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toiletclown · 1 month ago

Text

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.

spencer agnew x f!reader

fluff <3 word count: 6354

summary: being best friends with spencer agnew was the greatest gift the universe ever gave you. you don't have anyone else in your life who keeps up with you like he does. which is why the flirty banter between you two is so fun, right? it's silly. it doesn't mean anything. right??

(basically the you wanna kiss me so bad x that's so gross get tf away from me freak bestie to lovers trope. or whatever. i don't know. love u.)

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“Spencer, ew!” You yelled from across the Board AF table. You were in the middle of a Moose Master shoot, and it had very quickly turned to chaos – as usual. Luckily, Moose Master shoot days meant a long, long lunch after wrap to recuperate the massive amount of energy you lost after screaming and laughing like a banshee for an hour.

“What, you don't think that’s funny?” Spencer shot back. He was using his freshly-pulled Echo Master card on you, because of course he was. “I'm the one in charge here! You're my echo and you have to say baaaabe if I say it.” He dragged out the word, a whiny cadence, then crossed his arms in front of his chest. Cute, he was attempting to put his foot down.

“I’m not doing that, Spencer!” You crossed your arms right back. Two could play at this game.

Being best friends with Spencer Agnew was the greatest gift the universe ever gave you.

Courtney, Chanse, and Angela were just whipping their heads back and forth, following the banter from each side of the table.

“Alex!” Spencer called out, a last ditch effort.

Alex laughed from off-camera. “Sorry, Y/N. He has the card, he makes the rule.”

“Judas!” You hissed.

Everyone was laughing at this point, and despite your bickering, you were over the moon. You loved your job, and all your friends.

“What’s wrong, babe?” He winked at you, and you pretended to gag.

“Babe, nothing is wrong,” You deadpanned. You didn't use the same inflection as Spencer, wondering if he would try to argue that that counted as a penalty.

“Penalty card! Pull a penalty card!” Spencer’s face was filled with childlike glee. Bastard, of course he would pull that shit. Although, you selfishly loved seeing his face light up like this. You loved seeing him happy.

“For what?” Courtney asked, no malice in her voice – they were enjoying the show.

“No answering questions!” Spencer yelled, thinking he pulled one over on you.

But really, Courtney pulled one over on him. “Penalty card, pull a penalty card, Spence!” You mocked him, rubbing it in his face.

“Bro, you want to kiss me so bad right now,” Spencer made several kissy noises at you.

“Do we still have a yeet bucket available?” You begged, tipping your head back and rolling your eyes.

“Do we?” Spencer asked you, remembering the rule that got him yet another “bummer, this is your penalty card to keep!” card. It was first to seven, and he was at six. You, however, were at four.

The game went on and on, you echoing Spencer’s babe, incessantly. You finally missed one and took your penalty card, but you had lasted several rounds of play and were still proud of yourself. However, if this was a bummer card, you would lose.

You hold the penalty card face down, attempting to build suspense. “Can I have a drumroll?”

Spencer immediately began tapping his fingers on the table.

You squealed. “Lucky day! Hmm, who shall I give this to…” You held the card up to your face, tapping it against your chin as though in deep thought.

Everyone started shouting names. Courtney called for Spencer. Spencer called for Angela. Angela called for Chanse. Chanse called for Spencer, too.

You shot the card across the table to Spencer, and it hit him in the face. “Oops! Sorry, I’m a bad shot,” you shrugged, knowing he wouldn’t actually care.

“I gave you a drumroll!” He yelped, incensed that you would do this to him, knowing he was one card away from being out.

“Sorry, babe, it wasn’t the right tempo.”

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You and Spencer decided on Homestate for lunch, sitting in your car in the Smoffice parking lot, bent every which way to be comfy and facing each other in the small car.

You loved having time alone with Spencer, and you refused to think deeper into why. You weren’t that extroverted in your real life. It was easy to be extroverted on camera, especially when your best friends in the entire universe are there with you, making you double over in laughter, egging you on to take a joke further.

The past few times you’ve been one-on-one with Spencer, you had gotten a bit nervous right beforehand. You’ve never, in all your years of friendship with Spencer, felt nervous before seeing him. And you were choosing to blame one Courtney Ruth Miller for this.

“Spencer’s thirst trap edits on TikTok,” Courtney giggled.

Shayne breaks into that high-pitched laughter that only Courtney brought out of him, and Amanda was laughing in either disbelief or agreement. Actually, it was probably both.

“No, I don’t save them,” Courtney clarified. “But I send–I send them to him.”

“Check this out, dude,” Shayne said in his frat bro voice.

“And also me, why don’t I check it out again?” Courtney laughed again.

“Also, where did I save that? Hmm…” Amanda added.

The room devolved into a fit of giggles.

Courtney left out a small part of the story. You were usually the one that sent the edits to her.

You wouldn’t say that you had a crush on Spencer. Or that you even had feelings for him that weren't platonic. But sometimes, late in bed, scrolling on TikTok, your for you page would really be for you and put a thirst trap edit of your best friend on your feed. Sometimes, once you sent a video to Court, your algorithm would pick up on it and put a bunch of edits in a row. You’d watch them all, sending half of them to Courtney, fawning over how pretty he was.

You didn’t have feelings for Spencer, you just had eyes that worked. You knew he was beautiful, with his wild, curly hair, his glasses, his humor. Everything about him was attractive to you. He was extremely funny, never took a joke too far, and respected your boundaries. These were all desirable traits, normal things to find attractive in another person.

But, when you watched that Smosh Mouth episode, and dared to look at the comments, your stomach started burning.

The spencer thirst edits is so real, courtney

I also send my friends spencer thirst edits <3

Spencer thirst trap enjoyers rise up !!

You couldn’t place the emotion that was rising inside you, swallowing you. You weren’t dumb, you knew that other people saw those edits. You once saw one with over 20k likes, clearly Spencer being attractive wasn’t a hot take. And it wasn’t – he was objectively hot in looks alone, right? But knowing him personally, well, that only endeared you to him more.

Jealousy. You felt… jealous. You had pinpointed the emotion that was skyrocketing your body temperature, but you needed to pinpoint the reason now. Why do you feel jealous? What is there to be jealous of? He’s not yours.

You had had a bit of an anxiety attack over it all when you woke up this morning. You let it all fade away once you got to the office, but sitting in your tiny car, cramped up next to Spencer… the confusion, the jealousy, it was all rearing its head once more.

“You good, babe?” Spencer asked, followed by a large bite of quesadilla.

For some reason, the pet name – despite its frequency in conservation with Spencer – burned you just a little more.

You moved your food to the side, no longer hungry. “Yeah, Spence. I’m okay.” But your voice was tight, and you knew it gave you away. Spencer always knew.

“Y/N, you know you’re a shit liar.” He tossed a crumpled up napkin at you, his way of encouraging you to open up.

You let out a laugh, weakly. “Shut up.”

Spencer tapped your leg, prompting you to meet his eyes. “Hey. Please? Let me help my best friend,” he said, and the platonic tone he used made you want to shrivel up and pass away. His best friend. That was all you were, all you would ever be. You thought you had made peace with this sentiment, years and years ago. You thought this was a thing you understood, a thing that was an unspoken agreement.

But maybe it wasn’t. “I don’t think I want to talk about it just yet. Let me process a bit more, and you’ll be the first one to know.” You held out your right pinky, silently asking for a pinky swear.

Spencer smiled, a beautiful sight in the afternoon sun, and linked his pinky with yours. You both leaned in, kissing your respective thumbs to signify the pinky swear was official. It was something you had done for so many years at this point, that the motion was entirely subconscious.

You pulled away with more force than was necessary, but if Spencer noticed, he took mercy and he didn’t question you. “Let’s talk about you!” You blurted out, desperately trying to redirect the conversation. “How are the apps treating you?” You said ‘apps’ with a certain sense of disdain, meant to come off as a joke but coming out more truthful than you meant.

You’re not sure why this was your best choice for “redirecting the conversation”. Because whatever he was going to say wasn’t going to be any easier to hear.

“Oh, I deleted ‘em.”

Eyes wide, you leaned forward again, your body constantly stuck in a gravitational pull towards him. “What? When? Why?”

“Who, what, when, where, why, and how?” He mocked you, and you made a big show of rolling your eyes.

“You’re so dramatic, Y/N. I love it.” He said.

So, you did what you always did. “I might be dramatic but I’m always right.” You loved your friendship with Spencer, because he was the only one that pushed you hard enough. You loved to volley insults back and forth, and to have someone keep up with you when you’re really in the groove. Here you were, starting up your game. A back and forth of barbs with frightening frequency, always on the same page. Spencer never had a problem keeping that insane pace with you. It almost seemed like you were the one running, and he was on a leisurely stroll right behind you, never struggling to keep up with you. Always right there.

“Best friend my ass, why didn’t you tell me!” It was a rhetorical question, and you didn’t need or want an answer to it. You were afraid of what his reasoning would be.

What if he met someone?

He didn’t seem to pick up on your internal battle. “I don’t know, we haven’t really hung out lately.” His voice was suddenly a lot lower, an air of sadness in his tone. “I feel like this is the first time I’ve had you to myself in a month.”

Your heart skipped a beat, just for a moment, at that. You decided to push your luck.

“Had me to yourself, eh?” You winked at him, “And you say that I want to kiss you so bad.” You leaned back again, letting the space between you and Spencer return to a normal, friendly, platonic amount.

To his credit, Spencer was usually the one that made the suggestive jokes. Then, you would shut him down immediately. You would call him disgusting, say he could only have you in his dreams, make a small dick joke, something. That was how the bit went. But you were surprised to see how dumbfounded he looked.

“Sorry I stole your bit,” you exhaled, a bit breathless at the way he was looking at you. Like you were always surprising him, and that he loved it. Like he could maybe love you.

Your phone’s alarm went off, signaling it was time to go back inside. You didn’t have another shoot today, but Spencer had a livestream. Maybe you’d sit in, but you’d more than likely go for a walk to try and get rid of this negative, nervous, jealous energy.

Spencer groaned, and you laughed. “What?”

“I just wanted more time with you is all,” he started, measuring your reaction. When you raised an eyebrow, he pushed his luck. He leaned over the console, right up to your face. Your lips were merely an inch apart, a soft, warm kiss just a small distance away. You stayed silent, and you stayed still.

A beat.

He looked down at your lips.

Another beat.

“Wanted to see how bothered I could get you,” he whispers, and as he speaks he loses his balance for a second. Your lips brush for the quickest moment. It wasn’t a kiss, not really, just a slight touch. Lips to lips, but no pressure. No romance.

Somehow, you both managed to keep your faces straight.

Then, Spencer pulled away, agonizingly slow, tantalizingly slow. You didn’t breathe for a moment. It felt like recess again, like you had just run around too hard for too long and now your little lungs couldn’t fill up all the way.

You forced yourself to stay silent. He smiled again, a wickedly beautiful thing. Then he left you in your car, a raging fire fueled further with every one of his antics.

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After three full minutes of deep breathing exercises, you finally reentered the office. As soon as the door came to a close behind you, Alex came sprinting up to you, scaring you a little with their sense of urgency.

They came to a stop right in front of you, and after doubling over trying to catch his breath, he finally spoke. “Angela got sick after lunch,” Another quick breath, “can you come do the livestream with Spencer in her place?”

All that fucking nervous energy came flooding back in, thousandfold. Those deep breathing exercises were useless. All for naught.

Alex was desperate, and despite your current problem, you loved him. And Spencer. And Smosh. Fuck it.

“Yeah, of course I can. Is there anything planned?” You said, following behind them when they rejoiced and started heading for the stage.

