#resilience in hard times

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A gift horse for @piosplayhouse

[godshideouscreation]

How brave of me to continue living honestly.

[sunlit-mess]

*activate sir pentious voice*

Miss artist.. I love... To wish your mental health good luck ehreueheh

You are... Have always been an inspiring person with the most unique arstioe I've ever seen anyways... PLIS DON'T LET YOUR MENTAL HEALTH DIE OK BYE

[trrenchertrash]

I was thinking about “I am the dirt under your nails” and first of all I don’t think it can be ignored that the title of e9 is derived from this line. Considering that, this line is evidently not meant to be a cutesy throwaway line between Cait and Vi, it has huge thematic weight and implications. If you think about the title “The Dirt Under Your Nails” in this context, it’s clear that it’s meant to refer to the fact that all of our characters have dirt under their nails. As in, their hands aren’t clean. They’ve all committed wrongs, because they’re all human, which is obviously a major theme of this season/show. The second part of this dialogue is “nothing’s gonna clean me out,” which fits with what Caitlyn says about how no amount of good deeds can undo those wrongs. This line is about accountability.

And there’s a reason why it’s Vi who says this line to Cait. The most obvious is that Caitlyn has wronged her, but it goes deeper than that. In e8, Vi asks Caitlyn who gets to decide who gets a second chance. There are multiple ways to interpret how this idea impacts the narrative. I’ve seen it said that Caitlyn allows Vi to free Jinx because in giving Jinx a second chance she also gives herself one, and that’s an important point for Caitlyn’s character, but I think Vi would’ve found a way to free Jinx no matter what. Cait just made it easy for her. What the narrative shows us is that Vi is the one who gets to decide who gets a second chance by having her decide to give one to both Jinx and Cait. I’ve seen people talk about how’s Vi’s role is that of the witness — to be the constant that observes all the change and corruption that happens around her, and to be burdened with the memory of all that has transpired. And that’s true, but there’s more to it as well. Remember this promotional poster? It has 3 different titles/captions associated with it (that I saw):

1) Horrors I’ve Seen

2) Everyone is Guilty, Vi

3) It’s Too Late to Point the Finger Now

The first one obviously reinforces Vi’s position as the witness. But the second two are about accountability. It always struck me that the second caption brings the collective guilt of our cast to Vi’s attention specifically. Now it makes sense: she is both witness and judge. The character with the “good heart,” the only one who remains largely uncorrupted/unchanged by the end. Who is motivated purely by her desire to protect while the vast majority of the characters around her are twisted by revenge and ambition. It’s absolutely intentional that she is the one who says that line.

[lilidawnonthemoon]

[danothan]

tough pill i have to swallow is realizing that “getting better” doesn’t mean “getting to do more things,” getting better for me means taking better initiative in protecting myself. and THAT means making sure i do LESS things

[dearjewels22]

Brace yourself. It WILL get dark. It WILL be hard. It WILL feel like eternity. But don't give up. You WILL come out better, stronger, wiser.

[not-poignant]

Hi! Hope you're doing well, good job on getting through December and here's to an easier January!, I just finished reading stain for like the third time in as many days as I just cannot put into words how bloody brilliant I find your writing!!! I personally really enjoy how beautifully stubborn you are about building the world around the inaction of the villagers and how Alex has this very strong opinion of "bro, you can't seriously expect me to know how to handle my shit when I've seen literally no example of any adult around me knowing how to handle their shit" it's so ridiculously refreshing to have a character who knows what they lack and has tried to learn from others but simply can't because there aren't any good examples around them and for the character (our beloved Alex) to find (through serious suffering) a way to deal as best as they can in a way that deals the least amount of damage to those they love but also when genuinely encouraged to try in a healthier way they do try and get some success (and reward) but they don't completely abandon their hard won way of survival/existance!!! And I guess in my own incredibly long winded way I wanted to ask if this sort of thing is was intentional? And if it's something you're gonna keep doing throughout the book??? (also I know it's not a question but I've gotta say, God damn your version of Sebastian is so goddamm good that he has become my canon for game Sebastian :D)

I wanted to ask if this sort of thing is was intentional?

