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sincerely-astra · 1 month ago

Note

Since it makes some time since someone requested Yandere choir....

The choir with the most anxious girl in town?

Darling is like Penny, but just way more paranoid, anxious and shy, and most people at school find her weird and mock her social anxiety

Thanks in advance! :))

☁️Yandere Choir x Anxious!Reader🌧️

⚠️WARNING: General Yandere content and geared towards a fem reader!⚠️

Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg:

Introductions were the worst. Having everyone stare at you while you struggled to get the words, "Hello, my name is Y/N." out was not an enjoyable experience, especially when basically everyone in the classroom was snickering at your pathetic attempt to speak. As you kept stuttering through it, your anxiety peaking in you, the teacher finally let you off the hook and said, "That's enough Ms. Y/N, please go take a seat next to Ocean. Ocean, please raise your hand-" The teacher had no need to request that though as Ocean's hand shot up the moment she mentioned you would be sitting next to her.

You make your way over, where Ocean gives you a nod of acknowledgment as a greeting before turning back to the teacher. Normally she would've introduced herself already, but she needed to pay attention to the lesson, and so should you as you're gonna need to catch up! Other than that, the lesson went pretty smoothly, minus the few whispers you'd hear behind you during the beginning of it.

Thankfully, class ended quickly enough and as you got up, packing your things, Ocean comes up to your desk and holds her hand out as if she's expecting a handshake. You hesitantly shake her hand, which has a much stronger grip than yours, and she starts to speak, "I wanted to introduce myself before we have to go to our next classes. As Mrs. Jones said, I am Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg and the head of the chamber choir here at St. Cassian!" She held a prideful smile on her face as she spoke, soon continuing on as she introduced more about the school and the choir she mentioned.

You didn't get much of a word in either, even as you got up to start walking to your next class, which you two just happened to share, Ocean kept going on and on. It's not like you minded too much, though. Saves you the trouble from having to think of something to say and you were honestly just glad she wasn't making fun of you like those other kids were...

It hadn't even been a week after you met her either, where you were finally convinced by Ocean to join the choir she was always mentioning. Like, always mentioning.

You two had talked almost every day at that point and she had invited you to sit with her and the choir for lunch on multiple occasions, though you always declined because you didn't think you'd be comfortable sitting and talking with so many new people all at once... So how did she manage to get you to join the choir then? You have literally zero idea... Maybe it was Ocean praising it 24/7, or her speech about all the benefits it has and how you should join to make some new friends. Whatever it was, you walked in with Ocean that next choir rehearsal.

She introduced you to the choir and Father Markus, explaining how you are their newest member! A girl named Constance was the first to come up to you to welcome you into the choir, which she mostly did, but Ocean eventually had to cut her off so practice could move along. Now, the one thing you told Ocean you weren't gonna do by joining the choir, even though it was choir, was sing, which to your surprise, Ocean said was fine since another kid named Ricky was also in the choir and he didn't sing either.

That's how you ended up sitting next to a boy you barely know, temporarily without an instrument as they would have to borrow one from the band.

Despite how friendly most of the choir members were, save for Noel and Mischa, you pretty much clung to Ocean most of the time. As the only person you really knew there, she was like your lifeline as you didn't feel comfortable around the others quite yet... Now, if this was anyone else, they might have thought you were being annoying and too clingy, but this was Ocean and she thought the complete opposite. She reveled in the attention you gave her as not only did it feed her ego, but she also found herself enjoying your presence a lot.

You don't send annoyed eye rolls her way whenever she talks about her accomplishments and what she wants to do in the future, you don't make her feel bad that she needs to feel successful, you don't push her about her homelife and why she smells marijuana most days. You aren't like everyone else and she loves that, she can finally let her guard down around someone, something she can't even do with Constance. You're her vice.

If you ever start feeling overwhelmed with life and just need something to distract you, Ocean will 100% be your best bet for that. She will talk your ear off even if you didn't ask her to, which helps a lot when you just need to hear something in the background while you calm down.

Ocean, being the overachiever she is, knows how to do pretty much everything and she will be passing those skills down to you. She will be teaching you all kinds of different languages, instruments, crafts, everything and anything you want to learn, she will teach you.

Surprisingly, she is also a good mentor figure too.

Ocean isn't really the type to give you her things to wear, mainly because she doesn't have that many clothes to begin with, but if you ever ask, she would probably give you something like a piece of jewelry or a headband.

The more time she spends with you, the more Ocean just enjoys being in your presence... She never really thought she could like you more than she did, but getting to know you on a deeper level and having you come to her for most of your problems makes her feel so unimaginably happy. Suddenly, you aren't gonna be the only clingy one anymore and she isn't letting you out of her sight.

Whenever you guys pass notes to each other in class (which Ocean discourages as she says it's distracting but continues to do anyway because it's you,) Ocean always ends up keeping the notes you pass to her and when she isn't with you, she'll go through them, running her fingers along the words you wrote so she can feel close to you, even when you aren't with her.

You will never have to worry about people mocking you or being mean to you ever again with Ocean around because the people that do will be thoroughly run over with her words and her connection with the principal (Whom she will not stop bothering when someone is rude to you.) Word travels quick in St. Cassian and soon, people avoid you like the plague.

Ocean is lowkey either the best or worst person to be around when you have anxiety, there is no in between.

On those good days though, she'll take a break from whatever she is doing just to go find a quiet place for you to calm down in. She also has snacks that Constance gives her that she will let you eat.

As much as Ocean loves and cares about you, she will also not be letting you into her house... She would hate to have her parents' behavior affect you in any negative way, so her house is basically banned from you.

Even if you can't go to Ocean's house though, that doesn't mean she isn't allowed at yours, which believe me, she is there pretty much every day.

You and Ocean were in your bedroom, Ocean ranting about something a teacher said while finishing up her homework, while you were snuggled up on your bed, half listening and half watching a movie. It was your average afternoon, a routine that you and Ocean had grown comfortable with after doing it for so long.

