weird as it sounds, set aside time in your day for that. Say you love true crime and being analytical. Watch a true crime show episode or research a quick mystery before going to work every morning. Understand what I’m saying? When you pull aside attention to every different aspect of yourself, every aspect will pull attention to you, and it will be so much easier to be productive and passionate when working for what it is that you want. (Hopefully this advice makes sense?) Wish you the best. Focus on your career this month!

Song recommendation- Are You Satisfied? by Marina and the Diamonds,  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHi1kGbWo9Q

CANCER.

Okay, your turn for shadow work. “Oftentimes, external conflicts are caused by internal problems.” Look within yourself and see what situations in your life are the product of inner feelings that you refused to deal with or just ignored completely. Do some reflecting- and come out the other side much more self-aware about what it is that you need to know about yourself in order to move forward into your season. This is your season, cancer! Own it.

Song recommendation: Soldier by Ingrid Michealson, 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHWQ9-OJH5E

SCORPIO.

DO NOT BE AFRAID TO BE ECCENTRIC. Don’t be afraid of how you come across. You will feel so much more motivated once you try the things that you were sort-of-thinking-of-doing-but-also-sort-of-not. Do them. That includes learning Japanese, you procrastinating fuck, you. You know who you are. 

As far as the new moons and eclipses go, feel free to just chill. Y’all probably already did your shadow work (or are due to do it at a different time) so if this resonates for you, don’t be afraid to do nothing but exist on this floating rock in space that we call the world. It’s not lazy cause being alive is considered productive. 

Song recommendation- 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHwOTK4VLqw

PISCES.

Don’t delay your future by staying in your comfort zone! I know it can be scary- but if you live in your own world for the rest of your life, how will you ever experience anything outside of that? Dare yourself to try something new. Alternatively, dare yourself to try something so new and so scary that it completely shifts your worldview and perspective. Just a thought. Take it how it resonates. At any rate, spiritual awakenings are on the horizon for you, pisces, so understand that whatever comfort zone you’re in right now will inevitably be shattered. The upside of that happening is that by the end of that, the entire world and all the unknown and scary will become your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to live, my friend. The world has your back. 

Song you should be listening to: Sarah Smiles by Panic! At The Disco, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB9ArM4xUjg

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[punkscowardschampions]

Hathor & Sekhmet

Hathor: About to slap myself so you'll feel it Hathor: wherever you are ain't where you should be Sekhmet: what im sleep Sekhmet: 😴😴😴 Hathor: wake up 👊🏽 Hathor: you asked me to meet you, remember? Sekhmet: I think that's tomorrow Sekhmet: I said Wednesday, right Hathor: That's today Hathor: you blackout past Tuesday? Sekhmet: You're joking Sekhmet: well then, that means I've got a deadline I gotta meet and not a whole lot of time for brunch dates Hathor: you're joking Hathor: I cancelled on a fine boy for you Sekhmet: it's so early you got time to hit it back Sekhmet: I know I didn't tell you I'd meet you at the crack of dawn Hathor: you didn't and you're late af still Sekhmet: chill sis, I'll make it up to you Hathor: yeah Hathor: anyone else'd be offended you don't ever want to have a sober conversation Hathor: but I'll see you in the club Sekhmet: girl, chill 😂 Sekhmet: how fine was he that you're all kinds of vexed with me Sekhmet: don't even care how I'm gonna make it up to you, oh my days 🥴🍆🧠 for real Hathor: he's got prospects, I'm not saying any more than that if you're not coming out 👅 Hathor: I'll care how you're gonna make it up when you next show up for real Sekhmet: ugh! living up to your name 🐮 Sekhmet: bitch I'm busy 😏 the juggle is real Hathor: you know I don't say that shit lightly except once in a blue moon, however fine a lad be looking Hathor: but if you don't wanna hear it Sekhmet: is he 🧑🏾🧑🏿 Hathor: 🥛 Hathor: nobody is more surprised than me Sekhmet: 👏🙌 yay Sekhmet: I told you, white boys are the best Sekhmet: they treat us like 👸 Hathor: It's his Irish accent tricking me Hathor: I gotta take a trip back and cure myself Sekhmet: awh, you're homesick, precious Sekhmet: now it makes sense why you wanna tie me down Hathor: can barely understand him he's from so far north, more likely that Sekhmet: throwback 📟 📠 📺 📻 Hathor: get the psych dept to pull their shrink shit on me about it Sekhmet: You wanna be just like Vee, sorted Sekhmet: take my PhD now 💁 Hathor: be more disrespectful! first you stand me up and then put that out there Sekhmet: 🤭 you've got a ways to go, even if you're rolling mad extra today Hathor: I didn't ask 👼🏽💘 to 🎯 me up in the 🍑 Hathor: got my own things I'm busy with Sekhmet: love is magic 💖 Sekhmet: don't be complaining in my inbox when I'm tragically single Hathor: I've been serving and swerving him for long enough I thought I'd succeeded, there's the complaint Sekhmet: 🙄 you can't ❌ feelings bitch Hathor: white boys are a different animal, I ❌ the fear of Sekhmet: 😍😍😍 Hathor: I'm not here to be treated like a 👸🏽 if that's one step away from being called 'exotic' Hathor: there's nothing sexy about a power imbalance Sekhmet: most girls would disagree, babe Sekhmet: why do you wanna be run of the mill every day when we been #blessed with this 🔥 Sekhmet: all black guys wanna chat about is my light-skin privilege and their black man struggles, I can't 🥱 Hathor: fetishization like that ain't foreplay I'm interested in Hathor: 👑 me for other reasons than my melanin Sekhmet: insecurities SNAPPED, I'm sure he likes you for more than your skin, you crazy Hathor: he likes me for how I pour measures rn Sekhmet: racial Sekhmet: that's why everyone likes you 💃💃💃 Hathor: on account of being a poor student not Northern Irish, don't be biting the hand that feeds your blackouts Sekhmet: my white boys always pay Hathor: #blessed innit Sekhmet: 👸😇 tings Hathor: which white boy you with ignoring your deadline then? Sekhmet: whoever it is they've gone to work Sekhmet: but they left a 💳 with their cute note so I know I'm in a good postcode still 🙏 Hathor: so come meet me and spare mine, that's the right thing to do Sekhmet: just 'cos it's good doesn't mean I'm not lost still, damn Sekhmet: hold on and let me get dressed and get my bearings Hathor: if your phone ain't drained I can use it to get your bearings while you serve a look Sekhmet: who doesn't have a charger in their hoe 👜 PLEASE Hathor: you didn't know what day it was, can't blame me for 👶🏽ing Sekhmet: where would I be without you 😘 Sekhmet: mum hasn't phoned me in ages actually, it's so rude Sekhmet: I missed the last few but still Hathor: I hit her with your highlights, creatively Hathor: like how I won't mention a white boy making me feel like a baby 🐮 that can't walk Sekhmet: 😶😶 Sekhmet: dad would 😥 Hathor: and she'll 🙌🏽 harder than you've done Sekhmet: facts are facts Sekhmet: look at her dad, Vee's... Hathor: cliches are tired and stereotypes are damaging Sekhmet: @ your white boy with the 👋 then booboo Sekhmet: I think dad's in town working today, you wanna come for dinner with us? 🥂 Hathor: he's not mine to command in or out 👅 Hathor: yeah 🍾 will help Sekhmet: I'll teach you Hathor: those twin stereotypes are damaging too, like Sekhmet: oh hush, I only tried to 💋 you ONE time and we were like babies and that boy was the first great love of my life Sekhmet: anyway, you're like hot but not my types type these days, you know Hathor: that boy was trash Hathor: you levelled up fast though Sekhmet: awh, don't be rude, I have fond memories Hathor: I have loads of him trying to ask me out at the same time Sekhmet: oh yeah Sekhmet: I forgot that happened Sekhmet: his hair was gorgeous though Hathor: it was Sekhmet: good times Sekhmet: my new guy, not this one, the actual one, looks like old school Leo, I SWEAR Hathor: Yeah? Sekhmet: like Leo and a bit of River and Ryan Philippe in Cruel Intentions Sekhmet: 🥰🥰🥰 Hathor: love of your life material Sekhmet: definitely Sekhmet: he's a trader in the city and his apartment is 😱😱😱 Hathor: what's the age range this time? Sekhmet: he's only 26, it's mad how successful he is already Hathor: he sounds like the full 🎟 Hathor: any catch? Sekhmet: only technically Hathor: technically he's a 🤖? Sekhmet: ha, he totally has the stamina of one Sekhmet: he can keep up with me, almost 😉 Hathor: 👌🏽 he's perfect Hathor: fucking hell Sekhmet: no need to be jealous when you're 🥰 yourself Sekhmet: what does he look like? Hathor: Tall enough Hathor: more like a 🥊 than a 👼🏻 Sekhmet: you really do wanna do great grandpa Sekhmet: jk, he sounds so you Hathor: he does work for the main brewery that supplies us, maybe I do Hathor: Jesus Christ Sekhmet: 😂😬 processing that Sekhmet: not really though, every boy I've ever dated has been like dad, it's unavoidable tbh 💁 Hathor: in our postcode nobody's trying very hard to be anything else Hathor: 💰💳💎🍾 Sekhmet: why would they? Hathor: they wouldn't and they aren't, it'd be terrifying for any of those boys to step out Sekhmet: 🙄 you aren't going to throw yourself down a ladder when you're at the top, babe Hathor: wouldn't kill them to give other people a hand up though, they just act like it Sekhmet: 🥱 when's your deadline? Hathor: my work's done Sekhmet: then button it, loser Sekhmet: you wanna eat out on this nice rich boy's 💳 Hathor: ETA of 15 on getting to you Hathor: you best 🚿 Sekhmet: way ahead of you 🛀 Sekhmet: door's unlocked, our breakfast will hopefully be on the table when you get here Sekhmet: love ubereats Hathor: 🙌🏽 Sekhmet: you can bring it through, the view in this bathroom is immense Sekhmet: thought getting the driver to bring it to the tub was unlikely Hathor: he probably would but it's unlikely I'd recover from walking in on it Sekhmet: 😘 Sekhmet: do fuck with an asian boy Hathor: you don't know he will be Hathor: might not even be a lad Hathor: but if it is, guarantee they'll send the most unexpected one Sekhmet: it usually is, your stereotypes be damned Hathor: what are you gonna bet? Sekhmet: the Belgian 🧇s Hathor: you're on Sekhmet: sometimes you shock me with how green you are, Hath Hathor: back to putting disrespect on me, what a nice truce while it lasted, like Sekhmet: I mean, you know I can see the driver on my app, babe Sekhmet: no points for guessing where Hassan is from Sekhmet: you can have the 🧇s anyway Hathor: you know I can read your thoughts, the playing field is level Hathor: and anyway I like green, that's my boy's eye colour Sekhmet: been gazing into them longingly across the bar have we🤭 Hathor: maybe Sekhmet: so cute Sekhmet: hope this one doesn't have a fiancee Sekhmet: or a maid who thinks we've broken in Hathor: if he does he better break that eye contact with me Sekhmet: I meant Mr Black Card, don't worry Sekhmet: he's a student, yeah? he won't be Hathor: he's only got a year on us, I don't predict an engagement Sekhmet: yeah, doubt it Hathor: outside of our family people aren't usually that extra Sekhmet: some of the asian internationals are but they usually cheat if their intended ain't here yet so Hathor: Yeah Sekhmet: what even does an engagement mean anyway Sekhmet: not much, right Hathor: a flash 💍 Hathor: what's my course teaching me if I don't know the statistics on how often a wedding follows? Hathor: shows how outdated it is Sekhmet: he gives me that anyway Hathor: I'd take a phone number and be happy with it for now Hathor: but it's probably the party and that whole flex too, right? Sekhmet: the dress Sekhmet: but it's irrelevant if it doesn't happen, like you said Hathor: 🎁🎁 even if it doesn't if people bring them for the engagement as well, but you're not going short of any Sekhmet: right Sekhmet: 😥 if you need a wedding for attention Hathor: Jay's birth mum QUAKING Sekhmet: omg I bet that's EXACTLY what his fiancee is like Hathor: does he ever speak about her? Sekhmet: obviously not Sekhmet: but she must never come up from wherever they're from because I'm like ALWAYS over so Hathor: maybe she doesn't know about this place Hathor: old school Sekhmet: Who knows Sekhmet: can't be my problem Hathor: Yours is the day you've missed, like Hathor: what's the assignment? Sekhmet: design some sportswear line Sekhmet: got to get the sketches in by 5, but all I ordered for me was a shit ton of coffee, it'll be fine Hathor: more productive if I stay or go? Sekhmet: you've already missed your date, you may as well stay Hathor: okay Hathor: am the sportier one Sekhmet: how are you 😂 Hathor: ⚽⛹🏽🚴🏽🥊 Hathor: why dad loves me more than you Sekhmet: now I know you're talking nonsense 😏 Hathor: True, he loves Vee and she never gets off her chaise Sekhmet: and she doesn't even love him back Hathor: poor dad Sekhmet: yeah Hathor: what time's dinner with him? Sekhmet: I'll ask him when he wants to go Hathor: about to come up, so whatever you were planning for Hassan, this is me Sekhmet: regrettably noted

