#resident: rikku | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nostalgiachan · 2 years ago

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Not sure why I’ve been staggering these and not just posting them at the same times as the ones on my twitter, but whatevs. More OC redraws!

Character lore below the cut!

#25: Al (formerly Alucard) Idea: Calm, cool sneakster and assassin Story: Year Zero

Despite his name, Al was not intended to be a vampire. I feel like there's one of two reasons Teen Nost named him Alucard:

1) She hadn’t quite realized Alucard backwards was Dracula

2) She knew and she didn't care, she just liked the name that much.

But that wasn't the only goofy thing she gave this young man - she also introduced him wearing what was basically the OMG hat from Gaia Online because she definitely thought that hat was cool.

Anyway, as for his actual presence in the story, Alucard is a resident of the Outer City and a member of the growing rebellion. He and his younger sister, Rez, serve as Taris's most trusted scouts, infiltrators, and assassins. Most of their trips are spent observing the massive wall between the Inner and Outer City, though they've made trips deeper into the city and even breached the White Tower on occasion.

On a trip around the Outer City, he happened to run into Sin, who had come on his own to have a little think about the state of things. Thanks to this chance encounter, Al would later recognize Sin's near-lifeless body when he and his sister later broke into the White Tower to steal building layouts and batteries for Taris's superweapon. He would also be the one to vouch for having him join the rebellion rather than killing him outright.

Unfortunately, I'm a little fuzzy on what else he gets up to in the rest of the plot; from what I remember, his main relevance was getting Sin and the parts for the weapon out of the Tower. He’s definitely present and survives to the end, tho.

#26: Navila "Rez" Idea: Basically Rikku, but with more sneaky-beaking and less tinkering Story: Year Zero

Ah, another character with Albel Nox hair tubes. While I tended to give characters relatively realistic hairstyles, if there was any impractical hair detail I loved (and still love) to use, it's hair tubes.

Like her older brother Al, Rez is a combination scout/thief/assassin, though she's much more cheerful about it overall; she's a little ditzy at times and likes to annoy her brother like any younger sibling, even while staring down a hallway covered in blood and corpses. She's also apparently pretty strong, considering she was the one to pick up Sin's body, hoist it over her shoulder, and carry it out of the White Tower. For reasons that I don't remember and never got around to writing down, she doesn't like when Al calls her by her real name, Navila.

And similarly to her brother, I don't really know what she gets up to in the rest of the story beyond participating in the fighting and surviving to the end. If I ever get around to tinkering with this story more, I want to play around more with the fact that Rez is a fifteen or sixteen year old girl with zero qualms about killing people.

#27: Taris Kokoro Idea: Mysterious rebellion leader, twin sister of Hime for whatever reason Story: Year Zero

Taris, like Mulore and Neros, is one of those characters that I've had some time to think about and was generally able to come up with much better ideas for.

What little knowledge I still have of her is that she is the leader of the rebellion against G and the Inner City and she wears head to toe bandages to hide her appearance. She also happens to be the twin sister of Sin's colleague, Captain Hime. Now, I don't know what came first, the fact that she's covered in bandages or the fact that she's Hime's twin, since apparently I hadn't originally intended her to be bandaged; I'd originally wanted to give her an eyepatch, but apparently I couldn't figure out a hairstyle that worked with the eyepatch, so I gave her full-on bandages instead and gave her the detail that she was hiding the fact she's Hime's identical twin.

Why did I make her Hime's twin? Fuck if I remember, aside from trying to work in some kind of love triangle between Taris, Sin, and Hime.

As I've revisited the well over the years, I came up with a few changes for Taris here; chief among them is making the whole "being Hime's twin" thing a bit more meaningful. Still working on that one. But aside from that, I now see her as much more of an extremist than I think I'd originally intended. I want her to go whole-hog "We are wiping out the Inner City, fuck it all".

