#right now art and ramblings is the best I can do but hopefully I can make something a jit more cohesive one day

[canisalbus]

Your characters, Vasco and Machete, are huge inspirations to me as an artist and storyteller. They're OCs that (mostly) don't have a rigid medium to learn about them through, but they're still instantly recognisable and beloved by people from all over the internet. What you've managed to create with them is amazing.

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[insufferablemod]

Wait u draw aip with jsut ur left hand????

asddshfjg yeah so i injured my hand like 2 ish days after starting askinsuffereableprick,,,,, i pushed through the pain for like 3 or so posts(not smart), in total there have been 8 posts on that blog that were done with my right hand, everything after oct 7th is left handed lmao

[1920sladydectective]

Best Friend's Mother Ch.6 (Finale) 6.8K MDNI 18+

Here she bloody is, my darlings!

All done, finally, giving me room to write even more Ambessa stuff. Next stop Professor Medarda!

That being said, I've loved writing this story and feel so honoured by the reception it has received. Thank you especially to @shinyshayminflower for the initial prompt, @uselessbard1031 for the endless support and @chocolate-quotes for the stunning cover art which I adoreddddddddddd.

Love you all, let me know what you think!

Warnings: Degradation, Name Calling, Overstimulation kinda? Lots of alcohol idk I'm British and this is set at Christmas okay.

Chapter 6:

You’d failed at the first hurdle, the first second, the truest and largest fuck up possible of a New Year’s resolution. Bubbles fizzed in your blood, common sense popping like a thousand little sparks. 

She tasted good, like whisky and regret and those tiny chocolate puddings on the trays at the party. The party you couldn’t quite remember or reconcile, the party that faded to blurring noise as she consumed you. 

Ambessa’s mind was screaming at her. This was not how she’d intended the evening to go. Rather the opposite. She was going to kiss one of Cassandra’s uptight friends, unwind them a bit and then take her drunken gaggle of children home. 

Instead she’d been ripped to shreds by her daughter and was now eating the very forbidden (but no longer?) fruit she had tried to avoid. 

You pulled away merely to breathe, but it was enough, like a shock of cold water. Tears, hot and angry sprung into your eyes almost immediately. 

“What was that?” You snarled, gulping in air. 

“I-“ Ambessa coughed slightly, “A mistake,” 

You scoffed, shoving her, “You can say that again,” 

“No,” She backtracked, muddled, “I just meant-“ 

“Do me a favour and fuck off, okay?” You wiped your mouth viciously with your sleeve, panic heavy in your heart as you rushed past her without another word. Drunk and distressed, you made your way into a random corner and stayed there. 

You’d tell Mel in the morning, you told yourself with trembling hands, but right now it would be too much. 

Ambessa was having the most tiring evening ever. Nothing was happening in the right order, as if she’d been given the smaller part of every wishbone in existence.Her mouth was a villain, intent on ruining everything. Glancing in the reflection of one of Cassandra’s crystalline statutes, she saw her massacred face, red smudges everywhere. 

“Well,” Cassandra Kiramman’s smug voice rang out, “That was a damn sight better than seeing you kiss my child like last year,” 

Muscled shoulders seized, wide golden eyes meeting cool grey ones, “Lovely party,”

“I think that’s the first time in twenty years you’ve said that,” She snorted, “I needn’t lecture you about how stupid that was, we both remember what happened with Maddie,”

“She isn’t Maddie,”

“Evidently,” A click of teeth, an outstretched hand holding cloth “I’ll see you on the 14th, I can take your money and your secrets then,” 

Ambessa sighed, wiping her face of lipstick and taking a regrouping breath. There was little to do but sober up and figure out a battle plan. Divide her stupidity and hopefully conquer her love. Or some other battle analogy she was too pissed to think of. “Thank you,”

“There’s no need for that,” She smiled, rolling her eyes at her friend, “You’re hosting the women’s luncheon in February,” 

Fuck.

You were sitting in a fancy taxi, a snoozing Mel on your shoulder as Kino rambled about the artwork in Caitlyn’s house. You didn’t care about the fact that the frames were worth as much as the art, or that some of them had taken years to find. You didn’t care about anything at all really, save the brooding woman in front of you. She seemed so cold, so distant, and you found that it did not suit her. You’d never be rid of her, that understanding had set in as you stumbled out of the car and into the front porch. She was like Japanese knotweed, strong and thriving and made to rot the very foundations of life. Here you were, a three time offender of succumbing to her, despite your morals and your strength and your hatred. 

Deft fingers attempted to grab your wrist as Kino and Mel waltzed arm in arm up the staircase, but her hold found nothing but air. A snap, a growl, something animalistic as you trailed quickly after your friends, the third of the good little wolves and nothing more. 

Sleep was easy due to alcohol, though all it really did was lock you in dreams. Tender kisses and bitter words fighting for the spotlight, leaving your mind a flashing drunken strobe. Sweaty, distressed turning and rolling until dawn beckoned and you lay shivering in the fetal position. No amount of fancy heating systems could rid your bones of the chill, heavy limbs freezing you in place. 

It took several hours and a minor pity party to make it into a different pair of less sweaty pyjamas, another hour to make it downstairs and fifteen seconds for your hopes of sorting this out as soon as possible to be crushed. 

A series of texts from Mel. Mel and Kino had left twenty minutes ago, a sibling breakfast tradition you had been omitted from due to your lack of appearance. Fuck. Just her, somewhere, lurking. 

The kitchen was safe, paprika crisps settling your stomach as you brewed some longjing tea. A plan was formed, tell Mel, pack your shit and stay with your cousin until the housework finished later this week. It was solid, grounding and allowed you to get the fuck out of this weird fantasy land. Nothing felt tangible here, all consequences smashing down as soon as the spell of the upper class echelons was shattered by travelling 20 miles north. You holed yourself up in one of the spare sitting rooms, avoiding where she thought you’d be in favour of unfamiliar cream sofas and animal artwork. 

It wasn’t enough. 

Tentative footsteps, her arrival heralded by Mina, like a slow marching procession. There was no escape. One way in, one way out. The oak door clicked shut softly. You did not, would not, give her the satisfaction of looking up. 

Your name on her lips, measured and calm, as the sofa to your right dipped with her body weight. A loud clunk, your gaze meeting a bottle of artisan Olive Oil. 

“Olive branch?” She muttered, “We were out of breadsticks,” 

You looked at it, still not her, nose twitching. Her charm, though flavoured now with hesitancy, was viscous and wrong as it lapped at your skin. “That implies there’s a conversation to be had here, and there isn’t,”

“Look at me,” Soft but impatient. 

Your eyeline did not move. Her arrogance astounded you.

“I was thinking-”

“No, Mrs Medarda,” You snapped, formality and fury, making the cat jump, “There is nothing you can say, I am going to tell Mel and then I’m going to get away from you, as fast as possible,” 

“A tad dramatic,” Cryptic, passive smile, “Mel knows, darling,” 

“What?” This had you meeting her gaze, “You told her?”

“Not yet,” A sniff, “Not exactly,” 

“Well then she doesn’t fucking know, you twat,” 

Ambessa’s lips upturned slightly, “She doesn’t know the specifics, but she knows my motivations,”

“Motivations?” You scoffed, “Your untameable pride and sex drive you mean?”

Ambessa, despite having spent most of the night replaying every interaction you had ever shared under the rosy haze of infatuation, had yet to find a way to piece together her confession. Part of her wanted to wax lyrical, a modern day poet speaking in nothing but nonsense and flowers. But your impatience, borne of hurt and exhaustion, hung heavy above her. She was the one fearing the guillotine’s blade now, she should have learned from history that the revolution always comes in the end. And here it was, the revolt of her own mutinous heart. 

“Well?” Her silence unsettled you, those carved brows scrunched inwards, as you fought a mounting urge to backhand her. 

“Not quite that,” She muttered, “Wouldn’t have bothered with the olive oil if it was just sex, dear,” 

Your eyes rolled, pushing off of the sofa, body fleeing before your blood curdled in your veins. 

She grabbed your arm, pulling you back down with a thud, “Stop I-” gasped air, “I’m trying to be honest here,”

“You’re speaking like a Dickens novel and I’m supposed to take you seriously? Three Ghosts come and slap you in the face? Or some New Year’s resolution, is it?” You yank your hand back, skin fizzing and yearning for the calloused warmth to return. 

“Yes, actually,” 

“What was your Christmas past like then?”

“Troubled,” She quipped, rolling her eyes at you, “It is a resolution, one I indeed to stick to,”

A laugh, grating against your throat, “Didn’t take you for the type, you don’t seem in a rush to change anything about your life,” 

“Stop being childish and listen,” She snapped. 

“You have two minutes,” You spat, “And then I’m leaving,”

“Two minutes isn’t even enough time to boil an egg,” 

“Ambessa,”

Muscles tensed. Fine. Fucking Hell. “I’ve been bad to you,” There, well done Ambessa, a start. Accountability, the sharp blade you must crush within your palm. 

Tart and hard, an unripe cherry between your teeth, shock bloomed. There was nothing particularly reassuring about her words, but you jumped all the same. 

“I abused your kindness and took advantage of you,” How lovely and romantic, the muted whites of the room shifting to morose greys. 

“Old news, cemented about nine kisses ago,”

“I know that,” It was sharper than she’d intended, a sigh rattling out, “I know,”

“If you know, why are we having this conversation?” You grabbed the olive oil, waving it about, “What kind of weak, spindly branch is this?”

“You’re so pedantic, must you have everything spelled out for you?!” She growled, tenderness foreign on her tongue, “The I’m in love with you kind,” 

A spell, like a muffling blanket of snow, enveloped the room. Such a tender, sweet truth, with all the certainty and promise of the apple of Eden. Was she the snake or Eve, you could hardly tell. You sat, in stasis, as she swallowed. 

FIve minutes. Ten. A brutal, endless fifteen. 

“Don’t be cruel,” Acid burned in your mouth, tears smarting your eyes, “Don’t wave that about,”

Snip. Your words cutting Ambessa’s newly found heartstrings, “I wouldn’t,”

“Wouldn’t you?”

“No,” It was firm.

“And that’s what Mel knows?” You asked, eyes narrow. You didn’t believe her, couldn’t, wouldn’t. Really, really shouldn’t. 

“She insisted upon it, screamed at me in the Kiramman’s bathroom,” 

“Wait,” Awe bubbled between your ribs, “Last night?”

A begrudging nod, that soft half smile that made you melt. She loved your lip twitches of surprise, your mouth turning over words you couldn’t vocalise. 

“Why?”

“She sort of stumbled into it, as did I,” A pause as she pulled a red wine bottle and glasses from seemingly nowhere, “Do you mind?”

“Yes, I do,” You snarked, flicking the cork onto the floor, “But by all means, don’t let that stop you,” 

“I won’t,”

You took the glass she offered all the same, settling into the sofa with renewed confidence, petulant hands spilling drops of burgundy onto the cream sofa. “Stumbled, you said?”

Ambessa crossed her legs, Malbec coating her tongue, “She was..frustrated that I had not distanced myself enough from you,”

“I noticed a distinct difference,”

“That’s what I said,”

“Not taking your side,” You swished your hand for her to continue. 

“She said I was selfish and many other things, another character assassination,” Heavy chug, “But she wanted a reason, a cause,”

“She always does,” Anticipation was building now, possible half truths and sweet words lingering just out of reach, “It’s the only reason she forgave me, because of how I felt,”

Ambessa nodded, eyes distant, “Did you know I find it harder to sleep now?”

What? You were hungover and hair of the expensive vintage dog was not quite cutting it.  Speak plainly you maddening cow, your mind cried. Instead, “Pardon?”

“I miss the weight of you on my chest, and the coldness of your toes on my calves,” She muttered, memory easier than big declarations, “It’s what I thought of when Mel asked me to prove it, to prove it was..” 

Monster. Cannibal. Villain. She was gnawing at your bones, words like ambrosia to all the battered, tired shades of you that sat before her. You missed that too, had mourned it like so many other little, luxurious sweetnesses. 

“That’s still a physical desire,” You rationalised, lips stained with wine. 

A grunt, “Do you need more?”

A nod. Several. Only confirmational overkill would do here. 

“I-” Her hand twitched, “find myself trying to force an affinity for apple tea,”

“You hate it,”

“But it tastes of you,” She said, “Sometimes it’s all I can do to stave off the craving,”

“So you miss my mouth? Physical.” 

Ambessa pouted, heavy hand overpouring another glass, “What do you want from me? I’ve already said it,”

You laughed, in spite of it all, “I want to know what you’re feeling, not what you miss or crave or imagine,”

It seemed to rent her asunder, her feelings etched in memories, stuck far away from words. Love was one, but it was vulnerable and rough against her tongue. It had only come out via happenstance, sleep deprivation and growing panic. Affection hung in the background, and devotion sat like oil on her smooth skin. How was she to wield them? A great axe pulling her into herself, straining underdeveloped muscles. 

“It’s a bit like quicksand,” Her tone was unsteady, “It’s eating me whole,”

“What is?”

 “Love,” She snarled, as if it was obvious, eyes ever so slightly glazed. 

“The more you fight, the more you sink?”

She nodded, a heady relief in your understanding, light at the end of her confusing tunnel, “Exactly that,” 

You downed your glass, “Then I’ll throw you a stick, help you out,” a dismissive sniff, “I hate you,”

“No you don’t,” No hesitation, “You fell before I did, Sweet Girl,” 

“And look where that got me,” 

“But we’re in it together now,”

“There is no together, Ambessa,” You were sinking, she would not be proven right, “Your love is as dangerous as your indifference, wolves do not cradle their prey tenderly,”

“You aren’t prey,” It was a cry, angry and indignant, as her hands found yours. 

“Then why am I covered in your bitemarks?” 