And Ocean had liked it that way, she liked predictability, she liked having a routine only you and her share. She liked having things stay the same as always.

...But she supposes she doesn't mind you changing things up a bit either.

"I'm glad you're here, you know... You are like, the one person I feel comfortable around." Your words were full of adoration and were a complete shock to Ocean, who immediately stopped writing, turning to face you with wide eyes.

For some reason, even though Ocean had never thought of you that way, those words made her heart skip several beats and her face flush red. Quite frankly, her having such a visceral reaction to your words was making her feel incredibly embarrassed for herself... How come all of a sudden, when you just said something that she's sure everyone says to their friends, she starts to feel like she's the most special girl in the whole world? Why are her hands suddenly fidgeting? Why do her words have a stutter to them now as she replied with, "Y-You should, I'm a very comfortable person to be around!"

This feeling she's never felt before..., it couldn't be love could it??

...

Seeing you make a huff of amusement at her words, your smile bright as you turn back to your movie...

Well, maybe change is good. Maybe loving you isn't all bad.

So, one of the ways Ocean shows her love to you, is that even if she is an eternal yapper at heart and she knows you don't mind listening to her, she now is very adamant in listening to you and what you have to say, even if that's nothing at all.

She loves hearing your voice.

She would become so red if you did her hair, like put it into braids or just play with it, it just feels so weirdly intimate and domestic that she can't help but become so flustered.

There are a lot of moments where she's afraid of doing anything she sees as too intimate since she doesn't want you to possibly reject her and her feelings. Even then, though, she has a hard time not just being near you and showering you with praise.

Ocean has a bad habit of talking over people. Most of the time, it's unintentional, but there are moments when someone is talking to you for whatever reason and she'll just come up and crash the whole conversation. Those times, it's definitely not an accident.

Sometimes when she's writing an essay or just anything in general, her mind will wander and she'll end up writing paragraphs all about you. Some of the stuff gets a bit strange too..., like how she wrote 2 paragraphs on why she likes the way you walk.

As your friend, and hopefully potential lover, she should be helping you with your anxiety, right? Well, she does for the most part, but Ocean can't but place some fear in you sometimes when it comes to talking with strangers or going anywhere without her. It's for your own good, she doesn't want anyone to hurt you.

Noel Gruber:

Noel was having a bad day today.

Okay, so he has a bad day every day, but that fact that he's acknowledging today was really bad means a lot for how his day was going so far.

First off, some stupid douchebags were making fun of him for being openly queer, then he had to deal with his teacher pulling him out of class even though the kids behind him were making a ruckess, then he had to deal with Ocean during lunch. All of this combined made him want to bang his head against a wall.

Thankfully though, it was all almost over, all he had to do was turn the corner, walk a few paces, do choir, and he could finally go home. He just needed to get through this final stretch of the day and all would be well. So, walking down the route he usually takes to go to choir, he slowly starts to turn the corner, not at all realizing that someone was also making their way past it...

That person being you.

You both knock into each other, knocking you back and Noel onto the ground below. Noel lets out a grunt of both hurt and frustration, quickly looking up to the perpetrator so he could scold them for their carelessness, his frustration levels hitting their peak as this was kind of his last straw. However, as soon as he looks up at you, he couldn't even get a word out as you promptly apologized, anxiousness in both your voice and behavior was evident. "I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to do that, I should've looked past the corner or something. Are you hurt? Did you break anything? Should I take you to the nurse?-" Questions flew out of your mouth at lightning speed as you nervously flailed your arms around while you tried to explain yourself.

This kind of reaction from anyone at St. Cassian was new for Noel as most people wouldn't even bother to apologize and would just insult him before walking off. It's not like it was all your fault either, so this was really strange for him... Awkwardly, he gets up from the tiled floor and adjusts himself, ignoring your rambling before speaking over you, "I'm fine, stop worrying so much." Which thankfully got you to calm down a little. Noel was honestly kind of at a loss for words in the moment, wanting to say something else to you, but he didn't know quite what to say... So, he just shrugs it off and walks past you to the choir room, muttering a, "Sorry...," as he passes by.

That was your first introduction to each other and apparently it wouldn't be the last as soon enough you joined the choir.

Becoming friends (Whenever you got into the choir, he noticed Ocean enjoying having you cling to her, which he hated, so he starts to become your friend to spite her. He soon enjoys being your friend though.)

As Ocean had done a million times before with every other member of the choir, as she was pretty much the reason they all joined in the first place save for Mischa who was forced to, Ocean introduces you to everyone before Constance goes up to you and takes up your attention. He noticed you looked just as nervous as ever, which wasn't surprising, but what was surprising was the glow on Ocean's face after the choir rehearsal had ended as you clung to her. He knows her prideful face when he sees it, and apparently having you cling to her instead of any other choir member was giving her an ego boost she so desperately craved.

Now, Noel doesn't hate Ocean, he really doesn't. Sure, she can be annoying at times and he gets onto her a lot for being an ass to people, but that doesn't mean he hates the girl. In a way, they were kind of like siblings, at least, that's how Noel saw it. But watching you stand by her side like a loyal puppy with Ocean having a power trip over it made a switch flip inside of him. It was annoyingly pathetic how much you relied on Ocean and Noel wasn't having it. He knew you needed some kind of guidance in this school by someone who's been through hell in it, so he's gonna help you.

He's convinced himself he has to, otherwise you are going to have a rough time here.

So, whenever Ocean is busy with something else and you are left to stand idly by her side, Noel makes it his mission to go and talk to you. This turned out to be a good decision on his part as well since you were surprisingly pleasant to talk to unlike most people at St. Cassian. Your anxiousness did mean he needed to do most of the talking, but he could really care less, if he had to wait an eternity for you to get out of your shell and treat him like a normal human being compared to everyone else, then so be it.

