#right now im angry tho
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girl are you okay? you've been saying and reblogging some things
I'll be honest with you my man, I'm on the fucking edge
#i have final exams in uni#a camp for kids to organise#and a fucking play i agreed to take part in#my emotional state is in jeopardy#i just want it to be august finally#yeah i wont dump any more on a public post but#ill either fail my studies or not give the kids a camp or sabotage my social relationships#or all at once#like ill survive dont worry#im just fucking tired#right now im angry tho#fuck the professors and fuck the firefighters and fuck the campsite owner and fuck everything
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Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!
Mentioning an unfamiliar name
yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..
I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.
#null rot#yandere kny#yandere demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#midori306#YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THE YANDERE QUESTION MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER#uwaa and i recently checked back on their designs.. THEY HAVE LONG SLANTED EARS DUDE WHAT THE FUCKKK THATS LIKE THE CUTEST EVER#i tend to shitpost and focus on the dere than the yan but thats my mistake!! im sorry cult members.. I'll need scarousal#when calling sekdio. he pretends to ignore you but you can tell he heard you when his ear twitches#He's flabbergasted that you met someone else to begin with. who let you go out without one of them?!#hes too shocked and angry to even properly get upset!!#Karaku loves everything you have to say. less so if its positive abt someone else. still listens tho. listening carefully for details..#he doesnt mind others eyeing you. youre perfect in his eyes. who wouldnt? still.. thats not gonna fly well.#Urogi loves when you seek him out but mentioning someone else... is bc you want to feed him right? ofc! you want to benefit him!#its cause hes your favorite! yeah! youre so sweet!!! ofc he'll get rid of someone for you both!!#Aizetsu's bashful. he feels put on the spot when calling him but hes always hoping you give him affection of some kind. always ready for yo#mentioning someone else was NOT what he wanted and now hes sad.. youre making him sad.. whats so important you had to bring that up?#The thought of anyone else makes him feel so exhausted already.. wont you comfort him instead? he needs you now.. atone for your mistakes#uwaa expressions.. uwaaa aizetsu releasing some of the tension in his brows when hes feeling upset towards you uWAA#i CANT RAMBLE ENOUGH IN THE TAGS SO WAIT FOR THE POST I HAVE IN THE BACK BURNER FROM SOMEONE ELSE WHO ASKED FOR SOMETHING SIMILAR!!!!!!!
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so i uhhhh. started PoE
#wanted to try making a custom portrait for my guy!#tbh design wise im not a fan bc it doesnt *quite* fit his vibe & there is too much going on with too little variation#& his face is too generic & id like more glowy bits & also i kind of really wanna incorporate mushrooms smh#<- result of this being supposed to be a sketch/concept but i just Kept Going dhkgdjf#BUT! painting/style wise this is turning out way better than expected so i'm keeping it :]#at least for now#anyways. woe dwarven nature godlike be upon ye!#he lowkey (highkey) hates being a godlike rip </3#cant admit that to himself tho cus surely that would be ungrateful to the god who blessed him and/or make that god angry right?#so instead he escapes his body with spiritshifting~#-- i mean of course he does it for his love and connection with nature. obviously. haha.#my art#my ocs#oc: alder#poe
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The only service I was happy and comfortable was delante. No one mentioned me a thing.
