#right before covid hit
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My birthday is coming up, and every year for my birthday* I try to make a thing just because I want to but this year I am not sure what I want to make. Like, zero ideas. Well, I mean I always have ideas, but none that appeal more than others? I'm not sure if I should ask for suggestions or just make a series of polls leading up to my birthday to narrow it down, what do you think? *within a few weeks of my birthday, I am bad at time
#the person behind the yarn#got sidetracked and vented about stress in the tags feel free to skip none of it is relevant to this post#lotta stressors this time of year#and this year has more than usual with multiple significant anniversaries#plus work stress and getting an MRI this week#I'm hoping after the MRI is done my stress level goes down#but there's another hurricane forming and I am a bit concerned about that#it's not supposed to come north but neither was the other one#and even if it doesn't come north it's going to hit where my grandma lives#idk. my older brother has a birthday not too long after mine#and wants to do a joint birthday thing somewhere#but I have no idea what to do. it would have to be outside because he 'doesn't believe in covid' and while I could probably get him to mask#his kids wouldn't (they are too little) and I am stressed about that#I am honestly not a fan of my birthday. I got sick with the thing that disabled me right before I turned 18#and my family always wants to get together for my birthday but historically are not good at respecting my boundaries#around my birthday and I have walked out of more than one of my own birthday parties#anyway! lotta stress!#going to keep making baby blankets and try not to think about it until at least after the MRI
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found a ladybug, a creature I have had an affinity for since childhood, in my bed last night and placed it tenderly on the windowsill. woke up to find it dead in a spiderweb. oh god oh fuck. Some things aren’t omens sometimes a dead ladybug is just a dead ladybug. Maybe this needed to happen. It’s part of the natural cycle. It is an omen. I am the spider I am the ladybug I am the web. I am the woman assigning too much symbolism to all three.
#extra extra#not really but sort of#when I was four I put a ladybug sticker on my hand before going to ikea#in the car there I looked down and there was a real ladybug on my hand and no sticker in sight#how can I not feel intensely about them now#and right before Covid hit I was at a farm school in Vermont#and I would spend hours in the library which was infested w orange ladybugs#ITS FIIINE IT DOESNT MEAN ANYTBING#HELP
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I wonder if I should try checking in on the local lgbt center again
#they have weekly group meetups for a few different age ranges#I went to one right before covid hit and it was okay#the thing is I literally know like one or two people in this town#so like#it would be a way to meet literally anybody#the issue is it's about as far as I can bike comfortably and runs til after dark anyway#so it's kind of the fgc locals issue again
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I appreciate a lot all the asks and be sure I've read them, just please be patient with me because I'm kinda going through stuff that has me a little overwhelmed <3 <3
#one of my granparents is in the hospital and he's kinda critical right now#I'm not super close to him but I've already lost two of my granparents in the last years#the one I was closest to (my grandmother from my mother's side) was a total hit just before covid and I've barely recovered from it#then my granddad from my mother's side and it was a degenerative condition that left my nerves wrecked#so yeah :( it feels like it's been non-stop mourning for a while
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Me upon realizing that I can just have an AU instead of writing an entire fanfiction about an idea I had in my head once:
#i didn't even realize this was a possibility until today#i don't want to like. write a whole fanfiction. i have an outline in the works and i theoretically COULD. but.#unfortunately i like the idea of all the random events happening in my head instead <3#and an AU means that i can just continue to throw things in whenever i want forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and THAT is the beauty of an AU i think#i also feel like it'd let me play with the worldbuilding aspects a bit more than a fanfiction????#one time i had to write a short story for class like... many moons ago...#when i say that i really mean “right before covid hit” but regardless#the story ended up being ten pages long bc i was building the world. i still think about that. like. girl?#you really put your heart and soul into 10th grade english didn't you#i remember that assignment so vividly because my friend was like “holy guacamole iiboronii i'm not reading all of this”#(peer review you know the drill)#but honestly i was just glad that our teacher let us have a creative writing assignment shoutout to my tenth grade english teacher#anyways i'm calling it an AU now but i will not be telling anybody what it is about because. well.#it's just really really REALLY self indulgent and has like. nothing to do with the plot of the lorax LMFOJGOA;JFAD;JG#i'm checking the google doc now i'll come back if i decide that i want to share#we'll see xoxo
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the absolute funniest thing to me about the magnus archives is the timing of the season 5 release. we are all a month into covid, inside scared frightened grossed out etc etc yeah yeah. episode 1 of season 5 drops. and jonny sims himself has to come out and apologize bc its about. a gross world ending pandemic. what timing. what amazing timing that made me not be able to listen to all of season 5. truly no one does it like rusty quill
#image.txt#the DESPERATION in his voice#'PLEASE. PLEASE. WE WROTE S5 BEFORE COVID HIT' like yeah yeah mr sims sure. sure. you nailed it right on the head with a corruption-#-apocalypse now PLEASE let me drop this series in peace.#tma
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Woo did at least one productive thing today and finished submitting my taxes
#was a very lazy Saturday I just napped on and off most of the day#but felt like I needed to check at least one task off of the chores list#and actually was pleasantly surprised at the refund I'm getting too#i was expecting to owe money with the addition of my OF earnings but even with that added I stillgot a decent amount back#mostly because the state is doing a nice kickback#might be able to finally pay off my credit cards in the next month or so now 😊#which have not been fully paid off since right before covid first hit#sooooo approximately 4 years#and that time they had barely been paid off for a month or two before the pandemic shit hit the fan#and before then the last time everything was paid off I still lived in California lol
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Various recent pictures of things
#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol#photo diary#EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and#is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people#there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol#skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh#But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items#and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn#to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were#actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me#I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy#An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes#and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the#puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms#where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one#with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like#bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL#leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste#of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny#I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where#theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually#all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever
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want to reread ciconia bc i love those kids so much and i love that so many countries get represented in it and it's just. so emotionally impactful.
don't want to reread ciconia bc, while there are a lot of fun and interesting and compelling moments from the get-go, a lot of the end-game impactful emotion is Depression and Disillusionment... and the Horror that, in ryukishi's words, "it was like writing about Godzilla and Godzilla really ended up coming".
