#rick how are you this clueless about your own work. are you kidding

[faytears]

still laughing about that whole thing in wottg where annabeth is surprised about percy comforting her because it's apparently a reversal of roles when the ENTIRETY of pjo was just percy one-sidedly comforting annabeth about literally every problem she ever faced in her life and her almost never doing the same for him

[tragedygroupie]

babysitter blues

cw: LEGAL age gap, fingering, praise kink, loss of virginity, p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), daddy kink, blink and you’ll miss it dacryphilia, authority kink (???), imbalanced power dynamic kinda???, alexandria rick, kind of long winded buildup to the smut, brief substance use (alcohol), soft dom! rick… yeah that’s all i can think of rn.

your entire life had been colored by an overwhelming sense of inertia. tucked away in the mundane labyrinth of the suburbs, not even the advent of the apocalypse could blot out the pervasive sense of ennui that had followed you since childhood. the horrors of the newly established outer world, the grotesque undead and the occasionally more dangerous still living were completely unknown to you. the apocalypse had not annihilated your reality, it merely redefined the confines of your sequestration.

life in alexandria was largely a matter of finding a way to pass the time. girls that barely qualified as adults weren’t exactly hot commodities, rarely sought out for anything, so it fell on you to fill the hours until the end of the world.

sometimes it was reading, which slowly morphed into a project of creating a library for the community, almost entirely curated from your own collection, with some generous donations here and there from bemused older folks surprised that young people still cared about that kind of thing.

other times it was babysitting, which started largely as preemptive measure to get out of being assigned any kind of work that would require any amount of physical activity. sure it was lazy, but you enjoyed the company of most of the kids, and they all liked you, enchanted by the whimsical dresses you wore and the stuffed animal army you had at your disposal.

truly, the only visible sign that you were experiencing an apocalypse rather than another red hot american summer were the bags under your eyes, perpetually exhausted from the never ending parade of nightmares that left you jolting awake, violently gasping for air.

a girl like you had no business hanging around a man like rick grimes. perpetually tense, eyes wildly darting around like he was itching to drive the butter knife he spread his jam with into the throat of some unspecified assailant. a bloody splash of color in your grayscale world. he was unlike anything you’d ever seen, a Marlboro man, blue collar through and through, from the dirt that he could never seem to fully rid his nails of to the rough, calloused hands that secretly made your mouth water.

this was the apocalypse, yet your sense of self preservation was as brittle as it’d been when you were sixteen. all your snark, that goddamn mouth that always got you in trouble evaporated when you were around him, replaced with an unfamiliar earnestness that made you cringe internally. you tried, really you did, to not follow him around like a lovesick puppy, to think of reasonable pretenses for your incessant need to be in his proximity, and fortunately enough, you quickly found an in.

no matter how adept rick was in this new world, he seemingly struggled when it came to childcare. when it came to his daughter, he was wildly protective yet somehow simultaneously clueless, and the first time you saw something approaching relief flash through his eyes was when you offered to look after her.

truth be told, rick didn’t quite know what to make of you. you were soft without being stupid, sheltered but not maddeningly clueless, and your eagerness to listen to him when everyone else dismissed him as paranoid endeared you to him in a way no one else in Alexandria quite managed. when you offered to look after judith, the last thing he thought was that you’d become a distraction. you were pretty, sure, but you were young enough to be his daughter, and if there was one thing rick grimes wasn’t, it was cliché.

but goddamn did you make it hard. his life in the new world had been characterized by leaving absolutely no room for error, every potential outcome identified and accounted for. yet in his brief respite from having to care for his daughter entirely by himself, he failed to consider that you wouldn’t just be a hot flash of want that pulsed through his veins whenever he happened to run into you, you’d be in his home. he was a stronger man than most, but he was still a man, and being in such close proximity to that kind of temptation was enough to drive anyone crazy.

every time he walked through the door it was something new. sitting on the floor with your hands outstretched, beckoning judith to crawl towards you, oblivious to your skirt riding up your parted thighs. bending over the cradle to kiss her good night, while the cotton of your already short dress just barely covered your ass.

you may not have been completely clueless about the dangers outside the walls, but you were downright brainless when it came to the effect you had on him, and it was that very lack of awareness that had him fucking his fist in the shower, coming with a groan to the thought of those pretty, naive eyes looking up at him as he split you open. it wasn’t enough, like putting a bandaid over a cut that sliced to the bone, but it was a safety valve, it kept him from doing something stupid.

today shouldn’t have been any different from the routine he had established. he got home as dusk started to settle, having made an extra effort to see judith before she went to bed. he tried to leave the frustrations of today at the door, determined to be a good father, to exact control over the flaming emotions that licked up his chest, stopping the spread before he became engulfed.

as soon as he hears your voice, with its lilting quality as you respond to judith’s babbling, the hard lines that have taken up a virtually permanent residence on his forehead soften. he walks across the threshold, into the living room where you’re sprawled across the couch, judith sitting on your lap. you get up, and he has a blissful few seconds to admire the dress you’re wearing, a little white dress with embroidered flowers better suited for frolicking in a garden than waiting out the end of the world, before you open your mouth to greet him.

“look who’s here judith! daddy’s here!”

fuck.

he knows you didn’t mean it like that, and a better man wouldn’t have thought anything of it. a clearly innocent comment shouldn’t have the blood draining from his head and rushing towards his dick, but the way that word rolls off your tongue is downright sinful. his face is an impenetrable mask of cordiality, concealing his desire as he answers.

“how’re my girls?”

it’s more forward than he’d be under any other circumstances, but he can’t help it, he needs to see if his words affect you the way yours do him. sure enough, a rosy blush blossoms across your cheeks as you hand Judith to him. the words rattle around your head, and you make a mental note to remember it for later, when you’re alone and twilight has fallen, so you can replay it in earnest.

“she’s been wonderful, we had so much fun today, didn’t we Judith?”

you go on, filling him in with details about the day, your voice becoming a pleasant hum that barely filters through, he’s too busy looking at you. all soft curves to his taut muscles, hands that’ve never seen a day of hard work. fragile things like you normally fill him with a vague sense of irritation, if not downright disgust, but with you it’s different, the overwhelming need to lay claim to the last bit of silken sweetness in this apocalyptic wasteland threatening to undo him.

dimly, he becomes aware that you’re asking if he wants to put Judith to bed tonight, and a dull panic sets in. you can’t leave, not yet, not until he’s gotten to feel you.

“i’d like to see how you do it. for future reference” he says, his voice cool and glacial, completely devoid of the growing desperation blooming in his abdomen.

you nod, secretly proud at the prospect of teaching him something. he’s so worldly, so knowledgeable in things you hadn’t even conceived, and the idea of him wanting to learn from you about anything makes you feel mature, no longer a lovesick puppy yapping at his heels.

you three go to judith’s nursery, and when he passes her to you, you begin to show him the routine you’ve established. it’s quick, nothing flashy, just getting her changed into her pjs, singing a quick song, and stroking her hair until she falls asleep. mercifully, she’s out like a light, and the two of you creep out of her room, careful not to disturb her. when you get into the hall, you avoid his eyes, unsure of what to do now. you see him so rarely, and without the buffer of Judith, you feel small again, all that newfound maturity fleeting, like it was never there.

rick has to suppress a smirk at your shyness, and after a beat of silence, he’s unable to resist making an offer.

“you want a drink?”

you look up at him, trying in vain to hide your excitement.

“sure.”

one drink follows another, though you never quite manage to get rid of the grimace that accompanies each swig. its endearing, he knows you’re only drinking this shitty beer because he offered it, trying to convince him that you can handle yourself. you’re sitting together on the couch, and the once respectable distance between the two of you has shrunk down considerably, your knee against his as you go on and on, talking about anything that catches your fancy. to his credit, he doesn’t seem to mind, nodding and trying to focus on your words rather than how soft and warm your thigh feels pressed against his.

“i know the whole library idea seem… frivolous, but you should come by sometime. i can recommend you something good.”

he smirks, his voice coming out low and measured.

“never said that darlin. i just don’t have a whole lot of time for reading.”

you shake your head, your voice earnest in a way that would leave you mortified if you were sober, trying to ignore the pang of need in your cunt at the pet name.

“bullshit. you’ve probably just… never read a good book. with the way the world is… who doesn’t need escapism sometimes?”

he nods, clearly humoring you. it’s nice to see you passionate about something, even if he shares absolutely no interest in it. he notices how you shift next to him, your thighs pressing together at the pet name, and makes sure to take note of it.

“amen to that.” he says, taking another swig from the bottle you’ve been sharing.

when he looks back at you, you have a dreamy, far away look in your eyes. he raises an eyebrow at you, his voice coming out teasing.

“have i got something on my face?”

you shake your head earnestly, your voice coming out achingly sincere.

“you have really nice eyes.”

he scoffs, amused by the observation. it’s something you’d normally be too scared to say to him, but the beer has clearly loosened your inhibitions, and goddamn if he doesn’t love it.

when you lean towards him, your lips meeting his softly, all unsure and sweet, it’s all he can do to not groan. this is wrong, you’re young enough to be his daughter, he should be the adult here, put a stop to this and gently tell you that you deserve better than him.

instead, he finds himself kissing you back, all those good, proper sentiments dying in his throat as he pulls you into his lap, his mouth never leaving yours. his hands are all over you, exploring every inch of the soft, supple flesh he’s been craving for god knows how long. you’re trying to keep up, your mouth clumsy and shy against his, but he’s relentless, his tongue slipping into your mouth as he kneads the plush of your ass through your white lace panties.

your dress is riding up your thighs, and it’s all he can do to not tear it off you. he knows he needs to be gentle, he gets the sense that you haven’t got much experience in this arena, even though his more primal instinct is to push you against the wall and fuck you till you see black. instead, his hands creep up your thighs, until he’s cupping your clothed cunt, your panties already dewy with arousal.

“fuck baby, all this for me?” he asks, his voice teasing as he marvels at how easily aroused you are. all this from a few kisses, it’s really just too easy.

you let out a keening whine, your hips instinctively rocking your cunt against his hand, desperate for any amount of friction. you nod desperately, too dumbstruck for words.

he chuckles, slowly starting to rub you through your underwear.

“use your words, pretty girl.” he says, his voice half joking, but with an undercurrent of seriousness, a warning that he’ll stop if you don’t comply.

your eyes flutter shut, the puffy sleeves of your dress falling down your shoulders as your hands go to grip his big arms.

“all.. for… you” you pant, your cheeks burning red.

it’s embarrassing really, how soaked your panties are. it makes you feel like a slut, but you know you wouldn’t get this way for just anyone. you couldn’t imagine being this easy for someone else, and if you were more clear headed you’d try to tell him, but all you can do is mewl pathetically, frustrated by how the lace of your panties dilutes the feeling of his fingers on you.

he chuckles, reading you like a book. he moves the lace aside, dipping his index finger into your aching cunt, biting back a groan when you gasp.

“that feel good, baby?” he asks, already knowing the answer.

you let out a whiny mhmmm, and he allows it, pumping steadily while the rough pad of his thumb rubs circles onto your clit. when he curls his thick finger inside you, you swear you see stars, and your nails dig into the weathered muscles of his arms.

“oh fuck, daddy” you mumble, too far gone to notice or care that you slipped up, oblivious to how his eyes light up at your words.

“poor thing… those little fingers just don’t do it for you, do they? can’t reach that far, isn’t that right?” he says, condescension dripping from his voice.

you nod furiously, your hips bucking into his touch as your head lolls for, letting him pull you closer into his arms as you whimper out a response.

“s-so close daddy”

he coos at you, that sweet desperation making him throb in his jeans. normally he’d make you work for it, make you respond to all his questions to build good habits (because there would be a next time), but he figures he’ll go easy on you just this once, especially when you plead so pretty.

“go on baby. make a mess f’me.” he says encouragingly, and that’s all it takes for you to come, burying your forehead into his chest as you ride out your high.

when you go limp, he starts stroking your hair, maneuvering your head so you’re facing him. he kisses you again, and it takes a moment before you kiss him back, your brain still partially fogged over from pleasure.

“you act like no one’s ever made you cum before” he says teasingly, and when your face flushes it just confirms what he already thought: you’re a virgin.

you avoid his eyes, your voice coming out all shy and flustered.

“i don’t really have much experience… is that a problem?”

he has to resist the urge to scoff, because no, that is absolutely not a problem. if anything, it makes him want you more. but he doesn’t want to scare you, so he just tilts your chin up so you’re looking at him, his hand cupping your cheek.

“it’s not a problem at all, honey. just wanna make sure you’re okay with all this.”

it takes all his self restraint to ask you that, because his jeans feel far too tight and all he wants to do is bury himself inside you before he preemptively blows his load, but he knows he needs to make sure you’re ready, that you want this too. despite everything, he’s still trying to be a good man.

you look up at him, and you nod, your pupils all blown out and hazy.

“ ‘m sure.” you say softly, before reaching up to kiss him.

he savors the kiss, giving you a moment before he stands up. you let out a small squeak, your thighs immediately going to wrap around his waist, looking at him in confusion.

“what, did you think i was gonna take your virginity on the damn couch? i’m not a goddamn animal” he grumbles, looking at you with fond irritation as you giggle.

he presses his lips to yours to keep you quiet, sloppily making out with you as he makes his way to the bedroom. when he gets inside, he lays you down on the bed gently, his mouth never leaving yours.

he gets you undressed in no time, not giving you a hard time about the fact that your white lace panties and bra are matching (almost like you were asking for it), and when your unsteady hands finally finish fumbling with his belt you get to see his cock for the first time. and fuck is he huge.

he looms over you, his arms caging you in as he presses warm kisses to your neck, trying to ease your worry. when he pushes in, he goes all the way, burying himself to the hilt. your eyes roll back in your head, letting out a soft cry as you snake your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you as he lets you adjust.

when he starts to move, he sets a slow, steady pace, and the ache gives way to newfound pleasure, your eyes screwing shut as he goes deeper than you knew was previously possible.

“fuck baby. you’re so fucking tight.” he mumbles, sucking a bruise onto your neck as you let out a moan.

when he’s sure you’re not gonna break, he starts to pick up the pace, his thrusts becoming harder and more pointed, earning whimpers and moans that seem to come from deep in your gut. tears start to fall down your cheeks, not from pain but from a combination of pleasure and being so overwhelmed.

“you cry so pretty, baby.” he says, angling his thrusts to hit that spongy spot inside your walls.

your face scrunches up as you get that newly familiar coiling feeling in your stomach, and you blearily open your eyes to look up at him, your bottom lip quivering.

“daddy… can i cum, please?” you whimper brokenly, and if he wasn’t almost there already, that definitely pushed him.

“such a sweet thing, asking permission on her first time. you can come baby, go on” he responds, his firm grip on your hips teetering dangerously close to bruising.

when you come, he can feel you pulsating around him, squeezing him like a goddamn vice, trying to milk him for all he’s got. it only takes a few more sloppy thrusts for him to join you, coming in you with a groan.

once you both came down from your highs, you turned to him, your body exhausted and spent. you weren’t exactly sure what he expected of you, you’d never hooked up with your employer before and all conventions about appropriateness were completely out the window when you had his spend dripping down your thighs.

“can i stay the night?” you ask quietly, your cheeks red with embarrassment.

to your relief, he just chuckles and pulls you closer, your head resting on his chest as he wraps an arm around you.

“sweet girl, i’d be a right asshole if i sent you home like this.”

you smile, quickly falling asleep in his arms. and for what feels like the first time in months, rick finds himself dozing off without much of a fight too.

[twh-news]

Miss Minutes voice actress Tara Strong says there's more to Loki's cartoon breakout character

One of the unexpected joys of Loki has been seeing the Time Variance Authority's animated mascot, Miss Minutes, popping in and out of the series with a heady dose of Southern charm. She lays out the purpose of the TVA in the premiere, but goes on to appear to Loki (Tom Hiddleston) in semi-sentient ways as the series moves forward.

The Marvel Cinematic Universe didn’t cast just anyone in the role, they went with a legend. If you throw a rock at IMDb, chances are you’ll hit something that Tara Strong has been in. She’s a DC veteran (Raven on Teen Titans, Harley Quinn in multiple projects, etc.), a Marvel veteran (the animated Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers Assemble, Marvel Rising, etc.), and has also appeared in Rick & Morty, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, The Powerpuff Girls, and Family Guy, to name just a few. Perhaps you caught her voicing Sunny in A Series of Unfortunate Events?

SYFY WIRE caught up with Strong before the Loki finale to discuss how her performance as Miss Minutes developed, how much Miss Minutes actually knows, and more.

At what point in the Loki process did you get involved?

The Loki series was completely finished filming by the time I came on board, which was great because I got to watch all the action unfold as I was doing it, as if I were really shooting with them. If I had to go first, it would be much more challenging. To play off Tom Hiddleston was so much fun.

Did they have any ideas on what direction they wanted you to take Miss Minutes, or was it more like, "She's Tara Strong, we're going to stay out of her way?"

When you have an audition for an animated character, they'll give you a drawing of the character, a character bio — something about their world. And the more information I get, the more I can feed that into developing a character. It is a very collaborative process generally by the callback stage. The director, the writer will put in some ideas, and then you come up with the perfect voice for this character. And that was not the case for Loki.

I didn't even know it was for Loki, I didn't know who Miss Minutes was. There wasn't a visual, it was kind of limited information. I just knew they wanted something like a Siri voice but more human. Then they said to play around with an accent, which I got to do. And then, when I started working with Kate [Herron], who has such incredible vision on every single part of this process, we collaborated and came up with this sort of Southern belle that can say horrible things with a smile on her face. And it's such an extraordinary, fun character. It's definitely unique. I've never seen or done anything quite like her.

