#ripping off the bandaid and just posting it

[shadezilla-writes-stuff]

I'm posting my original fiction one shots on a03 now : ) hope you enjoy my silly OC stories

[goldenrodjewels]

First post eeek!

Extra Tiny silver doodle

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know it’s been talked about ad nauseam, but I think one of the things that got lost in the discourse about TTPD and the muses and whatnot is how one of, if not the core trigger points of the album is the yearning for commitment and perhaps even more poignantly, motherhood.

The reason she was so susceptible to falling for the “conman’s get love quick schemes” is because she was grieving that imagined life with the person she had long assumed would be the one to give her that. What has been beyond clear in several albums, let alone interviews etc, is that those plans for building a family were very much real and top of mind for years, and she kept holding on and shifting her world in service of making that happen. And when whatever happened happened that pulled that rug out from under her, it left her bereft not just for the relationship that had once been her world but also the imagined family she had been hoping for and sticking out the hard times for.

And that’s likely why she was swayed by and trusting of the promises of someone who knew her history and knew how unmooring that loss was to her. It may have been partially about the person himself or lust or whatever, but the core issue was the pain of giving up the dream, and sublimating that dream into this new opportunity in front of her, because she was so desperate to hold onto the last scraps of that imagined life she wanted so badly. (And I don’t mean desperate as in pathetic or negative, I mean as in fighting within the last ounce of energy and hope she had.) It wasn’t rational and it wasn’t love, it was grief, not just for a relationship but even more so for the family it represented.

So to me the core issue of TTPD isn’t just the Joe vs. Matty or whoever of it all: it’s Taylor and her yearning. She wanted a family badly and a life that was theirs and was processing losing that in all kinds of ways. It’s all over the album in overt and subtle lyrics. It may not have been grieving a literal death but I’d bet it felt pretty darn close.

And I’d also bet that’s why we’re seeing… what we’re seeing now.

(I have so many more thoughts about womanhood and motherhood on TTPD but that is another post being worked on piecemeal in my drafts… this is just a little Saturday morning post-zoomies reflection)

[ghostcond]

ive been playing pirate a lot lately and finally decided to stitch these two some outfits and draw them

[tfemluna]

ykw fuck it dawg HELLO SOLARBALLS FANDOM im here to disturb the peace with my silliness

i am extremely normal abt the moon club and i need to shout to the world abt it. have a mousey luna for ur troubles #cringe

[dot-mp3]

A snippet from my current WIP, an 8th year AU titled 'When Memories Snow'

The room should not smell like rust, or copper. But Draco’s nose still picks it up, hanging low beneath the humid September air, mildew with a slice of something metallic. 

Five things he can see: 

Stone walls. Stone floors. Aisling preening her tawny feathers. Her cage, silver, free of rust. A homey canopy draped over his bed, the colour of fig. 

Four things he can touch:

The too-tight collar of his cloak. The clasp, as he wretches it open. His wand. Stone floors. 

Draco kneels beside his fallen cloak, and presses his right palm flat against cool rock. He bears down on it, giving the floor an opportunity to swing open like a trapdoor beneath his crouched figure, the thrum of Hogwarts’ wards against his fingers both familiar and needling. 

Three things he can hear:

Rain pit-patting against the window in an asynchronous rhythm. Aisling’s shakes and flitting as she preens. His own pointer finger taptaptapping against the solid stone floor. 

Two things he can smell:

Stone. Rust.

He can taste rust as well. It makes his mouth water like sour lollies, involuntary and wet. 

Draco spits on the floor. Once, and then again. His saliva bubbles, and then settles, and Draco rises slowly. He drags the toe of one black loafer through the small puddle, smearing the shine a little against matte stone. 

“Scourgify,” He casts, and his spit disappears, whisked away into the ether. His mother would have a conniption had she witnessed it. She would have seen to it that Draco scrubbed his mess on hands and knees, she would have forbid him from using magic or calling house-elves, she would have watched him clean with a straight back and her arms crossed tightly over her chest. A small mercy, Draco supposes, that they were both spared the indignity. 

Murmurs come bleeding through Draco’s door, light shifting at the gap between stone and wood. The shadows come to a halt, and a light knocking resounds in the silence. Draco runs a hand through his hair, banishing all thoughts of spit and rust with the scratch of his nails against his scalp, before opening the door.

“Oh, Draco.” Pansy speaks on an exhale, deflating slightly at the sight of him. 