She grumbled, “I think we’ve used the full extent of this metaphor, darling,” 

“Metaphors, jibs, cold truths, however you spin it, you are an emotionally immature mess,”

“Mel called me an emotionally impotent bitch,” She said, interlocking her warm hands with your trembling ones, “You were kinder about it,” 

“I’m always kinder about everything,” You replied, tightening your grip.

“It’s one of the things I love about you,” 

“Stop saying that!” 

“What?” She smiled, something giving way inside her, “Love? That I love you?”

“I-Yes,” You were chest deep now, thick wet sand eating you, “I don’t know what to do with that, with you,” 

Ambessa sat, rhythmically stroking your knuckles, as her head leaned closer to yours, “You let me earn you, my darling,”

Thick sludge, stealing your breath away now, “Earn me?” 

“Will you let me try?” Her voice was molasses now, pushing you down into the very bottom of the pit, her brain finally catching up with her body, “Words fuelled by action?” 

“L-like date me? And woo me?” Your eyes were fluttering, heart a schism of fear and fancy. 

She hummed in confirmation, free hand tucking some of your glitter crusted hair behind your ear, gaze soft. 

“Doesn’t seem very characteristic, Ambessa,” 

“Yes, well,” A humorous sigh, “You’ve clearly made me sick, some kind of spell or curse,”

You smacked her arm, a nonsensical laugh slipping out. She was ridiculous and stupid and images of her sending you flowers or taking you mini golfing came into your mind unbidden. 

“Is that a yes, my darling?”

“What does Mel think?”

“I think you should ask her,” Ambessa’s voice wrapped around you, “Regardless of this, I will not monopolise on your relationship with her,”

“I think you’re suffering from head injury,” She was perfect, she was handing you your dreams on a silver platter, so why couldn’t you take it? “I think I need some time,”

She nodded, ignoring the dark growl in her chest, “There’s no timeline,” Actually, the timeline was she wanted to be between your legs right now, but it seemed the clocks were confused. 

With an odd, robotic stroke to her cheek, you stumbled out of the room and back up the stairs. Ignoring your door, you curled into Mel’s room, allowing yourself to be engulfed by frilly bed sheets. She’d find you later and you could have a chat. 

Find you she did, snoring and pale in her bed, with wine stained lips and tear stained cheeks. Hungover limbs crawled around you, kissing your forehead. 

“Babe!” It was a happy shout, as you flinched awake. 

“That was not the only way to do that,” 

“It’s the way I chose,”

The conversation that transpired was as follows. You bared your snotty, shattered soul and called her mother all the cruel, loving things you could think of and she nodded sagely whilst stroking your hair. She then decided to take her mother’s side, and say that you should definitely pursue a relationship if you loved her, as if it was that simple. You were now battering her shoulder with a candy cane shaped cushion. 

“Hitting me isn’t going to change my answer,”

“It’s not normal to tell your friend to date your mother,” You cried, “The only sane person in this family is Kino,”

“Really?”

A memory of him drizzling a chicken wing with melted chocolate the night before returned, “Christ, okay you’re all nuts!” 

“You still haven’t told me what you want,” Mel murmured, taking the candy cane from your grasp, “Just that she’s evil and you feel weak when she smiles, which honestly urgh,” 

Uncertain, jittering hands tug at a strand of hair, “I don’t think I know,”

Silence, her hand on your shoulder, as you sorted through the bombed out craters in your mind. Each kiss, fight, and confession had made its mark and the rubble was hard to decipher. 

“I think I want to exist a bit, before I commit to anything,” 

“You have been through a lot, babe,” Mel was so gentle, you adored her more than she could ever ever know, “Maybe just be you? Mum’ll wait,”

“Will she?” That was your hope and your fear. 

“She’ll have to if she’s serious, and if she doesn’t then fuck her, you can find another fish, preferably one I’m not related to,” 

“I love you,”

“Damn right,” She kissed your head, “Now can we watch TV or something, my head hurts,”

Three days passed, and she was surprisingly normal. There was no forced affection or ultimatums, just the same smile; considerate and mischievous. You were grateful, the space confirming what you’d said to Mel. You needed to be you, away from the magic and madness of this house, and only then would you really know. 

When you told her as much, firelight flickering in the library on your last evening, she let out a long sigh. The grating, dull pain in her heart intensified, but with it so did her plan.

The last dinner felt stupidly biblical, final and massive, as though you may never return. A veritable feast, overflowing plates and glasses, as even Rictus joined you for the meal. Kino was a jester of epic proportions, breaking more than one glass in his pursuit of a punchline. Ambessa sat, quiet but merry, against the carved mahogany chair of the dining room. Mel, as ever, was the master of pictures. You dreaded the thought of the costs to develop that much film, though you placed bunny ears behind Kino’s head as you grinned into the flash all the same. Rictus, though, was the real diamond in the rough of the evening. Strong and well mannered, with your exact sense of humour. He was quiet and yet seemed to fill every silence that threatened to hurt you. You felt sorry to have overlooked him in a way, leaning a heavy head against his shoulder. 

“I’m going to miss you,”

“Miss my endless free labours?” He joked, a gruff voice above your ear. 

“Miss your sanity,” You said, “Miss your friendship,”

“Well, I’m only ever a phone call away,” He replied, “Us furniture have to stick together,” 

You laughed, bright and true, as he dolloped another mountain of tiramisu onto your plate. 

Slowly, but surely, you all retired to bed, a holiday well spent and a heavy desire to return to normal weighing in the air.

The next morning, as he bundled your endless possessions into Mel’s boot, Rictus called you over. 

“Something the matter?”

“Kid,” A sternness, “You’re going to be alright?”

You snorted, “I told you I’d keep in touch, where’s this come from? Delirious from all of Mel’s handbags and shoes?”

“I love Ambessa Medarda very much,” He said out of nowhere, hand stroking your arm, “Don’t let her wants eclipse yours,”

“What?” What the fuck was he on about? 

“Speak of the devil, and she appears,” He muttered, stepping away without a further word. Bastard. 

Ambessa squeezed Mel with all her might, an acceptance blossoming in a relationship filled with shards of glass and broken promises. “Look after yourself, work hard,”

“Party harder,” Mel muttered, “I know Mum, I’ll see you at Easter,”

She climbed into the preheated Land Rover, just as Rictus wandered back into the Manor with a shout and a wave. Kino had said goodbye over breakfast, nearly breaking a rib, and so it was just her.

The goodbye was stilted, her large hand stroking your hair as she took an audible sniff. It made you giggle wetly, swallowing down the impulse to just collapse into her and let yourself be consumed. You first, her later. That was probably what Rictus had meant, god your brain was slow today.

“Thanks for a lovely Christmas, and everything in between, well most things,” You mumbled, watery smile. 

“You’re more than welcome, Sweet Girl,” 

“I-I’ll be in touch, when I can,” Her hand was warm in yours, keeping you anchored in place. 

“IF you can, Dear,” She corrected, voice caring “I expect you to take this seriously,” 

A scoff, as you nodded and pursed your lips. Everyone was treating you like you were suddenly going to go back on your plan and jump her bones against the front door. It was a valid concern, even you hadn’t decided completely if you would or not.

“See you soon,” She said, a throwaway comment, as you let go and climbed into Mel’s car. 

Several beats. Your heart full and empty, a weird schrodinger’s joke. A fern tree smell from the little car freshener. 

“Well that was agonising to watch,” Mel quipped, shooting her mum a wave and pulling out of the driveway. Manicured nails flicked on a random playlist, 80s rock heavy, as you stared out at the frosty scenery. 

The flowers started a week after you had gotten back to Edinburgh. Always different, always perfectly sized for your light green vase and never overwhelming. It was a constant sign of her presence, without the stifling need to be responded to. There was never a note, beyond her initials, and that made each delivery all the sweeter. Sometimes other things would come with them too, after a long deadline or big presentation, there would be wine or a new book. It was a more considerate type of materialism, reminiscent of sand castle buckets and chiffon dresses, as glimmering parts of your old self emerged from the explosion of Her. 

Winter socials, dancing around the house in pyjamas singing ABBA with Mel as the world began to thaw.

Valentine’s Day arrived, and with it a little bouquet of roses and a takeaway voucher. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, Ambessa x

                               You too, Sweet Girl x

It was your first point of contact, and you couldn’t bring yourself to regret it. She was slowly but surely winning you over from afar, earning you as she’d said and this new, fresh, old version of yourself was happy to let her encroach a bit on No Man’s Land. Plus, this burrito was one of the best things you’d eaten in ages.

Ambessa was smiling widely at her phone, heart a jackhammer. She felt foolish, any acknowledgment sending her into a tailspin, but that soft kiss at the end of a text was enough to solidify her already immense resolve. You were hers, and she was yours, however long she had to wait.

You were granted the funding you needed, your academic success propelling you into spring with tired and happy limbs. Eleven weeks of flowers, a few scattered texts and one slightly drunken nude later, Mel was rambling at the dinner table about Easter plans. 

“Dad’s not back till the last week,” You replied around a very hot mouthful of chicken parm, “Presumed I’d spend the rest of the time with you,”

Mel’s eyes glistened, shit eating grin on her glossed lips, “Did you now?”

“Oh come off it,” You snapped, “Ambessa already offered anyway,” 

“She has? How nice of her,” Excitement fizzed in her, battling with a bit of sadness at losing her friend’s full attention, “And how is that? Calla lilies this week, I noticed,” 

“Why’s that matter?”

“They mean beauty,” 

“They have meanings?” Tomato sauce stained your grey joggers, you didn’t care, “What about the others?” 

She snorted, “You thought they were just random?”

“I-I” A gulp, “Well, fuck I don’t know I just thought they were pretty,” 

Her laughter grated at you, google your true friend in the matter, as you scanned through each message Ambessa had supposedly sent. 

Bluebells first - Humility. Ironic start. 

Honeysuckle - Bonds of Love

Yellow Tulips - Sunshine in a smile - your heart seized. 

Peony - Bashful - not a word you’d really associate with her. 

White Hyacinth - Loveliness - Hers or your own? Both, you decided. Both. 

Edelweiss - Devotion - a dizzy wave of warmth over your skin. 

Red Roses - I Love You - apt for Valentine’s day. 

Chamomile - Patience in adversity. How brave she was, how ridiculous.

Forget-Me-Nots - True Love Memories - Her stained grin, garlic bread in hand came to mind. 

Red Camellias - You’re a flame in my heart - This coincided directly with her receiving a picture of you in a lacy red bra and thong, courtesy of cheap pints in your favourite pub, and an uncharged vibrator. 

Calla Lillies - Beauty. 

Your chicken parm was cold now, your mouth hanging open, as your eyes burned slightly. 

“You back with me, babe?” 

“This is so stupid,” You spluttered into cold marinara sauce, “She’s so stupid,”

“Love makes a fool of us all,” Mel said wisely. 

“Is that why you, Viktor and Jayce were curled up last night? I saw you holding hands,” 

“Be quiet!” She whined, “Die,”

“Don’t throw stones, Mel,” You mocked, “You’re looking awful glassy right now,” 

You would stay for Easter then, you both agreed over chocolate mousse, as you sent a thumbs up to Ambessa’s invitation. 

Ambessa, glasses balancing on her nose as she read a novel, scanned the text. Once. Twice. An exuberant third time. Rictus ended up battered with requests for a clear and ornate Easter menu, despite the fact that the holiday was over six weeks away and not at all favoured by the Medarda family. Mina had taken to nibbling her phone but only ever when you texted, and Ambessa was beginning to take it personally.

Your spring deadlines came and went, as April and its gentle rest bite from academia beckoned. The journey was painfully familiar to you now, as was the warm and rough rock sitting in your stomach. You felt you again, which was terrifying as it finally gave some space for her. Something you had come to want so desperately it made your dreams turbulent and your hands shaky. She still had some work to do, but as you flicked through your sparse text exchanges you couldn’t fight the smitten smile. 

You loved Ambessa Medarda, and that was okay now. For both of you. 

Ambessa had been waiting for three hours by the door like an overexcited dog. Several times Rictus had come to ask her questions or show her things, and each time she was transfixed on the long driveway.

“Mel said they wouldn’t be here before 2,” He said, smirk on his lips. 

“She’s never reliable,” 

“She is literally compulsively on time,” 

“Rictus, do I pay you for these kinds of conversations?”

“No, but you probably should, I was going to bring it up during my next performance review,” 

“Ah yes, 31st of April, wasn’t it?”

He laughed, wandering back towards the tower of hand painted easter eggs he was tending to.

2pm on the dot you pulled up by the house, clambering to stretch your legs. As the door opened Mel ran to it, kissing her Mum’s cheek and shooting past her to get to the toilet. Whether intentional or serendipity, Mel had given you the perfect opening to stare like a lovesick fool at her mother. 

“Ambessa,” Her name a cry of joy.

“Sweet Girl,” She ignored the thickness in her throat, eyes glimmering at seeing your face again. 

“T-Thanks for the flowers,” Unsure hands, “And the messages they sent,”

She smiled, stepping forward and squeezing your arm. “Always, as long as you enjoy them,” 

“You’ve been just what I needed,” Affection swelled in your chest, “Present but distant,”

“Like a ghoul?” 

You giggled, “Exactly that,”

“You keep comparing me to spirits and ghosts,”

“I actually compared you to Scrooge, not the ghosts themselves,” 

She rolled her eyes, snorting, “You must always be right, mustn’t you?”

“Ambessa,” You repeated, gentiler now. 

She hummed in question, gaze meeting yours. 

“I think I’m ready to try now,” A sharp inhale, “If you are?”

“Well,” Her crimson lips part into a dazzling smile, “That makes me very ha-”

“Princess!!” Kino, dressed in plaid pyjamas, shouted as he ran to engulf you in a hug, “You’re here!”

“Bastard child,” Ambessa grunted under her breath, watching as you cuddled her son and made faces at her over his shoulder. 