In the premiere, she gives a whole spiel as to what's going on, or what we think is going on. We've now found out that most of that is not necessarily true. Is she aware of that and is faking it, or is she as clueless as everyone else?

I think that's a great question, and I think there's more to be revealed about how much she really knows, and obviously, you'll have to wait for the finale. But that's a great question because even in the audition, I was like, "Is she sentient? Is she this?" And along with the Marvel imagination of how it all works, a lot of that is still to be discovered. And looking at it, it's very easy to say, "Oh, maybe she's the ultimate being behind all this," or "Maybe she knows more about this," but it's really a play-as-you-go kind of thing. But she's certainly more knowledgeable than in the first episode, she seems to be a lot more sentient than in the first episode. In the first episode, you think it's just a video, and then of course she comes to life and hangs out on Tom's desk. So [there's] more to be revealed as she goes, for sure.

Because she's been such a hit with fans do you think there's a life for Miss Minutes outside of this series?

Of course, Miss Minutes definitely needs her own series! I am so excited to see all the fans cosplaying her at cons. There's already been some incredible art. I'm so grateful that the fans have fallen in love with her, and they did before the show even aired. There were a bunch of videos made with the trailer and people saying, "That's Tara Strong, that's Tara Strong." And you never know with an animated character that's part of such a huge franchise. Or even in something on camera, you don't know how the fans are going to respond. So I can't say how grateful I am that the fans love her and have warmed up to her. She's rapidly become one of my favorite characters I've ever done.

She would get along really well with Mr. D.N.A. from Jurassic Park.

Everybody talks about that online, and some artists, forgive me for not knowing [their names], did a really cute picture of the two of us together as a couple or something. People made that comparison pretty quickly.

If you had your choice for her to be involved in any of the many upcoming MCU projects, is there any particular one that you'd really love to be a part of?

That's a good question. I mean, anything in the MCU, it's such an honor to be a part of it. I've been in the animated world for so long, but to join this cinematic universe is just incredible. And I think she's the kind of character that could maybe now she's working for this person or that person, and she could change, and morph, and her whole character dynamic could go into a million different directions. I mean, sky's the limit for Miss Minutes, so it'd be fun to see her alongside other heroes, or villains, or whatever people perceive them to be.

In terms of your entire body of work, which is enormous at this point, you've already done several Marvel animated projects, and DC, you name it. This is probably an impossible question, but Miss Minutes aside, is there another character that stands out as being very special to you?

You know, there's so many. I always say that my favorite job I ever did was The Little Mermaid II, because I was such a big fan of the original and I used to run around impersonating her. So to get in the studio and sing with Jodi Benson, and then they drew my face and animated her onto this mermaid. So that was a very, very special time in my life. But I don't know what horseshoe I was born under, but to get to play Harley and Batgirl... Batgirl I worked alongside Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy. The Powerpuff Girls was so fun, The Fairly OddParents was so fun. And Raven, she's so important, she's just saved so many lives. When I meet kids at cons, they say, "Raven got me through my parents' divorce or depression," or, "I thought I was alone till I met her." I just feel very blessed to have been a conduit for these characters, to bring them to people. And I take that responsibility pretty seriously. I love meeting fans at cons and interacting with them on social. It's really beautiful.

[stopforamoment]

Part Fifteen: Wait for You (Series Eleven, Part 15 of 16)

Series Eleven: It’s uh Movin’ Thing, but Still and All (Sixteen Parts)

Part Fifteen: Wait for You (Series Eleven, Part 15 of 16)

Masterlist

Book: The Royal Romance (After Book Three)

Pairing: Bastien Lykel x OFC Rinda Parks

Word Count: 1,287

Rating: M for Language

Author’s Note: Obligatory disclaimer that Pixelberry Studios owns the TRR characters and my pocketbook with those darn diamond scenes. OFC with all of her quirks is all mine. My apologies if Tumblr or I do something stupid when I try to post this. The keep reading link shows up on my laptop but not my phone. Ugh.

Thank you @asherella-is-a-dork-3​ for always being my sounding board! Thank you @liam-rhys​ and @silviasutton1989 for still being a part of the journey!

Please take time to listen to the song at the end. It makes me happy, and I kept listening to it as I wrote the end of this series.

Triggers: There are going to be some dark themes in this series that deal with the consequences of what happens when parents don’t put their children first. I promise I won’t get graphic, and I’ll tag each section accordingly. This will tie in with future events and another aspect of Bastien and Rinda’s personalities—as individuals and as a couple.

Series Summary: It’s the week of October 14th, the sixth week of the school year. Henry and Rinda are staying in Cordonia, which means that Rinda can now begin to move forward, and backwards, with professional and personal aspects of her life.

One inspiration while I wrote this was a quotation from Zora Neale Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God:

“Love is lak de sea. It’s uh movin’ thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it’s different with every shore.”

The other was these lyrics from the song “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables:

“But the tigers come at night / With their voices soft as thunder / As they tear your hope apart / As they turn your dream to shame.”

Chapter Summary: This jumps back to Friday night after the appreciation dinner. Bastien desperately needs to see Rinda and make sure she knows how much she means to him.

Wait for You

Friday Night after the Appreciation Dinner

When Bastien first met Rinda he could instantly describe her physical features. He could do that with anyone because of his training. But he quickly learned that she was a contradiction of sorts, using her inappropriate sense of humor to diffuse intense situations, appearing insensitive when really she cared too much. Her passion for work, yet she always made sure Henry knew he was her priority. She seemed so professional and confident, yet she had moments of intense insecurity and self-doubt. She could be so shy and so reserved, yet she swore like a sailor and had a wicked sense of humor. She was a loving mother to Henry—and the entire neighborhood of children—yet she had the most chaotic household and laid-back parenting approach when it came to many things. He was still shocked that Rinda was okay with Henry using occasional curse words at home, or watching Rick and Morty, or not making his bed every morning. But if Henry ever spoke rudely to another person or purposely used a word to hurt someone, he immediately felt her wrath. Henry knew to be kind to other people and do his part to protect them, and Rinda always helped Henry talk through ways he could make a difference in his own way.

. . . . .

After Bastien dropped off Drake he drove to Rinda’s house. It was late, and he didn’t even take the time to message that he was coming over. He was still processing, unsure of what to say to her. But he desperately needed to see her.

When he got out of his car, Bastien heard the boys playing in the backyard. The entire neighborhood was in the backyard. Like always. Rinda’s house was the unofficial gathering place for everyone, and right now there were a lot of happy children running around, some playing tag and others playing football. Rinda was sitting in a chair and had a baby monitor next to her—the Manikas boys must be asleep inside—and she was in her banana pajamas, hair down, laughing with Mr. Ariti. But she knew when he was there and she quickly turned around, happy to see him but also ready to tease him. “Bastien, she wasn’t able to retie your tie?” Bastien came over and dropped to his knees. “Tria. I need to talk to you. Please.”

Mr. Ariti quickly spoke. “I’ll stay out here with the kids.” Bastien nodded and stood up. He took Rinda’s hand as he walked inside with her.

Rinda was worried. “Bastien, what’s wrong? Please.”

“We promised we wouldn’t talk about things until the visit was over. And now it is, and I needed to see you right away. Tria, earlier this week Drake yelled at me when we talked about having Vivian on the guest list. Originally he told me to take Vivian off the list, and I didn’t know anything that was going on with her children, and I told him he was overacting. I’m so sorry. And he did tell me something, but he said it to help me realize how badly I fucked up. He told me that when you two first met, you told him that you wished time would stop so you would have time to catch up. Tria, do you still feel that way?”

Rinda shrugged. “No matter how patient you are and how often you reassure me, there’s always going to be someone like Vivian who is more than ready.”

“Tria, you’re the opposite of Vivian in every way.” He saw Rinda tense and he very quickly wrapped his arms around her and kept speaking. “That is one of the highest compliments I could give you. You’re an amazing mother and even though you always put Henry first, you still know how to balance being an incredible teacher and neighbor and friend . . . and Tria. You’re so damn funny and you drive me crazy, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Don’t ever compare yourself to her or anyone else, because you’re my Tria and I love you just the way you are.”

Bastien could feel Rinda’s body start to shake. “I did always wish time would just stop so I could catch up with everyone. Or that there would be someone who would wait for me to get my shit together and who would wait for me to catch up. And you’re doing that, Tiger. But I’m still not there. I’m still not caught up and I still need you to please wait for me, and maybe for Henry too. He loves you, but I don’t know how he would react if . . .” She suddenly stopped, not sure of how she should finish the sentence.

Bastien stared into her hazel eyes. Not dark eyes. Blonde curly hair that was untamable. Not straight, dark hair that was perfect. Someone who needed to step on her tiptoes to hug him, someone he had to lift off the ground or bend down to reach. Not someone who was only a few inches shorter than him and could easily wrap her arms around him. Someone who was clueless about football and needed forever to order a simple meal at a restaurant. Not someone who knew his favorite teams and would watch games with him, who could quickly and competently order a basic meal. Someone who was so generous with her affection, but only when she was ready. Someone who needed the person she was with to earn her trust and love. Someone who hasn’t kissed him on the lips yet, not someone who kissed him on the lips as a casual greeting, as if it meant nothing. Someone who shyly revealed that she wasn’t ready for an intimate relationship yet. Not someone who made it clear she would have sex with him now. Because really, it meant nothing to Vivian. Not everything, like it did for Rinda.

But now Bastien came back to Rinda, who was patiently waiting for him to respond. “You aren’t taking too long. I promise, you’re not.” Bastien gently cupped her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. “Tria, do you want me to keep waiting for you to catch up? Will you let me wait for you, sweetheart? And wait for Henry?”

Rinda looked at Bastien with so much hope in her eyes. They were green eyes that held the promise of new beginnings.

Her voice was a soft whisper. “Yes.”

Then she reached up to gently kiss his forehead. She slowly kissed down his nose, playfully nuzzling the tip of her nose with his. Her left hand cupped his face and he laced his fingers between hers, no ring grazing his skin. Rinda left a trail of kisses down the other side of his face, tracing along his cheekbone, once again nuzzling him with her nose, this time near his mouth.

Then she stopped, her left hand still laced with his, her right hand slowly caressing his face as it moved to his neck, then shoulder. Her lips close to his, she was letting him know that she wanted this, but he was going to be the one to kiss her.

And he did.

Slowly, lovingly. His thumb caressed her cheek as his tongue gently traced her lower lip, seeking permission to deepen their kiss. As Rinda’s fingers ran through his hair and cupped his face again, she gently sucked on his tongue to bring him closer. Bastien heard himself moan as he melted into her kiss, becoming part of that moment where it was only the two of them. Nothing else. And when she gently pulled back from the kiss, she leaned back in so Bastien could rest his forehead against hers.

“I love you, Tria.”

“I love you too, Tiger.”

. . . . .

A/N Take a few minutes to listen to The Crystals “Then He Kissed Me.” 😊

[metalzombiemiss]

Secret--Chapter 3

Characters: Negan x OFC (Lily) Fluff, introductions.  Language, mentions of abuse. This is a bit of a shorter chapter.  Might post chapter 4 later today if my laptop cooperates.  Tagging: @azanoni as requested. If you want tagged, send me a message or an ask and I’ll add you to the list.

Chapter 3

           “Glad you could join us!” Rick hollered.  A smile crept up on Lily’s face, “Hey!  I couldn’t stay away from the delicious smell!” “Go grab a plate and join us,” Michonne stated.  

Lily walked over to the buffet-style spread and helped herself.  She took a seat with the beautiful couple and began to eat.  “So,” Rick began, “Michonne tells me you have a master’s in psychology?”  Lily nodded, “Yeah!  I’m not sure if that’s helpful at all.”  “I think it could be.  After dinner, I want to show you something.  Or rather, I want to introduce you to someone,” he suggested. “Okay.  Yeah.  Um, do you think we could maybe go in the morning?  I’d like to try and get some sleep after dinner,” she responded.

“No problem. After breakfast, then,” he said. “So, I met Carl today,” she changed the subject.  “I heard!” he exclaimed.  “Good kid.” “Well, he can be a good kid.  Teenagers are a handful,” he jested.  She giggled, “I remember being a teenager!”  “Me, too.  I try to be patient.”  “It’s hard, I’m sure.”  “It is. Did you have kids, Lily?” he asked.

She shook her head, “No.  I was pregnant once but…I lost it.” “I’m so sorry,” Michonne rested her hand on Lily’s arm. Lily shrugged, “Honestly, it’s for the best.  The dad was a loser so…I’m okay.” Michonne and Rick looked at each other.  “The one who got bitten?” he asked.  “Yeah…” she replied.

“So, can I ask what happened?” Michonne asked quietly.  “He was hitting me one night...  Forced miscarriage.  Or accidental abortion.  Whatever. He was a piece of shit so it’s better this way,” Lily explained, very distant from reality.  

Rick quickly changed the subject, “So tomorrow after you have breakfast, come by my place and I’ll explain what I’m going to need from you.”  Lily nodded as she took a bite of her potato, “Okay.  Sounds good.”  They continued to chat as they ate.  Lily learned more about Rick and Michonne.  Her brain was still overwhelmed with all of her nightmares as she explained her journey to them.  

“It’s amazing that you survived so long alone,” Michonne said, taking the plates away. “I was determined to stay alive without him.  I’m just glad I found this place.  I’d be dead by now.”  Rick stood up and grinned, “We’re glad you found us, too.  Have a nice night, Lily.  I’ll see you in the morning.”

She made her way back home.  Looks like you’re going to be spending some time with him, she thought.  Her stomach fluttered at the thought.

 The sound of eggs cooking on the stove was one she never thought she’d hear again.  The smell filled her nostrils and she couldn’t help but smile.  I don’t know what I did to deserve this but holy fuck, I’m so happy, she thought as she slid the eggs onto a plate alongside the fresh bread she couldn’t believe existed.  She finished the last bite and took the final sip of her coffee.  She walked over to the front door and slipped on her boots.  Her breath caught in her throat as she prepared herself for the meeting. Time to act like you never have before, her internal monologue demanded.

She walked over to Rick’s, greeting everyone on the way.  The door opened before she could even get onto the porch.  “Good morning!” Rick greeted her with a huge smile. “Morning, Rick!” she exclaimed. “You ready to discuss your job?” “Let’s get started!”  “Come on.  Follow me.”  He shut the door behind him and led her to the makeshift prison.  “Negan was once an extremely dangerous man.  Without his group and without his weapons, he’s nothing. He has a mouth on him but I assure you, he’s harmless now.  What I need from you is to help get him rehabilitated. I want him to help us. Working against each other won’t get us anywhere,” he explained.  

“I mean, I’m pretty rusty but I’ll do my best.  Now, when you say he has mouth…?” she asked, pretending to be completely clueless. “Vulgar.  Curses like a sailor.  Can be offensive,” he listed.  “Well not much offends me so I think I can handle it,” she shrugged.

Rick smirked as he opened the front door to let Lily in.  “I believe that, actually.  You ready?” he prepared her.  She firmly nodded.  He opened the basement door slowly.  “Rick! Really hope you have my mother fucking breakfast!  I’m starving!” That booming voice gave her chills for a reason she couldn’t place. “I’ll bring it later.  I have someone you need to meet.”  Rick said, sternly.

Negan turned around, “You liar.  You did bring my breakfast.  And my, oh, fucking my is she tasty.”  Lily rolled her eyes.  Negan winked and asked, “What’s your name, gorgeous?”  “This is Lily,” Rick lectured, “She’s going to be helping us with your rehab.”  “You don’t say?” he beamed, “I feel like spending time with her is more of a reward than a punishment, Rick.  Have I been that good?!”  “This isn’t going to be a pleasant thing for you so put your dick away,” she snapped. Negan’s eyes got wide, “I’m gonna fucking marry you.”  “Uh huh. We’re going to start with you not hitting on me.  If you don’t stop, I’ll start water boarding you,” she claimed.  “You just made it fucking move…” he whimpered.

“Jesus Christ, Negan,” Rick sighed, “Enough.  You’re going to follow whatever she tells you and if we see real progress, we’ll talk about letting you out of there.  Deal?” Negan smirked.  “I think that will work for me!  I have no problem doing whatever she fucking tells me to.  Say jump, I will ask how god damn fucking high,” he chuckled.  “We’re not off to a good start…” Lily crossed her arms, “Mind giving us a second, Rick?” He nodded and headed upstairs.

As soon as the door shut, Negan expressed his concern, “Water boarding?  Really?  I thought we were friends!”  “No, we’re not.  Looks like you’re my patient.  Do you want to get out of there and have your own place?” she demanded.  He nodded as his eyes fell, “Yeah.  I would like that.”  “So just make an effort to get better or you’ll never get out of here.”

“I’m flattered that you care so much.”  “I don’t care about you.  I just want to prove to Rick that I’m capable.  So, just…behave, okay?  And I’m serious about the hitting on me thing.  Pretending like you’re into me won’t get you anywhere.”  Negan chortled, “I’m not pretending.  You are hot as fucking fuck and I have been fucking imagining you naked since you walked the fuck down here.  Let’s make a deal—every time I open up and talk about my shitty feelings, you take off an article of fucking clothing.  Cool?” She scoffed at his suggestion.

“No.  You’re a fucking idiot.  Seriously, your jokes aren’t funny.”  

“Not a joke, sweetheart.  I mean every fucking single fucking word.  I want to be so deep inside you that we just fucking fuse into one person,” he growled.  “Jesus. Okay.  Your first session will be at lunch time.  We gotta get you out of this habit.”