[firephoenix39]

Chapter 7: The Chinese Expidition

9:00 PM Liuzhou,China 583 miles to Fuzhou in the fujian province in mainland China.

The brothers were sleeping while Adrian Aviva,Koki and jimmy were still awake Adrian  just finished making a shocking mechanism that fits in the gloves for his creature power suit when ever a animal attacks him or the team that it stuns the animal sending a mild shock but when Zach Varmitech's Zach-bots are in involved it sends a shock to disable the robots completely.

Aviva: Hey Adrian whatcha Making there?

Adrian: oh it's a shock gauntlet whenever a wild animal tries to attack us it stuns the animal for a few moments it's use is a last resort,but when it comes to Zach or anyone who tries to hurt us it incapacitate the villain and shuts down Zach's robots instantly.

Aviva: smart but I would be careful with that alright.

Adrian: alright Aviva I hear you only as a last resort.

It was 9:50 pm Adrian, Koki, Aviva and jimmy were tired Adrian told everyone good night and hugged Aviva before he went to sleep.10:20 pm Adrian was done praying and drifted to sleep and started to dream in his dream he was in a forest that represents his peaceful setting there was a river in front of him and trees all around him the sun was in the middle of the sky birds and wildlife were frolicking. Adrian climbed up a tree and relaxed listening to the birds chirping until he felt something heavy on his chest he opened his eyes and to his surprise there was a tiger right in front of him he was shocked but the tiger surprisingly did not attack he was just staring into Adrian's eyes

It was like he was controlling the tiger and he realized that he can some how have a spiritual link between the big cats which is lions, tigers,leopards cheetahs,panthers, and jaguars. He then climbed down and walks away but the tiger follows and sits besides him Adrian pets the cat and allows him to pet his fur coat felt soft and fuzzy than Adrian stopes and gets back up and then every big cat there was gathered around him and a bright light pulses and they disappeared Adrian's pupils go big an return to normal he has the spirit of the big cats.

6:30 am Adrian woke up in shocked he then looks around and sees that Jimmy, Koki,Aviva and Martin were still sleeping. He then gets a notification on his phone about the weather in fujian, no rain clouds calm winds and hot temperatures. He then gets dressed and starts to get an apple until he sees a note from Chris

(In note) to anyone who reads this I've gone out to explore if you want to catch up to me I'm near by the river see you there

From Chris Kratt.

Adrian grabs his vest and gloves, his pouch with creature power discs and shocking gauntlet inside and his translating device

And heads out into Fuzhou

Adrian was walking around the forest it was kind of peaceful but at the same time he was on guard aware that any animal can strike him he then hears a girls voice in the distance

He goes to check it out and ends up finding the girl she was about Adrian's age and have beautiful hair

???: (Chinese translated to English) hi my name is Jingfei what's your name?

Adrian: hello my name is Adrian I live in America my group and I are visiting Your country.

Jingfei: I can see that what puzzles you Adrian are you looking for someone?

Adrian: well earlier one of my friends in my group headed out and left a note to meet him at the river do you know where it is?

Jingfei: yes it's deeper into forest if you want I can go with you.

Adrian: thank you we better get a move on

Adrian and Jingfei walked into the forest and got to know more about each other.

Adrian: so where were you born Jingfei.

Jingfei: I was born in the capital City Beijing in 2004 in June 5,but we had to move cause of the  there was so much violence at the time that's why we moved to fujian where were you born in Adrian?

Adrian: I was born in Texas in august 13 2004 a state in America in a city called Laredo its a small Bordertown near Mexico but my parents moved to another city called Corpus Christi and a few days ago my parents passed away and I live with this group that I'm with now. Yesterday we were at South Korea and we thought to visit China next.

Jingfei: oh I'm sorry to hear about your parents So what are you and your group going to do here?

Adrian: oh we study animals and I got a tip that there are tigers here in this province.

Jingfei: oh that makes sense Um Adrian do you have friends or any girlfriends back at America?

Adrian: um no besides my group I don't have any friends also can I ask you a question can you speak English?

Jingfei:(speaking English) yes I can can I tell you something Adrian.