#28: Lord Gerardis (aka G) Idea: Megalomaniacal dictator who goes even nuttier somehow Story: Year Zero

The initial antagonist of our story, Lord Gerardis (pronounced like Boyardee, lol) is the dictator in control of the city of Lacryma; apparently, he was elected to this position, and I presume he used his time in office to pull a forcible government restructuring and turn it into a dictatorship. Under his rule, the city became divided into the affluent Inner City, whose citizens lived a tightly controlled, yet blissful and pampered life, and the Outer City, who were hideously abused, neglected, and left to suffer from Lacryma's permanent winter.

But G's apparent ambitions didn't stop with turning Lacryma into a dystopian hellscape; he wanted to do it to the whole world. But the technology and human resources at his disposal wouldn't really be enough to get the job done; too many extended battles meant too many resources used and too much time for the Inner City citizens to get the idea that maybe they didn't like what he was doing. No, he needed some real blitzkrieg shit. So, he started up his human weapon project, resulting in the creation of Sin.

24 years after Sin's birth, as G was planning an expansion of the city, his workers informed him of the discovery of a strange glowing tree that they couldn't remove. G and his posse arrived on the scene, and as soon as G saw the man buried within the tree, he was overcome with a sort of madness. He pulled the man, who he dubbed Absolution, out with his bare hands, stuffed him in his limo, and took him back to the White Tower.

Now, apparently G already knew what he needed to do to revive Absolution from his arboreal state. Why? Had he been visited by dreams of the beautiful tree man? Did someone happen to tell him a legend of a creature with the power to create life from nothing?

Fuck if I know, I didn't write it down and I probably didn't even really have a reason for it. He just knew about Absolution and decided he was going to use Sin and Absolution in tandem to blitz every other city he could find and rebuild them to his liking.

As mentioned before, Sin found out, went on a tear through the labs, and tried to shank Absolution before G came to the rescue and stabbed the living fuck out of Sin. Picture Senator Armstrong vs. Raiden, except Armstrong's older and has a sword and the whole thing's a lot less cool and a lot more dorky. G promptly fucks off to who knows where with Absolution and works to get the man woken up.

We don't see him again until our heroes have managed to fight their way up the White Tower, at which point Absolution decides he's tired of listening to G rant and rave about his ambitions and kills the fuck out of him.

As for potential rejiggering, the most obvious needed change is his motivations, how he put Lacryma in its current state, and the genesis of his plans for Sin and Absolution. I didn't go over this in Sin's description (I was tired, weeeeeegh), but in his reworking, I wanted him to be of the same mysterious species as Absolution. Thus, maybe G found out about them at the same time, but found Sin first, and that's why he had tools in place for reviving Absolution. Perhaps he also had some sort of mental conditioning and implanted memories that he was able to apply to Sin, but couldn't do the same to Absolution because Sin came a-knockin' too early.

I'll workshop it.

#my art #100 oc challenge #oc redraw #original characters #pencil art #traditional art

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themelodicenigma · 4 years ago

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I was talking to someone on in light of my recent post about shipping mindsets (non-blood related sibling shippers), and we got into an interesting conversation about sibling relationships. Basically, what does it REALLY mean to be siblings, outside of the literal, genetic definition.

The way I see it, it’s all about “recognition” and “functionality”, which creates the commentary on how this relationship is presented and identifiable in fiction, not to mention between real life people. “Recognition”, in a sense, happens on the individual level, but can either be funneled through what otherwise is already established in society—this being what makes it something to BE identified by the individual—and/or, it can be gained and tailored by personal experience by said individual.

In other words, “What it means to be a sibling” is going to be dependent upon what can be understood through an established concept and/or an individual’s recognition of this concept’s functionality.