“Later,” You mouthed, before focusing on Kino, “Hello there, Peacock Prince,”

She wandered back inside with a murderous expression, greeted by Mel halfway through a bag of Quavers, “Kino cockblock you?”

“Mel, I fund your lifestyle,” Ambessa snapped, “Do not antagonise me,”

“That’s a yes,” Her crunchy words said, offering her a cheesy grin. 

It took until after dinner that evening for you to get a moment alone together again, your spot in the library occupied as you stared across at her. Kino was out with another lady friend and Mel had common sense, so the air that crackled around you would not be interrupted. It was a good thing too, you’d spent the whole time eating your spaghetti trying to make yourself look alluring. Until Mel had pinched you under the table. 

“So,” You started, chest tight. 

“So,” She repeated, stroking Mina, “You said you were ready?”

“Yes,” Your decision was certain now, having spent some time back in her presence. You wanted it all, as soon as you could get it. Seemed you were as damned as she was. The devil on your own shoulder.

“We can take it slowly, Sweet girl,” She said, leaning forward, “There’s no rush,”

Your blood was thick and hot, mind whirling, “What if I want to rush?”

Ambessa grinned, chucking Mina away and with one sharp tug moving you onto her large thighs, “Then I’d say, where would you like to start?”

She was solid and seductive and all the things you’d avoided in your time finding yourself. She was as sticky and tempting as always, though her love tempered the fire now. Things were never done by half, and you’d fooled yourself when you planned to build a relationship step by step. Ambessa had laid the foundations, floral and firm, so now you wanted to chuck brick and cement together as fast as you could. 

“This maybe?” You half slurred in anticipation, hungry lips meeting hers. 

Ambessa was, for once, incredibly surprised. You were devouring her, with no restraint, as if no time had passed at all. But you were different now, she could sense it. Stronger, more certain of your place, your needs and wishes. It suited you, like an attractive new coat. Her hands were roaming about, searching for the best place to land, each patch of skin more perfect than the last. 

“Are you sure?” She murmured against smudged lips, holding your chin in place to stop your desperate advance, “I don’t want to push you away again,”

You melted, kissing her palm, “You won’t,” it was breathless, “I promise,”

“I’ll only do this if I get to take you out tomorrow, a nice long day together,” Her honeyed voice muttered, though one hand was already making its way under your shirt. 

“So a win-win?” 

Calloused fingers grazed your nipple, kissing your neck as she nodded into it. 

“Not sure I could ask for a better Easter,” You joked breathlessly, body twitching into her touch. 

“That’s why you’re not going to ask for it,” Her voice was dark, a switch flipped, “You’re going to beg,” 

Welcome back Ambessa Medarda, you’ve been sorely missed. I hope you fuck my brains out now. “Please?” You quipped. 

A sharp pinch to your nipple, a low growl, “Do you think I’m joking, girl?”

You ached for her, mind fracturing, as an earnest apology ripped from your throat. Your pleading was real now, her wet kisses maddening. 

Ambessa felt hungry, ravenous in fact, and you had offered yourself like a perfect little dessert. How kind. How naive. It took her a few minutes of pawing at you for all of your clothes to be left on the floor, goosebumps prickling your skin as you rubbed yourself against her thigh. This was perfection, your thoughts slush as she whispered filth in your ear. 

“More,” You whined, the pull on your chest not harsh enough. 

She twisted until it burnt, making you jolt, as her wet tongue soothed the ache, “That enough pain for you? So desperate for it,” 

“I-I”

“Is that why you sent me those filthy pictures?” Her thumb, slick with you, danced in circles across your clit, “Wanting to show yourself off, hmm? A slut in red lace?”

“Ambessa,” You gasped. 

“You wanted to drive me mad,” A suck to a sore nipple, “Wanted to corrupt me, after I tried so hard to stay away,” 

“It was an accident,” You slurred, stomach tensing as you thrust in rhythm with her touching. 

“An accident?” She scoffed, nuzzling against your throat, “That’s what you call spreading yourself for me on camera?” 

You were so close, her words like gasoline as you whimpered a confused apology, your mind desperate to keep feeling good. 

“Is this an accident too, Sweet girl?”

“Wha-” Your eyes rolled, cunt gushing as your first orgasm slammed into you like a sledgehammer. 

She slipped you off her lap, sliding out from under you to the ground, as your bare skin touched the cool red leather chair. She knelt, a devious grin on her lips, between your trembling legs as she watched a soft slickness drip down your thighs.

“You’ve made a mess,” She said, disapproving pout on her face, “Say you’re sorry,”

“S-sorry, Ambessa,” You mumbled, eyes glassy. 

“Good girl,” She stroked your thighs, a tight grip on them, tiny crescent moons from her nails, “It’s okay, I’m here to tidy you up,”

She had always been skilled, playing you like an instrument, but as her hot tongue hit your folds you found yourself blank, empty and unsure if you would ever feel anything other than raw, molten pleasure again. Teasing kitten licks lapped up your juices, her golden eyes controlling your every move, as you went limp against the chair. It smelt of her. Everything in this room did. Your body twitched again. 

Her tongue drew another two orgasms from your needy body, sweaty hair sticking to your forehead as you tugged at her salt and pepper curls. 

At some point you ended up flat on the floor against her fancy Persian rug, legs spread as she sat on your face. She was soaked, your cheeks wet as you ate mindlessly. Her orgasms were like nectar as she came apart above you, stern voice turning airy and dazed.

“Just like t-that,” She panted, fucking herself on your tongue.

Your hummed agreement hit her swollen clit, her tongue lolling out her mouth as an animalistic grunt filled the room. 

You were in a bed now. How had that happened? 

“Still with me, little one?” She teased, stroking your hair as she loomed above with a long, hard strap-on. 

“That looks nice,” You babbled, chest rapidly rising and falling. 

“Would you like it?”

A nod. 

“Ask nicely then, Sweet girl,” 

“Pleasepleaseplease,” You said, sweet as sugar, spreading yourself just as you had in those pictures. 

Ambessa Medara was a strong woman. It was her defining feature in fact. Iron will and firm muscle, she prided herself on being a fortress. Here, however, with a whimpering slut beneath her, her resolve shattered like china against marble. You were stuffed before she’d processed the last plea, a surprised gurgle as she worked to destroy you. 

Again, and again and again. She fucked that sweet spot in you with relentless efficiency, as cool leather rubbed against your clit in time with her thrusts. You’d long since given up on the idea of being quiet, mewling gasps and shouts of her name leaving you hoarse with fluttering eyes.

“Cum for me,” It was a sudden command, voice harsh and high, as she fell apart with a vicious thrust. 

You obeyed, the coil in you snapping again, as her sweat covered skin collided with yours. 

You stayed like that, hearts beating in time, as lust faded to contentment and exhaustion. Her slurred praise soothed your battered body as a cold flannel wiped away the stickiness that lingered everywhere. 

There was little else to be said that night, words of love and happiness pouring from you both under your shared silken sheets. 

She loved you. 

You loved her. 

How perfect. 

Slightly lopsided, with a turtleneck to hide the smattering of bruises across your skin, you made your way to the breakfast table. You’d agreed with Ambessa to tell Kino this morning before your date, the only thing still truly weighing on her out of the way in order for you to have the perfect day together. 

He was currently assembling a tower of waffles and bacon, as Mel systematically pushed it over. Rictus stood making more construction materials at the hob, sharing a grin with Mel. 

Ambessa, seeing you enter, coughed loudly to silence the squabbling. 

You wandered over nervously, resting beside her. 

“I’d just like to make everyone aware of something,” She started slowly. 

“Someone dead?” Kino muttered, staring at you. 

“No,” She held her hand up to silence him, “Nobody’s died,”

“Someone pregnant?” Mel asked. The shit stirrer. 

“No I-” Ambessa glared at her, taking a deep breath her hand gravitated towards your shoulder,“I wanted to let you know that we've decided to pursue a romantic relationship,”

“Oh,” Kino’s body tensed, “And when did you make this choice?”

“Last night,” You replied hesitantly, “Why?”

“Fuck,” He groaned to himself, a gruff laugh heard from the hob. 

“I do believe we said one thousand even,” Rictus mocked, flipping a waffle onto the boy’s plate. 

“You couldn’t have waited another twelve hours,” He grumbled, fishing for his wallet in his coat. 

“What is happening right now?” Ambessa said, voice stern. 

“I bet yesterday,” Rictus said as if it were obvious, “Wolf pup here bet today, thought you’d need a little time to warm up, silly boy,”

“You’ve been betting on our relationship?!” You cried, eyes wide as saucers. 

“I wanted to feel included somehow,” Kino whined, “Everyone was taking me out for breakfast to shut me up,” 

Your gaze turned to Mel, who held her hands up, “I knew nothing about this babe, I swear,” 

Liar. Her grin gave her away. 

Ambessa took the wad of cash from Kino’s hands before Rictus could, taking two hundred pounds from the pile, giving you a hundred and keeping the rest for herself, “Our commission,” Her voice was tiny daggers, “For entertaining you all so thoroughly,” 

Both men grumbled, though the sparkle in their eyes told them it was never really about the money, the satisfaction coming from destroying the other's pride. 

A pause, as she turned directly to her son, “You’re taking this very well, Kino, despite your usual nonsense, I am sorry for keeping you in the dark,” 

“About as dark and subtle as a bat signal, Mum,” He laughed, “I knew you’d tell me when it worked for you.

“Yes, well, thank you anyway,” Her voice was laced with sarcasm, as she kicked down his tower this time. 

The loud, nonsensical rumble of infighting filled the kitchen as her hand found yours, a tight squeeze making you smile. 

No more secrets. No more sadness. 

You were finally officially a Medarda.

[moodymisty]

I mean you got anything sweet for Blood Angels...

Though my brain keeps jumping to Flesh Tearers but I feel like that's just me trying to get myself to write for Flesh Tearers (and Lamenters)

(Rambling idea below)

I mean lets be honest Blood Angels are ultimate predators for humans... being so handsome I mean Sanguinius was often called ethereal and other worldly with his beauty. So of course his sons are handsome and all so well bred for the arts... easy to lure in many humans to just listen to their prose or see their paintings.

Just don't show up during your period because suddenly a lot of the poetry is about blood or blood adjacent... they can't seem to find the right red paint... and why do so many of them look at you like they are dying of thirst?

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author’s note: Do I have something for Blood Angels- BOY DO I! Enjoy! I didn't exactly do your idea but I've had this plot in my head for weeks and wanted to use it and you're ask was the only one that let me /sob Not my best work by far, but I hope you enjoy.

Relationships: Unnamed Blood Angel/Fem!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Oral, Period blood kink/menstrual kink that type of stuff, Is this too weird? maybe I dunno you guys all seem like freaks so hopefully this will go over well? If not I can just return to my dungeon

"Why are we going this way?"

This is a long way around, though some of the Red Tear's maintenance areas. He doesn't answer you however, and with disgruntlement you let the question lie as you return to more civilized parts of the Red Tear.

This whole interaction has been odd, since he had picked you up to escort you back from your duties. Normally he doesn’t act like this; He's stoic and lacks a good bit of emotion yes, but you almost feel as if now he’s taking you to your execution.

"I thought you were missing,"

You had jokingly said, walking closer to him. This planet had been pleasant enough after the Blood Angels brought it under the Imperium, but you're quite eager to return to Terra. Or at least the Red Tear.

He ignored your little comment and stepped closer, but you noticed his face change when he got close enough to touch you. His body became more rigid, and you furrowed your brow as you looked up at him.

"Are you ok?" You say as he clears his throat and nods stiffly. "Yes. We should return to the Red Tear. Our work here is done."

You look up at him again try and get any sort of hint as to how he's feeling, but he only has that same, stiff expression; Though slightly more irritated than usual.

You round yet another corner to see a group of freshly armored Blood Angels leaving one of the armoring rooms. They all perk up at the sight of you, staring at you like something fierce. You get more than a bit uncomfortable under their gaze, until your supposed guardian grabs your arm and swiftly pulls you down the hall past them. He glares at them to keep their distance, and you grab at his gauntlet to try and relieve some of the pressure. You're arm is in pain from how tight he's pulling you along, until you stop in front of a room he opens.

It's not your own, so you presume it's his. He shoves you inside.

"Stay here."

As a diplomat you technically reside outside the command structure of the Blood Angels, but no one in their right mind would disobey an astartes. Especially one that is looking at you with such fire in his eyes. He turns to leave, but your sudden question makes him turn towards you again.

"What is all this? Why are you-" He grabs you tight at the shoulder, and you gasp in pain as the force of it pins you to the wall.

"Why do you smell like blood?"

You pull at his hand and grimace in pain, and at his oddly specific question.

"What? It's just normal, It's that time of the-" He lightly shakes your shoulder and despite speaking relatively quiet, his voice still hits you in the chest with out seething it sounds.

"Every one of my brothers on this ship can smell you. You're lucky I got to you before one of them did."

Even if they did, why does he speak of it like something would happen? Like he avoided it for a reason? He's talking as if you would be in danger if they found you, for something seemingly so simple.

“What would happen if they did?”

You quietly question, watching the expression on his face instantly change. He looks conflicted, like he’s nearly lost in thought. For awhile you think you may not even get an answer from him, until you finally see his lips shift.

“I, assume you’ve heard mutterings of a curse in your time here.”

You have vaguely- even he had cursed it once. At the time you'd assumed it some sort of unfamiliar swear or perhaps just an odd phase adopted by Blood Angels, and so you'd paid it little mind other than the initial confusion. When you hesitantly nod, he continues.

“The curse is real. It has changed our legion. And,” You figure he’s about to speak a secret he shouldn’t to someone like you, so you stay quiet.

“It makes the smell of blood, tempting.” He continues. “It sates a hunger only we Blood Angels possess, and keeps us from going raving mad.”

He quiets, and you feels his gauntlets shift on your shoulders. He changes the subject to something adjacent; You assume he probably feels guilt for confessing a chapter secret to you.

