#right now my posts cannot be seen in tags and also messages and stuff is disabled for me

[mrkida-art]

PSA: I got shadowbanned

Idk how many will see this, a few of you might. My account has been shadowbanned, I don't know how long it'll last since support can be slow about these things. Anyways, hi to anyone that sees this!

Edit: WE BACK YEEEEE

[anantaru]

You think rape is funny? Maybe once you fucking experience it you won’t. Fucking cunt.

hello. so I'll just jump right into this. tw. discourse tw. mentioning r*pe.

@saetoru made this claim about me:

saetoru, could you add proof at least? i can not remember a time where i would repost a joke like that so i'd love for you to show me proof please, this is all I'm asking.

also how was it on your dash, on your own dash and @dottores dash, when you have never followed me? + but maybe it was the for you feature that was the same for the both of you.

accusing someone without proof is not okay, again, i can not remember doing this so if you have a screenshot add it so i can remember and apologize, but i can't do anything because i don't remember saying a joke with SA in mind.

before that i just want to mention: i don't think r*pe is funny, i'm not a dark content blog either so i do not really reblog dark content things because i'm sure most of my readers don't want that + I'm just not into that as well. the only joke i was "called out" for once is when i used a "i want xyz character to smack their laptop on my face or tits" which i got from an andrew garfield interview where he read his thirst tweets out loud, at that time i just deleted it because it's alright.

dottores, your mutuals, two of them to be exact, have sent me multiple of your personal blog hate posts about me and not once, have you made one where you talked about me saying an SA joke. you have only claimed that i am a cunt and that i am a gatekeeping bitch hence why i believed this must be the reason why you would suddenly hate me despite the fact we never interacted.

now, I want to address this next, this is from @dottores post which when i got it sent to me, i would've wished she just tagged me right away and said it with her chest, more so not let saetoru talk about her experience but just handle this with me.

^ this is cat @dottores saying i got it wrong.

^ this is why i believed she meant it just like i said it, why do you go through blogs that grow really fast's notes in the first place? where do you take the right to police other blogs like that when i'm sure your blogs aren't empty of blank blogs either. it is hard to get rid of all of them but i'm sure we all try at least, we don't need you to make us feel bad or come off as belittling, if you have found out a way to get rid of every blank blog, do enlighten us please.

+ at that time of this reblog icks?? post that saetoru added, my blog was blowing up so when a moot of mine (which was also theirs at a time) saw this, they had sent it to me.

"creators that grow really fast" and nowhere has she mentioned she only went through only her own moots notes, aside from that apologies but i still find this weird, i don't think you should invest so much time in other people's blog but this is my opinion.

this is the next thing she said:

i don't know if dottores meant me there but i have never once harassed you nor sent you hate anywhere, again you cannot just accuse me of stuff like that when you have also never reached out to me. The things i claimed about you guys in your callout, i have text messages of the person (your moot) who sent it to me.

but back again, the only thing i did do was block dottores on tumblr and then later ao3 when i saw you in tags, which you made fun of me for later:

also i got this ask that time:

"who blocks on ao3?" i do, ao3 is the platform i use the most so why is it funny when i use the block button? + i just like to point something out here, "they must've clicked to read and realize it was me" you can think that if you want i don't mind, but let me ask you this: i have seen you in tags hence why i was able to block you, but how did you notice i did? you can't see me in tags so surely you didnt click on my work, so you must've searched up my user for whatever reason?

and i know this is about me because she added the "this person called me chronically online" i couldn't find the post but what she was talking about is me calling other writers who reblogged that one "ick post" with not needed things such as "when writers cant characterize a character" or "when they only write headcanons", i have plenty of screenshots of that post but since i don't want to use up all my space here, i don't see why i should show their reblogs from this.

there were plenty of people like that, which reblogged horrible things there so i called everyone under that post chronically online, not just you dottores.

yeah :) like people making fun of someone for blocking them for their own comfort. i just don't want to see you, that's all, but i have never send you hate asks nor harassed you, the only thing i did was block the blogs your own mutuals exposed to me.

next:

^ this is after i felt bad for you after the callout.

this is coming from your own mutuals, i have never alone claimed you guys are jealous of me nor is there anything to be jealous about. i am just a blog, this here is not being popular, no one knows who i am and i do not need to pride myself in having a big blog on tumblr.com, and my readers know that. we are all the same here.

next:

i didn't mean you here saetoru but i understand that it sounded that way, the phrasing was a little off, for that i apologise that i made you upset with this, english is not my first language, i'm french, and when it comes to this callout post i was so fed up with it that i just posted it without looking for grammar mistakes etc. + this is about one of your friends who deleted their personal the second i announced i got their user, that was something with kaeya, when they sent me a hate ask. i won't expose it here but that person was also the one who blacklisted a friend of mine for liking itto.

i think there is a lot more but i will stop it there, this could've ended differently and i'm sad that it ended this way. I wish you all the best and i mean it, i hope we all can learn from this and move on, write on tumblr for our favorite characters because it's fun and stay away from drama. If you made it this far thank you 💓 — yoru

[fanboy4u]

An angel's fan page just for you . .

⠀　⠀𐐪　⠀ Sweetheart 🌸  he / him　　 　💉

⠀　　𐙚　　Jirai﹒269﹒oswi﹒untaken ₊  ◞　　 　˙　　˳　　⁺　　Yandere blog

𓏵‎ BLOG Hii >_< this is my yanblr side blog ! ! I welcome everyone here with open arms . My posts will mainly to indulge in my obsessive love or to cater to my soon to be idols , aka you all ! I find it fun to idolize and have parasocial relationships , it's like a love language to me . Soo if you want a little fanboy then consider giving me some attention . I plan ( or simply hope ) to have this blog mainly revolve around asks . If you send me enough asks and I take a liking to you , you could very much become one of my idols . That may mean my obsessive tendencies going out to you or me posting about you frequently . So therefore , if you plan on staying anonymous , then I ask of you to sign off with something so I can always know who is who . I will add though that if I'm lucky enough to have multiple idols , that I will post about all of them , even if I obviously have favorites . I may also post about people outside of my inbox . Just whoever I find love for really !

What I also ask from you is that you at least commit a little to me ; please do not leave love into my blog then never appear again . I understand people get busy , but still . . Also , I am completely fine with you dming me if you want to be closer to me , in whatever way ! But I will ask right now that you let me know your age in your first messages , just for our own safety . I'm saying this because I've had situations where I've had WAY older men texting me and I do not want that (ᵕ—ᴗ—) . That being said , if I don't respond to you , don't throw a fit please . ( Note it may not always be because of age that I don't respond ; I could have not seen it or had some other reason ) Tags

𓏵‎ LITTLE THINGS ABOUT ME → While I mainly identify with being a yandere , I also identify with the himedere type :3 I don't exactly think I'll post a lot regarding that though . But if you keep it in mind that would make me flattered

→ I'm apart of the jirai kei community → I really want more friends that are also yans ! ! So pleaseplease talk to me even if you don't exactly care for my worship → As I mentioned before , this is a sideblog , so I cannot follow back from here . However , I don't find this blog to be any secret , so I'll follow back from my main ( @yourdreamsweetheart ) ! ! My posts there are just personal stuff really . I do not mind if you interact with me there ! → I feel like I should mention that I'm gay . Woah ! ! !

→ I'm an angelkin ^_^ → This page is kind of for all around oshikatsu ( obviously ) , so sometimes I may post about fictional characters I favorite . I don't really think I will post about celebrities on here excessively , but if you want to know some I like feel free to ask lmao ! ! I mostly listen to Visual kei bands or pop groups . → My current theme is Eichi Tenshouin from enstars , who happens to be one of my oshis ! I plan on making an ita bag for him soon

𓏵‎ BOUNDERIES

I don't have much to say here , as I like any sort of attention I get , but I will say that being overly explicit with me ( in a serious manner ) will just get you blocked . Both in the sexual or hurtful way I don't mind a little suggestiveness or sadism but please be moderate I should also clarify that my posts are mainly a coping mechanisms and that I do not genuinely plan on carrying about any of the potentially/blatantly harmful acts I talk about . ( For example , posts about stalking outside of social media )

I don't really have a dni list to put , if I don't fancy you I will just block you . Though , I have a dni on my main , so if you still want to be completely in the clear then you can go search for that .

Block don't report !

[apollos-favorite-child]

ooc post abt some drama

So I’m pretty sure everyone has either interacted with @/demigod-jack-hearth or at least seen some of the posts that were made abt his Circe au. I’ve been trying to keep track of everyone’s thoughts on this (namely @unhinged-waterlilly and @if-chaos-was-a-boy who both have really helpful posts about it) and since I’m capable of producing coherent thoughts every once in a while, I thought I would share my thoughts on all of this.

So I should probably start with the AU, which really was the cause of a lot of this chaos. So first of all, making it in the first place was a very interesting choice. I’m not sure if Jack based it more off the odyssey or the epic musical, but either way it’s just a very weird decision. I understand people like to project on their character which makes sense, but Jack never mentioned being r@ped. (And I hope he never was) but it feels like if he was comfortable enough to make that part of an AU, he would’ve probably mentioned it one of the times he was trying to defend himself.

I understand that HE might’ve thought it was a fine change to make since he was comfortable with it, but I’ve seen a handful of people saying it made them uncomfortable. I’m aware it’s not his job to make sure everyone is happy, but the whole AU was really unnecessary knowing it could’ve made someone uncomfortable.

People even went to Jack saying they were v!ctims and they didn’t like his AU, and he basically told them to fuck off, without ANY condolences or apologies to the people for having to go through that. Those people shared their experiences and he just didn’t care.