You also enjoyed this dynamic you had with Noel. You did love and appreciate Ocean taking you under her wing and becoming your friend, but having Noel there was different in a good way. He showed you which places and people to avoid, where the good hiding spots are, how to get away with taking a nap in the nurse's office, basically, he was the street smarts to Ocean's book smarts. You had to even admit, he had a way of making it actually fun to let go and talk to him, something you'd never thought you'd be able to do. It was refreshing.

Noel doesn't mind how anxious you get at all, he's kind of friends with Penny and despite how confident he is, he's had his moments too, so he's pretty good at helping you manage your anxiety.

Sometimes though, just because he thinks it's kind of funny, he'll come up behind you when you are least expecting it and spook you. If you do end up having like, a panic attack or something because of it though, he'll feel so awful and will help you out immediately.

He loves having you read to him because, as you don't talk much, he finds it nice to hear your voice.

If you're ever hungry, trust that Noel will let you eat all his Taco Bell leftovers, he could literally care less.

Noel is extremely picky on who you spend your time with and if you don't fight back somewhat, you probably wouldn't talk to anyone but him.

He will also be making you give him access to all your social media accounts and no, this is not negotiable. He wants no creeps near you and probably ends up turning on some kind of child safety features on your phone.

He will give you a screen time so you are forced to talk to him.

You can literally appear at his house in the middle of the night, and Noel will not care at all, he trusts you completely.

If your anxiety ever gets too bad, he might help you find a therapist to talk to that's not the school one since Dr. Prattle is the worst.

You're more than welcome to come to him to vent though if that's what you'd prefer.

Noel hates the idea of you keeping secrets from him, like, a lot. So, because he wants to try and lean you in the right direction so you feel comfortable sharing things with him, he shows you Monique. He was undeniably anxious when he first showed her to you, because he might literally die if his biggest obsession finds his other biggest obsession weird, but thankfully that wasn't the case and his plan actually worked! After telling you about her, you pretty much get weekly updates on Monique and her story since he changes and adds things frequently.

Now the only biggest secret being kept between you was his sexuality!

Except it wasn't because you had known for a long time...

You knew because 1. Noel wasn't exactly secret about it. 2. Anytime you are with Noel at school, someone always manages to pass by and whisper slurs at him. And lastly, 3. It was kind of obvious.

Now, this does save him the whole coming out ordeal but Noel has to admit that he hates that he never got to formally tell you... It's just so important to him, and having something like that ripped away was honestly heartbreaking.

Please give him hugs and tell him he'll be alright- He needs it.

Do people still bully you even though you are with Noel? Yeah, it's actually kind of gotten worse since you've become friends with Noel. But you at the very least have each other and even if Noel has no power to stop the bullies, if any of them lay a finger on you, he's gonna kick some ass.

His mom actually adores you so much, you are the daughter she never had and she just thinks you're so precious. (She's low-key also encourages Noel's darker thoughts, but moving on...)

You're required to hang out with him during his work shifts, he needs someone to talk to that isn't his burdensome coworkers, and you're by far the best option.

Noel sometimes paints you, but he never lets you see the final result since he's embarrassed about it.

If you look past all the awful notes and stuff that your bullies put in your locker, sometimes you'll find a note threatening you to stay away from certain people and to do certain things that make you end up isolating yourself. You have zero clue, but that's all Noel...

Noel knows it's bad, but sometimes he has fantasies of bad things happening to you. It's dark and twisted, but his whole life is romanticizing tragedy, and he just loves you so much that he can't help himself but to imagine the worst possible scenarios, even going as far as to write about it sometimes.

Noel would never hurt you under any circumstance, you're way too special for him to do that to you!

...

But if you ever did try leaving, he does know a few ingredients to knock you out for a while.

Mischa Bachinski:

Mischa has never been one to cry, sure, he may get so angry that he feels like he wants to cry out from frustration, but rarely does he ever actually cry. It's a trait he's proud of, he feels like it makes him look not as weak. It makes him not look like the sobbing little boy he was when he was ripped away from his mother.

Truthfully, he hasn't cried since then, he would never allow himself to. If this world was only ever gonna break his heart over and over with no signs of comfort or relief, then he wasn't going to give it the satisfaction of him bawling his eyes out.

...

That was until Talia, the absolute love of his life, broke up with him.

He didn't think it was possible he could cry as much as he was right now, his eyes were puffy and red, his cheeks stained with tears that just kept flowing, and his phone laid on the bed in front of him showing past texts of him and Natalia. He hated how weak he felt, but god did this hurt.

Mischa had been crying for hours at this point, skipping school entirely as he knew he couldn't handle it today. He needed some kind of comfort, something to take his mind off of the hurt in his heart. And what better way to do that than to vent to some online strangers.

Finally grabbing his phone and swiping off his past text messages with Natalia, Mischa goes to the internet, gets on some old chat room site he uses occasionally to vent out his frustrations, and he taps a button to connect him with someone. It took a minute to connect him to someone, which he can only contribute to the crappy internet in the basement, but eventually he connected with someone which was, of course, you.

The conversation was a little awkward at the start, with you trying to navigate through the conversation without triggering your anxiety and with Mischa trying to find some segway to where he could just get all of the horrible emotions he was feeling in the moment out. Mischa did find his segway at some point, and you being the kind person you are, listened to his problems. You guys actually talked for hours and eventually also traded phone numbers to talk more. (P.S. I don't know who needs to hear this, but don't give out your phone number to random people online- Learn internet safety.)

Your long conversations didn't just stop there either; it might have been the fact that you both were strangers or the fact that this was online, but you both found comfort in each other and found it easy to tell each other everything. You learned so much about each other, you learned of Mischa's Youtube channel, how he used to live in Ukraine, how he is in the choir at his school, and Mischa learned about your anxiety, where you lived, and about your bullies. With that last one, he promised you if he ever met them, he wouldn't hesitate to punch them, something you thought was a joke but he was dead serious about.