Jingfei gets close to Adrian's ear and whispers to him.

Jingfei: Meet me at the river to tomorrow.

Jingfei goes back home in to the city leaving him in the forest.Adrian blushes and got the feeling that she likes him. He then walks around the riverbank waiting for Chris but little did he know that he was watching him from the trees.

Chris: hey Adrian

Adrian: gah Chris where'd you come from

Chris: I was up in the trees and got to say I think she likes you.

Adrian: really (in thought) so that's why she wanted to meet me here tomorrow.well Chris um she did ask me to meet me here tomorrow you might have a point.

As the duo were talking little did they know that a tiger was creeping up on them he was about to prance on Chris but Adrian was able to save him and both avoided the tiger's claws Adrian puts Chris behind him and the tiger was growling at Adrian but still he stood his ground and then the tiger layer down

He managed to tame the beast.

At first Chris was surprised and impressed that Adrian was able to tame a tiger.

Chris: how were you able to do that?

Adrian: I don't really know it seems like I have a spiritual connection with them maybe it has to do with the month I was born in.

Chris: wait what month were you born in? You never told me or Martin.

Adrian: I was born in August I was born a Leo but what's weird is that I was born in to a fierce animal and to an element of fire but I just crave to live in the ocean.

Chris: well I don't know how to tell you but we all crave for something different.

Adrian: thanks Chris.

Chris: no problem from little brother to little brother.

Chris and Adrian activated the tiger creature power suit and Adrian was surprised to have the strength of the tiger but he noticed that his canes teeth got long and sharper and started to feel weird like he needed to run

Chris: Adrian are you feeling alright?

Adrian started to act like a tiger and went on all fours he than ran away with Chris chasing him

Chris: ADRIAN COME BACK !!

Adrian tried to get the tiger instincts out of his head but the suit took over him. He stopped and circled Chris in a fighting stance

Chris: Adrian please I don't want to fight you fight the instinct.

Adrian: Chris I cant fight it just run away I don't want to fight you ether.

Than Adrian's pupils turned wide and the tiger instinct took over him and still in his fighting stance He than strikes Chris and ends up scratching him, Chris tries swing back but Adrian evaded and knocks out Chris he then ran away. Adrian ran to an abandoned cave and tried to deactivate but the button didn't work he tried everything to get it off but he just founded out that the suit is connected to his nervous system and if he damages a limb it hurts him too he than lays down and started sobbing due to letting the instinct control he then heard a voice

???: Adrian ... Adrian where are you?

Adrian got back up and peeked out of the cave and saw Martin calling him he ran to Martin, but in fear of the instinct coming back he climbed up a tree and called him out

Adrian: Martin I'm up here but don't get to close.

Martin: look I'm here to help you but tell me what happened.

Adrian: look as soon as I transformed I had a weird feeling I'm my mind and I felt like I was an actual tiger And also the pointy part of my teeth grew and became sharp similar to the tigers.

Martin: well as that's strange Chris, Aviva, Koki and I never went through anything like that.

Adrian: I might have a theory to that now I think that maybe it has to do with my age I'm still 15 and I won't turn till august and we are in the middle of June so anyway since I'm still young the instinct got to me more since I was going through some emotions.

Martin: you could have a point but get down I can help you deactivate.

Adrian was hesitant to get down due to fear of the instinct taking over his mind but he gets down the tree and allows Martin to help later he deactivated and was happy to be on two legs again and starts to hug him.

Adrian: thanks Martin so how is Chris is he ok? Did I hurt him to bad?

Martin: well you gave him a bruise but so far he is doing ok.

Martin and Adrian headed back to the Tortuga and Adrian was devastated to what he did to Chris but the two made up and became friends again.

The next morning Adrian woke up early and went to the spot Jingfei told him to meet from yesterday and waited for her he then sees her walking to the spot and quickly ran up to her.

Adrian: it's good to see you again Jingfei I missed you.

Jingfei: I missed you to Adrian so what do you want to do today?

Adrian: well I want you to meet my group if it's alright with you.

Jingfei: that's quite alright.

The couple walks back to the HQ and started to have a conversation.

Adrian: so where and who are your parents

Jingfei: about them I have to tell you something

You see my parents also passed away when I was 14 a few weeks ago.

Adrian: oh I'm sorry to hear so we are the same all children lost in the real world.

Jingfei: you have read my mind Adrian.

Adrian: but do you have any relatives or anyone to live with?

Jingfei: yes but my grandma has a few more days left she is 99 years old.

Adrian: oh I'm sorry to hear but hey I'll be with you when that day comes. Hey um can I have your phone number?

Jingfei: sure thank you for your understanding Adrian.

The couple were close to HQ till Adrian stopped and grabbed Jingfei's hands.

Jingfei: wait why have you stopped?

Adrian: Jingfei I want to ask you a personal question Will you be my girlfriend.

Jingfei and Adrian blushed she cried tears of joy.

Jingfei: (sniffling and sobbing) Yes Yes I will.

Adrian got close to Jingfei and started to kiss her meanwhile the Kratt brothers were about to walk out till they saw Adrian kissing Jingfei and walked back inside to give them space.

Adrian and Jingfei stopped kissing and pressed on.

Adrian: hey guys I want you to meet Jingfei

Jingfei: hi there I've always wanted meet you

Chris, Martin,Aviva,koki, and jimmy introduced themselves.

Chris: so how long have you been living here

Jingfei: I have been living here ever since I was 5 years old.

Adrian asked the crew to step out to talk to them.

Adrian: guys I need to tell you this but Jingfei lost her parents when she was 14 a few weeks ago she has been living with her grandma but she won't have much time to live but I feel like I should stay with her till the day comes.

Chris: thanks for the warning but we will be prepared.

It was 11:59 pm Adrian and the crew were asleep till Adrian's phone rang and woke up the crew.

Adrian:(in phone call) hello?

Jingfei:(sobbing) Adrian you need to come my grandma is in the hospital.

Adrian: what? I'm on my way what hospital are you at?

Jingfei: Fuzhou general hospital

Adrian: alright I'm on my way.

Adrian: guys Jingfei's grandma is in the hospital I've got to go.

Chris: wait I'll go with you it's dangerous at night.

Adrian grabbed his translating device and left with Chris to the hospital; they met up with Jingfei and saw doctors tending her grandmother.

Jingfei: thank you You two for coming

Adrian: what happened to her Jingfei?

Jingfei: well I was watching tv and then she was calling me to her room to talk to me then she had a bad chest pain and I called the ambulance.

Jingfei went back into the room to be with her grandmother while Adrian and Chris were in the hallway.

Adrian:Chris I don't want to sugar coat this but Jingfei probably has to come with us.

Chris: ok I don't mind more people joining us but why are you telling me this?

Adrian: well before we came to China I searched up that once a orphaned child is 15 they kick them out of the orphanage basically to fend for themselves.

Chris: oh why do they do that?

Adrian: supposedly China's population is always expanding cause people always want to have children so the government proposed a rule that maximum capacity for children is two if they have more they would ether kill them or adopt.

Chris: wow China is a messed up country the more you think about it.

Adrian: you said it.

Jingfei: Adrian she wants to see you.

Jingfei and Adrian stepped in the room and Adrian was getting flashbacks to when his parents died he then started a conversation with Jingfei's grandma ChangYing

ChangYing:( traditional Chinese translated to English) hi I am ChangYing it's nice to meet you Adrian.

Jingfei: she is introducing her self to you.

Adrian: hi I am Adrian it's nice to meet you miss Ying.

ChangYing: I see that you are well aquatinted with my granddaughter I want you to make me a promise before I leave.

ChangYing was sighing heavily and showing signs that she is passing.

Adrian: I'll do anything miss Ying just tell me and I will do it.

ChangYing: take care and never leave Jingfei I hope you to be happy with each other for the rest of your lives and Jingfei I love you my little Xiao Hua I will be waiting for you.

ChangYing gives a necklace pendant of her and her mother's picture on both sides to Jingfei and starts to slowly close her eyes, the heart monitor goes off showing that she has no pulse and that her heart stops.

Jingfei kisses her forehead right before doctors covered her face with the blanket and rolled her bed away to the morgue.

Jingfei hugs Chris and Adrian for attending.

Adrian: you can come with us so you won't have to be living poor.

Jingfei: thank you Adrian (sniffling) can you take me home so I can gather my clothes I don't have much.

Chris: it's the least we can do.

1:35 am Chris and Adrian takes Jingfei to her house to collect her clothing and they all headed to the Tortuga in the forest.