He laughed, “Come on! There’s no way you’re not fucking turning fucking heads out there with that crazy amazing ass and gravity defying fucking tits!”  “Wow. Goodbye,” she turned on her heel and stormed up the stairs.  “See you in a few hours, beautiful.”  She rolled her eyes as she opened the basement door.

“He’s a handful but I think you can handle him,” Rick greeted her at the top of the stairs. She nodded, “Yeah.  I think I can whip him into shape.”  “Great.  I need to get him his breakfast.  Thank you for being so willing to help,” Rick noted.  “Like I said, I’m a bit rusty but I think I’ll get him to turn a new leaf.”

They walked outside into the Virginia heat.  “Good luck. I’ll check with you weekly about his progress.  After today, I’d like for you to bring him his meals and water.  Get him used to your presence,” he suggested.  “Can do.  I’ll see you later, Rick,” she said.  “Let me know if you need anything.”  

She walked into her house and grabbed a glass of water.  “He is going to be impossible…” she whispered to the empty kitchen.  She sat down at the table and brought her fingers to her temples.  “I need a cigarette.” She laughed at herself for even thinking about it.  She didn’t even smoke but she already could tell what Negan was about to put her through.

[celebritytgcaptions]

Requests (3/16/17)

Okay, so I have been getting a lot of requests in my off time and now I’ve got a chance to check my inbox. So instead of addressing each request in their own post and spamming you guys with it I’m just going to make one long post with each request in it. If you’ve sent me a request or message/ask recently you haven’t seen answered, it’s probably on this post.

Anonymous said:

Do another click and drag!!! Maybe superhero themed? You have the best blog btw

I’ve actually got a click and drag game as the last game of this month! It’s not super hero themed though. It’s a theme which - if I think goes well - I’ll revisit in the future.

Anonymous said

Any chance of a caption where a smart college guy named Rick, gets swapped with Sarah Hylands character on modern family, and force to live out her ditzy, boy filled life?

Sure thing!

Anonymous said:

Could you do another Peyton List caption please.

You got it!

Anonymous said:

Could you please do a caption about a guy named Nate who has to dress like Alicia Silverstone's character from Clueless?

Yep! I haven’t done one with her yet so this could be fun! :)

@destinydueler said:

Probably a lesser known celebrity but always had a crush on her. Could you do something with Arielle Kebbel? Maybe where an guy late 20's early 30's was mean to his new step mother who is younger than him turns him into a female, and first he hates it but whatever she did to turn him into a girl is turning him into an obedient bff step daughter for his step mother, maybe too well like a stepford daughter?

I sort of know who this is so I THINK I can do this. Not entirely sure though. I’ll definitely try. :)

Anonymous said:

A guy who is really smart not a nerd just intelligent he's afraid of losing his intelligence so one day when a dominant girl shows she's smarter he gets mad and curses her out. So she turns him into a stereotypical blonde bimbo where he slowly loses his intelligence the more he defies her. The dom has a thing for dumb girls Thought you could use Ashley Benson as the TG and I know you usually don't show the person who TG'd them but could you use Elizabeth Gillies she's so hot and dominant.

There are no pics of Ashley Benson & Elizabeth Gillies together so I can’t really make that work but I can totally work with having Ashley Benson be the subject in this! :)

@leslievanb said:

can you do a story of a guy named lesley who bumps into Kat von D and becomes her

Sure thing, honey! :)

Anonymous said:

Caption where a mean step son is sissified by her step mother, and all his video games are replaced with barbies, which his step mom makes him play with magically. Like he's his original self on the inside but his outside self is her mom's barbie. The girl used would be Olivia Holt.

Olivia Holt is an adult so I can totally do this. :)

Anonymous said:

I would like to say that I really love your caps and games. They show real imagination and skill. The request I have is for Nicholas a middle class, working family man, who has been worn down by life and work and family. He goes to his high school class reunion and is overcome with regret of a life not lived. The universe feels his pain and his younger self is nudged in the right direction for his or hir happy life. Thank you for ur time

Aww, thank you so much! And I can totally do this! <3

Anonymous said:

Would you be able too do one with Danielle Bregoli?

I don’t know who that is, sorry. :(

Anonymous said:

Can you make a caption where a macho superhero team is turned into frail girly girls who hate fighting? I think I saw a request like this a while ago, but I don't know if the cap ever got made.

I did get a few requests like this a while ago, I’m trying to make it into a game and have been having real progress but a little trouble just making all the pieces work. But this IS something I’m working on, 100%.

@classicccb said:

You should do a choose your destiny game, but it's just random. Have a story about going to comic con as a sexy comic character with your gf but she changes it up and makes you the sexy girl and she's the hero...(or human and your the sexy hero) but all the drinks are regular drinks like a bud light, or whiskey soda and it can be random and unguessable haha idk just a thought

It doesn’t include the comic con aspect or the drinks, but I think you’ll like the game I have going up on April 1st. ;)

Anonymous said:

Do you have any Chloe Bennet caps coming up? If not, can you do one? Thanks!

It looks like I don’t have any in the queue yet so I’ll get one ready for you. :)

Anonymous said:

could you do a caption about a guy named Joseph turned into Brandy please

Totes!

Anonymous said:

Hey, can you do one where a mom turns her ungrateful son into a single mom who has three kids. And could you use Sofia Vergara?

Anonymous said:

I loved your last caption of Grace Phipps and Maia Mitchell! Could you please make another one?

I think I should be able to. Just a matter of finding the right image. :)

Anonymous said:

I really like that Ariana pic you did where the boy was turned into a different version of her. Think you can do one with Eliza Dushku, maybe a boy met her at a convention and she overheard him say she was so much hotter in Bring it on then now. So she turns him into that version of her, and he's forced to be her sissy chearleader and do little chants and routines for her and with every cheer he does he loses a bit of his true self?

Oh yeah! I LOVE Eliza Dushku! And her Bring It On character is a lot of fun to work with! (I’m also a bit of a sucker for cheerleaders, if you haven’t noticed.)

Anonymous said:

Are planning on making anther Selena Gomez caption ? I love your captions so much by the way!

Aww, thanks sweetie! :) And I’ve got one with Selena in the queue right now. It comes out on Tuesday it looks like!

Anonymous said:

Hi, I was wondering if you could make a caption with Ariana Grande from the one of the episodes of Victorious , where she is wearing a blonde wig?

I actually JUST made a GIF cap with her in that wig! That’ll come out like in the second half of April. :)

Anonymous said:

Could you create a caption involving a guy who is forced to work at a diner as Beth Behrs character Caroline Channing?

Oh yeah, totally! I’ve been meaning to work with Beth Behrs and that show. :)

Anonymous said:

On your caption with Ariana turning that hacker into her character from Victorious you mentioned he went through training, hypnosis, and hormones, think you could make a prequel cap of the hypnosis?

I could try but it might not really work out since there’s already a cap talking about what became of the character, you know? I don’t know how well I can write a cap which is just, “this is the hypnosis,” and have it be interesting. So I’ll try but I might not end up posting it.

Anonymous said:

Hey, could you do one where a guy who slut shames women, gets trapped in the body of Miley Cyrus and forced to do all the slutty stuff she does at her concerts?

Sure thing! I might not make the girl name Miley, but it’ll definitely be her image and this gist.

Anonymous said:

Hi could you do a cap with Rachel Keller. Please i love your caps so much

You bet! :)

Anonymous said:

Thanks so much for the Carly cap! <333 I loved it!

You’re welcome! I’m glad you liked it. :)

Anonymous said:

First of all, i love your work. I have a request for a caption for ya. Have a guy named Matthew be turned into a girl by his sister. I would prefer the celebs to be Debby Ryan, Katy Perry, Anna Kendrick, Jennifer Lawrence, or Emma Watson. Thanks in advanced!!

You’re welcome in advance. :) And yes, I can totally work with this!

[shimmershae]

Kiss Me (a series of Walking Dead One Shots, Caryl).

So.  I stumbled on some prompts about kissing.  And because the shipper in me is almost always inwardly screaming this to our babies every time they're in close proximity onscreen, I decided why the hell not. 

 I can't promise frequent updates because I'm still struggling with writer's block like whoa, but there were 15 prompts in all, I believe, so expect me to add to this collection as inspiration and time allows. 

 Due to the nature of some of the prompts, some of the one shots will be AU's.  Some will be set in the ZA. 

 I hope you enjoy. 

 The first prompt is at a prom.  And yeah.  It's AU, lol, because could you imagine? 

 Some language, mild angst, and fluff under the cut.  Other characters making appearances and mentioned will be tagged. 

 Oh, and any typos are all mine.  I've read and reread through this thing several times, but I'm only human.  Let me know if there are any hugely glaring ones, and I'll do some editing. 

Kiss Me

  At a prom

      Carol has to hand it to them.  This year’s prom theme is certainly memorable. 

  “Still can’t believe Principal Monroe went for it.” 

  She bites back a smile, an effort to quell the butterflies suddenly taking flight in her belly that ultimately fails.  “Hmm,” she hums instead and takes a well-timed sip of her punch as one of her fellow chaperones sidles up next to her, their elbows brushing just barely as he reaches for his own cup of punch.   

  “Looks like blood.” 

  She smirks into her cup, takes another sip before responding.  “Pretty sure that’s the point.”  The newest and most talked about member of King County High’s staff, her gruffly handsome colleague Daryl Dixon was a man of relatively few words (although Lori swore he was positively chatty in Carol’s presence) whereas his predecessor, the kindly inquisitive Mr. Horvath, had decidedly not been.  It gave him an air of mystery that many of the hormone-fueled girls (and some of the boys) flocked to like moths to a flame, and enrollment in the school’s agriculture classes had more than doubled since the end of Dale’s tenure a year ago.  She should know, as her home economics classes were housed in the same building.  As a result, enrollment in her classes had increased, too.  And wouldn’t you know it?  She’s been making a fool of herself around the man ever since with shy smiles and oftentimes awkward, stumbling bits and pieces of conversation.  “Look around.  It’s the Apocalypse.” 

  “Pfft.  Really?  What kind?” 

  Zombies, kids in homemade Hazmat suits, aliens, even a few Mad Max types...he definitely has a point.  “At least the punch is good.” 

  “Pretty sure it’s spiked,” he says, downing the remainder of his cup and quickly grabbing the ladle to top it back off.

  “No!”  She frowns in disbelief before taking another tentative sip.  It tastes sweet, almost sickeningly so, but the gymnasium around them is crowded with teenaged bodies and Spring is just Summer-lite in Georgia.  With sweat pearling in the well of her throat and her curly hair starting to stick to the back of her neck in a frizzing mess, she’ll gladly take sweet over the alternative.  “I don’t believe you.” 

  He shrugs, gives her a curled lip little half smile.  “Believe what you wanna believe." 

  That smile does things to Carol, reawakens parts of her best left ignored.  But not even thoughts of her six-year-old daughter and the possible mischief Carl has enticed her into stirring up at the babysitter’s expense is enough to do it.  She throws back the rest of her own cup to combat the sudden dryness in her throat and holds it out for more. 

  “Thirsty?”   

  You have no idea.  She simply nods, and that half smile grows exponentially, shows off a gleaming set of teeth that looks positively predatory to her lust-muddled way of thinking.  She’s clearly not the only one because they soon amass a small crowd around them, roughly half a dozen giggling girls and one of her most prized pupils.  “Mr. Rhee,” she murmurs.  “Don’t you look…ghastly?” 

  Glenn takes her comment as high praise, his stature straightening and his grin positively beaming.  “Thanks.” 

  “No wonder the kid ain’t got no date,” Daryl mutters beneath his breath as one of the eyeballs attached to the teen’s costume glasses slinks forward then springs back. 

  His hand finds its way to the small of her back when she promptly starts choking, but Carol flinches forward, waving him and the rest of the concerned onlookers off.  “I’m okay.  I’m fine.”  Contrary to popular belief, she’s not completely clueless.  She’s heard bits and pieces of the gossip circulating the hallways and what little that has escaped her ears, Lori’s been sure to keep her up to speed.  Even if she does rag her about Daryl’s willful butchering, as she puts it, of the English language.  As two single, reasonably attractive adults of a viable age, they’ve captured the imagination of more than a few in the student body.  Just standing next to each other is more fuel for the fodder, she knows, and the deep blush on her cheeks, well.  She could claim a lot of reasons for it but Maggie Greene and Tara Chamblers?  Rosita Espinosa and Sasha Williams?  Amy Harrison?  They definitely wouldn’t buy it.  “I’m fine.  Really.” 

  Shane swoops in then and Glenn and the girls scatter with no small amount of tittering. 

  At the last second, Amy hangs back, shouts, “Cool costume, Coach Walsh!”

  “Impressive shiner,” Daryl says by way of greeting.  “Boss lady’s kid nail you?” 

  “Kid’s given me nothing but lip ever since I started dating her sister.”  Shane grumbles and (not-so) covertly flips the girl off before turning back to them.  Glancing over at Carol, he grunts out a laugh, dances around Daryl’s question.  “No, Man.  I wish.” 

  On cue, Lori joins them, rubbing one restless hand over her pregnant belly and touching Carol’s elbow with the other.  “Go ahead, Shane.  Tell him how you got the black eye,” she encouraged, as she and Carol shared a smile between friends.  “If you don’t, I will.”   

  “Fuckin’ T-ball practice.  I’m telling you, Carol.  That girl of yours…she’s little but she’s mighty.  Hear what I’m saying?  Packs a punch and has a helluva arm.  Shit aim, though.” 

  “No worse than Carl’s,” Lori reminds him with a laugh. 

  “No worse than Carl’s,” Carol agrees with a distracted smile.  She’s too busy trying to decipher the look clouding Daryl’s normally clear blue eyes.  It’s a fruitless effort, though, because it’s unreadable, just as guarded as always. 

  “Shane,” Lori teasingly singsongs.  “Fix me and the baby some punch.” 

  “You kiddin’?” Shane scoffs as he leads her away with a supportive hand hovering over her back.  “You ain’t touching that stuff.  My buddy Rick would…” 

  “Guess it really does have a little something extra in it.” 

  Daryl’s eyes narrow, but his lips twitch with the makings of a repressed smile as he studies her.  “You believe him and not me?” 

  Flustered, Carol explains, “Known him longer is all.  You, I barely know.” 

  “Fair enough,” Daryl allows with a dip of his chin.  “Listen, you wanna…” 

  “I’m sorry I…” Carol says at the same time.  “Sorry.  Sorry.”  Waving a hand in front of her flushed face, she worries her bottom lip between her teeth.  “Do you want to get some air?  It’s stifling in here.” 

  “Sure,” Daryl answers easily enough.  Shane and Lori are off in a quiet little corner, Lori’s swelling feet propped up in a chair and Shane holding up her phone while she FaceTimes her husband at work, but their other colleagues are taking their chaperone duties much more seriously, watching the students with eagle eyes.  “Mamet and Porter got this.” 

  Outside isn’t all that better, but Carol breathes a little easier all the same.  Too bad her heart picks up the slack, beating away inside her chest, because damn.  Without any other distractions, she notices just how good he looks.  He always looks good to her, too good, but tonight?  It’s not just the mugginess of a typical April night in the South making her melt.  The dark blue button-down he’s wearing is certainly more on the casual side, but it stretches snugly across his broad shoulders and molds lovingly to his upper body, and she, for one, isn’t complaining.  Catching him and herself off-guard, she blurts out a compliment.  “You look nice.” 

  “Pfft.” 

  “I mean it.  You look handsome.”  If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he were blushing, but the moon’s light is hazy at best as it peeks in and out of the night clouds, and she already feels like she’s staring, so she ducks her head. 

  “Handsome, huh?” 

  Carol sighs, pleased and more than a little bit exasperated by the situation she’s landed herself in.  Get some air?  Right.  Now she’s having trouble breathing again because he’s so close, close enough to touch, and she wants nothing more than to reach out to him, but there are so many reasons why that’s a bad idea.  Besides, she can still hear the laughter and the music from inside, muted but just beyond a set of double doors.  “Now you’re just fishing for compliments.  It’s…it should be unattractive.” 

  “Like you having a kid?”

  Her head snaps up, and her heart drops all the way to her feet.  “Wh-what did you just say?” 

  “That why you never mentioned her?” 

  “I don’t know what you’re…Daryl,” she sputters.  “We barely know each other, and Sophia?  She’s the most special person in my life.  Her well-being is more important to me than any crush could ever be.  Where is this even coming from?  It’s not like I’ve kept her a secret.” 

  The doors crash open behind them before he has time to formulate a response, and a fraught silence settles between, one that lasts until the laughing couple gets in their car and drives away.  When their tail-lights are nothing but a memory, he speaks again, his voice a low, husky rasp.  “You didn’t hear me right.  Said it should be.  Least that’s what me and my brother were raised to think.  But it ain’t.” 

  Softly, she murmurs, “It’s not?” 

  “It ain’t,” he repeats just as quietly.  “What you say…”

  He’s close again, and this time she does reach out, smooths a shaky hand over the back of his wrist, up his forearm.  “Daryl?” 

  “What you say me and you get to know each other a little better?” 

  Carol takes her time answering him, but that’s only because her heart has leapt back into her throat, beating away fiercely and making it difficult for her to formulate words.  He doesn’t know that, though, and endearingly, the man of few words starts rambling.  Already, he’s spoken more words to her in one night than probably the whole time they’ve known each other.   

  “Wanna be more than a crush.  Wanna be important.  Christ.  I wanna…” 

  “Daryl.”  She stops him by covering his mouth with her hand and can’t bite back the smile when his lips press warmly, unconsciously, against her palm in response.  “Okay.” 

  “Okay?  We can talk.  ‘Bout your kid even if you want.  Maybe someday I can meet her?” 