What? Expecting me to say: “Oh, it’s people who do this and this and this and this together...”? Yeah well, whatever I’d list down, it’d more than likely just be a component of what the “true” answer is, which is going to be interchangeable depending on who you ask and what they essentially recognize as a sibling relationship. It makes you wonder then, is there really a definitive answer? I don’t know if I can truly say yes in a way beyond the literal (especially in having a relationship as opposed to only just being siblings by fact), but what can be observed and compared are the commonalities between people’s recognition of this functionality. Somewhere between that is where a general answer can be noted.

You’ll find this common for most things, whether about romance, siblings, family, personality traits, themes, etc.—how many times have you heard: “well I wouldn’t do that” or “this is totally this” or just simply, “I see it this way”. Be a part of any Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Supernatural, etc.—ANY fandom, really and for more than just shipping. You’ll see this eventually.

Recognition of functionality. If it’s congruent with how someone can recognize it, then that’s what they’ll see it as. “I calls it like I sees it”, and all that.

This can go in a way of even symbolism or subtext that requires “pre-knowledge” outside of the text. These things are used a certain way because people decided it to...well, be understood a certain way. I mean, the color white being a symbol for this or that didn’t just happen out of thin air—this patterned usage and understanding was passed down as a way to be recognized and further utilized a particular way. More simple than that, like for adult jokes—these are purposely written in a way for an adult to understand because they’re expected to have the knowledge available to do so, where a child otherwise normally wouldn’t.

If we’re thinking about how do we get there—recognition—I tend to think about how the world essentially establishes these things as concepts to be understood.

“What it means to be [blank]”

Some societies differ on these things, of course, but even through the knowledge that different parts of the world might have, what you’d say, an “alternate criteria” to define these things—it’s evident to the idea of how our views on things are part of a wider establishment to be understood and recognized in a particular manner.

To break it down, the most basic understanding of what a sibling is comes from the literal—your brother or sister, whether by genetic means or lawful. Beyond that, there lies a function of which this typically happens—you’re reared together as a family, foundationally under platonic connections. Of course these two things don’t always coexist for some people seeing as people can have biological siblings that they weren’t raised with or have an adopted sibling that they’re raised with. But, when these two factors do coexist, then we easily go into what can be experienced within the function of being raised as siblings. The sibling function can even include the mentioned adopted siblings, where they hold the title officially and are reared despite the lack of genetic connection.

That’s where most of if not all the common tropes people think of originate.

But why do you even think of these as “tropes”?

This can either come from personal experience, or that of what you’ve, essentially, been taught through external means, such as media or other people’s experience—this is where establishment happens.

We grow up forming this palette of ideas that we use as a means to recognize the established concept here—which I believe media/fiction is a major influence in how the concept is widely spread to those on a very basic level. In a way, it might even determine the outcome of how people THINK they should act if in accordance to the concept.

“I grew up understanding this is what [blank] means, so therefore not only will it be how I recognize it, but it’ll also be the way in which I believe it should be expressed.”

Most people don’t think about this so intentionally, but if you start to wonder about the reasons as to WHY you think the way you do, this thought will eventually arise in some form or fashion. It’s almost kind of a “chicken or egg” scenario—is the way society thinks about sibling relationships based on the individuals thinking it first, or is it based on what’s represented as a collective and THEN given to the individual to essentially learn?

Ehh, kind of both, really.

For instance, in real life, why would someone get to the point of calling a friend a brother or sister? What would give them the idea to even do this?

One could point to personal experience: what an individual recognizes in association of “family” can be placed on other people, and if that individual has the thought process that has a “criteria” for what it means to be a sibling, they’ll thus place this where they see fit if they can recognize the criteria being met with that friend. It could even be more straight forward through their already existing sibling—if the relationship is similar, then it just naturally falls into place to call this friend of yours a sibling too.

For the second point, media/fiction is well known for painting the picture here:

“Got a friend who you’re really close to and have platonic feelings for [function]? Then they’re like a sibling to you!”

It isn’t advertised this way of course, but when you see this essentially represented in the information that you consume, an individual will then have that become a part of their palette to be recognized in their own or other people’s relationships. This definitely happens with romance A LOT.