#rui rui talks#im not crying. you are#im very angry and hungry#I would like a corn with butter right now#I hope she’s ok tho#abandoment issues
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her��#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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i need to do exposure therapy with purgatory i think the fandom experience at the time instilled the unpleasant dread and despair i still feel whenever i think about the event
#though it was also . the event itself’s fault . lol#and the miserable experience it was to watch them play from 7 pm to 5 am every single day for two weeks my time#and yes a lot of my unpleasant feelings towards purg come from my own ass being hyperfixated on the serv/etoiles#to a point where i struggled to Not watch . which made the feelings worse yknow#also like it kinda sucked for everyone it also sucked as an etoiles viewer . man was constantly stuck between the#‘i can’t fight like i want to bc people will complain that im too strong and it’s unfair nor can i Not fight bc people will complain that#i’m going easy on people/not invested in the team’ . and he was right people shit on him either way#like the event marked him in the ‘damned if i do damned if i don’t’ department so much that he still uses purgatory as an example today#and then he joined purg2……. babey girl ur hyperfixation is hurting u….. i actually enjoyed purg2 more tho so idc as much LOL#purg2 was better bc it was an event u actually willingly joined and it included people not from the main server so it wasn’t stuck in#fucking ‘is this lore or a pvp competition’ limbo#anw yeah even though i dislike purgatory overall bc it rly did shitall other than make people angry for two weeks (on ur server thats#supposed to be about uniting cultures . they all spoke in primarily english for two weeks bc the competition model that purg was#was just not built for short distance discussions…. lord)#there’s still some cool stuff that came out of it . my fave highlights r bloodhounds and nice cogs i love them#when i feel stronger i will comb through the vods to write up the relevant stuff for the etoiles miraheze page i just . am still not strong#enough . the detox must be slow and steady#jay rambles#also i am going to bed now i should have been asleep ages ago
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Coworker I've never talked to before just asked me if I have a condition
#prince's talk tag#im in a really bad mood bc of thr state my area was left in over the weekend bc no one ran out anything so its packed#and i got deliveries so i need room#on top of all the trash overnight bringd back here and doesnt throw out so i gotta do it#im in my slient rage mode and one of the drivers told me hell come back later when its better like in an hour?#and i stood quiet for a moment before saying maybe#and the coworker watched me as i had the convo and then i went back to throwing stuff out and he was standing there#like he wanted to ask me something#and it was bugging me so i decide to ask if he needs something and when i do he says#'can i ask you something and its okay if you dont want to?' and then he asked me that#i said no not that i know of#and he said he asked bc 'he has a condition now and–' and then i kinda zoned out#but he said bipolar so im not sure if he was saying hes bipolar and was wondering if i had smth or if he was just wondering if i was bipola#i just answered 'im just really angry right now. thanks tho!' and that was the end of that convo#you know that post thats like 'im probably nonbinary but i got a job so i dont have time for that' thats me with conditions as he put it
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i know logically i should hate lestat too.. but something about him feels WRONG... when he said 'a lion applauded for not killing her cubs' CUBS AS IN PLURAL he feels so fucking guilty oh my god
#i don't know i don't think lestat in his right mind would let claudia be killed#he wouldn't sit back and watch#he's not armand 🙄#idk but maybe claudias right this is lestat the push and pull hot and cold we fall for it like louis does#but the fight#IT MAEKS SENSE NOW#i remember thinking why is lestat saying he's trying to restrain himself and then still taking louis in the air????#i thought it was idk an anger thing he got angry even after louis said everything is okay#but now... maybe... LOUIS YOU UNRELIABLE FUVKING NARRATOR😭😭😭#im so confusec tho#how tf is louis still with armand#why tf does louis wants to kill lestat again in the next weel previee#how does louis trust him still even after remembering san Francisco????#daniel molloy btw the man that you are i love you i have faith in you you're the only one who can fix this get down to the bottom of this#give us the whole truth
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the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself
#im the one in the toilet btw#i just have to be like this for a second i promise i'm not looking for anything and will likely delete this in the morning#but damnnnnn ... i guess to put it nicely (toward myself). i am not where i want to be with my writing at all right now#and i'm so FRUSTRATED#i reread something of mine the other day and i was just like. yuck. i hate myself.#and it's probs just a weird extension of this whole... dysphoria thing im going thru right now but#YEESH I WANT TO EVOLVE#i feel like a big fat caterpillar ready to become a butterfly but idk how the hell to make my cocoon#part of me thinks im in the cocoon but......... it's been a long *ss time in here if so lmao#anyway thats just to say i have two ... or three bomb *ss ideas that i just can't put on paper right#and im not really satisfied with the dabi thing either even tho. i really wanted to be#and it sucks bc all i wanna do is be on here BUT I'M SCARED#hence why my ask responses have been. ok i wont lie. nonexistent#but i think abt my ideas every day and then just fold them up and put them away bc i think if i wait they'll get better#AND THEY NEVER DOOOOOOO#arggggggggggggg its making me so angry#but that's all#hopefully i can write this idea out soon and be free#cuz thats my dream#among bettering my writing along with myself#but hehehe im probs just tired#sorry to be a downer!!! i go beddy bye now#caitie blabs#delete later
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god, I'm not a rageful person, but there is a red gaze I look out of when my mom sits silent right next to me.