  “Okay,” she grins as his eyes glow at her in the darkness. 

  “You’re beautiful,” he blurts when she removes her hand, drops it to rest on his shoulder.  “So fuckin’ pretty.” 

  “If you’re trying to get me to kiss you…” 

  “S’it working?” 

  Carol pulls herself up on her tiptoes, both hands sliding up the back of his neck to his shaggy hair, and smiles at him, her eyes lingering on his utterly appealing mouth.  “Yes.” 

  “Yeah?” 

  “You can stop talking right…about…now.”  With each pause between words, they’ve moved closer and closer together, noses fitting against each other and lips ghosting until his hands find her waist and close the rest of the distance between them.  The sweet, innocent press of their lips doesn’t last long, and she soon finds herself with her back against the gymnasium wall and his rough hands tangled in her hair, lost to the rest of the outside world as they explore the wonders of each other’s mouths.  But all good things must come to an end, after all, and catcalls and good-natured whistles break them apart.  She hides her face in Daryl’s broad shoulder as hearty, teenaged congratulations go around. 

  “Get it, Mr. Dix!” 

  “About damn time!” 

  “I knew it!  I knew it!” 

  “Aww.  You two make such a cute couple!” 

  Until one commanding voice quiets them all.  “Enough!  Show’s over!  Back inside or vacate the premises!  Everyone!” 

  One by one, the teens comply, and Carol and Daryl find themselves alone in the company of their boss.  Speaking of little but mighty…Carol can’t find the words, and Daryl, unfortunately, reverts back to form.  “That include us?” Carol mumbles hopefully when he remains tongue-tied. 

  Principal Deanna Monroe props her hands on her hips, makes them sweat it out for a few seconds before answering.  “That depends.”

  Daryl finally rediscovers his voice.  “On?” 

  “Two things,” the diminutive woman smirks.  “One, you keep your hands to yourselves inside.  These are impressionable children we’re responsible for.” 

  “Done,” Carol promises.  “And two?” 

  “You guilt Walsh into donating his winnings.” 

  “Winnings?  The hell?” 

  “Don’t judge him too harshly.  A few more days, and let’s just say, my debate team would have benefited handsomely.”  With that, she leaves them with their jaws hanging open and their eyes wide. 

  Carol’s the first one to break, and Daryl soon follows her, smirking at the laughter that spills endlessly from her kiss-bruised lips. 

  “C’mere.” 

  “Daryl." 

  “You heard the lady.  M’not ready to let you go yet.” 

  One kiss melts into two melts into three and this time?  They’re both breathless. 

[noplanwithavan]

ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME…AND ETNA.

Most parents avoid putting their children in harm’s way.  If there was a “Parenting for Dummies” handbook, surely the first piece of sage advice would be:

1. ”Children have a limited sense of danger, and are reliant on parents for protection. Failure to do so may result in premature expiration of said offspring.”

With that guiding principle in mind, I wonder how we came to find ourselves heading straight for Europe’s most active volcano, right after it had just erupted..Oh, maybe because point number 2 of that handbook should read, “Life is there to be lived. Always choose adventure over fear.”

And so it came to pass. We found ourselves making a bee-line for the football just off the boot of Italy, otherwise known as Sicily. When we read an account of a BBC journalist fleeing for her life under attack from projectile lava last week, it was a done deal. “How do you feel about going to see Mount Etna girls?” asked Marcus, eyes glistening before images of dramatic fireworks and oozing red rivers. I could sense a mission coming on, a plan forming. There was a split second when we pondered if this was such a great idea. And then it passed. After all, what’s a volcano without an element of risk? Surely that’s part of the appeal.

It’s been a whirlwind month so far, veering from extreme sports to ancient history all within a few weeks. We started March in Andorra - meeting up with Marcus’s family for a ski holiday. We are so grateful to Ros Beck for her generosity and patience in spearheading a frenetic but fun-filled week! Six grandchildren in one place, all vying for the title of extreme fearlessness is not anyone’s idea of a relaxing break. But we were all bowled over at how well the kids adapted to the slopes, lapping up the kind of intuitive instructions which makes it so much easier to acquire a new skill than an adult learner. Legs in “pizza” meant snowplough, whereas “chips” was parallel. And with those two ideas in mind, they got it. Lulu earned the nickname “ski bomber” after trailing along in a caterpillar behind Caspar, Willem, Delphi and Sam. Too small for ski poles, she couldn’t shoost herself along so well as the others, but quickly worked out that by crouching as low to the ground as possible she could really turn on the gas. It was a pose reminiscent of “Eddie the Eagle” - short on finesse, but blessed with a low centre of gravity.

When the Becks left en masse we were somewhat bereft. Since Morocco, Andorra had been our last significant landmark - something to head for, dare I say it, a plan. Now what we were supposed to do? Well the first thing was to take advantage of Andorra’s tax-free status to buy a new iPhone. We had scared family half to death with our prolonged periods of silence. After a month of more tragic than comic attempts to replace the one I lost, buying every gadget under the sun to bolster a secondhand Gibraltan rip off, with as much life in it’s battery as a dead parrot, enough was enough. And with that accomplished, we found a new urgency to take things under control, to be masters of our fate. “Let’s go to Italy,” I ventured. “There’s a ferry from Barcelona to Civitavechia, just north of Rome.” It’s moments like these I love about the life we’re leading. The pure beauty of the fact you CAN. No need to fill your time with anything you don’t want to do. To wait or put off today what you hope for tomorrow. And after nearly 7 months on the road it’s still thrilling, the realisation that you can pose the question, “Where do we want to go?” And then…just go.

Our battles with batteries were not over yet however. With just a few hours to spare before we boarded the overnight ferry, we returned to the van to discover the headlights had been left on. I had that prickling-sweat-on-the-back-of-the-neck feeling at the sound of a lifeless ignition. We asked around for jump leads but without success, so Marcus decided to try and use the spare leisure battery to kick start it. He didn’t look confident, and kept muttering under his breath about how this could be “really bad.” After all, up until now the principle role of the leisure battery had been purely in keeping the freezer cold enough to make ice for our Gin and Tonics. The girls and I knew better though - with blind faith we stepped back and let him get on with it. Within minutes, the engine roared. We were going to make our sailing. “I knew you could do it Daddy!” they cried. “ He’s REALLY GOOD at fixing things isn’t he?” I heard them gossiping to each other.

Emerging from our cabins the next morning, we meet a Swedish couple during breakfast, and later a father and son from Argentina. We are clueless about free camping options in Italy, whereas the Argentinians seem to know something, or at least they said they did. Marcus returns triumphant just before we’re about to disembark. “We’re going to team up and travel in convoy,” he beams. “This should be fun!” Before long a welshman, an Argentinian and a Swede snake their way out of port, and I chuckle at how we make an eclectic international mix, full of camaraderie and a willingness to help complete strangers. The bonhomie fades somewhat when the duo from Buenos Aires lead us on a merry dance - and the Swede starts to question their navigational abilities. But after a few dead ends and detours, they deliver the goods, pulling up alongside Castle San Salver by the sea.

It never fails to amaze me how happy the girls are in whatever environment they find come the morning. At one point there was a lot of sibling rivalry going on, but they seem to be getting on a lot better now. And with no toys, and no-one but each other to play with, their creativity really shines. While I sit there worrying that we need more direction and a new focus, they play happily - making dens, building sculptures, mixing potions, setting up shops, even at one time creating their own imaginary city and offering guided tours. I’m invited into this game and it’s fascinating to hear the jumble of ideas and influences come spilling out. Elsie’s verbal diarrhoea really flourishes under such circumstances. At one point she explains we’ve arrived at the town square, “That’s where the government is,” she says. “He’s very corrupt, but the good news is he’s not actually a dictator.”

Maybe its the impetus from the signs of Spring we see all around us. Purple wisteria decking the walls, beech nut trees in early bud. Or perhaps its the invigorating sight of bountiful produce in the supermarkets. (Italy has much more variety than Spain, and we’re now spoilt for choice in the cheese, fresh pasta and salad department). Whatever it is, a new phase is beginning, and it’s time to make our next move. We hold a family meeting about what we want. Top of the list comes Romans, followed by danger (in the form of volcano hunting), and finally working again on a farm. After a few enquiries we receive a reply from a family with an 8 year old daughter in Southern Italy, near Bari. It’s a tense moment opening their message. I’ve discovered the following paradox: potential rejection feels most absolute precisely when what you are offering is free of charge. Yet success! We’ve been vetted as volunteer workers and deemed desirable. They would love for us to come and stay. Now we can afford to bargain..yeah sure we reply, we’ll be there, right after we’ve hit the historical and geographical highlights this great country has to offer.

We skirt the nearby Lago Bracciano, and from here, of course, all roads lead to Rome. It’s time to crack open the heavyweight research material, a voluminous tome that will tell us all we need to know about this ancient civilisation. “Here we are girls,” I say, brushing off one of the few essential textbooks we’ve brought along on this trip. “Finally, it’s time….for the “ROTTEN ROMANS!” It whets their appetites and sets in motion a series of stories and gruesome tales which leaves them spellbound for the next few weeks. The route towards the capital is our first real taste of Italian driving. It’s predictably awful - a terrifying cocktail of aggressive drivers, crazy spaghetti junctions, and jarring pot holes. “They may have given us roads,” remarks Marcus, “But they’re not great at repairing them - some of these don’t look like they’ve been filled in since Roman times.”

We leave our van in a secure parking garage, and its location puts me in mind of another Roman story. We’re on the Via Appia, where early Christians were crucified, and where Spartacus met his death along with his band of rebel slaves. For the next two days of sightseeing, his story sets the tone. The girls walk for hours, listening to me narrating, fuelled by Gelato, Pizza, and the cliff-hangers I leave each chapter dangling upon. Spartacus helps bring alive the gruesome, gory details of the Colosseum, which they love. They’ve always had a penchant for the macabre. And the part about the trapdoors underneath the arena spewing out terrible creatures to maul defenceless victims appears to really fire their imaginations. For a slightly more accurate historical perspective we found a great alternative to the pricey tour guide touts. Rather than pay astronomical fees of over 100 Euros per site, we dowloaded a free app by Rick Steves, with an audio commentary the kids could easily follow. I can’t get over the fact we’re actually in Rome, it is everything and more than I hoped. At the heart of the old city, each direction you look is truly awesome, and there can be nowhere on Earth which holds a candle to such imperial grandeur.

We visited the Vatican and missed the Pope. It was a Sunday and he was addressing the masses at the beginning of Lent. Arriving at St Peter’s Square and going against the flow of incoming crowds, we thought there was enough time to nip in for a quick sandwich before we caught a glimpse. There wasn’t. As we emerged, the scarlet flag hanging from a window up high (which apparently indicates  his presence) was just being rolled in. Stomach before Religion. My poor Irish Catholic Grandmother would not have been impressed.

Next stop is Pompei. The long drive is a seemingly endless urban sprawl, but the monotony is broken up when we pass a place called “Angri”, then spot another sign saying “Foof”. The girls find this particularly amusing given it’s the name they use to refer to their vagina. Never one to miss out on toilet-based humour, Elsie pipes up, “There was a town called ‘Poo’ in Spain too!” The story of Mount Vesuvius erupting in 79 AD and destroying Pompei is one of the girls favourites. It’s long been a source of fascination, hearing about whatever fictional characters I can summon managing to escape the deadly pyroclastic flow that fateful day. They’re excited to finally see it all with their own eyes. We only do a portion, picking the best bits, and they love many of the small details. The wide streets with the stepping stones for pedestrians, the holes they can spot in the pavements for fixing rings to harness a horse, the cats eyes in the flooring made from white marble to help people see at night, and the fantastically preserved mosaic of a dog by a front door which reads “Cane Canum (Beware of the Dog). Less cultured is their preference for pointing out big willies whenever they see one - and there are quite a few - on the many exquisite frescos. Towards the end we visit a brothel, complete with stone beds and even pillows. I have a go at explaining what they are, “Good luck with that,” says Marcus, drifting away. In the end I settle on a description as a brothel is a place where lady slaves have to work, lying down next to smelly sailors who want to look and kiss them. This seems to suffice, and they don’t push me on why its necessary to do this lying down.  

Ten years ago Marcus and I spent a few days in Naples, and loved it. Our only regret was that we failed to get a seat at “Pizzeria da Michele” - one of the top pizza joints in town. It filled up early, but this time we’re prepared, catching an early train in. By 11.45am there’s still a queue, but we’re soon seated, and presented with only two choices, Pizza Margherita (tomato, mozzarella and basil) or Pizza Marinara (tomato, garlic, oregano). The girls loyally proclaim their dad’s pizza tastes better cooked in our pizza oven at home. But I have to disagree, even Marcus can’t compete with Napoli’s tomatoes. We’re keen to show the girls the city’s gritty, scruffy charm. We’ve noticed on this trip how much they love to watch people making things, any form of artistic endeavour draws them like moths to a flame. They love the street dedicated to model makers, edging closer to peer at the mechanised scenes and study tiny ceramic legs being carefully painted. Marcus buys some small body parts to replace ones he bought here a decade ago which got smashed when he turned the music up too loud. There’s plenty of life to feast our eyes upon as we wander down the narrow intersecting streets rising upwards, layered washing hanging above us like flags.

All that remains is a volcano, and after taking a vote we decide to pass on Vesuvius and head instead for Europe’s most active volcano, Mount Etna. It’s going to cost a lot more money - driving all the way down to Italy’s toe, catching the ferry across to Sicily, and paying for the compulsory guide - but if you’ve got the chance to choose, why not make it into a real adventure? Spirits are running high, we camp by the beach across the water from Siciliy. That night to shake off the long drive there’s a disco in the van, playing the tracks loud and flashing patterns all around with a green laser we bought in Rome. Next morning Marcus spearfishes a bass and the girls collect bottles to put messages inside, casting them overboard on the short crossing, now our fifth ferry ride . We’re over in 20 minutes, and make straight towards Mount Etna, the landscape turning black and craggy as we approach. Climbing up into the wilderness we camp on the South East side, at the foot of the Valley de Bove. It’s one of the best wild spots yet, and you can lie in bed watching the crater pumping out smoke overhead.

Higher up, it becomes other-worldy. Snow, ash and black rock combine to create a kind of lunar scene. At it’s summit, 3,350 metres high, there are numerous craters. Pockmarking the flanks we spot several nest-like sink holes, reminders of previous activity. There are warning signs informing visitors its forbidden to go beyond 2,500 m without a guide (due to a series of eruptions this month). After some investigation we calculate it’s going to cost us 250 euros to get as near to the central craters as the authorities will allow - 100 euros for us to go up on a cable car, and a further 150 to be taken higher up in a specialist piste basher snow mobile with a guide. In a move to save money the girls agree to hike as far as they can. Fuelled by more chapters of Spartacus and a spin-off series by Marcus called “Fartacus”, 2 hours later we make it to the top of the cable car. From here its a typically Italian ramshackle affair, and people appear to be ignoring the instructions not to wander off alone. Sighting tourists crunching their way over hardened snow wearing only slip-on shoes, we ask if the girls can make it a bit father. The promise of extra Easter Eggs provides the incentive they need, and we creep ever higher, ignoring the warning signs, past the piste bashers and within sight of sulphurous rock at the peak. To our side are long roads of humped black lava flow, and a metallic sound alerts Marcus to peer closer. A heat shimmer is coming off of one, and on closer inspection nestled within is the glow of red lava, rocks tossing and tumbling over each other as they prepare to settle into a solid mass. I’m not sure what I’m more amazed by - this sight, or the fact the girls managed a 5 hour trek without one single meltdown. The next week is filled with volcano-wonder, trekking into the Valle de Bove to see the ancient swirling lava fields, gazing across up high at Etna from the Greek temple of Taormina, and visiting the Etna Museum. Despite keeping a watch we don’t see any fresh eruptions, but it doesn’t matter - we’ve made it our mission to have one big adventure in Italy, and so far it hasn’t disappointed.

[dfnews]

Episode Recrap of "The Bachelor Party"

Season 3, Episode 4 - February 6, 2017

From TV Guide;"Jeremy's bachelor party and Jinger's bachelorette affair bring together friends and family after weeks of wedding planning. Meanwhile, Jessa and Ben learn the gender of baby No. 2; and Derick goes back to his alma mater, Oklahoma State University to reprise his role as the school's mascot, Pistol Pete." In other words...another boring bachelor party, another ultrasound not done by a doctor, and again Derick goes back to his alma mater. I'm already bored.

1. Sex Party:  The episode begins at the Jim Bob owned house that he allows Benessa and Spud to live in. Actually, it's grandma Mary's house but I'm pretty sure Jim Bob has taken control over most of his mother's assets by now. He just allows her to keep the properties in her name. Anyway, Ben explains they are getting ready to go to an "ultrasound place" to get a cute 3D photo and find out the sex of the baby without actually having to see a real doctor. Jana and Joy beg to go along to find out the sex. The producers ask Benessa why they want to keep the baby's sex secret and Jessa says, "To torture everyone. Just kidding". They say it's just fun. I think it's more fun if they don't even find out and are surprised at the birth just like in the olden days they so love and want to drag us all back to kicking and screaming.

2. Pity Party:  The producers ask the kidults what they think Jessa is going to have, beyond just another brainwashed fundie. Most think it's going to be a boy. Jill surprisingly says, "I think Derick says he thought maybe they're having a girl so I said I'm gonna pick what he picks because he's always right, I'm always wrong."  Well, Derick isn't always right. Jessa had a boy. Actually, from what I read on his social media, he's almost always wrong. Jill, you need to tell Derick to shove it if he is making your feel that you're always wrong about dumb shit like this. Mental and emotional abuse is not okay.