[totallyrealhoroscopesdaily]

1/27/2018 Horoscope

Aries: You have no answer for “why you”, so you don’t respond. He probably need space, anyway. (You also don’t want to face that hurt, you don’t care to respond) His daughter died and here’s someone who can’t die, at least not for long, to rub salt into the wound that she’s gone and you’re still here. You... don’t like this. 

Taurus: Hee hee hee. Ha ha ha. Hu hu hu. That isn’t your fault. N’est-ce pas? “Ich verstehe nicht” 你说。Du verstehst, mais tu ne le sais pas, but you do know it. 你很高兴。Es ist gut, c’est drôle, it’s fun. 

Gemini: You wonder if you can eat the beautiful thing. That’s a weird thought. You don’t think that you would think that thought. But what do you know, maybe that thought is a thought that you’d think, you can’t be certain what you’d think or think to think of. This thought you’ve thought is just as likely for you to think as other thought about thoughts, and to think otherwise of this think is to think of thinking, which is almost a form of madness of thought, and you are stopping now because neither thought nor think sound like real words anymore. You disregard that thoug- that wondering, because it’s probably a bad idea to try to eat the beautiful thing.

Cancer: Tomorrow is Sunday. You remember that means there’s going to be a game. You also remember that Ridali was a big part of the field’s eating habits(?), but he’s not down there. You ask him what’s going to happen. He smiles at you and cheerfully announces that he doesn’t know, not yet at least, but it won’t be good. You are not comforted.

Leo: You tell Fira about the possible new recruit over bar food that you pay for, because she bested you today. She makes almost the exact same conflicted grimace that you probably did when you found out. She does agree to help out, after it’s just as much her job as yours. You’ll meet the guy, you’re told it was a guy, tomorrow. You sigh fuck very softly, but with passion. 

Virgo: Another pro for running a bakery: the happy noises people make when they bite into some of your confections. A con for running a bakery: getting up at ass o’clock in the morning to get everything ready. You are not a morning person. But, as you clutch your energy drink and watch one of your first customers of the day enjoy your hard work, you think that this con is outweighed by the pro.

Libra: You spend the day trying to find a lawyer for Kaimana. Notice you said a lawyer, not a good lawyer, just any lawyer at all, because apparently, finding a lawyer who will take on a kelpie for a client is like finding a needle in a haystack. Worse, actually, because you can’t even use a magnet or a flame to make the job easier on yourself. Each time you manage to tell the story to a promising lawyer, only for them to cut you off and flat out refuse to help you when you say it’s for a kelpie, you feel the bitter acid rise in the back of your throat. You hate this situation. You hate it, and as you’re shot down again, you want to scream, if only to relieve that burning pressure in your throat.

Scorpio: Ach, the river is running high. If it keeps raining, it might flood. You might want to go visit those storefront by the river, today, if you need anything from them.

Sagittarius: You forgot about the house spirits. You woke up at midnight and went to grab a glass of water, and one nearly frightened you out of your skin. It looked like it wanted to dart away from you, you had moved too quickly for it, but it was so tired. You realized you hadn’t been leaving out the milk for them and you feel terrible. You scoop up the sad little bundle and head into your kitchen. You make it a little dish of milk, with honey because you are generous and you feel like the little guys deserve it after so long without. A couple more peek out from around corners, silent, too shy to come closer. You remember them fluttering around you curiously the first time you stayed up late to watch them, humming and whistling. You feel like you lost something. You make you way back to bed, moving slowly and carefully. No need to scare the sweet things any further.

Capricorn: You practiced punches on a tree until it’s bark fell off and your knuckles were bloody. It stings, hurts, but you keep going. The skin is split, and the tree is starting to get red flecks on it, but you keep going. If you stop, you’ll think. You don’t want to think. Your head has been running the same loops into the ground. You should wrap your knuckles, that’s what you’re supposed to do. You don’t stop, as terrible as it is, the pain is keeping you focused in the present. Your knuckles are raw. Fluffy is whining at you, you think you’re crying. You pull back your hand for another punch (that isn’t even proper form), and someone grabs your arm. You almost reflexively punch them in surprise, but stop yourself at the last second. Look who it is, one of the people you were trying to not think about. Punchy.

Aquarius: You realize you have no idea where to get a fridge. You ask Suzy, since that is what friends are for, you’re reasonably sure. You can see the realization dawn on her face as she realizes oh shit, this guy doesn’t have a fridge, I forgot. She agrees to help you, and then tells you that apples don’t go in refrigerators. You’re a bit put out by this, and double check that milk does go in a fridge, right? The answer is yes, milk does go in the fridge. You’re very pleased by the idea that you will be able to get milk for your cereal and you tell her so. She laughs a bit, but you think it’s with you, not at you. She is currently finding your out-of-place enthusiasm for milk to be adorable.

Pisces: You need more paper. You go buy some. Making your own would be better for powerful hexes, but you only make weak hexes and you don’t even have the tools necessary to make you own paper. The store clerk looks at you like you personally painted the shadows between the stars. You’re used to it, it’s natural for them to be wary around a predator, but you almost wish you didn’t have to be.

[nijiimura]

all the botanical asks ;)

damn you.

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?griffins hell yea

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?soundcloud!!

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?annihilation by jeff vandermeer 

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?depends on if they fit or not but YEA bc it smells like them its nice

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?tomorrow im gonna see zoe im so fuckin ready

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?that its gonna be ok

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?the ocean

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?the question is who was the last person i kissed 

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?dfjdsbnfjsbfhfd NO im a walking disaster

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?bored

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?i dreamed about seeing infinity war the night before i actually saw it and apparently in dream IW they never went to Wakanda and just shot footage just for trailers like they did in rogue one

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?chocolate...

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?turn on - girls. turn off - men.

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?this morning bc my teacher sent me a pissed off email after i told me i was gonna be an hour late bc i missed the bus

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?no

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?whoever bites their ice cream are monsters

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?grand budapest hotel!!!!

desert rose; do you like yourself?hmmm next question

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?i took a selfie w a WWE commentator years ago 

night owl; how many countries have you visited?2!

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?yea it was fucken sweet

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?come out??

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?SLEEPOVER W ZOE TOMORROW

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?leo... yknow... nya

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.-i wear socks to bed bc my feet get cold!!-i have a scar on my wrist from a swinging accident w my little brother-i have a spotify playlist thats 122hrs long bc i just dump albums on there-abba is currently my favorite band-bleeding hearts are my favorite flowers bc they remind me of my late great grandma

daphne; do you believe in karma?yes??

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?yes

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?my dad tbh hes one of the hardest workers i know and has such a shitty job and deals w 90% of my family drama but hes always so positive and funny and i love my dad so damn much

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?good dog carl

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?i fucken hope so

iris; do you believe in ghosts?YEA

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?1979 just so i can go to an abba concert

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?hm no lmao

primula; what makes you sad?school. all these rohan ovas davpro keeps releasing

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?yea i went to class and disappointed my teacher 

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?zoe

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?nothing... and i had nothing for lunch either.... all ive had is some lemonade and poptarts i bought like an hour ago

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?going to this damn college

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?ok star wars universe is rad as fuck

violet; favorite tv show?the office and kitchen nightmares HDJIFDNJF

sunflower; share a favorite quote.god idk man

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?im home alone and its raining outside and i have the windows open. i dont have any deadlines to meet and i spend the day drawing 

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?drawing and crying

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.BITCH IDK DO U THINK I READ?????

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?catch fireflies but i am SO terrified of all bugs its not funny

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?my fucken age

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?okuyasu nijimura means the entire world to me, and heres why (pulls out 50 page essay) no but my little brother

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?have yall... dabbled in these books called warriors by erin hunter?

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?im not even into su anymore but amethyst always wins

magnolia; coffee or tea?coffee

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?Why Not Both Thot

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?WHY NOT BOTH THOT

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?hey guys im smoking the latest coolest drug called okuyasu nijimura

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?y...yes

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?yellow

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?yea we tight

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?night

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?idk if adhd is a mental illness or not so imma say... maybe

clover; how would your friends describe you?

fucken gay

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?depends :/

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?bitch idk man im an open book i embarrass myself on a daily basis

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.dumb gay bitch

lotus; best memory as a child?my mom bringing my cat bill home for the first time!!! he was so small.......