#still genuinely can't believe - to this day - that he released phase 1 just months before covid hit.#and just a couple of years before worries about a 3rd world war started to become more tangible.#and it sucks bc i know in the long run he would have ended ciconia on a bittersweet-but-hopeful note. somehow.#but phase 1's ending is not. a great read. when it mirrors reality so hard.#honestly while i would like to see it finished SOMEDAY... i completely understand why he doesn't want to work on it right now.#(to the people who keep harassing him over it... shut the fuck up maybe... the guy has the right to say 'i can't do this right now'.)#maybe i'll open it once i work through more of my backlog... u_u but for now. 15th century nun murder mystery for meeee.#046 texts#ciconia -
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MY MUM JUST BOUGHT ME AND HER TICKETS TO SEE SIX?? UNPROMPTED???? SHE IS THE MOST CONFUSING WOMAN ALIVE??????? BUT YAAAAAYYYY
#she hates me but also doesnt but also does but not quite but does but doesnt but#see i have a worse relationship with my father but its so much easier because hes just an absolute bastard all round#my mothers flip flopping every day calling me an ungrateful waste of money one minute then buying me six tickets the next like??#what am i meant to do about that???#anywayz SIX TICKETS WOO FUCKING LOVE SIX#I WAS MEANT TO SEE IT RIGHT BEFORE COVID HIT AND I JUST HAVENT COME ACROSS IT SINCE#SHE SAW IT AND JUST BOOKED THE TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR IM LIKE SO EXCITED#fr though why is she being so nice to be its kind of frightening#i think its because i had that breakdown in front of her before#she hasnt told me to get a job since then either#you guys dont understand how big of a deal that is#she always finds a way to tell me to get a job#anywayz everyone thank my mum for being a great mum <3#for the moment as least#dont want to jinx it#maybe marrying my step dad last month changed her psychologically#omg maybe shes started therapy#am a little afraid because im in the process of starting testosterone (yay!) but havent told her and i should be on it by december so uh#its gonna be obvious by the time we go to see it#so im *scared*#she may very well take the tickets away but LETS HOPE NOT#im so sorry ive written an essay in the tags lmfao#mummy issues#mummy issues going wild fr
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Okay despite the fact that I’m not the biggest fan of edm, so many of my friends like that music. The main reason I agree to go to the concerts is bc I get to dress up more 🫣 than usual and I don’t feel insecure bc the ladies I go with also dress up and women hyping up other women is the best feeling in the world. Love drunken heart to hearts in the bathroom while holding another woman’s face and telling her she’s beautiful as I brush away the tears on her cheeks with my thumbs.
#I’m going to a show early next month and I’m excited bc I’m finally going to another one w my hs best friend#the last time was right before Covid hit and tbh I had a terrible time bc I wasn’t drunk enough#also I wasn’t w a big group so I hated being squished by other ppl#anyway I hope the outfit I planned out looks cute on me..#it’s cute in theory but… it doesn’t always work out if it doesn’t look right on me#also it’s all white this time instead of black haha#I should invest in different eye shadows huh… I guess we’ll see!!#x#shrekeii
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Covid is kicking my ass big time. This is definitely the worst I’ve had it. I miss being able to breathe through my nose and taste food. 😭😭😭
#twp personal post#I can’t believe I got hit with Covid again#in the year of our lord 2023#right before Christmas too!
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ow lol
#why do i feel like someone STEPPED on me and its not even covid#fr i know what this is ive been here before tell me why im having muscle pain like two days AFTER my big hiking wknd#didnt even have the nerve to hit me right after#and im sick sick but its really mainly the muscle pain#and its my bday tomorrow.....this shouldnt be allowed. they said mid 20s pain be upon ye
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I miss dancing so much that I’ve resorted to watching dance moms lmao and it’s so so bad in the way that the children are treated but it’s actually inspiring me to start dancing again
#I was taking ballet classes right before covid hit and the studio was temporarily shut down#so I just…never went back#I lacked the confidence#even though at that point I had already had a decent amount of experience#I miss it so much and if I think about it for too long I will actually start crying lol#just feel so upset that depression and anxiety get in the way of one of my biggest passions#I don’t know how to break through that wall and just start doing what I love again#personal#in short: i miss dancing around my bedroom and smiling the whole time
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longtime tumblr user gabby themoonshoes lore followers will know that ive seen the 1975 in concert every time they’ve been here. anyways im going again tonight and there’s a non zero chance i could kiss matty healy on his little nasty rat mouth. likes charge reblogs cast
#gabby.txt#the last time i saw them was in 2019 right before covid hit and im fully prepared to start open mouth sobbing as soon as they start playing#good god. wish me luck.#my face
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I promise that this wasn't planned but happy three years to this blog 🥳
Here's to forever forgiveness popping off at some point within the next three years
It's been a long three years, that's all I'll say, and to those who have stuck around for all of it: why are you still here are you okay? /hj But seriously, thanks, it does mean a lot to me. Love all of yous very much and I can't wait to grow even more in the coming years because magicalara is certainly not going anywhere anytime soon 💜
#happy three years#em's announcements#i started this blog right before covid hit and it has been the only thing keeping me alive lmao#kinda sad but it's okay yk
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