3. Party At The Convent:  Jeremy's back in town to "party" with the Duggars and friends. On their way to the airport, Jeremy and Jinger have a fourteen year old brother chaperoning them. Horny fourteen year old boys are great at suppressing sexual urges in others. (sarcasm) Josh was fourteen when he started his incestuous molestation criminal spree. Maybe they should hire a nun to follow these courting couples around. One smack with a ruler to the crotch and no birth control will ever be needed. Jeremy's bachelor party will consist of playing golf. He has no interest in running around and partying. That already put him behind bars a few years ago. Lesson learned. Jessa's bachelorette party will consist of jewelry making. She says they don't drink or dance...neither do I....but jewelry making?! Ick! That's something preteen girls do at a slumber party.

4. Duggar Dinner Party: Jeremy's friends meet the numerous Duggars at the tin mansion. Jim Bob shows up from wherever he's been to appear in this scene. I was starting to think he had been shipped off to Christian rehab. After dinner, the friends and other kidults go off to participate in an escape room adventure. This might be the most secular and interesting thing they've ever participated in. They are sure to fail.

5. Escape Room Party:  For some reason, it's guys against girls. The guys piddle around and end up dying. Then the girls enter. It doesn't start well when one of the girls walks in and says, "Oh wow! It's a kinda room!" The fun starts right away when they begin breaking the furniture in the escape room. They know TLC will pay for the damage. In the end, the girls got further along in the game than the guys but they also died in the pretend volcanic eruption.  I wonder if the producers helped them along a bit to try to show that these uneducated girls are smart and the educated (some of the guys) are dumb losers as a way to push the fundies' lame agenda that people don't need to have an education in order to be saved from exploding volcanoes. I beg to differ.

6. Golf Party:  Jeremy comes to the golf course dressed in knickers. He's out to "intimidate". I'm wondering why none of the Duggar brothers were invited to golf or did they just choose not to go. Is golfing on the same par as dancing? Pun intended.  What happens after the first lousy tee off is something from the Three Stooges. I'm just feeling blessed that Jim Bob didn't go on this trip and hump someone as he did on the minigolf course. I'm also feeling blessed that Derick didn't puke on the green. The producers ask the Duggars to describe certain golf terms and again they all embarrass themselves but I thought I would never see the day where I would rather hear Ben speak than Derick. There is something seriously wrong with that dude. Jessa describes a putter as "It's a special task like a little dude who runs around and grabs your balls." My first laugh of this episode. Maybe for the season. Yes Jessa, It's a little dude who grabs balls. Josh is now working as a putter in his spare time. I guess the producers and the Duggars think it's funny to have them answer questions that they have no clue how to answer. I think most of us just groan at them about how they enjoy exploiting their own ignorance.

7. Jewelry Party: Make me a noose necklace. They are making jewelry that the bridesmaids will wear at the wedding. Michelle and the older girls are there as well as Josie. I'm sure Josie was thrown into this scene to again push their anti-abortion agenda because she was a survivor of an abortion. If the Duggars succeed in making it illegal for women like Michelle to stop a pregnancy due to medical emergencies then children like Josie and her mommy will die. We all have to hope the Duggars never succeed in overturning anything but a golf cart. Be truly pro-life! The jewelry topic soon turns to first kisses which gives them the opportunity to show old clips of other weddings. Joy talks about missing Jinger when she moves. She says Jinger does all the grocery shopping and all of the laundry. What the heck does Michelle do is the age-old question. I know! She spends her time researching Bible verses that are about how to guilt your children into being your slaves.

8. Party of Fools: Back at Jill and Derick's mansion witch is really Jim Bob's mansion, Jill is letting Izzy drink cold tomato sauce out of a can with a straw. Of all my years working with children, I have never heard of anyone allowing a child to drink tomato sauce. It is too acidic and full of salt and sugar. Jill says it's Izzy's favorite snack. Later we find out that Derick's dad died of long term complications from having high blood pressure. That alone is a great reason to keep his grandson away from high sodium products. Jill and Derick need to attend parenting classes fast!  Derjill are going to OSU again! To be Pistol Pete, again! They're taking grandma Cathy this time. Derick reminisces about his father who was also Pistol Pete. Time to play, The Duggars are Idiots game! The producer asks them, "What is homecoming." The Duggars are absolutely clueless and proud of it. Jeremiah finally admits, "We're homeschooled. We don't know what that is." They don't know much about nothing.

9. The Party's Over: After the parade and terrifying Izzy with the Pistol Pete costume the family heads to the university to walk down memory lane. We have learned in this episode that Derick has little mind of his own. He took up the same sports as his dad. He went to the same college as his dad. He became Pistol Pete like his dad.  I'm surprised he didn't become a cop like his dad. Jill then breaks a commandment by lying. She says her parents have said that after finishing homeschool high school that her siblings can choose to go to college. BULL PUCKY!  Jill has said in the past that she wanted to go to college to become an RN but her parents said no. They instead encouraged her to take online classes to become a barely a midwife. Josh had long talked about becoming a lawyer and that never happened. Joseph went for one year to get some useless Bible certificate at a Christian college but that was not really getting a college education. The Duggar kids are brainwashed from birth to not even think about college. They think it's Satan's playground plus they're too cheap and people are easier to control when they have less education. Jill, stop breaking commandments and tell the truth. Stop covering up for your parents' crazy beliefs. The Dillards then visit Derick's old dorm and tell the story of Rick Dillard's death which brings this episode to a grinding halt. The party is definitely over.  

[writingdreamy-blog]

Loss of Yesterday, Looking Forward to Tomorrow ch 10

Fandom: The Walking Dead

Pairing: Rick/OC

Warning: talks of suicide

Note:

"Doesn't mean we can't stop her" Lori replied, "Or let her know I care". Lori moved to the side to allow the girls inside, however she led them to the kitchen... still reluctant to let anybody but family inside the house, call it the mom instinct. The trio began working on dishes and food in general.

"Tell me, Andrea, when you wanted to die… Yes, Dale did talk a little bit about it, he is very proud he helped you live… are you still trying to die?" Eva asked, she glanced from the side of her vision to Andrea who now looked a little uncomfortable.

"If the time comes, then Dale won't be able to stop me" Andrea sighed, "Beth only has so many choices in front of her, and she believes the best choice is suicide".

"That isn't an option" Lori argued.

"Yes, it is" Andrea countered "She doesn't need to be yelled at or be treated like a kid" Andrea looked at Eva.

"Uh, yes she does! She's only 16, she is a child still" Eva hissed.

"So, what does she need a loaded gun?" Lori asked sarcastically, "You'll understand when I don't send you in there, right?"

"I came through it" Andrea defended.

"And became such a productive member of the group" Lori put the used dishes in the sink, "Let Maggie and Eva handle this." Eva was happy that she was once again lumped back with the Greene family.

"I contribute, I help keep this place safe."

"The men can handle this on their own. They don't need your help."

Eva was going to but in that they were still short on 'man power' but she wasn't going to let Lori's wrath rain down on her.

"I'm sorry. What would you have me do?"

Both Lori and Andrea bickered for a couple of minutes longer, mostly how Lori felt like Andrea was trying to play Annie Oakley rather than cleaning clothes. Eva sighed, Andrea would rather act like one of the guys rather than help others. Eva felt like Andrea would rather be on her own.

"I'll just be with Beth and Maggie" Eva excused herself to go be with Maggie and Beth.

"Mom would be so ashamed that she raised a coward" Maggie declared, "And what about Dad?"

"He's clueless" Beth countered, "He had us waiting for a cure."

"Not so much, be believed what we all did… well almost all of us" Eva butted in from the room. The girls looked at Eva, Maggie nodded her in. "We all thought our family would make it out alive."

"He knows he was wrong" Maggie added,

"When has Dad ever admitted he was wrong? He's just telling Rick's group what they want to hear."

"And Jimmy?"

"We went out for three months, and now I'm married to him?" Beth asked.

"No, but he is choosing to survive the apocalypse with you and not searching for his family."

"And me?" Maggie asked, hoping Beth would have a better answer, "You could do that to me? I can't take another funeral, it'd kill me."

"You can't avoid it." Beth said as if she came to some grand realization during the period when she was in shock, "What are we wait'n for?" Beth sincerely asked, she looked torn, "We should all do it" Beth glanced at Eva. "All three of us."

"What?" Maggie asked, horrified.

"At the same time, we can help each other" Beth suggested.

Eva shook her head, "it's not that easy B, it's not that easy."

"It's hard to do it, no one wants to but—"

"No, please don't" this time Maggie was begging.

"We can do it so it's peaceful, easy."

"Stop talking like that!" Maggie tried to talk over Beth, to give her the voice of reason. Eva was now by Beth's side, she had kneeled by the bed.

"Beth, you can't talk like this, people will hear you" Eva tried to talk some sense into her, but it wasn't working.

"It would be our choice and then it would be over. Or we will be forced to do it when the farm and this house is overrun."

"There is no guarantee that, that will happen B. This house can stand for years to come."

"No one can protect us."

Maggie shook her head, "That's not true."

"Who? Glenn? I heard what happened, Rick will save his family, the others too but we're alone."

"Shane, Glenn, Dale, your father. They will protect this farm even if it costs them their life" Eva argued.

Maggie shook her head, not wanting to hear what Beth was saying. "You, me, Eva, Patricia. With only Dad and Jimmy against the whole world of those things" Beth shook her head, "I don't wanna be gutted. I wanna go. In this bed, tonight, with you beside me. Please" Beth stressed the 'please' painfully.

Eva rubbed Beth's leg, "I can't B. I can't die, I won't go down like this. If I wanted to die, it would be in a blaze of glory, not something peaceful and sappy like this."

Maggie shook her head, "Beth, sweetie I won't let you die, not tonight, I will protect you now and forever."

A knock was at the door and Andrea peeked in, Eva glared at her for a second. Maggie went out to greet her, "Hey."

Andrea was whispering, Eva leaned in to hear but couldn't. "You can't sit on top of her."

"I can't leave her by herself."

"You're gonna have to." Andrea argued. Maggie shook her head in a negative way, "you're exhausted, take Evangeline and go get some air, I'll sit with her. Go ahead."

Maggie glanced back to Beth and Eva. "Wash up, get something to eat." Andrea persuaded, "I got it."

Maggie nodded, "Okay. Eva want to come with me?"

Eva didn't particularly want to, she didn't trust Andrea as far as she could throw her. "Sure?"

Once the two left Andrea shut the door and began to tell Beth about how she should either do the suicide or not, that pain would last forever.

Eva stuck close to Maggie, "Do… do you think she will?"

Maggie sighed, "I'm not sure, but with Andrea there she will be fine."

"I'm not so sure. Andrea is suicidal herself, I really didn't want to leave Beth with her."

Maggie glanced at Eva and then did a 360 outside of the house and went back to Beth's room, it was the suicidal leading the suicidal. The door was open. "Beth?" Maggie called out, Eva was right behind her.

The girls heard Beth sobbing and glass shattering. Maggie immediately went to the bathroom and was pounding on the door, "Beth? BETH!"

"Wait I'll break down the door!" Eva offered, looking every which way, she knew she wasn’t strong enough to throw herself against the door and break it.

"Maggie?" Lori came in, hearing Maggie's distress.

"She's in there, I heard glass!"

The three woman inside could only hear Beth's sobs, "Beth, are you alright?" Lori called out while trying the door.

"Don't do this, Beth. Don't do this" Maggie commanded, as if her words would magically make Beth stop, "Open up please! God, I left her with Andrea." Maggie was looking on the vanity for the keys, "where are the keys?!"

"I don't know" Eva said, she didn't even know if the rooms could lock she went to the door and pounded, "Beth! Open this door!"

"Beth honey, please open the door" Maggie said while trying the handle again, "I'm not mad. I'm not mad, Beth". Lori grabbed the fireplace poker and shoved it into the door frame to break the door.

"Hang on" Lori instructed as she pushed on the poker, the door swung open to reveal that Beth had slit her wrist.

"I'm sorry" she wept, Maggie walked forward while Eva and Lori were stuck in the doorway.

"Okay. It's okay" Maggie tried to console her younger sister. Eva frowned, Andrea…. That stupid bitch, Andrea was going to pay. Eva didn't notice that she was clenching her jaw till her whole mouth hurt, and it was that time she released her breath and relaxed her fists.

Maggie ushered Beth through the door, "Help me clean this up" Lori said while bending down to pick up the pieces.

"Sure" Eva said through clenched teeth. Eva wasn't paying much attention as she cut the palm of her hand on a shard. "Shit" she hissed, "I'll be right back" she went to the kitchen to grab a rag and a trash bag. Thankfully the cut wasn't deep and she tied the rag around her palm. She returned to Lori, "Here"

The two spent a few quiet moments cleaning the glass, Eva was fuming still while Lori tried her best to keep Eva from cutting herself again, "Andrea is gonna get it" she declared.

"I'm sure she'll get enough from Maggie and Hershel."

"Stupid…. So stupid, we shouldn't have listened to her, she told Maggie to take me and get a breath of fresh air… she…." Realization dawned on her face, "She was pushing her own agenda. She wanted to force Beth's hand."

Lori bit her lip, "Well, it's over now."

"It's not over just yet." They finished cleaning the pieces.

"I'll throw it away" with that, Eva was left alone in the room. She took a deep breath to calm herself that was when she heard Andrea and Maggie talk.

"She wants to live. She made her decision" Andrea said with a little glee. Eva stood and made a B-line to the front steps.

"She tried to kill herself." Maggie hissed.

"No, she didn't."

"My father is stitching her wrist right now!" Maggie spat. Eva was now next to Lori, Lori put a hand on Eva's shoulder, trying meekly to hold her back.

"She'll live" Andrea tried to go inside the home, Maggie blocked her.

"Stay away from her. From both of us" she ordered. Eva took this time to shake off Lori's hand, "Don't you dare step foot inside this house again."

Andrea looked betrayed, like her decision was being judged. "And on that note, Andrea" Eva hissed as she clomped down the steps, she cracked her knuckles, Andrea backed away. "You will never be welcomed as a group member" she stood toe to toe with Andrea, and for the first time Andrea saw murder in Eva's eyes. Eva reeled back and slapped Andrea as hard as she could. She knew if she had hit her with a fist it would potential cause permanent damage.

Sending Andrea to the ground. Andrea stood as she rubbed her cheek, she had never gotten into a bitch fight before. Eva came at her again but this time with a fist. She landed one hit in Andrea's shoulder before Andrea grabbed a handful of Eva's hair.

Andrea wasn't much of a fighter, and instead resorted to kicking and attempting to scratch and bite Eva. With Eva's head in Andrea's hand she began to scratch at Andrea while trying to escape Andrea's hold. The girls ended up on the floor.

Maggie and Lori were shocked and rooted to the floor as the two women brawled in the front of the house.

Eva was able to gain the upper hand as she was able to straddle Andrea's torso however, Andrea still hand a death grip on Eva's hair as she scratched at Eva. The two women were screaming and shouting, it almost sounded like to feral cats that were fighting.

"You stupid bitch!" Eva hissed as she continued to scratch Andrea as well as punch her, whatever damage she could inflict she would. Andrea was able to get one good punch on Eva's cheek. That sent Eva back on her ass, and in turn hitting her head on the ground hard. Giving Andrea time to recover and let go of the pulled hair she had in her hand.

Andrea wiped her lip which had gotten cut, "The Hell?!"

"You let a suicidal girl attempt suicide!" Eva roared as she launched herself at Andrea again, she never got to Andrea however. Strong arms wrapped around her torso holding her back from attacking Andrea who had fallen again on her ass.

"Let go of me! You ass!" Eva growled, not knowing who was actually holding her back. She glanced back to see the silent Daryl holding her back.

He was able to grab her arms in a bear hug. She struggled a bit longer till she had no fight left in her and slumped against his grip, Daryl held on a second longer to see if she had truly given up the fight.

Andrea was being tended to by Lori, Maggie didn't even try to help. "If you even think about talking to Beth, I will come back and finish what I started, and it won't be with my hands, I'll bring my pitchfork!", Eva stormed away and towards her family's home, but not without stumbling and hitting the railing with her hip. Eva was still angry, but couldn't come back and finish the job, she was fairly certain she was bleeding from multiple places on her face and arms. She could also feel a bruise swelling on her cheek.

Maggie followed behind her, she slammed the screen door in Maggie's face. Maggie followed Eva to the main bathroom.

"What do you want Maggie?" Eva growled.

"I agree with you Eva, here let me look at it" Maggie offered. Eva sat on the tub as Maggie wetted a rag and began to dab at the cuts on Eva's face. She flinched at the contact, her whole head was sore.

"Tell me, is it as bad as it feels?"

"Worse, you know face cuts bleed like a stuffed pig."

Eva sighed, "I shouldn't have done that, she… she just pissed me off so bad!"

Maggie smiled as she cleaned Eva's face, "I think you put the fear of the Lord in her, I'm glad Daryl stopped you though. You were totally winning ."

Eva put her hand on her swollen cheek, it hurt, her tongue checked if there were no broken teeth, she was lucky. She then tenderly probed her scalp, it burned and was throbbing "Maggie be a doll and get me so aspirin?"

Maggie smiled as she stood, "Sure, I'll be back in two shakes of a lamb's tail."

Eva was left alone in the solace of the quiet room. She closed her eyes and felt dizzy, she leaned into her hands as she tried to breathe normally. That was last thing she could remember from that afternoon.

Eva woke with a start, she sat up quickly but fell back down, this was when she realized that her head had fallen on something soft. She peeked her eyes open to see everything around her was dark. She groaned as she put her hands on her face, she could feel the Band-Aids littering her cheeks and forehead.