You could have best friend you’re really close to, and maybe they’re like a sibling to you, but that doesn’t seem to stop this annoying kid from pointing out how you “look like a couple” or should “hook up already”. Through either or both of these points, a person can gain the idea to recognize these concepts for themselves, even if by the fact they may be wrong in what exactly is happening.

In fictional material, I believe judging this is typically much easier than it would be in real life. This is mostly due to the fact it’s just so much more...deliberate, whether it’s explicit or subtle, for how a writer does their thing. A writer is just another individual who has their own palette that they’ll express through their work—it either lines up with your own or it doesn’t. What tends to interfere with recognition is context (wooo!), where there lies a flexibility to manipulate the things that otherwise would be identified a different way—symbolism can be a great example, like through the use of motifs that are unique to a story. I never get tired of saying “context is key”, or better yet, “let context be your guiding key”, for my fellow Kingdom Hearts fans.

True love’s kiss? Romantic at it’s core, right? But then Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) comes and uses Maleficent’s true love for Aurora to represent this platonically instead. Frozen does this with with Elsa and Anna for their “Act of True Love”. Hell, I’ve even actually seen the “Jian Bird” representation used to convey the close, existential bond between sisters in a manhwa called “The Gamer”. The key thing is that the concepts here go beyond the connotation it might be widely known for, and thus allows the context to manipulate it for another recognizable meaning. Sometimes this isn’t even really a deviation of meaning—people just sometimes don’t understand how flexible some elements always were in general for how they can be recognized and utilized in fiction or real life.

“Oooh they hugged!! Romance is in the air! OH. MY. GOD. They smiled at each other toooo?!?! It has officially sailed guys.”

....uh, you DO know hugs aren’t limited to that, right? Right?.....Please say right.

Oh boy.

What we know and recognize might not always line up with the context of which the meaning resides, hence why you might have some people shipping characters with a sibling or other platonic relationship—the individuals doing so have found something represented between the characters to be congruent with their personal recognition of romance, even if the actual context is different for the character’s relationship. Sora and Riku, Aqua and Ven, Fang and Vanille, Yuna and Rikku, Noctis and Prompto, Fina and Dark Fina, Tanjirou and Nezuko, Sam and Dean, Ponyboy and Sodapop, Steve and Bucky, Elsa and Anna, Rapunzel and Cassandra—boy, I’ve seen it all and can go on forever. All are examples of relationships that have expressions where a fan might say “hey, I see it this way”, but if what they recognize for themselves is meant to be recognized in a different way via the context....

Conflict breeds catastrophe (Thanks Vision).

Most shipping tension in fandom then comes from whether or not a recognition of something is based on the individual or is based on the material conveying it on its own to be recognized as such. That’s about when terms like “canon” starts being thrown around willy-nilly. What we recognize and what the context is are two things that either line up, or they don’t, and thus we have the pool of interpretations that have a go at each other, some being fierce, meaningless fights and some being pretty great discussions that can often show the flexibility of a context’s meaning. This does line up with something I mentioned before in another post about subtext, and this is certainly related. A big question would be that, if what is in the context is meant to be recognized a certain way, was it REALLY presented in a way to, well, be recognized as what it claims to represent?

That breeds a larger conversation towards the establishment and meaning of all the individual things in question and how either context determines its meaning or if the subject inherently retains a specific meaning. e.g. holding hands or hugging doesn’t mean romance in every context, but confessing you “like like” (lol) someone will “always” have an association with romance or sexual nature...

You know, until someone has the interesting idea to have two people “like like” each other platonically because, you know....recognition?

There are maybe some things you can count on to mean certain things because, a real life person had to have written it and more than likely has at least some similar recognition patterns shared with their primary audience. Chances are, they wouldn’t be an individual who grew up in a place where their understanding of reduplication is opposite to, well, everyone else. But you never know, I guess. Again, there lies that point about subtext (here is the post, in case anyone is wondering) where you might be able to argue that, pretty much, a writer can make a mistake in their writing and mess up the whole process of recognizing elements within a context unintentionally, where it wouldn’t really BE subtext anymore.