All of this was to say that you and Mischa became good friends, even if it was online. You helped him in so many different ways, especially when it came to getting over Natalia, and he helped you gain confidence in yourself, it's almost too good to be true.

But it was true.

And it was only going up from here.

On a late Sunday night, you and Mischa were chatting like usual. Nothing was totally out of the ordinary with Mischa just ranting about this one rapper he likes and you listening, but as he is mid-way through his rant, you ask him, "Hey Mischa, what school do you go to?" To which, he immediately responded with, "St. Cassian High School, it's school for whiny, privileged kids, why?" Luckily and unbeknownst to Mischa, this was exactly the information you wanted to hear as you excitedly blurt out, "Oh good, I'm moving to Uranium and I didn't know if there were more than one high school or not."

That was the news of the century for Mischa, his eyes going wide as he heard you say that over the speaker in his phone. He practically jumped out of his seat, taking his phone with him as he ecstatically started to pace around the basement. "For reals!? Do not joke with me right now, it's not funny." But you weren't joking in the slightest, you meant every word.

You were moving to Uranium and going to St. Cassian. Mischa will finally be able to see his best friend in person and not even for just a few days, but for now and the foreseeable future. If Mischa is allowed to have just one good thing in life, he's glad it's this.

Mischa made sure to be kept up to date with everything that was happening during your move, calling you every chance he got just to see how it was going as a small part of him was fearful that things wouldn't end up the way he so wished they would...

Thankfully though, they did and as soon as you were in Uranium and let out of your new house by your parents, you and Mischa immediately met at the nearest park which was pretty close to your house.

To say that Mischa was beyond excited to see you was an understatement, he seriously felt like a kid again and had to calm himself down while he waited for you so he didn't scare you off or anything... Of course, that didn't last long though because as soon as you got there he couldn't contain his feelings and immediately ran over to hug you. He couldn't help himself..., you are just so different in person in the best of ways, you're so pretty, he loves the moments of silence you have when you are trying to think of something to say, he loves the way your hands are always messing with something on your person.

He's so glad to finally have someone near him who truly loves and understands him. Trust him when he says he is never letting you go.

Okay, so, even if this was only for the first few days you were in Uranium, Mischa quickly found himself loving having you cling to him since you didn't know anyone here. He finds it so incredibly adorable.

For whatever reason, Mischa refuses to let you pay for anything- If you ever want something, trust that he's gonna get it for you one way or another, and you are not going to be the one buying it.

As chivalrous as Mischa might be, he will also 100% make fun of you (in a joking way, of course.)

He will stop immediately though if it ever hits too close to home for you, your comfort is far more important to him than a laugh ever will be.

Once you start branching out to more and more people in Uranium, most notably Noel and Ocean, Mischa, for whatever reason, can't help but feel a little jealous... He knows it's good for you to make other friends and it's nice for you to get along with the people he's close to, but whenever Ocean holds on your arm or when Noel ruffles your hair...

It just gives him such an indescribable sense of loneliness and anger.

He wants to squish your cheeks so badly. (That's it, that's the head canon.)

If you are ever feeling down or your anxiety is really getting to you, Mischa will not hesitate to make an absolute fool out of himself trying to cheer you up.

He'll do whatever it takes, whether it be making fun of himself or saying the most unhinged things out of nowhere, he will do it.

So, in order to get to Mischa's room, aka the basement, there are gonna be times where you have to go past his parents. You know all about them from Mischa, and it's safe to say you aren't fond of them in the slightest, his parents aren't that fond of you either... They don't know what you are doing with that boy, but to them, you are way better off not associating with him.

You aren't leaving him though, never in a million years would you ever even think of the prospect.

Mischa never thought he would ever get over his break up with Natalia, not since it broke him in such awful ways that it took months for him to not think about her every second of the day.

And even when he did eventually get over it, he thought it would take a while for him to fall in love again. His heart was now so heavily guarded and he was so scared of having to open up about everything to someone new.

But then, to his absolute shock and somewhat horror, he didn't have to open up to someone new, quite the opposite in fact. Because there eventually came a day when he started to get all flustered and red-faced around you. When he first realized, he almost didn't want to accept it, fearful that it would totally ruin the great relationship you both have so carefully formed, one that he doesn't think he can handle losing.

But the feelings, no matter how hard he tried to push them down, kept coming up, along with the thoughts of holding you in his arms and kissing your soft lips...

He started to not mind those thoughts so much the more he thought about it. Maybe it would nice to hold your hand and whisper sweet nothings to you, in fact, maybe that would be the next best step in your relationship.

Mischa usually wasn't always quick to fall in love, but when he does, he falls hard.

He is always constantly craving your touch, especially in the moments when he can't have it like in class or when he's in his bedroom alone. He's a very touch-starved individual.

Mischa is always making an effort to learn and memorize everything about you, even to an unhealthy degree.

All he wants to do is kiss you, is that so much to ask for?

Mischa has no clue how you came to become friends with a guy like him, but he literally is so grateful for it. He loves you so much it hurts, and thinking of the fact that your paths may have never crossed is such a gut-wrenching thought process.

On the nights where he's missing you really bad, he'll literally just stay up all night scrolling through photos of you on his phone, wishing you were with him or that he could hear your voice.

And sometimes he even takes things a step further and decides to watch you sleep..., he just really needs to see you safe and near him.

Mischa is no stranger to bullies and he is not a stranger to beating said bullies up. He will be beating the crap out of anyone who even dares looks at you wrong, mark his words.

As cheesy as he knows it is, he writes secret admirer letters for you and stuffs them in your locker, most of which have a love poem written in Ukrainian. If you manage to decipher the letter, than be prepared because some of the things he writes about are incredibly disturbing...

Like, sometimes he wants to just murder someone because of how beautiful you are, his passion and love for you not being able to stay contained inside of him.