They laugh, which makes you laugh, only his was genuine and yours was nervous and obvious.

“Oh, no, what?” You asked, another nervous chuckle coming out of you.

You had reached the door to the stage, and when you walked in you watched as Spencer rattled on about – you listened a bit closer – Family Guy? What the hell, sure. Alex probably told him to start the stream and keep it going while they grabbed someone to cover.

You’d like to think you were Alex’s first choice. You knew that you and Spencer had incredible chemistry on camera, which was only because you had incredible chemistry for real. There was a not insignificant amount of the fanbase that shipped you two. Sometimes, if your TikTok FYP didn’t serve you Spencer thirst traps, it served you edits of the two of you flirting. Compilation videos of moments you shared on camera would come up in your YouTube suggestions. And you watched them all. All the way to the end.

And that never really made much sense, now did it? Why watch these videos speculating on the romantic nature of the friendship you cherished so dearly? You wanted it to be just friendship. That’s what you’ve wanted for nearly ten years now.

And now, all of the sudden, it really was starting to feel like ‘friends’ wasn’t enough. Like you wanted more, and you wanted it bad.

Shit.

You walked over to the livestream setup, making a loud whooping noise to announce your arrival. “Big dick daddy’s back in town baby!” You said, for some fucking reason. While you were doing your breathing exercises in your car, you were also on Twitter. Clearly the brain rot was influencing you. Or it was the gas leak.

You went with that.

“Whoa, coming in hot, eh?” Spencer said, looking up at you while you fiddled with the headphones before sitting in the comfy little swivel chair next to him.

His eyes were full of love, but you knew that was just because you were saving his ass right now.

That was all. You couldn’t indulge yourself in the possibility of it being more.

You just realized, as you nestled into the chair next to him, that you and Spencer hadn’t done a solo stream together yet. You were in a few of the group livestreams together, when there were four or five cast members involved. But you had yet to do one this… intimate. You shuddered mentally at that word.

“I’m here with Mr. Spencer Agnew, sir, can you tell us what we’ll be doing today?” You asked Spencer, holding your fist up like you had a microphone in. You leaned closer and shoved your hand in his face.

He laughed, and if you actually did have a mic in your hands, the audio would have peaked from the sheer sound of it. You didn’t think your bit was that funny, but you appreciated his enthusiasm.

Spencer played into all your bits. You were always thankful for that. You were never made to feel like your joke was going to bomb. He put his mouth right up close to the ‘mic’ you were holding, and he wrapped his hand around yours like he was trying to steady the ‘microphone’ himself. You threw your head back, giddy.

“Well, Mr. Big Dick Daddy, today we have a FNAF livestream! Super excited to be here, super excited that you are here, because I know how much you hate jumpscares.”

“Alex! You fuck!” You screamed in his general direction. That was why they had laughed when you asked them what was planned.

Spencer snickered, then added a dramatic gasp. “Hey! I was the one who decided that we were playing FNAF, don’t give them all the credit!”

“The only thing I’m going to give you credit for is giving me a heart murmur at such a young age, dickwad.” You crossed your arms in defiance, then bumped shoulders with Spencer to make sure he knew you were okay. “You play, please?” You asked, timid, picking up the controller. “I’ll watch. Please?”

Spencer couldn’t deny you much. He’d proven time and again that despite the way you both spoke to each other, your best friend had a soft spot for you. He gave you a reassuring smile, grabbing the controller from your hands. Just out of frame, one of his hands landed on your knee, a sign of safety, a hint of comfort. You instantly found yourself calming down, despite knowing you were about to get wrecked in the chat for your reactions to the jumpscares.

You looked over at chat for the first time since you sat down, and a blush started forming. The monitor displaying the chat was just off to your left side, and you were able to eye it surreptitiously.

fuck they are SO cute

shayne and courtney truthers turned to spencer and y/n truthers WAKE UP!! it’s our time!!

the way she’s leaning into him goddddddddd ME AND WHO?

between the shourtney lore we’ve been getting and now these two, i’m going to explode

they act just how me and my now wife acted before we made the leap from friends to lovers. i have faith !!

The last comment stood out to you the most. So much so, that you didn’t realize you didn't answer Spencer’s question. The chat was flying, the comment you committed to memory long gone.

“Sorry, I zoned out. That Homestate was so good, I think I need a nap now.” You decided to acknowledge it while still deflecting.

Spencer chuckled. He was swapping through the cameras in the game at warp speed, click, click, click. Click, click, click. You didn’t know how he even processed what he was looking at, or for. “You didn’t even finish it, how are you this tired?”

“If I remember correctly, I was interrupted.” You shot a fiery look at him, pushing him. This was a livestream, nothing could just be cut out of it. He had to be careful. You wanted to see if he would be.

“You want to kiss me soooooo bad, Y/N.�� To anyone else, that retort was normal. He’d said it to you on camera about a hundred times. Hell, he said it a few hours ago. But he was pushing back. Teetering dangerously on the line of caution.

You were trying to figure out if you should just push both of you over the edge, sending each other tumbling into madness. But you also wondered if you should pull him back by the sleeve of his stupid hoodie. “Maybe, maybe not,” was what you settled on.

Chat exploded again, you could see the feed rapidly updating in your periphery. For your own sanity, you decided not to actually try and read anything being said.

“Oh, ew!” Spencer shouted. Your look of confusion, borderline a look of hurt, sends him spiraling and he hurries to explain. “You always say something mean to me when I flirt with you, I figured I’d return the favor this time.” He ended his declaration with a wink. Spencer wasn’t being mean, he was giving you a dose of your own medicine.

Fuck the cliff, fuck any sort of ground you’ve ever stood on. You were free falling, hurtling at record speed, mere moments away from going splat! all over the comically large bullseye painted below. It was the best adrenaline rush you’d ever experienced. All-encompassing, consuming, hungry.

“Ohhhh,” you said, like you just got the joke. “Okay, let’s go again. I’m ready this time!”

Spencer continued playing the game, focus never breaking because this was everyday for you. Neither of you had an on-camera persona when you were next to each other. It was just your friendship. The things you said off-camera, you said just as loud on-camera.

You watched as his thumbs flew around on the controller, flipping through the cameras, shutting the doors. No major jumpscares yet, but the knowledge that they would come was still in the back of your mind.

His hands were nice. Not too big, his fingers stopping not far above the tips of yours when you would hold your hands up to each other’s. You were both big on physical affection, so that was often. They were extremely dextrous, watching him type on a mechanical keyboard felt near-religious. The way they sped around, key-to-key, no effort needed, no concentration, no looking at the keyboard.

He finally spoke again. “I’m waiting for you to do your line, babe.”

Spencer was on the brink of the danger zone. He didn’t call you babe on camera that often, as though he wanted to keep that for just the two of you, as often as possible. When he did, it was either a whisper – low enough the editor would have to add in an on-screen caption – or in a mocking manner like today’s Moose Master.

“Shit, sorry. Okay.” You did a few speech and breathing exercises, rapidly moving from noise to noise, just to make him laugh. “If I remember correctly, I was interrupted.”

“You want to kiss me so bad, babe. You want to kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

Your head turned to him at Mach 1. Not necessarily because of his words, but because of how nonchalantly he spoke them. Like you didn’t have at least 5,000 eyes on you right now. Like you weren’t livestreaming, on the internet, for everyone and their fucking mother to see.

Like you weren’t having your heart ripped out on a live feed.

The universe decided to throw you a bone, but it was unfortunately in the form of a jumpscare. It had you screeching, knees pulled up to your chest in your chair, both hands suddenly gripping Spencer’s hoodie. Your heart rate was through the roof, and anything you felt a minute ago was gone, replaced only with this new strain of adrenaline and a little bit of fear.

“Fuck!” You yelled one last time, your string of expletives sure to get clipped and bleeped to death for TikTok. “Sometimes I try to play this game and I remember that literal children can play this. This shit scares me at my big age, and my little cousins are telling me all about the fucking lore like it’s fun!”

“It is fun!” Spencer cut in, defending Scott Cawthon’s honor. The game was still on the ‘game over’ screen, and he was making no moves to jump back in. He wanted to make sure you were okay to continue, and you loved him more for it. He was so thoughtful, you wanted to throw up.

“No, no, the game is fun, please don’t attack me, chat!” You said through a fit of laughter. “I like the game, I promise. I can watch Spence play it, but I can’t ever play it myself because I simply freak out at everything. It’s embarrassing!”

“It’s cute.” Spencer restarted the night, since you had lightly tapped his knee to let him know you were okay to keep going. But now that he said that, you weren’t as sure. He was going to be the death of you, and he was likely going to enjoy it. Sadist.

After a few small jumpscares, another big one came in the form of Foxy. You yelped, again, shutting your eyes and grabbing onto Spencer’s hoodie for the second time in less than twenty minutes. “I told you that you would give me an irregular heart beat, but I think you just want me to die on camera.”

“Hey,” Spencer said, voice soft and serious while not being too vulnerable. You were being watched after all. “Don’t say that.”

You kissed his cheek, deciding that nothing fucking mattered anymore. So what, you were in love with your best friend. It’s okay that he doesn’t think of you that way, because at least he’s in your life. You might as well do some fan service. Have some fun.

“Sorry, babe.” Your head found his shoulder, curled up into him. Far too intimate for a Five Nights at Freddy’s let’s play livestream, far too intimate for ‘friends’. But Spencer just readjusted to wrap his arm around you, reuniting his hand with the controller once you wiggled around a little to get comfortable. It was a tight fit, but it wasn’t a bad one. It was comfy. You’d played video games like this with Spencer before, though usually you were in a dark living room, illuminated only by the TV screen as you watched him play Fortnite or Resident Evil or as you played Stardew co-op together. Never like this, cameras and microphones and viewers. But it felt nice, that he wanted to love you so loudly, despite you just being friends.

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Ian called you into a meeting room two minutes after the livestream ended. Both of you, actually.

“Ian? What’s going on?” You asked, feeling panicked.

Ian sat down and let out a breath, contemplating his word choice. “Okay, so,” he paused, once again trying to figure out his wording. “So, I just have to ask, because I’m your boss, and because this is unfortunately a ‘business’ –” he added air quotes around the word ‘business’, which made you and Spencer chuckle, “Are the two of you in a relationship?”

You were genuinely too stunned to speak. You looked at Spencer, who was already looking at you. Because of course he was. Because of course Ian’s asking this question. Because why aren’t you dating? Why have you been wasting all these years as ‘just friends’ when you’ve both clearly been in love with each other this whole time? You finally broke the silence.

“Not that I’m aware of?” It was a cop out, but you needed to talk to Spencer one-on-one. This wasn’t a conversation to have in front of your boss. “You?”

Spencer slowly shook his head before looking at Ian once more. “Yeah, no, not as far as I know.”

Ian sighed. “And you would be one hundred percent honest if this changed?”

“Yes, Dad. If me and Spencer decide to start making out, we will ask for your consent first. Sorry, Dad.” You said, trying to ease the tension in the room. It was making you claustrophobic.

Thankfully, Ian and Spencer laughed. “Yeah, sorry Y/N’s Dad. We promise to ask you first. Please make sure you do not have Slack alerts silenced at any time.”

After some laughs, Ian stood back up and wrapped you and Spencer in a hug. Once he pulled back, he whispered, “Please tell me first so I can win the office bet.” And then, he was gone.

“Office bet?” You asked, turning to Spencer in confusion.

He shrugged, “I’m not sure.”

“Okay. Well, can you come over tonight? I think I want to talk to you about that thing from earlier. I think I’ve processed enough.” You smiled at him, baiting him in.

“Well, I was supposed to hang with Alex tonight, but they’ll understand.” Spencer grabbed your hand, linking your fingers loosely. “I’ll see you tonight, babe.”