It's not! (In fact, some of it I just outright disagree with you about, I'm sorry anon!)

To me, this just all seems like... /thinks/ basic or innate human behavour, so it's not something I'm consciously adding or sprinkling in.

But also I don't actually think Alex "knows what he lacks." I actually think he has a really poor and maladjusted self-concept, and has no idea what he lacks for the most part. For example, he didn't know he needed glasses until he got them. He doesn't know he has innate worth and value as a person. He doesn't know he has a right to better pay. He doesn't know

There's so many things where Alex's thoughts and behaviours contradict this idea that he knows what he lacks and just can't get it. For the most part, Alex doesn't know, and because of that, other people also don't know.

but also when genuinely encouraged to try in a healthier way they do try and get some success (and reward) but they don't completely abandon their hard won way of survival/existance!!!

This is not a positive!

This is not a good thing!

Anon, Alex's upbringing comes with very few positives and his habit of not talking about things due to brutality, or not opening up due to brutality, or learning "resilience" are not good qualities. Him defaulting back to that is a sign that he has very deep foundational patterning that's harmful to him, and not a sign that he's still choosing something "hard won."

It's not even choosing not to abandon it, Alex literally can't help but go back to what he knows even if it's incredibly damaging, because it was so damaging. Making good habits and thinking healthier thoughts is incredibly hard when your sense of self worth has been shattered by abuse. There's no 'hard won way of survival' there, that's just straight big T trauma.

[novadreii]

Mmm actually I think we do owe love and care to our loved ones! We do owe each other things sometimes! There is a duty of care in our relationships that we should do our very best to uphold. It's the basis for human connection? An informal agreement we have with someone dear to us that we will support and cherish them and not just when it's easy and in the ways that feel effortless to us but also in the ways that they feel most loved.

We owe each other consideration. We owe each other a chance to chime in on important things and we should not make unilateral decisions. We owe each other reassurance sometimes too! Gasp!

I know that we're unlearning our generational trauma collectively but what's the point if we draw such hard boundaries around ourselves that nobody is let in, and nobody is helped, loved or considered when they really need it?

What is the point of being connected to another human being if it's understood between the two of you that if shit hits the fan, they are loyal only to themselves and you can get fucked?

I get it. We need to be self-sufficient. We can't rely on someone to the point of falling apart when they leave the house. But entering into a relationship or close friendship (or nurturing our existing familial relationships that are healthy) is a declaration that we CAN but don't WANT to be 100% self-sufficient anymore. We'd like to outsource a portion of our bandwidth to the other person. And in exchange, we take on some of theirs. It can't be rainbows all the time: again, most of us are traumatized by our parents in some way. We have behaviours that make us unpleasant sometimes! But why does that necessarily mean that we cut each other off when we show symptoms? When we actually need to cash in on some support the most? Where pray tell lies the nuance between "cut off abusive people who have no intention of changing" and "sometimes our loved ones can act ugly on the road to healing, but as long as they commit to bettering themselves I will see them through it"???? Does the latter not exist at all?

The act of caring and being cared for is one of the only fucking things we have left that can sustain our hearts in this bleak world. If you don't want to be burdened with the expectation of reciprocation in your relationships then what is the point of seeking connection? You are missing a fundamental fucking variable.

[petit-papillion]

Charles wrote a column after the F2 race in Baku in 2017. He gives some interesting insights into how his racing mind works. However, proceed with caution (and bring tissues!).

Some bits that stood out for me:

Strangely, it was also probably the most difficult moment of the weekend emotionally. After the pole lap, it was quite bad sitting in my car with my helmet on, because I was thinking about my father, and it was tough. It was qualy laps every lap to try to get back as many positions as possible, to try to win the race. When I saw the gap in front after passing Artem, I knew it would be very hard, perhaps impossible. I had to push like crazy, and that's what I did; I took huge risks every lap to catch up as much as possible and try to get two wins. I'm glad [the Austria GP] is coming up soon, because I think racing is helping me a lot to go through these difficult times. Obviously it will never bring my father back, but at least I can try to do my best on track, try to honour him the best way I can. I think I'm working harder than ever to try to make the best results as I can, to thank him, in a way, for everything he has taught me, for the making me the driver I am today.