She felt around for something to tell her where she was. Her fingers found the nightstand and instant knew that she was in her room. "H-Help?" she called out, her throat was immensely dry.

She heard movement in the other room and a door opened, "Hey sweetie, how you feeling?"

"Water, ma?" she felt the cool refreshing taste of water. She gulped greedily, her mother pulled the water back so her daughter wouldn’t choke. "I'm exhausted, what time is it?"

"Almost dinner, would you care to join us?"

With Patricia's help Eva was able to sit up, "How'd I get to the bed?"

"Right when you passed out Rick and Shane along with that Randall kid showed up. Daryl was able to pick you up and carry you to bed."

Eva blushed, "Really?"

Patricia smiled, "Mhmm, now c'mon up and at 'em."

Eva stood on wobbly legs, it took her a moment to gather her strength. They took their time getting to the house, Eva glanced to the RV and saw Andrea on top. Taking the look out, "Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine, just a couple of scrapes that's all."

"I'm not going to apologize you know."

"I wasn't expecting it."

They came inside, the light seemed to bright. "Hey Eva is here" a chorus of 'heys' greeted them. It nearly sent her head spinning.

Eva sat beside Beth and Maggie, Beth smiled at Eva and squeezed her hand. Eva glanced down at her wrapped hand, anger boiled down in her stomach again.

A sharp pain shot through her brain, she groaned and put one hand to her head.

"You okay?"

Eva glanced up to see Rick looking at her. She nodded.

"Yeah, just a head ache is all."

"A concussion is nothing to brush off, you need to take it easy" Hershel said from the head of the table, "Once you're up to it, we need to have a long discussion."

Eva glanced down, "Yes, sir."

A hush fell over the crowd, till Glenn made a toast, to Beth and her will to live, 'here here' was echoed around the table. Little did Eva know that her movements were being watched from two different people.

[placetobenation]

“The revolutionary force for over 50 years in sports entertainment” was a clever tag line used in the mid 90s before every WWF show. For most United States wrestling fans that are still alive, it is a way of life. Greater by the day is the lack of variance in the answer of what wrestling an individual grew up on. For better or worse, WWE has been the standard bearer. Throughout that rich history, performers ranging from Nature Boys to Undertakers have graced the squared circle. Foreign legends have had extended runs and some of the most iconic figures in pro wrestling history have been aces of the promotion reaching unequivocal mainstream pop culture heights in the world of wrestling.

With such a large history to play with, discovering the beauty of Bob Backlund’s charisma or the connection of Bruno Sammartino to the MSG crowd was a new development throughout this project similar to rewatching The Godfather and On the Waterfront to rediscover the genius of Marlon Brando. WWE may not have always been YOUR promotion but for the better part of 50 years, it was THE promotion in the United States and transformed the pro wrestling landscape. This project serves to praise the individuals that best helped shape the vision of Vince McMahon Sr. and Jr. Place to be Nation is proud to present to you a ranking of the Greatest WWE Wrestlers Ever.

– Chad Campbell

Note: Results of this list are based on 118 ballots received between May and December 2017. Voters were asked to submit their list of the 100 Greatest WWE Wrestlers of all time and consider only their WWWF/WWF/WWE career. Ties were broken based on 1) number of ballots a wrestler appeared on and 2) high vote. 

Every wrestler who received at least one vote will be recognized in the coming weeks. Please stay tuned to Place to Be Nation as we reveal all of the honorable mentions right through the cream of the crop. Read the other installments, both written and audio, of this project here.

200. Sika Total Points: 195 Total Ballots:  5 Average Rank: 62 High Vote: 42 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: El Groino

Key Matches & Moments: One half of the Wild Samoans with brother Afa; Had three different stints with the company and were three-time Tag Team Champions; Notable matches with Ivan Putski and Tito Santana, Bob Backlund and Pedro Morales, Rick Martel and Tony Garea, The Soul Patrol (Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas) and the North-South Connection (Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch); Formed a tag team with Kamala when Afa retired; Also challenged Bob Backlund and Hulk Hogan (on Saturday Night’s Main Event) for the WWF title in singles matches

Staff Thoughts: Mainstays of the tag division during a dark time for the tag division, but three separate stints in the company with three separate championship reigns is nothing to sneeze at. Taught generations of Samoans to come how to wrestle barefoot and have hard heads.

From the Voters: “3x tag team champ, if that accounts for anything.” – Sean Fluharty, August 9, 2017

199. Afa Total Points: 198 Total Ballots:  5 Average Rank: 61.4 High Vote: 41 Low Vote: 97 High Voter: El Groino

Key Matches & Moments: See entry for Sika above; Afa also challenged Bob Backlund for the WWF title, but did not stick around to challenge Hulk Hogan; Also returned as a manager for the Headshrinkers

Staff Thoughts: What more is there to say about the Samoans? Matches weren’t great (or often good) but they were believable monsters for babyfaces to slay. And he imparted all his knowledge to the Headshrinkers, including eating food in disgusting ways, not wearing shoes and no-selling headbutts. Did you guys know Samoans had hard heads?

From the Voters: “I have Afa ranked higher than I thought, simply for believability factor. He legitimately scared me as a kid. In a world where most seemed a work, the Samoans felt real.” – Lee Wes, November 26, 2017

198. Charles Wright Total Points: 202 Total Ballots: 16 Average Rank: 88.4 High Vote: 69 Low Vote: 100 High Voter: Neil Trama

Key Matches & Moments: As Papa Shango he missed his cue on the run-in to break up pin in the Hulk Hogan/Sid match at Wrestelmania VIII; Cursed Ultimate Warrior causing him to vomit pea soup while also leaving fans a bit queasy (as did his matches); Challenged Bret Hart on a Saturday Night’s Main Event; Was repackaged as Kama “The Supreme Fighting Machine” as part of the Million Dollar Corporation where he stole the Undertaker’s urn (who didn’t?) then melted it down for bling; Morphed into Kama Mustafa who was part of the Nation of Domination; FINALLY hit on a winner gimmick that surely garnered his votes here with wrestling pimp The Godfather who smoked cigars and was escorted to the ring by his hoes procurred from the local “gentlemen’s clubs;” Won the Intercontinental Title as the Godfather; Let’s pretend the Goodfather never happened shall we?

Staff Thoughts: Everybody get on board that HO TRAIN! Everything before the Godfather wasn’t highlight reel material but Wright caught lightning in a bottle with the Godfather gimmick. He played it to a T though and was one of the hottest acts of the Attitude Era, perhaps because bringing a harem of scantily clad hoes to the ring appealed to teenage and young adult males in the audience. Who knew? Still remembered fondly, as evidenced by long-time PTBN staffer Cowboy Morissette confusing the much more charismatic Nate Milton for the Godfather and confessing he’d “been waiting to drive that Ho Train my whole life.”

From the Voters: “Godfather is a memorable character but his in ring work is just too bad for me to put him in. I agree that Papa Shango should’ve done a lot better. Very intimidating and scary heel look.” – Wade Ferrari, May 29, 2017

“He was good at getting teenage boys to cheer hot chicks and shout about smoking weed. How hard is that really? Otherwise, did he have any talent? I don’t think so.” – Adam Russell, July 20, 2017

197. Carlito Total Points: 208 Total Ballots: 12 Average Rank: 83.7 High Vote: 31 Low Vote: 100 High Voter: Jason Fastkade

Key Matches & Moments: Won the United States Championship from John Cena in his debut match on SmackDown; Had his bodyguard stab Cena in storyline before losing the U.S. Title back to him and missing time with injury; Interrupted Piper’s Pit at WrestleMania 21 and sparred with Steve Austin; Conducted his own interview show, Carlito’s Cabana; Played the role of evil queen when he fed Big Show a poisoned apple, which also proved Big Show would eat anything at the time; Drafted to Raw in 2005 where he won the Intercontinental Title from Shelton Benjamin on his debut; Participated in the Elimination Chamber at New Year’s Revolution 2006 being the last wrestler eliminated by John Cena; Formed a tag-team with Chris Masters before feuding with him; Was involved in a relationship with Trish Stratus in storylines; Was given a ladies man gimmick and also had an on-air relationship with Torrie Wilson; Had a brief feud with Ric Flair transitioning into Flair becoming Carlito’s mentor and tag-team partner; Involved in the Money in the Bank match at WreslteMania XXIV; Returned to the SmackDown brand and began teaming with his brother Primo winning the WWE Tag Team championship and unifying the titles by winning a match versus John Morrison and The Miz at WrestleMania XXV;

Staff Thoughts: Spitting in the face of people that don’t want to be cool, Carlito took apple chomping and spewing to new levels. He was given strong push after strong push, winning both the U.S. Title and the Intercontinental Title on his debuts to SmackDown and Raw respectively, yet he was never able to put it together and have any hot reigns. He also had some ill-timed injuries that hurt. He was a good talker and fine in the ring, and a fixture in the midcard with U.S. title, IC title and both World and WWE tag title reigns, but it all kind of runs together, with no matches really standing out as memorable. Seemed like he could’ve been more than he ultimately achieved.

From the Voters: “Totally middling guy, who sort of represents the worst of his era to me in that he was talented but utterly clueless about what to do with that talent. Quickly became a walking cliche and despite being gifted a potentially hot angle with Cena had no traction with it. Stayed around for years doing nothing interesting of note as he was a static character and a cliched promo even for the era. I’m sure some of the issue with him was booking, but he’s the IRS of his time.” – Dylan Hales, July 6, 2017

196. Xavier Woods Total Points: 211 Total Ballots: 12 Average Rank: 83.4 High Vote: 65 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Jason Fastkade

Key Matches & Moments: Formed a team with R-Truth upon his debut and feuded with Brodus Clay and Tons of Funk; Recruited Big E Langston and Kofi Kingston to form the New Day, initially serving in more of managerial role; When New Day won the Tag Team championship at Extreme Rules 2015 it was determined they could defend the titles under Freebird rules leading Woods to a more active in-ring role in New Day; Woods became known for playing his trombone Francesca (and later Francesca II); New Day held the WWE (later renamed Raw) Tag Team Titles for 483 days, breaking the record previously held by Demolition; Woods scored the pin when the New Day defeated the Usos for the SmackDown Tag Team titles, the first time he had scored the pin to win a championship; New Day had good matches with the Usos and Sheamus & Cesaro throughout 2016; Before re-igniting their feud with the Usos on Smackdown in 2017, Woods gave a memorable performance in excellent match with the Usos at Hell in a Cell 2017

Staff Thoughts: New-Day-Rocks! Or Sucks, depending upon your point of view. He p lays a mean trombone. New Day as an act has been one of the hottest acts at times over the past three years and Woods has been an important part of that act. He has also been taking a more active in-ring role recently, most notably in the Hell in a Cell match with the Usos.

From the Voters: “He is having a tremendous 2017. And because of it I think he makes my list.” – Brian Bayless, November 14, 2017

“Now as far as WWE Video Gamers, Xavier is #1.” – Greg Diener, November 23, 2017

195. Kamala Total Points: 211 Total Ballots: 14 Average Rank: 85.9 High Vote: 55 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Jesse

Key Matches & Moments: Feuded with Andre the Giant including a high-profile cage match, while being managed by Classy Freddie Blassie also with handler “Friday”; Ate a live chicken on an episode of Tuesday Night Titans; Returned to the company managed by The Wizard with handler Kim Chee and feuded with Hulk Hogan in some really good, violent matches (also appeared on magazine cover with Hogan’s head on a spike causing Good Ol’ Will much jubilation); Feuded with Jake “The Snake” Roberts over his fear of snakes and then teamed with Sika; Returned in 1992, with Kim Chee as always, to be managed by Harvey Wippleman and feud with the Undertaker, featuring awful matches, including the first televised coffin match at Survivor Series 1992; Finally landed on the newly ordained Reverend Slick as his manager (did he get a free live chicken when he filled his manager punch card or something?) who humanized him by teaching him to bowl; Participated in the Gimmick Battle Royal at WrestleMania X-7 and numerous one-off appearances

Staff Thoughts: Talk about versatility, Kamala could be a terrifying cannibal putting Hogan’s head on a spike or comedy figure bowling with Slick. He’s got some really solid matches and is a beloved or at least well-remembered figure. As my dietary choices of IPAs and Hershey’s miniatures lead me down the road to Kamala’s physique, I plan to copy his fashion and paint stars and moons on my belly. And I will thank Kamala for this influence.

From the Voters: “The Hogan feud is incredible, just awesome. That alone is enough to make it. Completely committed to the character. Amazing pro wrestler.” – Martin Boulevard, November 14, 2017

194. Jack Swagger Total Points: 219 Total Ballots:  9 Average Rank: 76.7 High Vote: 46 Low Vote: 96 High Voter: Eric Miller

Key Matches & Moments: “The All-American American” debuted in ECW and quickly won the ECW title from Matt Hardy; Lost the ECW title to Christian and challenged him in a series of good rematches; Won Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania XXVI; Cashed in his Money in the Bank to defeat Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship; Trained Michael Cole for his “classic” match vs. Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania XXVII and received a Stone Cold Stunner during the match from special referee Steve Austin; Formed an alliance with Dolph Ziggler with both managed by Vickie Guerrero; Defeated Zack Ryder for the United States Championship before losing it to Santino Marella; Returned after time off with new manager Zeb Coulter and won the Elimination Chamber match to determine the #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship; Battled Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 29; Formed the Real Americans tag team with Cesaro, who were involved in a number of good matches like the elimination match at Survivor Series 2013 and the Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way at TLC 2013; Challenged and lost to Big E Langston for the Intercontinental Championship at 2014 Elimination Chamber; The Real Americans lost a fatal four-way for the Tag Team Championship during the pre-show of WrestleMania XXX and the team split up in the process; Turned face feuding with Rusev over the U.S. title with fun matches at SummerSlam, Battleground and TLC in 2014

Staff Thoughts: We! The People!…were moderately interested in Jack Swagger. Good in-ring worker, though he always seemed to be missing that “It factor.” Swagger showed tons of promise in his ECW run with good matches against Christian (when everyone had good matches against Christian), his tag run as the Real Americans (when everything Cesaro touched turned to gold) and his fued against Rusev (another good worker). He could always bring it in the ring, but never had the juice to elevate his feuds or matches to the next level.

From the Voters: “He had so much potential and upside on ECW, shame what happened to him. Still he built up quite a good list of matches over the years. Had a really good year in 2010 despite his miserable midcard world champ reign. His series with Kofi on SD is low key one of my favourites. The Christian match is fantastic. Good teams with Dolph and Cesaro too.” – Stacey O’Laughlin, May 31, 2017

“After his ECW run I would’ve said he was on his way. Didn’t happen.” – Jeremy Ray, May 30, 2017

193. Professor Tanaka Total Points: 22 Total Ballots: 5 Average Rank: 57 High Vote: 17 Low Vote: 77 High Voter: Steve Gennarelli

Key Matches & Moments: Had a successful run in the 1960s challenging Bruno Sammartino where he was DQ’d for throwing salt in Bruno’s eyes and defeated by the champ in the rematch; Also main evented MSG in tag team matches with Gorilla Monsoon challenging Bruno and Spiros Arion; Co-holder of the first WWWF International Tag team titles with Mitsu Arikawa; Teamed with Mr. Fuji and won the WWWF World Tag Team titles three times; The three tag team reigns set a record were tied by a number of teams, but not broken until the New Age Outlaws won their fourth tag team title in 1999; One of the only competitors to be managed by all three “Wise Men” (The Grand Wizard, “Classy” Freddie Blassie and Capt. Lou Albano)

Staff Thoughts: His team with Fuji held the record for tag title reigns until broken by the New Age Outlaws, which is crazy. And  it’s fair to say they moved the belt a bit more freely in the Attitude Era, so the Tanaka and Fuji record is even more impressive. He had a great arm when it came to throwing salt in opponents eyes. In addition to the stellar team with Fuji (and check out the Facebook comments for more conversation on that team) Tanaka had a strong run opposing Bruno in singles and tag teams to bolster his case.

From the Voters: “But in tag teams Fuji and Tanaka get the nod here. They were put over as a bad ass heel team. They were scary. I was present to watch their second run in the WWWF in the late 70’s. I saw Fuji and Saito later on as a tag team, but Fuji and Tanaka still were better as a team to me.” – Timothy Ray, September 10, 2017

“He looks like him, but not Oddjob. He did have quite the acting career though. 3 Ninjas…Last Action Hero…Pee Wee’s.” – David Bayens, September 10, 2017

192. Natalya Total Points: 221 Total Ballots: 11 Average Rank: 80.9 High Vote: 50 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: Trust Issues

Key Matches & Moments: Challenged for the newly created Divas Championship at Great American Bash 2008; Formed an alliance with Victoria to feud with the Bellas; Competed in Divas battle royal at WrestleMania XXV; Formed the Hart Dynasty with Tyson Kidd and David Hart Smith; Appeared at WrestleMania XXVI helping her uncle Bret Hart during his match with Vince McMahon; Managed Kidd and Smith to the WWE Tag Team championship and was involved in feud with Usos and Tamina; Won the Divas Championship in a handicap match vs. Michelle McCool and Layla and feuded with the duo; Teamed with Beth Phoenix to defeat LayCool in the first Divas Tag Team Tables Match at TlC 2010; Formed an alliance with AJ Lee and Kaitlyn before turning on them and forming the Divas of Doom with Beth Phoenix; Given a much maligned farting gimmick; Formed an alliance with Great Khali and Hornswoggle to battle Rosa Mendes, Primo and Epico; Appeared on Total Divas feuding with fellow cast members and later AJ Lee; Lost to Charlotte in a good match at NXT Takeover in the finals of the NXT Women’s Championship Tournament; Managed Tyson Kidd and Cesaro when they won the WWE Tag Team championship; Was in the 10-Diva tag match on the WrestleMania 32 pre-show; Competed in the inaugural Women’s Money in the Bank match; Won the SmackDown Women’s Championship at SummerSlam 2017

Staff Thoughts: Always around when they need a challenger for a Women’s or Divas Title or to fill out a multi-women match. She’s had good matches throughout the years, like the NXT Takeover match with Charlotte. Her character has always been a bit bland and sometimes annoying. We won’t speak of the farting gimmick.