Ricky Potts:

One of the perks and downfalls of being in the St. Cassian chamber choir as someone who can't speak, is the fact that most of the time, the rest of the choir forgets he's there.

He could literally not be playing whatever instrument they stuck him with this time for the whole song, and Ocean will congratulate him on how well he did. It was a curse in the way that he always felt such an indescribable loneliness at times, but it was also a blessing in that he gets to do one of his favorite activities, people watch! Which was great to do with the rest of the choir since they were fascinating individuals.

And he never really expected this to change as Ocean had been failing for months to get anyone new to join the choir, so he just assumed this was it, this was the group he'd be stuck with before he graduated. Even if he was totally content with that, he definitely didn't mind having you sit next to him on some random whim of Ocean's, giving him a bit of company.

Although you both didn't talk much to begin with, he because he is unable to and you because of your anxiety, eventually you both picked up subtle ways to communicate without speaking or ASL. You both would give each other a certain look that could mean a variety of things or you'd both pick up on each other's body language and act accordingly.

Ricky does wish you'd talk to him at least a little bit, but this was fine to, he gets not everyone is the talkative type. Little did he know, though, that you wanted to be able to talk to him just as much as he did. Ricky seemed really sweet to you and you enjoyed how easily you both could read each other, it was nice, effortless acquaintanceship that you longed to turn into more. But to do that, you'd have to do the one thing that you really hated doing..., talking.

Despite wanting to be his friend, you sure as hell dragged your quiet acquaintance out... It took a very long time for you to get a word out to him without dying on the spot and even longer to be able to actually speak with him.

But when you did, Ricky was so happy for both of you. Even throughout all your stuttering, pauses, and awkward glances away, Ricky really did appreciate stepping out of your comfort zone to talk with him and his way of repaying you was to fill whatever awkward silences with his yapping.

Whether you know ASL or not, he will be talking about everything and anything. People usually don't give him the time of day, so you best believe Ricky has a lot to talk about with you. You don't mind though because it was either that or dealing with a silence that would surely only make your nerves worse..., so obviously you'd choose the former.

For Ricky, he's pretty much known since the day you first showed up to rehearsals that you had some anxiety, it was obvious to him in the way you'd glance around the room occasionally to see what others were doing before copying them, when you would fidget with your hands, and how you'd refuse to make eye contact with anyone. He's very aware of your anxiety and he always tries his best to be someone comforting for you, someone quiet and away from the chaos that is the choir.

Ricky once read that taking walks or just getting out into nature helps people who get overwhelmed really easily, so he pretty much incorporates that whenever he can into your schedules, which means you both usually walk together in peaceful silence during the weekend or after school.

He will not stop trying to get you into every movie franchise he loves, he wants to be able to talk about it with you, but it's really hard when he has to explain the lore 3 times over every single time he has a conversation about it with you.

Since you're stuck on the sidelines with him during choir, he will be trying to teach you some of the instruments they use. Granted, he definitely doesn't know how to play all of them, but he is a very good teacher for the ones he does know!

Almost every sweater he owns will now be in your closet because Ricky just loves seeing you wear his clothes, specifically his sweaters because he thinks you look so cozy in them.

It's also nice to know that other guys can see you wearing things of his and know that you guys are close, even if it's not in the way they think. :)

He likes to draw you for his warmup sketches for no particular reason other than he just likes to draw you. He doesn't show you most of them, but the ones he does show you, he will melt so fast at any praise you give him on them.

Ricky will be trying everything to help you manage your anxiety since he sees how hard it can be for Penny, so he wants to do his best to help you! He'll teach you new breathing exercises, help you find distractions, help you through the 333 rule, etc. Even if none of it works out, he definitely won't stop trying until he finds something that helps you.

If you ever need to like, hold his hand or something when you start to feel overwhelmed, trust that he is right there and his hand is ready to be held! He'll even let you squeeze it as tight as you need to.

Pretty much all of your hangouts will be in private since Ricky isn't too big on going out and junk, he just prefers to have you both in his room or in your room doing whatever. Another big reason though is because he wants to have you to himself.

Now, St. Cassian is a catholic school in a small town in the middle of nowhere Canada, which, as one can probably tell, isn't the most accepting place for people who the population perceives as different. And what they perceive as different, unfortunately includes one Uranium's only nonverbal disabled kid, Ricky.

Ricky's dealt with small amounts of bullying before, mostly in terms of him being neglected and left out by the other kids purposefully, but usually none of the kids at St. Cassian bothered him that much. That was until he was "graced" with the presence of his newest bully, Max Warner.

For god knows what reason, Max was hellbent on making Ricky's life a living hell, be it him tripping Ricky in the hallways, messing with his AAC device, or writing nasty stuff about him on his locker, Max seemed to not be able to get enough of Ricky's suffering. Ricky, being the pacifist he is, wasn't gonna fight him about it necessarily, but he did make sure to tell teachers and the school counselors about it so Max could hopefully get into some kind of trouble. Which he did, but even then Max would just continue on like nothing happened and it was seriously starting to really irk Ricky...

But the most he thought he was able to do was vent out his frustrations to you and continue hammering the teacher about it, he knew no one else was gonna stand up to Max about this since everyone else pretty much ignored his existence and the few who don't, like the choir, didn't know about Max's tyraid. You were the only one who did know.

Never would he have expected you to do anything about it though.

On the tragic day of another bullying attempt by Max, you and Ricky were walking down the hallway that led to the choir room, which was thankfully mostly empty due to it being after school. You both were chatting like normal, not at all expecting Max to just appear behind you both out of nowhere and to grab Ricky by the collar, causing him to lose his balance a bit. It was something Ricky had gotten quite used to, evident by the exhausted, defeated look upon his face as Max just started spouting all sorts of horrible things about him.

You weren't used to this though and watching someone treat Ricky like that, despite the inner panic you were feeling, made a large wave of anger pass through you. No one should be treated like that, especially not Ricky, someone you care so much about and would never want to see hurt.

