#reserving commentary for the tags

[cuppajj]

I made an x reader one shot for a friend and wanted to share it! I’m not confident in my writing to post it haha but I wanted you see anyway! ^^” but I hope you like it despite how ass my grammar is LMAO

You were in the Vanilla kingdom, tucked away in the palace. It was a bright sunny day, the wind calm with a pleasant breeze to break the heat of the morning sun. You awoke to the scent of vanilla, strong as it always was in this growing ‘kingdom’- at least that’s what you call it. Speaking of he, Saint Vanilla wasn’t present in the room. You shifted in the sheets of your bed, the scent of vanilla still lingering so he likely had checked in on you before leaving. Likely for morning sermon. You sighed as you took in the moment of peace you’ve been granted. It’s been rather hard staying in the vanilla kingdom, you missed home.. you missed having alone time. You could tell, that despite being physically alone, you were still being watched. The eyes the of the vanilla orchids always following you, even in your shared living space.

You were seized on a morning such as this one, the Saint taking great interest in you. You had spoken with him as Pure Vanilla, considered him a close friend even… those feelings must have carried over when he became a beast. He didn’t purify you on the spot. Instead, he opted to save you for last. You remembered it clearly.

The benevolent Saint Vanilla had you cornered in your own home, his lambs standing at the front doors, windows blocked with similar forces. His arms outstretched like a best friend member reuniting with you… except he wasn’t your dear friend anymore. He was someone else now- the sweet man you knew for years twisted into some.. beast. He took a step closer. The air tensing as you stared at his hands, his eyes calm despite the ever flowing tears. Until he finally spoke.

“Please forgive me, Bluebird.. for my soul is tainted with greed and selfishness. Your beautiful heart and mind deserve the freedom and safety of purification and as much as I know that, I cannot bring myself to go forward with your salvation.” He cooed softly, like how you would reassure a stray animal into approaching you. In a way, he sort of was. You pressed your back into the corner you sought protection in with no where else to go but to him. “I am afraid I cannot rescue you yet… but do not fret. Instead, you shall have the greatest honor of all, should you stay by my side. You shall witness my ascension, my deliverance as I rescue all of Earthbread!” His smile grew a touch warm as he finally closed the space between you, his arms wrapped around you now. He was warm… his robes of silk dances on your trembling skin. Despite the danger you faced, you were oddly.. calmed by his embrace. Though you couldn’t bring yourself to hug him back you were too terrified out of your mind to move- after all one wrong motion and you were as good as the dust that lingered on your shelving. He spoke up once more, “I hope you can forgive me and my selfish soul. I do promise to rescue you from this world one day.. you’ll be mine in this world and the next… I promise.” You could feel his tears stain your shoulder, but you refused to be fooled by such crocodile tears. He’s ‘purified’ entire civilizations- he was a beast but you were his lamb.

So against better judgment, you stayed in that bed, ever since that faithful day you aimed to change his views one step at a time and mend the broken man he’d become. Perhaps you can save the world from his ever gleaming kindness through peace. Though, as you reminisced and contemplated, the savior himself entered the room after sermon. Ah right… you slept through that. Though he was never upset, even now all he ever wore was a soft, welcoming smile.

“Ah. Good morning, little lamb.” He chuckled, walking over to your side of the bed and petting your hair. You on the other hand sat up finally after bed rotting and looked up at him, a smile on your face to match his. “Heh.. Good morning. Sorry I slept through another one of your… meetings.” You always hated calling them sermons despite what the lambs say. It felt too cultish- you were still denial that’s what this was. “Oh, don’t worry your little head about it, orchid.. you need your sleep to stay as strong as always.” If you didn’t know any better, he was the gentlest and kindest soul ever. You wish that he was… “Thanks.. you’re always so understanding.” You sighed in minor relief, it’s not like you expected him to upset about it after all- he never really experienced anger like that as far as you knew. “How can I not be? Every soul is bound to make mistakes. It’s merely the nature of it. If getting extra sleep is what aids you in your strength and safety then so be it..”, He responded. As you two had your conversation, the Saint had found your cheeks and gently played with them. Holding your face his hands, gently massaging, and over all just being as physically affectionate as he usually was. His hands were usually used for killing so you theorized that he enjoyed having someone to hold without the need for them to turn to dust. Even if he believed it was a necessary sacrifice for the greater good of the soul it must be nice to have something- someone tangible. “Now then,” He spoke up, “Why don’t we get up and out of bed? We have a beautiful day ahead of us and I think a walk would do you some good, my little flower.”

✨

[thatswhatsushesaid]

nan feng for god's sake

[juniperhillpatient]

the only time I wish I had a significant other or even just a roommate is when I’m snacky enough for a bag of popcorn or mayhaps kettle corn but not enough for a whole bag & have to decide if I’m gonna a) waste half a bag b) languish in my snack cravings for the rest of the movie c) devour an entire bag & hate myself

[bengiyo]

Ben's Big BL Blurb 3: Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Blew It, But I Still Recommend It

I finished Blue Canvas of Youthful Days today, and I don’t like where we left off with this show. Let’s get into that, and then check in on some of the other shows I’m watching.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days Didn’t Give the Audience Catharsis

I don’t begrudge the show going for a happy ending, given how so many other BLs from their home country end with sudden traumatic turns. However, I don’t feel like we got catharsis from the ending at all. I struggle to full articulate my frustration here, but I think I just really wanted an ending akin to Weekend (2011) or Gameboys 2 (2022).

I think these two were in a position where they were unable to be together now, and I think they should have ended on a separation. When Cairo and Gav had to separate at the end of Gameboys, it was the correct choice. They were still building their lives, and Gav wasn’t doing well on his on. Similarly, Blue Canvas established a scenario whereby Qi Lu did not have the power to stop his father from harming Qin Xiao. Likewise, Qin Xiao couldn’t keep the local gang from beating Qi Lu.

I would have preferred they have the boys confront that they were hiding things from each other, and how they both failed to protect each other from the horrors. I am disappointed that we didn’t get a poignant goodbye from them as they accept that they can’t be together right now. I wouldn’t have minded so much a blurb at the end of the show with the pitch for a season 2 that they didn’t get to film (though @thisonelikesaliens commentary makes even what they wrote dour). We didn’t confront the issue with the dad at all, and we didn’t deal with Qin Xiao losing all he’d worked for.

Genuinely, I would have been okay with them getting a tag at the end of the show with them seeing each other on the street again and sharing a meaningful look. However, we never saw them face the music of their double noble idiocy, and that sucks. It especially sucks because we had Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo this year, and so we saw the consequences of this. We could have had these two railing against the world and promising to see each other again. The tag at the end of the reuse of the fantasy sequence feels tacked on and unearned. That kinda sucks more.

Final Verdict: 8, Recommended With Reservations. I really liked most of this show, and I think they wrote some phenomenal characters until the finale here. Like @lurkingshan I ended up not pleased with this ending. I am disappointed in the lack of resolution about the withholding, and I think they needed to face the separation and goodbye. However, I really liked the cast, and I respect the team that worked so hard to get this to us.

On to the rest of the show, presented in no particular order…starting with the worst. I’ll put in parentheses what episode number I’m on as of this post.

Haunted Hearts is Boring (5/7)

Magic, mah friend! Your show is boring. I do not know why these boys won’t kiss, and at this point I feel like I don’t care anymore. They’re introducing yet another ghost next week and I just am so disinvested. I try so hard every time to support Oxin Films and Regal Entertainment, but they make it so fucking hard. Holy shit. There’s only so far the boys being cute can carry a thin concept like this.

City of Stars is Better Than I Expected (2/12)

I am catching up on this show. The acting isn’t great, but I’m really enjoying a lot of what’s happening here. I will report back when I finish.

See Your Love is Fun But Kinda Weird (7/13)

The visuals are great in this show, and the leads are filling in the aesthetic gap left behind by Jimmy and Tommy in a way that really works for me. There’s been way too many pratfalls in the last two episodes. We are at 1.5 pratfalls per episode at this point. The side couple is absolutely ridiculous. I’m having fun.

Caged Again is Becoming a Favorite (4/10)

Junior is the best protagonist of the year. I’m obsessed with this penguin boy. I love the way this show uses its supernatural elements to drive its storytelling forward, even if I think the plot got a little silly in episode 4. The friend group dynamics are so fun, and I haven’t enjoyed a group of Thai boys this much since Knock Knock, Boys! (no surprise, two of them are in this show, too).

Your Sky is a Weekly Delight (3/12)

The 2gether rewrite show is great, and I will be reading no commentary to the contrary. These boys are so great, and they are one of the best couples of the year. This show is doing fake dating in a way that’s just so excellent, because it’s real dating! The boys are genuinely trying to get know each other so they can pretend to be a better fake couple. This is so close to being excellent meta commentary about dating in the digital age, and how so much of dating for the current generation is about how others perceive the validity of your relationship. It’s actually so fun to watch a show where the characters are doing all the things you’re supposed to do when you’re trying to build something with someone, but one of them doesn’t fully understand what they’ve gotten into. This show is great, and I love it.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan is so Slick (5/10)

If there’s one thing a Japanese drama is going to get right it’s trauma! This show delivered on Kai’s horrors in a way that was so visceral that I needed to pause and catch a breath. I remain obsessed with the casting of Nagatsuma Reo as Kai, because he’s taller than Suzuki Asahi sometimes. I really love that they didn’t give us the BL height difference trope, and I like that they didn’t style Kai in a way to make him look more feminine. There’s a egalitarian physical balance between Fuma and Kai that I find extremely refreshing, considering the massive class, wealth, and suffering gap between the two characters. It’s no surprise that we’ve had a dearth of gifs of their sex scene, considering it doesn’t play to the kind of asymmetric aesthetics that folks seem enjoy in their pairings.

As always, the Rei and Kai friendship remains one of the best parts of this story, and I like the way this version of Sky talks to this version of Rain about the queer stuff. He feels like he’s being careful with his friend, and not just ghosting him on important conversations about his friend’s sexual awakening (one of my major gripes with the original Thai adaptation).

Our Youth is Taking Over My Brain (4/11)

I have not moved on from the “Infect me” line, and I am still obsessed with the plausible deniability of the “no homo” that Hirukawa relies upon as he continues to pursue Minase. Now that Minase has reached his breaking point, I’m so looking forward to seeing where we go next. We’re due for a major separation, and I’m ready for a Japanese BL to not fuck up a second chance romance attempt this time. Perhaps adapting Korean work could the solution?

Spare Me Your Mercy is a Welcome Return to the Sammon Feeling I Enjoy (1/10)

I just really love when Sammon shows feel like the mystery matters more than the romance, and this feels like it’s in the correct space. I loved the initial setup, and the potential for there to be multiple murderers. I really hope that they start killing younger people in this show, because they said there were only 40 palliative care patients, and we downed three of them in the first episode. I’m so happy to see JJ again, and Tor looks great. I am looking forward to the weekly watch and theorizing with this show. Most importantly, I’m looking forward to the complex meditation on euthanasia, which this story feels like it’s taking seriously.

Love is Like a Poison Finally has Given Us a BL Battle Couple Again (11/12)

We haven’t had a BL battle couple in what feels like forever. I love that this show continues to reward us for believing in Haruto and Shiba. Haruto’s dad is the absolute worst, and I really want him to lose. I love Shiba, and I love that the show continues to give him some of the visual tropes of a legal drama (like the pan up near the end). I’m in love with this show, and it’s going to be one of my favorites of the year, I’m sure.

Fragrance You Inherit Hurts Me Because Everyone is Doing The Right Thing (4/8)

This show is actually so painful sometimes, because no one is doing anything wrong. Everyone is being as emotionally honest as they can be with everyone they speak to about all of the things that are going on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with Sakura choosing to let go of her lingering crush on Mone now that they’re both moms and their kids are dating. Besides, we presume that Mone is still married! The conversation with On-chan makes me think that Mone misunderstood the relationship Sakura had with him in college (My man is ace but not aro! We love to see it).

I just really love that everyone is trying to do right by everyone around them, and I think all of the things that remain unspoken in this show have been withheld for completely valid reasons. There are no villains in this story, and that makes it even harder to watch really kind people treat each other politely in every scene. I’m just feeling a quiet scream in me the entire time I watch a good son by a thoughtful gift for his loving mother with the help of his supportive and lovely girlfriend, as he prepares a surprise from the old friend who clearly still cares about her friend and the unrequited/unexpressed feelings between them. This show is incredible. Go watch it right now. Thank you again to @isaksbestpillow.

Conclusion

That’s more shows than I’ve been watching in a while. It’s nice to have some Thai shows back in my rotation that I’m actually enjoying. I really want the Chinese to now fuck up their endings, but it seems like 2024 will not be that year. I’ll try to check in with the end of Love is Like a Poison when the Netflix release schedule completes so folks can binge it then. In the mean time, let me know what you’re enjoying, and what else I should consider picking up.

[loosesodamarble]

About the recent chapter drop...

So chapters 374, 375, and 376 of the Black Clover manga dropped as of the day I've started drafting this post. I have many feelings about this chapter, as several friends can attest. I was going a little a lot feral in a group chat.

Wanna quickly tag @thoughtfullyrainynightmare, @lyranova, and @kalolasfantasyworld for encouraging me to write this little essay. I'll also tag @drmarune as a fellow Faust fan (I know you also love the Yami family so hopefully my thoughts on them are satisfactory).

So let me begin with saying that I'm mainly a Faust girlie. But I will be covering both the Yami and the Fausts to the best of my abilities because the family stories are connected. I cannot give thorough commentary on the chapters if I ignore what's going on with Yami and Ichika.

Okay so! Where to start with my analysis?