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?brown and brown

dahlia; do you like crystals?yea imma shove my dick in a geode

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?grievous real so i can fuck him

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?hufflepuff

calendula; biggest pet peeve?specific but when im literally just sitting in the car and one of my parents goes “looks like SOMEONE has an attitude” like?? i was silently looking out the window

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?friends bc i love them so much

blazing star; share a secret.I DONT HAVE A FUCKEN SECRET

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?bitch im too tired to answer this

bluebell; do you wear glasses?no

nymphea; forest or river?river

orchid; do you like exercise?HFDJKSFNDKJSDFNFK WHO TF DO I LOOK LIKE.

pansy; do you like poetry?FUCK poetry

morning glory; any special talent that you have?i can do a good swedish chef impression

[radioleary-blog]

Donald Trump vs. Herbert Hoover vs. Back to The Future Part III

Okay, he’s the worst ever. President Trump is the worst President we’ve ever had, in my lifetime at least. To find a President that could even compete with Trump for the title of worst President ever, you’d have to get in a time-traveling Delorean and go back about a century. But I wouldn’t recommend you do that, some say that time-traveling in a car powered by a flux capacitor can possibly lead to Parkinson’s disease, especially if you do it for three movies. But the evidence for that is...shaky. Hey, why did those ‘Back To The Future’ films successively get so much worse? Couldn’t producer Robert Zemeckis just get in the Delorean and go forward in time to read the godawful reviews? If only Biff Tannen had stolen a movie guide instead of a sports almanac, he could have saved Universal Studios the 40 million dollars it spent making ‘Back To The Future Part III’. Wow, what a disaster! You know, I recently saw an ad for some network TV show where a team of intrepid multi-culti adventurers go back in time to save the Hindenburg from exploding, but I think ‘Back To The Future III’ may have been the bigger disaster. Yes, the Hindenburg was terrible, sure, but it all happened pretty quick. Whereas ‘Back To The Future III’ has a running time of two hours! Two hours of watching Teen Wolf and the stoner from Taxi yuk it up in the old West. “Oh, the inanity!”

You probably don’t even remember the movie. That's understandable, it’s a normal human response to block out cinematic traumas like that. To access those repressed bad-movie memories you’d need years of psychotherapy and hypnotic regression. Or basic cable. First of all, who would take a time machine and go back to the Old West? Nobody in their right mind, that’s who. Not even Dr. Who. It was about as bad a place and time as there was. All you could get in the Old West was syphilis or a gunshot wound. The Old West was even worse than Kanye West, he’d probably only give you one of those things.

If you could time travel to the far off future, why would you go back and watch a prospector fall down an abandoned mineshaft? You can watch Leonardo da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa, or you could go watch two drunk cowboys shoot each other for cheating at cards. Actually, that still happens quite often. No time travel necessary, just a bus ticket to Reno.

That’s why I don’t get this Westworld. That’s the place you want to re-create and populate with robots? I could think of dozens of better robot theme parks. Here’s one, how about Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion circa 1974? Hanging out with James Caan, a metric ton of cocaine, and every aspiring centerfold on the west coast sounds like a lot more fun than sitting in the middle of a train robbery shoot-out. Where am I, Chicago? But that’s just me, I guess.  Want another great robot idea? How about a robot theme park of the cast of Seinfeld. That would be awesome! I would so go, we’d all go! And they’d all be there, not just Jerry, George, Kramer, and Elaine, but everybody. Mr. Pitt. Tim Watley. Jackie Chiles, Lloyd Braun, Kenny Bania, and of course, Uncle Leo. The bubble boy and Izzy Mandelbaum. “Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!” Let me know when they build it and I will date the robot Sue Ellen Mischke, the bra-less woman who caused a car accident. She may not be real, but they’re spectacular! Serenity now!

But I digress.

As I was saying, no one would time travel to the Old West.

If somebody actually had a time machine, the conversation would go something like this: “Hey, I have this time machine, and it’s all gassed up with bananas peels and deadly radiation or whatever the hell it runs on, where do you think we should go?”

“We can go anywhere in time? How about we check out a Jimi Hendrix concert! Let’s go see Jimi’s legendary set at Woodstock! Or the Fillmore East, 1970, that’s maybe his best concert ever! C’mon! Hendrix!! Either that or maybe we go back in time and check out Jesus! I’d be cool with that, too, either Jesus or Jimi Hendrix! Which one do you want to go see?”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m worthy to be in the presence of God. So let’s go see Jesus.”

The amazing things you could see with a time machine would blow your mind. You could go see the Great Pyramids of Giza when they were brand new, and still under warrantee. Back when they still had that new Pyramid smell. The Pyramids don’t smell so good today, now the place really Sphynx. That joke never gets old, right? Don’t Tut-Tut me. It’s like they say, mo’ mummy mo’ problems.

You could go back and see who built Stonehenge...the Druids? The Picts? Or was Stonehenge a natural formation, like the face on Mars, and Mount Rushmore.

You could go back in time to see the dinosaurs just before the comet hit, and watch them climb into their dinosaur space-ships and fly off to populate other worlds. The dinosaurs that stayed behind were either wiped out or forced to live underground, until they were discovered by Marshall, Will, and Holly on Saturday mornings in the Land of The Lost.

The spacefaring dinosaurs, over millions of years, eventually became the Gorn, a very tough race of outer-space reptilians. But they got their lizard asses kicked in about 40 minutes by Captain James Tiberius Kirk, and single-handedly. You can say what you want about William Shatner being a complete diva and an asshole to work with, but the man kicked ass and saved the galaxy about a hundred times, and he did it all without a raccoon. As far as I’m concerned, Captain Kirk earned the right to cut scenes from the other cast members just to pad his own lines. Live long and fuck ‘em.

But I digress. I really, really digressed.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, this damn Back to The Future III, it’s kind of haunting me, how bad this movie is. It’s a shame the time-travelers from that TV show couldn’t go back in time and save the time-traveler’s movie franchise. And what is it with time-travel being so popular on television all of a sudden? When did that happen? On TV right now, there is the time-travel show I was talking about, NBC’s Travelers. Also, Fox has Making History, Hulu has 11.22.63, The CW has Legends of Tomorrow, Syfy has 12 Monkeys, and Comedy Central has Time Traveling Bong. And I already mentioned BBC’s Dr. Who. That’s a whole lot of time travel goin’ on! There’s no way there’s enough time in the day for a person to watch all these time-travel shows, you’d actually need to use a time machine to see them all. Or a DVR, I guess.

But I digress. Stop me before I digress again. I think this blog is about politics.

Oh yeah, Donald Trump is the worst President ever.

To find another President as bad as Trump, you’d have to go back at least as far Hoover. Herbert Hoover, that is, not J. Edgar Hoover. It’s easy to confuse the two of them, the Hoovers. But where Herbert Hoover liked to address the public, J. Edgar liked to wear a dress in public. And where Herbert Hoover’s dam looked good, J. Edgar looked damn good. But much like the Hoover vacuum cleaner of that era, both of these guys completely sucked.

Was Herbert Hoover worse than Trump? Let’s compare the two men:

Herbert Hoover was orphaned at an early age. He worked hard to found his own business and became a multi-millionaire. Donald Trump? He was born with a silver spoon up his ass and inherited his multi-millionaire dad’s real estate business. He then went on to bankrupt casinos, screw over independent contractors, and force people to humiliate themselves for jobs on national TV. Oh, and he’s good at firing beauty pageant winners if they gain a few pounds, then ridiculing them in the press. Hmm. it’s close, but I think I gotta give round 1 to Hoover.

Herbert Hoover was Stanford-educated, he was an engineer. But Trump must be smarter, after all, he had his own Trump University! And if it was a phony university like the fake news says, tell me how come all those students went on to earn millions of dollars? Oh, that’s right, it was a 25 million dollar class-action lawsuit settlement he paid out to avoid having his orange ass dragged into court. Round 2, Hoover.

Herbert Hoover built Hoover Dam, one of the greatest structural engineering feats in human history. But then again, Donald Trump built a huge pyramid scheme. So, I’d call this round a draw.

Before Herbert Hoover was President,  he was in charge of enormous, complex relief operations in Europe during and after World War I. He served two Presidents as Secretary of Commerce, under both Warren G. Harding and Calvin Coolidge. Before Donald Trump was President? He was in charge of enormous, complex challenges like making Lou Ferrigno and LaToya Jackson make bagels and peddle them on the streets of Manhattan. Trump’s biggest executive decisions were made sitting in a boardroom with Dee Snider, Meatloaf, Joan Rivers, Sinbad, and Dennis Rodman. Who, sadly enough, would make far better cabinet secretaries than the ones he actually chose. Seriously, who do you think has more experience dealing with North Korean ‘weebles-wobble-but-they-don’t-fall-down’ dictator Kim Jong Un: Rex Tillerson or Dennis Rodman? Think about that one. Here’s a hint: it’s the guy with 11,954 rebounds. Dennis Rodman is the only person Trump knows who has actually sat down with ‘Lil Kim’ Jong Un, and he fired him. Now I don’t think I would trust the Worm to handle the North Korea situation by himself, but if he had Jordan, Pippen, and the rest of the 1995 Chicago Bulls with him, we’d have an NBA franchise in Pyongyang by now. And war would have to wait at least through the playoffs. Round 4, Herbert Hoover.