Listening to Max just go on and on, mocking Ricky and his disability..., there came a point where you just couldn't take it anymore. You couldn't stand to stand aside like everyone else has done in the past, you couldn't stand to watch such a pathetic individual torment your friend.

You could barely process what you had done in those next 10 seconds, other than your fist hurting like hell, and you rushing Ricky out of the hallways and into the choir room. It was only after you both made it and you had the chance to breathe where you could look down at your fist and see the blood on it, the way you got it rushing back to you. You punched Max square in the face. You punched him so hard that his nose started to bleed and a sickening crunch was heard whenever your fist made contact with his face.

You could barely believe you did that... and neither could Ricky.

He would have never in a million years guessed that you were gonna punch someone for him, it was so incredibly surreal... And he loved it. The moment was still playing fresh in his mind, but he would play it 10 times over just to see you care so much about him that you protected him when he couldn't do it himself. His heart was racing so fast and even if he's sure Max will have his head for this, he can't find it in himself to care.

Because he loves you.

He loves you so much.

Remember how I said that if you ever feel overwhelmed, he'd let you hold his hand? Well, now he holds your hand every chance he gets, even if you aren't overwhelmed at all.

Ricky will be getting into everything you are into, no questions asked. Do you like a certain show? He loves that show too! Is there a certain food place you like? What do you know, that's his favorite place as well! Do you collect something? Well good news, because he collects it to and you can have his collection!

Please marry him-

Ricky has been interested in a lot of things in his 17 years on this Earth and one of those things just so happened to be, flowers. Meaning he does know about Floriography and he loves to gift you flowers with specific meanings. His favorites being, Aster (Symbol of love), Baby's breath (Everlasting Love), pink Carnations (I’ll never forget you), and a lot more. If you ever catch on though, he'd probably pretend that he had no idea or say that he meant it in a platonic sense-

You've known about Zolar for a while now, but Ricky gets so excited when you bring it up or if you remember the small details he's shared with you about it, it gets him so happy because he likes to know that you actually care and listen to him.

Ricky might not want to do too much in the case of his bullies, but when it comes to your bullies, it's a totally different story. The fact that anyone tries to bully is reason enough in his book that they don't deserve any semblance of peace or kindness, and he will do anything in his power to get them off your back, and I mean anything.

Ricky, for some reason, likes to smell like you. It's something he knows he's probably picked up from his cats, but he likes it because it's like he's telling other people he's yours and you're his.

He is always so tempted to kiss you in every single moment, but mostly when you are asleep. He thinks you look so adorable and unaware when you sleep..., he really can't resist you sometimes.

He considers every hang out you guys have as a date, even the ones where you both aren't doing anything but just laying next to each other's side. He doesn't care if you both didn't agree it was a date or something, he knows you love him so that makes this a date. Obviously.

Penny Lamb:

You know how most people tend to make friends with those similar to them? Be it that they have the same habits as you, they act the same way as you, they dress the same way, or anything else, people make friends by those they can find a connection with.

And that theory was exactly the one Ezra Lamb had thought of when he made up his mind on introducing you to his sister, Penny.

For some context, you had met Ezra on one of your late night strolls through the park. It definitely wasn't a ceremonious meeting as you quickly learned the reason he was there was because he was selling medication to some college kids, but for some reason you both felt compelled to talk to each other. He seemed to be very well versed when dealing with your anxiety as you learned the more times you both bumped into each other. Apparently it's because, as he mentions to you when you ask him about it, his sister dealt with the same thing.

Well, one thing led to another and you two became friends despite your very different personalities. Ezra, of course, eventually wanted to introduce you to his sister. To him, you were both quite similar in that you were the same age, you were both girls, and you both had crippiling anxiety. And going back to his theory from earlier, it just made sense to him that you both would be good friends.

That's what led you to where you were now, in Penny and Ezra's shared bedroom with you in Penny awkwardly shaking hands as Ezra introduces you to each other before leaving the room so you both can "get to know each other."

Yeah, you both didn't do anything of the sort, in fact, you both didn't speak a single word to each other the whole time you were there. It was a lot more awkward than you expected and without having Ezra there to mediate or anything, you both were just too anxious to make a move which really sucks, because Penny's heard a lot about you from Ezra and she really wanted this to work out...

But alas, it didn't and you went home about an hour or two later without a friend gained. You kind of just assumed that would be the end of your interactions, maybe you'd see each other once in a blue moon, considering Uranium isn't all that big and you both went to the same school together, but that was all you really anticipated to happen.

Of course, at that moment you didn't realize how pushy Ezra can be when he's made up his mind about something. See he heard from Penny that you two didn't end up talking much..., or rather at all, which didn't surprise him very much, but he had already made up his mind that your friendship was going to happen, and he doesn't change his mind that easily.

Cue Ezra basically coaching Penny through a conversation with you, plus the added benefit of you joining the choir, and that's how you got Penny nervously coming up to you after one choir practice and just lore dumping on you about lions. Normally, Penny would have never agreed to this, but as stated before, Ezra was pushy and Penny did think you both could be good friends... So she stepped out of her comfort zone to talk to you.

It was pretty confusing for you since she didn't seem all that talkative when you first met her, not to mention you had no clue Ezra was that keen on you guys getting along, but after about the third or fourth time she's done it, you got used to it and eventually got comfortable around her enough to add in a few words of your own which she was ecstatic about.

You both ended up realizing how similar you were and it was really nice to have someone you could connect with about anxiety and how much it affects your life. You kind of wish you met her sooner actually, she understands how you tick a lot more than the rest of the choir can and that's extremely helpful when your anxiety starts getting to the point where you like, can't breathe, or you feel like you're on the verge of a panic attack.

Ezra was right, it's good to have a friend who just gets you like Penny does.