From the Voters: “I remember her title reign during the diva down years to be a standout. Great table match vs LayCool where she had to improvise an awesome finish. That and her Charlotte NXT match are standouts. I have her on my list right now because I remember her being a breath of fresh air for a time. (No this is not a reference to the brief farting gimmick)” – Travis Wokoshyn, June 1, 2017

“Cat people are weird. ”- Chris Manning, June 3, 2017

191. MVP Total Points: 227 Total Ballots: 10 Average Rank: 78.3 High Vote: 64 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Boss Rock

Key Matches & Moments: Signed the “largest contract in SmackDown history;” Feuded with Kane winning a street fight, steel cage match and tag team contests before getting set on fire in an inferno match; Challenged Chris Benoit for the United States Championship at WrestleMania 23 and Backlash before finally winning the belt in a two-out-of-three falls match at Judgment Day 2007; Began an excellent feud with Matt Hardy; Defeated Deuce & Domino for the Tag Team Championship with partner Matt Hardy (oh the wackiness) making him a double champion; Participated in the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania XXIV and Hardy returned from injury and cost MVP the match; His U.S. title run lasted 343 days, the longest U.S. title reign (WWE version) until Dean Ambrose broke the record in 2014; Won the U.S. championship for a second time from Shelton Benjamin; Competed in the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania XXV; Formed a tag team with Mark Henry; Competed in the Money in the Bank ladder match at WrestleMania XXVI

Staff Thoughts: MVP’s original gimmick was original and timely, borrowing from diva football players of the day, such as Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. He was originally presented as a prima donna that was overhyped but proved himself and developed into a quality worker, leading to some really good matches with Chris Benoit capped by him ultimately winning the U.S. championship. His feud with Matt Hardy was really taking off, but somewhat ill-fated as injuries by both MVP and Hardy caused delays in the blow-off. He then lost some steam after that. He seemed like he could turn into a bigger star, he just never seemed to (which seems to be something we’re saying a lot in this section of the list). Fans did enjoy reminding MVP that he looked like a Power Ranger.

From the Voters: “For those asking, his best match is vs Matt Hardy on SD, July 2007. They also had good ones at GAB 07 and Backlash 08. All of the matches in the Benoit series are really good.  Has good matches with random guys – Kofi on Raw June 2009, Batista on SD 2008, Swagger on SD 2010. I think he’s much better in the ring than he’s given credit for.” – Stacey O’Loughlin, June 22, 2017

“He’ll most likely make my list. A bit of a rough start, but he bounced back with good matches against Benoit and his feud with Matt Hardy is arguably one of the greatest midcard feuds of all time. I also really enjoyed the losing streak storyline which led to a surprisingly effective face turn, even if he was always a better heel. Not a dynamite promo but solid enough on the mic.” – Greg Rossbach, July 7, 2017

190. Lance Storm Total Points: 233 Total Ballots: 8 Average Rank: 71.9 High Vote: 39 Low Vote: 91 High Voter: Bret Hart; David Carli

Key Matches & Moments: The first WCW performer to invade WWF programming; Featured part of the Alliance teaming with Mike Awesome to face Edge and Christian at the Invasion PPV; Won the Intercontinental title during the Invasion and lost it to Edge at SummerSlam 2001; Joined the Un-Americans with Christian, Test and later William Regal, Won the Tag Team titles with Christian defeating Hulk Hogan and Edge; Had a good match with Christian against Booker T and Goldust at SummerSlam 2002; Continued teaming with Regal after the Un-Americans split winning the Tag Team titles twice; Chief Morley stripped Regal and Storm of the Tag Team Titles because the belts had not been defended in 30 days but Morley named himself and Storm tag team champions; Stone Cold Steve Austin encouraged fans to chant boring during Storm’s matches; Formed alliance with Goldust and began dancing; Began teaming with Morley again who had reverted to his porn-star Val Venus character and recruited Storm due to his allegedly huge schlong; Defeated Chris Jericho at ECW One Night Stand in 2005 in his last match for WWE

Staff Thoughts: Always a solid worker, his run in WWE didn’t match his runs elsewhere. But any run that includes both a boring gimmick AND a huge penis gimmick is…diverse? It all started well enough with the Invasion angle, but Storm wasn’t a big enough star to hold that position in the Alliance and shockingly being a lackey to Stephanie and Shane McMahon didn’t turn that around. He had a good match with Edge at SummerSlam that year, and the Un-Americans team and the team with Regal were both strong. Ultimately, he was what he always was, a really good wrestler lacking in charisma and the WWE didn’t do anything to help hide his flaws and accentuate his positives.

From the Voters: “One of the purest workers I’ve ever seen he rarely had anything less than a ** match. He just never quite got over in WWE the way he did in ECW. But he was an IC and tag champ. The UnAmericans angle was decent. So, while his WWE run wasn’t overwhelming I would have to still vote yes just because I cant imagine he couldn’t crack the top 100.” – Ryan Rahid, May 31, 2017

“Love lance storm but wwf run was Luke warm and lost in the shuffle in the invasion mess. Don’t see top 100 in this case..” – Shawn Kidd, May 31, 2017

189. Spiros Arion Total Points: 237 Total Ballots: 8 Average Rank: 71.4 High Vote: 37 Low Vote: 95 High Voter: Steve Gennarelli

Key Matches & Moments: Won the WWWF United States Tag Team Championship with Tony Parisi in his second match in the U.S.; Became the protege of Bruno Sammartino and the two teamed up to win the U.S. Tag Team Championship and were the last U.S. Tag Team Champions; Main evented MSG teaming with Bruno against Professor Tanaka and Gorilla Monsoon twice, including in a Texas Death Match; Teamed with Chief Jay Strongbow before turning on him and ripping his headdress to shreds; Managed by Classy Freddie Blassie as a heel; Fought Sammartino protege Larry Zbyszko in MSG causing Bruno to come out and make the save after the match; Had a three bout series with Bruno Sammartino at MSG in a series of very good and well regarded matches

Staff Thoughts: Arion is probably best known for the series vs. Bruno in 1975 in some intense brawls, at least one of which is on the WWE Network in the Bruno Sammartino collection. Has a really good supporting resume with three U.S. Tag Team reigns. The “Iron Greek” was so despised as a heel he was stabbed after a match where he tagged with Blassie.

From the Voters: “One of my favorite discoveries in this project. Good promos, good matches, cool sounding feuds, and I found the Bruno stuff very entertaining.” – James Proffitt, November 27, 2017

“I started watching those Arion/Bruno matches and really dug them, so I found some other stuff like him and Blassie cutting promos and a damn good match at MSG with a young Kevin Sullivan. Dude came out if nowhere and will probably slide into the top 80.” – Kevin E. Pittack, October 7, 2017

188. Gregory “Hurricane” Helms Total Points: 238 Total Ballots: 11 Average Rank: 79.4 High Vote: 60 Low Vote: 97 High Voter: El Groino

Key Matches & Moments: Part of the Alliance in the Invasion angle holding the Cruiserweight title until losing it to fellow Alliance member Billy Kidman; Adopted the superhero “Hurricane” gimmick and formed a tag team with Lance Storm with “Mighty” Molly Holly as a sidekick; Won the Hardcore Championship at WrestleMania X8 before losing it to Molly; Won the Cruiserweight Championship from Tajiri and lost it to Jamie Noble; Teamed with Kane to win the World Tag Team Championship; Defeated the Rock on Raw after being called the “Hamburglar;” Took on Rosey as his prodigy, well Superhero In Training (see it’s funny because the letters spell SHIT), and Stacy Kiebler joined the group as their sidekick Super Stacy; The team of Rosey and the Hurricane won the World Tag Titles; Reverted back to his real name of Gregory Helms, turned on Rosey and won the Cruiserweight Title while moving to SmackDown; Claimed to be better than all the cruiserweights so defended the title and “feuded” with all cruiserweights on the roster at the time; His Cruiserweight title run was both the longest Cruiserweight reign in WWE history and the longest reign of any kind in SmackDown history; Faced Matt Hardy at No Mercy 2006 in one of Helms’ best matches with the company; Eventually lost his Cruiserweight Title to Chavo Guerrero, Jr. in a Cruiserweight open; Returned to his Hurricane persona with a new catchphrase “I’m just sayin’!”

Staff Thoughts: Stand Back… there’s a Hurricane coming and it was mostly fun with a bit of Superhero in Training (but it could’ve been so much more shitty in less capable hands). His energy in the gimmick made it one of the more iconic in the modern WWE era. Helms was a very good worker and Hurricane was a fun mid-card gimmick. He was more than capable of having good matches with other cruiserweights, but the record-breaking cruiserweight reign meant less than it should have, since there were no intense feuds and the title was sometimes forgotten about for long periods of time. He had a fun tag team with Kane and his win over the Rock was a huge shock at the time.

From the Voters: “Consistently performed at a high level in the position he was asked to perform in. Has an all-time Raw moment in pinning The Rock. No less charismatic as a heel (IMO) than a guy like Orton. Plus, he had a good, long run with the company. All that said, top 100 guys over a 50 year history covers a whole lot of ground. I’m thinking he won’t make my list, but I’ll keep him on the “consideration” list that I’m scoring. Maybe he’ll surprise me.” – James Proffitt, June 14, 2017

“He owned the gimmick which I can appreciate. He’s got a chance for me.” – Brian Meyer, June 4, 2017

187. Alundra Blayze Total Points: 239 Total Ballots: 10 Average Rank: 77.1 High Vote: 30 Low Vote: 96 High Voter: Jason Fastkade

Key Matches & Moments: Brought into the the company to revive the women’s division when the Women’s Title had been dormant for three years; Won a six-woman tournament to capture the new Women’s Title in late 1993; Asked for more women to be brought into the company for her to wrestle; Defeated Bull Nakano at SummerSlam 1994 to retain her title; Lost the title to Nakano in Japan at the Big Egg Wrestling Universe event in November 1994; Regained the title from Nakano on an episode of Raw in April 1995; Was attacked by Bertha Faye immediately after regaining the title and put on the shelf until SummerSlam; Lost the Women’s Championship to Bertha Faye at SummerSlam 1995; Regained the title from Faye and became a three-time women’s champion; Proceeded to throw the belt in the trash on WCW Nitro

Staff Thoughts: Alundra Blayze had good matches, particularly the ones with Nakano, and showed she was a good, solid worker mostly in other areas. But appearances of Blayze and the Women’s Championship were few and far between and there just wasn’t enough meat on the bone for her to rank higher. She was the definitive face of the Women’s division whenever WWF remembered it had a Women’s division, before she was released and the company vacated the title for another three years. Honestly, you might as well throw the belt in a trashcan. Oh. Nevermind, carry on.

From the Voters: “Madusa Miceli was one of the most well-rounded American female workers of all-time…Alundra Blayze unfortunately was not. A toned-down in-ring style, lack of depth in the women’s division, & a more cartoonish character all hurt her WWF run. Her two most memorable moments as it relates to The Fed are her feud w/Bull Nakano & her showing up on Nitro to dump the women’s title in a waste-paper basket. One of my all-time favorites, but if we’re only looking at her WWF run she joins many other women (Lita, Molly, Victoria, Jacqueline, Leilani Kai, Luna, Asuka, etc.) who were/are good, but fall short of making my list.” – Nate Milton, September 10, 2017

“I’ll take the Nakano matches over anything Trish ever did.”- David Bayens, September 12, 2017

186. Jesse Ventura Total Points: 240 Total Ballots: 10 Average Rank: 77 High Vote:62 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: Ryan Gray

Key Matches & Moments: Teamed with Adrian Adonis as the East-West Connection managed by Classy Freddie Blassie; Challenged Bob Backlund for the WWF Championship and later would challenge Hulk Hogan for the title; Tagged with Roddy Piper and Bob Orton, Jr. on Saturday Night’s Main Event to defeat Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer and Cousin Luke after the heels “insulted” the hillbillies by pointing out obvious facts during Elmer’s wedding, such as “it looked like two carps in the Mississippi River going after the same piece of corn” when the couple kissed; Hosted his own interview segment The Body Shop; Was special guest referee for SummerSlam 1988 and SummerSlam 1999

Staff Thoughts: Jesse Ventura was one of the greatest commentators the company ever had, rooting openly for the heels, but often with more logic than babyface announcers Vince McMahon and Gorilla Monsoon exhibited. His in-ring abilities and matches were generally garbage and that may be generous. Was an influential wrestler adding to the template of flamboyant body-builder invented by Billy Graham and later duplicated and tweaked by Hulk Hogan.

From the Voters: “I really wish I could put him on my list. The fact is he just wasn’t that good of a wrestler and most of his best stuff was after he had retired and behind the announce table. He was extremely flamboyant and was fun to listen to always backing the heels. Great foil for Vince and Gorilla. Unfortunately I can’t think of one match that sticks out from his WWE days.” – Eric Boyd, May 30, 2017

185. Jamie Noble Total Points: 243 Total Ballots:  10 Average Rank: 76.7 High Vote: 44 Low Vote: 90 High Voter: Microstatistics

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted by attacking the Hurricane with his on-screen girlfriend Nidia, who was portrayed as an ex-girlfriend of the Hurricane; Won the Cruiserweight Championship and held the title for 147 days, feuding with Tajiri and Billy Kidman, who he lost the belt to at Survivor Series 2002; Nidia was blinded by Tajiri’s black mist in 2003, leading to Noble becoming a heel by doing things he thought she couldn’t see; Led to a blindfold match with Nidia at No Way Out 2004 that Noble cheated to win; Also feuded with Rey Mysterio over the Cruiserweight Championship; Left the company in late 2004, returning in 2006 to form The Pitbulls Tag Team with Kid Kash and challenging London & Kendrick for the WWE Tag Team Championship; Continued competing in the cruiserweight division and feuded with Hornswoggle, often losing in humiliating fashion; Noble feuded with Chuck Palumbo and later William Regal before joining ECW and retiring due to injury; Returned as part of J&J Security to protect Seth Rollins and his title

Staff Thoughts: Jamie Noble owned his trailer park trash gimmick and created fond memories of a “makeout contest” from WWF New York where Nidia assaulted the winning fan. Noble had good matches in the cruiserweight division and stood out as a memorable character at a time when the division was mostly forgettable and an afterthought (which was most of the time). He had a really good feud with Tajiri in 2003 and the Pitbulls match against London and Kendrick at Great American Bash 2006 is solid too. Noble made the most out of everything he was given and put everything he had into whatever silliness he had to put over. If you could combine his character work from WWE with his in-ring work elsewhere, you’d really have something.

From the Voters: “I loved his character on SmackDown as the heel cruiserweight champion. Tremendous promos and skits, some real good matches with the likes of Hurricane and Tajiri. But not enough, as much as it pains me to admit.” – Greg Phillips, May 31, 2017

“Noble’s best matches happened elsewhere and while I found his pairing with Nidia entertaining, that isn’t enough to warrant inclusion in my top 100.” – Matt Souza, May 30, 2017

184. Lou Albano Total Points: 244 Total Ballots: 7 Average Rank: 66.1 High Vote: 36 Low Vote: 82 High Voter: Alexis

Key Matches & Moments: Achieved moderate tag team success with partner Tony Altomare as the Sicilians, an Italian gangster stereotype; According to Wikipedia the actual mafia requested Albano and Altomare stop using the word mafia in their act; Won the WWWF United States Tag Team Championship with Altomare from Arnold Skaaland and Spiros Arion, but the reign only lasted two weeks and was not acknowledged outside the Atlantic City market; Became a manager at the suggestion of Bruno Sammartino; Managed Ivan Koloff to the WWWF title defeating Sammartino and causing the arena to fall silent before the audience rioted; Guided both Don Muraco and Greg Valentine to Intercontinental gold; Managed 15 tag teams to the WWF Tag Team Championships; Played a critical role in turning both Jimmy Snuka and Pat Patterson babyface; Appeared in Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun Video” laying the groundwork for the Rock n’ Wrestling Connection; Albano claimed to have written all Lauper’s songs setting the stage for Albano to manage Fabulous Moolah against Lauper’s charge Wendi Richter at the Brawl to End it All, which aired on MTV; Still competed here in there during his time as a manager, still garnering big pops in the key markets

Staff Thoughts: Well, he’ll always have Atlantic City and that two-week tag team title run. And as a wrestler, that’s…about it. He went on to great fame as a manager and was critical to forming the Rock n’ Wrestling Connection and for wrestling to appear on MTV in front of a lot of new eyeballs. He was also great at generating heat for his heel charges, from the days of Bruno on. Did anyone understand the rubber bands or did we all assume he was a moron for poking himself with a safety pin to hang a rubber band on his face. Maybe he was just a little ahead of the piercing craze, because who wouldn’t want to look like Lou Albano?