I guess the most obvious place to start is with Chapter 374. Title: Demon-God. The "Demon-God" in question is supposed to be Yami. Yami's Dark Magic is seen as ominous and being the attribute of a supreme devil enhances its demonic connotation. Grey, while healing Yami's wounds in chapter 323, noted that Yami's body had become devil-like. Yami is infamously known as the "God of Destruction" in Clover Kingdom. And finally, in chapter 342, Ichika and Yami's father stated that the Yami clan reserves a title for the strongest member of them. The title: Demon-God. (In other words, this chapter could've been titled "Yami Sukehiro" and it wouldn't have changed anything./lh

Looking between when Yami takes the demon soul pill and the fuzzy glimpses of when Ichika took the pill, I'm wondering if the main reason Yami was able to stay sane while under the drug's effects has to do with his current condition. What I mean is... Ichika was just... kinda there. There's not much detail but there didn't seem to be much going on and Ichika and Yami's father just gave Ichika the drug on a whim. There was no outlet for the surge in Ichika's physical prowess. Meanwhile, Yami takes the drug while severely injured but also in the mindset that he has to get up and help fight off Lucius's army. His physical abilities are getting kicked into high gear and he has something to target with those powers. Maybe my reading is weird or wrong. But could it be that the reason no member of the Yami clan was able to stay in control when they took the drug is because they weren't taking it in the right condition. Like, being on death's door probably isn't a prerequisite but maybe no one took the drug with firm grasp on what to do with the excess power. I dunno.

Rewinding a bit... That reunion! FUCKING IMPECCABLE! I love the way Yami at first sees Ichika as a little kid. The way he remembered her last he saw took precedence over reality for a moment (AND HE'S NOT THE ONLY VICTIM OF IT!). I love Ichika's apology; the way she details the truths she learned recently (probably not just from her memories being triggered but I'd assume she had Ryuu clarify everything to her so she could really be thankful to Yami for making sure she'd be alright) then topping it off with the "I'm sorry." As a little sister who has misinterpreted things done by my older siblings, I really felt for Ichika. I can tell that Ichika is in pain, realizing how she wronged Yami by viewing him as a destroyer, but there's also so clearly a relief in knowing that the whole time, he had her best interests at heart. (Okay, my sisters never murdered our whole family clan, but you get the idea.) And Yami doesn't linger on it. He accepts her apology and even points out how he had help making sure Ichika was okay.

The flashback of Yami and Ryuuya parting ways... Ryuu always believed in Yami. Also, I love the panel of Yami with the torii gate and the rising sun behind him. The juxtaposition of the torii gate and rising sun - very Japanese and thus Hino symbols - with Yami being just about to leave Hino is like... Symbols of his homeland seeing him off essentially. MAN! I FELT SOMETHING THERE! Anyways, I know that Yami and Ryuu are looking forward to meeting up again now that they know it's possible.

Now back to when Yami has taken the demon soul pill. Yami is taking on his final form as the Demon-God of Destruction. I love the way Yami's form looks.

The splatter of blood from his wounds is replaced by Dark Magic spreading over his body. The facial markings draw one's attention to Yami's eyes and it makes me think of how on oni masks in noh theater(? I think I have that right), the upper brow and the cheeks are scrunched closer to the eye area to frame the eyes. I'm talking out of my ass here, sorry. His thoughts in the moment too are so juicy! Before, his protection of Ichika meant abandoning her. No more of that though; they're together again and Yami will keep it that way.

I love how his panel shows that Yami has incarnated into a true God of Destruction. But he's not destroying aimlessly. He's in control and he's directing his path of chaos towards Lucius's madness and will tear it apart to save everyone.

Yami and Ichika don't get to have a long heart-to-heart due to the present circumstances but Tabata gave them just long enough to breathe and reconcile. To me, it also keeps in line with the way the Yami family works. Yami Sukehiro is quick to act and react. He bears some heavy burdens in his life but he is not a man who wallows in pity or sorrow. His response to adversity is to take it in stride as best he can and make his way towards the future. He accepts Ichika's apology and the pill to awaken what has always been a part of him: the will to protect. Ichika is shaken from seeing her brother so helpless and pouring her heart out in what little time she had. And Yami did shield her at the end of chapter 374, but in the next chapters, she's locked into a fighting mindset. She says herself that she won't stand by any more; she intends to shoulder the responsibility of this battle and fight alongside her brother as an equal. The Yamis are resilient people who can take so much, and the burdens are made easier now that they can carry them together.

Speaking of together, the combo spell that Yami and Ichika have is called "Black Heavens." It's got layers! The Yami clan are connected to demons and devils through their Dark Magic and thus stand opposite of the heavens thematically speaking. The combo spell also builds off of Ichika's Black Star spell and Yami's Black Hole spell. The way the Dark Magic is the antithesis of a religious heaven, darkness is what makes up most of the spatial heavens is awesome. Also the fact that black holes form when stars die and collapse... Yami is the older (and thus closer to dying) sibling... I just needed to put those thoughts out there while still firmly on the topic of the Yami siblings.

Now onto the next chapters...

Chapters 375 and 376 have to be talked together because just like Nacht and Morgen as twins, and just like the Faust-Yami dramas, the two are connected! 375 is titled Strafe and 376 is Sühne. The English releases of the chapters clarify that the words mean "punishment" and "atonement" respectively (if there is any specific connotations to those words, they're lost on me and I would happily accept any clarifications). (Also note that the words are German; Faust and Germany just go hand-in-hand). I've already made a post about Nacht and how his character centers on the themes of punishment and atonement. To quickly summarize, Nacht's character is about continually punishing himself as his atonement for killing Morgen. (I do also point out how he avoids forgiveness as a way to resolve his guilt, but there isn't a chapter titled "Forgiveness" here, now is there?) So these chapters seem to be Tabata's finale for Nacht (and Morgen). (I do hope that a page of the next chapter does see Nacht and Morgen sharing some final words, because if Acier got to give her kids some kind of goodbye, then Morgen should get a chance to say something to Nacht as well. Please Tabata.)

Moving on from just the chapter titles! What actually happens in the two chapters?

Chapter 375 starts with Nacht getting a good look at Morgen and, like the fandom did chapters ago, clocking the devil that Morgen is in possession of: Lucifugus. The wretched memory of the day Nacht tried to summon Lucifugus is burned into his memory; of course he'd recognize the bastard.

Regarding Nacht's thought that Lucifugus is controlling Morgen's body... We know from Sister Lily's words/behaviors (a bit of Acier too at the very end for her) that the human beings who have been turned into Paladins are still conscious/aware/present as themselves. It's just that Lucius's brainwashing is forcing them to believe a certain way, spout that nonsense about "saving the world," and take the actions they are taking. Put simply: a fragment of their true selves exists within the false persona of the Paladin that Lucius forced on them. However, I'm certain that Nacht knows it is in fact Morgen in control but he's trying to tell himself otherwise.

I mean, looking back at chapter 374, Nacht's immediate reaction to seeing Paladin Morgen is to mentally call him Morgen! It's then here in chapter 375 where Nacht is saying that Morgen isn't in control.

Nacht is distressed. He's face-to-face with Morgen, whom he killed, and using the very same power that Nacht had tried to gain and caused Morgen's demise. It's double the shame and guilt on Nacht's conscious. And so he tells himself that it's Lucifugus, not really Morgen, in control. It's an act of desperation. Nacht is trying to convince himself that it's not Morgen's he's facing as a way to relieve himself of some of the stress/anguish that would come from this battle and defeating his opponent. Because if it's not really Morgen, then Nacht wouldn't have to feel any more guilt/grief about it, would he?

I think it's entirely in-character of Nacht. He's attempting to distance himself from the reality before him, similar to how he distanced his past failings from his own person by projecting his criticisms onto the Black Bulls. It never erased his feelings of self-loathing, but it was what Nacht did so he wouldn't just sit and wallow in misery. He pushed his self-hatred onto others and became the cold, critical vice captain of the Black Bulls to fulfill his mission of spying on Spade Kingdom. And now, instead of projection, he's straight up denying things. In this battle against Paladin Morgen, Nacht is trying to ignore the painful reality in order to spare his feelings and see the fight through.

But Nacht couldn't deny the truth for long.

Lucifugus wouldn't be saying these things to him. Who knows what Lucifugus would say to Nacht, if anything at all. Either way, it's Morgen speaking to Nacht. And it shakes Nacht to his core. Not the mention that what Morgen says would also drive the knife deeper into Nacht's heart. The brothers may not have been close while Morgen was alive, but Morgen still understands Nacht enough to call out his feelings of despair.

The way I'm reading it, Nacht falters in battle because he can no longer lie to himself. He's fighting Morgen. A twisted up version of his beloved younger brother, but it's Morgen nonetheless. In submitting to that reality, his feelings (guilt, sorrow, remorse) overwhelm Nacht and it gives Morgen the chance to gain the upper hand in their fight.

And like with Yami seeing Ichika as her younger self for a moment, Nacht's view of Morgen is from ten years back (you can tell by the fluffy robe having having grey shading while Morgen's Paladin robe is pure white and the details on the collar area). At least for one page, we know that Nacht sees Morgen not as the enemy Paladin, but as the kind and noble Magic Knight he used to be. (The present and Nacht's memories of Morgen overlapping and distracting him earlier on too is something I personally believe in just to make it all the more painful. But that's more headcanon and not analysis.)

Nacht laments how he thought he'd already cried all his tears before. But that can't be the case. Nacht's love for Morgen is an active and present feeling for Nacht. So long as Nacht loves Morgen is something alive in his heart, he will find himself crying over and over again for the loss of Morgen's life. That's the way it seems to be turning out for Nacht. Unless he completely closed his heart off to his affection for Morgen, his tears will never truly dry up. It's small, quick line in the chapter but it speaks so deeply to Nacht's feelings. In contrast to Yami who can take things in stride and move on, Nacht is someone who holds onto his suffering and lets it haunt him to the depths of his soul. Nacht and his thoughts focus on things that are gone and cannot be changed. While he does live in the present and makes things better for the future, Nacht has trapped himself with thoughts of a past that can't be undone. It's part of the tragedy that is Nacht's character.

(Real quick, we're going to put a pin in Morgen saying "Brother, let's start over again. Together!" Right before he attempts to blast the ever loving crap out of Nacht. Mixed messages much?)

I wanna bring back the title of chapter 375: Strafe (Punishment). Back in chapters 285 and 287 (coincidentally before and after Nacht's backstory in chapter 286), Nacht thinks to himself "I don't care if I die." Nacht nearly sacrificed himself three times during the battle. Devaluing his life over and over was Nacht's way of punishing himself for his past. And now Nacht is repeating that behavior as he tells himself that he'll defeat the Lucius clone and Morgen even if it kills him. Nacht showed himself some mercy when he stated his intent to live with the Bulls properly. However, he didnt actually stop seeing himself as an expendable sacrifice; in his eyes, his death is worth more than any life he could life. Which hurts to see as a Nacht fan! This time, though, Nacht isn't endangering himself as punishment but he still receives it. Morgen, the very person Nacht wronged so many years ago, is the one delivering the punishment. Physically and emotionally, Nacht's being destroyed. And, in my eyes, it could be that Nacht is okay with it. He didn't stop hating himself, he just stopped acting on that self-destructive feeling. He's accepting Morgen's attacks because Nacht's pain in the present can't be as bad as the pain Morgen felt as he died.

Thankfully, Yami comes in for the save. And when he gives Nacht another talking to, Yami says this:

Yami knows that Nacht didn't let go of the past. That he's been quietly keeping the pain in his heart. The way Yami validates the idea that Morgen's death is a sin on Nacht's part is fascinating. Looking at the big picture, it was more an unfortunate accident; Nacht did incite it by summoning Lucifugus but Morgen chose to destroy the relic with his own hands. Neither Nacht nor Morgen are to blame, they just took actions in line with who they are and it resulted in Morgen's sacrifice. Whether or not Yami wholeheartedly agrees with Nacht's view is a discussion for another time but here, in the moment, Yami leans into it. Yami speaks to Nacht based on those beliefs. From there, he drill it into Nacht's head that if he's going to hold onto what happened as his sin, then he has to use it as a way to push himself into the right course of action rather than let it stop him dead in his tracks. In chapter 376, Ichika also chimes in to get Nacht on his feet again. Her remark isn't only directed at herself; it resonates with Nacht too. Neither of them can leave Yami to deal with Morgen on his own. They don't have the luxury to stand idle and both of them are people that are above being victims of their pasts. Yami was there to protect them so they have to do the same.

Yami and Ichika's words together deliver a powerful message. “If you are going to carry a sin on your conscious, do something with it.” For Nacht (and anyone really), it's a mistake to acknowledge his faults and leave it at that. It doesn't do any good. To give meaning to his sin and the feelings that come with it, Nacht has to act upon them. He has to do what needs to be done to make up for the sin. That means killing Morgen again, not as a tragic accident but as an act of care and the means to free his spirit. It doesn't erase a thing but it makes things as right as they can be.

Quick break from Nacht and his feelings regarding Morgen to have a talk about Yami and his Morgen related feelings!

Yami has a moment to share words with Morgen. He makes it clear that his ire is directed at Lucius. In Yami's mind, there's no real blame on Morgen for his actions as a Paladin. He understands that Morgen wouldn't want so much death and destruction in the name of a new world. It's all Lucius's manipulations. And this view of Morgen again shows the contrast between Yami and Nacht. Nacht is stuck in the past and is seeing Morgen as his dear brother who he couldn't do anything for. Meanwhile, Yami's thoughts are in the present and he's seeing Morgen not as his friend but as an unfortunate puppet being controlled. Yami does acknowledge Morgen as the enemy but he's drawing a fine line between Paladin Morgen and the Morgen he knew.

Also, Yami's desire to see the memory of Morgen be untainted by his deeds as a Paladin is an interesting contrast to his usual feelings towards being looked down on. He's shrugs off most insults towards him (though he can admit when his feelings do get hurt) and is fine with the Black Bulls being considered the worst squad. But Morgen is different. Yami doesn't want to see Morgen become someone tainted by acts of cruelty, even if they aren't entirely his own choice. It says so much about Yami for him to want to preserve the integrity of Morgen's memory. He treasures his friendship with Morgen so deeply because Morgen was one of the first people to accept Yami and believe he could be a squad captain. Yami won't let anyone have any reason to think unfavorably of Morgen. He who saw the good in all should be seen as good by all. That is Yami's belief. I love it so much.

Back to focusing on Nacht!

We return to Nacht at the start of chapter 376: Sühne (Atonement). This chapter really is all about Nacht's final act of atonement for the sin he'd been punishing himself over for years.

Now before he re-enters the battle, Nacht has a moment of contemplation. The dream he describes is brief but it carries so much meaning. Nacht looks back and wishes he'd joined the Grey Deers as Morgen had always suggested he do. He really had always desired a closeness with Morgen but his fear of doing harm to his brother instead outweighed his love. His regret over not taking Morgen's hand sooner is evident and it again drives home the idea that Nacht's thoughts always return to the past to haunt him. And the line about Nacht and Yami fighting over Morgen's attention shatters my heart further because-!

