#rewired my brain for the worst
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hcklbrryfg · 3 months ago
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the psycho-spiritual tension between me fighting to justify buying a new stylus (which has forced a comic i was really excited about into a hiatus, putting me into a creative slump/depression) and the only inbox messages i get being random gaza fundraisers
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zorosdimples · 9 months ago
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“came back wrong” but you just wake up from a too-long nap as a completely different person
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artigas · 10 months ago
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there’s something deeply dark-sided about the fact that, having finished a fantasy novel this afternoon and a chapter of a fic that updated this evening, I found myself fresh out of fun stuff to read and thought: hm, maybe I should go on jstor and see if I find an interesting article. I wonder what people have to say about tennyson. like, what the fuck? Who thinks that? yuck!
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rosesradio · 5 months ago
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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starlit-mansion · 9 months ago
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my haterism is getting the the point where i just start blocking the op of every reblog i don't like rather than blacklisting stuff. the long game.
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again
#rat rambles#oni posting#just everytime I think abt olivia's 1500 cycle onwards logs I want to start biting things#shes soooo fucked up and tragic and she doesnt get any closure and she never will and I LOVE it#I fucking love her so much she rewired my brain so hard shes like one of The blorbos of all time#damn you klei you rly know how to make characters that destroy me beyond repair (hi carter twins)#I still find it fun imagining olivia and jackie interacting with the dont starve cast even if they wouldn't like most of them#I have lightly changed my mind on one dynamic tho#I still think that jackie would be stressed out by all the kiddos and would at least dislike them. but.#I do think she could end up kind of getting along with walter#like look at me. she was probably just like him as a kid. she would hate him for it but they could also talk for hours.#hed start sharing fun facts abt his bug collection and jackie would start lecturing him abt ants or whatever and hed think shes so cool#I think olivia still wouldn't like him tho but that's purely because hed probably stress her out#same with the rest of the kiddos I think if you put webber in the room with the two of them theyd both have a breakdown#not because hes a spider solely because hes a little boy who probably just asked them if he can have icecream#and wendy and abby would just be a situation of them not knowing how to talk to kids let alone depressed kids#oh and theyd probably also be stressed out by wurt for basic they dont know how to deal with kids reasons#rly the two would just hang out with wickerbottom and no one else if they could help it#except wanda they'd bother her non stop to the point shed start avoiding them lol#you see Im sure plenty of the cast wouldnt like olivia and jackie either because of just how much they wouldn't take magic as an answer#not that theyd be like no that cant be real cause thatd be magic theyd more likely start sciencing out the mechanics of all the magic stuff#in practical terms while also refusing to call it magic#and worst of all knowing them theyd probably get results because fuck man they brute forced their way into time travel (sort of) so why not#so itd just be maxwell being soooo pissed as the two somehow manage to replicate his spells without the codex#dont let them meet wagstaff then itd rly be jover
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onceuponastarryeye · 1 year ago
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books read in twenty-twenty-four
hour zero - agatha christie (5/5)
if you could see the sun - ann liang (4/5)
his last bow - arthur conan doyle (4/5)
labor and monopoly capital: the degradation of work in the twentieth century - harry braverman (4/5)
the count of monte cristo (adapted text) - alexandre dumas (3.5/5)
before we say goodbye (btcgc #4) - toshikazu kawaguchi (5/5)
contagion - robin cook (2.5/5)
beach read - emily henry (4.5/5) (rr)
death by drowning and other stories - agatha christie (5/5)
little fires everywhere - celeste ng (4.75/5)
mrs. dalloway - virginia woolf (3.5/5) (rr)
five little pigs - agatha christie (4/5)
cinema e memória - milene de cássia silveira gusmão; paulo henrique alcântara; euclides santos mendes (3.5/5)
rouge - mona awad (3.75/5)
first love - ivan turguêniev (4/5)
the moving finger - agatha christie (3.5/5)
the memory police - yoko ogawa (5/5)
entre flechas e sapatos de cristal: fadas madrinhas s.a - kézia garcia (4.5/5)
the hunger games (thg #1) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)
the next girl - karla kovach (3/5)
the invisible man - h. g. wells (3.5/5)
death comes at the end - agatha christie (4/5)
welcome to the hyunam-dong bookstore - hwang bo-reum (4/5)
teias mortais - bel rodrigues, felipe castilho, jim anotsu, luisa geisler, samir machado de machado (5/5)
catching fire (thg #2) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)
introdução à filosofia de bergson - paulo césar rodrigues (4/5)
the very secret society of irregular witches - sangu mandanna (4.5/5)
the hollow - agatha christie (3.5/5)
hold tight - harlan coben (2.75/5)
the atlas complex (tas #3) - olivie blake (3/5)
