#rewatching it made me realise how much I���ve

[3l1s-rh4ps0dy]

My new little blog series ?

'Ve got nothing better to do then make a blog seeing as how I front so often and I have virtually no hobbies (I watch TV all day and think a bunch, my job is to take care of the body and I've taken on the task of helping ease our host, Charlie, into realising and understanding he's apart of a system) so I've decided to blog about the shows I watch.

Currently I'm on episode three of 'The Night Agent' which I thoroughly enjoy. Essentially the series follows a government program called 'Night Agents.' Night Agents are FBI intel operatives and such who answer the phone which is a direct communication line between intel operatives and POTUS. I find this idea incredibly interesting because that isn't the only usage, it also can help intel operatives (and spies) if they or their families are compromised. I love that idea, I think that it's extremely helpful as an idea because it can literally save lives of people who save lives.

One day, in 'The Night Agent' universe, a woman's house is broken into and her aunt and uncle (who are spies) and they discuss what to do with the documents and classified intel that's in the house. Eventually, the main character (that woman, who is named Rose), is given a number and a code to say by her uncle. When she calls the line, our other protagonist answers and saves her life. Eventually he comes to "collect" her from police and then they go from safe house to safe house, trying to uncover who killed her aunt and uncle, and why they did it.

My personal takees:

I have always enjoyed crime shows and our gatekeeper has always given me memories of those shows (more than others because I enjoy them), so this show had that and thriller aspects, meaning it was high energy and higher stakes. I loved the dynamics between the characters and the plot was truly compelling. I can confidently say I would rewatch this show just for enjoyment alone.

I only have had one major gripe with the show and that's the dialogue. The dialogue is super hit or miss because there is a lot of vulgar language. I personally swear (and so does our host, Charlie), but it was even too much for me. Sometimes it felt like every other word was "fuck" or "dick" and that got incredibly tiring. Other than that, the dialogue sometimes felt incredibly flat or didn't make a whole lot of sense. It feels more like it was written by some very good fanfiction writers at some points, not screenwriters.

The show is TV-MA for violence and language, but I watched it on my own time and found that the violence wasn't terrible, only the language was heavy.

Takeaways:

In all, I found the show SUPER good, I loved the premise and I think this would've made an incredible movie, or book, though it is a good show on it's own. I think if you enjoy suspenseful crime shows that this show is ideal for you, especially if you enjoyed the season finales of crime shows like NCIS or MacGyver even.

-Eli.

[laadgovernorandsankadevi]

IPK Rewatch: EP 02; the dori breaks

and so it begins!! The first meeting, the divine stars have intervened. Devi Mayyian watched over as Khushi drove away on the stolen scooter and just as she pulled her dupatta feeling his gaze over her, she slips and falls in the arms of her rajkummar.

Every single interaction between them, it's Khushi who breaks away or walks away. Every single one. She is the one to break the bubble by stepping back or wanting to break away from his grip. He doesn't let her go right away as she squirms and him pulling her back into his arms for that brief second as he takes all of her in, makes her realise her hand on his collar which the moment she removes he pushes her off him. I think bitwa realised what happened to him. He was angry alright, but this girl stirred something the moment he saw her and her trying to break free away from him, a man who girls flock after; he is not going to take these feelings lightly. I think he realised what happened when snapped at her taking her hand off his collar.

Khushi stands scared. Whether any feelings in her have risen or not, she was scared and nervous to begin with and it's clear that the way this man stared at her was not how men should be looking at anyone for that matter. The guards take her away from the premises but not without her dupatta falling off and landing at his feet.