And YES Odysseus is a fictional character, but his trauma is still basically being disrespected. I’ve seen a couple of people saying other are being dramatic since they are angry about him being invalidated, but it makes sense to me why they would be angry.

One anon (who was a sa victim of I remember right) came to Jack being rude, and SO many people have been rude to this anon, calling them either rude or dramatic, but honestly I think they were just really angry about what Jack had done (which is perfectly understandable) and they didn’t really think or bother to be polite when they sent that. They made a mistake too, but I don’t think jacks response was any better.

And once he realized that he was wrong (after having to be confronted by multiple people) he NEVER apologized. The words “I’m sorry” were not on a single one of his posts. He basically was just trying and failing to defend himself. This all could’ve been solved much quicker with a simple apology, but he’s more concerned with making sure everyone likes him and that he’s right so he doesn’t have to deal with any guilt.

And now he’s apparently disappeared and has been self harming and just struggling a lot. But you want to know what I find interesting? Jack never mentioned having a boyfriend, and now Fred has taken control of his account, responding to almost everyone and trying to defend Jack. I might be the only one, but I did NOT understand how to use tumblr at first, and it took me a while until I even learned how to reblog people and tag stuff. Even once I did learn how to tag people, I wasn’t tagging 20+ people on every post like Jack does. Another interesting thing is that the blog said something along the lines of “I didn’t mean to blah blah blah” and sounded like it was Jack defending himself, but then the message ended with -Freddy

If I was Fred, I would’ve made ONE post explaining why Jack disappeared, and not mentioning any of the sh or breakdowns. He could’ve made a post without mentioning all of that and disrespecting jacks privacy. Instead, he’s been responding to every person and mostly trying to defend Jack in every one of them. He also said he locked Jack out of his tumblr account, which you LITERALLY CANNOT DO unless he took away Jacks phone, which just seems really controlling, even if he did think it was best for Jack. So yes, this is me saying that I don’t think Fred is real. Especially since Jack is a ROLEPLAYER, and we are completely used to acting like different people.

Going back to the self-harm topic, I think that parts very weird as well. He’s made self harm jokes, and while I know perfectly well people can use humor as a coping mechanism, that’s just another really insensitive thing to do. It just doesn’t really make sense to me how you can make self harm jokes one week and then let your boyfriend tell a bunch of people on the internet you’ve been trying to hurt yourself.

Overall I think this spiraled into a lot more than it should’ve been, and this all wouldn’t have happened if he had just apologized, or just never have made that AU.

jacks tag list- @zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite

@fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son

@bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial

@reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia

@that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass

@kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @i-was-never-sane @clown-energy-skyrocketing @zoe-aura-of-d3ath

@itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena

@sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @thedaughter-of-death @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan

@demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @southerndaughterofeos

@creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes

[its-a-me-mango]

BLOG Q&A

Is this blog just for SMG4 content?

Yes! This blog is just for SMG4 content! None of my other work will be on this blog, nor will any non SMG4 related reblogs be on here, this is my gay little SMG4 corner of the internet! I may sometimes talk about other things on here, such as other interests and crossovers and stuff like that, but the main focus of this blog is SMG4! I may also sometimes post about Mario in general (as I am just a big fan of Mario) but it’ll always be in an SMG4 context.

Is your blog SFW?

Yes! My blog is SFW! I try to keep my blog as 13+ as possible as I know there’s a lot of teens in this fandom and the last thing I want is for anyone to get uncomfortable with my blog. I may occasionally make jokes or references to more mature content, however I will tag these things as “Suggestive” if needed, please be sure to filter this tag if you’re not comfortable with seeing them. I will never explicitly post anything NSFW on this blog, I am just a 25 year old who still thinks sex jokes are funny.

With that in mind, I do not censor myself, I don't put symbols in words or use words that sound like what I'm saying, you don't need to do that on Tumblr and it can actually be harmful to people who do need those words filtered! I will say cunt, I will say sex, I will say porn, I won't censor myself to try and get around someone's filters at all, so please keep that in mind also.

Why do you take so long to respond to asks/messages/posts?

ADHD. I got no better answer for this, it’s all to do with energy for me and wherever my motivation is! I like to space things out on my blog whenever possible so that can sometimes lead me to have things sit around for a while with no response. I also like to respond with art wherever possible so that also can take a while. I can assure you if I am active and posting, I have seen your ask/message/post, please be patient with me when it comes to responding!

Why have you not responded to my ask/message/post?

Oh this is easy, it’s because of one of 2 things:

ADHD, again. I’m just taking my sweet ass time with responding! As mentioned before I sometimes respond with art (mainly for suggestions) so that can sometimes take me a while to get around to!

I don’t know how to respond, I do try my best but sometimes I have nothing good to respond with, so I just don’t! I’m not a very social person either and I kinda suck at having conversations so there’s that to consider as well.

I do read/see everything that is sent in to me and I do genuinely appreciate people's interest in me and my work, please do not take it personally if I do not respond to you! You are always welcome to send me more asks/messages/posts even if I have not responded to your previous one, there’s no limit on how much can be sent to me and I love seeing recurring profiles pop up with new stuff for me!

Can people tag you in posts?

Yes you can! I cannot guarantee that I'll respond/reblog every post that I'm tagged in but I do not mind being tagged (as long as its not excessive lol). I'm very hesitant to tag people myself unless I have something for them, so much like before, don't take it personally if I don't respond to posts I'm tagged in, I'm just shyyyyy.

Why do you not follow/message people?

I am on a side blog, this is my side blog, I cannot follow or like from a side blog and I don't want to interact from my main as of right now, I don’t care if people stumble upon it I just don’t want to link it to this blog right now. It’s the same reason why I don’t like people's posts either, trust me I wish I could, but I don’t want to make a whole new Tumblr account. I am perfectly happy running things like this, even if it means I can’t interact as much as I'd like to.

How active are you here?

I check this blog every day at least, and I like to reblog/post as much as I can. As stated I have ADHD so my interests can change around and fluctuate whenever, but I do at least aim to be here once a day. If I ever go quiet for any reason, I can still be contacted easily so don’t worry about sending in anything at any point! I’ll usually say if I’m going away at all but again, ADHD, so if I go on an unscheduled hiatus, it’s just me fixating on something else, don’t be afraid to message or interact with this blog if it goes quiet, the notification will probably bring me back anyway lol.

Are you on any other platforms?

I am not on any other platforms except Tumblr and Twitter!

I am on DA under my main account's name where I sometimes upload my SMG4 pieces there but that is it, I have a YouTube which has nothing on it (I’ve made like one comment from it lol). I will announce here if I'm on a different platform, I am not on discord under this username and I do not willingly give it out to people.

You said something that was not so great/problematic!

Please tell me! It is never my intention to offend or upset anyone so anything of that nature is 100% by mistake, you are welcome and encouraged to reach out to me and tell me if I make a mistake like that, I will not be upset or angry! This includes telling me about people I interact with that go against my DNI, I cannot check everyone I interact with so I appreciate any heads up on that too! I’m unlikely to answer or post about it unless it feels necessary to do so, but I will read and act accordingly to any concerns people have!

You do know DNI banners don’t really work right?

I know, I cannot stop TERF’s, Proshippers, Zionists or any other scumbag from looking at my blog, the most I can do is block anyone who sets off any immediate red flags to me and move on. I do not have the time nor patients to crawl through every single follower of mine to see if they fit my DNI criteria, I will usually ignore most people who give me the ick unless they insist on interacting with me. My DNI is mainly just to state where I personally stand and to let others know I don’t associate with those groups of people.

[elleloquently]

hi guys <3 since invisible string has wrapped up, there's been some things on my mind lately that have made posting a little less fun than i would like... i figured that i sort of just wanted to get it off of my chest before i dive into my next fic. i sort of feel like an ass for even mentioning this stuff but i've seen so many other writers having the same issues as well.. nobody has to read this at all - i guess this is just a clue to where i'm at and my relationship with writing on tumblr right now. this might be a bit of a doozy so i do apologize, i don't mean to sound whiny but truly i just want to get it off of my conscience.

also i want to stress that this has nothing to do with the people that have been continuously kind - i've been reading ur messages and comments regarding the final part of invisible string and i am quite literally over the moon with happiness, ilysm

firstly i want to say that you, my readers, have been so lovely. i know my account is not huge and i do not complete requests in a timely manner, but you all have shown me so much love and positivity that i cannot even fathom. i feel silly talking about "negative" things bc all of the love and support that i receive significantly outweighs the bad, but unfortunately i'm only human.

i've seen countless other writers talk about this as well, but the interaction blues are so real. it feels so contradictory to say this because all i'm doing is typing a silly little story, a fanfiction, at that, so i am absolutely nowhere near being a sophisticated writer... therefore i do not at all feel entitled to reblogs or comments or anything of the sort. but at the same time... it is so discouraging to work so hard on a piece, trying to frame it just right and even adding moments thinking, they'll love this... only for the notifs to be flooded with only likes and demands for a next part. and i absolutely know that these readers mean no ill intent whatsoever, it just feels disheartening at times, like guys can we please just appreciate one thing at a time? it almost makes the writer feel like they haven't done good enough, and it's such a shitty feeling after working so hard. just please remember that tumblr writers are people, we're doing this in our free time and writing for free (despite the silly little tumblr tip jar feature) - if there's a piece or a writer that you enjoy, please let them know! comments, reblogs, messages, all of those do so much to help support the writer and it's so encouraging.