todas as minhas libelulas (memórias dos pardes #1) - gabrielli casseta (5/5)
uma aprendizagem ou o livro dos prazeres - clarice lispector (5/5)
mockingjay (thg #3) - suzanne collins (5/5) (rr)
seis doses de culpa - luther alt (4/5)
the labours of hercules - agatha christie (4/5)
emily wilde's encyclopedia of faeries (eweof #1) - heather fawcett (4/5)
a man lay dead - ngaio marsh (4/5)
manual de cortej para princesas desencantadas - alien, maina, lyra, gabi, raquel & dulci (5/5)
taken at the flood - agatha christie (4/5)
capitalismo de plataformas - nick srnicek (4/5)
the reapperance of rachel price - holly jackson (4/5)
funny story - emily henry (4.25/5)
normal people - sally rooney (5/5) (rr)
18 brumário - karl marx (3.25/5)
extraordinary stories - edgar allan poe (4.25/5)
roteiro perfeito - vi carvalho (4/5)
they came to baghdad - agatha christie (4/5)
the familiar - leigh bardugo (4/5)
cidades pequenas não guardam seguredos - kézia garcia (5/5)
método científico: uma abordagem ontológica - ivo tonet (3.5/5)
the starless sea - erin morgenstern (5/5)
jantar secreto - raphael montes (3.75/5)
mrs. mcginty's dead - agatha christie (4/5)
atenciosamente, seu primeiro amor - tatielle katluryn (3.5/5)
the poverty of theory -edward thompson (2.5/5)
penance - eliza clarke (4/5)
the time machine - h. g. wells (3.75/5)
they do it with mirrors - agatha christie (4/5)
nothing more to tell - karen mcmanus (3.75/5)
persuasion - jane austen (5/5) (rr)
a sound of thunder - ray bradbury (4/5)
the chalk man - c.j. tudor (3.75/5)
after the funeral - agatha christie (3.5/5)
a hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez (4/5)
ariel - sylvia plath (3.75/5)
i'm the girl - courtney summers (3/5)
a pocket full of rye - agatha christie (4/5)
the piano (creepers series) - edgar j. hyde (3.75/5)
natural beauty - ling ling huang (3.5/5)
northanger abbey - jane austen (5/5) (rr)
uma estrada de histórias - rúbia albuquerque (3/5)
o amor é como a lua - vi carvalho (4/5)
into the drowning deep (rolling in the deep #1) - mira grant (5/5)
destination unknown - agatha christie (4/5)
gentilmente, amor - gabrielli casseta, kell carvalho, vi carvalho, maina mattos (4/5)
whose body? - dorothy l. sayers (3.75/5)
o ardil da flexibilidade - sadi dal rosso (3.5/5)
hickory, dickory, dock - agatha christie (3/5)
joyland - stephen king (4/5)
a detetive ruby johnson e o mistério da mesa 44 - noemi de paula (2.5/5)
the secret history - donna tartt (5/5) (rr)
rolling in the deep (rolling in the deep #0.5) - mira grant (3.75/5)
4:50 from paddington - agatha christie (4.5/5)
a mulher na sociedade de classes: mito e realidade - heleith saffioti (4.25/5)
the woman in cabin 10 - ruth ware (2.75/5)
days at the morisaki bookstore - satoshi yagisawa (4.5/5)
intermezzo - sally rooney (3.5/5)
house of hollow - krystal sutherland (4/5)
crime and punishment - fyodor dostoevsky (4/5)
the pale horse - agatha christie (4.5/5)
the other turn of the screw - henry james (4.5/5)
two sides to every murder - danielle valentine (3.5/5)
história das mulhers no brasil - mary del priori (3.5/5)
the frightened lady - edgar wallace (3/5)
cat among the pigeons - agatha christie (3.75/5)
the da vinci code - dan brown (3/5)
some choose darkness - charlie donlea (4/5)
twelfth night - william shakespeare (3.5/5)
orlando - viriginia woolf (3/5)
the mirror crack'd from side to side - agatha christie (4.5/5)
emily wilde's map of the otherlands (eweof #2) - heather fawcett (4.5/5)
memórias póstumas de brás cubas - machado de assis (4/5)
the clocks - agatha christie (3/5)
entre vestidos de noiva e bolinhos de baunilha - kézia garcia (4/5)
before we forget kindness (btcgc #5) - toshikazu kawaguchi (4.25.5)
meu amor agridoce - aline moretho (5/5)
the only one left - riley seager (3.5/5)
a caribbean mystery - agatha christie (4/5)
the cat who saved books - sōsuke natsukawa (3/5)
the colossus & other poems - sylvia plath (5/5)
good wives (little women #1, part 2) - louisa may alcott (3/5)
babel - r.f. kuang (4/5)
at bertram's hotel - agatha christie (3.5/5)
the lady of shalott - alfred tennyson (5/5)
one left alive - helen phifer (2.25/5)
água viva - clarice lispector (5/5)
the patient - jasper dewitt (4/5)
the answer is no - fredrik backman (5/5)
lovers at the museum - isabel allende (3.75/5)
a espera - lygia fagundes telles (4/5)
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taketwoinink · 1 year ago
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I'm constantly in the process of learning new things about myself and yesterday I finally got the words to describe something I'd been realizing for a while. I thought I would share in case this helps anyone else. and also so I don't forget it... mostly so I don't forget it
and this is just my experience, so it may not be the same for everyone else. and if this doesn't happen to you and this isn't helpful, that's just fine
Recently I've been experiencing that whole "you lay down to go to sleep and immediately your brain starts bringing up every mistake, embarrassing, and questionable thing you've ever done". My brain will do this during any quiet moment when I don't have another thought taking precedence, which is just awful btw
My brain also will dig up moments where I didn't do anything wrong, but I maybe didn't do something as good as I could have. I write fanfiction, so most of this manifests as me stressing over the fact that things I have posted have mistakes or pacing issues or just aren't the best writing they could possible be-
And then it goes to all my fandom friends and people I know who read my fanfictions and my brain insists that they're judging me for this. And all my mistakes and awkward moments- it brings those up too and says everyone else involved is judging me and thinking less of me because of those moments.