“You’re not hurt?” He says confusedly. You aren’t particularly surprised he knows little about such things, though explaining it to him in this state would take far too long and be far too unfruitful.

“No. I'm fine.” He hums. You think you hear him mumble about hearing such a thing from somewhere, a woman's illness, and the comment would make you laugh if he wasn't looming down on you so intensely.

“Very well.” He shifts his jaw a bit, the scars along it shifting. He seems to have run out of things to say, though it also seems like he can't pull himself away from you. His throat and jaw are tightly wound, like he's holding something back.

“You want some… Don’t you?”

He seems surprised oddly enough; Perhaps by your bluntness and stupidity. Many legions would not take kindly to you assuming things about them, but Blood Angels are remarkably kinder. He is remarkably kinder.

“I," He grimaces. "I would owe you a great deal. Our superiors look at those with the Red Thirst as little more than a danger.”

The Blood Angels have been nothing but kind to you, in their own way. To even just be on the Red Tear is a safety and security you couldn’t repay.

It helps that it's him; You haven't ventured far around the Blood Angels ship alone, and you shamefully feel yourself beginning to get attached. If this curse can be sated by something so seemingly menial to you, then you have no reason to refuse.

“Ok.”

You move to take off your pants hands shaking just barely in nervousness, as he drops to his knee with one heavy thud. The sound startles you, just as your pants fall to the floor.

Once they’re off, and just your underwear remains, you hesitate for a moment. His stare is so intense, and you don't know how to describe it other than hungry. Given what he's told you, it makes perfect sense.

After what feels like and eternity of you being frozen, you finally manage to regain enough control to peel your underwear away. He viscerally reacts to the presumably iron filled scent, and the sight of blood against your now bare skin.

You see the way the knot in his throat bobs just above the black skinsuit beneath his armor.

With a speed that has you almost letting out a scream he grips your hips pulls them forward enough that the angle feels precarious, but he has a solid enough grip that leaves no chance of you falling. He throws your right leg over his shoulder next to open your thighs, your foot pressing against the front of his jetpack.

He hesitates for a moment, and you look away from the sheer intensity of his expression before you feel his hot breath on your skin.

You feel the moment he finally takes a taste and you can barely hold in a whimper, it coming out a tiny squeak as you feel the way his hands shift and tighten against your hips. Any hesitation he had is gone near instantly, as he presses his mouth against your cunt.

His armored hands grip at your hips with a strength that makes you ache and fear bruises, easily keeping your legs spread with minimal effort as his tongue laps at your folds. You can see the blood smear across his face, though he pays no mind. He acts as if this is the first meal he's had in ages, or the last he'll ever have.

But while perhaps your pleasure might not be at the forefront of his mind in his quite literal bloodlust, the way his tongue slips between your folds and teases you still makes shivers go up your spine. Your hands grip his hair and attempt to steady yourself, as his strength pushes you around. It's impossible to stop the way your hips push forward trying to get closer to him, gasping as he briefly brushes around your clit.

Suddenly however he pulls himself away, mouth stained much the same as your cunt and upper thighs are. You can see his eyes are glassy his throat bobs.

"I should stop."

He mumbles something to himself about loosing himself further to the Thirst, as if he's treading a line between sating his hunger or falling victim to it. You, perhaps stupidly, encourage him to do the exact opposite.

"No, no just, just a bit more,"

You breathlessly whisper and attempt to pull him closer. He silently resists for a moment, before the knot in his throat bobs and he returns his mouth to between your legs. You can't stop the loud moan you let out into the barren room, damning the consequences of anyone hearing you.

You're so close to that peak you only need a bit more, and the way his teeth scrape against your skin and nose presses against your clit gets you there. Your hands tighter in his hair and you inhale, trying not to cry out. But even after you start to come down he continues, his mouth overstimulating so many little nerves you feel on the edge of tears. Your face is hot as your fingers grip at his armor, desperately whining for him to simultaneously stop, and never stop.

He pulls away again, and gently emoves your leg from his shoulder to let you stand and wobbly attempt to yourself. Your knees feel weak and so many of your muscles are sore, even though he was exceedingly gentle with you.

Realizing his face is a mess, he uses the fabric of his cape to wipe it; How fortuitous the fabric is red.

"You should still keep clear of my brothers until this, passes. You never know how close one of them is to loosing themselves and hurting you." You'll heed the warning. If they're anything more than what gusto he already displayed, you wouldn't be surprised angels more lost to the thirst would be dangerous to you. He displayed a remarkable degree of restraint, you could tell.

Though, a curious part of your mind wonders what he'd be like if he hadn't.

"Do you at least feel better? I don't know how the Thirst works but," He nods.

"Yes. It is nice to not have my head so clouded. I... Thank you."

You smile, before accidentally letting more words tumble out of your lips that you should've allowed. It seems his presence always seems to makes you accidentally forget how to not act a fool.

"Always happy to help." He takes your phase at face value, though you suppose you wouldn't refuse him if he asked again. It wasn't as if this ended badly for you.

"You are kind, offering yourself to a Blood Angel. Not many would."

Beyond their sophisticated veneer they are still dangerous predators more than capable of killing you with the slightest motion, you understand why any few who learn about their supposed defect would fear them.

Maybe something is clouding your judgement, but you don't fear him; At least not yet.

Adjusting your clothing you watch as he rises to his full height, his cape flowing behind him. You grip your own fingers nervously and look around.

"But, would you mind bringing my back to my own quarters? I'll admit I have no idea where on the ship you brought me, and I'm still a bit woozy." He offers a gentle but stoic smile.

"Of course."

[project-sekai-facts]

Hey there! Thanks for all your hard work. I wanted to send something that would hopefully be fun and a break from the asks. What are your fave cards for each character (and why if you want to explain)? :D

no problem :) and thank you for the break haha

this is kinda long bc of the amount of images so i'll put it under a readmore. note that my reasoning kinda ranges from "it's pretty" to <ramble about art>.

Before Thinking About It (Live with memories)

This set is really pretty but Ichika definitely has the best card in it. I love the stars and the little fish things swimming about.

Rainy Distance (First Star After the Rain)

No I do not care that this was her first 4*. How can people say the old sets are bad like have you SEEN the Stella set? It's absolutely beautiful.

Because You're Our Dear Friend (Unwavering Feelings, Now Put Into Words)

This set is so pretty!! It’s one of my favorite perm sets. Honami's is definitely my favorite though because the twinkly stars really take it up a level.

The Right Path for Me (Colorful Festival)

Shiho looks really cool in this one and I love the artstyle. I like the sign that just says "sign".

For "Your" Sake (Let's Deliver! Hopeful Stage)

Another really good Year One set! I love the angel theming with Minori and giving her actual wings was such a cool idea. Faito faito Minorin!

Perfect Premonition (Connecting Painful Hope)

I vividly remember when this leaked it was a big day for MMJ fans. She looks really cool in this card and I like the sort of rockstar aesthetic it has. Easily my favorite card for her

To You Who Wants To Be An Idol (Colorful Festival)

One of my favorite cards in the game! The aesthetic is really cute and reminds me of pop art. I love the details on the eyes as well

With the Feeling of Shooting a Thousand Arrows (Draw Your Bow in This White World)

I still can’t believe that this set is perm it’s absolutely stunning. Easily Shizuku’s best card, she looks so ethereal here

Kaleidoscope of Footprints (Colorful Festival)

I love the colors and the art on this one. It’s really unique and definitely one of my favorite fes cards. Again I love how her eyes are drawn and colored.

Past Excitement (Colorful Festival)

This is An’s most recent 4* with neon lighting i just want them back. Also the Nagi-inspired hairstyle ueueueueue

The Reason Behind the Words I Was Told (Find A Way Out)

I love the emotion on this one like it carries really well. Honestly it’s not the prettiest or most interesting card ever but it resonates ygm. You can really feel his joy and passion in this one.

Feelings That Were Buried (Colorful Festival)

Ough his fes is so good. The symbolism as well like music is really important to Toya and it’s a huge part of his life but he's keeping this specific part behind a curtain for now. The fact it’s in the part of his fragment sekai that isn’t as derelict as the rest- it hurts.

Receiving Your Inspiration (A Sorrowful Farewell at the Curtain Call)

It was really close between this and Torpe but ultimately I chose this one. It’s really bright and warm compared to Rui's dark and cold and Nene's in-between and I think that's why it sticks out to me.

An Irreplaceable Smile (Smile of Dreamer)

Yumekawa sets are always some of my favorites and this set especially. Imo this is also the most “Emu” card so far like it’s so fun and colorful and imaginative

Dazzling Dream Stage (Colorful Festival)

Mary poppins nene!! Like I said with Emu this is probably one of the most “Nene” cards to me, she needs more stuff that has that classic musical theatre kinda vibe.

The Right Words to Throw (At This Festival Colored By Twilight)

I think this whole set was really pretty but this one is probably my favorite from it. I like the references to previous wandasho events and looking at this after Curtain Call just hits different yk

Flowerbed of Memories (Carnation Recollection)

Like I said with Akito this one is about the emotion. I think it captures the event story really well like if you have background context you can see all the connections to the Yoisaki family and Kanade reminiscing about that warmth.

The Silence That Only You Know (Draw Your Bow in This White World)

I had a really hard time picking my favorite but I think I’m gonna go for her archery card as well. I already said it but this set is great and I love the details in the background of this card as well.

Through Pain and Misery (On This Blank Canvas, I Paint)

I remember really well when this one leaked because it was around the time I started actively playing the game and I’m still in awe about it. It looks so good for a permanent card and we have never gotten another card like this.

Making Chocolates With Children (The Gentleman Thief's Thrilling White Day!?)

Not the most impressive choice but white day sets go hard. I love medieval/fantasy AU and this card is really cool. Also convinced that the artist does not know how heavy flagpoles are.

At Least, to Me (2nd Colorful Festival)

I love the victorian mad scientist look she’s bringing to the table. Also I like lore.

Sending My Singing Voice (On This Blank Canvas, I Paint)

Another emotion card. Rin being the one connected most to Ena and the way she’s embracing the art is so !!! It’s such a warm card as well you can really feel the way Ena feels about her craft.

Cheering For You (Colorful Festival)

The artists went all out for Kagamine fes the art looks so good. I don’t really have much to say about this one lol

Chalkboard Cherry Blossoms In Bloom (Sakura Across SEKAI, Interconnecting Our Feelings)

I love the colors on this one it looks so pretty; pink and purple palettes look so nice. Also leo/need with stars always a plus.

Reassuring Warmth (Get Over It.)

Probably my second favorite perm set after archery. I love space/sci-fi themed things and this is probably my favorite from that set. The colors are really nice and I like the lore implications of her solar system model

What Arrangement Would Be Good? (Draw Your Bow in This White World)

Shocker I picked archery again. What can I say, this set fucks.

[sacredartist33013]

Well well well... Well

I didn't actually think i ever thought I'd have the confidence or Patience to do this at all... But i guess my friend influenced me more than i thought. So i welcome you all to listen to my ramblings about a chi power system

(Okay maybe i should explain a bit better) it's been close to about a year since i became friends with who i feel like is one of the backbones of the tmnt community @brightlotusmoon (who I've talked about or @ quite a few times already) but she's also been a great friend and the person who brought back my inspiration to write again(even if it's still a little I'm still doing it again) and pretty much over that year I've been making a system for chi/spiritual energy That could be used for tmnt... More specifically it started as for 2012 because we have allot of chi stuff in 03 and rise has a whole swath of mystic powers... But this now more or less has been somewhat placed on a middle ground... But since i mostly write 2012 fics and ideas(somewhat adjustable to other ones with some elbow grease) it's mainly used in 2012.

But enough of that! You're here because you wanted to hopefully learn about the art of chi. And Professor sacred is here and class is in session. Today we cover chi origins and the basics of it.

Thank you Mr L. Greetings, I'm professor victor sacred or if you stay after this introductory lesson professor sacred. I'd like to welcome you all to chi 101

I'd ask you all to please mind my eyes. These contacts I need make them look so unsettling

Then maybe you should have thought about that before scaring professor I.

Hush you, now class this will be a relatively long class as we cover the big 3 topics today for introduction into chi.

What is chi?

The origins of manipulation.

And the core principals of chi manipulation. Chakras are also included due to how interwoven they are with chi itself.

First off we shall answer question one right now. What is chi?

Chi or ki as it's also been called exists in all living things, and has been harnessed and used by others for centuries with a variety of methods. From channeling it into objects, to using mantras and or hand signs, to tags and seals(disposable one use and permanent) using all kinds of wording and symbols (studies have shown mainly kanji work the best. Perhaps this is due to the origins of where chi manipulation comes from or that this type of manipulation is most used and practiced there) now the picture above class is a loose representation of a soul... My soul to be specific. The inner layer of pink is known as a core. The s surrounding my core is what we call the chi wellspring. You could also call cores the true soul. All cores are personally tailored to you as an individual. This representation is my soul as a child. It's tailored but not as much as it could be. A blank slate that becomes less blank if you will.

Is that why it looks like your eyes minus contacts

Are you saying look blank?

You have no pupils

Neither do you buddy.

And who's fault is that?

Can we do this when I'm not teaching a class? I have at least one diligent student out there waiting for our lessons.

Sure sure sure teach,teach away

Now unlike some other supernatural energies we'll cover in the future Chi is more of a subtle power system. It's flash and glow is often very low. However The effects and the flashiness of chi spells and techniques can be strengthened by repetition of actions within the spell. Things like repeating certain mantras and hand signs in your techniques. However do not think you can do this willy nilly.

Despite the references to games we like to use in our lessons sometimes this isn't a game. Starting chi practitioners can get very hurt or potentially suffer more dangerous versions of the usual drawbacks of chi.