the next point being, the echochamber that is fanfiction. i've pretty much fooled myself if i thought that i could come on here and have a solely original idea. it is still so frustrating sometimes despite how hard i try not to take it seriously. it does feel stupid to take fanfiction seriously but anyway... lately i've been torn between supporting all of the amazing writers on this app and the feeling like i don't want to read anything that appears in the ellie tag anymore. i can be working away at a piece for weeks, and then read someone else's work that has something similar and i feel like i have to delete the things that i've worked on because i never want to seem unoriginal, especially when you're on the flip side of it.. it sucks. it feels like you have a special idea, no matter how big or small, and the second that you post about it, it's everywhere. again, the echochamber. i'd be hard pressed to be able to put something out that someone else hasn't also done, or to put something out and not have other people use it too. it still just feels stressful sometimes, trying to make something about your work special so other people want to read it.

which brings me to my next thought... writing for engagement versus writing for fun. obviously we all want our work to be supported. it's sad when you work hard and it's just not. so yes, always support your writers. but with that, i really want to try to keep that joy in writing, and to not get overwhelmed. my next fic is going to be purely for fun. it is frankly so annoying to research the game or replay it over and over just to make sure every single detail is perfect. that isn't fun to me, i don't want to make something that is word for word and scene for scene something that already exists. i want to make it my own, with different worldbuilding and details for my own storytelling. if you're someone who has an issue with creative changes or inaccuracies from the game- my works may not be for you, and that's okay. i'd rather miss out on some readers than have people comment about something that is wrong.

i know this is all so much and it is a bit ridiculous, i don't think i'm the only one though. it gets a bit much to play into the social aspect of this community, not just writing but trying to appeal to everyone or making sure that all of the other accounts like me.. which just, isn't always going to be the case. with that being said, please remember that i'm a person and i have a job and i'm in college, it's hard to get on tumblr and write when i have huge essays due every night. just keep that in mind, if it takes me a long time to update or post it's not because i'm purposefully trying to make you suffer, there's just other things going on. please have courtesy for writers, please support writers. with all of that being said, i do hope i don't come off as a total drag. again- to all of you who have been nothing but kind and supportive, i love and appreciate you all so much. you are actively making this community and this hellsite a better place, so thank you for that.

much love,

<3 elle

[chronic-invisibility]

I stopped coming on here for like almost a month i think bc i added some tags onto a post i reblogged and the op called me out and said i completely misunderstood everything (except they misunderstood what i was trying to say so fuck me ig) and i got upset and dipped. In the meantime, lots of stuff has happened, but also not much.

I went back to university, the semester started last Thursday and it’s going well so far, I’m majoring in Museum Studies bc I am a big nerd, and it’s a 100% online program so I’m still working and I don’t have to like, move to Arizona, which is good.

Work is meh, we’re starting vaccine clinics again soon so I’ll be doing that again with this season’s flu and covid shots, and maybe other vaccines as well I’m not sure what the regulations are now. We still only have one pharmacist on staff so we’re stuck with a rotating cast of floaters, some of whom are more helpful than others. And the customers are still horrible, that hasn’t changed. I got yelled at for 10 minutes today by someone who’s doctor called in over a dozen prescriptions and then faxed us and cancelled all of them so we put them all back, which was a mistake apparently and then after we finally got it sorted and got them called in again, we were supposed to close in 10 minutes so it was physically impossible to fill 15 prescriptions for one person, and she wanted us to stay open late just for her, which legally we can’t do and also no, we want to go home and she was being so rude we didn’t really want to help her at all. So yeah, work is work

In good news, I’ve been talking to someone i matched with on a dating app (my intro that they messaged me about was mcr related, so you know they’re a keeper) and we’ve been on 2 dates and text a lot and we’re planning on hanging out again this Tuesday. They’re a special ed teacher and they have adhd so they get how my brain works and they work with kids whose brains work similarly to both of ours, and they’re really funny and cool and smart and nice and pretty, I really hope this keeps going well bc I really like them.

I watched the newest season of Heartstopper twice in a row after it came out, reread all the comics that are out (Alice Oseman is still publishing them, too, so that’s nice) and then rewatched both seasons in a row. It’s so cute and so good and i can feel the hyperfixation building. I’ve watched it enough that I keep slipping into a british accent when I talk, which is entirely unintentional but not the worst thing. I can also do it on purpose, but i tend to pick up accents from people I hear talk a lot, which is maybe the only fun side effect of masking my whole life

I’ve seen a few really good plays and musicals recently, I know I saw The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window before i stopped posting on here, but that was really good, and then I saw Kimberly Akimbo the other day, it was INCREDIBLE. The music and the writing are amazing, obviously, and the actors were all so good, again obviously. They won 5 Tony’s last season, including for Best Musical and Best Featured Actress in a musical and Best Lead Actress in a musical, which were so well-deserved, I seriously cannot hype this show up enough. There’s so many good shows on Broadway right now and I wish I could see them all, there were a bunch I wanted to see but closed before I got the chance, too, including Prima Facie starring Jody Comer, but I bought the script for that one.

In less fun news, I think i might need to put a read more here bc there be triggers coming

Between my chronic GI issues (trying to see a specialist about it again but there’s a whole mess of problems with that i just don’t feel like typing) and watching season 2 of Heartstopper and also rereading it and seeing Charlie struggling with his eating disorder, I’ve lapsed pretty hard with my own. I can’t really call it a relapse bc I was never really actually trying to recover, but I was trying for a while to eat a little more normally, but that’s basically out the window now. Thanks brain, so helpful of you to see a person struggling with a similar mental illness to mine and say “well they’re sicker than you so you suck and also you need to work harder at being sick like them” like FUCK OFF that’s not helpful and also Charlie is literally a fictional character and most of the storyline is about how he’s trying to get help for his ed and how awful they are, and his ed and mine aren’t the same, nor are our reasons for being disordered. So that’s not been fun.

I also realized (after watching a video by a therapist reacting to the scene when Ben assaults Charlie in Heartstopper and then going and obsessively researching legal definitions) that what happened to me in the summer of 2019 would probably be classified as a rape, not just a sexual assault. Which it also was, but what happened falls under the legal definition of rape, not just assault. So I’ve been spiraling about that, even though I still remember almost none of it and once again my garbage brain has decided that I’m somehow not allowed to be that upset or say I’m traumatized bc I don’t experience two of the most common symptoms of ptsd (flashbacks and nightmares) so clearly, this is all me being dramatic, even though basically everything else fits. And those aren’t required to be diagnosed with ptsd. Not that I WANT ptsd, but for whatever reason I feel like i’m not allowed to even say i’m a little bit traumatized by what happened bc of that. Again, stupid brain. I also realized after talking to the person I’ve been talking to (idk if we’re officially dating, maybe i should ask) about boundaries and what we’re both comfortable with, that the last person who I’ve had any “romantic” physical contact with was the person who raped me, and also the only sexual contact I’ve ever had (unless i’ve blocked out more than just the one assault I know happened) was with that same person, so now i’m extremely anxious about doing anything with the person i’m sort of maybe dating, even though neither of us are interested in just jumping right to physical intimacy, they’ve also experienced similar situations so they’re anxious about it too, and also they’re a nice person who i’d trust to not push it if i wasn’t comfortable with something, but idk how to say “i’m anxious about kissing you even though i like you and i want to kiss you bc the last person i kissed was the person who raped me over 4 years ago”

I’m working on finding a new therapist now that i’m done with my IOP and i know that’s going to be one of the (far too many) things i need to deal with in therapy, as well as all the other trauma from that summer, and from my previous university experience, and my whole fucking childhood, and also my other issues that aren’t necessarily trauma related, although most of them probably are to a certain extent bc being an undiagnosed audhd person who also doesn’t realize they’re trans until they’re an adult is inherently traumatic.

I don’t know if there’s any other big stuff I want to/feel like I need to say that’s been going on, not that anybody will probably read all or any of this. But yeah, a lot is going on, but also not much is actively going on. This was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Oops.

[ao3feed-piltovers-finest]

Hi! A while ago you made a post with some great Violyn recs, and I bookmarked and went through and loved all of them, but I didn’t do the same with some that were in progress, so could you link them again? And then also, do you have some new recs? :)) There’s so much stuff out there right now and it’s a bit hard to sift, so unbiased suggestion for something interesting and well written would be much appreciated. I don’t really care about the length as long as it’s good, in character and hopefully canon compliant? Or anything else that stands out, really. As for ratings everything is a go, just a big NO to abo (even if we put noncon issue aside, sorry but there’s only a limited amount of blowj*bs I can take in my basic lesbian p*rn, lol) or gross monster stuff unfortunately abundant these days. Also, nothing wrong with WIPs but preferably finished stories? And TYSM. For what you’re doing there, and for all the recs, past and present! <3

Hey there! :)

First of all, thank you for your kind words, and second - apologies for a relatively tardy reply (also, if you sent this message twice by mistake, the reply's to the greyface one - in case you wanted to retain anonymity, if that's okay?) since it took a bit to compile appropriate thoughts and words for a decent response. But since below the cut you'll be able to find not only links but also (unsolicited? :) reviews, I hope it'll at least give you enough of a fix - for a while?

:)

Now, let's start with...

That post, that I think you can still find under 'fic recs' section on the main page, there were two WIPs there, if I recall? One of them is still a fun read (the unpretentious, fun AU one that I think I tagged as my 'guilty pleasure' at the time?) and the other, well - despite having a really intense beginning it got convoluted and overly watered down half-way, and lost me. (So, no more recommending WIPs, yes - check. Lol.) But to answer your other question - in the meantime I read, loved, and would wholeheartedly recommend... hmm. Ok, since you basically gave me free range apart from the omgaverse (for which - no worries, I don't care for it either, I've seen dozens of them passing over this page, but only one well-written, with an actual interesting plot and character dynamics - but a WIP, so we might go back to that one at some later point? ;) the ONLY criteria now I guess would be...