I think we can stop right there. It’s a K.O. at the O.K. corral. Move over, Herbert Hoover, there’s a new worst President in town.

[xoxopimpimxoxo]

CHAPTER REVEAL: DIRT (BOOK 1) of EVERGREEN SERIES by CASSIA LEO 

Title: DIRT

Author: Cassia Leo

Series: Evergreen Series

Release: January 12, 2018

DIRT - CHAPTER 1 LAUREL

I hugged Jack Jr. tightly against my breast, and he molded his soft, warm body to mine. His eyes remained closed as his tiny fingers curled around the fabric of my blouse, his rosy lips puckering as he geared up for more food.

“You sucked me dry, little fella,” I whispered, leaning in to press my nose against the downy-soft, golden hair on the top of his head. I inhaled his scent and my muscles unspooled. “But I’ll be back to feed you soon. I promise.”

Why do babies smell so damn good?

Before I got pregnant with Junior, my favorite smell was orange blossoms. As a teenager, I often got scolded by my mom for picking the flowers off the orange tree in our backyard in Portland. I’d rub the creamy petals between my fingers, bruise them with my fingernails, then sniff my hand for hours until the scent wore off.

When I was pregnant with Junior, my favorite scent became the rich aroma of the forbidden coffee I could no longer drink.

After Junior was born, and my decaf days came to a glorious end, I realized how wrong I’d been. There was absolutely no scent as sweet and soul-quieting as the smell of the top of a baby’s head. Bonus points if the baby was lying peacefully on your chest sound asleep.

“Are you ever going to put him down?”

I flicked my head sideways, startled by Jack’s clear, baritone voice.

He stood in the doorway of Junior’s nursery, the silhouette of his six-foot-three athletic body framed by the warm light in the hallway. His head was tilted to the side. He’d probably been standing there admiring us for a while. After six years together, I knew Jack’s body language and facial expressions better than I knew my own face.

I stood from the rocking chair and stole one more sniff of Junior’s head before I placed him gently on his back in the center of the crib. I adjusted the left sleeve of his pajamas, pulling it down to make sure it covered his entire chubby arm. I didn’t want to imagine him waking up cold and alone in here.

Jack appeared at my side as I switched on the video baby monitor. “He’s going to be fine,” he murmured, reaching down to stroke the soft patch of hair on Junior’s head. “In fact, he’ll probably enjoy some time alone. After all, he is just like his daddy; sometimes, we need a break from the constant attention from the ladies.”

I rolled my eyes and headed for the door. “Making jokes only makes leaving him slightly less scary, you know,” I said as we stepped into the hallway of our five-bedroom home in Hood River, Oregon. I couldn’t wait to fill up every one of these bedrooms with brothers and sisters for Jack Jr.

Jack chuckled as he followed closely behind me. “Less scary is an improvement,” he replied, grabbing my hand to stop me in the middle of the corridor. “You promised Junior you’d be back soon. Can you also make me a promise?”

The hallway lights made his brown hair look glaringly shiny, but I couldn’t help but notice how weary his blue eyes looked tonight. Since Junior arrived three months ago, I’d been so focused on my baby boy’s vulnerability, his scent, his beauty, I hadn’t slowed down enough to appreciate how those were the same qualities that made me fall in love with Jack.

Suddenly, my worries about leaving Junior with my mother for the evening evaporated. All I wanted to do was kiss Jack, grab hold of that dark hair and make love to him for hours. I wanted to replace the weariness in his eyes with dark hunger, or maybe a glint of mischief.

I squeezed his hand and smiled at the thought of possibly having sex with him in public tonight. We hadn’t done that in a while.

“What kind of promise?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nope, you’re not allowed to ask. Just promise me you’ll say yes.”

My stomach vaulted at the sound of those words. They were the same words Jack spoke when he asked me to marry him. I wondered what he would ask this time.

The phrase “just promise me you’ll say yes” had become like an inside joke, our own private, unspoken promise to each other that we would always do whatever it took to stay together. The last time he had uttered this phrase, he asked me to stop taking my birth control pills. With Junior here, it was easy to trust that whatever Jack asked me for this time would turn out to be exactly what I needed.

I tilted my head back so I could look up and into his crystal-blue eyes. “Yes, I can make you a promise.”

His expression became sober. “Promise me you’ll be present tonight.” He fixed me with a piercing gaze as his large hand cupped my face. “It’s just you and me for the next three hours. Promise me.”

I smiled. “I promise. Just you and me. And I’ll even put my cell phone on vibrate.” As I said the words, a sharp finger of fear prodded my subconscious, telling me it was a bad idea to risk missing a phone call tonight.

The weariness in Jack’s eyes melted away as he smiled. “I can deal with that, but you have to promise me one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

His smile turned almost menacing as he looped his arm around my waist and drew me close. “Promise me you’ll lemme smash that blonde bombshell booty,” he said, landing a light swat on my ass.

I shook my head as I recalled how we often had sex in public during our first year together, in our senior year at Oregon State University, Cascades. For some reason, once we graduated and moved in together, having sex in public seemed like something we couldn’t get away with so easily. We decided public throw downs — throw down was our nickname for sex — would be reserved for special occasions like anniversaries or vacations.

Truthfully, Jack and I kicked off our relationship by having sex on the first date. He was always a very difficult man to resist. When he showed up at my apartment to pick me up that night, I couldn’t resist his suggestion that we should stay in and make paper masks of ourselves, then put them on and ask each other first date questions as if we were the other person. I had never laughed so much on any date. Ever. But when he asked — while pretending to be me — if I’d ever had sex with someone on the first date, I couldn’t help but respond with, “I’m Jack-fucking-Stratton. I’ve fucked a lot of girls on the first date. But none as gorgeous as you.”

Jack always knew how to keep things fresh and alarmingly sexy. Six years in and my body still craved him almost every second of every day.

Today was our three-year wedding anniversary. We’d only had sex twice since I gave birth to Junior three months ago, and both of those times were truly awkward.

The first time was painful. My C-section incision hadn’t fully healed yet, and even trying to have sex with him behind me was uncomfortable. The second time we tried, Jack was so afraid of hurting me, he stopped midway through. There’d been a lot of oral sex happening in this house since then.

Luckily, a few weeks had passed since our last attempt, and I had repeatedly assured him I was fully healed up now. I was certain that even if the sex did hurt a little, it would still be worth it. I couldn’t understand couples that didn’t consider sex an important part of a relationship. I never felt more complete, more present, more alive than when my body and mind were entwined with Jack’s.

I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I think I know just the place for a proper throw down.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Ooh. Tell me more.”

As he leaned in to kiss me, my mother’s voice interrupted us.

“Are you two making out again?” she said, standing at the top of the stairs with her hands on her hips as she gawped at us. “Well, don’t let me stop you.”

Jack laughed and I shook my head as we moved toward her.

“We’re just trying to keep you entertained while you’re on vacation, Beth,” Jack said.

My mother cocked an eyebrow. “If I wanted to watch porn, I’d open up your laptop and have a look at your internet history.”

“Mom, don’t be gross,” I protested, trying not to laugh.

Jack smiled as he held out his elbow for my mom to grab hold as they descended the stairs in front of me. “I made a special collection of links for you. They’re in a folder labeled Tantric Geriatric. You’ll love it.”

I rolled my eyes. Jack and my mother exchanged jabs like this all day.

My mother was staying with us for a few days, so Jack and I could have some time to ourselves and get some much-needed uninterrupted sleep. She was leaving tomorrow to go back to the house where I grew up in Portland. Though she pretended as if she was desperate to get home to her Craftsman cottage in the city, and I even teased her about how she was dying to get back so she could see the handsome new neighbor she’d been going on about, I knew she was going to miss Jack’s pretend insults as much as she would miss Junior and me.

My mother practically shoved me toward the front door. “I order you to go have fun,” she said, smiling as Jack opened the door and stepped outside. “And don’t come home until you’re too drunk to walk.”

I shook my head. “Thanks, Mom. Please call if you need anything. And don’t answer the door for anyone. There’s a house that got broken into a few streets away.”

She waved off my paranoia. “Stop worrying so much. We’ll be fine. See you later, babe.”

I blew her a kiss, then I closed the door behind me.

* * *

“I have to admit, having sex on the waterfront was one of my favorite public throw downs ever,” Jack said, pulling his Tesla into the long driveway of our four-acre dream home. “But do we really have to wait until our fourth anniversary to do it again?”

I tugged the silky fabric of my skirt straight as I pressed my thighs together. Though my body was still raw with the evidence of the dirty deed we’d just committed, I couldn’t wait to get Jack inside and pounce on him again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the sensation of him moving inside me, and how good he was at making me feel beautiful.