Morgen probably would've chosen Nacht over Yami if he had the option. As much as Morgen and Yami made a good team, Morgen wanted to share that understanding and synergy with Nacht.

(Also, we are creating another pin for this moment.)

Both of the Fausts were jealous of the bond that Yami had their brother! Morgen and Nacht are more alike than either of the realize and it's yet another tragedy in their lives that they will never know that about each other! I JUST! AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH! I can't be calm about this, guys! Morgen and Nacht keep reaching into my soul and drawing out more of my love and tears with how their dynamic continues to grow more heartbreaking!

(Deep breaths, Soda! Take deep, slow breaths now...)

Nacht thinks about how Morgen would've smiled at his and Yami's antics. Morgen is always smiling in Nacht's memories (except when he infiltrated the Fausts' devil ritual basement and tried to dissuade Nacht from summoning Lucifugus, but that was a special circumstance). Morgen's smile being so ever-present in Nacht (and Yami's) recollections of him goes to show that he was a beacon of positivity to both of them. Morgen was light, warmth, happiness.

But Nacht always wakes from that dream and he cries each time, mourning the loss of something that never was but could've been. But he refused to have any of that, having pushed Morgen away each time he asked Nacht to join him. Instead Nacht chose the path of devils and Forbidden Magic. He widened the chasm between himself and Morgen. His actions have led him to a world where he caused his brother's death and now will have to see him die again. In short, the first page of chapter 376 is about the ache caused by what Nacht wants in his dreams and what he has to face in reality.

We cut to Yami fighting Morgen for a bit which includes Morgen refuting Yami's statement that Lucius is a bastard. And we also see Morgen saying

(Adding another pin for that. We'll come back, promise. It's just that I want to divulge the very depths of my Morgen thoughts closer to the end [closer to Morgen's end really].)

I've already discussed how Ichika's words with Nacht help him with his mental/emotional breakthrough so I'll skip over that portion of chapter 376.

As I said at the start, the Faust and Yami family stories are connected. They parallel each other. The families are connected to demons or devils (demon soul pills for Yamis and devil binding ritual for Fausts). The elder sibling was seen as an ideal heir (Yami's strength was lauded by his father and Nacht's father said that Nacht "inherited the magic and the spirit" for dealing with devils). Despite not being what their parents wanted, the younger siblings do find an honorable place for themselves in society: Ichika becomes a Ryuzen Seven and Morgen was a Magic Knight. Both families experience a tragedy and the ideal heir from either family withdraws from their younger sibling, but those events happen in different orders between the two. The Yami clan was slaughtered and then Yami left Hino while taking the blame for the incident. In the Faust family, Nacht emotionally pulling away from Morgen and going down the path of devils is what led to the confrontation in the ritual room and everyone's deaths. Nacht and Yami carry the burden of those incidents. Nacht blames and punishes himself for his crime against Morgen. Yami takes the blame for a crime he didn't commit for Ichika's sake.

The families also contrast each other. Before the Yami clan was destroyed, Yami and Ichika were rather close (Yami urged Ichika to follow him when he left the house in that one flashback). But, as said earlier, Nacht and Morgen had grown apart before Morgen's death. Yami and Ichika look remarkably different but their magics are the same. Nacht and Morgen are identical twins but their magic attributes are different (but complementary). Yami protected Ichika in the past and now has a chance to fight alongside her. Nacht hurt Morgen in the past and has to fight against him in the present. The Yami family's resolution brings them closer together and heals them. The Faust family's resolution involves once against being separated and an unending pain for Nacht.

Talk about a well-constructed narrative and characters right there.

Now that I've noted the families' connections, it's time to return my focus to solely the Fausts.

Nacht's words to himself before he re-enters the fray. Again, his thoughts turn to his own death. But here he admits that dying would be the easy way out for him. He looked down on his own life, sought his death, because dying would be an escape from having to carry the guilt for the rest of his life. Then Nacht comes a realization: "Tears don't mark the end of sin." He realizes now that leaving his emotions to stew won't resolve the sin. What Nacht needs to do is to fully atone for what he did and that will give closure for what he's held onto for so long.

Nacht's four devil Unite form isn't as complex as his other forms but it doesn't bother me. It's probably for the better that Tabata didn't try to design something that incorporated elements from all four forms. Equus gets the most representation in the four-way Devil Unite with shields and the minimal armor around his shoulders. Otherwise, Nacht is simply cloaked in shadows and the combined might of his devils (and anti-magic, can't forget the anti-magic). I love the clear view of all the facial markings brought on by the devil unions (especially since the face covering that came with Equus form made it hard to tell where the markings were!). He's lowkey matching Yami and his facial markings. AND THE CROWN OF HORNS! MY GOODNESS! My friends know how much I get worked up over Nacht and his horns. I'm positively feral that Tabata has given me canonical eight-horned Nacht! KJADHGIUAEHTHAEIHT! (Coherent thoughts, Soda!) Also, I can also tell that the combined power has made the horns manifest larger than they usually would on Nacht. Him using all four devils at once is him fully embracing his dark past. Maybe he formed his contracts with Gimodelo and the others in the wrong mindset, but things have changed. He's using an "evil" power that killed Morgen for good, to save Morgen (through death but saving regardless).

Morgen, upon seeing Nacht unleash his full potential says something he said during Nacht's flashbacks of him: that Nacht has the greatest talent for magic. He even says "I knew it" and looks eager/fascinated by what he's seeing. Morgen really does have so much faith in his older brother. It'd be sweeter if the two of them weren't on a collision course for combat.

And what a feast for the eyes the battle is. It turns into chaos, but a beautiful

The combo spell from Nacht empowered Shadow Magic and the Yamis' Dark Magic is Walpurgis Night. It's of course tied to Nacht more than the Yamis, as that event is celebrated the night and day of Nacht and Morgen's birth dates. There is so much more to Nacht and Morgen's connection to that holiday since it's about warding evil spirits and protection of witchcraft. Like, Morgen first protected Nacht from Lucifugus and now Nacht has to protect the world from the evil Morgen is enacting on behalf of Lucius. That's all I can say about that though since that's basically all I know about Walpurgis Night. (Maybe in the future I can read through all of Wikipedia's cited sources and more to actually know the whole deal.)

Morgen puts up quite the fight against three opponents, two of whom have their physical and magical abilities at their peak at the moment. He doesn't know it but these are his final moments.

So let me talk about what I've observed and come to believe about Morgen.

Morgen Faust. A man who was good incarnate. The very picture of a good man. Who loved everyone and was loved by everyone. It was in his nature to help, save, and protect others. But his perfect image hid someone who probably felt very lonely.

Let's bring back those pins we gathered earlier. The first two pins (the starting over and Morgen admitting Yami was a better partner for Nacht) are very easily connected. Morgen's dream had been to be close with Nacht, to stand side-by-side with him. But they weren't close. Then Morgen saw Yami, a stranger from a foreign land, connect to Nacht with incredible ease. It probably hurt Morgen to see that, to see that Nacht found someone else to share his joys with. Morgen didn't hate Yami for being more compatible with Nacht and even befriended Yami himself. Morgen, at least in my personal headcanons, might've seen getting close to Yami as a way of better understanding Nacht. But even though Morgen could get along with someone who was Nacht's friend, he still couldn't directly close the gap between him and his brother. Again and again, Morgen suggested Nacht join the Magic Knights but was always brushed aside. And so Morgen was left feeling frustrated and probably a little lonely too because he couldn't have the one bond he wished for.

In reading the recent chapters and looking back on old chapters regarding him, I wonder if Morgen reached out to and accepted others so easily because of his missing connection with Nacht. As in, being pushed away by Nacht made Morgen want to ensure that no one else felt rejected or left alone. It's not compensating for something he lacked, but rather a reaction of "I was hurt in the one way so I will protect others from that same hurt." I believe Morgen genuinely cared for the people he knew in some capacity though not in the same way he valued Nacht. To apply some specific terminology, Morgen holds storgic love ("Because we have the specific bond of family, I love you") for Nacht and agapic love ("Because you are a human being, I love you") for everyone else. So Morgen loved everyone. And everyone loved him back. Though I doubt the adoration of strangers did anything to soothe the ache Morgen felt over Nacht's absence in his life. Either we've experienced it ourselves or seen it represented in media: Person A has an event and want Person B there to support them; the event comes around and A discovers B isn't there so even if they win or get praise from others, not having B there makes it hard to celebrate. That's what it probably was like for Morgen not having Nacht with him.

In the end, Morgen was unable to close the rift between himself and Nacht. And it was his dying regret. Revived a Paladin, Morgen voices his desire to start over with Nacht, to make right the mistake of not being close to him when he was originally alive.

The lack of a specific bond wasn't the only thing making Morgen lonely. I think Morgen also isolated himself in a way. He put himself under pressure to be strong by himself.

Let's bring back pin three, where Morgen says he'll clear the way for a new world. Looking at that alone, he's kinda just saying that he's following Lucius's orders to fight the Magic Knights for Lucius's victory. But then put this proclamation with what Morgen said back in chapter 368:

And also what he thinks to himself in chapter 376:

He talks about fighting and being the strongest on his own.

I also want to point to how he confronted his family about their work with devils. He came to the underground ritual chamber alone, and not even while wearing his uniform as a Grey Deer on top of that. Forbidden Magic was being practiced and Morgen could've (probably should've) brought along his squad to arrest his family and their followers. But he didn't. He faced his family's sins not as a Magic Knight but merely as Morgen Faust. In Morgen's eyes, it was his family's business and thus his personal responsibility as part of it to stop them.

So we have repeated instances of Morgen voicing thoughts and acting in ways where he sets himself up to be on his own. I can think of several factors for why Morgen might have this mindset. He was the black sheep of his family and overlooked by his parents so he didn't have their support. Nacht kept his distance too. His Light Magic also meant he was looked up to, believed to be strong like the first Wizard King, just for having the attribute he had. All of these together would feed into the belief that Morgen is separate from other, for better or worse. With that belief instilled, Morgen could then tell himself that he has to rely on his own strength, that others can rely on his power alone.

Yes, Morgen seeks partnership from Nacht and works alongside Yami but ultimately tells himself he has to do things by himself. And it's possible that Morgen wanted to be closer to Nacht because he thought that only his brother, his flesh and blood, could be depended on to lessen Morgen's burdens.

Morgen becomes a lot more tragic with all this in mind. He wasn't just a pure soul who died young. He wasn't just a good man lost to sacrifice. He was a lonely person who struggled between his desire for a bond with his brother and his belief that he had to stand alone. Worse yet, he keeps on ending up alone. Other members of the former Grey Deer like Yami and William get their own squads and become more associated with those groups. Morgen by himself as a legacy member of the Grey Deer. Ten years ago and in the present day, Morgen has no one with him in death while Nacht and Yami get to continue living and working as partners.

Like the words that chapter 376 has near it's end says, "The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow it casts." All of Morgen's good, the inspiration he brought and the hope he symbolizes for others, is so bright. But it makes the shadow of sorrow that might exist within Morgen all the more saddening to me.

This is just my own reading of Morgen so take what I've said with a grain of salt but... At least for me, Morgen has gained a whole new depth to his character thanks to these new chapters and how it made things from before clicking into place for me. I don't always like Tabata's handling of the story, but I do love what he's given me for me to draw the conclusions I have.

Well that's Morgen's finale. And now for my last statement on Nacht's part of the chapters.

Quick observation: to me, part of Nacht's horn set up from his four-way Unite, resembles Morgen's own. From Slotos and Plumede, Nacht gets horns that point outward and curse in a way that matches Lucifugus's horns.

You can best compare it here and even with Nacht partially obscured... I can see the similarity.

Moving on, or rather moving back to the line, "the brighter the light, the deeper the shadow it casts." It brings to mind that one quote "for the greater the love the greater the grief" by C.S. Lewis. It captures part of the core to Nacht's character. His love for Morgen was so deep that the grief of losing him transformed him as a person. Morgen's light of hope was so bright and it makes Nacht's shadow of despair dark.

But the true essence of who Nacht is comes from the last words in the chapter, his last words to Morgen.

"Goodbye, Morgen. I will shoulder this pain forever."

Nacht regretted his sin, punished himself for it, and atoned for it through killing Morgen a second time. This is his closure for the past. But even with that, Nacht cannot - will not - is let go of his sin or the pain it's caused him. It's a part of him for the rest of his life. He will find it in himself to live and maybe even find happiness, but the love and happiness he got from having Morgen around will never be replaced or filled in. Morgen is lost forever and so Nacht will mourn forever.

Part of me is sad to know that Nacht has committed himself to such feelings. But a greater part of me understands that it's a part of his character and loves him for it. He holds on, to his emotions or the people he cares for, so fiercely to the point of it hurting him. It's probably not a healthy mindset to have but Nacht's fictional so we can let it slide. I see it as tragic but also admirable.

To me, this is the real end of Nacht's arc. First in Spade, he had to learn that despite his faults, there were people who cared for him enough to save him. And now on Judgment Day, Nacht faces his sin head on and gives it a resolution, thus accepting all he's done and all of himself where he once projected his self-loathing onto others.

I'm left with bittersweet feelings from these chapters. There was beautiful art. I developed a deeper appreciation for characters who aren't my favorite characters. The characters that I do adore above all the rest got a spotlight on them. Morgen and Nacht both showed off incredible feats of power and their story got an ending. All good things. But I've also come to see a much sadder side to Morgen beyond being a black sheep. And Nacht's statement of eternal pain brings me to actual tears just thinking of it. I'm also upset that unlike Acier, Morgen isn't shown giving a goodbye to his family but I can still hope that chapter 377 spares page time for that. But even with these sad notes, I'm happy because I can better appreciate the Fausts with what I've been shown.

I love these chapters and the stories they tell/finish. I can't wait for the physical volume containing the chapters so I can return to them over and over again.

I hope that this post wasn't boring or too repetitive. I hope it made sense. I had to bounce around in the chapters' details and even called back to older chapters to get my points across. I just... had a lot to say. Several times while writing this, I ended up going back to add onto a topic I thought I'd finished (I'm looking at you Yami family and the Walpurgis Night spell).

I didn't have any plans for what I was going to say. I knew I was going to talk about how the Yami and Faust family dynamics closed out and the development of my perception of Morgen. But a lot of things just came to me as I wrote. And I think that worked for the best.