Other than that, most people’s issues with recognition is interlaced with their ability to identify what these elements are. Between context and what can be understood as “established meaning”, usually the answer can be discerned if the writer is truly creating something to be understood by other people. That’s where authorial intent and THEIR recognition starts to be considered the most by the audience.

Buuuuut I’m gonna stop there.

I’m probably more rambling at this point, but it is an interesting and WIDE subject, so it is to be expected. It’s fun stuff.

#final fantasy #kingdom hearts #supernatural #frozen #shipping #fandom #tangled #demon slayer #fiction #subtext #final fantasy xiii #final fantasy xv

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hedgewitches · 8 years ago

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top ten female video game characters

#gamingedit #heather mason #sheva alomar #aloy #elena fisher #ellie #rinoa heartilly #alice elliot #rikku #lady maria of the astral clocktower #sasha #my gifs #i get so mad that i have to put resident evil 5 only for sheva #PUT HER IN EVERY GAME CAPCOM #REDO ALL THE GAMES AND PUT HER IN IT #I'LL EXCEPT IT

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hotelofheroines · 9 months ago

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"Ooooh!!! I wanna feel!!!"

"Oh!" She jumped, hands on her belly as she eventually sank back into her chair. "They're kicking."

#themxtleycrew #resident: rikku

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agentjadelance · 4 years ago

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Active Muses(other than my main muse duh)

Others can be active under request

Rikku (Final Fantasy X& X-2 Character)

Tatia Campbell - Being Human Us Oc

Emma Duval - Mtv Scream

Amanda Prentiss - Criminal Minds/Daredevil Oc

Isabelle Blanchimont - Being Human Us Oc

Sally Sergeant - Being Human Us OC(Young Fc:Willa Fitzgerald)

(Muses with that fc that are Active)

Juno Eclipse (Star wars the force unleashed)

Guinevere Beck (YOU)

Stephanie Brown (DC)

(Muses with that Fc)

Kayla Birkin (Resident Evil OC)

Yuna Braska (FINAL FANTASY AU PORTRAYAL)

Emma Duval (Adult au)

Maeve Donovan (Criminal Minds-Au Portrayal)

Barbara Bloome (Smallville OC)