Then it hit me. Are they judging me for those moments, or am I judging myself?
And I can apply this to other things in my life. I have this ongoing struggle with guilt over something that happened and for a long time I thought I needed to earn forgiveness from someone else so that I could move past this. I ended up realizing that they weren't upset with me, I'm the one that is upset with me. And I'm still working on forgiving myself
So, maybe if you have a moment where you think everyone hates you, stop and ask: do they hate you? or do you hate yourself?
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metalcorebarbie · 2 years ago
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i’m listening to all the new music that has been released today and i’m eating SO WELL i’m basically having a feast
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sillywebz · 2 years ago
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should i be feelin bad (no)
should i be feelin good (no)
its kinda sssssssaaaaaaaaaaaddddd
im the laughing stock of the neighborhood (no)
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bloggrgirl · 2 years ago
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this is not how mental illnesses work but i truly feel that if i look at jensen ackles too much i will develop gender dysphoria
#if i was braindead i would reblog gifs of him and be like 'gender'#which is cringe as hell cause it glorifies gender roles which are harmful as hell#but i also fully understand that in the gender role obsessed world we live it's possible to be jealous of#the way someone does or doesn't fit gender roles#bc they're so baked into every facet of style and personality and stuff#that admiring something about someone inevitably ties in to how they do or don't fit gender roles#because every trait that every person could have has already been coded masculine or feminine by society#of course my answer is to deconstruct and destroy that rather than have fun with it bc there's nothing fun about misogyny lol#anyway all that's to say i never agreed with what people meant when they were reblogging the pretty boys being like 'i want his gender'#aka i want to be like him and fit gender roles the way he does or doesn't#but i'm seeing some jensen ackles shit that is rewiring my brain fully#i need to look like that immediately#also i had a soul-crushing convo about misogyny with my friend yesterday (love her we have so much in common)#and my subconscious is now like. ha just a reminder being a woman is so hard all#the time wouldn't it be nice if not only you were a man but you were a 'man's man'#and just live one day out from under the patriarchy!!! wouldn't that be so great well too bad. sucks for you.#patriarchy all day all the time and it's heart wrenching and soul crushing and unbearable and sometimes the worst part of being alive#ha! ha!
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robo-nya · 21 hours ago
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I can’t fucking relax rn idk why maybe I feel guilty for calling in but I got coverage. Idk idk idk idk I’m kinda spiralling today. Is it okay that I treated myself to a few new pieces of clothing and more weed? Idk OUR MONEY IS OKAY RN BUT IM JUST WORRIED. IM WORRIED I SHOULDNT SPEND MONEY IDKKKKKKKKK FUCK BUT SPENDING MONEY MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BEYYER FUCICKCKKFKCKCKCKCKCKCKK KCKCKVKVK I really just hate myself and everything
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swag-system · 7 days ago
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Ohhhhh the consequences of my actions.....
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prototypeluv · 3 months ago
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just split in front of my best friend and she reassured that she doesn’t want me to carry my burden alone!!!
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ppulverse · 4 months ago
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transmasc-totoro · 5 months ago
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>forgot about a double shift
>my coworker also forgot and didn’t write down she wasn’t working in her calander so she came in anyway
>😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 I’m a dumbass and unprofessional but the consequences are minimal thank god
And my boss isn’t making me come in. Su will be glad for the even extra overtime and I’m coming in early in a few weeks to cover for her in exchange so it’ll be okay. But like now what do i do for the hours until I work I can’t go back to sleep. Do I dare…..to use this time….to apply for jobs o.O
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