Thank you to whoever was able to power through this massively long post. Or even just read specific parts. Anyone looking at this post at all would mean something to me because while I mostly write this so my head and heart wouldn't explode from keeping it all inside, being heard by another is nice.

Thank you to any readers. Thank you, Tabata for writing Black Clover. Thank you, Yami and Ichika for your shared arc and contributions to this chapter. And thank you, Nacht and Morgen Faust for lighting my soul on fire.

[girl-in-the-chairs-void]

AAAAA OH MY GOD<3333333 Please do a part 2 to hold me, console me, im eating it up

The angst is delicious, thank you<333333

Hold me, console me (part 2)

Theworst!logan x reader (part 1)

Tags: @pedroscurls

A/N: I know this goes without saying but I am a WHORE for broken men and the “I can fix him trope”, Logan fits just that. LEMME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK!! (not proofread btw)

You find yourself standing in front of a familiar door that morning—Wade's door. He had been the one to play matchmaker between you and Logan, always eager to meddle in his own chaotic way.

‘Sweet and sour, just how I like my cu-‘ he used to tease about your dynamic, though he never meant harm. How could he, when all you did was bring him and Al delicious dinners and baked goods? Wade would’ve married you himself if Vanessa weren’t in the picture. ‘You’re my twin flame,’ he’d often joke, even though you were nothing like him. You were quiet, reserved, and detested socializing unless it was within the comfort of either your or Wade’s apartment.

Now, here you are, on the morning of your worst heartbreak, clutching a tub of ice cream and a bag of microwavable popcorn outside his door.

Three sharp knocks echo in the hallway. You hear a clatter from inside, followed by a string of muffled curses, until the door swings open to reveal a face that knocks the air right out of you.

Logan.

“Oh...” Your eyes widen as you freeze, a storm of emotions brewing within you.

Before you can stop yourself, you push past him, setting down the ice cream and popcorn on a nearby table. When you turn around, your face is met with the solid wall of his chest. He looks down at you, sorrow etched deep into his features. And suddenly, everything boils over.

“You,” you spit, fire blazing in your eyes. You strike his chest, again and again, and he lets you—lets you unleash your frustration, your anger, because he knows he deserves it.

“You left. No warning, no note. You were just... gone! Clothes packed, phone off! What were you thinking? I begged you to stay, Logan. I begged.” Your voice cracks, and the tears come, burning hot down your cheeks. But all you notice is the tears in his eyes, and the soft rustle of movement from the kitchen where Wade is likely listening.

You try to ignore the thought of Al and Wade overhearing your heartbreak, keeping your tear-blurred gaze fixed on Logan.

“Bub—”

“No,” you cut him off sharply. “I know it’s hard, Logan. I do. I was there when Wade went through his worst. I’ve stood by friends in their darkest days. I want to be there for you, through everything. But you shut me out.”

Your voice trembles, betraying you, and you see him instinctively move to hold you, but you step back, wiping at your tears. The hurt in his eyes is unmistakable, but you continue.

“I’m sorry if you think I’m pushing you too hard. I’m sorry if I ask for too much. But I love you, Logan. And no matter how much you run, I won’t leave you. Not ever.”

The silence between you lingers, thick with unsaid words, before it’s broken by slow clapping from the kitchen.

“You really hit him with that one, sweets,” Wade’s voice calls out. “No, seriously, I was just telling him he should’ve dealt with his frustration by boning you—”

But Wade’s words are cut short. Before you know it, Logan’s grabbed your wrist and is pulling you toward the door, past Wade’s crude commentary. He leads you out of Wade's apartment, two doors down to your own, ignoring the continued yells from Wade behind you.

“Logan, what—?” you barely get the words out before his arms are around you, lifting you from the waist until your face is nestled against the crook of his neck. You feel the warmth of his tears against your skin, his body trembling with quiet sobs.

You hold him, your hands moving to comfort him, running through his hair, soothing his ragged breathing.

“You—” he starts, his voice breaking with the weight of it. “In my world... you died. I killed you. I let you die.” His voice shakes as the sobs take over. “I never meant to... I didn’t mean to let them die, bub.”

You feel his knees give way, and the two of you sink to the cold hallway floor. He’s crying harder now, his grip tightening around you as if letting go might make you disappear too.

“I’m sorry, I’m so—”

“Shhh,” you whisper, cutting him off softly. “I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here.”

He clings to you, his desperation palpable. You pull away just enough to cup his face in your hands. “Look at me, Logan. I’m alive. You didn’t lose me—not here.”

You press a kiss to his forehead, feeling his breath begin to slow, then to his tear-soaked eyelids. You kiss him softly, murmuring gentle reassurances between each touch.

“I’m here. I’ll hold you. I’ll love you. Forever. Does that sound like a deal?”

As you cradle Logan’s face in your hands, his breathing starts to slow. The raw emotion in his eyes begins to soften, though the weight of everything still lingers in the air between you. He looks at you, truly seeing you, and for the first time in what feels like forever, a small, shaky smile begins to form on his lips. It’s brief, but it’s there. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

“Don’t say that,” you reply softly. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

For a long moment, neither of you moves, the cold floor grounding you both in the present. His arms are still tight around your waist, as though letting go might shatter the fragile peace you’ve found. You stay like that, the world outside your apartment and Wade’s chaotic energy fading into the background.

Eventually, you pull back slightly, your hands sliding from his face to his shoulders.

“Come on,” you say gently. “Let’s get up. You’re going to catch a cold sitting here, even if it’s for a little bit.” You say, aware of his super healing.

Logan hesitates, as if reluctant to let go of the closeness, but then he nods. You both stand slowly, your legs shaky from the emotional intensity. Without a word, you lead him into your apartment, closing the door behind you.

Inside, the dim lighting casts a soft glow over the room. It’s quiet, a contrast to the whirlwind of emotions that just unraveled in the hallway. You sit on the couch, and Logan follows, sitting beside you. There’s still a heaviness in his movements, a man weighed down by too many ghosts from his past, but he’s here. He’s with you.

For a few minutes, the silence is comfortable. You lean against him, his arm naturally wrapping around your shoulders. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest is a soothing reminder that despite everything, you’re both still here—alive, together.

“You don’t have to talk,” you say softly, sensing the turmoil still swirling inside him. “Not now. Not until you’re ready.”

Logan’s thumb traces slow circles on your shoulder, a sign that he’s listening. After a moment, he speaks, his voice quiet but steady.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” he admits. “But... I want to try.”

You turn to face him, your heart swelling with a mixture of hope and sadness. “That’s all I need to hear.”

He leans in, pressing his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. “I’m sorry for leaving,” he whispers. “For everything.”

You close your eyes, feeling the weight of his words. “I know. But you’re here now. And we’ll figure it out. Together.” You reach for his hand, giving it three squeezes before reaching up to give him a peck, one of reassurance.

For the first time in a long while, you both let the quiet settle, not out of avoidance, but out of mutual understanding. The journey ahead might not be easy, but it’s a path you’ll walk side by side. As the minutes tick by, you feel a sense of calm wash over you. You’re not alone in this—neither of you are. And for now, that’s enough.

Suddenly, a loud knock on your door breaks the silence that makes you jump, followed by Wade’s unmistakable voice shouting through the wood.

“Hey! Are you two done with the emotional stuff yet? I’ve got pancakes in here, and they’re getting cold!”

You exchange a glance with Logan, both of you barely suppressing a laugh. The tension in the room eases just a bit, the smallest sliver of normalcy creeping back in.

“We should probably go before he kicks the door down,” you say with a smirk.

Logan stands and offers you a hand, his expression a little lighter now. “Yeah,” he agrees, a small but genuine smile finally reaching his eyes.

And for the first time in what feels like forever, you both walk back toward the world—not broken, but healing, one step at a time.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 3

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

The Regent’s forces were rivers of darker red, driving inroads into their lines, mingling their armies together, like a stream of blood hitting water, then diffusing.

He killed, and it was simply that men got out of his way, or were dead.

He had grown used to something that had been temporary, like the flash of exhilaration in a pair of blue eyes for a moment catching his own. All of that tangled together inside him, and tightened, through the killing, into a single hard knot.

something about the way this is written just hits me in the abandonment issues

‘If the Prince of Vere shows himself, I will kill him.’ Nikandros half spat the words.

nik private twitter venting moment #2

The ground was wet, his legs were mud-spattered above his knees—mud in dry summer, because the ground was blood.

i don’t know man i feel like after a point you have to just be like. hey. why are we doing this again? like yeah i get that fighting in a military force can be for A Cause but unless you’re directly involved in enacting ideological change, aren’t you basically just cannon fodder

On the far side of the field, he saw the flash of embroidered red. That is how Akielons win wars, isn’t it? Why fight the whole army, when you can just—

i’m guessing the part in italics in a previous laurent line, about damen killing auguste at marlas?

He used the little name that Damen had been called as a boy; the childhood name, reserved for intimates.

the fact that is was kastor specifically asking the veretians to call him that…

Damen realised that he was on his knees, his own chest heaving like the chest of his horse.

laurent’s horse will be glad to know that damen’s horse lived. because, as we all know, they’re in love

‘Over?’ The word grated out of him. All he could think was that if the Regent still lived, nothing was over.

it is interesting how, even when he thinks laurent screwed him over (see previous chapter), damen has this uncontrollable rage towards the regent rather than laurent. i think this has more to do with the regent killing his men and trying invade his country, though. and maybe just that it’s easier to hate him than laurent. “regent = bad” is something that’s easy for damen to comprehend right now, while laurent’s whole thing is a lot more confusing and intimate

And with returning awareness, he saw as if for the first time the bodies of the men that he had killed to get to the Regent’s decoy, and beyond that, the evidence of what he had done. The field was a rutted earthworks strewn with the dead. The ground was a churned mess of flesh, ineffective armour and riderless horses. Killing ceaselessly, for hours, he had not been aware of the scale of it, of what he had caused to happen here. He saw flashes behind his eyelids, faces of the men he’d killed. Those left standing were all Akielon; and they stared at Damen as at something impossible.

damen holy shit… i guess that’s one way to reclaim your authority. and he didn’t even mean it as a sign of intimidation, he just wanted to get to the “regent.” who by the way was just some random guy RIP

‘Find the highest-ranked Veretian still living and tell them they have leave to bury their dead,’ said Damen. There was a fallen Akielon banner on the ground beside him. ‘Charcy is claimed for Akielos.’ As he rose, Damen wrapped his hand around its wooden pole and planted it in the earth.

not sure if calling it an akielion victory despite the combined forces is just customary, or intentionally out of spite. i’m leaning on the former, since it’s damen and not laurent we're talking about

The herald came cantering across the devastated landscape on a white, glossy mare with a curved neck and a high, flying tail. Beautiful and untouched, he made a mockery of the sacrifice of the brave men on the field. His banner streamed out behind him, and its blazon was Laurent’s starburst, in blue and shining gold.

here is an excerpt from a post i made while reading king’s rising for the first time:

“damen when he realizes he’s not in a slow burn romance with problematic beginnings, but a complex psychological thriller in which the smartest fictional character i have ever personally encountered has decided to make his life a living hell and also they’re in love with each other but the psychological thriller stuff is way more important to his bitchy blonde nightmare malewife and he is SO down bad and just has to deal with laurent’s mean girls 4d chess petty nonsense bc it’s enrichment for him and damen will kill anyone who gets in laurent’s way and he can’t even pick up the very very VERY clear implications of laurent’s trauma that would probably allow them to reach some kind of vulnerability equilibrium in their relationship”

on a re-read, i think this is a great time to dig into that a little more ;)

SO what i love about so much of laurent’s choices in the next few chapters is the fact that much of what he says and does is entirely petty. like, yes there’s always strategy and trauma and depth as usual, but i think it’s not denying him depth to say that he is 20 years old, this is his first love in the midst of an extremely stressful and messy situation, and despite his own wishes he cannot prevent his emotions from affecting his actions. laurent has had control over so much of the situation with damen thus far, both with the power dynamics between them as master and “slave” and the fact that damen didn’t know that laurent knew who he was. but now laurent knows that damen knows, so all of his previous and future actions are going to be under damen’s scrutiny in that context. they’re equals now, and the secrets reinforcing laurent’s prior cognitive dissonance have dissolved. that leaves laurent vulnerable (especially after being tortured and genuinely letting damen down even if by accident) and emotional compromised (he has no choice but to see damen as damianos, and with that comes all of the auguste baggage and the fact that they’ve already fallen in love and had sex under different circumstances).

all that is to say, the next few chapters are laurent’s mean girls era. he is, again, still being smart and strategic (4d chess), and his feelings are valid and his trauma is real. however, he is also just being MEAN, for the same reasons classic high school movie mean girls tend to be: he feels insecure and vulnerable about his romantic attachment to damen, stressed out by the insane amount of power he definitely should not have, and self-righteous about all the ways the world has conspired against him. regina george might have been the villain of the movie, but she was the hero of her own story. janis and cady methodically dismantled her life as a popular, powerful, and confident person. that’s why she got revenge with the burn book instead of looking inward and acknowledging her own issues, of which there were many. she had a machiavellian view of life, in which mean people always won, and so being mean in retaliation was how she could protect herself from being a victim.

that is laurent’s perspective too, for a lot of this series. we don’t know anything about regina’s backstory, or heather chandler’s (another great example), but we do know exactly why laurent has the worldview he does. he used to be sweet and it made him a victim. so he is mean to protect himself, even if that robs him of his sweetness. damen’s integrity and honor have challenged laurent’s worldview, though, and that has been the source of a lot of laurent’s slow reconsideration. but now that laurent can’t just pretend that damen isn't damianos, now that he has to accept this situation in its full interpersonal and political messiness, he isn’t nearly as inspired. laurent assumes, now that laurent has gone “mask off,” that damen will realize that laurent doesn’t deserve the love he has shown him in the past. because laurent has been mean to damen, by lying about his awareness even at the times damen thought he was being earnest and sweet. that makes damen a victim and fool—two things laurent deeply fears being, and therefore assumes everyone else also fears in themselves. two things the regent had wanted laurent to consider himself, by placing damen in his life in the first place.