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 3 years ago

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The Adventures of Squall

Squall's observations. Hmm. I don't know what Rinoa wants me to do. I guess I'll ask Eli for his notes and just give them to her. *knock knock* "Cheerio good boy, may I help you with anything?" "Do you have notes on that thing Christian was talking about?" "Ahh you've came to the right residence, just let me....hold on just a moment..." He began digging through piles of loose paper, flipping through notebooks, all whilst mumbling to himself. "Alas! Here is one of my more rudimentary charts, but it shall accomplish what you're intial questions preface." It was hard to concentrate, he was talking very fast and using a lot of words that I didn't know. Akio says because of my ASD I sometimes get what he calls "verbal dyslexia" and it's hard for me to comprehend what other people are saying, especially if they talk different from me. I'll have to concentrate very hard if I don't want Rinoa mad at me again. "But see this is where it gets confusing, we have many great forces here, coincidence? Doubtfully so, but these overlapping characteristics I believe have come here for a reason. Many of our members, including myself, have had interactions with Christos, Christian you call him, and I can't imagine why he would let so many familar faces corner him in the same scenario, unless of course he had a plan for each individual. See, I believe..." He pulled out a chair for me that I sat in. I took out my notebook so I could remember what to tell Rinoa. "If you look here on this chart.." he pulled out a large beige canvas with several pictures pinned to it, threads of twine connecting different ones. "First you see here that Christos comes to my noble world and plants himself as Cyrus, the destroyer of worlds. He taints Noah and I am his right hand man. He tells me a great many things, we can go into later. Do realize this isn't in chronilogical order, I have no way of telling yet the timeline of all our respective worlds. "Next he plants himself as an alien, "Jenova" he calls it on Gaia and and infects the whole planet. The only one to save it was Aerith who possesses extrodainary spiritual powers. She was the last chance tho and aside from her sacrifice Geostigma went on beyond her time..." "His next target, alas, Thomas. A young, troubled boy whom Christian fictionalized a companion for. An alter ego of sorts and made thomas believe it was himself. I believe he might have been weak and needed a human body to recover on. At some point Christian went to Aiden and found him by the Sanguis River, which is the border between our world and ubi requiescit dolor or "where sorrow rests. I haven't been able to spot where he showed up in Harry's world, but I do know he was there at some point. He likely was only a death eater of no great importance. Same with Roxas, Christian probably took the form of a nobody, which of course begs the question...." It was really hard for me to take notes as fast as he talked. I was really tryign to spell words better to get in the habit of it. Reading was easy for me, but writing made me nervous. I'll just get the names and maybe i'll remember. "can one become a nobody without having a form first? Perhaps that's it. He was a formed human on one planet and when he was almost destroyed at some theroetical part, he latched onto Thomas but only came back as a nobody which of course is an allusion. Details, details, but where were we? Oh yes, next on his infamous walk through time was of course Aangs world where he brought the powers of darkness to a seemingly balanced world, probably dating back to around...." I needed to yawn, but it seemed rude. I wonder how he knew all of this. He seemed confused himself. Maybe I should talk to some other people. Rinoa will be mad if I only talk to him. I should have gotten more information earlier.

“And of course Akio’s unfortunate fate with him, presenting himself as illusions to drive the man mad I’m sure. I do believe he could do that, his evil seems endless.” He paused and looked around at all his charts and papers. this will be a good time to excuse myself. "I have to use the restroom, excuse me" He didn't seem to notice me leave, he kept talking and looking at his papers. While I was walking I saw Harry with a plastic cup pressed up to a door. As I walked closer to him he dropped the cup and ran. I went to the kitchen. "Hey Zack" He was drinking really fast out of a big water bottle. Some of it was spilling on his black shirt. "Heya buddy, I broke 20 in 80, my new personal best. Gotta love the summer time." "What?" "Oh 20 miles in an hour and 20, a 4 minute average." "...." "So do you know anything about why we had to go to Camp A and Camp B?" "Ulquiorra seemed pretty on edge, everyone getting riled up like that. Maybe it's time for the old man to retire!" "What about the dark world place?" "I don't know much about that, but I tell you I sure don't know want to get to know it better if you know what I mean. Anyways bud, lactic acid builds on stiff muscles, gotta do my cool down." He then clapped me a little hard on the back, it was sort of uncomfortable, then left the room. I continued walking around looking for someone else to talk to. Rikku is on the couch watching a cartoon called the Powerpuff Girls. She is flossing on the couch? Why isn't she in the bathroom. I'll wait until she's done. I'll wait around the corner so she doesn't know I saw her doing it. After about 70 second she dropped the floss on the ground. There was a garbage can right on the table, but I guess she didn't see it.