I always found the Khushi's dupatta a character of it's own. Dupatta means a lot to south asian women. Hell I would say that when I find myself wearing a 6ft fabric around me, the realisation of what this garment means symbolically and what it communicates about my character to style is not something that can be a joke. For a girl like Khushi, the dupatta is a symbol is respect and how funny and ironic it is that the man who in next few seconds will declare his control over her life will be the one to return/restore the respect he tried time and time again to disapprove about her to himself. The dupatta under his feet, falling by his feet is such a big deal. But also I feel this moment signifies that Devi Mayyian did sent Arnav as Khushi's protector. If Arnav has been provided with the power and ability to choose his interpretation of what her clutching her dupatta means, then he is also the only one whose treatment of her dupatta protects her image and reputation in eyes of others.

The dupatta and the collar are recurring motifs. And beautiful ones at that! There's something that happens to my brown ghairat at the utilisation of these motifs. Maybe internalised sexist rhetoric? 

Back at Gupta House, we get a glimpse of Bua ji's displeasure at Khushi's antics and everyone being worried about not being able to find the papers. Payal who had been hoping that Abhishek was unaware about the dowry, at finding out he's said nothing to defend the Guptas or his to-be wife, finds herself more upset. Meanwhile Garima figures out the connection between Khushi's absence and the mortgaged papers missing.

All while Khushi is being interrogated. In all honesty, I would be hella sus of Khushi being somewhere and ruining a major multi-million company's event. I tried listening multiple times but Barun really used to mumble a lot of dialogues on the beginning. He mumbles the name of a rival fashion house which the nosy person in me wanted to know!

When Arnav takes the first step forward, Khushi doesn't step back but it's from his second step forward that she starts taking a step back. A precedent is set between these two and the progression of their relationship with one taking a step forward, another taking a step back. Khushi doesn't willingly stop taking steps back until after Shyam's revelation. I think it also tracks Khushi's relationship with Arnav's anger. If Khushi's personality and actions give Arnav a reason to start falling for her or allow himself to trust his feelings for her, then none of anything that Arnav does ever allows Khushi to move past the confusion of having feelings for him. She is instead troubled at the aspect of liking someone she's doing her level best to hate.

In first 15 mins of the second episode, we get everything that's going to be the foundation. Arnav always being the one to catch Khushi, the collar, the dupatta, and the bubble which evolves into Rabba Ve, and the steps. I think this is the one of the reasons the initial episodes are beautiful and grip you. The show doesn't waste time in establishing the thesis of their relationship. We slowly start exploring their characters but the relationship, that's what all of this is about.

Sanaya literally looked like a goddess in this episode I swear. The make up is perfect, her face looks perfectly angelic and stands out in contrast to Barun's intense presence. the glowy backdrop of the make up room with mirrors and lights provides a perfect backdrop for who both of them are as people. Arnav being extraordinary and grandeur. Khushi being the source of light.

With Arnav narrating about aukat and wealth, Khushi's expression changes and she refers to caring about family members. She's here because of her sister. Eventually Khushi lands up in Shantivan because of his sister. If money is a motivator to regain the Malik's lost respect and turn them into Raizadas, the money is also something that Arnav equates with respect. He is after all still standing in Sheesh Mahal, and money along with respect was what he lost the day him and his sister were kicked out. He had to rely on Mami's assistance eventually to be able to build up a strong investment portfolio and a fashion house.

I also think Arnav used wealth and class as a reason to provoke Khushi. There are two types of people in middle class or lower classes. Those who take pride in their ability to not ask for help and earn their way through life, and those who would do anything for money. Funny how the damad of Malik's daughter is the one whose a gold digger.

But what is something poor girls have to prize more than their being? Their respect. And at the mention if his sister who Khushi made an assumption of existing, he is compelled to destroy everything about her.

badtamizi pe tou mein Abhi aya nahi hoon.

The way this show turned the dori and dupatta into a motif of what they actually are is beautiful to me. There's nothing romantic about preserving respect and dignity, but there is something powerful in someone's ability to be able to do so. Arnav ripping apart the pearls and having them scatter symbolises how his presence took the innocence away. From the release of this clip, there is no moment where Khushi's character doesn't come under question by either Arnav or Shyam. The pearl dori breaking also starts Arnav's journey of walking a path where he had to be apologise. He is going to be living with this guilt for at least the entirety of the year.