And then you were alone.

With a lot of thinking to do.

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You had agreed that Spencer would be at your place at 9pm. It was currently 8:45pm and you were on the verge of passing out from stress. You’d been doing laps around your apartment for an hour, and you’d never been so happy to be on the bottom floor. You cannot imagine being someone’s upstair’s neighbor right now.

You paced once more, repeating the cycle. Kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, on and on forever. Luckily, Spencer was always a little early. He knocked on your door at 8:50pm.

You rushed over, but waited a second before opening the door. You didn’t want to seem too eager. This likely was going to be an extremely emotional conversation. What if you came off desperate?

Once you had paused for what felt like a normal amount of time, you opened the door to Spencer’s beautiful smile. “Hey, babe,” he greeted.

“Hi.”

He nodded towards the entrance, “Can I… come in?”

Oh, right. You were still fully blocking the way. “Oh, sorry, of course!” You laughed, stepping to the side. “Entrée!” You were acting like a fool, but you were nervous as hell. You deserved some slack.

As he entered, you could tell he showered before coming over. You could smell his body wash and his cologne. And it… excited you. You loved the way he smelled, which is why you were constantly stealing his hoodies.

You followed him through your kitchen and into your living room, sitting down next to him on the sofa. Instinctively, you curled right up to him. Though, as soon as you actually noticed this, you pulled back and put a bit of space between the two of you. You can’t be cuddling him when you’re planning to have a heavy conversation about feelings.

Spencer cleared his throat, and you finally met his eyes. “Is everything okay?” He reached a hand out, and you graciously accepted it. You needed a little grounding right now.

Without your consent, tears started pouring out of you, but you did your best to get your words out. “Yeah. Yeah, Spence, everything is okay,” you let out a laugh, and even though it sounded sad due to your state, it was a happy laugh. “Everything is great. I just, um, I just have a question. And it might be silly, but I want you to be honest.” You were thanking the universe that you got everything out without choking. Your tears were still falling, but luckily they were mostly silent.

“Of course, Y/N. What’s up? You’re starting to scare me a bit.” His thumb was rubbing at your hand, a featherlight touch that was so comforting, you could start sobbing all over again.

“Um, Spencer, are we in love?” You were sheepish, admittedly. It was a strange question to ask, and you were terrified at what his answer could be. It seemed like any answer was going to hurt, whether it was a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.

Spencer started blushing, and sputtered a bit before saying, “Uh, are we in love? Like you and me?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re saying it like it’s impossible!” Even though that thought should hurt, a stab wound with the knife ripped out to make sure you keep bleeding, it didn’t. Because it wasn’t impossible, it was the reality, and you knew that.

“I-I mean, fuck, Y/N. Yeah, I’m definitely in love with you. I just didn’t know it was a mutual thing.” Spencer was getting teary-eyed now, and you just wanted to hold him.

So you did. You climbed into his lap, straddling him. Not in a sexual way, in a, I-need-to-be-close-to-you-right-now way. In a way that brought both of you comfort and peace. You hugged him as tight as you could. “I’m sorry, Spencer. I’m sorry it took me so long to understand.”

Spencer was hugging you just as hard, and when he laughed you felt the vibrations blossom in your chest, too. What a beautiful thing, physical touch.

“It’s okay, babe. I was okay with waiting,” Spencer was softing running his hands through your hair now. “I knew I was going to have to wait – you’re fucking oblivious.”

You pulled back with a gasp, “Hey!”

“Baby, it’s been nearly ten years. I’ve been flirting with you excessively and loudly in videos with millions of views for years.” Spencer’s eyes were shining again, and you let yourself get lost in them for a moment.

“I watch YouTube compilations of us flirting!” You blurted out, again, for some fucking reason. What the hell was going on with you today?

Spencer’s laugh was boisterous, and it shook both of you. You were laughing just as hard. “Hey, I do, too. One time someone on Twitter caught me liking a fancam of us. I’m secretly very happy likes are private now.”

“Wait, am I your girlfriend now?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend now?”

You shook your head, “That is not how you’re asking me out, Spencer Agnew.”

He laughed, “My bad, let me start over. Y/N, baaaabe? Will you be my girlfriend? FInally? After ten agonizing years? Please?”

“Oh, my god, Spencer, that one was bad, too!” Your laughs were slightly betraying you, however.

“Baby, please, be my girl. Please?”

You broke out in a feverish blush, and put your head on his shoulder. “Yeah,” you laughed, “Yeah, I will.”

Spencer pressed a soft kiss to your head. “Sorry, what was that?”

You pulled back to look him in the eyes. You grabbed his chin with both of your hands so you could really drive your point home. “Yes, Spencer. I’ll be your girl.”

“Thank fucking god, can I kiss you now?” He was borderline panting now.

“Anytime, babe.”

And he did. He kissed you hard, and he kissed you soft. He was rough, and he was slow. He was everything, all at once, and it was dizzying and intoxicating in the best fucking way.

You weren’t sure how long you both sat there kissing, but it was well into the morning. You woke up in the middle of night, legs tangled with Spencer’s. You had both fallen asleep on your couch, and you were sprawled out across Spencer’s sleeping body. He was snoring very faintly, which was fucking adorable.

You fumbled around in the low light for your phone, checking the time. It was 2:04am. You also had a message from Ian.

I’ll have the HR forms on your desk in the morning. Love you both <3

Damn him.

You woke Spencer up after you had gotten up to pee. After a few minutes of attempting to get him to stand up, you both migrated to the bedroom. Under the covers, you both cuddled up to each other instantly. He sleepily kissed your forehead and wished you a good night. It was the most peaceful sleep of your life.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆

When your alarm went off a mere four hours later, you both were tempted to ignore it. Unfortunately, you both had extremely busy days to tend to. You showed Spencer Ian’s text, which he laughed at. “I hate him.”

You snorted, “Same.” Despite this, you shot him a text.

I’ll bring my favorite pen to sign them with. We’ll be a little late this morning. Busy night :)

“Oh, don’t tell Ian that, please.” Spencer laid back against the pillow with his arm over his eyes, always the drama queen.

Ian’s reply came in, Please respect my boundaries of not discussing my employee’s sex lives. Love you both.

You laughed at his semi-contradiction. You won’t talk to your employees about personal shit but you’ll tell them you love them. Okay, Dad.

You then sat your phone down, and cuddled back up with Spencer. Just for another quick moment. “Five more minutes of this? Then we can get ready.”

“Yeah, I’ll steal something from cast wardrobe today. And I’m sure one of my hoodies is in your car.”

You gaped at the accusation, “Ugh! You don’t know that.”

“Y/N, I saw my grey Legacy hoodie in there yesterday.” He smiled at you, and you loved that he paid attention to you like this. You knew that that hoodie was in there. But it was in the backseat under a number of random items, because you were trying to conceal it. But he saw it anyway, because he sees you. And you were beyond thankful for that.

“Yeah, yeah.”

You both laid in silence, just breathing each other in. This was nice. You could get used to this. You were excited to have this part of Spencer, this side of him that’s just for you. The one that’s extremely soft and caring, but still extremely hilarious. The side that’s so understanding, so observant, so loving.

Maybe loving Spencer Agnew was the greatest gift the universe ever gave you.

#richie txt #richie writes #smosh x reader #spencer agnew x reader

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toiletclown · 1 month ago

Text

reciprocation.

spencer agnew x f!reader, enemies to lovers for anon.

mostly fluff, but there is angst (in my opinion)

summary: it started innocuous. a well-meaning question from your best friend. it all spiraled from there.

there are some things in life that are universally true and agreed upon. the sky is blue. the grass is green. and you and spencer agnew hate each other. when your closest friends grow tired of this nonsense, they hatch a plan. it's unlikely, silly, even. but it works.

word count: 13.6k (yes i'm posting this as a one-shot, not multi-chaptered, sorry lol)

────୨ৎ────

"does the whole 'hating spencer' schtick ever get tired to you?" angela asked one day, while the two of you were out to lunch.

it was a sunny day, as usual, and you started sweating through your tank top just a little harder. perhaps the sun came out from behind a stray cloud.

"i'm sorry?" was your response, followed by a forkful of pasta.

"y'know, this weird bit you guys have going on." ang stared at you, analyzing your face, looking for a reaction.

all she saw was confusion. "i'm not... sure what you mean? we don't have 'a bit'. we aren't friends. kind of hard to have an inside joke when you only spend time together on camera. and half the time i drown him out anyway," you shrugged. neither of you liked each other, and that was fine. you were used to it, and the familiarity was nice. smosh was a very busy and ever-changing job. being able to rely on that was kind of nice. you were never a fan of change, anyway.

"wait, so you and spencer actually dislike each other? like, for real?" your best friend looked genuinely taken aback. you weren't sure why, you had thought it was fairly obvious that the two of you didn't get along.

"yes, we actually dislike each other 'like, for real', angela. i thought that was clear, you've seen the way we interact." you were gathering up another forkful of pasta, and angela started laughing. "why the fuck are you laughing?"

"because it's comical? i thought it was a bit! i thought you two were friends and it was just, like, a long, drawn-out joke, honestly."

"why on earth would you think that it was a bit, ang? i'm a good comedian but i'm not that great of a liar. i wouldn't be able to keep up a conspiracy like that. i fear that’s too much work for me." you ate your forkful finally. angela was still looking at you in disbelief, a few small cackles escaping her now and then.

"yeah, that's fair. crazy bit to commit so hard to, i guess. wait, so why don't you like him?" the brunette had abandoned her pasta at this point, bowl pushed slightly out of the way so she can gesticulate with freedom. "and why doesn't he like you? are you secretly middle school rivals? rivals in some niche video game scene? did he outbid you on a guitar on ebay and now you've vowed to ruin his life?"

you rolled your eyes, lovingly. your favorite thing about angela was how far she could take a joke. picked it up and ran with it. you leaned in, your voice barely audible. "you want to know a secret?"

her eyes widened, leaning in and matching your whisper, "yes, please spill!"

you shifted your eyes from left to right, as though looking for someone who could overhear and ruin your life. you took a deep breath in, preparing to spill… the truth.

"i don't actually know why we hate each other," you whispered, shrugging before sitting back in your chair with an air of finality.

"what?!"

"shh, oh my god, shut the fuck up--"

"what do you mean you don't know?" angela was moving her arms wildly at this point, "why do you still hate him then? does he know? what the fuck?"

"babe, i need you to calm down, we are still very much in a public restaurant--"

"and? spill, bitch, or you're paying the full bill."

"fine! god. i genuinely cannot tell you why we hate each other. yes, we do really hate each other. yes, he knows i hate him, and yes, i know he hates me. that has been the only thing we have ever agreed upon in our entire time at smosh. no, we aren't secretly hate fucking. no, i don't have his number, we only talk at and about work so we use slack. no, i don't know why the hate is mutual, i just know that it is. no, i don't plan on trying to change that any time soon. happy?"

before she could respond with what was likely another barrage of questions, your server came to the table and sat the bill down in front of angela.

"they always assume that i'm paying, what the hell?"

you were glad for the distraction.

✰ .ᐟ

"hello and welcome to you posted that? you posted that is a show where we embarrass our guests with their old, cringy, insane social media posts!" the room filled with cheers as ian intro'd the show, and you were so excited to finally be on it. but you also were nervous to see what they dug from the depths of your twitter.

"joining us today..." ian faked a drumroll on the podium, "our first guest is trevor evarts!"

"please don't bring up any of my rhett and link tweets," he said with a wave.

ian drumrolled again, "second up, we have shayne topp!"

"glad to be here, steve."

"and last but not least, y/n!"