That my students is why beginners mustn't use more then 3 to 4 repetitions per spell at a time without some form of support in the form of other chi users or gofu(a lesson we'll cover another time)The more repetition in your technique the more strain and drain put onto your chi wellspring

I don't think we talked about the wellspring yet prof

And if you hadn't derailed my initial talk about cores with talk of my eyes we wouldn't need to cover it here. The wellspring would be the blue fiery energy surrounding the core. We all start with a specific amount(some more then others) and those that typically are told of there potential to manipulate chi or sharpen spiritual intution often have even more chi.

However do not despair students. If you were born with a low chi wellspring. There are many ways to increase your wellspring. Meditation not only replenishes one's wellspring but also can increase it's depth. Similarly when one empties their wellspring dry they also can increase it's depth.

Do not take that as an invitation to waste spiritual energy. Running low on or out of chi can give you quite the fatigue. Massive headaches and even some drowsiness are very common as well. There's even been accounts of things like anemia and nosebleeds from straining or using too much... Even partial seizures for particularly mentally draining techniques

That's not even counting for the overdrive

Ah yes, a very dangerous problem indeed. The overdrive happens when one reaches their limit on chi. And replenish their drained wellspring with a special form of fighting meditation and continuing to fight with it without proper rest or meditation technique. Sort of a quick meditation to get the core flowing energy again. Only now all 7 chakras are in overdrive alongside your core. Producing larger and larger portions of chi. But There is a trade off. Core overdrive is a last hooray style of technique. That should only be used in the most dire of circumstances.

The technique is so dangerous because your body is not meant to produce so much spiritual power so fast. It causes your body to enter a comatose state. In worse cases of over use you could even experience something called the phasing soul travel. Now soul travel is another fancy term for an astral plane journey. The phasing soul journey however is not a good one at all. Your very physical form phases out of reality and into the astral planes as a wandering soul. While this is reversible students you might not want to. The planes have been known to be very euphoric to these souls. So getting them to return is much much harder.

However do not let that discourage you from trying to get a wandering soul home. You'll know the difference between these wandering journey souls and a normal one when you first see them. The chi markings on there body alone are the indicator of a soul can phase back to the mortal world into there body

Please do not let this discourage you from studying chi. While these side effects and consequences are dangerous so long as you have proper help with managing your chi usage and have the proper help and knowledge you'll be safe.

As well as proper managing of chi and how much your wellspring has left. Like mr L has said before we like to use gaming terms many times in our lessons but chi is always not a game. We have no real built in ways to say we have nothing left. Not like role play games with their spell slots. Or a screen and bar to tell us were out of mana. Not even a point system to say we are out of points. What we do have are techniques you might consider cantrips. Techniques that use up so little to no chi in your wellspring that you can use them all the time. You'll find all chi techniques in some way or form come from these wisp techniques as we'll call the cantrips of chi. They're one of the building blocks of chi itself.

Another building block would be the level system for chi. A little different to usual systems found in other powers because chi runs with repetition. So the level system operates on a different level to say mystical powers or even powers you need to charge in order to get stronger.

Chi can be charged. In fact it's the bread and butter of a sect within chi manipulation called chi weaving. Needing to charge your techniques. Something we will cover in next weeks class?... Mr l whats next weeks chi class?

It would be chi items and spirits... So maybe next weeks class after that.

Ah,okay.

While i have it here perhaps we should open up on chakras?

Excellent idea! Now pay attention to the board class

This would be a rough estimate of the 7 chakras from the root to the enlightenment chakra. Please thank mr L for his generous rough drawing of the 7 chakras.

Why thank you for the compliment.do not think there are only 7 chakras these are only 7 out of the 100s of chakras. These are simply the most important ones for chi work.

That's correct, there are in fact hundreds of chakras out there. But chi manipulation cares the most about these main 7.

The red root chakra

The orange sacral chakra

The yellow solar plexus chakra

The green heart chakra

The blue throat chakra

The indigo 3rd eye chakra

And the violet enlightenment chakra

Think of these chakras almost like gears or water wheels for the chi to flow around and get to turning

Or even stops on a road while chi is the car that travels to and stops at them

You could even think of chakras as wells the chinriver travels under that can be collected by the wells buckets. the process makes your aura more vibrant and visible

Aura could be what you'd consider the 'flash' of chi. Your spiritual energy given physical and visible form to others that cannot see them normally. But on its own this aura is still low flash.

Chakra points also tend to mix into your techniques powers or harmonize with whatever your trying to do by merging their powers with your chi. It's something we in the modern day use to help explain the powers we can get from chi.

Another thing that helps us is a method as old as chi manipulation itself

Even older L. It predates the 6 principals and the more ways we have to focus chakras and chi into techniques... The infamous kuji in... Or it should be familiar to you if you're serious about this class

Perhaps we should do another quick lesson on This. We are in an introductory class after all.

This class is the kuji in. Sometimes in chi you'll also see it be called the kuji kiri, this was a term usually coined by ninjas for there meditation.

This would be why many of the chi users are ninjas or ninjutsu knowledgeable in some way.

The kuji kiri are also sometimes called the 9 sacred cuts. It's very important for you to know what each of these 9 are. What each mantra stands for.

Rin for Strength

Pyō for Channel

Tō for Harmony

Sha for Healing

Kai for Sense of Danger

Jin for Reading of thoughts

Retsu for Control of space and time

Zai for Control of sky and elements

Zen for Enlightenment

The very first words ever truly used to control and dictate the energy of the soul. And with time, the healing hands mantra came from it as a way to increase the cuts that healed in some way. Each mantra has some effect of recovery of some kind within it.

Whether it be to and sha doing the back bone of physical and mental healing and balancing. Or kai and jin letting you sense the danger around or where it hurts the most for a patient, or channel the phantom purifying essences of the elements zai and zen filled enlightenment of zen. It was all channeled to a point by pyo and strengthened by rin.and retsu could slow down the injured bodies worsening condition All to work with the spiritual energy and chakras of not just the healer and healing patient,but by anyone who is willing to chip in. Proper/more refined chi manipulation would come later on as well the 5 chi principals. But the 9 sacred cuts meant to work with the 7 chakras and your own souls energy well was the most primal form of chi manipulation... Some might consider it the most pure air easiest to understand. Many ninja clan passed down the sacred cuts and some even tried to alter,add or improve on the sacred art for better results.

As it stands these 9 short mantras that make up the mantras of the healing hands that make up the backbone of chi as a whole are often used by starting chi practitioners as guiding points and stabilizers to keep unstable chi techniques from getting too dangerous. The words are so grounded and stable using them in mantras not from the original circle will actively stabilize a rookies chi techniques so hotshots or people with difficulties on the lesson don't hurt themselves or others.

What were looking at children is essentially the mother tongue of chi. The most important and oldest words and movements chi will ever have.

Hence why this mini lesson shouldn't have been needed.

Is that why you didn't even bring up the picture i got for this lesson

No it's supposed to be right... There...

Why don't we take a small break so me and professor s can see what's going on.

-----------------------10 minutes later-----------------

Alright class we're back and it looks like we hit a limit with our board. Only 10 pictures per lesson.

Totally bogus by the way.

But that's neither here nor there. We'll just simply paste a reminder lesson about the 9 hand signs after class. Let us move on for now to the final topic of our lesson... The 6 chi core principals.

Chi has existed far longer then we have recorded. But chi itself has a class of 6 core principals we began developing and further learning about after we learned about the kuji in and how to use it

Now because of that class we have 6 symbols to show you. One for each chi core principal. Let's get to it class because i know long lessons get you and your brains very tired

Specialization 

The principal of specialization involves the infusing of your chi or aura with a unique effects.great examples include giving your aura the effect of increasing recovery in yourself or others

Rather great pair up with the healing hands matras

There's also magnetizing something covered in your aura or making your aura as warm as a flame.

Do remember your aura itself doesn't actually change forms. Its effects will change but you cannot use specialization to make real fire or similar tangible elements. But this does not stop specialized auras from affecting fire or plants. Or even from producing light. It all comes down to changing the auras nature and effects on things

Manipulation

The symbol itself speaks for itself but to explain it a bit more the principal of manipulation allows the use of your chi to manipulate or control something that's got your chi in it.

Think of this being Like telekinesis or even puppeteering with strings. Do remember class People or objects with chi of their own will fight you if you try controlling them.

It's also very good at puppeting your own body if it's unable to on its own. Like if you had broken limbs or paralysis of some kind. That in itself is very taxing and requires precision and finesse

 seal and release 

Seal and release will be talked about a bit more next lesson but for now the basics on it are simple. Using your chi to seal or release something.

A big example of this principal is astral projection. Where one releases their spirit from there body or seals it back inside themselves again.

But the biggest seal and release principal examples are gofu. But that's the main subject of next lesson.

Enhancment

Now do keep in mind that despite conevntional ideas of use the principal of encanment is not just defined by strengthening a person. Even if that sounds and feels like the kost obvious use.

Enhancement can also be used on objects as well object. Any possible upgrade is possible. Something like softening skin or bolstering a piece of paper both count as enhancements.

If I'm not mistaken a lesson in enhancements for students at the school starfall academy of spiritual power uses pillows one sits on for meditation

You'd be correct.

Transmutation

The prinipal of transmuation is a simple and familar one. changing the qualities of your chi to match something else like becoming fire or electricity. It's still energy but has changed in a way

It's almost always energy related on it's own So don't go thinking you can make any item with one principal. You'll need another for that. It's a very important part to creating energy called mental chi and mystic chi.

Please do not confuse specialization and transmutation. They are separate in their own ways. But you need both principals for those power sources mr L mentioned. It'll be a second before we cover them.

conjuration

 And now class we finally reach the last principal of chi. The principal of conjuration.

This conjures up crystalized versions of whatever object you want. Might seem very weird of useless to the non knowing but spiritual energy is very in tune with crystals. Rock crystal,ice crystals.

Sugar crystals! And you can also imbue it and manipulate its qualities onxyour own for stronger crystals or more powerful effects.

every chi technique needs several of the core principals in some way shape or form. Not just the main one for them. But chi techniques have a main principal they use and ones that follow follow it(usually 1 or 2 additional principals). Even being upgraded by using the other not needed ones.

Let's give an example. If you mix conjuration, transmutation and specialization. What you get is the ability to turn chi into just about any item with enough practice.

tricks like that are not all this combination can do. Last month i lost my right arm and had heavy damage to the left. And with a lengthy healing process that resulted in about 2 days of constant sleep i awoke with a massive scar but my arm reattached.

When he says lengthy he means lengthy. The healer needed astral footholds and the chi of our professor here just to keep going. A lot of repeated Rin,pyo,sha and to.

They had to use conjuration to form not only new nerves but also to form rose quartz wands and eggs. A gemstone of healing in the form of a director and healer respectively.

Specialization made my aura and there's extra healer strong. Giving healing and purifying properties to both pur auras and purging the arm and body of whatever toxins that were still around.

The wands and eggs combined with pyo also gave much help in directing all energy to both our heart and solar plexus chakras. The 2 most healing chakras out of the 7. Solar plexus especially could.be considered a multiplier of energy.

Let me tell you that was a light show. 6 chakras shining brightly between the healer and the professor here. Yellows,greens,and red all mingle with that rose quartz pink and plue chi and white healing aura. The process was somewhat lengthy. Making new nerves or healing and reattaching damaged ones as possible is a process you don't want to skip if you want minimal nerve damage

My arms are fine now, but they are still some more movement therapy and my arms have some pains now. Looks like the body and soul still remember the loss of my right with how it hurts sometimes. The healer wasn't as experienced as I'd like so i was nervous he'd end up taking the final bang.

While this example was more detailed then i thought we'd get were officially out of time.

Ah yes class the lesson is done for today. We will tune in text week for a class on the gofu we kept talking about

[toaster-ay]

Alright folks. This is something I've wanted to talk about for a while now, but just now I decided to actually write it all down and hopefully make sense of myself.

Long ass ramble about BATIM and some lore from official books.

So far I've got my hands on two Bendy books, that is The Illusion of Living and Dreams come to life (I also have the Employee's Handbook but that one isn't lore important). I plan on getting the rest of the book in the future but let's look at these two for now.

The Illusion of Living is Joey Drew's memoir, written all by himself. In this book we get to know quite a lot about Joey, more or less his whole life.

We get to know that he comes from a family of shoe makers, that he lied about his age at 13 so he could join the war. Or that he likes to dress and look fancy long time before he actually is fancy, just because it makes him feel better and gives the illusion that he's someone important. We even get to know that he once joined a Detective when he was investigating murder. And that he can appreciate good art while also drawing slightly himself.

What I want to look deeper into though, is the way he and Henry met. Thanks to the game (and even fandom), most people assume they were best friends for a long time. That they would go to hell and back for each other. But that wasn't actually the case??

Joey and Henry met through a mutual friend, Abby Lambert, and he actually didn't like Henry at first. Joey didn't like the cartoon artstyle, which is what Henry mainly drew. So they didn't have anything in common.

That was until Joey got the idea for Joey Drew studios, and asked Abby for help to come up with the main character, since she could draw better than Joey. Well, Abby tried, but it didn't end up as they wanted. And then Abby took Henry for help and went to Joey together, and let me tell you, Joey actually wasn't really thrilled for Henry to come with her.

But, after a few tries, Henry was able to come up with the right design for Bendy. Joey and Henry decided to work together after that, but Henry left the studio not that long after. It's said that Abby started to work in the studio three years later, but it's also said that Abby and Henry never ended up working together. And Joey didn't really seem to care for Henry.

He acknowledges him, but isn't mad at him.

It's just so interesting, why is Joey so angry at Henry in game, if he didn't seem to actually care about him in the book? Could've been a mistake from the writer, or I don't know.

This is just something I've wanted to point out for a while, and I'm super open to starting a conversation with someone about this!

Now let's look at Dreams comes to life

This book is written from the point of view of Daniel Lewek, also known as 'Buddy', who is also the character that ends up being the Boris we all know and love in game.