Back at Gupta House, everyone is concerned for Khushi except for Bua ji, who is definitely the one more concerned about appearances than Garima. Perhaps because for Garima, her husband is still present besides her. As much as I hate prioritising of appearances and the shame-based social approach of brown communities, it is something that unfortunately exists and our narratives exist within the existence of socially acceptable appearances.

Payal whose been asked concisely about Khushi doesn't budge but she decides to say something with her father returning. Perhaps because she also realises that the way she loves Khushi unconditionally and considers her as her closet confidant, Babuji also is accepting and understanding of Khushi's intentions even if they revert to a mistake. Payal's displeasure at Abhishek not speaking up for her also helps in being happy at Khushi's return and aiding Khushi afterwards as much as she could.

Shashi who had been apprehensive about dowry to begin with is relieved to see Khushi safe and sound, Garima who was adding by the norms of how girls family should behave was disappointed beyond words, and Bua ji was just straight up angry. I think Bua ji is the only character who despite loving Khushi, displays the bias in how she considers Payal to be perfect and Khushi to be imperfect.

While Khushi provides the explanation about going to meet the not-hone-wale jija ji, we do get an insight into why despite Manorama's objections and her own reservation on class issues, Payal agrees for Akash. Because Akash is honest about his feelings and about all that he hopes to provide. I have to say, the Gupta sisters have a really low bar for their men after having Shashi as a father. But honestly, don't we all just settle at crumbs half the time? It's truly a shame. -- Khushi admits her mistakes unless she's challenged or dared. and she doesn't hesitate in apologising except from Arnav. Khushi apologising is almost a norm for her character however Khushi apologising Arnav is not going to be one. I find that juxtaposition of how Khushi treats Arnav and him wanting apologies to be extremely hilarious! She forgives his gravers mistakes but not anything menial.

mat kaho humme amma!

oh, how it breaks Khushi's heart! Khushi is wholly accepted into her family even by Bua ji; so on the two occasions when she is reminded of her orphaned status, it crumbles her entire world. After all, she went to see Abhishek, Junior Engineer who wanted dowry for her step sister. She crosses over boundaries for those she loves and her family members are the people she repeatedly crosses these boundaries and social conventions for. Also in both the instances of Khushi being reminded about her orphaned status, Shashi and Payal are more understanding despite their disappointment or pain. They truly love Khushi whole-heartedly and perhaps unconditionally which is something that surprisingly Arnav does too even though the first marriage between the two was on the terms and conditions laid out by Arnav driven by his interpretation of Khushi’s betrayal.

The episode ends with Khushi opening up the sweet shop after being unable to sleep. I love the moonlight on both the girls face. It symbolises their inner turmoil and distress. With the divine clock on, the journey to rediscover themselves and them in love is going to rule the hearts of Gupta sisters.

[zenlesszonezero]

Join Zenless Zone Zero with Tsukishiro Yanagi, the deputy leader of Hollow Special Operations Section 6! Beneath her ordinary office lady exterior lies a meticulous, emotionally intelligent big sister to the team.

[wexregolden]

Read it on A03 here <3

THE BOY WHO LOVED Ch. 15

-Nicolas Flamel Niccolò Fares-

-----

It was a nice Sunday afternoon. Well, it would be one. Marti hanging out at Gio`s place, the actual purpose being studying for an upcoming exam next week. Just that they barely got some studying done till yet, eating some pizza and playing a few rounds of FIFA. So it would have been nice.

Would. If there wouldn´t have been the memories of Nico, him and Nico together, broken because of the discovery of Niccolò having a girlfriend. That nothing they shared, nothing that had felt so special to Martino, was real in the first place. And that knowledge broke Marti on the inside, his heart, making him feel miserable.

He looked over to Gio who sat next to him on the couch, finding him already looking at him. The game paused.

“Marti,” he simply said, raising his eyebrows at his best friend.