The works of some new and/or underrated authors? How's that, to fulfill the primary intent of this blog, which is to promote and/or send appreciation to those who really truly deserve it?

So, yeah. In no particular order, here are some of my recent faves:

Digging Like You Can Bury Something That Cannot Die series by shoutoutout

@shoutoutout

Canon compliant, a study on guilt, loss and acceptance. A truly gripping study, a recontextualization if you will (expanding the context span, filling in gaps) with emphasis on that residual emptiness that one never truly accepts, just learns how to live with. The way in which Vi is given facing, then coping with all of it in such a simply human, fight or flight way - is incredibly relatable. While the first part written from Cait's perspective gives a unique insight into her upbringing, her heritage, her relationship with her mother (which, perhaps it's just me - but I love seeing it explored beyond what we've seen onscreen, especially with that last scene, where it's evident that no matter how much she disagrees with her mum she still looks to her for comfort when she is despair) and then of course - grief flooded with regret. Really masterfully written.

Grenadier by antistar_e (kaikamahine)

@kaikamahine

Set post-finale, this is basically a character dynamics piece, written from Vi's perspective. It's a gentle, at times funny and yet gritty and profound exploration of regret, mourning and unhealthy coping mechanisms - on everyone's behalf, with developments between Vi, Cait and Jinx (yes, all three of them - but don't let this deter you just because Jinx has absolutely no boundaries ;) this is uniquely beautiful portrayal of sisterly relationship. The simple way Vi explains her love for Jinx will break your heart, because she loves her despite everything, the guilt, lack of remorse - it's the love that doesn't preclude justice or exempt her from consequences, but just grows, adapts, restitches its seams. It has elements of romantic developments (in different directions?) but the central part is the sisters, and to be completely frank it's the best fic I've ever read exploring these dynamics, post finale. Both characterisation as well as style wise.

Drink from the Cup of Fortune by xanthinriff

@xanthinriff

'Does happiness bloom from the soil of pain, or is pain a byproduct of happiness lost?' If you've ever read anything else written by this author, you'll know that their writing simply cannot be summarized, objectively or rationally. And this one is not an exception, it is post finale, post everything and beyond, and it gives us Vi's perspective on - grief, guilt, need to belong, the feeling of loss, helplessness, selfishness, mental self-flagellation... gosh, I've said it before and I'll say it again, xanthinriff has a uniquely, gut-wrenching writing style that packs a punch - undaunted to tackle even the most complex, or darkest of emotions so it's definitely not for those who want a sappy, trite emotional lemonade. But rather real raw human emotions, such as... well, those listed above?

Now, the author has deleted their A03 account for personal reasons, but this specific work is still available per request, exclusively here (author's prerogative, of course) so if what you read there got you intrigued - send us a DM and we shall deliver.

(This is also valid for some of their other work, previously referenced and recommended on this page)

sweet & bitter by garcondencre

@garcondencre

Canon compliant. An exploration of what happened between the moment Caitlyn and Vi found themselves alone in Cait's bedroom and the moment they left each other in the rain. A beautifully heartfelt character study, a train of thought from Vi's perspective, if you will. Characterization is spot on, emotions are intense and tangible, and the inner conflict fleshed out so viscerally, painfully well.

The Power of a Name by kendricked

@caitkirammans

One of those 'five times' prompts, written from Caitlyn's perspective. A very interesting take on how she viewed things that happened, and then those that [spoiler]. It contains some missing bits, or interludes, if you will. They speaks volumes on Caitlyn herself, seamlessly showing that cross between that naivetee and genuine selflessness - and also how she saw, and sees Vi. Emotional intensification written and depicted at its best.

keep your head low by espressbian

@espressbian

Canon compliant. An amazing dive into Caitlyn's mind (ok, I guess Vi’s as well - in the second chapter?) showing us their respective perspectives on things that happened - through this very skillfully written inner dialogue, depicting the inner workings of both of their minds, but especially Caitlyn's... I found it gripping, touching and impressively intense all at the same time.

no powder but stardust by softnyx

(tumblr unknown - let us know, if you do?)

I think I already mentioned this one? It's a one-shot, but is contained of eight episodes with time gaps, featuring snippets of scenes from different, not-so-random periods. Starts with that beautiful childish pure innocence and veers off into... well, two diverse worlds, a canon divergence AU (star-crossed lovers of sorts, comes to mind) that grows close to the one of game canon-world? The characterisation is endearingly tangible and wholesome, and it is absolutely amazing what a skillful author can do in such little space and with so few words.

Wrap ya gun in giftwrap by Latenightsgunfights

@latenightsgunfights

This is quite a short piece, basically just smutty. Why on this list, you might wonder? Well, the way it shows Vi struggling between how she sees herself, the subtly shown conflict between the tough front and bravado and how she feels about herself in regards to Caitlyn, how it manifests in their physical connection - the implication how certain feelings can be put into submission... it's quite a lot (yeah, no one's immune to hot smutty ones, but I prefer them with some substance, alright? ;) for a short piece with barely 1k of a wordcount.

Chances by mira_blue

@mira-blue

To be completely honest, this is not really CaitVi (they're just acknowledged in the passing) but rather a canon-compliant take on Vi's complicated relationship with her sister, post S1. (Yeah, I've been kinda leaning towards those, recently - can you tell? :) Pieces like this, exploring this kind of dynamics of theirs are quite rare, and this one may seem like just a drabble - but try to get into Jinx's fragmented stream of consciousness. It's uncomfortable, realistic and tangible, all at once. I've seen very few well-written ones and this one is my absolute favourite one.

Shadow of Nothing by UmbreonGurl

@umbreongurl

Quite sure you've read some of the other works of this author as well, but this one is a bit different from all of their other (AU? fluffy? comedy? romcom?) work, and a bit underrated in my opinion. In a span of a single chapter it covers literally everything, from the prison break till post finale - while at the same time being a character study of Cait. It's simple, unpretentious, with effective time lapses, and an interestingly different, more realistic view of Vi - as it makes more sense that she'd be more distrustful, standoffish and defensive to start with in the beginning. But it's a quite fresh and intimate take on Cait, and it's not that angsty (like the rest of the stuff from this list), so...

Dust Collected OnMy Pinned-Up Hair by tailoredjade

@tailoredjade

Ok, there are so many high-school AUs out there, but there's just that something about the pacing of this one. It covers a longer timespan, with smaller/larger gaps and ellipses, but the way it captures the yearning and pining is incredibly palpable. It's friends-to-lovers, but in a way also a compelling character piece that captures Cat's inner workings (exasperation? anxiety?) rather well. Quite interestingly written (in terms of sentence structure, or how it follows the character's thought-process) it's a fittingly positive one, for the end of this list?

:)

Aaand - that'd be all.

As always, if you enjoy any of these (and even if they're not really new for you - and you already had, lol) go drop these lovely people out there a positive note, some appreciation and encouragement - and then let us know as well.

Cheers! 🌈💖

[delicate-moon-princess]

More About Me

Hi there! I’m Princess and I wanted to take a moment to tell you some more about me and my writing. Thank you for all the support you have shown my work, I’m glad you enjoyed my writing. ❤️🥺 Anyways, I will let you all get to know me a little bit better:

All my work is going to be 18+! This is an 18+ blog. Minors DNI!

Currently, I’m writing only for Henry Cavill and his characters. I have seen The Witcher, Enola Holmes, Sandcastle, Mission Impossible: Fallout, Night Hunter, and The Man from U.N.C.L.E. So, I can confidently write for Geralt, Sherlock, Sy, August, Walter and Napoleon. I’m not opposed to writing for his other characters. They just might be a little OOC. I have a long weekend coming up soon, and I plan on binge watching as many Henry Cavill movies and shows as I can on my days off. 😂

For now, all of my work will be reader insert. I just have so much fun writing these kinds of fics, it's so immersive. I like to keep the reader as inclusive as possible, but I feel the most comfortable writing fem!reader. I don't have much practice writing in the mindset of another gender. And I don't want to offend anyone by trying to do so.

So, I’m new to the whole Tumblr writing scene. I’m trying to learn how to better organize my page, with tags and such. You’ll have to bear with me as I learn the ins and outs of owning a writing blog. It might be a little messy for a while lol. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

I plan on making a masterlist when I compile a bit more work. I only have two fics as of now.

Many of you have asked for a continuation of my oneshot “The Night of Many Firsts”. I have a few ideas on how to continue with this fic. My plan is to write more oneshots centered around Sy and Darlin’. (that’s what I’m calling them now). I would love to write about even more firsts they tackle together. Just need to get my mind flowing with ideas.

Speaking of ideas- prompts, requests, etc. are now open! Please send me messages and asks, I’m so lonely lol. Flood my inbox with your beautiful minds. I will gladly be your muse.

I only have few limits right now: No gore, underage, or incest. I might discover more of my limits the more I write. For real though, I have some pretty strange kinks so don’t be afraid of weirding me out hehe.

Some of my plans for writing include dark fics, ddlg, abdl, non-con, and overall just some kinky stuff. If any of these will make you uncomfortable, please let me know if you want to be removed from my taglist. I can also just not tag you if I post fics like these. Rest assured, all of my work will include the appropriate warnings.