Penny is really good at helping you manage your anxiety, but hers... not so much. For whatever reason, she just cannot handle it by herself and she always ends up trying to convince herself that she's fine, even when she's not... Please help her through it because she's not gonna be able to do it herself-

Penny loves to gift you random trinkets and doodads, meaning you will have a lot of random rocks and small knickknacks she finds from the forest and garage sales, respectively.

Whenever you guys text, Penny either writes some of the most formal text messages you'll ever receive or utter nonsense that requires a Sherlock Holmes to decipher, it all really depends on her mood.

Penny will be subtly trying to get you into Johnny Moon (she isn't subtle at all), and it's like, even if you aren't a fan, you have to respect the effort.

As you guys grow as friends, Penny just gets such strong feelings of wanting to protect you even if she doesn't know from what... She just knows that if anyone puts their hands on you, they are gonna be way more than sorry.

A habit you've gained from hanging out with Penny so much is that sometimes when there are awkward silences between you and someone else, you'll just info dump like her to fill the space. You didn't even notice you started doing it until you did it around Penny and she pointed it out to you-

Penny knows like, every breathing exercise in the book, and it honestly is her favorite trick in helping her calm down since it forces her to focus on her breathing rather than whatever is making her anxious. She'll definitely teach you all of them as well if you want, though with you, she kind of prefers taking you somewhere secluded to calm you down there so it's just you two instead of you two and a ton of other people.

Please let her ramble about why she thinks certain characters have anxiety or why certain characters are really bad representations of people with anxiety, she needs to get it off her chest and you're the only one who'll understand! :(

Penny waited for a minute before introducing you to her one other friend, Tammy, since she knows Tammy can be kind of a lot sometimes... When you guys do meet and you get to know each other better, trust that Tammy adores you!

So, it's embarrassing for Penny to talk about since she has a bit of a bad track record when it comes to her crushes, but for a while now, Penny has been feeling a certain way about you. She wouldn't exactly call it love yet, but she can't help but smile so brightly whenever you are near her and her hands get all sweaty when you are holding them..., it may not be love yet, but she wholeheartedly loves having you with her.

...

It wasn't love yet, but it sure is love now.

Penny's love for you really started during a sleepover you two were having. It was really late at night, about 2 AM, and Penny could tell you were about to pass out from the way your eyes could barely manage to stay open as you watched the movie currently playing on her television.

You two were already sitting side-by-side and holding hands, but that's not what made Penny's heart start skipping beats, no, it was when, not only a few minutes later, your head hit her shoulder and started to nuzzle into her neck. She knows you were only doing it because you were about to fall asleep, but that made her so incredibly flustered that she went still for a good 30 minutes, trying not to breathe too hard that you would move away.

Having you be so comfortable around her that you would get so touchy just made her fall hard from the brink she was once on..., she can't believe she's saying it, but she loves you.

The first thing Penny does when she finds out that she likes you is to increase the amount of gifts she gives you by tenfold, she finds it's one of the only ways she can show her interest in you without exploding on the spot.

If you ever want to, she would be more than happy to have you hold her face while you do her makeup. :)

Penny isn't the greatest when dealing with bullies, but she'll try a lot harder for you! She always makes sure to ask you before she does anything though since she doesn't want to cross your boundaries or anything.

She somehow convinced you to let her kiss you on the forehead or cheek every once in a while. She will always say it's platonic, but she does not mean that one bit-

Penny practically makes you stay over at her house every night and if you can't, then believe me when I say that she'll be getting into your house one way or another. (She probably somehow has keys to your house or she gets through your window in the least elegant fashion possible.)

She loves you so much that she can't even describe it in words, which she has tried as evidenced by all the letters under her bed. It's so difficult to describe how her bones feel like they are crumpling every time you look at her or how her body feels like it's gonna cave in on itself with every little touch... Seriously, you make her so sick and she cannot get enough of it. It would be impossible for her to let you go.

She isn't really the type to get jealous, but having to share you with the rest of the choir, because they all might kill each other if they don't, is extremely hard for her as she just wants to keep you all to herself.

She wonders if you like her room enough to want to stay there for a while...

Constance Blackwood:

You don't think you have ever walked so fast in your life as you did today...

Bullies aren't anything new to you, being the anxious person you are, you've dealt with your fair share of awful people before. But in the past, at least you had somewhere to run away to, a sanctuary where no one could mock you or get to you. However, you moved. Now you are in Uranium with a whole new group of bullies and no place to run off to.

Hearing their insults and mocking tones from behind you, your pace kept growing as you held onto your backpack straps tightly. You had no idea where you were going at this point, all you wanted was to be away from them. You had been at this for a while now, and you were so over it..., you didn't want to potentially lead them to your house, so where were you to go?

Finally lifting your head off the ground, eyes scanning the area around you, your eyes get caught on a small cafe down the block labeled, "Blackwood Cafe." With no other place to go and the cafe seemingly like your best option at the moment, you hurriedly dashed over and went inside. Closing the door behind you as you catch your breath, you glance over the cozy cafe you're now in, silently admiring the cute pastel colors and warm interior.

Thankfully, there were a few people already in there, you just know it would be incredibly awkward if you were the only one, and you had also luckily had some cash on you, giving you a reason to stay here while your bullies hopefully left you alone. You went up to the counter, ordered, and got seated, but even if you were safe in here and able to just breathe for a second, you actually had no idea if your bullies would leave you alone when you inevitably have to leave... What if they just waited till you walked out to jump you? What if they come inside and no one stops them from dragging you out??

God, you hated your anxiety... You can feel your heart pounding and your hands shaking even if nothing was happening, you could only hope no one would notice.

And no one did! ...Except for one girl, Constance Blackwood.

Constance had always been one to observe the cafe's patrons while they enjoyed their treats, it's a habit she picks up from her dad who is always looking to make sure their customers were having a good time. So, it should come as no surprise that she would notice and observe you too. Except instead of seeing a content face or a calm demeanor, she saw your anxiety-ridden one, one that immediately made her frown with concern.