"i am terrified." you said, being sure to stare down the camera, a look of anxiety on your face. you were playing it up, but it was definitely real to a degree. you had said a lot of cringy shit in your younger years. not to mention the not-so-uncommon complaints about a certain coworker. ian wouldn’t do that to you, though. right?

"terrified?” ian scanned the contestant's faces. “is anyone else feeling terrified?"

"not really, steve. i'm proud of what i've done and said and i'll stand by it no matter what. if i don't stand up for myself, who will, you know?" shayne said, clearly doing a character. a slightly intoxicated, far too excited game show contestant. you kind of loved it.

"my name is ian, and i think you know that, shayne. why are you terrified, y/n?" ian turned to you, egging you on.

"i was a shit head as a kid, i don't know how far back you dug!"

"alright then, let's get into the first round." ian explained the rules of the round, and each of you listened intently despite knowing them well.

"trevor. you tweeted, 'my two [blank] need to [blank] before i [blank blank blank].’ and i will give you a hint, this was a tweet from about a year ago."

"why does he get a hint right away!" you called out.

"he's not very bright, y/n, i'm sure you understand." ian replied, prompting trevor to make a few noises.

"be nice to me?"

ian turned back to trevor, mischievous glint in his eye. "y/n's not very bright, trev, i'm sure you understand."

"be nice to me?" you all started laughing, and once it died down trevor made his guess.

"okay, i'll take 'my two coworkers need to fuck before i explode them both' for five points, alex!"

"i remain ian, but let's reveal that tweet!"

"holy fuck," you said under your breath, realizing he got it right on the money. "how did you manage to remember the exact wording? i don't remember what i had for breakfast yesterday. oh my god, i'm gonna lose so hard at this!" you weren’t even playing it up now, you were actually getting worried. you were going to lose, and by a lot. hopefully you can attribute your lack of skill to the now-infamous gas leak.

"because these two coworkers still haven't fucked and i still want to explode them, honestly," trevor breathed out, seemingly annoyed at the two coworkers in question.

ian giggled behind the podium, a strangely worrisome sound, and you and shayne glanced at each other in shared horror. "trevor,” ian paused, multiplying the level of suspense you were already feeling. “for an extra fifty points, do you want to tell us who the coworkers are? we'll bleep it."

"fifty points?!" shayne yelled, playfully incensed by this rule breaking.

"just take me out back like ol yeller, i beg." you set you head on the podium, which wasn't exactly a comfortable angle, but this wasn't going to be as fun as you thought if ian was going to play dirty the whole game.

the room erupted in laughter as trevor pondered his choice. "no, i won't. i don't want to start anything, fifty points is nothin' compared to my pals at smosh!"

you all booed him, lovingly, and ian giggled again. "shayne, for an extra fifty points, can you guess the coworkers trevor's tweet is about?"

"do you know who it's about?" shayne asked, confused.

"oh, i think everyone in this room does," ian's grin was devilish, relishing in the chaos he was causing. he's been watching too much game changer.

"okay, i'll guess for fifty points. is it angela and amanda?" the room erupted once more, angela's laugh heard loud and clear on every mic.

"incorrect! okay, let's see your post, shayne!"

"wait, i don't get to guess?" you cut in, feeling a little bit excluded from the joke.

"would you like to?" ian asked, earnest, though that devilish smile was still fixed to his mug.

you thought about it for a second. "actually, i'm good. i think my choices are too controversial. y'all aren't ready for my vision."

everyone laughed, and the game moved on.

"shayne. your tweet says: '[blank] is overrated. [blank] is cooler.'"

shayne's silence dragged on, and ian asked if he had a guess. after a beat, shayne stood stock straight up, ready to answer.

"steve, my answer is. 'steak is overrated. chicken is cooler.' for five points."

"let's see..."

ian revealed the next slide, and a slide whistle sound effect played. “oh, that’s too bad shayne. the correct answer was ‘penis is overrated. dick is cooler.’ so close, so close. alright, y/n, it’s your turn!”

you were feeling a little better now that shayne had gotten his wrong. maybe trevor would win, but it didn’t have to be a huge blowout, right?

“y/n, your tweet says ‘i need [blank] to [blank blank] or i will [blank] in [blank blank].’ this seems evil, y/n, if i’m being honest.” ian’s wicked smirk was still firmly planted; he was playing dirtier than you ever thought him capable of.

“what’s genuinely crazy is i’ve been so worried that i would not remember anything i’ve ever tweeted, but i actually do remember this one!” you laughed hard and loud, but then you remembered you did in fact have to tell everyone what it said. you could lie, but they’d just reveal it after anyway, and you had made a big stink about knowing it now… all you could do was fill in the damn blanks. “okay, it says ‘i need noomf–”

“you need what?” shayne asked, incredulous.

“noomf, it means ‘not one of my followers’ instead of oomf, which is ‘one of my followers’. anyway, ‘i need noomf to fuck off or i will piss in his kickstart’.” you covered your face with your hands, genuinely embarrassed. this would all be a good laugh after shooting wrapped, but in the moment you just wanted to scream a bit.

ian decided to go full little shit mode and not even make a comment, just click to the next slide showing that you were correct. every word. “five points for y/n!”

“oh, fuck, i forgot i was getting points for that. i’ll stop moping now!” you laughed, pushing yourself back into your camera persona, bright and light and happy. you could feel spencer’s daggers in the back of your skull all the same.

✰ .ᐟ

everyone broke for lunch after the finishing the shoot, and angela and courtney were the first to harass you.

“bro, you tweeted that you would piss in his kickstart?” courtney started.

“you guys don’t follow each other on socials?” angela then asked.

court took another turn next, “do you guys not talk outside of work at all?”

“no! they only talk about work so they always talk through slack!” angela was kind enough to explain your point from lunch the other day.

you stood there, tapping your foot. a bit comical, but a flair for the dramatic never hurt anybody, especially not in this industry. “are we done here? can i go get my food now?” you asked, no venom. “here, let’s just eat together and you can ask all your silly little questions. can’t promise i’ll have an answer for everything, but i’ll do what i can.”

you all lined up at the catering tables and grabbed some food, then found your way to an empty table to start this awful discussion.

you decided some rules needed to be put in place, because as much as you loved angela and courtney, you really didn’t want this to blow up into some ‘big thing’. coworker feuds happen in every office setting, it’s inevitable. it doesn’t need to be a whole situation, in your opinion.

“okay, before we start i’m going to lay some ground rules. you can ask whatever questions you want, but i’m allowed to not answer certain ones. whatever is said at this table, remains at this table, forever. and finally, i beg y’all to speak at a normal volume and not freak out for no reason. i do not need the whole company knowing my business. i’m sure you understand.”

they both nodded, and you decided to get courtney up to speed in case they had a question angela had asked you at lunch the other day, which was likely. now that you thought about it, angela was the only person you had really talked about it with. no one else you worked with seemed to mind, or care, so you didn’t think you’d ever need to answer any questions about it.

“court, before we start, angela actually ambushed me about this the other day so i do already have a few frequently asked questions answered. no, it isn’t a bit. we don’t have any friendship at all. we do not speak outside of work. i’ve never seen him outside of work. we do not have each other’s numbers. we do not follow each other on social media. we aren’t secretly dating. yes, we do hate each other, and, yes, it’s mutual. but… no, i don’t have a reason why.” you were fairly out of breath by the end of your rant, and courtney gave you a moment to catch back up.

“you don’t have a reason why? how can you both hate each other for no reason?” their voice was soft, caring. it burned.

a sigh escaped you. “as far as i know, neither me nor spencer have a ‘reason’ for hating each other. but it’s just a truth at this point. we hate each other, so we don’t interact outside of work. we play nice for the camera, but only because it wouldn’t really be entertaining if we didn’t. some truths are just truths. the sky is blue, the grass is green, and me and spencer hate each other.” you took a few bites of the salad you grabbed from the line, surprised at how good the dressing was. “holy shit, this dressing is fantastic,” you mumbled, hoping, in vain, to prompt a conversation change.

“like i said, i thought the bickering you guys did on camera was an inside joke. i didn’t know there was real anger behind it,” angela said, seeming a bit sad at this revelation.

you realized once again that you hadn’t actually had an honest conversation about this with anyone. you had never taken the time to flesh out this charade you were playing. “i’m not even sure the anger is real.” you said solemnly, quiet as a mouse. “i think it started as a bit. i’m not sure when it turned real, but it is. i guess.”

angela put her arm around you, sensing your mood drop. “hey, hey. it’s alright. you going to be okay, babe?”

courtney put their hand on yours, which you held. you felt like you were naked on a stage – feeling too vulnerable all too suddenly. after a second longer, you pulled yourself away from both of them. “i’m okay, it’s okay. can we change the topic, though? i… guess i’m not ready to talk about it, or something.”

you zoned out for the rest of the conversation.

✰ .ᐟ

when the day had finally ended, you felt the most immense relief you’ve felt in all your damn life.

finally. time to go home and dick around on your guitar. today provided a lot of feelings for a hopeful writing session.

everyone at smosh knew you played guitar, but no one knew you wrote original music too. it was the easiest way to process what you were feeling. and if it sounded bad, then it sounded bad. at least you felt better afterwards. you never recorded anything you wrote, because it was a form of therapy for you. you let it all out, you cry, you scream, whatever. then you worked on healing. this was your process, and you loved it.

you were planning out some verses mentally when shayne caught up to you on the way to your car. “hey, y/n! i have a strange question.”

you turned, surprised by his appearance. “sure, shayne. what’s up?”

“are you seeing anyone right now?”

“why, are you and courtney looking for a third?” you raised an eyebrow, which had shayne giggling. you continued, “no, i’m single. why?”

“no reason!” shayne yelled, and promptly sprinted away.

“okay, see you tomorrow, i guess!” you shouted after him, knowing he probably couldn’t hear you. for such a small man he had a seemingly large stride. he was already halfway across the parking lot when you finished your sentence. “what the hell is this job, anyway?” you muttered, trying to find the melody you had thought of earlier in the day as you drove home in blissful silence.

✰ .ᐟ

alex: yoooo

spencer: what’s up?

alex: kiana’s friend is so your type it’s criminal

spencer: ok?

alex: i’m serious dude she’s like your dream girl!!

spencer: ok?

alex: hi spencer this is your best friend kiana, you have a date with my friend tomorrow at 7pm at our fav chili’s, ok love you!

spencer: i’d rather not

alex: she said shut up and be there or she’s dumping your kickstart stash

spencer: you are both evil.

alex: <3

✰ .ᐟ

you slept like shit last night. again. the past few nights were just not kind to you, and you could tell it was obvious.

“whoa, y/n… do you need to borrow some concealer?” courtney asked upon seeing you in the kitchen this morning. “i’m sure someone has a shade match in the building.”

“gee, thanks, court.” you laughed weakly to yourself, knowing she had nothing but good intentions. “i’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, not sure what’s going on.” you turned around and sighed into your coffee mug, exhausted. “maybe my body is trying to tell me something.”

courtney smiled, then came to lean against the counter next to you.

“you’re single, right?” they questioned, eyes bright.

you sighed again. “yes, just like i told your husband yesterday, i am single.”

“do you have plans tonight?”

“other than sitting on my couch with my guitar, probably not. perhaps i’ll watch a movie. who’s to say? the world is my oyster.”

they rolled their eyes at you, but leaned in closer to whisper. “our favorite chili’s, tonight, 7pm. you’re going on a blind date with someone i know very personally, who is perfect for you.”

she was out of the kitchen before you could pick your jaw up off the floor to protest.