I love how this book is written, since it's written after Buddy is corrupted by the ink, and he's slowly forgetting all of this, so he's writing it down so there's something left. So the truth is known.

Buddy is hired by Joey to be a delivery boy after a quick meeting when he's delivering him a new suit, but later gets promoted to an artist after Abby Lambert (who is now in the head of the Art Department) sees a drawing that Buddy's grampa actually did, but Buddy ends up lying, since being an animator is something he actually wants to do.

Buddy befriends Dot, who works in the Story telling Department, and she's a really noisy and sneaky character.

Now, something I think is interesting is that, Sammy Lawrence is probably the first character to get corrupted by the Ink machine. Buddy's first meeting with him actually traumatises him slightly, because Sammy jumps at him covered in ink after a pump bursts right above him. Throughout the book, Sammy is depicted to be really interested in ink, while also drinking some from the ink bottles.

Then Buddy has the luck to meet the Ink Demon himself, accidentally even letting him out from the room he was locked in.

And then, Sammy goes missing. That's when even Dot has the pleasure of meeting the Ink Demon, since she and Buddy went to the studio when it was shut down to see what other weird stuff they can find.

When we meet Sammy again, he's already The Prophet that we've seen in the game. And he even already made some sacrifices, Buddy and Dot (and Richie, Buddy's animation coworker) were meant to be part of them too but they were lucky enough to escape. But Buddy's coworker, Jacob, didn't. And when Buddy and Dot find him attached to the Ink machine cowered in ink (they are able to save him actually), they also find already dead bodies of Dave (another Buddy's coworker) and Norman Polk ("Of course no one would notice he was missing. Of everyone in the building. He watched everyone, but no one really saw him" – I'm sorry I had to add this, I absolutely love it)

Dot and Buddy end up having a small fight with the Ink Demon until they get rid of him. Or so they thought, because he ends up grabbing Buddy and pulling him into the ink with him.

When Buddy wakes up after, he's already in the body of Boris. Joey Drew standing above him, absolutely thrilled that they got a perfect cartoon after such a fail with Bendy.

Even if Dreams comes to life was mainly focused on Buddy, it feels like we've got so much lore for all the other characters. Joey shows how much of an asshole he can actually be. Norman shows up a few times, always unannounced and with some information no one else except him knows. Sammy and his grumpy ass that was slowly getting corrupted by ink. Hell, we even got Tom and Joey argument about the Ink machine (and Allison was with Tom!! Holding his hand!!).

These books are really worth reading, and I'm excited when I finally get my hands on the rest of the books.

Alas, that is the end of my ramble. If anyone read it all, here's a cookie for you 🍪

And I'm also super open to have a conversation with anyone about all of this!!

[fushitoru]

Hiii love! Just here to share some words of wisdom (or not, maybe it's just yapping, I'd like to think that my years on this earth has added some wisdom to this little brain of mine though LOL). If there's one thing I've learned as a creative soul, it's that life is too damned short to create art you don't want to create. If there are stories you're not vibing with that you previously thought you were going to want to write, then either entirely scrap them or put them on the backburner. Don't bend over backwards to please everyone, at the end of the day you're never going to please absolutely everyone and you're just going to burn yourself out. Write what you want to write, focus on the things that inspire you and feels like fun right now. Who knows? Maybe the inspiration for these other stories will come back and bite you at a later point too! But for now, do yourself the favour of writing what YOU want to write!! I can assure you that most people here will read whatever you write, and our work tends to be the best when it's something we're genuinely passionate about (speaking from experience here). I dabble with this thought process on a daily basis (lots of insecurities) in regards to one of my uhh let's just say "freelance" jobs and I've learned time and time again that people are there for me and not necessarily what I do. And what I do tends to be a lot better when I actually enjoy it! I obviously cannot tell you what to do and that's the wonderful thing about humans, we have free will! But please give yourself the grace to listen to what you want and I promise you all of us will follow right along with you (and those who cause a stink about it you don't really want around in the first place, I promise).<333 People are here because they like what YOU write, what YOUR brain comes up with and YOUR creative direction. If you want to move on to new stories and new characters, then you do that. You've got a brilliant mind and incredible writing capabilities, don't let the thoughts and opinions of strangers online (or irl for that matter) dictate what you should or shouldn't do. Anyways, these are just the ramblings of a (semi) old lady, take it for what you will. But hopefully they can bring a sense of comfort in whatever decision you decide on for yourself. Muuuuch love<333

HI POOKIE this actually made me so much more confident i really needed this :')

i lowk get soooo caught up in thinking and worrying about whether or not if something is going to be good / if people will enjoy something, and that's kind of prevented me from starting a lot of things bc i dont think they'll do well T-T

and bridgerton!gojo has done really well (for a small itty bitty blog like mine) so im really scared it'll be my peak, which is why im trying to hold onto bridgerton au so badly when in reality i dont think im as inspired about it for other men. like the bridgerton!gojo brainrot overtook me, which is why i started writing it.

tysm for this advice :') i think im going to start exploring what peaks my inspiration next ilysm <33

[araneitela]

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

Prompt: The salty munday meme // @resolutepath

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill? (Skip to paragraph 2 if you want the salt) I don't know if it would count as it being called 'losing my chill', but I get pretty Tinkerbell footstomp-y over specific issues. And as of late the whole 'women empowerment' has driven me absolutely up the wall as if I bit into 5 Jueyun Chilis and then smoked some crack during the moment of 'no brain' that came as a result. I've raged about it in DMs, I've also rambled about it twice over now in posts, and I guess I'm about to do it again here in some capacity. I think it's lasted long enough, this silence from the other side that counters the loud voices. Any society functions best when it practices the art of conversation, debate and discussion between those who disagree, but that seems like it got buried (hopefully only temporarily) by Tumblr numerous years ago, and instead we're now caught in an environment where people yell at each other, and then also make claims that some have 'no right to talk back about [topic in question]'. And I can only take so much of that. For starters, I already don't believe that the concept of people having 'no right to discuss about things' is good or healthy, because half of the experience of learning about things that are unfamiliar to you, is actively getting involved and informed about it (oh hey, I wonder who's at door; oh hello, art of conversation). Any way, I digress, but the amount of times that I see 'you're not a woman, so you can't talk about this', alright great— I'm a woman, so my voice counts when it comes to the topic of women, right? Great. So hear me: the opinion of the (female) masses blows. Sure, this whole concept of 'you have a right to your opinion' is great and I agree, but that doesn't mean that I can't call it the stupidest and most frustrating opinion that I've ever heard (and yes, you have the right to think the same of mine). God.

Any way, to the topic: sexualization of women and how apparently, cishet men are the ones responsible for it. Yeah, okay, and I'm Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, honk honk my bright red nose! Have you seen yourselves on X and Tumblr and wherever else? Sure, one can argue that HYV gave Kafka rather large breasts, sure, and you can condemn them for it, knock yourselves out. And you do, okay, great, and then, ladies, guess what I find scrolling through fanarts on any site? Kafka, drawn with the same large breasts IF. NOT. BIGGER. So okay, yeah, you can tell me these may be men, alright, so then what's your counter to me when I see in the bios of these artists, that they're women or female-identifying? Hmm? Go ahead, I'll wait, I'll be patient. Honestly, I need you to take your accusatory little fingers and point them at yourselves, because a huge part of this problem? Lies with you. Do you need me to say it again? It lies with you. But hey, at least you're consistent, for you don't sexualize just women, you also sexualize the hell out of men.

It's the same in RP in so many cases. There's so many complaints about 'my female muse gets no attention' combined with 'I can't believe I'm only approached for ships', I'm sorry, hold up— what are those shipping memes I see reblogged? The NSFW-tinted ones? What are these suggestive memes in my inbox? And again, it's not just female muses. Because that's the part of the problem that I think people aren't looking at: the exact same is done with male muses, except for some reason, women have a hard-on for M/M ships in writing, and graphical art, as much as we say that men have a thing for F/F porn. But it's okay, we'll condemn one and forgive the other, because one of those objectifies women. Yep, I got it. As a fellow woman, I'm here to say that you're doing good, girls, keep up the sisterhood, I'm proud of you.

... I lied, it makes me lose my damn chill.

[nicodrawings]

Hi! I’m a somewhat new follower, and I loved your milesganke art so much!

I wanted to ask for your own potential headcanons regarding the miles and ganke’s relationship dynamics.

(I.e. marriage, any arguments, what they’re like living together,…. possible future kids👀, etc.)

Lol hopefully this question isn’t confusing.😭

AAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY YOU ASKED!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok Imma type the rest cuz my hand is getting tired

-Miles and 20 and Ganke is 19 when they move out. Ganke and Miles see their families once a week.

-I’ve said this before but Miles doesn’t go to college. He trains under Misty Knight and works with S.H.E.I.L.D more as he’s learning more about detective work (and is lowkey preparing to take over as the the new Spider-Man leader once Peter retires)

-Ganke is going to school for tech shit but eventually changes is major to social work (there’s a huge reason for this that I’ll get into in another post)

-They end up adopting a black cat that was called Midnight at the shelter but never really responded to the name. The people working at the shelter said “looks like she chose you” seeing how well she bonded with Ganke immediately. He renamed her CoCo. She’s a sweet girl, a little weird though.

-They aren’t super PDA with each other but much like how Peter and MJ are in my AU (who also aren’t super PDA) you could hear a conversation they’d have with each other and be like “oh! They really care for each other”

-they switch chores and household responsibilities depending on work and school scheduling

-They can both be workaholics AND night owls so they constantly have to hold each other accountable for yknow…resting.

-they make a specific day out of the week where they both do nothing having to do with school or work. They just sleep in and have a slow morning and watch Burn Notice all day and talk about nothing and anything all at once.

-They’re both not screamers when they argue but can throw some hurtful words around that they regret saying once they cool down. Also Ganke can be dismissive when he’s irritated or angry. Something they learn to work on overtime.

-Big spoon/Little spoon is interchangeable depending on how they sleepin that day.

-Miles is the better cook. He like cooks well without even trying. It infuriates Ganke but he can’t be too mad cuz he gets to eat the food.

-It would be 5 years before Miles pops the big question.

-Miles is a giant sap who knew he was gonna marry Ganke the moment they started dating.

-He would propose at the park. He proposed there because that’s where they would have playdates when they were kids.

-Ganke just laughs because he planned on proposing to him a week later. He obviously says yes.

-The wedding isn’t big. They make sure to save a seat for Gankes dad. He put a framed picture on his chair to represent his attendance.

-They do the same for Uncle Aaron despite him and Miles’s tumultuous relationship.

-Hobie is the best man

-Gwen is the maid of honor

-It would be about 3 years or so before they meet 2 super powered little ones, a boy and a girl. They’re fraternal twins. They end up adopting the twins.

This is it for now. I’m sure there’s more stuff my brain can’t think of right now. BUT THANK YOU THOUGH FOR BEING INVESTED ENOUGH TO ASK ME QUESTIONS YOU DONT KNOW HOW HAPPY IT MADE ME TO SEE YOU ASK THIS QUESTION!

I actually have so much set up plot wise for this AU that I might as well do it legitimately. But imma take my time if I do.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my ramblings!

UPDATE: I meant to say that Miles is NOT out to his parents.

[fivenightsatfreddysfanfiction]

Reflections

Despite everything, it's still him....

Setting: Pre-Ruin

---------------------

Time: ??? Hurricane, Utah

.

When Damien entered the room, it was to see Mike Schmidt sitting quietly in his favorite armchair, his gaze on his right hand as he slowly flexed it open and closed. A faint shimmer of blue mist revealed itself briefly before fading from view again. Damien watched it fade before looking up at the old man’s expression. Impassive as ever, Mike took ‘guarded’ to an art level after a lifetime of having to defend against all sorts of monsters in the dark.

“You wanted to see me, Old Man?” Damien greeted cautiously. Everyone was still recovering from what had happened deep underground in that animatronic manufacturing facility. There was still a sense of unease about everything the group had found down there, including the two mercenaries that butted heads with Mike and Jeremy long ago. Their Remnant had been released after some deal-making with one of the spirits bound to Meera’s knife, vanishing and hopefully sent somewhere they wouldn’t cause trouble.

But Mike had stood apart from the group, staring up at the machine that had been displaying their images alongside generations of animatronics designed and built by the Aftons to hunt each of them down and collect data from them. His own photo had been up there with the original Fazband, but the display that projected Remnant sample data for a few of the others remained blank for him. Mike’s countering and evading the animatronics had been too good, honed for years and aided with 6 returning his old skills from ghost possession.

Far as Damien cared, it was best that way. If Elizabeth Afton was trying to reassemble William Afton’s soul by feeding it the Remnant of the Guards, then giving him any part of the Strength to Survive or the Warmth of Life would have been seriously bad news.

“Yeah, thinkin’ of giving this shit back,” Mike remarked, twirling his fingers so the mist would rise up again, shimmering blue against his skin. Damien furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“Give back Six? He’s your Remnant, not mine,” he pointed out warily. “You infused that taser of yours with it, gave it your intent and will; that’s basically the closest to a copy of you as a ghost while you’re still alive as we can get.” Damien gestured at Mike’s hand. “I just borrowed him for a while when I found him, same as Seven for Jeremy. You’re meant to keep him until the end of your days.”

“The Strength to Survive..,” Mike sighed tiredly, gazing down at the blue mist winding around his fingers and wrist, “All I do is survive when I just wanna live. And this thing’ll make me just keep survivin’, huh? Cuz that’s all it knows to do, make sure I survive whatever shit gets thrown at me.” He scowled up at the television nearby, some soap opera playing that didn’t mean anything to either of them. Damien rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Well, that’s kinda what you’re known for, but that doesn’t really tell me why you wanna pass Six on to-,” he rambled.