And last but not least, I really want to pour my heart and soul into my fics. That being said, I’m doing this for fun. I still have a job and schooling to get through, so I cannot guarantee when I will post more work. And also, I’m a perfectionist. So it takes me a long time to convince myself my writing is good enough to post. I’ll try and take some time everyday to just interact with you all. Your kind words have touched my heart. Thank you so much, I hope you all have a wonderful day/night! 💖

Taglist: @pandaxnienke @sunshine-with-daisy @leigh70 @islacharlotte

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

i've been slowly and methodically making my way through all of your fics (it wouldn't be right if i didn't. you're carrying the rachel and dick tag on your BACK). and for a while i thought the first in the purification series was my all time favourite (body failing, a mindfight, its all i ever wanted)

but last night. at 1am, i started wicked game, and it took me SIX HOURS to finish it. and that i did. 7 in the fucking morning and i am at a loss for words. it's brilliant. it's got all the things i like- ballet, trauma, core four. i genuinely cannot applaud you enough.

i was wondering how you felt about people (with credit, of course), taking inspiration from your fics, writing sequels or missing scenes and such? of course, i know that a lot of people really don't like that kind of stuff, so it's absolutely alright if you don't. it was just a thought i had.

basically, long story short, i've had your ao3 notifications on for months. i wake up to an email and i fucking sprint. it's incredible. thank you

Listen, in times when I'm struggling for inspiration because I haven't seen any new Dick and Rachel scenes in so long, messages like this are literally a blessing sent from heaven.

First of all, I teared up reading this, THANK YOU. It's so good to know there are people out there, people like me who absolutely cannot live without this father-daughter duo. Many times, especially in recent months, I was struggling with writing about them because I felt like I was talking to a wall - everybody is so focused on Dickkory (a ship I love with my whole heart but it's not my main focus) that I'm just sitting here in my little corner, hoping someone stops by, you know? So for you to come in and say "I got notifications on you for months, you post, I sprint" means the absolute world to me. I want to give you the biggest hug. It really built me up after feeling down for so long.

Now. Wicked Game - an experience of a lifetime I get to share with my super talented bestie @wonderbatwayne and I could have never done this without her, so I can't take all the credit. I just had a tiny idea and she helped me shape it into something beautiful. I've grown as a writer because of her and learned a whole lot. I will never forget it. In case you haven't checked them out yet (but I have a feeling you did), she has some amazing Dick&Rach stories in her arsenal as well, things I am religiously rereading over and over. "Raise a Little Hell", "Fear Makes Companions Of Us All" or "All Doors Lead to Home" are some of my absolute favorites!

Fun WG fact: just last week I got a tattoo in honor of this story - Let's see if we can fly on my arm.

Also, I have to acknowledge this because you blew my mind. Over 260k words and you finished it all in ONE NIGHT?!? Mad respect for you, that's dedication!!!!

I have nothing against people taking inspiration from my fics, especially this one and I'm sure my friend doesn't mind either when it comes to WG. We're planning an official sequel, got some ideas thrown together but it's currently sitting on a shelf as we both got other things going on and we're taking it slow this time. And I think this is you subtly trying to ask for permission to get creative with it and let me tell you: you have it. It would be the greatest honor to see what you (and possibly, hopefully others) can do with what I created, how can you take it further.

You say I'm carrying Dick & Rachel tag on my back but I wouldn't be able to do this without you and everyone who reads my fics. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means everything. With season 4 just around the corner and a really strong possibility of getting some beautiful, amazing moments from these two I'm sure the inspiration will come. And if you ever want to scream about these moments with someone and spread the love, just slide into the chat so we can scream together!!!!

[captainkirbypunch]

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is. 

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted. 

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often. 

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly. 

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things. 

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in. 

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there. 

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

[taeslovehandles]

I never meant to target you and I'm sorry you felt that way. You properly tag everything and adhere to the "don't like, don't read" rule. I don't follow you nor you follow, because we simply don't vibe together and that's okay.

But there are posts that are on the more "innocent" side that do represent fat people as a joke and it's like they don't even realize it because it's something so well ingrained in our fatphobic society.

For example, all the characters are having fun except the fat one or referring to someone as "twice his size" (like... If they want to say he's huge, they should just say it, not imply that there's a "right size" for someone to be).

I don't think authors should censor themselves, just acknowledge the role they play in how fat characters are perceived by the community they write for.

-🍓

First of all, since you obviously haven’t blocked me, you could have come to me via direct message. This is not a topic that needs to be brought out into the public eye even more than it already is. I have worked with anons before, I would have been the last person to reveal who you are. You could have made a trash account to message me in dm’s, but since you didn’t, I will reply to you here.

I want to make one thing clear. This will be my last response on the topic. If you do not like me as a member of the community please use the block button and filter me out, because I will stay. I have many friends here, and know that many people enjoy my content. Just because a small handful of people don’t appreciate dark themes in fiction, the contents of which they can easily protect themselves from, won’t make me falter.

Now, I want to debunk this ask because your ‘apology’ actually made me very upset.

I know you don’t mean it when you say you are sorry because you’re backpedaling on what you’ve told your friends and it really rubs me the wrong way. You could have owned up to your mistakes and apologized sincerely like others had but you continue to play victim and excuse your behaviour with tales of your own trauma, projecting your own insecurities onto my blog and thus hating me.

I know for a fact that you despise my blog, especially my writing, because you do not like how “obviously skinny people write about weight gain.”

Honey.

I couldn’t be any further from skinny.

I don’t mind sharing my actual weight, which has actually gotten worse due to COVID. I weigh 490lbs. I am morbidly obese. I have always been morbidly obese. For you to come and be “nitpicky” about a genre you don’t even enjoy? Why are you even reading my fics then?

The way I write about obese people, their struggles with literally everything… that comes from real life experience. I write this to share embarrassing and exhausting daily life tasks I personally struggle with.

A skinny person would never write some of the stuff I do, because they simply don’t know. They don’t know how scary it is to hear the line “we are going to a restaurant.” They don’t know how scary it is to go into that new restaurant, scan the chairs and think “Shit, am I gonna fit? Is the chair gonna creak? Is there enough space for the next table? What if I won’t fit?” A thin person doesn’t have to think this way.

And, let me tell you something else. Yes, I agree. The world is fatphobic.

In one of my recent posts I talked about movies and shows where they make fun of fat people because I hate it. Because it is REAL LIFE. And I am all for the body positivity movement and I do believe that all bodies are beautiful, because they are.

You do not know me personally.

And that leads to my next point. If you personally have issues with the phrase “twice my size��, then that is on you. And guess what? I cannot count how often I’ve heard lines like that my whole life.

“Oh wow two people would fit in one of your pant legs.”

“Wow, you are so fat, I could use your pants as a tent.”

So trust me, I know. I KNOW. But anon, this is the important part for me. Everyone processes trauma differently.

Inked ch3? Or literally any story I have written with a fat character being forced, insulted and talked down to like they’re dumb? That’s what I have been living with my entire life. Most of these stories, some obviously more extreme than how I had experienced them since it’s fiction, have been recordings of trauma I have went through.

My own dad force fed me. Forced me to eat food and gain weight. My first boyfriend was a feeder that manipulated me into gaining more weight and took measurements. Called me pig names and abused me. Hit me, manipulated me into having s** with him and then let all of his fantasies out on me.

I don’t make this shit up. I hate my brain for being so twisted now, that I actually find it hot and arousing. It’s weird. I know, but that’s how it is.

I’ve also never had friends in school. Not even kindergarten. Why? Because my “fat incased body could spread like a virus.” I was being bullied like JK was in Pondus.

I had hot water thrown at me, got glue put on my seats and hair, had my hair ripped out and even got a cigarette burn mark on my arm. Just because I was fat. Just because of how my body was shaped.

I was strangled and locked into a small locker for a night. I was almost killed for running away from my abusive dad from his car and had to listen to things like, “You are going to die when you are 30. No one will ever love you and your body.” That I have trust issues now and am paranoid about everything and everyone.

Those dark stories. I use those dark stories to try to work through my trauma. And yes, it may be absurd to you. It may disgust you, what I write. But sadly, most of it? Most of it really happened to me. To me and other people I’ve talked to as a friend or seen online. Most of what I write will be dark because the human species is made up of terrible creatures.

Fatphobia is an important topic, and I am happy the media has been slowly getting better about it, that people accept us more. But my writing is how I work with my trauma. If I can make fictional characters feel the same things I had to feel, that makes me feel better.

And I’m not hurting anyone with it. So how is it wrong?

I do not support any of this behaviour in real life. I never bullied anyone, I always try to speak up for my friends and tell people if they are being assholes. Because I hate them too and it makes me angry when good people get shit when they do nothing but breathe.

And how @pudgecuddles already said. I don't need you to advocate for body positivity and all that shit when you go out of your way to bully someone that may have experienced the same shit you have. I do not know you or what you went through in your life, but I am sorry. I’m sorry you feel like my stories aren’t okay to write, but this is how I work on my trauma and I need you to respect that.

I’ve said this before. We don’t have to be friends, or even talk to each other.

Just be neutral.

Block me. Filter me out. Pretend I don't exist. But, whatever you do, don’t make posts that call me out while making it obvious you’re talking about me, with the cover that you are advocating against fatphobia. That’s got a name. Cyber-bullying.

Have you hurt me with those posts? Yes you have, but I’ve never wanted bad blood. As you may have noticed, it wasn’t me that made a post. It was my good friend. Because I told her how exhausting it was and she knew about the posts back then.

I have a good idea of who you are.

I remember you.

But I kept my mouth shut. Because this community is my home and the last thing I wanted was for the people who like both of our types of content to feel like they have to choose sides.

In the end, we all rub one out to fat gay boys in a band. No user is better than the rest, and if there are topics you do not enjoy, there is a button for it. No need to drag everyone into it with posts. It’s exhausting and irritating.

Now, I do not accept your apology because you lied to me and I also do not feel like you meant it sincerely knowing what I know now after reading some dm’s. But I also won’t sit here and start shit.

This is my last post about this.

Please block me and enjoy the content you do like.

Nonetheless, I hope you have a nice day and a lovely weekend. Whatever you are experiencing or going through, I hope it gets better. Because even if you hate me personally for creating content you do not support, I’d say that I am a really friendly and nice person.