✰ .ᐟ

you stood in your bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. what the hell was going on. courtney had sent you a text fifteen minutes ago, a reminder of why you were standing in your bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. you had a blind date at chili’s in 45 minutes. what the hell was going on.

if you were in an alternate universe, perhaps all the dots you were connecting in your brain would turn out to be correct. you felt like that bit in buzzfeed unsolved.

i’ve connected the dots.

you haven’t connected shit!

in an alternate universe, your friends beating the truth out of you about your feud with spencer, then turning around and orchestrating a blind date for you would mean something. and it would mean they were setting you up with spencer. just for a moment, just a sliver of a second, you imagined that universe.

you imagine it all working out.

but then you pull yourself out of it, and start actually getting ready for your date.

he was probably just another improv actor with a nose ring. and he was probably nice. cute, even. but you couldn’t stop thinking about brown curly hair, piercing eyes, a hydroflask full of kickstart.

a green smosh hat. a carhartt jacket. stubble. glasses. you loved his glasses, and secretly cursed him when he would wear his contacts. spencer.

your phone vibrated against the counter, painfully reuniting you with reality. “shit.”

you fumbled to answer the call, still feeling lost in the syrupy haze of that alternate universe of yours. “hey, court.”

“are you on your way? find my friends says you’re still at your place!” they rushed out, and you pulled your phone away from your face to see you had less than 15 minutes to be ready and out the door.

“shit! sorry, i didn’t realize how late it got. i’m finishing up now, i’ll be on my way before you know it.” the silence on the other end was deafening. “i promise! but i have to get off the phone to get ready, okay?”

“fine. please send me a photo of your outfit before you leave. i love you! bye!” courtney ended the call, and you sighed.

“let’s get this over with.” you mumbled to your empty bathroom.

✰ .ᐟ

spencer was pissed. if his friends didn’t suddenly decide to meddle in his love life, he wouldn’t be on a random side street, a mere three miles from chili’s, replacing his flat fire. at 7:08 pm. he didn’t even want to go on this date, but he also didn’t want to be a dick and show up late. alex and kiana didn’t share any info about this mystery girl so he couldn’t text her to let her know. he decided to call alex as he was getting ready to hoist the spare tire out of his trunk.

“aren’t you on a date right now?!” alex shouted down the phone, no greeting. spencer rolled his eyes.

“chill, i got a flat tire. i’m down the road, like eight minutes max if traffic is kind to me. can you please let my date know i’m not standing her up, i just have to throw the donut on my car really quick.” he was fiddling with the tire iron while he spoke, suddenly nervous and upset at the prospect of hurting this mystery girl’s feelings. he shoved the emotion down and nestled the phone between his ear and shoulder, a smidge tighter than before. “please just let her know.”

“okay, okay.” alex took a breath in, and spencer could tell they’re relieved that the date isn’t a disaster, but only getting there kind of is. “i’ll let her know.”

they said goodbye, and spencer got back to work on the tire.

elsewhere, alex texted courtney.

alex: hey spencer got a flat tire. should be there in like 10-15

courtney: ok i’ll let y/n know!

alex: he called me and i nearly shat my pants

courtney: understandable lol if she called me 10 mins in i’d also be panicking

alex then texted kiana.

alex: spencer is late bc he got a flat tire i’m gonna bomb him

kiana: now, now!! it will work out in the end, grasshopper

alex: dont be weird

kiana: says u

✰ .ᐟ

you looked at your phone again. 7:20. you were on your second glass of water, munching on your chips and salsa and sighing. people were starting to stare at you. look at that poor girl, sipping her water, waiting for someone who isn’t showing up. surely she knows, they thought, surely she knows he’s isn’t coming.

unfortunately, you were still holding out hope. for some reason. you didn’t even want this, your friends just dropped it on you. but now that you were here, you felt hopeful.

most people who know you wouldn’t exactly call you a romantic, but somewhere buried deep inside you, you longed for companionship. everyone did, to some degree – it was human nature. so you decided that at 7:30, you’d leave.

even if tearing yourself from the booth would burn like wildfire.

you looked at your phone once more. 7:22. you’d been brooding in silence, alone at this table, and alone in this world. a vibration startled you out of it.

courtney: hey he’s almost there!!! he got a flat tire he should be there in about five mins, ok?? i’m so sorry and so is he!!

your heart rate picked up, that hope reigniting and spreading a warm fire throughout your body. you weren’t being stood up. good.

y/n: ok! thank you for updating me <3

courtney: of course bb i love you sm! have fun! text me all the deets!

as you smiled and steadied your fingers to type a reply, an all too familiar voice rang out. “are you being stood up at chili’s?” it asks.

you involuntarily rolled your eyes, all too easily sliding into this role you play. no one could say you weren’t a good actor. because here you were, slipping under that mask that fit so comfortably. playing a character. because an hour ago, you were hoping it would be him. you wanted it to be him. but now, he was here. which meant you had a role to play, and you would play it well. you’d give him an oscar award-winning performance.

“please explain how my activities outside of the office are any of your business, spencer.” you deadpanned. it didn’t hit like you wanted it to. “he’s late.”

“scoot. i’m hungry.” he says, and you stare at him.

“i’m sorry?” you admonished.

“scootch over. have you ordered yet?” he asks, casual as all get out. like this was normal, or reasonable.

you both know your roles. you know your lines. you’ve been off-book for years. what was he doing? he was going so far off script, ad-libbing, completely disregarding the words written for you, the ones you’d both studied and memorized. you were an improv comedian, and yes and-ing was never something you struggled with. but this wasn’t supposed to be improv. this was scripted. heavily. this was not reality tv, this was not whose line, this was a 40-minute sitcom with strict character archetypes, and you both knew your roles.

while you waited in vain for the non-existent director to yell ‘cut!’, you found yourself moving over and letting him slide into the booth. it didn’t occur to you to just tell him to sit on the opposite side, which was empty.

despite the warmth of the evening and the restaurant, you felt a shiver up and down your spine.

your server, carissa, came back to the table, and she looked relieved that your ‘date’ had finally arrived. she was probably about 20 years old, and her whole vibe said, “if he doesn’t show up, i’ll kill him for you.”

“took you long enough, dude,” was her greeting of choice. spencer looked surprised, which caused a laugh to escape you. “what would you like to drink?”

spencer seemed a bit lost for words, but managed to say “just a water, please,” after a not-entirely inaudible swallow.

carissa turned her attention back to you, “did you want to order now? or does mister late as fuck need some more time?” she gestured at spencer with her pen, her voice full of humor. it was entirely opposite of the darker voice she used on spencer.

you loved this girl. “easy on him, carissa. i’m sure he has a good reason.”

spencer looked at you, and you realized you probably should have specified that he actually wasn’t the person you were waiting on. your mind drifts back to that slice of an alternate universe, the one you wanted to slot yourself into for longer than just a fleeting moment. your heart quickened its pace once more, and you silently willed it to calm down.

he doesn’t like you, you thought, solemnly. he likes chili’s. he’s probably here to meet kiana or something. the thought of kiana joining you at dinner was a happy one, usually. you loved her. she was bright and bubbly and she was incredibly smart. you loved listening to her talk. but right now, it almost felt like that little alternate universe and the universe you’re currently stuck in were overlapping for a moment. you wanted to keep this feeling. hold it close.

you zoned back in when spencer started talking, both of you unsure how long you had been looking at each other for. it might have been the first time you both really looked at each other. the glancing and the glaring around the office was short lived. never more than a few seconds. this look felt like it stretched on for years, unending. this wasn’t just the first time you both looked at each other, it might also be the first time you really saw each other.

and, if you were just a bit more unhinged, you’d have said that it felt like home.

“i had a flat tire. i was right down the road but i had to put the spare on, so i’m much later than i wanted to be. i try to be early to dates, but it seems like the world was betting against me tonight.” spencer looked at his lap, sheepish, all of the sudden. it was cute. a soft expression you had no clue he was even capable of. it suited him, emotion. or, emotions other than anger.

“see? that’s a perfectly reasonable excuse,” you replied, which prompted a gasp from spencer.

you find the roles shifting, no longer are you and spencer coworkers trapped in an office, glaring at each other and attempting niceties on camera. now, you were stepping into the roles of love interests in a rom-com with 80s flair. the quiet, misunderstood girl, and the edgy yet likeable boy. fake dating for some reason or another, only to fall in love for real in the end. the it was always you trope.

you could play this character just as easily as you could play the hateful coworker. maybe this role would win you a sag award. you set it next to your academy award on your imaginary awards shelf.

“it’s not an excuse! it’s a reason. an explanation, if you will.” spencer said, faux-horror in his voice.

“and i will.” you shot back, playing into it. you could fit so comfortably here.

carissa faked a yawn, and you ask her for a triple dipper – mozzarella sticks, big mouth bites, and chicken tenders. spencer had no comment on this, which made you quite happy, oddly enough.

once carissa had walked away, spencer turned his body to face you a little more, and you felt closed in in the best way possible. he was suffocating you with his presence, but it felt good. safe, even.

you settled into the booth, a little taken aback by his sudden attention. honestly, you paid more attention to him around the office than you would ever admit to anyone. you both had desks in the same pod so you were in proximity at all times, and you looked. a lot. and maybe you pined. maybe… just maybe, you had been pining this whole time.

“what’s goin’ on up there?” spencer asked, nodding toward you.

“i don’t know,” you replied. it was the truth. you weren’t sure what was going on in your brain, just that you had no urge to stop it. more like an urge to give in.

carissa reappeared with a glass of ice water for spencer. he whispered a soft “thank you” in her direction, but his eyes never left yours. she walked away without a response.

“y’know, i was actually supposed to meet someone here tonight. i should probably tell alex what’s going on.”

your ears perked up at the mention of alex. “why would you tell alex?”

“they’re my best friend?” spencer said, eyes now on his phone. “also, it was a blind date. i don’t have her number,” he explained, frowning. “or her name.” his thumbs were flying across the keyboard, and you watched in silence. you were suddenly enraptured by his hands.

then, it clicked. “oh my fucking god!” you groaned, which caused spencer to turn his focus back on you.

“what? what’s wrong?” there was genuine concern in his voice, something you had never heard from him. it stoked the fire inside you, pulling it back up to a dangerous roar. this chili’s would erupt in flames if this continued on for much longer.

in lieu of a response, you simply grabbed your phone off the table, calling courtney and putting the call on speaker.

“hey! how’s it going?” courtney asked, speech stilted with nerves.

“what’s my blind date’s name, courtney?”

you heard spencer mutter something under his breath.

“you’ll know him when you see him! like i said, he had a flat tire. wait, it’s been, like, forty minutes, why isn’t he there yet?” their sentence got quieter as they moved through it, processing in real time.

spencer leaned in, clearly only getting closer to the mic so courtney could hear him, but you’d like to think he wanted to be closer to you, too.

“i’m here, courtney.” was all he said.

“neither of you sound happy…” they moped.

you rolled your eyes affectionately. they meant well, and you said as much. “i know you meant well, honey, but me and spencer have absolutely no chemistry.” there it was again. you switched back to your original role, the one you had spent far too much time in, the one that was closer to home. “this wasn’t a good idea and i think you know that.”

you dared to peek at spencer, who was looking right at you, forlorn. “yeah, court. i appreciate the team effort, but unfortunately me and y/n are just not compatible.” his voice was tight. angry. and just like that, spencer was also back in his original role. perhaps it felt like home to him too, and he also didn’t care for change. some things are just true. the sky is blue, the grass is green, and you and spencer agnew hate each other.

for once, you found yourself wishing it wasn't true.