therefore, in his insecurity and vulnerability and anger, as a 20 year old just experiencing his first love, as someone with a lot of power and stress who cannot waste time or energy on genuinely confronting his own flaws in good faith, laurent is gearing up to be sososososo mean to damen specifically in the next few chapters. like comedically mean. aimlessly mean. pathetically mean. on purpose. ultimately, if he must be alone (which he obviously must, says laurent's brain), laurent would rather be the villain of someone else’s story than a victim in his own. that, at least, is similar to book 1 laurent—but while he was a cat playing with a mouse in book 1, in a position to do serious damage to his opponent, now he’s more like…. a cat, slapping another cat. evenly matched, but still throwing hands. transparently insecure and pathetic, only effective in doing emotional damage in ways he doesn’t intend. damen isn’t hurt by the petty things laurent says and does, because he sees through them for what they are. he’s hurt because laurent sees them as necessary to protect himself and keep his distance, when all damen wants is to make things okay between them. which laurent would never expect, because he assumes that damen wants nothing to do with him, and would be happier and better off if they stayed apart.

basically: unstoppable force (damen's persistent caring) meets unmovable object (laurent's refusal to be genuinely cared for). the only way for this cycle to end is for damen to choose to stop, or for laurent to choose to yield. laurent will eventually make that choice, but he still has to be a huge bitch about it first. he's going to lash out at damen and challenge him to stop caring, but ultimately fail—both because damen is just built different, and because he's lowkey written as a fantasy partner for emotionally volatile people with attachment and abandonment issues.

rest assured, laurent’s genre is still psychological thriller, but it’s also now a high school drama movie. and damen is about to get a bitter taste of that, with pretty much no choice in the matter. this poor man will have to deal with laurent’s bitchy theatrics as they try to co-parent an army, and he’s already too emotionally invested and aware of laurent’s habit of lashing out when he’s in pain to genuinely fight back.

this could also be called laurent’s s1 catra era, but i’m not sure what the venn diagram of capri and she ra enjoyers looks like. to those who get it—laurent is doing what catra did at princess prom for the next several chapters, down to the “hey adora” = “hello lover.” this dynamic is very fun to read because it doesn’t overstay its welcome. it’s different from laurent in book 1, or catra in general, because it’s so clearly pathetic, damen and laurent are on the same side of the war, and damen could technically make it stop at any point. so i think it’s very very fun, while it lasts >:)

The herald reined in in front of him. Damen looked at the mare’s shiny coat, not dirt-covered, not heaving or darkened with sweat, and then at the herald’s livery, in immaculate condition, unflecked by the dust of the road. He felt it rising at the back of his throat. ‘Where is he?’

damen showed up to the prom laurent planned with him to unite their rival high schools, only to find himself dateless and laurent’s promised fancy party decorations missing. this is the moment where damen checks snapchat (i was in high school from 2013-2017) and sees everyone from vere high at their own immaculately-decorated prom, where laurent is being crowned king. little does damen know, laurent was blindsided by the vere-only prom and forced via social pressure to be there since everyone elected him prom king. they’re mad at each other for a high school drama pacing-typical period of time, and then make up when they realize the misunderstanding and reassert their dedication to each other.

laurent did still murder someone with a chair, though. but like a metal folding chair from the band room

The herald’s back hit the ground. Damen had dragged him bodily from his horse into the dirt, where he lay dazed and winded, with Damen’s knee in his stomach. Damen’s hand was around his neck.

His grip tightened before it opened enough to allow the herald to speak. The herald rolled onto his side and coughed as Damen released him. He pulled something from inside his jacket. Parchment, with two lines on it. You have Charcy. I have Fortaine. He stared at the words, written in familiar, unmistakable handwriting. I’ll receive you at my fort.

lamen hr complaint #5 (unnamed herald): ragdolling this guy over what should be impersonal, professional correspondence

also, because i can't help myself:

Fortaine eclipsed even Ravenel, powerful and beautiful, its towers high-flung, its jutting crenelles biting the sky. It rose to a sheer, impossible height and, from every vantage, it was flying Laurent’s banners. The pennants seemed to float on the air effortlessly, patterned silk in blue and gold.

WELCOME HOME, BROTHER KILLER

Rows upon rows of peaked, coloured tents were pitched on the field outside Fortaine’s walls, the sun lighting the pavilions, the banners, and the silks of a graceful encampment. It was a city of tents, and it camped a fresh, intact force of Laurent’s men, who had not fought and died through the morning. The constructed arrogance of the display was intentional. It said, exquisitely: Did you exert yourself at Charcy? I have been here examining my nails.

this is funny and i wouldn’t put it past laurent, but also i’m not sure if he like. really meant this part of it specifically to piss damen off. he was just tortured idk he probably just wanted things nice. a good part of the fun of lamen divorce era is remembering that damen’s interpretation of events isn’t necessarily accurate, and that it’s hilarious how he interprets things as petty personal slights even when they might not be. they’re both so obsessed with each other and it’s great

Nikandros reined in alongside him. ‘Uncle and nephew are alike. They send other men to do their fighting for them.’

nik tweets this verbatim on priv (#3)

Damen was silent. What he felt in his chest was a hardness like anger. He looked at the elegant silken city and thought about men dying on the field at Charcy.

but not exactly anger—betrayal? heartache? self-consciousness?

Some kind of herald’s greeting party was riding towards them. He gripped the Regent’s bloody, torn banner in his hand.

the phrase “greeting party” just made me imagine them rolling up with like confetti and a speaker blasting the celebration song. while damen holds the bloody torn banner

‘Just me,’ said Damen, and put his heels into his horse. About halfway across the field, he was met by the herald, who arrived with an anxious party of four attendants saying something urgent about protocol. Damen listened to four words of it. ‘Don’t worry,’ said Damen. ‘He’s expecting me.’

lamen hr complaint #6 (more unnamed heralds): disregarding protocol

(also “he’s expecting me” girlllll)

Without even pulling off his gauntlets, he strode to the tent. He knew its high scalloped folds; he knew the starburst pennant. No one stopped him. Not even when he reached the tent and dismissed the soldier at the entrance with a single order: ‘Go.’ He didn’t bother to see if his order was obeyed. The soldier let him through: of course he did; this had all been planned. Laurent was ready for him whether he came docilely behind the herald or, as he did now, the dirt and the sweat of the battle still on him, blood dried in the places where a cursory swipe with a cloth had not reached it. He swept the tent flap back with an arm, and stepped inside.

again i do have to question, beyond the drama, how much of this is as intentional and petty as damen thinks it is. like, the heralds literally cite protocol, damen knows this is the correct way for a camp to be run. i think he is assuming a lot here, although it’s reasonable to do so. we have seen in the past that damen assumes things of laurent that laurent is just like, “uh. not everything i do is on purpose” about, or damen is just WRONG about. i just wonder if damen’s approach here confirms things laurent was worried about (damen thinking poorly of him now that they’re on even ground), further fueling the fire of his rejection-sensitive bitchiness. not that it’s an excuse, or even undeserved, but it’s good to remember that there are two sides to the story.

like to damen, this is an angry post-battle rush of a moment to confront laurent and speak his truth (he doesn’t know laurent knows who he is), but to laurent this is like. post-torture and escape, and basically being thrown into the deep end of vulnerability with damianos and what this all implies to auguste’s memory. we’re not getting the best or most rational version of either of them right now, which is great for the drama but also makes the narration less reliable

This was the place Laurent had chosen.

right. damen thinks laurent chose this place to hear the truth about him, because the “you have charcy” note implies that at some point laurent probably figured out that damen is damianos. therefore laurent chose this occasion for them to meet each other, as they truly are by birth, for the first time. damen just doesn’t know the twist that laurent has always known who he’s been, and has chosen everything else before now with that knowledge too

There were a few furnishings, low seats, cushions, and in the background a trestle table hung with its own coverings, and set with shallow bowls of sugared pears and oranges. As though they were going to nibble at sweetmeats.

the same guy who ordered the “sorry you were given a severed head and discovered a suicide” fruit basket in prince’s gambit had to order a “sorry i gaslighted you for 2 books but not really because you also technically gaslighted me” fruit basket in kings rising

He lifted his gaze from the table to the exquisitely attired figure leaned with a single shoulder against the tent pole, watching him.

lucky number laurent lean #13!

Laurent said, ‘Hello, lover.’

It was not going to be simple.

this being the follow-up line to “hello lover” is such a good combination of funny and tension-building. like laurent’s cunty tableau immediately put out damen’s fiery righteous indignation and now he’s just like “oh this is going to suck.”

He made himself breathe through that. ‘Your men think you’re a coward. Nikandros thinks that you deceived us. That you sent us to Charcy, and left us there to die by your uncle’s sword.’ ‘And is that what you think?’ said Laurent. ‘No.’ Damen said, ‘Nikandros doesn’t know you.’

this is really a testament to pacat’s cleverness, how in chapter 1 there are a lot of moments where it’s almost like damen is directly saying he thinks laurent screwed him over—nikandros and the herald saying it and him not disagreeing, him accepting the reality that laurent is not going to show up—but he never does truly say that he thinks the abandonment was on purpose. because he didn’t, and he doesn’t, which makes sense. but he’s still angry and confused and also just concerned about how laurent is taking the “news” that he’s damianos. how much of damen’s anger about laurent’s composed appearance is projection of his anxiety about laurent seeing him as he truly is, a powerful authority figure in his own right who just won a battle against insane odds?

it’s so ambiguously written that it’s almost like pacat WANTS us to spiral. which i did, and will probably continue to do, so well-played. these books are like evil catnip to anxious overthinking theater people with attachment issues and an interest in understanding complex fictional situations to cope with the fact that real life never makes enough sense. also kinky gays but let's be real that's just a trojan horse for the other stuff

‘And you do.’ Damen looked at the arrangement of Laurent’s weight, the careful way he was holding his body. Laurent’s left hand was still casually resting against the tent pole. Deliberately, he stepped forward, and clasped Laurent’s right shoulder. Nothing, for a moment. Damen tightened his grip, and ground in with his thumb. Harder. He watched Laurent turn ashen. Finally, Laurent said, ‘Stop.’

proving that he knows laurent well enough to pick up from his posture alone exactly where he’s been injured. also they’re both so messy, like let’s put pressure on each other’s literal and figurative wounds instead of just talking about our misconceptions and feelings, awesome

He let go. Laurent had wrenched back and was clutching his shoulder, where the blue of his doublet had darkened. Blood, welling up from some newly bandaged, subterranean place, and Laurent was staring at him, his eyes oddly wide. ‘You wouldn’t break an oath,’ said Damen, past the feeling in his chest. ‘Even to me.’

damen proving to himself, and proving to laurent, that he knows that laurent didn’t screw him over, and instead was injured and failed to show up. laurent is shocked by how quickly damen picked up on this. also ow

He had to force himself back.

he doesn’t want to see laurent in pain, or know that he’s causing it :( which is especially unfortunate given the conversation they’re about to have about damen murdering laurent’s brother

Laurent didn’t answer. He still had a hand clutched to his shoulder, his fingers sticky with blood. Laurent said, ‘Even to you?’

“you wouldn’t break an oath, even to me” (“even to me” being a sort of freudian slip, meaning “i killed your brother, and i’ve known that this whole time and i haven’t told you, and you have a good reason to hate me for that”) “even to you?” (to damen’s incomplete understanding: “well i know who you are now, and if i’d known before i would have broken every oath to you i’ve ever made”)

He made himself look at Laurent. The truth was an awful presence in his chest.

babygirl it’s about to get so much awfuller

He thought of the single night they had spent together. He thought of Laurent, giving himself, dark-eyed and vulnerable, and of the Regent, who knew how to break a man.

damen totally sees laurent as his “victim” right now, set up well by him re-opening laurent’s physical wound. damen fucked this man while knowing that he (damen) killed his (laurent’s) brother, and put trust in him. if they were normal, or this was a normal story, that’s where the confrontation would end. it would be that simple—damen didn’t mean to hurt laurent but still did, and laurent has to forgive him for that, and forgive himself for being fooled—and then it would get tearfully resolved because they love each other so much that it doesn't matter. but they are not normal, and this is not a normal story, so…

Outside, two armies were poised to fight. The moment was here, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He remembered the Regent’s constant suggestion: Bed my nephew. He had done that, wooed him, won him. Charcy, he saw, hadn’t mattered to the Regent. It hadn’t meant anything. The Regent’s real weapon against Laurent had always been Damen himself.

damen thinks the regent’s plan had been to weaken laurent by putting him in circumstances where he’d unknowingly make himself vulnerable with his brother’s killer, triggering him emotionally and destroying his judgment. i'm pretty sure that this was basically his intention, but had also made sure that it would also torture laurent even if he did recognize damen on the spot.

personally i think the regent knew that laurent knew in book 1 through observing his reaction, but had planned for both possibilities in advance. what he hadn't expected, though, was for laurent and damen to start genuinely working together instead of against each other. this happens early as the thing with patras, and really pops off during the botched assassination attempt.

charcy was meant to drive a wedge between them, to correct the regent's previous miscalculation. and given the inevitable truth damen must now reveal, there's nothing he can really do to stop laurent from being upset.

‘I’ve come to tell you who I am.’ Laurent was so keenly familiar, the shade of his hair, the strapped down clothing, the full lips that he held tense or cruelly repressed, the ruthless asceticism, the unbearable blue eyes. ‘I know who you are, Damianos,’ said Laurent. Damen heard it, as the interior of the tent seemed to change, so that all of the objects in it took on a different shape. ‘Did you think,’ said Laurent, ‘I wouldn’t recognise the man who killed my brother?’

the way i YELLED during my first read. i remember even like posting something before, like “oh my god damen just tell him put this poor man out of his misery,” and then after i got to this part i immediately went and deleted that post

Each word was an ice chip. Painful, sharp; a shard. Laurent’s voice was perfectly steady.

do you think he practiced this?

‘I knew in the palace, when they dragged you in front of me,’ said Laurent. The words continued, steady, relentless. ‘I knew in the baths when I ordered you flayed. I knew—’

he definitely practiced this

‘At Ravenel?’ said Damen.

“you knew when you kissed me and let me fuck you????”

‘If you knew,’ said Damen, ‘how could you—’ ‘Let you fuck me?’ His own chest hurt, so that he almost didn’t notice the signs of it in Laurent, the control, the face, pale at any time, now white.

he almost didn’t notice the signs, which means he still totally did. because even now, damen is attentive and caring towards laurent

‘I needed a victory at Charcy. You provided it. It was worth enduring,’ Laurent spoke the terrible, lucid words, ‘your fumbling attentions for that.’