From the Voters: “Lou Albano is a big, fat, sloppy pig.” – Jesse Ventura, November 2, 1985; Scott Criscuolo, every day since late 2011

“He had longevity, intangibles, flexibility (he changed some traits of his character to reflect his clients), promos. In J, he was the manager of Koloff when he won the title (don’t know if he was in the arena that day), managers of the heel tag champs, and was part of the big angle with Cindy Lauper. He would score well in N, J and P and will be in my top 100.” – Alexis Beaudet, June 1, 2017

183. Al Snow Total Points: 249 Total Ballots: 11 Average Rank: 78.4 High Vote: 20 Low Vote: 100 High Voter: David Carli

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted as the masked warrior Avatar and shortly switched to Shinobi, a ninja assassin (though I read ninja assistant and though he was assistant to the regional manage ninja); Repackaged as Leif Cassidy, teaming with Marty Jannetty as the New Rockers; Was sent to Philadelphia as part of the cross-promotions between WWF and ECW and developed his Head gimmick there; Upon his return to the WWF he became one of the guiding hands of the early Hardcore division where he was a six-time Hardcore champion and some good early battles with Hardcore Holly including one that ended in the Mississippi River; When Head was impaled by Prince Albert he replaced him with Pepper a chihuahua that Big Bossman ultimately fed to him later as part of their feud; The Pepper angle led to the infamous Kennel from Hell match at Unforgiven 1999; Teamed with Steve Blackman as “Head Cheese” and hilarity ensued; Later teamed with Mick Foley and won the WWF Tag Team Championship before turning on Foley due to jealousy over his friendship with The Rock; Had an entertaining European Championship reign entering to various countries native music and in their native garb (lederhosen anyone?); Became a trainer for Tough Enough and later participated in the WWE reboot of ECW briefly; Possibly best known for being the eternal punchline to all of Mick Foley’s jokes

Staff Thoughts: Describing the Pepper storyline has us questioning life choices that led us to this moment. You’d think talking to a mannequin head would be the low point of a guy’s career not the high point, but Al Snow was always different. That said he made some of the ridiculous bullshit he was handed bearable or even enjoyable. He was the rock of the early Hardcore division and he made it work. He was a solid worker during the Attitude Era when that was much less of a priority. But don’t take my word for it, read the excellent Making the Case article by Michael DeDamos to hear more about the goodness of Al Snow. And lets all pretend he wasn’t involved in a match featuring dogs humping, shall we?

From the Voters: “Carved out a nice midcard role with the Head gimmick but in the ring he never impressed me.” – Brian Cullinane, May 29, 2017

“Here is a pretty good TV match with Al Snow and Val Venis. I had been going with the conventional wisdom on Al but I have been watching what I can find on him for a good portion of the day. The more I find, the more I like. A lot of the Attitude Era stuff can be a bit of a blur because they did so much and the product was so hot. Al Snow seemed to always have an angle going and got a lot of tv time back then. “ – Michael DeDamos, June 22, 2017

182. Stan Stasiak Total Points: 251 Total Ballots: 12 Average Rank: 80.8 High Vote: 61 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: Scott Herrin

Key Matches & Moments: Won the WWWF Championship from Pedro Morales and would lose it to Bruno Sammartino; Challenged Superstar Billy Graham for the WWWF Championship and later Bob Backlund for the WWF title; Challenged for the Tag Team titles on numerous occasions 1974-1979; Was a regular opponent of Pedro Morales during his title reign; Master of the heart punch, Fathered Meat

Staff Thoughts: Stan “The Man’s” claim to fame will always be that he was a transitional champion between Pedro Morales and Bruno Sammartino. He appeared to regularly challenge Pedro and also battled Superstar Billy Graham and Bob Backlund as well as challenge for the tag titles with a rotating cast of partners, but he never won the straps. He used the heart punch and the bear hug as his featured offense. Fathered Shawn Stasis, thus unleashing “Meat” on future wrestling fans. That’s about as positive as I can make this write up, now on to quotes from the Voters.

From the Voters: “Oh dear lord then Stan is really bad. I’ve never seen any of his matches, but saying he’s worse than (his son) Shawn takes him off the list of guys I need to watch.” – Trent Williams, June 3, 2017

“Worst champ ever?” – Parv, June 15, 2017

181. Molly Holly Total Points: 252 Total Ballots: 9 Average Rank: 73 High Vote:47 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: El Groino

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted alongside “cousins” Bob and Crash Holly in a feud with T&A and Trish Stratus; Had an on-screen relationship with Spike Dudley leading to a falling out with Crash and she pinned him in an intergender match; Became Might Molly, a sidekick to the Hurricane before braining him with a frying pan and winning the Hardcore Championship at WrestleMania X8 before losing it Christian the same night; Defeated Trish Stratus at King of the Ring 2002 for her first Women’s Championship; Earned her second Women’s Championship by defeating Gail Kim on Raw in 2003; Lost her title to Victoria leading to the Hair vs. Title match at WrestleMania XX where she was defeated again and got her head shaved

Staff Thoughts: During her time in the company she was depicted as a prude, a virgin and overweight before finally having her head shaved (though that was reportedly her idea). She certainly deserved better, as she was a really good wrestler at a time when the women’s division would swing between decent wrestlers and untrained models depending on the whims of the moment. Molly also did some good character work as Mighty Molly and with Spike Dudley. Her feuds with Trish and Victoria produced some good matches. Despite the disrespectful commentary and depiction of her character traits, she was given a lot of focus within the division and took advantage when she had the opportunity.

From the Voters: “She makes my list easily. And kinda high. But I’m terribly biased when it comes to her.” – Jason Sherman, June 1, 2017

“Mechanically probably the best worker from that era of women. Seemed to be game for anything, and always made the best of what she was given. Getting her head shaved at WrestleMania is probably her one big moment. Probably an overachiever given the timeframe she was active, but it won’t be enough to make my list.” – Adam Russell, July 12, 2017

180. Wade Barrett Total Points: 265 Total Ballots: 15 Average Rank: 83.3 High Vote: 21 Low Vote: 96 High Voter: Ian Goldsworthy

Key Matches & Moments: Leader of the Nexus group of NXT graduates looking to make a name for themselves; Was the last member of Nexus to be eliminated in the 7-on-7 match at SummerSlam 2010; Competed for the WWE Championship in a six-pack challenge at Night of Champions 2010; Defeated John Cena at Hell in a Cell forcing him to join Nexus; Challenged Randy Orton for the WWE Championship numerous times in 2010; Lost to John Cena at TLC 2010 when Cena dropped 23 chairs on Barrett; Formed the Corre after CM Punk assumed control of Nexus, kicking him out of the group; Defeated Kofi Kingston to win the Intercontinental title eventually losing it to Ezekiel Jackson; Competed in SmackDown Money in the Bank 2011 match and faced Daniel Bryan in a good match at SummerSlam 2011; Captained a team at Survivor Series to challenge Randy Orton’s team and was one of two survivors in the match; Assumed “Bad News” Barrett gimmick telling us all he had some bad news, getting over as a face in the process; Won the 2015 King of the Ring and taking the King Barrett gimmick afterwards; Joined the League of Nations with Sheamus, Rusev and Alberto Del Rio; Was a five-time Intercontinental Champion

Staff Thoughts: I’m afraid I’ve got some Bad News… despite all his talent and opportunities, Wade Barrett never became the star most believe him capable of being. Too many ill-timed injuries and stop-and-start pushes make him a classic case of woulda, coulda, shoulda (hear the guys discuss this very topic on a FYC podcast).

From the Voters: “On a list of 100, he might make it. I enjoyed his Nexus run, his bare knuckle brawler character, and of course, his Bad News run. He was middling in the ring but made the most of what he had and worked up against the likes of Cena and Orton in his rookie year. If anybody has a case for booking working against them, it’s Wade Barrett.” – Ben Morse, June 4, 2017

“I can’t see him cracking the list. Tons of potential. I always thought he would wind up breaking out but injuries kept striking.” – Matthew Richards, June 4, 2017

179. Dean Malenko Total Points: 268 Total Ballots: 8 Average Rank: 67.5 High Vote: 26 Low Vote: 98 High Voter: Scott Herrin

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted as part of the Radicalz; Defeated Essa Rios to win the Light Heavyweight title; Lost the title to Scotty 2 Hotty before winning it back from him to become a two-time Light Heavyweight Champion; Had a great hidden gem match with Scotty 2 Hotty at Backlash 2000; Feuded with the other Radicalz and challenged Eddie Guerrero for his European title in a three-way match also featuring Saturn at Judgment Day 2000; Adopted a James Bond/Ladies Man gimmick as Double Ho Seven where he attempted to win Lita’s affection leading to a feud with her and the Hardy Boyz

Staff Thoughts: The Backlash match with Scotty 2 Hotty is a forgotten classic and the highlight or Dean Malenko’s WWF career. He had good matches, well almost always, but the Light Heavyweight division wasn’t exactly a hot division in 2000. Was always good teaming with or competing against the other Radicalz. The James Bond character was kind of interesting at times. There’s just not enough in his WWF career to rank any higher (though obviously Dean Malenko has great matches elsewhere).

From the Voters: “I just can’t fathom how this is possible outside of the Dallas 10 man and the Scotty match. I watched his entire 1.5 year run, and while the ladies man stuff was entertaining, there isn’t really anything here that I can even consider.” – Kevin E. Pittack, December 22, 2017

“WWE/F run was a bit limited. His best work was elsewhere, for sure. I think he was an undervalued member of the Radicalz, but after their initial break in h faded quickly into the background. I just don’t think he was a good fit in the WWE where big characters and intangible charisma were of elevated importance” – Matthew Richards, May 30, 2017.

178. Barry Windham Total Points: 271 Total Ballots: 10 Average Rank: 73.9 High Vote: 28 Low Vote: 92 High Voter: Jesse

Key Matches & Moments: Partnered with Mike Rotunda to form the U.S. Express; Defeated the North-South Connection of Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch for the WWF Tag Team titles; Dropped the belts to the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff at the first WrestleMania in a shocking upset; The U.S. Express regained the titles from Sheiky Baby and Volkoff and then lost them to the Dream Team; Returned to the WWF in 1989 as the Widowmaker and was scheduled to be on Randy Savage’s Survivor Series team before he left the company; Returned to the company in 1996 as The Stalker wearing camouflage facepaint and being billed from “The Environment;” Appeared at Survivor Series 1996 and was eliminated by Goldust; Began teaming with Justin “Hawk” Bradshaw as the New Blackjacks before turning on Bradshaw to join Jim Cornette in the NWA angle that was soon dropped

Staff Thoughts: Clearly, the Stalker and New Blackjacks blazed a trail for the WWF into the new millennium, cementing Windham’s place in the annals of WWF history. OK, the U.S. Express was a very good tag team and looked to be the WWF equivalent of a pretty boy babyface team that just didn’t stick around long enough to make that much of an impact. Kind of the story of Windham’s WWF career.

From the Voters: “He would rank fairly high on my NWA or even my all time list. Such a shame that some of these nominees that are considered great had such meaningless runs with the WWE.” – Michael Schoen, July 14, 2017

177. Taka Michinoku Total Points: 286 Total Ballots: 13 Average Rank: 79 High Vote: 37 Low Vote: 97 High Voter: Microstatistics

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted at the Canadian Stampede PPV in an excellent match vs. Great Sasuke; Won the Light Heavyweight Championship defeating Brian Christopher in the finals at the Degeneration-X PPV to become the first Light Heavyweight Champion recognized by the WWF; Held the Light Heavyweight title for 10 months before losing it to Christian at Judgment Day 1998; Taka began teaming with Bradshaw and feuding with Kai En Tai; Later turned on partner Val Venis to join Kai En Tai and assist in the “choppy choppy your pee-pee” incident we all know and love; Challenged Triple H for the WWF Championship in a semi-famous match from Raw April 10, 2000; Along with Kai En Tai repeatedly attempted to enter the 2000 Royal Rumble being thrown out repeatedly and with more vigor with each time; With Funaki became known for their “Indeed!” skits  

Staff Thoughts: The early matches with Great Sasuke got Taka over and stole most shows (OK, it didn’t steal Canadian Stampede because of some other match on that card, but still). Was the inaugural Light Heavyweight Title holder and had a lengthy run with the (cough) prestigious (cough) title. Despite these legit qualifications and great matches, he’ll likely always be associated with “choppy choppy your pee-pee.” Indeed!

From the Voters: “Had a few good to great matches with Sasuke off the bat, then spent way too much time dicking around with Brian Christopher that first year. Never got enough time to do anything special with Aguila or the rest of Kaientai, then with the heel turn dropped off the radar until his insane Rumble bump and his match with HHH in 2000. Not enough.” – Ben Morse, June 9, 2017

176. Chavo Guerrero, Jr. Total Points: 287 Total Ballots: 13 Average Rank: 78.923 High Vote: 50 Low Vote: 100 High Voter: Ian Goldsworthy

Key Matches & Moments: Came to WWF as part of the Alliance; Soon aligned himself with uncle Eddie Guerrero teaming as Los Guerrero; Part of the famed “SmackDown Six” that had fantastic matches week in and week out in singles and tag bouts together; Won the Tag Team Championship with Eddie at Survivor Series 2002 in a three-way match with Edge & Rey Mysterio and Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit; Turned on Eddie and was defeated at Royal Rumble 2004; Joined by father Chavo “Classic” who helped Chavo Jr. win the Cruiserweight Title from Rey Mysterio; Successfully defended his Cruiserweight title at WrestleMania XX in a Cruiserweight Open; Adopted the much panned Kerwin White persona that was quickly dropped in the aftermath of Eddie Guerrero’s death; Turned on Rey Mysterio costing him his World Heavyweight Championship and starting a feud with Vickie Guerrero as his manager; Won the ECW title from CM Punk and lost it to Kane at WrestleMania XXIV in 11 seconds; Feuded with Santino Marella and Hornswoggle and lost a Hog Pen match (with Vickie) to Santino Marella; A four-time Cruiserweight Champion; two-time Tag Team champion (with Eddie) and an ECW Champion

Staff Thoughts: Well, I guess he WAS part of the SmackDown Six. J.T. Rozzero’s favorite wrestler had great matches during that time frame in tag matches against Benoit & Angle and Edge & Rey. The run with Chavo Classic was also entertaining, as Classic provided the charisma Jr. never had. His series with Mysterio was also very good. Chavo Jr. was the definition of a solid hand, but one that overstayed his welcome and by the time he was winning the ECW title crowds had grown tired of him.

From the Voters: “I mean, you could maybe name 10-20 guys who were bigger WWE stars than Chavo even during Chavo’s biggest 2 years in the business.That said, the Mysterio feud & Los Guerreros were both big deals, and his stuff with Chavo Classic was….well, classic. He won’t make mine, but he could be a sleeper on this thing.” – James Proffitt, May 29, 2017

“I have zero time for this fool, best run was the team with Eddie and he was clearly the worst SD Sixer. Boring ass singles guy. Boring promo. Aside from Rey carrying his ass has no memorable matches. Gross.” – Stacey O’Loghlin, May 31, 2017

“He is trash.” – JT Rozzero, January 16, 2017

175. Bob Holly Total Points: 289 Total Ballots: 18 Average Rank: 84.9 High Vote: 40 Low Vote: 99 High Voter: Scott Butler

Key Matches & Moments: Debuted as “Sparky” Thurman Plugg and later changed to Bob “Spark Plug” Holly the wrestler racecar driver; Had a one-day Tag Team Title reign with the 1-2-3 Kid in 1995; Part of the Underdogs team losing to the Body Donnas team at Survivor Series 1995; Formed the New Midnight Express as part of the NWA angle with Jim Cornette; Competed in the Brawl for All and was the only opponent that Bart Gunn didn’t knock out, perhaps due to loyalty from the old New Midnight Express team; Was part of the J.O.B. Squad; Was a staple of the Hardcore division, changing his name to Hardcore Holly, becoming a six-time Hardcore champion and having good matches with Al Snow; Began teaming with his “cousin” Crash and the duo won the Tag Team titles and also added “cousin” Molly Holly to the act; Lost a fun hard fought WWF Title match to Triple H on Heat in the summer of 2000; Became a trainer for Tough Enough where he was known to beat the ever loving shit out of trainees; May or may not have sandbagged Brock Lesnar on a powerbomb attempt resulting in him landing on his neck and being out of action for 13 months; Challenged Lesnar for the WWE Championship at Royal Rumble 2004; Was part of the WWE ECW reboot and had a notable match with Rob Van Dam where he got his back sliced open on a table; Was part of the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember; Had a “respect feud” with Cody Rhodes that led to the two forming a tag team, eventually capturing Holly’s third Tag Team championship with his third partner

Staff Thoughts: How do you like me now? Well, Sparky, I guess the voters like you to the tone of the 175th best WWE wrestler of all time. It seems longevity was his friend, as the racecar driving, wrestling student whoopin’, midcarder for life doesn’t seem super memorable. Highlights would be the early hardcore matches, his interactions with Crash as the Super Heavyweights (though Crash carried that joke better) and the ECW match with his back sliced open is certainly memorable (no doubt he is a tough son of a bitch). Steve Williams has more thoughts on Bob Holly (spoiler alert if you are a fan of Holly you may want to skip this).

From the Voters: “My 99. Always was a mark for him as the kind of “solid hand” who added depth to a show and had credibility with the audience as a vet badass. The Big Shot gimmick was my favorite Attitude Era mid-card gimmick. I admit it’s like putting a punter in the Hall of Fame, but I think there is a place for one or two punters.” – Dylan Hales, June 3, 2017

“Oh god no. Awful. A step up from the Brooklyn Brawler, a kazam away from someone like X-Pac as far as mainstay ‘measuring stick’ type guys. Wouldn’t make my top 250. Only time I can remember him being vaugely memorable was when he was the superheavyweight tag, and that was almost exclusively due to Crash’s charisma.” – James Derbyshire, June 3, 2017