“Hi, Pans.” She steps through the threshold of Draco’s dormitory without unnecessary spoken invitation, and gathers Draco in her arms as the door drops softly behind her.

“Draco,” She sighs, encircling his waist and resting her head against Draco’s chest, the shell of her ear pressed tight to his heart. Earl Grey and lavender. Pansy always smells like Earl Grey and lavender. Draco’s arms drape around her shoulders. His cheek comes to rest against her blunt fringe. 

They used to be the same height when they were children; when they would run together through the Manor’s rose gardens, looking for fallen petals not yet swept away by house-elves. Pansy would dip their petals in fountain water, and stick one against each of their ear lobes, like gaudy earrings in shades of buttercream, crimson, and peach. 

Then Pansy shot up like a mouthy little weed, and she spent third year telling Draco he was developing a bald spot at the crown of his head like a monk.

“You’re lying.” He would tell her.

“You would think that, considering your vantage point.” She’d retort.

In this little stone room, however, Pansy rises to the height of Draco’s collarbones, and she looks up at him when they step apart slightly, still within arms reach. Draco links their fingers together.

“I missed you.” He allows himself the honesty. 

“Of course you did,” She gives his hands a squeeze, her flat, unimpressed tone completely betrayed by the warmth in her manicured grip. “I’m a delight.”

[shorelinnes]

felix: five star trailer

[lilirot]

Obey Me's monetization has been incredibly antagonist since the original game. It didn't start with Nightbringer it's always been there. Nightbringer frankly should have been there chance to move away from it and do better but they chose to stick with the same bad systems and in some ways make them worse (there is no excuse for locking Devil Flower behind Skill 2) even if it improved leveling cards in other ways (earlier access to UR cards). They increased the price on the 200 AP you get when you run out (10DP > 20DP), I haven't checked but apparently in OG there is no limit on getting tickets with Ravens while in NB now it's 10 a month?? Also, the price of Joker cards was fucking absurd w/ ravens. Just one UR+ for 500???? And like man events in OM were just handled poorly because like they're the basically the ""endgame"" but also the best way to progress as a player. Like, there is a reason most story-heavy Mobage have the main story as relatively easy to get through or scales reasonably to how much powerlevel the player should have at that point and doesn't potentially leave them stuck for like weeks having to grind out cards (especially if they're F2P) in order to get slightly ahead in the story. The devs did fix the player power issue for events somewhat however they never addressed a bigger issue of not giving players enough AP without some strict scheduling (and even then there is still a deficit) that I don't think I've seen any other Mobage do??? Like, players should be able to get the UR memory even as F2P w/ no cards that should have been the default and better rewards if you're a whale. And man all the that grinding and effort for a story that was mediocre. They tried to be like half-way between the "buy gems to unlock routes/choices" games and your average mobile RPG and it wasn't great. It's part of why WW and Fabsnap piss me off so much they could have put that money into a better game but they spent it on a flashy mechanic in order to justify NB when making significant mechanical upgrades would have been enough.

[justanotherjaydrawing]

... Might have posted a mini fic ... if anyone is interested. (might delete this post later coz I'm feeling incredibly shy

[cecoeur]

nobody cant convince me verstappen.com isnt doing this on purpose and somehow (dont know exactly how or how much) is behind it

like come on, it's so pointed

I do think there's some shade there to a degree, yeah. The verstappens are a bit petty (affectionate). But I would also say that rbr's marketing took a nosedive after daniel left and they just don't really have that interesting of a back catalog of content from 2019 and on to pull from. There's only so many throwback photos of max in a different variation of the same rebull team polo that they can post from over the years and have it be that interesting or differentiate from the present day. So, they kind of have to go back to the max and daniel era for those more engaging images, which makes it all the more obvious that they're being very intentional about not including daniel or pretending that he wasn't part of that content originally.

[stariisv]

grian as a surgeon :D let’s say i did this for halloween and not bc i’ve been watching grey’s anatomy..

anyway don’t judge the drawing to hard i’ve only been drawing for *squints at watch* like 3 days now and i’m still learning! (tips and constructive criticism are very welcome tho :))

[ari-continues-to-exist]

Thinking abt just going on a posting spree and posting a buncha my art here at once

[apoptoses]

This is apropros of nothing and I’m really the last person who should be giving advice but-

Time and time again when I’ve dreaded posting a piece of writing and felt ashamed and upset and like it wasn’t good enough, I’ve found that what was really going on was my gut telling me it needed editing again. Taking a second or third or fourth pass over it will reveal some detail I knew in my heart I’d missed but hadn’t been able to put my finger on and then it’ll click and I’ll feel fine.