LIARRRRRRR

It hurt so much it took the breath from his throat. ‘You’re lying.’ Damen’s heart was pounding. ‘You’re lying.’ The words were too loud. ‘You thought I was leaving. You practically threw me out.’ He said it, as the realisation blossomed inside him. ‘You knew who I was. You knew who I was the night we made love.’

tbh i think this kind of realization would make me have a panic attack on the spot. also do you think this is the kind of betrayal he’s been trying so hard to avoiding confronting, coming from kastor and jokaste? but here he has no choice to confront it, because laurent is forcing him to understand the depths of the deception. no avoiding it now

He thought of Laurent surrendering, not the first time, but the second, the slower, sweeter time, the tension in him, the way he had— ‘You weren’t making love to a slave, you were making love to me.’

very true, but laurent isn’t ready to deal with it. he can’t keep up the cognitive dissonance in the present, but that doesn’t mean he’s about to accept that it was real in the past. instead he’ll just lash out.

And he couldn’t think that through clearly but he could catch a glimmer of it, a glimmer of the edge of it. ‘I thought you wouldn’t, I thought you’d never—’

OF COURSE damen suspected, at some points, that laurent knew. but this tells us that he’d ultimately dismissed the notion because it would have been insane for laurent to kiss and fuck him, while knowing his real identity. “i thought you wouldn’t, i thought you’d never—“

this is similar to how i thought about it during my first read—i suspected for all of book 1, and some of book 2, but then figured that the story was taking a different direction because how the hell could the plot points of “laurent knows who damen is” and “laurent makes himself vulnerable to damen and does a romance/sex about it” possibly be compatible? laurent, a deeply traumatized and self-protective person, wouldn’t and would never. except i underestimated laurent’s capacity for self-delusion, and overestimated the amount of control he truly has over his emotions and impulses, beneath all the posturing. damen, here, is recognizing that he’s made similar miscalculations, and now he’s seeing laurent as he truly is. they’re both seeing each other, truly, for the first time.

‘Laurent, six years ago, when I fought Auguste, I—’ ‘Don’t you say his name.’ The words were forced out of Laurent. ‘Don’t you ever say his name, you killed my brother.’

i like the simplicity of this. just the plainness of “you killed my brother.” laurent’s language is so often clever and cagey and embellished, but that last sentiment is raw and informal, and what we the reader are probably screaming in our heads. because yeah, holy shit, damen killed laurent’s brother. it’s a pretty hard thing to argue against, or ignore. “you lied to me” “you killed my brother” “you flogged me” “you killed my brother” “you forgot to do the dishes” “you killed my brother”

Laurent was breathing shallowly, almost panting as he spoke, his hands rigid on the edge of the table behind him.

his practiced words are saying one thing, but his body is very obviously having a panic attack. this scene isn’t nearly as much of a laurent mean girl moment as it seemed during a rushed first read. that’s actually kind of a relief to me, bc it made me sad to interpret him as so heartless and unfazed the first time around. even if “hello lover” is an iconic moment, it’s a performance more than anything else. and pacat shows us this sooner than i recalled or first perceived. she’s not torturing us, the reader, as much as she’s torturing both damen and laurent. and it’s not even like a lazy misunderstanding kind of torture, this is genuinely complicated and they’re both in the wrong and they both are justified in this pain and hurt. i just couldn’t see that as well the first time, having binged like all of book 2 already and having no idea what would happen next and honestly just being shocked and betrayed and compelled by the massive mislead with laurent’s awareness of the situation

‘Is that what you want to hear, that I knew who you were and I still let you fuck me, my brother’s killer, who cut him down like an animal on the field?’

you know he doesn’t, laurent, that’s just what you’re telling yourself now that you’re forced to confront it. you started this scene with “hello lover” and your prepared speech, hoping to destroy damen emotionally, but once again you’ve just kinda played yourself. maybe just cool it with the emotional gambits for now, when it comes to damen, bc they only really seem to come back and hurt you (oh fuck he can’t hear me)

‘Shall I ask you how you did it? What he looked like when your sword went in?’ ‘No,’ said Damen.

laurent, shaking, pale, looks like he’s about to pass out: “you bastard, tell me about how you murdered my brother as i think about the fact that i let you fuck me in a similar way, go ahead just make it hurt more”

damen, not a therapist but still emotionally intelligent enough to know this isn’t really about punishing him: no, i don’t think i will. can you like sit down

‘Or shall I tell you about the illusion of the man who gave me good counsel. Who stood by me. Who never lied to me.’ ‘I never lied to you.’

that italicized “i” is interesting. is it an accusation of laurent’s own lying and hypocrisy, or a specification that damen never directly told laurent he wasn’t damianos? given damen’s well-established integrity, i’m guessing it’s the first option. again with the mutual moral arbitration. and damen wouldn’t want to take such a weak a cop-out as “well i never technically said it,” it’s just not typical of his character.

The words were awful in the silence that followed them. ‘“Laurent, I am your slave”?’ said Laurent. He felt the breath forced out from his lungs.

of course laurent takes it as the second option, though, and implies that by swearing himself to laurent and then bedding him damen was directly lying about his identity. because to laurent, damen =/= damianos. a slave can’t be a prince. so damianos, the prince, must have been intentionally lying about being damen, the slave. and that’s actually easier, and less painful, and less complicated to accept than any kind of nuanced alternative.

‘Don’t,’ he said, ‘talk about it like—’ ‘Like?’ ‘Like it was cold-blooded; like I controlled it. Like we didn’t both close our eyes and pretend I was a slave.’ He made himself say the exposing words. ‘I was your slave.’

he’s right. nothing much to add here. damen wasn't just literally laurent's slave, he had devoted himself emotionally as well, and he's admitting it here despite the fact that it makes him vulnerable—something laurent is too much of a (traumatized, understandable) coward to do himself. i love damen's characterization so much

‘There was no slave,’ said Laurent. ‘He never existed. I don’t know what manner of man stands before me now. All I know is that I am facing him for the first time.’ ‘He is here.’ His flesh ached as if he had been prised open. ‘We are the same.’

this gives us some insight to laurent’s actions in book 1—not necessarily excusing them, but making them fit better into what we’ve since learned about his moral code. it ties things together, which isn’t the same as making them simpler or easier to like. pacat is very very VERY good at establishing continuous moral ambiguity in her characters, and does not rush the slow burn of making ends meet. so when she does eventually begin to connect things, it’s satisfying, because it hasn’t been all been spelled out the whole time so readers don’t have to think for themselves. this, in reference to a lot of the series’s more problematic themes, is exactly why i think people end up seeing capri as apologism or glamorization. but by claiming that, i also think they’re exposing themselves as impatient, shallow, and (sorry) simply lazy.

but i don't just want to be reductive and uncharitable, because that would be shallow and lazy too. to be perfectly clear, i honestly can't blame people for disliking this series, and not being willing or able to have patience and understanding for its more problematic elements. this series is marketed as romance/erotica. it started as indulgent kink fic. it ended up evolving into its current state during its development—and i'm really glad it did, but that doesn't change the fact that so much of its marketing and premise imply certain things that it doesn't quite deliver. and if you look up the series today, as it's still being published years after its completion, it's still marketed in a way i find somewhat misleading. to the extent that when i picked it up, it was in an intentional attempt to expand my own horizons—i wanted to challenge myself with indulgent shameless problematic porn/romance, as opposed to the weak-ass "enemies" to lovers running rival bakeries gay romance novels with canva covers that haven't worked for me in the past. the logic was basically, "well, if i don't like romance on that side of the scale, maybe i'll like the opposite extreme, or at least learn more about what i don't like." and i did feel pretty challenged during book 1, to the point that for a while i only kept reading out of morbid curiosity and vague horniness rather than any genuine expectation of depth or satisfying storytelling. it was only around the assassination scene in book 1 that i started to see the book as something capable of more depth and intrigue than just like kinky debauchery, and it pretty much just snowballed from there. and as someone who frequently reads about these dark topics in other genres and contexts, i was familiar enough with the things happening on the page to at least stomach them and push foward.

however, if i was coming at the series from a different place—like if i loved cozy romance and had very little familiarity with reading about these topics—i can see the first book especially being very blindsiding and distressing, and not wanting to engage with it further. that's not laziness, it just means that the book wasn't for me.

and the nuance doesn't end there. one of the things i love most about this series is that, even if i was just looking for shameless slavekink porn and decidedly did not want to rise to the occasion of depth or thematic exploration, i would also walk away unsatisfied. because the truly problematic shit in these books is not shameless at all, and indulgence never comes without a cost. there are a few distasteful moments that make me roll my eyes, and the garden scene definitely prompts a Conversation—but as a whole, i think pacat is very aware of the moral implications of these themes. and i also think she's perfectly aware of the fact that many people get off on them.

this series almost feels like an accidental study of, like, the psychological implications of being a person compelled by dub-con and problematic kink, finding a sort of gratification in situations where those things ar kind of inevitable (like they are for damen in book 1). AND this is made even more complicated and brave by the fact that laurent is, very relevantly, a victim of serious sexual assault. like, as hot as some of the scenes in this book are, i really don't think it makes itself easy for people to just uncritically get themselves off to. it doesn't encourage shame, but it does encourage introspection. and a lot of people simply don't read erotica and romance to introspect. (couldn't be me though. if it isn't clear, i love the laurent of vere "having insane mindfucking sex fully clothed across the room" approach to eroticism).

i feel like it's actually kind of funny that i specifically got here, as a person who almost always reads books that force dark introspection, and assumed that this erotica/romance book would be mindless, but ended up with gestures vaguely instead. for me, coming across this series and realizing what it truly is was an incredibly happy accident. but for others, i completely understand how it could be the exact opposite, and it's not lazy or shallow to realize that you misunderstood what you were getting yourself into and step away.

what is lazy and shallow, though, is to either DNF and review based on those misconceptions, or keep reading simply to fuel your own disdain and discomfort. ultimately, i think that the true error of people who walk into capri wanting shameless porn or untroubling romance is the fact that they keep reading, even when it becomes clear that the book isn't doing that. and then they decide to evaluate the book based on expectations and standards that aren't the ones the author or fans have for the work itself. people seem to take out their anger towards the SUBJECTS of slavery or rape in fiction themselves on capri, rather then the way capri specifically portrays them. either because they fucking stopped reading the book and just wanted to go on a tangent on the topics in general, or hate-read to confirm their own pre-existing bias.

my point is, nobody has to read things that trigger or upset them, and it's okay to just pass on fictional stuff that makes you feel bad or frustrated. aspects of this series made me feel bad and frustrated, even on re-read, but i enjoy the intellectual and emotional exercise of exploring those feelings and better understanding the true meaning and purpose of the art. but there are certain topics in other works of fiction that i'm unwilling to explore, which would cause me to simply stop reading, and if asked for a review i'd just say that i'm not the right person to say. and there have been many times where i've continued reading a book, hoping it would change directions, and ended up just being like, "yeah, that wasn't for me," and moving on.

the exchange "there was no slave, he never existed" "here is here, we are the same" is almost a meta-commentary on the reception of the series as a whole. it would be dishonest to deny how this series started, and some of the themes and subjects it intentionally confronts. you can't say "there was no slave [kink], [it] never existed" because the narrative proceeded to be more of a commentary on kink rather than an uncritical display of it. kink, and dark topics in fiction in general, do all have depth, and while they might not be for everyone, they are for someone. exploring that depth is entirely optional, and i understand why people with certain experiences don't want anything to do with that exploration. but our personal tastes don't change the fact that subjects like slavery and rape exist, and that reality is inseparable from the stories that come from it. ultimately, the choice is whether we're willing to take that specific reality thoughtfully on, or else just walk away.

the people i have the hardest time with are the ones who choose neither of those options. like, what do you even get out of continuing to read something that you're unwilling to explore in good faith, or that you straight-up hate? just read something else. we only have so much time in the day. stop wasting yours, and stop wasting the time of people who actually enjoy the thing with your useless bad-faith criticism. sorry this tangent has totally departed from the chapter itself, but that really is what pisses me off so much about current-day online book culture. like, i'm thinking about all of those smug-looking booktubers making 2 hour videos called "i read [name of book that doesn't appeal to the lowest common denominator of people] so you don't have to." i know how long it takes to read books thoughtfully, and then to write, film, and edit videos. maybe stop wasting your own time and dig into something you love instead, or even try to make your own thing, and just hope that some smug asshole on the internet doesn't decide to do to your work what you've done to other people's work. but no, lazy cynicism and appealing to the easy gimmick of cringe is way more profitable, i guess. and it makes you less vulnerable to people criticizing work that came from your soul, because the work you're creating is completely soulless.

anyway. i wonder what kind of totally normal things damen and laurent are up to in the chapter i'm annotating

‘Kneel then,’ said Laurent. ‘Kiss my boot.’

"if you really are still a slave, even though we both know you’re a king, then do a demeaning slave thing right now"

He looked into Laurent’s excoriating blue eyes. The impossibility of it was like a sharp pain. He couldn’t do it. He could only gaze at Laurent across the distance between them. The words hurt. ‘You’re right. I’m not a slave,’ he said.

can’t indulge in the kink anymore by circumstantial necessity, but i’m sure they’ll find something even weirder to do instead on purpose

‘I am the King.’ He said, ‘I killed your brother. And now I hold your fort.’ As he spoke, Damen drew out a knife. He felt rather than saw all of Laurent’s attention swing to it. The physical signs were small: Laurent’s lips parted, his body tensed. Laurent didn’t look at the knife. He kept his eyes on Damen, who looked right back at him. ‘So you will parley with me as with a king, and you will tell me why you called me here.’ Deliberately, Damen tossed the knife onto the floor of the tent.

okay this is just extra of him, but i mean laurent got to do “hello lover” so damen deserves to be dramatic too as a treat. i also like what this symbolizes, as opposed to their previous knife moments. as defined by their stations, they don’t have a power imbalance anymore, and they don’t have a reason to be enemies. they are a prince and a king, not a master and a slave. they are military allies, teaming up against the regent. any power imbalance and beef they have now is emotional, complicated, and abstract, nothing clear-cut (haha) enough to be represented by an instrument of simple violence like a knife. and damen summarizes this perfectly, in the context of their previous knife moments, by viscerally reminding laurent of those encounters and then just tossing the thing across the room.

honestly, i bet laurent feels jealous of the clever performative gesture. and maybe a little turned on, too, despite the horrors. that’s a fun reversal.