"Hey" "Uhhh hey..." Her eyes never left the screen. "Do you know anything about the dark spirit place Christian was talking about?" "Hmmm, there was this one story Buddy used to tell us to scare us, it seems like the same thing and i don't know with all this world collide bs i wouldn't surprised if it's the same. "Do you know the story?" "I don't know ask Buddy, i'm busy." "..." Okay I wonder where Buddy is. I heard a basketball hit the basket outside. Sometimes we play basketball together. "Yo, yo, yo man 3 on 3, pussy slayers vs bitch playas." "AW SHIT" "wooof woof woof" "Which ones which?" asked Aang. "My brutha you knows yous a slaya!" on that they bumped their fists together. "I guess that means i'm with you guys" Tifa said and smiled. That means I'm on Adam's and Riku's team. I played basketball up to 21 points. My team lost. I'm good at making baskets, but not as much at passing and working with my team. "Aight, aight, how bout a smoke break and then maybe we'll give ya'll a rematch." As they all began to disperse, I walked up to Buddy. "Rikku said you could tell me a story about the dark place." "Rikku tol you that?" "Yes. The one you use to tell her." He looked both ways and then straight at me. "I don know nuthin about no story." "Okay, sorry." I guess I better ask someone else. I was getting tired. I should have done this earlier, but I see Rinoa tomorrow. I think it would be a good idea to ask Thomas. I'll see if he's in his room. *knock knock* He opened the door slow, but wide and stared at me. "Can you tell me anything about the dark place." He looked surprised and happy. Akio tells me sometimes people's facial expressions don't always show what they mean, but it's a good indicator if I'm confused. I think he wants me to come in. He was sitting in his computer chair and he had clothes folded on his bed so I don't want to sit there and get them dirty. "I find it rather odd you're the one asking me this question. Eli wasn't surprising one bit, but it's not like he'd listen if I did tell him anything." "So you don't know anything?" "Don't know anything? Yeah right. I know everything that I need to. And ultimately however this goes, there's nothing left for me to lose." "...." "I must admit it does get rather boring having to hold back such genius in my mind. Feigning ignorance on all matters that go on here just to be able to thrive. This truly is the best case scenario for me and I know i'm not alone." He was frowning now. I didn't say anything so I know he probably isn't mad at me. I've learned that most people just keep talking if you say nothing. It helps a lot because I usually have nothing to say. "Are you looking for the nitty gritty, the gory details, or simple how're you're involved?" "Rinoa wanted to me to ask people about it. She thinks we're being lied to." "HAH. Just now she thinks she's been lied to?? Foolish girl." "Rinoa is smart." "Perhaps she is, all the same it's all clouded by her ego." "....." "So rinoa wants to know about the dark world they've after all this time brought up. You have to know though, Simon wouldn't have brought it up if there wasn't some gain to him, some strategic reason for his timing. He's a puppet master, he probably knew you would be here talking to me. It's all going just to his plan.....or perhaps he thought I would kick you out and that would keep him advantageous. But he knew that i'd knew that he was planning that." I was getting pretty confused. "Who's Simon?"

He frowned at me. "He's Christian." "Okay." "That's right "Christian" has had many names, many forms. He's wormed his way into many of lives and took everything they had with them. A leech. Of course a leech needs to eat too." I had been in his room almost 15 minutes. It was probably time to talk to someone else. "The dark world, purgatory, the eternal space, the fog, every world has a different name for it. Some are ignorant, but most know that not everyone gets the "good death". It's origin is beyond me, but I know what it is now. And I know he wants to go there. He's looking for something. Or maybe he's helping someone else." "I have to go now." "Then go, i'm not keeping you if that's what you thought" Thomas sneered at me. "..." *door shuts* As I left Thomas's room, Zidane came in really quickly from the front door. He looked really skinny these days. He pulled off his knapsack and begin looking for something deep within it. I don't know why he still uses his old knapsack, a good messenger bag would look a lot nicer and be a lot less stressful on his shoulders. "OKAY DADDY'S HOME, who wants to party???" As people began pouring into the dining room, they gathered around as he poured a large bag of cocaine out onto the clean glass table top. I remembered when I went fishing the other day how when I dropped bread crumbs in little fish would swarm to all try and get the food at once. It reminded me of that. I used to do cocaine sometimes with Irvine and his friends, but Akio says that it might make my OCD and ASD worse. I didn't want to mess with it, I had already had a stressful day. That's good enough for now. I'll just go to bed and maybe in the morning someone will talk about it and I won't have to ask. I did my bedtime rituals in the normal order, brush teeth, clean face, comb hair, change out of all clothes into two pairs of fresh underwear, socks, and pajamas. It was nice tonight I could turn off the air conditioner. I rested my head on the pillow. The cocaine was making everyone rowdy and I could hear it. Great I could hear Aiden yelling from his room that was right next to mine, on the side my bed was pushed against. I've asked Garnet multiple times if he could switch rooms, but she says no one wants his room cause it smells like blood and has a bunch of holes in the walls. And I was definitely not going to switch my room, everyone was right in it, it didn't need to change. I don't want to spy on people, but last time I said I wouldn't do what Rinoa wanted she threatened to not talk to me for a month. Instead, she talked, or more so bitched, the entire month at me, never letting me have some peace and quiet. I don't want that again.