I do not believe that anyone deserves to be bullied like that and talked down in official posts. It happened before with a friend of mine and you probably remember that I did speak up about it.... But apparently no one learned from it. I really hope this time you do.

Insult me and shit talk me all you want in dm’s, but don’t do it publicly. No one deserves that kind of hate or passive aggressiveness. No one. Since you sound like someone that went through a lot of shit too, you should know better. You should know how it feels to be bullied and what damage it can cause.

I’m already depressed enough and I have bad lows. Let me write my erotica and just enjoy it? That’s all I want? I am a part of this community just like you were. You leaving because you did not like my content, is not my problem. If you cannot block me or ignore it and go so far as to read them and then rant about them negatively, what do you want me to do? I won’t leave the scene just because you don’t like me.

So, you either trash talk me in dm’s from now on so that I do not see it, or you block me. The latter of which would be the more mature thing to do. The more humane thing to do. Because talking behind someone’s back is just as bad.

Again, I don’t know why you felt like it was necessary to send me an ask with lies in it when I got screenshot proof of something else you have said/issues with, so don’t backpedal on me. I know Hun. I know already.

At least stick to what you said and actually apologize or, if you can’t, just block me.

But this ask? This ask just upset me.

Have a nice day.

p.s: The fact that this even needs to be talked about is so absurd and ridiculous to me. The whole thing is a petty party in my eyes that isn't even worth anyone's time? Do people on here really not have any other issues right now or am I in the wrong movie?

[ericcartmn]

Y'know, after feeling low and overwhelmed for so long, I'm in a pretty good mood right now, and I figured I'd spread some of that positivity, just in case you've been feeling crappy too.

Let's start off with the day I met you.

It was Christmas break 2018. I hadn't got my blog just yet (that was Feb. 2019), so I was just a little helpless anonymous exploring the Eric Cartman tag on tumblr.

Then, I stumbled across your blog.

It literally changed my life.

I always thought I was weird for liking Cartman the way I did, overthinking every characteristic about him, and just in general fanboying (not in that way ofc, A:not gay, B:hes 10 lmfao) over someone who I originally when I started watching had a hatred for.

But you helped me realize that it's not so weird.

I had the courage to send my first anonymous ask.

The ask that started it all.

It's crazy to think had I not sent that, we wouldn't have started this friendship, and maybe I wouldn't be here on this site to this very day.

This friendship was the best Christmas gift I could've ever asked for.

We would communicate through anonymous asks, and lots of other things.

Then the day came in 2019 that I finally got my blog.

I quickly rushed to your blog, and sent my first message, and followed you instantly.

I followed a few other Cartman/SP blogs I came across too.

These past three years of our friendship have been so amazing.

Always getting off a boring and long day at school, but opening up my phone, and almost always seeing

"Ericcartmn just reblogged a post"

"Ericcartmn just posted a post"

Seeing that in my push notifications always brought a smile to my face.

And always seeing in my notes when I posted a new SP fic or fanart, that you reblogged it.

Seeing when a new episode would air, even after I quit watching, I loved seeing your opinions on the episode. I knew what was happening in the show simply because of your posts (and the wiki)

I love talking about politics with you, even if it isn't a common topic, it was always amazing.

I remember when the George Floyd situation happened last year, and you and I chatted about it for hours.

When the Capital Hill riots happened in January, while watching the news, I instantly messaged you, and I live chatted everything I saw, and that was huge.

When I first got into Modern Family, talking about that was memorable, even if you hadn't really seen much of it at all.

Talking about our lives, and the stresses of it.

I always loved hearing about your job, and talking about school.

Everything about this friendship has been nothing short of amazing.

You were the first online friend I ever met here on this hellsite, and it doesn't matter if we've never met in person, you've always been a real friend to me.

If you ever need someone to chat with, don't be afraid to shoot me a message.

Love you Jas,

-Zach/Killer

I literally cannot believe u remember how we met bro, I have the shittiest memory in the world!! But it means a lot that you went through all the trouble to talk to me, even on anon. GOD its so embarrassing how cringe i was back then (even now tbh lets be real lmao) But you stuck around and u def didnt have to. Thanks for always being here and liking, rbing, or even commenting on my stuff, esp my art. Id feel so low and then BOOM see a notification on my art blog from u, and im so bad at conveying my emotions, but i really do appreciate it. I hope things with you start to get easier, i know life can really suck, but it gets easier eventually, trust me im old as hell LOL

i know im always on and off and with my billion of sideblogs, i suck at checking my messages, but if u ever wanna chat u know where to find me :)

ALSO the fact that u use to have my notifications on.... RIP to your notifications lmaooo u a real one

[shark-myths]

Fic Writer Review

thanks for the tag, @setting-in-a-honeymoon !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60! which is a lot, and also doesn’t include the fics i orphaned from an old fandom (a controversial decision to me, by me)

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

867,941

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

so many throughout history, and some i’m sure i’ve forgotten. and yes, i’ve been writing RPF since age 13 and am developmentally stunted as a result. smallville, x-men, lotr, afi, fall out boy, battlestar galactica, mcu, iron man, marina del rey, mcr, star trek, supernatural, p!atd, and now the latest blessed sinkhole, cobra kai.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Stranger Danger

From Russia With Love

The Difference Between Real Love and the Love On TV

Boys Next Door/Assholes

Jet Black Crow

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

oh, I really mean to, i swear. but I have 340 in my inbox that I haven’t responded to. I appreciate my kind and supportive reviewers so much! I just don’t have a lot of time or energy, and I usually choose reading or writing with my time instead of responding to messages. your comments are a gift and I love receiving them so much!!!

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

lol in the olden days, I once ended a fic with a surprise suicide, because i was a cruel and mercurial child. all my fob fics have happy endings though! the fic I have online right now that gets the most ‘wtf is this ending’ feedback is the unreliable narrator ghost story, the ending of which is either happy or REAL SAD, depending on how you interpret is, is Baby You’re A Haunted House

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t write crossovers per se but I love a good universe smash. the wildest one I’ve done is my beauty and the beast/coyote ugly peterick remix.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

god yes, i started writing fic in 2003 and i cannot stress enough how different fandom was back then

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

absolutely I do, lots of emotional intensity but also good old fashioned fucking

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

a million years ago on deviantart

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! it is the biggest compliment ever, you guys are too good to me

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

hahahahaha @carbonbased000

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

hard question! rpf is my favorite thing to write because I love making transformations within set biographical constraints, it is by far my favorite way to be creative, but there are so many ships with interesting dynamics. i’m true blue for peterick but i also love fic with older characters who are all gritty and wounded navigating overt and internalized homophobia, and girl ships are the stuff of life. some of my favorite ships I never write for (for example, kirk/spock or various lotr pairings) because like. I have absolutely nothing to add, it’s already perfect. lawrusso is my favorite of the moment because cobra kai is an absolutely WILD show, it’s a blast

14. What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

UGH my ageswap peterick about Patrick letting everyone down again and again and again. literally I’ve been working on this fic for 5 years and only have like one scene left to write but it’s become a goddamn albatross around my neck

15. What are your writing strengths?

I’m funny and I use pretty words, and the fact that I want good things for all my characters shines through

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

will you laugh if I say plot? I am terrible at plots. almost all of my fics are just situations and how people react to them emotionally. the other thing is spatial descriptions, I can’t picture things in my head so i am wildly inconsistent and often just forget to add these in. oh, and I also get so lost in the dreamy emotional bits of people’s inner experiences that I lose my own narrative thread over and over and over again.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love it if you’re a student of the language, bilingual, or get someone who is fluent to beta that shit for you. if you don’t have the skillset or resources to do it right, there’s a real risk of cultural appropriation and fetishizing someone’s foreignness, so I’d steer clear. there’s the question of what it adds to the experience of the fic, as a reader or a writer, that has to be considered

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

afi rpf, and I dead-ass thought I’d invented it. you shoulda seen my brain explode when i discovered an entire archive just for that.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I’ve reached a level of pride in my skill that I love most of the fics I finish—if I don’t, I tend not to finish or post! so I’m usually enamored with my most recent stories and have a deep appreciation for most of my gallery. but I do literally have a girl out boy tattoo and that universe (and how my amazing readers participated in building it with me) will always be the most personally important to me, regardless of whether its technical merit is outstripped by newer works

i tag--who wants to do this tag? @leyley09 @sir-transcelot @alienfuckeronmain @carbonbased000 @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @rhea-imagined @all my other lovelies who feel like doing writing reflection as a means of procrastinating actual writing

[tony-is-my-daddy]

Hi guys! So this is my 1000th post on this blog. I cannot express how thankful I am to all of you who have followed me and still read and see and like all of my stupid posts. I see all of your likes and reblogs and tags and comments, it fills my heart with such great happiness, you all are awesome! I'm so glad I get to be in this amazing fandom, it kinda feels like a second family at this point.

Anyway, tumblr freaked out when I wanted to post the whole thing in one, so I will separate it into two parts. Enjoy part one.

Dream a little dream of me

Peter loved his job more than anything. Being a kindergarten teacher was great, he loved being around kids and he knew the feeling was mutual, most of his kids said he was their favorite teacher. He had so many of their drawings and crafts, he kept them in a special folder in his desk at home. It warmed his heart and made a huge smile stretch over his face when he saw another drawing made for him. He loved all of his students equally. Okay, that's what he told everyone, because he wasn't supposed to say the truth. He couldn't tell people he had a favorite, that was rude and Peter wasn't gonna disappoint his kids. But truth be told, the little girl with the chestnut hair and the sparkly brown eyes and pretty smile was his favorite one of them all.