✰ .ᐟ

once you and courtney hung up, you asked carissa for the triple dipper to be to-go, and you and spencer went your separate ways. the whole drive home, the car was silent and so was your brain. normally you’d be crafting melodies and writing bridges, ever the artist. but tonight your brain was turned off. you had to keep it that way, purposefully silencing the thoughts that threatened to burst through. you couldn’t think about the looks spencer gave you. you couldn’t think about the smell of his cologne when he leaned close to talk to courtney. you couldn’t think about the way he apologized.

i’m sorry about this, y/n. i know that we don’t like each other but i wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

this?

the whole, blind-date-with-my-enemy thing.

spencer, why are we enemies?

i don’t know, y/n. but i think we both know it needs to stay that way.

it seemed like he had been mentally policing his word choice. careful, stoic. there was emotion in his voice, but not in his face. his jaw was tight. spencer felt bad. despite it all, he didn’t want to hurt you. this was a rejection, plain and simple, but he was being merciful. though, it also felt forced. like this isn’t what he really wants, but it’s how things have to be. a law of the universe, at this point. an intrinsic truth. we can’t be anything other than coworkers and enemies. anything else would be disastrous.

you felt silly, catastrophizing like this.

as you turned your key in the lock of your front door, your guitar called to you from the corner of the living room.

let it out, it seemed to say, feel your feelings, so you can move on.

and so you did. you changed into some sweatpants and an old crewneck, sat yourself on the floor of your apartment, and got to writing.

perhaps you would one day add a grammy to your little imaginary awards shelf. an academy award for your coworker enemy character, the breakout role. the sag award for your little lovesick puppy character you got to play tonight, at chili’s. and a grammy. for you. no character, no facade, just you.

but you’d have to record yourself to achieve that. and now wasn't the time for bravery, now was the time for processing and moving on.

✰ .ᐟ

the next morning, you woke up to a small barrage of messages. mostly courtney apologizing. an apology from shayne as well. a text from ang asking if you were okay. alex, kiana, and amanda also messaged you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to keep scrolling. until your eyes caught on something new. an unsaved number, who had texted you a mere minute before you woke up.

unsaved: hey. sorry again about last night.

your heart leapt into your throat, and that fire under your skin was back. you put your phone face down on your nightstand and promptly took a shower.

upon your arrival at work, you were reminded of how fucking gossipy this damn office was. people were throwing you apologetic looks all day, clearly informed on the situation. thirty minutes before your first shoot, ian pulled you to the side.

“hey, y/n. um, is there anything you wanted to talk about? or let me know about?” ian asked, clearly uncomfortable.

you looked at him in confusion, head tilted to the side. “i… don’t think so?” you said it like a question, because it kind of was one. surely one blind date arranged by other coworkers that didn’t even result in a relationship wasn’t cause for concern, right?

“okay, i’ll just ask then. are you and spencer in a relationship? it’s okay, if so, but there’s a lot of paper–”

you cut him off, astounded he even thought to ask such an insane question. “whoa, whoa, whoa. me and spencer are not dating. why on earth gave you that idea?”

ian blushed, and it was quite cute. he clearly felt a little out of his depth, which is silly considering the amount of coworker relationships at smosh. he’s done this at least three times, you think he’d be better at it.

“well i've heard whisperings around the office that you two went on a date last night,” he said.

“and you thought that a date between us would end well?” you asked, a bit astounded. “i'm not even sure why court and them even set it up, it's fairly well known that we don't like each other in the slightest.” internally, you were thinking about the low tone spencer had when he was next to you. boxing you in, commanding your attention. maybe you had been pining this whole time. but that was not anyone else’s business, so you would continue to keep those feelings behind a quadruple-padlocked door, far in the back corner of your brain.

“y/n, can i talk to you as a friend and not as a boss or coworker?” ian dropped his voice, a soft smile on his face.

“of course, ian.”

“i think you know damn well that you and spencer are made for each other.”

“i–”

he cuts you off. “you might have everyone else fooled, and you might even have yourself fooled. but to a degree, i think there’s a part of you that wants that. and it’s okay to want that. to want spencer. it’s okay to want. but if you ask me–”

“i didn’t–”

“but if you ask me,” he bulldozes, committing to saying his piece. “i think it’s also okay to have. it’s right in front of you for the taking, and as much as you can deny it, i think you also know that.”

you were quietly stunned by this emotional, introspective, hopeless romantic version of ian. “i know i can want, ian. i know more than well enough what wanting feels like.” a sigh escapes you, suddenly exhausted. “but i can’t have. not this time, not this one. i can have something else, later down the road. but i can’t have this. i’m not allowed to have this.”

“why not?”

you stayed silent. you hadn’t thought about the why not of it all. it was another one of those things. spencer was an enemy. spencer was off limits. he was forbidden. prohibited. a thing you could want, but never, ever have.

“i just can’t, ian.” you sighed, resigned. you were getting tired of fighting this battle, but it wasn’t like you had a choice.

“okay, y/n.” his voice is soft, and he puts a hand on your shoulder. “well, when you can, i’m sure he’ll be waiting for you.”

“i’d never ask that of him.”

“you don’t have to.” ian wrapped you in a hug, and then walked back to whichever office he came from, leaving you in a pile of emotions at the end of the hall.

“what the fuck is happening,” you whispered to yourself. the world was turning upside down, and you were starting to get quite motion sick.

you sat down on a nearby sofa, checking the time. you had to get your mic pack set up in about five minutes, so you tried to use that time to regulate your breathing. in, two, three, four. out, two, three, four. you knew you were shooting a pit video, but you couldn’t remember what it was or who was going to be in it with you. was it a reddit stories today? no, that was thursday…

“y/n?” erin dougal called. your head snapped up, your thoughts finally simmering to a normal volume. a distraction was welcome, and erin was always up to something.

“yeah, what’s up?” you replied, hoping for some sort of insane tiktok pitch that tommy dreamt up, or some gossip about the caterer she had a thing for.

“ready for the shoot?” right, your job. guess those five minutes passed faster than you thought. at least you had calmed down substantially.

“oh. yeah, sorry. what are we shooting again?” you hoped she wouldn't rag on you too much for forgetting your shoot schedule. surely she was aware of your current goings-on.

she gaped at you in response. “seriously? we've only been gearing up for this shoot for, like, two months.”

fuck. today was courtney’s hide and seek shoot. fuck. you had been so wrapped up in the bullshit of this week you had forgotten to even plan a place to hide.

“oh! right, sorry. not sure how i forgot that.” you stood up, trying to collect yourself, embarrassed.

you followed erin into the small parking lot right outside the office, where everyone was waiting to be let inside. she debriefed you on the general rules, which have been the same since the first hide and seek video. you nodded along, and tried to figure out where the hell you were going to hide.

before you knew it, everyone was rushing inside. you decided to go up into the weird little attic space duran usually hides in, knowing he wasn't set to be in the video. it was a guaranteed easy find, and you didn't really want to be alone with your thoughts for very long. you had a history of being found extremely early on, and you weren’t planning to break that streak. especially not when you had so many other things to deal with right now.

but the universe was never on your side. you climbed up the slightly unstable ladder, using your phone’s flashlight to look for a spot, when you saw him. spencer was already up here, because of course he was.

“no.” was all he said.

“c’mon, this week has been shitty enough. i don't have any other ideas.” you whispered, knowing there wasn't much time left. “i can't find another spot, there's only, like, 20 seconds left.”

“no, y/n.” he was firm in his answer, but you were just as stubborn.

you gathered a bit of courage, and made your way over to him, ducking in the tight space. you sat down right next to him, a fraction of a fraction of a centimeter between you. “yes.”

he rolled his eyes and rested his head on the painted cinder block wall behind him, lids fluttered closed, too tired to fight. you understood that feeling all too well. “fine.”

✰ .ᐟ

turns out, courtney miller is exceptionally terrible at hide and seek. you’d both been waiting in silence to be found for over thirty minutes. if you had known how long you’d have to sit in such close proximity to spencer, you’d have made several different choices. starting with calling out of work today.

“jesus, court.” you whispered. then, turning to spencer, you spoke just a tad louder. “we’re supposed be recording confessionals, you know.”

“i'm aware,” spencer said. no malice in his voice, though you could tell he tried. his mask was slipping.

you pulled out your phone and clipped your little selfie light onto it. “hey guys, y/n and spencer here. it’s been over thirty minutes at this point, and i don't think courtney’s even entered the kitchen, let alone this fuckass room.”

“fuckass is crazy,” spencer says, in that giggly, drawn out way he always does. you always liked when he did that. it made your stomach do somersaults, for a reason you could never pinpoint.

“are we allowed to hide together? i know lisa and jeremy technically did in shayne’s hide and seek video.” you ask, purely for the content of it all. you couldn’t care less about any of the rules right now. you were next to spencer, and it felt right. fuck the rules.

“i'm not sur–” a noise erupted from the kitchen, and spencer paused. “they’re hereeee,” he singsonged. he was disgustingly cute.

“gotta go!” you said, quickly ending the recording and putting your phone away.

spencer looked at you, and you looked at him. faces mere inches apart. you both heard the door to the kitchen closing, signifying courtney’s exit. you were both safe, for now. no need to stay quiet. but neither of you spoke.

the silence carried on, seconds to minutes. you started to really look at spencer, dissecting his beauty.

the shine in his eyes, even in this dim, unflattering light. the ghost of a smile on his face. he's the first to turn away.

“y/n,” spencer near begged. “please.”

“what?” you asked, genuine.

he looked back at you. then he leaned in, so close you could feel his breath when he spoke again. “you're killing me, y/n. you know what you're doing.”

you angled your face, just so, closer than you've been to anyone in a long time. closer than you've ever been to spencer agnew. “oh? what am i doing, spencer?” you batted your eyelashes at him.

he inched closer, prompting your noses to touch. it sent a shooting pulse of sparks through your blood. “tell me to stop, y/n.” he whispered, borderline tremulous.

“why?” you didn’t retreat, and you certainly didn’t oblige him.

“please, tell me to stop.” he was still staring into you, through your eyes and deep into that corner of your mind. the quadruple-padlocked door. he held every key, and you could see it all play out: him unlocking every single one with ease. blatant disregard for the consequences of his reckless actions.

you let him. no, you encouraged him. “why can't you stop yourself, spencer?”

you knew full well courtney could burst in at any moment. you're acutely aware that you're both at work right now, in the middle of a shoot. you couldn’t seem to find the strength to give a fuck.

“because you're in charge, y/n. you always have been. i’ve been following your lead since day one. so tell me to stop.”

you moved your eyes to his lips, finally tearing away from that gaze. “go,” you whispered.

that was all he needed to crash his lips into yours.

it’s not a great kiss. it never is when you're both this pent up. it's either too aggressive or too soft, never exactly what you're expecting, or wanting. but it enveloped you in that now familiar fire, and you didn’t even care. this could be the worst kiss of your life and you would still think of it fondly years down the line. because it's spencer. and you wanted spencer. and he, seemingly, wanted you too. so you want. and you have. just for a moment.

your brain finally rebooted and you immediately started kissing back, forceful. spencer’s hands found your body, and they wandered. he set them on your hips, then moved one to your neck. then one in your hair and the other on your face. you only pulled back from lack of oxygen. out of pure necessity.

as you both sat there, foreheads pressed against each other, chests heaving, you started to think about what you've done. he didn't just unlock that door, he blew it off the hinges. you weren’t sure you could ever deny yourself the feeling of kissing spencer agnew. not anymore, not now. you've become addicted on the very first hit, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

a loud bang on the opposite side of the wall had both of you separating. only an inch or so between the two of you, knowing you're about to be caught. you willed your heart rate down. trying to breathe slow, deep breaths. “time to be found i guess,” you whispered.

spencer’s head finds its place on the back wall again. he seemed defeated. tired. but happy. “yeah.”