Not that over-editing isn’t a thing (asking yourself ‘am I making improvements or just changing stuff for change’s sake’ is always key here). But the ‘ugh I hate this I don’t ever want to look at it’ voice is just instincts telling you something is missing and only editing will let you know what.

So just. Don’t believe the negative voice! Change the wording of it! ‘This sucks’ is actually just ‘This needs edited’ and you just have to rip that bandaid off and do it.

[kalosianbiologist]

Hi, bet you didn't expect me to come back did you? This is my final post I plan on putting on this side blog. Friend got me back on tumblr and I've been cleaning stuff out to start anew on the platform, and I may as well make this while I'm at it.

TL;DR This blog is dead. I have no plans on using it again or deleting it, instead letting it slowly decay from inactivity.

I planned on coming back to it at one point with lore and stuff but I realized that i just couldn't connect with Tony as a character anymore. He was an OC I made in like 9th grade or something and I'm 20 now.

So I guess this is a farewell, both to this blog and to Tony as a character. He can finally rest now. Thanks for the memories, and I hope to see you on the other side.

Mod S, signing out for the final time

[raspberryzingaaa]

Got blood drawn in one arm, why is the other arm elbow nook hurting????

Silly silly body.

[narwhalandchill]

(4.6 beta changes) (again) (guys this is so long im just. many thoughts and me thinking out loud abt arle and my pulling plans. & other nonsense etc. my bad)

ooookay so yeah def glad i didnt jump the gun and attempt some sorta "is this a buff or not" feelscrafting nonsense on arles adjustments jkwjkwdjkwdjkwdkjjk and waited for TC (mostly zajef lmao) analysis and opinion on the real changes that ended up happening

anyway so like. it appears to be an universal buff for her p much? but how big of a buff it ends up being depends on some mechanics we still dont have a definite answer as to how they function (mostly how her BoL stacking from E works during the ECAQECA reset thing, if it enables 140% total stacking = massive dmg buff overall)

firstly my fears of her becoming too ult dependent for overworld appear to be? not as bad as i thought? so thats nice at least very pog like if she can do her thing decently enough just for fun running around thats very good

secondly. the ER situation is literally on a 50-50 😭 because its all about whether she has particle ICD on her E. if she doesnt, thats actually like. 0 ER needed or at the very least incredibly little of it. if there is particle ICD. well. thats going to be another story

the way her rotations have changed now seem to gear her towards overload teams with chevy? since they have very long rotations and characters like fischl and yae can have full uptime over those whereas vape teams lose hydro application from yelan or XQ and buff uptime from characters like bennett over time when a rotation stretches past 24s

like from what ive been reading it seems to be a pretty common sentiment that these buffs will make the biggest impact in chevy overload teams specifically (even tho shes obvi buffed just in general in all teams) for that reason and that chevy teams Especially w her at c6 with arle should be the best bennettless teams ultimately. which is definitely an interesting turn ?

(and this isnt all of the changes btw im just talking abt the ones that matter most for my considerations rn)

anyway. my thoughts then.

so im obviously glad the changes turned out to be buffs so far. but. theres still stuff im a bit. ehhhhhhhh on

firstly the survivability situation (which in turn leads back to the teambuilding issues). bc her self heal did get nerfed. so arles no longer going to be able to risk taking very high dmg during a rotation and dragging herself back to full once the next one starts. which to me feels like an emphasis on dmg mitigation for her and shielding.

(not to even get started on the. spam NAs to reduce her now 30s E cooldown so its up in time for the next rotation meaning you Do Not want to be staggered and tossed out of her attack string. and gee would you look at that! neuvillette level interruption res on c1 now! great!!)