“Cuz I’m old, I’m tired, and I’m done with this shit,” Mike bit out, eyes flinty behind the sheen of his glasses. “I just wanna live out my days with Doll, and I wanna rest with her when that time comes.” He lifted his hand, now fully enveloped with the blue flame of Remnant that was indicative of 6. “This? It’s gonna keep me going long after her, whether I want it or not,” he growled, “I’m no Afton; I don’t wanna end up some shell of a man trapped in a hell of my own makin’ just cuz death is comin’.”

Damien stilled, eyebrows rising as quiet realization passed over him. “Six was made from the curse inflicted on you at Freddy’s,” he breathed out in soft horror, chocolate brown eyes flickering emerald green for the briefest of moments. “Rejecting death, enduring and ensuring you survive anything, doing everything possible to keep you alive, those were your emotions back then, and Six is using all that to basically make you.. immortal? Long-lived?” He looked at his own hands. “You wanna be able to die like everyone else one day, and all the bullshittery at Freddy’s is still affecting you, keeping you bound here.”

Mike just threw him a finger-gun, mock firing a shot with a sardonic grin.

Silence stretched between them and eventually Mike sighed again, an aggravated sound as he got to his feet and winced at the popping of his knees and shoulders. He stretched to loosen up then approached the still somber man looking guilty in his doorway. “Despite all the Fazfuckery, I managed to get a good life outta this,” Mike told Damien quietly, “Lost my childhood, struggled growin’ up, but I met Doll.. I met Jeremy.. I helped set my old friends free. Got married, had a kid, walked her down the aisle to her wife; I lived a good life.” He gestured with his flame-wrapped hand idly. “And I wanna be able to rest with Doll with those memories. My part in this is done and I’m not gettin’ any younger. Dealing with Afton and his shit, ‘fraid that’s gonna be on you guys.”

Damien looked up at him finally, blinking rapidly. He sniffed, rubbing at his nose. “You, uh.. you talked to anyone else about this?” he asked, “Cuz what you’re saying, what you’re asking....”

“I’ll let ‘em know in due time,” Mike told him firmly, “My choice. You gonna take Six back or am I gonna have to attach it to something myself?”

“No, no, I’ve got it!” Damien replied quickly, eyes wide as he held out his hands cupped together, “I’ll look after him.” He frowned a bit, looking up at Mike again with green eyes as the older man watched the blue flame withdraw from his body, streams of mist pulling away and pooling into a sphere over his palm. “Thing is, you’ve been around a lot of Remnant, been cursed and uncursed and cursed again,” Damien pointed out in a low voice, “The missing kids, me, Vincent; we’ve all been through that and reincarnated. There’s a good chance it could happen to you, too, and Six will want to go back to you.”

“I don’t go anywhere without Doll now,” Mike replied flatly, “Life, death, all fuckery unless I’m there with her. Reincarnation ain’t shit; I’m not going through it.” He dropped the ball of Remnant into Damien’s hands, then shrugged as he shook off his hand of the last dregs of mist. “But if it happens, I’m gonna do my damnedest to stay outta Afton’s radar. Be pissed as fuck about it, but if I keep my head down maybe it’ll keep my Remnant from stickin’ to the world a second time. Hell if I know.”

“Got a point there. We don’t know if we can reincarnate more than once,” Damien mused aloud, allowing the grief-bound Remnant to flow into himself, a faint number ‘6’ appearing on the back of his right hand before fading from sight. “I hope you have a good rest of your life with your family, Mr. Schmidt,” he murmured with a sad smile, “And I’m sorry for getting you involved in all of this again.”

“The fuck you apologizin’ for? You were doin’ your job, I was doin’ mine, don’t say sorry for doin’ yer job!” Mike grouched and waved him off as he headed for the television to change the channel, “Lemme enjoy my retirement! Too old for this bullshit....”

Damien just smiled more warmly at the old man before leaving. The others were going to have a meeting about what to do with all the information and equipment they managed to grab from the facility. Somewhere in all that there should be some clues as to Afton’s next plan. Surely she wouldn’t have given up on trying to resurrect her daughter and William Afton, right?

Within the year, Mike and Doll got their wish and laid to rest one final time, together.

.

--------------------------------

.

Present Day

Damien felt his eye twitch and his hand itch as he stared down at Gregory’s newest creation in the workshop. “I’m all for creative uses of the leftovers in Jeremy’s shop but, uh,” he began and swirled a finger over the amalgamation of scrap parts while Gregory beamed up at him, “what the hell is this?”

“It’s a laser blaster arm for Freddy!” the boy declared proudly, folding his arms over his chest as Jeremy walked into the workshop with a puzzled squint, “One of my many planned upgrades for him. Pretty cool huh?”

“Have either of you seen my pen laser? Helpy got himself tangled up in some cabling and trying to pull any part of it makes him scream murder. Figured it’d be easier to just cut him out of it,” the older man said in lieu of a greeting. Damien looked up at him, then down at the ‘upgrade’ and Gregory’s attempt at looking innocent, widening his eyes and pursing his lips.

“Tools don’t count as leftover scraps,” he stated flatly, mildly amused at the facade dropping quickly into a scowl on Gregory’s face.

“I was only borrowing it for a demonstration!” Gregory quickly rebuked but disconnected the tool and set it out for Jeremy to collect.

“Ask before borrowing,” Jeremy lectured before walking off to untangle the Securi-Toy. Damien and Gregory watched him leave the shop before looking back at each other over the disarmed arm.

“So.. why, exactly, are you making a gun for Freddy?” Damien asked warily. Clearly those mercenaries were being a bad influence on him somehow. Alex harboring some strange rivalry with Jeremy over software must be rubbing off or something.

“Cuz when we break into the Pizzaplex again to get the programming chips from the other Glamrocks I want Freddy to be able to stun them for me and keep them stunned while I get the chips out,” Gregory replied in a matter-of-fact tone. Damien narrowed his eyes at the boy.

“Who said you were going back in there?” he argued, “If anything, us Guards should be the ones to go in and see what information we can find about what the Aftons are up to. Since we couldn’t confirm her death, we’ll have to assume Elizabeth is still alive and still planning to resurrect her family.” Gregory scoffed at him.

“Not in that wreckage, she ain’t,” he pointed out, folding his arms over his chest again, “You guys might have been running around in the Pizzaplex atrium and lobby, but I’m the one who set the foundation on fire and fucked up that sinkhole enough to bring the place down.”

“Bravo, you want a cookie for that?” Damien drawled, clapping his hands sarcastically before resting his hands on his hips, a concerned frown on his face. “Look, you’re a kid who went through hell once already. It’d be better if you just stayed out of this and lived a regular life. Or as regular as you can get with that family you managed to pull together....”

“No way, not until I get Freddy’s friends back and fix them!” Gregory shot back, glaring up at him, “I wrecked them and now I wanna save them.”

It was a noble idea, but also a pretty stupid one. The risks attached to trying to pull the A.I. from those animatronics were high, especially with the knowledge that Gregory was the person Elizabeth Afton had intended to use as a new body for William Afton. Putting him anywhere near the Pizzaplex could be disastrous. Damien pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling a headache coming on.

“Have you thought about how those animatronics might react to you, with them aware that you’re the one who wrecked them?” he asked carefully. Surely he thought this through, right? Gregory’s slightly guilty expression was a bit reassuring. “That’s not something you can just take out of their memories. That’ll leave gaps in them and they won’t understand why you took them from where they’re supposed to be, from their view.”

“I could say sorry for shattering them?” Gregory replied weakly, wringing his fingers together, “And I wouldn’t take those memories! I mean, I lost so much of mine, so.. I wouldn’t wanna do that to them.”

Damien sighed in sympathy. This kid.... “Why are you so hellbent on getting those animatronics’ chips? They were built to capture kids like you and hand them over to Afton to die in her plans,” he asked genuinely. This was kind of baffling; the only other animatronic that anyone went to lengths to retrieve was Circus Baby, and that was because Meera had dedicated her life to completing her grandmother’s mission to retrieve her brother’s soul, a digitized version of it that ended up inside Circus Baby as her A.I. system. With Digital Lucian secured, she then turned her attention to taking down the other copy of him, the malevolent Master File that had vanished with Elizabeth Afton in the Pizzaplex.

Glamrock Freddy also had a spirit possessing him serving as his A.I., his sentience and ‘soul’; Michael Henry Afton, Meera’s benefactor for the pizzeria trap that was intended to destroy the collection of haunted animatronics and put an end to Emelia and William Afton’s schemes to gather Remnant for themselves.

But the rest of the Glamrock band, Chica, Roxy, and Monty, didn’t have any indications of being possessed by spirits. They were just machines, so what was the point?

“It’s not their fault,” Gregory muttered, glaring at the floor as his hands tightened into fists. “I was pissed at them for trying to get me that night, yeah. Who wouldn’t be pissed that a bunch of robotic assholes keep trying to jump ‘em till 6AM? ..But Freddy said they were originally programmed to just entertain people, do their thing like Circus Baby does, and the way they were acting wasn’t normal for them. So, it must be something Afton did to them.. like what she wanted to do to me and Vanessa.” His expression was frustrated, ruddy cheeks scrunched up as his eyes watered, and Damien felt his gut twist even as twinges of familiarity prodded at his memory.

“And if you guys made all that effort to save me, you and Freddy and Vanessa, then it’s only fair that I try my damnedest to get back into that hellsite and save Freddy’s old friends from Afton too!” Gregory declared at last, turning a fierce expression up at Damien, “To hell with keeping my head down and just living like nothing happened! I’m not gonna rest until I help bring down Afton and Fazbear Entertainment for good! So all of us can be free and not worry about kids disappearing and getting turned into Remnant A.I. or eaten up by that burnt up rabbit thing!”

Damien’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. Okay, the kid had a hell of a conviction. Maybe he actually could handle the supernatural bullshit going on with that company?

“I guess if you’re going in with all of us, it might be okay,” he finally relented cautiously, “You already proved you could survive six hours in a Fazbear pizzeria; gotta be tough to do that.” Gregory muttered something under his breath and Damien narrowed his eyes. “What was that?” he asked.

“Nothin’~!” Gregory chimed in response, beaming up at him with saccharine smiles.

For some reason, Damien could almost see a sardonic grin reflected in the boy’s expression. But then the moment passed when Gregory asked to borrow his staff for another upgrade experiment.

“No! For the last time, we’re not weaponizing Freddy Fazbear! Stop playing those old retro games; they’re giving you stupid ideas!”

[violetsvisions77]

The Return

What has it been, like 15 years since I’ve last posted on Tumblr AND painted!?

Whack…

I can’t say I know this platform that much anymore, and I’m due for a refresh (or crash course, all them veteran Tumblrers share your wisdom to fill me in if I’ve missed much).

Ngl. Writing this makes me feel old, I’m 34 by the way (since we’re doing introductions now?). I guess that is old in internet years. I know the zoomers think I’m a living relic, anyway.

Hey I survived Y2K, Ebola and really traumatically cruel 90’s Christian school teachers (IYKYK)

Anywho.

Where have I been these last 15 years?

Other than opening and then closing a business during the pandemic and nursing that wound, I think my last profile/posts (that no longer exist, hopefully) involved my broken engagement, that then turned into a bro-code breaking wet dream dating the best friend for 5 more years, that I’m still getting therapy for today. Love

Yeah. Love the whimsy of betrayal, lies and dudes manipulating naive hopeless romantic girls, who desperately needed confidence way more dick.

Oh… welcome to my tumblr 🥴😉

You’ll see a lot of rage-induced, ADHD fueled ramblings here with lots of other colorful sprinklings catapulted into the mix (y’know, kinda how the name Technicolor Ramblings implies). Not colorful how you think tho. Literally I’m an indigenous hairdresser and artist: Tater-baters and red hat brigaders leave wake (in fact take that lil Mayflower ass back on that sailing the ocean blue bullshit outta here and hope the killer whales getchu along the way too)

Anyway. Where were we?

Oh yeah, my hummingbird painting. Because like, that’s here so let’s talk about that instead of your daily dose of post-pandemic rantings and landback diatribes…

Right, so, this painting that’s not finished yet. It’s a Walela (Hummingbird in Cherokee. Yes I’m Tsalagi). The flowers all have meaning I’ll speak of later, but in short my life, more or less, has been saved by birds. My body has tried to kill me so many times, but picking up the simple hobby (should be something we all do, btw) of feeding birds and nectar-feeders has honestly saved my life and refocused my depresso messo of a fucked up mind.

My ancestors reminded me that I was here to be a steward. I have gifts. Feeding the birds and punishing the squirrels with spicy bird feed when they knock my cardinals off the feeder was my path in life (fr can we talk about what antagonistic little bitches squirrels can be?) Just joking… I’m indigenous, I love all animals and those lil fuckers do make me chuckle from time to time…

Lmao, okay okay, back to my sad sap story-turned influencer Tedtalk blog:

(Fr tho) I almost forgot myself, but the birds reminded me. I’m compassionate, I’m vibrant, I’m a work of art. I’m also crazy- like legit can’t keep my train of thought worth of shit, whatever the hell that means… (for laymen’s terms; I’m a bird brain)… but I’m me. An air sign, and an observer of nature, an indigenous woman who hails from descendants of Anitsiskwa (bird clan). Birds show me who I am. Weird little shits, but beautiful and so very valuable to our ecosystem. Each have their unique call(ing), colors, and purpose in this world.

And to be real, we waste so much of our own air chasing ideas of ourselves that’s based off others. We spoil so much of our own magic when we don’t love ourselves enough to foster the gifts we were given, that is MEANT to be shared

Magic. Yeah, Harry ain’t the only wizard here.

We each have our own rizz, y’all.

Mine is to feel, create and share, like many artists. That’s why it’s a blessing I can paint this Walela after a 15 year art hiatus. It’s my gift to share from the magic I contain.

Our experiences are meant to be the wisdom we learn from.

Our experiences were meant to heal.

And the experiences we foster into gifts of wisdom and art, are how we heal ourselves and others. It’s all tied together.