“Gio?”

“Talk to me,” Gio responded with emphasis in his voice.

Marti was about to say something, asking Gio what he meant, about to try to deny everything Gio might say now. But his best friend was faster than him.

“And don´t try to deny anything or to find an excuse. You´re my best friend, Marti, I see that something is off.”

“Nothing is off, Gio!”

“Martino,” Giovanni said in a warning voice, “the last time I saw you, at the Halloween party, you were the happiest and in such an euphoric mood. And now it just seems as if something happened, something bad, and as if the whole world was crushing. Talk to me, Marti! I will listen, whatever you have to tell about whatever makes you sad. Marti, you´re my best friend and you´re so important to me. I just want you to be happy and to have the best life possible.”

Marti had to swallow, listening to his best friend´s words made him shiver. And suddenly he didn´t feel afraid anymore, at least not as much as he used to. And suddenly he just went for it.

“I fell in love.”

“What? But Marti that´s fantastic! Who is she? The person, I mean,” he corrected himself before he continued, “is it the person you´re always texting with? The one that makes you smile like an idiot? That makes you so happy?”

Marti smiled slightly, a bit of self-pity in his smile, thinking back to all the text conversations he had with Niccolò, how happy it had actually made him.

And that it´s over now.

He looked over to Gio who looked at him expectant.

His thoughts started racing, debating about whether it would be a good idea, to tell Giovanni now, to just let his feels out, let them guide him. Or if he should keep quiet, find an excuse really quickly, and stay in his cage, the closet, he had learned to live in for years, even if it wasn´t the best.

His thoughts suddenly shutting up and his heart taking over as he suddenly heard himself saying it, those words he had kept to himself his whole life. So long. Too long.

“It´s not a girl. It´s a boy.”

And the room went completely silent. The only thing Marti was able to hear was his heartbeat, a little too fast, and his ears ringing.

Martino looked Gio in the eyes, them not giving anything away.

“It´s Niccolò,” he continued, letting a shaky and nervous breath out after he´s done.

As he looked over at his best friend he saw a smile slowly appearing on his face, getting wider and wider.

“Really Marti? That´s nice! He´s a good guy.”

Marti sighed and immediately had to think of Nico. His laugh, his humour, the fact that he always felt that comfortable around him. Just the way he is.

“He is,“ Marti answered a little sad.

“How did you met him?”

“We met over Bookstagram, but you already know that. He basically shitted on me first that I didn´t like Harry Potter but it changed into teasing soon and well… We got along pretty good right from the start I guess. At least it felt like that for me. We texted some time till we realised that we´re both from Rome and decided to meet. The first time meeting him was the day I came late to our meet up with Elia and Luca. And well, it didn´t stop after one meeting, we met again and there hasn´t been a person I felt that comfortable and at ease around this fast for some time. We talked about this and that, struggles he´s going through and well, one time I simply told him that I´m… that I´m gay and like boy. This was so terrifying, Gio, even if his reaction wasn´t bad, not at all, I felt so relieved afterwards. It might sound stupid now but it always felt as if there was… something between us, something special, you know? I can´t really describe it and put it into words but it was… so nice. Everything, spending time with him,” Marti looked up at his best friend who still sat there and smiled at him, “oh, and on Friday, when I went out of the bar he followed me and, well, he tried to kiss me I guess but Luchi came out and interrupted us.”

“Marti what? This sounds so romantic!”

“It does.”

“This sounds so wonderful, I´m so happy for you. But… why are you looking that sad then? Did something else happen?”

“It sounds beautiful, but for me only?”

“For you only?” Gio said, looking confused.

“Yeah, these feelings were just one-sided, there´s nothing more than friendship between us. I… guess it was just my mind playing tricks on me, telling me that Nico might really like me back.”

“But Marti?”

“Hm?”

“He tried to kiss you?”

“Yes. And?” Marti asked, raising his brows.