✰ .ᐟ

two months passed and neither you nor spencer spoke about what happened during courtney’s hide and seek shoot. there's still animosity all around, and you expect that your oscar will be stripped away due to your performance. it’s exhausting, keeping this fucking thing going. you had the one thing you always denied yourself, for just a moment, and that’s all you’ll ever have. you’re well aware of this, and were doing what you could to fully come to terms with it.

but spencer. he seemed so unbothered. like it was nothing to him, like you were nothing to him, like this was all just an elaborate prank. cut the fucking cameras.

tell me to stop, y/n. please.

christ. your alarm had been turned off five minutes ago, but you remained in bed, under the covers. showing up at work was never a thing you dreaded. you fucking loved your job. and all your coworkers, who were now your friends and your family. you even loved the fans, deranged as they are.

but these days, it was weighing on you. getting up, going in and pretending you don’t know the taste and rhythm of spencer agnew’s sinful fucking mouth. it was hell. you wanted more, and he wanted nothing to do with you. and maybe you should have expected that. maybe this was all on you, for getting your hopes up for even a moment.

you’re in charge, y/n. you always have been.

you pulled yourself out of bed and into the shower. you turned the water as hot as it could go, grateful to experience a different kind of pain for even a few minutes.

i’ve been following your lead since day one. so tell me to stop.

once your skin had been sufficiently burned, and your actual shower duties were complete, you decided to dress a little nicer today. even though you knew the only plan you had was answering emails, editing scripts, and some social media stuff.

the shower really helped. the day seemed different, brighter. you felt a little less trepidation about work. you weren’t sure what magic was doled out by your rinky dink shower head, but you were thankful for it all the same.

✰ .ᐟ

pretty much every cast member greeted you at the door. suddenly, that trepidation was back. “what’s going on?”

“did you not check your phone?” shayne asked, a laugh tumbling out of him.

you thought about it. you hadn’t, actually. you turned your alarm off, showered in silence for the first time in a long time, then drove to work in silence as well. “i guess not. why? is everything okay?”

angela let out a gleeful scream. “you and spencer have the fandom in a tizzy!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands with joy.

your brain went all fuzzy. “me and… spencer?” your mind drifted back to the kiss, and you felt the heat rising on your face. that was embarrassing. everyone was here, and they were all looking at you, and you knew that your blush was violently visible.

“from the hide and seek video!” chanse added, as though there were any other point of reference.

you started to get a bit light-headed, and you sat down. “i’m confused.”

“why?” courtney asks, coming to sit next to you. it seemed everyone could sense your discomfort, so they dissipated, leaving courtney to work their magic.

“why would anyone care about me and spencer?” you asked. in your defense, you hadn’t watched the video. you couldn’t. you didn’t even watch back the single confessional you recorded, just sent it over to andre. you didn’t delete it though. it sat in your camera roll, heavy on your mind, and taunting you every time you opened your photos app.

they laughed, a soft sound, reassuring. “babe, i need you to watch the video.”

you groaned in response, feeling like a petulant child. like you were going to stomp your feet and cry if you didn’t get your way. “i don’t want to, courtney. i don’t need to see how fucking red was my face was. i don’t need to see how pathetic i look.”

you hadn’t told a single soul what happened in that little attic crawl space. you didn’t want to – it was a blissful secret. it was easier to hold it in, the truth that you kissed him and it felt like flying and dying and living and breathing and everything all at the same exact time. because if you ever admitted that out loud, you think you’d pass away from the sheer amount of love in your voice when you say it. he was turning you into a hopeless romantic, and you’d barely said seven words to the man since he completely ruined your life.

because that’s what he had done, wasn’t it? you were ruined for anyone else. how could you move on, how could you kiss someone else when spencer agnew made alpha centauri appear behind your eyes. a star system, exploding to life. and you knew, somewhere inside, that that was the only time in your life you’d ever be able to feel something like that. you weren’t even sure you’d want to feel it again. it’s been nothing short of agonizing.

“y/n, can i ask you something?” they questioned, ever patient.

“yes.”

“why do you keep denying yourself good things?” her hand was on your thigh, a soft comfort to offset the sting of her question. “please, i'll show you the clip right here, and i’ll be next to you the whole time. if you want me to turn it off, i will. but will you try for me? please?”

you had never struggled with watching the videos you were in. granted, you usually could just focus on someone else in the shot. this was just you, and spencer. courtney would be there in the background, maybe brennan. but mostly it was you and spencer. and if you didn’t look at yourself, you’d look at him. you weren’t sure which was worse, but you agreed.

“rip the fucking band-aid off already, i beg of you.”

she let out a small squeal of excitement, opening her phone. you were only mildly surprised to see the clip was already pulled up.

courtney pressed play on the video, and they handed you the phone. you watched, captivated. you decided to look at yourself. your blush was evident, and once you noticed that, you couldn’t bear to look any longer, so you looked at spencer. he was staring at you, while you stared ahead, giggling at whatever courtney said. his eyes were fixed on your profile, a smile bursting at the seams of his mouth, threatening a chelsea grin. he was smiling. he begged you to stop him, to stop this. spencer begged you not to feed the fire, but you had thrown gasoline right into it.

the thought… excited you.

“oh, hey,” courtney chirped happily, causing you to tear your eyes away from the screen of her phone. she paused the video and slipped her phone back into her pocket. “i’ll leave you to it,” they stood from their chair, pushing it in and giving you a look of hopefulness. you smiled back, halfheartedly.

“hi, spencer.” you murmured, finally meeting his eyes.

“hi, y/n.” he parroted, walking slowly toward you. he seemed hesitant, but… hopeful? maybe you felt the same way. “can i talk to you for a moment?” he gestured to the recently vacated chair on your left, and you nodded. you couldn’t trust yourself to talk at the moment.

he sat down next to you, entirely too casual. he’s slouched in the chair, hands in the pockets of his jacket. “seems like we did a number on a few people, huh?” he started. still too casual. you braced yourself for impact: we still can’t do this, though. we’re not friends. let alone lovers.

what he actually said, though, hit you harder than 400 asteroids. “you certainly did a fucking number on me.”

“uh, what?” is all you could muster, confused, adrenaline pumping through your veins.

he sat back up, then leaned into your space. again. he likes to do that. normally, you’d feel too caged, too claustrophobic. but for some reason, it felt like a blessing. a near-familiar comfort in this whirlwind you were caught up in. “y/n, do you remember our first date?”

your defense mechanism, sarcasm, clicked on in your brain. “if you call that a date, i’m embarrassed for you, spencer.”

“so you do remember it.”

“yes, spencer. i remember when you accosted me at chili’s.”

he laughed, and you know that it’s such a beautiful sound, but it still hurt. “and do you remember what i told you at the end of the night?”

“you said you didn’t know why we were enemies, but that we both knew it needed to stay that way.”

“exactly. y/n, do you know why i refuse to sit next to you in videos? or why i very frequently cut you off when you’re talking? or why we’ve never been the guests on reddit stories together?”

“no,” you breathe out, honest. “no, i don’t know why.”

“it’s because of what happened in that godforsaken hide and seek video. because i knew, given the proximity, i’d do that. i’d stare at you, zoned out of whatever conversation was happening around me. smiling like a fucking idiot.”

you didn’t speak, feeling overwhelmed at his sudden confession.

“i have a cool guy persona that i try quite hard to keep up, and i didn’t want millions of people seeing me, fucking, splayed out like that. all my feelings on display in 4k. since the day you walked in that fucking door, i’ve been forcing myself to hate you, forcing myself to be your ‘enemy’, playing along with this stupid fucking charade we both seemingly crafted out of nowhere. being that close to you, it makes that whole game a lot harder to play.”

“spencer,” you said, attempting to alleviate some pressure. “you don’t have to–”

“i’m serious, y/n. i’m not mad, i’m not even upset. frankly, i’m relieved. it’s out there, people have seen it, and i’m happy about it. i’m tired of this stupid cat and mouse game, y/n. this shit makes me feel like sisyphus. i’m tired of pushing the stupid fake hatred boulder up the mountain. and i think you are, too. i’ve seen it. i’ve felt it.” he whispered the last part, like it was meant just for him. he was thinking about the kiss. reliving it, the tension, the heat, the closeness. his lips on yours, his hands in your hair. he was thinking about it, and he wasn’t thinking it was embarrassing or gross. he didn’t regret it. he didn’t regret you.

you leaned into him, bringing your nose right up to his, face closer than need be for a conversation between two people who claim to hate each other. “tell me to stop, spencer,” you tried.

he looked at you, eyes wide and shining again. his gaze flickered down to your mouth, then back to your eyes. “fuck it,” he stated, and then his lips were on you.

you were once again kissing spencer agnew, and you were once again doing it at the fucking office. but you didn’t care about that, couldn’t care about that, because he was kissing you, and this time it was different. it wasn’t nearly as clumsy, or aggressive. the angle was perfect, and his hand was resting on the back of your neck, a soft cradle. your brain didn’t need to time to load, or reboot, and for once it didn’t even blue screen. you immediately kissed spencer back, with more fervor than you thought you had in you.

a small moan slipped out of your mouth, and you didn’t care about that either. you knew your coworkers were probably watching you both from around the corner, phones out to record the momentous occasion, hushes being thrown at others who dared to speak.

but right now, the only thing you cared about was making sure spencer knew you weren’t going to play this fucking godawful game anymore. you kissed him like you were serious about it, because you were. you were serious about spencer agnew. as serious as a heart attack, which you felt like you were on the verge of.

you attempted to pull back for a moment, but spencer wouldn’t let you go. he’s starving, and you are a delicacy he intends to gorge himself on, gluttonous. you gave in, and continued to kiss him back. it’s the most blissful feeling, reciprocation.

no more games. no more lies. no more feuds.

no more enemies, or hatred.

some things in life are universal truths. the grass is green, the sky is blue, and you and spencer agnew loved each other. you always had, and both of you were equally tired of pretending otherwise. pushing back against the universe was always a losing game.

so you both gave in.

and it was heavenly.

“please, y/n,” spencer pined, pulling back but still staying close. “don’t make me wait another two months to do that again.”

a laugh surged out of you, loud and honest. “have you been thinking about doing it again?”

“constantly. it’s a problem.”

you bit your bottom lip, unsure of how you got here. “oh my god,” you put your head in your hands, remembering your first tweet from you posted that. “i’m sorry i threatened to piss in your kickstart.”

this time, spencer was the one who laughed. hard and loud, honest, just like you, a moment ago. like you were still doing, because hearing spencer laugh made you laugh. a contagious happiness pouring from his lips, filling your very atoms.

“it’s okay, i understand. i wanted to piss in your lattes.” he set his forehead against yours, a form of intimacy he seemed to love. just like two months ago, he was invading your space and you couldn’t get enough of it.

“i’m sorry it took so long to get my head out of my ass,” he spilled, remorse heavy in his voice. “to think we could have been doing this so long ago…” his sentence faded away, and you couldn’t help but smile even harder.

“hey, my head was also up my ass. it’s okay. we have time.”

“yeah, we do.”