‘Didn’t you know?’ said Laurent. ‘My uncle is in Akielos.’

yeah, he got a really good all-inclusive deal at the akielion sandals resort and needed a vacation after all of the murder and [redacted]

[sophrosynesworld]

Pinky Promise (Part 1)

Hero!Katsuki x Quirkless?Reader

War Arc Spoilers, Non-Cannon, Fluff

Katsuki has spent the better part of the year telling me stories about his friends—their wild adventures, their inside jokes—but this is my first time meeting them. Mina sits to my left, her pink hair bouncing as she excitedly tells a story about a prank gone wrong. On my right, Sero chimes in, interjecting at the funny moments with his own commentary. Their conversation swirls around me, lively and animated, but I struggle to keep up, feeling like an outsider in their effortless banter.

Katsuki sits across the room, squeezed between Kirishima and Todoroki. Kirishima’s laughter rings out, loud and carefree, while Todoroki’s quieter, more reserved comments punctuate the noise. It’s warm, so different from what I’m used to, and I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed by the easy camaraderie. I glance over at Katsuki, and for a brief second, our eyes meet. His usual sharp expression softens just for me, a quiet look that makes my heart flutter. He tilts his head toward the door, a silent invitation I understand instantly.

I smile and rise from the couch, excusing myself from Mina and Sero with a promise that I’ll be right back. They nod, hardly noticing my absence as their conversation continues without skipping a beat. I make my way to the door, feeling Katsuki’s gaze lingering on me.

The cool night air greets me as the door clicks shut, muffling the sounds of laughter and chatter behind me. I walk to the wooden railing and lean against it, letting my fingers brush over the smooth surface as I stare out into the darkening sky. Birds scatter above, flying away as if they sense something I can’t see.

The door creaks open behind me, and I hear Katsuki’s familiar, heavy footsteps approaching. I don’t turn around, but I feel his presence beside me, the faint scent of smoke and sugar drifting in the breeze.

“Are those idiots bothering you?” Katsuki asks, his voice low and rough, laced with that protective irritation that’s so typical of him.

I turn around, leaning my back against the post as I meet his eyes. “Your friends are nice,” I reply.

“I didn’t ask if they were nice.” He scoffs, eyes flicking away as he crosses his arms. “If they’re bothering you, I’ll handle it.”

I step closer, reaching out to grab his forearm, ducking into his line of sight. “They’re not bothering me, Katsuki. I promise.”

He frowns, studying me with concern. “Then why don’t you look happy?”

“It’s personal.”

Katsuki frowns. “Who’s messing with you?”

“Katsuki!” I exclaim. “No one’s messing with me. I’m just… scared.”

His brows knit together. “Scared? Of what?”

“I don't want to tell you.”

He looks away, exasperated. “I can't fix it unless you tell me what's wrong.”

I swallow, the words heavy in my throat. “I keep having this nightmare… you... um.. I keep watching you die.”

His posture stiffens, but his expression softens. “I’m not gonna die.”

“You don’t know that!” I shout, my voice breaking under the weight of my fears. “It’s always the same vision—pouring rain, and you’re falling from the sky. I watch you hit the ground every single time I close my eyes.”

Katsuki breathes deeply, trying to steady himself, before he reaches out, cupping my cheek with a touch that’s uncharacteristically gentle. “Listen to me. I’m the best hero at this damn school. I’m gonna win this war, kick that nerd Deku’s ass, and take you out for dinner—all in one night. Got it?”

I manage a small, shaky smile, but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Do you pinky promise?”

He rolls his eyes, but there’s a hint of a smile fighting to break through. He links his pinky with mine, squeezing tight. “Yeah, I pinky promise.”

Author's Note: This will be a 2-part series, let me know if you'd like to be tagged in the next one!

[veryinactiveartist]

Moodboard & Fic Pitch

Pre TLOU!Joel Miller × f!Reader

The Last Of Us

Moodboard made by me

Sweetness & Lighting: Series Synopsis

It's 1993 in central Texas, and things are as well as they could be for a single father, Joel Miller. That's if you don't include his struggling financial situation and the grueling effects of his new construction job. But now it's summer, Sarah won't be occupied in a classroom setting for some time, leaving him without proper care to watch Sarah while he works.

With his new dilemma, Joel couldn't help but vent to his little brother, Tommy, who for once offered a solution; with no other choice, he figured it was worth a shot. Hire a babysitter, but she so happens to be one of Tommy's friends who's a recent graduate. Joel worried about the cost of hiring, but Tommy insisted she was a generous spirit who would gladly help with little cost. Once she knew his situation, Tommy was right. He has never been so thankful to welcome a stranger into his home, even if he still has reservations.

Little did he know, Tommy's friend had already become quite smitten with Joel the moment she first laid eyes on him but planned to keep it to herself. She's only here to do her job and it's not like Joel would like her back. But he did. It took a bit of time but once he realized it, he fell hard. He just knew he couldn't let you go once the summer was over. Why not keep her employed longer. He could admit his feelings at some point. Right?

Tags/Warnings: Idk if I can list this as a slow burn given this probably won't be more than 20 chapters. Eventual smut, masturbation >:3 but mainly plot. Minor Social commentary. Semi-frequent 80's pop culture references (mainly music). Mild cursing. Rom-Com adjacent fic(I will try). Virgin reader (Joel will be ready😏). Single dad Joel. Scenes that depict bullying. (for both the reader and Sarah). Use of original characters. The reader is 21. Joel is 25/turns 26. Sarah is roughly around 6. Lowkey Devious Sarah/Sarah shenanigans(u know how kids are). Texas geography references. Possible holiday plotlines (Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year) fic timeline spans over 7 months.

Author Notes & Rambles

Lord, I have so many fic ideas that I must write 😤. I actually shared this idea with a mutual while back, so this one is a bit more personal. This will probably be the first series I write when we get to 2025. As far as I know, this won't be anything too crazy, the outline I'm working on right now ranges from 14 - 20 chapters. I'm trying to give myself some room to stay within that frame I've given myself but we'll see what happens.

As of now, I don't wanna share too much about what I have planned,, but I also wanna share everything jdjkdjs. This will be a "slow burn" in a sense, but it'll be a short series, so idk if it fits here but oh well. However, the smutting won't happen later on in the fic as I will be focusing on Joel and the reader actually becoming friends because they deserve it

I already started making a playlist for this as inspo because I can't without listening to music tbh so that's been really fun. So I can't wait for when that comes out and it will be just music from that period and songs referenced in the fic, So all 1993 and going back a bit further to give the reader insert a bit of range. There'll be some mild pop culture references like movies but mostly music, and I will try not to be excessive as I know that can be annoying in movies these days. Bubblebee

I'd like to thank all the pictures of mid-20s Pedro Pascal before I go. I wouldn't have been here without him. 😭😭😭

[hazbin-hodown]

Me and the Devil

Walking side by side

A date night with Lucifer!

Tags: Lucifer x Reader, Fluff, Extra fluff, Fallen!GN! Reader, Date Night,

Some notes! (I'm going to say that Lucifer and Lilith broke it off in this hence why he's dating y/n)

(Again not beta read. Read at your own Peril.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After you fell in Lucifer's front yard, he, much to your surprise, actually helped you out. A lot. He got you patched up, fed you, and even managed to help you get a place.

What surprised you most was how funny he was. Up in Heaven he received a lot of 'demonization'. Talk about how he was the most hated being in creation was contrasted with when he would show you a new invention. Whether it be a rubber duck, some kind of improvement on a previous invention, or something else. It's what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

Date nights with Lucifer were honestly a lot more reserved. Due to his higher status, and his dislike of sinner demons it always meant the two of you would have a quiet night in after a very small, but still detailed main course of food. After that, he would easily have a movie night with you, whether that's watching hella-novella's or even documentaries about hell-born bugs, he sat through them all with you. Sometimes he would give goofy commentary, mainly stating something along the lines of "how could that even happen???" or something more grandiose such as "Now that's just fiction, everyone knows they have 658 pairs of legs not 300!" Either way it made the both of you smile just a bit brighter.

[staticintone]

Some feelings under the cut. Not necessarily negative ones, but feelings nonetheless.

I am shy. At least in roleplay spaces.

I wait to be approached, keep my out of character thoughts to a minimum, reserve this space for only talk about this space. Avoid interacting with people that intimidate me and stay in my lane.

That has been changing since July 1st.

I hesitated big time to post a dash commentary on a situation that had nothing to do with me, involving two players who are much bigger than me in my mind.

That two sentence commentary has led to some of the best writing I have ever done.

I saw dash commentary on Alastor’s radio torture broadcast from people I had never even seen before. I never felt as seen or as involved in the community until that moment, especially for a piece of writing I am still so proud of. Even the creator of the RAM AU was so impressed that they saved it on their blog. That was an incredible feeling.

Two days ago, I jokingly sent a friend a magic anon. I expected it to be screenshotted and sent back to me. Instead, it was posted and became one of the funniest things I’ve had the pleasure of seeing firsthand. It became so much bigger than I expected, even leading to a revenge anon getting me involved yesterday!

And yesterday was just chaos in its own right. I also almost didn’t join the Alastor Arena Event. I felt as though I didn’t belong there, somehow. And I almost missed it by going to sleep! I made comments on just about every post, tagged people I wouldn’t dream of “bothering” before. All culminating in a win that also blew up!

I have always felt like a small fish in a big pond here. I viewed it as safer to hide away in a corner and just write with the people who sought me out than to put myself out there.

I am not the best writer in this space. I explicitly know that, and that is fine by me. This is not me feeling sorry for myself; I just know my limitations.

My Alastor is serious and jaded. He’s hard to get involved in fun and crack circumstances. The most humor I get from him is unintentional, when he reads out ascii text full send for example.

But this whole month so far has shown me that there is a place for him—and for me—here.

I have been trying to put myself out there in small ways, posting out of character things that make me laugh. Talking about the more random things I personally enjoy that I would have never allowed into this space before.

I will try and get myself involved more often. It has been so worth it so far. I can’t promise I will be blind messaging any time soon, but I will be throwing myself and Alastor into the mix much more often.

Thank you all so much for making me feel welcome from day one.

I’m so sorry it took me this long to believe you.

[hybrid-confessions]

Welcome to Hybrid Confessions!

A space for human-Pokémon hybrids of all forms and origins to share their experiences, and for others to learn.

I’m your mod, Vanilla. You might know me from @humming-pokemon-helpers. Or you might not. I’m a Hisuian Zorua hybrid, an adult, and I use all pronouns except it/its. Any posts by me or commentary on confessions will be followed by #🐺🍦. I’ll try to keep the commentary to a minimum though. You could just find that on my own blog.

Some (//IC) ground rules for this space:

Please keep your asks and confessions PG-13, roughly. Think of what you might see in (useful, inclusive) sex ed for the upper limit. I’ll still tag those asks as #suggestive though.

No speculation on other people’s status as a hybrid or the like will be allowed. (For instance, a question such as “Does anyone else think that Skyla is a hybrid?” is not appropriate.) //These questions will still be posted from the inbox, just with a [This ask was deleted] response.

I reserve the right to delete questions and comments from non-hybrids that do not seem to be in good faith or foster helpful discussion. (E.g. “All hybrids are dangerous/violent”) //These questions will still be posted from the inbox, just with a [This ask was deleted] response.

If you’d like to ask me a question about my personal life outside of being a hybrid, please just send it to my personal blog. (Again, that’s @humming-pokemon-helpers.)

Anyone who feels the term hybrid applies to them is welcome here, including born, experimentally- or magically-created, and other forms of “true” hybrid, those who transform temporarily, eebies who identify with the term due to their human minds, otherkin, and more. Do note that if your ask specifically implies you are a naturally-born hybrid, I’m tagging that with #tw implied pokephilia. It’s not a slight against you (being my own background), but for the comfort of people from worlds with many differing levels of Pokémon intelligence and senses of ethics.

I don’t take post submissions. If you send an ask with a specific poll suggestion that’s on topic, though, I’ll run it.

If you sign off with an emoji or title, I’ll tag your asks as #❄️ anon or the like.

If you’re an ass or bigot otherwise I’m blocking you. Simple as that.

I look forward to working with and learning with you all! 🐺🍦//Important OOC notes below the cut.

OOC NOTES:

I will not take asks from realities where hybrids are the product of Pokérus or other infection AUs. This is for my own personal mental health, so please understand.

The banner of this blog was designed by Jiaqi Li of the Pokémon Company for Pokémon Shirts, and the PFP is of Hariru from the Pokémon RéBurst manga, illustrated by Mitsuhisa Tamura.

Any OOC posts or comments are tagged with //. The mod behind this blog, @aceoflilies, is an adult! I use she/him pronouns.

I tag triggers, as implied above, in the #tw trigger format, with the exception of #suggestive .

Always open to other suggestions, questions, and comments! My DMs are open.

[fadingreveries]

The Royal Romance, Bk1 Ch1: Once Upon a Time (Pt. 1)

Click here for the TRR retelling series masterlist for more chapters! 🏰

Tag list: I couldn't tag everyone because it wouldn't let me, but turn off "exclude from Tumblr search" for your account in settings and comment if you’d like to be tagged! @kingliam2019 @princess-geek (thanks for showing interest! Thought I would tag to say thank you!)

Story Summary: In this novel-style retelling of TRR, beloved scenes with original commentary from the Choices stories including your favourite group of royals and friends will be expanded upon. Contains extended commentary and scenes from the original story, in-depth descriptions of bonus scenes, and premium choices and outfits.

Chapter Synopsis: Love awaits in the royal court of Cordonia as Riley competes for the Crown Prince! Will she accept his proposal, or will someone else win her heart?

Disclaimer: All rights to original commentary, scenes, and characters from The Royal Romance series reserved to Choices and Pixelberry Studios. No copyright infringement intended.

Word Count: 1.6k

~ ~ ~

Those who found love with the right person, in the right place, at the right time, and the right life destined for them were rare. With how unpredictable life may be, not everyone was lucky to be destined with all of the key factors that would culminate for the biggest blessing from life itself.

One night’s chance encounter changed the lives of people who would become a close-knit group of friends in more ways than one.