Morgan Stark, the daughter of a single mother, famous CEO's of Stark Industries and ex-lovers, Pepper Potts and Tony Stark. Morgan had only been Peter's student for a month and she already managed to get into Peter's heart with her charm and her smile. During those first four weeks of the school year, he hadn't had a chance to meet the girl's father. Obviously, he knew who it was. Everyone did. But Peter was so excited to see the man because honestly, Tony Stark had been his biggest celebrity crush for as long as he could remember. The thirty-five years old genius was not just smart and rich, he was also very handsome.

So it was understandable if he forgot how to breathe for a second when he was just reading something while the kids played around, waiting for their parents, and Morgan suddenly yelled out in that angeling voice of hers, "Daddy!"

Peter's head snapped up. He looked at the man at the door as he leaned down and picked up the small girl, kissing her forehead before he sat her on his hip. Peter's jaw dropped and he just stared. Tony was... wow. He was so hot, even more so up close than he did in all those pictures and interviews Peter had seen him in.

"Daddy, look, there's Mr. Parker. He's the nicest teacher ever!" Peter had no idea how to react. He moved to stand up, but then sat back down again, thinking it would be too much. But when the older man approaced him, he stood up anyway.

"So you're the teacher this little one has been telling me about lately. Hello, I'm Tony Stark," the man said with a smile - wow, so that's where Morgan got her smile from - and reached out a hand for Peter. It took a moment for him to process what was going on, but then he shook Tony's hand with an awkward laugh.

"I know, sir. I'm Peter. Parker."

Tony smiled and let the handshake last for a second or two longer than a normal handshake would, but Peter didn't mind.

"Go collect your stuff, babygirl," Tony said and set Morgan down to run back to her classmates and collect her backpack. Then, his attention turned back to Peter, he was now smirking. "Well, Mr. Parker, my daughter seems to love you very much."

"Oh yes, I love her too, you know. She's such a sweet little girl. She became my favorite student recently." He added that last thing quietly so that the rest of the class didn't hear it.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, of course! She's very nice and smart, she probably got that from her dad."

Peter only realized what slipped from his mouth when he saw Tony's lips stretch into a grin. "You think I'm smart, Mr. Parker?"

"Obviously, you're a literal genius, sir. The smartest person of our generation."

"That's very flattering, Mr. Parker. Thank you."

"Please, call me Peter, sir."

"Then you should call me Tony."

Was this flirting? No, there was no way. Right? Tony Stark could've got anyone, lingerie models would hang off his shoulders if he just asked them to do so, so many people wanted to get him and out of them all, why oh why would he choose Peter Parker?

"O-okay. Tony," Peter said, his voice a bit shaky, unsure. Just then, Morgan appeared next to her father, clutching the straps of her Iron Man backpack with her little hands.

"Can we go now," she asked.

"Of course munchkin. Give daddy that backpack, there you go. Say goodbye to Mr. Parker."

"Bye Mr. Parker," she waved as they walked towards the door hand in hand.

"Bye Morgan," he waved as well with a smile. That little girl was so adorable.

The next day, Peter was not expecting Tony again to come collect Morgan, but it looked like neither did Morgan.

They were outside on the playground when Tony walked through the gates and Morgan frowned at her from the sandbox. "Daddy? Why are you here? Where's mommy?"

"Mommy's busy, Morguna. But I'm here, aren't you happy?"

"I am!"

Tony laughed, oh, what a sound. "Alright then, little bug, go get your backpack."

"Yes daddy!"

She was up soon, running through the playground to go back in the building, both Tony and Peter yelling after her to slow down. They looked at each other and laughed.

"We meet again," Tony said, taking a few steps closer towards Peter.

"Looks like it," he said, still smiling.

"How was she today?"

"Oh amazing, just like always. There was a little misunderstanding when Lori over there tried to take one of her toys, but we worked that out eventually."

"Great to hear that," Tony said. He took another step forward. They were now a bit closer than Peter should've been with one of his students' father. "I've wanted to ask, by the way, how old are you, Peter?"

It caught him off-guard a little, usually his kids' parents didn't ask how old he was. They asked about how their children behaved, obviously, but never about Peter. Why would he care about Peter?

"Oh I'm twenty-five, sir. Tony, sorry. Um... why are you asking?"

"I was just curious." Another step forward. Peter's heart was now starting to beat a little faster. "Are you, by any chance, interested in men? Because... I'd like to grab a coffee with you sometime, of course, only if you'd like that."

Well, if the age question caught him off-guard then imagine Peter after that. His eyes widened and he crossed his arms so he could pinch the skin on his upper arm unnoticeably, just to see if he was really not dreaming. But no, Tony Stark still stood in front of him, expecting an answer from him.

Peter swallowed, suddenly noticing how dry his mouth was, before he cleared his throat to speak up. "Like- like on a date?"

"Yes, pretty much. I don't really know if there's a rule against that but... I'd like to take you out sometime. If you want to, that is."

"Well, yeah, yes, sure," he said after a little hesitation. What the hell was he hestitating for? This was Tony fucking Stark himself! "When?"

"Well, here's my number," the billionaire said as he fished his phone out from his pocket, and so did Peter. His hand was shaking a little from how excited he was, which he hoped Tony didn't see. They looked at each other, Tony smirking a little when he asked if he can say it. Peter nodded and the older man told him his number and Peter wrote it in his contact list, naming him Tony Stark with all caps because how crazy was that?!

"Daddy, look, I drew something for mommy!" Morgan's voice startled them again and Peter put his phone away quickly.

"Very beautiful baby, she'll love it."

"I didn't draw anything for you," she said with a little pout.

"That's okay, my love, you'll draw something tomorrow," Tony said with a fond smile as he took ahold of Morgan's little hand.

"But mommy said he'd come for me tomorrow."

"Oh honey, I think mommy will be busy tomorrow as well." Tony glanced at Peter and winked before they turned around and walked through the gates, getting into a black car right outside. As they drove off, Peter's finger started to itch for his phone right away.

He didn't see Tony for a few days after that, even though he said he'd come for Morgan the day he gave him his number. Peter started to worry, thinking it was his fault, that he scared him off. It's been four days, including the weekend, and the older man didn't even try to call him.

Fuck, he didn't even get Peter's number! What if he was waiting for a text? Oh God, Peter was so dumb!

He then and there stopped planning tomorrow's classes and he grabbed his phone, opening the chat with Tony. His thumb danced over the screen for a few minutes, trying to decide what to write, trying to think of something nice and sweet, maybe a bit cheeky to make Tony smile. He wrote and deleted. Wrote and then deleted. Until he decided to just stick with the essentials, and he wrote a //very original// text.

Peter: Hi, it's Peter.

Peter: Parker.

He waited for a few minutes, anxiously staring at his screen for a while before he put it down and decided to make himself a tea to distract himself. He walked into his kitchen, filling the kettle with hot water and putting it on the stove to boil. And while his hands were occupied, his mind could do nothing but wander back to that man. He thought back to that day when he asked him out, when he stepped closer and closer to Peter, close enough to touch but he never did. He was too scared he'd come off as weird or eager if he touched him. After all, what kind of teacher touches his students' parents a day after meeting for the first time?

The water boiled soon and Peter poured some in his huge, colorful mug, placing the tea filter in it, a teaspoon of sugar and then he was back in his living room, grabbing his phone from his desk before he sat down on the couch. He checked if he got any messages. And in that very minute, his phone buzzed, making Peter jump and his phone almost fell out of his hand.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Tony: Well hello Peter, you almost made me think you changed your mind about that date

Peter: No, of course not! I'd still very much like to go out with you

Oh wow, that seemed eager as hell. It dawned on Peter that maybe he should've waited at least a couple minutes before texting back, he now probably seemed so pathetic, like he waited for ten minutes staring at his phone and waiting for Tony to write back. He didn't have too much time to worry about that, because another text from Tony came through.

Tony: That's very good to hear, darling. So when are you free?

It was just as quick as Peter's response. Maybe Tony didn't care about how fast Peter texted back to him, maybe he just wanted to talk...

Peter: I'm free this weekend, Saturday if that's ok with you

Tony: That would be good for me too. Around 9 maybe?

Peter: Sounds perfect

Perfect? Why did he say perfect? "That's good," "that'll be nice," "okay," something simpler like that didn't go through your mind, Parker?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Tony: Then I'll see you in four days, Peter x

Peter: See you x

They really did that. They really just sent each other x's. Peter squealed a little as he put his phone down, jumping on his seat in excitement. He took a sip of the hot tea that's been resting on his coffee table since he made it, and turned on the TV. A silly romcom was playing, The ugly truth. Peter had seen it before, he liked it, mostly because he found Gerard Butler hot. What? He had a thing for older men.

So he settled down on the comfy couch, a blanket over him and the hot tea warming his icy fingertips as he watched the movie. And while he did, he still thought about Tony, and mentally, he was choosing an outfit for the occasion.

Two days later, on a rainy Wednesday when all of the kids were in the room, playing by themselves during the afternoon, Morgan walked up to Peter as he was talking to another student. She pulled him away and then showed him a drawing of hers.

"Wow, Morgan, that's so pretty! Who are these people," he asked, pointing at the stick figures on the paper.

"That's mommy, that's me, and that's you and daddy."

Peter's eyes widened. "Why me and daddy?"

"Because," she started fiddling with her hands dancing from side to side, "I told daddy I like you very much and he said he likes you too and he said he will take you on a date but I can't tell anyone but I wanted to tell you so please don't tell daddy I told you but he wants to take you on a date."

Peter chuckled, ruffling her brown hair. She looked so much like Tony. "It's okay, little one, I'm sure daddy won't be mad you told me. But don't tell anyone else if he doesn't want you to, okay?"

"Otay!"