“He tried to kiss you! And you want to tell me that he has no feelings for you and only sees you as a friend?!” Gio said loudly, looking at his best friend as realisation suddenly appeared on his face.

“Shit Marti, Luchino interrupted you?! I was the one sending him out to look for you, gosh! Damn Marti I´m so sorry I—,” he didn´t get to finish his sentence as Martino already butted in again.

“Don´t worry, Gio. Even if Luchi wouldn´t have come out to look after us there, nothing would have happened.”

“What do you mean, Marti?”

“He has a girlfriend. He likes girls, not boys. Not me,” he whispered.

“But Marti you know that liking girls doesn´t necessarily have to mean that he couldn´t like boys too! Bi, pan, and so on, ever heard of it?” Gio asked, grinning a little before he continued, “but how do you know that Nico has a girlfriend? Did he tell you?”

“No he didn´t, I found it out on my own. He linked her on Instagram and well, there are a few pictures of him or them together on her Instagram. And no Gio, before you asked, they´re not just friends, an “I love you” under a picture and people complementing their relationship is clear enough,” Marti said and let a broken breath out.

“But Marti—”

“Gio, no need to try and tell me that they aren´t together, you don´t need to do this to try to make me feel better. It´s okay.”

“Okay, but I still can´t imagine it. I´ve seen the look on Nico´s face when he´s talked to you. Gosh Marti, his eyes were shining!”

Martino couldn´t help himself and had to smile sadly as the memories of the Halloween party came back again, him still being happy.

“And if it´s should be like that, he´s an idiot. The biggest idiot out there. If he lets someone like you go. You´re a catch, Marti, and every boy out there could be happy to date you. It wouldn´t be fair of Nico to give you hope and let you fall in the end, he would be an asshole. And Marti, believe me, you´ll find someone better. You deserve someone better.”

“Me being a catch is something my mom or grandma would normally say,” Marti said grinning, earning a laugh from Gio.

“How did you find out? That you like boys? You can tell me, only if you want of course.”

“Well, I never paid much attention to it, that I did find boys… cute I guess? It never occurred to be that it might be something special, it just was like that. Only when you guys and in general people around me back at elementary school started to have crushes on girls and talk about them, their looks, how beautiful they were, I could never get and understand it. The way you described you feelings for girls… I felt the same for boys. As older as I got I realised that I could never be normal, that I like boys and boys only. That I´m gay. And it made me feel so insecure of myself and of how the world would see me if everyone would know about it. Believe me, it terrified me. The thought that people would think differently of me, might cut ties. I was so afraid that it got me more and more into the closet. I knew that I liked guys, had crushes on them, but it would have never occurred to me to tell someone about it. Not till now, till I met Nico who just was… special.”

“Marti?” Gio asked after Marti finished telling his story.

“Yes?”

“I´m sorry. I´m so fucking sorry if I ever gave you the feeling that you can´t talk to me about it, that I would hate you or whatever. I could never! You´re my best friend and you´re so important to me. I love you no matter what, Marti!”

And with that Gio embraced Marti into a tight hug. Marti just knew that nothing had changed between them, Gio still touching him as before. And it felt as if all the weight has lifted from his shoulders for now, being there in the arms of his best friend. The best he could wish for.

“I´m so proud of you Marti. So, so proud!“

And it felt as everything would be good. Even if it´s just for the moment.  

-----

Yayyy new chapter :D Marti might be confused and sad about Niccolò at the moment but at least Gio made him open up yayyy <3 Writing this was actually so nice. I wrote it a day after I´ve rewatched season 2 of Skam Italia (which I´ve watched a day after coming out to a friend of mine and I felt like as I´ve been Marti and she was Gio in that situation, it was so perfect haha - wow random rambling end) and uff, i´m still not over Effetivamente, it gives me life, haha :D<3

I really hope you enjoyed reading it and I would love to hear what you think of it in the comments or my ask box <3

[pageturner92]

Hello!