Once upon a time, Riley Brooks was a young lady who resided in New York City. She was a fair-skinned, beautiful lady with dark ebony tresses and Dutch-braided bangs. With soft doe-like eyes and peach-coloured lips, Riley had met her fair share of suitors but none with whom she felt a longing connection to. 

After working as a part-time waitress to put herself through school, she had finally graduated with an undergraduate degree and a Master of Arts degree in history from the prestigious New York University. At last, she was ready to explore the world beyond lecture halls, late night study sessions, and thesis dissertations. 

“Just another glamorous New York Saturday night of hauling trash to the dumpster.” Riley sighed, heaving a stuffed black bag up where it would join the other garbage that had been piling up that night. 

At the current moment, however, she was stuck on a late-night shift at the restaurant and bar where she had worked for the last six years. With all her might, she hoisted the humongous black garbage bag which landed on the others with a soft thump. She dusted off her hands, looking warily over her shoulder with the barely lit back area of the brick building. 

There was something about the back alley of the building where she threw out the garbage every night that made her uneasy, partly due to the fact that drunk party goers tended to loiter there in the dark when veering off course from the streets and sidewalks. Luckily for her, she had her favourite coworker, Daniel, by her side to help. 

“It could be worse. There could be—” Daniel, her co-worker had started before letting out a frightened yelp and darting away from the dumpster, “Rats! Riley, help!”

Riley glanced down at the sight before her, taking note of two adult mice and two baby mice. As they scurried away, she laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of this adorable mouse family. They’re trying to get by, just like us.”

“Hey!” A booming voice yelled out, making the two co-workers turn around. “Riley, Daniel, quit slacking off over there!”

If there was one thing Riley was ready to embrace, it was the fact that she had finally given her two-week notice to her boss. After six years, she would finally be out of his clutches and no longer have to hear constant nagging from him about every minuscule detail she had made the mistake of carrying out in front of him. 

“You told us to take out the garbage,” Riley reminded him, a scowl deepening as she remembered how insufferable her boss was. 

“And now I’m telling you to wait on the bachelor party that just rolled in. Chop chop!” The manager barked out, clapping his hands for emphasis before storming back inside the bar. 

__________

Meanwhile, it was the night of Liam Rys’ bachelor party. Two of his friends plus one acquaintance had organized a clandestine night out in New York City before they returned to Cordonia for the social season.

Earlier that evening, Maxwell whooped out, “Awesome! We finally lost Bastien! I can’t believe we pulled that off, but I’m not going to question it.”

It was around eight o’clock on one Friday night when Liam, Maxwell, and Drake had escaped Liam’s bodyguard, Bastien. There was an outdoor music festival held all day at a nearby park and with all the large crowds, Maxwell and Drake had planned to help Liam escape from his royal duties for at least one night. Which meant losing his bodyguard as soon as possible and blending in with the New York nightlife. 

“Knowing Bastien, I’m sure he’s got an eye on us somehow. At least we have the illusion of independence,” Drake commented, knowing that it was better than nothing. He knew if anything that this illusion could give Liam a slight sense of what he truly longed for.

“I’ll take it! Time to whip out the… ultimate Bachelor Party Bucket List!” Maxwell excitedly cried out, as he drew a worryingly long physical paper shaped like a bucket out of his pocket. 

Blinking in confusion at the paper contraption his friend summoned out of nowhere, Drake remarked, “There were so many parts of what you said that I’d hoped weren’t literal.” 

“Okay, here’s what I got…” Maxwell cleared his throat, reading from his paper bucket list. “Give each other crazy nicknames, get tattoos, eat at the best place in New York, have a spontaneous, crazy adventure, get into a fight, and get tattoos!”

“You said ‘get tattoos’ twice,” Drake plainly stated, not impressed by Maxwell’s idea of a bachelor party. 

Maxwell rolled his eyes, giving Drake a look that indicated he should have known that the meaning was implied. “That’s how important it is!”

Drake shook his head, looking Maxwell straight in the eye. Never in a million years was he going to agree to tattoos, especially not for Maxwell’s pure amusement. “I’m not getting a tattoo.”

“Friendship tattoos!” Maxwell exclaimed, trying desperately to convince him otherwise. Tattoos were a long-lasting symbol of friendship in itself, right?

Clearly, Maxwell had different ideas on what qualified as fun things to do with your friends in an unfamiliar city. Drake scoffed, “There’s not enough whiskey in Manhattan.”

“We’ll circle back to that,” Maxwell responded, turning his back against Drake and not taking no for an answer. He elbowed Liam’s side with a cheeky smile. “Remember, it’s this guy’s night.”

Liam sheepishly chuckled. How lucky was he to have such thoughtful friends? “It is my night.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head,” Drake warned him, although he had a small smile. 

The prince was touched by his best friends’ warm gesture. Not everyone would go out of their way to make his one night of controlled freedom as enjoyable as possible, at least not as much as these two would. It was something he had never been allowed the luxury of, given that he was the Crown Prince of Cordonia and the heir to the throne after his older brother, Leo, had abdicated years earlier. 

With a sad frown, Liam confessed, “Actually… It really means a lot to share this moment with both of you. After this summer, everything will change. I’ll be married… I’ll be preparing to start a family and carry on the royal line. It means everything to me to have one last moment with the two of you.”

“I don’t know that you’ve ever had a carefree moment in your life, but we’ll do our best,” Drake softly murmured. He meant this more than Liam would ever know. Drake had seen first-hand the struggles his best friend had gone through growing up with the burden of being royalty, but he wasn’t about to let his last night of freedom before the social season go to waste. 

Maxwell nodded, a mischievous smile on his face. “Damn right we will. First up, nicknames.”

“What is this again?” Drake groaned in exasperation. Just when he thought they had made it past his bachelor party antics. 

Once again, Maxwell looked at Drake as if the answer was obvious. He declared, “We think of awesome nicknames to give ourselves as a group!”

Drake’s deadpan answer was quick, his blank expression unwavering. “Cool. Mine’s Drake.”

Maxwell pouted, his bottom lip protruding out in protest. “Man, come on. You could pick anything! Alpha Bravo? Dark and Stormy? Toasted Marshmallow?”

“Pass,” Drake answered, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Unacceptable! All our nicknames are gonna be in theme! Right, Liam?” Maxwell questioned him, his eyebrows scrunched together in determination. Once Maxwell had an idea, he didn’t plan on giving up. It just wasn’t the Beaumont way. 

Liam chuckled, amused at Maxwell’s enthusiasm to make his bachelor party much more lively. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, we could theme it after cards like King of Hearts or Jack of Spades… or our favourite foods… or… or… like a fairytale!” Maxwell excitedly suggested, his eyes lighting up even brighter with each suggestion. 

“Fairytale?” Liam asked, looking for clarification.

Drake guffawed, turning to Liam. “You could be Prince Charming.” It wasn’t far from the plain truth, anyway. 

“There you go! Now you’re getting into it!” Maxwell grinned, pleased that Drake was now participating with the same level of gusto as he was. 

Drake immediately frowned, not wanting to give off that impression and play into Maxwell’s fantasy of having the perfect bachelor party by his wild standards. “No… I just… ugh, Liam, pick one.”

“We should go with the theme…” Liam pondered with a smile to himself, before answering, “Fairytale. I kind of like Prince Charming.”

“Of course. I'm the Fairy Godmother because whatever you want tonight, I’ll make it happen!” Maxwell stated, his body giddy almost as if you could see the energy bouncing off of him. 

Liam gestured to Drake, trying to think of a nickname for him. “What about Drake?”

Maxwell stepped closer to Drake, who rolled his eyes, before he snapped his fingers and announced, “He’s got ‘Dragon’ written all over him.”

“I’m good with that,” Drake agreed, shrugging his shoulders. It wasn’t the worst nickname he could be given. 

“Yes! Let’s roll!” Maxwell cheered, happy with how things had worked out. One thing down, five more to go on the ultimate Bachelor Party Bucket List! “Next stop is dinner!”

~ ~ ~

Click here for the TRR retelling series masterlist for more chapters! 🏰

Tag list: Turn off "exclude from Tumblr search" for your account in settings and comment if you’d like to be tagged! @kingliam2019 @princess-geek

[haveyoubeentothiscity]

Hi and welcome! I post polls about cities and towns to find out where in the world tumblr’s been. Submit cities here, not in the ask box.

I am also @youhavebeentothiscity for commentary and other content.

How are cities chosen?

Almost all polls come from submissions! I don’t mind duplicate submissions, but if you’re curious, the list of posted/queued/submitted cities is here. No limit to how many you can submit. Please be aware that the queue is very long, so it may be months before I reach your submission.

Please read the instructions to help make my job easier. Thank you for your contributions!

I mostly post in order of submission, but I try to maintain a mix of continents and countries, so some cities may jump far ahead in the queue, or be held back if I’ve had too many in a row. I also reserve the right to let certain cities jump the queue when doing so benefits the blog organization.

I sometimes supplement submissions with other cities, particularly on theme days.

What counts as a city?

I’m not paying any mind to city/town/village descriptors. If something is very small (and I mean very, very small) I might deprioritize it in favor of ones that more people have heard of, but as long as I can find a Wikipedia page I won’t disqualify it.

How do you tag?

#city poll for each regularly formatted poll, plus the name of the city, country, and continent

#not a city poll for any other polls (ex. #demographics)

#not a poll for everything else

#asked and answered for asks

#submission guidelines for what you can submit and any clarification on how to submit

#voting guidelines for advice (not rules) on how to vote in ambiguous cases

#submission stats and #voting stats for any insights or charts

#chatty for asks and other posts that are just conversational, not informational

#theme announcement for posts kicking off theme days, plus the tag for that theme

If you have questions, suggestions, or just thoughts to share feel free to send an ask!

Personal notes: I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA and love it here. She/her pronouns. Not going to use name or age on this blog, but I am an adult.

[thegracefulknight]

˚ ೀ Introduction ೀ ˚

Welcome to my little world~ I'm writing this welcome message as an afterthought, as I've actually had this little blog for years, before leaving and now coming back again recently. And I realized I never made a proper intro post! (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

This blog of mine is dedicated mostly to Elizabeth Midford—the light and human heart of the anime/manga series Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler). However, I do share posts from different anime from time to time—mainly, but not limited to Pandora Hearts and Vanitas no Carte (The Case Study of Vanitas). This blog is not spoiler-free, so please take note!

Aside from anime and manga, I reblog posts on aesthetics that I feel suits Lizzy or the Victorian Era best, as well as quotes or passages from various media that hit me close to the heart. My main ship is O!Cielizzy, but as a multishipper, I also enjoy other ships and may share about them too (except ships that involve a minor and an adult). For that, please note that I do not ship Sebaciel or Claude x Alois. I prefer respecting people's perspectives on these, so please note that I will simply refrain from engaging with such content as much as possible. In turn, you may also choose to do the same regarding my content.

I aim to keep this blog as bright and positive as the girl it's dedicated for, so please if you hate Elizabeth or any of her ships, please DNI. I prefer not seeing my posts about her littered with unnecessary hate. You are free to block me rather than engage in my posts negatively. Let's reserve the energy for focusing on the things we actually love instead, on our own safe spaces! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

*Blog currently running on queue cause work takes me awei all the time

Tags:

ೀ ˚ lizzy aesthetic - for moodboards, photos or other media that specifically fits Lizzy perfectly

ೀ ˚ sugar spice and everything nice - any content related to girlblogging, aesthetics, self-affirmation, and self love in general.

ೀ ˚ message in a bottle - quotes, passages and poetry that resonate with the heart. May or may not be related to O!Cielizzy.

ೀ ˚ of ribbons and swords ; dance of the graceful knight - for theories, commentaries, analyses and character essays on, or related to Lizzy.

ೀ ˚ a love written in the stardust — cielizzy - for O!Cielizzy-related posts (aka almost half of this blog, i prolly won't re-tag all the old ones lmao)

Bonus : Listen to my O!Cielizzy Playlist here!

ೀ ˚ mine - for my edits, manga colorings etc. Mostly old posts that I haven't properly tagged before lol. Some have watermarks from my old pages, @wifeofthequeenswatchdog (from FB) or @isabella-phantomhive (from DeviantArt). I might repost content from those pages too!

[lupaeusmoved]

get to know the mun .

What made you pick up the muse you have? at first i just wanted to use a new fc , i came back to tumblr rp and the first muse i made was a maia mitchell fc ( hayley , she's over on @tvintedspvrk ) bc i'd used her fairly often over the course of like a decade and i just wanted to mix it up , and then emma pretty quickly started developing and growing and especially when i moved her into the teen wolf fandom she just took on a mind of her own and became my number one little rat goblin

Is there anything you don’t like to write? doesn't apply to emma obviously but i'm very selective about M/M ships , just because i'm so out of my element . it's possible , just generally reserved for close friends

Is there anything you really enjoy writing? ANGST i love causing my muses pain emotional or physical it's so twisted but i also love fluff and letting them be happy and in love etc

How do you come up with your headcanons? i literally just start talking and wait for something to stick most of the time lskfjldkjfdslkfjf

Do you write in silence or do you play music? when i don't have my concerta i try to write in silence but a lot of the time i have some kind of music playing

Do you plan your replies or wing them?  i wing literally everything lmfao

Do you enjoy shipping?  yes

Do you not like shipping?

Is there another character you would like to write?  i have so many of these assholes in my brain but there's always another straggler to pick up from the obscure background of various media

What’s your Alias/Name?  em ( i rly named myself after this bitch she owns me so bad )

Age?  26 ( and a half 😤 )

Birthday?  september 4th

Favorite Color?  lime green and black

Favorite Song? the crumbs noah kahan has shared of great divide

Last movie you watched?  creed ii with liv

Last show you watched?  i can't think but probably some reality show via a commentary youtuber

Last song you listened to?  new perspective by noah kahan

Favorite food? nachos or crab rangoons

Favorite season?  autumn

Do you have a squad on tumblr? yeeee boy we out here @greedaeye // @goldenboybarracuda and also @boundforhale // @stilesstylelinski

Do you have a tumblr best friend? literally so many but @razorfst gets a special shoutout bc she's so quickly become such a great friend and i'm currently screaming over all of our different plots and trying to decide which draft to do next lmao

tagged by : stolen from @waehles tagging : everyone i already tagged , @salvatoraes , @implsvly , @shadowbrn , @ofcrxwns , and YOU