"Will you go back to playing now?"

"Yes but I want you to have the drawing."

"I'll keep the drawing," he said with a warm smile and Morgan giggled happily before skipping away, back to her friends. Peter looked at the drawing for quite a while as he walked back to his desk, sitting on top of it. It was like any drawing done by a small child, but this was... somehow different. His kids often drew him and then gave the drawing to him, but this wasn't like that. Morgan drew her father, her mother, herself and Peter. She drew her family... and Peter.

"Hey," he heard a voice next to him and he looked up from the drawing in his hand. It was Tony. "I came for Morgan."

He came in so quietly, not even Morgan was aware that her dad walked into the room. She was playing along with her friends, her back turned to Tony and Peter.

"Hi," Peter greeted when he looked back at Tony.

"What are you looking at?"

"It's a- uh... Morgan drew this for me today." He put the drawing down on the desk facing downwards so that Tony didn't see it. "So you're taking dad duty today?"

"Sort of. Can I see the drawing?"

"Sort of? So you're just picking her up and then dropping her at her mom's house?"

"No, I'm taking her for dinner as well, but full dad duty is when she sleeps at mine. So the drawing-"

"How often does she sleep at yours?"

"Every second week, except for when I have busieness trips."

"I didn't see you last month at all, though."

"No, we left out a month, I had lots of things to do. I've missed her so much."

"I bet you did. I'd miss her too if I didn't get to see her for a month."

"So... can I see the drawing," he asked again.

"Morgan, look who it is!"

"Daddyyy!"

Tony tried to look at Peter angrily, but a smile spread over his face. "Cheeky," he said before turning around and crouching down in front of his daughter. "What's up Morguna? Are you ready for a fun afternoon?"

"Yeees!"

"Grab your jacket and your backpack and we can go." As Morgan ran away, he straightened up again and looked at Peter. "And you... I'll pick you up at 8:30 on Saturday, send me your address."

"Gladly," Peter chuckled.

After the Starks left, Peter turned the drawing up again and stared at it for a couple more minutes until another parent arrived to pick up their kid. He had no idea how to feel about being a part of their family just yet... but he very much liked the idea of Tony Stark.

A few days later, Peter was up at 7am, trying to choose between three outfits for his date that morning. The night before, he went through two facemasks, a hairwash and shaving as well (no, he wasn't about to get to business on the first date, but better be safe than sorry), so for the morning, all he had to do was get dressed and do his hair.

He may or may not had a little breakdown while trying to decide which outfit he wanted to wear, but that's normal, and at the end, he chose a V-neck burgundi shirt with jeans and a jacket. He styled his hair perfectly (thank the hair gods for that, he had never managed to do that before), and panicked when his doorbell buzzed.

"Parker, who is this?"

"Tony."

"You said you'd text before you left and called when you got here!"

"Wanted to surprise you."

"Oh my God, be glad I'm ready anyways, otherwise you'd be in trouble."

Tony laughed. "Alright, Cinderella, come down and show me yourself."

Peter smiled and grabbed his keys and wallet from the kitchen counter before heading out.

"Wow," Tony mumbled when they finally met in front of the building. "Didn't think you could look better."

Peter blushed. "Thank you." The man in front of him was wearing a button up and black jeans, a jacket casually thrown over his shoulders. He looked so effortlessly good, the kind that would get up from bed and just look sexy as ever. "You look great, too."

"Why thank you, angel. Shall we go?"

"Oh yes, of course! Where are we going?"

"I wanted to take you somewhere further away but I saw a very cute café not far away, we could walk there," Tony said as he took ahold of Peter's hand and wrapped it around his arm to lead him. Wow, no one has ever done that to Peter before.

"That's my favorite place!"

"I assumed," Tony commented with a triumphant smirk.

"Since when do you teach kindergarteners?"

"I started about three years ago, I graduated early."

"And why this career?"

Peter chuckled. He often got that question. "I think it's one of the most important jobs, to raise the next generation well. If you don't do it right then humanity will just get more and more screwed up."

"Fair point."

Peter then turned the question around. "And why guns?"

Tony sighed. "It was my dad's legacy. He wanted me to carry on with it, so I did, and I didn't see anything wrong with it until..."

He knew Tony was talking about the time he got kidnapped by the Ten Rings and became Iron Man. That was when Peter really started looking up to the man, he thought it was a very heroic move and he wasn't sure if he'd have had the balls to give up his job to be a superhero and fight people.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"No, it's okay, I just don't talk about this on the first date," he dodged with a joke. Peter laughed and happily changed the subject before it got too much for Tony.

After the short walk, they entered the café and ordered two coffees and pastries for each of them. As they had their breakfasts (at least that's what it was for Peter), they talked about movies, and turns out they were both huge fans of retro sci-fis and action movies. Peter also mentioned that he liked romcoms and after a while, Tony admitted that he "kinda likes them" as well. It was sweet to see this man, a billionaire genius superhero, open up and show Peter his soft side.

But the softest side of Tony came through when Peter asked about Morgan.

"Me and my back then secretary, Pepper had this crazy night. We were both drunk and somehow she just got pregnant. At first we really panicked, but now, we wouldn't have in otherwise. This little sunshine is really the highlight of our lives, she's so chatty and so cute. And I hate watching Disney movies every single night when she's over, but that would be the smallest sacrifice if it meant I could have her over all the time." He showed Peter hundreds of images of her on his phone and Peter's heart melted more and more from every picture. The drawing that the little girl gave him on Wednesday popped into his mind again and now he saw it from a slightly different perspective...

They didn't even notice how quick the time went as they talked, it was like they'd only just met up in front of Peter's building, but when he caught a glimpse of Tony's Rolex, he saw that they've been there for over two hours. He mentioned it to Tony, who laughed and offered Peter a walk home, which he gladly accepted. The older man didn't let him pay the bill either, even though Peter said multiple times that he doesn't expect Tony to buy everything for him. He just insisted.

"I had a lot of fun today, Peter," Tony said as they were heading back to Peter's apartment, this time with not only their arms wrapped around the other's, but holding hands. It felt so natural to hold the man's hand, it made Peter feel somehow... safe.

"So did I. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"

"Oh yeah, I'd like that a lot. Maybe a proper dinner next time?"

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Will you let me pay for at least half of the bill?"

"You're going out with a billionaire and you seriously want to pay the bill?"

"Yes! I'm not going out with you for your money, Tony. I want you to know that. So next time, you'll let me pay."

"If that's what you really want then okay."

When they got back to Peter's apartment, Tony took the younger man's chin between his fingers and tilted it to the side so he could kiss his cheek. Peter blushed deeply and smiled awkwardly. "Thank you so much for today, Peter. I'll see you later."

"Thank you as well. See you."

He watched Tony get in his car before he opened the door, getting in as he heard the engine start. He waved through the window at Tony as he drove away before twirling around twice. Something so unlike life just happened to him and if he was dreaming, he'd give everything for it to never end.

@staticwhispersinthedark wanted to be tagged so here you go!

[leslieseveride]

Hi, Carly! First of all, your 'this is scarily' tag brings me so much joy every time I see it because it's so funny. Secondly, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. I've been in my own version of that spot quite often and I know it stinks, especially when suddenly you can't think of anything to watch and it kind of feels like the world is ending. Usually at that point I put on something I know so well I don't need to actually watch it (usually Star Wars for me but movies you loved as a kid also work great), download a bunch of games on my phone, and get some ice cubes or an ice pack of some sort. Then it's a matter of putting the movie/TV show on a TV or laptop and letting it play while doing other stuff on your phone. When everything gets to be too much, hold an ice cube until it melts. It's good for helping center you and bringing you back to your body. If that doesn't work, I like to take pens or markers and write every bad thought in my head on myself (preferably somewhere clothes will cover in case you can't force yourself to shower or it doesn't come off properly). I don't know if any of that will help, but I know I sometimes just need someone to tell me exactly what to do. Regardless, I think you're such a bright spot on my dashboard. I have loved everything Chenford that you've written and I think your personal posts are frequently the funniest I see. You seem like an incredibly kind person and I hope you know that there are people you may never meet or speak to who are rooting for you. I'll keep checking back, so if you want to talk off anon, just say so and I'll be happy to do that. (If not, that is also totally okay.) Hang in there. You've have a 100% success rate when it comes to surviving bad days.

hi friend. ik it's been a few days since this was sent, and i so deeply apologize for not responding any sooner, but i wanted to make sure i was in the right headspace first. i'm so happy to hear that my you enjoy my personal tag, i've always kinda figured that whenever someone sees the "*and this is icarly!" tag on my posts, their like, "not this girl again, geez." 🙄 so it really made my day to hear otherwise. 🥺💕 and i cannot even begin to explain how much all your advice helped. really. my mind went into such a complete overdrive that my attention span was not there at all, so suggesting something that i have seen enough times, and know the dialog of like the back of my hand really helped! i watched the live action movies of scooby doo, and that calmed me down quite a bit. but i found your ice cube trick to be immensely helpful!! so much so that i made sure to log it in my journal of coping mechanisms; that way when all else fails, i can remember how extremely helpful this was, it really did help ground me. but all in all, this sweet, heartfelt message meant so much to me. more than i could ever begin to express in words. i try to be as kind as possible, but as you may have been able to tell, i seldom believe that that is the impression i am leaving behind. so it was very nice to hear that reassurance from another person. and i love that you love all my ramblings on chenford. (i feel like a very annoying presence in that tag as well, so again, it was nice to be reassured otherwise). i hope you've been doing amazing over these past couple days, and that you have an even more outstanding weekend. thank you so, so, so, soooo much for being so thoughtful, and taking your time to send this, and check up on me. truly, i don't know what i would have done without your help. 💗💗💗