✰ .ᐟ

the remainder of the week went off without incident. you told ian you would fill out any and all paperwork, but not until you and spencer were ready. not until he formally asked you to be his girlfriend. it was still the very early days, and while you were beyond happy, you didn’t want to jinx it. watching this love grow was a privilege, not a right, and you intended to keep it.

you both graced the infamous white reddit stories couch, the episode themed around coworker drama. it was nice to be able to laugh with him openly, and it was nice to hear his thoughts on the stories. spencer was incredibly well articulated when he wanted to be, and it was incredibly sexy to watch him be so emotionally mature and vulnerable. he was more understanding than you would have ever expected, and it only made you want him more.

you hadn’t had a real, formal date yet. that was tonight, once shooting wrapped. he refused to tell you anything about it, just insisted you dress comfortably.

and you were comfortable, here on this couch, with spencer. you both had to be reminded not to sit so close together, several times now. shayne and courtney ragged on you a bit, but they promised to give you tips on hiding the relationship if that was what you chose to do. that was a conversation for another time, but it was nice to know everyone at smosh would always be in your corner.

you pulled yourself out of your head to concentrate on shayne’s voice, and you even threw in a few comments mid-narration. you didn’t like doing that often, it felt rude to interrupt. but hearing spencer break out in a fit of giggles at a shitty joke you made only pushed you to be more confident.

✰ .ᐟ

“where the fuck are going, spencer?” you questioned for approximately the fifteenth time. once shooting had wrapped, everyone bid you and spencer farewell and good luck on your first official date. you went to the bathroom to change into your favorite sweatpants and an old hoodie, and when you reappeared spencer was holding a blindfold in his hand.

without thinking, you had popped the first joke that came into your head. “oh, we’re already getting freaky?”

he had laughed, and insisted it wasn’t anything like that. “but it can be, eventually.” he raised an eyebrow, suggestive and suave.

well, fuck.

as spencer directed you through the office – presumably to take you to one of the stages? – you let the lack of sight relax you. he wanted to surprise you, which means that he planned something. or set something up. you were rapidly falling in love with this man, and you weren’t sure if that was scary or exciting. probably both. you were free falling out of a fucking airplane, the cords on your parachute stuck, but it felt good.

“okay, you can remove your blindfold,” you heard his voice from behind you, as he finally brought you to a stop.

you slowly reached up to pull the blindfold off, and you couldn’t stop the tears that started to form.

spencer had set up a place for you to record music. he had moved a bunch of props and furniture around on the games stage, and set up a tiny little nook with pillows and blankets and bean bags. somehow, your guitar was there, propped next to an amp. there were several pedals splayed out, a wide array of effects for you to choose from. it was all hooked up to your macbook, which had fl studio pulled up on it.

“spencer…” you whined. the tears were silent, but they fell in waves.

he moved to stand in front of you, and you knew you would never get tired of being able to be this close to him whenever you wanted. he was yours to hold.

you tried to stop the tears, tried to speak, tried to thank him and apologize. all you could do was let the small, silent sobs wrack your body.

“y/n, please please tell me that these are happy tears,” spencer pleaded with you. his hand wiping a tear away from your cheek.

you nodded furiously, and found your voice again. “y-yes. yes. they are happy tears.” you took a deep breath in, stinging in the best way. “thank you so fucking much, spencer. i don’t know what to say other than thank you.”

“i know that you write music, but i know you never record it. i didn’t know if that was because you were worried about it not being good enough, or if it was simply the inability to record. either way, i can keep all of this set up here for you. whenever you want, as long as the stage isn’t needed, of course. i was hoping we could have a little jam sesh.” spencer laughed, light and airy.

you surged forward, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tightly. “thank you,” you said again.

✰ .ᐟ

you and spencer spent three hours holed up on the games stage, playing around with different effects pedals and different fl studio presets. the time flew by, and you hadn’t even actually recorded anything, but you didn’t need to. you’d remember every second of this night for the rest of your life. you didn’t show spencer any of the songs you’d written these past few weeks, all of them about him. you would one day, when you were ready, but right now all you wanted was to be in this moment with him.

“it’s crazy how far we’ve come in such little time,” spencer said quietly, once the instruments had been retired and you were both stretched out on the extra large bean bag.

you smiled, agreeing. “yeah. it sucks that we lost out on so much time, but i’m grateful that i get to have you at all.” it was more vulnerable than you had meant to be, but spencer didn’t let it linger in the air too long.

“you have me for as long as you want, babe. i’m not leaving until you kick me out.”

a soft laugh, “i can’t imagine a world where i’d ever kick you out, spencer.”

“it’s like i told you. you’re the one in charge, y/n. i’ll follow your lead wherever it takes me.”

“even if it takes you off a cliff?” you japed, adding some levity to this conversation you weren’t quite ready for.

“yes,” spencer replied, no hesitation or thought. “wherever you go, i’d like to be with you. if you’d have me.”

you turned fully onto your side so you could look at him again. his hair had gotten so long, and you were hoping he wouldn’t cut it yet. you liked how wild and windswept it looked at this length. you also wanted to pull it.

“what are you saying, spencer?” you were egging him on.

“will you be my girlfriend, y/n? we can go as slow or as fast as you’d like, we can do it all at your pace. we have time,” he assured you. “i know this is only our first date, and normally this might seem like jumping the gun a little bit.” spencer sighed, but it was wistful, not sad. “but i’ve been sure about you for years now, and now that you’re finally giving me the chance, i don’t want to wait. i don’t want it to slip out of my hands.”

you let out a breath you didn’t notice you were holding. this side of spencer – no, just spencer – you were so unaware of him and everything he had the capacity to be and do and feel just a few months ago. sure, you’d been pining for awhile, and you’d been watching him for a bit. not in a creepy way, just observing him when he wasn’t putting up the goddamn shield he always forced up around you. seeing spencer for who he was, as he was. you had no idea that he could be so eloquent, so romantic, so fucking perfect.

“christ, you’re going to kill me, charles spencer agnew.”

“is that a yes, y/n? don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind already!” spencer laughed again, and you realized just how often you made him laugh. almost like your specific brand of comedy was tailor made for him. maybe it was.

“yes, spencer, i will be your girlfriend.” you smiled at him, a toothy. unabashed grin. “thank you for this.” you gestured around the nook. “seriously, this is so fucking sweet of you. i really, truly appreciate it.” most people didn’t put so much effort into the first date. this would, normally, be a fifth date kind of thing, probably. not that you had much practice. but it was your first real date, and spencer did all this work just to spend a few hours making shitty hyperpop mixes out of the silliest guitar sounds you could manage.

“don’t get used to it, this was a lot of work.”

your smile dropped instantly, a cold rush hitting you. fuck, was he making fun of you? you felt tears well up again, this time decidedly unhappy tears.

spencer shot up in an instant. “hey, hey. it’s okay, love. can i touch you?”

you cried harder, realizing that not only was spencer not making fun of you, but that he was listening. he always was, he always had been. because he knew not to touch you when you were crying, he knew to ask. and you had never told him that.

you had said it in a reddit stories video once. the story had to do with panic attacks, and you felt like you had to give your two cents, daring to be vulnerable on beyoncé’s internet.

“i actually hate being touched when i’m upset. people always jump straight to hugging me or patting my head or some shit. bro, i’m fucking freaking out, please do not touch me!”

courtney laughed, agreeing with your sentiment. “no, exactly! like, i’m crying all over myself and i’m snotty and gross. please get your hands off me. you can clearly see i’m overwhelmed, why is your first thought to add to that?”

it was refreshing to be understood by someone.

“i have never once seen someone in emotional distress and thought, ‘hmm, i should hug them super tight! that’ll help!’ like, what the fuck are we doing, guys? however, i do remember one time i started having a panic attack, and my friend looked at me and held her hands up, then asked ‘can i touch you?’ which, like, just broke me out of it. i was so thankful that she asked to touch me instead of just doing it that i was immediately calmed down. she’s great.”

the emotions were a sudden flood, and you shook your head no. spencer sat still in his spot, respecting your decision. for some reason, this only prompted you to cry harder.

basic respect had you sobbing. this was fucking embarrassing.

“i’m so sorry,” you said through tears, trying to explain yourself.

spencer was patient, and you knew he would wait for you to collect yourself. it was a small gesture but it really did mean the world to you. this meant not only did he listen to you when you were talking on set, but also that he watches the videos that you’re in. he wasn’t on that shoot, he had a con to go to. he wasn’t even in the state of california when you had said that. you had said that nearly a year ago, and he had watched the video when it came out. then committed that piece of you to memory.

“spencer?” you let out softly. “i have a question.”

your voice was small, almost upsettingly so. you didn’t mean to sound so timid, but projecting your voice when you’re feeling this many emotions was something you could only do in front of a camera or a live audience.

“yes?”

“how long have you known that you didn't… y’know. hate me?” you sighed, glad to have the weight of the question off of your shoulders, but worried about how heavy the answer might weigh on you.

“i never hated you. i never even disliked you, y/n. i thought you were smart enough to figure that out.”

“are you negging me, babe?” you asked him, trying out the pet name. it felt nice, especially because you meant it. and because this time, you knew he wasn't being mean. he was just being spencer.

once again, spencer’s laugh graced your eardrums, and you knew you’d never tire of the way it made you feel. unstoppable. like if you could make spencer agnew laugh like this, you could do anything in the world. maybe even be brave.

“can i show you something that i've been working on?” you asked, your eyes trailing up to meet his, which were already fixated on you. as always.

“of course.”

you grabbed your guitar, turning ever so slightly to the side. you didn't want to hide, but you also didn't want to be on full display. spencer understood your movement immediately; he looked down at his hands for a moment, silently reassuring you that it was okay, that you were safe.

it was refreshing to be understood by someone.

you plucked the chords you had burned into your brain at this point. you had written this song the evening of the hide and seek incident (trademark pending).

you let your eyes fall shut, playing from memory, as easy as 1-2-3. as you began the first verse, you dared to glance at spencer. he was looking at you, but through his periphery. still trying to give you that space, but unable to deny himself. it made you burn bright with pure, radiant joy.

you glided into the chorus, your eyes fully open at this point. spencer had long since abandoned his resolve, and he was watching you intently. instead of being scared, or nervous, or overwhelmed, you just felt seen.

in every sense, you felt seen. he was looking at you, into you, and not through you. he was seeing your heart on your sleeve, stitched permanently on every cardigan you owned. he was seeing all of your emotions, all the anger, all the sadness. and he understood your emotions, because he had felt them, too. he had gone through it all, too.

how lucky you were, to be loved by someone so observant. and maybe it wasn't love yet, but you knew the potential was there. you knew, as you finished up the bridge and moved on to the outro, that the seed had been planted. you would be sure to water it diligently.

“can i kiss you?” spencer blurted out, as soon as the final note finished ringing out in the otherwise silent stage.

“always.” you met spencer halfway, another crashing, aching kiss. his hands immediately found your hair, as they always did. your arms fell around his shoulders, a loose hold.

after a moment the kiss was less crashing and danger and speed, slowing naturally to a sensual pace. lightly pulling and pushing, his hands now gripping your hips. not angry, not painful. it was a tight grip, but it wasn't mean. it felt scared, almost, like if spencer didn't hold on to you, you’d be gone.

you think you liked that feeling. the feeling that your partner wanted you all the time.

you spent another hour lazily kissing, and ended up falling into a blissful sleep.

✰ .ᐟ

you woke up about an hour after you had crashed. you hadn't meant to, you were just so fucking relaxed and happy. with the way your sleep had been, you weren’t going to turn down a nap.

spencer mumbled something, and you were suddenly hyperaware of the fact you were still in the office. you groaned, unintentionally.

“you okay, y/n?” your boyfriend – you loved that – asked, his voice soft and scratchy from the nap.

you smiled down at him. “yeah, sorry. i just realized we've only ever kissed at the office.”

you watched in amusement as the cogs turned in his head. “oh, jeez. well, that’s just unacceptable. hey, apropos of nothing, i'm out of kickstart. do you want to run to the corner store with me?”

spencer held out a hand, as if to say ‘join me on this adventure?’ and you weren’t sure how you could decline his offer.

♡

#richie txt #richie writes #spencer agnew x reader #smosh x reader

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