I took out my nightly form to see how I’’m doing and filled it out.

Anxiety: 8/10

Mood: 6/10

Insomnia: 2/10

OCD: 7/10

Triggers: Talking to people, missing lunch because no one would leave the kitchen, having to ask questions, shoe lace breaking and not having a replacement.

Medication issues: None

Overall: 6/10

He kept yelling, but I could hear another voice too. He often talked to himself so at least when someone else was there, it was only half yelling. I really didn’t want to do it, but I felt Rinoa demanding me why I didn’t. I didn’t like lying to her.

I remembered Harry earlier. I poured my water cup out and pressed my ear against the bottom of it. "Denny if that's the case, what do you have to lose?" "EVERYTHING. DON'T YOU GET IT!!! I've been waiting too long for you to FUCK things up." "Well I do admire your dilligence Denny, you truly never give up." "I will never give up, I will never stop until things are right." "Being when you have Jenn back?" "NO SHIT. All you are is a pawn. There is no other reason you're here." "The life of a king or the life of a pawn, really only is affected by perspective. I take my place with pride and am grateful for whatever else life I get to cherish." "I've waited long enough, i'll wait forever, but I sure as fuck don't want to." "Aside from your said goals, I am curious, did J really return from there?" "Fuck if I know. It has nothing to do with me." "There feels as if there is things you aren't telling me Denny." "WELL HOW THE FUCK DID IT GO LAST TIME I DID." "Please.....I want to help." "As long as Christian holds up his end of the deal, I won't need to use you. And he has the same goal." "I get the feeling you two are not alone in your quest. Are there others?" "Yeah but they're not important really. Just gotta an eye on them." "Even more useless than I?" "No one could be more useless than you." "Ahh how appropriate I and Lana are spending our time in this waiting room together, both readily discardable part of the larger schemes of the world. I've never felt quite so zen before." "haha maybe they should bring Liza around and see how well you two get along." "I believe they would get along splendidly. they like the same music, both androgenous yet stunningly feminine, thrill seeking." "Ur forgetting one thing, cock makes bitches crazy, look at Jenn and Yuna. They'd be the best friends in the world if Yuna hadn't sucked my dick." "And by Jenn, you mean that girl masaqurading as your girlfriend?" "Watch it fucker." "I'm only stating your sentiment seems strangely misplaced seeing Yuna is in real danger whereas "Jenn" is only what you make her to be" "I don't think anything has to happen to her, but if it does she knew what she was getting into." "Yes, but that was a long time ago. A long time before now I would have sacrificed myself for your well being, do you think things are the same now?" ".......what do you mean..? but you....just said...WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN??????!!!!!!!" "I was only teasing Denny, of course I'm here at your service, seeing of course you are the sole reason I am here. I don't think it's wise to betray our gods." "Heh yeah right, I'm your fucking god." "Indeed I am in religious awe." "heh yeah sure. So fucker whatchu got in the briefcase." "Zidane went and filled my reservoirs, I'm back in business" "Hook it up bitch." "I wouldn't have it any other way." After that they started talking quieter in a way that didn't bother me, Finally I can go to sleep.

#cheeseskittles #squall

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