“We can do that anytime we can snag a babysitter,” I replied as he turned the car off.

He made no move to exit the Tesla. “Well, babycakes, you’d better get ready to interview a fuck-ton of babysitters.”

I laughed. “Babycakes? That’s a new one.”

Jack rarely used the same term of endearment twice in a row. He liked to keep me guessing.

He scrunched up his nose. “Yeah, that one was kind of creepy. Now that I’ve tried it out, I think I can bury that one in the nickname graveyard.”

“Try the incinerator,” I said, reaching for the door handle.

“Duly noted,” he replied, exiting the vehicle.

Jack and I glided unhurriedly along the flagstone walkway, which was lined with sparkling pathway lights. As we made our way toward the steps leading up to the covered porch, I stopped in the middle of the path and closed my eyes as I inhaled the sweet scent of the lavender and honeysuckle I’d planted with my mom’s help.

That was when I made a wish, a corny wish, but I didn’t care.

I wished that every person could find someone they loved as much as I loved Jack. I wished every child could feel as loved as Junior was. And I wished every anniversary could be as perfect as this one.

“No… No, no, no!” Jack’s voice grew louder with each no.

They say mother’s intuition is scientifically proven to exist. I knew by the tone of Jack’s voice, without even opening my eyes, that my world would never be the same. I knew in that instant, I would regret leaving Jack Jr. tonight for the rest of my life.

Though I knew something was wrong, I wasn’t prepared for what we found.

At some point, while we were lost in our blissful celebration, the front door of our home had been forced open. This discovery was what had made Jack cry out in disbelief. Father’s intuition must also be a thing, because he told me later that, even though the door was still closed, the moment he saw the gouges in the wood near the handle, he had felt that same sense of dread. That feeling that the universe had suddenly tilted on its side, discarding us into black nothingness.

The house was ransacked.

Furniture upended, paintings and flatscreen televisions torn off the walls, shards of shattered vases littered the floors. Complete and utter chaos.

The master bathroom doorknob looked as if it had been shot off. We found my mother’s lifeless form huddled against the bathtub, my baby boy’s dead body clutched tightly in her arms.

** END OF EXCERPT **

DIRT Synopsis:

A hard-hitting, emotional new series from New York Times bestselling author Cassia Leo.

Jack and I had everything. Then, in one brutal instant, the universe tilted on its side, discarding us into black nothingness. Now, I have a cocky a**hole for a husband. The only way we communicate anymore is when we’re fighting or f**king. With nothing left to lose, I write Jack a goodbye letter and head for Portland, where I quickly meet a neighbor who helps me find a job. My new neighbor—broody, tattooed ex-soldier Isaac Evans—is complicated. Nevertheless, we form a fast friendship, bonding over our mutual desire to create something beautiful from the wreckage of our lives. But despite the distance between us, Jack and I are still trying to make things work—fighting and f**king dirtier than ever. And he doesn’t appreciate my new friendship with Isaac. Not one f**king bit. 

Links: 

iBooks: http://bit.ly/dirtibooks

Release Alert: https://cassialeo.com/dirt-alert/  

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Dirt Playlist Direct Link: https://open.spotify.com/user/cassialeo/playlist/7dUHV27ZCwfC5sAT4gtbP4  

Dirt Trailer Direct Link:https://youtu.be/TuibAMY4QNM 

​Rafflecopter Direct Link:http://gvwy.io/2vn41ok 

Facebook Giveaway: http://bit.ly/2pDvr9l 

About Cassia Leo:

New York Times bestselling author Cassia Leo loves her coffee, chocolate, and margaritas with salt. When she’s not writing, she spends way too much time re-watching Game of Thrones and Sex and the City. When she’s not binge watching, she’s usually enjoying the Oregon rain with a hot cup of coffee and a book.

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Website: http://cassialeo.com

 ♥

[the-jamesashcroft-blog]

falling in love // elliott&james

Who: Elliott Gilbert & James Ashcroft Where: Multiple Locations When: 16th June (James Birthday) What: SURPRISES! And clearly Elliott liked it, so he put a ring on it. Tags: Brief Abuse mention

Elliott had planned an exciting and then relaxing day for the James, not quite as crazy as his last birthday but this worked for them and he had loved seeing James' face when he had taken him to a duck sanctuary. Elliott had never been able to fathom why they were the others favorite animal but there was something very fitting about it. Now they were on their way back from their picnic to the hotel when his phone began beeping in his pocket. He pulled it out, reading it before frowning softly, tapping out something back.

James "It's the way they just waddle and then quack as they do so, I don't understand why they aren't your favorite animal, Ell. We're totally getting one day as a pet. Maybe wait until we've got a house, pond, all the things you need to look after a duck." He spoke to the other, smiling as he walked aside his boyfriend after the picnic he had made them. "Thank you for today, it's been pretty great." He told him, his smile dropping a little when she saw the frown on his face, "What's wrong?"

Elliott didn't seem to hear him for a moment before he hummed and looked up from his phone briefly. "Hm? Oh... Nothing really. It's fine." He stated, his phone beeping again. "Just Leo from the band texting me. Something about needing me to come fix something on his guitar. Why he can't do it on his own when he knows it's your birthday I have no clue." Elliott said, sounding a little annoyed at his friend. "Well he can wait until tomorrow." He put his phone into his pocket but within a couple of minutes, it seemed to blow up with texts.

James "It seems a little more then nothing.” He joked, because he was afraid that Elliott's phone was going to buzz right out of his hand with how much it was going off. "That and we're not exactly at the park for him to come and sort." He told the other, because the other had booked out a hotel room for the night and it was going to be nice away from the parks. "Seriously, Ell. Your ass is vibrating now. Are you sure you don't need to go and see him?"

Elliott picked it up again and rolled his eyes before looking a little apologetically at James. "Do you think you would mind if we just dash back to the parks for half an hour? I actually think he might stalk and find me if I don't go and see him. We won't get any peace at all... He's like Reid in many respects." He stated as he tapped something out on his phone and sent it. "I mean, if you really don't want to then I'll veto it." He told him honestly.

James chuckled at the others words before shaking his head, "I don't mind, I mean- I've had you for the entire day. I can give you over to the band for half an hour or for the rest of the night if you need too." He told the other, because with the picnic and the surprises he was feeling very spoiled by the other and if he needed to be at work, then he wasn't going to stop him.

Elliott shook his head and leaned in to kiss James. "No, I told them I'm not working tonight and I meant it." He told him with a smile. "But thank you for being so understanding. I'll kick his ass next time though because he has terrible timing." He told him with a sigh, taking James' hand as they headed back towards the parks.

James "Well I'm just saying, in case you need too- you can." He shrugged, because he honestly didn't mind. It wasn't till Elliott that he made a big thing out of his birthday, he didn't really celebrate it all too much and he was more then fine to sit on his couch and watch tv if the other wanted to work. "I've done enough pouting over the passed week, least I could do was let you have this."

Elliott chuckled as he recalled all the pouting James had done over the fact he was getting older. It was inevitable of course but the other man seemed to be quite upset over it. He'd teased him a little but he knew that he disliked getting older probably more than he let on. "I know you would and it's part of the reason I love you. They can do without me, I'll just go and sort his guitar out or whatever and then we'll leave. I'll even buy you a drink." He teased winking as they neared the familiar place.

James "Remind me to get you to make a list of all of the reasons as to why you love me, one day." He teased the other, holding his hand over his heart with a look of admiration in his eyes, "A drink, man you know how to treat your guy's, don't you."

Elliott just grinned and kissed him again. "Well given it was a drink you tried to originally give me to seduce me I'd say I'd learned off the best." He countered with a chuckle as they headed into the park and to where his band were playing tonight which happened to be the very place they had met first time. Of course, when they'd first met, Elliott hadn't even noticed that James was flirting. It had taken a little intervention for it to click. "Come on. I'll make sure you're settled with whatever you want then then I'll go see the guys."

James "But at least I know you're trying to seduce me right now, I won't just accept it, walk off and not think anything of it like some people." He told the other, giving him a pointed look because Elliott would know that it was exactly him he was talking about. James followed the other, used to the route they were walking given it was the way he walked every night shift at the bar he had. "Sit's me down and walks off. Some boyfriend you are." He continued to tease, but the sooner the other was done with the band the sooner they could go back to enjoying their date day.

Elliott rolled his eyes fondly. "You are never going to let me forget that are you." He stated, pressing a kiss to his nose. "And don't complain. I've treated you like a King all day." Elliott reminded him, telling his colleague at the bar what to get for James and asking him to put extra sparklers in it for his birthday before disappearing off with a wink.