(like again. to be clear. its hard to say exactly how much interruptions to her NA spam will end up fucking her over. i could just be overtly wary about how bad it might feel. but at its worst. with enemies that run away from u or go invincible. or stunlock you. the fact that it will at least heavily risk arles ability to reduce her E cooldown the amount she needs for fluid rotations. could definitely end up feeling like shit to play in practice without that interruption resistance. be it from c1 or a shied)

but then if we go back to her synergies and look at. those more interesting (imo) chevy teams that should perform well even without bennett. like arle/chevy/fischl/yae. whos keeping ur arle from dying there 😭 its giving lyney spreadsheet impact vs actual reality trying to play him without a shield 😭😭 guess we know who he got it from...

and yea could replace yae for beidou for damage reduction but her dmg will TANK in single target. as a whole. defensive options list in pyro/electro units only just isnt that good. beidous the one who tanks team dps the least as long as ur in AoE, but outside of that its just. thoma and dehya. and they will 100% tank the team dps

whereas defensive options like zhongli to me feel like they will just end up w her teams just wanting to lean towards that. traditional vape and mono pyro angle. bennett and kazuha and yelan/XQ. the usual stuff. and shes not getting benny and kazuha from childe so we have an issue 💀💀

unironically i will prolly be looking for some double geo zhongli/chiori/yelan vape team calcs for arlecchino (hope someone makes them. all double geo team calcs ive seen so far assume bennett 😭) just out of curiosity in terms of. how much worse it is than her best teams. bc if i can just slap her in that setup its a big bonus to how flexibly i could use her but eh. prolly will end up weaker than any chiorinavia nation core i could play so who knows

but. all this yapping and im only now getting to the point JSWJKDWJKWDJK so. heres the BIG problem

i dont have a single fucking chevrolet 💀 but i do have like 38 pity on a guarantee.

and like people are suggesting that maybe chevy will be on arles banner and fair, especially with these new beta changes incentivizing arle chevy teams way more than before, it would definitely make sense for hoyo to put chevy with her. and i definitely am overall a fan of this possible chevy overload team direction for arle (anything thats not bennett for father. ANYTHING) so id love for that to be the case

but. thats not guaranteed at all. and the same sentiment i had over arlecchinos hypothetical best support in the form of the pyro archon (or honestly. with the lack of electro shielders for chevy teams even clorinde could end up being that missing piece) where id almost rather wait to guarantee that synergistic unit before getting arle herself on a rerun. actually applies to chevy here too. even just a c0 one

and like. yes. if i spend that guarantee now on c2 chiori. and it turns out chevy is indeed featured with arlecchino. i will Not be able to guarantee her anymore - ill get one 50-50 and all the chances for a few solid chevy copies on the way but thats it.

however. the other scenario here is that arle does NOT get chevy. she gets fucking. kaveh noelle mika. and then chevy is going to rerun with like. idk. random banner. clorinde who may or may not have synergy with arle

...and im not really sure if id even want to pick arle up on that guarantee from that sort of banner SJKDKJADJKDJK but ok id skip her. buuut im still sitting on a guarantee i might not want to use on a character i feel just eh abt. but who might be with chevy (and like. i do pull for 4* when im on a 50-50 and low pity, idm the early. so as long as thats the case i can see myself tossing a few pulls at Any chevy banner in the future).

... which brings us back to. okay yeah saving the guarantee for clorinde IF chevy isnt with arle and IF shes an electro shielder sub dps support for those arle chevy teams. and getting arle on rerun as ive considered. doesnt sound that bad. but clorinde might also Not be that. uncertainty uncertainty.

like im fairly sure clorinde Will be an unit i wont mind pulling at 17 pity xianyun style on a 50-50 no matter what. but if shes not that mythical arle BiS support she prolly wont be worth that guarantee is my whole complex here lmao

whereas. c2 chiori. isnt an uncertain factor here. like im investing in her im getting her c6 eventually, c2 is like almost 25% personal dps increase (also my husk pieces LOVE rolling ER so itd actually be useful) it feels like the "safe" option in a sense ya know???

like. yes id leave arlecchino up to a coin toss . (Jail for jen!! fake lesbian!!!) but id also be left with the option of skipping her banner (if no chevy rateup to be clear) in favor of seeing whether she gains any synergistic units in the future and seeing how the various aspects of her kit that i do somewhat worry about end up panning out ?? and i think. id be fine with that ? Over the alternative

ultimately tho. im super happy arle got overall buffed and that at least some of my fears abt her kit changes were indeed unfounded, but some concerns still remain. its kinda wild and still sad to me that she went from an absolute 100% must pull character just bc its Her to like. curse of pyro on fielder idk if i Need this right now 😔😔 but i Will be getting her eventually!! no matter what

anyway have a sticker if u stuck around for all of my bullshit. this is literally just arle buff thoughts into gacha pulls stream of consciousness rambling 😭😭😭