I feel like I haven’t always been good at that, using my experiences and turning into gifts to share. But with enough conviction, life is about second and third chances. So… with limited resources from our broken bird brain, we’re off into the races, my friends. I’m here to find, foster and share my colorful, weird and flighty magic again.

So without further ado as the Tumblr curtains open once again: I hope, if you done did the stumbler upon my Tumblr, you enjoy my own personal magic ✨

(It’s batshit crazy)

🥴😘

[derpygirl-draws]

Just watched Nimona! Spoilers because I need to ramble!

Dudes just gonna say the obvious! Its an amazing movie and I love it so much! To me, and many others in the lgbtq+ community, it’s the perfect representation. I’d like to say its like a love letter to the community, but i don’t know many love letters that bring up the negatives and struggles that the person or group receiving it goes through. It definitely feels like a gift though. A gift I am overjoyed to know exists and so many people are able to watch it. Not just people in the community, but anyone who has Netflix or a friend that has it! Because it brings up struggles that minorities have that are inflicted on them by society, and it’s done in SUCH a perfect way. Warning my rambles might be all all over the place and maybe a little over dramatic lol

I’m a little tired brained cause I decided to watch it late at night but honest to god this movie made me cry. you don’t know me personally but I don’t cry a lot during movies, unless its a pixar film but those guys are masters when it comes to making you love a set of characters and then lets the story pull at your heart strings so i don’t wanna hear it XD. I immediately fell in love with the art and designs once I saw clips of the movie online, but I gotta say, the character writing with Nimona and Ballister had me grinning ear to ear each and every time I witnessed it. Their dynamic that is created the moment they meet to the middle of the movie and then at the end was my favorite part. The ending was the part that hurt a lot. When Nimona was hurt by her best friend and left as her anger exploded and she basically gave up on the world.  That hurt. A lot. Because I know there are so many people in the world that don’t have someone like Ballister in their life. Someone who does their best to understand them and be there for them, to have empathy and work past their own personal biases for the sake of that person, and recognize when their words have hurt that person and rectify that mistake. Or maybe people do have someone like but that person or people dont make it in time to save them, like what if Ballister didn’t make it to the tip of that sword to save Nimona from herself.  I personally relate to ballister in a way. I can’t say I was ever taught when I was little what even gay or trans were because i was and still am a little sheltered and have to educate myself on topics I wasn’t exposed to growing up that prolly would have helped to know. Though I am a little glad I had complete control on learning about the community on my own instead of what my parents unfortunately might have fed to me if it came up when i was little. I am not trans myself, as far as I know. When i was first introduced to the community when i was about 12, I was confused and didn’t know how to process such a new concept in my life but maintained a point to try and be respectful of my friends who were trans or gay or had any part in the community. In doing so I discovered that I was queer as well. I since have grown to understand the different aspects of the community and actively research when I learn about something new. I have a platonic partner that is a huge part of my life and I have aer to thank for a lot of my development as a person. I related to Ballister because I want to understand, I see these people in the community and I want to be that person they can find safety and comfort with, someone they can relate to and that I can relate to and also learn from. I want to defend and protect them like how Ballister did with Nimona. I think this is the perfect movie for right now on a political standpoint admittedly, though I’m only educated on the subject minorly so I’m going to try and explain the comparison with how the movie is set up and hopefully it’ll makes sense and i dont sound dumb. Nimona is highly implied to represent the trans community as I see it. When she describes to Ballister what shifting is like for her, she says its freeing and she feels like herself, not just what the world wants her to be. She has fun shifting and changing her looks and when she isn’t shifted, she doesn’t feel alive. Of course this can be taken from the basic lesson of ‘Be yourself’ but the unfortunate circumstance presented in the movie is that when Nimona is herself, the world around her goes into an uproar of screams of fear and hatred. 

This city is shut out from the rest of the world and their main belief, as its been for centuries, is that Monsters are dangerous, and the Knights of the City will save the people from these Monsters.  Children in this city are raised on this belief that they are a hero if they stand up against what society deems a monster and slain those monster for the good of the city. But when in reality, the story they are taught wasn’t what they thought. I do love the representation with Ambrosius and Ballister because it feels so normal. So natural and interesting. Admittedly I got frustrated with Ambrosius because he seemed to really believe Ballister aimed to kill the queen. But then when I see the blatant manipulation of the Director that doesn’t just affect Ambrosius, but everyone. She sees a threat to the ‘traditional’ way of life and aims to stamp it out no matter what, refusing to see reason and a different perspective from what she and so many other people were raised on. And okay, I know i’ve been saying a lot of the word perfect when describing this movie, but as it is in many cases, its not perfect. I have my own critiques on the movie itself but there are certain aspects in it that i’d describe as very close to perfect as ive mentioned. It’s charming overall and when it really counts, it is beautiful. I’m a sucker for expressions and fun poses and movements and designs that stick out and good dialogue. This movie did a pretty good job at those things, all things considered. But I do wish the people working on it had gotten a chance to really flesh out the world and the backstories and motivations. I love Nimona as a character, I definitely wanna read the graphic novel that led to this movie so I can see more of her! I was worried about how she was presented at the beginning of the movie. it seems like something people in the real world can see as an argument against people like Nimona. That her chaotic and seemingly violent tendencies would of course make the people around her fear her and that she either isn’t good representations, or that to some people, this is exactly how they see the community nimona represents. But then in watching the movie as a whole, if people took even a second to think about it, they’d see that Nimona had no choice. What she is, as she says it, is Nimona. She is a shape shifter that can turn into a variety of thing and people don’t like that. Ballister when meeting her has moments of requesting she turn into something that makes him more comfortable. He asks questions and shares viewpoints that are rather insensitive to Nimona and she rightfully describes him as close minded. This close minded-ness is a reflection of the city Ballister was raised in and also a reference to people irl who don’t accept communities that are different. and then as the movie progresses, we see Ballister become more accepting of Nimona and who she is and that Nimona is different, yes, but also loyal, caring, and sticks by him and his goals, mostly and that’s a lot more than Ballister can say about the people to turned against him in an instant at the beginning of the movie. This feels like a video essay script I’m writing and admittingly I thought it a good way to maybe revive my youtube channel, but im already a busy bee and i wouldn’t want a video like that to be posted months up to a year after the release of the movie so im posting my thought here. I’d love to hear what you guys have to say so please, comment, send me a note or dm and we can chat (as long as we agree we can be respectful individuals if and when there’s a difference in perspective). Have a good night/day everyone and I hope you enjoyed my ramble, even though it was kind of a “way to state the obvious” kind of ramble. lol. 

[nyx-fey]

Uhhhhhhhhhh hi! hello! I'm Nyx! Welcome, and thanks for stopping by (the odd crab seems to be happy)

So uh, I recently got motivated to start posting more about my fanfictions/weird art here.

I'll be starting a more dedicated side blog soon, (one that's pretty much all robots since that what I'm obsessed with rn) and it will definitely be nsft, since I'm trying to keep everything sfw on main. So look out for that if you are only here because I've started writing about spike.

(I will talk about transformers here too, I've got a bunch of fic ideas in the works, I'm just bad about finishing them. Other than that it's mostly obscure lore and speculative biology; and also uh, about having read through like 3/4ths of the AO3 collection. It's just got a lot to compete with on main)

I'm still planning to use my main for weird insomniac rambling, and cryptid hunting, and transformers fandom- also just the rare reference to actually being a human and not like. a weird squid. (One can dream 😮‍💨)

This blog is, for the most part, SFW. But there are some exceptions. My fossilized friend may not curse, but I do. I also talk about doing adult things like drinking and eating weed. I am not excessive about it, but I'm not trying to hide it either. So if that is something you want to avoid this this is not the blog for you.

(Mostly I use sfw/nsft when talking about excessive-gore type horror, or explicit sexual material which will both get dedicated blogs with specialized 18+ only warnings. I will not be putting content of either type on my main.)

Main is definitely the best place to learn about how far along any of my projects are coming though. And I will put them here if they are sfw.

So uh, besides that, this is also the place where I primarily simp for Eldritch horrors beyond moral comprehension; pretend to be a cambrian era plectronoceras, because it makes me happy; talk about being pagan; reblog whatever cool things I find scrolling Tumblr with zero rhyme or reason; talk about my hyperfixations; be unapologetically gay; build real life robots; and garbagepost (idk the right word) at three in the morning when I can't sleep.

Use the ask box to interact with the squid guy! He wants to be friends with you 💚🐙🐚

(that's all I'm using the ask box for ATM, it brings me joy)

--LINKS--

My Twitter: Coming soon!

My AO3: Coming soon!

My Transformers side blog: Coming soon!

-------------------------------------------------------

Origin of my profile pic art:

(I'll be replacing it soon though)

--About the ask box--

I will almost always be in character when answering the ask box, but that won't stop me from talking about whatever fanfiction or art I happen to be working on. (Or getting really excided about The Transformers)

Asks can range from anything regarding my creative works, discussions about fandoms, questions about the mollusk, asking about other things I'm interested in, to just giving the Squid-wizard a cool rock you found.

Since you can only have one(?) Pinned post, ask box rules will be tagged with #ask box rules please look it up before asking. (I'm sorry I know that's clunky, I'll re-type it up here soon)

--Navigation--

#3 am nonsense | absolute random garbage hopefully still fun though

#writing / #fanfiction | talking about how my writting is going or fanfiction culture

#how do drawing tablets work? | A genuine question, and also where I talk about any of my drawing ideas

#im only putting this here because i don't know where else to put it | Here as in here on Tumblr, also garbageposting but it's about real life mostly- I'm still keeping it vague because that's how I prefer it.

#eldritch horrors that give me warm fuzzy feelings | exactly what it says. Mostly Lovecraft focused. (He was beyond a terrible person- but he's dead now and I can put Cthulhu in a dress if I want to spite him.)

#uerrgh... art | things that I've drawn and posted here

#wow i actually wrote something | for when I actually finish a writting project as post it here

#video games i like | Talking about video games

#transformers / #macadams | Transformers focused posts and my current obsession

#really cool art i found / #i loved reading this | the general tags I use for stuff that's not mine but that I also really liked

#is that a cambrian-era plectronoceras? | Ask box answers, interact with squid guy

#thats right nyx is a furry | I really am! Nyx Fey has been my fursona name for years- before I decided that Nyx would just be my preferred name when online. I will also probably make a side blog about this too!

There are others but none of them are really dedicated enough to put here, I will update later if I need to. Especially as I make side blogs to try and organize things better.

I'm still relearning Tumblr so please be a little patient with me thank you 💚

[uncanny-tranny]

For transexual Thursday;

Transitioning made me want to live, i struggled with suicide since i was VERY small and i couldn't imagine me having a future. But after a almost if not fully 2 years on t and about almost 4 months after top surgery i can finally feel at peace.

It feels like i belong in this body, that i was destined to form it like clay, my little art project just ment for me and my enjoyment.

I can finally see myself in the mirror and cry in happiness instead of pain, feeling like "yes i am attractive i deserve to love myself and think my body and i are great".

After years of struggle my soul,mind,brain and body are in unity, still separately due to trauma and how i see the word due to different things, but now all are working together instead of tearing each other down.

I love being trans and how complex my identity is due to my experience, culture and autism, it is so much fun finding things that put my feelings in words, discovering more and more who i am, now that I'm at peace with my body.

I love the scars on my chest and that their not picture perfect prettiness telling a story on their own. When i feel down and insecure i look at them and take care of them as a sign to my body that i love it and that I'm so grateful how far it went how much it fought even tho i wished so many times that it just gave up. Within it i wouldn't be able to finally know and feel happiness to know how it feels like to be alive and not survive not knowing if the next day is my last.

Transitioning saved my live and teached me how wonderful live can be.

And while i still fear for my live due to the political climate i am no longer afraid to die if i know i can die as the person i always was. I will fight for my right to know happiness and use the strength i have gathered to fight for other trans people because no one deserve to feel like i did in the past.

That hopefully they also can feel the joy of being trans and how wonderful it can be.

(sorry if it came of as rambling i have the tendency to do that)

Sculpting who you are, to throw yourself on the pottery wheel and, with careful, loving hands, making who you are is such a monumental moment. It's the single-best thing about being able to become, I think

[deepestvoidsalad]

Bit of a vent post. Might delete in a bit

Medical stuff and mostly me rambling out thoughts. Might be a bit long.

Been real sick lately, worse then normal.

Incredibly thankful to everyone whos listened to me ramble about it this past bit and helped me get to and from my new appointments, and I wish I could do more to thank them cause ive really needed it and they deserve a lot more thanks then I feel I can give.

Especially my partner whos looking after me way more inbetween their own appointments, medical issues and other problems. But like I want to be able to be there for everyone else as well. Not just be the one receiving help and support. It doesn't feel fair to me and I want to help.

New medicines kinda kicking my ass tho (theyve got me on like 6 of them :0) so i dont know how long ill be up but im trying to learn queuing so I can stop appearing like once every few weeks to a month, spaming a few posts and vanishing lol. Think ive got it mostly figured out now.

Just trying to stay positive as much as I can, even if im a bit worried. Hard to accept that these issues may have gotten worse and there may even be new problems? Maybe just old ones that they never found and are finally bad enough to be taken seriously. Idk. I have doctors to help me now at least.

I just so desperately want to get back to writing and doing art again. But what little energy I have is like playing totk with my partner and attempting to look after myself and the house. Thats all I can really manage at this point, and its not that much when I can keep up with it. I often can't. Even traveling to appointments is incredibly difficult, and they are all in town still. Dont know what ill do if I have to go out of town, best not to think about it right now.

I probably should have known this health scare was coming because the bad flare was lasting a lot longer then it normally does and in hindsight, I felt the medication seemingly not doing as much, but live and learn I suppose. I'll know to keep an eye on it for next time. Hopefully things get better soon, hopefully this is it and there won't be a next time. The new meds are promising at least.