James "Never, we're going to be eighty years old on a porch on rocking chairs and I'm going to bring it up." James wanted to roll his eyes but he couldn't because the other was right, he had been treated like a King all day and that was all because of the other and him being kind to him. "This is the most elaborate Jack and Coke I've ever had." He told both the bartender and Elliott before the other sauntered off.

Elliott was nervous. He'd be a fool not to be but this was what he wanted and he just had to hope that James wanted it to. He'd talked to his friends and even managed to drag Reid into it, knowing how close James was to him so going into the back to collect his guitar, he took a few calming breaths, Elliott accepted the words of luck and even the teasing from Leo as they headed back onto the stage to tune up again. He waited off to the side and out of sight, waiting for the confirmation that they were ready before he climbed onto the stage in front of everyone. He'd even had to ask permission to use the club for this. Licking his lips he stroked the first chord on his guitar, playing the intro slowly before joining in. "Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you..."

James sat talking to the bartender who he knew from work, sipping on his drink while he waited for Elliott to do whatever it was he was doing with the band, fixing Leo's guitar or whatever else they wanted him for. He knew they would try and get him to stay despite the others words so he was expecting for him to come back out and tell him he was going to hang out and ask whether James wanted to stay or not. But instead the band seemed to be starting up, he turned to look where the other was before Elliott walked onto stage with his own guitar and he knew he would get roped into playing one song. But as he started the song was slow and not like anything the band performed before.

Elliott smiled when he realized he had the others attention. There wasn't any fanfare to this music, it was stripped down to the acoustics and the lyrics. He just wanted James to hear them and understand what he was saying to him. In his mind, this song was them. It was beautiful and the words so fitting to their relationship and how he felt about the other man that it almost felt written for them. "Shall I stay? Would it be a sin. If I can't help falling in love with you." As the next part started Elliott slowly made his way away from the mic and headed off the stage, playing his guitar as the crowd parted automatically, seeing where his attention was. "As the river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be..." He smiled at the other man as he made his way closer, heart beating in his chest. "Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you."

James had turned on his seat now, drink in hand as his eyes were focused on the taller male, he always loved watching Elliott perform but this was something else, this was raw, real and very intimate in a way he could have sworn he was singing this to him. And as the crowd parted and Elliott stood, he realized that was what was happening. This had been planned and wasn't a random fluke, he guessed there was nothing wrong with his band mates guitar either. He just made something up to get him here so he could serenade him.

Elliott could see James a little slow on the uptake and it made his lips quirk upwards into an amused smile. He moved straight through the crowd until he was stood in front of him, continuing to sing, Elliott didn't look at anyone but his boyfriend keeping eye contact with him throughout the music only stopping singing at a small instrumental they had added so that he could whistle, Kovu padding his way from where Reid had been keeping out of the way by the door and excitedly bounding over to James when he saw him. It took a moment but Elliott managed to settle him, swinging his guitar onto his back and crouching down to untie something from around the dogs neck. Getting onto one knee, Elliott revealed a velvet box that had been fastened to Kovu's collar. Snapping it open, he revealed a ring. Taking the others hand in his own, Elliott let his thumb brush gently over the skin before singing once more, hearing the band following his lead on stage. "Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you... For I can't help falling in love with you."

James thought nothing of this other than an extra birthday present, Elliott serenading him with a romantic song to tell him how he felt and how special they were to one another. But when Kovu appeared that's when he knew there must be something more to this, what he wasn't expecting though was Elliott on one knee in front of him, holding a box in his hand with a ring inside. He thought his heart had stopped at that point, he was pretty sure his breathing had and he was honestly surprised that the drink in his hand was in fact still in his hand. He didn't know what to say, didn't know if there was in fact anything to say. All he could do was try his best not to cry because he could feel the pressure behind his eyes right now and try to breathe, he didn't want to break the moment but then again, he couldn't quite believe that this was happening.

Elliott wasn't very good at this part. He could sing his feelings but speaking them was a different thing, especially in a moment so important. That's why he'd chosen a song instead, something that could better explain how he felt. Elliott paused for a moment before he found his voice once more, noting how his band were playing the music quietly in the background to stop the room from being completely silent bar the few whispers from excited onlookers. "James..." He began, his voice a little rough as he tried to force it out. "You're just... the best thing to ever happen to me. I know you've been through a lot in your lonnnnggg twenty-five years..." Because he couldn't resist teasing him on his age just a little. "But I promise you that I intend to spend every day making up for all the bad times and making you realize how special you are. Even if you do turn me down right now, for whatever reason, I want you to know I won't give up. I want to marry you and I'll wait however long that takes to make it possible." He explained, licking his lips. "But I'm asking now, for the first time; James Ashcroft, Will you marry me?"

James was shell shocked, he couldn't move and felt like he was frozen to the seat as Elliott spoke, because it was just days ago that he was telling him about how he had come to realize that he had been abused in the past by a ex and here he was, not caring about any of that or about what he did and asking him to marry him. He felt like his mouth was gaping, unable to close it as he continued to look at the other, his head taking over his body before he give it the okay. Nodding at his question before his limbs finally unstuck and he was placing his glass down on the bar before answering with words this time, "Yes I'll marry you- you fucking dork."

Elliott felt like he hadn't been breathing, stuck there on one knee for an age whilst James seemed to consider his options. Of course, he knew that wasn't what was happening and that he had simply surprised him so much it had knocked him for six but it was a long agonizing wait for someone who had asked their boyfriend to marry them. The moment James agreed, Elliott exhaled in relief and the whole bar erupted into cheers, whistles and claps and he stood up, pressing a kiss to James' mouth. "May I?" He asked, taking the ring out of the box and taking his hand once more.

James realized that he must have been sat there silent for longer then he probably should have, he didn't even notice eyes on him around the bar, he was too busy trying to wrap his head around what had just happened and what was going to happen now and honestly, his mind was reeling so much from it all. He kissed Elliott with all he had before nodding when the other asked if he could put the ring on his finger and who was he to argue with that. "Of course."

Elliott smiled widely, carefully sliding the ring onto his finger before lifting it to his mouth to kiss it. "Love you James..." He murmured, pulling him into a deep kiss again, keeping him like that for a minute before letting him go. "I have to pass the band my guitar and get this guy back to Reid so if you want to say goodnight to Kovu whilst I give my guitar in, I will be back in a minute and we'll head to the hotel."

James watched as the ring slid onto his finger and the continued to watch it as it was brought to the others mouth, "I love you too, Elliott." He told the other before wrapping his arms around the others neck as he was pulled into a deep kiss. "I'll be sure to do that. And I see you're still planning on wooing me in this hotel, hm?" He chuckled, kneeling down to pet Kovu, "I can't believe you proposed to me in a bar of all places, you clearly know me far too much.”

Elliott chuckled softly. "Well I thought it was appropriate given it was here when we first met and then when it was pointed out to me that you had a thing for me." He smiled recalling how they had danced before heading back to his apartment together that very first night. "It's where I thought you were just being nice to me but where you were actually eyeing me up all the time and it's where you were hurt by a dick of a customer. I'm hoping I can replace that memory with a much better one."

James "Given I like alcohol too." He chuckled, "But you're right, this place does hold a lot of memories, good, bad and frustrating. And now this is another one to add to it." He told the other, pressing a small kiss to the others lips. "I think this memory will replace any bad memory I've ever had. I'm surprised you managed to keep this a secret though. I had no idea you were going to do this, but I think that's because it's not really something we talk about a lot."

Elliott shook his head. "I am not surprised I managed to keep it a secret. I /am/ surprised that he managed to though." He explained, motioning over to where Reid was stood looking very smug. "And no it isn't, but we have briefly over the months we've been together and I was ready and wanted this. But as I said, I would have waited if you hadn't been. I never wanted this to be forced at all."

James "Fair point. I'm very surprised that Reid didn't blab, I'm very impressed with him and feel like I should congratulate him. Late though, I want to celebrate with you tonight." He told the other, "We have and this wasn't forced, it's something I want. I mean, we're pretty much an old married couple now. Might as well make it official." He told the other, "That and the thought of marrying you is- incredible. I can't believe I'm your fiance now. Bloody hell."

Elliott laughed again. "One minute." He told him softly, moving back through the crowd and to his friends to pass them his guitar and getting a congratulations in response along with pats on the back. He could deal with all that later though. He made his way back to where James was. "Are you ready to go back to the hotel now? You haven't seen it yet and I think you'll enjoy it."

James nodded, receiving a few congratulations as he waited for Elliott while spending the other part of the time the other was away by staring at his ring. "And why do you think I'm going to enjoy the hotel room so much? Are there more surprises? Because I'm not sure at my old age I could take many more!”