[dykephan]

there was probably a library of alexandria scale deleting of old photos after the **** vid was leaked and the thought of that makes me sick… imagine files of 2009 photos getting deleted because they were worried that those could be leaked somewhere too

somehow i have never considered this as a possibility but you're so right :( i would hope that, being as sentimental as he is, phil would have saved them externally somewhere.. but i also know how it feels to be so embarrassed and heartbroken that you can't stand to look at your own memories anymore and you want to get rid of every single thing that could be used against you. it's only when you look back on it in hindsight that you realize fear took so much away from you :(

[unriding]

Me sneaking into your asks with this drabble:

Disclaimer: I have yet to get a good grasp of Moze's character so this might be a bit OOC and on your side as well (sorry). I did my best. Also, this was inspired by the post you made abt telling Moze your tasks for the day | 600+ words (not proofread)

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.

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In Moze's eyes, you reminded him of a dog catching a case of the zoomies.

You were quite literally everywhere. He'd find you talking to someone one moment before you're rushing off to do something else entirely the next. It seemed like you had quite a lot on your plate as of recently. Tasks, things you wanted to do, and so much more spinning around that mind of yours. You've told him a bit of your plans so he has a general idea. But seeing you juggling all of those tasks at once makes both admiration and concern bloom in his chest.

One time, Moze found you carrying a box filled with items. It would've been amusing to him how comical it was that the items piled so high— he could barely see you behind it. However, he did worry right after given how you almost tripped over something. He managed to catch you and the items before both came crashing all over the floor.

He insisted on helping you carry the items to wherever its destination was. It took a bit of pursuasion on his side. Convincing you that it truly wasn't a bother to him at all, and that he'd be very much glad to be of assistance to you.

"I need to get these delivered first. Then go stop by the shop to buy some things. After that…" You go on to ramble about the things you had to do to help get a better vision on what else you had to do. "Oh, no… I messed up." The smile on your face dropping at the thought that had slipped your mind until that moment. "I forgot to invite Jiaoqiu to dinner with the others—"

"It's tomorrow evening, right? He knows. I mentioned it last time when I spoke to him." Moze says with a calm tone.

You blink at him, slightly caught off-guard by the man beside you. Though it's immediately replaced with relief and gratitude. The smile on your face already back, lighting up your features once more. Infectious as always, it makes the corners of his lips tug upwards as well. A small part of him feels quite proud to have been able to help you ease your worries even by a bit.

And this is when you start noticing it.

Did you mention that you're running out of a certain skincare product, but you can't find the time to stop by the store to buy it? Moze conveniently has to stop by near the store and buys it for you. Did you also mention that you wanted to do a certain task but keep forgetting about it? He gently reminds you about it via message or verbal if he's nearby. Did you also happen to mention that you've been meaning to try out a certain desert from a cafe, but the schedule simply doesn't seem to allow you? No fear, he passes by the store to buy you the treat.

Moze doesn't see you as someone incapable of handling things by yourself. To him, he simply sees it as a way to show his care. If making a quick stop somewhere, sending you a small reminder of something you had to do that day, or even helping you out with the tasks you need to accomplish, makes you smile? Gives you a chance to take a break? Let you worry less about the things you need to do? It's worth it in his eyes.

He does his best to avoid making you feel like you're bothering or troubling him (you really aren't). Most of the time, he does them discrcetly and casually. Partially, since he's also scared that you'll think he's weird or a creep for acting like that.

Please don't think of him badly.

Moze truly means well.

[fizermusic]

Hard Times Blues by Ethan Steele

[annieisyourfavourite]

very grateful for all the people scraping hope from wherever they can find it. i am having an incredibly difficult time feeling hopeful rn. so until i can. I am leaning on everyone else who is doing it rn

[lilidawnonthemoon]

10 YEARS WITH GFRIEND 🤍🩵💜

January 16th 2015

« I may seem like a clear glass bead but I won’t break that easily »

[artemistorm]

Having a hard time with the whole queerphobe situation. Could use all the hugs I can get.