She knows she has no right stepping into a stranger's business, but you aren't really a stranger to her. She can see your slightly disheveled St. Cassian uniform and she recognizes you from the choir so... doesn't that give her a bit of a reason to ask what's wrong? Constance quickly grabs a muffin and tells her parents she's gonna go on a quick break before walking over to your booth in the corner, much to your confusion. "Uhm, hey! I don't know if you remember, but I'm Constance Blackwood, we met in choir the other day. I just wanted to come over and ask if you were okay since you seem a little..., uh, down?"

Little did Constance know though that those few simple words would change things forever.

You tried your best to fend her off at the start, shakily explaining that you're fine and there was nothing to worry about, but her warm and caring words made it hard to keep pretending everything was fine... So, even if you still weren't sure about it, you decided to tell her what was wrong. You both ended up talking for hours, even past closing, as Constance comforted you and you ended up moving on to other topics to lighten up. Even if it was a surprising encounter to say the least, you're really glad Constance came over and asked if you were okay, it was nice to know someone cared...

Once it started getting late, she took you home just in case your bullies were still there, which they thankfully weren't, and you both parted ways for the night.

For the night.

Of course the bullying didn't magically stop after that, so you found yourself at the Blackwood Cafe more and more often. Eventually it even became an everyday thing. You truly did feel bad about this at the start since you didn't want to be a bother, but Constance always reassured you that you weren't and she enjoyed your company. She means that too, you are a lot easier to talk with compared to Ocean or Penny, and she finds herself always having a smile when she thinks of your conversations later that night.

Really, it wasn't surprising at all that you two would become friends with how often you spent time together, and Constance couldn't be happier about it. Even if the people in Uranium were awful, she was happy she could be friends with someone who wasn't. :)

Constance may not know every trick when dealing with anxiety, but she's a very good listener and will let you ramble as much as you need while being so incredibly supportive.

It doesn't matter how long you've been friends for, Constance quite literally trusts you with her life.

Sometimes when she is feeling a little silly, she'll invite you to her house in the middle of the night to do some late night baking. It's basically her therapy and why not share it with her new favorite person?

Her little brother is obsessed with you and Constance has zero clue why- Like, anytime you're over, he'll try to monopolize all your time and he is always asking about you. Constance doesn't know if she should be jealous of you or of him.

Constance tends to people watch, but she doesn't just watch anyone, she likes to watch you in particular... a lot.

Like, anytime you are around, a lot.

She also talks about you a ton, leading her parents or her friends to have to shut her up so she'll talk about something different- She's glad they do to, because's she sure she can talk about you for hours and she's not sure how deep and dark her thoughts on you can go...

She loves having you try on her glasses, she thinks it's so cute.

If Constance is ever the one feeling anxious, you'll likely be the first person she goes to in order to calm down. This is mainly because she knows you know how to deal with it but also because she finds your presence calming.

You're also welcome to do the same with her! It could quite literally be the dead of night, but if you need her, she'll be there for you.

They might be a little outdated, but Constance likes to make mixtapes for you with a bunch of songs that either remind her of you or songs she thinks you'll like. She might put a few ABBA songs in there too for good measure. :)

Falling in love (She noticed Ocean stealing you away from her and she got super jealous, where she soon realized her feelings.)

Constance gets that you are a busy person and that you can't be near her all the time, she really does, she understands that you have other friends to tend to that aren't just her.

So why is it that she feels so gross watching people like Ocean and Ricky steal you away from her? Why is it that she feels such an overwhelming urge to scream as Noel fixes your hair, or when Penny holds your hand, or when Mischa is constantly stealing your attention from her?? What is it that makes her so... so..., jealous?

She has no idea, she really doesn't. These are both of your friends she's talking about, she has no reason to be jealous of them! They all just want the best for you and you deserve to be loved and cared for. Yet, it's like she's walking on Legos every time you aren't paying attention to her.

These were the thoughts that plagued Constance's mind for days on end, even months. She wasn't sure why she was feeling this way, but god did she hate it. It was easy to see something was bothering her as well with how she would go straight into her room after school and pace around anxiously, her mind filled with thoughts no one can see. And truthfully, her parents were starting to get worried... This wasn't like their wonderful girl at all and they hated seeing her so conflicted.

So, being the one pair of decent parents in Uranium, they stop her on her way to her room one day and ask what's wrong. Constance was extremely reluctant to talk about it at first because, what do two adults who've been around much longer than she has know about jealousy? But they were pushy and she relented, telling them everything about the jealous and how she likes having your attention on her, getting it all out.

The laughing they did after that made Constance beyond frustrated-

Through tears in their eyes and the laughs, they had to explain what she was experiencing was likely a crush. That made everything click for Constance, who couldn't help stare at her floor in embarrassment and realization...

She loves you...

"Oh..."

Constance gets lowkey kind of nervous when she's around you now since she doesn't want her crush to be too obvious..., eventually the anxiety will melt and she can be herself around you, but for the first few minutes every time she sees you, she just feels so awkward.

She will be making sure you are well hydrated and fed, and you are gonna like it! She loves you too much to watch you waste away!!

Please let her have movie nights with you, she wants to watch all of your favorite movies and have you ramble about them to her. :'(

She loves squishing your cheeks.

She may or may not be stalking your social media so she can know what you are up to all the time....

Constance doesn't know if she should be grateful or not that her parents pointed out that she likes you because now her jealousy has basically tripled and it's only getting worse by the second. She wholeheartedly wants to just punt people whenever they interrupt her time with you.

You have bullies? Well not anymore, she is not letting anyone be disrespectful to you in or out of her presence. She always somehow finds out if someone is spouting nasty things about you and she will be doing something about it.

A/N: I'm struggling guys, I have no clue why it takes me so long to finish requests, but I swear I'm working on them! :'(

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