#its like.... how do i tell her she disrespected me & im still angry from it ... even tho it happened 5 days ago#and she'll say things i KNOW shes saying to try and remedy the situation#but it just makes everything worse#& when i hint at it more directly#its like the sirens go off in her head & its now a war instead of an argument#which leads me to retreat & stay isolated#because its easier to be alone than it is to sit there while she gets off scott free#like.... here i am sulking and she doesnt even care enough to think about why im sulking#but of COURSE im the FIRST person she goes to when she has a problem!#my mother... who knows nothing about me#my mother.... who would only know ive disappeared if i couldnt pick her drunk boyfriend up from work#my mother.... who uses me for as much emotional work as she can & gets out right before i start talking about anything going on with me#thanks mom :)#personal
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When your friend decides to date people from your friend group and now they broke the rest of the group has to suffer because these two people couldn't work out their problems
#im so fucking angry right now holy....#its literally just a birthday party and now i will not have my friend tbere because she doesn't want to see him#even tho its been like 4 months since the break up like im sorry#but fucking suck it up i was there for you can you not be there for me????#anyway yeah im angry and need to vent out because fuck her
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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#i cant ever tell if im just really sensitive or what#like objectively if ur called a name then yeah u have a right to be hurt but if ur used to being called names should it rly be that bad??#all my life ive been called variations of fat and stupid and u know what?? i AM fat and im not smart so i mean its true#but idk i dont NEED to be reminded of these things#idk man i was already not having the best day and now its just worse#im trying not to let the 🐳 comment get to me and not go into a super dark headspace but its hard :(#ive been crying for like. an hour and i cant stop#ive been called worse so why am i letti g it affect me so bad??#im just so embarrassed and ashamed rn and angry bc i keep crying#i need to go eat soon too bc i havent eaten since like 8 am besides a few granola bars#which is the whole reason why this was brought up. i guess apparently i ate too many of them (there is still some left tho??)#i even offered to pay for some more?? no need to resort to name calling imo its not a big deal like we'll just get some more?#again there is still some left!! we can easily buy some tmr but. i guess not#🐳🐳#the only reason i ate so many is bc i was on my period and it was one of the only things that didnt upset my stomach tbh?#like damn if this is what is said to my face i cant imagine what ppl say behind my back#ignore me
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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.
Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."
Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.
Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."
[Follow up to this ask]
#snap chats#yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered#LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now#i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of#thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it#masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are#i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does#about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it#'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively#i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk#there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers#though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent#idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur#but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything#moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed#making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner#on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked#i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft#'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS#anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry#BYE
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complicated feelings my enemy why cant they be easy to pick out. like noodles.
#all the weeks since spring break have got me in a weird mood tbh. couldnt tell you what the mood is tho#im going to explode like im angry now for reasons i seriously should not be angry about. i rationally know why i should not be angry#this is the kind of situation where if someone else was angry id be like. theres no reason to be angry though. whats up with you#but this mood has been freaking like. choking the life out of me i dont understand what the hell is wrong#i should not be feeling anything that im feeling right now it makes absolutely no sense. i cant even put it into words#why am i like this </3 why couldnt i be anybody else#aricouldyounot
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