The time has come around again to do the monthly wrap up.

I swear every month seems to pass faster than the one before because it didn’t seem that long ago since I did my June Wrap Up.

Anyway….

July has been quite good in terms of my reading. I managed to get through ten books and that is with a couple of little blips (aka DNFs). There are no audiobooks but I did listen to a few chapters of Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor the other night when I couldn’t sleep.

Before I get to the main books, the two DNFs were:

Once I started reading these, I no longer felt in the mood to do so. I really wanted to read more of On The Other Side but DNFing it was one of the best reading choices I made this month.

Moving onto the books I did actually read, and there is a mix of genres which I quite liked. I needed the mix as it helped to stop me falling into a reading slump.

The Surgeon, Tess Gerritsen – 5/5 The Apprentice, Tess Gerritsen – 5/5 The Sinner, Tess Gerritsen – 4/5 A few weeks ago I started rewatching the Rizzoli and Isles TV programme (one of my favourite crime shows) and it spurred me to re-read the books, which I haven’t read for a couple of years. Also, the 12th book in the series (I Know A Secret) comes out in 11 days and I cannot wait! I love Tess Gerritsen’s writing style and she has this amazing knack for getting me sucked into her storytelling and varying crimes. She is one of my favourite medical/crime thriller writers and none of her books can disappoint me. My joint review for The Surgeon and Apprentice will hopefully be up within the next week or so!

Because You Love To Hate Me, edited by Ameriie – 4/5 This was a good anthology although I found the quality of stories mixed. However, my favourite tales were Death Knell by VE Schwab, Marigold by Samantha Shannon, Jack by Ameriie, and Indigo and Shade by April Genevieve Tucholke

The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas – 4.5/5 If there is one current YA Contemporary I feel will become a classic, it is this. Inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement, it is a story full of incredible strength and power. It also has amazing family relationships that helped to bring some lighter moments to the story.

Rebel of the Sands, Alwyn Hamilton – 4/5 It has taken a couple of years for me to read this book and now I’ve finally read it, I love it! It was a little predictable but the story was highly enjoyable and I can’t wait to get into Traitor of the Throne. On the subject of this book and series, the cover for Hero of the Fall was released today at YALC and it is amazing!!!

Sawbones, Catherine Johnson – 3/5 I liked the story and the medical insights but I didn’t feel compelled enough by the characters. I expected more from this book so I am a little disappointed by it.

A Conjuring of Light, VE Schwab – 5/5 The review for this will be up tomorrow but I absolutely loved it! It is one of my favourite fantasies that I’ve read all year and it made for a great finale.

Journey’s End, R.C.Sheriff – 4/5 A very powerful read and one that won’t leave me anytime soon. To me, the shortness of this play is indicative of how short a life some soldiers had on the WWI front line. There’s not much plot, but it is very character driven and the emotions you feel are real. To read this before the centenary of the Battle of Passchendaele just brings all of it home to me and I feel very appreciative of those men who risked their lives to help make the world a better place.

And I Darken, Kiersten White – 4/5 This is my most recent read and it surprised me a lot. I knew a lot of people liked it but I didn’t realise that I’d eventually become one of them. Lada as a no-nonsense female protagonist is brilliant to follow, and I have a found a new all-time favourite male character in Radu. I love him!

As well as reading books, I also bought a few books this month.

Physical Books:

Although as Murdoch Mysteries is the newest purchase I have made, I won’t receive it for a few days.

E-books:

I get the feeling though that I’ll end up purchasing Now I Rise, and Flesh and Blood in their physical format too.

With only two physical books – not including Daughter of the Burning City that came in my FairyLoot box or the pre-order of Because You Love To Hate Me – I’ve done well in limiting the number of books I buy.

And that is that.

What has your month been like?

Thanks for reading and have a good day! xx

July Books Hello! The time has come around again to do the monthly wrap up. I swear every month seems to pass faster than the one before because it didn't seem that long ago since I did my June Wrap Up.